#people can cry in front of me and i feel nothing for them just discomfort

[cameronspecial]

Idea:

Rafe and Reader have sex at a party but they don’t know that Rafe’s ex is filming them.

The next day its leaked and everyone has seen the video.

They didn’t know until Sarah called Reader (angry) because nobody knew they were together.

Violation of Privacy

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: UNCONSENSUAL FILMING OF SEX (Not by Rafe) AND DISTRIBUTING IT

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1.1K

A/N: I changed the plot a little. If this has happened to you, please know that this isn't your fault and that there are resources that can help you.

Masterlist

Rafe and Y/N exit his bedroom one after the other, looking around to make sure no one is around to see them together. He finishes buttoning up his shirt while she is running her fingers through her hair so it looks less of a mess. If anyone was watching, they would easily be able to see that the couple just had sex in the room. The secrecy of their activities in the bedroom isn’t because they are embarrassed about the act, but because their relationship itself is a secret. With one final sweep of the hallway, Y/N leans up to give Rafe a kiss on the lips before running off to her friends.

——

Y/N wakes up the next morning to the ringing of her phone. As soon as it stops, it starts up again to tell her that whoever is trying to reach her still wants to talk. Her hand darts out from under the warmth of her covers to grab her phone on the side table. She brings it to her ear, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Hello,” she manages to croak out. Sarah lets out a sigh of relief, “Don’t open the mass text that you got this morning.” “What are you talking about? What mass texts?” Y/N questions. Despite her friend’s warning, she opens up her texts to see a group chat containing just about every Kook and Pogue near their age. Derogatory and disgustingly sexual texts from various males of the island are sprinkled in between texts defending an unknown she. Y/N keeps scrolling, ignoring the call of her name coming from her phone. The start of the conversation is finally in sight. She freezes at the thumbnail of the video; a familiar bedroom portrayed on her screen. She hesitates to press the play button, but there is a sick part of her that needs to confirm what she suspects. 

The room is still in the video for a few seconds before light is brought in through the opening of the door. As soon as her giggles reach her ears and Rafe kissing her neck comes into the frame, she throws the phone across the room. Who had recorded them?  Why would they want to invade their privacy by not only filming such an intimate activity but sharing it with people it did not belong to? The discomfort in her stomach grows tenfold and she has to run to the bathroom to stop herself from making a mess in her bedroom. 

She can hear the front door being opened and Rafe’s voice fills the air. “Beautiful, are you here?” She can’t call out to him, too busy emptying her stomach in the toilet. He finds her hunched over the toilet and rushes to her side. One hand forms a ponytail in her hair and the other rubs her back soothingly. “I’m guessing you saw the text,” he whispers, bringing his lips to her temple. She can merely let out a cry as she wipes the corner of her mouth and curls into his hold. She cries in silence for a moment, “I feel so violated. I don’t feel safe anymore. Rafe, who could’ve filmed us in your bedroom?” Rafe’s heart sighs a little, thanking the universe that she doesn’t suspect him because he has absolutely nothing to do about this. “I don’t know, Beautiful. But I’m going to find them and make them pay,” he promises to her. 

“I don’t care about revenge. I care about the fact that someone destroyed something that was supposed to be between us and made it into an object to be viewed by any asshole who wants to jerk off to it. I care about the fact that I don’t feel beautiful anymore because I’ve read all the horrid objectifying things people think about me.”

“Hey, look at me. Don’t ever doubt your beauty, Beautiful. Don’t let those pervs have that part of you that should feel like yours. You are beautiful in so many other ways than just your body. Why do you think it’s your nickname?”

She looks up to him with warmth in her heart, “What other ways am I beautiful?” “In your mind. In your heart. In your love for everyone around you. In everything you do. The people, who say those things about you, don’t know what true beauty is,” Rafe reassures the best that he can. He knows nothing can really placate what she is feeling. If she is feeling even half of what he is, the turmoil going on in his girlfriend’s mind would be categorized as the worst type of hurricane. What they are going through is worse for her because women are always crucified in these situations while men are praised. All Rafe wants to do is comfort his girlfriend, “What can I do to make you feel better?” “I want to go to the police about this. I know it won’t take the video back but at least the person who sent it will get their justice and hopefully, they won’t be able to do this to someone else,” she whispers. Rafe nods, “I’ll go get you some clothes.”

He stands up, giving her a kiss before going to her room to get a change of clothes. The whispers of her name calling from the phone catches his attention and he leans down to pick it up. “Sarah?” he questions. Sarah lets out a breath, “Rafe, where is she? Is she okay? I tried to tell her not to look. I didn’t even know you guys were dating. Nobody knew.” “That’s because it was a secret. It wouldn’t be a secret if everyone knew,” he states plainly into the phone. “And she’s doing as okay as anyone in this situation would be. She obviously feels horrible about it. Listen, I gotta go. We are going to go to the police station. Get down to the bottom of this.” With mumbled goodbyes, he hangs up the phone and gets Y/N’s clothes. 

——

At the station, the police take Rafe and Y/N’s statements and phones as evidence to track down the number who sent out the text. Rafe opens up the car door for her and rounds the car to the driver’s side once she is in. When he enters, tears are already streaming down her face. He pulls her over the center console into a hug to comfort her. “I know this is hard, but we are going to get through this together. I promise,” he vows to her, running his fingers through her hair. This whole mess feels like hell, but at least they have each other. 

Taglist: @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #outer banks #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe #rafe x reader #rafe imagine #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron fic #obx fanfiction #rafe cameron x you #rafe fic #outer banks rafe #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks imagine #outer banks x reader #outerbanks #obx #obx fic #obx imagine #obx fanfic

[bird-inacage]

Love in the Air: Sky’s Desire to be Loved

Sky is already breaking my heart. What I really picked up on in this episode is despite the pain, disappointment and trauma Sky carries with him, he still ultimately just wants to be loved.

At the race, when he first realises Prapai is staring at him, he looks slightly taken aback in a pleasantly surprised sort of way. Like ‘oh, he noticed me’. It’s evident that Sky finds Prapai very attractive, and so when Prapai takes him aside, you can tell that Sky is shy, nervous even. That’s the sort of reaction you only have in front of someone you potentially like. However, as soon as Prapai comes out with his proposition, Sky’s impression of him immediately does a 180. You can tell how hurt he is by this revelation. It’s not simply ‘oh this guy is an asshole too’, but more so, ‘why is this happening to me again?’

The fact that Sky agrees to their one night stand is more than just about repaying a favour or rising to the challenge. To me this is a sign of self-destructive behaviour. I think he resorts to his usual defence mechanism which is playing nonchalant. Maybe if he pretends to be unaffected and somehow detached from this emotionally, he won’t be hurt when it dawns on him all over again that this was purely a physical transaction. But he goes into this knowing that he’s hurt, hurting and will be hurt further by it.

I think Sky feels better when he has control and is taking the initiative. Because then something at least is on his terms, and he can convince himself he’s okay that it is just sex.

So Sky chooses to give in purely to lust, and to allow that to sweep him away. He is able to enjoy their night together simply on a physical level. However, immediately afterward you can tell Sky is unhappy, empty and regretful. He feels like nothing but an object of desire. His attempt to detach himself emotionally wasn’t successful. So he reaches for Prapai again for that momentary high. The brief comfort that comes from connecting with someone during sex is only temporary.

People who have experienced abusive or toxic relationships, desperately want the other person to love them equally, and are therefore willing to compromise their own discomfort, their own boundaries and concede to more and more to please that person.

I do also think that some people who are desperately seeking love, sometimes mistake any form of intimacy as a substitute. They’ll take what is offered to them, even if it makes them feel bad about themselves. Which is why I believe Sky continued to engage with Prapai that night, because he probably tried to convince himself that it was enough, which clearly backfired.

Then we see Sky leave the hotel, looking so dejected, small and alone. What kills me about these scenes is the quiet resignation in Sky’s acceptance of the situation. He just looks like he’s thinking ‘how could you be so stupid?’ And when he says “you’re also an asshole” - he sounds genuinely disappointed. Like he was really hoping Prapai would be different and prove him wrong.

Sky then returns home where he clearly wants to cry but holds it in. I think Sky believes that if he truly broke down in that moment, then he would have truly admitted defeat. That it would be affirmation that he has allowed this to get to him and hurt him, when he was so determined not to let that happen again.

“Shitty things always happen to me”. When bad things happen repeatedly to someone, it’s easy to internalise that as if it is somehow your fault because the common denominator is you.

Later in the episode, there are multiple scenes where Sky reiterates that he doesn’t think Prapai would ever truly be interested in him. That Prapai’s interest in pursuing him is just for sex.

When he answers Prapai’s call for the first time, he doesn’t yet know who it is, and yet Prapai crosses his mind. This shows that Prapai did leave an impression on him. Sky has not completely erased him from his mind.

The other important detail to note here is that even though Sky deems Prapai an ‘asshole’, he doesn’t at any point say he’s not attracted to him. He’s always commenting on how he feels Prapai wouldn’t be attracted to him. This demonstrates that Sky does genuinely believe (despite all his negative impressions) that Prapai is out of his league and would never take real notice of him. He would not be having these thoughts if he didn’t like Prapai on some level. And he hates himself for that, because he feels he should know better.

It’s because he’s attracted to Prapai that he can’t help feeling taken by Prapai’s advances. He even peers out of the window to see if Prapai is still there. He repeatedly tells himself to shake out of it, knowing he shouldn’t entertain these delusions.

In the last scene where Sky receives the sunflowers, he’s taken aback for a moment when Prapai tells him why he sent them. “Cause sunflowers face the sky, I can’t be the sun for you but whenever you see sunflowers, remember that this wind’s watching over the sky”.

Sky is aware that Prapai is sweet talking. But he can’t help himself from being genuinely touched for a moment, like his brain is going ‘see, someone is doing this for you, that must mean something right?’.

At this stage Prapai doesn’t fully mean it. Not really. The man has no idea what his own feelings for Sky are. But this was still surprisingly heartfelt and sweet. A passing comment which meant a whole lot to Sky in that moment because it was so nice to just hear someone try and sweet talk him for once - regardless of how genuine it was.

Sky is clearly conflicted over his feelings around Prapai. He knows he should be staying well away, but at the same time he can’t help but want to be the object of someone’s attentions. Little does he know how deeply Prapai will come to love him.

#this broke my fragile heart #LITA #love in the air #love in the air series #LITA analysis #prapaisky #love sky #sky #love in the air episode 8 #i have a lot of thoughts on sky this episode #sky needs to be cherished treasured and adored for the rest of time #again - im not a novel reader so please keep spoilers away

[xaeoism]

You invite Muichiro to the amusement park

"Hey mui! Would you like to go to the amusement park with me tonight? I've got a ticket to spare.", you asked him one day in class, waving the extra ticket in front of his face to get his attention.

"Huh? Oh sure, I don't have anything to do anyways.", he relied, accepting the ticket you were waving.

As the night approached, you got more nervous since this was your first time asking your crush to go out with you. Your friends have been continuously asking you to make a move to turn your friendship with muichiro into a relationship since it was clear how muichiro couldn't tell you had a huge crush on him.

You walked towards the entrance getting more anxious each second. What if he forgot about this outing? No no he wouldn't just keep calm. Even though you tried to steady your breathing you just couldn't stop your heart from beating like crazy. However, your worries dissipated once you saw a familiar person at the entrance staring at the amusement parks rides and games.

"Muichiro! Sorry for being late, did I make you wait?"

"No.. my brother just dropped me off here."

You sighed in relief. You don't think you would ever forgive yourself if you had come late and made a bad impression on the first outing that you had with your crush.

"Shall we head in then?", you questioned, smiling at him.

Walking through all the game stalls made you feel a little dizzy. The lights were blinding and the amount of people here didn't make things better either. You tried weaving through the horde but it was to no avail. To make matters worse, you lost sight of where muichiro went to, this meant that you were all alone. Blood rushed to your head in an instant causing you to feel incredibly overwhelmed and lightheaded. Tears started to form in the corner of your eyes due to the distress you were feeling. Suddenly, a hand reached out to grab you and pull you out from the sea of people.

"Hey, are you alright?", Muichiro asked, concern evident from the scrunch of his eyebrows as he looked at you.

"Yeah.. thank you for getting me out of that", you replied, embarrassed at the fact that you were about to cry from such a small incident.

Before you could wipe away the tears that were about to fall from your eyes, you felt a piece of fabric come in contact with your face. You closed your eyes in discomfort, opening them once more only when the fabric was done helping you dry your tears and the sight that greeted you was Muichiro holding his sleeve, scanning your face for any more tears. The thought of Muichiro helping you dry your eyes made your heart race so fast you thought it might just burst out from your ribcage at this moment.

"There's nothing to cry over.. let's continue checking out the stalls and rides.", he said softly before turning his back to you and walking forward.

You stood still, your brain still trying to process what had just happened before registering his words and catching up to him.

As you two continued strolling around, a little stuffed bear caught your eye.

"Hey mui, can we check that stall out? I want to win that bear", you asked, grabbing his sleeve to stop him from walking further.

The two of you walk towards the stall only to find out that it was a shooting stall. You cringed - you weren't the best at shooting games but decided to give it a shot anyways. You handed the money to the stall keeper and took the toy gun. Holding it to your eye level, you took a deep breath before aiming for the targets in front of you. As expected, you failed horrendously and somehow managed to miss every target. Even the stall keeper snickered - shocked at how bad you were. Your face became a light shade of red at the thought of embarrassing yourself in front of Muichiro again and you walked away from the stall, looking down at the ground while doing so as to avoid eye contact with him.

"One game please.", Muichiro said as he handed money to the stall keeper.

You turned around and saw him bringing the gun to his eye level, concentrated on hitting every target that he sees popping up within his sight. He usually wouldn't put this much effort in games but hearing the keeper snicker at your effort just made him feel very displeased. You and the stall keeper watched in awe and shock respectively at the fact that he managed to gun down every target with little to no effort at all.

He put the gun down after it ran out of bullets and pointed at the bear you wanted.

"Hand that bear over to me.", muichiro said, slightly glaring at the keeper.

You hear the stall keeper grumble under his breath, reluctantly handing the stuffed toy over to him. Muichiro then turned around and gently placed the bear in your hand.

"You wanted it right? Here, its my gift to you.", he said, eyes softening when he looked at you with a small smile.

You looked from the bear and back at him. You felt as if you had just fallen even more in love with him, this can't be good for your heart. All you want to do right now is to tell him your feelings and just be together with him already.

"Muichiro, I-", you started, his interest piqued when he heard you say his name.

"Uhm.. thank you..", you said softly, head down so he couldn't see your expression of self hate right now. Good job, you thought to yourself. You just missed the perfect opportunity. You slowly raised your head up, just in time to see a genuine smile flash across his face. He placed his hand on top of your head and gently caressed it to make sure he didn't mess up your hairdo.

"Welcome.. I'll gladly help you win any toy you want anytime"

Maybe... it isn't so bad staying as friends. You were worried about how your confession may have broken the special bond you both currently have as well. If confessing ruins the friendship you guys have, you would rather not confess at all, choosing to keep all your feelings towards him under the wraps where he will never know about.

#muichiro x y/n #muichiro x reader #muichiro #muichiro tokito #muichiro x you #kny muichiro #demon slayer muichiro #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #mist hashira x reader #mist hashira #hashira x reader #hashira x y/n

[ninapi]

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Save me (Kageyama Version)

Premise: Friendship is a fragile thing. Keeping you safe was his priority for the longest time, but overcoming hardships along someone you hold dear form irreplaceable, indestructible bonds, and a childhood friend can easily become the love of your life; or so that was for Kageyama Tobio.

Word Count: 2359

Warning: Toxic Oikawa coming through- 🫣

Chapter 3: Broken

The evening breeze came to an end bringing deep heavy moisture into the air, suddenly breathing became difficult and even if the moon shines bright in its highest point, it feels like being swallowed by an infinite darkness.

Tobio wasn’t one to read much into a situation, he was straightforward, naïve even. Complex situations weren’t his strength and he avoided them at all costs. But there was one complex situation in particular that he couldn’t get away from no matter how hard he tried.

You took interest in him when majority of people despised him, you smiled for him, cared for him like no other, you were worth his time, his effort, even if that came with an awful sense of dread.

“So, what if I was?” you were tugging on Tobio’s sleeve, wanting nothing to do with the man in front of you. Avoiding this sort of encounters was always the goal when it came to your friendship, Oikawa meant uncomfortable situations more often than not, your day couldn’t get more difficult.

Oikawa contemplated his reply, he was just mocking Tobio, he never really expected him to want to kiss his girl. He knew you, you always had Tobio in a little pedestal, always sang his victories, always worried for his well-being even when your own boyfriend was the one causing said discomfort. He knew you would always take his side no matter what, he knew today wouldn’t be an exception and that made his blood boil. “And why would she let you kiss her? Why would I let you kiss her? She’s mine, never forget that Tobio-chan.”

Tears started falling from your eyes like waves in a stormy day. You weren’t sad nor scared, you were just tired of this entire situation.

Locking yourself away for over a year had been a complete waste of time, of energy. He found you anyways and he hasn’t changed one bit. You lost so many opportunities to enjoy your first high school year, all due to fear and you were the only one to blame, it was your decision, the easiest way to deal with the problem was running away from it. But it was all for nothing, he was there standing in front of you, ready to punch your world upside down once more.

You were tired of being embraced by dread, fear, instability, all you wanted was to move on.

“The one that keeps forgetting things it’s you. How can you still think you have some type of right over her when you haven’t seen her in over a year?”

“She will always be mine, you can’t escape your destiny, no matter how far you try to run away from it.”

This situation was exhausting, you were so tired of this man and his self-righteousness. Your knees were getting weak, and you couldn’t keep up with what was going on after hearing Oikawa’s words. Before you could realize what happened, you found yourself knees deep in mud, breath ragged and unstable, the sobbing getting out of hand.

You just wanted this to end.

Tobio crouched beside you, resting one of his hands on your lower back offering his support both physically and emotionally. He’s not a man of many words, he doesn’t know how to make others feel better, how can someone even feel better in a situation like this. But he learned through you that just being there for someone can be as powerful as a pep talk, all he had to offer was expressed in that one simple action, you were the only one that mattered, and you always read him like an open book.

“Sweetie, why are you crying? I thought you’d be happy to go on a date with me. We can go get some dinner, maybe watch a movie, you could even come to my house if you want to, mom still asks about you. Come on, get up, let’s get going.” he was approaching your shaky self and even if his words were kind enough for anyone that heard them, you could hear the sharp end hidden in the dripping honey, this wasn’t a request, it was an order.

“I don’t feel like going on a date, Toru. Can you please go home?” you didn’t want things to escalate but you also didn’t want him to come back looking for you again, it was a blurry line you had to wonder carefully around to avoid conflict. “Is this about Tobio-chan again? I’ll let this one time go just for you, ok. Let’s go, pumpkin. I want to cuddle you to sleep tonight.” he was now tugging you up by the hem of your shirt, his rough actions not matching his sweet nothings, as usual.

“Stop pulling her like that, she’s not a dog on a leash. Why don’t you get it? She doesn’t want to go, even I can see that.” Tobio tugged you gently, nestling you on his side, a protective arm around your waist. It was weird how he always managed to make you feel safe with such little effort. “Sorry but I don’t really care for what you think you see or don’t. I know her, she’s been with me for years, she’s always like this and then ends up enjoying our time together, she’s just a handful you see, but I know how to deal with her.”

Your guts were having a party inside your body, chills were littering your otherwise soft skin. You wanted to be strong enough to reject him, but you didn’t want one of his violent outbursts to come right after, he did try to hit Tobio the last time that happened. “Toru, I need you to understand that we aren’t together anymore. Please don’t come looking for me, I won’t go on dates with you, I don’t have feelings for you any longer. Let’s call Iwaizumi-san, maybe he can go for dinner with you and have a good time.”

“You don’t have feelings for me any longer? So who do you have feelings for now? Don’t tell me is the pathetic child holding you, that would make me laugh.”

Kageyama was physically there, but his mind was running a thousand miles per minute, it felt like a match point kind of situation if he loses focus the entire thing would go south. “Again, so what if she did? What matters now is that she doesn’t want you here.” he could feel your hammering heart against his ribs, this would get bad soon he could feel it in the air, he had to get you out of there, fast.

“Ok, ok. I see today’s not the day. Give me your phone, baby girl. Let’s meet over the weekend, I’m sure you’ll feel better by then, you’re probably too tired.” He just wouldn’t get it no matter what you said, no matter what you did.

This was getting out of control and Kageyama didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t rely on you, you were too broken to think of a plan, a diversion. He needed to think quickly if he was to even dream of seeing you again, having Oikawa back in your life would not only drift you two apart once more but it was potentially harmful for you.

Tobio suddenly remembers this one manga he took from Hinata’s school bag the other day after practice. He kept on raving about how it was the best ending he’s ever read before and how he couldn’t believe it was actually a shojo manga he took from his little sister’s room. It was quite good even for Kageyama’s standards and said ending did make an impression on him, the scene he was currently in seemingly similar to the dramatic ending of the story.

Without putting much thought into it, he grabbed your face with both of his hands, bringing your face up to his, pressing his lips ever so slightly against yours. It was a fleeting moment, a confusing one at that, but you could feel every single muscle in your body relax. His lips were warm, soft, inviting, as soothing as lips could ever be. Not even once before you thought about kissing him, but now you regret not doing it sooner. It felt so right, like that was the most natural, obvious thing to ever happen.

Oikawa on the other hand was seeing red, if there was one thing he wouldn’t allow would be his girl being taken away by the one person he holds the deepest grudge in his life. Deep inside he always knew this would happen, he was the only reason you broke up, the only reason you fought, everything would be easier if Tobio wasn’t there to ruin his life. “What do you think you are doing, you scum! Get away from my woman!”

But his words only fired up a seeping desire hidden within you. Grabbing a hold of Tobio’s collar you brought him even closer to you, deepening the kiss. This was his first kiss, he didn’t really know what he was doing, but he trusted you. He knew this wasn’t about Oikawa anymore, this was your first shared kiss and in it there were many unspoken feelings lingering. He closed his eyes mimicking your own actions, one of his hands wondered down to your waist to keep you in place while the other remained on the side of your face. Your lips tasted like cherry lip gloss, he’s never tasted anything sweeter before. Not even Oikawa’s hysterical shouts were enough to break the magic spell you had him in. It was short lived, but the hazy look in your eyes, slightly disoriented, lips parted in a soft panting, red tinged cheeks, were driving the man insane, making him dive in for another kiss, this one getting heated rather quickly.

Oikawa was speechless.

No matter how many nasty insults came out of his mouth, no matter how many times he tried to physically pull you two away, there was no way to break you two apart. It was like some sort of magnet held you pressed against each other, dulling your senses to anything but the other.

Annoyed with his own life, Oikawa decided to leave for the moment. He needed to reorganize his thoughts, this wasn’t unexpected, but he still didn’t think he would live to see it happen right up on his nose.

You never kissed him like that, not even once. It was such a desperate hungry kiss, tugs, pulls, pants, gasps, it wasn’t something someone should witness in front of a school, it was something you just shouldn’t witness at all. It drove him mad, anxious even. So, he walked aimlessly into the darkness of an alley way without any of you noticing his departure.

Kiss after kiss, thirty minutes went by. There were no words, just kisses, caresses, meaningful glances. That was Kageyama Tobio for you, intense, kindhearted, solely focused on his task at hand. Whether that’d be in volleyball or a make out session, it’s always been the hottest thing.

 “(Y-y/N), I…I…” he was trying to come up with an explanation, he didn’t want you to think he kissed you just to shut Oikawa up, it was what he intended at first, but right now it wasn’t in the slightest, you were the only one in his eyes, not even the break down from earlier mattered anymore to any of you.

He thinks of the way he felt hours earlier in the gym when his eyes finally met yours after such a long time. Many things were felt in that moment and that’s something that doesn’t happen often for him, besides annoyance and hunger there’s not many things he dares to say he feels in a daily basis. But in that moment, he felt seen, he felt wings spring out of his back, your smile entrancing him closer like a moth to a lamp. He’s known this for a while, but always pushed it to a corner of his brain where things he doesn’t care for live, like math. But now he just couldn’t run away from his feelings anymore, his heart wouldn’t be able to take it, even breathing was hard ever since he saw you today.

“I know, Tobio. I do too, probably for a while, don’t know for sure since when, but yeah. I do too.” your voice was nothing but a whisper, no one but him would be able to hear this. You didn’t need him to say it, you know him, it’s always been hard for him to express himself, but you could see it in his eyes, the adoration, and years of longing, all was pouring out of his beautiful blue eyes, no words were necessary.

Plunging for one more kiss before leaving, he sighs against your lips happily. It felt great having someone who understands you to the point where you don’t have to even talk, it was particularly good for him since he has such a hard time being honest with himself, but that struggle wasn’t necessary with you, you saw right through him like if his heart had some sort of transparent sheet covering it. You’ve always been like that since the very beginning of your friendship and that’s what got him so deep into this.

“Tell me when you get home, ok?” nuzzling his cheek with the tip of your nose, you gave him the softest smile he’s ever seen, digging holes into his internal organs. “Yeah, go in. I’ll wait until you’re inside just in case.”

You both were aware that Oikawa wasn’t there anymore, but none of you noticed when he left, if he said or did something, all he could see was you and all you could see was him.

An unexpected way to end the night, but wonderful nonetheless.

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Tagged babes:@dazaisfavgf @lauraagrace @san-emi

Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter

#haikyuu!! #fluff #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x y/n #slow burn #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x f!reader #haikyu x reader #angst #kageyama x you #kageyama fluff #kageyama x y/n #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio #karasuno

[you-are-forever-special]

There is a weird noise coming from somewhere. Only your OC can hear it and it is driving them crazy! -can they focus their mind and ignore the noise? What is something that gets to your OC so badly that they can't ignore?

(Thank you for this!! ☆ I had fun~!)

---

On a glorious summer day, Taiga sat contently in her little cottage tucked peacefully away into the dense foliage of the local woods she resided in.

It was another tranquil day, and the girl had no plans at the moment.

So, as she sat at her little desk at the corner of her room, Taiga took this time to catch up on reading a book that she recently discovered and picked up.

An ethnography on "Haitian Vodou, Cuban Yoruba, and Bahian Candomblé?"

'Sign me up,' Taiga thought almost instantly.

It was never too much, in her eyes, to be able to find out all of the things she could come to learn about the different people of this world.

However, that comforting feeling of peace she felt as she continued to be absorbed by the text printed out before her, was suddenly disturbed.

Something akin to a high-pitched human scream caused Taiga's sensitive ears to instinctively, instantaneously perk up more at attention.

But at the same time, she quickly set her book down at the current page she left off of and recoiled; making a face of discomfort and shock as that sound rattled through her bones.

A sense a dread quickly fell over Taiga like a big, suffocating murder-blanket as she covered her ears, despite her best efforts to try and stay calm about this after she recovered from the initial startle.

That... scream.

It felt off.

Was someone in trouble? Was she the only one hearing this?

Either way, she couldn't, in good conscience, just sit here and do nothing about it...

Even if noises like that tended to put her on edge, more often than not.

As Taiga uncovered her ears, she tried to remind herself to take a few deep breaths before she stood up from her chair.

She tried to strengthen her resolve.

She knew these woods, just like any place, could be dangerous.

But it's not every day Taiga heard a distressed cry out here.

She jumped slightly once she heard it cut through the air again, and the fur on her tail was much more puffed up by this point from the added consternation of this situation Taiga now found herself in.

Regardless, if this hypothetical person were in trouble, it'd be better to get moving rather than hesitate any longer.

So as she swiftly moved over and grabbed her emergency survival kit, Taiga still at least chose to try and err on the side of caution before going to check it out like a character in a predictable B-movie.

Grabbing her nata for extra protection, along with tucking her phone in her front pocket.

Just in case.

Taiga hiked the bag over her head and shoulder before leaving her cottage and locked up fast.

Keeping an ear out, whenever she heard the scream, she tried to follow where it was coming from.

Thankfully, she knew these woods well enough by now, but made sure to continue drilling it in her head to remember each of the directions she went down.

Ever since she lived on the road for a while, Taiga didn't like relying solely on a cellphone and tried having a backup plan whenever possible.

Like a physical compass.

Just. In. Case.

Her brain repeated on a loop as she tried to stay calm enough to not panic and make the situation worse.

Funny how a place so serene could turn devolve into a much more sinister atmosphere by just one change of events.

Taiga tried not to overthink, but it was still hard for her sometimes.

Moments like this, a person isn't always prepared for.

That crushing weight and ball dropping feeling within her...

Whether from natural survival instincts or the irrational side of her anxiety, it never felt good.

Even if Taiga could step up to the plate, there was always that question:

What if?

But she didn't have time to dwell on those thoughts for much longer.

Because the sound was now close behind her.

Her ears drooped after turning towards the source of the much more piercing sound.

Taiga's eyes widened, and she froze on the spot.

Questions of how, who, when, and why didn't stay in her mind's eye for long, because it was all overpowered by the crippling fear that overtook her.

This could have actually been a trap.

The noise seemed to have kept circling her most of the time.

Almost like Taiga was being evaded, and/or taunted the further she went and the harder she looked.

She honestly doubted anyone was possibly in trouble at this point.

But she wanted-

Needed to be brave.

No matter what.

After all... Leaving finding out the truth or not aside, she couldn't just stand here forever.

Taiga took a silent, deep breath, before gritting her teeth.

Clenching her nata tighter, she suddenly spun around fast; her eyes hastily scanning her surroundings as she got into a combat stance if she needed to fight.

But there was no opponent.

Besides a...

Oh.

It was a bird all along.

A starling, specifically.

It all made much more sense to her now and Taiga looked at the stance she was in before relaxing her body once again.

No wonder the cry seemed so off in a way; should've known.

She felt so silly, and so many emotions flowed through her at once while she stood there.

But as the majestic little creature let out another call, Taiga let out a sigh as she facepalmed and just laughed to herself as they flew away, off into the horizon.

#Mika “Taiga” Taira #Taiga #“Taiga” #Mika Taira #Mika #Taira #OC #oc #writing #prompt #writing prompts #writing prompt #prompts

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Matthew | I Will Hold You | Platonic

Dialogue prompt: “It’s okay to cry.”

Requested: Yes

Matthew finally breaks when you tell him that he can let go of his pent up sorrow.

It sincerely never gets easier for him. No matter how many years pass, Matthew feels himself drifting further and further away from the community he had grown up in.

Of course he had always known that he was different, as did his parents, although they never directly addressed it. He had been a very promising student, could have gone into Torah school easily if he would set his mind to it and appeared to have a particular talent with numbers. 

However, somewhere along the way, he had taken a wrong turn.

His parents had never expected the same from him as they did of his sister. She had been the pride and joy, the person they’d expect to bring them grandchildren and thus continue their bloodline. Alphaeus and Elisheva had never even considered Matthew pursuing such a life, fully aware that their son was so much different from the rest of their community in a way that would cause him to be an outcast no matter where he’d go.

Perhaps he should have known better. He was thirteen at the time, maybe naive, maybe blinded by the possibility for success and honour. There is no pride in his work and the money in his pockets was dirty.

The memory of his father telling his mother to sit shiva right in front of his nose stating that he had no son stings a little more whenever the Jewish Holidays roll around. Right now, during Purim, people are dancing around the streets with their rattles and musical instruments, singing their joyful songs to celebrate Esther’s victory against Haman. The homes are filled with the delicious scent of food and children clinging to their parents, cheering and laughing and finding themselves secure within their loving arms.

Matthew tries to enjoy himself - he truly does - for he has friends now that he had never  even dared to dream of having. More than he can count on two hands, even, which is a feeling that remains alien to him. How true this bond is, he cannot yet say, for he sees their glares, especially from Simon, who looks at him with distrust. Other people around Capernaum seem to not be fully convinced of it either, jabbing and spitting at him as a means to express their hatred for the years of discomfort he has caused them.

He doesn’t blame them.

The former tax-collector has often told himself that he did have no choice but to take the job, but in the end, he truly accepted the position of publicanus. Ever since he realised this, he feels more guilty than ever before.

His mind is running rampant tonight and nobody seems to notice his absence.

Except you.

You peel yourself loose from in between Big James and Jesus as you are dancing to the music echoing through the house, laughing at one of Philip’s jokes as you take a sip of wine. Your eyes go through the crowd to find the friend you haven’t seen in a while: Matthew, poor shrunken Matthew, who sits with his shoulders slumped at a table. You take two of the prune-stuffed pastries Andrew offers you and thank him with a grateful smile before striding over to the former tax-collector, who doesn’t even look up at you when you take a seat next to him.

“Hey you,” you say, “How are you feeling? What’s with the pout?”

Matthew shrugs and lets his eyes go to the pastry you place in front of him. “Here you go.”

You take a large bite from your own food and hum in appreciation. “Would you like to dance with me, Matthew?” 

“No.” is the first word he tells you. You aren’t hurt by his rejection, smiling and looking at him after swallowing your bite.

“Then at least tell me what is bothering you.”

“Nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like nothing, Matthew. You haven’t even touched your fruits yet, let alone this amazing Hamantash that I just gave to you.”

Matthew sighs and dares to look at you from the corner of his eye. “I just don’t feel very festive today.”

“Why not?” you genuinely query, “It’s Purim. Everybody loves Purim.”

“I just… I’m sorry for not carrying the same sentiments as the rest of society.”

Your smile falls. “Hey now, I didn’t mean it like that. It is okay to not feel like partying, Matt. That’s totally fine. I just want to know if there is anything I can do for you. All I want to do is to make you smile again.”

“I don’t think you can do anything about what is bothering me, (Y/n).” Matthew bitterly sighs. “I appreciate you for trying, but there is… Really no way.”

You put down your half-eaten pastry and turn to him with a look of concern on your features. “How do you know if you don’t tell me?”

Matthew sighs in defeat and looks through the crowd. Eden’s mother is handing out plates loaded with food, praising her daughter for helping her. John and James are pranking Zebedee by twirling a rattle right next to his ear, even though Salome tries to stop them. A few children Matthew doesn’t know climb onto their father’s back, who hauls them around gladly, causing them to cheer in delight.

“Look at them. All of them are enjoying themselves with their parents. And then there’s me. I haven’t seen them in a long time.”

Your shoulders slump. You know his story and are aware of how much it has meant to his position within the community. “That must hurt a lot.”

Matthew nods and lowers his gaze to the table. “I just… I’d like to… To celebrate with them again, you know? I’m finally finding back my roots within our society and I’m just… It pains me to witness that and realise that I cannot have that same connection with my mother and father anymore.”

“I’m sorry.” you whisper. “But you’re not alone. You know, Mary lost her father too when she was very young. Philip and Nathanael never mention their parents. Thomas has no father anymore. I think a lot of us are orphans, actually.”

“But it’s different for me,” Matthew says, “I am an orphan even though my parents are still alive!”

Falling silent, you sigh deeply. “Have you… Ever considered going to their home to invite them over?”

Matthew blinks and shakes his head. “What is the point? They don’t want to see me.”

You frown. “You don’t know that.” you retort, “For all you know, your mother prepared an extra plate of food for you to eat in the hopes that you’ll show up at their doorstep.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think so.” Matthew huffs, “I’m nothing but a bother to them.”

“Stop saying such things about yourself–”

“If anything, I’m sure that both of them are happy that I am gone from their lives. I brought so much shame upon them already, they had every right to disown me. I don’t even understand why you are talking to me right now–”

“Matthew—”

“I don’t think I could ever be a good friend to you, (Y/n), because you know how they say: once a friend of the Romans, always a friend of the—”

“Matthew!”

He pauses and looks at you wide-eyed, your expression softening once you see how broken he seems. 

“You’ve never properly processed it.” you tell him, “Of course it weighs heavy on you if you’ve never allowed yourself time to give it a place inside your life.”

“Perhaps I don’t want to give it a place,” he exclaims, uncharacteristically snippy, “Because it is not something I should have to get used to, that I have to miss my parents because of my own stupid–”

Tears shimmer on the brims of his eyes and threaten to spill, but he blinks them away as fast as they have formed. 

“Of course I miss them.” he sighs after a second of gathering himself, “So no, it does not get easier, and I fear that once I allow it to get easier, it will make me apathetic to it.” 

You swallow away the lump in your throat and reach for him, hover your hand above his as it rests on the table, but decide against touching it. “That’s the deal,” you say, “Deep inside your heart, you will never be indifferent. No matter how much you try to push it away, it will surface one way or the other where it takes you by complete surprise at your most vulnerable moment. That’s not good, Matthew. You need to deal with it. You need to allow yourself to feel its full weight and then take action, so that this sadness will have nothing against you.”

He stares at you but says no word. You take it as a sign to resume.

“I believe that God can turn your sadness into joy and turn it around again. Because He is a God of transformation, of healing, of mending broken hearts and bringing them together. Bottling up your emotions will eventually shatter you. It will eat you alive, Matthew. I was there once and I do not want to go back to that moment.” 

Your vision blurs and a few tears escape before you can stop them. Matthew frowns in question, for he had no idea that you used to struggle with something yourself.

“What happened?” he softly asks.

“My brother swindled our eema out of a lot of money. She was saving up for the inheritance and he took it all to gamble it away at The Hammer. I was so angry with him, Matthew. I wanted to kill him and it was an ever growing hatred. Our eema passed away and we were left with nothing but debt. My brother fell ill and I didn’t bother going to visit him, even though he was close to death.”

Matthew puts his hand on top of yours. The gentle gesture makes you smile a bit. “And then? Your… Brother died a few months ago, right?” 

“Then He happened.” You nod at Jesus across the room who is dancing with Mary and Simon the Zealot. “Jesus taught me to forgive others like God forgives my sins. If God can forgive us, then who are we to not forgive our peers? I forgave him, went to say goodbye and he passed away with a smile on his face. But that is beside the point I am trying to make. What I am trying to say is that I had all these pent up emotions - anger, guilt, heartbreak. When Jesus came to me one evening whilst I was particularly struggling with my rage, I just broke down. He held me, let me cry until I calmed down and told me what I should do. To forgive, to set aside what happened and to seek reconciliation. It was such a weight off my shoulders. There was no judgement. Just comfort.”

You rub the back of your hand over your cheeks and give Matthew a watery smile. 

“I am willing to give that same comfort to you, Matthew, if you let me. All it takes is to let it all out, to truly feel the weight of your hurt, and to then let it go. Reconciliation with your parents is possible because of Him. Really, Matthew, it’s okay to cry, and I promise that you’ll feel so much lighter afterwards.”

“Will I?” Matthew’s voice shivers. You give him a small nod and smile reassuringly when his eyes burn hot with unshed tears. 

“Come here,” you breathe, opening your arms, awaiting his next move. Whereas you had expected him to either politely decline or carefully hug you, he swings himself around your neck, pushing all air from your lungs. You quickly close your arms around him, bracing yourself whilst he sobs into your shoulder.

It soaks your tunic to the point it grows cold on your back, but you don’t care about that. Instead, you rub gentle circles over his back, allowing him to heave out the anguish and the grief he must have felt over the past years of being called a shame and a failure. 

Matthew learns he doesn’t need to keep himself together. He needs to do so even less in the comfort of the arms of his dear friend, with the Messiah only a shout away. 

His shoulders shake as he cries, and with every jerk of his body, a little bit of the burden is shed.

Matthew grasps onto you as if you would fade the moment he’d let go. Patiently, you hold him for what might be hours.

Across the room, you lock eyes with Jesus, Who gives you a small smile and an affirmative nod. You mirror it before closing your eyes, knowing that Matthew will make peace with his father before he knows it.

#the chosen #the chosen x reader #chosen x reader #matthew #matthew x reader #reader insert #x reader #matthew x you #platonic

[mxrdockromanoff]

Summary: You are a Spider-Woman, who has now been very involved in the spider verse when you have met a group of 6 Spider-People, who try to save the multiverse and their lives, and then become involved in a society and a fight between they. At the same time you have to deal with your sleep disorder that turns out not to be a sleep disorder.

Warnings: Mentions and descriptions of sleep disorder, panic attacks, sleep paralysis, death, suicide, self harm.

Author's Note: Well, I must admit that as much as I love the X-Men, Defenders, and Marvel in general, my heart belongs to the Spiderverse and the Loki series. In my personal opinion, it's kind of funny that TVA and The Spider Society are almost the same. And I imagined a spider involved on both sides, please don't hate me, I'm new to this and I don't know much about parasomnia and narcoleptics. If you can give your opinion you are welcome.

。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆

You don't even know how you got to this situation, you can't even remember how you got to this place and you are not even able to recognize the things around you. You look around you trying to process everything there is, trying to decipher where you are right now, you are in what is a sea, it takes you a while to identify what sea it is, it is the Black Sea, you are on the dock of the black sea, you see the magnificent view in front of you, the beautiful blue sky being accompanied by the view of the sea.

You can perfectly feel the breeze on your face, you can smell the aroma of the sand and hear the tides colliding with each other. In fact, the movement of the sea and its immensity have an almost hypnotic effect on you, it is generating that feeling of tranquility and well-being that allows us to recharge energy.

Or that would have been it, if you didn't see two children in front of you, they are playing happily, throwing stones, jumping off the dock, swimming; They are simply having fun like the two little children they are. And why did those children break the tranquility that the sea worked so hard to generate in you?

Easy, that meant that you are not alone, you are not alone on that dock in 1895, you are surrounded by some office workers and some police dressed in black and high technology, you are hearing a fight, where one of them refused to harm that eight year old boy

They want to take him away, hurt him because that child was supposed to be responsible for more than five thousand deaths, but he was only an eight-year-old child. What harm could a boy having fun with his brother have done? You can perfectly hear the dispute of those people, while you are standing, staring at the scene without being able to move.

And one of those... hunters refused to hurt that boy, and instinctively you refused to hurt him too.

And that was, perhaps, the worst mistake of both of them.

Just by making that decision, bad things began to happen, now the lives of those five thousand people were not the only ones at risk, fellow people died. Everything happened so fast and so indifferent and unreal for you that one of them had to kill the child.

You are not able to remember what happened next, what the hell happens to you to forget it, you are just still, stunned, you feel your heart shatter, for the first time in thousands of years, it is as if you have not felt anything in years.

You feel an unpleasant sensation, and it is like a sting, tingling, discomfort or burning. It's a sharp or dull pain, you can't even identify the many emotions you feel right now.

You just have a damn need to cry and suddenly you're crying, so much that your body can't take it and you fall to the ground on your knees, you start sobbing while the people around you walk away as if nothing happened except for one.

It is that man, with gray hair, who refused, who runs towards you, falls on his knees to hug you and comfort you. He rests your head on his shoulder, letting yourself be carried away by the warmth and tranquility of his arms.

“Calm down, calm down, my little baby, everything will be fine, I promise you,” I whisper right in your ear, rubbing your back and stroking your hair.

December 2018

You woke up suddenly, you raised the upper part of your body totally scared, your chest rises and falls in a pathetic attempt to recover the damn lost air, your forehead is sweaty, you are sweating cold, you feel like your teeth are tingling, around you...

Fuck.

Everything is so unreal, you can't identify anything around you, neither the images nor the sounds, even the movements you make, you feel that this body is not yours, you feel that you are taking this body from a person who really wants live his life, You are even snatching away their own thoughts because you don't even feel real yourself.

They most surprising things about all this Is that you feel a horrible weight on your chest.

You know what it means, so you breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, hold it for a couple of seconds with the air in your stomach, and then exhale slowly. Over and over again with your eyes closed, being so satisfying to your own soul and body. For a moment you forgot that you are not alone, a long time ago you fell into another universe where you met more people just like you (Only they are not mutants)

“Wow. Are you okay? “,You heard a voice next to you, you turned your head to your side, clashing eyes with two people, it was Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker whom you affectionately called Pete but the rest called him Noir.

You looked around, you're not in that damn place anymore. Now you are remembering the day and the place where you are at this moment, you are not able to remember where you are if you can barely recognize the people next to you, you know their names but you do not remember what relationship they have with you, who they are to you. you. You hold the blanket tightly, it is an orange blanket, the feel of the blanket is soft and quality, enough to protect you from this December cold. You sat down, hiding your face completely embarrassed in your hands. You're ashamed of your panic attacks, most people think it's stupid, I wish they knew how horrible it is, even though you wouldn't wish it on anyone.

You feel a hand on your shoulder, as incredible as it may seem you can feel that he is very worried about you, they both are, they have not even asked you questions, they are just there in silence. And you can feel the worry, after all, you're a mutant, you barely know what your abilities are. You barely remember that you are one of them, a spider, you are Spider Woman. Only unlike them you never used a spider web.

“I'm fine”,you could only murmur these words, you gave them a smile in order to reassure them after your show.

Called parasomnia and narcoleptics.

It is the word that you have grown up with since you were a girl, you have always had many complications with your dreams, because you rarely dreamed, you barely have dreams and when you do it is a matter of time before your brain confuses them with memories, because they are so real that later you feel as if they were memories.

Your parents and all the doctors have believed that you are someone very creative, because according to them, you are capable of crossing cognitive limits, which makes you more vulnerable to these states of confusion.

It may be related to a small section of your brain, a fold, the paracingulate sulcus. As it is less pronounced, they experience hallucinations and are worse at identifying what is real with what is imaginary. And when you discover that the memories are dreams, you suddenly can't breathe, you feel a crushing pain in your chest. Your heart begins to beat as if you were running to the top of Mount Everest. You feel pain in your arms and back, you get dizzy and your mind races, you suffer from panic attacks and sleep paralysis, which you have suffered since you became Spider Woman, but the dreams are worse.

The problem? You don't have either, according to some doctors, some say that you have parasomnia and others that you are narcoleptic, because you are not a sleepwalker and your folds are not less pronounced. For some you are fine, but for others, you are a woman with sleep problems.

"Well, get up lazy",Gwen threw the cushion at you when she got up, with a mocking smile and they both churckled", or you will miss out on Ham's magnificent food".

The blonde raised her eyebrows, because she doesn't love Ham's food, if it were up to her, she would eat a little flag and go buy it for you, but without further ado she went to the kitchen, where the rest or some of them are gathered there, that's when you fell. Taking into account that you are on the couch, it could be that after a pleasant practice full of anecdotes, crimes and Pete's cases, you fell asleep. And that could seriously affect your sleep.

He did not leave your side, instead, he remained by your side like the good companion that he has become for you these days in this new universe for you.

"Come on, go with them. I'll go in a while",you asked him still tired, you're fucking tired, especially because sleeping on the couch wasn't a good idea.

" I will stay with your ",I assure you, he has withnessed how your dreams hurt you these days and he wants to be with you to help you",just don't go like you usually do. So please don't go".

It means that when he's not awake first, you leave Aunt May's house, disappear, and come back a day or four like nothing bad happened. You smiled at him, because unlike the people you met, he doesn't despair, he understands you, they all care about you.

"I'm not going anywhere and if I leave, I'll come back. I promise ",you assured him with your smile.

You hoped that all this wouldn't get worse, you've had enough with your parents dying, along with your best friend and the man you saw as your older brother. Not forgetting that you've been through really horrible things since you were only third, now you're seventeen, soon to be eighteen.

I just wish you hadn't gotten worse.

June 2024

Not even they know what it does anymore, they don't know what else it does, they have tried everything, they have used everything they have at hand, they have had help from everyone and despite the differences they had with the spider society they also tried to help .

They are very desperate, at first they thought that you were simply going to be away for a few weeks but they were wrong, they should have known this the moment you were no longer home. They had to have suspected it in the first second.

You had disappeared, precisely, three years ago. It was supposed to be their meeting, they should have bought some burgers, some pies and sodas to spend the day together.

And it never happened, they never saw you again.

"Nothing?",Gwen heard her father's voice, worried about her daughter.

Since you disappeared you left a void in the hearts of each of them, very affected results when they realized what had happened to you. Peter can even attend to his cases very well without even thinking about you and always wakes up in the early morning as if you were still waiting to speak, Peni turns out that she wakes up at night and can't even compose her dream if she doesn't hear you singing. Miles swears he can hear your singing while he draws or studies, Pavitr has commented that he has seen your figure walking through the busy streets of his city. Gwen was perhaps the most affected, when they realized that she disappeared. I don't take it well.

Because later while she was fighting the Vulture she hit her head and when she woke up, she started seeing Ham but the strangest thing (or perhaps comforting for her) was that you were by her side and now every time she feels frustrated, angry or sad you had to appear, you are there to comfort her.

He got to worry his father a lot about that. He knows that the two were very good friends, it was simply difficult for Gwen to accept that you had disappeared and that to this day they don't have a single clue as to where you went. It was difficult to accept losing another friend.

“Society wants to give Y/n up for dead, especially Miguel ”,she confessed, her biggest concern. She broke ties with society a long time ago and has not even spoken to Miguel.

But the simple fact that many want to leave you for dead, for forgotten is what the gang doesn't think about, they know that you are alive, that you will return. You'll come back to them to hug them and be together, but they've waited so long, it's been three damn years. Gwen is the age you were when you disappeared, it's only a matter of time before Peni has her and being exaggerated, for Mayday to have her.

“Damn ",he muttered, meaning his daughter wouldn't take it well.

"We have tried everything, we have looked for every clue about her and nothing about her, she just left, it's as if out of nowhere there was... ",she suddenly besame silent, not even trying to hide her sadness and perhaps her anger.

Because when Miguel told them that it is very likely that you had died a long time ago, that perhaps while you were sleeping, you were sleepwalking and perhaps you had an overdose there or you were run over or perhaps you committed suicide. He is using your disorders to give a theory of what happened to you.

They were upset, without a doubt, they were quite upset because they know you like no one else in the damn world, yes, you had those sleeping disorders, but you had it under control, you were never a sleepwalker and you did things that you shouldn't and despite your panic attacks , you never tried to hurt yourself or do something bad that affects the integrity of others or yours.

She relaxed, keeping in her mind the beautiful moments that you gave to each one, and she saw you, she saw you from the window, you are simply there, standing, staring at her.

"I like to think that she flew away, I'm sure she's out there somewhere ",she shed some tears, because she continues yo deny that you left, that you somehow left and even said goodbye when you always promised yo come back," I hope. May the rest not forget her ".

George went over to hug and comfort her, being reciprocated by Gwen, crying in his arms at the very thought of you being dead.

He knows his daughter Is suffering greatly because of you. He holds you responsible for it.

It was hell for her when they realized you gone, she couldn't stop crying, she deposited all the anger and sadness by playing the drums ando barely wanted to talk, she just wouldn't sleep. Every time he saw her she had tears om his face and he worries that his daughter (Because she has not even been able to move on with Peter's death), both he and the spider gang and his daughter are waiting for you to come back, in the meantime no one will forget you.

They hope so, that no one forgets you, they won't, others would have forgotten you within a month, but they never will, the spider gang will eagerly await your return and will look under the Stones for any clue that leads to you.

Because to be honest, you were barely known in society, both the arachnid and the world, neither of them had accepted you as one of their own. Because? Why were you a mutant? Why were you different from them? Why are you an unstable woman with many problems? Why did you want to save thousands of lives when you couldn't even handle your own?

It was only a matter of time before in a few years, they would completely forget you, that there was a sweet mutante woman who not only haf spider powers, but you had a beautiful singing, a singing that made people happy, but that in that singing was hidden a rather unstable woman.

What they don't know is that you were not there, nor in another universe from another time, otherwise, you are outside of time. And you're no longer the woman they used to know. And even you are able to remember who you were because he, they, erased your memory.

And that's where Gwen was right, because you're there, you're here, you're everywhere.

#spiderverse #tva #lokiseries #mobius m mobius #loki laufeyson #marvel loki #spiderman noir #spider gwen #into the spider verse #spidersona #spiderversextva #spiderversexreader #tvareader #lokiseriesxreader #across the spiderverse #Intothespiderverse #acrossthespiderversexreader #intothespiderversexreader #spiderverseandtva #spiderversetva

[riahlynn101]

Dad December - Day Eight: "Holiday Reunion."

Back to DFO!

Summary: Izuku waits at the front door for his dad to come home. 

Word count: 782

--

Izuku sits on the floor, watching the front door intently. It’s well past his bedtime, and his mom has no idea that he’s still up. But today’s the day that dad’s coming home. It has to be. It’s Christmas Eve, and all the other kids in his class with parents that work abroad got to have their parents come home. 

But as he sits, watching and waiting, Izuku feels unsure. He and his mom have been marking the days on the calendar. If he remembers correctly, it’s been forty-five days since dad’s been home. Which isn’t a lot, for dad being gone, but it gets harder every time he leaves. 

Kids at school have only gotten crueler, and he can’t tell mom about them. She’ll get upset and then, he’ll get upset (because of course he inherited his mom’s sensitivity to life). And they’ll hug each other but nothing will change. And….he hates upsetting his mom. He feels bad making her cry (but sometimes, when it all becomes too much, he’ll curl up next to her and just break down. She might not have all the solutions, but her presence brings him peace). 

Dad, on the other hand, is less prone to tears. He’s easier to talk to, to find solutions with. But he comes with his own problems. Where mom is tender-hearted and can empathize with anyone, dad really only has empathy for three people: himself, Izuku, and his wife. Which is nice when Izuku’s problems are blatantly black and white, but not so much when there’s nuance involved. 

Still, Izuku misses his dad. 

He has no idea what time it is, but it was ten when he creeped out of his room. It has to have been a few hours by now. But if he goes to check, he risks his mom seeing him. Izuku huffs, wrapping his All Might blanket tighter around his shoulders. No matter, dad should be here soon. 

Izuku yawns. Maybe he can catch a few minutes of sleep before dad gets here. He curls up on the floor, blanket wrapped around him. Yeah, just a few minutes of….

-x-x-x-

All for One- Hisashi Midoriya -stomps up the stairs. It had been a hard month and a half. Between All Might destroying his empire in Japan, the police raiding one of his business transactions, and Tomura destroying half the bar in a fit of rage, he’s ready to be home. 

Even ten years on from getting married, Hisashi still can’t believe he’s lucky enough to have a family. The word feels foreign. The last person he called family was his little brother, and he’s not been around for well over a century. 

He sets his suitcase down, unlocking the front door. Now, he’ll have to be quiet. Inko would never forgive him if he wakes their son. Izuku might be seven, but his son gets over emotional when he’s tired (at least more than he already does). 

Ah, home sweet-

Hisashi almost trips, trying to avoid stepping on his son. His son….for one long minute, he stands in the doorway of the apartment, staring down at his son. Izuku should be in bed, so why is he-

It takes him a second to realize that his son was probably waiting for him. Hisashi smiles, sitting his suitcase off to the side. He closes the front door and hangs his jacket up. “I’m home,” he announces in a whisper, scooping his son off the floor (ugly blanket still wrapped around his tiny frame). 

Instead of taking Izuku back to bed, he lays on the couch. His legs hang over the edge, but the discomfort is worth it. Especially when his son snuggles closer to him, a small smile on his lips.

Hisashi strokes his hair. “I’ve missed you,” he murmurs. “Both of you. I was worried I was going to miss Christmas again this year. It feels like you grow so much when I’m gone. It’s not fair. Really, it’s not, but when has life been fair?” He rambles. 

Izuku offers a sleepy groan but nothing more. 

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. At least we all have each other.” He kisses his son’s head. “You’ll never understand how truly loved you are. How much power you hold. You have me and your mother wrapped around your finger, and you don’t even know. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone in a really, really long time.” 

Hisashi sighs, closing his eyes. His arms wrap around Izuku, holding the boy firmly to his chest. Nothing and no one will take his son away from him, not even while he sleeps. 

#daddecember2023 #daddecember #sfw #implied afo x inko #young izuku #dfo au #cross posted on ao3 #queue

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

A Surprisingly Real Part

It's a tad embarrassing that I tend to only reach self awareness through having it pointed out to me by a trusted person close to me (like A or J or my friend M), or through fiction, either the stuff I wrote or stuff someone else wrote that I can actually relate to. And I've only recently realized how my fictional heroines that are probably the most like me are so very clearly autistic. Like...I almost always write an introverted heroine, but (for those of you who have read my work, the names are hopefully familiar) Mary Sue Rice, Samantha Jenkins/Goodman, Stephanie Bamford, and Jessica Fielding/Evers are...on the spectrum. They just...are.

Being both gifted but somehow also constantly feeling like a disappointment. Having a hard time connecting with people in person. Being sensitive emotionally and physically. Being a blunt, direct, literal, and honest communicator. Having the tendency to over explain things. Needing to know the reasons why people do things or believe things or why those rules exist in order to feel good about following them. Seeking certain activities and sensations for comfort/avoiding others because of discomfort, despite it being 'weird' or uncommon or unpopular. I mean...those things are ME. But because of the stereotyping and stigmas attached to autism, if you would have asked me even 3 years ago if I considered myself autistic, I'd have said no. No one ever mentioned that possibility to me in my lifetime. I think 'boys have it more,' and 'really self-centered' and 'really poor communicator' and 'robotic/unemotional all the time' sort of negated the possibility to anyone who might say it regarding me. I'm almost exclusively other focused, and autism is supposed to be a condition that means self-focused. And in writing at least, I'm not a bad communicator. But I've heard that 'heartless and cold' shit a lot in my life, and that's just false. I think a lot of autistic people actually have really high empathy, they just don't show emotion the way neurotypical people do. Plus, I mean...I had a LOT of emotional suppression as a kid. You're laughing too loud; talking too loud/too much; don't cry; don't sing; don't make that noise/face...I mean...of course I've learned to look and act like a robot. That's a lot of repetition of the same lesson.

People DID bring it up about my brother. In the early 1990s when he was a toddler and elementary school aged kid. My mom took him to a doctor after a couple of early educators used the word autism in front of her. The doctor she took him to (the same one who said there was nothing wrong with my legs and reproductive system when she took me there and he said growing pains and normal cramps and gave me painkillers that made me sleepy when other doctors in adulthood gave me corrective equipment for standing and walking and emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy) told her there was no way he was autistic, because he'd give us hugs and look at us when we called his name. He was 'too normal.' All autistic people, to this doctor, were Rain Man or more obvious about it. So my mom just moseyed on, assured her kid was normal. (My brother is quite blatantly autistic; strangers meeting him for the first time pick up on it right away). He has a master's degree in special education now and diagnosed himself; my mom probably should have listened to the educators when he was a kid, but on the other hand, he's doing great without specialized intervention. And so am I. But the denial of something that pretty significantly affected our lives as kids obviously had an impact.

When I read things written by and for autistic people, I always relate. I see myself. I see my brother. I see my dad. I told my mom that my dad is almost certainly on the spectrum too. And she said she feels like a fool, not only having to have her kids figure it out for themselves as adults, but not recognizing it in my DAD, the man she's been with for over 50 years and married to for 48. And for the first time she said she felt sorry about how she's treated all of us, especially my dad, for so long. I told her busting up routine and structure is kind of traumatic for people like us, and she admitted she did that to us, especially Dad, on purpose, pretty often. That's still pain I'm dealing with a lot. It comes out in the fiction. It's probably why I've written four fictional autistic women.

I dunno. Guess I just felt like writing this today.

#it's fucking bizarre recognizing and realizing major shit about yourself in your mid 40s

[honeyypotato]

The Girl in the Woods, Chapter 9: Shiganshina

Here's the link to the other chapters!

Word count: 2,107

AN:

The whole wall scene from the last chapter and the beginning of this one was inspired by that one scene of Reiner and Bert on the wall. 10/10 would join Reiner under that blanket, he looked so cozy

The mental picture I get of Reiner leaning over you helping you put on ODM gear has me in a chokehold

Bertholdt deserves better tbh he’s just a little guy. He’s not little but you know what I mean

Apologies for this being late, I'd already shut my computer down for the night by the time I realized I'd forgotten :/

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You had been camping out on top of the wall for a while, but honestly you weren’t counting the days, even though you knew others were. Zeke couldn’t seem to stop moving, he was either pacing back and forth, running around the nearby forest, or patrolling the wall. Bertholdt was sleeping most of the time, you figured it was better than him feeding off of Zeke’s anxiousness. You and Reiner had taken to playing intense games of catch with small rocks you found on top of the wall. The two of you were in the middle of a competitive game of seeing just how fast you could throw the rock at the other when Pieck’s titan emerged over the side of the wall with Zeke on her back. 

“It’s time to begin scouting. We saw a lot of dust being kicked up by something to the north.” Pieck looked at you. Reiner had filled you in on your role in the attack, and you were slightly disappointed with where they wanted you. However, it made sense; you weren’t present when their plan was formed, and the enemy was unknown to you. You weren’t sure how any of them knew that Eren was going to come to that exact location, but you trusted them, since you knew nothing about Eren. You were also pretty excited to use the ODM gear you had seen Reiner, Bert, and Ymir wearing when you met them.

Reiner got to his feet next to you and nodded at Pieck. He was going to hide inside the wall and wait for Eren and the Scouts to arrive, while Zeke went to gather titans to use as reinforcements. Bertholdt was going to be a last resort, since apparently the titan he turned into was bigger than the walls and explosively destructive. You and Pieck would scout side by side and warn the others when they arrived.

Reiner motioned for you to follow him, and you sat across from each other as he began to teach you how the ODM gear worked. You listened intently; you had never seen technology like this, but apparently it was widely used by the people inside the walls to take down invading titans. After telling you the ins and outs of the gear, Reiner began to help you put it on. You couldn’t help but notice how strong his hands were as they flexed around the harness on your back, and you tried to ignore the flutter in your heart as his fingertips traced your leg, showing you where the straps were meant to go. Before long, you were ready.

You stood a little stiffly in front of Reiner. The gear was definitely odd to wear, you were going to have to get used to so many straps on your legs. It kind of felt like one was up your ass–how did that get there? But despite your mild discomfort, you weren’t sure what to say to the man in front of you. 

Reiner crossed his arms across his chest. “Well, don’t die out there, alright?” He was trying to keep himself from crying, afraid everything might end here. He hadn’t expected to be afraid, but he’d begun to enjoy spending this time on the wall with you. 

“You know I’ll be alright. I’m worried about you, though. Don’t do anything stupid.” You flash him a small smile and then suddenly you’re in his arms, face hidden in his chest. You wrapped your arms around his waist and gave him a squeeze, fighting back tears.

“If I happen to do anything stupid, try and stay back. You have permission from us to fight, but only–and I mean only–as a last resort. My armor is tough, y/n. Don’t worry about me too much.” You can feel his lips move against your hair as he speaks, and his voice is gentle. 

The two of you break apart and the next thing you know, you’re on Pieck’s titan’s back with Bertholdt, half falling down the side of the wall.

You and Pieck chat here and there for a few minutes as you run away from the wall, since she can talk in her titan form. You learn she’s one of Reiner’s comrades who call themselves Warriors, and they’re all from a city named Liberio. They fought in their country’s wars as titans and had earned their country countless victories on the front lines. She’s a hero, you think to yourself, she’s fought so hard. That must be a life worth living. 

Night had fallen and the two of you were growing ever closer to enemy territory. You had been silent for a while, and had gotten in a couple practice swings with the ODM gear earlier in your mission as you moved along. Using the ODM gear was similar to moving through the trees in the forest, so you had picked up the movement pretty quickly. At Pieck’s signal, you leap off of her back and into the forest. You were gliding along between the trees when you saw lamplight in the distance. You switch from using your gear to jumping from branch to branch to keep your cover safe, since the gear made a recognizable whirring sound. As you close the distance, you can hear murmurings coming from the people carrying the lights. You perch in a tree a ways from their trail, listening idly until you hear a name. “Eren.” Your eyes widen. With a soft rustle, you leave the tree, darting amongst the low sturdy branches to the spot you and Pieck had agreed to meet. As you retreat, you find Pieck laying low in the undergrowth.

“One of them called another Eren.” You whisper to Pieck. She nods, and once you’re safely on her back, she darts off towards the group to confirm what you heard. She doesn’t dare get too close, but she’s close enough to see the insignia on their capes. It was the Scouts. She doesn’t hesitate for a second, whipping around back towards the wall, and running alongside it until Shiganshina. Once she decides it’s safe, she leaps onto the wall, scaling it easily. When you reach the spot where your group had been camping, the two of you find only Zeke, sitting cross-legged on the stone surface.

He looks up. “It’s time, isn’t it?” 

Soon enough you were moving again on Pieck’s back with the addition of Zeke and off the wall, leaving Reiner behind to complete his part of the mission. You wait in anticipation until daybreak, when you hear the thundering sound of horses in the distance. The three of you watch from your hiding spot in the woods a good distance from the walls, as tens of people zip around the city with what you now recognize is ODM gear. Suddenly, you see a flash of light and then you gasp, your eyes landing on a titan you had never seen before. It was well-muscled, with glowing green eyes and wild, long black hair.

“That, my friend, is Eren Jaeger.” Zeke whispers in your ear.

You stare with wide eyes at the titan as it suddenly crystallizes itself over the hole in the wall.

“Ah. He’s learned to use hardening.” Zeke seemed intent on being a commentator.

They haven’t found Reiner yet? You think to yourself. Either these people must be a bit dumb, or Reiner’s hiding spot was really good. You continue watching them swing around frantically, and you were just starting to get bored when–

Another flash of light.

Roars from titans interrupted the silence of the city, and you knew they had found Reiner. You tense in anticipation, hands curling into fists.

“Hey. He’ll be okay. Even if titans lose limbs, they’re able to recover.” The soft voice came from Bertholdt, who was hiding in a barrel on Pieck’s back. He must have noticed how tense you were. You flash a faint smile at the barrel.

The four of you sit in silence until Zeke speaks up. “Well, looks like it’s my turn.” You nod at him.

“Good luck out there, Sir.” He nods back at your send-off. “It’s refreshing to have a new face on our side, y/n.” You smile, a little relieved. You had originally been worried that he didn’t trust you and would throw you to your now-enemies.

You watch as a third bright light illuminates your surroundings and suddenly, a gigantic titan with brown fur covering most of its body took the place where you last saw Zeke. You hear a loud roar, and along with Zeke’s titan, more flashes appear around him, smaller titans appearing in a formation around the houses just outside the main wall. The smallest titans begin running towards the crowd of soldiers you notice standing at the foot of the wall.

“Time for me to go, too. You’ll be safe out here. Don’t move, I’ll come back for you when this is all over.” Pieck was needed as backup.

You dismount off her back and pat her shoulder encouragingly. “Do your best out there, Pieck. We’re counting on you.” You couldn’t tell, but inside the titan, she was smiling, already warming up to you. You retreat a few more steps into the forest, the roars of Eren’s and Reiner’s titans shaking the ground. You hold onto a nearby tree as a thunderous BOOM echoes through the countryside, and watch as Zeke winds up to throw another volley of rocks at the soldiers outside the wall. Unable to sit with your anxiety any longer, you climb the tree and sit facing away from the battle, pulling your cloak over your head in an attempt to drown out the noise. The ODM gear made it difficult to perch on smaller branches, and every time Zeke threw more rocks, you held onto the trunk of the tree for dear life. 

Suddenly, the entire sky lights up in a bright red orange explosion, and you fall out of the tree onto your back, staring up at the biggest titan you had seen in your life. The city around it was in flames, you could tell from the billows of smoke appearing above the wall. You crouch in the bushes, out of sight, wishing there was something you could do. That must be Bertholdt’s titan, you think to yourself. Panic starts to set in again as you remember that he was a last resort. You watch in horror as Bert starts to expel a deadly heat that you felt from all the way in the forest, and then you freeze in place as the colossal titan collapses behind the wall.

After what seemed like hours, everything went deadly quiet. You peer around the tree, and begin to panic when Zeke’s titan is nowhere in sight. Then, you see Pieck’s titan leap over the wall, with something in her mouth. She runs towards your spot in the forest and your heart leaps a little when you realize she’s running to get you. They didn’t abandon me—

Every rational thought flew out the window as she got close enough for you to barely recognize the dismembered and burned body in her mouth. Reiner.

“REINER!” You couldn’t help but scream his name. 

“Shhh!” Zeke hissed from the cart on Pieck’s back. You look up to find him with all of his limbs torn off.

You lower your voice. “Oh shit, oh shit what did they do to you?!” Your hushed whisper was met with tears pricking your eyes. “You should have asked me to help, Reiner! I could've helped!” These people they’d fought were relentless. You were going to kill every single one of them.

Pieck drops what’s left of Reiner into your arms. “Get on my back. Bertholdt told you earlier; they’ll heal.”

“Where is Bertholdt?” You ask in a whisper. You didn’t see or hear him.

“Gone. The ones we were fighting got him. We barely managed to get Reiner out.” Zeke lowered his head and his glasses slid off his nose. They’re covered in blood, but you pick them up and slide them back on his face. “Thank you, y/n.”

“We’ll get them back for what they’ve done, right?” You ask fiercely.

Zeke’s voice is faint. “In time. Right now I think it’s best if we go home.” 

You turn your attention back to Reiner, who had steam rising from his wounds, and you press a hand onto his chest, feeling the faintest heartbeat. You exhale a little in relief; he will heal. And when he healed, you would shove a blade straight through his chest for being such a dumbass.

#reiner x reader #attack on titan #reiner brainrot #reiner braun #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun x you #reiner x y/n #shingeki no kyojin #aot #reiner x you #aot reiner #snk reiner #the girl in the woods

[tekka-dan]

Two things I learned heavily this year:

Accountability & Emotional Maturity.

Last year if I had a breakdown I would make it other peoples issues to help me solve or work through. I felt like a scared, tormented little girl with big feelings I couldn’t properly handle or manage. I would turn into a version of myself that I simply wouldn’t recognize to this day.

Yesterday I was delivered some bad news regarding work and while I felt the issue was unfair, it didn’t change my part in what happened. I took the responsibility and ate that. I went on with my day as if nothing happened, while on the inside quietly reflecting and unpacking.

Once I got home and made it through my doors, my shield and armor came off and I completely broke down. I realized I wasn’t crying about yesterday in that moment though. I was crying about many moments that felt just like it before. I was crying for the little girl within me that always felt she had to face things alone and be strong in front of others.

One year ago I would’ve ignored my feelings, I would’ve gone to someone else to make myself feel more comfortable with the discomfort.

This year I came home to my quiet home and I cried. I cried for about an hour and a half. I laid on my bed just crying, allowing myself to shatter. Allowing myself to process, reflect and adjust. I realized while crying that I couldn’t cry forever and eventually I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and keep moving.

It felt like I was able to snap out of everything I felt at that moment. I shook myself off, wiped my face off and packed my gym bag and went to have a long workout.

After working out, I realized how peaceful I felt. Not only with myself but my situation. I wouldn’t have been able to do that one year ago or before then. I would’ve laid on my bed crying, crying and just crying. I wouldn’t have shook myself off and put on my big girl pants and took myself to the gym. I would’ve laid there, waiting for someone to rescue me, to soothe me, to nurture me.

Until I realized nobody was coming and suddenly that felt peaceful. I realized the security I had to be able to completely breakdown in the comfort of my own home and then pull myself back together and finish my business and be able to bounce back the next morning.

I’m allowing myself to feel my emotions now but I’m not allowing myself to wallow in them. That’s because I’ve started to master the realization that no one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself. You have to come to the conclusion that feeling sorry for yourself only keeps you in a pitfall of pity and despair.

Cry. Let yourself feel all your emotions. When you’re ready, stand up and keep going. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself too, though.

I spent my whole life feeling like I still needed my parents to finish raising me or coming to my rescue like some actual baby, to emotionally regulate or center me.

I’m a grown woman..I shouldn’t be looking to other adults to do a damn thing for me.

Right now, I just want to embrace my solitude and continue learning about ways I can emotionally regulate myself and keep it pushing..

#personal

[troglobite]

no better time than 6 fucking am to just be hit with how utterly, crushingly lonely you are

how even friends that you love are moving on w their lives without you

you’re not a priority, and you can’t make them one bc they have other more important things

how even ppl you thought were safe to be around can say something so casually hurtful that’s not even about you but it hurts. and you don’t realize until it’s 5:30 and you’re trying to sleep. 

amazing that having met w 2 friends today and meeting w a different one in 5 hrs, i feel so utterly, pathetically alone. 

i feel like i’m cutting tiny portions of myself off to hand to other ppl to make friendships and keep communication open sometimes

but i just

i stayed up too late reading. i was gonna go to sleep 3 hrs ago. and instead i stayed up late reading.

and it was probably a mistake. i really enjoyed it but it just hurt. bc it was this beautiful prose abt ppl who had built lives for themselves by age 30. who had friends who could see all these pieces of them without it needing to be said. who could understand each other. who still did say things, but didn’t always need to say the small things. who felt safe in disagreements and discomfort. 

who weren’t alone. 

and i loved it and it hurt my stomach all the way down to my pelvis the way some emotions hit me. and i’m just sad. 

i don’t feel like anyone actually knows or understands me. i do my best to do that w or for others. 

and part of the problem is that i simply don’t trust anyone enough to be myself and part of that is that i’m tired of handing myself to someone only for them to go “oh. no thanks.”

i’m tired of being alone. i’m tired of being lonely. i’m tired of only mattering in pieces. i’m tired of not having energy for people, and them never having the time or energy for me. 

i’m tired of having to be someone else around/with everyone i talk to. and “everyone” sure is doing a lot of heavy lifting that isn’t accurate.

the number of ppl i talk to w any frequency right now: 7

it’s usually more like 4 or 5. i’ve had an unprecedented uptick in communication from a few people. 

the number of ppl that i feel like i can be 1000000% of myself around, whether or not it has anything to do with them: 1

and i don’t know if it’s reciprocal. 

i didn’t budget or plan for or anticipate a complete fucking meltdown at 6 am, sorry

oh i guess i could count my therapist for a whopping 8, bc i talk to her once a week. and then 2 bc the whole point is to be myself in therapy. 

my life is nothing that i wanted right now

i’m almost 30 and i barely have friends. i don’t have a life. i have no marketable skills. i’m on medicaid bc i can’t find a job, and even if i did, it would pay me nowhere near even half a livable wage. 

i’m so tired and miserable and i just can’t take any of this anymore. 

trying just HURTS because NO ONE i know is in the same situation as me. and that sounds so egotistical and pathetic. 

but i just mean

idfk what i mean

no one gets it and i guess it’s unfair and stupid to want someone to get it about everything

maybe it’s me

maybe i’m broken and fucked up

i wish i could kill my past

every day without even trying i just don’t think abt who i used to me, i’m just living in the now and recent past and thinking abt that

and i just wish past me didn’t exist and i didn’t have to carry them around w me all the fucking time

idek how to articulate what’s WRONG right now i just HURT i hurt so much i feel sick and i can’t stop crying

i guess i’ll just take an anti-anxiety thing and shove it back down to get a whopping 4 hours of sleep before i have to pretend to be fine again in front of someone i’ve “known” for 16 years who’s going out without masks, whose whole current drama and life struggle is about this woman she loves and who loves her

every time i just have to try and accept that people have been awful to be bc i’m short and fat and mexican and queer and trans and autistic

i just see other ppl who share these traits who don’t share the bullshit i went through or am going through

or who are in loving relationships

or have so many friends

or who are so successful

and i just want to die

what is WRONG with me? why is it like this for me, why am i like this?

i just want to know what’s so fucking unlovable about me bc i wasn’t 

i wasn’t always this pathetic in this way

but my stupid fucking life is just and has just not been that fucking awful

why am i so weak?

and i can’t just SAY this to people. to the people who are my friends. that i’m supposed to trust. 

you can’t just DUMP taht on someone.

which is why i just bullshit it into the void on here for ppl to choose whether they read or engage or not.

i know it’m annoying and pathetic. i put it under read mores. you know what this is, you can (and should) scroll right past without reading. i know most ppl do. and good. i’m not trying to manipulate or guilt anyone into this. 

i need to be out of my own head with this stuff like i’m explaining it to someone else bc if it’s a journal or a diary i get sick of my own bullshit too fast and i know what i’m going to say before i type it so it’s pointless

i’m just sorry

i feel like i have to justify everything

i don’t want to hurt anyone--at least not due to negligence. accident, it happens. 

i have so many plushies now. and my new one that i can’t let go of. it just feels so sad and pathetic. holding them all the time. 

i’m 27, almost 28, i’ve never dated, i’ve never been myself in any friendship. idk who myself is bc i’m so twisted around and busted. and i’m so afraid. constantly. and i feel. insane. with fear and with seeing so many people i cared abt just. not. care. about any of this anymore.

and there’s nothing i can do to fix it. 

i wish i had gone to sleep 3 hours ago like i had planned to. i’ve been tired this whole time. my eyes burning. 

all i know abt myself is that i can never shut up or leave well enough alone. idk what close relationships look like. idk how to be a person. i can’t do this. i can’t carry this. i’m so tired of burying how i feel and biting my tongue or choosing anger bc it hurts less and fades quicker. i’m tired of losing track of time and days. i’m tired of being a disappointment. i’m tired of being disappointed. 

i should take a fucking anti anxiety thing and go to sleep and stop. bothering everyone. i’m going to be a mess when i have to talk to my friend in a few hours on like no sleep and puffy eyes and i’m going to have to help her manage her traumas and feelings and other sundry bullshit (not derogatory) so that she stops getting herself hurt bc if i’m being given the power to help then i have to take it. if i don’t then i’m letting her get hurt. i will have done nothing. 

i’ve already spent weeks and hours and thousands of words via IG DMs. she couldn’t be there for me when i needed her. she doesn’t pay attn to where i am in my life. she’s trying to figure out who i am but doesn’t listen to me when i try to tell her. 

she acts like i’m always putting myself down.

i’m not. i don’t. i try not to.

i’m just stating facts about who i am and what my life is. 

and if that feels like i’m insulting myself then you’re just making me feel even worse bc my life is apparently so pathetic it sounds like an insult.

no, i’m not qualified for that job you sent. i’m flattered you thought of me and i appreciate it, but i’m not qualified.

no, i’m not selling myself short. i know ppl in the industry and i know it takes more than what i have. it would take years to be anywhere near capable of being ready for that position--and it’s not even in an area that i would want to pursue. 

but pushing back and pushing back against that as if i’m insulting myself

and i just keep

“by then i’ll be hotter than the cheerleaders [because i’ll be thinner]” and “you’re not fat!” and her fucking ex-girlfriend making fun of fat americans while my mom and i fed her pizza that we paid for. her paranoia about fitness and thinness and how she sucks her stomach in in all of her pictures. 

all of the ways i am made to feel shame for who i am right now. it’s alien to them, to everyone. 

i don’t have. a social life. i barely have friends. and the ones i have just. say things. 

and i feel ungrateful, or cruel, or judgmental, like i’m holding people to impossible standards that they can never meet.

and maybe i am. bc why would i ever trust anyone. 

i don’t want to deal w my stupid fucking inner child, the pathetic kid who was weak and clueless and who no one actually liked. 

i was just amusing. or they could cheat off of me. or i was convenient. 

or i did things for them, emotionally. i supported them. we had jokes and fun.

but it was never anything more--not for me. not towards me. 

i’m so good at not needing anything and no one ever seems to complain.

and then when they do and i take them up on it and try to change my behavior it just doesn’t go well.

i’m perpetually too much. 

just look at all this fucking bullshit i’ve typed out after telling myself to just take a pill and go to sleep. TWICE. 

i don’t like knowing what loneliness feels like. it’s so crushing and all-consuming. i’ve already been here before. i never wanted to be here again, but somehow worse. 

bc i’ve worked so hard. to get better. to build things up. to have a life. and i failed. just like i fail at most things.

imagine changing your expectations and goals in life so many times, continuously making them less and less ambitious, and still managing to fail and fall short. imagine. well, i’ve done it. i’ve managed it. and i hate it. 

“everyone’s afraid of rejection, but you just have to push through”

i’ve known almost nothing except rejection for all of my 27, almost 28, years of living. i’m tired. i had gotten over it, i thought i was stronger and could move on bc it wasn’t always rejections. 

then grad school happened and the pandemic happened and it just became rejections all over again, implicit and explicit. 

when will anyone else take responsibility for everything so it’s not my fucking job to have to deal w everything myself, entirely alone?

and all of this bullshit. isn’t. enough. i cannot. go to other people w this. why would i? why sympathy would they have for any of this? pathetic. weak. i’m so tired.

[ghostparadoxa]

i seriously question my empathy

#i care about certain people #i am not good at emotional support but i do try to find solutions to issues #i am bad at friendships with a lot of emotional weight to them #i rarely feel what others are feeling #people can cry in front of me and i feel nothing for them just discomfort #but i'm not mean about it #i do what i think is right which can be showing care for them etc if it seems helpful for the situation #people tend to say i'm a really good friend but i can't help but feel super distant and kind of cut off #i'm interested in people but not their emotions #i do still ask how people are doing and like i said i'll problem solve issues #but it's hard for me to manage conversations that feel something other than neutral #negative and positive #like i said i don't share people's feelings and it's hard to act like i do #i know if i don't seem happy for people they'd be upset #same with feeling sad for them #idk what people see in me #if they like me for how good i am at faking things #or if they see this about me and just appreciate the kindness i show when i could so easily just not

[alycosworld]

Tainted

Scaramouche X Reader

WARNING: mentions of (nearly) sexual assault

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A/N: I seem to have more angst/comfort ideas for genshin but I'm not sure why...also, I'm on holiday in a foreign country! I have no work and I'll probably spend all my nights on Tumblr after exploring the city in the day, so please please please send in some requests! I'm bored and although they might take some time, they might help me get back into writing more regularly. I'm pretty sure this is gender neutral but if I made a mistake, feel free to tell me. This has NOT been checked for any errors (I'll get around to it at some point).

I'm not sure if Scaramouche is ooc, since he doesn't say anything that nice in the game or in any official works, but I definitely think he has the capacity for it. And I like soft Scar <3.

If at any point you feel uncomfortable, PLEASE DO NOT READ ON. I felt a little icky after writing the assault bit so do not force yourself to read any further or read at all. I do not want to make anyone reading this unhappy. Any victims of sexual assault or harassment, I hope you heal

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Keep walking. Just keep walking. Get home as fast as possible.

Avoid dark spots, avoid all people, avoid secluded areas. Just get home now.

That's what you told yourself after it happened. Archons, you didn't even know how you should feel. Ashamed? Angry? Disgusted? Upset? Confused? Afraid? The amalgamation of these emotions just made everything worse. You felt sick to your stomach. You wanted to cry and scream and vomit and disappear all at the same time.

You felt like you were covered in grime and you don't even know how you managed to get away. You should've done something, anything! But in the moment, you couldn't.

Your day had started normally. You went to the Adventurer's Guild in Inazuma, doing your commissions and taking up a few extra quests to help people out. Even though you were walking home later than normal, you didn't think much of it. Until somehow, you lost your way. In the dark, things became a little more vague and confusing, so you ended up taking a left and ending up in a dark alleyway between two dimly lit buildings.

You walked through, lost in your own thoughts, until you heard some chuckling and some incoherent remarks made by someone exiting one of the buildings out a back door and into the alleyway.

Glancing up, you saw that the person was a man - quite tall and well built with flushed cheeks: he was clearly not sober. You paid him no mind, staring at the ground as you continue to walk, determined to get home to see your boyfriend, Scaramouche. Though he wasn't one to worry, knowing that you could handle yourself, you did want to see him as soon as possible.

"Well, what do we have here?" The man asked, and you looked up at him again, tilting your head in confusion but staying silent.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing out here all alone?" He asked, a suspicious smirk on his face.

"I'm going home." You said firmly, not wanting to give him any ideas.

"Oh? A handsome young thing like you, going home all by themselves? Let me walk you, I promise I don't bite." He continued, clearly not getting the hint.

"I'm alright, but thank you for the off--"

"Stop being such a fucking tease! Wearing an outfit like that, you're begging for it." He pinned you against the wall despite your attempt to politely refuse any moves he tried to make. He caught your arms above your head and harshly shoved one of his legs between yours.

"Don't like to me, hon, you know you want this." He whispered huskily. You had fought countless hilichurls, abyss mages and monsters far more intimidating and dangerous than that man that day, but you couldn't seem to move. All you could manage was a fearful 'please, don't do this'. Struggling was futile, for some reason you couldn't escape his grasp. You had fought beasts ten times this man's size but violating you like this? It made you break.

He gripped you harshly and even managed to kiss your neck a couple times, making the tears stream down your face uncontrollably, until he heard some voices. You recognised them immediately: members of the Adventurer's Guild. He must be known it too because he stopped as soon as he heard, offering you a sickening grin and scuttling away before you could react.

"We'll finish this some other time, sweetheart. I promise."

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You didn't get any help from the Adventurer's Guild members who you heard, instead opting to rush home as soon as possible, trying to figure out what to do next.

The only solution in your mind was to crawl into your lover's arms and tell him what had happened. You didn't want anyone else to know - you know you could trust Scaramouche and you knew he would help you.

But he didn't.

You got home and wiped your tears before entering the house, hoping to look somewhat presentable despite having experienced such an impactful event. You dropped your belongings carelessly, not flinging at the loud sound they made as they hit the floor. You immediately made your way to the guest room Scaramouche had turned into an office of sorts, for him to work on Fatui business. The bedroom door was open and empty and he was nowhere to be found on the first floor, so that was the only other place he could've been. You were relieved to see him sitting at the desk, deep in thought with some maps and other sheets of paper laid out in front of him.

"Scar, I--"

"Not now, (Y/N), I'm busy." He said hot even bothering to look up at your frazzled and shattered state.

"I know but, please, Scar. While I was--"

"If you know that I'm busy, why enter in the first place? I'm working. Leave me alone." He said harshly. You didn't say anything, instead opting to nod silently and close the door. Since this was the first time you had experienced this pain and discomfort from being touched and defiled in such a way, you decided that maybe you should put it aside. After all, maybe it was something so jarring. Maybe it didn't matter. Maybe Scaramouche's nonchalance was justified. In a twisted way, you blamed yourself for overreacting and decided to just forget about the incident. If it didn't mean enough for Scaramouche to even look at you, it clearly wasn't something worth fretting over. You were just exaggerating, right?

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You tried you absolute hardest not to let the incident bother you, but you unknowingly started changing your habits to prevent what had occurred from happening to you again.

"Wearing an outfit like that, you're begging for it..."

You started wearing less revealing clothing, going as far as wearing gloves at some point and covering your neck with collars and scarves through the hot weather.

"We'll finish this some other time, sweetheart. I promise."

Initially, you just avoided dark or secluded places, even when you were with other people, but eventually, you were too scared to leave home at all. You didn't leave the confines of your small garden and if someone passed by, you would quickly hide yourself away. When Scaramouche had unknown guests and colleagues over, you would hide in your bedroom and make him promise not to mention you or acknowledge your existence in the slightest.

You even started taking longer showers and refused to bathe with Scaramouche, confusing him since you used to enjoy it so much. But you wouldn't let him see you in such a vulnerable state now that you were contaminated. You didn't want him to know that you had been tarnished in such a vulgar way, and you spent long moments scrubbing at the parts the stranger had touched. You were worried that Scaramouche would blame you for being assaulted - because in a sick way you thought it was your fault, despite having been nothing wrong. You had twisted the story in your mind to make it seem like you were responsible for the crime committed against you.

Eventually, Childe had to visit for business purposes, but you had become good friends with the eleventh Fatui Harbinger since he was friends with-- well, he and Scaramouche had a relationship, to say the least.

"So where's (Y/N)? Normally they're all over you and making you as embarrassed at possible." Childs grinned, and Scaramouche just frowned and narrowed his eyes.

"They're in our room. They don't really want to see anyone right now." Scaramouche said. Even though you told him not to mention you anymore, since you were so hellbent on avoiding all human interaction, he thought it would be okay to tell Childe. He was your friend too, after all.

"Is something wrong? What happened?" Childe asked, concern in his eyes.

"I don't know. They've been avoiding everyone, including me. They barely talk to me and insist on sleeping downstairs." Scaramouche confessed.

"Let me talk to them."

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Childe exited your room after hearing what to had to say, and he was disturbed and sympathetic, at the very least. Scaramouche saw his wide-eyed, grim expression when he exited the room and immediately had questions.

"What?" Scaramouche asked.

"I'll come back tomorrow to continue our work." Childs said, referring to the business he originally came for.

"But we have to--"

"Scar?" Scaramouche stopped all his trains of thought and turned to the sound of your voice. It was hoarse but still as beautiful as ever. He knew you had been crying from your puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"I think you have other matters to take care of." Childe winked, before giving Scaramouche an informal two-fingered salute and showing himself out.

As soon as the door closed, Scaramouche turned his attention to you, not coming too close in case you didn't want to be near him.

"Yes, Love?" He asked, more concerned than you had ever seen him.

"Can I talk to you? If you're busy, that's okay, it's not that impor--"

"I'm not busy." He shook his head, and you offered him a sad and grateful smile before sitting on the edge of the bed while he took a seat on a nearby chair.

"So, uhm, a couple of days ago I was walking home and I kind of got lost...so I tried taking this alleyway and--" You stopped yourself, meeting Scaramouche's attentive gaze before continuing.

"There was a guy. And he-- he t-touched me. I-- I didn't know what to do. I could've easily fought back but I just got scared and froze up because that's never happened to me before and he kept saying that I wanted him-- but I didn't! I swear, I didn't. I know it sounds bad since I didn't stop him but I really tried, I just couldn't. And he started k-kissing me...here," You gestured to the spots on your neck that you could still feel being violated.

"And I felt so horrible and he didn't go any further because some people were coming, so I ran home. I-I...I didn't know what to do but I felt like I should tell you because I thought you would help me, but you said you were busy so I just-- It-tried to brush it off but I just couldn't get it out of my head! And before I got away, he told me that he'd come back and finish me off and so I didn't want to go outside anymore in case I ran into him. And I started to cover up since he said I was asking for it because of what I was wearing and then I just got scared and I felt dirty. I tried so hard to forget and clean myself but it kept coming back-- I can still feel him on me! I hated it, I still hated it! You have to believe me, I wasn't trying to get him to notice me, I just..." You broke down after finishing what you had to say. You had already been crying since you told Childe, but now you were choking out sobs and your face was drenched. Scaramouche stood up from his chair and sat next to you on the bed, a safe distance away just in case you still weren't comfortable with being touched.

"I believe you. I know you're not like that." Scarsmocuhe started calmly. In all honesty, he wanted to interrupt you as soon as you said that this man approached you. His blood was boiling and he was ready to murder this man for you but kept himself in check because you didn't need senseless violence or revenge right now, you needed comfort. What hurt him the most was that you were blaming yourself because he didn't bother listening to what you had to say on what was probably the worst day of your life.

"It's not your fault you were touched like that. You are not to blame, at all. I-- I should've listened to you when you came to me - as soon as I turned you say I thought something was wrong but I didn't bother asking about it. That's entirely my fault." He admitted, which surprised you. It took Scaramouche a lot to admit his mistakes, but for you? He didn't care. You constantly put up with his sour attitude, he can definitely listen to you and admit he was wrong.

"You sure? Because I still--"

"I'm sure." He said simply.

"But why did you start avoiding me?" He asked, wanting to understand the situation entirely.

"Well, because..." You started, unsure if he would get angry if you told him. While you were contemplating, he offered you an encouraging expression. It wasn't a smile, but it was more than enough to put you at ease.

"I didn't want you to think I was tainted. Of course, you wouldn't want to be near me after that had happened." You sighed, wiping up the last of your tears.

"You really are an idiot, you know?" He said, but after seeing the clueless and almost hurt look on your face, he immediately wanted to take it back. He didn't mean to be insensitive, he just...well, he often explained positive emotions with his very wide negative vocabulary.

"No, I didn't-- uhm..." He mentally cursed himself for not knowing what to say, but you didn't interrupt him and made a small gesture for him to keep going.

"What I mean to say was, I don't think that you're tainted or anything like that. And I still...want to be...near you-- eugh!" He pretended to be grossed out at his own words in true Scaramouche fashion, but he knew you knew he didn't really mean it and was beyond delighted when he saw you giggle at his facial expression.

He sighed and acted angry as he opened his arms ever so slightly. You noticed the movement and quirked an eyebrow when he hesitated.

"Is it okay if I come closer?" Scaramouche asked, unsure if you wanted to be touched after the incident.

Your heart swelled at his care and then you slowly watched as he stiffly wrapped his arms around you comfortingly. Although you had hugged and cuddled on countless occasions, he still wouldn't stop being so robotic unless you did something. It made you laugh and he pulled away slightly to glare at you, so you decided to just pull him back in and hug back.

And when you relished in the touch of another human being, the touch of the person you love, you began to cry. The last time anyone willingly touched you was in that alleyway, and so to have someone be so gentle with you and have no bad intentions, you were overwhelmed with emotion.

Scaramouche must've felt your tears staining his clothing and skin, and quickly pulled away with poorly hidden concern in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked, but you just continued to sob and nod.

"I love you!" You choked out. He sighed and gently patted your back.

"I...love you too." He said, before making another expression of mock disgust. He slowly moved to hold both your wrists in his hand and kiss down to your neck, pulling you into his lap with your legs straddling one of his.

You soon realised that he was covering up the placed the stranger had touched you with his own ministrations, effectively replacing the grime you felt you gained after the incident. After you came to that conclusion and Scaramouche was done, he didn't meet your eye, blushing profusely. It was justified since he didn't usually initiate any kind of affection acts, but you just cupped his jaw and kissed his cheek, smiiling at him with purity and a newfound confidence in the both of you.

"Thank you, Scar."

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin imagines #scaramouche #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #genshin impact fatui #fatui x reader #fatui #scaramouche x y/n #scaramouche x you #angst #angst with a happy ending #comfort #scaramouche imagines #scaramouche oneshots #gender neutral reader #x reader

[outerbankies]

You know how teenager rafe is gonna just be spiralling over reader going to prom with someone else? I’m going to cry cause like he’s a baby and he doesn’t know why he has these feeling for this one person that he’s always kind of orbited around?? And he knows she’s it for him but only deep down cause he’s trying to figure so much out and how could you know who you’re going to end up with at the age of 17 let alone 10 or 12 but he’s always known and aaaaah imagine that kind of love

an angsty little pre-series prom blurb partially inspired by this ^ ask that made me spiralll. thanks anon i hope u like this!

—

new light blurb: before we knew — rafe cameron

new light series masterlist

obv takes place pre-series in high school! referenced in part 1

warnings: underage drinking

“Top, it’s not fucking funny.”

“It’s kinda fucking funny, Y/n/n. Like, way more than a little.”

Rafe had ditched the last fifteen minutes of statistics when he finished his test early today, and he’d been messing around on his phone for ten minutes waiting for the rest of you to come and get in Topper’s Jeep so you could all go to lunch off-campus today.

Rafe stands up straight from where he’d been leaning against the hood when he hears your voice approaching, his smile matching yours once you see him. “Hey, Rafe. How did your stats test go?”

“Good, hey, Y/n. What’s not funny?” he asks, opening the passenger side door for you before sliding into the backseat behind you.

“Oh, get this, Rafe,” Topper says, laughing. You just groan again, clicking your seatbelt on. “Griffin is gonna ask Y/n to prom. Tomorrow.”

Rafe blanches. “Griffin?”

He knew Griffin thought you were hot. Certainly had to hear it enough times in the pool at practice every day. Rafe always found himself biting back a remark—well, almost always. As captain, Rafe was able to tell everyone to run another play whenever he felt like it. The extra exertion in the pool was nothing compared to having to tread water and hear his teammate talk about you like that.

But even after all of that, he still had no idea Griffin had the balls to actually make a move on you. Because Rafe could tell you’d seriously rather die than ever give Griffin the time of day. And Griffin had been pursuing you without luck for months, even though you’d been trying to gently show you weren’t interested. Half of the time, Rafe wished you'd just tell him to fuck off.

The other half of the time, Rafe was considering just doing it for you.

Rafe clears his throat after his outburst, a finger digging into a hole in his jeans. “How do you know?”

“He just told me in PE,” Topper says. “He said he has this huge banner, and speakers, and he’s gonna do it at lunch right in the middle of the quad—”

“Topper.” You cut him off a bit more seriously this time; Rafe can hear the shift in your tone. You've always hated being anywhere close to the center of attention, getting embarrassed by the smallest things others wouldn’t even think about. If Griffin actually knew anything about you the way Rafe does, he’d know you wouldn’t like something big and flashy. “Can you stop?”

“Hey, cut it out, Top,” Rafe is saying immediately. Topper just rolls his eyes, but Rafe doesn’t care. “You okay?”

“Yeah, Rafe,” you say, smiling over your shoulder at him. “M’fine.”

“Do you want me to tell Griffin to—”

Topper laughs from the driver’s seat, clearing his throat to cover it up when you look over at him. You look back at Rafe, and his heart breaks at the worry in your face. “Don’t, Rafe.”

“Are you gonna say yes?”

“No,” you immediately laugh, looking at him like the idea is preposterous.

“Oh c’mon, Y/n/n. Can’t say no to him in front of all those people,” Topper teases. “And where the fuck is Kelce? I’m starving.”

“You’re right,” you sigh. “I don’t wanna embarrass him. I’ll just find him after school today and tell him I’m going with Kelce.”

Topper’s eyes widen, Rafe catches it in the rearview mirror before he hurriedly looks away. Rafe clears his throat, settling back into his seat from where he’d been leaning into the front space to talk with you. “You—uh, are you actually going with Kelce?”

“Yeah,” you nod, distracted by your phone. “We said we’d go together if we didn’t find dates. Kelce didn’t really wanna ask anyone after what happened last summer. And after nearly being set up with Top last night, I’m about ready to throw in the towel.“

Rafe looks to his friend that sits in the driver’s seat, who's looking straight at his lap, the back of his neck bright red. “Wait, you two?”

“It was just our parents, dude. Went to dinner at the club last night and our moms brought it up,” Topper mumbles. You giggle at the idea, completely unaware of the energy in the car right now.

“Yeah, sorry, Thornton. But no thanks. You and Emily should be really cute, though,” you say earnestly, patting his shoulder.

Topper just stares straight ahead. “Thanks, Y/n/n.”

“And then this thing with Griffin—I’m just so over the idea of finding an actual date at this point,” you sigh. “Plus, I know Kelce won’t put up a fight about the color scheme. I’m thinking like, aqua. Or maybe pink? I don't think I'd look good in gold.”

You'll look good in absolutely anything, and Rafe will just have to watch you from across the floor of the Island Club, while Kelce twirls you around the dance floor or holds you close during a slow dance.

The guy in question opens the car door and slides into the backseat next to Rafe right then, sighing as he slides his backpack off. “Sorry guys, coach stopped me in the hall. Where are we eating?”

Rafe glares at him.

“I want a smoothie,” you declare from the front seat.

“Fine with me,” Topper nods, pulling out of his parking spot. “Guys?”

“Can we go to that place with the deli next door? I’m so hungry,” Kelce says.

“Yeah, I like their açaí bowls,” you say, twisting around to look at Rafe one more time. He must not be able to hide his emotions as much as he thought, because your smile drops when you see him. “Rafe? Does that sound good?”

He turns his body to look out the window, eyes flicking back to yours one last time. “Not hungry.”

—

Rafe meets Topper and Kelce at the dock later that night, the three of them intending to get drunk and maybe take Topper’s boat out if they felt like it.

Kelce is already there by the time Rafe pulls up, drinking a beer with Topper while they laugh at something on his phone.

And Rafe paces right down the dock, snatches Kelce’s phone out of his hand, and pushes him off the platform and into the water.

“Rafe, dude,” Topper says, immediately pushing him back by his chest.

“What the fuck?” Kelce sputters, spitting out water as he surfaces and climbs the ladder back up. “What is your fucking problem?”

“You couldn’t ask literally fucking anyone else? It had to be Y/n?” Rafe says, laughing indignantly. He looks down at where Topper is still keeping them separated. “And you—what the fuck—”

“I told you, man. It was just our moms. We didn’t even consider it,” Topper says, rolling his eyes.

“You both lied to me,” Rafe accuses. “Because you knew I’d be mad.”

“And why’s that, Rafe?” Kelce spits, reaching around Topper to try and push at his chest. “Why are you mad? Not like you were gonna ask her.”

“No,” Rafe says immediately. And he isn’t even lying; it’d never crossed his mind as a possibility. Which is why he can’t even begin to try and work out why he’s this upset about it. He didn’t do anything to stop this, but it’s still happening, and it’s making him crazy. “You know my dad’s making me take Reagan since we’re both on prom court.”

“That’s what I thought,” Kelce grumbles. “I was gonna tell you.”

“When?”

“Soon, I just—we made the plan so long ago, bro. Neither of us wanted to worry about dates… but I gave it time because I thought you might—I dunno,” Kelce trails off, shrugging. “I dunno.”

“Thought I might what?”

“Figure your shit out and ask her yourself,” Topper says, coming back from the boathouse with a towel that he passes to Kelce.

“Even if I could, Y/n/n would never say yes to me,” Rafe scoffs, shaking his head and reaching for the six-pack they were working through.

Topper scoffs back. “Oh, yeah ri—”

“Guess we’ll never know,” Kelce says, cutting him off while he dumps the water out of his shoes. He sighs at his soaked clothes before he looks back up at Rafe. “You know I’m not into her right? We’re just going as friends. It’s senior prom.”

“Why would I care what you’re going as?” Rafe says, shifting in discomfort, hand clutching his already-half-empty beer can a little tighter. “None of it even matters.”

“Whatever you wanna tell yourself, bro,” Kelce sighs, grabbing his phone out of Rafe’s hand and pushing past him to go change.

—

“Nice taste, Y/l/n.”

You whirl around from where you’d been adjusting Kelce’s boutonnière (you’d only pricked him twice, which was a personal record for you) at the sound of Rafe’s voice, plastering on a smile before you face him. Your eyes drop to his attire immediately. “Oh shit, Rafe. We match.”

“I know,” he laughs. “My step-mom wants a picture.”

You furrow your eyebrows, shifting in your heels, the tule of your dress suddenly itchy against your legs. “Um. Shouldn’t you take one with Reagan?”

“We already took a million. From every angle. With every possible fucking pose,” Rafe sighs. “C’mon, please? Before the limo comes.”

Rafe grabs your hand and you look back at Kelce who just nods, downing some champagne. “Take care of my date, Cameron.”

You can see Rafe just shake his head where you trail behind him, leading you back to where Rose is talking to one of the other moms. “There you are. Your dress is beautiful! I wish we'd found one like that for Reagan. It looks great with Rafe's tuxedo.”

“Uh, yeah. It's nice to see you, Mrs. Cameron,” you say politely, ignoring the last half of what she said completely. She pulls up her phone and Rafe’s bringing you into his side, his hand resting in the middle of your back.

“This okay?” he murmurs, his breath fanning over your neck as he leans down.

“Yep,” you say quickly, but you can’t help but look around and catch multiple of your friends watching you, including Reagan, who promptly rolls her eyes once you make eye contact with her.

“Y/n, sweetie, just a few pictures for the newsletter,” Rose says, reminding you of your purpose right now.

“Right, sorry,” you say.

“Hey,” Rafe whispers. You look up at him, feeling his hand bring you closer to his body. “Take this a little more seriously, Y/l/n. Don’t you know that the next issue of the Island Club newsletter will be completely ruined without this one specific photo, that will probably be squished into the corner of a terribly- edited collage?”

You laugh in surprise, hitting him on his chest for joking about his step-mom right in front of her. “Rafe. Be nice.”

He just grins down at you, before straightening up and turning back to the camera. “If I’m nice, will you save a dance for me later tonight?”

You’re glad he’s not looking at you anymore, because then he’d see the way your smile faltered before you turn back to the camera as well. “Sure.”

—

“How is my flask empty?” Kelce groans, tipping it over and shaking it out for emphasis.

“That’s what happens when you drink it all, bud,” you laugh, patting his shoulder. He rolls his eyes at you, linking his arm in yours as you both pass through the crowd to find Topper and his date, Emily. You all watch Rafe up on stage, waiting to inevitably be crowned prom king.

He was a shoo-in anyway, but you’d definitely distracted your English teacher with a conversation about the 1984 essay you just turned in while Topper and Kelce stuffed the ballot box he was meant to be guarding.

Rafe seemed like he couldn’t care less about stuff like prom court, just shaking his head when his name was announced over the speaker as a nominee three weeks ago at lunch.

And he’d dragged his feet through finding a date, just shrugging whenever you brought it up to him, prying partially for your own sake.

You couldn’t figure out why he seemed so averse to the entire event, but you supposed that was better than having to hear him go on and on about Reagan and how he asked her and what corsage he bought for her and if he was bringing her to after-prom—or anything else that would’ve dragged up some feelings you thought you’d firmly buried at this point, telling yourself for years that you never stood a chance with Rafe.

But the closer graduation got, the more you’ve been realizing that things with your friends would never be the same. Things with Rafe would never be the same.

“Kildare Academy, your prom king is Rafe Cameron,” the DJ says, snapping you out of your thoughts. Kelce and Topper cheer obnoxiously while you laugh, a little grateful they’re both drunk and distracted—so happy their plan worked (Rafe subtly flips them off behind his back as he’s crowned) that they can’t notice the way your shoulders slump as Rafe leads Reagan, just crowned queen, out to the middle of the dance floor while some Ed Sheeran song starts playing through the speakers. You’d roll your eyes at the terrible music selection if that was what you could focus on.

All you could focus on was wondering if Rafe would even remember that you promised him a dance tonight.

Kelce is dramatically bringing you into his arms as the prom court dance takes place, subtly turning you around so your back faces the stage and the court, smiling as he holds your waist. “C’mon, dance with me.”

—

Rafe’s letting go of Reagan as soon as the song ends and everybody cheers, dashing off to the DJ booth after telling her he’d be back in a bit. She merely shrugged before adjusting her crown and going off to some friends.

“Hey man, can I pull some prom king privilege right now?” he says, leaning in to speak into the guys’ ear. “I have a song request.”

“Playlist is set, approved by the school,” he says dismissively.

“Thought you might say that,” Rafe grumbles, reaching into his breast pocket before he can take the time to wonder if he’s really going to do this—if he’s really going to bribe the DJ to play a song by your favorite band before he goes to cash in on that dance together that you’d promised.

He hands him a crisp hundred.

The DJ sighs, snatching it out of his hand and pocketing it while Rafe smirks in victory. “Alright, what song, country club?”

And then it's practically a race to find you before the Kid Cudi remix currently playing ends. Rafe heads off in the direction where Topper and Kelce had been yelling when he was on stage, evening his pace when he spots you jumping around with Kelce, your dress fanning around you while you laugh, the string lights illuminating your face.

You’re smiling so big that it stops Rafe in his tracks.

Guys had always shown interest in you, and you turned most of them down. Not all of them; Rafe still had to see you with guys who absolutely did not deserve you giving them the time of day, sometimes at parties or maybe at the Club. Rafe could usually lie to himself, write off these feelings as some protectiveness over you, a nice girl who’d been a good friend to him his entire life. Rafe was protective of all the people he held close in his life, why wouldn’t he look out for you, too?

But something must have changed, because now—now Rafe’s looking at you, and he knows time is running out before you both set off on your futures. He has three weeks of school left with you, then a summer of seeing you around. And then... that's it.

And now he’s looking at you, those feelings less and less ignorable with every single second closer Rafe gets to not having you around him every day anymore.

Those feelings are crowding every corner of his mind, finally coming to the surface after all of the drama with prom dates had forced Rafe to wonder why he couldn’t stand you going with Griffin or Topper or Kelce. Couldn’t stand thinking about you ever being with someone that wasn’t him—a reality he knows he’d have to get used to you a lot quicker than it took him to even realize he’d fallen for you.

Because the future’s coming, and maybe in the future you actually end up with someone like Griffin, or Mateo, or that guy from the party that one time, or that touron from New England that your parents tried to set you up with, some hotshot you brought home from California after a semester, or Kelce—even Topper. Your parents would love that one. And one day in this future, you’re running into Rafe on the soccer field; your kids play for the same team together. Rafe ended up settling for someone he could never like half as much as he loved you, and he sees you across the field with a sweater tied around your shoulders, chatting with all of the other moms. The lucky asshole you finally chose just watches you the way Rafe always had, the way he is now as you dance with his best friend, the way Rafe will probably never be able to stop himself from doing.

Or maybe there's another future without you, where you move away to somewhere that suits you; the Outer Banks had never good enough for you, in his mind. Maybe you stay in California after school. And you bring home that hotshot that’s perfectly matched for you, who gets to hold you and kiss you and have you. Rafe only gets to see you every once in a while, when you decide to grace the Outer Banks with your presence for the holidays or for Midsummers. Maybe in this scenario, Rafe was never able to find someone else, maybe he shows up solo while you flash your engagement ring when the old crew gets together for drinks—no, you wouldn’t do that. You’d be absolutely smitten with whoever won your heart, showing the ring he got you to your girl friends with an embarrassed little smile pulling at your lips while they all gush over it. And maybe one of your friends jokes about how Rafe used to have a crush on you. You'll just laugh and shrug it off, nodding—because you knew all along. Of course you knew, everyone had to know at this point. And Rafe can picture you merely laughing at his feelings for you as the other guy gets to pull you closer on his lap.

The opening chords of your song snap him out of his reverie. He can see the exact moment you realize what song it is.

Rafe beelines for you, holding his hand out as soon as he’s in your vicinity, fully pretending he hadn’t just realized he’s fallen for one of his closest friends in the middle of prom. Like he hadn't realized that he wasn't just into you, didn't just think you were cute or like the way you made him feel when you remembered his stats tests or wore his shirt to his water polo games. Like he hadn't just realized that no matter how many times he'd told himself it didn't bother him that much that you'd never come close to giving him the time of day, that he'd never forget what it felt like to not even be on your radar.

“You promised me a dance, Y/n.”

You look at him and his outstretched hand and smile, then look back to Kelce, who's quickly letting you out of his arms, casting an accusatory glance at Rafe. But then he smiles a little. “I'm gonna hit the restrooms.”

“Too bad our one dance is gonna be to a song by a band you hate,” you laugh, accepting Rafe's hand. Rafe’s on autopilot, his hands resting on your lower back while yours move to his chest, swaying the two of you in little circles. The song is already through with the first verse.

“I don’t hate this band,” he lies. But maybe it’s not a lie—how could he hate anything you loved?

“Okay, prom king,” you laugh, fiddling with his pocket square a little, the one that matches your dress. “Still can’t believe we ended up matching.”

“Great minds, Y/l/n,” he shrugs, eyes trained on your face. Your hands slip up around his shoulders, and you nudge the plastic crown on his head before leaving your arms to rest there, fingers locked behind his neck. Rafe pulls you closer. The second chorus was already starting up. Time was running out.

“I’m not sure what the optics are of our matching and you leaving the prom queen to come dance with your friend,” you say, your small smile turning into a frown. “Reagan already seemed pissed earlier.”

“Don’t worry about her,” Rafe says. “It’s just you and me right now.”

“When we go off to college, I think I might just miss you, Cameron,” you say, smiling.

And Rafe might not ever get to tell you how he feels, or ever be with you the way he wants to, but at least he got to dance with you at his senior prom.

“I know I'm gonna miss you.”

—

@moniamaybank @downbytheouterbanks @littlementalpolaroids @fangirlvoice @chicagoblackhawkslover96 @pogueslandia @loveylangdon @oopsiedoopsie23 @sodasback @rafeseggplant @cooper8224 @rafeyybabyy @lemur46 @cameronsrafe @theepoguelandia @judayyyw @irlpadfoot @synonymforlame @tinawhynot @mildkleptomaniac @ilymarkchan @sofiatheseconf @hockeyshmockey @supersouthy @coffeeandcrimeshows @emptyloverofmine @infinitleyethereal @nerdypartytrashpsychic @mrs-cameron @tcmhollnd @nicavass @sakikos @catonthesideoftheroad @jemimah-b99 @serrendipiity @depressinq @svechnibrock @julianakawaja @ctrlcherries @lostaurorax @wildflower98 @babygirl2022 @lieswithoutfairytales @painlesslies @messagesinthesky @orrsoared @destourtereaux @sammywilscn @tylernagle @anonymousobxfan @lilacsandwhiskey @raphaelcameron @mardema @princesspogue @alwaysclassyeagle @brittlehe-art @drewswrld

#i in fact WAS in a silly and goofy enough mood besties #love this song title isn’t it perfect!!! #it’s a banger by day wave highly rec #should i be tagging my taglist in these... i never know #if ur on the tag list and don’t wanna be tagged in blurbs just come yell at me please #rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron fanfiction #outer banks fanfiction #rafe outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks fanfic #outer banks fic #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe x reader #rafe imagine #rafe fanfiction #rafe obx

[gingersnaaps]

tetraphobia

maybe seijoh's revenge doesn't always have to be on the court. maybe seijoh's revenge can come in the form of fucking kageyama's sweet little girlfriend.

wc: 3.3k

tags/tw's(PLEASE READ): explicit n*fw, noncon, gangbang, mindbreak, victim blaming/guilt, forced infidelity, hints of sadism, anal, double penetration, deepthroat, cunnilingus, sorta overstim? idk this is very nasty, fem!reader with inner genitals, timeskip!characters

a/n: this is for @somecravings' gangbang collab! this work features the seijoh four.

i don’t want minors interacting with my content

“I wonder where Tobio-chan found himself such a cute girlfriend.”

The words freeze you in your tracks.

A tall, well-built, man leans against the wall of the hotel hallway, the cramped space making him loom large in front of you. You think he’s a stranger at first - but a closer look at the waves of his chestnut hair, his molten hazel eyes - and memories of the pictures Tobio had shown you flood back into your mind.

Oikawa Tooru, he’d told you. Teammates at Kitagawa Daiichi, and then rivals at Karasuno and Aoba Johsai. I took away his last chance to make it to nationals in high school. Now he’s on Argentina’s national team. Looked up to him a lot, but we had a… strained relationship.

His eyes flicker back to the faded yearbook photos, an unmistakable note of bitterness in his voice.

The very same Oikawa Tooru from his pictures stands in the hallway leading to your hotel room, arms crossed and eyes glittering with amusement.

Almost as if he’d been waiting there for you.

“He’s out celebrating his win, isn’t he?” he says, cocking his head to one side. “Along with the rest of his team.”

He steps closer, walking towards you until he’s mere feet away. You can see where the hem of his blue jersey peeks out from beneath his jacket, the white of his teeth glinting as he grins. Up close, he’s even more intimidating, and you suppress the sudden surge of discomfort that crawls beneath your skin.

Your eyes flit back and forth, eyebrows creasing in confusion. “Is there something you need?”

“Yes,” he says, his hand reaching out to stroke gently along your cheek. “I was wondering if you could do me a favor, sweetheart.”

Panic seizes you when his cold, calloused, fingertips brush lightly along your skin, your heart thudding as discomfort rips through your body. You don’t know what his intentions are, but his words scare you. There’s nothing genuine about his tone, nothing kind, and years of too-close encounters with men have left you wary and alert. His touch is invasive, contemptuous, mocking, and you jerk away from his hand in an attempt to backpedal-

Warm hands clamp down around your shoulders in an iron grip. Your heart sinks as you realize you’ve got nowhere to go, dread seeping into every vein in your body.

“I’m a little late. Sorry.”

The voice at your ear is a low rasp, his tone nonchalant, but you can hear the message that undercuts it as clear as day: you’re not going anywhere.

“Don’t worry about it, Iwa,” Oikawa says, fingers curling around your chin, tilting your face up forcefully until you’re staring directly into his eyes. “You got here just in time to help me out. She looked like she was about to run away for a while there. Can you imagine?”

The man behind you - Iwaizumi Hajime, you recall - chuckles. “Wouldn’t get very far.”

Your blood runs cold at the implication of his words. Your stomach churns, an awful, nauseous feeling that makes you feel sick, shoulders tensing as you struggle against Iwaizumi’s hold.

“Hey,” he warns quietly. “Don’t make this harder on yourself.”

His words almost make you want to laugh; he says them like he’s trying to help you, like he genuinely cares about your well-being. You remember the late-night talks you and Kageyama would have, the ones where he’d describe his days spent in middle school, secluded and walled off from the other players on his team. There was always one name he spoke with a particular reverence: Iwaizumi Hajime. Tough. Strong. Kind. A good man, he’d emphasized. I’m glad he was there during those years.

Well, this certainly was a reality check, wasn't it?

He removes his hands from your shoulders and wraps an arm around your waist, keeping you pressed close to his side, as if a reminder of you how powerless you are in this position. “Come on, baby,” he says. “Let’s go.”

“It’d be rude to keep Makki and Mattsun waiting any longer."

Oikawa slides his fingers into yours until the two of you are holding hands, humming happily as Iwaizumi escorts you down the hall towards your own hotel room. It takes every last ounce of self-control to stop yourself from crying and screaming on the spot, to hold back the tears that threaten to spill over, to save yourself the embarrassment of breaking down pathetically as these people - these assholes - watch.

You get the feeling that they’re not going to leave you alone out of pity.

They escort you to your hotel room, passing by rows and rows of rooms that blur as your vision tunnels. Their presence is suffocating; Oikawa’s fingers brush against your wrist, rubbing tender circles into your skin, and you can feel Iwaizumi's warm breath on the crown of your head.

Oikawa grabs the key card from your purse, sliding it into the scanner, and pushes the door open when it lights up green.

Your heart stills with fear as they drag you inside, flicking the light switch open until the room glows softly.

There’s two more people sitting in the bed.

A tall, lanky man waves in acknowledgement, nudging his companion in the side as his eyes flicker appraisingly over you.

The other man looks up, tossing his phone aside, blowing aside a stray strand of strawberry-pink hair.

“Hmm. I hate to say this, but Oikawa was right,” he says, a wry grin on his face. “What a pretty girl.”

You feel so vulnerable with four pairs of eyes roaming over every inch of your body, your mind running rampant with fear and anticipation as they admire and scrutinize. And you’d be right to be scared, because there’s so much they can’t wait to do, so much of you they’ve been dying to explore, so many of their little fantasies that they’ve been waiting for the right girl to help them act out.

You’ll help them out, won’t you?

Without warning, there’s a pair of hands on your waist insistently pushing you downwards, applying steady pressure until your legs collapse and you’re forced to your knees.

“So impatient, Iwa.” Oikawa clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “You won’t even let her get settled in?”

There‘s a huff of annoyance above you. “The more you talk, the less I’m going to enjoy this.”

“Alright, alright.”

Oikawa slides a hand onto the back of your neck, the other moving to grip your hair. His touch is gentle, fingers stroking along your pulse point, but you know it won’t last if you misbehave. You have no illusions about the kind of person he is, not when his hands maneuver your mouth and throat into nothing more than a warm fleshlight for his friend.

Iwaizumi palms himself in front of your face, hands skimming over the bulge in his jeans as he groans in pleasure, and pulls out his half hard cock, veins throbbing and flushed with arousal. Cupping your face in his hand, he fits the tip to your soft lips and tilts your chin upwards to meet his piercing, lust-filled eyes, his gaze swirling with want.

“Open up for me like a good girl, okay?” he growls.

You can’t help the way your cunt pulses at his tone, an intoxicating rush of fear and desire that leaves your mind hazy and mouth dropping open. He doesn’t waste the opportunity, pushing his cock into your warm, wet, mouth, a moan falling from his lips as he thrusts his hips forwards. You retch at the intrusion, instinctively jerking your head backwards, but Oikawa’s grip on your neck tightens as he holds you in place. He crouches down, lips finding your ear as Iwaizumi starts sliding in and out of your mouth.

“Don’t worry,” he whispers, warm breath sending shivers down your spine. “If you take it like you’re supposed to, he won’t last too long.”

At those words, his hands push your head forward, impaling your throat on his cock, holding you down as you choke and drool and retch. Your eyes redden as silvery tears drip through your lashes, panic rising, vision turning to static, the pain in your lungs growing unbearable as Oikawa’s smile turns razor sharp. “Atta girl,” he encourages softly, his thumb wiping away one of the tears running down your cheek. “I think he’s gonna cum soon if you keep this up.”

If you keep this up. As if you have a choice.

Iwaizumi’s thrusts grow more erratic, fucking you rougher and faster as he slams in and out of your throat. “Fuck,” he curses under his breath. “Such a good fucking girl for me. Got such a - such a perfect little mouth, taking me so well,” he says, breath catching.

Just like Oikawa had predicted, he doesn’t last much longer after that, hips stuttering when he spills down your waiting throat. He tastes warm and slightly salty, the last few drops of his cum dripping down your chin as he presses a thumb to your lips and wipes away the drool collecting at the corner.

There’s a horrible, sinking, feeling settling inside you as he grabs the collar of your shirt and hoists you up with him onto the bed, your limbs going limp as you let him press an open-mouthed kiss to your trembling lips, his tongue slipping inside of your slack mouth.

You feel used.

Up close to Iwaizumi, you can see the flush of arousal coloring his bronzed cheeks, the sheen of sweat on his forehead, all the physical evidence of just how good you made him feel, and your stomach churns.

Your thoughts are interrupted when you feel fingers softly stroking at your clit, light, teasing strokes back and forth that leave you whimpering. A twinge of arousal pulses in your cunt as you hear words murmured against your inner thigh.

“Didn’t even try to fight back, did you?” There’s a gentle laugh from the pink-haired man beneath you, soft and terrifying, and the light brushes turn into more insistent circles. “It’s almost like you wanted it.”

Iwaizumi’s tongue curls deeper into your mouth as he deepens the kiss, leaving you gasping for breath.

“I had no idea you’d turn out to be such a slut,” he hums, mouth latching onto your thigh. “Although I’m really not complaining.”

“C’mon, Makki, don’t be so mean to her,” Iwaizumi chuckles, his teeth scraping roughly against your lips.

“I’m only telling the truth.”

The fingers circling your pussy creep upwards, grabbing onto your hips and pushing you down against the mattress. “Keep those legs spread nice and open for me, okay?” Makki says, voice sweet and cloying.

When the flat of his tongue brushes against your clit, his breath huffing warm on your folds, your thighs twitch involuntarily. It’s as if he’s made it his mission to eat you out as slow and light as possible, his kitten-licks and teasing strokes sliding along your folds and circling around your sweet spots without ever truly giving you the satisfaction that your cunt craves.

And he can tell you’re starting to break.

As Iwaizumi’s mouth moves down to suck at your neck, lips brushing along the erratic heartbeat of your pulse point, your hips jerk upwards against Makki’s waiting mouth as a moan slips out from between your lips.

He sucks at your aching clit, the steady, constant pressure making you writhe in his grasp. “Cute little cunt wants more, doesn’t i?” he coos.

You don’t dare say a word, face flushed with embarrassment as you bite your inner cheek in embarrassment. Makki’s right.

He’s right, and you hate that he’s right, hate how good he’s making you feel with every long, languid, lick, with every brush of his lips that leaves your walls throbbing in search of more.

A hand picks up your limp wrist, guiding your fingers until they wrap around something warm and hard, something incredibly thick and so, so, long -

You freeze as you realize it’s a cock.

“Mattsun’s blessed, isn’t he?” Makki laughs from between your thighs. “Maybe now you’ll understand that I’m really trying to do you a favor. We want these sheets stained with cum, not blood.”

You swallow nervously. That monster cock, so big you can barely fit your hand around it, is going inside you.

You’re paralyzed with dread, not even bothering to fight back as he maneuvers your palm up and down along his length, wrapping his much larger hand around yours as he uses your fist to help jerk him off.

All the revulsion in the world can’t stop the slow, mounting, wave of pressure building inside your core, growing stronger as Makki sucks with more force against your clit. Crooked fingers push inside your slick, needy, hole, his nimble digits searching and prodding, the pads of his fingertips rubbing insistently at your g-spot.

“See?” he murmurs. “‘m making you feel so good. You’re gonna be nice and ready when I’m done with you.”

You want to scream. You feel like a whore for enjoying anything at all; bile and guilt rising in your throat as white-hot arousal throbs in your cunt.

You’re strung out along the edge when you feel another mouth descending on your body, a tongue flicking out to tease at your nipple. You see a flash of chestnut brown hair as Oikawa looks up at you, a smirk curving at the corners of his mouth, almost as if he knows exactly what he’s doing, knows where your limits are and how to push right past them.

It’s too much for you to handle, too much for you to take. Three mouths ravage your body, tongues flicking out to lick at your neck and suck at your nipples and drag along your clit, silky and sensual against your soft skin, all while your slack hand pumps steadily along the shaft of a huge cock.

When an orgasm rips through your body, it’s like something stolen, something taken from you, and as your hips buck and thrash wildly, an emptiness settles in your stomach after you’re all fucked out from their ministrations.

What’s wrong with you?

At this point, you don’t feel like much more than a sex doll for the four men, all spread out and useless as you lay your head in Iwaizumi’s lap. He strokes gently at your hair, brushing a stray strand out of your face.

You barely even react as Mattsun manhandles you up, large hands positioning your hips until the head of his fully hard cock sits at your entrance, sliding just the tip into your loosened, clenching, hole.

“Ready?” he asks, his half-lidded eyes glinting with amusement.

He doesn’t really care about your answer.

“One… two… three.”

He forces you down on his cock, pushing your hips further and further down as you squirm and struggle and moan from the stretch. Your mind goes foggy as you feel the drag of his cock against the front of your walls, burying itself so deep in your cunt you can almost feel it in your stomach.

Mattsun likes it when his dick makes girls feel good, of course, when he fucks them better than their boyfriends, when he makes them cream and gush after barely moving.

He likes it better when he makes girls go stupid.

As he looks down at you, a warm rush of arousal twists in his gut. Your eyelids flutter in pleasure, mouth open and panting, small hands fisting at his shirt as you moan softly. It’s just too big for you to take, isn’t it? You can't handle being used like a pretty fuckdoll, or eaten out until you cream, or to be impaled on a cock so nice and big you can barely think straight. A string of drool falls from the corner of your mouth, but he doesn’t bother cleaning it up. You look better ruined, he thinks.

You’re dragged out of your fucked-out daze when a voice crawls into your ear, taunting and cruel, and a warm dick presses and slides along your ass.

“Bet Kageyama’s never tried this before,” Oikawa says.

A spurt of terror grips you as you hear the thinly-veiled anticipation in his voice, his fingers trembling with excitement as they grope at your ass.

He holds back a laugh at the way you freeze, shuddering in a mixture of fear and pleasure as Mattsun rolls his hips up and thrusts his cock even deeper. He knows he guessed right, judging from your cute little reaction, a high-pitched, pathetic whimper dropping from your lips as brushes his cock against your hole.

He hopes it hurts.

When he presses in, it’s a slow, aching, stretch that leaves you feeling raw and split wide open. Unlike the dull pain from Mattsun’s cock, this one is a searing, brutal, torment, a stinging intrusion in your tight hole that forces a choked gasp from your lungs.

“Wish your boyfriend could see us right now,” he breathes, pressing a gentle kiss to the crook of your neck. “Feels so good squeezing my cock, so fucking nice and tight.”

Tobio.

Panic races along your veins. Your chest rises and falls rapidly, breasts bouncing slightly as your breaths come shallow and rapid.

“I can’t imagine how he’d feel - seeing his perfect little angel getting stuffed so full in both her precious holes.”

The tightness in your chest bursts as tears stream down your face, cries and moans coming out thick and stuffy as you sob. You know he’s right. It didn’t matter that it was forced, that you said you didn’t want it - you already came once, didn’t you? And judging by the tense pleasure pulsing at your clit, you were due for another sooner or later.

Oikawa laughs. “It’d be awful if he came back right now, wouldn’t it? Just in time to watch his precious little girlfriend getting raped by his former senpai.”

Mattsun snickers, bring a hand up to swipe at your clit. “Look,” he says softly, tilting your head until you lock eyes with Makki.

He’s fisting his cock rapidly, a hungry, predatory, expression on his face, tongue darting out to lick at his lips as he lets out a pleasured groan.

It’s better than almost any of his gross little fantasies. He’s not sure his favorite porn videos will ever be able to compare to the sight of you being fucked stupid and split in two by his friends, two cocks sliding in and out of your tired holes as you cry.

You squeeze your eyes shut as the first waves of the orgasm begin to roll over you. Mattsun’s deft, long, fingers toy with your clit, stroking you insistently through the wild jerking of your hips as he feels your walls fluttering and creaming around the base of his dick. The pleasure is intense, unbearable, almost impossible to hold back, even as disgust crawls beneath your skin at the feeling of being stretched wide open.

Maybe they were right.

All those times you’d thought about what you’d do if this happened, every single night when you’d lie awake and tell yourself, i’ll fight back. i’ll resist. i’ll make them regret ever forcing me -

They were all lies.

Oikawa feels a sick sense of satisfaction as he watches the turmoil in your expression. He can tell by the slump of your shoulders, the bitterness in your gaze, the way you turn over to your side and curl up into a fetal position - they broke you, turned you into a mindless, slutty, fuckdoll, showed you who you really were.

Kageyama can have you back now. He’ll come into this hotel room, horrified at the sight of you passed out and naked, and call the police. Maybe he’ll help wash you up, bring you a cup of tea as you sob and insist that it wasn’t your fault. Maybe he’ll even believe you, despite the way you’ve stained the sheets.

But things won’t ever really be the same for you.

They made sure of it.

if you liked this, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated! my inbox is always open :)

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