#not me getting real ass emotional trauma from a fucking dream

[queerstudiesnatural]

btw i did have a nightmare last night that like, fucked me up a little bit

#(cw for bad vibes) #basically i was abducted by a guy who threatened to sa me #so i flopped him around like a dead fish hulk style (you know the one hulk and loki scene) and then ran away #and that's when my two siblings showed up who had apparently also been abducted by the same guy #and we all ran away together but i can't run for shit because i have asthma #and if i run for more than 30 seconds my lungs literally stop working #so i was was watching my sibling run ahead of me and i kept slowing down and that's when i turned around and saw the dude run out after us #so i was calling out for my brother to?? idk what i was expecting him to do like fly us away?? i don't fucking know #but anyway he found us a dark alley to hide in and we waited for the dude to run past us and then we started discussing where we should go #because the guy knew where i lived #and that's when i woke up #and there was like some fucked up shit that i don't even wanna talk about #not me getting real ass emotional trauma from a fucking dream #rain.stuff #sa mention #that's a real tag

[dairy-farmer]

Still~ thinking about Time Travel~☆

Bruce would... wait... ACTUALLY??? EVERYONE would fuckin give a LIMB to "go back and Do It Right"(tm)?

Oh :Dc Oh No~ that's a FANTASTIC thought~☆

Some big Everything's Fucked Event. Like when Superboy Prime PUNCHED REALITY and broke it, bringing Jason back. Maybe some shit head reality warper collecting the seven sacred McGuffins or what have you. But they? Can't stop him.

Some of them last longer then others. But the idiot BROKE reality. And eventually? It resets itself.

But!

Tim died BEFORE the Break. Everyone else died AFTER. It was Heroic, of course, tried to destroy the last object before the reality warper could get it. But the bastard already had 6. He got Tim first.

And... they had all been drifting apart. Strained relationships, traumas upon traumas. Never knowing what to SAY. Wanting to fix things. Always somehow making things worse. Trying to do better. And then?

Tim is just... just GONE.

Then they die, Reality in fragments. Like some fucked up Alice in Wonderland fever dream. And? Wake up at different points in their own history.

Bruce blinks. And there is Tim. Tiny and determined to save him from himself. He's so small.

Bruce is collapsing to his knees and dragging him into a hug before he can think of anything else. His son. His boy. Tim. Warm and perfect, uncertain as he awkwardly hugs him back.

And this time he's a better mentor. Past mistakes always haunting him. Better food, better teaching, better gear. Better body management. Stretching and massages. Bruce is... obsessive, unsurprisingly, over Taking Care of Tim. He can't fail again. HAS to be better.

It's inevitable, that it gets weird. Started OUT invasive, after all. Since sexual wellness IS important to mental and emotional regulation, that has to be scheduled too. What do you mean "you don't"? Robin, it's stress relief.

Of course Bruce will show you. Yes of COURSE he's going to get you toys, show you how to use them. No, no, you're doing it wrong. Not like THAT, like THIS. See how he's doing it?

All so very educational.

But! Oh no! What if Robin wants to DATE? It was a disaster for him last time. Bruce better show him. And obviously if he's already doing THAT, he should show him how to put the moves on someone. And since we're doing THAT, it's only reasonable to follow through. Robin can't patrol distracted! That's not safe!

So he HAS to fuck him.

And really, if he's done it ONCE, he might as well teach him what he knows. Who better, then someone Robin can trust?

Which is what Dick stumbles into. Somehow in the past. With an even MORE neurotic Bruce who's-! Who's-! He'll KILL YO-! Heeeey there Timmy! Just need to talk to Bruce real quick, so... huh?

And that's when it hits Dick like a gut punch? That THIS Tim? No ugliness between them. Is excited to see him. Greets him with a hug. Warm and cute and bouncy. Wants... wants help... practicing...

Dicks eyes shoot to Bruce. Back to Tim. He keeps his Nightwing mask, firmly in place as the part of what he WANTS fight like dogs inside him. He shouldn't. Needs to stop this NOW. It's already WAY out of hand...

Y-Yeah, Timmers, of course he'll help.

What're big Brothers for?

And Tim is terrible at riding him. Gets too overwhelmed and freezes up, again and again. Is so SENSITIVE. It's so cute Dick can barely stand it, as he lifts and sinks him down. Watches him pant and squirm. Let's him cling like Dick is the only thing holding him together.

He's never been harder.

Jason, of course, could really only blink awake in one place. Because his luck is SHIT. Titans Tower. He thinks it's hell. Purgatory maybe. A punishment for what he did here. Goes to face it. Only...

Where's Timbers?

In his room. Having "Me Time". Face down, ass in the air, vibrator set to "Destroy Me". He didn't notice SHIT when the power cut. The world could end but until he's gotten off? Robin's not here right now, leave a message.

Jason decides this is a very fucked up wet dream to have while Dying, but? Screw it.

So he invites himself to the party. Pants open, cock out. Vibrator removed. World rocked.

He fucks Tim's hot little puss just the way he's always wanted too. Deep and with intent to fill it. Then he has his perky little ass, just cause. Fills that too. Eventually realizes this is NOT the afterlife or a dream, but is too busy pounding the best fuck of his life to care.

Cares a LOT more when an Out For Blood Half Kryptonian RIPS the door from the wall, along with the frame and some of the wall itself. While he is balls deep in Robin. Whoooo he may have fucked sopping wet and sloppy. While being a notorious Crime Lord.

Oh, Right.

He should ru-Shit! *sounds of Wrath And Kryptonian Violence*

It DOES bring the family back together. Even if Kon vows to NEVER forgive or forget. Hisses like an outraged cat at the mere mention of Red Hood. But things are great! Then Talia does what she do. Fucks up Bruce's mental health. THIS time however, he was aware it was coming.

And Damian, last Survivor of the Bat Clan, blinks into awareness to Tim offering him his hand. Excited to have a little brother.

Ah. Timothy looks... young. He no longer feels threatened by him, as he once did. Damian grew up. He shakes his hand. Is WELCOMED. Doted on.

Finds himself... Timothy's? Favorite? The baby of the family. None can touch him. One look and Timothy will come snarling to his defense. He need only pout and all will be delivered to his feet. Hilarious, how different it could have been.

But.

He is not blind. He is not the only one back in time. And the changes...

He can not argue that the family is not CLOSER, but must they act like animals? Panting after Timothy? Yet on the other hand... being so doted upon? Has brought up... feelings.

So... awkwardly... he, like a child who's had a bad dream, shuffles into Tim's room in the night. Is welcomed with open arms. Cuddled, fingers running through his hair, as he with fumbling hands explores. Guided in and pulled into Tim's arms, so he can rutt desperately into Tim's body, while Tim sleepily holds him close.

Random sparks of pleasure shooting through Tim's body as Damian manages to thrust just right, every so often. Praising him regardless. Because he's doing so good, is Tim's precious younger brother.

Letting Damian cum himself exhausted before getting himself off. Damian dazed and worshipful, clinging as dozes off. Dick finding them in the morning and pouting because this means no Morning Fuckies. Damian's totally gonna hog Tim's attention.

Being right.

Bat Clan Wars over Timmy Time. Tim playing the mediator. That leading to sharing.

Better More Tim Fucking Time Line!

What say you?

-🐼🐼🐼

all of them using time travel to act on deeply repressed feelings for tim they never acted on before 😍😍😍!!

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

[doberbutts]

All I can think about every time people get incredibly weird about dicks is "there's a person attached to that, you know". There's this weird trend in some internet circles where people talk about xyz bodies like they aren't also talking about the person. A pair of big breasts isn't just floating in the ether, they're a part of a person, and you need to be normal about that. You have to be normal about penises or whatever else too, because they're also Part Of A Person. "My body" and "me" are not seperable. If you're creepy about "my body" you're creepy about me. It makes me really uncomfortable when people forget this or at least erase it from their phrasing somehow.

Yeah it's... a lot. Like, sure the part is a part but there's a whole ass person attached, you know?

On one hand I can kind of understand if due to trauma or even just your own understanding of your sexuality or gender, you are repulsed by certain body parts. Plenty of people hate feet, for instance, while plenty more can't get enough. And I think both are perfectly valid emotions to have, whether "feet are dirty and therefore gross and unsexy" or "feet are beautiful and taste/smell amazing and thus I love them" is your deal, at the end of the day most people have feet and you're going to need to deal with that knowledge in the most normal way possible. But you always need to acknowledge that there is an entire human attached regardless of your personal feelings on this body part.

If you don't like dick you don't like dick. That's okay. But to write thinkpieces on how anyone who likes or interacts positively with a dick or even another human being to whom a dick is attached are inherently broken filthy rapists or rapist adjacent and all need to be killed and eradicated from the earth? That's weird. You can have a personal dislike of penis and not do that.

I don't like vagina 🤷‍♂️ you don't see me going around hating anyone who has one or who has interacted with one or saying they're disgusting animals that need to be removed from existence. They can have and like vagina somewhere that isn't in a sexual context with me, that's fine. I don't even like my own, why would I want to touch someone else's? But I'm still fucking NORMAL about the fact that vaginas exist all around me and are attached to real life human beings with thoughts and dreams and emotions and souls. Just because I don't want anything to do with that body part doesn't mean I need to treat the people with said body part as though they're the scum of the earth.

[yatorihell]

Noragami Reread Volume 11-13

I'm so sad Adachitoka you make me so sad

We've hit the Sakura chapters and the hospital arc and I am not having a good time

Vol 11

40

They're visiting Suzuha's tree they've not forgotten him

Coo phone where are you baby

Yato shaming Kazuma for being like That with Bishamon

Father is like 'I want to have as much fun as I can' then makes that woman jump off the balcony

Father wants to save Hiyori from his worthless son jshd

'She might take Yato away from you' 'that would never happen' lol suffer

'Just being near him is enough to bring someone disaster' why did we ignore the red flags

Father stop saying you got dumped dieeee

Crush his balls Hiyori

Yato clinging to Hiyori wanting her to talk about her problems

'I have to do something for her' grant her wish lol

41

Capyperland trauma here we go

Yato using his money for someone else is such a development

Kofuku wanting to ruin Yato's smile hsh

Hiyori preserving belief that Capypers are real

Yukine deserves to go to Capyperland

Kms the trio are all together they're so happy even with all the disaster happening

Hate that the Marry Me sign wasn't in the ova

'Can we stay together a little longer' sad to say I think a little while is over

'How much can I trust your words' hand scene had me more feral than the season 1 ending

42

Yato's goddess Hiyori dream would be a fun little ova

Kofuku backstory time

Kofuku being banned from shinki but taking Daikoku because he's hot, I wonder why Heaven didn't make her release him

Daikoku giving Kofuku a name in return

Daigo was so cute but all I can think of is the Kagome children, creepy bastard is probably in there

Yato cutting Daikoku's ties but it was fake and they worked it out together I'm so sad

Daikoku would raise Kofuku if she even reincarnated I'm so sad

Bubble era Kofuku is a look

43

Mayu's past but what we really wanted right then was Yukine's

Father letting Yato make memories to destroy later die challenge

Gods greatest secret and Sakura arc let's go

Vol 12

44

'If he'd lived his shadow would be longer than mine' mine would be a lot shorter if I was stood on a cliff

Fuck offff Father croc ass bitch makes himself known

He's really making him play video games

I forgot what happened to the old word

Necessary evil foreshadowing

'I won't do anything to Yukine' liarrrrrrr 'Hiyori chan on the other hand' zsgcgcf DIE

'You're a taker' vs Yato giving Hiyori his last breath I hate this manga

Father die challenge

Yato calling Hiyori my pure white yet more foreshadowing

Love how they've both been sent photos of the kiss/trip out of spite

Nora go away (I forgive you)

Is that Father's hand on Yukine's shoulder during the fight sjhdb

'One day Yukine will belong to your Father' dieeee this had us pressed for years until it happened

45

Bishamon seeing Yato in a new light

Yato's concern for Yukine after the Nora fight he's really got the daddy issue and daddy solution package

'I was getting hot and heavy with Hiyori'

Yato reveal that he has a lifeline

'You wanna dig out my tush crystal'

Hiyori tail memories let's goooo

God this is so fucked up look at all baby's murders

Yato's Sakura tree has me quaking cos you know when we see it again it's bad!!!!

46

Baby Yato is so cute

Nora's reaction to being given away for Yato to name

I wonder if the black background and boom boom SFX are meant to represent the womb fir Nora's memories

Yato immediately starts swinging once he gets a sword

Yato and Sakura meeting and he has the attention span of that butterfly

Sakura smacking the shit out of Yato he needs it tbh

Father ready to punish Nora even without proof because Yato's lethargic, not blighted

Yato experiences geniune, no strings attached affection for the first time?

Yato get out of the tits

Yato learning kindness from humans and how to be a kid

'I want to be with sakura a little while longer' WHERE HAVE WE HEARD THAT BEFORE

And then he ruins it by killing

47

Adachitoka really gets the emotion down to a T in this manga Sakura's face is perfect

Sakura finding her purpose is to teach Yato

Father punishing Nora again for Yato's actions but he's a good dad (joke)

Nora like 'and I took that personally' when Sakura notices she has 2 names

When you read it you're like oh she evil but then next chapter you know she didn't know what would happen

Father said its for her own good

Vol 13

48

Love how we've ignored the whole Hiyori storyline lol when did she last ask to be fixed

Kazuma trying to put a spell Yato he's that crazy, even if it was a joke that bitch has issues

Yato wondering why Father is putting ayakashi in humans then thinks of Hiyori jdjj

'You like Yaboku don't you?' now we're confronting the feelings (I wouldn't say they're all the way there yet but she cares for him)

Oh I'm so sad stop bringing up that in centuries Hiyori will be dead and Yato will be alive

IMAGE OF HIYORI WITH HER CHILDREN

'When people die no one can ever see them again' I hate this line stop haunting us

49

Yato and Yukine guarding Hiyori at school and you can see Yukine's bag floating midair

Love how Hiyori just bodies Yato when she thinks about liking him and he enjoys it

Hiyori wanted to be a doctor when she was little

Hospital attack was such a curveball I was riveted

Yukine's name chips oh it begins I hate this

50

'You'll lose your future' haaaaaaa she did now she hasn't

Yatobisha team up

I love how Yato looks in this chapter

Bishamon bare handed killing ayakashi she's just that powerful

Tsuguha getting hit and it's just game over basically

'You're going to make Yato take care of it again' several gun emojis I hate this fucker

'However they want to save her it's up to them' with a kiss apparently <3

51

'Neither of us can do anything but kill stuff' vs most recent chapter has me all sorts of ways

'I don't have to cut anything I'll figure something out' CAN YOU then again her cord is gone nkwnso defacto win if she remembers him

'How can I save Hiyori' kiss <3

'I'm always here to help you'

'I want him to wrap me up in that gentle light and forgive me for everything I've done' IS THAT HOW IT FELT WHEN SHE GOT NAMED HUH

Hiyori half phantom was such a level up

Bite him it's a love language

LET ME BE WITH YOU

MAKE HIYORI A SHINKI

HIYORI WANTS TO BE WITH YOU

Oh the hug I'm so sad Adachitoka you make me so sad

'I can't let you come to this side yet' I'm so sad adachitoka you make me so sad

Oh what are the chances they won't even see each other final chapter lol (I will die)

#noragami aragoto #noragami #hiyori #yato #yukine #goodbyenoragami

[railwaycuckoo]

27/11/23

Carrion flowers

In hopes a digital journal will make me more consistent.

Remember when he said - medium makes up 90% the essence of a poem. Remember her writing with such a passion, always in cursive, and me, typing on a phone.

She's now a drug addicted mother. I'm a scavenger, a rat. I carry leprosy, anthrax, curse.

Things don't feel as serious, real, when typed, even though my poetry, let's face it, consisted of trauma live or past coverage, it didn't feel real, for a long time. Slipped unseen. It wasn't my story, reporting from life of somebody else.

I've always been separate from my emotions. I've been separating myself from them since I was a kid. Unlike most things, I'm good at it. I can detach the act from the actor and so a lot of times I'm losing track of what had really happened.

Memories, half lived and half created, strung between history and, of consistency needs, holes being filled with what could've happened, could've been said, seen, heard.

Not to look for excuses, as I think, I passed the point where you still try to believe that water is clear at the spring.

I asked my therapist (isn't it just pathetic, whatever you believe, that we're all giving out our dark, our weak, spilling our guts onto paid strangers, somehow specialized in making out sense of what can't and shouldn't be shared, isn't it desperate, fucking sad?) if it may be true that being a good person is a choice. It never seemed to just ooze out of me like it does for some people.

Always fascinated by what's malicious, ugly, putrid. My favorite cartoon characters were the antagonists, I loved spiders and bogs, the outcasts, the cuckoos, the mold.

I love the idea of closeness, sensitivity, innocence, of love, of connection, dedication, openness, I love the pictures, the movies, I crave what I imagine the feeling to be.

But the real experience of it, just like anything or anyone, I guess, never matched.

So I endorse ideas. Trapped is a stupid ass Plato dualist world where they seem to be more genuine than what happens between the skins.

It would be funny if I was 15 again.

Possibly, it would get me some nice girl to swirl around my daydreaming, buzzing screen, where they carry heads, like a satellite. Like a bee circling 'round flower. Mimesis crypsis.

I watched you change into a fly, I looked away you were on fire. And I watched a change in you, it's like you never had wings.

About three weeks and not by chance - I'm living half a life, I don't remember dreams - you've been coming or I have, damned will to part.

It happened before, it's microwaved. Dull, soggy, half-cocked.

I wrote a poem, years ago. No record.

I asked her to exit my sleep. I was slowly pulling her long, pink dyed hair out of my mouth. And I was asking to leave, repeating it like a mantra.

Something is singing, beeping, clanking in the ceiling, pipes. It happened before.

I wrote a poem, years ago.

Rain in the gutter, Geiger counter. (...)

Someone has spat on me from your window.

It's not a blessing.

Night watchman, arm in a sling,

foreswearing under oath.

Maybe I'll hear from you tonight, once more.

Seems like I'm casting your shadow, can't let ideas

Fleet.

In case you ever find this journal, I'm sorry.

#journal #spilled poetry #journalling #poetry #writing #prose #prose poetry #reading #poems on tumblr #dear diary #deftones #Beck #eternal sunshine of the spotless mind #deja vu #time loop #therapy #actually mentally ill #Spotify

[mlobsters]

supernatural s6e3 the third man (w. ben edlund)

so i wanted to know where cas was, i guess "total anarchy" is a little different from what i said ("heaven politics"). whatever, dean needs some backup from all these pod people.

trying to file away a thought about how the show treats him leaving lisa and its after effects, if he's dreaming about her now. not holding my breath on that. (but maybe this was just an excuse to get both guys shirtless)

is this a random lady sam banged or the lady in the hunter group? pretty and longish brown hair blending together.

also sam is very tan. i wonder side by side how much darker he is than s1. might be due to the lighting/coloring they're going with the past couple seasons which can be really warm and saturated at times.

s1e17 hell house / s6e3 the third man - evolution of tan

ah right, i forgot i knew the sex worker thing.

oh jackles what did they do to your face. i know it looks worse because i have the nighttime warm display on, but oof

dean's just rolling with this totally different personality from sam. it's only been 5 minutes but i haven't been angry and i'm tryin real hard to keep the chill vibe. but...

i guess we're going all-in on the gross deaths.

DEAN Yeah, I suppose. Still driving the plastic piece of crap, huh?

SAM What's your mileage, again?

DEAN Shut up.

well, i appreciate the mention of gas mileage because the amount of money they had to have spent on gas for the impala based on the amount they drive is astronomical. but again, we're just doing the fun banter. i don't really get this version of soullessness.

but then, hmm. thinking of the magicians, which sera gamble was also a showrunner on, they had this thing called a shade: "The Shade is the tiny beating heart of the soul and the part that allows people to process complex emotions and connect to one another. The bonds of friendship, love, intimacy, trust, and compassion all rely completely upon the Shade." they also had it be a release from pain from trauma. and general give no fucks anymore-ness. (were shades in the books... i can't remember)

but anyway it kinda seems like, from what i've seen here, their implementation of soulless is really similar to shadeless. i think i'm grating against it so hard because i want dean to figure it out and he can't figure it out if they're being chummy on a job.

also why isn't dean even silently pissy about sam NOT CONTACTING HIM IN A YEAR THAT DEAN THOUGHT HE WAS STILL IN HELL. i just don't see how there's any plot or explanation that's going to make me think dean would react like this. with how you've had him be about sam for the past 5 years, and established canonically his history with him before that. does not compute for me.

(s3e5 bedtime stories) CROSSROADS DEMON No more desperate, sloppy, needy Dean. 

you don't get demons calling you out to your brother about being desperate, sloppy and needy for nothing.

and zachariah's "sam and dean winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other". but no. dean's all good.

SAM So, what, you -- you like him better or something?

CASTIEL Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn't gonna mention it.

--

DEAN Cas, look, if Sam calls, you answer. Okay? You wing your ass down here, and you tell him, "I don't know." Just because we have some sort of a -- a bond or whatever...

CASTIEL You think I came because you called? I came because of this. 

i wonder how cas's dislike of sam gets translated into fandom (who must have had a field day with the profound bond line)

CASTIEL Sam, Dean, my "people skills" are "rusty." Pardon me, but I have spent the last "year" as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent. 

same, bro, same. except the multidimensional wavelength part.

kind of funny this dude is blaming cas for giving the angels free will.

oh someone must have gif'd tobias and hannibal fighting compared with raphael beating on cas. that's funny.

feeling slightly mollified that at least dean brought up sam seemingly not caring about anything.

DEAN Hey man, I'm just trying to figure this out because... something's different with you. You know that.

SAM Yeah. Yeah, I know.

DEAN Really?

SAM Yeah. I mean... I've been hunting non-stop for the past year, kind of... kind of on the wild, you know? So, yeah, I suppose I'm a little rough around the edges.

well that made me wonder how much awareness sam has of what's going on, realizing i assumed he knew but i see it also makes sense if he doesn't. and doesn't care because he's happy (i assume?)

DEAN Yeah, I get that. I just don't think I'm getting the whole scoop. You went to hell, Sam. And believe me, I know what that does to a guy.

SAM To you.

DEAN What?

SAM You know what it does to you. It -- it tortured you. You know? I think it still does. But, Dean... I'm okay.

ouch. that was ugly. we do not need to fuel dean's guilt-shame fire.

still really looking forward to this particular plotline's demise.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 6x03 #robosam #ben edlund #the magicians #sera gamble #by proxy #evolution of sam's tan #spn-tm-thoughts

[khalessi-aline]

My living situation is unique. In fact one might say my whole life has been unique. From one trauma filled hellhole to another, so many fucked up things again and again until I somehow managed to get somewhat stable.

And I live in fear of that being snatched away.

I've even figured out what the issue is. I've never had an "in real life" friend. Someone who was quite literally just down the stairs. Someone I could laugh with, gossip with, watch TV with, drink with, cry with, whisper secrets to, explore the city with, giggle with.....all of that. It's beautiful to have a friend in real life that you can do that with, fucking beautiful.

And I feel like it's all getting snatched away.

And I know that's not literally the case. I know he's not taking her away. And thats a weird disgusting way to put it, taking her away like she's an object. Gross. But I can't figure out a better way to put it. And like the thing is, he kind of already has. He steals her time, time that used to be mine, conversations, chats, secrets. They all belong to him now. Soon I won't even have her presence. I'll be forgotten and of course I know the whole song and dance, and what they all say. I know she means what she says and she believes it.

"Of course we'll be friends still. We won't break apart. I'm not leaving you. I'm not going to forget you."

BUT YOU ALREADY HAVE STARTED TOO.

You already have started forgetting me. Started letting go of this friendship in preparation for a true relationship and I'm hurt. I'm fucking hurt. And nobody sees it, nobody cares. And of course it's not her problem. She deserves happiness and love and a true relationship where she is worshipped and cared for and cherished. Absolutely. Absolutely she deserves that.

I just want a fucking connection, I want to not be alone. I'm exhausted of people with their friends and their high school friends and their college friends and their mom friends and their "in real life" friends. And I LOVE my Internet friends, God knows I do. I'm so thankful, so very very grateful, it's a blessing that I didn't think I'd ever get. But somehow it's made me greedy. I want friends I can see daily, talk on the phone too. Yeah sometimes in the dark and in the dim barely lit emotional zones, I just wanna dial a number and hear someone's voice. I want them to come to my house (or up the stairs).....I am greedy for this connection, aching for it, angry and bitter at my own want and selfish desire and stupid entangled emotions

I can't help feel sometimes these relationships I manage to form anywhere and everywhere are fleeting, almost fake and if I stopped reaching out, those who I am connected with might stop reaching out to. I just thought......with this living situation, dependent on each other yet still self sufficient, I don't know... some stupid ass little girl fantasy popped into my head where we'd be roomies and then best friends and skip off happily together.

God what a dumb ass thought, what a stupid hope, a ridiculous little dream from a ridiculous little girl who apparently still hasn't learned anything.

Yeah, and I know at the heart of this, at the core of this is the idea that I feel so worthless, so useless, so completely fucking unworthy that it doesn't surprise me when people don't stay, when people forget about me, when people leave gradually move on and away.

I guess I just thought maybe I'd have more time and we'd build more memories......

I thought I finally had found an "in real life friend" a connection and knowing she's moving on....its just hard I guess. It's just hard. Its not the case at all but I feel abandoned. Again.

How many times can I shatter before there's nothing left to glue together.

#brain dump #thoughts #depressing shit

[dzpenumbra]

1/3/23

Today was pretty decent. Pretty fackin decent, Julian.

I slept like shit. Yep, despite being super exhausted last night, I slept like ass. Woke up at least 5 times. Got up when my cat puked on the floor again, this time was not a hairball. I have no idea what to do when that happens. I brought it up with the vet and they barely reacted. Like she's either puked up a hairball or just fluid probably... 4 days this week? At least? And she has thyroid problems and kidney disease. So like... I feel like I should be doing something about it, or at least be concerned... But my theory on it is that she's being fed too far apart. I mean... too close together... Agh it's complicated. I feed her in the AM (like 1 or 2 PM), and I get my first bit of food. Then we both feed at like... 8PM? Maybe 9? And then we both don't eat until the next cycle starts. That's just what life has been since I stopped free-feeding her a while back. And now she's on a super strict prescription diet, she doesn't even get treats, so... I kinda have to schedule feed her. It's a tricky one. The answer really is to get up earlier, but I've really been struggling with sleep.

Weirdly enough, the problem is not falling asleep, which used to be the big problem for like over a decade. The issue is staying asleep and getting to bed. When I get trauma shit set off, I feel like... I am more prone to self-soothe, self-care. Which is good, it's very good. But... I do tend to hyperfocus on it, because I will not settle for a mediocre self-care method, I will find the best one out there. And then I get sucked into it big-time, because it's working. Then I look at the clock, and it's 5:30AM. This happens constantly and it doesn't really matter whether my normal sleep schedule is in place or not. I could be on a normal bedtime of like... 1AM, and I'll just be so engrossed in my self-care thing that I just... ignore my tiredness. Like the ancient meme from the Civilization series "just one more turn..."

And that's the most depressing part, because honestly, I would rather be playing a game or making art or music or whatever the thing I was engrossed in was. Because going to sleep is a risk. It's a chance that I'm gonna get some really nasty dreams. The thing I'm hyperfocused on is safe, it's good. So that's tricky. But that shock to my sleep schedule doesn't right itself overnight. Emotions need to recover first. But, during the winter, I lose a lot of my go-to emotional healing methods... specifically... going into nature. Because it gets dark at fucking 4PM, and when things are rough I'm not getting out of bed until like 2. Mandatory shower is half an hour. Caffeine and food is another half hour. Then I look at the clock and I have an hour to do anything. Say I want to go to this State Park. 18 minute drive. I have 40 minutes, and my ass isn't walking back to my car through the woods in the dark, so cut that in half. 20 minutes in, 20 minutes out. I hate to ask "is it worth it?" but like... is it? I feel like it'll just leave me frustrated and wanting more.

So yeah, PTSD strikes again. Go figure, staying up 5 hours past your normal sleep time for a few days completely throws your life off. Who woulda guessed?

On a less dark note, I got my furniture list put together, that was good. I was actually really locked in as far as getting house stuff on paper. Now I have more of an idea of what I'm looking for from Goodwill or the Habitat for Humanity place when I go.

I called the vet, I made sure they had more of the prescription food for Max, got them to order more of her arthritis supplements and set up a follow up appointment to check her blood levels. Poor thing, she's going through so much. At least she gets Gabapentin every night, she's gettin some real good sleep.

I did my yoga, it was good. The theme was "Listen" which I thought was ironic because I couldn't hear half of what she was saying, I guess I had the volume too low. I also couldn't follow some of it because I didn't really know what pose she was transitioning into, I don't really know the poses, so... I did my best. My hamstrings and my hips are in rough shape, my lower back feels like it just straight up doesn't bend... my shoulders have always carried all of my tension and are finally getting the rust out of the hinges, and my neck is slowly starting to come back into some semblance of a normal human neck. It's gonna take time to fix my horrible posture, but it's worth the work.

The big highlight of the day was getting my big comfy chair. I've been waiting for it, and it finally got delivered. It's a 6 foot beanbag style chair filled with shredded memory foam. Max has been sleeping in it all night, she absolutely loves it! I do too, it just needs some more time to expand I think, they said it can take up to 4-5 days to like... get where it's supposed to be. It's still cool, and I'm really glad to have it.

But here's where it gets a bit complicated. So... when I'm in my comfy chair... what do I do? I was picturing watching TV or something, just chilling and getting really comfy and watching something, but... I don't have a TV anymore. So I have to like... figure out a TV. And figure out what to hook it up to. It just isn't as simple as it used to be. Plus, this is the part that was a little... tough to process today. I haven't been shopping for a TV, or even looked at TVs or monitors in like... probably over 10 years. I think my current monitor is about 10 years old, maybe 8 or 9 minimum? So... I go... "okay, I just need a TV and maybe a wireless receiver or something and I'll be good, I guess?" Because I've seen people cast stuff from their phones to TVs before, so I know it's a thing, and... okay, I'm gonna simplify this thought because I'm super tired. I felt super old. TVs and monitors are basically the same thing, and TVs now all have operating systems and shit on them? Which I don't really... need, honestly. And monitors are not the right size for what I'm looking for. So it just kinda culture shocked me a bit, I guess. Like every fucking TV has a Siri built into it now, it's odd to me. But, I'm pretty sure I found a TV that has Chromecast built into it, and that might (and I stress, might) do what I want it to do. So I might opt for that.

Okay, seriously, I shit you not, I am doing all of this to avoid fucking advertisements and avoid being cornered and peer-pressured and forced into buying a subscription to something. I just want to watch my YouTube, maybe some Netflix stuff on my family account? And Twitch when I'm in the mood. And play Xbox sometimes. And not be bombarded by fucking ads. That's all. I don't think that's too much to ask. And my computer can do that. But I can't do that in my comfy chair at my computer. So...

Okay, I've lost interest in this, I'm sure anyone reading had long before I did. I just felt old doing that. Looking at tech nowadays and just getting frustrated because everything is made to "make things easier", on the assumption that you want to do what they want you to do. And then they intentionally engineer it to be super difficult to do things they might not want you to do. And they really don't talk about that part much, you know? So yeah, ease-of-use? Definitely. But not user-friendly. And I am straight up NOT shelling out that kinda cash for an ad machine, sorry. I might've tolerated it in the past to a degree, but targeting schizophrenia injection medications to someone in extreme isolation during the pandemic every fucking day is... abuse of advertising privileges. It's really fucked up. You don't target people with mental health issues and try to sell them medications, you are not doctors, you are not prescribers, we cannot buy these medications, just stop. Until they put a little more work into actually getting their demographics right, I'm not willing to pay that kind of price so that someone can make a few pennies. I feel like they could be advertising booze to recovering alcoholics and would not give half a shit. Oh shit, let's not forget the Reddit ads I was getting for bulletproof vests when I was moving to the city for the first time, really fucking helping the mental health crisis in our country there, assholes.

Tired. Okay. Good vibes, let's find them. Played the Ancestors game again tonight. Had a surprisingly good story line this time. Rescued a male, the two females got pregnant, then rescued another female after the male was tragically mauled by one of the 20,000 gigantic mean-ass cats around. The new female was sent out on an expedition to explore. She ended up finding where the old settlement was, surprisingly not too far away. And came really close to dying from a snakebite, like barely survived. Then she found a male stranded in a tree, dying of thirst with a gigantic anaconda nest at the base of the tree. She went to get him a coconut, but fell from the tree and broke her arm. She still soldiered up and got him the coconut, he joined her, they started heading back to the settlement. The male told her to stay put and went to get something to help with the broken bone, he gets sliced up by a big cat and they both have to book it. He's bleeding out. They make it to a river and patch both of their wounds. The river happens to be the one that the settlement is at, at the top of the waterfall. They breed, and at the end of the recording tonight, I had to figure out how to make them give birth. Yep, you have to manually give birth to offspring, it's not like... wait for them to mature, it's like... welp, you're pregnant so... give birth whenever I guess. It totally makes sense... But, logical fallacy aside, three babies were born. So I'm not locked anymore, and the tribe has a chance to grow and evolve. Yay.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

[the-cult-of-russo]

gotta know how u think billy would be as a dad with his kids :D

I had so many requests for Dad!Billy headcanons 😭

I hope you're ready for this chaotic ramble.

Please remember this is my Billy I'm writing

-

You know those parents who take like a million pictures of their kid and show them to everyone? The kind that talks about their kid nonstop to anyone who'll listen? Their family, friends, the poor random old lady at the store that just wants to buy some damn milk.

That's Billy.

He's such an unbelievably proud parent, his pride for his kids knows no bounds. It doesn't even need to be some kind of milestone worth celebrating, everything his kid does makes him proud. You better believe when his baby has an explosive crap and ruins their clothes, he's boasting about it the next day to Frank and the guys at Anvil.

-

He's incredibly protective. Murder is a possibility if his kids in danger. He wants nothing more than to keep his kids safe. If they're being bullied, it takes all of his willpower to stop himself from kicking the kids ass for doing that to his kid. He's not above picking a fight with the bullies dad though if they don't get their little shit head in check and also making it known to the principle that this shit won't fly with him.

~

"Mr Russo, I don't think you understand how serious this is. Your son broke a kids nose," the principle mutters with a glare.

Billy tilts his head, regarding the teacher with those unsettling eyes that has the old man squirming in his seat.

"You’re damn right he did," Billy replies seriously, a proud tone to his voice. His dark eyes cut to his left where his son is, practically his double. As Billy smirks, unable to help himself, his son wears the same one although he's lowering his head to hide his amusement.

"We don't tolerate that behaviour here, Mr Russo," the principle huffs. Billy's eyes harden then as his eyes narrow, sitting forward in his chair just the right amount to be imposing. The second the man leans back he knows it worked.

"You know what I don't tolerate? My kid bein' bullied. You assholes won't do shit to stop it, so I say let the little fucker get a taste of his own medicine. Serves him right for messin' with a Russo," he smirks wickedly.

~

He teaches them self defence, wanting them to be able to look after themselves if it ever came down to it. Naturally, for their 16th birthday, they're gifted with a big ass knife.

-

Billy as a dad is so stupidly soft.

We all remember the scene from the show, right? Where he's in the hospital with his mom and he says;

"Maybe you did me a solid, you know? I mean, the way I see it, you want weak kids, give 'em everything. But if you... if you want 'em strong... treat 'em hard."

When he has a kid of his own he realises just what utter garbage this is. The idea of all the shit he's been through making him into the tough son of a bitch he is today is born from trauma that he still hasn't dealt with. The way his brain tries to rationalise what he went though. To make it make sense instead of it being so goddamn senseless.

But if he's honest, more than he'd like to admit, he finds himself wondering just what his life would have been like if he grew up in a loving home. What it would be like to feel wanted and cared for. To rise to the top being helped and cheered on by others instead of clawing his way there with bloodied and dirty fingers, the weight of the world bearing down on him as he's beat down at every turn.

He never wants his kids to feel that way. Not even a fraction of how unloved and unwanted he felt. He does everything in his power to make sure they know just how much he cares about them. There's literally nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. They could turn up at home one day and confess to a murder and Billy wouldn't hesitate to ask where the body is so he can handle it for them.

-

Billy is ridiculously sentimental when it comes to his kids. Drawings go up on the fridge and when a new one takes its place, the old one goes into a box of many others that he can't seem to ever throw away. He has multiple pictures of his kids at his office, even some framed cute drawings they did for him. He's kept all the mementos from the pregnancy, birth and onwards. They're his little treasures.

-

Billy is super supportive of everything his kids do. He makes sure they get a good education but he never pushes them to do something they don't want to do. Despite the large college fund he's got for them, if they choose not to go to college, he doesn't pressure them. Instead, whatever hopes and dreams they have, he does everything in his power to support and help them. Whether that's moral and emotional support, money or even breaking a few jaws of people standing in their way.

-

Let's look a little bit at how he is throughout some of the ages of his kid.

Billy with a baby is a sight to behold. No one has ever seen Lieutenant William Russo so goddamn soft. Once he's got hold of his baby, you've got no chance of getting them back off him. You'd have to fight him. He adores holding his little one close, soaking them in. He's constantly holding them no matter what he's doing and baby carriers and wraps are a godsend to him. You'd heard about them from a friend and told Billy and you better believe by the time the baby's born that he's an expert on all things baby wearing. He's a perfectionist and carrying a baby wrong can be dangerous. He makes sure he knows how to do it right.

Just as he has little affectionate touches for you, he has the same for his baby. His large hand stroking their tiny head and little hair. His finger stroking their chubby little cheek. He's a tactile person and touch is grounding for him. It soothes him to do so with his baby and reassures him they're really there and that they're okay.

He's super attentive. Of course he works a lot but as soon as he becomes a dad, he doesn't stay late anymore and makes sure to have days off. The second he comes home, he's making a beeline for his baby, scooping them up with a grin. He loves to read to them, something that continues as they grow up. His weekends used to be restful or if he was feeling like a masochist, he'd work from home. But now weekends are his time to shine. By the time you wake up on a Saturday morning, he's already up with the baby, making you breakfast as he's got the baby attached to him via baby carrier.

As his baby grows into a toddler, each milestone makes him tearful and full of pride. He kisses any booboos that happen and he's constantly playing with his child. He has a pretty silly side to him that most don't get to see. Making his kid laugh and smile brings him the greatest joy.

He loves taking his toddler to the office with him. Everyone dotes on his kid and treats them like royalty.

When they turn into a small child, he watches with a proud smile and amusement as his kid wants to fight with his men, watching them 'beat' the shit out of them. The guys at Anvil are more than happy to very dramatically go down, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when the tiny Russo grins smugly at their 'win'.

Their first day at school and Billy's a mess. It's such a turning point and he doesn't know how to deal with how fast their growing up. But every achievement at school, even minor ones, and he's showering them with praise.

He encourages them to work hard and as soft as he might be, he is still the boss. He makes sure they do their homework and don't fall behind on their studies.

One thing Billy loves is teaching his kids stuff. Whether that's mundane stuff to help with school or teaching them shit he knows like survivalist things, because you can never be too prepared, right? He loves helping them with school projects and answering any questions they might have about one of the many things he's knowledgeable about.

When his kids moves onto those hard teenage years, the ones where everything feels so dramatic and world ending, he's a little tougher when it calls for it. Billy is no novice to rebellion, he has a rebellious streak of his own and marches to the beat of his own drum half the time. He respects that. What he doesn't respect or tolerate is behaviour that's going to fuck his kid over in the long run or self sabotage. He will be firm and a hard ass if he needs to be to keep his kids on a path where they don't get hurt or ruin their life.

Billy has a zero tolerance policy on drugs. After the shit with his mother, he won't budge on this. If he finds out his kid is dabbling in drugs, they're grounded until they're old enough to move out.

-

No matter what age his kids are, Billy loves them immensely. He wants to be the father he wished he'd had growing up and he pours all of his anguish and pain from his upbringing into it. Channeling it into the purest form of love for his kids. To break the curse that had hold of him. He won't perpetuate the cycle.

Being a father brings him a sense of completeness and peace he didn't think was possible for him to achieve. It fills the void that's been eating away at his soul from his lack of love as a child and he loves every second of being a parent. Even the hard moments.

-

Bonus:

The Russo's and the Castle's go on monthly camping trips together. Billy loves the outdoors, the mild survivalist feelings he gets from it without the real danger. He loves taking his kids there, teaching them everything. In his role as dad and uncle, he sits around the camp fire at night, the light of the flames dancing along his face as he very theatrically tells the kids a spooky story.

You and his kids are his immediate family but the Castle's are his family too. So he really loves it when you all get to spend time together like that.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #the punisher #billy russo imagine #billy russo headcanons

[grand-line-shenanigans]

My thoughts about Luffy and Emotions

(because I am having Sad Hyperfixation Hours in this house tonight, and I am going to make it everyone else's problem)

So like. So like. Something that I've noticed, since I've caught up with One Piece but especially since Luffy's backstory was reveled post-maroneford, is how little Luffy actually deals with his emotions.

I mean. His entire life pretty much revolves around two things: becoming the Pirate King, and protecting the people he loves. He's shown many, many times that he would sacrifice nearly anything to do those things. And it might not be entirely intentional on Oda's part? But it's really fucking frightening. This sort of applies to becoming the Pirate King as well, but for me, it's way more apparent in his determination to protect his crew and family.

So starting with his backstory since that's when I really noticed it for the first time (not counting my suspicion of a Tragic Backstory™ hinted at in Enie's Lobby). Clearly he's got some real trauma. Like, a lot of trauma. It tends to be downplayed I think, or like, made to seem less Awful compared to a lot of the other characters in One Piece? But when I really started to think about it, it was actually heartbreaking.

Luffy's List of Trauma (non-extensive):

Kicked Around Like A Basketball by Bandits

His idol getting fucking amputated by a sea monster right in front of him (in an incident that Luffy was partially guilty for)

"Yo random mountain bandits, take my grandson, I'm too busy to take care of him" - Shitty Gramps

Ace trying to fucking murder Luffy several hundred times in the first 3 months of their acquaintance

Bandits are Bad Parents

Ace trying to fucking murder Luffy (but this time with Sabo)

Kicked Around Like A Basketball By Bandits (but this time with knives)

Grey Terminal. Just- Grey Terminal

"You're gonna be a MARINE and if you WON'T be a Marine, then I'll KICK YOUR ASS UNTIL YOU DO BECOME A MARINE!" - Shitty Gramps

Fire at Grey Terminal

Sabo gets kidnapped

Sabo fucking dies

Probably way more that I can't remember off the top of my head

So he's got ALL THIS TRAUMA, and on top of that is this: he's lonely. He hates being lonely. He can't stand to be lonely, he would rather die than be lonely, he will imprint on anyone in his vicinity even if they're trying to murder him, and once he gets attached to someone, he will protect them until his last breath.

So what it all boils down to is a terrifying lack of self-preservation. A lack of any value, really, in himself. He just doesn't care about his own safety. Literally he does not give a shit. He'd fight god and everyone else in the universe to save one of his friends, and if he dies in the process then, well, his friend's alive and that's all that matters, right?

Anyways. How this all connects to emotions and shit is this. Really, apart from his dream to become the Pirate King, his whole personality, his whole identity revolves around his people. His crew and his brothers. And sure, he seems like he's got it all together, most of the time- he's a bouncy cheerful idiot with way too much energy- but looking deeper into his personality, after reading all 1024 chapters of One Piece, it just seems...almost fake, to me, sometimes.

Of course, not all the time- at his core he really is cheerful, energetic, you know, all the things he acts like. But he's also traumatized. And he never shows it, like, ever, except for in a few specific situations where he has literally lost everyone he cares about, right in front of his eyes, and been helpless to stop it. By which I mean, Marineford and Sabaody.

Except really? He does show it more often than that. Really, anytime someone's trying to take his friends from him. He just shows it in a different way. He gets angry, really fucking angry. It's like a switch is flipped, and suddenly he's this almost completely different person. And it is terrifying. Especially more so when I think about it now? Because really, the whole thing adds up to what seems like this: he ignores his problems. He ignores his trauma. It simply does not exist, he does not remember or think about it, it is completely wiped from his memory. Until something triggers it; until he is forced to face the risk of losing someone he loves, again, and not being strong enough to stop it, again, and something in him just. Snaps.

Of course he acts like this with other things too, like when Mouji wrecked Chouchou's pet food shop and when Don Krieg tried to take over the Baratie and really the list goes on; but it's always felt different when it was one of Luffy's friends directly being harmed. And if you think about the other incidents, too; Luffy is also heavily influenced by dreams, and by personal treasures. And really, it all loops back to his trauma as well; Luffy knows how it feels to lose someone or something you dearly love. He knows exactly how painful the feeling of helplessness is when you aren't strong enough to protect it. And something in that, in watching other people try and fail to protect what they love, I can see how it would hurt him too. How it would dredge up his own trauma, which he purposely and/or subconsciously ignores, and how he would want to stop other people from going through the same thing when he had the power to step in.

Anyways it's, like, midnight right now and I wrote this in a half-asleep daze, so I probably forgot things or got a bunch wrong. I really like talking so this was more a brain dump than a thought-out discussion point. But I LOVE TO TALK so I would be so so so happy to talk with someone other than the void, if you think you're annoying then you're wrong, human interaction makes me happy all the time. Ok I'm going to bed now goodnight

#one piece #monkey d. luffy #midnight rambles #not art #one piece headcanons #??? #meta? is that what its called? #ok gonma stop thinking now #bfore i just delete this lol #hope this gave you as much pain as it gave me haha #bc i am crying rn #luffy needs Hugs #and also therapy #im not even gonna go ANYWHERE near marineford cause #that shit would add another ten paragraphs to my already lengthy rant #and i doubt anyone would appreciate that this late at night #least of all my own brain #might rant about it later tho #so look out for that ig #words

[rederiswrites]

I think umm...I think we really like to focus on recovering from trauma as a journey to feel safe again, to realize that our minds are overreacting and we can calm down sometimes. But that hasn't been my experience of trauma recovery really at all. I'd like to present a different journey. Not one that will work for everyone, but it might work better for you.

I learned in my childhood that the world is not safe, and not everyone can be trusted to have my best interests in mind. Recovery has not been a process of unlearning that. I am 40, have many loving relationships, and feel largely in control of my emotions, but not because I unlearned it. Because it was true.

The world is NOT safe. You CAN'T trust everyone. The things I experienced as a child were not only real, but ordinary. They weren't exceptional. They weren't evil or even really all that malicious. They were just damaged people doing damaged things. Not universal of course, but frankly mundane. The lessons I took away from that chronic lack of safety and control were correct.

I learned to be wary. To conceal my emotions and reactions from people I didn't trust, which was anyone who hadn't proved themselves already. To read people's intentions quickly and accurately. To avoid disappointment. By and large, those lessons have proved extremely useful. I had to learn to be happy as an adult, of course, which involved a certain amount of self sabotage along the way, but I got there. I am aware that my experience is not universal. I'm taking about it because it's underrepresented.

My path to recovery was becoming a person who can deal with a world that hurts. I survived, I stood up, I got out. I became stronger than him, and stronger than the circumstances I'd been trapped in. I built a life he had no power over. And eventually, I looked him in the face after decades of separation and I was stronger than him. I knew it and he knew it. He wouldn't have been abusive if he was actually strong.

Life is not "safe", none of us has plot armor, none of us is the protagonist. Bad things happen all the time. My uncle had a stroke last week and his left side is currently paralyzed. My best friend fell down the stairs the other day and is going to be on crutches in a boot for weeks. Another friend is realizing at 36 that her entire life till now has been what she thought she was supposed to do and not what she wanted. She's getting a divorce after almost two decades of marriage, and trying to figure out how to support herself with major health problems and a decades old degree. She's terrified. All my doctors' appointments this year seem to be leading to at least three separate major diagnoses, and I spend most of my time now unable to "chase my dreams". Bad things happen all the time.

But I've survived the ones I faced before with style, and I'll get through these things and help everyone else while I'm at it. I know because it's TRUE, because I've LIVED it. And that's what I want for you all.

I hate platitudes. I hate "affirmations". I'm not interested in blowing smoke up your asses. I get the twitches when I hear, "it's ok". When I hear, "everything will be fine." Fuck. We don't need to lie to ourselves! My strength won't fail me in the middle of the night because it's not based on my ability to cling to pretty stories. It's based on the times I stared my problems in the face and made them feel bad about themselves. Basing your feelings of personal safety on clinging to the illusion that nothing bad will happen just means that it'll fall apart every time something bad happens!

You got through all the shit that's happened to you so far. Learn what there is to learn from that. The longer you do this, the better you can get at it. The next bad thing will have to be much worse than the things you've already survived if it wants to take you down. THAT, you can believe in.

#abuse cw

[goodnightmemes]

DEXTER SEASON ONE SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ You're mine now, so do exactly as I say. ❜

❛ Open your eyes and look at what you did! ❜

❛ I'm a very neat monster. ❜

❛ Pretty fucking please with cheese on top. ❜

❛ You have a morbid sense of fun. ❜

❛ What happened changed something inside you. ❜

❛ If God is in the details, and if I believed in God, then he's in this room with me. ❜

❛ I can kill a man, dismember his body, and be home in time for "Letterman." But knowing what to say when my girlfriend's feeling insecure...I'm totally lost. ❜

❛ Neither you nor I is in complete control of our destinies. ❜

❛ There are no secrets in life, just hidden truths that lie beneath the surface. ❜

❛ Keeping my face pinched in sorrow for two hours straight is a real chore. ❜

❛ A whole life reduced to ashes. ❜

❛ I can't help it. I kill things. ❜

❛ When you take a man's life, you're not just killing him, you're snuffing out all the things he'll ever become. ❜

❛ Killing must serve a purpose. Otherwise it's murder. ❜

❛ You don't play by the rules. Why should I? ❜

❛ If I had a heart, it might be breaking right now. ❜

❛ I'm all for sending the message, but this ain't the way. ❜

❛ Scream and lose a tongue. ❜

❛ Death isn't the end. It's the beginning of a chain reaction that will catch you if you're not careful. ❜

❛ If I let someone get that close, they'd see who I really am, and I can't let that happen. ❜

❛ I like it here with you. You're the only person people hate more than me. ❜

❛ Sometimes, I'm not sure where _____'s vision of me ends and the real me starts. ❜

❛ Everyone hides who they are at least some of the time. ❜

❛ So I'm neither man nor beast. I'm something new entirely, with my own set of rules. ❜

❛ Stop grinning like a fucking psycho and get back to work. ❜

❛ Freedom's just another word for one more way to get fucked. ❜

❛ Maybe you should just learn the basics before you reinvent the damn wheel. ❜

❛ The problem with acting normal is normal people get into stupid situations like this. ❜

❛ Maybe if I don't blink, my eyes will tear up. ❜

❛ Under normal circumstances, I'd take that as a compliment. ❜

❛ Keeping the truth from the people closest to you is how you'll survive, and how you'll protect them if anything goes wrong. ❜

❛ Every time something goes a little bit right, something like this happens. ❜

❛ God, I feel like I need a shower just looking at this douche bag. ❜

❛ ____ will forgive me eventually. That's who she is - bighearted, kind, nothing like me. ❜

❛ The only sound I hear, the only sound in the entire world...is my heart beating. ❜

❛ I swear, after this case, I'm submitting your ass for psychiatric evaluation. ❜

❛ We hit the motherfucking mother lode. ❜

❛ When did you first notice it? This darkness inside the guy you fell for. ❜

❛ God, this is such a mess, and I've dragged you into it. ❜

❛ Just let me grab my heart up off the fucking floor. ❜

❛ Goddamn, you are fine when you're mad. ❜

❛ Fascination with serial killers is an American pastime. ❜

❛ All the expectations I had, all the promises of greatness, wiped out. ❜

❛ My circle of friends is down to one. ❜

❛ Don't kill anyone who doesn't deserve to die. ❜

❛ I'm empty...but I found a way to make it feel less bottomless. ❜

❛ You pretend the feelings are there for the world, and for the people around you. Who knows? Maybe one day they will be. ❜

❛ I always prided myself on being an outsider, but now, I feel the need to connect with someone. ❜

❛ Why do bloodstains always look like crustaceans to you? ❜

❛ To some people, death makes perfect sense. Life - now, that's the puzzle. ❜

❛ This is the only way I know how to keep you out of an electric chair. ❜

❛ It feels like... I hate saying this. It sounds so fucking cheesy. It feels like making love. ❜

❛ I do have another motive. It's called a paycheck. ❜

❛ For the first time in a long while, I saw how easy it would be for me to fall back into my old life. ❜

❛ I guess this matters to me. So if I talk about it and it goes away, I'm actually losing something. ❜

❛ There must have been a time in your life when you felt powerless. ❜

❛ I'm gonna tell you something that I've never told anyone before. I'm a serial killer. ❜

❛ You're awake. Shall we analyze your dreams? ❜

❛ Trauma can distort the memory. ❜

❛ Well, thanks for the vote of fucking confidence. ❜

❛ Death is the great unifier. ❜

❛ My fingerprints were all over it. I figured it was prudent to get rid of the evidence. ❜

❛ I know I should be sorry that we met under these circumstances, but truthfully, I think it was the best way to get to know you. ❜

❛ My concrete foundation is turning to shifting sand. ❜

❛ Something finally got to you. I guess you're human after all. ❜

❛ You can talk to me, you know? Just got to open your mouth and move it. ❜

❛ I can always see other people's problems more clearly than my own. ❜

❛ What'd the freak do this time, boil your goldfish? ❜

❛ Thanks, but unless you know an expert in repressed memories… ❜

❛ You are all the family that I have, and I barely know you. ❜

❛ How often does someone get a chance to help catch a bad guy, huh? ❜

❛ You've been a problem. It's time for you to go away. ❜

❛ So, this is doom. I've been the architect of so much of it. It's only fair I should know what all the fuss is all about. ❜

❛ Don't you dare! Not in front of my baby! ❜

❛ Close your eyes, _____. ❜

❛ I've never had much use for the concept of hell, but if hell exists, I'm in it. ❜

❛ It climbed inside me that day, and it's been with me ever since -- My dark passenger.

❛ Don't struggle. That never helps. ❜

❛ I'm compressing your carotid artery, and that is cutting off oxygen to your brain. In about 10 seconds, you'll be unconscious. ❜

❛ Does that make you feel anything? Anything at all? ❜

❛ If I'd have known that this would get you back in the same room with me, I would have gotten stabbed sooner. ❜

❛ I put myself out there. I set myself up to get hurt. ❜

❛ No wonder I felt so disconnected my entire life. If I did have emotions, I'd have to feel...this. ❜

❛ You're not a parent. You don't understand. You do anything to protect your kids. ❜

❛ It's who you know and who you blow. ❜

❛ If you came for an apology, you wasted a tank of gas. ❜

❛ I mean, a real hour, not one of your "let's stretch this out till 2:00 a.m. you might as well stay and have sex" hours. ❜

❛ I don't often make mistakes, but when I do, they haunt me. ❜

❛ So desperate to fall in love. ❜

�� I've lived in darkness a long time. Over the years, my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. ❜

❛ Surprise, motherfucker. ❜

❛ Spin me a story, asshole. ❜

❛ This is not the way I envisioned our family reunion. ❜

❛ You don't ever have to apologize to me. Not for who you are or anything you do. ❜

❛ Imagine how I felt when I tracked you down and found out you were exactly like me. ❜

❛ You can be yourself with me. Your real, genuine self. ❜

❛ You can't be a killer and a hero. It doesn't work that way! ❜

❛ I was so scared. I was so scared. ❜

❛ What am I, one of your victims now? ❜

❛ You should know this isn't easy for me. ❜

❛ You're the only one I ever wanted to set free. ❜

❛ Sorry. I can't hear any more...'cause you're right. ❜

❛ My devil danced with his demon, and the fiddler's tune isn't over. ❜

❛ I wonder what it would be like for everything inside me that's denied and unknown to be revealed. ❜

❛ This is what it must feel like to walk in full sunlight, my darkness revealed, my shadow self embraced. ❜

#rp meme #sentence starters #rp memes #rp sentence meme #ask meme #*mine #*tv #*dexter

[nochiquinn]

four-sided dive episode 1: fuck a banana peel

dani!!

"yellow like chetney's teeth"

kavern teeper

it's my speech impediment's worst nightmare

oh it's a bop

"do old people drink prune juice? no. old people do."

"COOK grape nuts??"

"pfft, bertrand bell. ....unless??"

"HOPEFULLY he wakes up"

roll to survive the night

The Longest Rest

okay scanlan

IMMORTAL GNOME

"so robbie" "OH NO"

the moral of dorian's story is never leave home

"I wouldn't have squashed them. I'd have used them against you."

I need this set to have a sofa

"this is a guy I wrote about for pretend and now he's here!"

"what do we do now? we're BOTH morons!"

dorian added to cyrus' bounty for emotional trauma

"I used the black card 'cause I was gonna get murdered!"

evil dorian au where's the art

"that explains the nice boots"

his inner akechi

the fireplace behind marisha is giving me residual anxiety from That One Live

it's not even real

"are you sure it was a dream?"

oh now we're giving travis anxiety

"I wanna be SPOOKY for campaign 3"

vex double confirm

Ziggaraut Blast, new mountain dew flavor

this puts a new angle on marisha and laura shittalking their own c1 characters

"I heard she's a BITCH"

(or were they talking about keyleth) (I'm not going through all my liveblogs to check)

The Keyleth

does werthers do the fruit swirl ones bc those are okay

"there wasn't a lot to do in the 50s"

werthers nanobots

that's a soundbite now

wethersnanobots.mp3

sagas of sundry ptsd

"believe in the me that believes in me"

"are these painted together"

okay LIAM

(speaking of my sagas ptsd)

oh that's a nice littel graphic

isn't it still webelos? I don't know enough about boy scouts to confirm

a 4th grader with travis' attention span

Peak Weird

"if MARISHA does something weird no one can clock me"

laudna: I am thou, thou art I

dariax truly is No Thoughts Head Empty

No Thoughts Head Empty as therapy

oh I can maybe relate to the lying thing

don't tell my friends

"can you put all of this on her tab"

oh custom tankards!

"be honest - are you too young to get Flight of the Navigator references"

PFFT he saw the dick out memes

"he lived! and he boned liev'tel!"

I hope they make sam pull out of his scanlan tankard

"always take a spa day" be selective with your spa

dickoutery

"LOOK AT DANI"

"I'm not on camera right now!" bring back danicam

ROBBIE you BITCH

FLOOF

can't believe robbie refused to answer omar, so rude

"I've loved werewolves since I was tiny" really I don't think we ever could have told that about you travis

that's fucking adorable

baby travis is why crayola markers are washable by default now

"this is my werewolf! :D"

"you can say chetney"

djfslk robbie's pops

"she needs a dead thing"

"when taliesin dresses you for renfaire - and he always does - you need more dead things hanging off of you"

this does not surprise me in the least

bribing this boy with so many treats

the subs just called taliesin "allison"

"you eating questions??"

chetney's class is Werewolf

that's how you become liam

"I want to get into the higher levels of blood hunter because...somebody needs to do it."

chetney writes paranormal romance and we all know it

where the sidewalk ends!

Dorian Doodles

howdoyouwannadothises

liam's done the dramatic flavor always

travis doing the wall of fire hand slide

it was iconic okay

"was it liam being extra or something you could do" both

"all the characters just get fuckin weirder"

"I never played before :D"

"I know what three buttons do"

I don't know who's playing walugi but I'm automatically rooting for them

oh MATT is playing waluigi

you are also a man of taste

.....of COURSE he's playing waluigi, I can't put the picture but YOU KNOW WHICH PICTURE

"DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES"

"this was the moment?" "YEAH"

my kid kicks my ass at mariokart. and most other video games.

"I'm TRYING to win mariokart but I'm dummy thicc and the clap of my asscheeks isn't aerodynamic"

Big Hands Little Controller is a Problem

ohhh my bananas

"good thing nobody games on twitch"

"how do I commit seppuku in mariokart"

"waluigi deserves it" take it back

"you insulted her by calling her her name?!"

"FUCK A BANANA PEEL"

crying at matt's fall from grace

"touch them, they're helpers! :D"

"I got a real dry bowser"

"can't underestimate the worst mariokart player ever"

The Sweeper

"I'm never coming back on this show again"

I've been your travis willingham

OF COURSE SAM DID A SONG

omar is Helping

why did the plushie just jumpscare me

#critical role #four-sided dive #spoilers #crititag #liveblog #reaction post

[thewhitejournal]

“Just One More Night” Part Four

Aaron Hotchner x Female!Reader Series

hi guys! i’m really sorry about the long wait, but i hope you like this chapter! and i know it sounds like the end of the series at the end but i promise it’s not! just figured (Y/N) needed some fluff after all she’s been through. enjoy! :)

content warnings: smut, cursing, revisited trauma (rape, physical/mental wounds)

jomn masterlist

thewhitejournal’s masterlist

-

Your eyes snapped open. You sat up in bed, your body and the sheets around you soaked in sweat. You could finally breathe again, gasping for air. The phantom feeling of the unsub’s hands around your throat faded away with every second you were awake. Your hands felt around your throat; it felt so real, you were afraid you’d see bruises in the shape of hands if you looked in the mirror.

Two months had gone by, and almost every night, you had the same nightmare. Or at least some version of it. It was you and the unsub, and this time, he’d actually had the time he wanted with no interruptions from the FBI. He cut you up even more than he had in real life, making you lose almost enough blood to kill you. He even got to fuck you, and it felt all too real. But every time you woke up in the middle of the night, you had to remind yourself it wasn’t, and that you were okay. Healing, both physically and mentally. But you never had to remind yourself alone if Aaron Hotchner had anything to say about it.

You’d started your apprenticeship not long after your discharge from the hospital, under the wonderful woman you now know as Jennifer Jareau, or JJ. She, along with the rest of the BAU, quickly became your closest friends. Everything was going so smoothly - other than everything inside your own mind. So when Aaron inevitably picked up on your distress with his expert profiling skills, there was no stopping him from being at your side whenever he could. Not that it took much convincing on your end. Which means he was at your side this very moment.

He wrapped his strong arms around your waist, pulling your back flush to his chest. “It’s okay, (Y/N).”, he whispered in your ear. He gently rubbed your arm, trying to comfort you and calm your racing heart rate. You sighed, closing your eyes and relaxing against him, letting him wrap you up in his arms. Just his presence made you calm down. He placed a gentle kiss right in the crook where your neck and your shoulder meet, trailing them down the skin on your back that your tank top didn’t cover.

“Do you want to talk about it, honey?”, he muttered, his thumb rubbing back and forth on your arm. You exhaled again, snuggling up to him and pulling his arms tighter to you.

“Not really. It was just about the same as it always is.”, you lied, a tear sliding out of your right eye and onto the pillow.

“Is there anything I can do?”, he whispered in your ear, kissing your neck. Tonight, the dream was one of the rarer ones: the sex. Those dreams didn’t happen often, but when they did, they were the worst ones. You could feel every slimy kiss, his clammy hands all over your body, even his dick inside you. Why did your imagination have to be so vivid? Was there anything Aaron could do to help you feel better?

Suddenly, it hit you. You turned over, still in his arms, and cradled his cheek in your hand. He searched your face with a worried look, likely about to ask what was wrong, before you cut him off with a kiss. You could tell he was surprised at first, but he quickly relaxed, kissing you back, softly at first. He would always tread carefully when he knew you were vulnerable; he never wanted to take advantage of your foggy emotional state. Aaron made sure you always wanted anything he did. He never continued without your consent, which you loved and appreciated, of course. But tonight, you just needed him, without any words.

“(Y/N), your head's not clear right now…”, he trailed off as your hands started fumbling with his pajama pants’ string under the blanket. He gasped as you slid a hand into his boxers, palming his cock that was already starting to get hard. The feeling of him in your hands at his most vulnerable and the thought that he got this hard just because of you started to turn you on, too.

“Aaron, I’ve never been more sure about what I want.”, you whispered into his ear as you started lightly stroking him. He let out a shaky breath, followed by a moan. Suddenly he grabbed your hand, pulling it off his dick and out of his pants. You were concerned you’d done something wrong at first, until he climbed on top of you. He kissed your lips, being as gentle as he could. His long fingers tangled in your hair, and your hands fisted in his.

“Do you want me to go slow?”, he whispered after pulling away from you, looking into your eyes. The street light outside faintly illuminated the room, and you could barely make out his features. His eyes flickered all over your face, pupils dilated, and not just from being in the dark. You thought about your answer to his question, which didn’t take long.

“I need you, Aaron. Right now.” You kissed him roughly, moaning against his lips. He reciprocated, not one to question your enthusiasm. He broke the kiss just long enough to pull your tank top over your head and toss it into the floor. He made quick removal of his pants. Then, his soft lips trailed kisses down your neck, down in between your breasts. The skin started scarring already, but he knew it was still sore, so he was more gentle. His lips felt like the flaps of butterfly wings across your scars, hoping he could remind you how beautiful you are to him and how much he loves you. He succeeded.

His lips continued their journey further south, wandering hands finding their place in the waistbands of your shorts and panties. He hooked his fingers in them to pull them down, but not before looking up at you and into your eyes. You gave him a hurried nod. He smirked, almost ripping them off your body.

“Tonight…”, he trailed off, placing a kiss on your inner thighs in between each of his words, “is…all…about…you, baby.” You bit your lip so hard you feared it may bleed, but you didn’t care. “Soaking wet already, are we, (Y/N)?” The butterflies in your stomach roared, your pussy aching for his touch. Aaron’s lips made haste attaching themselves to your clit, his tongue working the magic you knew he had in him. Your eyes rolled back into your head, a gasp-turned-moan escaping your lips. You felt him smile against you; he knew full well his effect on you. Again, not that you cared.

Slowly, he entered one finger inside you, then two, curling them and fucking you with them. “Fuck, Aaron…” That was all you could manage. One of your hands fisted in his hair, the other in your sheets. The hand Aaron wasn’t using to fuck you snaked it’s way up your chest, fingers twisting and pinching your nipple, all while massaging your breast. You couldn’t help it; you pulled his hair, earning a deep and guttural moan from him, sending vibrations through your core. “Aaron…I’m gonna, oh god, fuck…” His pace never wavered, and your sentence turned into a string of curses and unintelligible words. Seconds later, he sent you over the edge, knowing to start slowing down when he felt you contracting around his fingers.

He pulled them out, and immediately you missed the feeling, so much so that you let out a small whine. Through hooded eyes, you watched him lick his fingers clean, a moan slipping from his lips. He crawled back up to you, kissing your lips passionately. You could taste yourself on his tongue, and feel his hard-on grazing your inner thigh. Instinctively, you ground your hips on him, and he bucked right against you. He nearly growled against your lips; the sound of Aaron’s moans and his dick being so close to your pussy turned you back on.

You pushed him so that he sat up, crawling onto his lap and latching your lips to his. His fingers snaked up your neck and to the back of your head, pulling your hair with just the right force. Your eyes got lost in your head as he bit your neck and kissed it so hard, it felt like he could’ve ripped your skin off. This was the side of Aaron you rarely saw these days, but when he came out, you loved every second. “Are you ready for me to fuck you, (Y/N)?”, he asked you in a low, husky voice right in your ear.

“Aaron, god, please…”, you breathed out, burying your face in the crook of his neck.Your chests were pressed against each other; you could feel his heavy breathing and sweat as if it were your own. When he got rough like this, usually he’d make you beg, but he had one common thought: you and your pleasure. This was about you, after all. Then again, it always was for him.

He positioned himself so he could fuck you, and you settled yourself on top of his dick, reveling in the full feeling he always gave you. Quickly, it became the two of you merging into one person. His hips snapped against your ass, and you rode him like you needed to do it to live. You were both gasping for air, pleasure overtaking the both of you. Your nails raked down Aaron’s back, his fingers gripping your waist and his forehead resting on your shoulder. The knot in your stomach grew tighter with each second, until you started seeing spots and shockwaves flooded throughout your body. Aaron must’ve came around the same time, because you could feel him twitching inside of you, your body pulsing around him.

The only sounds left in the room were the sounds of your heavy breathing, and the rain that you didn’t hear start falling, pattering against the window. He kissed you softly, slowing pulling out of you. You two just laid there for a moment, coming down from your highs and kissing each other slowly and sensually. You started falling asleep on his chest, until he kissed your forehead and said he was going to get a wet towel to clean the both of you up. You smiled weakly, trying to stay awake until he got back.

-

The morning sun softly coming in through the blinds woke you up, yours and Aaron’s legs tangled under the comforter. Your bare back was pressed against his chest; you could feel his chest rising and falling at a peaceful rate against you. His arm was draped over your waist lazily. You wished you could stop time, only so you could be here forever. You sighed with content, snuggling into him. His slow and steady breath waved over the back of your neck, almost lulling you back to sleep. You closed your eyes again, relaxing your body into his. What felt like only a few minutes later, the alarm on his phone started going off.

He groaned, quickly removing his arm from your waist, shutting it off, then returned his arm around you. He pulled you back against him, sighing. You relaxed against him, thankful for the sleep without nightmares. Being next to him seemed to be the best treatment to scare away the memories.

Aaron must’ve only snoozed the alarm, because minutes later, it went off again. He mumbled a quiet string of curse words as he turned over and silenced the alarm, snuggling back into you.

“Aaron.”, you whispered. He gave no verbal response, just hummed inquisitively.

“Isn’t it Saturday?”, you asked him. He sighed, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck.

“Mmhmm.” His arms tightened around your waist.

“Then why the hell do you have an alarm set?”, you asked, a smirk on your face. He chuckled deeply, the vibrations from his laugh shaking against your skin.

“So I can keep a sleep schedule. And I’m seeing Jack today, too.”

“A sleep schedule? Yeah, that makes sense.”

Silence fell again over the two of you; you could hear his breaths slowing down as he drifted into a light sleep. You closed your eyes, knowing full well you could go back to sleep too, and stay in bed with him all day. Most days, that’s what you did. But Aaron needed to get up this morning, so you figured, how best to get him up other than to offer him a proposition?

You turned around, still entrapped in his arms. He groaned, no longer snuggling right against you. “Aaron.”, you whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek, then trailing until you got to the base of his neck. A small moan slipped from his lips.

“(Y/N), you’re playing a dangerous game so early in the morning.” His husky morning voice played in your ears like sweet music. You continued your work on his neck, trying to leave marks that could be covered with a t-shirt. Or at least with a little of your concealer. You chuckled at his words.

“I know, Aaron. Listen, we both need a shower after our...long night.” He chuckled deeply in your ear, pulling you close to him and nibbling on your neck. You giggled, pushing him back. “So…”, you trailed off, tracing a finger down his bare chest. “Why don’t we save some water and…” You looked up and into his eyes. They flickered around your face, lust showing in his eyes and his tongue wetting his lips.

“You know I could never turn you down, (Y/N).”, he says in a low, sultry voice, softly kissing your neck. You held back a moan, biting your lip. You grabbed his hand, pulling him out of bed and to the bathroom. He chuckled deeply, mumbling something about how eager you were. But you were so overtaken with the want for Aaron Hotchner that it was hard to focus on anything other than getting to the bathroom without tripping over something.

Thankfully, the bathroom was only a few paces away. You swung the door open, attacking Aaron’s lips as soon as you stepped foot in the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. His hands rested on your waist, but suddenly they slid down to your thighs and lifted you up to sit on the sink. Aaron’s lips never left yours. The quick motion made you gasp against his lips, the cold countertop sending prickling goosebumps all over your body. He smiled coyly, his big and strong hands wandering every inch of your body.

Admittedly, this was the behavior of teenagers, ones that had the house to themselves for the weekend. You didn’t care though, and you were pretty sure Aaron didn’t either. As long as he met his son on time.

A moan slipped from your lips as his trailed down your neck, softly kissing the hickeys that were forming on your chest from the night before. “Fuck, Aaron…”, you muttered, wrapping your legs around his waist instinctively and pulling his chest flush to yours. He inhaled sharply at your quick movement, his fingers tangling in your hair. Those brown eyes you knew all too well flickered over your face.

“What’s wrong?”, you whispered, your brows forming a small crease in your forehead. He smiled, lifting your knuckle to his lips and placing kisses all over your fingers, eyes never breaking contact.

“I love you, (Y/N).”, he whispered against your hand. You smiled a big, cheesy smile and pecked his lips.

“I love you more, Aaron.” The two of you lingered in the moment, taking each other in with soft, sweet kisses. Moments like this were hard to come by; the two of you rarely had any chance to be completely alone. What with working, traveling, late nights at the office and Aaron having to attend court hearings for the divorce, it seemed like there was never any time to just be. Except for these few minutes.

“We can shower together...but we have to actually shower, (Y/N/N).” You gave each other a knowing smile, yours more sly than his, and he helped you down from the counter, but not without placing one last long kiss to your lips before turning the water on.

~

“I don’t know, Aaron…”, you trailed off, picking at the cuticles on your nails. The smell of coffee wafted through the air, the pot almost done brewing. The second pan-full of bacon was sizzling on the stove beside you. He sighed, pouring cream in one mug for you and leaving his mug empty. He returned the creamer to the fridge.

“He would love you, (Y/N).”, he retorted. You shook your head to yourself, biting the inside of your cheek. You tore your eyes from the floor, trailing up Aaron’s body until you got to his eyes. Those jeans fit him perfectly, black t-shirt hugging the muscles on his arms like it was tailor made for him. You looked up at him finally, to find he was already gazing upon you. He had his elbows propped up on the counter, keeping a vigilant eye on you, with his gaze flickering to the bacon every now and then.

“It’s not Jack I’m worried about.”, you muttered. Haley made it clear every chance she got that she hated your guts. You didn’t really know why; all you knew is that there was no way to change her mind. She wanted nothing to do with you, which certainly meant she wanted you nowhere near her son. She couldn’t control what Aaron did anymore, but if she could keep her other boy away from you, then damned if she didn’t try her hardest.

“(Y/N), I told you not to worry about her. She won’t shit talk you to my son and certainly not to me. He knows whatever she’s told him isn’t true. I fill his ear with enough of how wonderful you are for him to know she’s lying.” Your heart jumped at his words. You knew he meant every one of them.

“I still don’t want to piss her off, Aaron. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries.” Your eyes fell from his again, hitting the floor. He closed the small three steps between the two of you, taking your face in his hands.

“(Y/N). She won’t be a problem, I promise. He’s my son, too.” You just nodded, afraid if you spoke, you’d cry. You’d never met anyone as kind to you as Aaron Hotchner. He leaned forward, leaving only centimeters between your lips. You closed the gap, entrapping your lips with his. You placed your hands on top of his, lacing your fingers together with his.

He pulled back suddenly, turning in a quick motion to flip the bacon. You chuckled. He laughed in return. You watched his body shake with the laughter, wracking your brain as to how you ever got so lucky with him. He turned back to face you, a huge smile on his face. He drifted back over to you, lazily wrapping his arms around your waist. You smiled at him, kissing his lips again.

“So you don’t want me to go home while Jack comes over?”, you said in a low voice, your arms snaking up his chest and your fingers intertwining behind his neck. He snickered, kissing your forehead.

“As far as I’m concerned, (Y/N), this is your home. Come here.”, he whispered at the end, one of his huge hands cradling your cheek and pulling your lips to meet his. You melted into his arms and into the kiss, as you usually do. A knocking at the door made the two of you jump apart, and then you shared a laugh.

“Must be Jack.”, Aaron said to you with a smile, grabbing your hand and pulling you to the door with him. You smiled as he pulled your arm like an excited kid. Glancing in the peephole and confirming it’s who he thought it was, he swung the door open and fell to his knees to scoop up Jack in his arms. You stood behind him, smiling. You looked up, seeing Haley in the doorway. Your smile faded and your stomach dropped.

“(Y/N).”, she said to you flatly, arms crossed over her chest. You gave her a small smile and nodded in acknowledgment. You wanted to be the nice guy as much as possible. Haley’s gaze softened as she said a quick goodbye to Jack, and told Aaron she’d pick him up next week.

Once the door was shut and Jack’s things were sat down next to the door, it was time for your introduction. Jack seemed more focused on the smell of bacon though.

“Daddy, are you making pancakes, too?”, he inquired, looking up at his dad with big brown eyes. Wow, the same exact color as Aaron’s.

Aaron looked over at you, then back down to his son. “I hadn’t thought of it, but that sounds like a great idea. But there’s someone that wants to meet you, Jack.” You got down to his level, a soft smile on your face.

“Sorry, daddy.”, he said in a small voice, turning to face you. “Are you (Y/N)?”, he asked you.

“I am! It’s so good to meet you, Jack. I’ve heard a lot about you.” You stuck your hand out to shake his, and he shook it. Such good manners; not that you’d expect anything less from Aaron Hotchner’s son.

“Wow, you are really pretty, Miss (Y/N).”, he smiled, suddenly throwing himself into your arms. You were taken aback at first, but you wrapped the boy in a hug. “Thanks for making my daddy happy. He always smiles real big when he talks about you.”, Jack not-so-quietly whispered in your ear. Your chest warmed. You looked up at Aaron, knowing full well he heard his son. Blush crept up his neck and to his cheeks, and he shrugged, smiling.

“Anytime, bud. He makes me happy, too.” You gave him a small squeeze, and then he turned to his dad, raising his arms in a ‘pick me up’ motion. Aaron smiled, scooping him up.

“So, chocolate chips in the pancakes, G-man?”, Aaron asked, carrying his son to the kitchen. You followed suit, the biggest smile ever gracing your lips. You could get used to this.

-

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#fanfic #fanfiction #literature #romance #original story #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds oneshot #david rossi #thomas gibson x reader #thomas gibson #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch imagine #hotch x reader #hotch x you #hotch x y/n #agent hotchner #hotch fanfiction #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #spencer reid #derek morgan #emily prentiss #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds smut

[maulusque]

WHAT IF MAUL KIDNAPPED ANAKIN RIGHT OFF OF TATOOINE

(I started writing this and then it got out of hand and now it’s 3:30 in the morning, rest of it’s under the break so i don’t monopolize your dash)

So for whatever combination of reasons, Maul spits out the kool-aid and gets really disenchanted with Sidious a lot earlier than in canon. He starts wondering things like “why is he not telling me his master plan if i’m so important to it?” and “why do i get nothing more than vague promises of power sometime in the future, when i should be guaranteed a position as his second-in-command, after all I’ve done for this guy?” and “why does he treat me like i’m disposable, and then constantly tell me i’m crucial for his plans?”

and he starts thinking things like “hey wait a minute, none of that childhood torture made me better at anything sith-related, it just gave me crippling trauma that actually impairs my capacity for self-control and incredible violence” and (possibly due to his experiences at Orsis Academy) “oh whack looks like kids learn a lot better and faster when they’re, like, having fun? Whatever ‘fun’ is?”

and anyway by the time he gets to tatooine with orders to “find that stoner jedi and kick his ass”, Maul is pretty annoyed at his master. And when he senses not one, not two, but THREE powerful force-presences on Tatooine, one of which vastly eclipses any other force presence he’s ever felt, and belongs to a nine-year-old slave boy, Maul gets an idea. You know, (he thinks), his master sure would love to get his hands on a force-baby like that. Master Sidious sure would be evilly thrilled to have an extremely powerful nine-year-old delivered directly to his doorstep on coruscant, with the jedi having to do all the heavy lifting of training the kid. Master Sidious would probably want nothing more than to have this kid be taken in by the Jedi, so he can start grooming a new apprentice. 

And Maul, full of spite and an as-yet-undiscovered need to adopt every force-sensitive in sight, decides to deprive Sidious of a potential apprentice. He follows Anakin to Naboo (in this universe, Anakin still wins the podrace, still wins his own freedom), and, after the fighting is over, sees a prime window of opportunity, and kidnaps Anakin right out from under the Jedi’s nose. 

(In this universe, Obi-Wan does not cut Darth Maul in half and dump him down the garbage chute- Maul, unwilling to do his master’s bidding any longer, doesn’t go full out against Qui-Gon, doesn’t kill him, and Obi-Wan doesn’t get that grief-and-rage filled boost that helped him dismember Maul last time. The fight ends, the Jedi are convinced that Maul is dead, and Naboo is freed).

Once Maul has the kid, since he’s a pragmatic guy, he also returns to Tatooine and takes the kid’s mom. Maul doesn’t know how to cook, do laundry, tie shoes, or any of that shit. He doesn’t want to have to PARENT the kid, he just wants to train him. 

Maul has zero money, and also zero subtlety, so he stomps into Watto’s shop, grabs him by the neck, and says “The boy's mother is coming with me. You will disable her slave chip and let her leave unharmed, or I will squeeze your head off.” Watto complies. For Anakin, this is his first real impression of Maul- storming the junk shop and threatening his former master for the freedom of Anakin’s mother.

Maul is determined to do a better job training Anakin than Sidious did training Maul. Because FUCK Sidious. Maul can be a WAY better Sith than Sidious ever allowed him to be. And since Maul is slowly realizing how... unhelpful... the way he was raised was, he’s determined to figure out how to do it better.

So he reads. He reads training manuals, child psychology books, teaching books, studies on motivation and performance, anything he can get his nerdy little hands on. He learns that frightened children don’t perform well. He learns about “trauma”, and how “trauma” makes it hard to control your emotions sometimes. Well, you can’t have THAT in your ultimate sith apprentice. Okay, so no scaring Anakin and no traumatizing him. Maul quickly realizes that literally everything he does frightens Anakin or his mom, and frightening Anakin’s mom also frightens Anakin (cut him some slack, he’s literally never been in a positive relationship, Maul has no model for any behavior other than “evil abuser” and “subservient slave”).

Maul is not an idiot. He knows he’s not doing it right. He’s reluctant to start teaching Anakin ANYTHING until he knows he won’t accidentally damage his precious spite-apprentice. So he mostly ignores the kid while he reads and learns.

He also observes. Specifically, he observes Shmi Skywalker. Somehow, she seems to be able to interact with Anakin without scaring him. She can even tell him what to do without scaring him. She can teach and correct him without scaring him. And she never physically hurts him at all. Maul is kind of blown away- he didn’t even know it was possible to interact with people like that? HOW does she DO it???

So Maul watches and learns. He practices. Shmi helps, guides him, tells him when he messes up and tells him how to do it better. Maul gets a lot better at restraining his murderous urges. Turns out, if you immediately kill everyone who annoys you, it’s hard to ask them for advice after. The other person Maul gets pointers from is C3PO, the protocol droid the kid dragged along. Maul understands 3PO better than he understands Shmi and Anakin. 3PO is a droid. Maul was raised by a droid. Maul knows how to talk with 3PO, whereas talking with Shmi or Anakin feels like wandering around in a fog full of landmines.

So anyway, Maul and 3PO become unlikely friends, and, as Maul, determined to out-parent Sidious in every conceivable way, learns more and more social skills, emotional intelligence, and interpersonal skills, he truly comprehends how fucked up his own childhood was. There’s rage. There’s grief. There’s murderous desire for vengeance. But there’s also Anakin. Who would be scared if Maul smashed the ship or killed random people to vent his anger. Anakin, who needs something called a “positive role model”, who needs to be taught how to use the Force, and who needs the adults around him to have their shit together. There’s also Shmi, who makes him soup and hot chocolate when he’s feeling bad, and tells him off for breaking things, and who helps him get better at being a real person, and who doesn’t seem to want anything from him other than a general expectation of not hurting her or her son. So Maul deals. He grows. He heals, slowly. There’s setbacks, and gains. And somewhere in there, he starts teaching Anakin how to use the Force.

The problem is, Maul learned to access the Force first through fear and anger. Turns out, it’s really hard to teach someone fundamentals of force usage via fear and anger without first having to traumatize them. So right away, Maul hits a barrier. He doesn’t have any clue how to teach Anakin a different way though. He needs help.

But also, FUCK the jedi. NO WAY is Maul asking the Jedi for help, he hates the Jedi. Maul is still a Sith, he’s just a new, better kind of Sith, the kind that trains apprentices who are gonna kick WAY MORE ASS and be HEALTHY WELL-ADJUSTED PEOPLE while doing it (let him dream, ok?). So Maul starts hauling Shmi and Anakin around the galaxy, seeking out any non-Jedi Force-users they can, to learn Force techniques that the Sith didn’t teach Maul.

They spend time with the Guardians on Jedha, with those weird duck-people from that one episode with Jar-Jar’s girlfriend, with some wacky monks on a tiny island in the ass-end of nowhere, and even some time with a long-lost sith cult in a box system in the middle of the Unknown Regions. Maul learns. Anakin learns. Maul uses what he learns from the other force-users, combines it with what he knows, and teaches Anakin even more. The Jedi and the Sith are really the only two groups who really use the force for Big Impressive Things, like telekinesis and lightning and whatnot, so while the other force groups would have a lot to teach them both, they wouldn’t really be able to teach Anakin how to levitate something. And you can’t be the kick-assiest, bestest Sith Apprentice Ever if you can’t levitate shit. So Maul takes takes all these new techniques, like “being calm and chill when you meditate instead of super pissed off” and “using the Force while not being filled with incredible rage” and “mindfulness techniques” and “who knew you could do cool stuff like floating rocks without having to exhaust yourself by hating everything in existence, including yourself” and applies them to the skills and methods he already has. He and Anakin have to do a lot of fumbling and exploring and mistake-making, but they figure it out. And Anakin learns. And he kicks ass.

When Anakin is 11, Maul hauls him off to Ach-To to dig a crystal out of the roots of an ancient tree. He tells Anakin to hold it and meditate, to let his emotions rise around him, to feed them, to pull them through the crystal, let it resonate, let it take on the shape of his strongest feelings. After all, that is how Maul was trained to bleed his crystals. Maul’s pain and fear and anger yielded him red crystals.

Anakin comes out with yellow. Determination, fierce protectiveness, drive, hunger for justice, righteous fury. That is Anakin’s lightsaber.

Anakin grows up, planet-hopping with his Mom and Uncle Maul in a beat-up freighter with under-the-hood enhancements out the ass (Maul ditched the Scimitar right after Tatooine so his master couldn’t instantly track him down, and Maul and Anakin are both huge mechanics nerds and bond over things like “but what if you put ANOTHER PLASMA CORE IN THE ENGINE”, so this ship is, uh, certainly some sort of thing). Anakin grows up learning a hundred different Force traditions- just about every major Force tradition in the Galaxy (except for Jedi), and more than a few obscure ones. He grows up, tinkering with his droid, learning Juyo from Maul and how to sew a button from his mom. He grows up, beholden to two destinies only: “Help me take down Sidious, because he’s an asshole and a shitty Sith Lord” and “do whatever the fuck you want, because you are a Sith and no one gets to tell you what to do” (”except me.” Shmi interrupts. “Sith Lords still have a bedtime.” “Sith Lords still have a bedtime,” Maul amends, having no desire to repeat what happened when he encouraged a ten-year-old Anakin to ignore all the rules on purpose).

And what Anakin wants to do is what he’s always wanted to do- go back to Tatooine and free the slaves. Maul thinks that a big project like that would be an excellent learning opportunity for Anakin. He also wants Anakin to succeed, so he sits him down and talks logistics. How do you free the slaves without hundreds of slave owners detonating their chips when they hear what is happening? How do you keep them free once you do that? How do you get them jobs, clothes, food, houses? What about the ones who want to leave Tatooine? What about the ones who want to stay? And what about the economic upheaval that will happen when you deprive a whole planet of its cheapest source of labor? When Anakin is fourteen, they start planning.

When Anakin is eighteen, they make their move. Anakin, coordinating with Shmi, who returned to Tatooine three years earlier to organize things on the ground (living with a woman named Beru Whitesun, who is a gateway to the Freedom Path network), activates several massive orbital EMP devices, frying every electrical device on the planet, including slave chips. (The EMPs came from a pirate friend of his mom’s, who seems to do whatever she wants as long as she makes him hot chocolate). All over the planet, lights go out, slave chips fry, and radios go silent. And Shmi’s agents get to work. Ordinary citizens all over tatooine grab their rifles and head out. They meet up with others in their settlement, and the teams sweep the area, following a plan devised by Skywalker and Whitesun. They systematically visit every house in every settlement, city, spaceport, and town that is known to house slaves, and tell the slaves to grab their families and most treasured possessions and follow them.

(Tatooine is a sparsely populated planet- you can count the major settlements on two hands. If it weren’t, this would never have worked.)

Not many slaveowners put up much of a resistance- fifty angry masked people pointing guns in your face tend to make you compliant. The only slaveowner who puts up more than a token resistance is Jabba the Hutt. His resistance, however, lasts about thirty seconds, before Anakin cuts off his head.

Maul meets Anakin at Jabba’s palace, where he’s rounding up the last of Jabba’s cronies. 

“No trouble?” Maul asks.

“Nope,” Anakin replies. “You?”

“None.” Maul said. Turns out, it’s like, super easy to take down an entire criminal organization when you can turn up to a meeting of the Hutt family heads, kill them all, and waltz out past all their security forces without breaking a sweat. (Seriously, it’s kind of hilarious how Maul is literally just that good). 

“The slaves here are freed?”

“Yep,” says Anakin. Then frowns. “Hold on...” He senses a presence. Big, hulking, simple, and starving. He can sense that, whatever it is, it hasn’t seen the sunlight or been able to move freely in years. 

So anyway, that’s how Anakin turns up at Mos Espa at first sunrise, riding on the back of Jabba the Hutt’s pet rancor. “Who’s a good girl,” Anakin says, scratching behind her ear nubs. “You are!” And she is a good girl. Padme (”I just think it sounds like a nice name, you know?”) is very good at dispersing angry slaveowners who look like they might start rioting. 

The slaves freed overnight have been gathered together at pre-designated safe zones-mostly warehouses or large buildings that Shmi has been buying up over the years for exactly this purpose.

(The slaves living in remote settlements, at moisture farms and homesteads, didn’t get a visit from the freedom teams. However, Shmi had a plan for them too. She has made overtures to the Tusken tribes. Once she managed to negotiate her way into speaking to one of the leaders without getting killed, she sold them a story, a dream. A revolution. Free the slaves. Transform Tatooine. She doesn’t promise the Tuskens to expel humans from the planet entirely. She promises them equal rights under the law (she also promises the existence of laws in the first place). She promises them the right to raise Banthas, the right to traverse their ancestral lands and the return of sacred sites taken from them, the right to trade, the right to control who passes over their lands. She promises them the right to water and shade. And, she promises them half the seats on the ruling council she plans to set up. And so, on the night the EMPs blow, Tusken raiders visit every homestead on Tatooine (again, there’s only a few hundred, a thousand at most), and kidnap the slaves. Perhaps not the most reassuring experience for enslaved peoples who have been taught their entire lives to fear the Tuskens, and not without reason, but, nevertheless, it is freedom).

As the new day dawns- Tatooine’s first dawn as a free planet- Anakin, Maul, and Shmi know that the easy part is over. Now, they have to house tens of thousands of people currently cooped up in warehouses with nothing but the clothes on their backs. They have to establish and keep iron-tight control over the planet and its settlements, and quash any violent reprisals before they gain momentum. They also have to completely rebuild an economy completely upended by the overnight emancipation. 

However, Shmi’s not the only one who’s been busy for the past few years. While Shmi was on Tatooine, planning a revolution, Anakin and Maul were traversing the galaxy, gathering resources, using the Patented Maul Method (TM)- breaking into the headquarters of powerful organizations and threatening to kill everybody in charge unless they did what they said.

As the second sun rises, ships begin arriving in Tatooine’s orbit. Pop-up housing is dropped onto the outskirts of Tattooine’s settlements, the kind that mining companies use to set up new bases on mineral-rich asteroids. The accommodations are small and sparse, but each family has a kitchen, bathroom, beds, and private space. Huge generators are hooked up to cool the new housing. Anakin knows that the already-existing slave quarters, made of stone with no windows and mostly underground- are already built to keep the occupants cool, but he refuses to make the former slave population live in slave quarters. Some of the freed people are moved into Jabba’s old palace, some into buildings abandoned by rich business owners who fled the planet when they saw what was happening. Food, water, medicine, clothes, books, toys, tools, and shoes are deposited. (the Republic’s equivalent of the FBI had been utterly baffled when Galaxy’s three biggest criminal organizations started moving cargo that looked less like a drug trade and more like a disaster relief mission). 

Anakin walks among the newly freed slaves, reassuring them- yes, you are free. Yes, you will be fed and housed and clothed as long as you need it. Yes, we will try to find your child/husband/wife/mother who was sold years ago. Yes, you can go home, you can do whatever you want.

He also asks for volunteers. And he gets them. Hardly anyone would say no to the chance to work with the Skywalker, who once was a slave like them, but freed himself and returned, who freed the slaves in one night of glory, and appeared at sunrise riding a rancor.

Anakin sends out messengers, all across the planet. “Tatooine is a free world,” they say. “All slaves are hereby freed, by order of the He who Walks in the Sky. Any slaveowners who, by their own free will, turn over their detonators will not be harmed. Any who resist, will be.” Not many resist.

At the end of that first day, as the suns are setting, once the freed peoples of Tatooine are fed, and given water, and sheltered, Maul comes to Anakin.

“I am proud of you.” He says. “You have come into your power, you have mastered yourself, and so have mastered the Force. You have the freedom and the power to do anything you choose. You are no longer my apprentice. Lord Skywalker, you are a true Sith Master.” Anakin pulls him into a hug. He maybe cries a little bit. Maul maybe cries a little bit. Maul maybe also feels mildly annoyed that Anakin is a full head taller than him now.

(Sidious would be truly, utterly offended at Maul’s criteria for Sith-Lord-ness. “THAT’S NOT SITH” he would have said. “THAT’S BARELY EVEN DARK SIDE ADJACENT, YOU ARE DILUTING OUR THOUSAND YEAR HERITAGE-” but Maul wouldn’t care about Sidious’ stupid opinions, anyway).

And Anakin and Shmi get to work. They employ the newly freed people of Tatooine, constructing permanent houses, tearing down slave markets, building critical infrastructure. Anakin pays them more than a living wage, thanks to the extremely deep pockets of Crimson Dawn. He brings in doctors and teachers, and guarantees healthcare and education for all who want it (whenever one of Crimson Dawn’s higher-ups says “wait, why are we dumping massive amounts of money into this one random-ass planet?” Darth Maul just casually sidles up behind them with his lightsaber until they remember that he can literally just show up anywhere, at anytime, and kill them unless they do what he says. If Maul’s busy, he sends 3PO instead- 3PO’s been outfitted with about ten times as much weaponry as is legal, and can be very convincing when he wants to be).

While Anakin works on infrastructure and supporting the freed peoples of Tatooine, and unfucking the economic trainwreck they caused, Shmi and Beru work on the government. They write down a few, very basic rules-Tatooine is to be ruled by a council of people, half of whom will come from the Tusken tribes, all of which shall be selected by fair and free election. All citizens of Tatooine shall have the right to vote in these elections, and the right to vote shall be guaranteed to all- except for those who have ever owned or sold a sentient being. (it was a huge debate in the Lars-Whitesun-Skywalker household, this matter of restricting voting rights. In the end, it was decided that slaveowners, and ONLY slaveowners, were to be the sole exception for universal suffrage). Every citizen of Tatooine is guaranteed access to food, medicine, and water, and has the right to have their grievances addressed by the council.

Shmi works quickly to gather her council- she knows she has to do it fast, to prove to the Tuskens that she is as good as her word. The first elections are chaotic, and perhaps not completely non-violent, but in the end, there is a council of twenty representatives, with Shmi Skywalker representing Mos Espa.

The Council proceeds to have raging- and occasionally violent- debates about the structure of their future government. What rights to guarantee citizens. Should they have a court system? What about a financial system? How are they to guarantee water, food, and medicine to everyone? What even are taxes?

The Rebuilding of Tatooine is long, and hard, and contentious. There are arguments and rage and fighting- the repatriation of traditional Tusken lands is especially fraught. But Shmi promised, and so she makes it happen (Anakin and Padme may have helped too). Maul, for his part, keeps training Anakin, and keeps managing the criminal underworld with a careful balance of death threats and actual death, but mostly stays out of the way of Anakin’s Senior Project. 

Soon, Anakin is able to re-purpose the pop-up housing, since most people have moved into traditional Tatooine-built homes, suited to the environment. The newly restructured economy is tentatively taking its first steps, and Tatooine’s baby government is becoming less and less dependent on intergalactic criminal funding (partially thanks to Anakin confiscating the entirety of Jabba’s personal fortune). He spends a lot of time in Council meetings, trying not to scream at people while also trying to stop Padme from eating them. The Council debates what is next for Tatooine, and eventually, they vote to petition the Republic for membership. Tatooinians, as a people, including the Tuskens, are fiercely independant, but, as Shmi points out, joining the Republic would guarantee them to certain things like humanitarian aid, a voice in decisions affecting interplanetary trade routes and taxation, legal legitimacy and the right to call on the Republic for aid should their sovereignty ever be threatened. Most importantly, slavery is illegal on all Republic planets, which means that if any slave-owning organizations ever pushed in on Tatooine, there would be another (much better funded) organization to call on to help quash it. 

The Republic requires that a petitioning planet’s head of state visit the Senate on Coruscant to ask the Senate for entry into the Republic. The Council, grumbling, re-jiggers their constitution to allow for a “chief councilor”, and promptly elect Anakin to the position (”Fuck me,”) Anakin says. Maul laughs at him, then sobers and tells him to be careful on Coruscant (”My former master lives there.” he says. “Mind your shields, and do not let him know your true nature. You are not yet ready to take him on, and you have your planet and your people to think of.” “Yes, Uncle Maul.” Anakin says. “I will be careful.”).

Anakin shows up in the Galactic Senate, sandy robes, uncombed hair, and half smirk on his face. “I am Anakin Skywalker, free person of Tatooine,” he says. He presents the case for Tatooine’s admittance to the Republic in a booming, confident voice, drawing on his inner strength- his righteous anger and determination to ensure his people’s future- to keep his voice from wavering.

There are grumbles. Muttering. No Senator wants to be the one to blatantly say “no”- it’s a sort of miracle story, Tatooine, the little planet that rose up and threw of the shackles of slavery and now wants to join the Republic- the exact sort of mythos that the Republic itself is built on. It’s bad PR to vote against that little planet. But at the same time, Tatooine is a sandy, useless dustball that’ll need fiscal support from the Senate, with nothing to offer in terms of economic value. Many Senators are debating with themselves, not whether or not to say “no”, but how to vote “no” without losing ten points in approval ratings.

Until the Senator from Naboo, a diminutive woman who somehow reminds Anakin of his rancor, stands up. She gives an impassioned, off-the-cuff speech, reminding the Senate of how her own planet had thrown off the shackles of oppression not ten years ago, how the Republic was founded by planets like Tatooine, and how, most importantly, they had no legal basis to deny them entry, and if the Senate voted no, Naboo’s lawyers would litigate the issue six ways from taungsday- which, due to a clause in the Senate’s constitution that forbade them from passing legislation while the issue of a planet’s admittance to the Republic was on the floor, would effectively paralyze the Senate until the courts made a ruling. And, as Padme made sure to emphasize, if the court’s decision was not favorable, she would appeal. She could feasibly stop the Senate from doing anything for years, if necessary.

Tatooine is admitted to the Republic.

“Two Senators,” Anakin demands. “In order for my people to be fairly represented, my planet requires two Senators.” When complaints are made, Jar-Jar Binks threatens to explain the complicated dynamics of a planet attempting to grapple with a colonial past. He doesn’t have to. Tatooine gets its two Senators.

Anakin meets with Senator Amidala in her office, to thank her.

“Of course,” she said. “I remember a little boy who helped free my planet- how could I not help you when you needed it?”

“Uhh, thanks, yeah, that’s, really nice of you. Like your hair. Which is nice. In an objective sort of way,” Anakin says, because there is no universe in which Anakin is not a complete idiot in front of Padme. “I named my rancor after you,” he blurts.

Before Anakin is scheduled to leave Coruscant, the Jedi send a knight to scope out the new planetary leader. Obi-Wan Kenobi shows up at Anakin’s hotel room, and goes “Oh. It’s.... you.” 

“Obi-Wan!” Anakin grins. He only knew him for about two days when he was nine, but he still greets him like an old friend, like a brother. They fall into easy, teasing conversation. “I thought you were dead, I confess, after you disappeared from Naboo,” Obi-Wan admits. “I am truly sorry that I was unable to fulfill Qui-Gon’s promise to train you as a Jedi Knight.”

“That’s ok,” Anakin waves his hand dismissively. “I got trained as a Sith instead.” Then he freezes. Oops. He was not supposed to say that. Maul would be so disappointed in him.

“Beg pardon?” Obi-Wan says.

“I, uhh, got trained, as a, uh, sift...er? Instead? A sand sifter? I sift sand for a living?”

“You said Sith.”

“No I didn’t, I definitely said sift.”

“No, you said Sith.”

“I definitely did not.”

Anakin changes the subject, and Obi-Wan lets it drop. He’ll tell the Council, of course, but he honestly cannot fathom the concept of this kid being a Sith. He senses nothing Dark about him- well, at least no more dark than is present in any sentient. Besides, it’s not like there are any Sith Lords around anymore, ever since he killed Maul (luckily, Obi-Wan doesn’t see the picture in Anakin’s wallet, a candid shot 3PO took in the cockpit of their family’s ship. Fifteen-year-old Anakin, at the controls, hyperbrake still on with his hands on the hyperdrive lever, Maul, standing behind him, hands gripping Anakin’s seat and face distorted half-way through a panic-induced rant about flight safety, and Shmi, sitting in the co-pilot’s seat, laughter on her face and knitting needles in her hands).

Anakin contacts his mother, tells her the good news. The Council, moving with alacrity, elects Tatooine’s first Senators. And four days later, one year after the Dawn of Freedom, Senator Shmi Skywalker and Senator Ooutrigh (a Tusken warrior) of Tatooine arrive on Coruscant and address the Senate for the first time. 

Of course, while Anakin has been growing up, planning for Tatooine’s future, and annoying the shit out of Maul, Palpatine’s own plans have continued apace. Barely four months after Tatooine is admitted to the Republic, Obi-Wan finds himself in an arena on Geonosis. The battle goes much differently this time, partially due to the fact that Anakin has retrofitted the cargo bay of his family’s ship to house Padme (the rancor, not the Senator), and descends onto the Arena sands just as Yoda and the Clone Troops arrive, and deposits both Padme’s (the rancor, and the Senator) into the melee. 

“Hi, Obi-Wan!” Anakin calls, whipping out his lightsaber to deflect the hail of blaster bolts (Maul would disapprove, but Maul isn’t here, he’s ten clicks away, chasing down the Jedi dropout Sidious replaced him with). 

“Anakin, what the FUCK” Obi-Wan says, staring at Chief Councilor Anakin Skywalker of Tatooine, riding a rancor and swinging an honest-to-Force yellow lightsaber. 

“Master Yoda, what the FUCK” Anakin says, later, after the battle is over, when he finally gets Yoda to answer his questions about the clone troopers. “You found out about an entire-ass army of slave child soldiers commissioned AND PAID FOR by one of your own council members, and your reaction is ‘oh thank goodness, now we have an army?’ What the FUCK is WRONG with you?!” Yoda tries to explain to Councilor Skywalker that the situation was dire, they’d had no choice, but Councilor Skywalker just keeps repeating “AN ARMY OF SLAVE CHILD SOLDIERS” at him. “No choice, we had,” Yoda says yet again.

“BULLSHIT, you had no choice!” Anakin yells. “You could have chosen to not use the entire army of slave child soldiers that you legally own!”

“Let Kenobi and the others die, you would have? Hmm?”

“PROBABLY, YEAH!” Anakin hollers (”Thanks,” mutters Obi-Wan). “Sometimes the choices you have all really suck, but you still have to make them! You can’t just pretend you didn’t have any options, you HAD OPTIONS, and you chose the one that involved using a SLAVE ARMY OF CHILD SOLDIERS.” He gestures behind him to the battlefield, where clone troopers and medics are moving amongst the bodies, white and red stark against the sand, tallying their dead brothers.

Yoda shakes his head. “emotional, you are, young Skywalker.” he said. “Cloud your judgement, your feelings do.” 

“Yeah, I’m fucking emotional!” Anakin practically screams. “I have personal beef with slavery, so excuse me if I feel emotions about it. Your problem is that you’re able to use an ARMY OF SLAVE CHILD SOLDIERS and not feel bad about it! Your lack of emotions is clouding YOUR judgement!” He stomps off. Yoda shakes his head. Skywalker is young, and too close to the issue of slavery to really have perspective on it. He does not understand. It was a great loss to the Jedi Order when the Council rejected him, all those years ago- if he had been trained as a Jedi, he would have learned to put aside his emotions about slavery, and he would have understood why it was necessary now. If Anakin could have heard what Yoda was thinking, he would have turned right back around, picked Yoda up, and punted him like a limmie ball.

Anakin and Maul return to Tatooine. Maul offers to assassinate the entire Jedi Council, but Anakin says no. He’s still fuming about his conversation with Yoda. He knows he gets emotional. He knows that Yoda isn’t entirely wrong- he knows he lets his emotions cloud his judgement sometimes. It’s something he’s worked hard on, over the years, him and Maul. How to take a step back from the emotions howling in your head, and how to view the situation without them getting in the way. And what kinds of situations you should let your emotions guide you. Anakin thinks he’s damn well entitled to strong emotions about slavery. 

Short of declaring war on the entire Jedi Order, Anakin doesn’t know what to do about the Republic’s slave army. The Tatooine Council releases a public condemnation of it, explicitly calling it slavery and calling for the clones to be freed. The Council seriously debates joining the Separatists, until Padme (the Senator, not the Rancor) and Shmi look in-depth at the Separatist Council, which is buried deep in the pockets of corporate interests. Shmi files a lawsuit, under the Republic’s anti-slavery legislation, suing for the freedom of the clones. It’s a battle of miserable inches, and meanwhile, the war rages.

With Dooku gone, Sidious’s only means of controlling the Separatists is through Grievous and Ventress, both of whom are loose cannons whose loyalty (and competence) he seriously doubts. It’s frustrating for him, and not necessarily better for the Jedi and their army (of slave child soldiers). Sidious needs to keep the war in careful balance, neither side gaining too much ground, to draw it out and grind the Jedi down and manipulate their public image until he can heap all the blame on them. Without Dooku to pass down his orders, he has no way of keeping a firm check on the Separatist Council, and the Seps are in serious danger of completely overrunning the Republic. The droid army is fifty times as many as the clones, and the Separatists have the Trade Federation, the Banking Clans, and all of the major military tech corporations on their side. Honestly, it’s a testament to the Jedi and the Clone Army that they haven’t lost the war in the first month.

Speaking of that first month, Anakin doesn’t spend long on uninvolved in the war. Scant weeks after Geonosis, the Separatist Army threatens to roll right over Tatooine on their way to gaining control of the Outer Rim Hyperlanes. Tatooine has no army, doesn’t even have a police force. It has no fleet, no orbital defenses, and the droid army headed their way has ten times more droids than there are guns on the planet. The Council faces a choice. Ask the Republic to send in the GAR to defend them- ask for an army of slaves to be sent to die on Tatooine, to stain the sand with enslaved blood so soon after Tatooine clawed her way to freedom, or do nothing, and almost certainly ensure the annihilation of Tatooine and her people. To die, or to live by the blood of slaves who died for you. It’s not a pretty choice.

In the end, the choice is taken away from them (and perhaps it’s a kindness, that they weren’t forced to choose, perhaps it’s the coward’s way out, but it is what it is). A GAR cruiser shows up in orbit, and the Council is hailed by a man identifying himself as Captain Rex, commanding officer of the 501st legion of the GAR.

“The Republic sent you here?” Anakin asks, incredulously. 

“Well, not exactly.” Captain Rex hedges. “The 501st is due for leave on Kamino, but the hyperdrive was making funny noises, so we decided to stop off in the nearest Republic system to check it out.” Rex shrugs. “If a bunch of tinnies just so happen to show up, it’s not like we’ll just sit back and watch.”

“Why are you doing this?” Anakin asks the clone captain, once they’ve got him on planet and in the council room. He’s got a lump in his throat, and his eyes are stinging. The 501st has no Jedi on board, no natborn officers, and no orders to go to Tatooine. Rex and the 501st showed up here of their own free will. Because they wanted to. To defend Tatooine.

“Geonosis.” Rex says. “On Geonosis, you saved the lives of over two hundred of us. Including me. We couldn’t stand by and let your planet fall to the Separatists, Councilor Skywalker.”

After the battle, during the cleanup, when Tatooinians are passing through the rows of injured, giving out water- giving out life- Rex tells Anakin the other reason.

“We all know about Tatooine, sir.” He says, quietly. “A bunch of slaves who stood up and said “no,” and took their freedom.” He shrugs. “Stories like that, it gives us hope. For the future.” He fixes Anakin with a stare. “If we let that hope die, we die too. Tatooine cannot fall.”

That is the first time Anakin and Rex fight together. Somehow, when the 501st leaves Tatooine, Anakin goes with them- officially, as a consultant/observer, appointed at the request of Senator Skywalker to observe the GAR and monitor the health and wellbeing of the troopers. Unofficially, Anakin and Rex become a lethal team, making the 501st one of the most effective legions in the Galaxy. Anakin isn’t dumb. He knows he’s being a massive hypocrite, running around with an army of slave child soldiers. Rex, however, insists that it’s different.

“First of all, we asked you to come with us.” he says. “Second of all, it’s not like you staying behind would have made any difference in our situation. And besides, scrapping clankers isn’t the only reason I asked you to come with us.” Anakin raises an eyebrow.

And Rex introduces Anakin to his older brother, Cody, commander of the 212th (Anakin is happy to see Obi-Wan again, but appalled to meet Obi-Wan’s fourteen-year-old togruta padawan, because why would you put a CHILD in a warzone, in a COMMAND POSITION). And Cody brings Anakin in on The Plan. The clones will not remain slaves forever, and they will not wait for some elusive promise of gratitude after the war is over. They will take their freedom, and they will defend their own, and they’re asking Anakin, who freed the slaves of Tatooine, to help them do it. 

“So basically, you want me on as a consultant.”

“Basically, yeah.” Cody says. “And also as a guy with a lightsaber who can leap fifty feet into the air and dodge blaster bolts. Those are always handy to have around.”

So Anakin and Rex and Cody, and Cody’s small circle of commanders, lay their plans. And in the meantime, there’s a war to fight. Shmi’s still on Tatooine, but Maul comes with Anakin and the 501st. He and Rex get along like a house on fire, but you wouldn’t know it from watching them- they do nothing but argue and needle each other. Rex sarcastically calls Maul “Commander Maul” because it pisses him off so much, and it catches on with the whole legion. Maul constantly mutters about murdering and/or poisoning Rex.

But after Ventress almost chokes Rex to death, and breaks into his mind to make him do her bidding, Maul doesn’t leave Rex alone for a week, and clutches his hand tightly in the medbay. Rex doesn’t mention it, so neither does Anakin. 

Padme, on the other hand, makes no secret of how much she loves Rex (the Rancor, not the Senator, though she likes him too). Padme seems to have concluded that Rex is some sort of long-lost hatchling, and can be seen chasing Rex down the hangar bay, trying to corral him into the nest she’s constructed in the corner reserved for her. Rex gets used to surprise cuddles from a massive predator.

The Jedi Council are at their wit’s end with Skywalker, but their hands are full and honestly, he’s a benefit to the war effort, so they assign Obi-Wan to “supervise” the legion, and leave them to it. Obi-Wan and Anakin strike up a deep friendship, unfettered by the baggage that comes with being master and padawan. Obi-Wan finds himself having serious questions about the Jedi’s role in the war, since Anakin is not at all shy about challenging him on the whole “slave army of child soldiers” thing. Obi-Wan is also, quite frankly, too busy to effectively teach a padawan, and by this point, he knows that Anakin’s had some sort of Force training. He’s fought beside him enough to be confident in his skills, and often sends Ahsoka on extended missions with the 501st, and explicitly begs Anakin to help him fill in the gaps in her training. Anakin obliges enthusiastically. 

Of course, Maul helps train her too. Obi-Wan shows up on the Resolute one day to pick her up, and asks how her training’s going. 

“Great!” She says. “Skyguy’s weird uncle is teaching me jar’kai-”

“Anakin has an uncle?” Obi-Wan asks, surprised. “Who knows jar’kai?”

And so Obi-Wan and Maul meet once again. And Obi-Wan is just absolutely pole-axed. 

“Darth Maul?” He splutters. “Is your uncle?” 

“Not biologically,” Anakin shrugs. “He practically raised me, along with my mom. He taught me everything I know about lightsabers and the Force.”

“...”

“...you did say Sith, Anakin, you bastard, sand-sifting MY ASS-”

“Oh, it’s you.” Maul says. “I won’t kill you, but only because Anakin likes you.” Obi-Wan throws up his hands.

Somehow, Obi-Wan and Maul come to an understanding. Somehow, Obi-Wan doesn’t turn him over to the council. 

At one point, a giant of a zabrak, easily eight feet tall, with skin a poisonous yellow, shows up, claiming that Maul is his brother, and that he’s here to bring him home to Dathomir. Maul takes one look at Savage and goes “Fuck that”. “I will train you in the ways of the Force,” he says. “I can show you power like you’ve never wielded before.” he says. “You shall be a great and feared Sith Lord,” he says. “Have some hot chocolate, you look cold,” he says. “Put on a sweater.” Savage, slightly bemused, comes to terms with the fact that he’s just been adopted.

It’s Maul who figures it out, of course. How could he not? He was raised by Sidious. He knows how devious he is, how his plans have layers upon layers, backups upon backups, contingencies stacked from here to the Outer Rim. Once Sidious moves, you can be sure that any reasonable outcome will be in his favor, because he has completely engineered the situation before you were even aware it existed.

The Sith caused the war and are playing both sides. The Sith caused the clones to be commissioned (these things are trivially easy to figure out, if you’re paying attention). The Sith want the Jedi dead.

“Contingencies,” Maul mutters. “It’s always a trap, and there’s always contingencies.”

When he finds the chip in Rex’s head, he shakes with rage and refuses to talk to anyone, fearing, for the first time in years, that he will lose control and hurt someone he loves. It is Rex who talks him down, who manages to get close to him, who embraces him and lets him cry on his shoulder, then scream and rage and punch the walls. When Maul is able to explain, Rex has to choke back his own terrified, horrified sobs. He holds them back, and calmly looks at Maul and says “What are you going to do about it?”

The surgery, they discover, is simple enough. An astromech can do it in two minutes (C2PO can do it in seventy seconds, and Artoo can’t stand it). When Anakin is told, he goes quiet for a minute, and when he looks back up, it is not Anakin, Rex’s friend, Maul’s kid, who is sitting at the table in the briefing room. It is He Who Walks in the Sky, Huttslayer, Breaker of Chains, who looks back at them. Anakin Skywalker has always wanted nothing more than to free all the slaves. And Anakin Skywalker’s destiny has always been to do what he wanted.

They tell Cody. They modify their plans. They quietly contact medics throughout the GAR, and Artoo quietly sends the details to every military astromech he trusts. When the army is safe from Sidious’ control, Anakin, Rex, and Maul conspire to lure him off of Coruscant. Maul takes over Mandalore, exiling the duchess and announcing a New Sith Empire. Sidious shows up, declaring that Maul has become a rival, disowning his former apprentice and attacking him, with intent to kill. Savage loses an arm. Maul almost loses his life. But as he lies on the ground at Sidious’s feet, arms trembling with the effort of holding the parry keeping Sidious’ saber from his throat, he hears “We’ve got the face shot! Go, go go!” in his earpiece. Gunfire, real slugthrowers, difficult to block with a saber, erupts around him. C3PO and his arsenal, along with Fives, Jesse, and Echo, the 501st’s best ARC troopers, open fire on Sidious. The Sith is forced to back away, raising a hand to stop the bullets in midair. Maul leaps to his feet, and Anakin joins him, lightsaber drawn. 

The fight is quick, but brutal. Maul’s hands threaten to tremble with terror, facing down the horror of his childhood, the monster whose treatment of him is woven fundamentally into his psyche, whose shadow has haunted Maul all his life, and still invades his dreams. But he reaches out to his family, to Rex, beside him, steady, full of faith in him, to Anakin, a blazing sun of love and anger, a shield of raw power, and to Shmi, all the way in her Senate offices on Coruscant, cool and calm and soothing like a desert spring as ever-present as the stars. His hands do not tremble. He raises his lightsaber against his master, beside the blade of his son. Together, they beat the Sith Lord back. Anakin binds the Sith’s blade, knees him in the ribs, and while Sidious is thus occupied, Maul cuts his head off.

“You were a terrible parent,” he pants, and spits on the corpse. Then, he collapses, and Rex is there to catch him, and Maul clings to him and shakes, and cries. Anakin reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder, and Rex pulls him in with a look, and together, they surround Maul, a bulwark against the rest of the world, a safe circle for him to fall apart for a little bit. At some point, one of them unstraps the small camera that Maul had been wearing on his chest. Ahsoka has, at that point, already sent the footage to every major news office on Coruscant.

That evening, plastered all over the galactic news, is a video of the Chancellor himself, showing up on a neutral world and attacking its sovereign leader, wielding red lightsabers of all things. And it’s obviously the Chancellor; there’s a clear shot of his face when he knocks Mandalore’s ruler to the ground and the camera gets a good view right up into his hood.

It’s a massive scandal. One tabloid shows the footage with a little counter in the corner, counting up every treaty and galactic law that Palpatine violates onscreen. The only thing that saves Palpatine from impeachment and arrest is the fact that he’s already dead. Inquiries are launched, investigators are sanctioned, documents and hard drives and testimony are subpoena’ed. Padme (the Senator, not the Rancor), spearheads the investigative committee, and within a month, they’ve uncovered decades worth of bribes, backroom deals, contracts with droid manufacturers, clear evidence of Palpatine authorizing Republic funds for weaponry that went straight to the Separatists, and even communication records between the Chancellor and the two military leaders of the Separatists. Grievous and Ventress go into hiding (the Tales of Grievous and Ventress, unlikely buddies forced on an intergalactic road trip on the run from the cops, is a story for a different absurdly long post at 3am). The Separatists break down in chaos, and the war grinds to a halt. In the middle of all the political hurricane, Cody enacts his plan, and the entire GAR simultaneously deserts, and fucks directly off to Tatooine. This ignites another scandal, with Senators calling for Tatooine’s expulsion from the Republic. Shmi stands in her Senate Pod, hands tucked into her roughspun sleeves, listening attentively while Senator Burtoni of Kamino accuses her of theft.

“If Tatooine does not return the stolen military assets, the Senate may sanction the use of force!” the Senator from Ryloth threatens.

“Pardon me,” Shmi says, “May I ask what army the Senate is planning sending to invade Tatooine? I was under the impression that the only Republic army was already there.” There’s a bit of an awkward silence.

In the middle of the shitstorm, before Shmi is arrested and Anakin declared an enemy of the state, Shmi’s lawsuit finally receives a ruling. And just like that, the clones are legally free. And the judge orders the Senate to pay reparations. Anakin cackles with glee when he hears. 

Rex and Cody, with the full support of the people of Tatooine, begin the long, hard, work of resettling their brothers and building a life for the vod’e. Shmi files a lawsuit against the Zygerrian Empire. Savage receives a new arm, courtesy of Anakin, who may or may not have added a few extra utilities to it. Ahsoka is knighted, and controversially invites Anakin to be present at the ceremony, along with Obi-Wan. Maul admits, very quietly and where only Rex can hear, that he doesn’t actually want to poison him. “I know,” Rex says, smiling at him. Anakin, meanwhile, finally marries Padme, the love of his life (the Senator, not the Rancor).

And in Mos Eisly, there is a stone slab, pulled from a crumbled wall and stuck upright in the ground in the middle of the square. No one knows who put it there, but someone carved fifty-seven names into the stone. The fifty-seven names of the clone troopers who died defending Tatooine from the Separatist army, at the beginning of the war. The last slaves to spill their blood on the sands of Tatooine.

#maul adopts anakin #and invents a new kind of sith #which is almost nothing like the old kind of sith #just co-opts the name really #rex/maul #kinda? it wasn't on purpose it just happened #my writing #maulusque's writing #might slap this up on ao3 later #we'll see

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

Ok, so I’ve tried and tried several times to get this posted, we’ll see if this is the time it goes through. Half the reason why this review series has slowed down is not just the multitude of real life stuff I have to deal with, but also Tumblr just refusing to work with me and deleting my posts. I also can’t save my work else where due to Tumblr messing up the formatting. It’s been a frustrating mess and so far no one @staff​ has come up with a tech solution or work around. 

Summary: Rapunzel helps to rebuild Old Corona, (after its near destruction from the Black Rocks) which will become the permanent home of Red and Angry, who have returned to Corona to settle down. However, she begins to notice strange footprints around the area, as well as the livestock becoming more unruly and fearful. The group comes across a monster hunter named Creighton, who explains to the group that the area is being stalked by a werewolf, who possessed one of Corona's citizens. Aiming to save this person rather than kill them, Rapunzel sets out to find who it is. 

When Was This Decided?

No seriously, when was this decided? It’s a pretty big leap go from ‘the rocks makes various towns inhabitable’ to ‘let’s rebuild!’ What’s changed here? Cause the rocks haven’t been removed and Rapunzel failed in her mission to nullify their power. In fact the rocks were not only reawaken in the second season finale but shown to be under the power of someone who’s intentions were made unclear to the heroes.

So I ask again; who thought this was safe thing to do now? What provisions have been made to accommodate the rocks? They blocked the well, remember, and destroyed the fields; how are the people getting food and water? 

And most importantly why wasn’t the audience informed beforehand? When you change up the status quo in a story you need to provide just cause to the viewers. I legit thought I had accidently skipped an episode when I first watched because this plot point was not set up properly.  

Why Were They Ever Left Alone to Begin With?

In a story where neglect is a central theme and motivating factor for all the main characters, it is super tone deaf to have those same characters perpetuating neglect themselves. The decision to live on their own should not be left up to Angry and Red because they are children. Children are not mature enough to provide for themselves neither emotionally nor physically and when placed in situations where they have to do so it psychologically damages them. Which the series already showcased with Varian so why is this suddenly deemed ok? 

This Completely Undermines the Past Two Seasons

The entire conflict of the past two seasons was the rocks forcing people out of their homes. Eugene was made an orphan from them, Varian lost his entire support group because them, they drove out the Saporians from their encampment which prompted them to invade Corona, and Rapunzel and company spent an entire year on the road trying to find a way to stop them from spreading supposedly. 

All of that has now been flushed down the drain with this decision. And its super insulting to watch because it’s the writers telling us that we’ve wasted our time caring about this plot for two years. You don’t resolve major conflicts off screen and without explanation; it’s lazy!  

Also Where Is Varian and Quirin During All This?

This is not only their home and legal charge, but it’s also the ending to their ongoing story, and they’re not even here in a silent cameo. 

Wouldn’t Quirin be overseeing the rebuilding of his town? Wouldn’t Varian be using his skills to find workable engineering solutions for them, fulling his season one goal of saving his home and making his village better with his inventions? Also wouldn’t Edmund want to catch up with his brother and help out now that he’s here? 

In fact not a single person who actually lives in Old Corona is to be found in these opening shots. 

Oh, But We Do Get Earl

Earl might be from Old Corona, or he might not be. We’ve literally never seen him before. The artists had to create a brand new character model for this character, the writers had to write new lines for him, and the casting director had to hire an actor and have him record these lines for only less than a minute of screen time, never to be seen again. Even though they legit had shepherd models already to go from season one that they could have used. It’s a waste of resources and a prime example of the mismanagement going on in this show. 

It’s Too Late In the Series to Waste Time On a New One Off Villain

Speaking of a waste, Creighton might have more story reasons to appear in this episode than Earl does but her inclusion is still a poor decision. The show already has an overabundance of villains, so many in fact that they shipped the bulk of them off in season two, and this is the final season; the season where we should be wrapping up plots and minor characters stories not kicking off new ones.

Taken on her own Creighton isn’t a bad character presa, she works for the episode, but when we could have gotten a resolution to Caine’s, Hector’s, or the Disciples’ story arcs instead it highlights how misused the series assets are. 

All This Lore Will Be Forgotten In Just a Few Episodes Time

We finally get like some magical rules and backstory only for future episodes to ignore it from here on afterwards. Red can turn into a werewolf whenever she pleases, night or day, with little explanation as for why.  

Just Arrest Her Rapunzel

You’re the acting queen. You have the power and the right to arrest or even merely detain someone who is threating your citizens and refuses to leave. In fact it’s kind of your job. You don't even have to throw her in a dungeon if you thought that too cruel. Just lock her up in a nice room somewhere in the castle until you’ve sorted out the mess yourself. 

The series wants to treat Rapunzel as the underdog when she isn’t, and her failure to wield her power effectively doesn’t make her look ‘nice’ it just makes her look stupid and grossly incompetent. This is a conflict that didn’t need to have happened and Rapunzel let it happen.  

Oh, So Now Y'all Riot

You didn’t complain when the king orphaned children with his crack down on crime. You rolled over as he dolled out overly harsh punishments to poor people who committed minor offences. You gleefully went along with the royals as they  scapegoated a child for their mistakes, even as they endangered your homes.  And ya’ll sat on your asses while invaders pulled off a coup and enslaved you. 

But this is what you get mad over? A rumor about a mythical creature existing that your princess has zero control over. Seriously? 

Man, I hate the townspeople in this show. 

Pointless Dream Sequence Is Pointless

This scene tells the audience nothing new and just wastes screen time. 

This Is the Wrong Lesson to Focus On Rapunzel

We do not tell the 12 year old to unload their phycological issues onto their baby sister!

You’re telling me parents were involved in writing this show? What the hell!?

Rapunzel you are the adult here. At 20 now you should be more adept to handle listening to the deep seated emotional traumas of a little girl than a fucking 10 year old! And if you’re not, or don’t want to, then it’s your job to find another adult who will. 

That’s the core problem with this entire episode. It treats Red’s and Angry’s problems as some eternal issue that they need to work out and not as the inherent failure of the adults around them that it is. 

It is neither Red’s nor Angry’s decision on weather or not they get live on their own. Nor is it their responsibility to be each other’s therapist. Yes, a change in living arrangements is always stressful and for children with abandonment issues it can be hard to readjust, but that’s when you need to step it up and deal with the problem; not shove it off onto the kids themselves! 

Monty Is Useless

Is this all Monty is good for? Being a red herring in ridiculously simple mysteries? Is this why we wasted a whole episode introducing him back in season one? Really?

Why Are We Still Treating Old Corona As Being Separate from Corona Itself?

Look, I get that it’s a joke, but it’s a joke that highlights how poorly thought out the worldbuilding is in the series. Is the Coronan government in charge of Old Corona or not? If so then you can just make those lease laws yourself as the acting regent Eugene. If not then Frederic shouldn’t have had any say in the matter of relocating Old Corona’s citizens nor putting a child outside of his jurisdiction under arrest.

But more importantly this is a just a repeat of that vague level of responsibility Rapunzel has for people who live off the island. She can’t order a whole village to be rebuilt while simultaneously claiming that she bares no accountability for Varian and Quirin’s problems in season one. 

Replacing Guns with Crossbows Isn’t the Safe Option That the Censors Think It Is

I find it kind of amusing that censors will ban showing a 17th century blunderbuss but allow it to be replaced by a weapon that is still mass produced today and can be bought in any Walmart across the country. Like I’m a major advocate for gun regulation in real life, but even I have to find this to be a bit silly. Crossbows aren’t some fantasy weapon. People still own and use them. But it would be seriously hard to get ahold of a working antique firearm.  

Seriously This Is How the Girls Have Been Living and the Adults Haven’t Done Anything About It Until Now?

I feel like I’m beating a dead horse by now, but it’s so engrained into the episode I have to keep bringing it up. The show itself is visually telling us that Red and Angry can’t keep living this way, but it never wants to call Rapunzel and the other adults out for not rescuing them from this life sooner. 

So All This Tells Me Is That Rapunzel Could Have Easily Checked Up On Varian In Painter’s Block, But Didn’t.

Remember they’re right next to Old Corona; meaning that Janus Point is also right next to Old Corona. Meaning that Rapunzel could easily have checked up on Varian right after Painter’s Block and choose not to. With each passing episode Rapunzel has less and less excuse for her behavior in season one. 

Yeah Remember that Plot Point That Wound Up Being Entirely Irrelevant to the Story?

In jokes don’t cover your ass when you make poor writing choices. Quite the opposite in fact as all you’ve done is remind the audience of all the various dangling plot threads that you will fail to follow up on. The disciples plot goes no where and serves no purpose, and it should not have been introduced as this big important thing if you weren’t going to do anything with it. 

Nice Idea, Poor Execution

I’ve heard fans of this episode tell me that they enjoy it because of this scene with Red. If you’re a naturally introverted person or neurodivergent and have trouble communicating at times then Red’s speech here can strike a cord. Which is cool; I’ll never deny someone’s feelings and if a piece of media speaks to you on a personal level for whatever reason that is great. What I’m here to discuss though is story structure and whether or not the story’s themes are presented well in context of what it’s set up. 

The conflict here does not work from a pure structural standpoint because it’s a surface level deflection of the real issues. Red’s problem isn’t that she is being ignored, it's that she’s been abandoned. Now communication issues can arise from that abandonment and feeling heard can be step forward in working those issues out, but Red’s central trauma isn’t going to be magically fixed by people ‘listening’ to her, i.e. being granted whatever she wants, but by providing her with a real home and with a real guardian to look after her. 

Because what Red wants on a surface level is harmful to her, and the reasons why she wants what she wants needs to be addressed more so than then sedating her angry outbursts in the moment. This is treating the symptoms not the cause.

So What Is or Isn’t Real About the Curse?

Once again, we finally get some actual lore and rules for magic and the writers are already throwing it away during the same episode they are introduced. I now have as little context for how the wolf curse works within the Tangled world as I did before the episode started. 

This Is Sweet, But Once Again Context Brings It Down.

So just to reiterate, this a surface level resolution to the conflict of the episode that doesn’t actually address anything. It might feel like an appropriate ending but only if you ignore the fact that Red and Angry are orphans who’ve been abandoned but the adults. 

Angry apologizing here to Red does not solve any of their problems, especially since Angry, as a child herself, is not responsible for her sister’s behavior, feelings, nor well being. That falls to the adults and they fail to address Red’s core issues and their own failings to her in their apologies as well. Not to mention that the very next scene undermines any optional progress that could have been made here. 

Listening to Someone Does Not Mean Giving Them Whatever They Want

This does not fix anything. Red and Angry are still left to live on their own without any real supervision. Giving them a big play house is not providing for them, it’s spoiling them. Would you let all the other orphans in the local orphanage roam free without an adult to take care of them? No!? Gee I wonder why? Could it be because letting a 12 and 10 year old raise themselves is a very stupid idea? One that will potentially damage them later in life assuming that they don't get themselves killed in the meantime. 

Moreover this is yet another example of the series overall problem with not understanding that compromise and resolving conflicts does not mean rewarding the characters at the end with everything that they want without having them work for it. That’s not how life works and it’s not how good story telling works. 

This Is Beyond Irresponsible

No! Bad Show! Bad! 

You do not get to pretend that negligence is the same thing as compromise. Yes I know Eugene said to come to him when they have a problem, but as demonstrated by this very episode children do not always know when to ask for help nor can they always find it when needed, that is why parents exist!  

Nor does the show get a free pass for turning it’s main characters into child abusers who neglected three minors multiple times now. Even when they themselves are victims of that same abuse!

How utterly blinkered do you have to be to not see the problem here? 

It’s the Return of the Pointless Parallels

Let me count the ways for how stupid this is. 

Red and Angry’s conflict has no impact on the on going narrative. Even with them now being reoccurring characters they still manage to contribute nothing to the future storylines involving Cass. 

Neither Rapunzel nor Cassandra learn anything from Red and Angry’s spat; Rapunzel because she refuses to acknowledge her own flaws and Cassandra’s not even here for any of it. 

The sister’s dynamic between Raps and Cass is not well established and the writers mange to piss all over it by series end because of gay baiting and poor writing. Therefore relying on lazy parallels to other siblings in the show to bolster this connection falls flat.  

Red and Angry’s argument has nothing in common with Rapunzel and Cass’s current fighting. One is about abandonment issues and the other is about shallow validation. Trying to tie these two themes together actually winds up undermining both conflicts. 

Red and Angry are children. Rapunzel and Cassandra are not. That very much matters. 

Red and Angry didn’t drag innocent people into their petty bitch fight and endanger them because they wanted to feel special. 

This Makes Zero Sense

I don’t know; she looked pretty happy during Crossing the Line. 

She was also able to control the rocks just fine then, so what happened? 

Not to mention soon after this Zhan Tiri is telling her she needs some sort of incantation to control the rocks, despite being able to already control the rocks.... 

It’s almost as if the writers are full of shit and don’t actually know what they’re doing. 

So Are We Remembering the Burnt Hand or Not?

Does the hand matter or not? Is it ever a motivating factor in what Cassandra decides to do? Is her waning control over the rocks connected to her burnt hand; even though having a burnt hand is what allowed her grab the moonstone in the first place? Did the moonstone heal the hand? Does Raps singing the healing incantation later on heal it? Does Cass have a forever burnt hand? 

Who the fuck knows! 

Not the writers that’s for sure, cause it never comes up again. 

Don’t introduce plot points and then not resolve them. That’s writing 101 guys. 

Wait if she needs the incantation to control the rocks and the angry thing is a lie, then how the heck is she controlling them just now? Make up your dang mind show! 

I swear I lose brain cells whenever I have to rewatch the evil Cassandra plot. It is so dumb  you guys.... so, so dumb. 

Conclusion

It’s not the worst thing ever but series has far better episodes on offer than this one. Even in a season as suck ass as season three. 

So there’s praying that this review posts this time and if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me in my projects feel free to leave a tip on my Ko-Fi. Thank you. 

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#tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #anti-tangled #anti-rapunzel #anti-Cassandra