#my brain sees an opportunity for me to be abandoned and thinks its the only possible outcome

[soobnny]

loving is terrifying — han jisung. best friends to lovers. accidental confessions (1.6k words)

in the midst of ranting, han jisung accidentally confesses he’s in love with you

“And if I burn the whole school down, would you bail me out of jail, Hanji?”

You’re still only a few sentences into the important speech you were asked to write, and you’re starting to feel agitated, chewed up pencil carving out your thoughts on paper before finding its way abandoned on your desk.

It’s been a few hours, and you’d chosen to put the pencil down lest you want to bring yourself to insanity.

Pretty lies usually come easy to you, but now they’re burning holes into your skull and flicking the ashes into your brain. In the reprieve, all you can think about is your anger for the authority.

“Bold of you to assume I won’t be your accomplice.” Jisung retorts from where he’s seated next to you on the floor, arms crossed behind his head as he leans against his couch.

“There’s just so much wrong in the system. Their code of rules deprive students of their creativity. Only the top students have a multitude of opportunities waiting for them. And don’t get me started on how the authorities put so little value into culture and societal issues. Everything is wrong, just wrong in all ways!”

There’s a word count in Jisung’s head on how many times you’ve said wrong in one sitting, but he’s looking at you with a hint of something in his eyes. Almost adoration.

“And we can change it by burning the school down?” A tone of amusement is laced in your best friend’s voice, though you fail to search for a trace of judgment.

“We can start there. Then the world.” You take the pencil back and fiddle with it between your fingers.

“The world? That’s very ambitious of you.”

You glare at him.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t be by your side. I like ambitious.” Jisung smiles at you, making sure to lock his eyes with yours so you can see heavy genuineness where his pupils are. “What’s the next step then?”

“Climate change.”

Jisung throws his head back in quiet laughter, and the slight movement allows you a whip of his laundry detergent from the white shirt he’s wearing. “Okay, climate change.”

“You’re making fun of me.”

“I’m not!” His lips quirk up into a smile, eyes morphing from crescents to a full moon as he struggles to defend his name. There is still laughter even in the way he licks the inside of his cheek and takes your hands in his.

You fail to copy his laughter.

“Your eyes are upset. Are they directed at me?” Jisung softens his voice, only speaking one his laughter has boiled down. He pulls you closer than you already are, and you don’t notice the way he grabs the pencil between your fingers in the process to set it down.

“Of course not.” You mumble. “I’m mad at everything else, at everything wrong.”

A tally adds to his word count.

You sigh when you let go of his hands to take the paper in your own, eyes leaden as they scan across the sentences you had bullshited earlier. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to write this.”

“Just scream it out.”

“What?”

“Scream out what you actually want to say.” He grins.

You gape at him.

“I’m not screaming in your living room. Your neighbors are going to think someone’s being murdered.”

“Then just say it. Whatever you want to say. Everything wrong.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Okay, I’ll start then.” He smiles, and it’s heart-warmingly encouraging. “I wish it was easier to ground myself. I live in my head most of the time, and opening up is hard, and I wish forming any form of relationship wasn’t so scary.”

“Ji—“

“Okay, now your turn.”

“We are not going to ignore what you just said.”

“I said, your turn.”

“Jisung.”

“Please?” He places a hand over yours, and it’s enough for your brain to short circuit.

“Alright, fine. But we are going to talk about it later.”

“Now, what about those things that are wrong?” Jisung asks, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before letting go.

“Well, uh— our poor education system, that’s for one. And, the government. Blatant sexism too, how stupid the patriarchy is, how I still can’t parallel park for the life of me.”

You start with sporadic things, the ones that instantly pop in your head when you think about things that make you upset, and as you continue to talk, you dig a little deeper, and you don’t even realize you’ve stood up and your hands are flailing around like a salesman by the second.

“And, don’t even get me started on the transportation system. It’s so dumb how car-centered design came to be because how is it that the people who have access to private vehicles also have the easiest routes over the less fortunate who walk or commute? Like, why do we have to adjust to the roads?”

There’s a long list of things you want to say, finally letting loose and narrating all the things you’ve kept locked away in the back of your mind because you’re with the one person you can trust. When you meet Jisung’s gaze, he’s looking at you in awe.

“I hate how we’re branded as prodigies when we were younger. I hate the expectations that come with it, that we have to be great all the time, and, oh, this actually feels really good.”

Jisung chuckles at the way you come to a sudden realization, but he’s always known you were wiser beyond your years. “You’re brilliant.”

“Well, you have to say something too!”

Jisung fiddles with his fingers, trying to think of where to start. Though, the brilliance that is you and the opportunity of having this moment with you is enough motivation for him to follow suit.

“Uh, it’s so scary how superficial people are nowadays, and how so quickly they’re let down. It stresses me out how a single mistake could cost you so many relationships, but at the same time, who will stress out if not me? And it makes me realize how lucky I am to have the people in my life, and having an opportunity to talk like this really fuels my positivity in life, and it makes me realize even more how much I strongly feel like my life is for you guys, and there is nothing more important to me than being able to be a good person for you guys, like you. I wish I could be the bestest friend for you, maybe even more than that, but fuck, loving is so scary so I wish you’ll never find out how I’m so so in love with you— wait.”

The room falls silent and he’s thinking of a thousand different ways to die on the spot. He’s embarrassed. This is embarrassing, and he’s thinking it really wouldn’t be too late to jump off the bedroom window and hope for the best. A thousand different ways, maybe pretend he never said anything, stand still and maybe you’d think he wasn’t there in the first place. A thousand different ways.

“Han Jisung.”

“Soooo, haha, where were we in your speech again?”

Jisung doesn’t meet your eyes for the fear of rejection. He doesn’t think he has the heart to handle it right now, especially not after his accidental confession.

“Did you mean what you said?”

“About how superficial people are? Of course, it’s so scary. Hey, did I tell you about the tim—“

“Is being in love with me something wrong?”

He falls silent, and you can visibly see him start to panic, and his hands are pressed together as if in a prayer as he’s shaking his head profusely. “No, oh god no, it’s not. Honestly, it’s one of the only things I’m sure of, and that says a lot because I’m not sure of anything. I’m not even sure I’m in the right course or the right school or if I’m spending my money the right way, or if I’m even gonna live tomorrow, but fuck, loving you and everything about you is something I will never question.”

You can feel yourself start to smile, and Jisung finds himself copying you. It’s one of the first things he knew he loved about you—your smile, and the way you think, and the sound of your laughter. Despite his erratic heart beating and his fear of this exact moment, he still finds himself smiling when you do.

“I’m in love with you too.”

“What?”

You can visibly see the gears in his head turn, and he’s writing a story he doesn’t know the ending to just yet, but the beginning is so beautiful because it’s with you. Then, he laughs. It’s breathy, and you can almost hear the relief. “Did you just say you love me?”

“I did.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god.”

“I’m in love with you, Han Jisung.”

“I’m going to die.”

You laugh, and then he snaps back into reality.

“Can I kiss you?” His tone is so careful, but there’s a hint of something you can only recognize as a slight desperation—like he’s been thinking of it a while.

Jisung reaches out to wrap his arms around your waist, albeit a little shy. It’s a pattern that’s already so familiar. He isn’t a stranger to hugging you, in fact, he’s done it a million times, but the connotations to this one is a little different, and he can’t think straight at the possibility that you might actually consent to letting him kiss you.

“Okay.”

Words that haven’t left being translated into the motion of his lips moving against yours. Honestly, he doesn’t even know who went in for the kiss first. All he knows is his hands are gently rested on your waist and he’s actually kissing you right now, and you can feel the way he’s smiling into the kiss.

It takes a few minutes for you two to pull away, a little out of breath, and he leans in to try and kiss you again but your noses bump against each other’s, and the pair of you can’t help but laugh at how the events of the night had turned.

Jisung marvels at the way everything feels so simple, so right.

“I’m not dreaming, right? Like this is actually happening?”

You laugh even more.

Jisung’s always been afraid of venturing into the unknown, always kept his feelings hidden, and he’s always loathed his mouth for being so uncontrolled with the things he says. But now, with you in his arms, he couldn’t be any more happier about the slip of his tongue and how being with you feels like one of the rare rights among all the wrongs.

#han jisung x reader #han jisung x you #han jisung x y/n #han x you #han x reader #han x y/n #jisung x reader #jisung x you #jisung x y/n #han jisung drabble #han jisung oneshot #han jisung fic #han jisung fluff #skz x reader #stray kids drabble #stray kids drabbles #stray kids one shot #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids fic #skz imagines #skz fluff #skz scenarios #skz fanfic #skz han x reader

[necroromantics]

hello, this is only a suggestion about something you could write someday only if you like it. I'm really curious about this: imagine toby has a s/o before becoming a proxy, so how would he behave after his disappearance? do you think he would stalk them? maybe he would plan some kind of encounter or get caught stalking them (if so, how it would happen)? idk, i recently found your blog and I just love your Toby and I was wondering what your headcannons could be on this scenario.

🪓 — Ticci Toby + Old Friend

we’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when. but i know we’ll meet again some sunny day.

AN: my bad if this kinda sucks, im not used to writing prompts like this also i wrote this in point form, but if you’d like a oneshot instead let me know 🙏

- i cant imagine toby having the emotional capacity or social skills for a proper relationship prior to becoming a proxy, though i can see him having something of an unspoken mutual love with a childhood friend

- but once he lost lyra, he isolated himself so heavily from everyone and everything, which ended up with him pushing away the only person who treated him like a human being

- a couple of years had passed until he saw them again, and when he did, he couldn’t catch his breath. it happened completely by chance. to be honest, dealing with everything he did, and with the effects of slender sickness, their existence completely slipped his mind until that fateful night.

- it was late, and dark, they were walking home from a particularly rough shift and toby caught a glimpse of them from his spot standing under the flickering streetlight.

- he almost yelled out after them when it processed in his brain where he recognized that face and stride from. once it clicked, toby took a moment before moving from his spot. he needed distance to be able to follow them home without being caught.

- when they approached their dimly lit condo, they fumbled with the key to the front door for a moment. taking the opportunity, toby quietly snuck up behind them and snaked his hands around their waist.

- “found you”

- their first reaction was to spin around and clock him in the face, and of course their fist bounced off like nothing. he didn’t flinch, he even chuckled a bit.

- when they saw his face, they gasped.

- “i thought you died in the fire???”

- “yeaah about that…”

- from that point on, toby would sneak into town just to visit them. he would rarely enter through the front door, he much preferred to enter through the bedroom window his old friend made a note to keep unlocked. it was what he was used to. he was a peculiar boy grown up to be an even more peculiar man.

- but they continued with each other as if there was no time apart. like a missing puzzle piece finally finding its way home. his lost friend would question him, but learned quickly it got absolutely nowhere. asking him was futile. they knew better.

- toby would come to them, they weren’t ever allowed to know where he was, or what he did when he was away.

- they were kept under lock and key. his secret. prized possession.

- on particularly bad days, he would show up to their place and just silently lay in bed with them, allowing his prize to run their fingers through his messy brown hair and let the chaos of the outside, and his job, slip away for a moment.

- the light in his otherwise dark and twisted world. a part of him was so scared of getting them hurt, or even worse hurting them himself.

- but he was still the same unstable, angry boy he always was. and though he tried, he wasn’t cut out for being a good partner to his long lost. there would be fights, threats, hatchet marks on the walls and doors.

- they would learn soon that he wasnt the same boy he was.

- toby could never really shake the feeling that his lover only looked at him with eyes that screamed ‘what have you done?’

- if they ran away, he would kill them. or keep them locked up in an abandoned cabin off somewhere in the forest for the rest of their miserable life.

- and if they chose to stay, they would have to spend all their time and energy being disrespected and drained. there was no fixing things. he wasnt a kid that meant well anymore, he wasnt a victim. whether they knew it or not, he was a cold blooded serial killer.

#tombwrites #creepypasta #ticci toby #creepypasta fandom #ticci toby headcanons #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta ticci toby #toby rogers #creepypasta headcanons

[sneverussape]

ripple effect

i have evans!severus on the brain so am clearing out some of the old drafts i've had. :)

@greens-your-color prompt # 81 - FOUND

summary: In which Harry and Kathleen Evans are thrown for a loop when their eldest daughter was supposed to have gone out to buy things for supper but instead comes back with a child which she may or may not have kidnapped.

wc: 2123+ cw: child abandonment and neglect and its possible effects (mainly food insecurity)

--

Harry Evans was rarely out of his depth.

He was an engineer by trade, and so most of the hours of his day involved maths, and he liked that because maths was absolute. There was no problem at work that running the numbers couldn’t resolve. He was a fixer at his core; he provided solutions, and the people he had to tell them to generally always agreed with his recommendations. His life from 8AM to 5PM was routine and predictable, he got paid reasonably well for it, and best of all, he always knew what he was supposed to be doing.

But parenting? Parenting was another matter altogether.

-

Harry Evans tried not to stare at the boy Petunia had dragged through the front door half an hour before supper. Instead, he trained his eyes at the muddy footprints they’d tracked on the runner in the hall and made a mental note to clean it before Kit saw.

“Hello, Pet. Will your friend stay for supper?” he asked. Gentle tones always worked for his eldest daughter; it wouldn’t do to work her into the defensive early in the conversation.

Petunia, to her credit, looked remorseless but furious. At what exactly, he couldn’t tell.

“He’s not my friend,” she said vehemently. “But Dad, I caught him stealing from the grocer and Mr. Hannigan was angry and grabbed him and made me lose the money and…and he’s got no place to go right now, I think.”

Harry took the opportunity to study the boy in front of him. He was small and grubby and looked more like a stray puppy than a child. He had never seen him before in his life and sincerely hoped Petunia had not snatched away the poor little blighter without their parents knowing.

“You think?” Harry echoed carefully. There was a slow-growing terror pooling in his gut at the possibility of Petunia having taken away somebody’s child in a fit of social justice. His guardians could be out of their minds with worry. He had just sent her out for butter and eggs not even an hour past, for God’s sake. He had mincemeat ready and waiting on the counter for that night’s supper. The possibility of her not coming back with the ingredients he needed and instead being presented with a strange boy with an even stranger backstory had not been on his list of expected rational outcomes.

“Darling…” He fought to keep his voice calm. “Darling, where are his parents?”

Who is he? was the question he really wanted to ask but he had already glimpsed back at the boy several times, and had seen fear in the wide eyes that had seemed too big for his small face before they shifted to glare downwards at the carpet. He couldn’t have been more than…four years old? He was smaller than Lily, but had a nervous air about him, and Harry didn’t want to frighten him further. Instead, he trained his eyes on his daughter, who was seemingly intent on giving him a full report.

“They weren’t there.” Petunia frowned in blatant disapproval. “He’s always alone. I see him sometimes, when I take Lily to the playground. He wears the same clothes over and over.”

Interesting.

Harry turned his attention now on the boy, who still had his chin practically tucked into his chest. Petunia had a firm grip on his hand, but hadn’t pulled away at any point in the strange conversation they’d been having. There was a little bit of trust there, then. Or perhaps he was really only just scared?

“Hello there,” Harry peered at him, taking the chance to look at the boy in earnest. He was wearing at least three layers of t-shirts over torn jeans, which wouldn’t have been enough to keep him warm. His thin arms were covered in goosebumps and there was dirt underneath his fingernails. The boy was simply too young to be fending for himself but the longer Harry looked the more it seemed that that was the actuality of the situation. Concern for the boy’s well-being suddenly made his gut churn. “What’s your name?”

The boy didn’t answer and remained standing stock-still.

“His name’s Severus….”

That seemed to get the boy’s attention, and he glared up at Petunia when he heard his name, as though annoyed that she had even known, or had dared to tell an adult. She gave him a glare of equal proportions.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. I saved you! I saw you stealing from right under Mr. Hannigan’s nose and he nearly throttled you. I had to lie to him!” she said, sounding affronted not at the near-throttling but at the lying. She turned back to her father. “I had to pay for it with the money you gave me, Dad, I’m sorry, but it was the only way we could go. I didn’t want him to call the police!”

“All right, calm down. I’m sure whatever the issue is with Mr. Hannigan, we can resolve it…” Harry said. He made a mental note to expect a call from Mr. Hannigan, possibly tomorrow. The old grocer was cantankerous on his best days and Harry doubted that he would let that sort of incident go easily. The last thing he needed was to be reported to the council…

“…And then Severus all made the lights in the store explode.”

Harry blinked, wondering if he’d heard wrong. At her words, Severus’ head shot up once more, this time betrayal evident on his face.

“I din’t mean it!” he cried. His dark eyes shone with unshed tears as he looked frantically between Petunia and Harry. “He grabbed me an’ it hurt, then I felt kinda hot and then all the lights went boom!”

Ah. He’d heard right then. Petunia nodded as though to confirm the story and Harry rubbed at his temple to ward off the headache that had built up within the past minute.

“It’s like Lily, Dad.” Petunia sounded more unsure now, and Harry all at once knew why she had thought it was best to just grab the boy and go. “When she does…things. He did it too, and I was scared. I didn’t want him to run away and get into even more trouble, and he doesn’t even have a coat! So, I brought him here.”

Bugger his headache, it had come on fast. He didn’t know where to how to process the information Petunia had just given him. He needed an aspirin. He needed to start dinner. He needed to find out who and where the boy’s parents were and to call them. He needed…

“Harry?” Kit’s voice sounded from the stairs. “Is Petunia back? I heard a commotion…whatever is this mess on the carpet?!”

Harry smiled in spite of himself. Kit always did have impeccable timing.

-

Supper that night was takeaway fish and chips from the corner store which he volunteered to get just so he could take a moment to let the buzzing in his head settle. He left the children with Kit, trusting her to be able to wheedle some more information out of Severus that he wouldn’t have been able to say in front of Harry.

By the time he’d come back, Kit had not only managed to find out a few more things about their young guest but also had been able to convince him to wear one of Lily’s old dressing gowns. Severus looked slightly warmer, if not a smidge uncomfortable. Lily sat beside him at the dining room table and attempted conversation. He didn’t respond but did manage to finish the portion of fish, chips, and mushy peas they had served him. Harry pretended not to notice when he saw Severus cramming a handful of Lily’s own chips into the pockets of his dressing gown when she wasn’t looking.

“Ok, Severus,” Kit’s tone was low and gentle, almost as though she was talking to a skittish colt. After supper they had sent Petunia and Lily to the sitting room to watch TV. It was really so that they could have a modicum of privacy, but Harry didn’t put it past either of his daughters to be listening in on the conversation from the other side of the door. “Could you tell Harry what you told me a little while ago?”

Severus frowned. “Abou’ what?”

“Well, your Da for instance. Is he at work?”

At this, Severus seemed to wilt. “I…dunno. I haven’t seen him.”

“How long?”

“Couple o’ weeks now. He went out one day and never came back.”

The statement triggered alarm bells within Harry. Was he hearing correctly? He threw a concerned look at Kit who raised her eyebrows at him. It gets worse, her expression said.

“Where did he go, Severus? Did he tell you anything before he left?” Harry asked. “Where are you staying?”

“Spinner’s End.”

That was the community across the river, where a lot of the factory laborers lived in. It was a hodgepodge area that had a less-than-rosy reputation and was always in danger of being eradicated completely.

The slums, Harry’s brain had stated for him, unhelpfully. He fought to keep his expression neutral to not distress Severus any further.

“If it’s all right with you, you can stay here for the night, or as long as you need, really,” Harry forced out a smile that he hoped wouldn’t frighten the boy. He resisted touching him, although he wanted very badly to gather the poor mite for a hug. He couldn’t imagine how terrified the poor child was, being in a strange house with people he didn’t know. If he had been in the boy’s shoes, as young and vulnerable as he was, he likely would have already wet himself.

Severus, to his credit, only gave him a solemn nod.

“Will…will ye help me find my Da?” he asked, his voice small as his fingers fidgeted in what seemed to be an unconscious manner. The sound of brittle hope in his tone coupled by the air of ready defeat should he be rejected tore Harry’s heart to pieces.

This was a child. How could anyone abandon their own child? And how long had Severus been wandering about, fending for himself by stealing from stores, and asking other adults to help him, only to be rejected? What world was he living in where people could readily abandon their own flesh and blood when they had only barely learned to put their own clothes on? He doubted Severus could even already tie his own shoes.

Harry wondered if the boy’s father was still even alive and he hoped, rather bitterly, that he wasn’t if only because that was the only explanation that he was willing to accept why he had left his son vulnerable to the fates. Anything other than that ruled him out as a cold-hearted bastard and no, Harry was not going to apologise for it.

“We will look for him,” Harry said. He was careful not to make any promises they couldn’t keep. He could, at the very least, look for Severus’ errant father. He vowed to himself that the man would not know a day of peace if he ever found him. “What was your last name?”

“Snape.” Severus said curtly. “Me Da’s Tobias.”

Tobias Snape. That was a start. Harry Evans slowly uncurled the fist he hadn’t realized he’d clenched on his lap.

“And you can stay here while we do, all right? You’re very welcome in our home, Severus. You can stay for as long as you want to.” He repeated his previous offer for good measure, but changing his words slightly so as to ease him into the notion that he had a choice in the matter. The boy nodded again, but was no less fidgety than before.

“Are you still hungry, Severus?” Kit asked, leaning forward so that they were speaking in near-whispers. Bless his wife’s heart. He could already see that Severus was far more comfortable with her than he realized. “It’s all right, you can eat more if you want, we have plenty of food.”

“No, miss, thank ye,” Severus said softly, although his eyes were on Petunia’s half-eaten cod. Harry felt his heart twinge at the sight.

“Why don’t you help us clear up then?” he said, standing up and tugging on Kit’s sleeve as he went. Thankfully, Kit was always sharp as a tack. “Mrs. Evans and I will go to the kitchen for a moment and then we can all gather the plates and things. You can stay here if you like.”

Severus nodded more eagerly this time, and Harry led Kit out to the kitchen, away from the boy’s line of sight. He reached out and squeezed her hand as they stood under the fluorescent lighting in silence. She squeezed back and Harry counted to thirty in his head.

When they returned to the dining room, Severus was still in his seat, but all the plates had been picked clean. He looked immensely proud of himself and smiled when they approached.

“I’ll help now,” he said, the dressing gown’s pockets overfull as he stood, and Harry smiled at him back.

end.

--

related fic: this much i know is true, when tobias meets severus again

all evans!severus content are tagged. click the link to see the tag. :)

#this is where it all begins really #evans!severus #au #snape #hp #my fic

[mik0rin]

the luvrs club ❥ pothos

pothos: the god of yearning and desire. the passionate longing between lovers, especially when one is unattainable.

“they say distance makes the heart grow fonder but i don’t know how much “fonder” my heart can get. i want to see you, hold you, and feel your skin against mine. why can’t we close the distance and love each other face to face.”

timeskip!iwaizumi x college!black fem reader genre: angst with a happy ending, argument warnings: cursing, insults, mentions of mental health/insecurity word count: 6,975

playlist: spotify apple music

m.list next host

14 hours, 26 minutes, and 16 seconds…. 17…. 18, 

And not a single notification from your boyfriend. You stare at your phone, waiting and silently wishing just one text would pop up. Even the three dots indicating that he was typing would satisfy you but there was nothing there. By now you should be accustomed to the lack of communication but the reason for the radio silence is what bothers you. 

An aggravated sigh escapes your mouth and you get up from your position on the couch, abandoning your phone in the living room as you walk to your kitchen. You begin opening all your cabinets in search of something to soothe the festering irritation in your chest. 

And like an added soundtrack to your life, there’s a tiny voice, one so small- so quiet urging, begging you to go back to your phone and text him. The voice is very persuasive, you cannot deny, as it lists off reasons as to why you should be the one to reach out first. You ignore the whisper, muting it because it can’t always be you. 

A relationship requires the continuous effort of two people and your heart could no longer bear the strain of double work.

“I’m not texting him, fuck all that” You huff as you grab a bottle of juice. 

Soft footsteps thud against the hardwood floor as you trudge back to the comfort of your couch. You pick up your phone again, ignoring the empty notification center and scroll through multiple delivery apps. 

The juice has done nothing to pacify the hurt spreading throughout your body like a never ending flame. You need something else to distract you because soon your thoughts will be gasoline to the wildfire of pain.  

After ordering from your favorite restaurant you switch your attention to the TV, hoping the background noise from whatever you choose would aid in the distraction you so desperately seek. But as you browse through countless anime, Netflix originals, and Disney movies, nothing interests you or rather everything seems to pale in comparison to the situation at hand. 

You shut the TV off and opt to sit in silence, staring at the ceiling and listening to the white noise that fills your apartment. 

It works, for a while. 

Until the quiet is too quiet. Until the steady tick of the clock is growing louder by the second and its echoes in your brain, almost like an insult that still stings your heart years later. Why did you think this was a good idea? Why would you give yourself the opportunity to be alone with your thoughts when that has only destroyed you multiple times before? 

“This is driving me crazy. I have to do something.” You groan, sitting up abruptly. You grab your phone from its spot on the coffee table, once again ignoring the lack of notifications from one Iwaizumi Hajime and calling someone who would listen to all your troubles. 

If you couldn’t be alone with your thoughts then what’s the harm in sharing them with someone else? 

Five rings pass before you hear the click that tells you the other person has finally picked up. There’s something resembling a sigh coming from the other end and you take it as a greeting and a sign to start running your mouth. 

“Kunimi, your friend is a whole bitch and I hope you know that.” 

“Well, happy holidays to you too and I’m good thanks for asking.”  Kunimi replies sarcastically, completely unfazed by your words. 

“Yea, hello or whatever. But can you believe this man hasn’t contacted me in the last-” You glance at the time before continuing, “-14 hours and 36 minutes?”

“You’ve been keeping count?” His voice is steady and level as usual but with the years of friendship between the two of you there’s no way you would miss the shock lurking in between his words. 

Your voice wavers as you bite back tears. 

“Yeah… This is a new record for him. And at this point I can’t figure out if I’m really hurt or just over it all. I never thought he would treat me like this.”

The small sniffle and brokenhearted look you wear is all it takes for Kunimi to understand that whatever has transpired in the past 14 hours has truly hurt you. And the brown-haired boy might not be the greatest at comfort but for his best friend, he would do all he could. 

“What should I do, Ki?” You mumble out. 

His voice softens as he speaks. 

“First you have to tell me what happened. I can’t help you if I don't know.”

“Okay well remember how I said Iwa’s been distant lately? That’s where it all started.”

Time, the most precious element in a long distance relationship. Everything depends on time, whether it be time zones or figuring out how much sleep you can sacrifice to talk to your beloved. And if the one in your heart truly means that much to you, you would scrap up minutes and seconds to hear a warm hello.

Your relationship with Iwaizumi certainly began that way. The hours long facetimes and constant texts. Voice messages and random photos sent throughout the day used to fill the void of physical contact. And staying up late to wish the other good morning before you lay your head down to rest. All of it was enough to keep your heart beating even when you were 5,471 miles apart.

However, the normal hours-long facetimes become simple texts and missed calls. It turns into short two word answers and noncommittal hums in response. All you start to hear from Iwaizumi is “Sorry, I’m busy” and “I’ll call you back later.” 

Those were lies and empty promises of course and as time went on they only got worse. Sometimes you would go days without nothing more than a “hello” and when you pressed for more, it only resulted in disappointment. You tried not to read too much into it, blaming it on school and environment. You began telling yourself you shouldn’t expect so much, that you were being unreasonable and clingy. Hajime had so much to worry about, especially being so far from the only home he’s known and his distant behavior wasn’t a reflection of how he felt about you. 

That’s until he began posting more often and updating his story, something which he never cared about before. You saw him hanging out with friends and going on weekend trips. He was laughing and smiling, a sight you haven’t seen in weeks. You want to be happy for him but you can’t, you can’t because you couldn’t fight off the feeling of being ignored, of being forgotten, and disregarded.

And if that wasn’t enough, that’s when you start seeing her. You didn't know who she was, maybe a classmate or coworker but she’s plastered everywhere like annoying billboards outside apartment windows. She begins showing up in his videos, in his posts, and comments. You didn’t miss the way her arm would drape over his shoulders or her lingering looks full of some emotion you can’t quite place. 

When you ask Hajime about her you make sure it's casual and not accusatory, because the last thing you want to do is start an argument with someone who tends to be blinded by their own pride. His response was definitely one you wanted to hear but not necessarily one you believed. He told you she was his roommate’s sister and that they were just friends. And while all of that seemed true you couldn’t shake the feeling of jealousy. 

The kind that starts to cut away at your soul leaving nasty scars and you’re not sure they’ll ever heal. Why is that she got more of his time than you did? What about her was so special that it cast a shadow on your love? 

So instead of tending to your soul scars, you cover them with cheap band-aids and off-brand ointment. You began making excuses and no longer questioned Iwa’s actions. He was your boyfriend after all. He was yours and you were his, and that should be reassurance enough. 

Well that’s what you thought until one night your phone starts ringing in the middle of your Criminal Minds binge. You reach over, grabbing it from your nightstand and a smile so bright, one that could put the stars to shame stretches across your face. 

He was calling you. After days of barely getting past the hi, hello, and how are you’s, Iwaizumi was making the first move. You press accept, holding the phone up to your ear.

“Hi, Haji!” Your voice is warm and sweet, everything you want his to be. 

All you hear is rustling, indistinct voices, and faint music. So you repeat yourself, assuming he can’t hear you because of bad cell service. 

“Hellloooooo, Hajime?”  

You pull the phone away from your ear and check the time in Los Angeles, it was only a few minutes past 2 pm and you wonder if he’s at work. This would not be the first time Iwa has accidentally dialed your number while on the clock. You decide to check his location that way you could end the call without any worries and shoot him a text to let him know what happened. 

But his location isn’t at the local gym, no he’s still at home and that’s when you hear it. A loud laugh from Iwaizumi and the voice that follows it, her voice. They were together and you were a mistake stuck in his pocket, a voice stuck behind a cracked glass screen. 

You want to be petty, you want to scream and yell profanities loud enough to embarrass them both but you knew your boyfriend. He wasn’t one to react to that and he wasn’t one to cheat either. Iwa was the one who insisted the two of you pursue a long distance relationship after you expressed doubts about it. 

Doubts that are coming to fruition day by day. 

So you text him, asking him if he meant to call you. You knew the answer was no but you just want to see what he does next. The vibration from his phone echoes in the call and you can hear more rustling as he pulls it out of his pocket. 

“Babe?” Iwaizumi questions, heavy confusion dripping from the singular word. 

“I think you called me by accident.” 

“Yea I think so. Didn’t even notice, sorry.” You can clearly picture him rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when he apologized to you. 

“I figured since you seem real busy. I’ll talk to you whenever you decide to actually call me.” You shift in your bed, getting ready to end the call. 

“Nah, I’m not busy. I’ll call you in like two hours, okay?” 

“Mmhm, bye” You hum, not believing it all and ending the call. If he wasn’t busy, why not continue the conversation at that moment?

Unlike usual, disappointment didn’t follow Iwa’s words and to your surprise he did call two hours later. The facetime call started with its usual pleasantries and the feeling that scratched away at your soul had been reduced to a minor itch and that was enough to make you happy for the moment. 

Even if he did keep his word doesn’t mean his behavior changed completely. 

“How were finals? I know you were really worried about it.” You ask. 

“Fine.” His voice is flat and he doesn’t elaborate nor does he ask you about yours.  

This is exactly how the rest of the conversation goes. Hajime treats talking to you like an annoying chore and despite calling you first he only responds with dry answers like he couldn’t be bothered and that’s only if he chose to answer. Other times he would leave your words hanging in the air, unacknowledged and unanswered. Once again you were the only one putting in the effort and it hurts. It feels like a vine is wrapping around your heart and digging its thorns into the delicate flesh. 

“Oh! Did I tell you I got my hair done?” You start taking off your bonnet, excitement buzzing throughout your entire body. You look into the camera, adjusting the black soft locs to frame your face. 

Iwaizumi appears a minute later, his eyes doing a quick glance over before disappearing off the camera like some stupid magic trick. 

“It’s nice.” 

Nice? Just nice? 

You know what would be nice? 

If your boyfriend actually gave you the attention you deserve. If he complimented you in a way that would make your heart swell ten times its size. If he made you feel wanted, made you feel adored. 

But, he didn't.

Instead it’s like he left the door open, letting in the chill of December and your heart was at risk of severe frostbite. 

You let out a shaky breath, swallowing tears of hurt and anger. You've had enough. 

“Do you have something better to do?” 

“What you say?” 

“Do you have something better to do? Am I boring you or what?” You snap. 

“What’s with the attitude? You need to chill out.” Iwa reprimands, not enjoying the sudden change in tone. 

You scoff. An attitude? At this point, he shouldn’t expect anything less especially with the way he’s been treating you. 

“One, don’t tell me what to do. Two, have you even realized this is the first time we’ve talked for more than 5 minutes in the last three weeks? If you would even call this a conversation considering the fact I’m the only one talking.” 

Iwaizumi doesn’t want to argue with you, he doesn’t want the conversation to go any further because he knows how the both of you are. And he knows that anything past the point will only result in a wound much too deep to heal. So he stays quiet. 

But antagonizing him was one of your special talents. 

“And as usual you got nothing to say. You’re on hush mode just as I motherfuckin’ expected. You never fucking change. Or actually you don’t care enough to change.” 

“And exactly how am I supposed to change? What am I supposed to say? It’s not like you ever give me the room to talk. You only talk about yourself. Everything is always about you or are you too self-absorbed to notice?” 

You open your mouth to respond but he cuts you off before the words are able to form on your tongue. 

His voice raises a couple octaves in an attempt to imitate you. 

“It’s always ‘Oh look at my hair Haji,’ ‘I bought this Zumi,’ ‘I got 60 on my test Haji.’ So tell me exactly how I'm going to contribute to the conversation?” 

This isn’t any ordinary imitation, no he’s mocking you. And if he was trying to hurt you, well he could celebrate a win. His statement causes a very familiar feeling to return, the feeling of thorns tearing away at your skin. 

“It’s not like you’re any better, Hajime. Don’t sit on my phone and act all high and mighty. I ask you a question, you brush me off. I try to get you to talk, you don’t even respond. I’m always met with silence like it physically pains you to say more than one letter to me. Do you know how that feels? I feel so little, like I don’t matter, like I'm unimportant. Yet, you have all the energy in the world to talk to other bitches.” 

The dark-haired boy rubs his temples, clearly showing his irritation. 

“Oh so that’s what this is about? How many times do I have to tell you she’s just a friend AND my roommate’s sister. Do you even hear how you sound right now? It’s ridiculous.” 

“I don’t care if she’s the Princess of Geneva. She gets all of your time and attention, while your actual girlfriend has to damn near beg for you to even text her. Do you see the issue? I shouldn’t feel like an outsider in my own fucking relationship. I shouldn’t have to witness you playing house with other people while I have to pray for a crumb of your time.” 

“So I’m not allowed to hang out with the people around me? I have to always cater to you and live my life on your time? When we don’t even live in the same country. Do you expect me to be at your every beck and call? Do you know how exhausting that would be?” 

Those cheap band aids start to peel off one by one. The scars you thought you covered so well, start to sting and burn.

Your voice is thick, full of tears and pain. You know you shouldn’t but you want him to experience even a fraction of what he’s put you through. 

“Is that why you don’t try anymore? Is a little distance too hard for fragile Iwaizumi Hajime? The same Iwaizumi who begged me not to break this off? The same one who promised me he would try to make this work.” 

You continue patronizing him, fake pity exuding from every word. 

“Oh, you poor thing. It must be so hard for you to actually care for your girlfriend. It’s almost like I’m not the one putting in all the effort anyways, like I’m not the one doing all the work. While you get to run away and escape from everything. But I shouldn't be surprised, that is your special talent after all. Running away from every single feeling because they make you feel weak, make you feel less than. Is that why you ran from Japan to California because you aren’t good enough for anything here, right?” 

You know that was a sore spot for him, but you didn’t care. You were tired of being an afterthought, tired of being the one flavor of candy no one picks. 

“You didn’t have to say that. You’re unbelievable, you know that?” Iwaizumi is trying his best to keep his voice stable but those words leaving your mouth were enough to cause a lump to form in his throat. 

“Well believe it and go to hell while you’re at it.” 

You end the call right away, denying him the chance of rebuttal. You sniffle, wiping furiously at your eyes before burying your face into your pillow, wetting it with your tears. 

Click. 

A sound that Iwaizumi never thought twice about, but now it starts to haunt him. With every passing second all he can hear is your words, the pain behind them, and that godforsaken click. It echoes in his brain the same way the tick of the clock echoes in yours. 

The dark-haired boy reaches for his water, downing it all in one go. He was trying to get rid of the lump that has found home in his throat, but no matter how many times he swallows it never seems to leave. It sits there, heavy and hurting like the words exchanged between the two of you. 

If anyone else had listened to that call, Hajime is sure they would never believe him when he tells them, he never meant for it to go that way. He never meant to speak to you like that or make you feel like that, like you didn’t matter to him. 

Because that couldn’t be further from the truth. You mean the entire world to him. Even the world was too small a scale. 

Iwaizumi wants to take the stars from the sky and dump them in your hands, because in his eyes the sky had stolen them from you. And to him that was a crime worthy of the worst punishment. Why would someone steal from you? Why would the sky take away the stars from their rightful owner? 

And it shouldn’t be an excuse but the fact you meant that much to him, maybe that’s what caused the change in his behavior. He couldn’t quite grasp the true weight of his own emotions and with that came overthinking - overthinking that led to insecurity. 

The kind that takes bits of one’s psyche and crumbles it into ash.

Hajime can’t pinpoint when he started feeling that way but he remembers how it consumed him whole. How it was all he ever thought about, how it crept into his mind as he slept - infecting his dreams. 

His mind would race with thoughts of you, of your relationship. He thought about what you were doing, what you were eating, and how you felt about him even though he was physically absent. Those thoughts turned into questions, terrifying ones.

Why does missing you feel like blades to the chest? 

Why do you make him feel so good? And why does he always second guess it? 

What if you saw him the way he saw himself? 

What happens when you realize that your love was better given elsewhere? 

Then followed the doubt, which clouded his mind and he began to think that you would find someone better than him, someone who actually deserves to be loved by a heart as big and as precious as yours. 

And Hajime knows he struggles with vulnerability, with the ability to allow people see him past the image he projects and yet with you that all he ever wants to do, be vulnerable. He wants you to press your ear to his chest and listen to the erratic beating of a heart that belongs to you. Iwa feels safe in your presence even with the 5,471 miles between the two of you. Safe enough to drop whatever guard he has built up over the years and that alone terrified him. 

So he doesn’t tell you about all the things that swim in his brain. Due to the terror but also despite all that, he still always wants to be your big strong boyfriend, the one you can depend one. But how could he do that when he was falling apart on the inside? What if you start to see him as weak, the same way he did every time he looked in that foggy mirror after every shower. 

He decided weeks ago that he would fix it on his own, that way he could come back to you stronger, healthier, and more sound of mind. A person that understands his emotions and knows how to deal with them. So he starts hanging out with his friends more, asking them for advice, and surrounding himself with people that could help him. And if Iwa had told you that’s what he was doing, you would’ve encouraged him wholeheartedly. He knows you would but for some reason he didn’t and his plan didn’t include neglecting you, but he still did. Whether it be intentional or accidental, he still did.

And now this was something new he had to fix. Hajime has to fix it soon because the heartbreak that leaked from your words wounded him in a way he couldn’t describe, but if he were to lose you? No language in the world can detail the pain that would come from his heart being torn apart piece by piece. 

The boy can only pray that there is a way to resolve everything. Because this has given one very sneaky god the opportunity to weed his way into your minds and plant a seed into the loving soil of your relationship. The sprout had started to grow when your hearts ached for each other and now it may bloom into something ugly and twisted. All you can do now is wonder if your love will survive the poisonous flower. 

“That’s what happened. And I woke up this morning to zero texts or calls from him, it’s like he doesn’t even care to fucking apologize.” 

“Did you call or text him?” Kunimi soon realizes that was the wrong question to ask after he hears your very heavy sigh. 

“Why are you asking me stupid questions? ……Why would I do anything when I’m always doing it? That’s the whole reason we argued, Ki. Why do I have to spend my Christmas Eve chasing after him? Hmmm?” You shift on the couch and angle the phone so he could properly see the expression you wore. 

“I was just saying. Maybe he’s waiting for you to reach out to him because he wants to make sure you are ready to talk.” Your best friend explains. And honestly? You wish he would stop talking. It’s always excuses-excuses with men. 

“You’re no help at all, like none. I hope you know that.”  You inform him, growing sick of this conversation. 

“I’m trying! You know this isn’t really my thing.” He mutters out and you can tell it's apologetic. 

“Thanks for trying or whatever.” 

There’s a few beats of silence that settle over the call and you use it to collect your thoughts, or at least attempt to.

“You okay?”  Kunimi asks quite sincerely. 

“Not really.” You answer back just as sincerely.

“Can I come over?” 

“No. Go spend your Christmas Eve with your girlfriend. One of us has to have a good day at least.” 

“You can come with us, she won’t mind. It’s sad being all alone like that.” 

“Thank you for reminding me, Ki. And I’m not third wheeling my best friend and my cousin. I’m not a baby, I’ll be fine by myself for one day.” 

“You sure?” The brown-haired boy questions, worry weighing down his features. 

“Yes, father. Tell Amina I said hi and that she owes me $15.” You crack a small smile, hoping it convinces him. 

“It’s Christmas Eve.” 

“And I’m not in the spirit, so goodbye.” You wave him off, quickly ending the call after you hear his farewell. 

You lied. 

You are a little bit of a baby. You felt lonely and hurt, and it’s not shameful to admit that at this very moment you want to crawl into someone’s arms and bawl your eyes out. But that wasn’t an option, so instead you stare up at the ceiling once again and let the tears fall without someone there to catch them. 

Another 20 minutes of crying pass before a text lights up your phone and a small chuckle falls from our lips. There’s a long text from your cousin cursing your boyfriend out with such creativity, you can only wonder how she comes up with such insults. 

As you exit the text conversation, your finger hover over Hajime’s contact and Kunimi’s words start to replay in your head. If he was really waiting for you to contact him first then that means he didn’t actually listen to you, that he still hasn’t learned anything, and that would take the both of you right back to square one. 

Iwaizumi has to be the one to extend the olive branch first, he has to prove that he wants this relationship to work as much as you do. Or this might be the end. 

Through all the tears and emotional turmoil, you suddenly remember the food you ordered earlier. You check the time, it's been almost an hour since you ordered and you see a message about a delay due to the sudden snow. Absolutely nothing is going right for you today and you wish the holidays would just pass by quickly because it’s only adding on to your sadness. 

You flip over on the couch, burying your face into the cushions in hopes that sleep would overtake you and you could forgot about the present world for a couple hours. Your eyes have only been shut for 5 minutes before your doorbell rings and you ignore it at first, not wanting to hear your neighborhood’s choir rendition of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. But then it rings again and this time you pull yourself off the couch, expecting the delivery man to be holding your bag of long awaited food. 

Opening the door with one hand and grabbing a couple bills for a tip with the other, you start thanking the person and apologizing for making them brave the freezing temperatures. However, your words don’t even touch the chilly air because there was no delivery man and definitely no food. 

No, there was only your boyfriend standing at your doorstep with his suitcases and a very guilty smile. 

And you? 

You slam the door close out of shock or out of anger, you’re still deciding which one. You look out the peephole and watch your boyfriend fidget nervously. His nose is pink and he blows into his hand to keep them warm. A part of you wants to leave him out here and let the cold be his punishment. Maybe then he could finally understand how he made you feel. 

But for some other reason, you’re opening the door and letting him into your warm apartment. You don’t even greet him, you lock the door behind him and walk towards the kitchen. And for once Iwaizumi recognizes your cues and doesn’t follow after you. 

You return about 6 minutes later with two mugs in your hand, a hot chocolate for yourself and a tea for the man roaming about your living room. 

“Thank you.” He flashes you a grateful look and sips the tea, letting it heat up his body. 

You place your cup down and cross your arms over your chest. Your face is emotionless and your eyes tell him absolutely nothing. 

“What are you doing here?”

Hajime flinches at your stern tone. You weren’t happy for obvious reasons and he can’t blame you. 

“Surprise?” Iwa mumbles out, the tips of his ears shifting from pink to red out of embarrassment. 

You threw him an unimpressed look, the answer was obvious. He was here to apologize but if he thought that showing up to your house uninvited was the miraculous cure, Hajime had a long way to go to earn your forgiveness. 

“Don’t play with me right now. You never mentioned coming back to Japan for Christmas.” 

The dark-haired boy shifts his weight from one foot to another. The intensity of your stare as you wait for his response causes the guilt to burn through every nerve, singeing off the ends and leaving him in a fit of fiery emotional pain. Hajime doesn’t know how to start. Should he start with an explanation, or an apology, or a plea for forgiveness? 

You let out a frustrated sigh. Of course, you are met with silence. 

“We aren’t doing this again. So you can leave, I’m sure your parents would be much happier to see you.” 

“No!” It’s a loud objection, maybe even a little too loud. Iwaizumi clears his throat, trying to correct himself. “I mean, I need to stay. I have something to say.” 

You tilt your head to the side in slight interest. Iwaizumi rarely raises his voice in your presence and for him to do it now means that he was serious. And that’s exactly what you want him to be. You want him to take part in the relationship, to do the only thing you’ve ever asked. 

You want him to love you in the way you know he can. 

“Say what you want to say and then I’ll decide if you can stay.” You declare. 

Hajime finally meets your gaze, this is his only chance to fix the mess he created all over your heart. 

“I thought of a million things I could say to you, you know better than anyone I’m not good with words so I practiced my apology but it didn’t feel right. So what I want to say first is, I’m sorry. Extremely sorry for everything I did and I don’t only mean the phone call because this goes beyond that. I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t the first and last thought on my mind, for not treating you the way you deserve. I love you more than I can verbally express and the thought of losing you was-is destroying me inside. And honestly I could stand here and list all the reasons why everything went wrong but I know how much you hate excuses and beating around the bush. But, there is something I want to tell you about my behavior, about why I acted the way I did.” 

Iwa pauses, feeling nervous. Expressing himself in such detail causes panic to settle in, his insecurities start to bubbling up to the surface. Yet, he continues on, he doesn’t need his worries to cause another disaster or deprive you of the apology you deserve. 

“I’ve always wanted to be the type of boyfriend that you can depend on, that is strong enough to lift every obstacle in your way. Especially when you look at me like I can solve every problem even if it’s beyond my abilities, it's just such a sweet look and it makes my heart stop every single time. And one day I started to doubt why you look at me like that when I can’t even breathe without questioning myself. Why do I deserve to be loved by someone with such a pretty heart? And even if I felt all that, I didn’t want you to ever stop looking at me so sweetly. So, I tried so hard to be better for you, for me, for us, that I failed to see what I was doing to you until it was too late.” 

Your gaze starts to soften as you look at him. Hajime didn’t have to be strong all the time for your sake, you love all parts of him. That love is what opened the door for him and let him in. That same love is what listening to him right now and wants to hear everything he has to say. 

Your boyfriend starts rubbing the back of his neck. A very common habit of his. 

He’s apologizing, you think to yourself. 

As he continues his speech, the pain from the soul scars start to disappear. They no longer sting or burn. They start to heal and you wonder if the cure is someone else's treatment. 

“And instead of listening to you, I insulted you. I can’t even repeat what I said because I don’t want you to ever hear those words from me again and I wish I never said them. I wish I could change the past but I can't. All I can do now is take responsibility and work for your forgiveness. So please let me. Let me be a better boyfriend, I wanna make up for everything I did. I want to show you that I love you more than anything. I want to show you that I’m sorry and I’ll apologize to you every day if that’s what it takes. If you asked me to get on my knees I would, If you told me to steal the sun I would. And I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.”  

Silence follows the heartfelt apology and as you take it all in, the words start to slip out of your mouth. 

“You can stay.” You tell him. 

Iwaizumi walks towards you, stopping once he’s close enough for you to hear his heartbeat. His arms around you in the next second, pulling you in for a hug. There’s slight hesitation in his grip like he’s afraid you’ll leave. But when your own arms circle around his waist and clutch onto the back of his shirt, he realizes you weren’t going anywhere. 

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, Zumi. I love you because you’re you and that means I love every single version of you.” You mumble into his chest. 

“I know. I was scared and sometimes I still am. Next time, I’ll talk to you about it.” He responds, hugging you tighter. “There are three more things I wanna tell you.” 

You loosen your grip and lean your head back to look at him. Iwaizumi can practically see the question marks in your eyes and he has to resist the urge to kiss away the cute confusion. 

“I didn’t only come here to apologize. I already planned to surprise you for Christmas. Also, the girl you kept seeing me with was helping me. We get free counseling at UC but it’s hard explaining myself in English. So, since she’s a psychology student that also speaks Japanese, she was helping translate.”  Hajime admits, an apologetic smile on his lips.

You shut your eyes in guilt as you respond. You weren’t exactly saying the nicest things about the two of them when you were upset.  

“You had me cussing you and that girl out in my mind every day. Oh my god, now I feel horrible. Why didn’t you just tell me, Haji?!” 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry” He apologizes once again. “And last thing.” 

Iwa pulls out of the hug, opting to hold on to your left hand instead. He lifts your arm up, twirling you around. 

“What are you doing?” You say between quiet giggles. 

His voice when he speaks this time is soft and sweet, everything you want it to be.

“Admiring my very pretty girlfriend and her hair that I’m obsessed with. You look so good, baby.” 

Hajime keeps twirling you around, showering you with all types of compliments until you’re dizzy from his words and the constant movement. At the same time, he uses his free hand to pull something out of his pocket before pulling you in close. 

“I can’t even see straight right now. Everything is still spinning.”  You tighten your grip on his hand to stabilize yourself. Even in the blurry haze, your eyes still land on your boyfriend’s flushed face. He lets go of your hand and covers your eyes with his palm. 

“Well, now I can’t see at all.” You point out.

“I’m gonna take my hand off now but you have to keep your eyes closed.” Iwa instructs, slowly removing his hand. 

“Okay… Wait. Is this a part of the apology? Are you trying to buy my forgiveness?” 

“Just keep your eyes closed.” It’s a soft demand and you nod your head in understanding. You’ll entertain him for the time being. 

And due to your lack of vision, your hearing is now heightened and you hear every little nervous exhale Iwaizumi lets out. You’re about to ask him what’s wrong when cold metal brushes across your hand and onto your finger.

“You can open them now.” 

Your eyes snap open and immediately you direct your line of sight downward. Your previously bare digit is now housing a new gold ring. 

A very expensive gold Cartier ring. One with a pink diamond sitting in the middle. 

You gasp in awe, eyes glued to the glittering jewelry. The gift giver scans your face, trying to gauge your reaction. He’s been planning this for the last 7 months and even if it didn’t go exactly to plan, he wants to at least please you. 

“It’s a promise ring.” Iwaizumi uses his left hand to hold yours and that’s when you see it. On his ring finger sits the matching band. Tears begin to collect in your bottom lashes and his hands move up to your face, cradling your cheeks. 

“Don’t cry, babe. I cost you enough tears, okay?” His thumbs swipe away the tears as they fall and you nod a frantic yes to let him know you’re listening. “It’s a promise that I will love you the way you deserve to be loved and prove I can be better until I can replace that ring and make you a new promise.” 

“I’m trying not to cry but this is the sweetest and most expensive thing anyone has ever done for me. How did you afford this?” Even as you speak, tears still slide down your face and he still wipes away every single one.

“Don’t worry about that.” He dismisses your question. The cost was covered by extra shifts and side jobs. And a refund check. “Do you like it?” Hajime redirects the conversation, he knows you won’t stop asking unless you’re distracted by a new topic. 

“I love it, I love it so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

Your boyfriend reaches into his pocket for something else as you continue admiring your beautiful ring. 

“You know I’ve always wanted to be a Cartier girl.” You tell him. 

“I know, and haven’t you always wanted to do this too?” He uses the hand still on your face to tilt it upwards. 

Mistletoe.

Iwaizumi is dangling a Mistletoe plant over the two of you.

A grin brighter than every single Christmas light settles on your face. You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing your face closer to his. 

“Merry Christmas Eve.” He whispers. 

“You’re really sneaky, you know that?” You whisper back. In response, Hajime only smiles before gently pressing his lips onto yours. He kisses you with such tenderness and care, that you melt into his embrace. He wants you to know you mean everything to him, that you’re his everything. 

And now, you know it all. You know how he adores you, how he treasures you. So, you return it with your own message, one that speaks of your budding forgiveness and longing. 

All of Iwaizumi’s attention is on the feeling of your soft lips on his, making him drop the mistletoe. When it hits you, you flinch at the sudden sensation. 

“Sorry.” The dark-haired boy mumbles into the kiss. 

“It’s okay.” You reassure him and your small laugh gets lost in between your lips. 

“I love you. I love you so much.” He repeats over and over until you can feel the vibration of his vocal cords all over your body. 

“I love you too.” 

taglist for all my works are still open so <3 tag me

a/n: hiii, sorry for like ghosting yall… i had so much shit going on (switching majors, health, etc) but since it’s summer imma try posting more consistently and i have a lot fics in the planning stages so look out for those 😋,, hopefully u enjoyed the very overdue 1st installment of the luvrs club

taglist: @theehottiehwa @santoteez @thathoneybee3 @satorose @shotarobabymomma

#haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu x black reader #iwaizumi x black reader #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi x y/n #iwaizumi fanfic #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi angst #iwaizumi fluff #the luvrs club #saturn’s masterlist #mik0rin’s masterlist #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi x black y/n

[loonbark]

Ok first off. I haven't read the comics that come before this movie. So anything from there that adds or explains stuff in the movie idk about.

This was made to sort my brain out in general, but also kinda give the Barb Wire Birds a look into how I processed the original fight. It's also spaced weird because I have yet to understand Tumblr spacing and junk

I might also be looking at this whole thing wrong so. My only previous knowledge is a handful of videos about those comics.

Anyway.

When Leo gets home Raph is excited but refuses to let the others see that he is or indulge it. His big brother is home but doesn't expect this to be anything but temporary. Leo has been gone for a year meaning he thinks he can lead the team finally.

But he's happy to have his brother back, but reasonably bitter about everything left unresolved.

Leo went on a solo lesson on how to become a /team/ leader might I add?

The lessons he was taught he threw out the window when he fights Raph.

Raph originally doesn't even /want/ to confront Leo when Leo finds him as the Night Watcher.

Raph got hurt and when Leo confronts him about being out, he just argues. Raph is sick of Leo by this point so he leaves. Deciding his family doesn't need or want him.

Everyone but Raph goes home to talk plans but Splinter scolds Leo. Saying the team still needs Raph to be complete. So he goes.

Leo was supposed to find Raph but abandoned that idea when he saw the NW, instead chasing after him instead finding his brother as asked.

Leo chases Night Watcher to the roof.

Raph is stuck on the roof and has no were to run. Leo starts lecturing who he doesn't know is Raph. Saying that "I want you to know that I appreciate your intentions....but you can't change the world like this. The road you're on is a dead end. Believe me. I've tried it,"

Raph likely has heard similar lectures in the past and still upset from earlier, pulls out his weapon.

Leo seems eager to blow off steam and likely sees the Night Watcher as just another person doing more harm than good that needs to be taken care of.

Leo taunts NW. Noting out loud that he has quite the temper.

Something I want to point out is that Leo grew up with Raph, and trained with him. He knows how to push his brother's buttons.

Leo likely took his knowledge about how Raph behaved and applied it to Night Watcher, and it works. Because of its /Raph/.

Raph gets mad and slips up. They've probably done this song and dance before. It's likely one of the reasons why Raph wasn't chosen to go on the leadership mission.

He's been out every night for who knows how long, probably not getting enough sleep too.

Leo sees the opportunity and takes it.

Upper cutting Night Watcher and sending him flying. And when Leo goes to see who it was under the helmet he's surprised it's Raph.

Up until that moment, he thought he understood Raph entirely. His hot-headed, brash, angry little brother.

He looks shocked when Raph stands up.  He waits for Raph to say something, to explain but gets kicked away.

Now this is where it really kicks up.

"You are so smug, you know that? You think the world revolves around you, don't you? We couldn't survive without the mighty Leonardo to guide us through our problems. Well, I got a news flash for you: We got along just fine without you."

Raph shouts at him after catching Leo off guard.

Leo just discovered what Raph has been up to and likely been using to cope with Leo having been gone, and the extreme change.

Raph could get away as a solo hero before with just Casey knowing. But Leo wouldn't let that continue if given the chance.

Raph can't go back now. He can't run off or backtrack. The Nightwatcher is gone, leaving Raph alone.

Raph didn't have Leo to count on before, why would he now especially?

"Oh, and this qualifies as "just fine"? Dressing up like it's Halloween every night?" Leo shoots back. He doesn't get why Raph would do any of that. Leo and he have always been part of a team, why go solo now? Even if he did that exact thing.

Leo hasn't been with the others for a year. And in that time he never wrote home once, so when April tells him "We don't know what Raph gets up to. He sleeps all day."  he likely expects Raph to have just blocked himself off to his room.

Not fighting crime because Raph missed it and misses Leo.

But Raph has been out fighting crime and doing a mirror of what Leo has been doing that whole year.

The Night Watcher was two different things to them though.

Leo saw it as something that put them all in danger. Some joke Raph was using to get into more fights and cause trouble.

His little brother tried to do what he did but recklessness and anger drove it instead.

Raph was going night after night to protect the city and the family , "Crime doesn't take a vacation" as Raph put it.

It was his way of keeping the family safe and having normality while trying to cope with Leo having left. But also taking his frustrations out on something besides his family.

"Don't push it, Leo. You can't leave and come back....expecting us to fall in line like your little soldiers."

"Hey, I was training. Training to be a better leader, for you. Why do you hate me for that?"

Leo has no real clue what happened in the year they were gone. But what kept him going was that this training would helo him be better for the family. But he doesn't know the things Raph likely learned.

What he does know is that Raph has always argued on him being leader.

he doesn't know that Splinter seemed to be considering Donnie to take over as leader (this is a personal guess. And if it is correct, would likely add more to Raph's frustration)

Leo doesn't know Raph has been drifting away. That he doesn't bother telling the others what he's up to.

"Yeah, I do nothing. You're right. You got me all figured out." is what he says to Donnie when they get in the squabble. He doesn't bother trying with them anymore.

Raph has been running a solo act for my guess is around a year. Taking and accessing things on his own without the others butting in, or having to worry about them.

Raph doesn't hate Leo for trying to be a better leader.

He's mad because Leo wants to learn to lead them with them. Instead, he just followed Splinter's order and left them. Never sending a word home about anything. Only coming home after your friend tells you about how the family is coping.

He doesn't hate Leo. He hates his decisions and how he's too stubborn to listen. Earlier in the movie he even calls him Splinter Jr.

But it's hard to love someone when they just see you as a obstacle instead of a aid.

"Why is it everyone's got such a hard time believing I am a good guy?" I wouldn't doubt what he says is also him upset his family never seems to understand he's being good. Just in a way they don't get.

Moving on.

"And whoever said I wanted to be led? I'm better off calling my own shots now. Get used to it."

"You aren't ready. You're impatient and hot-tempered. And more importantly, I'm better than you."

"Oh, you know something, big brother? I'd have to disagree with you on that one."

Leo breaks. He throws any lessons he learned in his year away because of Raph.

He insults Raph for even considering the idea.

Raph /never/ says he wants to lead. He basicly says he never wants to lead. Raph never implies he wants to be a leader.

But Leo seems to believe he does no matter what he says. He can't seem to get why Raph would even go solo.

Leo assumes Raph wants to lead. Raph says he's better off alone.

He knows he can't lead and doesn't dare be responsible like Leo tries to be. He can't get his brothers hurt if he's a solo act.

Also, why try when your older brother and father would 100% argue and disagree with anything you do?

"Don't do this Raph"

"I'm done taking orders"

These are the last words spoken before the fight ends.

The fight between Leo vs Nightwatcher compared to Leo vs Raph is different.

Leo fights a vigilante he thinks is being careless. Trying to take his family's place, proving to himself being gone for so long was worth it.

For Raph it was an attempt to get Leo to piss off, to knock him down a peg. Only for it to end badly for him.

But the fight between him and Raph wasn't those things.

For Leo, it was many things. To get Raph to back down and to prove he was a leader. To get Raph to stop nagging and being upset at him. But also a attempt go get Raph to stay. How many times have they had this fight before? How many times did Raph say he was going to leave but never did? Except this time it was a promise. But Leo refuses to let Raph be right on this.

For Raph it was everything. It was confronting his older brother. It was defending his pride and honor, and why he did the things he did. It was to get Leo to finally listen and believe him, to not underestimate him. To have a proper excuse to leave.

Leo underestimated Raph's anger and will in that fight.

But Leo makes it a point to not even rile up Raph compared to the NW fight. He doesn't even insult him. Raph was riled up already and more focused. Leo likely thought he'd win.

Raph was so angry. He wanted Leo to go leave, fuck. Maybe just apologize even.

Sais are used to disarming opponents, even breaking them if used right.

Leo and Raph know this. But they always stopped before that could happen.

Raph doesn't stop. He breaks Leo's twin katanas.

He breaks a part of Leo's identity. Raph breaks away from Leo. Leaving him in shock and leaving an opening for Raph.

Raph has Leo pinned to the ground, sais dangerously close to his brother's head.

Both are surprised for a moment.

Leo seems disappointed and upset. Yet in the end not surprised. He almost seems to ask Raph if he's proud of himself.

His brother was always hot-headed and strong. Of course, he nearly kills him.

Raph is horrified and runs, he had almost killed his brother. And Raph when he realized what he nearly did is all the more scary.

Not only is he capable of killing his brother, he almost DID.

It's after that when Leo is captured

Both are right and wrong. Blame can be put on both.

But the most at blame is Splinter.

Raph and Leo have a rocky relationship, and the separation for Leo's training didn't help.

Had Leo not gotten captured Im not sure if Raph would've come back for a long while.

#2007 tmnt #2007 leo #2007 nightwatcher #2007 raph #2007 raph vs leo #God my brainrot is so massive #This probably makes no sense but what ever

[raymend]

Unironically its insane that there was "if you dont wear your binder at all opportunities youre not really transmasc" discourse. like i dont even know how to describe how crazy and invasive that is to make assumptions based off of ones' willingness to put themselves through pain especially when like .. There's diminishing returns if you have a larger chest like some people do not consider it worth it especially when it IS relatively expensive AND painful

like also too how that happened literally alongside the weird ass misinformation campaign of like how you supposedly could ruin your chances to get top surgery from binding too much ... its literally so vile how absolutely toxic these communities were for kids trying to find their identity and how hopeless and dark they made it seem.

like i cant help but get mad at the adults who popularized this narrative and the isolation this kind of thinking created. its so messed up to tell that to 13 year olds figuring shit out for the first time who are already often extremely vulnerable and depressed its like. Okay so youre telling a depressed teenager that life doesnt get better and that you only deserve to transition is youre in horrific agonizing dysphoria 24/7.... like i dont know how you do that and be liek Ahaha look at me one of the good ones....

i also think too like back to the isolation piece.. when you are jumping down the throat of other trans people in a weak effort to be the most normal and valid and socially acceptable "one of the good ones" people obviously you cant empathize with people with different experiences from you... which in turn would have caused you to realize whats wrong with this kind of thinking in the first place.

idk. ive been thinking a lot about it recently because i feel like it still has its tendrils in me in terms of how i approach gender nonconformity + how like ashamed i used to feel for wanting to dress feminine sometimes lol now that im around trans people that are normal about this stuff BECAUSE they didnt absorb it im like Wow this did really bad stuff to my brain at a really tender time in my development and absolutely wrecked the friendships i had at the time with other trans people LOL

i think it's easy to look at it as an online discourse of yesteryear instead of like a genuinely harmful ideology that veryyyy much went along with other right wing/alt right rabbit hole shit. its really bad + the way that some people talk about it its clear to see that they don't see the genuine harm it caused/causes like. Guys i dont think this was a quirky phase i think you need to actually deconstruct your preconceived notions of the gender binary and abandon your obsession with optics in order to be normal about this for real

#ray.txt #long post #Sorry this is 1 million words im like if a guy was thinking

[dbphantom]

I've been rereading some of my Bl3 h2o au and actually I missed it sm lol bbbbbbbbbbb info dump incoming

It's wild bc some parts come across as awkward to me now after about 2-3 years... To me this fic is very recent so to think I've improved enough to recognize flaws in such a short amount of time... Wha!!

Also Junpai-7 arc my beloved. That's all. I love this arc. Twin sun planet that hates the moon and has sun festivals with Digby Vermouth to celebrate longer days. Custom made RGB Guardian OC that designed mermaids and furthers 'Eridian experimentation' lore and she eventually teams up with the Crimson Raiders after talking to Tannis. The fact that I accidentally called Guardian possession as a lore mechanic because I wanted a way to fit being moonstruck into my silly au. There are pirates and vampires and double-crossing mermen and an Eridian Compass that points the owner to an underwater Vault that becomes a huge whirlpool with a giant sea monster inside. This arc is SO self-indulgent and I love it so much.

Also when ur reading the Pandora 'main story' stuff u can see where I decided the Crimson Raiders' new base on Pandora was going to be Roland's Rest while they build Sanc-III during the main story because it abruptly cuts back to it in the middle of an arc LOL (and also where I decided there was a Pandoran moon pool in the Salt Flats instead of a lineage factor to this one... Because moon pools... I wanted to fit one into the main story to have a basis for the 'revisiting junpai-7 with the Crimson Raiders' arc OK shhh)

And I forgot I killed off Emma and Nino and actually my heart broke when they died bc I was like 'Awww I missed the Black Ops Squad' AND THEN THEY WERE DEAD hhggghhh but This arc also has all the Obsidian Block lore with all the characters being named after H2O villains (Greg, Sophie, Dr. Denman, Will...) and ALSO explains some Eridian lore and I think is also the first time I refer to moonstone from tps as its 'scientific' name which is Cythium-3 :) AND this is where Barnabas betrays Zane after joining the Black Ops Squad and starts their whole thing. Very back-and-forth with the vibes overall... Also lowkey can't wait to see what the actual lore explanation is for the triangle jackets because I will be permanently ignoring that in favor of my Black Ops Squad designs thank you (the jackets were bc they were all part of the Dahl Black Ops outfit on Pandora (referencing that ECHO Captain has about Zane) before they were abandoned, but they were nice af jackets so they kept them and replaced the Dahl logo with the triangle design)

Also also there are SO MANY references to stuff that isn't just H2O... In the junpai-7 arc the Rogues (Clay and the gang) are in the process of smuggling the Eridian Compass to a place called Mariejois when Zane shows up to steal it for the pirate queen Cutlord Karuu bc I love One Piece and it's Pirates okay. Also Zane drinks and enjoys Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, in which he compares the headache after getting moon-driver-struck to getting his brain smashed in with a brick without the lemon.

Also oh my god Zoomer is baby I'm so sorry I forgot about you 🥺 he's so small and beeps so much... He's just doing his best... Yeah he will shoot you but he's trying his best okay don't judge him... Blane (stands for Blue Zane) on the other hand is a total dick and messes with Zane at every opportunity and I think that's beautiful. He's only like that because tediore accidentally switched out the personality cores for the clone so he's the exact opposite of Zane

#I forgot I worked future opportunity into the story too... With all the hyperion workers trying to survive and maintain their structure #I just missed this au a lot #Basically fixes every complaint I have with the main game #(Troy becoming the main villain after Tyreen dies. The full story taking place solely on Pandora with other planets being dlc stuff. #Getting to explore future versions of BL1 and 2 areas. Working in the consequences of the bl2 story into 3 (the twins using old Dahl and #Hyperion outposts to house the cult and do eridium mining). Old Vault Hunters actually being with the Raiders and around and important. #There's tons more but tag typing is ehhh. Let's just say Bl3 h2o au my beloved) #H2O au #Cruddy rambles #I FORGOT TO MENTION #Maya not permanently dying for no reason #Ava getting the Leech powers #Bc like. Otherwise she has basically a nonexistent arc... She complains and then gets what she wants in the end... Boo! #And the Vault of the Architects actually existing and having monsters that Troy absorbs to get his boss fight powers

[jemmo]

More vegaspete brain rot because these idiots won’t let me have a moment of peace

So

Does Pete escape on his own and leave Vegas behind or does Vegas let him go himself? What are we thinking

oh anon you are asking the most difficult questionsssss

i rlly dont know, mostly bc i have no idea how these last 2 eps are gonna pan out. i feel like shit is rlly gonna hit the fan, and something so big is gonna happen that it affects everyone in the show, like everyone coming together and taking sides and deciding where their loyalties lie. bc of everything going on with korn and his relation to porsche's parents, i feel like there might be a want to turn against him, esp if its revealed he did some bad shit involving porsche's family, which then drives kinn to decide who he sides with. ideally, what i'd like is a joining forces to take down shitty mafia fathers and kinn and vegas take the reins but thats probably wishful thinking, but my ability to predict these next 2 eps is so minimal that my brain is just going everywhere.

all this to say i think it depends how much longer vegas and pete are together before shit blows up that dictates how they separate. pete's already been given a chance to run and he didnt, in fact he only used that opportunity to get closer to vegas, so i feel like they wouldnt make him escaping a plot point, not when he's been given the chance twice and he's still there. what i'm more tied between is whether pete actually leaves at all, bc that would be the test of where his loyalties lie. if shit goes down and the main family are in trouble, pete might want to go back and protect them, bc of his loyalty to the family and how much he cares about the other bodyguards. if thats the case its a question of does he run without vegas knowing, does he ask or beg vegas to go and vegas lets him, or does vegas not let him leave at all, either bc he feels too much for pete now or bc having pete is this one up he can use against the main family, again it all depends on where their relationship is at that moment.

bc equally pete might be more committed, such that when shit hits the fan he insists he stays with vegas, to protect him, bc he cant leave him alone, not now that he cares. so then does vegas listen, or does vegas let pete go, bc he thinks pete would be safer with the main family, away from him, bc he's the one that people want to get to . literally the possibilities are endless, but what i hope is that from this we see vegas showing real care for pete, being the good guy for once, and in return pete stays by his side, for the first time he's not left alone, not abandoned, the one he loves doesnt leave him. if not, i feel like them separating would be such heart break but thats some ultimate pathetic level vegas i want to see, which would be made even better to see his face when pete returns to him. idk anon i just know i want drama and feelings and shock bc thats my jam

#more senseless rambling guys #but rlly i just wanna see how what is a very physical and tense and messed up relationship becomes something full of feelings and emotion #and how they each go about it and come to the realisation that maybe this is the man i love #im just so eeeeeeeeeeeek #bc i want it to be so messy and fucked up and full of insanity that is so very very them #kinnporsche #vegaspete

[flamedoesart]

Woooooo ok going back to my old ways for this one

have you noticed an issue with consent in tommy centric sbi storys? cuz like i feel like a lot of the time shit just fucking happens to him

like in a lot of sbi storys(not just dark sbi ones) i feel like tommy gets little to no agency. like for instance if tommy runs away they drag him back kicking and screaming(no exaggeration). and the next day hes like “lol guys im so sorry i was so rude and i love you so much”. i think it has a lot to do with mental health issues as well. because often in these storys they treat him like he js so mentally ill and sad and suicidal and shit that he cant make decisions for himself.

i guess it also ties into him being ooc a lot in these fics too. like especially in fics where he is a hybrid. like they make it so hes just so soft and uwu baby and he cant make any desisions for himself because he needs his family to do it for him and he never swears or is angry at them💞💞💞💞❣️❣️💕💕💗💗💓💓💖💖 because also they often use the hybrod thing so that when he expresses any anger or discomfort/displeasure with what is happening the just scratch behind his ear so his brain stops working and then its a-okay.

this stuff especially bothers me because i am a trans person who came out when they where 10 so when child characters dont get agency it really grind my gears, as literally no one would say.

and listen i know all of it is just an excuse to have some fluffy sbi moments, and an opportunity for the writer to get the comforts they cant in real life by 3 famous “hot” men . but i dont think that makes it ok.

1. the way they do it infantilizes neuro-divergent

This one is pretty easy to explain, when you say your character with abandonment issues, ptsd, anxiety, adhd and whatever orher shit you give them is soooo cute and helpless and needs other people to make good decisions for him weather he likes it or not🥺🥺🥺 its bad. its bas because it reinforces the idea that all mentally ill people are children or child like.

2. its lazy

listen bbg i get that you wanna feel loved but you could put in even a 🤏 that would be great. it is easy to just not gove your characters agency so you can get to the part you have been replaying in your head over and over a little faster, but its unsatisfying. if you just do a little bit of work, like maybe instead of wilbur telling tommy he cant leave, maybe wilbur says he doesnt want him to leave, so tommy doesnt leave. this shows that wilbur is viewing tommy as a full human person, it shows that tommy loves wilbur, but it also shows that tommy isnt healed enough to admit that.

boom baby i came up with that in like 5 seconds

god im sorry if this is just word vomit i just feel strongly about this fan-fiction trend

tldr: please for the love of god just give tommyinnit a little agency

Sorry I haven’t answered this yet, I did see it in my inbox but then forgot about it. 😭

But honestly yeah I agree with this, although for c!Tommy this is nothing new, literally every character on the dsmp has been mischaracterized and boiled down to one character trait in fanfiction. Morally complex characters like c!Wilbur, c!Sam and c!Quackity being the worst offenders.

But since this is about SBI we will stick to that.

The thing is that a lot of authors do project themselves onto their fave and since in this case it’s c!Tommy, there’s gonna be a lot of woobifying involved. I agree that removing any agency c!Tommy has is not a good way to write him, however I’m a little more sympathetic to him being woobified in fanfics only because in canon he doesn’t get that many moments to be properly loved and taken care of.

Not saying it’s really a great idea, but I understand why.

I personally get annoyed too when authors remove c!Tommys scathing tongue in fanfics. Bc hey guess what, he can be fucking mean and rude at times too. He calls people a bitch and other words but the key aspect of c!Tommy is that his way of showing love is, a lot of the time, proven through actions.

In SBI fics where he is made way more childish than he honestly needs to be (like come on guys, the cc is 18, you can make him a little childish but don’t overdo it for the sake of fluff) it kinda takes away the realism and like you said, his agency. c!Tommy doesn’t just take things lying down, he is rough edges and biting words, that’s who he is.

I think fic authors can do better than just making him a babied version of himself because not only is it kinda :/ to make him constantly dependent upon other people but it’s also just ooc.

I don’t really have much more to say on the matter though, I’ve seen so much ooc writing come out of this fandom alone that it’s impressive (in a /neg way)

#asks #ableism tw #kinda #fandom critical

[youngster-monster]

MY APOLOGIES FOR THE LACK OF ASKS i have been a. learning spanish, b. getting zero sleep because im busy going like "oh no oh god i oughta remember how to say my name in spanish or my spanish teacher will break down my door and kill me (my spanish teacher is not going to do this)" which is of course the reason that c. i have been forgetting to take my melatonin. so. uh oh. my brain is at full capacity for once

i was so young when i was on that forum i think that it made me sentient too like what.. i Never thought that hard about the consequences of my actions before then. real talk though id still make a gazillion accounts if i found another site without a confirmation. call me a bastard but i know opportunity for comedy when i see it

fanwriting is SO FUN!!!! i have a bit of a hard time sticking to any one thing to write in terms of ideas so i have a thousand unfinished ideas and by the time i start to stick to an idea i lose motivation to work because of all the previous failed ideas... im workin on it . maybe if i hit myself with a wrench it will fix my brain and i will be able to crank out three billion fics in 2 minutes (< - - - - coping)

BLUE DOT.... ON MY TUMBLR DOT COM........ most important thing ever for real

communing with the spirit of baby you is really fun tbf its like . for me its like wish fulfillment almost. all the things baby me wouldnt or couldnt have done in 2012 or something, i can do NOW!!! thats crazy to me. a lack of fake accounts is sadly the price to pay for silly mode i think

hello again anon!! I sympathize with your language plights, I too still get stress dreams about highschool German. Although I hope your learning of Spanish is more. Like. Willing.

Yeah the telltale wips under the floorboard are a real thing. You gotta learn to embrace them or let them go for good or they'll drive you Mad

Previous abandoned ideas are mulch! For the soul!!! No love however brief etc etc. Also you never know when motivation will circle back around to kick you in the head so that's fun ( < recently wrote 50k words of a fic idea I had and abandoned years ago)

Only one account is definitely a small price to pay for Baby Wish Fulfillment!! I wish I could send my own fics back in time I think 12 years old Kangoo would go crazy about them

#Asks #anonymous #While a lovely woman my HS German teacher would absolutely have kicked down my door #Screaming about declinations or god knows what else #Monac 3 was one of the tell tale wips for a BIT if the three years starting date didn't make it clear enough #But I got back around eventually and I'm so glad for it. Love this little guy #The 50k fic in question is my ff8 one if that wasn't clear. I haven't finished Another old wip #Tho I wish

[makahimetenshi]

Follow me inside the wastelands - Chapter 22  -Arthur Maxson x Female Sole Survivor Fanfic

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14242575/22/Follow-me-inside-the-wastelands

Welp I said final stage like 6 chapters ago and I said ten…I mean we are at the final stage but its not going to be ten, its taking me a bit of trouble to make them fight since I love them so much and I think I did a pretty decent job at developing their relationship. But yeah im gonna try to enter into the final stage I promise

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and coments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive coments of wanting to know what happends next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

Yeahyeayeayeayayaya…they sleep together. And it was satisfying.

Of course he wouldn’t be so silly to think that they were deeply in love again after some sex nononono…but he was glad they did, they were definitely closer than other days at least for now. Nora was playing with the hairs in his chest and he missed being this close.

There’s some things off, like, she didn’t want to be touched on the belly, he realized at the third time she moved him off there, he gets it, still it was weird, she wasn’t feeling comfortable of that part of her body even if obviously it was too early for something to be visible, he would swear she wasn’t pregnant at all if it wasn’t for all daily Cade test.

His primitive human brain felt so aroused about knocking his pregnant partner but sadly it was too early yet to fully enjoy it.

-I was going to be the new leader of the institute you know? –welp, a sudden open of heart, yes, he can deal with it now, okay. Although the institute was around no more he appreciates this efforts deeply, even if some were…mind-blowing- Shaun told me and his workers that his illness was too far to be stopped, and he wanted to give someone the leadership of the institute.

-Mmm –he leaves a smooch on her head before hugging her tighter- you haven’t much of a clue how to manage the institute of what they were even doing until now.

-Exactly, I know the place for only…a few weeks and still wasn’t sure how they managed to convince themselves that what they were doing was a good thing, I was open-minded because I wanted to try it for Shaun but I still hadn’t see anything good from them, I didn’t see any justification-her gaze turned dark at the memory and he waited until she was ready to talk- until I insisted, and he just say that I wouldn’t understand like I was some ignorant prick

-You could continue to live the life you wanted so much as leader –it was crazy how this vault dweller had so much opportunities, crazy things happens in the wastelands- people do crazy stuff just a maintain a certain lifestyle.

-Don’t tell me, I knew a guy who would enslave and kick people out of their settlements just to maintain his lifestyle with a bunch of raiders…but anyway he offers me that option…-she took a moment to breath and swallow saliva, heard it- and I betray him –Arthur didn’t want to say anything, it didn’t feel right to make an opinion in this subject- his mother betray him

-Its not like that –he coudltn judge if it was manipulation or if she was just talking out loud but she say this things about being a horrible mom to put her image down…not sure if it was to punish herself or try to convince him.

-I turn down one of the little things he tried to gave me –welp the leadership of the institute didn’t look like a little thing- my only son

Arthur wanted to…speak what it feel like truth for him out loud: that her son turned to be a son of a bitch mass killer that will use and test with his own mother, that bastard didn’t have anything real to give her and it wasn’t her fault at all, she didn’t betray him, she wasn’t a bad mom for not supporting and stay around such a bastard. Enough with feeling bad, that man turned into an adult enough to knew what he was doing, a grown-ass man much older than her and even wiser with much opportunities and time to reflect, he didn’t have on his entire life any lack of anything, neither a rought life apparently and choose that path anyway, just a motherfucker. He didn’t deserve any of Noras time and thoughts, too much credit.

She didn’t need to feel this bad and confused for that dead bastard. It wasn’t worth it. Piece of scum.

His hand place in the back of her head and Nora take the chance to snuffle her nose in his chest and smell, breathing deeply, crushing her warm breath against his skin. Why they cant be like this forever? He feared she will go again.

-Are you afraid of performing as a mom again or being a mom again? –Nora didn’t understand the question.

-Isnt the same thing?

-No –she stay in silence for a few seconds, thinking her words carefully.

-Being a mom.

Shit.

He stay in silence for a few seconds, thinking in his words carefully.

-Im going to be a dad too you know? Ill be happy if you stay by my side and guide me.

Truth is he wasn’t scared at all, he was prepared for this since a long time, much even before knowing her, it was expected from him to have a son and continue the legacy of his lastname. This wasn’t bad.

She took some time before moving again, leaving a trail of kisses starting on his chest and rising trough the neck to his cheek. Gosh he missed his.

Its not like he think that because they have sex they were good now…but even if he tried to sleep in her arms he cant, Nora would have…apparently nightmares and wake up all night. Arthur pretended to be sleep but everytime she went off the bed to walk in circles around the bedroom…well of course he notices. Obviously it was dark and he cant see much, but the gestures in her hands, the way she touches her hair and specially how she grabbed her belly…she wasn’t having a good night. Dark thoughts were haunting her tonight, filling her head with noise and her body with anxiety.

The first time he wake up too, fearing that she would take the chance of him being sleepy to run away. But when ask her to come back to bed she said something about needing a cup of tea, she made it, and come back to bed to drink it inside the sheets, warming up her feets with his, playing lightly with his toes.

The second time he caught her looking at her siluette in a mirror, it was the first time she seem interested in…her body…

Then she came back to bed and try to sleep.

The third time…she was walking in circles in front of the bed playing with her hair while taking big breaths out.

Arthur would watch everything. She was indeed conflictuated.

There wasn’t a fourth time but…he knew she wasn’t sleeping, Nora would move and spin around the bed a lot, he even caught her looking at the ceiling once.

He wished for her to feel safe and at peace around him.

Lately he was a light sleeping person, he had to, this week specially, so when Nora approached him to leave a smooch on his forehead in the morning he wake up immediately recognizing the sensation but not opening the eyes just enjoying the feeling. Yeah, he loved this, he could be in any place in the world and recognize it, the warm of her skin so close to his, the softness of her lips, the sticky of her lipstick, the sound of her breath, how her black locks fall in his cheeks…

He stay there for a few seconds, smiling with his eyes closed until she went away, Arthur open his eyes slowly to get amused to sunlight, still smiling, until his vision turn clear and see her, she wasn’t as happy as him, her face seemed…sad.

She had a cup of something brewing in her hand, by the smell it could be coffee and also was dressed…dressed to go outside, dressed for battle, prepared.

-Drink elder, it’s a cold morning –he sat on the bed, looking at her crossed eyebrows and plain eyes, taking the cup between his hands.

-Its something wrong? –he simply ask but she look to another side, a dead point in the wall.

-Im going out

What?

-No –his voice tone failed to him, full of worries.

-I said im going, im not asking this time

-Nora…-not now, not so early, not in the mornings he didn’t want to have problems.

-Im the sentinel and I still have time until obligatory maternity leave –ohnonono not this.

-Yeah, like 5 days, you are almost 2 months now –he said taking a sip of his hot coffee, ridiculous.

-Cool, im taking them –Arthur sighted, rolling his eyes, Nora cross her arms still not looking at him.

-Don’t be a clod –his hands started shaking with the heavy coffee cup, he didn’t need this stress with the hot liquid.

-I have things to do

-You don’t fool me, I know what you are trying and you are being mad if you think ill let you…-there was a hint of rancor and disgust in his voice and that hurt Nora, like getting stabbed in the chest.

-I don’t know what im going to do! –Arthur saw her scream and shout her eyes- all options were horrible! You know why im still here!? Why I didn’t die in the wastelands when Shaun dropped me out there like an abandoned dog!? Because im afraid of dying! I will do everything to survive! To go on! But I do not want to be a mother again!

-Then stay! –he put the coffee at a side, fearing to drop it and burn both- I can help to overcome your fears, ill be at your side!

-They were all so risky and unsafe and i…i…I done a lot of dangerous things, I mostly don’t fear to go wild, im usually brave or stupid to go on on so many things that everybody ask me but…that was on myself…-she put a hand over her stomach, Arthur swallow saliva, it was the first time he see her…recognizing her belly as a pregnancy one- only myself and people who agreed to be there, or thrust me to be there with them.

-You don’t want to hurt it, I get it –slowly, very slowly, his hands placed in her knees, doing little circles to play a bit, trying to be close- stay, you don’t need to do any of this

-But I wish none of this would happen, ever –that hit Arthurs heart like a heavy rock, but he shaked his head, there was no time to feel bad- I never wanted to get pregnant again

-I love you in any state

-I need to find a solution Arthur –the way she said that broke his heart.

-There’s no solution where the three of us aren’t together –he was trying so hard to convince her, to put her feelings first in consideration to approach in the direction he needed

-I took none of that options also because…I was afraid of hurting you…-his hands stopped, then why?  Why would she make him go through this?

-Im hurt –he said plane and simply, he knew this wasn’t about Nora not wanting a family particularly with him, but anyone, he wasn’t the problem, she loved him but his situation was testing their relationship. She pressed her lips hating to be in this place right now, she should leave first, to not cause him all this pain, or at least not be present to see it, it was so hurtful to watch, it burned.

-I need to do something about it, find another path

Both stay in silent, he wanted to cry so much, his breathing was preparing him for that and Nora could see it.

-I can respect this five days…then ill go find you, after five days Ill search for you in every dusty corner of the Commonwealth, but if you decide to come early, don’t come back unless you are still pregnant –that felt wrong for Nora, her whole body shiver so bad it hurt her back.

-That’s all that matter to you of me!?

-No –he said firm, taking his hands out, now  he was looking at a dead point in the opposite direction- but I don’t know what ill do if you are not pregnant, I don’t know how ill be able to handle it, to keep it together

Hearing that was like getting punched in the middle of the nose for Nora.

-I don’t know what im going to do –she just said, feeling the man gripping the sheets under her

-You are confused –he just said, voice lacking of emotions.

-This isn’t about you at all, I love you Arthur Maxson

-I know it hurts –he wished so hard to take her warm hand and feel it between his fingers again, to be close and comfortable again- I know you have been trough a lot, that is hard to forgive yourself sometimes, that you don’t want me around in this thing because is between you and your son but its inevitable for me to not be involved, we made it together, i need to be involved, I want to be around –his eyes water, Nora wanted to just get up and leave already at seeing it. When he took a big breath through his nose to avoid…crying…in front of her, the smell of coffee suffocate him.

-I love you

-I can help you

She stopped breathing for a moment, heasiating, like time was frozen around. The thought of taking his hand and surrender in his arms was there, take the chance to try to get ahead and get over it but…no…There was something deep in her core telling her that she shouldn’t be a mother again. A giant black void inside her chest taking her breathing away.

-Im sorry –Nora went up and off bed, but Arthur wont look at her- Im sorry to cause you all this pain

-You have five days to come back, or ill find you and our son

-I love you Arthur Maxson –despite everything, she knew deep inside that this wasn’t the last time they will see each other, that she will say this words again to him. She wasn’t going to give up on him.

He stay in silence, until she was in front of the door.

-Let me help you Nora

The last thing he heard was the door opening and the sounds of the outside: Nora breaking his way out of the guards, the mess, the chaos and the runaway Sentinel was causing to the tripulation.

He knew she wouldn’t kill anyone, only hurt them just a bit, she was more than capable enough to do friendly fire and still get away, to run off, all this time, she choosed to stay until her heart was filled with negativity and he can’t…push it away from her head. This wasn’t against him but it hurt that it wasn’t enough to crave in her head that together everything was going to be just fine.

Hell deal with the consequences of making this vault dweller his woman later, now he needed to cry.

She was the problem, not him.

He tried enough.

The coffe now smelled horrible.

#fallout 4 #arthur maxson #elder maxson #sole survivor #makahimefanfic

[warmthpdf]

i have 2 or 3 weeks left of my project and im so tiredddddd :,,,,,) i do not want to animate!!!! i want to be in a field with my friends and make summer memories i never got to make when i was a kid and go bowling on my birthday and play in the arcade and probably cry over how much my friends mean to me!!! but also im not ready for it to set in that next year will be my last year of college bc wtf ????

#and its already weird bc the course is 2 years long but bc lvl 3 and lvl 2 were grouped together last year me and da gang get a bonus year?? #its just a lot of ! stuff that i dont wanna think about because college has literally changed my life and i dont look forward to it ending #but even more than that i dont wanna mourn my college years before theyre even over?? i dont want to be nostalgic rather than live #and still i have over a YEARRR of college and i really am trying to believe that the friends ive made arent going to disappear when its over #my brain sees an opportunity for me to be abandoned and thinks its the only possible outcome #but im trying to believe otherwise and my friends reassurance has helped that :( #sometimes love is ur head being cradled in a hug and being told that we're here for you and that they all want to make memories with you #IDK MY BRAIN DOESNT COMPUTE IT BECAUSE IVE NEVER HAD FRIENDS LIKE THIS BEFORE?? IN REAL LIFE I MEAN #like people are friends with me for more than the necessity of having someone you get along with while at college ?? #like people love me beyond it being an obligation and WANT to make memories and consider each other family and and and #just brrrrr #i have a lot of fears about things ending ive realised? fear of childhood ending. fear of friendships ending. fear of college ending #and they all just centre around that fear of abandonment. ill never rly forgive the person who is the reason i have these fears #but i want to believe that theres more and that im loved and will continue to be loved :') #mine #'its stuff i dont wanna think about' *RANTS IN TAGS ABOUT IT*

[enchantestuff]

rekindle - rbr sebastian vettel

in which after a long time apart, you and Sebastian rekindle your love for one another in the least romantic place you could think of - a sweaty, packed nightclub

NOT MY GIF!!

warnings: public sex (ofc), fingering, teasing, lowkey angst at the start, nicknames, uncomfy ex, sebastain Vettel deserves a warning himself, happy sinning

taglist: @theringers​ @forestviper201 @icemanhoneybadger​ @formulamei @findthelightinyourlife

3.1k words

You smirked as your eyes met from across the club for what felt like the hundredth time that night. You hadn't seen him in over a year, the last time you were even in the same country as him had ended up with you climbing into a taxi, speeding away to the airport and him standing half naked in his driveway, wishing for the car to turn around and end his worst nightmare.

The relationship between you and Sebastsian was a complicated one to say the least. You had grown up with each other, your families vacationed together every second summer and you spent many christmases together. It was only when you got older that you started to really appreciate Sebastian.

Daydreams of what it would be like to spend a night in bed with him began to fill your free moments. Images of the two of you tangled in bed was once something that you could only dream about, but that dream certainly became a reality one unforgettable night in Italy.

It was during a celebratory dinner after yet another win that he had leaned over to talk to you. His lips brushed against the side of your neck and goosebumps had risen all over your skin, you cursed yourself for your reaction but soon began praising your childish antics once Sebastian finally caught onto how you felt about him.

The few words of “do i make you nervous, liebe?” led to the two of you making out in the corridor. That celebratory dinner escalated to a friends with benefits situation which set off a more than complicated relationship between the two of you where feelings were of course present, but stubbornness from both sides refused to let them be out in the open.

Your feelings for one another eventually escaped when he got into a nasty crash in the middle of a race. You ran up to him the minute he stormed into the garage, tears welling in your eyes as you crushed into a hug. He held you with just as much force and whispered into your ear what you had been waiting for months to hear.

He told you that you had been the only thing on his mind when he crashed into the wall and he didn't want to go a minute longer without telling you how he really felt about you

As much as you wanted things to be great with Sebastain, your relationship was unfortunately not plain sailing from there and the media had a bring role to play in your downfall. They wouldn't leave him or you alone, constantly following the two of you wherever you went and even going as far as sending mail to your shared home. It was the media that drove you to leave the man you adored and move to another country in search for a new career and a new life away from the public eye.

You stared at him now, unable to tear your eyes away from his beautiful frame. He looked as good as ever and you knew deep down that you would probably never see him again. So against your brain telling you not to, you engraved every detail of his face into your memory, not wanting to let him go just yet.

You felt horrible for leaving him and strongly believed that he hated you for abandoning him. You wouldn't have blamed him if he did, you sometimes hated yourself for that decision. So you kept your distance from him all night, repeatedly telling yourself that if he did not harbor any bad emotions towards you, then he would approach you himself.

To tell the truth, you were too embarrassed to go up to him yourself, too full of guilt to face him after what you had done. But when he made eye contact with you as he pulled a girl into his body, something inside you snapped and you found yourself being dragged into an all too familiar game of cat and mouse with him.

Your night of teasing had officially begun the minute he kissed the brunette's neck, refusing to break your stare as his hands ran up and down her hips. You decided it was your turn to reciprocate the teasing and pulled a random, but still handsome, man towards you to dance. Holding your gaze with him, you allowed the man to grip onto your hips and sway from side to side. Your ass pressing against him with every beat of the music.

You maintained eye contact with him as he chatted with multiple women, his hands resting dangerously low on their backs as he smirked in your direction, you hated how much you loved his little games.

You decided to take a dance break and stepped away from the claustrophobic dance floor. Moving towards the less packed bar, you leaned against the contour top as you ordered yet another drink. The feeling of hands wrapping around your hips didn’t surprise you, nor did the hot breath fanning across the back of your neck. You were used to the warmth of Seb’s body by now and after so much time apart, you still recognized his touch.

“Quite a show you put on back there,” he muttered, gesturing to the bartender for another drink before turning his attention back towards you. You kept your face forward, staring at the variety of liquor stacked on the shelves as Sebastian flirted with you in your ear. He was still positioned behind you, which you saw as the perfect opportunity to press your ass against his crotch.

The tightening of his grip only fueled you to press yourself further into him in hopes that you would emit an even stronger reaction from him, and boy did you get what you wanted. One of his hands rested underneath your breast and as he emitting a small amount of pressure against you, he forced you into him.

No longer leaning against the counter, you could now feel the entirety of his body pressed against you. Every vein and muscle. Every curve and dent of his body, Still, that didn't stop you from wiggling your bum against him.

“Are you trying to turn me on right now, love, or are you really that fucking oblivous?”

You twisted your head to finally look at him, momentarily taken aback by his pure beauty before regaining your confidence again. “That depends,” you hummed, purposely brushing your lips against his neck as you spoke, “Is it working?”

His hold on you tightened and somehow he pulled you even closer to him, allowing you to feel every inch and vein of his hardened cock. “Someones excited,” you smiled, immediately freezing up when you caught sight of your ex boyfriend standing next to you.

He was the man you had been with before Seb and it was safe to say he had completely broken your heart.

Confusion immediately filled Sebs body at your reaction, fearful he had done something wrong he moved to stand beside you, holding onto your bicep as he looked you in your eyes. “Are you alright, darling?” he questioned, his eyes bouncing back and forth as he searched your face for any indication of pain.

“Yeah its - “

“Y/N! Great to see you.” Dread immediately filled your body at the infamous voice, you felt yourself go rigid in Sebastian's grip and desperately wished for your ex to leave the two of you alone.

“Who's this douche?” Seb whispered in your ear, trying to relive some of your tension and comfort you in what seemed to be a terribly uncomfortable situation.

“Brad, hey,” you muttered, you grabbed hold of Sebastian's hand that was previously sprawled on the bar countertop, using the warmth of his touch as a confidence booster to finally turn around and face the brutal ex.

“How have you been?” he asked, refusing to even glance at the Redbull driver next to you, focusing his hungry gaze on you and you only.

You sighed deeply at his attempt of small talk. Could he not just say hello and move on? Did he really need to interrupt your night.

Sebastian kept a close eye on you throughout your short conversation. A sense of protectiveness filled him at your rigid stance, he knew you could handle the situation yourself but he couldn't help but want to aid you. He felt the need to get involved. So he did.

He didn’t let you answer the man's next question of what you had recently been up to, instead he grabbed hold of the side of your face, his fingers dipping into the nape of your neck as he pulled you into him. He grinned smugly at the worried glance you threw his way before connecting your lips together.

The kiss was hesitant at first.

Taking into account this was your first shared kiss together since the breakup, it felt both natural and unusual to be kissing him again, but as the seconds passed you found yourself relaxing in his hold and began kissing him back with much more force.

You lost yourself in the moment, the idea of your ex boyfriend watching you make out with your other ex boyfriend didn't even cross your mind. You solely focused on the way Sebastian’s lips felt against yours after such a long time apart. He was addicting.

Your eyes fluttered open when he pulled away, blushing slightly at the sheepish look he threw your exes way. “What were you saying, mate?” he confidently asked.

The feeling of his palm burned against your cheek and you couldn't even bring yourself to look at Brad, but you didn't need to as he just stumbled away, clearly intimidated by Sebastian.

There was no need for you to say anything to Seb - if the way you were teasing him earlier on in the evening was of no indication to how you felt about him - then the lustful look you were giving him now certainly was.

He immediately pulled you back into him, your lips reconnecting in a lustful kiss. With no more awkwardness surrounding the two of you, you found yourself enjoying it even more.

Moving one of his hands down your body, Sebastian forcefully squeezed your bum which emitted a gasp from you, allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth, further deepening the kiss. He pressed his body against yours and your hands raked across it, feeling his muscles flex against your hands.

You moaned into his mouth the minute he dug his hips into you, the feeling of his body so close to you bringing you back to when the two of you dated. Confusion filled you when he pulled away, ending your lovely make out session and disappointing you tremendously. “Don't start what you can't finish, love” he warned, leaning down to scatter kisses across your chest, nipping and licking at every exposed area.

“Who says I can't finish this?” you remarked, grinning at the way his eyebrows rose at your statement.

“Look around us, darling” he stood up straighter, craning his neck to glance from side to side, taking into account the multiple people surrounding the two of you. Hundreds of people filled the room, hundreds of eyes that could possibly witness something. Hundreds of reasons why the two of you shouldn't get ahead of yourselves. But then again, when he looked back at you and the playful pout that crossed your features - he found himself making up a hundred different reasons as to why it was such a brilliant idea.

“But then again,” he continued, leaning closer to you in order to whisper in your ear, “that's never stopped us before.”

A shiver ran up your spine at his words, images flashing through your mind of previous encounters the two of you had in the most inappropriate areas. Cutting your daydream short, Sebastian grabbed hold of your hand and guided you up the stairs to the more secluded vip area.

The bouncer merily glanced at Sebastian before lifting the red velvet rope and letting the two of you in. Nodding a small thanks to the man, he continued his journey into the dimly lit area, a content hum leaving his lips at the sight of a small booth in the corner.

He sat down on the plush seats and you fell down to sit on top of him, the lower half of your body covered by the wooden table in front of you. Sebastian wasted no time in kissing your neck, unable to detach himself from your skin for more than a few moments.

Your head fell back onto his shoulder, watching the small group of people ahead of you dancing and laughing at each other caused a blush to quickly creep up your cheeks. The thought if anyone witnessing your antics both embarrassing and exciting you.

“Are you sure you want to do this, liebe?” Seb questioned, he placed his finger on your cheek and forced you to look at him as he spoke. “Because once we start, I won't be able to stop.”

“And why would I ever want you to stop?” you shot back, pressing your bum further into him to prove your point. Sebs eyes scanned the area, having seemingly decided the risk of getting caught was worth it, he ran his fingers up your thigh, under your skirt and into your underwear.

His other hand trailed the opposite direction, moving up your body to gently squeeze your breast. You arched your back at the sensation, your ass moving further into him and a harsh squeeze being delivered as a result.

Slipping a finger into you, his hand flew away from your breast to clamp over your mouth, muffling the sudden moan that escaped you. “You have to be quiet, sweetheart. There's people around us,” he reminded.

He littered gentle kisses up your neck and you could feel his smirk against your skin at the shaky breath you let out the minute he slipped a second finger into you. “I don't think anyone else deserves to hear your moans, darling.”

You hummed against his hand, wetness pooling at his words and your eyes fluttering closed as his thumb began to circle your clit. “Move up for a second, liebe,” he demanded once he removed his fingers from you. Having no other option but to comply, you braced your hands against the table and stood up on shaky legs. You patiently waited as Sebastain undid his belt, the sound of the metal coming undone bringing a newfound wetness to your core.

“Ready?” he questioned, moving his hand up and down your thigh to comfort you. You nodded your head, biting harshly on your lip, you quickly glanced behind you and yet another shaky breath tumbled from your lips at the sight you beheld.

Sebastain was sprawled across the couch with his dick barely covered by your body. The sight of him shamelessly sitting there did something to you and before you lost your confidence, you slowly lowered yourself down onto him.

“Keep quiet now,” he reminded once you took all of him in. Your hands gripped onto the table in front of you, your knuckles quickie turning white as you used it as leverage to start moving.

The sound of your skin hitting against sebastians was muffled by the laughter of the crowd and the loudness of the msic booming across the grand club. “I'm trying,” you grunted.

You slowly bounced on him, trying to keep your movements small and inconspicuous to the people around you. But Sebastian could only last so long without needing to take over. A moan accidentally escaped you once he began thrusting his own hips upwards to meet yours. In response to your foolishness, he grabbed a fistful of your hair, yanking not so gently on it as a warning and forcing you to look at the dim lights hanging above you instead of the people ahead of you.

Holding onto your body he quickly steadied you, forcing you to halt your movements as a random man walked up to the two of you. You shifted in his hold and attempted to reposition yourself to look more natural towards the stranger. You just wanted it to seem like you were cuddling the driver, not bouncing on his dick.

One of your arms wrapped around his neck while the other laid on his chest. You spared a quick glance downwards, making sure your skirt covered everything before looking back up at the man. Sebastian greeted him, admittedly not poilelty, but he greeted him nevertheless. It only took a few seconds for the two of you to realise he was a fan and by the looks of it, would do anything to hold a conversation with the Sebastian Vettel.

You couldn't help but move on his lap, the need for friction overwhelming you after staying put for several minutes. You slowly began rolling your hips, your heart racing at the sudden release of pressure and also at the fact you were grinding on him with a fan of his only a few feet away.

Sebastian cleared his throat, trying desperately to pay attention to the man in front of him and not on how good you felt clenching around him. His hips unintentionally runted up into you, muttering a quick curse under his breath he grimaced at the man, cutting his sentence short as he gestured towards you. “If you wouldn't mind,” he sympathetically commented.

“Right, right sorry,” he mumbled, “Enjoy your night.”

He soon scrambled away from view and Sebastian began carelessly thrusting into you again. You returned to your original position, now resting your head against the table, thankful for the pleasure filling your whole body. You could feel a bead of sweat forming on the nape of your neck and were almost certain you looked a mess but you couldn't have cared as you got nearer and nearer to your peak.

This new angle allowed Sebastian to take control of your activities. He guided your hips back and forth, not paying attention to the movement of the table nor the attention that the two of you could possibly bring your way. All he wanted was to bring you to your release. “Are you going to cum for me, darling?” he whispered. You nodded against the table, the coolness of the wood reliving your flushed cheeks as you felt the knot begin to release in your stomach.

You moved your hand to grip onto his thigh, “I'm gonna-” you mumbled, unable to finish your sentence as he gripped onto the back of your neck and forced you to sit up straight. His fingers immediately fell down your throat in a poor attempt to muffle your moans. You whimpered loudly at his show of dominance, your attempts to keep quiet failing profusely as he hurried his movements.

His fingers moved further down your throat as your walls clenched around him. Before you knew it you were spilling yourself against Sebastain. Your eyes rolling to the back of your head and heat filling your body as he followed in your actions.

#Sebastian Vettel imagine #Sebastian vettel #Sebastian Vettel smut #f1 imagine #f1 smut #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 #forumla 1 imagine #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 #formula one imagine #formula 1 smut

[xlbrh]

Genshin Impact - Small things they do to show their love

notes : so i’ve been trying to think of an idea for a long story to write for one of the characters, but i’ve been having a little bit of trouble :( if anyone has any suggestions i’d love to hear them! hopefully i’ll be able to come out with an introduction or something soon 

in the meantime i wrote this up, so i hope that you guys enjoy!

Genshin Masterlist

warnings : none

format : bulleted, headcanons. fluff

pairings : diluc, kaeya, childe, zhongli, xiao, albedo, aether x gn! reader

word count : 1426

everything under the cut-

Diluc:

during your nightly walks around mondstadt, he notices how chills can rack your body, especially when the wind blows

he’ll remove his jacket and drape it around your form, no matter how much you may protest

sometimes his arms will circle around your waist, drawing you towards him in an effort toto keep you warm until you get home

if you’ve been out adventuring close to the dawn winery, he’d invite you to the manor to share a meal or drink, whichever you’d like

whatever you desire, he’ll see to it that you receive it – most of the time he wouldn’t even ask you due to how well he can read you and your actions

when you try to refuse his offers, he’ll tell you ‘just let me look after you, my love’  

when you come to visit him in the angel’s share, he always has a seat ready just for you

he’ll keep a blanket and some books under the bar, since he knows how you like to curl up in the corner, engrossed in your reading

if you’d like he’ll come and sit with you for a short while, bringing a drink of your choice over while you tell each other about your day

Kaeya:

kaeya is the kind of man to call you every pet name under the sun

whether it be sweetheart, darling, love etc. he loves to use these types of names for you frequently, as a form of affection

he loves your reactions to them, especially when your cheeks flare up and you turn away out of shyness – he finds it extremely endearing

he would offer to train you in swordsmanship, regardless of whether you can already wield a sword or not

he likes to not only see your strength grow, but also offer you a way to protect yourself since he cannot be with you at all times

kaeya takes pride in the training sessions you have, after all they give him another reason to spend even more time with you

he loves for you guys to have matching things, no matter how small they may be 

for example, he’ll buy you a bracelet to wear, one that matches with one on his own wrist as well

jokingly he once bought you an eyepatch to match his, but he finds it sweet but hilarious when you’ll wear it around him sometimes

Childe:

since this man is a literal walking wallet, he has no problem with spoiling you with gifts

whether that be a necklace you’ve had your eye on, a new shirt because you ripped yours in battle, or a book he knows is the next in the series you enjoy

when asking him why he leaves you so many small gifts, his response is just ‘well, because i love you, of course!’

if you ever get hurt during a battle, he’ll be the first to help you

whether that be taking down the enemies if you haven’t already, or tending to the wounds you’ve received

he’d work with utmost caution, wrapping each wound gently and finishing them off with a kiss on top

when strolling the streets of liyue together, childe ensures that your body is connected to his one way or another at all times

whether that be intertwining your hands together, an arm loosely wrapped around your waist, or stopping to give you a brief peck on the forehead

he has no qualms in showing the public that you’re his – something he makes you well aware of

Zhongli:

he knows you love when he tells you stories of his past and the history of liyue, and he enjoys telling you about them

he finds the childlike wonder in your eyes adorable as he tells you tales of adepti and archons alike

zhongli will try his best to make them as entertaining as possible for you – drawing you in with every word he uttered

he likes to play with your hair, and for you to do the same to him

if you have longer hair you can guarantee he’d be braiding and styling your hair in all different ways, adorning it with hairpins he’d purchase for you

if your hair is on the shorter side then he’d love to run his fingers through, stroking your hair and massaging your scalp until you fall asleep with your head against his chest

if there is anything in particular that you take a big interest in, zhongli will try his best to research around it – even though he probably has the knowledge anyways

he wants to be able to talk to you about things you’re interested in, as well as share in the enjoyment that you get from it

he would leave small notes to you when he can’t always be around you, sometimes with small facts he learned of

Xiao:

he would for sure watch over you if you ever go on a long adventure, no matter what other duties he may have to attend to

expect to see a good few hilichurl and treasure hoarder camps abandoned thanks to his interference

‘anything to ensure your safety’, he thinks

some nights, when his duties have been fulfilled early, he’ll try his hand at preparing a meal for you to share

of course nothing especially fancy! After all he doesn’t have to eat himself – its all for your enjoyment

if he struggles he’d probably reach out to verr goldet some help

just imagine him setting a small picnic up on the wangshu inn rooftop iM WEAK

once xiao finally becomes accustomed to physical contact, he’d make an effort to hold your hand a lot more often

lightly squeezing it or tracing shapes with his thumb every now and again

if you’re lucky he way even take his gloves off – just to feel that warmth from his hand can be very comforting indeed

Albedo:

you’re literally the only person he will listen to when he is engrossed in his experiments

as we know he tends to block out the rest of the world when he is deep in though

but as soon as he hears your voice of concern asking if he’ll take a break to eat, you wanna bet he’ll be leaving his office in an instant to join you for lunch

he does the exact same for you when you’re hard at work, so he appreciates the way you always look after him

when out looking for more specimens to analyse, he stumbles across his fair share of flowers

of course he knows which are your favourites – he knows everything about you, after all – so he’ll be sure to pick some to bring home to you

when giving them to you, he mentions ‘well, they reminded me of you, so i thought you’d like them’

if you ever get ill for some reason, albedo becomes your personal doctor

he’ll spend hours preparing serums and medicines for you to alleviate your pain – but will never let you out of his sight while doing so

he’ll ask noelle if she can fix up some food for you in the meantime, since at every free opportunity he’s sat at your bedside, hand in yours as he whispers words of comfort to you

Aether:

aether is always ready to make you something to eat whenever you’d like!

he for sure has a small section of his brain dedicated to learning of recipes that he knows you enjoy, no matter how simple or complicated they may be

will make sure that you always have some lunch ready to take with you wherever you go, even if it means he had to wake up early and travel halfway across teyvat to bring it to you

he will bring you back numerous treasures from his travels

sometimes he’ll ask the locals in whichever area he’s in if they can craft the raw materials into something that you can treasure

there would be a shelf in your room specifically for aether’s gifts, where he’ll occasionally point to each one and tell you the story of how it made it’s way back to you

he makes sure to let you know how grateful he is to have you by his side

every time you do something for him, no matter how small it may be, he’ll thank you and let you know how much you mean to him

when on his travels he makes sure to write letters and send them home to you – just because he’s far away doesn’t mean he’s not still thinking about you

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin headcanonc #genshin imagines #genshin fluff #genshin diluc #diluc #diluc x reader #genshin kaeya #kaeya #kaeya x reader #genshin childe #childe #childe x reader #genshin zhongli #zhongli #zhongli x reader #genshin xiao #xiao #xiao x reader #genshin albedo #albedo #albedo x reader #genshin aether #aether #aether x reader

[starshipsofstarlord]

💕 reader turns into a baby and obsessed with Bucky. Awww 🥺

Infant Issues

bucky barnes x reader / masterlist

warnings; fluff, morgan definitely being tony’s kid, biting, swearing, spoilers for IW and Endgame, mention of the blip, childish behaviour from adults, terrible humour (I really am sorry), spoiler for WV, mention of age gap, kinda a crossover, an absolute mess 😂

“Morgan?” Bucky frowned, as the girl tried to speed past him. It was not wise for anyone to allow the mischievous child run around the compound alone, she always got up to nothing but trouble, and there was such a glazing in her brown eyes.

She didn’t spare him a glance, instead, she bolted, causing the super soldier to sigh. He would have went after her if there weren’t already footsteps recurring from the path that she had just came from; it was his father. It so happened that there was a bundle of joy in his arms, crying like the sudden crack of dawn.

“What were you going to do, wait another five years to tell everyone about this one, Stark?” Bucky asked with a chuckle, though the cries from the infant muted at the sound of his voice. The child wiggled in Tony’s grasp, trying her utmost to reach out for the vibranium armed hero.

“She’s not my daughter, if she was, I think me and you would be having conversations.” Tony’s words spurred a frown to combust out onto Barnes’ face, and the billionaire sighed, shifting the baby so that the baby was in Bucky’s arms.

The child cooed up at him, her eyes were a baby blue, sure to avert possibly into a different colour once she grew elder. “Look, I didn’t ask if I could hold her, she’s cute, but why do you-“

“Morgan did it.” Tony willingly blamed his own daughter. With her various experimentations, she was definitely taking after him. He’d be sure to keep this one quiet from Pepper, otherwise he was almost certain that he’d be banned from bringing Morgan on expeditions to the compound.

“I though y/n was supposed to be watching her.” Stated the enhanced soldier, cocking his head at the information that he recalled. He promptly remembered you abandoning him half way through training the newbie recruits, because Happy was dropping Morgan off, and you had offered watch over her, despite the associate being there.

“She was, and now you’re going to have to watch over her.” Tony pointed specifically to the child in his arms, and that was when realisation hit Bucky. He gulped, breathing through his nose to calm himself, as all the pieces clicked perfectly together.

This was not just a child - it was you. As he gazed down at you, he could finally see the pouted expression that would fixate upon your face when you paid attention to him when you were drunk, there was a glazing over your eyes as you raised your small and innocent hands, scraping down the stubble of his chin, as you curled further into his arms.

“I am going to kill you.” He steadily spoke, huffing as Sam went to walk past, but stopped himself when he saw the bundle of joy that was content in the brooding soldier’s arms. 

“What the hell! Did you and y/n have a baby or something without telling anyone?” Oh, how he wished those were the circumstances, and if the pair of you were to ever have a child together, then he would be impartial to the idea of doing so.

"This is not my child, it's y/n, thanks to Stark over there." He bounced you in his arms, he even felt a small dribble of spit seep through his shirt, but he didn't mind, not as his icy glare was intently prized upon the philanthropist.

"Hey, it was my daughter's fault, not mine!" Tony excused himself from the blame, holding his palm against his chest, as he received as such. Sam ogled at him for a second, before returning his attention back into Bucky, and little you.

He came forwards, reaching his hand towards you, keening as you went to grasp his. As you did so, a smile broke out upon the man’s face, until it contorted into a sharp frown, the noise of a yelp escaping from his lips. “That little bitch bit me.”

“Language.” Steve rounded the corner, his golden brows raising when he saw the infant contently resting in his best friend’s arms. “Did you and y/n have a baby without telling us?”

“That’s what I said!” Sam beckoned to the blonde, as he averted a strong gaze to you and your normal sized partner. "Until she bit me, it reminds me of that time that I tried to steal her fries."

"I don't see why your complaining." Bucky rolled his eyes, bracing you up straighter so that your forehead was pressed lightly against his shoulder. "I'm the one whose partner is an actual child."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Sam rolled his eyes in reference to how you were beforehand, before Steve cut in, directing his leading tone towards the men that were stood idly by.

"What actually happened?" Tony found his enquiry to be an opportunity to avert the fault from himself; how lucky indeed was it that Steve asked such a thing.

"Technically it's your fault capsicle. Morgan found your prototype of your unsuccessful time machine. As you can see, she turned into a baby, much like Lang. And if you want to push the blame off of yourself, blame these two for their asses disappearing."

"Hey, if I wanted to disappear, I wouldn't have made such a dramatic exit. I'd have just left for my sister's." Crossing his arms, Sam shook his head at the man that was not wearing his iron suit. He was unable to take any responsibility, unless it was for his genius brain wave of creating the true transportation for the time heist.

"Well I'm going to keep that noted for any future repercussions." Oh, how Wilson regretting mentioning that now.

"You left it out, within your daughter's reach." Bucky quirked his brow, as he prepared to head towards the storage of the private laboratory that was shared between the two science bros.

"Technically, that was the big green guy." Bucky vouched not to listen to Stark, instead, he continued to walk, leaving the three other men in his rear view, though for the most part, he could still hear them bickering.

"Maybe we should turn you into a baby, I doubt much would change."

"Maybe we should turn you into a baby, I doubt much would change." Tony mimicked Steve, thus only proving his point. He was certainly a man that enjoyed pressing people's buttons, it was a shining attribute of the once playboy, and god, did it annoy the hell out of Barnes.

As he entered the laboratory, he found the lab to be in a state of havoc. "Hey, it wasn't me this time." Scott laughed, as he used an extinguisher against the frayed machine, that was blubbering sparks from its ruined exterior.

"Smash!" A small green child, wearing glasses that were far too big for him, ran across the room, followed shortly by a child with long blonde hair wrapped up in a red cape, as though it were some kind of makeshift diaper.

"Explain." Bucky bluntly stated, clenching his jaw, as he cooed lightly at your cries that pierced the air. He bounced you in his arms, not quite certain of what he was supposed to do.

In his time, there wasn't exactly an education system to teach the men going to war how to parent, or even care for a child. A part of him panicked; it was you, he hated seeing you cry in general, but now he couldn't attempt to find out the cause for your falling tears.

"Aw is that y/n?" The man half dressed in his ant man suit asked, a bright smile on his face, as he reached out to hold you. To say Bucky was hesitant to pass you to him was an understatement. "I have a daughter, I've looked after a baby before."

"From jail?" The white wolf asked, as he heard a crash exhibit from the connecting room, obviously being the fault of the two most destructive avengers, or at least, their little versions. Being aged down was definitely certification for trouble, everyone knew that.

"Okay I wasn't in there for that long." Scott reassured him, he picked up a bottle of milk from the table, handing it to the metal armed man, whom had never fed a child before. He found himself, cautiously, keeping a watchful eye, passing you over to the former criminal, intently watching every movement that the man made.

Lange simply fed you. "Always thought you and y/n would have a cute baby, imagine its- oh yeah, well after all that stuff that happened with vision and SWORD, we thought it best to destroy any technology that was recovered from the old base. This part survived, and well, I went into its- okay, you don't want to hear the science, but basically Thor insisted he could break it with his hammer, albeit whilst I was inside of it, and it sent energy around the room that turned them into pubescent children."

"I can see that it did nothing to you. And I thought Morgan did it.”

"I was so relieved, lucky I- wait, was that an insult?" Bucky remained primitively silent, and that answered Scott's question. The hero sighed, as you finished nursing, and your arms reached for Bucky, to whom he passed you to. “And I lied...”

He literally blamed a five year old for the screw up of grown men. Tony was going to thrive off this information, whence he knew that his daughter was in fact not the culprit.

"What do we do now?" He was eager to find a cure for this betrothed science. Those whom were responsible for your decrease in age, well, one was running around the compound, and the other, well, he was even younger than Morgan currently.

"You could wait twenty years, I mean you two already have quite a big age gap, and please don't kill me. I'm not sure that Cap would approve, I am a vital source to the team!"

"I'm not going to kill you tic tac. Or at least not at least until we fix these three."

"Phew." Scott wiped his brow, blowing air from his mouth. "Wait thre- oh yeah, the little guy carrying the hammer that is bigger than himself, and the

"Okay, we need someone smarter." Bucky sighed heavily, as he hugged you in thought. "You tried hitting it again with the hammer?"

"Oh my god, I could be worthy!" Gasped Scott, running off to the next room, only to come back limping, a pained expression on his face. "Little Asguardian bastard hit me!"

Bucky contained his smirk, and instead passed you to Lang, venturing into the other part of the lab, finding that Bruce was asleep, a blob of snot hanging from his nose, he could see the hammer in the middle of the room, almost as though it were waiting for him to attempt grabbing the handle, and Thor was-

The minuscule god jumped from one of the shelves, wrapping his arms around the front of Bucky’s neck, as he put all his weight on the super soldier’s back. In all practicality, Thor was strangling him, and Bucky tapped his arm, trying to convince him to let go.

“I know who Noobmaster69 is.” Thor quirked his head, lessening his hold, as he promptly awaited his now older friend to continue. “It’s, its- his name is Wade Wilson.”

“Wilson!” No, gosh no. Bucky stood completely, making sure to keep Thor in the vicinity, he needed him to be so so that he could reverse the affects on the son of Odin.

“Not Sam. Wade.” He had never met the man before, but god did he seem like a dick. When the pair of you were getting a taxi, the driver Dopinder just could not shut up about his friend, who liked to wear red, and had a kink for unicorns.

Wade certainly sounded like a weird one, but right now, his pass time was getting Thor to pick up that hammer. “Where can I find this Wade?” It practically left his mouth as a hiss, if the imagery and proven death supposed otherwise, he’d possibly think it was Loki instead.

“I will tell you, if you pick up that hammer, and hit it against that old machine. Got it buddy?”

“It’s name is Stormbreaker!” Bellowed the norseman, who tried to slide off his back, but Bucky kept a hold of his legs, refraining him from going anywhere. “Get peter to do it, I don’t want to play that game anymore!”

“Uuh, hi Mr Barnes...” That voice, oh he knew it, and the majority of the time it irritated him, he was Tony's little pet. “And, baby avengers?”

“Don’t ask kid.” Peter nodded, as he went to reach for a spanner. “Can you pick the hammer up, are you worthy?”

“Am I worthy?” He wondered aloud, his eyes fixated on the hammer, as he stepped towards it, holding his hand out, and clasping his palm around the handle, it feeling weightless in his grip, as he picked it up without effort. “Oh my god (it’s Robert Downey Junior)!”

“Great, now take it out there, I’ll deal with these two. And don’t do anything yet.” He was certainly feeling like a sergeant, throwing all the orders to the others, Peter complied, carrying the hammer as though it were an empty duffel.

“Can I try?” Instantly, after Peter passing it to him, Scott had such hope, until the force of gravity hit, and it fell on his foot, causing a light scream to ripple through his throat. “Get it off, get it off!”

Peter did so, as Bucky kept Thor on his shoulders, and grabbed a hold of Bruce’s chubby little ankle, dragging him into the other room. “Shit he’s heavy.” He saw that you were sat in the grand spinny chair, making Bucky relived that you weren’t in Lang’s arms as he attempted to have a moment of worthiness.

“What’d you do, go all Winter soldier on his ass and knock him out?!” Half screamed the prodigy of Hank Pym.

“Of course not, I think Thor did it.”

“Oh yeah, blame the kid because I did the same.”

“Put your suit from Stark on kid, unless you want to become a fetus.” Bucky ignored Scott for the moment,

“I got Hope to send her outfit, it will stretch to accommodate you, but I also think it would hug your shape nicely.”

“That was fast.” Muttered Peter, and Bucky shook his head, eyeing the outfit with weird eyes.

“I’m crazy, but not crazy enough to wear that.” Sighing, he grasped it in his hands, walking to the other room to squeeze into it. He noticed you watching, and thus he turned the chair around so that you couldn’t see anything. Little did he realise until he came out, that you had spun it around again, and was giggling. “Don’t laugh at me, or you won’t be allowed to see it when you’re returned to normal.”

A pout settled on your small lips, and it appeared as though you were getting ready to cry again, but before you could do so, a distraction intervened. An uninvited, and confusing one.

“Stop. Can I just say, that is some cruel declaration for the both of you, you’re my fave ship, after me and Hugh Jackman of course, but he doesn’t even know that this version of me exists.” A newfound imposter called out, his arms raised in the air. Leather gloves crinkled as he twitched his fingers, his white eyes freaking Scott the fuck out. “May I join you on this journey? I read about you guys in comics. And can I just say, I want to see these hunks and that hottie all grown up.”

“You want to see me go Winter Soldier on someone Lang?” Bucky gritted his teeth, prepared to murder this man for ever posing such words about you into the open air. Him speaking obviously drew some attention to him though, but it was not his rage that was mentioned, instead, it was his attire- or well, Hope’s.

“Nice suit Buck Buck. Can you do a twirl for me, I wanna see if it competes with America’s ass. Damn, does that man have some buns on him.”

“I know right!” Scott eagerly agreed, earning a smack in the nuts, to which had made him close to crumbling.“You had to use the metal hand, didn’t you.” Whimpered the Ant to the false Wasp, clamping his hands over his goods as he half hunched over. “I thought you often forgot to use it coz your right handed.”

“You’re on my left.” Gross, he sounded like Sam.

“Who the hell are you?” Thor spoke, and it felt familiar on his tongue. It was as though he had asked an enemy the same thing before...

“I, am Noobmaster69.”

“Hi, I’m Peter. Oh, we’re using our made up names, I thought Sam said it was that guy from that tech place.” Peter scratched his head through the mask, providing a small verbal distraction, as Thor willingly set himself free, launching at the intruder, whilst snatching the hammer from a suited up Peter.

“Aaasrrrghh.” He screamed like a true deity of the vikings.

“Thor, no!” Lang screamed, knowing that he’d have to come up with another excuse. The cameras had been fused whence Thor had first struck the hammer in the room, and it abused the guy in the red suit as he went for his legs, attacking the friend of Dopinder.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky imagine #imagines #imagine #xreader #marvel imagines #marvel x reader #mcu x you #mcu imagine #mcu oneshot #mcu ff #mcu fanfiction #mcu fluff #marvel reader insert #marvel request #avengers oneshot #avengers x you #avengers imagine #avengers x fem!reader #marvel crack fic #marvel crack

[emerald-chaos]

Daydream

**gif not mine! credit to the owner**

So, I couldn't help myself. This is a continuation of my previous Bucky fic Insomnia because I just really enjoyed the dynamic between Bucky and the reader. I had a lot of fun writing this part and I love building things up between the two of them. If you guys like this or are interested in seeing more - please let me know! I love talking with people and hearing their ideas and such.

Much love xo.

Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 2079

Warnings: cursing, struggles with mental illness, mentions of sex (nothing entirely explicit but better safe than sorry), alcohol use, and really poorly written jokes lmao

Fingers threaded into hair.

Hot, opened-mouth kisses marking every surface of your neck.

Nails trailing down his back leaving raised, red lines in their wake.

“Oh my god,” you groaned as you let your head fall back and continued to rock your hips into the man in front of you.

Strong hands tighten their hold on your hips, sure to leave purplish-blue bruises for the morning.

“C’mon, baby,” he grunted, face buried in your neck as he helped your body to grind against his, “I got you. Let go, fuck, let go for me.”

A pair of slender fingers snapped in front of your line of sight, tearing you from your daydream and bringing you harshly back to reality.

“Hmm, what was that?” You blinked a few times before you turned your attention to the redhead who you, apparently, had been having a conversation with.

“Are you serious?” She laughed, “I’ve been talking for the past 10 minutes! I looked over and you had that far off, glossy look in your eyes. Not to mention you’re bleeding.”

A hand found its way to your lower lip and you realized she was right. You had been so lost in wet dreamland that you chewed a layer of skin off of your lip. You hoped she didn’t notice the heat rising in your face as you cleared your throat, grabbing a tissue from the coffee table.

“Sorry,” you muttered, pressing the tissue against your injured lip, “guess I got lost in thought.”

“Is it one of those flashbacks again?” She asked kindly, facial expression softening.

You nodded quickly, knowing fully well that the statement was a lie. Your gaze drifted over the woman’s shoulder to the subject of your previous thoughts. It would be easier to explain the common occurrence of your PTSD than it would be to explain that you were reminiscing on the hot, steamy, passionate sex you had the night before.

Bucky was situated across the room, leaning against the counter as he talked to Rogers and Wilson. The unfortunately tight, black, short-sleeve t-shirt he was wearing left nothing to the imagination. It accentuated every muscle of the body you had gotten to know so intimately not more than 10 hours ago. His muscular arms were crossed at his chest and he was sporting his signature scowl. Everything about the sight sent a shiver down your spine. You finally had a taste and you wanted more.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Your friend’s voice gained your attention once more.

A small smile found its way to your lips as you met her gaze again. Apart from Bucky, Nat had always been a good trauma buddy of yours. From the beginning she had been someone you felt like you could confide in and someone who would understand your troubles. Sometimes you wondered if a requirement of joining the avengers was to have a fucked up, tragic backstory.

“I’m okay, Nat.” You reassured, “Just got lost in my head again.”

“Whatever you say. Maybe the party tonight will help you get your mind off of things,” She mused as she pushed herself from the couch to stand up. She paused briefly before she turned to you again, “you are coming, right?”

“Yeah,” you snorted, “Tony actually threatened me if I didn’t go this time, so, I guess I have to.”

After the last party you skipped out on, Tony cornered you in the hallway and gave you quite the interrogation. Then he went on a spiel about how staying in your room all day and all night was bad for you and that if he didn’t know better he would think you weren’t appreciative of what he’d done for you and blah, blah, blah. Tony really was a good person underneath all that hair gel. All he wanted was to help you break out of your shell and give you the family he knew you were lacking. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be a pushy asshole.

“Good, I’ll see you there. I’m sure Barnes will too.” A devilish grin painted her lips as she watched your jaw drop. Before you had a chance to say anything she was off down the hallway.

Fuckin’ Natasha.

*******

A pile of clothes littered your bed as you slipped another dress over your form. Not once in your life had you ever been concerned about what you were wearing or what you looked like, but there was something about tonight that made you want to turn heads. Your eyes raked down your figure as you twisted from side to side, admiring the way the black dress hugged your body in all the right places. Not to mention the thigh high slit in the dress showed off probably the only body part you weren’t self-conscious about. Tony, being the theatrical and over the top man he was, once said that you shouldn’t show up to his parties if you weren’t dressed to court a royal or to bring a man to his knees. Guess you were shooting for the latter.

As you put the finishing touches on your look for the evening, you felt that familiar heavy feeling settling into your chest. Your body always had a tendency to go into fight or flight mode when you became too familiar with anything or anyone. It felt like every fiber in your body was screaming for you to retreat into sweats and stay in your room, to not allow yourself this opportunity to enjoy the people you’d grown so close to. You know what happens when you let people in.

Grief, trauma, coping - it made it really difficult to live a “normal” life. Everyday tasks are daunting, it can be next to impossible to have intimate friendships or relationships, and not to mention the intrusive thoughts that infect your mind on a daily, if not hourly, basis. Here you were, the happiest you’d been in years. You were finally in a place where you felt loved, comfortable, safe - and yet your mind was trying to self-sabotage again.

You took a moment to close your eyes and take several deep breaths. When you opened your eyes you locked eyes with your reflection in the mirror and made a pact with the girl staring back at you. The intrusive thoughts and self-doubt couldn’t continue to have a hold over you anymore. You gave yourself a small smirk and nod as you made the decision to throw caution to the wind and give the party a try. What’s the worst that could happen?

*******

Come to find out, the worst that could happen would be your competitive nature overcoming the rational, thinking part of your brain; which in turn would lead you to enter in a drinking contest. Thankfully a small portion of your pink, smooth brain was still functional enough to tell you when you’d reached your limit. Now you sat comfortably on the couch, legs tucked underneath you as you joyfully watched your friends argue.

“Dr. Banner, my friend, you are one of the most intelligent people I know. However, you are wrong.” Thor stated simply as he finished the rest of his drink.

“Thor, for the last time, water is not wet!” Bruce retorted, throwing his hands up in frustration.

You let out a loud snort before thinking, “Oh yeah, water. I should drink some water.”

Your feet planted themselves on the floor and slipped back into your pair of shoes. As you made your way to the kitchen you were pleasantly surprised by your balance and coordination, considering how much alcohol you’d consumed. Seems that drinking with Thor has done wonders for your tolerance.

While you were busy searching the refrigerator for a bottle of water, you were also oblivious to the soft sound of footsteps coming into the kitchen. After retrieving the beverage, you closed the door and turned to leave. Instead, you turned right into the chest of a figure that was definitely not there a moment ago. You yelped as you clutched a hand over your chest dramatically, your face filled with horror as though you’d just come face to face with the grim reaper.

“Jesus Christ, Barnes!” you scolded.

Bucky was holding his abdomen as he leaned back, consumed with laughter at your reaction. You huffed and wanted to be offended, but he looked so damn cute laughing that you couldn’t help but join him. You pushed his chest playfully and grumped as you hopped up to sit on the counter, opening the water to gulp about half of it down. Bucky couldn’t help but grin at your pouty state as he finished up his laughing fit.

“My apologies, sweets. Didn’t realize I’d be makin’ ya scream twice in one day.” He teased, grinning even wider as he did so.

Your jaw dropped at the comment, quickly looking around to make sure no one else was in the kitchen to hear what he had said. After seeing that the coast was clear you kicked your foot at him out of annoyance, only for his metal hand to catch it smoothly. The two of you locked eyes, motionless for a moment before he moved closer, sliding his hand from your ankle to your thigh. In the moment, you damned yourself for choosing this particular dress. The closer he got, the faster your breathing became. The contrast between his cold embrace and your flushed, warm skin sent a shiver down your spine. Abandoning the water bottle, you ran your hands up his abdomen and chest until they rested on his shoulders. Following a small nudge from his knee, you parted your legs to allow him space to stand between them. The heat in your face at an all time high as he pressed his flesh hand to your cheek.

“Haven’t been able to stop thinkin’ about you.” Bucky whispered as he stroked the apple of your cheek with his thumb. Each word that left his lips had you feeling way more intoxicated than any liquor you’d had all night.

As quickly as it started, his touch was gone and his back was turned as he opened the fridge. Before you had a chance to open your mouth to ask what the hell just happened, Tony was entering into the kitchen.

“Well, well, well. Surprised to see you here, Annie.” Tony beamed as he laid eyes on you.

Yes, Tony had nicknamed you after little orphan Annie. Yes, he also referred to himself lovingly as Daddy Warbucks. Yes, any person in their right mind would probably be offended, but you were just fucked up enough that you found it kind of hilarious.

“Wish I could say that it’s a pleasure, Tony.” You grumped back, upset that you’d been cockblocked and by Tony no less.

“Never lose that spunk, kid.” Tony winked as he turned to see Bucky retreating from the fridge with a beer in hand. “Inspector Gadget! Good to see you too.”

As much as you didn’t want to encourage him, you couldn’t help but laugh. Much to your dismay, Bucky simply raised his bottle to Tony as if to say “cheers” and padded out of the kitchen.

“He has such a way with words.” Tony teased as you rolled your eyes.

A sigh left your lips as you slipped off the counter and back onto the floor, muttering a “goodnight” before leaving the kitchen and heading back to your room. Although you wanted nothing more than to find Bucky and finish what he had started in the kitchen, you came to the conclusion that you were probably too drunk and definitely too tired.

Back in the comfort of your bedroom, you went about your normal nighttime routine. As you exited the bathroom, you couldn’t help but notice a piece of paper that had been slipped beneath your door. Grabbing the paper from the floor and plopping back onto your soft mattress, you opened it to read the note that was scribbled in black ink.

Never got the chance to tell you how gorgeous you looked tonight. Gotta say, I’m a big fan of that dress.

Sweet dreams.

- B.

When you finished the note, it felt as though you were floating on cloud 9. Even when you laid your head down and tried to welcome sleep, Bucky’s words were still replaying in your head over and over again - like they were lyrics to your new favorite song.

Turns out you were down for Bucky Barnes, and you were down bad.

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