#marvel crack fic

[late-to-the-party-81]

Because it's Eurovision! Okay..?

AN: I wanted to write this last year, but didn’t, and then the enablers in the BBE server forced encouraged me. So enjoy this cracky Avengers Tower fic, where nobody dies and everyone lives happily ever after.

Un-beta’d

Dividers by @firefly-graphics and moodboard by me

Masterlist

Relationship: - None - Just good old team bonding.

Word Count: 1k

CW: Eurovision spoilers, American confusion, Domestic Avengers

“Oki doki, kiddos - what’s so important we’ve brought forward movie night to…” Tony looked at his watch. “... 3 o’clock in the afternoon?”

He looked around the lounge in confusion as Nat, Wanda and Bucky rearranged all the sofas, cushions and beanbags. Flag bunting hung from the ceiling, and the small kitchenette counter was laden with various snacks.

“It’s Eurovision, Tony.” Nat’s tone of voice suggested that that explained it all.

It did not.

“Euro-what now?”

Wanda came up beside him and started to steer him towards one of the seats.

“Just sit down, Stark. It’s about to start. Now where are the others?”

She looked around, auburn hair flying, but relaxed as Clint walked in, a grin on his face, followed by Bruce, Steve, and Sam. Wanda looked around them and smiled as Vision floated through the wall and towards her.

Clint bounded forward, launching himself over the back of the sofa and bouncing down next to Tony.

“Boy, are you in for a treat! This is going to be epic.” He grinned, completely unfazed by the blank looks from the other men. 

Sam settled on one of the other couches after a stern glare from Bucky, Steve joining him.

“Umm, could you possibly explain further?”

“If you will allow me…” The dulcet tones of FRIDAY echoed through the room as Nat and Bucky continued to shift and shuffle things around their confused team mates. “The Eurovision Song Contest is an annual event held in mid May every year, where the countries across the European continent all submit a musical act singing an original song. There are two semi-finals and then the final 26 acts star in the Final.”

Steve still looked confused.

“Well, what do the winners get?”

“The winning country gets to host the competition the following year, providing a boost for tourism and culture.”

Bruce settled down on the third couch, somehow having already snagged a bowl of popcorn.

“So the songs are good then?”

Nat snorted derisively.

“Nope. They are camp and cheesy, with ludicrous outfits, smoke machines and lots of pyrotechnics. But that’s the joy of it. And lots of the countries sing in their own language, so you have no idea what the song is actually about.”

Tony’s eyes went wide, nothing any clearer than it was before.

“Then why are we watching?”

As one Nat, Bucky and Wanda turned towards him.

“Because it’s Eurovision.”

“Umm, okay then…” He sunk down into the cushions, not sure it was worth risking the ire of undoubtedly the most dangerous trio in the room. “Can I ask why Thor gets out of this…”

Just then, the building shook, the unmistakable rumbling and light display signifying the bifrost had just hit the roof.  “..Scratch that.”

Nat turned on the television and squished in next to Clint. Vision and Wanda snuggled down into the beanbags. Thor burst into the room a few minutes later, placing Mjolnir onto the countertop.

“I haven’t missed it, have I?”

He took the final space next to Bruce, who passed over the bowl of popcorn.

“It’s the flag parade, apparently.”

The blonde god leant forward, arms resting on his knees.

“Ooo. I know this one! That’s Norway. I like them.”

Bruce smiled and elbowed his friend.

“Of course you do, they still treat you like a god.”

Across the room, Steve leant over to Bucky to whisper in his ear.

“Can I ask, if this is a European competition, why are Australia taking part?”

“Because they love how camp it is, and asked if they could join in.”

“I’m going to be confused during this whole thing, aren’t I?”

“Uh-huh…” Bucky threw some M & Ms up in the air, catching them in his mouth.

Back on the central sofa, Nat started to bounce slightly.

“Here we go! Prepare to be amazed…”

For the next 2.5 hrs the team sat, glued to the television, all manner of emotions running through them as they watched the eclectic musical display.

“Am I missing something,” asked Sam. “Why are they singing about Edgar Allen Poe?”

Bucky shrugged. “Why not?”

“Okay..?”

Steve nudged Bucky.  

“Buck - what’s she singing?”

“About how her love for her man is driving her crazy, but she doesn’t know if he feels the same.”

“Okay..?”

“My love…”

“Yes, Vis?

“This is an anti-war song, isn’t it?”

“It is, Vis.”

“Okay..?”

“Earth to Sam! Earth to Sam!”

Tony threw a screwed up piece of paper across the room and watched Sam jolt and shake his head as it bounced off.

“What?”

“You seem a bit invested in the Cyprus act there….”

“Fuck off, Tony.”

“Okay..?”

“Nat?”

“Yes, Bruce?”

“I don’t want to be rude, but is there a reason she seems likes she’s dressed like a werewolf?”

“Because it’s Eurovision.”

“Umm…okay..?”

Thor was bouncing in his seat as the Finnish act started.  

“This is more like it!”

Bruce peered at the screen, as though the neon pink and green outfits were starting to give him a migraine.

“But…but what’s it about?”

“Going out drinking!”

“Okay..?”

“Errrrm, Buck…What the hell did I just watch?”

Bucky didn’t even turn his head at Steve’s question.

“Croatia.”

That didn’t really help. All Steve knew was that he’d just seen something he couldn’t unsee.

“Okay..?”

The act from the UK finished and Tony stood up, cracking his neck.

“Well, guys. Thanks for that, I think. But now that’s over…”

“Nope!” Nat reached across Clint, who’d fallen asleep between them, slowly drooling on a cushion, to grab hold of Tony’s t-shirt and pull him back down. “Now it’s the half time show while the voting is done, and then it’s the results. And this year, we can vote from outside Europe. Look, there’s an app and everything.”

Tony blinked slowly in disbelief. “When’s it due to finish?”

“About 7pm.”

“What!” At Tony’s shout Clint sat bolt upright, snorted and sucked up a string of drool. “This thing goes on for 4 hours. Like how?”

“BECAUSE IT’S EUROVISION!” Came the chanted reply, this time with Thor joining in.

“Okay..?”

Tony pulled out his phone and opened the app store with a shrug. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

“I got $50 on Finland. Who wants in?”

At 7.05pm Tony sat staring at the screen, mouth wide open as the others groaned and started to pass cash towards Bruce.

“What the fuck just happened?”

Bruce smiled and shrugged.

“It’s Eurovision, Tony.”

Tag list: @jobean12-blog @sidepartskinnyjeans @flordeamatista @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @chemtrails-club @seitmai @peaches1958 @pono-pura-vida @writing-for-marvel

#avengers tower fic #late writes #eurovision fic #domestic avengers #gen fic #marvel crack fic

[radiance1]

The League tried to interrupt a summoning of a powerful being from the Infinite Realms. From the information they collected, the being isn't of the status of a royalty, but they still had to be careful as the being the summoners tried to call forth was still of noble status.

They failed.

The head cultist finished the ritual, the last words to finish the summoning left their tongue and the room was suddenly doused in heat, as black flame came to life from within the circle, twisting and turning, back and forth until a pair of red eyes suddenly flashed from inside the twisting pillar of flame and just as suddenly as the eyes appeared, was the pillar broken apart.

What was left behind was the figure of a giant phoenix, wings spread as embers black as night gently fell down to the floor below and suddenly disappearing, as if they were never there in the first place.

"Who dares to disturb-" The being started, eyes scanning the crowd below before stilling, extremely and worryingly quiet. One of them quietly cursed. "Constantine..." The creature's voice was low, dangerously low, no doubt anger in its voice as it called out the Warlock's name.

Everyone tensed, expecting something dangerous, except for the cultists, and the Head, who turned his head towards them and smiled, obviously expecting them to be reduced to not even ash.

"100 years. One. Hundred. Years." The being spoke, and confusion wormed its way into the hearts of all those present. "100 years I have waited for you, and when we finally meet once again it's not even you summoned me but these-" The creature waved a wing at the cultist below. "-These fatuous and vacuous little things."

"And what is this? You surrounded yourself with those not even of human birth before you have even thought about me?" The noble's eyes narrowed. "Did our relationship mean nothing to you?

Someone, probably not Constantine, choked.

"Well then, after all of this time you can at least make yourself useful." In a flash of black fire, Constantine was brought from within the ranks of heroes and in front of the beast, a man who seemed to be trying to-and unsuccessfully- lighting a smoke. "Ah, why do that when you have me?" The being purred, bending down to apparently light a smoke before freezing, as if remembering what exactly it was doing, but the action was already done, and Constantine was killing his lungs away.

The phoenix snapped back up to standing above everyone else, clearing its throat as if what happened decidedly didn't happen.

"What exactly did you want me to be useful for, love?" Constantine asked, expelling the smoke from his lungs and deciding that this might as well be happening. The noble huffed, folding its wings at its sides as it stared down at its apparent lover. "Take care of our son for once in your sad, pathetic life."

This time, not only did Constantine choke, but a good chunk of people there did as well. Constantine ran a hand through his hair, looking up at the phoenix incredulously. "Aren't we both men?"

The phoenix looked at his lover as if he were stupid. "Your point?"

"I-" Constantine sighed, took a breath, held, then expelled more smoke from his lungs. Apparently, he decided not to question anything anymore. "You know what? Sure, where is the little bugger?"

Over the next few moments, both the Justice League and Cultists were treated to the noble transforming into a human (still having wings) and handing over their apparent child-who looked nothing like them by being a dragon, but who were they to question the apparent reproduction of a being from the Infinite Realms- and being lectured about what not to do and what to do and how he should be cared for.

Also, a warning for his many powers.

Then the Duke stole a kiss (One that he claimed was long overdue) and left.

The room was silent, only the sounds of breathing occupying the room as the temperature was brought back down to normal levels.

A moment later, Batman walked up to the nearby cultist and punched him across the face and knocking him out cold, suddenly reminding everyone what exactly they were here for.

A while later, in the meeting room, everyone looked at Constantine. Who had a baby eastern dragon wrapped around one arm (who was apparently his child) and rubbing his temple with the other.

"I can't explain this."

===

Danny was actually not Constantine kid, neither was he Vlad's. Biologically, at the very least, however. Vlad did adopt both him and Jasmine a while back after their whole parent fiasco.

They're dead, sadly unable to become ghosts, or perhaps not so sadly.

Of course, they unfortunately outlived Jasmine, which was to be expected, but Vlad and Danny did grow close enough that they no longer viewed each other as enemies.

However, who could have expected that Danny, finally ascending to his princely status, would turn him back into a literal child because he was, for all intents and purposes, one by Dragon standards.

Utter malarkey, he would say.

Taking care of that boy was the worst few memories he has ever had. He was constantly being kept from his sleep, his work being interrupted constantly, and the child managed to find a way to leave his sight at each and every turn.

But there were some sweet moments, he would say.

It's only reasonable, however, that his lover (who he hasn't seen for an entire century might he add) share the workload.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp crossover #I don't know how to write John Constantine #But I probably can't do worse then the current writers of DC or Marvel. #Probably. #Anyways. #shitpost #At least I think this is a shitpost #Idk #Or maybe its a #crack fic #crackship #But I thought of this and I find it funny so you all shall be cursed with this

[fotibrit]

professor! Tony Stark leading an introductory class to robotics. The students, however, are quite surprised to walk in the room and see multiple Avengers casually seated with notebooks out.

(they’re sick of not understanding anything to do with Starks tech, and this might be the only way they start learning)

#marvel mcu #avengers #crack fic idea #fotibrit

[tomriddleslovergirl]

Marvel characters x oblivious!reader

Steve Rogers:

Steve and you had been getting to know each other for the past few months and were becoming good friends. Although, Steve had begun to get feelings for you that were not so friendly. He wanted more out of your guys' relationship.

He'd never been good with flirting, but decided to at least try in doing so incase he scared you off or made you uncomfortable by being too upfront.

So, while on a walk with you one winter day, Steve decided to make his move.

"Y'know, Buck once told me pretty girls always have cold hands." The cold didn't bother Steve because he was a Super-Soldier, but he assumed that it would cause some discomfort for a normal human.

You look down at your hands.

"Huh. Mine are always warm." But either way, you shoved your hands in your jacket pocket, not noticing that Steve had put out his hand for you to hold.

Peter Parker

Peter and you had been going out for a little while now, and every time he'd try to flirt with you, you'd be oblivious. So after building up some confidence (with the help of Ned), he asked you. "Can I have a kiss?"

You look at Peter in shock, wondering how he knew you had a bag of kiss in your bag. You rummage through it and hand him one.

"Here," You say, handing the small chocolate to him.

Ned held in a laugh.

"Th-thanks?" Peter said, his voice cracking with confusion and embarrassment at being rejected - even if it was done obliviously by you.

Wanda Maximoff

Wanda had tried flirting with you before and you would never quite get the hint. She had assumed there was something wrong with the way she tried to make romantic advances with you and went to the Natasha to get some pointers.

Later on, Wanda decided to use some of Nat's tips.

Wanda asked you if you wanted to bake cookies with her and invited you into the Avengers Tower kitchen.

While you both were baking and talking, Wanda would try to make her laughs sound breathy when you made a joke or would compliment you from time to time.

When she noticed you were having trouble icing one of the cookies, she stood behind you, and gently wrapped one of her hands around your hand that was holding the piping bag while you held onto the cookie.

"Here," she whispered, her hot breath hitting your ear as she helped you ice your cookie.

After Wanda was done, she placed the icing bag on the counter and looked at you, trying to see if her flirting had done the trick. But you don't notice anything out of the ordinary.

"Thanks, Wanda," you say, thinking she was just trying to be helpful.

You went to grab another cookie to ice, when she suddenly grabbed your chin. "You have something on your face," she says.

You look up at her in surprise as she swipes her thumb against your cheek. She brings her thumb to her mouth before licking the icing off.

You look up at Wanda, your brows furrowed. "That's disgusting, Wanda."

#Reader is a total dumbass😭😭 #This was based off of a tiktok but for some reason I couldn't link it😭😭 #peter parker x reader #peter parker #spider-man x reader #x reader #spider-man #marvel x reader #mcu x reader #mcu #marvel #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #crack fic #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda x you #fanfiction #captain america x reader #wanda maximoff x y/n #captain america

[sam24]

Metal Arm Cupid

Summary: Bucky didn't know what to expect in the 21st century. But he definitely didn't expect cute girls to barge into meeting rooms and beat people up.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader

*****

Bucky made no attempt to stifle his yawn as he pretended to listen to the debrief (that was looking more like an argument to him) that was going on way too long for his liking, earning a sharp glare from Steve, but Bucky could tell that deep down, Steve wanted to hightail outta there too.

“Stop taking all the credit, Josh. I was the one who stabbed him. You just sat there and watched like an obese cow.”

Josh (Bucky thought his name was Jack until now) scoffed. “That’s Agent 16 to you, Avery.”

“It’s actually Avril, you little-”

“Agents, you better stop this instantly.” Fury narrowed his eyes at the bickering partners.

“Stop embarrassing me in front of the Avengers, Evelyn, and let me do the talking. Clearly you can’t because of those oversized donkey teeth of yours.” Josh paid no heed to Fury.

The girl (Avril?) gasped and her hand instinctively flew to cover her mouth. “Why you-”

“Okay, that’s enough.” A dangerously calm voice rang through the room.

All eyes flew towards Natasha, you looked like she was going to murder the next person who opened their mouth.

“This is why I don’t go on missions with sensitive baby agents.” She muttered in Russian.

Bucky cracked a smile.

“How come no one listens to me?” Fury grumbled.

“Probably because you aren’t a trained assassin with 20 different weapons hidden on your body, and I bet you also don’t know 5 different ways to kill someone with an oven mitt.” Clint whispered in Fury’s ear.

“It doesn’t matter who stabbed who, it matters what happened in the end. And in the end, I was the one you saved your ungrateful asses, so you can stop arguing like toddlers now.” Natasha growled.

Her eyes narrowed specifically at Josh.

Nobody spoke. Probably because no sane person wanted a bullet from Natasha’s gun in their head.

“You seriously couldn’t have done that 20 minutes ago?”

Of course, though, Tony Stark was far from sane.

“Shut up, Tony.” At least 5 different people said at the same time.

Josh cleared his throat, recovering from his mini paralysis stroke.

“No offense, but-”

Before Josh could get himself killed, loud voices outside of the door made everyone turn.

Honestly, they all probably would’ve turned even to watch a fly so they could ignore Josh’s excuses.

“Miss, I can’t let you-”

“I really don’t care, so move. Now.”

Bruce immediately sat up. “Is that Ace?”

“Oh, thank god.” Tony let out a dramatic sigh of relief. “I’m so bored right now, maybe she’ll make this actually interesting.”

Even though Bucky’s stay at the compound started recently, he had heard plenty of stories about you, the infamous ‘Ace’. To what he’d heard, you worked at the lab with Bruce and Tony, like a daughter to them both. You were an ‘intellectual sage’ (described by Barton), hence the nickname, Ace.

“I said, MOVE!”

“Banner, what is the meaning of this?” Fury ordered.

Bruce furrowed his eyebrows and completely ignored him. “What in the world is she doing?”

“Banner!”

“I SAID MOVE, DAMNIT.” A loud thud followed closely and the door was flung open so hard it practically ripped off of its hinges.

“Lord have mercy.” Bruce buried his face into his hands as you barged into the room, pulling along a terrified looking girl behind you.

Bucky’s eyebrows raised with interest as he took in your purple highlights, Converse High-Tops, and Gravity Falls shirt peeking out from under your lab coat.

“Look, missy, in case you haven’t noticed, this is a private meeting. I’m going to give you 5 seconds to leave before I have you escorted out instantly.” Fury demanded.

“Yeah, that’s cool, Patchy the Pirate, just give me a minute.” You weren’t even looking at Fury as you scanned the room.

“Ha! Patchy the Pirate! Laura’s gonna love this!” Clint smacked his hand on the table and leaned his chair back (and almost fell backwards if Steve didn’t catch it, but that’s not the point).

Fury looked like he was seriously contemplating life as you still didn’t spare him a glance, and your narrowed hawk eyes landed on someone behind Bucky.

He followed your gaze to meet Josh, who had raised two fingers in the air cockily to greet you and the girl behind you.

“Josh, you mother fucker.”

And before Steve could say ‘language!’ (yes, Bucky had caught on pretty quickly after Tony would say it every other sentence), you had crossed the room in what felt like just two strides and socked Josh right in the jaw.

The room erupted in chaos.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Steve was up on his feet in a millisecond, his Captain America side taking over.

“That’s it, honey! Do it again!” Tony cheered.

“Is this some kind of Midgardian greeting that I have not yet been informed of?”

“Someone tell me what the hell is going on in my own meeting!”

“That was the best thing I’ve seen in my whole life.” Avril grinned.

Natasha didn’t say anything, but her face clearly said ‘girl, me too’.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” Sam chuckled from next to Bucky.

“Same.” Bucky muttered under his breath.

“Whoa hold up, did you just agree with me??”

“Shut up, pigeon brain.”

“Excu-”

The only thing that stopped Sam and Bucky’s cat fight was another punch to Josh’s precious face, this time right in the nose.

Bruce tried to reason with you from across the whole ass room, practically shouting over all the commotion as Steve tried to pull you away from Josh.

“Ace, sweetheart, why don’t you talk it out instead of going straight to violence? Doesn’t that sound like a better idea?”

“Sounds great, Bruce, but that’s not an option anymore!” You shouted back over your shoulder.

“Look, champ, it’s not right to randomly punch people like that!” Steve was still trying to pry you away from Josh.

“Look, Pops,” You mocked. “It’s also not right to cheat on your girlfriend with some random chick you ran into at a bar!”

Everything stopped.

Except Josh’s struggling from your grasp.

“He cheated on you?” Tony broke the silence, looking like he was going to blast Josh into outer space. “Wait, when were you guys even together? And why in the goddamn world would you date that guy?”

“Not me, dimwit, her.” You point your free hand that was not gripped on Josh’s collar at the girl behind you, looking ready to sprint out of there when all eyes landed on her.

“Just leave it, ma moitié, it’s not worth it.” She said quietly, her words coated in a thick french accent.

Bucky recognized her as the nice agent who gave him a coffee last week after Sam ‘accidentally’ knocked over Bucky’s.

“Just leave it? Absolutely not, hun!”

“Listen to her, Ace.” Bruce pleaded.

“No! This sleazy bastard cheated on my best friend! No fucking way! Literally, who the hell would cheat on a cute french girl?”

“Ace, violence isn’t the right way to-”

“Excuse me?” Josh’s voice rang out, sounding like someone was holding his nose closed shut. “Can someone get me an ice pack?”

You whipped around towards him.

“You. Want. An. Ice pack.” You restated, shooting daggers- no, 7 inch sharp kitchen knives at him.

“My nose hurts.” Josh rolled his eyes. “Y’know, after you turned all Crazy Psycho Lady on me and broke it.”

“You know what?” Your smile dripped with bitterness and sarcasm. “How about I punch it again so it’ll go numb and it won’t hurt anymore?”

You reached your arm backwards to land another punch, but Steve rushed to grab you again, and the chaos resumed.

Tony was instructing you to “kick Steve in the balls and resume beating the shit out of Josh”, while Bruce was very strongly vetoing the idea.

Sam and Clint, meanwhile, were placing bets on how much the medical bill was gonna be.

Suddenly, Bruce rushed over to Bucky.

“Look, man, you gotta help me.”

Bucky looked at Bruce with wide eyes. “Me?”

“Yeah! If you tell her to stop, she would in a heartbeat!”

“Why?” Bucky knew where this was going.

“Because of your metal arm!”

Bucky’s heart sank. Of course you were scared of it. Everyone was. They thought it made him a monster.

So did he.

Even though he was so, so grateful to Shuri for trying to help him feel like a new person with a new arm that wasn’t associated with HYDRA, that bloody ruthless murderer that they made him into never seemed to leave.

He would always be him.

No matter how hard he tried, the memories followed him like a lost puppy, attacking at night when he was trying to sleep.

No matter how hard he tried, he could never shake off the imprint HYDRA had left on him.

No matter how hard he tried or how much Steve told him otherwise, Bucky was still a monster.

A cruel, cold-hearted, evil monster who killed the innocent.

Who killed innocent men, women, and children who didn’t deserve to be killed.

He was the one who deserved to be killed.

“She’s absolutely obsessed with it!”

Bucky choked on his spit.

“Wha-w-what?”

“She adores it.” Bruce rushed. “She says it’s, and I quote, the most beautiful and extraordinary thing to ever be made in history.”

Okay, so apparently Bucky did not know where that was going.

“Still not convinced?” Bruce groaned. “She thinks it’s the most amazing thing in the galaxy. She says it’s the ‘peak of engineering’. You can ask Tony if you still don’t believe me.”

Tony wasn’t extremely fond of Bucky, and neither was Bucky of him, so he decided to take Bruce’s word for it, no matter how much it shocked him.

She likes my arm?

Just because she likes your arm doesn’t mean she likes you, idiot.

“Uh, okay? So, um, what do I do?”

“Tell her to stop!” Bruce lightly shoved Bucky forward when he slowly got up out of his seat.

Bucky hesitantly took a step forward, his mind still trying to process everything.

Bucky maneuvered around Steve, tapping you - who was still out to get it for Josh- on the shoulder after a moment of hesitation.

“Bruce, I already told you, it’s too late-” You spun out of Steve’s grip, but your mouth dropped open when you realized it was not Bruce.

You stared at Bucky with wide eyes. But not out of fear.

Out of adoration.

He was struck with a sudden flash of nostalgia of how his mom looked at him when he gave her a card for Mother’s Day when he was 6.

"Oh, Jamie, I love it.” She had said as she read it with a soft smile.

And that same smile was on your face. “Um, hi there.”

He smiled back.

But not one of those fake smiles he put on to make Steve happy. An actual genuine smile.

And it felt good.

You smoothed out your coat, taking in a breath. “Can I help you?”

Steve stared at the two of you, a grin spreading onto his face.

“I’m not surprised. Those psychos are perfect for each other.” Josh rolled his eyes.

Neither of you heard him.

“Hi, I’m Bucky.”

“She knows.” Tony groaned.

“Shut up, Tony.” Your eyes never left Bucky’s. “Hi Bucky.”

He saw your eyes light up as they made their way to look at his metal arm.

Bruce cleared his throat loudly.

“So, um, Ace. The arm has been giving me a bit of trouble recently. I was wondering if you could maybe take a look at it?” Bucky glanced at Bruce before looking back at you.

“He means now.” Bruce added.

You looked like you were going to faint out of excitement.

“Y-yeah, of course.”

Bruce let out a loud sigh of relief.

“Um, actually.” Bucky started.

Bruce’s head shot up and started mouthing something to Bucky - probably something along the lines of ‘No! Get her out of here before she kills him!’- but he was busy looking at you.

“Maybe you wanna grab a coffee first?”

#marvel fanfiction #bucky x reader #crack fic

[buckyalpine]

Peter’s Hamster

Crack fic alert: Imagine Bucky with a pet he never wanted. He’s around the compound more cause he’s taking a break from missions for a while. In the meantime, Peter brought a hamster from the pet store and Tony is not having any of it.

“No”

“C’mon Mr. Stark, you won’t even notice him-

“I can smell him from the lab”

“I’ll invent something to stop the smell”

“Aren’t pets expensive”

“Aren’t you a billionaire?”

“Shut up Romanoff”

“He was like 2 bucks!”

Peter manages to squirrel his way into keeping his newest friend but there’s still the matter of who would care for him when everyone else as away on missions. Anyway, Bucky made it clear he would have no part in hamster sitting. Not one bit. If everyone was away then the hamster would have to fend for himself.

Like today. It had already been a few days since the collective team had left leaving Bucky in perfect solitude with his worn copy of the hobbit and his secret guilty pleasure; peanut butter cups. No one would ever EVER see the former winter soldiers suck off the chocolate left on the wrapper, licking his lips like a cat after every bit between flipping pages.

It was perfect.

Except.

Bucky could hear the sound of the squeaky wheel of the hamster going at full speed, the high pitched squeals piercing through the air.

“For fucks sake, can’t you keep it down” he grumbled before pausing and closing his eyes. “…I’m talking to a hamster”

….

“who can’t hear me”

Eventually the rustling and scurrying gets to him so he reluctantly goes over to Peters room to see what the 3 gram rodent is up to. He notices the pellet bowl is empty and water has almost run dry, though the little fur ball didn’t seem to care just yet, more concerned about cleaning and pawing at his face.

“If you had more than half a brain cell you would’ve escaped and fed yourself” Bucky scoffed, ready to turn on his heel but the tiny beady eyes that look at him make him stop.

“Pathetic” he mumbled before finding the bag of food under a pile of Peter’s clothes “no more wonder he bought a hamster, he lives like one”

The hamster nudges against him when he refills his bowl, using it as an opportunity to escape by climbing up his arm and sitting on his shoulder.

“Seriously”

The small light brown puffball stayed there while Bucky scoffed, plucking him off and plopping him back in, narrowing his eyes at it.

“This was a one time thing. Figure it out”

Is what he said and fully intended on standing by but the squeaky wheels and rustling get to him. At one point, he swears it’s on purpose as the hamsters way of getting his attention for a food refill.

So he takes matters into his own hands

“If you won’t feed yourself, I’ll teach you”

So the late night sessions begin. Rigorous circuits for the thing that was smaller than his palm, learning how to scale the cake, click the lock open and nibble its way into the pellets. 

“I’m training a hamster” 

Bucky caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, a few stray pieces of woodchips dusting his clothes while the hamster (who he now called PB....based on an interesting choice...) completed another around in less than 0 seconds. 

“I’m training a fucking hamster” 

“Good Job PB” Bucky petted his head with one finger, stopping when he was about to comment on his ability to climb the cage, 

“And still talking to it” 

Imagine the absolute confusion the team feels when they get back to find random clear tubes running along the walls, each connecting to a different room, most tubes leading to the snack cupboards and counter tops. 

The walk into the living room and no one breathes a word, too entranced by the sight of a very focused Bucky and Peter’s hamster, perched on the super soldier. He sits on Bucky's shoulder, remnants of sunflower seeds left over on the coffee table while Bucky nibbles on a peanut butter cup. 

“What the fuck” 

Bucky turned around to find everyone staring at him with a variety of expressions from shock to amusement to utter confusion. At this point, Bucky couldn’t not care less, shrugging before holding up a seed to his shoulder so PB could grab it in his tiny hands.

“Which episode now, PB”  “Who the fuck is PB” 

Bucky pointed to the furball while scrolling through Netflix, avoiding any animal documentaries, not wanting to traumatize his new tiny friend. 

“You named him PB?”

“Yup”

“Based off of what” Tony cocked and eyebrow while Bucky snorted, feeding him another sunflower seed. 

“We’ll, I originally called him Parker’s balls”

Imagine after this Bucky has PB trained to wreck havoc and steal things he likes from just about anywhere. Peter gets absolute shit from Tony because 1 Bucky was enough chaos and now its Bucky plus this tiny demon. 

#Bucky Barnes #James Buchanan Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fan fic #bucky fanfic #bucky fan fiction #bucky fan fic #bucky fan fics #bucky imagine #peter parker #spiderman #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfics #avengers fanfic #avengers fanfiction #tony stark #iron man #bucky barnes crack fic #bucky crack fic

[sleepycreamcola]

Peter: How can we defeat him...

Y/N: I crush his skull and throw him into space

Peter: No

Y/N: You never let me have any fun 😒

Drax: You are soft Quill! Soft like a stupid little baby! A baby that wasn’t breastfed, because it’s mother didn’t love it!

Quill: Okay-

Drax: You are a malnourished child!

#marvel #funny #marvel x reader #crack fic #imagines #fanfic #gotg #gotg3 #gotg imagine #gotg fanfiction #gotg x reader #guardians of the galaxy #peter quill #peter quill x reader #star lord #starlord x reader #starlord x you #peter quill x you #drax the destroyer #Drax x reader #Drax x you #gotg Drax #Gotg Peter #Gotg Starlord #Gotg Peter quill #annonymous #annonyask #answered asks #send me asks #marvel gotg

[cozy-earthbaby]

Crack Fic - 3 of a Soul

Part 1

(A/N - silly little fic start that I don’t know if I’ll keep writing but I think it’s funny! Crossover fic from DC Marvel and Danny Phantom lol. Also my friend’s oc cuz why not? Enjoy)

—

—

For Peter, it was a knife in Doctor Strange's bag.

For Danny, it was an old camera floating in the zone.

For Ro, it was a book in an abandoned bunker.

Next thing any of them knew, the three where floating in a void. Souls connected. Memories shared. A new world awaiting them...

---

---

A new cafe had popped up on the edge of Crime alley. That in itself wasn't strange.

What was strange was that in the month that it was there, nothing had happened to it.

No robbery, no villain attack, no cross-gun fire, no gangs trying to claim it. Nothing.

And it was making the Bats itch.

Tim had done a background check on the place. It was clean. Weird, but clean. It was under the name of three college students. All going to Gotham Tech.

First was the main down payment, done by one Peter Parker. Hier to a Tech company in New York, double majoring in Biology and Enginering, clearly brilliant. A real hometown sweetheart, much like 'Brucie'. Peter Parker was the prince of New York, and his father Tony Stark was the king. Clearly not hurting in the money department due to his father, government weapons contracts did pay well.

Next was a Midwestern boy named Danny Fenton. From 'small town USA', the kids nothing records aside from his school grades and bare bone medical info made him basically a ghost. Only his sister's local Clinic and filed complaints about his parents driving. They're both were freelance engineers, explaining his own choice in majors. Scholarship money with his perfect entrance scores.

Lastly, Aurora 'Ro' Jasimen. Bounced around the country in foster care, online schooling, birth certificate. If Danny was a ghost, Ro didn't exist. In general studies, having a scholarship as well.

Now the question was, how did these three meet, and why did they open a cafe together?

---

The first to check the place out was Tim.

Jason had been not so subtlety dropping hints that the cafe rubbed him the wrong way, and it was getting on his nerves. Their relationship is a lot better than it was at the start, but Jay was a born instigator through and through. Tim decided that he wasn't going to die on this hill and caved pretty early. The background check was weird, but nothing too crazy, but Jay kept pushing. Even Bruce was paying attention now, so that's how Tim wound up standing in front of the infamous cafe.

It was cute shop-townhouse combo, apparently the three lived here as well. The sign out front was simple yet elegant, reading 'Wha Chai Doin?' as the name of the place. The pun made Tim snort. 'Dick would love this place.'

As he entered the shop, the bell on the door announcing his arrival, Tim was hit with the comforting smell of coffee. He was almost taken aback from how homey and cozy the inside was, despite being empty at the moment. It was strange in a city like Gotham.

"Danny! Can you get that for me?" A feminine voice called from somewhere, causing Tim to tense.

'Danny' came out from the back with a lethargic grace Tim couldn't take his eyes off as he approached the counter. 'Danny' was pale, almost sickly, a tad shorter than Tim, with impossibly dark hair and, despite the eye bags, the brightest blue eyes Tim had ever seen. His presence both demanded attention and demanded for one to look away. Tim felt himself freeze as their eyes met, he recognized the look immediately, those where the eyes of a predator. 'Danny' defiantly noticed the hesitation. A lazy grin and a cocked brow rested on his face.

"Hey. How can I help ya?" His voice held mischief, despite the friendly midwestern drawl.

Tim's brain finally caught up. "Hi. Sorry. I'll... Uh, I'll take a medium Death Wish please."

'Danny' looked him over for a moment, lazy grin growing to match the mischief in his voice. "Ya got it," He said as he punched in the order, " Name?"

"T-Tim." The eye contact was making his skin crawl, but he refused to look away. This only seeded to amuse 'Danny' more, the boy sending Tim a wink as he continued.

"Alrighty-Roo! One medium order of Death Wish 'or Tim comin' right up!" 'Danny' announced, rather loudly, to the back, then turned back to Tim without taking his eyes off him. "$4.75, card or cash?"

"Cash." How in the world was Tim going to stake out this place with those terrifying eyes on him. His plan was to get some coffee and work on his computer, he could hang around for an hour or two. But now he wasn't so sure.

"M`kay." His toothy grin was getting dangerous. Teeth almost looking sharp. Fear was growing within him. He had to get out of there. He had to. He--

Not another moment later after Tim got his change, his coffee there ready. Deliverd by an angel. Both He and Danny startled.

A handsome young man with chestnut hair and sweet honey doe eyes brought it out. He was more built than either of them, slightly taller too. His face and eyes were warm and open, a contrast to 'Danny', and his smile friendly. The tension melted away. 'This must be Peter. I can see how he'd charm all of New York. Bet he's a lot like Dick.'

"Here you are! Sorry about Danny, we just got him to stop biting people." His New York accent was strong and playful. The friendly tease caused a snort from Tim and a Dramatic gasp from Danny.

"Petey! 'Att's so unfair! I was just helpin' Ro out!" Danny whined out, flopping onto the other man. "I wasn' doin anything! Swear!" Danny couldn't seem to hold in his own laugh, Peter joined right after. The intimidating aura that was coming from him all but vanished, breaking the illusion of whatever that was. Now Danny just was some attractive, tired, goofy guy, not Tim's newest nightmare.

The lovely laughing that came from Peter and Danny made Tim feel warm. "Right, 'cuz freaking out the customers is 'helping out'. I could Feel the tension from the back. At least he was able to order before you started being weird." Peter flicked Danny's head, earning a groan. Tim couldn't help his smile, the two of them were strangely charming how they acted off each other. An apologetic smile was sent Tim's way. "Sorry again about that. Name's Peter."

"Tim. And don't worry about it. I've lived in Gotham all my life. I don't mind weird." In truth Tim was embarrassed that Danny got to him. He was Red Robin! He worked with Batman for crying out loud.

"Yeah, Sorry. Ya knows what they say about old habits!" Danny smirked to himself as if he told a great joke. Peter just sighed.

"Yes, yes. You're a master of comedy." Peter drily delivered, "come on. Leave the man to his coffee we gotta work."

Danny's protest went unhear as Peter returned to the back.

After a moment, Danny turned back to Tim. "I really am sorry, man. wasn' trin'a freak ya out."

"It's ok. This Is Gotham after all." Tim offered a smile. Danny smiled back a bit tired.

" 'Preciate 'att. Hollar if ya need anything!" And with that, Danny followed after Peter, sending Tim a wink and a smirk before disappearing as well. Tim's face was as hot as his coffee.

Tim got a whole day's work done after that. maybe the place was weird, but it was charming. Even after everything blows over, he thinks that he might just keep coming to the cute cafe at the edge of the Ally.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #dc x dp #dp x dc #ghost king danny #dp x dc crossover #ghost #phantom #marvel #peter parker #spiderman #spiderverse #crackship #crack fic #fanfic #batfam #tim drake wayne #tim drake #red ribbon #batman #tony stank #jason todd #ocs #i’m tried #dead tired #danny x tim #3 of a soul

[writing-house-of-m]

Bend & Snap

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Crack

Warnings: A few sexually suggestive scenes, nothing graphic

Word count: 3,065

Summary: Your date night with Wanda gets interrupted in the strangest way

A/N: This was a collaborative effort between @speciallysapphic , @therunawaykind and myself for a challenge set by @vancityfire13 . I thought it was fun and wanted to share. I hope you all enjoy reading 🙂

It had been a while since you and Wanda got a chance to spend some time together. So you agreed to a quiet date night in.

Sitting in front of the TV you were nearing the end of the movie you had picked out, dirty dishes placed on the small coffee table in front of the two of you as you snuggled on the sofa. It was your turn to choose a movie this time.

You both agreed that you would take turns choosing the movies you would watch on nights like this. Wanda always opted for classic movies you hadn't seen, while you picked 'iconic' movies Wanda would have missed because of her time through the war.

The night started with taking advantage of the empty compound, spending time cooking your dinner. Music filled the air as you danced around the kitchen together between cutting up vegetables and following Wanda's instructions.

You went along as best you could but not wanting to ruin your meal, you opted to follow her around like a puppy, completing little tasks you could see needed doing.

Throughout the movie Wanda tried to keep making moves to go further than cuddling. You stopped her wandering hands each time telling her to 'watch this part, it's funny' or ‘it’s coming to a good bit'.

She always found it endearing how you wanted to share the joy of watching movies together. It was one of the things she loved about you.

Now that the credits were about to roll Wanda seized the opportunity to pounce on you. She straddled your hips and began to desperately kiss you.

When air was needed she rested her forehead against yours, inhaling then letting out a breath, "I thought the movie was never going to end."

You furrow your eyebrows as you pull your head back to ask, "You didn't like it?"

Looking at your expression she can't help but find your pout cute, "I did like it, it was funny and definitely iconic," she answers.

Your face brightens but she continues as her hands move from around your neck down your body, "I just had something else on my mind," she says, biting her bottom lip and placing her hands under your shirt.

With your lips attached again, you waste no time in lifting her slightly to lay her on her back on the sofa and get comfortable on top of her.

Before you can even think about removing her shirt you hear the loud, excited voices of a few people approaching the seating area you were in.

You recognise the voices belonging to Steve and Thor. Even though you don’t hear them you know Scott and Vision will also be present because they were assigned on the same mission.

Feeling annoyed is an understatement because you really didn't think anyone would be back today. Before you get caught like a couple of school kids, the two of you sit up, fix your hair and clothes so you are presentable for your oncoming intruders.

As they enter the vicinity Scott notices the clutter of dishes and the movie credits rolling. The other men and the android turn their attention to you too once they are made aware of your presence when he asks, “You guys had a party without us?” His face, slightly sad.

But the question adds to your annoyance because intruding was one thing but him not realising he had walked in on your date was another. “Yeah, Scott. We had a party. Just the two of us.” You smile sarcastically at the man putting his helmet down on one of the empty sofas.

When he realises your tone he squints his eyes at you, “You know, it’s not your words that hurt, it’s the way you say them,” he says as if he is wounded. You roll your eyes and sit more comfortably, wrapping an arm around your girlfriend.

The ‘wounded’ man, getting over it quickly, asks, "What were you watching?"

Wanda leans into your embrace, "Legally Blonde," she replies for you, to avoid any cynical answers.

Scott's face lights up, "Oh, I love that movie. You really couldn't have waited for us to come back?"

You roll your eyes again and are about to say something but Steve is quicker, “Yeah, a relaxing movie would be nice after the 48 hours we just had," he states, joining the conversation.

Thor gets everyone's heads turning toward him as he walks closer to where the five of you are, beer in hand, “It was a long 48 hours indeed, but we were victorious in the end,” he smiles, proudly.

It’s silent for a moment before Scott speaks again, disregarding Thor’s comment and moving his gaze to Steve, "There's nothing relaxing about Elle Woods trying to get into Harvard, defying stereotypes, getting the man of her dreams back. On top of that she deals with sexism and her self-worth."

Thor, still with a bright smile on his face, says, "Ah yes, there is nothing more important than a woman getting the education she deserves."

To which Steve chuckles along with Wanda. You notice Vision standing on the side, looking like he is trying to compute the plot of the movie.

Scott, once again disregards Thor’s comment and continues, "It has so many iconic moments; 'What? Like it's hard?',” he quotes putting his hand on his hip as he pops it out for emphasis. "And using her hair care knowledge to her advantage! Who knew the girl would get caught because she got her hair done!"

Wanda giggles at the ant man’s enthusiasm while you sit there impassively watching him, still feeling a little irritated. You can’t help but wonder if you can sneak the two of you out while Scott has the attention of the room.

Your plan is foiled when Natasha, Sam, Bucky and Tony enter, the attention moving to them momentarily as they walk closer.

It really is a party now.

Nat raises an eyebrow assessing the crowd in the area, she smirks when she sees your displeased expression. You had already spoken to her about the fact you were finally going to get some alone time with Wanda - it was clear your time was cut short.

Everyone moves their heads in the direction of Scott as he gasps loudly, "The 'Bend and Snap'!” He exclaims, “How could I forget about the 'Bend and Snap'?!"

Steve, Thor, Vision and Bucky look at him confused, as Nat looks in your direction, “Legally Blonde?” She asks so you nod your head with Wanda nodding along, thinking the question was for her.

The new patrons to the room take seats in various places, when Vision questions, “The Bend and Snap?" You hear Sam laugh at the serious demeanour Vision has.

Nat stands with her arms crossed and everyone else listens from their seats as Scott explains, it's how Elle Woods gets a man's attention. Taking a couple of steps away from the couch he shows them how it's done.

Taking out a small disc from his pocket, he cautions everyone that it is safe. But from the look on the faces no one was worried to begin with.

The group have always been in agreement that Scott was the least worrying hero, the only reason he is on the team is because enemies don’t see him as much of a threat and that gives him the advantage to blindside them.

He’s about to start explaining when you all hear a commotion coming from the direction of the hanger. A moment later you all see the members of the Guardians of the Galaxy enter.

You let out an annoyed sigh watching them stampede their way to you greeting their comrades.

The red headed spy laughs at your exasperation, you can't help but wonder why everyone has chosen today of all days to show up.

When Peter asks what’s going on, he’s shushed and told to take a seat as they all sit and stand around joining the teaching moment.

When everyone is settled down, Scott continues, “First you need an item, it can be anything at all. You drop it,” he shows the item in his hand and drops it exaggeratedly, “Oh,” he giggles putting a hand to his mouth, his voice an octave higher, “Oops,” he smiles shyly, keeping up the act.

Returning to his normal voice, “Then you bend and reach for the item, like so,” he hinges forward at the waist, simultaneously sliding his hand down his leg, explaining the movement draws attention to the length of your legs.

“The whole point is to take your time, to keep the watcher on edge,” he wiggles his eyebrows and says this is the ‘bend’ portion of the manoeuvre.

“Once you have the item in hand, you quickly,” as he grabs the metallic disc he springs up positioning either hand to the sides of his chest, framing it while arching his back. Explaining this is the ‘snap’.

There is a round of applause mixed with some laughs as Scott bows to his audience.

Thor’s mouth hangs open slightly, intrigued and can't help asking, "So… if I do this it will get the attention of a woman."

Sam and Tony laugh together, “It will definitely get some attention!” Sam exclaims.

You join in with Wanda’s laughter, unable to get over how ridiculous this all has gotten.

Thor and Peter step forward to Scott with a few questions, wanting to go through the actions with him.

“I’ll need a volunteer to show you one more time,” he looks around and sees Captain America looking hesitant to ask so he does it for him. "What about you Cap? You wanna give it a shot?"

Steve glances over to the seats and sees Bucky looking over. He smiles and blushes but says he'll try, purposely moving to angle himself right so that the Winter Soldier will get a clear view of America's ass as he 'bends'.

Scott goes through the moves step by step using the American icon as a test dummy with Bucky’s eyes never leaving his figure. When he bends forward, Scott places a hand on Steve's back to get him to bend over a little more, much to Bucky’s satisfaction.

Steve’s movements are stiff but he manages to get through it getting a pat on the back from Thor as he tries to make eye contact with Bucky when he’s standing straight again.

Everyone else is too busy conversing or watching Thor’s attempts on the side to see the hungry eyes of the Winter Soldier, making you want to throw up. All those times Bucky has called Steve ‘Captain’ coming to the forefront of your mind.

You choke on nothing when Bucky signals toward the elevator as he stands to leave, while everyone is distracted Steve follows his path.

Wanda makes sure you are okay by rubbing your back. When your coughing stops, “It’s so nice seeing everyone together, it would be better if the rest were here too,” she says, which you can't help but smile at.

These people have become her family, it was one of the first things she confided in you. As if by magic Wanda gets her wish when you feel a gush of wind fly past you. Pietro stops next to Nat and shouts across the room adding to the chaos and noise, “I told you, even with a five minute head start I’d still win!”

You turn your head, you see, Yelena, Kate, Kamala, Peter (Parker) and America enter with Bruce trailing in just after them.

Thor’s boisterous laugh has you looking at the original group that ruined your night. Scott congratulates him for getting it correct and complimenting his arms being bigger than Steve’s. Thor is beaming, "I can't wait to try this on Jane, she will be so impressed."

Vision steps past Peter (Quill), who is showing Gamora the move, speaking quietly to Scott while looking sheepish. You swear you see him blush when he makes eye contact with Pietro, not realising the action was possible for the literal machine. He stutters his question asking Scott if he could help him next.

Nat told you he had a thing for Wanda’s twin but you didn't believe it. It really was a ‘you have to see it to believe it’ kind of thing.

Vision thinks he is quiet but everyone hears the final words come out of his mouth, “I just don’t think it’s appropriate in front of my daddies.”

A sheet of quiet takes over the room that feels like it lasts forever, jaws hanging open trying to fathom what they have just heard. Sam laughs first with the rest soon following.

They realise what Vision meant so fingers are pointed at Tony, Bruce and Thor with howling laughter taking over the room.

While Tony and Bruce want to sink into the floor Thor smiles not really understanding the joke. With Vision in the same boat he looks around not really caring and looking back to Scott with quizzical eyes.

You hear Mantis whisper beside you, “How many daddies does he have?” Making you feel bile creep up your throat again.

Before Scott can answer the android, Pietro cuts in and tells him he would show him himself but in a private setting, flirtatiously.

First you had to witness Bucky and Steve’s bedroom eyes. Now this, the world really was against you today.

Nat smiles as she sees her wife walk in and make her way to her. They greet each other with a kiss and she catches Maria up with what has been going on. She scoffs at the absurdity of it all and confirms they will have dinner in a few hours.

Their attention gets turned to Sam who asks if Nat will be a judge on who can do the ‘Bend and Snap’ the best. Scott takes offence saying he was right there, wanting to be the one to do the judging.

Wanda realises you have been quiet for a bit too long, “Hey, should we continue our date in our room?” She says lowly to you.

“You don’t want to stick around a little longer while everyone is here?” You reply with your own question.

“I think this whole thing has been enough for a little while,” she laughs, making you smile.

She takes your hand as she leads you away, the loud noise of the contest being sorted getting quieter the further you walk away.

You get in the elevator and are making your way up when it comes to an abrupt stop as the building shakes.

There’s a loud sound from something followed by the alarms going off.

The muffled sounds of Scott trying to defend himself, “I thought it was a shrinking disc!” Make their way through the walls of your location.

Sighing, you ask Friday what happened, “It looks like a sofa has been supersized and crashed through several walls.”

“So, how long are we stuck here?” Wanda asks for you. The only reply you get from the automated voice is that help will be on its way as soon as possible. Wanda doesn't want to risk using her powers in case something comes crashing down on the two of you.

It doesn't take long for you to get freed. You make your way back to the seating area due to the fact the oversized sofa is partly in your room.

You can’t believe your eyes. In the fifteen minutes you spent trapped in the elevator they have managed to set up a makeshift catwalk complete with a judging table, scoring cards and everyone has an assigned number stuck to their backs.

Noticing Steve and Bucky, you realise the early leavers from before have returned to take part in this little competition too.

When you make it to Nat and Scott at the judging section they explain one of his discs hit the sofa as they were trying to move it out of the way. “We still need one more judge, unless you want to compete,” Natasha quips.

You’re about to reply saying there was no way you were going to entertain the idea of you doing the ‘bend and snap’ but Wanda answers first, “I wouldn’t mind walking down a runway for you to judge me,” she smiles at you, biting her lip.

You smirk at her, “I think I already know the score I’m going to give you,” you give her a peck on the cheek. “You still have to work for it though, I can’t have anyone thinking I have a favorite,” you lower your voice to a whisper just for her to hear.

The competition starts when Nat announces contestant number one can begin and of course it is a loud fiasco.

With music blaring, it goes exactly how you would have expected something like this to go.

America and Kamala fall over their own feet in their collaborative effort, the two Peters decide to team up (two Peters are better than one they said) and have a wardrobe malfunction when webs attach themselves to Starlords pants pulling them down, Kate pushing Yelena forward to not do anything at the end of the runway but give her sister the middle finger when she catches her sister laughing at her.

Tony even managed to get Pepper to walk down with him as she awkwardly stood to the side while he picked up his glasses from the ground. Shaking his butt in her direction just to see her blush.

Drax, thinking it was a talent show, moves as slow as possible showing he can be invisible.

What’s even crazier is that Vision completing the action snaps the wrong thing because he short circuits and gets stuck. Pietro has to take him to Tony’s lab with Tony following behind him to get the android fixed.

When Wanda inevitably wins everyone has something to say about it. “An infinite amount of points isn’t fair!” You hear a variation of this same statement from a few contestants and you only have one reply, “Maybe you should find your own judge to sleep with,” you laugh heartily at your own joke.

Even though the night didn’t go as you hoped, you still had a pretty good time.

You are especially happy with the way Wanda was smiling and enjoying herself.

#wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff fluff #steve rogers x bucky barnes #stucky #pietro maximoff x vision #pietro x vision #avengers x reader #avengers x y/n #avengers x you #mcu reader insert #self insert fanfiction #crack!fic #marvel crack!fic #fic #bend and snap tag

[dapper-zappa]

“She’s Everything. He’s just Stark.” | Tony Stark

Pairing: Tony Stark x Wife!Reader

Summary: Let's see how would it be like if you and Tony saw the Barbie movie together, shall we?

Word count: 597

Warnings: Kinda crack fic so forgive me for that and it being short, banter, references of irl celebs bc I HC that they all exist in the MCU world, Tony being the ideal bf fr, reader can be either an Avenger or civilian up to your interpretation, pretend Endgame, Infinity War, and Civil War never happened, Barbie movie spoilers (don't be like those bfs who are secretly misogynists, y'all)

A/N: Came up with this idea when I was chatting with my friends on Discord and idc what y'all say, Tony would watch Barbie for his gal (and himself) even if ironically his actor is in Oppenheimer 😭

Also I always find the HC that RDJ and Tony coexisting in the MCU to be hilarious bc they're basically lookalikes of each other in my head BAHHAHDSHHFDF

“That was…”

“Amazing. I love how empowering this movie is.” Tony continued, turning away from the screen to face you with the cutest grin ever plastered on his face. 

“Barbie World'' by Ice Spice and Nicki Minaj blared itself inside the theater studio as the credits played on the silver screen. The lights had turned on and people were starting to leave now that the Barbie movie had finished showing, with you and Tony deciding to watch it not just because of the trend, but mostly because of how you really looked forward to that movie before it premiered. While people are leaving, you, your boyfriend, and some others still lingered inside to watch the credits.

You smiled back at him. “I know, right? I never expected a movie about a literal Barbie doll to be this deep, but man, Greta Gerwig did such a fantastic job!” 

He leaned in to give your cheek a kiss. “You know, babe, hearing Gloria’s monologue about women’s struggles made me even more proud of you for being a really strong woman.” he pecked your other cheek. “You’re always there for me and your loved ones, you’re never shy of fighting for your own goodness, and last but not least, being the best wife ever.” 

“Thanks, Tones.” you replied.

“You’re welcome, because I think this is the best movie experience I ever had with my girl. Me watching one of the best movies of this year with my best girl? Yes please!” he exclaimed cheerfully.

Tony Stark might be one of the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, but he’s deep down just a loving man who loved his wife and cared for his friends. He had his own needs and interests, not just him being Iron Man plastered on murals or a kid’s bedroom poster. You, on the other hand, were a woman he admired so much for being an iron-willed woman who dedicated your life to make everyone feel better. After years of dating him, he finally proposed, with the two of you finally tying the knot some time later. 

“Honey?” you asked. 

“What’s up, Mrs. Stark?” 

“I think I know someone who should definitely play another Ken if there’s a sequel.” 

Tony tilted his head and slightly squinted his eyes in suspicion. “Who is it, hmm? You want Steve Rogers to be a Ken? Oh please, you know who’s the better choice.” he smirked playfully. 

“Robert Downey Jr.” you joked. 

“What? Out of everyone in this entire world, you chose someone who looks a lot like me instead of the actual me? The actual Tony Stark? How could you, baby?” he exclaimed, putting his hand on his chest in pretend shock. “Are you saying that you’re taking the ‘She’s everything, he’s just Ken’ thing seriously?” 

A lighthearted laughter escaped your mouth at the sight of your husband’s reaction. “Tony, I’m kidding, okay? Besides, why would I disrespect the man who’s literally boyfriend and husband material? These matching shirts aren’t supposed to be taken seriously! If anything, you’re way better than Ken, baby.” you gestured to the matching t-shirts you both wore. 

On your shirt, it said “She’s everything.” while Tony’s matching one said “He’s just Stark”. It was custom made thanks to the slogan being different and Tony wanted the name to be Stark instead of Ken, much to your dismay but nevertheless you thought he looked great in it. 

“Now that’s the Y/N I know and love.” 

You stood up from your seat and offered your hand to him. “Absolutely. Now let’s go, we have dinner waiting for us.” 

#mcu x reader #mcu fic #mcu fanfic #mcu x you #smokey writes #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #tony stark #iron man #iron man x you #tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #iron man x reader #fluff #crack fic

[blue-deneb]

*realizes both venom and princess diaries are set in san francisco* *instantly imagines a slice of life with eddie brock and his symbiote/spouse venom co-parenting mia thermopolis*

#this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever thought #…..ok no it’s not #marvel #venom #eddie brock #symbrock #princess diaries #mia thermopolis #crack fic #crack fanfic

[fotibrit]

peter parker, after being forgotten, gets a job in an insurance company and suddenly discovers how frustrating it is to live near superhero battles, as far as insurance goes.

From then on, he uses his insider knowledge about the avengers to steer them away from populated cities.

Unfortunately, the avengers seem to think he’s the new supervillain in town, and they’re determined to kick his ass

(Peter just hopes they kick his ass WITHOUT tearing down apartment buildings and disrupting public transport systems)

#marvel mcu #avengers #peter parker #spider man #a crack fic i want to read #fotibrit

[uponasoapboxb]

popping in to inform y’all that i caved and opened character ai for some giggles

i wound up creating the “Silly Goose Defense” with ai matt murdock

#matt murdock #daredevil #character ai #i dont really support ai though #i will admit im unfamiliar with the ethics of character ai #marvel #someone write a fic #silly goose defense #also lets ignore the disappearance #no time has passed actually #matt murdock x reader #this is not technically x reader #it can be a prompt though? #idk man #im tired and cracking up at this

[sam24]

Officially Confused

Summary: Tony thought you and Steve were enemies. Apparently not.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

*****

Tony sighed as he took yet another sip of the tea Bruce had given him.

“It’ll help Tony, I promise. Just try it.”

Bullshit, Tony snorted. No matter how many cups he drank of Bruce’s alleged ‘calming’ tea, it wasn’t working.

His sleep-deprivation, bags under his eyes, major headache, and lots of meetings and press conferences needed to be attended to didn’t immediately disappear like he was secretly hoping.

And on top of that were you and Steve.

You two were a major pain in the ass for Tony, arguing all the time, during missions and meetings.

Even though he loved drama, the constant bickering had gotten a little out of hand.

Steve’s loyalty didn’t sit well with you, and your sarcasm didn’t sit well with him.

And Tony was stuck in the middle.

The first time you two had met was when he came out of the ice and Fury introduced him to you as his best agent.

The whole enemies thing didn’t actually start until you two went off on your first mission together a little bit after Bucky’s ‘rescue’ (Tony honestly didn’t know what to call it). Suddenly, you two were throwing passive-aggressive insults at each other like there was no tomorrow. After a while, the passive went away and they were just full on aggressive comments.

At first, Tony thought it was hilarious. Until he realized it was just annoying.

Individually, Tony actually really liked you, and he tolerated Steve. But together? Tony absolutely dreaded being in a room with you two in it, because nothing good could happen from that.

You both could somehow find the littlest things to argue about, and they would turn into full fledged debates in a span of 2 minutes. Usually you won, but that’s probably because Tony always waited until you had the last say to break it up.

But then something happened.

After your mission together in Craiova (even though Tony strongly vetoed the idea of you and Steve going together) something changed.

You stopped rolling your eyes the minute he opened his mouth, and he stopped leaning over to whisper something you probably wouldn’t like in Bucky’s ear whenever Fury mentioned you during Avengers meetings.

Tony once even thought he caught Steve looking at you during an Avengers Movie Night that Clint dragged you to, and not in the ‘what the hell is she doing here’ way.

Tony was needless to say shocked, but he didn’t have the time to enjoy it while it lasted because he was busy worrying that you would pull a ‘sike, you thought’ (at least that’s what Peter always would say) on him and you both would go back to making Tony go crazy.

That was the moment when you decided to walk in, taking a handful of m&ms from Clint’s ‘secret’ jar.

You raised your eyebrow at the empty tea packets decorating the kitchen counter.

“You might wanna throw those away before Steve calls the cops on you for littering.” You joked.

Tony hummed as he finished the cup with a long sip.

“Don’t blame me, it was all Doctor Bruce’s doings.”

You chuckled, not bothering to question it as you shoved another handful of stolen candy into your mouth.

“Well then please carry on. It would be hilarious to have ‘Death by Green Tea’ written on your grave.” You called over your shoulder as you left.

“Yeah, so funny.” Tony muttered before getting up to make another cup of tea.

He didn’t know if it was because he was tired, half dead inside, stressed out, or just high on tea, but he didn’t realize until 20 minutes later that the oversized hoodie you were wearing was actually Steve’s.

*

One hour later, Tony was fanned out on the couch, officially confused.

There was no doubt the hoodie was Steve’s, considering the fact he wore it all the time (and that it was an abnormal size).

Certainly you didn’t steal it from him. Steve would’ve guarded it with his life. But even if you did manage to, he would’ve hunted it down in 0.001 seconds.

Were you guys together?

No way, Tony thought. The only logical explanation is that she bought a ginormous hoodie because she was cold, and it looks exactly like his because they have similar style.

But even Tony knew that was stupid.

And in that moment, Steve strolled into the common room (what are we in, Hogwarts?), looking oddly happy.

“Oh, hey there Tone.” Steve pulled out a salad from the fridge. “You okay?”

Tony’s eyes narrowed.

He was supposed to be okay. The two people who hated each other like just last week were exchanging hoodies, so that was good for him, right? No more arguing?

Wrong.

Tony wasn’t worried anymore. He was suspicious. (Or, ‘sus’, as Peter would say.)

He decided to put Steve to the test.

“I’m fine, just tired.”

Tony continued talking about all the work he had to do as he watched Steve clearly zone out.

Step one: See if Her Name Gets His Attention.

Tony said your name, and Steve looked up so fast Tony thought his neck would snap.

“ -made me some tea though, and that really helped.” Tony carefully watched Steve’s face as he lied with no remorse.

“That’s good.” Steve was a master at the poker face, but Tony could tell it was coming down.

Step two: Watch His Reaction to Her Praise.

“I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

Tony was expecting jealousy to step two, but he got something even better.

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” Steve looked down.

Tony could’ve sworn Steve was blushing.

No, he did swear. That little bastard was indeed blushing.

At this point, the rest of the steps were useless.

Steve was making it incredibly obvious.

You know that proud husband look Tony had whenever Pepper did something great that made him wanna shout ‘THAT’S MY WIFE, BITCHES’?

Yeah, that’s exactly the look Steve had on.

Steve then had a very visible realization that he was smiling like a fool and staring into space, his salad forgotten.

Steve cleared his throat and devoured the remaining of the salad as quickly as he could and practically ran out.

Tony smirked and got up from the couch - but not to make another cup of tea.

His job here was done.

Now, all he needed to do was tell the whole compound.

#marvel fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #crack fic #secret relationship

[clarks-letterman]

aftermath | steve rogers x spidey!male!reader

a/n — this is crackfic, take nothing in this fic seriously as per usual with my smut- (also, yeah, the reader is Spider-Man. thank @denim-devil for this..)

summary — Reader shows up long after Steve's birthday party ended and is determined to make it up to him.

warnings — SMUT! 18+ Rimming (reader receiving)

words — 2k

~~~

The soft hum of a vent in the ceiling rustled the flaxen hair of the super-soldier sitting beneath it. Slumped in one of the black dining chairs, the ventilation susurrated his perceptive ear as he thumbed over one of his newest gifts. No light perforated the windows off to his side apart from the occasional firework from miles away, the moon sitting high and shining a pale glow that rivaled the square tiles of fluorescent lighting embued overhead. They created a streaking glare over the tightly melded cellophane covering Steve's new watch that was easy to pull away, leaving him with a cheap recreation of himself in silicone.

It was meant to be a joke told on Tony's behalf, giving it to him as the final gift after the party had started heading out that he had teased for weeks leading up to today. Steve was a bit confused when he saw the red, white, and blue-striped wristband, followed by a cartoony caricature of the man out of time, represented by the fact that his mouth was open wide with a small LED panel matching the likes of a calculator keeping track of the time. While Steve did not get the joke at first, he instantly understood the technology. He was grateful to receive a coherent device rather than some complex machinery with knobs and buttons that would perplex him for weeks until he would eventually cave in and ask you for help with it after accepting his own defeat. Sure, it ruined Tony's joke, but it felt from his time like the whole day had.

Thanks to the other male, Steve had gotten to spend the day in an olden times party themed around the decade that he went into the ice. The kitchen and dining area had been left untouched, but everyone on the team tried dressing up in an appropriate outfit for the decade and even attempted to bake a cake with an authentic recipe from then—a rich and moist raspberry cake with a bulky layer of thick cream cheese frosting coating the sponge. They were lucky that the requirements for a cake have stayed roughly the same for over a century. The bash got wild as Tony drunkenly invited as many people as he knew, leaving the kitchen a mess. In the end, the party went off without a hitch, and the only thing that could have made his day better was you.

Down the hall, distanced from the scattered confetti and half-hung streamers, came the repeated strike of rubber against shiny linoleum flooring. Steve heard the rushed footsteps grow closer until they came to a halt in the same room as him, and his bowed head scanned the floor until reaching your feet, following up the set of spandex-clad feet to the rest of your body, favorably outlined by your suit.

"Did I miss it?" Your voice came out with a huff as you glanced around the room, seeing the various party decorations and litter coating the floor, complete with knocked-down high-rise chairs and a few booze-stained spots on the furniture. However bad this got, you knew you had missed all of it, "Shit. I'm sorry, Steve."

He sat up, placed the gag gift on the dining table, got up, and reached down to a cabinet under the sink. He spoke as he fetched them, "It's alright. Since you're here now, we could clean this mess up together before everyone gets back." Steve returned with two trash bags, and you instinctually shot a string of silk out to one of them before reeling it across the room.

"Where did they go off to?" You asked, reaching down to pick up the disposable cups that contrasted the party's original theme of an older time with a touch of something modern.

"A club that Tony has VIP access to," Steve answered, doing the same on the opposite side of the kitchen, "I know you probably don't want to be doing this after your long day."

You continued to pick up the scattered litter, “Well, we met cleaning up the scum of New York, so cleaning up trash is just like that. But one sounds so much lamer.”

A few moments went by before you realized that you could easily pull things from the ground into the bag with a quick thwip as you were still wearing your suit. You thought about walking straight to bed and letting Steve pick up the trash on the floor, but you had already missed his special day, and he didn't deserve to be stuck cleaning up everyone else's mess.

“I can change out of my suit after this, and we can head out for dinner or something else? I’m sure something’s still open, and they can sing those stupid songs about it being your birthday. Are you gonna tell them you’re one-hundred and four or thirty-six?” You offered, “I want to make it up to you, Steve.”

Steve tied the knot on the ends of his trash bag, tossing it against the wall and retrieving a second bag, “Knowing that you were saving everyone else is how you make it up to me. Besides, the only saving I needed was from Tony’s party by the end of it.”

You let out a low and knowing chuckle, “Let me guess it turned into another birthday rager, Rogers?”

“Yeah, I convinced him to clear it out before it got too crazy. Glad he took everyone else with him.”

“So, you were waiting for me?” Steve stayed silent, and the silence ushered you closer to him. You moved into picking up stuff in the area he was working on—the junk covering the wide kitchen island and the surrounding countertops. The dark counters bordering the island were the remnants of the ingredients used to make Steve's timely cake, one of which was a hefty piping bag still half-filled with icing. You took it with one hand. Surprisingly, it can't be much bigger than Steve himself when he hasn't seen you all week.

Regardless, the guilt gnawed at you as Steve stayed silent, his eyes burning you from behind as he watched you, “I’m sorry, Steve.”

“Why do you keep saying that? You were saving the world,” He opposed.

You turn, still holding the bag of icing, “Because I am, and if I can’t separate hero stuff from you and me, then where does that leave us?”

“Hand me that icing?”

“What?“

“And get on the island, all fours.”

You follow through with what he says, passing him the piping bag and hopping up onto the surface of the kitchen island with your hands and knees propping you up, and the next thing you know, a large hand pulls the lower half of your suit down, exposing your backside to the chilled air inside the compound.

“Steve, what are you—,“ He cut you off before you could protest his actions.

“I think you’re right about what you said. We met on the battlefield, so we can’t be us without embracing the hero stuff and its downsides. Now, I don’t usually proposition myself as a—,“ Steve pauses for a moment before choking out the words, “—bussy lover, am I using that right?”

“Yeah, you are, old man.”

“Then this ass belongs on the field as much does to be loved,” Steve confessed, gripping the bag firmly in one hand, careful not to let any spill out from the top and angle it to your ass. His hand tensed, squeezing his digits into the pudgy cream encased in plastic film. The pressure forced the solid-colored cream to puff out at the pointed tip.

Steve doled out the thick icing along the line of your crack, funneling a hefty stripe of it from your puckered hole to your lower back. With one broad stroke of his tongue, Steve lapped it all up in one go without interruption. It added a world of sweetness to what was otherwise flavorless eye candy for him to admire, and brief notes of tangy wonders reminded him of the perfect peach in front of him.

As for you, your arms went limp after the initial shock of a feeling sending more shivers through you than the air against your exposed skin after a long day in the summer sun. Steve wasted no time cleaning up his purposeful mess with an impressive singular stroke that was teasing and warm. That was just from one taste, and yet you both wanted more. With a single hand, a slow arch came to form as Steve slid his hand down the scarped ramp that was the small of your back, using his newfound hold to bring you closer to him. Your ass was on full display as your knees were hidden, tucked into your lower middle, while your hole revealed itself from your assumed position.

A soft press to the flimsy plastic on Steve's behalf sent another, much smaller, dollop of frosting to fall over your waiting pucker. The feeling of a soft and wet press to your opening elicited a cry from the other end, but Steve only sat there for a moment. You thought he would lave over your crack with a broad stroke of his tongue like he had done before to savor the taste of what was offered to him, but he deferred himself from the idea. Steve kept the tip of his tongue prodding at a dab of icing layering your hole, his nose ghosting along the trail leading to your tailbone until he pressed further.

Steve used his pointed tongue to dive into your warmth, building pressure inside from his wide tongue as another strain came from the crotch of your suit. You caved to the urge to work against the strongest—and most pleasing muscle—Steve had received throughout his ancient history, pressing back until you felt his lips against your rim. His tongue reached deeper, exploring new places and taking the creamy frosting with it.

It didn't take long for Steve to start moving, bobbing his head and reeling his tongue back and forth. And it took even less for his hand to abandon the remaining icing and glide his hand amid the space between your heat-radiating erection and the chilled counter surface below, creating friction with his hand that stimulated your lycra-clad cock. The two of them working in tandem poured noises out of you that didn't reflect the tune of a happy birthday but were a new song, complete with high cries and low begs for Steve to drive you to climax.

Soon, Steve's lips started to do with your hole what his broad muscle of receptors couldn't. He kissed at your sensitive nerve-endings, catching whiffs of the sweet cream while his tongue was as deep as he could push it, stretching those same nerves out with the reach of it. That was it. That was your breaking point. It was in those final moments that you had fireworks bursting in your mind as your suit became a mess of its own, white spurts pooling with each movement of Steve's mandible.

His absence was noticeable as he pulled away from your rear, giving a few laps to the bits of frosting on your cheeks to add additional instigation to your slowly fizzling high. Almost as if it were the scattered remains of powder drifting down from a deflagrated uproar.

You turned, flipping on your back to the dark granite as you laid flat against it, "I forgot to say happy birthday to you."

Steve let out a low chuckle as a sign that everything was okay again, "It really was a happy birthday to me."

#this is so stupid #im sorry #crack fic #marvel #spiderman #spiderman!reader #marvel x reader #captain america x reader #captain america x male reader #captain america #steve rogers x male reader #steve rogers x reader #stever rogers #steve rogers x male!reader #captain america x male!reader #chris evans #chris evans x male reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans x male!reader #captain america x spiderman!reader #marvel fanfiction #mlm nsft #gay

[juniaships]

The most awkward Miguel x Reader smutfic ever

Or, what REALLY happens when Miguel uses his fangs on you. Basically my response to fics that make Miguel out to be an "animalistic" Sex God. Because y'all suck and racist. Might make a part 2 I dunno. TW for healthy!sex, temporary paralysis.

Sade croons in the background, as vanilla incense burns on on a metal plate on your dresser. It isn't common for evenings like this: between Miguel often working late, you caring for your daughter and handling Anti Mutant bullshitters, and the both of you sharing joint duties as the protectors of Nueva City.

But on this rare night of peace you and your husband knew y'all had to take advantage. With your daughter staying with Miguel's mama, you broke out the essentials you would need to make it special.

Right now, you were laying in the bed, dripping with need as Miguel rubbed his hands all over you. The blue and red intimates you bought many months ago lay in tatters alongside Miguel's clothes. Your hair is secured & covered with a bonnet you bought specifically to match your now-ruined outfit. A few stray curls lay damp on your forehead.

The guilty party trails his instruments of titillation across your skin as gently as possible. As if they never shed a single drop of blood, his talons leave behind a trail that tingled your thighs. Miguel's plush lips follows behind, he poetry that sears through you like cinnamon, his brown locks messy from your playful hands.

"My love... dios mio how did i get so lucky," he whispered. He sucks a patch of your thigh harshly. You jump. Your insides clench and you swear you could feel an ocean under your rump. Your pretty little clit throbs impatiently as your love continues making a meal of you.

Miguel smells the arousal. It's his favorite activity (he had plenty). Slowly easing you into a state of mindless pleasure, an iceberg of a serene ocean, before plunging you into the fiery passion below. It is so pungent the pheromones warp his mind in a symphony of colors.

Your heavy moaning drives his canines to elongate.

He freezes suddenly as he felt one dig into the brown flesh just below your intimate area. He hears you jump then relax with a sigh. So relaxed, your body stops writhing and all the pleasure slows down to a simmer.

You were already drooling but something tasted different. Your lips throb and like a dentist applying numbing cream you lose sensation in your entire mouth. Sensuality gives way to panic and you shout your husband's name.

Or try to. Since you had your head turned to the side your tongue hangs lifelessly as small pool of saliva forms. Your fingers lose their grip on the sheets. You try to flail about to get his attention.

It is when Miguel hears your frightened pleas when he jerks his body away from you. He stares down, his gorgeous eyes full of confusion and shame.

"Oh fuck!"

"Yes Miguel I'd like to get back to that," you snark in your mind. You haven't broke your code against capitalism to let sexy times go to waste.

"I knicked you with my teeth," he sighed. He rubs the bridge of his nose. God why did he was so reckless? One night just one night to give his love the love she deserves and he couldn't even control his most basic body function?

"I thought you said you can control the length?" Her words slurs out in dismantled grunts. Miguel scratches the back of his head.

"I guess I got so distracted by your beauty I got a little carried away" he says. He allows himself a tiny, nervous grin.

"Besides I'm kinda liking you this way," he says as he strokes his hand down your cheek. He left the biting to you and you would've had bitten him in retaliation if not for your current predicament.

Fury simmers inside you at his sad attempt at appealing to you. "How long until it wears off?"

Miguel runs a tentative thumb against your thigh. "Since it's only a scratch it should take maybe... One hour. At the least."

"One hour? That's a foreplay's worth of waiting," you lament as you try to move your legs. You couldn't even wriggle your toes.

"You do know after this wears off I'm gonna kick your ass," you try to say. Miguel couldn't stop the low snicker that came out of his mouth at your pathetic attempt at a threat.

"Don't worry my ass's been needing some of your kisses anyways. Pavement doesn't make for good cushions," he said. He reaches over you to set the timer on the clock.

"If it doesn't wear off by then we'll just call it a night."

"If? You mean I'm going to be stuck like this forever?!" You cry out in fear.

"Don't worry i have an antidote?"

"Your death?"

"No. This." He begins to prop you up on the pillows as best he could, and starts massaging your legs. While you couldn't move much you could close your eyes. Thankfully, you could make it through the evening without dryness. Visually and down there too.

Of course you had to cancel the sex part. Miguel has no desire ant to screw you while you lay so helplessly. He wants to do you safe in his arms. You sigh one more time as Miguel caresses his strong warm hands apologetically across your body, until you finally retain some sensation. By then the serenity consumes you into a peaceful sleep, and Miguel pulls you into a tired embrace.

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel x black reader #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #astv spoilers #marvel x black!reader #tw smut #crack fic #black self shipper #miguel o'hara fluff #miguel x reader smut #humor #writers on tumblr #marvel #spiderman