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#like people love me beyond it being an obligation and WANT to make memories and consider each other family and and and
pearlcigs · 4 months
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⋆ make a woman out of me
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christian!virgin!reader x ellie williams
summary ⋆ you swore to yourself you only longed for ellie in a platonic way, but as you get older you seem to realize just how pretty she really is.
warnings ⋆ 2.95k ⋆ smut, i might get cancelled 🤷‍♀️, reader (non penetrative) virginity loss, religious themes, ellie is 19, reader is 18, pastor's daughter!reader, mentions of homophobia, alludes to reader's parents being homophobic, ellie smokes weed, pet names (pretty girl, babe, honey, baby, good girl), cursing, first kiss, corruption, corruption kink, oral (r recieving)
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time moved slowly within the parameters of jackson. the same familiar faces, day in and day out. though, it was comforting living in such a community. the horrors of the world beyond the walls that stood tall was something you rarely wanted to think about. it made you sick to your stomach to think of your friends, loved ones, even people you weren't particularly close with, outside of the safe walls, being face to face with whatever monsters marred the unhabitual world.
your parents were strict with religion, your father being the only self acclaimed paster that jackson has ever had to offer. there was never a time you could remember, even before finding refuge in the cozy town, where your parents weren't devout. vivid memories of your mother's fingers gliding over the cross necklace she wore around her neck when you would get in trouble. disappointed sighs and signs of the cross, begging the lord above for forgiveness, explaining to the sky you were too young to know what you've done was a sin.
the bible was followed closely in your home, and you obliged without caution. you prayed, attended your father's mass sessions in the tiny chapel just down the road where he preached the bible, wore the holy cross around your neck to show your devotion, you've read the old torn and withered bible you were so lucky to find front to back. religion was all you've ever known and you had found no reason to ever question the man who hung on your wooden walls, hanging from a cross with his hands and feed nailed to it like an animal. that was, until ellie.
"come on, don't you wanna jus' see what it feels like?" ellie teased, waving the joint in front of your face like a taunt. "no thank you." you replied, sitting at the foot of her bed, legs crossed, eyes wandering around her room. when ellie first came to jackson you were infatuated with her, dwindling it down to pure want but only of friendship. "good girl, that's what you say when someone offers you this shit." ellie moves the weed away from your face, inhaling it and then turning away to exhale the smoke away from you.
it started with just friendly smiles, offering to show her around and help her get to know everyone. she was wary of you. honestly, afraid of your friendly demeanor. people on the outside of the jackson walls were cruel and vicious, she thought, with no doubt in her mind, you were being friendly to lure her into some kind of trap. she danced around you with caution, keeping her distance but also decidingly giving you a chance. she quickly became fond of you, your personality, your looks. everything about you appealed to ellie and something about that made you proud, even more eager to befriend her.
the words 'good girl' ring from her mouth and you're not sure how to respond. was there even a proper response to your best friend calling you that? a simple nod was all you could come up with. watching her lips intently as she blew the smoke out of her lungs. your fingers came up to your neck, fiddling with the cross necklace around your neck, a habit passed down from your mother. ellie never paid much attention to your shy outlook on life. you were reserved and a part of her liked that she had so much of you to herself.
it wasn't until you were 17 that you finally came to terms with the fact that your infatuation was more than just a yearning to be her friend. tears of guilt streaming down your face in the confessional at the shoddy chapel, divider between you and the young volunteer who was ready to beg jesus to abolish your sins. "i'm a girl... and i like another girl." you sniffled, lowering the pitch of your voice instinctively so he wouldn't see past your anonymity. ache in your heart when silence was returned, until soft mutterings of a prayer, asking jesus to forgive your tainted heart.
ellie extended her arms behind her head, a small stretch that gave you big feelings. her shirt rode up, exposing the small of her stomach. you swallowed harshly, wondering why god would tempt you with something like this. a soft sigh emits from ellie's lips, flicking the almost finished joint into a nearby makeshift ashtray. another soft sigh falling from her perfect lips. intent eyes trying to be secretive of the no less then unholy thoughts that you were being tempted with.
ellie was put off at first by your fervent religion. her experiences were tainted, never having a good visual of what a healthy relationship with god looked like. she was unsure if you were going to try and convert her into some pious worshipper. you weren't secretive of your religion and that much was enough to make ellie suspicious. with time she realized you were different from the other religious people she's met. only bringing up your religion or anything to do with it when you were directly asked or if it was really important to speak about.
"whatchu lookin' at, pretty girl?" she chuckled as she noticed the way your eyes locked onto her, like if you looked away she'd be gone. it wasn't unusual for ellie to be flirty or to make casual remarks about how pretty you were. still, every time she did your cheeks were adorned in a rosy color. "just you, i guess. i dunno..." you answered back quickly, hoping that answer was enough to satisfy her eager curiosity. "yeah? just me? got something you wanna say to me?" she was just joking around, trying to get you riled up and flustered but you did have things you wanted to say to her.
"no." you answered, though you were sure she wasn't expecting an actual response. "no? yikes, babe, i'm hurt, thought we had somethin' real here." she smiled and you felt the butterflies in your stomach become tongue tied. one thing you loved about ellie above all things was her smile, how the skin around her eyes scrunched up just the tiniest bit, the apples of her cheeks becoming more prominent. everything about her smile made your head spin.
"els, i like you." the words slip out of your mouth before you could even process what was going on. her smile that coerced you to confess to her in the first place falters. "i'm sorry?" she questions, unsure if you meant what she thought you did. you had never said anything that led ellie to believe you were homophobic or that you thought all gay people were sinners like most of the older people who were religious in jackson did. but still she was careful to keep her sexuality from you, strongly assured you would take after your parents' stance on homosexuality.
"i... i don't know why i said that." you say, truthfully. mouth slightly agape and eyes widened with shock that you'd just outed yourself after years of trying to force down your feelings. there was a silence between the two of you. silence wasn't uncommon around each other, sometimes the both of you preferring to spend your time together quietly as a way to unwind after a treacherous day. but this silence was different than those times. ellies breath was caught in her throat, words jumbled on her tongue.
she only began reacting when she saw the panic on your face, followed by your eyes becoming glassy. "hey, hey. don't cry. it's okay." she comforted, sitting up and placing a hand on your knee. she wasn't good at comforting people, you were well aware of that. "i didn't mean to.." you admitted, voice timid and quiet, still uncertain to how she would react. "hey, it's okay, honey." the term of endearment sliding off her tongue like she was meant to call you that for the rest of your lives.
"i'm not mad." ellie affirms, her tone soft, knowing how afraid of other people's anger you are. another flash of silence emerges, just you and ellie staring at each other. neither of you knowing what to say. she pitied you, seeing how much you resented yourself. your bottom lip slotted between your teeth, biting hard enough to potentially draw blood. "don't do that..." she mutters, gently running her thumb over your partially chapped lips, pulling your bottom lip out of your teeth's grasp.
your breath hitches, a small shudder traveling up your spine. your eyes locked on hers, your heart beating loud enough for the whole world to hear. ellie's eyes flicker down to your lips and then back to your eyes. "i've liked you for a while." you admit, knowing there was no going back at this point. "oh, yeah?" her voice was low, some would even describe as seductive. her thumb still lingering on your bottom lip. "yeah." you whisper back, your eyes now flickering down to her lips.
ellie's hand moves to your jaw. her eyes flicking down to your lips one last time before she leans down and presses her lips against yours. her lips are soft, just like you had imagined. she seems skilled, like she knew what she was doing and what the end goal was. a small smile forming on her face as she realizes you have no idea what you're doing. “like this.” she mumbles against your lips acutely aware how clueless you were when it came to romance.
you follow her lead, doing your best to follow her lead. her free hand finding your waist, squeezing gently. you pull away, panting faintly. "i don't know.." you mumble, trailing off as ellie puts her lips back to yours. the hand that was on your jaw roaming to the back of your head, fingers getting tangled in your hair. "i know." ellie responds moments later, her lips brushing against your with each syllable. you couldn't comprehend what was happening, your mind going blank with ellie's lips on yours. she adored the way you looked at her. looking at her like you needed her.
she gently lays you back, grabbing the first pillow she could find and settling it under your head so you were comfortable. her thighs either side of your body, her body weight on top of you, giving you a cozy feeling you'd never experienced before. "you don't even know how long i've been wantin' to kiss your pretty lips..." she whispers, her bangs hanging in front of her face. you bring your hand up to her face, nervously tucking the hair behind her ear. "god, you're so fuckin'..." she stops, just taking a second to admire how alluring you looked under her.
her lips dip down to your neck, slowly biting and sucking on the skin. your breath hitches, a small whine pushing past your swollen lips. ellie groans against the skin of your neck. "make more of those pretty noises f'r me." she mumbles, hips rolling over yours, another whine spilling from you at the pleasurable feeling. ellie's kisses move away from your neck, down your body. trailing down your collarbone to your clothed chest to your stomach. her lips stop, hovering right above your pussy.
your heart was beating out of your chest, you back arching a little in anticipation. "how bad do you wan' it? tell me, baby. tell me how much you wan' me." she was totally and utterly obsessed with you, her mind becoming drunk by the thought of you— the mere sight of you. "p-please, els..." you mumbled, voice timid from embarrassment. it was partially expected though, you'd never done anything like this. "i want you..." it was simple but effective, making ellie go feral for you. "fuck—"
she lowers her lips to your pussy, kissing over the fabric of your shorts. watching her through hooded eyes, your pussy throbbing from her touch. "gonna eat this pussy s'good. show you what you've been missin' out on." she groans, the fabric of your shorts dampening as she trails her tongue over the sensitive area. ellie surprised herself, shocked that she was able to dirty talk to you so easily like this. your hips were writhing against the bed, more eager than you've ever been in your entire life. you felt dirty for wanting this, knowing that god was watching you become a total slut for ellie.
ellie's fingers hooked on your shorts, pulling them down slow as slow could be, chuckling as you whined. "ellie. ellie, please." you muttered, begging for her to hurry up. ellie's eyes rolled back, the sound of you begging getting her more aroused than she's ever been. no one's ever made her feel like this before. she was done with the teasing, if not for your sake but for hers. she pulled your shorts and underwear off swiftly, discarding them somewhere to find later.
her eyes locked on your bare pussy, fighting back a moan at the sight. "you've got me so fucked up, babe." she muttered, kissing around your thighs first. you were nervous, breath shallow and quick paced, hungry for ellie but embarrassed nevertheless. your voice was caught in your throat, blinking quickly as you watched ellie kiss all over your thighs. ellie looked up at you and you were able to see that she was just as nervous as you. "is this okay? you can tell me to stop." she sounded sincere, pushing aside her pure need to get your consent.
you nodded, not trusting your voice. "use your words like the good girl you are, yeah?" she's longing to just taste your glistening cunt. "yes— yes, els. 't's okay..." she doesn't waste another second after hearing your shaky voice, tongue urgently dipping between your wet folds. you moan at the contact, feeling like you were on cloud 9. ellie's tongue presses flat against your clit, your hand clamping over your mouth. moans being muffled as ellie savors the sweet noises your dripping cunt was making.
ellie wasn't fond of you muffling your perfect little sounds, wanting to hear just how good she could make you feel. "let me hear you. don't make me punish you.." you don't move your hand away from your sinful mouth. your free hand finds ellie's, interlocking your fingers which she gladly accepts. "c'mon, baby. let me hear you." she encourages once more, lips moving against you with ease, mixture of your wetness and her spit. but to her dismay, you still ignored her commands. her free hand sliding your shirt up your body to expose your breasts, you were never one to wear a bra. her hand kneading the supple flesh, thumb running over your nipple.
she licks a strip from your entrance to your clit, making your thighs shake with immense pleasure. "wanna be a brat?" she mumbles into your pussy, looking up at you through her eyelashes, staring you down as her tongue circles your clit. "what is it they make you do in confession? hail mary's? 5 of 'em, now. or i stop." she smirks, watching the look in your eye become more flustered by her request. you slowly move your hand away from your mouth, not wanting this pleasure to ever stop.
"h-hail mary, full of grace—" you cut yourself off with a moan, eyes squeezing shut as you lift your hips, pushing your cunt further into ellie's face. "get to ruin this pretty pussy." ellie groans. "keep goin'. don't stop." she aids you to continue, feeling your cunt flutter around her tongue. "the lord is with— is with thee..." you continue, stuttering through the words. "good girl, keep goin' f'r me. let me hear you." she continues to egg you on, talking into your pussy. her own moans mixing in with the sound of yours.
"blessed art thou— ellie, please..." you whine, squeezing her hand and throwing your head back into the pillow, back arching off the bed. "c'mon, pretty girl. blessed art thou..." you toes curl at her words and the feeling of her tongue teasing your entrance. "—amongst... amongst women..." you trail off, mind becoming to hazy to even remember the words to the prayer you've prayed everyday since you could talk. ellie smirked into your cunt, relishing in the feeling of being able to turn your mind into mush, being the only one able to turn your mind into mush.
your moans and whines became breathier and higher pitched with each flick of her tongue. your stomach twisting in an unfamiliar knot. "ah, ah, ellie—" your thighs trying to clench together and push her head away, the feeling becoming too much. "you're gonna cum, baby?" she spreads your legs wider, her only greedy want is to make pleasure wash over you. "ellie! ellie! ellie!" you chant her name, eyes rolling back as the pleasurable wave of your orgasm finally hits you, moans loud and unfiltered.
"there we go... yeah, nice an' easy. fuck." she mutters, tongue fucking you through your high until your writhing and pushing her off of you. her lips relocating to your thighs and slowly working their way up to your pelvic bone, soft kisses against your skin. "tasted so good, baby. best pussy i've ever had." she praises, eager to show you just how much you pleasured her even though you technically didn't make her cum. "els..." you whined, face flushed a rosy red. "yeah, baby. 'm right here." she leaves a trail of kisses up your body as she reaches your lips, leaving a soft peck to let you know she was here. "does this mean you like me too...?" you asked innocently. "are you serious?"
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musings-of-a-rose · 1 year
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I Never Stopped Loving You
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I Never Stopped Loving You
Pairing: Joel Miller x OFC “Catie”
Word Count: 7700+
Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!
Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 
Notes:  @theewokingdead is such an enabler and I love her for it! This is 100% her idea (I’ll post it at the end). I’m just doing the words!
And yes, this is my first OFC character! 
**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!
Main Masterlist
Joel Miller Masterlist
I Never Stopped Loving You Part 2>>
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September 26th, 2013
2 pink lines.
2 little pink lines that will change the entire course of my life from here on out. Not just my life, but his life too.
Joel.
It’s not like we just started dating. It’s been a couple of years, but we hadn’t really brought up the idea of adding another child alongside his Sarah. And yet, here I am, staring down in disbelief at these 2 little pink lines, memories of the night that caused this from a couple weeks ago flashing before my eyes briefly before my brain starts to spiral.
Would he be happy? Mad? Leave me? Feel obligated to marry me? How will Sarah feel?
Before I can spiral more, my phone springs to life, it’s ring loud in my tiny bathroom as it vibrates across the counter. I knew from the ring it was him, but what I didn’t expect was Joel to sound so tired and frustrated.
“Hey baby.”
“Hey, sweetheart.”
“Is that contractor being a dick again?”
He chuckles, low and deep. “How’d you guess?”
“He’s been giving you shit for weeks. I don’t know how you deal with it.”
“Because I need the money. But I’m starting to think it may not be worth it to keep my mouth shut.”
He launches into a story about his day from hell, how the contractor is making everything take 10 times as long as it should. When he finishes, he takes a deep sigh before speaking again.
“You able to check on Sarah?”
“Yeah. She’s doing fine. Ordered a pizza. Sorry I couldn’t hang with her.”
“It’s alright. You feelin’ any better, sweetheart?”
I could tell him now, tell him that my secret suspicion of my nausea over the last several days has been confirmed, but I don’t want to tell him like this. Not over the phone, not when he’s exhausted and frustrated. I’ll tell him when I see him next.
“A little.”
A beep sounds and Joel pauses. “That’s Tommy. I’ll call him back later.”
“No, no. It’s ok, answer it. Just go home and get some sleep.”
“You sure?”
“Positive. See you tomorrow?”
“Definitely, sweetheart. Feel better.”
I feel guilty for not telling him right away, but the timing just isn’t right. Besides, this gives me some time to wrap my own head around it and figure out exactly how to tell him.
—----
Waiting was not a great idea.
I had fallen asleep at some point, but I was woken up by…is that screaming? Something is happening outside and it doesn’t sound good. 
Creeping up to the window, I pull the curtains back just enough to peek outside. People are moving about the street, but something isn’t right. They’re all running from Mr. Stevens, my neighbor from several houses down. He’s running after them, but it’s not normal. No…not human. He leaps forward, jumping onto the nearest person and…shit!
I run back to my nightstand and grab my phone. The first few times I try to get a call out, it’s a busy signal. Whether the lines are cut or busy is beyond me, but I have to keep trying. My fingers tremble as I use speed dial to try to get Joel. The phone slips from my hand and clatters to the floor.
“Shit!”
I bend down and pick it up, hitting the green call button and miraculously, the call goes through. My breathing speeds up, I feel like my heart is about to pound out of my chest. I’ve never needed a call to go through more than now-
“Catie?”
“Joel?”
“Thank God. Listen, somethin’ is happening. Something with the people-”
“I know. I saw the neighbor-”
“Stay away from them-.....not right-....Sarah and I-.....”
“Joel?” The line keeps breaking up, static cutting out more than half of whatever he was trying to tell me.
“....just stay put….no lights….there soon…”
“I- ok. I’ll stay here.”
“Love you, sweethea-”
The phone cuts off and the connection dies with it. I pull the phone away from my ear and look down at the screen. My phone still has battery but over the service bars is an X. Guess they either cut the service or something happened at a tower. Either way, it’s not good. 
I stay there a moment longer until more screams and glass breaking from across the street somewhere bring me harshly back to reality. I click my lamp off and head into my closet, finding the new hiking backpack I’d bought a couple weeks ago with Joel, who planned to take Sarah and I hiking soon. Be smart, Catie. It’s just like camping. What do I need realistically?
I’m no stranger to traveling, so I roll all my clothes, putting on a 3rd pair of jeans and a shirt, making sure to pack and wear thicker socks that will last longer. I also toss in a bar of soap, my waterproof matches and firestarter, some salves I had just finished making last week, and some other random items. The pack isn’t too heavy, which I’m grateful for. I grab one of Joel’s flannels and throw it on over my clothes before hoisting the backpack over one shoulder. 
Quietly, I creep downstairs, ears straining to hear anything out of place. I hear nothing - well, nothing aside from the ominous noises from outside. I’m so glad that I have curtains all around my house, never wanting people to see in, especially at night. I fill my canteen with water and grab a bunch of high protein, portable snacks, tossing them in my bag and strapping the water to the side. I make up another canteen to add to the other side to balance the weight. Plus, having extra water wasn’t a bad thing. Right?
I kept my phone on me in case Joel managed to get through again. I pull it out to see if anything had changed, but nothing. It’s been at least 20 minutes since I spoke to him, but even if he had left his home right at that moment, it would still be another 5 or so minutes before he’d get here. And I’m sure he’s running into obstacles outside. 
When it hits the hour mark, I become officially worried. 
I know he told me to stay put, but the screams outside are lessening, which can only mean one thing. I’m not waiting around for it to be my turn.
Grabbing a pen, I scribble a quick note telling Joel to meet me at the cabin, my parent’s cabin that they had given me to use with Joel and Sarah. It’s out in the middle of nowhere but it’s self sustainable and the perfect place to hideout from…whatever is happening. 
I leave the note in a conspicuous place, hoping that he’ll be able to see it. I check the knives I stored in my boot and one in a leg strap on my thigh. Initially a gag gift from my brother when I started hiking more, I learned how to use them a little, just in case. Otherwise, I have my bow-my bow!
Quickly, I head into my office closet and grab my bow and quiver of arrows, making sure I have the proper attachments for attaching them to my backpack. I pick up my keys, fingers trembling and I nearly drop them. 
Then my sliding door crashes open, glass shattering everywhere, inhuman noises coming from whatever fell through it.
I don’t even bother to look, throwing open the front door and slamming it behind me, eyes scanning the yard for any threats. Thank God I have a keyless entry, the car unlocking for me and I throw my bag and bow in as I slide in the seat of my suv, slamming the door shut behind me. I fumble with the keys, trying to jam them in the ignition when I hear my front door slam against the ground. I manage to jam the key in and the engine turns over. I backup quickly out of my driveway and peel off down the street as Mr. Stevens comes out of my house, moving towards my car but quickly giving up as I drive away. 
I make it about 10 blocks when I see her. My neighborhood friend Lucia, running for her life from…something who used to be a someone. No hesitation, I turn my suv, slamming into the something and sending it flying. Lucia turns and sees me, eyes wide with fear as she runs towards me as I beckon her to get in. She throws open the passenger door and screams at me to go before she even closes it behind her. I do, speeding off down the road and somehow managing to get out of the nieghborhood without road blocks or hitting anything else.
For now, I’m ignoring what I see and focusing on getting us out. 
Lucia says nothing, eyes scanning the road and looking behind us to make sure everything is clear. By the grace of a higher power, we manage to make it to the back highway that will eventually bring us to my parent’s cabin. Or my cabin now, I guess. 
“Luce, are you ok?”
Lucia is breathing heavy but she nods, turning her head towards me as she starts to relax slightly. “Thank you for stopping. I..I wouldn’t have made it otherwise.”
“I’m just glad I could help.”
A few moments of silence pass between us before I speak again.
“Are you hurt or..or bit? I don’t..I don’t know what-”
“No. I don’t know how but no.”
“What are they?”
Lucia takes a shaking breath and I can hear her trying to hold back tears. “I..I don’t know. They aren’t…they were people but now?”
“Yeah that’s pretty much all I saw too…oh is there anywhere I need to go or drive by for you?”
She looks away from me quickly. “I uh…no.”
“Where’s your brother?”
She was quiet for a moment. “He left on his business trip a day ago.”
Right. Japan or something.
I reach over and squeeze her hand, feeling us both shaking. “I’m sure he’s fine.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
More silence.
“What about Joel? And Sarah?”
“I uh…I was waiting for them but… I left a note telling them where to meet me.”
“Oh. I’m sure they’re fine.”
We drive for a little bit longer, Lucia messing with the radio to try and find anything that was playing. It was all just static. I take the exit I need and clear my throat.
“I’m pregnant.”
Lucia’s head snaps towards me. “You’re what?”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Great timing, huh?”
“Does Joel know?”
A sob jumps out of my throat, one I didn’t know I had. “No. I..he had a hard day at work and I figured I’d tell him tomorrow…”
“Oh, Cat. It’s ok. He…he’ll find you for sure. I know it. Buuut…until then, you have me! Wait, did you pick me up just because I’m a midwife?” I can hear the smile in her words, but she’s still not 100% certain.
“I picked you up because you needed help. And you didn’t look injured.” She laughs at my admission. 
“I love your honesty, Cat.”
We chat about the pregnancy the entire way, only quieting when we reach the long, hidden drive to my cabin. We do a quick perimeter check, inside and out. Nothing and no one. The closest neighbors we have are literally miles away. We have more chances of seeing a bear than another person. 
Lucia helps me unload the few things I have in the car and heads inside. We take a quick stock of all pantry items and I’m thankful that Sarah and I did so much canning the last time we were here. She had gotten slightly obsessed with the idea and was looking forward to eating it when they were ready. Water wouldn’t be an issue either as we have our own private well, no need for electricity. Which is good because that doesn’t work without the generator and we are not turning that on. It’s too noisy and would attract trouble.
Lucia and I have a low key dinner of beef sticks and some dried vegetables, chatting with each other to try and lighten the dark cloud that has crept over the world. She heads off to one of the bedrooms and I head off to mine, the one I share with Joel. Once I’m finally able to collapse in the bed, I allow myself a moment to cry, worrying about Joel and Sarah and the baby that’s currently growing inside of me. I still have hope they’ll make their way here. I have to or I’ll crumble into bits and float away on the wind.
—----
20 years later…
Lucia and I stayed in the cabin for nearly 10 years. She helped me safely bring my daughter Penelope, or “Poppy”, earthside. We raised her in the cabin, teaching her everything she needed to know about survival and life, despite her young age. This is how life is now. She’s still allowed to have kid time of course, which is why there are murals painted on nearly every corner of the cabin. 
About 10 years in, Lucia, who had never given up on finding someone or a transmission on either the radio or the ham radio, finally found one talking about a settlement in Jackson, Wyoming. It would take us nearly a month to get there, let alone the danger we’d be in. The suv would never make it, having given out years ago, but luckily we had managed to make a small farm for us and that included a few horses and a couple that could pull a wagon or 2. After gathering up all the information we could on Jackson, we determined it must be a real place and put it to a vote with all of us. After the winter snows melted, we left for Jackson, packing up our entire lives, or what we could anyway, and plotting out the safest route possible. It would take us about a month, especially with the detours we were taking, but they were necessary to avoid the areas that would most likely have bandits. Or worse.
The last thing I did before I closed the door was to write a letter to Joel and Sarah, telling them where we were going. Even 10 years later, I had not given up on them.
—----
A month later, we arrived in Jackson, a few more scrapes and bruises to our name, but luckily, we hadn’t run into too much trouble.
Lucia got work right away, considering her background as an official midwife. I was hired to help with the gardening because of my immensely green thumb and knowledge of herbs, and Poppy was allowed to help with the livestock we brought, after school was done for the day. Poppy was beside herself with the idea of going to actual school, even though she knew most of what they were teaching anyway. 
We all settled nicely, Lucia falling in love with a nice man on the other side of town, eventually moving in with him and starting a family of their own. Poppy made a ton of friends, finally allowed the freedom to be a kid for more than a couple of hours. 
As for me? 
I never really dated anyone, my heart given to Joel a long time ago. I know the likelihood of seeing him again is extremely slim, but I still have a tiny sliver of hope that he’s around. And maybe he’s heard about Jackson and will head this way. Which didn’t impact my decision to come here. Nope. Not at all. 
But the biggest surprise that Jackson held for us was Tommy, Joel’s brother. He was married to Maria, the woman who started this community with her father, and lived on the farm where they kept the horses. Poppy and he got along right away, her begging for more stories about her dad and he would pretend to be annoyed but would give in every single time. She continued this ritual as she grew, eventually bringing her boyfriends with her, searching for Tommy’s approval, just like a father.
One beautiful fall day, I’m walking through the market, trading for new produce and supplies when I hear some people gossiping over lemonade at the small eatery in town. I tend to ignore gossip, never having been one for it, until the phrase “Tommy Miller’s brother” reaches my ear. I freeze, listening intently on their words, but I’m only able to make out that he was here in town. 
Joel was here. In Jackson.  Joel. 
I turn, marching towards the small group of people that were doing the gossiping when I heart the alert - bandits were attempting to attack the dam. Growling out in frustration, I turn to run towards that side of town, slinging the rifle from around my back once I assumed my nearly hidden position on the wall. We make quick work of the bandits, especially since we are heavily fortified and secured. That doesn’t stop them from trying, though. 
Once the attack is over, I search the throngs of people for Tommy, just spotting him getting on his horse and heading home. Cursing, I turn, heading towards Tommy’s house on foot, my mind now completely on Joel since the bandit attack was over. Was he still in town? Does he know I’m here? Does he know he has a daughter?
I arrive at the farm and immediately head for the barn, knowing Tommy would still be tending to his horse. Sure enough, he had just finished putting her away, locking the gate behind him.
“Tommy!”
He sighs and doesn’t look at me right away. Which tells me he knows exactly why I’m here.
“Hey, Catie.”
“Is he here?” I’m standing just a couple feet from him, arms crossed and my foot tapping slightly with nerves.
“Who?”
“Fuck you, Tommy. You know who.”
“I-”
“Tell me the truth.”
He meets my gaze for a moment before nodding. “He was.”
He was here. Joel was here, in Jackson, alive and I didn’t- wait. Did he say was?
I swallow hard, willing my tears to just wait until I’m by myself. “Is he ok?”
“Yeah. Well, I mean as much ok as we all are.”
I let out a breath of relief. He was ok. Probably a little worse for wear but he was ok.
“Did…did you tell him I’m here?”
Tommy studies me for several moments, his dark eyes bouncing between mine, as if he’s debating with himself. “I…did.”
He knows I’m here. Joel knows I’m here, alive and well and he just-
Oh. 
Of course. It’s been nearly 20 years and it would be ridiculous to think the man still loved me after all this time. He didn’t even know I was still alive. He’d never even met his daughter. If he no longer cared about me, fine. But why wouldn’t he want to meet his daughter? Unless…
“Did you tell him about Poppy?”
Tommy’s entire stance is apologetic and I know his reply before his lips even part. “No.”
“What the fuck, Tommy?”
He puts his hands up in a calming manner. “It shouldn’t come from me.”
“Fuck you, Tommy! He doesn’t even know he has another daughter. He deserves to know-”
“You’re right, he does. But not from me-”
“I can’t fucking believe this. It’s been 20 years, Tommy. 20 years and he didn’t even stop to say hi? Maybe if you’d have told him about Poppy, he’d at least stayed long enough to see her.”
I poke him in the chest as hard as I can. “It’s your fault he left!”
Tommy grabs my wrist and pulls me closer, his voice lowering to just above a whisper. “He had other things to take care of.”
“What could be more important than family?”
“All of humanity.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“He had a girl with him. Maybe…14? 15?”
My heart sinks. Did he have another daughter after the clickers came? As if he could read my mind, Tommy shakes his head.
“Not his. Her name is Ellie and she’s….special.”
“That’s disgusting, Tommy.”
He gives me a look. “She was bit.”
“Bit? And you let her into Jackson?”
“And she hadn’t turned.”
I could feel my eyes grow wide. Bit? Without turning? That’s impossible.
“How do you -”
“Saw the bite myself. I’ve seen enough of ‘em to know what they look like. It’s legit.”
“Fuck,” I whisper. This is huge. Definitely bigger than me.
“Yeah… anyway, he was takin’ Ellie to the Fireflies because they can supposedly make a cure out of her blood. Or that’s the hope anyway.”
“A cure?”
“Yup. This whole mess could be put behind us.”
This…this is life changing. World changing. My 20 year long devotion to a man I was deeply in love with paled in comparison to a cure for the clickers. Tommy told me Joel still had a long way to go, but if anyone could make it, he could. 
“ ‘m sorry, Cat. I wish he could’ve stayed to say hi.”
“Did…did he say anything about me?” I hate how needy I sound.
“Honestly, we didn’t really talk about you other than me mentioning you were here. The focus was Ellie.”
I nod. The focus was on the right thing.
“Do you think he’ll come back?”
He rubs the back of his neck. “I doubt it. It’s a long trek and pretty dangerous. He’d be smart to just stay put, especially to take care of Ellie.”
I left the barn and headed straight home. Poppy was out with her boyfriend so I had the whole place to myself. Which gave me plenty of alone time to cry and, for the first time in 20 years, try to move on from the dream I had about starting a little family with a man I never stopped loving.
—----
Spring in Jackson is always beautiful. The colors come alive, blooming from every surface they can for miles in greeting the season change. It’s also the perfect time to start planting certain crops so they’ll be ready when it comes harvest season. 
I’ve finished planting in the community garden, dirt crusted under my fingernails despite my scrubbing at the garden sink. I’ll be able to use a brush at home, but for now, I smile at the grime on my clothes. It means Jackson will have food and enough to last through winter. 
Taking off my apron, I toss it into the laundry basket to be cleaned and head towards the home I share with Poppy. She doesn’t spend as much time there these days, but I can hardly blame her. She is 20 and in a pretty serious relationship. I would not be surprised if the boy popped the question any day now. 
I turn onto Main Street and Mrs. NoseyPants stops me. I know it’s not her real name but it fits her better.
“Catie! How are the crops going? Jackson going to survive?”
“Mmhhmm. We should be great.” I try to step around her, but she blocks my path.
“How’s that daughter of yours? Still getting on with the Miller boy?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I hope he makes an honest woman of her before something happens.”
“Something happens?”
She looks around, as if she expects anyone to actually give a fuck about what we’re saying. “Yes. Like an out of wedlock child.”
I plaster on a fake smile. “Oh yeah. That would be terrible, wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t like your tone, Catie.”
I open my mouth to offer some sarcastic retort about not really giving a rat’s ass what she thought of my tone, but my gaze moves over her shoulder and the crowd parts just enough for me to see him.
Joel. 
Unmistakably him, despite what the last 20 years has put on his shoulders. His back is to me, but his head is turned to the side, looking at all of the houses and buildings that line Main Street. Fuck he’s still handsome.
“Are you listening to me, Catie?”
I blink but don’t take my eyes off Joel, afraid he’d disappear if I did. “Full offense Mrs. Bennett, but I don’t have time to listen to your outdated and hateful words. Have a nice day.”
I know her jaw has dropped as I scoot around her, and I know I’ll probably pay for that later, but I couldn’t care less. My eyes are fixed on him as he walks slowly, eyes still moving from house to to house, taking it all in. I’m only several feet away before someone literally walks into him, dropping the giant stack of boxes they had been carrying.
“I am so sorry sir!”
The young man stoops to try and gather up the boxes and Joel turns to face him, bending to help him gather them up and reassemble them in his arms. “Don’t worry about it.”
The boy nods and takes off. Joel’s eyes follow him, making sure he doesn’t drop them again when his gaze meets mine. Those dark eyes move right into recognition and shock, blowing wide as it finally sets in who he’s looking at. 
I hesitate only a moment before I move towards him, nearly running and shoving a few people out of my way. And suddenly, I’m standing in front of him, all 5’11 and broad shouldered, just as he had been 20 years ago. More lines adorn his face, and several scars, his hair is speckled and streaked with greys, but somehow it makes him all the more attractive. My breath catches in my throat and I find myself speechless in front of the man I would’ve given anything to speak to for 20 years.
“Catie?” He chokes out my name, eyes scanning mine as if he was waiting for me to say he was mistaken. That I wasn’t who he thought I was.
A quick sob escapes me as I nod frantically. “It’s me.”
His hand, large and warm just as it always has been, comes up to cup my face, his thumb tracing my cheek, as if touching me was proving to him that I was real. And then he pulls me into his chest, hugging on to me tight, like I would disappear from his grip if he didn’t. I hug him back, crying into his broad chest, unable to believe that I was finally, finally, holding onto him. 
He pushes me back slightly, only to look at my face. “You’re…you’re alive.”
I chuckle through my tears. “And so are you. I thought Tommy told you I was here?”
He nods, his dark eyes still on my face. “I thought he was makin’ shit up to try and keep me here.”
“Well that does sound like Tommy.”
Joel chuckles deeply and it sends a jolt through my body. God how I missed that sound. 
“He told me you lived down this way.”
I cock my head to the side. “Were..were you looking for me?”
Pink blooms across his cheeks as if he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t. “I had to see if he was full of shit.”
“Fair point.”
We stand there, in the middle of the street just staring at each other for several minutes before I blink back to reality.
“Are you hungry? I was heading home to make something to eat and shower. I…if you want to join me?”
His eyes darken briefly and I realize too late what I said. 
“I’d love to. But…”
He’s struggling with words.
“..but… what?”
He clears his throat, looking away from me for the first time. “Wouldn’t your uh…husband or boy friend or whatever be upset?”
Smiling up at him, I shake my head. “I don’t have either of those.”
His shoulder seem to slacken in relief. “Oh. ‘m sorry.”
“I’m not.”
The corners of his mouth tick upwards in a small grin and I feel like my insides are melting through my skin. How can this man still get me going after 20 years?
“Lead the way.”
I gesture down the street in the direction we’d have to go to get to my place. We don’t say much, Joel still taking in Jackson but always having one eye on me. I know we’re about to have a difficult conversation. How will he feel about Poppy? About how our life turned out? Or his? Tommy had told me about Sarah when I first came to Jackson. The hardness behind his eyes shows that he’s still dealing with the grief and I imagine he always will. It’s no easy thing to lose a child. 
We arrive at my house and I unlock the door, heading inside and flipping on a light.
“You have power?” He asks.
“Mmhmm. Tommy was able to hook up a generator of sorts to the power grid. It’s heavily guarded and taken care of so no one has messed with it. He’s been talking about trying to use water or wind energy, but we need someone who knows that.”
I kick off my boots and Joel copies me, setting his down next to mine. 
“Poppy? You home?” I call out, not wanting her to walk in the middle of whatever was about to take place. When I receive no reply after a few calls of her name, I shrug my shoulders in a ‘guess she’s not home’ way.
“Who’s Poppy?”
“You thirsty?” I head towards the kitchen and Joel follows, watching as I take out a pitcher of lemonade. “I also have beer. It’s…not the greatest but it’s something.”
“You make the best lemonade. I’ve been dreaming of it for years.”
I smile, turning to grab 2 glasses and putting some ice in each of them before adding the lemonade. I hand Joel his glass and his fingers briefly brush against mine. They’re rougher than before but not by much, and the jolt this light touch sends through is just as strong as it was 20 years ago.
I head back to the living area and sit on the couch, taking a sip while I motion for him to sit as well. He does, taking his own sip and I catch a nearly imperceivable moan at the back of his throat when he tastes the lemonade. I quickly shove my legs together, hoping he doesn’t notice. I try to cover by setting my glass on the coffee table and he copies me, wiping his hand on his jeans as he settles back, his body slightly shifted towards mine. 
“Is Poppy your uh…girlfriend?”
I laugh this time, not at the idea of me having a girlfriend but at the look on his face while saying it. “No. No she’s-” time to tell him what you should have all those years ago “- my daughter.”
Joel nods, his eyes looking down at his hands and his shoulder slump slightly as if sad. “You- you said you didn’t have anyone.”
“I don’t.”
A knowing look passes over his eyes. “Oh. ‘m sorry for your loss.”
My eyebrows furrow in confusion. “My loss? No, Joel. Poppy is 20.”
“20…what?”
“20 years old.”
It’s his turn to look confused, as if math was passing over his vision. “She’s…20?”
“Yes.”
“So…that…that would mean when…you…” He shifts nervously in his spot on the couch, another swipe of his palms across his jean clad legs.
“Is…is she…”
“Do you remember that night? You had called me, telling me about that pain in the ass contractor you had to work with?”
Joel nods, his eyes glazed over in memory. “Yeah. I called to check on you because you couldn’t stop throwing…up…” His eyes snap to mine, and to my surprise, they were full of hope.
“I told myself it wasn’t the right time to tell you. But how the fuck would I have known that the world would end?” I chuckle nervously, fumbling as I reach got my glass to try and cover my nerves.
He lets out a puff of air. “So I have a daughter?”
My face feels warm under his intense gaze. “Yes.”
He lets out a half sob half laugh of joy, tears welling in his eyes before he tries to wipe them away with the back of his hand. “All these years I had a kid and I didn’t know. I didn’t know, Catie. I-” Another half sob half laugh escapes him and he takes a moment to compose himself, his body not used to such displays of emotion. Not anymore.
“Why didn’t you just tell me that night?”
Why didn’t I? “You sounded so stressed and worried and I didn’t want to add onto that. I was going to tell you the next time I saw you but…” but indeed. 
“How long had you known?”
“That day. I had suspected for a couple of days but I had to wait until I was sure I had missed my period to test and I didn’t want to tell you and be wrong.”
“You should’ve told me, sweetheart. We could’ve done the test together.”
I chuckle darkly. “Yeah I probably should’ve done that.”
“Tommy never told me.”
“What?”
“When I was here before. He told me you were here but not that I…that I have…why the fuck wouldn’t he tell me?” Joel pushes himself up from the couch in anger, pacing back and forth across the hardwood floor. “He should’ve told me!”
“Joel, he did what he thought was right.”
He looks at me, anger flashing in his eyes. “He had no right to keep that from me. If I had known, I would’ve-”
“Not brought Ellie to the Fireflies for a chance to save humanity?”
He stops pacing, turning towards me with shock on his face. “He told you about Ellie?”
I nod, sighing. “He did.”
“And he didn’t tell me I had-have a fucking daughter? And that she was here?”
“In all fairness to Tommy, he only told me after I got pissed he didn’t mention her to you.”
Joel scoffs. “What an asshole.”
“I…I thought maybe if you knew, you would’ve…maybe you would’ve at least stayed to meet her.”
Anger leaves his body and he sits next to me on the couch, hesitantly placing his hand on my thigh. “I definitely would’ve. When he told me you were here…I was intent on seeing you. Or seeing if he was pulling shit out of his ass. But he reminded me how important my cause was and since it was time sensitive, I couldn’t.”
“You couldn’t at least have simply said hi?”
“Sweetheart, there is no ‘simply’ between us. If I’d have seen you, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”
Tears fall from my eyes and I wipe at them furiously. “Did it work out at least?”
“Did what work out?”
“Ellie. And the Fireflies.”
Joel grows quiet for several moments. “Turns out they didn’t need her after all. Found others and couldn’t use the blood.”
He’s lying. I know he’s lying but now’s not the time to press him for more information.
“She come here with you?”
Joel nods. “I wasn’t just gonna leave her there.”
“No, no. I think that’s great. There’s a good community here. I’m sure she’ll fit right in.”
“She was already makin’ friends the moment we walked in the gate.”
A long pause passes between us, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s a processing silence, both of us trying to categorize and file the information we both learned from the other. When I look at him, I can tell he’s far off, thinking and brooding on things, which isn’t always a good thing.
“I wish you’d have told me that night.”
Ah.
“It wouldn’t have changed anything.”
“It would’ve changed everything! I would’ve grabbed Sarah and headed straight over to your place, bringing you…I don’t know, ginger ale and crackers? Whatever you wanted. We’d have stayed with you, started our family. Sarah so wanted a sibling. Especially a sister. Shit, she’d be so happy right now if she were….”
His voice tapers off but I know what he was going to say.
If she were alive.
I place my hand on his and squeeze it. “Tommy told me. I know nothing I say can make up for it, but I am so sorry Joel. I miss her terribly. I can’t imagine how it is for you.”
His mouth sets in a line, his jaw clenching, hand squeezing a little tighter on my thigh as if he’s trying to prevent himself from losing it. 
“Maybe if I had known you were pregnant, and we came over, she’d still be alive.”
“Oh, Joel, no. You can’t think like that-”
“I failed her.”
He spoke so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. The guilt in his words, however, was loud enough to hear from space. I bring my other hand to the side of his face, cupping his cheek, his patchy greyish stubble poking at my fingers, and gently turn his face upwards to mine. 
“You are a great man, Joel. And a hell of a father. There is no way that Sarah would ever think that you failed her in any way. She loved you so much and idolized you.”
The tears come this time, unable to hold them back any longer. I pull him to me and hug him, cradling the back of his head as he cries into my shoulder, mourning the loss of his daughter anew as he attempts to put aside the intense load of guilt he’s carried around for the last 2 decades. We stay like this for a while, my own tears mixing with his, as the light from the setting sun streaks through the curtains. 
Eventually, Joel pulls back, wiping at his face with the back of his hand before he finally looks at me, his beautiful eyes puffy from tears. I’m sure mine don’t look any better.
“Sorry about that.”
“Sorry for what? Being human?”
He smiles and the room lights up with it. “You were always so good at that.”
“At what?”
“Letting me feel things. And makin’ me feel like I wasn’t a complete fuck up.”
“That’s because you aren’t.”
He scoffs, smirking at me in disbelief. “I’ve had to do some shady shit to survive, sweetheart.”
“Who hasn’t?”
“You got me there. I’m still a fuck up though. Don’t know how you didn’t see it.”
“Hhmm…” I put my finger to my chin in mock thinking. “It’s probably because I’m in love with you then.”
Joel cocks his head slightly to the side, questioning my statement. I’m not sure why, as my love for him is no secret to me. 
“In love? Not was in love?”
Oh.
“I-”
The front door opens and Poppy walks in. I nearly jump out of my skin, having been completely absorbed in our conversation. Or was it more of a confession?
“Hey Mom! I’m only home to grab some clothes. Then I’m heading to Lyra’s. There’s this new girl in town, Ellie? She’s only 15 but she’s pretty cool. Oh.” Poppy had walked into the living room, her eyes, exactly like her father’s, shifting from me to Joel. I stand and Joel copies me, staying put while I walk around the couch towards Poppy.
“Mom..I didn’t know you had company. You never have company.” She thinks she’s speaking quietly but it’s not quiet enough. 
“Poppy-”
“I mean, I think it’s great, but….but…” Her eyes fully take in Joel, landing on his face as she stares, her eyes slowly widening in realization. She had only seen him in the photos I was able to share with her, a few printed ones and then some on the cell phone I had refused to toss away, carting it across the country along with a charger in hopes of finding power to charge it. 
“Dad?” Poppy whispers in disbelief.
Joel looks nervous, his weight shifting from foot to foot. This man has faced countless clickers, bandits, and worse, but meeting his 20 year old daughter is the thing that does him in?
God I love this man.
His hand comes up and does a little wave as he stares back at her, clearing his throat. “Hi. I’m uh… I’m Joel.”
“Dad!” Poppy drops her bag and runs, launching herself over the couch and straight into his arms, wrapping herself around him as she cries. It takes Joel a moment to recover from the intense reaction, but he wraps his arms around her and holds her, hugging her just as tight. Tears obstruct my vision and I blink quickly, trying to wipe them away so I don’t miss a moment of this meeting. 
Her feet back on the floor, Poppy pulls back, her eyes raking over Joel’s face. “Was I too much?”
Joel laughs, smiling down at his daughter. “Not enough.”
She laughs and he brings his hand to her face, wiping away her tears. “I’m sorry, Poppy.”
“For what?”
“I didn’t…I didn’t know-”
She waves her hand. “Mom told me everything. You never knew I existed and then the world went to shit. It’s ok. You’re here now and that’s what matters! Wait - you are staying right?”
Joel’s eyes shift from Poppy’s to mine and I look back at him waiting for an answer myself. I want him to stay, desperately need him to stay, but I understand if he wants to leave. I never asked if he had someone waiting for him somewhere.
“I don’t wanna step on you or your mom’s toes-”
Poppy blows a raspberry. “Step away! I know mom is thrilled you’re here. And I want to get to know my dad….dad… I can finally say that! ‘Hey, this is my dad!’ ‘Have you met my dad?’ I just…I can’t believe you’re here and not….not here.”
Clever way of saying dead.
“Me too, Poppy.”
“Mom, I know I said I would meet my friends, but-” she glances back at me and then smiles, giving me a knowing wink “-but I..will be going…to meet up with…Benny. Yeah, he’s uh probably waiting. For me. So I’ll just…grab my things and leave you two…alone…”
She is so not slick, but I love her so much. 
She gives me another wink before fully turning to Joel. “We can hangout and talk more?”
“I look forward to it.”
She squeals and gives him one more hug before bounding across the hall to her room and reemerging only a handful of minutes later with a backpack. 
“Poppy?”
“Mom?”
“Stay for dinner at least. Then you can meet up with your friends.”
“Ugh, mom. You’re smothering me.” She has a smile while she says it, casually tossing her bag down before sitting next to Joel. 
I make dinner while they talk, Poppy telling him about her life and asking him a zillion questions about his. He seems to be able to talk about Sarah now, at least a little before Poppy tactfully changes the topic. They talk throughout dinner, laughing and joking, sounds I never thought I’d hear together. Eventually, Poppy leaves to hang out with her friends, excited to tell them about her dad. As soon as the door closes, Joel turns to me.
“Who’s Benny?”
Protective dad mode activated I see. Smiling, I tell him about Benny and how he’s a good guy and about he and Poppy. He seems more relaxed after but still in protective dad mode.
“I’ll have to meet him.”
“I’m sure you won’t have the choice not to.”
Dishes cleaned up, I offer Joel a glass of whiskey and he takes it, tasting a sip before setting it down on the coffee table as he relaxes back into the couch again.
“You and Ellie have a place to stay?”
“Yeah. Tommy and Maria gave us a house. Actually, it’s not too far from here I don’t think.”
“That’s great. I’m sure Ellie will be happy to have a more permanent place to live.”
“And her own room that she can slam the door to.”
We chat for a few minutes about parenting teenage daughters and the challenges it can bring. He takes another sip of his whiskey after telling me a bit about Ellie, or what he learned about her on their long trek anyway. It’s quiet between us again, but this time, I’m warmed by the whiskey and given a slight bit of confidence.
“In love.”
“What?” Joel asks, setting his glass down.
“From before. In love. Not was.”
He turns to me fully, his eyes raking across my face trying to detect a lie and finding none. 
“It’s been 20 years, sweetheart. I don’t expect anythin’-”
“It’s always been you, Joel.”
His large hand cups the back of my head and pulls me to him, his lips crashing against mine and it’s like no time has passed, my lips immediately parting for him like they were created for just this purpose. His other hand comes up to cradle the other side of my head as my fingers cling to his shirt, trying to find purchase on literally anything. I feel like I’m falling but in the most glorious way possible. While I never gave up hope that he was alive, having him here, now, 20 years later, how we both defied odds to just end up in the same community, after the world had been torn apart…
He pulls back, his nose brushing against mine. “I never stopped loving you either, sweetheart.”
My hands slide up his chest and around his neck, gripping the curls at the back of his neck and feeling him groan as he slips his tongue in my mouth again, kissing me harder than before. I feel his fingers gently brush against the exposed skin at my hips, his hands having settled there and I can’t help the moan that escapes me. Joel’s touch has always sent electricity through me, but not having had it for 20 years is a whole new level. 
“I don’t mean to be presumptuous, sweetheart, but-”
“My bedroom is down the hall, second door on the right.”
He smiles against my lips, chuckling darkly. “We have a lot of lost time to make up for.”
—----
>>I Never Stopped Living You Part 2>>
❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)
Original Idea from @theewokingdead:
"I have had this idea for a long-lost love refound fic with Joel Miller swimming around in my head for a while, but I don't think I'll ever get in the headspace to write it. So enjoy what I wish I could write and hope someone will steal. Warning: mention of pregnancy in the beginning.
Imagine it's September 26, 2013. You've been dating Joel for a while and, oops, you're pregnant. You're a flurry of emotions and have no idea how or when you're going to tell him. He calls you late that night, on his way home from a hellish day at the jobsite, telling you about the prick of a contractor he's been dealing with and can't risk losing his job. When he asks if you've checked in on Sarah you tell him that she's fine and you're sorry you were feeling too ill to stay with her today. When he inquires further about your illness, you opt not to say anything, not like this, not when he's had a shit day, and instead feign that everything is okay and you'll be fine. The call is interrupted by Tommy, and you insist Joel answer his call. He offers to call you back, but you tell him to go home and get some rest, that you'll hopefully see him tomorrow.
Of course, several hours later, all hell breaks loose. You manage to get a call through to Joel, telling you to stay put, that he'll come for you, then you lose connection. Joel never finds you, but you never lose hope.
Two decades later, you're living in Jackson, having crossed paths with Tommy a year earlier when he returned to Texas, where you never strayed far from. You overhear the talk - that Tommy Miller's brother is in town - but bandits attack before you can find the source of the rumor. Later, you find Tommy as he puts a horse away in the stable, and you question if it's true, that Joel is here, and he reluctantly tells you he was. You ask if he told Joel that you're here and he says that he did. Your heart sinks - of course he wouldn't still love you after all these years, but why wouldn't he at least want to see you before he left? You ask if he told Joel about your daughter - his daughter - and Tommy says no, that it shouldn't come from his mouth. You're furious, thinking maybe Joel would've stayed in town if he had known that he has a daughter. You let Tommy have it, and eventually he tells you why Joel was in town and why he left, about Ellie and the hope to find a cure. Finally, you come to your senses, realizing there are far more important matters, and try to move on from dreaming about having a little family with a man you never stopped loving.
Months later, you're walking around town when you run into Joel. There are a million different ways the reunion could go. How would you tell him about your shared daughter? How would he feel? Would he be pissed at Tommy for knowing and not telling him when he first came to Jackson? Would he be angry you didn't tell him that night when he called, before the Outbreak? Would he have done anything differently that night had he known - things that could've changed the trajectory of his entire life? Would he wonder if it would have kept you guys together as a family? Would he wonder if it would have even kept Sarah from suffering the fate she suffered? Would he blame you for it? I just imagine it would be one big emotional reunion. How would it end? I don't know. I just love a good re-found love fic - be it happy or sad. I love angst. I love an emotional Joel. It could be fun. But I'll never get around to writing it so let's just pretend I did 😭"
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itgetsbetterproject · 3 months
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🏳️‍🌈 We asked an LGBTQ+ middle school teacher her tips for surviving the holidays for queer youth: 🏳️‍⚧️
Read and share it on our blog here.
"The most wonderful time of the year – the holidays. On the surface, holidays are strung with garlands, adorned with glittering decorations, and scored with the most jovial music. Cheesy movies show us whirlwind romances under the mistletoe, reconciled families, and communities coming together. 
But, unfortunately, it’s not always that picture-perfect. For many people, the holidays can be anxiety-inducing family affairs with little escape, or a reminder of the time no longer spent with family. Especially for those of us in the LGBTQ+ community who have experienced rejection at home, this season can be the least wonderful time of the year. 
So, how do we cope? I wish writing this that I could even fully answer that for myself. Today one of my students asked me how my parents responded when I came out. As always, I was honest with him – it has irreparably damaged those relationships.
A coworker overheard and motioned that she has been in the same situation; later when talking to me she remarked that our families are only missing out on us and how incredible we are. 
I must remind myself often that people who do not see my value, in all of who I am, are not worthy of my time. However, it is easier to say than to feel, when wounds are barely healed and the holidays bear so many memories. I can’t pretend I have the perfect solution, but here are the things I’ve learned to help myself. 
1. Be with chosen family.
Family is so often the people who are not related to us. The love and care I have been shown by people who have no biological obligation to me is astounding, especially when those who should be obligated to me can’t offer the same. Friends, who are beyond friends, with whom I spend my holidays are the ones who truly support and accept me as I am. You deserve to feel comfortable and safe as you are, and to be with the people who make you feel that way.
If you cannot physically be with your chosen family, utilize technology. A phone call or FaceTime is a great way to be present with the people you love even from a distance. Additionally, playing a video game together or using something like Netflix Party to sync up and watch a movie together can keep you connected to your chosen family. 
2. Make a plan, even if it’s solo. 
An aimless wandering mind is more likely to dwell on the pain and hurt you may be experiencing at the holidays. Having a plan of what you will be doing on days when you might previously have been with your family can help to distract so the day is still enjoyable. It could be as simple as what you are going to do at home, like cook a nice meal for yourself and watch a movie or have a self-care day. It could be indulging in one of your hobbies or visiting somewhere in your community you’ve always wanted to go.
You can be with others or with yourself, whichever you need, but having structure for yourself can aid in making it through this time of year. If you must be with family, you can still make a plan for what your day will look like. Maybe in the morning you help prep food or spend time outside cleaning the yard or decorating. Maybe there is a task you can take over on your own, still being helpful to your family but giving yourself space at the same time. Even if the day is structured for you, deciding how you will fit within it and make space for yourself is still important. 
3. Don’t be anywhere or do anything you don’t want to. 
While this might sound like obvious advice, I spent so many years being in places and doing things I had no interest in for the sake of others. You can make the choices that are right for you, even if that means distancing yourself from family or familial events. Especially if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, forming new traditions on your own and separating yourself could be healing.
Unfortunately, if you are under 18 and under your parent’s care, you might have to be in places you don’t want to. Try to bring something with you that could still be a mental escape, like a book, a game, or a sketchbook. If you have safe people in your family, try to stick by them and find the spots where you can feel more at ease. 
4. Be kind to yourself. 
Allow yourself to feel what you need. Maybe you don’t fully understand the anxiety the season is bringing up and are caught off guard by emotion. Or perhaps you feel irreverent about the holidays treat them with apathy. Or even a mix of both.
Whatever you are feeling, let yourself experience and process it. Try not to let the season be dictated by pain but find ways to make it joyful and new. Only you can determine what that will look like. Be gentle with yourself as you figure it out. 
All in all, I believe we as queer people can carve new paths for ourselves in service of those happy holiday endings. Those endings might look different than Hallmark, and might look different for each one of us, but they are ours for the taking."
Sarah Dean is an 8th grade English teacher based in Nashville, TN with a passion for uplifting LGBTQ+ students. From her childhood in California to her new adventures in Tennessee, Dean has always loved to write, seeing words and art as a beautiful way to develop empathy and compassion for others. Deen’s school is the recipient of grant money from our 50 States. 50 Grants. 5000 Voices. initiative in both 2022 and 2023.
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stitchlingbelle · 3 months
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Watching Halo, Episode 3
Welcome to Planet Recycle Hell, which I feel morally obligated to point out is not too darn different from a lot of the factory/ fast fashion/ greenwashing/ recycle grift economy we have now. Call your senators and make a difference, people! Ahem. Makee’s tragic backstory is revealed! I can see how she decided all humans suck, but quite honestly, how she thinks the Covenant is any better is beyond me. ESH, sweetie. Of course, I’ve seen the ship tag, I know things are going to get Complicated for her as soon as she leaves the bubble, so we’ll see…
More plotting by General Parangosky, trying and I’m sure failing to contain Halsey, as usual. I can’t really blame her for trying, but I extremely question her motives. Here’s hoping Miranda can do some good, I really like her (and would ADORE her getting to show up her mom.) (Meanwhile, am I the only one who thinks these uniforms have Royal Manticoran Navy vibes? They also remind me of the Army of Light from Babylon 5, but while the black color scheme there was meant to subvert expectations, I don’t think these are. Or that the UNSC are good guys to begin with.)
Halsey wakes the person in the pod and oh my God, there’s TWO of them now? I say, as I fall deeply, endlessly in love with Halsey’s clone. God, it’s nice to see someone call Halsey on her bs and clearly hold her own in their battle of wits (if not outright win, the way Halsey backs away from some of her questions.) I hope she sticks around, but the dialogue implies she knows she’s here to die.
Aaand here it comes. God, Halsey’s grooming of John is just endlessly creepy. Someone on the writing staff around here understands what grooming and abuse actually look like. And her goon (Adun?) shows a bit of personality at last by… almost kissing a woman he’s about to kill while she’s immobilized. Fuck this guy. I do think it’s fascinating that the clone doesn’t resist—even as the one on the chopping block, she seems dedicated to her/ Halsey’s goals, enough to die for them. That’s frankly terrifying. And die she does, in a scene that is in turns poignant (“Will it hurt?”), sickening (through her EYE?), and ridiculous (a convenient acid bath, seriously?).
And at last we meet Cortana! Immediately it’s clear she isn’t JUST a mind-clone of Halsey, which is interesting. You’d think Halsey would want Cortana to have her own personality (and possibly memories) to better control her; quite frankly without them I’m not sure what the clone had to die for, other than Hollywood handwavy Evil. If you have computers this advanced a scan would probably suffice, it's not like you put her brain in a jar. But movie logic is movie logic. On the upside, Cortana has a lot more room to grow on her own being based on Siri or whatever. And she’s going to need to grow, she doesn’t yet understand why anyone would have a problem with her and her bullheaded approach is going to be an issue as she tries to bond with the Master Chief. (In the meantime, their sniping is entertaining for us, the audience.)
Makee is kicking off her mission, pretending to be an escapee in nice clothes and flawless makeup with not a mark on her. I am deeply unconvinced. So are the UNSC crewers, which doesn’t save any of them, in a scene that is pure gross horror. (Obligatory Honor Harrington joke: “She shot stabbed him… with her finger.”) Can’t say I think much of her planning here; these people don’t know you call the Master Chief “the Demon” or that some random artifact is “The Keystone”. Ask clearer questions! You probably wouldn’t get any farther, but at least it would make sense. Also, keeping someone alive to unlock the secure tech for you would also be smart. (I should probably stop trying to make villains smarter…)
John’s trying to figure out the artifact-slash-himself, gathering more clues, etc. It doesn’t respond to Cortana, only him, which is interesting. After it’s back to the barracks, where apparently no one prepped the team for Cortana? Like, seriously? You didn’t brief them, sell her as an intelligence and operations upgrade? Getting the rest of the team excited about the possibilities might have helped with John’s acceptance. Instead, Cortana just pops up and John shuts her down. I almost feel bad for her in this scene, she honestly has no idea why she’s not being welcomed with open arms. (At the end of the scene I just wrote “Kai for President”. No idea why, just on general principle, I suppose.) Unaddressed: Is Cortana unique to John, or will they all have a copy? Or is there going to be a unique AI for each of them? If they’re worried about one Spartan going rogue, they have to worry about them all…
Kwan and Soren et al are back pretty briefly in this episode, just to establish that Kwan’s found her purpose in life: bringing down this Vinsher guy and finishing what her dad started. Not sure Chief would be thrilled (the UNSC definitely won’t) and I’m still convinced she and Soren are going to die. I’m no longer suspicious of Laera, and dang, her actress’s delivery of “The universe will be diminished without you in it” was FANTASTIC. Compliment, mourning, condemnation, and a little bit of a threat all in one. (Also, ‘deuterium money’. I love Scifi.)
Ah, this must be where all the “Master Cheeks” jokes are from. I, too, get naked when I plan to stab myself in the ass. (I kid, it’s actually more practical than getting blood all over your clothes. Less hydrogen peroxide needed!) KAI! Watches from the shadows. Is she gonna report him? How are the other Spartans going to react when she tells them? Again, I said her being smart could go either way…
John wanders through the city having Feelings and a Barbie movie moment of human connection, complete with space music! I live for this stuff. Gimme all the futuristic worldbuilding you want, I’ll eat it up. I love the electronic instruments, the little concert space, all very cool. (Sidenote: one of the transit stops is called ‘Manassas’? Yikes.) Is this the first time John’s been out here? Is he not supposed to be out or did they just suppress the desire to leave? What do the Spartans do with their free time? More visions, and I feel the UNSC is going to eventually regret giving this man a top-level hacker at his beck and call. Cortana slipping into chirpy promo voice as she recites the Reach for Life info was funny.
Reach for Life project, Reach the planet, Reach City. I’m gonna go ahead and guess “reach” is a bit of an Arc Word/ Concept. Reaching for the stars? Or something else?
Off they go to Eridanus, with Halsey and her creepy goon in tow, while Miranda is left behind with a window of opportunity. I have a bad feeling about this.
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utilitycaster · 1 year
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What bothers me on principle about Syldor: the man is an ambassador. His ENTIRE JOB is to be a good representative of his people and foster mutually beneficial relationships. If it takes twenty years and his estranged children showing him up by saving the world for him to decide that maybe his society and he in particular could stand to be less of a classist/racist* prick, it's hard for me to feel especially impressed. (*On that note, it looks like the current guide did some strategic editing about mixed ancestry, but the way half-elves were originally described was that humans saw them as a blessing, but elves saw them as impure and as something lesser. The first edition specifically said "the elves of Syngorn have looked on them with contempt." Whether it's currently part of the lore or not, that...kinda set a certain tone about that whole family relationship. It wasn't a great tone.) As for the others: Howaardt suffers in my recollection because that plot was happening right when my own father died, so it's hazy and I frankly don’t want to backtrack to remind myself of the details beyond "Tary eloquently told him off for his failings and I'm glad he said what he did." I’m with you about Thoreau, though. That man’s the worst.
So just to stave off any further questions...to be honest I don't need to know why anyone on an individual level thinks this about Syldor, and I do get that a lot of people don't recall Tary's arc terribly well for a variety of reasons. Call me cynical but "fandom opinions tend towards the less nuanced, and it's very easy for one person's highly specific projection to spread around as The Correct Interpretation" tends to explain it on a broad scale.
That aside, this feels like it seriously misses the point. Taking only 15 years and two visits from his estranged children for him to apologize - even badly - and begin a slow about face against his entire culture, even when he knows it will never be enough to mend the relationship? Quite a lot of real people would, genuinely, do anything for their parents to do the same.
(I also think that Syngorn's xenophobia does need to be considered in the context of "the ambassador from Syngorn to the primarily human society on the continent was assassinated, kicking off a bitter three-decades long war, less than three centuries ago and very possibly in Syldor's living memory." It doesn't make it justified, but the tone-setting is actually like...fairly good world-building that puts this in context.)
It is also rather irritating that in a fandom that loves a redemption arc, someone who has, again, fucked up badly, but then made an honest to attempt to improve, is so frequently thrown in the same (or worse) bucket as a serial gaslighter rather than treated as "kind of an asshole." Which is, to be clear, what I'm arguing. I don't think he's a good person. He was bigoted and took the twins away out of a misplaced sense that they couldn't be happy in a small town with their human mother. I think the twins are justified in being mad at him still. I would not expect them to ever forgive him fully. My point is that there are shades of gray here that are entirely ignored. (This also happens to cross into a more serious issue I have with fandom frequently diminishing some pretty horrific emotional and psychological abuse such as Thoreau's, but that's also a whole different story.)
With all that said I covered Syldor in the original post primarily because I found it particularly hypocritical that in TLOVM, he was as awful as the fandom makes him out to be, and unhappiness with the story shifted to the twins and Percy acting in ways that were consistent with Syldor being worse and with their mental state re: everything else going on being very different than in canon.
I guess the underlying point is that I'm fairly vocal when I find the story isn't hanging together logically, and both C1 and TLOVM do hang together logically. That, again, doesn't obligate anyone to like it, but I do want to observe that it does, in fact, make a lot of sense if one considers the actual canon of how Syldor behaves in each work, and it specifically makes sense for Vex's arc and the changes made to it.
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mintedwitcher · 5 months
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It's taken a hot minute but I think I can finally articulate why I dislike Martha Jones as a companion (NOT as a person or as a character independent of the Doctor, but STRICTLY as it pertains to her behaviour/actions around the Doctor himself). (Please keep in mind this is all just my opinion and analysis, I'm open to discussion about it but not discourse.)
Obligate disclaimer, this is not character bashing, I think Martha has a lot of potential that the show flat-out ignored or wrote over or just forgot about, I think she could've definitely been a BETTER character, but by no means is she a Bad one, she's just not my personal favourite when it comes to companions. (At some point I'll probably sit down and make an actual ranking of my favourite companions but not yet.)
Martha is smart, like incredibly smart. She's well educated, she's compassionate, she's brave, she's brilliant. But she's also stubborn to a fault, and she has a sort of entitlement we haven't seen from other companions (until Clara). Not a personal entitlement, where she believes she's owed everything just for existing, but specifically regarding the Doctor; she believes she deserves his life story, his secrets, his memories, because he chose her to travel with him.
A scene that comes immediately to mind is just before they were supposed to leave New Earth, and she planted herself and refused to budge until the Doctor divulged details about Gallifrey to her. Now, the interesting thing there, is that this entitlement actually does the Doctor some good. He's never had someone ask about Gallifrey before, and he hasn't needed to talk about it in any detail yet beyond "my planet's gone." No one's pushed him to talk about it yet. Martha doing that was a benefit, because from that point on, we see the Doctor talk more about Gallifrey and his people.
See, none of Martha's inherent traits are necessarily Bad. Martha also loved the Doctor, but that's never been my problem. My problem with it is the way that she pushes those feelings onto the Doctor and then becomes irate, petulant or just plain catty when the Doctor either doesn't reciprocate, ignores her, or mentions Rose.
An argument could potentially be made from Martha's point of view that the Doctor led her on, but I don't really get that, because he never showed interest. And really, a random kiss in a hospital while under siege by alien police from a man she just met is not interest. Especially when he was insistent beforehand that it was nothing, and that afterwards it was a genetic transfer. She was being used as a distraction. She read into it more than there was, and pinned her hopes on it, and that is what ultimately undermines her as a companion in my eyes.
It's one thing, I think, to be pining. But it's the pressure of expectation that makes me grind my teeth. Nearly every episode, there is some kind of Moment where Martha acts as if this will be the time the Doctor makes a move on her, or where she lets herself think there's more to their interactions than there really is. And that's tolerable, for an episode or two, but for an entire season? You really can't expect me to believe someone as smart as Martha really cannot see the writing on the wall here, which is that the Doctor is not looking for a girlfriend, he's looking for a friend. He isn't ready for another relationship, (as undefined as it was with Rose) he just wants company. And yes, he wants the adoration and validation and the awe that comes with taking a human out into the universe, but he certainly doesn't want to date. And he makes that clear in his actions, as much as he can without bluntly stating it, probably for fear that she'd choose to leave, and maybe that's where it falls apart. He won't communicate clearly, and so she won't pay attention to the obvious cues he's giving out. It's a game of cat and mouse to her, while for him it's a tightrope walk.
It's the expectation, though, that because he took her travelling, that means he has to have some sort of feelings for her. And he does care for her, as a friend, as a companion, but he's still mourning Rose and the relationship he had with her. For Martha to expect a new relationship to bloom under those conditions, it was naive. I've never much been a fan of the whole "date hopping" trope, where a character bounces immediately from one relationship to another without pause, so the expectation of it here irritated me.
(I'll have to make another post about the Doctor's side of this whole thing, because it really is a mess of miscommunication and expectations.)
And then, finally, we come to my least favourite Martha moment of her entire season: her goodbye. Not only did she spend an entire season putting the pressure of reciprocity on the Doctor, putting her feelings on him, lashing out when it falls through again and again, but then when she decides to leave him for good, her initial farewell would've been enough. Should've been enough. But no. No, she went back inside, and she decided to just add guilt to the already unstable emotional state of her friend. She tried to guilt him for not reciprocating, by comparing their relationship to a toxic one that her friend had. It was underhanded, and completely unnecessary.
And in the context of that episode, given everything that happened, it was entirely out of place, and it undermined her decision to leave in the first place. I respected the hell out of her for choosing to stay on Earth with her family after the events on the Valiant, and then she turned around and made it about her unrequited feelings for the Doctor, and it just felt Weak.
The show does that annoyingly often, I've found, especially when it comes to the companions. They get a brief moment to shine and be powerful and be brilliant, and then it's undercut very quickly afterwards by either killing them off, sending them away, or doing something pointless. And this scene was no different in that way.
Compare this to the Martha we saw later in the show, after her time as a companion was over, and look at how she shines there. Brilliant and smart and brave, working for UNIT, happily engaged, healed. She was absolutely fantastic. That was a version of Martha I would've LOVED to watch as a companion. We got the dulled down version of that as a companion, only really coming out on rare occasions, but imagine if we'd had that ALL the time.
Martha after the Doctor is without a doubt one of my favourite characters. Martha with the Doctor makes me want to tear my hair out.
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prometheanglory · 1 year
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and 👖🌌🌱🔥📎🙈💘☀️🪤👑 for vinh, my angel 🥺😳 I THOUGHT ID SEND THIS IN TWO PARTS BC ITD BE EASIER FOR U KQHSJSJSJSKSK
I LIVE LAUGH LOVE FOR THE BEEFY ASKS FOR ETERNITY AND ALWAYS and ty for ur service of offering a 2 parter grins so evilly (and i apologize for the length bc im wordy and vinh requires words… it makes for an unwise combination for word count) this actually took me months on-and-off to write since…. july 1st oh my god
👖 JEANS - what is their go-to outfit?
IT DEPENDS ON WHERE SHE IS? if she’s back at home: prefers to dress conservatively, tho she does adorn herself with a lot more flashy jewelry. her color palette is more broad, but she sticks to cream-colored dresses if she has to go out in public (her chitons are quite varied. they swing between unremarkable or notably contemporary) (reason being: her mother manages a chunk of her wardrobe). she prefers to wear her himation/veil higher up (or have it cover her completely) namely for modesty’s sake — but she feels obligated to lower it when in the company of her higher-ranking relatives, since they are a prouder crowd who prefer a more prideful look to her. while she may not put heightened emphasis on trends, looking presentable and appropriate is critical to her.
off the mountain, vinh still upholds a lot of her classiness + modesty but now prioritizes looking more put-together and formal… from a modern lens! fond of darker colors, and seldom wears anything that doesnt cover her neck or her arms in public. her go-to outfits tend to avoid pants. pants feel weird to her. they reveal + hug everything way too much. and while she’s coming around to being comfortable with showing some legs, she’s still a far cry from going anywhere without tights or pantyhose. jewelry from vinh here is much more sparse + simple, like a string of pearls or a thin golden necklace. she doesn’t like to look ostentatious without clear reason. a long skirt with a long sleeved shirt will do the job fine.
🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?
THE PROMETHEAN TORCH. THE FORGE OF HEPHAESTUS. FIRE. HEARTH FIRE. DUTY AND OBLIGATION… originally i was just looking 4 a convenient excuse for why her hair is on fire but then it kinda just spiraled from there. so she went from loose self insert to full-fledged oc.
i think the first thing i decided about vinh was her number-two status? ik i always bring up her weird case of generosity/duty/etc but when i first drafted her up, she was always kinda meant to be tailing idia… or well, just always bringing up the rear for someone else (originally, this aspect of her personality was much pronounced within her dynamic w leona) despite her qualifications(*) to take charge — she has never had any genuine interest in moving beyond her position, and embraces it as a supporting role. promethean fire is a tool to greatness babie!!!
**qualifications can be defined as numerous things. some may look to her status and prestige; others may look to her academic and physical performance. it is also possible to look towards her focused and cool personality.
🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?
she didn’t rly have much of a childhood :,) such is the fate of being the eldest daughter, but that doesn't mean she didn't have any adolescent experiences! i'd say one of her most vivid memories as a child were around her days as her grandfather's protégé. instead of eating mud and frolicking with her parents, she'd spend her days tailing him and studying to develop her magical skills. her grandpa wanted to understand where exactly her limits were with her magical prowess though, so what started as a simple lesson turned into an impromptu magic brawl.
the intent was to just go until vinh called it off, but vinh's always been a high-achieving people-pleaser. implying that 'she couldn't take it' didn't rly end up happening. the only thing that ended up stopping her grandpa from whacking around a pseudo-preteen with lightning bolts for 30 more minutes, was the fact that vinh's mom showed up and forced them both to stop (via her unique magic) bc that's the only way she could've done it without aggravating the issue further.
this incident was what gave vinh her closest brush to what over-extended use of her unique magic could entail, because of her rapid mana depletion also ended up depleting her temperature immunity. meaning that vinh was actually burning herself pretty severely without the safety barrier of her excess mana.
as all concerned mothers would, mamaphrodite was pretty pissed that her own grandfather would be so inappropriate with a girl who is many centuries his junior and barely has her leg out the door in experience. the only reason why vinh would continue her education under him + the head temple (until her eventual promotion to the head temple's hiereiai) would be due to vinh's own request (read: begging and insistence) to overlook this and let her stay.
📎 PAPERCLIP - a random fact.
she has a very very very poor alcohol tolerance — one shot does more than just get her tipsy. most people wouldn’t be able to tell she’s drunk tho. she’s the type of drunk who doesn’t really get aggressive or excited. she’s just very… compliant. almost-entirely silent. her inhibitions flew out the window and it left nothing behind but low ambitions. its hard to spot because shes not exactly super chatty and rebellious. being stone-faced and doing people weird favors isn’t even out of character for her… but the extent to which she’ll agree is the key to figuring it out.
want her to follow you? sit in this spot and not move a muscle? blow something up? clean your bathroom? get in the kitchen and make you sandwich? brush your teeth (why would you ask her to do that)? she’ll do everything to a T as asked. until she sobers up, at least (which… may take a while. depending on how much she drank.)
anyway, it goes without saying that vinh does not like being drunk. it is a lesson well-learned in her family that neither she nor her dad are meant to drink, but it’s only vinh who listens to that lesson and abstains from drinking.
🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don’t want to show other people?
she doesn’t like to show strong emotions to anothers. it’s not that she goes out of her way to present herself as cold, it’s coincidence that vinh’s idea of being mild-mannered means being very muted and distant.
strong reactions spurred on by anything (negative or positive) is improper and unnecessary, even outright uncomfortable. this notion extends to ‘intimate’ or ‘vulnerable’ feelings as well. it’s not right for her to be seen prone or viewed as ‘in-need’. vinh prefers that her thoughts, feelings, and biases stay strictly with her unless otherwise prompted (or that these feeling somehow act to the benefit or desire of others).
the point she makes pointedly clear is she prefers to be seen as a pillar and a service, rather than a person.
💘 HEART W/ ARROW - what traits do they look for in a relationship? do they believe in love at first sight?
truth comes first — she does not believe in love at first sight applies to her, and this rhetoric can be similarly applied to how she feels about true love. it probably exists. it definitely exists. but it’s not real enough to be a rule, so it’s not really relevant. love = attraction but attraction ≠ love. she doesn’t want to disappoint anybody with a promise of love when it wasnt love they were seeking. the eyes are often hungrier than the stomach, so to speak.
in a relationship, i think she’s always subconsciously looking for maturity and understanding, or at least some semblance of reassurance of her value...? but more accurately, i think she looks more towards the explicit lack of said-criteria. not all at once and definitely not to an extreme ofc, but it's just easier for her to stomach mediocrity. as starved as she may be for connections, she’s kind of backed herself into a corner of being equally repulsed by it. so. this works out decently(*) for her. she doesn’t mind bearing the brunt of the emotional and manual labor you’d expect from a relationship, even if she never is quite there emotionally.
☀️ SUN - are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?
absolutely a morning person, but she’s Also simultaneously a night owl. she doesn’t really have much of a choice, seeing as her body doesn’t need sleep very often. aside from the usual morning hygiene routine, vinh's first priority in the morning is definitely just a random assortment of tasks ranging from waking up, freshening up, finishing up last-minute assignments… it’s usually busy, but she sees it as tame.
outside of that, her morning duties also include delivering any documents to whoever requested them, waking up/setting out uniforms for other students (largely contained to ignihyde — and only if they asked her, but there’ve been other instances). she also brings breakfast back from the shops or the cafeteria if people ask for it… it’s mainly idia who’s made a habit of this service, bc nobody else uses it as frequently as he does.
🪤 MOUSE TRAP - what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?
i think it’d be best explained as ‘for the betterment of others’ that she’d do something dangerous!
though an endangered loved one could (would) have her up on her feet immediately, to say that the decision to leap into the fray comes ‘easily’ to her is never true. of course, she’ll do it — who else could? to the extent that she can? she extends this service outwards towards the public if she deems the threat large enough to require her attention or has otherwise been brought to her.
you could take this magnetism to danger as a testament to what she’s always seeking (the ability to be of use/be valuable/be capable/etc). the other answer you scrape from this though, is that vinh’s sense for accomplished duty comes from a place of being mutilated in some way.
👑 - what does your oc want to be remembered as? why?
to be entirely honest, she doesn’t want to be remembered. or at least, she doesn’t want her name or face or… really any facet of her to be connected to it? she knows thats a bit impossible, her status and her goals don’t align enough for such a thing. it’s just wishful and moody thinking.
if she has to be remembered, she’d like for it to not gloss over the unsavory aspects of how she ever came to be. people are free to remember her actions or what she did, whether it helped them or harmed them. she doesn’t want to be an untouchable exemplar because she managed to help some people. it is nothing but the right thing to do, the natural thing to do, and it does not need an audience.
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👑 CROWN - what does your oc want to be remembered as? why?
to be entirely honest, she doesn’t want to be remembered. or at least, she doesn’t want her name or face or… really any facet of her to be connected to it? she knows thats a bit impossible, her status and her goals don’t align enough for such a thing. it’s just wishful and moody thinking
if she has to be remembered, she’d like for it to not gloss over the unsavory aspects of how she ever came to be. people are free to remember her actions or what she did, whether it helped them or harmed them. she doesn’t want to be an untouchable exemplar because she managed to help some people. it is nothing but the right thing to do, the natural thing to do, and it does not need an audience.
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hyenahunt · 4 months
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Saga: Rivals - 8
Writer: Akira
Season: Winter
Characters: Seiya, Hokuto, Jin
Proofreading: 310mc (JP) & Peace (ENG)
Translation: kotofucius
Seiya: I’m so sorry, Hocchan. But I know you wouldn’t be able to stomach having “Cause of Death: Dad” in your death certificate. You’d stop at nothing to come back to life, wouldn’t you?
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[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]
Location: Soundproof Lesson Room
Seiya: He’s right. There is no reason for anybody to criticize him, as long as his enjoyment remains well within the confines of law.
Not that I claim to have any experience — but I feel like defending Jin-kun, anyway.
Siding with people will make you much more likable, rather than criticizing them.
Hokuto: Ugya!? Don’t come out of nowhere! You nearly made my heart stop!
Seiya: I’m so sorry, Hocchan. But I know you wouldn’t be able to stomach having “Cause of Death: Dad” in your death certificate. You’d stop at nothing to come back to life, wouldn’t you?
Jin: …Seiya-san. What’s the occasion? You came really early.
Seiya: Oh, I was doing a little exploring, since this place holds so many memories for me. I couldn’t walk around yesterday, on my first day, as I had other jobs scheduled.
Plus, I heard from my mother-in-law that “Hokuto had already gone out earlier this morning”… so I thought I could see him for a chat.
I predicted he would be practicing, being the studious boy he is, and I’ve been proven right.
Yes, yes. Having a light workout in the morning will make the rest of your day pleasant. It’s very advisable.
Hokuto: …Get out; I have nothing to say to you.
Seiya: Ahaha, I don’t believe that’s the correct way to speak to your parents. I don’t mind, but if this was my wife here, she would have cried saying, “Hocchan’s turned delinquent!”
Hokuto: Coming from that woman, I bet they’re just fake tears.
Seiya: I wonder? Turning lies and acts into the “real thing” is what makes a professional actress.
At any rate, as much as I love to ramble on about my lovable wife, it isn’t the focus of our current discussion, so I shall queue it for another time…
May I have a bit of your time now, you two?
Hokuto: I refuse. Get out and never show your face again.
Seiya: See? This is how cruelly he treats me, Jin-kun. Even though I love him so much.
Hokuto: You’re beyond shameless… Then prove your words with actions. “I love you” has no weight coming from you.
Seiya: Yes. My analysis does suggest I also bear the fault of your dislike of me, but I wish you would be more cooperative.
Because we can better save energy that way… or perhaps you hate me because I say such things?
Hokuto: ………
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Seiya: Oh, you’re dripping with sweat, Hocchan… I’ll wipe it off for you. There, there ♪
Hokuto: Don’t touch me.
Seiya: How sad. Why do you resist so much? I used to change your diapers for you, Hocchan. Well, naturally I would have, being your father and all.
Hokuto: That was part of your duty as a parent. Stop bringing it up like I owe you for it.
Seiya: Yes. I have not fulfilled my obligations as your father too well, so I won’t demand any filial piety from you.
But I would be dejected to see you catching a cold after neglecting to wipe your sweat.
So please let me do this much, at least. My wife would keep you all to herself whenever she’s around, so I’ve always been disappointed I couldn’t get many of these moments with you.
Hokuto: Who cares. Also, tell Mother not to drape all over me in public the way you do. It’s embarrassing.
Seiya: Ahh, you still hold such human emotions. My wife and I have lost any feelings of shame over such actions long ago, through training.
Jin: Sorry to interrupt, Seiya-san… but do you need something from us? Or was this just an excuse, and you just wanted to show off your sweet quality time with your son all along?
Hokuto: I’m not having any quality time. He’s abusing me. This is power harassment.
Seiya: You know some quite difficult terms, don’t you? But well, Jin-kun, I can see where you’re coming from.
We'll be late for homeroom if we don’t hurry, and we teachers have morning assembly in the faculty office —
So I’ll be brief. A special DreamFest will be held in Yumenosaki Academy, starting from evening today until tomorrow night.
Ah, we have the approval of the executives, so you won’t be able to cancel it. I’m sorry.
Hokuto: A special DreamFest…?
Seiya: Yes. I studied this DreamFest thing yesterday — it’s a rather interesting toy.
I believe it can be applied to the actual idol industry with a little more polish.
Hokuto: …That’s like you’re saying the idol activities in Yumenosaki aren’t real.
Seiya: Oh no, I am not calling it “fake” or “for play”.
But it’s something like a trial, one that comes extremely close to actual experience. It functions well as a simulation of the idol industry.
No — experience is our working capital, so this must have been a mechanism somebody laid out to amass it.
Even with surgeons, how many people they’ve cut up has more significance than how many medical journals or books they’ve perused—correct?
Jin: Don’t look at me. I’ve given up on ever being a real doctor, so I can’t confirm nor deny it.
Seiya: Sports doctors and veterinarians are also real doctors, you know.
Speaking of which, you weren’t on good terms with your parents either, were you Jin-kun? There was even a period where they basically disowned you.
Jin: …Well, from the perspective of a highbrow doctor, idol work must’ve looked just like play.
Things got a little complicated and strained ‘cause I felt responsible over not being able to succeed my parents too.
We’re getting along nicely now, though.
Seems like they were genuinely worried for me back when I had those scandals. When I showed up at their home after retirement, they hugged me tight, telling me that “they’re always on your side!”, so…
Seiya: Ahaha. Because their delinquent son finally saw the light?
Jin: Nah, I wasn’t young enough to draw such a sardonic conclusion.
I was touched like a regular guy at how great it was to have a family. Cried some too. …Oh boy, it’s kinda embarrassing confessing all this in front of my student.
Anyway, we’ve gotten off track. It always turns out like this when I talk with you, Seiya-san.
Seiya: I’m sorry. Apparently, I’m not very good at holding conversations. One-way communication is acceptable enough as an idol speaking over a camera… I’m not used to conversing.
Returning to the main subject; I apologize for the sudden news, but this is just how things are… Rain-bows will be participating in the special DreamFest with us.
[ ☆ ]
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umbracirrus · 7 months
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WIP Wednesday!
Thank you for the tag, @your-talos-is-problematic!
I'm going to tag @throughtrialbyfire, and anyone who wants to do it, but don't feel obliged!! I'm so awkward with these tagging things because I love being tagged but feel awkward tagging people unless I've been tagged before...
I'm very happy with the writing which I have today, it's part of the next chapter of The Perfect Storm 😊
The feeling of actual swords in Elyse’s hands, as opposed to her usual conjured blades, was... Certainly an experience, one which she couldn’t tell whether it was good or bad. They had a weight to them that she wasn’t used to, and her magic would help her own blades conform to her hands – stock iron blades did not give a similar such luxury.
Thankfully, she had decided to take some time to familiarise herself with these new swords before the time came to help with training the group of new guards. There were some practice dummies which had been set up in a small courtyard just beside Dragonsreach, a place she had only recently learned about as a result of her task for that day, and knew to be the most ideal place to focus on her practice.
The sun was still rising in the sky, the early morning chill was just brisk enough to have her alert and ready as she took a deep breath and poised herself ready to strike. With her jaw tensed and eyes narrowed, she went and swiped at the dummy, her mind acting as though it were not some burlap sack filled with both straw and sand whilst bearing cheap wooden weapons and shields, but instead… a man.
A tall, Nord man… blonde hair, broad shoulders, and deep voice… a leer which had been forever burned into her memory… and malicious intentions towards her.
Iron cut through the air and the crude stitching keeping the dummy together as instinct began to take over intentional, precise movements; frustration and anger fuelling her every motion and every slice. However, in spite of it all, her blades continued to move through the air in a well-orchestrated dance that her arms had performed time and time again.
It was only when the sound of sand spilling as the tip of the blade pierced through the ‘Nord’ through the ‘heart’ that she realised that she had lost track of herself.
She wasn’t fighting Ulfric.
She was fighting against her own mind. Projecting.
Her heart was racing, and a thin sheen of sweat was covering her face as she remained stood as she was, her left arm falling to her side with its blade still in hand, her right remaining held forward with its blade lodged in place. A few loose strands of hair that had barely been able to remain tied up behind had fallen loose at some point, frustratingly sticking to the side of her face. The only noise around her, beyond the faintest of breezes, was that of her heavy breathing.
Eventually, she pulled the sword out of the dummy and exhaled quietly as she lowered her head. She couldn’t allow herself to lose control like that when helping with the guards, she wouldn’t hear the end of it from Commander Caius if she did.
“That looked so cool!” The voice from behind her as she went to make her way over to the dried towel which she had brought out with her to wipe down the sweat on her face made her flinch and almost drop the swords. She took a deep breath, then turned around, and was quite surprised to see Balgruuf’s oldest child stood there, staring at her with an eager sparkle in his eyes. “The way that you swung those blades around, then sliced through that dummy, not to mention that stab at the end - I’ve never seen anything like that before!”
She had to take a few deep, steady breaths in order to steady herself from the abruptness of his interruption. “F... Frothar, how long have you been there? Were you- Were you watching me?”
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paragonrobits · 8 months
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Movie Reviews - Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Robin Hood! Men in Tights! (TIGHT tights!)
Robin Hood, Men In Tights occupies a pretty important spot in movies from a personal point of view. Bearing in mind that I was born in ‘88, and this was released in 1993. My parents loved this movie (and in retrospect a lot of things broadening my horizon weren’t age appropriate but whatever!) and watched it a lot, so I think it probably influenced me in a lot of ways; I certainly love this movie’s campy tone, its musical bits, and the combination of non sequiturs and physical humor. So what happens when you pair a film like that with genuine critical insight? That was something on my mind when this was brought up for the film challenge.
On a side note, this is one of the few movies I actually own a physical copy; my mom got this one a long time ago, and it was one of the DVDs I’ve kept with me ever since. It’s been a long while since I watched a physical DVD, I can tell you that.
But in any event this movie is interesting in light that it's been a pretty consistent presence in my life. Between having been released at a good time for me to have been aware of it throughout the entirety of the conscious memory portion of my life as well as it been played pretty frequently from VHS tapes being ubiquitous in the same way that DVDs and now streaming services would later become as various expressions of how familiarity is delivered, Robin Hood: Men In Tights was ironically enough THE Robin Hood movie for me. The Kevin Costner Robin Hood movie arguably shares that spotlight in some ways (mostly because my mom really, REALLY liked it), and in retrospect I didn’t really have them connected beyond sharing source material. I might compare it to, say, people comparing the G1 Transformers movie and the 1st Michael Bay Transformers movie; my first response might be to say ‘yeah, okay?’ when comparisons are made. They’re both movies made from the same broad material, and while there is analysis to be made about it, I probably wouldn’t make direct comparisons just based on that.
Possibly the most significant thing to consider about this movie is that it is a LOT more specifically poking fun at the Kevin Costner movie in particular than any other Robin Hood source, trope or general plot threads. It’s a parody of Robin Hood, sure, and its not solely fixated on Prince Of Thieves; its just designed on a plot, character and joke level to fixate at parodying Prince of Thieves that while I don’t EXACTLY want to say it hurts the movie’s appeal in the same way that Spaceballs feels a bit of a shallow parody due to Brooks’ apparent disinterest in Star Wars overall. But all the same, it’s hard not to think about.
In the interest of critical analysis of a movie I’ve liked for well over 20 years of conscious awareness, that both my and my immediate family have put some efforts into making sure has consistently been available in our various media access for most of that time, that regularly a feature in movie nights (or at least specific scenes of it; less of the obvious sex jokes in the serenading bit, more of Rabbi Tuck and pretty much any scene where Achoo plays a notable role), I feel obliged to say that I DON’T dislike this movie. Quite the contrary! I still like it, flaws and all. Indeed, it’s not that understanding the flaws or bits I realize I don’t care so much for detract from the overall appreciation. If anything, it certainly makes the comic bits stand out MUCH further.
For some people, I feel that critical analysis feels uncomfortably like drifting away from something you used to like. For me, it’s both a fun thing to do as well as it is a toolset. Analyzing and poking at a movie’s workings, or indeed a TV series, is like disassembling something. 
You’re not damaging it, or your appreciation for it, you’re interrogating it on some level.
(There is a LOT of Princess Bride style bits about. I think on some level it might be that they’re approaching the subject matter with a similar sense of wry humor and SLIGHTLY over-the-top action outside of the physical comedy moments that, on reflection, seems specifically of the swashbuckling sub-genre of adventure stories that I mostly know from as a young kid knowing that my favorite X-Man Nightcrawler was into Errol Flynn and got a mental eye for when things were suitably Flynn-ish, and both these movies run on that general theme.)
The scenes that rely on physical comedy and exaggeration are probably my favorite overall, especially those that aren’t specifically riffing on Prince of Thieves. It’s not that I DISLIKE those bits, certainly, but the specific focus on that movie feels more than a little distracting at times. I can easily pinpoint bits, plot beats, characters and scenes that are whole-hog making a giggle at PoT, and it feels like some missed opportunities to do its own thing more often than not.
In the past I’ve compared Taika Waitit and Mel Brooks, with the point of the former perhaps being the current generation’s filmmakers equivalent to Brooks. They have very similar comedic timing and taste in comedy, there is a certain irreverence to their attitudes, but also when they do bits that I personally don’t care for, it sticks out much more for both of them. Much has been criticized of Love And Thunder (a movie that, as of this writing, I have yet to see and weigh in on it), but based on the tone of the less hyperbolic criticisms of Waitit’s less well received work, I speculate that their misses also show a lot in common. I wouldn’t say this movie is a miss, but it doesn’t ring quite as hard as I expected it to do from a critical lens, nor as firmly and consistently as Young Frankenstein, a movie that is rapidly rising VERY FAST in my personal esteem.
Now, I suspect this particular understanding has been around rattling in my brain for a while because while more direct and, to a certain degree, detached film analysis is a BIT new for me, personally, I HAVE always been interested in poking at the implications in movies ever since I watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990 (a movie released about two years after I was born and, according to reliable sources, AKA my mother keeping a fairly good track of my special interests across the years, might well have been SUCH a special interest that they had to replace it a few times because I watched the tapes over and over so much they kept wearing out) and noted that just as Raphael and Leonardo have a plot thread, Donatello and Michaelanglo have a role as a duo though more in the background.
Ultimately, I still like this movie; it’s a lot of fun and the slapstick moments are top notch; it’s just a shame that so much of it is specifically focused on parodying Prince of Thieves specifically, and not the larger body of Robin Hood works in particular. I think that if Brooks had not done so, it might have done better. That said, Prince of Thieves DOES have a few interesting elements to it that do lend itself to adaptation, but the specific-ness of it loses a bit of something.
One contentious point is Dave Chapelle, as Ahchoo. For the most part I like his performance a lot, barring the more body humor and ‘dude that’s kinda gross’ humor that is probably recognizable as Chapelle’s stock in trade. Its difficult not to discuss him without considering the controversy and anti-transgender attitudes that follows him, but I suppose a good thing about this movie is that if it was a theme then, he doesn’t really show it here. Not that he has opportunity TO do so, but good enough, I guess. This was apparently his first movie role as well; as such he seems to be a BIT more restrained than in the roles I tend to see him in.
I suppose in some ways I feel the urge to go a bit easy on him because while Ahchoo’s jokes are a bit hit and miss but generally hit WAY more when he acts as the only sane man to Robin Hood being comically serious (that is, Robin is in on the joke and fully engaged in the equivalent of Who’s On First, while Ahchoo would be the guy going off screen to give everyone flash cards so they can do it more sensibly and avoid misunderstandings). The anchronism stew that works well in this movie’s comedic attitudes are particularly present with them, and represented well in the set up song of Ahchoo and back-up singers constantly and smoothing transitioning from modern rap performances to dances right out of medieval celebrations and troupes that most likely popularized the character of Robin Hood in older times.
As an interesting side note, the chant they do there (‘Nonny nonny’) is an Elizabethian thing that was apparently used as a placeholder to allude to naughty or indiscret things. Given Chapelle’s general comic styles, that seems startlingly appropriate.
I probably give Ahchoo a bit of slack because he’s partially based on my favorite character from Prince of Thieves, Azeem. It might be noted that his father, Ahsneeze, is pretty bluntly based on Azeem in a much more direct way. It’s hard to even say he’s entirely a parody; he’s basically the same character with a more comedic attitude. Ahchoo otherwise has a few general stand out moments, and I think they tend to be strongest when he’s either acting as the only reasonable person or is going full ham on the anachronisms; stirring up the Merry Men by paraphrasing Malcom X being a good example.
So then, what of Robin Hood himself? Cary Elwes is, by far, my favorite actor in the movie. While Ahchoo might get comedy from being baffled or calling out the incomprehensible stupidity of everything around him, Elwes’ Robin Hood gets comedy through a very understated performance that contrasts really well against the more ludicrous people around him. He takes it so seriously even as abjectly weird stuff is going on around him, and his scenes are honestly the best overall, whether it is returning the Sheriff’s glove slap with an ARMORED GAUNTLET without ever really changing expression, battling Little John with increasingly tiny quarterstaff bits and being completely baffled as the man panics at drowning in a few inches of water, or goes full Mark Twain in disguise.
He is a LOT of fun in this movie, and I would even go so far as to say that he’s probably my favorite Robin Hood depiction, ever. He’s something of a case study on how to make things funny by having a more serious character contrast more openly silly ones. It helps that while he explicitly does have the same background as Prince of Thieves Robin of Locksley, it comes off as pretty minimalistic and more of an extended joke that also does a ton of understated comedy in a barrage of bad news. It also doubles as showing rapid fire Brooks comedy for sure!
Now, of the cast in general, the Merry Men feel a BIT by the numbers, in contrast. I can at least say that they don’t feel quite as specifically focused on Prince of Thieves; the worst you can say about them in general is that they, and by extension the rest of the Merry Men, are sort of a composite as the movie goes on, but at least they feel like drawing more from the lore of Robin Hood overall. In particular Will Scarlet (O’Hara) doesn’t really do much after some early physical gags, though Little John remains a good comic presence throughout.
Friar Tuck is Mel Brooks at his best. Best scenes are the ones with him in it, that’s just science.
Prince John and the Sheriff are interesting in context of the whole specifically parodying Prince of Thieves bit. John himself is actually a lot of fun, and the ‘bad news in a good way’ bit has lived rent free in my mind for DECADES; taking him as a slightly ditz Joiseyboi is a lot of fun. (I had trouble placing John in PoT at all, and that’s because he’s not in it, the Sheriff of that movie is a composite character with himself and Prince John.) The Sheriff himself is a fun villain for the most part (barring the various lack-of-consent jokes; the 90s was a dire time indeed), though his performance is specifically trying to outdo and lampoon Alan Rickman’s performance. Let’s get a thing straight; one does not outdo Alan Rickman. It just can’t be done. It would be like trying to out ham Vincent Price or Tim Currey, its a losing proposition no matter how you swing it. Maid Marian also feels a BIT by the numbers, while her assistant comes off as a somewhat weaker version of Frau Blucher in Young Frankenstein, but they’re both perfectly fine characters. Can’t say I really like the running gag with the chastity belt bit or the ‘greatest treasure in all the land’.
Does Patrick Stewart rock in his out of nowhere and extremely cool bit as King Richard? OF COURSE HE DOES. IT’S PATRICK STEWART. HE’S AWESOME. NUFF SAID.
The whole bit with Dom Deluise as the Godfather and celebrating the long friendship between England and New Jersey is an anachronistic bit with a lot of non sequiters but I honestly do like it a lot, even if it drags on a bit; he gives a great performance and the way he needles his henchmen is a lot of fun. It also leads into the over the top archery context where Robin one ups his own arrow splitting feat being done by GETTING A PATRIOT MISSILE ARROW INSTEAD.
Overall, I really DO like this movie a lot, though it doesn’t fair quite as well in a lot of ways from a critical perspective; there’s more scenes than not that I would skip on a casual watch, and that’s not a great endorsement. The stuff I wouldn’t skip IS quite good though, so its still a pretty solid movie, all things considered.
(I’ve always had a vague idea that the “Hey, Abbot!” joke is somehow a veiled references to Abbot And Costello. I have no idea why or what its an actual reference to, nor why I should assume this, but HEY)
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possiamo-andare · 2 years
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I wrote this two days after my grandfather died. Now, it's been ten months since his death and I'm still processing it. Below is what I wrote about him. I hope if anyone is going through grief in a similar way, maybe this can help.
~
hi so, I don't expect anyone to like this so don't feel obligated to interact. But, I need a place to vent and what better way than my sorta anonymous page.
Two days ago, my grandparent died. I had lived with him the first 5 years of my life and we were very close. His funeral is coming up and my brain has been on autopilot most of the time since I found out. I've felt numb. I expected myself to cry but I don't think my brain has fully processed the fact that I'll never see him again. Or hold him. Or laugh with him. It's devastated me beyond comprehension.
And tonight, his obituary was posted. And the comments were flooded with many people talking about their memories of him and saying the nicest things ever. Because I honestly believe he was the closest thing to an actual angel. In all my years, I had never seen him mad or upset. He only ever seemed to be happy. Even when terrible things happened to him, things he didn't deserve, he seemed happy. I was usually the one that got upset for him. But he never did. He was thoughtful beyond belief. Sometimes I thought he could read my mind. He was kind. He never missed a chance to lend a helping hand to a neighbour in need. He was resourceful. He spent hours building and repairing things. There was a peaceful, comforting vibe about him. He worked hard but was humble. Even when he was proud of himself, he never indulged in it too much. He cared more about his family and how they were than he did for himself. He was the epitome of what a good person should be.
It pains me that not many people got to share their presence with him. I honestly believe that if there were more people out there like him, the world would be a better place. He accepted everyone. He never judged, only listened. I never felt insecure around him. I was encouraged to speak my opinion and he was excited to learn from me. There are so many things I can say about him but I will say this; his death has left a deep hole in my heart and in the hearts of everyone that knew him. When you meet someone truly good, you almost feel blessed to be with them. To just be with him was a pleasure.
This is all to say that grief is weird. I had thought about him dying only a few times in passing. It hurt my heart to think about it too much. I surely thought I would cry for days. And although I've been devastated only tonight, have I started crying. Reading those stories of him I've realized his impact on others. I've known subconsciously of his impact but to read those stories, is a whole other experience. For the first time tonight, it's felt real.
I know everyone experiences grief differently and I will never take away from that. But what I will say is that for me, my grief makes me feel like nothing makes sense. The world doesn't make sense anymore. How could someone so beautiful, so good, die? How could the world keep going when mine has stopped? I know that grief is the truest expression of love. The grief I have felt is immense and I know that only shows a fraction of how much I loved him. I know he loved me too and it makes me feel only a bit better to know that if someone that good and kind loved me, if someone that good saw something in me, then maybe I am going to be fine.
So, if you've read all this, then thank you. I doubt anyone will but if you have, let me leave you with this piece of advice. Everyone is worried about being remembered when they die. They want as many people as possible to remember them. They want a legacy. But, in my opinion, your legacy is dependant on how kind, thoughtful and good you are. If you're truly good, you won't have to worry about a legacy because it will be made for you. And my grandpa's legacy was one of kindness and goodness. It was one of love. And while I grieve, I'll try to remember that.
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warmthpdf · 3 years
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i have 2 or 3 weeks left of my project and im so tiredddddd :,,,,,) i do not want to animate!!!! i want to be in a field with my friends and make summer memories i never got to make when i was a kid and go bowling on my birthday and play in the arcade and probably cry over how much my friends mean to me!!! but also im not ready for it to set in that next year will be my last year of college bc wtf ????
#and its already weird bc the course is 2 years long but bc lvl 3 and lvl 2 were grouped together last year me and da gang get a bonus year??#its just a lot of ! stuff that i dont wanna think about because college has literally changed my life and i dont look forward to it ending#but even more than that i dont wanna mourn my college years before theyre even over?? i dont want to be nostalgic rather than live#and still i have over a YEARRR of college and i really am trying to believe that the friends ive made arent going to disappear when its over#my brain sees an opportunity for me to be abandoned and thinks its the only possible outcome#but im trying to believe otherwise and my friends reassurance has helped that :(#sometimes love is ur head being cradled in a hug and being told that we're here for you and that they all want to make memories with you#IDK MY BRAIN DOESNT COMPUTE IT BECAUSE IVE NEVER HAD FRIENDS LIKE THIS BEFORE?? IN REAL LIFE I MEAN#like people are friends with me for more than the necessity of having someone you get along with while at college ??#like people love me beyond it being an obligation and WANT to make memories and consider each other family and and and#just brrrrr#i have a lot of fears about things ending ive realised? fear of childhood ending. fear of friendships ending. fear of college ending#and they all just centre around that fear of abandonment. ill never rly forgive the person who is the reason i have these fears#but i want to believe that theres more and that im loved and will continue to be loved :')#mine#'its stuff i dont wanna think about' *RANTS IN TAGS ABOUT IT*
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Angst in coming. Diluc Zhongli and your pick being haunted by the SO they couldnt save.
Lingering Regret
Warning -> Only Angst (there isn’t a happy ending here, the reader is dead, all interactions are memories*, mentions of Kaeya (D), illness non-specific (Zh)) 
( i made myself cry ) 
Character X GN Reader | Anthology 
Includes: Dainsleif, Diluc, Zhongli 
The ghosts of the past cling to our shadows and seep into our memories when we least expect them to. For some they can move on, they can be healed by the passing of time, but for others, it becomes a festering wound that will never seal. 
Dainsleif
He was no stranger to regret, absolutely everything in his life was a torturous experience. From the day he became the Bough Keeper to the night he failed them all, it was a memory burned in his mind for all eternity and as if he bore the weight of all of Teyvats karma he wove it into the fabric of his being 
There was nothing he thought could break him more, could lower himself further into the sinking sandpit that was his life - that was until the day he met you
Just how many years ago was it now. With the curse of immortality like a chain to a world he was obligated to avenge, it was growing harder and harder to remember you - but there were moments when he could see and those were the ones he longed to hold onto 
“Dainsleif, are you ready?” Your voice called down to him, his eyes flooded by the bright light that surrounded you as you patiently waited for him to climb the dark stairs. You followed him everywhere, much to his disagreement, but he had grown warm to your company. “The day won’t wait for us, you know.” 
The light was so bright, why was it hiding your face? Wait -- let me see your face, I can’t remember. Don’t … don’t leave. 
He blamed himself for your death - there was no one else who could have stopped it but him and, on the day you left this world to a place he had no way of reaching, was the day he stopped caring 
There were rumors of a man who took little to no payment for almost any job - 300 mora and he’d handle your issue. They called him “The soulless vessel” for he was void of any and all emotions 
How could he hold onto something that he didn’t understand anymore, how was he capable of experiencing a sensation that had no more purpose - he was nothing but a shell without you 
“Psst, Daini. Hey sleepy, wake up.” The sound of your laughter, let me hear it again.
“Silly, we can’t sleep forever, wake up.” The touch of your hands, oh I remember them now … were they always this small. 
“I guess we can rest a bit longer, you know I won’t mind.” Your lips, how could I have forgotten their warmth; I’ll let you remind me. 
“Dainsleif, I love you.” 
The birds pulled him from his dream, their chirping calls to each other a playful and carefree tune. He felt the warmth of the sun on his face, how it cast its glow across his lips but as the memory of his dream began to fade away he covered his eyes with his hand to hide the tears that disappeared into his hair.
“Forgive me …” 
 Diluc
Lingering ghosts loved to slip into the darkness that was Diluc Ragnvindr - when they fit so perfectly there, why wouldn’t they make him their home 
He had countless people close to him perish and each one was a direct result of his actions - his father, a slash of a blade, his brother, a clash of opposing elements, his values, a single dismiss of a hand, his friends, the darkness of the abyss and the hands of the Fatui -- there was nothing he let get close anymore because it was only a matter of time before he brought it crumbling to the pit of his existence 
How could he have been so naive - what was hope but a debilitating disease and yet you purged all of that from his mind every time you entered his space, every time you pushed your way past the walls he so expertly crafted -- you were the last thing he clung to, the last light he vowed to protect 
“You know, you don’t have to worry about me all the time, I’m more capable than you think.” You crossed your arms and gave him a cocky smirk, the bag of supplies resting at your feet as they waited for you to pick them back up again. It was only because of his hesitancy that they were there in the first place. 
“I have seen your capabilities many times, yes.” 
“So, what, you don’t trust me.” 
“That is far from the truth.” He looked at you for a moment before sighing in defeat. His hand reached for the bag and lifted it to your hands. “Do be careful, is all that I ask.” 
“You know I will.” With a bright smile, you took the pack and slung it over your shoulder. In your excitement, you turned toward the door before pausing as if you forgot something and when you hurled yourself back to him only to place a kiss on his lips, he felt the heat from his pounding heart rise into his cheeks. “See you soon, handsome.” 
“I’ll be waiting.” 
The distant and closed-off winery owner turned into a being of rage the day of your death. No matter how hard those closest to him tried to quell the wildfire that was his fury, they could only stand back and deal with the aftermath - The flame of Diluc’s devastation was so great that it left a permanent scar in Mondstadt and to this day the earth has yet to heal 
It was on him to protect you and he couldn’t, he wasn’t even there to try and he wasn’t sure what was worse - but one was for sure, the anguish he felt knowing you called out for him but he never came to save you ate him up inside. He wasn’t Diluc Ragnvindr anymore, he was no-one 
“Diluc! Come back!” Kaeya shouted but he couldn’t hear over the sound of the violent crashing and eerie nothingness in front of him. 
“Kaeya, don’t!” Another voice joined the noise but Diluc didn’t turn around. In front of him was the only answer to his shattered and empty heart. 
“Diluc please, they wouldn’t want this!” Kaeya reached for Diluc’s arm but the pressure and wind from the opening were so great it felt like a thousand anchors were strapped to his body. “Diluc!” 
Suddenly, there was silence. No noise, no sound but the world continued to whip around like a violent storm. Kaeya’s fingers touched the fabric of his brother's coat and, as Diluc turned his head to look back, tears were streaming down his face. It was strange to see Diluc’s lips moving as if he were saying something but there was nothing, an unbearable amount of nothing.
Riddled with fear, Kaeya extended his hand toward the rip in space and as soon as he felt the pulse of his vision escape his fingers, his others curled around Diluc’s jacket and flung him backward. In the settling explosion, the sound of the world slipped back in and as those who cared deeply for the man who no longer knew his name drew closer, the first thing they saw was his hunched-over body guarded by blue and the sound of his painful cries. 
Zhongli
To know suffering, to know loss was nothing new to the Geo Archon. For six thousand years he watched those close to him rise in greatness and fall in agony - for some they were thrust into death by a number of means and for others, well, his hands have never been clean 
Still, even if he had known what it was like to lose someone he loved, it was never easy and while he always knew the day would come when you left this world to walk a path he’d never know, it wasn’t something he expected so soon 
There were endless memories he couldn’t wait to make with you - the engraving your life into the notches of his soul, to be reminded of your face by simply turning around, to recall your wit with banter of his own, to be inspired by you every single day he stepped out the door -- why didn’t you stay 
“Welcome home, Zhongli.” You were already preparing the table with the teacups by the time he entered your home. It was elegant incarnate to watch you move around the room, to place everything so perfectly and properly that he wondered if you hadn’t been a spirit in another life. 
“I am home.” He reached for your waist and pulled you close, his smile setting yours off, and as the kettle began to sound he first greeted you with a heartwarming kiss. 
There are many things he can circumvent - his capabilities are endless but he found that no matter how strong a person is, there is one thing strength cannot beat 
To watch you slowly suffer was a torturous thing. Every day you grew weaker and weaker, your skin changed but the kindness of your smile outweighed it all until the day finally came ... 
A ceremony to send someone off is a beautiful thing, a celebration of their life while they kept it their own, a remembrance and blessing to hold strong every impact they made - but to Zhongli that day was laced with bitterness 
He made the arduous steps up the hillside. His legs carried him on even when nothing else of him felt the desire to do so. When he finally reached the peak, he prepared everything so skillfully as if he’d practiced this a thousand times, and it's possible he did for there was no end to his life even if he wished for it. 
“My dear, the flowers are blooming splendidly.” He set the burning incense by the weathered tombstone. It had faded and eroded over the years, but as he brushed the engraving with his fingers, he could still make out its marks. 
The chimes in the tree rang out as he poured a glass of tea before setting it against the small offering before you. “Ah, I can only hope you are able to see them from beyond the veil.” As he gazed out over the vast field, the sun illuminated the thousands of flowers that surrounded your grave, and, as he took a sip of his tea, he sighed contentedly before continuing, “Never worry, I shall cultivate more until you do. I know how fond you were of flowers.”
--
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dimdiamond · 3 years
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Bagginshield fic list
Yeah, I decided to make one too because there are enough to cause me headaches and I'd like to have them somewhere organized. Please look at the tags before reading them!
Fix-it fics
Desperate magic by BeautifulFiction: Bilbo is left to tend Thorin as he hovers on the brink of death after the Battle of the Five Armies. Is love enough to save Erebor's king, or is this the last farewell?
Lay your troubles down by Avelera: An extended version of "the acorn scene." Bilbo sees his chance to snap Thorin out of his madness, and takes it.
The Riven Crown by BeautifulFiction: The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honoured, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place. Then there is the matter of the gold... Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin?
The Color of Possibility by lindoreda: When Bilbo puts himself between Thorin and Azog's blade, his mithril shirt protecting them both, it isn't long before some dwarves whisper that 'Oakenshield' might not be the best epithet for their king anymore. But for Bilbo, barred from Thorin's sight since the battle, this new epithet only adds to the sting. Spending his days caring for the recovering princes, Bilbo wonders how much more of this he can take, not suspecting his place at the center of a silent divide in the company.
Homesick by Margo_Kim: Five years after they've reclaimed Erebor, Thorin is sick of home, Bilbo is just sick, and neither is handling the situation ideally.
The Road Delivered Us Home by keelywolfe: In the years since Bilbo left Erebor, he has lost his respectability, gained a nephew, and gotten on with life at Bag End. He'd left aside adventure for the comforts and peace of his little Hobbit hole, and for the love of a child who needed him. Though perhaps, adventures can yet find him.
Notices in the Paper by YamBits: Bilbo returns to the Shire after his adventure, newly married, and newly homeless, after his two year absence allowed the Sackville-Bagginses to obtain Bag End. Bilbo and Thorin go to the Tooks for help, and find newly orphaned Frodo Baggins, also looking for a home.
A Royal Guardianship by ladyoakenshields: When Bilbo and Thorin return to the Shire for a sabbatical during Yuletide, they find a reason to retire the throne in Erebor sooner than expected.
The Shire's gems by awkwarng3: Thorin, Bilbo, and Frodo move to the Shire after raising Frodo in Erebor, and Frodo makes a friend.
Time travel fix-it fics
An expected journey by MarieJacquelyn: For years Bilbo has written about his adventures and told stories about his dealings with dwarves and dragons. To most it seemed like fanciful nonsense but to Bilbo it was all very real. A weight followed him home from his travels, one called regret. Now in his final moments Bilbo has a choice to make – go quietly into death’s embrace or go back again and face all the fear and pain for the chance to make things right? Of course, change is a fickle thing and not everything can be done again as Bilbo is about to find out. In the end, it may not only be salvation that he’s fighting for.
Bilbo Baggins, warrior of the Valar by Pallalalo: Bilbo raised his eyebrows. “And you’ve come to the Shire to look for this someone? My, Gandalf, I wonder if you know Hobbits at all. They would tell you that adventures are nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. That they would make you late for dinner.” Bilbo recalled his own words perfectly. It had been something he and Gandalf had looked back on with bittersweet laughter. This Gandalf however noticed his exact words. “Would they now? And what about you, mhm? What would you tell me about adventures?” #The Valar send Bilbo back in time, to the day where Gandalf asks him to join in an adventure. After living a lifetime of regret and suffering, he vows to change things for the better. For Thorin. For Frodo. But will he succeed?
I'll die to care for you by thehufflepuffhobbit: His gaze landed on Mahal's eyes once more. "You did your best, Thorin." It was tempting to look away; he wanted to deny that with everything he had. It certainly didn't feel as though falling into Gold Sickness and then dying was doing his best. Mahal smirked, as though he knew Thorin's desire to contradict him, and pinched his cheek before walking over to a table. "Aye, I didn't think you would believe me. I'm not lying, it certainly could have gone better. More according to my plan, but I know you really did try." "Your plan?" He didn't know if he should ask, really. Knowing that his Maker had set a course for him, he didn't want to think about the ways he had done everything wrong. There were too many examples of mistakes in his long life, too many opportunities that he had missed that had probably been planned for him from the beginning. Or:Mahal feels like Thorin fucked up his legacy and gives him a do over.
Darker times ahead by Reach4theSky: Bilbo is sailing to the Undying Lands but wary of letting go of the guilt that has been with him for many decade. His most sincerest wish is to go back and change what was done. Before reaching the lands of peace and healing, he dies aboard the ship and finds that his wish is being granted, not because he is the one to wish it but because this is the dwarves last chance to escape a fate of eternal waiting. He finds that not only is he going to be sent back to his younger body, but so is the entire Company of Thorin Oakenshield. Time is a fickle thing and not all the members have their memories returned to them at the same time. The journey on becomes interesting as the dwarves slowly remember and fight for themselves and their kin, yet new hurdles are thrown at them when they realize that more people remember than expected...
Of an arcane binding by Salvia_G: An inexplicable magic ties Bilbo Baggins, hobbit of the Shire, to Thorin, dwarven prince of Erebor.
Legends by DomesticGoddess: The fellowship has set out on its noble quest to destroy the ring and put an end to the threat that is Sauron! Just set out really, barely left the gates of Imladris, but things are going smoothly enough so far. That is until the two most unlikely party crashers fall upon their little fellowship. Uncle Bilbo and the Legendary Thorin Oakenshield?! Frodo just wants to know what's going on but the two of them won't stop hollering at each other long enough for anyone to get a word in edgewise. Suddenly, their little group is joined by Frodo's two biggest heroes and he discovers there was a lot more to Uncle Bilbo's stories than he realized.
Beside myself by bliboboggins: "What are you doing? Just who do you think you are?" Startled, Bilbo turned around slowly. And there, in a familiar patchwork dressing gown, brandishing a fire poker wildly about, was... Bilbo.
Erebor never fell au fics
The hearth doesn't make the home by Moonrose91: For things Bilbo could not change, he was condemned to a life of isolation, with the belief that none could love him. And then a Dwarf came to Hobbiton.
Clarity of vision by Mithen: In a Middle-Earth where Erebor never fell, a shadow remains in the heart of the Lonely Mountain. Bilbo Baggins finds himself drawn reluctantly into a quest that will lead him across the continent--from Bree to Lake Evendim to the icy North and beyond--with a party of five dwarves searching for an artifact that will cure the ailing King Thrór.
Ghivashel by mdseiran: The last thing Bilbo expects when he stays up late one night is company. The strange dwarf and his companion crash into his life and prove unexpected saviours. But the dwarf seems to think he will be joining them on their travels, and Bilbo has no such intentions.
The Song of My Heart by DomesticGoddess: After a failed attempt of trying to carve out a new home in the Blue Mountains for his people, Thorin finds himself beseeching the Hobbit Thain and his council for a place for his people in their bountiful land. An agreement is struck and plans in the works for integrating his people into their land. The only condition being an arranged marriage between himself and one of their family heads. A small price to pay to see his people safe and well fed. Unfortunately, he’s to marry the most disagreeable hobbit in all the Shire who also seems to hold a personal grudge against him. If only he could figure out why his new betrothed hates him so much.
Oak and Mistletoe by HildyJ: After a life dominated by a strange form of sickness, Thorin is sent to the Shire to seek a cure only Bilbo Baggins can offer.
Karkûn shukula - A Cinderella AU by harrypanther: When the Prince of the Shire visits the Kingdom of Erebor, there is great excitement. There are hopes he will choose to marry one of the Royal Family, cementing an alliance that would secure food supplies for the dwarven Kingdom and gain new allies. All eligible dwarves are expected to attend a series of Balls. Unknown to the guests, there is a third royal child, manoeuvred out by his ambitious stepmother, for whom this may be his last chance of restoring his fortunes and escaping his fate…
Alone this Yuletide by Emsiecat: 'Alone this Yuletide? Irritated with prying and nosey family members? I am an out of work blacksmith currently trying to make my way by any means necessary that does not involve my resorting to thievery (prisons are most uncomfortable, I've unfortunate first hand experience). However, if you would like me to be your strictly platonic companion for any social function, but have me pretend that we are in a serious courtship, so as to torment your family and ward off unwanted suitors then I am more than obliging...' After becoming increasingly irritated by overtures of romance from various Shire residents following the death of his mother four years ago, Bilbo is more than ready to resort to desperate measures. That is, up to and including pretending to be in a serious relationship with a certain surly blacksmith currently inhabiting the Bindbale Woods. It's a good idea after all; all they have to do is pretend to be in love over the Yuletide period and Bilbo's family and suitors will surely leave him alone after that. It's perfect! And nothing can possibly go wrong, right? Certainly nothing as preposterous as falling for one another for real...
Modern au fics
Nothing gold can stay by perkynurples: Bilbo Baggins led a rather peaceful life, thank you very much, until an old acquaintance decided to turn it upside down, and he found himself agreeing to take a job that’s… let’s say not exactly up his alley, and might eventually cost him a little more than his treasured cozy lifestyle. Who would have thought tutoring a slightly menacing monarch’s more than slightly overbearing nephew could prove to be such an adventure?
Love-In-Idleness by perkynurples: Taking Bilbo Baggins, a successful movie actor who is only just getting used to the perks and intricacies of becoming A Face People Want To See, and putting him together with Thorin Oakenshield, with his very traditional (read: slightly backwards) ideas about what constitutes Real Art and Real Talent, might very well be viewed as just some clothead’s idea of a joke. But there are jokes, and then there are carefully calculated risks the size of controversial reproductions of classic Shakespearean plays - for Bilbo, it is the chance of a lifetime to prove himself to all those who have ever deemed him too one-dimensional to even attempt stage, while Thorin has the opportunity to get out of the rut that’s been hindering his career for so long now, and shine in a role worthy of his talent once again. That is if the two learn how to share the same space for more than ten minutes without wanting to tear each other’s hair out. The course of true love never did run smooth, after all…
Candid by northerntrash: Thorin wasn't entirely sure why there was a six-foot candid photograph of him hanging in this exhibition, but he was going to wring the neck of whoever had put it there. In which Bilbo is a photographer, Thorin an accidental model, and Gandalf just likes to make trouble for everyone.
How the west was won and where it got us by stickman: Bilbo is a harried 1st year British literature Ph.D. (early 20th century fiction) who happens to have an interest in spatial narrative structures, a lack of time-management skills, and a tiny apartment with a lot of books and very little furniture. He’s stressed, always, and doesn't quite know where he belongs. He tells himself that really, this is, in fact, what he wants to be doing. But sometimes, as much as he loves books, he gets an urge to do something with his hands. Thorin is a disgruntled M.Arch. 1 in his last year who can’t be arsed to shave and frightens his students, and, frankly, his profs, but his work is top-notch so no one can really say much. They can, however, bully him into running a hands-on design workshop on Saturday mornings, which is complete crap, because he’s used to drinking his Friday nights into oblivion so showing up at Milstein at 7:45 the next morning and trying to teach in a room of wall-to-wall windows as the sun rises is not at the top of his list. Besides, no one ever shows up. Except one morning, someone does. [graduate school AU]
Butterfly effect by eyra: Yoga wasn’t for him. Yoga was for interesting people. Luminous people; people who took gap years and spoke a foreign language. People who ate lentils and burned incense and had fantastic, colourful friends with fantastic, colourful lives full of travel and silent retreats and those baggy trousers with elephants on them. Yoga was decidedly not for people like Bilbo, who wore cardigans and ate beans on toast and whose linguistic capabilities stretched only as far as a rusty Spanish A-Level. Just your regular story of boy meets yoga instructor.
Remover of the obstacles by MistakenMagic: "Dis often chided her older brother for being a misanthropist. She did it so often it had become a term of endearment. It was true that Thorin struggled with people; he struggled to form and maintain relationships. Dr. Grey had diagnosed him with this and Thorin hadn’t the heart to tell him this wasn’t a symptom of his PTSD, it was a symptom of his personality. He exercised a sense of apathy with almost everyone he met… But Bilbo was different. Thorin actually found himself wanting to know more about him."
Color outside the lines by andquitefrankly: Kindergarten has just gotten significantly better. Just ask Thorin, who's got the biggest crush on the new kid in class, Bilbo Baggins. With the help of his friends, Thorin knows that he can take back the swings from the 1st graders, show up the K-1 class in the school pageant, and win the heart of one curly haired boy. Yup. Kindergarten is going to be a year to remember.
Bran' New Suit by pibroch (littleblackdog): Andrew's description had been sufficient to recognize him— a riot of honey brown curls, short in stature, a well-favoured face with expressive features— but it hadn't quite been enough to prepare Tom for the sharp, almost painful tug in his gut at the sight of the man. They had never met before, to the best of Tom's recollection, but there was something eerily and inexplicably familiar about him all the same.
Different species au fics
I've grown a hedge around my heart by pibroch (littleblackdog): "Thorin was the essence of so many Buckland oddities, distilled into one misfortunate young hobbit, much to his infinite embarrassment. Built like a stork, his father had said once, in an example of Thrain Brandybuck’s usual tactless humour. All beak and legs." Thorin Brandybuck, just recently come of age, still lives in his family’s smial in Buckland, with his parents and two younger siblings. Thorin is an odd duck amongst his relations and neighbours-- unsociable, grumpy, shy, and awkward. And beyond that, he looks rather strange even for a Bucklander, strongly favouring the thick, dark haired build of his Stoorish blood. It defies all sense and reason why Bilbo Baggins, an exemplar of all the respectable traits Thorin lacked, would ever desire a friendship with him. Bilbo, as Thorin discovers, is not always as sensible as he appears.
In which the dwarves are satyrs for reasons by HiddenKitty What the title says basically.
Bride of the demon king by DomesticGoddess: Thorin is King of the demons, a beast-like race feared by humans. Ever since the demons and humans formed a truce years ago, the humans have sent a young human every year as a tribute to the King of demons. Thorin is tired of having to deal with the tribute that has long since lost its meaning. The only tribute he'd be interested in is the boy he met fifteen years ago on the border of the demon and human realms. Despite his fantasies, Thorin knows the chances of ever seeing the boy again are slim to none, until they're not.
Lost He Wandered Under Leaves by serenbach: Thorin son of Thrain is a struggling blacksmith descended from a fallen line of kings. In an attempt to provide for his family over the winter, he reluctantly accepts an impossible sounding task - to hunt down an enchanted deer that lives in the Old Forest that borders the Shire, and make armour and weapons from its hide and antlers. He never expected to succeed. And he certainly never expected what he found to change his life so completely.
A Dryad's Tale by Bilbo Baggins by Moongazer12: Bilbo is a dryad (think little sibling to ents). Long ago a curse was placed upon him from destroying one of the rings of power. Whenever he touches someone with his bare skin he will make them insane. But despite this, he and Gandalf have gone on many adventures to help protect Middle Earth (What was the point to destroying the ring if something else destroyed it instead?) Gandalf has called on him once again to help on a quest, Bilbo just hopes that they read his amendments to the contract.
The quest but with a twist au fics
King, come at the red morning by Tawabids: Bilbo has heard fairytales of the lost prince of the dwarves, Thorin son of Thrain, who disappeared the day Smaug attacked the Lonely Mountain. But he does not believe in fairytales until he comes across the dwarf sleeping in the depths of Erebor, and kisses him back to life. Now Thorin - a hundred and fifty years out of his time - has to confront a world in which his city is empty, his people scattered, his baby brother Frerin is king, two nephews he's never met are missing in action, and a war is brewing right on his doorstep. And as if that wasn't complicated enough he's trapped in the body of an old man and falling stupidly in love with a gossipy, grudging little hobbit.
When the sun rises by Harry1981: Bilbo Baggins of Bag End was not a very respectable Hobbit. No respectable Hobbit had a sword and crossbow hanging in their home, nor did they have Dwarves as family. But Bilbo Baggins did, and all of Shire knew of his husband, blacksmith Thorin Oakenshield. When Bilbo comes home to find his Husband earlier than expected, he learns of a quest to reclaim Erebor. It is a death mission. Bilbo knows that Dwarves are stubborn creatures, and none more than Thorin himself. But nobody said that Bilbo himself was any less stubborn. So he will follow his dearest husband across all of Middle Earth, through plains and mountains and forests, all while hiding the true nature of their relationship (Dwarven politics never helped anyone), brushing off some old wounds (and getting new ones) and finding out new things about the dwarf Bilbo calls husband (and his extended family). Nobody ever said love was easy, after all.
Small, but fierce by DomesticGoddess: As a result of a magical mishap during the trip to the lonely mountain, Bilbo is reverted to a wee little hobbitling. Only in body, of course. His adult mind is still very aware of the indignity of it all (seriously! He doesn't need to be coddled, carried, and fed like a child). It turns out, dwarves love children and there is nothing cuter than Hobbit children. Bilbo soon realizes that he can get away with just about anything in his babyish form and starts taking full advantage of it. Even the grumpy brooding king can't deny the angelic little creature anything he desires (and Bilbo's going to milk that for all it's worth).
Your song like a home in my heart by Nennvial: In Middle Earth, all creatures have a soulmate. Not all have some, but if they do, it is a bond nothing can break, not even death. The more famous story of such a bound was the story of Bren and Luthien, who even defied detath. The way someone can find out that the other is one’s soulmate is through song: when they meet and hear the voice of the other, a song sings in their heart, which feels like home and makes them complete. They may refuse it if they wish to do so, but they hence risk a life of bitter looniness. Thorin Oakenshield and Bilbo Baggins are soulmates, but they must admit it to themselves throughout their journey to Erebor.
To Dungeons Deep (And Caverns Old) by KingUndertheMountain: Bilbo Baggins was not your average hobbit. Of course, he had the wonderfully groomed and well-taken-care-of hairy feet like every other one of his race, yes, but he was not like other hobbits. He was cursed. Or, as the witch who gave him the enchantment put it, was “gifted”. She had given him the “gift” of obedience – whenever there was a direct command given to him, for example “cook a large meal” or “take a walk”, he could not disobey. Not without a lot of pain and eventual submission.
Chocolate candy one-shots
The world is sleeping (my world is you) by katheneverwrites (mandolinearts): I asked Persephone, “How could you grow to love him? He took you from flowers to a kingdom where not a single living thing can grow.” Persephone smiled, “My darling, every flower on your earth withers. What Hades gave me was a crown made for the immortal flowers in my bones.” - Nikita Gill ---“What do you mean, my friend?” There is a line of thought that surfaces in Gandalf’s mind, but he drowns it before it can take root. Surely not. But Bilbo’s chuckle sets him on edge. The small, gentle god of harvest, nature, and flowers sits up straighter, and in his crown of flowers there is a wire of strong metal, his cloak is suddenly not colorful anymore but the deepest black and he is terrifying, horrific, powerful - “I married Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the World.”
Of seasons by northerntrash: As far as he could tell, he had been kidnapped, which in itself made this week more than a little unusual. In which Bilbo steals away the Lord of Death, and Thorin can't quite bring himself to stay angry about it.
Warm up by paranoid_fridge: On one of their walks, Bilbo tumbles into a stream. They make it back to Bag End and Bilbo demands Thorin warm him up.
Royal Blue And Crimson Red by Mistofstars: Here's what happened before and after Bilbo accidentally eavesdrops on Gandalf and Elrond at night in Rivendell, as they discuss Thorin's quest and his family's history. Oh, and Thorin and Bilbo share a room, of course ;)
I was young when I left home by Margo_Kim: There was a pity clapper somewhere in the third row. Thorin finished his fourth song to polite applause from the people who noticed that the song was finished, but within the smattering of claps was someone beating his hands together like he was trying to rhythmically kill a fly. There was usually one of those, the kind who notices that no one else is paying attention and so is determined to compensate for that regardless of how they feel about the actual music. Thorin ignored him. It was easy to do so—he'd always hated looking at the audience when the singing was done.
A matter of buttons by StupidFatPenguin: “Your shirt,” says Thorin, quite out of the blue, and Bilbo looks down his front to see if there is a spot of tea or jam or anything equally embarrassing spilled on it. He is relieved to find nothing of the sort and looks up at the dwarf with an eyebrow raised in question. Thorin sits mute, his still-smoking pipe forgotten in his hand. He looks on for long moments still, seems almost lost to a thought before he shifts and lifts his gaze to meet Bilbo’s inquiring face. “It is familiar to me. Did you not wear this on the eve we met?” In which Bilbo and Thorin re-enact the evening they met.
The ladder by Milliethekitty27: Inspired from a post made by wheeloffortune-design on tumblr. Tired of his lonely kitchen in Yavanna's Garden, Bilbo Baggins wonders if the dwarven love of being underground is true in death. If so, maybe his dwarves are living (ha ha) under the very land Bilbo is weeding. With that thought, Bilbo goes and asks Hamfast for a shovel.
Love hobbit by HybridOwl: Bilbo Baggins considers himself a bit of a cock up, all things considered. He never made it out of his small highway adjacent town, can't seem to stop chain-smoking, and overall has more to talk about with the plants in his shop than 90% of all the rest of Middle Earth. So when he's reading the morning paper and a love note that can't be for anyone but him pops up, he's pretty sure - almost positive, really - that he's being made fun of. "TO the chain-smoking little stud who collects two metros from Gamgee's Goods every morning, will you be my love hobbit? - Bearded Biker." (heavily inspired by tumblr posts)
Fusion with other fandoms au fics
The Second Time by authoressjean; Sebastian Moran can't pull the trigger on John Watson to save his own hide, and what the hell is it with the doctor, anyway? Then Gandalf shows up, meddlesome wizard, and reminds him none too gently of his past life: as Thorin Oakenshield, leader of a company that had once included a small hobbit named Bilbo Baggins. One that looked decidedly like John Watson. And this would be the perfect chance to make things right with Bilbo the way he really hadn't been able to before he died, and that's when Gandalf tells him John doesn't remember being Bilbo, and to leave him alone. Right. Like that's going to happen.
And sow a star divided in us by MistakenMagic: Short summary: Gays in space! Longer summary: After his first successful solo mission, Jedi Knight Bilbo Baggins, trained by High Council member and full-time nuisance, Master Gandalf, returns to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. During an excursion to the sparring arena, he meets a group of Dwarven Jedi from Ered Luin, a mountainous planet located in the Outer Rim. Young padawans, Fili and Kili, are full of curiosity at this strange, barefoot Jedi, but Master Thorin, who appears to have the personality of a rancor and mental shields like blast doors, is less than impressed.
Comics you should definitely check
Every work by rutobuka, seriously they're criminally cute and they're not still favored by everyone without reason.
Retelling the Hobbit by Mellow_Comics: Bilbo has never been good at telling the "true" story of what happened on his journey to the Lonely Mountain. Now he's trying to turn the tale of his quest into a lighthearted children's book-- a bedtime story for his young nephew Frodo. But what really happened on his journey? And how did it actually affect him? This is a comic adaptation/retelling of the Hobbit! It's framed as a bedtime story that Bilbo is telling a younger Frodo.
For now these are some of my personal favourites! However, I'm sure my list will grow since my reading list has some gems still waiting for me to read, so be certain that there will be a part 2 of this list!
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solaeter · 3 years
Note
can i request any soft casual date headcanons for choso or noritoshi or geto? -akatsukimommy
Soft, Casual Date | Headcanons 
Note: tysm for being my first request! .+:。(ノ・ω・)ノ゙ I hope I did these justice, headcanons and I don’t get along because I over think and..it’s a process lmao. I also chose to do all three because I can’t pick between them |ω・)و ̑̑༉
Word Count: 1838
Characters: Choso, Noritoshi Kamo and Suguru Geto
Warning[s]: None aside from possible errors I didn’t bother to check for. 
Request Status: OPEN
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↠ There’d be lots of communication, mostly coming from you as the two of you venture about. From shops, food and to culture, you educate Choso while he just is so lost in you. He’s like a puppy, completely in love and hanging onto every word. From how he looks at you, you’d question if he was actually listening. 
↠ A soft casual date with Choso would probably be showing him around Tokyo. This boy will be glued to your side, arms linked together or he’d hold your hand. Regardless, he’s not letting you out of his sight. 
“Did I lose you?” You worried you were babbling on too much and Choso shakes his head. He can’t help himself and admire you, how you knew so much and the level of patience you had for him made his chest tighten. 
“No, continue please.” So polite he is, taking your hand once again as you smile before going into another explanation that leads into a particularly embarrassing story of a past experience. But Choso doesn’t laugh, he is humored, don’t get him wrong, but he pulls you to his side and offers a small bit of comfort. So precious (´•ω•̥`)
↠ After walking around for what feels like forever, you’d drag Choso to a cute little cafe for a chance to sit down and enjoy a snack or drink. 
↠ Choso might feel a little out of his element but having you there is all he needs. So don’t mind him he wears a little frown or looks around curiously. Normal customs are beyond the poor boy though he is quick to catch onto things.
↠ For example, Choso may not like anything in his coffee. So when you look at him with a crinkled nose and a small smile, he’d tilt his head.
“What?”
“Black coffee? I could never.” You stick your tongue in a playfully disgusted manner and if Choso wasn’t in love then, he certainly fell more. You were so cute, innocent and he can’t seem to handle the emotions that swarm him.
↠ Choso.exe has stopped working. 
↠ After the pit stop, the little date would end with Choso seeing you home. He had things to attend to so staying wasn’t a choice unfortunately, but he makes sure to give you one hell of a hug. There’s so much love and he will cherish every moment with you, his actions prove this statement.
↠ Especially when he doesn’t let go immediately, keeping you there and mumbling a goodnight in your ear. It’d have your heart hammering in your chest and if he kisses you, or you to him, you’d both probably be flustered messes.
↠ But that’s alright cause neither one of you will forget the feeling and you’d be left at the door to your home, eyes soft and body warm with your phone in hand to plan the next time you get to see Choso.
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↠ A soft casual date with Noritoshi would probably be an evening stroll through the park or sitting at home and enjoying one another's company. It’s not about what goes on, but rather the experience, atmosphere and feelings during that moment. Noritoshi is sentimental and it plays into a lot of things that he does. Especially when it comes to you.
↠ If you went for a walk with Noritoshi, just like with Choso, he’s keep you close. Except it might be a hand on the small of your back or loosely holding your hand. The contact is reassuring to him, it lets him know you’re okay even if there’s no danger in sight. 
↠ He also holds these little dates close to his heart considering he’s busy most of the time with sorcerer work and clan duties. So one the off days where he can see you, happiness and a sense of much needed calmness will radiate around him. And it’s obvious to you.
“You seem happy.” You point out while the two of you stand on a bridge overlooking a quiet stream illuminated by the setting sun. One might say the view is right out of a photo and you’d agree. Noritoshi laughs beside you, sounding so free from whatever shackles held him daily.
“Any time with you brings me much joy. It’s a breath of fresh air. Perhaps even an escape from reality.” He’d say so casually despite the sentence being cheesy as hell. You bite your lip and smile, ignoring the light blush dusting your cheeks. Smooth fucker, how dare he ୧(๑•̀ᗝ•́)૭
Instead of responding because you were lost for words like a fool, you’d hug Noritoshi’s side and enjoy the peaceful view. The contact was all the response he needed, he thrived off of it. 
↠ Noritoshi isn’t opposed to taking you to his home, but he enjoys spending time at yours for a change of scenery. His obligations and duties don’t follow him once inside your humble little abode.
↠ A date can be anything, or so you’ve reassured many times because let’s be honest, Noritoshi doesn’t have the slightest idea on dating. So when you offered to sit at home and ‘chill’, he was completely thrown left field the first time. Now it’s one of his favorite things.
↠ Noritoshi will melt if you let him lay his head on your lap so you can play with his hair. There’s something so, so relaxing about it that he just falls apart over a simple act of affection. Plus you love seeing his content face while you absentmindedly watch tv and chat quietly about the day's events. The domestic atmosphere has your head spinning and mind jumping to thoughts of marriage. You’d bat the thoughts away but you can’t and when you frown, Noritoshi is quick to notice. 
“You okay?” His soothing voice brings you out of your short lived fantasy and you look down at him, noticing the concern despite his eyes never opening. You nod quickly, flashing a reassuring smile.
“Of course! I was just thinking, nothing bad.” You wouldn’t dare admit to thinking about the future that isn’t even certain. Instead of pressing further, Noritoshi brings a hand up to rest along your cheek. His touch was warm and welcoming and you can’t help but nuzzle into the palm of his hand. 
↠ Lovesick fools you both are. 
↠ Noritoshi is attached to you and he knew he was in deep after the first date. Now every moment with you is engraved in his memory, his heart. No matter how simple or quiet or rambunctious, he doesn’t forget. He also makes mental notes to take you out somewhere nice the next time he gets free time. Until then, he relishes in the comfort you bring and the freedom he feels while spending time at your home.
↠ All in all, relaxing at home playing with Noritoshi’s hair after taking a nice walk sure beats going to the movies or staying out into the late hours of the night. You cherish the softness of his face as he lays on you and the way he lets himself be loose around you in private. Nothing can beat the little things. 
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↠ A soft casual date with Geto would be getting him out of trouble probably going out to some unhealthy restaurant and eating your weight in a buffet. Why? Geto can eat and will definitely drag you along. Will also make comments like:
“You need to gain some weight [Name], don’t fear the food.” He’s tryna be nice, honestly especially if you are shy or being conservative. But you may or may not take offense to that. So just punch him to shut him up (๑و•̀ω•́)و.
↠ Will talk about anyone and anything. Geto definitely gossip to you about other people that pass by, making up random blurbs that are far fetched or downright dumb. He likes to keep the mood light and fun especially if he just came back from a mission and needed a change of pace. 
↠ Geto is polite in every sense of the way despite his little comments here and there. He holds doors open for you, keeps your hand locked in his and will often bring it up to kiss your knuckles just to wooo you. Only because he knows it works. Every time. 
↠ After dinner, Geto would take you to the top of some building to look at the sky. Why? It’s romantic in his opinion and secondly it’s nice to get away from the crowds and admire the sea of stars while in the presence of the one who so graciously tolerates him.
“You know,” He’d break the silence and look over at you, catching your attention, “I appreciate you for keeping me grounded.” Geto spoke from his heart, referring to the mixed feelings and lingering doubt that covered his heart. The only light that remained was the space you occupied. You blink and sit up on your elbow.
“Where’s this coming from?”
“I don’t know, I just wanted to say it.” He shrugs, flashing you a half smile before pulling you on him for a hug. The two of you would remain like this until lord knows when. Geto wanted to stay like this for as long as possible because soon he wouldn’t have you anymore. 
↠ Which brings us to the new Geto, the monkey hater. If you managed to stay with him through all the shit he did, good on you for being a certified simp! And if you were a non-sorcerer, you are the only ‘monkey’ he tolerates because he loves you so. This bastard will kill anyone for you, even if you’re out on a cute, casual date.
↠ Which would include him taking you out somewhere very nice, like way out of your normal budget. The man loves to impress, always has and always will. 
“Isn’t this a bit..much?” You question, looking at the array of silverware neatly arranged before you. Geto leans forward, his elbow on the table and chin now resting in the palm of his hand. He wore a sly smile, one that was far too relaxed for a cold hearted killer. 
“Not at all.” He reaches with his other hand and takes yours, brushing his thumb across your knuckles. You melt of course, he always managed to take you down, so effortlessly. “You deserve the best.”
“Even if I’m a monkey?” You raise an eyebrow. No one said you agreed with his ideals, but love kept you by his side. Geto laughs, clearly humored. 
“What can I say? I’m a hypocrite out of love.”
(╯°□°)╯︵ (\ . 0 .)\�� 
↠ As to where you go afterwards, that depends on you cause Geto will take you anywhere. Even though he’s different now, his opinion toward you and how he holds the relationship never changed. If anything, he loves you even more for looking past the monster he became and showing him the love he was scared to lose. 
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effeminateboyninja · 3 years
Note
Can I please have some Naruto x Reader where Reader’s parents were killed by the Nine Tails and has no idea Naruto has it inside him. So one day she just brings it up. Please let this be when he becomes a genin too so he would know he’s got kurama inside him :3c Also if he admits it his SO doesn’t care because Naruto isn’t Kurama and is his own person
this is such a wonderful idea! ty for the request bby, I had such a good time with this 💚 (kept it pretty platonic cause they’re just kiddos)
Unconditional
(Naruto x reader) // 2.8k words
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It wasn’t fair.
That’s all you could think whenever you visited. How it was so cruel of the universe to rob you of a family before you could even know them, to take them from you so violently and leave behind nothing but a grave and an old, faded photograph. You ran your finger over the weathered page and traced the outline of your mother’s face for the millionth time, trying to recall it in its full beauty but it was useless, you’d only been months old when they’d passed. The photo you held in your hand was the only they’d manage to take with the three of you before it had happened, and as such it was your most prized possession. It never left your pocket, and every night it stayed tucked safely under your pillow waiting to be retrieved the next morning.
As a result your parents' faces we’re starting to fade, the blonde of your father’s wispy hair now a milky white and the smile lines that used to be so clear around your mother’s mouth were now impossible to make out without the knowledge that they’d been there previously. In between the two of them was you, just an infant in your mother’s arms as your father stood with his arms around her beaming at the camera. They looked so proud, so happy. So ignorant of the terrible fate they would face only a few short weeks later.
Unable to bear the yearning any longer, you folded the picture and placed it back in your pocket, wiping away the tears that had begun to fall down your face and sniffling softly. You placed down the flowers you brought for the visit and looked at the stone marking that bore their names one last time.
“See ya mom and dad,” you whispered. “I’ll be back next week.”
Then you rose and made your way out of the cemetery, walking back in the direction of your grandfather's house. He was a good man. Kind and dedicated as any father, selfless enough to save you from the fate shared by so many of Konoha’s orphans that were made that night. But as much as you loved and appreciated him for all he did… it wasn’t the same.
You remembered the day of your academy graduation, it was the greatest day of your life so far. Finally being recognized as a shinobi who could protect the village and stop an attack like the one that killed your parents from ever happening again. That had been your goal since your grandfather had told you the truth about your parents death years ago now. About the nine tails and it’s vicious rampage. He had always valued honesty, and knowing you’d find out the truth sooner or later he felt he had an obligation to be forthright. Though, for a 6 year old he could have spared some of the details.
At first it made things a little easier. Your parents had died protecting the village, they were heroes. But as the years drew on and the absence of your guardians seemed less and less admirable, your comfort was slowly replaced by a burning rage. How could they allow this to happen? The elders, the Hokage?! All the people who were supposed to protect the village first and still your parents had died. Just two chunin with a budding family.
For a time you were in a dark place, especially for someone so young. Not that it was especially uncommon in the world around you for children to face such hardships… But you’d become very closed off. Barely speaking and worrying your grandfather beyond belief. Luckily though, things changed when you started at the academy! When you met that bright-eyed boy with the goofy smile who was always getting himself into mischief, and who didn’t let the village’s seemingly unwarranted hatred of him ever dim his infectiously positive personality. Naruto was the one who convinced you to let go of your anger and look towards a better future, you felt like you owed him everything. Though you never broached the subject of missing your own parents, you thought that would be insensitive considering he didn’t even have a grandfather to care for him, he knew and empathized with the basics of your situation.
When your grandfather saw the friend you had made at school he was shocked. The nine tails jinchuriki that housed the demon who killed his daughter and her husband, who had left their child orphaned and so lonely he had to rock them to bed countless nights following yet another nightmare — standing right in his kitchen. It broke his heart honestly, how innocent the young boy looked. He could hardly believe that such a monster was trapped inside of him. What stitched his broken muscle back together though was the look on your face, the way you laughed around the rambunctious genin and joked with him like a normal kid. After so many years of watching you confine yourself to the sidelines it brought him so much joy to see you make a real friend. So he didn’t say anything, he let the two of you grow closer and fed Naruto from his own pantry, all the while dreading the moment you two would have to face the secret he was keeping.
Blissfully ignorant of the complicated predicament you continued walking down the roads of the village, still feeling blue from the weekly visit to your parents grave when you heard a bright voice ring out from behind you.
“Hey, (y/n)! Wait up!” the familiar voice of your best friend called, causing you to turn. Naruto’s signature grin was plastered across his face as he waved you down excitedly and ran to catch up with you.
“Whatcha doin’?” he panted.
You looked back in the direction you came and thought of your mother and father. For a second you wanted to tell your friend everything, just fall into his arms and cry about how much you missed them. But that wouldn’t be fair. So you shrugged and put on your best fake smile to answer simply, “Just hanging out.”
The corner of his mouth twitched a little at the way you hesitated but he only missed a beat, jumping into his next question with confidence.
“Cool! Do you wanna come to Ichiraku’s with me? Iruka sensei gave me enough money for both of us, dattebayo!”
He beamed expectantly at you, waiting for you to agree but in your current mood you didn’t feel like you’d be the best dinner company, opting instead to refuse politely.
“Uh, that’s okay. I’m not feeling very well actually, but thanks anyway,” you muttered and turned to keep walking. “Maybe you should ask Sakura.”
Just as you’d taken your first step you felt a warm hand grab onto your own. When you whipped around to ask what he was doing Naruto’s sparkling eyes were inches from your own, concern obvious in their cerulean surface as he pursed his lips in a scowl.
“We’re supposed to be friends,” he reminded you. “I know when you’re lying you know.”
You smiled in spite of your low mood and gave his hand a quick squeeze before letting go.
“I wasn’t lying completely,” you defended. “I’m not feeling very well.”
He tried one more time, raising his eyebrows and holding his hands out in a shrug. “Well enough for ramen?”
“Not today,” you chuckled, shaking your head.
“Well at least let me hang out with you,” he offered, stepping beside you as you tried to walk away. “I can’t leave my best friend feeling like crap and go enjoy ramen by myself!”
Your protest was caught on your lips as he took hold of your hand once more and began dragging you behind him.
“C’mon! I know just where to go.”
You frowned but let him guide you along anyway, secretly relieved he hadn’t let you walk away to continue stewing in your thoughts by your lonesome.
By the time you got to the academy the sun was beginning to set, the glowing orb on the horizon painting the sky a series of warm oranges and reds. Your grandfather would assume you were just out having fun with your friend, which was half true anyway, so you didn’t worry about getting home. You didn’t really want to be there anyway, surrounded by all their mementos and reminders.
Naruto led you around the fence, his hand still gripped to your hand tightly until he released it to throw his arms out in a proud show.
“Well,” he stated, “we’re here!” He motioned dramatically to the small swing that was tied up to the tree beside you, hesitating only slightly when he saw the confusion painted on your face.
“It’s one of my favourite places. I come here when I’m feeling sad… I thought it might help you.”
He ruffled the hair at the nape of his neck sheepishly, his usually exuberant voice now hushed to a gentle tone just louder than a whisper. Without a second thought you rushed forward and wrapped him up in a bear hug.
“Thank you, Naruto,” you whispered, and then left him blushing as you sat down on the swing.
He followed your lead and propped himself against the tree at your side, staying uncharacteristically quiet as you pushed yourself off with a foot to start a slow swing. After just a few minutes though his restlessness got the best of him and he spoke.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
And when you looked over at him, the boy that had changed that way you saw your own misfortune and motivated you to stay strong, for the first time in what felt like your whole life you actually did want to talk about it. He knew what it was like, to grow up without the love of a mother or father. All of the heartache and longing. Who better to open up to? So you told him everything you knew. Every small detail you could remember from the stories you’d been told about them, each special memory your family had forged before their deaths. Before long though you had run out of the borrowed recollections and all that was left was the last story that had been shared with you. Their deaths. You recounted the night of the attack like you were there, and it felt like you had been given the amount of times you’d played a version of it in your head based on your grandfather’s retelling. Your voice got more strained with each sentence, the weight of your emotions causing it to sound thick and you kept your eyes trained on the space ahead of you, completely unaware of the way the boy beside you was reacting just as strongly to your words. Of the way he shrank back and winced at the vitriol in your tone when you mentioned the demon inside of him. When the tale was finished you sighed and studied your shoes.
“... I miss them of course. So much,” you trailed off, gazing over at the sun which was now barely visible over the horizon. “But I’m glad the nine tails is gone at least. And we’ll become great shinobi to make sure it never attacks again, right?” You let out a breathy laugh through your tears and wiped them away with the back of your hand as you turned your head to look at Naruto.
Finally, you noticed the pained expression on your friend's face and you instantly regretted venting about your parents, of course he would be upset being reminded of his own. The apology was already on the tip of your tongue when he muttered his response.
“It’s not gone. It’s right in front of you,” he told you as he averted his gaze and shook his head, kicking dejectedly at the dirt.
His words seemed to slow down time. The colour drained from your face and you shook your head in response, refusing to believe the truth you had ignored for so long. Grandfather had said the demon was sealed far away, somewhere secure where it couldn’t be used as a weapon again. He lied, you realized with horror, feeling a rush of shame at how willingly you had accepted his excuse.
“What do you mean?” you asked, voice shaking.
He finally looked up at you and you saw the tears that had begun to gather at his lower lash line glistening in the moonlight. Before he could even say it the puzzle pieces were arranging themselves in your mind, everything starting to make sense after so many years of trying not to understand. Why the villagers looked at him like he was a ticking time bomb, why no one but you and a scarce few other children were allowed near him. It had been so clear but you didn’t want to see it.
“I mean that I’m the jinchuriki, (y/n)!” he admitted with a pained yell. “I’m the monster that destroyed the village! It’s sealed inside me!”
The tears that had welled in his ocean eyes finally spilled over and his face scrunched up as he squeezed them shut in an attempt to stop their fall. He hadn’t felt this way since he’d learned his dark secret himself that night with Iruka. But here, having heard again first hand the pain he’d brought to you and surely dozens of other families… it was like he was finding out all over again.
The combination of the shocking realization and the sight of your truest friend breaking down, someone who had always seemed so bright and strong despite his countless struggles broke the last straw of resistance in your heart and a sob clawed its way out from deep within your chest. He let out a moan and covered his face with his arm.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” he repeated, sounding like a remorseful child. Which, you supposed, he was.
And that realization, of all things, was what caught the next sob in your throat. He was just a child. A lonely one, who had lost even more than you and dealt with the repercussions of a decision that was made for him before he could even understand it himself. Your heart panged at the thought of the picture folded in your back pocket, the one of you as a baby, so small and fragile. Naruto would’ve been even younger when the Kyuubi was sealed, just barely born. You could hardly imagine it.
Through the sound of his quiet crying he didn’t notice the creak of the swing as you rose from your seat, only removing his sleeve from over his eyes when he felt your arms wrapping around him as you pulled him into a warm, and what you hoped was a comforting embrace.
“You’re not a monster,” you asserted plainly, the quiver in your voice balanced slightly by a new assuredness.
He sniffled, “I might as well be. I killed your parents.”
The words felt like a knife to the stomach but you ignored the pain that threatened to overwhelm and looked straight into his sad eyes, trying your hardest to let the sincerity of your next words show plain on your face.
“No you didn’t.” You poked his stomach and continued, “he did, and you’re not him. You’re not a monster or a demon or a threat. You’re Naruto… you’re my friend.”
He pulled you in close and buried his face in your hair, his arms squeezing tight around you. You could feel the wet of his tears on your neck and you were pretty sure he was getting snot all over the shoulder of your shirt, but it hardly mattered. Shirts could be replaced, people like him couldn’t.
"Thank you.”
As much as it hurt to finally know the truth it was freeing in a way you hadn’t expected. You’d finally shared your last secret with your friend, and in return he had trusted you with something so damning he had expected you to scream at him, to jump him right there and then and take out all those years of anger on him. But there wasn’t any anger, not towards him at least. There weren’t any more questions or paralyzing paranoia that one day the monster that ruined your life would come back unexpectedly. Naruto was safe, and good. If anyone could suppress the evil contained in the nine tails chakra it was him.
After the two of you had finished crying yourselves out, the catharsis of your confessions leaving you feeling relieved but exhausted, you let out a long sigh and turned to the boy at your side.
“You still up for Ichiraku’s?” you asked with a smirk.
A wide grin spread across his face and he jumped to his feet, his normal cheerfulness back quicker than you could say “shinobi” at the mention of his favourite restaurant.
“Duh!”
A delighted giggle bubbled over your lips and you let him pull you to your feet before he rushed off ahead of you.
“Last one there has to pay next time!”
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