Sirius-This is my best friend
Regulus-Oh haha you should hide him from me if u don't want me to flirt with him
Sirius -He's older than you?
Regulus-He don't gotta know that
Sirius-He's literally right here listening
*James making heart eyes at reg*
Regulus- We don't gotta tell anyone bbg
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Sirius: Well I wasn't raised to be polite.
Y/N: You weren't raised at all.
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Mary: *holding a bottle* is this whiskey or perfume?
Lily: *chugs entire bottle*
Lily: it's perfume
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13-year-old Sirius: You know what, I think it's time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first and then you.
12-year-old Regulus: Okay.
[downstairs]
Walburga: What do you want for breakfast?
Sirius: I'll have Cocoa Puffs, bitch.
Walburga: Go to your room!
Walburga, to Regulus: And what do you want?
Regulus: Dunno but it won't be fucking Cocoa Puffs.
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walburga: you’re not good enough for my son
remus: you’re not good enough for your son
walburga: excuse me?
remus: you heard me.
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Remus: James have you ever won an argument with Regulus.
James: We never argue. He speaks French and I shut up.
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*James, bringing Regulus home to meet his parents*
Regulus, seeing Monty and realizing James will always be hot no matter his age: thank the lord
Effie, seeing the same look she had when she met Monty’s parents for the first time: amen
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Harry: *finds a stray cat*
Harry: Can we keep it?
Regulus: Your dad is allergic.
Harry: Father can stay outside.
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Remus: James… why do you have bite marks on your arms?
James: *sweating nervously* OH- oh, Urm I was babysitting my little cousin and- and he bites. haha.
Remus: *raises one eyebrow*
Sirius: *sympathetic* That sucks mate. Reggie was a fucking biter too- reckon I’ve still got scars from the little shit.
James: *quietly squeaks*
Remus: *raises the other eyebrow*
James: … I’ve got to go *absolutely bolts*
Sirius: what was that about?
Remus: *sighs* It would appear that you and James have the same cousin.
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Barty: You slept with Potter?
Regulus: I didn’t know what else to do! He had those big, sad eyes. I couldn’t help it!
Evan: …sure, sounds like you had no other choice
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James: I’ve got a question to ask you
Regulus: as long as it’s not “will you marry me”
James: *silence
Regulus: wait
Regulus: was it?
Regulus: was it “will you marry me”
James: Well I’m not going to ask now
Regulus: no! Restart!
James: moments gone
Regulus: then bring it back!
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Remus: why is Regulus rolling on the floor laughing? And what happened to James's head?
Sirius: *sighs* James was about to hit his head on the door frame, so I told him to duck and he quacked at me.
Sirius: and then he hit his head.
Remus: *wheezes*
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Remus, talking to Sirius on the phone: did you preheat the oven like i told you to?
Sirius: you bet!
Remus: at what temperature?
Sirius: 535
Remus: that's the clock
Sirius:
Remus:
Sirius: 536
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James: How did you get your brother to co-operate with you?
Sirius: I threatened to reveal his dark secret.
James: Which is what?
Sirius: I have no idea, I was bluffing, but it must be something horrible.
James *nervous sweating*:
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Falling asleep in the dorms…
“Sirius?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t think I like Evans anymore.”
“Shit mate, took you long enough.”
“Heh. Yeah.”
…
“Sirius?”
“Yeah, Prongs?”
“I might like boys. Also. Like as well as girls.”
“Join the club, Prongs. Just stay the fuck away from Moony.”
“Noted.”
…
“Sirius?”
“Yeah, mate?”
“What if I like a particular bloke?”
“…it’s not me, is it? Because Moony would probably kill you.”
“No.”
….
“Sirius?”
“Yes, Prongs?”
“It’s your brother.”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“Yeah, I was just fucking with you before.”
“Right.”
…
“Sirius?”
“Yes Prongs?”
“That’s…it’s okay?”
“Yes, James. I’d rather it be you than anyone else, to be honest.”
“Alright.”
…
“Sirius?”
“Go the fuck to sleep, Prongs. We’ll come up with a plan to woo him tomorrow.”
“Alright.”
….
“James?”
“What’s up, Padfoot?”
“Take care of him, alright?”
“…..yeah. Yeah, of course.”
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Remus, whispering to the phone: Where. Are. You. Reg?! This place is fancy and I don't know which fork to kill myself with!
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