Tim: Trees live underground and use the above-ground part as a snorkel.
Duke: I fucking guess.
629 notes
·
View notes
Shinichi: I love murder mysteries.
Kaito, trying to impress Shinichi: I've been a suspect in several murder cases.
198 notes
·
View notes
S/I: No, no. These are horrors beyond your comprehension. I understand them, though. I desire them carnally.
154 notes
·
View notes
Davey: Jellyfish have been living for over 600000 years without brains
Jack: A ray of hope for Race then
75 notes
·
View notes
Moon: I’m gonna kill you!
Eclipse: Seriously? I’ve died so many times that my tombstone says BRB instead of RIP.
65 notes
·
View notes
poppy: i tried to send my stressed out boyfriend a supportive message about how smart and talented he is but my idiot fingers only typed out “youre snart” before hitting send
86 notes
·
View notes
Mhin: Hey, Leander.
Leander: Yeah?
Mhin: *dabs*
Leander: ?!
Mhin: No one will ever believe you.
Leander: ...
Leander: You sick bastard!
87 notes
·
View notes
Lute: your future self is talking shit about you right now.
Adam: jokes on him. I’ll ruin his fucking life.
48 notes
·
View notes
Thad: *Sneezes*
V, in the vents: Bless you.
Thad: God?
46 notes
·
View notes
Michael: If black and green means radioactive... black and red mean edgy, and black and blue means futuristic...
Michael: What does black and yellow mean?
Funtime Freddy: According to all known laws of aviation-
Michael:
43 notes
·
View notes
Kris:I'm full of rage,but in a very chill and nonchalant way.
34 notes
·
View notes
Shinichi, after briefing another one of his insane plans: Thoughts?
Shiho: And prayers. Holy shit.
75 notes
·
View notes
At Miss Pauling's birthday party
Sniper: Why was she born so beautiful, why was she born at all? Because she had no say in it, no say in it at all!
Miss Pauling and the other mercs: *confused existential horror*
Sniper: Do you not sing this in other countries?
Engineer: No, we do not sing a lament for someone’s personal beauty wishing they’d never been born. That is some weird Greek tragedy shit.
46 notes
·
View notes
Alien F/O: Hello, I come in peace.
S/I: Bro, wtf an alien.
Alien F/O: Yeah, totally.
S/I: Dude, that is awesome. How can I totally be of assistance?
Alien F/O: Take me to your lizards.
S/I: ...
S/I: Do you mean leader?
Alien F/O: *hands S/I a satellite image of a T-Rex* Nah bro, take me to your lizards.
S/I: Bro...... you just...... I'm sorry bro...... you just missed um man...... you just barely missed them.
41 notes
·
View notes
Eddie: Life is a party and I’m the piñata.
41 notes
·
View notes
Moon: *holding a deck of cards* Pick a card, any card.
Moon: …
Moon: Put my debit card back into my wallet, Eclipse.
55 notes
·
View notes