#like damn you don’t even pay rent and you wanna keep making me sad and shit

[ziamxlifestyle]

I called myself out on this one fam 🧍🏻‍♀️

#buddie #byler #newtmas #stucky #sambucky #wolfstar #anderperry #911 fox #stranger things #911onfox #the falcon and the winter soldier #captain america and the white wolf #okay but why does shipping cause so much mental health damage #like damn you don’t even pay rent and you wanna keep making me sad and shit #then when the ship doesn’t become canon your mind say 😀🔫 #gay ships #lgbtq ships #non cannon #non canon ships

[moemoemammon]

yay! requests are open! y'know that thing where the s/o being so weak for their partner? I wanted to request the demon bros being weak for their s/o? does that make sense?

like, for example, MC would pout a little, and say 'pwease 🥺' and the demon bros would be like, 'yes, go on, what do you want from me? would you like my-' they'd just be so weak for mc.

I hope that makes sense! also, if it's too much characters, you can just do mammon and satan :) thank you ;3

Their One Weakness: MC!

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

Lucifer is known as the cruel eldest of the brothers. A sadist whose word is law, whose will can only be bent by Lord Diavolo himself. And yet since you came to the Devildom, all you ever seemed to do was the opposite of what he asked. Yet he still came to love you. He wonders if he spoils you too much...

Especially when you always seem to get your way one way or another. When you proposed the chaotic idea of a massive get together between the House of Lamentation and Purgatory Hall, Lucifer immediately said no. It’d be way too noisy and he had things to do.

But THEN... You fixed him with those damn EYES of yours.... The big eyes filled with sparkles and hopes that pleaded to him.... stop staring at him with them big ol eyes-

Lucifer REFUSES to acknowledge how cute you are when you look at him like that. Well, verbally anyway. You look like a kicked puppy...and he loves puppies...

"............I suppose if we prepare right now and get a dinner menu ready, it could be possible. And if you pout any harder you might pull a muscle, and I doubt I could explain that to Lord Diavolo. Now, go tell the others what you have planned."

Mammon

Mammon is practically the biggest MC simp in the world. You always occupy his thoughts any time of the day. 'Oh, MC would probably like one of these'. 'MC's always eatin' this for lunch. I'll grab one.' 'This would be way less borin' if MC were around...'

But as the Tsundere 🤢 king of the Devildom, there's no way he'll admit to any of that! So what if he's head over heels for you?! That doesn't mean he's gonna be all weak in the knees the moment you-

Wait, you're saying that because he lost a bet yesterday and promised he'd take you out to Ristorante Six and pay for the whole thing, now he's gotta pay up?!?! No way! He doesn't remember what you're talking about, and that voice recording you've got on your phone is clearly fake!

Mammon's dead set on weaseling out of his promise, until you freeze him in place with your pouty face... then you hit him with a "please..?" and the Avatar of Greed swears he might die right then and there.

"Tch..! Damn it, I ain't got a choice when ya look at me like that!!! What're ya playin' at, pulling' my heartstrings like that?! Hurry up and get dressed so we can go! A-and ya better eat your fill, too!"

Levi

The founder of the top secret MC Cult Fanclub, there's not much that could keep Levi from becoming putty in your hands. He's used to idolizing the objects of his affection, and you're no exception!

So when it comes to bending to your will, he's definitely the easiest. Except when it comes to n-...normie stuff...

Seriously, do you think someone like HIM should be going to The Fall?!?! No way! Not in a million, billion, trillion years!!!! You shouldn't get him to go to that crowded club even if you dragged him there!!!

Then... you hit him with the cute act... You declare your loyalty to him as his beloved Henry, fixing him with a pleading look that shoots him straight through the heart, and... GAH, HE'S GOT NO CHOICE!!!!!

"At... at least help me choose something to wear..! I don't know how I'm supposed to dress for normie stuff like this!!! Aaah... I wanna stay home, b-but when you say something like that, I just can't win-!"

Satan

Satan openly admits to how he likes to spoil you. It's cute seeing how big your grin becomes when he gives you something you wanted, and how happy you are when he takes you out for the evening.

But there are some things even he doesn't want to do, like when you suggest going to a chess tournament with Lucifer. You've been pressured by Lucifer wanting to attend, but figured it'd be easier to sit through with someone else. So why not Satan, who'd mentioned liking chess?

Yeah... he'd go if Lucifer weren't involved. As much as he'd love to go and pull some strings to ruin the match for the dear eldest, he's got something else planned involving a well timed glue bomb and Lucifer's study. So he'll pass.

Or so he thought, until you started poking your fingers together and mentioned how you'd hoped you could both enjoy it together. Kind of like a date..? Gah, his heart and its weakness for unconventional dates-!!!!

"...I... suppose I could go. It’d be nice to study how Lucifer plays, so I can finally beat him. Don't you think the look on his face will be priceless? And if you're there as well, I'll be able to stomach watching his face for an hour."

Asmo

Asmo LOVES you more than aaanyone!! There's no one who loves you more, you know? Why, he wants to involve you in every aspect of his life, and actively tries to do just that! He's even tried dragging you into the tub with him a few times...

And when it comes to spoiling you, he loves it! He's always the one being spoiled, so it makes him giddy when he can give a little back. If there's anything you want from him, just tell him and he'll make it happen!

Eh? You want to play fangol? With HIM?? Um... pass. You know he just got his nails done, right? Asmo's not really a fan of running around with a ball and getting knocked to the ground, so... no thanks! ❤️

Wait, don't make that face! What're you looking so glum for?? He'll kiss your sadness away, and- Eh?! You don't want a kiss?? You really wanna play THAT badly?????

"....You really don't have me mistaken for Beel, right..? You really want to play with ME? ...Haaaah, fine! I'll play one game with you, and in exchange, you have to spend all of tomorrow with moi! Sounds good, right~? Now let me see if Satan will let me borrow some of his clothes...urgh..."

Beel

As a 'go with the flow' guy, there's not much Beel won't do with you, even if it's not really something he's interested in. As long as he has you around and a surplus of snacks, he's fine with anything.

Until you suggest going to Majolish to try on some stylish outfits. You mention how Beel wears variations of the same thing all the time, so it's time for an update! He thinks you're spending too much time with Asmo...

Beel isn't really into tight, itchy, stiff fabrics like the 'stylish' things they sell at Majolish, and decides he'd much rather go to Hell's Kitchen instead. He's hungry. Are you hungry?

'Stop changing the subject'? Ah.. damn it 😔 Wait, now you're saying you just wanted to buy fancy outfits because you were planning to take him to Ristorante Six?! You can't tell if he's blushing over your consideration or the idea of food, but now Beel's looking through the clothes with earnest.

"I didn't know you were the winner of that 'all you can eat' coupon lottery. When I didn't win I was pretty upset, but I'm glad to know it was you. Even if these clothes are weird, I'll wear them. Can you pick something good for me?"

Belphie

Belphie likes to spoil you in more subtle ways, instead of simping as hard as his brothers. He's still as much of a sucker for you as they are though, much to his dismay. All you have to do is smile and you've got him wrapped around your gross human finger.

But when you mention wanting to go biking with Lord Diavolo and wanting him to come along, Belphie suddenly discovers that his ears don't work anymore. Anyway, goodnight-

Hey, stop poking him like that. Can't you see an deaf man is trying to sleep here?? And what's with that face..? You're pouting so hard you look like you're going to explode. It's cute, but Belphie can close his eyes an not see it.

But then you scoot into bed with him and hold him from behind, and the sleepy demon starts feeling his resolve crumble. You have some dirty tactics, huh..? Getting all cozy with him just because he's got a soft spot for you...

"...............Why Diavolo of all people..? I'd prefer anyone over him. Ugh... Hey, they still rent out those two person bikes, don't they? I'll only go if I can ride on that with you. I'll sit right behind you and cheer you on, okay? ..What's with that look? I'm joking...maybe."

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me! #obey me! shall we date? #shall we date? obey me! #shall we date obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me writing #obey me imagines #obey me scenarios #obey me fanfic #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie

[seongwhy]

ateez if a curvier girl liked them

disclaimer!! i am 100% sure these boys would like you for you and not for how many curves you have. you are beautiful no matter what !!! as a curvier girl myself, writing this made me happy hehe

seonghwa

let’s be honest. seonghwa loves curvy girls

i mean he loves all girls, but smth abt a curvy lady gets him going

so imagine his face when a curvy girl likes him !!!!!

you’d tell him “seonghwa... u kinda cute doe” and he’d be like😳😃

he’s had his eye on you for a while

he jus luvs your personality and your humour

and your curves

tbh he’s snuck a glance every now and then

you’d bend down to grab the tv remote and suddenly he’s blushing and thinking of everything he’d do to u omg

or you’d wear a crop top and sit down and your belly might show a lil bit and he melts in his seat

all he wants is to feel ur pretty body

but .. unfortunately u didn’t think that he would like you

you thought that he only had his eye out for the slimmer girls, but that was simply not true queen

so it took u a sec to confess your feelings for him

but once you did you were so surprised at his response

“hey seonghwa, i know that you probably don’t think the same but like i rlly think ur cute and funny and pretty and i rlly like u but i know i’m not rlly ur type and like that’s fine-“

“wait!!! u like me”

“i like u too !!!!!!! who tf told u that ur not my type bc i will beat them up ur gorgeous who told u that >:((((“

and u explain to him that it was just ur brain and he says Never to think that about yourself !!!! bc you are beautiful !!!!

and then ur both just uwu in love with each other and he’s in love w ur curves and ur in love with his chicken legs and it’s amazing and wonderful and you’re so happy you said something bc otherwise you wouldn’t have found the love of ur life :’)

hongjoong

hongjoong is Obsessed

obsessed w your thighs and your tummy and your booty

when u tell him u like him he’s not only like “holy shit i like you too” he’s imagining alllllll the things he can do w u and ur curves

when u first start going out and dating and such it’s great it’s amazing he makes you laugh and you feel beautiful bc he makes you feel beautiful

but when you start opening up to him about your insecurities you thought things would change

but they didn’t !!!!!!!! he started loving u harder

and every day since that first time you cried in his arms he tells you you’re beautiful

“hi honey u look gorgeous”

“baby !!!!! i love that dress on you”

“hey bb, since i can’t see you today i’m just letting u know that you’re beautiful !! and i love and miss you !!!!”

“there’s my fav tummy!!”

he will not Stop telling you how beautiful u are you’re not complaining

he thinks ur a queen and he treats you like one

he loves all of you. all the cellulite and all the curves and all dimples

and he’s not shy abt it either ;)

yunho

ok listen up sweeties

yunho doesn’t rlly pay attention to figure

i mean ofc he LOves your body and he thinks you’re beautiful

but he would not like you if not for your personality

which is absolutely amazing

and so he doesn’t rlly understand when you tell him that you don’t wanna eat that ice cream or the pizza

he thinks you’re beautiful (bc you are) so why don’t u think you’re beautiful too ??????

why won’t u eat w him ????

why wont you take ur shirt off in front of him ???

so one day he brings u mcdonald’s and a shamrock milkshake yummy!!!!

and he sits down w u and watches you try and do everything but eat

so he stops u and looks at u and tells u everything you’ve ever wanted to hear

“babe plz eat in front of me... i think your body is beautiful and i think you’re beautiful and i would not buy u food if i didn’t think so”

and u know this is true bc yunho loves his food and his own shamrock shakes

so u smile at him and lay in his arms and u eat that damn burger!!!!!!

he makes all your insecurities go away

he loves u so much u literally can’t breathe

he’s always hugging you and feeling you up and wrapping his huge arms around u

and he makes u so comfy with yourself

and you love him

and he loves u

yeosang

ok yeosang loves u

and u know it he lowkey highkey makes it obvious

everytime you walk in he either 1) gets all blushy and stops talking mid sentence

“dude!!! stop destroying my fucking hous- uh uh h-hi y/ n”

i don’t actually know what they do in fortnite but if u do and this is wrong just imagine minecraft instead

or 2) he tries to be all tuff and show off

“oh hey y/n” he says as he casually rolls up his sleeve and stretches

but what he Doesn’t know is that u like him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he thinks ur waaaaaay our of his league

i mean just take a look at u!!! ur thighs ur belly ur boobiez

p e r f e c t i o n

but one day he accidentally walks in on you and seonghwa talking (he thinks u like seonghwa)

and he hears u like “idk seong he’s really cute and so nice to me and such an angel... also have u seen dem arms doe !!”

and What The Heck

yeosang cannot believe it

u???? the girl of his DREAm s ??? likes HIM ???

and what do u know when he hears that he suddenly can’t keep his balance and trips right over

over what exactly ?? his dignity

and he falls right in front of u and seonghwa

seonghwa just snickers and laughs and leave the room

yeosang just stares at u for a moment before getting up and just staring at u some more

“uh yeosang?? u good”

“h a hah yeah .. i’m good”

“ok. did u hear the part where i said i think you’re cute”

“. yes i did y-es”

“ok. do u like me too”

“uh y-yeah i uh yes”

“ok. get over here dummy”

“👁👄👁”

san

ok we all know san

this weirdo

this secs ee mf that gives zero fucks

haha mmmm

^^^^ that’s what he’s like every time u walk by

idk it’s getting late i’m tired plz don’t judge

when he sees u he’s all like hehehbajsbs ajdosndbdniejn ùwú

but externally he’s like heh he h wassup

and he makes hand gestures at u like outlining ur curvy body

and winking at u

and let’s be honest he may or may not have slapped dat ass a few times

and even though it’s kinda nasty u kinda like it

u know he means well and it’s just one way he shows his love and appreciation for u

and he wouldn’t do it if you told him no !!! consent is key

and u consent bc u like the way he gets slightly flustered everytime he does it

eventually u have to give in one day bc he’s been teasing you long enough

so one day ur walking by him and he smacks ur dump truck and u spin around and grab his arm and pull him up to ur chest

and he’s like HUH

and ur like hi sannie

and he’s like “h-hi”

AND THEN U KISS HIM

AND HE LOVES IT

and he’s feeling u up and he sits you down and pulls him into his lap

and ur scared that ur too much for that

so when u start pulling away he’s like “NO I LIKE U HERE STAY U LOOK SO ORETTY SITTING ON ME”

and u giggle and stay

and then more kissing and cuddling and loving

and he makes u laugh and feel good

and u make him happy and so excited all the time

and it’s sooo good omg he luvs allllll of u so much

mingi

i may have a soft spot for this man

he’s jus so weird and funky

but he’s so cute like idk

don’t tell seonghwa

ANYWAY

those are your exact thoughts abt him too

your relationship was always like....there was tension there

ofc u always thought abt him

and he always thought abt u

u lived in his head rent free

ur curves and dimples and amazing bodyodyody

accompanied w ur amazing personality!!! what could he not love

so when u became friends he was already obsessed w u

he’s always whiny and needy for ur attention

when the boys are there he’s like “😎😈💪🦵”

BUT WHEN YOURE THERE

he does a full 180

his voice goes from deep and scruffy to all soft

the boys clown him for it

but he doesn’t care

he sends u memes all the time

he texts you every day

at first it was an occasional hey wsp and now it’s like “good morning!! how’d u sleep” “hey bb girl wanna go get boba” “u looked rlly good today”

it makes ur heart flutter

and when he started calling u baby girl in PERSON

U DIED

and tbh he didn’t mean to say it the first time it just slipped out BUT he loved the way it made u blush and look down and cross your legs a lil

so he just couldn’t stop saying it

eventually the reaction u had went down a lil bc u got used to it

and that was when he decided he needed to do more

so eventually he got up the courage on a boba date to stop u and sit u down on a bench

and when u were like yes what is it mango

it took him a sec bc u looked so PRETTY in your dress

your thighs crossed and the way your boobies sat in it

he couldn’t help but stare (respectfully)

and u were like HELLo

and he cleared his throat and was like “ur really pretty”

and u blushed and covered yourself w ur arms

and he was like No >:( ur gorgeous and took your hands in his

and kissed them and kissed your arm all the way up to ur face

and he kissed your cheeks and was like these cheeks are so cute

and kissed ur nose and was like i love your nose

and then ur lips

and he didn’t have to say anything for you to know he loved your lips just as much as he loved your everything else

wooyoung

okay if i thought hongjoong was obsessed .

wooyoung is a whole other story

as soon as u step into the room ur the only one that matters

he would stop answering the boys

he would only be looking at you

trying his best to make u laugh it works

bc he loves the way your face lights up when u smile

and how your body shakes when u laugh

and he loves talking to u

abt anything and everything

so he becomes your very best friend

and when u get comfortable to share your insecurities with him he gets so sad and mad

he gets so ANGERY

he’s like WHO SAID THAT WHY WOULD U THINK THAT U ARE AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND AKSJDJAJFJAKL

and one day ur ranting to him about something SOME DUMB ASS BOY said to u in class

AND HES LIKE I WILL BEAT HIM UP NO ONE TALKS TO MY BABY LIKE THAT

and ur like 😳 “y-your baby?”

and he’s like oh fuck fuck fuck fuck

he starts to apologize and ramble

and u just giggle

he’s like ??????

and ur like “i’ll be your baby wooyoungie”

“if you’ll be mine too”

AND HE CANNOT BELIEVE

he runs up to u and picks u up and spins u around and he kisses u and he’s like MY BABY

“dats ma baby and aint nobody finna touch em”

^^ that’s what he’s like w u

and he’s so happy youre his and he’s yours

cuz now he gets all your curves to himself hehehehehehehehehe

jongho

jongho is such a softie

especially for u

he melts everytime he sees your soft skin and your pretty face

he tries really hard to be all tuff around u

but it never pans out

bc he’s so in luv w how pretty you are

in his mind u are the most perfect person ever

he lets u vent to him abt anything

he likes to talk to u abt everything

deep or not

and one day you’re like “hey jongho, i’ve never heard u talk abt a girl before”

and he goes all blushy and is like ha ha i uh i guess u haven’t

and u ask if he has a crush

and he goes even redder

and ur like “U DO OMG TELL KE ABT HER”

sooooo he does

“well she really pretty and has such a kind heart and beautiful eyes and an amazing smile and the prettiest curves i’ve been talking to her for a while and she makes me so happy”

“she’s so gorgeous but she doesn’t think so and it makes me really angry i just wanna tell her she’s beautiful”

and ur like “awww just tell her then! she’ll love hearing that from you” oblivious mf

so jongho sits up straight and looks u right in the eyes and says “ok then. you’re beautiful y/n”

you’re eyes go wide and u open ur mouth to say smth but nothing comes out

so u just hug him

and he wraps his arms around u and says “it’s true, you’re so beautiful”

and u just hug him tighter

and the night is perfect :,)

and he’s perfect

and he’s so grateful u asked him that question

#seonghwa #ateez #mingi #yunho #wooyoung #ateez fluff #hongjoong #yeosang #jongho #ateez scenarios #kpop #san

[snelbz]

What Happens In Vegas... {6}

An A Court of Thorns and Roses, Feyre x Rhysand, Modern AU, fanfiction.

Summary: For Feyre’s twenty-first birthday, her best friend took her to Las Vegas for a weekend of fun she could never forget. She’s going home with a lot more than memories.

@snelbz​ / @tacmc​ collab

What Happens In Vegas Masterlist

Fanfiction Masterlist

My Ask Box

“Hey.” Rhys padded down the stairs seven hours later, wearing a towel wrapped around his waist. He’d slicked his wet hair back and his tattoos were displayed to perfection, defining his lean torso and muscular arms. There was a lot of skin on show. The man was a visual feast. I made a conscious effort to keep my tongue inside my head. Keeping the welcoming grin off my face was beyond my abilities. I’d planned to play it cool so as not to spook him. That plan had failed.

“Whatcha doin’?” he asked.

“Nothing much. There was a delivery for you.” I pointed to the bags and boxes waiting by the door. All day, I’d pondered the problem of us. The only thing I’d come up with was that I didn’t want our time to end. I didn’t want to sign those annulment papers. Not yet. The idea made me want to start puking all over again. I wanted to try with Rhys. I wanted to be with him. I needed a new plan.

The pad of my thumb rubbed over my bottom lip, back and forth, back and forth. I’d gone for a long walk up the beach earlier, watching the waves crash on the shore and reliving that kiss. Over and over again, I’d played it inside my mind. The same went for our conversations. In fact, I’d picked apart every moment of our time together, explored every nuance. Every moment I could remember, anyway, and I’d tried damn hard to remember all of it.

“A delivery?” He crouched down beside the closest package and started tearing at the wrapping. I averted my eyes before I caught a glimpse up his towel, despite being wildly curious.

“Would you mind if I used your phone?” I asked.

“Feyre, you don’t need to ask. Help yourself to whatever.”

“Thanks.” Joey and my folks were probably freaking out, wondering what was going on. It was time to brave up to the butt-picture repercussions. I groaned on the inside.

“This one’s for you.” He handed me a thick brown-paper parcel done up with string, followed by a shopping bag with some brand I’d never heard of printed on the side. “Ah, this one too, by the look.”

“It is?”

“Yeah. I asked Amarantha to order some stuff for us.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? No.” Rhys shook his head. Then he kneeled down in front of me and tore into the brown package in my hands. “No ‘oh.’ We need clothes. It’s really simple.”

“That’s very kind of you, Rhys, but I’m fine.”

He wasn’t listening. Instead he held up a red dress the same thigh-baring length as those girls at the mansion had worn. “What the fuck? You’re not wearing this.” The designer dress went flying, and he ripped into the shopping bag at my feet.

“Rhys, you can’t just throw it on the ground.”

“Sure I can, I paid for it. Here, this is a little better.”

A black tank top fell into my lap. At least this one looked the right size. The thigh-high red dress had been a size-two joke. Quite possibly a mean one, given Amarantha’s dislike of me back in LA. No matter.

A tag dangled from the tank. The price. Shit. They couldn’t be serious.

“Whoa. I could pay my rent for weeks with this top.”

In lieu of a response he threw a pair of skinny black jeans at me. “Here, they’re okay too.”

I put the jeans aside. “It’s a plain cotton tank top. How can this possibly cost two hundred dollars?”

“What do you think of this?” A length of silky blue fabric dangled from his hand. “Nice, huh?”

I ignored his question, still staring at the tank in my hand. “Do they sew the seams with gold thread? Is that it?”

“What are you talking about?” He held up the blue dress, inspecting it closer, turning it this way and that. “Hell no, nevermind, it’s backless. The top of your ass will probably show in that.” It joined the red dress on the floor. My hands itched to rescue them, fold them away nicely. But Rhysand just ripped into the next box. “What were you saying?”

“I’m talking about the price of this top.”

“Shit, no. We’re not talking about the price of that top because we’re not talking about money. It’s an issue for you, and I’m not going there.” A micromini denim skirt came next. “What the fuck was Am thinking ordering you this sort of stuff?”

“Well, to be fair, you do normally have girls in bikinis hanging off you.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “In comparison, the backless dress is quite sedate.”

He kept digging through the bags, but he looked up at me again. “You’re different. You’re my friend, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” I didn’t entirely believe the tone of my own voice.

His forehead wrinkled up with disdain. “Damn it. Look at the length of this. I can’t even tell if it’s meant to be a skirt or a fucking belt.”

Laughter burst out of me and he gave me a hurt look, big, violet puppy-dog eyes of extreme sadness and displeasure. Clearly, I had hurt his heart.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “But you sound like my father.” He shoved the micro mini back into its bag. At least it wasn’t on the floor.

“Yeah? Your dad and I should meet. I think we’d get along great.”

I blinked. “You want to meet my father?”

Shrugging, Rhys said, “Depends. Would he shoot me on sight?”

“No.” Probably not.

He just gave me a curious look and burrowed into the next box. “That’s better. Here.”

He passed me a couple of sedate T-shirts, one black and one blue.

“I don’t think you should be selecting nun’s clothing for me, friend,” I said, amused at his behavior. “It’s vaguely hypocritical.”

“They’re not nun’s clothes. They just cover the essentials. Is that too much to ask?” The next bulging bag was passed to me in its entirety. “Here.”

“You do admit it’s just a tiny bit hypocritical, though, right?”

“Admit nothing. Hybern taught me that a long time ago. Look in the bag.”

I did so and he burst out laughing, whatever expression I wore being apparently hilarious.

“What is this?” I asked, feeling all wide-eyed with wonder. It might have been a thong if the makers had seen fit to invest just a little more material into it.

“You said I was dressing you like a nun, so I’m dressing you like a nun.”

“La Chaleur.” I read the tag, then turned it over to check out the price.

“Shit. Will you not look at the price, please, Feyre?” Rhys dove at me and I lay back, trying to make out the figures on the crazily swaying tag that was bigger than the scrap of lace. His larger hand closed over mine, engulfing the thong. “Don’t. For fuck’s sake.”

The back of my head hit the edge of a step and I winced, my eyes filling with tears. “Ow.”

“You all right?” His body stretched out above mine. A hand rubbed carefully at the back of my skull.

“Um, yeah.” The scent of his soap and shampoo was pure heaven, Lord help me. But there was something more than that. His cologne. It wasn’t heavy. Just a light scent of spice. There was something really familiar about it.

The tag hanging down in front of my face momentarily distracted me however. “Three hundred dollars?”

He smirked. “It’s worth it.”

“Holy shit. No, it’s not.” It wasn’t, there was no way it was.

He hung the thong from the tip of a finger, a crazy cool smile on his face. “Trust me. I’d have paid ten times that amount for this. No questions asked.”

“Rhys, I could get the exact same thing for less than a tenth of that price in a normal store. That’s insane.”

“No, you couldn’t.” He balanced his weight on an elbow set on the step beside my head and started reading from the tag. “See, this exquisite lace is handmade by local artists in a small region of southern France famous for just such craftsmanship. It’s made from only the finest of silks. You can’t get that at Walmart, baby.”

My eyebrows bunched together. “No, I guess not.”

He made a pleased humming sound and looked at me with eyes soft and hazy. Then his smile faded. He pulled back and scrunched the thong up in his hand. “Anyway….”

“Wait.” My fingers curled around his biceps, keeping him in place.

“What’s up?” he asked, his voice tightening.

“Just, let me…” I lifted my face to his neck. The scent was strongest there. I breathed him deep, letting myself get high off the scent of him. I shut my eyes and tried to remember.

Something. Anything.

“Feyre?” The muscles in his arms flexed and hardened. “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

“We were in the gondolas at the Venetian. You said you couldn’t swim, that I’d have to save you if we capsized.”

His Adam’s apple jumped. “Yeah.”

“I was terrified for you.”

His chuckle was rough. “I know. You hung on to me so tight I could barely breathe.”

I drew back so I could see his face.

“Why do you think we stayed on them for so long?” he asked. “You were practically sitting in my lap.”

I felt stupid, but I still asked, “Can you swim?”

He laughed quietly. “Of course I can swim. I don’t even think the water was that deep.”

My eyes narrowed. “It was all a ruse. You’re tricky, Rhysand Lunasa.”

“And you’re funny, Feyre Archeron.” His face relaxed, his eyes softening again. “You remembered something.”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“That’s great.” He smiled, a true, handsome smile, one that he’d only blessed me with a few times. Anything else?”

I gave him a sad smile in return. “No, sorry.” 

He looked away, disappointed, I think, but trying not to let it show.

I hesitated. “Rhys?”

“Mm?”

I leaned forward to press my lips to his, wanting to kiss him, needing to. He pulled back again. My hopes dived. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Feyre. What are you doing?”

“Kissing you?” I thought it was obvious.

He said nothing. Jaw rigid, he looked away.

“You’re allowed to kiss me and cuddle me and buy me insanely priced lingerie and I can’t kiss you back?” My hands slid down to his and he held them. At least he wasn’t rejecting me totally.

“Why do you wanna kiss me?” he asked, his voice stern.

I studied our entwined fingers for a moment, getting my thoughts in order. “Rhys, I’m probably not ever going to remember everything about that night in Vegas. But I thought we could maybe make some new good memories this weekend. Something we can both share.”

He didn’t reply immediately, and after a minute, I looked up into his handsome face. “Just this weekend?”

My heart filled my throat. “No. I don’t know. It just… it feels like there’s meant to be more between us.”

“More than friends?” He watched me, eyes intent.

“Yes. I like you. You’re kind and sweet and beautiful and you’re easy to talk to. When we’re not always arguing about Vegas. I feel like…”

His violet eyes were bright. “What?”

I didn’t want to stumble over my words. I didn’t want him to think I was doubting this decision, doubting him. “Like this weekend is a second chance. I don’t want to just let it slip by. I think I’d regret that for a long time.”

He nodded, cocked his head. “So what was your plan? Just kiss me and see what happened?”

I blinked. “My plan?”

He smirked, leaning closer ever so slightly. “I know about you and your plans. You told me all about how you make a plan for everything.”

“I told you that?” I was an idiot.

“Yeah. You did. You especially told me about the big plan.” He stared down at me, eyes intense. “You know… finish school then spend three to five years establishing yourself at a midrange firm before moving up the ranks somewhere more prestigious and starting your own small consultancy business by thirty-five. Then there’d maybe time to get a relationship and those pesky 2.4 kids out of the way.”

My throat was suddenly a dry, barren place. “I was really chatty that night.”

“Mm. But what was interesting was the way you didn’t talk about that plan like it was a good thing.” He looked at me and the way those eyes were looking at me, I couldn’t have hid anything from him, even if I wanted to. “You talked about it like it was a cage and you were rattling the bars.”

I had nothing. He read me like a book and I had no idea what to say.

“So, come on,” he said softly, taunting me. “What’s the plan here, Feyre? How were you going to convince me?”

“Oh. Well, I was, um… I was going to seduce you, I guess. And see what happened. Yeah…”

He snorted. “How? By complaining about me buying you stuff?”

“No,” I said, clearing my throat. “That was just an added bonus. You’re welcome.”

He licked his lips, but I saw the smile threatening to break through. “Right. Come on, then, show me your moves.”

I hesitated. “My moves?”

“Your seduction techniques. Come on, time’s a-wasting.” I hesitated and he clicked his tongue, impatient. “I’m only wearing a towel, baby. How hard can this be?”

“Fine, fine.” I held his fingers tight, refusing to let go. “So, Rhys?”

“Yes, Feyre?”

“I was thinking…”

“Hmm?”

I was so hopelessly outclassed with him. I gave him the only thing I could think of. The only thing that I knew had a track record of working.

“I think you’re a really nice guy and I was wondering if you’d maybe like to come up to my room and have sex with me and maybe hang out for a while. If that’s maybe something you’d be interested in doing…”

His eyes darkened, accusing and unhappy. He started to pull back again. “Now you’re just being funny.”

“No.” I slipped my hand around the back of his neck, beneath his damp hair, trying to bring him back to me. I pressed my forehead to his, hoping he could see the sincerity in my eyes. “No, I’m very, very serious.”

Jaw tensed, he stared at me.

I breathed, “You asked me this morning in the car if I thought you were scary. The answer is yes. You scare me shitless. I don’t know what I’m doing here. But I hate the thought of leaving you.”

His gaze searched my face, but still he said nothing. He was going to turn me down. I knew it. I’d asked for too much, pushed him too far. He’d walk away from me, and who could blame him after everything?

“It’s okay,” I said, gathering what remained of my pride up off the floor, about to grab my Rhys-approved tank, jeans and t-shirts and run upstairs.

“Shit.” He sighed. “You’re kinda terrifying too.”

I breathed, “I am?”

“Yeah, you are. And wipe that smile off your face,” he teased.

I did no such thing. “Sorry.”

He angled his head and kissed me, his lips firm and so good. My eyes closed and my mouth opened. The taste of him took me over. The mint of his toothpaste and the slide of his tongue against mine. All of it was beyond perfect. He lay me back against the stairs. The new bruise at the back of my head throbbed in protest when I bumped it yet again. I flinched but didn’t stop. Rhys cupped the back of my skull, guarding against further injury.

The weight of his body held me in place, not that I was trying to escape. The edge of the steps pressed into my back and I couldn’t care less. I’d have happily lain there for hours with him above me, the warm scent of his skin making me high. His hips held my legs wide open. If not for my jeans and his towel, things would get interesting fast. God, I hated cotton just then.

We didn’t once break the kiss. My legs wrapped around his waist and my hands curved around his shoulders. Nothing had ever felt this good. My ache for him increased and caught fire, spreading right through me. My legs tightened around him, muscles burning. I couldn’t get close enough. Talk about frustrating. His mouth moved over my jaw and down my neck, lighting me up from inside. He bit and licked, finding sensitive spots below my ear and in the crook of my neck. Places I hadn’t known I had. The man had magic. He knew things I didn’t. Where he’d learned his tricks didn’t matter. Not right then.

“Up,” he said in a rough voice. Slowly he stood, one hand beneath my ass and the other still protecting my skull.

“Rhys, no.” I scrambled to tighten my hold on his back.

“Hey.” He drew back just enough to look into my eyes. His pupils were huge, almost swallowing the iris whole. “I am not going to drop you. That’s never going to happen.”

I took a deep breath. “Okay.”

“You trust me?” He asked.

“Yes.” I meant it, too.

“Good.” His hand slid down my back. “Now put your arms around my neck.”

I did, and my balance immediately felt better. Both of Rhysand’s hands gripped my butt and I locked my feet behind his back, holding on tight. His face showed no sign of pain or imminent back breakage. Maybe he was strong enough to carry me around after all.

“That’s it.” He smiled and kissed my chin. “All good?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

He simply asked, “Bed?”

“Yes.” I hoped I didn’t sound as desperate as I felt.

He chuckled in a way that did bad things to me. “Kiss me,” he said.

Without hesitation, I did so, fitting my mouth to his. Sliding my tongue between his lips and getting lost in him all over again. He groaned, his hands holding me hard against him.

Which was when the doorbell rang, making a low, mournful sound that echoed in my heart and groin. “Nooo.”

“You’re fucking joking.” Rhysand’s face screwed up and he gave the tall double doors the foulest of looks. At least I wasn’t alone. I groaned and gave him a tight full-body hug. It would have been funny if it didn’t hurt so much.

A hand rubbed at my back, sliding beneath the hem of my tank to stroke the skin beneath. “It’s like the universe doesn’t want me inside you or something, I swear,” he grumbled.

“Make them go away. Please.”

He chuckled, clutching me tighter, but then he groaned and kissed my neck. “Let me answer the door and get rid of them, then I’ll take care of you, okay?”

“Your towel is on the floor.”

He smirked. “That’s a problem. Down you hop.”

I reluctantly loosened my hold and put my feet back on firm ground. Again the gong-like sound filled the house. 

Rhys grabbed a pair of black jeans out of a bag and quickly pulled them on. All I caught was a flash of toned ass. Keeping my eyes mostly averted might have been the hardest thing I’d ever done.

“Hang back just in case it’s press.” He looked into a small screen embedded beside the door. “Ah, man.”

I tensed. “Trouble?”

“No. Worse. Old friends with food.” He gave me a brief glance. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll be hurting too.”

“But—”

“Anticipation makes it sweeter. I promise,” he said, then threw open the door. A hand tugged down the front of his T-shirt, trying to cover the obvious bulge beneath his jeans. “Drakon. Miryam. Hey, good to see you.”

I was going to kill him. Slowly. Strangle him with the overpriced thong. A fitting death for a rock star.

A couple about my parents’ age came in, laden down with pots and bottles of wine. The man, Drakon, was tall, muscular, and, surprise, covered in tats. Miryam was one of the most gorgeous women I’d ever seen. They both wore wide grins and gave me curious glances. I could feel my face heat when they took in the lingerie and clothing strewn about on the floor. It probably looked like we’d been about to embark on a two-person orgy.

Which was the truth, but still.

“How the hell are ya?” Drakon roared in an accent I couldn’t quite place, giving Rhys a one-armed hug on account of the Crock-Pot he held in the other. “And this must be Feyre. I have to read about it in the damn paper, Rhys? Are you serious?” He gave my husband a stern look, one brow arched high. “Miryam was pissed.”

“Sorry. It was— ah, it was sudden.” Rhys kissed Miryam on the cheek and took a casserole dish and a full bag from her. She patted him on the cheek in a motherly fashion.

“Introduce me,” she said.

“Feyre, this is Miryam and Drakon, close friends of mine. They’ve been taking care of the house for me.” He looked relaxed standing between these people. His smile was easy and his eyes were bright. I hadn’t seen him looking so happy before. Jealousy reared its ugly head, sinking its teeth in.

“Hello.” I put out my hand for shaking, but Drakon engulfed me in a hug.

“She’s so pretty. Isn’t she pretty, hon?” Drakon stepped aside and Miryam came closer, a warm smile on her face.

I was being a jerk. These were nice people. I should be profoundly grateful not every female Rhys knew rubbed her boobs on him. Damn my screaming hormones for making me surly.

“She sure is. Hello, Feyre. I’m Miryam.” The woman’s coffee-brown eyes went liquid. She seemed ready to burst into tears. In a rush, she took my hands and squeezed my fingers tight. “I’m just so happy he found a nice girl, finally.”

“Oh, thank you.” My face felt flammable.

Rhys gave me a wry grin.

“Okay, enough of that,” Drakon said. “Let’s let these lovebirds have their privacy. We can visit another time.”

Rhys stood aside, still holding the casserole dish and bag. When he saw me watching, he winked.

“I’ll have to show you the setup downstairs sometime,” Drakon said. “You gonna be here for long?”

“We’re not sure,” he said, giving me a glance.

Miryam clung to my hands, reluctant to leave. “I made chicken enchiladas and rice. Do you like Mexican? It’s Rhysand’s favorite.” Miryam’s brows wrinkled. “But I didn’t think to check if that was all right with you. You might be vegetarian.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m not, and I love Mexican,” I said, squeezing her fingers back, though not as hard. “Thank you so much.”

She let out a release and grinned.

“Hon,” called Drakon.

“I’m coming.” Miryam gave my fingers a parting pat. “If you need anything at all while you’re here, you give me a call. Okay?”

Rhys said nothing. It was clearly my decision if they stayed or went. My body was still abuzz with need. That, and we seemed to do better alone. I didn’t want to share him because I was shallow and wanted hot sex. I wanted him all to myself. But it was the right thing to do. And if anticipation made it sweeter, well, maybe this once the right thing to do was also the best thing to do.

“Stay,” I said, stammering out the words. “Have dinner with us. You’ve made so much. We could never possibly finish it all.”

Rhysand’s gaze jumped to me, a small smile of approval on his face. He looked almost boyish, trying to contain his excitement. Like I’d just told him his birthday had been brought forward. Whoever these people were, they were important to him. I felt as though I’d just passed some test.

Miryam sighed. “Drakon is right, you’re newlyweds.”

“Stay. Please,” I said. Miryam looked to Drakon. Drakon shrugged but smiled, obviously delighted.

Miryam clapped her hands with glee. “Let’s eat!”

#snelbz whiv #vegas au #what happens in vegas #feysand #snelbz tacmc collab #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf

[disasterinadress97]

Dallas Winston Headcannons nobody asked for 🤷🏻‍♀️

Trigger warning ⚠️

A bit of nsfw in there too

Pre Tulsa, life in New York

• His mom was a drug addict and had Bipolar 1 disorder

• He has/had 4 siblings, an older brother (six years older) from his moms previous relationship, older sister (five years older) from his dads past relationship, a twin brother (who was trans ftm) and a little sister (eight years younger than him)

• He was always the one to take care of his mom during her depressive episodes when she wouldn’t leave her bed.

• She often left days-weeks at a time when she was in a manic state

• He practically raises his baby sister, she died when she was four due to cancer

• That was when he decided he hates kids cause they always reminded him of her

• he was always stealing and dealing to get his twin brother anything to help his body dismorphia and feel more comfortable in his body

• His mom often sold his body and his brother’s to her drug dealer when they couldn’t afford drugs (his dad did not know this at the time)

• his dad was actually a good dad till their mom walked out on them when he was 9, that was when he started drinking and abused Dallas because ‘you fuckin look so much like her’

• He was apart of two gangs in New York, one of which was a Drag Queen gang

• The one Queen lived beside him and always heard fighting, she took him under her wing and after his mom left they were practically the ones who raised him and his little sister

• the two older siblings and his twin left a little while after their mom did, that was when he learned you can’t trust anyone

• you bet your ass this boy dressed in drag with his queens, a master with make up, can’t change my mind

• can walk in high heels/‘stripper shoes’ like no other!

• started selling his body to strangers for money after his mom left and his dad started drinking to afford to feed his sister and himself

• His other gang was a bunch of stereotypical big mean, manly gang members

• He started dating a guy from said gang, this guy was hella abusive, controlling and manipulative. Also was twice Dal’s age

• when Dallas left New York he broke up with him and the guy beat the shit out of him and burned him with a poker ‘so you’ll never forget me’

In Tulsa/present?

• has some severe PTSD, also suffers from abandonment issues, anxiety, depression and Bipolar 2 disorder

• Loves him some Rupauls drag race, reminds him of his Queens and how much he misses them

• Acts so tough and mean because In New York he was tough and knew it but was always seen as the ‘little kid’ so going to Tulsa that wasn’t gonna happen again

• first people he came out to about being bi was Mr and Mrs Curtis

• they also found out he was selling his body for rent/food money and that was when they realised how much they care about him

• him and Mrs. Curtis were super close, she was the closest thing he had to a real mom.

• He is actually so soft behind the tough guy act

• cuddles? All the time

• is a total brat sub/bottom don’t @ me

• the gang found out about his Drag Queen past when he accidentally sent pony the wrong photo from his phone ‘you tell them you die!’

• he obviously blabbed

• everyone was shook.

• Johnny was amazed because ‘he’s so tough but so pretty!’

• two bit laughed but lowkey was impressed with Dallys confidence to do that

• Steve was just ‘if it makes him nicer and happier than whateva’

• you already know soda begged him to do his make up let’s ge honest

• Darrel was quiet but was also a good dad and was like ‘as long as it keeps him out of jail we will always love him’

• he was touched but also super embarrassed the gang found out about it, but was thankful they were cool with it

• gang 100% harassed him to wear drag for them Atleast once

• one day dallas brought his make up and shoes over, he did his and soda’s make up and wore his shoes and the gang was shook! ‘How can you walk in those?! So easily??’ ‘He looks prettier than half the girls at school!’

• all the support from the gang!

• Dallas actually reads a lot like pony does but doesn’t talk about it incase he gets made fun of for the books he likes

• is also really smart but plays dumb

• this boy LOVES vampires, they’re his guilty pleasure. We talking the vampire chronicles, the vampire diaries, true blood, he even liked the twilight books but will never tell a soul!

Dating headcanons!

General:

• cuddles all the time

• is very insecure and gets jealous easy

• surprisingly isn’t violent or aggressive when jealous, he’s scared if he is they will leave

• plot twist! Sylvia was actually a beard so Soc’s and other gangs wouldn’t know he’s bi

• they only said she cheated cause she was caught with another dude. The hate and hurt was all an act

• is a brat so will tease his dom in public subtly but so much

• is super clingy

• wants to be together all the time

• always needs reassurance ‘are you sure you’re still happy? Like I didn’t do anything wrong?’ ‘No, babe I love you’. ‘Oh okay, are you sure tho?’ 24/7

Johnny

• always getting Johnny to stay at bucks or his dads when his dad isn’t home so Johnny is safe

• feeding this boy all the time!

• when he hears dal is a bottom Johnny is shook but surpringly into a ‘daddy’ role

• drive in dates whenever they can

• they watch the stars a lot

• when Dallas is super anxious he picks at his nails a lot and Johnny holds his hands to help him feel a bit at ease

• when Dallas is in a manic state Johnny follows him anywhere he goes. Parties, fights, anything. He just wants to make sure he doesn’t get jailed again or hurt

• Johnny highkey loves when Dallas dresses in drag ‘you’re just so confident and hot!’

Steve

• watches while Steve works on his cars, he likes seeing Steve so interested and content

• when either of them fight with their dads they drive around all night and talk. They are both quiet about feelings usually but wanna be there for each other

• hangs around the DX while Steve and soda work

• both don’t say a lot normally but are always touching each other

• when Dallas is in a depressive episode Steve will come to bucks and just lay with him for hours

• They talk about both their moms walking out on them sometimes. They both swear if they ever met these women there would be hell to pay ‘how could she abandon this beautiful person?’

Soda

• all the spooning you could ask for

• Dallas is always complimenting him. ‘You’re so pretty wtf’

• on the anniversary of sodas parents death Dallas buys him flowers and they go to their graves

• when Dallas doesn’t answer his phone Soda highkey panics ‘what if he’s hurt?! What if he’s in jail ahain?’

• Dallas always feels bad about this and tries to make it up to him

• soda is always reminding Dallas he’s not alone and he loves him

• when soda really misses his mom Dallas and him talk about some of their favourite memories with her. Soda is still sad but it makes him a little happier knowing how much she cared about him and the one he loves so much

Two bit

• jokes 24/7

• when the gang isn’t around Dallas only calls him Keith or babe

• two doesn’t usually like his name but when Dallas says it he hates it a little less every time

• two bits mom wasn’t a fan of Dallas at first but after a while and gets to know him she loves him so much ‘mom I’m home’ ‘where is dallas’ ‘idk’ ‘tell him to come over I’m making his favourite dish’

• when two bit gets jealous or feels Dallas is he always puts his arm around his waist or kissing him so the person gets the hint

• twos little sister looks up to their relationship a lot and loves how happy her brother is

• two doesn’t stop drinking but slows down on it when Dallas mentions once it worries him sometimes

• Dallas and twos little sister get close really fast. Dallas is always giving her advice and one day brings her some old make up of his and she loves it!

• two doesn’t understand why dallas seems a little sad after times like these until one day dallas tells him about his little sister and how two should spend more time with her, ‘just in case something happens. I don’t want you to regret anything like I do’

• two makes a point to spend more time together the three of them after that

Pony

• they read together sometimes

• Dallas will go to literally any movie if pony is interested

• picks pony up from school everyday

• if Dallas gets arrested you know pony is lecturing him for Atleast a half hour. Dallas just sits there with heart eyes because ‘damn I missed this pain in my ass’

• dates at the Dingo are their Friday night ritual

• they both have terrible nightmares and are always cuddling and comforting eachother after

• Dallas is always saying little things to pony about his relationship with Darrel ‘I know he’s on your case all the time but it’s cause he means well’. Dallas then tells pony about his brothers and sister and how he wishes he could live with them and see them like pony can with Darrel

• pony and dar still fight sometimes after this but never in front of Dallas

Darrel

• they don’t go out a lot for dates but like to watch their favourite shows together (they kick the gang out for a few hours on these nights)

• Darrel brings out the brat in Dallas 24/7 and he teases him all the time until Darrel gets to a point he just looks at him and with a deep voice ‘bedroom now’ and Dallas practically trips over his own feet running to the room

• they are not quiet either! The gang sees them go in Dar’s room and they all groan and leave ASAP

• the gang found out about them when the gang came over and heard Dallas call out ‘daddy!’ And never let him live it down ‘how’s it going daddy’s boy’ ‘I will literally kill you two bitch’

• Darrel never celebrates his birthday after his parents die and Dallas puts an end to that so fast. He goes all out, flowers, presents, sexy time. Anything he can do

• always sitting on Darrel’s lap, clinging to him, hugging. All of it. He’s just amazed and thankful he has such a strong and beautiful bf who loves him

• dar once let dallas do make up on him and Darrel borderline didn’t like how good he looked in it

• Dallas got him to experiment in drag and Darrel felt hella empowered. Now they dress up together sometimes. But dar says only Dallas is allowed to see him like that

• this makes dal feel extra special and close to dar and he loves it

Tim

• sarcastism never stops

• Tim is quiet but really protective, he can say whatever he wants about Dallas but once someone says one bad thing they best be ready to square up

• patching eachother up after fights al the time

• they be kinky bitches man!

• after a nightmare Dallas told Tim a little bit about his ex and it took dallas an hour to talk him out of going to New York to kill this man

• Dallas does strip teases for Tim in his stripper shoes on special occasions.

• Tim didn’t tease him for his make up or anything, he actually found it real pretty on him

• Tim never lets him stay at his own place or bucks after they get together.

• Tim is Demi sexual

• Dallas heard his ex was released out of prison and has a sever panic attack. Tim was right there reassuring him ‘babe I’m right here. No ones gonna hurt you’.

• dals mom comes to town and Tim got Angela and her friends to give her a ‘Tulsa greeting’. Needless to say she left as soon as she came

This was so long and horrible I’m sorry

Special thanks to @sunlitcigars for helping with some ideas and encouraging me to post these

#dallas winston #outsiders #headcanon #dallyboy #jally #steve/dallas #dalbit #twobit #sodapop #darrel curtis #steve randle #sodapop curtis #johnny cade #mental health #ptsd #new york #tulsa #the outsiders #they trash im sorry

[ryosei-hime]

Sex and Therapy: The Switch

Concord.exe has stopped working, so we switch to Fizz's POV as he tries to help fix his broken lover. This chapter has implications (and results) of sexual violence and depicts depression. Also available on AO3.

Fizz walked back and forth across the room to find his keys before he left for work. He tried to ignore Concord’s sad eyes as they followed him, but it just wasn’t possible. He sat in the middle of his bed, bundled up in the covers, shoulders slumped, looking like a kicked puppy. Fizz clutched the keys as he found them.

“Don’t look at me like that.” 

“I can go back to work.” 

His voice came out so weak and fragile. He couldn’t even take care of himself. How did he think he would be able to take care of other people? He wouldn’t even be eating if Fizz didn’t make sure of it. He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, letting Concord come to him. He pushed the covers off his head and let his fingers glide over his cheek. 

“We’ve been through this. This is what I’m built for. Let me take care of you now.” 

Concord’s eyes watered. Fizz couldn’t stand it. Why wouldn’t he stop crying? 

“Please, don’t leave me.” 

He felt a pang of offense every time Concord did this. What did he do to make him think he’d even entertain the thought?  

“I’m not leaving you, baby. I’m doing this for you. You have to eat. We have to pay rent.”

Concord let the covers slip off his shoulders as he rose up to hug his neck. Fizz returned it with a squeeze. 

“Be safe.”

“There’s nothing out there that can hurt me in any way Cog can’t fix.”

Concord’s arms tightened around his neck and he buried his face in his shoulder with a short whine. Damn, he’d said it wrong. He kept saying things wrong. Somehow Concord had always known the right words for him. But Fizz only seemed to make things worse when he opened his mouth.

“Concord, I’ll be okay.” He pushed him back, giving him a quick kiss. “Get some rest. I’ll see you at breakfast.” 

“Okay.” 

He sounded so defeated. Fizz tucked him in before leaving for the night, hoping he’d actually get some sleep. He wished he could stay with him to make sure of it, but he had to keep his priorities practical. Once he had the door between them he breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to take care of Concord while he was broken. He just wasn’t as good at it as Concord had been for him. It made him feel like a failure. The only thing he could do to actually help was work and even that made Concord cry. 

Fizz had no concern for his own safety when it came to random Johns. Sure, they could get rough with him, but he could handle that. The only true source of anxiety for him lay in the past. Making himself so visible on the streets meant risking Ahroth finding him again. The chances were infinitesimal, but any chance worried him when it came to a demon so determined to see him suffer.

He’d never worked the streets before this, but it seemed to come naturally to him for the most part. He had scouted out a good place for picking up clients and, with his face, he met with a lot of success. Love him or hate him, there were a lot of people who wanted to fuck Fizzarolli in some way. This made him a lot of money, but it also turned him back into an object to be abused. 

The first night of this had shown him how much he appreciated Concord treating him like an equal. More than that, Concord treasured him, treated him like something precious. Which meant he had something to compare the pain and humiliation against when customers treated him poorly.

But he could shut his emotions off. He could shut his pain receptors off. And he could deal with the damage later. Or Cog could as it turned out more often than not. Tonight, one particularly large John had gotten too rough with him and fucked up his voice box. Fizz hadn’t let him get away without injury of his own, but now he had to spend some of his profit getting fixed. He hated that.

He wandered over to Cog’s apartment in the early morning, hoping she’d be awake. He couldn’t go home to Concord like this, but he didn’t want him to worry by coming home too late. So, he knocked a little louder and more incessantly than usual to make sure she heard him. When she answered the door, she did so with a jerk and an exasperated yell. 

“What did you break this time, Alis-?!” She stopped when she saw him. “Fizz.”

“D-d-don’t t-t-t-telllllll Concorrrrrrrrrr-ord-ord-ord Iii-ii-iii...” 

His voice glitched and clicked, static louder than his words. A single screech could be heard in the background noise as well, his head jerking in time to the skips as he held out a fist full of cash. 

“No.” Cog stated firmly, raising a hand. “Shut up before you deafen me and get in here.” 

She stepped aside and let him in, pointing towards her workstation. He went straight to his usual spot and settled in for the repair. She worked silently as he sat with his head down. He no longer tried to fluster her when he visited. Their relationship had grown a little since Concord broke. At first, he’d tried to ask Cog to help fix him. But she didn’t know how to fix imps. They both agreed it was a shame it couldn’t be as easy as fixing machines. 

Cog rarely confused him. She seemed to him very practical and straightforward. And some things that confused him about people also confused her as far as he could tell. He liked the kinship he felt when they were alone. It was the only relationship he’d ever experienced that had nothing to do with sex.

She finished working on his voice box and closed him back up.

“Give it a try.” 

“Thank you.” 

His voice came out clear again and he turned an appreciative smile on her. But a current of frustration ran through Cog, her tone almost accusatory.  

“How did you get broken again so soon? I just fixed you three days ago and a week before that.” 

“Concord’s out of money. I had to start working the streets.”

Cog let it drop at that, putting her tools away. She had never been one to pry if Fizz didn’t offer more on his own.

“Cog.” 

“Yeah?” 

“He keeps crying. Are you sure there isn’t something I can do to stop it?” 

“I don’t know, Fizz. That’s Concord’s job. Why don’t you find him another therapist to talk to?” 

“He won’t see one. He said he can work through it himself.” 

“Then I don’t know what to tell you. Wish I did. People are hard.”

Fizz knew she couldn’t help, but he had no one else to talk to about this. She was his only friend outside of Concord. And sometimes it just helped to have his thoughts heard.

“I think Concord has too many emotions. It makes him harder to fix.” 

“I can’t say I disagree with that.”

“Softie,” Fizz muttered, but it came out more affectionate than anything. “I should get back to him before he wakes up.” 

“I hope he feels better soon.” 

“Me too.”

When Fizz got home, Concord still lay sleeping, his fists balled tight in the covers. So, he took the chance to clean himself up before sliding into bed with him. He wrapped the sad little imp up in his arms gently, trying not to wake him right away. He pressed his face into the hair between his horns as he tried to imagine how it would be when Concord fixed himself. He wanted things to go back to normal. He wanted the happy little life they’d been building together back.

Concord stirred and Fizz gave him a little room to turn in his arms, greeting him with his best smile as he blinked his eyes open. 

“Good morning, beautiful. Did you sleep well?” 

“I slept okay.” 

That meant he’d had nightmares, but it also told Fizz he’d slept enough to fall into a dream state.

“Do you want breakfast?” 

He shook his head and buried his face in the pillow. Fizz kissed the top of his head, fingers tracing down his spine. Concord’s muffled voice came out timid and cautious.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” Fizz assured him. “Nothing bad happened.” 

He wiggled further into his arms. Fizz held him close and felt the whole night just fade away. He wanted this calm to last forever. He let them both enjoy the closeness for a while, watching the early morning sun play across Concord’s skin and listening to his breathing as he curled up against him. But he had to make sure Concord ate.

“You gotta eat, baby.” 

“I don’t wanna.” 

“Please, Concord. Do it for me?” 

He shook his head and Fizz had to hold in a sound of frustration. That usually worked. But when that failed, he turned to plan B. He coiled Concord up in one arm and simply carried him bodily to the kitchen, blanket and all. Concord held the blanket around him as Fizz deposited him in the seat. But after a moment, he simply flopped limply across the table. 

Fizz let him lay there as he started cooking, a new skill he’d picked up by necessity. He thought he took to it quickly and Concord hadn’t complained after the first few times. Recipes weren’t exactly hard to memorize and he never had to repeat a mistake. He slid a plate next to Concord’s face when he’d finished and sat down next to him. 

“Go ahead, eat it.” 

“Mm mm.” 

He shook his head and pulled the covers up over his mouth as if Fizz might try to force feed him. Well, if he wanted to play it that way Fizz had no choice but to break out the big guns. He kneeled on the floor next to Concord’s chair and fished his hand out of the blankets. He kissed his fingers gently, one at a time, before turning his eyes up to Concord’s. He adjusted the lighting in his eyes until what passed as pupils were easily visible against a dimmer backdrop. He made them wider and more innocent. 

“Please, Concord? Eat? It’s important to me. I worry about you.” 

He’d learned how well he could manipulate Concord with his eyes after he’d complimented them, and he’d picked up some of Concord’s own vocabulary for expressing his concern in a way that made sense to the therapist. This combination had yet to fail. Concord’s eyes teared up again, but he blinked them back. 

“Okay.” 

Fizz laid his head in Concord’s lap while he ate, fingers tracing over his leg lightly from time to time. He could have gotten up, but this part of the not too uncommon ritual was for his own enjoyment. He just wanted to stay in contact with his Concord without impeding his meal. A hand rested on his head after a while and he looked up. Concord showed him his empty plate to prove he’d eaten it all. 

Fizz took it from him and extended his arm to place it in the sink so he wouldn’t have to leave Concord’s side. He enjoyed the feeling of his hand running over his head and he could sense that he wanted to have an open and honest conversation. He’d learned to see these breakthroughs coming, picking up on subtle body language and eye movements.

“Thank you. For being here for me. I know I’m being difficult.” 

“A little,” Fizz agreed, letting that aura of honesty he exuded drag him in. “But I don’t mind. I just wish I knew what to say to fix you. Like you knew what to say to me.” 

“You can’t fix me, Fizz. I don’t want you to think that’s your responsibility. You’re already doing more than I could ever ask of you. I don’t want to overburden you. I don’t like that you have to...work. I don’t like that you have to make me eat. I don’t want it to be this way.” 

“I miss how we were before,” he admitted and it felt nice to let it out.

“Me too. These things just take time. When your entire identity is broken in one day.... I just need time.” 

Fizz sat up and ghosted his lips over Concord’s as if he might break more if he pushed too hard. Concord let him but didn’t really return the gesture. Fizz’s hands rested on his shoulders, his voice sincere. 

“Take all the time you need. I’m not leaving, I promise.” 

A single tear rolled down Concord’s cheek.

“I’m sorry I keep saying that. That’s not fair to you. I’m just very vulnerable right now. I’m so scared of pushing you away with this. Of being alone.” 

“You’re not.” Fizz pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

Concord’s fingers curled against his back, the fabric of his tunic twisted up in his fists, breath coming in short bursts between his words.

“Thank you for everything you’re doing, Fizz. I know it’s not easy. And I’m trying. I’m trying so hard. But I realized, I’m trying for you. Because I want to be with you. And I can’t convince myself to try for me.” 

Fizz didn’t really understand the difference and Concord didn’t elaborate. He ran his hand up and down his back as the crying started again. Wasn’t it enough to try at all? Would telling him that help or make things worse? Why did navigating emotions have to be like defusing a bomb? 

As he tried to work that puzzle out, a muffled, teary voice came from his chest.

“I love you, Fizz.” 

His internal processes stopped momentarily. Everything stopped. He couldn’t speak. Concord buried his face even further into his embrace.

“I love you so much.” 

Fizz felt a panic send his workings racing back into action. What did he say to that? How did an AI determine whether or not he felt real love? Would Concord know the difference between real and simulated love? If Fizz went along with this, would Concord just see what he wanted to see or would Fizz hurt him when he discovered the truth? That Fizz had no idea what love even meant.

He did the only thing he knew for sure Concord wanted and said it back.

“I love you, too.” 

Concord turned his wet face up to him, disbelief clear in his eyes.

“Really?”

“Of course. Why do you think I’m working so hard for you?”

Concord beamed like the sun and it filled Fizz with hope. Of course! The key to fixing Concord had been there all along. He had been built to meet the desires of his owner. If he just let his base programming take over and gave him what he wanted, Concord would be happy again. 

And right now, Concord wanted to be loved. He wanted tenderness. Fizz could do that. He leaned down and kissed him, soft and gentle. Concord reciprocated this time, parting for only a moment before coming back in for more. Concord pulled away after a few more to gaze into his eyes, and Fizz brushed a thumb over his lips.

“There’s that beautiful smile.” 

“I’ve been so scared to tell you,” Concord whispered as if speaking too loudly would break the moment.

“You don’t have to be scared to tell me anything, my love.” 

Concord started crying again which only confused Fizz though everything seemed to these days. He carefully kept his confusion hidden and waited patiently for it to pass. Concord rubbed his face with the covers as the tears dried up. And now only the joy remained. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life.” 

Fizz’s expression became more genuine and this time he didn’t have to lie at all.

“That’s all I want. To make you happy.” 

Concord captured his lips in a passionate kiss, arms around his neck, pulling him down into it. Fizz let Concord set the pace. He didn’t want to move too fast. But they hadn’t had sex in weeks and even though he’d been getting it eslewhere, it wasn’t the same. He wanted Concord again, his sweet little imp, his favorite plaything. 

Even if he didn’t know if he could feel real love himself, he could certainly feel Concord’s washing over him. And that love made him feel special. It made him feel important. He liked that. Because in all honesty, he wasn’t. He existed as no more than another variation of the great Fizzarolli - a broken one at that.

As the kiss ended, Concord held his face in his hands, staring deep into his eyes, conviction filling every syllable as he spoke. 

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Thank you so much for choosing me.” 

His Concord could be so dramatic, but Fizz found it adorable and that lit up his face as he replied.

“I wouldn’t have anyone else.” 

Concord kissed him again and Fizz ramped up the intensity, wanting more. He ran his hands down Concord’s sides, fingers slipping around his hips. He wanted to pull him into the floor and fuck him so bad. But Concord gave him a shy look as he pulled back to breathe. As he spoke, Fizz’s hands paused in their wandering, resting on his thighs. 

“Will you make love to me?” 

Fizz wanted it the way they’d been before, but those words made it clear he needed something softer right now, something tender and loving. So, he put his own desires aside as he’d become accustomed to once more. But he didn’t mind this time. If Concord wanted sweet and boring, he deserved it.

It turned out to be the most vanilla sex he’d ever had, but he still enjoyed the way Concord looked at him the whole time. As if Fizz were his sole reason for living, his everything. It felt good to know someone could love him that much and that his mere existence could bring Concord so much happiness. 

But the validity of his own love became a nagging anxiety. The discovery of his fraud so large and imposing it resided next to his fear of Ahroth. Concord could never know he had any doubts. It could break him beyond repair and that scared Fizz more than anything.

#Helluva Boss #RoboFizz #Robo Fizz #Robo Fizz Helluva Boss #RoboFizz Helluva Boss #RoboFizzxOC #myfanfics #stuffididmyself

[sporadic-writer]

Age is but a Number

Sebastian Stan x reader

No warnings other than a swear or 2 and the age gap thing

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

You began working for Marvel in about 2015. At that time you were 17 pushing 18. At 18 going on 19 Civil War was your first full film, but it worked because you were playing a character who was older than you actually were, but needed to look young. Your character was also Bucky's love interest. Well, sorta.. In the comics you were, but the movies had a slower build, more subtle. Regardless, the producers had you both hang out before filming to gain a sense of familiarity. He was cool and you both got along quite well. He liked how you didn't act as young as you were. You liked how funny and down to earth he was. A lovely friendship built as time went on.

But here you were, 5ish years later, dealing with press stuff for Avengers: Endgame. You were 22, managing college with being an actress, and trying to have a life with your friends still. You loved being a student and having this job, everyone was cool with you doing most of your filming and work during your breaks. Yet, it still could get overwhelming. Luckily, Sebastian and you had always remained close. He helped you manage everything and deal with the intense world of acting. As you got older, he noticed how well you handled everything. Yes, you still acted like a 22 year old girl at moments, it was normal. But most of the time you always seemed older and more mature despite being the youngest cast member. He respected you, and even grew to like you. The media caught on about how you both hung out more outside of set. Obviously, dating rumors and notes of the age gap spread out and around the world. Yet, neither of you stressed about it or let it get to you. Brushing it off, both of you went about life as usual. Neither of you talked about the relationship possibilities. You wouldn’t admit it out loud, but you liked seeing some fans point out details about how he acted in a flirty, or different manner around you. It added to your girly fantasy of you being with someone like Sebastian Stan. Things never really shifted between you guys until a Jimmy Fallon appearance with Mark Ruffalo.

Walking backstage with the two men you turned and looked at Sebastian. “Your ass nearly got us fired! Not in a single trailer, yet you almost blew a plot point. I know we don’t know if it’s true or not, but still! When we come back for the game, I am not taking blame if something goes to shit.”

Mark looked between you guys, “The fact that I held up better than you is sad dude. Thank God Y/N jumped in. But how is that the topic you are focusing on? Don’t look at me like that. Jimmy brought up you guys being a thing now that she isn't seeing Tom's friend anymore and I felt your hands stop messing with each other behind me on the couch! You froze! Just admit you like each other. We’ve seen it all but confirmed since the kiss that got cut in Infinity War.”

You both stopped and you looked to Mark, “We were messing with each other. So what? Then he brought us up so we focused on him. And that kiss was only a casual peck for the scene. Shut up man, I’m gonna wait in the green room for the game. I hope it’s that film noir truth or lie game! I wanna see what they dug up on me haha!"

You walked off and Sebastian kept his eyes on you until you turned the corner. “She didn’t deny it did she? That she likes me?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.. You’re over 30! Just grow a pair and talk to her.”

He hesitated, “She’s 15 years younger than me... I've known her since she graduated high school."

“What’s your point? Blake Lively is 11 years younger than Ryan. Jay-Z is 12 years older than Beyonce. George Clooney and his wife are 16 years apart. No one cares if you both like each other. Hell, Nick Jonas just married a woman 11 years older than him.” Mark looked at him like he was an idiot. “You like the girl, we all do. Go for it! She wouldn’t say no.”

“Really??” Mark simply nodded. Next thing he knew, he was heading to your green room.

He knocked and heard you say come in. You were sitting comfortably on the couch, scrolling on your phone and munching on snacks left by Jimmy and the crew. You looked up and said hey to him. He didn’t speak back and you looked up at him again. “What’s up man? You look like you saw someone get stabbed by the main curtain. "

He laughed a little and made eye contact with you. “Nah, I feel just a nervous though.”

You put your phone down, sat up, and looked up at him. “You were fine out there. What’s going on?”

“We get along really well right? And we have a lot of fun hanging out and talking right?”

“Yeah of course. What are you getting at here Seb? You’re being more random than usual.” You smiled at him in a questioning manner and invited him to sit next to you.

“Wow this is harder than it seemed in my head. I was just wondering if you would want to maybe, I don’t know...” He doesn’t really look at you, just the floor and rubs his hands on his pants. Suddenly, it seems to click for you.

“Wait. Are- are you asking me out?” You smile as you see him nod, still not really looking at you. “Hell yes I’ll go out with you. Since when are you so nervous to ask a girl out? You told me how you asked Jennifer Morrison out easily after meeting her.”

“Yeah well she wasn’t my friend first, and she isn’t 15 years younger than me.”

“Oh. That isn’t an issue is it? I mean well clearly not, you just asked me out. Hell Ellen and her wife are like 15 apart too." A knock on your door interrupted you. A guy with a headset on came in and told you to go to the main stage area for the game. You nodded and said you would both be out soon. You turned back to Sebastian and put your hand on his knee. “I would love to go out with you. Let’s just skip the awkward actual going out parts for the first date. Let’s do something slightly more serious than when we just hang. Sound good?”

“Yeah, damn you’re easier at this than me. But that sounds good.” He took note of how you said first date. The hope of more lingered. He stood up and held his hand out to help you up. Grabbing his hand he pulled you up and hugged his arm around your waist. Then the two of you met Mark and Jimmy and played Drinko much to your excitement!

SKIP TO THE DATE

You looked at your phone and remembered that Sebastian told you to just come in when you made it to his place. He insisted you come over and he could cook you dinner. Between all the press things, a dinner was a great choice. Neither of you had a home-cooked meal in forever. Plus, he wanted to show off. So walking in, you clutched the bottle of wine and tried to remain calm. 

“Sebastian?” You called out your heels clicked as you looked around. You could faintly smell something being made. Considering you saw no kitchen, you walked upstairs. The sight before you was adorable. He was dancing around to some music while stirring something around in a pan. He turned and saw you smiling as you watched him, but he also stopped dancing. “No don’t stop on my account.”

“Ha ha how clever. Sorry I didn’t hear you come in.” He took the bottle you brought and took your coat off for you. You thanked him and he laughed at the bottle. “Barefoot? Really?”

“Hey it isn’t pink is it? I had to pay some tuition bills yesterday, less funds than I anticipated. Figured this was better than nothing. Plus, my mom told me it’s rude to come to someone’s house for dinner empty handed.”

“Aren’t you such a lady. But I’m just messing with you, you brought it, so even then pink would have been fine. I’m just finishing this up, so you’re right on time. As long as I never drink peppermint schnapps again I’ll be fine. Mixing that with hot sauce, clam juice, and grape soda was horrible.” 

Looking at the kitchen area, you smiled. “Ha yeah I lucked out. Sunny D, whipped cream vodka, grape soda, and mountain dew? Hell I’m pretty sure I had that last semester at a Halloween party. But forget the gross stuff. Whatcha cooking? Creamy garlic shrimp, one of my favorites. How did you know?”

“I know you.” He said it so surely. And the bastard had the nerve to wink. Make you flustered. Well, two could play at this game.

You walked to get a couple glasses for the wine, making sure you sway your hips as you went past him. From your side eye you saw him check you out. “Like what you see old man?”

He didn’t even try to hide it. “I do. You look good Y/N, you always do.” As you went back to sit down and pour some wine for you both, he sat a nice plate of food in front of you. He went next to you and told you to dig in.

Taking the first bite let out a small, appreciative moan. “Holy shit. This is fantastic! I’m serious. Thank you for this. I’ve never actually had a guy cook for me, so really, thanks.”

“No need to thank me. Just keep going out with me.” His smile was so sweet. You just simply said of course.

"Can't say no to that." You smirked at him to the side of you as you both ate.

Once dinner was finished and cleaned up by the both of you he suggested you move to the living room balcony.

"Wait, you said a specific balcony. Do you have more than one?" He laughed as you both walked out. Wine glasses full with his better stuff after finishing the Barefoot you brought.

He stood next to you enjoying the view. "Yes there is another connected to the main bedroom."

"Wow. And I thought my campus apartment was fancy. This sure beats dorm furniture and faulty heating."

He chuckled, looking at you as you looked out at the city. "Why do you live on campus? I mean, you can afford a nicer place to finish school."

"Yeah but I cover rent for my roommates who truly depend on me for campus living so they can keep their scholarships. Going off campus would screw them over. Plus, I have too much money anyway. They wouldn't let me help with their tuition, so rent'll do." As you spoke you continue sipping the wine. It was enchanting and sparkling to see the lights of the city.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?" You pondered as to what he could mean.

He turned fully to you and you did the same. He looked at you earnestly. "Stay normal when being a Marvel star? You balance getting a college degree and doing press tours world wide. I only do this and sometimes cannot stand it."

Shrugging you spoke, "Eh it isn't always easy. But managers and people working out schedules around my schooling have really helped. Plus, my folks, friends, and you guys have really helped. Especially you." You brought the glass to your face to hide a blush forming.

Sebastian pulled you by the waste, closer to him. You looked up and smiled at him. "Hey I was forced to be with you when we were younger. Only fitting I actually shaped you properly for the biz and so I wouldn't hate you." Ah that charm you fell so easily for. "I'm kidding. I like you for soo many reasons. I'll tell you them on the second date."

You put your wine glass down. "Good. I will love to hear those then. Because right now I don't wanna talk that much."

He laughed lightly. "Are you trying to make out with me Y/N? Ah darling, here I thought you were mature!" His hold around you tightened as you smiled.

You sighed as you ran a hand over his really toned pec. "Yeah.. mature. Not blind!" Your heart fluttered at the way he looked at you. Luckily, no more words were exchanged on the balcony til a while later when the sun finished setting.

#sebastian stan blurb #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fic #sebastian x reader #sebastian stan #marvel #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader

[cattywh0mpus]

This is the most personal thing I have ever fucking posted anywhere and I hope this gets buried quick but also iduno maybe other people will relate and it’ll help them maybe or make them worse i am going to regret this the second I hit post 

Ps- nobody freak out I am like, safe and not in danger lmao just fyi 

TW: so many. Uh angst, mention of self harm, implied suicide/death, lots of very bad profanity, depression, anxiety, bad poetry, abuse of rhyming scheme, rhyming best with best, way too long, dude don’t read this

I have things to do, a whole list of things I wanna do inside my head and none of them are this stupid poem, and it fills me with such dread Because it’s well into the evening and I’ve yet to leave my bed And I know that I’ll still be fucking tweaking this at 3am instead Of fucking sleeping or drinking water or taking any of my meds And I’ll keep doing it for 15 years until I’m fucking dead because

My brain is a bastard. My brain is a creep. It haunts me in the daytime, but sometimes it doesn’t when I sleep And I would sleep maybe forever if it wasn’t for this fucking spark That forces me to think of pretty things and lanterns in the dark And things I could be fucking making, frogs and gardens and dumb art Please God, it’s not what I begged for, I didn’t want to build this ark But I know without it, I would fucking drown in piss and fall apart

My brain is an asshole. My brain is a cunt. But please don’t let the language scare you, i’m just putting up a front Because I’m a lot more sad than angry and a lot more “used to it” than sad And my only outlet is the things I make although they’re fucking bad And I try to offer it some better things, with better outcomes to be had it slaps them out of my fucking shaking hands, it’s obsessions ironclad I just wanted to be healthy, helpful, and do things with my fucking dad but

My brain is a monster. My brain is a freak. It’s supposed to be a tool I use, but instead it’s using me Piloting me like a god damn gundam made out of bones and fucking meat And I’m powerless to stop it, though I kick and bite and scream Or I used to, I fucking swear I did, but now I mostly lay around and dream Of a day when I can do the things I like without injesting fucking speed

My brain is a liar, but fucking so am I. I craft such stupid fucking stories for me to crawl under and hide (somehow more believable than the truths I tell, how and fucking why?) I’m so embarrassed by it’s actions, I need to believe they aren’t mine It’s my brain, that son of a bitch, making me out to be a bad, bad guy Making my chest and heart and lungs get tied up in it’s vicious lies Forcing my mouth to spout such bullshit and waterboard my fucking eyes Sometimes I honestly believe it’s honest, and not a coward in disguise It’s last name is Puzzle, it’s all a game to it, shame and panic is the prize

My brain is a shit. My brain is a turd. It convinces me I’m dumb and mute whenever I’m desperate to be heard Sometimes I feel like a prisoner, a fat cow separated from the herd I’d do anything (that i’m able) to be the cage around the bird I need to fucking rebel, so I promise I won’t write another fucking word

...BUT MY BRAIN’S A FUCKING SHITEATING COCKSUCKING PRICK because my brain’s a fucking cannibal and it makes me fucking sick I want to tear it out by it’s ugly fucking stem and smash it with a brick No more executive dysfunction, no more confusion, no more fucking tricks Just the thought of being fucking rid of it gets me so fucking slick But my mommy would be sad, so you win this round, you fucking dick

But one day you’ll be a goner, a rotting, ruined mass So one day when no one’s looking, you had better watch your wrinkled ass And less and less people are watching, so you better think fucking fast Before I put your hippocampus in a headlock, and your neocortex in a cast There’s one thing I’m fucking certain of, your reign won’t fucking last Because thank god nothing is permanent, even this will come to pass And then we’ll be like all the other graveyard corpses, fucking normative at last

...Okay, listen brain I’m sorry. Maybe that was too intense? But you’re making me so fucking stupid, you make me make no fucking sense I’ve tried so hard to fucking work with you, to compromise, hence The doctors appointments and the pills and everything at great expense But you make me miss all my appointments and forget to take my meds And what’s the point of the watch that reminds me if you are too fucking dense To remember to put it on in the mornings, you make everything so tense Just like you strain my boyfriend’s wallet with every wasted fucking cent And sometimes it feels like none of it has even made a fucking dent Because my wisdom tooth is still rotting and my funny bone is spent My brain is the worst fucking tenant, and it doesn’t even pay the rent

My brain is a failure, but my brain tries it’s best. To distract me from the everything, to give me fucking rest But all it really does is hinder me, I’m never at my best. It thinks it’s doing something good for me, but i’m not fucking impressed The days go by so fucking quickly and I’m just as quick to fucking forget Every memory like busted christmas lights, a tangled useless mess Something that once brought such happiness but now it’s just a pest I need an exterminator in my synapses, because they’re a fucking rat’s nest I haven’t seen my friends in so so long, It puts our friendship to the test But I never wanted to fucking test them, I just want this shit to end I need a coping mechanism on which I can actually depend I’ve lost my appetite for grief eating, my emotional support animals were hens But bandits slaughtered them for funsies, so now it’s just an empty pen And I was never one for self harm, though I tried it way back when But now every time I see the burn, I have to think of it again? Which seems counter fucking productive.. hey, do you think you maybe can Stop me from doing all this fucking rambling? Though it’s been tried by better men...

I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, but I can’t speak for it I’m not sure if it is sorry, cuz it’s such a fucking tit But I am trying to be better, and I won’t hate you if you split Because I wish I could bail everyday, and I don’t wanna be a hypocrite I’ll still love you, i’ll still love you, (if i remember you that is) And I’ll keep wishing every day that I can find the strength to fucking quit. Every day, every minute, holy shit.

[morrisondauthor]

“Behind the Platform”

           I remember a time when I enjoyed doing a photoshoot with Jamal. We’d smile and have fun while the photographer snapped shots of us and the mood would be so genuine. After the photoshoot, we’d go back home and have sex like two wild animals. Hell, there were times where we couldn’t even make it home and we’d have to get it on in the back of his Chevrolet Tahoe. I truly missed those moments. Now, five years into our relationship, I constantly found myself wondering if being with him was still worth it.

           “Turn your head toward me,” the photographer directed as he got in position to take another shot.

           I turned my head towards him while facing the wall and he snapped a few shots of me. When I looked up and saw the way Jamal was watching me from across the room, a shiver ran up my spine. I could tell he was still angry because of the argument we had the night before. He hadn’t said a word to me that morning but every time he stared at me; I could feel his anger. When the time came for him to join me, he finally spoke to me.

           “I wanna do a separate shoot, Corey,” he told me as he took his shirt off. “I’m not really in the mood to do that lame ass couple shit.”

           “Lame ass couple shit?” I asked. “You really are on some other shit today. We’re supposed to send in solo pics and pics of us together. They’re not gonna pick us for the ad if we don’t.”

           “So?”

           “Jamal…”

           “Can you go the fuck on already? You’re done.”

           “This little pissy attitude of yours is really getting old. I can’t believe you’re this mad because I used the last bit of laundry detergent last night. It is not that damn serious. All you had to do was take your ass down to the store and buy some more.”

                                           Me (Corey McMillan)

           “It ain’t even about that.”

           “Oh, what the fuck ever, Jamal. I’ve had it with you picking petty shit to argue with me over. And I’m tired of defending your stank ass attitude whenever my friends are visiting.”

           “Fuck your bitch ass friends. All they do is talk shit and eat my food and junk up my apartment.”

           “Your apartment?!”

           “Yes! I pay most of the bills up in that mothafucka! You’ve had it with me, huh? I’ve been had it with your sorry ass! Now get the fuck out my way!” He pushed me out of the way so that he could begin his session with the photographer.

                                               Jamal Grant

           Everyone working around the room was staring at me and I was so embarrassed. It was the first time we’d had an argument in front of strangers. The fact that he could talk to me like that in public had me on the verge of crying. It’s one thing to talk to me like that when we were at home, but it’s another to do it while we were at a photoshoot to promote our brand. It was like professionalism meant nothing to him anymore. I was beginning to believe nothing, including me, meant anything to him anymore.

           My relationship with Jamal began during our senior year of high school. We’d known each other since ninth grade but it wasn’t until our last year at Braxton-Jacobs High that we noticed each other. Things moved very fast between us and after we graduated, he came out to his parents. They didn’t accept him and threw him out of their home. My parents wouldn’t let him come live with us so I turned down the chance to go to a local university and left with Jamal. He had a cousin living in Los Angeles so we traveled all the way to the other side of the country. While living with his cousin, we began vlogging on YouTube and that was the beginning of it all.

           Our YouTube channel, JCGrantENT, grew into a pretty big business venture for us. We got all kinds of endorsements and had millions of subscribers as well as large followings on several social media accounts. The thing I loved about it the most was that we had a platform to promote being black and gay in America. We had a voice and influence in things that mattered and no price could be put on something that valuable. It was so sad that after building such a platform, we’d reduced ourselves to pretending to still be happy. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time we actually were happy.

           “Don’t forget the damn detergent,” he snapped at me as I was getting out of his Tahoe at the grocery store. He handed me the debit card in a rude manner without even looking at me.

           I snatched the card from him and asked, “Do you want anything else?”

           “We’re low on Red Bull and get me some Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its.”

           I slammed the door and headed into the store. After putting the laundry detergent, Red Bull and a box of Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its in the shopping cart, I headed over to the restrooms because I had to pee. I left the shopping cart by the water fountain and hurried into the men’s room. When I got in there and saw my fitness trainer Kevonte taking a selfie, I called out, “Hey, Kevonte.”

           He looked at me and smiled as he said, “Wassup, Corey.”

                                                   Kevonte

           “Wow, this is my first time seeing you outside of the gym.”

           “Yeah, I know. How are you?”

           “I’m good. You?”

           “Same. I’m supposed to be picking up a few things but thought I’d come in here and take a pic for the Gram since I’m in a mood.”

           I laughed and said, “I feel you.”

           “See you around.”

           “Alright, later.” After I watched him leave, I went over to a urinal and relieved myself. I then washed my hands and when I headed out of the bathroom, I was surprised to see Kevonte standing by my cart. “I thought you were going to pick up the items you needed?”

           “I am but I was hoping we could talk while I did that. I see you already got your stuff.”

           “I still gotta get some bananas.” I began pushing the cart and he walked alongside me. “What do you want to talk about?”

           “Well, you haven’t been at the gym in a couple of weeks. Everything alright with you?”

           “Yeah, everything is fine.”

           “Are you and your dude still having problems?”

           “Um…not really.”

           “That’s good. I don’t see how anybody could be mad at you for a long time anyway.”

           I blushed and rolled my eyes as we made it to the produce section. I grabbed two bunches of bananas and put them in the shopping cart before asking him, “Will you be working with anyone else tomorrow?”

           “Nope, I’m free tomorrow. You wanna get in a good workout?”

           “I sure do.”

           “Cool, I’ll think of some good routines to put together for you. I hope you’re ready to put in some work. You know how intense I like to get with it.”

           “Oh, I know.”

           “You know what?” Jamal asked, popping up out of nowhere.

           “Baby, what are you doing in here?” I asked. “I got everything and I’m about to go to the register.”

           He put his finger in Kevonte’s face and asked, “Who the fuck is this nigga?”

           “Whoa, get your finger out my face, bruh,” Kevonte said as he pushed Jamal’s hand away.

           “I know you didn’t just put your hands on me!”

           “Jamal, stop!”

           “You might be taller than me but I will fuck you up, my nigga.”

           “Jamal!”

           Kevonte took off his backpack and told me, “You better get your lil’ man, Corey. Because I ain’t the one.”

           “I ain’t the one either, nigga! What the fuck is good?”

           I put the shopping cart in between them and pushed Jamal back while telling him, “You are making yourself look so fucking stupid! Kevonte is my gym trainer!”

           “I heard what y’all were just talking about. He said something about doing routines and getting intense. Corey, if you’re fuckin’ this nigga I swear…”

           “My dude, I got a girlfriend,” Kevonte snapped. “I am straight. You really need to chill.” He gave me a look and asked, “Are you gonna be okay?”

           “Man, you need to fuckin’ walk away,” Jamal said to him. “Asking my boyfriend if he’s gonna be okay. I’m really about to lay hands on your bitch ass!”

           “I’ll be fine,” I told Kevonte. “I’m really sorry about this.”

           He gave Jamal a look and Jamal stared back at him until he began to walk away. Once he was gone, Jamal looked at me and said, “Go pay for this shit and then bring your dumb ass outside. Had me out in the car waiting forever on your ass!”

           He continued to talk out loud as he walked away from me and everyone near me stared. For the second time that day, I felt so embarrassed. I paid for our items and as I walked back out to his truck, I prayed that he would just drop it and go back to not saying anything to me. I was so afraid of one of us saying something that we couldn’t take back. We were halfway home when he decided to break his silence.

           “Did he fuck you?” he asked while keeping his eyes on the road.

           “I’m not even answering that,” I replied. “Because you’re not going to believe anything I say anyway.”

           “Corey, just be honest with me. Has he ever fucked you or did you give him head or anything?”

           “Jamal, he is straight.”

           “But you’re attracted to him, right?”

           “No!”

           “You never mentioned that nigga to me.”

           “Because we never talk like that anymore. I try to tell you things and you just tune me out. Jamal, I’m really fed up today. Just leave me alone.”

           “You’re fed up? I’m tired of your bullshit, too. I’m tired of your friends always coming over and I’m tired of your bitching! Now, you got some nigga about to fight me up in the damn grocery store!”

           “Oh my God! You’re the one who came in trippin’ when I told you he’s just my gym trainer!”

           “A gym trainer you never told me about! Is he really even a gym trainer?” He stopped at a red light and waited for me to say something but when I didn’t, he shook his head and said, “You know what, fuck you.”

           The moment he said that to me, I realized that he wasn’t the same Jamal Grant that I fell in love with back in high school. That person simply did not exist anymore. The way he said it was so blasé as if he just didn’t care how I would take it. On the rest of the ride home, I didn’t say another word to him. I was so upset that I felt like crying but I kept it all inside. We made it home and I hopped out of his truck and hurried inside our apartment building. I went up to our apartment and into the kitchen and made myself a glass of ice water. When he came in with the grocery bags, something just snapped inside me.

           “You need to pack some of your stuff and leave for a day or two,” I told him.

           He looked at me and responded, “I pay half the rent in here. I’m not going anywhere.”

           “You’re the one with the problem so you should remove yourself from the situation, Jamal. I’m not going to sit here and allow you to talk to me that way. I am an adult just like you are and that means we discuss things in a civil manner. I understand you’re jealous…”

           “Jealous?” He smirked and said, “I ain’t jealous of any damn thing. That overgrown ass nigga ain’t shit for me to be jealous over.”

           “You pose for pictures and laugh it up with so many other guys yet you can’t stand for me to have a conversation with my gym trainer in a grocery store? You are so wrong. And then you have the audacity to talk to me like some random guy off the streets.”

           “Corey…”

           “Pack some of your shit right now and go stay with one of your friends. Do you need me to call one of them and ask if it’s okay?”

           “I’m not going anywhere, Corey. You might as well get over yourself.” He placed the grocery bags and detergent on the counter before telling me, “Put that stuff up. I gotta go take a piss.”

           He left the kitchen and ran upstairs and after I took the few groceries out of the bag and put them away, I went upstairs and into our bathroom. He was at the sink washing his hands so when he looked up into the mirror and saw me standing there, I told him, “I can pack some stuff for you.”

           “I already told you I’m not going anywhere. And you’re not either. You’re not getting me out of here so you can bring that punk bitch up in here and you’re not going to go stay with him.”

           “See, this is why I don’t tell your insecure ass anything.”

           “I’m insecure now?”

           “You’ve always been insecure. But I make excuses for your insecurities and I have to stop doing that.”

           He laughed a little and asked, “You really are on some shit today, aren’t you?”

           “I’m not the one acting like a child today. I’m serious, Jamal. I want you to leave.”

           “You say that now and then like thirty minutes later you’re gonna want to do a prank video for YouTube.”

           “I guess I’m going to have to prove how serious I am.”

           I left the bathroom and went into our bedroom. I pulled one of his luggage bags from his side of our closet and opened it on the floor. When I began snatching some of his clothes down and dropping them into the bag, he pushed me deeper into the closet and shouted, “Don’t touch my fucking clothes! See, there you go playing and shit!”

           “I’m not playing with you, Jamal! Get your shit and get the fuck out!”

           I stood there and waited for him to pull some of his own clothes down but when he didn’t, I bent down and grabbed a pair of his shoes. He knocked them out of my hand and when I tried to get him out of my way, he punched me. And it wasn’t a light punch or a little smack; he punched me in my mouth with his fist closed as hard as he could. Immediately, the look on his face changed and tears filled his eyes. I was in shock for about a second but the moment I tasted blood; I went crazy on him. I lost count of how many times I hit him back. I kneed him in the balls and when he went down, I ran out of that closet as fast as I could. He was right behind me though and almost caught me as I ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

           “Baby, I’m so sorry,” he said through sobs as he knocked on the door. “Corey, please open the door. I swear to God I didn’t mean to do that.”

           “Fuck you, Jamal!” I shouted. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how busted my lip was. I began crying as I screamed, “You motherfucker!”

           “Oh my God, baby. I fucked up. I didn’t mean to do that shit. Come out here and hit me as hard as you want to and I promise I won’t do that shit again. Baby, please!”

           I reached into my pocket to grab my phone but realized it wasn’t there. I’d left it downstairs on the kitchen counter. As angry as I was with him, I was angrier with myself. I let it get to that point instead of calling one of my friends or his friends to help diffuse our argument or help one of us leave the apartment before it went too far. Still, he crossed a line when he punched me. I just never expected him to ever do something like that to me.

           “Corey, please just come out and let me know you’re alright. Don’t go silent on me, baby. I love you so much and you know I would never do some shit like that to you on purpose. I just…I got so mad. It’s all my fault and I promise you I will make it up to you somehow.”

           “You can’t.”

           “What? What did you say, baby?”

           “I said you can’t, Jamal. You can’t make this up to me and you…” I got choked up but continued, “I really need you to go for a walk or a drive right now.”

           “I’ll do anything. How long do you want me to go?”

           “Go away for two hours. I need like two hours.”

           “And you’ll be here when I get back?”

           I almost broke down as I lied, “Yeah. I’ll be here, baby.”

           “Okay. I’m gonna go downstairs and get some ice for my eye and then I’m gonna go for a drive. I love you, Corey. I love you.”

           He waited for me to say it back but after a little while, he gave up and I heard him go downstairs. I listened closely as he moved around in the kitchen and when I heard the front door open and close, I unlocked the door and left the bathroom. I went downstairs and made sure he was gone before I ran back upstairs and packed some clothes and essential items I’d need. I randomly chose a friend in my phone and called to ask if I could stay with her for a little while. She told me I could and I caught a Lyft to her place. That night, I sent a long text to Jamal telling him that we were over and that I’d be back to get my things soon. I then blocked him before he could respond to the text.

           “Those boxes are going to storage,” I told the movers as I pointed to the boxes. “Please be careful with them.”

           “Yes, sir,” said one of the movers.

           “You don’t have to put some of your stuff in storage, Corey,” my friend Nick said to me. “I have enough room for it.”

           “Nope. I am only staying with you and Darnell until I can save up enough money to get my own place. That shouldn’t take me long. I’ve already withdrawn my half of the money from me and Jamal’s joint account so it won’t take much added to it to have enough to get my own place.”

           “I still can’t believe it’s over between you two. I mean; damn, y’all were together before you even moved out here from back east.”

           “I’d been having doubts, Nick. We’d been arguing more and more and when he did what he did…I just didn’t have any option other than this.”

           “You’re stronger than me. If Darnell ever hit me, I’d still stay with him with my low self-esteem ass.”

           I laughed a little and said, “Darnell would never hit you though. He has too much respect for you to ever do that.”

           “Unlike me, huh?” Jamal asked as he entered the apartment.

           “You told me you weren’t going to be here, Jamal. I’m calling the police.”

           “Baby, wait. I’m not here to hurt you. I just needed to see you in person. It feels like it’s been forever.”

           “It’s only been two weeks.”

           “That is an eternity when it means being away from you. Please, I really need to say some things to you that I probably won’t get to say after you leave this apartment. Can we have a moment alone?”

           “Nope, whatever you have to say will have to be said in front of Nick and these movers walking around in here.”

           “Okay, I can do that.” He moved closer to me and looked into my eyes as he began, “Corey, I apologize for putting my hands on you. I honestly don’t know what got into me and I have already signed up for counseling. We can put JCGrantENT on pause while we work through this. I can sleep down here on the sofa. I won’t go to any parties or hang out with my boys and I’ll do anything you need me to do. You are my everything, Corey.”

           “Are you done?”

           Tears rushed to his eyes as he pleaded, “Baby, please take some time to think about this. You know you’re all I have. You were there when my family threw me out. I don’t have anybody else and you know that. Now, I take full responsibility for everything. I know I have work to do and I am going to do it and I know one day I’ll be the man you fell in love with again.” He waited for me to say something but I just looked at him. As if I’d just punched him in his chest, he began breathing heavily as his tears rolled down his face. He placed his hand on his chest and managed to say, “You’re looking at me like this is the last time we’re going to see each other.”

           “That’s because it probably is. I have spent the last two weeks trying to come up with a reason to stay with you and…it shouldn’t be that hard. I love you; I know that much. I miss the way things were between us. But baby, there is a disconnection between us and it happened when we were in your truck that day and you told me, ‘fuck you.’ For those words to even leave your mouth the way they did was enough for me to know you lost whatever amount of respect you had left for me. It was that lack of respect that told you it was okay to punch me in my mouth.”

           “But Corey…”

           “No.” I tried to fight back my tears but once again, the tears won. They streamed down my face as I stared into his eyes and told him, “I would rather be alone than give you another chance. You’re simply not worth it. And I’m not saying that to break you, I’m saying it because it’s the truth and I’ve always kept it real with you. I left my family to move out here and start this life with you. That was your chance, Jamal! That was the opportunity I gave you! It was the only one I was ever willing to give you.”

           “What about our platform? Huh? What about the young black gay men who look up to us? We work for foundations that raise money for all kinds of causes. This relationship is bigger than just us, Corey.”

           “We’ve been lying to all of our fans and everyone else for a while now. We pretend to be happy for social media and I can’t even remember the last time I actually laughed with you or did a damn prank video that was real and not staged! It’s time for some honesty.”

           “And what about our future? We were supposed to get married and you were gonna change your name to Corey McMillan-Grant and…”

           “It’s over, Jamal. It’s really over. I think it’s good that you’re going to talk to a counselor and I wish you well, but I love and respect myself too much to be someone’s mental and physical punching bag. It doesn’t matter that you believe you’ll never do it again. The only way to make sure it never happens again is for me to leave you and that’s what I’m doing.”

           I was still very angry with him but I felt his pain so I didn’t want to make it worse for him. I gave him a hug and I kissed his cheek and that was what broke him. I honestly did it to comfort him before I left but he took it another way and he cried harder than I’d ever seen him cry before. He went upstairs to the bedroom we used to share and I could still hear him crying as I made sure all of my belongings had been moved from the living room to the moving truck. I actually felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders as I rode away from the building in Nick’s car.

           That night, I posted videos on each account we used to let our followers know that JCGrantENT was over and that I was sorry for not being able to provide a positive example for those who looked to us for guidance, comfort and even a safe place to share their thoughts and stories. I thanked them for their support and I was very careful not to go into detail about what happened because I did not want to hurt any future business opportunities for Jamal. After saying everything I needed to say, I called it a night and climbed into bed in Nick and Darnell’s guest room.

           I was just about to drift off to sleep when my phone vibrated. I unlocked it to see it was because I’d gotten a notification from Instagram. One of my closest friends from home had posted a pic of me and Jamal from our senior prom night and had tagged me in it. I laughed a little to myself as I said quietly, “End of an era.”

[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.

© D.A. Morrison 2019

#D.A. Morrison #short story #drama #love #YouTube #social media #social media famous #mistakes #arguments #fights #violence #domestic violence #break-up #breakup #walking away #black lgbt #lgbt fiction #fiction #tw

[pantsusnifferr]

I’m gonna be hella honest here, 2020 wasn’t the drastic life changing year i had hoped it’ll be.

Now its a tradition, well maybe, not really. Who knows...

Let’s start with the goals which ive accomplished in 2020 yeah?

Have less regrets Live more, experience more, get out of the comfort zone Be hardworking, be brave Work hard for the company Rekindle ties to the ones important to me Start working on my YouTube channel for company Study hard Be more confident, be more social Be a nicer and kinder person

Yes i definitely have had lesser regrets overall, i learnt that listening to that gnawing feeling in my gut is one of the few things that will lead me to get less regrets. Perhaps that’s an indication of something that you really want on the inside. Many times this year i just took a leap of faith and made decisions on the fly, going out of my way many times just to do the things i wanted to do. The me a year ago would never have done any of these things, let alone spend any money or time into such ‘frivolous’ activities.

Lets go through some of the highlights for my accomplished goals.

1. Bought Airshow tickets on impulse and rented camera lenses just because i had a shot i wanna get. 

Ended up getting that money shot and feeling pretty accomplished. It was nice to meet up and connect with fellow aviation enthusiasts and friends from my Air Force days, but i still felt like i didn’t fit in. Oh well, i didn’t regret anything. I set my mind to a thing i thought would be fun and challenging and i did it!

2. Trespassing into the green corridor for an assignment during the circuit breaker 

haha...Definitely isn’t worth the trouble in the end due to shitty unusable footage and total lack of input when it comes to the editing process. BUT STILL, the feeling of walking through thick jungle and jumping over construction barricades and barriers in the middle fo some goddamn forest just to get some footage is an experience nonetheless! Shitty teammates, good thing we managed to pull through and made some friends along the way. Wasn’t worth it, but i didn’t regret the experience one bit.

3. Got into more active activities with an open mind. 

Went to the gym with friends a lot more and tried to lead a healthier lifestyle, cycling, hema classes (more about that in a bit) The me from a couple of years ago would definately never give this idea a shot. Running at least once a week, keeping track of my health, all these made me feel a lot better. I should really get into it more though.

4. Hema classes
. 

Never thought swinging swords around can be that much fun! And i almost didn’t want to show up because i had a sudden surge of social anxiety in the morning before. Glad i powered through that to get to that class that october aternoon. I was mostly on autopilot, depressed and wanting more...but for the last few months of the year, hema classes gave me something to look forward to, and this really changed up my entire outlook then. I suppose having a newfound hobby you never knew you liked changes people for the better.

5. Going out of my way many many times just to help out a friend. Or just to hang out. 

I remember being too lazy to go out and have fun. Too lazy to wanna get up to get something done even with friends. Installing internet access points, cleaning up rooms, setting up laptops etc. Perhaps its the large amount of FOMO i’ve started to develop, or maybe its just me sick of being a sad loney wreck. Who knows, all i know is its a blessing to have friends and i am so glad that they’re willing to give me their time of the day as well.

6. Making videos for work. 

I didn’t HAVE to do this. Autopilot at work is a scary thing, its my own company and i could’ve done so much more... but i didn’t... or rather i couldn’t. I don’t remember what came over me and how i manage to find the willpower to shoot the videos then edit them over a few days. And i have no idea how i managed to actually follow through with it and get the damn thing edited. Not my proudest work, but damn am i proud of myself for actually doing the thing!

7. Keeping at it for school and not giving up.

Statistics, the killer module. Logistics, another killer one. I studied so so hard for it, i thought i was going to fuck it up like how i fucked up my assignments. But I am so so so glad that it paid off. Taking days of work to study is the correct move and i am so glad i had the discilpine to stick with it. Haha discilpline i said, more like letting the panic set in untill i find myself studying as if my life depended on it. But still, an A and a B+ feels really great though. My first A, that’s still something to celebrate for! Thanks for helping, you know who you are!

8. Giving more of a shit for my company

Im a little undecided about whether i should put this under the part about having no regrets. I am happy with the money and growth we’ve got in our company, alongside the many happy customers ive got, I still somehow felt that i have struggled so much and had a lot more anxiety and stress as compared to the previous years. Perhaps i just need to chill. Although i don’t doubt the fact that taking more responsibility does indeed make things less mundane. Appreciate the increase in pay and bonuses though.

9. Spent quality time with family

I used to have this feeling whenever i am around my cousins, these are the people whom i’ve grown up wit,h and who i used to consider really close friends. I just felt that over the years we have just became different people altogether. They’re normies with normal hobbies, living their lives normally and successfully while im just a weird outsider.

Im somewhat glad that we managed to find some common ground in gaming and our talking sessions. Attending their wedding is a weird feeling but im still somewhat glad that a part of them is still the same on the inside. We might not be as close anymore but im still happy that they treasured the times and memories we had just the same as i did. Lets hope i’ll not fuck it up and i’ll need another chance to rekindle this relationship. Still, them being more successful in life and work still gives me this crazy inferioty complex around them.

Talking with my mom has given me a lot of peace of mind. I am so glad that I have a responsible parent and business partner who shares the same values as i do. Makes things a lot less stressful to know that she’s got my back.

10. Became more social

Yep, went out of my comfort zone many times to talk to people and help out when i could! Its always good to do the kind thing and reach out, when i’d just brush it off as someone else’s problem previously. I am really proud of myself for this.

Now for the goals ive failed. Start work on my personal YouTube channel Join the weeb club to find more gamer weeb friends Learn weeb speak Be healthy Learn 2 songs on bass guitar or ukulele Draw at least once a month (I did but they’re not completed art)

Oof, i don’t know perhaps its the lack of time or the lack of effort. Maybe i’ve been putting in so much effort into the other things i don’t have the mental energy to process these. Perhaps i don’t want it bad enough...

Art and drawing in particular has been really bad. I want to be good at drawing so badly but i really just can’t be arsed to practice. Music too.

I think i am definately healtheir than before but i am nowhere near where i should be. Gotta step up!

Now here’s what i wanna do for the next year

Keep healthy, Lose weight! Be even more social! Start work on personal youtube channel Learn ONE SONG on any instrument Draw at least twice in the next year! Live even more, experience more, get out of the comfort zone more! Be hardworking, be brave

#2020 year in review

[staticscreenwriting]

All you have to be is here - Part 2

Synopsis: Billy has fucked up and has to do 60 days of community service at a home for troubled kids and youth. Working with the kids there makes him learn a lot about himself. Also there’s a girl there his age who’s smile is phenomenal and who is way too nice to him.

I guess I should mention there’s a lot of angst in this. Talk of substance abuse later on, physical abuse, emotional abuse. All that kind of gnarly real life stuff. It deals with kids and teens struggling with a a shitty family life so be aware of that.

Part 2 of ?

Part 1 // 

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.  I’ll make a header image at some point.]

I never really ever felt so adored before Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable Don’t have to hide, don’t have to fear All you have to be is here Never really ever felt so adored before And I said I wanna feel like this forever Even if forever’s just for now We’re on fire, let us burn As the outside world, it turns We are here and alive In our corner of time Forevermore

There’s a heavy weight settling on Billy’s chest as the morning sun falls through the curtains. As he lifts his head off of the pillow a pair of copper coloured eyes stare back at him. The cat softly snuggled up on his chest, is more the size of a small child than a cat. It’s big and orange and looks like it’s got no care in the world as it rests on Billy’s ribcage.

Billy lets his eyes wander around the room, trying to take in as much as he can. It’s a tiny room with a couch that’s way too small for him to sleep on properly, but incredibly comfortable nonetheless, and a tv pressed against the opposite wall. There’s a dirty ashtray resting on the couch table next to a seventeen magazine and a vial of bright red nail polish. 

(Y/N) lives here alone, safe for the monster of a cat, he’s figured out this much. There’s hardly room here for a visitor, much less another person. God, what he wouldn’t give for a place of his own. Some place that isn’t tainted with anger and sadness and bad feelings all around.

“ Oh, you’re awake. Great, I made breakfast ! “ 

Billy leans up a little further, resting his weight on his elbows and yet the cat shows no intentions of actually moving off of him.

(Y/N) is leaning against the counter of the kitchen that’s connected to the living room. There’s a light blue fridge flanked by bright orange cabinets and a rusty sink and a stove that seems like it’s about to fall apart any second. It all looks like a downright mess and still Billy finds himself envious. Because no matter how big of a mess, it’s solely hers. 

“ Your cat is suffocating me “ his voice is rough and still soaked with sleep and exhaustion.

“ I told you he’s fat and clingy. He likes you though, that’s good. “ 

“ What’s he do to people he doesn’t like ? “ 

“ Pees on them. “ 

“ Geez “.

Slowly Billy sits up further, the cat slowly sliding down from his chest and into his lap. 

“ Just pick him up and put him down somewhere else. “ (Y/N) directs him nodding her head towards the orange furball.

Billy does as she says, getting off the couch and placing the cat back down, before walking over towards the kitchen area of the apartment.

“ Here. Breakfast for champions “ (Y/N) exclaims and hold out a bowl of what looks to be lucky charms and a spoon. It’s a plastic bowl, a bright orange one that looks like a basketball. He remembers having one of those when he was little. It was his favorite and mom always used it to serve him alphabet soup when he was sick.

“ Thanks. “

“ Sure thing. That’s a pretty gnarly looking fist you got there. “ 

Billy glances down towards his hand. It’s red and swollen and bruised and it looks ridiculous holding onto the basketball bowl. Like his present is holding onto a part of his past that he can never go back to. A part of his past that seems like a whole lifetime ago. That feels like a whole different person all together.

“ Whatever “ 

And really, it is whatever. In the grand scheme of things it’s just a bruised first and some bloody knuckles. The implications of it to be forever his and only his to know about. 

“ So do you do this often ? “ he asks, trying to steer the topic away from himself and his wounds, visible and invisible. 

“ Do what exactly ? “ 

“ Let strangers sleep on your couch. “ 

“ You’re starting to sound awfully ungrateful there Hargrove. And that even though I made you breakfast ?! “ 

“ You poured a bowl of cereal “ 

“ Your point ? “ 

And it’s then, that Billy has to crack a smile. It’s not as if he doesn’t smile during his day to day life. He does. A lot. Only usually they come in order to get something in return.

The smiles come whenever he wants to get a girl into his bed. Whenever he charms the ladies at the swimming pool. Whenever he tries to sweet talk his way out of a situation.

This one comes from some place else. He doesn’t get anything in return. He doesn’t need anything in return.

Sometimes a smile is just a smile and that is all it needs to be.

“ How old are you ? “ 

“ Excuse me ? You’re kinda giving me whiplash here with the change of topics. “ 

“ Yeah that didn’t answer me question at all “ he says and shoves another spoon of lucky charms into his mouth.

“ I’m 17, almost 18. I’m in my senior year. “ 

“ And you live here by yourself ? “ 

“ Yup. Got emancipated when I was 15. “ 

He almost chokes on his cereal at that confession. It’s not something he has been expecting. Sure he was aware that something must be going on in her life but things must be pretty rough for someone to get emancipated at 15. 

Again he finds himself envious. Of the freedom. The independence. Of all the possibilities she has. The one he can’t even dare to dream about, living with Neil.

Envy is ugly and mean and cold and it comes with anger and resentment that directed towards people who do not deserve it in the least. He tries so hard to keep it at bay, shove it down to rest with all the other emotions, all the rest of the baggage. He knows one day it’s all gonna boil over. It comes in little bursts every once in a while but one day, one day there’s gonna be a big meltdown. One that’s gonna sweep over everything like a tidal wave. Like one of the real big ones he used to surf back in California. Back Home. Back when things were better and mom was around and his chest wasn’t feeling so heavy. 

“ Damn, what happened ? “ 

“ That is none of your business. Just uh — you’re not the only one who’s family life isn’t all sunshine and daisies. “ 

There’s something in her eyes as she says that, that seems oh so familiar to Billy. Not because he’s seen it before but because he knows that gleam, he’s felt it before. So many times over so many years. 

People say that misery loves company. That a trouble shared is a troubled halved. He thinks that bullshit. People who say this live comfortable lives. They don’t know real misery, haven’t lived through it.

Billy doesn’t ever want to see the pain he feels in other people. Not that same kind of pain. Physical one he’s caused his fair share of, but emotional pain ? Nah. That’s something he doesn't ever want to see in another one’s eyes. And as it stares back right at him from (Y/N)’s (Y/E/C) eyes, it doesn’t feel like his pain is halved, it seems twice as heavy, twice as painful.

“ Look, that actually brings me to my next point. You gotta get outta here. I need to leave for work in about 20 minutes so … “ 

“ Volunteering isn’t until 4 today, it’s sunday you gave me the schedule. “ 

“ Yeah well, Billy Idol, volunteering doesn’t pay my rent. I work at a diner. “ 

“ A diner ? No way. Do you have a little apron and everything ? Pencil behind your ear ? “ he teases, finishing his bowl of cereal and placing it in the sink.

“ Would you believe it if I told you I even got roller skates ? “ (Y/N) replies and pulls up her lip in distaste.

“ No fucking way “.

“ I wish I was lying. “ 

“ Here in Huckley ? “ 

“ Mmmh… “

“ Dammit, I knew Hawkins was a shithole. Can’t believe this even tinier shithole has a diner with roller skating waitresses and Hawkins does not. “

“ Ah don’t worry, they’re not all as hot as me. You’re not missing much. “ as she says it, she’s smiling and the hurt in her eyes is almost gone. But once he’s noticed it, Billy is sure he will never fail to find it again. It’s always there. Simmering. It’s part of her just as it is part of him. It never goes away, at least he hasn’t experienced that. Maybe someday in the future it will. He hopes so. He really truly hopes so.

“ Bummer. “ 

“ I know. Anyway, you gotta go. “ 

“ Geez, you’re hurting me babe. Usually it’s me kicking the girls out of my bed. “

“ I’m sure your ego will survive. I’ll see you at volunteering later, right ? “ 

“ Court ordered, remember ? “ He says, slipping on his jacket and boots and walking towards the door.

“ I’m sure you’ll have a good time today. We’re doing arts and crafts “ 

“ What ? I haven’t done any arts and crafts since 4th grade. “ 

“ Well then it’s about time your start again, huh ? “ 

“ Are you shitting me right now “.

“ Oh Billy, I would never !” 

- XXX -

When Billy arrives back home, he’s grateful to see Neil’s car is not there. Sooner or later he’s going to have to deal with the situation but he sure as hell is preferring “later”. 

The thing with Neil is that whatever he does, it’s never predictable. Sometimes he’ll yell, sometimes he gets physical and sometimes, those are the worst times, he says things. Mean things. Things that he knows very well will hurt Billy. Things that feel like a stab right into the heart. 

There’s a sick sense of pride in Neil’s face whenever he has one of those days. Like hurting Billy brings him satisfaction. A weird gratification.

It’s disgusting. And sad. And it makes Billy so furious. If Neil wasn’t like this, so sick and twisted and always angry, mom would still be here and they’d still be in California and he’d be a normal teenager with normal problems. No bruised knuckles, no black eyes. A teenager that wouldn’t have to be afraid to come home. Home, this place doesn’t even feel like home. It never did. It probably never will. 

Billy doesn’t know where exactly home is. It’s not here though. 

He slowly trudges through the house, taking note of Susan’s shoes being gone as well. She always leaves them by the door because “ that’s just the way people do it”. Like a proper little housewife keeping her proper little house neat and tidy for her proper little family. It’s making him sick. There’s a lot of anger in him directed towards Susan. Some of it is justified. Some of it is not. He knows he shouldn’t fault her for what happened with his mother. Susan isn’t the one who drove her away. Susan didn’t smack her around day in day out. Susan isn’t the one who decided to just up and leave, forgetting all about her son. Susan has done none of that and he knows he can’t resent her for this.

There’s part of his animosity towards her that is more than justified. She knows what’s happening sheltered behind the walls of this house. She hears it and sees it. This woman has a front row seat to Billy’s misery and she does nothing. Just watches and waits and stays silent. To top it all off, she brings her daughter into this place. Billy wonders if it was Max instead of him, would she still be watching. Would she act ? Despite his problems with Max, he hopes he never has to find out. He doesn’t trust Susan to stop the watching and actually act. 

A mess of red locks dashes around the corner and collides with his chest effectively pulling him from his thoughts.

“ Watch it, shitbird. “ 

“ Sorry “ Max murmurs then hurries past him, only stopping just before the front door, hand already on the handle.

“ Billy ? “ 

“ What ? “ 

“ Are you okay ? “ 

Is he okay ? Yes. Billy is always okay. It’s his default setting at this point. Billy Hargrove — okay. There’s a certain amount of pain you can go through until you become kind of used to it, kind of numb. It seeps into your system and settles deep inside your bones and becomes a part of you and before you know it that’s your normal and you’re okay. But is that really a way to live ? He wonder often. To only be okay, never fully happy. Halfway happy at best. Always okay never more. 

Billy is okay — but he really doesn’t want to be anymore. Okay is not enough.

“ Yeah. Why ? “ 

He knows Max cares, that’s just the person she is. She cares deeply even if she hides it under a veil of teenage rebellion and girl power. He doesn’t want her to, can’t really let himself accept the fact that she cares. Max, with all her spunk and sparkles, is a constant reminder of the life that was taken from him. One with a mother who loves him. One who doesn’t run off and leaves her to fight for her own survival.

And yeah maybe Susan just silently watches but at least she’s there. At least she loves Max enough to be there and no abandon her.

Billy wishes he could let go of the negativity and just accept Max affection. But he can’t. He can’t. Affection that isn’t sexual, is not something Billy ever really gets to keep in his life so it’s better not to feel it at all than to feel it and have it taken away again at some point.

“ I dunno. Just — last night “ 

“ Yeah, whatever. Just forget it alright ? It’s none of your business anyway. “ 

“ Alright, god. I was just asking. “ 

“ Yeah well don’t !” he calls out to her before rushing into his room, slamming the door behind him.

As he looks at himself in the mirror, Billy can hardly recognize the person staring back at him. It’s been like this for a while. He feels very detached from it all. Like he’s living a life through a hazy filter, clouded by anger and agony. His mom would be disappointed in him. For dealing with things the way he does. For treating people the way he does.

Then again, his mom has given up the right to judge him when she pissed off and left him behind.

A glance at the clock lets him know that he’s still got a few hours before he has to be back at HHTCY. He presses play on his stereo and Metallica sounds through the house at a deafening volume.

What he needs now, is a smoke and a shower and in that order.

- XXX -

“ Why are we doing this again ? “ Billy asks as he helps (Y/N) distribute the arts and crafts supplies to all the kids.

“ It helps “.

“ Helps with what ? Confirming that someone is crazy ? “ 

“ No one here is crazy you asshole. No it helps with dealing with stuff. “ 

“ Does it now ? Is that what you say or what the looney doctors tell you ? “ 

“ Look “ (Y/N) says as she places a set of paint brushes on one of the desks “ this is fun for the kids and the experts say it helps them so who am I to question that ? I’m just a volunteer, hell I still go to Highschool “.

“ Oh yeah, you don’t go to Hawkins High do you ? I would’ve seen you. “ 

“ You would’ve not but uh — no. I go to school here in Huckley. Huckley High, Home of the Huckley Honey Badgers. “ 

“ Huh, “ Billy says and suavely leans against the supply closet “ didn’t think this tiny shithole had it’s own High School. And with it’s own team and mascot too. Impressive. “ 

“ Lose the snarky remarks please. I’ll let you know Honey Badgers are vicious and mean and dangerous, okay ? “ (Y/N) remarks and waves around the brush she’s got in her hand, pointing it at Billy every once in a while “ but yeah, it’s just a tiny High School. No big deal. I bet your School in California was different huh ? “ 

“ Was just a fucking High School like any other. Wait — how do you know where I’m from ? “ 

“ You have a California license plate, “ (Y/N) replies before turning away from him “ and I may have read your file. “

“ You did what ? I — that is 100 % against company policy ! “ 

“ Yeah well so is smoking on the premises and I didn’t rat you out so I guess we’re even. I had to know what I was dealing with here. “ 

He’s not mad really, it’s not like there’s things in there that he doesn’t want anyone to know. The things he keeps hidden aren’t written down in any file, they’re in his heart locked away from prying eyes. Safe. Secure.

“ Hey (Y/N), there’s a call for you”. Another volunteer, Jeff, says motioning towards the back office adjacent to the arts room.

“ A call ? “ 

“ It sounded urgent, I don’t know. He wouldn’t tell me his name. “ 

So it’s a he. A boyfriend maybe ? 

Billy quickly shakes that thought from his mind. That’s not a mess he wants or needs to get into right now. Is she cute ? Yes, she’s gorgeous but things are all around fucked up at the moment and he doesn’t need to add a heartbroken coworker into the mix. You don’t fuck around at work, that’s common knowledge. 

“ I told you not to call ! I work here, how did you even get this number. “ he picks up bits and pieces of the conversation that (Y/N) whisper-yells into the phone. Maybe not a boyfriend after all.

“ Well don’t. Don’t call again. Leave me alone. “ when she hangs up the phone, she leans against the wall for a moment, letting out a big breath. Something is weighing on her, it’s clear as day and thought Billy doesn’t want to get involved with anyone else’s problems, he’s still curious about what just happened.

“ You alright ? “ he ask when she comes back “ boyfriend ? lovers quarrel ? “.

“ Fuck off, Billy “ (Y/N) replies, all joking and teasing gone from her voice. She looks around for a second to see if any of the kids have picked up on her swearing. They didn’t or if they did they don’t seem to care. 

Lydia stands in front of the class, telling the kids some pseudo deep shit about painting their feelings and all that crap that they seem to believe in here. Billy thinks it’s absolute bullshit. There’s problems that can’t be solved by drawing rainbows and singing songs around the campfire. It’s a disservice to the kids to make them believe that’s how the world works, with paint and songs and good thoughts. 

“ What I want you to paint today, is a happy memory. A moment you can remember being completely content. “ 

Billy can’t help but let his mind wander, trying to come up with a happy memory of his own. His thought immediately go back to California, that’s where he used to be genuinely happy. Even thought it was a long time ago he can still picture it in his head like it was yesterday. The only joy he feels in Hawkins is when he’s balls deep in his latest conquest, but California ? California at least held moments of a happy past. 

He pictures the beach, the waves that seemed so big to him then. Like huge fluffy curls reaching up all the way into the sky. He feels the ocean breeze on his skin, smells the salt, hears the seagulls. His mom is there, twirling in the sand like some Hippy ballerina. She’s smiling and she’s so beautiful. Her laughter sounds through the air like a long forgotten lullaby. And Billy, he was so young then, so innocent and — happy. The world had not been cruel on him then, or at least he had someone to shelter him from most of it. Back then, she still loved him. Someone still loved him. 

Maybe the beach was just a beach and the ocean just the ocean but with someone there who loved him, it all felt magical. 

She doesn’t love him anymore and all the magic is gone and he’s cold and bitter and perpetually pissed off.

Happy memories are one hell of a drug and nostalgia is a goddamn liar. When he thinks about that memory now, focuses really really strongly and doesn’t allow the filter of nostalgia to cloud his judgement, he can paint another picture of that day. They’d went to the beach because Neil had been drinking more than usual. His mom had a black eye. The smile didn’t even each her eyes.

The memory was happy to him now because he decided to remember it that way. Though reality was quite another story.

He turns to look at (Y/N), only to find her drawing a picture herself. They weren’t supposed to actually take part in this class, just supervise and setup and clean afterwards. She’d told him that beforehand.

“ What are you drawing there ? “ he asks, peaking onto the piece of paper before her. There’s a big blob of blue and what he can only guess is a swingset.

“ A happy memory “ 

“ Oh yeah, wanna elaborate ? “ 

“ Again, it’s none of your business but sure. It’s uh — it’s Lake Michigan. My mom used to take me there every year for my birthday until I was 12. I loved it there, I love the beach and I’ve always dreamed of the ocean. We couldn’t really afford a trip to the coast so this was the next best thing. There was a swingset there and I could just spend hours swinging and looking at the lake. It was magical. “ 

He thinks it’s kind of ironic that both their happy memories come back to the beach, albeit two vastly different beaches in two very different memories.

“ You’ve never been to the coast ? The ocean ? “ 

“ Nope. But It’s what I wanna do for my 18th birthday. I wanna swim in the pacific. I wanna feel the sun on my skin and taste the salt in the air. “ 

“ Once I’m done with school I’m outta here and back on my way to California. There’s room in my Camaro if you want to carpool. “ 

“ Spending several days in a car with you ? Why would I do that ? You’re aggravating ! “ 

She smiles though. When she says it she smiles. He’s heard those words from Neil before. Aggravating. They stung then, they don’t sting now. There’s no malice in them this time. She says them almost like a compliment. What the fuck is going on here ? 

“ I’ve been told. You’re not a very good artist. “ 

“ And you’re not a very good flirt and yet all girls seem to swoon at the mere thought of you. “ 

“ Do they now ? “ he asks, signature Billy Hargrove smirk playing on his lips. “ How would you know that ? “ 

“ I have friends at Hawkins High. “ 

“ And you talked to them about me, now isn’t that adorable. “ 

“ Don’t flatter yourself, man. “ 

“ You think about me, that’s so cute. Honestly I can’t blame you. “ 

“ Oh my god your ego is the size of a small country. Unbelievable. “ 

“ Don’t get shy now (Y/N). “ 

“ Could you please stop. “ she says but she’s laughing. Her laugh is warm and comfortable and honest. It’s a laugh that reminds him of days when he wasn’t bitter or sad or angry. 

 “ Never, I’m never letting that go. “ 

“ That’s what I’m afraid of. “ 

And when she goes back to drawing on her memory, Billy thinks that maybe there are little happy moments here in Indiana. They don’t make great memories to think back to and they’ll probably dull and vanish someday in the future. They’re not monumental or important. But they are there. In the teasing and the laughter. Even if it’s just a temporary feeling. It’s there. It’s real. It’s his. 

- XXX -

The following week is exhausting for Billy. He’s constantly on the go, driving to school then work then HHTCY. He can’t wait for the pool season to be over so he can scrap that off of his schedule and find a job that doesn’t require him to just sit around in the sun all day. It used to be fun at first but at this point it’s just a drag.

It’s friday evening as Billy sits on the cushioned chair in what is technically not (Y/N)’s office watching her do the last of the paperwork for that day. They both have the next saturday off and even though Billy is still expected to see Dr. K. he’s so glad to not have to work or go to school for at least one day. 

“ You got any plans tonight? “ he asks (Y/N), who only glances up at him for a moment then focuses back on the paperwork.

“ Nah, why ? “ 

“ Just thinking. There’s a party at a classmates house. Her parents are loaded, huge mansion. Free drinks. You should come. “ 

“ Are you asking me to come to a party with you ? “ 

“ That’s exactly what I just did. “ 

Before she can answer a knock sounds at the door and Alex, one of the girls who stays at HHTCY permanently steps into the room.

“ Hi (Y/N) I just uh — oh hi Billy “ she says as she spots him sitting in the corner and blushes.

“ Hi ? “ he’s never spoken a single word to this girl. She’s about 13 or 14, around Max’s age. There’s a mop of bleach blonde hair on her head and she’s wearing entirely too many bangles on her wrists. 

“ You wanted something ? “ (Y/N) chimes up and Billy can see the smirk pulling at the corner of her lips. What is this all about ? Girls really are a different species all together.

“ Oh yeah. I’m staying at my mom’s in Hawkins for the night. Lydia has sign off on it already it’s all fine, I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving right now. I’ll be back by noon tomorrow. “ 

“ Okay cool. I hope you have a good day at your mom’s “ 

“ Yeah me too. Thanks. Bye. Oh and uh — bye Billy. “ 

“ Bye ? “ 

When she leaves and closes the door, (Y/N) descends into a fit of giggles. 

“ What’s so funny ? “ 

“ She has the biggest crush on you and you don’t even notice”.

“ She’s a kid ! “ Billy points out.

“ Yeah well I was a kid when I had a crush on Mark Hamill “ 

“ Mark Hamill ? “ Billy asks incredulously “ Star Wars ? “.

“ Yeah ? What about it ? “ 

“ Oh my god, you’re a nerd. You have a crush on Mark Hamill and you named your cat after him. You’re a nerd, (Y/N). “ 

“ Uh, no I just like good movies and Mark Hamill looked very dreamy. Get off my case. “ 

“ Never “ he laughs and it’s then that he realizes that he’s laughed more in the time he’s started working here than he has in the last few years. It feels — freeing. It feels good.

“ So who was your crush then, huh ? “ 

“ Pff, I’m never gonna tell you that. “ Billy scoffs “ so how about that party ? “ 

#billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #stranger things imagines #dacre montgomery imagine #dacre montgomery fanfiction #dacre montgomery fanfic

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (6)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 2.9k (this chapter), 19.7k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Hope my friends and I didn't make things weird for you yesterday. We're heading to the city around noon if you're still up for helping us with the boring part.

noon?? fucking alright i guess i gotta put pants on

lmao yeah, sorry. My parents woke us up at EIGHT like that's a normal time to be awake????

desgostang

What?

ill send u the link later and also no i didnt feel weird yesterday you guys are nice

That's good! And hey I wanted to ask. You were kind of put on the spot with introducing yourself, would you rather we called you Dan or Winnie? I just wanna make sure we aren't making you uncomfortable at all lmao

no its all fine you can call me dan idc and actually its best if you do call me dan when youre in my work lmao

Are you totally sure?

why would i lie abt this. dont be an idiot it isnt a good look on you

haha okay. I’ll see you around noon.

--

“Christopher is a nice boy,” Phil’s mum is telling him as she helps him with their fancy new coffeemaker. There are so many buttons and Phil is so, so tired. “And Sophie is lovely, such a soft-spoken thing. Why haven’t we met them before, dear?”

“Dunno,” Phil says instead of the truth, which is that he’d had no idea how he was supposed to introduce them. “You have now, though.”

His mum laughs and reaches up to pat his cheek. “True enough. I’m so happy that you’ve got good people around you, Philip. I’ve gotten quite worried about you down there by yourself, you know.”

“I’m not by myself,” says Phil. “I live with, like, thirty people.”

“Bunch of strangers, I’ll bet,” she says, because she knows him. “Aside from those three.”

The thing is, she’s not wrong. Phil’s obviously exaggerating about the number of people under the roof of the creaky Brighton house, but the truth is that he can’t keep track half the time. A lot of the rooms get sublet out randomly, or a significant other will start spending so much time around the place that they might as well pay rent, and Phil really isn’t good with new people. He gets along fine with Holly and Dave, but they’ve been there as long as he has and the closest they’ve ever come to a heart-to-heart was comparing anxiety meds over burned pancakes.

Chris and Sophie were there when Phil moved in, and they’d taken one look at him and decided to just keep shoving into his space until he liked having them there, like they were on a mission to adopt PJ’s sad, ghost-obsessed friend from the internet.

“You might be right,” Phil says, feeling a smile tug at his lips for the first time all morning. He’s already had a coffee - and a half, when PJ declared that not even Kath could make coffee taste good and shoved the rest of his Phil’s way - but he still doesn’t feel fully awake. “I’m only really friends with Chris and Soph because of PJ.”

“PJ is a good friend to you, isn’t he?” his mum hums. That slightly pointed tone doesn’t get to Phil the way it usually does, because he knows that she’s just trying to understand him.

It doesn’t escape Phil’s notice that he’s looking into a mirror whenever he sees his parents watching him carefully, waiting for him to tell them something he hasn’t explicitly said, because he’s been doing the exact same thing to his housemates for nearly two years.

Maybe he’ll tell his parents when he’s got someone serious or even, like, semi-serious. Longer than two dates would be a record at this point. But right now he already feels like he’s been one misstep away from disappointing them, and he doesn’t want to take the gamble that his sexuality will be that misstep.

He’s not up for this conversation, though, isn’t sure he’ll ever be, so he just says, “Yeah, he is.”

--

Dan is late. They’re so late, actually, that Phil’s wheel of worst case scenarios has been spinning silently and getting faster and faster the more caffeine he chugs. They roll in with flushed cheeks and a jacket that looks too thin, apologies on their shiny lips that Phil doesn’t even hear for a couple of seconds because he’s too busy staring at them.

“No worries,” Sophie says, interrupting their rambling before they lose another half hour to it. “You want something? I’m getting a refill.”

“No, no, let me,” says Dan. They shrug off their jacket and hang it on one of the empty chairs. Phil and his friends have co-opted the largest table in the place so they can spread out with their laptops and notebooks, and it doesn’t escape Phil’s notice that Dan has decided to sit next to him when they’ve got a couple of options. “I get free drinks if Gabe’s in a good mood. Anyone else need a refill?”

“Me,” Chris says, not looking up from his screen. “Not Phil. He’s cut off.”

“Hey,” Phil protests weakly. His heart rate really has picked up since they sat down, so he knows Chris has a point.

Dan grins, their soft cheeks giving way to the dimples that Phil is very quickly growing obsessed with. He just wants to make Dan smile and laugh constantly, to hear them cackle and see all the lines in their round face deepen with happiness.

Right. Phil watched a horror movie with PJ instead of unpacking this fluttering start of a crush last night, and now he’s just got to deal with it for the rest of the day.

As if it’s a compulsion, Dan clears the empty mugs from their table before heading up to the counter. Phil focuses on the EMF readings so he doesn’t get caught up on Dan holding four mugs by the handles with total ease.

PJ has got headphones on and his eyes closed, so he might not even have noticed that Dan is there. He’s been going through Sophie’s footage and his own audio recordings to try and find some anomalies while Chris looks for the weird visual stuff - they’re a great team at that, and it makes Phil feel like he’s not doing enough. Sure, he could find those things on his own, but not as quickly as they can when it’s a team effort, and they’re on a bit of a tight schedule here. Well, his housemates are. They’ve got actual jobs to get back to once the weekend is over.

Allegedly, Sophie is doing research on sigils, but it looks to Phil like she’s just doodling. Not that he really blames her if she is. He’s barely been paying attention to the chart he’s making of spikes in electromagnetism because he’s been so busy watching the door for Dan.

And Dan looks… good. They’re wearing chunky boots and a shirt that falls to their thighs - a dress, maybe, but it looks like a regular black t-shirt that got extended at the hem - with tight white jeans. The only colour on them is the plaid shirt around their waist and the shiny red product on their lips to match it. Phil watches them lean against the counter and grin at the older barista, and he’s so distracted by looking at their profile that he startles when a foot connects with his under the table.

“Stop staring,” Sophie says, quiet and smiling. “He’s going to notice.”

Phil considers correcting her, but then he remembers that he probably doesn’t have to. Dan had said any pronouns, that they didn’t care how they were referred to, so it would definitely be weirder to act like he knows better than Sophie.

He knows he won’t be able to use masculine terms for Dan. Not because they aren’t true, because he’s pretty sure they’re no less accurate than neutral or feminine would be, but because thinking of Dan as a maculine person is only going to allow Phil’s brain to fall into the familiar traps of gender in ways he doesn’t want to allow.

Gay monkey brain doesn’t need any more leeway in finding Dan attractive, that’s for damn sure.

“So, what are we doing?” Dan asks, interrupting Phil’s thoughts, and, wow, four mugs is a lot more impressive when they’re full of hot liquid. Phil marvels at Dan’s ability not to trip and spill it all as they dole out the coffee and teas.

“I’m doing the boring part,” says Phil. He turns his screen so Dan can see the Excel spreadsheet and laughs at the face they make. “Yeah. It's not glamorous, but it's the easiest way to find patterns in the EMF readings. Honestly, most of my job is just staring at things and finding patterns in them. Like, uh, what's that guy? With the butterfly splotches?"

"Worcestershire," Chris suggests.

"Rorschach," Dan corrects him, lips twitching like they aren't sure if they're allowed to laugh in Chris' face or not.

“That’s exactly what I said,” says Chris.

“You know EMF meters don’t have anything to do with ghosts, right?” Dan asks, ignoring Chris completely and leaning a bit closer to Phil to get a better look at his laptop. “I mean, none of this has anything to do with ghosts, really, but you’re more or less just measuring electricity.”

Phil is aware of that. He wonders if Dan thinks he just stumbles into haunted houses with equipment he hasn’t researched and waits to be spooked. He’s too distracted by how close Dan is and how good they smell to work up to proper offense, though. “Yeah,” he says simply. “But don’t you think it’s weird that the place still has electricity to begin with? Who’s paying for that?”

“A Wilkins, I’d imagine.”

“But why? If they’ve forgotten about the property or abandoned it on purpose, surely they wouldn’t still pay the bills.”

“Maybe they don’t handle their own finances,” Dan suggests. “How rich were these assholes?”

“I honestly don’t know,” says Phil. He taps his fingers in an erratic pattern on the edge of his laptop, trying to spark something in his mind.

It’s almost disappointing when Dan pulls away to dig out their own sleek Macbook out of their messenger bag, but Phil is also glad for it. He can think a lot easier when the warm scent of spice and mint isn’t clogging his brain.

Dan slots into the work as easily as if a space was left for them. They’ve got dozens of tabs open already and they start to go through them, cross-referencing magic things with Sophie in quiet tones and digging deeper into the Wilkins family than Phil ever would have thought to. Every so often they tap Phil on the arm and drag him into whatever rabbithole they’ve fallen down, chatting animatedly.

Phil knows, objectively, that Dan is a fan of his and that Dan is weird about research. It’s another thing entirely to watch it happen in real time, to see Dan pull up local census PDFs from the eighties and explain why chaos magic is bullshit in the same breath.

An hour or so goes by like that, all of them working on their own things with minimal words exchanged by everybody but Dan, and then Chris shouts loud enough to make the barista jump. Nobody else is in the coffee shop right now, which is lucky, because Dan’s got a hand over their chest and Sophie has slopped tea down her front. PJ, with his headphones on, simply cracks an eye open.

“What the fuck was that about?” Phil asks, putting his own palm against his chest to feel his heart race. Dan raises their eyebrows and looks at Phil, seemingly distracted from the startling, wordless exclamation.

They don’t get a chance to say whatever they’re thinking, though, because Chris is turning his laptop to the rest of the table and grinning wide like the Cheshire Cat. “I found something.”

Everybody gathers round, PJ getting up to lean over the back of Phil’s chair and Sophie getting so far into Dan’s personal space that Phil is certain they’re uncomfortable with it, and then Chris presses play upside down. It’s part of Sophie’s footage, Phil standing in the dim foyer and looking frustrated. Even without sound, Phil can tell that this is when he was arguing with Sophie about going upstairs. He squints, but he can’t see whatever it is that’s got Chris being so loud.

“What am I looking at?” PJ asks when the short clip ends, and Dan hums an agreement. Chris makes a frustrated noise like they’re being obtuse on purpose and rewinds to the beginning.

"There," Chris says, excited like he hasn't been since they got to Manchester. He taps his finger against the laptop screen. "D'you see it? D'you see the shadow?"

Now that Chris has pointed it out, Phil does see something. He moves his own laptop and notebook out of the way to pull Chris’ closer with a frown. Chris lets him do that, bouncing in his seat a little bit.

“That’s straight up a person,” Phil says slowly, tracing the outline of the shadow with the mouse. It’s behind him, in the entry to the kitchen, and it looks tall. Quite a bit taller than Phil, anyway, if he’s remembering that doorframe correctly. He decides to measure it next time they go so he isn’t going off memory. “I knew we weren’t alone in there. Like. I’m not crazy, that’s a human being.”

“That’s what I thought,” says Chris. “But press play.”

So Phil presses play. He watches the shadow stay perfectly still in the kitchen doorway until, suddenly, it’s not there anymore. He blinks, rewinds, and watches it disappear again.

Phil’s caffeinated brain is firing on all cylinders now. He grins and shoves his sleeves up to his elbows before he starts fiddling with the clip. The lighting gets played with until the shadow is more obvious and then he slows it down to 0.25 times speed to see if the shadow really just vanishes.

He presses play again. This time, with a very slow-motion Phil talking in the foreground, he sees the shadow move. It runs sideways, further into the house.

“What the fuck?” Dan breathes.

“We are not going back there without some serious protection,” PJ says, even firmer on the topic now.

“What, like sigils?” Dan asks, their pretty eyes wide even as they scoff. “You’d be better off with a fucking, like, baseball bat, mate. That doesn’t look like something that wants to be your friend.”

“I’ve got a crowbar in PJ’s trunk,” Phil says, absent-minded as he plays with the clip some more.

“Excuse me? When did you put that in my car?”

“Couple months ago.”

“Huh. How have I not noticed?”

“You’re not the most observant person I’ve ever met,” says Phil. He looks up at Chris, who’s got the same exhilarated look that Phil is sure he’s mirroring. They don’t get evidence like this very often, something so clearly there that it’s even got a skeptic’s mind racing. Phil exports the edited clip and then the original, putting them both into the Cloud and emailing them to himself. “Was this the only time you saw it?”

Chris nods, accepting his laptop back when Phil is done with it. “I’ll look through everything again, now that I know what I’m looking for and all, but I think that’s it.”

“Okay, cool.” Phil looks around at his friends and Dan, beaming. “Something weird is happening. I love it when something weird is happening.”

“I hate it when something weird is happening,” PJ says, which is a blatant lie.

“Well, we can’t go snooping around until it’s darker out, anyhow,” Sophie reminds them.

“Wait, we’re snooping?” Dan asks, their voice going up an entire octave in disbelief. “Like… you just saw that someone is there and probably not happy about people sneaking around, right? Don’t you have enough for a video already?”

“We’re spending the night,” says Phil. “It’s what we do.”

“It’s what you do,” PJ corrects him.

“Okay, yeah, you guys don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’m coming,” says PJ.

As if she can’t hear them bickering, Sophie turns to Dan with a sweet smile, her eyes twinkling with the same excitement in Chris’. They love this, just like Phil does. “What about you, Dan?” she asks. “Are you going to have a ghost sleepover with us?”

“There’s no such thing as ghosts,” Dan says, their eyes still glued to the back of Chris’ laptop like they can see the shadow through it.

“Guess you don’t have anything to be afraid of, then,” says Chris.

“Uh, axe murderers, maybe?”

“We know what we’re doing, Dan,” Phil reassures them. He reaches a hand out to pat at their arm, feeling a bit awkward about it. “But you don’t have to come with us if you’re scared.”

That makes Dan’s gaze shift. Suddenly, those brown eyes are staring right into Phil’s soul, defiant and beautiful and impossible to look away from.

“Who said I was fucking scared?”

#phanfic #phanfiction #dnp fic #words words words #quiet on widow's peak #this chapter is a little short thanks to me prioritizing my mental health BUT i am still happy with it #so i hope you like it too #even if you might think the plot is slow!

[call-me-alorras]

Hey, so I don't really know if anyone is gonna see this, I don't really care, I think I will feel better knowing that this message is somewhere.

I'm not really lucky, life keeps giving half assed gifts and everything is always really bad timed. Everytime I get a new job I get sick the first week, then I get my period when I'm not supposed to, last winter I worked in a restaurant and I swear, two weeks in my stomach started to very badly react to acid. Took time to figure it out so I lost my job from being always sick. With my new job I had a tough start, first week I ran out of medicine for my stomach, then I had my period TWICE in a row. You know, life.

I'm 17, crying because I have to pay a rent for my dad's basement that doesn't even have a kitchen, sink or toilet. We have a shower tho. I can't clean the dishes without using my dad's dishwasher upstairs (so I have to carry a shitload of plates and bowls upstairs to get them wash and then get them back down in the basement). Anyway, I don't make enough money right now so I can't pay my dad and I owe him around 2000$ right now that me and my boyfriend have to pay back for the food and living expenses of the last few months. I want to leave this unsanitary lifestyle but I can't even pay the 400$ my dad is charging me every month with the job I have right now. I'm trying to save some money for my dad but I can't get 200$ out of my account without having to cut on the food.

Anyway, I don't think my life is that sad, but I'm 17 and crying because even by giving my health to my job by choosing to work 30h a week while being sick I can't afford a place to sleep and eat without worry. And I know it's common, I actually don't know anyone who isn't struggling financially while working full time. That's crazy.

And I always thought my dad understood me, and I think he does most of the time. But he told me today that's normal for a young adult to struggle. Yeah right, but I don't know, me and my boyfriend are both working, we have to pay rent and a little food but that's it, and we can't even afford that? My dad didn't work for a full year after my birth and only living on my mom's salary. That's how different it is. Two people can't afford what my mom could by working alone with a child to tend to.

Anyway I'm also really sad about the world, I wanna make my own place in it but sometimes I think about how this world is not worth the effort of working 40h a week to live in debts because anyway you can't afford school to finally have a degree that took some much of your life force to get that you already hate the job before actually starting the mundane career you jump into at 16 when you chose what school program you wanted to follow. And then people tell you how normal is it to give up your dream and health and time for a little comfort and a 2 weeks vacation a year. People don't even see their children growing anymore, you birth them and then go back to work because you can't let your career go down, and one day you check on your kid and they're 5 years old but since you just worked and worked you never found time to actually watch your kid and now some really fuck up and untitled asshole pop up everywhere because no one can take care of a kid correctly without letting down their job.

And people don't even care about that! People are rioting for masks and some old farts are now being asshole to a poor customer service worker that doesn't even know why they're working anyway because life on earth is dying so why bother you know?

All this seems pretty depressing, but I actually enjoy life. Smoking a little weed, having fun, a little beer, watching my dog run with his ears in the wind, the little ant on the table looking for food, some candles and a freshly washed bed, a fun car ride, a day out skating, having friends for dinner, talking shit about people in high school, you know, life in its good form. But you know, what's the point really? Why should I give my all to a blur and compromised society that doesn't even give back half. I can't even afford to buy new panties, that's how fucked I am. I have to check my bank account before buying milk, and don't get me started on my phone. I give my time, my life, to a toxic workplace filled with old people who are completely disconnected from the world who remind me everyday how poor this society is, I can only watch them while they buy their chips and soda and frozen food and scream to anyone how free they are and how the world should turn.

I have to deal with people like this around 7h a day, 5 day a week for 350$ and I can't even have my own place. I feel so broken, and let down, and forgotten, and curse, and poor, and dirty, and lazy, and tired, and empty because except working until you die the only option you have is to be fucking lucky and win the lottery of life and maybe have something else to do then die inside.

Anyway, I know life isn't about money, but if I had some I could actually give donation to the cause I support, I could feel safe in my space after a day of dealing with Karens, i could educate myself instead of standing still being a damn cash register and I could have clean and comfortable underwear and that's pretty much all I want...

Oh and I'm so sorry, to all the people changing the world right now, I'm doing my best from home but I can't do much more. Black lives matter. And animal cruelty is making me cry at night. And the president of the United States scares me. This world is wrong, and I wish I could do more to make it right for a lot of people who are suffering for a few white old ass. But I'm struggling to find my own way, I hope the world will still be standing when I'll find a way to live.

Still have a lot to say about how sad this world is but I have to go back to work. :))

#financial help #self help #send help #im screwed #life is sad #and a joke #feeling anxious #anyway #donald trump will kill us all and thats okay because i cant afford to live #i cant afford this #too poor #life #i wish life could really be a cake #relatable #every millenials #customer service #wear a fucking mask #you're full of viruses

[otherworldqueen]

sentence starters compilation!

PICK FROM THE COMPILED LIST FOR SOMETHING YOUR CHARA WILL SAY TO CETUS, SEND IT TO MY ASKBOX AND I’LL MAKE A THREAD OUT OF IT.

these will be for canon threads, so please keep that in mind! i’ll reblog another thing later for AU stuff ;)

if you have an idea to go along with the sentence, feel free to let me know in my askbox as well 

caring for stubborn muses bc good lord cetus is a stubborn boi

“at least let me clean the wound!” “you’ll be even worse off if you don’t let me bandage this.” “i really think you need to see a doctor.” “i made you some soup, and i’m going to sit here until you eat it. i can wait.” “your feelings matter too! i can’t help you if i don’t even know what’s making you upset!” “..i’m here if you need anything, okay?” “stop trying to push yourself! you can’t do this on your own!” “listen, i know you don’t want to, but.. maybe you should rest for a while. you’re not going to get anywhere like this.” “i’ll make you a deal: i’ll just get you some bandages, and nothing else, and you stop making a fuss over it.” “how long has it last been since you slept?” “have you even been taking your medicine?” “i know you think you have to get through this by yourself, but you have people here to help you.” “let me take care of you, for once.” “you’re gonna hurt yourself even more if you do stupid things like that!” “i hate to break it to you, but you’re not supposed to do any strenuous physical activity for the next couple weeks, and if i have to personally make sure you don’t every waking hour of the day then i’m fully prepared to do that.” “it’s okay to cry in front of me, you know. you don’t have to carry this alone.” “stop trying to act like you’re not bleeding out in front of me!! this is serious!” “listen, asshole. i’m gonna carry you home whether you like it or not. you’re not in any condition to get there yourself.” “oh my god, why didn’t you tell me it was this bad?!”

general caring 

❝  i’m here for you.  ❞

❝  let me help with that.  ❞

❝  i’m here.  ❞

❝  nothing’s gonna hurt you.  ❞

❝  if they do it again, you tell me.  ❞

❝  i’ll protect you. ❞

❝  i’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you.  ❞

❝  let me take a look…  ❞

❝  i’m a phone call away.  ❞

❝  you should have called me.  ❞

❝  here, sleep.  ❞

❝  if you wanna talk, i’m here.  ❞

❝  hey, shh, it’s okay.  ❞

❝  i’ll never let you go.  ❞

❝  you’re with me now.  ❞

❝  nothing’s gonna take you from my side.  ❞

❝  i’ll do what i have to.  ❞

❝  i need you to stay here, okay? i got this.  ❞

❝  it’s safe here.  ❞

❝  i’m fine, let me see your face.  ❞

❝  we’re gonna have to keep ice on that.  ❞

angst

“I can’t do anything right.”

“Please don’t cry.”

“Why are you awake right now?”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“Wake up! Please wake up.”

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

“Don’t you ever do that again!”

“Is that blood?” “…..No?”

“Please don’t lie to me again, I can’t take it.”

“Do you even still love me?”

“Nobody’s seen you in days.”

“Why are you awake?”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Can you shut up for once in your life?”

“Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know.”

“Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?”

“If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”

“Leave! Me! Alone!”

loving/endearing 

❛  the  first  time  i  met  you  ,  i  had  no  damn  idea  i’d  love  you  this  much  .  ❜ ❛  i  wish  i  could  just  protect  you  from  everything  .  ❜ ❛  i  noticed  you  .  how  could  i  not  ?  ❜ ❛  i’ll  hold  your  hand  the  whole  way  through  ,  don’t  worry  .  ❜ ❛  i  want  you  .  so  much  .  you’re  all  i  fucking  think  about  .  ❜ ❛  you  are  made  of  comets  and  stars  .  do  not  let  anyone  treat  you  as  if  you  are  dirt  and  dust  .  ❜ ❛  i  love  how  i  can  just  look  at  you  and  be  happy  .  ❜ ❛  i  woke  up  and  the  first  thing  i  wanted  was  you  .  ❜ ❛  i  love  everything  you  hate  about  yourself  .  ❜ ❛  pinky  -  promise  me  you  won’t  leave  .  ❜ ❛  i’m  always  tired  but  never  of  you  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  it  ,  you’re  my  person  .  ❜ ❛  you  are  the  peace  i  crave  in  this  chaotic  world  .  ❜ ❛  now  i  wish  we  never  met  because  you’re  too  hard  to  forget  .  ❜ ❛  i’d  pick  your  thunder  ,  i’d  pick  your  rain  ;  over  anyone’s  sunshine  any  day  .  ❜ ❛  you  steady  me  and  stir  me  all  at  once  .  ❜ ❛  and  then  i  knew  that  i  could  become  homesick  for  you  too  .  ❜ ❛  i  just  want  to  spend  forever  getting  high  off  what  it  feels  like  to  be  around  you  .  ❜ ❛  you’ve  got  something  they  don’t  .  ❜ ❛  what  a  plot  twist  you  were  .  ❜ ❛  i  told  the  stars  about  you  .  ❜ ❛  stay  .  i  need  you  more  than  you  think  .  ❜ ❛  you  still  feel  like  home  .  ❜ ❛  come  over  here  and  make  my  clothes  smell  like  you  again  .  ❜ ❛  i  want  to  kiss  you  and  it  kills  me  .  ❜

misc: game of thrones

❛  if  you  think  this  has  a  happy  ending  ,  you  haven’t  been  paying  attention  .  ❜ ❛  say  please  again  ,  and  you’ll  wish  you  hadn’t  .  ❜ ❛  you  forgot  to  ask  if  i’m  a  lair  .  ❜ ❛  everything  i  told  you  ,  is  a  lie  .  ❜ ❛  this  isn’t  happening  to  you  for  a  reason  .  ❜ ❛  this  is  mercy  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  no  good  to  me  dead  .  ❜ ❛  oh  sweet  ,  don’t  cry  .  it  will  be  over  soon  .  ❜ ❛  you  can  see  that  your  presence  has  become  a  bit  of  a  problem  .  ❜ ❛  this  is  turning  into  a  lovely  evening  .  ❜ ❛  those  creatures  who  came  in  the  night  ,  they  wanted  to  take  you  away  .  ❜ ❛  you  remained  loyal  .  ❜ ❛  you  will  collapse  under  your  proud  weight  and  slump  into  a  heap  of  nothing  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  mine  ,  until  you’re  rotting  in  the  ground  .  ❜ ❛  remember  what  you  are  ,  and  what  you’re  not  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  not  lying  to  me  ?  ❜ ❛  we  should  be  honest  with  each  other  ,  don’t  you  think  ?  ❜ ❛  do  i  need  to  ask  a  second  time  ?  i  hate  asking  a  second  time  .  ❜ ❛  do  you  know  how  pleased  i  was  when  i  saw  you  ?  ❜ ❛  you’ve  made  me  very  happy  .  ❜ ❛  bastards  can  rise  high  in  the  world  .  ❜ ❛  everyone  was  already  afraid  of  me  .  ❜ ❛  your  pain  will  be  paid  for  a  thousand  times  over  .  ❜ ❛  none  could  challenge  us  .  ❜ ❛  so  now  you  come  seeking  help  .  ❜ ❛  do  you  know  who  i  am  ?  ❜ ❛  what  use  could  i  possibly  have  for  you  ?  ❜ ❛  you’re  a  good  talker  .  i  like  that  .  ❜ ❛  no  ,  you  have  to  run  remember  ?  those  are  the  rules  .  ❜ ❛  i  think  that  sounds  like  a  wonderful  idea  .  ❜ ❛  our  time  together  is  about  to  come  to  an  end  .  ❜ ❛  you  can’t  kill  me  .  i’m  a  part  of  you  now  .  

misc: buzzfeed unsolved

i’m going to go ahead and cut you off right there, because i don’t give a shit.

what the fuck, is all i have to say to that.

i was born in the darkness

you have a very different definition of fun

do you think we’re gonna die here tonight?

let’s get the fuck out of here

can you even look at least a little bit worried?

oh, you’ve out dumbed yourself.

you do what you gotta do and i’ll do what i gotta do.

if you don’t believe then there’s nothing for you to be afraid of, right?

when’s the last time you ever walked into the dark woods?

give me a heads up if you start to feel murderous, i would appreciate that

one of these times we’re gonna die

i just heard a scream

well, if we just make it seem like we’re in on it, like… we’re here for the cult stuff

we’re here for the cult stuff, we saw the ad on craigslist!

you need to chill, you need to chill out

as we snuff these candles so too do we snuff you from this mortal world, you fucking wimp

you know what? i’m not trying to scare you, but i got a bad feeling about this one

you wanna play? let’s fucking play

do try to kill me

are you even human?

sound like a fair deal?

more misc

‘  you  might  not  have  been  able  to  save  them ,  but  you  sure  as  hell  saved  me .  ’

‘  you  are  not  the  best  part  of  my  life … you  are  my  life .  ’

‘  delicious ,  delicious .  that  man  is  delicious .  ’

‘  he’s  like  a  chocolate  george  clooney  with  a  caramel  gosling  center .  ’

‘  look  at  you  being  the  bigger  man .  i  mean ,  smaller  bigger  man .  he’s  taller .  ’

‘  i  know  this  sounds  crazy ,  but  that  is  not  the  worst  thing  that  ever  happened  to  me .  ’

‘  i’m  happier  than  i’ve  ever  been  and  i’m  not  playing  by  the  rules  anymore .  ’

‘  it’s  perfectly  normal  to  change  your  shirt  fifteen  times  before  going  to  play  video  games .  ’

‘  you  say  everything  happens  for  a  reason .  i  can’t  find  a  reason  for  this .  ’

‘  it  absolutely  kills  me  that  i  wasn’t  there  for  you .  ’

‘  that  was  one  time .  and  i’m  sober  now .  ’

‘  happy  birthweek  is  not  a  thing .  ’

‘  i  truly  believe  everything  happens  for  a  reason .  the  challenge  in  life  is  to  find  that  reason .  ’

‘  it’s  not  that  i  don’t  want  to  live .  i  just  don’t  want  to  live  like  this .  ’

‘  i  dare  you  to  go  steal  her  mic  and  sing  ‘ ( insert  song  here ) ’ .  your  version ,  wrong  lyrics  and  all .  ’

‘  i  have  so  many  feelings  that  i  can’t  process  because  i’m  too  ashamed  to  admit  that  i  have  them .  ’

‘  when  i  first  met  you ,  you  said  what  you  needed  was  a  time  machine . where  would  you  go  if  you  had  one ?  ’

‘  sometimes  i  get  really  sad  for  no  reason .  actually ,  a  lot  of  times .  ’

‘  i  tried .  i  tried  to  be  the  man  you  taught  me  to  be .  i  tried  not  to  ask  for  help .  ’

‘  you’re  allowed  to  be  angry .  you’re  allowed  to  feel  whatever  it  is  that  you  feel .  ’

‘  i  can’t  do  this . i  can’t  hurt  you .  ’

‘  if  you’re  in  there ,  can  you  just  knock  three  times  please ,  so  that  i  know  that  you’re  still  alive ?  ’

‘  listen ,  i’m  sorry .  i  tried . i  can’t  not  care .  ’

‘  not  that  you  need  my  permission ,  but  you  deserve  to  be  happy .  ’

‘  you’re  right ,  i  don’t  know  what  i’m  talking  about .  ’

‘  i  always  thought  the  next  apartment  i  would  rent  would  be  for  us .  ’

‘  i  have  seen  porn  flicks  with  more  plot  twists  than  your  love  life .  ’

‘  maybe  you  should  stop  taking  shots  at  me  and  get  them  back .  or  is  it  your  plan  to  stand  there  and  do  nothing  and  lose  them  forever ?  ’

‘  you’re  always  so  fast  to  assume  that  it’s  my  fault , but  guess  what ?  you  don’t  know !  ’

‘  you  know  what  life  is  really  about ?  friendship .  you  and  me .  right  here .  yeah ,  us .  that’s  what  it’s  about .  ’

‘  of  course  i’m  scared .  i  thought  you  of  all  people  could  understand  that .  ’

‘  dare  me  to  do  anything  and  make  it  really  hard .  ’

‘  i  was  here , dammit ,  until  i  wasn’t .  ’

‘  you  can’t  worry  so  much  about  tomorrow  that  you  forget  to  live  today . be  here .  ’

‘  it’s  got  to  be  the  hardest  thing  i  did  in  my  life .  ’

‘  sometimes  you  can’t  do  the  fun  thing  –  the  thing  that  makes  you  happy .  you  have  to  do  the  right  thing .  ’

‘  whatever  we  did ,  whatever  happened ,  we  also  created  a  life .  ’

‘  how  can  something  so  small  cause  so  much  pain ?!  ’

‘  the  thing  is  i  don’t  have  time  to  be  angry  because  i  have  to  use  up  all  of  my  energy  to  make  sure  that  he  is  okay .  ’

‘  you’re  not  the  boss  of  you  anymore .  ’

‘  slight  problem .  he  found  the  pregnancy  test .  ’

‘  just  because  you’re  scared ,  doesn’t  mean  you  shouldn’t  do  it .  ’

‘  there’s  nothing  you  can  say  to  change  the  fact  that  i  love  you .  ’

‘  this  is  your  baby .  it’s  just ,  it’s  too  much . we  hurt  too  many  people .  ’

‘  it’s  bad  enough  you  wrecked  your  marriage  but  don’t  try  to  wreck  mine .  ’

‘  you  may  think  you  have  a  bulletproof  relationship ,  but  so  did  i .  ’

‘  wow , i  don’t  want  you  to  take  this  the  wrong  way ,  but  i  really  wish  you  hadn’t  met  me .  ’

‘  you  don’t  get  it .  i  know  you  think  i’m  distant . i  am  just  trying  to  survive .  ’

‘  there’s  a  history  of  ‘ we  don’t  talk  about  that ’  in  my  family .  ’

‘  as  bad  as  it  seems ,  there  is  good  and  you  will  find  it .  i  promise .  

#sentence starters

[dobrikswriting]

Used

Request: Could you do a David x reader (female) where she is using him for his money and leaves when she gets what she wants

I feel like I’m not good at not happy endings but I hope you like it!

I plopped down the heavy box that had just been dropped off at my door, quickly reaching for something to open the package with. It was becoming a regular occurrence that I would get packages to my door without even remembering what I ordered since something new was coming in everyday. I swiped my key along the packaging tape to open the box to reveal numerous tops and dresses I had ordered. Sifting through them all the jog my memory of what I ordered I couldn't help but smile. I had the best life ever.

"Thank you daddy Dobrik." I said quietly to myself, picking up the box to bring it into my room. Dating David was the best thing that had happened to me. Sure he was a nice guy and fun to be around but nothing beat the fact that he could afford anything I wanted. I tossed the box next to the others just like it in my closet as I laid in my bed and pulled my phone out. A couple missed texts from David asking me to come over to help him edit a video, I rolled my eyes knowing it would be more of him wanting to cuddle than actually edit. I looked around at my room taking note of all the amazing things that he had gotten me to remind myself why it was worth it to stay with him and off i went to play the part of loving girlfriend.

--

When I arrived I walked right in to the home, seeing David and some of his friends on the couch. His face lit up when he saw me walk in, it almost made me feel bad for not actually caring about him at all. Almost.

"Hey baby" He said walking over to me to give me a kiss. I gave him a peck before walking over to the couch and sitting besides Erin and Carly who were in their own conversation discussing the new vlog they had just put out.

"You know we've never had you over for a video before." Erin said looking at you. "You've been dating David for a while I'm sure everyone would love to see you in one." She said excitedly.

"Yeah, we should do a gossip video that would be fun" Carly joined in. I nodded along, playing the part of Davids girlfriend meant having to pretend to care about what his friends wanted to do too. I could only imagine what those blogs were saying about me. Or what they would if they ever found out the truth.

 "Yeah absolutely." I said faking excitement. "I'll come over tomorrow and we can film it for your Sunday video if you want!" I added. We made plans for me to come over tomorrow and after a while they both left having to go meet Jason for some sort of Starbucks bit.

Leaving just me and David while he still was editing his video. "You know you haven't asked for many opinions on that yet is that the whole reason I'm here." I said scooting closer to him. 

David looked at me and smiled, I couldn't deny that this man was handsome, something about that half grin where he always seemed to be slightly biting his tongue had me questioning if I actually was in love with him. "No this is why you're here" He said sliding his laptop off his lap and pulling me in for a kiss. 

"Alright alright come on you know you gotta keep up with that posting schedule." I said sliding out of his arms to go to the fridge and get something to drink.

"I had an idea." David said turning around on the couch and looking at me. I raised my eyebrow at him questioningly. 

"I thought maybe you could come back with me to Chicago... to meet my family." He said. I choked on the drink of water that was halfway down my throat. 

"What?" I said between coughs.

David got up and walked over to me. "Jesus Christ y/n I didn't ask you to marry me chill out." He said as he rubbed my back. "I just thought we've been dating for a couple months now and I wanna introduce you to my family."

"Don't you think that's too soon like... we haven't been dating for that long." I said taking another drink of water trying to come up with any excuse to not have to meet his family. Its one thing to use a man for his money but to do it and then get his family involved is another thing.

"Come on, its not that big of a step and we've been dating long enough for you to use my card to buy yourself a whole new wardrobe and pay your rent. I think we're at the meeting parents level." David said flashing me the puppy dog eyes trying to get me to cave. 

"Gimme one sec." I said quickly, rushing to the bathroom to give myself a second to figure out my next step. I locked the door behind me and slid down the door sitting on the cold floor.

I could go to Chicago and meet his family and become more serious with him than I ever intended to be. Or I could end it. Ending it would mean having to go back to my life of working jobs I hated to make it by. I’m not the worst person in the world and I do enjoy David as a person so it’s not like I’m totally lying. I thought about how hard it would be to stop once I went this step. Where’s the line, do I wait for him to propose? Do I spend my whole life with him just to have financial stability. David was a genuine guy and I had myself set up pretty good from what he had given me already, he probably deserves someone who actually gives a damn. I stood up and looked in the mirror knowing what I had to do, it was a good run but I couldn't let it go too far or it would get messy.

I came back to the living room David already sitting on the couch again. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to freak you out I just.. I feel like I want to show you off to the whole world" David said, I could tell he was worried by the way his voice quivered.

"David." i started and then stopped not quite sure what to say. "David I can't do this anymore, it was fun but I just don't see us taking the next step." I said firmly bending over to pick up my purse, the one he had bought me.

David didn't move he just looked at me with furrowed eye brows. "What do you mean I don't understand." He said the quiver in his voice much more prominent now.

"Please don't make this harder than-"

"Harder than it has to be?!" David interrupted me mid sentence. "What the fuck are you talking about y/n. Harder than you using for my money then bolting the second I start to think we're serious. You texted me last night about paying for a plane ticket but now suddenly you’re over us when I want to move our relationship forward?!" He said his sadness now turning into slight anger.

"I can't believe you would accuse me of using you for your money Dave." I scoffed.

"Really, cause what you're doing is the text book definition of using someone for their money and I am actually so pissed that I fell for it." He said letting out a sarcastic laugh. "I was fucking ready to invite you into my parents home and have dinner with them what a fucking chump huh?" He said staring daggers at my eyes. 

"It's not like that" I said sheepishly, starting to slightly feel bad. I couldn't even bring myself to look him in the eyes.

"Its exactly like that." He spat at you. "I fell for every one of your moves. I can’t fucking believe this. You actually got me. You got me to care and to fucking do whatever you wanted.” He said looking at you shocked. I could tell by the way he looked at me that whatever spell I had him under was long gone and was replaced with anger, and maybe even a bit of disgust. “Get out." He said harshly.

I looked at him, rolling my eyes one last time. "Whatever." I said wanting to get the last word in, before turning on my heels. Walking straight out of Davids life and back to my old one. At least this time I would be better dressed.

#david dobrik imagine #david dobrik #david dobrik x reader #david dobrik x y/n #david dobrik x you #vlog squad imagine #vlog squad

[jungshookz]

android!yoongi drabble - the vase

→ pairing: min yoongi x reader

→ genre: android!yoongi has retuRNED, usual dosage of crackheadiness, touch of anGst ouch, jealous!yoongi is always spicy, fluff!!!!, a lil bit of making out lol it’s what the birthday bot wanTed 

→ wordcount: 3.4k

→ summary: you take yoongi to a cute lil pottery place for his birthday so how did is it that jungkook is the one who ends up with his arms wrapped around you helping you form your vase? 

→ note: a lot of people have been wanting an android!yoongi drabble because appArently you guys miss him (me too binch) so here he is!!! okay i won’t lie this gets a little depressing but it GETS BETTER AT THE END don’t be upset with me i know this is supposed to be a happy birthday drabble lol anyways happy birthday to min frickin yoongi the man of my dreams 

(gif isn’t mine!)

“surprise!!” yoongi yanks the sleeping mask from his eyes and does a quick scan of his surroundings

a huge shelf on the right with a punch of ceramic plates and mugs

there are a couple sinks in the back

on the right are eight little stools in a big circle with a spinner in front of each one

each spinner has like a… a grey loaf of bread sitting on it

what in the world

“we’re making pottery! isn’t that exciting?? i rented out the entire place for us!”

yoongi ruffles his newly-dyed blonde hair (courtesy of tae) and looks around again

no

not really  

namjoon’s checking in at the front desk and he has to keep a firm hold on tae anD kook to make sure they don’t accidentally knock something over

joon doesn’t know why you chose to bring these animals to a place with very fragile and delicate items everywhere you turn

he can already imagine the cost of the damage bill that he’s inevitably going to have to pay

“Pottery? But it’s so messy. And the end result isn’t going to be pretty.” yoongi frowns and lets go of your hand “Pottery isn’t fun.”

you falter but quickly shake it off and recompose yourself

“well yeah i know but it’s all about the experiEnce and also it’s really fun playing with wet clay you’ll see-“

“Why don’t you just take me to an actual ceramics store and buy a professionally made, beautifully painted and polished, brand-new vase for me? That’d be much better than making one for me.” yoongi scoffs and pulls his phone out

okay

ouch

you’re about to fight back but you bite down on your tongue

you know what

he’s the birthday boy

if he doesn’t wanna do this that’s fine

you’ll admit you’re a lil disappointed because you thought this’d be really fun for him and u wanted to make things with him and also it’s a little too late to refund and cancel the reservations but

what can u do

“okay, well… are you just going to sit here and wait for us?” you gesture to the waiting area near the door

“I’m more than content with that.” yoongi plops down on the squeaky plastic chair before gesturing over to where the boys are “Go have fun. I’ll be here.”

ur not gonna have fun if your boyfriend is sitting all the way across the damn room

you purse your lips and let out a sigh

“ok i will.” you try your best not to sound disappointed and you hAte that your eyes are prickling with tears

u hate that you’re so sensitive

you just!!! wanted to have fun with yoongi and you really thought he’d at least put in a little drop of effort but appArently noT

yoongi’s eyes flicker up from his phone because he immediately sense your distress but

he doesn’t do anything

you hurry over to your spot and yoongi lets out a little sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose  

okay look

yoongi just doesn’t like celebrating his birthday because it’s not even a ‘birth’ day

today is just the day that he was officially put together and turned on and that’s just?? not a birthday to him

and that just makes him feel,.,,. weird

and it just reminds him that he’s not actually a human being celebrating their birthday

and then thAt reminds him that he’s not a human being in general

but he’s in a relationship with a human being which complicates things in the long run

and like

…

it’s pretty depressing stuff that he won’T get into right now because that’ll dampen his mood even more

anyways

the point is

he’s not human

he’s just a robot celebrating its.,. 2nd year of its creation

and he doesn’t want you guys saying ‘happy birthday you’re two years old!’ to him because that makes it sound like he’s a baby which he is definitely not

and he’ll admit

he’s being a little grumpy about the whole thing which isn’t fair to you because you did plan the entire day for him and he’s just shitting on your plan which is making him feel

not so great

yikes

maybe he was a little harsh on you

“you okay?” jungkook’s brows knit together in concern as you sit down next to him

“m’fine.” you murmur and quickly wipe away the tear that’s threatening to fall “yoongi’s just… being a yoongi.”

“he’s not going to… he’s not making anything with us?” jimin cuts in and glances over at yoongi over his shoulder

“nope.” you clear your throat “it’s okay! we’ll have fun without him. he’s just in a mood that’s all.”

there’s a bit of awkward tension in the group and you work quickly to dimINISH it

“so! what’s everyone making??”

“i’m making a mug!”

“i’m going to try to make a kettle”

“i’m making a gravy boat”

“we don’t even eat gravy”

“well..,.. we can use it for soy sauce or something idk”

“i think i’m going to make… a vase.” you dip your hands in the bucket of water sitting next to you before poking at your clay

yeah

you can probably make a vase

it shouldn’t be too hard of a task

“you’re copying me!”

“how am i copying you??”

“i make a mug and suddenly you’re making a mug??”

“wha- there’s only sO many things i can mAKE”

“i can list a hundred other things you can make that’s noT A mug”

“what is your pROBLEM”

“you know what i’m going to make a plate”

“well in that case i’ll make a plate TOO”

jungkook and jimin continue to bicker in the background and jimin gaSPs when jungkook slaps his arm and gets some clay on his new sweater

“you little puNK-“

your brows furrow in frustration as you step down on the pedal gently and your lopsided piece of clay starts spinning slowly

you place your hands around it and feel the clay beginning to take shape around your fingers

you’re just so

you’re mAD OkaY

you’ll admit it

you are mAD

you put so much effort into planning this for yoongi and he doesn’t even give it a chance????? he just rejects it immEdiATELY with no remorse and that is a pretty sucky feeling

he didn’t even explain himself he was just like i don’t like pottery and you should just let me buY a ‘’’’’’professionally-made’’’’’’’’ vase

you’ll show him

you’ll make a GREAT vase and you’ll rub it in his face whenever the opportunity arises

in the midst of your internal rage you don’t realize you’re pressing down on the pedal harder and your chunk of clay starts spinning wiLDLy

“y/n…”

like serIOUSLY he couldn’t even say a simple hey thanks for planning this for me but i’m really not into pottery!!!!!! and you would’ve been okay with that

“uh, y/n-“

oOH you should’ve given him a piece of your mind instead of backing off and reSpEctiNg tHe BirtHdAy bOy’s wiShes

you’ll take his wishes and shOVE IT UP HIS-

“y/N-“ namjoon shoves your foot off the pedal before your clay can ziP off your spinner and whack someone in the face “what is the matter with you???

“nothing, i’m just- don’t worry about it… your, uh… your bowl looks nice so far”

“i’m making a cup” namjoon frowns and looks down at his blob

“yoongi’s just being a dick, you know??” you blurt out and everyone glances over at yoongi who is still playing games on his phone and who stILL looks bored out of his mind

if he wasn’t so stubborn and just came over to make a plate or something hE WOULDN’T BE SO BORED BUT OBVIOUSLY HE DOESN’T WANT TO BECAUSE-

namjoon shoves your foot off the pedal again and scowls at you

“look. if he doesn’t wanna celebrate his birthday, he doesn’t wanna celebrate his birthday. what can you do, you know? don’t force him to do something if you know he’s not going to enjoy it. and yeah i agree with you!! he’s being a littLe bit of an asshole but-“

“yeah, yeah. i know. i’ll let it slide.” you mutter and squeeze the clay through your fingers

“okay, good. you can get mad at him tomorrow. now, i’m going to go and paint a pre-made cup because obviously the cup i made doesn’t even look like a cup.” you give him a sheepish smile and watch as he disappears to the painting station where most of the other boys are

actually all of the boys are there because they’ve already put their creations in the drying station and have moved on to paint some pre-made ceramics

it’s just you

alone

making this stupid vase that doesn’t even look like a vase

you spend the next ten minutes trying to mould the blob of clay into a vase but it seems like eveRYthing is against you today because it kind of looks like a dildo but like a really reALLy sad dildo that’s frowning at you

“whatcha doin” you hear jungkook behind you but you don’t turn around because that’S how focused you are

“making a vase - or tryIng to make a vase.” you mutter

you’re faintly aware of the sound of a stool screeching behind you and suddenly-

jungkook wraps his arms around you and hooks his chin up on your shoulder

you jump in surprise and turn your head and your cheeks flush immediately

“what are you up to?” you laugh lightly and reach down to grip at his forearm to try and wiggle him off

“petty revenge, that’s what i’m up to. play along.” jungkook shrugs innocently as he nudges your foot aside and steps down on the pedal

“petty- what’s that supposed to mean?” you dot a bit of clay onto jungkook’s nose and he wrinkles it

“i think you know what i mean. and it’s already working.” jungkook murmurs lowly before his eyes flicker over to the front

both of you glance over at yoongi and you’re surprised to see him glaring riGht back at you because

uh

UM

well thAT DOesn’t look like how pottery is made at all

yoongi feels his cheeks flare up immediately

he raises a brow and jungkook waves enthusiastically at the bot

yoongi continues glaring

jungkook maintains his smile and explains himself through gritted teeth “yoongi obviously is being an ungrateful ass android, so we’re going to see if triggering a particular emotion will make him get off his ass and come over. i’m all for being the bigger person and letting it slide, like namjoon-hyung told you to do - but i’m also all about being as peTTy as possible.”

he slides his hands down your forearms before his hands are rested atop of yours

and he steps down on the pedal gently

now

y/n like teN months ago would’ve been freaking out because wOW it’s junGKOOK and he has his arms wrapped around me and oh mY god he smells so good

but y/n now?

y/n now is freaking out because woW this is totally working yoongi looks so angry and it feels so good to have this power coursing through my veins >:-)

now

you’ll admit

this is petty

like a little tOO petty for you

you’d never think about doing something as extreme as this but you know what

it feels nice 2 be held when you’re feeling kinda gloomy

and jungkook has nice arms

but so does yoongi

and honestly

you find yourself imagining it’s yoongi’s arm wrapped around you as he continues helping you shape the vase

yoongi is

livid

absolutely

positively

l i v i d

first of all

how dare you

HOW dare you

how dare you let jungkook hold you like that right in front OF HIS EYES

and second of all

he is going to kill jungkook

the second namjoon finaLLy caves in and gives yoongi laser eyes

yoongi’s going to FRY jungkook to a crisp

he knows what you’re doing

he’s aware of how upset and angry you are right now

and he wasn’t going to say anything because he hates conflict and he hates fighting with you

but now

now he has to say something

maybe he’ll say something later

he’ll let you have your moment and then he’ll-

jungkook nudges his nose into your cheek affectionately and yoongi swears he feels a screw pop loose inside of him

that’s noT ALLOWED

IT’S NOT ALL O WE D

“Move, you brat.” yoongi is next to you guys in less than a second and jungkook looks up at him with his big round eyes

you, on the other hand, you’re pretending like yoongi isn’t even there

“hyung! i was just helping y/n make-“

“Move, or I’ll make you.” yoongi hisses and jungkook immediately raises his hands in defence before getting up off the stool

yoongi gives him a little shove and jungkook scowls

he’s about to shove back but he knows yoongi could probably crush his bones just by blowing on him

yoongi takes jungkook’s seat behind you

a beat of silence goes by

ok

he didn’t think this through

he doesn’t know how to approach this situation

is he allowed to touch you

on a scale from 1-10 how angry are you with him (it’s a 12 and he’s well aware of that)

you freeze when yoongi slinks his arms around your waist and props his chin up on your shoulder

“I’m sorry, jagi.” yoongi mutters and you immediately relax

you’re so soft for him it’s crazy

you took it too far so you should probably apologise for that

“it’s okay” you murmur and keep your eyes on your spinning vase “i’m sorry i-“

“No, don’t say anything. It’s not okay. I shouldn’t… I was rude earlier and it wasn’t right. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I just… I’m not going to get into everything right now but I just feel like this whole… birthday thing reminds me that I’m not actually a human being, you know?”

oh

aw

:-(

if you’d had known you wouldn’t have done anything in the first place

you’re about to speak up but yoongi continues talking and you feel him shift behind you and wrap his arms tighter around you

“It reminds me that I-I won’t be able to grow old with you and we won’t be able to have children and- that sucks because I…” he nuzzles his face into your neck and furrows his brows “I don’t wanna think about that.”

and then you feel it

your shoulder is

wet

“yoongi…” you turn your head and your lips part in surprise when you realise yoongi’s crying into your shoulder

oh my god

yoongi’s never

cried before

“oh my god, yoongi,” you breathe out and twist around so that you can wrap him up in a hug immediately

it’s kind of an awkward position but your comfort is the lasT thing on your mind

“And now I’m leaking fluids which proves that today must be cursed.” yoongi grumbles and wipes at his face frustratedly “There’s dust in my eye, probably.”

you’ve never been good at comforting people so you’re not sure what the best thing to say here is because like

there is an inkling of truth behind everything he’s said

unfortunately

“don’t think about today like we’re celebrating another year that’s gone by with you being a robot. think about today like we’re celebrating another year of… us! of you waking me up every morning by ripPing off my blanket and attaCking me with kisses. of you noT allowing me to eat an XL pizza in one sitting.” yoongi scoffs and wipes away another tear

“Is there a point to all of this?”

“another year of… you loving me and me loving you even more.” you lean back against yoongi and plant a small kiss on his cheek “i love you.”

“I know.”

“we don’t have to celebrate your birthday next year if you don’t want to-“

“No, no. I want to. I want to celebrate my birthday… with you. Thank you for planning all of this for me. I really appreciate it.”

he looks down at the vase on the spinner “…But please let me fix this vase because there’s no way I’m proudly displaying this lopsided mug in our apartment.”

“god,,.., looK at them” namjoon gags dramatically before turning back to continue painting his (nicer) cup

“i’d gladly let them have sex in the back if it means he’ll be less grumpy.” hoseok snorts and continues to paint a little daisy on his plate “why’d you make him so grumpy in the first place??”

“i didn’t!!!!! he kinda just came out like that!!”

if you guys were in a cartoon there would be a plethora of pink and red cartoon hearts floating around you and yoongi

obviously yoongi took over with the vase-making responsibilities because he’s a perfectionist

you were going to make a mug or something next to him but yoongi insisted this was the beSt way for him to focus

which is interesting because this technique seems very distracting

you’re perched on yoongi’s lap facing him

“are we getting flowers for the vase?” your arms are wrapped loosely around his neck

yoongi leans forward and gives your nose a kiss

“Obviously. Red roses, preferably.”

“it took me like an hour just to form the shape of a plate and it’s taking yoongi like three seconds to make a perfectly round vase.” jimin pouts and looks at his sorta-flat-sorta-not plate

yoongi’s not even looKIng at the vase it’s like his hands have minds of their own and they’RE shaping the vase pERFECTLy  

like he.,., he’s definitely making out with u a little but his hands are still!!! workING away!!!!!

“that doesn’t seem like a very effEctive way to make a vase, you freaks!” taehyung whines and yoongi flips him off quickly “wha- don’t flip me off! i can cut your generous eight-inches down to a puny-“

“nO PENIS TALK” namjoon smacks the younger boy

“are you sure this isn’t distracting?” you twist your body to take a glance at the vase “because i feel like-“

“Nope, I’m good.” yoongi reaches up and pinches your chin in between his thumb and his pointer finger so he can twist your head back so that you’re facing him

you whine and swipe at the wet clay on your chin “you got it all over me!!”

yoongi grins and leans in to give u another kiss

he’d be happy to celebrate his birthday evEryday if it means you perched up on his lap showering him with kisses

also

there’s a handprint on your ass now thanks to him  

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

masterlist

#android!yoongi #android!yoongi drabbles #yoongi #min yoongi #yoongi fics #yoongi fic recs #yoongi smut #yoongi smut recs #yoongi fluff #yoongi fluff recs #yoongi cute #yoongi bts #suga #bts #bts suga #bts fic recs #bts fics #bts smut #bts smut recs #bts fluff #bts fluff recs #bts cute