Tumgik
#just takes over my mind completely for a short time so like all the depression lies and the anxiety what ifs just
brittapcrrys · 2 years
Text
Shoutout to me and my stupid fucking brain, the PMDD, the general longterm depression and anxiety, the heightened/worsened symptoms of those 2 bc of the annual trigger of my impending birthday, and my general inability to understand or comprehend or Be Normal in a conversation with loved ones. We really did it this time
(Ps I am and will continue to be safe and fine I just. Had a rough hour. Over nothing. And am feeling a bit shit about it buti will sleep and face it tomorrow xx)
6 notes · View notes
barefoot-joker · 11 months
Text
Two Lonely Hearts  Yandere!Miguel O’Hara X Reader
Hey, guys! I hope you all are doing well. This is my first time writing for Spider Man and for Miguel O’Hara. I just think he’s neat. The Spanish I did Google Translate so please let me know if it’s wrong so I can fix it! I hope you guys all enjoy and have a great day/ night!
Words: 2010
Warnings: Implied suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression, yandere tendencies, kidnapping, talk of forced mothership
Tumblr media
BEEP!
BEEP!
BEEP!
I sighed and groggily turned off my alarm. Last night I did not get a lot of sleep, even with my sleeping pills. It has been like this a lot lately and it sucks because the night is when my mind wanders the most. I hate that I have to deal with my anxiety and depression even while I try to sleep. It really sucks the life out of you.
Today I was in the mood to not get out of bed. I just wanted to lay there and let the day pass while I wrapped myself up in a blanket cocoon. I indulged myself and lay there for a while when I suddenly felt like I was being watched. I brought the blanket over my head similar to what a child does to try and get rid of the feeling. 
It didn’t go away.
I might as well get up. 
With that, I shrugged the blanket off my body and slumped my way out of bed. My bare feet slid against the wood floor as I was too tired to try and lift them. It’s going to be one of those days. 
I tiredly made my way to my closet and picked out a f/c t-shirt, a pair of basketball shorts, and my undergarments. With those in hand I made my way to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I set my clothes down on the toilet seat and when the water was scalding hot, I got in. I liked hot showers. They felt like they got rid of some of the grime my emotions left. After I completed my normal routine, I just stood there and allowed the warm water to run down my body. Let the water take it all away, Y/n. Let it take it all away.
Soon the water turned frigid and I knew this was my cue to get out. While I didn’t like wasting water, it felt nice to just stand there and not have to worry about anything. The shower was like a safe haven for me. I could block out my adult responsibilities and emotions for a while and just concentrate on the water. 
Turning off the spigot, I allowed the cool air to pass by the shower curtain and tingle my skin. It was like my actual wake up call for the day. Sliding the curtain open, I stepped out and grabbed my towel to dry off. The fuzziness of the towel was calming and as soon as I dried off I slowly put on my clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror when I was all done. My eyebags had gotten worse and I looked a bit pale. I could almost compare myself to that of a zombie with how tired and dead I looked. 
I sighed and rubbed my eyes, seeing if that would take the dreadful image away. Of course it didn’t, so I left the bathroom in search of breakfast. I hadn’t gone grocery shopping in a long time. Being around people lately was scary to me. It felt like their eyes were always on me and judging my every move. Looking in my fridge I knew I would have to conquer my fear and go out today to get some food. Especially since the only things I had in my fridge were apples, two slices of bread and some jelly. Jelly sandwich with some apple slices it is.
I took out my ingredients and set them on the countertop. I turned to my cutlery drawer and took out a butter knife. Looking at the blade, I regretted taking it out. My hands started to twitch as I gazed at it, ashamed of my thoughts going through. Breathe, Y/n. Breathe. In. And out. In. And out.
I followed along to my breathing technique and placed the jelly on one slice of bread. As soon as this was done, I disposed of the knife in the sink as fast as I could. My thoughts still lingered on the blade, but now that it was out of my hands I felt a bit better. Turning back to my breakfast, I placed the top piece of bread on to complete my sandwich. I also decided not to slice up my apple. I took my breakfast to the couch and began to eat, the silence in the apartment was deafening. I took my time since I wasn’t in a hurry to go outside and be an adult quite yet, not that I liked being in my apartment either. I was hoping to be in a place that was away from the world, my own little dimension. It would be so lovely.
I finished up my breakfast after a while and then wrote out my to do list. After this was done I put on some sneakers, grabbed my bag, and headed out. The walk from the fifth floor down wasn’t a bad one fortunately, so soon I was out on the street. The surge of people out and about made me want to crumble, but I forced myself to trudge on. Once again it felt like I was being watched, but I assume it’s all the people around me. Things can get like that sometimes. 
It only took me a few minutes to get to the grocery store, which is nice that it’s not too far from my abode. I grabbed a basket from the front entryway and began my journey. I had only gotten a few items in when I saw a child looking scared on the side. She had tears in her eyes and I felt bad for her. Even though my anxiety was high, I wanted to see this little girl safe. I walked over and knelt to her height. “Hi there, sweetie. What’s wrong?”
“I-I-I can’t find my M-mommy-y,” she said through sobs.
“Hey, it’s okay,” I said as nicely as possible, “I’ll help you find her.”
“R-really?”
“Uh-huh. Now, do you know what color shirt your mom was wearing?”
“It was r-red, a dark r-red.”
“Okay. C’mon, kiddo.”
I held out my hand for her to take and luckily she did. The two of us walked around the store when the little girl gave out a happy shriek. “Mommy!”
A woman with a dark red shirt and braided hair quickly turned and smiled wide when she realized her child was safe. “Sarah!”
She ran towards us and hugged her daughter tightly. It was honestly a very fulfilling scene. “Oh I was so worried about you!”
“I’m sorry, Mommy. But this nice lady helped me!”
The woman looked up at me and smiled wide. “Thank you so much, dear. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.”
“I understand, Ma’am. It was my pleasure.”
She nodded at me, took her little girl by the hand and walked down the aisle. I sighed happily and continued my shopping trip.
It took me a bit to get everything, but in the end I completed my to-do list. Walking back to my apartment, I thought about the events in the grocery store. I helped out others all the time. Even though I was suffering on the inside, why should somebody else? However, even my kind deeds did not make my sadness go away, no matter how hard I tried. It was pointless. 
After I got back to my house and put everything away, I decided to take a nap. I was tired after all the social interaction. Quietly, I snuck back to my bed and laid down. My eyes closed and it took about twenty minutes before I finally fell asleep.
It felt like a few hours had passed when I finally woke up. I yawned, stretched and got up…or at least attempted to. I was confused when I felt more bed when normally I’d have my feet on the floor by now. Sitting up quickly, my eyes widened. 
I wasn’t in my room.
I was somewhere completely different.
I scooted myself over to the side of the bed and rushed out of the room towards the nearest door. I got out a few feet before I smacked into something muscular. I tilted back and strong firm hands grasped at my arms. “Hey slow down, Y/n,” a voice I didn’t recognize said.
I looked up and gasped. The man standing before me I had seen a couple of times in my city walking around. He was so tall with light brown skin and dark brown hair. He wore a skintight dark blue and bright red jumpsuit and his eyes. God his eyes. The red irises stared down at me and seemed to eat me up. He guided me back into the room I just left and I finally took a long look. It was minimalistic in design. All it had was a king size bed, a wardrobe, a desk, a couch, coffee table, another room off to the side and a balcony. He sat me on the end of the bed before sitting next to me. He grabbed my hands with his and squeezed gently. “Now I know all of this is new to you, but I can assure you you’re safe, Y/n.”
“Where exactly am I? W-who are you?”
“I am Miguel O’Hara, but you can call me Miguel. You do not need to know the exact location, just that you are safe.”
“How did I get here? I mean you kidnapped me-”
“Think of it as relocation, not kidnapping, mi amor. As for how you got here…you were sleeping and I grabbed you. I thought it would be the best time so you wouldn’t panic and stress yourself out.”
“Grabbed me?! That sounds like kidnapping to me! And of course I’d panic, I was taken by a guy I don’t even know!”
“Calm down-”
“No! I won’t! I want to go home!”
“You’re safer here.”
“No! I want to leave! I want to go home, please!”
“But mi querida, you were so unhappy there. I saved you! This way I can protect you!”
“Protect me from what?!” “Yourself!”
There was a deafening silence between us. “M-myself?”
“Yes. While I was watching over you I saw how sad you were over everything. I figured you needed some company and this way I can keep an eye on you. You’ll come to love it here, I assure you. Besides, I feel better knowing you’re here. I will protect you, that I can promise.”
I didn’t know what to say. This man claims he’s been watching me and knows what’s best. I stayed silent. Miguel grasped at my hands a bit tighter and he tried to look into my eyes. I kept them forced on my lap. “Why me?”
“Querida, you have such a kind heart. I’ve seen the things you have done to help those in need. You’ll be a perfect mother.”
“Mother? Mother?! What are you talking about?”
“Yes, madre. I have lost so much and so have you. Why not let our two broken hearts mend together?”
“Because I barely know you!”
I ripped my hands from him and stood up. He followed. “But you will come to know me. I will be the best husband you could ask for.”
“N-no. No! Get away from me, you creep!”
I turned and started to run but Miguel leaped on top of me and restrained me with his arms. “Let go of me! Let go! Please!”
“Shh, mi amor. You’re just tired. I understand. Let me help you.”
I struggled until I felt something pinch my neck. Within minutes my body went limp and numb. Miguel picked me back up and laid me under the covers in the large bed. 
I struggled to blink.  
I struggled to breathe.
“Hush, mi amor. All will be well when you wake up.”
He leaned down and nuzzled my forehead. Just as he was going to pull away he gave my forehead a kiss as well.
My blurry vision then became dark.
731 notes · View notes
t0rturedangel · 3 months
Note
I read all of your fics so far and they're great!! I really like your writing, it's fantastic! :3 Could I request a fic for Lucifer with a reader who is anxious and depressed, like him? - 🐇
╭ . . . 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚙𝚘𝚍 ੭
Tumblr media
𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 ♰ ৎ﹕𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦
Tumblr media
WOOOO I LOVE LUCIFER SM ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY so I'm so happy I have a request for him, i don't think i did a good job since I'm not sure how to write for stuff like this but still hope you like it!!!! also this is short so i'm sorry
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
✧⠀⨾ Mainly, since the two of you probably don't want to interact with the world of sinners, just stay in Lucifer's home.
✧⠀⨾ the two of you are probably coming up with new duck ideas, just the two of you- since literally no one else is welcome : the both of you hate interacting with anyone you don't have to, unless it's Charlie and her friends though that's rare
✧⠀⨾ whenever the two of you get like really anxious, or stare out the window in dread at all the sinners the other one will bring a duck over, like a personally made duck to try and help
✧⠀⨾ Lucifer has defiantly made a few ducks that look like you to try and help take your mind of your anxiety and focus on his craftmanship
જ⁀➴ Staring out of one of the many windows Lucifer had in his home, your eyes scanned over all the sinners and imps alike running around and causing havoc. Their behavior was one of the main reasons you and Lucifer never went out, beside the sheer anxiety of interacting with anyone. Sinners were crude, vulgar and had no respect for themselves or the people around them. At the thought of even talking to someone besides Lucifer caused your heart to speed up, your breathing quickening little by little which was your cue to turn from the window yet you found it difficult to do, the next option was to try and think of something different, anything different, like spending time with lucifer 
The isolation from the rest of hell wasn't bad at all, you had Lucifer, Lucifer had you and the two of you had ducks! dozens and dozens of ducks... it's almost concerning really- you and his would always spend your seemingly endless days in Lucifer's workshop for hours, always designing and creating these silly little duck toys, and while Lucifer would always bring himself down at the end of the completed project, saying how the parts that he worked on were terrible while simultaneously praising your side of the work- it was almost pitiful watching the king of hell say such things though you never indulged or agreed to his self-degradation, instead you attempted to bring his spirits back up by complementing his work. Though, your methods would only sometimes work, as at those times Lucifer would sort of- avoid listening to your words.
     Speaking of Lucifer, and the ducks- you noticed that Lucifer walked in the room you were resting in, a huge smile on his face as he held something behind his back. Your curiosity was peaked almost immediately, what did he have behind his back? was it money? food? a duck? the questions were endless and only came to a halt when Lucifer called to you. ˓˓ [name], my dearrr ʾʾ the tone of his voice perfectly matched his pale face, he was defiantly happy about something but what was it? finally, your mind was off of the outside world and now on lucifer and whatever he had behind his back  ˓˓ hm? ʾʾ was your reply- moving so you would be sitting at the edge of the window sill, your tail wrapping around the handle of the window to ensure that you wouldn't fall however you could only stay in that position for a little while as your dear Lucifer beckoned you down to which you happily obliged.
     Landing right by Lucifer, you and him both shared a smile- your one being more of a grateful smile as he did save you from your anxiety fueled thoughts. ˓˓ Hello Luci!.... what is that behind your back. ʾʾ at that question Lucifer smiled even more, chuckling to himself ˓˓ geeze aren't you curious today? ʾʾ he spoke while trying to hide what he had, you were trying to move around him so you could see what he had in his hands ˓˓ Just let me see for hell's sake ʾʾ you were determined to see what it was, and Lucifer- feeling ever so merciful today- grabbed your wrist to crease your movement ˓˓ Okay, okay [nick name] I'll show you ʾʾ finally! he was going to show you
     It was no surprise to you that what he pulled out was indeed a little duck, but what was different was that this duck looked a lot like you- like really a lot like you. ˓˓ You.. made this? ʾʾ examining the little duck, you smiled at how carefully it was made made- the small details that the duck was designed with matched your visage perfectly, you could immediately see that Lucifer put a lot of time and care into this.. that is so sweet.. ˓˓ yes, why? do you not like it ʾʾ the joy in his voice seemed to falter ˓˓ I love it Luci, it's so beautiful ʾʾ looking up from the duck you faced Lucifer's slightly shocked yet pleased smile ˓˓ I'm glad you like it, I know the both of us have been dealing with quite a bit with our anxiety and stuff so... I sort of made this for you try and remind you that hey! you're not alone! The two of us will always have each other right? ʾʾ he rambled, a golden hue on his face- did he find this embarrassing? he really shouldn't, this gift was not only adorable but so incredibly delightful
     ˓˓ of course! Of course we'll have each other- geeze Luci, this is so sweet what the fuck? ʾʾ instinctively you hugged Lucifer tightly, an action he happily returned. You stayed like that for a few minutes before you pulled away ˓˓ now I defiantly need to make something for you ʾʾ ˓˓ you dont have to! ʾʾ  ˓˓ I sure as fuck do! ʾʾ you laughed, quickly speeding away to start working on something for Lucifer while he tried to catch up to you to try and stop you.
Tumblr media
246 notes · View notes
Text
Feels Just A Little Bit Better
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~700
Warnings: being sad for unknown reasons, just feeling down, spencer being such a sweetheart to you <3
Request by @matthew-gray-gubler-lover: Hello i would like to request a story i have been having a really hard time lately a lot of crying and sadness, could i please have a story where spencer Reid sees how sad i have been and he helps me, fluff & smut please, thank you so much 💗 
Summary: There are days when your depression and sadness hits you out of nowhere, and you can't go to work much less get out of bed. When Spencer sees you're not at work, he knows exactly why and decides to take care of you.
Square Filled: going into hiding for @badthingshappenbingo
Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3
Tumblr media
x
Not everyone will have good days and it’s not expected for anyone to always have good days. There will be times when you get to work and have the energy to solve the case with enthusiasm and hope, and then there will be times when the only thing you have the energy for is to get out of bed.
But you don’t even have the energy for that right now. There is a weight weighing heavily on your chest that makes getting out of bed the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. This kind of sadness, this kind of weight sneaks up on you when you least expect it, not allowing you to get over it until a couple of days later. There is no way you can go to work like this so you grab your phone and send a message to Hotch.
So sorry but I don’t feel so good. I won’t be able to make it to work.
That’s fine. Stay home and get some rest.
The B Team is out right now so that lets your team catch up on paperwork and other things you’ve missed while being out. Hotch doesn’t mind if you sit this day out since it’s a break from the grueling work you see every day.
Spencer comes to work with two coffees in his hands, one for you and one for him. All he hears is how much you love the coffee from the local coffee shop and he has your order memorized like it’s his own. He doesn’t see you at your desk when he comes in so he sets your coffee down on your desk and waits for you. He waits ten minutes and gets concerned when he doesn’t see you. He leaves both coffees alone and heads to Hotch’s office.
“Hotch?” Spencer asks as he knocks on the open door.
“Come in.”
“Where’s Y/N?”
“She called in sick.”
Spencer knows you lied to Hotch. You’ve been feeling down this entire week when he noticed you not engaging in conversation with the rest of the team. You always have something to input so when you were silent, he knew something was wrong.
“Can I bring her some soup? I’ve already completed all my paperwork. You can call me if you need me here.”
“Yes, I know,” Hotch chuckles and pats the enormous pile of files on his desk. “That’s fine.”
“Thank you.” 
Hotch has a lot of faith in his team so when they make requests like this, he’s encouraged to say yes. Plus, he knows if he calls Spencer, he would return immediately. Spencer packs his things and leaves without another word. You live fairly close to the BAU since you don’t like driving. It’s either a long walk or a short bus ride away, and you two would often ride the bus together.
Spencer is the only one who has a key to your apartment so he doesn’t bother knocking on the door.
“It’s me. I’m coming in,” Spencer announces. He walks to your room and sees you beneath the covers. The only part of you that is showing is your face and he can see the clear wetness of tears on your cheeks. “What’s wrong?”
All you can do is shrug. He leaves your room to gather supplies he knows won’t take your sadness away but will certainly help. It takes ten minutes for Spencer to grab what he needs and comes back with movies, some snacks, a book, and some water.
“What are you doing?” you mumble.
“Keeping you company,” he smiles.
“Go back to work, Spencer.”
“I already talked to Hotch about this. He’s cool.” Spencer gets into bed next to you and lays all the snacks out for you. You turn to face him with dried tears and wet eyelashes. “I know you’re not probably hungry but I brought these just in case. If you get bored with the movies, I have a book I can read to you.”
“What are you really doing here?”
“I know you’re sad. You don’t have to tell me why but I’m gonna keep you company until I know you’re gonna be okay.”
A new wave of tears wash over you from how nice he’s being. He wraps an arm around you, pulls you into his chest, and plays the movie. You can’t tell him why you’re sad because you don’t fully know yourself. The only thing you do know is that you feel ten times better in his arms, and for that, you smile.
Tumblr media
x
Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)
356 notes · View notes
lieutenantfloyd · 1 month
Text
Love is a mystery | Robert "Rosie" Rosenthal x reader
Word Count: 841
Summary: With Harry’s help, Rosie finds old hobbies and new love in post-war New York.
Warnings: Mentions, of war, implied ptsd and depression, talk of marriage and pregnancy.
Authors Note: I honestly don't know where this idea came from, but I think my brain needed something a bit fluffy after watching all nine episodes of Master of the Air in two days and crying the whole time. [This is based off of the portrayal by the actors in the Apple TV+ series. I have nothing but wholehearted respect for the real life individuals and situations portrayed.]
Read on AO3
Tumblr media
In the months following their return stateside, Crosby takes a trip to see Rosie. During a nice casual lunch, he spends far too long dancing around the fact that Rosie is visibly not okay, and eventually suggests that getting back into things he enjoyed before the war will greatly help his readjustment.
Rosie briefly considered placating him with an "I'm fine, really," but he only nods, unable to lie to Crosby. 
The truth is Rosie hasn't slept one full night since his first at Thorpe Abbotts and he gladly accepts shaky hands and reddened eyes over the twilight memories of what he saw and those he's lost.
Yet, after a night of particularly bad insomnia, he takes Crosby's words to heart and heads to the library. The pen trembles against Rosie's calloused hand while he fills out the library's card application, but his voice is steady when he asks the pretty librarian for recommendations.
He's too distracted by your shiny, kind eyes to notice how you recognize the distant look in his own. contrarily, You note in your diary that night how you couldn't tell if it was sympathy or his easy charm that made your heart race wildly while suggesting some classics and mysteries that should keep his mind busy.
-
"you need to get out more, Rosie," Crosby states in a letter one day.
It just so happens that during a now routine trip to the library, Rosie notices a half-hidden flier for an Agatha Christie book club pinned to the community board.
A week later—spurred onward once more by Harry's words—he pulls himself out of bed, has a shower and shave, and attends the meeting.
The cracked glass of Rosie's brown leather watch allows him to see he's half an hour late as he ascends up the small steps in front of the building.
Designated meeting room C is quiet and mostly dark as he pulls the handle. He's three solid steps inside the door when the room's sole occupant looks up at him—you, that same librarian with those same eyes.
He barely has half a mind to choose one of the provided refreshments—a cup of black coffee dangerously close to room temperature—before sinking into one of the many empty seats. The weary but logical part of him says that this is a waste of time, but the remnants of his fun-loving side tell him that he's got nothing to lose.
He takes a sip of coffee and sinks further into his seat.
While exchanging kind pleasantries, you retrieve a well loved copy of Why Didn't They Ask Evans? from your envelope handbag. Rosie quickly follows suit and slips his own newly bought but already dog eared book out of his leather coat pocket.
"So you liked it?" you inquire with joyfully clasped hands and a voice filled with breathtaking earnestness. After nearly choking on a hefty drink of coffee and his fluttery nerves, Rosie lets a bashful smile slip past his defenses.
Ninety minutes pass completely uncounted before Rosie steps back out onto the snowy, bustling New York City streets. He quickly shuffles home, tossing his coat and book onto a chair before dropping down onto his bed. He intends to return the items to their rightful place after a short rest, though the book will find a home on his bedside table after he spots your number jotted on the inside corner in loopy, flowing handwriting.
-
Spring is well in bloom when Rosie and Harry see each other again. 
Rosie spends the following two days giving the Crosby family a tour of the best sights and eats his hometown has to offer. 
Their third evening in town has Crosby swaying his young son to the music flowing through the jazz bar while covertly helping Rosie draft his proposal speech. You and Jean are sat within arms reach, though you both pay the boys no mind as you're fully entranced by the music. The night winds on, and the draft becomes a full, completed speech. They share a coy laugh as Rosie slips the notebook back into his vest pocket, knowing that if all goes right this moment will find its way into Crosby's best man's speech.
In this smoky bar just past dinner time, they both accept that they aren't the same men they were before the war. They’d seen a hell no words could ever describe, and yet the world somehow kept turning. They escape to the bar soon after, where Harry tells him that he'll soon be a father once more. Rosie offers his congratulations and jokes that he won't be far behind. The bar is dim, but Crosby still catches a glimpse of the lighthearted playfulness returning to his friend's eyes.
You and Jean coo and fuss over the baby as the men say their goodbyes. Through an especially tight hug, they make each other a silent promise to keep holding on. If not for who they were before but for who they are—and what they have —now.
106 notes · View notes
litnerdwrites · 21 days
Text
Justice for Nesta recs (AO3)
Most, if not all, of these recs are in the Justice for Nesta/ ACOSF rewrite/fix-it vein. It will be updates as I find more fics, but feel free to send any recs you have.
TRIGGER WARNING! Many of these fics will be very dark, with references to suicide, ptsd, misogyny, and IC BS. However, I'll be sure to add specifics where applicable.
Fics For Those Craving Nesta JusticeI put all the fics I found into one collection on AO3 that, as the title suggests, are for those craving Nesta Justice. Please read the relevant tags for each fic, as many of them contain reference to PTSD, SA (both past referenced and in story), and general IC BS.
I'll also list every fic in this collection bellow, just to keep them all in one place. Feel free to also add your own finds or works if you have any. The collection is open, but moderated.
Those the Stars Cannot Hear by @kataraavatara An ACOSF rewrite where Mor makes good on her threat to leave Nesta in the CON.
Baby, now we got bad blood by Pumpkinspice_Lou They say you should never come between a male and his mate. Rhysand should've known better. Aka Cassian finally choosing Nesta. Completed two-shot.
A Court of Vice and Victors by Wishcamper Acosf rewritten by a therapist. Need I say more? Incomplete.
You Made Her Like That By BookWorm77071 A few days into their Hike from Hell, Nesta is able to form one coherent thought: I don't want to do this anymore. So she stops. Three chapter short story. Completed.
Nesta becomes a baby by Theladyofbloodshed Exactly what the title says. Oneshot.
A Court of Tangled Flames by Theladyofbloodshed A Neris fic where Nesta gets the love story she deserves.
ACOTAR snippet collection by Theladyofbloodshed A collection of Acotar what ifs.
Nesta vs. The Buffer by Theladyofbloodshed After Nesta finally snaps at another 'family' dinner, calling Cassian and Mor out on their shit, she begins to heal and fall in love on her own terms. With a certain shadowsinger. Completed. Nezriel fic. Anti IC but they kind of redeem themselves at the end. Completed.
AU Where We Pretend Acosf Didn't Happen by Theladyofbloodshed An alternative take to ACOSF, starting from post ACOFS. Nesta ends up leaving Velaris, starting herself on a journey of self discovery and healing. TW Beron Vansera, implied/referenced SA, IC being assholes.
Nightmare Dressed Like A Daydream by This_Immortal_Hope Nesta was a wolf. So, much like a wolf, she bided her time, accepting her exile with ice in her and determination in her heart. When she was ready, she tore their Court of Dreams apart with their own hypocrisy. One shot. No ship. Rhysand is thoroughly put in his place. Oneshot.
Second Chances by miryamdev Cassian apologises to Nesta after the HOFAS bonus chapter.
A trick of the light by closet_monster There was nothing condemning about madness or paralyzing fear. Nesta was familiar with both — they seemed to be a recurring theme in both womanhood and life in Hewn. Oneshot. TW Depression, self harm, and implied abuse. Please double check the tags before reading.
Burn for Eternity by rosemai Nesta is defeated and broken down by the words of her sisters and the IC, so she takes matters into her own hands and meets a group on individuals who could give her the help she needs. Incomplete.
Nesta's Truth by grovellingboyfriends After another year of leaving Nesta alone, Cassian finds Nesta in her apartment on Solstice, standing over a dead man. TW for implied SA, parental abuse, Elain is a bitch. 3/5 chapters published as of making this post.
Daylight by Flowerflamestar Nesta Archeron, banished and betrayed, ran from cold and hatred straight into the light of Day and found a place where she could belong. Completed.
Might I Suggest You Don't Fuck With My Sis by MacabreGiggles The intervention rethought, where the Archeron sisters decide to stand up for one another and put the IC in their place. Incomplete.
I died. I will die. It's alright. I don't mind. By MacabreGiggles Nesta resorts to other means to cope, like drugs. Incomplete. TW. Abuse. Alcolism. Suicide. Sexual assault. Drug abuse.
The Veil of Silence by Hrizantemy There exists a veil of silence, it shrouds our voices masking our truths, muffling our cries, our voices are muted, and dreams whispered. Incomplete.
You're a crisis of my faith by porque_nolosdos Nesta and Elain leave the NC, and upon seeing the IC's reaction, Feyre decides to ditch them too. Incomplete.
A thousand cuts by adelindschade It finally clicks for Cassian just how badly Nesta was hurting (it only took three TW suicide TW attempts), so he decides to try thinking of what Nesta would want. This decision leaves a ripple effect that will change the NC as we know it. Incomplete.
The consequences of normality by TheTeaQueen After the events of ACOSF, things seem relatively normal. Until Cassian realises that Nesta doesn't ask for things, or that self hatred still grips her, or the facade she puts on for her family. When she starts cutting back on training and work in the library, he begins to worry. Maybe things aren't as perfect as he thought. Maybe their methods in helping her weren't as effective as he thought. Incomplete.
Three little words by TheTeaQueen Cassian finally says those three little words that Nesta needed to hear. Oneshot.
Like fire, she raged by TheTeaQueen Emerie stands up for Nesta and puts Rhys and Feyre in their place. Completed.
Of Death and Resurrection by TheTeaQueen Part 1 of In the name of healing and happiness. Nesta was ready to die. So to save Feyre and Nyx, she did. Can Rhysand, the only person who can save her, bring her back from the brink? Completed. TW Implied suicide, rape/sa, anti Elain.
Of Shadows and Light by TheTeaQueen Part 2 of In the name of healing and happiness. Technically more of a Gwynriel fic, but does have some Nessian since it follows the aftermath of Of death and Resurrection, only Azriel, Gwyn & Elain are the main focus. Ties up a lose thread or two from part 1, and is 100% Anti Elain. Completed. TW Implied child abuse, implied suicide, torture.
Of Reopened Wounds and Retribution by TheTeaQueen Part 3 of In the name of healing and happiness. A trip to the human lands to discuss the treaty leads Nesta to face Thomas Mandray again. This time, she has family willing to go to hell and back for her. Incomplete. TW Implied rape/sa, panic attack.
Lady Death and Her Kingdom by TheTeaQueen Amren pushes Nesta too far, causing her to awaken a strange new power. TW Implied child abuse. Incomplete.
The Hike, Alternatively by TheTeaQueen An alternative take on The Hike from Hell, where Nesta attempt to TW commit suicide TW, and Cassian realises just how messed up their methods, and the events leading up to the hike are. Written for Suicide prevention month. Completed. TW Self harm, suicide, The Hike.
To Pay a Debt by TheTeaQueen When Nesta sees that Feyre didn't include her in any of the paintings, she does the only thing she can think of; Run. Incomplete. TW, attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, mentioned sa.
Burning from the Inside out by TheTeaQueen An au where Nesta's secretly lived with Chronic pain her whole life, only for the cauldron and her new powers to exacerbate it. Complete. TW Implied/referenced child abuse, suicidal thoughts, ableism, internalised ableism.
The Whole Truth by TheTeaQueen An alternative take where Nesta's deepest secret comes to light when Elain explodes at the dinner table one night. This forces the IC and her sisters to reevaluate their perception of her. Incomplete. TW: Child abuse, suicidal thoughts/ideation, forced prostitution, sexual assault (underage!!)
Set my Soul Alight by moodymelanist Nesta finds solace in Autumn. No Nessian. Completed. TW Implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced rape, implied/referenced torture.
Falling by becauseofreading Another take on what happens after Cassian tells Nesta that everybody hates her. Incomplete. TW Self harm, suicidal thoughts, blood and injuries.
Destruction and Renewal by Vorbi Nesta is given the opportunity to form new alliances. Initially, she scoffs at the idea, but after a small, final act of disrespect from the IC, she decides to see where this new path leads us. Incomplete. TW Implied/referenced abuse.
No One Likes A Mad Woman by Separatist_Apologist You made her like that. Nesta has had her choices tripped away, so when Eris offers her an out, she takes it. No happy ending for Cassian. The Night Court gets no sympathy. Completed. TW Domestic violence
A Cup of Tea by shaziskhalid After realising that the Cassian of her dreams isn't the Cassian she's mated to, everything changed. (MCU! Wanda, modern Au). Incomplete.
Promise by Daughterofthesea Begins during that scene where Cassian follows Nesta, and ends with him understanding just how much pain she's in, and deciding to actually help her.
Stay here (I love you, but I need another year) by littleplease Nesta is tired, and losing the will to even try. Complete. TW Apathy, depression, vuage suicidal thoughts.
What you did to me (I'll spend my life trying to rise) by filthymouthedslut Nesta is done with the IC's holier-than-thou attitude. No ship. Incomplete (3/4) as of updating this post.
Everybody hates you by Booksandsushi A different take on the time Cassian tells Nesta that Everybody hates her. Incomplete.
Change is good by Booksandsushi Nesta figures her life out on her own. Complete.
Truth of the Heart By TheFreakPanda The months after ACOFAS leave Nesta presented with some new opportunities. Full of therapy and dancing. Completed.
I've Always Liked to Play with Fire by catalyste After her village is destroyed and family killed by Hybern following Feyre's revenge mission, you wake up healed in the NC. After Lucien leaves you there, you find yourself trapped with Nesta Archeron, who turns out to be an unlikely ally. The two of you plan your escape with the help of Eris Vansera. Polly, Neris/reader, with IC bashing, and dragons. Incomplete.
The relapse by Janes_Melodies Something broke in Nesta when she learned about the results of the vote, knowing it was a tie until Feyre. She was trying for her sisters and for Cassian, yet they still think she's cruel enough to create a whole new trove just to kill them all. For the first time in months, she gave into her desires. Incomplete. TW Alcoholism, Implied/referenced self harm, suicidal thoughts.
You're safe now by annieleonhardtsring Rewrite of the scene where Nesta falls down the stairs, and Azriel stands up for her. Complete.
Love her how she should be loved by julemmaes Cassian overhears his family making some not-so-subtle comments about Nesta, and it pushes him over the edge. So he goes to bat for her, blaming his friends for everything wrong with their relationship with his girlfriend. Modern AU completed.
The Nest World - The Next Life by bat_called_phil ACOSF canon divergence fic that starts with the intervention, but diverts when Nesta takes a stand for herself, and Feyre starts holding Rhys accountable. TW Implied/referenced suicide, Implied/referenced abortion.
A Court of Spite and Isolation by xxTAO Nesta choses the human lands, separated from the IC and the distractions from her trauma, she spirals. Incomplete (4/6) TW Suicidal thoughts, Implied/referenced alcoholism, Suicide attempt.
Come Home by Rhysanoodle Cassian learns how Nesta's been living since she came to Illyria, and which fears haunt her the most. Complete.
121 notes · View notes
impala1967dwinchester · 2 months
Text
Sam Winchester: Fate
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Pairing: Sam Winchester x Fem!Reader
Pov: Reader/Sam
Warnings: Monsters as usual (Dijnn), depression, pregnancy, fighting
Summary: With Y/n on the run, Sam's depression can't help but get the best of him while the fate of his relationship and child hangs in the balance.
WC- 2.677k
A/n- @firefly-graphics for dividers, This is a part 2 of something I wrote nearly a year ago. "Sam Winchester: Running Away" I
Main Master List // Sam W. Master List
Tumblr media
It's weird hiding from the Winchester boys. Weirdly, people are so much nicer to me now. The summer sun in Texas is hot on my back as I walk out of the grocery store. I tried my best to settle down and got a small job at a travel agency. I'm renting a small apartment from an old lady who helped me when I first got off the bus in Bay City.
In the past few months, my body has changed in many ways. I have a larger belly and more cravings than I've ever experienced. I talk to my belly almost every night after I calm down from work. I tell them stories about Sam and Dean. I tell them how their father is a hero, how he's saved the world, and how he has taken my heart with his bright, kind smile.
Like clockwork, every night, there's a message from Sam asking me if I'm doing alright, or begging me if I can just respond. It breaks my heart, but no matter what, I can't bring myself to type back a message. It didn't take long after I walked out of the bunker to know that I was walking away from the person that I love and that my home was disappearing into the background of the Kansas sunset.
Yet I couldn't bear to walk back into the bunker; somewhere in my twisted mind, it told me I had to go. I had to leave it all behind because I wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth the stress, the worry, or anything I might bring down on the Winchester boys.
I thought I had gotten away from it all—the grueling monsters, the death at every corner. I guess I was wrong because one second, I was shopping in a local baby store, and the next, I was somewhere completely different. Some places had air that felt lighter, and some places had my hopes and dreams feel like reality.
There's a warm hand wrapping around my middle. "Good morning, sweetheart." It's a voice I know, a voice I haven't heard in such a long time. One that makes my heart soothe from the racing it's currently doing in my chest. Then, I realize we aren't in the bunker but in a rather nice-looking bedroom. The sound of smaller feet pounding on the ground brings me to look at the doorway. "Anna must be up," Sam says in a whisper, his soft words brushing against my ear and giving me a round of shivers.
Anna comes busting into the bedroom, uncaring to knock on the bedroom door. You think you care but don't after you look at her. Hair as dark as Sams but eyes like yours. A gigantic smile on her chubby cheeks. "MOmmY!" She shouts as she climbs up the bed to get onto your body. You can see Sam out of the corner of your eye. It's a smile you only ever see reserved for you, and you don't know how you managed to be back in his arms and a kid you share together. You're lost in how you got from the store alone pregnant to here in his arms, in bed together with your family.
The feeling stays with you as the day starts, and you watch Sam shift from sweats and a white t-shirt to a pair of shorts and a hawwin shirt. "Aren't you gonna get dressed, baby?" He asks as he catches you staring at him from the bed still. "I… Where are we going?" You ask him, unsure still by the normality of this odd life. "Don't tell me you forgot about the barbecue that Dean invited us to?" He says, a knit-in his brow. You lick your lips and try to think, but there's nothing there, just white clouds that fog your thoughts.
"It's alright if you forgot, babe, just get dressed. It's warm out, so wear that pretty little sun dress you bought a few weeks ago." Sam says as he comes over, planting a kiss on your forehead. "I'm going to get Anna ready, I love you." You stare at the door for a few moments longer, waiting until he's left, and you can hear Sam and Anna talking down the hall. You get up feeling the carpet under your feet and the warmth that radiates through the window.
You do get dressed in the sun dress Sam mentioned. It still had the price tag on it, so you assumed it was the one he was talking about. It fits you perfectly, curved around your hips with ease, and giving everyone who might look at you a perfect display of your breasts. You find a nice pair of sandals and make your way towards the echos of voices.
"There she is," Sam says, happiness and warmth seeping from the kitchen. Anna turns around whipping her head in your direction, she too is dressed in a sundress pinks and purples mixed together with her hair up in braids. "You look good, Mommy," Anna says as she comes over, hugging your leg. You breathe it all in, getting deeper and deeper into it. You aren't sure still unsure how you managed to get here, but you can't say you're mad about it.
The ride to Deans is off, but everything is off for you. Sam can sense it; one hand from the wheel comes to the rest of your exposed knee. "You doin' alright, honey?" he asks, worry laced in his words. You shake your head, giving him more to worry about, but you don't know. All you can think of is the tiny giggles coming from the back seat.
Anna is watching something on a tablet, and her smile glows from whatever she's watching. "Come on, honey. You can talk to me about anything," Sam says, trying to trigger the conversation to continue. "I know, Sam. I'm just trying to be in the moment." You say, and that's the reality of it. Because this moment and the one this morning had been everything you were dreaming about.
Tumblr media
"Dean, I just know something is wrong!" I say to my brother as I continue to stare at my phone. The text messages aren't even being read anymore. At least when Y/n was reading them, I knew she was safe; I knew that she was doing alright. I can hear the sigh of frustration fall from my lips as I put the phone back down the library table. "Sam, we can't do anything if she doesn't want us to," Dean says, trying to support both of us.
I lift my head, staring angrily at my brother. "I don't give a shit anymore. I don't care why she ran away. I don't care at all. I just want her back in my life. Now I'm pretty sure Charlie can figure out where she is." I huff out. With a grunt and shake of his head, he's got his phone beside his ear, calling our good friend Charlie.
I can hear the slight argument between Dean and Charlie as I sit, waiting for a quick answer. "I know, but can you just help us. Y/n hasn't been reading." Dean says, looking over at me. "She hasn't been looking at Sam's messages. Can you just give us a location so we can restart this?" Dean finishes. There's mumbling on the other side of the phone, but then I see Dean hidden. "Okay, text that to me, Charlie. Thank you," he says and then drops the phone from his cheek.
ASnxeity has set in when we get to where Y/n has been staying for the past few months. Her car is there, but the door to her apartment is cracked open; my blood runs cold, and just like that, I'm set on finding her. Dean tries to calm me and reminds me that not everything is terrible. She might just be doing something, like taking out the trash.
I glare at him and bring my gun from my hip to sweep through her apartment. Baby books and a few baby clothes are in the living room. Her bedroom is perfect as if she had never made it home. "Is she just taking out the trash now, Dean?" I snark at him, "I was trying to help. So… we have to work this like a case now?" Dean questions, I nod, and just like that, I'm searching for Y/n all over again.
Tumblr media
Dean is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, and the kids run all over the house. His wife easily kisses his cheek, and he holds her close to his side. "Uncle De!" Anna screams, and Dean smiles broader and brighter than you've ever seen him. "Hey, kiddo," Dean says warmly as he picks her up and puts her on his hip. "You guys made it." Dean's wife says, and she comes over to give you a hug.
"What about us, baby girl?" a stranger asks. When I turn, I'm struck by the Winchesters' parents—happy, healthy, and very much alive. "Hey, Dad," Sam says happily, hugging his father and wrapping his mother tightly. You watch as the day goes on with absolute ease. Dean talks about adding a new portion to the Winchester auto shop; John lights up with joy at the idea of more business and growth for the business he's known since he was a young adult.
Sam holds you close to his chest as you two dance in the yard, the sky turning purple and orange. You rest your head on his chest and let the movement of your feet guide you into contentment. "You know I love you, right?" Sam asks you as his large hands hold your waist and back. You hum, but you are not willing to open your closed eyes. "And you know you are everything I've ever wanted, right? No matter what happens between the two of us, I'll always want you." Sam says you can feel the tears brimming in your lashes.
"I know Sam." Your voice cracks and gives away the way tears are threatening to fall. "I love you too." As you lift onto your tiptoes in the cool grass, you mutter back and press a needy kiss to his lips. You two are sadly interrupted by John. "Anna is sleeping; if you wanna, you guys can come to pick her up tomorrow." John offers, and Sam pulls me closer. "Thanks, Dad." He tells his dad, then turns to me, "Let's go home." You nod and take his hand in yours.
Tumblr media
"What did I fucking tell you!?" I knew she was in trouble; I knew something was wrong. To be the cherry on top, she's pregnant, and she's been taken for whatever fucking reason. "It's just a dinner. We've dealt with enough of them to know the deal," Dean says. I slam the trunk of the baby shut, my molars grinding as I look at the depleted cave that's currently holding my girl and baby prisoner in a fake world.
Of her own imagination.
The silver blade drips all over the ground as I enter the cave. The dark walls hold secrets and horror that I hope and wish Y/n would never experience. It's all a blank somewhere between entering the cave and getting to Y/n. The only thing I feel is the splatter of blood onto my face and my eyes searching for that beautiful face.
She doesn't look like she's been there for too long, but her arms hang above her head, her belly prodding out. I'm stuck standing still over the djinn. Dripping its own blood back onto the dead man, Dean is quick to get over to Y/n, pulling the attachments out of her arm and pulling her down gently.
"Sam, get your ass over here. We… we are gonna have to take her to the hospital." Dean says, and somewhere in my frozen mind, my legs move to get a closer look at her. Her cheeks are a little sunken, but her face is still full of color. I know why Dean said we would have to take her to the hospital.
It's not too long before the large white building in Texas appears in the Impala's view. "I'm going to stop by the emergency doors to help your girl and that baby get some help. I nod and wait for the red letters to appear. A nurse is already waiting for us, and she takes a view of Y/n. "What happened?" the nurse asks, and for a moment, I think of telling the truth, but something else comes out. Something like, "She went for a walk a few hours ago, and then I didn't hear anything back from her." I say, my voice wanting to crack. The nurse nods, and I follow them for as long as possible.
Y/n is stuck in the cold hospital room for way too long. Fluids and IV being run into her system, the baby had been pretty much okay. Besides needing extra fluids, everything was fine, according to the doctors. They allowed me to stay in the room with her. The ICU has too many beeping machines, and there's constantly a team over Y/n making sure her and the baby's vitals are alright.
"Sam," A small voice calls out. "Y/n," I say, alerting half of the ICU floor that she's awake. She smiles slightly and then looks around her surroundings. "Where… why am I here, Sam?" She asks me. The happiness that was once there filters out and hits the bottom of my stomach. "You… Dean and I took care of what caught you," I answer her. "What caught me?" The heart machine starts to pick up speed. "Calm down, baby, please. I need you to breathe slowly and out before I tell you." I say to Y/n. She takes a few breaths and then squeezes my hand, wanting me to continue.
"You were caught by a djinn," I say, swallowing hard. It took Dean and me about three days to find you and another two beforehand to figure out something was wrong." There's silence from Y/n, and then she looks up at me with tears. "What about our baby?" she asks. I nod. The baby is fine; I did all sorts of tests to ensure everything was good," I tell her.
The silence continues until Y/n brings her attention up from her belly. "I saw a few things." "Did you?" I ask, wondering if she's going to explain. "I saw us, Dean, and your parents. I saw a life I so desperately wanted with you but thought I wasn't allowed to have with you because of our life." She says with a heavy sadness in her voice. "I thought I had to leave to take that burden away from you and Dean. I thought…" She hiccups, and tears roll down her cheeks.
"Baby, you will never be a burden to me, nor will our kid. I want nothing more than for you to come home so I can keep both of you safe and protected. I worried about you every single minute of every single day. It was hard to know that you thought you would be better off elsewhere." I say to her, wrapping her tightly in a much-needed hug.
"How'd you know where I was?" She asks when I release her from the hug. "I had Dean call Charlie," I say without a single ounce of regret. She giggles a little, "It wasn't funny; I'm pretty sure the next time we see the girl, she's gonna slap me across my face." Dean says, making us both look up at him.
"Thank you." Y/n says, "Of course, you're family, after all." Dean says from his spot in the doorway. When can I go home?" She asks, "Let me go get the nurse, and we will figure it out, baby." I say, letting go of her hand before pressing a kiss on her temple and running out to get a nurse.
Tumblr media
Completed on: 03/15/24
Posted on: 03/15/24
68 notes · View notes
yanderecrazysie · 5 months
Text
Change Part 2 (Yandere Oikawa)
Requested on my Quotev and Wattpad.
Title: Change (Part 2)
Pairings: Oikawa Tooru x Reader
WARNINGS: Yandere themes, forced touching/affection
Summary: After returning to the way you’d always been, Oikawa’s become nothing short of a nightmare.
Part 1:  here
Part 2: here
change
/verb/
make (someone or something) different; alter or modify:
It had been only a month since you went back to looking the way you’d always been, sacrificing your makeover to get your happiness back. 
Oikawa made it feel like a lifetime.
He hadn’t accepted your rejection, despite your pleas for him to leave you alone. He had at least abandoned his obsession with being the perfect couple to outsiders, but he had replaced that with a new obsession entirely. One focused completely on you.
Oikawa’s friends didn’t see the appeal in the old you, with your messy hair, glasses, and casual clothing. You could hear the whispers in the hallways about the most popular guy in school dating you of all people.
More than being a blow to your confidence, it made you feel depressed. People made comments about how lucky you were to be with a guy like him. No one seemed to understand the torture he was putting you through every day, simply because you weren’t popular.
Oikawa had become possessive, wrapping an arm around your waist or around your shoulder whenever you were nearby. He sent glares to other guys as though any of them might be interested in you.
It was strange that he hadn’t done such a thing when you were “pretty”. After your makeover, you had tons of guys lining up for you, jealous of Oikawa. But now that you were your mousy self again, he was suddenly obsessed with the idea that someone might try to take you away from him.
He forced affection on you all the time. Whether it was a lingering kiss to your lips or cheek, a crushing hug, or a teasing hand sliding up your thigh, it seemed he always had to be touching you.
A small part of you reminded you that you had always longed for his attention like this. You had had a crush on him for so long you could barely remember a time when you didn’t. Wasn’t this what you wanted? To be accepted as you were by Oikawa Tooru? Weren’t you lucky, like everyone said?
The larger part of you was hesitant- afraid. It was as if he didn’t hear you whenever you resisted or told him “no”. You had lost most of your affection for him when you saw how he only cared about appearances, but even more affection was lost when he refused to accept the break up.
Even now, as he laughed with his friends over some joke, his arm an iron chain around your waist, you were afraid of Oikawa. You curled into yourself, trying to squeeze out of his grasp, but to no avail. He barely paid you any mind, simply pulling you closer until your hips were touching.
You placed your trembling hands onto the lunch table in front of you, feeling the cool wood under your sweaty palms. How could you convince him to stop, when your pleas always fell on deaf ears?
You felt like Oikawa’s pet. Like a mute, helpless animal for him to play with. One that he loved to take on walks and show off to the rest of the world. You felt less than human around him.
“I still don’t get why you go out with her,” one of Oikawa’s friends, a blond girl with a large, loud mouth, complained, “I mean, I’m single and down for anything, you know.”
The girl reached out a hand, fingers lightly ghosting over Oikawa’s free hand. The boy retracted his arm from her grasp, a dark cloud passing over his features. “Don’t you dare insult my precious girlfriend. She’s perfect for me. I want no one but her.”
His face relaxed as he turned his eyes on you, a gentle smile tugging at his lips as he brushed some messy strands of hair away from your thick glasses. “She’s perfect,” he repeated, his eyes shining brightly just at the sight of you.
You hated when he touched you in front of his friends like that. You hated how he acted so affectionate and loving when you clearly wanted nothing to do with you.
“What do you see in her?” The girl demanded, pounding her fist on the table like a toddler about to throw a tantrum.
Oikawa turned his gaze back to her, his eyes darkening with anger, no longer wearing that gentle expression. “I advise you to shut your damn mouth.”
The girl gulped a little, shrinking back in her seat, “Fine, fine, whatever you say.” You couldn’t blame her, Oikawa was terrifying when he got angry.
He turned back to you, all sunshine and rainbows once more, “Are you coming to my volleyball practice after class?”
“No,” you said stubbornly, like you always did.
Oikawa laughed and booped your nose with his finger, “My sweetheart likes to joke.”
You were used to this song and dance. It would lead to him confronting you after class and dragging you to his practice, where you’d sit on the bench and blankly watch him and his teammates play volleyball. Just like every day.
Nothing you said mattered, Oikawa would get his way.
If only you were strong enough to fight back
95 notes · View notes
scekrex · 24 days
Note
TW(If you dont want to do it it's completely fine)
Can you do a adam x male reader where the reader is depressed because his life when he was living was shit and he thought it would be better but it still haunts him, and he starts to date adam and a few months into dating Adam saw reader SH and gets all sad but becomes more protective of reader and explains to reader how much he loves him and he bandages reader and they cuddle together(I love your writing BTW, you don't have to do this if you think it's shit)
I absolutely do not think it's shit, I hope I did it justice - as a person who suffers from depression myself this kinda is/was my view on the world. Really hope it's to your liking :3
Burning, I feel it too
pairing: Adam x male!reader
warnings: language, hurt/angst, suicidal thoughts, self harm
note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers
With him around, heaven seemed brighter. With him around your past life felt less heavy, the burdens you carried were easier to lift and he seemed to bring a reason to all of existence.
But when Adam wasn’t around for a couple hours, the world turned dark again, like he was purposely taking all the bright colors and the joyful emotions with him when he left. The burdens turned insanely heavy again, unable for you to lift, let alone carry on your shoulders and every reason that caused you to take step after step was gone. Adam knew your life had been a dark pit of hopelessness and tiredness. There had been nothing that held you, what was holding you now? A single person and that person wasn’t even yourself how it should have been. It was Adam.
Heaven, the paradise of afterlife that everybody dreamed of, not you though. You just wanted to rest, not continue to suffer above earth in another world. You wanted peace and quiet, eternal rest. But that had been denied, not only by God, but also by Adam. The first man was worried about you and while others thought of it as cute, you felt like a burden to him by making him worry so much. He cared, that you were aware of, he let you not only hear you about it, no, he also showed you that he cared about you. And that caused the clouds that covered your view to lift temporarily. But once Adam left - even if it was just the room - the clouds came back, painting the worlds in black, white and gray again until he came back.
Extermination days were the worst, not only was your partner gone the entire day, no, he was also at risk of getting injured, maybe even killed. Who was there to promise you that Adam would make it out alive? And what would you do if Adam wouldn’t make it out? If Lute would come back alone, nothing but his halo in her hand that she would hand over to you as proof. Would it hurt? Would it hurt worse than the pain you inflict on yourself?
You flicked the lighter on and for a short moment you watched the flame dance in front of your eyes, then you moved the lighter close to your thigh until the flame licked on your skin, the burn that followed felt save, it felt like coming home after a long trip, it welcomed you with open arms and you were so used to it that you closed your eyes and enjoy the silence the pain brought. That was a thing you had missed so much, the silence in your mind that pain brought with it whenever you invited it to visit you. You had been so lost in the quietness that you hadn’t heard the door to the bedroom slamming open. Your eyes cracked open when the lighter was harshly ripped from your trembling fingers, the usually so calming voice of your boyfriend was now the reason for you to flinch away from his body, “What the fuck are you doing?” He sounded mad and you hated the way anger made his voice sound. Why was Adam back already? Was it already that late, had you lost track of time again? Did it even matter if he was back earlier?
Paralyzed you watched as he pulled you off the bed, you weren’t reacting to his words at all, not because you didn’t want to, but because you found yourself unable to. The brunette pushed you flush against his body, you felt the soft golden feathers that wrapped around your nude body to shield you and just like before, there was silence in your head - not because of any pain, but because of Adam. Adam, who had returned the colors to your world, Adam, who was drowning you with his body warmth. “I don’t want to fucking lose you,” he mumbled against your head as he buried his face in your hair. He spun the both of you around slowly, then he let himself fall backwards onto the soft mattress of your shared bed, pulling you with him. “You can’t fucking leave me too, I- for fucks sake Y/N, you can’t fucking-” he interrupted himself and it was only then that you felt the salty tears that were streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t fucking want you to-” he tried again but failed yet again, a sob fell from his lips and you couldn’t help but hate your self for making him feel that way. Adam deserved better, you had tried to explain that to him ever since the both of you had started dating. Yet the brunette had always disagreed. “Please,” he whispered and his voice sounded so unusually broken it tore you apart from the inside. You hated the way it voice was able to sound so unstable, so broken, so sad. You hated that you had caused Adam to feel that way within seconds. “I fucking love you, Y/N,” he mumbled, clearly out of words. You knew he wanted to scream and yell, that he wanted answers. And he knew screaming and yelling would only push you further away from him and that you’d give him answers once you were ready to. So he bit back all the questions he wanted to ask you, all the things he wanted to get off his chest and placed a soft kiss on your head instead. “I’m sorry for being such a mess,” you whispered quietly and maybe, secretly, you hoped it had been too quiet for him to hear. But it hadn’t been, “You’re not, babes, you’ll never fucking be.” But the both of you knew that wasn’t true, that he was lying. You were not only ruining your own mental health but also his. It was only a matter of time until Adam would either drop you or fall into the same hole you were already sitting in.
51 notes · View notes
lamamasjamas · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
A/n: I made angst and depression on top of the ask oops (Anon is from my side blog which has now been "deactivated")
Warnings: Dub-con smut (Reader is not in a good mental state), heavy angst, he's so sexy grandpa, short drabble, mentions of addiction/drug use as well as withdrawals, Manipulative Joel, dark fic!!
"Don't."
Tess turns at his sharp tone and eyes him. Joel glances at the whites of her eyes from his peripherals. She looks up, her pupils pointed to the sky, her tongue pressing against the side of her cheek in mock annoyance.
"Why not?"
He stares off into the distance with his shoulders tense and his arms crossed in contemplation. The QZ was always an option to him and Tess. They could come and go as they pleased, they could leave if they wanted, together, maybe even make things work between them once and for all.
"She likes you, always has," Tess mentions referring to the addict that keeps coming back to him.
They had met years ago, barely twenty-two, already asking for some drugs, any drugs that could take away the images in her head, the thoughts that kept her up at night and made her afraid of herself.
She quickly became addicted to Joel as much as the stuff that he gave her. He likes that she keeps coming back to him like a dependency. He would never admit that to anyone though.
"You like her too, so what's the big deal?"
He sniffs, shaking his head in disbelief.
"She's young, she doesn't know what she likes, what she wants-"
"She's thirty-three, Joel."
He finally turns to her and gives her a look. She sighs. Convincing Joel of anything seemed to be completely useless at this point. With age, his stubbornness only increased. Most of the time she had found the appeal to it, the fun and lust for the thick headedness of his actions.
But she's tired and frankly, with her own age, the original spark had gone dull.
"You'd rather she be with some other fuck in the QZ?"
She knew where to hit him, where his anger would rise the most. Joel was always jealous, ever since they met. When Tess had been able to get in contact with someone over the radio named Frank, he felt acid in his veins.
Good thing Frank wasn't interested in her, not in the way he originally thought.
He scowls.
"Oh c'mon Joel, you've fucked her before, haven't you? It will be fun, I'm sure she'll want to do it again."
He stays quiet, she pushes on his shoulder lightly, starting to chuckle.
"Just open your palm and she'll come running like a little‐"
"Don't‐," he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, turning back and stepping down from the small hill that overlooks the fallen jagged cityline.
"She doesn't deserve to be spoken about like that," he mumbles, as if he had more morality than her.
Tess hums, wanting nothing more than to have finished her sentence, aching to remind him of how much you were already wrapped around his finger. In some sense you really were, judging by your raspy moans and heady breaths a month ago, the last time Joel had seen you and coincidentally the night he had told you to stop seeking him out.
"Such a Gentlemen. See? You won't have to try so hard."
He gives her another look.
"We need this, then we might be able to get out of this place."
...
Withdrawals were a pain in the ass. Some moments you shake, having to hide your hand behind your back, biting your lip so hard it made you bleed, just so that officers wouldn't shoot you at the slightest twitch of a hand.
Other times you feel fine, your mind numb, cloudy but not enough to incapacitate you from your work. The worst is when your home, when you can't distract yourself with the flames and foul smell of rotting or burning flesh.
Being stationed in charge of the disposal of all of the infected bodies came with needs, and those needs could only be fulfilled by Joel Miller. The man who had left you to fend for yourself and deal with your sudden loss of drugs and supply.
You hated Joel, hated the way he made you believe he had actually cared about you. It's been a month, no pills, no nothing, only you and your thoughts.
Now you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, your body covered in sweat and itching with discomfort. There's a knock at your door, the same one he had told you would signify his arrival.
Now you were hallucinating, thinking of the damn bastard that had left you feeling sick and deprived. Your mind was numb, your body needing something, something to make your skin sing, your veins to sting with pleasure even if for just a moment.
You think of his hands and the door knocks again. Your own fingertips travel down to your breast, pinching your budding nipple through the fabric of your ssweater. You hear your name, out from his own lips and calling for you in his voice.
A shiver rolls down your spine. Your hands slip down your stomach and towards your folds, spreading your legs, imagining his head between them, kissing up your thigh, commenting on how the taste of your pussy was enough compensation for the ache of his knees and back.
The dip of your fingers wasn't enough, your brows furrow, they weren't as thick as you wanted, the way it should be.
"Open. It's me."
The door shakes with another bout of banging. You almost fall to the floor. Your eyes start to water and your heart races. For a few moments, he hears you shuffle around, cursing under your breath and ultimately breathing in deeply.
You open the door, and his eyes soften, just a little. Enough for you to see the slight guilt and especially enough for you to feel the pity he had for you.
"What do you want?"
His eyes rake over your form, you wore nothing but a tattered sweater, the one he had given you and that he found while scavenging outside the QZ.
Your voice was weak, you pull your sleeves over your fingers, bitten raw and meaty. In your mind, you had yelled at him, screamed and pushed him by the chest to show your anger, frustration and betrayal.
Your hands start to shake as he makes his way inside, his eyes giving you a once over at the blank look you had. He sits at the edge of your bed. His face was stoic, still stern. He looked as though he didn't bring himself to your apartment, as if you were making him sit his ass down to tend to his wounds like all of the other times.
"C'mere."
You don't move, your skin starts to itch, anxiety builds in your stomach. His mouth barely opened; he grits his teeth as he repeats his command.
Seeing you like this made him angry. Your eyes were sunken in, your body looking sickly and frail. You weren't taking care of yourself, and it was all his fault.
You move forward and his hands wound around your waist to help you straddle his hips. Your hands instinctively move towards the breast pockets of his flannel, he slaps them away.
"I need something."
You ignore him, now clawing at his jean pocket, looking for a little reused baggy of baby blue or white pills. He takes your wrists and holds them so tight you flinch.
"Listen to me."
He was like a snake, moving his head languidly in front of your face until you had finally given him eye contact. For a few moments you scowl, your eyes were clear in their anger.
He felt you. The real you. Then you looked down submissively, attempting to keep still against him, despite the way your body shook in tremors.
God, he ruined you. He shifts his thigh, pushing you slightly back so that you weren't as flush against his chest. Your legs split between his leg as he adjusts on your bed.
Your breath hitches when your cunt spreads against the rough denim of his jeans. He watches as you lick your lips, he feels the way you dampen the fabric underneath you.
He stares at your lips, remembering the time he made you swallow down a pill with his cum still held in your tongue. His eyes soften and his palm meets the sweaty, hot skin of your cheek.
His thumb pushes in, he can't help it. You suck automatically, expecting there to be sweet chalky dust littered on his fingertips.
"Need you to do me a favor..."
Your eyes tear up and you suck harder, your hips starting to twitch back and forth.
"Have some friends working for Robert, yeah?"
You don't respond, he already knows. You feel a pit of anger build in your lower stomach; you pull yourself away, but he keeps your hips in place.
His thigh bounces up against you and his finger pops out of your mouth to grip your chin. He looks down at you softly, his eyes trailing down to your lips before leaning down to devour them.
His hand cups the back of your neck and his thumb tilts your head up. His lips move against yours hungrily, his tongue traveling further as you moan as his other wandering hand massaging into the side of your breast.
He breaks the kiss slightly, thick spit trailing over your lips as he kneads your body and flexes his thigh. His eyes search over your face as you start to roll your hips and your eyes flutter closed.
"C'mon baby... I'll give you what you want if you just tell me."
You swallow thickly and lick your lips. His hand lowers between your legs, a knuckle brushing against your cunt and circling over your clit, glossy with your slick and pulsing in time with each grind of your hips on his thigh.
His lips trail down your neck as you nod slightly.
"Y-yeah..." you trail off, only speaking with an exhale.
Your hands reach the back of his head as he bites down on your shoulder, humming as you finally answered his question. He looks up at you from there, tilting his head up to nuzzle his nose under your chin.
He helps you shift closer to him, your eyes closing tightly and your lips pursing as you contained your moans of relief and pleasure at his touch and the sudden closeness of another body against yours.
"Heard they found a battery..."
You nod and lean down to kiss him again, a whine escaping your lips as he tilts his head to the side and you inevitably miss.
"Joel-"
"Know where it is, honey?"
The slightest flinch of your brow, the question developing in your head and showing through your eyes made him hesitate. He kisses you again and you're distracted.
Minutes later he has your pussy squelching, your neck and jaw covered in love bites and your hips bruised with his grip. Your back meets his chest as your hips work over his thigh.
His fingers were furiously swirling over your clit, his other hand holding your neck steady as he mouthed over your neck.
Your body shakes and he feels the way your cunt pulses in orgasm. A garbled moan escapes past your lips and you feel the way his chest rumbles in a chuckle.
Joel's mouth doesn't stop, his lips start to suck harshly against your skin, making it bruise tender, your skin resulting in raised bumps.
You realize, as he tightens his hands on you and shakes himself, that he missed the feeling.
"Fireflies," you mumble against his chest. Your body was laid on the covers, his laying on his side beside you. His hands caress over your neck, he nods and sighs in what you think is relief.
A couple minutes later he sits up, your eyes close and you feel the cold brush through your body again. The tremors come back and the twitch of your fingers towards him were weak.
He leaves something on the bedside table, you hear the shuffling of his jeans and a wet cloth against your swollen cunt. It almost feels as if you were on the precipice of sleep.
You feel lips on your forehead, the wetness of them leaves an uncomfortable feeling on your skin. The door opens and closes softly.
As you lay on the mattress, finding that he hadn't even left his scent behind on your pillowcases, you realize something else. You stare at the baggy full of pills, a little more packed than the usual he would give you.
He's gone and he used you one last time.
A/n: Fun fact, I was listening to Fog as a Bullet by The Marias...but I don't think anyone cares anyway :)))
91 notes · View notes
weirdkpopgirl · 2 months
Text
In My Dreams | Renjun Imagine #5
Title: In My Dreams
Genre: College AU, a little angsty with a little fluff
Warnings: mentions of reader feeling insecure (what else is new 🙄)
Word Counts: 911
Author's Note: I seriously apologize for posting such depressing content lately. Honestly writing this type of stuff just makes me realize how much I hate myself. But I'm fine lol, using the Dreamies to distract me is more than enough. I really shouldn't be complaining. Anyway, hope you guys like this little imagine for Renjun ^ ^
𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪
The sigh that escaped your lips came out louder than intended, echoing slightly in the back corner of the lecture. As usual, your mind was subjected to its daily attack of self-conscious thoughts, though today they seemed particularly annoying. 
Absentmindedly you fidgeted with the hem of the black two-piece dress you had carefully chosen to wear. Was revealing your shoulders too much? Too bold? Did it make you look desperate for attention?  It was the only thing in your closet that you had yet to wear, mainly because you wanted to wait for the right time. However, you should’ve known you’d have doubts the minute you put on the dress. 
Your reflection stared back at you from the mirror-like surface of your phone screen, its intensity making your stomach churn. This morning, your wake-up routine had been prolonged by the meticulous effort you put into perfecting your makeup today and undoing the braids you’d done the night before so your hair would be wavy. 
Honestly, you weren’t entirely sure what drove you to put in the extra effort with your appearance today. Initially, you believed you were dressing up for yourself. Yet, as you navigated through a day packed with classes, a tiny glimmer of hope lingered that perhaps someone would notice, though the idea of attention drawn to you was intimidating.
However, as you glanced around the room, everyone seemed to be engrossed in their conversations about the upcoming essay that was due. Sometimes, a part of you wished you could muster up the courage to join one of those groups. But socializing never came naturally to you, and the lack of invitation to contribute only served to dishearten you.
As the professor began the afternoon’s lecture, you temporarily forced those thoughts to go away and focused on taking notes. Though it worked for the most part, your mind occasionally drifted back to the same imposter feeling you consistently experienced. Feeling as though everyone had their lives figured out, while you couldn’t be more out of place.
You were mentally ready to retreat into the confines of your apartment and change into sweats, by the time class was over. By now, your makeup was most likely smudged and the waves in your hair had gone down. Any semblance of confidence you donned that morning had diminished completely.
But just as you gathered your belongings and rose from your seat, a small folded piece of yellow paper fluttered to the table in front of you. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you glanced around, expecting to see someone retrieve their misplaced note. Yet, people were already disappearing, leaving you alone with the mysterious paper.
Trying not to dwell on it too much, you hesitantly unfolded the paper. Your breath caught in your throat as you read the words neatly written across the page. While they sounded simple, they held a sincerity that you didn’t receive often.
 ~ Hi there, sorry if this is a little forward. But I just wanted to say that I think you look really pretty in that dress today (not that you don’t look pretty every day!). Also, you should curl your hair like that more often, it suits you ^ ^  - Huang Renjun
As you reached the end of the short message, your heart was pounding in your chest. You had to reread it a few times, to make sure you weren’t just hallucinating. Of all people, Huang Renjun noticed you? The cute boy who sat a few rows ahead of yours?
A shy smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you shifted your gaze upward to the doorway where he was nervously watching for your reaction. A light shade of pink tinged Renjun’s cheeks as he offered a tentative smile when the two of you locked eyes. Still trying to comprehend was just happened, you cautiously made your way over to him. 
“Um, hi,” you managed to stammer, your voice barely audible.
Renjun stepped closer, his expression softening with genuine warmth. “I’m sorry if I startled you. I just couldn’t leave without saying at least something.”
His words only made you blush more, but the smile on your lips grew with each passing moment.
“No, I should thank you…for the note. I feel a lot better now than I was earlier,” you said, with a half-hearted laugh. 
Renjun’s ears perked up at your response. “Really? Well, I’m glad to hear that.”
A hesitant silence stretched between the two of you, filled with unspoken possibilities. But before you could gather the courage to find something else to say, Renjun reached into his pocket and brought out his phone.
“Would you maybe want to have a meal sometime?” he asked, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. He extended his phone toward you, displaying a new contact pulled up on the screen.
“I’d love to,” you replied a little too eagerly, feeling your heart skip a beat.
Your hand trembled slightly as you took his phone to quickly type in your number. Renjun thanked you with a shy smile and shared he couldn’t wait to get to know you more before leaving for his next class. You had to take a moment to process everything. Did you seriously just get complimented and asked out by Renjun?
Shaking your head with a laugh, “Yeah, right. In my dreams.”
However, that belief couldn’t wipe the foolish smile off your face as you walked out of the lecture hall.
𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪
50 notes · View notes
andreafmn · 1 year
Text
Speak | Chapter 6
Tumblr media
Word Count: 3.7K
Story Description: Bella Swan was a disaster when Edward had left. Deciding she needed a little help, Charlie Swan receives with open arms his younger daughter (Y/N) Swan. She helps Bella during her depression and becomes inseparable from her long-lost friend Jacob. What she didn’t expect was falling for a hotheaded short-tempered silver wolf.
Chapter: 6/?
A/N: Alright, alright, here it finally is. The next part of Speak, a story I never thought people would enjoy so much. It still surprises me every time I get a message or a comment about it. Just glad y'all are enjoying it! My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing🥺👉👈. Hope you enjoy, and all constructive criticism is encouraged.
TikTok • Instagram • Business | MASTERLIST
If you’d like to be tagged in any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!
<- Previous | Next ->
Chapter 6
It was hard for (Y/N) to focus on the moment for the rest of the night. Her mind kept replaying those few minutes of kindness Paul, a complete stranger, had given her. She couldn’t fathom how someone she had seen only from afar, someone she only knew by name, had somehow seen into her heart better than the boy who had known her most of her life. It was unexpected, thrilling, and just a tad bit terrifying.
She didn’t understand why she felt a strong pull toward him. There she was, in the arms of the person she had pined over from the moment she knew what attraction was, and her mind kept straying to the guy that had gotten her the dream catcher that was hidden in the cruiser like a dirty secret.
The piece felt nothing as such. It was thoughtful and beautiful, and the way it made her chest flutter signified a deeper meaning she could not dig out. There was no reason for her heart to react that way to him. She shouldn’t have wanted to feel his warm skin wrapped around her again, shouldn’t have wanted to inhale his scent or feel his arms against her, not even to see his bright smile once more.
Yet, that’s all she could think of as she helped clean up the night’s festivities. The way he called her name, the way his eyes lit up as she thanked him, the picturesque way his tan skin looked against the snow. And his smile. She could not get the image of his smile out of her head.
“Wait, (Y/N),” Jake called out to the girl as she followed their fathers out the door. His voice broke her out of her trance, a red hue taking over her cheeks. “Could you give this to Bella?”
He handed her a bag, much like the one she was already holding. But this one was beautiful — shiny red with a silver ribbon. It wasn’t crumbled or bent and looked like he’d put a lot of time and care into it. And it was just the bag.
“Is this another candle?” (Y/N) joked, trying her best to hide her disappointment.
“Uh, something like that,” he replied. “It’s just something I’ve had laying around and thought it might cheer Bella up. So, can you please get it to her?”
“Sure, of course. What is it anyway?”
“It’s nothing really,” he chuckled. “Looks like your dad’s ready to go.”
He pointed at Charlie who was glaring at them from the cruiser. His brows were furrowed and his mouth was downturned in an annoyed scowl. The man motioned at his daughter to hurry, his patience growing thin as his eyes followed the hand of the boy on the low of her back. Jake instantly retrieved his arm, flinching as if he’d burned himself with the touch.
“I should…”
“Yeah, you should go.” He bent down to give her a kiss, but she turned her head, his lips pressing onto her cheek. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Yeah,” she smiled forcefully. “See you.”
(Y/N) was quiet on the ride home. Bella’s gift bag was guarded in her hands, her fingers playing with the delicate ribbon. It took everything in her not to peek into the bag, to see just how much Jake loved Bella over her.
“You okay, kiddo?” Charlie broke the silence as they pulled into the driveway. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”
“Just tired,” she smiled reassuringly. “I might love Christmas but it’s an unbelievably draining holiday.”
“Well, why don’t you head up to bed and I’ll put away the food?”
“You sure?”
“I can manage a few leftovers, (Y/N),” he chuckled. “Now, go on.”
“Well, good night, dad. And merry Christmas.”
“You too, kiddo.”
The girl hurried into the house, snow melting onto her clothes as she sped in. She held three things in her hands – Jake’s two gift bags and the box that stored the dreamcatcher. She had inconspicuously dug it from under her chair without drawing any attention to it from Charlie. She did not have the energy to explain where it had come from.
When she made it up the stairs, before going into her room, she stopped by Bella’s. The gift in her hand burned a hole in her heart that she quickly tried to smother by justifying why her sister’s gift could be better. Her older sister had been here for a long time now, it was more than likely that he’d bought her gift some time ago.
“Hey, the sweater looks good on you,” (Y/N) called out to her sister. The girl had changed from her black zip-up hoodie to the light grey sweater she had gotten that morning from (Y/N). “Do you like it?”
“Yeah,” Bella sighed. “Did you have fun tonight?”
“Uh, yes. But we missed you there.” After she was met with silence, (Y/N) continued. “And, uh, Jake got this for you. He asked me to bring it.”
“Thanks,” was all Bella mumbled before grabbing the red bag.
After another silent moment, (Y/N) took this as a sign that her sister wanted her to leave. A sign she very much obliged to. She didn’t want to know what her boyfriend had gotten her sister that could be lighter than a candle but still warranted a bag. She would continue to be in denial that Jake would always have stronger feelings for Bella.
At the end of the day, she was his girlfriend, she told herself. No matter how long Jacob had pined for Bella, no matter how in love with her she knew he was, he was her boyfriend. (Y/N) was the one that got to kiss him, the one that got to hold him, the one that would be told those three words she already felt for him.
He had chosen her, and that was enough.
At least, it should have been enough.
But as she carefully unpacked the dreamcatcher Paul had gifted her and hung it above the bed, she wondered just how much Jake truly cared for her and how much she cared for him. She had been in love with him since she understood what it was to like someone. He’s always made her stomach flutter and her heart feel warm. And she had finally gotten everything she wanted with him.
Yet, she could not help the warmth that took over her when she thought of Paul, the boy she only knew by name and a short conversation. There had also been that dream. The image she could not shake from her head because it had felt real. Too real.
She had felt the love she had spoken of. After hugging him that night, she knew she had felt the same thing in her slumber. His arms wrapped around her, the warmth of his skin, the sound of his quickened heartbeat. She had felt it all inside her head.
But how could she be thinking of Paul if she loved Jacob? How could any ounce of her brain hold the image of someone she did not know? As she lay in bed, staring at her ceiling, waiting for sleep to overtake her, she thought. Maybe it was a fluke. A glitch in her head that would be corrected the next time she was with Jake. Because that was what she needed Paul to be, a simple accident.
She was laying on the grass in the clearing she knew. The wind was whistling softly, caressing her face gently. The sun warmed her body as it seeped through the trees. She was comfortable, and she felt happy.
Of course, she wasn’t alone.
Centimeters from her face was Paul’s. Their noses were so close she could feel the blow of his breath on her skin. He’d placed a hand on her cheek, his thumb stroking gingerly the length of her cheekbone. It was a touch (Y/N) couldn’t help but lean into, her eyes closing as she enjoyed the moment.
“You’re breathtaking,” Paul whispered as his fingers moved to trace the features of her face. “Absolutely enchanting.”
“You’re just saying that,” she chuckled. Her eyes were still closed as her stomach fluttered at the ghostly touch of his hand.
“It’s true,” he smiled as his thumb traced her bottom lip. “The most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
A deep red hue took over her cheeks, a warmth she tried hiding by lowering her head. Though it was a futile attempt as Paul placed a hand under her chin and forced her to look into his eyes. He smiled at her before placing his lips on hers. It was comforting and kind, and it all felt real.
“You speak like a man in love,” she chuckled, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiled brightly. “Is that what you are, Paul Lahote? A man in love?”
“Do you even have to ask?”
“There was a moment you weren’t.”
“Really?” he laughed. “I don’t remember that.”
“Well, it wasn’t too long ago, you know.”
“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you my whole life,” he smiled. “I just needed some time to catch up. Because I love you, (Y/N) Swan. Always have.”
“So do I, Paul. Today, tomorrow, and every day after.”
She was startled awake by the sound of her phone ringing, and for a second she was disappointed. She was enjoying the dream. She loved and she felt loved. She seemed happy and lively. Her dream self looked like everything she aspired to be.
Her heart was beating fast. In part from the phone, but mostly because of the dream she had just woken from. Once more, Paul had sneaked his way into her head.
“Hey, Jake,” she croaked out. “Everything okay?”
“Oh, did I wake you?”
“No, no. It’s fine,” she chuckled. “What’s up?”
“Just wanted to chat,” he responded. “Did you give Bella the gift?”
“Yeah.”
“What’d she say?”
(Y/N) swallowed an annoyed sigh. “Nothing yet,” she responded instead. “She was asleep when we got home, so I just left it on her bedside table with a note.”
“Oh, okay,” he said. “Sorry about the candle, by the way. I really didn’t have any time to get anything good but I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“It’s okay, Jake,” she said as she ran her fingers across the dream catcher. “I do have a question for you, and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.”
“What is it?”
“What can you tell me about that guy, uh, Paul?”
Jacob kept quiet for a moment, probably wondering where the question could have come from.  “Why?” he answered. “Did something happen?”
“No, everything’s fine. It’s just I was curious about him,” she lied. “Ever since he showed up to confront you, I’ve been wondering who he is.”
“Well, he’s a short-tempered, cocky guy that thinks he’s the center of attention,” Jacob grumbled. “He’s annoying and overbearing. There were rumors that he used to sleep around before he joined Sam’s gang. Paul Lahote is just a truly awful guy.”
“Oh,” she replied. Everything he had said felt nothing like the Paul that had given her the gift she inspected with her hand. He’d seemed thoughtful and caring, kind and compassionate. But those were merely her assumptions. She’d never met him before then. “He sounds like an awful guy.”
“He is, and I’m telling you, stay away from him.” (Y/N) could hear the seriousness in his voice. Yet, everything inside her screamed that it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. “He’s the type of guy that will use you and break your heart. Seriously, (Y/N), stay away.”
“I will. I promise,” she said, still lying through her teeth. “I just wanted t know who we’re up against if he keeps showing up.”
“Alright,” he chuckled. “So, we’re having a bonfire next week for New Year’s Eve. Wanna come down?”
“Yeah, sounds perfect.”
“Check to see if Bella’s up for it. It’d be good for her to leave the house.”
Of course, she thought. Inviting Bella was always close behind whenever Jake planned anything between them. “Sure,” she said. “I’ll see if she wants to go.”
“Alright, then,” he chuckled. “I’ll see you soon, beautiful. Good night.”
“Night, Jake.”
(Y/N) kept replaying in her head like an unhealthy mantra that Jacob had chosen her. Regardless of his feelings — past feelings — for Bella, he had asked her to be his girlfriend. That was enough for her. It just had to be enough. 
***
”So, you just walked up to Jake’s house  and gave her the gift?” Jared questioned as he nibbled on a chocolate chip muffin. “That’s just weird, dude.”
“I don’t know. It seemed right at the moment,” Paul exasperated. “I just couldn’t keep it at home like a freaking hoarder.”
“So, instead you went to her boyfriend’s house, who you detest, hoping she was there. Then, you gave her a gift. You, a complete stranger. Downright stalker-ish, man.”
“Well, whatever. She liked it, so.”
“You know, it doesn’t sound like your plan to stay away is actually working out,” his friend chuckled. Paul could only respond with a menacing stare. Jared was only speaking the truth. “Seemed like that imprint bond is too hard to shake, huh?”
“You have no idea,” he sighed, slumping onto the sofa. “I just… ugh!”
“Why don’t you just talk to her already? If it makes you this miserable,” Jared groaned. “I honestly am starting to miss your angry outbursts rather than these mopey ones.”
“Not as tired as I am. But that’s the way it’s gonna be.”
Paul couldn’t admit that he felt something for the girl. Not only was she with a guy he despised, but she was the sister of a bloodsucker sympathizer — it wouldn’t shock him if she became one too. Yet, those weren’t the real reasons he wanted to avoid her. He couldn’t bring himself to introduce her to his world.
He’d been forced into the supernatural. Something in his genetics decided he’d be the town’s protectant. And, sure, he liked being stronger, faster, and supernaturally enhanced. But he couldn’t impose that onto anyone else. He couldn’t expose her to this life and make her keep it a secret from everyone around her. It simply wasn’t fair.
So, he’d continue forcing the first two excuses. To protect her and protect himself. He didn’t know her and he would keep it that way. Even if his wolf had other ideas.
He couldn’t stop his head from flashing the image of her. He couldn’t stop feeling her smaller arms around him, the sweet smell of her perfume, the fast beating of her heart, the warm feeling of her skin. And he couldn’t stop hoping it happened again.
“But wouldn’t it feel great to steal her from Jake?” Jared teased. “Scratch that, I know you’d love it. Mind link and everything.”
“Oh, shut up, Jared,” he grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest. “It’s not gonna happen. So, just drop it.”
“Look, man, it won’t kill you to tell her,” his friend continued. “Look at Kim and me. I would have never had her with me had I been scared of this whole thing.”
“Yeah, and look at Leah, Emily, and Sam,” he responded in a hushed voice. “That turned out so well.”
“Technically, it did,” he retorted. “Sam and Emily are happy together. Sure they went through a lot of shit and people got hurt, but they’re happy nonetheless. And I’m sure you want that for yourself.”
 “Look, if it will shut you up, I’ll invite her to the New Year’s Eve bonfire,” he finally relented. “And she’ll probably be freaked out because a complete stranger is asking her out. Oh, and she already had a boyfriend. That’s gonna end so well for me.”
“You never know unless you try, Pauly boy,” Jared joked. “Look, I bet that she’ll say yes. You have a whole week to convince her.”
“What do I get if you lose?”
“I’ll do three of your patrols the week after.”
Paul pretended to think about it, playing into Jared’s gambling personality. But he already knew the outcome. He knew who (Y/N) would be going to the bonfire with, much to his dismay. “Alright,” he grinned. “It’s a bet. What do you want if you win?”
“Same thing. Could use some free time, honestly.”
“Alright then, the loser has to do three patrols for the winner,” he smiled deviously. “It’s a bet.”
And as much as he wanted to relish in his sure win, he was dreading having to actually interact with (Y/N). How could he show up, out of the blue, and try to spend time with her? They didn’t know each other and he’d already done some things that did not paint him in the best light. Worst case scenario, she already thought he was a creep. Regardless, he’d made a bet and he was going to see it through.
***
Jake was confused. Completely and utterly confused.
In the beginning, he was sure of what he was doing. Albeit a bad thing, he did it regardless. He was using (Y/N) as a way to make Bella jealous. To show her just how good of a boyfriend he could be in an effort to sway her heart in his direction. He wanted to help her forget all about Edward and his family.
He didn’t want (Y/N) in the crossfire. He didn’t even know she would be coming to Forks, much less staying indefinitely. But when she showed up at his house, he knew she would be a good piece to play in his game.
Jake had known that the girl had been crushing on him for as long as he’d fallen for Bella. She had not been the most subtle person with her feelings. He also knew of the underlying rivalry the sisters had. It wasn’t hard to notice which of the two was always favored by the parents, as horrible as it may sound. So, he thought if Bella saw how happy he could make her sister, she’d come running into his arms.
Deep down, Jacob knew what he was doing was horrible. He was knowingly going to break his friend’s heart in the hopes that her sister would fall for him. It was awful and calculated, but it was the only way he thought would be fruitful for him.
What he wasn’t expecting was to grow feelings for the girl. Though they were small and paled in comparison to what he felt for Bella, they were there. Especially after he’d caught Paul Lahote staring at her and after he told him to back off. He felt angry and possessive over (Y/N). Feelings he thought were reserved for Bella.
Yet, he couldn’t help the burning ire that overtook him when the guy had shown up at his front door. It had prompted him to ask (Y/N) to be his girlfriend, something he had not planned to do before the encounter. But the mere thought of having something over Lahote was enough to make him act irrationally.
Jacob did care for her, and everything he was doing had started to eat at his thoughts. But the knowledge of what could be waiting on the other side of this whole ordeal was far greater than any regret he felt. (Y/N) would soon enough move on from him, and he could have everything he wanted.
“Jake, my boy,” Billy called out to his son after they finished cleaning that Christmas night. “You and I gotta have a serious talk.”
With evident worry on his face, Jake joined his father in the living room. He sat on the couch across from Billy, wondering just what they needed to speak of. “What’s up, dad?” he asked. “Something wrong?”
“What’re your intentions with (Y/N), son? Last time I checked you were head over heels for her sister.”
“I don’t know, dad. I just like her, I guess,” he scrambled a response. His father had always been observant and wise beyond his years. Almost nothing could get past him. “It’s still very new, so I guess I’m just seeing where it goes.”
“Now, you know how much I care for that girl,” Billy continued. His tone felt almost like a scolding to Jake. “If you’re not sure about your feelings for her, you better let her know. She deserves better than to have you lead her on, kid.”
“I know, dad,” Jake grumbled. “It’s not what I’m doing. We literally have only been together a couple of weeks.”
“As long as you are aware of what you are doing, son. (Y/N) seems strong, but she has a gentle heart. I would hate to see my own child break it.” The cadence of his voice carried a soft tone that felt threatening, seeping into Jake’s bones. His face was stoic, and the boy could tell his father was serious. “That girl is overlooked enough as it is. Charlie is my friend and I care for him, but he’s never noticed how little attention he’s paid (Y/N) over the years. And so has Renée. Now, I won’t have my own son do the same to her. So, you need to decide whether or not your feelings for her are strong enough to get you over Bella. If not, it’s better to let her down gently now than when she falls in love with you. Do you understand me, Jake?”
“Yes, dad,” Jacob sighed. “I promise I’ll get my head in order.”
“Alright then, son.”
Billy turned his attention to the tv, some football highlights lighting the screen, as Jacob left for his room with his head hung low. The boy knew the weight of his father’s words. He understood that everything he was doing will ultimately hurt someone. Someone who didn’t deserve that pain.
Yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to tell the truth. That whatever spark of feelings that had ignited in him for (Y/N) was not strong enough to ever put out the fire that burned in him for her older sister. So, if he had to hurt the younger Swan in order to get Bella, he would. Every single time he would choose Isabella Swan.
Taglist: @winter-soldier-101@zheezs14 @a-sifu-hotman @sunflowerleii @DyslexicCatterpillar @Blackbluerose666 @slutforsainz @kortniec696 @xcastawayherosx@minhaimaginacao @bluebirbnamedJay @sirenheadenby@andreiaafaria@bluetreecloud20 @valejewel @nogitsune-the @user0ur0mom@skyesthebomb @swidkid @avis15 @honeylovemoon@wonieeee @edwardssugarmommy @nyenye@sugajar @lovel-blog @witchofhawkins @Six-Call @then-worship-at-my-altar@ems-alexandra @blueshoelacess @Nyctophilia710 @rosalie-whitlock @nocturnalherb16 @this-is-a-bad-idea@esposadomd @locokoca@volturiwolf@spookyqueen@gh0stgirl33@catgirlpwr @nolaxox @klf1999@krazyk99@ilikepunsbeth@adaydreamaway08@cinffy23 @paodemorangol1l1 @hufflepuffobsessedwithmarvel@toomanythoughts33@jrosefangirl@queereddie @Missvicious @sugasthreedollarkookie @laylaskywalker @fandomonetwo@fruitylilfuck @a-slut-for-Loki-Bucky @honeywxter @haroldpotterson @justamessandahalf @come-on-darling-honey @dove-chan32931 @kaita11 @gangstalicious06 @iincandescenttt @demonchick1 @uwunuggetchan @elijahssuit @multifandomreader73 @shara-ne @nngkay @blackloveangel13 @Mar @the-faceless-bride @holywolfsstuff @abs-2020 @lunajay33 @hpboysslut2707 @lisacarolined
869 notes · View notes
frvnkcastles · 1 year
Text
MY MIND RINGS ➵ F. CASTLE
Tumblr media
Summary: You struggle to relax… but Frank is determined to help you.
Warnings: Feminine nicknames, mentions of anxiety, mostly just fluff
Word count: 569
Author’s note: This is just a short little fic I made about feeling anxious and unproductive. Depression + anxiety really is a mix. Anyway, my best friend said Frank would pull me back into bed and cuddle the shit out of me and that’s the energy I’m claiming today! I’ve been having a bit of a motivation issue lately so I haven’t been writing that much but I’ve seen the requests you’ve sent me and I promise I’m gonna try to get to all of them one way or another! It means a lot you all would share your experiences with me <3
”I need to get up and do something productive.”
Frank grunted a sound of pure disagreement into your neck, tightening his muscled arm around your soft hips to stop you from escaping the warmth of the bed. His bare chest was hot against your arm, and the small scratch of his stubble rubbed into your shoulder as he tilted his jaw to kiss your neck. ”Ya don’t gotta go anywhere, sweetheart”, he reminded, voice rough and deep as it vibrated against your skin.
You frowned, and he tutted before you could get a single word out. ”Know what ya gonna say. Listen, ain’t nothin’ more productive than restin’. And this, cuddlin’ and shit? Makes both of us feel better. That’s double the productivity, baby”, he continued, making it hard to argue and forcing a giggle out of you as he hugged you tighter. ”There’s my girl.”
He was warm and firm and lying in bed with him all day did sound nice. Eventually, you suspected, the cuddles would turn into something else and that idea got your cheeks to flush with anticipation.
But as soon as you considered the thought, anxiety began to creep in again. God, why did your brain do this? Why couldn’t you just enjoy this moment like any other girlfriend would?
”I’ll just make some breakfast, okay? That’s the least I could do”, you ended up huffing, and with a sigh — one that wasn’t annoyed at you but sad that you really didn’t think you deserved to rest — Frank rolled over as you climbed out of bed.
”Aight, wait”, he protested, grabbing your wrist gently before licking his lips and running his free hand through his hair. ”I’mma help you, sweetheart”, he promised, but as soon as he got his arm around your waist, he scooped you back into the bed.
You screeched whereas he simply laughed, falling back onto the mattress and clutching you to his chest, making you snicker too as you flailed your legs in the air. He peppered kisses all over your neck, cheek and jaw before turning you around so you were lying on his stomach, and he could kiss your lips.
You sighed into the kiss, relaxing a little bit but bursting into another laugh when his hand smacked your ass. The look he gave you, though, was completely wholesome and full of love. ”How come ya can’t see you the way I do, huh? You do so much every damn day. You pour 100% into everythin’ you do. There ain’t no pressin’ deadlines right now, so it’s okay to take a moment. You’re allowed to take it easy, sweetheart. Just be with me, yeah?” he muttered, trailing your cheek with his finger before leaning in to kiss your lips briefly once more.
Blushing, you kissed his nose. ”I know. I’m sorry”, you sighed, and he immediately shook his head in response.
”Nuh-uh, got nothin’ to apologize for, girl. I know it’s the anxiety”, he reassured with a soft poke on your temple. ”Just want you to know that it’s okay to take time for yourself. Especially if it’s a bad day. Just survivin’ is enough.”
You didn’t know whether to smile or cry, so you simply laid your head down on his chest and exhaled heavily, letting all tension free from your shoulders. He, in return, wrapped his arms around you again and smiled at your effort.
”Attagirl.”
306 notes · View notes
zeenmrala · 9 months
Text
━ stay alive
Tumblr media
summary: your depression is tearing you apart, and you do not think you can survive the night. darth maul reminds you of your strength. pairing: darth maul x reader (no pronouns used) tw: suicidal ideation, depression, trauma, mental health. angst and hope and comfort. word count: 1k a/n: this short fic is for the maul lovers who experience mental health distress and find themselves lost and exhausted in this life. for those who need a reason to stick around. it may feel impossible to stay alive, but try to survive the night. there may not be peace. but there is always hope. music: i always wanna die (sometimes) by the 1975
please click here to view international suicide hotlines.
“if you can’t survive, just try.”
Stay Alive - [Read this story on AO3]
Your body succumbs to the weight of your fractured mind. All the pain, loss, trauma and hardships that have been stacking up like rancid bricks in your skull over the long years of your life have become a burden too great to bear. The wall of sorrow has collapsed above you, raining down in crashes of devastation, pinning your body beneath the wreckage: you are anchored to the ground by the breadth of your mental anguish.
Tumblr media
That wretched hollow ache in your chest is devouring you whole: you are imploding with despair and emptiness and the harrowing truth of your colossal depression. The tears come, streaming down your cheeks, the saltiness settling on your skin, in your ears, pooling in the skin of your collarbone. You hold yourself with your arms on the floor in a last ditch effort to keep yourself from falling apart. 
You are languishing so entirely in your misery that you do not hear him enter the room. You do not notice the muted whirr of his cybernetics, the soft thud of his metal footsteps, the glaring weight of his gleaming amber eyes. You don't register his unique midnight scent, the usually notable gravitas of his presence. The entire galaxy, including him, has slipped away into complete sorrow. 
But then he speaks, that rich velvet voice you know and cherish so dearly breaking through the oppressive cloud of sadness. Darth Maul speaks your name with a mix of concern and confusion. A wash of shame steals your breath from your lungs as your hazy mind acknowledges his presence. 
He shouldn't see you like this. 
"Why do you weep?" He asks in a rare gentle tone, his usual severity is muted. Do you really appear so pitiful?
"Leave me," you snap at him, the emotional turmoil sharpening your shame against him. You wipe your face with your sleeves, pulling yourself up against the wall at your back, resting your head in your arms, hiding. "Don't look at me."
He ignores your demands and wordlessly approaches. You hear him settling beside you on the floor. 
"Gods, it’s disgusting," you whisper, embarrassment washing over you like a tide.
"What is?"
"These feelings," you admit between gritted teeth as you shake your head. "This weakness."
He is silent, and you refuse to look at him, your face still hidden behind your arms.
"Why do I live with it?" You ask, not him or yourself or anyone in particular. The question just comes out, a stream of truth pouring from your lips. "This gnawing distress and despair. It's a constant shadow. It will never go away. There is no use in fighting it's will any longer."
"Explain.”
"I should let the waves of it take me," you whisper, your arms falling forward, your flushed and wet face revealed to the chilled air. "Let the inevitability of mortality wash me away."
He immediately understands. "To an early grave?" 
"A timely one. A just one. Perhaps it is my fate for this to consume me tonight." A pause, weighty and loaded. "I'm just so tired, Maul."
He stays silent, allows you the relief of a confession, of his listening. 
"I am defective. Broken. This rot within me is me. The part of me that has been slowly decaying has spread so deep that I have become it. The damage is done and I cannot undo it or repair it. I cannot stand it any longer."
"You suffer," he acknowledges. "There is strength in that."
You scoff. "There is no point to my suffering. I cannot harness its power like you. At least there is some purpose to your pain, a boon you can claim from it. I have nothing." You inhale and close your aching eyes. "I am nothing."
"No," he counters softly. "Not at all. Not to me."
You look at him, bask in the sweetness of those words, the unique beauty of his strange face. He returns to his silence, and does not look at you, but straight ahead. 
"Death is not what I want," you whisper, clarifying. "But what I need, I think. It is not that I want to give up, but I want...to..."
"Give in," he finishes for you. 
"Yes," you reply, the relief of his understanding both a balm and a heart wrenching revelation. "Yes."
He turns to look at you then, his golden eyes meeting yours. "The scars of your past will always be with you,” he says clearly, “they may weigh you down, consume you, haunt you. But they do not define you."
You blink, your eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion, such kindness and candour coming from him is a sweet surprise.
"It is true that I gain power from my suffering. My fear. My hatred. But all of that...it is mine. I own it. Your anguish is yours. And though you cannot rid yourself of it, it is part of you.” He reaches towards you, places a gloved palm on your chest, directly above the emotional ache. “Feel it. Embrace its wrath, note how brutal and relentless it has been. How it has battered you and worn you down over the years.”
You close your eyes and do as he says, delving into the ache, recalling the long years of pain and despair, how broken and lost you are…
“Now think of how you have endured it. That you are, despite everything, alive. What kind of person could have survived such an ordeal?”
Alive. You feel the heat of his palm on your chest, the sting of tears on your cheeks, the scent of space that lingers in the starship. You notice the cool chill of durasteel beneath your back, the beat of your heart, the breath in your lungs. The miracle of life, of experience, of tolerating the suffering and joy to this point in time.
“You have achieved that. You. The person that has endured all of that has the strength to survive another night. Stay alive. You owe yourself, - ” he pauses, moving his gloved fingers to your wet cheek, caressing your skin, “- this person that has fought and overcome so much anguish, another day.”
You lean into his touch, and his palm cradles your face. You nod softly, and almost whimper because yes, the pain is still there and it hurts and it is engulfing you entirely and it’s overflowing yet empty all at once. And it may always exist, eternal and timeless. But you have proven to yourself that you can endure it, again and again, as you have before, surviving those countless nights of misery that you have put behind you. You can stay alive. You breathe in the scent of his crimson skin, feel the weight of his strong arms tighten around you. You allow him to hold you for the remainder of the night, and you hold him in return, finding strength and the will to survive in yourselves and each other.
-
suicide hotlines
click here to join my taglist
taglist:
@stardustbee @kimageddon @corona-one @frogunderarock @herbalinz-of-yesteryear @dukeoftheblackstar @burningcoffeetimetravel
153 notes · View notes
Text
Falling Hard- Newt x reader (The Maze Runner)
Summary: The day you entered the glade, Newt felt something inside him grow. A need to protect you, to see you smile and laugh, to hold you when nights were cold. It’s true, the boy had fallen for you, and he fell hard.
Warnings: implied depression (Newt my poor lil boy is sad) I do refer to the situation that got Newt his limp throughout this so please lovely’s, if you think this may trigger you move on <3
A/N: Hello lovely people! My first fic back on tumblr, what a time to be alive.
Greenie day was always tense in the Glade, a new boy stumbling around, breaking rules and asking way too many questions for anyone to bear. This Greenie day was especially hard for Newt, as it was the first since his ‘accident’. The boy reluctantly swings himself out of the hammock, sharp pain shooting through his left leg as it makes contact with the unstable, rocky ground. A constant reminder of that day, the day he had finally given up hope of ever escaping the maze.
He sighs as he stretches, twisting slightly as a satisfying crack comes from the boy's back. He rolls his head to the side, eyes closed as yet another sigh escapes his lips. The blonde boy looks around, smiling slightly at the sight of the Gladers asleep in their hammocks. ‘So peaceful, not for long though’, he thinks to himself.
The day drags by slowly as Newt attends to his garden, weeding and tilling soil. Occasionally helping Alby when the leader required it. Before long the all too familiar shrilling ring of the box alarm rings through the Glade, effectively stopping all the boys from their required tasks.
Newt makes his way over to the box, pushing his way through the crowd of curious boys. Murmurs breakout throughout the group, a light buzz falling over the glade as the boys speculate the fate of the incoming arrival.
“I hope he’s a good cook, I need some help in that shucking kitchen, you guys are animals sometimes.”
“I hope he cuts it as a builder, shuck knows we need a bit more brute strength around here.”
“He’s probably going to cut it as a slopper.”
Newt rolls his eyes at his friend's comments, his mind clouded by his own judgment.
The newly appointed second-in-command grumbles to himself; “Great, another boy who’s going to follow us around like a lost puppy until he finds his place in this shucking hell hole. Another boy to feed, to explain to that we are all trapped here with no escape. Just great.”
As the box comes to a halt a high pitched scream is heard, rumbling its way through the metal cage. Slight laughing breaks out among the group as someone shouts “The greenie screams like a shucking girl!”
“Slim it.” Alby announces to the group. “Gally, if you will.”
The builder opens the box, jumping down as the metal cage shakes under his heavy feet.
“Day one Gree-“ the boys sentence is cut short as a fist connects with his jaw. The builder to stunned to speak as his eyes scan over the new arrival. “Uh Alby, Newt, you might want to come take a look at this!” The boy shouts as the gladers calls and laughter ring through the glade.
Newt peers down, his heart stopping and stomach dropping as he inspects the scene below him. Huddled tightly in a corner, wielding a knife and shaking slightly was a girl. A shucking girl! He peers over at Alby, completely stunned and without a clue how to proceed.
“Alright slint heads, back to work. Things just got complicated.” Alby shouts to the gladers.
But none of them move, shell shocked as they stare at the new greenie.
“You heard him, back to work.” Newt announces, receiving grumbles from the boys as they reluctantly make their way from the box.
Newt makes his way into the box, looking over to Gally who only shrugs, rubbing his jaw slightly from the impact of the prior events. Newt makes his way over to the girl, whose eyes are wide with fear as she scans between the three boys in the box. As he takes another step the girl panics, holding the knife out further as she speaks. Voice hoarse from crying.
“Don’t come any closer, I'm warning you.”
The threat is empty as her voice cracks at the end, fresh tears making their way down the girl's stained cheeks.
“Hey, hey it’s okay. It’s okay, we're not going to hurt you.” Newt speaks slowly proceeding closer to the girl, arms stretched out as if approaching a wild animal.
He slowly grabs the knife, throwing it away from her as he crouches down, grabbing the girl's hands as he does so. His kind eyes boring into her as he tilts his head to the side. She stares back at him, crystal orbs stained red from tears as her laboured breaths ring through the box.
Newts heart is beating so fast he’s afraid it might rip out of his chest, as he slowly rubs his thumb over the girls knuckles he can’t help the feeling of nostalgia that rushes over him. The feeling he gets is indescribable, like the first stretch of the morning, or watching the bright sun disappearing over the clouds only to be surrounded by millions of dazzling stars. The feeling of coming home to freshly baked cookies or sitting in front of a blazing fire. He sniffles slightly as tears sting in his eyes so overcome by emotion, his ears ring as his stomach twists.
Just one look at this girl and he knows, his life has been flipped upside down. And for a moment he’s falling, wind rushing through his hair as he screams to no one in particular. But this time he knows that when he lands, he wont be left broken on the cold stone walls. No, he wont be left broken again because maybe, just maybe, this new greenie was sent here to build him back up again.
1K notes · View notes
indibutterfly · 1 month
Note
Awww, the Pomni short fic made my heart swell! And that's a good thing! Well done, dear author! If you're up to another fic prompt, I have one in mind.
Caine tries to genuinely conjure up an exit as per Pomni's request that will lead to an outside world. But ultimately fails. So to help, Pomni tries to explain what the outside world is like, or as much as she can remember anyway. Caine just ends up creating a pocket dimension. Looks like outside/exit, with nature stuff on it, but not really. Pomni doesn't want to leave the place he just created though. It creates a problem because it's unstable. And so she's sent back at the circus, sadder as ever. Might even abstract.
I wonder how will you write this one ;)✨ I have faith that you can do it! Thanks again though!
So sorry this took so long! I am glad you like the last story I made! I hope you like this one!
Warning: This is really angsty
“Boss…..you’ve been at this for days….maybe give it a rest?”
“I CANT BUBBLE!! She won’t love me anymore if I don’t do this!” Bubble gave a distraught look towards his master. He has been so different ever since…..that day…..no he wouldn’t think about that right now. Maybe if he talked some sense into the stripes, then his boss would go back to normal! Bubble immediately teleported to the location of stripes. He saw her in the same corner she has been in since…..that day………not thinking about that! Bubble floated over to Pomni, with a giant smile.
“Heya stripes! Doing any better?” Silence.
“Uh stripes? Did ya hear me?”
Silence.
“Stripes, want me to get the boss?”
Silence. Bubble sighed,
“Pomni, the boss is worried about you…could you please feel better so everything can go back to normal?”
She finally responded. However, her response wasn’t coherent. All that could be heard was the sound of her muttering words…….it was honestly……a depressing sight to behold. Bubble teleported back to his boss. However when he arrived, it definitely was not what he was expecting.
“I’ve had done it……I’VE HAD DONE IT!!! My love will no longer have to suffer anymore!!! She is going to have everything she wanted!!” Caine snapped his fingers and created a mirror before him.
“My my my I look quite a mess don’t I? Well we can’t have that!” Another snap and he was good to go. He almost looked normal. Well all except for his tie being completely undone, but that had nothing at all to do with his mental state right? Right?! Caine spared it no mind, or was it pay no thought? Well whatever it was, the only thing he cared about was about to no longer feel depressed! That was all that mattered. He teleported over to his lover’s room.
“Oh Dearest~ I have the most wonderful of news!” Caine expected no response from Pomni. After all she wasn’t in her right mind! He was going to fix that!
“Pomni! I made you a special room in the circus! It’s modeled almost completely like the real world! It’s small, but I did it!” Real world……now those words caught the Jester’s attention.
“H-Home?” She said with a weak and broken voice. The ring master floated towards the love of his digital life. He cupped her face as though she were a porcelain doll.
“Yes my dear, your home.” Though she kept the same expression and broken voice, she seemed to perk up just a little bit.
“Take…me…home…” He did not waste any time. Caine took her by the hand and teleported the two in front of an Exit door.
“I know how fond you are of these types of doors, so I put your reality behind it! Go ahead my love! Open the door!” She lifted her hand and opened the exit door. Her eyes widened in shock and amazement. He did it……HE ACTUALLY DID IT!
“Do you….perhaps like it my love?” The jester ran up to the ringmaster and squeezed him ever so tightly.
“It’s perfect! Just like my home!” It was a small town with different shops that you could enter. It looked so realistic. It even had NPCs look like humans! Finally, true happiness could be achieved here for his love. Caine watched in pure enjoyment as Pomni ran around the entire area with wonder and excitement filling her. It had been so long since he saw her look anything other than scared……he could easily get used to this. Sure it took pretty much everything he had in his code to keep it together for her, but that didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered. Only her happiness. That’s all that was relevant mattered now. That’s all that could ever matter. For two weeks, Pomni hardly ever left the room. Caine couldn’t fault her though. She finally had everything she could ever want…until she got that look again. He had noticed it around the time of his daily visit to her.
“Oh my love! What would you like to do today?” She looked up at him with an almost melancholy expression.
“It’s getting dull Caine.”
“Dull? My dear whatever could you mean?” She took a deep breath and tried her very best to explain.
“I guess it just got kinda mundane. It’s really hard to have fun here, when everyday it’s the same shops, stores, etc. I guess I just want more.”
“Then more you shall have my dear! Give me only an hour, alright?” She nodded and sat on one of the benches that were scattered throughout the “real-like” room. When Caine returned, he looked rougher than usual. Not only was his tie undone still, but now his coat was completely untucked.
“There you are my dear! More for you to enjoy!” With a snap of his fingers, the room grew twice in size. There were now office buildings and homes, which created the illusion of living in the real world. Her face once more gained that amazed look as she rushed over to the new areas that surrounded the tiny business. This would be the start of a cruel cycle. Pomni would get bored of the new room. Caine would destroy himself making something new for her. She was happy. Until she wasn’t. Caine wasn’t bothered. Pomni loved him. He knew that very well. She was simply…..missing home was all. He looked in the mirror at his new appearance. His abilities were completely used, except for the little bit to keep the circus afloat. The ringmaster’s attire was torn and tattered. His hat was smushed flat, his coat was completely unbuttoned and torn. He did not look like the ringmaster of the digital circus.
“Boss……you don’t look so good.” Caine gave a sigh.
“What I look like doesn’t matter…..she is…..happy. I love her enough to give her everything she wants.” Bubble floated up to his boss. Even though he was an ai of very little brain, Bubble could tell this was unhealthy. He couldn’t stand to just sit and watch his best friend hurt himself like this. He teleported to the room where Pomni now resided.
“Stripes!” Pomni turned around and faced Bubble.
“Hi Bubble! Are you okay?”
“Stripes, the Boss doesn’t look so good. Please ask him to take away this world.”
Pomni shuddered to even entertain that thought.
“Caine made this place to show how much he cares for me. Wouldn’t it hurt him more if I asked for him to take everything back?” Bubble gave a load groan.
“Follow me, stripes.” Pomni did as Bubble asked. As soon as she walked outside her new room, the Jester saw how broken the circus looked. Pieces were falling, the stage curtains were ripped, doors were off their hinges. Caine would never let this slide! Where was he?!
“Why hasn’t Caine done anything about this? He loves this circus more than anything.”
“Not more than you, Pomni.” No……no……it wasn’t her fault that this was happening…….was it? She felt something deep within her break. Black squares began to surround and began to slowly engulf her. Bubble did not know what to do. Caine ran with everything he had in him. He felt the pain she was feeling and he knew what would happen next.
“POMNI!” He cried out in desperation. Though she had not yet fully transformed, her mental state had already left her. Caine grabbed her face and pulled her close.
“Pomni! My love! Please look at me!” The darkness continued to engulf her.
“What do you need?! I can give you anything, you want! Just say the word, my dear!” He tried snapping a few things into existence……but nothing happened. Pomni saw that.
“I don’t need anything!” She tried to cry out to the love of her life. However that’s not what came out of her mouth.
“Need everything.” That is what Caine heard.
“I can give you that! Just please…….” He began to break down in tears.
“Please, Pomni….don’t leave me!” Seeing her lover broken, she broke her even more. If she had never shown him true love, then he wouldn’t be like this. If she never told him how she felt about the real world, then he wouldn’t have hurt himself giving her what she wanted. She needed Caine. Seeing him break like that……hurt more than anything. With that she fully lost her old form.
“POMNI!” The jester known as Pomni…..was now no more. A feeling Caine had never known before.
“POMNI!! I DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU!! I GAVE EVERYTHING FOR YOU!! WAS IT NOT GOOD ENOUGH?!” He screamed at the creature.
“Was….was I not good enough?”
Broken sobs, overcame the circus.
Fin~
I kinda wanna make a part two……lemme know if yall want that.
(I am still doing ship one-shots. Send me an ask or a comment and I will do it. As long as it follows the guidelines ofc.)
31 notes · View notes