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#isolation and pushing everyone away (before he can be abandoned and hurt again- or worse get them hurt)
shipverse · 2 years
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Spent a day sketching Matt ♥️
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necroromantics · 8 months
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hello, this is only a suggestion about something you could write someday only if you like it. I'm really curious about this: imagine toby has a s/o before becoming a proxy, so how would he behave after his disappearance? do you think he would stalk them? maybe he would plan some kind of encounter or get caught stalking them (if so, how it would happen)? idk, i recently found your blog and I just love your Toby and I was wondering what your headcannons could be on this scenario.
🪓 — Ticci Toby + Old Friend
we’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when. but i know we’ll meet again some sunny day.
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AN: my bad if this kinda sucks, im not used to writing prompts like this also i wrote this in point form, but if you’d like a oneshot instead let me know 🙏
- i cant imagine toby having the emotional capacity or social skills for a proper relationship prior to becoming a proxy, though i can see him having something of an unspoken mutual love with a childhood friend
- but once he lost lyra, he isolated himself so heavily from everyone and everything, which ended up with him pushing away the only person who treated him like a human being
- a couple of years had passed until he saw them again, and when he did, he couldn’t catch his breath. it happened completely by chance. to be honest, dealing with everything he did, and with the effects of slender sickness, their existence completely slipped his mind until that fateful night.
- it was late, and dark, they were walking home from a particularly rough shift and toby caught a glimpse of them from his spot standing under the flickering streetlight.
- he almost yelled out after them when it processed in his brain where he recognized that face and stride from. once it clicked, toby took a moment before moving from his spot. he needed distance to be able to follow them home without being caught.
- when they approached their dimly lit condo, they fumbled with the key to the front door for a moment. taking the opportunity, toby quietly snuck up behind them and snaked his hands around their waist.
- “found you”
- their first reaction was to spin around and clock him in the face, and of course their fist bounced off like nothing. he didn’t flinch, he even chuckled a bit.
- when they saw his face, they gasped.
- “i thought you died in the fire???”
- “yeaah about that…”
- from that point on, toby would sneak into town just to visit them. he would rarely enter through the front door, he much preferred to enter through the bedroom window his old friend made a note to keep unlocked. it was what he was used to. he was a peculiar boy grown up to be an even more peculiar man.
- but they continued with each other as if there was no time apart. like a missing puzzle piece finally finding its way home. his lost friend would question him, but learned quickly it got absolutely nowhere. asking him was futile. they knew better.
- toby would come to them, they weren’t ever allowed to know where he was, or what he did when he was away.
- they were kept under lock and key. his secret. prized possession.
- on particularly bad days, he would show up to their place and just silently lay in bed with them, allowing his prize to run their fingers through his messy brown hair and let the chaos of the outside, and his job, slip away for a moment.
- the light in his otherwise dark and twisted world. a part of him was so scared of getting them hurt, or even worse hurting them himself.
- but he was still the same unstable, angry boy he always was. and though he tried, he wasn’t cut out for being a good partner to his long lost. there would be fights, threats, hatchet marks on the walls and doors.
- they would learn soon that he wasnt the same boy he was.
- toby could never really shake the feeling that his lover only looked at him with eyes that screamed ‘what have you done?’
- if they ran away, he would kill them. or keep them locked up in an abandoned cabin off somewhere in the forest for the rest of their miserable life.
- and if they chose to stay, they would have to spend all their time and energy being disrespected and drained. there was no fixing things. he wasnt a kid that meant well anymore, he wasnt a victim. whether they knew it or not, he was a cold blooded serial killer.
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hello-nichya-here · 2 years
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Since you like Encanto so much, what are your thoughts on the grandma? I feel sorry for her, but some of the things she did, like kicking Bruno out of their home just it make it hard for me to actually like her
Let's take a look at the timeline and context of the events here (and gush about how good this movie is):
In her youth, Alma falls in love with Pedro, and the two are happilly married, crazy about each other, have triplets, live in nice home, in a seemingling happy town.
Unfortunately, her happiness ends pretty fast, because in one of the many, many, MANY civil conflicts Colombia had, her home and her town are destroyed, and she and Pedro are forced to run away. Considering there were people happy for them at their wedding, yet they're protecting solely each other and their kids before Pedro's death AND that Alma seems to not really be all that close to anyone outside of her kids and grandkids in the future, it is implied that both of their families, as well as any close friends (instead of just acquaintances) they had, were already dead before Pedro was killed - right in front of Alma.
Yet his sacrifice wasn't in vain. A miracle happens because of her suffering and pain - nature itself starts to protect her, and the other refugees, isolating the place they're at, making it impossible for anyone to get to them. Alma also gets Casita, a magic, sentient house that will shelter her and help her as much as possible. But she still has many challenges to face: she needs to rebuild and protect her comunity with the people that survived. She needs to look after them, AND raise her three kids... alone. Without having the time, or the strength, to properly deal with the immense pain she's still feeling from having gone through what was essentially hell on earth.
Five years later, she discovers there is another thing the miracle is giving her, and the town she's now leading: her children were blessed with magical powers. Pepa controls the weather, Bruno sees the future, and Julieta can heal the sick and injured. It is pretty obvious that her kids are meant to use those powers to help their comunity, and so Alma pushes them to do just that. She pushes them too hard.
Fourty years later, Alma is still grieving her husband every single day, and the threat of having her town being invaded and destroyed still looms largely over her head (again, this isn't something Disney made up, it is based on the very real conflicts and tragedies that affect Colombia today, and have been for many DECADES). And when her grand-daughter, Mirabel, doesn't get her magical gift, and cracks start appearing in their home, she knows that her worst nightmare is coming true: the miracle, the only thing protecting the people she loves, is dying.
She turns to her son for help, asking him to have another vision to maybe explain what is happening and how they could fix it. However, Bruno has been constantly being seen as a bad guy by everyone in town, including his own family, because surprise, surprise, people don't usually like the person who is always bringing them the bad news. His vision is very confusing, but it does suggest that Mirabel is to blame for the miracle dying. To spare his niece of the same fate he had, and to finally no longer deal with the pressure his mother puts on everyone to be perfect, and with the antagonism of nearly everyone around him, Bruno CHOOSES to "run away" from home (hiding in the walls, where no one will hurt him or be hurt by his visions again, yet still allowing him to be "with" the people he loves so dearly). Unfortunatelly, that only makes the problem worse, and also means that Alma, on top of all the trauma she's already dealing with, now has no answers to what is going on, and was, in her eyes, betrayed and abandoned by her own son when she needed him most.
She presses on anyway. He grandchildren are now under the same pressure she (ACCIDENTALLY) put their parents through, and the town, and even the other members of the family, only encourage it. Meanwhile, history repeats itself, with everyone looking down on Mirabel, and the only ones who SOMETIMES stand up for her are her parents. Through it all, Alma prays to her husband for guidance, for him to open her eyes to what she can't yet see. She only manages to keep the facade up for ten more years, but the death of the miracle seems more and more inevitable each day. She continues to say "We cannot lose our home again."
But they do. Alma blames Mirabel for the impeding tragedy that is about to happen, and lets out her frustration about Bruno "abandoning" her by saying he didn't care about the family. Mirabel then points out the uncomfortable truth no one dared to say out loud: Alma and her absurd perfectionism were what caused this whole problem to start. Alma is shocked by her grand-daughter's words, and hurt because she knows they are true. The miracle then finally dies, and Mirabel runs away. Alma goes after her - goes to the same spot where she lost Pedro fifty years ago. Mirabel then blames herself for it all, essentially giving Alma an excuse to go back to normal and pretend nothing ever happen.
She doesn't take it. Instead, she apologizes to Mira, and at last opens up about her pain, telling her story and saying "We are broken because of me", showing us that she didn't tell the story to try to justify or downplay her actions, or even to seak solace. She was taking all the blame for everything. Mirabel doesn't let her do it, offering her comfort and assuring her they'll find a way to fix their family, with or without a miracle. Alma then embraces her grand-daughter, accepts her son back with open arms, and apologizes to everyone she hurt. The madrigals, as well as all the people they helped through these years, rebuild their home, which ends up saving the miracle.
Alma is a deeply flawed person, and nothing can excuse her actions - which is why she doesn't even try to make up excuses for herself. The moment she realizes she was hurting her family, she takes responsibility for her actions (which again, she was not the only one who made those mistakes and treated people unfairly), apologizes, and immediately tries to be better.
She made some pretty terrible mistakes that hurt everyone, including herself, for many, many years. That doesn't mean she's a terrible person and that she can't change her ways. Her story is the tale of two tragedies: one that was completely outside of her control and that only ended because of her pain, and one that she accidentally brought onto herself and that only ended when she let go of her pain.
So yeah, no slander against Alma will be tolerated here!
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zevexsii · 3 years
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norton campbell  sfw + nsfw hcs (gn s/o)
holy shit i love norton campbell  
cut for length! 
norton’s a very complicated guy. he’s seen some shit, done some shit, and quite frankly hates most of the world around him. not because he actually thinks it’s bad- he just pushes away everything and everyone he cares about as a defense mechanism. 
he wouldn’t necessarily realize that he was developing feelings for his s/o right off the bat- he’d get closer and closer to them without actually thinking about the butterflies that your smile gave him or the protective urges that enveloped most of his critical thinking skills during matches. 
it really depends on how easily you open up to him. especially if you’re emotionally available early on. i doubt he would entirely open up to you about the mining incident, or even about the root of any of his problems, but if you were there on norton’s bad days to calm him down or let him vent, he’ll fall head over heels for you even quicker. 
not particularly talkative. norton doesn’t really know how to keep a conversation going and deflect too-personal questions at the same time, so most days he just enjoys sitting with you. 
right before The ConfessionTM, norton begins to isolate himself more than usual. he does his best to avoid you at mealtimes, will ditch matches that you’re both playing in, paying no mind to the consequences. it’s hard for him to even look at you without losing his composure- either spacing out and making heart eyes in your direction or having graphic thoughts of your death at his hands. it would be accidental, of course. he’d lash out and hurt you; make a mistake in a match and leave you bloody. 
if you seek him out, it might make it worse; he’ll probably snap at you, but he can’t hold up his apathetic front for long. he breaks down as you turn to leave, grabbing for your hand or your wrist. he hangs his head and asks you not to go in a low, hoarse whisper. he’s sniffling. 
this is the first time norton would seek out physical comfort from you. his movements are shaky and apprehensive as he tugs you closer to him- depending on where you managed to corner him, norton’ll ask to sit down and be held by way of burying his face in the crook of your neck. he’s terrified you’re going to pull away the entire time.
indulge him. gently card your fingers through his messy, dark hair or rub gentle circles onto his back and he might cry. poor guy’s repressed to hell and back. 
norton’s feelings for you are quite obvious at this point, but he needs to make sure to let you know, just in case. when he says that he’s in love with you, he’s breathless and the words are harried. if he’s able to look at you at all, his brown eyes are anxious and searching- begging for an answer, even if it’s one that would destroy him completely. he doesn’t really expect you to reciprocate his affections- he’s high maintenance at the very least in his own eyes. 
when you tell him that you love him too, norton is awestruck. he has to verify that he heard you correctly- tell him again and he lets out a watery chuckle proceeded by a shit-eating grin. 
hold onto him a little while longer. he needs it. 
now that norton’s confessed and you’re officially together, his behavior towards you in public doesn’t change too much- in lobbies before matches or mealtimes he lingers by you, keeping up a low conversation about mundane things. he’s unsurprisingly uninterested in pda, except for special occasions. 
in private, there are a lot of casual, domestic touches. norton’s inclined to come up and wrap his arms around you from behind, or rest a hand on the small of your back as you’re working away at a task. 
adores forehead/cheek kisses. the simple things make him soft beyond belief. deep, passionate kisses are usually reserved for when things are getting hot n’ heavy, plus they trigger norton’s claustrophobia very easily. norton normally despises any sort of attention drawn to his scars- they’re a massive insecurity of his, not to mention the horrible reminder of his past that they bring up, but if you give him small smooches on his upper cheek, or the border between scarred flesh and his normal tan, he’ll melt. 
can cook surprisingly well! norton’s been alone for the great majority of his life- not to mention he lived with a bunch of bachelors, so he knows the basics. however, anything you make will be devoured within seconds. really enjoys sweets!! uses excess frosting on your lips or cheek as an excuse to kiss you <33
is a pretty big eater!! norton’s a beefy guy and he tells you that he’s gotta keep himself strong in order to protect you <3 he’s also got a phat ass
norton’s a bit clueless when it comes to asking for cuddles; he’ll just sort of drape himself over you or mumble about being tired, hoping you’ll take the hint. on bad days, he doesn’t even want to get out of bed. everything’s just too much, he hopes you’ll understand. 
let norton rest his head in your lap or hide his face in your shoulder. sometimes it’s humiliating for him to let you see him like this- hold him close and gently play with his hair or intertwine your fingers in his. actions like that help ground norton. 
coo soft things in his ears. tell him you love him, that it isn’t his fault. that you’ll stay with him no matter what. these reassurances in particular help combat his overwhelming abandonment issues. 
on regular days, norton’s favorite cuddle positions are probably those that involve you laying your head on his broad chest, or him holding you from behind. 
very outdoorsy! go on walks with him and he’ll point out interesting rocks and the two of you will pocket geodes to take home and crack open. offer norton small things that you found on the way home, or gems that you pilfered from the golden cave map. it may not seem like a lot, but realizing that you care enough about norton to remember the small things that he enjoys makes him feel endlessly loved. 
i can’t stress enough how much norton appreciates domesticity. dude’s had a rough life, at this point he just wants to settle down in a stable place with someone who loves him, hopefully with a few kids, if his s/o is up for that!
nsfw 
norton is practically a connoisseur of intense, rough sex. as mentioned above, he’s got a lot of repressed shit to deal with and most of his more ‘vulnerable’ emotions are turned into anger. unhealthy coping mechanisms go brrrrr. 
needless to say, it’s best to use a safeword with norton. 
that’s not to say he doesn’t enjoy slow, passionate stuff- most days he’s perfectly happy to bury himself inside you however you need. 
during slow, soft sex, norton prefers to be ridden. it allows him to sit back and revel in the pleasure of being fucked by his lovely, lovely s/o. 
his fear of abandonment also comes into play during sex. he’ll get you begging for his cock, whimpering uncontrollably about how badly you need him inside of you. deep down, norton yearns to be needed by someone. 
not the most vocal partner, but lets loose a plethora of gasps and grunts once he’s got your tight hole stretched around him- most dirty talk consists of half-formed, growled curses that go straight south. 
always preps you with oral. he doesn’t care how ready you are for his dick, he needs to finish you off with his mouth first. norton’s definition of finishing you off consists of bruising and biting all over your hips and upper thighs before moving on to rub a calloused finger over your clit or give light strokes to your cock, paying special attention to the vein running along the underside. by the time he’s done, you’ll have cum at least twice and that’s if norton’s rushing it. 
unsurprisingly addicted to marking you. nothing riles norton up more than watching you interact with the other survivors while they frantically try to ignore the bruises and hickeys that have crawled up your neck and right under your jawline. if said survivor glances to norton afterward, he’ll toss a sleazy smirk in their direction. you’re fucking him and everyone knows it. 
not really a fan of missionary. norton’s partial to fucking you from behind and leaving small scratches and bruises from how tightly his massive hands grabbed your hips. 
he’s a thigh and an ass guy. ‘nuff said. he doesn’t have anything against boobs, though!
won’t introduce choking or restraining you- norton wants to revel in every little twitch and movement you make while he shoves himself between your thighs. of course if you ask for either of those things, norton will indulge you. choking would probably do well with his size kink. 
definitely has a breeding kink. all he wants is to completely fill you up with his seed- he’ll go as many rounds as he can, desperate to stuff you full of his cum. he’ll degrade you while he does this- calling you his little whore, going on and on about how desperate you are for his cum. 
a fair bit into overstimulation. it feeds norton’s sorely battered pride that no one else can see you like this- flushed and nearly in tears, letting out strangled mewls of pleasure while his cock slams against your prostate/g-spot. don’t even think about hiding your face in a pillow, either. the noises and expressions you make are part of how norton is assured he’s doing a good job- he also thinks you’re damn beautiful, all unraveled for him like this. 
as stated above, norton prefers to cum inside of you, but if you’re not up for that he’ll pull out and cum on your ass or in his hand. 
pulls your hair quite a bit- he’s pulled strands out in the past and apologizes like hell afterward. it’s not his intention to hurt you. 
aftercare!! soft. norton’ll offer to wash your hair and wash your back- his hands are strong and more often than not, he ends up massaging your shoulders. wash his hair and he’s in heaven. lots of mildly soapy forehead kisses and whispered “i love you”s as the two of you crawl into bed, your head tucked under norton’s. 
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golden power; never wielded
my first work for @ninjago-angst-week! prompt - abandoned (16/08) Lloyd's never known what it's like to share his heart with another, linking two lives together as if one had found the melody to their chorus, now a song in perfect harmony. If he’d always felt like he was invisible; wondered if there was something fundamentally wrong with his inability to touch others’ hearts, then, well, that was no one’s business but his own. Of course, that was before he quite literally fell for someone - the first person, actually - who seemed to care. Of course she was too good to be true. Or, the S8 angst I've been wanting to write about 'game of masks' and the aftermath. trigger warnings - suicidal thoughts, brief mention of implied self-harm, not really a warning but it talks a lot about loneliness. "How did you know?"
"It's an Oni Temple. It's safe to assume that only an Oni could take it."
"No. How could you know that I was part Oni?"
How could you know that I was part Oni?
The question repeated itself in his mind, echoing into the blizzard.
Sometimes, he wondered what would've gone down at the temple if he hadn't been so observant.
Well, he thought bitterly, probably not the temple itself.
The walls collapsing, he'd caught a glimpse of his terrified face as the room filled with swirling inky blackness, freezing him to the bone.
But the real pain came from her words.
Ah. Your emotions. You can't get rid of them, can you?
No, he'd wanted to yell, staring listlessly at the shaking grey semblance of sky.
He'd always felt like he wielded the element of light; invisible, trapped behind a barrier that no one cared enough to break. Isolated; locked away from the world. Longing for - yearning for - a single soul to want to know his heart. Pain that almost felt tangible, bleeding into every motion, every day.
Everyone else seemed to find it so easy - so effortless - simple as breathing, taken for granted like it was ingrained into their bones. Everyone else seemed to have given away a little piece of their heart - to their parents, friends, or lovers.
The fact that his was, and had always been, entirely whole?
He was either cursed, the venom from the Great Devourer passed down to him, or there was something fundamentally unlikable coursing through his veins.
By this point, he assumed it was the latter.
Maybe, if anyone had ever cared - wanted to know him - he'd never have felt like it was pressing down on his chest like a casket; a useless block of ice that no one wanted, not even the unfortunate owner it'd been given.
If no one would know his heart, he'd thought, grabbing a forgotten map, he'd strike fear into theirs - until they knew what it was like to sob into invisible barriers, to gaze upon the world with a weary eyes and a heart heavy with the knowledge that if they vanished, no one would even notice.
He'd realized far too late that he had unleashed an evil that couldn't be controlled - or one that could only be controlled by his- by someone else that had sunk beneath the darkness until no light remained-
He'd escaped from the crumbling casket, energy and eyes blazing - only to find that Har- she'd already escaped with the mask.
The Oni Mask of Hatred.
As they had steered the boat through the river, her sweet smile hiding lie upon lie, he'd thought it was somewhat ironic - two lovers, seeking a literal manifestation of hatred.
He'd laughed bitterly; no mirth in the sound.
After his first crush had - well, literally tried to crush him, he didn't think that this day could get much worse.
Until she dropped him into a contraption that was the stuff of nightmares - leaving the others with a seemingly impossible choice.
He'd wanted to yell, scream, that they should save his mother - he'd hurt enough people over the course of his short life, as evidenced by the grief-stricken orphan yelling a foreign language right in front of him.
I'm the expendable one! Maybe she was right - it was my fault the Serpentine were able to release the Great Devourer. And it took thousands of lives - but never the life of the one who was to blame.
He'd grabbed the vengestone bars, the faint sense of numbness they brought a welcoming relief from the storm of emotions that- he honestly had no clue what to do with.
i could drown, he had thought briefly, fleetingly. what if i drowned and i never hurt anyone again-
you have  a responsibility, even though you've pretty much failed to uphold it so far
"Clotho venge! Clotho decer! Clotho haeed!"
Shoving the thought to the back of his mind, he'd gripped the bars tighter, ignoring the sting of the metal against skin.
If anything, he'd welcomed the sting.
Any pain was better than the agonizing reminder that his heart was, and had always been, entirely whole.
He didn't even realize he was trembling until he heard his father's voice echoing from the vortex.
His father hadn't asked to be bitten by an evil snake, the venom coursing through his veins for years upon years. He hadn't asked to be dumped at a boarding school for bad kids, spending what he had left of his childhood hiding in empty classrooms or yelling empty threats as his classmates snickered.
Against all odds, they'd been reunited. Evil snakes, Fangblades, even Jade Blades - none of it had stood between them.
Just when he thought they might have a future - he might have a- a family - the Cursed Realm decided to curse them all.
His father with imprisonment, him with a life devoid of a father he'd loved, at the end.
Now H- she wanted to resurrect him?
His father had been so much more than the Oni blood in his veins. So was he.
But if he was completely Oni-
Lloyd didn't like their odds. He kind of hated them.
"Clotho venge! Clotho decer! Clotho haeed!"
---
A few chaotic hours later... they'd won? They'd won.
The Sons of Garmadon (he'd always thought the name was kind of ironic - he, the only son of Garmadon, wasn't in their crazy biker gang) had been imprisoned by courageous, if a bit overzealous, taser-wielding policeman.
Ninjago was celebrating - everyone was; he should be, too.
Should he really revel in their victory, though? It was his fault that she'd been able to snatch the last mask, all the safeguards the Oni had put in place practically worthless because of his stupid feelings-
H- Harumi had been thrown in one of the police vans.
"You're right - this isn't me," she'd started, her meekness almost convincing him that she really was the girl he'd fallen for - the girl who'd been forced into a mask she never wanted to wear, but someone who still cared about the world... and- and about him.
"Stop."
He'd cut her off, the venom in his tone surprising both of them.
"Save it for someone who cares," he'd forced out, the hurt welling up his chest almost as painful as their unceremonious descent into the jungle, (the descent she'd orchestrated, he'd thought fleetingly, squeezing his eyes together) unable to believe that this- this liar was the same sweet girl he'd fallen for.
With that, he slammed the door of the van, locking her in - wishing that locking his memories away could be easy.
She'd never cared about him; simply needing to use him as if he was nothing more than the power he wielded.
He watched one of the policemen drive her away, the tired-but-enthusiastic cheers of his teammates nothing more than background noise; static.
Vaguely, he realized that his heart wasn't quite whole - he'd given a piece of it to someone whom he had thought would link theirs together in harmony, the melody to his chorus; what he'd been searching for ever since he'd woken up screaming in a 'boarding school' that seemed more like a prison.
She'd taken more than what he'd given - draining the light from his entire being as if she was the Overlord, stealing his golden power without a shred of remorse.
That failure was practically painless, compared to her-
An almost unfamiliar emotion slowly stated to replace the ache in his chest that he'd grown used to for all those years; it'd become comforting, even. Watching the world go by with a heart that seemed more like a curse, he briefly, fleetingly, wondered if he'd be better off without one.
If there was ever a problem that presented itself to Nya while she worked on the Bounty, she used to joke that it'd be easier to just dump their entire hard dive into the sea.
Destruction seemed to be easier than fixing, he conceded - the van now just a glimmer of bright light; one of the many that made up their vibrant city.
"How did you know?" he heard, yet again wondering how he felt so disconnected from his own role in the memory.
How had she known? 
The whisper of a voice long gone bled into his consciousness, his hands shaking at his sides even as the city celebrated.
Why had he even asked that?
Plastering a smile on his face as he walked over to his teammates, the question repeating itself in his mind, echoing into the blizzard.
FSM - she didn't need to be leader of a biker gang to know that.
Who could ever give their heart - the epitome of human connection; golden power all on its own, albeit of a different kind - to an Oni?
Maybe he wasn't the one trapped behind an invisible wall, built on tears and loneliness and yearning and heartache and a lone question - why? Why could no one seem to look past the cage he felt himself trapped in, observing the world rather than playing a part in it.
He hadn't been a- abandoned by everyone, he realized, a weary sense of clarity and shadowed eyes not sure to accept it or push it into the back of his mind like the hours he'd spent there, as if he'd ever want to have hurt his teammates like he did, the twisted ghost-
He trailed behind his teammates as they sang - horribly off key, his mind pointed out, forcing a small smile onto his face - lost in the figurative blizzard, despite the fact that the sun's rays had only vanished a few hours ago.
If no one would know his heart?
FSM - could he really blame them?
(if you read this far, thank you so much, you’ve made my day:D)
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obae-me · 3 years
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Upside Down- CH 2
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Author’s Note: I swear I don’t hate Mammon, he just happens to be the subject of everything right now, but don’t worry, the comfort will come. Just hold out for the next one, the healing will start I swear!
Tags: Cussing, fighting, unhealthy coping mechanisms, mentions of death, toxic friendships, blackmail (As always, read safely, feel free to ask about any of these tags) 
Word Count: 4683
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An Unlucky Break
Honestly, at this point, you weren’t sure what was worse. The humans? The endless noises? Or the devil-forsaken sunlight?! Groaning, you pulled another blanket over yourself, tugging it up above your head. Taking the pillow, you used it to try to muffle the sounds of the outside world. It was all so much. How did the humans even get any sleep? How could they see with all the blinding sun rays? You cocooned yourself tighter, imagining that you were back inside your home where nothing but endless moonlight existed and you were left exactly how you wanted to be. Alone.
But all those dreams and imaginations were dashed when you heard a single name roar throughout the house. “Mammon!” If it wasn’t his name, it would be another. They always seemed to be screaming at each other for something around here. At least they had the decency to leave you--
The door to your bedroom door opened, then shut itself quietly, the sound of panting followed by whispered cursing invaded your space. “Why’s he always gotta be on my ass? It’s just a little money, he’d spend it all on useless plastic or junk anyway. It was better off in my hands for sure. For sure...” A little bit of pacing, a small chuckle. “Just gotta lay low in here. It’s abandoned and dark as hell, he surely won’t find me.” It was bitterly amusing how your supposed “babysitter” seemed to have forgotten all about you. Although you stayed quiet, not really in the mood for conversation. Besides, you always had a knack for blending in.
The both of you sat in silence--well, relative silence, since it was obvious the human didn’t seem to understand the definition of being still. He kept mumbling to himself. But the two of you listened to whichever brother was on the hunt go rampaging through the house. Doors kept opening, slamming shut, the footsteps pounding angrily against the floor upstairs. Then it all went quiet. The brother of greed seemed as hopeful as you were that it was a sign they’d given up the chase. Mammon sighed, much too heavily. So of course, the handle slammed against the wall as the room was raided. “There you are, you--you---you!” Then the fighting started. A heavy sound of a body hit the side wall.
“Son of a--get offa me, will ya!? I don’t have your damn money!”
The newcomer growled. “That’s the problem!” The scuffle didn’t seem to end. Neither of them really dug too badly into each other, pushing, shoving, slapping. It was hard to tell if you were intrigued or annoyed. Regardless, you slowly took the blankets off of you, getting a better look at the fight. It was immediately disappointing, or maybe this was as intense as humans could take it? Mammon had his brother’s head in some sort of lock, while the attacker was simply tugging at Greed’s hair with two full handfuls. Neither of them were getting anywhere. No, this was definitely lackluster.
You were back to being annoyed. Sitting up, speaking up finally, you were going to ask, ‘can you two beat each other up elsewhere’, but you couldn’t even get that far. “Can you two--” were the only words you managed to utter before the both of them shrieked in startled fear, high-pitched enough to leave your ears almost ringing. The fighting dropped immediately, the humans instinctively grabbing onto each other in a supportive hug. They stayed like that for a good while before one of them broke away to flick the light on. The intense brightness had you blinking away spots.
Bright blue hair, a shirt with some sort of strangely drawn figure with...large proportions, a curved device around his neck, the brother’s previous assertiveness instantly melted. “W-who are y-you?! God, Mammon, call the-the cops or something!”
Sheepishly, Mammon caught his breath and cleared his throat, the look of recognition coming back to him. “Wait, Levi, this is the guest Lucifer told us about.” The one you were supposed to take care of. Not that I care.
“N-nani?!” So this was Levi Morningstar. Everyone labeled him as Envy. The third eldest and third strongest. So many of his demon followers drove themselves beyond mad, jealous that they couldn’t be as envious as the human. And if that was enough to tell you about this brother… “I thought that was, like, a prank or something! How long have they-they-they…” With every word, he seemed to turn more pink, and yet his face looked almost angrier. “Why didn’t you tell me?!” And he was back to fighting, taking Mammon by the front of his shirt. “I’ve been singing the opening song to ‘Kiss Me I’m Your Princess’ in the shower for the past week!” It was true. He had. “That’s supposed to be private!”
Mammon shrugged, his forearms raising with his shoulders. “Not very private if the whole neighborhood can hear ya, and besides I did tell ya! You were just so upset about the money you must’a not been paying attention!” He shoved Levi off of him. “So that’s on you!”
The older of the two really knew--or maybe he didn’t know--exactly how to push buttons. Levi, his anger reignited about the mention of his money, knocked Mammon to the ground. “Scumbag!”
Mammon pushed his brother off with a knee to the gut, turning the tables and getting on top of his opponent. “Fuckin’ weeb!” It was obvious Greed was the more physically capable, his speed and reactions praiseworthy, perhaps even for average demon standards. However, Levi was bringing his own to the fight--if you could even really call it a fight. He was more adept at using his surroundings as well as guessing predictable movements to stay in the ring.
Should you stop it? Human bodies were much more fragile than demon ones weren’t they? While they might have not been digging their heels into swinging, they were still aggressive, and it was only escalating. The binding marks around your wrists left a dull heat across your skin. Like it or not, you had to keep them in decent health to observe them. So you got up, placing your body between them. They quickly put their fists down, although Levi’s got dangerously close to your face, his knuckles so close they tickled your cheek. The intensity of battle fizzled instantly, and Levi touched a sore spot on his chin. Looking right past you, the blue-haired boy scowled. “You’ve got 24 hours, Mammon, you hear me? If you don’t, I’m taking this straight to Lucifer!” He went to leave, but then turned around to add something else in. “I’m sure he would compensate me by letting me sell your dumb bike!” Again, he went to the door...and again, he stopped to add another comment. “And-and forget about me lending you money ever again!” Finally, he slammed the door behind him. Which meant that finally the fighting was over with. Peace and--
Someone took you by the shoulders, giving you a shake. Every nerve in your spine sparked, the feeling of being touched burning you up and leaving you chill all at once. You slapped the hands off your body and took a good few steps back. “Are you an absolute idiot?!” Mammon yelled. 
Who was he to talk to you like that? “Excuse me?”
“Struttin’ up and steppin’ right in the middle of a fight, did you wanna get hit?!” He outstretched his hand, ready to move your head. “Did he land one on ya?”
Blocking him, you used your arm to cover your face. “Don’t touch me.” The words came out harsh and yet desperate. You didn’t mean to sound so emotional. They left your chest heavy, and apparently the human picked up on it. He backed up, his arms dropping. He turned his head away from you with a snap of his tongue.
“Damn it! How am I supposed to pay him back by tomorrow?!” Mammon started pacing, the wheels in his head visibly turning. “First I lose my precious Golide, I can’t lose Ruby!” He really was near crying over this. He verbally shouted out ideas, most of which were getting more loans from others to pay off the one to his brother. Not a smart option. But, somehow he came to an even worse conclusion. “I’ll just have to gamble it back!” Suddenly he looked excited. “Today is a lucky day, I can feel it! That way, I get to have fun and Levi gets his money back! Win win!” Or a lose/lose, if he, you know, loses. But that aspect didn’t seem to even dawn on him. “Come on, get dressed!”
You blinked. “Huh?”
“Well, you’re coming with me, aren’t ya? Don’t you want to get out for a bit? I haven’t even seen you out of this room once, made me completely forget about ya!” He laughed, every bit of negative emotion gone from his body once the addiction of gambling was rushing through his veins. Without even really giving you a choice, he was opening your suitcases which you hadn’t bothered to unpack, handing you an outfit. “Come on, come on! I do better with someone there watching me!” Were all humans this into invading personal space, or was it just him? “It’ll be fun! I’ll show you my home away from home!”
Your top eyelid started to twitch. “Don’t you have someone else to drag around?” It was meant to be spiteful, maybe a bit hurtful to get him to go away, but he just slowed. Then a familiar hue clouded his bright eyes, dulling them. A color you knew too well, the color that stained your soul. The loneliness of isolation.
He shook his head, and although you could feel a bit of his aura cry, he just smiled. “Nah, n-not many people are good enough to hang out with the Great Mammon! So-so be thankful I’m inviting you along!” It was demanding, brash, boarding on rude, but yet it came off to you like a beg.
It nearly churned your stomach at the thought of casually spending time with a human...but...those were your commands. You couldn’t hole yourself up in this room forever. At some point you’d be expected to hand in your findings, to try to restore these brothers to see if humanity was capable of change. You turned over the human clothes in your hand, the style of them vastly different than you remembered human fashion being. Sighing out of your nose, you gave in. “Fine.” His expression almost blinded you as badly as the sun.
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It was very clear to you that there wasn’t going to be a single mode of human transportation that you enjoyed. They were all loud, bumpy, and the smell of metal and plastic that stayed in your nose and settled on your tongue made you gag. Mammon, however, was extremely enthusiastic about them. He had brought you to a special room of the home called a ‘garage’ , a special resting room for the family’s many...many vehicles. Each sibling seemed to have just one car, but Mammon had a few. He had waved you over to his specific end of the large room, gesturing to--as he referred to them-- his treasures. A bright yellow low-set sleek one that he named ‘Amber’, a tall black one with a carriage for storage attached to it--called a truck apparently, but he just called it ‘Ob’. But the one he adored most was one that looked vastly different to the others. This was Ruby, the one Levi threatened to sell in exchange for the missing loan.
Although, if you were being honest, you didn’t understand why Mammon didn’t let him. “It’s broken,” you claimed.
“What?! My baby?!” He left your side immediately, scouring over it, his eye scanning over every inch of the thing. “What are you talking about? She looks fine.”
Was he blind? You pointed to it. “It’s missing two wheels. All your other motorized vehicles have four.”
Waving a hand at you, he scowled. “Don’t joke around about something like that! I thought you were serious for a second!” I was serious...Oh well...It wasn’t anything you wanted to concern yourself with. He threw his legs up over the bright red two-wheeled thing, sitting on it like one might a horse. After he fiddled with it for a second, it roared to life. The sound pounding in your head, meanwhile, Mammon was thrilled. “Ah, yeah!” The machine continued to make this deafening deep...scream. You brought your hands up to cover your ears. Did they like the noise? Was basic human hearing so dull that they didn’t find it inconvenient at all? “Come on! The sooner we get to a casino, the sooner I can get more monay!” Isn’t it supposed to be Levi’s money? Mammon seemed adamant that you join him on the...Ruby. You shook your head, and with a little frown, Mammon turned the infernal thing off. “What, are you motion sick or something? Usually people would die to take a ride on a bike like this! With me!”
“Do you have something quieter?”
Dismounting the bike, he pulled a ring of keys out of his pocket. He clicked a button and the black truck lights flashed. “I’m already startin’ to regret this. You’re a buzzkill, you know that don’t you? And here I thought Lucifer was the one who didn’t know what fun was like.” He opened the door and hoisted himself up into the car. It already sounded much quieter than Ruby. It still rumbled and made your heart leap, but it seemed steady. It appeared to you that luckily most cars operated the same way, so you remembered how to pull the handle to open the door. Settling yourself in the seat, you shut the opening behind you, trying to calm your already churning stomach. Waiting for the thing to start moving, you braced yourself, but the truck stayed motionless. “Hey, man, I know I just called you a buzzkill and all, but I can’t afford another ticket right now, so seatbelts on.”
You could only understand about half of those words. Trying to blend in with the human world was going to be harder than you thought. Maybe some studying was in order...But you had to come up with some sort of excuse that made it appear as if you knew what he was telling you. “I don’t have one.”
It was practically an insult that he looked at you with such disappointment. “Come on, playing dumb won’t work on me, Lucifer’s already pissed from the last time I got pulled over.” Individually the words themselves made sense, but the phrases were almost gibberish to you. Taking too long trying to piece things together, Mammon sighed, leaned over, much too close to you, reaching behind your head. He tugged on an extending fabric, pulled it across your body and attached it to a clasp near your hip. As it fastened, it clicked. A seat belt. Strange. Why was it necessary for them to restrain themselves like this? “Rule number one about hanging out with Mammon,” the human started pulling a similar belt around him. “When you’re in my car, I’m in charge!” He hit a button, extremely loud music pouring out of every corner of the car, making the entire carriage thump. Screaming to be heard above the audio, he tugged on a lever in the middle. “Whoo! Roulette, here I come!” Your insides lurched as the front of the room lifted open and Ob moved forward.
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Off in the distance, two adolescent humans were pushing each other around, speaking much too loudly about idiotic things. The car a little ways to the right of you had a human with long hair and tired eyes sucking on a piece of metal, blowing smoke out of their mouth. And as lines of more vehicles chugged on, and people talked in ways you didn’t comprehend, it started to hit harder how far you were away from home. This was a foreign land, filled with sins and distractions at every corner. And...food dipped in liquid apparently. As you raised the bag, you felt the slick underside of it rub off against your fingers. “Oi, oi, oi, oi, don’t be like my brother and get greasy fingerprints all over the place! I just got Obby detailed!”
You placed the bag in your lap. “I thought this machine was named Ob?”
He smiled to himself. “Ob, Obby, they’re the same. Technically, it’s Obsidian, but I like to give ‘em nicknames you know? Anyways, I ain’t like Lucifer, you can eat, but just be careful, ya hear!” He reached a hand into his own bag while the other hand was on the directional wheel. He pulled out a...fried stick and put it in his mouth. Mammon had stopped by...it was called a drive-through. At least you were starting to get the hang of their fairly straightforward naming system. You didn’t want anything, but apparently he got you something anyway. You didn’t even know what was in here, and honestly you were a little scared to find out. It was...dare you say, rather polite of him to consider feeding you. “Lucifer’s gotta give me my card back for sure! For looking after you so nicely and all! You better be thankful! I don’t do this stuff for anyone, just so you know!” And of course his ego ruined the gesture completely. Every action he made was a move to get him closer to more material gain.
Appetite was lost on you, not that this sickly human food was appealing anyway. It was all too much. The stimuli of everything was driving you mad. You put the bag beside you, leaning against the inside of the car, trying not to notice the seatbelt and how suffocating it all felt.
Suddenly, the deafening music turned down. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? You’re not feeling sick are ya? No being sick in my treasure!”
You were sick. Sick of all this. “I want to go home.”
Something about that must’ve resonated with him. He sighed, turning his head to look out the window. “Ah, geez…” Quickly, the mood turned awkward. “Hey, I mean, I can always turn around if you want.”
“Not your home. Mine.”
Mammon remained quiet at that, something that seemed like a rarity for him. It didn’t last for too long though. “They said your folks died, or something like that right?”
The lie the prince had come up with nearly made you laugh. You let out a single scoff instead. “Something like that.”
Even though you hadn’t been around Mammon for too long, he ended up surprising you. “That sucks, man...Listen...I-I know what it’s like.” The tone of his voice sounded uncertain, like this had been the first time in a long time that he’d been honest, vulnerable. The pitch was unsteady, struggling to try something on that he hadn’t worn in ages. “Losing someone...it stays with ya. Broke my family apart...if you can even call us that anymore nowadays. Once she was gone, we all found a different way to fill in the gaps.” There was humanity in him yet, buried deep beneath heavy sorrow. “But you know what helped me out the most?” You raised your head, actually wanting to look at him for the first time since you’d known him. Mammon pulled up into a lot littered with a bunch of other human cars. Just as you glanced at him, the goodness and seriousness in him retracted. He glanced out the window at a large shiny building. His particular “fill” he had mentioned had such a tight grip on him, it was hard to tell if he understood how much it controlled him. The lights of the casino hypnotized him, erasing any sense of despair that lingered in him. Or perhaps covering it up was a better explanation. This was no cure. “There’s nothing quite like a casino! Trust me,” He patted you on the shoulder. “Play a few games and you’ll forget that you wanted to go home in the first place!” Ob turned off, the shudder of the frame dying. Mammon hopped out of the car without a second thought, treading towards the entrance, leaving you behind. For a moment there had been awareness, a connection. Now, there was only one thing on his mind. Greed.
There were two options for you. Stay in this stuffy thing or follow the human inside. Neither were great options, unluckily. However, now your curiosity was piqued. Was it truly possible for this Morningstar to change? But did you have the patience to try? Maybe this was your own gamble. You landed on the solid grown below, making sure to remember to shut the door behind you. The bright white hair of the human was in your sights for only a second before he was engulfed in a crowd. At the worst, it might be fun to watch him fail...So inside you went.
If you thought outside was overstimulating, you were drastically underprepared for the contents of a human casino. Screens were flashing, noises rang out from every single inch, the carpet was almost louder than the buzzing in your ears. The aroma of tainted beverages and smoke sent your vision swirling. People bumped into you, some blind from crying, some far too lost in their indulgences to notice you were there. Mammon was gone. But even amongst all these attacks on your senses, there was one feeling that rose among them all. The presence of demons. You should’ve known a place like this where people sold their soul for the rush of a Jackpot would be where your kind thrived.
Knowing your luck, today would be the day Mammon lost more than the pot. You had to find him, quickly.
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A circle of hell…this is what this had to be right? An hour had passed and still no sign of the cursed human. The only thing you kept note of was the same dumb sign that promoted some sort of membership that was obviously a borderline scam. You had seen it three times already…you were walking in circles. It wasn’t your fault! This place was a maze, a blinking, haze filled maze. You were running out of options, as well as sanity.
A large bulky man stood against the wall, keeping an eye over the many glossy-eyed consumers. You headed up to him. It took a second for him to notice you staring. “Yeah?”
“Have you seen a white-haired man, about this tall,” you moved your arm to about where he was against your own height. “Wearing a brown jacket?”
The man huffed out a laugh. “You think I remember everyone that walks past me? Listen, I’m just here making sure people behave. I’m afraid I can’t help you.”
Useless. Turning your back on the human, you walked off again, head on a swivel. Your eyes spotted a woman, still sober, also looking around for someone, maybe she’d spotted who you were searching for instead. Coming up behind her, you didn’t wait this time for them to notice you. “Excuse me?”
“Hm?” Brown curls bounced across her forehead.
“I’m looking for someone. Have you seen-“
The woman’s attention left yours, looking up past you. “Oh, there he is!” Following her gaze, you looked over your shoulder to see someone else entirely. Someone who was without a doubt not Mammon. Without listening to the rest of your question, she brushed you off, matching strides with the person she had found. So annoying…
Then a warm sounding voice pricked your ears. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help but overhear.” A different human man approached, someone with shaggy light brown hair with eyes to match, the shadow of a fresh growing beard darkening his jawline. His black leather jacket hung loose off his body, a few sizes too big, like it wasn’t his. Not to mention it smelled of cologne and cigarettes. “You’re looking for someone? I might’ve seen them, I’m good with faces.” His smile was wide and spotless, so flirtatiously perfect you had your doubts about him.
But any help would be worth it at this juncture. “White hair, golden brown eyes, a -“
“Mammon Morningstar, right?” The answer was so sudden. “He’s in here all the time, it’s hard to not remember him, you know? Well, that and he happens to be a good friend of mine.” The lungs in your chest stopped as soon as he put his arm around your shoulders. “Tell you what, why don’t we go find him together?” The mysterious helper started dragging you forward, and as he did, a few other people pulled away from their spots in the background, carefully weaving through the crowd, trying not to seem as if they were following you...but they were. Everything in you was tempted to tear the human off of you by his arm and chuck him into the nearest machine...but that would garner attention. “You know, it’s weird…” your escort wondered. “I’m really good with faces, and yet, I can’t seem to recall seeing yours. Where are you from?”
As blandly as you could, you gave him a completely honest half-answer. “Not here.”
The man laughed. “Oh, good!” Then he turned his questions in a different direction. “How long have you known Mammon? Because he hasn’t...ever mentioned someone like you before...and Mammon tells me everything.” The amusement was sour, bitter, just like this human’s soul. Simeon had been shocked when he’d discovered you’d never taken a mortal soul. But how could you when they were always so...revolting?
Your fondness for humans had already sunken to the bottom, but somehow you found yourselves wishing to be annoyed by Mammon rather than this…human in devil’s clothing. ”You’re asking all about me, and yet, I don’t know a single thing about you. What’s your name?”
Never give a magical being your name, that was the first thing legends taught humans, at least, the last time you visited they did. Either legends had long but died out, or this human was cocky enough to pass out his name to you on a silver platter. “It’s Cory.” As soon as he handed himself to you, demonic insight did the rest. Glimpses of terrible secrets, of all the wrong he had done in his life. What greed and anger had encouraged him to do. He was dangerous, and this human had Mammon centered in his focus. “But all my friends just call me Cash. So feel free to call me that too, yeah?” You opened your mouth, ready to finally get rid of this pest and drag Mammon to his house if you had to, but Cody’s arm left you. Outstretched, he moved away from your side to greet another familiar face. “There’s my Golden Boy!”
Standing in front of a table, rattling around dice in his palm, Mammon stopped himself from rolling them. At the sound of Cody’s voice, his shoulders tensed, his expression losing it’s playful tone. Cody’s hand’s gripped Mammon’s shoulders as he came up behind him. “C-Cash, fun-funny seeing ya here!”
It was obvious ‘Cash’ also wanted to avoid unwanted attention, although anger started to darken his eyes at the sight of his ‘good friend’. Ignoring the stuttering, Cody smiled. “How’s it going? Winning anything?”
Confidence faltering, Mammon tried to chuckle. “N-not yet.”
Three of the bodies that had been shadowing you and Cody stood directly behind you, far too close for comfort. There was something odd about their presence...You were picking up a smell, something you were sure human’s couldn’t possess. Yet, each of the humans behind you possessed something that was shockingly similar to dragon’s breath… Leaning in a bit closer to Mammon, Cash let some of his true colors show. “Well, I sure hope you start winning something soon.”
Another loaner had come to collect his dues.
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the-gay-prometheus · 2 years
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Breaking out of my void to write an introspective and probably incomprehensible post because I'm thinking and I'm going to make that everyone else's problem unfortunately.
I think a lot of the time when we think of Frankenstein AUs where the creature does end up finding friendship or family or companionship of some kind, it ends up being an instant fix. Or, more like, his past traumas might, likely will, and certainly should still affect him, but the companionship and friendship and family he finds gives him some sense of comfort and that's all there is to it. Or maybe that's just how I was thinking of it as some idealized version of the truth.
Reality is a little more nuanced than that when you've lived the entire first portion of your life having absolutely no one you can really rely on or talk to, and especially when everyone who you came across in the first portion of your life either actively tried to hurt you, actively tried to ignore your existence, or both.
And I think I'm experiencing that right now. I'm not used to having people that actually give a shit about me. I'm not used to having people who just like me as a person. And I'm certainly not really used to genuinely liking others in any sense of the word - which sounds awful considering I've at least had one or two friends, and one or two whom I thought were more than friends - but even in those cases I don't think I ever really genuinely cared about them until just recently as I've only started to regain some hope in finding my place in humanity.
So all of this. All of this is strange to me. And at first it was so incredibly alluring, felt so wonderful, so great to find a community of people out there that actually enjoy my company or my content or both. It felt so great to find some people I genuinely liked. And now months have passed, it's nearing on a year, and everything is crashing down - not because anyone said or did anything, but just because the strangeness of it is starting to set in.
This is the part nobody talks about or tells you about. How suddenly you feel like either everyone already secretly hates you, or you have to make them hate you before they get the chance to find some flaw of yours to pick apart and abandon you by. There is this horrible, nagging anxiety, this desire to just disappear and go back to the relative safety of loneliness. At least the solitude is familiar. It's not comfortable, but it's familiar. When you let yourself be loved, there's always a chance that something will turn that love into hatred - something beyond your control that you can't foresee. So either you retreat, or you lash out in whatever way you know how because if you try to make them hate you then at least it was your power and your choice.
And yet, within all of that, you got a taste of something greater. Caught a glimpse of something beautiful. You've suddenly become used to a certain lifestyle with certain luxuries and you want to cling to that with everything you have. There's a push to stay, to continue to be likable and to continue to like others, all while something else inside is trying to pull you away. It's tearing you in two because you want to live this new life and leave the past behind and yet the past is so loud and so persistent that it seems you'll never be able to let it go.
I wonder if, maybe, the Creature would feel that too after a few months or so. I wonder how long it would take before that comfort suddenly slips into this internal war between wanting to live the life he was meant to live and living the life he was forced to live. How would he react? Would he run away? Would he hide? Would he isolate himself? Would he be prone to lashing out? Would he draw vent art and curl up in bed and shut the world out for as long as he can stand it (...or is that just me)?
I guess what I'm saying is. Things get better but sometimes in getting better they suddenly get worse again. And I guess that's normal. I didn't know that. I didn't know liking and being liked could be so scary and so alienating. Maybe I should have known that. I want to say at least this experience will help me write a more nuanced characterization of the Creature but... I don't want his story to end in this kind of agony so...
Surely there's a way out of this anxiety that I'm just not seeing. Is it introspection? Is it self affirmation? Is it asking for validation? Asking for confirmation that there's no need to run away and that people still care? Or is it just accepting that maybe things will go back to the way they used to be. That maybe you're destined to be hated and that maybe you should just... Get used to it and be happy with solitude - go against the entirety of your nature just for some vague, superficial sense of peace.
I wish I had the answers myself. I don't want to run away. I don't want to feel like I need to make others despise me. I don't want this to be the way my story ends either.
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If... If we were to save Ray at day 9 or 10 in V's route, maybe before that incident with V's and Rika, what would happen to Ray and Suit? Would Suit still behave like the way he is on his route, or maybe become possesive at MC? because I don't really like how MC is so ignorant at Ray like nothing happens at all between us... I imagine myself telling Seven that I saw someone who looks a lot like him, and I am absolutely sure he would do everything to save Ray himself and that thing at day 10 would not happen. Because he had asked Rika and V outright about his brother and it turns out lie....
It's a loaded question because getting Ray out of that place is next to impossible.
He wouldn't leave willingly, this is proven when push comes to shove and he's abandoned seemingly by everyone around him and left all alone. He's told to move onto the next base with the rest of the true believers, but he stays behind and decides that it's not worth it. That happens because he has no hope.
He refuses to leave because this was the only place that he had you in and this is the only place that he knows he's safe in. No matter how bad it got or how much his heart shattered. He's lost everybody that meant something and he feels trapped. He lets his suffering happen to make the pain stop.
Now, to be fair to the MC, they were ripped from Mint Eye as soon as possible, left dealing with an injured V while trying to take care of the rest of the RFA. They may not have even had the time to comment or point out that Ray reminded them of Seven. It was chaos, it was hell, it was happening so fucking fast.
Now, say that before V gets stabbed, you're able to talk to Seven while he takes a break and you quietly thank him for what he's done and he tells you that it was no problem... until you say, "You know, it's kind of funny... you remind me so much of that boy in Mint Eye... I wish we could have saved him, too."
And, that's when he freezes... and asks you what's on his mind, "Did he look like me?"
Yeah, that's when this turns into a true hell in a handbasket. What if you can confirm it's his twin? What if you have one of Ray's photos saved on your phone? What if you can tell him key details that prove it's his twin brother? It's all downhill from there, and you know that it isn't going to be pretty.
No matter what V says, Seven is going to be angry and upset that his brother was used as a pawn. He's going to go rip Mint Eye limb from limb to get Ray out. He will burn their computer server to the ground, he will fight all day and night as Ray tries to push back until he has a chance to knock their system offline.
That's when Seven would act, sneaking into that place again, knocking Ray out to avoid a fight, and wrenching his twin brother from Rika's hands. By that point, the RFA knows what she's doing and what she's done, I'd imagine that Seven would let Jumin clean up what he didn't destroy, while the others work on trying to dismantle everything.
Ray would have to be unconscious to be removed. He would fight back, and Suit Saeran is on the cusp of lashing out because of that, so it's going to be a very serious situation. So, learning how to cope with everything is going to be an out-of-body experience for Ray and Suit Saeran...
Because leaving the cult wasn't their choice and similar to the Secret Endings, if you rob him of his choice, he's going to lash out, scream, cry, and get upset. He's never had that right and the fact that people keep taking that from him hurts. So, imagine that backfiring tenfold on everyone as he lashes out and tries to protect himself from all of the triggers he suffers.
Suit Saeran would emerge purely because Ray cannot handle any of this. He may dream of a paradise, but... he's afraid of being hurt like he was... and Suit Saeran would take on the role of protecting the both of them from harm as soon as he could. Lashing out as much as he can, screaming, and demanding that everyone stay away from them or he'll make them regret it.
I feel as though, much like Unknown, it's going to take a long time before there's a breakthrough conversation. Seven might come on too strong and make matters worse. It will be important that you be there with him because he cannot isolate himself with his twin, it will just drive him further and further away You will be the key to keeping things from blowing up.
V won't make it any better, so... he can't get close, either.
You're going to have to stand by them and reassure them... both Ray and Suit Saeran, to have hope and trust again... alongside whatever therapy he can get into and the ideal way to give him safe space in the midst of all of this.
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realised after posting it’s actually @feanorianweek and even day 2, so have some Maglor
The sun was hidden from the sea that day, the rough waves turned murky grey in a perfect mirror image of the dull clouds overhead, both divided only by an endless pale horizon. All around, the colours had disappeared from the earth and Maglor wondered, if perhaps this was what the void looked like. An endless space devoid of colour, sound and feel. 
An endless nothingness to isolate one from one’s own existence and drive one mad. 
It was a far more frightening thought than any darkness or torture. 
Is that what my brothers feel? he asked the only person still listening. 
Does it matter? he answered his own question. He would never join them now, it had been much too long since he had failed to follow his brother’s example and throw the Silmaril into the waves with his body still attached to it. Too many years of wandering and suffering had passed, that had made his next step and the next note of his lament as unescapable as the passing of the hours and years. He had woven the mourning resonance of the Noldolantë into the music of Arda itself and himself with it. 
Even if he did not care if he lived, he had been surviving for so long he thought he might not know how to die anymore.
The coarse sand and stones were biting into the soles of his bare feet as he walked, having long since discarded his worn through boots. Now the quiet crunch of his steps in the sand formed an imperfect metronome for his song. 
“I fixed it.”
Curufinwë stands before him, hands outstretched and in them a little box, ticking away with the steadiness of his own heart beat.
“It was easy, Atar did not even have to show me how. Now you must not be cross with me anymore.”
 Again his feet lost their rhythm, one sinking a little deeper into a puddle of water that had been hidden under the wet sand. Around his foot he could feel the pull of the waves towards the sea, dragging the sand with them and hollowing out the ground he stood upon. He stepped aside instinctively, onto a sharp shell that cut through his skin.
“Careful, Laurë!” Maitimo calls and the white towers of Alqualondë glitter behind him, shining with the colours of the Mother of Pearl fragments inlaid in their walls. 
“Let me see that. Where was that head of yours again?”
He picked up the shell. Its hard, curved form was broken and the white edges ragged, now tinted pink with his blood.
“Káno, look what I found!” A smudge of silver races towards him, so fast, that his light hair whipping behind him in the wind blends into the pale morning light around him. When Tyelkormo opens his small hands they reveal a cone shell and, emerging from it, the scarlet claws of a hermit crab. “Can we please take him home with us?”
He thought his hair might be turning pale too. Grey, like that of the Edain, when their spirits and bodies started to wane after long years of sorrow and grief. His skin seemed grey as well, and sometimes he thought it was because he could see the grey sky through it. Perhaps he was just becoming a part of that greyness around him, fading into a lament on the waves, his song lost under the cry of the gulls and raging of the sea. Another gull flew over his head, so close this time that he could feel the gust of wind from its wings in his hair. 
A shrill scream comes from the other side of the beach, followed by a bought of laughter.
“You sound like the gulls, Moryo!”
A dark haired elfling’s face is turning an impressive shade of red as he scowls at his brother.      
“I do not!” he cries and crosses his thin arms, but when his indignation shows no effect, he quickly ducks down and picks up a handful of wet sand, hurling it towards his still laughing brother. 
“Stop laughing at me, Tyelko!” he insists and the blonde’s face immediately turns grave, as he bends down in an exaggeratedly somber manner to pick up his own lump of sand. 
“If this is how you want to play…” he says, and the scene quickly dissolves into childish screams of laughter.
Little wet droplets were running down Maglor’s cheeks. Ah, he thought, it must be raining.
There was an opening in the high basalt cliffs, nothing more than a crack in the dark structure looming over him, a comfortable shelter for a child perhaps, but not enough to hide a grown adult. He walked past and let his scarred hand trace the stone. It was as rough and blackened as his own scorched skin and its sharp edges seemed detached from under his unfeeling finger. 
The wind blew sharper now and the dark strands of his dirty hair tangled before his eyes, obscuring his sight. He listened instead to the desperate howling of the wind trapped in the small cracks and hollows of unmoving stone.
Two red-haired children cling to him, the vibrant colour of their hair burning with the curb’s fire behind them and their identical faces are flushed with excitement and the only recently abandoned heat of the flames.
“Tell us a story Káno! About why the wind howls so. Does it sing like you do? What does it sing about?”
His hair was whipped away from his eyes again by another violent gust of wind, but the darkness stubbornly remained. Was it night already? There were no stars he could distinguish, not even in the West was his father’s creation visible to the hopeful eye. He clenched his hand and walked on, the howl of the wind lost beneath his own.
He walked until the path before him rose away from the soft sand and up on uneven stone, crumbling away under his feet as he climbed, the small pebbles falling endlessly into the abyss beside him. He would not sleep, only make one step after the other until he would drop from exertion, too exhausted for even dreams to find him, may they be horrible- or worse- good.
He stumbled.
There was a bird at his feet, the white feathers making it visible to him even in the night- no, that was the dawn breaking over the horizon.
One of the creature’s wings was twisted and its neck broken, overstretched into an unnatural position on the ground, his honey coloured beak turned away from its body as if pointing out the way ahead.
Did the storm do this to you? he asked, but the dark eyes gave no answer.
He touches the impossibly soft feathers with a trembling hand and suddenly, for the first time since he has been born into these immortal lands of Aman, he understands that even here nothing lasts forever. He thinks of his grandmother, lying as beautiful and lifeless as this little bird while his father strokes her soft hair. The bird must have a mother too, or little nestlings screaming for it, and if it doesn’t, how lonely it must have been.  Perhaps it is a silly thing to anguish about, but he has a vivid imagination and a soft heart and has never seen death before.
Through his tears he sees his father hurrying from his forge, alarmed by his young son’s despairing wails.
“What is it, Makalaurë? What has happened? Are you hurt?” his father’s face is tight and pale and his hands are running over his child’s small form, trying to find the cause of his hurt, to fix it as he always does. “Please, tell me why you are weeping,” he asks again and spots the lifeless bird in the same moment. His shoulders drop in relief and his features relax into a sad smile as he pulls his sobbing son into a tight embrace. “It is alright ‘Laurë,” he whispers to him. “Everything has its time.”
He turned away from the bird and walked on as the sun rose higher into the clear, blue sky.
His father, who then had been so much younger than he must be by now, and so anxious about any sadness befalling his newly formed family. 
Maitimo had been an easy child in that regard, and really in any other regard as well. Happy and content, with the sure confidence of someone who had grown up with all of his parent’s praise and attention and who, deep down, believed he deserved it. Kind and courteous to everyone and widely loved- and later admired- in return. When he had been quiet, it had been with thoughtful consideration or the comfort that needed no words. Maitimo had never been despairing.
He himself however, befitting the poet he would become, had been much more volatile. His joy had been delightfully loud but his sorrow even louder. How unsettling these first fits of despair must have been for his father, who had always lived under the shadow of his mother’s fate.
His brothers had shed tears too, of course, but they were easily quietened. Tyelko had cried in pain after falling out of a tree and Moryo often in anger. Curvo had sometimes teared up in frustration and the Ambarussa had sobbed in fear the first time they had heard the tale of their father’s mother and discovered that there might be a force in this world that could separate them after all. But Maitimo…
The hard stone under his feet had softened into dry earth and the narrow path was being overtaken by yellow and green patches of grass and finally a thick carpet of heather, the sea of small green leaves parted by spots of rose and purple flowers. A twig snapped underneath his weary feet.
The air is filled with the fragrance of blooming petals as he wanders through the labyrinth of thick green hedges and thorny bushes heavy with blossoms of every colour. Even now, thirsty and irritated as he is, he marvels at the beauty of it all, his parched throat aching to burst into a verse of song in celebration. Yet first he needs to find his brother, as his father had sent him out to do hours ago. But today Maitimo seems to have disappeared from the face of Arda entirely and his grandfather’s rose garden is his last hope. There is a spot there his brother had shown him when he had been but a little boy- his secret hiding place he had called it. 
He ducks under the low branches of a young tree and carefully pushes away some of the dense shrubbery before he stills.
He hears their laughter before he sees them, sitting in the grass, a bottle of what must be grandfather’s good wine lying forgotten next to them.  They are leaning against each other and speaking in hushed, excited tones, and suddenly his brother is throwing his head back and is laughing, laughing until there are tears running down his cheeks and he has to gasp for breath. He is still holding onto Findekáno’s arm as his giggling cousin wipes away his tears of mirth. 
Quietly he turns away and leaves, reporting to their father that Maitimo is nowhere to be found.
 The sun was high in the deep blue sky and the sea glittered faintly beneath it. 
Maglor’s path lead him down again, away from the heather, towards the waves where the smell of salt perpetuated the air he still breathed. He did not hear the gulls anymore and the light breeze that seemed to caress his cheek was too weak to drown out his lament.
When his feet sank into soft sand again, the sun was already setting and suddenly the sky was set aflame in the same shade of red he had loved and hated and grieved more than anything else.
And again he walked on. Was it raining again?
And when Maglor walks the shore alone, his brothers walk with him, and on the wind his father’s voice whispers: “Why are you weeping, Makalaurë?”
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voidcat · 4 years
Text
— Why are you so nice to me?
Characters: Sakusa Kiyoomi & Iwaizumi Hajime
requested by anon, prompt 21
Genre: fluff, comfort
A/N: I wasn’t sure if I could write Sakusa right so I added an Iwa just in case
lots of thanks to @wordswithinmoments​ for reading these 2am messes & giving the idea for banana;) ly lots Nic
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Word Count: 1.1k
It doesn’t take you long to notice him.
A group of people can be in the center, socializing with one another, talking and laughing. He can be seen in the distance, leaning against a wall in the back corner, practically trying his best to merge with it.
You don’t think you’ve been in the same room as him much, you doubt you’ve ever heard him talk, let alone seen the bottom half of his face, thanks to the mask he keeps on at all times.
Few questions asked around and you learn his name: Sakusa Kiyoomi. So this was the infamous Sakusa of Itachiyama Academy. After that you start watching more closely.
You don’t even mean to do that honestly, but something about him pulls you in. Whenever the both of you are in the same setting, your eyes drift to him, ignoring the intense waves of ‘leave-me-be’ energy he radiates. It’s a nice distraction most of the time. When the conversation loses its spark, you can examine him without nosy glances on you, trying to guess what he must think of the people around, trying to hear his voice when you see him speak to Komori Motoya.
You see him talk to people, all happening to be on the volleyball team, few from other sports clubs. His stance changes when he’s the one initiating the conversation, instead of being forced to be apart of it. You lose yourself in the way his arms move, the gestures he makes and everything about him.
Then one day, you do something completely unexpected, of you. Before you can grasp what’s going on, your feet carry you to him. Your attempt at making small talk is met with failure, as expected. Not even knowing what to say, you do the first thing you can think of on the spot: Point at his tracksuit and say “Hey I like half ripped bananas.”
The look he gives haunts you for weeks.
As if the mixture of embarrassment and deep regret hitting you harsh was not enough, the judgement in his eyes are enough to make you wish the ground could swallow you up right then and there.
But those haunted weeks are exactly what you need to gather yourself up, get your shit together, to think your next moves and decision over and over.
The next time you walk up to him, it’s effortless. You congratulate him on their recent victory, ask about how the game went ad what not. Talking comes natural when you push your fears aside and do not worry much.
Surprisingly, he replies. It’s clear from his eyes that he weighs you first, with a shrug he proves he can be decent and engage in small talk. That is only the first step of something bigger to come.
With each approach, each conversation, interacting with Sakusa gets easier. One by one, you start to interpret his expressions, what gives him crinkles, when he wants to avoid people and when he is open to conversing. Everything is a two bladed sword, something you come to realize when his habits rub off on you. Before you know, you start carrying hand sanitizers with you, wearing masks on public transportation during the rush hours.
As time passes and sun rises, you can see him getting more relaxed around you. He carries out the conversations when he could cut them off then and there, only flinches when you teasingly poke him by the side. Some days you can see him waiting for you with something different in his eyes. And this one time, you swear you’ve caught the glimpse of gratitude when you acted before him and offered him your sanitizer. You consider going to one of his matches and bringing some snacks for him but you’re not so sure if he’d like something he didn’t know the preparation process of.
Getting to know Sakusa Kiyoomi must be addicting because your curiosity is far from dying out. You find yourself drawn to him like a moth to a light, and isn’t he the brightest of them all?
It’s a rather pleasant day, sitting under the sun and looking around, you bask in the warm light. It’s perfect for sketching your surroundings and lazying around.
Maybe you spoke too soon because something blocks the sunlight in a sudden. Looking up to see it’s Sakusa standing over you, you pat the spot on the blanket, inviting him to sit behind you.
“Would you like to model for me for a little while?” You ask him while taking out your sketch pad and pencils. A nod is all you need so you begin.
Moving your pencil furiously for the sharp edges, barely touching the paper when adding the shades, it feels surreal to see him up close like this; so calm, pure and beautiful. He feels unreal sometimes and this is one of these moments. With each stroke, you isolate yourself from the real world. The hustling of the leaves fall dead to your ears, your focus only on Sakusa, you keep turning the pages and starting new sketches.
A voice and you’re brought back on earth. Blinking again, you realize it’s Sakusa talking.
“Why are you so nice to me?”
Putting your pencil down slowly, eyes never leaving his, you try to comprehend his question and the meaning behind it. With a shrug, you choose the comedic route.
“I like half ripped bananas.” He doesn’t seem impressed at your choice of words but you’re sure you catch the tiniest hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. “Okay I’m taking it serious this time, don’t give me that look.” Breathe in, out, tampering with your brain to find a satisfying answer. “I don’t know. Do I need a reason to be nice?” You tilt your head as you ask.
“Why wouldn’t you? Everything has a reason.” Not every reason is known to us though, is it?
“Then same as my first answer, I guess.” You say with a smile, picking up your pencil again.
“What do half ripped bananas have to do with us?” He genuinely seems confused. Is it that hard for him to see?
Poking him in the chest with your pencil this time, you let out a laugh. “I like you, silly! You are the half ripped banana. At least, in that tracksuit.”
At your words, he only smiles. Gives you the warmest smile you’ve ever encountered in your life. All you can do is to hope you will make him smile again, just like right now. Something inside you says, it won’t take you long.
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Word Count: 893
Some days it’s better to be alone. To let it out, drop your mask, relax and just be yourself. Some days all you need is an unoccupied place to read by yourself when your tears come out without a force. It sounds bad but once it’s done, you feel a lot of better. Refreshed, even.
Then why can’t you seem to find any alone time for yourself nowadays?
First few times, you're leaving your spot to wash your face and it must be a coincidence that Iwaizumi Hajime happens to be around. Nothing more, nothing less, right?
Sure it looks like he’s looking at you but all you know, he might be looking at someone else who happens to be in the same direction as you. Then he starts asking questions.
First time, it’s an awkward standing by, fiddling with his fingers he seems to be at a loss of words. Then a choked out “How are you?”. With a quick “Fine.”, you walk off.
It doesn’t end there, much to your dismay.
He begins to approach you more often, asking you how you feel, if something is bothering you, stuff like that. You double check in the mirror on these days if your face is red and puffy from crying, if it contains any signs of negative thinking. The answer is no, obviously. You wonder if he can tell from something else that you’re not feeling well.
You receive the answer to that short after. Because whenever you feel ready to run off to solitude, he finds a way to ask you something; just to linger, to keep you there, maybe to distract you. Some days it work, some days you ask yourself why he does that. You’ve never been close friends.
He starts talking to you more and more often, even if it’s just small talk, about the weather, classes, seasons. He tries including you in conversations with others, with his friends too. You can’t find yourself denying him and yet the suspicion is always there, waiting.
Another day rolls up. It’s not even that bad actually, just some minor issues piling up and pressuring you. This time you make sure to look out for Iwaizumi and go before he can notice you leaving.
Not sure how long it has been, you hear a noise from your back. You don’t raise your head from your knees.
A hand on your back and you move your arms slightly to peak. It’s him.
Stroking your back slowly, he sits by your side. The two of you sit like that for a while.
Feeling ready to talk, you raise your head slightly. “Why are you doing this?”
He raises an eyebrow at that. “What do you mean?”
“Why are you always here, trying to talk? Why are you doing all this? Why do you act like you care? Why are you so... nice to me?”
He stares at you for a moment. You can feel tears forming in your eyes again. Why must he look at you like that with those warm brown eyes?
“Why are you asking me this?” He says in a whisper.
“Because I want to know!” You don’t realize your voice raising until you see him irking.
“Can’t you see?” He says back, voice raised as well. “Because I like you, you idiot!” He throws his arms in the air. “And it kills me to see you like this, hurting, isolating and driving yourself away from everyone. It hurts to see you going through things your way and hurting yourself in the process. It aches my heart to know you’re shutting yourself out completely; and there’s nothing I can do to be there for you, to help you feel better, to show you you don’t have to fight abandoned.”
It takes everything in you not to cry, you fail. The worried expression on his face gets worse. Wrapping his arms around you quickly and pressing your face into his chest, you can hear him mumble “No, no, no. Please don’t cry any longer.”
As he strokes your hair, probably an attempt to soothe you; you find your tears gone and yourself laughing, shaking with laughter. Crying of happiness has always been a foreign concept until now; crying never felt so delightful.
From the way his grip tightens around you, he must’ve thought you’re sobbing again. Trying to touch his arm to break free off his arms, you call out to him.
“Iwaizumi-San, please, let go of me. I am only laughing.”
Hands still on hour shoulders, he pushes you away from himself and starts examining your face carefully. All you can do is smile. Pulling you to himself one more time, for a quick hug this time, he says to your hair: “Please don’t scare me like this ever again.”
“I promise, I won’t.” You say, smile getting only wider. “But I have one condition.”
He doesn’t seem super excited about it. So you continue. “If only you promise to be there by my side, like you said. I think, I like you too.”
When he pulls you in for a hug as an answer, you’re certain he has broken a rib of yours or too. You don’t have it in you to worry one bit about it. Hugging him back, you smile to his chest, taking in his scent.
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cadomoisspokenfor · 3 years
Text
Ya know thinking about it, maybe there’s nothing more to Syds weird amount of trust for Farouk than gullibleness and pride.
There seemed to be a pattern of her not really internalizing the severity of Farouks crimes, she mostly just thought of him as an “asshole” throughout all the seasons and not someone doing deep long lasting damage to the people around her.
In chap 11 when they find the music box David ask what it is she says, “Nothing just your asshole parasite messing with my head.”
As if its Davids fault Farouks evil, or as if Farouks only a David problem, and not ya know, an extremely powerful supervillain bent on world domination.
I’m trying to figure out what Syds perception of Farouk was, so lets look at their major interactions.
1. Discovers his existence, chap 5. She was wondering what the problem in her and Davids relationship was and now she has someone to blame. I’ll point out, it’s likely she was only thinking of Farouk as an obstacle in the way of her and Davids relationship, and not as a horrifying abuser who’s had a chokehold on David for his entire life. Now the “mission” is clear, snip Farouk outta Davids head, everything’ll be perfect.
2. David and Amys childhood home, also chap 5. Farouk jump-scares them a few times. And I think as far as Syds concerned, that’s a cheap trick. She sheds a tear but then puts on a brave face and keeps moving. Just a horror show after all. None of it “real”. But then Lenny actually jumps out and attacks her, telepathically ties her up then starts grotesquely kissing David while he’s unconscious. And the way she talks, I think Syd internalizes Lenny as being like... a jealous ex. The kissing, the “you stole my man” type language. Man, this relationship obstacle just won’t get out the way. And then...
3. Mental Clockworks, chap 5-7. In the white room Farouk reveals his true form and chases Syd down which scares the shit outta her. But, important note, he doesn’t actually touch her before the delusion is put in place. It’s still very much not real.
Anyways, what’s a horrifying display of control and power for everyone else worked a bit differently for Syd. She was the only one who noticed anything was off. And she couldn’t place it for a while, which worried her, and she eventually gets incapacitated by Lenny. But then, she’s woken up by Cary who takes her into a phone booth and tries to update her on what’s happening, only she’s already figured it out. I’ll point this out as a moment of overconfidence, she’s visibly proud that she was able to see through the illusion. She’s not like the others, she’s a hero archetype. And being that means when Cary hands her the glasses and tells her to go save the others she’s super confident in her ability to do so. She’s the hero after all. And when she does put on the glasses she remarks, “She thought it’d be more interesting.” She’s actively downplaying this nightmare. I don’t hold it against her but my point in saying all this is that it comes back later. This is another instance of her thinking Farouk’s “Not that big a deal.” Underestimating his abilities. I mean, she saw through it after all, she could probably do it again if she needed too... right?
To summarize 3, Syd sees herself as the hero who saw through Farouks cheap illusion. She feels stronger than Farouk here, like he couldn’t hurt her (really hurt her I mean) even if he tried. And in that, she can’t relate to the others who treat it like a big deal or like a traumatizing moment in their adventure. It was just a standard hero vs villain fight to her. Really hope the points getting across cause this’ll come up later.
4. White room, chap 8. Another interaction with Lenny only this time she’s on the ropes, looking a lot worse for ware. Syds not scared of her anymore, or so she tells herself at least. She saw through Farouks tricks. She can do it again if she has too. Nothings gonna get in the way of her and Davids happily ever after. Except Lenny has a good point... she’s still inside David. Still attached to his mind. She could explode his brain if they try to rip her out forcefully. And David can’t handle himself against Farouk, Syd knows this. Cause Davids never won against Farouk up to this point. Getting out of Mental Clockworks was a team effort from her, Melanie, Cary, and Oliver. If it hadn’t been for the crown they wouldn’t’ve gotten out of their. Syds role in this was to keep Kerry and Rudy safe until Cary could complete his end of the plan. And she did. But David was helpless in that, as far she knows. So she, the hero, needs to do something. Just sitting around isn’t good enough. So... she switches with David again. Using a true loves kiss too, a truly fairy tale worthy action, one for the books.
She’s fully possessed now, completely outta control of her own body, but Farouk only used her to get Kerry. It’s a very short moment for Syd, she might not even remember it. When she wakes up she says, “Did we win?” She honestly might’ve just blacked out after the kiss. Because they’re not telepaths their minds are probably much easier to push to the side than Davids. She might not’ve really... experienced the possession is what I’m getting at. And she’s once again most concerned with David.
D: “You should not have done that, as much as I like kissing you.”
S: “It would’ve killed you.” She says that last line not in a concerned way, but in a playful-ish way. As if to say “Obviously I saved you. I’d destroy the world myself if it meant saving you.”
Ya know what, I’ll point out here also that David once again failed to beat Farouk. Syd managed to get Farouk out of his mind but David still couldn’t stop him in the real world.
5. Plaque, chap 9. As explained in show, Syds been part of the team hunting down Farouk and trying to stop him from finding his body. Before chap 12 she and everyone else is under the impression that Farouk is the source of the “maze virus”. A psychological plaque that freezes everyone in their tracks and causes them to chatter their teeth. Disturbing, but... just based on other stuff we know about the character... she probably doesn’t care that much. Her main focus is probably still David. And when David comes back, she immediately blames him for disappearing. Her context here being that he was found in the club they followed Farouk to, next to a bunch of teeth chatterers mumbling, “Help them. Their in the maze.” Clearly, he’s been somewhat involved with the events of the past year, so why hasn’t he contacted her? Why hasn’t he included her in it? Why’d he abandon her? He says he doesn’t remember anything? Ptonomy says otherwise. Clearly he remembers something. He’s keeping secrets. She gets why from the others, but why from her? They’re supposed to be a team. And he abandoned her, to go clubbing with Farouk or whatever it is that he was doing their.
6. Music box, chap 10. Davids back. Maybe she can just pretend things are normal. He leads them to the middle of nowhere and they find her old music box. Farouk. That asshole. His little jump scares and memory tricks won’t get to her. He can’t hurt her, remember? This is all he can do. Illusions, trick. And she’ll see right through them every time. Besides, was reminding her of her childhood really the best he can do? Yeah she’s got a childhood, so does everyone. She’s over it already. (I’m starting to type more and more in Syds perspective.)
6.5 Syd the illusion breaker gets caught in the maze, chap 12. Only... she’s out of it before David even enters her mind to save her. She sees that he’s there, doesn’t know why, but decides to use this as an opportunity to teach him a lesson. We all know the lesson though. The headline in this particular case is, “David never saved Syd from her maze.” He never even saw it. She doesn’t know what he’s talking about when she mentions it. He entered her mind but she’s the one in full control. Scary good control even, props to her. The lesson she’s trying to teach him is sort of... her own thought process on heroism. “Love can’t save us, it’s what we have to save.” Up to this point “love” is all Syds been fighting for. It’s been the driving force behind her heroism. She’s done some messed up things in her past, sure, but all her problems only made her stronger. They made her the “truth seer” she is today. They led her to David, the best thing that’s ever happened to her. No villain can hurt her more than she’s hurt herself. This all... obviously doesn’t translate perfectly to David. That’s just... not been his experience.
(Skippable David Tangent) Farouk hurt David the most that any one person could. And David couldn’t hurt himself more even if he tried. And all Davids pain hasn’t made him mentally stronger, less gullible, or less sensitive. The opposite in fact. Davids minds been split, unbeknownst to Syd. He’s in a constant state of confusion. He keeps getting tugged around by friends and enemies and doesn’t know what to do about it. Davids pain hasn’t shielded him at all, just caused him more strife. He’s even still being manipulated by his abuser. The survivor story just doesn’t work on him, at the moment at least. As far as Davids concerned his “strength” comes from his powers, and he didn’t get a choice in those either. Syd doesn’t see any of this, she’s not a telepath. She hopes her story will help him but... it really only applies to her. Back into her perspective though,
7. Lenny’s back, chap 15. I know this isn’t a Farouk interaction but it is sorta important. Davids not listening to her. She’s trying to remind him of the mission, trying to keep him focused, but clearly it’s not working. Losing his sister really affected him. She understands sure, but he won’t even talk to her about it. Love is what’s supposed to be used to help each other through these dark times, to make sure people don’t feel alone. But he’s isolating himself from her. He isn’t “saving love” he’s pushing it away. That’s not what heroes are supposed to do. Farouk is once again in the way of their love. She can’t blame David, and she knows it’s not her fault, so Farouk.
But the headline there is she’s downplaying his sisters death. As if it’s just another trick to mess with him, an obstacle to be hurdled over. Like the music box thing. But... his sister died. In fact... Lenny was more immediately comforting to him about it than either of the Syds were.
Syd still isn’t internalizing the pain Farouks causing to others. All she’s internalized is her own wins against him and the fact that he’s never permanently damaged her specifically. Or so she says. He’s still just a ghost in a haunted house.
8. Lenny talk, chap 16. Syd comes over to gloat. She sees through Farouks trick. Lenny’s not gonna frazzle her, or David. She’s just another obstacle to their happiness. Only Lenny drops a hard truth on her. And Syd doesn’t seem to want to hear it. She’s stunned at. Tbh... I think she walks away deciding not to believe her. It must be another trick. She just said that to mess with her (again, Syds thoughts). She really really wants to continue thinking of Farouk as “just some asshole” who they need to work with and/or defeat so her and David can finally have their happy ever after. At this point, if she actually started thinking of Farouk as dangerous to her, as a major threat, it’d feel like giving him power. The power of fear, over her. She refuses to be afraid of Farouk, cause she knows that’s how he tricks people. That’s how he controls them. So she doesn’t listen to Lenny. She resolves to continue downplaying Farouks crimes. A dog barking in peoples ears.
9. The cave, chap 18. In between this and the last one David left her again. He really doesn’t get what “saving love” means. But she dedicates herself to him again. If he won’t save love, she will. She’s a hero after all. She’s beaten Farouk in the past and she’ll beat him again if she has too. And then... the cave. Incorporating what another fan has said, even if Syd does pic up on Melanie being Farouk, she knows her future self wanted to work with him for some reason. He was the key to saving the world. He may be a house haunting asshole, but if he saves the world, then there’s gotta be something more to him... right? Melanie complains about Oliver some more, she’s over it. But then Melanie starts showing Syd images. Syd doesn’t know how she’s doing that, but some of the images are from very private personal moments. And they’re all centered on David. These must be memories. Both her and Davids. How Melanie is doing this can go on the back-burner for now, what is she trying to tell her with these? That Davids crazy? No, Farouk’s the one who was behind all these things. Davids “her man.” Her one true love. The problem in their relationship has always been Farouk.
But then... there are all those moments after she got Farouk out of his head. Him keeping secrets. Him not confiding in her, or being there for her. Him constantly leaving her behind. That’s not how love’s supposed to work. A psychopath? Well, when you say that... and you show these images on the screen... and you show him torturing Oliver ( a victim) to get to Syd. And enjoying it, almost like he just wanted the excuse to go all out. Like it’s not really about saving Syd. Or love for that matter. Syd maybe admits to herself at this point that Davids fairly unhinged. He’s had a rough childhood though, there were bound to be some sharp edges here and there. He tortures Oliver for a long time though. And it really starts to feel like he just likes doing it, not that he’s doing it cause it’s “necessary”. It doesn’t even work.
And then... Melanie shows her Future Syd. She matches the description David gave her. And there’s David, in those same pajamas he wears. And... he’s kissing FS. He didn’t tell her about that. It’s not cheating cause it’s her future self. But... they talked about this. David was the one to say it might feel weird. Why not tell her? Why keep that a secret. Even if it’s not cheating, it certainly feels like it. It’s a huge betrayal. And he doesn’t have Farouk as an excuse. Davids just... a bad person. She’s starting to piece together the point of all this. “Legion, The World Killer” yada yada.
David hasn’t been loyal to her. He hasn’t saved loved, he’s not going to save love. The path he’s on is dark and selfish. Could he destroy the world? They’ve known he could since season 1. They never thought he’d actually do it. But wait no, you can’t give up on love that easily. He’s a good person. And then Melanie shows it all again. And she shows him kissing Lenny. And she shows FS telling Farouk about David. And Syd can’t help but concede. Davids too far gone. Farouk may be an asshole, but David lied about everything. He lied to Syd. Again, Davids not going to save love, he missed the mark on that. Davids going to end the world.
Very important to point out here, as I’ve tried to build it up, Syds internalized herself as a hero who doesn’t let anything get to her. Farouk can’t hurt her with his illusions and tricks. She’s seen through them before and she’ll do it again. But David betraying her? Keeping secrets? Playing with her heart? That hurts more than anything Farouks done to her. She invested in David. She was on his side no matter what, but he wasn’t on her side. So if FS says Davids evil and has gotta go, than she’ll believe her. He’s gotta go.
All of this hopefully explains my theory on Syds specific moment-to-moment reasoning thoroughly
I also wanna say though, if I’m right this makes Syds moment on the mountain make more sense. All the specific unexplained discrepancies.
She says she knows it was Farouk who showed her all that. Because she doesn’t perceive Farouk as that big of a threat and again, as mostly a house haunter. Those were clearly memories, she doesn’t care that the infos coming from him, and she believes she can tell the difference between an illusion and something real. so Davids gotta answer for that.
She gets a detail wrong, she says “He went to see her, after you quit.” But we all know he saw her before David quit and specifically set him up. Syd doesn’t know David specifically broke their rules after they set them. She thinks he kissed her beforehand and didn’t tell her for whatever reason.
And again, she doesn’t fully understand what everyone around hers been through. Hence, “The son of sam” thing. To her, Farouk maybe evil, but you can see through his tricks if you just try hard enough. Even though he possessed her she didn’t really register it happening. At a certain point the things you do when he’s in your head are on you (says Syd).
Oh, and also majorly, the “Farouk, your enemy” thing. She never really care about him all that much. He was just an obstacle. David was the one who had a weird complex about him.
Tl;dr Syd doesn’t view Farouk as much of a threat. She doesn’t register or internalize the pain he’s causing to the others cause he’s not doing any of it to her. Syds main focus is David and when she realizes what Farouk’s showing her are memories, and that David’s betrayed her and isn’t planning on “saving love”, that hurts her more than anything Farouks done. Thus, she turns.
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cals-sunflower · 4 years
Text
gonna get better (a.i)
summary: a relationship is worth way more fighting for then giving up.
-
“ashton, all i fucking asked was for you to be there! i’m basically living alone at this point. why can’t you see that i just want to spend time with you,” your voice slightly strained from yelling. this was the fourth fight that you had with ashton that week. nonstop you’ve been going at each other’s throats not caring about the words that could hurt the other.
“have you ever thought maybe i stay out with the boys because i don’t want to come home. that i’m tired of the same dumb shit,” his voice raising by the minute. your head dropped low while you nodded.
“so my feelings are dumb, huh?” the silence between you two was loud. your heart thumping against your chest. “you know that’s not what i meant or said.”
you sighed and looked at ashton who stood on the other side of the counter in the kitchen. “look maybe we should call off the-“
“don’t go there please. i don’t want to throw away our relationship because of petty arguments. i don’t regret proposing to you.”
“then what are we supposed to do ashton? we can’t keep going like this. we say words to hurt each other, we fight, and i don’t know how much more i can take.” ashton slowly walks over to you to pull you into a hug, instantly you wrap your arms around his waist.
“i think we need some time apart. then go to therapy to really work out our issues. what do you think?”
“as much as i don’t want to be separate from you, we probably should. ash i wanna get back to how our relationship used to be,” you looked up at him to see the tears in his eyes that matched yours. “me too honey, me too.”
-
your friends could tell the tension between you guys. you and ashton hadn’t told anyone in the group what was going on but it was painfully obvious. you guys no longer sat together cuddled up at hangouts, didn’t hold hands or even touch and most of all, your faces no longer held happiness instead letting the gloom take over. being away from him made it worse, he was so close yet so far.
to ash: i need you.
from ash: i’m on my way rn.
“are you okay?” upon hearing ashton’s voice, you immediately speed walk to hug him. “no, i don’t want to do the distant anymore. i need you more than ever right now,” he rubs your back letting you cry on his shoulder.
“i’m right here love,” you guys hugged for a few minutes just resting in each other’s presence and it felt good. it felt good to be near your fiancé in the most vulnerable state because clearly that was lacking.
“so what do you want to do?” he laid his hands on your cheeks, rubbing away any lose tears. “can we go to therapy together like you suggested? to really figure out what’s wrong. i missed you so much. we’re usually glued to the hip.”
“let do it. i mean it when i say i don’t want to break up over our miscommunication. you’re it for me and i missed you too.”
-
you woke up with ashton in the morning to head to the therapist. having a silent breakfast didn’t help any. it wasn’t that you felt awkward but you felt like anything could happen and next thing you know, you guys aren’t together anymore. you feared that.
“hey, you ready to go babe?” ashton’s hand rested on your back. “yeah yeah, sorry. ready when you are.”
“there’s no reason to apologize. i’m scared too if we’re being honest but we’ll never get better if we don’t get to the root of the problem.”
“i know,” you wrapped your arms around him to pull him into a hug. you hugged him as if you were gonna lose him.
-
“so what do you think actually went wrong in the relationship? y/n, you can go first.”
you let out a breath, “I feel like after he proposed, he stopped giving and putting in the effort to our relationship. it felt like he was basically saying ‘hey i got the girl. no need to do anything more’. don’t get me wrong, for the first two months it was amazing and now it just turned to shit.”
“ashton? what you feel about what y/n said?”
“i feel bad i made you feel like i don’t care. why didn’t you tell me?” you scoffed at his words.
“really ashton? i tried to tell you and you told me to fuck off.”
“i did not say fuck off, if anything i-“
“then why are we here ashton? we would not be in this mess if you would just listen to me.”
“don’t put this all on me, you’re just as guilty.”
“oh fuck you ashton, i can’t do this,” you wiped your face with the back of your hand and stood up to walk out the door. “yeah run, run like you always do.”
“me? you’re the one that pushed me away! you’re the one who refused to get vulnerable enough to talk to me.”
“i’m here aren’t i?! i’m here trying to fix what we have but look you’re running.”
“because you refuse to take any fucking responsability. do you even want to get married or did you just propose to me because you thought it would make me happy?”
the therapist didn’t know what to say, clearly there was more to it then just miscommunication. when ashton didn’t say anything, you thought you figured it out. and to be quite honest, you wanted no part in it.
“so you only proposed because you thought that would make me happy? i would have been happy without the ring ashton. i only wanted you,” you looked down at the ring before pulling it off and handing it to him.
“i can’t do this if you aren’t going to be fully in it. i love you ashton but i can’t do this. i can’t keep going with the back and forth. i guess call me when you’re ready? or not that’s up to you,” you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and walked towards the door.
ashton felt stuck, had he actually just lost possibly the best thing that happened to him. all because of his pride and he didn’t want to admit it was him out messed up. it was in fact him who pushed you away not the other way around.
-
the time you spent apart from ashton was a very hard healing process. you had to really work on your happiness again. you couldn’t stay in the house you once called home because it reminded you of ashton. it was the house you were going to build your lifes together in as one.
from crystal <3 - hey girly, me and si are gonna pick you up from work. we need a lunch date!
to crystal <3 - sounds good crys, i missed you guys :)
from crystal <3 - we missed you too lovely! can’t wait to see you
time flew by fast and before you knew it, sierra and crystal were there at your job picking you up for lunch.
“babes! c’mon we’re going to your favorite restaurant,” sierra pulled you into a hug laying a quick kiss on your cheek.
“it’s nice to see you guys too. man i missed you guys,” you pulled crystal into the hug too. you had isolated yourself from everyone in the friend group. you felt like it would hurt too much. but it’s been months since you seen them.
when you guys arrived to the restaurant, you seen all the guys but ashton sitting in the booth. you felt nervous, like you had abandoned your friends. immediately your eyes watered.
“no no, please don’t cry,” calum was the first to wrap his arms around you. “i’m so sorry.”
“there isn’t anything to be sorry for, we understand why you stayed away. it’s okay,” the other boys now joining your hug.
“i missed you guys.”
“we missed you too short stack,” you chuckled at luke’s nickname for you.
after the hug, you guys all sit down and catch up with each other. you wanted to ask where ashton was but it made you scared. scared that he moved on in those short months. scared that he didn’t want to pursue the relationship between you two again. you’d probably never be able to get over him. you’ve been together since you guys first met while they were writing youngblood.
“now, i hope you don’t mind and you can leave if you want to. but there’s someone who really wants to talk to you,” michael spoke making everyone else at the table stop talking.
“hi doll,” the voice you missed hearing. the voice to the person who has always been there for you. you turned your head and body towards ashton.
“hi ashton.”
you took the time to study his face and he did the same to you. you missed seeing his face in the morning when you woke up. the smile he gave you when you’d make breakfast together or even stay in bed.
“i’m so sorry for-“
you cut him off by hugging him and squeezing him tightly. you missed moments like this. he had really changed your life for the better and to not be with him killed you. he kissed the top of your forehead and mumbled apologies.
ashton let go of you for a moment to get on one knee like he did when he proposed to you.
“baby, i love you so much and i know i can’t ever let that love for you go. you’ve there for it all and i don’t want to let that go. i know i haven’t been the most present when i proposed.
i’m sorry i made you feel like you were alone in this. this isn’t me reproposing because i want to work on our relationship first but this my promise to you. my promise to a better person for you. my promise that you’ll never be alone again. honey i can’t do it without you. i’m sorry that i placed blame on you for my mistakes. and do not feel any pressure to take me back. it’ll hurt but i want you to be happy.
even if it’s not with me. i love you so much that-“
“you’re rambling,” you wiped your tears and kneed down to face him, “ashton irwin, i love you so fucking much and i missed you. thank you for even taking these months to figure out what you really wanted. I want to give you another shot because you really are the only one for me.”
it was like you’re friends didn’t matter in this moment, just the two of you getting lost into each other’s eyes.
“i thought you were going to move on if we’re being honest,” he wiped the stray tears from your cheeks and wiped his.
“move on from you? baby there isn’t anyone i rather be with but you. you’re my motivation. my sunshine on a cloudy day,” you chuckled at the corny words because it was your inside joke behind you two.
“i promise to communicate more and i can’t express more how sorry i really am.”
“we’re gonna okay now, right? you’re not going to isolate yourself from me again?”
“we’re gonna be okay my love. i promise to not do that to you again. and i want you to know, i proposed because i’m madly in love with you. i’m sorry i stopped putting in the effort.”
your friends felt happy for you guys. they knew how much you loved each other and couldn’t wait to see your rekindled love.
“is this the part where we kiss to seal the deal?” ashton laughed and nodded at you. he was quick to meet your lips in middle and place a kiss on them. “gosh, i missed that.”
“i missed that too sweetheart but i missed you even more,” he helped you stand up and brought you into a proper hug. you guys have a long way to go but you knew for sure that it was gonna get better from here on out.
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winterscaptain · 4 years
Text
day off.
Aaron Hotchner x Reader
request from anon: taking hotch and the kids to the beach! 🥺🥺 rating: gen no warnings apply, just teeth-rotting fluff, shirtless aaron, and hotchner babies
AO3 | Masterlist | Requests Open!
i got excited, this got long. so it goes. thank you thank you thank you anon for this request!
+++
You stand at the bottom of the stairs, hands on your hips, squinting. Getting out the door on a school day was tough, but getting six Hotchners into a car bound for the beach was a fate worse than death.
“Jack, do you have the towels?” Aaron barrels out of the master bedroom with a tote bag full of snacks, sunscreen, and assorted beach toys. He’d already packed two just like it. 
“Yeah,” comes the reply from upstairs. “but Isaac can’t find his shoes.”
Just then, another wail. “Mom!” 
You sigh, looking at Aaron. 
“They called you, not me,” he says with an almost-smile and a shrug. 
You swat at him. “Prick.” 
His laughter is the underscore as you jog up the stairs, finding Isaac’s shoes right away and tossing them toward his bedroom door. Isolating the shout, you get to the girls’ room. Sophia is tangled in her bathing suit with Caroline fruitlessly tugging on straps here and there. 
“Caroline, can you go help your father pack the car? Do you have your shoes?” You snag a couple of necessary items off the floor – a pair of flip-flops and tiny pink sunglasses. 
Caroline snatches all the items out of your hands and runs down the stairs. 
“Okay baby girl.” You kneel next to Sophia and help her fix her suit. You smoosh a floppy hat and a kiss on her head and send her down the stairs. Two down, two to go. 
You walk back out into the wide hallway, finding your son struggling with his strappy sandals. 
“Do you want some help with those, bud?”
“I got him, mom.” Jack pops out of his room and kneels by his brother, correcting the mismatched straps. 
You lean over to kiss Jack on the head. “Can you make sure he gets to the car okay? I’m gonna check on your dad.” 
Jack huffs a laugh, and it sounds eerily like Aaron’s. “I got this one. Dad could probably use the help.” 
Jack is usually right, and this time is no exception. Aaron leans into the car, one knee on the backseat while he struggles to strap Sophia into her car seat. He’s got a backpack slung over one shoulder and a tote on the other. His sunglasses have long fallen off his head and onto the lawn, along with his flip flops abandoned on the driveway. 
Caroline has planted herself in the small colony of bags near the rear bumper, playing with her sandals.
You approach him, placing gentle hands on his waist. “I got this, love.”
He startles, smacking his head on the doorframe. He curses loudly, and you step back as he rises, a hand on his head. 
He turns to you with a defeated sigh and you hide a smile. “Why did we do this again?”
You smile, grabbing his face and bringing his head down to your level, kissing the sore spot. “It’s your weekend off. You’re supposed to have fun.”
He shakes you off and shoves the hair off his forehead with a dry, “Ah. Yes of course. My day off and my wife decides she wants to go to the beach with our four children.” He undercuts his snark with a kiss almost inappropriate for mixed company.
“Ew!” Sophia shouts from inside the car. 
He pulls away from you with a little smile and caresses your cheek, leaving you to the crucible of the car seat. 
You take his place leaning into the car, tucking Sophia’s arms into the straps. She’s looking at you with her father’s eyes. You take a moment to kiss her little hands and poke at her ribs until she’s laughing.
Another pair of little hands grab on to your bare thigh, and you reach blindly for Caroline. You haul her into your arms and plop her into her car seat. “Hey little bug.” 
She smiles at you. “Hi momma.” 
You drop your voice to a whisper. “How’s dad doing?”
Mulling over an answer, she answers just as quietly. “He’s sweaty and saying a lot of grown-up words.” 
Dropping a kiss to her forehead to hide your smile, you thank her for her intel and finish strapping her in.
+++
By the time you all make it to the water, everyone is a little sweaty and a little hungry. You tackle the tote bags,  and umbrella, while Aaron takes the twins in his arms. You never get tired of watching Aaron juggle the girls, one on each hip, as they got older and bigger. 
Jack runs ahead, straight into the water, and the girls follow once Aaron lets them go. Jack is chronically helpful, keeping an eye on both girls, but especially Sophia Haley “Flight Risk” Hotchner. 
Aaron learned early in your marriage that setting up your beach chair was the first priority upon arrival. As soon as it’s set, you drop yourself into it and grab your book. Isaac takes up residence on the towel at your feet with his coloring book as Aaron continues to adjust, flutter, and assemble to his heart’s content. 
You and your family are blissfully unaware that Derek is currently kicking ass on the beach volleyball court not 100 yards away. Leaning back into the sand nearby, Penelope watches the game while Spencer plays a game of chess on his portable magnetic board. He will beat Emily next time.  
“Spencer.” Penelope removes her sunglasses to get a better look at...is that? 
He doesn’t look up. 
“Spencer!” She smacks him with her glasses and he looks up with a start. 
Penelope gestures wordlessly to the new additions to the beach, and they both study the scene for a moment. 
“Is that?” Spencer asks. 
“I think so.” 
“Call Emily.” 
+++
You aren’t quite sure what makes you look up from your book. Isaac is still coloring at your feet, Aaron and the girls still down at the water, watching Jack shred on his new skimboard. You chuckle to yourself and shake your head. The man will not remove his white crew-neck unless pressed, even at the beach.
Nevertheless, you look around out of habit, pushing your sunglasses onto your head, and spot a cluster of familiar faces by the beach volleyball court. 
“Isaac Spencer Hotchner?” You ruffle your sons thick, dark hair to get his attention. 
He looks up at you with a set of familiar brown eyes. He’d been this focused since birth, coming into the world with an alert awareness. It only made sense to name him after Reid. “Yeah mom?” 
He crawls into your lap, smelling of sunscreen and boy. 
“Look over there for a minute. Does that look like your Uncle Spencer?” 
He follows your gaze and nods, beginning to wiggle in excitement. Spencer’s head snaps up as Isaac’s eyes find him, as if he knew his namesake was looking for him. 
“Don’t you think those people with him look like Auntie JJ, Aunt Penelope, and Aunt Emily? And is that Uncle David?” 
Isaac looks up at you for permission, still squirming, and you help him out of your lap. 
“Go get ‘em, baby. Tell them to stay put until Daddy notices.” He squints at you, confused. “It’ll be funny,” you assure him. 
You watch Isaac sprint as fast as his legs will carry him until he’s all the way into Spencer’s arms. Returning to your book, you settle in for the show. 
Aaron and the girls get tired after a little while and return to the little hideout. You look up, and Aaron leans down to give you a salty kiss.  
“Having fun?”
He cracks open a bottle of water. “Surprisingly, yes.” 
Your smugness must show on your face because Aaron rolls his eyes and shifts his attention to your unruly children. You watch him take count, looking back down to your book to hide your smile. 1, 2, 3....1....2...
“Where’s Isaac?”
“Oh he’s with Spencer,” you say, as if it’s obvious, pretending to read your book. 
Aaron squints exactly the same way Isaac did only minutes prior. “Reid?”
“Not just Spencer!” Emily says, running up and scooping Caroline into her arms. The little girl laughs and your heart swells. You couldn’t ask for a better family. 
Aaron looks straight up into the sky, completely and utterly defeated. You could swear you hear a “What did I do to deserve this,” followed by, “I get two days off. Two.”
“Your ankle strap is showing.” Derek, in mock panic, throws his button down over Aaron, who swats at it immediately with a curse. “There are women and children here, man.”
Finally free of the ridiculously-patterned button down, Aaron instinctively reaches for both his hip and his ankle before realizing he’s not armed. 
He looks at Derek with an exhausted sigh, while Derek’s grin nearly eats up his whole face. 
“Lookin’ good, Pops,” says Rossi, coming up behind Hotch and clapping him hard on the shoulder. 
“You’d think,” Hotch says, raising his hands in defeat as you look on with a smile, “that you’d all be sick and tired of me after a decade and a half.” 
Emily barks a laugh. “Not a chance, stud.” 
Aaron rolls his eyes.
JJ plants herself at your side, enjoying the spectacle as much, if not more, than you. Sophia crawls into her lap, and JJ plants kisses all over her face, covered in sand. 
Jack calls from the water. “Uncle Derek! Skimboard!”
“Oh man, it’s on!” Derek calls back, already running toward Jack, who’s holding the skimboard aloft. Derek turns back, bouncing on his toes. “You game, Hotchner, or are you too old?”
Aaron, with another long-suffering sigh and a kiss to the top of your head, whips his shirt off and sprints past Derek into the water. You take more than a minute to admire his retreating form. God bless America and God bless the FBI.
“Too old,” Rossi grumbles. “I’ll show them too old.” 
He rolls up his pant legs and sleeves and starts to walk leisurely down the beach. 
“What the hell are they doing?” Emily’s shadow interrupts your sunlight, and you push your sunglasses back to the top of your head. 
“Skimboarding, apparently,” JJ offers. Sophia giggles in her arms. 
You look over your shoulder to find Spencer and Isaac a way off, playing chess together. He’s taken care of. 
“Couldn’t they get...really hurt?” Penelope says, sitting in the sand beside JJ. 
“I guess,” you shrug. “It wouldn’t be our first visit to the emergency room.” 
Derek puts forth a good showing, going a fair few feet before landing straight on his ass. Aaron does poorly, as expected, but gets two good runs in before he hits the sand hard, his board shorts riding up as he slides across the sand. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen Jack laugh this hard. 
You shrink back as Aaron stands, revealing a wicked sand burn you can see from your chair. “Oof. That’ll bruise tomorrow.” 
Emily puts a hand on your shoulder as the boys attempt to discourage Rossi from engaging with the skimboard. “Oh my god.” 
You all watch, open-mouthed, as Rossi asserts command over the board, still wearing all of his rings, his pants, and his button-down. You’re not sure there’s a drop of water on him, when he finally kicks the board up, landing back on the sand with the board tucked neatly under his arm. 
Aaron’s hands are in his hair as he stands frozen in shock. Jack and Derek go absolutely feral, running up on Rossi and engaging in all manner of manly theatrics. 
Eventually, Aaron comes to his senses and jogs back to base, leaving Derek, Jack, and Dave to their now-heated skimboarding competition. 
“Feeling your age, Agent Hotchner?” Your good natured ribbing draws a laugh from all the girls (even the little ones). 
“You,” he says, falling onto the towel at your feet, “are lucky I love you because you are pushing it today.”
“I love you too.”
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lavendertwilight89 · 4 years
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Far Away
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Posted here on AO3!
No smoots today--maybe in another chapter depending on how this one is received?
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It was a long day after Kagome had emerged from the well. After Inuyasha and her embrace, they were almost immediately interrupted. The only words between them were them asking if she had kept him waiting and him asking what she had been doing during the time they were apart…
When they pulled apart, he wore a soft smile of contentment. He hadn’t complained or even shown embarrassment from their disruption. She found him at her side after she had run off to greet everyone. He was a silent shadow as they journeyed into the village with the others. 
Once they reached their town, everyone had to talk to her. EVERYONE. It was crazy! Not that she didn’t want to see her friends, their kids, Kaede, even Rin… But her mind was utterly consumed by the half-demon who pulled her up and out of the well. She had so much to say--so much to ask… even so many desires to be fulfilled.
His presence never left her; that at least helped her a little bit as they walked through the village together. He likely wanted to talk to her too. Afterall, it had been three long years since they had seen each other. Maybe he had things to say as well.
They met more strangers on their walk through the village. People Kagome probably should have paid more attention to--but the hanyou was like a drug. She couldn’t get enough of him. Even though she could sense his youki, actually feel him by her, she couldn’t help but check to make sure he was still standing there. That it wasn’t a dream--that he, in fact, was physically present. Her hand often found his, to make sure this wasn’t some weird delirious psychotic break. That he was tangible and very real. She thanked all the Gods when his hand brushed and caressed against hers, sometimes even blessing her when their fingers would intertwine in return.
After the long afternoon of greeting people, saying hello to new and old faces, they found themselves sitting in Kaede’s hut, just like last night before her middle school graduation; she felt pure nostalgia. It was just like old times. Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kaede, and Inuyasha along with Rin and of course the twin girls and baby boy. While the feeling of the familiarity comforted her, she was also hurt--their lives had kept on going. It wasn’t like when she would go into the well to restock on supplies for their travels or if she had to go take a test at school; they hadn’t just stayed at the village awaiting her to return to restart their mission. This time they had kept on living and growing. Because she wasn’t there--and they likely thought she’d never return. 
Kagome couldn’t fault them for that, nor could she hold envious or jealous feelings towards them. If anything she was hurt; hurt that she had to even pause her life with them in the first place. That she had just pushed through trying to finish school. She was more or less forced to move on because the well wouldn’t work. Or rather try to keep living her life in her own era. Obviously that hadn’t worked. Nor did she want it to, for that matter. She had fought like hell and managed to get back there.
But it felt like there was so much time lost. There were three years between who they once were and who they were now. Were things still the same for her friends? Was she still family? Did they still see her as an important part of their group? Or was she pushing herself into a place where she no longer belonged? Like she had forced herself into doing back in her own era…
She became a broken puzzle piece--something that never quite fit but almost did. What was depressing about everything is that no one seemed to notice. Well, everyone but her mom. Sadly her mom couldn’t take the pain of the loneliness away. The feeling of being a misfit--not belonging without everyone else, knowing only made her feelings of isolation worse.
Were things still the same with Inuyasha? If she had stayed would she and Inuyasha--would they have a hut? Would they have children? Or at least a child? Would they have continued traveling? Would they have-- claws danced on her wrist and she locked eyes with amber hues of concern. She smiled softly and shook her head but took his hand, firmly erasing the negative thoughts that had begun to consume her.
It wouldn’t have been the first time she allowed that to happen. The separation had been hard on her. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually… even physically. Seeing that they had moved on made her happy. It meant they didn’t go through what she did--not really.
But Inuyasha seemed to be able to show her it was possible he left his life open to her with just the single press of his hand. It was funny how they were always so bad at communicating, yet somehow, one look and touch, she knew exactly what he was saying. Or at least she hoped.  
“So Kagome, do you intend to stay here with us tonight? Or will you be traveling back to your time?” Miroku asked as he bounced his son on his lap.
“Huh? Oh… Uhm. Well--the thing is--ah…” Why was she so nervous? Was she already having doubts about where she belonged?? No. This was her home. They were her friends--they just spent all day with her for goodness sakes! They could have very well allowed her to walk about the village all on her own but they escorted her the whole way. Why was she being so insecure about all of that?! “I think it was a one-way trip.”
Gasps filled the hut and all went silent. Well… that was awkward. She began nibbling at her bottom lip when Inuyasha pulled her chin to face him directly. He gazed at her in disbelief and awe.
“You really mean it Kagome?!!” Shippo shouted from in front of her, gaining her attention and stealing whatever words Inuyasha was about to say as he dropped her chin much to her disappointment.
“It’s--something I’m not going to test, actually.”
“Kagome--that’s wonderful!” Sango cheered standing and hugging her tightly.
“We have all missed you, Kagome,” Miroku said fondly. “Some more than others,” his voice dipped as it laced itself with playfulness leading to the smirk she saw adorning his face.
“Ye are more than welcome to sleep here child, or there is a spare hut ye can more than happily claim at the edge of the village until we can have one fashioned for ye,” Kaede suggested
“Really?” Kagome said in wonderment. They were really--that excited and happy to have her back?
“You’re also more than welcome to join us--we have a large hut and a spare room currently,” Sango offered.
“Th-thank you. I’ll take some time this evening to decide,” she mumbled. What was wrong with her? Why did she feel so out of place? It was just like--no. She belonged HERE. That’s why she came back. 
“Kagome,” Inuyasha said. She looked into his imploring eyes and nodded at the unspoken question.
“We’re going to take a walk,” she informed everyone; said information earned them smirks and giggles. Kagome blushed but rolled her eyes as she took Inuyasha's hand while they left the hut together.
They walked in companionable silence until they reached their ultimate destination--the sacred tree. Everything always led back to there. It was where they first met, where she released him from his imprisonment, where he got his kotodama, where she had seen him with Kikyo and thought there was no room in his life or heart for her, where she realized she loved him, where he refused to abandon her even when she was possessed, where he told her he needed her by her side, where they spent long lazy afternoons… This place meant everything to them. 
She idly ran her hand against the trunk and hummed happily from the sensation. It was thicker and healthier than the one that stood in her time. But it was like she could still feel where her family was--and the ultimate realization she was there--with him.
Turning back, she looked into his beautiful golden eyes that lit up her heart. She had been so afraid she’d never see them again but here she was, standing before him, the sky pink, purple, and orange from the sunset, the brisk cool air of night flowing around them.
And she had no idea what to say. She had rehearsed everything so long--when the well would finally open and she’d be able to tell him exactly how she felt, what she wanted, how she would put it all on the line for him--but standing there in that moment, she froze. Was it fear that stalled her? Uncertainty? Probably a little of both. 
Three years hadn’t necessarily aged her friends in a bad way--but it did give them families and new focuses. What if he had a new one as well? Doubt seemed to eat away at her for no real reason. But she was older than she was when she left; she had felt so secure right before time ripped them apart. Now… she questioned her place.
Not that she would have regretted coming back and not like she totally expected everything to be the same as when she left but… she just felt so far away from the girl she had been at fifteen.
“Inu--”
“You came back.”
“What?” The way his words brushed against her, the whisper of his words… They hurt her. Not like he had meant to hurt her, no. It pained her to hear the longing and desperation in his confession. His admission of her being in such close proximity he too, felt it was unreal.
"You're… really here. This isn't some weird convoluted dream I made up--I’m not dead---I--” It slightly comforted her he was just as at a loss for words as she was.
She stepped closer to him and released his hand; she really looked at him. How had she not even seen the differences when she had seen him in the golden rays of sunlight? Why just now, in the hues of red?
He looked older, more mature, softer… his face no longer wore a permanent scowl. It showed understanding, longing...love. Her heart skipped a beat and began beating erratically. She was nervous, happy--elated that she finally found somewhere to belong. Someone she could belong to. And of course she started crying. Because why wouldn’t she ruin the moment? She was a fool to think she could ever make something perfect--
His arms wrapped around her and pulled her to his chest. “Fuck--shit--what did I say?? Did I fuck this up??”
She let out a choked sob and clung to his arms, “N-No--I-I’m sc-screwing this u-up!”
“Not even possible. You’re here… You’re the one making this reality.”
Her legs gave out as she wept into his chest. She was so pathetic letting herself get so caught up in her head and self doubt that she was making this reunion a shit-show. Shockingly she had thought somehow he would have said something stupid and she would have had to be the one to brush it off and reassure him. But no. It was her. Three years obviously switched their roles; but would he honestly be okay with being the emotionally stable one?
He held her up without question or further comment until she was done. She hadn’t even noticed they were sitting on the larger roots of the tree until she lifted her head and saw their position.
"I'm sorry," she said sadly--embarrassed of her actions and display.
“Don’t be. I’d take your tears over your absence,” he whispered softly into her hair making her flinch. She knew how much he hated when she cried. 
“I--I missed you,” she started lamely. Missing him didn’t actually articulate half of how she felt. But she also didn’t want to scare him off. Maybe he’d want to take things slow… after all, they had only just kissed when she was ripped from him.
He had just lost Kikyo and yea, she knew she held a place within his heart but… but therein lied her insecurities. While she had returned, while she dreamt of that moment over and over--standing there in the moment, she was terrified to hear that she was just a replacement. Even though he never treated her as such, at least not that she saw, the anxiety still was deep within her heart.
Every fear, every dark thought she had about herself was festering and threatening to spew from her lips. Those three years broke her. She knew that they had both grown, obviously. But…did that mean everything would change? Or could they possibly pick up where they left off? 
But that also meant they had to ask, where did they leave everything. They shared a kiss. He swore to protect her with his life, not that he hadn’t already been doing that anyway but, where did that leave them?
Were they together? Would they court like a normal couple? Or would they… get married? 
“Kagome. I can’t--” He shifted so that he could look into her likely puffy eyes. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I… Fuck. I’m not good at this shit.”
“It’s okay…” She sighed. 
“No. Kagome-- I--I went to the well. Every three days. Just to see if there would be some fluke, to see if you had returned. I knew you were safe with your family. There were others who needed you; there were others that loved you. I made peace with you never returning. The fact you were safe and loved was enough for me. But you’re-- you’re back.”
“Yes. I’m back,” she confirmed.
“Do you know what--what that means?” His eyes were glazed over with an unrecognized emotion she had never seen. Not even with Kikyo.
“I--I--” She stuttered, unable to come up with words. “I--don’t?”
“No?” He rumbled.
“N-no. I--don’t want to say something that may be untrue. Or overthink anything. I--don’t want my hopes to be dashed,” she said as she realized she was unconsciously licking her lips in anticipation of his heated gaze.
“Yea, guess I deserve that,” he muttered, closing his eyes and exhaling. His forehead pressed to hers.
“No! No! This isn’t--damn--” Again, here she was ruining everything about this moment. She grabbed his cheeks and tried to get him to look at her.
“Kagome, I know I was a jerk. An asshole. I just--it’s hard for me to be honest about my feelings,” he admitted as he opened his beautiful golden eyes. “But I want to. For you.”
Her breath hitched and she probably was the same shade of his haori. Her heart raced rapidly in her chest as he pulled away slightly. She didn’t even stop the whine from the lost contact regardless that she was still within his arms in his lap. “Inuyasha--”
“Kagome, I never, I couldn’t stop thinking about ya. Yea, I was kinda emotionally stunted when we traveled together. But I had just literally got my heart trampled on--when even then I was willing to give up half of myself to be with the other person. Yea, it was all deceit and fuck--I don’t know what would have happened if it had come to pass and I used the jewel to become human; who knows if it would have actually worked or not. But I do know, as shitty as it sounds, That I’m kinda glad that’s not how it all played out. I--I’m grateful we met. I'm thankful you gave me a chance when I didn’t deserve one. That you loved me in spite of all that I am and do.”
“Inuyasha…”
“I know three years have passed. I know you came back, no way back home… And as selfish as it is, I really fucking hope it was to be with me. Yea, our friends are great and all but--I want you. All of you. Your time, your presence, your attention… everything.”
“E-Everything?” She echoed in awe.
“Only if that’s what you want… But for me, nothing has changed.”
“Nothing?” She couldn’t help but let the disappointment drip in her voice. 
“What I meant was--my feelings for you--they haven’t changed. You’re--fuck--I’m--why the fuck is this so hard?!” He growled in annoyance. She couldn’t help but sob lightly with laughter. He was the same at heart. He was still her gruff hanyou.
“Because it’s us. We always were bad at communicating. These three years… I can’t imagine what it was like for you. I know it’s so selfish of me to even say any of this--but I know how you felt. Or at least, I think anyway.”
“You are the least selfish person I know, Kagome. I’m probably the most self-centered out of our little ‘team’.”
“But you had reasons for that Inuyasha. I don’t. Not really. I just--the well--I didn’t appreciate what I had here until it was too late. You all are my family. And yes, I needed to go home and finish school for my family. But--I just. I’m sorry,” she started crying again uncontrollably.
His arms wrapped tightly around her and tucked her head under his chin as he let out a soothing rumble from his chest that could have put her to sleep on the spot. But they had so much to talk about. So much she had to say still. 
“Don’t be fucking sorry. I’m the one who tried to keep you from that life and why you ended up having to stay here in the first place--”
She pulled away and cut him off placing a hand over his mouth, “--but I don’t regret that. Ever. Falling down the well, destroying the arrow, traveling with you… I--I was so happy I could be your first real friend. That I could bring others to you to trust; a person who made you realize you didn’t have to be alone.”
“You’re right. Inside the jewel--I realized you were the only reason I have friends, friends I can rely on and trust. Without you, I don’t know where I would have ended up. I don’t want to know. I just know--I just know I’m where I am meant to be. Kagome, you were born for me and I was born for you. Not Kikyo. No one else but you. I’m sorry I ever made you ever feel second to her. It was never--it wasn’t like that.
“She and I never trusted each other. The moment Menomaru possessed you--I knew it wasn’t you. But with Kikyo… I didn’t even think about how her scent didn’t match. I didn’t question why she had betrayed me. But you and I--I just knew. Same with Tsubaki. There was no doubt in my heart. Yea, I was fucking confused and hurt--but more at the fact they would use you like that.
“When she was brought back--I was confused. But I never had any intention of leaving your side. Well, until you saw us together and the look in your eyes… it broke me. I knew I couldn’t put you through that. It wasn’t fair to you to know that I wanted to protect Kikyo. That I still cared about her even though I… I really cared about you. 
“But you still put me first. I honestly can’t say I would have done the same because I’m a selfish bastard. I finally did and of course, it looks like it not only fucked me, but also broke you,” he added as he proceeded to wipe the tears from her cheeks. 
“I didn’t belong in that era anymore. Not when my heart was here--with you,” she admitted as she brushed her hand over his heart. He clasped it tightly and exhaled.
“You’ve always had mine--even before I knew it. And it will always be yours.”
She didn’t even try to stop herself from raising up and kissing him fiercely. He returned the pressure just as fervently and held her close. Their kisses remained chaste, but with clear intent of promises of love and commitment. When they finally parted they were breathless and smiling. He kissed the top of her forehead and tucked it back under his chin.
“So… you gonna tell me what you’ve been up to this whole time, stupid?” He asked cheekily.
“Shut up,” she laughed, feeling like a thousand kilos had been lifted from her.
“Keh, sounds about right. Nothing,” he smirked.
Rolling her eyes she lightly swatted him and he chuckled deeply. They continued their conversation of what they had been up to for the past three years, how they both coped with their loneliness, things they did to pass the time--then proceeded to plan their future. A hut they would build. Marriage. Mating. Everything.
“I--I want to court you. Like I should--and don’t fucking argue with me. It’s something I want. You don’t have to want it but it’s gonna happen. And then--then we can go to the headmen and marry us or whatever.”
“Tell me about Sango and Miroku’s wedding.”
“Not much to tell really. They did it with the celebration of Naraku being vanquished. Didn’t want the spotlight. They were just ready to be married and done.”
“I--do you think we can have something small?”
“Keh--not as the village priestess or protector.”
“It won’t be too much for you?”
“Fuck no. I just want to be married to you. If I had to kill my asshole brother to wed you, I’d do it.” His words caused her to giggle in response. 
“So…” She blushed, feeling slightly nervous at the idea of them maybe exploring more intimate things. Not that she wasn’t ready. But she wasn’t sure--
“What part of ‘I want to court you’ slipped out of your ding-bat head? Even if you wanted to--which I can tell you don’t at the moment-- I’d say no.”
“But--”
“Not yet. But we’ll get there because I’m going to prove to you I’m worthy of you.” Gods. His fiery burning golden eyes literally sent waves of heat through her.
“O-Ok,” she agreed without a fight. It was probably wise they dated before they actually mated. It was a ‘forever’ kind of thing. Not a ‘oh yea, let’s have sex and then go our seperate ways’ proposition. Not that she had any doubts about being with him forever. She left her childhood home, her family, her school friends she had grown up with to be here. With him. If he wanted to ‘prove’ to her he was what she was looking for, she’d let him until he was confident they were ready.
They ended their evening with another passion filled kiss under their favorite tree and walked back to Kaede’s hand in hand. They’d tell the others in the morning. Until then, they relish in their time they had together again.
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dakotacrisis · 3 years
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Ursula
Okay so with that whole Cruella movie thing going on there is a post floating around about why they haven’t done something like this for Ursula who is mysterious and cool and has this interesting untold backstory. That just reminded me of the fact that back when Maleficent first came out 7 years ago I was thinking about that same premise but with Ursula and wrote what is basically a plot synopsis for an Ursula backstory I created and never did anything with.
I also didn’t want to hijack the original post I had saw addressing this so I am posting it here.
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Ursula is from a race of merpeople with tentacles instead of fish tails that abandoned their home in the deeper part of the sea when food became scarce. During the move baby Ursula got separated from her family and found by a passing octopus who sees her and takes her to Atlantica. The then childless King Poseidon and Queen Amphitrite take Ursula in as their own. A couple years later Triton is born.
At first Ursula is a normal child. She is raised in a loving but strict home and groomed to assume the throne of Atlantica as she is the oldest child. Triton will get the other half of the sea to rule and start his own kingdom when the time comes. The King and Queen are actually really happy about having multiple children since it’ll divide the workload of ruling to a more manageable degree.
King Poseidon is strict and stern with a stubborn streak and a short temper. Despite this he is also a very brave, wise, caring, and protective father figure. While he may act distant and aloof he deeply cares about his children and is not afraid to be downright silly to make them smile. He takes a vested interest in teaching Ursula magic as she had an affinity for it as a child. Triton on another hand is taught more combat by Poseidon.
Queen Amphitrite is confident and charismatic with an effortless grace and elegance. She is highly intelligent and a gifted diplomat able to persuade others easily. She has a habit of being vain about her looks but only when out in public. In the comfort of her home with her family she is much more laid back and almost childlike and bubbly. She loves her children and takes a leading role in their studies and teaching them how to be leaders.
As children Triton and Ursula get along fine. They tease and fight like normal siblings do, but you can tell that there is a lot of love between them as well. As teenagers they are still close but puberty, maturity, and peer pressure cause them to make poor decisions.
Life goes on and while Ursula does face prejudice from some of the kingdom for her species she is assured by her family that they love her and she doesn’t need to change to please others. While it does help she still carries a certain resentment for those who do hate her just because of how she looks.
Growing into a teenager is where it really comes to a head. Ursula is a proud, intelligent, kind of arrogant and flamboyant young lady. She often has to fight back against the harsh comments and passive aggressive treatment of her peers which gives her a thick skin and pessimistic attitude.
Triton as a teenager has grown up to be very much like his father. He is stubborn and short tempered with a tendency to be dismissive and highly opinionated. He still cares about his family, especially his older sister, Ursula, but with pressure from his friends starts to act colder and more distant with her. When he stands up for her when she gets bullied he is ostracized by his friends. Eventually he stops helping altogether although he knows it is wrong and feels guilty about leaving her to fight her battles alone. As the bullying gets worse and her best friend, Triton, becoming more and more distant with her Ursula gets angrier and more selfish so to keep herself safe.
One day things are going a little too well. People are nicer and happy to see her. Confused at this sudden turn around but encouraged by her brother she opens up to them and starts to enjoy herself believing that maybe things are turning around.
This goes on for a couple days and Ursula lets her guard down and enjoys herself with her new friends. It is her birthday and the kingdom gathers together to celebrate. Ursula invites her new friends as her personal guests to the festivities. Unbeknownst to her though was that this was a long term con to get to this exact moment.
A thing about Ursula’s species is that they are predatory hunters. They hunt down live fish and other aquatic life for nourishment and like sharks get attracted by blood. This was a problem growing up for Ursula as it was a natural part of her biology that she had to learn to control but does go out and hunt away from the kingdom as needed.
Her peers use this information to their advantage and gift her a bunch of chum. Angered that her friendship with these people was all a ruse to embarrass her Ursula goes into a rage. She uses her magic to animate the chum and have it chase and stick to the party goers. Her parents try to calm her down and manage to get through to her for a moment to stop but at this point the blood from the chum has attracted a group of sharks that break into the party and start chasing everyone.
Poseidon, Triton, and the guards are able to drive the sharks away but the damage has been done. Everyone blames Ursula for the shark attack despite the fact that they only showed up because of her bully’s “gift”. Despite everything Ursula does get a lecture from her mother about learning to control her temper and that she was not taught magic to use it in such a way. Ursula tries to explain her side of things but is shrugged off and told to lay low while they fixed things. Ursula is essentially under house arrest and encouraged to not so much as leave her room as much as she can until things die down.
Triton comes by to check on her and tells her that it was messed up what those people did to her. One act of aggression did not make her a bad person and her species definitely did not. Ursula asks him that if what they did was so wrong then how come he didn’t say anything when she unwrapped their present? How come he’s been pushing her away these past couple of years? Did he think she wouldn’t notice that he abandoned her to defend herself?
Triton gets defensive and tells her that it was not like she made it easy all the time to defend her. Could she try to be a little more sociable and nice to people instead of holing herself up with her spells all day? People would probably like her better if she didn’t act so strange.
Ursula is stunned. He did not just tell her that it was her fault that she has been ostracized by the community because of her species and her keeping herself locked away from others was what was most beneficial to her mental health. He did not!
That’s not what he meant--
It sure sounded like that’s what he meant.
Ursula, please, let them talk about this.
No. She’s done talking. She’s done waiting for everyone to accept her. They are never going to accept her. Not as one of them and certainly never as their queen. If Triton, her brother, her best friend, could not see what was happening, could not support her, then she had nothing left here.
She flees the castle. A massive search is launched to find her but Ursula has retreated to one of the farthest and darkest reaches of the ocean. There she hones her power. Her memories also morph turning her reasonably pleasant childhood into a lonely recollection where neither of her parents loved her. Her teen years are even worse as she takes the rejection and scrutiny and amplifies it tenfold in her mind until she has convinced herself that everyone in the kingdom hated her and didn’t care about her at all. The only thing she has from her old life being the nautilus shell her mother had gifted her on the birthday everything went wrong. It was a symbol of power and her right to be ruler of the ocean.
Sometime during her isolation she befriended two moray eels, Flotsam and Jetsam, that she enlists to spy on Atlantica for her. There she sees preparations being made for Triton’s coronation. She crashes the coronation and while at first everyone is scared and guards are called Triton recognizes the necklace and his long lost sister and swims to embrace her and welcome her home.
Ursula is not taken in by his sincere relief and gratitude that she is back and tells him that the throne was hers alone. Triton of course is confused because he does not understand why she is so angry with him. He did not choose to be king alone, everyone thought she had runaway never to be seen again years ago. They were supposed to rule together as brother and sister until she left.
Ursula goes on a rant about how he couldn’t have truly believed that. They had never been friends. They were never even family as far as she was concerned. She alone was supposed to rule the seas and she was here to reclaim her birthright and she was ready to take out Triton to do it.
Triton is now angry that his sister does not believe him and hurt that she hates him now. He tells her she does not deserve the throne after abandoning it and the two get into a large fight. Triton’s brute strength versus Ursula’s magic. It is pretty close with Ursula almost getting the upper hand before Triton manages to knock her back and she is subdued. Unable to do the deed of sentencing what was once his beloved sister to death he instead banishes her back to where she came from. Ursula vows to have her revenge and take back her crown.
Back in Atlantica Triton stares at the one remaining portrait of Ursula that remained hanging in the palace. A family picture of Poseidon, Amphitrite, Ursula, and Triton. Triton has it taken down and hidden away. It would be better for future generations that Ursula be seen as an evil sea witch that must be avoided than the rightful queen of the ocean she had been raised to be. He has his own growing family to worry about after all and it is better if they don’t know who she really is.
Epilogue brings news to Ursula via Flotsam and Jetsam that Triton’s youngest daughter has been seen skulking around sunken ships. Interesting. Be sure to keep an eye on this one.
END
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gosh I wish I had 17 year old me’s motivation to write this and fully flush it out.
19 notes · View notes
umbry-fic · 3 years
Text
A Palette Full of You (4)
Summary: Glimpses into Colette and Lloyd’s lives as they grow up together, learn who they are, and fall in love with each other.
(Written for Colloyd Week 2021)
Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters: Colette Brunel, Lloyd Irving Relationships: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving Rating: G Chapter: 4 of 6 Word Count: 5897 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 12/06/2021
Chapter Title: Stardust
Chapter Summary: The astronomy club holds a stargazing event on the school rooftop. As chairperson, there's no chance Lloyd isn't going to invite Colette. But as the night progresses, actually spotting the hard-to-find stars become the least of Colette's concerns.
(Colloyd Week Day 4: Stargazing)
Notes+Warnings: Chapter 4 of my multi chapter Colloyd week fic! Warning for some major internalised acephobia.
Chapter list Full fic Previous chapter Next chapter
~~~
16-years-old
Stepping out of the science lab into the corridor, Colette came to a halt, her schoolbag weighing on her shoulders, soaking in the warm air as other students filed past her. One of the most unfortunate things about attending practical make-up was that she wasn't guaranteed her usual seat by the lab window. Sitting right under the air-con was enough to send her into hibernation, and the test was hard enough as it was. She'd barely managed to finish on time.
Rummaging through the pocket of her navy blue pinafore, her fingers brushed past a packet of tissue and her wallet before successfully pulling her phone out. She needed a reminder of where the stargazing event was taking place, and who better to ask than Lloyd? She hoped he was reading his messages.
"7.23 pm, May 18th" blinked at her from her phone screen.
Wait, 7 missed calls? From Lloyd? What for?
Gah, she’d forgotten to tell him.
She dialled his number, placing the phone against her ear and waiting for his anxious voice to ring out. Which it did, just seconds later as he picked up.
“Colette? Where are you? I tried calling you so many times, and Sheena and Zelos wouldn’t pick up because they’re both at tuition!”
“I forgot to tell you the makeup got pushed by an hour. Sorry for making you worry, Lloyd. But I’m done now. Where’s the event at?”
"We’re on the school rooftop! Where we celebrated Sheena's birthday last month, remember?" Lloyd replied, his voice tinny in quality from the phone call. She could hear, in the background, the overlapping sounds of many voices.
“School rooftop, school rooftop, school rooftop…” she mumbled, beginning to scurry through her secondary school's corridors, head darting every which way to determine where she was and try to find clues as to where she was going. She didn’t often wander into this part of the school campus - block D, the science block - since she only took two sciences. Usually, she’d take the main staircase straight down to the canteen, but it would take forever to get back to the roof from there. She didn’t want to be too late.
“You’re coming from science lab 3, right? If I remember correctly, it’s one right, walk past the storage room to block C, and then take the first left down the bridge to block B. You should see the staircase to the roof. Do you need me to come and get you?”
“No, no, it’s fine! Just stay on the phone?”
“Alri - OI, MATTHEW, STOP MESSING WITH THE TELESCOPE! YOU DO NOT GET SPECIAL TREATMENT JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE MY DESKMATE! GET YOUR HANDS OFF AND LET ELLA HANDLE IT!” The yell was muffled, probably because Lloyd had taken the phone away from his mouth to avoid deafening her, though his raised voice was still enough to make her wince, tearing the phone away from her ear.
“Sorry about that,” Lloyd said, his voice lowered back to normal volume again. “Got to prevent property damage. You know how it is.”
“Right…” She laughed nervously, wondering how many people were up on the rooftop and what exactly they were up to. She was hoping to spend a peaceful evening stargazing with Lloyd and listening to him talk about constellations, the shining passion in his eyes rivalling even the stars above, not… getting distracted by people fooling around.
“How’s it going? Are you getting closer?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m heading in the right direction,” she assured Lloyd, taking the left he’d directed her to and running down the bridge connecting two blocks, her ponytail flaring behind her and her pinafore swirling around her legs. There was almost no one left in the school now. The hallways she’d run through had been abandoned, for the most part, the stragglers she passed by all heading in the direction of the main gate. The sky, visible from the bridge, was in the last throes of twilight, slowly bleeding into night as black seeped across the sky.
Colette skidded to a halt at the end of the bridge, gaze landing on a familiar door. She could recall this stairwell now, having taken it two months ago. She, Zelos and Lloyd had somehow managed to lead a blindfolded Sheena up it, whereafter they had surprised their friend with a birthday cake they had baked together. That birthday cake had been salvaged solely by Zelos, who was a surprisingly good baker. Or maybe they were just average, and weren't knocking over the baking tray every ten minutes like her.
“I’ve found the right staircase!” Colette said, hanging up and stuffing her phone back into her pocket and starting to take the stairs two at a time. She usually never did that (and was often teased by Sheena over it), choosing to climb each step carefully, for the risk of tripping was too high. But she was in a hurry, and so had no other choice. Her shoe-laces were coming undone, and her school bag seemed to be getting heavier with each step.
Everyone else who was attending the event was likely already on the rooftop - Colette could hear voices and the sounds of footsteps against concrete through the open door at the top of the stairwell. Grabbing the cold metal handle, she threw the door open, finally emerging onto the rooftop.
There were about thirty or so people milling around, everyone still dressed in their school uniforms, chatting with friends, holding cups of fruit punch or lounging on the mats that had come from the gymnasium. Not enough people to count as a crowd, but certainly respectable. Just a small event, one where she could relax and enjoy some peace and quiet.
Now she just had to find Lloyd...
"Colette!"
Speak of the devil! Or the angel, perhaps... Colette tracked the source of the voice and spotted Lloyd, making his way over from a group of students who were busy fiddling with a telescope, his hand gripping a red plastic cup. One side of his collar was flipped up, and the small shooting star pin that marked him as the chairperson of the astrology club was pinned to the other. Only one of the sleeves of his white blouse were folded like they were meant to be, the other way too long and leaving barely any skin visible above his elbow. His white long pants had been rolled up as much as possible - which wasn't much, honestly, the most it could reach was mid-thigh. It was one of those stuffy nights with no wind that was stifling and hard to fall asleep in.
"You made it!" Lloyd's grin grew wider as he grabbed her hand, only for him to flinch away instantly, vivid red liquid nearly sloshing over the rim of his cup. “Gah, your hand is really cold.”
"Sorry! You know how cold the lab is. Anyway, I only made it here thanks to your assistance." Colette laughed, feeling her weariness peel off her instantly. Lloyd always had that effect on her - his energy was infectious, like it was being injected straight into her veins whenever she was in close proximity to him. Especially now, with clear excitement alive on his face.
It was strange, though. He was the only one with that effect on her. Meeting her other friends never failed to make her happy, but Lloyd was the only one that could make her feel ten times more alive in an instant the moment she saw his smile. It had only started in the past year, this unknown, electrifying sensation that arose in her heart whenever she was with Lloyd. The desire to see him again after school ended got stronger with each day, but she couldn’t understand any of it…
“You’re staying for the afterparty, right?” Lloyd asked, taking a sip of the fruit punch. He said afterparty, but she knew it wouldn’t be much of a party. Just all the members of the astrology club hanging out in the tiny room the school had assigned to them, playing card games and chatting. Everyone in the club knew her by name, for she was the friend of their chairperson who somehow managed to turn up at every meeting. She was practically an honorary member at this point.
A homey gathering without any alcohol in sight. She much preferred it that way. The last time alcohol had come into play when she was staying overnight at a chalet with the rest of her class, sometime late last year. She'd avoided the cans of beer stacked on the floor, the smell not appealing to her. But alcohol sure made the rest of her classmates go wild. Running away from slightly drunk classmates trying to get her to play truth and dare was not fun. Normal truth and dare was already horrible, with questions like "who are you crushing on" and "who would you like to kiss". She didn't understand why it was a game that people insisted be played at every class gathering or orientation. No one ever believed her when she answered honestly with "no one", and she was fairly used to the reactions by now, the common ones being that she had to be lying, for everyone had someone in mind, or that she should stop acting so high-and-mighty, or just snickers of her being a prude.
Just because she was used to the biting words didn't mean they had stopped hurting, reminder stacked atop reminder of how she was isolated from everyone else around her. And as much as she hated answering "truth" whenever that accursed bottle landed on her, answering "dare" was even worse. There were the innocent ones like doing the chicken dance, and then there was having to kiss someone. She always did her best to leave as soon as the bottle made an appearance, but she could never say "no" when someone asked her directly to join, for she never knew how to turn people down. Neither did she want to give her classmates more reasons to treat her as a laughingstock for being too much of a coward to play. So now, whenever she was forced to play the game, she would give the least offensive answers possible - mostly girls, for she at least found them pretty, though she didn't think that was what attractive meant.
But the drunk version of truth and dare? That was hell on Earth. The questions got even more invasive. She could never understand how someone could ask "who would you sleep with here" with a straight face. And alcohol loosened the lips of her classmates, enough that she had heard snippets of some of the more adventurous ones describing their sexual escapades in sickening detail. She really didn't need the reminder that sexual activities weren't just a thing of fiction, but something that actually happened amongst real people and that people seemed to really want to do. She'd spent half of that chalet stay playing Uno with Zelos in a corner, because Zelos was way better at promptly rejecting offers to play truth and dare.
Only her friends had ever come to her defence, but it was not like they could help that much when they weren't in the same class, apart from Zelos. Still, they afforded much-needed safety, and they never pointed out how she was weird or strange or different, even if they must have noticed by now. But...
She was 16. Wasn't she supposed to get it by now?
“Yep, I'm staying. We can go home together,” Colette suggested, tearing her thoughts back to the present. "Dad already knows I'll be coming home late, and Aunt Anna can just pick us both up."
Colette reached out to fold Lloyd's right sleeve, straightening the wrinkles out, before reaching to flip his collar down. His uniform was always in such a state of disarray, and it was always up to her to get him looking neat before the teachers did their inspections during morning assembly.
"Yep, I'll let Mom know," Lloyd replied, squeezing her hand. "Let's actually get to stargazing, shall we? Come on, I reserved the mat with the best telescope. The..."
Colette let Lloyd ramble on about the specifications of the telescope as he guided her towards their destination. It was always endearing to hear him talk about the topics he loved, whether it be the ocean or the stars. His words would get faster as he went on, until he was barely intelligible as all the syllables clumped together, without him even noticing. She didn’t want to interrupt him, though, much preferring to just watch him as a smile inevitably grew on her face.
"Right! Get comfortable!" Lloyd said, having completed his spiel and coming to an abrupt stop. Colette stumbled a few steps forward, so engrossed in listening to Lloyd that she'd nearly tripped. He gestured towards the deep blue mat stuffed with foam, placing his cup next to it before crouching to adjust the sleek black telescope, nimble fingers flying from knobs to levers. His face was scrunched up in concentration, focussed entirely on his task.
Colette dumped her school bag down and kicked off her school shoes, leaving her feet clad in white socks, and scrambled onto the mat, lying down on it. Lloyd joined her soon after, having finished whatever preparations he was doing, sidling closer on the mat so that his shoulder pressed against hers as they both stared up into the night sky, now completely dark. In the distance, Colette could see the lighted-up M sign on the business complex.
“We can look at the stars first before we use the telescope to find the planets. What do you see, right now?”
"Um, well… I can only see one star in the sky," Colette muttered, pointing out the lone, twinkling presence. It was common knowledge that there was too much light pollution to actually see any of the vast galaxies and planets that were scattered throughout the universe. The most Colette had ever seen at once when looking out at the sky from the balcony of her apartment was three stars, dimly shining and far away from each other. They were hundreds of light-years away, unreachable and yet still shining their light for all to see.
"No, there's more. It's a really clear sky tonight, and we can see so much!" Lloyd replied eagerly. The starry-eyed enthusiasm had returned to his eyes, seeming to burrow straight into her heart. Pointing up into a particular patch of sky, he said, "There! Do you see the top of the Big Dipper?"
"Ah..." She tried to follow the line of his arm but didn't spot any hidden stars, shaking her head. "No...? The Big Dipper is the one that looks like a frying pan, right?" It was one of the many constellations that Lloyd had taught her while on his impassioned rambles about astrology. Ever since he'd picked up that one book on constellations from the library in primary school, he'd been obsessed with stars. She could still fondly remember the first time he had talked about it. She'd plopped down in front of him at the canteen table after school, asking what he was reading. He'd shut the book and told her about white dwarfs, planetary systems and the Milky Way for a full five minutes while she listened in awed silence. She'd rarely seen him this excited over anything. Lloyd had been about to continue before shutting his mouth abruptly, flushing as he realised how long he had gone on for and apologising for running her ear off. She'd told him that she didn't mind listening to him - there was something soothing about it, really, listening to his voice and watching his excited mannerisms.
"You remember?" Lloyd craned his neck so that he was facing her. There was something in the depths of those eyes that stared back at her. Something which, for the past two years, she would spot occasionally. And yet she still couldn’t put a name to it.
Somehow, how truly close they were hadn’t registered in her mind until this very moment. If she inched forward just a little, their noses would bump.
But they’d been this close so many times before. Why was this time so different?
Or, more accurately, what had changed in the past year? Why couldn’t she be this close without something in her clicking, filling her with a warmth that was both familiar but foreign? Why were her palms starting to sweat, her heart starting to race? It felt like she was about to give a presentation to a room full of strangers.
But that wasn't the case. She was just next to Lloyd, her oldest friend and the person she trusted most in the world.
Perhaps recently she had been noticing more tiny things she hadn't before, staring at him for just a little longer than she used to - how his hair fell into his eyes on days where he didn’t bother to comb or style his hair, how there was a dimple only on the right side of his mouth, how his hair could vary in shade under different lighting, from a golden brown to dark chocolate. It even appeared red sometimes.
She felt like she was at the cusp of a discovery.
"Of - of course I remember." Colette stumbled over the words, averting her gaze up towards the night sky. "You've been working on the notes for this club for so long, and I helped you with them! So of course I'd remember."
"That's true. We did spend a lot of late nights on those." Lloyd chuckled. "Remember all the pillow fights?"
"Yeah, I do. You always let me win, you cheater," she grumbled, glad for the light-hearted change in topic to distract from her confusing feelings. "But I'm happy everything worked out and you managed to get the club set up! You've worked really hard on all this. You deserve the success."
"I couldn't have done it without you, really," Lloyd retorted, taking gentle hold of her wrist. "And I know I've thanked you already, but let me just say it again. Thank you. In return, I'll do my best to show you as much as I can!" Lloyd pointed her arm towards a point in the sky. "There. Look closely. Do you see it now?"
She focussed on that spot, squinting in hopes that the secrets of the night sky would be revealed to her. "Oh!" Colette exclaimed. She could see it now, just barely - a faint source of light. There was a lonely little star, shining as brightly as it could, just enough to be noticeable but going unseen by the unobservant eye.
"You got it!" Lloyd cheered, beginning to slowly guide her hand to trace out a shape - that familiar pan shape he’d drawn for her so many times. His fingers, wrapped around her wrist, were so warm... "Now do you see the Big Dipper?"
"You're right," she said in amazement. The pattern had been there all along. How many more were waiting to be found, causing the sky to come to life before her very eyes?
"There are so many beautiful constellations to find in the sky." Lloyd grinned. Dimly lit by the gentle light of the night sky, far from the harsh fluorescent lights of the classroom and the often blinding rays of the sun, his features seemed softer than ever, and she had the urge to just... reach out and touch his face. Splay her fingers on his cheek, rest her forehead against his, let the strands of his hair fall through her fingers…
"Yeah..." She glanced back up at the night sky. She could spot the Little Dipper now, glimmering. Already, she was discovering new things.
When she glanced back, Lloyd was staring at her with a wistful expression, the arm not holding hers held stiffly against his side, like he was aching to reach out but was holding himself back.
The moment was gone, as quickly as it had come, and Lloyd's face once again sported a happy smile, like nothing of significance had happened. Perhaps she had imagined the whole thing. But in just a few seconds, the entire centre of her world had shifted, throwing her irreversibly off balance.
Her chest felt constricted, like she couldn't breathe properly, that strange sensation back in her heart again.
But it would be a lie to say she hadn’t figured out what it was. She had fallen into the unfamiliar pit of love, just as she had always wanted. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say she had fallen a long time ago, but had only just realised she wasn’t standing on solid ground any longer.
She had found The One. Finally.
So why... Why had nothing changed at all?
It was no longer possible to convince herself that she could be just like everyone else. Not when she was acutely aware of how stupidly immature she was compared to everyone else, always cringing away from the thought of sex. Whether it be skipping raunchy scenes in books or shows, avoiding popular pop songs with explicit lyrics, or promptly deciding to stop listening whenever her classmates decided it was a good time to talk about it. She couldn't rid herself of nausea that would roil in her stomach. But... that was wrong, wasn't it?
If she loved someone, she was supposed to desire them. That's what happened in all the stories - people fell in love, and then they happily had sex with each other. It was everywhere. In every book, in every show. Even the terrible sex-ed lessons had parroted that a happy relationship was one with healthy amounts of sex. Everyone was going to have sex at some point once they got into a relationship, to want to have it and to eagerly give it. But she didn't. She had never felt the same way. And that was her truth, the one that went unregarded by others.
Or maybe her truth was that she was just broken. That something had shattered inside of her a long time ago, and now she couldn't be put back together, couldn't feel what she was supposed to, what others did. And she didn't know what to do about it.
No matter how much she hated the idea of sex, someday she’d have to force herself to go through with it. After all, it was a requisite for a relationship. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be worthy of love, and she didn’t love her partner enough. She owed it to whoever her partner was, even if one day it ended up being Lloyd. This was her fault, after all. No one else was broken in the same way as her.
It would just be like… forcing herself to eat her vegetables when she was younger, wincing over the yucky taste until she got used to it. Nothing more. Easy.
Maybe then she’d finally get it.
Maybe then everything would magically fix itself.
Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes which she willed to disappear. She felt like the stars above. Shining alone, so far away from any other companion, looking down upon a world that was too far away to understand. All alone. Always all alone.
"Too bad we can't see more here in the city. One day, I promise, we'll see the real starry sky together! The galaxies, the planets, the suns... All of it. It'll be amazing," Lloyd continued, oblivious to her inner turmoil. Because even he could not read her mind.
Colette folded her hands over her stomach, closing her eyes. The enormity of the emotion beating in her heart absolutely terrified her, as did the thought of the future and what awaited her. Could she ever act on these feelings? Would she ever be deserving of acting on them, inadequate as she was? Did she even really love him?
There was no use in agonising over these thoughts, for no answers would ever be found.
"I'd like that," she whispered, squeezing his hand. She was more than willing to just enjoy his company for now. Her dearest friend.
“I’ll show you the rest of the stars that are visible today! Then we can look into the telescope and see the nebula. I’ve already pointed it in the right direction! You won’t want to miss it, it’s incredible! Over there is…”
So long as she could remain with him, everything would be alright.
~~~
“Bye, Lloyd!” Ella said, waving as she sprinted out of the club room. “Have a safe trip home!”
“You too!” he called out after her, as loud as he could without waking up Colette. Her head was resting on his lap, the hair she had freed from her ponytail forming a golden sea that swallowed his legs. Her arms were still wrapped tightly around the huge penguin plush that acted as the club’s unofficial mascot. He couldn’t for the life of him recall where it’d come from.
How did he always end up being Colette’s pillow? Not that he was complaining…
Lloyd ran a gentle hand through Colette’s hair, making sure not to awaken her. Mom would take another 20 minutes to arrive at the drop-off point, so he might as well let Colette continue to sleep. After all, he still had to clean up and lock up the room. At least Colette had helped him with most of it.
He moved his hand rhythmically, watching her minute facial movements. What dream was she having right now? Was it a happy one? He hoped it was. He wanted nothing more than to see a truly happy smile on her face every day, and that was the root of the feelings that had built up over years.
In the ensuing silence, he couldn’t help but think back.
What had happened while he was showing her the stars? There had been a period of time when she had seemed to withdraw into herself, becoming far quieter than she usually was. Almost contemplative. Even a little sad.
She had been back to normal afterwards, cheerful with her large smiles and bright laughter. He didn’t know how to question her about it, didn’t know how to even start the conversation. He wanted to find out, so he could help, in any way he could.
But… No matter how much he hated it, he could only wait. After all, if whatever was weighing on her was simple, she would have told him already. He could only hope she’d be able to tell him about what was troubling her, someday.
And he would wait. For as long as needed…
~~~
26-years-old
Lloyd set the rental car in reverse, slowly backing it up into the empty lot in the mostly deserted car park, the wheels crunching against gravel. Turning off the engine, he pulled the keys out of the ignition and stuffed them into the pocket of his jeans. Glancing over at the seat next to him revealed that Colette was peacefully asleep, head lolling onto her shoulder. Somehow, the abrupt bump in the road some ten minutes ago hadn't woken her up.
This was their second day in Melbourne to celebrate their honeymoon. Dad and Mom had come here for their honeymoon too, but maybe some things become a tradition for a reason. He and Colette had followed a strict itinerary, taking some advice from his parents when planning where to go. They had visited the fisheries for lunch yesterday, where Colette had sung the praises of the fish fillet, absolutely delighted at its freshness, which could never be experienced at home. Following which, they had driven to Phillip island to catch the nightly penguin parade, Colette cooing over all the little penguins waddling home. It was a cute sight - both the penguins and Colette.
It was the middle of winter, the temperature just shy of needing actual winter gear but cold enough that they were both wearing turtlenecks, not accustomed to the winter winds. A bit of a shame, actually. He would have loved to witness the adorable sight of Colette in a beanie that covered her ears, cheeks flushed from the cold and fingers housed in fluffy gloves. But alas, that sight would only remain in his imagination until they travelled to a country with much colder weather.
The car journey had been silent, Colette alternating between staring at the rare car that passed them on the narrow dirt roads, or doodling on her phone with a stylus, occasionally letting out a tiny giggle. As they had agreed upon, she had stopped looking out of the window for the last leg of their journey, which was close to a whole hour. At some point she had stopped making conversation with him, soft snores replacing the sound of her voice as the quiet night and hours of travelling had finally taken their toll.
He reached out a hand to hover over her shoulder, hesitating. He didn’t want to disrupt her rest, but she wouldn’t be seeing anything if she didn’t wake up, and that would render all his effort to transport the two of them into the remote meaningless. He had no choice.
“Colette.” He called her name softly, gently shaking her shoulder until she let out a tiny sigh. Her eyes fluttered open, still filled with sleepiness.
“We’re here. It’s time to get out of the car,” he said, grabbing hold of the strands of her hair that had fallen into her face during her sleep and tucking them behind her ear.
“Oh. Thanks for waking me up.” Colette yawned, covering her mouth with her hand as she stretched, trying to shake the sleep out of her system. “I need to cover my eyes while I get out, right?” she said, covering her eyes with her palms and giggling, doing exactly as they’d discussed without question. “I can’t look until you say so! Can’t spoil the surprise now, right?”
“Perfect! I’ll help you out of the car. Wait there.”
Lloyd stepped out of the car, shutting the door and running over to her side. He opened the passenger-side door, grabbing hold of her bent arms.
"Carefully now," he muttered, slowly helping Colette out of the car and steadying her when she stumbled slightly onto the gravel. Taking a stronger hold around her arm, he began to guide her across the carpark towards a small hill, walking backwards and taking the occasional peek behind his shoulder to get a gauge for where he was going. With each step they took, the loose bits of gravel under their feet were kicked aside.
The grassy hill was a little harder to go up backwards, but he persevered. The grass was wet with dew, starting to wet the hem of his jeans as they brushed the skin of his ankles. Colette was completely silent, seemingly holding her breath in anticipation of the big reveal.
The trip out here had been exceedingly long, for this place truly was off the beaten path. He could count the number of people here with the fingers on one hand. But he could certainly say the trip had been worth it. Just sneaking a peek upwards was enough to make up for everything. This place really lived up to all the praise it had been given online.
Making sure they had a wonderful view of the sky, Lloyd came to a stop, turning Colette by the shoulders so she was facing the right direction. "You can look now," he whispered into her ear, tapping her shoulder and stepping back.
Colette uncovered her eyes and let out an audible gasp, transfixed by the night sky. They were far from civilization, so distant that there were no artificial lights to interfere with the natural dance of the stars. Laid out above them were millions of stars, clustered together and twinkling in unity. Swirls of pink and purple denoted the galaxies, resembling little bits of cotton candy painted onto the black canvas of the sky, interspersed with tiny dots that represented planets. The entire universe was spread out before their eyes to witness, splendid and magnificent.
He watched as she raised an arm, tracing the skies slowly. It almost seemed like her index finger was trailing stardust. He wouldn't be surprised if she actually was, since she was already pure magic in every other way.
She turned to face him, the starlight reflecting in her wide eyes and off the ring on her left hand, painting her as a more beautiful sight than even the gorgeous skies above him.
"You remembered!" she exclaimed, running over to throw her arms around him, knocking him back slightly as she smiled up at him. Thankfully, they were nowhere near the edge of the incline, or they would have gone tumbling down a long way. This close, he was even more reminded of her untouchable beauty: her shimmering blue eyes were breathtaking. "You kept your promise."
Colette moved her arms so they were wrapped behind his neck. She was practically hanging off of him; his gaze focussed on her smiling face.
"Well, I wanted to see it too." He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to press a kiss on her forehead. "And I always do my best to keep my promises."
I promised that I would never leave you, and I will keep that promise. No matter what.
“They’re all together now. They’re not alone anymore,” Colette said, "Thank you." She rested her head against his shoulder, his hands automatically shifting to her back, holding her close. "I love you."
She said those words so easily now, without the hesitance that had bogged her down at the beginning. He knew not all of her fears and insecurities were gone - maybe they never would be, and all they could do was reassure each other. There were the terrible nights where she would sob next to him and admit she felt like a fraud for being unable to give him sexual intimacy, crying that she wasn't enough and that he deserved so much more. All he could do was hold her in his arms and whisper into her hair that it was alright, that he loved her, that he didn’t care. But as time went on, those nights became less frequent, until they were few and far between. Besides, she did give him pieces of that intimacy, whenever she could - the gift he cherished, for it truly meant the world coming from her.
"I love you too. Picture?" he offered, holding up his phone. He wanted to create a physical memory of this magical moment, one that they could preserve forever.
Besides, if his parents didn’t get a photo, they would probably murder him. Mom, at least. So would Sheena, with Zelos’ snickering as an accompaniment to the crime. He wouldn’t live to see another day once he got back home.
"Of course," she replied. And he hoped the picture would be able to capture her bright smile, that which was most precious to him.
~~~
The picture they took would become a cherished memento, to be displayed on their nightstand forever - Colette pressing a kiss to his cheek, even as she gave him bunny ears, both of their faces lit up with large smiles.
~~~
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