#im sorry for being negative or depressed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

goatpaste · 1 year

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mmm thinking with my stupid brain about how i'd rewrite mountain tim so hard its making me ill

#mountain tim no longer gross JSUT being an older brother to lucy #and generally meant to be a symbol of a golden heart #the lone golden heart of the cold and mean empty wild west #surrounded by the dark and depressing cast of sbr #surrounded by characters like johnny and HP and gyro and diego and ect who SPEW negativity into the world #and Tim meaning to be this pillar of hope and justice despite the cruelty of man and nature #and his final choices being to protect lucy even at the cost of his own life to do whatever he can for her because she is just a child #she should not have to bear the cruel winds of fate if he can be a breaker to the breeze #but in his death he would pass on the torch of his 'golden heart' to her #i have soo many ideas and thoughts bout lucy being 'the heart' of SBR #she is the keeper of the holy corpse heart in my rewrite #as johnny is to the left hand and didi and gyro to the eyes of the corpse #ect ect #but in the sacrificial death of tim bleed onto lucy her place in the world #to shine bright with hope of the good in the world and of the young innocence of a child #I JUST THINK IT SUCKS SO HARD MOUNTAIN TIM MEANT A LOT TO THE NARRATIVE OF SBR JUST TO BE GROSS TO LUCY IN THE END #I CAN FIX HIM IM SORRY #I CAN MAKE HIM WORTH HIS WEIGHT TO THE STROY

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somb3rwolf · 1 year

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I feel like I'm crumbling

I just want out of my head

I'm so tired and worn out

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carcinized · 1 year

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feeling of growing into my body is so nice too. god puberty sucked

#i mean i had other stuff too. and so do probably most of my followers bc Trans Things. i never had dysphoria from being trans tho #it was all from discomfort during puberty + depersonalization #so now that both of those have lessened + ive gotten better at managing them. HOLY SHIT ITS NICE #i dont feel ashamed of my body!!! ive achieved complete body neutrality its so fucking awesome #i dont even feel like i need to dress up anymore. nor am i uncomfortable with the idea that someone could find me attractive #bc i understand its not my job to be or not be attractive its just my job to EXIST. other ppl can think whatever they want about me #its SO NICE. i am growing into my life its so lovely.#just a bit of positivity for you guys :] this site (and online spaces in general) can be so negative bc it’s a safe place to ent #so heres a break from that. from someone who struggled heavily w mental illness for multiple years #i don’t want to disclose what or why but it wasnt just quirky depression anxiety etc it was like from real scary shit + near death experienc #<- not to say anxiety & depression don’t suck. what i mean is that it wasn’t quirky ‘omg i have anxiety im so scared of everyone 🥺👉👈’#type shit that every white girl highschooler insists they have. it wasnt just beingn sad cus of high school LMAO #NOT TO DOWNPLAY THAT BUT LIKE. U KNOW THE PPL I MEAN. u dont have anxiety/ocd/depression dude youre just Sad. fairly so but itsnot Disorder #but. from someone who went thru all that. IT GETS BETTER. also if ur like 13-15 ur brain hormones suck and it gets better 100%#like everything feels So Bad but its just uour brain chemicals and i am so sorry uour brain does that. BUT IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE. <3 #it doesnt make your struggles easier but you should know that it DOES get better. <3 love u #ok <3 take care guys #tobin talks

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cannot-copia · 2 years

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just applied for the job i had during college and honestly it feels bad man

everyone I know is actually accomplishing things with their life, buying property, getting promotions, getting their masters etc

fuck, even my cousin who is several years younger than me and has very little to no college (aka doesn’t have student loan debt) just got a management position at a fortune 100 company and is now making more than 60k

And where am I now?

Couldn’t do my job at the big company I was supposed to work at, where I had insurance and got paid enough to actually pay for things

all I do now is feeding horses and basically just putting them in different places 4 hours a day 6 days a week for less than what I made ever since I started working and living off that and what’s left of what I had accumulated in my 401k at my old job (that im gonna have to pay thousands of taxes on for taking it out too early im sure) and therefore fucking myself over for the future- everyone always says start young well I did and I’m too fucking useless to function without wanting to remove my skin apparently so I fucked that up

And yeah it was just an online application so I don’t know how likely it is they’ll even respond and hire me again but I feel like I am going backwards

I did what everybody always insisted I had to do

i went to college

i got a “real” (office) job

i got more than 25k student loan debt I have not been able to make even a dent in

and what do i have to show for it? even worse mental illness? A piece of paper that said i went to college? Crippling fear of answering a phone? an extreme hate for the way I look now?

and now im (at least attempting) to go back to where I was before all that bc that’s the only place i can think of will hire me, to a job I did not enjoy whatsoever, where I am going to have to explain to the high schoolers that would be working closing shift that I will have to do after the morning job like yeah i left here 3 years ago for a competitive job that paid twice as much at one of the (apparently voted) best employers in the city that everyone wants to work for but I threw it all away bc im a useless fucking idiot and now I’m back here working fast food watching all these people who will go to school and get the jobs they want and not fuck it up and actually be successful and move on with their lives

it just,,, it doesn’t feel good

i feel like I’ll never get anywhere so what’s even the point

#and I know you’re probably thinking oh well you have horses you must have plenty of money etc #thing is i work at the place i keep them i do not pay regular price or I would not afford them at all #I’ve only ended up with as many as i have bc at my old #job i made just enough to not be negative every month #and now I can’t get rid of them because I am afraid to talk to people and ended up very attached to one we got with the intention to sell #after a few months #and the other we have had for 10 years now but she would need to be consigned somewhere to get what she’s worth #which requires /talking to people/#so while I previously could just about afford them I can’t now unless something majorly changes #once i run out of what’s left of my 401k i will not have the money to pay for them #yes i know buying ghost tickets with that was an idiotic thing to do but it temporarily made me happy #which is also another reason i want to try to avoid getting rid of the horses if at all possible #sounds stupid but at this point without them there would really be no point in being here #they’re the only reason I talk to anybody at all these days and they are capable of making me happy #im sorry i feel like i have been complaining on here a lot more frequently lately and i don’t think anybody wants to see shit like this on #their dash but i don’t really have anywhere else to say things #anybody irl always just says ‘well other people did x/it was your decision to y/etc #the shitty insurance I have now does not cover anxiety/depression things I have not been taking any and I have a feeling it is not helping #delete later

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the-kipsabian · 10 months

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can i just sleep the next two and a half weeks i dont want to feel things before its london weekend and i can just focus on the positives

#anxiety is so high rn and i dont know why #but its (alongside with the current depressive episodes) affecting me physically and mentally so badly right now #i have everything taken care off i shouldnt need to do more than figure out my cat sitter stuff and check in for my flights #i could just sleep. the world doesnt need me before i can maybe see kip again. please #..also dont even get me on that depressive tangent of potentially not being able to see him cause i cant do that right now #im just so negative and im very aware of it and its eating me up im sorry #just. my brain. it hurts. im so fucking mentally exhausted i cant think #night is an absolute mess on main

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sincerelybyseher · 1 year

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I’m yearning for something more,

- I just don’t know what it quite is yet.

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weirdlizard26 · 1 year

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well now i just made myself sad :( what if nobody love me and i love nobody. what then.

#wl26 #i think i have an illness <3 #never calling myself depressed on tumblr dot com ever again since getting that anon telling me im not depressed. years ago #i mean they were probably right gdkfjgd but its probably not very normal for ONE anon message to effect me so deeply #wl negative #CORRECTION: I WENT BACK AND FOUND THE POST OH MY GOD THATS NOT WHAT THEY TOLD ME AT ALL!!!!!!!#MY DUMBASS MEMORY MADE IT ALL ABOUT ME. FUCK!!!#the anon was saying they appreciate undiagnosed ppl not calling themselves depressed #which now that i think about it. i absolutely see where theyre coming from but i feel like #this sort of thinking could be damaging to ppl who just dont have the means to get a diagnosis #LIKE. yeah dont call yourself depressed when youre just sad. but like if you see the signs and research the symptoms and take the quizzes #idk i mean again i totally get it. it hurts to see your real struggle being trivialized. but self dx is a Thing that you can do.#just be responsible with it u know #sorry for rambling i did go back to check out the self check quizzes they recommended and scored super high just now BGDKJNFGD #uh oh!

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softestofangel · 1 year

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I'm not really sure what to do with myself, I'm feeling quite down.

#im such a failure #i literally suck at everything #hate being me #sorry for being negative #tw: depressive thoughts #op #personal

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disco-cola · 1 year

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dude my era depression is so bad again at the moment the only thing that would help me is literally someone finally inventing a time machine and then offer like a 30 day free trial in which i could choose to just stay or come back to today completely disillusioned which would at least end my era struggles but otherwise at this point idk what to do it doesnt help to just dress that way and decorate my house that way and listen to the music when it is srsly impossible to ever have my dream life i would have wanted to be in a band or a tour manager or a music journalist or a radio host or vj for mtv when they were still cool and if all that failed i could have at least tried to get a hot boyfriend in a rock band whose music i love and go on tour with them and just hang around the scene somehow and i know i technically could do all of that today but honestly i think doing that would make my era struggles even worse bc i would just compare it to what it was like in the 70s 80s or 90s and what ive read in countless books and articles and even fucking personal comments under youtube videos of people who lived through it (i kinda feel the only people writing about how bad those times were are the ones that are even younger than me who werent there either like as if today is that much better with politics and laws that only go backwards but most peoples accounts of their youth in that time end with i would go back and i miss it) and just still not be happy also i just cant imagine being in or around the music business now with fuckin social media and the internet (i know the internets been around at least in the 90s and was already more accessible then but obvs still not like today) like this and just not being able to forget "these arent actually my favorite bands and im just compensating" would still make me unhappy and i know it might have been very hard as a woman in the 70s and probably 80s too (even tho many women entered the work force back then and started working in fields that used to be dominated by men) and i could not have done what chris o'dell did (she was a personal assistant at the beatles apple in london in the late 60s and then became a tour manager in the states in the 70s for the stones, santana, bob dylan, elo, queen and more...) or not have been someone like debbie harry or stevie nicks or joan jett but i could´ve tried and otherwise could have at least found an escape of a boring hard working class life by going to shows of the bands i love (when they were in their prime, not them being old and some of the og lineup already gone and ticket prices worth a months rent). being around people who are into the same stuff as me because its just whats popular. i cant do that now. i wish i had at least been around and in my 20s for the late 80s and early 90s grunge and metal and hardcore scene bc that at least would have been something new and exciting and even as a woman you could find work and establish a position in the music business (like vanessa warwick, julia valet, both julie browns and karyn bryant did at mtv). i also dont know what anybody could tell me to make it better. the only thing that helps me at this point is people saying they feel the same bc it makes you feel less alone and isolated :/

#rant #im literally sorry for being so negative #but atm it randomly got so bad again and ive had such phases again and again in the past 10 years but every one felt like the end #like i just wanna give up #i have barely eaten in 2 days bc im literally too depressed rip #i remember like 5 or 6 years ago i tried telling a therapist about it and she just didnt say anything to this even tho its my main problem #like most people just do not / CAN not understand it

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siminiecricketart · 2 years

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I have a wedding to go to in two weeks and I’m actually dreading it so much.

I’ve been hating myself so much recently, and the idea of being around people is freaking me out way too much. I actually have wanted to cry for the past few weeks over it.

I just don’t want anyone to see me.

#low self esteem is not fun!!!!!!!#I feel so deeply ashamed that I have gained so much weight #I’m sorry I keep talking so negatively about body image #it’s just esteem issues I’ve had for years and I can’t shake it for #off **#im just very upset #and I’m so tired and depressed all the time since having covid #like what happened to the me who went to the gym three times a week #I just miss being skinny sm :)))#the world is not catered for bigger girls #and it’s effecting me so badly #I just wanna cry #Simone rambles

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bloodredeyes666 · 2 months

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So hey! i'm dedgrl if you want to give me a name.

I'm a toxic bitch who's internal is a bother for other people.

I don't want to go to the hospital, so I'm just here writing.

I just cvt myslf for the first time in 6 years.

I thought that phase of my BPD was over, that I could handle myself...

Turns out I can't handle losing him. 83 days since I made terrible fucking choice that made me lose him.

I really thought I was doing him and I a favor... it just hurts more and more everyday. 83 fucking days, each harder than the one before, and now I'm back to fucking cvtting myself.

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm unemployed and can't go to university due to my social phobia, I'm terrified of getting out of my house... but at least I had someone who was there for me through it all...

and i couldn't be there for him when he needed me.

now it's over. he's got a new girlfriend and has already moved in with her.

He keeps saying he wants to keep me in his life whatever happens but make no effort to make that happen.

I'm tired of hurting... my gaze's been empty for weeks, my heart brokent for months, and as I'm losing my mind a little more everyday, I'm also losing my will to live.

My usual things don't work right now. Everything is wrong around me. and I can't do shit about it.

I wish I'd never wake up when I fall asleep tonight, but i guess the cuts can make me bare the pain a little longer.

Anyway. Welcome to my tumblr 🥀🔪

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somb3rwolf · 1 year

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Why the fuck am I even still here...

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gommyworm · 1 year

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:^l

#winter is the worst thing to exist ever #i feel like apologizing for being negative but also like this is my blog .... so whatever #anyways these past weeks have been a living hell i havent been so close to swerving into oncoming traffic in a while #regulsr depressions being acting up like a bich bc i havent seen anyone other than my family in weeks #i wake uo at 6 whatever am. go to work. go home. make dinner for my family. sit and read webcomics for a bit. go to sleep.#havent even been sleeping well lmao one of the onky pleasures in my life is being unconcious so this sucks #i had skating classes once a week but that last last thursday so like i dont even get that anymore #and i dont have any monry to sign myself uo for anything else bc i gotta give my mom 1k and i need to pay my credit card n student loans #anyways regular depression + seasonal depression + pmsing like fucking crazy + got in a fight w my mom again #bc shes telling me to get married lmfao but like i dont even leave the house ? im too busy taking care of her kids ?#and i dont even have money to do fun things bc im too stressed about giving her money for my shit head brother ? also i have no friends ?#friend 1 lives in a city 8 hrs away fridnd 2 scheduke doesnt line up w mine often and hes got exams n shjt also hes dealing w his own stuff #friend 3 is my ex who my mom would literally kill me if she knew i was seeing lol so like my options are very limited !#anyways either im gonna have to leave the country or kill myself soon bc i cant live like this for too much longer #i keep telling myelf like oh when the kids are a bit older i can finally leave but like goddd i cant do this for another 3 years #i have literally nothing to live for i hope i die soon #gommywords #sorry if u are one of my 3 aformentioned friends n u read this shit lol i dont have the courage or strength to talk to ppl about things

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hopefullyababe · 2 years

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yall ever feel like you got the wrong brand of weird for your circles. like that your friends are weird but theyre weird in a different way?

#daphnes talking again #like im probably making it up because of the. you know. *knocks on my head* brain gnomes.#but i feel like ive been excited and overenthusiastic about all the wrong things lately.#feels like im being annoying. i dont like feeling annoying.#feels like im overstepping at every turn. i probably am! honestly unsaid boundries can be really confusing sometimes!!!#like. whats ok and not okay to say with a friend is always sometimes i gotta focus about #and sometiems i forget to play the game and i fuck up.#its gotta be like. a minor issue at worst but it freaks me out. i dont like breaking the rules :(#anyway #negative vibes #sorry for going from feeling myself to being super fucking depressed. it just kinda. happened. sorry :(

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foreverxdaydreaming · 2 years

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/neg

pretty much just a vent, you can keep scrolling and go about your way, nothin important here tbh. all the tw's are in the tags; always remember to filter the shit outta things, kids.👍🏻

#nothing like being mid mental breakdown and having [redacted] thoughts but knowing there's no one you can call #bc everyone's asleep or wouldn't answer/care anyway #....time to hope i can console myself enough to get any rest.. thank fuck i took tmrw off bc of stuff i needed to do alr #bc these hormones /plus/ my mental health lately?#sorry to vent so much here lately but like ...dont rly have anywhere else to #but i always tag shit so it may be avoided #im just so fucking tired of everything and feel so weary man.. im not even 30 and i feel like ive just about given up on everything already #like ive been trudging along since i was like 14/15 and it's just always felt muggy and shitty with minor breaks....#i should prob get back to therapy at some point but my other one only helped sm... idc idc man #working and adulting has only made shit worse fr. stress is a nightmare and idk if my major/plans are gonna work out #i just dont think im cut out for anything im so painfully useless at like everything jfc....#ugdhdhdhdhd #/neg #mental health tw #depression tw #anxiety tx #ideation tw #all sort of shit #also kinda sounds like im romanticizing [redacted] but like.... dont mean it that way i just rly want a break from always feeling like shit #(deep deep sigh)#vent/rant

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cherryzombiezz · 2 years

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god i love it when my mom's bf plants seeds of doubt in my brain while my mom screams her head off at me abt missing paperwork /s

#you mention college around this wannabe cool fuckin has-been bass player in an e-list local band #and he goes off about how much of a scam it is #right after telling you that capitalism is good #and goes ''why can't you teach yourself''#my brother in christ being self taught pales in comparison to a formal education #and for fuck's sake nobody is gonna hire me onto their team if i dont have a degree #i wanna work in the animation industry if my show doesn't go well #''why do you choose to sit and play video games and on discord all day instead of working on your thing''#BECAUSE IM FUCKING DEPRESSED JASON #GET WITH THE GODDAMN PROGRAM #ugh #jesus christ #sorry #negative

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