Tumgik
#i just kinda feel like i want to reread all the books i read in spring of 2021?
Note
jason trying to flirt and reader freaking out gives me life. (dw jason i bet she wants to kiss you too (if she doesnt i might))
When you hesitated to name a book, afraid of being mocked maybe. Or afraid to be vulnerable, Jason took a shot in the dark. Looking up at the shelves. Looking for something well loved. Something you'd keep where you could reach it whenever you wanted comfort. Something you held close to your heart. That you'd read and reread. Worn but not destroyed. Venerated. It would almost feel like something sacred.
Every lonely kid had that book.
And when he locked eyes on it, he smiled. He got up off the floor and walked across the room, aware that he was being watched. He could feel a prickle of warning. A crackle of anxiety tugging at him. And he forced himself to breathe. Yeah, it was a kiddie book. A whole set of them. But, you liked books with happy endings.
"Convert me?" Jason hummed, "I never really liked fairy tales."
"No?"
"It's kinda hard to worry about chivalry when you live like I did," he said sitting back down- suppressing a pang with difficulty. He hadn't thought about his mom and dad in a long time. He kept them buried. It was easier. To not remember the way cancer had a smell. And the way that without insurance drugs just managed the pain. And his dad drank because it hurt. And because it hurt and he drank he couldn't hold a job. And because he couldn't hold a job he just kept doing crimes.
Books had to have a point. Fairy tales and delicate little "girl books" felt ephemeral and frivolous. Austen. Shelley. Poe. Homer. Christie. All that had a point.
"I'm sorry-"
"It's alright," he said exhaling roughly. It wasn't about him. And when he felt you try to pull back, trembling from the strain he shook his head and sank to the floor. "Don't worry about me, okay. Not right now anyway."
"It hurts-"
"Sometimes," he admitted. "But if I read this for a while maybe I'll forget-"
"You can borrow-"
"I was going to read it to you," he mumbled, cheeks heating. He meant to just come in and start doing it. He'd hoped you'd just curl up with him and doze off.
"Oh."
"Is that okay?" he asked, not sure what to make of your reaction. Or your feelings. They're still a snarl- and mostly self-hatred.
"Yeah," you murmur. "Your voice is nice when you're not being mean."
268 notes · View notes
sixofravens-reads · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media
Using this to justify my irrational hold-requesting
6 notes · View notes
lovvelorrn · 6 months
Text
i've read 3 ya romance-ish books in the past 7 days or something and now i feel so weird lmao
2 notes · View notes
florelia12 · 2 years
Text
Bridgerton AU
Since I have the patience and self-control of a 5yo child (i just turned 19), here's the first chapter to a fic I'm working on that's more of an introductory kinda chapter. I won't post it on A03 or FFN until I've got a few more chapters done or maybe after I finish Untamable since its a fairly shorter story.
Enjoy!
Chapter 1
Lady Eldora
Society Papers
Dearest Readers,
Tonight we celebrate the beginning of the social season. After two years of suffering through the plague that has ripped the world of happiness and life, we can finally step out into the world and reunite with the people around us. The time has come to forget the past while we honour the loved ones we have lost and find joy once again.
Let us enter the social season with our hearts and minds open to new experiences, friendships and of course, love.
On that note, shall we begin with the introductions of our lovely debutantes for this season…
Firstly, we have our dear Princess of Solaria, Her Highness, Princess Stella. Although the Princess is now two and twenty, a year late for her debut due to the plague that unfortunately put a pause on social seasons for the past two years, we have no doubt that she will shine her way through her first season. An abundance of matches is for sure waiting for Her Highness, but who will the Princess choose? Will her childhood friendship with the Prince of Eraklyon — who has finally returned from the War victorious — blossom into something more? We will find out soon enough. 
Secondly, we have the spare of the Dominian royalty, Princess Bloom. Her sister, Princess Daphne, who successfully enraptured the Duke of Eraklyon, Prince Consort Thoren, is now expecting her second child in the coming months — what wonders being trapped in the castle without being allowed to leave for two years does for the fertility of young couples. The charming pair that found love and were the first to be married by the end of our last season are a testament to true love. Will the same fate await Princess Bloom this season?
As if this season could not get more special, we will get to bear witness to the first ever public appearance of the Princess of Andros. Princess Aisha’s beauty and grace has been spoken about plentifully throughout the commonwealth, yet no one has been lucky enough to lay eyes on her. I must say, her debut is the one I am looking forward to the most. Let’s hope we shall not be disappointed, and I’m sure her parents, the King and Queen of Andros share the same apprehension after all the efforts they put into defeating their neighbouring country that waged war on us all during an already terrible time. The pressure is on, Princess Aisha, I wish you good luck. 
Princess Isobel of Dyamond, who like our Princess Stella is debuting late at the age three and twenty, has already garnered quite the reputation with her…escapades during the plague. While the rest of us locked ourselves in our homes for the safety of others and ourselves, Princess Isobel hosted soirees and parties that admittedly endangered the lives of many. While she was granted with impeccable care when she unfortunately caught the plague, her guests suffered a different and more lethal fate. I have my reservations about allowing such a careless Princess debut, but I am simply a gossipmonger who shall not interfere with the decisions of Queen Luna who so kindly is hosting the social season in Solaria this year. I am no one to talk about the irony of a divorcee conducting the upcoming matchmaking season now, am I?
Now, we sure have many more beautiful Princesses who will be debuting tonight, but I must admit I am already bored of them. I place my wager on these Princesses to be named as the Diamond of this season.
A lady who will be making her debut tonight that deserves my honourable mention and our warmest thanks is Miss Flora of Linphea. Born to Sir Rhodos and Mrs. Alyssa in a humble village south of Linphea, she enters the season as the daughter of the man who has saved us all. We owe Sir Rhodos, a talented healer and scientist, for the invention of the cure that has abolished the plague. The family of four, including their youngest daughter Miss Miele, has officially moved their residence to Solaria, the head of the commonwealth after an influx of well-deserved money. Many suitors are indeed waiting to snatch up the young lady as it would be a fine honour to marry the daughter of the world’s hero, but we shall see if the men are simply hungry for the new money or if our debutante will find a beautiful love-match.
Talking about the men, let’s see who are our eligible bachelors of this season, shall we?
Of course, we have Prince Sky of Eraklyon, who is now two and twenty and ready to be wed. It is no doubt that the young ladies of society have their eyes set on the biggest prize there is to offer; a War hero and the future King of one of the most powerful kingdoms of the commonwealth. His Highness is indeed a lucky man and we can only wait and see which of these beautiful flowers laid out for his choosing that he will pick to be his wife and future Queen.
This spring, we also welcome the new Duke of Aquila, Duke Helia. God bless the soul of the late Duke, whom we lost to the plague a year ago and my deepest condolences to his son who was away fighting for our safety in the war against the barbarians of Omega Island when his father passed so suddenly. His Grace has inherited his father’s title that was bestowed upon the young knight twenty five years ago by King Radius, and a worthy inheritance indeed for a War hero who was released from duty with highest of honours after sustaining an injury. The Duke, who had spent his growing years from the age of fifteen in the City of Magix, studying the fine arts, will now officially reside in Solaria once again as he takes up his new role. All the best to the artist turned soldier turned Duke in settling into his new life, and my word of advice is to take advantage of all this season has to offer and find himself a lovely maiden to call his home.
With that, I shall bid you goodbye for now and let you continue with your preparations for tonight’s debutante ball. Good luck to the debutantes, may your beauty shine bright and lead the way to promising futures. Do not worry, my dearest readers, I promise to aid in keeping up with the debutantes when I return with new delicious stories of our society in a few days. Until then…
Yours truly,
Lady Eldora
11 notes · View notes
pochx · 2 months
Text
i'm finally getting around to reading house of leaves (not properly capitalized bc lazy). and it's not even because this is a major piece of modern horror lit. but because i'm obssessed with unique frames of storytelling and interesting prose.
like i'm only barely starting it but the formatting is so unconventional when i flip through the pages. and a story that's being told through an academic film analysis? plus all the different layers of plot?
it's so delicious.
0 notes
Text
Rereading The Lightning Thief as an adult was such an odd and gratifying experience. I just finished the book in one day yesterday, and here are the things I made note of to myself:
-Wayyy less of the book than I remember is the quest. So much time is spent building up Percy's character, and his life and backstory.
-Percy is such a little asshole, it's hilarious. He is SO RUDE to everyone, it's my favorite. I want to live with how much more of a dick he is than I remembered. I remember golden boy teen Percy who's good at everything and is effortlessly cool in the perceptions of others in the later books best. Like, we obviously know him better, but I kinda forgot about his snotty little asshole sixth grader origins.
-As someone that works in the school system, he's so accurate to me it hurts. It's so relatable, his one teacher believing in him, him getting frustrated when the material doesn't come to him like it does the other kids. I don't have ADHD and I could just feel all those feelings. It's great.
-Every time Percy thinks about the "betrayal of a friend" line in his prophecy, I swear Luke is mentioned in the next line, or pops up in the next scene. I just appreciate Rick not going out of his way to seem smarter than his audience. He wants his readers, middle schoolers, to have the tools to solve the mystery.
-I can't remember if I knew his dad was Poseidon before the reveal. As an adult, it seems like almost a slap in the face it's so obvious, but I am pissed I can't remember if I was excited and surprised by the reveal.
-Annabeth is also a bitchy child, she's literally so bitchy. We don't focus on it enough.
-I definitely remember when it hit me as a child that Gabe was abusive. It was way after I read this book. I kind of like how casually the domestic violence is sprinkled in. Not only is it a children's book where that is not the focus, but Percy acts like how most kids would, I think. It's pretty fine and normal that Gabe hits him, he only goes ballistic when he finds out he hits Sally. Obsessed with how Rick, by even only barely telling us Gabe is abusive, is still like "-And we should kill him for it."
-Annabeth's crush on Luke was so obvious, she should be embarrassed.
-Totally forgot we have Gabe to thank for Percy for sure being an FBI fugitive and definitely on the no fly list irl as well as from Zeus. He's such a massive asshole.
3K notes · View notes
on-my-vigilante-sht · 4 months
Text
The Final Quest
Luke Castellan x Apollo!Reader
Requested by: @reader-bookling123: hiii I had a request for Luke where it kinda takes place in the past but he was dating reader and they were deeply in love but on their quest somehow reader sadly dies and Luke is just heartbroken and angry and he’s mad that everyone just moved on from her and maybe some cute reuniting moment
Summary: How a quest with the love of Luke's life turned him away from the gods
Warnings: Angst, major spoilers for series, graphic description of death, suicide (technically), anger, resentment, pain, fluffy ending, Dionysus and Apollo slander
Word count: 5.5K
Masterlist
Tumblr media
Later A/N So I'm just now rereading Titan's Curse for the first time in like four years so I forgot that the Garden of Hesperides is west in the books. However, when I was researching the myth it was said to be some place north so I chose Canada. So that's why it doesn't reflect the book.
“Happy birthday, Luke,” my girlfriend smiled. Our lips were so close our noses were already touching. But just as I could feel the fleeting touch of her lips on mine, there was a flash of light, making her jump away from me in surprise. Looking over to the source of the light, I found my father standing three feet from us on the dock.
Neither of us had time to react before Hermes was speaking. “Hi Luke! Happy birthday. I have a gift for you.”
“Uh… th-thank you,” I tried to sound grateful but I was a little caught off guard and annoyed he ruined the moment.
“Oh, sorry!” he laughed, noticing my girlfriend who was still half in my lap. “How are you Y/N?”
“I- I’m well, Lord Hermes. How are you?” she asked nervously, awkwardly scooting away from me, moving her legs so their weight no longer rested on mine.
“Oh, no need with the Lord stuff. I may not be the god of prophecy but I am the god of gambling and I’m betting you two will get married. We’ll be family!”
“Father,” I tried to interrupt him as the embarrassment coursed through my veins, bringing heat up to my face. I didn’t even want to see Y/N’s reaction I was so nervous and embarrassed.
“Oh, right. Sorry kid. I forgot how much you teenagers hate sharing your feelings. But uh I’ve heard your prayers and offerings Luke and I have a quest for you.” My eyes widened. Finally. All my training would pay off. I could prove myself and go down in history as a hero. “I need you to get me the golden apples in Hesperides’ garden. Hera is getting a little too insufferable these days y’know?”
Y/N and I sent each other looks, our mouths open in hesitation. Our next words had to be careful. If we agreed to the wrong thing we’d be insulting Hera and I was sure she’d strike us down right here. She didn’t like demigods, to her we were an offense to marriage. Especially the ones that were a product of offense to her own marriage. “Thank you for the quest,” I carefully dodged his last comment.
“Of course, kid. Here, you’ll need this.” He snapped his fingers and in another blaze of heavenly light, a duffle bag appeared in his hands. “Well, good luck. I’ll see you back here when you bring me my apples,” he smiled, handing me the bag. “Uh, avert your eyes,” he warned. Waiting for us to cover our eyes, he disappeared in a golden spray of light.
When the world dimmed again I turned to Y/N. “Oh my god!” she yelled excitedly. She stood up, throwing her arms around me, almost knocking us both into the water. I laughed, hugging her tightly in return. “Luke, you’re gonna be a hero!” she gushed, pulling away so she could look at me.
“We’re gonna be heroes,” I assured her, placing a hand on her face. “Come with me,” I requested. My heart was thumping quickly in my chest out of excitement and nervousness. “We can be the Greek Bonnie and Clyde. Hundreds of years from now demigods will read our myths and say, ‘We can be like Y/N and Luke.’”
She looked at me, confused. “Luke, they were criminals and died tragically,” she laughed a little at the ridiculousness of it all.
“Okay wrong analogy but you get the idea. Please, I can’t do this without you.” As much as I wanted my glory, I knew the Daughter of Apollo wanted it too. And I’d be damned if I couldn’t give it to her.
“Okay, okay,” she laughed. “I’ll go with you.”
“Yes!” I cheered, hugging her so tightly I ended up lifting her off the wooden docks. She laughed as I began to spin, even almost spinning us into the cold water.
~
After talking to Chiron and getting my prophecy, Y/N and I were off in a car that Mr. D had somehow acquired. The only reason we were allowed to take it was because I was 17 and had a little driving experience from when I would take my mom’s car when she was too out of it to even get groceries. I shook off the thoughts as Y/N once again went through our supplies and plan. She seemed nervous even though I assured her numerous times we’d be fine.
“Drachma, cash, ambrosia, passports, drivers license, an enchanted map, and a bow and arrow,” she repeated the contents of the duffle bag. “The Garden of Hesperides is in northern Canada,” she mused, looking at the map. “Heracles defeated Ladon with a bow and arrow by piercing each head through the eye.”
“Yeah, we’ll be fine,” I assured, reaching across the center console to place a reassuring hand on her thigh. I left it there, rubbing calming circles on the skin of her leg with my thumb. “Heracles did it before…” I said, the words slowly dying as they came out. Heracles already did it. I tried to shake off the thought that I was just redoing a quest. They were so uncommon nowadays it was an honor to be chosen for one. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself to chase the doubt away. Besides, Heracles technically failed his quest, he didn’t bring them to Eurystheus. I would succeed in bringing them to the person who had requested them.
“What was the prophecy again?” she asked, still looking at the map.
I swallowed nervously. The prophecy was not optimistic for us. I couldn’t possibly imagine what we’d find out about each other on this trip that would cause us to lose our love for one another. “You shall go north to fruits, rare / Liar to liar, a father’s heir, / Loves will be lost in Ladon’s lair,” I repeated.
“‘You shall go north to fruits, rare,’” she repeated. “Obviously that means we’re going north to find the golden apples. “‘Liar to Liar, a father’s heir.’ Hermes is the god of lies. And I guess stealing makes you deceitful. Ergo, a liar… ‘Loves will be lost in Ladon’s lair,’” she repeated. I could hear the dread infiltrating her voice.
“Hey,” I interrupted her thinking with a squeeze to her thigh, “that could mean anything. Prophecies are just a guide. A starting point. It was so short and vague that we don’t even know if it’s talking about us. We’ll be fine,” I promised again.
“Yeah, of course,” came her voice. I glanced away from the road, finding a weak smile on her face.
“What kind of music does Dionysus have?” I asked, trying to change the subject. She opened the glove compartment, several things falling out of it.
She began to go through them. “Um, a concerning amount of Weird Al Yankovic.” I laughed as she continued to look through. She then gasped. “Oh my gods.” She held up something next to me that I took. I nearly slammed on the brakes as I glanced down at it.
I couldn’t stare at the CD in my hand too long so we wouldn’t crash but every time I glanced down at it I found a new horrifyingly wonderful detail on the album cover. It was Mr. D with the weirdest haircut I had ever seen. He was lying down on a cheetah print rug, his shirt was a zebra print and had the first several buttons undone so the viewer could see all of his glorious chest hair. That wasn’t even the most outrageous part. Mr. D was lying down next to a tiger with a gold chain around its neck. Hanging from the chain was presumably Mr. D’s stage name, “Dionomite” written in gold cursive and studded with diamonds. “We have to listen to this!”
“Already ahead of you,” she said, punching buttons on the dash. She took the CD from me and put it in. Once it was ready, our ears were immediately assaulted with the sound of various horn instruments being poorly played. “Did he play all the instruments himself?”
“Probably,” I answered as Mr. D’s voice came on. “Oh…” was all I could say as the squeaky singing made my eardrums bleed.
It was funny for a couple songs but then it just got annoying so we switched over to a single Beatles album.
~
We reached the Canadian border in only a couple hours. Thanks to the Mist we could drive as fast as we wanted without fear of mortal cops.
As we pulled up to the gate, the guard switched. Must have been a shift change. I thought nothing of it as I rolled down the window. “Passports?” the guard tiredly asked. His eyes were shielded by sunglasses despite the fact that he was under shade. I became wary but handed him the documents anyway. “Any plants, animals, dairy products, or drugs in the car?” he asked.
“No,” I answered.
“What’s the nature of your quest, demigods?” The customs officer removed his sunglasses, revealing a single eye. He then grew about three feet, revealing a cyclops.
“Hit the gas!” Y/N yelled beside me. I did, taking off. Now we had both a cyclops and the Canadian border police after us as I crashed through the plastic gate that went up and down. I swerved around guards and other cars, getting up on sidewalks and surely ruining the paint job.
But up ahead I could see them closing a heavy looking gate. Gods on our side or not we weren’t getting through that gate. So I swerved into the trees. “Hold on!” they were sparse enough that the car could fit in between the trees. Glancing in the mirror, I could no longer see border guards. But there was a 9 foot tall cyclops following us in the distance. Which would be fine, he’d never catch up to the car but the woods were getting thicker and now I didn’t know which way was the road.
Nature made its decision for me as I heard Y/N’s scream. “Luke look out!” But it was too late. A violent force stopped us and the car was suddenly still. There was so much force I was half afraid the cyclops had a friend but I just found a tree in the middle of the hood where the engine used to be. “Run!” I told my girlfriend, frantically unbuckling my seatbelt.
I ran to the other side, finding her struggling with the seatbelt. She threw the duffle bag at me before pulling out her knife and cutting the seatbelt away. When she hopped out, I took her hand. We ran further into the trees, the cyclops’ thunderous footsteps right behind us.
“Luke, we can’t run forever,” she breathed. She was right. We’d run out of energy before that thing did.
I thought for a moment, thinking of how we’d kill this thing. “At that big tree,” I pointed to a huge pine tree right in our path, “split up. Then we’ll circle back around and hit him from the side.” She nodded in understanding. We ran full speed at the tree until we each turned on the balls of our feet, dashing out of the cyclops’ path. The plan worked better than expected because he ran face first into the solid pine tree.
He crumpled to the ground, giving me time to retrieve my sword from the duffle bag. By the time I looked up, Y/N was already dancing around the beast, cutting him up with her knife. I jumped in, giving him the same treatment. We worked as a flawless team, striking and giving the other space as needed. Until finally, she cut the thing’s heels, forcing him to the ground. I took the opportunity to stab him in the eye, leaving behind only a pile of shimmery ichor.
When he was gone, I immediately pulled Y/N in my arms. Even at the relative safety of camp, I always needed her in my arms to calm down after battle. To assure myself that she was still there and I was still alive. The sound of her breath in my ear helped ground me. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, you?” Her face was still buried in my shoulder.
“Yeah. Sorry I crashed the car.” She chuckled, pulling away from me.
“You’re forgiven. C’mon, let’s go see what supplies we can save and start walking.”
While the car was unsalvageable, all of our stuff was fine. So we grabbed out backpacks full of winter clothes and started following the map. It wasn’t that bad now but it’d be cold by the time night fell so I forced Y/N to put on sweatpants over her shorts.
I was kind of hoping the map would take us to civilization where we could rest for the night but it just seemed to bring us deeper into the forest and we had no flashlight. As it got darker and colder I got more nervous. “We have to find some sort of shelter for tonight.”
“I know it’s dark but it’s not that-” A pack of wolves howling cut her off. “Okay, yeah,” she agreed. She began looking around. “Any chance you could climb one of these trees? I don’t really want to be on the ground.”
I shook my head. “Even if I could get up high enough I don’t think any of the branches would support us.”
She huffed. “Shelter it is, I guess.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from the wolves,” I teased. She had just killed a literal cyclops but she was afraid of some dogs.
“Hey, I don’t mess with wolves,” she said sternly. “After I saw that one movie about the kids stuck on the ski lift. You wouldn’t catch me in the woods at night yet here we are.”
“What about Capture the Flag?” I asked as we started collecting stuff to make a shelter.
“Well that’s different. There’s like 30 of us out there.”
“Do you want me to start sticking with you during the games? You know, if a wolf wanders in?” I teased.
“I’ll make my own shelter for tonight, thank you very much,” she said matter o’ factly.
“No, no, no. I’m sorry,” I apologized, tugging her back to me as she tried to storm off to get supplies. “Besides, we need each other’s body heat to keep us warm,” I whispered teasingly.
“Not a chance out here,” she scolded me.
“Worth a try,” I shrugged. “Everyone knows you can better preserve body heat if you’re not wearing clothes.” She just gave me an exasperated look before walking off again. “I’m joking!” I yelled after her.
By the time we had the shelter built up only about an hour had passed. We used pine needles to try to protect out bodies from the cold ground. And we used our winter coats as a blanket since we zipped them together. We laid down in the shelter, still shivering despite our best efforts. I held her close as she curled up against my chest, her head tucked under my chin. “Get some sleep,” I told her. “I’ll keep watch.”
“Okay,” she agreed. “Wake me in a few hours and I’ll take over.” I agreed with absolutely no intentions of waking her up. Judging by how fast her breathing evened out despite her constant shivers, she needed the sleep more than me. In the morning she’d yell at me for not waking her but it was worth it.
~
We had only been walking for a few minutes when we came across sled dogs. Ten siberian huskies all laying around patiently, harnessed to a sled. “Maybe these were the wolv-”
“Shut up,” she warned, giving me a light smack against the shoulder. I laughed as she hesitantly approached the dogs. “Hey guys, you waiting for someone?” She slowly reached her hand out to one of the dogs who calmly sniffed it before licking it eagerly. She gave him some scratches behind the ear in return. “Awe you’re such a good boy.” The dogs were now all up, wagging their tails and whining for pets.
I went up to the sled, finding a satchel tied to it. Opening it I found dog treats and a note. “All good huntresses need a pack of wolves.” Underneath it was a crescent moon. I clenched my jaw, recognizing the sender of the gift. Her aunt, Artemis. Last year, during the winter solstice, Artemis and her hunters had visited briefly. One of the hunters, Zoe, befriended Y/N. And even after she had told them she had a boyfriend, they still tried to recruit her. It never sat right with me, the way Artemis seemed so okay with breaking up a relationship.
“It’s for you,” I told Y/N, handing her the note. I handed her the note and she took it. She just sighed before stuffing it back into the satchel. “I don’t know why she’s so determined to recruit you.”
“I don’t know either,” she said, already tying our stuff to the sled. “But she’s gonna be disappointed because I’m kind of really into this one guy. I don’t know if you know him but he’s the son of Hermes. He’s gonna be a great Greek hero.” Her praise was enough for me to let go of my anger. Stooping down, I pressed a kiss to her lips.
The pack of sled dogs was perfect for the Canadian wilderness except for one problem. There was no snow. Still, they managed to pull us so smoothly it was like snow.
Soon enough, we pulled up to a garden. If it weren’t for the fact that they were literally in the middle of nowhere, this garden would be unassuming. It had a white picket fence and looked to be about an acre. Thousands of different types of plants grew, enchanting us with its smell. Off in the distance, in the middle of the garden, I could faintly see the golden fruits, the sun glinting off of them.
“The nymphs never gave Heracles a problem,” Y/N shrugged. I nodded, cautiously opening the gate, sword in hand. She held the bow up, an arrow already knocked. A quiver of them were slung over her back.
We crept in quietly, watching for signs of danger. She would watch our surroundings and made sure no nymphs attacked us while I kept an eye on the multi-headed dragon, making sure he didn’t stir.
Once we were about 20 feet away, he still wasn’t stirring. Y/N kneeled down behind some greenery, lining up her arrow. She took aim and fired. The arrow bounced harmlessly off one of the many scale covered head. The beast didn’t so much as stir. She looked back at me, as if seeking assurance. I nodded, telling her to try again. But rather than just take aim again, she crept a little closer. I almost told her to get back but I was afraid the dragon would wake up at my yelling. I held my breath, heart pounding as she tried again. This time she sunk it right through the eyelid but before either of us could react, another head moved. It snapped at her, jaws clenching around her waist. My blood turned to ice as I heard her pained scream. It was so horrifying to hear my body seemed to turn to lead.
I needed to save her. I forced my body into a run. I slashed at the neck that was currently holding my girlfriend in the air. Ladon dropped her, not without a claw slashing at me in turn. I managed to dodge it, scrambling over to Y/N. I wasn’t even comprehending whether or not she was conscious or if she was alive. I was too busy trying to tug her away. Golden fucking apples be damned.
I reached her, grabbing her by her shoulders and trying to tug her to safety. But before I could make much progress, the beast’s claw was in my face again. But I noticed it too late this time, too focused on my girlfriend’s very pale face. The claw hit me in the face, sweeping me to the side. I couldn’t feel the pain but I could see the blood seeping into my vision. I tried to wipe it away but it just kept coming. With my non-blinded eye I could see Ladon going back to his prior position as if we were nothing. Like he wasted no energy maiming us. Nonetheless, it allowed me to grab her by the shoulders, shaking her awake.
“Y/N, we need to go!” I said frantically, worried he’d come back for round two if we didn’t get out soon. “Can you walk?” I looked down at her body and knew the answer. Her shirt was covering the extent of her wounds but teeth marks, each a few inches across, tore through her shirt and there was blood. So much blood.
“With help,” she said in a strangled voice.
“Okay, good,” I nodded. Her assurance eased me slightly. I slung her arm across my shoulder before pulling her up. She screamed as I raised her off the ground but nevertheless gritted her teeth and bore it.
“No!” she cried as I tried to wrap my arm around her to support her weight. I realized that in doing so I’d be pressing into her wounds. She sobbed in pain the entire time we slowly stumbled out of the garden. It pained me to hear her cries but I had to get her out of here. If I could just get her to the sled I could give her some ambrosia and she’d be fine.
When I finally got her outside the gate, I laid her down. I’d get her onto our transportation once she wasn’t in such a critical condition. “Hold on, I’ll get you some ambrosia,” I told her, moving toward the sled. But the weakest tug held me back.
I looked down at her, finding blood, sweat, and tears covering her face. “No,” she cried. Tears were pouring down her face as sobs wracked her body. “Ambrosia won’t help.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” I held her face. Oh, her beautiful face. My heart clenched seeing it twisted in agony. “You’re gonna be fine. I promised you. I’m not a liar…” Tears were falling down my face now. She’s not fine. I realized that I’d become an unknowing liar.
Her hand reached up to my face, her thumb swiping over my blood covered cheek. “You’re not a liar. We were doomed from the start.” She took a labored breath and deep inside, I knew it was the end for her.
“Come on, no. Don’t leave. Please don’t leave,” I cried. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into my lap. As if physically holding on to her would keep her from slipping through my fingers like the wind. “Just hold on until I can get you to a hospital.”
“We don’t have time.” A small smile tugged at her face and I knew she was smiling through the pain for my sake. “I love you, Luke. Promise me you’ll move on?”
“What? No. You know I won’t. You’re the love of my life,” I insisted.
“Please, at least try?” she asked. “I don’t want you following me too soon,” she tried to joke. But her laugh turned into pained sobs as the movement hurt her body.
I cried harder seeing her in so much pain. Her breathing was getting shallower and more labored. “Fine, I’ll try,” I swore. Lie. “I love you. So much.”
“I’ll see you in Elysium,” she said through a peaceful smile. It would be a welcome sight if it weren’t for the blood bubbling up out of her mouth. I turned her to the side slightly so she wouldn’t choke on it but it wasn’t enough. The blood was coming faster and her body was shutting down. “I love you,” she whispered before her eyes fluttered shut.
“No, wake up!” I cried, shaking her slightly. “Wake up!” Her breaths were getting shorter and I was getting more desperate. “Do something!” I yelled up at the sky. Her father. My father. Anyone! But no one came. Her wounds didn’t stitch themselves together and her eyes didn’t open. I held her tightly, sobbing into her shoulder long after she stopped breathing. Even the dogs started howling at the gods when her heart stopped beating.
~~~
“That’s why I hate the gods,” I murmured to Percy, watching the scorpion slowly creep up his leg. “They finally granted me a quest. It was all I ever wanted. But it was a joke. All my father wanted to do was piss off Hera and he was okay with using me and my girlfriend as collateral damage. And her father, Apollo,” the name came out of his mouth like venom, “the god of prophecy and healing let his daughter die. He knew she was going to die, even before the quest. And when he had the opportunity to save her, he ignored her.”
“I’m sorry she died but-”
“No!” I cut Percy off. “It would be one thing if she just died but she died over a fucking prank war. She died an agonizing death. Her aunt, Artemis, intervened in our quest but she still let her niece die a slow, painful death. They didn’t even help me bring her back to camp so she could be buried properly. I had to bury her in the woods like I had killed her and was covering up a crime.” I swiped away a tear as I noticed it slip down my face. I still couldn’t decide what was worse. Feeling her die in my arms or leaving her out there in the woods to rot. “And to make matters worse, no one seemed to care that she died. When I finally got back to camp a month later, they just pitied me. I begged Chiron to let me and some others go get her so we could give her a proper funeral but he refused. And when I tried to get others to join me to convince him, no one would go. After a couple days no one seemed to care that Y/N L/N was dead. A week later, another Apollo camper was claimed and they just gave her bunk away to him. Like she meant nothing.”
“But why Kronos? I’ve never heard of a demigod turning away from the gods. Even when horrible things happened.”
I sighed in contentment, remembering the projection he showed me. “Because he can bring her back. We’ll be immortal and without pain forever. He showed her to me. He said she’s happy in Elysium but she misses me,” I smiled softly. “But she misses camp too,” I laughed bitterly. “Annabeth, Grover, she probably would’ve missed you had you two met. But she never got the opportunity. But now, with Kronos, I’ll get to give her everything she wants.” I looked over at the kid. He seemed so deep in thought I wasn’t sure he’d heard me. “Goodbye Percy,” I said as I stood.
“I’ll tell everyone at camp about you!” he called after me.
“If you make it. Pit scorpion venom will kill you in 60 seconds. Even if you do make it, I’ll still be long gone.”
~~~
I sunk the blade into my Achilles heel, destroying Kronos’ life source inside me. I laughed as I could feel him leaving me. And continued to laugh as I fell to the ground and felt my own life draining out of me. Looking up, I found Annabeth above me, her curls hanging in my face. “I’m gonna see Y/N,” was all I said.
Tears welled in her eyes as I felt her comforting hand stroke my hair. “Yeah you are. I know how much you missed her.”
“I’ll see you there too,” I promised her, just like Y/N promised me.
~
I stood in front of the Judges of the Underworld. I knew I messed up in my life but my sacrifice had to amount to something. And I had to get to Elysium. “Luke Castellan,” Minos read my name. “You are charged with… starting a war against the gods?” he read in disbelief. “Why were you not immediately sentenced to the Fields of Punishment?” If I still had a heart it’d be in my feet right now. I couldn’t go to the Fields of Punishment. “You should have cut your losses and taken the express line to the Fields of Asphodel.”
“Keep reading,” Rhadamanthus said, not even looking up from the papers.
Minos rolled his eyes but kept going. “Oh, you sacrificed yourself, killing Kronos and saving Olympus and all of humanity. Hmm. Well, you did still start a war with the gods.”
Aeacus leaned over. “Minos, this really is more of a formality than anything. All the gods have already given him a pass.”
Minos huffed. “Fine,” he picked up a gold gavel, “Elysium!” he declared.
Before I could even thank him I was transported into what looked like the Apollo cabin. It was strange, I knew this was supposed to be the Apollo cabin but it didn’t have all the bunks. It looked like a normal house but something about it felt so familiar. I looked around, realizing I was standing in the living room. This must be Y/N’s house, it even smelled like her. Decorating the walls were pictures of her and her friends and siblings. But on the mantle and side tables were pictures of us. I picked one up, noticing the fingerprint markings all over it. She must pick it up a lot.
Looking around, I found glass French doors in the kitchen that led outside. The view was breathtaking. Mountains rose up on either side of the bluest lake I had ever seen. I went outside, intending to enjoy the view. As I stepped outside I could smell fresh air and feel a perfect breeze. “Hey stranger,” a voice came from beside me. I turned, immediately letting out a choked sob as I saw her sitting there. She stood, coming to me and I immediately snatched her into my arms. She shushed me, stroking my back as I sobbed in her shoulder. “You came way earlier than I wanted but I’m glad to see you.”
I pulled away so I could see her face. The blood, sweat, and tears were gone. It was just her beautiful, perfect face. “You’re actually here,” I said, reaching a hand up to her face. I was terrified she’d disappear again just like she did when Kronos showed her to me in my dreams.
“I’m here. And so are you,” she smiled. “We’ll be immortal and without pain forever,” she swore.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Luke.”
~
Decades later we were opening our door to see Percy and Annabeth standing there. “Y/N!” Annabeth cried, jumping into my wife’s arms.
“Hey Annabeth!” she laughed, clutching the woman in a hug.
I looked over to Percy, finding him with smile lines and salt and pepper hair. “Hey cuz,” I smiled, extending my hand. Percy shook it and pulled me into a hug which I returned. I patted him on the back as I pulled away. “You know you can look any age you want here? You don’t have to be an old man.”
“I’m not an old man,” he insisted. “I was 80. Just anything older than 16 year old me looks old to you.”
I shrugged, he wasn’t wrong. I turned to Annabeth, giving her a hug too.
Y/N took Percy’s hand. “Percy, it’s so nice to finally meet you. Everyone from camp whose already here has said great things.”
He smiled at her. “I’ve heard the same about you,” he returned, glancing at me. “Well we brought blue cake for dessert.”
Masterlist
A/N Omg this is quite possibly the angstiest thing I've ever written. But it also has one of my favorite endings. Thanks for requesting this, I really enjoyed writing it
726 notes · View notes
mangomonk · 8 months
Text
i've been dreaming
↳ summary: read this drabble and pt. 1 first! remus deals with the repercussions of falling in love too late. ↳ content: angst, happy ending, mentions of eating/sleeping properly ↳ a/n: get comfy, this is a long one! i really appreciated and loved each comment from pt. 1, it made my day to see y'all scream heartbreak. would love to hear your thoughts on this one : D anyways, i went back and forth on my characterization of remus a million times, but i hope this version of him resonates and i hope you enjoy :") tense/grammar is all over the place, minimal proofreading but i've stared at this for too long. p.s. i'm kinda proud af about connecting the titles, they're from ivy by frank ocean.
Remus has been dreaming. Every time she had looked at him, he had felt like he was dreaming.
There wasn't a moment in particular that Remus could name when he realized he wanted her to look at him. He was in the middle of it before he even knew he had begun, though maybe a part of him had known it would have been futile to resist when she looked at him like that.
Or maybe it had been an accumulation of moments of Remus longing for her to look at him.
Maybe it had been when they had started their fourth study date together when Remus had decided he needed to act like a normal person and have strict boundaries instead of casting sidelong glances at her over the top of his book. He couldn't help but look at her as he tried to figure out why in the world a girl like her would ever agree to date him in the first place — he had only really asked so that he could be rejected and put the whole thing behind him.
But it wasn't his fault that the more glances he stole at her, the more he noticed the way her expression changed with each new story she read. It wasn't his fault that her lips parted when she was concentrating too hard on Ancient Runes. It wasn't his fault that her lips were the same color as his mother's tulips. But she never noticed when — or how — he looked at her, to his mingled relief and disappointment. It wasn't his fault at all, he reasoned — anyone would notice these things if they just looked at her properly. It baffled him a little how no one else seemed to have noticed this things about her yet.
It had been that day that Remus had decided he needed to start acting normal. He needed to learn how to control his eyes before he bore holes through her face. So he had focused on reviewing his Magical Theory textbook. Even though he had been rereading the same line for over five minutes. Even though he was so painfully aware that if he moved his leg out just slightly, his knees would knock against hers. Even though he could begin to feel her glancing up at him from across the table. When had he become so attuned to her gaze?
But he hadn't looked up, frustratingly going against every fiber in his body, because he needed to be normal and have boundaries and this was temporary. Even if she was looking at him like that. Remus Lupin, with his ever so strong willpower, hadn't looked up to meet her not-so-secret secret glances and had scribbled a note on his scrap of parchment and slid it over.
Hogsmeade this weekend?
Or maybe it had been when they had gone to Hogsmeade, the first time they had done anything together outside of studying. Asking her to go was a stroke of madness, but Remus had reasoned it to be a healthy show of their relationship, no matter how temporary it was supposed to be. It wouldn't make sense if they were dating and only ever studied together, right?
Right.
He had thought about sending an owl to cancel, even as he tried on Sirius's shirt for the second time — the night before, he had come to the sobering realization that all his clothes were plain. He had thought about telling her that he caught a cold, even as he let James slather Euphemia's silkifying potions through his hair. He had still been thinking about canceling even as his feet took him to the entrance gate—
—and she had been wearing a skirt.
It had been one of those long and flowy Muggle skirts — Remus had never before paid attention to women's fashion, but after that moment, he realized that maybe he ought to subscribe to one of Lily's Witch Weekly magazines so that he could get her more skirts, or rather, more of anything, he thought she'd look pretty in anything. Had he said pretty out loud?
Remus Lupin didn't have butterflies in his stomach, he had damn hummingbirds.
"Hi," he had said, a little too tersely and sharply.
"Hi," she had said back, all smiles. Despairingly, he had noticed that she was wearing lipstick. When he stared at her a little dumbly and didn't say anything back, her smile turned nervous as she fidgeted with the collar of her blouse. Impulsively, his eyes darted to follow the motion. "So... Hogsmeade?"
He wasn't going to tell her she looked pretty because he had laid out his boundaries. And if he started, he would never stop— "You look preautiful," he had blurted, stricken.
Her eyes had widened a fraction before she broke into a laugh. A proper laugh, not the quiet, library huff type of laughs he had grown fond of hearing. The warmth in his chest had spread all over and it had felt like it got to his head as a fog, rendering him unable to think. Remus had no idea what to do with the new, dizzying knowledge that she looked absurdly stunning when she was laughing, but all he could think about during their walk to Hogsmeade was how he might make her laugh again.
Or maybe it had been the first time he had properly introduced her to the Marauders. She had stepped closer to him instinctively — perhaps nervously, because Sirius was staring at her too appraisingly with narrowed eyes — when the back of her knuckles had brushed against his. Remus had nearly jumped out of his skin. Sirius's gaze had darted to him swiftly, his gray eyes knowingly bright with interest.
"Pleased to meet you," Sirius had said a moment later, his face breaking into a warm smile, but Remus wasn't paying attention anymore. He was just trying to figure out how he might hook his pinky with hers.
All this to say that there hadn't been one particular moment Remus Lupin could have pinpointed that had sealed his fate of wanting to be under her gaze.
The first time she looked at him, it was the start of nothing and when she looked away that night, it was the end of everything.
Remus wished she yelled at him. Hell, he even wished she had called him a monster, cursed him, hexed him. Remus thought that he would have been happier if she looked at him with contempt and disgust in her eyes, which only weeks ago had been his greatest fear when he considered telling her about his lycanthropy. The thought back then had kept him up at night, but Remus found himself dreaming for it now. Anything if it meant that he didn't hurt her the way he had. He found himself dreaming that she would just look at him again.
If Remus thought he had been panicked that night, it was nothing compared to the next day when he realized she was avoiding him. She hadn't shown up to the Great Hall — Remus knew this because he got there the moment the doors opened to make sure to catch her — and she didn't show up to any of their classes for the remainder of the day. The Marauder's Map showed that she was unmoving in her dormitory. When Remus finally did catch sight of her the next day in the Great Hall, he burst to his feet but froze a moment later. She walked past him, her expression one of unfamiliar blankness.
"Y/N!" He called, lurching forward towards her.
When she turned away from him to avoid meeting his gaze, Remus felt something like dismay sink so heavily and swiftly in his chest, like a stone thrown into a calm lake. The idea that Y/N wouldn’t look at him again drove him half-mad with a panicked disquietude that sent him scrambling to find a way to talk to her again. 
He tried in the Great Hall, but she stopped coming. She would arrive just late enough that class would start and would disappear the moment class ended. She stopped going to the library. Even with the Marauder's Map, he had no luck. The closer he tried to get to her, the further she stayed away.
Remus thought he was dreaming when he saw her alone in the corridor one Hogsmeade weekend when he couldn't bring himself to leave.
"Y/N," he said instinctively, hopefully. She looked up, her surprised expression immediately shuttering close. "Can we talk? Just for a moment?" He asked, stepping towards her. When she didn't move away, he straightened, encouraged.
“I know,” Remus began, his throat bobbing as he swallowed back the jolt of despair when he realized that she still wasn't looking at him. The despair only grew into a gnawing worry when he noticed the way shadows lined her eyes, the planes of her face hollower. Was she taking care of herself? "I know you don't want to see me anymore, cariad, but—"
"You don't get to call me that anymore."
He sucked in a breath, steeling himself before continuing. "Okay," he whispered, "Okay. I know. And I'm sorry, Y/N. I've never been more sorry in my life. And I won't ever ask you to forgive me. But, but I'm selfish because I want you to know that it was real for me."
She looked like she was folding in on herself as she clutched her forearms. "It wasn't real. You don't actually like me, Rem— Lupin," she said evenly, her tone neither cold nor warm. "It could have been anyone else."
"No, I do, I do," Remus lurched forward, desperate and earnest and wishing. "I like you, and maybe it wasn't real in the beginning, but it's real now. Like isn't even a strong enough word for how I feel about you, Y/N. I lo—"
"Don't." At the harsh steeliness of her tone, Remus froze, stricken, his heart dropping to his feet. "Don't say it."
"But it's true," he whispered entreatingly, imploring her to look at him again. "It's been true for awhile now."
"I don't believe you."
Each word hit him in the chest like a sharp pang, the stricken feeling in his chest clenching around his heart. "Okay," Remus swallowed back the crumpling sense of despair as he nodded earnestly. "That's okay," he whispered, as if not to spook a wild animal. "I... I'll show you." He had so much he wanted to say, so much that he wanted to show her. If he had been honest since the beginning, he wouldn't have hurt her. But maybe if he was honest now, it wasn't too late — he could still fix things. "You have my heart, Y/N," he continued softly, "—and you can break it, if you want, if you'll give me another chance—"
"I don't need it," she said quietly, looking away from him again. "Nor do I want it."
— — — — —
Remus stopped dreaming as he stopped sleeping.
"You should get some sleep tonight, mate," James said as he edged near his friend. "Full moon coming up."
Remus grunted in his response as he continued writing at his desk.
"Prongs is right," Sirius agreed, exchanging a quick look with the others. "She'll come around soon, anyone with eyes can see how you look at her. And how she looks at you."
"Why don't you talk to her again?" James suggested gently as he sat on the edge of Remus's bed.
"She doesn't want to," Remus said quietly, a blot of ink pooling at the end of his quill as he tried not to think about their last conversation.
"Why not write her a letter then?" Sirius asked. "Look, Moony, we're worried about you..."
A letter, Remus thought dimly as he stared down at the parchment in front of him.
Cariad, he began before setting his quill down to stare at the word. The first time he had called her cariad had been a slip of tongue. When he was younger, before his father had burnt himself out trying to find a cure to his lycanthropy, his father used to call his mother cariad. It was like a gentle period at the end of each sentence, an endearment that said everything all at once.
It had slipped into the end of his sentence one morning when he had asked her if she wanted orange juice or apple juice. Maybe it was too early to confess love, but it had slipped out, subtle and quiet like their time together.
"What's that?" She had asked, her attention now caught. "Car-iad," she said slowly, as she tried pronouncing the word carefully. Remus had thought he could have kissed her then.
"It's Welsh," he had said, keeping his tone light and casual as he reached for her cup.
But she had been as attentive as ever, her eyes seeing right through him as they tracked across his face carefully. It didn't help that he could feel his ears begin to burn. Despite himself though, Remus delighted being under her attention, and had relished it even as she narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "For?"
Remus had schooled his expression carefully. "For 'Y/N can never pick between orange juice and apple juice,'" he had deadpanned, inwardly delighting in the way her lips twitched as she huffed, unconvinced.
"Today is an orange juice day," she had declared finally. Remus had bit back a smile as he poured her juice. When she took it, she had smiled at him around the rim of the cup. "Thank you, cariad."
Remus had thought that he was dreaming.
Remus picked up his quill again and got a fresh sheet of parchment. Dove, he began again before promptly crossing it out. A new piece of parchment. Y/N, he started again. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. He missed saying her name. When the squeeze in his chest got too tight to ignore, he set his quill down and rested his forehead against his desk and closed his eyes. He had hurt her so terribly, the person he loved. And Remus resented himself for it. He didn't have the right to call her cariad or dove or darling or anything anymore. He didn't have the right to wallow in pity. He didn't have the right to try to fix things when she so clearly didn't want him anymore.
"Remus Lupin," a voice snapped sharply as the door to the dormitory flew open with a boom. "How could you—"
“Lily!” James blurted in clear alarm. "Lily, what are you doing here?"
"I'm here because you lot have really gone too far this time," Lily seethed, her eyes as fiery as her hair as she stalked into the room. "Remus, I thought you were better than this! Y/N hasn't—"
"Lily!" James jumped to his feet in a rare show of courage against the witch. He let out a nervous laugh, but to his credit, stood firm even as Lily rounded on him. “You’re making him feel worse!”
For a moment, Lily turned on James, an incredulous expression on her face before her gaze slid over to Remus, who still hadn’t looked up during the exchange. She faltered, her scowl softening as her gaze darted back to James who gave her an encouraging nod. But then the fiery-haired girl straightened. “He should feel bad,” she admonished, though the venom had begun to dissipate from her voice. 
“And he does,” Sirius supplied helpfully from his corner of the room. “Moony hasn’t really, er, moved or spoken in days, really. We’re all getting concerned.”
"Well neither has Y/N," Lily grumbled, though her tone was beginning to soften rapidly.
This caught his attention. Remus lifted his head to look at her. "Has she been taking care of herself?"
Lily narrowed her eyes at him, a crease forming between her brow as she looked at him assessingly. "Have you been taking care of yourself?"
Remus didn't say anything to this as he turned to rummage through his desk. "Will you make sure she eats and sleeps properly?" He said before finding the stack of parchment he had been looking for.
"It took me nearly an hour to get her to understand that I wasn't a part of the mess you had created," Lily said, though not harshly. Remus ignored the look of pity in her eyes as he busied himself with cobbling together a few more sheets of parchment. "I think you should be the one making sure she's alright."
At this, he paused to look down at the parchment. “She doesn’t want to be in the same room as me, let alone speak with me,” Remus pointed out, his voice unsteady. In a quieter voice, he added, “She can’t even stand looking at me.”
The room fell silent. Then finally, Lily spoke up again. "Fine. I'll check up on her but not for you, but because I'm her friend. And if you ever considered her at least a friend, you ought to do it too sometime and have a proper conversation with her."
Remus bit the inside of his cheek as he turned to proffer the stack of parchment to Lily. "Can you also give these notes to her? It's for Ancient Runes. I charmed the handwriting so she won't know it's from me, but—"
"Remus," Lily sighed, but took the notes anyways as she looked down at his desk curiously before sitting down on the edge of his bed. A pause. Remus could feel her eyes seeing right through him. "Were you ever going to tell her?"
Remus tried not to look like he was unraveling. "I don't know," he admitted honestly. "I wanted to and I didn't want to all at once all the time."
He had thought about telling her before. But to do so meant that he would have to tell her about his condition, and that had sent him into a stricken spiral every time he had thought about it. He had thought that if he told her, she would look at him differently, with pity or repulsion in her eyes. He had been so afraid, so, terrified, of that look that every time the truth nearly bubbled out of his throat, he'd choke on it. But now Remus knew that the worse thing wasn't that she would look at him like he was a monster. It was that she wouldn't look at him at all.
It had always felt like he was running on stolen time, but each grain of sand in their hourglass had felt so startling incandescent that it had been easy to pretend that they weren't trapped in a fragile glass of his own making.
Every moment he had thought to tell her, she would turn and look at him with such fond adoration that Remus would swallow the words back in. She always made for such an arresting sight that Remus felt his breath still as affection would bloom so violently, so dizzingly, so distractingly, in his chest that it became hard to say anything at all.
He was distracted by the way little crinkles would form on her nose when she was thinking too hard. He was distracted by the way he could hear her smile in her words. He was distracted by the way she breathed and walked and loved, slow and steady, to a silent metronome.
And the honest truth was that Remus was more than happy to be distracted by her.
— — — — —
When Remus woke up from a dreamless sleep the morning after the full moon, he found himself, predictably, in a bed in the Infirmary. It must have only been dawn — he could tell the room was still dim behind his eyelids as he did his mental check of his limbs. No new scars please, he thought wryly once he confirmed all his limbs were in place, albeit sore and strained. Remus sighed. Then came the more dreaded question.
"Did anyone get hurt?" He asked, his voice hoarse from his transformation.
He expected one of the boys to respond, but when no response came, his eyes flew open in a panic. They normally stayed the night in the Infirmary to get their checkup from Madam Pomfrey — Remus knew they were just there to keep him company, though they always deflected when he tried to usher them back to the dorms — and they were normally the first to assure him that no one had gotten hurt. Alarmed, Remus sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed hastily to look around, his joints groaning in protest.
"Are you hurt?" A voice next to him asked.
He was dreaming again.
Y/N was sitting in a chair next to his bed, alarm quickly breaking through the remnants of the sleepiness that clung onto her eyes as she scanned him hastily as if to ensure he was still in one piece. There was an imprint of his blanket on her cheek. Remus's fingers twitched to rub it when she spoke up again. "Should I call Madam Pomfrey?"
So it wasn't a dream.
At the sobering realization, Remus shook his head hastily. "No, I, uh, I'm fine," he said, the words faltering on his lips. Suddenly he felt very seen. He had never wanted her to see him after a transformation, especially not then, when he was all fresh scars and worn bones. He felt like a shell of himself. "What are you doing here?" He asked quietly, fixing his gaze on his hands and noticing a new scar across the back of his hand, still red and shallow. He couldn't quite look at her now as shame and mortification flooded his system.
For the first time in his life, he wished she wasn't looking at him.
"You guys normally come back earlier on full moons," she said, still looking at him. "I was worried that..." She fell silent. So she had even known their schedule, he despaired.
"I see," Remus said tightly, feeling drained.
When he didn't say anything else, she spoke up again tentatively. "Sirius told me to tell you that no one got hurt—"
Chagrin and shame roiled in his stomach as he stared at the new scar on his hand. "You can go back now," he interrupted, grasping the blanket tightly. He wished she wasn't looking at him, he wished that he didn't have a new scar, he wished that the floor would just open up and swallow him whole.
He wished this was all just a bad dream.
"I'll go if you want me to go," she said quietly. Remus couldn't tell what expression she was making because he couldn't bare to look at her. Pity, fear, disgust. He was sure he'd never recover if she was looking at him like that— "But I... I don't want to go."
His gaze darted from his hands to her face. She was biting on the inside of her cheek, her eyes wide and imploring and distracting. Slowly, it became easy to breathe again. The imprint of the blanket was fading from her cheek. Remus still wanted to rub it off.
"Okay," he acquiesced, the word coming out as a soft breath. She relaxed back into the chair. "I never wanted you to see me like this," he murmured quietly, feeling all too cracked open under her gaze.
"Remus," she began, also whispering as if not to break the fragile peace between them. His heart stuttered dangerously at the sound of his name from her lips, but he shouldered forward, adamant to not let himself start dreaming again.
"Have you... been well?" Remus asked, first as a deflection before he took in the shadows on her face. It was like once he started, he couldn't stop. "Have you been eating properly and sleeping enough—"
"Remus," she said again, this time more urgently and softly. "I got your letters."
Remus paused, his dry throat clicking as he swallowed. "So you knew the notes were from me," he murmured, rubbing at the base of his neck. "Sorry, I thought they would help, but I'll stop if you're uncomfortable—"
"No, I mean, I got your letters," she said, reaching into her book bag.
To his horror, she pulled out a stack of parchment. Some of them had were heavily creased from being balled up, but someone had carefully straightened them and piled them up. "You weren't supposed to see those," he blurted, mortified now. "I threw those away."
"I know," she said, her gaze fixed on the letters. They weren't really letters at all — he had never been able to get past how to address her. He could catch glimpses of his chicken scratch handwriting. Y/N. Dove. My sweet girl. Cariad. My love. Cariad. Cariad. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. "Lily gave them to me. She also gave me this—" Carefully, Y/N pulled another familiar piece of parchment from her bag. This one was filled and messy with different colored inks across time.
Remus's mouth went dry. He didn't need to look at it to know what it was because he had it memorized.
Ketchup and pepper with eggs (prefers sunny-side up)
Three younger brothers
Likes mum's knitted sweater the most -> owl mum how she did it??
No favorite color, but it's probably green and yellow??
Needs a midday nap most days
Likes long skirts (or is it because I complimented it?)
Y/N is Sisyphus and the question of orange juice or apple juice is the rock
Peonies
Chocolate frogs (non-jumping)
Always needs hair ties -> ask Lily if Hogsmeade has any
Tea = 3 sugars, lots of milk (prefers juice though)
Give notes for Ancient Runes
Find out if there are hair tying charms
Jane Austen
Christmas ideas: skirts, cat, necklace, journal, hair ties
"You weren't supposed to see that," he said again dumbly.
"I know," she said again. A pause. "I believe you."
Remus's head snapped up to see that she was looking at him. He was dreaming again. He shook himself out of it. "No, you don't have to," he said hastily.
"No, Remus, I believe you that it was real," she said, her words choppy as she wrung her hands together. He wanted to reach out and cover her hand with his but instead he sat perfectly still. "But I— But I was so hurt by you," she whispered.
"I'm so sorry," he said with every fiber of his being. "I was afraid and selfish and I hurt you and there's no forgiving that."
"But Remus," she said, looking up at him finally. "I've missed you. I miss you so much and I don't know what to do—" Her voice cracked. Remus felt like something in him cracked open again.
"Oh, cariad," he breathed. "Can I—" He faltered, but miraculously, she picked up on what he meant. Wordlessly, she surged into his arms and for the first time in weeks, he felt like he could breathe again. "I'm so sorry, my sweet girl," he murmured into her hair as he breathed in her familiar scent. "If... if you'll have me again, can we start over?"
"Only if it's for real this time," she mumbled into his shoulder with a dry huff of a laugh as she clutched him back. God, he missed her laugh.
He pressed a kiss against her temple, the first of many. "It's real. Very real."
Remus prayed he wasn't dreaming anymore.
— — — — —
a/n: thanks for reading :^) would love to hear thoughts! my masterlist here
1K notes · View notes
rwrbficrecs · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
First monthly faves for 2024 !! ❤️
Leave a message by @sherryvalli (book-verse)
@dot524: In the mood for some cute, heart-melting fluff? This is a one-shot that recounts Alex’s voicemail messages over the years from those who care about him - including Henry.
would you be my love, my love? (would you be mine) by ohprongs (book-verse)
@wilmonsfolklore: a strictly come dancing AU with a lot of feelings that I've been thinking about ever since i read it!!!
even though we know it isn't true by @matherines (book-verse)
@wilmonsfolklore: for everyone struggling with academic pressure, or anyone, really. it's pretty sad but of course there's comfort personified in Henry!!
beyond infatuation, how obsessively i adore you by @waterloolovers (book-verse)
@wilmonsfolklore: a new fandom classic if you ask me. Henry works at the daycare Alex's daughter goes to and their relationship progresses really naturally. the kid content in this fic is some of the cutest i have ever read and this is the perfect fic to go on your reread list for comfort.
And They Were Roommates by @14carrotghoul (book-verse)
@na-dineee: Alex and Henry get to know themselves and each other after they move in together. This story is not sugarcoated at all, very realistic - just how life is, and so so sweet. Also, unfortunately, rather short, but still worth the read - as are many other stories by this author, such as the 'Las flores' series.
Spirit of the Season by @pridepages (book-verse)
@heybuddy-drabbles: A little late to the game but I finally read E.J's Christmas story. Her way of story telling doesn't disappoint in this shorter tale (by her standards). It's not lighthearted and it touches some difficult topics (mostly canon) but it's all worth it because of the way they fall in love through Christmas Eve/night. Can't recommend it enough!
Where There Are Octobers by @iboatedhere (book-verse)
@na-dineee: 31 short chapters that are just really fun to read! Some are post-canon or canon-compliant, others are AUs - but in all of them the characters are so beautifully drawn, true to how we know and love them! A vet AU, a hospital AU, major fluff, even an X-Files AU - and who knows, maybe one or two dribbles will turn into more?! Fingers crossed!
The Art of Losing by bigfishbigpond (book-verse)
@dot524: If you think the mid-story breakup should have been longer and more angsty, here’s the story for you. An interesting and heartfelt story of what Henry and Alex are like apart, and what pulls them back together.
I know that you hate me (Do you though?) by @arand0mdutchgirl (book-verse)
@magnificentandcoolfez: A bit of good ADHD angst (with some comfort ofc). I like the focus on how hard adhd can be and it's a short and good read for those who like comfort that comes in the shape of your crush holding you until you feel grounded again.
blushing ears and beating hearts by @kill8a (book-verse)
@na-dineee: This story is not just slow burn, it is glacial burn. It's an college AU, set in New York, and so slow, so tender, so fluffy - after reading it I was floating on cloud 9 for quite a while. I don't know if you feel the same way, but it's funny how changing one given variable somehow changes the whole dynamic between the two of them. Or is it just me?! Either way, it's so wholesome to tag along as their love blossoms, I still feel so hugged and cared for.
all so human with our guards down by @maxbegone (book-verse)
@myheartalivewrites: a post-apocalyptic story that is unlike any other. There are no zombies or gore, but instead it focuses on rebuilding and the softest love growing between Alex and Henry, surrounded by family and friends. I kinda wanted to live there by the end of it.
The Snow Prince by @orchidscript (book-verse)
@zwiazdziarka: several fairy tale tropes meet to create this absolutely amazing story. It has dreaminess of a fable, best kind of yearning of your favourite slow burn fics and a little bit of adventure of a fantasy novel.
but to say that I'm a rainbow, to tell me that I'm bright (when I'm so used to feeling wrong, well, it helps me feel alright.) by What_Is_A_Mild_Opinion (book-verse)
@zwiazdziarka: Fandom is really sleeping on this one! This story is a canon rewrite with characters reimagined as creatures with animal characteristics. The wordbuilding is so fantastic that even if you are not a fan of long fics following canon step by step, it's absolutely worth to check this even for a chapter or two and get to know these wonderful versions of Alex and Henry. (Alex is literally rainbow.)
safe with me / more than I ever (in a thousand years)by @indomitable-love (book-verse)
@na-dineee: I think the author is very well known among all rwrb fanfic readers. I really, really liked these two stories, like a lot: Two 5+1 fics, one from Pez's point of view, the other from Bea's - unfortunately both characters are given too little attention in the book imho. As expected, both narrators are sharply observing, protective of Henry, loving, honest, tender - and you end up loving Henry (and Alex) even more.
check out our past Monthly Faves here ❤️
165 notes · View notes
galaxythreads · 1 year
Text
unhinged, unconnected thoughts about the Hunger Games 1-3:
Katniss is one of The best female characters I have ever read in my life
Peeta is the definition of sad, wet paper man
I AM SO GRATEFUL THERE WERE CONSQUENCES From the games!! Like Katniss has permanent hearing damage. PEETA lost his LEG
Katniss' severe PTSD was so harsh and brutal and so so so good
Haymitch was such a little guy and I adored him for that. What I really liked about his character was that like -- he survived the Hunger Games. This was not a good thing. He was devastated by the fact that his family was killed and the only way he coped with that was by drinking. There was no getting better. There was no magic fix. It didn't just go away. Then he had to train and prepare 20 kids to go fight in the Games just like he did, knowing that he was sending them all out to die or survive like he did, and I have to imagine that toward the end, Haymitch probably hoped they died. It was easier than living
The Capitol was absolutely horrifying
The PTSD from the Games was vivid and it was so nice to see that this horrible bad thing that happened to the characters didn't just go away because they were in another book. Like it impacted their choices forever
Katniss and Peeta about to take the berries reminded me of Romeo and Juliet and I think that was probably on purpose. Neither can live without the other.
KATNISS IS FREAKING SIXTEEN AND ACTS LIKE SHE'S SIXTEEN
Katniss runs off and screams and cries and breaks down and fails and makes selfish decisions and selfless decisions and like she is SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER. Like I Honestly didn't think there would be a female character that competed with Joan Watson for #1 female for me, but Katniss is like. She's up there.
Gale was overall meh to me. He was There, but the emotional impact he had on Katniss was overall... yeah. just dots.
I'm really glad that Katniss was able to heal enough after 15 years from the Games to have kids. She wanted kids, and the mothering instinct is there, but she didn't want to bring them into a world where they wouldn't be safe. But Katniss having kids means that she does feel safe.
"you love me. Fake or real?" "real"
"sweetheart"
I literally did not realize the Hunger Games was science fiction until I got like halfway through the second one and was like oh yeah, yeah this is science fiction.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THEY SENT THEM BACK TO THE GAMES IN BOOK 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
like all I'd heard about the Hunger Games was book 1, so everything after that to me was just ?????? and I was SO MAD but it made so much sense from the Capitol's perspective and I so wanted to strangle Snow.
District 13 overall annoyed me tbh, but I did get where they were coming from.
Everything in this series is so heavy. Like you feel the weight of the entire world just seeping down on you and it's actually kind of nice. I feel like the Hunger Games decided yeah, this is a dark, gloomy kinda world and then kept that tone. Books that keep the tone are SO RARE and i adore them.
PEETA PEETA PEETA
BREAD BOY
AMNEISA
PRIM DYING LIKE ???????????????????????? so good. So good. Like the whole reason Katniss went into the Games was to save her and like. She died anyway. Tragedy my beloved.
Katniss being so bad at speeches was absolutely hilarious. She is very much a speak from the heart kinda person and I'm glad that was never "fixed"
I love how a running theme in the series was that they have to document everything. There are video cameras everywhere, recording, always recording, and if they aren't it didn't happen. But Katniss is screaming IT HAPPENED IT HAPPENED anyway. Like with Rue's death.
I love that Peeta is so protective of Katniss, but would wholey hold her bow while she punched someone in the face. Like he's protective of her while respecting her strengths.
this series is dark, but I am going to reread this 4000000 times.
548 notes · View notes
lovelybrooke · 1 year
Text
I'm Your Sister (Platonic Yandere Ellie and Joel x reader)
Tumblr media
A/N: This is sorta kinda a continuation of Time for School, so I suggest you read that before reading this. Please like and reblog if you enjoy. Thank you!
You haven't talked to Ellie in a while, having purposely avoided her after you were grounded by Joel. In fact, you've been avoiding both of them, too afraid to confront them and their anger. You only came out of your room in order to get food, and even then, you eat alone upstairs when you can. When you can't, Joel is forcing you to eat with them, requiring you to deal with the awkward silence since you all refuse to talk.
However, you haven't been avoiding Ellie because you were upset with her. Yeah, you wished she would've defended you when you asked to start school, instead of questioning your motives, but you don't know what you expected. You were avoiding her because of the promise you made with her. You promised you wouldn't make any friends, and while you thought it was a joke, you know she takes promises seriously, and if she found out that you didn't keep your promise, she would hold it against you forever.
So, whenever Ellie was around, you did you best to keep out of her sights, darting around corners and slamming the door to your room shut when you saw her coming. You wished you could just talk to her, but your dispute with Joel still haunts you, and you don't want to say something to her in earnest only for her to tell Joel.
Because of all this, you didn't expect Ellie to wonder into your room one day when you were home alone. Whenever Joel grounded you, it meant that you would be locked into you room until he got back, so you were rightfully nervous when you heard the door unlock, spooking you from the book you were rereading for the millionth time. Ellie tiptoed into your room, attempting to make as little noise as possible. When she noticed that you were aware of her presence, she relaxed immensely.
"Hey." She stumbled out. You didn't respond, the words stuck in your throat. Your eyes didn't leave Ellie as she went to sit by you on your bed, she eyes drooping as you shift your body away from her.
"I just wanted to um...talk to you about what happened." She rubbed the back of her neck, clearly confused on what to say. "I... just." Her voice was quiet, and you had to move closer to actually hear her. "I don't want you to hate me." She sounded on the verge of tears and was focused on her hands in her lap.
The knot in your stomach tightened and the words, sad that she felt as though you hated her. "I don't hate you." The words came out quickly as you rushed over to console her, all your previous concerned melted away as you engulf her in a big hug. She didn't hug you back, but you could feel her lean into your embrace.
"I don't hate you." You repeated, looking at her face which held a forlorn gaze. "I just want to be independent from you and Joel." You let out a deep sigh, "I want to be able to do what I want without one of you interrogating me." You let out a little laugh, hoping to calm her down a little, but it didn't.
"Why though?" She questioned, moving her head to finally look at you. Her eyes were red, tears resting on her waterline. "We just want to protect you." Tears were beginning to pour out. "I can't... we can't handle losing someone else." At this point she was no longer whispering, and her voice was teetering on a sob. "I don't know what we do without you." Her head was back on your shoulder, you hand moving to smooth out her hair. Once her breathing calmed down, you murmured your response.
"Okay." You looked out of your window, the sun beaming on your face. "I won't bring it up again." You gave up.
Ellie let out a pleased noise as she wiped her eyes. You were tired, and Ellie could sense that, suggesting that you take a nap. You didn't know how long it was, but when you woke up the sun was setting and Joel was home, noting by your unlocked door. You could hear Ellie talking to him downstairs, and you could smell the food emanating from the kitchen, your mouth watering. However, you refused to leave your room until you were told to, so you remained where you were.
"Hey kid, dinners ready!" You heard Joel yell, causing your heartrate to increase. You knew he meant that he wanted you to eat with the family. So, you reluctantly removed yourself from your bed, stumbling out of your room and into the dining room.
The food was already prepared and on the table when you arrived. Ellie was already sitting down, and Joel was reprimanding her for eating before everyone was seated. It was the first time in a while that you've all ate as a family, it was kind of nice, not having to eat in your room, alone. You still dared not speak, especially about what happened between you and Ellie this morning.
Joel kept looking at you, watching as you slowly put the food in your mouth like you were weary of it. Ellie's gaze was darting in between you and Joel, like she was trying to get him to say something. Joel's brows furrowed as he set his knife and fork down, saying your name.
"So... you 'n Ellie are talking again?" He probed with a questioning look. You swallowed the food in your mouth before answering with a awkward look.
"Yeah..." You mumbled. He let out a hum, picking his fork back up and eating a piece of meat, nodding.
"That's good." He said as he swallowed. "You guys are siblings, you better act like it." His words weren't necessarily threatening, but you couldn't help but be scared. You gave him a slow nod and looked at Ellie, however, didn't seem bothered at all.
"Yeah, we talked this morning." She nodded along to her words, "sorted everything out." that was a big overgeneralization, but you didn't protest. Joel continued to eat as Ellie talked, every once in a while, quieting down for you to intervene. She even mentioned how Joel and her could start teaching you once your punishment was over, but you declined, saying you were over the idea of school, even if that wasn't true.
Eventually the plates were clean, and you were heading up to bed. Joel kissed your forehead, wishing you a good night while Ellie gave you a quick hug before going back to cleaning dishes.
Once you were upstairs and Joel was certain you were asleep, he went over to the sink to help Ellie while she was cleaning. There was a peaceful silence between them, both of them quickly falling into a routine of Ellie washing and Joel drying.
"They weren't trying to make you mad." Ellie suddenly spoke. Joel looked confused, prompting her to continue, "about school." Joel let out a huff, beginning to grip the dish in his hands until his knuckles went numb at the mention of school.
'I know." Was all he said. Ellie's interrogating look made him feel small. "I'm just scared." His force was small as well, afraid of the large meaning behind those words.
"I am too." Ellie gave him an understanding look, which made Joel feel better, but he couldn't help but think the worst. He imagined you leaving him for some kids you barely even knew. He imagined you getting hurt and him not being there to protect you. He imagined those no-good kids filling your heads with lies about him. About how he was dangerous, about how he hurt people, and how you would be better without him. Joel's stomach sank at the thoughts, the need to keep you away from the world and all its dangers increasing, but Ellie broke him out of his thoughts before he could do anything.
"But that's why we're here, right?" She smiled at him; face illuminated by the light above. "To protect them." He nodded.
"Yeah." He nodded again. "Yeah, to protect them."
The dishes were all cleaned and put away, Joel saying goodnight to Ellie as she went to bed. Joel walked past your door, opening it slowly and looking at your sleeping form. You were tranquil, you breath rising and falling in a calm rhythm. He slowly walked in closer to get a better look at you. He could only see a small portion of your face, the darkness enveloping you. Moments like this made him feel bad for all that he's done to you, but those feelings were washed away by the feeling of protectiveness. He had to protect you, protect this feeling. He knew lying to you was wrong, but if it meant keeping you safe then he would do it hundreds of times more.
Once he was sure you were okay, he went to his room to head to bed. Never once did regret lying to you. Never once did he regret keeping you locked up into your room. Never once did he regret telling Ellie about your new friends, fueling her to guilt you into forgetting about school. Because he knew what was best for you, and sometimes, it takes not telling the truth to get you to understand that.
A/N: this was meant to be Ellie focused but I'm not good at writing her, sorry. I will try to write something that focuses on her and readers relationship though, don't worry, it just might take me a while.
407 notes · View notes
ratllu · 2 years
Text
ADHD TIP!!!!!! hw :,)
1. make timelapses on your phone of u doing your work. this helps so much i cant even BEGIN to explain. it feels like im a little youtube with my life together, and i love the idea/aesthetic of people having video diaries so. it also helps me stay on task because ik that id hate to rewatch my videos and see that i was super unproductive, so it’s almost like performance anxiety but in a good way and it’s satisfying to see !! if u want i will post some of them           
2. SEPERATE YOUR BROWSERS! i use opera for my fun stuff (it’s basically just google marketed “for gamers” and it kinda slaps ngl) and ive got a rule that when im on chrome, im not allowed to use any of my time-sucking things (pinterest, tumblr, quora).’
3. when writing an essay, change the font and line spacing consistently. helps my brain by adding variety and avoiding the thing where u gotta reread the sentence 8 times only to forget it and read it again only to forget it and rea
4. when you have a writing assignment (can u tell im doing my english final rn) START IT ON PAPER. u gotta sit down with your notebook and the intent to write the draft of the essay on paper. ive found that pretty quickly, my hyperfocus will kick in and my brain will catch the drift of what we’re doing, which ends up prompting me to switch over to my computer.  ive got so many pages in my book rn that are just the first paragraph of a paper that end  abruptly as i get into the flow of things 
5. when typing, wear fingerless gloves. it helps man, trust me. it feels like all of my typing and writing energy is stored in my hands and the fingerless gloves kinda contain that energy. does that make sense. do you guys get that. i feel like u get it 
6. templates. something i struggle with is not really knowing how or where to start things, which templates have seemed to help with. for example if im writing a biography about someone, ill google biography templates and there will be an outline that works as the perfect guide. this tip is pretty universal and can benefit everyone, but it took me a while to figure out pls. outline = good
7. work in the dark/at night- though im sure a lot of us do this regardless, working in a situation that imitates/is nighttime is genuinely helpful for us. for me, working at night feels like a choice that i made on my own and without instruction from superiors, which is motivating for some reason. people with adhd (i think this might apply to other forms of nuerodiversity but im only certain about adhd) have circadian rhythms that naturally skew later, so working later instead of in the daytime might be the most productive time for u. 
also, i get that it’s good to avoid doing work in bed because associating a place of comfort with an activity of strain is probably Not the best, but sometimes, working in my bed is just what works best for me. it’s important to know yourself and trust what you need!! 
3K notes · View notes
magicalyaku · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
Hello and welcome to my 2023 reading wrap up! A big Thank You to everyone who followed my ramblings throughout the year! <3 I will continue through 2024. Maybe I'll learn how to write proper reviews, at least I'll try to remember better what I actually want to say about the stories. In 2022, I read 93 books plus my own. Guess how many it were in 2023? 93 plus my own!! xD That was huge coincidence and I love it. Of these 94 books, 4 are rereads (which won't be included in the "Favourite" sections), 2 are non-fiction, 11 are non-queer. I only DNFed 1 book (which is not pictured) and other than that I only disliked 6 books! (And it's a pretty soft dislike in comparison. I don't hate them nearly enough to want to shit on them again. :'D).
So on the the awards!
Most Read Author: KJ Charles (8 books)
Least Favourite Book: Daresh (Katja Brandis) (the one I could not finish for dear life)
Favourite Character: Brand (The Tarot Sequence) and Will (The Will Darling Adventures) (yes, there's a trend)
Favourite Covers (of books I read, not releases):
Tumblr media
(There were too many. D:)
Highest Emotional Investment (aka The Agony, the suffering, the why you do this to me Award): Dark Heir - The Scottish Boy - In Memoriam
Wildest Story: The Adventures of Pinocchio
Favourite Books:
The Devil's Luck (L.S. Baird)
The Scottish Boy (Alex de Campi)
In Memoriam (Alice Winn)
Just Lizzie (Karen Wilfried)
Dark Heir (C.S. Pacat)
The Will Darling Adventures (KJ Charles)
Gwen & Art are not in Love (Lex Croucher)
The Buried and the Bound (Rochelle Hassan)
More Books I enjoyed greatly:
Oracle of Senders series (Mere Joyce)
Of Feathers and Thorns (Kit Vincent)
Wren Martin Ruins it all (Amanda deWitt)
Simon Snow series (Rainbow Rowell)
The Five Stages of Andrew Brawley (Shaun David Hutchinson)
The Tarot Sequence (K.D. Edwards)
The First and Last Adventure of Kit Sawyer (S.E. Harmon)
Sixteen Souls (Rosie Talbot)
By any Other Name (Erin Cotter)
The High King's Golden Tongue (Megan Derr) and more!!
Most Used Name: I counted names last year and didn't want to do it again this year because I read so much fantasy, so the names were all over. Still, there was one who stood out amongst them all with at least 4 instances, if not more. Probably more.
Will
Congratulations. I have to admit, I've always liked that name. My favourite character of all times and part of my one and only OTP is named Will as well and I kinda hope the last book of their second trilogy never comes because it will probably make me scream and ... ...
Bonus! This year, I counted pages! Because I felt that most books were much shorter than what I read before. So I wanted to know. Turns out, my feeling was wrong. My 93 books had a whole of 33011 pages which results in approximately 350 pages per book. That's pretty normal I dare say.
That's it for 2023! I had a very good year in books. I wanted to read less actually, and failed spectacularly because I had too much fun. And if anyone's wondering how I read so much, I read fast and I just didn't do anything else in my free time. Escapism to the max. I hope, the new year treats you well! I hope, you have fun with the books you read! Let's meet again soon! <3
85 notes · View notes
alpaca-clouds · 5 months
Text
Why I have complicated feelings about the Witcher Games
Tumblr media
I started my yearly reread of the Witcher books and it once again reminds me of how complicated I feel about the Witcher games. Because... well, they kinda focus a lot on the power fantasy over the story and characters.
Let me quickly explain: I read the Witcher books when they released in Germany and I loved them, because... it literally was the first time outside of manga that I ever encountered queer characters in media, which meant a lot to my queer little self back then.
However, when the first game came out I did not make the connection between the title and the books I read. Like, the names vaguely rang a bell to me, but I really did not make the connection at first when playing that first game.
Now, back then I was still in my late teenage stage, and so back then the entire "sex minigame" with the sexy card collection was funny to me. It was before my feminism arc, so to speak. I just did not think too much about it.
By the time however that the second game came out I had rediscovered the books. And I found that... It really icked me. The entire sex thing. And also that they made Triss all sexy, completely ignoring that in the book she had this big disfiguring scar over her chest which could not be fixed because of her ALLERGY AGAINST MAGIC REMEDIES! But no, the game ignored that.
It should be said, I have... complicated feelings about Yennefer, which probably has to do a lot with internalized misogyny. But yes, I always liked Triss a lot, while... Ah, I just always got annoyed a lot with Yennefer taking so long to be honest about her feelings in the books. But again, probably internalized misogyny, I am honest.
Now, I had a ton of fun playing both Witcher 2 and Wild Hunt. I did. But when I was there, reading the books again, I could not help but very much just headcanon that those were two very, very different things. Because... well, the Witcher games are a cishet male power fantasy, while the books are anything what.
Geralt in the books is disabled because of his injuries, and marginalized because of his status as a witcher. And while the latter is vaguely hinted at in the game, it never really becomes a main theme. Because it would of course go against the power fantasy of it. And his disability? Yeah, that gets just fully ignored by the games. He is just very fit and very... everything. He is a walking, talking male power fantasy.
And that does do his character dirty in my point of view. It really does him dirty. Because that is not what Geralt is or stands for.
There is also the fact that the game turns the "women wanting to fuck him" into a part of the power fantasy, while in the books this very much is about him being objectified and fetishized.
And again, Triss gets to be conventionally attractive and her feelings for Geralt get turned into this love story, rather than this very awkward and kinda tragic one sided love, that made Geralt feel shitty for leading her on.
And I cannot help but be very frustrated with it. Because... Look, the books are not perfect. They are not. But... Geralt is such a wonderful character in them. A character with a lot of nuance. And I just hate how the games kinda did away with all of that nuance, so that the character could serve a power fantasy for white cishet dudes.
76 notes · View notes
percabeth4life · 3 months
Note
So, rereading stuff and I've come to a realization? epiphany? thought??? I dunno im tired and people wont stop setting off fireworks
But, idea. I feel like part of the reason why pjo feels so different from hoo and the rest is because had rick A Story he wanted to write in pjo and in the rest (except maybe the Egypt ones i never read those) he wanted to write a story. Like in pjo, it felt like the story was more important than the act of writing and in the others it feels he wanted to keep writing but didn't have a story in mind
Idk this probably makes no sense (fireworks, tierd) and I will most feel like an idiot for sending an ask like this. But That is and issue for morning time me.
No you're so right. PJO you can see there's a story he wants to tell, and we know that he was telling this story to his kid. Like it has it's flaws but it's cohesive, it's got a story and morals and goals-
HOO is kinda all over, he doesn't really know what he wants to say there. He's just writing for the sake of writing. And it shows in the quality and care given to the characters.
At this point he is openly admitting that he's writing for the sake of it, COTGs he's literally stated he was asked to write for the sake of taking advantage of the publicity of the show. He didn't even write TSATS himself, Mark during the book tours basically said that Rick just did plotting and editing and Mark did all the writing.
Rick doesn't care about the series anymore, and it's sad because I think he really should just move on. I miss the PJO quality.
56 notes · View notes
kittenwalker · 1 year
Text
a helping hand (kyle spencer) x (fem!reader)
Tumblr media
“ Hey get me another shot Frankenstein “ Madison shouted to Kyle, our butler, while holding up her shot glass
Kyle ran towards Madison and followed up with her request. All four witches in this academy were always treating Kyle like some dog, especially Zoe and Madison. Zoe and Kyle seemed to have something going on but looks like Zoe cut ties with him. You were always intrigued by Kyle, you wanted to help him. You wanted him to feel loved in a way.
You are the fifth and newest member of Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies. You arrived a couple of weeks ago and were starting to warm up to everyone but you weren’t fond of the other witches. It was kinda just you and yourself, you do share some glances with Kyle but nothing more. Even though you wanted more than that, you wanted to mean something to Kyle.
“Hey bitches listen up, there’s a party tonight anyone wanna join me? “ Madison announced making you look up from your food.
Everyone agreed to tag along except you, you weren’t really into parties. All the wild people and loud music scare you. So you decided to stay back to do some revising on magic.
“ You have no life y/n, “ Madison said chuckling
“ Nope just don’t like parties “ you shrugged
“ Alright then you’ll have to take care Kyle and make sure he doesn’t kill himself “ Zoe instructed 
You nodded and continued eating while the others chatted about the party. 
Walking up onto the spiral stairs, you entered your room to take a hot shower before checking on Kyle. When you came out from bathing the house was quiet, indicating that the four witches had left to attend their party. You wore your clothes and walked into your room, you saw Kyle sitting on your bed and you jumped getting scared by the sudden presence.
“ Kyle you scared me “ you laughed
“ s-s-sor-ry “ 
You stepped closer to him and a gush of his scent washed over you. You can smell sweat all over him so you asked.
“ Kyle, did you shower yet? “ 
“ I d-don’t kn-now how to, “ he said slurring his words
You instantly felt bad, you forgot Kyle was from the dead and can’t do normal basic things. But an idea surfaced in your mind, you ran over to your nightstand and took out your spell book. You were going to attempt to fix him.
Flipping through the book in a hast to find the spell that you vividly remember reading about. There you found it, page 364 titled ‘ bringing back a zombie’s sanity ‘. You needed the following ingredients to make this spell successful. Mud, dirt, water, mint leaves, rose petals, and a piece of the subject’s hair.
 Mixing all of the listed ingredients, put it over a fire to boil it. Then let the subject breathe in the substance for a minute. After that bind it all in with a kiss, this was pretty simple you thought as you reread it.
You collected all of the items and went back to your room eagerly, you wanted Kyle to have another chance to live normally again.
You and Kyle sat in the ring of candles surrounding you both. You started crushing the mint leaves and rose petals to dust then combining it in a pot with the mud, dirt, and water. You emit a small flame under the metal pot with your powers, making the substance boil.
“ Kyle, you need to inhale this substance for about a minute alright? “ 
He looked at you and then nodded, putting his head on top of the pot. After a minute or so you needed to move on to the next step, kissing him. You were quite nervous but you do want to kiss Kyle just not expecting your first kiss to be like this.
“ Okay Kyle now we need to kiss now “ 
He looked up and it seemed like his eye lit up hearing it. You leaned into him pecking at his delicate soft lips but the short peck became a full kiss. You pulled away and put out the flame asking how Kyle felt. He tested his voice and it seems to have worked. He wasn’t stuttering anymore, it made you smile to know that it work. Before you knew it, Kyle was engulfing his large hands around your body thanking you.
“ Thank you y/n, I couldn’t be more grateful “
“ Of course, I’m happy to help “ 
Kyle pulled his head back to face you, hands still on your waist. You stared into his dark brown eyes then slowly moved to his lips, gosh you just wanted to kiss him. The kiss you shared with him earlier only made you crave more, bravery took over your mind and you smashed your lips against his. 
His soft plush lips started to move against yours, his tongue inviting itself into your mouth. You both break away to catch your breaths and you watched as a smirk took over his lips.
“ That wasn’t part of the spell but I liked it “
1K notes · View notes