#i haven't even fully formed my band yet but

[biblicalhrt]

bf who plays in some small punk-rock band and bf who goes insane in the pit and always tells everyone around him, "hey, that guy up there is My boyfriend!!!"

#mlm #nblm #mlm yearning #nblm yearning #mlm thoughts #nblm thoughts #gay mlm #t4t mlm #t4t nblm #me and who when #i haven't even fully formed my band yet but #i just want a man who'll always be at barricade bragging about me

[gayroman]

RELEASE THE AUGUST CUT!!!! (tbhc doc)

OKAY SO the document has some incredibly embarrassing notes and ideas + its linked to my email with my full name so i'm not gonna share a link to it BUT here are some screenshots from it + pictures and stuff

re-reading some of these, i have no idea what the fuck i was talking about

i have no idea when these photos are from but they are sooooo tbhc the frontman #To Me

i liked the idea of the frontman coming with his band to the moon and being the in-house lounge band, (hence part one being "lounge singer shimmer") and playing there for a while. the part in star treatment about being a little too wild in the 70s, i think, could be imagined as the frontman is now a little past his peak - or at least, this is how the public/audience sees him. which i say because i think that a lot what builds up the character is the perception of how they are viewed by the people who consume the product, in this case, the art and the singer. i was reading annotations of tbhc songs on genius.com and i found this one for the lyric "maybe i was a little too wild in the 70s" that i wanted to use a bit as a background for the character: Alex Turner himself could never have been too wild in the 1970s; he was born in 1986. As such, here he is most likely playing the role of an aging rock star whose career peaked in the 70s and is now forced to get by as the resident singer at the futuristic Tranquillity Base Hotel and Casino on the moon. This narrator crops up a number times across the record and is used to draw parallels between his form of isolation and that of Turner.

i didn't want to see it as "forced" to take the job as the lounge singer, but instead as a way to seperate from earth, and who the singer was in the 70s - too wild. to be able to become a more refined artist (for lack of a better word). it might've been a post from you, or from a mutual or something, that talked about how alex turner will sing about the melacholia of achiving your dreams and the sadness that can come with that. i can't find the post but i do think this idea is very interesting, and can lend into the characterization of the frontman, and what drives his emotions. genius says this about star treatment: Turner personifies a washed up lead of the fictional band The Martini Police, and crafts a rich metaphor for how idolized celebrities are never seen except from a distance, similar to the light of a star. i think that the frontman should feel very disconnected to the people around him, less so to his band, but especially the guests at the hotel. just like how the monkeys went from am to tbhc, i wanted to add that a bit to the plot. the frontman, now sliding away from the 70s persona he had, wants to branch out and try something new. but sex sells! even though he no longer wants to be that guy, or play that role, he still wants to make something people will love. so its a bit about deciding to just do your own thing and create the art that you want to create without the worry of what the consumers will think. art, not a product.

i hope this makes sense. please tell me to shut up if it doesn't.

i also wanted to play a bit into the idea of double lives, and personas and playing character, although i haven't quite worked that out yet fully. that's why i called part seven i think it was??? "i suppose a singer must die." i also considered using "what a death i died."

i think also themes from the car can also be pulled into this, because i think, more than any other two am albums, the car and tbhc are a little connected. with mr schwartz and how he, the actor mr schwartz, is connected very much to the people working on the set, who help him get into character. big ideas with coming up with something new and being excited about it. "your horrible new sound" lyric in sculptures of anything goes. the lyric about keeping on the costume to use as a writing tool in body paint. themes of being a performer rather than being a lover and being in love. but idk man, maybe this makes no sense at all. but the car and tbhc are sister albums To Me because they are my two favourite am albums and they will always be loved by me. ALSO pretty visitors and the look into fame at such a young age. also the dream synopsis and the bourne identity by tlsp.

i also thought a bit about how the hotel might look. the taquería - "the information action ratio", a lounge, obviously, where they will perform, a pool, a spa, all that stuff. so its most like a resort than a hotel. and i thought the line "everybody's on a barge /floating down the endless stream of great tv" and the idea of giving the hotel a little movie theater called "the barge" as a little nod to the lyric. visually, 2001: a space odyssey is, of course, a huge inspiration in terms of looks. i don't know if you've seen 2001 but there's this spot on a space station where its all very white and blank except for massive, bright red chairs. i like the idea of decor like that, maybe even a spot just like that, to pay homage to the film. i think also "retro realism" is a good jumping point. how people from 50 years ago imagined what the future would be like. blade runner, that sort of thing.

i think also "retro realism" is a good jumping point. how people from 50 years ago imagined what the future would be like. blade runner, that sort of thing. 1950s astropunk. taking inspiration from older science fiction movies rather than newer ones. also vintage interiors and hotels that look like the one in the shining.

i did also think about the idea of leaning more into a horror, like psychological, but i think it should be more of a study in character. a tbhc horror film would still be cool though.

so yeah. idk if any of this makes sense and maybe i'm off my rocker and don't understand the album at all. but it's a little fun to think about.

#do with it what you will #friend who got me into am is for sure regretting it because i have since become the most annoying person alive #did not mean to make this so long omg #my tbhc tag is essentially inspiration for it visually and all that stuff #i also wanted to play a bit with a romance since alex aludes a lot to a love he lost or someone he longs for still #but more on that another time! #i also made a playlist for it but its a little silly and all over the place #tbhc #gonna have to add all this stuff to the document actually since i kinda went off book #but anyways yeah hope you like it #asks

[mlynar-nearl]

Hello! Hi, I promised some song recs, so here I am. I have a short Młynar playlist myself, but the catch is I keep the songs Polish-only for immersion, hah. I can quickly translate all of them for you though, so! If you'd like a full eng translation of any of those, lmk! This is getting a little long let me readmore this.

Wieża radości, wieża samotności by Sztywny Pal Azji (Tower of happiness, tower of loneliness). I see this song as very reminiscent of his mental state during his worst years, particularly the lyrics "I live in a high tower, it will defend me / I don't fight with anyone anymore, I don't fight for anything / On a stake are burning all my ideals", as a window into both his isolation and desolation, yet the chorus in itself is almost desperate for some form of getting out of it.

Next up, Chcemy być sobą by Perfect (We want to be ourselves). As the title suggests, it's a song about holding onto hope that one day the singer can simply be himself.. In regards to Młynar, the first verse in particular feels on-brand for him, as it describes a normal, mundane morning of bread, coffee, and a newspaper, before the singer describes throwing the mug at the wall and grabbing the first person he sees to yell at him I want to be myself yet, I want to be myself at last.

Halfway thru! Told you this is a long one haha. Jeszcze będzie przepięknie by Tilt (It will be beautiful yet). This is a very slow and quite a sad song, however it is ultimately about holding onto hope that one day, things will be beautiful, and normal. It opens with a very solemn description of the millions of faces and pains the singer has perceived, before it slowly shifts to a quiet, gradually building up chant of "It will be beautiful yet / It will be normal yet".

Last but not least, a shippy song, so Toland & Młynar get Na zawsze i na wieczność by Wilki (Forever and ever). It's a song about meeting someone for the first time... in the rain. It also has banger lyrics of "Our eyes finally met, like reflections of lost stars / You were close, I understood it all / The one who leaves will always be alone."

I have more but this ask is way too long haha. Have a nice listen, if you do!

it makes me grin like an idiot that "mlynar nearl music from polish bands" is now a genre of ask i get. sure i've gotten it twice now, but both times i've had so much fun and felt so Seen (pos) by other arknights fans that it's always a joy to get more. i really do love listening to non-english music! i'm one of those nerds who would love the power to speak any language fluently. i'm going to start rambling about how cool linguistics is to me if i keep offering my thanks for these so i won't do that and will just get to the point.

sorry if any of this is incoherent, i have mlynar nearl based autism and i haven't eaten anything all day.

first: OHHHH this is so perfect for how he thinks and feels and tries to pretend he is. i say pretend because he's not very good at making it perfectly that he is that person who doesn't care anymore. it's a very good mask, but it does slip, and it slips enough in narrative that we can say with confidence it's a lie he tells himself to try and survive. it's really difficult to be someone who cares but is so inherently helpless, especially when he inevitably has children and a family to care for. he has more going for him than the average kazimierzan, but in terms of what he can get away with, it's a lot less than a lot of people seem to think he's capable of. he tries so hard to be jaded and in some ways he is, in others, he can't fully desensitize himself to the suffering of others and the fact that he has beliefs of his own. and of course, how he would like to stop being in this in between place, but has no idea how to even get out of it after so many years painting himself into being the callous one out of his family.

second: that perfectly flows into this one genuinely. i like the calm beat of it and the flow of the music -u-

it makes me think of post-obscure wanderer where he has a motive to want to get better, to try something else in his life. he has a lot going on and i think an important choice made in OW for him is to decide to put effort into life, something he hasn't really done for a long time thanks to his crushing depression. the idea that everyone kind of refers to with him in canon, especially to some extent that toland and czcibor touch on in NL and OW respectively, that mlynar nearl is not the person we get to see so far, and that he used to be someone else- someone who could, possibly, come back.

third: OOBH this is also good for the similar themes above. it feels a lot like. like. the imagery of him traveling thru kazimierz before and after OW looking for schnitz and yolanta and how he says at the end of OW that whatever hope he's had over the last decade or so barely compares to how he feels right now when he has the little hint czcibor gave him. which is depressing in the context of how little that hint was, but sweet in the context of...it's such a huge improvement for him. he can do better. he's going to do better. there's hope for him! aaah!!! i'm so Normal!!!!

fourth: SHIP MUSIC LET'S GO i'm so normal about these two in a romantic context Genuinely they're so fascinating and so in love. imagery of light and stars always goes miles and miles with them, especially because of toland's description of the night they met, mlynar's rain themes, and how light and rain play against each other visually. and "the one who leaves will always be alone" NGNGNH mlynar having to leave and being ultimately more alone for how nobody in the city or in his family really understands his perspective on things, let alone the way toland does. they have such a unique relationship where they're two of the only people who truly understand each other on a deep emotional level. even their other old friends as far as we know, ie, czcibor, can't actually say they understand either one of them very well. they interface and communicate as people in such a distinct way that even the reader looking at their conversations has to pick out piece by piece what they're really saying, because their conversations flow so well and so subtly. ugh. i love them, i love their nonverbal and between-the-lines communications, and how much they are, in their own ways, a little bit emotionally diminished without each other. because they love and miss each other! auauhghughh!! <- the autism takes over

#ash answers #jagopolis #should i tag when i receive music recs? hm #ak #mytol #long post

[synesthesiac31]

  *If the song doesn't play immediately, skip ahead to the next song, it should be there. Forgive my tumblr ignorance, I'm new to the platform.

Synesthesia is one of those things that you just have to experience to fully understand it. I am not sure how much of the population experiences this, but it does not seem to be a significant proportion. I can only hope to articulate these bouts through these posts in this blog. Even then, I am limited by the human language, the English vocabulary. These posts are my attempts at doing so.

A lot of different textures come with this extra sense. The senses become enmeshed in each other. Above all that, it makes perfect sense to anyone who experiences it. It is hearing the color green. It is the number One smelling or tasting like peach. It is the musical notes coming together to paint the picture of a forest. At least, that's what it is for me. The enmeshment of my senses start to become one when I am seriously digging a piece of music. When I am really grooving to a song, that's when the notes begin to take the form of some sort of landscape...usually.

The song I am going to begin with is "Phototropic" by the band Kyuss. The band was one of the main pioneers of the desert rock scene in California during the 90s. That gave birth to stoner rock, space rock, psychadelic rock, and the likes. This band is no longer together but continues to be a staple in the doom metal scene. If you haven't heard them I suggest you take a listen. I've linked the song for your listening pleasure. This song gets regular rotation in my life.

    To my senses, this song has the sound of water. The way the water flows in a small creek. The kind of creek you find in the canyons of the Arizona desert, right after it rains. This song defines the ripples in the water as it moves from the top of a mountain, moving down stream, catching momentum as it flows over the rocks. 

  0:03 - It has the sound of the light flow of water as it begins to collect as it is raining. The dry desert ground is being saturated and absorbed by the earth. The more it rains, there begins a pool of water in a crevice of rocks.

0:55 - The collection of water begins to overflow and wash over the sides of the rock formations. That trickles down the sand and dirt and onto other rock formations. That tiny creek begins to form where all other streams have formed during other rains. Replenishment for the dry desert. The water flows in, over, under, through, around down the side of the mountain. It hasn't been touched by human hands yet. It is pure and clean. 

1:05 - The inflections of the notes are the sun glistening and reflecting off of the clear, clean liquid. The sound of the flowing bass is the form the water takes as it flows over the rocks, ever so clear. The electric sounds of the guitar are the twists and turns the water takes as the speed begins to build downstream. 

2:09 - There is now enough momentum to create falls of clear liquid that is Life itself. It nourishes everything it touches along the way. It is so powerful that it can be both the Bringer of Life and the Bringer of Death. So precious that it will start and maintain all life here on Mother Earth, yet so dangerous that it can take any form to wipe out life if the Mother needed it to.

2:34 - The water races down, sloshes and flows to bring life to those that need it in the desert heat. It continues to form around all solid forms, leaping up or down to touch those in need. 

3:24 - Who knows how long it has been since the last rains? That trickle or puddle is now a full blown river moving faster than one could realize. It has enough strength to move the earth underneath you. It is to be appreciated with all its gifts and might. Life or death? Choose wisely.   

This song is entirely too short. 

#synesthesia #synesthete #kyuss #phototropic #nature #water #Spotify

[sword-swallower-pin]

@about-this-girl95​ Oh I 100% agree that Too Many People is the result of Paul's frustration with the whole Break-up/Lennon Remembers situation, and i think it was meant to be barbed and hurtful (probably in ways we haven't even guessed yet, given that it was meant to be understood by John and John only).

What i mean by saying that Paul's original intent behind TMP (specifically the "I find my love awake' line) may differ from John's interpretation of it is that I personally have never been sure if Paul:

A) actually knows the depth, power, and potential nonplatonic-ness of John's feelings towards him and outwordly rejected them

or if B) John and Paul's communication skills where so dire by that point that John "Talking is the slowest form of communication anyway" Lennon simply announced his feelings to Paul via vibes and vague comments so therefore failed to actually inform Paul "the most oblivious man on the planet" McCartney of anything, then took Paul's leaving India as a rejection and acted accordingly (resentment, Yoko, breaking up the band etc.) while Paul just guessed at the motivations behind John's behaviour and was never fully aware of the romantic element on John's side of the relationship (that's not to say the romantic element was completely unrequited, i just think Paul was less aware of it than John was)

Because if the situation is the latter, Paul and John are naturally going to have very different ideas of why the break-up happened and very different interpretations of each others lyrics.

The I find my love awake line in TMP may well have been meant by Paul to mean "Well I'm happy and loving life with my wonderful new wife so you can't get me down with your public rants about me" but could easily be understood by a paranoid John as a line that rubs his nose in the fact that Paul is in love with Linda rather than him. It could also mean that Dear Boy, a song not even written to John, could be perceived as similarly mocking. Or that a semi-harmless photograph of two beetles mating on the album sleave goes from "Fuck the Beatles, its Paul and Linda time" in Paul's mind to "I bet you wish this was us, don't you?" In John's.

Overall I think Paul’s true motivation behind the lyrics to John on RAM is very difficult to know (Because he’s just not as publicly reactive as John) though I do think there is a possibility that songs that were mean and meant to convey “Piss off John” could have been interpreted by John into something far more cruel and uncaring than was intended by Paul, something that would prove to John that Paul never loved him and would understandably provoke a reaction like HDYS.

(obviously this is just my subjective guess based on the fact that they seem to be operating under two different sets of assumptions a lot of the time, with Paul seemingly genuinely shocked at how much hurt John felt i.e “People keep on saying I hurt him, but where's the examples, when did I do it? No one ever says. It's just always the same, blaming me. Could I have hurt John MORE than anyone in the world? More than the person who ran down Julia in his car?”. But y’know who’s to say?)

#whoops this is long #paul mccartney #john lennon #john and paul #lennon/mccartney #the beatles #classic rock #mclennon #// long post

[whosaskingwrites]

Fickle Love (Akaashi x Reader x Bokuto)

A/N: So this was supposed to be for Akaashi's birthday...whoops. But its here now lmao ngl I just kinda wrote with no idea in mind and this is what ended happening so yeah. Hope you enjoy and happy late birthday to Akaashi 💞

Details: 7.8 pages 2,758 words

Date: December 8th, 2020

Warnings: Mentions of poly relationships I guess, angst if you squint, Gn! Reader not really a warning but I didn't know where else to put it

Theme: Akaashi wasn't the best when it came to love. Having a habit of ignoring you and burying himself in work. Leading you to turn to Bokuto which leads to some revelations and a question for Akaashi.

Love was a fickle thing Akaashi knew. People fell in and out of love all the time so he never trusted love. He didn't want love he wanted to avoid it. Avoid the heartbreak he was positive would follow. But instead he met you a bright-eyed student in his class. It took almost nothing for you to mesh yourself into his life completely and making yourself comfortable like you belonged there.

It took even less time for you to weasel your way into his heart and make yourself comfortable. Only a year after you'd met and he asked you out deciding that love may not have been as fickle as he thought.

Four years later and he knew he had been wrong love was indeed fickle and his proof was in the sight across the street from him. There you stood hands clasped around Bokuto's as he kissed your cheek. He waved before running off and Akaashi rushed home preparing for the worst.

A few hours later you slipped through the door "Keiji? I'm home!" You called hearing the soft pads of feet come up to you. Love was fickle he knew you were going to lie when he asked his next question "Hey Y/n. What did you do today?" You suprised him though. Only after you'd gotten over the shock of being called Y/n and not darling.

"I went to lunch with Bokuto today," You said happily slipping off your coat and hanging it up. He certainly didn't expect you to be honest about what you did today. He loosened up a tad bit in response "Oh? Why?" You laughed at his question "Bo needs contact with us you know that. But you haven't been answering his calls so we went shopping and I filled him in on how you were. Afterwards I treated him to lunch as a thank you," You smiled up at him eyes bright with nothing hidden.

"Yeah? Did you guys hold hands so he wouldn't lose you?" He joked and you shook your head "He grabbed my hands at the end of lunch because I promised him I'd bring you next time," you had laughed remembering the incident. Relief flooded him then no of course you weren't cheating on him that'd be insane. You were as loyal as Bokuto was plus he couldn't keep a secret to save his life and neither could you. He relaxed as he realized how wrong he was to assume something.

"Im sorry," He said suddenly while you tilted your head in confusion. "What for?" You had asked before Akaashi leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "I forgot to give you your welcome home kiss," He rolled off casually hiding the fear he'd felt earlier. This fear had only continued to grow as the days went on but it was his fault anyway.

_______________________________________________________

"Keiji are you free today?" "No I'm busy," "Oh...Okay," 

"Keiji we haven't gone on a date in weeks!" "Im not stopping you from going out somewhere," "I want to go out with you though,"

"Keiji-" "Im busy Y/n,"

Two weeks this cycle continued as you walked to Akaashi's at home office. Two taps against the door and you opened it "Kei-" His eyes snapped up frustration was on his face but he took a breath before it faded. "What?" You sighed turning to leave again "...Im going out to lunch with Kotaro again. He says hi by the way," You left the room quickly and Akaashi blinked 'Kotaro?' Surely you meant Bokuto but there was no way you two were on a first name basis it'd only been a few days since the last lunch.

His eyes landed on the calender and he froze what had only been a few days to him was actually two weeks but still too short for a first name basis. You'd only know Bokuto for a few months and he'd known the male for years and still never used his first name.

He sighed returning to his work. He'd question you when you got back from lunch he didn't have the time to right now. Nor did he know your location so going to find you was like a needle in a haystack. A very big bustling city of a haystack and the needle being you with a slightly bigger needle in the shape of a volleyball player next to you.

He continued work for a few hours before his office door was thrown open. He expected many things when he looked up but he didn't expect Bokuto. But what got him was the fact that Bokuto was furious it was a look he'd never seen before on him. The glare he had on his face was enough to make Akaashi freeze. 

He knew Bokuto was typically happy like a dog but right now he felt fearful since now he staring down an angry German Shepard who was defending their owner. It was silent for a long moment before Bokuto spoke. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Akaashi felt his blood turn to ice at the tone Bokuto used.

"W-what?" He cursed silently at his own stutter Bokuto would latch onto the weakness he showed. "Whats today Akaashi?" Bokuto had asked in that same icy tone. It was so razor sharp and cold that Akaashi was convinced the room cooled and ten degrees.

"...Its December 1st Bokuto-san," He elected to answer the question instead of ask why Bokuto didn't call him Keiji. Based on the mood Bokuto was displaying he didn't expect to be called Keiji. However supplying the date only seemed to rile him up more as his glare sharpened.

Akaashi shivered involuntarily at it "Are you forgetting something?" He barked out and it was then that Akaashi realized Bokuto hadn't blinked yet. "No," he was confident in the answer. Your birthday wasn't until b/d and his was in four days. Bokutos had already passed but said male wouldn't have been mad at him. Sad maybe but not mad.

"Oh really? Then tell me why Y/n is at my place crying because you forgot that today is your anniversary," Bokuto had stepped towards him in anger and Akaashi took in involuntarily step back in fear. "They're at your place?" Akaashi asked and Bokutos jaw clenched.

"Yeah. And they are going to stay there until you sort yourself out," Bokuto growled turning and slamming the door closed with enough force to crack it. Akaashi stood frozen for a few extra moments trying to regain his composure after being afraid. He shook his head as he processed Bokuto's last sentence.

No you'd always come back to him, even if a fight had broken out between him and you, you would always come back. You had to come back he was your fiancé and the wedding was going to be in the upcoming w/f/s/s so he continued to work shaking off his encounter with Bokuto that had manage to worm a tiny bit of fear back into his heart.

__________________________________________________

Akaashi didn't fully leave his office again until December 5th. He'd left it plenty of times before then but only for something quick eat or the bathroom or something to drink. In these moments he never bothered to look around the place but now on his birthday he did.

He expected to be greeted by your sparkling voice like you had done for the past four years but instead the house was silent. "Y/n?" He called out walking around the house was still perfectly clean. The last time he could recall hearing you was on the first with the vacuum running and the patter of your feet running around.

Since then he realizes the house had been silent except for his movements. As he walked into the dining room something glinted on the table in the early morning light. When he turned to look he froze there was your engagement ring. The thin band of silver sat there almost mockingly on a yellow sticky note.

He picked up the note and written on it were a few simple words. 'They aren't coming home - Bokuto' his brain filled in the missing words Bokuto had told him a few days ago "Not until I fix myself," he mumbled thumbing at the sticky in his hands. He knew what Bokuto meant he'd been borderline ignoring you for weeks to work.

Thoughts of your anniversary had left his mind but he didn't think it was that bad until right now. Forgetting had been the final nail in the coffin for you but he still had a chance. You weren't gone forever just temporarily misplaced. He rushed to shower and go buy flowers his brain running a mile a minute trying to figure out how to get you back and apologize.

He felt nervous and he was unsure of why until he remembered where you had taken up residence. Bokuto had never been scary to him, just a bright ball of happiness but the fear Bokuto had instilled in him a few days ago had lingered, and he was about to walk right into the lion's den.

__________________________________________________

He couldn't see you as he approached the door. Maybe you were tucked away upstairs or in a place the windows didn't show but he'd seen Bokuto. The male was pacing clearly on edge and definitely dangerous but Akaashi would have to face him sooner or later so with a shaking hand he knocked.

Only half a second later the door swung open and Bokuto stood there mouth set in a hard line. Akaashi fought to supress the shiver that wanted to trail up his spine. "Is Y/n here?" He asked and once again cursed himself for sounding so meek. It was just Bokuto he wouldn't hurt him the man couldn't even hurt a fly! Although that sentiment didn't hold much when he felt like he was staring down the loaded barrel of a gun.

"Yes," Bokuto answered after a few beats of silence. His eyes raked over Akaashi's form judging him and seeing if he was ready to have Y/n back. "Can I see them? I'd like to talk," He was definitely playing with fire when Bokuto looked back up at his eyes. "About what?" He asked lowly Akaashi noted that Bokuto was staying quiet which meant you had to be downstairs. "I'd like to apologize for ignoring them and forgetting our anniversary," Bokuto nodded once before swinging the door closed.

He blinked in mild suprise "Bo-Bokuto-san?" He questioned wondering where he went wrong that warranted the door being closed. He was about to knock again when the door opened revealing you. Your h/c hair was slightly messy and e/c eyes half lidded in sleep.

What Akaashi didn't like was the MSBY jersey that swallowed you figure. The number 12 emblazoned on the front and long enough to cover your thighs. He couldn't tell if you were wearing pants but he hoped you did. You never walked around his house like this unless it was after a fun night but he couldn't assume things. Not now and he especially couldn't accuse you of cheating when Bokuto was on the staircase right behind you.

He could see that the golden eyed male was poised to attack when the conversation would start heading south. You tilted your head in confusion "Hello Akaashi," You had mumbled and he did flinch then. No pet names or his first name no, you had decided on formal. "Hi darling," He whispered the pet name but you merely shook your head.

"Why are you here?" The genuine confusion on your face made Akaashi feel a lot worse about everything. "Im here to apologize and seeing as its my birthday id like my present from you to be going on one date with me," He said slowly "Please," was tacked on as an afterthought. You turned your head eyes meeting Bokuto's and Akaashi hated the jealousy that crawled up his spine when his eyes softened.

"Um actually Akaashi I wanted to talk to you about something," Your hands had balled into fists tightly gripping the hem of the shirt you wore. A nervous habit you had whenever something scared you. He felt his heart drop in response to those words and you shook your head. "No no! It's nothing bad- well I guess that depends on how you feel about it," You were quick to try and sooth him and Akaashis heart swelled at the fact that right now even if you weren't getting along you still worried about him.

He didn't even realize you had led him inside until he was on the couch. His eyes trailed over you figure as you sat across from him. The shirt rode up enough exposing part of your thigh and Akaashi could see the hem of a pair of shorts. They followed their path until his eyes rested on the new gold band around your ring finger. It was decorated in a series of small gems that were the same blue as his eyes and he took a deep breath.

"What is it?" He lightly questioned when the silence began suffocating him. Bokuto was behind him somewhere he felt the stare being burned into his back. The second this conversation possibly turned south Bokuto was ready to jump in. "Well...I was wondering how you felt about the two of us becoming um...three of us?" You looked down afterwards hands nervously ringing together.

"...three of us?" He wanted more clarification were you implying a kid or something else? You hummed meeting his eyes before they flickered to the male that was behind him 'oh' it pieced itself together then. You were implying a poly relationship with him and Bokuto. He must have been quiet for too long since your hands began rubbing at your sides.

He scrambled for an answer he knew he was unbothered by it but this was...The two of you were only a few months away from getting married and you wanted to add Bokuto into the mix? Now of all times? He took a shuttering breath as he thought.

"Well...I guess I have to call the restaurant and tell them to change the reservation for three people then," he offered a small smile and your head whipped up. "Really?" You whispered and he could only supply a nod. 

"Yeah now when I'm busy with work the both of you can harass me into taking a break," it was a poor attempt at a joke but you had laughed anyway. He heard a chuckle from behind him as well and he breathed out a sigh of relief. "Keiji are you sure? I don't wanna make you uncomfortable or anything...," you trailed off and he smiled "im sure but are you sure about Bokuto? Hes a little chaotic," He asked "Hey!" Bokuto had an immediate reaction to the accusation.

You laughed reaching out and taking his hand "So is it a fancy dinner place?" You asked as Bokuto came over to take your free hand. He watched your thumb move back and forth across Bokutos hand a comforting gesture and he noticed the minute shake of Bokuto's hand. Unconsciously he reached out with his free hand and took Bokuto's which seemed to startle him slightly as wide gold eyes met his.

Akaashi gave a light squeeze and Bokuto settled with a sigh. "Its the restaurant I originally proposed at so yeah I'd go with fancy," he answered after a second. "You're making me get dressed up for your birthday dinner? Despicable really," you dramatically sighed and he found himself laughing. "Well I suppose we don't have to go since you've already given me the best present I could ask for today," He smiled tilting his head to the side and looking at Bokuto who was sitting cross-legged on the floor with a look of concern on his face.

"You alright Bo?" He looked up at the unfamiliar nickname eyes meeting Akaashi's once again. "M'fine just...I don't own a suit," He said quietly. The silence that stretched afterwards for a long moment before you broke it. "Kotaro what do you mean you don't own a suit you're a professional athlete!" "It wasn't an issue until now!" He shouted back love was fickle yes but as he watched you and Bokuto interact he knew

It was fickle but he wouldn't trade it in for anything.

#haikyu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #whosaskingfluff #akaashi x reader #koutarou bokuto #keiji akaashi #bokuto x reader #bokuto fluff #akaashi fluff

[a-mended-pact]

Unsteady Keys: Chapter 9

A/n: Hey everyone. I hope you're all doing well. I'm pretty proud of this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

Warnings: this chapter does contain flashbacks, mentions of slightly toxic relationships. Mentions of Spencer's mom. Panic attacks. If there are anything more to add let me know

Requests are open

Word count : 3,024

It's been a couple of hours since we've gotten to work. I couldn't find Spencer anywhere. I needed to tell him that there was a lead on Lindsey due to Simmons giving Ethan a cognitive interview. I had called him a handful of times and gotten no answer.  Which is weird but with everything that's happened he has every right to have some alone time. I was still trying to call him when I found him in Morgan's old office. I don't know why I checked the cafeteria and the break room first. I felt myself facepalm as I looked around the room. 

He was in a daze and hadn't even noticed my presence until I moved myself into the floor across from him. I leaned against the desk for support as I looked up at him. He glanced at me and then looked away. The hand he was using to prop his head up seemed to tense. 

'You smell like mint and your cologne.' I said it with a small amount of amusement.  I knew he would change. It didn't bother me if anything. I'm surprised he even went to work with the smell of my essence laced into his skin and his breath. He nodded to acknowledge what I had said. 

'Love? Is everything alright?' He looked at me then and held my gaze. 'I know I said I'd talk to Ethan too but I can't seem to bring myself to. Seeing him for longer than a couple of hours has me remembering things with him so intensely.' 

A soft comforting smile formed on my face as I gently grabbed the hand that rested on his knee and squeezed. 'There's a lead on Lindsey.  I was going to leave with the rest of the team to go check it out. If you wanna stay here I can tell Em. Maybe you can get something more from Ethan. Then Matt did. ' I kissed his forehead gently.

Just like that. I left him to his own devices letting him figure everything out for himself.  I was gonna need to tell Em he wasn't coming.

-------------

I walked into the interrogation room with Ethan and undid his handcuffs immediately.  I didn't like seeing him like an unsub. So until further evidence came about I wasn't going to treat him as such. 

'You look like you've seen a ghost Reid.  What's wrong?' I looked at him as I stood against the wall. 'Did- did you?- ' I found myself stuttering and searching for words. My hands moved about as if I were trying to grasp each word that flew around my mind until it formed a sentence. How do you speak to someone that you haven't spoken to in years? Not in depth anyway. 

'You're a big hot shot Mr. FBI. Married, professor most likely with a couple books published or at least articles and yet you are still just the same man I adored back then.' He spoke with care and love in his voice as he watched my face blanch at what he said.

If it wasn't for the fact he has seen me this way before I would have been far more embarrassed then I was. My mouth was still opening and closing and my hands had finally stopped. 'Did you? Was it you? I- was it you that hurt me? With the blade?' 

I had finally managed to collect my words and form a complete sentence even if it was laced with fear and sorrow. I was terrified he'd say yes. I was even more petrified if he said no. If he hadn't done it then I'd have nothing to hold against him. 

There was no way I could remain upset about something that happened in college and it wouldn't make me seem like an upset child. I hadn't bothered to meet Ethan's eyes. I was honestly too afraid of what he'd see residing in my own. 

I didn't hear him move and I didn't notice how close he got until he spoke. Making me jump and look out of the two way glass. This was a bad idea. I need to get out of here. I feel like the room is shrinking. 

Ethan cupped my face and forced me to look at him. The fact that this was being recorded made me even more nervous. What if the rest of the team found out what happened between us.

I finally met his gaze. I knew my eyes probably reminded him of the first time he ever hurt me. This time had nothing to do with the kiss I walked in on years ago.

'Spencer.' As he spoke his thumb traced my jaw. 'I would never. I could never hurt you.' I laughed bitterly and flinched when his thumb met the side of my lips. 'This was a mistake. I - I need some fresh air'. I quickly rushed out, locking the door behind me. 

I blew out a breath I didn't realize I was holding within my lungs as I felt my breathing start to quicken. I made my way to the roof of the building that no one really used. I slid down the door as I made it fully outside.  

I watched as the sun began to set. The sky turned different colors until emerging me in full darkness besides for the buildings lights I closed my eyes. Why do I feel like a young adult all over again? Why am I letting him get under my skin? The worst part was that he isn't even trying to make me feel like this.

One minute I was on the rooftop the next I was in the band room of our college laying on the ground with my head resting on Ethan's jacket as he played the piano.

'I could fall asleep to the sound of you playing. You know.' I said as each key played from his fingertips. His cologne was all over me because we may or may not have been making out on the floor before I scolded him that he needed to practice. He had a big concert event coming up. 

'I could think of better things to do in here than you falling asleep.' His voice was teasing, making me blush.  It had only been a few weeks since our first actual time together and in all honesty it made me nervous just thinking about it. Ethan seemed to want to sleep together constantly.  Which is fine. I loved having sex with him but sex was never something I thought I'd experience so I'd much rather be reading or learning something new.

Just the other day we got into an argument because I turned him down. 

I was sitting in a lecture with the man that created the Behavioral Analysis Unit. The BAU for short. At the time, I didn't want to get laid. I wanted to learn more about how learning to understand a serial killer could help catch them. I was deeply intrigued and asked many questions as the lecture hall went on.

'You know you did ditch me for some cop I don't see why now would be a bad time to make up for it?

'A federal Agent is hardly a cop and if you can't remember his job at least remember his name. Jason Gideon.'

Ethan scoffed in small annoyance as he continued to play. Only this time the sound of the piano sounded like chase music. I felt like it should play in Tom and Jerry. 

'You can't seriously be upset with me about that?' I said trying to sound calm and collected in reality I was upset. I originally went to college to learn all the things needed to be someone that taught others. I had been debating on changing my career path for sometime now and I think I finally found it. 

'I think I wanna try to join the BAU. Gideon already told me with how interested I was in the lecture and with how smart I am. I'd make a great addition to the team.'

He smashed his fingers on the piano and groaned. 'Reid we already planned our future together. Do you really wanna give that up to join the FBI?' The way he looked at me was as if I had broken his heart. It's not that I had forgotten our plans after college. The only problem was that I used to be able to see that future and now I couldn't. 

Since the class with Gideon and all the research I've done. Working for the FBI just made sense. It would cover everything for my mother's doctor's and Care facility. Plus being able to keep a great roof over my head and food in my belly. I suppose to Ethan not living life on the edge was boring.

I shook my head to escape the memory.  Out of all the ones to have right now, why did that one resurface? My head fell in my hands as I combed my hair out of my face. My phone went off with a text from Y/n. 

'Hey, so we found her abandoned hideout but it looks like she hasn't been here in a bit. I don't know if you've gone to see him or not but I figured you could maybe get more info? If you're feeling up to it of course. Otherwise he made a bond with Matt. He can try again when we get back.'

I sighed. I wasn't in the mood to see him again. I thought I could separate my feelings towards him from this case and I know I'm not doing it. Perhaps I should step back from this case. I should talk to Emily. I know I'd still have to deal with Cat ever so often but otherwise she was my wife's problem now. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and closed my eyes. Everything just seemed like too much right now. 

'Seriously we are not doing this right now Ethan?' I was putting back on my clothes.  Situating my hair as well. 'You are not going to make me late. I refuse to miss seeing my mother again because you can't not want to sleep with me when we are alone.'

I walked around him as I grabbed my bag to take with me to go see my mom. It held some overnight clothes. I had missed the last time they were going to allow me to stay. All because I gave in to Ethan's advances to make him happy. I loved him and when we weren't bickering things were fabulous. After a year of it though it's exhausting. 

He caught me by my hips and pulled me to him. I swatted his hands away. He may not have wanted anything from me but a proper goodbye but I didn't want to give him the chance. I had already prepared myself mentally for the arguing that was gonna come from me turning him down. Me leaving him alone for long periods of time made me nervous.  

He'd never done anything to make me anxious about leaving him. He'd only go to bars and play and have a couple of drinks with other musicians.  I had accompanied him plenty of times. Nothing ever happened besides musicians talking about anything and everything underneath the shitty neon lights of the bar.

'Tell your mom I said hi and that I hope she's doing well. Also tell her I'm sorry I kept you away last time. I don't know what came over me. ' He cupped my face and went to kiss me but I turned my head slightly.  Again. I'm not taking any chances. I'd happily lose anyone or anything as long as I still had my mom.  He ended up kissing my cheek. 

A sigh escaped him as he let me go. 'I'll see you when you get back. Yeah?' I nodded and smiled at him as I headed toward the door.

'Wait, Reid. I'll be going out tonight to play. I'll message you when I arrive and when I leave. I know how you worry. Tell me when you make it to your mom's.  I love you. ' I smiled as I ran off to see my mom.

A groan escaped me. Why? I'm so sick of these memories coming up. I looked around the roof and let out another sigh. I really need to let what happens next go. Yet before I could stop my brain it quickly wraps me and surrounds me in the memory and as it unfolds like a movie before my very eyes. I kept my vision from blurring from the unleashed tears. 

Time with my mom had gone by well from when I got there until now.  She started having a violent episode one that if I had stayed would have ended in her calling me crash again.  I'd never tell her she'd hit me. I just wanted comfort. So I came home early. Well to a place Ethan and I were renting together. I hadn't told him I was on my way home.  So when I came home to an empty place I wasn't surprised. I quickly dropped off my things and ran to where I figured he'd be.  The bar with his friends. It was rare anyone would be there right now actually drinking; they should just be setting their instruments.

Only when I came in I found Ethan behind stage with a girl's tongue shoved down his throat. There clothes slightly askew He pushed her away when he realized I was there. 'Spencer this isn't what It looks like!' 

I just stood there frozen. I couldn't form a word, I could barely comprehend what I saw.  When he stepped towards me. I turned away and just walked away. I felt like my heart had just been stomped into the ground after being clawed at unintentionally by my mother. I was broken. 

That night I got multiple calls and texts from Ethan. I ignored them all. I ended up sleeping on a campus bench. Comfy truly.  

I never fully spoke to Ethan after that day.  Things with my mom got chaotic and I didn't have the time to focus on anything but getting my PhD and taking care of my mom. As long as I was busy I couldn't blame myself that I was too afraid to face Ethan.  He broke my heart and I didn't even give him the opportunity to even try to explain himself.

That was ages ago though so why am I still thinking about it. Why won't my brain just shut up. I need to get back Inside. Maybe the team is back by now. 

------------

Having to find Spencer recently was starting to become a habit. I looked everywhere for him everywhere besides outside. I finally found him walking in from the stairway that led to the roof.

'Hey.' I gave him a small wave and what I hoped was a reassuring smile. This case was getting to him for obvious reasons. He honestly hasn't looked this distraught since after he came back from prison. 

His eyes widened slightly. 'Good you're all back already then?' I nodded. My eyes didn't want to leave him. I knew something had happened. I just didn't know what. Pushing him was never something I had done and I wasn't gonna start now. Maybe I'll just bring it up a little to see if he decides to tell me. If not then it can wait until he sorts out his mind.

'So we didn't find Lindsey.  We did find a couple of things though. Photos of you in Mexico. Photos of you even in the prison yard. Among others of max and you and us together.  Lindsey appears to be stalking us. Maybe it was something Cat asked her to do.  Or maybe Ethan was the one taking some of the photos.' I looked away and was staring at my hands as my brain started putting small pieces together. Theories really.

Spencer grabbed my hand gently and brought it up so I'd follow it with my eyes. 'I am actually debating on taking a step back from this case. I was gonna tell Emily and see what she thought.' The smile he gave me didn't reach his eyes. 

'Let's be honest it's probably for the best that I do. I know too much and I am far too involved, especially with Cat and Ethan both being a part of this. It's just more than I think I can handle. I could be wrong. Maybe I just need a day to breathe. I'll have to figure that out though.'

He placed my hand on his face and all I could do was rub my thumb across his jaw. I let out a small laugh suddenly. Which surprised him. 'I'm sorry it's not funny! I just kept thinking that If I pushed hard enough on your jawline would it cut me?' It was a terrible time for me to not be able to keep things to myself.  He needed me serious, right?

A laugh bellowed out of him and I could see some of the stress and pain he was carrying with him lift a little. I myself smiled too when he pulled me into his chest. 'Oh how I love you and your random thoughts.' He moved his hand to cup my cheek and leaned in as if he were gonna kiss me. 

One of our arrangements when we started dating was no PDA in the workplace if any, keep it always at a minimum. With what he was doing it was making me question if he was about to break that small rule. Not that I minded if he did or not though. 

He stroked my cheek and smiled at me as he pecked the tip of my nose and walked away.

I couldn't help but scrunch up my nose the way a bunny would. It tickled. A smile formed on my face as I watched him leave.

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars @dreatine

#unsteady keys #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer x reader #spencer x you

[itsadamcole]

christmas lights - pt. 3

fem!reader x drew mcintyre

reader and drew come face to face ...

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: mentions of cheating, mentions of divorce, mentions of being intoxicated, angst, rebuilding of a broken relationship

— part 4 tomorrow, then two more christmas themed imagines after that —

masterlist || request an imagine here

part 1 || part 2 || part 4

***

Weeks pass and you finally reached out to Drew after you've finally calmed down. Candice told you to hear him out so you told him to come by the house today.

Drew is home for a few days so he is stopping by so the two of you can at least air everything out. You don't know if you'll be able to fix the relationship.

You took off your wedding band and engagement ring because looking at them on your finger made you upset. You don't plan on putting them back on today.

You do dress like you haven't been crying your eyes out for the past six weeks. You wear a silky light blue button up and white jeans. You don't bother with putting shoes on so you're barefoot. You tie your hair into a ponytail on top of your head.

Now you wait for Drew to show up. You sit on the couch as you wait. You try to think about something else, anything else, but it's almost impossible. Especially after you hear a car pull into the driveway.

Sighing, you prepare yourself to come face to face with your husband, if that's what he still is. You don't know anymore.

Drew knocks on the door and you get up, walking into the foyer and opening the door.

The Scotsman stands in front of you, and it takes everything in you to not fall into his arms and just cry. He's dressed casually. A t-shirt and jeans with sneakers. His hair is in a low ponytail on the back of his head.

"Hi," you squeak.

Drew says, "Hey. May I come in?"

Nodding, you step aside and he walks in. You close the door and join Drew, who's now in the living room. He looks around at all the pictures you haven't taken down yet.

You ask, "Do you want something to drink?"

He shakes his head and says, "No, thank ya though."

You sit in the comfy chair adjacent from the couch that Drew is now sitting on. He looks over at you and you look down, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Look, Y/N," Drew sighs. "I'm ripping off the bandaid so we can go back to what we were before. I lied t'ya."

Avoiding eye contact, you say, "No shit, Drew. That's why we're here."

Drew says, "No, we're here because ya took a text out of context. Ya never let me fully explain myself."

Anger starts to rise in you and you say, "The text seemed pretty straight forward, Drew. I gave you the opportunity to explain yourself and you said that you cheated. Plain and simple."

The Scotsman says, "I told ya that I cheated because ya wanted t'hear me say it. I never cheated. I would never do that t'ya, Y/N. Ya know me-"

"I thought I knew you," you interrupt.

Drew says, "Will ya close yer stubborn mouth for two seconds so I can explain what happened?"

You blink at Drew. He's never used that tone with you. That tone of "be quiet or I swear to God". Never has Drew used that tone with you, which makes you be quiet.

As you wait, you cross your arms over your chest. You stay quiet.

Drew begins with, "I wanted t'buy you a present for Christmas and I needed another woman's opinion so I asked my friend Diane t'help me pick it out. That was my first mistake. The lingerie in the picture, that was supposed t'be for ya. Diane, who I've blocked by the way, always used t'tease me because I only have sex every few weeks. She asked if I wanted t'come over and pick it up to give t'ya but ya were home and I didn't want t'leave t'go get it since it had been a while since we've seen each other.

"That's when the picture comes in. She decided to mess with me and send that picture with the text. I never kissed her, I never slept with her, I never flirted with her. Nothing happened. I mean that. I never cheated, and I only told ya that because it's what ya wanted to hear. I've always stayed loyal t'ya, Y/N. I've never even thought about messing with someone else behind yer back," Drew finished.

His explanation lines up with everything, but your stubborn ass never let him fully explain yourself. You have your doubts, yes, but you should have let him explain himself that night.

That night was your worst nightmare come true when it never should have been.

Tears begin to well in your eyes and you mumble, "That makes perfect sense and I didn't believe you."

You cover your face with your hands. You hate that you never let Drew explain himself. You hate that you've been avoiding talking to him for weeks.

He stays quiet and the tears that formed begin to roll down your cheeks. You've hated Drew for the past six weeks when you had no reason. You almost wanted him to tell you he had been unloyal to you because you couldn't believe him at all. He sounded so panicky when he was trying to explain himself all those weeks ago that you thought that he was lying to you.

"I'm so sorry, Drew," you cry, face still covered. "I'm so sorry that I never let you explain yourself."

Drew gets up and walks over to you. He wraps his arms around you as he sits on the arm of the chair. You cry into his chest as he says, "No, I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm sorry that I made ya think ya weren't good enough. I'm sorry I made ya ever think that I cheated. Yer perfect for me and I almost ruined it."

You hug him tight and say, "I've hated you for the past few weeks and pushed you away for no reason."

"Hey, ya had every reason," Drew says. "Ya were emotional and I had told ya that I was unloyal. Ya had every right t'hate me and t'push me away, Y/N. I don't blame ya at all, and ya shouldn't blame yourself, love."

You finally look up at Drew, meeting his eyes and you say, "I love you. I never stopped even though I hated you for something you didn't do. I'm so sorry that we couldn't spend the last six weeks together when it's what you wanted."

Drew presses a kiss to your forehead and he says, "We can start over. Clean slates, yeah?"

You nod and say, "Yeah, I'd like that. I need to do one thing first."

He nods and you get up, running up the stairs. You grab your wedding band and engagement ring out of the jewelry box you put them in and put both rings on your finger. Then you grab the present you never gave Drew for Christmas before walking downstairs.

Your husband looks confused as you carry a wrapped gift down the stairs.

"I, um, was never able to give you this," you say. "So Merry belated Christmas, Drew."

The small box is unwrapped once you hand it to Drew. Inside the wrapping paper is a small box. Not the size that would contain a ring, but the size that would contain a bracelet.

Drew opens up the box and smiles when he sees the contents. It's a thin silver bracelet with Drew's initials engraved on one side of the date that's engraved in the metal with your initials engraved on the other side of date. The date is the day you married Drew.

He says, "Y/N. Ya got this fer me?"

You nod and say, "And I'm giving it to you a month and a half later so technically happy early Valentine's Day."

Your husband laughs and puts the bracelet on his left wrist. You notice he's wearing his wedding band. Your heart sinks as you realize he probably never took his off while you did.

Drew looks over at you and he says, "Thank ya, Y/N."

You nod and meet his eyes again. "No more secrets," you say. "Please?"

He shakes his head and says, "No more secrets, I promise. And no more lying."

"Yeah, I agree," you say, giving Drew a small smile.

Drew reaches up and touches your cheek lightly, and you lean into his touch. "Can I kiss ya?" he asks.

You nod and Drew stands up from the arm of the chair. He towers over you and you have to look up at him.

He leans down and lightly presses a kiss to your cheek. You move closer to Drew as the kiss intensifies just a little bit. Your eyes flutter closed and butterflies rise in your stomach as if this was your first kiss again with Drew. It almost feels like it.

The kiss continues for a few moments before Drew pulls away. He says, "I probably have t'build yer trust up again, don't I?"

You look up at him and say, "I mean, I have some doubts but I do believe you for the most part." You take his hand. "But we can't just jump right back into how we were. We've been separated for six weeks."

Drew asks, "What do ya want to do? Do ya want me to stay with Sheamus a little bit longer or I can rent an apartment for a few months that way we can take things slow."

"You don't have to move out," you say, staring up at Drew. "We can asleep in separate bedrooms for a few weeks while we mend the relationship. We're gonna need some boundaries temporarily while we fix things."

He nods and says, "Whatever ya want t'do, Y/N. If ya want me t'stay then I'll stay."

Smiling up at him, you say, "I want you to stay, but separate bedrooms for right now."

Drew says, "Then I'll stay. I'll have Sheamus or Cesaro drop my clothes off later. Right now, I just want t'spend some time with my wife while I'm home."

Your face gets a little flustered as he talks.

You believe that this relationship can be fixed. Drew's explanation makes sense and lines up with a lot. You're just upset with yourself that you never let him explain.

A question pops into your head and you ask, "Drew, how long did you know Diane?"

He says, "I've known her a few months. She works in makeup for Raw and that's how we met. She's become a close friend while I'm on the road."

"Is that why you asked her to help you shop for me?" you ask.

Drew nods and says, "I talked t'her about ya all the time and she knew what ya liked and didn't like. That's how much I talked t'her about ya." A chuckle leaves his lips. "I didn't ask Candice or Indi because I wanted it t'be a surprise and I knew they would probably end up telling ya or ya'd find out because ya always talk to them. So I asked Diane and we shopped when we were in New York. Looking back, I probably shoulda asked Candice."

You listen to the tone of his and he sounds genuine. His accent gets a little thicker when he lies but it stays the same.

"Did she ever try to come onto you?" you ask.

Drew shakes his head and says, "Not that I'm aware of. Maybe I was just oblivious because I was always thinking about ya and when I'd get back t'ya. I always used to say how I'd miss ya and how much I missed us, ya know, having sex or being intimate with each other so she used t'tease me about it. The picture she sent overstepped a boundary that I didn't think I'd needed t'put down so the next day, after I sobered up and everything, I told her that she overstepped, that our friendship was over, and blocked her."

Sobered up? "You got drunk that night?" you ask.

He nods and says, "Severely. Sheamus and Cesaro picked me up and I threw up."

You frown. That's why Sheamus said that Drew wasn't there when you called that night to make sure he made it over okay.

"I called, that night," you admit. "I called Sheamus to see if you made it there okay. My heart sank because I thought you were with her after he told me you weren't there."

Drew crouches in front of you and he says, "I drove to a bar. I drank heavily for a while before Sheamus and Cesaro found me extremely intoxicated. That's all. I wasn't with Diane."

You look into his pretty blue eyes and you feel butterflies as you make eye contact with him. "I know," you say. "I'm sorry for being a terrible wife recently."

Your husband rests his hands on your knees and he says, "Ya have no reason to apologize, love. The past few weeks have all been on me. I gave ya the space ya wanted. I knew ya'd reach out when ya were ready to talk."

Sighing, you run your fingers through Drew's dark hair and you say, "I'm glad you're back. Let's never do that again. Separate, I mean."

He lets out a breathy laugh and says, "I agree. It was terrible."

You laugh a bit and hug him, wrapping your arms around his neck and holding him close.

You finally feel at home again in Drew's arms. Yes, he has a bit to prove but you're willing to work with him. You believe him and because you love him, you want to make sure this relationship gets fixed because you could never forgive yourself if this relationship ended for any reason.

—

tags: @drewmcintyrekoccsrocbwdgfan

#drew mcintyre imagine #drew mcintyre x reader #wrestling imagine #wrestling angst #wwe imagine #wwe angst #nxt imagine #nxt angst #imagines #imagine #angst imagine #christmas imagine

[t-lostinworlds]

Green-Eyed (Tom Holland)

A/N: This was supposed to be short but I got carried away as always. I don’t think this is the best I’ve written but I’m hoping it’s not as shit as the usual aha. Also to the anon I’m sorry if this took a lil longer than expected hun. Hope you still like it! <3

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Requested:

Warnings: A dick-ish (if u squint) jealous!Tom and typos.

Word Count: 3.6k

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

"Pretty please?" Tom dragged out his last word as he rested his head sweetly on your shoulder, sporting his best puppy-dog eyes with bottom lip pouted to make it harder for you to resist him.

You groaned in dismay as you threw your head back on the couch, eyes screwed shut to try and ignore the face of your handsome but very annoying best friend. "Why me Tom? And why'd you ask me this so fucking last minute?"

Tom has decided to tell you just now that there's a charity gala tomorrow, and that he wants you to be his plus one. Countless of a-list celebrities would be there to support different causes, so imagine the upmost dread you're feeling just thinking about joining Tom when that wasn't even your type of crowd, when you've never been to an event like it to begin with. Plus, you know he will have friends there too, if he hangs out with them, what would you do then?

The event tomorrow starts at six p.m., and he's just told you this now, clock showing eight-thirty p.m., who would not be annoyed? Better yet, who wouldn't be terrified?

"You're my best friend, you're the one I want to the there with. Come on, it's for charity, you never say no to charity."

This motherfucker...

You turned to him with a glare, arms crossed over your chest at his foul play. "You're not playing fair you know that."

Tom sat straight back up, body turned fully to face you, eyes still showing the same gleam as he pressed his palms together, resting it under his chin to beg. "Just please? You won't feel left out I promise. I'll be right there with you all night." He reassures as if he was able to read your mind, but being friends for long enough, you had no doubts that he probably could, to an extent of course.

Let's be honest, there was no way you'd say no. One, it's for charity; and two, it's Tom for heaven's sake, you never can. But the fact that you are simply unprepared to go to an event like this, it's daunting.

"I don't even have anything to wear."

Tom only chuckled sheepishly at that, hand coming up to rub on his shoulder, a nervous tick of his you've grown to adore, even if you've been trying so hard not to.

Got to have those boundaries.

"Uh, I already bought you a dress and Christine is going to help you with everything else. So please say yes." He shot you the brightest smile he could muster, one where it showed his rows of teeth with his eyes all crinkled. You blinked at him in deep surprise.

He already had this thought out huh?

"You are unbelievable Holland." You grumbled.

Tom chuckled in response, smug grin in play as he wriggles his brows at you. "Now, will you do me the honors of coming to the gala with me Y/N?" You rolled your eyes at him, sighing in disbelief but nodded anyway.

"Fine."

And just like the kid that he is, Tom threw his hands up in the air, shouting a 'yay' in pure glee before wrapping his arms around your rigid form to give you a tight squeeze, you playfully pushing him away in feign annoyance.

You were still nervous. How can you not be when you have no idea what to expect during this gala, who you were going to meet, but with one look at this stupid boy—who is also a big celebrity which you tend to forget—beside you, you felt yourself relax a little.

How bad can it be?

***

"Wow."

Tom gushed, the phone he had on hand lowering ever so dramatically, tearing his eyes off of the screen to scan you from head to toe. You felt your cheeks warm at his reaction. "Does it look okay?"

"Okay? You look fucking gorgeous. I knew I picked the right dress." He exclaimed all proud, sauntering over to you looking incredibly handsome himself, the color of his suit—not exactly matching—but coordinating with yours just right.

"You did."

Best believe you're the last person to stroke this man's ego, but you have to give credit where credit is due, he did pick the right dress.

It was a short, red satin dress with the waist embezzled with a silver crystal belt. The back was bare along with a plunging v-neckline to match, making it look sexy and classy at the same time. And the fact that it fitted you perfectly, it made you feel elegantly beautiful in the most sophisticated way.

How has Tom managed to get you the perfect size? He "borrowed"—his choice of word when you insisted he stole it—one of your dresses and used it as a guide. A clever boy.

Your hair was up in a messy bun, small curls falling freely to frame your face, one that sported just enough make up just to enhance your natural beauty and not make it look superficial.

"Damn, I can't take my eyes off of you." Tom muttered under his breath, eyes still glued to your figure and you can't stop your heart from skipping a beat at that.

Whether he meant to say that out loud, you don't know, unable to decide if he was playing with you in a best-friend-banter kind of way or if there was an underlying meaning in his tone, but you can't seem to think about that now. Not when the nerves were already eating you up inside out just thinking about the event, thinking about which celebrity you were going to meet and if you weren't going to make a big fool out of yourself, so you cleared your throat.

"Tom quit ogling we're going to be late."

Tom shook his head with a shy chuckle, blush prominent on his cheek as he made way for you with a curtsy. "After you mi lady."

"Thank you Christine!" Tom called out before both of you were out the door, him helping you in his car like the gentleman that he is and then driving towards this most awaited gala.

***

You were actually having fun.

Tom has introduced you to a few of his 'famous' friends and you were delighted to see that they were just as sweet and kind. You've met a couple artists here and there too, just casual conversations, one after the other, you and Tom going through it together as he's never left your side the moment you two arrived, just as promised.

That until he decided to get you a drink.

Standing in your place you looked around the extravagant hall of the humongous mansion—or castle more like it—admiring the huge chandeliers that adorned the ceiling along with the beautiful murals that coated the space. You were busy appreciating the artwork that you didn't notice someone was approaching until they spoke.

"Hi, I'm Calum." Startled, you let out a small squeak as you looked for the owner of the voice, eyes meeting brown ones and you felt your whole face heat up once you recognized who it was.

Calum Hood from 5 Seconds of Summer, the band you've been a big fan of for how many years now.

You shook his hand with a shy smile, whole body going timid once he gave it a gentle squeeze before letting go. "Oh, hi, uh Y/N, and yes I know who you are. I love your new album."

"Oh really, thank you so much." Calum chuckled with a grateful nod, eyes looking at you in a way that's made the butterflies in your stomach tingle a little.

"I don't mean to come off weird but I saw you just standing there and you look really beautiful and I needed to say hi." You blinked, surprised at his words.

What kind of fanfiction is this?

You flashed him a sweet smile, a small giggle coming out of you as you responded bashfully. "Thank you. You look really good too."

The conversation just took off from there. You asked him about their new music while he asks you anything mundane that comes to his mind. You keep on laughing at something clever or stupid he had said, proximity just close enough to prove that you were having a great time. When you finally calmed down, Calum cleared his throat, hand rubbing behind his neck nervously.

"Mind if I get you a drink?"

Before you could even do as much as move your mouth to give him an answer, a deep voice spoke just behind you,

"I'm sorry but she already has one."

Your head snap back to see Tom, face stern with jaw clenched tightly, a certain glint coating eyes. The obvious anger you can see yes, but there's something else mixed with it, one you couldn't pinpoint as to what exactly it is yet.

"Ah, Mr. Tom Holland. Nice to meet you mate." Calum greeted politely, the bloke already knowing that you came here with Tom having that you've told him.

"Likewise." Tom's lips only quirked up just a tad bit as he took Calum's hand with a tight grip, not too obvious but you noticed it nonetheless. Calum only chuckled with a knowing nod, giving Tom a certain look— like he realized something you haven't—before turning to you with a charming smile.

"I'll leave you two to it. It was nice meeting you Y/N." Calum says as he pulls you in for a warm hug, your arms wrapping around him with a small squeeze in return as you responded with just as much delight. "You too Calum."

You watched him walk away, Calum giving you one last look over his shoulder with a small wave before disappearing into the crowd.

"Well, there goes my daydream of being a musician's girlfriend, touring around the world while singing their songs in the crowd and being their number one fan." You joked, but Tom didn't find even the tiniest of humor in your statement. In fact, it only made him angrier, nostrils flaring as he gave you a pointed eye roll.

You furrowed your brows at him, utter confusion covering you from head to toe at the look of pure disdain on your best friend's features. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing." Tom shrugged, eyes never meeting yours since the moment he got back from fetching you a drink, said drink that's in his hand but by the looks of it, he has no plan on giving it to you, not even his full attention.

"Well, it surely doesn't look like it's nothing Tom." You frowned at him in concern, hand going up to give him comfort but he blatantly rejected the gesture.

"Let's call it a night, I'm not feeling well." He grumbled, not even waiting for an answer as he quickly turned on his heel and walked away. You tried your best to catch up with him, following closely behind with nothing but bewilderment plastered on your face, still oblivious to the reason of his sudden change in attitude.

"Tom, slow down a sec." He ignores, still walking at a fast pace, not having any sense of empathy at the fact that you were wearing high heels. That's when you felt your anger boil too.

"You know what. Fuck it, if you're going to be a bitch for no goddamn reason then I'm taking a cab." You hissed, and that made him stop. Tom took one deep breath before turning sideways, offering you his arm to hold, gaze still avoiding yours at all costs.

You rolled your eyes and moved ahead, too much pride coursing through you to let his bitchy attitude slide, making sure to bump his arm purposely as you quickly made your way to the parking lot with Tom now following you.

***

The ride home was silent to the point that it was deafening, Tom not paying you any mind as if you weren't there at all.

You now understand that he was angry at you, fuming even. If the way his face was practically red up to the tips of his ears, the way you can practically feel the heat radiate off him wasn't a dead giveaway, then, the tight grip he had on the steering wheel and the speed the car was going, would be.

But as to why exactly that is? You have no fucking idea. As far as you know, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

Letting out a deep sigh, you turned your body to face him fully, just wanting to get this over and done with. "Tom, tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing." He muttered under his breath, eyes dead set on the road ahead. You scoffed. "Don't fucking lie to me."

"I said it's fucking nothing now leave me the fuck alone." Tom barked, the car lurching forward at his sudden burst of frustration.

You were never one to sit still and take bullshit, especially when it's Tom being a dickhead. When that happens due to whatever reason, you're for sure the one the first one to call him out on it. Besides, him driving this fast while angry is never safe.

"That's it, pull over."

"What—"

"Pull over or I'm going to open this fucking door without hesitation." Tom groaned, fully infuriated but did as told knowing you were nowhere near playing, just the tone you had, he wasn't going to risk it.

Once he put the car in park you shot him a glare, voice stern as you ordered. "Get out of the fucking car Tom."

He didn't say another word of protest as he harshly took his seatbelt off and got out of the car, slamming the door shut to make a point of how mad he was.

You were glad the place where the gala was held was detached from the city, a forty-five minute drive to the nearest highway, so the road was pretty much deserted, nothing but endless trees in view. The only source of light was a couple of street lamps, the car's headlights and the bright, full moon that shone high above.

You followed him out and in front of the car, leaning your weight on the hood as you stared at the tensed back of your best friend.

"Now tell me what the fuck is going on with you." When he didn't even do as much as turn around you growled in warning.

"Thomas."

"Alright!" With one deep breath, he finally turned to face you, jaw still set as he shoved both of his hands in the pockets of his slacks, a two-second pause before he finally spoke.

"I'm just frustrated, angry and fucking annoyed." Tom's voice turned low, his eyes casted on the grass where he was standing on, just two feet away from your place on the car.

"At me?"

He sighed, taking sharp intakes of breaths before finally lifting his head up to meet your eyes, so many emotions swimming in his brown ones with a frown on his lips to complete his whole troubled look.

"No, not entirely at least. I'm just, I left you for a second and when I came back the next thing I know you're having such a great time, laughing and flirting with this Calum guy—"

"Calum Hood."

"I don't fucking care what his last name is." Tom snapped, and that's when everything fell into place for you, lips pursed as you tried your best not to break into a smile.

"What is so wrong with me flirting with him Tom?"

The boy lets out a exasperated sigh at that, hand coming up to run through his hair in frustration that it made a curl go astray, a tasteful sight to you especially with him all agitated.

"I just didn't like the way it made me feel okay? Just seeing you laughing at his jokes, getting so close to him at times, just seeing you with someone else I just, it's just—"

"It makes you jealous?" You finished his sentence for him, your heart pounding due to excitement, warmth filling you up at the thought of your best friend getting riled up just thinking about you with another guy, because you feel just the same when you see him with another girl.

"Yes goddammit! It makes me so fucking jealous!" Tom exclaimed, all fucks thrown out the window as every feeling his been bottling up for years now comes bursting out, spilling right on the brim. "It was hard as is trying to fend off these guys who can't stop staring at you, who won't stop hovering over you because by the gods above you look absolutely breathtaking tonight. I really can't blame them because you stole the whole room, but it doesn't make me feel any less frustrated."

"Frustrated on what Tom?" You asked softly, his gaze cutting off with yours as he lets out a sigh, hands falling limp on his sides as he looked up at the starry sky.

"Frustrated because I wanted nothing more than to pull you closer to me, to wrap my arm around your waist to make them back off, but I couldn’t, I had no right to. I wanted to make them see that you're there with me so they need to fucking scram, but what power do I have? I'm just your best friend." Tom was pacing now, going on a full on rant with his hands swinging about to express his emotions and you let him. You sat still and watched as he pours all his heart out, watched with a stupid wide grin on your lips.

"But I want to be more than that Y/N. I don't want to be just your best friend and tonight just slapped me in the fucking face that I genuinely don’t want to be with anyone else but you. But then you went and said that you wanted to be a musician's girlfriend, it just made me so mad and hurt and just—" He stopped himself, head hanging low as he tried to regain his breathing.

You shook your head at the boy with sigh. "I was kidding Tom. I don't want to be a musician's girlfriend; I want to be an actor's, the one who plays Spider-Man to be quite specific."

The way his head shot up so quick to look at you in pure shock made you laugh, hopeful brown orbs staring you down as he made his way towards your spot on the car. You uncrossed your legs as you let him in between them, let him move even closer until his hands took home right on your waist, giving them a tender squeeze as a smug grin slowly formed on his lips.

"You mean—"

"You know, Andrew Garfield, I heard he's single again." You shrugged casually, teasing smirk in play, your little revenge for him being kind of a dick just earlier. Tom's head fell forward to land on your shoulder, arms wrapping fully around your form with a proper whine.

"Y/N."

You let out a hearty laugh, cupping his face with both hands as you pull him off of you, just enough to be able to look at those lovely brown orbs, his bottom lip all jutted out making him look unbearable adorable.

"Of course I meant you, you idiot. There no one else I want to be with other than you Tom." A sweet chuckle escaped Tom's lips as he pressed his forehead against yours, vicinity rightly close to be able to let the tips of your nose brush against each other.

"How are you so beautiful?" Tom sighed in pure adoration. You didn't respond with words, you just tilted your head a little to place your lips right on his, satisfied breaths ringing in your ears as the two of you cherished the feeling that you've been craving for far too long, mouths fitting perfectly like two puzzle pieces, a kiss filled with nothing but utter bliss, pure love.

"I love you." Tom whispered the moment you pulled away, eyes showing not but sincerity and you felt your heart grow ten times its usual size. You hummed, fingers playing with his hair on the nape of his neck fondly. "And I love you, you jealous dork."

With a few more kisses under the moonlight—some sweet and chaste, some not so much—the cold air finally got to the both of you, making your way back inside the car with wide smiles, unable to wipe them off.

"Let's go back to the gala?" Tom grinned, left hand steering while the other sat warmly on top of your thigh, a gesture so sweet until he decides to give it a teasing squeeze every now and then. "What, so you can reintroduce me to everyone, now as your girlfriend and not your best friend?" You joked to which Tom only shrugged with a hum. "I don't see why not."

You shook your head at your man, squaring your shoulders as you said nonchalantly. "I mean, if you want to it's okay. The matching pair I have under this dress can wait."

Tom choked at that, tearing his eyes off the road to give you a swift glance to see if you were serious or not. You only shot him a knowing wink in response, lips curved up teasingly, but nowhere did it show on your face that you were lying with what you just said.

That's made you arrive back home in lesser time that's for sure.

-:-:-:-:-

Like, Reblog & Leave a Comment if you enjoyed! Let me know what you think! <3

Tom H. Taglist: @spacebitch2 @hollanddolanfangirl @keepingupwiththehollands​

#tom holland #thomas stanley holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland request #tom holland stories #tom holland writing #tom holland blurb #tom holland drabble #tom holland reader insert #tom holland imagines #tom holland oneshot #tom holland short stories #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #tom holland fics #tom holland jealous #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader #tom holland x fem!reader #peter parker fanfiction #my writing

[xxisxxisxxis]

Shining Star | Part Two

[Axl Rose x OC]

Words: 3.1k

Warning(s): Explicit language, mentions of suicide

Tag list: @teller258316 @reigns420 @xpoisonousrosesx @oskea93 @blowinmeupwithherlove @redlipscrystalskies14 @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @sublimeprincesswasteland

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"Pretty as a picture." I say to myself, swiping lipstick across my lips in the bathroom mirror before I click the tube shut and make sure my hair looks good. 

My stomach churns at the thought of seeing Tommy...and Vince. 

I haven't spoken a word to Vince since he got Tami pregnant a year and a half ago, and I haven't spoken to Tommy since he leapt out of my bedroom window after 3 minutes of awkward sex. 

"Do you fuck all of your friends?" My mother's words come back to bite me in the ass as I groan out in frustration. 

The only plus to any of this is that I'll get to hang out with Viv. 

There. Viv. Just focus on Vivian. 

I leave the bathroom and glance around to see if I see any familiar faces. 

Nope. 

I pull the skirt of my dress down a little and rub my lips together, people passing left and right, looking either too drunk to be bothered or too busy. 

"Tansy?" I hear a confused voice and look straight ahead, seeing Vivian by the payphone. 

"Hey!" I reply excitedly, rushing to her as fast as I can, being careful not to trip over my feet adorned in red heels. 

Vivian Sixx—Kinston at that point—had a ballet scholarship to Juilliard, never missed a Sunday church service, and was one of those annoyingly gorgeous girls that genuinely thought they were ugly. She couldn't stand her red hair because she was teased in middle school and called "firecrotch," she hated her freckles and her height because she'd been compared to a giraffe--"tall as shit with brown spots"--and the fact her mom was a batshit crazy Jesus lunatic never helped matters…but that stuff was all in her head because after middle school, guys looked at her differently, Jesus-lover and all. She saw annoying traits, but most people saw legs a mile long, a unique hair color that stood out in the sea of bleach blonde, freckles that framed emerald green eyes, and a heart as kind and beautiful inside as she was on the outside. 

She's always said I was the most gorgeous woman she'd ever met, but she is, to me, the most stunning. 

She didn't have to try to get anybody's attention, she walked in a room and she had it--so much so that Matt Sorum called her "Fire Woman" after The Cult song because he claimed that's the first thing that came to mind when he first saw her walking back stage at his first gig with Guns N' Roses. "She could give me the fucking clap and I'd kiss her feet for it." He told me, his facial expression mimicking someone who'd been struck by lightening twice…

People always looked at her like that but she rarely noticed because she'd be too busy looking up at Nikki with utter hearts in her eyes, but we'll get into that later.

"What are you doing here?" She asks me curiously. 

"Vince called me and wanted me to come." I explain and she raises her brows. 

"Vince?" She asks and I nod. "The same Vince that cheated on you multiple times Freshman year? And your entire relationship?"

"It's been, what, four years?" I ask, in reference to how long it's been since he and I started dating. "Maybe he's grown up a little." I suggest and she just clears her throat, cueing the hollering of an angry girl.

"Fuck you! Piece of shit! Motherfucker!" She shouts, the sound of her hitting Vince gets louder and she stomps down the hall as he follows after her, continuously trying to get her attention by saying "babe" repeatedly. 

"My pants! Babe!" He's fully in sight now as she stomps off...and he's fully naked.

"Fuck you!" She calls back to him, leaving him behind. 

"I fucking love those pants." He whines, disappointed, cupping his dick. 

"Your swimsuit parts are out." Vivian tells him, and he and I make contact over her shoulder, my nerves tensing up anxiously as he looks at me with a grin. 

"Hey, Tans." He says to me, about to come closer but Vivian stops him. 

"Go put some clothes on." She orders to him and he rolls his eyes, turning and walking away, his butt shining as he leaves. "You had sex with that." She reminds me and I frown slightly. 

"Yeah, he hasn't changed a bit has he?" I ask her and she shakes her head a little. 

"He's gotten worse." She states. "Alright, c'mon, let's go see Tommy." She takes my hand and leads me to where he is, my heart nearly beating out of my chest. 

How awkward is this going to be? 

We turn the corner and see him and two other guys standing in their street clothes, and when Tommy sees me, all my nerves dissipate because he completely makes me forget our awkward sex never even happened. 

"Tansy fucking Reilen!" He exclaims excitedly as I walk to him to hug him. 

He leans down to reach my 5'3" height and wraps his arms tightly around me. 

"Hey, Tommy!" I reply, just as happy. 

This is the first time he, Vivian, and I, will be hanging out together...Viv's been having to hangout with us separately because we've been avoiding each other for the most part. I guess we don't have to, anymore. 

He releases me, immediately turning to the ball of teased, jet black hair. 

"This is Nikki," he informs me, "the band's bassist." 

Hazel eyes--nearly green--look down at me behind his hair, traveling down my face, to my chest, down my legs, and back up again, the tiniest, mischievous smirk on his lips, and I raise my brow a tiny bit…

Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Is exactly what Nikki was, and it was all he and I could get ourselves into for years to follow.

"And this is Tansy." Tommy tells Nikki, oblivious to how he's looking at me.

"Nice to meet you." I tell Nikki. 

"Yeah." He replies. 

"And Mick, our guitarist." Tommy says next, nodding to the shorter man who's also got jet black hair. 

"Hi." I say to him. 

He just gives a small smile and mumbles, "hey."

"He's a little quiet but when you get to know him he opens up." Tommy says to me, quietly as Vince reappears with clothes on. "We were about to head to the rainbow," he starts next, his eyes flickering to Viv. "If someone's willing to stay out late." 

"Fine." Vivian doesn't argue, sighing out. 

"Hallelujah. Thank fuckin' God." Vince pipes, sliding his arm around my shoulder, making me roll my eyes. 

The entire time to the Rainbow, Vivian and Nikki are constantly back and forth, tearing each other new assholes and going for each other's throats. I don't know what beef they have with each other but it's brutal and borderline sex fueled. 

Once we get to the bar and grill, I drag Viv to the bathroom with me so I can touch up my makeup. 

"So…" I start, looking in the mirror, "...have you lost your virginity yet?" 

"No." She says it as if she's slightly offended. 

"Oh." 

"Why?" 

"It's just…" I start but quickly decide that it'll just piss her off, probably. "Nothing." 

"Tansy." She sighs, irritated. "What is it?" 

"Nothing. I just thought you and that Nikki guy have messed around." I shrug and she looks like she's seen a ghost. 

"I—ew why would you think that? We haven't." She insists and I hold my hands up in surrender. 

"I'm sorry, I just thought you had." I tell her. 

"What makes you think we have?" 

"There's a tension." The words are framed by a smirk and she widens her eyes. 

"There is not a tension. There is so not a tension." She gets it out without laughing although I can tell she wants to. “We argue. All the time. He thinks I’m a self-righteous prude and I think he’s the spawn of Satan. If there’s a tension, it’s because we hate each other.”

"You don't have to like someone to have sex with them." I inform her, speaking from experience of the guys who've had sex with me without giving a damn, and me having sex with guys I didn't necessarily like just to make them happy. "I really like him for you, though. You get all riled up and firey when he's around." 

"Oh, please." She rolls her eyes. 

“I just met the guy and I can tell he has you acting different. You used to be so quiet and shy around people you don’t really know, now you’re jumping in to conversations just to piss him off and prove him wrong.”

“Because I don’t like him.” She shakes her head. “And he doesn’t like me. That’s where the tension comes from. See? It’s full-circle.”

"Hate-sex is always an option." I suggest. 

"Do not even start." She scolds me, pointing her finger. 

"What? It gets rid of all the aggression and ill feelings." I explain. 

“So does their shows. Did you know they encourage people to get their feelings out during a show so they go home chilled out and not so uptight?” she tells me and I look at her, not even the slightest bit convinced. “And it works.”

“Yeah, until he gets off stage and then you get all hot and bothered.” I reply with a grin. 

“I get hot because he’s Devil-Spawn and the heat from hell radiates off of him and I get bothered because he’s an arrogant idiot.”

“Or you like him and don’t know why you do so you displace your frustration and confusion on to him.” I shoot back. “I was honestly joking about the hate sex okay? I don’t want you to go jump in to bed with him if you don’t want to but you two were fighting like cats and dogs the whole time we were on our way here. I think you should try to let whatever kind of bravery he evokes in you come out in a way that’s not in the form of riled up anger or fiery hatred.” I recommend and she nods a little. “Now, c’mon because I have a slutty blonde waiting.”

That was the night Mötley Crüe was signed to Elektra records by rock-god signing Tom Zutat, who's responsible for record companies grasping ahold of a plethora of leather-patented hair metal douchebags that could make good music and snort their way through long enough power rails of coke that once they reach the end of white powder without flinching, China's on the other side. But you want to know a secret? It was all bullshit. Every person I've met in that rock scene, you know, the ones that despised the term "hair metal" yet teased their hair two feet above their heads and played heavy metal? Yeah, them. Every single one of them had this "I was made for this shit" attitude. 

Some of them nearly put bullets through their head, OD'd, hung themselves, turned their cars on and locked themselves in their garage...even the ones that hadn't purposely tried to take themselves out either almost pushed it too far and died accidentally from too much booze or drugs or vehicle accidents, or did push it too far. 

They weren't made for it. 

Nobody's fucking made for millions of people wanting a piece of them every single night, management running them to their grave for more money, dealers keeping them numb, all their relationships just exploding in their faces, all of their "friends" wanting more and more and more. 

They thought they were made for it because when someone gets a taste of what they decide the universe or God or whoever or whatever destined for them to become, they take it and run with it without reading the fine print. 

They see the fame without the lack of privacy and hangers-on. 

They see the fans without the people who hate their guts and make it known. 

They see the money without the gold diggers. 

They see the excess without the high risk that comes with taking advantage of having everything with the snap of their fingers. 

They see the glutton without the punishment. 

Until they're standing on the railing of the balcony of their Hollywood penthouse, their best friend trying to talk them down while the police are on their way. 

And then of course when they do turn up dead by suicide, people talk their typical, "how awful, they killed themselves in their mansion, surrounded by their expensive furniture, wearing their expensive clothes, with millions—possibly billions—in their bank account, how sad for them, boohoo." 

As someone who's been dirt broke, to the point of getting my water cut off and having to shower at a friend's house, but then growing up to have more money than I knew what to do with aside from blow it on drugs? Money doesn't buy happiness, jerkoffs. It can buy distractions to buffer pain and suffering, sure, but once the high wears off, or that new car loses its luster, or that new house starts to feel fucking empty, all while that wall full of awards and plaques and magazine posters cementing your fame and worth and stake in the industry you sold your soul for just reminds you that you don't even recognize who the hell you are anymore and nothing can change that...you get fucking depressed. Hate to say it. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, that even though you're poor as shit and are depressed as shit that even if you had money and fame you'd still be fucking sad. But I'd rather tell you the truth than sell you the fallacy that me and everybody else I was friends with bought, that landed every single one of us in situations where we felt we had no other way except to just off ourselves all while remembering when we were stupid enough to proudly say: "I was made for this." 

People are made for this like Matthew Trippe replaced Nikki Sixx, which—if you want the truth—is complete bullshit.

“He said we could possibly score a five album deal, Viv, why aren’t you happy about this? I thought you wanted us to get signed?” Tommy asks Vivian as she slings her keys across the guys' shitty living room, pissed beyond measure.

“You just told me you were dropping out of school, Tommy! We are so close to graduating, can’t you just wait?!” 

“No, I can’t! I can’t just wait because what I wanted is happening and I need to focus on the band right now more than ever!” He argues while motioning to Nikki and Vince, who, like me, are being smart and staying near the door incase we need to get out of sight once Vivian and Tommy kill each other.

“Your education should be your main focus, at least until you graduate! You are so close to being done, Tommy, why can’t you just—“

“Because I don’t give a fuck about school, Vivian! What I am passionate about doesn’t require a diploma, and I’m sorry if me dropping out makes you feel like I’m leaving you behind or whatever the fuck you feel, but I’m not sorry for wanting to focus on my main priority!”

“What I’m hearing is that I wasted hours of my time throughout school trying to tutor you and help you all for you to throw it away on the idea of being some hot-shot rockstar with girls and drugs and booze—”

“Oh, my God, you act like you would have had better things to do with that wasted time!” He sounds like he already knows he's gonna lose the argument while Vivian just rolls her jaw. “And it’s not a fucking idea, it’s fucking reality and you’re only mad because you have no control over it!”

“I’m mad because we talked about this and everything we agreed on, everything we promised each other, is absolute void to you now that it’s actually happening!” 

“Shit changes, Viv, people change! What I considered important junior year is completely different than what I consider important now.” He calms down, sighing. 

“We agreed we would both graduate high school and I could either put off college or drop out if I needed to...” she trails off, her voice shaking slightly with oncoming tears, making me feel bad for her. “That was our plan to avoid this from happening. To avoid you leaving me behind.” Now it's crystal clear why she's freaking out over them being offered a record deal. “You considered me important junior year when you came up with that plan. When you promised me you wouldn’t go on to bigger things without me and forget me. And now...” She takes a step back, while Tommy attempts to walk to her. 

“Viv, I didn’t mean it like that.” He tries to tell her. 

“No, you’re right.” she replies, her body shaking a little. “Shit changes.” I raise my brow because I've never heard her curse before. “People change.” She keeps on. “Glad this is happening now, though, so I don’t waste any more time on a completely different page than you, Tommy.” Her voice cracks a little and she grabs her keys quickly.

“Viv—“ Tommy tries to grab her arm as she heads to the door but she snatches away from him. “Fuck you.” she cracks, her voice barely coming out as tears spill over her  lashes. 

Nikki and Vince step aside to let her leave all while I contemplate following her, but if I know Vivian, I know she likes to think about things when she's upset, rather than just talk them out with someone. Which is the only time she likes to be alone. 

She just slams the door on us, and Tommy. 

Most definitely wouldn't be the last time she did that.

"Tommy, are you—"

"—I'm goin' home." He grumbles, grabbing his keys, and me and Nikki and Vince all look at each other. 

"Tommy, you are home?" Nikki reminds him. 

"I'm stayin' with my folks so I can vent to my sister because she's the only one who knows Viv good enough to know she's being fuckin' unreasonable." He states. 

"I barely know her and I can tell you she's unreasonable." Nikki scoffs, earning a glare. "Sorry, man." He mumbles in return. 

"Bye." Tommy says, closing the door behind him. 

"Well...I'm gonna go find a chick to fuck." Vince says, stretching.

"You got one right here." Nikki chuckles looking at me and I raise my brows. 

"Not since I knocked Tami up." Vince reads my mind and I nod. 

"Exactly." I reply. 

"Who?" Nikki asks. 

"Nobody. Don't wait up." He tells us, opening the door and leaving, too, more than likely heading to the strip club down the street. 

"So, like, how old are you?" Nikki asks. 

"Why?" 

He just gets a shit eating grin on his lips. 

#shining star

[bakugouscentedcaramel]

🍋🐉The Dragon King 💥🍋

Boy don't we all,

You know what else we need?

Barbarian King BakuBoomBoomMan

Enjoy my fellow sinners

Also I'm trying a new formating for longer fics so let me know if this is too hard to read

🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~

Warnings: Smut, Dom Bakuhoe, Fantasy AU, Probably the longest smut I've written yet, Female Reader, Edging, Dirty Talk, Creampie, Val's recreation of her fever dream

🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~🍋~

You did it. You've reached the highest possible rank on the tribe's totem pole. You and Katsuki. Queen and King..

The thought made you shiver, or was it his teeth raking against your neck that caused it. Your mind was doing circles trying to connect the fuzzy pieces of what was going on. You only remembered bits and pieces of the courting ceremony, the music, the fire, the roars of dragons and the loud triumphant battle cry of.. your now wedded husband, the King... You two couldn't even make into the room before he pinned you against the doorframe. His mind clouded with lust and adoration for his newly acquired Queen.

"Oi, you better be paying attention to me, Y/n.." your lover growled against your skin, wine red eyes gunned you down, he knew how weak he could make you with a single glare. "You're officially mine now. And I plan on showing you that, the rest of the night." He suddenly bit down onto your neck, marking his territory, his mouth creating that intoxicating vacuum that was sure to leave a bruise. His mouth left your skin with a sinful pop before he traces his teeth marks with his tongue as a thinly veiled apology. His hands possessively rubbing your frame, mindfully avoiding your hot zones teasingly. He was toying with you, even after you named him as your wedded mate.

"Katsuki... I need you.." you breathless groaned out. You rested your head in the nape of his neck planting delicate pleading kisses along the curve up to his ear. "I need my King~" you gently bit his ear as a means to coax him but it was uncessary. He grunted as soon as his new title escaped your lips and carried you onto the royal bed. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist and your arms locked around his neck, his firm arms supporting your back and cupping your ass giving a encouraging squeeze. You squeaked at the sudden feeling and melted into him further as he started his way to the bed.

"You really do know how to play me right into your hands don't you.." his gruff voice tickled your ear as he returned the teasing favor. "I'll have to show you exactly who you're messing with, my Queen..." He set you down on top of the bed, taking a moment to bask in his new prize before unbuckling his cloak. The heavy fabric making a thud as it collapsed on the floor. His predatory eyes tracing every feature your body had to offer, your clothes only adding fuel to his urge of domination. He licked his lips at the countless of things he could do to you in this given moment, so many choices..

He crawled on top of you, his frame towering over yours. His hands snaked up your top, teasing your breasts by ghosting his hands over them provoking a whine from you. He smirked before sliding the inferior threads off of your torso. His breaths became ragged before he lunged for your lips, his mouth fighting yours in a lust filled battle. His the coldness of his necklaces grazing your breasts causing you to arch your back slightly. He was stealing your breath with every passing second. He pulled away with a bite to your lower lip before releasing a breathless groan.

He licked and nipped his way from your cheek to your neck, leaving a trail of soon to be hickies before making his way to your breasts. His breath causing your hardened nipples to feebly attempt to coil tighter. He latched onto one of them, eagerly sucking and biting while one of his hands groped and tweaked your other breast. Your moans only causing him to grind against your crotch, his hardness prominent and throbbing aggressively against your clothed core. "Mine..." He groaned against your skin, the vibrations sending shockwaves through your body. Using his other hand he forced your back to arch more for him until he found a suitable angle. Wet noises filled the room mixed with needy huffs and grunts from both of you. He switched nipples causing you to shudder at the coldness that assaulted your wet abandoned nipple.

He released your breasts before attacking your neck again, his desperation starting to overwhelm him. "You are the most delicious meal..." His teeth giving you another nip before his free hand snaked it's way down to your clothed groin. "I need more...." His hand pressing into your clothed clit, rubbing circles relentlessly, his eyes studying your reaction before his smirk returned. "You're so hot like this Y/n... I wonder.."

He lowered himself down your body, planting sloppy kisses down your navel to the band of your pants. His thumbs hooked around the loopholes as he tugged them down with reckless abandon. You shivered at the sudden loss of warmth before his hand found it's way to your bare clit. Your pussy glistening under candlelight caused your King to lick his lips impatiently, "You're soaked baby.. I haven't even done much and you're already this wet? All for me?" His eyes shot back up at yours, his hunger only growing at the sight of your lust hazed ones. "You're so fucking beautiful..." He licked long strokes up to your clit, causing a loud choked moan to escape your throat. He chuckled into your soaking pussy before taking another lap, his thumb circling your clit roughly. Your moans increasing to something so minimalistic could've sent him over the edge. His pace quickened just to see just how worked up he could get you. Your legs trembling from the immense pleasure, he wanted to hear his name escape your lips.

He slid one of his fingers into your overflowing passage causing you to fling back fully onto the bed, your body squirming against him. He worked your pussy while his tongue flicked your swollen clit, humming at the sight of you coming undone because of him. He leaned up away from your pussy, wiping his mouth with his unoccupied hand before sliding another finger into your core. He chuckled at the way you tightened around him so desperately.

"How much do you want me baby. I need to hear you say it. Tell me" He growled out, his fingers curling against your g spot causing you to see stars in the beds canopy. You tried catching your breath to give him an answer before he quickened his pace. Your moans becoming more and more animalistic. Your lidded eyes met his and you could see him stroking himself through his pants, his eyes eagerly eyeing your loud pussy. You arched your back before struggling out "I-I need you K-Katsuki!! Please! God yessss~" you could feel your orgasm approaching, the blissful feeling flooding your senses before disappearing completely as he pulled away from you.

He licked his fingers clean of your wetness, continuing to eye you. "Goddammit Y/n... You're so fuckin good.." His hands fumbled with his pants, his cock straining to be free from the shackles of the torturous fabric. He sighed with relief as his cock pushed away the bindings, already dripping with precum and throbbing with anticipation, his piercings shining in the flame light.

He laid himself on top of you again, his cock rubbing against your pulsating pussy. His piercings causing you to moan at the gentle bumps against your clit. "It's rude to fuckin stare my Gunpowder.. but I'll let it go this time.. right now I just want to hear you beg for my cock inside of you.. I want to hear how desperate you are for my cock" his grinding becoming rougher and more teasing as he waited for your pleas.

"P-please Katsu~ I need to feel your cock stretch me and fill my pussy up. I need you to fuck me, my King" you managed to squeak out in between his love bites to your tense nipples. He aligned his member to your entrance, pushing himself into you slowly before pulling back out, his smirk forming against the nape of your neck. "Say that again.. louder" he groaned, his breath causing goosebumps to form on your gentle skin.

"Please fuck me... My King~"

He rammed himself into you causing a scream of pleasure to flood the room, his grunts underneath your moans as he adjusted to your tightness around his dick. He slowly pulled out, his Jacobs ladder rubbing against your opening adding even more to your pleasure. His thrusts picked up speed gradually, his breaths heavy and his grunts flooding your senses.

"Ughhh, you feel so tight around me baby... So warm and wet, all for me.. all mine.. you're mine Y/n.. I'm going to fuck you until my name is the only thing you know.." his thrusts deepened, his cock roughly reaching every possible area inside you, stretching and tugging as you succumbed to his will. Your hands flew to his body, one to his back and one to his ass, you dug your nails into his skin, silently begging him for more. He grunted at the sudden pain before letting out a breathy laugh. "That good huh? I haven't even started baby, you're gonna be mine, and the whole fuckin tribe is going to know it. Everyone is going to hear your moans, hear you scream my name.." He adjusted himself for a better angle before mercilessly pounding into you, the sound of your wetness paired with the sound of skin slapping sending you both into euphoria.

His necklaces rattled with every thrust before he growled and threw them off of him, the clattering echoing through the air. He flung one of your legs onto his shoulder, his thrusts never faltering. He traces circles around your nipples as he bites into your calf, his grunts and groans muffled. He could feel your walls tightening around his cock, your moans and squirms becoming more frequent. "F-fuck Y/n... You're so fuckin delicious.. you're taking my cock so well.. fuck... and you're all mine.." he gave an especially rough thrust before his hand traced rapid circles around your clit, beckoning you to cum around his length. "Cum around me baby.. I want to feel you tighten around your King.. nghh Say my name, Y/n, say my name! Scream your Kings' name baby!" His thrusts became more and more desperate, his rapid movements becoming sporadic, his cock twitching inside of you as he felt his own release approaching. You moaned out his name as your body tensed. Your orgasm ripping through you causing your back to arch and your legs to lock him inside of you. "Fuck... I'm going to fill you up so good baby.. I'm going to make you mine... my Queen.. mine... ghhh.." He locked lips with you and gave a final thrust before his cock painted your walls. His cum filling your pussy, the pressure nearly sending you into another orgasm.

He gave out a relieved whine moan before breaking the kiss, panting heavily, sweat dripping from his chest onto your stomach. His cock still twitched inside of you as he grinded back into your used pussy. His piercings on his shaft sending shockwaves through your overly sensitive body.

"I'm not done with you yet... My Queen.. we still have until dawn.." he huskily laughed.

He did say you were going to be his all night.

#bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #mha imagines #mha x reader #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bakugou katsuki #lemon #bakugou lemon #n/s/f/w #smut #bakugou smut #fantasy au #bnha fantasy au #mha fantasy au

[needtobreathe-throughsmoke]

By James Shotwell

Love is a rebellious act. Anyone can light a fire or throw a punch, but not everyone is comfortable being vulnerable. Love requires vulnerability. More than anything else, love demands that we position ourselves to be hurt over and over again. Some would claim that such decisions are a sign of insanity, but anyone who has ever known true love will tell you that it's always worth the risk. The warmth of a loving embrace is perhaps the most comforting force on this planet. To be seen and accepted for who you are rather than what you hope others believe you to be is the most empowering experience in life.

NEEDTOBREATHE understand risk. For the better part of two decades now, the South Carolina rock band has consistently challenged themselves and their fans to be more transparent. Their songs rip open every scar and suture we use to hide our weakest moments and worst traits in hopes of bringing understanding and empathy into the world. For them, building community is everything, and the only way to forge a foundation of lasting bonds is through unwavering truth. They ask listeners to find comfort in being themselves and demand they make spaces for others to do the same. As Kurt Cobain would say, “Come as you are.”

“Into the Mystery,” the lead single off NEEDTOBREATHE's eighth studio album of the same name, finds the road-weary group recommitting themselves to their purpose. It's a love song written for anyone who needs to feel less alone. Some will undoubtedly interpret the lyrics as a cry to Christ or God or some higher power, but I don't feel such connections are necessary. A savior is anyone or anything that reaches through the fog of fear and discomfort to make you feel like you belong. It's not about some physical form that rushes into bad times and saves you as it is a feeling you get when you know you can breathe easy, even if only for a moment. As the lyrics describe:

Love is not a cage, love is not a path

Love's a steady hand waiting for the storm to pass

You loved me then when you needed me

But will you still when it's not so easy

Growing up, I always idolized my grandfather. He was a Presbyterian preacher who spent most of his life doing good deeds for the communities that welcomed him. There was no potluck, fundraiser, wedding, funeral, or graduation party he would not attend. If someone lost their spouse, he made sure they were fed and cared for as long as it took for them to process their grief. If someone needed a man of faith to oversee their wedding, he was their man. He would put the world before himself and never think twice. For him, acts of service were his purpose. He knew that making people feel like they were a part of something bigger than themselves was of the utmost importance.

I remember countless days where I watched as my grandfather welcomed a revolving door of people into his home and office for the sole purpose of offering them comfort. I never really knew what they were going through, and I got the sense that he didn't either, but it didn't matter. People were suffering. They had money problems, romantic entanglements, demanding children, and unruly relatives. Some had received news from their doctors that things were never going to get better. Others didn't even know what was wrong, but they could not shake the feeling that nothing would ever be good ever again. Maybe my grandfather couldn't always give them what they wanted, but he gave them what they needed. Sometimes, just being there is enough.

You don't need God to believe in the power of community. A shared belief in an omnipresent being certainly helps create spaces where people can gather and share, but it's not a requirement. All that you need is a willingness to be vulnerable with strangers. To find within yourself the strength to accept others as they are and to admit the things you are not. If you can shake loose from the shackles of whatever lies you tell yourself to avoid getting to the heart of what makes you tick, then you can find yourself surrounded by others who feel just as lost as you, and through that shared understanding, beautiful things can unfold.

I don't know everything the members of NEEDTOBREATHE believe, but I know they recognize the tremendous power of music. Their songs are open calls to people in need of something. They are moments in time committed to tape for the sole purpose of providing comfort in a world of endless chaos and heartache. Like a letter from someone that you haven't seen in ages, "Into The Mystery" is a reminder that we are never truly alone as long as we have songs. We are always just a few clicks or gestures on a stereo away from feeling the sonic embrace of people who, like you and I, are doing their best to make sense of something nobody in the history of humankind has been able to comprehend.

To end here without acknowledging that sometimes a song or album isn't enough would downplay the sense of longing and isolation that many of us feel. When those times arise, I recall a passage from mindfulness leader Ram Dass that I recently had tattooed onto my right arm. He believed that what often weighs us down is our obsession over everything other than what is happening right now. We are worried about what will happen next week or overthinking actions from the past. Ram Dass found that the best cure for these moments of anxiety is to reset yourself. As he wrote in his iconic work Be Here Now:

Ask yourself: Where am I?

Answer: Here.

Ask yourself: What time is it?

Answer: Now.

Say it until you can hear it.

We control so very little of our lives that it is astounding any of us make it through any given day without total catastrophe befalling us. We are infinitesimally tiny creatures on a small blue ball suspended in infinite space that is constantly expanding. There may be life beyond our planet, but it doesn't matter because most of us don't even know our neighbors. We are painfully alone in almost every way you can measure such a thing, and yet our spirits endure immeasurable hardship because that is what humans have always done. The only moments of relief we get are when we gather and connect through whatever means are available to us. In those moments, we are fully alive in the present, and that is where I want you to exist.

We are sons and daughters

We are flesh and dust

We are pulled from the wreckage

We are not alone

We are lovers broken

We are vicarious dreams

We are tumbling in space out of control

Into the mystery

Into the mystery

If you feel alone right now, please know that I, too, will follow you into the mystery. Who knows? It may be the adventure of a lifetime.

A serious question

Someone recently asked me if I had any long-term goals for my newsletter. The question honestly left me a bit speechless. As much as I may have made a career out of writing, I have never been one to know where I was going from one moment to the next. The fact I've written nearly a dozen of these over the last year is nothing short of a miracle. I like to believe that I will continue writing for as long as I have thoughts to share, but I am genuinely surprised every time a new idea strikes.

I had to tell you that quick story so that you understood the following thought. I don't know what will become of this newsletter in six months or a year, but I want the stories and perspectives I share here to exist outside these emails. My solution is to gather together every essay I've written over the last 2 to 3 years and release them in a tangible, physical form. I want you to be able to hold my words close to your heart. I want to gather dust on your bookshelf.

With that in mind, I'm asking: Would you buy a collection of my writing? I know money is hard to come by for many of you, so I'm thinking of creating a zine or short-run paperback that will cost $10 or less. It's not about making money for me. I would probably donate the revenue to a nonprofit. As much as I want to make a career out of my creativity, part of me believes that communicating thoughts and ideas should be a pure act. If I start doing it for the money, then I've already lost my way.

So — let me know! Do you want a book of my essays in your home?

#needtobreathe #bear rinehart #seth bolt #josh lovelace #randall harris #into the mystery #James shotwell #article #tyler burkum

[randomoneshotsblog]

𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱

𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟭

Summary: Y/N is sent for the fight with Simmons but things didn't go as she expected.

Warnings: none (RE6 Leon)

Words: 1972

Author's note: This is going to have a part2 just you wait guys 💞🤧 also you can send requests😌 sorry if there are any typos

Y/N POV

I'm on my way to the battle against Simmons, yeah he himself. Derek C. Simmons, National Security Adviser. It happened all over again, Raccoon City. The EUA called me on behalf of Leon who called for backup. But they sent just me.

Leon didn't know that I was going, but he thought that they were going to send a few soldiers, so did I. The only one that knows that I'm going is Chris Redfield, my best friend.

Leon is my boyfriend of 6 months. We met each other on the tragedy of Raccoon City. Until today I cant believe that a good thing came out of there. Leon and i were trained together, when we got out of the city. After that, we are inseparable.

I'm in the chopper for 10 minutes and we haven't arrived yet. I have my back against the chopper's wall and my hands holding the pendant that Leon gave me in our first date.

I tried to convince him for me to go with him, but he said that it was too dangerous, he begged. So I stayed.

"We're almost there." The pilot said breaking my thoughts.

I get up and take a look at the window, I glimpse a thing flying.

"What is that?" I think.

Immediately I realise what it is. A missel coming towards the chopper.

"WATCH OUT!" I scream but there was no time, the missel had already exploded the chopper down.

LEON POV

Helena and I just got off the water close to the rails where apparently we defeated Simmons. Finally, I hope it all ends and goes back to normal. I wanna go back home, to Y/N. I miss her, so much.

When we arrive at the top of the stairs, we found a few soldiers evacuating the city. It's the best thing to do in the moment.

"Leon, Leon, come in. Sherry Birkin and Jake Muller were abducted and taken to an undersea oil field about 80 miles from you." Hunnigan speaks on the earpiece. I look at Helena.

"Abducted? What do you mean?" I ask, with a tone of worry.

" I've got a Chris Redfield on the line."

"Chris Redfield?" I think.

"Leon, are you there?" I put my finger above the earpiece to hear better.

"Yeah, I'm here. Look Chris, an agent Sherry Birkin and Jake Muller were abducted. I know that you're mission is close to an undersea oil field, I need you to rescue them. He's Wesker's son." I warn him, knowing he has a dark past with him.

"Wesker?" He asks with a tone of hesitation on his voice.

"Chris, he's the key to stop the C-virus." A silence falls on us. This is our only chance. Helena looks at me shaking her head. I sigh.

"Alright, got it. On my way." His answer relieves me. We don't have to worry with them anymore, I trust Chris and I know he will save them.

"Great. Thank you." I'm about to hang over when he calls me.

"Leon, wait..." I hear his breath and that is driving me anxious and a not so good feeling takes over me.

"Y/N is dead." My world stops, I just listen my heart beating, faster than normal.

"The government sent her in a chopper, I got the news just now that it was knocked down, no survives." In this moment I froze. The love of my life, was gone. Not her, please don't.

"Leon, come in. Look man, I'm shocked too she was my best friend, dammit. I got go, stay safe." With that he hanged over. I still don't believe his words. She cant be dead, no. I dont accept it.

Helena comes close noticing my situation, she tries to put her hand on my shoulder but I walk away, scared.

"Leon, calm down. Breath." I fall in tears.

"My God." I whisper.

Not her.

Y/N POV

The famous bad luck. I managed to get out of the chopper in time with my hook but I ended up falling and I now I have a metal stuck to my thigh.

"Wonderful." I think feeling the pain. I have to get this out, it's just going to bother me if I let.

I enter an alley and sit on the ground. I'm lucky I brought first aid kit. This wound it's not looking good.

I take the metal, closing my eyes. Better take it fast, that passes fast. I give it a pull not taking it fully, I let out a scream of pain. Ouch, it hurts. I give it another pull, taking out fully. I let out another scream. I clean the wound and make a band aid, tied to my thigh.

"It's gonna be a scar." I think trying to get up leaning on the wall. I have to continue the mission, even if I'm limping.

The only clue I have it's that I have to go to a tower. I got a shortcut, arriving there in 15 minutes.

When I get there, everything is so quiet and destroyed, really. I think a fight happened here, with Simmons maybe. My leg is still hurting but I'm not limping anymore.

"That's good and weird at the same time." I think making a face and going towards the elevator.

Even at times like this, I'm dumb. If Leon was here, he would kiss me and say that I'm not dumb even in the slightest. I miss him, it's been two weeks since he was at home, I didn't have news from him ever since. I hope I meet him.

While thinking I enter the elevator and lean my body on the wall. " Badly got here and everything's already shit." I say frustrated and let out a laugh.

I see through the elevator's glass door, the whole city on fire, Raccoon city all over again. This never ends.

Breaking through mu thoughts, I hear a noise, not good I suppose. The elevator stopped. I dont know why but I have a feeling that it will fall. I feel someone or something kneading the top of the elevator, with that I get out of it and jump to a lower surface. I jump and roll, feeling the pressure on my thigh. When I look back, the elevator falls and above it, it's who I bet it is. Simmons in his mutant form.

"Shit!" I run to the other edge away from him, and take my machine gun. He jumps to the surface and I start shooting at him, but he doesn't stop moving.

"Son of a bitch." I whisper. A few shots hit him but he still managed to come towards me.

I feel the surface almost falling, I take my hook and shoot to a surface above me.

I take my rifle and start shooting, but I hear shooting noises behind me. I look behind me and I see Leon and Helena on a surface far away from me. I get back to Simmons that returned to his human form, for a short time.

I run to him, still feeling my thigh hurting and pin him to the ground. I throw punches at him until I notice that he's going to transform again.

I get away and noticed that he's going towards Leon and Helena, that are climbing an elevator rope. I take my rifle and start shooting at him again.

"Not him!" I say shooting my last bullet that didn't solve nothing. Damn, out of ammo.

"Fuck!" I lost all focus when I'm going to get more ammo from my pocket, not knowing Simmons was planning his next attack.

He pushes me, I lost balance making my head hit the ground, next he hits my thigh. I scream in pain. I try to crawl back but my legs and arms give in. I start to whimper and squirm. Everything's hurting. My eyes are so blurry, I cant see very well, so I close them.

It's over. Everything. I see all my life pass through my eyes, each moment, each memory.

"Y/N!!" I hear far away not knowing who exactly said it.

Suddenly I feel someone beside me and warm hands on my shoulders.

Leon.

"Babe, please, stay with me." Leon says worried and relieved at the same time. I feel him laying me on his thigh.

"Wake up, you can do it. I cant lose you." He says, his voice broken, that makes my heart ache.

"Ah, Love, a weakness. Only destroys."

Simmons says getting close.

"Not from my point of view." Leon shoots back. I feel a twinge on my thigh.

"Ahh!" I force my eyes closed. I raise my hand to search for Leon's face.

"Le...on" I mumble. He takes my hand and puts on his chest, where his heart is. I can feel his heart beating so fast. I try to open my eyes but it's still blurry. I can see Simmons getting closer from us. I turn my head to Leon, I catch a glimpse of his blue eyes, asking me if I'm okay.

Leon protects me when Simmons does his attack. I hug him for dear life, still feeling the pain on my leg.

When the attack is over, we pull apart and look at each other, I notice his red eyes. He sighs and I give a weak smile.

He gets up and helps me get up too, I'm still limping. Simmons coming in our direction.

"Stay close. The leg doesn't look good." He says aiming at Simmons with his wing shooter and mentioning to my thigh.

I reload my rifle, Leon and I shoot at him at the same time.

"Helena, a little help here." I say in the earpiece, letting out a laugh. Leon, besides me, does the same.

Simmons gets knocked down, we get closer to him until he gets up and throws Leon to the edge making him fall.

"Leon! You bastard!" I say to Simmons.

"Do you want to live? Then begg! Begg for your life." He exclaims while kicking Leon's hand when he tries to get up.

"I'll pass." Leon says and I get my Magnum aiming to Simmon's head.

"Bye, bye, asshole." I shoot at him making him fall from the surface and Leon gets up.

I limp to Leon. "Are you okay?" Leon is standing looking. I'm getting worried. "Leon..." I'm interrupted by him sealing our lips.

He pulls me closer, closing the gap between our bodies. I close my eyes, enjoying the moment. His lips are so soft and his breath smells like mint. This man is perfect. His hands are on my waist and mine are passing to his neck to his hair. I tug at it making him growl. I open my mouth giving entrance to Leon's tongue. We are in a deep kiss full of love. He goes down starting to leave kisses on my neck, I gasp. Next, he pulls me to a hug like he never had the chance.

" I love you, I love you." He says, leaving me confused.

"Why is he like this?" I ask myself, but it's a fact that he was with red eyes.

I get away and look at his blue ocean eyes, still red. I raise my hand to his face, he closes his eyes, enjoying the moment.

"I love you too." I say, tearing down. I kiss his cheek, gently.

"I hate to break the moment but a chopper is on its way to get us back, I think it's better if you guys come here." I nod, laughing.

Leon look at my hands, taking them.

"Let's?" I nod.

We got to the chopper safely. Leon helped me walk, he even wanted to carry me but I said it wasn't needy.

I still have to talk to him.

#resident evil #resident evil 6 #re6 #leonkennedy #leonscottkennedy #leon kennedy imagines #leon kennedy #leon #oneshot #imagine

[motleyfuckingcruee]

The Outsider (Nikki Sixx x Reader)

Chapter 5

Summary:

It's your first night on the streets of LA. You have just arrived and you have nowhere to sleep. You meet Nikki at a bar and he offers to let you stay with him. You are the outsider.

Warnings:

Language, fluff, abuse, considering smut

THE SONG THIS IS BASED OFF OF:

The Outsider

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!

YOU CAN READ CHAPTER FOUR HERE

COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO BE ON A TAGLIST! OR GO TO MY BIO TO ADD YOURSELF TO ONE!

//

It's been two months since the band fully formed. Vince has been great! His voice fits what Nikki is going for perfectly. You've grown close with all of them. Even Mick.

It took a bit longer to break Mick's walls down, but you managed to do it. Underneath that scary demeanor, Mick is actually an insanely sweet guy. You think of him as your brother.

Usually when Tommy and Vince would go out drinking or go to strip clubs, You, Mick, and Nikki would stay at the apartment. You would drink and just talk. You love those nights. They're the most calming.

About a month ago they decided on the name Mötley Crüe for the band. It fits them well. Four people from different backgrounds coming together to make something fucking awesome. You couldn't be more proud.

Nikki wants to have elaborate shows in the clubs, almost as if they were playing at a stadium. You're not sure how that's going to work out, but as long as they're happy.

Tonight is their first show. Nikki has been freaking out all day. He's been pacing throughout the apartment all day.

You're sitting on the couch. Your eyes follow Nikki as he paces in the living room.

"Nik." No answer. His eyes are narrowed in thought. "Nikki." Still nothing. He doesn't even glance in your direction. "NIKKI SIXX!" You yell.

His eyes finally snap up to meet yours. He raises his eyebrows, seeming annoyed that you interrupted him.

"Why are you acting like this?" You laugh. "It's not like you've never been on stage before."

He walks over and flops down on the couch. He rests his head in your lap. He stretches out his legs, causing them to hang over the side of the couch. You start running your fingers through his soft black hair.

He sighs. "I just know that this band is going to do great. We've rehearsed a lot and it sounds good, but a band has to sound good together up on stage in front of people that aren't you and Vince's chick. Otherwise, it just won't work out."

You smile reassuringly. "You guys will do great. Quit your worrying and watch a movie with me. There's still like five hours before we have to go."

He smiles. "Or we could do something else."

"Don't make me push you off this couch."

"But we haven't had sex since last night!" Nikki whines.

You laugh. "Then you can wait until after the show."

He frowns, groaning. "Alright. What movie are we watching?"

-------

Multiple hours later, you sit backstage helping all the boys with their hair and makeup. You stand in front of Tommy, teasing his hair the best you can. He said he wanted it to be big. You're trying the best you can, but Tommy's hair isn't the most cooperative. And neither is Tommy.

"Tommy, sit still or I will duct tape you to the chair," You growl, gettimg more and more frustrated at him.

You move down to do his makeup.

He smirks at you. "Sounds kinky."

"Don't hit on my girlfriend, T-Bone," Nikki nearly yells from next to you.

You don't jump. You're used to his sudden outbursts. If he hadn't have yelled at Tommy you'd think he's sick.

"Nikki calm down. Go put on your fabulous outfit," You giggle, applying Tommy's lipstick.

"How long are you going to tease me about that?" Nikki groans, walking over to his bag. He pulls out a stripped singlet, his leather pants, and these red leather thigh high boots that are absolutely gorgeous.

"You made me go buy those boots for you because you didn't want too. I'm going to tease you about it for a long time," You pause, taking step back to observe your handiwork. You grab the stuff that Nikki gave you to apply the signature marks that Nikki came up with. "And the bad part is you won't let me wear the goddamn boots." You put two lines on Tommy's left cheek. "All done," You say, leaving Tommy and walking over to your overprotective boyfriend. You wrap your arms around his neck. In return he rests his hands on your hips. You kiss him on the cheek, not wanting to smudge his lipstick. "I love you."

This causes his frown to break into a smile. "I love you too."

He leans forward to press his lips against yours. You stop him with a grin on your face. He looks at you with a sad, confused expression.

"You're going to smudge your lipstick," You say. "And I'm not going to fix it."

"Damn it!" Nikki exclaims, turning around so that he can change his clothes.

You giggle at him. Vince walks over to you, grinning deviously.

"Does that mean I can get a kiss? I don't have any makeup on yet," He says.

You only roll your eyes. "In your dreams, Neil. I'll stick to kissing my boyfriend."

"One day," Vince says. "You'll kiss me."

"I highly doubt that, Vinny."

Just then some guy sticks his head through the door. "You guys need to get on the stage now."

They all nod, rushing out the door. Tommy gives you a kiss on the cheek. Nikki glares at him for a few moments, then walks over to kiss you.

"Have fun," You say.

You can still see the nervousness in his eyes. You don't understand why. He's been on stage before. It's nothing new. You know he explained it, but it still didn't make sense.

"I will," He responds, resting his forehead against yours. "Will you be front row?"

You nod, pecking his lips. "Aren't I always? I'm your biggest fan, Sixx. I always will be."

"Is that a promise?"

You nod. You pull away from him, even though you don't want to. You start pushing him out the door.

"Get your ass out on stage."

As he looks at you, you realize that he smudged his lipstick by kissing you. Goddamn it. You totally forgot in the heat of the moment.

You walk out from backstage. You make your way to the front row, smiling when you see that you're directly in front of Nikki. Vince introduces them, looking full of energy. Tommy starts the beat, Mick and Nikki quickly following not a second later. Vince's voice reverberates off of the bar's walls.

They sound fucking epic.

About an hour later they finish up their set. Nikki came off the stage, lifting you up in his arms and spinning you around.

"How'd we do?" He asks, breathless.

"Fucking amazing!" You exclaim, kissing him.

He smiled into the kiss, putting you back down on your feet.

"Man, the girl I remember never cussed," A familiar male voice says from behind you.

You turn, meet with the same blue eyes you've been avoiding. Fucking Jared.

"What do you want?" You nearly growl.

Jared holds his hands up innocently. "I just want to talk."

You bite your lip, looking at Nikki who is on edge. He looks like if Jared even takes another step towards you, he'll rip him to pieces.

"Alright," You sigh. "Nik, you can go ahead and go to our usual table. I'll meet you and the boys in a bit."

"Bu-," He tries, but you cut him off.

"I'll be fine," You say. "Go on."

He leans down and kisses you again. You know his lipstick got on your lips again, but you didn't really care.

You smile as he says, "Yell if you need me."

You nod, watching him give one last glare to Jared, then walking off.

You let Jared lead you outside. He leans against the brick wall of the bar. You pull your cigarettes out of pocket. Jared's eyes widen as you put the stick between your lips and light it. You take a drag, waiting for him to tell you the reason he dragged you out here.

"What do you want?" You repeat.

"I wanted to know why you left," He responds, watching you smoke with an odd expression on his face. It makes you feel uncomfortable.

"I was suffocating in that town. I needed to get out, and I did," You say simply.

Jared sighs. "When did he become apart of your life?"

"The day I got here," You answer, not really wanting to give him the full story. He doesn't deserve it.

You both stand quietly as you finish your cigarette. He watched you the entire time. That suffocating feeling you felt where you were raised comes washing over you once again. Fuck.

You stomp the cigarette out. You turn to back in the bar. "Well if that's it-."

You're cut off by Jared gripping your upper arm hard. So hard you're sure it'll leave bruises.

"What the fu-."

"You're not going anywhere," Jared growls, a familiar menacing glow in his eyes.

It's something you're used to. Something you endured for years. You thought you escaped it. With Jared back, you're prepared to take the beatings once again.

Tags:

All fics: @the--blackdahlia @sugar-content @sharon6713 @siliwanoel @charlyallise

Nikki: @moon-beame @slutfor-sixx @2dead2function @horrorpxnk

This fic: @celestica-1988 @miriampraez @scarecrowmax @fandomshit6000 @freddiessmallnipples

#motley crue #classic rock #rock #rocknroll #rock music #rockband #nikki sixx #fanfic #fanfiction #reader #reader insert #nikki sixx x reader #nikki x reader

[gerryconway]

Stan the Man

Since the news of Stan Lee's death I've wanted to write something meaningful about my own feelings for him, what he represented to me as a creator and as a human being, and what kind of impact his life had on my life. For many reasons (I was dislocated by the Woolsley Fire and haven't fully settled down since our return) I haven't had a chance to give such an in-depth appraisal much thought. Honestly, I doubt I could do a full appraisal of Stan's importance in my life even under the best of circumstances. His work and presence as an icon and as a human being helped form who I am today. To write a full appreciation of Stan I'd have to write my autobiography.

Among my most vivid childhood memories is my discovery of the Fantastic Four with issue 4, the first appearance of the Sub-Mariner. I was nine years old, and I'd been a comic book reader for years at that point. I knew about Superman, I knew about Batman, I'd read the early issues of Justice League. I was a compulsive reader, voracious (still am)-- devoting hours a day to books and stories and comics and even my parents' newspapers. (Both my parents were avid readers. My dad read science fiction, my mom loved mysteries.) I vividly recall the astonished joy I felt when my mom took me to our local library and got me my first library card. I was six, I think, and the reality of a roomful of books just for kids seemed like a gift from heaven. I won all the reading awards at school-- any competition for reading the most books in a year was over as far as I was concerned the first week. By nine, I'd already graduated from "age appropriate" books for pre-teens to Heinlein's juveniles, Asimov's robot stories, and the collected Sherlock Holmes stories of Arthur Conan Doyle. I was a total reading nerd.

And then came Fantastic Four.

I've never been hit by lightning but I have to imagine the shock might be similar to what I experienced reading that early adventure of Reed Richards, Sue Storm, her kid brother Johnny, and Ben Grimm. If you weren't a comic book reader at that time you cannot imagine the impact those stories had. There's nothing comparable in the modern reader's experience of comics-- nothing remotely as transformative. (To be fair, I suppose both "The Dark Knight Returns" and "Watchmen" come close, but both remarkable works built on prior tradition and were perhaps a fulfillment of potential and creative expectations. The Fantastic Four was _sui generis_.) Over a series of perhaps five issues, a single year, Stan and Jack Kirby transformed superhero comics in an act of creative alchemy similar to transmuting lead into gold, and just as unlikely.

They also changed my life. Because Stan credited himself as writer and Jack as artist, he opened my nine year old eyes to a possibility I'd never really considered before: I could be something called a comic book "writer" or "artist."

Think about that, for a moment. Before Stan regularly began giving credits to writers and artists, comics (with a few exceptions) were produced anonymously. Who wrote and drew Superman? Who wrote and drew Donald Duck? Who wrote and drew Archie? Who knew? (Serious older fans knew, of course, but as far as the average reader or disinterested bystander knew, most comics popped into existence spontaneously, like flowers, or in some eyes, weeds.)

Stan did more than create a fictional universe, more than create an approach to superhero storytelling and mythology-- he created the concept of comic book story creation itself. Through his promotion of the Marvel Bullpen, with his identification of the creative personalities who wrote and drew Marvel's books, he sparked the idea that writing and drawing comics was something ordinary people did every day. (Yes, yes, to a degree Bill Gaines had done something similar with EC Comic's in-house fan pages, but let's be honest, EC never had the overwhelming impact on a mass audience that Marvel had later.) He made the creation of comic book stories something anyone could aspire to do _as a potential career_.

That's huge. It gave rise to a generation of creative talent whose ambition was to create comics. Prior to the 1960s, writing and drawing comic books wasn't something any writer or artist generally aspired to (obviously there were exceptions). Almost every professional comic book artist was an aspiring newspaper syndicated strip artist or an aspiring magazine illustrator. (Again, there were exceptions.) Almost every professional comic book writer was also a writer for pulp magazines or paperback thrillers. (Edmond Hamilton, Otto Binder, Gardner Fox, so many others-- all wrote for the pulps and paperbacks.) Comic book careers weren't something you aimed to achieve; they were where you ended up when you failed to reach your goal.

Even Stan, prior to the Fantastic Four, felt this way. It's an essential part of his legend: he wanted to quit comics because he felt it was stifling his creative potential, but his wife, Joan, suggested an alternative. Write the way you want to write. Write what you want to write. Write your own truth.

He did, and the rest, as the saying goes, is history.

When I picked up that issue of Fantastic Four, I was a nine year old boy with typical nine year old boy fantasies about what my life would be. Some were literal fantasies: I'd suggested to my dad a year or so earlier that we could turn the family car into the Batmobile and he could be Batman and I could be Robin and we could fight crime. After he passed on that idea I decided we could be like the Hardy family-- he could be a detective and I could be his amateur detective son, either Frank or Joe. Later I became more realistic and figured I could become an actor who played Frank or Joe Hardy in a Hardy Boy movie. In fact, by nine, my most realistic career fantasies involved either becoming an actor or an astronaut, and of the two, astronaut seemed like the more practical choice.

Stan and Marvel Comics gradually showed me a different path, a different possible career. By making comic books cool, by making them creatively enticing, and by making the people who created comics _real_ to readers-- Stan created the idea of a career creating comics.

Stan alone did this. We can argue over other aspects of his legacy-- debate whether he or his several collaborators were more important in the creation of this character or that piece of mythology-- but we can't argue about this. Without Stan's promotion of his fellow creatives at Marvel there would have been no lionizing of individual writers and artists in the 1960s. Without that promotion there would have been no visible role models for younger, future creators to emulate. Yes, some of us would still have wanted to create comics-- but I'd argue that the massive explosion of talent in the 1970s and later decades had its origin in Stan's innovative promotion of individual talents during the 1960s.

Nobody aspires to play in a rock band if they've never heard of a rock band. The Marvel Bullpen of the 1960s was comicdom's first rock band.

That was because of Stan.

For me, Stan's presence in the world gave direction and purpose to my creative life, and my creative life has given meaning and purpose to my personal life. I am the man I am today, and I've lived the life I've lived, because of him. From the age of nine on, I've followed the path I'm on because of Stan Lee. (So much of my personal life is entangled in choices I've made as a result of my career it's impossible for me to separate personal from professional.)

My personal relationship with Stan, which began when I was seventeen years old, is more complex and less enlightening. It's a truism your heroes always disappoint you, and I was often disappointed by Stan. Yet I never stopped admiring him for his best qualities, his innate goodness, his creative ambition and unparalleled instincts. People often asked me, "What's Stan really like?" For a long time I had a cynical answer, but in recent years I realized I was wrong. The Stan you saw in the media was, in fact, the real Stan: a sweet, earnest, basically decent man who wanted to do the right thing, who was as astounded by his success as anyone, and who was just modest enough to mock himself to let us know he was in on the joke. I imagine Stan was grateful for the luck of being the right man at the right place at the right time-- but it's true he _was_ the right man. No one else could have done what he did. The qualities of ego and self-interest that I sometimes decried in him were the same qualities needed for him to fulfill the role he played. In typical comic book story telling, his weaknesses were his strengths. And his strengths made him a legend and a leader for all who came after him-- particularly me.

This has been a rambling appreciation, I know. Scattered and disjointed. Like I said, trying to describe the impact Stan had on my life would require an autobiography.

When I started thinking about Stan in light of his death I realized, for the first time (and isn't this psychologically interesting?) that Stan was born just a year after my father. When I met him, as a teenager struggling with my own father as almost all teenage boys do, Stan probably affected me as a surrogate father figure. Unlike my own father, Stan was a symbol of the possibilities of a creative life. He was a role model for creative success, like other older men in my life at the time. But unlike them, he'd been a part of my life since I was nine years old. A surrogate father in fantasy before he partly became one in reality.

Now he's gone. Part of me goes with him, but the greater part of me, the life I've led and built under his influence, remains.

Like so much of the pop culture world we live in, I'm partly Stan's creation.

'Nuff said.

#stan lee #comics #superhero #pop culture #Spider-Man #punisher #creators

[damnthatnoise]

Darko The Super | Of Dogs & Devils | An Interview

Hip Hop has long been about bravado, skill, and how your personality can capture and pull the listener in even further than just your skillset. There have been many an MC who’s personality sometimes outshined the lyrical prowess for better or worse, but when I sit back and think of some of my favorite MC’s growing up (Redman, Slick Rick, Kool Keith, E-40, and Del to name a few) the personality often was near cartoonish with no real effort from the MC to make it appear that way. Enter MC Darko The Super who since first coming across his music via Already Dead Tapes has oozed oddball personality, and ever evolving skills as an MC. Darko is no joke rapper though, instead he is adept at delivering some stark reality raps littered with glints of humor we often use to cope with the pain of existence. 

Fresh off delivering one of my personal favorites last year in the form of Card Tricks For Dogs, he returns with his friend Steel Tipped Dove to give us The Devil Defeated, and makes a claim as one of the indie hiphop scenes freshest, most colorful, and promising voices making music. 

You can order the digital, cassette and SUPER vinyl copies of The Devil Defeated here, as well as all Darko The Super Items. 

The Devil Defeated by Darko The Super & steel tipped dove

_____________________________________________________________________

Damn That Noise: Darko The Super. What’s the origin of that name and what’s it come to mean to you now? 

Darko: I think Darko The Super was my gamertag on Xbox Live before it was my official artist alias. I did two albums as Evan Darko after I seen Donnie Darko in high school. It had a big impact on adolescent me. The Super comes from another big influence on me at the time, MF Doom. My favorite song my senior year was "Dead Bent". I thought the ending of Operation Doomsday was really cool. The way it let you decide between hero or villain. I was big into vigilante justice at the time. I wanted to be like my favorite superheroes. So that's where the name came from. Nowadays it's just a name. More people know me as Darko than my real name these days, so it'd be silly to change it. Name's don't define you. It doesn't matter much to me. Though I like it. 

DTN: You’ve had a pretty prolific young career given that you’ve dropped 10+ projects since 2011, but when we were taking recently you said you’ve just now started to feel like you now know your voice. What’s changed in the last couple of years to get you to that place? 

Darko: Since 2011 I may have done nearly 100 albums. Most haven't lasted. I've deleted and erased most of my material pre 2014 from the face of the internet. (If anyone has a Loser CD, please destroy it.) I put out 10 albums in 2018 alone. All better than the previous. "Watered Down Demon Fuzz" from 2017 is the album I truly found my voice on. I listened back to "Oh, No! It's Darko" for nostalgic purposes and it seems more like a comedy album than anything, and not that good of a comedy album either. I was 18 when I made the first album I put on cd and gave to everyone at shows when I was starting to go out and perform. It was called Loser, inspired by Beck. Next cd I made was a compilation, also terrible, but somehow it's going for $75 on Discogs. I personally don't like anything prior to 2016. "Carve a Happy Face  on my Tombstone" had a few good songs. Those were transformative years. My perspective on life has changed severely. It's hard to be happy with things you create when you're not even happy with who you are. I think in finding myself, I found my voice too. Life will always be a mystery. But at least I'm more comfortable in my own skin at the moment. Therefore more comfortable in my art. 

DTN: Why erase the evidence of growth though? If anything that could show folks the rapid progression of Darko? 

Darko: I'd prefer to leave a better first impression. Maybe I'm too insecure to show people my progression. It's also just a matter of that not being the way I feel anymore as far as the way I wrote back then. 

DTN: Your style is a bit unorthodox in that you kind of dance all over the pocket of the beats, and your inflections seem to change at the drop of a hat. I know E-40 and DOOM are a couple favorites of yours but who else’s impressed a young Darko and helped give us the man we have now? Who made you say “I think this is something I want to do!!”?

Darko: Murdoc and MyGrane McNastee from Orlando, Florida were a couple of the first independent rappers I got into from watching the Wake Up Show freestyles on Youtube. They were big influences on me. From there I got into MF Doom, Madlib, and J Dilla. During the datpiff era, I got really into Charles Hamilton's mixtapes. I was a big fan of a web series around that time called Internet Celebrities. Through them I found out about Das Racist. I remember listening to them for the first time on MySpace. I saw Big Baby Gandhi in a video with them. Later on his Debut would become one of my favorite albums. I was really into going on hip hop blogs. I remember watching Open Mike Eagle rap "Qualifiers" in a laundromat and having my mind blown. He told me Serengeti was his favorite rapper which had me watching every Kenny Dennis video I could find. Dennehy became my favorite album. I got into Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire from seeing the Last Huzzah video with Das Racist, El-P, Despot, and Danny Brown. That's still my favorite posse cut. From checking out rap battles I got into Soul Khan who I remember posting about Homeboy Sandman's album The Good Sun. Blogs also got me listening to every Blu song. Her Favorite Color was something special to me. All those artists were huge in developing my approach. Nowadays my favorite rappers of all time are E-40, Serengeti, and Kool Keith

DTN: Card Tricks for Dogs feels like your most fully formed artistic statement yet and The Devil Defeated feels like the exclamation point showing folks you’re a real force. What helped bring those two records to life?

Darko: Both albums took a long time to come together, which usually isn't the case for me. I remember writing some of those Card Tricks for Dogs tracks while on vacation with my girlfriend and her family. I had tons of beats from my good friend and longtime collaborator Phil Ford aka BLKrKRT (Blacker Karat) loaded on my phone for those trips. I started it shortly after meeting Steel Tipped Dove for the first time. I released an album of his on my label and he offered to mix and master some tracks for me. So this was the first solo album of mine I let someone else do all the mixing for. I took my time with it and let it come together naturally. I believe everything happens at it's own time. As for The Devil Defeated, that album started out as a project called Contemplating Lonely Stuff, inspired by a Serengeti lyric. It was for the most part produced by Height Keech and Steel Tipped Dove. Eventually I decided to do albums with each of them separately. The album with Dove was pretty far along in the process and originally I wanted to call it "Playing Skee-Ball With Zev Love X" but we both agreed that was kinda corny and not many people would get what we were referencing. Then I heard the news of Daniel Johnston passing away, who is a hero of mine. I listened to nothing but Daniel for a few days straight and a few lyrics in particular stuck out to me. The one that landed was "The Devil Defeated" another possibility was My Yolk is Heavy. Me and Dove made over 20 songs for this album and eventually narrowed it down to the most cohesive project we could. We'll be doing a follow up of course. That's in the works now. I'm very proud of this album. My favorite track is a story I wrote based on a song called "Suzy's Face" by my favorite punk band, The Spits. I had to convince Dove on that one. There's another track I tried to convince him about too, but that will never see the light of day since I ended up agreeing with him. 

DTN: You’ve has a chance to work with a lot of interesting and well loved folks. How the hell did the tracks with Lil’B, Charles Hamilton, Denmark Vessey and others come about? 

Darko: I did an album called “Thank You BasedGod” dedicated to Lil B. I produced a track for him way back in 2014. He reached out to me after TYBG and offered to do a track together. So I sent him a couple  Steel Tipped Dove beats and he chose the one that ended up on the album. Later I saw Charles Hamilton posting about doing features. I sent him the Lil B track since that’s a dream collaboration of mine. Lil B is a big Charles Hamilton fan, and they’re both internet gurus of their eras. Charles conquered the blog era by releasing tons of free albums on his own blog, landing on all the mixtape sites. Lil B mastered social media and became a marketing genius, even transpiring music. I’m proud to say the first time they worked together was with me. As for getting Denmark Vessey on the album, he had already worked with Dove and toured with my good friends, The Difference Machine. I was the one who showed them his album Buy Muy Drugs while I was out in Atlanta for a week. That album’s my favorite of the decade. He had posted about doing features so I sent him an email and made it happen. 

DTN: You’ve released a lot of projects via Already Dead Tapes as well as starting UDDTBA. What is the connection with ADT and why start your own label? What have you learned from ADT and how has the played into how you run your label?

Darko: Already Dead Tapes taught me everything I need to know about running a record label. I met them in 2014 when I sent over my latest at the time “Oh, No! It’s Darko.” They were nice enough to release that on cassette. Soon after they invited me to play their weekend long festival in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I brought along ialive and we booked our first tour. Staying in Kalamazoo at the Knights Inn we recorded an album together and formed the now infamous duo The Hell Hole Store. From there we’ve played the Already Dead fest every year and I’ve released quite a few albums on Already Dead Tapes. U Don’t Deserve This Beautiful Art was grown out of wanting to support my friends and artists I admire. I brought on my best buds Steel Tipped Dove and Harvey Cliff to help me run things. Now the sky’s the limit. 

DTN: “Suzy” is life a very interesting record as is “lo-fi princess” off of The Devil Defeated. You mentioned the influence for “Suzy” came from another artists song...how’d this end up on your record and why? Also what’s the idea behind “Lo-Fi..”? 

Darko: During my commute one day I listened to The Spits first self titled album. I hadn’t played it in a while and instantly remembered why they’re the best. One song in particular stuck with me throughout that ride, “Suzy’s Face”. I decided to write a song building off of their track. Almost like taking a short story and creating a movie. I tried to describe in detail about why someone would shoot Suzy in the face at a high school dance. So that’s what I came up with. Lo-fi princess 2 is a sequel to the original from “Watered Down Demon Fuzz” both love songs to my girlfriend, Alora. I liked the phrase cos it reminded me of “Bow-tie Daddy” by Frank Zappa. Now that I think of it, an actual Lo-fi princess would be an anime babe trapped in the track art of a SoundCloud beat. We’d have to defeat the chill hop brigade to save her. 

DTN: You and iAlive have a really dope chemistry and have two very different styles but similar energies that work so well off of each other. What makes that partnership work and why’d you guys want to keep it going after the one hotel infused brainstorming session?

Card Tricks For Dogs by Darko The Super & BLKrKRT

Darko: We kept it going cos there were more hotel sessions to be had. On tour you’re on the highway with a lot of time on your hands. That’s where most of our songs and ideas come from. We set up shop where ever we’re staying and start to bring these ideas to life. The people seem to like us and we enjoy performing together. That’s what keeps the hell hole going. We survive off friendship and fun times. 

DTN: Okay sir Darko. You can only eat at two fast food places for the next year because you lost a bet. Where you going??

Darko: Obviously Taco Bell is numero uno, I’m a big Taco Bell enthusiast. Next would be Wendy’s, best fast food burgers by me, and they got those spicy nuggets. Plus I heard their salads are good too, which I would need a salad every now and then. I don’t think this is too far off from my normal diet. Worst thing that could happen is I have a heart attack. But I’m on that path anyway. Maybe I’ll start exercising. Maybe. 

DTN: What are you picking if you only have Thor and Spider-Man as costumes for Halloween?!

Darko: Spider-Man of course. I could pull off a husky Spider-Man. Family Guy made it look good. I’d need the fake muscles for Thor. Fake muscles never look good. I don’t have the luxurious hair either. 

DTN: What’s the writing process like for you?! Do you let the beat decide the direction? Do you have an idea or some lyrics written and you locate a beat that fits?

Darko: Either or. Writing always comes to me. It’s second nature. If it doesn’t come to me, I don’t write. That’s all there is to it. I only write when I’m inspired. That’s an easy way to go about it. My number one thing is creativity, I don’t wanna be complex or even an intellectual. I want my lyrics to be universally understood. 

DTN: So what’s next on the horizon for Darko The Super?

Darko: Next up I’m working on an album with skits from a comedian friend of mine. He does tons of great characters and videos as Hot Talent Buffet. I think he’s a comedic genius. I’m also working on an album sampling nothing but my favorite band 10cc, titled “Strawberry Studios Jam ‘72” and another album sampling one of my favorite songwriters, Dean Friedman. The Dean and I have a 7” record on the way with my remix of his classic “McDonald’s Girl” on the B side with the original on the A side. I have a couple other collaborative albums coming along. The artist they’re with wants me to hold off announcing it until they’re ready, but I will say it’s a dream collaboration and I’m very excited for it. 

_____________________________________________________________________