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#i am running on so little sleep rn it's insane
sleepis4theweak · 11 months
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Yeah no so I've got literally zero context for this one...
Feel free to make up your own.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months
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...
#focus who? i dont kno her#its so bad. i csnt focus at all. and ive got way too much to do. take me back to last week where i spent hours reading papers#annoying. also possibly lack of sleep cstching up with me#do u ever get very little sleep and not miss it at all? yea bitch all the time. then i get depressed and its sleepy time#and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol#maybe ill just do nothing and completely fuck over my sunday lol#maybe i should go run up thr mountain rn before im stuck in a car for 2 hrs#bc im getting spikes of being insane. unfortunately i have no emotional object permanence so when i feel crazy its like#ive always felt like this ans its terrible forever. and then immediately afterward im like lol wot? nah im fine. ive always been fine#shout out to mood swings ✌️ like bro im trying to get materials together so i can teach a class. can u shut the fuck up? and focus?#well see how i do today with a ton of socializing. itll b fine. im normal i can b normal#or i can b endearing quirky. or whatever i usually i am. i dont think i have conversations like a normal person but i cant tell bc im not#there for conversations im not in. whatever everyone else has conversations in a way thats boring. i just wanna grill ppl til i understand#how they work. and then feel like im gonna die if im in a group conversation 🙃 let me study thr ppl around me#bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful#ok maybe not cool. but i think i can get away with being interesting. i got at least a lil charisma. im only a bit horribly awkward ;-]#but i try to own it. wtf was i saying. jesus. i cant with my brain rn. i shoulf have gone for a run this morning#being social just makes me anxious so im babbling i guess. but itll b fun. and itll b pretty im sure#maybe ill try to draw my ocs while im not paying attention. ive neglected them for so long 😭#unrelated
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fcthots · 6 months
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One more because I have so many thoughts rn🤭
Soft Jay and just cuddling with him to sleep but you're feeling a little Adventurous 🤭😏
I know damn well he'll never deny you because he literally wants you all the time
-🌊
The cuddling was innocent…at first. Normal spooning, his arms protectively wrapped around you.
His fingers were trailing up and down your sides. It lit a fire under your skin. There was no way you were going to fall asleep now. He was doing it innocently. You knew that. He just loved to run his hands over your skin. It was sweet!
But right now it was driving you insane. He doesn’t seem to notice the way you try to rub your thighs together, but either way it offers you no relief. His hand makes its way to your stomach, and you can’t help it anymore.
You move your hips back into his. You can’t see his face, but you can picture the expression. His entire body freezes, unsure if you moved into him on purpose or not. Was it an innocent gesture or anything but?
You’ll have to clear up any confusion.
You put your hand over his, guiding it under your shirt and higher. You press his hand into your tit and squeeze.
He chuckles. “I won’t lie. I did not see this coming, …but I am not complaining.”
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fandoms-writings · 5 months
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Pursuit
Pairing: Nomad!Steve x Agent!Reader
Word Count: 1.7K
Summary: Requested by anon - "Don't go where I can't follow, I thought I lost you"/"Honey, you're exhausted, go back to sleep."
Warnings: it's angsty, reader curses, but that's about it.
A/N: I promise I'm working on getting through these requests, life is just insane rn and i've been trying to get into some digital art, so i'm a little busy rn.
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The second Steve stepped through the door of their latest safehouse, he knew something was off. The hair on the back of his neck stood at attention and he honed in all of his senses to focus on his surroundings. The others were still on their way, they'd all taken different routes here to at least try not to bring attention here, though it seemed like that didn't matter in the end. 
If the house was compromised, they'd need to make a swift exit, hopefully without killing anyone. But that also meant they had one last place they could safely hide from SHIELD. 
He steeled himself before taking cautious steps through the front room, back to the kitchen where he would check the dining room before heading up the stairs to clear the bedrooms. But there was something that caught his attention in the dining room. 
It looked like someone was seated there at the table in the dark. He clenched his fist, bracing himself for whatever was coming, and turned the light on. 
He thought he'd been found, that sitting at the table was an agent, waiting to bring him in. Or maybe even a Hydra agent, ready to kill him. For a second, he thought Nat could've been there - she did like to scare the crap out of him every now and then. 
But when that light turned on, it was worse than any of those outcomes. It was a sight that had his heart aching in his chest. 
You were seated at the table, staring at him with a gaze of steel, your hands folded over a gun on the table. 
He took a breath to steady himself from the shock of seeing you before taking a tentative step into the room. He didn't think he'd ever see you again if he was being honest with himself, not after he left SHIELD. 
"You were harder to track down than I thought you'd be," Your voice filled the room and he barely kept himself from flinching. You never spoke to him like this, cold and emotionless, he'd heard it in interrogations that you lead, but it was never aimed at him. "I suppose Nat's to thank for that." 
"What are you doing here?" He asked, trying to take a subtle glance around the room to see if you'd bought anyone with you. 
"It's just us, you can stop being paranoid." 
He glanced back to you, only letting his shoulders drop slightly before he gripped the back of the chair in front of him. "Why are you here?" 
You scoffed, rolling your eyes, "Not even a 'hey baby, i missed you' huh?" You leaned back in your chair, folding your arms across your chest, "No, 'sorry I left you behind when we went on the run'?" 
He sighed, hanging his head. "I didn't want to leave you there." He muttered. 
"Bull shit," You snapped, "You know I would've dropped everything for you." 
He nodded at his feet, "I know. I'm sorry." 
"Sorry isn't gonna cut it this time, Steve." 
He lifted his head to look at you when your voice broke over his name, the tension in his shoulders from the day falling, replaced by a new stress. The way you were looking at him was devastating. Your jaw was clenched as you fought the wobble in your lips. The bags under your eyes were more prominent than he'd ever seen before, and your chest was heaving in uneven breaths as you kept yourself together. 
"I know," He started, "I know an apology isn't enough. But I am sorry." Slowly, he rounded the table until he stood three from you, his eyes glancing down to your shaking hands as you gripped your arms. "I wanted to come get you, but I didn't know if your department had been compromised or not. I also didn't want to force you to become federally wanted by the government, and there definitely wasn't enough time to talk about it." 
You were silent, watching him out of the corner of your eye as he pulled out the chair next to you, taking a seat and leaning his elbows on his knees. 
"The plan was to contact you when things calmed down," He explained, "It's just taken a lot longer than I thought it would." 
You let out a wet scoff, your voice tight as you said, "You're Captain America, Steven, on the run. What did you think? That they'd forget about you after a few days?" 
The attitude, the sass you gave him warmed his heart a bit - it meant you weren't so mad at him that it wasn't fixable, so he let out a small breath. 
"I don't know," He muttered, "With everything going on, I guess I didn't really think about it." 
"No shit." Your voice broke and he watched the first tear break through your lashes. He reached up, brushing it away with his knuckles before cupping your face, his heart aching in his chest like it was trying to reach for yours. They'd been off the grid for weeks now - weeks that he hadn't been able to hold you, to kiss you, to just be with you. 
"I'm so sorry, baby," He whispered, leaning so far forward that he slid out of his chair, gently landing on his knees in front of you. 
"Did you really think I wouldn't come for you?" You asked and he shook head. 
"I wasn't sure," he muttered, "I didn't know how tight of a leash they'd have on you because of who you are to me." His brows pulled together in thought and his paranoia began to creep back up the back of his neck. "How did you get out?" 
You smirked down at him, not bothering to wipe at the tears he was catching with his knuckles, "Don't you remember who trained me?" 
He huffed a laugh at that. Nat had trained you when you first joined SHIELD - before he was even brought out of the ice. And you two were like peas in a pod. But when you started dating Steve, the higher ups moved you to a different department, to avoid internal conflict and possible distraction in the field. 
He had no doubt that you didn't leave a trail here - hell, you could've even faked your death to get out from under their thumb. But as he stared up at you, at those tears still falling and the exhaustion swimming in your eyes, he decided that was a talk for tomorrow. Maybe even the day after. 
You reached up to grip his wrists tight, your smirk falling, "Don't you ever go where I can't follow," your voice cracked as you struggled to keep it even. Immediately he understood you were talking about how they vanished into Wakanda to drop off Bucky. Even if you had been tailing them, which you probably were by then, you wouldn't have gotten in without T'Challa's approval. "I thought I lost you." 
All the breath was forced from his lungs as his chest caved. He pulled your head into the crook of his neck, keeping one hand to the back of your head and the other wrapping around to grip at the back of your kevlar suit. Your arms wound around him, holding him so tight, like you were scared he'd vanish again. 
"I won't," He promised the words into the kevlar covering your neck, "I promise." 
He held you like that until his knees went numb, pins and needles starting in his calves and feet, and he pulled away from you, standing again. He pulled you from your chair, taking you upstairs to one of the bedrooms with an adjoining bathroom. 
He showered with you, your eyes barely able to stay open as he peeled off your kevlar for you and washed the dirt and oils and who knew what else from your hair before soaping up the rest of you. Once he had the both of you clean and dry, he tucked you into the bed, curling around behind you, clinging to you. 
He'd been trying so hard not to think about how much he missed you these past few weeks. Focusing so much on keeping those who ran with him hidden and alive that having you here like this, asleep in his hold again, he realized just how much his heart ached for you. How much his soul itself had been crying out for you. 
And now you were here, in his arms as he finally let the fear of never seeing you again go. The fear that you'd been corrupted by the system. That you'd been compromised, or worse. 
He let it all go, savoring the time he had with you before there was a small knock on the door. The pattern of knocks told him it was Nat. 
Trying not to wake you as he got up was a fruitless effort as you turned to face his retreating form and you sat up. 
"Steve?" He turned back to you, "Where are you going?"
Your voice was so small, so tired but so nervous as you asked, the question hitting him in the chest. He walked back to you, cupping your cheeks and placing a kiss on the top of your head. 
"I'm just going to talk to Nat, I'll be right back," He gave you a small smile, "I promise." 
"I want to see her," You tried to get free of his hold to get out of bed but he stopped you. 
"You're exhausted honey," He said, softly pushing you to lie back down, "Go back to sleep. She'll be here in the morning, I'll make sure of it." 
"Okay," You sighed, submitting to the fatigue in your body as you easily slipped back to sleep. He pulled the blankets over you, tucking you back in before heading for the door again. 
His hand gripped the handle, and he turned back to look at you peacefully sleeping, smiling to himself before preparing to hear what the others had been through on their way here. 
Being on the run was going to be rough, and people would be pushed to their limits, but you were with him. And that's all he cared about now.
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As always, thank you for reading! Reblogs, comments, and likes are all appreciated!
If you enjoyed the story, please consider supporting me on my Ko-fi
I no longer do taglists, if you would like to be notified when i post, please follow my library blog and turn on notifications @remis-library​ <3
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beelsbignaturals · 1 year
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🐄 DEMON FORMS: BELPHEGOR 💤
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AN: thanks void for helping w the tags ♡♡♡ also jsyk my requests are open and I am gonna be working on them slowly but surely. I have a con in like... a little over a week? So I'm a lil busy rn but thank u for the love on my creepy demon posts. As always you can check the obey me world building tag on my blog to see the other parts of this series :3
inspiration for this part: honestly, nothing specific unless you count like,,, The Hat Man
TWs: body horror, possession, sleep paralysis, mentions of insanity, mentions of psychosis, lesson 16 mention, demons being demons
● Okay, Level 1.5 belphie is more common than a regular human looking belphie because he can't be bothered most of the time. Also, he doesn't like humans that aren't you, so why would he want to be palatable for them? He has permanent eyebags. He goes back and forth between blinking way too fast or not at all. Which …Is unsettling. He can stare for hours and fall asleep like that. He has cow ears, and his tail is out because he plays with the fluffy part as a stress response. It makes him feel safe (probably bc beel will brush his tail for him when it gets all tangled, and he secretly LOVES it. Puts him to sleep in seconds.) Speaking of sleep, if you look directly at Belphie, he is very…. Fuzzy looking. Like you just woke up and everything's blurry, but it's only him that looks like this. 
Today is the day you learn demons can purr. You knock on the door of the twins' room, entering when you hear a quiet "come in." Perhaps you expected to see Belphie napping on Beel's back while the larger twin does push-ups. You certainly didn't think you'd see the pair sitting on the floor, Belphegor's tail being meticulously detangled by his brother. Belphie looks a bit like a house cat, curled up on the floor, eyes closed and purring as his tail occasionally swishes about. You silently take a video and leave before Belphie wakes up and forces you to delete it.
● Level 2. His tail grows large thorns, perfect for thwacking anyone who annoys him. He constantly smells like lavender and something else that no one can for sure define, but if you stand too close, you will get drowsy. Everything about him seems a bit… uncanny valley. He doesn't look terrifying so much as he looks…. Just,,,, Incorrect. His breathing sounds like a white noise machine.  This is the form he takes during lesson 16. He chooses it specifically so he doesn't make you run immediately. 
Despite the trauma that you experienced, you have learned to find comfort in Belphegor's demon form. Sometimes, you doze off to the sound of his breathing while your hands play with the soft fur of his ears. On more than one occasion, you have compared Belphie to one of the children from Polar Express, which got you smacked in the face by his tail. But even when you get on his last nerve, he is careful not to cut you with the sharp barbs on his tail. A silent apology for killing you once upon a time.
● Level 3. Goodbye sleepy, cozy weirdness, and hello sleep paralysis demon. The thorns on his tail get larger and spread to cover his arms. His eyelids just. Fuck off. He doesn't have them anymore. Jeff the Killer looking bitch. The longer you look at him the more…absolutely fucking AWFUL he looks. Five minutes? He has double the normal amount of teeth. Ten? His horns are casting shadows that look like every nightmare you've ever had. Twenty and all of a sudden you are literally frozen in place. If he's feeling kind, he will use magic to knock you unconscious. If not, you are going to be stuck like this until well after he leaves. If he leaves. Also, he eats dreams.
You will occasionally wake up in the dead of night to the sound of raspy breathing. When you look up, you find a pair of eyes staring intently at you. In the first few seconds after waking, your dreams are so incredibly vivid that it shocks you when they dissappear from your memory, as if it never happened. You yawn, throwing a pillow at the demon's face. Which causes Belphie to laugh, not losing balance from his perch at the end of your bed for even a second.
● Level 4. He is more mist than corporeal. He can be more on the solid side. He just prefers not to. If he is in this form, hold your breath and run. Breathing in any of the mist has…. Very bad side effects. You might find yourself unable to sleep ever again, no matter how tired, until eventually you go insane. Or perhaps living your worst nightmares is more your speed? Either way, it's absolutely horrifying, and he doesn't even have to do any work to destroy you. He just makes you do that yourself. If he likes you, he can make the effects a lot less awful. Breathing in the mist is literally breathing Belphegor, so he can also read your mind (all the better to find your deepest fears). You can hear a whispery voice in the back of your head… that's him. He likes to hang out and chat with Beel like this. Or plot anti-Lucifer activities with Satan since only the person he is possessing can hear him. He can suggest you do all sorts of things, and if you aren't paying attention, you might think it's your body working on its own. If he talks normally while just being a cloud of mist, his voice is surprisingly loud, encompassing the whole room.
A tiny voice, one you know all too well, speaks in the back of your mind. The first time this happened, you thought it was your conscious or something. Perhaps a psychotic break. But no, it is just the youngest of the seven demons you live with. Belphie enjoys backseat driving while you go about your day. He laughs when you trip (honestly, it might be him that caused it...), makes jokes at the most inappropriate times, causing you to choke on your own spit, trying to suppress laughter. And when someone is being particularly rude, he gets rather descriptive in his insults. But hey, he means well. You think.
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craacked-splatters · 4 months
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"I know"
"Do u want to see what I added today?"
"Sure buddy"
(insane rambling below!)
Scrapbooks! Scrapbooks! Hell yeah!!
Hello to the 5 ppl seeing this👋 Ima be real Im running on 7 hours of sleep after 5day grind brain mushy rn and I scribbled everything maniacally by memory at 3am after having one of those revelation moments so I have no idea what I'm missing lmao. This is actually the first time drawing them like this 2. Really proud of it
and B4 u ask anything hear me out.
So like tmnt2012 mutant apocalypse am I right?
Yeah it's flawed and pacings off and stuff BUT! The implications it left behind are haunting and it has been stuck in my brain for years. One of the things that stuck with me was the fact that Raph and Don had stuff like April's tessen, Mikey's stuffed bear head, The Creeps containment jar, and Casey's skull(horrifying btw) with them and that it's like :((
I fully believe it was Donnie who collected and carried them everywhere in their car. Not only for Raph(to help with this memory)but also for himself.
Why? Well maybe I'm reading 2 much into it and it's also partly a HC of mine but also bc canonically Donnie has a bit of a hoarding habit collecting trinkets and pictures and stuff. He likes to keep things around that hold a lot of significant value to him.
We see this in The Creeping Doom during the intro
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AND I swear he's got a literal wall of family photos in his lab somewhere I can't for the life of me find it but I know he did! He even took some to the farmhouse with him when they escaped during the invasion.
They're memories yk? Reminders..
Ok im having difficulty expressing this shit rn words r failing so like give me ur brain 4 a sec.
Imagine ur donbot.
You're stuck in a cold metal limbo for the rest of ur last remaining family members life. Everything and everyone you knew and cared about is dead and gone. Over thousands of species and ecosystems that made ur world unique wiped out. No more animals no more wild things no more blue clear skys. Death can't come for you. Not in a way that matters anymore.
And no matter where u go you are haunted by shadows of what once was. There are so many echoes and ghosts and cultures and stories and lives that were buried & left to rot by the gaping maws of fear & the desperate need to survive. No one cares for the past and the only other person around you can't remember it. Time will claim its domain again and there will be nothing left except empty metal husks to show sentience even existed in the first place.
Like holy shit he was just a kid bro and he never got the chance to even reach full adulthood!!! I can't possibly imagine the grief and guilt he must've carried with him all those years. He lost EVERYTHING
His family. His home. His world.
Did Donnie even get the chance to mourn??? Do u think his new body allowed it? Do u think he even ALLOWED himself to mourn? He had a hurt amnesiac brother who still needed to eat, who could still starve and bleed and die if they weren't careful enough.
So between his habits and the ✨Angst✨ and human pollution, him hoarding random ass things Wall-E style and making these shitty little scrapbooks or keepsakes didn't seem so far fetched to me. I also highly doubt there was enough time or resources to build shrines or graves in the middle of apocalypse. But yk honoring/preserving the memories of the things and ppl we love is natural for us so like SORRY if its a bit cringe of me wanting him to have SOMETHING to comfort him during the really bad days.
Even if its more bitter than sweet
Bonus doodads cuz I was indecisive:
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The 1st was purple tinted cuz of donbot vision get it hehehe
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boydepartment · 9 months
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TXT as Creepypasta Stories
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a/n: okay so i was a little nervous to post this however i am in a spooky mood and i just wanted to put out something a little silly and fun. i grew up on creepypastas so i wanted to put this out :) i really hope none of you find this post weird LMAO warnings- this is HORROR so subjects of death, bullying, etc is present in this post. i tried to censor it as much as i could and i added my little comments in this as best as i could to make them more lighthearted
MASTERLIST wc- probably like 250-300
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soobin- lavender town
lavender town syndrome was derived from the first pokémon game. the bgm of the town in the game had frequencies that led to kids yaknow dying. later on nintendo lowered the frequencies so kids stopped dying‼️
this one was a classic and soobin loves pokémon so i really thought it fit him :)
link to creepypasta
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yeonjun- ticci toby
ticci toby’s story is about this kid who’s like extremely bullied and it’s kinda fucked up that the creator named him ticci toby because i’m 90% sure he has tourettes in the story. but that’s besides the point. he ends up like getting rid of his dad and runs in the woods, then gets adopted into the slenderman mansion ⁉️ that’s if i’m remembering correctly LMAO im relistening to the story rn, i forgot how well it was written
I HONESTLY JUST GAVE HIM TICCI TOBY BC I USED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON TOBY WHEN I WAS LIKE 11 now im older than ticci toby and i feel ancient.
link to creepypasta
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taehyun- jeff the killer
okay gonna be fr, the only reason why i remember his story so well is because of laurenzsides sims 4 rendition of the creepypasta. jeff was this kid who had a really hot brother(sorry(I AM LIU’S AGE NOW THIS IS A WIN)) and two parents. from what i remember everything was chill w his parents and brother but he was just bullied. and then at a birthday party he got lit on fire??? and bleached??? then he kills everyone. OH MY GOD THE KIDS LIKE BULLIED HIM⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ I DO NOT REMEMBER THIS AT ALL⁉️⁉️⁉️ oh his parents were nice :( this is so sad
i thought giving taehyun a classic was good for him. jeff the killer is like THE creepypasta just like kang taehyun is THE hot guy 😇
link to the laurenzside sims 4 creepypasta video lol
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beomgyu- russian sleep experiment
the russian sleep experiment was, you guessed it, an experiment. from what i remember the experiment was conducted during a war to test endurance. the prisoners from said war were told they would be set free if they followed through with the experiment. the prisoners were locked in a room and the scientists leaked this gas in the room to keep the prisoners from sleeping, without having sleep the prisoners go insane and start to kill eachother
the russian sleep experiment is honestly my favorite creepypasta. i read it a few years ago and then shane and ryan read it on are you scared and i was hooked. i feel like beomgyu would really like it.
link to the watcher video explaining the russian sleep experiment
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hueningkai- ben drowned
basically this guy, finds a bootleg majoras mask game and starts getting haunted by this kid named ben who once again you guessed it! drowned! okay apparently there was a cult i don’t remember that at all if i’m being fr.
I LOVE ANYTHING LOZ AND IDK I THINK THAT IT FITS HIM‼️
link to the creepypasta
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amrv-5 · 3 months
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Horrid Horrid Day of the kind so rarely experienced trying to treat it as a dubious comedic blessing and also remember it’s cool to experience stuff even stuff that sucks and makes you (?) feel bad (probably???) freeverse insanity monologue to my own blog so I don’t commit a homicide
most of it death by 1000 papercuts sort of things besides like 3-5 big Actual Genuinely Bad Comically Ridiculous Chaotic Events (middle of the night hotel eviction and subsequent 35 mile relocation to a Diff Hotel for my parents due to the City Of [Redacted] abruptly buying out the rooms (?!) for the one they were in for some sort of emergency housing thing?? (this is real and really happened)) but after 12.5 hrs and then well 999 other things that happened mostly to Me etc.💥💥💥🔨🔨🔨💥💥💥🔨💥🔨😭🔨🔨🔨💥💥💥💥 godddd complicated relationship w parents aside it is so much to be Completely On and doing the Team Emotional Management the whole time whyyy am I the only grownup… can’t be tired or a little annoyed at being subject to last minute undiscussed demands on my time or even Drop The Cheerful Facade Of Bland Enthusiasm For A Second because I’m Ruining Things For Everyone. but also I’ve got 1 week break between semesters formally and I would like to: Sleep In + Get Meaningful Rest. please. Big ideal day plan wld be to sleep for 12-15 hrs read in bed for a few more go for a little run eat some oatmeal lay around watch movie without thinking about annnnyyything important all day. Is That So Much To Ask. Is This An Unreasonable Demand .
Well anyway I’m being soo dramatic and everything’s really pretty much fine. I cn recognize it’s nice that people went out of their way to make a trip here + want to spend a lot of time together it’s just that due to the Aforementioned Complicated Relationship the Spending Time Together is like. Well u know how wild boars when you stab them you have to have a special Boar Spear with a cross-bar because otherwise they will just keep running up your spear while impaled to Get You, The Spearholder? Well that’s what my relationship w my parents is like in this particular year. Getting stabbed and it sucksss but unfortunately there is the sense that if one keeps going thru the Horrid Feelings there may be some degree of satisfaction (easier or realer relationship? emotional connection? satisfaction of knowing I Tried My Best?) at the other end… but it has to be me (wild boar in this metaphor) doing alll of the work and experiencing the majority of the discomfort in pursuit of unclear ends… ahhhhhh sigh. good reminder I guess that I just still react weird and with maybe a greater than warranted degree of emotional sensitivity to extended intentional infringements on my space + autonomy that don’t take into account that I’m a person with opinions and an inner life and also I Slept Bad and several other problems so I’m much less patient than usual today. condensed: I’m At My Freakin Limit Dot JPEG rn. anyway. ouuughhh. home now going to run a bath (insane. who does that) turn off lights and just sit there in hot water for a while stewing (ha) until I feel less tense + tired (Big Win: reasonably tense + tired ≠ depressed…) maybe light a candle also. I wld bring a book into this if I didn’t know for a certainty I’d drop it in the water immmmmediately and the lathe of heaven doesnt deserve that from me. fuuuck. This probably makes me look insaaaane don’t read this. Or do whatever its my blog though sorry if u followed for fic and are just getting extended musings on my inner mental life + to do lists. In My Defense there’s a read more and if u see this You Clicked It And So Gave Ur Viewing Consent. In conclusion 👨‍👩‍👧🚗🏨🌃😭😔😑🤷‍♀️🙂➡️🛁🕯️📖🛌
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ughgoaway · 7 months
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it really is a mental health dip kind of a month i swear seasonal depression is mf real 😔💔 but while you take a backseat on writing etc (idk how you guys write so often like burn out would hit me after the second sentence 😭💀) here's some insane brainrot and perhaps inspo but mainly just blurb like comfort to think ab bc honestly why lie matthew may be a headache but he really is the best of distractions in such times <3 (here's to hoping some serotonin will roll its way over to both of us)
(dad matty universe ofc bc well-)
- matty singing his songs to baby annie and absolutely dying when she'd giggle to it
- babysitting annie mid studio sessions like can you just imagine the boys producing and recording and annie taking turns sleeping in each of their laps etc 😭😭
- matty calling adam at the randomest times to ask for parenting advice (crying)
- the very idea of matty holding a sleeping annie in his arms as they both doze off will actually kill me i swear
- any thought remotely related to dad matty doing dad things honestly
- like imagine him packing her school lunches etc and including little notes for her kms
- the boys taking annie on trips etc like imagine them all at the zoo gn
(honestly a pre-reader blurb list/prequel may be a need somewhere down the line-)
anyways yes I totally do not.... think about dad matty......like at all......
bff anon is going to run away and disappear now 😍 xx
(late to respond to this bc I am still violently ill lol)
YES BFF HI!!!! seasonal depression is EARLY this year!! honestly, I don't get it either. Some writers literally write every day... if I did that, I'd die. I don't even write that much, and I still burn out so quickly
okay I don't have the mental capacity rn to discuss each idea in depth but let me just say; YES YES YES YES YES I LOVE IT.
(not very) brief comments on each one below the cut;
- matty singing people to baby Annie and she is just laughing like crazy... yes.
- do not even put this into my head. the idea of baby Annie sitting in Ross' lap while he plays bass. Or Adam takes her from matty when he needs to record a little vocal take, and he and Annie wave from the other side. Matty promptly messes up that take because he's busy making heart eyes at his beautiful baby (and after much pressure, he reluctantly says he was making heart eyes at hann too...) Or she's sitting in George as he produces something, she giggles and presses a button. at first George is like, "No!" But then he plays it, and he's like, "...wait that kinda bangs, " and annie gets a producer credit!!!!
(side note imagine them including an accidental take at the end of a song of Annie babbling or laughing... people are like "what is that cute laughter at the end?" and matty is like "💞❤️💖my baby girl💖❤️💞")
- it's like 12am, and Adam is just getting into bed when he gets a facetime from matty who is PANICKING. Adam is immediately like "bro, what's up", all he can hear in the background is SCREAMING bc Annie is clearly unhappy. matty is freaking tf out because "I can't find her stuffed rabbit Adam. it's been 2 hours. she won't stop crying. I don't know what to do and -" and Adam cuts him off like "matty, calm down, it's okay. didn't you put it in that weird pocket of your bag in the studio today?" and matty looks like he could literally cry of joy and just is like "YES I LOVE YOU BRO. BYE. SLEEP WELL." and abruptly hangs up, leaving Adam laughing and carly asking."oh god, what did matty need"
- perhaps a long day in the studio and matty is like "I'll just rock Annie to sleep on the sofa in the other room, be back in 10" and he simply... does not return. George comes in prepared to have a go at matty for being a helicopter dad when he sees them both open mouth snoring on the sofa lol.
- the idea of messy hair 3am matty trying to test the temperature of the milk on his wrist but getting confused at what it's meant to feel like. simultaneously rocking a screaming Annie and just trying not to also scream.
- OHMYGODDDD. like she's a little older, and it starts with a little note explaining something in her lunch, and she comes home SO EXCITED because "it was a note from you, Daddy!!! it's like we're spies sending secret letters!!!" And obviously, matty is now in full spy mode. they create a secret code, and he decorates them to say "top secret" on the outside. the notes are always things like "love you peanut! have a good day!" But we can play pretend okay.
- maybe Annie has become obsessed with penguins recently (Ross is obviously encouraging this and loves her giggles whenever he shows her his tattoo) and matty wants to show her irl penguins. matty offhandedly mentions him and Annie are going to the zoo tomorrow for the first time and the other boys are like "HMM??? WITHOUT US???" especially Ross bc like... hello he got her into penguins... the audacity from matty to be silent??? so they all are like "we're coming." thus a group trip to the zoo happens, and hann brings his little one and its just a family affair. sooo many pictures, especially Annie seeing her very first penguin and a group shot that a very confused old woman took for them (seriously, why are there 4 grown tattooed men with two children crying at penguins???)
these thoughts became much less concise as time went on...
I might have to do some prequel/early dad matty blurbs... if yall are interested???
29 notes · View notes
wordofthewicked · 2 years
Text
Showtime- Paul Lahote
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Fic description: A chance meeting one sunny afternoon on La Push brings you face to face with Paul Lahote. Your strange connection with him, and the fact that it was his soccer ball that broke your nose, you were wrapped up into an unseen world that lived in tandem with yours. How far are you willing to go for true love? How far are you willing to go to protect the people you love?
TW: underage drinking, drug use (weed), disgusting fluff
Showtime Masterlist
General Masterlist
Part Seven
To say that I am overwhelmed is an understatement. The amount of love this story has received recently is nothing short of insane. I’ve been writing online since I was 11, and I’ve never had so much love like this. I see every comment, reply, reblog, like, message- even if I don’t respond right away. It makes my heart happy that you guys love this little silly story like I do. I’ve got several more works I’m writing currently (Jacob, Seth, Embry, and a fun little Embry and Paul) that I’m planning to begin uploading soon. Thank you for your support and encouragement, it revitalized my love for writing in a way I didn’t know was possible. Part nine might be on a delay, as I head back to school in a few days! But don’t fret, I won’t make you wait too long! Feel free to send in requests, I’m working on some rn for Paul! I write for any of the boys, plus the Cullen’s as well!
~~~
Part Eight
The night you spent alone at Paul’s house was nothing short of magical, but in the coming days, you felt a sort of shift in your relationship. Paul was more physically affectionate than ever before, much to the dismay of the pack. Yet, whenever you caught him staring at you, it seemed like an unspoken question was hung on the tip of his tongue.
You two managed to spend nearly none of your time alone, always having some assortment of the pack by your side. Once Tuesday had rolled around, you were sure he was doing it on purpose.
You didn’t have it in your heart to question him, afraid that maybe he regret iti ted sleeping with you, or taking the relationship that far. It seemed silly to worry, since neither of you were virgins and you were basically bound together as soulmates. Still, every time you thought you’d have the courage to ask, someone would come barging through, ruining the moment.
By Thursday, you’d had enough. During a usual hang out with the pack, you’d all decided to marathon as many horror movies you could scrounge up at Blockbuster. You were curled against Paul’s side, your mind not focused at all on the movies.
Without speaking, you stood up, turning to walk through the kitchen and out the side door. You were certain Paul would follow you, and your confirmation came at the sound of the screen door falling shut.
“Y/N? Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, his voice so soft and full of concern. “Did the movies get to you?”
You laughed a little, shaking your head. “No, it’s not the movies. I’m just… what’s going on with you?”
Paul furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“It seems like ever since we… you’ve just been avoiding me.” You answered, your anger fading away.
“I don’t understand, babe. We’ve been together every day.”
You sighed, running your hand down your face. “That’s not what I meant. We’ve been with the boys every day. I don’t want to monopolize your time, but I figured, I don’t know, that we’d spend more time together? Just us, you know?”
Paul frowned, moving to close the gap between you two. “I’m sorry, I thought you liked hanging out with them.”
“I do! It’s just… was I that bad in bed that you regret it?”
Paul paused for a second, before bursting out in laughter. His head was thrown back slightly, and his whole body shook.
You slapped his arm, your eyes widening in shock. “Paul! I’m serious!”
“I know, that’s what makes it funny!” He answered, resting his hands on your hips. “Why the hell would you think I didn’t enjoy having sex with you?”
“Because it feels like you’re trying to prevent it from happening again.” You drawled, not understanding his confusion. “You’re sending me such mixed signals, honestly. You’re practically on top of me 24/7, but you’re afraid to be alone with me. I feel like I’ve done something wrong.”
Paul pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. “That was the second most amazing day of my life, baby, believe me. I just wanted to give you some space, since we had promised to take it as friends, first. I thought I’d let you process it without feeling like you needed to discuss it with me.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re an idiot?” You questioned, grabbing his face with your hands. “Why on earth would I want space? I wanted to talk about it, dumbass.”
The door of Emily’s cabin swung open again, and Seth poked his head out. “Paul, Y/N? Everything okay?”
Paul stiffened at his voice, and turned around to tell him off. You jumped in first, pushing away from him and smiling at Seth “Yes! I just wanted to stretch my legs for a bit. We’re coming back now.”
You ambled up the wooden stairs, and pushed yourself in past the younger boy. The lights inside the living room were now on, and the half the pack was standing around.
“We decided to take a snack break,” Embry explained, opening another bag of popcorn. “Jared ate all the popcorn.”
You laughed, shaking your head at the boys’ unrelenting hunger. Emily was giving you a curious glance, and she swept across the kitchen to lean over the counter and eye you and Paul. “You two alright?”
You nodded, sending her a quick smile. You glanced back at Paul and saw his jaw was tense, and his gaze was fixated on your figure. You nudged him playfully with your shoulder, and he broke out of his trance to capture you in a hug. He pressed his chest against your back, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“We need to talk, Y/N.” He spoke, his voice deep.
“Later,” you whispered, trying your best not to draw attention to yourselves.
It didn’t work. Even without their supernatural hearing, the pack had definitely picked up on the strange vibe shift between you two. You didn’t want to make things awkward, and you knew that Paul was likely delaying your conversation because he was avoiding the inevitable. Your relationship had changed, things weren’t the same as before.
Did you want to make things completely official? You’d been planning to move across the country for the last four years of your life, and attaching yourself to Paul would only complicate that further. Yet, you were already attached, in a way that no time or distance could change. You were meant to be together, and each day that passed just made that clearer.
You wiggled out of Paul’s grasp, turning around to kiss him gently, before you excused yourself to the bathroom. When you had closed and locked the door, you flipped your phone open and tried to think of some excuse to head home. It was still early, and your curfew wasn’t for another two hours. Still, you decided the best thing to do would be to leave, so you could think without prying eyes, or Paul’s intoxicating scent. You held your phone up to your ear, silently wondering why you were making such a show of it when you were alone.
“Hey dad, what’s up?” You spoke to no one, knowing that your voice would carry to the living room. “Ugh, seriously? No one else can come get you guys?”
You paused, trying to make it seem like there was your father’s soft pleas on the other end of the line. “Fine, I’ll be there in like 45. Yeah, love you too.”
You flipped your phone shut and slid it back into your pocket, before flushing the toilet and washing your hands to make things seem normal. You took a deep breath, ready for the amazing show you were about to put on. When you reappeared in the living room, you donned your best bummed face.
Paul furrowed his eyebrows at you, trying to seem like he hadn’t obviously listened into your fake phone call. “Everything alright babe?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine. My parents were heading back from dinner in Port Angelous and got a flat. The jack’s in my trunk, so they need me to come get them. I’m afraid I’ll have to cut movie night short for me.” You explained, moving to put on your jacket.
Paul frowned, meeting you with your coat and helping you put it on. “Do you want me to come with you? I could help change the tire and then we could head back here when we’re done.”
You smiled and kissed him, holding his hands in yours. “As sweet as that is, I’ll probably just go home after I get to them. It’ll be easier than driving around all night. I’ll see you on Sunday though, right?”
“Right.” He repeated, his face clearly disappointed. “Well, let me at least walk you to your car.”
“Always the gentleman, Lahote.” You winked, standing on your toes to give him one last kiss, before biding everyone else a goodbye.
When you got into your car, you drove back home, your parents confused to see you so early. You explained you were tired from the day and didn’t want to be out driving late, and they appreciated your foresight.
You raced up to your room, turning on your ancient computer and waiting for it to finish loading up. You headed to your email and clinked on the acceptance link for John Hopkins, staring at the words on the white screen.
With your heart beating wildly in your chest, you clicked decline.
~~~
The party was on full swing, and your head was spinning as you stumbled outside.
“Y/N? You alright?” Mike asked, following after you.
You sighed, shaking your head. “Tyler’s been cornering me. I’m just gonna call Paul to come get me.”
Mike frowned at this, but didn’t press. Instead he pulled a brownie in a sandwich bag out of his pocket and broke it in half. “Snack for the road?”
You laughed and accepted it, eating it as you dialed the familiar number. Paul answered on the second ring, his deep voice concerned. “Hey, are you okay? What’s going on?”
“Can you come pick me up? I’ll text you the address.” You asked, avoiding his question.
You could hear shuffling and the jingling of keys. “On my way, where are you?”
You gave him Tyler’s address, and shortly hung up the phone, trying to pass the time until he got there. You probably had over half an hour, unless he floored it there, which you wouldn’t put past Paul.
Someone reached for your arm, and you jumped, turning to see Jessica’s smiling face. She was definitely a few drinks in at that point, but still much more sober than you were.
“Jess, you scared the hell out of me.” You enthused, grabbing her arm.
She rolled her eyes, steadying your swaying frame. “What’s this I hear about you leaving?”
“Paul’s coming to get me.”
“Y/N, you’re drunk as hell. You aren’t leaving with some random guy.” Jessica argued, her drink sloshing a bit as she flourished her arms in emphasis.
“He’s not some random guy, he’s my boyfriend.” You reminded her, giggling at her confused face. “How much have you had to drink?”
Jessica frowned, raising an eyebrow at you. “Are you high right now?”
You stopped and widened your eyes. “No, I’m on the ground.
“Christ.” She muttered, smiling at you. “You’re gone.”
“I’m right here.” You joked, nudging her arm playfully.
You saw a familiar figure traipsing his way across the lawn, and Jessica followed your gaze. You weren’t sure how so much time had passed, but perhaps that had more to do with the edible in your system than anything else.
Jessica smiled widely, eyeing up Paul as he approached. “Hey, I’m Jessica.”
Paul gave her a quick glance, but his eyes returned on your messy appearance. “Paul. How much have they had to drink?”
Understanding lit up Jessica’s features. “Ooooh, you’re Paul, I see. Uhm, I’m not honestly sure. I only saw them take three shots, but they were playing beer pong for a few hours, so…”
“Lovely. Alright babe, let’s get you home.” Paul laughed, coming over to wrap his arms around you.
You nearly melted into his touch, half jumping into his strong arms. “I can’t go hooooome. Not like this.”
“I know, I know, I’m going to take you to Emily and Sam’s cabin to sober up.” He responded, as you stumbled a bit into him.
You giggled, glee filling up your face. “Oh I love it there. Will everyone else be around, too?”
Paul laughed at you, shaking his head. “Probably. Though I don’t think they’re going to be prepared for you.”
“Carry me.” You demanded, jumping up suddenly, so Paul had no choice but to catch you.
He scooped you into his grasp gently, laughing again. He thanked Jessica, who was still slightly open mouthed and staring at him.
Paul carried you and placed you in the passenger seat of his truck, buckling you in before moving to the other side to get into his seat. He started the car and headed towards La Push, while you incoherently began telling him about the party. You were definitely nearly yelling, but he didn’t seem to mind.
Once you arrived at the cabin, Paul opened your door and lifted you up, cradling you against his chest. You snuggled into him a bit, inhaling his familiar scent deeply.
“Try your best to not be too obviously drunk, alright? I don’t want us to get lectured by Sam.” Paul whispered as you stepped into the porch.
You nodded furiously, but knew that Sam could probably smell the alcohol on you from where you were now. Paul opened the door and walked in, setting you down on your feet. You stumbled a bit, but leaned against his side for support, and wrapped an arm around his middle. You shot the group a wide smile, and they returned your gaze with a knowing look.
“I’ve already lost my chance to seem sober, haven’t I?” You asked, your face red and warm.
They all nodded, Quil laughing loudly. “We knew you’d be drunk as soon as Paul said he was picking you up. You don’t leave a party before 12 if you’re not super fucked up.”
Emily snipped at him for his language, while you giggled to yourself.
“Actually, for your information Mr… wait what’s your last name? You know what, it doesn’t matter. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I did not leave the party because I was too fucked up. I left because Tyler kept flirting with me and he was making me uncomfortable.” You drawled out, giggling as you struggled to find the right words to say.
Paul looked down at you, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me that? I would have sorted him out.”
You giggled again, stumbling as you moved back to place a hand on his chest. “Well because Mr. Lahote, see I know what your last name is, I didn’t want you to wolf out on a stupid 17 year old at his house party. Would’ve caused a lot of problems, and I’ll be honest with you, I am waaaaaay too drunk to have helped you calm down.”
Paul stiffened a bit at your words. “You don’t think I can control myself?”
You sighed, your limbs becoming tired as the alcohol kept seeping into your body. “I don’t know, either way it would’ve made a scene. And I didn’t wanna have to explain why my boyfriend was trying to fight the party host.”
He sucked in a sharp breath, and his grasp on your waist tightened. “Boyfriend?”
You stared at him in confusion, your mind too slow to comprehend what he was confused about. “Is that the wrong word? Isn’t it boyfriend? Boyfriend… boyfriend… boyfriend. Well now it doesn’t even seem like a word.”
Paul laughed lightly, shaking his head. “You’ve just never called me that before.”
“Oh,” you furrowed your eyebrows, your mind beginning to process the situation. “Is… I mean is that not what this is? Are we like, platonic talking everyday, and falling asleep on the phone, and kissing? That doesn’t feel platonic to me.”
“It’s definitely not platonic, no.” He confirmed, moving forward to hold both of your hips.
You smiled up at him, standing on your toes to kiss his nose lightly. “Well, then you’re my boyfriend. Calling you my soulmate feels too cliché to me, plus other people wouldn’t understand.”
Paul laughed at you, kissing your forehead. “No, boyfriend is good. Great even. I just didn’t expect it.”
“Well that’s what you get for making me wait a week to talk to you about it.” You replied, your head lolling over on your shoulder, the weight of it becoming unnecessarily heavy. “You’re my boyfriend, Paul. Even told Jessica and everything.”
Suddenly you became overly aware of your breathing, feeling like it had become manual. You took a step back and closed your eyes as the room began to sway around you in that familiar way. Between calling Paul to pick you up and heading outside of Tyler’s house, Mike had slipped you an edible, and you had forgotten about it until this moment, until it hit you like a bus.
“Woah- you alright?” Paul asked, seeing you sway on your feet.
You giggled in response, nodding happily. “M’fine.”
“You don’t look fine.” He murmured, his eyes taking in your face in concern.
You hummed a bit, falling into his arms dramatically as you laughed. “I am absolutely fantastic, actually.”
“You definitely can’t bring them home like this.” Emily commented, frowning slightly. “You both can stay here for the night.”
“I’m supposed to stay at Bella’s.” You responded, leaning back drastically so Paul had to hold you in a dip. “Oh well, now I didn’t plan on how to get back to Bella’s.”
“I’ll text my dad and tell him we’re staying here.” Bella spoke, pulling out her flip phone.
You squealed upon hearing her voice, pushing away from Paul to stumble over to the loveseat she was curled up on. “Bella! It’s Bella, oh my gosh I didn’t even see you! Bella!”
Bella laughed, shaking her head. “It’s me, Y/N.”
“How has your night been?” You asked, leaning against the armrest of her chair.
“Much less exciting than yours was, I presume.” She responded, smiling up at you.
You hummed in thought, before frowning. “My feet hurt.”
Paul walked over to you, a backpack in hand. “Alright, let’s get you comfortable.”
Bella stood up to give you her seat, and you plopped down numbly, giggling as you ran your hands over the soft blanket that she had left behind. Paul kneeled down in front of you, and you furrowed your eyebrows as he unzipped the backpack.
“What is that?” You asked, leaning forward in interest.
Paul chuckled, unzipping your heels and tugging them off, before replacing them with a pair of soft fuzzy socks. “It’s my go bag for you. I figured since you’d be spending a lot of time down here, I should have a stock of things you might need, that way you’re always comfortable.”
You leaned forward even more, peering down into it. “What did you get for it?”
“Uhm, let’s see… the socks, makeup remover wipes, deodorant, hair ties, a hair brush, tooth brush, toothpaste, pads, tampons, chocolate, pain killers, and some snacks so your blood sugar doesn’t get low again. Oh, and I have a pair of my pajamas in here as well, just in case.” He responded, digging through the bag as he spoke.
You didn’t reply, staring at him wide eyed. Paul shifted under your gaze, discomfort flooding through his body.
“Is that weird? I wanted to help make the transition of being here easier on you. Emily helped me pick things out. I live with my dad and brothers, so I didn’t have any of this stuff at my house. I didn’t want you to need something and not have it.” He spoke, rambling a bit as he became nervous.
You giggled, falling back into the chair and wiggling your toes in the fuzzy socks excitedly. “I am absolutely going to marry you one day, Paul Lahote.”
Paul paused at your words like he was stunned, before shaking his head and standing up. “Alright, let’s go get you changed into the pajamas. You can’t be comfortable in those clothes.”
You knew he was right- the tight red skirt and black bralette were both revealing and uncomfortable- but the thought of getting changed seemed like too much work. The room was still spinning, and your high was making you sleepy. “You can’t be comfortable in your clothes.”
He laughed, leaning forward to grab your hands and pull you up. “Jeez, Y/N, if you wanted me out of my clothes that badly, you should’ve said so earlier.”
You giggled at him, realizing how short you were without the aid of your heels. “You didn’t give me the chance, unless you wanted me to ask in front of the whole pack.”
“Do you need help getting changed?” Paul asked, holding tightly onto your waist, and doing his best to ignore your comment.
“Mmmm… maybe. It seems hard.” You replied, closing your eyes and resting your hands on his forearms. “Everything is hard. Except your skin, it’s so soft. Are you always this soft?”
“Uhm, I think so? Are you sure you’re alright?” He questioned, tilting his head at you.
You giggled in response, opening your eyes to look at him. “Can I tell you a secret? You can’t tell anyone else, okay? Mom and dad will get mad.”
“Mom and dad?” Bella repeated, confused.
You rolled your head to the side, resting it on your shoulder to look at her. “Yes, Sam and Emily. Mom and dad, or I guess dad and mom.”
“I could see that.” She replied, smiling.
“Right. Well, don’t tell them, but Mike gave me a special brownie.”
Paul sighed, wrapping his other arm around your waist. “So you’re cross faded right now?”
You hummed in response, pausing at the look on his face. “You don’t seem happy with me. I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have called. I just… I didn’t know what else to do.”
“No, no, no. I’m glad you did, baby. I just don’t have much experience caring for intoxicated people, and the weed isn’t going to help any.” He admitted, ushering you off toward the bathroom.
You stumbled into it, and Paul shut the door behind him as he placed the backpack on the counter. He began pulling things out, and you sat down on the toilet lid to wait. The room was still swaying slightly, and you felt uncomfortably warm with the substances flowing through you.
Paul grabbed your hands and stood you up again, his hands moving to your skirt before freezing. He silently asked for your permission, and you nodded. He unzipped the red fabric, and pulled it down your now bare legs. He kept his face forward as he held out his pajama pants for you to step into, and you held onto the counter as you did. Once they were on, he tied them tightly around your waist so they wouldn’t fall.
Paul looked at your bralette in confusion, trying to figure out a way to get it off of you. You giggled a bit, turning around to reveal the zipper that kept it together. He didn’t hesitate, pulling the metal down as the fabric split in half, and he tossed it on the floor. You felt him stiffen at the realization that you weren’t wearing a bra, and you turned around without hesitation. He kept his eyes trained on your face as he slid the shirt over your head, and you pushed your arms through it. He then sat you back down on the toilet, and took out a makeup remover wipe, before cleaning your face of the few layers you had painted on.
You felt your heart swell as he worked, watching the intense concentration on his face. You’d never had a guy treat you so gently and affectionately before, and it was taking everything in you not to wrap your arms around him. When he was finished, he pulled out your updo and had you turn to the side. Gently, he brushed your hair out of its knots, and ended up braiding it.
“Wow you’re good at that.” You admired, holding the finished product in your hair.
Paul laughed, picking up your clothes, and zipping them into the backpack. “My hair used to be longer than yours.”
You tried to imagine that, but your brain couldn’t come up with a steady image. “You should grow it out again.”
Paul smiled at you. “Maybe one day, darling. Let’s get you back to the living room, alright?”
You nodded and stood up, immediately stumbling again. Paul wrapped an arm around you, and you looked up at him. You took one of your hands and pulled his face towards yours, trapping his lips in a passionate kiss. You felt such an intense desire to have more of him, to have all of him right then and there. You tried to deepen the kiss, and his grip on your waist tightened. He let the bag fall to the floor, and pressed you back against the counter of the sink. Instinctively you hopped onto it, and wrapped your legs around his waist, before returning your lips to his. He groaned slightly, and to your displeasure, he pulled away.
“Y/N, you’re drunk. You should go lay down on the couch.” Paul spoke, backing out of your grasp.
You hummed in annoyance. “Or we could stay here. I mean, no one has to know.”
He shook his head, picking up the bag again and grabbing your hand. “Doesn’t matter, baby. You’re still drunk.”
You sighed, hopping off the counter and slipping, while muttering to yourself. “Jeez, no drunk hookups for us?”
Paul didn’t respond, he just returned his hand to your waist to steady you and pulled you into the living room. You returned to the love seat, and smiled to yourself, brushing your hands along the fuzzy blanket again.
“This is the best place in the world.” You mused, squeezing it between your fingers. “This house, all of you. I can’t imagine being somewhere better.”
Paul shot you a weird look. “You’re an affectionate drunk, huh?”
You laughed, letting your head loll to your right shoulder as you looked up at him through your eyelashes. “Depends on the situation. Usually I’m a horny drunk, but you shot that down in the bathroom.”
Jared and Quil burst out laughing, before Paul shot them a death glare. Emily moved to the kitchen and handed you a glass of water, and you took it with a shaking hand. You nearly spilled it on yourself as you felt your arm jerk unexpectedly.
“Y/N, what’s going on? Why are you shaking that badly?” Paul asked, kneeling down to be level with you.
You dismissed him with your freehand. “Happens when I smoke too much.”
He frowned. “When did you smoke?”
“Sometime before playing pong. It’ll go away soon, it happens all the time.” You answered, reaching out to play with his hair affectionately. “Your hair is so soft. You really should grow it out again. Maybe I can learn to braid then.”
Paul rolled his eyes, standing up and squeezing next to you on the loveseat. “You can’t braid hair?”
You shook your head, drinking half the glass of water before handing it to him for safe keeping. “You shouldn’t trust me with glass. I always break glasses when I drink. Mike nearly banned me from coming over after I shattered 2 of his mom’s in the same night.”
Emily took the glass out of Paul’s grasp, and returned instead with a plastic cup. The room was mostly silent, and you realized that you were something of a spectacle to them. It made you almost sad, knowing that none of them got the typical high school experience, or could even really get drunk since their bodies were so warm and they burned the alcohol off easily.
“I’m sorry,” you apologized, sweeping the room with your eyes before looking at Paul. “I should call someone to come get me. I’ve intruded on your evening.”
Paul frowned, placing an arm around your shoulders. “You haven’t intruded on anything, okay? I’d rather be the one to take care of you while your drunk, that way I know you’re safe.”
“Okay, thank you. For coming to get me. I appreciate it a lot. I got really overwhelmed being there tonight, which I’m going to assume had something to do with the shots Mike kept handing me while we were playing pong. I’m only really good at it when I’m drunk, you know. We’re the champions of our grade- nearly undefeated.” You babbled, reaching up to play with his hair again.
“You seem to go to a lot of parties.” Emily frowned, her voice worried, not judgmental.
“I mean, yeah. It’s senior year, you know? Everyone’s getting ready to adjust to the college party scene. Except me, of course.” You laughed, smiling widely. “I’m not going to college anymore.”
Paul sucked in a sharp breath. “Wait, what do you mean you’re not going to college anymore?”
You smiled at him, running a hand down his toned chest before returning it to your lap. “I mean, I’m going to go to Forks Community College, then I’ll probably transfer to SU to finish my degree.”
“But that’s not what you want. You wanted to go off to the East Coast. I know you got in to John Hopkins, so why aren’t you going?” He questioned, his face concerned.
You giggled a bit, rolling your eyes. “I can’t leave you, obviously. I hate not seeing you for a day. Do you think we’d survive being apart for 5 month stretches?”
“We’d figure it out. I don’t want you to give up on your dreams for me, ever. That’s not something you should have to compromise.” Paul argued, his face incredibly serious.
You shrugged, drinking more of your water before returning it to his hands. “Doesn’t matter, I made the decision already and declined Hopkins. I can study biology here just as well as I can out there.”
Paul sighed, cupping your face gently. “I wish you would’ve talked to me about it. I would’ve encouraged you to follow your dreams, go where you need to be.”
“I am. I mean, I went back and forth a lot before I made up my mind. Tonight just made it so clear, you know? The whole time I was at that stupid party, all I could think about was how much better it would’ve been if you were there. I don’t want to go off and get drunk in a frat house, I don’t want to go anywhere away from you.” You admitted, shrugging at him. “I never had a reason to stay in Forks, but now I do.”
Paul seemed like he wanted to say something more, but he just smiled at you and handed you the glass of water. You continued drinking it, falling somewhere lost in your thoughts. You stayed silent, mind focused on the boy next to you, and the trajectory of your life now.
“What’re you thinking about?” Paul asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
You finished your drink and handed the empty cup back to him. “Fate, I guess.”
“Fate?” He echoed.
You hummed, smiling. “Fate. It’s what brought us together, isn’t it?”
“Dunno, haven’t thought about it.”
“Well, I have. And I’ve decided it’s fate. For us to have met on the beach, you to have broken my nose. All of it had to happen exactly as it did for us to end up together.” You concluded, nodding as you spoke.
Paul smiled and ran his hands down your arms. “Fate it is, then.”
You smiled back, before your face fell in realization. “Oh, I should’ve talked to you before calling you my boyfriend.”
“It’s fine, really.”
“No! That’s a big step. We were just friends, but then I mean, we slept together Paul. That’s not something friends do.” You emphasized, your eyes widening.
“It is if you’ve got the right friends.” Quil suggested, which earned him an uncomfortable look from the rest of the room.
“Why don’t we talk about this in the morning, when you’re sober, okay?” Paul suggested softly. “And when we’re alone.”
You groaned, rubbing your itchy eyes dramatically. “It’s not like they won’t just hear about it later, anyway. What’s the point in having a private conversation if they can just read your mind?”
Paul sighed, frowning at you. “Doesn’t mean they have to witness everything first hand, you know.”
“It’s fine, it doesn’t matter. I just don’t want you to be mad at me for calling you my boyfriend. I didn’t think about it, I guess. It just felt right.” You continued, pursing your lips. “Once I said it to Jess, it was like I had said it a million times before.”
“Please don’t hold it against yourself, baby. I would’ve let you call me your boyfriend the day we met if you’d wanted to.” He confessed, his face a bit dazed. “You took me by surprise, but there’s nothing else I’d rather be.”
You smiled at him, licking your lips as you realized how dry your mouth was. Emily refilled your water, and you took large gulps before talking again. “What was the best day of your life?”
“What?”
You giggled a bit, sitting up straighter. “You said that the second best day of your life was when we slept together. So what was the first?”
Paul looked away from you, suddenly finding your hands interesting. “Dunno how you’re still so with it when you’re this far gone.”
“It’s a talent, really. I can’t walk for shit, but I can talk coherently, and run from the cops. Or danger, probably. But then again, I guess there is no danger when I’m here. You’d never let anyone hurt me.” You mused, pushing your hands against his chest and shaking him gently. “Stop avoiding my question.”
He sighed, looking at you with feigned annoyance. “The day I met you.”
You laughed, your whole body shaking and convulsing, tears falling out of your eyes. You couldn’t help yourself, though what you found funny about his answer, you weren’t quite sure.
Jared whistled lowly, quirking a smile across his tan face. “Even your partner things your answer is dumb.”
You spoke through giggles, wiping away the tears from your cheeks. “No, it’s sweet. The best answer I could’ve imagined. I just didn’t expect it, so it was funny.”
Paul chuckled at you, pulling you against his chest to kiss your head. “You’re a mess right now, babe.”
“And you get to deal with it for the rest of your life. Aren’t you a lucky man?”
“The luckiest man alive.”
~~~
Tag List:
@sorrow-and-bliss @fangirling-4-ever @emme-looou @swidkid @sunsetevergreen @yourwonkywriter @avis15 @shawrs @rottenstyx
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juicywritinghoard · 2 years
Text
emoji prompts
🥺you sleep with the stuffed animal I won you??
🤏 truly I am this close to kissing you or biting you and I haven't decided which
🥖 I would do anything to get you to bake me more bread, was that straight up mind control oh my god
🥚babe we cannot raise a dragon egg babe please we live in an apartment 
🧨stop asking me to do crimes with you I am falling in love too hard 
🏆okay I know the two of us are crazy stupid competive and are very close to getting kicked out for our bs but trying to beat you makes my blood pump like it never has before
🌮I'm the celebrity guest on your cooking show trying not to show the whole world I can't make anything more complicated than grilled cheese but I'd do anything to make you keep laughing
🎟did not actually expect to win the lottery with you and now we have to split the cash, but at least I can afford time off work now to run from your insane family that's after the money? 
🎈you're a single parent at this birthday party at my work and I cannot believe I have to keep up the shtick when I'd much rather be wooing you 
🩰we are rivals and I hate your guts stop being so pretty and kind about me getting the lead or I'm gonna have a feeling about it
🔌androids aren't supposed to have souls but we sure are falling in love like you have one 
📚you are my favorite author and you haven't published anything for so long can I help you please please please
🔎my life long dream of inspecting a murder mystery super might get me killed but like, worth it
📬penpals to lovers I'm willing it into existence I know you live so far away but I can't help falling ass over teakettle in love with you, I mean. you seal your letters and doodle and add washi tape how could I Not
🔒I broke into your car to impress you when you locked your keys in and now I have to construct an elaborate lie to explain myself 
🛏this mattress store is gonna kick us out. yep
👑stop kissing me so right I have to assassinate you
🗡four minutes after you, my sworn rival, tilted my chin up with your sword
🎻you keep asking if your practicing is bothering me but honestly I'm so swept away. play something for me. haha I mean freebird not a like, romantic song, that would be, wild
🎩your costume is stupid but just you wait until you see mine
🔇you haven't been online in two days would it be insane for me to drive to your place and make sure you haven't like, died. because I am omw
💍good morning will you marry me
🛒every little moment with you is a sweet adventure, even going to the grocery store, which I hate to bastard death
🥧 I am so sad but this pie you brought me is helping a little. let me get two spoons 
🎂am I the first person to wish you happy birthday today? it's so late :( I'm dropping everything rn let's celebrate you
🦖and don't get me started on jurassic Park as a concept if they had just had some ENRICHMENT, sorry, sorry, you don't need to listen to me go on. I know it's annoy- why are you looking at me like that
🦄so like. Magic is real huh. and you're magic? cool cool cool. I'm gonna be sooo normal about this just. just give me a sec
👽no you crashlanded your spaceship in my backyard I think I'm owed an explanation actually 
😻I'm so sorry my cat keeps escaping to go to your place, Beans is just obsessed with you. haha and who could blame him, honestly
❤️‍🔥may or may not be burning my exes things in the park and sobbing be cool maybe
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feral-teeth · 4 months
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Hello friend, welcome to the Spencer brain rot club wherein you cannot help but be enamoured by this pretty and overtly silly guy 🫶 your Spencer art is now glued in my brain. It’s so insanely cool the vibe you captured in it! And the style of it, the words around the head, etc all of it so stylistically cool!
This is the art - enjoy looking at it again hehe (it’s also in my arrow valentine art tag and pinned to the top of my feed rn)
The Spencer brain rot club has turned into a full blown out obsession cause this man is in my thoughts and I cant stop writing fics with him involving him with x reader and with other people in smosh ! I also drew him multiple times again,. Let me know if I should post (it’s messy but I love it)
We love this pretty and silly guy, maybe even enough to want to kiss him maybe ? WHO SAID THAT (Can I say that?) but also want to like shake his shoulders and scream. Affectionately.
I’m happy to hear that it is glued to ur brain and that it made that much of an impact on you! I genuinely almost didn’t post it cuz I was embarrassed about how much this lil freak was on my mind and I didn’t want the drawing to prove it you know? But I gave into the temptation of oversharing which is always fun! And that didn’t go as badly as I thought so! He also liked it on twitter like both posts I made on my backup and art account idk,,, idk what to do about it tbh,, I’ve been running on the anxiety and the huge confidence boost that gave me for days now.. I’m serious I haven’t been sleeping cuz I’ve been thinking abt the fact he saw my art and that maybe he saw the rest of my art and my page and…. Wtf
And I love that part the most! I was just thinking about Spencer and what would look cool for him and drew what vibes he gave off to me! I was also just having fun w the drawing l was trying to be looser and less perfectionistic and more expressive in my art so hopefully that shows here. The words are also song lyrics of songs that I was listening to while drawing it!!
This art is my style that I’m both proud of and kind of embarrassed about how messy it is but maybe that’s apart of the charm??? Who knows
(I don’t get notifications at all so I just had to manually find this through making a custom setting of asks, so I hope I’m not too late to reply to u ! I am genuinely so thankful for the love on my art, it feels like it must have been washed away by all of the other content on social media so for it to have made an impact I’m genuinely so happy and overjoyed and overwhelmed )
(also for my anxieties sake I want to mention that I understand Spencer is a real person and I’m not trying to sound parasocial when I write this, I kinda view him as a little guy that I want to put in my pocket but in the way that he was not actually himself, like a different person? Like how people write about real people so they are characters in a fanfiction - like that)
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hyper-pie · 2 years
Text
Different
Dustin Henderson x FEM!reader w ADHD and GAD
reader is the same age as Dustin
Ler: Dustin
Lee: reader
Warnings: Cussing, light tickles, Gentle teasing, mentions of being overwhelmed and confused, hurt comfort, angst a little bit, kissing, nicknames
length: long
AN: Self indulgent fic cause well i need this rn i love this man... the only man i would ever date. Also please be nice I know it is not the best but I tried
Ok lets get one thing straight, today sucked, and yesterday did too, and the day before yesterday... okay.... life sucks and all you could do is curl up listening to "you spin me right round" by dead or alive while crying yourself to sleep, your thoughts and worries tangling up stopping you from doing what was important. Your lack of concentration and worry were getting far too out of hand and you didn't know what to do.
The next day you couldn't take it anymore, the stress, anxiety and overthinking caused you to get intense with your friends and your boyfriend.
A few hours earlier.....
At lunch at the hellfire table
You are just sitting there eating your sandwich then realized that you have a assignment due the next day and you are late. The dark expression on your face was noticed by Dustin, the person who knows you best. still you were scared... this meant you had to cancel and you were terrified. Your leg began to vibrate, voice cracking as you spoke. "Uhm I-I-I cant make it to hellfire tonight..... I- have homework.." Your said with anxiety clearly in your voice. Everyone stared at you like you were insane accept Dustin who moved to rub your back "guys it isnt a big deal school is more important than some adventure game anyway her missing one session isnt a big deal"
the others arguments against Dustin's statements was what broke you. with Eddie sick you were his replacement dm and with school, anxiety, worry, feeling different, stress, homework and chores it was too fucking much,. "The session is cancelled and if you have a problem with that CONSULT WITH MY FUCKING NON EXISTANT THERAPIST!" You say raising your voice tears in your eyes. Dustin's face filled with worry and care everyone else seemed mad. The feeling set in and all you did was run you ran as fast as you can home to your confused but accepting mother.
A few hours later
You had just finished the last of your homework tears in you're eyes 'You spin me right round' by dead or alive playing threw your walkman when you hear a distant knock,with your mom out of the house,, you were quite paranoid so taking nervous footsteps you make your way to the door floor creaking under your feet nerves gaining, devouring you whole. When opening the door you find your boyfriend with a worried look on his face plushy in hand. Seeing the scared anxious lost look on your face told him everything he needed to know. "D-Dustin... I-i I am sorry I never meant to blow up at you guys they were just being asswholes and I felt worse and I feel so different I hate myself I am ugly I am Stu-" you were unable to Finnish your sentence as you were scooped up and carried outside with your bag and all stuff you may need. You said nothing, it was the plan for you to stay at the Henderson house when your mom was out of town.
On the walk any attempt at a word was quickly shushed in a soft gentle tone. Dustin reached up and ran his fingers through your hair even when you got to his house he was still holding you stroking his fingers through your hair making you melt.
he kept you there for a while before cradling you in his arms placing a sweet kiss at the top of you're head. "You wanna talk about whats been bothering you muffin?"
The air became thin as you tensed up your posture "hey hey hey You are okay. you are safe in my arms okay? " he says seeming serious and truthful. You nod and looked at him "I guess i feel d-different.......... and i feel like i am gonna fail at life... everyone looks at me... i feel so pathetic all the time and i am genuinely anxious almost all the time. i had a late assignment and i needed time to do it... i got it done and here we are" you ramble out worried you sounded stupid Dustin's expression didn't change as he kissed you're nose "well lucky for you you have a boyfriend who knows the secret ingredient that always makes you happy!'' he exclaims in a soft sweet tone "hm?... what would- theheeep! duhuhustin" you squeek quietly feeling gentle fingers tease your skin with light brutely slow strokes pulling snorts out of you like no tommorow. "yes muffin? did you need somthing?" he said suddenly moving to your tummy tracing his nails up and down every so gently pulling heavy soft giggles from your lips your face a slight shade of red "awwwwwh your face is all red! how precious" he teased turning you even redder, slowly moving from sides to tummy to sides to tummy slight teases being fired at certain times when the times were right. After a while he noticed that you had almost had enough but he knew he needed to do one thing before hand. he then stopped his teasy fingers targeting your midddle to move up and trace feather light shapes on your neck causing you to squeele softly scrunching up your shoulders him then ending his gentle attack by placing a gentle kiss on your tummy. pulling you close going back to stroking your hair. "You may be slightly different but that is a good thing muffin it would get boring if we were all copy's of each other.."
" Also They were being asswholes they deserved that alright?" he said reassuringly you nodded resting your head on his chest him stroking your hair making you feel like the luckiest girl in you world "I love you Y/N.." he says softly
"I love you too dustin"
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draconikia · 2 months
Text
okay i am in my room writing and sipping my water while dr who plays. im gonna go on a bit of a whinge in the readmore, so feel free to ignore but i feel like my insanity is best explained at times?
so basically with my mom's cancer diagnosis and chemo, i've taken over the running of the house. it's not that bad. its technically what i was raised to do ( conservative christian home and all ). the issue is, i am disabled. while not visibly ( ok kinda but like most ppl dont notice ). i have lupus, pcos, hypothyroidism, EDS, and some weird fucking blood thing that the dr hasn't figured out yet.
if i were in another country i'd likely pursue diagnoisis for both chronic fatigue / exhaustion, as well as MH diagnoisis beyond 'hey u have anxiety and depression'. also myglasses prescription needs renewing but i have been so tired i cannot function to go to the dr myself rn.
anyway. all this leads up to me being a feral pile of mud in human form.
i WANT to write. i WANT to be here. i CRAVE writing. i CRAVE being creative. but my focus and anxiety are often times absolute shit. my anxiety is treated, but as of moms chemo starting i've started reverting back to less than stellar habits. this means, sometimes im just a wreck. i dont KNOW i'm anxious until i've done something that incidentall hurts me. like i bite my nails off til they're bleeding when i'm half asleep at night. i scratch myself in my sleep. i am extra clumsy rn and keep partially dislocating joints and spraining muscles.
i also have to keep my mood up, because my mom depends on me to be hopeful and cheerful bc she's -- understandably morbid. this means i'm her emotional support and primary physical caregiver. some days!!! she's great. other days, i'm cleaning up after her and feeding her every few hours when she doesn't know what she wants to eat and fixing three or four different meals because we all want different things.
so yes. this is why. i have one braincell and sometimes it ... well tbqh it just fucks right off and leaves anxiety and depression running the show and they're little shits tbqh.
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scoups4lyfe · 1 year
Text
Bipolar Essay Extra #4
Tumblr media Tumblr media
A solid a$$ explanation of BD from Ian:
So, to add in some of my own experience here, I'll put in some of my journal entries, and then go a little in-depth:
[Friday, June 3rd 2022]
(20:54 — 8:54 PM) 
Oh, great. The insanity is back. 
Now, this type of insanity is hard to describe. Just…wired energy. Like anxious energy spazzing through me like I just took 9 shots of caffeine.” 
(End of entry.)
My thoughts:
Okay--so I still vividly remember the energy. Ian said there's so much energy, so much ideas, and that it gets to a point where you start losing sanity, and that's the point I was at. I just had all this energy inside of me, my mind was going 200 miles a minute but with 3 different voices, my hands were trembling, and I couldn't do anything because the energy was too my mortal coil to handle 🤪.
...
[September 15th 2022 — Thursday, 2:24 AM. ]
Currently fvcking tripping right now. I don’t think my mood stabilizers are doing the thing that they should be doing. Like I am out of my mind right now. I feel inSANE. Not bad-insane yet, but I know I’m going to have trouble sleeping. I….want to write and draw and watch Donbrothers but all this energy doesn’t want to do any of this. Like for some reason I want to go out running and screaming maybe, like I could jog five miles— but? This energy does not want to write or draw or watch sh*t or liveblog. It’s frustrating, but I can’t even be frustrated? Because my mood is just elevated lol. I feel fvcking crazy right now. 
The Moodswings movie (part 1) for this album [DPR Ian’s] is…something I greatly relate to. I see myself in that video. That’s me. Dude, it’s like looking through a mirror. Damn, it just reminded me of how shaky I was like a month ago when my thoughts wouldn’t stop racing and I felt like I was spiraling out of control at work. Dude that sh*t was hard. Right now I feel good, but I know this high isn’t….normal lol. These last few days have been somewhat like this, but this is the most energized and elated  I feel. To the point that I can’t even get upset. Like, yoINks. 
[End of entry]
Bro I hit that euphoric mania and got lost in the sauce And --warning ahead, the next entry I'm putting under this one was when I was deep into that euphoric mania. You can tell too cause my thoughts are all over the place.
[October 3rd, 2022]
Monday, 5:35 PM 
Too Much, Too Much, All at Once, ah FvCK
Everything is glowing. Like all the light sources are especially bright and so it’s hard to focus on any one thing because all this light is shining at me and my eyes are going in and out of focus. Right now I can’t stare at the computer screen. I can’t focus on it, it’s like my eyes start seeing everything in this room at once, and it’s all so bright, and I can’t think when it’s like this. Tomorrow is trash pick up day, so I finally got the garbage out of my room and …now there is a lot more space— fvck. I feel like I’m trembling but it’s not my body—maybe just my eyes. 
Man trying to gesture draw like this is going to be real sh*tty I can already tell. 
Uh, I hope this entry is coherent, I don’t feel very coherent right now. Just zazzed.  
I got a tab up, “Guide to Mental Health Acronyms,” because I want to finally know and remember what the fvckin acronym for “bipolar disorder” is. BitJazz borderline personality making everything all complicated. (Damn, mfer I am TRIPPING.) 
[6:12 PM]  WhOOPS—sorry, y’all. Got distracted texting J (and then this other acquaintance). Though all I’m inclined to text rn is just nonsense gibberish, occasionally in a nonsense rhyme scheme, and featuring a few thrown in completely-made-up words that just feel right. Man, on tumblr today — I was on the manic depression tag — I saw a post talking about grandeur delusions, but their delusions were “the belief that I could finally change for the better, start eating healthy everyday, working out everyday, cooking and cleaning everyday” and I was like—
Tumblr media
Damn, holmes! I guess I was more fvcked outta my mind then I thought. (I remember, idk how many weekends ago, having that same exact thought process and feeling because DAMN was I capable in that moment—ah. )
[6:28 PM] 
Sorry—was texting an acquaintance again. Wanted to share the above meme, and so I sent it once, and then a few texts later I sent it again. (Because it makes me laugh, LOL!!!!) Anyways, when I read tha— I need to get myself some more multivitamins lest I evaporate and die. 
FVCK
[6:40 PM] 
Damn I wish I could read. Right, right—that tab with the Mental Health Acronyms thing. Riiiiight. The Mental Health Acronyms tab ,,, the tab involving mental Health Acro— 
(lol) 
[8:28 PM] 
I’ve done some gesture drawing. Decided to move the 30 second timer (since I’ve done 70 drawings with it) to 2 minutes. My mind is fireworks. AAhhHHHHLHH;hhHH. Just read a tumblr post that said, “Being manic is feeling stuck in a perpetual loop of vertigo” and yah. I’ll drink to that bro. (LOL). 
I just found the perfect description. (Found, in my own thoughts, that is.) Right now, what I’m experiencing is like if I put on those red+blue 3-D glasses at the movie theater, except it's not red or blue, just light and so now I’m tripping tf outta my mind. 
(Unrelated) But a solid description of how I’ve been with my money these last like 5 months, literally the equivalent of: “Wow! I spent $50 on buttons in a variety of colors because I saw them and thought, ‘aw those are such cute little fkin buttons! I can place them all over my house and every time I see one I’ll be filled with immense joy because they’re just so fkin cuteeeeeeeeeee.’ And then when the buttons arrive being like, “What the fvck???/ What tHE FVCK?????” But then buying $50 more like 2 weeks later. 
Absolutely, 3 billion percent embarrassing behavior.
[End of entry excerpt ....it goes on for much longer LOL]
Anyways, I think these do a good job of showing what the mind of someone going through a manic episode is like--constantly switching thoughts, getting distracted, not all coherent, yada yada yada.
PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]
PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4)
Visuals of a Depressive Episode: (1), (2)
Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
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seokmins · 2 years
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(ehem, I read your carrd and was astounded to see another INFJ '01 liner like sksksksksk hiiii, idk if I ever mentioned it before but what the fuckity fuck ☹️🖤)
I have, dear Elv, come to present you a lil dokyeom imagine since my creative juices are drier than the sahara and this writer's block is stuck to me like a freaking leech and I can't write it rn so I'll just go ahead and present you the idea that never left my mind ever since our convo about ur name.
so, imagine a fae dokyeom, with pointy ears that have little diamonds crusting the edges, a lot of iridescent glitter at the temples, and colour changing eyes with all shades of brown that are ever possible. He's one of the light fae, so he always wears pearl white shirts (like the one in xcaliber) and his collarbones are always exposed where he keeps little flowers there because their scent makes him smile. His sings of course, and he's the one responsible to wake up the fae village every dawn with a morning song, and send them to sleep with a lullaby, so he flies up to the tower with his translucent, greenish wings and amplifies his voice so everyone could hear.
what's interesting though is that dokyeom, our sunshine, has fae dust with different purposes, one is for truth, one is for love, one is for kindness. he has trouble navigating his feelings, so when he wants to express himself, he does a little trick where the other can't see him for five seconds, and he blows fairy dust onto them, so they can understand his feelings better lest he mumbles or stutters. And here's the catch; he's got a crush on one of the dark fae in the neighboring village.
He becomes a nervous mess every time she shows up around, and often times runs to hide because he knows he'll start babbling non-stop and the fae dust on his temples would glow pink with shyness. One day he doesn't run away when the dark fae with her black glittery wings comes and says hello, and instead of dipping his hand into the little pouch of 'kindness' fae dust, he accidentally takes a lot of 'love' fae dust and immediately starts confessing his crush to her!
I can already see how the diamonds on his ears would radiate red and he'd attempt to fly away on the spot, scolding himself for his nerves. And I just feel like that's insanely cute.
and thank you very much.
EBONIIIIIIIII 🧚🏻‍♀️
Choking on fairy dust like rn honestly!! This is so cute? 😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭😭❤️ PLS I absolutely adore the diamond crustings on his ears I am utterly devastated at this visual of him in a white shirt w/ flowers 😭😭😭 falling flower dokyeom when will u return bby?? And his job? He'd love it sm omg 🥺🥺🥺 imagine living in the fae world and being woken up and then sang lullabies at night omg I'd sleep so well for once in my lifeeeee
His lil fairy dust feelings got me FEELING things 😭 DEVASTATED AT HIM TURNING RED AFTER HE CONFESSES HIS FEELINGS I WANT THIS SO BAD 😤
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