#bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gffa · 3 years

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Dude the one response you wrote to another anon about having a hard time being a Real Person ™️ and interacting with others online bc of anxiety and stuff hit me so hard bc like BIG SAME.

I seriously appreciate how honest you are about this, bc I have very similar issues and I try really hard to leave comments on fics or reply to comments on my fics and sometimes my brain just says NO. And then too much time passes and then it's just awkward to reply later?? And then like, if you comment on a fic and the author replies and it opens the way for more conversation... Am I supposed to reply again??? I mean like obvs I know I don't have to, so usually I don't bc STRESS. But. ???? Idk.

What's the worst is that I have this same issue in "Brick Life" (IRL?)... Like, texting/emailing/chatting with friends and aquaintences??? How?? I overthink like EVERYTHING. And I wish I could just say, "yeah hey I have these problems so sometimes I can't reply! Or my reply might come off as weird to you bc I spent an hour rewording it and now I sound like an alien!" But I don't know how??? And I've tried doing like PSAs but ppl are like "oh you're so brave for admitting you have mental health issues. I'm so proud that you're reaching out" and then they go on with their lives like I don't have debilitating anxiety and seem to expect me to interact with them in whatever way they think is "normal" and im like 🙃🙃🙃

Anyway. Socially anxious high five from me to you. And you totally don't have to reply to this at all if you don't want to! I just read what you say sometimes about having anxiety and stuff and my brain goes "!!!!!! SAME HAT!!!!!"

Have a good day/night/time 💞

GOD, I REWROTE THIS RESPONSE LIKE FIVE TIMES, no, I’m not kidding. Yes, it’s funny because that’s what this response is about but also I really did. So, I’m going to start with this: And I wish I could just say, "yeah hey I have these problems so sometimes I can't reply! Or my reply might come off as weird to you bc I spent an hour rewording it and now I sound like an alien!" But I don't know how??? ^ Say exactly this! Seriously! It doesn’t have to be a big, huge conversation piece about how you’re anxious, you can just drop that in quick at the beginning, just tell the person, “Hey, brain weasels are really wriggling around up there today, so this took me awhile to cough up, so if it sounds like it’s weirdly terse or something, that’s not the intention, I’m just anxious about it.” and then go right on into the conversation. I’ve found that the shame of social anxiety is a real pain in the ass, but so is letting it define me. It’s a thing I have! It sucks massively! I have to deal with it every day and in almost every conversation! People want to help, and when I can tell them specifically what I need (usually it’s just that I need some extra understanding if I sound stilted or terse or disjointed, to know that it’s not that I’m being an asshole, it’s that I’m herding cats up there and this was the best I could get out in the moment), it goes a long way, because people are very understanding! Or, for example, sometimes I go on a little too much because I can’t stop myself and then I’ll tack on something like, “LOL GOD SORRY I know this is obnoxious, I just had FEELINGS, I’ll let you go now.” and throw in an emoji something to lighten the mood. Or, if you’re friendly with someone and they’re like, “What’s wrong, you seem off today.” and you can reply with, “[tosses a rock at] SOCIAL ANXIETY SUCKS AND I HATE MY LIZARD BRAIN. (Okay, I’m being dramatic, but sometimes you gotta be over the top about these things!)” Or even something as simple as “/Social Anxiety Having Nerd Trying To Be Totally Normal Level Of Cool To Interact With” at the start/end of something as a reminder to people. Make it silly, even when the feelings are real, while also letting yourself off the hook for feeling this way! A lot of us are dealing with anxiety or other various forms of mental health issues, many of which are going to be with us for a long time, if not the rest of our lives. It can be exhausting to carry this shit around, to feel like you have to do so much more work than other people do just to have a goddamned conversation. And there are absolutely times to be deadly serious about it, especially if you’re having a bad day and need to vent or just need some commiseration. Figure out what you need from your friends, what they specifically can do to help, but also have some humor with it and remember that, hey, if other people can fake it until you can’t tell they had anxiety, then you can fake it so that others can’t tell you have anxiety. Remember that there almost always will be more chances in the future to interact with someone, another fic will come along, another conversation will come along, another meta will come along, there will be more chances, so if you have to let some pass by because you don’t have the energy to get up over the anxiety hill to comment, then that’s okay, too. A lot of us are dealing with this stuff and some missed chances are because we’re human. I mean, if you do get up the energy to respond and don’t know where to go from there, it’s okay to not respond back! It’s okay if they don’t respond back! People are but blobs floating in the currents of the ocean, sometimes they bob closer, sometimes they bob further away, but they’ll always come back and go away and come back again. And that goes for you, too. If responding to something makes your brain go N O P E, then don’t stress about it. If you’re just kinda nervous, remember that other people can’t tell NEARLY as much about you as you think they can. Everyone is up their own asses about their own stuff, so you can be a trainwreck over here and hardly anyone is going to notice because they’re too busy thinking about their own trainwreck! I promise you, people are not NEARLY as perceptive as you fear they are, when it comes to piercing the veil of your social anxiety, and so it’s okay to just let stuff slide or be a little twitchy, because you’re a person and so is everyone else. ♥

#lumi.txt #anxiety for blacklist #anonymous meme #Anonymous

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cowboy-kin · 4 years

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top 10 3 tag!

choosing favourites are SO hard bc my tastes... keep changing... so ill only do top 3 bc otherwise ill lose my mind trying to fill the lists up (tagged by @ey-blondie !! thank you!!)

no read more bc im on mobile. im so sorry

Top 3 movies (in no particular order):

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

what can i say? gorgeous animation, beautiful story, excellent characters--and this movie just oozes love, both within the story itself and from every single person who worked on the film. watching spider-verse just makes me super happy

Fargo

the pacing and atmosphere for this one is so good, i love when filmmakers take their time building the tension. even tho the whole plot of the kidnapping is laid out to the audience in the very beginning it still manages so keep your attention with the dialogue and the fascinating cast. ive watched this movie many times

Mad Max: Fury Road

THIS ONES JUST RLLY SUPER FUN i generally get bored with too much pointless action but the stunts in fury road are so genuine and over the top i just have a blast watching them. but most of all i love the themes of the story: fighting for freedom, grizzled characters learning to trust others, the fact that they succeed in overthrowing a terrifying warlord, god. theres highs and lows, action and drama, fire and even more fire; this movie is like a dish on chopped where all the mystery ingredients are pretty normal except one of them is hot cheetos and the contestant just made it work

Top 3 songs albums (at the moment):

Hive Mind (The Internet)

Reflections in Real Time (Kilo Kish)

Pony (Orville Peck)

not gonna wax poetic abt these albums bc if i do this post would be way too long so just kno that i love these albums a lot and you should check them out

Top 3 books:

Ash (Malinda Lo)

3 words: gay fairytale retelling. this whole book just feels dreamy, like youre being swept up by the magic of the story. its an almost fearful sensation, but in the way that doing something new and dangerous is fearful--where theres a promise of something better on the other side. i rlly need to pick this book up again when i have the energy

Girl Town (Casey Nowak)

saw it in a bookstore while looking for another book, recognized the artist, decided to leave it at the time, then went back a few days later to buy it bc i could not stop thinking about it. one of the things i love most abt this book is that the women are so real. you only get a glimpse into their lives in each comic, but its a deeply intimate one where you dive right into their thoughts and hopes and fears and they just come alive, even after you close the book. it was also so refreshing to see unpolished, "weirder" women (like me!) being featured in the comics. think i finished the whole thing in less than a day bc i couldnt put it down

i. cant think of a 3rd one. i cant read

I tag:

uhhh @itscookieoverlordtoyou ?? i feel weird tagging ppl but since i kno u irl somehow its less weird lmao. also if anyone else feels like doing this just pretend i tagged u

#long post #this took. so long. but it was fun #i hope i didnt go overboard with my descriptions fhdhdhdhd i like pretty language ok

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