#and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#focus who? i dont kno her #its so bad. i csnt focus at all. and ive got way too much to do. take me back to last week where i spent hours reading papers #annoying. also possibly lack of sleep cstching up with me #do u ever get very little sleep and not miss it at all? yea bitch all the time. then i get depressed and its sleepy time #and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol #maybe ill just do nothing and completely fuck over my sunday lol #maybe i should go run up thr mountain rn before im stuck in a car for 2 hrs #bc im getting spikes of being insane. unfortunately i have no emotional object permanence so when i feel crazy its like #ive always felt like this ans its terrible forever. and then immediately afterward im like lol wot? nah im fine. ive always been fine #shout out to mood swings ✌️ like bro im trying to get materials together so i can teach a class. can u shut the fuck up? and focus? #well see how i do today with a ton of socializing. itll b fine. im normal i can b normal #or i can b endearing quirky. or whatever i usually i am. i dont think i have conversations like a normal person but i cant tell bc im not #there for conversations im not in. whatever everyone else has conversations in a way thats boring. i just wanna grill ppl til i understand #how they work. and then feel like im gonna die if im in a group conversation 🙃 let me study thr ppl around me #bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful #ok maybe not cool. but i think i can get away with being interesting. i got at least a lil charisma. im only a bit horribly awkward ;-] #but i try to own it. wtf was i saying. jesus. i cant with my brain rn. i shoulf have gone for a run this morning #being social just makes me anxious so im babbling i guess. but itll b fun. and itll b pretty im sure #maybe ill try to draw my ocs while im not paying attention. ive neglected them for so long 😭 #unrelated

[odinsblog]

Lol. Last night I got in from work late af (late for me anyway) at 9pm and I s2g, I was fast asleep by 9:15pm

I didn’t eat anything, didn’t shower, didn’t brush my teeth, didn’t wash my face. Just got buck naked, jumped in the bed, got under the covers and went to sleep

And I only got up once when I had to pee. And just as I was about get my sleepy ass back into bed ...... the alarm went off

It felt like I had only been asleep for a few minutes but apparently it was all night. Almost a full 8hrs

Which was fine, I guess

I didn’t feel quite as rested as I should have, but ya know. Went on and brushed my teeth, washed my face and went on out for my morning run and swim. The weather was fucking perfect too

Anyway .... it’s kinda funny bc the day before when I woke up, I was full of “noap - definitely not running or swimming today”

Which to be honest, half the time I never actually feel like going for a run, know what I mean?

For me, my trigger is brushing my teeth. So every weekday morning when I get up, my only goal is to successfully traverse the distance from my bed to the bathroom and my toothbrush. Once I get to my toothbrush and start brushing my teeth, then everything else is pretty much a done deal:

“Well, I brushed my teeth, might as well wash my face”

“Now that I’ve brushed my teeth and washed my face, might as well stretch, get dressed and put on my running shoes”

“Oh, well now that I’ve brushed my teeth and washed my face and stretched and got dressed, might as well walk out the front door and actually do this”

BUT ........

If I don’t brush my teeth?? Then nothing’s guaranteed. Nothing

So yeah, the other day when I got up, I got up from my bed and just sat down in the chair in my bedroom (huge mistake)

And it was kinda funny bc I know myself, right?? So as I was sitting in that chair not brushing my teeth, I had this inner dialogue with myself:

“Odin if you don’t go brush your teeth and do all the other things, you’re gonna feel sluggish all day. And worse, you’re gonna beat yourself up all day for missing a run & swim, and then you’ll wanna burn a weekend morning to make it up on Saturday”

Also

“Yeah Odin, but if you don’t go brush your teeth and do all the other things, then guess what? YOU GET TO GO BACK TO SLEEP”

And for the first time in forever, I did not brush my teeth, and just went back to bed. Aannnd yes, I felt sluggish all day, I felt bad, and I beat myself up all day for missing a run and swim

There is no moral to this story

#a post about me