#he used it himself to reduce his own mental health issues | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-heart-of-a-monster · 1 year

Note

Sorry if this is way too long, because it's INSANELY long, originally it was just something simple like:

If the 6th stage of the Werehog is a quadruped, does Sonic lose his thumbs?

But then I started thinking about it WAY too much, and then I got really into the possible symbolism and themes of it. So I ended up writing like a full length essay below by going on a long tangent on my interpretation of what the comic's central theme might be.

---

Anyway, if the 6th stage of Sonic's transformation is quadrupedal, does he lose the ability to walk upright and use his hands? Because I can imagine Sonic mid-tf, thinking "at least this can't get any worse", and then it does get worse, when he gets forced onto all fours and his thumbs become useless.

Either way, considering how distressed Sonic already is over his condition, being (physically) reduced to an animal is not going to go well for his mental health, that's for sure.

(And here's where that essay/tangent starts)

Speaking of mental health, the Werehog could represent the surfacing of Sonic's negative emotions, or 'inner darkness' so to speak. Sonic has a tendency to keep his real emotions to himself, so he hides them behind a cool and confident facade, not wanting to let on that he can be unsure and insecure. Sonic feels he has to be strong for everyone else, so he hides his issues from others and ignores them. Sonic is avoiding his 'darkness', but avoidance is not a solution.

Both Sonic's emotions and condition are only going to get stronger, and oftentimes, when someone's negative emotions get too strong, it twists them into a scared animal.

Which Sonic has literally turned into.

Unable to see past his fear, Sonic's reason is being clouded by his self-doubt and self-loathing, and he might be feeling the constant fear of: "if I can't even love myself, how can I expect anyone else to love me?"

How do hands tie into that? I think hands symbolize support and comfort.

At least three times, Shadow reaches out to Sonic to comfort and support him, showing him that he loves and cares about him.

The first time, on p28 of Issue 4, Sonic is having a rough change and is in a lot of pain, and is probably at his most vulnerable, so Shadow reaches out and lets Sonic hold his hand so that he knows he's there for him.

The second time, on p6 of Issue 6, Shadow just about tells Sonic what he needs to hear. He's going to be okay, it's alright to be like this and Shadow's not going to hold it against him, and he's there for Sonic. Shadow reaches out to comfort, and not only does Sonic accept it, he pulls in and hugs Shadow close, knowing that Shadow really is there for him.

However, on p3 of Issue 7, the third time doesn't go so well. Shadow hadn't told Sonic about Holoska's polar night, afraid that Sonic would bail if he had known. Because Shadow had doubted and didn't trust Sonic, Sonic now doubts and doesn't trust Shadow.

When Shadow reaches out to support him, Sonic sees it as Shadow just trying to "play nice on [him] now", and so Sonic refuses it, slapping away Shadow's hand.

"[He] relied on [him], Shadow. But it seems like that was a mistake", Sonic responds as he leaves, now isolating himself.

Now believing that he can only rely on himself, Sonic goes back to trying to do so. Looking at the cover to Issue 7, I believe that hand is Sonic's own hand -- Sonic is trying to support himself.

Symbolically, if Sonic lost his hands he'd lose the ability to support himself.

No one can handle negative emotions by themselves forever, and Sonic needs those around him as much as they need him. He needs their comfort and support, because he can't rely on himself forever.

And Sonic knows those close to him love him, so why is he so afraid to ask for help? Vulnerability.

All his life, Sonic has been strong for everyone else, helping those and need and being a hero. Being the one who needs help for once, goes against his whole life. It's not just the fear of being a burden, it's the fear of not being what everyone else expects him to be, both in body and mind.

But if Sonic would just let himself be vulnerable by showing this side of himself to everyone else, and admitting he has issues he can't handle on his own, Sonic would realize that those around him only want him to live his best life, regardless of who or what he is.

Even if what's on the outside is sometimes a beast, what's on the inside will always be Sonic.

No matter what, those close to him will always love him, through all his good and bad times. Like night and day itself, it's all part of the same cycle. The darkest nights always lead to the brightest days.

Sonic's friends will never hold this 'darkness' against him, because it's still part of him -- it's still Sonic. And while Sonic may have bad moments, but that doesn't make him bad, and even if he doesn't believe it, he still deserves compassion and acceptance.

After all, this 'monster' still has a heart.

---

Anyway, sorry again for writing something so long. It was actually kinda fun to look back on and analyze the comic, but I definitely overdid it.

It'd probably be an understatement to say I love this comic, but I do absolutely love it.

NO SORRY I THINK THIS IS VERY INTERESTING!!!!!!!!!!

especially the last few paragraphs have me clutching at my heart

#fan lore #synthshade #long post #text heavy

70 notes · View notes

cult-of-the-eye · 6 months

Text

So I had this idea that when Martin gets mad at someone, he represses it and ends up being even nicer to them. It ended up being slightly longer than I thought it would be lol.

Content warnings - slight mention of martin's mum being ill, mental health issues and the effects of trauma are explored, a lot of self-hatred and general angst but a hopeful ending, hurt/comfort's angsty cousin

Martin K Blackwood has never heralded himself to be the most sane of people. He has never been under any illusion as to the effect of his childhood (and...other...situations) on his psyche. He has been to therapy, albeit once, in a short-lived, hugely embarrassing attempt during secondary school, where he was gently informed that his particular set of problems required more qualified areas of intervention. In short, as many times that people have helpfully informed him of his "fucked up"-ness, he has always been the one who was most aware of it. As a method of self-soothing, he tells himself that all poets are tortured. It's just for him, the poetry came before the torture. These thoughts, musings, poetic substance or whatever else, came to him whilst making tea for his boss, Jonathan Sims, one cloud-soaked afternoon.

It wasn't as if he meant it. Making someone tea after they had borderline reduced them to tears wasn't a conscious decision. His feet just moved, as of their own accord, out of Jon's office, one before the other, his trainers making soft thuds against the carpeted floor. Towards the kitchen. And if he's in the kitchen, he might as well make tea. And if he's making tea, he might as well make some for Jon. He put extra care into this mug - if he poured the water with steady hands then maybe he wouldn't start to cry. It would be silly to cry, he decided. This was a realisation that came as he stood still next the counter, watching the tea steep. It wasn't anyone's fault but his own that he cited the case wrong, he should've known. He should've been better at pretending to have a Masters degree in Parapsychology. Serves him right for lying. How could anyone have blamed Jon for shouting? It must seem like he's being inadequate on purpose. Some cruel joke being played on only him. So of course, he shouted. And of course, Martin cried. He expected heaving sobs, thundering through his whole body, as large and foreboding as the sky outside. Instead, they were sharp, singular and furious. How could he have known that he'd get a phone call from the hospital in the middle of the night saying that things had gotten worse? How could he have known that the citing method had changed? How could he have known that he would be saddled with the most inconsiderate, frustrating, bastard of a-

"Martin?"

Luck, it seemed could be added to the list of things Martin had never heralded himself to have. He hoped to whatever was up there, that he'd be wrong, for once. But he knew better than to hope, so he quickly shoved the heels of his palms into his eyes and took a small breath.

"Um, hi Jon, I...I was just, uh..."

"Making tea?" He offered.

Maybe inconsiderate was a tad hasty of him. He looked terrible. There was no way around it. His perfectly corporate office wear looked like it had been slept in for multiple days, the collars no longer perfectly ironed and creases running down his sweater vest. There was no tie and his hair fell out of the pristine up-do that he was sure took him hours to get right every morning. His face was haggard but more open than he was used to. It unnerved him slightly, to see the sharpness of his features microwaved into an artificial softness. It wasn't something he deserved. He had a knack for looking gift horses in their mouths. After all, he had contributed to those sleepless nights, his actions had probably driven Jon's hands frustratedly through his hair. And yet he was standing in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot.

He cleared his throat. He opened his mouth. He closed it. He opened his mouth again. He closed his mouth again. Martin could almost see the synapses firing in his brain, tiny little fireworks connecting dot after dot, trying to construct the most appropriate sentence for the situation. It took a while, but he got there.

"Martin. I came here to inform you that there was an error in the system. The citation method that you had used was in fact, the correct one. You may continue using that and I will have no issue."

Each word arrived stilted. It was as if he had written it out for some AI helper to read out loud and then repeated it back to said robot. Martin didn't mind, exactly, he was too busy processing what had actually been said to care about how he had said it.

"Was that an apology?"

Jon's face shifted immeasurably. It took a few seconds of awkward silence for him to realise that he was blushing. Immediately, Martin took note of all the signs, knowing that now that he'd seen it, he would never want to miss it again. The tips of his ears turned pink and his mouth twitched, as if he was desperately keeping down a vomit of facial expressions. The solid rock of anger was deep inside Martin and thankfully stopped him from regretting anything he had said. His veins turned to gravel, as he clasped and unclasped his hands by his side.

"I believe so.", came the answer. It did nothing to liquify the solidity in his veins, so out came another sentence that he would lie awake thinking about at night.

"Can I have a proper one?"

"I don't know what you mean, Martin."

The tea was cold, anyway. He had nothing left to lose.

"I want an apology, Jon. I take all of your criticisms on stride, no matter how much I think about how you could've said it in a nicer way or how you don't do this with Tim or Sasha or how I've been working my ass off, this whole time. I'm sorry the archives are way more disorganised than you thought they'd be and I'm sorry you're struggling but you shouldn't take that out on me."

"I'm not struggling, Martin."

He barked out a laugh. "Of course that's the bit you focus on."

Finally, he seemed to have touched a nerve. Adrenaline pumped through him, making him feel nauseous. Every bone in his body told him to stop talking, shut his mouth and grovel. Fix this. The words had been projecting out of his mouth, wriggling like sickly, pale maggots, but part of him wanted to keep talking until he was empty. Until he had no more words to throw. But it was in Jon's nature to ruin his plans. Just like he had ruined his promotion by being an ass. Just like he had ruined his ability to hate him by being just the right amount of kind.

"I'm sorry, Martin. I really am."

Martin had once been told by a therapist that he was using the word "should" to beat himself up. This was the very same therapist that had declared her lack of qualification in the first session, so he dismissed it. He thought of her as the "shoulds" flooded into his brain. One stood out from the rest, unable to be sharpened into the weapon he wanted. It shouldn't have been enough. He should have pushed for more of an apology, he should've asked for more kindness, but the fact of the matter was that it was enough. It was Jon and he was apologising. He knew he was going to take it, no matter how this conversation had gone. He knew it from the very first time he laid a cup of tea on his desk and had been barely acknowledged.

"Thank you, Jon."

Maybe he should return to therapy. Maybe he was fucked up. Maybe he was no longer the only one who knew that. Jon awkwardly shuffled off, leaving rubble where there once was a jumper-clad man. Martin did the only thing he knew how to do. He clicked on the kettle, to make another cup of tea.

51 notes · View notes

thewayuarent · 7 months

Note

Hi, I’ve read your meta about addiction and I have a question about what’s come next. In the preview Sand asks Ray to go to rehab and I’m not sure it’s a good thing (you wrote about rehab and how Ray needs to want it for himself). So do you think it won’t work out for Ray?

Hi) It’s a good question and the answer is: I don’t know. As I wrote in part two, we need more information about how Sand will handle this whole situation - for now he’s good (in my opinion, again, I’m not a professional it’s all my own experience) but it can go wrong any minute. We also have no idea how Ray will handle it for himself, or how his surrounding will react on that. Whatever show runners decide I guess.

For example, I still don’t know how they’ll address the fact that Sand is connected to alcohol on a daily basis - he makes illegal wine. Also we can clearly see that in next week preview they drink together in the bar, and they drink together in the bathroom scene from the trailer.

I don’t think it’s necessary a bad thing actually - as I wrote, there is not one perfect way to deal with addiction that works for everyone. Some people prefer to quit once and for all, some people prefer to slowly reduce the dose of consumption - it’s a very unique experience and it’s fine to try different methods to find what works best.

Ray absolutely needs a support system and it’s a good thing Sand is here. Also I want to get that one to Mew - in their conversation he asks Ray to ask the therapist about quitting and it’s so much better from Mew’s side. He’s not judgmental as he used to be, he cares - that’s a character growth if you ask me.

About the rehab thing. I do believe that forced rehab doesn’t work - but I also believe that it’s fine for someone to motivate the person to try. In preview we see that Sand ask Ray about it and Ray agrees to do it for him. It’s okay. He can be motivated to do therapy, what’s important is for him to find a motivation not only in Sand (or Mew, or his friends, or his dad) but in himself. Love can’t heal him, but love can help him to want healing, you know? He can go for it because of Sand and find the reason for himself in a process, it’s absolutely okay.

The thing with Ray is that his addiction is not exist in vacuum - it coexists with his mental health issues. He has no motivation to get better because he believes he deserves only the worst. And it is something very important for his arc - to learn that he deserves better things. I hope he will find it, I truly do.

For now show does a pretty decent job on addressing mental health issues - with both Ray and Top (tho I do want to see more of Top’s). Both of them have struggles partially caused by ptsd - addiction (for Ray) and insomnia (for Top) and clear abandonment issues. I don’t know how show will handle it from here, we have three episodes left and I hope it’ll continue to do it right.

By that point I don’t have a big critique on the topic, but I kind of understand why a lot of people are a bit confused from the preview. I also do think that I’ll write another part on this topic - especially about Sand’s role in this whole situation - when the show ends and we’ll get the whole picture.

#ofts #only friends the series #only friends #only friends meta #asked and answered #what was the question again? I’m sorry I went on a rant

23 notes · View notes

marshmallowsqoosh · 1 year

Text

[Sleep Token (Band) | Gratitude]

Fandom: Sleep Token Title: Gratitude Rating: Mature CW: Non-Explicit Sex, Tentacles, Dubious Consent -> Explicit Consent, Hand Jobs, References to Mental Health Issues, Lesser Warnings: Altered Physical State (Sleep gives His vessels gifts that cause mutations; III has tentacles), Self-Conscious!Vessel/Depressed!Vessel, Sleep is chill/supportive, Sleep is an eldritch horror that exists in an alternate plane of existence and manifests as tentacles to His vessels, Vessel is Sleep’s host so... assisted masturbation???

Summary: Sleep doesn't understand much about humans, but knows many of them appreciate physical intimacy. He enjoys paying His vessels-especially His host-gratitude and praise.

Vessel is grateful... but not entirely positive he's earned it. III is very positive he's earned it. ♥ aka Sleep likes to praise His vessels by making them feel good and III gets to help.

extras. Status (& AO3 Link): complete! word count. ~3815

I am not responsible for what I do when I’m tired and haven’t slept in like four days.

♥

Vessel wakes up to the sensation of awareness in his core… and, perhaps, in part because he feels… familiarity and waking nerves spreading through his body. Nerves that aren't his.

In the same moment he manages to push up on his left arm—body and limbs already beginning to feel nonexistent in anticipation—he feels III shift beneath his right arm and quickly shushes him.

"Mmm… Vessel—?"

"It's nothing." A chaste kiss across the other's forehead, a gentle trail of fingers down the side of III's face, cupping his cheek for the briefest moment to lull him back down to the pillows. "I'll only be a few moments. Go back to sleep."

The words always leave such an odd taste in his mouth—one he isn't certain is his own awareness or their Old God being pleased. But, after a moment of struggling to wake up more, III finally relaxes back into the bed, rolling onto Vessel's pillow, in the process, and clearly doing his best to smother himself in the familiarity and scent as Vessel gingerly wills himself out of bed. He only watches III for a moment longer—just long enough to check he's indeed still and fast asleep again—before he turns his full attention to getting even a little bit further away. Somewhere he won't risk waking the bassist or either of the other vessels or any acolytes.

His walk is unsteady as the awareness spreads and becomes heavier. It doesn't take long until he's shaking with the sheer effort to stay standing, one hand braced on the wall as he edges down the hallway. He perhaps wanted to get to the library, maybe even the oratory. Somewhere… quiet and away from people. As it is, he's lucky he manages not to collapse on the bathroom floor after fumbling with the door handle. He barely manages to catch himself on the sink counter, at least a little aware that he knocks over the little cup holding various personal items—toothbrushes; a pen for some reason; IV's toothpaste, that he kept telling people not to use—and simply grips the counter as tight as possible.

He can feel the small rift forming in the center of his back—knows it isn't really attached to him and still wondering if he could perceive it; he knows the others can't, not even II, with his gift of infinite and expanding knowledge from Sleep.

II… knows and understands in a way the others—even Vessel—don't and can't and simply tells all of them to accept that Sleep's rift is a courtesy to reduce the strain of Vessel hosting Him. II, in particular, was fond of the few times he was awake at the same time as Sleep, eagerly—as eagerly as he could in his rather perpetually fatigued state—seeking out the affirmations from their god and accepting the gentle tap of a tentacle on his head, likening it to a kiss on the forehead.

III never seemed bothered by the explanation and had simply allowed the curious tentacle-like appendage to coil around his arm, the first time he saw it. He never went out of his way to approach Sleep, instead only taking any attention from the manifestations when they happened to occur near him and never anything more. Always mindful that his hands never got too close to where the rift supposedly formed.

IV had been a bit more forward, his first time; holding his hand out to let it come to him before he pet down the length, either unaware or unconcerned that it sent a shiver up Vessel's spine as Sleep responded in delight to the extra attention. Even so and despite his usual cravings for affirmation and acknowledgement from literally any of the other vessels, IV seeks Sleep out even less than III does. He waits to be invited closer, even when he's aware Sleep is awake and manifested, he waits until Vessel invites him closer—sometimes II will, if Vessel hasn't noticed him—and will wait further, hand outstretched, until Sleep acknowledges him and beckons him closer.

When he finally manages to raise his head enough to look up at his reflection, Vessel finds his skin already flushing an enticing shade of pink and red that slowly spreads over him and a thin layer of sweat starting to form. He feels and sees his tank top move—the shoulder strip first, before the hem gets pushed up. Nothing in the mirror, it simply looks like his shirt moving on its own; but, he can see the dark appendages in his peripherals, coiling from his back as they move over his shoulder. Around his waist.

I did not mean to wake you, Vessel.

Sleep's voice is as intoxicating as ever and Vessel takes a series of slow, deep breaths to try keeping even a sliver of his focus. It always… takes a few minutes, when he first wakes up, to brace himself for the inevitability. He may not have been ready today… but, maybe he didn't want to be, either.

One of the appendages—a black void, little more than an illusion of shadow but definitely with form—slithers over his shoulder and coils around his neck, just tight enough he has to tilt his head back to follow the pull. The two around his waist are resting just above the band of his pants, waiting for Vessel to be able to think clearly, to consent to the continued gesture of praise or to… decline? He's never positive what Sleep is waiting for. Confirmation he was awake? A sign of weakness? He knows the Old One is waiting for verbal consent; but, it always feels like He's waiting for something else, too.

"Humans are sensitive to touch, Sleep, and I am always aware, so that I may serve you in a most timely manner. I would have reacted sooner or later and—" His breath hitches, his knees nearly buckling; the words apparently constitute enough consent that Sleep's prior touches resume. The tentacle around Vessel's neck tightens and coils more and he feels the slick membrane leaving residue behind in the process as the tip trails up to his mouth, tapping the corner lightly in mockery of a kiss. One of the two at his waist manages to push both the waistband of his pants and underwear out of the way, just enough that the other can slither down further, coaxing him further to arousal.

It's all he can do, desperately trying to grip the counter tighter, even when he can't find purchase to do so. "—a-and… we would have woken III. He needs rest."

Do you not?

It's getting harder to think straight. It's only sheer will keeping him from trying to shift his weight just enough he might get a little bit more friction than the languid stroking at Sleep's pace. Only sheer will keeping him from pulling the tentacle near his mouth into his mouth. He needs to stay focused.

"I am your vessel. I—my voice, my body, my everything—is yours to do with as you please, regardless of place and time."

He gave up his boundaries years ago, if he ever had them. At least with Sleep—as His vessel—he has a purpose.

You are so much more than my vessel. If this routine is becoming inconvenient, you need only say so. I prefer my vessels in good health, especially so my most devoted. This is meant to be a reward, Vessel… not a punishment.

"I understand."

He doesn't—well. He does. He doesn't agree, necessarily, but he does understand that the moments Sleep chooses to be more familiar and intimate with any of them—mostly Vessel, although he's extended his praises and offers to the others; Vessel isn't sure any of them, except perhaps II, understand. But when Sleep chose to indulge in this sort of praise… Vessel knows he should consider himself fortunate for such an attentive god.

The words, thankfully, seem to sate Sleep's desire to try affirming anything further. Vessel stays standing by sheer will—the desire not to appear as weak as he knows he is. He lets himself lean forward, trusting the little remaining strength in his arms and the fact Sleep has a hold around him to keep him mostly upright. The appendage around his neck loosens and slides away to turn its attentions elsewhere—moving down Vessel's back and trying to wriggle its way into his pants, as well. Without it holding his head back, Vessel lets his head loll forward, not remotely interested in trying to hold it up. No different than bowing his head during worship and letting him keep his attention fixed firmly on the sink and the way his hair curtains around him, to keep from watching the way Sleep strokes him. Different from a human touch. More like a mouth, in feel a texture, but still not quite the same. Still more than enough to feel something that resembles a positive emotion, even as some part of him continues to insist he hasn't earned this praise.

As though proving he hasn't earned this, Sleep suddenly stops and it's only the pride of his devotion that silences the protest lodged in his throat. This is at Sleep's discretion. If He decides Vessel no longer deserves recognition and reward, that is His decision and is not for Vessel to protest—

Ah, most wonderful, I feared you would not hear me. Please, assist me.

Hear Him? He has to be talking to Vessel, but… that hardly makes any sense—

Before Vessel can form enough coherency to ask for clarification—even as the need to do so leaves a horrible and appropriate taste of failure in his mouth; even as he remains painfully aroused and desperately wanting more than what's given—a new touch nearly does pull the startled scream from him. At the very least, it does elicit a sharp gasp and his attention snapping back to the present in clearer focus. But, he freezes from turning, his attention focused on the mirror and finding III's reflection smiling at him, hand resting gently on Vessel's waist, cushioned between two of Sleep's tentacles.

With the acknowledgement, III finally presses to up to Vessel's back with a soft, airy sigh. He can't see the rift that Sleep manifests from; but, he knows it's there and can see the tentacles and is oh so mindful that he's not flush against Vessel's back, but still close enough the tentacles are gently squished between them and cause all of them to give a delighted wriggle that nearly makes Vessel's knees buckle as Sleep returns His attention to the languid stroking and caressing of His vessel's body.

It's only in that moment that Vessel even realises III's left arm is around his chest, tight enough to hold him up, even as the nails of his right hand dig into Vessel's skin as a slow, shaky breath escapes and Vessel realises that III is receiving the same careful, rewarding attention.

Which… does make sense; Sleep was never shy about extending His praises to the other vessels; they simply never took Him up on the advances. Usually. Even when Vessel tries to encourage them to—reminding them they have earned the praise—they declined and Sleep let it rest for the time. III finally accepting… makes sense and Vessel's grateful because he deserves the reward, but—

"When did you—?"

"You told me to go back to Sleep, remember?" III laughs at his own cheeky answer. Even so, he's clearly distracted as his body rocks in gentle motions to meet the way Sleep touches him and, in turn, ends up grinding against Vessel and pulling a quietly pleased moan from both of them. When he pushes against Vessel's back, this time, still mindful not to trap Sleep too thoroughly between them, he's pushing Vessel down to a more curled over position, almost flat to the counter, with III curled over him, still holding him up but utilising as much of the counter as he can for assistance.

Using the extra support to bring his right hand up, gently brushing Vessel's hair away from his neck. For a moment his fingers simply trace the wetness left behind from when Sleep had pulled his head back; a curious touch, like he's testing the thickness… and perhaps safety for himself, seeing as his next move is to bite, gently, at the back of Vessel's shoulder and then the junction of his neck, moving the bites up oh so slowly until he can nip at the shell of Vessel's ear, just to watch him shudder and struggle to breathe and stay perfectly still. He goes back to Vessel's shoulder, just to kiss the bite mark and follow the prior trail of bites with his tongue flat to Vessel's flesh; instead of another nip, he blows gently as the trail left by his tongue and Vessel finally bites out a short, remarkably pitiful expletive, his chest and entire torso heaving with the heavy breaths, hands curling into tight fists.

He just needs to stay still, it's all a test of devotion and will—

III's breath is warm against his neck, against the trail left by his tongue, "Sleep asked me to help. He said you're being stubborn."

Vessel's breath hitches; but, he doesn't get a chance to protest. A moan escapes, instead, as III bites at his neck again, a little bit harder, and his right hand moves across Vessel's throat, fingers curling gently, the exact same way Vessel does to him on stage.

"You always do so much for us, Vessel… for Sleep. For me. This is not a test and you will not be punished for enjoying yourself. Let me do something for you, even just this once."

Vessel wants to argue.

It's always a test—everything in life is a test—but more than that III always does more than enough. But the protests die on his lips, lost in another moan as III rolls his hips. Sleep has a tentacle stroking him, too, and the motion pushes Vessel further into the counter, pushes his own erection against the counter in the same moment Sleep coils tighter around him.

"May I?" III is quiet. Vessel almost doesn't hear him and the question sounds ridiculous. He already agreed to help Sleep, why is he asking—? "Vessel… I need to hear you say you want me here. That you want both of us here. I need to know you want this and you aren't just catering to me or Sleep. Tell me the truth."

It's only then Vessel realises everything else has stopped. Even as III stays as close as he can, both arms around Vessel like he's afraid to let go, he isn't grinding against Vessel anymore. Sleep isn't moving and most of His appendages aren't even touching Vessel anymore, clearly waiting on an answer, as well. But he isn't supposed to want—

Even as he tells himself as much, as he tells himself it's better this way as III starts to loosen his grip and back away… even then, he can't stop himself from grabbing III's wrist, from keeping him from leaving. The words lodge in his throat, desperate to be said, even as he tries to tell himself to let go—

You are allowed to want, Vessel. He sits up a little straighter and that finally makes him release III when he hears a quiet whine of discomfort from the other vessel. I have told you, many times since you came into our folds. You are far too cruel to yourself—moreso than I could ever dream to be or you to imagine me to be. Even in my infinite existence and my desire to mute your demons, you create more and more every day. You needn't fear allowing yourself a singular pleasure when offered. I believe you will find it most beneficial.

He doesn't trust himself to turn around; but, he can still see III in the mirror, looking more and more concerned in place of confusion. Uncertain he's allowed to offer comfort with how… heavy the atmosphere still feels. He wonders if III feels it, too.

"Stay…" Concern dissipates almost immediately and he looks… hopeful. Hesitant, but hopeful. Afraid of rejection. Afraid he's misunderstood. … He hates the word he needs to say. Want is such… an unsettling and terrifying word. "Please, stay."

III is still cautious, slowly edging up to his back once more. Sleep retracts some of His tentacles back through the rift, until there's only the one around Vessel's torso, one winding down his leg, and two reaching back for III. A moment later he feels the warmth and weight of III pressing up to his back again, just close enough that Sleep wiggles a little bit to show He still can, even as III wraps his arms around Vessel again.

"... I know it's hard for you to say. I get that." He presses his forehead against one of Vessel's shoulders, breathing slow and deep, like he's trying to will himself not to get his hopes up. "May Sleep continue?"

"... Yes." This is easier to answer and he's grateful for the direction and understanding. An airy moan escapes his throat as Sleep's attention turns to his earlier actions; the tentacle around his torso slips back into his pants to resume the gentle strokes, while the one down his leg comes back up and slips down the back of his pants, prodding at and teasing his hole, gently.

"May… I stay?"

"Please."

Immediately, III's attention is back on his neck and shoulder, biting down as his arms curl tighter for the briefest moment. Only a moment before his right hand is helping Sleep, fingers a much more solid grip as he strokes Vessel back to full arousal and his left hand moves up, closing over Vessel's throat. Not tight enough he can't breathe, but tight enough to that Vessel can feel his own moans, tight enough he's forced to tilt his head back once more. All the while rocking and grinding into Vessel to meet Sleep's touches, chest heaving against Vessel's back with each muffled moan and gasp, ever desperate to be as close as possible.

Sleep was intoxicating on His own; III is… a different kind of intoxication. One that made Vessel feel like he was just beneath the surface, surrounded by water and so close to drowning but just beneath, so he gets intervals where he can break the surface and gasp for air before he's dragged back down that little bit.

"Vessel—" III's voice is little more than a whine. Desperate and airy and needy.

Vessel wants to reach back. To reciprocate the generous touches or to pull III around so he's the one against the counter. So he's the one left squirming and weak in the knees and barely coherent.

Two more tentacles catch his wrists—coiling, just tight enough he can't move his hands from the counter, twisting and twining over his palm and through his fingers, like a desperate hold. Not tight enough to be painful but tight enough to get his attention when he feels another winding around and up his neck again, until the tip can trace his lips and he desperately takes it into his mouth this time. Sweet. Wet. Liquid sugar. That little bit thinner than he's used to from Sleep and… definitely sweeter.

It's only when he realises the sensation is mirrored on his dick—slick and wetter than Sleep normally is—that it registers the tentacles don't belong to Sleep. That they're coming from III, that more of the thinner tentacles wrap tight around Vessel, pulling him flush to III's body as Sleep retracts Himself completely back into rift so the two are flush together. It's the grinding and stroking and III biting down on the tender flesh between shoulder and neck to muffle himself, when Vessel doesn't have the same luxury and the expletive echoes off the closed walls around them.

It's barely being able to hold himself up on his own—he's fairly sure he's only standing because of the counter and III still holding him close and tight—as his body gives small, involuntary jerks to process the post-coital haze trying to lull him back to a less aware state. It's a stuttering exhale as the sweetness slowly leaves his mouth and, as it does, the tentacle slowly retracts and reforms into a more familiar hand; all of the tentacles retract into III's body and he simply wraps both arms as tight around Vessel as he can manage, still coming down from his own high and breathing heavy against Vessel's neck.

"That… was new…?" It feels ridiculous to point out; but, talking is keeping him awake, even as he feels something in his chest flutter when III gives a breathless laugh.

"Not really… no one ever asked what—what my gift from Sleep was." Some of his words stutter as he tries to catch his breath. He stubbornly pushes his face into Vessel's neck, nuzzling and trying to nest, the same way he does when he's falling asleep. "… Are you upset?"

"About your gift?"

"That I didn't tell you."

He hums and—with an effort—manages to pry III's grip loose enough that he can turn and lean back on the counter and finally wrap his arms around the other vessel. He looks… worried, but meets the look, evenly, clearly looking for assurance.

"I think it is a wonderful manifestation of a gift. One we can talk about in the later hours." Vessel presses a gentle kiss to III's forehead, then his lips. Chaste, barely a brush of contact but enough that III looks surprised. "You're very sweet tasting, yes. That will be for later, as well. Can you walk?"

III just blinks a few times before the corners of his lips tug into a more cheeky smile. "Should be askin' you that, Ves… your room?" He nods, a bit absently; not quite willing to admit he's still trying to will feeling to his legs. "… Me, too?"

This time he answers by gingerly pushing himself off the counter—he still takes a moment to find his balance—and tugging III's hand, gently, to get him to follow. They barely hit the mattress before III is pressed flush against him once more, arms tight around Vessel's chest and face shoved against his shoulder. He's out cold within moments and Vessel simply pets his hair back.

You should rest, as well, Vessel.

He hums a little, to acknowledge Sleep and lets his eyes close. He knows rest won't come easily.

But, he is feeling significantly better… and is properly surprised that he wakes up in the morning, instead of simply opening his eyes from a restful state.

#sqooshy writes #sleep token #sleep token fanfic #vessel sleep token #iii sleep token #vessel/iii #sleep sleep token #sleep/vessel #sleep/vessel/iii #rating: mature #cw: sex #tentacles #consentacles #cw: mental health #ao3 link #not beta'd

41 notes · View notes

amysubmits · 10 months

Note

Hi Amy :) long time fan of your writing

I know you’ve written about times where CD has mentally pulled away from you, and your dynamic, because of real world issues and circumstances. I was wondering if that still happens where maybe one of you is just having a rough time and pulls away and maybe how you navigate that and reconnect ? Or if this ever hurts your feelings and how you go about it even if his issues arnt because of or about you

Hope that made sense, have a great day!

Hey Anon :)

Thank you!

Yes, we still have times where one or both of us get sort of emotionally distant without fully realizing it. Sometimes due to life circumstances, sometimes just due to mood or mental health.

A little over a year ago we got to a place where we both (but mostly me, honestly, haha) felt more comfortable addressing issues or concerns at a faster pace, rather than waiting on emotions to fully pass. With that, we've been able to discuss any feelings of distance or being shut off or shut down a lot more quickly, which has resulted in those periods being shorter than they used to be. We've also both gained a lot of additional insight into our individual mental health situations the last year or so of being in therapy. And when we understand ourselves better, that makes it easier to communicate where we're at to each other.

So how it works is basically...

CD still tries to let me know if he is feeling 'off' at all, and to let me know it's not me if it's not me. I try to do the same. And we're both able to do this at least 90% of the time that it happens, now. And when we aren't able to communicate to the other person that we aren't fully feeling ourselves, it's the result of us not really realizing our own mood. So if CD is 'off' and he doesn't say anything to me, that usually means he isn't aware that he is 'off', so my goal would then be to let him know that I feel like he is 'off' so that he can kinda check in with himself about how he's doing, and then we can talk about it. And same thing if I'm the one who is off without realizing it. A lot of the time if we don't catch our own mental health thing, the other person will see it. Also, we're both medicated for things now that have helped reduce the low moods and intensity of anxiety that would cause us to pull away or pull into our own heads.

Once we've acknowledged that something is off, sometimes we fix it, and sometimes we let it run its course.

Sometimes that distance we've been creating with the other person doesn't feel necessary, so once we recognize it, we work to communicate through it and get back to feeling really intimate.

Other times, it feels like the person who is 'off' really needs some space to just kind of be in their feelings and stuck in their head for a day or two to process whatever they're coping with. We still do some talking with each other about it, we never fully lock the person out. But we don't always feel like that kinda off, stuck in our head, feeling is something that can be immediately resolved, sometimes it takes time to come back around, and so we try to give each other that space if that's what's needed.

When Cd is the one who is off, I do still tend to worry that it's somehow my fault. It helps a lot that we just address it directly, and really quickly. It give some less time to worry about other possibilities. Still, it doesn't always take care of my insecurities. If I feel like I need it, I will let him know that I'm struggling, but while making it clear that I know it's primarily my issue. "I know you said that you're feeling off because of [XYZ] right now, but I'm still struggling with worrying it's my fault. Can you reassure me again that it's not about me?" or similar is what I try to do. And directly asking for the reassurance we need is something we've just managed to figure out this last year or so. In the past it felt like if we ask for exactly what we need and then receive it, we'd totally dismiss t. I don't fully know how or why that doesn't seem true to us anymore. But yeah we are now able to directly address our need, ask for it, and get it - and that helps some. But also, to some degree, I try to recognize that my insecurities exist, and that while I try not to let my insecure thoughts run away with the chickens, I can't fully expect CD to be able to 'cure' my insecurities. So I try to just remind myself of my patterns. I have an insecure attachment style so it's easy for me to get anxious anytime I feel any distance from him. And just sort of remembering why I have that reaction, and that it isn't really about CD at all, somewhat helps.

But yeah, I find that it's a lot easier to come back together when we don't let the distance stay unspoken or last for as long as it used to. If you can get to where you can communicate noticing that something feels off sooner, and address any insecurities sooner, that can keep the insecurities from growing as much. At least, that's been my experience.

Hope this helps!

#asks

17 notes · View notes

schrijverr · 2 years

Text

Jealousy

A look into the mind of Steve and his thoughts on Eddie before season 4.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: insecure Steve and his issues

~~~~~~~~~

Steve wants to hate Eddie, wants to reach back to his King Steve days and pull on all the parts that make Eddie weird, a looser, different. But he can't hate Eddie for any of those things, because Eddie is like his kids and he loves his kids. He couldn't hate a thing they did. So, he has to sit with the fact that he is jealous of Eddie. Jealous because his shrimp love the guy.

And it’s so frustrating, because Steve doesn’t want to be. It’s obvious the kids have so much fun playing with Eddie and he wants them to have that. To have a place where the Upside Down can be forgotten. Where they can be kids again.

So, he’s just on his own, stewing in his feelings.

If he tells Robin, he’s sure she’ll tell him something about being scared of getting abandoned or something due to his parents. But he ignores mind!Robin and purposefully doesn’t tell her.

He is not going to care about how great Eddie’s campaign is. How well he can narrate. How cool his NPCs are. How much he they look up to him. He’s not. He refuses.

But saying and doing are different things. Very different. Steve still stews and cares so fucking deeply. Every time they come into the store, or he drives them home after a session, he listens to them gush and tries not to shrivel up.

A part of him tells him how truly pathetic it is that he’s jealous of Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson of all people. And he hates that part a little. Because yeah, it is sad that he’s jealous, but not because it’s Eddie. It would be pathetic with everyone, since he is a grown ass man, who shouldn’t be so worried about the opinion of a group of children.

However, he does care. Their opinion of him is everything to him, because they never knew King Steve. They never knew the asshole he used to be (except maybe Mike, but that’s just never going to work). They just know Steve, the babysitter and the guy they can turn to when it all goes to shit again.

He’s their protector and he likes that role. He likes feeling like they need him. Like he’s useful. Like he is worth something.

And that doesn’t make his whole crisis about Eddie less embarrassing and sad, but he doesn’t care anymore. He has become a little bit pathetic. The great Steve Harrington, womanizer and party thrower, reduced to post-high school failure and glorified nanny for a bunch of kids who don’t really need him.

The gates are closed, half their party moved to another state. He should be letting the whole Upside Down business go. He should try to move on.

But he just can’t.

His brain won’t stop fearing every shadow. At night he roams the halls of his empty home, seeing shapes in the darkness that aren’t there as he looks for cracks in a reality that should be stable. The fear that it isn’t over clings to him and until everyone can get away from Hawkins, Steve knows he has to stay even if it’s just to calm himself.

He cannot leave. He cannot move on. He cannot risk being too far away when things go wrong again. He cannot think about those kids here alone without anyone to turn to.

So, he stays and grits his teeth as he hears the name Eddie for the thousand time. It’s not that much an issue to deal with his own bullshit if it means knowing he’ll be within reach. He knows that the jealousy is better for his mental health than the uncertainty.

And when Dustin and Max come into his place of work to ‘set up base of operation’ a part of him relaxes, even though he can feel the stress grip his shoulders tightly. Because he knows he made the right decision in staying. In bearing it.

It’s all about to go to shit again and he might not walk away this time and if he does, he’ll have more to keep him up at night. But none of that matters, because the kids need him and he is there for them.

When he figures out they want to find Eddie that small petty part of him wants to tell them to go and do it themselves. However, he knows he’ll never send them into danger alone and with the looks they give him, so do they.

But he can’t really be mad about that, because if they know he’s going to help, then they still know they can count on him. He still matters to them. He’s still useful.

And that’s enough for Steve.

A/N:

I know I could make this much bigger and delve into how his feelings in regard to Eddie changes throughout the season and how he feels about his death, but I like this little look into him before the show. So, I stuck with that.

#rr writing #tw: insecurity #steve harrington #stranger things fic #stranger things #st #st season 4 #eddie munson #st the party

12 notes · View notes

wolviecat · 1 year

Text

On the way home - Wolviecat - Andor (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

Day 24 of the Febuwhump, prompt "Bloodied clothes".

“Your commuter’s ID, please.”

Cassian blinked, trying to make sense of the words through the roar of blood in his ears. The guard was standing in front of him, waiting. “What?” he finally managed to say. Not the best reaction, but he wasn't sure he would manage to keep his voice steady on anything longer.

“Your commuter’s ID, or the work license from the scrap yard.” The guard frowned, clearly frustrated with Cassian, and tapped the read-out on his scanner for emphasis: “this is a reduced-fare ticket, you need an ID.”

“O-of course, just…” he started digging through his bag, mentally cursing himself for not checking with the cashier and buying the ticket from the automated kiosk. He was just trying to limit the number of people he talked to, and who could spot the growing red stain on his stomach. Meeting with an informant went a bit south, knives came into play, and Cassian ended up with a stab wound. He bandaged it as well as he could, but it was still bleeding even now, and the fuzzy feeling in his head was telling him it got infected. He needed to get into the safe house, to a staple gun and antibiotics, as soon as possible.

“Sir…”

He tightened his fingers around the grip of his blaster. He could just shoot the guard through the bag. But then what? Put the gun to the pilot’s head and force her to take him where they are already going, taking the whole ferry hostage? Or pry the door open and jump, hoping that he wouldn’t be immediately arrested or that he wouldn’t rip his insides open and bleed out next to a savage treatment plant.

So he smiled and tried to be charming, even if he felt sick and shaky. “It looks like I forgot my ID at home. Do you think you can let it slide this time?”

The guard’s blank stare told him clearly enough his charm could not help him now. He signed, rummaging his pocket for that couple of credits he’d got left. No credit chips - while it is much easier to make up digital money, they are also much easier to track. “Okay,” he said, trying to mask his worry as annoyance: “how much…”

“No.”

Cassian could feel sweat beading on his temples. It used to work like that when Cassian was younger, and the guards only got angry when they knew you did it on purpose.

“No?”

“I cannot take money from you.” With a few taps on the keypad, he opened a blank form: “I’m going to issue you a payment slip and you will pay the difference plus processing fee at the office. ID, please.”

The picture on the card didn’t look at all like teenage Cassian - lanky hair and hopeful smile - but it looked like Torm Bellos, Correlian metallurgy engineer five standard years Cassian’s senior, and his current alter ego. He held out his arm to pass the card to the guard, but it pulled on his wound, making him hiss in pain.

“Everything’s alright, sir?”

Cassian nodded. “Yes, just…” he curled his arm around his stomach: “I’d got some sourfry at the station and it didn’t sit well with me.” He hoped that the guard would be too queasy to ask him more. He hoped that he would just believe Cassian is some new guy who doesn't know the food stand in question would be long closed down if the Public Health Office ever did its job. And he hoped that the ID would actually work. Otherwise, his career in the Rebellion could be cut short by some ISB drop-out who didn’t even carry a weapon.

The scanner beeped a few times before spitting out a strip of flimsy. The guard tore away a half of it and gave it to Cassian, stuffing the other half into the scanner’s case. “The office is right next to the landing pad.” With that, he turned away, to the next passenger.

Cassian stared after him for a second, still not completely sure what had happened and if it wasn't just a figment of his fevered mind. But the guard was still there, berating someone for eating onboard, and the flimsy strip laid curled on top of his bag.

He rested his burning brow on the window and closed his eyes. He had a half an hour before they were going to land - enough time to gather some strength to walk to the safe house.

After paying for the ticket, of course.

#Febuwhump #Febuwhump_2023 #Febuwhumpday23 #star wars #andor

1 note · View note

if-you-fan-a-fire · 3 years

Text

“While fewer people entered Toronto’s detention centres in 2020, as COVID-19 posed new risks in packed quarters, nearly one in four new admissions were homeless — the population’s largest share of the newly incarcerated since at least 2015.

Provincial data disclosed to the Star reveals that, while overall admissions to Toronto South and Toronto East dropped in 2020 for the first time in years, the number of entrants with no fixed address went from 21.9 per cent in 2019 to nearly a quarter in 2020, at 24.4 per cent.

It’s a phenomenon that advocates say shows an increase in stress and desperation among the homeless during the pandemic — and, longer-term, a lack of interventions and supports aimed at steering those who struggle with mental illness and addictions away from the justice system.

“A lot of the (homeless) folks that I know to be criminalized, again and again, have a lot of high-level barriers in terms of their mental health, substance use, things like brain injuries,” said Diana McNally of the Toronto Drop-In Network. “Those are the people I really see falling through the cracks.”

The data shows a continual worsening since 2015, when 13.4 per cent of new admissions had no fixed address — including those who may have been incarcerated repeatedly.

Homelessness and incarceration can be closely entwined, with high showings in both populations of people facing mental illness. Incarceration can also lead to a loss of social supports, which advocates say can lead to someone losing their home.

Trevor Tymchuk, a housing and justice advocate in Toronto, considers himself lucky. He was incarcerated 25 years ago after assaulting a stranger while suffering a psychotic episode. He no longer received his usual disability income while behind bars, he said, but was fortunate to have his mother pay his rent while he was away.

If someone lost their home instead, Tymchuk said it could trigger a cycle: People in precarious situations can feel forced into criminal activity to survive, then wind up back in jail.

COVID-19 has brought its own challenges. More people have turned to living outdoors — a population that a 2018 assessment showed to have the highest involvement with the justice system, with 28 per cent reporting a prison, jail or detention stay within six months.

Lois Powers, acting executive director of the John Howard Society of Toronto, said already-strained shelters and treatment centres wound up with lower capacities during the pandemic. With fewer spaces available, she said more people were likely left outside “in crisis.”

In addition, McNally said options like panhandling became tougher, which she believed may have pushed some people toward options, like selling drugs or stealing, that could more easily land them in jail.

Both she and shelter worker Tommy Taylor say tensions have run especially high in the last year — as resources and spaces have reduced, and conflicts have emerged over camps and temporary shelters. Taylor recounted a case where police were called after a homeless man became angry at not being able to sit in a Tim Hortons.

As reported by the Star, violent incidents have been increasing in shelters for years — attributed to the opioid crisis, crowding, and a shortage of adequate mental health supports.

While existing models such as supportive housing are an effort to provide stability for those with mental illness who may otherwise land in jails or shelters, nearly 2,800 people joined a wait list last year while just 185 were given spots. As of 2020, Toronto had 631 units specifically for those with mental health issues and justice system involvement, said a report by the Wellesley Institute and the Canadian Mental Health Association.

Recently, in light of growing issues around mental illness and the justice system, the city has been creating teams of mental-health experts — separate from police — to respond to people in crisis.

But Denise Campbell, who’s steering the effort, says other resources also have to catch up to make a meaningful difference. Earlier this year, a report from an Ontario services and justice committee called for more supportive housing and better case management for those with mental illness in the justice system. For Tymchuk, simply ensuring people aren’t cut off from disability supports while incarcerated would be a welcomed step.

“If nothing else, the pandemic has shown governments are able to accomplish things and accomplish things real quickly, when they actually, frankly, care enough to do it,” he said.”

- Victoria Gibson and Nadine Yousif, “Nearly one in four people sent to Toronto’s detention centres in 2020 were homeless — the worst rate seen in years.” Toronto Star, May 7, 2021.

#toronto #toronto south detention centre #toronto east detention centre #homelessness #unsheltered #criminalizing vagrancy #the vagrant as criminal #punishing the poor #policing the crisis #incarcerating the crisis #ontario prisons #crime and punishment in canada

0 notes

marvelandimagine · 3 years

Note

I think some people mad about the arm is not necessarily about the fact that Ayo disabling the arm itself, it's more of the fact that it was not necessary and the fact that Bucky had no idea they can do that. If I were to be honest, I think it was not that necessary because Ayo is well capable of taking him down without having to disarm him and she is definitely not threatened by him. I think what some people find upsetting about that scene is the fact that it kinda comes off as Ayo putting Bucky in a position where it would make him feel like he doesn't have full control of his own body after all. The Wakandans, especially Ayo, T'Challa and Shuri had every right to feel betrayed and upset but the point is they should have told Bucky about how the arm can easily be disabled like that, they didn't know Bucky was going to set Zemo free when they gave him the arm and regardless of the things they have done for him and if they were ones who gave him the arm, they should have at least told him about it, because it's connected to him, it's a part of HIS body. It doesn't matter if it was necessary to disarm him or not, the point is they should have told him about it because apart from the fact that it's his body and that it was a bit insensitive given his history, it's also a point of vulnerability, and the fact that she did it in front of Walker (and possibly Zemo) --- people who can easily turn on Bucky, could easily that to their advantage and attempt to disable it themselves. Just my thoughts on it.

Thank you for sharing your perspective, anon!

I’m going to use this long-ass reply to address this stuff with Ayo and also voice some thoughts I’ve had over the past few weeks seeing people paint Bucky into being this complete soft and harmless human that needs 25-7 protection which I don’t jive with — and this is me, a complete Bucky stan.

Many moons ago, I saw a post that compared 1940s Bucky moving with stealth and a loaded gun on the train to the Winter Soldier doing the same thing, essentially discussing the similarities and debating how much of non-brainwashed Bucky was in the Soldier. And I think the fandom forgets or chooses to neglect the following when painting him as this fragile, peace-loving guy:

Bucky was an incredibly skilled sniper in the United States Army. His job is to eliminate threats in the most efficient way possible, and he’s good at it. HYDRA gets their hands on him and + the serum, this gets magnified. It wasn’t like HYDRA turned him into someone with the ability and mental capacity to kill — that was already there. The brainwashing and torture just carved out the rest of him to leave those honed skills and an amplified ruthlessness with no moral issues, no sense of self to contend with. That ruthlessness is part of Bucky, whether people like it or not.

When Bucky is outside of HYDRA for the first time and hiding in Civil War and gets attacked, he’s so brutal in his actions that Steve Rogers, the man who literally was ready to die to save Bucky and free him when no one else believed in the good in him, intervenes because “Buck, you’re going to kill someone.” Bucky responds that he’s not going to kill anyone, but the fact remains: with or without HYDRA control, Bucky has a strong capacity for violence that hovers on brutality — again, what’s the most efficient way to eliminate or neutralize a threat? Like, I don’t want to kill you, but I’ll knock your ass out with cinder blocks to the chest.

Bucky has a good heart, he’s loyal, he’s smart, he’s caring, he’s the longest-standing POW in history and was turned into a slave for decades, put through unimaginable trauma and torture and horror with no escape. Bucky is also a strong and incredibly skilled super soldier who has a bionic arm, is a trained sniper, is unnervingly precise with knives, and self-describes himself as “semi-stable.” Zemo notes in the bar that “it didn’t take Bucky long to get back into form,” and he’s right because the ruthlessness and skill of the Winter Soldier is a part of him and always has been. We see it when he has his hand around Zemo’s neck and tells him he will kill him, when he rips the glass from his hand and throws it across the room.

And I’m sure the Wakandans know all this about Bucky, this light and his ability for hard-to-stop violence, whether from talking to Steve and Bucky or doing their own homework. And they still choose to help him out of the goodness of their hearts because he’s been put through hell and they believe they have the capacity to help him and it’s the right thing to do — they’re betting more on those positive attributes. And they put a failsafe on his arm, a literal weapon, and chose not to tell him. You know why I think that shows how much they did care about him? Because they could’ve blatantly come out and said “Hey, we don’t trust you,” and hurt him outright, but they didn’t because they’re betting on the light in Bucky to outweigh the dark or any future manipulation. That it’s a worst-case scenario function they hope to never have to use — so they’re prepared if shit hits the fan, and if it doesn’t, Bucky doesn’t have to be hurt feeling like he can’t be trusted. I see no issues here, they’re just being cautious.

Now coming to Ayo, my QUEEN Ayo. From that beautiful, beautiful opening scene, we get to see her support, her reassurance, her belief that Bucky will be able to work through this, even when he doesn’t believe it himself. She watches him fight and struggle and cry, and you can feel the hope in her and how moved she is when she gets to tell him it worked, he did it — he’s free. And she says it not once, but twice. And you can hear not just the comfort, but the PRIDE and warmth in her voice directed to him, who I’m sure she’s watched throughout the whole deprogramming process and gotten to know and is happy to see him work through the pain and come out on the other side.

And then she sees that same individual make a decision in freeing Zemo that she perceives as a “fuck you” not just to her country, but to her, someone who was charged with protecting her king. She could’ve just disarmed Bucky the second they met up, but she doesn’t. She takes the time to explain her side and her feelings, her guilt and her shame, and basically implies that she feels betrayed by Bucky because Wakanda helped him and now he’s doing something that’s hurting her country. And still, she doesn’t attack or just go get Zemo. She gives Bucky the benefit of the doubt and a whole 8-hour American workday to do what he has to do because again, she believes in the best of him. And then that time limit runs up, and he chooses to get in her way.

And that’s the final straw. She’s angry, she’s guilty, she’s frustrated, and she feels betrayed hurt by someone I think she did respect and care about, someone whom she worked with and helped and supported when he was his most vulnerable. Did she “need” to disarm the arm to fight Bucky? Probably not. But is she doing it in the heat of battle and adrenaline and a whole bucket ton of emotions, including what she sees as the White Wolf blatantly disrespecting her country and her as a person and even friend and she just says fuck it, I’m done? You hurt us and me, and I’m going to hurt you back? Oh yeah. And Bucky looks shocked, not because he’s a poor fragile baby and “oh no, my arm, how could you?? my TrAumA”, but in the dual realization of “oh shit, how’d you do that?!” and “oh shit, I think I crossed a line here.” And also, I don’t think a single person in that room would be able to recreate the disabling sequence other than Ayo — it’s way too targeted and specific for someone like Walker to pick it up in the whole three seconds it took.

People need to stop reducing characters to these black and white extremes of soft and hard, of good and bad. Doing so completely devalues and ignores the REALITY of the complexity of being human, and Bucky and Ayo are both great examples of that played by stellar actors who portray that range and depth extremely well. End of the day, my thought is that the failsafe in the arm was justified and people need to stop coming for Ayo based on this ridiculous narrative that Bucky is too traumatized and sensitive and too much of a fave to ever be challenged or he’ll explode into dust. Boy deserves a life of freedom and healing and mental health support, but he’s also still a formidable opponent with the capacity for violence and skillset to kill. People are more than one thing.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!!

#Bucky barnes #winter soldier #falcon and winter soldier #falcon and the winter solider spoilers #faws spoilers #faws #james bucky barnes #marvel #dora milaje #wakanda #Ayo #Steve Rogers #falcon and winter soldier spoilers #marvel fandom #I really went off on this one huh #fatws #fatws bucky #fatws ep 4 #fatws spoilers

2K notes · View notes

eliza1911o1 · 2 years

Text

Why, against all better reasoning, does Ed keep Izzy around? Like, just why?

So, shall we start off with why keeping Izzy Hands around isn’t a totally horrible idea? Yes, yes I think we will:

To start, Izzy really is loyal as fuck. Probably his most obvious and one of his only positive traits. He‘s truly the biggest Blackbeard fanboy on the seven seas and is willing to blindly follow him come hell or high water or whatever horrible idea Blackbeard has. He proves that, even despite all his complaining, he is always willing to support Edward; albeit only when Edward acts how he wants him to act, which we’ll get to later

Izzy is very capable. He shows that his fighting expertise, tough (and pretentious) attitude, naval knowledge, and (questionable) leadership skills all make him an incredibly useful and accomplished first mate. Although he lacks charm and isn’t really meant for a captain role, as seen by the crew’s quick resort to mutiny in ep 9, he is still incredibly good at accomplishing the tasks given to him

Izzy has history with Ed. Ed himself admits that he doesn’t have friends and we can gather that he also has no real connection to his family, if any are left. We see Ed is aching for relationships and deeply cherishes the people he holds close, even if they aren’t the best people. It seems he copes with his loneliness by assuming he doesn’t deserve companionship and so has greatly reduced his standards; I mean no person with healthy boundaries is friends with Calico Jack... What I’m saying here is that Izzy has stayed with Ed and Ed is comfortable with him, if only due to their time together. Clearly, at one point, they even shared similar interests and aspirations and got on quite well

Izzy cares for Ed. He does, in his own sick way. We see that he’s going out of his way to try and have Ed make the “right” decisions because he doesn’t want Ed to be ruined or hurt, whether out of loyalty, respect, love, or whatever tf is going on there. There’s a certain level of intimacy that comes with Blackbeard allowing someone to call him “Edward”

And if these reasons were the only factors at work, it would make sense why Ed keeps Izzy around. If anything, he’s actually a pretty great asset on paper. But only on paper. In actuality, there’s a lot more making him an irritating little ball of judgement and unhappiness that ruins lives:

Izzy is a dick. This is a vague term, but I think it just about sums him up as best as I ever could. He’s so miserable literally all the time and just takes it out on everyone. I honestly think it’s safe to say no one really likes being around him

Izzy is what is typically considered a “bad influence”. He enjoys violence, insane drinking, pillaging, stealing — really anything that hurts others and/or yourself. Activities that could possibly get you killed aren’t really great for one’s physical or mental health

Izzy is emotionally manipulative. He clearly has a lot of insecurity, regrets, repressed emotions, and really any other issue a person can have and not deal with. He sees emotions and attachments as a weakness, exhibiting a sense of toxic masculinity and ignorance about healthy relationships. I don’t think he always realizes when he’s being manipulative since there’s no distinction between good or bad actions because of his messed up priorities, but it doesn’t change the facts. He expresses his feelings through attacking others, dealing with them through intimidation or insult, degrading them until they bend to his will or put him in his place. What’s interesting too is that he almost seems to incite others into attacking, like some masochistic plea, even though he appears to have a deep need for power. Either way, it’s messed up and I don’t even know what’s happening but I do know he plays with a person’s emotions

Izzy is a toxic person and brings out the worst in others, even if he isn’t meaning to. Most of the traits on this list could be summed up under this idea or extended into like 10 different terms, but I’ll try my best to sum it up here. Because he can’t get over his own issues, Izzy ends up being blinded to what other people truly need and forces his own opinions/constructs onto others, especially when it comes to those he actually wants to help (namely, Blackbeard). Whether it be his defensiveness over Ed’s new relationships or general lack of approval towards Ed’s happiness, his life goal seems to be unconsciously making others just as unhappy as he is

Izzy’s perception of Ed is different from who Ed really is and wants to be. This idea encompasses really everything on this list but stands alone because it is a direct conflict of Izzy’s interests vs. Ed’s interests existing outside of and/or not due to a personality trait. Izzy wants Ed to stay his Blackbeard and keep him from growing into who Ed needs and wants himself to be. This is a huge reason for Ed’s emotional distress throughout the series and is the cause of quite a few points of tension in the plot, including the big ones (Ed attempting to kill Stede; the British Navy arresting Ed and Stede; Ed being convinced the Kraken is what he needs after Stede leaves)

Izzy, on paper, is a dependable first mate; past evidence proves this point. However, Ed isn’t looking for the same sort of life he’s always had, especially not the one Izzy wants for him. From a pros and cons perspective, it’s hard to argue against Izzy because most of his flaws are emotional/mental and sometimes unintentional, but they’re verrrrrry relevant when you look at the context and what Ed now requires. Ed’s struggles (and really most people are this point in their career) are entirely emotional/mental, which means Izzy both doesn’t have the skills to help him. When we take into account their closeness and extensive time spent together and the fact that Ed actually looks to Izzy for advice/approval/validation as well, he clearly is important and holds influence over Ed. Even when he knows Izzy doesn’t necessarily understand or have his best interests in mind, only what Izzy’s warped and biased view thinks is best, Ed goes along because that’s how it’s always been and he doesn’t have the confidence to think otherwise

Ed isn’t stupid. When Stede comes into his life, he’s shown a healthy relationship where he feels loved and worthy and is shown what it means when someone wants what is best for you. He takes a step back from Izzy, though not entirely because he does still value him; instead of throwing him off board, he tells him no, and tries to make things work. Until, not only does Izzy betray him, but he tries to hurt Stede and maybe Ed can forgive Izzy being an asshole to him, but he’ll never forgive anyone for hurting Stede. He chooses Stede over Izzy in ep 6 and ep 8; he doesn’t choose to live with the abuse

Then Stede leaves and all the progress he’s made comes crashing down around him like it never existed to begin with. When Stede leaves, Ed is thrown into desperation. He’s looking for safety and someone to tell him what’s right because if Stede nice kind Stede left him then something must be very wrong. And Izzy, with his smug little face, is sitting there anxiously waiting as the dust settles and Blackbeard appears again

When Ed dismisses the support of his new caring crew (group of friends) for Izzy’s, fucking Izzy’s, attempt at riling him up, it’s not because he’s gone back to Izzy or “remembers who he truly is” (as the man himself thinks) but because the crew just reminds Ed too much of him. The crew is too much like Stede and Ed is too desperate. Ed wants to just stop hurting all the time and everything Stede makes him hurt so fucking much and it’d be better to get rid of everything Stede rather than feel weak or sad or hopeful because he’s just so tired of hurting all the time

So, Ed doesn’t necessarily choose to be back with Izzy as Blackbeard, but it’s familiar, it’s what worked, it’s what was safe even if it wasn’t really what made him happy (because happiness is Stede and Stede left and took any chance of that away with him the night he left Ed alone at that beach like a goddamn idiot). Ed would rather be angry than, god forbid, feel anything more and Izzy is nothing if not good at making people upset. Izzy also reminds Ed that he was confidence once, that he didn’t need to rely on someone else to be okay. Even when now he knows what it’s like to love and be loved, he thinks going back to his old life will suddenly make it so he never knew why he left to begin with. He thinks, drawing from those memories, maybe he can let go, pretend the only emotions he’s feeling are vengeance and fury and definitely not utter despair because the love of his life walked away in the night after they both promised their hearts to each other

No, Ed did not want keep Izzy around, but Izzy was the only person who could bring Blackbeard back and Ed thinks Blackbeard is what he needs because legendary pirates don’t have hearts and if you don’t have a heart there’s nothing to break

Nothing broken

(I am very up for discussion on the whole toe-feeding-fiasco though. I’m not sure whether that was bravado (false bravado?) proving to himself/Izzy that he could be Blackbeard again, an act of anger towards returning to his old ways and Izzy who caused him to revert, an example of this darker side of Ed we haven’t yet seen (my guess), or something else entirely. It’s sort of it’s own separate thing from ridding the boat of Stede, like throwing Lucius overboard was, so… open to thoughts)

#sad #ofmd #our flag means death #blackbeard #edward teach #stede bonnet #ofmd spoilers #stedeward #blackbonnet #blackstede #gentlebeard #Izzy hands #ofmd meta #ofmd finale #izzy hands #ofmd lucius

56 notes · View notes

ryosei-hime · 2 years

Text

I mentioned this on Twitter, but Tumblr has more space for me to really expand on it, so here we go.

I don’t like when Fizz is reduced to something that Ozzie can fix. And I see this a lot which is making it harder for me to enjoy the ship. I’ve been trying to figure out why I can’t get as excited about it as other people seem to be despite really liking them together.

It’s because I don’t like this common dynamic that seems to be cropping up. It really diminishes Fizz’s character. And I’ll be honest, Fizz is far more important to me than Ozzie. I don’t know Ozzie. But I’ve been living with Fizz as a character for a while now.

So, I don’t like seeing him portrayed as a soft, fragile boi that needs Ozzie to function. And it’s not that I don’t think Ozzie is supportive or that he doesn’t need Ozzie at all. Or that he isn’t vulnerable with him sometimes. It’s not that I don’t enjoy that as a part of their relationship.

It’s the execution of it that bothers me. It often dumps nuanced character traits for easy angst.

To start, Fizz strikes me as someone who’s more emotionally intelligent than Ozzie. Ozzie’s never had to manipulate people to get what he wants in life, but I guarantee you that Fizz has. He’s probably had to be able to control himself and others to get to where he is. I feel he’s far more capable of keeping a handle on himself and his emotions than some people are giving him credit for.

And I think this advantage in emotional intelligence makes him the one really in charge of the relationship and what direction it takes beyond the physical. Even if Ozzie feels love for Fizz, I don’t think he’d know it right off the bat. Not knowing it’s what he’s feeling would make him terrible at hiding it. He wouldn’t even know to try.

I think Fizz would see it a mile off and know it long before Ozzie did. I see him as being in the position to steer the direction of the relationship as he sees fit because of this. And I like this idea because it bridges the huge gap between them in status and power and gives Fizz more autonomy in the relationship that isn’t being given to him by Ozzie willingly.

Another thing that gets me is the execution of Fizz’s mental health. I do see him as being traumatized and I do think he has issues. But, again, the execution of this is often not to my liking. Sometimes it feels downright infantalizing. I don’t see Fizz as someone who breaks down in the standard sobbing mess way.

If Fizz is someone who uses humor as a coping mechanism, he isn’t gonna just be able to turn that off when he’s breaking down or having a vulnerable moment. In fact, he’d probably do it more the more vulnerable he feels.

I say this as someone with massive trauma who uses humor as a coping mechanism. Sometimes, even when you want to, you can’t turn it off. You just make darker or more self-deprecating jokes while you’re having a breakdown. Steven Universe really got this right with Smoky Quartz!

youtube

So, even though I think it’s likely Ozzie’s seen him at his most vulnerable, his most vulnerable is likely to still involve him trying to joke his way through it. It’s a coping mechanism for a reason. You use it to cope. You need to cope when you’re vulnerable.

I just feel that Fizz is a stronger character than he’s often shown to be when people pair him with Ozzie. Just because Ozzie is a more powerful demon, it doesn’t mean that Fizz has no power or strength of his own. It doesn’t mean he becomes this soft, fragile thing that breaks under pressure. They can be strong together and apart and their relationship can be complex and nuanced for that. And that’s what I want from them as a ship.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

#Helluva Boss #Fizzmodeus #Fizzarozzi #Fizzarolli

72 notes · View notes

icedflames · 3 years

Note

Hello beautiful, can you list all the reasons why Elriel is not toxic and why it won’t be a toxic relationship. I’m tired of hearing people say that Elriel is toxic.

Alright, hang on... This is a long one.

“Azriel just wants Elain for sex.”

False. Until ACOSF, we had no indication that Azriel had sexual feelings for Elain. Based on his thoughts in the bonus chapter, his actions throughout ACOSF, we can infer that Azriel has romantic feelings for Elain. His friend.

The following scenes, read together, imply that Azriel has feelings for Elain beyond platonic or sexual feelings (I have only included my favorites for the sake of brevity):

ACOWAR

But Azriel asked softly, “What about Elain?” Something cold went through me. (Chp. 63)

From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, “I’m getting her back.” Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows. Nesta said, “Then you will die.” Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, “I’m getting her back.” (Chp. 64)

The gray light of morning had broken over the world, mist clinging to our ankles as we headed into that camp, Azriel still cradling Elain to his chest. (Chp. 65)

She let out a sob at the sight of Elain, still in Azriel’s arms. (Chp. 65)

Cassian gawked at Azriel, and I wondered how often Azriel had lent out that blade— Never, Rhys said from where he finished buckling on his own weapons against the side of the wagon. I have never once seen Azriel let another person touch that knife. (Chp. 69)

ACOFAS

Azriel strode to the lone window at the end of the room and peered into the garden below. [...] “Azriel remained at the window. [...] Azriel said, turning from the garden window at last. (Chp. 16)

Az said nothing. No, he just moved toward her. Mor tensed beside me. But Azriel only took Elain’s heavy dish of potatoes from her hands, his voice soft as night as he said, “Sit. I’ll take care of it.” (Chp. 12)

I made to move toward her, but someone beat me to it. The shadowsinger was clad in a black jacket and pants similar to Rhysand’s—the fabric immaculately tailored and built to fit his wings. He still wore his Siphons atop either hand, and shadows trailed his footsteps, curling like swirled embers, but there was little sign of the warrior otherwise. Especially as he gently said to my sister, “Happy Solstice.” (Chp. 19)

Azriel mastered himself enough to say, “Thank you.” I’d never seen his hazel eyes so bright, the hues of green amid the brown and gray like veins of emerald. “This will be invaluable.” (Chp. 20)

ACOSF

“Because of the shit with Elain?” Azriel stilled. “What happened to Elain?”

Cassian waved a hand. “A fight with Nesta. Don’t bring it up,” he warned when Azriel’s eyes darkened. Cassian blew out a breath. “I take that as a no regarding the meeting topic, then.” [...] Cassian surveyed the shadows gathered around Az. “You all right?” His brother nodded. “Fine.” But shadows still swarmed him. (Chp. 20)

Azriel stiffened. “I know. I helped rescue Elain, after all.” Az hadn’t so much as hesitated before going into the heart of Hybern’s war-camp.” (Chp. 22)

He was still happy to be Mor’s buffer with Azriel, but there’d been a change lately. In both of them. Mor no longer sat beside Cassian, draped herself over him, and Azriel … those longing glances toward her had become few and far between. As if he’d given up. After five hundred years, he’d somehow given up. Cassian couldn’t think why. (Chp. 22)

“No. But we need to summon Lucien,” Azriel said, just a shade tightly, as if he didn’t like it one bit. (Chp. 31)

Elain just linked her arm through Nesta’s and led her toward the family room, where Azriel stood in the doorway, monitoring them. As if he’d heard Elain’s sharp laugh and wondered what had caused it. (Chp. 58)

I also want to add... That the notion that Azriel only has sexual feelings is immediately disproven by a close reading of the bonus chapter:

Rhys bared his teeth. "So you will leave Elain alone. If you need to fuck someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her."

Azriel snarled softly.

Azriel snarled in response to Rhys’ suggestion that his feelings are only sexual. The entire scene was Rhys not understanding that Azriel actually had feelings for Elain. Rhys even suggested that Azriel still had feelings for Mor when Cassian had noted that Azriel no longer pined for Mor.

To add, Azriel is not going antagonize Rhys and potentially kick off a feud between courts if he only wanted Elain for sex.

ALSO!!!!

AZRIEL IS NOT GOING TO DECLARE HIS LOVE FOR ELAIN IN A BONUS CHAPTER. NO AUTHOR WILL EVER GIVE AWAY A MAJOR PLOT POINT/TWIST IN A BONUS CHAPTER. THAT WILL BE IMPORTANT AND WILL BE SAID IN THE NEXT BOOK!

Cassian never admitting his feelings for Nesta in Wings and Embers. Hell, Nesta kicked him in the balls. But we don’t doubt Nessian, now do we?

I answered another anon here comparing Wings and Embers to Azriel’s bonus chapter, comparing the themes and overall feel.

“Azriel feels entitled to Elain as the third sister.”

False. Azriel began to show interest in Elain prior to Nesta and Cassian getting together. Please see the quotes above if you don’t believe me. Also, please see my post on the progression of their relationship here.

Azriel is the first person to figure out what Elain’s powers were. He pulled her from her trance. Immediately after the seer reveal, we start to see Elain revert back to normal.

Azriel is the one who defends Elain against scrying, a very dangerous thing in ACOTAR may I remind you, when she is not there to defend herself.

Azriel is the one who would sit with Elain outside in the gardens.

Azriel lent Elain his most prized possession to keep her safe during the war.

“Azriel coddles her.”

False. Azriel gave Elain truth teller to defend herself. I’d hardly call that coddling.

Let’s take a look at that scene that misguidedly causes people to think that Azriel “coddles” Elain.

Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, “There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

“But Nesta should?” Cassian growled.

Is Cassian coddling Nesta? No. They both have the same reaction.

The coddling Elain experiences is from the Inner Circle constantly thinking she’s meek and reduces her to a simple girl who likes to garden.

“It doesn’t matter what I think. Go back to Feyre and your little garden.”

and then when Nesta refuses to let Elain scry for the trove:

“Why?” Elain demanded. “Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” When Nesta flinched, Elain said, “You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.”

Very different scenarios. It’s one thing to be protective (one of SJM’s favorite trope for romantic love interests). It’s another to belittle a person and then not let them grow. That is what Elain is referring to. That is the coddling she cannot stand.

“Azriel is too messed up mentally to be with anybody.”

False. This is demonstrably false. It is fanon. When this argument is used, it’s used to discredit Elain as a love interest and prop Gwyn up. If Azriel is too messed up to be with Elain, he’s too messed up to be with anybody. Period.

Nesta parallels Azriel in a lot of ways. And everybody loves Nesta and Cassian’s relationship now. Azriel does not have any of the mental illnesses the WebMD doctors come up with every other day. At the most, he has issues with his self worth and possible depression. At the most.

Saying that a character cannot be in a romantic relationship due to his mental health directly implies that individuals who are suffering with mental health issues cannot get into romantic relationships. That’s wrong and that’s mean.

In Conclusion

Elain and Azriel went from being strangers, to friends, to now possible lovers in a span of two years.

Their relationship is the most realistic one SJM has written. Nothing about them is toxic. They are kind and considerate of one another. Their feelings have slowly progressed and there are barriers to their relationship (namely, Elain’s mating bond to Lucien).

There is a difference between not liking Elain and Azriel together (an opinion) and saying Elain and Azriel are toxic together (a falsehood).

#asks #elriel #pro elriel #elain #azriel #mine

230 notes · View notes

peppermintbee · 3 years

Text

OMORI’s poor writing (Part 2)

Once again, if you are a big fan of OMORI, this review is not for you. Treasure this game, love it, recommend it, make fan art, buy the merch, do what you will with it. I am not here to take OMORI away from anyone. Based on the overwhelmingly positive reviews on Steam, I know that my opinion is in the minority.

However, just as the fans have the right to praise the game, I have the right to examine it, criticize it, and explain why it failed to provide a compelling experience. This is second part of my review where I will tackle OMORI’s problematic themes and disrespectful appropriation of mental health.

[ See Part 1: Plot Writing Lies ]

(Note: I use “OMORI” in all-caps for the game title, and “Omori” in title case for the character name.)

Spoilers and criticism below.

Part 2: OMORI’s message is mishandled and distasteful

OMORI provides a warning that it depicts scenes of depression, anxiety, and suicide. Because the game includes these scenes, I assumed these mental health issues are presented in a way that is meaningful and respectful.

However, that is not the case.

Despite having depictions of such, this game is not really about depression, anxiety, or even suicide. It’s about committing a horrible crime, lying about it, and getting over the guilt.

1. Suicide as a game mechanic

Suicidal thoughts are intrusive, terrifying, and painful. As well as ending the victim's life, suicide wreaks havoc on the lives of those who once knew them. It is often a taboo topic, but discussing such matters is an important step to understanding and preventing it. Video games are a medium well suited to approaching such dark topics.

Unfortunately, OMORI does not handle the topic of suicide well at all.

First, suicide is written as a unavoidable game mechanic that seems to have been included for shallow reasons such as aesthetic and shock value. To leave Sunny’s headspace and wake up, you--as a player--must direct him to stab himself in the stomach.

But why? It’s not like waking up involves some sort of major sacrifice. In fact, waking up is something that is more or less unavoidable. Reality should be something that snatches Sunny away from his headspace against his will, perhaps as an encroaching darkness that Sunny can run from, but never truly escape. But instead, facing reality is something you are forced to opt into in the most needlessly violent way possible.

Forcing you--as a player--to literally commit suicide just to wake up from a dream is a pointless, distasteful, and disrespectful action that sets a precedent for suicide not being taken seriously in this game. (And it isn’t.)

In the black space, Omori is pressured to kill a cat. In that scene, regardless of your choice, you are forced to kill yourself. However, the act of stabbing yourself has been seen so many times at that point that it has completely lost any impact. Who cares about suicide when it’s been reduced to just a means of travel?

Lastly, if you fail to defeat the final boss, Sunny commits suicide in the real world. However, this is not a cutscene, it is once again something that you--as a player--are forced to do to progress. Putting these actions in the hands of a player is not as meaningful as the writer seems to believe, because there are no other options to progress. Any weight in making that decision is lost to resignation; a frustrated sigh of “Well, okay, fine. I guess I have to click Z here.” You are then rewarded with a SLAPPING pop song and a psychedelic cutscene of Sunny falling to his death. It’s tasteless to its core and appropriates the deaths of every suicidal person as a quirky, shallow “bad end.”

(Seriously, this is how the writer decided to depict a child taking his own life.)

youtube

2. Sunny/Omori is a poor presentation of depression

Sunny/Omori does not smile. Even in past photographs before The Incident, he still is not smiling. The contrast between Sunny and his friends stands out like a sore thumb, so I assumed this was the writer’s attempt to show that Sunny is dealing with depression, where he can’t be happy even in happy situations.

Of course, if that were the case it would be inaccurate since depressed people do smile and do hide their true feelings. They are often dismissed with, “You can’t be depressed, I saw you smiling once.” However, I was willing to let Sunny’s chronic frown slide because sometimes you have to oversimplify an idea to get your point across.

Much to my surprise, there is NO evidence of Sunny having depression before The Incident and there is very little indication of him having depression throughout the game either. The evidence of this is that while looking at a family portrait, Sunny comments that he's never liked to smile. Since he's a a baby in this portrait, this goes to show that his not smiling is simply a preference -- a quirky character trait that makes him stand out so that you feel an emotion during the true ending when he finally smiles.

Everything in the game seems to point to him being pretty happy and well adjusted up until he killed Mari. Then, even after he killed Mari, he pretty much looks and behaves the same way. Wouldn’t it be more jarring and tragic if you saw Sunny was happy in the past, but depressed now?

Which leads me to my next point...

3. Sunny and Basil are not depressed, they’re guilty (and for good reason)

In the book I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t), Brené Brown explains the difference between feeling guilt and shame.

Guilt means: “I did something bad.” Shame means: “I am something bad.”

Guilt, when attributed to bad behavior, is actually a healthy emotion. It means that you have a sense of right and wrong, that you empathize with those you’ve hurt, and it motivates you to make things right.

Shame is an unhealthy emotion. It arrests growth, destroys self-esteem, causes poor decision making, isolates you from your loved ones, and is directly correlated with anxiety and depression.

OMORI should be a game about overcoming shame. All the right set pieces are there. Sunny’s walled himself off, his sister (allegedly) committed suicide, and he seems to be struggling with lifelong depression. However, this all falls apart, when it’s revealed that he killed his sister and staged her death as a suicide to escape blame (with Basil’s help). He DID do something bad. It’s not shame, it’s literally guilt.

All at once, OMORI stops being a game about recovering from grief and depression and becomes a game that demands the player to sympathize with a killer and liar who is hiding from his crimes. Because he and Basil feel bad about what they did, Sunny and Basil are presented as greater victims than their actual victim.

4. OMORI asks you empathize with villains (with ZERO self awareness)

Games where you are playing a character with a guilty conscience has been told before, but where OMORI really fails is that Sunny is not truly held accountable for what he did to others. Instead, the game focuses on HIS pain: since killing his sister he’s been isolated, he’s having nightmares, and he’s suicidal.

The plot of the game is focused on helping Sunny forgive himself for ruining other people’s lives. The writing barely acknowledges how his friends/family feel about what he did. When his victims’ pain IS addressed, it’s either used to further victimize Sunny (ie: isn’t it sad for him that he made his friends so sad?) or it’s used to reassure the player that Sunny’s victims have forgiven him (or will forgive him).

In fact, the game holds Mari responsible for her own death, citing that her "perfectionism" must have been what pushed Sunny to attack her. OMORI presents Mari, through headspace, as someone who accepted death gracefully and wants Sunny to live a happy life. She is never given her own voice and nothing in the game suggests she is capable of feeling bitter over her death and postmortem desecration. She plays the role of the Madonna archetype--and the perfect victim--allowing the player to empathize entirely with Sunny while accepting that Mari brought everything on herself.

[Mari suggesting that Sunny acting out his aggression on her was her fault.]

The climax of this game is NOT Sunny telling the truth to his friends. The climax is Sunny defeating his guilt and forgiving himself. We know this because the story does not even show how his friends respond to his confession, because-- once again-- what’s most important thing is resolving Sunny’s pain, not the pain he has caused others. (Though the game does heavily imply that his friends will forgive him.)

[Pictured: the boys shedding their guilt is the true happy ending ]

Imagine, for a moment, if this game was about an abuser, who caused immense pain to someone and got away with it. Then, the whole game was about how they felt bad for the abuse they caused, and-- as a player-- you help them forgive THEMSELF for their past abuse. Then, in the last few seconds of the game, they either apologize to their victim or kill themself. The victim’s response is not shown because it is not important.

This is the plot of OMORI, except with a bunch of excuses thrown on top to make it more palatable. Sunny and Basil are just soooo cute and sad. Killing Mari was an accident. Stringing her body up like a piñata was a juvenile mistake. The boys feel SO BAD that they want to kill themselves. And because suicide is so tragic, you-- as an audience-- are manipulated into empathizing them.

5. In OMORI, suicide is used as a cheap ploy for sympathy

As I mentioned before, suicide is horrible and tragic. People struggling with suicidal ideation need help, support, and respect. That said, let’s make one thing clear: being suicidal does not automatically make someone a good person. There are plenty of examples of criminals who kill themselves to escape the penalty or guilt for something they did. It is so common in the news that I don’t think I have to list out examples.

In bad endings, Sunny and Basil’s suicides are 100% motivated by guilt for their very real crimes. Now, it should be stated, Sunny and Basil do not deserve to die. And because suicide is such an extreme, permanent end for those two boys, we-- as players-- are invested in preventing that tragic end at all costs.

However, the looming threat of suicide is used as leverage to force the audience to dismiss the severity of what Sunny and Basil did. As I’ve said before, the plot of the game is about soothing and alleviating Sunny’s guilt and stopping him from killing himself as opposed to making things right.

The worst thing is, this tactic actually works. The threat of suicide is so strong, it has distracted many players from the truth that this story is about sympathizing with a boy who has killed his sister, with little regard for those his actions have affected (see point #4).

It’s terrible because suicide is such a serious topic worthy of discussion, but when used as little more than pity-bait, it twists your perception of what the characters did and silences those who try to criticize how this game handles such topics.

6. Mari's suicide being fake is a terrible twist

Lastly, by revealing Mari’s “suicide” as an accidental death, OMORI misses an opportunity to tell a much more powerful story. In the first half of this game, when Mari is thought to have committed suicide at the young age of 15, is a sobering moment. That tragedy is something very real.

If Mari had killed herself as opposed to being killed, Sunny isolating himself after his sister takes her own life is realistic. Mari’s death coming as a surprise is also realistic; how often have we heard people saying that they never knew someone was suffering? That they seemed like such a happy person?

Losing a loved one to suicide does not just cause horrible grief, but crippling shame as well. Those left behind will blame themselves, tormented by thoughts of how they could have saved them, how they would do anything to get them back. That shame can follow you forever, haunting you like a ghost, threatening you with the same fate. Overcoming that grief and shame is no simple task, and I truly thought OMORI was going to be about grappling with grief and letting go of survivor guilt.

Instead, Mari didn’t commit suicide, her life was cut short by her brother. Then, her body was staged as a suicide, forever changing how her family and friends perceived her. Her hanging body did not represent a devastating loss of life and horror of teen depression, but instead is a cheap twist that represents Sunny’s guilt for killing her and tampering with her corpse.

Conclusion:

As I’ve mentioned before OMORI has a lot of potential. The set pieces of a depressed kid who escapes to a dream world to cope with his unresolved trauma is one that had the makings to be very meaningful. However, it fumbles these issues, creating a sloppy plot that results in a problematic message. It’s baffling that this even happened, especially considering the length of time this was in development.

#omori #omori hate #review #words #the more I analyze it the worse this game gets #suicide cw #omori spoilers

180 notes · View notes

normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

Note

I would have loved to see more interactions with the seelies- people who can’t lie but are crafty and secretive sounds fascinating. Think of the dialog! Alec going to magnus for advice since he has centuries of experience talking to them, Alec playing mental chess while trying to maintain peace. Would have loved getting more- but let’s be real, Cassaundra and the show writers weren’t clever enough to actually make any conversations like that of value.

SAME!!!!! honestly i would have loved to see so much more of the seelies. like bro do you understand that their culture predates the VERY EXISTENCE OF HUMANITY??? they are the ONLY kind of downworlders whose culture is completely detached from any human culture, not only because of predating it, but also because of the relative isolationism - which means human culture barely had any influence on their culture and history AS it developed

so like you can literally go fucking bonkers??????????? you can make ANYTHING. they have a whole ass society that doesn't have to have ANY ties to mundane concepts or history AT ALL. complete creative freedom. you could do ANYTHING! and don't get me started on the potential this has, within storytelling, to contextualize a lot of stuff modern western culture sees as natural or timeless as actually pretty fucking specific - like monogamy, cisheteropatriarchy, the gender binary, racism. all immortals have that potential of course since they can come from an array of different cultural and historical backgrounds but seelies in particular have SO much potential that is NEVER! FUCKING! USED! it all goes to waste and they are just a generic vaguely monarchic society that behaves literally exactly as modern western cultural standards. WHY. i'll never stop being salty, especially within sh where all this potential was there and instead they just villainized the seelies like no tomorrow for nO FUCKING REASON, and included a whole plotline about their ruler being a terrible power-hungry person and then proceeded to act as if that would have no influence on the seelies under her rule? thanks for nothing

like i know the seelie queen was so badly written that her own motivations even as a power-hungry wacko didn't make sense or were consistent (like why give simon the mark of cain for example, and for god's sake what kind of power-hungry crazy bitch gives their main enemy the power to literally kill her and destroy everything she has at the blink of an eye, like??? she literally tried to assist in her own genocide, it makes no fucking sense, i fucking hate it here) but if they are going to make her Terrible the least they could do was show how that impacted the people under her rule, especially if they are going to have meliorn be fucking tortured and either forced to display the marks of said torture or choosing to display them themself, like? please give your plotlines one singular thought

but of course it's easier to villainize seelies and reduce them to their obviously tyrannical ruler so they can go back to focusing on the shadowhunters and their issues. nevermind the fact that seelies are obviously equivalent to native ppls/third world countries resisting colonialism/imperialism in sh's stupid ass racial metaphor, which makes making their ruler a big bad unequivocally evil villain that is ruining everything A Choice. and a particularly choicy Choice considering they cast a middle-eastern man to play the most important seelie character. but if they are going to do that they could at least address how the people under her rule suffer and how that's a direct consequence of shadowhunter colonialism and interference, but why would we fkcnig thdo that!!!! when we can have love triangle drama or whatever

and tHEN there is the whole aspect of being unable to lie which is bound to have such an impact on their culture and history since they have to rely on other forms of communication to protect themselves - and considering the whole "tyrannical rule" plotline, to further the queen's agenda in the first place. and how telling the truth without preamble would probably be considered a huge display of trust in a society that has culturally developed so many ways of talking around things. like again the potential of the cultural and historic background for that society! it makes me go insane!!!

anyway all of that to say #JusticeForSeelies and #SeeliePlotlinesNow 2021 and forever. and YES i would have loved to see more interactions between them and other characters, particularly magnus because 1- admittedly i'm a hoe; and 2- magnus was clearly the one that had the most experience talking to seelies and that others relied on for that communication. he also seemed to be the most comfortable with them, which indicates there is either some sort of history there, or magnus just happens to feel relatively at home with the workings of their culture. which makes sense, because magnus also had to develop pretty similar defense mechanisms due to his, A- work as a warlock representative who has to interact with shadowhunters on the regular; B- history with having to deal with asmodeus, which required him to be very smart about what he disclosed and how, especially considering that he had to have been planning banishing asmodeus for a long time before he got to do it; and C- just history with abuse in general. we've seen the way he closed his heart off to new people; but at the same time, magnus is obviously an extrovert and likes to be around people in general. this meant that, in order to be able to both be in the kind of environment where he thrives and protect himself/his heart/his feelings, he had to learn how to interact with people while putting on a convincing façade, which requires pretty much the same sorts of wordplay and defense mechanisms that seelies use

magnus is good at wordplay, he's good at using talking to his benefit; we've seen that. he is also good at hiding and deflecting. he is notably not good at directly lying - every time he directly said A Lie such as "i am perfectly fine and not bothered by this at all :)" it was way less convincing than it was a clear display that he wouldn't budge. even alec, who has difficulty with social cues, noticed the lying and seemed concerned about it. so like. clearly his defense mechanisms were less lying and more dancing around subjects, directing conversation to safe topics, and guiding people to making certain assumptions and seeing sides of his that were safer and he preferred

so in that way it makes sense that magnus is somewhat in his element when dealing with seelies. i think "comfortable" is a strong word because this whole song and dance takes a huge toll on anyone's mental health and energy (which i think is something that could be very interestingly explored in seelies, their collective psyche, and their culture, the way they build relationships, etc. let meliorn have partners they feel 100% comfortable talking without preamble with 2k21), but it's something he is used to and a dynamic he can fall into without as much effort as others who would be second guessing themselves more and going slower, which clearly gives the seelies, who are used to it, an advantage

and like i know that i'm implying a confrontation or sort of situation where they are on opposing sides to seelies here, which i kind of am because i am thinking mostly about magnus' interactions with the seelie queen specifically, since she was the seelie he had the most meaningful interactions with. his interactions with meliorn were very few and almost never relevant, i barely remember them happening outside of generic downworld cabinet interactions tbh. but i don't just mean that because again, stop villainizing seelies 2k21

i also mean just generally that magnus would be in a more comfortable position talking to seelie strangers and slowly working into building a relationship and mutual trust. and just generally understanding them and the workings of their culture because he can empathize with the way they have built their social defense mechanisms. no one is 100% truthful to strangers, but seelies always seem kind of- analytical. and the cultural difference + anti-seelie racism makes them seem untrustworthy to most people, but magnus Gets It, so the potential for friendships! and the mutual understanding and the relative comfort around each other! and both parts understanding the enormity that is letting their walls down gradually and being more direct as time goes by. like.... aaaaaa

and yes magnus becomes a sort of reference on talking to seelies, mostly because he is good at "playing their game", but also making it a point to humanize seelies and making the other parts understand where they are coming from and how they feel :) and just improving their relations, particularly with other downworlders

im not going to get into alec because 1- the relationship between shadowhunters and seelies is already filled with oppression and a lot of complications, and particularly now that the seelie realm is politically fragile due to the loss of their ruler (however terrible she might have been), it would play into either white savior narratives or just straight up colonialism, especially given how alec as a leader already has a history of trying to build tutelage over downworlders (i don't care what his intentions were, it's still true, and although he's learning... well. he's learning, continuous action); 2- that would be more a relationship of opposition and i'm not that interested in that. but i would love to see seelies rebuilding themselves and their relationships and alliances with other downworlders particularly, and all the better if magnus is playing a part in that :)

in short:

more seelies

more magnus with seelies, especially friendships

more focus on the politics of seelies now that the seelie queen is gone

more seelies

#sh #shadowhunters #lore #magnus bane #meliorn #seelies #the seelie queen #seelie culture #seelie history #meta #magnus bane meta #meliorn meta #in a way #ask #anonymous #long post #salt #a bit #ok maybe a lot but mostly to add flavor to my lore ramblings

37 notes · View notes

p5-6blog · 2 years

Text

P5 The Blog Post

How did IT and Technology affected us on individuals

Advantage - Education

IT and Technology had a great impact on education:

IT & Technology helps a student research for subjects on the Internet, everything is on there.

IT & Technology helps a student learning skills and share ideas between him and other people on the internet, it helps him work in a collaborative manner.

Disadvantage - Education

IT and Technology had also a negative impact on education:

IT & Technology could be a bad impact for a student because he could isolate himself from teachers.

IT & Technology could be a bad impact for a student because it could result deteriorating the student competences of reading and writing.

Advantage - Social Media

Technology allow a person to engage social media on smartphones and computers.

Social Media allow a person to communicate with other people on social media over a big distance like with family or friends he met online.

Disadvantage - Social Media

Technology had also a negative impact by creating social media, there were discovered an increase risk of depression, anxiety, loneliness, self-harm and even the worst which is suicidal thoughts.

Advantage - Gaming

As technology has advanced, the gaming provides a person with more visual stimulus, creativity, and satisfaction,

Technology together with software were built to enable better game playing.

Technology allows gaming to be free for a student if he is using a cloud-system based.

Disadvantage - Gaming

Technology has its own negative impact on gaming because a person can get addicted to it, reduce his own motivation, relationship issues and poor mental health.

There are more negative impact such as repetitive stress and health risks, exposure to toxic environments as well.

How did IT and Technology affected Relationships and Entertainment

Advantage - Relationships

Technology changed us a lot as it has advanced, you can tell because even researchers showed that it changed the way you are talking to your loved ones, to your friends and even to other people in overall. The Technology helps people to grow their relationships status for long time, helping them if they are currently far away from each other and helps them not fear of what happens to their loved person.

Helps people stay in touch over a long distance between them

Helps family members close over hobbies and shared interests

Strengthen the communication between each other

Disadvantage - Relationships

Technology has as well its bad parts, the high levels of technology used has made people to spend less time as a couple, less satisfaction and emotionally connection between them and also high levels of depression and anxiety.

Depression and anxiety

Broken relationships and dissatisfaction

Not sharing the right time together.

Advantage - Entertainment

Entertainment has changed a lot over the past years. The music we used to play it on disco disks now is more accessible than ever, your home TV’s are able to play anything you want. The technology changed the way people enjoy their time.

Lots of shows and movies

More ways of entertaining yourself and family

Disadvantage - Entertainment

Entertainment is coming with a negative way of how the people evolved, there are lots of crime and terrorism going on, digital media manipulation and piracy which is now taken to the highest level.

Digital Media Manipulation

Crime and Terrorism

Job Insecurity

Piracy

The effect of technology on Employment

People Unemployed; Robots replacing humans in the workplaces; Changes to Jobs

Technology helped increasing the productivity and reducing the burden on workers, for this fact the workers now have to learn skills to be employed and also they are provided with training in their workplaces.

Advantage and Disadvantage of Technology on Employment in the Workplace

Everywhere in the world Technology is being used in these times we are living, they got the purpose to make the work easier. To work now without technology is close to impossible, because of the workload which has been increased you now need the advanced technology to be able to work it out.

The work is now increasing with a great efficiency, is now done in coordination, and with an unimaginable pace. The softwares which technology has are like god to man, they do almost all the work for the man, the machines can stop at any time. The stress on the employees is now at a low level as the technology helped, they got now to pay attention to the important aspects on the company that can help it grow.

Of course there are plenty of advantages of technology but let's talk about the disadvantage it provides, we can start to say that it makes the person lazy, because is so helpful and it seems to do 70% of the job you are suppose to do, the person is now thinking that everything will be fine and perfect. Furthermore, there are fewer employment opportunities out there, because the work is now done with machines and robots there is no need left for the human to work on. As a last negative impact I can tell is that the human talent is getting lost, for example if a person depends on the technology at work, he or she becomes dependent on it fully, without realizing that time never waits for anyone; The manual work is much appreciated but it requires hard work.

The effect of technology on Communities

Technology has affected the community of people on their skills, such as how they learn, think and communicate. People are made learning more competitive, people are now more creative and are getting new ideas that they wouldn’t think before, with the advancement of social media also improved the communication skills of the person.

High street shopping; Social media groups; Local events

Advantage of High street shopping

Technology has created a huge increase on the high street shopping as the Online shopping and eCommerce has become so popular worldwide and effective for sales, although small business were so underrated back there, most of their owners thought they are gonna get bankrupt but the Technology changed that.

Good footfall to be expected

Delivery done by the shop and fast as well

Disadvantage of High street shopping

The disadvantage of shopping in person is that you lose time due to lots of people doing their shopping, the products that are on the website could not be in the store they must be having it somewhere else, the product price could be higher in the shop than on the website.

Losing time

Losing money due to expensive in shop than online (sometimes)

Lots of people

Advantage of Social Media Groups

It can help you with your business, you can build up communities and relationships to get to an upper level with your business. The groups provides a space for people with similar interests to connect and have important conversations.

Similar interests

Building up communities and relationships

Raising your brand

Disadvantage of Social Media Groups

Due to social media groups it can increase a huge amount of laziness, emotional connection, you can get so lonely but you will realise it later. It can get you from up to the bottom.

Laziness

Decreasing emotional connection

End up wasting time and could lead to destroy your life.

The effect of Technology on Legal and Ethical Issues

Criminal activities; Safety online

As Technology advanced over the years, on the Internet happened lots of stuff, lots of people with different ideology who think they must do as they want for everyone. There is happening lots of criminal activities against other people on the internet which became hard to track the criminals and stop them for good.

Safety online is about to protect yourself for hackers and other suspicious things, this is mostly for young kids who must be protected online and not corrupted by people who are not doing so much good on the online, they must be protected to live their childhood and prevent having issues because of the online.

3 notes

3 notes · View notes