amysubmits

[amysubmits]

u guys are soo obsessed with me (0 notes)

#“doms” on tumblr be like

[amysubmits]

I’m sorry the people around you think you’re weak for crying. Bodies are designed to release stress through tears. The fact that so many were taught to suppress their body’s functioning isn’t on you.

Be brave.

Rebel.

Cry.

[amysubmits]

#well that's not a lady at all

[amysubmits]

MY HEART

[amysubmits]

That's my workaround too, basically! I have a reminder on my alexa speaker set to the same time everyday to remind me to use the documents and other tools I utilize. You can even set it to remind you again at set frequencies until you respond saying you completed the thing.

What frustrates me with being an "out of sight, out of mind" person is that people tend to love suggesting notepads, diaries, apps, lists, anything that you can write reminders in. But my kind of "out of sight, out of mind" extends to that as well. Truly. If it is not in my sight, it is not in my mind. And you know what happens when you close a book or an app? It is not longer in sight.

[amysubmits]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[amysubmits]

D/s reboot

Xander and I are finally bringing our D/s dynamic back to the surface, after it's been underground for several years.

It's only been a few days, but oh, the difference it makes! I feel like I can breathe again! I'm more relaxed than I have been in ages, I'm smiling at random people, and yeah, I've really got the hots for him.

And, seeing how our conversations about it are so different now than even the last time we tried, it was totally worth the wait. I have a bunch of thoughts around neurodivergence, low-key and low-protocol D/s, trust, love, and getting things wrong that I hope to post in the days and weeks to come.

For now, I’m just happy, and I’m glad for especially @amysubmits and @cynicaldom's writing, because they helped me realise and then communicate to Xander in a way that made sense to him what I actually need from him… and it looks like he seems happy to give me that.

#so happy for you! #And you're too sweet to give us a little credit #can't wait to read about your thoughts on the other topics you mentioned!

[amysubmits]

As a sub and a lifelong people pleaser who is in therapy trying to heal from people pleasing/fawning...I say this with lots of compassion and understanding.

But being unable or unwilling to know and communicate your limits and to safeword when needed doesn't just make you at risk of 'the bad people' dom/mes out there. It can also result in harm being done by well-intended dominants who just assume that you'd use your safeword as needed or state your limits as needed, etc.

I agree that a good dom would never cross a hard limit even if given 'permission' to. Good doms make themselves more responsible than they really should have to be. But good subs shouldn't take advantage of that and should do their very best to own the responsibility of expressing their limits.

I am literally begging you to have limits. You can be depraved and kinky and all that, but please let yourself have limits, for your own wellbeing and health. There is not a single person alive that is okay with everything that could possibly be thrown at them. I say this especially for younger people, like freshly 18 year olds. Yes, you're an adult, you are allowed to engage in kink, but that doesn't mean that you won't be taken advantage of because of your inexperience. There are predatory people out here who jump on young people who don't know any better and don't know how to stand up for their boundaries. Please take care of yourself

#d/s #limits #new to d/s #subs have responsibility too

[amysubmits]

[amysubmits]

Hi there, hope you are well. Realistically speaking, how can I get over the fantasy or rather my "unrealistic" desire of how I want my first time having sex to be? Nobody forgets their first time, but I can't help but want to it be a certain way that I know isnt exactly attainable. I want it to be romantic and sensual and very very intimate, in other words for it to be really love making instead of just getting it done with. I am mid twenties so I am pretty young and obviously inexperienced so I am not sure if it isnt right of me to want that cause its not really how the real deal is or if its just me being nieve to want something so unrealistic..

Hi! I am doing pretty well, thank you!

I don't think having a desire for something specific is ever bad or wrong. But, I can understand why you may find yourself wanting to double check that your expectations are reasonable so that you don't end up setting yourself up to be let down.

I think it's really reasonable to aim for romantic, sensual and intimate. I think your best bet for making that happen would be to talk to your partner in depth about what those three things mean to you or how to create those feelings for you. Because what feels romantic to one person might not feel romantic to you, and vise-versa. This is just me, but something that came to my mind with those words was massage. If massage helps you to feel intimate and sensual then perhaps specifically discussing starting out with a slow moving, quiet massage might be a plan you could make that would nearly guarantee that you'd at least tick off the 'sensual' goal if nothing else. Perhaps you can come up with other specific things to include that you know have a really high likelihood of making you feel intimate and romantic. In my mind, where you need to leave a lot of space for flexibility is in the actual sex part of it. Bodies are finicky especially when our emotions run high and it's natural to be nervous your first time, or your first time with a new person, or you're with someone who you know its their first time - and sometimes anxiety makes it hard to relax and that can make our bodies not respond to sex as positively as it would if we were able to relax more. The first few times I attempted to have PIV sex it wasn't possible (vaginismus). For other people they might be able to experience penetration but it might not feel good, or the guy might struggle with getting or sustaining an erection. Any series of things could 'go wrong' and so I'd try to go into it just planning to make an attempt and learn about your body and your partners body. I would try not to go into it hoping to have amazing sex that makes you both cry and orgasm together, or something like that. Because while that might sound really romantic, it's sometimes really hard to make our bodies react the way we'd like them to. So try to leave lots of space for how that part of it might go. But a mood of romance, sensuality and intimacy should be able to be achieved regardless of whether your body parts respond as you're hoping they will. So I'd try to focus on that rather than the exact details of how he sex will go. Maybe also ask yourself if there are needs you have based on fears. I easily could be reading way too much into what you wrote, but with you saying what you said about 'just getting it over with' I wonder if you have specific fears about sex not lasting very long, and/or about feeling used or something along those lines. And if you can pinpoint what your fears are, you can communicate those with your partner and see if you can come up with ways to buffer against those. Maybe discuss cuddling after the sex, for example, if that might make you feel like it was less of a 'just getting it over with' kind of experience. It's cliche, but communication is often really key to working things like this out. Try to communicate your needs and wishes as clearly as possible and with the right partner you'll get pretty far together by doing that. :)

#asks

[amysubmits]

Your parents are not "narcissists". They're typical authoritarian assholes who treat you like their property because society allows them to.

Your ex boyfriend is not a "narcissist". He's a typical misogynistic douchebag who treats women like shit because society allows him to.

Your boss is not a "narcissist". They're a typical classist dipshit who thinks workers' entire purpose in life is to generate profit because society allows them to.

And even if they happen to be a "narcissist", that's not what gave them the power to get away with abuse.

So stop blaming mental illness and start blaming society's normalization of abuse. Stop acting like someone has to have a mental illness in order to do something cruel when ordinary people have been doing atrocious things since forever.

[amysubmits]

This music video showed up on my recommended page of youtube earlier this week and I was thinking it (especially the gender-expansive aspects of it) are super progressive for country music today...and then I scrolled the comments and learned that Willie released this song on an album back in 2006.

ORVILLE PECK & WILLIE NELSON COWBOYS ARE FREQUENTLY SECRETLY FOND OF EACH OTHER official video

[amysubmits]

baby snoopy this, baby clifford that, baby gromit blah blah blah. what about baby kermit???????

[amysubmits]

Please don't let tumblr or any other BDSM or D/s community convince you that subs don't have a ton of emotional needs. As many needs as any other person. Sexual needs included. Subs aren't house plants or pet fish. It is an extremely valid thing for a sub to be in need of an orgasm, or of sexual attention that is focused on them rather than their partner, emotional affection, gentleness, to feel like a priority, the list is basically endless.

#ranting #failing to fully feel your feelings can eventually cause anxiety and depression #because trying to suppress your feelings or needs doesn't make them go away it just neglects them #and that has consequences eventually #don't harm your emotional wellbeing for the sake of kink

[amysubmits]

Honestly more inexperienced subs and bottoms should seek guidance from other subs and bottoms. I get why you'd wanna chat with the hot Dom that gets you so horny on tumblr about it, but like, they haven't been where you've been.

When I need guidance, I talk with older, more experienced switches that I know. They've been on both sides of the dynamic and they have a lot they've learned from both perspectives. They might share different interests (really totally different kinky worlds sometimes) but we're all interested in building safe and healthy community.

If you're looking for advice about bottoming or subbing, ask someone that's done that. Maybe it's the queer in me that isn't afraid to talk to ppl that have the same body parts or sexual expression as me about pleasure, but that's what I'd recommend to anyone inexperienced.

[amysubmits]

I know I just need to open my mouth and go “hello hi will you pls go to town on my ass with a belt” and I will do that eventually but I just gotta stew and summon up courage for a little bit

[amysubmits]

Considering how significantly the cost of food has increased since COVID hit, a .25 or less per item increase barely even counts as a price increase in my mind. So much of what I buy at the grocery store is double what it cost a couple of years ago.

But even if it was a more significant increase...in situations like this the prices didn't increase because the company needed to make more profit to be able to afford to pay their workers more. They had enough of a profit margin to keep prices the same while paying workers more. They just knew they could blame their raised prices on the new minimum wage so they took advantage.

I'll gladly pay 25¢ more for a double cheeseburger if it means the workers get paid a decent wage.

Also, price increases happen all the time even when wages do not increase.