#forced me into relearning how i go about this

[blitzgamev]

Just some thoughts I had that I dont wanna put in the tags of my dumb daily post

#headsup its tchno and grief talk #its just in tags cuz thats how i do thinhs on here #so aint tagging it seperatly #anyway #it had been a good couple years since someone important to me died ykno #forced me into relearning how i go about this #with which i mean i repress like everything else lmao #like the first two days were hell and then i got into the new normal #aka ill gladly watch his content it brings joy #but the second i get reminded there wont be more or he wont show up in places i expect him #like watched the tmmy interview and just got so sad about the joke of us waiting for all of them on there which wont happen now #pretty sure thats why i didnt enjoy micrch as much either man #and otherwise im fine its just those lil things that get me #<- i dunno it all hit me today and i wanted to send it into the void that is this place lmao #also dont know how normal this is #considering its already an unusual Thing to have someone i dont know inpact me this much #but ive also been told i deal with death weirdly irl so #ah the fun time that was being called emotionalless and detached and some other Things #anyway yeah rant over tata or whatever the brits say #shut up blitz

[void-and-virtue]

OP I LOVED UR ANDREIL POST GOING CRAZY THINKING ABOUT IT if you have anything else in that amazing brain of yours on this take please do share because i absolutely LOVED how you articulated this aspect about andreil. its something i particularily appreciate about their dynamic and relationship with anger and Their Issues TM. your post will cross my mind whenever ill think about it from now on.

I don’t think I have ever gotten an ask and this is kind of making me go insane??? I hope you know that you made my day and also, I’m so glad people share in my endless brainrot bc when it comes to this series and these characters I simply cannot stop

It really isn’t nearly talked about enough that the thing that got Andrew to actually look at Neil and become interested was (as cited by Neil himself at some point tho I can’t remember in which book that scene is from the top of my head) Neil’s bone-deep jealousy of Kevin. It’s—it ties into that whole epiphany that Neil has at some point, when he looks at Andrew and realizes that while he is hurtling towards his own breaking point and about to burn out and shatter into something he’s not sure he’d recognize if he survived the encounter, Andrew hit that point and broke from it years ago. And that’s an understanding that goes both ways between them—in a fucked up way, it feels like Andrew might be the future that Neil has waiting for him if he doesn’t end the year six feet under: hollow and drifting, passionless after everything he had to rip away from himself to be able to survive. At the same time, Neil probably reminds Andrew of how he used to be, back when he had hope for things only to have that hope rip him apart—which is exactly where Neil seems to be headed for the majority of the story.

I think that a lot of Andrew’s understanding of Neil comes from the fact that he knows intimately what it feels like to be caught between a rock and a hard place and cut his own lifeline, only to then fail to die on impact. Neil hasn’t had to resort to that yet, but he is hanging by a thread. You’d think that watching him struggle would only serve to drive it home for Andrew that he made the right choice in closing himself off, except… well. His expectations of life and the people in it are so bleak, it’s no wonder he finds himself drawn to Neil’s messy emotions and every unexpected show of spine like a moth to a flame.

Neil, for all of his issues and scars, can still feel things—can still want something so badly it defies all logic. Can want something with such visceral, fucked-up intensity that it resonates where it shouldn’t. It’s an ability that Andrew thinks he’s either lost or cut out of himself to stay somewhat safe, sane and alive a long time ago, but that remains as the most fundamental crack in the foundation of his being. It’s a fascination that seems to come out every time he’s sober and eventually ties into him wanting Neil—wanting something worth wanting and putting a name to it once he finds it. They look at each other and don’t want a watered-down version of the person in front of them. It creates a relationship that embraces issues big and small and accepts (even values!) the messy parts of being human. It means that any space shared between them immediately becomes safe once they settle into something comfortable together. The way they handle the uglier sides of each other’s personality honestly makes me feral because it’s always done with understanding and acceptance and they even find positives or comforts there that the other can’t see and that’s probably a reason for why 1) their chemistry is so off the charts and 2) their relationship is so damn healthy (in addition to their communication being stupidly good when it comes to each other).

Andrew wants something real and Neil wants to be real. And then they get to have exactly that.

#I hope this is even somewhat coherent #this went way out of hand but it’s an aspect of them that’s so hard to put into words #something something Andrew’s almost detached fascination with intense emotions and fervor #he shows that same tendency when it comes to Kevin vs exy as well #in the sense that I’m convinced Kevin’s passion both fucks him up and mystifies him #Neil is just much more up close and personal bc yeah his original devotion that caught Andrew’s eye was to the sport #but then Andrew got to experience that devotion turned around on himself full force #you cannot tell me he was ready for that #but also also #this and the og posts were meant to be about Neil and Neil’s emotions being ugly and messy and human #and how that resonates with Andrew because even terrible feelings can be better than an emotionless void #between numbness and twisted-up falsities #Neil’s raw emotions were probably the most honest thing about him early series and he had a lot that he was never allowed to express before #and not only is Andrew safe to let go of those inhibitions around #Neil also wants for Andrew to relearn how to enjoy that same privilege with him #losing control and all that #there’s a lot that can be said about all of this and I’m really not fully finding the words but. THEM. That’s all and thank you. #also ty for the ask I was really !!! when I saw that in my inbox :)))( #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #aftg meta #answered asks

[luckyemocode]

wait people know tsumiki was abusive to patients before being accepted into hpa/meeting junko right like thats 100% canon and the reason she went into nursing was because she enjoyed having people dependent on her and isnt above making them be dependent on her

#do u guys not remember her 3rd and 4th fte or what #saw a thing being like 'its a rumour that how tsumiki acts in the 3rd trial is her 'real' personality and shes committed acts before' #and like obv in the 3rd trial she had reverted to shsl despair but that doesnt mean she wasnt an abusive nurse before she ever met junko??? #like she has done fucked up shit in the past and its so weird how its ignored bc ppl were also abusive to her + then junko happened #but um turns out taking ur frustration and resentment out on ur patients isnt going to fix or stop the abuse youve been suffering #idk why this is being made into a dichotomy of either shes fucked up OR junko also extra fucked her up like these can both be true lol #her 4th fte is all about how to hold power over people without killing them like?????? idgi #(medical abuse makes me insane both in the special interest + keep it far away from me way so seeing it ignored makes me even more insane) #like i know people love making women characters 1 dimensional but its ok she can be interesting and have a fucked up backstory as a treat #u can be a victim and a perpetrator!! like is it not more interesting for her to have to relearn how to care and break her own bad habits? #(in addition to having to unlearn her own dependence and devotion to junko of course) #like finding a purpose in helping people is a great goal but the pre-hpa snapshot of tsumiki we see in sdr2/island mode is more like worrie #she wont have a purpose unless she forces people to be dependent on her and these insecurities are from her past not from anything junko di #a lot of the shsl ppl struggle with their talents and properly living up to them and like reflecting on how tsumiki views nursing and peopl #who are dependent on nurses and like changing those views so she isnt taking the opportunity to force people to depend on her and instead #meeting them where theyre at in a way that will benefit the patient not her insecurities #anyways long tag rant at least its my own post ;P #tsumiki

[nc-vb]

I was wondering why Apep's boss theme sounded so familiar, like I was having heavy nostalgia trying to figure it out, but it reminds me of something from Kingdom Hearts, which I haven't played in so, so long!! Like especially the parts that involve the flute and clarinet??

omg y'all didn't know but I used to play the clarinet in middle school and grade nine, and we had to put on a little performance once, and I played one of the OSTs from the second game ksdjfsldgslk thinking about it kinda gets me cringy BUT it's a core memory where the aftermath of the performance unfortunately made me not want to play it anymore......... it's such a shame.

#ahhhhhh i was REALLY good at playing the clarinet. and the piano. i really hate myself for giving them both up. #guitar? not so much. i hated playing the guitar. #i have a clarinet saved into my amazon wishlist so i can buy one again bc i would love to relearn it. #ahhh yknow i always say how boring and mundane my life has always been?? #at least that's what its always felt like from my perspective; i don't really change my routine and maybe that's why #BUT i have actually been blessed enough to experience SO MUCH in my life around all the bad things? #and when i was a teenager i think i really took that for granted. especially when it came to my health. #the fact that i dropped the clarinet mid-grade nine ended up being that awful culmination of the bad things i had to experience #but in hindsight i think if i continued to force myself to play it and/or the piano i would've ended up hating both of them. #my love for either won't ever go away nor will it decrease anymore (which i'm also grateful for) #and hopefully one day i WILL get back into the clarinet #but i'm grown enough now to put certain things into perspective that i can control the bad things that can happen to me or my health #so thinking about all the memories of playing that instrument when things were still good...... that's also an honour for me to hold onto. #now my favourite game has so many songs that has the clarinet in it and that really makes me so happy. #hahaha idk if this was all just random rambling but....... it made me happy to talk about and reminisce on. #:) #✦ nc vb.

[alloftheimaginesblog]

Headcanons for Finnick Odair in the bedroom...

Finnick holds a lot of trauma, repressed shame, anxiety, fear and worry around sex. Due to him being forced into prostitution by Snow after he won the games, sex became quite traumatic for him. He was trafficked and every day, the effects still haunt him.

He trusts you so he opens up to you about this, about these issues and my god, your heart breaks into one thousand little pieces.

He's open about it and has learned to talk about it and he tells you awful, horrid stories about his experiences. You cry with him, reaching out with kind hands to wipe his tears away and kiss him on the forehead.

"We don't have to, Finn... Not until you're ready and if you're never ready then that's okay. I want you to be comfortable and if you never want to have sex, that's okay but please just let me know. Tell me how you're feeling and what you're comfortable with."

He can't tell you how much he appreciates you saying that. The love, awe and admiration he has for you in that moment is overpowering.

He likes to kiss you and for a while, that's as far as he'll take things. He wants to go further, god, he wants you so bad but he's just not ready. You understand and you don't push.

When he is finally ready, my god... it's the best night of your life.

He's tentative at first, slow hands relearning skills he hadn't used in a long time but muscle memory exists and soon, he's confident and smirking.

He kisses you everywhere, head between your thighs with a skilled tongue. He grips your thighs as you lose control under his touch.

When he raises his head, he's smirking big and wide.

"You taste divine, gorgeous. Absolutely intoxicating."

He could spend hours between your thighs. He gets off on getting you off; he loves knowing how good he makes you feel, loves knowing that it's him that makes you feel this way.

He's a perfect mix of rough and gentle.

He doesn't overstep, if you're not comfortable with rougher sex, he'll keep it passionate but if you are comfortable with rough sex then get ready to wear his hand like a necklace.

He'll push your head into the pillows as he fucks you from behind, moans getting trapped in the sheets of the bed as he leaves red handprints on your ass.

He likes he tease you so denies you of orgasms until you're a screaming, sensitive, quivering mess.

He likes tying your hands up, using them to hold onto as he fucks you from behind, likes leaving you defenceless so that he can ravage you.

He'll leave love bites everywhere, he's possessive; he likes when other people know that you're his.

Breeding kink one hundred percent. He likes filling you with his cum, likes pushing it back inside you with his fingers and his tongue if it dribbles out of you.

He likes risky sex in public places; likes the excitement of the risk of someone seeing.

He gets jealous sometimes which results in hard, fast, possessive sex anywhere; against a wall, over a table, in a bathroom... anywhere.

#finnick odair smut #finnick odair imagine #finnick #finnick odair x reader #reader insert #the hunger games imagine #the hunger games #thg imagine #thg #hunger games #imagine #headcanon #headcanon prompt #prompt

[spirantization]

I'm surprised at the hate that Sokka's character arc from NATLA is receiving. To me, Sokka's development and characterization was one of the strongest adaptations the series made.

In the original ATLA, Sokka's character arc revolves around him unlearning his own misogyny. He makes pointedly sexist comments throughout the early episodes like "Leave it to a girl to screw things up!", "There's no way a bunch of girls took us down!", etc.

Sokka's comments have a strong narrative purpose: they give a platform for women in the show (Katara & Suki mostly) to refute his attitude. Katara emphasizes traditional "women's work" (cleaning, cooking, sewing, etc), which forces Sokka to confront its inherent value. Suki is able to prove to him that women can fight too and he learns to respect female warriors. It's a great character arc and it's well-executed.

It's also characterization that is in direct response to the culture and feminism of the 90s and early 00s. The representation of women in the media at that time was...oof. It was not great. One-dimensional love interests whose only purpose is being saved by the male protagonist, mostly. Female protagonists were not as common, and certainly not ones who were depicted as being able to fight, and certainly not in cartoons. Female protagonists in animation were almost exclusively princesses.

ATLA was progressive in this regard. Katara was a complex female character in a time when there were not a lot of them, in media in general but especially in animation and kid's shows. (I grew up in the 90s; there were no characters like Katara in animation on screen for me.) ATLA incorporated the zeitgeist directly into the story, which is why we have Sokka learning to overcome his sexism in his interactions with Strong Female Characters.

If you go back and watch the original cartoon now, Sokka's sexism feels a bit dated. It's a very 90s, Girl Power, "girls can fight too" style of social commentary. It doesn't match with the media landscape of today. We've got 20 years of media with female superheroes behind us. If your message is "girls can fight too!" the response for the most part is going to be "yes, we know that. And?"

So imagine you're adapting the original ATLA for a live-action remake. You want to keep Sokka's character arc intact, but you want to update it for the 2020s. So what do you do? You look at the conversations that are happening today.

The 90s were about "girls can do everything boys can do", but the 20s are over that. The conversation is more about gender: gender expression, gender roles, gender dynamics. What does is mean to be a woman? What does it mean to be a man?

Sokka's character arc in NATLA is focused on this question: What does it mean to be a man? At the beginning of the series, it's his identity as a warrior that defines him. He needs to be the warrior, the protector, the leader. He's constantly trying to reaffirm this part of his identity, and it's completely tied up in his perception of his value as a man. Instead of his interactions with Suki being about "how could girls possibly be warriors", it shifts to Sokka saying "I'm ALSO a warrior" and trying to justify that to Suki (and mostly himself).

His arc over the series is about him accepting other aspects of himself and relearning how to define his masculinity. He can still have value as man without being the greatest warrior. He can still have value as a man by using his skills as an engineer. He can still have value as a man by offering compassion and kindness to others, like the little girl with the doll & Yue in her final moments. Instead of rigidly defining himself by a specific set of gender roles & expectations, he learns how to define himself through his own strengths and qualities.

I know there are a lot of people who are upset at this change to Sokka's characterization, and the most common thing I see is that it results in changes to Katara's character and her anger in response to Sokka's comments. I think there are valid criticisms to be made about how the show handled the adaptation of Katara's character, but I won't go there with this. In terms of Sokka and his characterization, it was well-done and thematically consistent with the original. It's not an exact port, and it never needed to be. It's still a feminist arc that centres on unlearning harmful misogynistic worldviews, but the focus has shifted from external (roles of women) to internal (his role as a man). And his journey is one that people would benefit from seeing represented.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #natla #netflix avatar #atla meta #there are many criticisms to make about the adaptation but this just isn't one of them

[the-modern-typewriter]

And so they all lived happily ever after.[1]

Theodore could finally breathe.

The two of them had bought the quiet, peaceful cottage that they had always talked about[2] and filled it with things[3] because they were allowed to do more than simply need now.[4] They were allowed to want, and build a home because home no longer had to be wherever the resistance had camped up for the night. Honestly, Theo had thought he’d be dead before that ever happened. Being born the chosen one, nobody had ever expected him to survive fate long enough for the aftermath, least of all him. [5]

Didn’t that mean he had the earned the right to be happy, now?[6]

“Theo.” She sat opposite him at the kitchen table, and took his hand, and looked at him like the world still needed saving, like he hadn’t done enough. “This isn’t working,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

It came out of nowhere.[7]

***

“I don’t have nightmares,” he said.[8] “We won. I killed the Shadow King, if anyone should have nightmares-”

He forced his expression to ease. He shouldn’t resent Adina her nightmares, if she had them. He knew the battlefield they had met upon. In a world of blood and conquest and power that made him feel like he was going to sizzle from the inside out, she had been a cooling balm. She had made him a man, instead of something out of legend.

“I know you were there too,” he continued, because she was acting like he’d somehow forgotten that. “But it’s over.” Didn’t she see that it was over? “Whatever nightmares you have, we’ll get through it together, yeah? They’re only dreams.”

“Memories.”

His jaw clenched. “They can’t hurt you unless you let them.”[9]

Her mouth clicked shut and she swallowed hard. At some point, during the argument, they’d both surged to their feet. Her arms were crossed against her chest, defensive, like either of them should have any need for defences anymore. They were safe with each other. She knew that! Before she started this conversation, they had been fine. Hadn’t they been fine?

“If there was a button that could make me feel differently,” she managed. “I would hit it in a heartbeat. God. I’m not – I know this isn’t your fault. I’m not saying that. I know you’ve gone through enough. I know this isn’t fair, but I—”

“You just need time.”[10]

They had time now, didn’t they? Walking through the woods filled him with a calm he’d never known before. The green trees, dappled by sunlight, made it impossible to dwell on the cold feeling of bloodied stone against broken bones. Everything was light, and air, and the freedom to run.

There were no people to be responsible for, no important envoys to encroach upon the time they managed to snatch together, always wrenching them apart. It was him, and her, and they didn’t have to live in a stolen moment anymore. Wasn’t that enough?[11]

“How can you be so okay?” Adina’s voice crumpled on the question, so small, and it felt like a knife between his ribs because it sounded like an honest question too. “After everything…” Her eyes were big and desperate - he recoiled. He could finally breathe, and she would have him drown.

After everything, he was allowed to be okay. Was he supposed to live forever feeling guilty for everything he could have done better? Was he supposed to have died too?[12]

Maybe, yes, in her story he should have.

It was easier to love a legend than a man. It was easy to make promises to someone who wouldn’t live to hold you to them. For a second, he hated her, more than he’d ever hated the Shadow King. He didn’t want to be a thing of hate anymore. He didn’t want to fight anymore.

“Everything?” He repeated, oh so softly. His fists curled, nails digging into his palms hard enough to draw blood and he didn’t want to ever draw blood again either. He stopped.  He relearned how to breathe. “You do not get to hold ‘everything’ against me, Adina. I did everything you asked of me. That all of you asked of me. For you. For this.”

“Theo…”

“We love each other.” He turned away because he couldn’t look at her. “That’s all that matters. We’ll get through this. Happily ever after.”

She flinched in the corner of his vision.

“Please.” He closed his eyes. “You want to talk about everything? After everything, let me have this. Give me this. It is the only thing I ever asked of you.”[13]

She exhaled a shaky breath. The silence stretched. Then, she kissed him sweetly, gently, like everything was okay. She whispered the words against his lips:

“I’ll try.”

***

It was better again, after that. Their fight became another battle of the past to be buried with their dead and forgotten. 

In the mornings, they would paint the sunrise that they had once spent hours trying to picture, when the endless night of the Shadow King’s reign felt like it never might never break. The first time Theo had seen that the sky could truly be pink he thought maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t made it through after all. But he had.  In the afternoons, they would walk hand in hand through the woods and he would tell her about all of the new growth he was learning about. He liked the names. The colours. The hope.

It wasn’t perfect. Now that she’d pointed it out, he stirred sometimes in the night to find her awake still. When he caressed her face in the dark his hand would come away wet with silent tears.[14] On those nights, he would kiss her honeyed and slow because he didn’t have to kiss her like she was oxygen anymore, until she melted in his arms and smiled again. [15]

The weeks turned into months, which turned into years.

She stopped crying, with time. She healed.[16]

The shadows were gone.

And so, they all lived happily ever after.[17]

----

[1] Happily ever after! It was just another bloody thing to fail at, wasn’t it?

[2] He’d always talked about it. He was happy. The cottage was perched in the middle of the woods, far enough away from civilisation that she could pass days without seeing another person. Sometimes, it felt like they must have lost, because the world that she knew wasn’t there anymore.

[3] She shouldn’t resent him his clutter. He deserved clutter. She knew he deserved clutter, his houseful of little wooden figurines he carved, after everything. 

[4] She hated the clutter.

[5] It was a terrible thing to want happiness, but not know what to do with peace; she’d learned to love him fighting. But now, he loved gently, sword forgotten, armour laid to rest, and that was not the version of him that she’d fallen love with.

[6] She missed the man she’d fallen for.

[7] She couldn’t do this anymore.

[8] Because he was the only one who had truly suffered.

[9] Was it so simple? Had she got it wrong? Was she merely not trying hard enough to move on? His expression told her that, yes, she needed to try harder. They were supposed to be a team but, to his mind, when it came down to it…he’d been the one alone against the Shadow King, hadn’t he? So, if he could heal then why couldn’t she? She hadn’t been the one buckling under the weight of prophecy. She had no right.

[10] That was the other thing everyone always said, along with happily ever after. Time healed all wounds. She just needed time. But how much time was that? Too much, it seemed. There had been a woman she met in the aftermath of the battle at Sunburst fields. She had lost her lover. Adina couldn’t remember the woman’s name, only what she had confessed when no one else was there to hear her.

[11] The woman said, “I’m not allowed to mourn her. No one knew we were together, you see. She had a husband. But she loved me, and I… no one will ever know now, and I must mourn her like she wasn’t mine to mourn. Like I might mourn a stranger.’ The woman’s voice dropped barely audible. "And I think it might just kill me. How do you heal a hurt when you have to pretend it’s not there? Like it’s a papercut instead of a bullet wound?"

[12] He fought to protect her. To protect all of them. In his story, she was the victory he came home to. She was his happy ending. She was not supposed to be broken.

[13] He had fallen in love with her when she was selfish. A good, selfless girl did not love in a stolen moment, after all. Stolen moments had to be taken from someone. But he didn’t want selfish now. He didn’t want someone who had done battle, who had hurt, and been hurt. He didn’t want a woman with a shadow in her heart.

[14] And, so, he fell out of love with her in the way that a person forgets their wallet on the train – with that stabbing sense of panic, of leaving something vital behind, without yet being able to place what was gone.

[15] Instead, he fumbled and groped for the debris, the receipts, the bits of change and dust at the bottom of the bag of them that had meant something important once. He began to look at her like a stranger when she reminded him that she was sharp. That he had loved something sharp, once.

[16] He looked for clues for what was missing.

[17] He would never find her.

#Not sure the footnotes work for tumblr but here goes #but another story of mine I don't think I've shared on here #happily ever after #short story #writeblr #fiction #creative writing #original fiction #fantasy

[obae-me]

I saw your post about the characters with a traumatized MC and the part about the angels made me start thinking about how they'd handle an MC who has religious trauma (because I thought that was where it was going in your post)

MC avoiding Simeon and Luke because everything related to heaven creeps them out (they're legit scared of angels, god, etc) and feeling way too comfortable living in the devildom and being around demons because they "always knew they were going to end up in hell when they died" because that's what was hammered into their head growing up or something

that would sure change the cast's views on human religion huh?

Yes, absolutely. I can't remember if I mentioned it before or just kept that brainworm tucked safely inside my skull, but I think about this a lot. Namely, because I have SO much religious trauma (yippie!).

I've thought a lot about how the Celestial Realm harbors a lot of the same toxicity that certain organized religions have the tendancy to exhibit here on good ol earth. I mean, we've seen some things in game that suggest that things aren't all rainbows and roses up there. The way that Luke talks early game suggests a lot. And so I'm sure a religiously traumatized MC would have SUCH a hard time around the angels at first. (I actually had my own reservations with the angels when they were first introduced and I even kind of disliked Luke a ton before I eventually took a step back and thought about the fact that he's just a BABY who is just spitting out ideals that were shoved into his head. It's not his fault, and I think his character development is something that the fandom does not address enough. I'm so proud of him!! Having your expectations of the world be broken and then having to relearn everything you thought you knew is actually SO hard.)

MC getting along well or feeling more comfortable with demons because they don't feel like they're being judged or under the watchful eyes of others.

MC talking about "not being as afraid to come back" VERY early on in game and the other characters taking WAY too long to realize they mean come to purgatory after they pass, and the demons themselves don't feel good about knowing that.

MC avoiding certain sins/pleasures/temptations due to the fear that's been embedded in them over it. Even if those things are COMPLETELY normal and harmless to enjoy.

All of the characters being extremely patient and understanding about this sort of thing and very slowly chipping away at certain stigmas they still hold onto, making the human feel safe while they do.

MC avoiding Simeon because of mixed feelings of shame and maybe a bit of resentment and then eventually learning that he's actually such a down to earth and sweet guy and spending more time with him just to learn that he's been in many similar situations is so...so good to think about. Learning that he'll never force certain ideologies onto them, that he doesn't see them as someone who needs to be "saved". A human and an angel sitting together and discussing what being "good" really means. Sharing confessions to each other that they've both held on their backs for such a long time because they've been too ashamed of themselves and confused to heal from it alone. They're not a sinner and a Saint, they're just normal people who make mistakes and want to do good in the world.

I do have many thoughts on this clearly...

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me shall we date #asks #anon

[lets-try-some-writing]

okay but what about robots in disguise?? its not a favorite of mine but it’s still pretty good. russel and his dad are decent lol

Frag that show.

It disrespected TFP on every level and for that it has my eternal hatred and contempt. The humans were annoying, and I HATED how many interesting plot threads there were that were either done poorly or with so little tact that the writing team should have just scrapped it. The designs are tolerable, but I hate how canon TFP characters lost so much of their individuality in their designs (coughtheopticscough). Smokescreen is fricking GONE, which bothers me more than I care to admit. We see the rest of the team enough to be reasonable, but they all appear in ways that don't really make me happy.

Ratchet was done well enough in my opinion. I like his RID design. It suites him. Optimus's design can go die in a hole, they brutalized that mech. Same with Jazz. Frag those stupid shoulder pads.

Grimlock is fun, I appreciate Sideswipe, although his helm hair thingies I think need a redesign to make sense in relation to his alt mode. Strongarm was HORRIBLY underutilized and I hardly saw any character growth in her. Drift and his crew were interesting, but similarly not given much room to grow. I really liked Windblade for the most part, especially the episode where she tries to baby Optimus and comes out having relearned that Op is still a PRIME with MILLIONS OF YEARS OF WAR EXPERIENCE.

The Primes who've done nothing but sit on their rears had NO RIGHT to belittle Optimus at every turn. Nor did the show have the right to make him an idiot for the sake of making Bee look smarter. As @nova--spark has pointed out, the personality Bee got in the show matches Smokescreen better. Bumblebee wouldn't have SUCKED so much at the whole leadership shtick. What happened to all that skill shown in the movie huh? HUH WRITING TEAM????!??!?!

While I am on this train. OPTIMUS DIED SO GOSH DARN LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! He should have stayed deceased, or if they REALLY needed him back, he should have either returned as an Civi or came back with actual issues. Like dang hear me out mate.

Optimus is forcefully returned to life, beats the Fallen with his borrowed power, but then has to actually deal with the consequences of essentially being a walking bomb for a while. Make him start losing plating, make his frame HURT, make him slim down again into the TFP base design. Just, give him a reason to have to sit back and RECOVER. Not this whole half hearted limping around garbage. To add to that, don't baby the mech. Let him stay at base and fulfill the role Ratchet did in TFP. Let him use his knowledge to teach and offer wisdom, plan battles and locate enemies. For Primus's sake he could have gone undercover on Cybertron or something if they really needed him to go be useless elsewhere.

THEY COULD HAVE EVEN HAD AN ARC WITH HIM GIVING THE TEAM A WAKEUP CALL!!! SIdeswipe has no respect for the mission, Grimlock is a fool, Strongarm is too snarky, and Bee in this seems to have largely forgotten about the seriousness except for during key moments. They could have made Optimus a minor antagonist, forcing the team to follow wartime standards since they laid down this plot thread regarding issues between leadership styles and Optimus trying to take control of the operation more than once.

I would have paid money to see Optimus's wartime mentality show itself in the best and worst ways through how he worked with this group of non war vets on a Decepticon capture mission. Maybe even have him use lethal force once or twice, or at least hint at it so that people can be reminded that he is a mech who went to war, killed countless bots, and both drove their people to and saved their people from extinction.

Bee could have had to teach Optimus to calm down. He could have helped eased his leader out of his wartime mindset. Or following that whole council running Cybertron route, Optimus could have had his moment of being very much right when he points out WHY he fought at all and gestures towards the new council. There was SO MUCH potential in this show, so many good threads and interesting Decepticon character that could have given so much depth to the war and the aligned continuity as a whole, but they were almost ALL ignored.

*deep breath*

Alright, sorry about that. I have big feelings in regards to how dirty Optimus was done. Moving on, the Predacons were killed off supposedly and that pisses me off ESPECIALLY because it was done in a fricking offscreen setting. What the hell happened to Predaking??? WHERE DID HE GO????

Starscream's design was rad though, not going to lie.

Where is Shockwave? No seriously where is that fragger? After several years of the map he MUST have an army growing in a tank somewhere.

Soundwave. Why. ARe. YOU. HERE??!?!?!? I love you man but dang you are so out of place. He made sense in the context of trying to get to Megatron, but idk he felt like he deserved better. He should have been the big brain behind the Cons on Earth if you asked me. It would have made everything far more intense, especially if the Cons dont follow Decepticon creed as seen by Soundwave.

The humans were annoying. Sorry they just were.

Fixit is Primus's gift to RID and he's one of the few individuals who makes it less annoying. Idk, I just like him in reasonable doses.

WHERE ARE THE TFP KIDS?! WHY HAS BEE NOT CALLED THEM?? GOOD HEAVENS THERE IS A WHOLE SUBPLOT RIGHT THERE!!!

*yet another deep breath*

Apologies.

To put things simply, I would rather a group of fanfic writers put RID together than whoever the writing team was. They could have made a coherent story with deep characters that actually address the ramifications of millions of years of war and lingering functionalist mindsets. They would have done the lore and the world justice even if there were no main characters popping up.

I think RID has so much potential, but that almost all of it went right down the toilet due to either the higher ups sticking their noses where they don't belong or because the writing team couldn't go two minutes without retconning or otherwise destroying established everything.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#transformers #maccadam #transformers prime #transformers rid2015 #lets try some writing mumbles #rant #bumblebee #team prime #optimus prime #bee team #post war cybertron #fic ideas #sorry but this frickin show made me so mad #I appreciated the ideas #execution deserved to be beheaded

[anodyne-sunflower]

One of the things I love about the Astarion hug scene is that in it, he's relearning touch. Anyone who has been through abuse physically and sexually, we know exactly what that journey looks like. You're so used to a negative reaction that even the softest, sweetest touch breaks you up inside. You hate it because you absolutely want to be able to love it. You get angry because it isn't fair you have no experience of gentle, meaningful touch (and not just sexually). The first time you do feel it from someone...fuck me, that's a wild moment. It's like alarms going off and you want to scream for help but you don't want to scare the gentle person away. Because just as bad as you crave no touch, you also are really fucking touch-starved for something.

I'm going way off the rails but I just realized how badly some of us who have experienced such unfair abuses can relate to this character. Obviously it varies, but I just wanted to be able to communicate this with the fandom. Like, just to let you know you're not alone. Holy hell you're not alone. Us other survivors are here and finding absolute glee in the journey that is Astarion.

So yes, I'm screaming about the hug scene again. His face, God-- he's so stunned and hurt but this, this moment is him finally realizing that touch doesn't need to be sexual, it doesn't need to be forced or painful or unfair. It can be gentle, addictive in the best way and the first time you feel it's embrace (literally right) you worry it'll be gone just as quick.

But it isn't. And you get to experience the new meaning of touch.

Just imagine the possibilities for him and Tav.

A hug. A soft caress to the cheek. A gentle pat on the back. A light peck on the cheek or forehead. A warm body next you in bed that merely seeks your presence for comfort and offering safety. I want to see all of these moments for him. I'm so tempted to write a little thing about it lol my fanfic writer is drooling okay.

He deserves the world in a kinder way. We all do.

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 astarion #astarion #astarion x tav #tav x astarion #tw sex assault #tw abuse #this is a blog that supports astarion finding his version of intimacy with the right person #and i do mean both affection in everyday touches and very intimately

[artbyjessicajewett]

Hi everyone! I wanted to introduce myself. I'm Jessica and I was a previous user of Tumblr before it was bought. I decided to come back.

Today I'm not so much a fandom person (my first account was a Supernatural and Destiel vibe) as I am living my "real" life as an artist, author, historian, and disability rights activist. I'll be 42 in February and I live on the border of Ohio and West Virginia - like, literally on the border. I can almost throw a rock and hit West Virginia from my apartment building. Living here after spending over twenty years in Georgia has been a fresh change. Georgia is not a great place for people with complex disabilities like mine. I get much better medical care and access to state services here in Ohio, which is why I came here. My ancestry is Appalachian anyway, so this does feel like home in a strange way.

My art is what I do the most. This is me doing a commission order a few years ago.

You're immediately wondering about my disability and why I do everything with the tools in my mouth. I was born with a condition called Arthrogryposis and that just simply means my joints have very little range of motion. Much of my body is stiff. So I taught myself to play with my toys, markers, etc., with my mouth rather than my hands before I could even read or go to school. It was natural for me. I live a happy life and I'm not upset about being born with this disability. You don't have to feel sorry for me because I don't feel sorry for me.

At this stage in my life, I'm working on art commission number 91 with about 50 more on my wait list. My work specializes in black and white pencil portraits, mostly of different historical periods. Most of the art people order from me has to do with my ability to interpret their previous lifetimes (yes, reincarnation) as well as introducing them to their spirit guides. I do regular art with no spiritual complex as well, like family portraits, friends portraits, pet portraits, architecture, fan art, original characters, some fantasy, witchcraft, folk magic, paranormal, historical events, etc. I'm heavily trained in realistic very detailed portraits, so if you're looking for anime or cute illustrations, I'm probably not your woman.

This is the last commission I finished.

This is an interpretation of that customer's spirit guide as they appeared before they died. This is "my style" of art, as they say. I like to do color art too but I finish black and white orders much faster.

Besides art, I'm a lifelong student of 19th century history in America focusing on women's roles, families, social issues, disability history, and LGBTQIA+ history. I was in school to specifically become an antebellum and Civil War historian before chronic illnesses forced me to drop out. Higher education 20+ years ago was a casserole of nonsense when it came to helping disabled students succeed. Don't get me started.

I'm also a lifelong paranormal researcher focusing mostly on hauntings tied to antebellum and Civil War America including old folklore. My mother and grandmother were Missouri folk magic practitioners. I was raised in an understanding of the unseen world. I also collect reincarnation cases from the Civil War period sparked by my own case from that time. I'll talk about that elsewhere if you want.

Follow me here if you like. I'm just getting started. I have to relearn how to use this app.

-Jessica

Shop: etsy.com/shop/ArtByJessicaJewett

If you're not interested in art, I also accept tips if you enjoy my content. I'm at $ArtByJessicaJewett on CashApp, at Jessica-Jones-1002 on Venmo, and PayPal.me/ArtByJessicaJewett on PayPal.

#art #writing #history #commission #portraits #disabled #artbyjessicajewett

[raisedbythetv89]

Ok ooooook OK SO.

Spike was literally made for Buffy because he was made for and by Drusilla, and Buffy and Dru are the same person:

Innocent, kind-hearted young girls, with special gifts that cause them to carry more guilt/burden than others and they are used/abused/traumatized by angelus/angel, then neglected and abandoned, with Spike being there to pick up the pieces and nurture, care for, and love them the best he can to help them move past their angel trauma (which is actually an impossible task with Drusilla because of the sire aspect but isn’t with Buffy)

WHICH is why I believe William’s first act as a vampire was to try and save his mother. He was literally created to be Dru’s knight. Not only her protector but her healer. Which is why his first instinct when it should be all about blood lust is instead, to heal his mother who he still loves even as a vampire. I mean even Dru, a certified nutcase, is like you wanna do WHAT?!?! When Spike tells her his plan to save his mom😹

This is also why I believe angel trying to mold Spike into his image never really took or rather Spike was able to break free from it. Angel was created by darla for the intent of death, torment and destruction.

Spike was created to care for and love Dru. Which required an OBSCENE amount of patience, determination, humility, and love of a challenge. Which is why he was so intrigued by slayers, another seemingly impossible task - but the joy/fun was in the TRYING, the thrill of the unknown and the unpredictability of it all. Which are all the traits he needed to be there for both Dru and Buffy while also ensuring he never gives up on them as long as they want him there, and then some lol.

IM FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

Because also this is soooooo not where I planned on going with this but “I was made to love you” episode title is now drawing in the connection of, is this why Spike didn’t initially see the problem with the Buffy-Bot until he saw the reaction of Buffy herself who often acts as his moral compass as he relearns what is “good” after 100+ years living by vamp code because him AS A HUMAN, in his vulnerable, dejected and devastated state was killed and made into a vampire for the sole purpose of loving and caring for Drusilla selflessly, without regard for himself, much like the bots were!! So why would he see the harm in creating something like that for himself when no one was going to die in the process and it meant he could stop fixating in the real buffy? Both of which to a vamp who’s only been trying to live by human morals again for like 14 episodes vs 120 years with NO help just trial and erroring his way through becoming a white hat which his starting point is “I would like credit for not taking advantage of bleeding disaster victims” and “what do you mean building a shrine to show how deep my devotion is and chaining you up, offering to kill my ex, and forcing you to talk to me and admit your feelings aren’t the way to do this??” 😹😹😹 like he gets it so wrong, it’s comical in season 5 because he truly is so earnest about all of it because while yes it is all for a chance with Buffy, he genuinely wants to be better for her so he can earn that chance. As he says to Riley “a fellas gotta try” after saying he doesn’t think he has a chance with her.

He was an Eleanore who desperately needed his Chidi. Which Buffy is his moral compass but she ends up being a “let them fail/push them into the deep end” kind of guide. So he makes A LOT of mistakes along the way as many of us often do in general but especially those of us who were raised by abusive parents; who in our adulthood, have to learn to discern what is healthy vs abusive to be a good person to both yourself and others and be in actual healthy relationships with boundaries and respect with zero practical experience or good instincts to go on.

NONE of this excuses any harm that Spike causes at all. That is not the point of this to say “oh he didn’t really do bad”, no he did. Spike caused a lot of harm but this perspective that I’ve finally been able to put into words is why none of the harm ends up being a deal breaker for me and many spuffys because it puts his choices in the right perspective which is not that of a human even though he looks like one a lot of the time.

Spike pre-soul, making the mistakes he makes isn’t the same as a human or a vamp with a human soul making the mistakes because he doesn’t have his human soul motivating and informing the decisions he makes. It really mimics different cultures in a lot of ways as anya really demonstrates during her wedding with all her talk of demon culture and tradition (and her own struggles to assimilate into the human world again and she HAS a human soul and xander to help her) and the initiative being VERY n*zi coded and Riley being called a bigot because he is ignorant to much of demonology. So un-souled spike has a more potential for forgiveness of his mistakes than human soul havers because he is always genuinely TRYING to do right by Buffy even when he gets it horribly wrong. And the characters in the show always hold him accountable and make him feel TERRIBLE for the mistakes he makes.

Why does he have such potential for forgiveness you ask? The best example is to think of the concept of someone trying to assimilate themselves into a new culture. We can’t expect them to blend right in perfectly and get all the culture norms right, right away (again -anya-but also a real life example - when I travel in Italy and catch up with friends there I STILL always stumble and forget they’re always gonna go in for a double cheek kiss greeting - pre covid anyway - and I KNOW it’s a thing but if I’m out of practice it takes me a while to start greeting people that way again and it makes for some AWKWARD ENCOUNTERS until I get it down😹). It takes time, and normally guidance and patience from others that spike honestly doesn’t often have except in the form of being yelled at or beat up until he gets his soul. But his willingness to TRY anyways despite failure, rejection, ridicule and cruelty. How can I not love him?? He is me, I am him!! I was also met with so much unhelpful criticism and cruelty when I was just trying to learn and do a good job.

Both as someone who is autistic and didn’t know it for a lot of life; I too felt like I was blundering through without a guide or a rule book and I was sure I was making mistakes because people would get upset but I had NO help identifying what exactly I did wrong or what to do instead. So I knew I was messing up but had to keep guessing and trying anyway and getting it wrong again and again!

And as someone raised by an emotionally distant/abusive narcissist, navigating healthy relationships became even MORE difficult and I made a lot of bad choices along the way that landed me in some awful relationships much like what spike and Buffy devolve into towards the end of season 6 because both of them are up stream without a paddle when it comes to healthy relationships, healthy coping mechanisms, and communication. They know pain, avoidance, fighting, torment, and ecstasy from always living in extremes and life or death situations (notice Buffy struggles the most in the season with no threat of the apocalypse until the last two episodes - season 6 - which is SO common for people with trauma, you really fall apart when things are low stakes)

It’s why the tenderness and gentleness of season 7 means SO MUCH. Both of them experiencing these tiny pockets of true peace with each other after everything they’ve been through individually and together. Experiencing true peace like we see from them is one of the hardest things to accomplish if you have severe trauma.

I’m always really happy when I can digest these complex themes enough to communicate why I love them so much and why they’re so important to me. The fact that this show had so much in-fighting amongst the writers and misogynists trying to make spike pathetic and accidentally making him one of the most complex characters, plus episodes based specifically on neurodivergent/queer peoples’ traumatic coming of age experiences because the parallels are SO strong there no way they’re not lol. This all means I can probably spend the rest of my life dissecting the layers of this show and learning about myself in the process and always find something new 🙃🙃🙃 and clearly I love all aspects of spuffy so god damn much as they each embody a big part of my life experiences in so many beautiful yet tragic ways.

#spuffy #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #spike and buffy #spike and drusilla #spike btvs #buffy and spike #meta #spuffy meta #sprusilla meta

[prince-koda]

I Don't Deserve You

Bucky Barnes X GN!Reader

AN: Distant Bucky and a conversation. Just a lil hurt/comfort as a treat. Per usual there's no body, hair, race, or gender descriptors. No use of Y/N. 3rd POV. Reader is referred to as a "partner" and with they/them/theirs pronouns.

Constructive criticism always appreciated.

I'm unemployed and mentally struggling, bon appetite.

There was a constant, gnawing feeling in the pit of their stomach. Never ending anxiety, simmering just below the surface.

Bucky felt distant. While he tried his best to relearn how to communicate what he was thinking and feeling, he often settled on keeping to himself about issues for a while. This wasn’t new. What was new was the subtle, but not subtle enough, pulling away.

The random kisses throughout the day eventually slowed to a stop. No more texts during lunch, reminding them to take a break from whatever they were doing for a while. In fact, he nearly stopped texting them all together when the two were off doing separate things. He even became less interested in making dinner together or movie marathons. 

This doesn’t mean he was fully avoiding his partner. Bucky always held their hand when they walked around the city, standing closest to the street. When he’d make grocery runs, he’d still always surprise them with a special snack or candy he found. Back and shoulder rubs after long days were always offered. They never laid in bed together without some form of contact or cuddling.

But things were different.

Bucky continued to say that nothing was wrong, shrugging off any questions about how he’s doing. A simple excuse of being tired could only go so far.

“Do you still want to be together?” Their voice was quiet, but steady nonetheless.

There was silence for a beat. It almost felt like the world was moving slower.

“Excuse me?” Bucky answered, an almost undetectable tinge of fear slipped out with his words.

“Bucky,” they sighed out. “You act like you’re not as interested in being with me anymore. You’re not talking to me and I’m not sure what to do or think anymore. So,” another short pause. “I’m asking you upfront.”

“Of course! Of course I want to be with you.” he reached out and held their face in his hands. His thumbs brushed over their cheekbones as he struggled to find his words.

“I’m not trying to pry, you don’t have to tell me everything, but you’re pulling away. I just want you to come back to me.”

Bucky had put on a brave front as soon as the words left their lips, trying to keep his composure, but that broke him. The two stared at each other with misty eyes before Bucky finally said what was on his mind.

“I just don’t deserve you.” Bucky bowed his head, no longer able to make eye contact.

More silence, only being broken by occasional sniffling and forced deep breaths. Both of their throats were squeezing shut, attempting to keep all the bile-like emotions deep below.

“Wh-what does that mean?” The fear of this actually somehow being the end, that this was all some roundabout way of breaking up, couldn’t be hidden when they spoke.

While Bucky’s head was bowed, the tears began streaming down his face. Despite the embarrassment he felt from not only crying, but making you upset as well, he looked back up.

“All I want is for you to have everything you deserve and that’s not me.”

His partner’s hands flew to cradle his face the way he still held theirs, not hesitation in their voice as they asked, “Who said that? All I want is you.”

His tears fell faster. He tried to bow his head out of his partner’s hands, unable to look at them without feeling like his chest was going to implode. The squeezing feeling spread down from his throat to his entire chest. Again, trying to pull away.

“James, I just want you,” they repeated. “All I want is us to be together and happy and healthy and-” they cut themself off.

They pulled Bucky in for a hug, letting him hide his tears in their shoulder.

“If you don’t want to be with me,” they took a deep breath. “I understand, but if you’re doing some mental gymnastics about not being good enough then you need to know that I love you and I want to be with you as long as you want to be with me. If I’m lucky, that’s forever.”

They let silence take over the room again, simply rubbing Bucky’s back as he let out tiny shakes from his muted crying.

“I want you, too.” Bucky murmured into his partner’s shoulder. “Forever.”

“So let me love you and be with you. I don’t want you to push me away, I want your life to be my life. You always take care of me, so let me take care of you.”

“I’m sorry I upset you.” He began shaking more. “I don’t want to leave you or for you to leave me I’m just scared I think and I’m sorry.” The words raced out of his lips. He almost seemed frantic, scared he’d ruined everything.

“How about we make a deal?” His partner asked after a beat, moving a hand from his back to the nape of his neck, offering more soothing contact.

Bucky let out a quiet, “Okay,” as he continued working to steady his breathing. He moved his head from his partner’s shoulder, one of his hands reached up to scrub the tears away.

“I’ll never leave you if you never leave me.” A hand moved from his neck to in between them as his partner held out their pinky.

“I’ll never leave you if you never leave me.” Bucky repeated, his sniffling slowing down. Linking their pinkies, the two leaned in to kiss their fists.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #marvel x reader #mcu x reader #mcu #marvel #kodywrites

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Wrestling with the Bible's war stories

Spend any solid amount of time with scripture and you'll run into something that perplexes, disturbs, or downright horrifies you. Many of us have walked away from the Bible or from Christianity in general, sometimes temporarily and sometimes permanently, after encountering these stories. So how do we face them, wrestle them, and seek God's presence in (or in spite of) them?

In her book Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again, the late Rachel Held Evans spends a whole chapter on the "war stories" of Joshua, Judges, and the books of Samuel and Kings. She starts with how most teachers in her conservative Christian upbringing shut her down every time she tried to name the horror she felt reading of violence, rape, and ethnic cleansing; I share an excerpt from that part of the chapter over in this post.

That excerpt ends with Evans deciding that she needed to grapple with these stories, or lose her faith entirely.

...But then I ended the excerpt, with the hope that folks would go read all of Inspired for themselves — and I still very much recommend doing so! The whole book is incredibly helpful for relearning how to read scripture in a way that honors its historical context and divine inspiration, and takes seriously how misreadings bring harm to individuals and whole people groups.

But I know not everyone will read the book, for a variety of reasons, and that's okay. So I want to include a long excerpt from the rest of the chapter, where Evans provides cultural context and history that helps us understand why those war stories are in there; and then seeks to find where God's inspiration is among those "human fingerprints."

I know how important it was to Rachel Held Evans that all of us experience healing and liberation, so it is my hope that she'd be okay with me pasting such a huge chunk of the book for reading here. If you find what's in this post meaningful, please do check out the rest of her book! A lot of libraries have it in print, ebook, and/or audiobook form.

[One last comment: the following excerpt focuses on these war stories from the Hebrew scriptures ("Old Testament"), but there are violent and otherwise disturbing stories in the "New Testament" too, from Herod killing babies to all the wild things going on in Revelation. Don't fall for the antisemitic claim that "The Old Testament is violent while the New Testament is all about peace!" All parts of scripture include violent passages, and maintain an overarching theme of justice and love.]

Here's the excerpt showing Rachel's long wrestling with the Bible's war stories, starting with an explanation for why they're in there in the first place:

“By the time many of the Bible’s war stories were written down, several generations had passed, and Israel had evolved from a scrappy band of nomads living in the shadows of Babylon, Egypt, and Assyria to a nation that could hold its own, complete with a monarchy. Scripture embraces that underdog status in order to credit God with Israel’s success and to remind a new generation that “some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God” (Psalm 20:7). The story of David and Goliath, in which a shepherd boy takes down one of those legendary Canaanite giants with just a slingshot and two stones, epitomizes Israel’s self-understanding as a humble people improbably beloved, victorious only by the grace and favor of a God who rescued them from Egypt, walked with them through the desert, brought the walls of Jericho down, and made that shepherd boy a king. To reinforce the miraculous nature of Israel’s victories, the writers of Joshua and Judges describe forces of hundreds defeating armies of thousands with epic totality. These numbers are likely exaggerated and, in keeping literary conventions of the day, rely more on drama and bravado than the straightforward recitation of fact. Those of us troubled by language about the “extermination” of Canaanite populations may find some comfort in the fact that scholars and archaeologists doubt the early skirmishes of Israel’s history actually resulted in genocide.

It was common for warring tribes in ancient Mesopotamia to refer to decisive victories as “complete annihilation” or “total destruction,” even when their enemies lived to fight another day. (The Moabites, for example, claimed in an extrabiblical text that after their victory in a battle against an Israelite army, the nation of Israel “utterly perished for always,” which obviously isn’t the case. And even in Scripture itself, stories of conflicts with Canaanite tribes persist through the book of Judges and into Israel’s monarchy, which would suggest Joshua’s armies did not in fact wipe them from the face of the earth, at least not in a literal sense.)

Theologian Paul Copan called it “the language of conventional warfare rhetoric,” which “the knowing ancient Near Eastern reader recognized as hyperbole.” Pastor and author of The Skeletons in God’s Closet, Joshua Ryan Butler, dubbed it “ancient trash talk.”

Even Jericho, which twenty-first-century readers like to imagine as a colorful, bustling city with walls that reached the sky, was in actuality a small, six-acre military outpost, unlikely to support many civilians but, as was common, included a prostitute and her family. Most of the “cities” described in the book of Joshua were likely the same. So, like every culture before and after, Israel told its war stories with flourish, using the language and literary conventions that best advanced the agendas of storytellers.

As Peter Enns explained, for the biblical writers, “Writing about the past was never simply about understanding the past for its own sake, but about shaping, molding and creating the past to speak to the present.”

“The Bible looks the way it does,” he concluded, “because God lets his children tell the story.”

You see the children’s fingerprints all over the pages of Scripture, from its origin stories to its deliverance narratives to its tales of land, war, and monarchy.

For example, as the Bible moves from conquest to settlement, we encounter two markedly different accounts of the lives of Kings Saul, David, and Solomon and the friends and enemies who shaped their reigns. The first appears in 1 and 2 Samuel and 1 and 2 Kings. These books include all the unflattering details of kingdom politics, including the account of how King David had a man killed so he could take the man’s wife, Bathsheba, for himself.

On the other hand, 1 and 2 Chronicles omit the story of David and Bathsheba altogether, along with much of the unseemly violence and drama around the transition of power between David and Solomon.

This is because Samuel and Kings were likely written during the Babylonian exile, when the people of Israel were struggling to understand what they had done wrong for God to allow their enemies to overtake them, and 1 and 2 Chronicles were composed much later, after the Jews had returned to the land, eager to pick up the pieces.

While the authors of Samuel and Kings viewed the monarchy as a morality tale to help them understand their present circumstances, the authors of the Chronicles recalled the monarchy with nostalgia, a reminder of their connection to God’s anointed as they sought healing and unity. As a result, you get two noticeably different takes on the very same historic events.

In other words, the authors of Scripture, like the authors of any other work (including this one!), wrote with agendas. They wrote for a specific audience from a specific religious, social, and political context, and thus made creative decisions based on that audience and context.

Of course, this raises some important questions, like: Can war stories be inspired? Can political propaganda be God-breathed? To what degree did the Spirit guide the preservation of these narratives, and is there something sacred to be uncovered beneath all these human fingerprints?

I don’t know the answers to all these questions, but I do know a few things.

The first is that not every character in these violent stories stuck with the script. After Jephthah sacrificed his daughter as a burnt offering in exchange for God’s aid in battle, the young women of Israel engaged in a public act of grief marking the injustice. The text reports, “From this comes the Israelite tradition that each year the young women of Israel go out for four days to commemorate the daughter of Jephthah” (Judges 11:39–40).

While the men moved on to fight another battle, the women stopped to acknowledge that something terrible had happened here, and with what little social and political power they had, they protested—every year for four days. They refused to let the nation forget what it had done in God’s name.

In another story, a woman named Rizpah, one of King Saul’s concubines, suffered the full force of the monarchy’s cruelty when King David agreed to hand over two of her sons to be hanged by the Gibeonites in an effort to settle a long, bloody dispute between the factions believed to be the cause of widespread famine across the land. A sort of biblical Antigone, Rizpah guarded her sons’ bodies from birds and wild beasts for weeks, until at last the rain came and they could be buried. Word of her tragic stand spread across the kingdom and inspired David to pause to grieve the violence his house had wrought (2 Samuel 21).” ...

The point is, if you pay attention to the women, a more complex history of Israel’s conquests emerges. Their stories invite the reader to consider the human cost of violence and patriarchy, and in that sense prove instructive to all who wish to work for a better world. ...

It’s not always clear what we are meant to learn from the Bible’s most troubling stories, but if we simply look away, we learn nothing.

In one of the most moving spiritual exercises of my adult faith, an artist friend and I created a liturgy of lament honoring the victims of the texts of terror. On a chilly December evening, we sat around the coffee table in my living room and lit candles in memory of Hagar, Jephthah’s daughter, the concubine from Judges 19, and Tamar, the daughter of King David who was raped by her half brother. We read their stories, along with poetry and reflections composed by modern-day women who have survived gender-based violence. ...

If the Bible’s texts of terror compel us to face with fresh horror and resolve the ongoing oppression and exploitation of women, then perhaps these stories do not trouble us in vain. Perhaps we can use them for some good.

The second thing I know is that we are not as different from the ancient Israelites as we would like to believe.

“It was a violent and tribal culture,” people like to say of ancient Israel to explain away its actions in Canaan. But, as Joshua Ryan Butler astutely observed, when it comes to civilian casualties, “we tend to hold the ancients to a much higher standard than we hold ourselves.” In the time it took me to write this chapter, nearly one thousand civilians were killed in airstrikes in Iraq and Syria, many of them women and children. The atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki took hundreds of thousands of lives in World War II, and far more civilians died in the Korean War and Vietnam War than American soldiers. Even though America is one of the wealthiest countries in the world, it takes in less than half of 1 percent of the world’s refugees, and drone warfare has left many thousands of families across the Middle East terrorized.

This is not to excuse Israel’s violence, because modern-day violence is also bad, nor is it to trivialize debates over just war theory and US involvement in various historical conflicts, which are complex issues far beyond the scope of this book. Rather, it ought to challenge us to engage the Bible’s war stories with a bit more humility and introspection, willing to channel some of our horror over atrocities past into questioning elements of the war machines that still roll on today.

Finally, the last thing I know is this: If the God of the Bible is true, and if God became flesh and blood in the person of Jesus Christ, and if Jesus Christ is—as theologian Greg Boyd put it—“the revelation that culminates and supersedes all others,” then God would rather die by violence than commit it.

The cross makes this plain. On the cross, Christ not only bore the brunt of human cruelty and bloodlust and fear, he remained faithful to the nonviolence he taught and modeled throughout his ministry. Boyd called it “the Crucifixion of the Warrior God,” and in a two-volume work by that name asserted that “on the cross, the diabolic violent warrior god we have all-too-frequently pledged allegiance to has been forever repudiated.” On the cross, Jesus chose to align himself with victims of suffering rather than the inflictors of it.

At the heart of the doctrine of the incarnation is the stunning claim that Jesus is what God is like. “No one has ever seen God,” declared John in his gospel, “but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known” (John 1:18, emphasis added). ...So to whatever extent God owes us an explanation for the Bible’s war stories, Jesus is that explanation. And Christ the King won his kingdom without war.

Jesus turned the war story on its head. Instead of being born to nobility, he was born in a manger, to an oppressed people in occupied territory. Instead of charging into Jerusalem on a warhorse, he arrived on a lumbering donkey. Instead of rallying troops for battle, he washed his disciples’ feet. According to the apostle Paul, these are the tales followers of Jesus should be telling—with our words, with our art, and with our lives.

Of course, this still leaves us to grapple with the competing biblical portraits of God as the instigator of violence and God as the repudiator of violence.

Boyd argued that God serves as a sort of “heavenly missionary” who temporarily accommodates the brutal practices and beliefs of various cultures without condoning them in order to gradually influence God’s people toward justice. Insofar as any divine portrait reflects a character at odds with the cross, he said, it must be considered accommodation. It’s an interesting theory, though I confess I’m only halfway through Boyd’s 1,492 pages, so I’ve yet to fully consider it. (I know I can’t read my way out of this dilemma, but that won’t keep me from trying.)

The truth is, I’ve yet to find an explanation for the Bible’s war stories that I find completely satisfying. If we view this through Occam’s razor and choose the simplest solution to the problem, we might conclude that the ancient Israelites invented a deity to justify their conquests and keep their people in line. As such, then, the Bible isn’t a holy book with human fingerprints; it’s an entirely human construction, responsible for more vice than virtue.

There are days when that’s what I believe, days when I mumble through the hymns and creeds at church because I’m not convinced they say anything true. And then there are days when the Bible pulls me back with a numinous force I can only regard as divine, days when Hagar and Deborah and Rahab reach out from the page, grab me by the face, and say, “Pay attention. This is for you.”

I’m in no rush to patch up these questions. God save me from the day when stories of violence, rape, and ethnic cleansing inspire within me anything other than revulsion. I don’t want to become a person who is unbothered by these texts, and if Jesus is who he says he is, then I don’t think he wants me to be either.

There are parts of the Bible that inspire, parts that perplex, and parts that leave you with an open wound. I’m still wrestling, and like Jacob, I will wrestle until I am blessed. God hasn’t let go of me yet.

War is a dreadful and storied part of the human experience, and Scripture captures many shades of it—from the chest-thumping of the victors to the anguished cries of victims. There is ammunition there for those seeking religious justification for violence, and solidarity for all the mothers like Rizpah who just want an end to it.

For those of us who prefer to keep the realities of war at a safe, sanitized distance, and who enjoy the luxury of that choice, the Bible’s war stories force a confrontation with the darkness.

Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

#joshua #biblical interpretation #texts of terror #rachel held evans #inspired #wrestling god #reading and studying the bible #bible tag #long post #quote tag

[ninebluehearts]

Scars Under the Stars

A/n: A special fic requested by @sn1peraj !!💗 I hope this is what you were picturing 💗

Warnings: Angst: hurt comfort. Mentions of Sarah's death. Panic attacks.

Summary: Walking home from Ellie's, you find out about Joel's panic attacks.

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It was late by the time you and Joel had left Ellie's little home, which was only a five-minute walk from you and Joel's house. You decided to come along and watch Ellie's guitar lesson tonight since you hadn't really seen her since you all arrived at Tommy's. She was busy finally socializing with people her own age, and you and Joel were still working on relearning how to relax for the first time in twenty years.

You stared up at the stars on your way back, your arm firmly intertwined with Joel's. "You're right. She is getting better."

"Ain't she? Personally, I think she'd do better with a bass, but she's making it work."

"Why do you say that?" You leaned your head against his shoulder, looking up at him as he spoke.

Joel cleared his throat. "Well, with the way her hands are shap-" But before he could finish, a dry, harsh cough forced itself out of him, bringing along five more back-to-back, until Joel was doubled over, gasping for air.

"Holy shit Joel, what's wrong?" You asked, gently rubbing comforting circles on his back.

"I'm fine." Joel muttered; his eyes screwed shut as he tried and failed to catch his breath.

"No, you're not. Come here." You guided him over to a random porch step, helping him sit down on the damp wood. "Hey, look at me, okay? Breathe with me." You held Joel's hands in yours, maintaining eye contact with him as you took deep, even breaths.

It wasn't long before Joel could finally breathe normally again, though you were still worried. "What was that, Joel? And don't say you're fine, because we both know you're not."

Joel let out a defeated sigh, focusing on tracing the lines on your palm with his finger. "I don't know. I just get these little moments where I can't breathe and my vision starts to go out, ya know? Like I'm gonna pass out or something."

"What do you think about in those moments?"

"How I can't breathe really." Joel swallowed around the lump in his throat, taking another deep breath. "Or um, how she- what she.." And just like that, Joel finally broke down. Twenty years of suppressing his feelings with booze and pills finally caught up with him, breaking him down until there was nothing left.

"Oh, Honey.." You wrapped your arms around him as tight as you could, holding him as close as possible. You knew there was nothing you could say to make him feel better, but because he felt like he was falling apart, maybe holding him tight would make him feel like he was together again. At least for a moment.

A few moments later, when the worst of it was over, Joel began to stare off into space, as though he were distancing himself from reality "What if Sarah felt like that when she died?" He whispered, another tear slowly slipping down the curve of his nose as he closed his eyes.

That's where this was coming from; it all made sense now. Tommy had told you that he was concerned about Joel a couple of months ago, giving you a brief summary of how Joel thought he was failing Ellie as he felt he did Sarah, but you never thought it was this bad.

"No baby, I'm sure she didn't."

"How do you know? You weren't there. You didn't see the way she gasped for air. You didn't see how hard her little lungs fought-" He sobbed out, his hand flying to cover his mouth. He pulled himself out of your embrace, angerly wiping the tears from his face. "Fuck! Why does it still hurt?! It's been twenty fuckin' years!" He yelled, his entire body trembling from the waves of emotions that just kept crashing into him.

You tried to gently shush him, noticing the lights turning on in some of the surrounding houses. "I know it hurts. It's never going to stop hurting, baby. Ever." You walked over and held his face in your hands, gently wiping away his fresh tears with your thumb. "But maybe it's not so bad. Maybe the pain reminds you to look at it- to remind you of just how much you love her. The pain is always gonna be there, yes, but it'll get easier over time, I promise."

Joel just shook his head, tired and defeated. "I know. I know it's gonna get worse before it gets better and all that bullshit. Doesn't make it hurt any less from where I'm standing."

You pulled him into another tight hug, tearing up when you felt him melt into your embrace this time, his arms wrapping around your waist to hold you just as tight. You hated seeing him like this, knowing there was nothing you could do to make it one hundred percent better. But the best thing you could do for him right now, in this moment, is be there.

You stayed like that for a long time, the two of you gently swaying as you held one another. And when you did finally start walking home again, you couldn't help but notice that Joel walked a little bit straighter now. As though he finally left behind a little bit of that weight he constantly carried on his shoulders. It was going to take a lot of work, but maybe, just maybe someday he'll be able to lose it all.

#💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙thoughts #thanks for the request! #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel the last of us #joel miller angst #joel's panic attacks #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #hbo the last of us #tlou fanfiction #tlou #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie miller #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #angst #tlou hurt/comfort

[kaydenverse]

a/n: ohmygod the ghost blurb did numbers im happy eee! thank you so much!! here’s something else i just thought of, i tried a new format style I’m trying to get back into relearning how to use tumblr again (and get back into the swing of writing it’s been… a minute) do give me a sec to figure it out lmaO also send requests or your headcanons on task force 141 if you’d like!

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ghost going non-verbal after really intense missions and gets a little clingy with soap during this time.

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the first time ghost did this, soap is a tad confused but he doesn’t question it. he’s pretty quick to catch onto the things that ghosts needs or wants during this time.

ghost trusts soap the most during this vulnerable time period. not that he doesn’t trust the rest of the task force when he’s non-verbal, it’s just that soap gets it ya know?

ghost silently following soap around once the two get back on base as they strip off their tactical gear and head to debrief.

soap will ask ghost a question and when ghost doesn’t respond, soap just smiles a little, pats his friend’s (they are more than friends but don’t realize it yet) shoulder, and mutters. “tas alright, take as long as you need.”

it makes ghost just a little (a lot) giddy. he feels safe and understood.

anything ghost needs to say, soap has this talent of just knowing before ghost even attempts to write it down somewhere.

“anything to add, ghost?” price turns towards the masked man.

ghost simply looks at the scottish man sitting next to him as he drums his gloved fingers on the arm of his chair.

soap barely looks out of the corner of his eye before he snorts, his lips tugging up into a smile, and says “he said can we please wrap this bloody meeting up, he’s tired.” ghost nods in agreement and price just stares at the two, baffled while gaz barks out a laugh.

“i’d have to agree with him.” soap grins

depending on how intense the mission was, ghost can be silent for a few hours or sometimes a few days but soap still remains patient and helps ghost whenever he can.

sometimes ghost will even stay with soap on their days off after missions at soap’s house and that leads to ghost flying through soaps sticky notes until he’s verbal again.

soap spends an abnormal amount on sticky notes for this reason. he even goes out of his way to get a few nice pens for him.

ghost doesn’t know but soap keeps a lot of the sticky notes and pieces of paper that have ghost’s shitty handwriting sprawled across them. soap’s favorite one says “fuck you.” with a little heart drawn next to the words.

when ghost speaks again, soap is always caught off guard. ghost finds this incredibly amusing.

soap stands in his kitchen, humming softly to himself as he flips the grilled cheese he’s making for himself. well, he already made himself that sits on a nearby plate. this one was for ghost who had walked into the living room where soap was, reached over the back of the couch, and slapped a sticky note that read “i’m hungry” onto the shorter man’s forehead before leaving the room immediately after.

“you’re out of laundry detergent.” a deep british voice speaks and soap’s soul nearly leaves his body as he says various swears in his heavy scottish accent.

“for fuck’s sake, simon! make yourself known when you enter a room!” soap whips around to find ghost standing at the counter with his hands shoved in his sweatpants pockets.

it’s been about two days since soap had last heard the man speak. soap buries the thought of having missed his teammates voice before it has the chance to fluster him but he can’t stop his warm smile in time.

ghost shrugs and soap catches the amusement in the other man’s eyes through the mask.

“you just need to just be more aware, sergeant.”

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MY BOYS, MY PRECIOUS BOOYYSS

#they’re so fucking gay and cute #they’re taking up every ounce of my mind rn #ghostsoap #soapghost #ghoap #?? have we picked a solid one ?? #i like ghostsoap #call of duty mwii #call of duty mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #john soap mactavish #soap #soap mactavish #task force 141 #cod #ghost #johnny soap mactavish #johnny mactavish