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lorisystem · 8 months

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Sorry about to be negative but need vent

So i had a rlly difficult day and tbh this probably doesnt help but these thoughts i have them all the time its a constant opinion and not just a negative spiral. Although right now feeling this a lot and affecting me more than usual

Anyway like i got back from paid leave last week and my job is like rlly demanding. Im gonna say for me because my threshold for difficult is really low. But yea its just the workload is fairly heavy, theres a lot of pressure, and theres a lot of drama etc. To be fair my neurotypical coworkers are also struggling etc.

But anyway one of the things about paid leave is that when you are able to be off for enough days in a row (like 3 weeks in my case) it really feels like. I was fine during paid leave enjoying my little life doing whatever i wanted being paid etc. You go back to work and its like. Why am i subjecting myself to this. Why. Whats the point. It doesnt even matter. Do i have to even? Why did we all decide to just be doing this. So whatever but thats one thing going on etc

Idkkkk if its like. Haha seasonal or what but im having slightly more suicidal ideation than usual. Like this is not worrying at all like im not in danger or anything. Disclaimer i wont do anything etc. And im saying this completely deadpan non emotionally- Buttt like to give an idea even at my happiest / euphoric i always think of dying as a good thing. I rlly have a hard time finding anything worth it. Literally best i can do is "yeah for this reason i can endure until i die of natural/accidental causes but rlly glad that it does end at some point". So thats my baseline i live like this and most of the time im fine cause like, my number one priority in life is to avoid whatever causes me suffering and stress and like the thing about suicide is that non violent methods are inaccessible to me which i think is unethical but thats my own issue lol. So basically as long as my life is less painful than suicide im at no risk of dying and i do my best to minimize suffering, doing fine on that, so everything is fine. Alright

But like anyway i was thinking that my number one problem in life currently and idk how to solve it its impossible right?

Is like. I want to live a life where i can be myself/not mask. That is to say be authentically who i am speak like i think act like i think dress how i want use the pronouns i use etc (im talking about displaying asd traits, dressing weird, being trans, ace, polyam queer etc) like just harmless things that are my core personality and defining traits right. AND be respected as a human being.

That is to say like id like to go outside and participate in society sometimes without having to pretend to be "normal" and also at the same time to not get weird looks, not get nasty looks, not get catcalled, not get harassed, not get commented upon, not get someone coming up to me to comment on my outfit or be mean to me, not get someone feeling entitled to treat me as subhuman, not stalked, not at fear of being assaulted, not get rumors spread about me, not followed around, not preyed upon etc etc just for existing <3 bc i dare to look abnormal and vulnerable ppl notice and think im not human.

Ive had all those happen to me and thankfully nothing too bad either like it happens to some ppl so i will display a certain amount of disgusting gratefulness bc of course i have some privilege so there is obviously way worse than me. Somehow still enough to make me traumatized and agoraphobic!

I just want to exist and that its ok and that ppl dont wonder if thats ok if they should take advantage of me or try to help and correct whatever is wrong with me.

And that is too much to ask! Its literally too much to ask.

We live in a world where we cant expect especially marginalized ppl, to be respected. To exist outside or in public etc and just not get someone to make us understand thats somth is wrong with us.

I have to pretend to be normal, all this effort so at the end of the day not only am i dead inside but also i still know ppl think theres still somth off about me.

So anyway this is my pipe dream and the reason ill never think anything is good or worth it. Is there in the world a happy place like this? I think about it all the time, where is the land i can be happy and ppl act normal to me.

Anyway a dream ive had is to save up and buy a house on a mortgage and like. I have a good salary at the moment for a single person, its pretty good. But my spouse is struggling to find a job and anything resembling takes a lot of energy from them so idk if its viable long term even and on my salary alone thats impossible. So idk. And like thats fine but its sad cause my spouse is rlly depressed about it etc.... capitalism does this to us.. yk how it is..

Im thinking maybe i should just attempt to start a thing to get disability aid or somth which is. The amount is basically only the minimum to live for one person if you leave in a shoebox and have no expense. So like the quality of life for myself and my spouse would seriously decrease in terms of living space and other nice things so like meh. But most importantly id have to get reevaluated every few years etc at risk of losing it if i stop qualifying it. Which can reasonably happen even if the doctor i have changes and they decide no longer disabled or someth even. That is if i even get it cause like i am actually capable at least for now to work full time in the way i do. Sucks the whole time, but capable. So idk what to do. Maybe i reduce my time of work. Idk. The fear of losing the disability is rlly too much for me too like. I have no financial support if that happens i cant count on my family at all for anything. Im too scared/traumatized by poverty to not have stability.

Honestly i think its just this forever then? Ig i should make another therapy appointment but last time my therapist said something that set me off and now i dont wanna go again its so dumb cause i rlly like her and been w her for like. Idk almost 2 years now. And she just said one thing which i think even she meant nothing by it and now im just like. I rlly hate that its happening i just feel the ick.

I was telling this to my spouse too like when you repress your emotions so much all the time you stop feeling sadness or anger etc you just feel the ick. Like profoundly uncomfortable with no words to put on it rlly

So thats going on for me ♡ sorry for being negative though just going through my mind but ill be ok etc

#lorisys #idk who iam rn chimera blend 24 7 honestlee #super long negative vent on readmore read only at your risks and perils be advised etc etc not tagging

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

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What type of kids do you think the ikevamp guys would be if they went to high school?

Oh boy HERE WE GO

(Under a cut bc this post is a Long Boi^TM)

Napoleon. Would prbly be that kid that’s like somehow bafflingly in the top ten of his class but nobody ever sees him??? Like he’s always late to school or napping in the quietest places on campus (they found him in a locker once and the school was laughing about it for WEEKS bc he insisted he was just chillin, and it wasn’t like a bullying incident he just wanted to sleep LMAO). Surprisingly amiable? A lot of people are afraid of him at first but he’s just so casual and direct, he gains quite a few friends (and a good number of girls have a crush on him--he always diverts the attention of skeevy guys). Good friends with Jeanne because they fence together a lot, and people are always baffled at how easily they chat

Mozart. Where do I begin. Number one in his class, perfectionist prick. That one kid that’s a known prodigy and that everyone hates for his impeccable grades and musical talent. Always gets the solos and conducting roles in the school performances. He knows how to play a crowd--will always be sweet and cherubic in front of teachers. But when it’s just the students? All gloves are off. Frigid and incendiary, will not take any shit and will tear you apart with words in milliseconds. Do not cross. He will end your entire life and self-esteem, it’s not worth it. Has a few friends, and they often experience the disdain of jealous students--but they’re all steadfast about defending him. And Mozart will not tolerate it if people are mistreating his friends, he’s an iron wall of defense; to be his friend means to always have someone looking out for you, make no mistake. He and Jeanne often grab food together after practice and ask about each others day, they hella close but never really show it while school’s on--their class schedules are worlds apart bc of their grades, and at lunch they’re usually practicing/doing hw. When they hug it out at graduation and pat each other on the back everyone nearly falls the fuck out of their chair LMFAO

Leonardo. That kid that 100% could probably be in the top fifty of his class but just can’t be bothered to give a damn. Always argues points with his teachers and plays devil’s advocate until they are inches from exploding at him. Always the one to mercifully make class feel shorter with his absolute distraction-heavy shitfuckery (and sometimes you really learn something because of his line of thinking). He's a dumbass but like harmless, essentially. Used to be the perfect student^TM and then decided the system was bullshit and he wanted no part of it, thinks public education can kiss his ass. Nobody knows it since he asks people not to talk about it, but he tutors kids after school for hours--has brought kids from Ds to Bs. He always dodges nosy people, never goes to parties, and finds ways to intervene around kids that are struggling with smth (with ninja stealth of course). Despite how easily he laughs and chats with just about anyone, he’s...actually surprisingly v much a lone wolf. Only ever consistently hangs out with the heartthrob rich kid, but nobody understands why???? And they’re always roasting each other wtf, are they even friends????

Comte. Pretty boy genius, always in the top five of his class though doesn’t seem too worried about it or obsessed with rank as students often are. It’s more that his parents have high expectations for his future as their heir, so he tends to fall in line with it. Born into money but somehow....not an asshole??? He doesn’t really like showing off, tries to be quiet about his accomplishments but his parents won’t really allow it--and he’s the star of the soccer team so it can be hard to hide. Most often the one at a party trying to help people sober up (always designated driver) or hearing his friends out when they have a problem. Has never publicly tried to bust heads, but some of the guys in the school insist he’s got a dark side--probably because he threatened them (passive aggressively) within an inch of their lives for being disgusting to girls. But nobody believes them bc...I mean look at him, does that look like a threat?? He just bought that kid’s lunch for christ’s sake. TONS of girls ask him out and confess their feelings, and he always lets them down as gently as he can--conceivably doesn’t like anyone himself, as far as the student body knows. Like Leonardo he’s v amiable, but also manages to reveal nothing personal while getting close. Leonardo’s the only one that’s managed to scratch the surface, and the kid won’t leave him alone for some godforsaken reason. And yet, he seems to enjoy their minutes of banter more than the hours of time spent with “friends”

Arthur. Oh boy. Good lord. Well. He used to be a sweetheart that would always seek out the mousier students and bring them into discussion/involve them on the playground. But alas, Teenage Jadedness^TM hit him like a train and now he’s an incorrigible flirt and believes no single person can be good deep down (somebody get this bitch some eyeliner). Believes the world will always be a cruel and unfeeling place where victims are never heard, so he just kind of goes full skeptical and bitter (think Sylvain for those of you that are FE fans). Has fun with every girl he sees (usually dating several girls at once) and doesn’t much care for his grades, but somehow has perfect scores in English?? He insists it’s because he needs to keep his seduction game on par with the voices of older legends before him, but some of the girls that see him in the library from time to time--v serious--are struck by how attractive he is in such deep focus, entirely uncharacteristic of his nosy and boisterous behavior in the halls (can often be seen whirling around Isaac like a bird of prey while our little baby robin Isaac stiffly tries to get away from him, and Dazai often joins to make things even more chaotic bc why not? In reality they just love this feisty kid that never gives up on what’s right, even though they’ve both given up trying themselves)

Dazai. He’s one of those kids that like does weed regularly but is also like...alarmingly insightful?? Like those kids I was always told to avoid, but now and again I would have conversations with out of necessity and was just...kinda shook. I mean granted he’s a little weird but he’s fairly harmless?? He’s like a class clown but on a massive scale--there’s nobody in the place that doesn’t know who he is, that haven’t heard tales of his exploits (he always comes in through the windows and gets detention for it a lot, and he even brought a chicken with him to school once????) nobody gets what he’s doing at any moment (don’t even know if he does really, chaotic mofo) and honestly nobody wants to know they just do the side eye meme when he appears or laughs. The teachers lament his untapped potential or just hate him for making their lives an even bigger headache than usual, and his grades are...yeah let’s not look at those. Organized the senior prank with absolute GLEE, and it was talked about for ages after he was gone--an inspiration chaotic bastards everywhere

Theodorus. (I hate.......that I pictured him in those like Vineyard Vine white boy clothes.......for the record its mostly bc his parents force him to wear them). All business. This kid doesn’t have time for your bullshit, will absolutely walk away if you’re boring him or seeking social clout. Popular because he’s hot and has a mean streak a mile wide, all the girls that didn’t like Mozart for being ethereal and effeminate boomeranged to find Theo ready to fulfill their hopes and dreams. They only grow more feral when rumors of him actually being fairly nice one on one--and telling creeps to fuck off of vulnerable girls at parties--start to circulate. (If he isn’t with Vincent, Arthur is probably near. Nobody understands how the two are brothers????) Van Gogh name apparently is just “I can be your angel or i can be your devil” and no one understands how... Grades are average and he’s plenty capable, most of his time is spent working after school because his parents refuse to provide Vincent with any artistic materials (canvas, paints, etc). They ask him to go to parties more, but he only goes to piss his parents off (he’s v lowkey punk and it’s understandably sexy of him). Will literally only listen to Vincent, and got in a looooot of trouble after getting into a fistfight with Shakespeare. Only stopped because his parents blamed Vincent for the incident, and Vincent apologized and went quiet for days ;-;

Vincent. Always been quiet and shy, but he doesn’t dislike ppl--he just has a hard time speaking up now and again. His parents always talk over him and tell him nothing he has to say has any real value, so he tends to struggle with a lot of self-doubt. Not isolated because he’s not likeable, it’s more because people tend to take advantage of his mild and earnest nature--until Theo runs them off. He’s on amiable terms with most people but has no real, true friends and it makes him feel lonely a lot. Mostly copes with the emotional turmoil by painting as much as he can. His grades are average, he does reliably well but can often be found daydreaming or distracted. Theo tends to escort him everywhere because of his propensity to attract danger (namely Shakespeare) or walk into things cuz he’s in his head a lot. A few of the artsier girls and the quiet academic girls have HUGE crushes on him (he’s softspoken, sweet, and calm; come on now), but he’s so distant--and honestly nice to everyone in equal measure--that they don’t have much hope of it coming to fruition. This kid deadass doesn’t think a single girl would ever like him that way so he’s just c:???????? when Theo talks about “those nosy harpies coming after my brother”

Jeanne. EDGY MCEDGE. Isn’t amazing in the academic department, but he’s a killer fencer--the rallying cry of the entire team. He became leader his sophomore year and he’s pretty much the only reason they keep destroying at tournaments throughout the year. Despite the pervasive interest in him he intimidates most people away with his swift intensity and ironclad stoicism. Silent as a grave and very still, people are convinced he’s the Grim Reaper reincarnated (listen he’s juST A DUTIFUL BABIE N O). If he isn’t fencing or practicing, Isaac often offers him help in the library after school hours in one of the study rooms (can’t be seen who’s inside from the outside). The two develop a kind of uncanny bond; they’re both so...bad at human-ing that they find a lot of comfort in the atmosphere they create. There’s none of the bullshit grandstanding or clout obsession, just them genuinely trying to help each other (yes Jeanne absolutely teaches Isaac self-defense moves in order to crush the kids that pick on him, and Jeanne often either glares or outright threatens those students when Isaac isn’t looking). Only ever smiles or feels understood when he’s hanging out with Mozart, so he cherishes the time Mozart offers him to hang (he knows the kid is busy up to his eyeballs and under a ton of pressure by comparison, his parents don’t care much as long as they can brag about his fencing records)

Isaac. Mega nerd that just...does not know how to interact. Only understands math and DESTROYS in competitive math club, but otherwise is always alone at lunch or just in the library. A little bean pole because he doesn’t look after himself very well (neglects to eat a lot) and can sometimes be found asleep on his books. If approached he will be very thorny, doesn’t have any friends to speak of and trusts everyone about as far as he can throw them. Yells at Arthur and Dazai a lot when they flock around him, and has gotten into his fair share of fights. Never starts fights, but will finish them. People are surprised he can hold his own, and he comes away with blood that ain’t his. There are a few girls that are curious about him, but its mostly the ones that have seen his awkward thoughtfulness in club--or the girls that are sick of the assholes and appreciate how stalwart he is. He really just wants to be left in peace (his parents never show up to his meets or when he wins academic awards, and the few teachers that notice are pretty concerned abt his reactivity and complete lack of social savvy...) Leonardo always helps him sneak in at night to look at the stars on the school roof

Shakespeare is p much the like “kid most anticipated to be in jail as soon as they’re out of high school” He just. Has that like...serial killer vibe??? Idk if I’m explaining this well but he was that guy that would always cling to genuinely compassionate girls just trying to be nice like a LEECH, and would never fucking shut up if he did or didn’t get attention. You just can't win with this kid. Probably wanted to kill the kids that made fun of him or at the very least wanted to lash out against the confident/popular/nice kids. Only liked you if he didn’t deem you a threat, or if you didn’t make him insecure, or if you tolerated him (aka Vincent. Vincent PLEASE stop trying to reach out to dangerous ppl....I love you too much to watch this shit...) He admitted as much to Theo and the kid went livid with rage and pummeled him into the ground, though most of the rest of the student body doesn’t know quite what happened. (Theo refuses to explain to anyone, and just walks away if asked). Shakespeare will just change the subject endlessly and make passive aggressive threats until the person leaves if they try to bring it up. The only time the entire class has EVER seen Leonardo mad is when Shakespeare kept tailing this girl that wanted no part of him

Sebastian. Nerdy like Isaac, but is more of the silent observer type. Like Theo, doesn't want any part of the bullshit but won't be as blunt or outspoken about it, he's only open about it if pressed or pissed off. Doesn't have much patience for the clique-driven nature of high school and tends to take an interest in the people who stand out beyond the mind-numbing drama. Also is in the top fifty but studies like a lunatic, and can often be seen asking Comte for tips now and again. Has tried talking to Mozart and admires his talents, but Mozart gives a cold shoulder that would put Antarctica to shame. (Leonardo tries to ninja him into taking breaks but never succeeds). Has a great deal of disdain for the troublemakers (Arthur and Dazai) but doesn't intervene, just watches shit go down and sighs. Probably the most normal(?) one of the bunch, just does his best and keeps his head down

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redxblueihateloveyou · 4 years

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What would you say are Rin and Haru's biggest flaws, individually?

Hmmm... I think when it comes to Haru, it’s firstly his stubborness, like he’s one of those people who would rather go broke, than budge from their life principles, which is not necessarily bad in my opinion, but it’s just very impractical and sometimes can lead to, well.. season 2 kind of thing, when you know... you gotta think about your future and realize that in reality you can’t be “fully free” in life, or like how you gonna pay the bills haha (like I skipped school a lot like him too, but this kind of thing doesn’t really matter if you can pass anyway, cause you smart without them and like reading, but after school you still gotta do smth, and even tho I undestand the whole “turning smth I adore into profession can make me hate it” dilemma, there’s still ways of figuring out how to go around it, which thanks to Rin he did, so it’s all ok).

But that was like s1-2 Haru’s problem, now he’s completely changed and grew up so nicely and behaves like an adult and does everything he needs to do, once he realized what his dream is, plus he didn’t even faulter after the Albert thing and I was so proud of him, I just didn’t expect such radical growth tbh, so it’s getting harder to find the flaws in him lol

The second one (and that once again not now!Haru related), but it’s been mentioned in the books too is his unwillingness to accept help. He’s like a real tough cookie, when it comes to this. Like the only two people who can make him do it and whom he allows to are Rin and Nagisa. And that's mainly because they manage to do it in a way that doesn’t hurt his dignity, I think. Cause like with Makoto for example, Haru stated that every time he tries to help him, he does it in a way, that makes him feel pathetic and weak, like Makoto is pitying him. And I don’t know if anybody ever experienced this, but when you feel like someone pities you, normal people’s pride just won’t allow to accept any help like this, and when it comes to ppl like Haru (and coming from a person like this xD), he’d rather die somewhere in a dumpster, than accept it haha. Which leads to situations like “I’ll let all Makoto’s mom food rot in the fridge, but won’t touch it, even if I starve and pass out.. cause I have my own rice, you bitch” haha

And I know it’s kinda a bad trait to have maybe, but I understand it. Plus it’s really mostly past Haru related, I mean, after the last movie, when they released a scene, when Haru himself went to ask Ryuuji to train him (well, in his own savage way, ofc and disrespectfully in the middle of the night haha, but still), I kinda think he’s dealing with this real good and gonna be okay. But in case something too drastic happens, everyone knows they should call Rin lmao, but now it’s okay, since he’s gonna be always near us anyways:)

Rin... well, his biggest problem in my opinion is the fact that he’s complitely oblivious when it comes to reading people’s feelings. And I mean, most might think that’s it no biggy and just a cool trick to have, but no needed in general, but to be honest it can really help you in life, and in Rin’s case, literally half of his problems wouldn’t even be there in the first place.

I know, it’s very ironic, since he’s obsessed with watching melodramas and it’s really funny in moments, like when he thinks Gou is into Momo or smth like that... like him being clueless about other ppl is pretty harmless. But when it comes to his personal love life it’s just, it gets sad and just absurd. Like okay, he didn’t get that Haru didn’t want to let him go and that he was heartbroken seeing him cry (although since when Haru runs after people, and physically refuses to let them go idk), but he also apparently thought that Haru asking him to call him was just him being polite... and even after everything was resolved and Haru dropped the new team and everything, just to say that without him he doesn’t even need swimming, and after knowing that Haru wasn’t even swimming all these years... he still didn’t get what it was about. And let me just remind you, that he returned home on each holiday with a thought that Haru didn’t want to see him and when Gou said that it killed me, it seriously killed me!

He wants to call Haru, but then he doesn’t, cause “what if he disturbs him”... when Haru literally said to his face that he can’t wait to see him again, when they went to their sakura date, when Haru was all “pls come back soon”... but nah, Rin’s brain still went “he doesn’t want to hear you, let me pine here”.

He fucking thought that Haru called him and ran to him in the middle of the night... because he was intersted in Gou. I’m... shoot me, pls.

I literally know only two fictional characters who were oblivious to this extent. And the other one had to die, reincarnate, and be on the verge of dying again to realise this and only after he was told openly by another person “bitch ya blind”, so I honestly do not know how do we deal with this here lmao

The second one (and that once again mostly about past Rin and I think it’s fine in that age)... he was a drama queen, he’s like “I quit!!!!!!!!” and he throws his goggles and he kicks the trash bins and squeezes and throws cans around, but we all know that he just needs to calm down a bit and he’s gonna keep going xD And that’s perfectly fine, I mean, I have such days, too, but the problem is that many people around him actually take his words seriously, so like, idk... I get it, everyone gets emotional, but maybe be careful about throwing words like “I never have to swim with you ever again” out there, some things are hard to forget, even when they’re said in the heat of the moment. Like, did you ever like say smth in the middle of the fight that you didn’t mean, but just cause you knew it would hurt the other? This is like very common, but still wouldn’t recommend xD And it applies to both of them actually, like Mr.”What dream? What future?” is no better haha, although Rin still wins the crown, cause in s1 he was offended by literally everyone, and he was like little Godzilla all cause he thought Haru didn’t want him back lmao. Which really leads us back to his first and only problem:D

P.S. Their biggest flaws tbh were just like a normal part of growing up thing in my opinion. I just feel like they were both extra in their own kind of ways back then, but now... looking at them now, the way they talk, the way they behave.. I mean, they grew up so nicely and their characters progressed so nicely, that I don’t even know what flaws they have now.. well, except for Rin still not getting anything, when it comes to Haru’s feelings. He was like “you’re the one for me” and Haru went “same” and Rin went “hahaha well, okay, we must not say that, do you want me to show you how to put your seat down?” and then he fell asleep... yeah #EXTREMELYSLOWBURN #YOUMIGHTDIEWATCHINGTHEMBUTITSOKAY #TOTALLYWORTHIT

I’m just literally waiting for them in 2021 to have a scene from the memes:

Person A: I love you.

Person B *is heartbroken*: Who is You? Do I even know him?

Person A *points at B*: No. You. I’m in love with you.

Person B *turns around to see that there’s no one behind him and starts crying* Well, of course you’d love this beautiful piece of air, before you loved me.

Person A: Jesus fucking christ on a pogo stick...

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #rin matsuoka #nanase haruka #Free!#harurin #I do not know #I think i love them like this #i have perfect #they're my perfect imperfections xD #free #anime #sharkbait

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delicrieux · 4 years

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Hello! May I have a one-shot with Kylo being injured and reader, who is part of the resistance, finds him and takes care of him? Thanks!

idk how this turned out to be 5k words but WHEW i mean if ppl want me to continue it im down so send in sum request of wat u think should happen!! xoxo gossip girl

requests are open! | masterlist | part 2.

Fear. The kind that makes it hard to breathe as if you are kept underwater; the kind that makes your muscles clench and freeze as all senses flow out one by one. Today had been almost too typical — you woke up, you trained, you talked to your comrades and learned battle strategy — and you were certain your evening walk would be just as uneventful. The breeze in your hair was playful; the setting sun provided warm light and set your surroundings in a pleasant, rosy glow. You like the fresh air; you like exploring; you like the freedom that comes with being alone in wilderness. And in turn, it serves as a reminder for why you are fighting in the first place. To preserve this peace, this freedom, that now has been tarnished when you stumble upon a body.

For a heartbeat you think he’s dead — his expression is lifeless and his face, pale as first snow, is bruised, covered in soot and dried blood. Willing your legs to move, you approach cautiously, not breathing, afraid to break the shrill, sudden silence — no birdsong, no wails of wind passing through trees… nothing. Life had, at that moment, stilled completely. But as you draw closer, grass crunching under your feet softly, you intake a breath of both relief and surprise. Dark locks of hair spray on his forehead and obscure the minuscule knit of his brows, his trembling lashes. He’s alive. The thought consumes you and you fall to your knees, skidding beside him, pushing his hair from his face and landing your palm on his forehead.

It’s awfully cold. Chilling. Almost biting at your sensitive flesh, urging you to pull away. It rolls in waves, this sudden cold, sudden sickness, as if it is a virus that spreads and you have caught it with this minimal contact. But you don’t pull away, despite the near overwhelming urge to do so, despite the fear returning with a new blow. Instead you glide your fingers down his jaw and press on his neck, breaking into a small, crooked smile once you feel a slow drum against them. He is alive, but barely. You glance about him, looking around the area. Nothing out the ordinary, no branches broken, no bushes disturbed and no trails left on the grass. How he got here is a mystery that will have to be solved a different time.

You hope he will tell you once he wakes up, if he even wakes up at all.

That, and, his name, too.

Your base is small and tugged away in a dense jungle, the tall trees and heat warding from unwanted visitors — the First Order. The compartments are small; there are barely above a few dozen people here; it serves more as a safe haven for lost wanderers looking for a cause or shelter, or a backup base in case others were destroyed and the rebels had nowhere to go. It is far away enough from war. Everyone here is, to some extent, safe.

You had never been on the front lines. You had never faced a Storm Trooper, had never seen the Force at work — if there even is such a thing, speculations speculations, nothing consistent, merely gossip — and you had never seen a dead body. Perhaps that is why you froze up so terribly at the sight of him. Perhaps that’s why you felt as if a void opened within you, swallowing up the last shred of light, of life, and leaving you hollow.

You should get used to the sight, though. There will be many dead in battle.

He’s the only one occupying a bed in the Medical Wing and he hasn’t woken up for two days now. His vitals are stable — no internal bleeding, no disease detected, nothing out of place as it seemed. But he is lost in deep sleep, constantly dreaming about something that made him tremble and muss and toss and turn, but never wake. It is entirely bizarre how his state is simply there, caused by no injury, no blow, nothing. And the more you take care of him… the more questions you get.

You eat in the cafeteria, a vast enough, pale walled space occupied by few people during lunch time. Next to you sits a blue eyed, blonde haired cherubic woman – she serves as the doctor, the only doctor here. She smiles lightly at you when you catch her gaze. You had always wondered why her name is Vendetta.

The amount of denizens is small here, so small in fact that the only ones serving under this branch is a rag tag team of scavengers, travelers, nobodies that had abandoned their old lives to fight in this war. Rebels, quite literally, with a cause. Many have taken new names. Vendetta, too, had a name before this, a life, a different purpose. Though her odd choice leads you to believe that what ever had happened to drive her here was painful and severe, deserving justice. In front of you sits a tall, bony, brown haired, brow eyed mechanic with a scar running down half of their face – Q. And beside them, July – you had never seen him smiling, had never heard his voice hold a tender note in it. He is always displeased. Always with a frown.

“Seven.” Vendetta calls you, noting your blank stare, the untouched food in your plate. Seven. You chose this because you were the seventh child in your family, and, subsequently, the seventh person to join the Resistance when this base first opened.

“She’s probably thinking about the stranger.” Q mutters, taking a sip, “His origins are…” They glance about, leaning in slightly, “ A hot topic, after all.”

“We get injured wanderers all the time.” Vendetta waves them off, “As if he’s any different.”

“I don’t think we should be so quick to dismiss him, V.” July grumbles, his voice low, the sound of crunching gravel. He sits with his arms crossed over his chest, observing the three of you with something akin to hostility, “You never know who may be working for the Order.”

“You can’t just assume that.” You pipe up, “He might just be another gambler dropped by the Floating Casino because he couldn’t pay his debts.”

“Or he might be a spy.” July stresses, glaring.

“No one knows there is a base here.” You continue, unrelenting, “Half the Resistance doesn’t know it exists, how can someone from the Order?”

“Still, I advice we exercise caution.” Q says calmly, a pleasant smile on their face — if anyone can defuse an argument before it starts, it’s them, “You never know what people are hiding, Seven.”

“Okay,” Vendetta chimes, “I will certainly not disclose this vital information when the man awakes from his comatose state. I shall make sure to confuse and frighten him further by chaining him to his bed.”

“Good.” July says.

“That is not what I had in mind, and you know it.” Q mutters, a tad disappointed, “I was thinking more along the lines of… An interview.”

“Too civil.” July mumbles, “I say we go with Vendetta’s idea.”

“That was not an idea,” She hisses, “it was sarcasm.”

“Fine, interview.” You submit, “Either way, I doubt anyone from the Order would not say they are from there. They are feared. Probably would think he has the upper hand, or something. Plus, our disguise is impeccable. We look like a research facility. Better yet, a shelter if no one wanders up to the main rooms.”

“I also sincerely doubt anyone, Order or not, is so good at lying first thing when they wake up.” Vendetta agrees.

July narrows his eyes at her, “That is an awfully naive observation to make.”

“Really now? It is a known fact that people half-asleep always tell the truth.”

Another hour of this and you feel drained and sore and with a mild headache. As much as their company has helped you, they can be a bit too eager to prove one another wrong. On most occasions you’d enjoy the chatter. Today, however, you feel too distracted to focus on anything. Q makes some good points, July argues, Vendetta and her biting comments pick at your skin. Always the blazing look in her eyes, always a certain gleam of anger hiding within her mellow, sweet tone. You excuse yourself when you finish your meal and they do not keep you from leaving. Perhaps they noticed you being out of it. Perhaps they were too caught up in their new topic – Lo and Chester’s sudden break up.

It does not take you long to come to the Medical Wing. The door shuts with a silent sweep and your heart drops – the bed is empty. Before you can do much else strong arms wrap around you from behind. With a yelp you feel a hand squeeze your throat and your breath leaves you with a helpless whine, sparks flying in your vision. Your reflexes kick in before you can control them. In a panic, you elbow your attacker in the chest and the grip loosens a bit, enough to allow you to escape and put some distance. Inhaling mouthfuls of air, you turn to the man that had been sleeping since you found him in the wilderness.

You never quite realized how tall he is, or how angry he could be. He’s confused and you see fire in his eyes, a sneer on his face, and he stands unmoving, waiting for you to try something, anything, so that he could grab you and try to kill you again.

You raise your hands, palms up —a fragile, harmless motion to indicate you mean no harm. His guard is still up. He’s heaving and his shoulders are tense, his gaze not once leaving your form, “…Hi,” You wheeze, almost voiceless, “I’m not here to hurt you.” You indicate softly. Cold, again, as if thrown into a bottomless ocean; body heavy, like a stone. You gulp. “Are you alright?” You question gently, afraid to provoke him again. “You must be tired. You’ve been out for a while.”

“Where am I?” His voice is deep and scratchy and it seems to set him off. He trembles from anger, you can almost feel the steady build up of rage in his chest, ”Who are you?”

“I’m Seven.” You introduce, “I found you outside our base. Do you know how you got here?”

He takes a threatening step forward and your arms shoot higher, “I’m not your enemy.” You insist, “You are not a prisoner here. You were dying and I wanted to help you.”

He regards you for a silent moment as if unsure whether to believe you or not. However, you sense that he will not try to hurt you, for now at least. You give him a shaky smile, trying to ease him — you cannot imagine how frightening it is to awake in some room among strangers and not knowing where you are or what had happened. “Do you…know your name?” You continue your questions, your arms slowly falling by your sides. After another pause, he nods curtly, “Good. That’s good.” you step away from his bed, “Please, lie down. You’re still recovering. No shady business, I promise.”

You are a bit surprised that he listens, but you don’t show it. He’s cautious, regarding you as if you were some dangerous animal cornering him, and his walk is sluggish. You can tell it’s hard for him to move, but don’t say anything. You doubt it would do any good. He finally sits down and just stares at you. You try to smile again, “Do you know how you got here? It’s okay if you don’t.”

“How long have I been here for?” He asks instead.

“Two full days in the base.” You say calmly, “But out there?” You vaguely motion with your head to the outside world, “I don’t know.”

Your answer unnerves him. For the first time his frown falls and he stares at you with big eyes and a trembling lip, as if a lost child not knowing what to do. That expression warps suddenly and he looks away, his hands gripping the side of the bed so tightly his knuckles turn white.

“Well, if there is…anything you need…” You start mildly, “You can call upon me. Or Vendetta. She’s the doctor here, so if you feel any pain or sickness, you should tell her. She’s sweet.” You smile, “And she will help. But right now, just try to rest…I’ll…leave you to it.”

You bolt past him to the door but– “You don’t know who I am, do you?”

You turn back to him, shaking your head lightly, “No. But it doesn’t matter. A lot of adventures come through here, lost and injured. You aren’t the first one. Now rest, please.”

He’s volatile, is what you learn upon the first days of his resurrection. His mood can change in a flip of a coin and he goes from placid to enraged in a blink of an eye. Tantrums, yelling — all signatures of a spoiled child not knowing what he has but simply wanting to break it. He’s nobility, or so your peers gossip. You hear snippets of all sorts of things, each more outrageous than the one before. The one that he is a prince kicked out of home for adultery seems to be the most popular one.

And he’s egotistical. He had not been, besides the attempted murder, that hostile and untamed towards you — the choking you told no one about as you concluded he simply felt threatened and scared. Though his other tantrums you are not so quick to chalk up as self-defense. Vendetta, exasperated, one evening told you that she somehow offended him — ”All I said is stop pouting because you need my help!” — and he, with a bruised ego, so high and mighty promptly jumped out of bed. Whatever he was trying to do backfired — perhaps he was trying to leave, or trying to grab something and to hit her with — but he slipped and fell and hit his head into the sharp corner of table. “And I said to him, oh I said: look what you’ve done now! Off to bed, quickly!” Vendetta finished bitterly, stabbing her fork idly into her food, possibly imagining his face there. His nose, much to V’s displeasure, was not broken, but an ugly gash and a dark bruise split his skin in half and he laid in bed sulking for at least a day.

As the week passed, he seemed to favor your company the most. It is not that he smiled and joked and laughed in your presence, and you were not exchanging secrets or hugging or even calling each other friends. He simply seemed to be more mellow around you, possibly because you oddly knew what to say and what to keep silent. It is as if you sensed the subtle shift of his moods; could read his expressions in a way no one could, perhaps no one tried. And you would come and visit him as often as you could when relieved of your duties — you felt responsible for him in a way, and you wondered if you would still feel this weight on your shoulders when he eventually left this place. After all it was you that had found him lying in the grass; it was you that had insisted to help him; and now, it is you that brings him food and tries to provide some comfort in a form of conversation. You don’t pry into his past, don’t even ask for his name, because you know he does not want to give it, and you won’t risk questioning in fear of another explosion of his temper. You talk about inconsequential things: what’s happening around the base, what sort of plants grow around here, what bugs could kill him before he took two steps. He especially enjoys hearing the rumors about him, even if he is too prideful to admit that they amuse him greatly.

“And what if I am?” He questions one evening, something akin to a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. His eyes, a kind hazel color that could be beautiful if not for the persistent angry spark within them that is now, seemingly, vacant, watch you closely.

You frown softly, “Are what?” You question, “A prince?” He nods. You snort, “Well then, your majesty, I shall make sure to inform the others. What will be your first decree?”

He pretends to think, “No more slacking around.” He says sternly, “This is supposed to be a military base, isn’t it?” He ends on a cheeky note. You gulp. Ah, yes, you might have let it slip that he’s in one of the Resistance’s safe houses, though you did not disclose the coordinates.

“On a mission to make fun illegal, are you?” You ask with a raised brow.

He frowns, “Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too!”

Childish, really, though you suppose it is better than arguing with July.

You feel it before you hear it— rain and thunder. The merciless patter on the roof and on your window. In night the sound is almost deafening — a loud roar of an engine, followed by cracks of lightning and flashes in the dark sky. You would have slept through it if not for the pins and needles washing your skin behind the warm sheets thrown on your body. You stir. Thunder roars and a flash of bright white light illuminates your room and seeps through the cracks of your lashes. Cold, again, as if standing in the middle of a storm.

You finally sit up, rubbing your face and then looking around to see if your friends are playing some sort of joke on you. You were almost certain they had dragged you outside and left you to get drenched. But you are alone in your room and you frown and shiver from the biting cold. Groggily you throw the sheets away and leave your bed, not entirely certain where you are going but there is a pull in your gut and half-asleep you follow it. You think you might still be dreaming —the rain on your dry skin feels real, though all dreams feel real until you awake. You leave the dormitories and take the elevator to the first floor. The base is silent, save for the shrill of machinery. Finally, still in your pajamas and almost fully awake, you step past the main entrance and stop.

It’s pouring, a curtain of rain obscuring the confusing contours of trees and leaves and bushes. The darkness does not help. A bleak light pulses to life once you pass the sensor and your surroundings illuminate. Thunder, lighting, more rain. You stand safe and dry under the roof, and he stands at the very edge of it, half soaking, his face kissed and washed by the rain.

You are not sure what to think. He seems lonely standing there surrounded by darkness and water. It’s whispers, or something akin to that, that urge and beseech that he does not want to be alone. You hear them somewhere in the back of your mind. If he noticed you, and he should have with the light suddenly on, he does not show it. You approach him slowly, your footsteps concealed over the heavy drum of rain.

“Not used to it, are you?” You ask, your voice followed by a bolt of thunder. He stirs, head tilting in your direction. Your heart skips a beat when your eyes meet — there is no hostility in them, no anger, just a distant sadness. You give him a soft smile, “I can tell you don’t see it often. I didn’t, either, at first. I grew up surrounded by deserts and I had not seen a drop of rain for at least eighteen years. But, here… Well, there’s no shortage of it. We have storms at least once a week. You’ll grow sick of it before you leave, trust me.”

He says nothing, still looking at you. The light sniffs out. Both of you stand unmoving.

“Why are you here?” He asks, a note of genuine confusion slipping past his calm tone.

“I… don’t know.” You admit. A frown pulls on your brows and you bite your lower lip, staring into the heavy curtain of rain, “I…I really don’t know.” You turn to him, “Why are you here?”

He doesn’t answer for a moment, savoring the silence. Then, “I got bored laying in bed.” Somehow you feel that anxiety has more to do with his sudden nightly venture, rather than actual boredom. Though, you suppose it is quite tedious doing nothing all day. You imagine he is active, judging by his built. He has a strong character and he knows what he wants (most of the time), or rather has a distinct sense of what he doesn’t want. You imagine he’d be a good commander, or leader, with his deep voice and unrelenting stare, if only he wasn’t so sensitive. He’s too unpredictable. Too uncontrollable. His emotions get the better of him too quickly for him to be unbiased. For that reason alone you deem him unfit to be a spy, or a soldier, or a figure of military power. He’d burn all he would build if that were the case. No, him being of noble birth and being stranded here as some sort of twisted punishment sounds believable enough.

“What are you thinking?” He questions, drawing you out of your thoughts. You hum, ponder whether you should be honest with him or not. “Don’t lie to me.” He says suddenly and you jolt, heart drumming painfully in your chest. For a frightening moment you figured he could read your mind. Then again, you have been spending a lot of time together. He must have noticed how gentle you are with him, how carefully you pick your words. His signature frown is back, you see it for a second when lightning strikes.

“I was thinking about your life.” You admit, “Your work. Whether you really are a royal as most of my crew mates seem to think.”

Flash. You see half a smile blooming on his lips.

“But I know you won’t tell me. Don’t worry, I get it. Ladies love a mystery.”

“What?”

It’s your turn to grin, “Oh, please, it’s almost all I hear about. Seven brought a brooding stranger with a secret past into the base. Lo…Michel… Two of your rapid admirers. I already told you that your arrival has sparked many speculations.”

“I…I haven’t…” He sounds uncertain, flustered almost, as if embarrassed, but there is no way he is, you refuse to believe it. He stumbles upon his words and lastly says nothing. You snicker silently. Another flash of lightning and you see the same confused, puppy-like look on his face you have had the pleasure of seeing once or twice. He does not shield it this time, this moment of vulnerability. He probably doesn’t see the point because darkness obscures everything again.

You extend your hand to him as a silent offering. How many things have you offered him now? Life, health, your company. He regards it, ponders a bit, lastly gently clasps his hand over yours. You jerk. Electricity courses through you and your eyes go wide, tingles rushing all over your body. Lightning strikes. You see wonder on his face, a mimic of your own surprised expression.

“Come on,” You stutter, tugging him, “you’ll catch a cold.” He follows after you. The light blinks on. You don’t know what is happening. Couldn’t have been the thunder, the feeling is not as intense. It felt more like a build up of energy; like you accidentally touched a circuit and it zapped you.

Impossible, you hear something alike his voice but not quite — it’s quiet, distant, muddy.

“Hm?”

“What?”

Once inside, the door sweeps shut behind you, “What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything.” He sounds a bit ticked now, and you decide to drop it.

“Oh,” You mutter, “must’ve imagined it, then.”

His hand is cold in yours and you squeeze it just a bit, hoping he won’t notice and hoping that you will warm it. When you reach the Medical Wing, you tilt your head and say, “Wait here. I’ll get you dry clothes from the storage.”

But as you turn to leave he doesn’t let go, though doesn’t say anything either. He’s choked up — either he doesn’t know how to say it or doesn’t want to say it at all. He doesn’t want to be alone. Those whispers come again, ringing in your ears so quietly you aren’t sure they’re even there. You give him a soft smile, catching his gaze, “Okay, we can go together. You’ll probably stay here for at least another week, so, it’s best you know where the storage is anyway.” There’s no rush in your words, no annoyance, just simple acceptance. It eases him, relieves him of saying and admitting things he’s not willing to bring to light.

The walk is quiet and you still hold hands. His is much bigger than yours, rough, though not unpleasant. They are hands of a man that uses them often — for better, or for worse — and a twinge in your heart, a sudden thud of uncertainty, informs you that your previous speculations might have not been correct at all. His hand doesn’t feel like that of a prince (not that you would know what that would feel like), no, it feels like a hand of a soldier. But that inching of something amiss is swept away by warmth, silent happiness, a certain deliriousness that starts blooming within you and spreading all around. You feel him, somehow; feel a connection. You can’t put it into words exactly, you doubt you could ever explain it to anyone. It’s fragile. And beautiful. And maddening that such a devout emotion is sprung by something as innocent as holding hands

You wonder if he feels it. You somehow know he does.

The storage room is not big. Your hand slips from his as he chooses to stand by the doorway and you rummage to get his things. You feel braver. Perhaps it’s the tiredness that leaves you so open and bold, but searching you can’t help but ask, “So tell me…” You start, handing him some towels, “What were you actually doing? Besides being melodramatic.” You add, your lips quirking upwards.

He regards you with lively eyes and you see a grin lift his cheeks. He’s smiling, actually smiling, and you know this action is precious and rare and you can’t help but beam at him in return, “You think I was being melodramatic?” He questions.

You laugh a little, a breathless bell-like “Yes” falling from your lips as you fetch him dry clothes from the upper shelf, “All you needed was a cape to swing around.”

His expression abruptly falls and the temperature drops with it.

“Right, no cape.” You mumble, a tad disappointed, handing him his clothes.

As you make your way back, you can’t help but saying, “I just thought it would suit you, is all.”

“What else do you think would suit me?”

You raise a brow, trying to keep up with his drastic shift in moods: again, hes smiling, then he’s pensive, now he seems lighthearted, genuinely curious. “You like to ask a lot of questions.” You conclude.

He shrugs, “I’m just trying to figure out what you think of me.”

“And why are you curious?”

“Now you are the one asking a lot of questions.” He points out. You snort.

“You started it.”

“Did not.”

“Did too!”

This again, followed by quiet chuckles. You don’t turn to the Medical Wing now, instead stopping by the elevator and pressing the red button. The doors slide open. You glance at him.

“So…” You mumble, “This is not how I imagined my night going, but…” You aren’t quite sure how to finish, how to vocalize the strange swirl of emotions in your chest, “Well, goodnight.”

You step into the elevator, going to push the button—“Ben.” He says suddenly, making you flinch and turn to him. He’s not looking at you, instead staring at the floor, “My name. It’s Ben.”

Again, that same energy, that same shock you felt when you first touched his hand ignites your body with something closely akin to happiness. Trust. Bond. He trusts you. The connection you felt was not an exaggeration. He would not have given you his name otherwise.

“Goodnight, Ben.” You say softly, fighting a smile that’s trying to rise on your face, “Sweet dreams.”

“…Goodnight, Seven.”

As the elevator doors shut, you think you hear him say “Thank you”, but that might have just been your imagination.

hope you liked it! xxx

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kouhaiofcolor · 4 years

Text

Just gonna go ahead & say it. interracial dating is not necessarily “progressive” or undoing racism in any capacity when like 99.99% of the time interracial relationships are one-dimentionally marketed as black male × white female. there's hardly ever any alternative (or even just generally broad) representation otherwise. i cannot speak for what marketing is like in other regions of the world, but here in the US at least, you see more commercials, advertising, movies & tv shows that endorse bmwf relationships than quite literally any other combination of interracial pairings & that is truly odd & transparent. esp where colorism & antiblackness are, let's say governing, around relationships between antiblack black men & culture vulture/misogynoir white women.

even wmbf pairings are sparse as hell; & that's literally just the genderswap of the same kind of interracial depiction. Black Women periodT, do not get portrayed in interracial relationships at all next to how often black men are. really think ab that. the wheels have turned so dramatically in fact, that Black Women have suffered a social demotion so profound at the v hands & passive will of Black men & nb women, we're looked at as less valuable than black men these days. so we don't get even a slither of representation interracially — & then they get included in more shit than we do full stop. even with every woman in every corner of the world thirsting to emulate us every single day in every single way. that is truly wild. it's like corporations have taken it upon themselves to capitalize off of not necessarily misogynoir ig, but definitely off of black men both significantly famous & significantly otherwise who aggressively establish how opposed they are to being involved romantically w black women; whether anyone asks, is interested or not. we can't overlook white women taking full advantage of this, either, but truthfully they've had a historic streak in dismantling black family structures for just as long as white men so we don't even have to delve into that. slavery, racial fetishisation & washing of monoracial black love is the face-value irony ofc (which is why calling this particular interracial corporate fav “progressive” has always sounded contradicting to me).

it will never not be wild to me how straight up uncomfortable/pressed it makes society to see a monoracial black couple genuinely love & be committed to each other; esp a dark skinned pair, Good Lord. that's pretty much ‘least aesthetically pleasing’ in most pop culture industries, lbr. which is why a lot of different brands have also jumped on the dark skinned black men × light skinned black women bandwagon as an easy copout. then what's ironic ab that is the equally controversial fetishisation around making biracial children directly related to racist stigmas ab producing children that are dark or brown skinned (speaking of swirlers, whom again are often black men & white women); not to mention those same biracial children being creepily put on social pedestals around colorism, featurism, as well as prejudices around hair texture. add to that how even more divisive antiblackness susceptibily makes biracial groups just to keep up w trends & ideals around fair complexions & particularly curly hair.

it's just odd how interracial couples are hardly ever not black men & white women is what I'm getting at. you don't even see them paired w other races anywhere near as much; never a white girl & an singaporean man, or a black man & a sri lankan woman. like I said, we see Monoracially Black Couples even less — which is even weirder. Bc if any race of ppl deserve controlling the narrative of their own cultural love, it would definitely be Black Folk. everybody feels like they can better cast & be a romantic partner for a black man with agendas to essentially exclude black women entirely & that — for the love of God & every Black Woman constantly invalidated & belittled by our own men & nb women indifferently & like always — is not ok at all.

stop half-assing the relevance of other interracial relationships to lowkey perpetuate antiblackness & the fetishisation behind bmwf relationships; we see what's going on. At least I do. honestly i don't think it's progressive at all to endorse white ppl in particular being in interracial relationships they fetishise openly af both in spite & bc of historic racial prejudice. like how in God's name are we basically open to eugenic exercise in 2020 & ignorantly misappropriating it as beneficially futuristic? Esp for our own communities & Black heritage, the vindictive swirl shit antiBlack black men be on is some truly backwards bullshit. more than that, there is a true abundance of many different races of ppl in this world besides Black men & white women. if film & marketing industries literally only have the energy to portray interracial relationships thru bmwf couples & the children they produce then imo that is just lazy & misogynoir af. & pretty insinuative as to the kinds of future generations corporate industries as well as brands are adapting to prune & profitably objectify for, you guessed it, being biracial. so yay, rite? .-. nobody that matters loses & nobody that loses matters type shit. i get it. & I see thru the illusions.

it's like market logic be like: “if it's gonna be interracial the guy has to be black; & preferably w/ a white woman. uwu just for like, mainstream purposes around ‘dissolving’ racial division, yknow? & if he must be w/ a black woman, honestly the best you'll get is one who is intentionally racially ambiguous. 😲 not for uhh,,,, not for colorist reasons or anything. 😅 black men are fine. we LOVE using black men. of any kind. Er.... that didn't come out right, either, heh 😶 its black women we don— 😧 i-i-i mean,,,, what we mean to say is...,, ahem, black women are just a little... more difficult different to uh. to market. err, advertise. interracially. *cough!*..... 👀uhm,, we love woc & understand how important it is to represent black women fairly as well as accurately. we just have a,,... harmless preference in casting them thru fair-skinned or half black women. if that's fine. 🤐 a-and again, we totally understand that it in fact is not. we just..... 👉🏻👈🏻i mean..... what would you all like us to do? besides literally just stop whitewashing the roles of Monoracial Black Women to conservative hollywood's satisfaction? & besides just pairing mono black ppl w other mono black ppl & allowing Black Love to be represented the way it has literally never been given the chance w/o white intolerance/interference?🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♂️”

#interracial relationships #bmwf #mine.txt #colorism #texturism #misogynoir #black men #white women #blm #swirlers #culture vultures #mixed kids #cultural misappropriation #non blacks don't interact

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lesdoublesll · 4 years

Note

You claim yourself as theon stan, but why do you ship him with someone who's literally tortured and abused him? Are you not uncomfortable seeing your favorite character being tortured?

Yes I am uncomfortable seeing him in pain espacially when I know what intense pain is.(my everyday life is full of pain with endometriosis but also ptsd ahah) Yes Theon is my absolute favorite. He helped me understand who I was, which problems I had, and I admire him with all of my heart. I relate to him so much after what happened to me, as a sexual abuse victim. And Alfie ? God this man is my everything. He is a wonderful human being, the sweetest person I've ever met, someone who got through a lot too, and who knows what it's like, receiving hate for something harmless (portraying his character for example).

The relationship on screen Btw Theon and Ramsay (being portrayed by amazing actors) is so interesting. It really helped me opening more and more about my own problems, it helped me understand those problems, it helped me face them. Really. And writing fanfictions to share what happened to you, to slowly open up ? It's one of the most amazing feeling of freedom I've known. It's like I won against those monsters who are still inside my head, I won against those fucking disgusting human beings, because I am not afraid to tell what they DID anymore. They didn't shut me up. I have the control I've never have before. It made me HEAL, without taking medication like some doctors could ask me to take. Today I am fine, because I can talk, and that's a power they do not have here.

Thramsay IS so important to me, and none of you there can make me stop feeling better. Your hate - anonymous hate again ahah (i only answered to this anonymous message because the person sounded more curious than rude thx 💜) will never prevent me from doing what I like and what makes me feel in control of myself again. I don't care what you think: I am not an horrible person. I am just surviving the way I can in a cruel world. And it works for me : I am happy again and couldn't care less about what you think.

Then. I am a masochistic girl. We still don't know if it's...an answer from my brain to what happened (turning the pain into pleasure/wanting to have the control this time when I suffer etc) or if it just what my brain does. But what can I say ? I like bdsm, and reading or writing consensual bdsm Thramsay is hot (I mean look at Iwan and Alfie.) If you want to kinkshame me go on, but it's an horrible thing to do you know. I will never be ashamed of what I like, just like I will never be ashamed of what I am.

Besides it's still fiction. Not real life. So calm down people.

If you don't like it, ignore us. Don't go on the thramsay tag on ao3.

I may be a Thramsay fan, but Ive never kinkshame or harrassed anyone because of what they ship or which characters they like. We are all free to appreciate fiction the way we'd like without someone screaming "BuT yOU doN'T hAvE mOrALs", feeling so good about themself and what they like, whereas sometimes they are far worst than you are without even realising it. I've never send direct or anonymous hate, for instance... and when I do write a post about something that angers me, it's generally an answer to what ppl are telling me about what I like. (Danny stans who told me that Danny didn't do anything wrong but Theon did for example - fucking stupid)

On a lighter note I want to remind you all that Alfie is the sweetest human being ever. We talked a lot about our families and our own problems feeling accepted. That's when I told him that his portrayal of Theon, in the context of the abusive relationship btw Theon and Ramsay, really helped me and why. He looked so sad, but he listened to me without interrupting. And then he said he was happy to have helped me with my own problems, and that he also was happy to see how happy I looked today too, having the strenght to come here in a crowd of ppl I didn't know. He also then signed for free the photo we made together earlier, when he lifted me up whereas I asked for a hug, and he said no because " I was his kraken Princess" . On the photo there is now a heart on our conjoined torsos, and a little message from Alfie "To Lorraine. It's such a pleasure to meet you. *heart*" And then it was so unreal I cried, so he hugged me and said "Shh it's over. Don't be silly. Don't cry. " and waited until I stopped crying. When we saw each other again, at the end of the con he smiled at me and said : "Take care".

See ? Alfie never felt disgusted by what I told him. He is one of the most comprehensive person I know. And you can't take this memory and this comfort as well.

I don't feel disgusted. I am proud of my journey.

All of you Thramsay antis. Just ignore us.

All of you, ppl sending hate. Go fuck yourself. You will be blocked from this tumblr if you don't keep your mouth shut. Because I don't want to fight with ppl who will never understand what it is like.

Thanks for reading this

If you are still there after this post : thank you. Have a nice day.

#theon greyjoy #game of thrones #iwan rheon #alfie allen #ramsay bolton #thramsay

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littlebabycrybtch · 4 years

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god nothing will ever be more funny than whiny bratty 20 yr old reg discourse blogs trying so hard to play victim abt some rando 30 yr old on tumblr giving them basic social consequences about how they were harassing them over for watching su or being asexual or smth like skjfdhkjsd. ‘how pathetic of them to retaliate against one of my ugly unnecessary cringe tantrums’ you are a freak for trying to turn this around on the person you’re starting beef with and the act of being age 30 with traits that are like 2% divergent from the restrictive tumblr funnyman vibe is not cringe and doesnt somehow deserve any of your completely unprovoked vitriol,,, you being a baby and causing harmless ppl problems over nothing and then trying to look like a wittle victim who doesnt deserve their Big Boy responses for just a touch of cyberbullying is the most pathetic ass display ive ever seen,,, like i cannot express how much of a completely normal person that is and how much of a weird bitch you are being abt the scenario bc of warped social media outlooks like it is absolutely your own social standards that are off and ur throwing a huge shit fit over nothing and victimizing urself after acting intentionally antagonistic bc u kno ur clown ass doesnt have any valid argument points anymore besides mockery and then lookin wounded from any consequences you rightfully receive for that ugly behavior like lmfaoG is being an adult with hobbies and an identity really more cringe than being a vocal ass reg that puppets some activist morals around to validate their severely immature 0 critical thought cringe feels bc theyre that desperate to feel like a good person but with no effort,,,,,,,,,, is it more cringe to idk most likely be able to talk to ppl normally irl abt any sort of genuine human experience than to have a type of personality that causes you to seek ppl out with ur ideal public mockery traits to argue with and feel you have an automatic ‘win’ up ur sleeve by using the benign traits against them in a mob mentality bc ur a drama hoe but not even one thats using enough motivation to back up the drama w smth real 😶 also like wait wait Wait are yall literally admitting that by the time ur 30 you’ll have grown up and matured and will stop with the annoying whiny reg shit,,, thats what you claim is the natural process of age right no more discourse or w/e like ngl hallelujah like do you promise do you swear that you’ll eventually stop acting like this like i wont have to see this baby cringe bitch shit by the time im 30 do u mean it pleas e,

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trunaturalista · 5 years

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Costa Rica: The Solo Traveler.

I have received so many DM’s and texts regarding my trip and I wanted to share a few answers. Please reach out if there is something I did not address.

Did you use a travel agency for your Costa Rica trip?

Absolutely not. The only time I’ve used an agency was when I went to Dubai and that was only because I was traveling to the Middle East. I planned this entire trip myself. I found a great treehouse to stay in with wonderful owners that made the entire process seamless and meaningful. Google.com. Booking.com. Search for exactly what you want.

Did you stay on a resort?

Nope! I stayed in a treehouse/villa apartment vibe. It was gated, but anyone could honestly access if it really was that deep. This was one of the most amazing places I’ve stayed. I met all of the owners and they ensured I was happy, safe, each and every day. If you are afraid of bugs, lizards, monkeys, snakes, well the wilderness, do not do it to yourself. You will not make it, lol.

What made you select Costa Rica for your first solo travel trip?

It’s literally one of the top places for female solo travelers. Literally….do your research on every country, city, village you want to travel to and read articles. Check stats. Research crime. Costa Rica has always been on my very long bucket list and it seemed kind of perfect.

It is rainy reason, but I believe this season really gave me an opportunity to relax, release and think. It rained a lot at night and that is when I wrote, read, and meditated the most.

I really wanted to stay in a village to get the true experience although…many thought this was beyond dangerous. Most did not speak English at all and you have to be prepared for this. I loved hearing about the history of the village from the locals.

Costa Rica is the safest country in Central America…:)

This trip allowed me to travel on a small plane. I had to fly into San Jose and then take a domestic flight from San Jose to Tambor. From Tambor, my taxi ride was 45 mins to the village and to my treehouse. It was a lot of travel, but it was exactly the experience I wanted.

Were you scared? Did you feel unsafe?

I absolutely was scared…who would not be? I am always a little anxious before traveling to a new place, but it’s not a bad feeling – it’s like a rush, really. Like wow, I’m really doing this! When I arrived at the village and even when I landed in San Jose…there is not one moment when I felt unsafe. Everyone was warm, welcoming, and willing to give me information if I had a question about something. When I was out on my Quad and it had issues reversing and switching gears, someone was always willing to help. Even if they did not speak English, they still wanted to make sure I was good. Never felt like I was going to be snatched or sold into sex trafficking as so many people chimed in my inbox.

Why solo travel?

I’ve learned that people are extremely disappointing and will bail on you at any minute when it comes to travel. I told myself that when I turned thirty, I would embark on this solo travel journey for a number of reasons:

The trip was about me! I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, hell I sat around naked for hours doing absolutely nothing but thinking about how blessed I was. My daughter. Future plans. My friendships. Relationship. Everything.

I was 100000% selfish. I spent money money! Bought what I wanted. I ate what the fuck I wanted. When I wanted, woke up when I wanted, drank when I damn well pleased andddddd was just naked as hell in the rainforest. I called the damn shots.

Man, I was able to recharge. Lowkey, but highkey, if you know me, I’ve been through a lot of shit the last year. Relocating twice. Job switches. Adjusting for both myself and my beautiful child. I’ve lost and gained friends. This trip gave me the space to recharge my mental, physical and emotional being. It was so necessary.

I love vulnerability. Like, solo travel is the ultimate way to put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Listen, I’ve moved to two places with/out any family or friends in sight – that is vulnerability. But, traveling to a foreign country solo is another level. It’s scary, but it’s a cool ass vibe man. With this….you can accomplish anything.

I needed and wanted to create a space to heal. That is all I can really say on that.

I needed to find myself again. I get lost, found, lost, found. It’s nice. Meaningful. You literally have nothing but time to think about any and everything. It’s quiet.

Solo travel is super empowering. It’s only lonely when you decide not to go out and meet, talk to and explore, honestly.

What did your family and friends say?

Loaded question!

Listen, my mom was excited but worried as any mom should be. My dad was on some ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT ‘ASHA and probably didn’t sleep the entire time I was gone. My sisters were all for it and encouraging. My closest friends were super happy for me. My man-panion was worried, but also excited because he’s traveled solo abroad as well. So many folks in my messages with envious messages and words of encouragement. Felt great. But, there were a lot of ppl in my inbox spewing negativity. “You are crazy” “You can be sex trafficked” “It’s stupid to travel alone” “what about Zarah” “you wilding” blah blah blah etc etc etc. Thank God I am in a much better space now, otherwise I might have reacted negatively. I chalk it up as projection (clearly they do not have the vagina to live life out loud) and keep it pushing. And thank Allah that I have a hefty life insurance policy.

How much was your trip?

Stay out of my pockets, playa, lol.

What tips do you have for female solo travelers in Costa Rica?

Research the city/village you plan to stay in. How do they dress? What is around? Are there things to do? Is crime heavy? Try to dress the part. The less you look like a tourist, the better. Bring boots or some sort of heavy duty shoe. Cover up!

Walk fast. Yo, keep it pushing. Get to where you are going to get, period. Google maps!

Keep cash in multiple places just in case you are robbed. Let’s be honest…crime happens everywhere and if you look like a tourist, you are in a vulnerable position. Keep cash in your bra, you backpack, your shoe, your pockets. If you are unfortunately robbed, they won’t get to all of those places. I cannot express this enough!

Do not be afraid to speak to strangers. You honestly do not have a choice. I mean, you could sit around and simply not socialize with anyone, but that really is no fun. This trip gave me an opportunity to put myself out there and talk to people in my broken Spanish ways, lol. I was forced to make friends. When I went to yoga, I met three people from Washington D.C all of which were female and in Costa Rica alone – it felt great. Had I not opened my mouth, I would have never met those travelers.

Solo travel means you are not splitting the cost of anything with anyone – it can be costly. Save up for solo trips and accept that you are going to have to drop some bread to enjoy yourself, depending on what you want to do. Luckily, $1 USD = $568.26 colones so I pretty much balled out in that village, lol. Food was cheap. A whole meal could be about 3000 colones, which is only $5.00 in USD. And by whole meal, I mean a whole Red Lobster meal for $20.00. Like, I’m not kidding.

Alcohol – Well, due to recent “deaths” due to Costa Rican alcohol, I was definitely on super high alert. I brought my own American shots to Costa Rica and visited the village market for wine. I only purchased wines that I knew were sold in America and that were not made in Costa Rica as a precaution. I did not drink at any of the bars in Costa Rica when I was out to eat because I had everything I needed at my treehouse. It made sense. Always be safe. I was not too alarmed by the number of deaths considering the millions of people that travel in and out of Costa Rica daily, but still.

Please pack bug spray and sunblock. Listen, the bugs are looking for blood and Costa Rica is way down by the equator. The HEAT HITS DIFFERENT OK. Protect your skin at all times! Plus, there are a lot of questionable bugs that I know bit me, lol.

What were your struggles?

I worry a lot. I’ve always been a worrier as my mom says. When I could learn what it meant to worry, I started lol. I worried about so many things, but I didn’t let it overcome me.

The village was intimidating – at first. But, once I got out there and drove around, I was cool.

My ATV/Quad had major struggles, lol. The first night I went out for dinner at this place called Koji’s and I couldn’t get the damn thing to start or reverse. A man saw me struggling and started walking my way. I’m thinking….OH GOD, it’s over for me, lol. But, he came over and got me on my way. I was grateful and he….was harmless.

I am not super friendly, but I’m not mean. I struggled with walking up to strangers and asking questions. But, I did it. It was awesome and I met some amazing people!

Interesting thing happened:

On my flight from the United States to San Jose….there was a mother and her small child, maybe 6 or 7 months old, traveling to Costa Rica alone. She happened to be walking by my seat on the plane and started to have a seizure out of nowhere. The flight attendants were asking who could hold the baby and no one wanted to hold the baby.

This was happening right next to me.

There was a doctor and two nurses on the flight and they confirmed that she was having a seizure and that we had to let it pass. Mind you, this baby was screaming bloody murder and needed a damn diaper change. Finally, she wakes up and explains that she has never has seizures before and she seemed fine as she grabbed her baby. No less than twenty minutes later, she starts having another seizure and we embark on an emergency landing into San Jose. As for anyone….this gave me major anxiety. I started to think…what will happen to me if I have a seizure? I have no one around. Nobody knows my health history. Anxiety began to really whoop my ass due to this horrible event. I was able to breathe, push through, etc. Prayer, meditation, faith in God, really.

Summary?

This trip taught me that there is nothing to fear but God. And (as my friend says) that the world is big and you are safe in it. I feel like a new person. I feel refreshed. Renewed. Free. I feel like a got damn beast. I feel strong. Empowered. Powerful. I feel invigorated. I feel sanctified, damn I feel liberated. Ugh. Go for it. Travel solo. I cannot wait to book my next destination and share it with you all.

#solotravel #travelguide #femaletravel #blackwomen #blogger #vlogger #writers on tumblr #poetry #poems #writers #costarica

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mvlcnes · 5 years

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hey what’s good hunnies, i’m rollin up late but uh !! my name’s maia, 25 y/o living it up it up in the ast part of the world and uh listen i don’t have discord bc i’m a literal grandma when it comes to keeping up with all the new means of being social lmao so if you would like to chat and/or plot?? just shoot me an im on here — i’m usually always mobile & i obviously love to talk a lot ! and i’m a heaux for dramatic / angst-fuelled plots .. just a little fyi … i’m excited !! so anyway !!! onto the Idiot of the Hour you’re actually here to read about; my darling malone. i have a pinterest board for him HERE , a playlist for him HERE , his stats page set up HERE , and a connections page HERE which as you can see is bare as all hell so let’s plot !

i think i just saw MALONE SINCLAIR looking down at their phone in the middle of lecture hall . i wonder if they think that will help them get through their BIOLOGY major . i’m sure professor baker doesn’t mind , though , especially since MAL can be so + BODACIOUS . then again , HE can be a little - EVASIVE , so maybe prof b will mind after all . what do you think is catching their attention all of a sudden ? surely it can’t be more pictures of LUXURY CARS . hey , you know , sometimes they really remind me of BOYISH CHARM AMPLIFIED BY A ROGUISH GRIN, SPARSELY SCARRED FINGERS CLAD IN GOLD RINGS, THE LINGERING SCENT OF CLIVE CHRISTIAN NO. 1 , but maybe that’s just me . oh well . i hope their FOURTH year is treating them well !

INSPIRATIONS

chad radwell ( scream queens )

chuck bass ( gossip girl )

reggie mantle ( riverdale / comics )

sebastian valmont ( cruel intentions )

BACKSTORY

okay so homeboy here has had it pretty easy his entire life. his dad works relentlessly as chief of neurosurgery in lower manhattan and his step-mom had worked as a prestigious legal practitioner; one of the most sought out lawyers in the state, and later, a socialite. like the infamous philosopher dr justin roberts once said: “six figures, i was only four”, malone was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. while most would assume he’s a straight up trust fund punk, though, he inherited his father’s impeccable work ethic to a fault.

as an only child and therefore sole heir to the sinclair estate, his parents have been on mal’s ass his entire life to give his absolute best in everything he does. health, school, sports, friendships, relationships, the whole shebang. his marks were always near the top of his class, he excelled at his two favourite sports; hockey during the winter, baseball during the summer. but it wasn’t until he hit his mid adolescent years, started developing an interest in girls ( whom he once thought were riddled with cooties ), that his focus faltered a wee bit and good lil o’malley boy started being a teenager.

embracing his lavish lifestyle and all the popularity / opportunities it handed him on a silver platter basically, mal was ho-ing himself around, partying it up with the elite crowd, earning himself a pretty risque rep among his peers. it wasn’t until he met his first actual serious girlfriend that he did his best to tone it tf down. and it worked, for awhile. but !! of course he fucked it all up and even though what’s done is done, he has big regrets. BIG regrets. mainly bc girl went absolutely wild and took a baseball bat to his ferrari yikes.

after graduating high school with exemplary marks, instead of taking the opportunity to potentially thrive in the big leagues of the sports world, malone opted to stick to his roots, following in his dad’s footsteps. he got accepted into powell as a pre-med student, studying all the biological sciences, and is finally finishing off his last year as a bonafide senior. his next big plan is to attend harvard to earn his medical degree and get the ball rollin.

FUN FACTS

pitcher for the university’s baseball team, his absolute favourite hobby

future doc in the works, he’s proudly maintaining a 4.0 gpa

distinguishing labels: the casanova, the playboy, the philanthropist

money is no object to him. will relentlessly spoil his current conquests

the second a girl tries to get serious, he ghosts & moves onto the next

fancy social events are his element but he also loves letting loose

big partier. has gotten mixed up in cocaine & hard liquor many times

his family own several luxury cars, a yacht, have their own private jet

contributes to charitable causes 24/7 but he’s a lowkey narcissist oops

WANTED CONNECTIONS

1) ok so uh he obviously needs his boy(s), 1 or 2 who he’s pretty close with. they travelled together, were each others’ wingmen at one time or another, always have each others’ backs through thick & thin.

2) he need him some fwb / hook up type deals, whether they be a regular occurrence or a one time thing. if you’re bored with your man or need help getting back at an ex? that’s his specialty hit him up.

3) while on that note, maybe a fella who’s shown interest in him & mal’s hit on them while drunk?? nothing too serious, just a lil harmless curiosity. maybe they kissed / made out on a dare or some shit at a wild frat party.

4) ex gfs!! i don’t see him having like… a fuckton of exes bc he tries to stay away from relationships but probably anywhere between 1-3?? whether they be on good terms, bad terms, lingering feelings, etc. i’m cool with whatever.

5) maybe somebody he tutored?? bc while he gives off mad Big Dick energy and tends to think with that head lmao, mal is actually very intelligent.

6) how about some enemies tho. like… idk man i’m SURE there are ppl he rubs the wrong way bc he’s kind of narcissistic lmao. or maybe they think he’s fake. or maybe there’s some sports rivalry or classic case of polar opposites or he broke ur bff’s heart?? the possibilities are endless.

#powellhqs.intro #drugs tw #pauly d vc: i love shit intros this time a yeAR!!!!!

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taeilm · 6 years

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potc!au | nct

drink up, me ‘earties (never shall we die)

3 ships, 3 crews, 18 boys sailing the vast atlantic

warning lowkey dark bc potc

TAEYONG: Captain of La Vipère

loves the sea more than anything

has probably sailed more waters than any other pirate (he does own the fastest ship out there)

fears neither death nor life

but has a gentle heart so therefore...too many weaknesses

cares about his crew a lot, especially jaehyun

brilliant swordsman; one of world’s best

it’s mesmerizing to watch him amidst battle bc he fights like he’s dancing

confident & courageous & will face anything head-on

charismatic; ppl are naturally drawn to him

ten’s nemesis; their vendetta against each other is never-ending (though neither is sure how it started)

romantically unavailable bc he’ll only ever be in love with that distant horizon and boundless sea

SICHENG: Quartermaster of La Vipère

taeyong’s most trusted right-hand man

aloof, mysterious; no one rly knows why he’s here or what he wants

ex-british royal navy commander but he left all that behind for the uncharted sea, bc taeyong somehow convinced him

pretty boy

his beauty is literally deadly bc ppl let their guard down around him then lose their lives for it

terrific fighter

doesn’t talk much

can be very cruel if needed (to enemies & crew alike)

extremely disciplined but slowly trying to unravel the navy orderliness that has defined most of his life

TAEIL: Boatswain of La Vipère

loves the ship more than his crew

carefully maintains her so she’s always running at 100%

will probably go down with the ship if she ever sinks

looks harmless but is actually p good with a sword

doesn’t like fighting though

taeyong consults him a lot

experienced & versatile bc he’s worked on many pirate ships before

but for some reason everyone trusts his loyalty to la vipère

has a lot of good stories to tell

loves singing haunting tunes about dying sailors; it sets the crew on edge but his voice is too beautiful to make stop

JAEHYUN: Sailing Master of La Vipère

inexplicably attuned to taeyong’s feelings and desires

prob bc they’ve known e/o since they were little pirate boys

shares his captain’s love for the sea

taeyong trusts him with his life

doesn’t like making empty promises

soft-spoken & gentle

has the face of a heartthrob but doesn’t use it to his advantage

very precise with navigations

seems to always know where taeyong wants to sail before he even tells him

JOHNNY: Master Gunner of La Vipère

chill and laidback; nothing ever fazes him

joined the crew bc he was bored & wasting his life away on land

master gunner for no reason other than that he gets a sick thrill out of bombing other ships to oblivion

he only feels alive during battles; the more chaotic the better

so unsympathetic that ppl think he’s missing a nerve but rly, he’s just perpetually disinterested in everything

can be very charming from time to time depending on his mood

loves thunderstorms & hurricanes

JAEMIN: Surgeon of La Vipère

childhood friends with jeno; they were both orphans living off of scraps in paris

doesn’t talk about it bc they’re kinda enemies now but he worries over him a lot (taeyong knows this but can’t do much about it)

initially joined la vipère to find jeno

adapted well to life as a pirate; anything is better than the starving hell he grew up in

a surprisingly capable doctor even though the only experience he’s had was from treating his and jeno’s cuts & bruises from larceny punishments

very stealthy & nimble

good at stealing

loves his crew members

+++

TEN: Captain of The Black Pearl

taeyong’s nemesis; would kill him but would highkey also fuck him (their relationship is rly twisted & intense idk)

a playful trickster

nothing but snide remarks tucked under his tongue

devil-may-care attitude; little thoughts given for the future

so unbelievably selfish and narcissistic it’s amazing he has a crew at all

but he’s fun!! and clever and charming as hell

can wiggle his way out of any trouble

very good at lying & acting

speaks a lot of languages

legendary swordsman; on par with taeyong

only shows genuine affection when talking about the black pearl

sleeps with countless ppl every time they dock at a port

DOYOUNG: Quartermaster of The Black Pearl

basically in command of the ship bc ten rarely does anything for the crew

smart, organized, well-rounded

revered and somewhat feared by the crew

hides his emotions v well

ppl think he’s heartless but tbh he’s not rly; he’s just good at separating task from feeling

has a soft spot for jeno; thinks the boy is wholly unsuited for this barbaric life

doesn’t seem very invested in piracy (he wants something more but he’s not sure what)

loves the sea at night when everything is calm & quiet

prefers peaceful sailing to battle frenzy but that doesn’t mean he can’t fight well (he’s actually the second-best swordsman onboard after ten)

KUN: Boatswain of The Black Pearl

similar to taeil, the ship is his pride & joy

does a good job overseeing everything on a daily basis

greedy; loves gold more than anything

always the first to locate the treasure hoard on a conquered ship

dreams of being the wealthiest man in the world and thinks piracy is the quickest way to achieving that

everything he does is for his own gain; the crew to him is just another means of aiding him in the bigger scheme

takes care of yukhei the most bc he thinks that kid is their best asset in battles; ppl mistake it for affection but kun would drop him in a heartbeat for even the tiniest materialistic gain

loves rum

JENO: Sailing Master of The Black Pearl

the kindest & most thoughtful boy

very good-looking (his beauty is famous across all the seas; even mermaids fall for his allure)

childhood friends with jaemin; misses him but doesn’t dare to say anything bc if ten ever finds out, jaemin will likely die just so ten can see jeno’s reaction for his own entertainment

not very fond of his captain

only joined the crew bc ten saved him years ago from nearly getting his hand chopped off for stealing (“now, boy, i need me a crew, so what do you say? join me and i’ll consider your debts paid”)

separated from jaemin due to that but fate has her own way and now they’re enemies on sea (he’s not sure if he’s thankful or angry)

has a natural affinity for directions at sea despite having been a parisian street rat his whole life

YUKHEI: Master Gunner of The Black Pearl

epitome of the ruggedly handsome pirate™

crazy fucking bastard

doesn’t know what holding back means

blasts cannons like there’s no tomorrow every time the black pearl engages in battle

loves joking around with the crew

says he adores & would die for everyone but no one knows if he rly ever means it

so reckless w everything he does that it’s a feat he’s still alive

drinks a lot but rarely gets drunk

honestly just wants to live life to the fullest

that’s why he loves being a pirate!! nothing else can give him the same dizzying rush of being alive, knowing he’s always on the verge of death

huge womanizer... always gone the moment they dock, just like ten

JUNGWOO: Surgeon of The Black Pearl

shy & quiet & seemingly innocent

but no one knows of all the shit he’s done in secret to get to where he is today

obviously he’s darker than he comes off as if he’s survived for this long on the sea

ppl always want to protect him and he goes along with it bc false impression is his favorite weapon

so tbh he’s as good of a liar as ten is

pretends to act like an airhead but is acutely perceptive to everyone and everything around him at all times

a highly skilled surgeon; was trained as a pirate doctor’s apprentice since v young

+++

MARK: Captain of The Flying Dutchman

cut his own heart out and locked it away; no one knows where it is or dare to ask

cursed with the ship; can never make port and is doomed to sail the seas for eternity

acts cruel and merciless but is deep down very sensitive

ppl say no one knows love like he has known love

self-destructive, moody

lone wolf; pushes everyone away but somehow his crew is unshakably devoted to him

superior swordsman; second only to ten and taeyong

controls the kraken; the entire sea is envious of him for that

RENJUN: Quartermaster of The Flying Dutchman

ex-british commodore

was so so devoted to great britain like literally exemplar pawn of the empire; would’ve died for his queen with zero hesitation

drawn to ppl who are better than him

which is why he was enthralled by mark during one great battle bt the british navy & the flying dutchman

and then promptly abandoned everything he ever stood for just to follow this boy

has a pride complex where he simultaneously pines after & wants to kill those who’ve bested him

very good with guns & pistols

YUTA: Boatswain of The Flying Dutchman

loves being a ghost-pirate; he was made for the undead life

had an intense affair with sicheng from years ago but was betrayed and nearly hanged for piracy

so now he’s bent on revenge (but some fucked-up part of him is still in love with sicheng) (he’ll never admit it though)

tongue sharper than ten’s bc he always speaks with the intention to hurt

very manipulative

holds grudges

joined the flying dutchman bc it’s the most feared ship on the seven seas & he thinks it’s his best chance at finding & killing those he’s been wronged by (rn primarily sicheng)

despite everything he’s p loyal to mark bc there’s something about cutting one’s own heart out that intrigues him to no end

CHENLE: Sailing Master of The Flying Dutchman

navigates the ship to various locations to collect sailors who died at sea & ferry their souls to the next world

good judgements when it comes to sailing

often climbs onto the crow’s nest to stargaze or watching the rising sun bc they’re the only things that calm him

absolutely devoted to mark bc mark plucked him out of an abusive shanghai orphanage & basically saved his life

has a dark side but is generally a sweet boy

confides in renjun a lot bc he trusts him the most

DONGHYUCK: Master Gunner of The Flying Dutchman

would die for mark in a heartbeat

he’s in love with his captain? maybe?

rude/sarcastic little shit

jack of all trades; very smart but puts 20% effort into everything

disobedient as fuck bc he wants to get a rise out of mark but has never succeeded

sunshine boy on the surface but won’t bat an eyelash when spilling blood

gets a sadistic kick out of firing cannons and pistols

likes playing games with their captives/hostages

good at telling jokes & stories but everyone finds him annoying

JISUNG: Powder Monkey of The Flying Dutchman

suspicious of everything & doesn’t trust anyone

bad at managing emotions & relationships (his captain can relate)

a quick learner; can honestly take over any position on the ship if he wants to

gets along well with chenle but isn’t super close w anyone

his mother tossed him overboard at birth w the intention to drown him but mark saved him by chance

yuta jokes that mark only picked him out of the water bc he didn’t want to ferry another dead soul

he considers his life to be mark’s; 100% at his captain’s disposal

excellent fighter despite being so young

#nct scenarios #nct au #nct fanfic #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 imagines #nct u scenarios #nct u imagines #nct dream #nct dream scenarios

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cat-sapphics · 2 years

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I really tried reading your posts, but I don't get it. What's the ELI5 explanation for why discomfort in response to the word "queer" is a valid harm, but discomfort in response to the tag "q slur" is "a harmless compromise"? Your posts argue we should be respectful of feelings, and I agree! But then ppl say "tag queer instead of q slur bc it's really upsetting" and suddenly *their* feelings are of no consequence? 1/3

Ok so let's pretend these ppl are lying about their emotional response... for whatever reason. They claim harm, but we'll conveniently ignore it. It's STILL harmful to the LGBT ppl you want to "protect" to tag "q slur" for contexts where it isn't used as a hateful slur. Bc if they ever do want to destigmatize it for their own wellbeing, then it's counterproductive to treat a destigmatized usage as indistinguishable from an bigoted usage. 2/3

The word "stigmatize" comes from the origin "to mark with a brand". And that's really the heart of it. You don't need "q slur" to block mentions of "queer" so going out of your way to use it sends a message to the poster that, regardless of intent, they're being marked with the same brand we would put on a slurring bigot. Use queer, queer mention, or whatever for triggers, but "q slur" is not a harmless compromise. It's re-stigmatizing in the most literal sense. 3/3

tbh anon, i think you make a valid point and it's something for me to consider. i really didn't think much about exactly how to tag under someone's post and that's why you didn't see any options past "q slur" because that's just what i was thinking as i was typing it all out at the time.

i... really do, think, you make a point. because tagging it "queer", "queer discourse", or anything similar still makes it blacklistable by people who are offended by it and do not want to see it, while also respecting OP's identity. so thank you for pointing this out to me and challenging my exact proposal.

the only issue i really take with it is that some might not want to type out the whole word (censoring it like "q*eer" or not), and i'm wondering what the solution is for them. i don't really agree with that course of action because i don't tend to be the sensitive type and i encourage people to speak with their whole chest (especially on the internet), but i still mean what i said about accessibility being comfortable for all and i don't want to be a hypocrite. i don't bring this up to make excuses or challenge you, but i just think it's something to consider and i'd rather leave it in than not.

the other thing is, i also agree with you making a good point about how continuing to restigmatize it defeats the point of trying to destigmatize it. but the thing is anon, this isn't gonna happen overnight and the process certainly isn't as black-and-white as you seem to imply it is. we really can't just get every lgbt person in the world to agree to let hard feelings go and just... start to use it normally, as if there was never any issue at all. it doesn't work like that. we don't all function on the same radiowave and starting a wave across the world/internet like that would take a non-linear, slow amount of time.

in *MY* personal view, disregarding the fact that i did give it a look from all sides, i think that one argument just simply does deserve to have their way more and that's that. i know this will make me sound like i don't truly care about the feelings of self-identified queer people (which isn't true, but i'm gonna be critical here), but at the end of the day i'm really only willing to accept them being so if they acknowledge that it's still an impactful slur and that they need to be mindful as the price for taking advantage of the entire language. freedom of speech isn't freedom of consequence, which i'm sure you've heard many times before. but... yeah, i argued for compromise, but i didn't argue for equal priority and with the weight that the word still has, i say that those affected by it should take priority over those who weren't and don't truly understand from negative experiences what they're doing - especially considering most of them are young and progressively "woke." i guess it doesn't matter how reclaiming the word and changing its connotation happens so long as it does, but it still feels unnatural and unearned if it's done by an uneducated generational gap and not through social justice work, if that makes sense? but, i know that's just me, and really it's just my reflecting through how i think in general.

but, then again, as i said, i suppose it doesn't matter how. maybe this generation is how we make progress, and maybe the next generation will achieve the goal. the point is though, right now there is still a lot of work to be done and my empathy and critical thinking is what motivates me to choose to be more conservative and exclusive than progressive and inclusive about many discourse topics.

ultimately though, this is the internet, and what i advocate for and believe in means nothing when it comes to the reality of what goes. people are gonna tag posts with "q slur" and that's gonna upset people. people are gonna openly say "queer" in sensitive spaces and disregard wishes to censor it. in both cases, it's ideal to just let it go and move on because we're all strangers, but obviously this discourse matters to us and our feelings and that's why we're not.

so, TL;DR - i agree and i appreciate you pointing that out, but we're not quite there yet. also i appreciate the challenge in debate while still being respectful; you're better than most lmao

#ask #anon #q slur #q slur discourse #slur discourse #queer discourse #queer discussions #lgbt discourse #queer #queer tag #also wtf is eli5 gen question

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lovingtheroyals · 6 years

Note

Some (or most lol) of Meg's new post-engagement fans are absolute nutters... esp the ones on twitter. Like this one fan got so defensive when this girl replied to KP (when they posted the bridesmaids and paige boys) that G&C were gonna be the stars of the wedding 😂 the fan was like "H&M are gonna be the stars of the wedding not G&C etc" like damn chill it was a harmless comment 🤦 not everything is an attack on Meghan (&Harry) lmao

previous post cont'd... Meg's new fans need to CALM THE FCK DOWN and stop coming at random ass strangers for having an opinion... like sorrrry, not everyone is cray cray about Meghan and Harry like you 😂 some might like G&C more and might watch the wedding for them and that's perfectly acceptable/fine 🤷‍♀️ Ps. I know a few old Meg fans (from her Suits days) and they are so lovely. I feel bad for them that these new post-engagement fans are potentially giving all Meg fans a bad rep.

post cont'd... (last one I promise lol) Some advice to the new Meg fans... y'all idolise/look up/follow Meghan, who is classy as hell, so perhaps y'all should take a page out of her book and stay classy... that means not trashing Kate, Will, etc. because I'm sure she'd LOVE y'all talking shit about her sis and bro in law (NOT!!!). But I know the Meg fans on twitter (esp this one group of more than 10 ppl 👀) are prob gonna continue talking trash bc they seem to live for the drama [rolls eyes].

I was actually about to respond to you when your second message came through! I’m glad I waited lol

Honestly, we have been talking for a little while about these Meghan Stans and it’s just stupid and exhausting. Like they really don’t know much and are very threatened by anything that they perceive to be a threat to their fave. The problem with that though is that they are directly insulting their fave when they say things like “G&C shouldn’t be there because they’ll steal the show” (which has been said). Like dude, what does it say about Meghan that you think that she can’t hold the spotlight on her own wedding day? Also, they seem to have no understanding of the function of the monarchy, it’s system/institution, or how it works. They make bold and false statements that have no basis and can actually be quite hurtful and damaging. They make statements about Meghan and Harry being “better” and “finally doing things right” when they don’t even understand the basis of what they’re doing. They claim that state that they’re “changing the game” and “modernizing the royal family” when they don’t even know the history of the game or the royal family and the fact that quite frankly, Harry and Meghan aren’t modernizing or changing much.

I also don’t understand how a grown adult can actually hate on a four (almost five) year old and a three year old. Like what kind of a person does that? They’re precious little angel babies who love police cars and horses and balloons. They just want to be there with their Uncle and their new Auntie and have a good time. Why are you trashing them? These are kids we’re talking about. They just want to love their family and play. That’s it. That’s literally all kids want at their age.

Moreover, they continue to place unnecessary blame on people like William and Catherine and Charles who have nothing to do with certain issues. It’s almost as if everything that is perfect is up to Harry and Meghan, but anything that might be perceived as an issue is immediately someone else. They can’t imagine their faves making a mistake or being anything less than perfect so anything that is must immediately be the fault of someone they choose to hate. They’re not picking on people based on their own odd insecurities and need for self comfort. They’re either projecting their own insecurities onto public figures they don’t know and have never met or are insecure on behalf of these people who likely do not spend any energy or time worrying about the things these people do.

But what they choose to ignore is that Harry and William are brothers, and Catherine is his sister-in-law, and George and Charlotte are his nephew and niece, and Charles is his father. You would have to be blind and deaf to believe that Harry and William are not as close as two brothers could be. They have spoken publicly about how close they are and how much they rely on each other. Then there’s Catherine who Harry and Meghan have both stated was a huge help to them (specifically Meghan) and who they appear to be quite close to. They’re coming for his precious niece and nephew who he clearly loves so much. And then they’re going for his father, a man who has supported and helped and loved Harry through all of his missteps, mistakes, trials, and tribulations. I just... don’t understand how these people can’t see that they’re trashing a person’s family who they love dearly. Meghan wouldn’t want you to do that. Harry wouldn’t want you to do that. They’re just being evil and mean because it makes their little brains comfortable.

And that’s my rant for the day lol

#Anonymous

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vanogla · 6 years

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got any vanogla headcanons? idc if its in au or not all i know is that I Need Vanogla Content Or I'll Die.

aw fuck don’t die i need every vanogla fan alive if i want to grow my empire

ah jeez, this list is going to be a friggin’ mess so it’ll be under a cut-

general headcanons

here’s my base for hcs when i watch their videos. please remember that these are merely headcanons and may not be true!

*Evan’s only mean to David when Tyler is around; when they’re alone they laugh literally every other sentence and make harmless jokes and its all feel good banter 👍

*they’re both awkward in public and avoid PDA; if u ask them abt their (established) relationship they’ll be very tight-lipped abt it（・θ・）

*its not a headcanon that they’re both born in the same year :) you may have noticed that i draw Evan’s height in line with David’s caterpillar eyebrows so that’s my height diff hc :D

*imo Evan never uses pet names or terms of endearments with David, he’s not comfortable with it, and the furthest he’ll go is “babe”. David comes up with the shittiest, most obnoxious nicknames for Evan as much as possible to make up for it tho, and he’s not afraid to embarrass Evan in public with them xD however the only legit terms of endearment David uses are “dear” and “darling” cuz he’s an old man at heart

*this one is a rather unpopular one but i can never see Evan casually calling daithi “David” instead of “Nogla”. I know its like a relationship milestone to call him by his first name, but i cant see it happening unless its for a joke (e.g David Blaine from one of the vids) so imo daithi will forever be “Nogla” to Evan. (However if it’s AU im completely 100% all for it yes)

*Evan isn’t as smart as David thinks he is (tbh David puts him on a pedestal), and Evan doesn’t actually think David is stupid or dim (shown when he calls David “smurt” when he gives a good idea). i fuckin love it when they discuss solutions to the game together because they’re so quiet and serious in those moments :>

*surprisingly Evan overthinks more than David does; he’s actually a doubtful guy. David’s generally more impulsive than Evan, but he can form a black-or-white opinion depending on the facts he’s given. Evan on the other hand will stay in the grey area- he’ll find some way to balance out both sides (unless it’s morally wrong then hell no- he’s def picking a side)

*idk how to explain this one but i really love the way they say each other’s names. I noticed in some videos that David will keep calling “Evan” multiple times to get his attention and same goes for Evan repeating “Nogla” a buncha times to show or tell David something- and i just find it really cute and dorky.. if i could i would compile all of these moments together (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

*just sayin’: when they call each other ‘owl’ and ‘lobster’ it sounds flirty as fuck

*this is sappy but i definitely think that Evan is 100% himself when he’s with David. With David, he doesnt have to be the coolass-motherfucker-with-awesome-one-liners, and instead he openly giggles and asks for help/affection without having to filter himself to sound cool (i think this can be seen in some of their videos as well). although he isn’t as comfortable with David when other ppl are around, when they’re on their own Evan can always count on David to be encouraging, supportive and playing along with Evan’s jokes so that’s why Evan is so comfortable with David ( ´ ▽ ` )

*fuckin hell they’ll always come back together; whether as friends or lovers they could never permanently cut each other out of their lives because their lives are so entwined with each other- David having Evan in his thumbnails/in the title, Evan laughing at David’s shenanigans are the highlight of his videos- and no matter how harsh they seem with each other they’ll always bounce back in the end :’)

*i think that they have a closer relationship than casual viewers of the crew think, and so they are forever a memorable aspect of each others lives (ye, theyre my OTP and BrOTP ヽ( ´¬`)ノ)

*despite all’a this, i dont think they need each other, of course they can be independent and go their separate ways. but i just know for a fact that sooner or later they’re gonna see something that reminds them of the other and the memories will remind them of good times ^_^

*err i have like, 1 solid nsfw one and that is neither of them like penetration so they rarely do it. Its not because i have anything against anal, its because i don’t see either of them as people who enjoy being penetrated. Generally I don’t see them as a pair who’d have sex often anyway (^_^;) -however when they do they’d be laughing so much thru it ◎▼◎ (ill be posting a list for this veryverysoon! [update: here it is])

additional headcanons

here’s some of my indulgent hcs ^_^ here’s where the good stuffs at, cuz the general hcs don’t necessarily apply to these ones:

*David pining is my favourite thing ever like he’ll write a lot of songs abt Evan and he’ll post them and say that it’s not for anyone in particular but its a fucking lie because he literally has only one person on his mind when he writes it and sings it but he’ll never tell anyone and he sure as hell won’t tell Evan

*Evan pining is also v good yes :’) He’s fuckin scared that David’ll know that he has a soft spot for the Irish prick so he hides it with jabs and insults. but sometimes his fondness slips thru and his laugh comes out a lot warmer than he’d intended and his eyes linger on David and for a split second it feels like he knows, he fucking knows and yeah it scares him so in the end both of them think their feelings are unrequited woohoo

*i have a love/hate relationship with whipped!Evan cuz it feels like i stripped him of his personality but its the only way i can get him to shower David with affection so Welp he’s staying for the fluff

*whipped!Evan snippets: Evan longingly gazing at David like David would disappear the moment he blinks + Evan being bold and chasing after David because ‘you’re a part of this mess, we’re in this together whether you like it or not’ will really fuck me up

*Evan isn’t as giggly in some of my AUs. i like playing around with his GTA or Gmod-roleplaying personality so he can get pretty closed-off depending on the au. most of the time when he’s in this character, David will be the lighthearted and cheeky one to balance it out c:

*i love to treat David well but i also love to wreck him so cynical!David or insecure!David are some of my fav angst hcs cuz both’ll make him very very frustrated lol

*following the last point, David’s usually the one to fall in love first, but he’s also the one to doubt their relationship- so he’s hesitant of commitment and he’ll say stupid shit just to see if Evan will stay with him despite his flaws.

*lowkey hero/villain au: the way bad-guy-David taunts good-guy-Evan with “little owl” or “little bird” or “plucking/ruffling yer feathers” is like, h o l y shit yes. (And don’t tell me you cant imagine Evan yelling “YOU’RE GOING DOWN” xD)

*for one of my soulmate aus, they’re not soulmates. they’re just two people who fell in love and decided to stay together despite the fact that they’re not “meant to be” cuz they feel like their relationship is valid, even if it doesn’t match up to society’s expectations. another one is that they are soulmates, but despite knowing that they’re supposed to be the perfect complement to each other, their personalities are incompatible as fuck and honestly it’s a mess of misunderstandings hahaha.

*that nsfw hc mentioned previously does not apply to most of my AUs by the way- ngl there’s a lot of sexual tension in my AUs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aye that pree much sums up my main headcanons (ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ

ive got a few more headcanons for cop au but that’ll come out another day on another post xD also i have a lot of hcs for other aus that ive never fully developed, perhaps ill post those someday as well lol

also sorry for the wait, i hope ye enjoyed despite this being late (::)

holy shit im so obsessed with these two i spent 4 hours typing+editing this fuck

#ask #anon #.txt #prompt #vanogla

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butt-lore · 4 years

Text

Oh yes hello I’m alive! Want another fic? Of course u do! I had the MOST fun writing this cuz Sehyoon is one of my fave ppl for his facial expressions alone!

That one birthday fic I put off

Summary: you and Sehyoon had been dating awhile now, have had many shared shenanigans together. And when a fan asks about how Sehyoon is when he’s drunk, you’re more than happy to share...

Words: 1480

Warnings: it’s grossly fluffy? Alcohol usage, cursing I think

Not my pic but how I see him when he’s defeated.

“Happy birthday!” Sehyoon blinks aimlessly, a party hat strapped to his head upon entry, a placid smile on everyone’s face but his. They cheered and popped poppers around him in merriment, chuckling at his flat annoyance. Usually one to keep to himself on special days, or share his day with a very few, a group of thirty is a little much. If he was enjoying this, he wasn’t showing it, a full range of emotions but joy passing through dulling brown eyes. You move a bit closer, waving a timid hand pass his face. “Yoonie?”

“Thanks… I love it.” Even and full of disappointment, his husky voice pushed through clenched teeth. While his lips picked up, the rising star’s thousand mile gaze stayed put. Your own mouth threatening to break open in laughter, holding his stare, enveloping the both of you in a world much more familiar: a world you two have been sharing happily alone for two years. He said thanks, and he meant it, but here, where there is only you, he asks what the fuck?

You insisted, a party for Sehyoon would be amazing to celebrate debuting and his birthday, he deserves it. It was much easier than spending the day bouncing around from place to place visiting. A long, tedious tradition you hoped to avoid this year and hopefully many more. Please, try to have fun, your smile said, and you meant that. You knew, the hardest part of living in your head was interacting with others. Sehyoon was improving, but, you see now perhaps this was not thought all the way out. Shit. I’m very sorry.

Yes. Acknowledged. Then he was whilst away in a whirlwind of the many pieces of memory he’ll have of his twenty-fourth birthday. Drink after drink all but poured down his throat. Kim Sehyoon wasn’t good at drinking. And what you witnessed this night would live in infamy in your heart, and it all started with a single beer.

“To be fair it was a beer and soju.” Toned arms cross over a fitted black sweater, Sehyoon’s lips dipping to a frown.

“Yes honey we know.” You responded patting his thigh affectionately. “I thought I said that?” You look up claiming innocence, humming softly.

“Mm.” Peach gloss disappears as a line presses his cheeks up when you look back after a long moment of silence. His eyes pinned you down, shining in bewilderment. You weren’t sure what to call this face but it was very effective, you bursted into laughter and he soon followed. You both calm down to chuckling, Sehyoon fidgeting with imaginary dust on the desk the phone sat upon. He clears his throat twice before speaking. “After a soju and beer.”

“Right, after a soju and beer-“

Everyone had scattered to corners of the house, breaking off to smaller conversations, Sehyoon passed around in a ten min rotation. You watched, concerned for his social battery and well being, but after a drink poured for him by Chan, Sehyoon didn’t seem to have trouble keeping up. He wasn’t very talkative, but when spoken to, Sehyoon kept pace, even if he was slurring words. He spoke of a multitude of things he likes with passion a total of six times, something he does mostly when he feels like it: even then that’s when Sehyoon felt he could trust them. His forty-six minute rant about avocados was new to you, however, and by the end of it, you’re not sure if he’s for or against them, or why and how they were brought up. It was the way everyone zeroed on him, transfixed it seemed, holding onto the words spilling from him.

“I don’t care one way or another about avocados.” Sehyoon throws his hands up, licking his lips in the same motion he swoops black bangs between long fingers. “Hope that answers your question.”

“He’ll eat em.”

“Just don’t have an opinion on them.”

As the night neared its end, many participants heading home, meaning you, too, would have to leave at some point. As it dwindled to just you, the crew, and group members, Sehyoon truly came alive.

“I have a confession.” He almost said, the syllables dragged out longer than necessary. “But none of you can tell anyone.” Jun is first to lean in, trying to make sense of the gibberish he’s attempting at. Sehyoon sits bolt right, speech clearer. “I have a girlfriend.”

“Oh?” Chan just about shouts, jumping onto the cushion next to Sehyoon, bright eyes promising mischief.

“Mmm. Yes. She’s very pr-pretty. And very interesting.” Sehyoon carried on, you watch helplessly as he exposes you both so randomly. Sehyoon has a lot of secrets he can confess, you knew it, and he had been good for about two years. No one but your families knew up till now, not even the other members, you both were content with that for now, so if things don’t work out there's no questions, no scandal, a clean break if need be. And here he was, drunkenly ranting about you thighs. At least he hasn’t called you by name, it would be the strawberries on top of his birthday cake, you might start laughing. In fact, this whole situation was so funny to you. Seeing him so completely relaxed and friendly, not to mention by this time Byeongkwan had claimed Sehyoon’s lap for this important announcement. You watch Jun stretch himself across both Donghun and Chan, hundled close to their storyteller.

“What’s she like,” Jun laments, leaning his silver head into Donghun.”Tell us.” He’s equally if not more drunk, only adding to your enjoyment of the scene. You are grateful no one has kicked you out yet, but who would with the way you are holding your mouth covering a series of snorts. You meant no harm, posed no threat, well, not one to anyone but your own stomach, which was starting to ache.

“Y/n?” You zone back in, shaking your giggles free to prepare for you doom. It’s Jun again. “Do you know Yoonie’s girlfriend?” His smile mirrors that of his friends; drunk.

Chan and Donghun are snickering, you can understand why, you were just seconds from bursting into a cackle.

It's what Byeonkwan says that stops your fun time, “Is this the same girlfriend or a different one?” His comment is innocent, genuine curiosity in his soft tone.

“We’ve been together for three years, keep up, Kwannie.” The two drunken men descend into chaos, dragging the one on Sehyoon’s lap in by proxy.

“You told us…” Donghun answers, “Twice, dear.”

“Oh.” Sehyoon looks dissatisfied, with what, you can’t place. His black straight eyebrows knitting together in concentration. “Did I tell you who?” Well isn’t that just about the dumbest thing your boyfriend has ever said.

“Yes, Y/n is literally right there.” You’re not sure who had more patience, A saint or Donghun.

“Oh right. Y/n did I tell you?”

“You know that look you get when your brain just shuts down and you feel so defeated you can't do anything but just sigh and think about what life events got you to the current situation you’re in?” Sehyoon pushes his office chair back, a sharp bark from his chest as he doubles over. “I felt like Satan had won that day.” You keep your tone plain, sipping from your coffee mug. Sehyoon is still howling behind you. You just blink ahead, he’ll tire himself out.

His laughter continues to echo as you carry on the tale of a Drunk Sehyoon.

“No, you haven’t.” You smile brightly. “Who?”

Sehyoon doesn’t have an answer for you, not a good one for that matter. “I don’t remember her name.”

You knew this wasn’t right, to tease a drunk person, but he already confessed twice before, a harmless prank wouldn’t hurt. “Is she made up?” You tilt your head gently, listening to the mixture of his ranting and the others staggered amusement. “Well why don’t you call her here then?” You shoot when he tells you you suck for not believing him.

“I will.”

“I will never live it down ever. They won’t let me. The crew, the group, Y/n. And now you all.” Sehyoon’s soul slips from his eyes again, shoulders sagging. “And that’s the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.”

“It was a good birthday though.” You hummed, remembering how he refused to let you go home after that phone call, it ended with you holding him close against your chest. Drunk Sehyoon was just as cuddly as sober Sehyoon.

“From what I hear I had a good time.” Sehyoon swipes at the back of his head sheepishly. “I’m glad this year we decided against that, though.”

“Wouldn’t want to confess to your girlfriend that you have a girlfriend again right?”

“Well that’s a good place to end it, thank you for joining us today-”

“You’re confusion when my phone rang was just the cutest.”

“Thank you, bye bye.”

#a.c.e #a.c.e stories #a.c.e senarios #a.c.e writers #a.c.e wow #wow #kim sehyoon story #kim sehyoon #someone told me #not my s/o #that when the love is rlly strong #you can talk to each other without words #i hope he hears me say fuck off next time

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too-raph · 7 years

Note

Dragons, yu yu hakusho!

Sorry this is late..!!

Dragonsthe first character i ever fell in love with:Ruffnut!! When the second movie came out, I saw all those gifs of her ogling Eret and I was sold :’Da character that i used to love/like, but now do not:potential spoilers, but what they revealed about Trader Johan in this new RTTE season makes him more unappealing to me when he was a fun character before,a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:Used to be more into Ruffret than I am? I still prefer it to lots of other Ruff ships tho…my ultimate favorite character™:RUFFNUT FOR SURE My wonderful daughter, the best girl, who is allowed to be “ugly” and ridiculous and even gross,prettiest character:Still Heather, probably,also a lot of the dragons just have really cool designsmy most hated character:Viggo, and now Krogan, too. I am not a fan of villains, usually, they tend to have personalities that I find unappealing. Too competent, lolmy OTP:Don’t really have one?? my NOTP:Ruff/lout and Ruff/legs and especially Ruff/settling down, having children, and proceeding to lead a normal, boring, run-of-the-mill life(…really tho I do hate the idea of her having children like have you met her?? what part of her makes everyone think she would want to be a mother ever. and what part of her makes everyone think she’d be fine being a housewife. like holy shit. she’s not even the marriage type, imo.I really despise that, since she’s a girl, everyone shoehorns her into this kind of bullshit without even considering her personality./end rant that literally nobody asked for)favorite episode:I love any episode that showcases the twins caring about each other and being competent, oh man. Also ones where Snotlout does good things. Snotlout and the twins doing ridiculous stuff together is also Great ContentFree Scauldy was really good, too! A rare Ruffnut spotlight episode.saddest death:Has there ever been like…a dragon that stayed dead..? My memory is failing me haha. Ah, and Stoick of course…favorite season:This is difficult, bc I have trouble keeping episodes straight, aha,They all have their good and bad moments, imo. I’d probably have to rewatch the whole thing to give a better answer :’Dleast favorite season:^^^character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:I mean I don’t necessarily hate Hiccup or Astrid but to me they can be…pretty boring…my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:Dagur, maybe? :’DThe twins and Snotlout also unfortunately probably qualify, lol. Love these problematic kidsmy ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:I still want more focus on Barf and Belch…they are a good dragon…my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:I mean, Ruffret isn’t exactly, reciprocated, but then, I don’t exactly ship it fully anyway, somy ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: Astrid/Heather

Yu Yu Hakushothe first character i ever fell in love with:Kuwabara for sure, he’s been so lovely from day one, I’m gonna crya character that i used to love/like, but now do not:Don’t think there is one..? I don’t fall out of love with characters easily ahaa ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:also none?my ultimate favorite character™:Kazuma Kuwabara is on the fast track to becoming one of my absolute favorite characters of all time ngl. He’s just got such a big heart, and he’s so…genuinely good, and yet ridiculous and a bit rough, maybe a little dumb and a little “ugly”, but he never gives up and will do anything for people (and animals) he loves and Idk he’s just such a pure soul who proves you can achieve anything if you tryprettiest character:Botan and Shizuru!!Yomi, too. And both Kuramas, bc why would you be one pretty anime boy stereotype when you could be two pretty anime boy stereotypes.my most hated character:Toguro brothers, maybe? They made me so angry all the time.The older one was at least ridiculous but imo the younger was an ass for no reason

my OTP:I have so many feelings about Kuwameshi…they just…care about each other so much…my NOTP:Nothing really stands out but this one time I saw a fic that was Yusuke/Hiei/Kurama and completely left out Kuwabara and I felt personally insulted…also I really don’t think Toguro has ever deserved Genkai everfavorite episode:There are so many wonderful episodes bc I just really love this cast of characters BUT one that stands out is episode three, y’know, the one where Kuwabara has to keep from fighting and also study to bring his test score way up just so his friend can keep the job he needs and even tho ppl beat on Kuwabara he refuses to fight back or mess this up in any way and okay listen I’m crying againsaddest death:The second time Yusuke died really got to me, what with Kuwabara crying and begging him not to while remembering their first meetings and all,also when Kuwabara “died” and Yusuke was so devastated he released more power than he even knew he hadthe fact that both of these involve both of them feeling incredibly useless for not being able to save the other makes for added sadnessoh manfavorite season:There isn’t one that really stands out, I really enjoyed the series as a whole! Wasn’t bored once.least favorite season:My heart wants to say season four bc of the (relative) lack of Kuwabara, but even the way that was handled made sure he still had plenty of presence, and it didn’t feel like he was being tossed aside at all. Plus, we got really good Hiei, Kurama, and Yusuke content, not to mention the return of the best minor characters from the Dark Tournament, So ye, in the end I love season four just as much as the others, hahacharacter that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:this doesn’t count at all but I didn’t understand why everyone apparently loved Kurama so much until I met himmy ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:Shishiwakamaru or Suzuki maybe? If they even count anymore, they seem pretty harmless when all is said and done..Hiei…? lolBui maybe?? He was my favorite on Toguro’s team, at least,my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:Mitarai…like I mean his canon storyline was actually really good but he definitely fits the first partmy ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:…Karasu/Bui?my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:Jin/Touya is really good!!Botan/Shizuru too!!And Hiei/Kurama, of course. Oh, also Yusuke/Keiko, especially doubled up with Kuwameshi feat. polyamorous Yusuke,

#Anonymous #thanks for asking!!!!#this made me want to rewatch YYH ahaha #I should have an ask meme tag

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