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jamiedc-they-them · 3 years

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Forgive and forget what happened in another time (Platonic)

Requested Imagine: After the incident with the Doctor, Daisy and Jemma see how much it hurt you and do what they can to help, but there is only one person who can really help. Fitz

Leopold Fitz, that name used to make you feel safe, happy, protected. A name of a brother figure, of a best friend.

Now, it was a name of danger, of hurt, of caution; of someone who once meant the world to you, but now a complicated thing. That was the what the name brought now.

Your hand went to the wound he had caused you, a bullet wound; the scar being patched up by Jemma, who had been doing all she could for you.

“Knock knock.” You heard Daisy said a your door swished open, there was no knock that was a lie, only the words and swoosh of the door to alert you of her presence in your room.

You quickly put the shirt down, covering the scar, but you saw her eye go to where it would be on your front (your back was to her, you had turned your head to look at you, even then you only saw her from the corner of your eye) and her smile was sympathetic.

She had her scar too, running her hand along the back of her neck.

“Hey.” You greeted, trying to sound like you both thinking about the same thing.

“Hey.” She parroted back, trying to do the same thing.

You cleared your throat, fully turning to your friend and crossing your arms, “So, what’s up?” You asked.

She suddenly remembered why she was here, “We’re gonna be landing soon, gonna need you there with me.” She said, giving you a smile, one you mirrored.

She hated this, seeing her sibling in pain like this; she hated that your brother figure hurt you both.

You had found where his ship was after interrogating one of the crew, all you had to do was get to it.

As you walked, with Daisy leading, Jemma grabbed you by the arm and held you back, “Y/N, if this is it, then --”

“Now’s not the time.” You said, trying to get her to release you so you could just end this journey.

“When is the time?” She pressed; you looked at her in the eyes, this journey had made her go to dark places, but she was still the caring soul you met all that time ago.

“Not now,” You said, removing the hand, “Besides, if it is him...then he’ll be with you, and Daisy can do the talking for me.”

You entered the part of the ship you needed through the ceiling, with Jemma leading the way. You found the pod, and you waited with baited breath. She looked to you and Daisy, two of her best friends in the whole world who had followed her out here for this one moment.

Her face dropped when she opened it...nothing was there, only some blood.

She stayed in the pod for a bit, breaking down. You, meanwhile, sat in the commons room, alone, and you allowed yourself to admit it.

You were happy that he wasn’t.

And part of you hated yourself for it.

“Y/N,” Jemma called out to you, you looked up to her, “I need you for something.”

That was a bit of a stretch, it was more of a team meeting, and something she had spotted on the pod, writing.

In a language she knew apparently.

You and Daisy were trying to keep the rest of you guys in check, and at the same time get Simmons to see that you would not survive this trip.

She, however, saw it differently.

She, however, pulled the lever and sent you deeper into space, chasing after a translation.

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Jemma knew, she knew that you were pissed by that option; and as much as she defended it, she saw the toll all this was taking on you.

But, this was her husband, she wasn’t going to just leave him stranded, even if the chance of finding him was small.

“Y/N --” She said, having a moment alone with you before they went to the city of Kitson, a place apparently only the worst people would go.

“Don’t.” You were firm with your words, and she could detect the bite.

“Y/N, please --” Again, she couldn’t finish.

“You had no right!”

“I have to find him, Y/N. You would do the same if it was Daisy, me, or anyone else.” She couldn’t stop the words, her goal of finding her husband stopping her from seeing the consequences of her words.

Those consequences came when your eyes widened, almost at the audacity of the words said, before you let out a humourless chuckle, “‘Anyone else’ hasn’t shot me while I’ve tried to free my sister from his split. I get it, not fully in his control, his trauma too, but what about mine, Jemma? You expect me to just move on from it? Sure, Daisy’s done better, but --”

“You don’t need to compare yourself to her, Y/N. You’re making your own progress, I promise…” She was torn, and you could tell.

“Whatever, let’s just go, ok?” She could tell things were a bit icey between you both, but she knew that you both still cared for each other, even during this time.

You went to Kitson, yourself and the two girls getting high as a kite in your search, “Co-come on, Y/N...We need to find our british friend.” Daisy said, holding onto your hand and bringing you through the crowds. You had no idea where Jemma had gone, part of your brain wondering if she was real…

If what Fitz had done was real.

She was, as you found out, being brought onto the floor in a crawl as you went under the table to find some solace from the people.

You observed the surroundings, eyes wide as you blinked a few times, but you swore you saw a man in a suit, a beard and an emotionless expression on his face staring at you a few times in the crowd, but each time you just shook your head and he was gone.

A blaring ‘dolphin’ noise brought the three of you out, it was a signal. But Chronicoms were on your tail, so you both looked to Jemma, assuring her that - despite your states - you could handle them. Jemma looked to you and smiled, glad you still had her back.

She went, and you and your sister got to work, Daisy spinning on the table and you throwing glasses at the trained opponents. It was funny, how you both almost reverted to how you were before all this - you throwing glasses in a bar fight - and her distracting herself during a conflict and having fun with it.

With that cleared up, Jemma had news for you.

“He’s alive.” She told you, and she knew where to go.

Your search led you to a Chromicom ship, or rather the ship. But, you saw him for the first time --

Not the doctor who had hurt you and your sister --

Not the man who had a split and lost for a moment to his demons --

But your best friend, your brother. Jemma’s husband --

Leopold Fitz.

Daisy was all but ready to make do on her threat of Fitz being hurt again, she’d tear the ship apart. She knew this wasn’t the Fitz that had hurt her, had hurt you.

You were willing to do a lot of things to get him back, but forgiving him would be another thing.

You had tried a runner, only for you to find yourself surrounded; you and Daisy were more than ready to fight --

But Jemma stopped you; you couldn’t quite focus on her words, your heart racing as you saw the tears in Daisy’s and Jemma’s eyes.

This was a goodbye between you three siblings.

Jemma then looked to you, shaky smile on her lips, “Y/N --” She wanted to say something, anything to help make this better. But she couldn’t think of anything.

Her youngest sibling was hurting, just as much as her other younger sister.

You brought her into a hug, one she returned, no other words were spoken; you both just hugged.

Then she was gone, and you were going home with a member gone, maybe forever.

As you went home, Daisy found you in your room, she sat next to you, not saying anything but she knew her presence would help.

Hell, it had helped her, she knew how you both worked. You were her best friend since birth, brought up together in the orphanage. Now, you were more hurt than you were before.

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Still, you went back to earth, the ever present image of Jemma Simmon walking away, to whatever her fate held, was etched into your mind.

You felt Daisy’s gaze on you every so often as you got closer to home. Still, no words were spoken, just the gaze of, not concern, just care. Was she worried? Yeah, but she knew displaying that to you would only make you go further into your hole you had dug for yourself.

Still, you disembarked and found yourself now in a new situation, a new trauma; Phil Coulson had returned...sort of.

It was him in the physical form, just not the...mental form? Still, it threw yourself and Daisy, just how seeing Fitz (the older version you cared for dearly) threw you earlier.

You and Daisy walked away, trying to ignore what you had just seen. It didn’t, however, work that way.

You instead ended up on the man’s (Sarge) truck, going to stop someone known as Izel, you didn’t care who she was, just that she was a threat to your family.

So, on board you went.

He pulled you up to the front, Daisy giving you a pat on the shoulder for encouragement as you went; you gave her a smile before entering.

“So, smiley tells me you went off to space.” He said, wasting no time it seemed.

You nodded, “Had a little trip, sure.”

“What for?”

“It wasn’t for you, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

He scoffed, “Trust me, I might have an ego, but not that high of one. What were you really looking for?”

“Why do you wanna know?”

“Snow’s...difficult, but I’ve known her long enough to know when she needs to talk.”

“You offering me a shoulder?”

“A cold one. But you seem to be more open than your sister. All she wanted to talk about was me.”

“She’s always been inquisitive.”

“And you're sensitive.”

“Was.”

“Sounds like there’s a story there.” Wow, he was not stopping.

“I will when you do.” He smirked.

And he did, just to spite you it seemed; he opened up about Izel and his past; how his planet was destroyed and how revenge and hate drove him.

He lied at one point, saying it was love, but he quickly said it was the hate that drove him instead.

Love drove you, you knew that, but also fear. Fear of who Fitz would be.

Sarge looked at you, eyes almost daring you to open up; Daisy caught the look, quickly brining the attention back to her and away from you. She hated it, the look in his eyes, the amusement he got from causing you that discomfort.

Then he was gone, he was out and you were barreling for a tower filled with Shrike (little bat things) that would infect everyone.

Sarge was gone, and you were going to slam into the tower with a nuke.

Deke did what he could to try and defuse it, but was unsuccessful.

Daisy looked to you, seeing you only staring at the bomb that would now surely take your life; you looked devastated. Her eyes softened as she took one of your hands in her own, she gave it a squeeze, a silent “I love you.”

Then it all went black…

Only, you woke up. You woke up to Daisy over the bomb with her powers making it go back into the bomb.

She took care of the shrike too, vaporizing them as they entered.

Then...then he entered. Leopold Fitz…

It was different seeing him in person, actually seeing him.

Deke had hugged him.

Daisy smiled, as did May.

You did, a small amount; he looked like his innocent self, not the beared man who had hurt him.

But he was still there...always there deep down.

You had a party, and he smiled at you; you lifted your bottle up, but your smile wasn’t as full as it used to be.

You left early.

Then you were forced to work together, looking into what made Sarge...well, Sarge, as Daisy spoke to him.

She let it all out, the vitreal, the anger at this situation. Fitz chanced a look to you, seeing how you kept your distance, didn’t look at him.

“Y/N...are you ok?” He asked; Jemma even paused what she was doing to look over at you in concern.

You gulped, just hearing his voice made you go back mentally, “...Yeah, fine.” You said, trying to hang tough.

His hand hit your shoulder, and you flinched away, slapping the hand away. He ignored the pain, he just kept his hands up and took a step back.

“...I can’t do this, I’m sorry.” You said, walking away, ignoring Jemma saying your name softly as you left.

You went back to your retreat. You felt the place shake, but you just hid yourself more. You couldn’t do this, your hand went to your wound as you felt the burning from it when you were shot. You heard the broken of “NO!” From both Daisy and Jemma. You --

You felt a hand on your shoulder, a soft one and yet you still cried out at it. The hand stayed, however, and you felt yourself be pulled into a hug.

“I got you, Y/N...I got you.” It was Daisy, and you felt her tears hit you on the top of your head as you sobbed.

You stayed like that for a bit, with you just sobbing into her as you took yourself back to what would have been your death had...had Jemma not acted so quickly.

Jemma, the woman who had been by your side this whole time, along with Daisy of course. But Jemma never forced you into anything about the topic, she respected your boundaries.

“Is...is he?” You started to ask before you hiccuped.

“He wanted to wait...but he understands if you don’t --”

“No, no I wanna see him...It...I can’t just ignore him forever.” You said, Daisy still holding you close.

“Ok...ok.” She said, kissing you on your head before helping you up and bring you to the door.

She opened it, and you smiled at your brother. Not the doctor. But Leopold Fitz, the man who hadn’t lost to his demons.

And he smiled back softly.

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Daisy gave you a hug before departing on her mission, and that left you with Fitzsimmons. Jemma stood on one side, Fitz on the other.

You stood as a united trio as you watched the mission occur.

“Y/N, I...I’m sorry.” You let him finish this time.

This time, you also looked at him, “It -- it wasn’t you.”

“...I know. But, I still did it.” He said, not wanting to let himself of the hook.

You nodded sadly, “We fixed the timeline...We saved you, we’re all back together now...I’m sure we’ll get there with us, anyway.”

He smiled, he knew you would, and he hoped dearly that he would.

Jemma smiled, glad you were starting to heal.

Now though, without knowing, it would be a while before you would see your friends again fully...

#daisy johnson imagine #daisy johnson x reader #jemma simmons imagine #jemma simmons x reader #agents of shield imagine #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d imagine #leopold fitz imagine

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wulfies-kpop-fanfics · 3 years

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One Photo → Mark Lee [9] [END]

↳ Pairing: Mark Lee/Reader

↳ AU: Soulmate!AU - The first touch of two soulmates permanently scars their bodies.

↳ Warning: angst if you squint

↳ Word count: 2,857

↳ Chapters: Prelude | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | You Are Here!

⁙ Summary: For an end of the year photography project, you’re tasked with taking a photograph for your favourite group, NCT127, and coincidentally, discover your soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TUESDAY - 9

Day by day, things got steadily worse. Your body was constantly giving out, you had trouble breathing, and whenever you ate something, you always managed to throw it back up. The weight loss and iron deficiency you had developed after the last periods you’ve had led to four clinic visits and one hospital scare. You tried to play it off to your boss, but enough was enough and you knew you were going to be let go.

It took a lot of thinking, but you had finally decided to do what you had to. So, there you stood, taping the last box closed. You had sold your final possession besides your bed and your oldest camera, handing the sealed box to the buyer who had been standing in your kitchen. “Thank you,” he said, smiling gently at you. “This is gonna make my daughter really happy. I…” he cleared his throat awkwardly; “I hope that you get better soon.”

You nodded, holding your breath for a moment to avoid coughing in his direction. “Of course. I hope she uses that camera well, it helped me a lot when I started college.”

After he left, you looked over the bare-boned atmosphere of your apartment. Your coffee table was gone, your bookshelf, your easel. Your little television, table and chair, and nearly all of your glassware and cutlery had been sold as well. Walking into your room, the only things that were left were your tote of movies with all of Mark’s cards and letters tucked inside, and a backpack with a second outfit, toiletries and your camera stuffed in it. Even your bed was stripped just to the bottom sheet, the summer hot enough and your fever high enough that you didn’t need blankets anyway. Today was finally the day you had finally procured enough money for a plane ticket, a one-way trip that hopefully would relieve the pain in your heart and the crushing pressure in your head.

While you lay in your bed, waiting for the night to pass, your phone, one of the last things you had to keep with you, buzzed. Rhiannon: How are you doing

You: I can never tell anymore

Rhiannon: Johnny, Hyuckie and I are going to meet you at the airport tomorrow. Mark’s getting pretty bad

Worry filled your chest, and you frowned at your screen.

You: Is he going to be okay? Rhiannon: we don’t know. He’s completely bedridden, I just hope that you don’t end up that way before your flight. I’m worried that they might not even let you on.

You: I have to try

Rhiannon: I know…

Rhiannon: I’ll see you soon, okay? I miss you

You: I miss you too.

At this point, getting onto your flight was the least of your worries. After putting down your phone, you mad managed to get about ten minutes of rest before you had to run to your bathroom to throw up the measly dinner you had put together with the small food budget you had set for yourself. Once you were sure your stomach had settled, you went back into your backpack and pulled out your toothbrush, returning to the bathroom to clean out your mouth.

Looking into the mirror above your sink, you noticed how bad you had really gotten. Your cheeks were hollow, your skin pale and underneath your sunken eyes were the works dark circles you’ve ever had. You brushed as slowly as you could, hoping that you wouldn’t start to feel nauseous again. After spitting and rinsing out the sink, you decided that maybe it would be better to just get up and go to the airport now.

You left your house key for the landlord on your kitchen counter with a note about where the spare was, stepping outside and locking the house with the spare, hiding it under your doormat before heading toward the elevator and beginning your journey.

Occasionally you’d lose your footing, your balance off and your legs weak. You would grab onto the wall to steady yourself, hoping that you wouldn’t pass out. About an hour of subway and streetcar riding, you finally made it to the airport. It was chilling to see so many eyes on you. You knew that coming in this condition would get you multiple looks and passing disgusted faces, but you felt like you were passed feeling embarrassed. The teller looked at you sympathetically when you asked for the Delta non-stop flight to Incheon.

“Soulmate?” She asked, tilting her head curiously when you slid her your ID and your debit card, all of the money you had from selling your things on it. Just enough to pay for your ticket.

“Yeah. Almost two years since I’ve seen him.” “My God,” she gasped, typing away on her keyboard. “It’s good you’re going now, I could never survive being away from my soulmate for that long. I was away from mine for a month when he was on a business trip and I was hospitalized!”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you rasp, watching her smile sadly in your direction. “I hope things go well for you. Have a safe flight to South Korea.” She slid your ticket, debit card, ID and itinerary over her desk, watching you slowly reach out to grab it. “Get lots of rest when you land.” “Thank you, I’ll try.” Feeling a little more pleasant after being wished well, you continued on your way. Through customs, the security check and the passport check, you did your best to keep back any coughing and the creeping feeling of nausea that was beginning to overwhelm you. Finally, you arrived in the boarding area, taking a seat with your bag on the floor, in between your knees. It was still a while before your plane would even arrive, so you plugged in your phone and decided to watch a movie.

Night crept over the lounge, the windows displaying a slowly setting sun. After your movie ended you kept yourself occupied by watching the planes come and go until the tarmac was lit up with guiding lights that looked like stars.

‘Flight from Toronto to Incheon nonstop now boarding.’

Finally.

You stumbled along and waited in your line, looking at your seat number. It was near the back of the plane, which would be loud, but at least it was close to the bathroom. The boarding attendant gave you a look with squinted eyes, but he still scanned your ticket, looked at your passport and let you go through.

Down the hallway, your legs gave out and your body clattered to the floor. “Hey, are you alright!?” Someone behind you came running up, gently taking your arm and helping you off the floor. “Jeez, you just toppled over!” She observed you, holding you steady. “You’re nothing but skin and bones…” “Sorry,” you apologize, hoping that you’d stay upright when she let your arm go. “I haven’t been doing the best lately.” “That’s okay,” she assured you. “Don’t you worry one bit.” Cautiously, she began walking with you, holding out her hands as if she was expecting you to fall again. “Why are you here and not at home, resting?”

“I, well... this is soulmate sickness,” you explain cautiously. “My soulmate is doing worse than I am, and I decided to sell everything I own to buy a one-way ticket. I’m going to see him.”

“Man,” she breathed, “I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

You let out a small, hollow laugh. “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.” “What seat are you?” “39-A.”

“Oh,” she smiled at you, just as the plane entrance was coming into view. “I’m 39-B! I’ll help you put your backpack up, okay?”

“Thank you,”

She smiled at you. “My pleasure.”

The hostess greeted you both when your new friend helped you board, watching with stunned eyes as you passed her. You both made your way to the back of the plane. You slipped off your backpack and she put both hers and your carry on into the compartment above you. “Do you want the window seat, or will that make you nauseous?” She asked, tilting her head to the side with an empathetic smile. “Would you be okay with switching? I’m supposed to have the window, but..”

“Yeah, I’m totally fine with it! Here, sit down with me.” Once you both were seated, she held your hand. “So, what’s your name?”

“It’s (Y/N),” you answer slowly, giving her a smile when you feel her hand take yours. It had been so long since someone had given you any physical affection. “I’m Nia,” she grinned. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

After the plane took off, Nia did everything she could for you. She made sure you had a blanket, water, and she even had wipes in her purse that she kept on your forehead to make sure your fever stayed down. Nia talked with you about her boyfriend, showing you part of her scar that was on the back of her neck. She told the story about the last time she was in Korea, lost and out of her depth. Wonseo, her soulmate, had bumped into her, not paying enough attention to avoid her when she stopped to try and read a street sign. She, in turn, had a scar on her back and on her scalp, while his, funnily enough, was on the top part of his chest and his nose.

When you told her about meeting Mark and your own scar, her happy grin only seemed to grow wider. “I’m a fan,” she admitted, “and I’m guessing you haven’t been keeping up with media because before he stopped his activities, he started wearing that Star Wars sweater everywhere. Everyone knew it was from you since the first time he ever had it with him was in Pearson two years ago. I knew I recognized you, but dang, girl. You look terrible compared to then.”

You smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, I tend to stay away from it all now, it just stresses me out.” She nodded understandingly. “Have you thought about the Gold Ceremony? Wonseo and I are actually in the process of planning ours, and I’m on my way home from meeting a bridesmaid that still lives in Canada.”

“I haven’t really thought about that yet,” you answer honestly. “It’s all so nerve-wracking, don’t you think?”

Nia shrugged. “I suppose your situation is a little different from everyone else’s, so I understand the aversion. I love the romance of it all, you know? Gold coating your scars so that everyone can see it as a sign of your commitment? Ah, it’s so exciting!”

“Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to ask him,” you say quietly, smiling at Nia.

“Only if you’re comfortable, girl. Having your entire chest exposed to everyone around you may be a little weird even if you are getting married, y’know?”

You chuckle. “Yeah, that’s true.”

You kept little conversations going, occasionally stopping to take small naps. The two of you also exchanged numbers, and you felt happy that you had made a new friend. Eventually, daylight began to peek through the windows of the plane, signalling the time change and that you would soon arrive in Korea.

Truthfully, no matter what Nia did for you, you only felt worse. You smiled and held back your nausea, but you could feel that as every moment passed, you declined further and further into your sickness. When the flight landed, you were happy that the sense of vertigo was gone, but you weren’t sure how long you would last without passing out. “Want me to help you through customs?” Nia asked once the seatbelt sign was turned off. She helped you stand, taking down your backpack for you and securing it on your shoulders. “I don’t want to be a burden on you,” you said quickly, grasping the seats as you made your way up to exit the plane.

“You’re far from that,” Nia reassured. “I won’t be able to stay with you the whole time, I just want to make sure that you make it to the people waiting for you okay. You said three of your friends were coming to meet you?” “Yeah,” you nod, thanking the hostess quietly as you pass her. “Thank you, Nia.” “Anything for a friend.” Slowly but surely, Nia helped you through the check-in and declaration stations, leading you through each step. Once you both got your passports checked, she turned and smiled at you. “I have to go get my suitcase now. Be safe and keep in touch, okay?” Nia hugged you ever so gently, before waving and taking her lead in the opposite direction you were to go, making her way to grab her suitcase off the conveyer.

“See you,” you called behind her, steeling your nerve. You could make it. While you could barely read the directions with your now blurring vision, you managed to make it to the meeting area. Just barely in your line of sight were Rhiannon, Donghyuck and Johnny, holding up a rainbow sign with your name on it. You felt your chest flare-up, and if it was due to your sickness or your happiness you couldn’t tell, but you still began making your way toward them, smiling and waving.

That was until your body finally gave in. ~ “(Y/N)!” Rhiannon immediately dropped the sign and made a beeline for you as you toppled to the ground, Johnny and Donghyuck not far behind. She grit her teeth, doing her best to turn you over and hold you.

Donghyuck reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, ready to call an emergency number if Rhiannon couldn’t determine that you were breathing. He sighed with relief, luckily the airport was mostly empty and nobody would crowd you. “Is she okay?” Johnny knelt down beside her, looking on with worry. Rhiannon quickly checked your pulse and held her hand above your mouth. “Seems like she just passed out, she’s still breathing.” She breathed a sigh of relief, placing a hand over her chest.

Johnny breathed a sigh of relief. “We should get her home, then. I’ll carry her, you grab her backpack.”

Rhiannon nodded and slowly took your backpack off while Johnny picked you up. “Let’s go.”

Everyone was waiting in the living room for Johnny and Rhiannon to return with you, after hearing them explain what happened when Taeyong called to check-in. They knew they couldn’t tell Mark about what happened since his condition was not much better. He was in his room, nearly unaware of everyone sitting and waiting with bated breath. Yuta and Jungwoo stood up quickly when the door handle turned and opened, revealing Rhiannon and Donghuck. Johnny followed in close behind, you in his arms, barely conscious.

“Hi, everyone,” you rasped, smiling as best you could, with lidded eyes.

“(Y/N),” Doyoung stood. “We’ve all missed you.”

“Yeah,” Jungwoo agreed. “We’re glad you’re home.”

“Thank you,” your words were soft, laboured. “Where’s Mark?” You looked up at Johnny tiredly. Johnny smiled gently, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll take you to him. Let’s go.”

You did your best to stay awake, suddenly beginning to feel a little better. Soon you both came across a door, the door slightly ajar. Johnny pushed it open gently with his foot.

“Guess who’s here?” He called into the room, and as soon as you lay eyes on Mark, you felt both simultaneously happy and guilty. Mark was skin and bones like you were, hollow cheeks and dark circles under his eyes. He was shivering as he struggled to sit up, large and thick blankets slowly shifting as he moved. “(Y/N),” he said, his lips forming the most endearing smile. “(Y/N), you’re here,”

“Yeah, I’m here.” Johnny carried you to Mark’s bed, gently placing you down next to him in the spot where he had just barely pulled back the blankets. You had your head laying on Mark’s chest as soon as Johnny put you down, Mark’s arm immediately wrapping around you. You both breathed in a deep sigh of relief, and you felt your nose beginning to clear up. “You could probably use some water. I’ll be back.” Johnny quietly left the room, and as soon as the door shut, you couldn’t think of anything to say.

You felt life coming back to you, but the long flight and the months of hardship still weighed heavy on you. You knew that this was your condition because you were struggling, and you had just sacrificed everything to be here. Now, on top of being sick, you were dirt poor. But, at least you were with your soulmate, and at least you were with all of your friends. At least you finally felt like you weren’t dying. “You can sleep,” you hear Mark whisper as he moved his other arm to touch your face. “I can tell you’re tired.”

You smiled weakly. “Okay, as long as you sleep too.” Mark laughed softly. “Agreed.”

Not long after, the door creaked open once again. Johnny had come back with a glass of water, followed by Rhiannon. Johnny placed the glass of water on the nightstand next to your bed, while Rhiannon watched you and Mark sleep for a moment, holding the small framed photo in her hands, the one that started it all. She placed it next to the glass of water, adjusting it so you would see it when you woke up.

“Sleep well.”

#mark lee #mark lee x reader #mark x reader #nct #nct127 #nctu #nct scenarios #nct imagines #reader insert #fanfiction #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines

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lemon-trap · 3 years

Text

Hayley Irwin bio

Author’s note: If any of y’all (not many) wanted to know more about my oc Hayley that has showed up before in some of my writing then this is the place for you! (I’m sorry that it’s so long and also about the long paragraphs because tumblr is stupid) I also dedicate this post to @sisi-halloway (I’m so sorry this took so long hun). And there are some parts that are not really accurate but dramatized.

Name: Hayley Irwin

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 22

Birthday: November 3rd

Love interest: Muriel or Asra but it would be very interesting to see her with the others.

Familiar: Snow leopard

Appearance: Hayley is just a few inches shorter than Julian. Her skin tone is almond. She has dark brown hair that drops down to the middle of her back but she usually keeps it in a high ponytail. Her eyes are amber and I love them, they are usually the first things that people notice about her. Her body is fit and flexible. She has many scars on her body including the one on her face but we’ll get to that one in a bit.

Favorite colors: black, green, and sometimes yellow

Favorite flower: gladiolus

Favorite drink: tea

Favorite food: soup or dumplings

Favorite hobbies: she likes to dance

Skills: fighting, dancing, sword fighting, gymnastics, and knows many languages

Place of birth: somewhere really cold and full of mountains

Father: Noah Irwin

Mother: Viktoria Irwin

Sister: Alice Irwin

Backstory:

Hayley was born into a wealthy and happy family. Her earliest memories are of a happy childhood full of laughter and loving parents, little did she know. Noah and Viktoria Irwin were apart of a community of rich old people who thought it was their right to control the world around them. They did this by creating a school decades before Hayley was born, a school for Elite Girls, but this wasn’t a normal boarding school. It was a school for highly trained assassins.

Hayley was too young to know any of this but every family who was apart of this wealthy group had to ‘donate’ their first daughter to the Elite School for Girls. Hayley was a first child and her happy childhood abruptly ended when she was thirteen. In the middle of a dark moonless night Hayley was grabbed from her bed and dragged kicking and screaming out of her house with her parents basically waving her off. The next day was Hayley’s first day of hell. Hayley was scared and confused. She didn’t know where she was or why. Everyone was so mean.

Hayley soon adapted and her grades were high from the fear of what would happen to her if they weren’t. Eventually the classes got tougher and stranger like survival tactics and gymnastics. She was top of her class in each one still. She was aware that the school had their eyes on her. They would stand in the back of the room as she did her flips and stretches. Then she was given fighting classes and there was no room for failure there. Everyday she would return to her room beaten and exhausted but she never gave up and the bruises lessened with each day. Now she was giving her punches to someone else. By this point she knew what the school was really about, she wasn’t dumb. She noticed how some of the older girls would go missing for days then return with bullet wounds or they would never return at all. One day the principal of the school came up to her, she was an old woman that had seen many things and she smiled like she was going to hurt you, she said that Hayley was special and could go on a secret mission that required her help. The principal made Hayley feel special and worthless at the same time.

Hayley agreed, believing that she was ready to face a mission. Boy was she wrong. At first everything was okay, no alarms were triggered and no guards had seen her. Then when she got cocky, Hayley tripped and yelped which caught the guards attention and they chased her out of the building, shooting at her. Miraculously, Hayley survived and was able to get back to the school. She went to the nurses office immediately because she was bleeding heavily. While she was giving the principal her mission report, the principal got angrier with every word Hayley said until she couldn’t hold it in anymore.

The principal shoved the nurse out of the way just as she was stitching up a wound and the principal pushed Hayley against the medical table. The principal called for more people as she grabbed a pair of giant scissors. Hayley struggled, fearing the worse, but she couldn’t get away from the hands covering her body. She was so surrounded, covered by suffocating hands, and terrified. Hayley screamed but nothing could stop them from cutting her lips off. Her struggling was her worst enemy at that moment because it caused the cuts to be worse and more rough. Hayley fainted from loss of blood and fear.

When she woke up she thought they’d only take her lips but her throat hurt, badly. She struggled to stand but she got out of her bed and walked to the mirror in her bathroom. Hayley almost fainted again from the sight she saw in the mirror. Her lips, now replaced by many stitches and her front teeth were visible from the disappearance of her lips. She continued to look at herself and saw a bandage around her neck, she ripped it off desperately trying to find out what happened. Underneath that bandage was a newly stitched scar that crossed her neck. She tried to scream but nothing came out, not even a peep. Hayley then let herself cry, I’d been so long since she let herself cry.

It wasn’t long before the school told her to get back to work. She was given permission to wear a face mask but only sometimes. Sometimes she would be used by the teachers as an example of failure, as the center of attention. She hated when everyone’s eyes were on her. After what happened, she was determined to never make another mistake again. Hayley focused solely on her skills and her job. She became top of her classes once again. She gave her all to her missions and the missions took pieces of her. All she was was her job. All that mattered was her mission and she was just replaceable figure.

Years later, she was given a mission like any other. Kill a ruthless count? As if she hasn’t done that before. Many people wanted this count dead and that included the rich people who funded Hayley’s school. She slipped through the crowds as soon as she landed in Vesuvia, everyone in the city were too busy talking about the masquerade to notice her.

The masquerade was her perfect cover. It was too crowded inside so she decided to wait outside for this perfect moment. Once she got into position, she heard the most heart wrenching scream she’d ever heard. It echoed throughout the castle. Hayley rushed in her full sneak gear to see what had happened. Then she saw it. The fire.

Hayley had never seen a brighter fire but then she recognized the room it came from. It came from the count’s room. Hayley’s head began to fill with thoughts, thoughts of what would happen if she were to return to her school. She had failed her mission and she wasn’t able to kill him and the school would have her head if they knew what happened.

Then the only thought she had was to run and she did. She didn’t know what she was running from but she felt like running from her mistakes. She ran across rooftops in Vesuvia even after her legs began to ache. Hayley didn’t see the loose roof and it was too late when she did because once she stepped on it, she fell right through the weak wood. Falling three stories down and landing on her leg.

Thankfully she was alive but her leg was definitely broken. She tried to walk on it but couldn’t so she just sat there hoping no one would find her, a small voice inside her even hoping she would die from the blood loss. Then a figure started walking down the dark alley, Hayley tried to stand up desperately and she did right before passing out from the pain. The last thing she saw was a head full of white hair.

When she woke up, she was in a strange place. There were colorful tapestries covering the walls, weird pillows beneath her, and the room smelled like flowers. She then remembered her injury and looked down at her leg, seeing that it was rapped in bandages and had two pieces of wood on each side to keep it together. Hayley heard movement in the other room and tried to grab one of her knifes but they were all gone so she grabbed a pair of scissors and pointed it at the person coming in the room.

The person threw his hands up in the air, he had white poofy hair that reminded Hayley of cotton.

“Hey, hey, there’s no need for that,” he said calmly, “So if you could just put the scissors down we can talk.”

Hayley continued to point the knife at him, clearly not in the right mindset. She stared at this strange person and he stared back then she slowly lowered the scissors but didn’t let go of them.

“Okay, that’s good, we’re improving,” his smile was bright, “I brought you tea and new bandages. Can I give them to you?”

This was odd for Hayley, no one ever asked her anything like that. She nodded. The person approached slowly, “This is for you,” he lifted a cup of liquid to Hayley, “It’s a tea that will help your wounds heal.”

Hayley grabbed the cup but didn’t drink it.

“Maybe you’re not a tea person, I get it,” he waved his hands, “Oh, yeah, my name is Asra.” He lifted his hand for her to shake but she didn’t. That didn’t seem to bother him.

“Could you tell me your name?” Asra asked and Hayley shook her head. “Can I put new bandages on you?”

Hayley had never met anyone that asked this many questions. She looked down at her broken leg then looked back at Asra and shook her head. She couldn’t trust this man, she couldn’t trust anyone.

“Are you going to do them yourself?” Asra asked as he laughed nervously but stopped when Hayley nodded, “You can’t be serious.”

Hayley nodded once again and grabbed the bandages and began to take off the bloody ones. Asra stood in the back of the room and watched as Hayley replaced her bandages, amazed and worried how she could do that without making a noise from the pain. When she was done he grabbed the bloody bandages and threw them away.

“I don’t know who you are or how you turned up in an alleyway with a broken leg but I want you to get better,” Asra confused Hayley, what game was he playing?

“I promise you, with my whole heart, that I will not harm you nor will you be harmed in this house.” Asra placed his hand over his heart and smiled kindly, “As long as you don’t harm me.”

Hayley’s whole body stopped.......what? She couldn’t wrap her head around it. He wanted to.....help her? Who is this person?

They stared into each other’s eyes, Asra waiting for her answer. Hayley nodded slowly, believing that she would regret this decision someday.

“Great, you can stay in my bed. I’ll take the couch, don’t worry, it’s more comfortable than it looks.” Asra grinned before heading out the room.

Hayley was still shocked and....hopeful. She hadn’t felt that in a while. For the first time in years, Hayley relaxed her shoulders and fell back on the fluffy pillows, she felt safe.

Overtime, Asra gained her trust by acts of kindness that one by one broke down Hayley’s steel walls that she was trained to keep around her at all times. Hayley didn’t speak anything for the longest time before giving Asra a quiet ‘thank you’ in sign language, Asra had smiled back and signed ‘you’re welcome’. Hayley learned more about Asra by the way he lived and talked. She liked to watch him move around the kitchen as he brewed up some interesting things, he’d hum to himself a tune Hayley didn’t recognize and his movements were loose unlike Hayley’s.

Asra taught her a thing about magic too, she’d never gotten into it as her school thought it was too ‘unpredictable’ but Hayley was happy to know a spell or two. Asra taught her many other things than magic or how to make tea, he taught her how to live her own life. Hayley told Asra vaguely of what happened to her and she told him about how they took her voice away but she didn’t go into detail. He would look sad and give Hayley a hug if she wanted one.

The first time Hayley cried in front of Asra was when a spell went wrong. She’d been working hard to perfect this spell and Asra believed she could do it but something went wrong and the spell almost blew up the house. Thankfully, no one was harmed except maybe the ceiling. Hayley still couldn’t handle that she got it wrong and started freaking out, crying immediately no matter how much she tried not to. Asra was quick to tell her that it was okay but it didn’t help as all her pushed down emotions just came out as soon as the first tear fell down, like a dam that burst from a little rain. Asra sat with Hayley for the longest time, comforting her as she cried her heart out. Hayley had never been so open with someone and when the tears died down, Asra smiled and told her that she had nothing to worry about in his home. He didn’t care about her mistakes or if she wasn’t perfect. He’d even told her about some of his mistakes, like not being there for the people he loved or some doctor that he used to love. Somehow, that made Hayley feel better. Even made her feel amusement when he told her about how stupid he was when he was younger. Asra taught her that people can make mistakes, even Hayley, because we’re all human.

Hayley became very close with Asra, even one day she showed him what was under her mask.

It was late, Asra and Hayley just got done making a very late dinner. As Hayley watched Asra move around the kitchen, humming to himself once again, a thought that had been bothering her for quite some time came back to her. She waited until he came over and sat down next to her as they waited for the food to cool down. Hayley tapped him gently on the shoulder to get his attention then she had began to sign, his small smile dropping only a little from her words.

“I want to show you what is under my mask.” Hayley signed.

Asra shook his head, “You don’t need to.” He signed back.

“I want to.” Hayley was quiet after that.

Asra sat up, “Are you sure?” He signed.

Hayley nodded, “I trust you.” She said before raising her hand to the back of her ears where the straps of her mask stayed. Hayley hesitated but pulled them off slowly anyway.

Asra’s body tensed and his face immediately fell into worry. He continued to say nothing, Hayley felt the most vulnerable under his eyes.

“Oh, Hayley.” Asra actually spoke, his voice so sincere and barely a whisper.

She then felt her eyes water and break loose, she dropped her head on Asra’s shoulders and he immediately wrapped his arms around her. She cried into his shoulders, feeling like a monster. A weak and ugly monster. But she still trusted Asra to understand her pain and suffering. This person that she would have probably killed if they had met on different circumstances. His silence worried her. He had leaned his head against her head, she found his silent company to be very comforting but at this moment all she really wanted was to know was his thoughts.

“Thank you, for trusting me. I know it’s hard,” Asra said into her hair, “To be so honest.”

Hayley almost shook her head, she should be thanking him for everything. Safety, comfort, and love. All the things he taught her were okay to have.

She continued to wet his shirt with her tears, unknowingly gripping his sleeve.

Asra rubbed her arm, soothing her through this tough moment.

“I’m always here for you.” Asra whispered as if it was a secret.

Hayley loosened her grip on his sleeve and sat up, embarrassed by the wet stain she left in his shirt. Asra didn’t care about that because he continued to look at Hayley but he wasn’t looking at her scar but instead her eyes. She had never seen him so serious.

“They’ll never be able to hurt you again,” he smiled, “Not as long as I’m here.”

Hayley believed him and put her mask back on.

Hayley was never sure of how to think outside of her school. She was never given much freedom of thought, this was all new to her. What outfit to wear that day? Whatever she wanted. What to eat? Anything her heart desires. The freedom of choice was so thrilling. Being able to say yes or no was amazing. Asra was all about freedom of choice. He didn’t care if she walked around in a jesters outfit, as long as she was being herself but she never really knew what “herself” was.

One day, Hayley and Asra were walking through a rough part of Vesuvia. Hayley had asked previously if he could show her around, knowing that someone who had lived there their whole life was a good guide. She wanted to see every part of Vesuvia.

Suddenly they heard a scared scream from not too far. Hayley’s instinct took over her and she ran to the noise, Asra not far behind. She turned and turned, looking for who screamed then she glanced down one alley to see two figures. One of which was pointing a knife at the other who was a woman that Hayley had guessed was the one that screamed.

What upset Hayley the most was the way this thug’s hands were on the woman. His hand pressed up against her mouth as the other hand held the knife right in front of her stomach all while he was pushing her against a brick wall. Hayley saw the desperation in the woman’s eyes, how she kept looking around for someone to help her. Hayley needed to help her.

She grabbed the man by the shoulder and slammed him against another wall, it wasn’t enough to knock him out but she got his attention. The thug was angry, he spat curses at Hayley before lunging at her with his knife. She dodged it easily, the guy’s movements were slow and sloppy. She thought about how her school would have punished him for his movements but she shook those thoughts out of her head and hit the knife out of his hand. He stopped, surprised, giving Hayley a perfect opportunity to hit him square in the jaw, knocking him cold before he even hit the ground.

The alleyway was quiet as Asra and the woman from before stared at Hayley in amazement. Shit. She didn’t think about this. She hadn’t wanted anybody to learn about her skills.

“Thank you.....” Hayley looked up to the woman after she said that. The woman was smiling wide, most likely from relief, but her eyes were still cautious of what happened to her.

Hayley shrugged it off and turned to Asra.

“Can you ask her where she lives so we can take her home?” She signed to him.

Asra nodded and made his way to the woman, calming her while also asking where she lived. Hayley leaned her body against the dirty wall, her adrenaline still making its waves over her. She hadn’t had a rush like that since before she met Asra, she felt different now. She was confused, this new feeling was weird.

They returned the woman home safely. On their way home, Asra didn’t say a word. Not until they got home.

“You led quite the life before me.” He said as he dropped his bag on their kitchen table.

Hayley was silent. She didn’t know what to say. ‘Yeah, I’m a very good assassin. I could kill you and no one would find out.’ She shook that thought out of her head, she didn’t wanna think about that.

“You did a good thing protecting that woman today,” Asra’s voice lowered, “You have a good heart.” Asra finally looked at Hayley, seeing her staring right at him. For a moment, it was just them. Quietly standing apart and understanding each other.

Asra smiled, “Goodnight, Hayley,” he said right before heading to his room, leaving Hayley to stand alone.

That day stayed on her mind, she thought about it a lot. The way the woman was so happy, something about that look on her face wanted Hayley to make everyone happy. She couldn’t leave the thought alone. It plagued her. One day, she decided to do something. Something that she wanted to keep a secret.

Hayley had dug through her closet to the very back where her assassin outfit and her weapons sat. She had doubts the entire time she was putting it on. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she stopped. It still fit. After all this time. Her heart felt heavy when she looked at herself. She didn’t feel like herself, she felt like a silent assassin whose only purpose was to kill.

You aren’t what you’re school made you.

Asra’s words crossed her head. Suddenly she gained some confidence, realizing that Asra was right. She wasn’t a byproduct of her school. She was Hayley. A girl who likes playing the piano and making jokes with her friend. A girl who was eager to help people. She walked out her bedroom that used to be a storage room before Asra cleaned it out for her. Hayley glided across the floor, careful not to make any noise. Passing by Asra’s room, she saw the lights from his crystals underneath his door. Those were the lights he put on to sleep to.

She hesitated at his door. Should she tell him? Would he understand? She didn’t know but she did know that she had to test her theory tonight. Hayley slipped out the back door and into the street. It was basically midnight and even now the city was alive but not as much as it was in the day.

The shadows were her friends, letting her hide in the darkness. She glided through the shadows. She was looking for trouble, to simplify it. She definitely found it. A group of thugs were stealing supplies from a store that Hayley knew was controlled by a small business. That’s what made her want to do this even more.

She started with the ones farther from the group just like she was taught to do but this wasn’t for whatever pleased her old school, this was for the better.

Everything was going well until one of the ones she thought she knocked out, shouted for his friends. Hayley thought of how living with Asra had softened her punches.

The rest of them came over to her, surrounding her. She cracked her knuckles right before kicking all their asses.

They landed their punches here and there but in the end Hayley was alright even if she was exhausted.

She had tied them up for the palace knights to find them on their morning runs then she jumped on a roof and went looking for more danger.

Once she got home she was tired and the sun had just touched the edge of the horizon. She went through the back door again feeling sore all over.

As soon as she closed the door to her room, she heard Asra opening his.

She took off her outfit and shoved it back at the bottom of her closet. Wrapping her injuries right before falling onto her bed. She felt thankful for such a soft bed and felt good about herself which didn’t happen often.

One of the other reasons she started her vigilante get up was because of the justice system. Ever since the Count’s death, the city of Vesuvia had gone even more down hill. The countess hadn’t been seen outside of the palace since the count’s death and the court was left to rule Vesuvia in her absence.

They were incredibly corrupt, letting off anyone who was caught committing a crime with just a slap on the wrist if they had enough money.

This had angered many of the city folk but no one could change anything. Hayley took action, beating the criminals to a bloody pulp but she never killed any of them.

It had been a month since Hayley had started fighting in disguise. The people of Vesuvia spread rumors about her or who she might be, all of them very different from the last.

She didn’t really like the names they gave her but the most popular one was “The Shadow”. It was okay, she wasn’t doing this from the fame. She thought it was her right to help the people and to maybe even make up for all the people she hurt in her past.

She didn’t like keeping it from Asra either. Hayley could tell that he knew that something was up but he never asked.

He would find out her truth eventually.

It was a night like any other, Hayley was out scouting the city for any assholes that needed to be taken down. It was almost time for her to return home but then she saw a group of thugs smashing a building that was now unrecognizable.

What really angered her about this group was that she had just beat them up the other day and they were already out on the streets wrecking havoc.

She didn’t think straight as she left her hiding spot and revealed herself to the group.

They all smiled when they saw her and Hayley then realized that they were trying to get her attention.

Well, they had it and they were gonna regret it.

Even though the group was bigger than any other she’d faced, she had no problem getting most of them down but after a while no matter how many she downed, she was still getting hit like crazy.

Then, when there were only a few left, Hayley was kicked through a window, getting stabbed with glass all over her back. It ripped through her clothing and pierced her skin, digging deep into her flesh.

Through the pain, she knocked out the rest of them and didn’t even bother tying them up as she immediately headed for home.

Hayley left a trail of blood as her back bled from the sharp glass digging into her skin. She held her arm against the walls of buildings as she headed home. She didn’t even bother going through the back door as she stumbled through the front, the sun was almost fully above the horizon.

She slumped against the door as soon as she shut it, careful not to touch her injuries. Her hands were covered with dry blood.

“Hayley?” Asra called from upstairs and a wave of relief washed over her.

The stairs creaked under his weight, “Where have you- Oh my gods!” Asra’s face immediately turned to worry as he ran up to Hayley, “What happened?”

Hayley tried to shrug but she immediately regretted it as pain filled her every nerve.

“Come on, let’s get you upstairs,” Asra said draping her arm over his shoulders and wrapping his arm around her waist.

They moved up the stairs, Asra basically dragging her up them since she could barely hold herself up, saying a quiet ‘sorry’ every time she hissed in pain.

Once they reached the second floor, Asra placed Hayley gently onto the couch.

“I’m going to get some things to help with this, just....please don’t die on me.” He said that last part quietly as he left the room.

It took everything in Hayley to not shut her eyes and fall asleep against the soft cushions.

Asra returned before she could convince herself and in his hands were many different things, most noticeable was the alcohol.

He knelt down beside Hayley, with hesitation on his face, “I think you need a doctor.”

Hayley shook her head, doctors asked too many questions.

Asra sighed and under his breath whispered, “If only Ilya was here.”

She tried to think of who that was but her thoughts were interrupted by Asra.

“I need to cut your shirt, is that okay?” He asked, understanding her need for privacy.

After a moment, Hayley nodded.

Her body went completely still as she heard the snipping of fabric.

“You might wanna get something to bite on,” Asra said quietly.

Hayley lifted herself up with one of her arms and with the other she ripped off her face mask, not caring about her insecurities at the moment.

She gripped her teeth against the thick fabric of the pillow that was underneath her.

“Here we go.....” Asra’s warm hand set itself on a part of Hayley’s back, she could feel the magic run through his hand and into her skin, suddenly she felt much better but the pain was still there.

She felt little pinches at her skin, what she assumed to be Asra taking out the smaller pieces.

Asra’s face was stern and focused as he gently pulled out the individual shards of glass, each one of them sticking to Hayley’s skin as it was pulled out. Her flesh gripped each piece of glass as it was pulled out of her skin.

A short time past in painful silence as Asra pulled out every single piece of glass.

“Okay, I think that’s all of them.” Asra’s voice was quiet, he sounded tired.

Hayley nodded against the pillow but knew that this was only the beginning, the alcohol still needed to be put on her skin.

Asra grabbed the liquor, knowing exactly what was next. He then hesitated again. Hayley knew that he was staring at her back, maybe at the fresh wounds or the old scars.

She moved her body enough to face Asra, taking him out of his trance. Hayley looked into his eyes, face mask off, she was completely vulnerable to him and she didn’t think for one second that he would betray her trust.

Asra sat back in thought then gave Hayley a small grin, “You owe me.” He joked.

Hayley rolled her eyes in amusement than lied back down on the couch.

His hand was still on her skin, it was nice to feel a comforting warmth for once while she was getting healed. This was so different from when she came back to her school after a mission, every time she was hurt she would fear that the school would do something to her and some times they did and sometimes they didn’t.

“Are you ready?” Asra interrupted her thoughts that she usually got caught up in.

Hayley poked her hand out and gave him a thumbs up before she tucked it back and around lifeline pillow.

She heard the bottle open, a part of her nervous but she shoved that back down with the rest of her hidden emotions.

“I’m sorry.” Asra says right before pouring the liquor on Hayley’s wounds.

White hot pain shot through Hayley’s nerves as the cold liquid interacted with her open skin, it felt as if her skin was burning.

Instinctively, Hayley opened her mouth to scream but, just like other times, nothing came out. She tried to push the pain back and think about something else but the harshness of the alcohol wouldn’t let her think of anything else.

All she could focus on was the warmth radiating from Asra’s hand, that kept her grounded.

Asra continued to drop the alcohol on her skin, careful not to add too much. He soon stopped after a tense moment, sat back down on his legs and said that he was done.

Hayley was still gripping the pillow, her skin feeling as if tiny burning knifes were stabbing into her flesh.

Asra sighed, clearly he was tired and Hayley didn’t know if it was from the early morning or from helping Hayley. She watched as he grabbed the bandages and prepared them for use.

“You’re staring.” He said quietly then looked up into Hayley’s eyes.

Hayley felt a pang of guilt from the face Asra gave her, his lips set in a tight line and his eyebrows knit closely together as if in thought. She must have shown her guilt in her face because he smiled slightly.

“You could have told me,” Asra said, “Sit up please.”

With Asra’s help, Hayley sat up as gently as she could. Her shirt was basically in shreds so she tore off the rest of it, Asra looking away respectively. She turned her back to him and made sure to keep it straight when he would apply the bandages.

Asra set his hands on her back, telling her that he was there. He then started wrapping her back and began to talk.

“I figured it out after the first week,” Asra’s voice was calm, no anger or disappointment, “A mysterious yellow-eyed woman with incredible fighting skills? How could I not know?”

Hayley tensed but then realized how obvious it was.

“Also it was very unusual that I got up before you.” His hands were so gentle as if she would break if he pressed too hard, “I just wish you would have told me instead of falling through the front door with blood on your hands.”

Suddenly he stopped, “Can you help me with this part?” Hayley glanced down to see that the bandages and his hands had stopped just below her breast.

Hayley’s face grew warm and she nodded, grabbing the roll in his hand to wrap it around herself then handed it back to him so can wrap it around her back. They did this in silence until they had completely covered her injury.

“I’ll get you a shirt,” Asra said before standing and walking out of the room.

Hayley carefully got up from the couch to stumble towards the nearest mirror. A pang of familiarity shot through her when she saw her mission outfit covering half of her body while bandages covered the other half but she knew that there was something different about her.

Her face, her mask was still off. She lifted her shaking hand to where her lips used to be, now there were pale scars. She looked down at her hand, dry blood still covering it.

Asra then walked in with a new shirt, seeing Hayley staring at herself in the mirror made him frown lightly.

“I still think you are beautiful,” He stood beside Hayley in the mirror, “Arms up please.”

Hayley’s face warmed up and she lifted her arms despite how much it hurt. Asra slid the shirt through her arms and across her torso.

The shirt was too big for Hayley’s size but it was comfortable that way.

Hayley looked into Asra’s eyes and signed, “You’re wrong.”

He shook his head and spoke, “I’m not.” He turns to the mirror and Hayley follows, “I think it’s beautiful that you want to help people even enough to get yourself hurt over it.”

Hayley heart hurt from the way his voice said that last part quietly.

“But I get it,” he forced a smile, “You want to help and for that you are beautiful.”

Hayley stayed quiet staring at Asra’s face in the mirror as he spoke.

The room was now brighter from the morning sun, now higher in the sky. Hayley fought back a yawn.

“I think it’s time for you to get some rest,” Asra smiled as he gestured towards her room.

Hayley nodded, feeling her body grow heavier with exhaustion.

They walked to her room together and with Asra’s help, they got her into bed. Hayley lied on her chest, the comfortable mattress and pillows made it feel like she was on a cloud.

She felt Asra lift a blanket over her body, Hayley trying not to fall asleep immediately.

“Sleep well, Hayley.” Asra said before quietly shutting the door behind him.

Hayley had slept for hours and when she woke Asra was there to care for her despite her complaints.

It wasn’t long before Hayley was ready to go back out on the streets and Asra seemed to know as well.

He walked into the living room with his hands behind his back one day while Hayley was reading something.

She closed the book, already not happy that he was keeping something from her.

“I know you don’t like surprises but...” Asra couldn’t keep in his smile, “I couldn’t help myself.”

He slowly brought his hands to his front, revealing neatly folded clothes.

Hayley stood, recognizing the dark clothes.

“I thought maybe it could use some stitching,” He unfolded the clothes to show them off, Hayley noticing the sudden change of color in some parts.

“I may have also added a bit of color to your outfit to make you seem less scary even though that might not be what you’re after,” Asra pointed to a small stripes of green that glided down the sides.

If Hayley could smile normally, she’d be all grin at that second. She settled for giving Asra a big hug which surprised him but he was happy to receive one.

Finally they pulled away, Asra suddenly getting serious, “Don’t get hurt out there, you hear me?”

Hayley nodded.

“Pinky promise.” He pulled out his pinky.

She rolled her eyes playfully and made a pinky promise with Asra not to get hurt.

Hayley continued to be a badass crime fighter, wanted by criminals and even the guards themselves wanted her stopped.

She has yet to be caught though a trick of fate might change that....

Only in the future will we know.

#the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana oc #the arcana MC #arcana oc #arcana mc #my mc hayley #my oc hayley #hayley #asra the arcana

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lokimostly · 4 years

Text

Polaris (Ch.14/?)

Loki x Reader, Pirate!AU

Word Count: 4,013

Warnings: profanity, injury

Summary: Your life has always been set in stone. Born to a wealthy merchant family in the Caribbean, you’ve spent your years as an heiress in the daytime, escaping at night to wander the streets of St. Thomas. Now, on the eve before your life settles into mundanity for good, you discover someone who could change everything– if you choose to trust him, that is.

A/N: *evil laughter*

Chapter Two ~ Chapter Three ~ Chapter Four ~ Chapter Five ~ Chapter Six ~ Chapter Seven ~ Chapter Eight ~ Chapter Nine ~ Chapter Ten ~ Chapter Eleven ~ Chapter Twelve ~ Chapter Thirteen

Waking up to you in his arms was everything Loki had imagined it would be.

After thoroughly and pleasurably exhausting yourselves, you and Loki slept through the worst of the storm. You were still sound asleep on his chest, your breath coming out soft and sweet against his skin. Your limbs were twined and tangled under the coarse blanket, head tucked under his chin. You murmured occasionally, prompted by something in your dreams, and he stroked your hair in a slow, comforting motion. It was still raining outside.

As pleasant as this moment was, Loki’s thoughts slowly drifted away from clear waters and turned to darker subjects. If the two of you ever got back to the world – and that was a rather presumptuous if – your lives would have to change in order to survive. Loki had planned and perfected his secret trade for years under the noses of Odin and Thor; everything was watertight, every trip checked and double-checked, alibis memorized and signatures forged, all so that his ledger would remain clean. Loki existed at the center of a beautifully orchestrated web of lies. Piracy was a hanging crime; to say that one had to be cautious was a gross understatement.

You shifted, and Loki held his breath, waiting for you to settle again. Your hair tickled beneath his chin and he smirked. How someone could be so endearing while unconscious was a mystery to him; but his smile faded again, replaced once more by a deep and pensive frown.

He had to figure out where you fit in his plan. Otherwise, unlikely salvation from deserted island life would land you right back in the hot water of an arranged marriage; one that Loki doubted he could save you from without simultaneously exposing himself.

“If,” Loki reminded himself aloud, sighing and closing his eyes. He would think of a solution; he always did.

Any remaining thoughts of his were disturbed by your soft yawn and stretch, limbs shaking when you extended them. He felt you stiffen when you realized where you were, and he chuckled when you relaxed again.

You reached up and tucked your hair back, sliding off his chest and sitting up. “Good morning,” you said softly, leaning on your arm and looking down at him. Loki opened one eye and smiled up at you.

“Not quite.”

Your brow furrowed. “It’s not good?”

He chuckled, closing his eye and taking your hand in his to hold against his chest; you could feel his steady heartbeat against your palm. “It’s very good,” he agreed, “But not morning. Closer to mid-afternoon, I believe.”

You hummed in understanding and looked out through the cracks in the wooden boards. “Still raining. Do you think it’ll let up soon?”

Loki sat up and ran his hand through his hair, pressing a slow kiss to the skin below your ear, and you shivered. “Do you have somewhere pressing to be?” You scoffed lightly and pushed his shoulder, which naturally didn’t budge. “No. We just have very little to do when the weather is bad.”

“One very entertaining article was recently added to the list.”

You looked at him flatly, and he captured your lips in a kiss while you were turned to face him. It was impossible not to melt against him, and it took a few seconds – and a few more insistent kisses – before you managed to pull yourself away.

“It was,” you admitted, pushing an errant wave of his raven hair back. “Though I think you’ll understand that I’m keen on keeping my ability to walk.”

Loki smirked and tilted his head back to watch as you stood to your feet, laughing when you had to catch yourself to stop your sore legs from wobbling. Your cheeks flushed and you glared at him, but his spirits weren’t dampened in the least, and he watched you walk away with a wolfish grin that you could feel even when turned around.

Loki dropped back down onto his elbows and sighed, stretching his legs languidly like a cat. “Very well,” he sighed, running one hand back through his thick hair. “What do you suggest for the time being?”

You picked up the pair of pants lying folded on one of the barrels and pulled them on, leaning against the stone wall to roll up the cuffs. “I’m not sure,” you admitted, straightening up and putting your weight back against the wall. You covered your mouth when you yawned. “Perhaps we could–”

There was a loud rumble as the stone shifted. Loki’s breath caught as he watched the wall you were leaning against suddenly give away. You fell back with a shriek and vanished.

He leapt up, calling your name running over. Loki’s feet skidded to a stop when he nearly fell through the same hole. It was dark all the way down to the bottom, easily twelve feet deep. What he now understood to be a false wall revealed a rickety, half-rotted wooden ladder descending to the base. He could see your silhouette sitting awkwardly and holding your leg.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine!” you called, in a high-pitched tone that wasn’t to be believed. Loki quickly snatched up a piece of driftwood and tore a piece of fabric, fashioning a torch and lighting a match. The flame sputtered to life, and Loki reached forward, testing his grip on the ladder. It was concerningly noisy, but held, and he descended without any further hesitation.

You listened to the sound of the ladder shaking and creaking, until his feet hit the packed earth floor. He knelt down next to you, brushing your hair back and pulling your hand away from your leg. “Let me see.”

You didn’t argue. Nothing was broken, but pulling up your pant leg revealed your shin to be reasonably beat up and bleeding. Loki reached under your arms and lifted you to your feet, holding you against him. You kept your weight on your good leg, inhaling through your teeth and trying to ignore the sting. “Well, this is lovely,” you mumbled, your arms wrapped around his torso.

Loki didn’t reply. He was staring curiously down the dirt tunnel that travelled further than the flickering light of his torch could illuminate. His seafoam eyes were dark and focused. You followed his gaze, and then looked up at him, tightening your grip. “What is it?”

“Why dig out something like this, and then put nothing in it?” He mused aloud, blinking in the dark. He seemed to remember that you were beside him and looked down. “Do you need to be carried?”

You hesitated, and then shook your head. Loki regarded you for a moment before nodding. He offered his hand, which you took, and started down the tunnel. It was cool and damp down here. Mangled roots stuck out of the dirt walls like hands reaching out to snag your clothes, and you gripped his hand a little tighter. It smelled deeply of soil and secrets.

You could tell the gears of Loki’s mind were turning. “Do you think…” You suggested. “That this was made by the same people who stowed goods in that hideaway by the trees?”

“I’d wager on it,” he agreed grimly. His face looked sharper in torchlight. Loki’s footsteps slowed to a stop as you reached the end of the tunnel: a wall of dirt, no different than any of the other walls.

You both stood and looked around silently until your leg started to ache. “Loki, there’s nothing here.”

He tightened his jaw, brow furrowed. “That doesn’t make sense,” he murmured. “The very least I’d expect is a body.”

That thought hadn’t occurred to you. You shuddered in the dark, trying not to dwell on the idea of something as unpleasant as a half-rotted skeleton below your feet. You shifted your weight. “Well, it’s not going anywhere,” you pointed out quietly.

This seemed to rouse Loki from his stupor, and he nodded. “Yes. You’re right.” He let out a breath, releasing his pent-up frustration at the current puzzle before him, and turned back around. The two of you walked back silently, accompanied by nothing but the sound of your footsteps and the torch flickering as it burned. You reached the ladder and put your weight on it with a degree of caution, feeling your heart jump into your throat when it creaked, but you made it safely back to the top.

You sat down on the stone floor of your hideaway and inhaled painfully through your teeth. Now that there was nothing to distract you, you were reminded of the cut on your shin.

You heard the ladder shake and creak as Loki climbed up to meet you. As soon as he reached the top, he leapt to his feet and strode quickly over to the neatly folded stacks of fabric, ripping a long piece of linen from one of the sheets. You watched him move, as always, with a certain cat-like gait: his movements were efficient, but unique to him. You admired him silently. He was still notably absent of a shirt. His strong, broad shoulders tapered to narrow tips; the muscles beneath his skin flexed when he moved. It was a welcome relief to stare without having to do it out of the corner of your eye, afraid that you’d be caught; you could take him in unashamedly.

Loki did catch your gaze, but when he did he only smirked, blowing air out of his nose. “Something on my face?” He asked, returning to you and kneeling down in front of your knees. Your stomach flipped involuntarily, suddenly reminded of the last time he’d been between your legs, and you forced yourself to focus on less explicit thoughts. “I’m allowed to look, aren’t I?” You countered.

“You’re allowed to do more than look,” he agreed lowly, holding your leg across his lap as he wrapped your shin with the strip of cloth. Despite the strength you knew they were capable of, his long fingers were notably tender as they brushed your skin. A strange feeling of possessiveness rose in your chest, and you leaned forward to kiss him, pressing your lips earnestly against his.

You felt his breath leave his chest and he cupped your chin in one hand, returning your heated kiss with equal enthusiasm. When you pulled away, he looked a bit starstruck: his pupils blown and expression slack, unable to move for a moment. You’d clearly caught him off guard. He shook his head to clear it and chuckled a little, returning his attention to wrapping your leg. “What was that for?”

You smirked, leaning back on your hands. “I felt like doing it.”

He raised an eyebrow and said nothing, though you could tell he was holding back a witty comment of some sort. He finished wrapping your leg and pressed a kiss to your forehead before standing up and walking towards the pit.

You followed him with your eyes. “What are you doing?”

He knelt down and lifted his legs over the edge. “I’m going back down,” he said, like it was obvious.

Anxiety rose in your throat at the thought of being parted from him. “What if the ladder breaks? And you’re stuck at the bottom?”

He looked back at you curiously, taking in your expression for a moment. His ocean eyes flickered, and the line of his mouth softened. He returned to you and knelt down, tucking an errant strand of your hair back.

“I’m not leaving you behind,” Loki promised, addressing the unvoiced fear of yours that you hardly realized was there – but he had, in all his perceptiveness. “I won’t venture further than our voices allow. Though I know how loud you can be,” he added, smirking wickedly at the blush that rose to your cheeks.

You nodded. He stood again, walking over to the opening once more. He took up the torch in one hand, tested the ladder with the other, and descended into the dark without hesitation. You watched him disappear, and waited with bated breath.

A few seconds later, Loki called your name.

“I’m here!” you answered quickly. It was strange to talk to him without seeing his face, unable to read the micro-expressions that revealed the feelings behind his words.

“Good. Is it still raining?”

You turned your head and looked out, peering through the cracks in the wood. The giant palms were moving in the wind, but there was no sight nor sound of rain that you could tell. “I don’t think so.”

No answer. After a minute or so, you figured that Loki had ventured down the tunnel again. You sighed and laid back on the burlap, crossing your arms loosely over your chest. What is he expecting to find down there? You wondered, thinking once more of the image of a skeleton hidden half-buried in dirt. You shuddered. You liked adventure, but perhaps not that kind.

You were waiting so long that your breath started to slow. Your eyes stayed closed a few seconds longer with every blink. You were nearly asleep when Loki’s hand on your arm jolted you from rest with a surprised shriek.

He jerked back, holding his hands up in a gesture of good intention. “It’s just me.” At second glance, you realized his hands and chest were covered in dirt, and smudged on his face, too, making him look almost boyish. You sat up and pushed your hair back, rubbing the corners of your eyes. “What is it?”

He smiled excitedly, pressing his lips together, his sea-green eyes twinkling like the sun on cerulean waves. “I found something.”

A strange, contagious excitement filled your chest, and you gave him your hand. “Show me.”

Loki had left the torch at the end of the tunnel, which meant that your journey from the ladder was partly in the dark. You held tightly to his hand, which completely engulfed yours. Your eyes tried to make shapes in the dark, though you knew there was nothing but packed dirt ahead of you. When you spotted the light of the torch, flickering orange in the dark, it took all your self-control not to run towards it.

As you came closer to the end, you could see where Loki had dug into the earth. There was a pile of loose soil by one wall, and a knee-deep hole closer to the other. Loki let go of your hand and dropped to his knees, raising an eyebrow at you. “Well?”

You knelt down beside him and peered into the hole. Amidst the loose dirt and stones, there was the top of something solid, and wooden. The gears in your mind turned before suddenly coming to a conclusion, and you looked at Loki skeptically. “No. No, I don’t believe it.”

“What do you mean?” He laughed, gesturing to it. “You can open it if you like.”

“A buried treasure chest?” you said skeptically. The idea was entertaining, but that wasn’t something pirates actually did. Then again, Loki was a pirate. Wouldn’t he be the one to know?

Loki shrugged his shoulders and his raven hair fell forward. “Perhaps. Or it could be empty.” He shrugged. “What good would gold and riches do for us here, anyway?” His excitement seemed to fade at the thought, and your eyes widened in dismay. The last thing you wanted to do was dampen his spirits.

So you dropped into the hole and brushed the dirt off of the top of the wood, rapping it with your knuckles. It sounded hollow. You found the edges and dug around them, trying to find some kind of brass handle or other leverage point to lift it up. Loki stepped down beside you, his hands brushing against yours as he helped you finish digging it out. His nimble fingers found a handle on one side and pulled it up with a grunt, taking hold of both sides and setting it outside the hole. It was, sure enough, a box chest: made of old wood on its way to rotting, and metal clasps that had certainly seen better days. But the allure of what was inside it surpassed any outside impressions.

You lifted yourself out of the hole and waited for Loki to do the same, your fingers dancing to open it. He was clearly excited, too – you could see it in his eyes. He flipped the latch with a flair of drama, hovering above the lid, and with an exhale, moved to open it.

The cold and icy touch of a metal blade set itself on the back of your neck, and you froze.

“Thank you so much for doing all the hard work for us,” A low, unfamiliar voice drawled, raspy and nonchalant. Suddenly you felt like you were being suffocated by the dirt walls around you. Loki, who was within your line of sight, had a blade to his neck, too. His eyes were wide, hands raised in a sign of goodwill. You reached for him, and at your movement the blade against your skin dug painfully enough to draw a sliver of blood. You stopped with a short gasp.

“Ah, ah. I wouldn’t move without say-so. You look like the kind of woman who does what she’s told.”

Anger flared up in your chest, mingled with the bitter sting of the cut. You saw Loki stiffen and watched his jaw clench as he watched the blood bead and trail down the pillar of your neck. His eyes flashed dark with anger – but he didn’t move.

“Alright. Here’s how this’ll play out. The two of you will get to your feet, turn yourselves around, and head back up the ladder. Any questions?”

Both you and Loki stayed silent.

The voice hummed, and then turned hard. “On your feet.”

You rose so fast that you stumbled, and Loki caught you by the waist, quickly turning you around and setting you towards the exit before you could regain your sense of direction. You clung to his arm, breathing hard as panic set in. “Loki–” you began in a whisper.

He shook his head to silence you. He squeezed your arm, holding you steady, but that was all the comfort you received. Your heart was in your throat as you climbed up the ladder, shaking with every step.

When you reached the top, you were silently dismayed to find your hideaway occupied by several pirates, who were rummaging through your belongings with every sense of impertinence. They didn’t even notice you. Your anger flared again, momentarily burning the edges of your vision and turning your skin warm. This was your hideaway: you were the one who set out the fabrics, folded the clothes, helped put up the boards…

Loki was behind you, his hand on the small of your back. One glance at him told you that he felt incredibly agitated, if not as angry as you were: his gaze was hard and stormy, and he kept clenching his jaw. His muscles were taut and tense like coiled spring.

“Castaways,” the pirate behind you announced. You didn’t feel the blade of his sword, but you knew it wasn’t far from you. Everyone in the small space turned to look, unfriendly eyes set on you with malicious intent. They were all armed. You reached up without thinking to hold the neck of your shirt closed – but they weren’t looking at you.

“Bloody fucking hell,” One of the sailors said, breaking the silence, staring at Loki like he was looking at a ghost. Loki’s brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed in vague irritation, but he said nothing, letting the pirates observe him with heavy scrutiny. The sight of him clearly made them uneasy, and a few of them fingered the hilts of their swords. Panic tightened your throat.

Apparently, the one behind you was growing impatient. “You’ll have time to stare later, boys. Get a move on, and get back to the ship as quick as possible. Captain’s orders.”

The pirates resumed rummaging through your belongings. The man behind you, who seemed to be in charge, pushed Loki forward roughly to get him to move. He stumbled, catching himself on your shoulder with a grunt. You watched him tilt his chin and roll his shoulders, his fists clenched. He was going to strike him.

You quickly grabbed him by the arm, dragging him out of your hideaway, and ignoring the pirate when he laughed. “I knew you’d choose the right thing, lass.”

A thousand biting remarks were on the tip of your tongue, but you held them back. You and Loki walked through the grass, beneath the palms as they swayed in the wind. The clouds, flat-bottomed and grey, were running fast against the sky. This island, which had felt entirely like your own only hours ago, was now overcrowded and soiled by unfamiliar boot prints in the sand. There were two dinghies waiting on the shore, and a ship anchored past where the waves broke. Loki reached for your hand and held it tightly.

You got into one of the dinghies. There were two more pirates waiting there, who stared at you with hungry eyes, but neither said a word. You clasped your hands tightly in your lap until the knuckles whitened, staring at your bare feet against the floorboards. Loki sat beside you, his shoulder against yours, gazing at the ship with a stony expression.

A few minutes passed, until the rest of the crew returned with various items in tow: crates and barrels, and of course, the chest you and Loki had found. One of the sailors threw a black shirt at Loki; he caught it, pulling it on without comment. They set the cargo into the dinghies and pushed off. The man in charge – who looked just like you’d imagined him, with a black-bearded face and mean eyes – sat across from you, looking self-satisfied.

You weren’t sure if you felt like crying or not; you were in the hands of pirates, whose intentions were no doubt malicious. At least Loki was with you – but even he seemed on edge, and that was disconcerting. You watched your island grow smaller as you came closer and closer to the ship. Leaving it behind made your chest ache more than when you’d departed from St. Thomas. For all its shortcomings, being stranded on a desert island with Loki had felt more like home than your birthplace ever had.

You were so preoccupied by thought that you didn’t realize the dinghies had reached the ship until one of the pirates hauled you out of the boat. You landed on the deck and stumbled, regaining your balance and straightening your posture. This ship wasn’t so different from Loki’s – but the crew couldn’t have been starker in contrast. Every eye that turned on you felt wicked. Your heart was pounding out of your chest, telling you to run – but there was nowhere to go.

Loki’s hand gripped yours again, and you held onto it like an anchor.

The bearded man pushed him forward roughly, and once again Loki obliged. You could tell now that Loki understood himself to be outnumbered; fighting the pirates on the island would have been foolish. Fighting them here would be a death wish. As the rest of the crew unloaded the cargo, the bearded man directed you belowdecks, to a set of double doors ornately engraved. On a ship piloted by rough and rowdy-looking men, such a beautiful thing seemed out of place.

Maybe he could speak to the Captain and work out some kind of deal, you thought.

The doors swung open. Your eyes fell on the figure standing there, looking out the window, his face hidden from view. Tangled waves of raven hair, made wiry by years of ocean water, fell against broad shoulders. Dark blue sleeves were pushed up to the elbows. His scarred, weathered arms were clasped behind his back. Your heart fell with a heavy sense of foreboding: you knew, somehow, that you’d seen him before.

Or perhaps a younger version of him.

The Captain turned around, and you felt Loki freeze beside you. You watched his face pale with dread, with no sign of movement as he held his breath. You waited. The Captain smiled, wolfish and white-teethed, and your heart stopped entirely.

“Welcome aboard,” he greeted you, his words dripping with honey-coated poison. “I’m sure I need no introduction.”

~~~

Tag List (Closed): @neontiiger, @un-consider-it, @jessiejunebug, @nerdypisces160, @lokiisntdeadbitch, @e-wolf-90, @cursedmoonstone-blog, @kikaninchen-2, @bluebellhairpin, @evy-lyn, @midnight-queen-1, @travelingmypassion, @harrybpoetry, @adefectivedetective, @absolutecraziness13, @kumikokagato, @randomfangirl7, @timetraveler1978, @tarynkauai, @arcanethamin, @ornate-ribcage, @julianettedoe, @kinghiddlestonanddixon, @yespolkadotkitty, @befearlesslyauthenticc, @ladybugsfanfics, @thisisaclusterofablog, @groupies-do-it-better, @just-the-hiddles, @quenilla, @amyy-moonlightt, @pandacookieowo, @thatweirdwalangpake, @alexakeyloveloki, @littlemissporter, @yes-captainstark, @justawriterwithdreams, @beautyandflannel, @eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, @myoxisbroken, @rjohnson1280, @the-republic-and-face-of-texas, @snapessecretdiary, @sailortaylorfin, @cottoncandy1010, @androgynousdeputyfarmhero, @blackcherry26-blog, @saljstuff, @devilbat, @scarlettghost13, @arch-venus25, @wittysidecharacter, @lokislilslut, @far--and-away

#Loki #marvel #pirate!au #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x oc #loki x ofc #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #pirate!loki #au

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cantdwellonanyofit · 3 years

Text

Fic Dedicated to Stolperzunge - Ch 2.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28770078/chapters/70548765

Gene felt as if he’d been in line for days when he finally reached the ticket counter. As he spoke the words ‘New Orleans’ aloud, purchased his ticket, and turned to sit and wait for the train, he finally realized he had no idea where he was headed. Or whether Snafu even still lived in New Orleans. But he had come too far to turn back now. He couldn't imagine returning home. Couldn't imagine explaining, 'You know, I forgot I had no idea where my long-lost love lived,' to Sid without confessing the entire truth. He had nothing to return to anyway. Perhaps this could be good for him. Maybe just walking the same streets Snafu had walked would fill some of the gaping holes left in him from the war. Maybe coming home from the war had been so hard because he tried to return to his old life. The life he had before he ever met Snafu. It would be impossible for him to ever be the person he had been. Trying to fake it wasn't doing him any good.

When the train finally pulled into the station Gene had talked himself in and out of the trip about a dozen times. But he was doing this. He wasn't a quitter. He handed over his ticket and stepped up the platform onto the train. It wasn't the glamorous train they had ridden home from the war. It was cramped, and people were everywhere. Gene felt as though he couldn't breathe. He tried to take note of every exit available to him in case he needed to escape. He was catching pieces of conversations. Families trying to stay together. Men on business trips. Screaming children. It all slammed into his consciousness at maximum volume as his breathing sped up. He rushed past the seats trying to find somewhere he could be alone. Touching each seat as he passed and propelling himself forward. By the time he reached a compartment that was quiet, he had nearly reached the end of the train. He sat down in one of the empty seats by the window, and immediately propped it open. The mid-September air was still warm, like it always was in Alabama. But there was a gentle breeze that brought him some relief. He gulped it down like fresh water. He wished he had thought to bring a book or magazines. He was going to spend a day and a half with no one else for company but his own mind. This was going to be bad. He nearly bought a newspaper to read but thought better of it. He didn't want to risk reading about the war.

He sighed heavily and leaned his seat back to lay down. Then immediately regretted it and sat back up. He didn't like the feeling of not being able to see his surroundings. There were too many people around. He resigned himself to imagining what it would be like to see Snafu again. Those blue eyes. That sly smirk. He wondered what it would feel like to see Snafu outside of the battlegrounds. In America, in Louisiana, in his hometown. Wherever that may be. Gene had been a fool not to ask for Snafu's address before they boarded the train. They were all just so exhausted and ready to return home. They didn't much think about life beyond that. They had survived. It was inconceivable, unwanted, and unnatural.

Gene suddenly remembered a story Snafu had told the night of their drunken celebration with Burgie. Snafu had mentioned getting into trouble with the Baton Rouge police. Snafu had been pulled over for speeding, and when the officer approached the car window, he was met with Snafu's, “pale white ass against the glass.” As he had poetically explained it. Burgie and Gene had howled with laughter. Gene wasn't sure how Snafu managed to escape being detained, but they had been too drunk then to question it. If he were honest, Gene had been bordering on black out drunk at that point. His consciousness black spotted and stuttering like a worn-out filmstrip. He couldn't believe he remembered anything from that night. It boosted his spirits to know he had a starting place for hunting down Snafu.

He wondered if he was crazy. Obviously, Snafu didn't see fit to seek Gene out, but he didn't know what that proved. Considering Gene had just now boarded a train destined for New Orleans 7 months later. He couldn't believe 7 months of his life was already gone. It seemed he hadn't moved since disembarking the train home in February. Yet here he was, back on a train. Headed for great things or tragedy. He tried not to focus on the potential embarrassment of being rejected. What if Snafu pretended he didn’t know who Gene was? What if he was disgusted by Gene’s longing for him? And he had no choice but to accept that whatever connection he thought there was had been imagined. God would humiliate and ruin him again. He wasn't sure he could accept more of it. Maybe he'd die right there on the sidewalk in his several day-old clothes. Maybe people would just step on him as they walked by. Their feet passing through his ghostly form. The final indication that he never made it off Okinawa. And all the past several months were just the beginnings of his eternity in hell. He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the worst-case scenarios. Snafu had already rejected him once; he could surely live through it again.

---

As the train neared the terminal at New Orleans, Gene could feel his heart thumping in his throat. It didn't matter that he would just be stepping off the train to board a bus to Baton Rouge. He was virtually in the same city Snafu might be in. He may see Snafu again. He spent most of the train ride alternating between watching out the window, and fist fighting his brain into submission. Several people filed into the seats around him, and it made him more restless with every person that joined. Luckily, the person next to him had brought a surplus of reading material and offered him a book. 'Mind At The End of Its Tether," which had distracted Gene for a good half hour. And then another couple hours when his mind pondered if the book had been right. Maybe humanity would cease to exist. This aligned with his assumptions that God had expected both the Japs and Americans to die. War was everywhere. The world was on fire. And here Gene was, chasing a boy that might not want anything to do with him. What else was a guy to do during the apocalypse? He might as well get his first kiss before the world ended. Ed had poked fun at him for keeping his virginity throughout the entire war. But Sledge had also been a bit surprised and fed up with it. He wanted to forget. And he knew no better way than to give in completely to sin. The elderly woman next to him shifted in her seat, and Gene blushed. He sure hoped she couldn’t read minds. He carefully returned the book to her and thanked her.

Gene waited in line, boarded a bus, and did more waiting. Became more restless. He hadn't showered in days. He was still wearing the same clothes. At least if he ran into Snafu now, he'd be recognizable. He looked just as disheveled as he had in the war. He was buzzing with energy. Even though he hadn’t slept more than four hours both nights, he had never felt more alive. He was bordering on giddy. Finally, he stepped off the bus and into Baton Rouge. He was immediately met with traffic, people, and bright lights. His eyes landed on a Sears, and he decided he'd stop in for some clothes. He tried to imagine what Snafu would find attractive, but he had no idea if Snafu even liked men. Or him. He must've looked helpless because it wasn't long before he was approached and assisted. He considered asking, “Picture this, you decide to chase down the man of your dreams. But only after finally accepting you might perhaps be homosexual, and it took losing your entire identify in a hard-fought war to reach this conclusion. What would YOU wear?” But thought better of it.

"I'm trying to find clothing that would impress….someone." He finished lamely. He knew he looked ragged. It made him feel even more unsure of himself. "Delightful! Come this way, I know exactly what you need." Before long he was handing over money for several sweaters. Some had a chain-link pattern across the chest, while others were knit vests he could wear over the collared shirts he’d purchased. He bought suspenders, a gabardine jacket, cream trousers, and several brown and maroon pants. He delightedly purchased a couple of fountain pens and paper as well so he could write to Sid. He tucked the receipt in his pocket with the others so he could track how much money he owed Sid. There was no way he wouldn't pay back his friend. He stepped back out into the light and looked around. He needed to find a motel to stay in. He desperately needed a shower. He walked several blocks until he spotted a hotel called the 'Grouchy Hotel,' and stopped in his tracks. No wonder Snafu was the way that he was, the entire city called it like they saw it. Gene's arms were nearly numb, and he decided this would have to do. Grouchy personnel or not, he'd be delighted to check in.

Checked in, and successfully in his room, he dropped his bags all over the floor and immediately stripped off his clothes. He lingered in the bathtub, soaping up several times before feeling clean. If he was going to see Snafu, he wanted to be presentable. He toweled off, put together some of his new ensemble, and then felt at a loss at what he should do next. How was he supposed to find Snafu in this huge town? He had no idea if he had even chosen the right place. It had been one story Snafu had told while blindingly drunk. Gene’s stomach growled and he checked his watch. It was nearly 1600. He decided he’d venture back out in the street for a meal. He hadn’t eaten much the past few days. Mostly due to nerves, but he also had no idea how long he would be paying for a hotel, and they weren’t cheap.

Gene stopped at the front desk for some food recommendations then made his way out into the street. He headed towards the water, as he was told to. He hoped he would find it relaxing, and not an unpleasant reminder. He had a tumultuous relationship with water since the war. He used to love swimming, or the sound and feeling of fresh rain. But after spending months soaked to the bone, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to be wet again. He followed his nose until he had reached a pizza shop. His stomach groaned in excitement. Before long, he was seated and reviewing the menu. Contemplating whether he should buy one of everything. Suddenly a worker emerged from the kitchen walking backwards while he spoke to someone in front of him.

“I can’t thank you enough Mr. Shelton, you do great work.” Shelton, Gene thought, must be a popular surname around these parts. Great. It wasn’t already going to be hard enough to find Snafu. The odds continued to mount against him. It was likely he’d spend all this time, money, and return home just as lost as he’d been before he left. He was like a mistreated dog, returning to the only home he ever knew even though it would eventually kill him.

“It was nuthin’, Mr. Alesce. You enjoy that cool air, now,” Gene dropped his drink and didn’t even register when the glass shattered against the table, and then the floor. His Coke splattered all over him.

He’d know that voice anywhere. His head turned so fast to the side it cramped. He stood up and his chair tilted before it clattered to the floor. Time slowed; his blood rushed to his head. He was going to pass out. He turned and stared directly at Snafu, who had a faraway look to his eyes. The shattering of glass must’ve startled him. Or perhaps seeing Gene had caused the wild look in his eyes. Maybe Gene was the last person he ever wanted to see again. But in true Snafu fashion, he shook it off faster than Gene could. Someone rushed over, apologizing to Gene as if it had been their fault the glass shattered. Gene was standing in shards of it when he locked eyes with Snafu.

Those fuckin’ blue eyes. They were the same as the last time he saw them. Somewhat darker underneath from lack of sleep, but so beautiful. They stood staring at each other. Seconds, minutes, potentially hours passed. Maybe this was Gods final act. He’d let Gene have this moment for as long as he needed it, and then God would plunge him back into his home in Mobile. His chance at freedom ripped out of his hands. He’d be clawing his nails raw at the door, begging for another glimpse of the life he would never have.

Snafu was walking towards him. Gene backed up and hit the wall behind him. Then, as if the walls were made of rubber, he propelled himself forward and began walking towards Snafu. They met in the middle. Gene thought it funny that they were always doing that. Meeting each other halfway in every situation.

“You look like shit, Eugene,” Snafu smiled his stupid damn shit eatin’ grin. His attempt at a lighthearted hello.

“You—You fool. You fuckin’---Damn, piece of----. You absolute piece of---. You fuckin’…. Damn fool!” Gene’s voice was rising, and he couldn’t stop it. He knew he shouldn’t be causing a scene. He just kept hurling insults and growing louder. This is not how he imagined reuniting with Snaf’. Snafu’s smile dropped. He began pushing Gene towards the door. Gene was fighting him off. Hitting him with one closed fist, right in the shoulder, and then the other hand joined in.

“You have a great day now, Mr. Alesce. Ouais, t’inquiète! I got this handled. Merci, beaucoup. Naw, it’s on the house!” Snafu continued pushing Gene until he was out the door and on the sidewalk. Snafu grabbed Gene’s hands and dragged them behind his back until Gene was in front of him. Snafu held a tight grip on both of Gene’s biceps. “You gotta calm down, cher.”

Gene nearly fought his arms free so he could wrap both hands around that tanned throat. Cher…who the hell was he calling cher when he left Gene. Abandoned him. When Gene needed him the most, he just walked out. “Don’t you sweet talk me, you asshole,” Snafu chuckled.

“I’m not kiddin’ with you, Snafu! Why didn’t you wake me up? Why?!” Gene tried to free his arms but realized immediately it was pointless. All he managed to do was swing both men wildly from one side then the other.

“I don’t know. I didn’t think it’d matter so much to you. Just…thought you’d move on.” Snafu responded.

“Excuse me, is that supposed to calm me down because now I’m extra fired up.”

“What are you doing here?” That calmed Gene down. What a good question. What the hell was he doing here. Talking to this man who obviously didn’t think walking out of Gene’s life was much of a big deal. It seemed to measure up to swatting away a pesky fly to Snafu. He washed his hands of him, and then just continued his life as it was. While Gene’s life had completely stopped. Right up until the moment he locked eyes again with Snafu. Surely, he had broken the spell, and time would begin ticking again for him. Gene stopped struggling, and said in an icy tone, “Making a huge mistake, apparently. Let me go.”

“Now wait just a second, Eugene. I didn’t mean it how’ya heard it.”

“I heard it just fine. Let go of me.” Gene wrenched his right arm and swung both men to the right. Dangerously close to the road.

“I don’t want to.” Snafu said, matter of fact.

Gene laughed. “That’s rich. You did such a beautiful job of it the first time.” Snafu twisted Gene around so he was facing him. “Don’t mistake my absence for indifference. I-“ Snafu seemed to be bracing himself. “I’m incredible at fucking up my own life. Don’t take it personally.”

Gene hadn’t expected to hear such honestly. His mouth hung open as he tried to think of a response. He eventually just closed it. Did Snafu really think leaving Gene had fucked up his life? He seemed so aloof about it. Gene didn’t understand how Snafu could hold so much regret, and then just act like nothing was amiss when they met again.

Snafu twisted Gene back around, placed a hand on the small of his back, and began steering him. “Where you staying at? How long you been here? You really fucked up your clothes, man. I hope you got more.” Gene was barely registering his movements as he walked both men towards the direction of his hotel. His clothes. What a waste of Sid’s money. Maybe he should just walk them both to the water and jump in. Kill two birds with one stone. Clean his clothes, and the sin off him.

“I’ve been here for…Maybe a couple of hours.”

“No shit? Ain’t that somethin’. You got lucky; I’d been procrastinating this job because the bus ride here is a bitch.” Gene couldn’t believe his luck. The utter fate involved in his reuniting with Snafu. It was almost as unreal as their chance to meet in the first place. If the war had never happened, what would his life be like right now? Would he be continuing to force himself to go on dates with girls? Would he still listen to all the guys around him talk about the things they did with girls in the dark? While Gene continued to hope his innocence protected him from questioning? While Sid continued protecting him from questioning? Before long, Snafu and Gene reached the hotel. Snafu dropped his hands from Gene’s back.

“You know what brought me here? I remembered that damn story you told about mooning that police officer. That’s why I chose Baton Rouge.”

Snafu laughed loudly, “Aw, Gene, I can’t believe that. I made all that up!”

Gene nearly started laughing hysterically. Instead, an anguished cry ripped out of him and he began sobbing. Snafu was here. He recognized him. He had walked him back to his hotel. He regretted leaving Gene. Snafu looked incredibly startled and vulnerable. Like the face he wore when Gene threated to cut that Japs teeth out.

“Eugene, I’m sorry. I’m real sorry. I shouldn’t have made that up.” Snafu offered.

Gene laughed as tears slid down his cheeks, “That’s not why I’m upset.” He quickly wiped away the tears, embarrassed at losing his composure, “I don’t even know if I am upset. I just can’t believe I found you so quickly. My life stopped the second you left me on that train. I haven’t breathed in months. I feel like I died on that damn train, Snaf.”

Snafu looked genuinely confused. “Why? You have a great family. I thought….. A good home. Friends….” He trailed off. “You have so much good in your life.”

“I don’t care about any of that. They don’t understand. They can’t accept who I am now. That I’m not me anymore, and I might never be again. You were the only person to understand.” Gene paused; lowered his voice in case anyone walked by. They were in public after all. “You’re all I think about. All of the time.”

Snafu continued to look perplexed. Gene left Snafu’s side and opened the door for them to enter the hotel. “Let’s talk inside,” he offered. Snafu slowly nodded.

“Bienvenue, messieurs!” The man at the front desk called fondly. “Merci bien. Bonne journée,” Snafu responded. Gene smiled politely at the man. He was really going to have to pick up some French while he was here.

They remained silent as they walked to Gene’s room. Gene opened the door for Snafu, then quickly turned to close and latch it. When he turned around again, Snafu was on him. Pushing him against the door and touching noses with him. Snafu’s breath was a breeze against Gene’s lips. Gene forgot everything he was going to say. Every moment of sadness and despair. He forgot his own name. All he could think about was Snafu’s mouth on his.

Gene reached both hands towards the sides of Snafu’s neck. Gently touching his fingertips to his skin. Gene pressed, bringing Snafu toward him, and closed the gap. It was like dunking his head in ice cold water. He’d never felt so alive in his life. His heartbeat sped up. Warmth traveled from his mouth, down his throat, filling his chest, butterflies bounced off his stomach, and a ball of heat shot straight into his groin. He moaned in Shelton’s mouth. Snafu positioned both his hands firmly on Gene’s hips. Pulling him towards Snafu until Gene’s sticky clothes rested against Snafu’s. Gene wanted to chastise him. ‘You’ll get your nice work clothes all dirty,’ Gene thought. But he didn’t dare stop to voice his concerns.

Gene was softly rubbing his fingers along the back of Snafu’s neck, then he dragged his fingertips up along the sides. Landing in Snafu’s hair behind his ears. The curls were as soft as he imagined they’d be. He opened his mouth wider and slipped his tongue into Snafu’s mouth. Snafu moaned. Responding by sucking on Gene’s tongue and tightening his hold on his hips. Taking control of the situation. Of Gene. Gene was overheating. This was better than any fantasy he ever thought up. He must’ve said as much because Snafu chuckled.

“You think about this often, boo?” Gene brought Snafu in for another slow, open-mouthed kiss. When Gene broke off the kiss to respond, Snafu caught Gene’s lower lip in his teeth and sucked. Gene moaned and took a deep breath. “I can’t believe you left me. Left this.” Snafu seemed to be thinking before responding, which was a real first. “I thought it’d be better. For you. I couldn’t-“ Snafu struggled again to find words.

“I couldn’t stand bullshitting with you like we did with Burgie. I’d have asked you to come home with me. And I ain’t—Eugene.” He opened his arms wide, “I ain’t got shit to offer you here.”

Gene stared pointedly. “What do you think I need other than you? Just you. It’s simple as that.”

Snafu was shaking his head in disbelief, “I don’t understand you, Sledgehamma’. You got the whole world in your hands, and you’re just gonna keep chasing the one thing you think you’re missing.”

“I don’t understand you neither,” Gene retorted. “You claimed leaving fucked up your life, and you just walked away. Like you left one of your bags on the train. As if you might be able to just replace what you lost, so there’s no need to go searching for it.”

“I wasn’t interested in replacing it. I was just gonna add it to the list of irreversible mistakes and leave it at that.” Snafu reasoned.

“Why?” Gene’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.

Snafu shrugged, “I told you, I don’t know. I just thought it’d be better for you.” Gene scoffed, “Well you got a lot to learn about what’s good for me then. I can take care of myself. You just stay out of making decisions for me from now on. I’m a big boy. You should’ve at least given me the option. I’d have come home with you if you had asked.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” Snafu responded quickly. “That I’d hold you back. From moving on. From being happy. Starting over--” Gene interrupted, “There’s no startin’ over unless it’s with you.” Snafu smiled slowly, his eyes half-lidded, “You’re a real sap, Eugene.” Gene laughed. And it felt good. His stomach groaned loud enough for both men to hear it.

Snafu finally turned to look around the hotel room. Gene had left his bags scattered everywhere from earlier. “You get robbed while you was out?” Snafu teased. Gene started removing his clothes. Snafu went a bit red and turned around to offer Gene some privacy. Gene had to bite his lower lip to keep from laughing. “What’re you doing? You just had your tongue halfway to my tonsils, and now you’re protecting my modesty?” Snafu’s laugh burst from him. Gene’s grin nearly split his face. He missed this. The teasing, the laughing. It felt so good to be safe with Snafu. They could just be men. Boys. War had aged them greatly. Mentally and physically. But they still reached in and yanked out each other’s youthfulness. Their innocence. This is what he had desperately been missing.

“Shut up and get yourself cleaned up. I’m going to take you to dinner. Isn’t that how this works? Take you to dinner first before I take you to bed?” Snafu said it so matter-of-factly it was Gene’s turn to blush. “You’re an animal.” Gene kidded, and Snafu chuckled. “You chose this life, Eugene. Got no one to blame but yourself.” Snafu had no idea about the implication of those words. How true they really were. Gene had brought everything upon himself. The war, the anguish, the brokenness. But also, the joy, love, and growth. He didn’t want to imagine what his life would’ve been like without the war because then he wouldn’t be right here with Snafu. And that was a life he already tried to live and couldn’t. Gene changed out of his clothes and dropped them in the tub with some water. He soaped them up, but he doubted it’d do much. He might as well try, he figured. He quickly washed the stickiness off himself in the sink, redressed, and did a 360 turn for Snafu, who laughed. He was sitting on the bed, practicing patience as Gene tidied up. "You ready? Before the entire town closes down?” Gene crept up and stood between Snafu’s thighs, dropping a gentle kiss to his lips before standing and heading for the door. “Lead the way.” Gene had already followed Snafu to hell and back. He’d be delighted to follow him anywhere for the rest of his life.

#smutty #Whoops #Sledgefu #Eugene Sledge #Snafu #stolperzunge #*stresses out about my snafu characterization #Translations and comments are in the AO3 link #I'm too lazy to repeat myself

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fireflyfish · 4 years

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Hop on the Wen Chao Haterade Express!

Hahah! I hope you weren’t expecting something about Tano and Kenobi right? Because I have thoughts that must be shared with others and you are all my unwilling victims. Can one be a willing victim?

Episode 17: Wei Wuxian goes to the Ancient China Google School of Medicine

After Episode 16: Running and Crying; Now with Running and Crying In The Rain we left our hero sitting in a boat having an existential crisis because that’s what happens in boats in ancient China. Crises and crying. Nothing good happens in boats in Ancient Fantasy China. Wen Chao was probably born in a boat.

Wen Ning is flawless and really strong for the local Woobie Badass and carries our 200 lbs of whoopass and Mommy issues to the crisis boat and Wei Wuxian with the promise that everyone back in Lotus Pier is drugged off their asses and will wake up with the same headache I have every morning when I remember the state of the world I’m living in.

There is no ibuprofen that can save you Wen Chao. I hope you suffer you unmitigated twat. I hope you trip on every loose board in Lotus Pier and break all your toes. I hope your hideously tacky and vicious little bloodsucking mosquito of a girlfriend lands face first into a pile of fire ants. I hope...

Woah... I’m not even sure I hate Palpatine that much. Wow. Fire ants... damn. I need to calm down.

Eh-hem. So When-Will-His-Face-Make-an-Expression Zhuli is very zen about the whole thing and I just don’t get his character. What is going on? Why is he all :| when he is serving the Wen Clan? He seems so annoyed by Wen Chao, which automatically makes him better than all the other Evil Wens, but he still goes around melting cores and killing Beloved Parental Figures and having respectful dialogue like he’s not the bag man for the WORST heir to a fantasy throne since Game of Thrones. I bet he and Joffrey when to some kind of evil royal boarding school together. Ramsay Bolton was probably there too.

Then we float on a boat of sadness and pick up Yanli, who is understandably sad and say goodbye to an old lady who I think is going to die off screen? Who are you? Where did you come from? Does Jiang Cheng need to avenge you too?

The boat floats on until it transforms into a cool box carriage thing and My Perfect Son Who Gives Me Echo Vibes smuggles our beleaguered family into the earth kingdom Yiling which hold up! Isn’t that where Wei Wuxian is supposed to be like the Great and Terrible Yiling Patriarch? Where he did such horrible things like make a compass that detects ghosts and cool goth varsity flags that summon ghosts? I feel like this place is important and LOOK AT ALL THE TREES!!! *cries in Central Texan about trees*

My Other Equally Perfect Son Who Does Not Deserve This Jiang Cheng is sick and feverish and Wei Wuxian decides this is the perfect time to get him a blinging black cape with red accents and I swear I am hearing the Imperial March in the background. The I-Do-Bad-Things-For-Reasons-I-Think-Are-Good-But-Are-Ultimately-Bad-And-My-Light-Side-Boyfriend-Gets-His-Heartbroken-Because-Of-It vibe is very strong.

Anyway, Dr Wen Qing Medicine Woman shows up and looks at her baby brother and understandably gives into that sweet innocent face because Wen Ning Has Done Nothing Wrong In His Life. AND WHY THE HELL IS HE THE GHOST GENERAL?? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY PRECIOUS SON WEI WUXIAN??? DO I NEED JIANG CHENG TO STAB YOU AGAIN?

After some ancient Chinese medicine, which looks so much more pleasant than my last visit to the GP, The Radiant Goddess Wen Qing explains that Jiang Cheng has no golden core and that’s clearly bad but it isn’t until Jiang Cheng wakes up and tries to apparently suckerpunch Wei Wuxian with all his spiritual energy that we learn the truth.

Wen Zhuli is a Monster and He Hurt My Precious Child. Madam Yu energy intensifies.

So then Wei Wuxian basically badgers Wen Qing into letting him look at all her medical books and of we go into a studying monologue where time is measured in stubble and plates of uneaten food. Wen Qing is being very patient and gorgeous about the whole thing even though she knows there’s Nothing You Can Do Anakin Wei Wuxian. You Cannot Keep People From Dying Rebuild People’s Golden Cores After The Palm d’Or of Death Smacks Them.

Then Wei Wuxian makes Yanli cry and he is on my List now because Yanli is Perfect and Flawless and none of you bastards deserve her, except you Wen Ning or possibly Meng Yao WHERE IS HE? HOW DID HE NOT DIE FROM BEING STABBED IN THE CHEST? QUI-GON JINN FELL OVER LIKE A SACK OF BAD POTATOES BUT MENG YAO IS JUST OUT THERE LOOKING FOR WORK WITH A BLEEDING CHEST WOUND?

Then Wei Wuxian mentions Lan Zhan and Yanli tells him “Listen, Asshole. ACheng is Sick and trapped in an acupuncture coma because he won’t sleep, I am ominously coughing and you have HIDEOUS stubble. Your Robot Bunny Boyfriend will just have to wait. We are the A plotline in this story, not your bromance with the reserved and gorgeous nerd in the back of the classroom who knows all the answers because he’s already finished the text book. Focus on my face and my tears you idiot. You made me cry!”

Wei Wuxian understandably feels bad, sleeps, shaves and then goes back to studying after Wen “I am so going to regret this in two episodes” Qing picks up her library and decides that someone with ACTUAL medical experience should be doing some research.

Also... what is going on with those pots that Yanli and Wen Ning keep fanning? What is in those? Medicine? Ox bone soup? Poison I can give to Wen Chao?

After some more lovely shots of Yiling that REALLY make me want to hire their set designer to build my dream house, Wei Wuxian finds the wooden scroll book “How to Give Your Core To Your Adopted Brother Because You Have SO Much Guilt And Also Your Promised Your Adopted Father Figure You Would Take Care of Him And They Don’t Have Talk Therapy In Fantasy China Yet”.

There is some dramatic sitting, some dramatic “Hell No I am not doing this” on Wen Qing’s part and lots of “No, really, you have to do this. I am totally okay sacrificing for the Jiangs because it’s REALLY going to make everything hurt so much worse later on when ACheng murders me to death on the edge of a cliff on Mustafar Quishan”

Wen Qing is probably thinking of all the horrible ways this could go south and is trying to be An Adult when Wen Ning shows up and is pure and good and full of faith and devotion to Wei Wuxian and I think I need to send a clone extraction team to rescue my poor baby boy.

Unable to withstand the purity of Wen Ning’s smile and because the script says she has to Wen Qing agrees and gives us some ominous stats and Wei Wuxian is cool with that because “It might work and if it doesn’t who cares? Wen Chao is going to show up at any minute to murder us and probably you and Wen Ning and then Lan Zhan will show up with his Guzheng (yes I did have to google that) Of Pretty Magical Death and then we’ll just have to wait for the next episode after that where everybody magically survives except all the people *I* like because that’s how these things go.”

WHEN DOES WEN CHAO DIE? HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GET FROM LOTUS PIER TO YILING BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE IT’S TAKING WAY TOO LONG AND I AM SO VERY WORRIED ABOUT YANLI’S COUGHING. WHAT IS THE STYGIAN TIGER AMULET AND WHEN DO WE GO BACK TO THE FUTURE??

WHEN DOES WEN CHAO DIE??????

#No Spoilers please!#The Untamed #Wei Wuxian: The Grandmaster of Bad Life Choices #Jiang Cheng Deserves Better and Needs Therapy #Someone please give Yanli Padme's cell number. These two need a girls' day out #Wen Qing you need to grab your adorable baby brother and GTFO out of Ancient Fantasy China

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shit-timsteph-probably-said · 4 years

Text

Wheels Up, Wheels Down

@river9noble Finally, here it is. Sorry it took so long.

After constant begging and a few empty threats from his mother, Timothy finally gave in to his mother’s pleas to travel across the country to tour a college he could attend after graduation. What she didn’t tell him was that they would be traveling by plane. Tim hated flying. It was his worst fear, far worse than his fear of the dark when he was seven, which rivaled Indiana Jones’ fear of snakes.

Despite the encouraging words of his family, Tim still couldn’t silence his fears of flying. The mere thought of being over 100 feet above the ground made him shiver, how was he supposed to be able to survive over 30,000 feet? All he wanted to do was stay on the ground, where he knew it was safe. But what he didn’t know was that this trip wasn’t going to be anywhere close to what he expected.

He spent the weeks leading up to the trip in many failed attempts to either get the trip cancelled or altered to means of ground transportation. He pretended to be sick, but his mother saw directly through his charade. Tim tried scheduling an ACT test for the time of the flight, but he was way past the registration deadline. He even struggled in an attempt to fake a flight cancelation. But as hard as he tried, there was no way for him to escape this trip.

The day of reckoning finally came. As the car pulled into the parking area of the airport Tim could feel his stomach do flips that would put a gymnast to shame. When he finally felt the strength to start walking towards the terminal, his family was already halfway to the door, he felt as though he was going to be stuck in this moment forever while they were moving at hyper speed.

In extreme contrast, both the ticket and TSA lines had gone by in a flash but left him with confusion as to why they had to confiscate his water bottle. He wondered how a water bottle could even be slightly dangerous to steer his thoughts away from the impending flight, but that only made his nerves worsen to a point he never thought possible. He felt as though he would puke, but he had not been able to eat for the past two days, so he was left with the nausea without any way to counteract it.

Then came the excruciatingly long wait at the gate for the plane to arrive. Time again slowed itself to a crawl, refusing to speed along as it did earlier. Without any way to distract himself, his thoughts drifted to places he never wished to visit. Visions of every small detail that could go wrong leading to a multitude of disasters filled his mind and he was powerless to stop any of them. After he had gone through at least 30 of these scenarios in his head it was time to start boarding the plane, more paranoid than ever before.

Tim lived in a family of 5, so this meant that on a plane that had 2 seats per row one person would have to sit with a stranger. Since his parents had to each sit with one of his little brothers to keep them from fighting, this meant Tim would be stuck for the entire flight next to someone he had never even met before. As he took his seat, he wondered what kind of person he would be stuck with. Would it be a sweaty, middle-aged man who had never been introduced to deodorant? Or would it be a 5-year-old that couldn’t stop screaming? He didn’t know which of the two would be worse. He finally decided that the 5-year-old would be worse, at least a smelly old man wouldn’t kick the seats in front of them, or so he hoped.

A few minutes passed and the seat next to him was still empty. Out of nowhere the seat was taken by a blonde girl about his age in a purple hoodie. She introduced herself.

“Hi! I’m Stephanie, but most people call me Steph. And you are?” Her hand was extended to him in a friendly fashion.

“Tim... ” he said as he reluctantly shook her hand.

“You seem a little bit nervous Tim, is everything alright?” said the girl.

He responded, “Honestly? No. This is my first time flying.”

“Wow! First time flying, huh? Must be exciting?” she said enthusiastically. The look on his face was enough for her to realize that was not the case.

“Sorry. I keep forgetting that some people don’t get as excited about stuff as I do,” she said with a hint of sorrow in her voice.

“It’s alright,” Tim said convincingly, “I just don’t like the idea of flying, I’m kind of terrified”

“Is that so? I might be able to help with that!” she said as her voice returned to its usual joyfulness.

He was intrigued. How would she be able to help him conquer this fear? Hadn’t he already tried everything possible? Nothing ever seemed to work. So, he asked, “How do you plan on doing that?”

“Simple,” she responded, “Just watch and learn. So where are you headed?”

He was confused on how this was supposed to help, be decided to play along. “My family,” he pointed at them on the other side of the plane, “wants me to tour a college out of state, and for some reason we have to fly.”

“Hmm, what college?” she asked inquisitively.

“University of Gotham,” he answered. “Why is it important?”

“No way!” she exclaimed “I’m going for a tour there as well.”

And before they knew it, the two were so deep in conversation that neither noticed that the plane had already taken off. Their discussion lasted for nearly the entire flight, only to be interrupted by the on-flight meal service. The topic changed constantly, whether it was about their favorite classes in high school or what their dream career was, it always kept the undivided attention of the two teens.

Before they knew it, the flight was coming to an end. As the plane landed, Tim finally realized something, he had gone the entire flight without freaking out. This was a huge deal for him, and the one person he had to thank was the girl he had just met a few hours ago. As they walked off the plane together the pair swapped phone numbers and said their final goodbyes. But this would definitely not be that last time Tim and Stephanie would cross paths.

#timsteph #tim drake #Red Robin #stephanie brown #batgirl #spoiler #au

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otterandterrierwrites · 4 years

Text

{Hungry hearts} XI. Chowder and fortune cookies

A/N: Hungry Hearts is back! This is my loose interpretation of the March prompt at @hanleiachallenge: luck. It’s set during the EU novel Razor's Edge by Martha Wells, one of my favourites. I’ve always wanted to write something set in this little getaway. I'm thinking there might be one more chapter set on Hoth before ESB, then we'd move to the trip to Bespin very briefly and then jump to post RotJ, but I'm open to suggestions!

also on Ao3 // FFN

***

From the main hold, Chewie growled that there was food now but there wouldn't be for much longer so everyone better hurried up. Han rolled his eyes at the threat as he wiped the worst of the grime off his hands and face before taking a quick detour to the 'fresher. Like the big fuzzball would ever let the princess starve.

He ran into Her Worship herself on his way out of the cabin as she waited for her turn to wash her hands, Threepio tottering behind her. Thankfully, the usually oblivious droid marched on.

'Excited to see what he brought this time?' Han asked, dawdling by the open hatch.

'So far, yes,' Leia said from the 'fresher, 'although I'm a bit concerned he might start to push it soon, you know? Raise the stakes?'

'Oh yeah, I hear ya. That's definitely a concern.'

She raised an eyebrow as she joined him back in the corridor. 'Thanks, that makes me feel better.'

'Well, hey, he's never fed me anything I couldn't keep down,' he reassured her.

'Has anyone ever told you you're possibly the worst motivational speaker in the galaxy?'

The smell that greeted them as they gathered around the Dejarik table told them that, once again, Chewie had hit the mark.

They had taken a short time away from the hustle and bustle of the Rebel Alliance's fleet, hoping that the crew of the Aegis —a gunship of surviving Alderaanians who had turned to piracy after the planet's destruction—would rendezvous with them to join the cause. Two days ago, the Millennium Falcon had landed on a small trading port in Wroona, one of the Alliance's message drop points, and waited.

Han was very much okay with that. After the craziness of their last mission—nearly blown to space dust by Imperials, fighting a killer mining droid, being captured by a sadistic Lorddian pirate, nearly blown to space dust by the Imps again , all in the span of a couple days—he thought a vacation was long overdue. They couldn't go out sightseeing, or motosurfing, but he was happy to just spend some time not being shot at. Leia had probably figured that out when she'd asked him and Chewie to come with her. That, and the fact that they didn't have any duties lined up, since they were not part of the Alliance.

Chewie had taken out three round styrofoam containers out of a bag and set them on the small checkered table.

'[I hope you like Wroonian seafood chowder,]' he told them as Han and Leia slid onto the bench. '[You can go get food yourselves next time if you don't.]'

The creamy broth had chunks of frella fish and shucked nyorks with diced vegetables, and it was so delicious that nobody was in any hurry to relieve the Wookiee of his food-picking duties.

'Gotta love sea ports,' Han commented between mouthfuls. 'It could be the poorest, murkiest place, but they'll know their seafood.'

'[Oh yeah? Here I thought you would never forget about Venonduri,]' Chewie said with a titter, making Han moan with chagrin.

'What happened?' Leia asked, looking between the two friends.

'Not a story you wanna hear at lunch, Princess, trust me.'

Leia made a face. 'Oh. Got it.'

'But Princess Leia, perhaps it would be useful to know more about Venonduri!' Threepio chimed in. 'What if we visit it in the future?'

'We'll just refrain from ordering any seafood, Threepio,' Leia told him seriously, making Han and Chewie laugh.

Leia seemed to be in good spirits so far, but Han wondered how much that would last if the Aegis failed to show up today again. He knew she would act like it was no big deal in front of everyone else, but it'd be eating at her inside that she had personally failed to sway them over to her cause. Han was good at being the subject of Leia's disappointment in that department.

At least they had come to an unspoken truce after their trip to Odona, although that was another thing Han didn't know for how long it would hold. That mission, just the two of them scouting the planet's unpredictable polar continent as a potential new base, had also been kind of a mess. Not only had that one featured multi-eyed monsters and old acquaintances with a grudge, but Odona had turned out to be non-viable for the base. Also, he and Leia had snapped at each other most of the time. That wasn't anything new; they had been snapping at each other since the moment they had met—but then, for a while, they hadn't, or not as seriously and constantly, at least, and it had been nice. Then they started doing it again, but things were different from what it had been like in the beginning, and their fights took longer to digest, and while they did, they corroded Han's insides a bit, like acid. It wasn't like he set out to fight with her, either, but that's where they seemed to land anyway.

Han knew where this ended if they chose the alternative to fighting. He'd been there a couple of times, and sworn he never would again.

'We certainly don't get much fresh fish these days,' Leia said with a sigh then, dabbing her mouth with a paper napkin.

'We can get some before we go,' Han offered. 'It'll keep for one meal at least, for when we get back.'

'Oh, I could ask but I don't think they will clear an expense like that. Fresh fish for the whole fleet… that's not going to be cheap.'

Han frowned. Who said anything about fish for the fleet?

'Right. I wasn't—never mind. Fish ain't that expensive here, Princess, especially if you buy in bulk. Wouldn't hurt to ask.'

After lunch, Leia went back to her work followed by Threepio, Chewie to his tinkering (he always found something to "improve" on the Falcon ), and Han decided it was a good time to delete outdated and damaged files in the ship's navicomputer, a task he always thought he should do one day but never really wanted to. An hour later, he was bored out of his mind.

Getting up from his chair, he stretched his arms up with a groan. He took the long way back to the main hold, peeking into the crew quarters as he passed by. No sign of Leia there. She was not working in the communal area, either, but he did find C-3PO uttering suggestions nobody had asked for. That was weird: Leia had brought him along to help her with work and kept the droid with her at all times. Even though Han knew she grew tired of his constant chatter sometimes, she had promised him and Chewbacca that Threepio wouldn't get in their way.

As Han walked in, he caught the droid jumping back as Chewie roared in annoyance from inside a maintenance hatch.

'Oh dear, there is no need to get so worked up, Chewbacca,' Threepio said. 'I was merely saying—'

'Goldenrod,' Han interrupted, 'd'you know where's Leia?'

'Why, yes. The Princess said she was going out to get some fresh air.'

Alarms set off in Han's brain. 'Outside?'

'That is correct. She said not to worry, she would stay quite close to the freighter.'

'Yeah, alright. Better go check on her anyway.' Thinking it would be better for all if he kept his friend from tearing off the droid's arms during this trip, Han said, 'Are you any good with computers, Goldenrod?'

He didn't have to worry: Leia was sitting on the dock just outside the Falcon , the pant legs of her jumpsuit rolled up as she dipped her feet in the water. She was leaning back on her elbows, basking in the sun, and when Han walked closer, he realized she had her eyes shut and a peaceful look on her face. Despite himself, his stomach felt as if he'd skipped a step, and for a moment he just stood there, staring at Leia.

She rarely looked that relaxed and content, seemingly free of worries, of pain. Anyone who walked by could have mistaken her for a regular crew member, catching a bit of sunlight before rocketing back to the stars and to the next port. Not a princess. Not a survivor, an enemy of the Empire, a rebel leader. Just a young woman enjoying the sea.

She deserves this , Han thought, even though he generally didn't think much about who deserved what because he knew the galaxy didn't work that way. What he could do was grant her the solitude she had sought out, though, so he stepped back. He didn't think a single board had creaked under his boots, but it wasn't the first time Leia's hearing appeared to be better than most humans. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him.

'Is everything okay?' she asked, sitting up straight. Han knew what she was hoping to hear.

'Yeah. Sorry, didn't mean to get in your way.'

'You're not,' Leia told him. Her shoulders sagged a little before she leaned back and closed her eyes again. 'Come here and take your boots off, the water is so lovely.'

'Uh, if you're sure.'

Boots and socks were ditched, and Han joined Leia on the dock, pulling up his trousers. The coolness of the water felt wonderful on his bare feet; it was no wonder it had been enough to make Leia at ease.

'Oh hey, Chewie got us these,' he said, suddenly remembering. From one of his vest pockets, he took out two crisp-looking cookies and handed one to Leia. She gave the treat a small, delighted smile.

'Fortune cookies. I haven't had one of these in years.' She took the wrapper off the folded wafer and tucked it in her pocket, then looked expectantly at Han. 'Go on, let's crack it together.'

Han held the cookie between his thumb and index fingers and broke it, catching the crumbs in his other hand. He pulled out a thin strip of flimsi from the wreckage. As he cleared his throat, Leia cried, 'Wait, wait!' and covered his fortune with her hand.

'I'll read yours and you read mine,' she said at his confused look. Han had never heard of people doing it that way, but he swapped with her. Leia nodded for him to go on.

'"You will take a pleasant journey to a place far away",' Han read. He looked at the view around them, then raised his eyebrows at Leia. 'I think this prediction came a little late.'

'Maybe it's talking about my upcoming expedition to Hoth.'

'Oh no. Please tell me you're jokin', Princess,' Han begged.

'Better start airing those warm layers, flyboy. Okay, now yours.' Leia cleared her throat and squared her shoulders, looking at him for a few seconds with a pretend air of wisdom. '"You may want to run, but you should stay and fight."'

There was a pause.

'What?' Han watched her face, and caught her tell: a subtle flaring of her nostrils that meant she was bluffing. He narrowed his eyes at her. 'That what it says, huh?'

He dove to wrest the strip of flimsi out of Leia's hand; she shrieked and pushed a hand against his chest, and they struggled for several seconds until Leia gave it up. She laughed, her cheeks red from the effort. The last time she had blushed that badly, they had been crammed in the Aegis ' refresher, the only place that had been private enough for them to discuss sensitive information. He hadn't been very relaxed, either, as the warmth of their bodies had made the tiny hiding place suffocating. In spite of the uncertainty and danger of their situation, it had been near impossible not to follow the trail of a drop of perspiration down her collar, the movement of her lips as she talked, the curve of her falling braid as it fell on her shoulder. He had been nearly jumping out of his skin with the increasing need to kiss her, to touch her.

Realizing he had been staring at her for too long, he looked away as Leia brushed some wisps of hair behind her ear, and read his fortune aloud.

'"Enjoy yourself while you can".' Han frowned and looked at Leia again. 'That sounds like a threat.'

She shrugged, popping a piece of cookie into her mouth.

'Should have stuck with mine.'

'Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't ya?' Han muttered. He picked apart his wafer, the tiny printed messages still clutched in one hand. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as Leia finished the rest of hers, swinging her feet in the clear water.

It had been three years since a farmboy and an old wizard had hired him for discrete passage to Alderaan. Where would he be now if he hadn't taken that gig? Dead, if he hadn't managed to get anything else to pay off his debt. Even if he had, Jabba would have dropped him anyway, as he was not in the way of giving second chances. Then he would have looked for jobs somewhere else, gone back to his old haunts. Made new friends that he wouldn't trust as far as he could throw them. Found someone to warm his bed at night, someone who wouldn't care that he didn't care one way or another to overthrow the Empire. He could have kept doing what he had been doing for the rest of his life.

But he had met Luke, and he had met Leia, and no matter how hard he'd tried—although, if he was honest with himself, which he wasn't, he had not even tried that hard to forget about them and leave them behind. And he didn't exactly hate the Rebellion—the pay was basically nothing, there were people who didn't like him much, and as the latest mission had proved, it wasn't free of backstabbers—but he had to admit it felt good to stick it to the Empire. It gave him a purpose like he hadn't had in a long time.

Mothma had offered him a colonelship some time ago. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to quit the games and take it. He'd have to ask Chewie before he made any decisions, but he knew how that conversation would go.

It would be one hell of a peace treaty, for him and Leia. It would be one more gamble.

For now, Han lay back on the dock and closed his eyes, soaking in the sun's warmth. He would enjoy himself, while he could.

#han x leia #hanleia #hanleiachallenge #han solo #leia organa #han and leia #star wars fanfiction #verse: hungry hearts #2020 #period: pre esb #rated T #series #one-shot

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gffa · 5 years

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You have great taste, so I was wondering if you have any fic recs for the OT trilogy? Specifically with Vader? Your recs are the reason that I no longer eat or sleep and exist entirely of off Ao3.

Thank you, that’s very sweet of you! I’m glad to help with the “I should be sleeping but who am I if I’m not staying up way too late to read just twenty more chapters before finally collapsing into unconsciousness, like, WHO AM I AS A PERSON if I’m not doing that?” because I don’t want to be the only one!So, here, HAVE SOME VADER FEELINGS. And some occasional post-Vader feelings, but that were meant to take place near the end of the OT. This is specifically for Vader fics, but if you want other OT-era stuff, like with Luke and Leia, just let me know. ♥VADER & LEIA FIC:✦ Just a Little Bit of History Repeating by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & leia, 3.7k “I’m in charge of security, Your Highness,” Vader said, haughty and automatic, and had to shove away a sudden onslaught of memories. It was this building, he thought, and the presence of a small brunette senator with a smart mouth. That was all.✦ Father’s Heart by FernWithy, anakin & leia & ocs, 38.8k During Princess Leia’s teenage years, she discovers a friend in an unlikely – and disturbing – person: Lord Vader. ✦ Leave Me, Oh Love by AceQueenKing, han/leia + anakin & leia, 3.2k “No offense,” she said, “but I’m not in the mood to deal with you right now.” “Leia-” Vader said, but she held up her hand. “Of all the dead people in my life, you really are the one I least want to see right now.” ✦ The Tyranny of Kinship by amarielah, anakin & leia & luke & han & obi-wan & rex & ahsoka & cast, 23.6k wip The presence of an Alliance mole aboard the Death Star leads to Bail Organa learning quickly of his daughter’s capture. With the dissolution of the Senate, only one option remains for him to save her life: telling Vader the truth of her parentage.✦ on the day… by victoria_p, anakin & leia & obi-wan & bail/breha & cast, 6.4k Darth Vader eavesdrops on a very interesting conversation.✦ which grows higher than soul can hope by victoria_p, anakin & leia & luke & han & cast, 8.6k “If Vader captures you, if he threatens to torture or kill you, you tell him you’re Padmé Amidala’s daughter.”✦ Everything That Rises Must Converge by victoria_p (musesfool), obi-wan & anakin & luke & leia, 5.1k In which Leia makes it to Tatooine’s surface after the Tantive IV is boarded, and nobody is prepared for this particular family reunion.✦ I Won’t Disturb the Slumber of Feelings That Have Died by Darkmagyk, anakin & leia, 1.6k Leia Organa is no angel. ✦ Clarity by Orange_Clown, anakin & leia, 1k By the time that the Imperial Forces landed on Hoth, Leia was the only one left on the base. ✦ Flesh of My Flesh by igrockspock, anakin & leia, 3.6k Leia was not adopted. She was stolen in the middle of the night and registered to House Organa with forged papers. This was kidnapping, a class one felony, and her parents could be executed – unless she returned voluntarily to her rightful father. Immediately. A man called Grand Moff Tarkin explained this to Leia when she was eleven years old.✦ Carmine by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia, 2.7k The Princess stirs, waking; her eyes catch him at her door and her face darkens, ready for a fight. ✦ The Trick is to Keep Breathing by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia, 3.3k She’s older now, and so is he. Far older now. She wonders: will he have lost any power with his age? Will he be shorter, weaker? An old man on a ventilator?It’s hard to imagine that he won’t still be dangerous. But then, that’s exactly what she’s counting on.✦ Hear Me by crowleyshouseplant, anakin & leia & luke & cast, 3.2k Leia struggles to reconcile Luke’s experience with his father and hers with Darth Vader.✦ In Which Vader Discovers He is a Father by glompcat, anakin & luke & leia & cast, 27.7k A collection of (mostly self-contained) AUs where Vader learns about his kids earlier than he did in the canon timeline. Exploring both that moment of initial discovery, and the way the story unfolds after Vader finds Leia and/or Luke. ✦ deep as a secret nobody knows by victoria_p (musesfool), leia & anakin & obi-wan & luke & han & bail & cast, 6.3k “If Vader captures you, if he threatens to torture or kill you, you tell him you’re Padmé Amidala’s daughter.”✦ daughter of mountains (the flesh and bone remix) by darlingargents, anakin & leia, 1.4k Vader was Leia’s father, too. To die by his side would be the greatest honour.✦ The Gifted Child by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia & bail, 2.3k Bail Organa watches his daughter navigate Coruscant society. So does Darth Vader.✦ Siren Song by madame_alexandra, anakin & leia, 1.8k Lord Vader has a crippling headache, and the source of it fascinates him.✦ The War at Home by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & leia, 1.4k He’s been there for all her other losses, so it feels right for him to be here for this one, too.VADER & LUKE FIC:✦ Sibling Revelry by frodogenic, anakin & luke & leia & cast & ocs, 25.5k After Bespin and before Endor, Darth Vader is shocked to discover that Luke and Leia are twins. He’s even more shocked when Imperial Intelligence reports that Organa and Skywalker are, erm, a tad closer than previously suspected. ✦ Limpet AU byfrodogenic, anakin & luke & mara & piett & cast, 69.8k AU. Darth Vader, having survived the Battle of Endor, proceeds to get himself and his ship lost in the Unknown Regions for twenty-five years. When he returns, he finds the Empire has fallen, the New Republic is in force, and he himself has a new role to play…Grandpa. If you have ever wanted to see Vader vs. toddler, this is your story. Fluffily humorous.✦ a walk on part in the war by victoria_p, anakin & luke & leia & ahsoka & cast, 10.3k Luke considers this family reunion far more successful than the one in Cloud City. At least this time, no one loses a hand.✦ In Loco Pirates by izzythehutt, anakin & luke & cast, 34.9k A down-on-his-luck Hondo Ohnaka manages to capture the unicorn of all bounties–Luke Skywalker, which sends Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, on a painfully familiar trip to the planet Florrum to collect his prize. The failed negotiations leave Vader in the awkward position of being stuck in a besieged pirate bunker, trying to balance keeping his wayward child safe (and in his custody) with controlling the tongue of a loose-lipped pirate who–to the surprise of no one–has a bad habit of telling ‘amusing’ anecdotes from the Clone Wars.✦ Deja Vu by SkippingSteppingStones, obi-wan & anakin & luke, 2k When Darth Vader is roused from sleep by a sob he feels strangely connected to, he is compelled to find its source.✦ Two and a Half Men (with a baby) by jerseydevious, obi-wan & anakin & luke & piett, 5.5k wip After a long day of bargaining with Hutts and attempting to ignore his past, Darth Vader is nearing the end of his rope. When he discovers his two-year-old son, it’s the straw that breaks the semi-rational Sith Lord’s back; in a rash act worthy of the Skywalker name, he scoops his son into his arms, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, and punches in random hyperspace coordinates to a destination on the other side of the galaxy. Unfortunately, father and son are not the only ones on the ship.✦ The Family Tree by frodogenic, vader & luke, 12k In which Luke Skywalker is stranded in a tree waiting for a flash flood to recede. Too bad he’s got company… Post-ESB oneshot, can be read as canon-compliant.✦ Out of the Darkness and Into the Sun by Spongyllama, anakin & luke & leia, 2.7k Luke is desperate to keep his father alive after Endor, but he’s the only one who thinks Vader should be allowed to live.VADER & AHSOKA FIC:✦ trade your heroes for ghosts by victoria_p (musesfool), vader & ahsoka, 1.5k Vader presents Ahsoka with an ultimatum. ✦ memories like ashes at our feet by ambiguously, anakin & ahsoka, 4.2k Darth Vader was gravely injured in the explosion of the Sith Temple. Now Anakin Skywalker has no memory of what he’s doing here with Ahsoka.✦ the stillness of remembering by darlingargents, anakin & ahsoka, 2.3k A few years after the rise of the Empire, Ahsoka starts to have a recurring dream ✦ Balance Point by Vinyarie, anakin & ahsoka, 34.3k Ahsoka wakes up trapped beneath the rubble of the Sith temple on Malachor with the man currently known as Darth Vader. He’s a Sith lord who has done some truly awful things, but she’s certain that some part of him is still Anakin Skywalker, and she’s going to convince him of that. No matter how many times he tries to kill her for it.✦all the words i once believed by darlingargents, anakin & ahsoka, 6.8k Anakin Skywalker wakes up after fifteen years with a body that isn’t his.✦ Precious Illusions by amarielah, anakin & ahsoka, 2.4k In the aftermath of their confrontation on Malachor, Ahsoka pays Vader a visit. From a certain point of view.OTHER OT/VADER FIC:✦ Not Placid Stars But Singularities by iceplanet, anakin & cast (obi-wan & luminara & ahsoka & darth plagueis), 6.2k In the weeks after Mustafar, Vader must come to terms with his new body and the remnants of his past. In the process, he has a few conversations that he does not expect. ✦ Salvage by SharpestRose, obi-wan & anakin & luke & padme & shmi & qui-gon, 4.6k Obi-Wan thought he’d seen the worst of what Anakin was capable of. Obi-Wan’s not entirely right about that.✦ Wrong Number by Siamesa, obi-wan & anakin & luke & yoda & owen/beru, 3.4k In hiding on Dagobah, the Lars family aquires a holocom. Things go horribly wrong.✦ Surrender to the Light by Raven_Knight, obi-wan & anakin & luke & qui-gon, 1.1k Ben Kenobi knew exactly what he was doing when he saw Luke watching his duel with Darth Vader.✦ Domo Arigato, Mr Roboto by amarielah, anakin & sam & dean & cast, crossover, 16k wip When Sam and Dean investigate a spate of Vader sightings in a remote Wyoming town, they discover that – this time – they’re hunting the real deal. Vader, meanwhile, has to adjust to a world that seems designed to piss him off. All while trying his best not to strangle the Winchesters.OBI-WAN & VADER FIC:✦ Cold by Yesac, obi-wan & anakin, 5.4k Luke wasn’t the only one that Obi-Wan visited after he died. ✦ Betrayal: A Love Story by Shiny_n_new, obi-wan/anakin, 2.7k wip A week after he kills Obi-wan Kenobi, Vader realizes he is being haunted. ✦ untitled by phosphorescent-naidheachd, obi-wan & anakin, ~1k All you really need to know is that Obi-Wan’s ghost is in the slow process of haunting Vaderkin back into the Light during the original trilogy. ✦ Until Their Dying Breath by Down the Rabbit Hole, obi-wan & anakin, 1.1k Vader’s ghosts are complicated. Set between The Empire Strikes Back and The Return of the Jedi. ✦ You Can’t Front on That by victoria_p (musesfool), obi-wan & anakin, 3.9k When he hears Kenobi’s voice again months after killing him, Vader wonders if perhaps he’s begun to go mad.✦ Replaceable by amarielah, obi-wan/anakin, mildly nsfw, ~1k He buries hands of flesh in thick, auburn-colored hair. He knows this is a dream. ✦ World Come Undone by crazyundeadfairy, obi-wan/anakin & luke + background anakin/padme, 68.3k wip Unexpected things happen when ObiWan takes Luke to Tatooine. ✦ Second Chances by Driverpicksthemooseic (Ratkinzluver33), obi-wan/anakin & han/luke & leia + cast, de-aged fic, 106.3k wip Leia wasn’t convinced inviting evil incarnate to join them in fighting the Empire was exactly one of Obi-Wan’s brightest ideas. ✦ Everything You Wanted by obaona, obi-wan & anakin + background anakin/padme, 11.3k A RotS AU. Anakin is now Emperor and has captured ObiWan. But things are never that simple …✦ Back Drifting by puts foot in mouth, obi-wan & anakin, de-aged!obi-wan, 20.4k wip After falling on Mustafar, Obi-Wan awakens to the dubious reality of being trapped in the cloned body of his child self, and now has to cope with the reversed father/son relationship fostered upon him by the new Sith Lord.Darth Vader redemption story. ✦ Disjointed by Ha_neul, obi-wan/anakin & luke, 2.1k Returning to Tatooine to erase his past, Vader reunites with his old lover and their son. ✦ closing in by SpaceTimeSkywalker, obi-wan/anakin, 1k Anakin and Obi-Wan were already long gone at that point, as their souls had perished together in the lava and amidst the acrid smoke; and all there was left was their shells, empty, remembering fragments of happier times that had long since passed. ✦ Obikin Drabble by fn_6969, obi-wan/anakin, ~1k Anonymous prompt: “fic idea- darth vader thinking about obi-wan oh no”✦ we were born for better days by FireflysLove, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 3.6k wip Obi-Wan attempts to save Vader from the Dark Side, but the Rebellion, especially Bail Organa and Ahsoka Tano, are not going to believe that after a decade of terrorizing the galaxy, Anakin Skywalker can possibly be saved.✦ Sear me pale sun by liv_k, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, bittersweet themes, 9.8k “So here we are, a failed Jedi, a Sith, and our imminent deaths. I leave it to you to choose how we will meet our demise, whether fighting or doing something else entirely.”✦ my heart is an echo chamber by Burning_Nightingale, obi-wan/anakin, 3.4k Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader don’t meet again until their final confrontation on the Death Star. Not in person, at least.✦ They rhyme by liv_k, obi-wan & anakin, 5.2k Past and future, darkness and light, despair and hope meet one last time.FORCE GHOST ANAKIN FIC:✦ can’t carry it with you by irnan, obi-wan & anakin, 2.2k So oneness with the Force is found in a field now? ✦ The Moment You Know by tricksterity, obi-wan/anakin & luke & leia, ~1k A short, alternative ending to Return of the Jedi and the appearance of certain Force ghosts on Endor. ✦ The Last Temptation of Anakin Skywalker by theascetic, obi-wan/anakin, 4.9k wip Obi Wan gives, and Anakin takes. ✦ Ghosts Can Become One by Lilly_Thoo, obi-wan/anakin, 1.3k Anakin and Obi-Wan bicker a little bit. ✦ Complexities of Love by agentjedi, obi-wan/anakin, nsfw, 7.5k Anakin comes to terms with his new existence, and learns new lessons in the Force in a most unusual way. ✦ Salvation by Spongyllama, obi-wan & anakin & cast, 6.8k Following his death, Anakin isn’t quite sure if he’s in heaven or hell. Not that he’s ever really believed in either. ✦ i wake up more awake than i’ve ever been before by ShakyHades, obi-wan/anakin, 1.1k He missed their bond and camaraderie, the times they trusted each other with their lives. It hurt, seeing Obi-Wan and remembering how Anakin was the one to destroy everything the other had held dear, including himself. ✦ Dig the Grave and Let Me Lie by de_corporis, obi-wan & anakin, 1k “Anakin,” says Obi-Wan again, and slides one hand up to cradle Anakin’s cheek. “I am so very proud of you.” Obi-Wan welcomes Anakin home. ✦ Died last night in my dreams by SquaresAreNotCircles, obi-wan/anakin & qui-gon & yoda, force ghosts, 2.2k Obi-Wan sipped his tea and stared morosely out into nothing. “Become a force ghost, he said. It’ll be for the good of the universe, he said.” ✦ Strange Meetings by gilestel, luke & ahsoka & anakin, 2.9k Luke almost didn’t notice the figure cloaked in white who stood before the charred remnants of the pyre in which he had cremated his father’s empty armor.✦I Never Knew You by Ibelin, anakin & kylo ren, 3.8k After the defeat at Starkiller, Kylo Ren is on his way to Snoke to complete his training and, during meditation, he gets a visit from someone he’d always wanted to meet. It doesn’t go as well as he’d hoped. Be careful what you wish for - especially when what you wish for involves Darth Vader.✦ I Never Knew You by Ibelin, anakin & kylo, 3.8k After the defeat at Starkiller, Kylo Ren gets a visit from someone he’d always wanted to meet. It doesn’t go as well as he’d hoped. Be careful what you wish for - especially when what you wish for involves Darth Vader. ✦ Let the Past Die by Ibelin, anakin & leia, 2k Anakin’s Force ghost has scared Kylo Ren. When he visits Leia next, it’s his turn to be scared.✦ we are here and it is now by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & rey & luke, 3.5k “So either you’re not here or you’re not living,” she says. “I’m definitely here,” he replies, and there’s amusement in his voice.✦ And There Shall I Find by ambiguously, anakin & leia, 5.6k After her shuttle crashes on a desolate world, Leia has only one person to keep her company. ✦ Drowned in Moonlight by scarletjedi, anakin & leia & cast, 3k Leia Dies. What, like that was going to stop her?✦ learn to live with what you can’t rise above by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & leia, 1.9k Leia doesn’t have time for the ghost of her dead father, except when she does.

#obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #luke skywalker #leia organa #ahsoka tano #darth vader #fic recs #star wars fic recs #long post

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theritualofourexistence · 3 years

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Odes to Old Gods

I started this year intending to journal about things I survive. Then at the end of the year, I could look back on my challenges and think about them in a more positive way--wow, look at what I overcame! The plan was to document everything, both good and bad, so that I could think about them more as experiences and lessons learned than as... good and bad.

Needless to say, I stopped keeping track of those things in April.

Earlier this month, I pulled out the journal again to update the list. I ended up quitting on that too.

I do think, though, that in a less chaotic year, thinking about my life this way would be good practice. So, here I am, sharing my list with you in the form of an end-of-year, wrap-up blog post.

A few quick caveats:

This year was hard for literally everyone except maybe Jeff Bezos.

It is not healthy to compare challenges or struggles or suffering.

I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy... I believe that being vulnerable is a very important part of the human experience but we can all also use a reminder that we never really know all of what anyone is experiencing. We shouldn’t need that reminder to treat others with love... but the older I get, the more I think those reminders might be necessary.

Things I have survived in 2020:

- A bit of a stalking experience in January which has since been resolved.

- Losing my job, hunting for a new job, securing a new job, training for the new job.

- My first Harry Potter tattoo for my ten-year tattooiversary.

- The fires in Australia.

- An absolutely wonderful trip to NYC with my dad when I got to see both Beetlejuice and Hadestown and have an enormous strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Junior’s.

- Losing Kobe Bryant.

- Parasite absolutely CRUSHING the Oscars.

- Having a really, really good visit with my grandparents in March before all hell broke loose.

- Weinstein being convicted and sentenced.

[Everything after this point happened during a global pandemic.]

- Losing Grandmom. I was unable to attend her funeral and still have not had the chance to grieve this loss with my extended family.

- Losing my health insurance.

- A Zoom party for my Grammy’s 80th birthday.

- Losing Breonna Taylor. And George Floyd. And so, so many others. This is the first year I have really committed to understanding the current race-related issues this country faces and BOY, do we have work to do.

- The stress but success of orchestrating a safe family trip so that I didn’t have to go an entire year without seeing my brother.

- Losing my shifts at my primary job due to virus-related concerns.

- Countless other family happy birthdays over Zoom.

- My 60-year-old mother returning to work face-to-face with a student population that largely ignores all virus-related guidelines despite her working tirelessly for months this spring to offer UHS providers an adequate work-from-home option.

- Being diagnosed with hypertension.

- A nightmarish friend trip. Despite our best laid plans for a safe and healthy visit, Mother Earth decided to trap me 90 miles north of my best friends for 4 days. I eventually got to see them for about 12 hours and honestly, it was worth it. That is the only time I’ve gotten with them all year.

- Losing Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

- The selection of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court.

- Our sweet girl Clio being diagnosed with a seizure disorder and then coming down with a life-threatening upper respiratory infection.

- Learning that my grandmother would be voting for Trump in the 2020 election.

- The actual election.

- Losing Rooster, my sweet, sweet boy.

- Learning that my uncle has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

- Missing Thanksgiving with my extended family.

- Getting really excellent holiday gifts for my favorite people.

- Missing Christmas with my extended family.

- Safely spending some holiday time with my immediate family.

That is FAR from everything. But I don’t have the energy? Capacity? Time? to sort through everything.

Here are the things from this year that I am still currently surviving:

- A global pandemic! And all the associated chaos. With my asthma and high blood pressure and obesity, I am considered high risk and am still not able to safely return to my primary job.

- Hypertension! More on this later.

- Grieving Rooster. In the days after we said goodbye, I wrote a memorial that I will eventually share here. Psychology has recently analyzed data suggesting that losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a relative... I have never felt grief like this. It’s been over a month. I cry every night.

- Managing Clio’s health. She is still adjusting to her seizure medication, which she gets twice a day, and is still on medication to help with lasting symptoms of the respiratory infection. She is fussy about food and her weight fluctuates a lot week to week. She is also a feral rescue who has only ever been handled by me, my mom, and our vet. If mom and I are ever going to vacation together again, we will need to find someone who can manage catching and pilling her twice a day... no easy feat. Fortunately, at the moment, vacations aren’t really a thing for either my mom or I and I am working hard to approach these concerns in a cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it way.

----

This year has been overwhelming. The last two months alone have been overwhelming. And they would’ve been overwhelming without the added spice of a global pandemic. The number of Americans we have lost to this virus has doubled since I last posted here in mid-August. Some time this week we are likely to reach a point where we’re losing 4,000 Americans per day. PER. DAY. This year has been overwhelming.

----

There were some good things this year, of course. I am so, so thankful for all the time I got with my immediate family and the very brief but vital time I got with my friends. Fortunately I am only ever a text away from my closest friends and we are able to message pretty much every day. I am also extremely glad to have found a place in the fantasy enamel pin community. The family I’ve found in pin-land has carried me through some of my lowest points this year. I spent more time in view of the ocean than I typically do in a given year... even though much of that time was still riddled with anxiety. I did art this year. I read books this year. Some really important ones, in fact. If you read nothing else in 2021, read The New Jim Crow. I also got tattooed! I’m going to include those here because I think the significance of each reflects something interesting and important about all I have survived and am surviving this year.

----

In January, I got my first Harry Potter tattoo! My favorite quote from the entire series is delivered by Hagrid during the Triwizard tournament:

”What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”

I got that incorporated into a tattoo. In January.

Also in January I got a “Prisoner of Donuts” tattoo... because life just wouldn’t be manageable at all without donuts.

In March, I got a bird of prey carrying a book to represent one of my all time favorite poems, “On Thought in Harness” by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The final lines of that poem:

“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen. Depart, be lost, but climb.”

In July, I was able to safely navigate getting a tattoo that symbolizes the saga told in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. LOTR is my first and oldest fandom and the story is still so, so important to me today. The lessons I learned from Tolkien when I was a kid also carried me through some of my hardest moments this year.

Also in July I got a Plumpy tattoo. That’s right. Plumpy. From Candyland. If you haven’t played the game in a while, you may not remember Plumpy. He’s one of the first characters you meet on the game board... and one of the worst cards to see when you’re close to winning the game. You could be three damn squares from the finish line and pull the Plumpy card and back to the beginning of the board you go. Plumpy is a really great reminder that even when we have no choice but to lose ground, we can gain that ground back again. And hey, once you pull the Plumpy card from the deck, you likely won’t see him again for a good long while.

In October, I was able to safely navigate getting my second Harry Potter tattoo. Neville has always been one of my favorite fantasy characters and I chose to carry him with me permanently. His courage, despite so, so much bullshit, inspires me every day. I also got a nautical tattoo for my mom’s ancestors who came to this country and fought in the Revolutionary War. Just as my family has a long and proud history of fighting for what matters, I too will carry that banner, even if it looks very, very different in the modern age. My third tattoo of the appointment is a cuckoo holding playing cards, a nod to one of most important stories I’ve read: Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” This book has informed not just my personal journey with mental illness but my passion to work in the field as well. My final tattoo of my October appointment, less than a week before the 2020 election, is a weeping Lady Justice.

----

This year has made me look critically at things I very comfortably ignored for a long time. I would hope that it has done the same for most of you. Very little if any of this year was easy for me... but the most important lessons are never easy to learn. I’ve spent this year more worried and more angry than I’ve ever been before... and all I hope to do moving forward is use that fear and that anger to make this country, this world, a better place. Miss me with your resolutions this year. Every single day we should prioritize surviving and treating others with understanding and active love. I worked hard to do that this year and I will continue to work hard to do that every day. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll be dragging as many of you as I can on this journey with me. If you really feel the need to make a resolution this year, resolve to learn. Resolve to understand. Resolve to read The New Jim Crow and then TAKE ACTION. Take action with your votes and your voices and your money. Resolve to act.

----

This year wouldn’t let me escape it without being put on blood pressure medication, despite my best efforts to lower my blood pressure without it. Although I had gotten back down into a healthy range for a few weeks, RBG’s death and the landslide of utter shit that followed that completely wrecked all the progress I had made. I’m not happy about adding a new medicine to my regimen. I’m not happy about adding a new chronic diagnosis to my already lengthy laundry list. I did not expect 30 to look like allergy pills and three daily moisturizers and foot stretches and Metamucil and acid reducers and migraine medication and iron supplements and six prunes a day and chronic pain and blood pressure medication... but here we are. I’m exhausted from working so hard to be healthy just to have all that work not be enough. I feel very much like my body is giving up on me... and that is a feeling I am struggling with a lot right now. My soul is a vibrant but powerless passenger in a car speeding towards the edge of a cliff.

I’ll keep trying though. I start my new medication tonight. Hopefully it helps. Hopefully the side effects are manageable. I don’t really feel like I can handle much more... but I guess we keep going until we can’t.

----

I have no expectations for 2021 to be better. I don’t have much hope for it to be better either. This vaccine will saves lives and that’s really good news. But a lot of other things will be difficult, will stay difficult, will become difficult. I’m going to try to keep fighting, and I hope you do too.

“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”

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backtothestart02 · 4 years

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If Only She Knew - 3/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: Another commission, this one by Jehna for Bella (who I think is @theparadoxofwriting??). I hope you enjoy!

*Many thanks to @valeriemperez for beta’ing.

...

Chapter 3 -

Barry was in hell.

Unable to look away from Iris’ cute butt as she walked in front of him, he was just glad Joe wasn’t along for the walk to the lake which Iris had insisted her best friend take with her.

It was tradition, after all, that they go check out the campgrounds as soon as the tents were set up. Joe was dozing in a hammock, as he tended to do once they had a chance to relax. His only request was that they come back by sunset so they could all have dinner together. Other than that, they were on their own.

Barry groaned inwardly.

It wasn’t just Iris in those short, short jean shorts that nearly had the bottom of her butt cheeks peeking out that threw Barry for a loop. It was the dark hair that lay just past her shoulders, and the smile that always took his breath away every time she turned back to look at him. And those eyes – God. He’d do anything she asked of him when she looked at him with those eyes.

Which was pretty much how she’d gotten him to go on the short walk to the lake to begin with.

“Oh, Barry,” she said, coming to a halt and staring, breathless, straight ahead.

Barry forced himself to look away from her and straight ahead where she was gazing, awestruck. She clasped her hands together and giggled a little.

“Well, come on!”

She grabbed his hand and sprinted towards the beach. It was the smaller one, so there were only a couple people and they were on the other end.

“We have to come here at sunrise, Bear.”

He groaned inwardly. “Iris, you know I’m not a morning person.”

She shrugged, unthwarted. “Neither am I. You know that. But…sunrise.” She gestured to the lake and wiggled her fingers, smiling like the silly, unbelievably attractive teenager she was.

“Okay,” he said, with a lazy grin. “You win.”

“Yes!” She pumped her fist, then dragged him along again. She kicked off her shoes, then encouraged him to do the same. “Let’s walk around the lake. We can walk in the water where the sand disappears.”

Reluctantly, he went with her, then nearly jumped out of his skin the first time he had to dip his toe in the water.

“It’s freezing!”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Baby.” And jogged ahead in the water till she was knee-deep and on to the next beach.

The bottom of Barry’s board shorts got wet in the process of following the girl of his dreams, but he held his breath, counted to ten, and forced himself to go after her. Despite his longer legs, Iris easily beat him to the next beach. She stood there laughing at him and covering her mouth as she did so. Barry glanced down at her legs, soaked and dripping from the knees down, and found even that to be a turn on.

“Tomorrow we’ll go swimming,” she said, looping her arm through his when he’d joined her. “And you’ll have to go fishing with my dad or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

Her hip lightly brushed his as they walked, and he knew this trip would be the death of him. He knew it like he knew equations and science and the origin of species and diseases which Iris would wrinkle her nose at. He knew it like he knew his own name.

And sleeping in the same tent with her? Good God, he would not survive this.

“The lake is pretty,” he allowed, forcing himself to pay attention to the nature around them and not to what her close proximity was doing to him.

“Mhmm. Told you.”

“I suppose waking up at the crack of dawn to see the sun rise over the water wouldn’t be the worst thing.” There was a grin in his voice, and Iris’ eyes sparkled when she turned to see it.

“It’ll be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, Barry. Trust me on this.”

Second most beautiful, he nearly said out loud but then stopped himself.

He could not reveal his feelings for her. He could not. It might ruin their whole friendship, and with them living in the same house, there was no way he could allow that. He couldn’t lose her, no matter the cost. And besides, she’d never consider him for a boyfriend. She was so far out of his league that he didn’t stand a chance.

But man, the things she did to him.

“We should find sticks,” he said, to get out of his own head.

Her brows furrowed. “Sticks? What for?”

“Marshmallows!”

“Oh! For s’mores!” she declared excitedly, and he nodded. She grabbed his hand and turned them around. “Come on, we have to go back to get our shoes. Then I know exactly where to go.”

He had a pretty good feeling where she was thinking, especially since they went to this same campground every year. But he let her pretend it was a surprise to him.

Before he could chuckle at the irony of the situation, he realized that in order to get their shoes, they would have to go back into the cold water.

“Iris, maybe we could just… I mean…”

She spun around from the distance she’d gained on him, already ankle-deep in the water.

“What?”

He gestured to the road at the top of the hill. She rolled her eyes.

“What are you going to do tomorrow when we go swimming?” she deadpanned. “Which, by the way, isn’t optional.”

He sighed, giving up the fight, and walked to where she was. She smiled brilliantly.

“You don’t want to walk on a gravel road anyway,” she said, pulling him along. “You’d get cuts on your feet.”

Barry decided not to mention the fact that the part of the road they were close to had been smoothed over with asphalt. She was too happy and carefree that he was coming with her, he couldn’t bear to disappoint her.

“Am I right or am I right?” she asked as she trudged through the knee-deep water again.

His eyes landed on her jean-covered butt again, and the temperature of the water soon left his mind.

“You’re right, of course,” he said, tugging his long t-shirt down to cover the start of his second boner that day.

“Of course I am,” she beamed, and he just thanked his lucky stars she didn’t turn around again until they reached the first beach.

She would absolutely, 100%, be the death of him.

…

The sun had started to set by the time Barry and Iris came back from exploring the campground.

“Where have you two been?” Joe asked, grilling some hot dogs and burgers over the campfire pit.

“Just off exploring,” Iris said.

“Oh, yeah? What are all those sticks for?” Joe asked, catching sight of the numerous ones in both Barry and Iris’ hands.

“Marshmallows, what else?” Iris asked, and Joe and Barry shared a quick look, nodding knowingly.

“Of course,” Joe said complacently and turned his cheek towards Iris so she could press a quick kiss to it.

“Dinner looks great, Joe,” Barry said, practically salivating.

Joe looked amused. “There are some chips and soda in the back of the truck if you guys want to grab them.”

“Oh, come on, Barry! Let’s go!” she said, excited as she’d never seen her to get chips and soda.

“What has gotten into you?” he asked her when they found the stash exactly where they’d been directed to. He couldn’t help smiling at how bubbly she was, but he still wondered why.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, sounding just a little bit nervous.

Barry shrugged. “You’re just so…excited.”

“I’ve always loved going on our family camping trip.”

“Well, yeah, but…”

“What?”

“This year you seem extra excited.”

She shrugged. “I guess I have good reason to be.”

“Yeah? And what’s that?” He couldn’t help leaning in.

She tuned to look up at him. For a moment she could hardly breathe. He was so close. Then she shook herself out of it, wondering what had gotten into her.

“I…” she cleared her throat. “Am going to hike to the top of Devil’s Canyon,” she said.

Barry’s eyes widened. “You are?”

“Yep,” she popped the ‘p’. “And you are coming with me.”

He paled just before she snatched up the chips and soda and headed around the vehicle.

“I- What?!”

“You’re not telling my dad either.”

“Iris.”

She started to hum to herself as she neared where her father sat cooking their meal.

“Iris!”

He ran after her, determined to dissuade her, but she was already sitting and munching on a hot dog by the time he reached her.

“Son, you look out of breath. Why don’t you sit down? Have a hot dog,” Joe said, looking at Barry somewhat concerned.

“I… Oh, all right.”

He took his seat on the other side of Joe, ignoring Iris’ brief frown before her expression morphed into pure bliss.

“It’s going to be a beautiful sunset,” Joe remarked when he’d finished his dinner and was starting to put things away. “You two should go down to see it.”

Barry interrupted Iris before she could agree with her dad.

“I think we should all go!”

Iris looked at him curiously. Joe mirrored her gaze.

“You’ve been napping and setting things up all afternoon, Joe. You should come enjoy the nature part too.”

“I guess you’re right, Barry. I think I will. Then when we get back, we can make smores.”

Barry grinned. “Sounds great.”

But Iris was strangely silent, and Barry knew with every fiber of his being what she was thinking.

That he was up to something.

She wasn’t going to accuse him of that in front of her dad, though.

Instead, she helped clean up, and a little while later she caught Barry’s glance as they were walking down to the lake with Joe at the lead. She saw him grin and immediately frowned. He sidled up next to her and lowered his voice to a whisper.

“What’s the matter, Iris?” he teased, hoping to get a rise out of her after she’d burdened him with the secret plan that Joe would no doubt hate if he knew. And forbid. “Don’t sunsets get the same appreciation as sunrises?” He winked.

She huffed and walked away from him, swaying her hips as she did so, almost as if she knew it would get to him.

And that, Barry realized, horrified him the most.

...

*Also posted on AO3 and FFnet.

#westallen #fanfiction #backtothestart02 fanfiction #westallen fanfiction #if only she knew #chapter 3 #fic commission #by jehna #for bella

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komkommertijd · 4 years

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Toronto Log Day 1

July 7, 2019

Looking at the date today and realizing that it’s really been a year since my summer holiday adventure feels so unreal but I really am motivated to start this little series here today. A few days ago I made a post asking about who would be interested in reading about the weird things I got up to while abroad and I was so happy when I received some answers - I’d probably write this anyway even without anyone paying attention to it, because this is mostly still a thing for myself to relive all the happy moments, but it’s nice knowing that someone cares.

This entire thing started back in 6th grade when I accidentally started getting addicted to sports of all kinds of forms. Ice hockey has always seemed cool to me and it felt fairly easy to get into it. I don’t know why or how it happened but from day one until today, I’ve always supported the same team in the NHL, despite all the pain it inevitably comes with. The Toronto Maple Leafs just had something about them, looking back I’m pretty sure that this “something” is Mitch Marner, that made me want to get into the sport more. Ever since then, my love for the city started growing and it is still always expanding day by day.

Toronto just drew me in, in a way no other city ever managed to, so when I turned 14, the idea of going on an exchange trip slowly started forming in my head. My English at the time was good for the average 8th grader and I had the best teacher ever that year, who further encouraged me to spend some time abroad - he even talked to my mother about it when she dropped me off for a field trip one day.

I already knew that I wanted to go to either Canada or Australia, but obviously it’s not the smartest idea to send a young kid on a day-long plane trip on their own and Australia seemed like the smarter option to visit for an entire year instead of just a few weeks during summer break. When I stepped up to info points at a language exchange fair in my Maple Leafs jersey, it was pretty clear where this was going to go.

The months leading up to the trip were a weird combination of excitement and anxiety, getting a passport, doing a language test, booking a flight. I still remember receiving the email of my eTA being approved barely six days before leaving the country.

After a road trip from the most Eastern end of Germany all the way to Frankfurt Main, plus staying a night at my godmother’s place, right after the last day of school, the big day finally came. The airport in Frankfurt is the largest one in Germany and therefore quite overwhelming when one is confronted with it for the first time. To make things worse, the police had to close some part of the airport so I had to find a way around that area to get to the baggage drop-off. The lines divided into flights to the US and flights to the rest of the world, so my mom got in line with me and my brother. The worst thing was saying goodbye to them in front of the safety check and I swear I cried harder than ever before.

The fear of being on my own settled slightly after I survived the security check and got in line to get my passport checked but inevitably returned when I noticed that boarding would start soon and I had no idea which gate to go to. The guy behind the counter was really nice, telling me to have fun in school in Canada before I was allowed to leave. I arrived at my gate literally right when boarding started and somehow got to my designated seat without too much trouble. It was my first time ever leaving Europe, ever flying on my own and spending more than three hours on a plane, and I was weirdly hyped. I survived the eight hours on my way across the Atlantic Ocean with some actually tasty food, three cups of coke, half a liter of water and not a single toilet break.

Seeing the CN Tower during the landing approach made me a lot more emotional than I wanted to be. It’s still surreal to think that all of this actually happened and seeing the skyline live for the first time is something I’ll remember forever. It was warm when I got out of the plane at around 6 pm and tried hacking the airport WiFi to text my mom that I arrived safely (it was 12 am in Germany, sorry mom). Going through the procedure of declaring my goods was something new entirely and I guess I would’ve died there if my English wasn’t on a general level of acceptance. The guy filling out my form looked at me like I was trying to prank him when I told him that the only real good I was sneaking into the country was mustard (the present for my host family because my home town produces one of Germany’s most well-known mustards, it’s weird) and he struggled with trying to read my German papers about the travel details but ended up figuring out that I wasn’t lying about staying three weeks to waste my summer vacation in school on the other side of the world.

I somehow found the woman in charge of coordinating our shuttles to our host families or the student’s residence, depending on where each of us chose to stay, and followed her outside into the mess that was the traffic right in front of YYZ. I met another German girl there and started talking to her for a while until we got scolded for not talking in English. The Italian students continued arguing about God knows what while I tried to calm myself down as I watched an Audi drive by - a bit of familiarity 6.5 thousand kilometers away from home.

My legs were cramping and my sweatpants started feeling a bit sticky in the unexpected warmth of the evening and when I dragged my way too huge suitcase up the driveway of a house in Etobicoke, not too far away from the airport, it all started feeling a bit too real. My Brazilian host family welcomed me with open arms and to this day I’m glad that I got to stay with them, considering all the horror stories I got to hear the following weeks from other students.

I shared a room with Alicja, a Polish girl my age from Warsaw, who reminded me a lot of one of my classmates at first and turned out to be quite a lot more similar to me in some ways than I would’ve expected. We ate our first dinner together and tried to figure out how the hell to get to Adelaide Street East in the middle of downtown Toronto before I spent an hour trying to understand the TTC and almost getting a panic attack about how to use the PRESTO card, which occupies some space in my wallet to this day.

Luckily, our host mother sent us some directions for the following day and provided us both with a token each to get to school after we exchanged numbers and set up a group chat. We figured out that getting to school would take us an hour and a half at least, so we strategically set our alarms to 6:45 am to catch the right bus at 7:20. I was exhausted when I crawled into bed that night with my left leg still cramping once in a while but not jetlagged at all, which seems concerning in hindsight. I struggled with plugging my phone charger into the adapter plug before plugging that into the actual socket and shivered for quite a while before being able to fall asleep - our air-conditioning was broken for some reason and provided us with true Canadian winter vibes (it’s the only way for me to validate the “I survived Canadian cold” button on my backpack).

It felt weird, falling asleep in a bed in a country so far away from home with no one I know around, in a comfortable bed with my favorite pillow that I take everywhere tucked under my head. I arrived, finally, after dreaming about it for so long, and despite not seeing literally anything but the suburbs and some streets so far, it oddly felt a lot like coming home.

#that ended up being way too long i apologize #writing this made me miss toronto so much :(#anyway i hope you like it so far!!#thanks for reading this until the end 🌻#toronto shenanigans™#i apologize for my weird english sjdhs

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ratwrites · 5 years

Text

Unexpected Happy Ending 1/2

Masterlist.

Requests.

Prompt/s: “Are you afraid of me?” “Did you feel it too?”

Summary: Killian loses his ship to Captain Black Beard. As a punishment Killian is tossed overboard in dangerous waters only to survive with the help of a stranger. Mate AU?

Warnings: Some angst, injury,

Pairing: Killian Jones X Mermaid!Reader

Word Count: 7,787

A/N: Another idea that was hanging around in my notes. I really wanted to give this a shot. I do NOT claim any of the characters, but I do claim the mistakes you may find ;-!

Humiliation. That is all Killian had left. His hand and hookless hand was tied securely behind his back keeping him in place. His crew stood across from him surrounded by the enemies crew. “What a sight to see,” a deep voice purred. A familiar foe paced around him crouching down in front of him. “I never thought I’d see the day where the great Captain Hook would be brought down so easily,” Black Beard sneered. Killian made his choice. He spat. Black Beard flinched back and slowly wiped his face. “You’ll come to regret that Hook,” he snarled. With a swift movement his hand struck Killian’s cheek his ring leaving a scratch across it. Killian fell over with the force of the blow. His crew yelled against their gags. “Silence!” Black Beard yelled, as he stood. “This is my ship now, and this is my crew! Anyone who says otherwise can walk the plank!” He added, whirling around to face Killian’s crew. “Now get back to work!” He snarled. The crew did what they were told ignoring Killian as they went. Black Beard approached Killian and ripped him from the ground. He dragged him below deck and into the Captain’s office. He locked the door and pushed Killian down onto his knees. He paced around him before plopping down behind Killian’s desk. “So, Hook, what shall I do to you first?” He asked. He pulled Killian’s hook from his belt and began to twirl it in his hands. “Kill me and get it over with,” Killian answered, hotly. Black Beard laughed. “Oh I have no intentions on killing you dear boy, I’ll leave that to the mermaids,” he smiled, wickedly. Dread washed over Killian. He’d lost men to the mermaids before and it was one of the worst ways to go if you asked him. He pulled on his bonds briefly. He’d tried already, but wanted to try again just in case. “Luckily for you, Captain,” he mocked. “Mermaid Bay is a three day trip. Enjoy your last days alive.” He stabbed the tip of the hook into the wooden table and stood up. He paced around Killian. He crouched down in front of him again grabbing his chin and bringing his head up. He chuckled at the scratch on Killian’s cheek. “I feel like adding to this lovely scratch. Red definitely suits you,” he sneered. He stood up and grabbed Killian’s hook. Without warning he whirled around slicing the end of the hook under Killian’s eye. He cried out as he fell over his shoulder colliding with the hardwood flooring. “Not so mighty now are you Captain!” He jeered, kicking him in the gut. Killian tried to ball up and avoid the kick, but that only made it worse. Black Beard delivered another kick hitting Killian in the ribs. He yelped out again as pain radiated through his stomach. Black Beard sat him back up causing the pain to spark. He sat uncomfortably and painfully trying to move his stomach in a way where his rib didn’t feel broken. “Now Hook, there is one thing that I want from you, besides your ship,” Black Beard began. “Whatever it is you can forget it,” Killian answered, through gritted teeth. Black Beard laughed. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” He leaned against the desk looking down at Killian. “I want the map,” he said, sternly. “What map?” Killian replied. “Don’t play dumb with me!” Black Beard shouted. He kicked Killian down onto his back causing him to land roughly on his hand and stump. Killian arched his back in pain his eyes sealing shut for a moment. “I know you have the map to Davy’s treasure and I want it,” Black Beard growled, pulling Killian to his feet. Killian swayed on his feet his ribs aching and screaming for him to sit back down. “Even if I did have it, I wouldn’t give it to you!” Killian lunged forward slamming his injured body into Black Beard. The two collapsed against the desk. Killian rolled from the desk pressing his ribs on accident. The pain temporarily stunned him. Black Beard grabbed Killian and slammed him against the nearest wall. With force he balled his hand and hit Killian repeatedly. Killian’s head fell when the blows stopped. Crimson blood dripped from his face. The rings on Black Beard’s fingers had cut the bridge of Killian’s nose along with another cut around his eye. His left eye remained shut due to the pain around it. His lip bled as well. Killian sluggishly raised his head partly his hostile gaze trained on Black Beard through his lashes. He lurched forward spitting on Black Beard again. With a roar he hit Killian again before throwing him to the floor and kicking him once more. Killian groaned and tried to move. His body failed him refusing to get up. “If you know what’s good for you you’ll stay down,” Black Beard hissed. He stormed out of the Captain’s cabin locking the door behind him. Killian tried to get up again a pained grunt leaving his bloody lips. He couldn’t get up. His breathing was labored from the pain. His face laid against the cold floor. He cringed in pain as black spots began to form in his eyes. His heart and mind were desperate to stay awake, but his body gave into the darkness shrouding his eyes. … Killian had stirred as he was dragged out on deck. One of his own men along with one of Blackbeard’s men forced him to his feet and tied him to the pole of the mast. His body screamed in agony as the ropes forced him to stay upright. His head hung down his chin almost resting against his chest. This was humiliation. There he stayed, during the hot days and during the cold nights. He was given no food or water during this time. After the second night his body had grown numb to the pain from his injuries. He focused too much on the painful clench of his stomach and the burning in his throat. His left eye was now swollen shut and his other was glazed and dull. He wished for death and he would get it soon. He weakly raised his head trying to take in their surroundings. They’d reached the scattered islands which meant that Mermaid Bay was only a few hours away. It was in the center of the scattered islands, the largest island to be exact. No one who went on the island or into the water ever came back. He let his head fall. Black Beard approached him giving him a once over. “You look worse for wear old friend,” he boomed, grabbing his chin and forcing his head up again. He knew he would regret it, but he also knew his death was soon. Killian spat once more coating Blackbeard’s face in saliva and leftover blood. In an angry rage he struck Killian three more times. “Captain!” Smee yelped. “No-!” Killian tried to yell. His voice gave out causing his throat to crack painfully from the dryness. Blackbeard hit Smee knocking him down. He kicked him sharply. “Would anyone else like to aid their dear Captain?” Black Beard challenged. None of Killian’s crew budged “Get up,” he growled. Smee did as he was told his hands covering his stomach. “Back to work!” Killian was invisible again. He exhaled painfully his head dropping back down. Killian was defeated. Never in his life had he seen everything as hopeless. This was his end and he would die a failure. … “Untie the prisoner!” Black Beard ordered. The ropes around Killian were torn away allowing his body to collapse at will. His joints praised the freedom, but it didn’t last long. Hands seized him. Killian’s heart began to pound in his chest. Anxiety and adrenaline sparked within him. He began to struggle against the men as a fear washed over him. He’d never been afraid to die before, but now that it was here he was terrified. He continued to fight until he slipped free of their grasp. He didn’t go far before he was cut down a sword slicing painfully across his shoulder blade. He wanted to collapse, but hands seized him again. They dragged him to the edge of the ship where everyone on board waited. “It has been an honor, Captain Hook,” Black Beard teased. “May Davy Jones devour your soul,” he added, through a cackle. “Toss him overboard!” The order was given. “No!” The hands holding him suddenly let go. His legs gave out allowing him to sink down against the edge of the board. His crew were fighting back! Smee raced to him and crouched down. He held Killian’s hook. He moved to give it to Killian, but was knocked away. The hook was thrown overboard sending it into the water. “I’ll do it myself!” Blackbeard grabbed onto his coat and lifted him. Killian tried to fight back, but to no avail. He took a deep breath as he fell overboard. He plunged into the freezing water his muscles tensing up almost instantly. His eyes were closed at first, but he opened them as best he could. Regret flooded through him. He began to kick desperately trying to regain control of the muscles in his legs. The water was murky, but he could make out multiple shapes slithering toward him through the water. He kept struggling as the figures got closer. Mermaids. His lungs began to burn the longer he held his breath. Their song stirred in his ears. He closed his eyes trying to shut the song out. His muscles relaxed as the song grew louder. He’d never heard such a beautiful sound. His managed to open his eye again. The fear was gone as he watched the creature come almost completely into sight. His lungs gave out, but he couldn’t tell. The song was distracting him. His throat closed as water began to choke him. He could see their true faces, but he wasn’t afraid. His sight grew dark as his eye began to close. Their mouths were open wide ready to tear him apart. Before his last hope of life left him there was a flash. A colorful flash. He could make out a creature as bright as the sun chasing away the monsters. The song left his ears bringing back a second of sheer pain and panic before he eyes slid shut sealing a blurred face in his mind. … His eye shot open and he rolled onto his side expelling the water from his lungs in a fit of violent coughs. Every part of his body ached. In inhaled deep painful breaths savoring the air in his tortured lungs. He rolled onto his back noticing that his hands were no longer tied. He laid for a moment longer before daring to sit up. He groaned the pain of his ribs and wounds returning swiftly to him. His surroundings were strange and foreign. He looked around scanning the area. He was surrounded by cave walls excluding the wall in front of him. The rocky surface he was on dipped down into a pool of deep blue water that disappeared under the wall. He turned his eyes away from the water realizing that the cave was lit even though he could see no signs of daylight. He noticed a few small lanterns lighting up the surprisingly small area.

Around the rocky area were human items like baskets, clothes, some jewels, and other simple items. Something lived here and part of him didn’t want to know what it was. Maybe he was dead. Maybe this was Davy Jones’ locker. Maybe he-. His train of thought was cut short as a splash sounded from the water. He squinted trying to make out what was hiding just under the wall.

“Show yourself!” He ordered, his voice rough from his lack of clean water. He heard another splash now seeing eyes glinting in the darkness of the blue water.

“I said show yourself!” He snapped, scrambling back away from the water. He tried to get to his feet only to fall back against the rock.

“Please, don’t move. You’ll make them worse.” Surprise washed over him as a soft female voice spoke to him.

“I won’t ask again,” he growled. His eye widened and his mouth parted in shock as the woman came into view. She swam to the edge of the water and placed her arms on the rocks. His stunned gaze raked over her taking in the colorful tail that was her lower half. The flash of color.

“Y- You’re a mermaid,” he gasped. She giggled lightly.

“What else would I be?” Killian tried to stand again.

“Please! You’ll make your injuries worse,” she yelped, moving a little further onto the rocks.

“Stay back,” he hissed. She frowned tilting her head toward him.

“I am not going to hurt you,” she said, gently.

“You and those monsters tried to kill me. What did you do, take me for yourself? Well then go ahead, kill me!” He shouted.

“What? You think I am a siren?” she scoffed.

“I saved you from those lost souls, the least I could get is a thank you,” she added, crossing her arms on the rocks. Killian fell silent for a moment.

“Wait. You- You what?” He was confused.

“The sirens were going to kill you and I rescued you. I couldn’t let them harm you,” she explained, softly.

“You- you’re not one of them?” She shook her head. Killian sat quietly for a moment. His gaze traveled over her again taking in her tail. His eye widened in realization.

“I saw you,” he said suddenly. She tilted her head slightly.

“I saw something- bright,” he explained, poorly. His memory was hazy. He closed his eye for a moment trying to focus on the moments under water. The faces of the monsters flashed against his closed eyelids. Then there was the splash of color; it was almost a streak due to how fast it moved. His eye opened.

She had moved onto the rocky surface sitting only a few feet from him. He jumped in shock regretting his choice as he shifted his injured ribs.

“Easy, Captain,” she soothed. He froze at the title.

“So you know who I am?” He questioned, meeting her eyes. She nodded. Around her waist was what looked like a fishing net cut to look more like a small skirt. She reached around her side and grabbed something. Surprise and relief washed over Killian as she held up his hook.

“You are a very dangerous man Captain Hook,” she said. She brought her tail into a comfortable position that resembled sitting, but for mermaids. Her hands carefully turned the hook taking it in.

“I assume I won’t be getting that back?” He asked, nodding his head toward it.

“You are correct,” she answered. She put the hook back onto the net making sure it was secure.

“Are you afraid of me?” Killian proded. She looked at him for a moment like she was pondering his question. His gaze widened as her tail transformed leaving her with a pair of legs and a black skirt.

“H- How?” He questioned. He’d only seen one other mermaid that could form herself to look human, but it had costed her her voice.

The mermaid stood to her feet and pointed to a small necklace across her neck. It was a simple black leather band with a blue pearl in the center. “I made it myself,” she explained, seeming proud.He wanted to continue his questions, but she was walking around him. He followed her carefully turning himself around. She disconnected the fishing net and removed each item attached to them. He watched as each item she held went into its own separate place. The shells she had went into a small basket while the miscellaneous items went into a seperate basket. She held his hook up again. Her pointer and index finger glided over the curve of his hook gently touching the tip.

“Pretty dull for a weapon,” she huffed, referring to the tip. He rolled his eyes.

“I haven’t exactly had the time to sharpen it love,” he grumbled. She giggled and placed it in a small chest. He watched as she locked it and set the key on top of the box. She looked at him knowing that he could see where she’d put it. She walked away from it gracefully making her way toward him.

“Not going to hide it from me?” he asked, as she crouched down next to him. He leaned back from her his hand sitting gingerly over his ribs.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m certain you don’t want to find out if I have been lying about my intentions,” she answered, smiling smugly. He frowned, knowing that she was right. She reached toward his face.

“Watch it,” he warned.

“Relax Hook, I’m only checking your wounds,” she said. Her fingers touched his skin creating a warmth he hadn’t experienced in a long time. She traced around each wound leaving a tingling trail behind. He was mesmerized for a moment. He snapped out of it pushing her hands away. He didn’t say anything, but shot her a warning glance. He was confused. His heart was suddenly beating rapidly against his chest and his skin crawled as if it was begging to be touched again. He pushed the strange emotions aside.

His hand went down to his ribs again. Her eyes followed his hand then back up to his face. She stood up and walked away again stepping down to the edge of the water. She placed her hands into the water for a few moments. She returned to Killian and got on her knees in front of him.

“Hold still,” she ordered. He wanted to argue, but her hands were touching him again. His breath hitched in his throat as she traced across his wounds. The pain of the wounds subsided to tingles.

He was confused. Once each wound was traced she backed off and looked him over.

“What did you just do to me?” He demanded, astounded by the tingles that faded from his face.

“I created a small healing remedy from the water. It will help your wounds heal quickly,” she answered, drying her hands off on her skirt.

“Can you stand?” She stood. Killian proudly tried to stand, only for his legs to give out enough to need help. She caught him and slid his arm over her shoulders. Together they moved to the edge of the water. She eased him down at the edge.

“Yes,” she said, randomly. He looked at her.

“Yes what?” He asked, genuinely confused.

“You asked me if I was afraid of you; the answer is yes,” she corrected. He stayed quiet quilt pulling at his gut. He tried to rid himself of the guilt, but it wouldn’t go away.

“Remove your coat,” she said.

“Whoa love, buy me a drink first,” he huffed, distracting himself. She snorted.

“I want to check your ribs, now shed it,” she demanded, calmly. Killian didn’t budge.

“Alright Captain, then you can let those heal for six weeks.” She began to walk away. Killian’s mouth moved before he mind could think.

“Wait!” Painfully he shrugged his torn leather coat off. She smiled her smug smile again and sat next to him on her knees again. She reached toward him pausing as he flinched back. She waited until he relaxed before she gently tugged at the clasps on his black leather vest. She slid it off of his shoulders.

“Got enough leather?” She teased, as she carefully pulled his black tunic over his head. Killian grunted in pain as she did. A shiver ran up his spine as her knuckles dragged over his chest and collar bone. He silently cursed himself for his unexplainable emotions toward her. No one had ever had an effect on him like this.

“Not enough love,” he muttered, flinching as her fingers ghosted over his injured ribs. The soft grin on her lips caused his heart to flutter unexpectedly. He shook his head.

“Relax,” she said.

“Why do I- AGH!” She prodded at his ribs enough to locate which ribs were injured.

“Bloody hell!” He groaned, his head falling to his chest. He ground his teeth enduring the sharp pains her touch caused. He curved away from her touch his hand fisting against the rocky ground under him.

“Two broken ribs from what I can tell,” she said, shifting on her knees.

“How can you tell?” He said, sarcastically through tight teeth.

“Would you like me to check again?” she asked, returning his sarcasm. She reached for him.

“No no! That’s alright,” he yelped, quickly. She giggled and removed her hands. She reached down and dipped her hands into the water once more.

“Lie back.” As much as Killian wanted to protest, he didn’t. He laid on his back arching his spine slightly. He hugged a few breaths pain aching through him. Her wet hands laid onto his chest.

“Relax.” Her voice was soothing. His gaze fell out of focus for a moment. He snapped back into focus to find her sitting flat on her butt. Her feet were in the water. He slowly sat up and looked down. A strange paste ran across his ribs. He didn’t remember her putting this on.

“What happened?” He questioned.

“I persuaded you to relax, and you did,” she answered.

“Persuaded?”

“I may not be a siren, but I do share some traits with them. I simply compelled you to relax,” she explained, calmly.

“And this?” He asked, touching the paste. She reached over and smacked his hand.

“Leave it on. The comfrey paste will help with your ribs. The paste will double with the water’s effect to help it heal faster,” she explained.

“There is also a dash of arnica along your ribs and on your eye.” He hadn’t noticed that until now. He reached up his fingers skating around the paste. There was paste around his wounds as well.

“Goldenrod on your cuts,” she added, like she could sense his curiosity. He nodded his head. Killian stifled a yawn.

“You should rest pirate.”

“And leave you unattended? I think not,” he huffed, cocking a brow at her. She let out a laugh.

“Do you plan to watch me sleep then?” she giggled. Embarrassment flooded over him. Why was he embarrassed?

“I need sleep too you know.” She stood up. Without another word she eased Killian to his feet and walked him away from the waters edge. She placed him down on a smooth section of the rock. She walked away and retrieved his torn coat and his other clothes.

“The paste needs to receive air otherwise it’ll crumble and fall off. You can lay your coat over you, but preferably leave your tunic off until tomorrow. I’ll be back in the morning,” she advised.

“Where are you going?” He asked, curiously.

“To sleep; I don’t sleep on land like you do,” she explained. He stared at her as she handed him his clothes.

“Rest pirate.” She turned and went back to the water. He watched in awe as she dove into the shallow water her skirt and legs forming into a tail. She disappeared under the rock wall. Killian watched the water. There was something about her he couldn’t place. She made him feel things that he couldn’t explain, and he didn’t even know her name.

…

Killian woke to find the cave empty. He hadn’t a clue what time of the day it was or anything. His stomach growled causing his ribs to ache. He looked around the cave taking in the little details he hadn’t noticed before. His eyes found their way back to the box where his hook was being kept. He wanted his hook, but the stronger half of him didn’t want to betray the trust he was building. He shook his head and sighed looking away from the hook. He placed his hand down for balance and forced himself up onto his feet. He stumbled using the rocky wall behind him to brace himself. There was a slight chill in the cave air which sent a shiver up his spine.

He hobbled around the cave checking in each of her baskets out of sheer curiosity. His stomach growled again. Killian’s curiosity turned into a mission to satisfy his hunger.

“Nosy much?” He jumped her voice startling him. He whipped around a little too fast. She emerged from the water her tail disappearing to the legs and skirt.

He opened his mouth to speak, but fell silent as she unclipped the net from her waist. He assumed she’d taken it whenever she got up.

“Hungry?” She asked, showing him the strange fruits

hooked to the net. He nodded, tilting his head at the fruits. He’d never seen anything like them.

She paced to the smooth rock where Killian had slept. She sat down and crossed her legs splaying the net out in front of her. He hobbled toward her and dropped down roughly drawing a pained grunt from his lips. It wasn’t half as painful as it had been yesterday.

“What are these?” he asked, picking up the fruit.

“We call them mílo,” she answered. “I believe that translates to apple in your language,” she added.

“Mermaids speak different languages?” He was surprised.

“Indeed,” she smiled. She offered him the fruit. It didn’t look like an apple, but it smelled amazing! Killian sank his teeth into the fruit tearing a piece off. The savory flavor dripped onto his tongue making his mouth water for more. He took another bite letting out a hum.

“Good?” She giggled, taking in his exaggerated reaction.

“Bloody brilliant,” he responded, through another bite. Her giggles were music to his ears. He kept eating until the fruit was gone. To his own surprise his hunger had subsided. He expected he’d need more, but he didn’t. He glanced over at her as she ate her fruit. She finished hers.

She scooted closer to him getting on her knees. He didn’t move as she used her hand to wipe away the dried paste on his face. “Wonderful!” She chirped, standing up and cleaning her hands off in the water. She came back and sat down again.

“What?” He questioned, as she wiped the water over his wounds again.

“Everything has healed nicely! Your cuts are nothing but light scars now. This will help clear away the scarring,” she explained, as she finished wiping the water on his face. He was surprised to hear that his wounds had healed so fast, but then again she did say she used magic of some sort. Her fingers touched around his eye.

“Can you open it?” She asked, applying light pressure around his eye. He focused on his eye and it opened. He blinked a few times taking in everything around him with both eyes.

“It hurts,” he commented, as he blinked.

“It will for a while, but the swelling has gone down,” she answered. His eyes landed on her. With both eyes open he couldn’t help but marvel in the beauty he’d only seen half of. Even though he could see her fully with one eye he hadn’t understood her true beauty.

“Whoa…” He breathed, staring in awe of her. Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink as she stood.

“Get up pirate, let me check your ribs,” she said, quickly. He did as he was told careful not to disturb his ribs too much.

“Killian,” he blurted, as he sat down next to the water.

“Hm?” She began to clean the paste from his ribs.

“My name is Killian,” he completed, watching her. She smiled partly.

“I’m (F/N).” She paused in her cleaning and offered him her clean hand. Killian took her hand in his and brought it to his lips pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

“Pleasure to officially meet such a lass,” he murmured, slowly releasing her hand. Her cheeks darkened.

“The pleasure is all mine, pirate,” she replied, a smirk crossing her expression. He returned it allowing her to finish cleaning his ribs.

“The bruising isn’t too bad,” she commented, gingerly touching around his damaged ribs. He inhaled a sharp breath enduring the pain.

“If you’re lucky Captain it may only take a few more days until your ribs are fully healed. Then you can be on your way.” She dipped her hands into the water again and brought them out. She soothed the water across his skin causing him to shiver at her touch. Something about her words made him sad. Her head suddenly snapped away from him.

“Something wrong love?” He questioned. Swiftly she jumped up and pulled Killian to his feet.

“(F/N)-”

“Sh!” She cut him off hurrying him toward a crack in the rock wall. It was barely big enough for him to slide into.

“Go to the back and be absolutely silent!” she hissed, pushing Killian into the crack in the wall. He grunted the rock hurting his back and ribs. He went back until he couldn’t anymore. He could barely see her standing in front of the crack. She hurried away returning to shove his clothes into the crack as well.

“Ah! (F/N) what a lovely surprise!” A gross voice called. Killian could make out a creature sliding onto the rocks its pale color making it look sickly.

“What do you want,” she growled, standing defensively in front of the crack.

“Well you see dear girl, I caught wind from my followers that you intervened with their meal recently,” they began, slinking toward her. It looked like it was part eel. He could only assume it was what she called a siren. She shrugged, folding her arms across her chest.

“If you mean the slaughtering of an innocent human, then yes I intervened,” she answered, blandly. The creature hissed baring its uneven teeth.

“I warned you (F/N). You may live in our waters, but if you continue down this path you will be removed,” it snarled.

“Then tell your monsters to stop hunting near my cave,” she replied, hotly. It hissed again.

“Where is it?” It asked, slithering closer.

“Where is what?” She didn’t budge from her place in front of the crack.

“The human! Where is it?” She shrugged again.

“I saved it and took it to the nearest village,” she lied. The creature balanced itself upright using its tail to bring the human half to her height.

“I’d better find that human in the nearest village or you’re going to be our next meal. That human was a special prize for a very special pirate,” it growled.

“Fine, go ahead,” she huffed. The creature muttered something that Killian couldn’t understand.

“Pray we find the human (F/N).” Without another word it slithered back into the water leaving the cave in silence. For a moment she stayed in place. A sound left her lips as she sank to her knees.

“You can come out,” she called, over her shoulder. Killian carefully exited the crack making sure not to hit her once he was out.

“You lied to it, why?” Killian asked, looking down at her. He stood in front of her as she sat on her knees. Her head was down avoiding his gaze.

“Why?”

“I don’t know!” She shouted, suddenly jumping to her feet. She stood almost face to face with Killian. She was a little shorter than he was, but the closeness was intoxicating.

“I don’t know…” She repeated, quietly. She took a step back releasing the tense air that had settled between them.

“I couldn’t let them hurt you,” she muttered, turning her back to him. Killian frowned. She didn’t know him, yet she protected him.

“They’ll kill you,” he said, his voice low.

“Yeah? It isn’t the first time they’ve threatened to kill me,” she snapped. She turned to face him. He could practically see the gears turning behind her beautiful eyes.

“So, Hook, if you’d like to share with the class, who is hunting you anyway?” She questioned, hostility in her tone. Killian didn’t answer right away.

“Captain Blackbeard,” he sighed. Her eyes widened.

“Gods what have I gotten myself into,” she groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“You could always send me on my way love,” Killian suggested.

“No! I can’t do that. I had my chance you give you up and I didn’t. It’s too late now,” she explained, throwing her hands dramatically. Killian closed his mouth cutting off any comment he wanted to make.

“You better be worth it pirate,” she said, her tone more of a plead. She paced away from him again.

“I’ll be back,” she said, suddenly. She trudged toward the water.

“Stay here.” Before he could ask questions she was gone leaving him on his own. He cursed quietly running a hand through his hair.

She’d been gone for four days returning only once to drop off supplies for his ribs and food. She’d left without a word leaving him alone again. He’d explored every bit of her tiny cave finding himself by his hook every time. Never once did he try to take it even though he truly wanted to. His ribs had healed beautifully leaving him with practically no pain at all. Killian paced around the cave jumping as the water stirred. He grabbed a sword that he’d discovered further back in the crack. He’d had to hide once since she left which was when he discovered it. He moved toward the crack the sword drawn and ready.

Her head poked from the water. “Relax pirate, it’s only me,” she huffed, swimming to the edge of the water. She pulled herself onto the dry earth leaving half of her shining tail in the water.

“Where the bloody hell have you been?” He questioned, putting the sword down on the ground.

“I’ve been setting up a false path for you pirate,” she answered, ringing out her hair. The net around her waist was filled with all kinds of strange items.

“There is a bounty on your head. Black Beard has offered one thousand gold coins to whoever captures you.. Dead or alive,” she added, looking over her shoulder at him. He didn’t miss her eyes taking a trip over his body. He’d slipped his black tunic back on after she’d returned the first time.

“How’s your ribs?” She asked, looking away from him.

“No pain at all,” he answered, coming near her.

“Good, because I’m taking you out of here and you need to be able to swim on your own,” she explained, blandly. Killian crouched next to her.

“Where are we going if I may ask?”

“I’m taking you somewhere safe. This cave isn’t a good place to hide you anymore. The sirens are going suspicious,” she answered. She shifted her tail and stood to her feet. Killian followed as she paced toward the box with his hook.

“I’m surprised you didn’t try to take it,” she said, unlocking the box.

“I assumed you’d put some of your magic on it,” he said, waving his hand. She giggled.

“No magic here, just a lock.” She pulled the hook out and twirled it in her hands.

“Once we reach our destination you should really sharpen the poor thing.” With grace she held it out to him. Killian slowly took it from her admiring it for a brief moment before attaching it where it was meant to be. He sighed in relief turning his hand to admire the hook.

“Would you like to be alone Captain?” She teased. He shot her a playful glare.

“Come, we should be going.” She went back to the water and he followed.

“I will warn you pirate, the cavern leading out of this cave is far too long for any human to survive,” she commented, placing her feet in the water. Killian’s raised a brow.

“Then how the hell do you-” His eyes went wide as her lips crashed against his closing any distance they had. Butterflies exploded in his stomach and his lips seemed as if they were on fire. He’d never experienced such a feeling. Something ignited in his lungs causing him to inhale deeply once their lips parted. He almost whined at the loss.

“Mermaid’s breath. I’ve given you some of my air to fix that problem,” she explained, breathlessly. He made out the pink tint on her cheeks.

“Come.” She dove into the water her legs changing again. Killian grabbed his leather coat from the ground and took a deep breath. He dove into the water after her. He opened his eyes under the water finding that he could see. The sight of her in the distance startled him. She seemed to glow in the dark water.

“Come.” He heard her voice. He began to swim finding that he moved faster than he normally would. The further they swam the more stunning the water became. They were surrounded by clear water that revealed all of the crystals in the walls. They were giving off light. In front of him she swam gracefully the light bouncing off of her scales and skin. He was mesmerized. She twirled in front of him until she was swimming on her back. She stayed like that for a moment until she twirled around her fins and hair cascading around her form. He could see past her noticing a dark ending to the tunnel.

“Wait here,” her voice came. He halted letting his body sink to the bottom of the tunnel. She swam forward and out into the dark water in front of them. He looked around again taking in the beauty. His eyes turned back to her as she swam back to him.

“Follow me and stay close. The more you drift off the easier it will be for them to notice your scent,” she warned. He followed her out of the cave. He couldn’t help but hesitate his eyes turning upward. Darkness surrounded them. He couldn’t see the surface of the water.

“Come on!” He looked back to her and followed again. It was strange to swim beside a mermaid. It was something he never in his life expected to do. He paused in his swimming again a familiar pull tugging at his lungs. He began to swim again a panic rising in him. His lungs were aching. He needed to breath. He tried to keep up with her, but his limbs faltered.

“(F/N)!” He began to choke water pooling into his mouth. He didn’t know why he opened his mouth to call out, but he did. Tunnel vision settled around him the more water he took in. He couldn’t make her out until she was directly in front of him. Her hands slid up his face and her lips sealed off his blocking the water.

He slammed his eyes shut as a painful sensation filled his body. After a moment the sensation was replaced by the butterflies. He opened his eyes once she backed off. “Next time don’t try to talk,” she huffed, staying in front of him. He had questions, but he’d wait. His attention pulled away from her as an awful screech hit his ears. His eyes turned to her in question.

“Quickly!” Her hand slid around his hook pulling him close to her. She hooked it into the net around her waist. Killian got the hint and wrapped his other arm around her waist. She turned over and began to swim. He’d never moved so fast underwater. Killian closed his eyes unable to handle the speed of the water as they seemed to cut through it.

Swiftly they breached the water. On instinct Killian’s mouth and eyes opened allowing him to gasp for breath. He slid free of her treading on his own. She waved for him to follow and he did. His knees hit sand and he shifting his position to stand. He walked onto the shore watching as she let the waves bring her in. He opened his mouth to speak, but she shushed him.

“Save your questions pirate. We aren’t safe yet.” She shifted and stood from the water. She reached out to him taking his hand in her own. She pulled him along leading him off of the beach and deeper into the island they’d swam to.

“There.” She pointed through the trees toward a small stone cottage. They approached the cottage crossing over a small creek and into the open area. Surrounding the area was a thick layer of trees. He gasped at the sight. He normally didn’t see places like this. He was too busy on the sea to see these places.

“An old human family used to live here. Their ship crashed many years ago,” she said, quietly. They stepped up to the cottage and she pushed the door open. “I frequent here often when I want to get away. The sirens cannot find us here,” she assured, closing the door after him. The room around them was dark, but not for long. She threw open the wooden shutters that blocked the windows letting in the daylight. “What happened to them?” He asked, curiously as he looked around the place. “They didn’t know that these waters were infested with sirens,” she answered, plainly. Killian let a silent ‘oh’ play on his lips. There was a small staircase leading up. He followed it entering what looked to be the family’s old bedroom. He pushed open the shutters of the one window letting the light in. The view was breathtaking. “Hungry?” Her voice called. “Starved,” he chuckled, coming back down the stairs. She brought a bag out from under the wooden table in the room. Out of the bag came one of the fruits she’d been giving him. He took one and ate it quickly. “Relax pirate, you’ve got all day to eat,” she giggled. She relaxed down into one of the wooden chairs nibbling at her own fruit. Killian took one of the other chairs sitting down across from her. He opened his mouth to speak again, but she raised her hand. “You’ve got questions I assume?” She blinked at him. He nodded. “Then they can wait until I am finished.” So he waited. “What did you do to me back there?” He asked, as soon as she was finished. She snorted. “I told you, I gave you my breath so you wouldn’t drown, apparently your lungs are as large as your ego and I should’ve given you more.” She folded her arms across her stomach throwing him a teasing smile. He rolled his eyes. “I understand that, but how did you- you know…” “Stop you from drowning?” He nodded in confirmation. “When I-” she paused. “Kissed you I basically sucked the water from your lungs and into my own body,” she explained. Her fingers tapped the side of her neck. How he hadn’t noticed the small slits on her neck he didn’t know. “I converted your water into air,” she added, folding her arm in place again. There was one question swirling in his head, but he didn’t dare ask it. “I’m assuming I’ll be here for a while?” “Unless you’d like to take your chances back there then yes, you’re going to be here for a while,” she answered. A frown formed on her lips. “Something wrong love?” He questioned. “There is something you want to ask me, but why won’t you ask it?” He looked away from her. “I can practically see the conflict in your eyes, tell me pirate,” she ordered. He didn’t say a word. “Killian.” His name drew his attention. That marked the first time she’d called him by his name, not his title. “Tell me,” her voice was gentle. She leaned forward resting her arms on her knees. A sigh left him. He hadn’t intended to ask, but he didn’t have a choice now. Somehow she could read him like an open book. “Did you feel it too?” Was all he could say. Her brows pulled together for a moment and she frowned. He regretted asking as she straightened herself back up. “Hook I-” “There was a feeling… When you- kissed me.” He cut her off. “Don’t get me wrong love, I’ve shared many kisses with many women, but nothing has ever made me feel so-” “Alive?” She cut him off now. He nodded. She stood to her feet and he followed suit. “Did you feel it too?” He took a step closer only for her to step back. He was desperate to know. “The sensation.. The fire! Did you-” “Yes I felt it!” She snapped, suddenly. He went quiet. “I didn’t want to, but yes, I did!” Her voice was still raised. “Gods do you know how terrified I was when I felt it? I have been waiting my entire life to feel it, but when it actually happened?” She took another step back. Confusion washed over Killian. “I don’t understand..” “No, you wouldn’t. Humans never do,” she hissed. Tears were pooling in the corners of her eyes. He reached out to comfort her, but she pulled back from him. “I have been told my entire life that they’re out there waiting and looking for me.. But I never expected or wanted it to be you.. Gods why you..” She turned her back to him. His confusion grew. “(F/N) please tell me-” “Don’t you get it pirate?” She turned suddenly coming face to face with him. They were mere inches apart and the heat between them was intoxicating to Killian. “Mermaids don’t feel like humans do. Our senses are stronger and mean different things. Whatever you felt I felt tenfold. That is a feeling I will never feel again. I will never feel that with anyone again.. No one besides you,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. His eyes widened as the realization hit him. “Why did it have to be me?” She turned away from him the distance between them the same, just from a different view. Killian reached out gently catching the bend of her arm with his hook. She turned willingly at his pull. Their eyes met and he smiled softly. “I’m glad it’s you (F/N).” Their faces were mere inches apart once more. Killian found himself leaning toward her and her toward him. She froze as a loud crash echoed around them. “What was that?” Killian asked. “Oh no. No no no. We’ve got to go. Now!”

Forever Taglist:

@elainqueenoffireandroses @xaviersmutcnt @raindrops-on-roses142

#killian jones #captain hook x reader #captain hook #killian jones x reader #mermaid #once upon a time #ouat #x reader #story #fanfiction #i loved this way too much

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placesthatchangedpeople · 4 years

Text

Montana Academy testimony

This testimony was found on Reddit. All rights go to the author.

I’m not going to go into the hell that was SUWS Carolina [wilderness], as that is a whole different can of worms, and the boarding school was far more sinister. I arrived at Montana Academy a few weeks after turning 17. I was absolutely terrified after what I had been through spending 9 weeks living in the woods, but I was at least happy that I could use a toilet and sleep in a bed. [To get rid of any confusion later on, I was born male. At this point in my life I was still living as a boy, and trying very hard to convince myself I wanted to stay that way.] When I got to campus I was greeted by my team leaders and paraded through the lunch room as the entire student body looked at me [as all new students are]. I’m still convinced this is a power play devised by the creators of the school to subtly break your guard down. I said goodbye to my mom, grandmother, and my uncle, and began the worst period of my life.

So the Staff of our team was our team leader Dave, and boy, Dave was a piece of shit. He was the type of guy who would get a shit eating grin whenever he could punish you. You could fucking tell he got a semi off of it, and we would all talk about how much we hated him behind his back. I remember the ear to ear smile he got on his face as my eyes welled up with tears when he told me I couldn’t spend Christmas away from the ranch with my mom, because I was short by one signature on my checklist. That’s Dave in a nutshell. The weekend team leader was Sam and I think he was even worse, because he had the amazing ability to make you feel safe and loved one week, and then emotionally beat you to a pulp the next. For instance... There was one weekend where Sam and I had a long emotional talk where I opened up to him about how much my dad meant to me and how I would give anything to have him back. He gave me the biggest hug and told me he was here for me. The week after was rough and I was so excited to talk to him again, but when his shift started, he sat down and immediately screamed at me in front of everybody for not sitting down fast enough at the table, and put me on privilege freeze for a week. This would happen all the time. It was like he got off on building up our trust and hopes and then he would have a bad week at home and treat us like absolute shit.

I started with every intention of bettering myself. I had fully subscribed to the belief that I was broken as a result of “immaturity”, and the Founder of M.A.'s book was so fond of claiming. Despite coming from a broken home, childhood neglect, death of a parent, sexual abuse, trauma etc, it was MY fault that I ended up at M.A. I was ready to do my part. Unfortunately I wasn’t perfect as the staff expected me to be. I tried my ass off to do chores to the militaristic standards that they upheld, but I often fell short. Perhaps I missed a nearly microscopic hair in a bathtub. Sometimes, my sheets were a little crooked. And for each little transgression there was a severe consequence. If you made more than one mistake on your chores within a week, you could kiss all of your privileges goodbye. No phone call to your mom. No movie night. This may not seem like a big deal, but when you’re locked in an environment where you have maybe one tiny thing to look forward to a week, losing it because of something that is often not your fault is the most heart wrenching feeling in the world. Sometimes the punishments would go beyond cruel and just become abusive. About 5 weeks into my stay, I made the grave mistake of telling my team leader Dave that I had finished my assignment because I was having a really horrible day and just wanted to continue reading my book. Unfortunately he decided to double check. When he found out I wasn’t being honest, he assigned me to my first drudgery. That weekend I spent 6 hours outside in 20 degree weather scraping ice off of every single pathway on the entire ranch campus. I asked once if I could stop because my hands were rubbed raw and starting to bleed, and my weekend team leader Sam refused. I shouldn’t have lied, he insisted. By the end of the night, my hands were covered in blisters and I had learned my place. At this point I was broken, or so I thought. I didn’t know it could get worse.

As for therapy… My 1st therapist was useless. She was liable to cry about tragedies that had occurred during her own life. Ironically she was as cold as ice when it came to my issues. When it came to the issue of me being sexually assaulted in the 1st grade, she breezed right past it, and moved on to other issues. When I told her that I had always wished I had been been born a girl, she didn’t seem to give the slightest semblance of a fuck. When I would bring up the death of my father, or my mother’s alcoholism, she would go into how her brother died and start crying, and the next thing I knew I would be awkwardly wondering if I should console her. The biggest breakthrough in our therapy was when she came to the confident conclusion that the root of all my issues was that I was… wait for it… ADDICTED TO VIDEO GAMES… Every therapy session turned into her trying to convince me that I never wanted to play video games again, despite the fact I was drinking heavily and using substances before entering wilderness. After I finally promised her I would never touch another game again, we finally moved on to trying to process the loss of my father, and even that was a useless endeavor.

Group therapy was a clusterfuck. I don’t exactly know a better way to describe it than to call it “conflict therapy”. Seeing as how the entire M.A. operation was based around punishing students for their mistakes it was only natural to pit them against each other. The students of M.A. were each separated into 7 teams of roughly 10 students each. I spent 90% of my time with my team. They were your my friends, but I can guarantee they knew me fucking biblically. During group, it was common for one student on the team to be singled out and for every other student on the team to just fucking lay into them. It happened to everybody. We were all encouraged to tell on each other if we witnessed any rules being broken. I couldn’t trust my best friends with a secret at M.A. because the consequences were so dire. One tiny mistake could land me there for an extra year. Imagine the fucking paranoia that this causes. I was ALWAYS being watched. I began to question every single thing that I did. I began to believe the punishments I was being given were because I was useless, and because I couldn’t do anything right. After about a year I was 100% fucking brainwashed. I because some kind of M.A. Drone and I genuinely believed that I needed them to survive. It was like I was in a fucking cult, and if they had fucking cyanide in the punch I wouldn’t be writing this right now.

I think this next part was the most fucked up. This was the point where my red-pollyped festering cunt of a therapist decided to use me as an example, to teach a fucking seminar. My team was planning a father-son weekend trip. Doesn’t that sound lovely? Well, problem is, my dad’s fucking brain drowned in its own blood and so he’s in a box in my mom’s closet, so I can’t exactly take that out to Bowman lake with the boys. Luckily for me my therapist called me in and informed me that I was allowed to spend a weekend with my Uncle [who I love very much]. I was so happy, I was jumping for joy! A few weeks pass, and the father-son weekend is getting closer. My therapist calls me back in and tells me to sit down, and then informs me that she actually thinks it would be great for my “therapy” if I went with my team on the trip... I begged her to let me spend the weekend with my uncle, but she said it would also be good for the team’s therapy. So that weekend we all went to the lake. It was a really wonderful experience for everybody except for me. For the entire weekend I was alone. Some of my friends and their dads spent some time with me but I honestly wanted to be alone. Being the only kid without a fucking dad on a father-son trip is fucking humiliating beyond words. The worst part was on the last night of the weekend where the therapist held a group therapy session and the whole fucking thing was centered around me and my fucking dead dad, and all the issues that come with having a dead dad. My therapist had some really great and sensitive questions prepared... “Do you miss your dad?” “Do you feel guilty about anything?” “Why do you feel like it was your fault?” “Do you think your dad would be proud of you?” “Do you wish your dad was here?” “How did you deal with your mom falling apart?” “How do you feel that your mom is drinking again?” and the therapist just keeps pushing me and pushing me and pushing me until I’m inconsolable, and having a panic attack, and I just want her to shut the fuck up. I felt so broken, humiliated, and violated. How fucking dare this bitch of a therapist come at me with all of this heavy shit in front of people I've never met, when all she ever wants to talk about in our sessions is how much I like video games. They don’t care in these fucking places. They wanted to give these stupid fucking dads something powerful to witness so they could write a fucking Facebook post about the amazing work that's being done at MA. May they rot in hell.

Medical malpractice was also Rampant. While at M.A. I was struggling with weight and eating issues. My team “suggested” that I run a half marathon because our new team leader liked to run and they love to fucking push even the smallest beliefs and hobbies on their students. The shoes I was training in had literally no insoles. I asked for new shoes and was told to write a proposal. I wrote one and was never responded to by the treatment team [big fucking surprise]. After weeks of training we finally ran the half marathon. Halfway through, I felt a shooting pain in my foot. I told my team leader as he was not too far ahead. He didn’t give me much of a choice but to finish. For the next 6-8 weeks I asked the nurse every day if I could please go to the doctor as my foot was killing me, and nobody ever did anything about it. Finally after asking over what must have been 50 times, they agreed to let me go into town to get an x-ray. The x-ray found that I had snapped the middle metatarsal bone in my foot clean in half. So not only did M.A. make me run 6 miles with a broken foot, they made me do hard fucking labor on it for 6-8 weeks before allowing medical treatment. Care for Transgender students was disgustingly ignorant and based on lies and misinformation. Despite trying to come out as trans to my 1st M.A. therapist, it was just ignored. I tried multiple times to bring it up, but I’m now certain that my therapist didn’t know what a trans person was, and so she just thought it would be easier to switch the subject. When I moved on to the Sky House [the halfway house portion of the program] I said fuck it and just fully came out. This was met with backlash from the therapy team. Since I was at the Sky house now I had a new therapist and he had a lot of info about transitioning. Unfortunately, all of the info was fucking wrong, and he filled my head with misinformation, lies, and half-truths, in an attempt to make it sound like starting hormones was harder than getting a fucking doctorate from Harvard.

After Finally graduating M.A. I had been brainwashed into believing that getting a script for hormones was like a quest for the holy grail. I had no idea how fucking easy it actually was. I tried to live a normal life. I moved in with my aunt and uncle for a little while until I went off to college. I stayed sober for a few months, but as soon as I got to the university, things started fucking unraveling fast. I realized that I had been horribly abused and that the “therapy” I had been undergoing was nothing more than expensive babysitting. I fucking lost it I started drinking and taking any substance I could. I failed out of my school and moved back home. I drifted around for 3 years drinking, and being a disgusting and terrible person. I had to figure it all out on my own. I fucked with drugs I never should have and fell in with people I had no business being with. I drank too much, and made many regrettable decisions. But I still figured my fucking life out. I figured out that I needed to fucking get it together. I made a goal. I needed to transition. That was problem A. I got sober, went to my Nana [my hero] and found a therapist and within 2 weeks I was on hormones and began my transition, and by pure luck, I found love. It’s been a little over 4 years since I’ve gotten sober and things are far from perfect. I have severe PTSD from going to that hell of a school. I still dream about it multiple nights a week, and wake up in a fucking panic. I never leave the goddamn house because I start to panic, and I have serious trouble holding a job, so instead I work from home as a camgirl, inserting large objects into me for money. I’m lucky though that I now have my girlfriend to help me through it. Without her, I don’t know what I would do most days. Also, its really fucking great to not have to be a goddamn boy anymore. If anyone else had a similar experience [and I know others have] you’re not alone, and good luck.

#Montana Academy #Montana #brainwashing #medical malpractice

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