#self harm mention tw

[uncanny-tranny]

So much love and recognition to the people who don't know how they feel about recovering. To the people whose scars are fading away, and there's a sinking feeling, despite knowing that it's a good thing. To the people who miss when they were "worse," when they felt "broken." To the people who mourn losing their coping mechanisms, even the ones that were destructive, scary, or unpleasant. To those who feel guilty they're healing because their past self wasn't ready.

Whatever it is, there is nothing wrong with any of those feelings. It's a natural reaction, something you don't have ultimate control over. There is nothing shameful about yourself, and I admire the strength it takes to recognize how you feel, even the parts that do feel like the "wrong" reaction to a Good Thing.

#mental health #self harm tw #self harm mention tw #sh tw #mental health recovery #mental health support #i love you i love you i love you #i admire you and empathize with you and want to be your fellow man. i want to share this wold *with* you #and that includes sharing a world that you aren't sure you deserve or are ready for #the world can wait. humans have been here for hundreds of thousands of years. it can wait #when i think about all this what makes me feel better is remembering how many billions of people have lived #and it makes me feel better to know that there has never been a problem too big to have - to uniquely awful #i have my own conflicted feelings about this because objectively i am healing #but it feels like i have boarded on land after surviving the worst trip to sea ever... #...a trip that was plagued with my ship being flung through hurricanes and lightnight and i'm only manning a sailboat... #...and i have found land and that land is good... #...but my legs feel like they will give out underneath me because this is solid land that i have never stood on... #...and you get used to the constant seasickness and sealegs and wondering *how* you'll make it out - If you will... #...the peace feels like a ruse at times because all you've known was chaos. but it's a good ruse and a comfortable one #and so you learn i guess to sink into the comfort like a spft feather pillow

[trans-axolotl]

thinking a lot today about protest and resistance while in solitary confinement. or while incarcerated (and/or institutionalized) more broadly. reading a lot of writing from incarcerated writers and through the prison journalism project and rereading sick woman theory by Johanna Hedva and just thinking about the quote "Sick Woman Theory is an insistence that most modes of political protest are internalized, lived, embodied, suffering, and no doubt invisible" (Hedva, 5). and thinking about what it means to resist when all that is left to you is your body, a room, and time--how do you fight back? what options are left to you? what ways is your resistance legible, who is the audience to your resistance and does it still matter if no one ever sees? (yes, i think--i remember hours spent in restraint because i had hugged a friend and i keep thinking about the concept that protest is disruption, a refusal to allow business to keep happening as usual, and what that means about making cruelty visible by refusing to participate in that normalization. even as i was taken away, removed, made invisible--does that removal make my absence louder?)

thinking about the ways self destruction is used as protest when you have no other options--hunger strikes perhaps the most familiar iteration of this. what gets labeled as "symptom" and what is recognized as resistance varies by person by context by environment. thinking about how almost everyone i know who's been in solitary confinement started self harming eventually. what need does that meet? when all options for autonomy, privacy, and interaction is taken away, how do we meet those needs ourselves? i think a lot about survival, and remember YWEP's concept of self harm as resilience, and think a lot about what it means to keep yourself alive when all you have is your body and your mind and an empty room and time. what things become more important than physical pain? how might physical pain become important? how does our relationship between our body and harm change in that environment? how do you stay sane in solitary confinement, or maybe more importantly, how do you go insane in a way that hurts you less? what does sanity even mean when you have been placed in an unlivable environment? is resistance a basic need we need to meet when we are placed in such a hostile environment? how did i survive & how are my friends currently surviving & how many more people will i have to lose who were killed that way before this fucking ends?

#personal #self harm mention tw #self harm tw #prison abolition #solitary confinement tw #solitary confinement #psych abolition #rambling hours #just. lots of thoughts and not enough words to say what i want to #also missing some ppl i love a lot today.

[bluesadansey]

something so insane about Adam saying “it wasn’t about you” to Gansey at the end of TRB and then again during the fight in TDT (defensively, angrily when he’s in a spiral of self sabotage) because there’s truth to it but it’s not True. Adam is always always always defining himself in relation to Gansey and yes he resents that but that still makes it About them. The fact that Adam had a dream about being responsible for Gansey’s death and That was the trigger for his decision to wake the ley line, to prevent that future. And to be his own person outside of Gansey while also not hurting/killing Gansey, but then at the same time he brings the gun with him not knowing what he’ll sacrifice but knowing for sure it can not be Gansey. That means it could be Whelk or it could be him (and it is both in a way) and either way he is sacrificing a part of himself for Gansey. And then when Adam does sacrifice a part of his autonomy to Cabeswater Gansey feels betrayed because he sees it as Adam’s sacrifice because belonging to anything else is better than accepting what Gansey tries to offer him but it is For and About Gansey that he did this and Adam Hates that. And then (I just started rereading TRK so I don’t remember the exact details) Cabeswater being in Gansey’s service or having his spirit or however that works makes it even more insane and that definitely adds to the context of Adam’s anger at him in TDT but I’ll come back to that part later just. You love your best friend so much and you hate your best friend so much and it’s not about them but everything is about them!

#s speaks #trc #adansey #adam parrish #richard gansey #meta #sort of #had half in my drafts and just added the other half now it’s whatever. #self harm mention tw #in a way #suicide mention tw #I think Adam should meet Shauna Shipman they’d have a lot to discuss #the raven cycle #Adam’s anger at Gansey is complicated and there’s a lot there but I do think a not insignificant part is #anger at himself for being what he considers ‘weak’ for Gansey #I hate that I can never hate you as hard as I try etc. like every time Adam succeeds in being harsh with Gansey it makes him miserable and #he’s throwing up and crying and missing him and obsessing over him afterwards it’s so sick and twisted #my meta

[cluster-b-culture-is]

BPD culture is really relating to "crazy" or "screwed up" characters who do bad shit and using them to fictionally deal with the scary dark urges that come with the disorder so that you only hurt imaginary things made of words and lash out at others even emotionally or self-harm.

.

#cluster b culture is #anonymous #cluster b #mod orange #bpd #bpd culture is #actually borderline #actually bpd #tw self harm mention #self harm mention tw #tw self harm #self harm tw

[irondad-defensesquad]

the small feet run all the way to the kitchen, where peter can hear the sound of someone washing the dishes.

"whoa, what's all the rush?" tony teases, a little alarmed but still sounding silly.

"it's an emergency!" morgan exclaims.

"what kind of emergency?"

"a BIG one! petey is sad and he needs chocolate milk!"

oof.

at least morgan didn't tell tony that peter is hurt.

#(the context is sad but this is a silly scene i already imagined) #basically peter self-harms. so. yeah #lotus speaks #irondad #ironfam #fics #my fics #drabble #self harm mention tw #sh mention tw

[hellsites-an-understatement]

why the fuck are radqueers so fucking dense??

abuse isn't love, being told to cut yourself until you're close to death isn't love, feeling dependent on someone who tells you to hurt yourself isn't love, ABUSE ISN'T LOVE.

literally, i promise you that having a healthy relationship won't kill you. surrounding yourself with people that want to see you flourish and thrive is fucking amazing!!! other people should be a safezone, not a fucking minefield!!!

#anti prat #anti radqueer #anti transid #fuck radqueers #yes this is about that one thing #i don't have coherent thoughts rn #i am just rage-filled. #self harm mention tw #abuse tw #sh mention tw #abuse mention tw

[madefate]

not a FULL timeline, but some stuff blitz did in the interim before IMP !

he was able to live off his savings from the circus for a few months in the wake of The Incident. and that was stretching it - cash kept most of what everyone earned, but of course as a Shitty Teen, blitz took on odd jobs or skimmed money from his father or made money on the side that he squirreled away. it's just how you survived.

in the immediate wake of The Incident, he made numerous attempts to reconnect with fizz and barbie, only to be told by cash that they didn't want to see him - and, ultimately, told that they would never want to see him, for good reason.

he stayed in greed, but moved as far as possible from where the circus had been, trying to make sure that he was recognized as little as possible.

at first, blitz wanted nothing to do with any circus skills. he started doing odd jobs for a few years while he recovered - dog walking (always ended terribly, definitely got hellbies once), extermination (ended terribly, he's allergic to bee stings apparently), doctor (illegally, lasted a day but he did keep the lab coat he stole), construction (please don't live in a house that he built for the love of satan), inspector (of what? who knows, but he did scam some money out of that one from rich people who want things inspected), lulalroe (he did VERY well in the mlm scene and had a fantastic downline before the other huns got jealous and drove him away).

kids' birthday parties. we don't talk about them.

blitz already knew self defense from his younger years - usually in defense of fizz, the beloved face of the show - but he had to hone his skills living in the worst parts of greed. odd jobs he DID like were protection gigs. the pay would fluctuate wildly, but it was one of the first things he was ACTUALLY good at.

he did dabble in some sex work, but he caught himself self harming this way and eventually had to stop. he also got into a few spirals with drugs and alcohol, but because he kept moving and working to distract himself, it didn't manifest too deeply.

eventually, when he was in his early 20s, he took more steady employment at loolooland. it's worse than you think; working with a taunting fizzbot is a form of self harm even he couldn't stand.

the last stop before IMP was going back into protection work, and honestly it was the best fit for him. it kept his mind occupied by having to be constantly vigilant, used his athletic skills without being too close to performing, and let him stay emotionally distant from everyone around him. it was also easier to do years later when his chronic pain was more manageable.

#hh tw #( blitz hc. ) #self harm mention tw

[of-monsters-and-werewolves]

Seriously though, Amy's Choice has some absolutely stellar comedy here, mixed in with a level of darkness Doctor Who rarely reaches. I mean:

DOCTOR: What do you do around here to stave off the, you know... AMY: Boredom. DOCTOR: ...self harm.

This is an actual fucking line in a Doctor Who episode. I am fascinated.

#post i had in my drafts from about a year or so ago #thought i might as well post it #doctor who #amy's choice #dw s5 #self harm mention tw

[memepocalypse]

Self Harm and Self Harmers

Please be aware, trigger warnings apply.

"You're bleeding..."

"When did it start?"

"Hey, you can show me. It's okay."

"I won't make it worse, I promise."

"I'm going to clean it."

"I understand."

"You don't understand."

"It stings."

"I don't know why I did it."

"I don't think I can stop."

"It helps."

"It's not a good coping mechanism, but it is a coping mechanism."

"Do you want to see a therapist?"

"Are you suicidal?"

"Do you want to fucking die?"

"You're being an idiot."

"They love you. Don't do this to them."

"I promise it gets better."

"You're sick of hearing it, I know. But it will get better."

"I used to do it, too."

"... you?"

#meme #starter #rp starter #roleplay #angst starter #whump starter #rp meme #self harm tw #self harm mention tw

[uncanny-tranny]

People who compare transition to self harm or use real people they know who've self-harmed as a metaphorical comparison to transitioning aren't making the gotcha they think they're making - they're just showing that they don't have the compassion or maturity to engage with either topic at even a conversational level.

And, frankly, it's infuriating as a person who does see those who self-harm as my equal who doesn't need to be used as a cudgel against another group of often vulnerable people.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #self harm tw #self harm mention tw #sh tw #transphobia #transphobia tw #and as someone who has self-harmed AND transitioned it's been inherently different. it's not a comparison #and if you wonder why so many trans people have engaged in self harm: social factors. family. abuse. mistreatment #mine stemmed from unrelated abuse largely and also because i wasn't being treated well #absolutely unresolved dysphoria in trans people can inspire that - i know that already. ask me how (don't)... #...but it also isn't inherent to identifying as trans. dysphoria of any kind can make people desperate for any escape... #...and you help them by allowing them space and giving them tools that empower *them*... #...like for me the second a huge part of my dysphoria resolved through transition i was able to start actually fucking LIVING #because for all my life i'd been only able to operate at 50% at most. and now it's more like 80-90% just after transition

[trans-axolotl]

hi so ive been reading a lot of your mad liberation stuff (i think thats the term i cant actually remember atm) and im having trouble understanding some of it so i want to like ask this for clarification

is it like. not quite antirecovery but that "recovery" shouldnt be the default? like mad ppl should be able to live as is, and if they want to seek recovery they can but shouldnt be looked down on for not doing that?

or that like. "recovery" doesnt look like psychiatric definitions?

sorry i dont know if im phrasing things right im pretty dissociated lol

ty for your time tho!

hi anon!

I'm always happy to answer clarification questions. I know when I was first learning about antipsych stuff, there were so many terms and concepts that were new to me, and I'm always still learning more.

A lot of what you've said is stuff I agree with! When I'm thinking about the concept of recovery, it feels important to me to really analyze what people really mean when they say "recovery" in the current psych system. I might ask questions like:

Who gets to define recovery? Is the mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent person supported in setting their own priorities and goals, or is the only thing prioritized the mental health professional's ideas about wellness?

How do ableist concepts of normality and conformity contribute to our ideas about recovery? What ways might recovery frameworks get in the way of radical acceptance of mad/MI/ND people's traits? How do ideas of recovery contribute to stigma and violence against mad/MI/ND people?

What ways does the psych system enforce recovery, even at the cost of bodily autonomy and freedom? What ways does psych treatment use violence to enforce recovery?

Within the current psych system, I think that "recovery" is not a neutral concept, and I think it's one that contributes to a lot of fucked up patterns within the psych system. There's so many ableist and sanist ideas that label mad/MI/ND people just existing as a threat, and force cure on us instead of building a society that embraces madness/MI/ND. The language about being a "danger to yourself and others" reveals the ways that mad/MI/ND people are often labeled as inherently unsafe if we're existing in public, if we have nonconforming behaviors, if we talk to ourselves in public, if we stim, etc. There's this pattern set up within the psych system where unless we're actively compliant with treatment, unless we're institutionalized, unless we're taking our meds and going to therapy and doing every little thing the psych system asks us to, we're labeled as dangerous and unstable.

In a system where "treatment" is often violent, coercive, and oppressive, I think that the way recovery is defined is a really harmful framework. Recovery in the psych system is more about compliance then it is about actually listening to our needs. It treats mad/MI/ND people as unworthy unless we're doing every single thing that the psych system wants us to. And I think that mindset is super damaging to mad/MI/ND people. It makes us feel like we're not deserving of support, care, accommodations, and community unless we're willing to give up our autonomy, conform to ableist ideals about "normal" behavior, and give up so much of ourselves. I'm much more interested in separating morality from our ideas of health and wellness, meeting people where they're at, and embracing the idea that it is totally fine to exist openly and fully as a mad person. We do not have to change ourselves in ways we don't want to. My mad community is always going to be one that embraces + prioritizes people who have no interest in recovery, who want and need to keep using behaviors labeled as dangerous, odd, and crazy, who don't comply with treatment and who demand the right to exist anyway.

I think that as mad/MI/ND people, we should have the room to define healing/coping/resistance/resilience/care in a way that is affirming and supportive for us, instead of just being restricted to "recovery." Our distress, pain, and hurt is very real, and we deserve support, skills, resources to help us navigate that in a way where we aren't shamed and aren't forced into coercive treatment. We should be able to set our own goals and priorities about what actually feels important for us in making our lives better/more tolerable. I'm not super interested in telling mad/MI/ND people to stop using the term recovery because I think for a lot of people it's a familiar shorthand to sort of describe a lot of different ways of healing. But I think it really is worth critiquing the concept, doing self inquiry about what it actually means to us, and analyzing the ways we use recovery in our communities and who that might exclude.

Personally, I don't like to use recovery language around a lot of my own madness, because it's important to me to be able to validate and affirm the ways I exist as a crazy person in the world. I think of my bipolar & psychosis as fundamental ways that I engage with the world, and I'm really glad that those are the ways I experience my life. I don't think of my bipolar and psychosis as a transient state that I will "recover" from and wake up one day and have all that taken away from me. I find a lot of value and meaning in my psychosis and my mood cycles, and I think I would lose a lot if I no longer experienced them. At the same time, there are ways that my psychosis and bipolar have changed the way my bad days look, ways that my self harm has really caused me a lot of distress and was really debilitating, and ways that my relationship with suicide is incredibly, incredibly difficult. I've been able to find support, healing, and care from places outside the psych system in a way that feels more meaningful for me than the psychiatric systems definition of recovery. Every time I go into the mental health system and try to express that I don't want to stop having hallucinations, that I want to use harm reduction for my self harm, and that I don't want to go on meds, I am labeled as noncompliant, antirecovery, dangerous, and incapable of living outside of institutions. This is despite the fact that I have worked really hard in building up a support system, access tons of resources, have found a bunch of coping strategies that work for me, and have built a life that accommodates my madness.

So to answer your question, I am against the ideas the recovery should be the default and I am really critical of the way the psych system uses recovery as a foundation for coercive treatment, but I fully support mad/MI/ND people's right to find healing, support, resistance, care, coping skills, resources in whatever way makes sense to them and fits with their needs and autonomy.

Summary: The current concept of recovery in our mental health system is based on ableist ideas about normality and labels mad/MI/ND as dangerous for just existing as mad people. Coercive treatment like psych wards tries to force ideas about recovery onto all mad/MI/ND people, and makes us feel like we are unworthy if we aren't doing everything we can to be compliant. Mad/MI/ND people have the right to define what healing/coping/resistance/care means to them, and if that means rejecting ideas of recovery, treatment, and conformity, our autonomy should be respected.

Feel free to ask any other questions!

#asks #antipsych #antipsychiatry #psych abolition #mad liberation #self harm mention tw #suicide mention tw #other antipsych mutuals if anyone wants to add on what being antirecovery might mean to u. feel free! #i don't usually use the language 'antirecovery' on tumblr because i think it's pretty associated with fatphobic pro ana content on here #but i do think antirecovery like i've laid out on this post is super important to me!

[imjustexistingtbh]

i forgot to check my app but as of 5 days ago it’s been an entire year since my last relapse :D

#just jupiter #self harm mention tw #sh tw #sh ment

[cluster-b-culture-is]

Cluster b culture is wanting to threaten self harm and other bad things but being self aware enough/I’m the healing process knowing that isn’t an okay thing to do so you just distance yourself

.

#cluster b culture is #cluster b #npd #aspd #bpd #hpd #Mod Reef #anonymous #tw self harm mention #self harm mention tw

[irondad-defensesquad]

The perks of being a wallflower - Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Also on AO3! (Starts from first chapter)

TRIGGER WARNINGS (for this chapter) - mentions of suicidal thoughts and self-harm

DO NOT SHIP PETER AND TONY. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

Weird. Apparently, the kid left earlier today, according to Happy. Peter is in school.

Tony has been feeling a little guilty for telling Peter to go to bed the way he did. Although Peter wasn’t in any condition to be in the workshop, the teen looked pretty drained. Not just physically but emotionally as well.

Thus, Tony thought he could make some nice breakfast for Peter. But then he found the boy’s bedroom empty. Peter must have left in a rush since he left his room messy. It’s not like him to leave without saying anything to Tony.

Regardless, the man starts organizing Peter’s things, like the bed and the abandoned clothes everywhere. The entire time, Tony tries to figure out what’s going on.

That is, when a white envelope lying on Peter’s desk catches his attention. Especially the big “Mr. Stark” written on it.

Huh, so he left Tony a letter? Peter usually texts him or calls him when he needs Tony.

The man carefully opens it, finding a handwritten letter. It looks messy but still readable. And the paper seems to have… dried teardrops. Quite a few of them.

“Dear Tony,

Dear Mr. Stark,

I’m so sorry I was messing everything up in the lab. I didn’t mean to make you angry.

I’m not feeling very good lately, for some reason. I mean, everything is better now, right? I love coming over and building things with you. That’s my favorite part of the week. But I’ve been feeling so bad, worse than I’ve felt in a while. I wanted to cry so badly and I didn’t want you to see me like this, because it’s not your fault, Mr. Stark.

I’m so tired. I want to die again. Or cut myself again. But F.R.I.DA.Y would let you know and you would probably get angrier with me.

So I’m gonna leave in the morning, okay? Maybe I should be alone for a while. You don’t want to deal with me like this. Again, I’m really sorry I ruined our time together.

I guess I’ll see you around.

Love Sincerely,

Peter”

…

Oh my god.

This is why Peter was feeling so off yesterday. Tony just assumed Peter was being irresponsible and not getting enough sleep. But the signs were so clear. And Tony didn’t even bother to check in on the kid.

He immediately takes his phone again to text Peter. He decides not to call in case Peter is in class right now.

Tony: Hey kid

Tony: You’re at school, right?

Well, the GPS says he’s in Midtown. Then again, Peter could abandon his phone somewhere or hack it like he did his Spider-Man suit before. In the meantime, Tony asks Happy if the driver noticed anything off about Peter. Happy only says that he noticed the kid was quieter than usual, but he just assumed Peter was tired.

Eventually, probably during Peter’s morning break, Tony gets a reply.

Peter: sup

Peter: yeah why?

Thank goodness.

Tony: I was just wondering if we could grab a bite after school’s over. Sounds fun, right?

The typing dots take a while to appear.

Peter: uh sure

Peter: is everything ok mr stark?

Tony: Of course, kiddo. I just miss you.

Peter: you literally saw me yesterday

Tony: Well, you left without even eating my masterchef breakfast.

Peter: you always burn the pancakes lol

Tony: Shush, that only happened once.

Peter may be joking around but Tony knows better than that.

Tony: Okay, I’ll pick you up then we can eat whatever you want. Sounds good?

Peter: ok mr stark

Tony: Alright. Sorry to bug you. See you later, kid.

Peter: see ya

Now Tony will only see Peter at 3 PM. He’ll just have to know what he’s going to do when they see each other again.

--

Tony is waiting inside the car, watching all the kids leaving school. Then he sees Peter talking to Ned. He’s smiling and laughing with his best friend. It all feels like any ordinary day… except Tony is keeping Peter’s letter with him.

Peter and Ned do that handshake of theirs, not without Ned staring at Tony’s car with amazement. He waves hello despite not being able to see Tony from outside due to the windows.

Regardless, Peter gets in the car with his usual casual smile. Though he seems a little suspicious of Tony’s sudden invitation.

“Hey, Mr. Stark,” Peter says regardless.

“Hey, kid. Did you have a good day?”

“I guess so.”

Tony is unable to really hide his concern, so Peter’s smile fades quickly.

“Okay, Mr. Stark, what’s all this about?” He doesn’t ask impatiently, he just doesn’t understand. He’s not even expecting Tony to apologize to him for being rude to Peter. Because he believes it’s his fault for not feeling well.

Tony sighs deeply, taking a moment before revealing the envelope, which was carefully closed again.

“... I read your letter.”

Peter’s eyes widen like never before. He snatches the envelope quickly.

“What?! No, you weren’t”– Peter looks like he wants to tear the letter into pieces –“You weren’t supposed to read it!”

“What do you mean? It was on your desk and it had my name,” Tony gently points out.

“No, I forgot it there! I was supposed to take it with me!”

“But you still wanted to tell me something, right?”

Peter groans, angrier at himself than anything. Tony almost puts a hand on his shoulder but he doesn’t know if that’s going to help.

“This is so embarrassing,” the teen says, wanting to cry.

“Kid–”

“No, I mean…”

Peter takes a deep, shaky breath.

“Ever since I was a kid, I would… write letters to you. I did send you the first ones but that was a long time ago. I knew you wouldn’t reply ‘cause you had more important things to do… but I kept writing more and more, imagining you’d be able to read them somehow. These letters got a lot more personal and no one else knew about them, not even Aunt May or Ned… or my uncle. I stopped writing them when I became Spider-Man because I wouldn’t really have time, and well… I got to know you, so why keep writing letters, right?”

The teenager starts letting out tears. He tries to hide them.

“But this last week… I dunno what happened. I started feeling really bad again. I was afraid of telling you that and I screwed up. So I thought it’d be better if I left before I ruined everything for good.”

Now, Tony squeezes his shoulder.

“Peter…”

“I-I didn’t, like… plan to do anything against myself. But I’m still thinking about it. Things are gonna get bad again and I don’t want them to. I wish I could stop it for once.”

The moment Peter starts sobbing, Tony pulls him in a hug.

“I-I’m sorry, Mr. Stark. I’m sorry I’m such a mess…”

“Shhh… I’m sorry I got angry with you, kid. I should’ve talked to you.”

“It’s not your fault…”

“It’s not your fault, kid. You deserve to be heard.”

Peter is shaking his head but he’s not protesting. His tensions slowly disappear as he returns the hug. He just sinks in it completely, like he’s been wanting a hug from Tony for years.

“You can tell me when you’re not feeling well. I promise I’ll listen and try to help you,” the man reassures him.

“I just don’t wanna lose you, Mr. Stark…”

“You won’t. I’ll be here for you, okay?”

Peter lets go of a breath he’s been holding back this whole time.

“Okay.”

Tony squeezes him a little tighter.

Eventually, they let go.

Peter’s face is tear-stained and red all over. He’s contemplating the envelope in his hands, not wanting to destroy it anymore.

“So… you mean you wrote more letters to me?” Tony asks.

“Oh, man… I wrote a lot. And they’re so embarrassing. If you already find my rambles annoying, they only get worse in the letters.”

“Well, I love your rambles, kid.”

Peter smiles shyly.

“I think I lost some with how often I moved,” he reflects. “But most of them are with me.”

“Hmm.”

Silence.

“... do you really want to read them?” Peter doubts.

“Only if you’re alright with it. I would love to know you better, but you don’t need to show them to me if you’re not comfortable.”

There’s a spark in Peter’s eyes, which must come from his child self, that actually really wants Tony to know what he has in mind. The kind of things he couldn’t translate into any other way.

“I could… um… send them to you at some point. There are a lot of letters. It’s okay if you can’t read all of them and like I said, they’re really cringy and dumb.”

“You’re not dumb.”

“Still, Mr. Stark.”

“That’s because you haven’t seen my letters. I’m actually bad at them.”

Peter rolls his eyes at his mentor, who takes them to Delmar’s. They get some sandwiches and chat for a bit. Then Tony points out Peter shouldn’t be on his own when he has suicidal or self-harming thoughts. Especially considering May hasn’t been home often due to her night shifts. Therefore, Tony offers Peter to stay with him for a while, so he has company and safety. There are also doctors that can help him if Peter needs them.

Tony admits he’s a little surprised that the boy accepts the offer. But of course, he’s relieved that Peter is accepting help.

His stay lasts a week or so. Peter slowly feels better again, so he goes back home, promising he’ll keep in touch.

Soon, Tony receives a huge box of letters.

Peter jokes with a sticky note, “Careful! Fragile”.

Tony will certainly read all of these.

--

Dear Peter,

Hey, buddy! I’m only a couple years late. Better now than never, right?

I’ve read nearly all of your letters and I will finish the remaining ones. I am definitely going to reply to every single one of them, just you wait. But I would like to tell you a few things first.

I want to thank you for all your letters and for sending them to me. I’m glad I could help you feel less lonely in a way. I know you don’t have it easy, kid.

I also wanted to remind you, it’s not your fault. You were struggling with so many things at once, especially with your powers. You always did the best you could, and you keep doing your best. You don’t know how proud I am of you.

Finally, thank you for being you. You are so talented, Peter. My greatest honor is getting to know you, including your sad parts. You can trust me with them. I hope I never make you doubt that again.

Many hugs,

Tony

P.S.: Do you still have that mini arc reactor you built? That would be the greatest birthday present ever.

P.S.2: Do you have your camera? I want to see your photos as well. Hell, when I thought you couldn’t be more talented…

#lotus speaks #irondad #fics #my fics #suicide mention tw #suicidal thoughts tw #self-harm mention tw #self harm mention tw #sh mention tw

[rainsandrains]

since i formally left atheopaganism i've hardly been able to engage in my paganism at all. i had two rituals, one of which i'm trying to keep up but it's difficult for reasons unrelated to my change of label*, and one of which was to say the atheopagan rosary every morning (i was very inconsistent with this but i did try).

now it feels weird to say the atheopagan rosary, written by the founder of atheopaganism - and i guess leaving atheopagan kind of gave me permission to acknowledge the parts of the rosary i didn't like all that much anyway.

but i still like having the beads (they're good to stim with, and stimming makes me feel more present in my body) and i like having a specific thing to say or do at my altar every day.

i find designing ritual really hard, and i also find motivating myself to do the same thing every day hard (especially at the moment, in a mental health rut**)

*basically i have words i say every time i wash my face, and they include "i take care of my body so that i can experience life on this good earth to its fullest potential" - it's quite hard to say this as an affirmation when i'm regularly relapsing with self harm. i still usually say the first and last words ("i am present on this good earth in my good body..." and "i give thanks to the powers of earth, sea, and sky for sustaining my life and the lives of everyone and everything i love" (ie referring to the way the natural world is the source of everything and we are dependent on water, earth, sunlight, etc))

**context: i've been struggling majorly with my mental health for two or three years, and to some extent since i was a preteen. i'm currently in a particularly bad patch.

#naturalistic pagansim #naturalistic pagan #pagan #self harm mention tw

[little-miss-selfships]

...

Do you get so frustrated over a simple thing that you bite your hand so hard that it made a mark (that's me over a game)

#planky vents #vent #self harm mention tw