#I think Adam should meet Shauna Shipman they’d have a lot to discuss

[bluesadansey]

something so insane about Adam saying “it wasn’t about you” to Gansey at the end of TRB and then again during the fight in TDT (defensively, angrily when he’s in a spiral of self sabotage) because there’s truth to it but it’s not True. Adam is always always always defining himself in relation to Gansey and yes he resents that but that still makes it About them. The fact that Adam had a dream about being responsible for Gansey’s death and That was the trigger for his decision to wake the ley line, to prevent that future. And to be his own person outside of Gansey while also not hurting/killing Gansey, but then at the same time he brings the gun with him not knowing what he’ll sacrifice but knowing for sure it can not be Gansey. That means it could be Whelk or it could be him (and it is both in a way) and either way he is sacrificing a part of himself for Gansey. And then when Adam does sacrifice a part of his autonomy to Cabeswater Gansey feels betrayed because he sees it as Adam’s sacrifice because belonging to anything else is better than accepting what Gansey tries to offer him but it is For and About Gansey that he did this and Adam Hates that. And then (I just started rereading TRK so I don’t remember the exact details) Cabeswater being in Gansey’s service or having his spirit or however that works makes it even more insane and that definitely adds to the context of Adam’s anger at him in TDT but I’ll come back to that part later just. You love your best friend so much and you hate your best friend so much and it’s not about them but everything is about them!

#s speaks #trc #adansey #adam parrish #richard gansey #meta #sort of #had half in my drafts and just added the other half now it’s whatever. #self harm mention tw #in a way #suicide mention tw #I think Adam should meet Shauna Shipman they’d have a lot to discuss #the raven cycle #Adam’s anger at Gansey is complicated and there’s a lot there but I do think a not insignificant part is #anger at himself for being what he considers ‘weak’ for Gansey #I hate that I can never hate you as hard as I try etc. like every time Adam succeeds in being harsh with Gansey it makes him miserable and #he’s throwing up and crying and missing him and obsessing over him afterwards it’s so sick and twisted #my meta