#anyway james if u ever see this i hope u know that youre insane and not in a funny silly endearing way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marshmallowloves · 1 year

Text

Restraint and Reward - (Seduce Me) James x Reader NSFW

AKA I'm sorry for only contributing content of my favorite one-- "orz

Okay I can't and won't lie: I wrote this entirely for my own self-indulgence. However, it is in first person and the narrator doesn't have a name, so hopefully you can still project if you like -u-

I sort of tried to mimic the writing style of the games. I broke up the text in many places to kind of emulate how text boxes might look in-game...? I'm bad at describing it, also it was 1 AM when I finished writing this so kdjfhg

ALSO I don't write smut... like... ever... cause I usually get too embarrassed halfway through to actually finish it sdghfj I'm sorry if it's subpar, I'm much more of a smut artist than a writer

one more thing: there's a faux choice in the middle of this thing. I originally intended to make two versions of a "part 2" and then link the respective choices, but I only finished writing for one of them, so I just… condensed it into this one post and left the "choice" in, cause I think it helps it flow better tbh. one day I'll probably try to write for the other one but for now-- EH

Anyway, Seduce Me fans I hope you're still out there 🙏 and if nobody sees it then that's okay too honestly gdkshfkg

Word count: 3308

Content: remote-controlled vibrators, public play, orgasm control/denial, overstimulation (briefly), Soft Dom™ James + submissive reader (who are also married)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

La Stanza Rossa.

An insanely fancy Italian restaurant that, growing up, I could only gaze at in awe from the car window during outings, due to the fact that I wasn't a wealth-hoarding multibillionaire.

…Alright, maybe that's a slight exaggeration. It was kind of upscale, but at least you didn't have to sell your organs to afford it.

You know what wasn't an exaggeration?

The name.

La Stanza Rossa. "The Red Room."

Not because of the color motif, the decor, or the branding…

But because this was going to be absolute torture.

I bit the inside of my cheek and stared hard at the menu, taking a deep breath. We haven't even ordered yet and this was already a struggle.

"Do you know what you want, love?"

I glanced up from the fancy leather-bound menu to meet the gaze of my husband, if only for a second. He flashed an innocent smile, gazing at me with those gorgeous whiskey-colored eyes. I could only imagine what kind of face I was making to garner that reaction.

He knew what he was doing.

Not wanting to keep him waiting, I cleared my throat and breathed a quiet sigh.

"I think I want to start with the lobster bi-i-isque--!"

I stuttered out the last word and snapped my lips shut, squeezing my thighs together to try and negate the sensation between them.

My fingers clutched the leather, leaving indents from my nails. Hopefully they wouldn't yell at us for damaging the menus.

Whatever. There are more important things to worry about right now.

Like the way James's sweet smile had turned into a teasing smirk at my response.

"I might have myself a cup of that as well," he added softly. "But I know that's not all you want, is it?"

Under any other circumstance, that sentence shouldn't have sounded suggestive.

But - and this might come as a surprise - it's very hard not to have dirty thoughts when there's a remote-controlled vibrator between your legs keeping you from choosing your damn dinner.

I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing.

In all fairness, I did agree to this…

Hell, I'd thought about trying this even before I learned that James was into BDSM.

Some time after that fateful and… enlightening conversation, we decided to visit a sex shop.

It was… interesting to say the least, walking into such a store alongside an incubus, but we figured it wasn't a bad place to start. It was our first foray into learning more about each other's boundaries when it came to intimacy. We considered it a bonding experience - no pun intended.

The vibrator caught his eye relatively quickly, and my only stipulation was that we got it in purple.

He chose the restaurant - and, in true James fashion, I swear it was a methodical decision.

Since it was a bit fancier, there weren't quite as many people as your average restaurant. The atmosphere was calm, and you could easily overhear the chatter of two tables over.

If anything slipped from my mouth, it wouldn't be hard for someone to notice.

I did at least get to choose what I wore.

I was never one for dressing up, nor was I used to going out to nice places like this, so I didn't have many options in my closet.

I decided I'd be just a bit bold, picking out a strapless black cocktail dress with tiered, gray ruffles. He did say he'd love to see me in black, after all.

It was a fine and comfy dress, reaching just above my knees.

But as I sat across from my incubus husband, the remote cradled in his hand under the table, this dress suddenly felt a lot shorter… and a lot tighter…

"Love? Did you hear me?"

His voice was a bit distant, between the sound of my own quickened pulse and the daydream of our trip from yesterday.

I just needed a few seconds… Just a few, and I'll be--

"Hngh--mm--!!"

I threw a hand over my mouth and clenched my legs tighter when the vibrations increased again, snapping me back to the dinner table.

That's what I get for trying to distract myself…

"There you are~," James chuckled softly. "I lost you for a minute, there."

"S-S-Sorry…" I managed to spit out between the twitches of my body. "I was, u-um, thinking about what else I wanted…"

"Were you now?" He rested his free hand beneath his chin, drinking in what he could see of me with a hungry gaze. A small chill ran up my spine. "I understand if you're having a hard time deciding. Some of the dishes they have here are quite… tantalizing."

Oh, he was absolutely doing this on purpose now.

…Not that I ever really doubted that in the first place, though. He wasn't even using his enthrallment and I was already melting at just his words.

God, I love this man.

I cleared my throat again, so focused on saving face that I barely noticed the vibrations had died down to a nearly-silent buzz.

"I could go for a steak," I said. "I'm not… terribly hungry, so… maybe the filet mignon."

It was kind of hard to have an appetite right now for anything other than… well, him, simply put.

"You're not hungry?" he teased. "And why might that be?"

"James… Come on…"

"Tell me~."

I struggled to meet his gaze, but when I finally managed to do so, James's slight smirk turned into more of a devilish smile as he watched my slowly-growing frustration.

"James, you know why…"

He chuckled again. "I do. But I want to hear you say it."

"R-Right now??" I pressed my lips together quickly. That came out a bit louder than I had intended.

I looked to my right, and saw two people seated a short distance away, turning their heads towards us. They turned back quickly when I made eye contact.

"Careful now…" James's low, smooth voice taunted me. "You don't want us to get caught, do you?"

I put a fist to my mouth and took a deep breath through my nose, my heeled feet tapping the floor beneath the table in an attempt to ground me. Fuck, those were some good words.

Thank God the tablecloth was long, and I still had the sense to lay the napkin on my lap.

Still, it didn't really help me feel any less…naked under James's stare.

Where the hell is our server…?!

"Good evening, folks."

It was like God himself had come to answer me in person.

I could have jumped for joy if the nerves in my lower half weren't absolutely liquefied. I barely even managed to sit up straight in my chair as our server finally came to greet us.

"Welcome to La Stanza Rossa. My name is Caesar, and I'll be taking care of you tonight."

Caesar, you are a veritable lifesaver. I would never even dream of repeatedly backstabbing this blessed gentleman.

"Can I get you two started with something to drink? All of our wine is 20% off this evening." Caesar looked at us with bright, kind eyes, his hands folded neatly in front of him.

"I'll have a glass of Pinot Noir, then."

"Excellent, sir. And you, miss?"

I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

"Um…" I glanced up quickly at our server. "Just a water, please. W-With lemon."

He nodded, and I stared back down at the menu. I was honestly expecting James to turn up the vibrations as I spoke just then, but surprisingly, nothing had changed.

I glanced across the table at my husband, who simply smiled at me before proceeding to order.

I took that moment to readjust myself in my seat. Hopefully I could angle myself in such a way that the vibrator wasn't pressed so flush against me, without drawing attention to myself.

"And what can I get for you, miss?"

Caesar looked patiently at me, pen and pad at the ready, as I smoothed the napkin over my lap. What an innocent soul.

I cleared my throat. "May I have the fil--! --let mignon??"

There it was.

The vibrations had strengthened for only a second - enough for me to choke on my words - then faded just as quickly. I knew James was planning something.

Readjusting had been a mistake, too. All it did was shift the vibrator closer against the most sensitive spot between my legs, making the sensation that much more powerful.

I shook my head quickly, putting a fist to my mouth and trying to pass it off as a hiccup. "E-Excuse me-- I'm sorry--"

"No no, you're alright! And your two sides?"

Oh my god, that worked?

I took a short breath. For a moment, I was honestly amazed at how I managed to push through that.

"House salad and seasonal fruit. P-Please." I sputtered out my next sentence as quickly as I could, trying to prevent another choke.

Unfortunately, it didn't really make a difference.

James, who had been eagerly watching me the whole time I ordered, redirected his attention to our server to thank him. He didn't even glance aside at me while he turned the vibrations back up, even stronger than before.

The entirety of my body tensed and I bit my cheeks to suppress a whine, nearly dropping the menu in the process. I somehow managed to close it and promptly set it down on the table beside me. My hands quickly found their way to my lap, where I clutched the napkin tightly between my fingers for purchase, and my feet curled involuntarily beneath the table. I squeezed my eyes shut a few times to clear the spots from my vision.

I was so certain I had given myself away.

Miraculously, Caesar collected the menus from the table and continued his script. Whether he noticed and simply kept silent, or whether he truly had no idea what was happening, I didn't know.

At this point, it was difficult to care about anything but the pleasure that was coursing throughout my lower body. A heat bubbled in my chest, making me want to gasp, but I managed to hold it in until Caesar left for the kitchen.

Once our server was out of sight, I closed my eyes and heaved a shaky sigh, letting my body slump forward and my head lower.

"You did so well."

My cheeks burned and my breaths wavered as I slowly turned up to look at James. He leaned over the table and reached his hand out, holding my chin gently in his fingers. His half-lidded eyes bore into me and he gave me a warm, teasing smile, before uttering two wonderful words.

"Good girl."

I could have perished on the spot.

The power this man--this demon--had over me right now was unbelievable. I was putty in his hands by this point.

And we hadn't even gotten our drinks yet.

I couldn't help but whimper as he took his hand away, letting his index finger trail under my chin.

The vibrations didn't lower again. Throughout our dinner, he would wait for me to get used to one setting before raising it to the next, knowing that the weaker ones wouldn't be enough to make me squirm anymore.

My only respite was that he'd turn off the vibrator entirely whenever I was approaching my peak. It gave me a moment to breathe, sure… but each time, he would wait longer and longer to turn it off, until I was so tantalizingly close that the sudden stillness would leave me a frustrated, whining mess.

All the while, he'd watch me shift in my seat while the pleasure wracked my body, gripping my silverware with such herculean force it could have launched right out of my hands. He'd smile as I tried my damnedest to stay quiet in this erotic game of keep-away, praising me when I spoke to our server without stuttering and chiding me whenever he saw someone glance over at us.

At one point, he had cranked up the vibrations so high that my knees reflexively jerked upwards and whacked the underside of the table. Upon hearing my cry of distinct pain, he instantly broke character and turned it off, coming over to make sure I hadn't cut myself on the wood or the like. Even in the midst of a sneaky, sinful outing like this, it would always warm my heart to see his concern for me.

That mishap definitely turned some heads--thankfully out of concern and not suspicion--so we both agreed to give it a rest for the remainder of the evening. I was definitely going home with a nice bruise, though.

We paid our check--well, more accurately, James paid our check. I offered to split, but he insisted it was to make up for what he had put me through.

When we were in his car, however, he didn't take off immediately. One of his hands rested atop the steering wheel, the other on his leg, just over the pocket of his slacks. He stared ahead, seemingly deep in thought.

"James? You okay?"

He didn't answer immediately. Instead, he uttered a thoughtful hum and turned his head towards me, his lips curling into a smirk.

He took the hand on the steering wheel and instead brought it to my face. Slowly, he smoothed it over my cheek and underneath my chin, tilting my head up to meet his dreamy gaze. He spoke with a low, sultry tone.

"I think you deserve a reward for tonight, my love."

I sank into his touch, my voice catching in my throat. With a bright blush, I could only bring myself to repeat his words back at him.

"A… A reward?"

"For being so well-behaved at dinner," he said. "Would you rather wait until we get home? We could settle into bed, or somewhere else…" He licked his lips, sending a shiver through my body. "And we could be as loud as we want."

At his words, flashes of my incubus husband absolutely dominating me in various places at home played in my mind.

James pinning me from behind against the bookcases in the library.

His head nestled between my thighs as I sat atop the kitchen counter.

Binding my arms and legs to the bedposts and refusing to touch me until I begged him for it.

Despite how insanely tempting these daydreams were… they really weren't doing my patience any favors…

James continued to speak, bringing me back to reality.

"Or…"

From the corner of my eye, I could see his other hand take the remote from his pocket. He pulled me closer and leaned over, until his soft lips ghosted over mine.

"Do you think I've teased you enough already?"

I trembled at his words, caught between my patience and my libido.

>> “I can wait ‘till we get home."

>> “No more teasing.”

Like he even had to ask.

I just sat in a fancy public eatery with a vibrator assaulting my clit for over an hour, with my own husband at the controls. I lost count of how many times I was just about to come when he suddenly stopped with a devious smile and left me to whine. Not to mention the extra effort of making sure that nobody caught wind of what we were doing.

I did not want to wait any longer. I couldn’t wait any longer.

I leaned forward and closed my eyes, pressing my lips to his in a desperate series of kisses.

“Please…” I begged between contact. “No more teasing…”

I knew James liked it when I begged.

But honestly, my pent-up need was so genuine, I don’t think that knowledge would have mattered right now anyway.

James’s grip on my chin tightened slightly as he gave me one final, deep kiss. And again, he trailed his finger under my chin as he parted, my head instinctively following to maintain that electric contact.

My eyes fluttered open, and I saw him fastening his seatbelt and shifting into drive.

Wait, really?! Come on…!

James simply nodded to me. “Go ahead and buckle in,” he prompted.

I was about to protest, but then I saw his eyes. A bright golden color stared back at me, and beneath it, a knowing smile. The warmth that surged through me from his enthrallment could have melted me to the seat.

That wasn’t a prompt. That was an order.

I did as he told, making sure the belt was snug against me. James rested one hand on the wheel again, not breaking his gaze at me.

“Good girl.”

I couldn’t stop the mewl that came from my throat at those words. He simply chuckled and turned to face the road, starting our trip home.

I sat with bated breath, but James said nothing. It was easily the longest 15 seconds of my life.

That is, until a familiar sensation hit me.

“Hnnh--!”

My knees jerked up as the vibrator started up again--thankfully, at its lowest setting, and with no table in the way this time.

I was already so sensitive from our time in the restaurant. With James’s enthrallment in effect as well, it was a wonder I didn’t pass out immediately from the overwhelming pleasure.

I clutched the edge of the seat tightly with one hand and covered my mouth with the other. Even though we were in the car by ourselves, cruising down a mostly empty road, my instinct was still to remain quiet.

James heard my stifled cries, and from the corner of my eye, I could see his thumb move over the buttons on the remote before he spoke.

“Don’t hold it in.”

Not even a second after those words, the vibrations increased, and my hand suddenly lost the strength to stay clamped over my mouth. It fell to my lap and clutched the hem of my dress, and I lowered my head as a long, loud whine escaped my throat.

“There we go. That’s it,” he purred. His voice alone was enough to draw another one out of me.

I could barely form a coherent thought. My heart pounded in my chest, my breaths became ragged, and my hips jutted up from the seat and further into the vibrator. I was already so close... Not surprising, considering what I had just been through prior.

“James, I--I ca…” I could barely manage between breaths. “I-I’m--”

James simply hummed, and I heard him set the remote in the cupholder between us before reaching over to slip my hand into his.

“That’s it, love,” he cooed. “Come for me.”

My hand squeezed his and a lengthy moan sounded from my throat, my body naturally obeying his command. White spots filled my vision as my much-needed release finally washed over me in a series of mind-numbing waves. I could only shudder and whimper as the aftershocks made me crumple back into the seat.

There was a fraction of a second afterwards where nothing existed, except the post-orgasmic bliss that served as my reward for a long, torturous night.

And then my eyes snapped open as another pleasure-filled jolt shot through my body.

It wasn’t stopping.

“H-Huh…??”

James chuckled softly and let go of my trembling hand, picking up the remote once more as we came to a stoplight. He looked at me with a sultry smile.

“What? You think I’d only let you come once?”

Between the ceaseless overstimulation between my legs and James’s teasing tone, my mind couldn’t even begin to formulate a response. I could only utter a vaguely-inquisitive whimper.

“After the evening I’ve put you through…” he continued. “If I didn’t make it up to you in full, well… That would just be cruel, now, wouldn’t it?”

My chest heaved as I looked ahead of us, and my eyes widened when I saw the names of the intersection.

James was taking the long way home.

Struggling to form words of any kind, I could only look up at him with big, pleading eyes, to which he tilted his head.

“I told you, you deserve a reward.”

James’s thumb ghosted over the buttons.

“And I intend to spoil you."

#Seduce Me #James #Raestrao #my writing #spiced marshmallow

1 note · View note

jamesbuckybarnes19174 · 2 years

Note

message to james: i love u SO SO much james!!! <3 miss u an insane. amount. and i think U are cuter :) i loveeeee u !! <3 eeeeepp !!! u look hot in ur suit B) (that’s a smiley face with glasses hehe) and oh did i mention i reeeeeeaaalllllyyyy miss u? i love u so much, i’m thinking about u always james <333 :) *sends a picture of myself lying down in bed, ur t shirt i’m wearing scrunched up, showing my stomach, blushing*

message to james: hiiiiii i know i am sending u another message butttt… i’m feeling a liiiiiiiittleeeeee… hmmmmmm… naughty? bdbfnssn that sounds so silly but… i really miss u james… *sends a picture of myself shirtless, covering my chest just enough, wearing ur boxers, blushing deeply*

voice message to james: hi baby… *giggles softly* i just sent you a bunch of texts… please don’t look at the second one around anyone else… *laughs* it’s… *whispers* naughty *laughs again* i just… i need you… i need your touch… i need your hands all over me… *giggles softly and then pauses* j-james? do you… *hums softly* do y-you wanna h-hear… m-me… t-touch? *exhales shakily, rustling noises* i c-can’t believe ‘m doing this but… *moans softly, panting* i l-love y-you james… i m-miss you s-so much… i n-need you… b-badly… *whines softly* w-wanna be a g-good girl for y-you… i l-love you… s-so much… *whimpers, moaning a little louder, then whines loudly, breathing heavily after* g-god… o-okay… g-gonna clean up… b-be back james

voice message to james: okay, ‘m back… i c-can’t believe i— umm i h-hope that was o-okay for me to send… i just… i don’t know w-what came over me… *pauses and then chuckles softly* well… a-anyways… umm i really miss you *chuckles* and i love you so much… i really can’t wait to be with you again baby… it’s not creepy that you watch me when ‘m sleeping by the way, i do the same to you *giggles softly* and i will most definitely be attached to you… i want to just be by your side allll day… i love you so much james… *hums softly* i wish we were cuddling… always feels so nice to cuddle with you… i really really adore you james… i miss you a ton so… am glad ‘m conveying that in my messages… *giggles* i think you’re so handsome james… i love seeing pictures of you… keep sending them, okay? *chuckles* i need to see your handsome face… and you make me extremely happy james… you’re just… you’re one of the most amazing people i’ve ever met… so ‘m happy that i make you happy… i wanna make you smile everyday forever… your smile is so cute… *hums* mhm! scout n james… *giggles softly* i get butterflies hearing you say my name… am blushing… and can be each others pillows baby! *giggles* i love you so much… i’ll do my best to be even cuter for you! i just… i want you too james… i need you so bad… so take care of yourself for me, please? i’m okay, just missing you… can’t wait to spend the whole day cuddling you! *giggles and hums* it does? oh baby you’re so cute… so blushy… *kisses my locket* hear that baby? ‘s the sound of me kissing you… *hums* we take good care of each other… and you always sound good baby! i love your voice… *giggles* i wanna cuddle you forever and ever… i love you so much james… i love you…

message to kitten: I love you so much baby. No baby, you’re definitely cuter :) miss you so much. Thank you baby, you’re looking really good. You did mention that but I think I have to mention again I also really miss you. I love you baby. I’m thinking about you always too my baby. *sends a sleepy picture of myself*

message to kitten: feeling naughty? Was wondering if I’d get any message from you like this. Doesn’t sound silly baby. I miss you too. You look beautiful baby. Nearly spit out my water when I saw your picture :) *sends a picture of me in bed, smiling, shirtless and in just my boxers*

voice message to kitten: hey…I uh…w-well I listened to your message and t-then just…fuck you got me so obsessed with you…you really do…*chuckles then sighs, shuffling a little* I know baby…I need you too…your touch…I miss it so much…a-and I definitely wanted to and still wanna hear you touch yourself *chuckles, then sighs softly* do you wanna hear me then? *snorts and keeps quiet for moment then hums softly* I love you too baby…m-miss your hands…and your mouth…*moans quietly* oh you’re such a good girl for me…you always are…bein’ my good g-girl right now…I love you baby…I really love you…*groans, trying to keep quiet then moans a little louder, my breath shaky* fuck *laughs* I’ll be back.

voice message to kitten: now…’m back…*chuckles, still a little breathless* that was okay baby…I needed that too *hums softly* I miss you too baby…I love you…we’ll be together soon baby…oh so we watch each other sleep? That’s cute isn’t it? *chuckles* good baby…I’ll be attached to you…don’t have to leave my side at all…I love you so much scout. I know baby…I wish I was layin’ in bed right now…facin’ you and givin’ you little kisses all over your face. *snorts* yeah baby I think uh…a common thing between us the past couple of days is that we really miss each other *chuckles then hums* thank you…I think you’re pretty…those pictures you sent me today? Fuck…*sighs contently* I need to your face too and fuckin’ kiss all over it…oh baby…you make me very happy…happiest I’ve been in so long…’m gonna always do my best to make you happy and smile. I’ll take care of you always. My smile is cute? Hm…*chuckles* uh…butterflies huh? My scout…I love you so much…okay baby…I want you too. I need you…’s nice hearin’ you need me. ‘M doin’ my best to take care of myself I promise…’m tryin’ *clears my throat* hope you’re okay baby…*chuckles* yeah very blushy now cause of…all your…messages…I hear it…*kisses my locket back* we always take goo care of each other…I love your voice too baby…we’ll cuddle as soon as I get back okay? I promise. I love you so much baby…I love you…

0 notes

ladyvesuvia · 3 years

Text

Moniker Origin

PAIRING: Sirius Black x Fem!Gryffindor!Reader

SUMMARY: Befriending a stray dog not only leads to a routine rendezvous every midnight but also the story of how Sirius got one of his many names.

WORDS: 5.5k

WARNING(S): Just fluff but involves cursing, name-calling, nicknames, mentions of celebrities/characters from the 70s, mentions of eating and food. || SECOND PERSON

A/N: can u tell this is kind of an indirect prequel to i’m a dreamer hsjsiw anyway i hope u like it!!! for @meiitanoia my beloved sirius black lovebot <3

[NAVIGATION] [MASTERLIST]

You woke up with a start. The curtains to your four-poster bed danced gently, as if attempting to put you into a trance. It worked: You watched it, transfixed more than ever until you slowly gained proper consciousness, or at least enough to let you yawn.

You reached out to push the curtains a bit to find that it was still night-time. You could hear light snores coming from your roommates, but you ignored it in desperate hopes of falling asleep again. You couldn’t; not that you didn’t want to, because you really did. The reason for your tossing and turning at this late hour was most likely because you slept around six p.m., an unideal hour for sleep on a weekday. You’d passed on dinner, and told yourself you’d just take breakfast early in the morning.

Giving up, you threw out your feet off the bed, feeling the cold surface of the floor. The clock told you it was half past eleven as it kept ticking and ticking and ticking.

Before you knew it, you were trudging down the deserted halls of Hogwarts, half-melted dark chocolate in one hand and your lightened wand in the other. You bought it from Honeydukes just last weekend on your visit to Hogsmeade. You didn’t know where you were going, but you just wanted to be somewhere else, maybe even do something exciting.

For cautionary measures, you looked in every direction every time you reached a turn in fear of getting caught by any roaming person of authority. Peeves would probably make a sound that’ll draw Mr. Filch’s attention; Mrs. Norris could appear, and that in itself is bad news already; Mr. Filch himself could catch you and start throwing insane threats; or maybe someone from the faculty could catch you and put you in detention, and you knew full well you did not want to spend time doing an absurd task.

When you managed to slip out unnoticed, you walked over to the bank of the lake, the rocks crunching under your feet. It was probably one of the things you find in horror movies when all is still, all is sleeping, and the monster is yet to come—

Your pulse skipped a beat when the sight of something running away from the forest shuffled past. You realized it was just a dog, but it gave you a shock nonetheless. Just a dog, you thought. Just a dog.

You pulled out the chocolate from your pocket, unwrapping it carelessly. It wasn’t until you took your first bite did you realize the dog was right behind you, watching you with curious eyes.

“I’d give you some but dogs aren’t allowed to eat chocolate,” you said to the dog, who then whined in response as it sat down. “I really can’t, I’m sorry.”

One might think a big black dog sneaking up on you in the middle of a night would cause a fright, but it was strangely more comforting than eerie. After all, it was just a dog.

Just looking at the creature reminded you of Snuffles, your very own dog who died while you were away from home and sitting in History of Magic, unaware your best bud had passed. You looked down hopefully at the dog in front of you.

“Snuffles?” you inquired hesitantly, reaching out your hand. Please don’t bite, you chanted more to yourself than to the dog. To your relief, it approached you gingerly and let you pet its head. “Is it you?”

Highly unlikely, you knew that, but it wouldn’t hurt to hope that it was, right? You’d spent your entire childhood with that dog: Sleeping together under a poorly done fort until daybreak; getting lost in the neighborhood together, earning disapproving opinions from the neighbors; and most of all, countless birthdays.

Well, just to name a few.

Maybe it was the moonlight reflecting off of the lake’s waters, but you could’ve sworn you saw the dog wink. You took your hand back to rub your eyes before studying the dog. “Are you Hagrid’s?”

The dog simply sat there, looking at you curiously. “Right, like a dog’s gonna talk back to me.” You chuckled, laughing at yourself. “Come, I’ll bring you back to him.”

It didn’t move. “Look, I can’t give you chocolate. Maybe I can sneak you some steak or something next time if you’re still here. I’d give you dog food but they don’t have that around here. But I reckon Hagrid has some, though. Do you want me to get you food?”

Once again, maybe (just maybe) it was only your imagination, but you got the sense that the dog disagreed. You didn’t push it any further and so you simply made yourself comfortable even under the rocks. You set down your cloak under your bottom to serve as a mat. It didn’t do much, but it was better. You gestured for the dog to come closer.

“I’m gonna call you Snuffles now,” you said as you picked up a stone. “Watch this.” With a swing of your arm, you sent the stone flying into the lake, skipping three times. “I used to be able to do four. You’d know, you were there!”

Snuffles your dog from years ago indeed was there with you when it happened on your family trip to your lake house, but this was not Snuffles; this was your very own classmate and Housemate, Sirius Black himself. He’d never talked to you before, much less noticed you, so it was a surprise to him that he’s spending his time with you at this late hour.

Nevertheless, it was a time well-spent even when it was mostly (entirely) just watching you skip rocks down the lake as you talked about the aforementioned Snuffles. He didn’t know how long you two sat there, but sat you did anyway. Twice he thought of a joke to tell only to be disappointed for of course, he couldn’t voice it out.

“I named her Snuffles because she used to cry a lot when we first brought her home from the shelter and mum didn’t want us to call her Sniffles so I went with the next best thing.” You put your legs in front of you. “Poor little thing.”

It wasn’t until the sky brightened a bit did you realize you were thirsty from all the talking you were doing. You would've stayed for the sunrise but, well, schedules would tragically overlap.

“Crap,” you thought as you began picking up your cloak, “I’ll end up dozing off in class! Anyway, I’ll try and bring you steak later, Snuffy.”

With a wave, you ran away from the lake, cloak in your arms, unaware that you had left your wand behind. Sirius was watching you until you disappeared from sight before he spotted the wand, which he then picked up.

He de-transformed on his way just a bit by a wall, and as soon as he did, he tucked your wand into his own cloak. He glanced back just for a second before running back to the castle. By the time he got to the painting of the Fat Lady, he halted at the sight of the girl from earlier — you.

“—you know me already, ma’am. I just forgot the password is all. Please let me in.”

“No password, no entry,” spat the Fat Lady. “And it does not do to wake up a sleeping person.”

“Well, you’re just a painting,” you mumbled. And if Sirius could hear it from where he was standing, the Fat Lady probably heard it too.

“Hmph!” exclaimed the Fat Lady. “Children are foul.”

“They are, aren’t they?” you chimed in hopes of getting on the Fat Lady’s better graces.

“I was talking about you, child,” said the Fat Lady with disdain. “Now scoot!”

You were about to walk away when Sirius decided to walk in. You froze.

It was only until then did it dawn on Sirius that he did not know your name because you had not told him anything earlier. He turned to the Fat Lady.

“Spondulicks,” said Sirius. The Fat Lady merely grunted as the painting swung open to reveal the room. “After you, m’lady.”

It was like he was seeing a different person; you refused to meet his eyes as you hurriedly walked into the opening of the painting, arms crossed. He was almost about to give you your wand but realized what a bad idea that would be, and so he kept his mouth shut.

You kept walking straight ahead, and Sirius had to stifle his laugh at the sight of you missing a step on the stairs to the girls’ dormitory, especially when your pace quickened after this.

That morning at breakfast, you were nowhere to be found. Sirius took his seat next to James while skimming the length of the Gryffindor table.

“What’re you looking for?” asked James, curiously scanning the table as well.

“This girl with [Y/H/C] hair,” Sirius replied absentmindedly as he slowly settled down, still looking for her.

“A girl? You’re gonna have to be more specific, mate. But bagsy snogging her.”

“What — you can’t bagsy her, you haven’t even met her,” spat Sirius. James was rather taken aback but still seemed to be stifling his laugh at the outburst nonetheless. Sirius cleared his throat. “And need I remind you that you’re trying to get Evans?”

“Mhm, I was just trying to see how interested you were in this girl to be preoccupied with looking for her instead of petting your hair.” More and more people began to file in to the common room and Sirius’s attention went to the door after determining you were not seated in one of the tables.

“It’s called combing, and you should try it.” Sirius ran his hand through his hair. “It would do you good to look fresh at least once.”

James snickered. “What can I tell you, Pads? The ladies like the rugged look.”

“I don’t think they do,” remarked Remus.

“Oh trust me, Remus,” James started with a smug grin. “They do. The key to it is—”

But Sirius never found out what ‘the key to it’ was; at least, not today. After a group of younger Ravenclaws walked in, he finally spotted you right behind them and his back straightened even more. For what, he did not know.

You took your seat beside a couple more Gryffindors and helped yourself to food on your own plate. You were busy rubbing her eyes, giving Sirius more time to watch. When you finished, you caught him looking at you, but he didn’t break the eye contact; instead, he smiled.

“Oh, her?” exclaimed James, trying to get a better look. Sirius gently kicked his foot at how obvious he was, but he nodded in confirmation. James blew a raspberry. “I can’t bagsy, can I?”

Sirius scowled. “No.”

“Then I call dibs.”

“Wha — that’s the same thing! You can’t just call dibs.” Sirius cleared his throat once more, for James was raising a brow to signify he’d proved his point. “You can’t.”

“Wouldn’t hurt you to go on over and talk to her, would it? After all, you do it all the time.” James stretched out his arms and made gestures of triumph. “Hook, sink, liner.”

“It’s actually ‘Hook, line, and sinker,’” said Remus.

“No it’s not. Get a load of this guy,” James joked (or not). “Anyway, come on, I’ll come with you. But I apologize in advance if my hair works better than yours.”

When they made it over to where you were sitting, you appeared to be manually wiping your plate with a tissue.

“Excuse me,” started Sirius, gesturing at the plate, “May I?”

Hesitantly and still not meeting his gaze, you handed him the plate. Sirius pulled out his wand and with a small flick, he said, “Tergeo!”

When he handed it back, you simply nodded your head in thanks and began to stuff it in your bag.

“Wait, are you stealing a plate?” James asked with a grin, on the verge of laughing. “You wouldn’t want to do that. See, our friend’s a Prefect and he’ll totally tell Professor Meownerva — pun courtesy of Peter, by the way.” James snickered. “I wish I’d thought of it first be—Ow!”

Sirius had stepped on James foot. “I’ll take it from here, Bambi.”

James managed a scowl before leaving the scene. You didn’t know what to do; so in your mind, you started devising ways to get yourself out of that situation: Make a run for it or melt on the spot; neither seemed like a good option.

“Why are you stealing a plate?” he asked.

“Er — long story. Have a good day.” Then you stood up and began to walk away, backing up a bit to grab a piece of sandwich before completely storming off.

When Sirius returned the other three were there, laughing out loud together.

James leaned closer. “Her name’s [Y/N].”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” exclaimed Sirius, annoyed.

“Hook, sink, liner,” said James confidently.

Remus cleared his throat again. “Again, it’s ‘Hook, line, and’—”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” dismissed James.

▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰

On your first class (Transfiguration), the two of you clearly could not at all suppress your yawns: Sirius was doing fairly better compared to you, for he had the decency to not let his head plop face down on his desk, but he was sleepy nonetheless. This was no surprise to Sirius. After all, he hadn’t slept that morning. As for you, he did not know whether or not you slept but according to your peaceful and sleeping face, he kind of had a clue.

He wasn’t listening, and so when everyone brought out their wands, he just cluelessly followed the others. Professor McGonagall approached the middle row and stopped just right next to you.

“Miss [Y/L/N]?” started McGonagall. “If I’m not mistaken, bedtime ended hours ago.”

You merely grunted. McGonagall cleared her throat. “Excuse me, Miss [Y/L/N]?”

The professor put the back of her palm against your forehead. She lifted your face off the table and her eyes widened. “Heavens! Child, you look positively ghastly. Remus, kindly take—”

“I’ll do it,” said Sirius. “I’m her. . .” As he trailed off, all eyes went back and forth from you, McGonagall, and him. He opened his mouth again to add, “friend. We’re friends.”

Although McGonagall appeared to be reluctant, she let you go, advising you to visit Madam Pomfrey. Sirius risked a smug look in James’s way before following you out the door, eager to speak with you.

“So you’re feeling unwell?” asked Sirius.

“Look, buddy, I appreciate it but I honestly just want to go to bed.”

“Didn’t Minnie McG tell you to visit Madam Pomfrey?”

You halted. “I’m not sick.”

“What do you mean? What about the drowsy eyes and the head hurting and the red nose—?”

“Okay, now you’re making my head hurt.” You faced him, hands on your hips in defiance. “Here’s what’s gonna happen, Black: I’ll go back to my room and you’ll take a walk to the Hospital Wing and back to class.”

“But you’re sick.”

“Buddy, I’m really not,” you said with an irritated laugh. “I haven’t slept yet and I lost my wand. How do you think I’ll be able to go to class without a damn wand?”

Sirius scoffed. “Then what about your runny red nose and teary eyes?”

“Really? Are purebloods really that dense not to come up with basic ways to get out of class?” It was almost ironic. After all, you’d heard tons of brilliant things pureblooded wizards could do. Clearly they weren’t as crafty. You snorted. “Do you really want to know?”

“Do I? Of course I do.”

And with a bit of consideration, you recounted your gimmicks: collecting two chili peppers from the table and lightly patting your finger under your eyes to make it teary (it badly hurt), pinching your nose as soon as you left the Great Hall and sprinkling a bit of pepper on your sleeve to get yourself to sneeze, taking a quick hot shower without getting your hair wet, and more.

“Wow,” he exclaimed under his breath, astonished. You shrugged in response, turning around to walk away. “Wait, then why did you agree for me to take you instead of Remus?”

“Eh, well, your friend who’s trying so hard to be Michael Landon said that the Remus guy was a Prefect so I figured that he’s probably a snitch.”

“Trust me, he’s not a snitch,” Sirius said with a laugh. “Wait, I don’t even know who Michael Landon is but could you say that thing again but to James’s face tomorrow morning at breakfast?”

“No.” You turned your back on him, walking away. “May we never talk again.”

“You’re welcome, by the way!” He watched as you made a turn, disappearing from view before making a face. “Ungrateful chick.”

That entire day, you spent your time in bed, tossing and turning to keep yourself awake. Whenever someone came in during vacant time, you made sure the curtains to your four-poster bed were sealed shut while pretending to sniffle.

It was Friday, so you were thankful for the time to rest. You were thinking of just looking for your wand tomorrow when you remembered the dog. You shifted in your bed as you slowly stood up, peeking through the curtains of your bed. Your roommates were probably still in the common room, so you peeked your head out to grab your bag from beside your bed and pulled it in before shutting the curtains close.

You pulled out the plate you got from earlier that morning and waited.

Waited for your roommates to come in and chat for a while.

Waited until the lights went out.

Waited until the only sound you could hear was the ticking of the clock in the room.

You were about to fall asleep when what you could only assume was a bird hit itself against the window, jolting you awake.

It was dead silent. And just like you did hours ago, you threw your feet out of your bed. Going out at this hour without a wand felt threatening, but you reassured yourself, just thinking over and over that it would be just like old times back when you didn’t know you were a witch.

There was no one in the common room by the time you got down there. You tightened your grip on the plate in your hands, thinking about how good a weapon it would make (it probably wasn’t, but it was good enough to make you feel like you had a chance).

You slipped out, unaware once more of the same boy you had talked to the night before following you.

The walk down the halls and stairs without a light made your tour all the more frightening: Jumping when you accidentally graze your hand too much on one of the paintings which often earned an angry grunt from them, feeling for the next step of the stairs in fear of tripping over, and so on.

Sirius resisted the urge to just approach you and give you your wand, resorting to just staying behind to make sure you got out safely. He was about to keep going straight ahead when you made a turn, confusing him.

It took a few more turns for him to realize you were headed for the kitchens. He had to wait outside until you came back out a short while later with something in the plate.

Laughing silently to himself, he followed you again to the grounds, your wand in his cloak pocket, feeling like a hundred pounds weighing him down.

You went back to where you were last night, scouring the rocks in hopes of spotting a distinct shape among the round shapes. You cursed under your breath in disappointment as you set the plate of steak aside, your eyes falling to the dark surface of the lake. Gulping, you tied up the pant legs of your pajamas, mumbling inaudible words to yourself at what you were about to do.

Only your feet were in the water when you heard a loud bark, causing you to jump a bit, toppling backward at the sight of the black dog. You felt the water soak your back and a bit of your head.

“Snuffles?” you asked the dog whilst shaking yourself dry as you stood up. “There’s steak over there. It’s for you.”

If it weren’t for his physical state, Sirius would be laughing right now. The least he could do was walk your way, sitting right beside the plate of the steak.

“I know it’s not as good as I promised but it’s the best I could give, I’m sorry,” you said to the dog as it looked at you curiously. You bent down to pick up your cloak, drying yourself and wrapping it around you. With a huff, you squeezed the water out of your hair and sat down on the rocks once again. “I only came down here to look for my wand. It probably rolled down to the bottom of the lake already.”

You yawned. The lack of sleep was already taking a toll on you and you couldn’t let the sun rise before you could lie down in bed.

“Do you not like the steak?” you asked again. “You know, I got that plate for you.”

The dog’s ears perked up, and you reached out to pet it.

“Thank Merlin I got away from that fruitcake.”

▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰

“I’m a fruitcake,” Sirius told his friends that morning as they fell in line for their Hogsmeade trip. James looked at his friend as if he had gone mad (well, one can say he’s halfway there). “Out of all the things I could be, I’m a fruitcake.”

“Took you long enough to figure that out,” said Peter, who then brightened when James burst into a laugh.

“You sure?” said Remus, adjusting his tie. “If you are, then you’re far too salty to be one.”

“Guys, I’m ser—” He cut himself off, aware that they were waiting for an opening to pick fun at his name. “I am not joking.”

“Because you’re. . .?” James said, encouraging him.

Sirius let out an exasperated sigh. “Serious.”

And just like that, the entire group howled in laughter. Rolling his eyes, Sirius scanned the crowd again, but it was the same thing as yesterday — you were once again nowhere to be found.

“Wait, where did you get this fruitcake comment from?” asked Remus.

Sirius recounted your past encounters with him, earning a whoop of cheer and a pat from James.

“I have a plan,” said Sirius. “I’ll just so happen to ‘run into’ her in Hogsmeade and she’ll think I’m charming because I did my hair better today.”

“I don't know, I reckon it’ll be hard to jump from fruitcake puppy to charming knight and shining armor,” said Remus.

It wasn't until they were near the front of the line did Sirius realize there was still no sign of you. He then stepped out of the line, earning sudden protests from the rest of the group.

He made a show of waving at the other three as he disappeared from view before darting down the halls and up the stairs until he made it to the common room, where he plopped down on the couch. A couple of first and second years were gathered by the window playing chess.

Sirius kept his head down as he waited for you to come out until finally, about almost ten minutes later, heavy steps came from the girls’ dormitory as it descended down the stairs. Sirius kept his face down so as to hide himself for you, cursing at himself for being too. . .what’s a nicer way to put creepy again?

He followed you again like the night before, going over the things he wanted to say.

Hello, I’m actually Snuffles.

I’m Snuffles.

Hi, I’m not really a reincarnation of your dog because I’m actually a fruitcake!

It just kept getting worse in his head the more that he dwelled on it, and so he resorted to just focusing on his step when you halted, causing him to run into you.

“You,” you started, stopping with your finger pointed right at him, daring him to speak, “why are you following me?”

“Because. . .” Sirius trailed off. Why was he following you?

Because I'm Snuffles and I have your wand. Because I can turn into a dog. Because while I am Snuffles, I'm also not really Snuffles. Because—

“Because I found your wand,” he blurted out. “Well, consider it as a token of appreciation.”

“For what?”

“For being a good friend. . . ?”

“As far as I know, the first and only time we ever even talked was just yesterday,” you said, gesturing with your hands. “What’s your deal?”

“I want to take a walk,” Sirius relaxed, grinning at you.

“Then do it yourself!” you exclaimed.

“With you, I mean.”

Sirius’s tone calmed you down at least a bit, and so you cleared your throat. Come to think of it, he’s probably not that bad.

You began to walk with him on your way out to the grounds. “And what do I get out of this walking thing of yours?”

Sirius waved his hand with a flourish as we jogged ahead to stop right in front of you, tipping an imaginary hat. “Bragging rights, madam.”

You halted. “You’re gonna have to try better than that, Vinnie Barbarino.”

“Er — that’s good, right?” he asked, tensing up again as he composed himself.

“Depends on how you look at it.”

“Well, does he have nice hair?”

“Again, depends on how you look at it.”

“I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

“You and me both, Vinnie,” you told him with a huff as you two set foot outside.

“It’s certainly better than fruitcake,” he muttered under his breath. You leaned in closer, your brow raised in question. He shook his head and told you it was nothing.

By the time you made it to the bank of the lake, you found yourself unconsciously searching the rocks for your wand.

Sirius snorted. “You can keep looking but it’s not there.”

“Wasn’t trying to.”

He watched as you bent down to pick up a rock and moved closer to the lake. Just like you did a few nights ago, you swung your arm to skip a rock. It was kind of like a movie for him; the way your shoulders sunk a bit after getting only three skips. “I used to be able to do four.”

I’d know, Sirius thought as he grinned at the irony. I was there. Maybe I really am Snuffles.

“So, when are you going to give me my wand?” You turned around to face him again, dusting your hands as you did so.

Sirius wanted to tell you about his alter-ego badly. But at the same time, it was right there and then Sirius realized something. He normally hated the idea of a routine; loathed it, even. But he figured that maybe, just this once, he could make an exception. He didn’t mind going out every single night as Padfoot or Snuffles if it meant the world to you to have something to look forward to. In fact, the line was starting to blur between all his names: Sirius Black, Onion, Padfoot, Snuffles, Fruitcake.

Sirius cleared his throat and told you, “Monday morning when you have breakfast with me.”

“I’m not gonna have breakfast with you.”

“You are now because you’ll get a coupon.”

“What coupon?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“Bragging rights for spending time with me — Sirius Orion Black.”

“You’re awfully presumptuous.”

“Why are you so mean?” Sirius feigned pain by clutching his chest, making a show.

You bit your cheek in attempt not to laugh. “Look, just give me back my wand.”

“Give me your word that you’ll have breakfast with me first.”

“Fine,” you told him. “Now will you give me my wand back?”

Sirius let out a long sigh before taking a step forward and bending down to pick up a rock. He swung his arm backward as he made a shot.

One, two, three, four.

He faced you. “Hook, sink, liner.”

“It’s ‘hook, line, and sinker,’ how could you mess that up?”

“Damn it, James,” he cursed under his breath. “Anyway, here’s your wand.”

This definitely took you by surprise, especially when he pulled it out of his coat pocket and handed it to you with only a friendly smile and without any hesitation.

You grabbed it as fast as you could just in case he changed his mind at the last minute.

Sirius fought the urge to pick fun at the fact that this was close to what one may call fetch.

Wow, he thought. Merlin, I’m literally Snuffles. Sirius could hear his friends’ jeers light years away: Playing fetch with her, Snuffy? Will you also let her walk you? Oh, wait, you already did!

“Thank you,” you told him. “I was literally prepared to dive down there just to get my wand. I know what a big hassle it is to get it replaced and everything.”

“I know,” he said, pertaining to how he knew the lengths you were ready to go to just so you could find your wand, but you took what he said an answer to what you said last.

Sirius began walking again, and you followed. “Why didn’t you go to Hogsmeade with the others?”

“Eh, I’ve been there a lot of times. We’ll go there next time. I’ll take you to—”

You halted. “Woah, woah, who said I’ll be coming with you?”

“Time,” Sirius protested. “It tells you things even you wouldn’t be able to know.”

You scoffed as you kept walking alongside him. “Eh, well, we got Professor Trelawney for that. What do you say we visit her classroom and play with balls? I mean, orbs. No, stop laughing.”

But he didn’t stop. And honestly, neither did you; not even when you completed a turn around the grounds.

That night was a brilliant one: You were headed back downstairs, this time keeping your wand tight in your hand as you did so.

Just like as far as always can go, Snuffles sat by the lake, looking at the ripples that danced along its surface. Why did the dog suddenly look familiar?

You stood right next to Snuffles, who was now looking up at you curiously.

“I can’t stay for long,” you told the dog. “I have to sleep early, you know. I mean, you don’t, but — whatever.”

You bent down to pick up a rock again, watching it skip three times. You cursed under your breath, “How’d he do it?”

Snuffles, originally Sirius himself, snorted. You turned to the dog and shook your head, telling yourself it was your want of sleep playing tricks on you.

“Fruitcake’s actually not that bad,” you started as you picked up another rock. Sirius looked up again. “I think I’ll give him a chance.”

When you finally gave up on skipping rocks, you sat down right next to the dog. “He kinda left a ring of his, see?” You showed the dog Sirius’s ring. The dog blinked. “I’m not planning on keeping it, I’ll give it back to him on a good day.”

A bird flew by, causing you to jump a bit. “Yep, I’m gonna need to sleep this out. Go to Hagrid’s will you? Actually, no, come with me.”

You lead the dog to Hagrid’s hut and told it to stay there. Sirius thought it was funny seeing you boss him around in a gentler manner.

With a wave, you ran back to the doors and dashed up the stairs until you reached the dormitories, where you hastily got in your bed and tucked yourself in.

When breakfast came and you casually sat down right across from Sirius and beside James, a thought came to Sirius’s head again: He wanted you to know him as Sirius Black, no disguises involved. Sure, maybe he’d learn more of you if he continued doing it but . . . he wanted you to learn more of himself, too.

As for telling you his secret identity (not Batman), he decided that it’d be best to let his future self deal with it and just enjoy breakfast with you, which is hopefully just the first of many.

One last thing, though: Snuffles grew on Sirius. Safe to say that he got attached; so much that even when time told new people new fates, he found a way to let the name stay by using it as a safe codename as an attempt to become a lovable stray in the time of danger.

But that doesn’t matter just yet, not when the group was busy having one of the most brilliant Mondays to date.

Taglist: @gingerale2017 @sfdlm @maybanksslut @hey-there-angels @elevatorsdoor @mrzweasley @gwlvr @1-800-itsfreerealestate @marrymetheonott @booksarealwaysbettersworlds-blog @sexysirius @turn-to-page-394-please @greenlyblue @henqtic @badass-yn @meiitanoia @gaycatlord-stuff @just2bubbly @awakendevildays @dracomalfoyposts @crazy-beautiful @adoreyou976 @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts

381 notes · View notes

lovely-jily · 3 years

Text

"you realize that you drive me absolutely mad, right?"

hello friends, as promised here is a little follow up to that fun banter in that last fic that i wrote (if you haven't read it, it's not entirely important but i would suggest it. here's the link)

warning or maybe this is good news, this is a steamy scene, although it's nothing insane.

anyways, here you go you adorable and horny little cuties, luv u<3

James looked up at the sound of high heels walking towards him, a nervous heartbeat echoing its way throughout his entire body.

When she rounded the corner, he felt a short breath escape his lungs as he took the sight of her in.

She was still in her dress, hair still loosely tied up in a low updo. She briefly brushed her soft strands of hair that were framing her face out of the way as she looked at him, leaning against the wall in all his glory.

He was so attractive.

She walked towards him as he stood to his full height and waited for her to meet him, smiling. He was nervous, wondering how this was going to go about and how he would do this smoothly because he was determined to impress this girl.

James had his hands hiding in his pockets, knowing that if they weren't that they would be shaking. "You look- You look nice."

Out of all the things, you settle with 'You look nice"?! James mentally kicked himself, not very pleased with the unwanted reminder that he was not only an idiot but an idiot who was all too entirely smitten with this girl.

While he was making this awareness so much worse, but she honestly had such a calming effect on him it was almost like he didn't realize how much of a mess he was.

Lily placed her hands on her hips; the connection of their eye contact felt magnetic. Her head was tilted slightly, and an all too familiar glint was gleaming in her eye, her face barely lit up from the torches. It was late, well past curfew, but being Head Boy and Girl had its perks. She chuckled and seemed to be debating on whether to address his awkwardness. She seemed to decide to not address it but not let him off the hook either.

"James," She reached out, grabbing his tie securely and used it to pull his body into hers. Because she was pulling his tie into her, their faces were mere centimeters apart, "I'd say that it's best if we skip the whole pointless and awkward small talk and just get to a nice song, yeah?"

He felt his heartbeat pick up as he looked at her, astonished at her directness once again. He loved the way she kept him on his toes and kept him in check. He needed that balance.

"If you insist," He smirked as he quickly and wordlessly picked her up, slinging her over his shoulder as she let out her cackle that he adored so much.

"You're an idiot, you know that, right?" She said, still laughing as he did the code to get into the office.

He set her down, pulling her by her waist into him as his other hand cupped her cheek, "You like it."

She rolled her eyes just as he started kissing her, suddenly forgetting the nervousness that crippled him just seconds before.

His lips were hungry, not wasting time with his tongue, his hands grabbing her as if her body were water and he was dying of dehydration. She returned his energy, tugging at his hair and pulling at his dress robes with a newfound enthusiasm. They were both unaware of how much the other person craved them until this moment.

"How did the rest of your night go?" He asked, bringing his lips to her jawline. He kissed down her neck and onto her chest as Lily let out a heavy breath. His left hand found its way to her waist, the other tightly grasping at her thigh through the slit of her dress.

"It was alright. Yours?" She breathed out, clearly not thinking about whether she actually had an alright night. She was concerned about other things at the moment.

Hearing her heavy breath, noticing how she released her head back only fueled his desire to make her feel good. He had the power to do that to her, he was the one who could give her that release.

James pulled away from her and shrugged, "Turns out that Sirius is a lousy date. The bloke spent more time flirting with people than he spent with me."

She pulled her lips into a soft smile of amusement, her cheeks flushed. James made a mental note to never forget how she looked in this moment, face flushed, lips slightly turned pink from his scruff, and her chest was quickly rising and falling from the quick acceleration in their movements.

"You can't tell me that you're surprised by that."

He sighed, taking the sight of her in, wondering how he was lucky enough to even be in this situation, his hands still planted on her waist, touching her, pleasing her, feeling her. He was a lucky man.

"And you think that Biers is better?"

"Hey," She smirked, tangling her fingers into his curls, "He's honestly quite nice."

"So is Flitwick, but you don't see me trying to get into his pants," James brought one of his hands to her jawline, resting his thumb on her cheek as that inevitable smirk curled up onto where Lily's lips just were.

She let out an overdramatic gasp and looked as though she had never been more shocked by anything ever in her life, "No way! All this time, I thought that you were entirely smitten with him."

"No, he's not really my type," James, getting tired of his lips feeling lonely and cold, pressed them to the corner of her jawline. He noted how warm, soft, and all too inviting her skin was.

"And who is?" Lily, unable to hide the pleasure James was giving her, still had a slight bubbly and giggle in her voice.

"Definitely Hagrid," James whispered in her ear, pulling at her hair with his other hand and smelling her light scent, smiling through whiffs of vanilla and flowers, "He makes me so-"

Lily pushed his chest back slightly, so his face was in front of hers, and he noted the way she was miserably failing to hide her enjoyment, "Do you normally talk about Hagrid in your foreplay?"

"Well, is it working?" James asked, eyes lighting up in delight that she was enjoying his jokes. That used to never happen.

She gave him another eye roll as an answer, shoving his jaw away from her with her hand, "You never fail to astonish me with how thick you are, did you know that, Potter?"

He brought his fingers to her ear, rubbing the top of it slightly in between his fingers, smiling wider this time, "Did I just hear that I astonish you?"

"Can we get back to the important stuff now?" She grabbed his robes by the front of his chest, pulling him in, and crashed her lips into his again.

His hand snaked its way from her waist to wrap around her lower back, enabling him to lift her into him. Keeping his hand on her thigh that she then wrapped around his waist, he carried her to the neatly organized desk. He thanked himself for tidying up his work from earlier.

She kept her legs around him as it allowed her to better press her body into his, shedding the jacket off of his dress robes off of his shoulders, untucking his shirt from his pants, and feeling his abdomen muscles. This brought up a deep growl from the back of James's throat that Lily thoroughly enjoyed, forgetting how much she loved to tease the lad.

He brought his hand from her lower back to her breast over her dress, something he had wanted to do for hours now, and his hand on her thigh conveyed his enjoyment of this as it squeezed eagerly.

Lily pulled away and smirked at him, pushing him back with her heeled foot on his chest. His hazel eyes were darkened with desire, and his hair was a disaster.

"Something wrong?" He asked, clearly not understanding her sudden removal. His hands were on his hips as he tried to steady his breathing.

"We've been moving at a rather quick pace," Lily responded, leaning back on her palms as her head tilted to the side, not trying to hide her amusement. It felt so good having someone want her in this way.

James raised his eyebrows, wondering if he hadn't adequately gone about this and hoping that it was all consensual, "Lily- Are you saying- We don't have to go as far as we have in the past, whatever you're-"

She gave a slight snicker, clearly endeared by his concern for her, "While I'm thrilled that you are concerned about proper consent, I'm talking about the actual tempo, not boundaries. Don't worry," She lowered her voice back to one of seduction, "I still very much want you to touch me."

James's face relaxed, cocking his head to the side and simpering as he put his hands on her ankle, running them up and down her calf, "Is that so?"

She nodded, head still tilted. She seemed to be waiting for him to make the next move. He was happy to supply.

"And you said," He slowly started moving his hands to gently take off her silver heels on both feet. His movements were light, delicate, yet secure. The anxiety that filled him earlier was forgotten entirely.

After he got one of her heels off, he carelessly dropped it to the floor, repeating it with the other. He then rubbed his hands over her legs as he pulled himself closer to her, leaning against the desk so that their lips were only millimeters apart.

"And you said that we're moving too quickly? What's the issue in that?" His breath was soft on her face, and he could barely see the light blush that was on her cheeks. He was sure that she noticed his excitement as well.

She shrugged, giving him a look that nearly made James come undone right then and there, rubbing her nose up his face slightly. "I just think that the best things happen slowly."

He closed the gap with his forehead, touching them together as he looked down at their lips that were so close, feeling her breath hit his skin.

"You realize that you drive me absolutely mad, right?"

"Oh, yes," She smiled, bringing her hand to his cheek, "Not only do I know it, but I love it."

151 notes · View notes

lumosinlove · 3 years

Text

Cw: mentions of drugs and mentions of past abuse

Previously On Relic Keel

Remus has started to associate sailing with Sirius Black ever since Sirius told him he watches his boat every morning. He thinks about how tired he is of knowing everything there is to know and wishes to leave the island.

Remus also starts his new job at the Hogwarts History Museum where he meets up with his friend Layla, whose family runs the museum, and whose brother, Lyall, Remus races sailboats against. On his way there, he reflects on the divide between Salazars and Godrics. He remembers Sirius at school, and how he was either celebrated or shunned with seemingly no pattern.

After their first shift at the museum, Layla takes Remus to The Lion for lunch, chastising Remus’ prejudices, and introduces him to Leo. Remus sees Leo’s rainbow bracelet and thinks about how badly he wants a boyfriend. We also learn that Luke is also gay, but that he and Remus have always been just friends.

Logan arrives at The Lion, too, is introduced, and listens in on Remus finding out a new exhibit on madness at the museum—the Lupins are known for going insane, but Remus’ mother mentioned nothing to Remus about this exhibit.

Leo learns that Logan is looking for someone (Finn). Logan reflects on a sleepy feeling that seemed to go away with his escape from the orphanage. Leo offers Logan a job, if he wants, and also tells him about The Voldemort.

The Voldemort is a boat from the eighteenth century that is said to have sank in The Cradle, a U shaped arrangement of islands just off of Hogwarts Southern Coast. Leo’s dad was close to finding it. Leo feels like he should want to find it, too, for his lost father.

Saint and Sirius arrive. Saint and Logan see each other for the first time in almost ten years, since Saint escaped when he was seven. Logan tells him that Finn got him out and Saint finds out that Logan sells Crucio.

Pascal, who owns the Lion with his wife Celeste, is introduced. He’s very close with Saint and Sirius, and he apparently knew Leo’s father before he went missing at sea. Saint learns that Logan is staying with Leo.

James and Remus arrive, looking for Dorcas who Thomas said might be selling Crucio to Luke. They’d like her to stop and are willing to pay. Logan takes advantage of this and, although he doesn’t sell to Luke, cons James out of 200 bucks.

Saint learns that Logan has gotten tangled up with The Carrows, the more dangerous of the two Crucio dealers, the other, safer one being Kasey Winter, in the hopes that they will help him get Finn out. Instead, he’s in their debt for using their Crucio himself.

Logan slips and calls Saint Bash. Saint refuses to help Logan get Finn out.

A/N: I super don’t speak Latin. And neither do my trees.

part v

Dorcas watched as Saint took his book from the floor of the back seat and flipped his sunglasses down.

“How long?” he asked. “And how do I keep getting stuck with this job?”

“Because Sirius is a better surfer than you are,” Dorcas replied. “And you know what, you can take off. Her parents are out of town for the weekend so her dad won’t be coming home or anything.”

Saint paused and raised an eyebrow. “And so I just drove you because…”

“I didn’t feel like walking?”

“Clever gal.”

Dorcas smiled. “I know.”

“Whatever, I need the car anyway.”

“What are you up to? I thought you were working at the Potters.”

“Just Sirius today,” Saint threw his book back into the rear seats. “I’ve got some detective work ahead of me.”

“Does this have anything to do with that little friend of yours that Sirius told me about?”

Saint rolled his eyes. “Of course he told you.”

“You know you two can’t keep secrets from me.”

“Don’t I.”

“See you later, babe,” Dorcas opened her door.

Saint gave her a salut as she headed around towards the dug-out fence.

Marlene had her paints out and her hair up in a bun when she pushed the window up and open for Dorcas.

“Luke’s here,” she said, and rolled her eyes as she turned away.

Dorcas froze in the window frame to see Luke with his feet crossed, laying on Marlene’s bed.

“Okay,” Dorcas said. “Can he leave?”

“Hey,” Luke said. “Cousin privileges.”

“Girlfriend privileges,” Dorcas said, shutting the window behind her. “Plus, can’t you go, like, toss a ball at a net with a stick or something?”

Luke rolled his eyes—not unlike his cousin. “I’m on a rest day. Plus, I’m off the team.”

“And whose fault is that?” Dorcas raised an eyebrow.

“He’s just getting out of the house for a bit,” Marlene said with a pointed look that Dorcas understood as he’s getting away from his mother.

“Plus,” Marlene continued. “He’s a good cover story.”

“I thought your dad wasn’t here.”

Marlene shook her head. “Came home early. Guess his newest gal pal didn’t like golf. He’s over at the club now.”

“What’s his deal, anyway?” Luke asked. He had reached over to the bedside table and put a bowl of what looked like mango slices onto his stomach. “With you two, I mean.”

“I am his little princess,” Marlene said dryly. “Not to be dated.”

“And a Salazar girl who lives in The Hollow?” Dorcas shook her head. “No deal.”

“Right,” Luke said. “Like that’s never happened before.”

Dorcas snorted and sat on the bed, too, stealing a few pieces of fruit. “Like you’re any better than the rest of them, Deveaux.”

“I am,” Luke said. “I don’t hate Salazars.”

“But you hate Hollows.”

Luke grinned. “I don’t hate them, either. They hate me, and what am I gonna do about their jealousy? That’s their issue.”

“God, you’re an asshole,” Dorcas sighed.

“He’s really not though,” Marlene stepped back as she regarded the painting she was working on. Luke’s face looked back out at them from the canvas. “He just likes to make-believe.”

“Could have fooled me and my friends.”

“He’s a great actor,” Marlene agreed, then stuck her tongue out at Luke. “I just happen to have known him before he learned how.”

“All right, fuck you both,” Luke grumbled, and ate another piece of mango.

“Believe me,” Dorcas said. “We’re not jealous of you.”

Luke raised an eyebrow. “You can’t tell me you wish you didn’t have to sell Felix to make a little more money?”

Dorcas narrowed her eyes. “Like you and your money live such a great life.”

Luke looked away, jaw tight.

“Yeah,” Dorcas said. “I’d take Crucio and the friends I have over that any day.” After a moment of hesitation, she looked down and mumbled. “And by the looks of your little habit, so would you.”

“Fuck you, Meadowes,” Luke snarled. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“All right, all right,” Marlene said, tilting her head as she added color to Luke’s cheeks in her painting. “Cool it, kids. Take a chill pill. Knock it down a notch. Luke, why don’t you go get us some pizza or something? Or maybe pick up from Thomas’. I crave his nachos, holy cow. Also, tell him to come hang out later tonight, if he can.”

Luke held Dorcas’ eyes for a moment, then pushed himself up from the bed. “Pepperoni, you?”

“Pineapple and ham, thanks,” Marlene said, and smiled at Dorcas as she patted his back out the door.

“Hi,” Marlene laughed once the door closed behind him. She walked into Dorcas’ arms. She took Dorcas’ face between her hands and peppered kisses to her mouth. “How are you?”

“Worried about basically all of our friends,” Dorcas laughed. “And that one, I guess, too.”

“Tell me about it,” Marlene sighed, laying down on the bed and eating a slice of mango. Dorcas mirrored her position. “No, seriously, if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears. I mean, I’ve got Luke who, one, needs to get out of his house, and two, needs someone to love, like, God, I wish he had a boyfriend. I just want him to get off this island, go to college, and meet the sweetest human in the world, you know?” Marlene sighed again, eyes far away. “He doesn’t act like he deserves that, but…it’s really his family he didn’t deserve. He’s all torn up about his dad, but his dad’s…a schemer. You know? And his mom, don’t even get me started.”

“Maybe he can still meet someone here,” Dorcas replied, and reached out to brush Marlene’s hair away from her face with a smile. “You never know. We didn’t. How long did we spend on this island without knowing each other existed?”

Marlene’s smile faltered in a way that Dorcas was beginning to recognize. It worried her.

“What?” Dorcas asked softly.

Marlene tilted her head. “Hm?”

“You keep doing that,” Dorcas said, tracing a thumb over one corner of Marlene’s mouth. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Marlene said. “I was just thinking about Luke. I mean, my parents sucks but at least they’re…”

Dorcas raised an eyebrow. “Not in jail?”

“Yeah, I don’t know where I was going with that,” Marlene laughed. She scooted closer, letting Dorcas hitch her thigh over her hip, Dorcas’ thumb rubbing idly over her soft skin. “Now what are you worrying about, lover?”

“Sirius,” Dorcas began. “I don’t know he just…he’s never seemed…happy? Saint. He’s trying so hard to be happy that I know he’s not. And now there’s Logan which I think stirred up a lot of Saint Clair stuff for him. I mean, Jesus, how do we not know what’s up with that place?”

“Gods are good at not paying attention,” Marlene said solemnly.

“Saint never takes that damn cross off,” Dorcas said. “I mean, wouldn’t you want to let it go?”

“Sorry, who’s Logan? He got out? As in escaped? Like Saint did?”

Dorcas nodded. “I haven’t talked to Saint about it yet. Me and Sirius are gonna tag-team later, make him let it out.”

Marlene looked suspicious. “Good luck.”

“We have our ways,” Dorcas laughed. “And Logan…He deals. I know him a little. Not really.”

Marlene nodded, going quiet at the mention of Crucio as she always did.

“I like what it gives me,” Dorcas said gently. “Freedom, Marls. More than any other job here could. At least any job that I could get. And its from Kasey, who makes it safely. Unlike the Carrows. So—”

“You don’t have to explain,” Marlene said, and pushed herself closer. “I know. Really, I know. I’m proud of you. I just wish there wasn’t as much risk.”

“Like the police do anything about it,” Dorcas sighed, running a hand through Marlene’s hair. “They probably like the revenue it brings for the island.”

“Yeah,” Marlene sighed.

“Well,” Dorcas said. “We probably have at least twenty minutes before Deveaux returns with the pizza…”

Marlene smiled and pushed Dorcas’ hat off, leaning over her on the bed. “Oh? Twenty minutes you say?”

Saint parked the Jeep between two trees in an overgrow section of a Salazar road. He knew where The Carrows lived. It was difficult to miss their house. Saint could practically smell the gold and diamonds. He felt like he smell the Crucio, too, the rubber bands and the plastic bags, and the sickly sweet powder.

There was no one outside. The whole grandiosity looked strangely deserted.

Saint reached into the rear again for the latest book he had borrowed from James. Frankenstein. Not one he hadn’t read before, but a good one none the less.

“Don’t know why you want that one,” James had said when he handed it over. They had both been hot from working in the sun—Saint on the lawn, James on his backhand. “I had to write a book report on that in, like, what, ninth grade? Oof.”

“Beluis amicitiam,” Saint had replied.

“How the fuck do you know Latin?” James had said. “You aren’t even at our school.”

“You gave me a book on Latin.”

James nodded. “Right.”

“Well?” Saint had asked. “You’re at school. What’d I say?”

James squinted one eye shut. “Beast…friends?”

Saint had laughed. “Literally, sure.”

Saint opened the book now, rolling the window down in the stuffy car. The AC was broken.

“Monsters like company,” he said aloud into the small space and settled down to wait.

Lily didn’t expect to find herself painting an old boat with James Potter on a Saturday afternoon, but painting she was. She dipped the fat brush into the blue paint, trying to wipe her hair out of her face without getting blue in it.

“Still doing okay over there, Lils?”

Lily looked up to see James’ head pop out over the upside-down bow.

“All good,” Lily nodded. “You?”

James smiled. “Yeah. Thanks for helping me out.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lily said. “Just working on my tan.”

James’ head appeared again, only this time his expression was incredulous. “We both know we both burn.”

Lily laughed. “I guess so.”

The Potter’s had their own, small beach in front of their property, and Lily dug her feet down into the sand, looking at the inviting ocean.

She felt all too awkward after their talk a few nights ago. She had been brash, and almost cruel at some points. James was—good. But she didn’t want to end up like her mother. She didn’t want to stay for someone, like her mother had for her father, and regret it, like she could tell her mother did sometimes.

And if she had wanted someone to come out into the world with her, she couldn’t have picked a worse candidate. James was a Potter, and the Potters were Hogwarts Island’s beating heart. Their money was in every part of this island. Every grain of sand, every brick. Hogwarts Academy, whose headmaster was James’ father.

If Lily loved James, she’d never escape.

And the problem was, she did love James.

“So, I was thinking about doing a movie night or something,” James said from the other side of the boat. “Put a sheet up and a projector. We could lay it all out on the lawn, or by the pool. Get some candy and popcorn and shit, invite everyone.”

Lily cleared her throat. “Yeah, that sounds cool.”

James was at the front now, painting the boat’s nose. “Any suggestions or requests?”

Lily smiled. “Is it too cheesy to do Pirates of The Caribbean?”

James laughed. “Hell no. There’s no better place!”

Lily shrugged. “Then definitely that. Oh, Will Turner.”

James snorted. “Yeah, can’t say no to that.”

Lily smiled at him, and shifted closer to the other side of the bow.

“So, how’s your common-app going?” James asked. “These essays are sort of killing me. I mean, you’re staring out a window. What do you see? What the fuck kind of prompt is that? That’s what’s going to get me into college?”

Lily laughed. “Not to mention asking me why I want to go somewhere. They’re basically forcing me to make something dramatic up.”

“Right. If I’m being, you know, honest, I feel simple, and if I’m embellishing, I feel fake.”

Lily looked up at him. “Exactly. No, that’s—exactly.”

They smiled at each other, paintbrushes poised.

“I don’t know,” James sighed finally. “I’m—I’m sort of worried, Lils.”

“What about Lacrosse?” Lily asked.

James nodded. “That’s what my dad says. And, yeah, I love it, but…sometimes I wonder if it’s more that I love who I’m playing with. Luke, Remus, Thomas.”

Lily nodded, eyes flitting over his face which had gone serious and tense. “Right. No, that makes sense. But J, you’re so smart. And kind.”

James’ smile was small, but his eyes, when he looked at her, were fond. “Not as smart as you. And I can’t get a degree in kindness.”

Lily hummed, thinking. College was a sensitive topic for everyone it seemed. What was supposed to be one of the best parts of their lives was all uncertainty and vagueness. She thought of Marlene, and how she hadn’t told Dorcas about her early-decision acceptance yet. This seemed to be all goodbyes and leave-behinds.

“Sorry,” James cleared his throat. “That was a downer thing to say.”

Lily shook her head. “I’m starting to think college is just a downer thing.”

James smiled, and, even though it was something that had only been gone for a moment, Lily found that she had missed it. James was so bright. “Yeah.”

Lily knew that she was going to say goodbye to James in a year. But for the first time, she wondered how she knew, and when she had decided.

“You’re going to be amazing, Lils,” James said softly. She could tell that they were both thinking of their conversation. He looked down at her with his hazel eyes. “Really, you are.”

Lily meant to say thank you.

Instead, she leaned forward and kissed him. James’ body tensed, and then relaxed. His mouth opened beneath hers and she cupped his cheek, her other palm splayed on his chest. He was warm from the sunlight. He made a soft sound and tilted his head to kiss her again, hand between her shoulders. Then, he pulled back, their foreheads together. There was paint on his chest from Lily’s paintbrush. Blue, right over his heart.

“Lils,” James gasped. He wrapped a gentle hand around her wrist. “Lils, mixed messages, mixed messages…”

He was out of breath. Lily had made him that way. Her own heart was beating out of her chest.

“You’re right,” Lily breathed, and stepped away, drawing a fallen strap of her tank top up her shoulder. “You’re right, God, sorry.”

“No, it’s,” James began. “I mean, that was nice. Really nice.”

Lily sent him a wavering smile over her shoulder. “Yeah. Sorry about—” the paint. Everything.

She watched James out of the corner of her eye as he passed his hand through his hair a few times. This time, he came to stand beside her as they worked quietly.

It only took Lily a few moments to not be able to stand it any more. The feeling of him so close, of wanting him the way she did. He was gentle. He kissed in a way that made her want to melt. He had made her laugh, that night that they spent together, in between those kisses and gentle touches.

“Why did you ask me to do this with you, James?” Lily said. “I mean—aren’t you mad at me?”

James didn’t respond for a moment, but finally turned.

“What, we can’t be friends?” he asked.

“I wasn’t very nice to you the other night,” Lily said, and then groaned. “And—I mean, I feel awful about it but…you understand, don’t you?"

“I’m not here to tie you down, Lily,” James said, eyes firm behind his glasses. “If that’s what you think friends do…I don’t know what to tell you.”

“You’re not my friend,” Lily burst out, and then covered her eyes. “I mean—you are. But you’re…”

“It’s fine, Lils,” James said. When Lily looked up, he was shaking his head and stooping to dip his brush again. “Really, let’s just…let’s paint and tan. I’ll get us some sunscreen.”

“James—”

“You kissed me and then you said we weren’t friends. Forgive me if I’d rather stay where we are than go farther or backwards into those two territories that you seem to not want.”

Lily blinked.

James glanced at her, then away. “I should probably be asking you to leave. But I don’t want to lose you. Not yet. Not now, not if you really think that’s so inevitable.”

Lily stared at him. He was looking resolutely at his work, jaw tight. He looked beautiful, even when he was sad and overwhelmed. Lily was so angry at herself.

She didn’t want to lose him, either.

She timed her paint strokes to his, and they worked beside each other quietly.

Saint didn’t find what he expected to find.

Instead of Logan coming up the path, Luke Deveaux passed right by his car and open window.

Luke looked down in passing, probably expecting to see an empty vehicle, and then did a double take when, instead, he found Saint sitting there, Frankenstein in one hand, balanced on the steering wheel, and the other elbow resting out the window.

“Hello, tweedle,” Saint said.

Luke stopped walking. He had a gray t-shirt on with a large, navy Nike swoop on it, and black running shorts. Earbuds dangled around his neck, tangled in the two fine gold chains that hung there and trailing all the way into his pocket, where Saint could see the weight of his phone. He was sweaty, as though he had run here from Godric.

“What?” Luke said.

“Bad move,” Saint replied. “Taking your hit from The Shining twins.”

Luke just stared at him. He pushed his sweaty hair out of his eyes. Saint smiled. He liked Deveaux when he was caught off guard. This had never happened before.

“Well—” Luke began. “You’re here, too.”

“Not like that.”

Luke narrowed his eyes. “You said you didn’t deal.”

“I don’t.”

“So,” Luke’s eyes flit around the Jeep’s exterior. “You just sit in junk cars and read—” Luke looked forward. “Shelley?”

Saint frowned in approval and squinted back towards the house. “You say that almost as if you’ve read it.”

“I have.”

“What, in your ninth grade book report?”

“No, with my—” Luke turned his head away, mouth clamping shut.

“I see,” Saint said after a moment. “A bit of a strange parental bonding choice, but all right.”

“Fuck off,” Luke said. “And what the fuck did you call me?”

That was when Saint spotted Logan. He sat up and unlocked the Jeep doors with a click.

“Get in,” Saint said.

Luke scoffed. “Fuck off.”

“That’s the second time you’ve said that in five seconds. Get in, tweedle, or I’ll tell your mother about your candy addiction.”

To Saint’s slight surprise—he was used to people being drawn to him—that seemed to work and Luke complied, but he walked slowly, distrustfully, around the bonnet before sliding into the passenger seat.

Logan was coming up a different path, one stemming from the back of the house to what looked like a side door.

“She wouldn’t care,” Luke said as he slammed the door.

“You in my passenger seat says differently,” Saint said, and glanced at Luke’s wrist. “Nice watch.”

It was gold and glittery. It looked like it had probably been his father’s, and by no means looked like it should be worn on a run.

“Your car smells like wet dog.”

“I don’t have a dog,” Saint replied, eyes on Logan. He had knocked and was waiting now.

“I was talking about Black.”

Saint glanced at him. “You’re funny, Galileo.”

Luke just shook his head, bringing his t-shirt up to wipe his forehead. “Stop calling me tweedle—you think I’m dumb?”

Saint laughed. “No.”

“All right,” Luke put a hand on the door. “I’m getting out.”

“No,” Saint said, and grabbed Luke’s arm, fingers wrapping around his wrist. “Stay here or you’ll blow this for both of us.”

Luke shook him off and Saint pushed his door open. He began his stride up towards the house without looking back. He wondered if Luke was a snoop. The thought made him smile.

Logan saw him when he was half-way to the door, and rolled his eyes, shoving his hands out in an effort to silently say go back.

“Hello, number ten,” Saint said, leaning beside the door. “Now, who are you waiting for?”

“Saint, don’t.”

“Look, I’m hoping it was me, and if so, your ride’s here.” Saint narrowed his eyes. “Let’s go.”

“What do you care if I’m here?”

Saint looked at Logan’s backpack, the one that was always filled with Crucio. Even at the sight of it he imagined that he could feel the sweet, sleepiness that occupied his nights at the orphanage.

The door opened.

“Oh, look,” Amycus said, resting a hand on the door. “Haven’t seen you in a while. What is it you’re calling yourself these days? Saint.”

“Hello, Amy,” Saint smiled. “Nice to see you, we’re going now.”

“You can’t,” Amycus snarled. “He owes us.”

“I’m sure you haven’t lost that much,” Saint said back evenly.

“Oh yeah?” Amycus laughed. “Why don’t we take a look at green-eyes here’s subconscious. You want something bad enough, you like something enough, something feels good enough, then there comes a point where you don’t even know how far you’ve gone to get it. How much Felix have you taken, do you think, Tremblay?”

Logan just looked down.

“See?” Amycus cocked his head. “He doesn’t know. Which means I make make up whatever number I like.”

Saint nodded, thoughtful. “Interesting. What number is that?”

Amycus just grinned. “Your friend here will know when I tell him.”

“Bullshit,” Logan snapped, and Saint held up a hand.

“We’re going now, and you know what?” Saint leaned in. “You don’t know shit about what he wants.”

“Come back without your handler, Tremblay,” Amycus called after them.

Back at the car, Saint could see Luke reading Frankenstein through the windshield.

“Who’s that?”

“Who you got your two hundred bucks for,” Saint murmured.

“What about the two hundred more you just cost me?”

“You’re welcome,” Saint said, and motioned to Luke to get out.

“And what exactly was I supposed to get out of this?” Luke said, crossing his arms.

“A chit-chat with yours truly,” Saint replied. “Logan, get in the car.”

Logan glared, but took Luke’s place in the passenger seat.

Saint slid back into the driver’s side, took Logan’s backpack from him, and slung it into the back seat.

“Oh,” Saint leaned out his window. “And I’m sure you can go right up now.”

“I’m sure I can,” Luke tossed Saint the book. “Don’t forget Potter’s book. Did you steal it, or what?”

If only he knew, Saint thought.

“Bye, Luke,” Saint called as he turned out of the grove and down the street. He looked in his review mirror and smiled at the sight of Luke standing, framed in it. Then, he put his arm lazily on the steering wheel and let Luke’s golden watch flash in the sunlight on his wrist.

“You didn’t have to fucking—fetch me,” Logan grumbled.

“Yes, I fucking did.”

Logan turned towards him in his seat, and for a moment Saint thought he was going for his backpack, but Logan just looked at him.

“Look,” Logan said.

“I’m driving.”

Logan ignored him.

“There’s a treasure,” Logan said instead. “Leo told me about it. He thinks his dad knows where it is—The Cradle? Look, I—If we can get it—”

“Oh, good,” Saint sighed. “He sells Crucio and he’s a Voldemort tourist.”

Logan blinked. “You know about it?”

Saint scoffed. “Of course I know about it. Everyone knows about it, Logan.”

“Fine, but—if we can get it, then I can pay off—”

“I’m sorry, excuse me, excuse me,” Saint held up a hand, one on the wheel. The houses went from the tall mansions of Salazar to the workshop rows of Helga, to the low houses of The Hollow. “Did you or did you not just place all of your hopes of freedom on a long lost, legendary treasure.”

“Bash—Saint.”

“Answer the question.”

“It’s not my hope, it’s just an option.”

Saint just shook his head. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Come on,” Logan urged as Saint stopped the car in front of The Lion. “Isn’t there something you want? Something that much gold could get you?”

“Come to think of it, there isn’t that much I want, no.”

Logan paused, and then said, “Then, is there something you hate?”

When Saint didn’t reply for enough time, Logan took his backpack and got out of the car.

Sirius had dreamed about his little brother last night. Only, he had been on Wolfsbane, and Regulus had been on shore. There had been someone else in the boat, too, someone expertly pulling the ropes and taking Sirius farther out to sea. The wind had been warm.

Sirius had woken up thinking about Remus Lupin.

His entire day was thrown off.

Sirius looked over at Saint. “Are we going to talk about it?”

Saint had his head in Dorcas’ lap and his eyes closed. “Pardon?”

Dorcas and Sirius glanced at each other. “Logan.”

“We were at Saint Clair together. What else is there to say?”

“Maybe how he got out.”

“And why,” Dorcas added, running a hand through Saint’s hair. “It might help if you talked about that place more.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

Sirius groaned. “Saint. Come on, that kid looked freaked talking to you and then he bolted. What’s up?”

Saint sighed, his face opening up into a rare moment of softer eyes, and he sat up, nearly facing away from the both of them.

Sirius listened to the crickets outside. Before, he had just wanted to know about the orphanage. Now, he wanted Saint to not have to keep it all inside.

“When I arrived when I was five, Logan and Finn were already there,” Saint said finally. “And its not like its this horrible place. We have beds and food and we go to school together. We have friends. But we’re also locked away. The nuns are strict. The punishments are old-fashioned. A slap. A few days in solitude. The problem is…”

Sirius got up from his perch on the window and sat beside Saint on the ratty old couch they had dragged in. Saint didn’t look at him, but let him and Dorcas lay gentle hands on him, Dorcas’ on his back, Sirius’ one of his crossed ankles.

“I watched kids turn eighteen,” Saint said, voice steely. “And they’d be packing their bags and then—unpacking them.”

“They,” Dorcas began. “You mean they decided to stay?”

Saint just shook his head slowly. “I still haven't completely figured it out. I think—maybe Crucio has something to do with it. It’s the only thing I can think of that would make them stay. I keep having this—this memory of being so tired at night. And these dreams.”

“The plant Crucio is made out of has Melatonin in it,” Dorcas said, brow creased. “It influences the dreaming. The hallucinations.”

“So, what?” Sirius asked. “They stay for Crucio, you think?”

“They work some,” Saint said. “Around the island. But, yeah. They stay.”

“You think they’re bringing money back?” Dorcas asked gently. “To the orphanage?”

Saint shrugged. “I told you. I haven’t completely figured it out. But I’d rather figure it out from the outside. Even when I was seven, I knew something was wrong. But I was older when I arrived. Finn and Logan had been there since they were too young to recognize something like that. They didn’t know anything else.”

“And…you do?” Sirius asked faintly. Saint had never brought up remembering anything about his prior life, his family.

Saint laughed faintly and got up. “Who knows. That’s the thing about memories, right? We tend to make them worse, or make them better.” Sirius watched him go to the sink and turn it on and off. He opened the refrigerator and then closed it. Finally, he stilled.

“But I hate them,” Saint said, almost to himself. “I hate them for making anything feel real.”

Sirius opened his mouth to respond when Dorcas’ phone lit up with a loud ping.

She picked it up. “From Marlene. Apparently we’re invited to a movie night at Potter’s house.”

“Of course we are,” Sirius sighed, and got up and wrapped his arms around Saint from behind. “What do you feel like?”

Saint looked at him over his shoulder. “Well, how could I ever pass that up?”

When Logan didn’t find Leo at The Lion, he went to the Knut’s workshop instead. He’d been in there a handful of times now. It was a crowded room, walls-to-ceiling tools and cupboards that organized different found objects. Sea-glass and shards of blue china. There was large glass jars of things like compasses or pieces of weather vanes hanging by woven rope plant holders from the ceiling. There was a forge that was cool now, and there was a long work bench.

He found Leo on the work bench with the garage door open to the street, shirtless and welding something together.

“Oh,” Logan said instead of announcing himself.

Leo looked up, then back down, sparks flying around him. “Hey, what’s up?”

Logan walked a few steps inside and set his backpack—which was still empty—down.

“I want to help you,” he said.

The sparks stopped and Leo pushed his welding mask up. He was sweaty, his cheeks flushed from the heat. “What? With this?”

Logan rolled his eyes and walked in to straddle the other end of the work bench. “The treasure. We need to find the treasure. Think how rich we’d be.”

Leo stared at him for a long moment, then took his mask off and set his equipment down. For a moment, his face looked thunderous. Logan thought he was about to tell him to get out, but the storm dissipated.

“This isn’t a joke to me,” Leo said evenly after another pause. “And it’s not some greedy game, either. That’s not why my dad looked for things like this. He loved history.”

Logan blinked. “You—you don’t want the money?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. What do you think the finder gets?”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying don’t make me regret telling you. I’m saying my dad was never one to just pawn things off. He wanted things like that on display, for people to learn from.”

“How very, very noble and grand,” came another voice, and they both looked up to see Saint standing there. He had changed since the last time Logan had seen him. He was wearing a t-shirt that said New Orleans Saints.

“Saint?” Leo said.

“Hi there,” Saint gave a little salute. “I have a movie night to go to, apparently, a nice little godly sleepover, but I thought I’d stop by.”

“What are you doing…” Logan began warily.

“Well, come to think of it, there is something I hate.”

Leo tilted his head. “What is he talking about?”

“Not to mention,” Saint continued, and touched the bottom of the hanging compasses. He studied one, then looked at them and grinned.

“I do like gold,” Saint said.

169 notes · View notes

lululawrence · 3 years

Text

Wordplay 5.0 Reflections

I dunno what else to call it lmao it doesn't sound right to call this a meme, but whatever it is, here we are! lol @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed came up with these questions after @wordplayfics wrapped up last year and I love them so i'm gonna use them for this year as well.

I'm going to start out with listing the prompts and linking the fics i wrote for each one for everyone's reference, though I'll be linking them again through the answers as well. I'm also putting all the questions and answers beneath a read more because, as usual, I rambled lmao Alright! Here we go!

Struggle: I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right Reduce: I Love This Feeling (But I Hate This Part) Divide: He Carries The Key Rise: Thou, Sun, Art Half As Happy Sketch: I Heard You Talking

How did you come up with your ideas for the fics? Can you take us through your process after first receiving the prompt?

I don't know that I have a set way I come up with my fic ideas for Wordplay. It all depends on the prompt and what fic ideas I've got on my "to write list" that might fit that prompt. If nothing on my to write list fits or can be tweaked for a prompt, then I just go through my prompts tag until something strikes me for it, or I just ruminate on the different ways the word can be used and see if something comes up.

So, when I did the random word generator for the first prompt and "struggle" was the word that came up, I immediately thought of "struggle bus". lolllll and when I went looking through my to write list, I saw the girl Payneshaw fic I wanted to write and I was like omgggggg Nick ABSOLUTELY is riding the struggle bus the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME and I knew that was my fic for the week. lmaoooo and there you have it.

What is your favorite fic you wrote for Wordplay this year?

oooohhhh this one is HARD AND MEAN lmaoooo i forgot this was a question asked. okay legitimately i cannot choose a favorite because i'm actually stupidly proud and happy with all of the fics i wrote this year.

If you’ve participated in previous years of Wordplay, what has been your favorite prompt from all years you participated in?

WELP. as the creator of this challenge, i've participated in all 5 years which means there've been 25 prompts i've written. lolllll and honestly i think my favorite prompt is STILL from the first year. it was "bloodsucker". like, how great of a prompt is that???

What was the shortest fic you wrote this year? The longest?

the shortest one this year was... I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right at 4381 words.

the longest one was... I Heard You Talking at 10580 words.

What fic of yours surprised you?

i think all of them surprised me in some way. that's part of the joy of writing fics, isn't it? lollll but i think the one that surprised me the most was Thou, Sun, Art Half As Happy. it was a last minute change (i'll elaborate in the answer to the next question haha) and it was a VERY different direction than i had planned. it was all based off of a photo i saw on tumblr, and there was no prompt with the photo. i got to just take in the basic idea of the sticker being placed on a bridge overlooking the city and what might make that spot a good kissing spot.

now, as an ace who doesn't actually ENJOY kissing, i... didn't think about the fact that i would be writing a lot of it. lollll i actually have a super hard time writing kisses and trying to make them varied while also relaying the emotional intimacy of the moment, and then add on top of that the fact that once i started writing the fic, both harry and louis let me know pretty much as soon as words started getting written that they were both genderqueer and that worked differently for each of them, so harry would use they/them pronouns and louis would use he/him still, it just made things more interesting. and the way the fic developed??? like, i had a very vague idea of what would happen in the fic. so the way it actually came about all surprised me.

long answer short, from the very start, this fic surprised me and i was just along for the ride. it was a BLAST and i sure do love it, even if it does have the second lowest hits of all the fics i wrote this year haha

Were there any prompts you struggled to find an idea for?

STRUGGLED HAHAHA sorry. just funny since struggle was a prompt this year. ANYWAY. the prompt i had the hardest time with was defo rise. i've had this fic idea ever since greg james tweeted with shawn mendes months ago about how shawn basically forgot his interview with greg on the breakfast show, so greg had to last minute wing a LOT OF AIR TIME AND SHOW CONTENT and he did a great job, but it brought about some funny content... anyway. that made me wanna write a triad a/b/o fic where greg is louis and harry's beta. rise was going to be used in a lot of different ways through the fic, as well. because breakfast show requires greg to rise from bed early, he gets a rise out of harry and louis with his behavior and overt flirtations with shawn, they have to rise above their jealousy, etc etc etc. i was VERY EXCITED.

except i only had three days i was able to write every week this summer, and those were really really difficult to get. if i wanted to write on tuesday or thursday, i was often curling up with my laptop in a dark room with some caffeine and candles burning to soothe me after the insanity that is my life atm, and write for as long as i could before my brain stopped functioning, which was often only around 30 min. but see, that particularly week was the worst part of my son's 18 month sleep regression, which meant instead of him sleeping and letting me write, i was driving him around or trying to rock him back to sleep or letting him play in an attempt to tire him out etc etc etc and by friday morning i had to admit to myself there was no way i could write that a/b/o fic in my one guaranteed evening to write every week (saturday, btw). so i was suddenly left with around 36 hours to find a new fic idea and develop it enough to be able to write it in one evening.

as i said in the answer to the first question, i usually go to my prompts tag to see what might inspire me with this prompt word in mind, but for this one that wasn't the first place i went. i tried looking at more definitions even though i'd done that earlier and nothing was inspiring me. so i then spoke to several friends and was still having a hard time finding any ideas that felt like something i would enjoy writing and could do so quickly.

by saturday morning, knowing i had less than 12 hours to figure out what i was writing so i could actually WRITE IT in only like 2-3 hours of writing time, i finally sat down and scrolled through my prompts tag. once i did, i saw the photo for the "good kissing spot", and i immediately thought of sunrise. so i ran with it. but i wanted to make it stylinshaw, so how would i work that in, etc etc etc. it was just very fast and very difficult trying to figure out how i would structure it so it could be a fun meet cute kind of fic, but also work into them actually building a meaningful connection etc and... well. it was a lot. haha so yeah, it was just a hard time overall that week, but i'm super proud of it in the end.

Were there any prompts you had an idea for but ended up writing something different? If so, what made you choose to change what you wrote? Do you think you’ll ever write your original idea at a later date?

HA okay well i already answered most of this above, but for the last part of this question, yes i will absolutely write my original idea at a later date. the whole reason i decided not to do it wasn't because i couldn't turn it into a fic that could be written in that one writing session, but because i had hopes for what that fic would be, and i didn't want to shorten and condense it enough to do that. i didn't want to have to lessen the dreams i have for that fic in my head, so i decided i would just put it back on my to write list and save it for later. who knows when, but that fic will absolutely get written.

What do you think was the most difficult as well as the easiest part about the Wordplay Challenge?

most difficult was 100% finding the time to write. that was insanely hard for me all summer, but by the time wordplay was going, things at home had ramped up to being very overwhelming regarding the demands on me and my time, and what i had been doing to carve out some time for myself and writing wasn't working anymore, so i had to adjust even more with the understanding that i was working on a really strict timeline too. so yeah. just finding the time was absolutely the hardest part for me.

easiest part was the actual writing. these fics really flowed from me, outside of the pack fic, that one was actually pretty difficult to make sure i was getting the dynamics exactly the way i wanted to have them turn out, but even with that aspect, it still was like it flowed from me most of the time. these fics really just took over and i was along for the ride. it was a blast.

If you participate again next year, is there anything you’ll do differently? If so, what?

lmao well assuming people still want wordplay to happen again, i'll run it again and very likely will take part. so... with the difficulty i had in finding any time to do anything this summer, i was actually ridiculously stressed when it came to the writing part, but also the modding aspect of it. so i am not sure that i'll run it during the summer again next year. i might have it go during the early fall once school is back in session so i at least have only one child at home instead of three to battle lol so that's one thing i'll hopefully be doing differently.

as for the writing aspect, i don't think so actually. i've done 5 years of this, and i'm having fun with it. haha if i ever find a fic idea i think could work for it, i would consider doing a series for it next year, but it all depends on if there's something i'd like to write that could work for that kind of set up with this challenge.

if you made it this far, thank you for reading!!! xxx

#wordplay 5.0 #writing stuff #my fics #mine

12 notes · View notes

the-littlefangirl · 3 years

Text

TFATWS episode 1 rewatch commentary

The first scene was so beautiful. I loved that we didn't start directly with the fight sequence. It feels way closer to the quiet beginning of CATWS and I love it so much.

The title is also SO NEAT, music's on point too but hey it’s Henry Jackman the one thing I’m sure it’s going to be great overall is the score.

The choreography is AMAZING, really well shot. Sam shielding himself with only one wing was MA-JES-TIC.

“WHAT'S UP” EXACTLY SAM EXACTLY

I did feel so uncomfortable in regards to the military aspect of it. Not that I was expecting anything else, but both here and in Captain Marvel the military we're good guys < 3 propaganda is so blatant and ugh:/ At least there wasn’t a literal recruitment spot like with CM.

The yellow filter in the Tunisia scene BYE please stop with the yellow filters 2k21

"I've been working with the Air Force for six months now" So, did Sam even catch a break at all after Endgame? Or did he just throw himself to work like SOMEONE did after being iced for 70 years. Hmmm? Sam????

"Essentially, these people, they want a world that's unified without borders" OH NO! HOW AWFUL, how evil of these bad guys smh

Joaquin: SO about Steve

Sam: :)))))) nope

"Moon stuff" SAAAM

#1 cry with Sam's speech, full on chills.. Fuck. Me. His voice about to break before saying thank you bYE.

Shady politician: "It was the right decision" (FUCKKKKK YOUUU)

Rhodey: *press any key to doubt *

I need someone to analyze the different curation of the two exhibits pretty please

NOT THE PHOTO POST-AZZANO JFC. That photo is my weakness, Bucky sweetie (also I find hilarious that usually when there are articles about Stucky and/or #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend they aaaalways use that photo LMAO)

In case someone wants to read the transcription of the texts about Bucky: "In 1944, while on a mission to thwart a Hydra weapon transport in the Alps, Barnes was thrown from a train and believed to have been killed in action. It wasn't until 2014, over seventy years later, that it was revealed that Barnes was alive, having been found by Hydra operatives. Captain America himself (i can't read) the effort to bring Barnes in only to later aid in a escape from custody having been convinced of his innocence. Steve's loyalty to his old friend, coupled with his refusal to sign the Sokovia Accords, led to the dissolution of the Avengers and drove the Captain into hiding with other like-minded Avengers including Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, and Sam Wilson. The current whereabouts of Barnes remains unknown, habing been labeled a fugitive following his escape from custody."

"current wherabout unknown" but not the government, interesting. Also, pretty good summary of CACW from the public's perspective, although one of the things I always wanted to see explored was the public's reaction of the fallout of them going into hiding after Civil War (which I'm hoping we'll get to see a little bit of in Black Widow).

Interesting point about the 70 years without having Captain America. Clearly the sacrifice play wasn't enough this time to fuel the nationalism so they went with a squeaky clean John Walker instead.

Sam saying the shield belongs to Steve I'm going to cry now excuse me. Sam. Sam sweetie.

The No. 1 Captain America comic in the display ugH fuck yes

See this is how you do a cameo that has actual meaning. Thank god for Malcolm Spellman being a competent writer. That scene was so well written.

HAVE YOU PRAISED ANTHONY MACKIE'S PERFORMANCE TODAY?? Holy shit that last shot fucked me up.

I'm loving the use of the wide shots, especially in the flashback. The camera movements are in synch with The Soldier's state of mind and mission focus, so good.

EVERYONE STAND UP FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM aka The Winter Soldier theme composed by Henry Jackman.

Without a doubt the most brutal TWS fight scene there has been, People involved in Punisher and John Wick are involved in this and it SHOWS.

For the record, still stands that the only time we've seen him chocking someone with his right hand instead of the metal arm remains the Maria Stark assasination. I know it's probably because of blocking and the way the shot was composed but the implications are still bone chilling. God.

Uhhmmmm I'm very ambivalent about the "Hail Hydra". On one hand, it was 100% fanservice and the internet is probably going to go insane over it, and the dead way Sebastian Stan delivered the line. Good shit. Buuut what I love about CATWS is the way Bucky never, ever ever, mouths Hydra rethoric, and even when Pierce tries to gaslight him with it, it's just an empty effort. The Winter Soldier isn't doing anything because of ideological loyalty to Hydra, even if it's product of brainwashing, it's just sheer dehumanization. They don’t need him to say the words because he’s just An Asset. There are people who have put it more eloquently but yeah, I rather go with the fanon interpretation of that aspect.

The music growing louder with the shot of the keys. GOD.

I'm fine this is fine.

#2 cry with the therapy scene of fucking course.

The government monitoring Bucky is noooot going to end well lmao.

"We need to know that you're not gonna * slowmo stabbing motions *

Bucky: * nodding along slowly *

I laughed out loud.

"It's passive agressive" I love him.

The way this scene just sucker punched me in the face, made me weep and then had me cracking up. Amazing.

Therapist: You can't do anything illegal

Bucky: yup yup check checkity check. What IS considered illegal tho?

*aggresive tablet finger pressing *

"Then why isn't it rule number one?" Bucky your Steve is showing.

I love the close up shot. I'll keep saying it. It's so good.

"I'm James Bucky Barnes" yeah you are🥺

That smile is nightmare fuel LMFAO I love it.

Uhm the way I'm kinning Bucky it's not funny anymore damn

That whole “are you lashing out at me” rambling is really reminiscent of the bar scene in CATFA and how he lashed out at Steve after Peggy left. Uhm yeah fuck.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "Peace"

"That is UTTER BULLSHIT" "You're a terrible shrink"

yeah ugly crying to ugly laughing speedrun for me

"You're free" "To do what?" jesus. That entire scene. #3 and #4 and #5 cries for moi.

Ugh that Brooklyn shot. Someone needs to do a gifset compairing it to the one in CATFA asap.

"It's like Monique but it's got a "U" in there for uniqueness" "That's absurd" LMAO

"You can't keep fighting with your neighbors" uHM * redacted redacted i'm shifting into 1940s mode abort abort *

"Nobody passed 90" "So young. Such a shame" FGADHGA

🥺🥺 yes flex those flirting skills good for you

"It's a dance to this things. You can't… you gotta warm up and I haven't danced since 1943. Feels like." #6 cry I completely broke down into tears with that.

This Yori storyline is going to punch me in the face with a metal fist. Great!

The TWS theme when he looks at Yori fuuuuuck.

GREAT LET'S GO TO LOUISIANA THAT WAS GETTING HEAVY.

Those shots of Sam in the car. Immaculate. Showstoping. Yes.

Marvel, what if instead of promoting the military industrial complex you put a lot of publicity about cars?

"Uncle Sam!" LMAO subtle.

Everyone trying to have the wings lmao same.

I've only had Sarah for a day but etc. Brooklyn 99 meme

Good mirroring about Steve and Sam family's legacy. Good shit. Goooood shit.

Sam is trying so hard ouch my heart. I can't imagine how painful the scene with them reuniting must have been. He 100% still feels a lot of guilt about being gone for those 5 years (and even longer before that).

"Maybe it is time for us to move on" uuuuuuuuuuh

"To the rescue" "Always" 🥺🥺 i love them so much already

That shot outside the restaurant is so beautiful. Can't wait to see the night scenes in Madripoor tbh.

"I tried the whole online dating thing. It's pretty crazy". Uhm well that is something that Bucky Barnes has now said. In canon. Damn.

"It's a lot" "You sound like my dad" LMAO

Every Bucky fanfic trope speedrun with this scene

"Wow you really can drink" OH you have no idea

Just realized we don't even know her name, well.

"You have any siblings?" "I have a sister" THE WAY I SCREECHED. We're definitely getting Becca

Well that escalated quickly. The important thing is to try?

I can't deal with this BUCKY SWEETIE #8 cry right there fuck

The wardrobe department is KILLING IT, there's such a difference between the outfits of the shows vs how ugly and generic it usually is.

"ThEre is NO such thiNg as on time. You're either EARLY or LATE . picK One" lmao the way he delivered that line

At first I thought the flag smashers had thrown two cars out of a window LMAO

"I don't know how jurisdiction works here, but I'mma have to place you under arrest" uhm yikes. The way they changed Joaquín Torres backstory to just random army nice guy #1 is not sitting well with me, what can I say.

Sam's wings motions I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR

Fuuuuck this guy.

"Funny how thing's always thighten around us" "Look, I'm on your side. After all, he's a hero". This script is C R I S P as hell, great fucking job.

"I don't care, I'm not gonna quit" "What are you trying to prove? And who you trying to prove it to" SHIT HSIT SHIT!!! UGH amazing. Look it's not necessary to say the show's questions out loud but how they flow between the conversations is still very satisfactory without feeling in your face about it. Inner conflicts have been set up fucking perfectly everyone * claps *

Ugh here we fucking go. I knew this was how the episode was going to end but my stomach still dropped like a rollercoster. God.

The score is on point. Damn. Damn.

God, Sam.🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

The captain america franchise's visuals in the credits are always so amazing.

Also, does anybody know why Mackie isn't first in the billing? Uhm what's that about?

ANYWAY CONCLUSION THAT EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE HOLY SHIT. I love them so much. The balance between the personal conflicts and the political aspect (although the military aspect is still very much yikes) was on point and it was overall a joy to watch.

#tfatws #tfatws spoilers #i'm so happy rn #sorry for the ramblings i just wanted to have it all written down #sam wilson #bucky barnes #captain america #tfatws commentary

27 notes · View notes

beerecordings · 4 years

Note

DUDE YEES. can u imagine music box james having sleep paralysis or nightmares to the point of not sleeping for days at a time, panicking when he accidentally dozes off. henrik has to hide the coffee from him, they get uncaffeinated teas, they take away any coffee he sneaks for himself. TERRIFIED to even take naps, they almost have to bribe him with a little coffee at that point, but a brother MUST be with him when he sleeps, he agreed to that. jackie said he’d stay, jackie will hold him, it’s ok

AHHHH YES and maybe sometimes part of the problem is even that he didn’t sleep while he was a doll and now it feels like dying to him or he’s like forgotten how to do something that should be as easy as falling asle - wait -

when they take away his coffee he starts snapping rubber bands against his wrist to keep himself awake, but even that doesn’t work, and he starts thinking about more drastic measures, so now they can’t leave him alone while he’s awake or asleep, and he’s drowning in the feeling of being a burden, but he’s also pissed off he has to be treated like a little kid who can’t handle himself, but he can’t get any alone time because he knows he’ll hurt himself and he can’t last long without someone to hold him anyway, and shit his chin hit his chest again and Chase tried to rock him into sleep but no! he’s up, he’s awake, he’s not going back there, don’t make him, stop trying to give him that sleep aid, he’s fine, he’s fine, he’s - nOT FINE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO GO PLEASE COME BACK -

pretty soon they’re trying to match certain brothers with his moods and fears at the time, because he’s such a madly determined little bastard that it really does take him an insane three days or so to just collapse into sleep if they can’t convince him. So when he’s feeling really unsafe (Anti is coming back to get me, I’m going to be a prisoner again, everyone is staring at me and waiting for me to dance) they get Jackie to come and burrito him in layers and layers of blankets and tuck him into bed, guarding the door with his wood knuckles gripped in his hands, and sometimes JJ will agree that he needs sleep and be able to doze off, because at least Jackie will be here to protect him when the nightmares and the paralysis demons come. When he feels hideous and unwanted and very, very fragile, Chase comes in all warm and gentle to curl up with him in bed and rub his back until he falls asleep. He’s feeling like a nutcase and he’s sure he’s too terrified to sleep ever again and part of him just wants to go track down Anti and kill him? Henrik appears, scarred up by Anti same as JJ is, ferocious and loving same as JJ is, reassuring him that he’ll fall asleep soon enough and be there when he wakes up, spooning sleep aids into his mouth and sitting in the chair beside him, reading calmly and stroking JJ’s hair.

and Marvin’s their secret weapon for when JJ can’t pull himself out of the “I’m a doll, I can’t move, I can’t think, all I can do is stay awake because I’m terrified out of my fucking mind.” The others don’t know what he does, but it works, so they always know to call him in. It’s really hard for Marvin, though, because the truth is… he just acts like he thinks Anti would to get him to obey. He gives him sharp orders and carries him to bed and repositions his limbs like he really is a little doll, and it makes him feel disgusting inside, but when JJ’s like that it’s comforting to him and it’s the only way he can get to sleep, knowing he’s allowed to do so and that his body has been laid down and spread out by somebody else. Marvin runs his fingers down the old scars up and down Jamie’s chest and massages him to sleep, kissing at his face and hair, apologizing.

but sometimes he’s just this furious, anguished, out-of-control ball of anxiety, and there’s nothing they can do to get him to sleep until he absolutely passes out in somebody’s arms or Henrik sedates him. Chase stops drinking because JJ has begun to eye the bottles too hungrily, hoping for a dreamless sleep, and Jackie keeps the sleeping pills hidden in a secret lockbox in his room because they know Jameson will take too many if he gets the chance.

plus, when JJ is sleeping, the whole house is on SILENT MODE. they’re all signing to each other. phones are off. getting a dish out of the cupboard takes fifteen minutes. the cats are stuck in the laundry room or outside. MARVIN GO PUT SOCKS ON YOUR FOOTSTEPS ARE TOO LOUD -

they do their best by him. you bet your ass he’s seeing a sleep therapist. and a normal therapist. and maybe one more, just to be safe.

#distress tw #alcohol tw #overdose tw #music box jj

28 notes · View notes

dulharpa · 4 years

Text

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home - bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in 👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow??

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations!

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :((

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’ jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E I T

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol

thank you so much for everything hayley!

#i love you sm hayley!!!! thank you for EVERYTHING #AND THIS IS A FIC REC PLS CHECK HAYLEYS STUFF OUT

1 note · View note

ofcloudsandstars · 5 years

Text

Life Update:

I have been away for a BIT but a lot has happened since then. Aside from some crazy energy shifts (some early spooky spirit-level vibes coming from Pluto coming out of Retrograde on the 3rd) having wild vivid dreams and bizarre experiences, there's some that took the cake and also I needed some time to just be quiet and spend my little free time not chatting to anyone or being online.

Anyway a story I wanted to share is the on going saga with that rich man who spent his years saving and conserving a rain forest in Tanzania. We met on Autumn's Eve to discuss his project he was trying to raise money for. He is going through a lot right now cause it's his second Saturn return and this huge farm he owns in Tanzania that he made a shit ton of money from is falling apart due to climate change and corruption. It turns out this man has dabbled in/has interest in the occult (as all bored white rich people do) and was interested in my craft. He's an American born and raised in Louisiana that moved to NYC for a while to write for a magazine, had some wild experiences with a vodou church there and moved to England when he got married but now has been divorced for like 17 years and is still not over it. Anyway I felt comfortable opening up about my practice and that evening anyway I was going to go to a friend's house to do some autumn eve magic and had some stuff in my bag. So he asked for a tarot reading for insight in his future and we like hang out in Hyde park which is GORGEOUS in fall colors right now and I do a reading for him. This is the beginning of a very long story so if you are interested in reading another episode in my hot mess ass life, get a nice cup of tea and click the read more lol.

Essentially we can summarize his current life as his job is going through a tower card phase due to saturn return shaking up all that foundations are weak or no longer serving him. He's supposed to resurrect the rainforest conservation project and he already knows this answer deep down inside. I am like cool that's great we connected cause I have been making a lot of friends recently that are getting involved in forest conservation or are buying land to grow forests on with native trees so its cool we created this friendship. Nice. Now he wants a love reading which I just feel reluctant to do. I already had that feeling you know when someone wants a love reading when they really shouldn't be focusing on that? Its fine though cause Tarot is honest as hell and validates my feelings. He essentially wants someone to distract his current troubles and saturn return lessons to get whisked away in a romance and dump his issues on from the failure of the farm and his divorce of 17 years he's still not over.

He's still unsatisfied so to placate him I do a lenormand reading of what type of lover could suit him now in his troubling time. Lenormand just shows someone that is ambitious and working in the same field but also a side kick. Cool so you want a cheerleader to support you when you are down that’s nice don't we all. He then says the reading is vague and doesn't everyone want that? And I am like no not at all like for example, I currently don't want any relationship I want to work on myself but if I were to have an ideal relationship I'd love it to be with someone who is a home maker, someone who is emotionally available, who's love language is like smothering me physically with affection, definitely not someone who fucks off for two weeks to months at a time to the other side of the hemisphere, but anyway it’s all hypothetical so it doesn't matter. Anyway with his lack of satisfaction I am like, look sir, next week is the Libra new moon, it's a great time to ask to find a partner that will be a great match in this trying time.

I completely forget that I gave him this information. We smoke a blunt he was keeping in his nifty dressy blazer inner pocket and I go off to see my good Aries witch friend and have an INSANE NIGHT where we nearly BURNT down her fucking apartment in an episode of ✧ *:・ﾟFire Magic Gone Wrong *:・ﾟ✧.

I was trying to make some candles for autumn's eve with carved green apples and when I melted the wax we didn't realize how powerful her oven was. Plus my stupid lazy ass left the wick in there. So when we tried to open the oven cause we were smelling the intense smoke, a fucking PLUME of dark smoke would come out BURNING THE SHIT out of our eyes and choke the shit out of us. We tried to open the windows and vents, I tried to quickly pull it out and some wax splashed out and burned the shit out of my leg and arm and I have little burn mark scars now, but with the wick in there with that heat it IGNITED there was a burst of flames coming out, My friend was NOT HAVING IT like imagine an Aries hollerin and a Fire Ablazin and the fire alarm is louder than a fucking rave EDM beat like I was trying to think as clear as possible and see if she had a fire extinguisher she was like: BITCH DO I LOOK LIKE A RESTAURANT TO YOU and so I call the emergency line to get the fire department while she fucking, just, gets a massive fucking cauldron of water and dumps it in the oven and wax is oil so you know what happens when you throw water on flaming oil it fucking EXPLODES so she's like fucking James Bond slow motion running away from a ball of Fire and fortunately the fire is out cause it gets smothered by smoke and water

...so I am like: Oh thank you mr. police sir but the fire is gone no need to come, but as my friend is still HOLLERIN in full panic mode in the background and the police on the phone still hear her Panic and is like: Uh no we are still coming..

Its a bit comical and surreal at this point cause I try to calm my friend down with some water as I air out the apartment and she goes from Hollerin to q u i e t real quick when she hears all these LOUD ass sirens. She's like.. Alex.. What are we gonna tell the police when they arrive?? I am like damn bitch why you acting like we did something contraband like its just an oven fire we extinguished it. But she was having that Black Moment of Fear™ like we were two hot mess black witches gonna have the police up in her apartment due to some dumb ass witchcraft gone wrong like I was still trying to be calm but she was like whispering my name like Aleeexx those sirens, they are coming for us!! And I was like oh my god you are panicking they are probably just police cars for something else we are in London shit happens here all the time.

Anyway the loud sirens just STOP in front of the building and she's like: a l e x... All of a sudden we hear a Bing! And its the fire department outside. We see the windows in the hallway outdoors and this MASSIVE ASS FIRE TRUCK THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING'S WIDTH is just parked there y'all.. The neighbor across the hallway opens her door to see what the fuck is going on and she was not pleased. Since her windows face the street her whole living room looked like a rave disco with red and blue flashing lights she was like what the fuck were you dumbasses doing and my friend is like ohh my god..

So next thing we knew there were 5 Fully geared firemen in the apartment and like.. Miraculously with the power of all that is good in the world there is like no sign that there was ever anything that happened?! So the firemen of course were wanting some explanations. Of course they can smell a little bit of smoke but I am like: Oh yeah sorry it was a grease fire gone wrong it was the first time we used this oven but we managed to squash it, it was just overwhelming and we wanted you guys over just in case it escalated. So one fireman is like snooping around for some further answers like: haha cooking sausages usually kicks up a lot of grease, what were you cooking? And my friend who is guilty as hell is like: its just oil but so sorry wejustletitburnintheovensosorryitwasjust and I am like taking the conversation by the horns like: We were trying a recipe to bake the apples over there (yes the ones still hollowed out on the kitchen counter,) but it went wrong. Anyway the firemen noted that there was like no damage ("don't even mention it to your land lord! Haha!" one says) and they just install two fire alarms for free and leave. So me and my friend who are Shaken from this Drama especially when after the firemen left there was no trace of like anything even happening and this all escalated and deescalated in less than an hour so we just scrap any magic we had planned that night and watch The Craft instead. Autumn’s Eve completed..

Ok so I have a blissful and amazing Mabon then a few days pass and I am back at work with the shenanigans of the weekend out of my mind and I get a text from the old rich guy again. He wants me to come over for dinner on Sunday and chat some more about the forest conservation project. I am a bit annoyed as it's Libra new moon but maybe I could balance dinner with him and go home and do some spells (balance, see what I did there? lol.) So I say yes, it's Libra new moon afterall and maybe its nice to make a new friendship revolving around helping the planet.

He's texting me like: Do you like Oysters? And I am like.. that's so random why Oysters? And he goes on about how he's from Louisiana and he gets homesick so he likes eating them I am like ok I guess.. But he's also like: let me get some Gavi (white wine) and I am starting to get that feeling of unease but I am like: I got to work early the next day so I am not going to drink. He's like ok fine.

I mention it to some of my coworkers and they are teasing me about how this old man wants to 'play in my rainforest' and it makes me want to gag. Like I am hoping that its a case of me misjudging some man like surely this is a sensible old man that is lonely and just is happy to find a friend that cares about the earth and his project? Anyway Sunday night comes and I am on my way to his house. He lives in some gorgeous townhouse off a main street. The stairwell spirals up the 3 floors of the house with exotic trees growing in between the landings and reaching up through the center of the spiral stairs. There are pictures of artwork he's collected as well as some chameleon named after him in the rain forest in Tanzania as a thankyou to his conservation efforts. I get to the second landing before his kitchen and I hear to my DREAD some fucking jazz music. Oh hell no. I immediately am like: I need to use your toilet. So I go to his immensely large bathroom which also has little trees growing in there in between the large sink and deep teal painted clawed foot tub. I am texting my Aries witch friend cause she lives around the corner like: GURL GET ME THE FUCK!! OUT OF HERE!! and she's like: Oh no baby you's in danger, let me know if you need help. So I gather my strength like: Ok he can't be this delusional especially after the Talk and the Tarot on his lovelife and the fact that he's old enough to be my dad, so let me keep the convo friendly and hopefully this will be a big misunderstanding.

I mean by now you know my fool meter is immensely high, but anwyay I go into his kitchen and I ask him boldly what's the occasion for this dinner? So he skirts the question by saying how he designed his home after stuff in Louisiana that he misses blahblah and stuff from the rainforest I am like: Cool, whats the occasion for this dinner? And he's like: You know, celebrating friendship, you want wine? I don't want wine cause I told him I need to go home early I have to work, and he mentions the spare bedroom on the top floor. I tell him I'm uninterested in staying over even though yes it's conveniently 10 minutes walk from my job but I have house plants to take care of (yeah I use that house plants excuse I don't give a fuck! lol). Anyway he steers the conversation to the fresh oysters he just shucked. So we are eating oysters, I try not to put any energy on the nature of him eating his oysters and I direct the conversation to how he came about conserving the rainforest, his networking skills and how he raised money to buy that much land and plant millions of trees. I end up gleaning a lot of helpful and not so much helpful info (I mean, it just helps if you are a wealthy well connected white man lmao), and we even talk about other interesting stuff like I get him to talk about how the stock market works, his daily routine at the members club I work at, William Kamkwamba who built the windmill in Malawi from some inspo from library books (his ex brother in law made a film about it which he suggested I stay over to watch with him, which I declined cause of my house plants I needed to get back to at home), his divorce he can't stop talking about cause he's not truly over it. Anyway dinner is nice, we eat some very unseasoned gumbo he made that reminds him of his childhood and throughout the dinner I am doing shielding energy exercises and channeling the power of Saturn to re-affirm my boundaries and practice the glorious power of "No". So with Saturn's channeled influence I am ready to put an end to the night and I am like: thanks for everything I think I'll go now, but before I go should I help with the dishes? He says no cause: It's a one-man show. I ask him to Elaborate, and instead he offers me to get some chocolate so I am like.. ok...

Anyway he is standing at the other side of his kitchen so I get up to get some and he turns around to embrace me, and y'all... it's a LONG and UNCOMFORTABLE hug complete with 1. back rubbing, 2. neck sniffing, 3. aura invading, so I pull away to ask about what chocolate it is and it's dark chocolate oh god. Anyway this is actually the beginning of the climax of the tension of the night to my foolish self cause this man who is unwillingly ignoring my discomfort has the fucking audacity to ask the question: Do you like dancing? I literally answer him with the same boldness that he asked that question: I hate dancing and never danced in my life. lol. He wasn't taking No for an answer so he decided to be like: Let me show you music I like to dance to. So he puts on some old 70s-esque rock and starts dancing alone in his living room like: Dance with me! I am like No. He says something like: I love dancing it helps to open you up. We all just got to get over our embarrassment and let loose! I am like: Ok I gotta let loose in your toilet again be right back.

So I hide in his bathroom again texting my witch friend like: S.O.S. BITCH let me come over to your apartment and she's like: Oh sorry I am in a party in north London .............. 😭

So I go out to face the mess and he's now trying to get another song I could potentially relate to so he's like: Let me play this song my 13 year old picked out for me.. Great.. Next thing my Ears are hearing is: Mr. Brightside by the Killers and I am dying y'all.. I am over it.. He is taking my laughter as an invitation to get me to dance but now with the full power of Saturn I was like: No. I am going home, I don't feel well, I have been having some kidney issues ("Oh is that why you were always in the bathroom?"- "Yeah that's.. why.. definitely..") and I gotta get up early. So he looks sad. I am like it's ok, we can hang out in the day time, outside of your home next time and talk more about the rainforest conservation. He's like, ok but before you go we have to do this? I am like: Do what?

NEXT THING I KNOW TO MY HORROR I SEE HIM LEAN IN, TAKE MY SIDES AND TRY TO KISS ME AND I AM LIKE:

NO!!

I Push him away, and FLY down his 3 flights of stairs, spiraling down his house, and he's chasing me like fucking No-Face chasing Chihiro saying: I WASN'T GOING TO PUT MY TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH!! The fact that he said that I could feel my fucking bootyhole clench with dismay. I was mortified. I grabbed my shoes and was like.. see you around I guess (He is a regular at my job lol), and I fly down the street.

When I get home he texts me if I have a moment for a chat so I am like ok fine why not? He fucking VIDEO CALLS ME and on top of it is eating something fucking nasty and I have misophonia so I am fucking disgusted and I turn off my video (I mean its like modern millenial tech etiquette but video calls are pretty intimate or you have to prepare for them, just springing up a video chat is a bit violating?) and he's like: Oh should I turn off my video too? I don't answer.. so he does..

So he calls to essentially apologize. He admits that I at MANY TIMES have expressed that I was not interested in any relationship other than friendship and that he just wanted a friendly kiss on the mouth and it wasn't supposed to be sexual. Ok... He also says that he doesn't understand why we can't be intimate and be friends.. With my DEAD SILENCE he then fills it like: Ok yeah that's true there is a massive age gap and different comforts with intimacy.. He then admits he has a sexual attraction to me and it would be dishonest to say otherwise but we should still be friends.. I am like: I wouldn't mind being friends but I can't trust someone who doesn't respect my boundaries like I have boundaries. We end with him saying: I understand, you have your boundaries then.. Lol.

Anyway as a blessing I haven't seen him since..

It took me like a full several days later after seeing another witchy friend who asked me about my new moon libra rituals I realized I didn't get to HAVE ANY cause he fucking Eclipsed my night with his bullshittery, that it was actually my fault as I gave him an idea to use that evening to try to find a partner when I did his tarot reading on Autumn Eve but instead he was trying to use all kinds of tricks of seduction for me to be his unwilling cheerleader. Goes to show that a man can spend years of his life planting 16.7 million trees and still be trash lol.

-------

Other than those recent drama episodes not much has happened to me other than some resurfaced trauma and closure from years ago in college that ended a chapter in my life for me once Pluto came out of retrograde. Other mildly exciting news, I also worked my Alchemist friend's bar yesterday on Sunday for a Fungi Fest in Hoxton. (Look up her work she's Mama Xanadu she does cool shit.) She made non-alcoholic cocktails potions with spirits based with roots and herbs like damiana, maca, passion flower etc that makes you feel energized but also mellow (three spirit is one of the partners that work with her their stuff is kind of nice though you do feel like you're drinking some type of brew) and her brews were made from different mushroom infusions like one was a delicious turkeytail brew made with hibiscus and douglas fir and another was with kombucha and seabuckthorn juice and one with a mushroom named amethyst deceiver and hops. She also makes her own essences and made some mushroom essences (like flower essences but with the vibrational influence of mushrooms) to add in there. I met some interesting and Strange people like you do at any alternative spiritualish wholesome event. I met a beautiful boy who is sadly in a relationship that we vibed very hard to the unfortunate dismay of his disgruntled girlfriend and I met a couple from poland who looked like a lost boys vampire couple (one was dressed in a black iridescent latex trenchcoat with one long earring with playing cards attached to it with long hair and his girlfriend had like layers of black scarves and coat like some mori grunge style with a black bowl hat on) who were trying to convince me how MDMA is the same as medicinal mushrooms and that it's its own type of spiritual ritual now. (I was like, sure Jäan..). Now that I have had a moment to like rest and reflect, and accept that I can't save some of my house plants and my life's direction still seems so uncertain and Hot Mess I am like ready to focus on my craft again and interact with my blog lol.

Anyway if you read until the end wow, thanks so much. I hope you had a great new moon.

#personal story #get ready for another one y'all

8 notes · View notes

curly-q-reviews · 5 years

Photo

ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19

Black Panther, 2018 (dir. Ryan Coogler)

Nominated for: Best Original Score, Best Original Song, Best Motion Picture of the Year, Best Costume Design, Best Production Design, Best Sound Editing, Best Sound Mixing

ok y’all lets get this party started with a movie i didnt get to catch in theaters (i think i ended up renting it) but people were absolutely raving about it all of last year, and for good reason i gotta say! it was one of the better marvel films that came out last year (though in my humble opinion Infinity War takes the gold)

speaking of marvel lets talk about it for a spell! lets have a lil sit-down chit-chat shall we!! cause its kind of insane how much of an american media phenomenon marvel has become, they are arguably single-handedly responsible for reviving the superhero movie subgenre and now these types of movies bring hollywood more dineros than they probably know what to do with (besides make more superhero movies). what used to be a niche market where only your most hardcore of nerdy types dared to dwell has been embraced into the mainstream wholeheartedly, and now its hard to imagine the american film industry without them.

from a film critique standpoint, marvel movies seem to be a hit-or-miss as far as quality, however i cant really think of a particular marvel movie that i thought was a total piece of hot garbage (the first two Thor movies come close but they were more boring than anything else). however last year was a real success for the studio, they just kept pumping out quality movies left and right and once disney managed to get its grubby lil mouse paws on Spider-man it was a done deal baby. DC and other companies have tried again and again to recreate the success that Marvel has managed and so far they’ve failed to various degrees. Marvel’s just got that special something with their cinematic universe, some magical combo of great actors and creative directors and an ever-expanding budget that keeps them staying at the top every time.

so whats my stance on superhero movies??? well theyre not my usual cup of tea but i gotta say they’re real damn entertaining. i kinda view them like a high-speed ride at an amusement park, super fun and thrilling and exhilarating and just a real good time! but thats about as far as it goes for me, and im sure thats the same for a lot of people. to be honest its kinda refreshing to have movies that quality-wise are up to my standards that i dont have to think too hard about. so for me the movies i typically go for are like museums, whereas superhero movies (and action movies in general) are like a carnival. both entertaining and fun, but the latter is just all about letting loose and not wondering about the why’s and how’s. when i think about it, this kinda mindset is for sure a factor in how these movies got so popular, because with the shitshow that is our current government and the potential imminent death of our planet people are once again looking for movies as a form of escapism, rather than a way to get deep and philosophical and ask the tough questions and see something profound.

with that being said, despite some exceptions that have proven me wrong to my utter joy and delight (im looking at u Logan), i expect movies that are nominated for wiener awards to be more like museums than like carnivals y’know what i mean? u catchin my drift??? u takin what im dishin out???? the academy awards have a long history of prestige, of nominating the best of the best of any given year. quite a few movies that won oscars are now considered to be timeless classics. which is why superhero movies, at least the typical marvel types that are chocked to the brim with CGI and epic massive fight scenes and explosions, dont really strike me as anything that could eventually become a timeless classic. the amount of computer-generated effects alone will make these movies feel really dated as soon as like five years from now with how fast technology is progressing. i just dont see it happening.

and that brings us to the first wiener award nominee ill be talking about, Black Panther. this isnt director Ryan Coogler’s first time at the rodeo; his first feature film Fruitvale Station received critical acclaim in 2013, and the spiritual Rocky sequel Creed actually got nominated for some oscars a few years ago. so we’ve got a promising and talented director at the helm which is a great start! we’ve also got a stellar cast with the likes of michael b. jordan (who has been in all of Coogler’s films so far), lupita nyong’o, angela bassett, and forest whitaker in the bunch. it also has the astronomical financial backing of Supreme Overlord Disney so u know this is gonna be some high-quality shit.

so i’m gonna tell y’all why i think this movie got nominated for so many oscars, because in a way i do think this movie is deserving of noms from the academy. theres no denying that it is very groundbreaking for a movie of this scale and magnitude to have a black director and a nearly all-black cast. in fact, i think a lot of the crew members (including set and costume design) were black as well. thats fuckin huge my guy. and this movie was by no means a flop either; it ended up being one of the highest-grossing films of 2018 and stayed in theaters for a loooong-ass time. and not only were the people on this project mostly black, the movie itself is a story praising and showing off the beauty of african culture without exotifying or demeaning it in any way. like i can say 100% without a doubt that this movie deserves its best costume design nom cause holy shit the outfits in this movie are stunning, just the perfect blend of ancient/current tribal african aesthetics and a more futuristic sleek style that any fashion enthusiast can drool over.

i cant say much about best musical score or best sound mixing or anything like that cause it all seemed like typical marvel stuff to me and wasnt all that memorable. however i can say that the production design on this movie, while it didnt impress me as much as costuming, did still impress me. the one thing i gotta knock it on is all the fucken CGI, like whole entire towns and landscapes were digitally rendered. i wouldve been a lot more impressed and would agree more to the production design nom if they used more practical effects and real sets/locations.

so. best picture. this is where i feel the most conflicted. cause this is where i now have to look past all the pretty fancy visuals and music and look at the actual meat of this movie, its story and characters. usually best picture noms also get noms for things like best actress, best script, and best director, cause those are all really important elements of a good film. ur movie can look and sound as pretty as it wants but if the storys shit and the characters are shit and the actings shit then u dont have much going for u.

and by no means am i saying that Black Panther was shitty in these aspects, it was just well. passable. it was ok. but nothing to write home about

we got some good performances from newcomers letitia wright and chadwick boseman, lupita kills it as always, but then everyone else was like. okay. michael b. jordan didnt really do his best in this and idk if its the script’s fault or something but it was weird. and speaking of the script it was uuuuhhhhh well. not great. every time i think about that “what are those” reference i die a little inside. and the story overall wasnt really anything new when u break it down, just another “son of king struggles to take his place” narrative. and that aspect of the story couldve actually been more developed into something interesting, i found myself really intrigued with the political scenes. but there just wasnt enough of that cause they needed to make more room for the PEW PEW POW EXPLOSIONS

granted, movies with lots of shimmer but little substance have been nominated for best picture before (just look at James Cameron’s Avatar which is apparently getting a sequel now????????). and its not even that this movie is completely devoid of substance cause theres some interesting things going on plot-wise, and some stand-out characters too (shuri is the boss and no one can tell me otherwise). its just, u know, a good superhero movie. nothing really profound about the story itself except for the cultural, historical, and social context behind it.

so lemme get back to why i think this movie got a best picture nom. i think the academy wants to keep up their appearance of being #woke now by continuing to nominate more than one poc-heavy project each year, but they seem to be caring less and less about the actual overall quality of these movies. and theres even some movies on the noms list that i think actually have what it takes to be a strong oscars contender, like If Beale Street Could Talk and BlacKkKlansmen. but i think in Black Panther’s case, they were under a lot of pressure to give it top noms (or any noms at all) because of the intensely positive response this movie got, as well as the accusations of racism to people who didnt think it was as great as fans were saying.

also i have no doubt that Supreme Overlord Disney like threw piles and piles of money at the academy like they tend to do (cause i’d bet good money thats the only fucken way Incredibles 2 got nominated for anything)

well anyway ive gone on long enough about this, lemme know what y’all think. really the only nom im iffy about when it comes to this movie is Best Picture, but the others i think are well enough deserved, especially costume design. so i guess the one thing i struggle with is this: does a movie becoming a pop culture phenomenon and being groundbreaking in its cast and crew count as enough for it to be nominated for the top prize of the wiener awards, despite any fallbacks in script, direction, and acting? idk man im just hoping it doesnt get the award by default or something but then again maybe after watching all the other nominees it may turn out that the rest of them were worse than Black Panther i guess i’ll have to find out

stay tuned for my A Star Is Born review y’all stay fresh and funky eat ur vegetables stay in school u dont need drugs when ur high on life

#road to the oscar mayer weiner awards 2k19 #curly q reviews #black panther #oscars #academy awards #oscars 2019 #chadwick boseman #letitia wright #lupita nyong'o #forest whitaker #angela bassett #marvel #superhero movies #best picture #fruitvale station #creed #ryan coogler #thor #avengers infinity war

3 notes · View notes

themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy · 6 years

Note

can you do an imagine with young remus!! where youre (the reader) all shy and keep staring at him from across the common room and he keeps catching you and you both blush and when you get up to go study in the library he chases after you and nervously asks if u wanna go on a date with him and what happens next is up to you thank youxx

Euphoria - Remus Lupin x Reader

Word Count: 1053

A/N: Part two if anyone wants can be their first date. Also, Remus is so cute???

Summary: Reader finds themselves zoning out… on Remus Lupin’s face. Leads to some embarrassing moments and awkward blushing

You didn’t realize you were doing it until it was too late, his hazel eyes met yours and your stomach dropped. You knew he saw you staring. You just couldn’t help it, the boy was adorable. Thankfully, none of his friends noticed your guys’ blazing cheeks, and the way your eyes seemed to dart anywhere but at each other. Remus Lupin had caught you staring a total of three times that day, and he didn’t know why. He knew you couldn’t possibly like him, you were way out of his league. His friends always told him that there wasn’t anything wrong with him, that he wasn’t any different from anyone else, but he never believed them. He knew all he could do was hurt you, and he thought you could never love him back. It gave him a false sense of hope though, to see your scarlet cheeks, and think that that was because he met your eyes.

After three whole minutes, a hell of a long time to go without staring at the boy you loved, you chanced on little peek. Just one. You darted your eyes up to his, but instantly regretted it, as you could see all of his friends laughing behind him, watching you. Your cheeks burned again, and you hurriedly packed up your bag, wanting to escape the taunting that was sure to come. You dashed out of the common room, your pace only quickening when you heard footsteps behind you. You darted down a secret corridor, hoping you had lost your pursuer, and were relieved to hear dead silence behind you.

You didn’t, however, focus on the person approaching in front of you. He emerged from the shadows and you didn’t notice him until it was too late to run away. You were trapped in a corridor with Remus bloody Lupin. You blushed even more, which was quite a remarkable feat, considering that you were already as Scarlett as Remus’ gryffindor prefect badge.

“Please, just let me go to the library, I don’t want to be caught in one of your stupid pranks. I didn’t mean to stare.” You mumbled, head down and eyes anywhere but on him. If you had looked up, you would have seen the hurt flash through his eyes at the words, ‘I don’t want to be caught in one of your stupid pranks’. He knew following you was a bad idea, It would only hurt him. He should have ignored the shoves and reassurances from his friends, he should have let you go.

It was bad enough to watch your from afar and know that you’d never return his affections, but now, since he had you cornered, he was gonna have to hear it directly from you. He stepped aside, but was steered back in front of you by what looked like… well, nothing. James, you bastard, Remus thought, knowing full well that the antlers pushing him back to you were those of his deer friend (I really need to stop making jokes none of them are funny), underneath his invisibility cloak. You had tried to escape when he stepped aside, but had collided with his (rock hard, might I add), chest because of some invisible force that had nudged you into him. You caught a glimpse of what had pushed you, and were bewildered when all you saw was a fluffy black… was that a tail?

You must have been going insane. You realized that you were still pressed against Remus, and hastily made to remove yourself from his chest. He stopped you by grabbing your wrist, and you met his hazel eyes which were brimming with sincerity.

He knew before he did it that it wasn’t gonna end well, but this was his only chance to kiss you and, by god, he was going to do it. He pulled you closer by your wrist and leaned in so that his forehead was on yours. He could hear your breath hitch and hoped he wasn’t overstepping a boundary. He ever so gently brushed his lips against yours, and you hesitated for a second, again, not wanting a prank to happen. Your moment of hesitation ended when your eyes met again, seeing his fill with hurt when you didn’t engage. You kicked your doubts in the crotch and inched your face forwards to meet his. Your lips fit perfectly together, and his hand came up to softly rub your cheek. You wrapped an arm around his neck while he slung one of his own around your waist. The kiss slowly melted into soft pecks and after several of these, the two of you pulled apart, resting your foreheads together once again.

“I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable, I just didn’t want to miss my only chance to kiss you,” he breathed, looking down and unwrapping his hand from your waist. He looked up in shock when you caught his hand and placed it back where it was before.

“Well that sure as hell wasn’t your only chance, Lupin.” And with that, you smashed your lips to his once more. The two of you had to breathe, so after a while you broke apart, your faces twisting into shy smiles. He held you tighter and for a moment, you two just basked in the warmth that reciprocated affections provided. He pulled back just a smidge to look you in the eyes.

“Look, I loved that kiss more than I love chocolate at the moment,” you playfully gasped, everyone knew about this boy’s chocolate addiction. “Anyways,” he laughed, “I think I might die if I don’t get more kisses from you, so would you like to accompany me to Hogsmeade this weekend?” He blushed furiously, and you smiled, nodding as the past five minutes suck in. Your crush, the man who had caught you staring at him, had asked you out, and kissed you twice. Sirius and James smiled at each other from under the cloak. And backed out of the room, the two of you finally being alone together.

#young!remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x reader #sirius black x reader #young!sirius black x reader #james potter x reader #young!james potter x reader #the marauders #marauders x reader #marauders era #marauders era imagine #harry potter x reader #harry potter

250 notes · View notes

gayneral · 5 years

Note

All those flowers, my dude

First of all thank you for asking, this will be longAlso as this took me almsot two weeks already I took the liberty of leaving some queastions out so I wouldn’t take even longerSince this was answered over a longer time span some questions that are aimed at certain days may be slightly outdated (ed what are u wearing today and such)

Alisons: Sexuality?I’m gay my dudes

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?He/Him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?My Birthday is in June

Anemone: Favorite flower?This is gonna sound lame as fuck but I rly like roses, red ones in particular

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?I can’t choose but here are some favorites:

Peaky Blinders, I’ve watched this one so often,,, Cillian Murphy was what got me into it and I stayed for beautiful scenes and atmosphere and the gang drama

Gotham, Let’s be honest, the best thing abt dc are their villains (also suuuuper into Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Office, i like these because they are easy, nice and satisfy my need to have something running in the background while I’m at home. (Also insanely sweet in the case of BB9)

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?One I still remember strongly is from two boys kissing “you should all live to meet your future selves”

Also many of the poems by keaton st james deeply resonate with me so check those out (most are religious-ish just in case that’s a no no for you)

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?I gotta be boring and say water

I like hot chocolate and a special kind of peach tea and some soda I drank in brazil but water,, yeah I drink that most,, love hydration

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?I am, right now, at this very moment

Baneberries: Favorite song?I can’t give you an all time favorite so here’s a random favorite I currently like listening to: Sedated by Hozier

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.My family is not very big and actually hasn’t been a family for a very long time. Namely it’s my dad, my sister, my grandparents, my dads wife, her son, our dog and I. I have never experienced family in my youth so sometimes when I’m with them it’s all very odd. And sometimes it’s stressful. But it’s the first time I actually miss family when I’m alone at home, far away. I speak about my father and my grandparents further below but my sister is very sweet and I’m pretty protective of her, she and I get along a lot better now than before which is a common trait as ull see later.

We often take care of things, and are probably the most planning of the family. My dad’s wife is very good to talk to, having a very different perspective from my own and will always offer up advice. Her son is currently in pirperty and more interested in playing fortnite than anything which makes for some explosiveness at home. Our dog is cute and perfect that’s it.

Begonia: Favorite color?I like blue tones, but a dark, rusy kind of red is cool too

Bellflower: Favorite animal?Dogs Dogs Dogs. By far my favorite animal, they fill my heart with joy. Next up, Giraffes, funny big boys

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?Morning I think, I definitely work best early.

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?I actually never really had a dream job as a child. Not that I remember at least.

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?While I generally ain’t a big fan, like I’m someone very based on conversations so obviously that’s hard w kids. I am growing more to them. I’m far from wanting one but I think children are special in their.. Like innocence. They are beyond all the bitterness and hatred that we adults have. If only parents would be better lmao

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?I’m afraid of many things. Change for example. And failure. I think that might be because being perfect was important when I grew up and whatever I did it was never enough to my mother especially. Perhaps that has become so deep rooted that I tell myself I can not fail, which makes me very nervous and makes me worry too much.

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.I spend lots of time on building sites and in hardware stores because my grandparents have houses and my parents often would work there too.

Buttercup: Relationship Status?Single

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?God I don’t know, I think it’s probably when I’m with someone I care about and it’s easy and light and fun and I feel comfortable and they tell me that they like being around me, or that I made them happy with something.

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?Nope,wanted to have some but money and shit

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings? I have my ears pierced, but it’s the earlobes so the most basic thing

California Poppy: Height? I insist on 1,70 at least, I will not accept being under that.

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?In a way, yeah

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?My new boots, black pants, winter coat, black jacket, a blue button up and a lord of the rings shirt underneath. Obviously underwear

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?When I was a child for sure

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?A person from school, who’s also in fashion design, but a few years above me that I got to know bc of cosplay.

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?My Ex

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?God idk, I like oldish looking ones, elegant ‘n stuff

Columbine: Are you tired?Nah, actually not rn

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?Sam visiting me in March

Coneflower: Dream job?I’m not sure, definitely something w sewing but idk if I wanna go theater or my own things

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?Introvert

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?Yeh

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?Very very far

I’d say I’m pretty damn loyal and also give myself up easily even without noticing. If someone has my love and my loyalty they have my everything basically. Would I commit a terrible crime? I don’t know. Would I be real mean to someone or punch them? Yeah, if it’s reasonable w the situation I would (would it be affective? Not sure)

Give myself up? If we’re thinking real dramatic..maybe yeah

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?Gemini

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?Funny or stupid things? MaybeOtherwise honourable stuff, i don’t think so, i don’t view my actions like that.

I mean I survived, that’s pretty cool

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?Above mentioned survival. Which includes making it out of my mother and her boyfriends abusive grip and household. Moving away. Being true to myself. Dragging myself out of the hole I had fallen in for a while. Getting close w my dad and family. Believing more in myself and stopping things that are not good for me. Getting an apprenticeship that I like. Moving forward in life

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?If it’d be my dad I’d sit down with him and ask him why exactly. I have had a relationship before in which I did not see how badly I was treated/ that I basically searched someone like my mother. So I’d listen, perhaps to prevent from making the same mistake again. If it turns out it’s nothing reasonable I think I’d tell him that I will pursue the relationship anyway and ask him to respect that and be as nice as possible to my partner.

If it’d be my mother.. No surprise she doesn’t even like me and honestly I wouldn’t give a shit.

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?Did I say it? Not sure but written it in a letter, it was Sam

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?If my grades speak for themselves it’d be my apprenticeship, or like idk working hard about something I enjoy. I take this very seriously and give it everything I can. I’ve been told I’m good at talking, not sure if that’s true

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?I’m envious. It’s not that far that I am not happy for people, I think i generally have it under control but sometimes it gets the best of me and fills my stomach with nasty emotions.

Also saying stop. I do a lot for people, and I’ve been prone to letting people use and step on me for too long xnot standing up for myself

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?The past month was actually absolutely terrible so not much to find here.Uhm..the bad thing that happened got our family closerI spend Christmas and new years w my familyI got amazing gifts and letters from my friends

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?Stressful. I worked on my semester project and I feel like hardly anything worked

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?I’m moving towards a happy place. But I’m definitely doing a lot better already

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?Finish my apprenticeship, surgery, be able to make my own money so I don’t have to rely on my dad so much (he does enough for me already) and so I can get more distance between my mother and I

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?In no particular order

1. Dogs, god whenever I see a dog I’m happy because they are so cute and loyal,,,,,,,

2. probably everyone and their dog says this but my friends, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. They helped me through terrible times in my life, are a constant source of love and joy to me.

3. my family. Since I didn’t have that for a long time I cherish it even more now that I do. It’s amazing to have a family that supports you behind you. I’m super grateful for everything they’ve done for me

4. the possibility to do the apprenticeship that I want to. it’s not always easy,,,I lack the money lmao but I’m so grateful that I can do this, because it makes me feel like I’m actually worth something in the working,adult world. I’m good at this

5. music. I listen to it so often, I can’t imagine not having music

6. sunshine, there’s something wonderful about going outside and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, when it’s spring and winter has just gone by and you just have to smile because everything is bright and you’re surrounded by light

7. myself. Listen I dislike myself as much as the next guy but I’m working on appreciating myself and I am insanely proud of myself for coming as far as I have come. I don’t let myself feel it very often but having myself, it’s a good thing. I know my younger self would be very happy knowing that I did all those things for us.

8. something that makes me happy is creating, might it be art, or sewing or writing, anything really. It’s a pain in the ass and frustrating at times but I love looking at something knowing I did this, finishing it. And then looking back at it later and seeing how far I’ve come again

9. playing video games. It’s just fun to lose yourself in a story sometimes.

10. Christmas Markets. I don’t like Christmas itself. But I love the Markets, it’s the atmosphere of it. The food smells amazing and there are all those lights and there are kids with actual shining eyes because they see Christmas so magical and they are in awe by all the lights and honestly I feel the same awe sometimes when I’m on those Markets

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? Hardly anything lmao. Listening to music. Distracting myself with either talking to someone or playing/watching something. Tho that often makes me feel guilty on the long run. What helps if stress is overwhelming me is writing down what it is that is stressing, like making a list and trying to untangle the mess, looking at what I have to do one by one

Hellebore: How do you show affection?Since I’m A big fan of honesty I usually just say it. I like to tell people when I get some emotion. Like just telling them that I appreciate them. I think it’s nice to just be told that sometimes. Besides that I do things, like I’ll send anon messages or offer help just assisting somehow. Like not always outright having them know it’s me,like affection from afar. And well I’m helpful when I care abt someone especially, like “I can do this for you”

And being super openIt’s not alway clever as experience has shown but to me offering up things about myself means trust means affection in a way. Like giving a part of myself to someone. lmao

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?Making it to this point, I wasn’t in a very good state just a bit ago. But with the help of my friends and family I made it out of it. I have an apprenticeship I enjoy, I have my own flat, I have something to stand up for again. I can appreciate myself some more. I was able to see toxic relationships i was in and get away from them and not let myself be guilted but seeing them for what they are and acknowledging that while I am not a saint it doesn’t mean that I have to accept any treatment. I stood up to my mother, even if just a bit that was a huge step for me.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?I barely had any of it recently so I can very much put what I want to do. Which would be drawing. I haven’t done that properly in so long and I miss it. Like both sketching stuff on paper but mostly full pictures, sketching, lining and colouring somethin. Having a full art piece at the end. Also Play Games. And talk to my friends. Haven’t had a nice hour long convo with Nina or Charlotte or Sam in ages and I hate that.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?That’d be Charlotte and Nina

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?I would hide away in my room and imagine. Invent stories, characters, anything to distract me from how unhappy I was. I would act them out in my head when I laid in bed so I could sleep.

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?I did not treat someone that I care about very well a few years ago, I didn’t give them the honesty they deserve. I was an asshole. Even if we spoke about it, I still feel very bad about it.

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?Indulging. When I have things to do but take a break I always feel super guilty for not doing anything.

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?It seems it comes from the Roman name Julianus, and was the name of a pangan Roman Emperor as well as a name of saints. Sometimes meaning youthful which fits because I look like a baby

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.I grew up in a big city in Germany. Very busy City with high buildings and no time. I lived in a flat when I was very young, a room with big windows where I’d sit and look out ot. Then we moved into the house my dad still lives in. Where houses were built in rows and more people knew each other, I’d walk home and pretend to not see them as to not have to speak to them.

Then I moved in a beautiful flat in a more busy part of the city, with a bookstore in the same building and a supermarket right down the street. My hometown is best described in the colour grey. I dont think it very pretty if I’m honest.Still its full of memories and not half as bad

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?Talking about the one in the house. Light peach coloured walls. Small but with big windows to look out of. An old wooden bed in front of one Window, and even older Closet next to the door, already so old that it had been ancient when my dad had been young. A desk in one corner at the other side of the room, above it shelves filled with books, little trinkets on the windowsills. Cabinets filled with paper full of secrets. Posters on the Walls and a round mirror that I hated looking into when I was young.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years? God no. I have repressed most of my younger years. My teenage years were filled with confusion and self doubt. I was a mess, I hated myself, not knowing who I was. And then knowing but being shamed for it, hiding away and keeping my head low to survive. Pushing myself to the limits and clinging to the thought that I could escape at age 18

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.My Mother and I are not on good terms. I’ve spend countless of years desperately attempting to please her, hoping for love or anything close to it. I was constantly let down by her. My mother is someone that I fear I’ll never understand, adapting to the men that she is with. Claiming to have reached compassion and selflessness while being the opposite. Acts childish and has never accepted or supported me. Now attempts to lure in my sister whom I fear for as she’s always wanted my mother to love her. I have estranged from her very much and currently I am happy seeing her as less as possible.

Onions: Tell about your dad. I remember my father as a very autocratic person in my youth. He’d always work and would only be home to cast judgement. We did not get along well, and my mother, like grima wormtongue, had influenced me further into seeing him as a terrible person. Now I see him very differently. In fact I am similar to my father. Hard working, well spoken and crafty. We share a similar humor and I am very thankful for his support over the last year. To me my father is a very good example of how sometimes people can actually change, sometimes second chances will not disappoint you. My father cares very much about our family and I am happy to have gotten close to him again.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.I won’t lose many words about my mother’s parents as there isn’t much to say about them.My mothers father was always sick, more often because he believed he was. The years before he died it had only gotten worse. My Grandmother was never really happy in that relationship, something I believe she handed down to my mother.

My fathers parentsWell, when I was young it was difficult, they aren’t exactly children people, despite trying. I especially had my difficulties with my grandmother, who was work above everything and wanted everything to be perfect.I remember her always fixing my clothing. Countless of instances of her and my dad arguing.

When I got older we had barely any contract until I had my coming out to my dad, who told my grandparents. Much to my surprise and I still respect that so much, they were immediately supportive and accepting, perhaps even more than anyone else from my family.

In the last year we grew closer. They helped me with my flat and would come over to set up a few things. I took them to a restaurant that my grandfather would always talk about whenever we talked, happily.

My grandmother and I had phone calls at least once a week, she was also the most interested in my apprenticeship, always curious, sending me old magazines and ideas she had. As well as button ups and shirts she had bought for me or old ones from my grandfather.She offered me support when we talked, told me they’d do anything they could

When my sister and I were getting clothing for my grandpa, as he was saying with us, I found a book on my grandmother’s bedside table.It was an educational oneIn it was also an article she had cut out of a newspaper, the title saying how the support of the family is the most important thing to lgbt children.

I miss my grandmother

Peony: What was your first job?I worked a summer at my mothers workplace. Cleaning watches and watch straps, replacing small things on the straps

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?We met 2014 on a cosplay convention in the city I grew up in. We met on the first day of that, where we all hung out in a group and then he and Charlotte spend the next day w us as well.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?I bottle it up, focus on something that keeps me busy. Sometimes other people’s pain or doing things for them. Distraction from thoughts really. I’m best when I’m busy

Pink: Where is home?If you’d asked me a couple of months ago my answer would’ve been easy and quick. But now phew, I mean I call my place home as in “I’m going home” and I call my dads place home as in “I was home over the holidays”

But I’m not sure, not really

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?I could go endlessly both about important historical events and tragedies as well as personal mishaps and bad choices. But eventually I actually think this is too big of a question to answer like this. I’m generally better in speech than word when it comes to things like that

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.Steady. As in a job that I like, that provides me with enough money to survive well. Not to worry about everything. Having Dogs, as that I something I always wanted. Living somewhere in the city (always dreamed of a Fachwerk House but yeah…), with the possibility to visit my friends that I am in good contact in. Living with love and happiness. With a connection to my family still as good as now. Perhaps with someone,,,

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?I love the sound of paper, like books, pages turning, things like that. Also soft rain

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?I’m a Class A represser. So it’d probably be many things centered abt my mother.

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want? I want my semester presentation to go well tomorrow. That’s all I care abt rn

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? It used to be harder in the past but I’ve gotten slightly better at it. I’m still struggling with feeling but it’s a work in progress.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?My Friends and Family, cheesy I know but over the last year I’ve become more set in that. Once more I noticed how much strength those can give you. And also noticed how important they are to me by the way things that happen hurt me

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?7 hours, couldn’t fall asleep at first but that’s usually my minimum of sleep

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?School. I have a timed, strict schedule thanks to that and it forces me to get up until a certain time in the morning. That helps a lot actually

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?I’m still in an apprenticeship but I enjoy it a lot

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?I have a new pair of shoes that are so beautiful I wish I had the look and body and style to wear them day to day. Also got some cool button ups

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.Look at this and you’ll see first hand https://www.pinterest.de/Gayneral/

I’m sorry I’m bad at desctibing my aesthetic. It’s like, historical stuff, museums, snowey Fachwerk, religious themed things, bee themed things, watches…

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?My semester project is due to two and a half weeks and I’m super nervous about finishing it like boooooy

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?Sadly I’ve been super busy recently so I’ve only been able to read a tiny bit in my holidays, Acht Nacht by Sebastian Fitzek

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?Still in school, doing good, and enjoying it

Still having a good relationship w my father, my sister and that whole family

Still good with my friends, hopefully seeing them more often

(maybe in a relationship pls don’t @ me)

Generally happy, not having to worry too much

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?Thanks to tumblr I do, and I hate it

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.I take my school very seriously. And I have zero tolerance for those in our school that don’t.

#you wanted to know #ninjago #answered ask #ask game #ask meme #pers: negative #redbluemaiden #long post

1 note · View note

illusmeta · 6 years

Text

s7 thoughts, in no particular order (spoilers yes)

1. Bex was right. This season hurt more than s6, if that’s even fucking possible...the last five episodes were just the most painful ride i have ever been on

2. HUNK DEVELOPMENT! IT’S A B O U T FUCKING TIME. I’m just. gaAAAAAAAH.

2a. ok but WHY MUST HIS FAMILY BE THE ONLY ONE THAT ISN’T SAFE. the scene where keith talked to him was really fuckin sweet but also....just...give hunk his family???

2b. that being said we now know hunk’s connection to yellow is comparable to keith’s with black. yup. s3′s hunk not wanting black paladin was foreSHADOWING BICTH and it makes sense bc hunk is literally the team’s stability now soooooo <3 he honestly is the biggest hero of the team, fucking carried the team, deserves the world

2c. and HUNK HOLDING THE TEAM TOGETHER IN EPISODE 6??? i fuckin SCREAMED he deSERVES THE WORLD and i would die for him he’s my fuckin role model

2d. self-care is making my inner voice HUNK and having him tell me to take care of myself...my crops are FUCKING WATERED

2e. and hunk care...is seeing shay again <3 my loves!!!

3. james griffin turned out to be less of an asshole than he could have been, give him a fucking medal lol but the subtlety of his learning to accept Voltron and specifically keith was pretty sick actually. apart from the heart-wrenching, this season had a great deal of subtlety in character development like that (before s8 or 9 when the stakes go way up of course) and i for one appreciated it

3a. his team...also awesome. especially the girls, i love them

4. ok but after that last episode when the whole thing just went silent...I legit thought the showrunners did it. fucking murdered everyone. keith said “it’s been an honor” and my tiny heart just broke. i keep telling myself that the showrunners can’t keep loading on impossible situations with everyone with their backs to the wall and still have it be believable but in that last scene...I believed it. I thought their luck had run out. and these guys...in a lot of ways, it feels like i’ve grown up with this show, from the end of freshman year to now. it felt like i was losing my real friends. and i thought that james’s crew had been brought on to replace them. kudos to the show for making something so incredible, but also...fuck. the adrenaline and tension has literally given me a massive headache and after i write all this down i’m gonna take a realllly long nap

5. I could write an essay on why Admiral Sanda was valid and then write another essay on why she wasn’t, but i could write a fucking thesis on why the showrunners got her arc just right

6. episode six...ohhhh my god. you know how s6 stuck a knife in my heart? well, that episode twisted it, pulled it out, and dragged my innards out with it.

6a. seriously, think of the psychological horror of that episode. it’s one thing to die in battle, feeling you have a clear purpose and strategy and knowing you died for something. it’s another to die slowly, and painfully, without any sign that your actions ever mattered or that they can ever matter again, without any sign of hope. it’s another to die uncertain and afraid, unsure of what world you’ll leave behind, unsure of the people you’ll leave behind. small wonder everyone wanted to believe they were home. it was the first thing that kept them from going completely insane. they had to believe in it.

6b. consider: the sheer mental force of will Hunk had to force the team forward and away. Think of just how in-tune with himself he has to be, how brave he has to be, to go against his own heart and his own team and push back and believe in himself. Honestly, Hunk is a miracle. he uses his caution to make him stronger. keith was right to admire him. he really was.

6c. small bone to pick: i guess keith’s leaving the team has finally been...dealt with? i don’t think it’s finished but i generally think emotional development needs more focus in voltron. That’s what headcanons and fics are for, i guess? after all, it is still a kids show, and i guess the showrunners want to make sure the pacing matches that...

7. sooooo. ships. we gotta talk about that. Wasn’t super happy with how axca was coded to be a love interest for keith. personally i’m still holding out for them finding out they’re related bc axca just seems like she’s coded to be waaaay older than keith but then again that might just be me. also: allurance maybe confirmed? I do hope that if the showrunners really want this to be endgame, they take some time next season to fully flesh out why allura’s not using lance as a rebound. like...come on. everyone knows he deserves better.

7a. on the bright side: zethrid and ezor. nice.

7b. double bright side: hunk and shay. NICe

7c. klance is gonna get all its mileage from episode 4 and the fact that red and black make cool wing boosters, calling it right now, the ship will never fucking sink lol tbh i don’t care that much anymore??? like, the whole show is just coming together so well and i’m happy with whatever??? as long as there’s no toxicity and everyone loves each other i’d be perfectly happy if keith and hunk became a thing

8. the paladins with their families is just. Nice.

8a. KEEF GOT A HUG MY BABY IS LOVED

8b. Hunk’s flashbacks...honestly, he’s even more of a mama’s boy than lance is and he’s just. perfect.

8c. lance and his sister lmao. veronica knows what’s up

8d. pidge <3 again with the subtlety of the emotion the showrunners pulled off this season...10/10. everything shows on her face and it’s wonderfully done and alSO COLLEEN HOLT IS SUCH A BADASS. just fucking SNAPPED and gave Sanda the what-for. she’s valid

8e. but question: where the FUCK IS SHIRO’S FAM I am INSULTED are you just gonna be like, “hey shiro can put his life on hold and pretend like he’s not hurting too? he came back and adam was dead. after all this time, thinking adam would outlive him. that’s harsh and i’m feeling it

9. can we go back to the atlas? ok. that shit was fuckin relentless

9a. so much screaming and sciency-mumbo-jumbo i feel like the showrunners were just throwing in random words with ‘o’s and hoping it worked

9b. and shiro, powering up an entire voltron XL through his arm and his connection to altean magic?? completely implausible. honestly tho? i don’t fucking care. Shiro is magic, friendship and resilience are magic, the paladins’ resolve is basically the only thing holding voltron together at this point, and I DON’T CARE. they’re fucking badasses and they can do what they want. at least the showrunners used the small details, like sendak’s memories and the castle crystal thing. there’s my bar -- using past story details. everything else? whatever, i’m using this fiction to escape reality, not constantly poke holes in it

10. if i had to pick favorite episodes: 6, 9, 10. maybe 12 and 13 for sheer emotional trauma.

10a. this might be my favorite season, tbh. i honestly don’t know yet bc i’m still really Shook(TM) but while i can’t say the season made me happy (it actually fucking ripped up my heart and stomped on it), i can say it left a mark. and I think voltron has a future in saving the universe with the earth as its home base.

10b. ok but allura needs to pull out that quintessence mumbo jumbo and give the lions a fucking UPGRADE WE ALL KNOW THAT’S WHAT HAGGAR’S DOING WITH THE COLONY AND HER WEIRD ROBEAST THINGS and ALLURA HAD THE SAME CRASHCOURSE IN ALCHEMY FROM ORIANDE SO GET ON IT PLS

11. ngl, the characters in this season? fine.

and now: a list of girls i thought were cute:

- Allura (as always)

- Veronica (called it)

- the girls on the MFE team (Leifsdottir and I forgot the other girl’s name, started with an R i think, either way she’s cute)

- Ezor (i’m a simple fool)

- Romelle with her hair up is such a Look and I love it

a list of guys:

- Keith (as usual) -- seriously, why is his animation always 100000X more expressive and beautiful than everyone else’s?? someone up there loves anime pretty boys and I am NOT COMPLAINING like in episode 5 his faces of fear were just so beautifully and expressively drawn

- HUNK.

- james & kinkade (is that how his name is even spelled lmao)

ANYWAY. i had feelings, thought I’d share

#vld s7 spoilers #spoilers #voltron #space squad #commentary

5 notes · View notes

le-sejour · 7 years

Text

Just Like You, Only Sweeter

Words: 1976

Pairing: wouldn’t u like to know jk it’s Thomas Jefferson x Reader with a surprise

World: Modern AU

Warning: Sexy, sexy things in here mhm (not smut tho, but pretty suggestive), also profanity and actual dickbaggery, angst

A/N: Hey hey hey hey hey so on this episode of “shouldn’t be writing this because I have requests to fill but still wrote it anyway” So I’ve been listening to my old music playlist back in 2010-ish? and ya kno how teenagers are w their edgy music and #Relatable lyrics. This fic was the love child of listening to All American Rejects and Fall Out Boy. Points if you can guess which songs inspired these lmao

Thomas groaned in pleasure, his hands gripping your hips tightly as you peppered kisses down his jaw to his neck. God, you were beautiful. So, so beautiful.

“Who has to know?”

You murmured against his skin as you mounted him, your black-lined eyes half-lidded and the stink of alcohol unmistakably heavy on your breath.

He knew this was just a one-night stand. A rebound. And he was perfectly fine with that. Your ex, Alexander Hamilton, had actually grown a pair big enough to come crawling back to Eliza, the woman he cheated on, leaving you to rot in your head for weeks on end.

You had planned on sulking around your apartment watching Friends reruns and binging on ice cream. Thomas had suggested getting drinks.

“He told me he would make it right with me.” You had sobbed into your multicolored drink, tears smudging your mascara somewhat. Your dark-skinned companion tried not to stare too much, but found that he couldn’t help it. You were mesmerizing even when you looked like a blotchy raccoon. His heart clenched. “He said he envisioned a future with me! A family an-and kids!”

“Hamilton’s an idiot, [F/Name].” He murmured matter-of-factly, instinctively using his thumb to wipe your tears away. He felt her skin jump at the contact. “He had the most scintillating woman in New York City, and he let it go. It’s his loss.”

His breath hitched when you looked up at him through damp lashes, still managing to look enticing despite crying for over three hours. His mind went into overdrive, desperately trying to keep the trickle of feelings at bay.

He watched with controlled interest as you worried your bottom lip, his heart beat pounding loudly in his ears. He can’t allow himself to give in. It was better this way, he chanted in his head like a mantra.

But oh, how her eyes shined iridescent against the dark.

“Would you have done the same, Thomas?” You whispered, leaning into him ever so slightly. His control was hanging by a thread. “Would you have left me like he did?”

He stared into your eyes once more, losing himself in them as he all but gave in to his desires.

“Never.” He whispered, voice strained and thick with want.

You closed the gap between you two, pressing your lips hungrily against his. You needed the friction, the intimacy. You wanted to feel wanted. And when you reached completion late into the night, your head thrown back in bliss as his hands still gripped your hips tightly, you’d like to think you were.

You never saw him around in the weeks following your drunken tryst. It was as if he never existed. He wasn’t in his apartment, or his favorite bar, or the library. You even tried visiting his workplace, but all you got was his secretary telling you he had opted to work from home.

Oh.

The silent walk back to your apartment was filled with sniffling and attempts to choke back your sobs, going through your memories of that night.

Did you say anything wrong? Was the sex bad? He had seemed so eager to bed you, and the morning after was spent lazing around and cuddling his apartment. What did you do? What changed that night after you went home?

You tried to ignore the tightening in your chest as you reached the front steps of your apartment building, but there was only so much you could do to reign in your emotions. Collapsing onto the steps, you sobbed uncontrollably into your hands.

Why is this happening to you? Didn’t Thomas like you? Didn’t Alexander like you? Did anyone like you?

“[F/Name]?”

You looked up from your pathetic, curled position, tears still streaming down your cheeks. Your heart seemed to heal instantly as you recognized those head of curls.

“Thomas.”

Thomas Jefferson was not an emotionally intelligent man.

He was cunning, and crafty, and wise beyond his years. But you’d be damned to think he was, in any way, in complete control of anything that doesn’t involve his head.

After your pity romp, he was a mess. The moment you kissed him had opened the dam that held all the things he felt for you at bay. It flooded out into every kiss, every stroke, every breathy moan he made because of your ministrations. It seeped into everything he touched.

And he was terrified.

He wanted to be with you every second of every day so badly it hurt. He wanted to care for you, support you. Be the reason for your smiles and laughter. The need to be yours never used to be this intense. It was jarring.

So he left.

It was much easier to be your friend. He could occasionally flirt with you without consequence, and you could spill every thought and opinion to him when even Alexander had trouble wheedling it out of you. Nothing was complicated, nothing was at stake. You both worked better that way. It was better that way.

Wasn’t it?

A month had passed, then two, into his self-imposed isolation and he began to doubt himself. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he had let himself overthink your situation. But…

God, he was a jackass.

He had left you. You came to him in your hour of need and he took advantage of it. He left you for dead after being so intimate with you. You needed him, you were in pieces. And he left you.

You probably hated him. No, he was sure you hated him. With everything he’s done, he wouldn’t be surprised. He left you after explicitly saying he wouldn’t.

He’s definitely fucked up this time.

Grabbing his jacket, he made his way to the door. He didn’t know what he was going to do, or how to do it, he just knew he needed to make this right somehow.

You nervously picked at the assortment of flowers on your lap, your stomach churning with anticipation and nerves. Of course, you’ve practiced this whole thing plenty of times before. But actually being here, today, was definitely more than you bargained for.

“Hey,” You turned your head to acknowledge the voice, smiling slightly as you see the familiar face of James Madison. “It seems like almost everyone is here.”

The smile on your face was shaky at best, the anxiety in your eyes shining through. “Yeah? That’s-that’s good…”

James smiled at you reassuringly before stepping into the backseat with you. His warm presence enveloped the car, giving you a slight confidence boost. “You’re nervous.”

You laughed. “Is it that obvious?”

“It’s normal.” He answered, taking the bouquet from you before you pluck all the petals out. “What’s worrying you?”

“God,” Exhaling, you looked up, tears inexplicably welling in your eyes. “I don’t- This is insane. I never would have thought…”

The man beside you simply nodded in response, letting you have the moment to express yourself.

“Two years ago, I never would have imagined…” You trailed off, fanning your face in an attempt to blink back tears. “He’s everything I’ve hoped for and more, James. I-I’m scared that I’ll wake up and find myself on the front steps of my old apartment again…”

You were seated on a park bench, sun shining like a halo on you, as Thomas watched you laugh. Your hair fluttered gracefully as you threw your head back. He smiled, memorizing every curve and hollow of your face. He reveled in the fact that he was right. You were beautiful through and through.

His hand wandered slyly to your thigh, making you turn to him with an unreadable gaze. He smiled innocently, those pearly whites of his shining unabashedly. You rolled your eyes as your hands found his and laced your fingers together.

How could he have been that lucky?

He leaned over and whispered in your ear, causing you to turn red and shift in your seat. He pulled away to look at you, his eyes darkening with desire. Oh, how he wished to be the friction in those jeans you wore.

You leaned in to press a passionate kiss on his lips, your hands coming up to cradle his cheeks. He pulled you closer by the waist, nibbling on your bottom lip gently before separating.

With the grace of a cat, he pulled you up with him and brushed a stray lock of hair away from your face, murmuring how he wanted to get you home and in bed as soon as possible.

How could you have been this lucky?

James led you to the huge cathedral doors, your gown flowing easily around you, while the veil you wore drifted to and fro at every move you made.

“Are you ready, [F/Name]?” You looked up as a fresh pool of tears made its way to your eyes.

“Thank you, Jemmy… For everything.” You whispered, throwing your arms around him in a tight, tearful hug. He returned the hug just as fiercely, your head tucked under his chin.

“I would never leave you alone like that, [F/Name].” He murmured, his voice thick with emotion and an edge you couldn’t describe. “Now go, Mulligan is waiting to walk you down the aisle.”

Nodding, you reluctantly let go of the man you had quickly considered a best friend within the two years you’ve known each other for. Straightening your back, you walked through the cathedral doors, entering the small lobby just before the main hall.

“And [F/Name].” James called out, causing you to turn slightly while Hercules fussed with your gown. “Remember, this is real. It’s real, and you deserve this.”

You beamed at him, watery and emotional, before being led away.

James stared into the cathedral, watching you float down the aisle like a cloud. Your back was turned to him but he could feel the happiness radiating from you as you passed friends and family.

A few seconds later, without as much as a turn of his head, he called out a name that hasn’t crossed his lips for a while now.

“Thomas.”

Without missing a beat, a figure loomed behind the smaller man before taking his place beside him.

“James.”

The Virginian, like his companion, stared straight into the cathedral, watching you finally reach the man who had helped you pick up the pieces. The man he saw making you laugh that day at the park. The lucky bastard who now gets to spend his days with you, build a family with you, grow old with you. All the things Thomas could now only dream about.

“Gilbert will make her happy.” James said, as if hearing the other man’s thoughts. They always did have an unnerving knack for reading the other. Thomas rolled his eyes.

“He has the most scintillating woman in New York City. Of course he’ll make her happy. He’d be an idiot not to…”

The other man said nothing, merely coughing into his handkerchief as silence fell over the pair of them.

“You know why she’s taken such a liking to him, right?”

Thomas opted not to reply, instead choosing to watch you recite your vows. He knew you were beautiful even on a normal day, but today you were simply breathtaking, even from his perch by the large, ornate doors. What he wouldn’t do to be the man standing at the altar with you.

“You left a bad taste in her mouth, Thomas.” They continued to watch the wedding, watched as you exchanged rings, watched as the priest gave people like Thomas a chance to speak. “Gilbert… He’s just like you. Only, sweeter.”

Silence filled the air of the cathedral as they waited for anyone to protest the union.

Thomas finally turned to James, his eyes brimming with tears as a few already trailed down his cheeks.

“I know.”

#hello darkness my old friend #why am i like thiiis #hamilton #thomas jefferson x reader #thomas jefferson imagine #thomas jefferson #lafayette x reader #lafayette imagine #marquis de lafayette #hamilton imagine #hamilfics #hamfics #hamiltrash

170 notes · View notes