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ohtobeleah · 4 months

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Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Seven: [Faucet Failure]

Summary: Jake makes his way back to you after finding out the truth. While under sedation to give your brain some rest, you remember the good times and the bad with your husband.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil.

Word Count: 4.6K

Author Note: These chapters keep getting more and more heartbreaking. I can’t even deal. Why did you guys let me do this to y’all?

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

November 22nd

The dim glow of your TV was the only thing in the house that was giving your home any sort of light. The kids had all gone down well, both Lucy and Lennox had swimming practice after school which meant that they were down and out for the count before you even got from their beds back to the door. Sam was easy to get to sleep, he always had been. He was just a naturally sleepy kid.

The gentle knock against your front door startled you, but didn’t shock you. You knew exactly who it was. It was the same guy who'd given you a tissue to dry your tears, the same guy who sat beside you and kept you company during one of your lowest moments. It was the guy that had turned an overly depressing core memory into one that showed a little humanity, sympathy and understanding.

“Happy Birthday!” Jensen cooed as he stood at your door with a plastic bag full of Chinese takeout containers full to the very brim. “I didn't know what you liked so I think I got one of everything.” You stood at the threshold of your home just staring at the man who was on your doorstep, who’d insisted on buying you dinner. When you had informed him of your three children, Jensen said he’d have it delivered.

But he didn't specify who’d be delivering it…..

“I hope you weren't expecting a tip.” You smiled as you let Jensen into your home, the unimaginable amount of scattered children's shoes made it look like you were raising a family of caterpillars, but Jensen didn't mind the mess. He understood, his sister had two little girls around about the same age as Lucy and Lennox.

“But I brought you cheesecake as well?” Jensen smiled back at you in the darkness of the dimly lit hallway. “Can’t have a birthday without cake.”

“I don't even remember the last time someone brought me any form of cake.” You sighed as you politely took the cheesecake in its cake box. Jensen frowned in response as he watched you hit the light switch in the hallway that led to the kitchen.

“Didn't your husband ever buy you a birthday cake?” He called out as he followed you deeper into your humble abode. It was a simple question that carried far too much weight than you were ready to truly unpack. You'd told Jensen in one of your many conversations since you first met about how you and Jake were separated due to circumstances that weren’t fair to either one of you. Jensen never pressed for more information than you were willing to give.

“He used to.” You shrugged. “I can't remember the year he stopped, hell–I can't really even pinpoint when he stopped caring but eventually he did and soon enough my birthday just became another day.” It was hard to admit, but Jensen made opening up about your marital struggles easy, you never really confided in anyone about any of it. He had a non-biased opinion. “But I loved Jake, I still do, at the time I guess I didn't care that I was getting a fraction of what I deserved because a fraction of him was better than nothing at all.” The tears were there, they were ready to spill over your lower last line. But you never let them fall as Jensen sat down at your kitchen bench and opened up the bag of chinese food. “But it all got too much– or too little, I suppose.”

“Have you told him about the cancer yet?” Jensen asked softly, he wasn't pressing, he was just asking.

“I still dont think I’m going to–he probably wouldn't care, I mean he forgot my birthday.” Again you shrugged it off like it was no big deal. “I highly doubt he’d care about some cancer diagnosis.”

“Are you sure he wouldn't care? Or have you just convinced yourself he wouldn't because it hurts less to believe he doesn't care than it does to believe he does?” When you answered Jensen's heart sank. He saw the tears in your eyes, the look of heartbreak that reflected from your very soul. The longingness in your expression. He saw right through the wall you tried so hard to protect yourself with. He saw it all. Which is why when your voice cracked and your support beams held together by caffeine and your need to keep a normal routine for your children in place, faltered, Jensen sighed.

“It didn't take much convincing–”

“Y/n–”

“How was Chemo today?” You tried your best to change the subject as you grabbed some cutlery. The chair beside Jensen at your kitchen counter looked awfully comfortable.

“Consider my follicles fried.” Jensen chuckled as you handed him a spoon. “Now don't change the subject, we’re talking about you and this husband of yours, who, I'm convinced, is a few screws short of a hardware store.”

“Oh yeah? Why's that?” You weren't sure if you wanted to know, but what you did know was that Jake wasn’t here. He’d sent you a message earlier in the day but you were yet to respond. You felt that if you replied it would open a floodgate of vulnerability. But soon enough Jensens words had you in a freefall of wondering if it was truly over between you and Jake–

“Because I don't think anyone who's lucky enough to love you would ever put themselves in a position to lose you.”

Or not.

***~***~***~**~***~

“Look left for me?” Doctor Ignatii spoke as he shined his little pen light in your eyes. “And right?” You did as you were told although you just wanted to be left alone. “Count to five for me?” You almost rolled your eyes as Doctor Ignatii stepped away and walked closer to your feet.

“One, two, three, four, five.” You slowly counted. “Do I get a gold star?” Doctor Ignatii didn’t take your foul attitude to heart, he dealt with people like you every day—over the years you tend to develop pretty thick skin.

“Possibly, if you can wiggle your toes and touch your nose?” He asked through a smile as he began to feel your feet. “Wiggle please Mrs Seresin.”

“This better not be my audition tape for the Madden Brothers Circus.” You didn’t mean to take your hostility out on the doctor who had saved your life, but there was a small part of you that wished he would have just let the blood clot do its damage. You did what you were told once more and wiggled your toes and touched your nose. “Look at me go.”

“Well—“ Doctor Ignatii chuckled to himself as he filled out your charts on his iPad. “You don’t seem to be showing any immediate deficits post surgery, I’d like to give your brain a chance to rest for another ten to twelve hours before we get you out of bed for a little bit of a walk.” You listened to what your doctor was saying as your mother came back into the room, you didn’t know it but Jake had just landed and was heading right over.

“Does that mean I get more of these awesome drugs?” You asked playfully, your mother even swore you were flirting. Doctor Ignatii was very handsome with brown hair and dark skin. He smiled at your forwardness but nodded in response. He was also used to this.

“We’ll give you another sedative to make sure you're able to rest, you’ll probably feel like you got hit by a bus when you wake up but it’ll give us a clearer indication if you’ll face any deficits going forward.”

“You reckon breast cancer’s a deficit?” You couldn't stop thinking about the dream you had about Jake. it felt so real, like your own personal rolodex of memories was trying its best to show you the good times. For whatever reason that may be you had no idea, but, you really had to ground yourself in your own reality. Jake wasn't the Jake from your memories anymore, although you desperately wished he was. He was now the Jake who couldn't remember your birthday or to fill your Christmas stocking on Christmas. He was the guy who let you peel your own oranges after he’d done it for so many years.

He was the guy who had fallen out of love with you.

“I do, but your double mastectomy has been rescheduled for Christmas Eve. So what better way to wake up on Christmas morning knowing your chance of kicking cancer's ass just went up by thirty five percent?” It was your turn to smile at Doctor Ignatii as he ended the conversation about your cancer at that. “I’ll send in a nurse to admit the sedative, mum? She’ll be out for a minimum of ten hours while on the IV, you should take the time to get some rest too.”

“Sure thing Doc.” Your mother answered as she watched him walk away. “Were you flirting with that man?”

“No harm, he’s seen the inside of my brain, can’t get more intimate then that can you?” You were probably putting on a braver face then you felt but your mother could tell you were nervous about the sedative..

“I’ll stay with you for the entire time you're sleeping.” She cooed as she pushed your hair behind your hair. She noticed how stands fell almost with the gust of her fingertip. The chemo was killing your hair follicles. “You won’t be alone.”

“Thanks.” Was all you said as Lydia came into your room ready to set your IV drop up. “I hope you’ve done this before, kid.”

“Absolutely Mrs Seresin.” Lydia chuckled, she felt a lot better after a full eight hours of sleep. “I’ll just get this sorted and you’ll be good to go.” As Lydia set up your IV, you had just rough energy to send one message to a dear friend you thought should know about your current state. Your mother watched as you typed out a really quick message with one hand.

You: “Had a stroke, in hospital, surgery rescheduled.”

“Promise you’ll stay?” You asked your mum one more time as you saw her reading a text. A text from your ex husband telling her he was about twenty minutes away and running off the five hours of sleep he got before his world got flipped on its head.

“You’re not going be alone sweetheart.” Your mother answered rather cryptically. As your eyelids grew heavier and heavier. “You’re not gonna be alone.”

***~***~***~**~***~

“I'm here.” Jake had taken the next flight back to Rhode Island that he could, he didn't have time to waste when it came to getting back to you. He was tired, emotionally exhausted from everything he had learnt of your condition and dishevelled beyond belief. He was sure someone threw a dollar down at him while he was sitting on the floor at the airport next to a charging port. He looked so distressed and dishevelled that someone thought he was homeless.

He kept that dollar though.

“Okay, ask the main reception to point you in the direction of oncology and we’re in room 306.” Your mother replied over the phone, Jake had called her about fifteen minutes after you had been administered your sedative.

Jake felt his heart in the back of his throat as he took the elevator up to the level the lady at the reception desk in the main lobby of the Rhode Island hospital had told him to go to. Oncology equals cancer, you had cancer, breast cancer, you had a stroke, strokes can kill you, cancer can kill you.

Jake had thought about nothing else since he got on his flight, the idea that you were sick, that you were so sick you couldn't even tell him broke his heart more than you leaving him ever could. There was once a time where Jake thought you could tell him anything, that you were able to come to him with any problem you had or were facing.

He couldn't pinpoint exactly when you stopped telling him things, or more importantly when he’d stopped listening. Jake couldn't help but to blame himself for feeling like he’d somewhat put you into this situation where you felt like you couldn't rely on him to step up when you needed him to. You were sick and you needed support, he was supposed to be that support, but instead you kept him in the dark like he didn't deserve to know you were ill.

Maybe he didn't deserve to know, but either way Jake was walking towards room 306 where your mother had told him to go. He brought his duffel with him, Jake made no plans to leave your bedside for the duration of your stay. However long that may be, he was gonna be by your side.

And the second he got to the threshold of your hospital room, Jake Seresin forgot what it was like to be able to breathe on his own accord.

“Oh Honey.” He cooed as his bottom lip quivered, your Mother tried her best to remain a strong presence but at the sight of Jake crumbling under the weight of the idea he’d lose you twice over made her eyes water. “Oh my sweet girl.”

***~***~***~**~***~

“Jake!” You shouted out throughout the house as Lucy and Lenny watched over baby Sam as they ate lunch in the living room.“Jake!”

“What?” Jake called back to you from the back deck where he was busy doing absolutely nothing but enjoying a beer with his feet up and his sunglasses on. He just needed twenty minutes. Sam had been a handful today and ever since Jake got home he’d wanted nothing more than to use his body as a jungle gym.

“The faucet in the ensuite won’t stop leaking, can you please tighten it before you get too comfortable.” You asked as politely as you could with a soft smile.

“Sure, yeah I’ll put it on the list.” Jake shrugged your request off like it was nothing but another chore you were commanding him to do. When Jake didn’t budge, you crossed your arms over your chest and pressed the issue further.

“It’s just that I’m trying to work on my new book and I can’t concentrate with the dripping.” You were in the middle of your latest project. A new book proposal your editors were waiting on.

“I said I’d get to it Hon, just—why don’t you try writing somewhere else besides your desk? Or better yet, shut the ensuite door?” Jake couldn’t see the rage burning in your eyes when he told you to basically deal with it until he could be arsed to get up.

“Jake please?” You begged, it wasn’t the first time you’d asked Jake to fix the leaky faucet but it would be the last. It was one the few final straws that broke your back before you decided enough was enough and you couldn’t stay in your marriage any longer. “I need you to do this one thing for me so I can work in peace.”

“If it’s so important that it needs to be fixed right this second Hon just fix it yourself?” Jake argued back as he took a sip of his beer, it had been a long week for him and he needed a moment to relax. “You know how to fix a leak.”

“I already tried!” You shouted back loud enough to finally have Jake taking his glasses off to look at you properly. “I’m trying to work, I’ve had the kids all week and I need to get these last few chapters done before next Friday and you go back to work on Monday.” You saw the look Jake gave you, one of annoyance and frustration, like you were some kind of parasite trying to ruin his day off to relax and enjoy some rest and rejuvenation before Monday rolled around again.

“Honey if you let me sit here for twenty minutes I will fix the fucking leak for you.” He tried to hide his disdain but you could read it through the lines on his face. “I’m not sure why you can’t just write somewhere where you can’t fucking hear it but I’ll fix it the minute I’m done drinking my beer.”

“Alright.” You pressed your lips together and tried not to let your anger boil over. “Alright I can live with that.”

“Hallelujah, she can live with compromise.” Jake sassed as he took another sip of his beer. You chose not to respond as you headed back inside the home you both shared with a feeling of under appreciated value looming over your head. What did Jake mean by compromise? You did so much and more for him, why was it such an issue that you’d asked him to fix a faucet.

He never did get around to fixing it like he said he would. Twenty minutes turned to two hours, which turned to two days, months and eventually It was only when the both of you decided to sell the property when you said you were leaving, that he noticed the leak was never fixed.

You never did finish that draft, the book that remained unpublished and half finished. You kept the google doc on your laptop and sometimes you thought about picking the project back up. But you never did, you never had time to, not while you were on the cusp of divorce and raising three children all on your own.

“I uh—I fixed the faucet.” Jake sheepishly told you as he made his way into the kitchen to see you packing plates and bowls and cutlery into moving boxes.

“The faucet I asked you to fix back in October?” You replied harshly while trying not to look at the man who forgot where you should have been on his priority list. “Glad I compromised on that one for this long.” You hissed, it had only been four days since you told Jake you were leaving, that you were moving back into your mothers place with the kids until you found somewhere to live.

“Honey—“

“Please don’t call me that.” You asked rather simply as Jake's heart broke before you. He was losing his wife, his kids and didn’t know how to fix what he’d unintentionally broken.

“Don’t go, we can fix this, I don’t want you to go.”

“Well unfortunately this isn’t about you Jake.” You tried to keep your voice down so that you wouldn’t alert the kids to your argument. If there was one thing you weren’t going to do it was fight in front of your children and subject them to that environment. “Tell me, it’s January right now isn’t it?”

“Yeah?” Jake wasn’t sure what you were getting at as he watched you pack the boxes of things you were taking with you.

“When’s my birthday?” You asked like he should have known that answer off the top of his head, because he should have and he did.

“Novem—oh fuck Y/n no hold on a minute.” Jake couldn’t find the words he wanted to say at that moment, how could he forget your birthday? He missed it entirely and you said not a single thing about it.

“My stocking was the only one empty at Christmas, not a single present under the tree was mine, you know why that is? It’s because for four years I’ve brought my own damn presents and gotten my own fucking birthdays cake, you don’t give a shit about fixing a goddamn fosset so I can focus on work let alone the little things.” You hissed before you tried to calm yourself down and get back to packing. Jake just stood there speechless looking like he hadn’t slept a wink in days. He hadn’t, not since you told him you were done and that you needed a break.

“I can fix this, please.” Jake was begging you to stay, he didn’t want to lose the one person who meant more to him than life itself. “Just don’t leave me.”

“There isn’t enough room for me in your life Jake, and instead of being selfish and trying to change you I’d rather let you go to be yourself. People change.” You shrugged. Staying now would have killed you, Jake felt you slipping through his fingers in real time as he watched you wrap up the mugs you were taking in old newspaper. “I sure never thought the man I married would change into someone I don’t even know.”

***~***~***~**~***~

Jake was at a loss for words when he stepped into your hospital room. The Christmas lights that shimmered around the room were a stark contrast to the plethora of machines that were scattered around your bedside.

“I thought since she’s sleeping the blinds should be shut.” Jake could just barely make out what your mother had told him as she rose to greet him with open arms. He couldn’t peel his eyes off you for even a second as the woman who had become his second mother took him in a warm loving embrace. “She’ll be out for a while sweetheart, they gave her a sedative to help her brain rest.”

“How long?” Jake asked as he held your mother tight.

“About ten—maybe twelve hours, she only just started the drip.”

“Oh—okay, yeah no that.” Jake tried to hold himself together but the damn was breaking. “That’s probably for the b-bet—oh god.” Jake Seresin had never felt his entire body crumbled into someone the way he felt his body crumble into your mothers arms.

“Oh my boy it’s alright, she’s alive, she’s gonna be okay.” Your mother tried her best to soothe Jake's cries but she knew it was coming from a place of love and undeniable sadness. “Here, sit down, I’ll go get you a coffee and something to eat.”

Jake took a seat next to your bedside and immediately reached out for your hand. He knew you were under and wouldn’t know he was there but he still brought your palm up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your hand.

“Oh Honey I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” He sobbed quietly as your mother stood behind him. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know.”

“She hasn’t told anyone but me Jake, not her friends or her brother.” It was hard to process the sight before him, the love of Jake's life surrounded by machines, hooked by cords and wires and monitors that told him although your eyes were closed you were in fact, alive. “I don’t think she wanted you to know because she’s just so scared despite how she might put on a brave face.”

“Or she thought I wouldn’t care.” Jake mumbled as he reached out to make sure your hair was resting behind your ear, part of your head had been shaved from surgery, but Jake never expected the hair he tried to move back behind your ear to fall out at his touch. “Oh my god—“

“She’s been on oral chemotherapy since her biopsy came back cancerous, she needed you to take the kids so she could start more aggressive IV chemo.”

“Her hair’s already falling out?” Jake had never felt this way before, so rendered powerless. He’d taken a life before and saved many, but watching you right now was the most powerless he’d ever felt. Jake caught the sight of your phone flashing with a new message with a name he didn't recognise. There was no time to ask you about the message he saw, but jake knew maybe, just maybe, you had lied when you told him there was no other guy.

Jensen: “Oh shit, I'll swing by once I'm out of the woods.”

“Aggressive cancer needs aggressive treatment sweetheart.” Your mother leaned in to kiss the top of Jake's head. “I’ll be back, coffee and a sandwich will do you good.”

“Thanks Maz.” Jake sighed as he kept your hand up near his mouth as he leaned his elbows on the side of your bed. “Oh Honey, Honey, Honey—what have we become?”

***~***~***~***~***~***

Your honeymoon was the most beautiful trip you’d ever gone on. Jake Seresin was very much a summer man. He loved when the sun was shining and the water was cool and the beers were as refreshing as they ever could be.

The resort in Bali that the two of you were staying at for the entire two weeks was nothing but picturesque with stunningly gorgeous gardens and extraordinary architecture. The pool you were sitting on the edge of was just one of the many pools that you and Jake had yet to visit. He stood on the ledge of the rock waterfall and smiled ear to ear.

“I’m not resuscitating you when you slip and hit your head!” You called out through a beaming smile.

“Reckon I could clear a backflip?” Jake asked childishly as he climbed to the very top. His abs looked far too perfect to be real as he stood tall and flexed just for you, his wife.

“Jake Seresin, don't you dare!” You warned as you looked over your sunglasses at your childish husband. He was everything any more, how you got so lucky you'd never understand. The two of you had decided on a small elopement style wedding that saw only a handful of your closest family members in attendance. The both of you saw no need for over the top extremities and thoughts of dollars spent on a single night. You thought why not use the money on a holiday getaway, your dream honeymoon. After Rodney had gone on his happiness never ends tangent, Jake wished the two of you had just gone down to town hall.

“Live a little Mrs Seresin!” Jake shouted as he took the leap of faith and backflipped off the very top of the man made rock waterfall that cascaded down into the crystal clear pool. The two of you were the only guests in sight which you were so thankful for when Jake came belly flopping down into the water with a crisp slap.

“Oh!” You cringed hard as your husband hit the water. “That's gotta hurt the ego buddy.” You giggled as you watched Jake swim under the water closer to the edge where you sat just relaxing in the smallest bikini known to mankind. “Jake?” You asked as he crept closer and closer under the water. Your eyes never left his swimming silhouette until he was jumping up right in front of you to rest his elbows on the edge of the pool right in front of you.

“My execution was a little off.” He grinned as you leaned in to give him a kiss. Unbeknownst to you though as your lips pressed against your husbands, his hands snakes around your waist to quickly drag you into the water where Jake needed you to be. With him, forever.

“JAKE!” You shouted as you fell into the pool. Jake couldn't contain his laughter. Thank god he remembered you knew how to swim.

“Yes Honey?” He cooed as you resurfaced with a gasp.

“You’re a child!”

“Uh no–I'm not.” Jake made sure to correct you as he pulled you closer under the water. His hand explored your ass as he wrapped your legs around his waist and held you up against him. You could feel his hard on pressing against your core, it wouldn't take much at all for him to slip out of his trunks and into you if he wanted to.

“But if you want I can show you how they're made?”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional @jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog @goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30 @accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes @eternallyvenus @emma8895eb

#was it over? // jake seresin #tw: cancer #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin fanfiction #jake hangman imagine #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin angst #top gun hangman #hangman top gun

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tsams-confessions · 1 month

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ive seen SO many people say "new moon can form his own thoughts and opinions that differ from old moon because theyre different people" and "moon got redeemed through new moon replacing old moon". which, to their credit, is true!

and yet when someone says "V3 eclipse can possibly be redeemed because this isn't the OG eclipse" all of a sudden V3 eclipse is the EXACT same person as OG eclipse was despite the fact that it's an INCREDIBLY similar scenario to old and new moon, if not the exact same. we dont know how V3/V4 eclipse's memories work. he doesnt even have OG eclipse's data for his personality. he has SOLAR'S.

the memories are ALL that he knows in addition to what's going on in the present day. and if these memories ARE merely recreations, which seems INCREDIBLY likely, then V3 could be being misled to act like this in his creators' favor without even knowing he's being manipulated.

much like how new moon was fed biased information! he had NONE of old moon's memories and he only knew of everything that happened up to the point he existed from the people around him TELLING HIM. and i certainly dont think sun or lunar told him about eclipse or bloodmoon in a neutral light. as fair as it was for it to be, the information he got about who he was and everything that happened was biased. plain and simple.

yet new moon gets to be his own person and new character because formed his own thoughts and opinions and personality while everyone reduces V3/V4 eclipse to nothing more than the same eclipse as ever.

but the thing is, V3 is forming his own thoughts and his own opinions too. he's becoming something of his own person, much like new moon did, based on what he's experiencing and how he's being treated in the present day. all he's doing is using these memories as a starting point because it is ALL THAT HE HAS.

we don't know for a fact if OG eclipse didnt hate lunar, but V3/V4 doesn't. we dont know if anything that V3 feels now is the same as how OG eclipse would have felt.

he's even forming his own personality. he's extremely impatient. he's DESPERATE. he is tired and upset and constantly stressed out. he isn't even sarcastic anymore unless he's being bitter. you could argue that it's because he's "losing it" or whatever, but thats still him developing his own personality.

this is an eclipse made from RECREATED MEMORIES and SOMEONE ELSES BASE CODE. this isn't og eclipse.

he can change in ways he couldn't before. he can grow in ways he couldn't before. because this isn't the same eclipse. similar, yes, but not the same. just like old moon.

an eclipse redemption CAN indeed be possible just like a moon redemption was. but whenever someone says that, they're called a "desperate eclipse simp/worshipper" a good 75% of the time. like im sorry WHAT?????

i can understand if you dont want eclipse to be redeemed, but you cant deny that it's a valid idea, especially with the direction the show is taking V3's character.

#sun and moon show #the sun and moon show #tsams #sams #tsams confession #< block this if you dont want to see these #mod 1blood

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not-your-fucking-kacchan · 2 years

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♡︎𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢 𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨𝐮♡︎

Day 7 of Kinktober 2022

Summary: Katsuki wants to see you come undone with just the help of his thigh.

Props to my beta reader for today @sasualblxd - thank you for your amazing help! Bae I couldn't have done this without you <3

987 words.

Katsuki wants to try something new. He's dressed all smart after a formal meeting concerning hero work, clad in a pretty, light grey suit - tailored perfectly to wrap around muscular thighs like a glove. The colour reminds you of the sky on a wintery afternoon, accompanied by a smart black shirt underneath that complements him much more than the standard white. He's in his business casual, and obviously, you're obsessed. But you might have a biased opinion.

One of his signature smirks tugs at the corner of his lips, dimpling his cheek and threatening to turn your world upside down with the swift 'come hither' of his fingers. The smug ash blonde summons you forward with the enticing motion, drawing all of your attention and delighting in it. He loves to be the very centre of all your thoughts.

The meeting has since come to a close, and thus Katsuki teases you in your shared room after work, placing firm, rough hands on wide hips and guiding you to sit on just one of his thighs. Every now and again he would shake his leg beneath you, knowing exactly what he's doing to you in the process, your skirt pooling over his pelvis.

He delights in the fact that you're only wearing a thin pair of underwear underneath, and slowly, he grabs your waist with steady hands like he has many times before, pulling you forward and guiding you to straddle him.

Now that you were finally home, the thought did cross his mind to simply strip you and take you against the front door, but he was feeling especially evil. Is it horrible that he just wants to see you squirm?

You're already wet from just the hungry looks he'd been giving you on the way home, and desperately wanted to just jump his bones the second you got home. All you've been able to think about is how fucking irresistible he looks in a suit. He exudes confidence and competence in waves and the bulging muscle that strains beneath that shirt naturally has your eyes locked on him and your belly on fire like a cat in heat. You just need to be taken care of by this man, and you've been so close to tearing your hair out in frustration all day.

There's a dark spot on your underwear which brings to attention just how long you've been waiting for this, and he fully understands the anticipation. Only God knows how much mental strain was put behind trying to ward off a boner mid-meeting. You have been driving him fucking nuts. Now it's time for punishment.

Soft kisses spark at his skin and echo through the room while you grind on his thigh, your body pressed flush against his chest and your breasts cushioning his chin. You couldn't be happier to finally be getting some sort of relief, needily rutting your hips against his soft, squishy quadricep.

"That's it, baby, want you to ride my thigh."

Oh, how your stomach ties knots at the sound of his voice. It's gruff and underlined by lust, his hands firmly on your sides and helping you move against him smoothly, a wet patch of your anticipation starting to form on his pant leg. He groans as you grind on him, pressing a kiss to your neck and smoothing his hand to slip under your shirt.

The dip of your waist fits perfectly in his hand, it's almost like you were made for him.

The most delectable little gasps and moans leave your mouth as you do exactly what you were told, and Katsuki drinks them all up as he kisses you like a man addicted to your taste. His lips trail down your jaw and your neck to your breasts which press against his face, and he clicks his tongue at the fact that your shirt is buttoned, guiding you to undo those buttons for him.

When the top of your cleavage finally begins to show, Katsuki immadiately decides that he wants to paint your breasts with his hickeys and love bites, making your pussy clench against him. He can feel you twitching and throbbing against him and his own need twitches in the confines of his suit pants, creating a noticeable bulge.

Katsuki isn't quite the most patient of men, however, and slowly his hand slips under the pleated, black fabric of your skirt and past soft, cotton underwear to play with your clit. He's always prided himself in being the only one in his friend group who can actually find the clit, except Mina, obviously. But you failed to notice the impact that had on his ego until it was far too late.

It's kind of sexy, in a way. He gets off on being a good lover. It's the kind of trait in a man most women can only dream of. So you really didn't mind.

What you do mind, though, is the fact that you're already close to cumming in your underwear after barely minutes of this. Soft panted moans fill the room as you struggle to keep your composure, amusing your boyfriend as he presses his fingers down harder into your clit to tease you.

"Yeah, that's it, baby. You like that? Come on, I want you to cum, you think you can do that for me?..."

It only takes a few more seconds of his ministrations and the feeling of his breath agains your neck, sending shivers down your spine, for you to unravel in his arms.

Your thighs tremble and shake as your essence drips between your legs, Katsuki's pants soaked in your need. The sight causes as low chuckle to rumble in his chest even despite the little crescent moons you dig into his his back in your attempt at grounding yourself.

"Fuck-... 'so fuckin' sexy... 'm gonna fuckin' wreck you, baby."

All you can manage in response is a little whimper.

◃ 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | 𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 ▹

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hartlesshart · 3 months

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I have something to say - If you aren’t going to read the whole thing, then skip it. But I really hope you do. My intention is not to cause drama. I just felt this was important to say because I love this community and I want it to be the best it can be.

A few days ago, a very unfortunate thing happened on a certain post about Talanah and Seyka. I called someone out on what was a case of weaponizing a racist incident. Instead of having a meaningful discussion, my comments were deleted and called “inappropriate accusations.”

Long story short - several reblogged and commented on this post about how Talanah was constantly being tagged as Seyka. To be clear, this is not a good thing and I believe every single one of those post to be valid in their frustration. But I have also seen it happen the other way around to my own work (Seyka tagged as Talanah). None of this is okay but while it is exhausting, remember that mistakes do happen.

So I made a comment about my experience and my comment was dismissed because apparently it “hadn’t been seen.” I responded to this with an honest truth of how dismissals of experience affects people like me.

The thing about racism is that it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. You don’t get to pick and choose who it happens to just to fit your narrative. Dismissing it because you didn’t personally see it is harmful, especially to fans from marginalized groups who may not feel comfortable sharing their experiences in the future.

My comment was deleted and later referred to as an “inappropriate accusation” and “harassment.” Was it an accusation? Yes. Was it inappropriate? No. Was it harassment? Absolutely not - I took time to respond so it wouldn’t be seen that way. However, the comments involving Talanah mistags were kept. The comments defending a fictional character. To be clear, I am not saying these comments are not justified. It is incredibly frustrating to work so hard on a piece only for it to be tagged as another character. However, the fact other comments (including my personal experience), that challenged the narrative that these mistaggings were only happening to Talanah, were being deleted is problematic and a form of silencing. Intentional or not - this is a racist microaggression - and yes, I do deal with stuff like this in real life.

It became immediately clear to me that the goal here wasn’t to raise awareness or do anything about the racist misnaming but instead use it to put down a group in this community. And judging a whole group by the actions of a few bad apples is literally where prejudice begins. All of this pettiness stemming from - let’s face it - an unnecessary shipping war in a FICTIONAL STORY. I was incredibly disappointed and saddened because I know we are better than this.

I am not speaking out because I want to cause drama. Undoing systemic racism is something I am deeply passionate about because it affects so many people in my life. If someone calls you out on a problematic take, please take a moment to listen and reflect, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Do not follow the impulse to block or delete. This work is extremely exhausting for everyone, but it is SO important. We all carry prejudices and biases. We are human. But we can also learn because we are all human. I have been called out many times in life by my friends. I have made so many ignorant comments and mistakes. And I will still make them. Hearing I have is not easy at all but it is all part of growing.

Speaking out like this isn’t really my thing but I felt the need to make a comment that can’t be deleted by anyone. I love the Horizon community and I want it to be a safe and inclusive space for everyone no matter where you are from. That is what these games are about. Understanding people from different backgrounds, opinions and traditions in order to work together.

You don’t have to be fans of the same characters. You can love or be disappointed with the canon. You can respectfully give and listen to critiques of these characters. And you can celebrate representation even if it’s not the direction you wanted Horizon to go in.

Whatever these games have given you is yours to keep.

Just don’t be an asshole about it (at least in public, what you do in private is none of anyone’s business so…) -> that goes to all fans in all groups. It is never okay to harass or hurt anyone - and especially over fictional characters.

(Also please respect the devs - we are lucky they are able to pour their hearts into this game for all of us to enjoy and frankly the direction is their creative choice)

This vibrant community is full of so much talent and love for this amazing series. I have made some truly incredible friends, worked on some hilarious and delightful collaborations and have seen wicked talent come together to make something special. Just look on the horizon, and you’ll see a certain 100% fan-made game coming soon, which has a little something for everyone!

Keep creating. Ignore the bad apples. Don’t be an asshole. I’m going back to drawing silly things. - from the hart

#horizon zero dawn #horizon forbidden west #horizon critical #horizon fandom #talanah #seyka #burning shores #fight racism #microaggressions #be antiracist #horizon #hfw

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whovianderson · 7 months

Text

Sex Education season 4 thoughts

The good

Aimee’s journey. As I’ve discussed online no end, I have complex PTSD. While I was never sexually assaulted like Aimee was, her avoidant trauma responses were very relatable to me. To see her taking the power back this season, especially when the burned the jeans she was assaulted in and did the photoshoot with them, made me feel a bit less alone as I try and heal. I cried my eyes out, so much so that I had to take a break from watching to collect myself!

“Even when I’m doing something I love… it feels like I’m still wearing them, like it never goes away”

Cal’s story as a non-binary person is very different to mine (and for the record, that doesn’t make either of us any less valid, because there is no singular way to be non-binary). Nonetheless, hearing someone I love as much as I do Gillian Anderson affirm our shared gender nonconformity meant the world. I’m sick of facing transphobia from society, but especially from people that I once considered idols. So knowing that Gillian embraced a role where her character supports trans youth healed something within me. It’s not the first time she’s showed up for our community though - she always makes a point to include non-binary people, for example in her Dear Gillian announcement video. I don’t mean to undermine the real hero of the story here: Dua Saleh, the actor who played Cal - it’s just that I had already formed such a deep connection with Gillian, so it hit me doubly hard from her.

The funeral scene. Just… the funeral scene. I really lost it when Mr Hendricks played With Or Without You on the piano and everyone else joined in.

Other people have spoken about this better, so I won’t get into it as much, but by god, the representation. One example that really struck me was the sex scene between Abbi and Roman at the end, where she said “I love being inside you”. It wasn’t a big deal, their transness was completely normalised.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I loved the Motis ending! Maeve made the right choice going back to America, and long distance relationships are really hard when you have no plans to reunite, so I get why they called it off. Also, relationships at that age don’t usually last, as much as I hate to say it, and yet via Maeve’s letter, the show managed to honour that they can still shape one’s life and be really important.

The bad

If it wasn’t clear, I’m a Jean Milburn stan first and a human second. Unfortunately, I was disappointed in how they handled her storyline this season. Firstly, I’m tired of every single female character on television having an arc that culminates in motherhood. Not knowing who the father was felt like bad writing for Jean specifically, like very out of character, because she’s a sex therapist, so she’s all about safe sex and communication around those things. By no means am I suggesting that they should’ve kept Jakob as a character (if you don’t already know, his actor sexually assaulted hundreds of women which, by the way, was public knowledge before he was ever cast), but they could’ve come up with a better workaround. Maybe I’m biased because Jean is a comfort character of mine, but I wasn’t very pleased with the fact that they didn’t allow her to be happy for a single second this season either! That being said, I do think it’s important that we don’t gloss over the postpartum depression representation here, which could mean so much to so many. I wish they’d brought Maureen in to help Jean though, because their relationship was so special and yet we didn’t see them interact onscreen once this season.

I haven’t heard anyone else mention this, but I was disappointed with how they handled sapphic relationships this season. Not only were Ola and Lily erased entirely, but the writers fucked up the storyline for the only established sapphic couple remaining (Roz and Sofia Marchetti). Like, why was the Big Plot Twist™️ that there was, in fact, a man intimately involved with their family? Our lives don’t have to revolve around men, you know? The show didn’t explicitly acknowledge the fact that genetics to not make a family in my opinion either, because Roz and Sofia’s conversation with Jackson was just about how his biological father was missing out on raising him.

The… mixed? Idk!

I deserve to be sent to horny jail for this, but Jean breastfeeding initially drove me insane. I quickly changed my tune though, because breasts are not inherently sexual and breastfeeding shouldn’t be sexualised, so it makes me feel a bit icky to see people thirsting over that.

I’m not sure how I felt about the development of Adam and Michael’s relationship. On one hand, I thought it was beautiful to see them both grow and reconnect. On the other hand, I was slightly concerned that it was veering into “you have to forgive your abuser” territory. I don’t have parental trauma, so I don’t have the authority to comment, but I’d be interested to hear other people’s perspectives.

I really appreciate how they tried to explore toxic relationships with the introduction of Beau as Viv’s love interest. However, I don’t feel that it was given the weight it deserved, because there was so much else going on.

In summary

I’m not disappointed with how this season turned out overall. Although it definitely wasn’t perfect, I thoroughly enjoyed watching it, and it made me very happy. I do recommend checking trigger warnings before watching it though, because it is a lot darker than previous seasons.

I’d missed this show and these characters more than I’d realised, and I can’t believe I’ll never see them again. It was really hard to say goodbye!

#yes I binged all of season 4 in one day but I was too lazy to post about it until now. love that for me #miscellaneous thoughts:#gillian anderson is a phenomenal actor jsyk #this season is confirmation that ncuti is gonna be an amazing doctor #I may be becoming a hannah waddingham stan what of it #also this is personal so feel free to skip #but I’m so so proud of myself #because this season would have been too triggering for me to watch not long ago #but I’m ✨healing✨ now #sex ed season 4 #sex ed s4 #sex education season 4 #sex education s4 #sex ed spoilers #sex education spoilers #sex education netflix #sex ed netflix

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omg-snakes · 2 months

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What is Okeetee biologically? How does it work and what does it do?

(Also tysm i love your blog you are amazing)

Hiiiiii and thank you and we love you, too!

Okay so Okeetee is a selectively-bred color morph that was discovered at the Okeetee Hunt Club in South Carolina.

Most recognized color morphs in corn snakes, like Amel, are simple recessive traits. That means one gene with two switches (alleles) in the "on" or "off" position.

Both on is called homozygous, and the gene is expressed visually.

One off, one on is called heterozygous, and the snake looks normal or "wild type" but can pass the "on" allele to their offspring.

Both off, homozygous, wild type snake.

Genes code for everything, from the size of a snake's organs to the length of their tail to the amount of pigment on each individual scale, and most of the genetic instructions are minute and subtle. Like, snake A has saddle borders that are the tiniest bit wider than snake B. It's the result of natural variation within a species, just like how a human person and their siblings all look similar but also distinct.

A selectively-bred color morph means not selecting for one single major gene mutation that affects the entire organism, but instead a whole suite of minor genes that do little things, and emphasizing those traits over many generations. That's how most dog and cat breeds were developed and that's how locality morphs like Okeetee work. It's a lot of genes that have been emphasized to create a snake that has the best fitness for their environment and/or the best likelihood of being selected to produce the next generation.

In the case of the Okeetee locality, snakes have high contrast colors, bright reds, and thick black saddle borders. These traits have been emphasized by choosing the highest-contrast snakes with the thickest, darkest borders and breeding those together. The result is a strikingly beautiful snake. By introducing the simple recessive Amel gene with selectively-bred Okeetee, we get Reverse Okeetees with thick white saddle borders and bright oranges.

The issue, however, is that Okeetee is not an on/off genetic mutation like Amel. It's a selectively-bred emphasis on naturally-occurring variation. That means it can be easily diluted if an Okeetee-type is bred to a non-Okeetee-type snake, and there's no heterozygous form of the morph because it's not one gene.

Think like if you had two cups of apple juice that sell for $1 each and you poured half from both cups into a third cup. The third cup is also apple juice, and it's worth $1! But if you have one cup of apple juice and one cup of just water, which is free, and you mix those, the result is a diluted apple drink that's half water. Should you still charge $1 for it? Is that morally ethical? What if you continue to dilute the apple drink, pouring half of what was in the last cup and half water, over and over until it doesn't even smell faintly of apple? At what specific point did this cease to be apple drink, and when do you stop charging a dollar for it? A less scrupulous or uneducated seller might even sell a cup of mostly water for $1 as "het apple juice" when that's not even a thing.

That's what I so frequently see happening with Okeetees and that's why I don't like them. A low-quality Okeetee from a heavily diluted bloodline is just a normal wild-type corn snake, but folks still price them as if they were the real deal, and naïve buyers will pay for the name when they really don't even know what they're looking at.

Again, sorry to the Okeetee fans. You're not wrong for liking a pretty snake, it's just the popularity and the lack of breeding ethics surrounding them that makes my nose wrinkle.

Plus I prefer Sunglow, which is the opposite of Okeetee with no saddle borders, so my opinion is heavily biased.

#snake #snakes #reptile #reptiles #reptiblr #corn snake #corn snakes #corn snake morphs #answers to questions #text post #long post #oh I'm sorry did you want an answer here have a novel #okeetee #Okeetee corn snake #sunglow crew 5eva

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fairuzfan · 3 months

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It's the zionist concern anon again. I will say for now that with what you said about prioritizing Palestinians I do agree. The people going through a genocide are a bigger priority than people who are not going through a genocide. I just fear that due to the fact I am neither Palestinian or Jewish that I may end up embracing stances that I do not actually understand and that innocent people may suffer because of it. I do not want to be irresponsible. I am also someone who lives in a country built on stolen land, so that does to some sort of extent influence my feelings on Isreal as I imagine many people in Isreal share my thoughts on the fact we have lived our entire lives on stolen land. As I said before, I also do not know any Palestinians personally so I find it hard to know who I can ask about the history, Hamas, technical details of politics, etc without risking being taught the wrong things. On a much more selfish note, I also struggle with debilitating mental health issues that make it very difficult to navigate moral issues especially if the moral issues do not impact me on a personal level. So if I am being honest, my questions are not entirely selfless as I have very self-centered fears on if I am actually a horrible person. I thank you again for being so understanding, but I figure the right thing to do here is admit I am likely not as pure intentioned in my questions as I should be when a large factor to why I worked up the courage to ask is in hope I am worrying too much about my quality of moral character from a selfish perspective. Again, I thank you for being so understanding and willing to answer these asks instead of just brushing me off as a horrible zionist.

I don't think you're a horrible person at all I just think everyone has underlying zionist biases because it's a product of the society we live in.

And I do understand where you're coming from, honestly. Something that always helps me is remembering something that my parents taught me as a kid: always stand on the side of the oppressed. Now as I grew up I realized you have to define what oppression means and I think exploring that will also help you get a better understanding of how to combat other forms of racism/antisemitism/transphobia/etc.

If you do want to learn about hamas tho, I would suggest taking a look at Tareq Baconi, he has a lot of writings about the history of Hamas and he's Palestinian. There are also Palestinian podcasts and social media accounts. I understand that not knowing a palestinian personally to help you guide yourself through these things is daunting, but there are plenty of resources to help! It's why I'm here on this blog honestly, I don't mind you reaching out to me for questions or anything.

A good principle to remind ourselves with is "how can I ensure that justice can be had?" And to find the answer to that you need to look into multiple types of antizionist thought. Some blogs I like to check out for a diverse antizionist opinion are @el-shab-hussein and @bringmemyrocks as a couple of examples. Plus I'd look to Black American thinkers on antiracism (like Angela Davis and James Baldwin and Kwame Ture) because they do a good job of showing you how to examine your internal biases which we are all subject to.

I don't think this selfish to want to be a good person. I have the same worries. I actually do get worried that sometimes I'm *actually* a bad person secretly without me realizing and I reach out to friends and family to talk it out. Something that helps me through this is realizing that you have to forgive yourself for previous beliefs you've had and promise yourself to do better because at the end of the day youre human and you make mistakes.

But really my biggest advice is to read and listen to a variety of schools of thought and if you can, interact with local communities dedicated to antiracism. Even if theyre digital communities! That will help a lot with identifying any problem points.

Again, feel free to reach out with any questions. I don't think you're a zionist at all! Please don't worry and thanks for reaching out :)

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nabulsi · 6 months

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what are some misconceptions and/or myths about hamas stuff that people can be aware about? I'm gonna be honest I don't know alot about hamas related stuff and I hear some people on the internet say that they are a horrible terrorist organization that did horrible stuff and then there are some that say that they aren't a terrorist organization and then some say that they are antisemitic because of their old charter and some say they arent because of the 2017 charter, it kinda feels conflicting.

Hello! I am sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days and I've debated how exactly I wanted to answer it because I can admit that I'm not the most knowledgeable about the topic.

I can see that you've already read conflicting accounts about Hamas from others and many different perspectives. All I can do is give you my own perspective, as nuanced as I can. Though, I am speaking as a Palestinian and what the truth is to me, with my experience.

But also, I don't want to do your thinking for you. Please consider my flawed and biased answers and do some research on this yourself.

Are they a terrorist organization?

This depends on who's defining it as a terrorist organization. Hamas is, according to western entities such as the US and the UN, a terrorist organization. It has been recognized as such. However it is also important to keep in mind, who is defining it as a terrorist organization and why they are defining it as such. Remember that the west is comprised of many current and former colonial entities which have an allyship with the current colonial entity of Israel. And, in threatening Israel, Hamas has made itself an enemy of the West. From the Palestinian perspective, Hamas is the government of Gaza. They, and other armed resistance groups operating in the area, are Gazans' first line of defense against Israeli aggression and oppression. Individual Palestinians may have varied opinions on Hamas, what they stand for, and their methods. Of course they are not universally liked--just as a citizen of any other entity may oppose their government. Against Israeli oppression, Palestinians stand together, however. And in my perspective, they are not a terrorist group.

2. Did they do horrible stuff?

That's vague, so I'll try to make it less vague so I can give you some form of answer. There are a few things people have accused Hamas of. Some of the more horrific things have not been verified or confirmed. And some have been retracted and not confirmed. (source / source / source) The big one, though, is did they really kill over 1000 Israelis and take hundreds of hostages? Yeah. Probably. Though Israel has been trying to quash an interview with rescued hostage, Yasmin Porat, who claimed that it is quite possible IDF killed many of the Israeli citizens as they shot indiscriminately at hostages and Hamas alike. And many of the deaths were IDF who are, quite frankly, valid targets. Not to mention, many former hostages have been reporting humane treatment by Hamas. (source / source / source) That's not to say that Hamas does not have blood on their hands. Hamas did at one point, to great condemnation from the Palestinian community, claim they would start executing hostages. To my knowledge, though, they never followed through.

3. Are Hamas antisemitic?

This is like a few questions baked into one. Was the attack on October 7th antisemitic in nature? Definitely not. That was a coordinated and organized operation with the express purpose of striking a blow to Israel as an occupying force and furthering the Palestinian liberation efforts. Hamas did not go in there with the aim of killing Jews. (And remember that the occupiers of Palestinian land ARE Jewish, so it's not like they had non-Jewish targets here.) Is Hamas as an organization antisemitic? Also no. Hamas's old charter was antisemitic. It did not make a distinction between Jewish people and Zionists. The new charter has been rewritten to make that distinction really clearly. I don't see a reason not to believe they are operating under different principles from before, as they are already considered a terror group, not like they're trying to change to "appeal to western sensibilities" If you don't want to take them at their word that's your call. Are the members of Hamas antisemitic? Allah only knows what's in their hearts. But I will answer: No more than anyone else on this Earth. Antisemitism is unfortunately a global issue and exists in every community. Hamas are not exempt from this. That doesn't excuse any antisemitism, but I do want to emphasize, that they're not like... exceptionally antisemitic. Also remember that accusations of antisemitism are constantly being weaponized against Palestinians in general, not just Hamas, so think critically when you see such accusations.

#eugh i hope this was helpful at all?#my worst fear is contributing to more confusion on the topic #hamas #palestine #paptalk

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beautifulpersonpeach · 9 months

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BPP what is your honest view on Jimin biases?

***

A lot of y'all are down bad for that man. Down something horrendous my goodness.

Not that I blame you though.

Btw, I was watching fancams with friends again last night and we played this one:

youtube

How does he move the way he does? /gen. You can see the strength he infuses into every move, down to his fingertips when he dances.

Do you see that form?

(???)

There are many dancers in k-pop who impress me, some I'd place in the best dancers globally, but Jimin is easily the top ranked in nearly every category IMO, no matter the context. He's a real artist. It's not in him to half-ass a performance, no matter his condition. He gives his all and that's something that both inspires and troubles me about him.

I don't even bias him and Jimin induces some insanity in me from time to time. It's just what he is. Nobody who pays attention to him can react normally to him, everyone gets drawn disproportionately to him. Imagine how tiring that must be for him to know sometimes. And no offense to Jimin biases but I genuinely believe you have to be a little bit off kilter to be able to commit to being chosen by him.

Because Jimin is the sort of person you need... space to love.

Jimin is..

Jimin uses whatever misalignment is in you, eases his way into you to fix that offset, remove that imbalance. The way he is... when you fall under his effect it's like he takes up space inside you. As though he deserves and will take nothing less. In my honest opinion that's one way I perceive him. But then you open your eyes and realize the man is the softest marshmallow, a kind and truly measured person with exceptional emotional and practical intelligence. A Slytherin to the bone, a living shape-shifter, so attuned and sensitive to everything.

And he doesn't really demand anything. He's just so loved people want to commit to supporting him. His charismatic idol persona is just as attractive as his naturally shy but mischievous personality off the clock. It really doesn't get much more perfect than this for any celebrity ever.

Like, sometimes I wonder if Jimin goes to bed at night fearing he might one day destroy k-pop. In real practical terms. I wonder if Jimin agonizes over the fact that he's the most dangerous person in the industry. Knowing him, he probably doesn't but it's still something that as I've said before, needs to be said.

(Between you and me, I think he's yet to come to terms with it. Poor lad.)

Anyway, Jimin biases are actually in love with the man and I'd like to present some evidence both as a self-confession, and in support.

Exhibits

(...)

(Do you remember where you were the first time you noticed he has a dimple?)

(His look for this shoot is criminally underrated. He had easily the best chic styling for any idol in 2021.)

(Orange, yellow, and bright mustard are all good colours on him.)

(Yeah.... he's something else.)

Alright, now that I've answered this one, that's enough of the Jimin bias asks for now. I'll be ignoring all the rest for the next while.

Remember to keep streaming. :)

#jimin #park jimin #bts #bangtan

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pianostarinwonderland · 4 months

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I'm curious do you think that it's possible to have a healthy relationship with Azul??

I've been reading a lot of Azul x reader fanfics and they're all Nice and all, but it also got me thinking of an actual healthy relationship with Azul Coul be possible? since you know he has a lot of issues and since your a Azul Stan and you seem to know him quite well, do you think it's possible??

OOOOOOH rubs hands gleefully I love this ask holy shit

So I'm going to start this by saying that a lot of this is my opinion, and it's one that's formed by not just how I read Azul but also by experiences I've gone through with relationships, both romantic and platonic. I'll try to give an essay that's as close to his character as possible, but this is already written with biases.

So anyway, the short answer to this is: Yes. I believe you can have a healthy relationship with Azul. But it's going to take a fucking long time till you even get there, and you really have to prove that you're not only a good friend to begin with, but someone trustworthy and someone with a dash of Fucked Up to understand him.

The long answer?

One of the first things about Azul that must be understood when you write him in a romantic setting is that his view on relationships is damaged. And I mean that with italics. It's not exactly a secret with his transactional mindset. He follows the give and take policy, contract or no contract. The best example you'll see of this is his PE Uniform story, with how he didn't want Jamil to give him flying lessons, not until Jamil asked for a price. He's not into gifts either, because he'd give something back to you anyway, which you see in his first Valentine's letter.

But if we dig deeper, this also may stem from his home environment and past bullying.

Starting with the home environment, his parents divorced. It must have left an impression on him, all the more if there were arguments in the household. First impressions last, and there may always be that little reminder in his head that many relationships can fall apart, even with an official contract in place.

Then the nature of Coral Sea and his past with bullying. Jade in his Platinum Jacket story (TL by mysteryshoptls) narrates a time when some sharks didn't fulfill their promises to him.

Jade: I wouldn’t say that… Back in the ocean, there were a few sharks that had refused to honor their promises. As I was entreating them to fulfill their duty, they all decided to bilk their promise altogether.

Coral Sea doesn't seem to be a very friendly environment, at least in the perspectives of the Octavinelle trio. They also seem to be discriminated against, with Azul's being pretty obvious and the tweels more on the speculation side. Thus, Azul was prone to that sort of unfriendliness and even betrayal. It wouldn't be surprising if some merfolk or animals did the same thing that the sharks did to Jade.

Overall, Azul's relationship with... relationships is not exactly healthy due to the circumstances he grew up with, and that has to be taken note of.

However, I do believe that Azul wants to connect with someone deeply. And it's probably one of his biggest yearnings. It seems ironic that he being so guarded and transactional with people would yearn for such a connection. But honestly, it's the very guarded people who desire that kind of relationship the most. It's tiring to carry your guard up all the time. Wouldn't it be great for once to have a relationship where you just don't have to keep it up anymore?

I think there's reason to believe that Azul is hopeful for such a connection to enter his life too. His mom found a second man, and from the few stories that he shared of his family, she and her new partner seem to be doing really well. Azul calls him 'father', and has described him to be kind and sensitive. And their relationship is likely to have started when Azul was still very young, if we assume that the restaurant boomed in business during his mom's second relationship. So Azul may have witnessed his mom's divorce really young, but he also saw early on that there can be a relationship that thrives with the right person.

To a big extent, you'll see this desire he has to have a deep connection with people in canon. An obvious but still notable one is Azul and his relationship with Jade and Floyd. A big part of his OB had to do with the two of them not following him and Floyd calling him lame. The Octavinelle CM exhibits this attachment he has to them as well. In Jade's Platinum story, Jade says he occasionally gives Azul coins. In Floyd's Lab card lines, he states that he'd give Azul shiny things on occasion. They both give Azul these gifts, and there's no hint that Azul gives them something in return, which is unlike his usual principle of give and exchange.

Outside of the twins, you also can see that it is possible to get Azul to be comfortable with someone. Book 6 showcases this at the end of the Riddle-Azul tower, when Azul fell asleep on Riddle's shoulder. This is after clearing their huge misunderstanding about why Riddle is often shielding Azul. Azul thought Riddle was underestimating his strength, but his reason for shielding Azul is just so he wouldn't have to treat a mer without a license or he'd be breaking the law. And it's so Riddle coded that Azul easily took it as the truth and saw that Riddle was really looking out for him. The progression of trust being built in this case seems pretty quick, sure, but it has to be noted too that Azul knew Riddle for more than a year at this point. They're both some of the top scorers in their year level, and they're fellow dorm leaders who have worked together. And Azul definitely knows Riddle's honesty and strict adherence with all kinds of rules, so it helps him trust Riddle more.

Honesty is not the only thing that Azul needs, though. He likely wants to connect with someone who's got that brand of fucked up like him. And this is where I bring up his dynamic with Jamil.

For this part, I'd like to link this wonderful thread made by @/kennae_bae because it highlights a few things I want to discuss here. This thread is mainly in the light of Azul/Jamil, but it goes into the need for connection that they both have as individuals. Of course, for the purposes of this essay, we mainly focus on Azul.

To an extent, Azul's view on Jamil gives us an idea of what he does when he wants to connect with certain folks. Firstly, it's seen in how he likes to approach Jamil a lot more so than other characters. He's offered on more than one occasion for Jamil to transfer to Octavinelle, which the thread has elaborated on. Even though he sees benefit in getting closer to other characters like Malleus (which has been shown in both Halloween Azul and Lab Sebek vignettes), he gives this offer to Jamil because he knows his potential. Azul is the type to see the strengths and potential of most people, and usually, he'd either see use for it or simply comment and do nothing with it if there's no benefit. But Jamil is different; it's true that if Azul just wants him to work at the lounge, he'd be much more forward with it and name a price. However, by wanting Jamil to join Octavinelle, and thus work together with him, Azul is also implying that he wants Jamil in a closer circle of friends.

But that's just one small part of it. I think the part that really shows his yearning to connect with someone like Jamil is in Book 4-34, when Azul gives his own thoughts about the situation between Kalim and Jamil:

Azul: The things you say out of unwavering faith in others will rub people like Jamil or I the wrong way. Rather, to those who live their lives on a budget, it sounds like condescending sarcasm. (TL by shel_bb)

Notice how Azul mentions himself along with Jamil in that one sentence. In that line alone, it sounds like he's connecting himself with Jamil because he feels that they are similar. And that acts as reassurance to Azul, that there's someone else (outside of Jade and Floyd) that could understand his pains.

However, having similar traumas and everything isn't a huge requirement to get to connect with Azul. If it was, he definitely would have let Jamil teach him flying in his PE story. But if he can at least see that you can understand the things he goes through (and maybe even empathize just slightly), it definitely opens up gates to having a deeper relationship with him.

Now okay, we really just covered one half and a bit of the question: is a relationship with Azul possible? Yes. But now we have to address the other half: the healthy relationship part.

To which case, I would say yes. I think the longevity of his relationship with Jade and Floyd is already a testament to this in some way, and all three of them have stayed together in spite of his overblot.

Now this is definitely biased, but I believe a glimpse of a possible healthy relationship with Azul can be found in Book 3-38. After everything that had transpired, Azul goes to return the photo to the Atlantica museum. And I believe most of you reading this will know this conversation.

Azul: I thought that if I could erase all the photos from my past, my time spent being bullied as a "dumb clumsy octopus" would vanish with them. The Sea Witch never hid her dark past but faced it and worked to overwrite her reputation. I kept saying I wanted to be like her, but... in the end, I couldn't accept who I was and tried to act like it never happened. (TL by shel_bb)

In this segment, we have Azul becoming vulnerable to us about his feelings. And I think this is important to bring up because (1) most of the OB characters do not get this vulnerable about their feelings post-OB (aside from Vil, who even then had a professional front when he apologized to the NRC Tribe), and (2) you just don't get Azul sharing something so vulnerable very often. He usually keeps his feelings unsaid so that people don't potentially use them against him. Yet there he is, admitting to you the reason why he wanted the photo he made you steal. And then Yuu reassures him and compliments him, to which Azul responds with:

Azul: My... hard work? Pfft. There is no need for you to flatter me. I only wanted to get back at those who had made fun of me for so long.

And that's all said with a smile. He's happy to get those compliments. =w=

But to cap it off, a healthy relationship with Azul means that it's a relationship where he can let himself be vulnerable to the other person. It is definitely huge bonus points if the other is not only trustworthy but also someone that can understand him somehow.

However, it definitely still takes him a lot of time, especially with how much he goes through. I think that's why you really have to prioritize friendship in order to have a healthy relationship with him. Being able to have a good lasting friendship with Azul would let him trust that you'd be a great partner in life. It definitely will take years, but when you can connect and be open and honest together, a healthy relationship with Azul is possible.

#twisted wonderland #twst #azul ashengrotto #ask

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