I think what people need to understand about being abused is victims aren’t supposed to be what you expect them to be; they aren’t supposed to be perfect little angels. There are times during the abuse, where, if there was a minor annoyance in the room completely unrelated to my abuser abusing me, I’d lash out horrifically and loudly at my abuser for an annoyance; that, say for instance if I wasn’t with an abuser or being abused during those times and that same annoyance popped up, I wouldn’t have lashed out at all but if I did I’d be the abuser. To back that up, I’ve been annoyed plenty of times around non-abusive people and never raged at them for it. Why did I react like that with my abusers if that particular thing wasn’t abusing me, if that specific thing wasn’t even remotely harmful? Amber Heard did the same thing from the 18 hours of audio I listened to; I related a lot to her lashing out. Looking at my relationships to my abusers, they all abused me first before all that aggression started popping up later on which is what we obviously call reactive abuse. And then the gaslighting follows immediately after. I decided to make this post bc I was reminded of a particular event with my abusers where this happened and I remembered feeling awful that I didn’t handle it better but could you blame me? No, because I was in the midst of their constant abuse, I wasn’t well nor was I listened to.
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An Open Letter in Support of Amber Heard
Five months ago, the verdict in the defamation trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard deeply concerned many professionals in the fields of intimate partner and sexual violence.
As many, including A.O. Scott for The New York Times have noted, the vilification of Ms. Heard and ongoing online harassment of her and those who have voiced support for her have been unprecedented in both vitriol and scale.
Much of this harassment was fueled by disinformation, misogyny, biphobia, and a monetized social media environment where a woman’s allegations of domestic violence and sexual assault were mocked for entertainment. The same disinformation and victim-blaming tropes are now being used against others who have alleged abuse.
In our opinion, the Depp v. Heard verdict and continued discourse around it indicate a fundamental misunderstanding of intimate partner and sexual violence and how survivors respond to it. The damaging consequences of the spread of this misinformation are incalculable. We have grave concerns about the rising misuse of defamation suits to threaten and silence survivors.
We condemn the public shaming of Amber Heard and join in support of her. We support the ability of all to report intimate partner and sexual violence free of harassment and intimidation.
(Check out https://amberopenletter.com/ to see the 130+ experts supporting Amber!)
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