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seeds-and-sins · 3 years

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Right Time, Wrong Place.

Pairing: John Seed x Reader

Rating: M (SMUT!! & Language)

Description: You take over John Seed’s ranch, have some me time in his bed, only to find that he was watching the whole thing on his secret security cameras.

Tagged: @ivyluv

You had wanted revenge and you were determined to get it. It was as simple as that. Granted capturing John Seed's Ranch was just another box ticked for the resistance effort's chances of winning back Hope County, but for you? it was personal. The man stuffed you in a chair, tortured your best friend, and threatened to cut into your skin. To make matters worse, he looked like a whole damn meal while doing it. Speaking to you in that sinfully deep and rumbling tone that made you wet beyond imagine. Fuck that son of a bitch. Whoever stuffs you in a chair, tortures your friend, and threatens to cut you, loses their ranch. That's the deal, and it's final.

His response:

So. You've taken my home in the name of your little "Resistance." Ah, if those walls could talk... well, more accurately scream... Just know that I will get it back - sooner or later. And when I do, maybe I'll hang your skin as a trophy above the mantle.

You raided John's secret wine cellar later that day, laughing your ass off over the recollection of irritation in John's voice. All it took was a little push to send the man snapping into rage and oblivion.

You invaded all of John's privacy; following the wine cellar, came his office, following the office, came his kitchen, and then his own room. Everything was so neat and organized, the man didn't have one thing out of place. It was a testament in comparison to his unruly image when he would lose a few screws in agitation. His clothes were folded to perfection, placed into his drawers by color, style, or brand. For the clothes that weren't in his drawers, they were in his walk in closet; Gucci, Calvin Klein, Tom Ford O'Conner, and Brioni. The man was a walking advertisement, from his sunglasses to his shoes. You were certain that the outfit you had seen him in last costed about the same as your car in total. And now you had full access to everything...

"What the FUCK is she doing?!" John fumed, pacing back and forth in front of security monitors that lined the wall of his bunker office.

"Sir, we are doing everything we can-"

"Get out!" He demanded, bloodshot eyes settling on the screen, sweat beading down his forehead, as he watched you demolish his personal space. The bunker door shut behind him with an audible plank and he sunk back into a leather seat with a sigh of exasperation. You were driving him absolutely crazy: waltzing around his home as if it was your own, with his most expensive bottle of chardonnay no less.

You were throwing pictures off the walls, moving furniture around, and wrecking his entire wardrobe with your slimey fingers. He was under distress simply watching it all unfold before his eyes, the massacre, the trauma, his beloved ranch was being destroyed. What would Joseph think of him right now? So distraught over the material pleasures that he had collected for himself over the years. They were really all he had anymore, aside from his family and the project. You were disrespecting him, but it's not like you hadn't before. Countless times you had undermined him for the sake of your little act as hero, nothing he hadn't gotten used to these past few weeks. He enjoyed the game of cat and mouse, the playful chase, but this? This was personal...

*Uh yeah so, Sharky and I are having a big bonfire out by the henbane. Some of the others will be there, you coming?*

"No thanks, Hurk..." You replied with a proud smile on your lips, fiddling with the many cologne bottles that flooded John's dresser. "I think I'll stay here. I'm enjoying myself."

*Well, that's-* Hurk was interrupted on the other end by the familiar voice of a pyromaniac on steroids. *Is that the deputy?! Tell her to get her ass over here, now, so we can start this party.* There was minor shuffling on the other end, the radio clicked out a few times as if it was being wrestled for. *Give it, man!-Stop that!* You chuckled at the image of Hurk and Sharky fighting over a walkie talkie in the middle of the batshit woods. You laughed at what Hurk Sr. was probably thinking of the whole ordeal as he watched from his porch.

"Alright boys, well, I'm staying here for the night so, catch ya' later." You immediately switched the frequency, dropping it down onto the dresser. You collected the bottle of wine you had discarded in John's wardrobe, taking long gulps of it as you took note of his belongings. The entire place smelled like him, you had only caught a whiff when he was devastatingly close to when you were captive, but it was enough to recognize the hints of sharp Dior, new shoes, and rose. The man was a sin in the flesh and he knew it all too well, recruiting to the cult hundreds of people that most certainly lusted after him in private. He would have had a hold on you if he hadn't had been pressing a scalpel to your throat, or sending off a bunch of red flags with that psychotic glimmer in his eyes.

You could imagine though, fuel your darkest desires and daydreams as you stormed his castle. The wine helped, you had gone through half of the bottle as you adventured and you were starting to feel its effects. In your dreams, John was your lover. He was still a lawyer with the same successful edge and fortune to boot. He wasn't a crazy lunatic, following a bunch of other crazy lunatics. He was a man that fought for true justice, just as you had. And now, you were waiting for him to come home. You nearly dropped the bottle in your intense reverie. You carried the bottle into John's giant bathroom, you placed it on the edge of the tub, and turned the water on.

The grime stuck to you from the days events; the mud had caked on, gunpowder dusting your face, and blisters, cuts and bruises, scattered across your body. For a moment, it brought you back into the harsh reality that you were in a war zone. That John was a dangerous man and that you were utilizing his home like some sort of fun house. You shook the thoughts of blood and violence from your mind, derobing yourself of the dirty clothes and weapons that hung from you. When the water was shallow enough, you turned it off, dropping one of John's assorted bath bombs into it and waiting a few seconds for the soap to take. You couldn't remember the last time you had taken a bath and John's bathtub was about the size of a hottub.

You were in the bliss, the warm water engulfed your aching muscles and damaged flesh without hesitation, welcoming you into a trance of tranquility and calm. No bullets. No explosions. No expectations. Just you and this bath. Your mind wandered again as you rested in the lapping liquid, dirt and all sorts of substances leaving you like a weight being lifted off your chest. You could fantasize about John again, get back into the dream world you had created for yourself as you explored his home-correction; As you waited for John Seed to come home from his job as Hope County's trustworthy, kind, and loving lawyer.

You lathered yourself with all sorts of special products that John kept perched on the tub's edge. You took fluid swigs from the nearly empty bottle of wine every now and again, until you decided you were clean enough. John could be home any minute after all. You stepped out of the tub, pulled the plug on the drain, and left the bathroom into the closet again. Not without what was left of the wine, of course. He would want to see you in something appealing on the eyes, something that would tease him and draw him in from a long day of exhausting work. You could massage his taut shoulders, fingers moving down over those rippling muscles.

You settled for an expensive silk blue button up, no need for underwear with no one around. The button up was slightly open at the top, not that you'd be expecting any company-aside from John, that was. You flicked the light off and the room cascaded in darkness, aside from the moonlight that drew in through the blinds. John would enjoy seeing you like this. You jumped onto the bed; so big and comfy. The pillows seemed to swallow you with their fluff, douvet and all, tracing along your curves and exposed thighs. You adjusted so that your head was propped back and you were comfy, legs parted as you closed your eyes and sunk further into the dream you had created.

If John was normal, he would be gentle and soft. He would run his fingers down you when he arrived upon your shared bedroom. He would whisper sweet nothings into your ear as his dirty hands came over every bit of flesh on your body. He would seek your pleasure first, attend to your needs and wants, because you would look, Oh, so sinful. It was almost like you could hear his voice in your mind. He wasn't yelling at you. He was whispering to you, begging for everything that your body could give him. He would praise you like the God he worshipped, settle on his prayer voice when he spoke to you and made the filthiest promises.

You want me to do this to you, don't you? Touch you like this? Spread you like this?

"Yes," You mewed, you wanted him so bad. "Please."

...

"Dear, sweet mother of-" John choked out, face nearly sinking straight through the computer screen and he leaned in as close as was possible. He was so close that the static was barely electrifying the thick hairs of his beard. "Fuck me." He was straining in his jeans watching you get so comfy in his home. He wished he could hear you, cursing himself for not having installed more advanced cameras, as Jacob had suggested months ago. Thank the lord, they were hidden from sight. Thank the lord, that he had the opportunity to see you so vulnerable.

He bit his bottom lip nervously. What would Joseph say? Giving into sin like a moth to the flame. His eyes flitted over to the walkie talkie that sat on the desk. It was begging to be used, begging for John to do something that was reckless and sinful and dirty and everything he could be punished for if he tried. He groaned as he watched your hand finally reach its destination, your eyelids fluttering shut as you rubbing gently along your folds. The black and grey could only give away so much in this darkness. The night vision feature only worked to such an extent. Even so, John couldn't tear his eyes away. You were in HIS bed, in HIS clothes, after taking a bath with products that smelled like HIM. You were practically his at this point. All his.

...

You were so close, thinking about John, about his fingers on you, about his cock inside of you, about his lips passing over every deeply intimate spot on your body. You could feel the edge coming for you, as his scent penetrated you, as you felt the silk of his shirt against your nipples. You cried out, so close.

"Oh, John, fuck." You were alone, filled with careless abandon, delving deeper into this madness that was him. You were a second away from the most explosive orgasm you had had in weeks.

*Deputy...* You paused, feeling a cold sweat fall over you at the coo. Your eyebrows furrowed as you sat up on your elbows, eyes landing on the discard walkie talkie that you had left behind on the dresser. You worried at your bottom lip in frustration. You were so fucking close. *I know you are there. Speak to me.* You should ignore him. But how could anyone ignore John when he sounded like that; desperate, disheveled, and hot. He sounded of so hot and sweet. You dropped back into the pillow with a grunt, thinking that you could turn the radio off and be through with these constant disturbances. *Please.* Desperate, disheveled, hot. So, hot.

In one swoop, you jumped off the bed and attained the radio. You drew it up to your lips with a huff, fists clenched from the sheer rage that was building in you.

"What the fuck do you want, John? If this isn't about the negotiated release of Hudson, then I don't want anything to do with you." You waited for John's response, as it was suddenly very quiet on his end. Usually he spoke more, teased you more, threatened you more. Heck, just earlier he said he would get you back.

*This isn't about that.* His tone was of venom and annoyance now, which only sought to make you more irritated.

"Then, I don't see there being any reason to continue talking with you."

*Wait!* He sounded strained, as if she had broken him. *I can think of a few reasons.* Of course, he wants his house back. Poor fellow. You rushed and plopped back down onto the bed, a bright grin appearing on your lips.

"Oh John, Oh John," You taunted, feeling like you should run a victory lap for your achievement. Instead, you enveloped yourself in all of John's wealth and money. "Have I affected you in some kind of way?" Silence. "Little ole'me, in your home, all comfy in your bed, using your things. Sounds like I have gotten to you." The strangled groan that was relayed over the radio went straight between your legs. You had heard John groan out his irritation before and although this sounded slightly different, you hadn't thought anything of it. It wouldn't hurt to continue what you were doing before John's interruption. God knows you were still so close, thinking about him. He didn't need to know.

*You must have it all wrong, Deputy. The idea of you taking pleasure in my belongings brings a smile to my face.* The playful back and forth was a favorite of yours, you wouldn't lie. You never quite had the same interactions as you did with Jacob and Faith, both of whom would often ignore your jests completely. John reacted, he would give you his utter attention everytime you entered his region. You bathed in that sort of acknowledgement. You were now on the path of admitting that it kind of got you off; hearing his frustrations, hearing him coo, hearing him reciprocate every remark you gave him.

He liked it too. You knew he liked it.

"I'm such a bad sinner, aren't I?" You closed your eyes, free hand now coming down to the place you needed it most. A new fantasy had taken root, of John pleasuring himself as he spoke to you, getting off on your voice, off on his fantasies of you. On any other night, you couldn't imagine him breaking Joseph's rules to do such a thing. But tonight you wanted to imagine everything about John. He would be fisting his cock to the sound of you disobeying him at every turn, speaking into the radio, every word you spoke he clung to like a last breath. Tonight, you imagined him doing this: being sinful and breaking the rules in your honor. He would be relieving the tension that plagued you both for so long in his mind. He was no longer the sweet and gentle husband, coming home from work. He was the filthy, dirty, lusty lawyer that was your enemy; grasping for a chance to get you alone, so he could have you to himself.

*I should punish you...* You moaned at the pit of your throat, making sure he couldn't hear by removing your finger from the button. You were going to cum to the sound of John's voice and he didn't even know it. It was mildly empowering, feverish, and naughty, all at the same time. *I should tie you down and make you pay for all the wrongs you've committed. Make you confess all of your deepest, darkest secrets.*

"Oh, fuck." You heaved out, not having expected him to blindly play into this raunchy game of yours. The image of him, drowning in your conversations over the radio, as he milked his thick cock, flooded your mind. His button-up would be fully undone to reveal the mess of sweaty abs and tattoos across his torso. His hair would be falling out of its gelled, angelic perfection as strands drifted across his half-lidded eyes. The veins in his forearms would be bulging as he utilized his strength to work at the stress you caused him, in the form of a hard erection. You swore you heard him release some sort of sound from the other side of the radio. You hadn't quite been in the right state of mind to respond, but you were desperate to keep him talking.

"Tell me, John. You make all these promises and you don't keep them." You hadn't expected your words to come out so smoothly, what with your fingers now penetrating you just the way you liked. "If you wanted to punish me so bad, tie me down and make me confess, then you'd have me right this very second."

*I could, Deputy.* He shot out, all breathless and choppy. It only made your imagination run even wilder, that he might be doing what you were thinking he would doing. But he couldn't really be doing that, could he? *All I need to do is say one word and I can have you yanked from my bed in no time.* The thought of him sending in a team to come fetch you was about to do you in. The though of him wasting resources, time and energy, all so that he could alleviate his personal desires. You were about to cum so hard for him, so hard just by listening to his every word. You thought it was over, like his radio would go silent and that would be the end of it all. *But I much prefer it this way...* There was a hint of something deeply sinister in the low growl he spoke in. You wanted more of it, more of him. Your back arched up, and your finger slid over the button unbeknownst to you. He could hear the spill of moans and cries that were building up to the ultimate fall over the peak you had been climbing toward. And then he kept talking. *Seeing you all spread out for me, wearing my shirt, pleasing yourself to the thought of me fucking you into that mattress. Oh-ho-ho, Deputy~ You are so beautiful, when you are vulnerable.* He moaned each word with promise. You could hardly hear him groaning and sputtering out curses over the radio as you came on your fingers. You hadn't yet truly realized the sincerity of his words and the trouble that came with them. You were so lost to pleasure and the ecstasy that flowed through your body. The images of John's cum falling onto his sweaty stomach as his body rose and fell with each painful breath. The thought of him losing himself to you in the night, as you spoke to one another, shrouded in darkness, with only yourselves to know of the sins that occurred.

You waited a few minutes, attempting to catch your breath and yourself, coming down from the high that your body had been craving for so long. It was only then, as you had once been blissfully ignorant of the gravity of your situation, that your body jolted up.

But I prefer it this way, seeing you all spread out for me, wearing my shirt, pleasing yourself to the thought of me fucking you into that mattress...

Oh shit. You fucked up. Your eyes nervously searched the room, even in the darkness, what was there to see. The radio still in hand, you sprinted into the closet and shoved yourself under a set of John's hanging clothes. What were you doing?! Oh shit! You need to run! You need to grab your clothes and your weapons and you need to get out of here. Quick! What did you do?! He saw everything.

Oh-ho-ho, Deputy. You are so beautiful, when you are vulnerable.

*Oh, Deputy~* He sung with a light chuckle lilting the edge of his name for you. You felt a stain in your chest, of embarrassment, of guilt, of a diminishing pride and self-esteem. *There's no reason to be so shy all of a sudden.* Your forehead hit the palm of your hand.

You needed to react, get the fuck out of dodge, never come to the valley ever again. Nick and Mary and the Pastor had control over the situation, you could just fucking disappear. Why don't you jump into a void? Never return to Hope County even. Just leave forever. Did they make spaceships for extremely scarred and embarrassed common folk who wanted to get the hell off earth? Note to self, ask Hurk if he knows any aliens that could catch you a ride to the nearest infinity away from here. Fuck yourself. Fuck this. Fuck.

You hadn't even realized that John was still talking.

*Because I like you so much, I will even consider this an official confession. Wrath AND Lust.* You could hear the sickening grin of satisfaction. *Who would have thought that my little Deputy was so...* You were so unbelievably fucked. *Sinful?* Gunshots started to sound nearby, coming from outside the ranch, where resistance fighters had gathered to guard the newly acquired outpost. *I know I'm asking too much of you, my darling.* Your jaw dropped at the kindred and sweet way in which he spot the new pet name. *Just rest for now. You must be exhausted from the day's events.* You needed to get out of here, but you couldn't bring yourself to move. You were frozen with a whole course of unsettling emotions. *It's not easy to carry the entirety of a pathetic resistance effort on your shoulders.* And he sounded so loving, so tender, you had never in a thousand years thought you would ever hear John speak to you in such a way. *Don't worry, I will be home shortly.*

Return to Prompts

#john seed x reader #reader #farcry 5 #faith seed #jacob seed #john seed #joseph seed #john seed's ranch #resistance #the project #edens gate #mutual pining

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multipandombabe · 4 years

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A Nate Jacobs Blurb part 2

A/N: Here it is! The long awaited part 2 I’ve had so many of you ask for lol. I want to mention before reading that the opening scene takes place after an hour or two into the party scene and kinda just opens up on a random scene. I didn’t feel like there was any real need to make this super long as I only wrote the most definitive moment for these characters to carry the storyline along.

I hope to continue this story as I do have many ideas but anything I post will probably just continue to be written as installments such as this and the one previous to it, as I don’t want it to be my main line of work. I’m always coming up with new ideas and I don’t like simply having one on the forefront as it places to much pressure on writing.

Regardless I hope you enjoy!

a disclaimer: If you have seen the show Euphoria you know what the character Nate Jacobs is like and what he’s done. This is not me condoning the actions of this character--in fact, I urge you to view him as the bad guy he is when reading this. That’s how I wrote it, that’s what I wanted to portray because I’ve yet to write a character as such. Though his actions may not come off as terrible when reading this remember who he is written as and try and read it in that way.

WARNINGS: alluded sexual assault, foul language

The crystalize haze taking over her entire perception of reality right now was almost near blinding to what was happening. The alcohol and whatever that asshole had slipped into her drink had truly and officially taken its toll on her physical being, her vision and balance being hit the worst. Her body laid skewed across the pile of blankets and sheets, having little to no strength to even shuffle through them and find her way up.

She couldn’t determine though if that was solely for the obvious roofie or also from the shock of watching Nate barge into the room—practically snapping the door off it’s hinges, and ripping Chris from atop of her before (with a speed she had never witnessed in her life) wrestling him out the door and down the hallway.

Through it all though and the now busted open door she was able to make out the figures of everyone still filling the living room from her placement on the guest bed, the energy to move no longer permitted in her body but simply her eyes which watched with as much intent as they could muster up.

There was yelling, screaming, and a series of other loud noises, all echoing back to her a million times louder than they probably actually were. Figures moved in flashes and the lights burned into her skull as they danced across the catastrophe spilling all over Elias’ parents’ living room wood. Her hands were on her temples before she could even feel them, body making the intent of covering her ears to attempt to silence all the overstimulation.

Bleary eyed she breathed a deep sigh and tried to find herself, but that moment being ripped away as another set of yelling broke out, the shrills emitted from Nate himself.

He was in the dead center of it all, hands (from what she could tell) wrapped around the throat of Chris Daniel’s as he looked to be throwing him to the floor. Followed by more commotion, a body hitting the floor—it looked to give the tall brunette new access to whomever’s torso, as he barreled his foot into it repeatedly.

If only she wasn’t swimming her own vision, her own thoughts, maybe then she could truly make it all out. But the way that pill made her skin ripple over her bones and her own brain pound its way out of her skull was too much, focus was lost on her.

Before she even had a choice to say or do otherwise her eyes slipped closed and she sunk into the abyss of her body again.

Though she was nearing unconsciousness her ears pricked up at the sound of approaching footsteps. They were distinctively heavy and almost mismatched—like the person was stumbling over their own two feet.

Crossing the carpet until they were near her own body she could hear mumbling above her.

“God dammit.”

Even in her current state she could recognize that voice, the one that belonged to the person who was just moments ago beating the life out of someone. Nate.

“Look at you.” He whispered.

The feelings of hands along the sides of her hips heightened her senses for a split second, a whine rolling from the back of her lips as to protest.

“Shh shh shh, it’s okay it’s okay.” The fingertips grasped at the length of her dress and slowly they pulled it back down-- the whole movement now familiar to a piece of her memory somewhere in the back of her mind, “You’re okay I promise.”

There was a brush of her hair out of her face, the touch cascading down her face to her shoulders where she could make little notice of her sleeves being pulled back up.

Within seconds the same arms were now wrapped around her form and she was being lifted from the bed. The rocking of her motionless figure was the only distinctive thing she was able to recognize before sleep finally took her under in one vast swoop of both of her eyes shutting close. —————————

(POV SWITCH)

Swaying gently back and forth on his feet Nate turned the hall into her bedroom, careful to watch her head as he shuffled through the door.

The memories of their infamous night flooded back to him instantly, but now as he carried her unconscious body to her bed, he was able to take in the details surrounding them. Her room was a light shade of blue, decorated with huge posters starring various artists and movie stars.

It triggered a memory from a month or so ago. Sat around a lunch table only one over from her own he could vividly remember overhearing her and April Denavive discussing that Timothée Chalamet kid and how Y/N had such an affinity for him.

”He was so incredible in Little Women, I swear I’d give anything to just hold his hand or something.” Nate from his seat could see that her rambles caused April to snort into her fruit cup, the red head shaking her head at her friend.

”God Y/N you’re such a virgin.”

She made sure to swat at April’s arm, poking her finger into her side for sure measure, ”Oh fuck off.”

April laughed aloud once more as she pushed back before managing to maneuver her arms around her friend, squeezing her in a tight embrace before pressing kisses to her cheeks.

”No no no, it’s cute!” She gushed, “It’s cute how much you want to fuck that French boy but can’t work up the nerve to say it.”

”April! God--He’s American his dad is just French--oh you know what never mind I hate you.” “N-Nate?”

Returning back to reality Nate was almost startled at the sound of another voice, completely forgetting where he was for a moment. Drawing his eyes downward he found himself back in Y/N’s room, still hovering over her side.

“Shh,” he cooed, fingers tangling in the ends of her hair as he brushed them off of her forehead, admiring the array of glitter from her eyeshadow decorating her skin. It made her shine even brighter than how he always saw her. “You’re safe now..sleep.”

She rustled amongst her blankets, nose curling and eyebrows furrowing as she struggled, a huff following.

“What’s wrong?” He questioned, instantly taking notice of her discomfort. She whined innocently, sitting herself up with her eyes still wired shut and began to tug at the sleeves of her dress.

“Itchy,” She breathed another huff as she tore at the seems, “Need it...off.”

Nate’s entire demeanor shifted. He watched her meticulously as she pulled at the material until it was up and over her chest—but the poor drunk girl seemed to lose all momentum as her arms suddenly dropped, the dress now a mess sagging off of her neck.

Another shrill moan echoed from Y/N, not having the energy to pull the rest of the dress off and expressing her frustrations. Nate waved her off.

“Shush, I’ve got it.” Reaching forward he pulled the rest of the dress up and off of her figure, careful to not get her earrings or hair caught, before tossing it to the side just shy of her hamper he noticed upon entrance into her room.

A deep, noticeable breath expelled from her lungs before she fell back amongst the pillows, body now severely bare to Nate—the only thing keeping her covered being her bra with a pair of matching panties around her hips.

It was pink, the bra, lace yet exuded softness with its subtle tone of color and petite bow in the middle to add a touch of innocence. Her underwear resonated in the same way; they were different than Nate had pictured when his fingers grasped at them earlier that night. He was expecting something more revealing as was common with most girls at parties like that, or in high school in general. But they weren’t—they were form fitting, far from raunchy and bore a soft pink hue like her bra, which was different than the deep red he once imagined.

And it all looked so right on her.

Y/N had seemed to finally settle in her sheets, sleep overtaking her whole figure as she noticeably sank deeper into the mattress. Nate took that as his moment to breathe in, truly, the sight before him.

His eyes nearly followed her every move with adamancy, in an effort to note every singular detail possibly manufactured by her sleeping frame that he could then later remember at his pleasing.

“You are so,” his fingers traced down the length of her arm, watching as the touch triggered a wave of goosebumps even as she was unconscious; He smiled, “Perfect.”

Drawing back he grasped at the blanket before tugging it up and over her body, covering her up to her chest. Tucking in the sides of the cover to her skin he rustled them until he deemed her absolutely comfortable and then took his place at the flank of her bed once more.

“And you are all mine.” -------------------------

A/N: Hope you enjoyed, send requests for more if you liked!

#nate jacobs #nate jacobs x reader #euphoria #nate jacobs imagine #I literally didn’t proof read this at all so I apologize in advance lmao

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bones-and-tomes · 3 years

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Empty Crib

Celine wakes up in a strange room but all that matters is finding her daughter. She can hear her crying.

(This is a rewrite of a nearly four year old fic. I wrote the first one when I was nearly dying, but this series has brought so much light to my life so I wanted to go back and give it a reshine. I meet my long term partner (@darkiplurrr who edited this) and a best friend of mine (@blaiddthewolf) through the first soooo yeah! Its near and dear to my heart. The old fic is titled Nightmare and its still up. You can find it here Tell me what ya'll think of this!)

Celine woke to the sound of her daughter’s cries.

Normally she would be on her feet in an instant, but . . . Evelyn had woken her up every night this week and it was starting to wear on the young mother. She didn’t know if she had it in her to get up when the bed was so warm. Celine curled inwardly, groaning softly as the screams continued. She couldn’t be too upset at her child though, after all, Evelyn was only a few months old.

She reasoned that she’d just have William check on her, she’d done it often enough that surely he wouldn’t refuse. And if he tried to, she would quickly point out that he didn’t really have a leg to stand on. Settled in her decision, Celine twisted further into the warmth of their bed.

“Will . . . Evelyn’s crying,” She grumbled out, as the pillow she’d smashed her face into muffled her voice. Celine lay there for a few more seconds, expecting for the bed to shift as her partner got up, but there was no movement. There wasn’t even an objection.

The crying just got louder.

Celine spoke louder this time, a hint of irritation creeping into her tone as she grudgingly removed her face from the pillow, “William, wake up. It’s your turn to check on Evelyn.”

After Celine yet again received absolutely no acknowledgment from William, she twisted to face his side of the bed. With her eyes still scrunched shut, she slapped her hand down on where Celine guesstimated his chest was, “Wake up.”

But to Celine’s surprise, her hand made contact with an empty bed. A cold, empty, unruffled bed.

Well. William had managed to escape what certainly would be diaper duty. Lucky bastard.

What could that man be up to? Celine remembered him coming to bed, she remembered him snoring beside her . . . It wasn’t like he hadn’t been there. Was there an emergency? Whatever it was, Celine couldn't help but think it felt off somehow.

Christ, how had he managed not to wake her up? Celine normally woke at a pin drop and despite all of William’s other virtues, silence was not among their ranks. Regardless of the how, though, his absence meant one terrible thing.

She would have to be the one to get up.

With a long groan, Celine pushed herself up, feeling more like a stiff old corpse than a living breathing woman. It was just the price of motherhood, she supposed, but that didn’t mean she couldn't complain about it. “I swear, Will . . . I won’t be doing this tomorrow night. In fact, it’ll be your job the next full week.”

After Celine finished threatening a very absent Will, she pushed herself up on sleep-heavy legs. With a sigh, she began to stretch and almost immediately became aware of an absolutely monstrous crick in her neck.

As Celine rubbed at her neck, all she could think was that she’d be feeling it for an entire week. It’d just be another thing to make life a little bit harder. Another little gift from the universe.

The crying got louder.

“I’m coming, sweetheart,” Celine called out into the darkness. She began to shamble forward, before reminding herself that she and William had recently installed electricity into their home. While her brother had been apprehensive of the addition, they had nothing but praise for the new innovation in technology. It certainly made getting around the house easier.

She reached out and fumbled for the switch, only for her fingers to be met with the chill of a cool wall. Well, that wasn’t too odd, she still wasn’t fully familiarized with the switches’ exact locations yet. She shifted her hand over a few inches, certain that it was there, just out of range. But after going what must have been a full four feet across the wall, it became clear that a switch simply wasn’t there.

That was strange. While she might not be used to it entirely, she knew it was there. Was it possible that she was wrong? That the sleep deprivation had confused her? No, she was sure it was meant to be there.

Celine squinted, her eyes adjusting to the darkness as they roved over the walls, trying to spot the missing switch. Was it just higher up than she remembered? Or maybe further down? As she looked, though, a single thought halted her;

Her walls were supposed to be freshly done in that lovely new art deco wallpaper she’d insisted on, not painted in a dark matte grey.

As she turned her gaze to the rest of the room, she realized, with a twist in her gut, that none of the room was hers. Not a single aspect of this room belonged to her. Her mother’s wardrobe was nowhere to be seen, the bed she had just crawled out of looked nothing like the carved wooden piece that William had bought for them upon moving in, none of the furniture was hers. And as she looked at the window, which was decidedly on the wrong side of the room, she realized that even the shape of the room wasn’t right. It was all angles, with the only curve being at the window seat, and almost thrice as large as her own room, looking to also serve as a workspace to whoever it belonged to.

The crying got louder.

Fear gripped Celine’s heart, and for a moment, it was all she could do not to fall back, to not lose herself to the panic. But another loud cry dragged her back to reality. Wherever she was, Evelyn was still here. Wherever she was, her daughter still needed her.

Celine scrambled forwards, practically tripping over tables, chairs, and even herself as she desperately tried to reach Evelyn. “Where are you?!”

She tore her way through closets, and even under chairs and the bed. She looked everywhere she could, but no matter where she went, Evelyn was nowhere to be found. All there was was the endless crying, crying that she couldn’t even track anymore. It seemed to bounce off of the walls, to come from directions that she’d just been in, to close in around her even as her heart tried to beat its way out of her chest.

“William!” Celine heard herself cry out, the words ripping from her lungs and cutting through the wailing. She didn’t know if he could hear her, if she was even anywhere close to him, but calling to him was all she could think to do. “William, please!”

She didn’t even notice as she crumpled to the ground. No, when she hit the floor, all she was aware of were the screams that dug their way into her skull, tearing into her soul. This wasn’t right- None of this was right- She shouldn’t be here- This was wrong-

This was all wrong.

The cries of Evelyn were curling in unnatural ways, snaking their way past Celine’s covered ears. It shouldn’t be possible- It shouldn’t be possible for a sound to be so overpowering, for it to be able to so thoroughly consume her. It felt like it was in her skin- Like it was trying to carve its way past muscle and sinew, to make its path all the way into her marrow-

Was Celine herself screaming now? She couldn’t tell. She couldn’t tell anything any more. It was so loud, she couldn’t think over it. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t fucking think-

Then a knock rang out, loud and clear, from the door.

“Dark? Dark, are you- Dark, are you okay?” A man’s voice came from the door, worry evident in his tone. She knew that voice. Celine knew that voice better than her own.

It was her ex-husband, Mark. Mark was on the other side of that door.

Thoughts started to fly through her mind, thoughts that didn’t entirely make sense, thoughts that ran anywhere from paranoia to absurdity. But at the moment, Celine wasn’t in the right mind for rational thought.

Why was Mark here?

Had he done this somehow? Had he brought them here? Had he drugged her somehow? Had he dragged her from her bed? Had he made this place just to torment her? Had he kidnapped her daughter?

At that thought, Celine’s panic only escalated, her breaths coming faster and faster. She crawled towards the door, her shaking arms barely able to support herself. She didn’t know what she’d do when she got there, but all that mattered was reaching her daughter.

Was he hurting her daughter? Had he hurt William? Was this some twisted way of punishing her? Of making her pay for leaving him? Did he want to take everything from her? Was that it? What was he doing to Evelyn? What could he possibly be doing to her baby that would make her scream like this?

Slowly, Celine dragged herself up, her fingers clawing their way up a table and then finally the wall. She knew she was crying now, she could feel the tears still hot on her cheeks, and on any other day, she would never dream of letting anyone see her like this. Much less Mark, the man who had stolen years of her life.

But this wasn’t any day. This was a waking nightmare and she didn’t care who saw her, as long as she had a chance of escape. Of reaching her daughter. Of making the crying stop.

Celine almost fell against the door, her fingers scrambling at the handle for a moment, unable to get a grip on it. Finally, though, she found enough purchase to pull and the door opened wide.

Sure enough, there Mark stood.

But it wasn’t him, it wasn’t him in a way that Celine couldn’t fully explain. The very line of him was different, the way his body curved against itself- Celine had never been more aware of how a person is made from more than looks alone, of all the little things that identify an individual as being themself.

The Not-Mark before her lacked all those details that made up her ex-husband: The way he always led with his chest, how he favored his right leg, the way his brows were almost always quirked no matter the emotion, and the heady scent of cologne that always clung to his skin.

The man before her possessed none of these traits, leaving him almost sickeningly unrecognizable as the man she knew.

Not-Mark was clearly exhausted, dressed in what must be pajamas of some kind, as he scanned his eyes over Celine. Oddly enough, out of all the differences this man had, it was his eyes that stood out the most. They looked concerned, really and truly concerned for her. She didn’t think Mark had ever looked at her like that.

Not-Mark’s jaw worked silently for a few moments as they stared at each other. “Holy shit, Dark. What the hell’s going on?”

Celine numbly realized that there were more men behind Not-Mark, all of them with the same face, all of them just like Mark. Even her William was standing at the back, wearing Mark’s face.

But he wasn’t William anymore. She remembered now that he hadn’t been William for a very, very long time. He was Wilford.

And she wasn’t Celine, she hadn’t been Celine for a century. Just like that baby, her daughter, hadn’t lived for a century.

As Dark turned his gaze back to Dr. Iplier, the crying only got louder, pounding into the back of his skull. But that was alright. He was used to it. It was fine. He had no reason to have acted out like this, to have caused such a stir.

He felt a bone deep exhaustion wash over him as he realized that his little fit had woken them all up. When it rains, it pours, he supposed, but it would have been nice to suffer through this indignity in peace. Though, Dark supposed his lack of privacy was entirely his own fault- If he’d just held it together better, he wouldn’t be in this mess.

Dark forced a smile as he gripped the door knob tight, “I’m terribly sorry for the inconvenience, doctor. Thank you for the concern, but I assure you, I am completely fine. I . . . Just had a bad dream. You can all head back to bed now.”

Dr. Iplier’s face twisted in indignant disbelief, “Dark- We aren’t going back to bed- You are clearly not ‘fine-’”

Dark closed the door before the man had a chance to continue, and when the knob began to twist, he locked it as well. While he was sure most of his colleagues only had good intentions, there was nothing they could do. Not a single thing. Because there was just the simple fact that Dark had come to terms with long ago.

The crying would never stop.

#markiplier #fanfic #wkm #who killed markiplier #darkiplier #wilford warfstache #tw past character death #tw child death #tw implied abuse #hurt comfort #angst #empty crib #my work #my writing #fan fiction

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tales-of-spring · 4 years

Text

Pull | Thor x Male reader - SMUT

Pairing / Ship: Thor Odinson x Male reader

Featuring: Thor Odinson

Words: 1,017

Category: Smut

Warning: Deepthroating, hair pulling, anal sex, cream pie, intense and passionate, dom!Thor, sub!reader, AU, big cock, mentions of ‘’daddy’’, some sweet aftercare, dirty talking (-ish?)

Summary: When Thor comes home from his 9-5 office job, his boyfriend knows only one way to let the stress flow out of his mind.

Author’s Note: Requested by @kingreidx This was..phew, something! I love smutty Thor tbh.

The keys fitted in the newly installed lock perfectly. Thor turned the key and opened the door to your New York apartment. The scent of roses immediately hit his nose, his tense shoulders relaxed and he smiled. His work bag slid down from his broad shoulders onto the ground and he walked into the living room. ‘’Darling?’’ Thor called out to you. Normally you would be found sitting on the couch or in the kitchen, but today you were not present. You heard Thor’s deep voice from the living room. It was only a matter of seconds before he would walk in and find you laying on the bed in your black lace lingerie. You had prepared the house to feel like a relaxing oasis in which your boyfriend could come home to and de-stress from work, and that is exactly why you dolled yourself up.

‘’My love?’’ Thor called out again, this time entering the bedroom. As soon as he saw you laying on the bed, he immediately got flustered. He chuckled nervously and kept standing in the doorway. Out of nowhere, his belt started to feel a little tight. ‘’M-my love..’’ He said nervously, it wasn’t often you guys were doing the nasty, so this came to a surprise for Thor. He cleared his throat. ‘’Are you trying to seduce me, my sweet?’’

You chuckled and got up from the bed, walking towards your boyfriend. ‘’Isn’t it obvious?’’ You asked softly, looking him directly into the eye in a playful manner. You put your hands on Thor’s chest and raised yourself by standing on your toes. Your lips graced his and Thor immediately gave in, kissing you with passion. You smiled under the kiss and he grabbed your upper legs, you jumped up and put your legs around Thor’s waist in instinctive response. Thor kept on kissing you while walking towards the bed and putting you down gently. He broke the kiss, his arms resting on the mattress, his large frame towering over yours. ‘’Is my baby boy trying to get me worked up?’’ You bit your underlip and wiggled a bit in response to him using one of your spicy nicknames. ‘’I wanted to relieve you of your work stress..’’ You paused for a dramatic effect and out of nowhere, you pulled onto Thor’s tie, bringing your face closer to his. You lowered your voice until you were whispering. ‘’How about you relieve that stress while fucking me, daddy?’’

Thor didn’t need to hear that twice. He quickly undressed himself with the help of you, but he kept his tie around. ‘’Lay on your back, baby boy.’’ Thor ordered you, so you did. He climbed onto the bed, onto you and started tying your hands together to the headboard of the bed. When he was done, he brought himself closer to the headboard so his big balls, while still in his boxers, were on your nose. He caressed your cheek with his hand and looked at you like he was about to do all sorts of dirty things to you. ‘’You’re gonna be a good boy, and suck daddy’s dick, alright?’’ The only way you knew how to answer was to keep looking at him and nod.

Thor undid his boxers and his hard rock dick sprung back against his abs from the entrapment, it was already throbbing. You opened your mouth and started at the head of his cock. Sucking and licking while stile looking directly into Thor’s eyes. Thor moaned but he was impatient. ‘’Daddy’s gonna go a bit faster, alright? I need to fuck you soon and his dick needs to be wet.’’ You again nodded and took every 9′5 inches of meat down your throat as Thor quickened his pace. You moaned, he grunted and you just couldn’t get enough of it. Thor went a little faster even and by now he had been deepthroating you for a solid 10 minutes, sometimes being paused by your coughing and catching your breath. He would lovingly ask if you were okay, but you insisted he kept on going, you felt amazing. After Thor’s big cock was well wetted, he untied you from the headboard and ordered you to get on all fours and arch your back into the air. ‘’Hold on tight, baby boy.’’ And so you held on tight to the bed, the frame, the sheets, anything you could hold. You knew Thor’s pounding was deep and rough. You felt the wet tip of his dick touch your hole and you whimpered so loudly you were scared your next door neighbors might have heard you. It didn’t matter though, as Thor started to enter you in his usual medium pace. With every thrust your body moved forward, you felt Thor’s lower stomach slam against your ass cheeks ever time he buried his cock deep inside your hole. Your moans and his grunts filled the room and soon he started to go even faster, Thor started to pound instead of fuck and it made you feel uncontrollably euphoric.

You wanted to scream into the pillows, but Thor had other plans. He gathered your hair in his hands and pulled you up so your head was on his shoulder, all the while he was pounding you deeply. Your back still arched as ever, you felt his warm lips on your neck and collarbone area. He kept on pulling your hair slightly as he continued thrusting into your ass. With every pounding, Thor grunted in your ear until you both reached the climax. ‘’Fuck- fuck, baby.’’ He was panting heavily. ‘’Darling, I’m gonna shoot my seed inside you.’’ You didn’t even know how to respond, you just kept moving in the same rhythm Thor was moving until you felt his cock throb inside you and your inside get filled with his warm, thick cum. Thor pulls out carefully and falls onto the bed, flat on his back. He carefully pulls you into his embrace until you two are cuddling, both catching your breaths. ‘’Please do that more often.’’ He said, and you both chuckled.

#thor odinson #thor odinson x reader #thor odinson x male reader #thor odinson x male!reader #thor odinson smut #thor odinson imagine #marvel imagine #marvel smut #marvel universe #avengers imagine #avengers smut #Chris Hemsworth #smut

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heyheshi · 4 years

Text

Episode

2k words

written and uploaded: August 13, 2020

🦋 - fluff

🌙 - angst...?

💎 - mention of smut...?

Please like and reblog! Also please don't post my writings anywhere!

This is supposed to be a blurb but oh well! And please please REBLOG! I want to get my works out there and likes isn't doing anything. And don't be a ghost reader that doesn't even like my post. By next month, I'll be blocking ghost and silent readers (doesn't reblog). Hope you understand!

Masterlist

_________

"Baby pay attention to meee!", Harry plopped down beside you on your shared bed, "what're you doing anyway?", putting his head on your shoulder as he squints his eyes.

You turned your head a bit and pecked his nose, "told ya I was gonna play Episode! Just bought these gems and tickets.", looking back to your phone, you made your choice - Kiss Max.

"That awfully looks like you.", H murmured, still not taking his head off your shoulders.

You've been playing this game since the lockdown started. Weird? Probably. For an adult like you who's dating the Harry Styles, yes. In your defense, it's a fun game. It does get boring on some days and the domestic stuff gets tiring so you play this game to relax a bit.

And no, Harry is not boring, he just happened to have a life and a hobby - unlike you and when he's working out or writing, you're stuck with whatever it is that can occupy you and so you found this game!

"I know! It's so cool cause I really feel like I'm in this game!", you continued to read the lines on your phone screen not paying attention to your boyfriend, "look!"

"Stop making out with that avatar!", Harry playfully said as he lays down to bed.

"I made a premium choice so...", you shrugs, "and isn't he just cute??!", you felt Harry put his hands on your waist and tried to drag you down beside him but you didn't budge.

H answered you in a monotone voice, "Yea sure.", putting both of his hand at the back of his head then closing his eyes.

"C'mon! Don't be rude! I designed him!"

Opening his left eye, "well sorry to break it to you but you can't design a real life boyfriend."

"Thank god I play this game then, ain't it?", you jokingly responded but it seems like your boyfriend is a grumpy baby today, only answering you with 'whatever'.

"Stop that!", hitting your boyfriend's tummy playfully, "I can style you anyways Mister Harry Styles, so I'm good.", you continued, emphasizing his surname.

"I think I'm gonna go grab some snack downstairs.", your boyfriend quickly get out of your bed and walked out of your room leaving you dumbfounded.

'Whatever', your mind subconsciously screamed so you just went back to your game, getting comfortable sitting with your back against the headboard.

This is not the first time it happened, there are some days when Harry is a complete 180, but hey, everyone has a bad day and he's not an exemption.

Shaking your head as if to clear your head, you went back to your game. You realized that you just started a new chapter yet your boyfriend hasn't made his appearance back.

Making a mental note of checking on him after this chapter, you continued your game until he walked in your room again holding a bag of chips and a bottle of water.

Patting the space beside you, "Whatcha got in there, baby?", already knowing the answer, you asked anyway.

He only raised the food on his hands and made his way beside you. He did not say a word, only stared at the blank wall in front of him as he started eating his chips.

"Can you feed me some?", you tried to coo your boyfriend but he only passed you the bag, still not paying attention to you.

Feeling defeated and annoyed, you rolled your eyes and ignored your boyfriend as you finished the chapter you are playing.

"Kissy!", you made a grabby hands at Harry as you jutted your bottom lips only for you to get ignored, once again. "What's up with you?", you turned off your game and looked at him with pointed eyes.

"Oh so now you paying attention to me. Nice."

"Wha- are you, you know, horny...? Is that it...?", you tried to tickle him but still no nothing.

"Can you let me eat my chips at peace? Why won't you go back to that game of yours."

"What? No. I'm asking you a question Harry.", your patience is wearing off and your boyfriend is clearly the reason. Everything is so peachy.

Finally looking at you, he answered sarcastically, "I was asking for your affection earlier but you didn't pay attention."

"What the hell H!", rubbing your face until something clicked, "oh no! Oh no!", you started laughing while Harry looked at you like you're a lunatic of some sort.

"What now?"

"Oh no! No no no no no!", the pissed off face of your boyfriend did not help but to make you laugh harder to the point where your stomach starts hurting.

"Y/N stop that!", H whined, stuffing his face with chips.

"Wait!", trying to calm down, "I think I know what's up with you...", getting a pillow and hugging it and sitting up straighter, you continued, "are you... jealous?"

Harry mimicked you, sitting up straight, "I am not jealous.", eating more of the chips as he looks at you dead in the eyes.

"Oh baby, you are so jealous!", you continued to tease your boyfriend, poking his body multiple times.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are! I know you!"

H put his chips on his bedside table and cleaned his hand with a rubbing alcohol then facing you again, "no. I'm not even laughing!", looking at your eyes again, trying to make a point.

"If it was other people, maybe you would've fooled them, but not me! I know that look! And that eyes! Just admit it! You're jealous Harry!", the look on your boyfriends face made you stop laughing.

"Fine! What if I am?"

You take a hold of his hands, "baby, you can't seriously be jealous over a fictional character...", you tried to hold on your laughs for the sake of Harry.

"It's not that!", H removed his hands from yours and laid down.

"Then what is it? Tell me, please.", you removed the pillow on your thighs as you maneuver near his head and put it on your thighs instead.

You waited for an answer but received none.

"Baby it's just an avatar...", running your right hand thru his hair then pecked his nose.

"I know. God, I know! I'm just being stupid, forget it.", he hides his face on your legs but it's too late, you already saw the redness on his face.

"Tell me please, baby."

Harry answered you with inaudible voice so you his head on a place where you can see his face and hear him properly, "come again H?"

"I said I wasn't jealous of that stupid avatar, I-", you looked at him accusingly and he sighed, "okay, fine! Was jealous of the avatar and the game. Just wanted your loving but you weren't paying attention to me and it made me realize that any guy can have your attention. I mean that avatar got you hooked already! And that's only a game... what if it's a real guy? Someone who'll be with you all the time and not someone who's on the other side of the world half of the time?"

"Oh love...", you pulled his body up as a sign for him to sit down and he did, "first of all I'm sorry for ignoring you, it won't happen again, I promise.", you kissed his left cheek twice and continued, "second, there will be no other guy! You understand me, H?", cupping his face with your hands so he'll look at you in the eyes.

"But you're probably bored that's why yo-"

"You, stop that. I would choose you every time, okay? Even with the premium choices in the game! I love you, and only you and there will be no other guy, okay?", you explained to him but his face still looks sad.

"I love you, you know that, right Harry?"

"I do and I'm so honored that you do and I love you too Y/N."

"See! There's nothing else to worry about, yeah?", you can see his smile trying to creep back, "now, kissy? Pleaseee!"

Finally, your boyfriend kissed you, pinning you close to his body and taking you both down to the bed. The kiss is soft, slow and sweet until you decided to break it.

Harry whined, "what now?"

"I can start a new story on Episode and make an avatar look like you! Or you can install it too and get a revenge? Or i don't know make it look like me?", you offered as you sit up again.

"How about you delete it and play with your real boyfriend? Hmmm? Sounds good?"

It sounds like a good deal, great deal. Spectacular actually, "but I just bought those gems and all..."

"Fine, but you're playing it with me. I can't have you kissing other guys even if it's fictional!"

You bopped his nose with your pointer finger, "okay deal! But only if you gave me some of your chips!", you reached across him to his bedside table for the bag only to find it empty.

"Uh oh..."

You straddled your boyfriend, "yes. Uh oh your self, Styles."

"Hmmm, are you trying to seduce me, future Missus Styles?", Harry raised his left eyebrow at you, also sitting up.

"What?"

"What what?", Harry chuckled.

"Yo- you just... you called me..."

"I did.", he said coolly.

You started playing with your fingers out of nervousness, "what do you me-"

"Marry me."

"What?", you alarmingly looked up to him only to see him getting something on his drawer on bedside table.

Pulling up a small square dark blue velvet box, Harry slowly opened it, "I know this isn't the most ideal proposal but I couldn't wait any longer. I had this ring for months now, waiting for the right time to give it to you. I was planning on doing one of those Pinterest worthy proposals like I saw on your board so I'm sorry to disappoint..."

You're crying at this point, "no, no no..."

Harry started closing the box at your answer.

"NO! Stop!", you hold Harry's hand to stop him from closing the box, "what I mean is, this is perfect, I- I don't need those Pinterest like proposal..."

"So are you saying...?"

"Yes! Yes yes! I'll marry you! Oh my God I'm deleting my Episode right now!", you started to remove your body from his but his big hands prevented you from doing so.

"We'll I'm glad that you're deleting it but...", Harry got the ring out of the box and took your left hand, slowly sliding it on your ring finger.

"It's beautiful. Gorgeous.", you looked into each other's eyes that's full of tears, smiling then meeting each other's lips.

You pulled away, out of breath.

"So you're marrying me now.", Harry concluded.

"Did you just asked me to marry you cause you're jealous?", you poked fun at your now fiancé.

"I'm not answering that.", he took your phone from the bed and unlocked it, "are you sure you want to delete this?"

You nodded, "do the honors baby.", you smiled at him as he did so then kissing him again once the app was removed from your phone.

"I love you."

"I love you more H. I'm gonna pamper you tomorrow, promise. We'll do face masks and everything but for now, I think we need to... celebrate!", you winked at him while slowly pushing him down the bed, which is an easy task since you're still straddling him.

"We definitely do.", with that, Harry flipped the both of you so you're under him and hid yourself under the thick blankets on the bed.

You can guess what happened next. Let's just say that Harry kept you pretty well preoccupied for the next few hours until it was time for dinner.

And after the dinner, he made sure that both of your desserts are well served - if you know what I mean.

Who would have thought that Harry will propose to you at this day when he was just grumpy earlier? But oh, you're not complaining.

_____

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 3 years

Text

Requests for this card are closed, thank you to anyone who sent in requests! If you don’t want to see these you can block the tag #false bthb. As always shoot me an ask if you wanna be tagged in future stories, whether it be for bad things happen bingo or any of the other series, one shots or in general!

To Cure the Inevitable

Summary: Roman is so tired of endangering himself and everyone around him everytime he changes. Logan promises to help cure him, an old agreement never straying far in his mind

Warnings: major character death, body horror, gore, injury, needle, injected euthanasia.

Prompt: Painful Transformation, requested by Nico on AO3

Ships: Logince QPR (Logan x Roman)

WC: 2303

“Logan if none of these work-”

“One of them has to.”

“Shut up and listen for a second.” Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, his features softening as he saw the worry in his friend’s face. “I know how hard you're working and I love you so much for it but...if none of these work- Logan I can’t keep doing this.”

Logan knew. He knew how hard it was for Roman every month, saw it in the scars tracing his body and the guilty conscience he bore every time after. Months of repeating the same thing over and over again without coming close to what they wanted. Logan knew but he was still loath to hear it.

“If these don’t work I want to die.”

-----

“Logan.”

Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, his features softening as he saw the worry in his friend’s face.

“Roman I- this is it.” Logan held up the syringe full of liquid, the smooth glass reflecting the full moon’s light shining through the window. The room was dim save for that; dim lighting didn’t make for accurate scientific endeavors but Roman hated the bright lights, especially when he- well, he cared more for his friends comfort than any rules he learned getting his degree. He supposed it was odd, going from working in a small research lab to making one of his own out in the middle of nowhere. An unassuming cabin with just enough homey touchy to assure no one would break in on the assumption it was abandoned. Enough furniture had been moved to it that it was a comfortable weekend stay to any who may wish it, fireplace stacked with wood and no perishables shoved into the cabinets for overnight stays. It was comfortable but he and Roman usually only came here once a month. Two days out of the month this was their home, though they usually stayed in the basement.

The basement that was also well stocked but with very different supplies. First aid kits lay on practically every surface with more advanced surgical supplies within easy reach anywhere you happened to stand in the room. Sterilized countertops were a;ways optimized to have something laid on them for examination and two big industrial sinks were set on either side of the room considering how messy the work often was down here. A dolly and cart sat nearby the steps to get any supplies Logan needed from upstairs to down in the basement and ample shelving space provided room for it all. The biggest installment however, was a rather large, iron and silver coated cage; Logan didn’t know if those metals really helped anything but when it came to this he wasn;t sure if “overprepared” was ever a word he’d use.

Roman sat cross legged in the middle, hair tousled messily from running his fingers through it all night from stress. His too large hospital gown pooled around and left him looking small and vulnerable, which was a far cry from his normally boisterous and extraverted self. He was only twenty-five but the lines on his face spoke a different story, wrinkles pulled far too many times from stress and pain and regret, bags sagging under heavy eyelids as he struggled to even look Logan in the eye. Par for the course when they were down here together, neither of them ever quite ready to address what they knew was coming whether they ever wanted it too or not.

Logan gripped the vile tightly, the needle covered for now as soft music played in the background. Everything was tuned to Roman as much as Logan could possibly make it. Soft disney instrumentals played to fill the tense air, lights turned dim so the brightness never hurt his eyes, hospital gown made by him and Logan themselves using softer but cheap materials so it was comfortable but didn't cost too much to fix or replace when it was torn to shreds. The clock was put in plain view for Roman to see since he often got time based anxiety when he was down here, which Logan could hardly blame him for. They had tried lining the cage comfortably with pillows and carpet and blankets a couple years back but it hadn’t gone over as well as they had hoped so they had spent a couple days extra at the cabin cleaning up the unexpected mess before agreeing that unfortunately, a bare cage worked best for their purpose.

“Logan.” Roman twisted his fingers together and looked up at him finally, face tight and eyes wide as they caught the time and the angle of the moon. “Can you...not the whole time obviously but...can I maybe hold your hand?”

Logan had always prided himself on keeping his emotions in check even through the most painful situations. Scientific research often had you making tough calls and difficult decisions that needed to be made fast with any guilt pushed to the background as you carried out what needed to be done. But hearing Roamn ask for such a simple thing, voice hesitant and quiet, his heart nearly cracked at the mere thought of denying him though they both knew how dangerous it had the potential to be.

“Roman, of course.” Immediately he was on his knees, vial stored safely in his pocket and reaching out with his now free hands to clutch at Roman’s desperately, squeezing every ounce of reassurance he had into the gesture as he smiled thinly. His chest grew tight at the realization that this really was all he could do, hold onto Roman pale, shaking hands through a cage while they both sat on the floor and waited. Both of them let the simple ambiance of soft violins wash over them as the minutes ticked away, their hearts beating rapidly through their hands.

“I said- I said goodbye today. Just in texts I- normal send off from talking about nothing. They don’t know that I might...I didn’t make it obvious.” Roman hung his head. “We don’t know if this one will be the cure right?”

Logan swallowed thickly, not daring to look up. “No, we don’t”

“If it doesn’t work...I don’t want to leave.”

“I know.” The last one hadn’t worked, and Logan was determined for this to be the most comfortable setting he could muster. He wouldn’t break, not yet, not while Roman still needed him. Over the past month he had hid his expenses from his friend, setting things up he knew Roman would enjoy. He could tell Roman had an idea it was his “just in case” plans and played along accordingly. Logan didn’t have the heart- no, the courage to tell him he had known it was the end a month ago. The last “cure” he had tried had failed to reverse anything like it was supposed to. Years of research carefully poured into a mix of perfect chemistry failing miserably and settling its weight on his heavy shoulders every time he had taken Roman to that restaurant he liked, or the park where they had first met, or the hill they had first danced on. All of the memories that brought joy and laughter to Roman’s face spoiled in Logan’s eyes every time the thought that he had failed him entered his mind.

He had successfully kept Roman in the dark however, knowing how hard Roman would take it. They had discussed this before, Roman knew on some level that this was coming, it was Logan’s job to tell him when. But...Roman had said his goodbyes. He had lived as best he could, he trusted Logan to know what was best. Even if Logan felt as if he was simply taking an old dog through the motions one last time, the thought made even worse with the fact that he had stolen enough euthanizer from a vets office to serve his purpose. But Roman was relatively happy, he was still hopeful, he still clung to Logan like a lifeline; so Logan couldn’t tell him there was no cure left. There was nothing at all but a syringe full of death that Logan would use when Roman had turned because it was easier to see the pain of a beast's eyes rather than the pain of the person he loved most.

He fell backwards suddenly as Roman shoved him away, face already twisted as his limbs began twitching. Logan forced himself not to look away- this was his punishment. He had to watch every second of this to burn it into his memory as petinance for what he had done, what he was going to do. He hoped it tortured his mind every second until he died and continued to do so while he burned in hell. He hoped Roman hated him for it, resented him and told him so in his dreams if he ever managed to sleep again. He watched wide-eyed and stiff as Roman curled into himself, a pained whine escaping through his mouth as his back spasmed and split, instantly soaking the gown he wore with thick, dark blood and splattering on the bottom of the cage. Twisting limbs slid on the slippery surface as joints popped and bones cracked under the force of his transformation, becoming longer and bent to accommodate for the hulking form finally shredding the gown as it flopped to the floor. His face was the worst, mouth open in a shrill scream that echoed in the soundproof basement as rows and rows of teeth shattered the pre existing ones and the jaw jutted forward to accommodate them all. Acid spilled from it, making the swelling tongue writhe in pain and temporarily cut off the scream, replacing it with a dull gurgling that had haunted Logan’s worst nightmares for years. His hair fell in clumps as his ears tore from their usual place to reposition themselves, becoming pointed and alert before folding back as his body shifted one final time to adjust itself to the beast it had become.

Roman’s new forn barely fit in the cage, twitching muscle pressed painfully into the bars as the skin worked desperately to knit itself back together, sticking to the bars in its haste and being torn away as he attempted to turn in the small space. Growling low the beast swiveled its massive head to look directly at Logan, as if he knew exactly what was going to happen as Logan slowly stood and wiped the annoying rivulets of water that ran down his face. He wasn’t crying, he needed to hold it together for Roman. Roman needed him right now, more than he ever had in the years after Logan had found out about this, in the years he had studied to be able to help him, in the months leading up to the final try. Roman needed him and Logan would be damned if he wasn’t there for him as he needed him to be.

Taking shaking steps forward he fumbled in his pocket for a second before grabbing the syringe and bringing it out. The beast looked warily at the needle as it was exposed, the glint from the moon flashing briefly in his eyes. Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, his features softening as he saw the worry in his friend’s face. He took a steadying breath as he reached the cage, bringing his hand up slowly, both of their eyes locked onto Logan’s hand as he positioned it correctly on the plunger. With a quick movement the liquid disappeared from the glass, the caged beast jerking away as far as he could but only succeeding in distancing himself an inch or two. The empty syringe dropped to the floor at the same time Logan’s knees hit it with a resounding crack.

Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, his features softening as he saw the worry in his friend’s face. He brought his hand up to lay on the bars of the cage, trying his best to smile in reassurance. Roman's eyes flashed once before they began to dull, muscles finally untensing as he slumped to the floor slowly. Watching as he closed his eyes Logan reached in carefully to take his deformed hand in his own, squeezing it gently despite the burrs that dug into his skin. He held it long after blood began to run from his much softer flesh, long after it grew cold in his palm and the blood dried and the fingers relaxed, long after the sun came up and went down again and enough time passed for whatever it was that plagued Roman’s body to leave once more leaving only a small, scarred form behind. A form that was far too cold and stiff to be Roman’s but one that Logan forced himself to accept that it was. His back hurt and his legs were numb while his stomach growled and his dry throat spasmed in unspoken sobs but he refused to move.

Moving meant he had control of his actions. And that meant he had had the choice of doing what he had done. He could have tried and convinced Roman to bear through the pain just a few months longer while he tried to find something else. But he hadn’t.

Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, his expression set in death to haunt Logan with its misplaced hope and fear and trust. He hoped Roman had finally found peace even as he prayed he himself never would. The lights buzzed faintly as Logan looked at their hands still intertwined together as comfort for him or Roman he couldn’t remember.

This work is also available on AO3!

Logan jerked his head up to meet Roman’s desperate gaze, and let go.

If you like this, please consider reblogging, as sharing a creator’s work is very encouraging to us and helps our creations reach more people!

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 3 years

Note

Dick and Jason are Robins at the same time

(titans ‘verse. au after 1.06)

(tagging @superohclair and @cautiousamber!)

dick has to admit that it’s not the worst arrangement: jason continues to be robin in gotham, and dick travels across the country with his little family while running from a homicidal cult, wearing the costume every now and then when he has no choice but to fight. this way batman is covered, dick still has access to some advanced gear and weaponry now that he needs it, and internet sleuths are kept on their toes when robin shows up in different ends of the country on the same day.

so what if reading news coverage of batman and robin in gotham feels like being punched in the chest, or hearing jason’s stories about learning new things from bruce everyday makes dick want to scream into a pillow? he is fine with this.

he. is. fine--

(kory knows he’s fraying at the edges. she watches, and she says nothing.)

the fight to help rachel and defeat trigon is long and hard, and involves painstakingly unravelling kory’s memories. they manage to find her spaceship, and it becomes their base for a good long while. they stay there long enough that dick loses some of the tension that’s had him on edge for... well. the better part of the last five years, to be honest.

dick begins training rachel and gar in earnest. kory is able to coax some memories of tamaranean cuisine and culture out, and dick is reminded more and more of the team that he lost everyday. despite his best efforts he’s invested now. he cooks and dances with kory (good thing he’s so flexible because the tamaranean version of a waltz is like a particularly sadistic game of twister), teaches rachel algebra and does yoga with gar. he even manages to forget about bruce for a bit.

jason shows up quite often when he figures out where they’re based, and after some initial tension, he becomes an unofficial member of their team (though at this stage dick is still reluctant to use that word). dick and jason patrol in the nearby city some nights, then go for ice cream later. dick’s even starting to see the strategic (and frankly comedic) potential of two robins on the same patrol.

time and familiarity softens how dick perceives jason: less reckless asshole and more bright young kid full of curiosity and a need to prove himself. he continues to tend towards gratuitous violence, but dick learns his triggers and helps jason recognise them as well. he soaks up the info on alien cultures and battles on kory’s ship faster than dick himself could hope to, and there is a terrible sort of tenderness to how he talks to the people he saves while on patrol. terrible, dick thinks, because he doesn’t know if he comes across like that now at all: soft and empathetic instead of aloof and shaking, too caught up in his own neuroses.

here’s the thing, the crux of it, the faultline that’s always threatening to break dick apart: he’s so afraid that he’s taken robin, his legacy, the ideals and persona that he modelled as a tribute to his parents, and made it into something so dark and broken that only batman could pass it on. jason showing up as his replacement one day only seemed to affirm that fear. but now, swinging through the skies with this kid who’s taken robin as an opportunity to learn and grow and be better, dick’s reminded of the best of his early days in the costume.

for the first time in what feels like forever, dick feels good about putting on the robin costume again.

(are you asking if dick tried to call home? of course he did. he chickens out and cuts the call to bruce after only a few rings, and feels a sad sort of vindication in noticing how bruce never attempts to call him back.

alfred picks up his call on the second ring, and dick feels like the smallest person in the world when he hears the genuine warmth, joy and relief in alfred’s voice as he greets him. there’s no excuse for dick refusing to talk to the man that practically raised him after his parents died and he knows it.

they talk for an hours while skirting around anything to do with bruce, which is an impressive feat all in itself. they finally talk about jason, and there’s a wistful sort of fondness in alfred’s voice as he says, “you’ve been a good influence on master jason.”

dick laughs. “he’s been a good influence on me.” it’s the first time he’s said it loud, but it feels true.

“you mustn’t underestimate the ways in which you change people, master dick,” alfred says. “you have been a light in our lives for so long.”

dick’s jaw clenches. all his memories of batman smudge together in never-ending shadow; when he thinks of bruce, he can only remember that remote expression on his face, that expression dick can project all his disgust and loathing and disappointment onto. maybe people should start considering how they influence me, dick wants to say. sometimes i can’t recognise who i’m seeing in the mirror every day and other times i hate him so much i want to--

“i miss you, alf,” he says instead, softly.

“my dear boy,” alfred starts, but he sounds choked. it’s ok. dick understands.)

things get worse, quickly. their enemies find and destroy their spaceship base, and they’re not nearly ready to take on trigon yet. they’re on the run again, alternating between motel rooms and empty warehouses.

the cult finally catches up to them; they are kidnapped and tortured for days in an abandoned asylum. they eventually escape, the building and the organisation in flames behind them, but the scars from the experience are deep: rachel is anxious and tearful almost all the time, gar’s usual cheer is replaced by a quiet, simmering self-loathing, kory refuses to talk about her experience but flinches at every touch, and dick... he feels like he’s been flayed, his mind and body laid raw and bleeding until nothing recognisable, nothing human is left. he can’t think, he can barely feel. half the time it feels like he’s observing what’s happening to him like it’s happening to somebody else entirely.

they’re a mess. he can’t do this, not when he feels like--like this. he resists calling anybody for help, but one night he breaks down and calls donna. he doesn’t remember what he says on the call, but wakes up the next morning, eyes raw, tear tracks on his face, and a text from donna that says: i’ll be there in a day. stay put, bw,

“wow you’re a mess,” jason says from a corner of the room. any other time, dick would be on his feet, demanding to know how jason found them. now though, he’s feeling out of his body again, and so he says, “i kind of am, aren’t i?” and watches the words float, parting the air above him.

jason sighs.

being with donna helps get his head on straight, even though at first her appearance threatened to bring back even more traumatic memories. she’s a soothing, sobering presence not just for him, but for the others as well. they continue to motel-hop as they prepare for their big final battle against trigon.

jason continues to find them, somehow. (dick wouldn’t put installing a tracker on one of them beyond him, but he’s much too tired to feel angry about that.) he chats with dick and sometimes they bond by watching a movie together or swinging from buildings in the chill, crisp night air, jason’s cackling laugh echoing in dick’s ears.

jason always leaves as quickly as he appears, but dick is grateful for his presence.

they defeat trigon, and there’s a party. even hank and dawn show up. jason is conspicuous in his absence.

after several unanswered texts and calls, dick bites the bullet and calls alfred. “hey alf,” he says when the man picks up, “is jason there?”

there’s a long pause at the other end of the line. then: “did master bruce not tell you?” his voice sounds uncharacteristically hoarse.

dick’s stomach starts to sink. he steps away from the others and into a quiet room. “tell me what?”

“master jason...” alfred sighs. “he--he was killed by the joker two months ago. the funeral was last week.”

dick stumbles back to sit on the bed. the phone threatens to fall from his numb fingers even while his heart thunders against his ribs. “that’s impossible,” he manages. “i saw him five days ago. we saw--” there’s a hysterical laugh building in his chest, howling like a thunderstorm, “fuck we saw moulin rogue together. he told me how much he fucking loves musicals, i--”

alfred’s voice is suddenly distant and tinny. dick looks down to see his phone on the floor. he’s suddenly very, very aware of the dryness of his palms, the hot flush at the tips of his ears, the tears that are starting to slide down his cheeks, the way his lungs are burning with shock and grief and rage--

“hey, dickie,” jason says, smiling at him. “glad you finally caught up.”

( send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons! )

#this got completely out of control #yikes #titans #my fic #dick grayson #jason todd #a byronic cupcake #a tragic jalebi #cw mental illness #ptsd #please let me know if i should tag/warn for anything #sillierthanasillylaugh

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blairwaldcrf · 3 years

Text

but i’m into it (driving me crazy)-nate/dan/blair

summary: two boyfriend’s and their very pregnant girlfriend

gossip girl. 1k. part of a series. please comment on ao3!!

-----------

Of all the times in their lives that Nate thought he would end up waking next to Blair Waldorf, it had never been with Dan Humphrey on the other side. This is his new normal now, a bed large enough for the three of them having been installed a week ago, despite the fact that they still more often than not end up on the couch.

“You two are comfy,” Blair complains. “Being able to lean while I cuddle is so much easier.”

Whichever one of them she’s trapped into being her pillow for the night usually sighs, puts the other on Milo duty, and soon Blair is snoring loudly. Blair with a full night of sleep is much easier than a cranky third term pregnant Blair who had none as they find out.

“You know how much money we spent on that bed, right?” Dan asked them to blank expressions, Nate understanding only a little more than Blair what it means to not have a trust fund. “Not to mention it took forever to even get into this place--,”

“That’s because we need a new place .” Blair chided, nagging them consistently now that she was in nesting mode. “I don’t even care what zip code anymore, Humphrey, but as much as I will always hold nostalgia for this three bedroom hovel, we need more room.”

“We don’t need more room, all we need is to downsize your closet.” Dan fought back illogically, still stubborn. Nate wondered if at this point he was only fighting her to fight, because even he agreed.

“Dan. Come on. Don’t you think at least one of us needs an office?”

Blair waved a hand at Nate. “There. A logical compromise. We get a new place, you get your own office. Dorota can stop complaining about fighting with you anytime she needs to clear books from desks and tables.”

“I don’t have time to write anything anyway.” Dan mumbled, but he gives in later that night when Blair throws out every take out menu in the loft and replaces them with housing listings.

The place is much more modest, than Nate had thought Blair would ever settle for (Despite being everything they needed). Dan had spent the day with a real estate agent showing them houses and by the late afternoon and walking the city, weeks-from-labor Blair breaks down on the staged couch of the last five-bedroom home and tells the real estate agent, “We’ll take it”, before promptly falling asleep.

“Dan,” Nate says, chuckling at the sight of her. His boyfriend pauses his conversation with the agent to turn to him. Nate can’t help but shake his head with a finger to his lips, walking over to whisper in his ear. “Blair is going to murder you when she realizes what you did.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dan whispers, a smirk coming loose from the corners of his lips. “It’s not my fault the real estate agent showed us six houses out of our budget until this one.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure it was the agent who circled this one in red pen at home when I threw the paper in the trash before she could see it.” Nate replies.

Dan is caught and he knows it, but he asks Nate, “Wait, you knew. Does that mean you like it?”

“Yeah, I like it.” Nate nods, smiling. “She’s still going to kill you.”

“Well at least with this place you can afford a nice funeral for me.” Dan jokes back, and Nate laughs, shaking his head. Sometimes the three of them worked together in ways Nate could never expect.

--------------------------

“God I’m so hungry,” Blair complains in the middle of the first football game of the season. Usually Nate sucks it up and does a food run but he’s trying to watch tv and if he misses this potential goal-- but she turns off the television in the middle of a pass and he thinks he might murder her. “Please, Nate, save me. Pick me up some of that Indian food we used to get.”

“Blair, that's halfway across town now.” Nate argued. Of course Dan had to choose now to be at some stupid writing conference.

“It’s not my fault we moved!” She tried, but when Nate glared a little rudely at her-- still not dumb enough to try and take the remote back-- she caved. “Okay, maybe a little my fault, but--,”

“I will give you my phone to order food on my card, just turn the game back on, please .”

So she does and he gets to shout at the tail end of the goal being made only for her to throw his phone back at him, hitting him squarely in the chest. At first he thinks it might be some dirty pic from Dan that she wasn’t expecting, but when he looks up at her there are tears in her eyes and his stomach drops as he rushes to check his phone-- only to see a text from Dan asking Is she driving you crazy yet?

“Come on, Blair, it’s just a joke,” Nate tries to tell her, hoping that her pregnant brain will hear him even as she hops off the couch in an unglorified hop. “You know we both love you.”

“No, Dan loves charity cases,” she says, beginning to cry and stepping back when he gets up and tries to step forward to hug her. “You just put up with me for him.”

“That is not true.” Nate replied, thinking he might see the root problem. “...Well, Dan is way too giving sometimes, but him falling for you was not something he would have wanted to do if he wasn’t head over heels for you.”

Blair rolled her eyes, not arguing, her bottom lip still full in pouting.

“Are you really upset about Dan, or is it me?”

Chocolate brown doe eyes turn directly back down and to him as she tears up even further, barely able to croak out, “You never loved me, why would you now?”

“I loved you back then and I love you now,” Nate said, wishing she would just let him hold her. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. You fell in love with plenty of people after me and I’ve never thought that meant you couldn’t love me now if you wanted to.”

“If I wanted to?” She asked with a scoff. “Like I had a choice.”

“Do you not want Dan and I--,”

“Oh no, Nate, that’s not what I meant at all.” Blair said in a rush, looking flustered and squinting her eyes like she tended to when she wanted least to admit something. When she opens her eyes, she looks both sweet and forlorn as she admits, “I meant I’ve always loved you. A tiny bit of me never stopped. How could I? You’re you.”

“A tiny bit of me never stopped either.” He admits, kissing her on the forehead, but she pulls him in for a kiss on the lips and he gives her a slow kiss in response. Smiling, he asked, “Does this have anything to do with finding my old sweater and your sewn heart from unpacking?”

Blair gasps in offense. “Dan told you about that?”

“He might have said you snapped his head off when he told you the heart should be kept somewhere less easy to lose in the washer. And then added you broke down in tears over snapping at him.” She gives an angry humph, clearly planning an ‘angry’ call later, but for now she finally lets him pull her closely into him, head fitting perfectly under his shoulder like when they were teens. “He figured you would bottle it up until it came out of nowhere, but I was right. It didn’t take that long.”

“I am driving you two crazy, huh?” she asks, sighing into his chest.

“Hey, at least now you have the excuse of creating life.” He jokes, and she laughs a little as she pulls back.

Blair smiles a little, looking up at him. “I don’t mean to be a handful anymore. Usually.”

“I know.” Nate smiles back. “It’s worth it either way.”

“Well then, that being said, you could have gotten me my Indian food by now.”

“ Blair.”

------------------

No one in their right mind would want to be on the other side of an angry sixteen year old Constance school Blair Waldorf, but Blair twenty hours into labor was another thing entirely. No makeup, sweat rolling down her forehead and turning her dark hair into ringlets, and the angry screams at anyone and everyone in sight.

“Humphrey, this is your fault!” She went for Dan yet again, who was sitting down beside her bed opposite Nate and icing his broken hand. Unlike Nate, he had thought it wise to hold her hand before the epidural. Nate, who had helped her through vomiting and period cramps when they were growing up, had been way too wary of the pressure force she could cause now.

“How dare you let me keep this baby!”

Rolling his eyes at this point, as out of his mind tired as Nate is as well, Dan stays silent. Dan and Nate had stopped asking for answers to her warped logic around hour four. Nate goes to say something, but then her angry eyes lock on him. “And you helped him.”

“I had nothing to do with this!” Nate argued helplessly. “You were already into your second term when you told me.”

“ Yes , but you looked cute with Milo.” She accused, and Dan gave a tired snicker despite the fact it turned her attention to him. “It’s not funny! Do you know how much this hurts? ”

Dan waves his iced hand. “I’d say about one hundred times whatever pain this is?”

“One thousand times.” Blair spat back, less angry this time, in a lull of the contraction-- but then it’s hitting again and she’s yelling, “I swear to God if either of you ever get me pregnant again I will castrate you!”

It’s a very, very long twenty-eight hours, but in the end they have Audrey Ella Waldorf.

#nate x dan x blair #nate x dan #dair #gossip girl #gossip girl fic #mine #the title is based on the song kiwi #iykyk

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notveryglittery · 4 years

Text

so @/dysaniadisorder posted this really cute zoom moxiety art and then i posted some selfies in a discord server and the reactions from that + this moxiety art got me feeling even more Fluffy than usual so here’s a very rambly au that i stream of consciousness wrote in half an hour lol

idk about anyone else, but i had a pen pal through english class in middle school for a little while. so what if, patton and virgil meeting through being pen pals. patton's letters are as bubbly as his stories, he includes stickers on the pages and the envelope, and uses *so many* exclamation marks. virgil meanwhile, tends to write very little and mostly just in reaction to whatever patton said. because sure, the letters are sent to the school and they've been told not to give away personal information, but y'know... Just In Case.

except for one towards the end of the program, when patton really doesn't want to lose contact with virgil, so he shares his instagram. and he says no pressure of course i dont even know if you have an instagram but here it is if you ever wanna try to keep talking. and bc roman's his best friend, of course virgil has instagram (ugh). so of course he checks patton's profile. and oh *no* he's as cute as his bubbly handwriting and his stories and stickers and exclamation marks

virgil's never really mentioned this whole pen pal thing to roman, because roman's english teacher did not sign her class up for it and he knows roman would be jealous. but he made the mistake of checking patton's profile in roman's presence and if anyone's going to notice a Gay Panic™, it's roman

so of course roman grills virgil and virgil caves bc like what?? else is he gonna do?? but anyway, roman hits the follow button for virgil but then virgil throws his phone across the room and breaks it so can we get an f in the chat

meanwhile patton's studying with his step-brother logan when he gets a little chime from his phone and? oh a new instagram follow that's neat, who's [insert cool username for virgil]? except of course virgil's profile is private so patton has to follow back to see any photos. except virgil's phone is busted! bummer

cue virgil not getting a new phone for a week or two bc idk he's in trouble for breaking the old one to begin with and by the time he finally does get a new one, he totally spaces on installing instagram. so it's like a month and a half later when roman asks him why the heck he hasn't been liking roman's pictures that virgil remembers. and then he also remembers patton. *oh god patton* how could he ever forget, he is a fool, and patton probably hates him now, or he must be super worried, bc the pen pal program is over so they havent been writing and then he just disappeared off the face of the planet which?? well patton should have expected it a little because he did say it would be okay if virgil didnt want to keep in contact but *oh god patton*

virgil installs instagram and finds patton's follow request (and like 32 comments from roman demanding that virgil like his photos what kind of best friend is he smh)

and he accepts it

and then while he's still riding his bravery high, he messages patton "hey it's virgil" and then Very Calmly sets his phone down before screaming into a pillow

meanwhile patton's busy cheering logan on at his swim meet but this does mean that he's posting all sorts of encouraging cheesy stuff to his story which means virgil is already getting a sneak peak into patton's life and wait oh my GOD is that his voice???????

virgil is very gay and he is having a Time

anyway patton also almost breaks his phone when he sees the follow request approved *and* the message!!! because lowkey , he considers virgil a pretty close friend!! he vented in some of those pen pal letters! said some things he couldn't bring himself to say to anyone else. and virgil was always so patient and kind and reminded him of all the good things to help and balance out the bad things.

so y'know, fast forward thru lots of instagram interactions. messaging each other late into the night. virgil always liking patton's photos and leaving a single "💜" comment on every one. they talk about roman - and how he's virgil's best friend and he may be dramatic and loud but he's reliable and genuine - and they talk about logan - and how patton wouldn't know anywhere near as much as he does w/out him and how they have sleepovers in the basement every saturday.

and fast forward to moving on from instagram to discord, and joining servers of fandoms they're both in. making a server for themselves + roman + logan (and *oh boy,* introducing roman and logan). sending silly memes and posts that "made me think of you", late night texting that ends with one sending the final “i guess you fell asleep, sweet dreams <3″ message, and the other sending the “oops i did, good morning <3″ message in return

and sure, roman might post pictures on instagram of himself and virgil, but virgil's always half-in half-out of frame or he's blurry or he's looking away. and so one day, he posts a selfie in their friend server because he's just got his hair dyed purple and he's *so excited* and patton. patton didnt even have time to prepare can we get an f in the chat

there are a LOT of keysmashes and hearts lol

roman is still laughing by the time patton manages to calm down. patton sort of flat out demands for a group video call aljsdf

logan and roman, all this time obviously because they can't be out done, have already had plenty of personal voice and video calls themselves. sometimes it's just to help roman run lines or help logan study for a test. but they have been on the receiving end of patton and virgil gushing about their respective crushes so they're in full support of this tbh

so they set up a group video call that night, roman and logan like immediately muting themselves bc let's be real we all know the real reason behind this. patton is gushing about virgil and virgil's hair like, right off the bat, and virgil is slowly but surely disappearing into his hoodie and the lighting in his room isn't very good, but gosh patton is *melting* and then

and THEN

patton pauses to finally drink out of his cooling hot cocoa and virgil takes the opportunity to clear his throat and sit up a little out of his hoodie cocoon and says thank you

and y'all we thought virgil was all Gay Panic™ when he saw patton's face in photos for the first time? and then he broke his phone when roman followed patton for him?

patton does a spit take and chokes on his hot cocoa and kind of maybe shorts out his laptop ajsdkjhsf

because we gotta go full circle baby

roman disappears from view on his camera because he just rolled off the bed he's laughing so hard

you know logan definitely anticipated this, so he's been on best buy's website this whole time, ready to find laptops on sale / schedule an appointment to get patton's laptop fixed

and uuuhhhh yeah :) pen pals to friends to lovers long distance moxiety, with background probably-qpr logince because that's the Vibe i'm getting. with bonus best friends prinxiety and familial logicality!! thanks for reading :D

#sanders sides fan fiction #moxiety #romantic moxiety #patton sanders #virgil sanders #platonic prinxiety #moxiety fan fiction #dani writes

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a-pretty-nerd · 4 years

Text

Run (Jasper Jordan x Reader College!Au)

Request: “Hoi I wanna request a story sadly I don’t have Patreon though so u prob won’t make it hehe. It’s a Jasper Jordan x reader fan fic also I would love if it a High school/college Au and the readers parents don’t approve Jasper so she has to sneak out every time she wants to meet him but soon she finds out she’s pregnant so she runs away with him? Also your work is amazing!” ~ @deadqueeen

A/N: I was just about to say, “I’ve never done a college au before, uwu!” but I forgot about that entire self indulgent smut I wrote…big Oof. Anyways, love this idea, I love some good ol’ fashioned angst. Just a warning though, I did end up leaning heavily into the relationship reader has with their parents so just be prepared for some upsetting interactions.

If you like my work, don’t be afraid to interact! Gimme a like, comment, message, send a request my way if you like! And if you’d like to support me further, go ahead and check out my Patreon! I’d love to see you there!

Trigger Warnings: Mild Smut, Parental abuse, petting crime, and Pregnancy.

College was stressful as it is, but as the months passed, things were getting harder and harder to manage. Come your freshman year, a little thing called Covid-19 hit the world, sending it into a whirlwind of stress and unease.You sat in the shower, letting the warm water fall over your aching body as you stared blankly at your knees. After your panic attack you were left void of emotion and thought, sitting there wondering what to do and how to move. The water was a calming reminder that you were still present and very much alive.

Things had changed very quickly and yet it felt like that change took forever to get to you. Covid hit right before the end of your freshman year, forcing you to move back in with your parents until it “passed.” But it wasn’t passing and now you were starting your sophomore year at home.As stressful as it was, you missed school. You missed your friends, your dorm room, even your part-time job. But most of all, your freedom. You missed the carefree way in which you lived in the dorms. You had a taste or real life and you craved more.

You were trapped, for lack of a better word, imprisoned in your childhood home. You spent days without leaving the confines of it’s walls in a failed attempt to keep you safe and focused on school. Your parents weren’t always so strict, but they made it clear that school should be your top priority and anything else was an unwelcome distraction. Things like your boyfriend, were merely a hindrance to your education.You met Jasper your first day in the dorms. He was bright and smiling like an excited puppy, eager and willing to make new friends and new experiences. You quickly became friends, and then a little more. Before you knew it, the two of you were inseparable. He made you feel so wild and free. He nurtured the fun, carefree side of you that you didn’t even know existed. He cared for you in ways no one ever had before. He was so funny and kind and genuine. He gave you the tools to grow, and with his, you bloomed.

When the pandemic hit, it devastated the two of you. Being isolated and kept from one another proved too much to bare. You remember the first night you snuck out with him, terrified of alerting your parents. They hated Jasper, they forbade you from seeing him. Told you he’d do nothing but keep you down and stifle your potential. If only they could see how happy he made you. If only, they cared.Jasper would creep around to your backyard and gently tap at your bedroom window. 12 am, they’d always be asleep, the perfect time to make a quick get away and then 6am, you’d sneak back through your window.

The adrenaline of misbehaving always drove you crazy. Sneaking around in the dark of the night, stealing chased kisses from one another until it was too much to handle. You fell into each other’s arms almost every night, desperate kisses and moans in between the sound of skin slapping against skin. He made your hair curl.You were his first. He was awkward and silly at times but you whipped him into shape real quick. And now, he was a well trained boy toy ready and willing at any moment you desired. He was always so desperate for you, so needy and greedy for your body. But his kisses, no matter how passionate and crazed, were always so loving. He adored you in every way.

These secret rendezvous went on for months, all summer, it was routine, you couldn’t stay away from him. But, maybe you should have. With more classes fast approaching, you began to think about your future. If only you had the money to move out, you and Jasper could finally have a sense of normalcy. You could move in together, start a life together. But the pandemic and school sucked your savings dry and without the conditioned help from your parents, you were penniless. You finally stood on your shaky legs and lifted yourself out of the show. You dried yourself off, shuffled over to your room, dressing yourself, and waiting till the coast was clear. When all was quiet, you texted Jasper and soon he was at your window. Lucky for you, he wasn’t a far drive away. He gently tapped on the glass and leaned down to flash a big goofy grin from behind your curtains. You opened the window and let him in, shushing him as he fell into the room.

“Hey sweetness.” He whispered, loudly. He planted a soft kiss on your cheek as he held you by your hips.“Please be quiet, you’re making me nervous.” You hushed. His smile disappeared slowly as he examined your face. Your red eyes and puffy cheeks gave away your emotions. He was never good at reading a room, but there was little you could hide from him. He made you transparent.

“Have you been crying?” Worry washed over him as he placed his hands to hold your head and slide his thumbs over the soft skin on your cheeks. You tried to avoid his gaze but failed miserably.“Yeah…” You admitted, wiggling out of his grasp so you could sit on the edge of your bed. Your heart started to race, the anxiety and fear wrenching its was through your body. Even the thoughts made you want to cry again.

“Whats wrong? Did something happen with your parents?” You’d been having fights with them for some time now, and he knew it was taking a tole on you. Jasper offered to being you home to his folks, but his relationship with them was on the rocks as it was. Your small group of close friends were your only support. All things considered, the two of you were left on your own. “No…” You muttered, unable to bring yourself to say it out loud. The tears quickly came back up and started falling again. Your emotions, your fears, your pain took over you. You couldn’t get out a single word before your body jerked uncontrollably as you sobbed. It left a slew of incomplete words spewing from your mouth. “I-I….I-I I’m ….. Mmmm …. I’m …..” gasp, sob “Mmmmmha….” and the sobbing continued.

“Hey…Hey…It’s okay.” He cooed softly to you as he rubbed soft, slow circles on your back. It helped, but not much.“N-No…” you shook as you cried, “I’m-m-m-”

“It’s alright, take deep breaths, you don’t have to say anything until you’re ready.” He whispered to you. You clung to him desperately. It took time, but soon you felt good enough to speak again.“Jasper…”

“What sweetness?” He flashed you his kind and loving smile.“I’m pregnant.” You uttered softly. You watched the color drain from his face. His sweet smile faded away to a scowl and the fear rushed back to you. The sobbing started again as you chanted apology after apology, begging for him to stay with you. He didn’t move, he only held you where you were. Finally spoke.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. This isn’t your fault. We tried, we were safe, it’s not your fault. Shhhhh. It’s okay.” Suddenly a bright light interrupted him. Your bedroom door swing open to reveal the large, looming figure of your mother. “What the hell is going on here!” She screamed. You watched in horror as your mother wrenched Jasper from your arms and threw him out into the living room. You followed her, pleading and begging her to stop as she hurled whatever was in reach at him. Shoes, pillows, plates, before your father reached around his collar to throw him out of the house.

The yelling and screaming continued through the night until the sun came up. Your father nailed your bedroom window shut. Your mother locked your door by pushing furniture in front of it to keep you inside. Your phone, your computer, every form of communication was taken from you. Every mistreatment and punishment being underlined by some iteration of, “this is for your own good” or “this is because we love you.”

You felt stuck in an emotional limbo for days on end as they kept you prisoner. You didn’t have the energy to cry or argue, there was nothing you could do or say. You had sit and stay, like a good girl.

One night you were woken by a soft tapping at your bedroom window. You jolted out of bed to see a pair of familiar eyes pear back. Monty stood on the other outside, a face mask and baseball cap hiding his features. He held up a notebook with writing on it and pressed it against the glass.

“Are you okay?” It read. You rushed to find paper and write back.

“I’m fine. Wheres Jasper?”

“Your Dad threatened to shoot him if he saw him again. So he sent me.” He wrote back.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. We’re busting you out of here.”

“How? They’re getting security cameras installed tomorrow.” Monty looked visibly concerned and thought for a moment before responding.

“Then we’ll have to do it tonight. Pack what you can. We’ll be back to get you in an hour.”

“How are you going to get me out? The window is nailed shut, I can’t get out.”

“Don’t worry. Just be prepare to run.” And with that, he left. You packed what you could. A few items of clothing, necessities, and water. You thought about leaving a note. Maybe telling your parents about your pregnancy, they had missed that part of your conversation, thank god. You decided against it, you still didn’t know what to do. Regardless, it was safe to say you could kiss your funding for school goodbye. You’d be on your own from now on. Well, not entirely.

You heard shuffling outside your bedroom window and looked outside to see two dark figures racing past. You watched as Bellamy peered in, face also obscured by a mask, and waved at you. Jasper’s mask covered face popped into view and planted his palm on the window before holding up a notebook.

“Get away from the window, and be prepared to run.” It read. As soon as you nodded in agreement, Jasper disappeared from view. You watched Bellamy swing his arms back with a crow bar in hand. The window shattered with a loud crash, glass flying all over your bedroom. He reached a hand out to you, his grasp firm as you clung to his forearm. You were pulled through to the outside and fell to the ground below.

“Go, go, go, run!” Bellamy whispered, loudly. You looked up at your parent’s house as the sound of dogs barking rang in your ears. Lights flew on from the house as well as neighbor’s lights. You felt so stiff and ridged. The urge to run suppressed by your fear. Jasper reached down and took your hand in his. You looked up at him, his eyes wide with urgency. He tugged at your arm, begging you to get up and run with him.

Suddenly, you felt free. You felt the strength to get up and push forward. Running with him to a car parked outside the house. The three of you bolted, tripping over yourselves as you raced against the clock. As soon as you were in the car, Octavia greeted you with a big toothy grin.

“Drive! Drive!Drive!” Jasper shouted at her. Her smile disappeared as she looked back at Jasper with you before her attention went back to the car. The engined roared as she adjusted the gears and soon you were off. Still panting, you looked back at your childhood home and saw your parents tumble out of the front door to try and chase after the car. Your dad tried to chase after the car, but stopped when he realized it was no use. Their figures soon disappeared.

Octavia cheered triumphantly as you turned back to catch your breath. A great big smile stretched across your face. You’d never felt so free before. You looked over to see Jasper still panting but sporting a bright smile as he looked at you. He reached a hand around the back of your head and pulled you in for a passionate kiss. You laughed and basked in the blissful feeling the adrenaline gave you.

Soon the moment passed and you were left holding one another’s hand as Octavia drove you to Bellamy’s apartment. You stayed the night, planned your escape. Apparently Jasper’s parents didn’t know he was leaving either, meaning the two of you were officially on the run. You had to leave town, like, now.

You pooled what money the two of you had, quick to take cash out of your account before your parents could freeze your debit card. Enough to get you out of town and settled in a hotel for a few nights, maybe even a few meals. But you couldn’t afford much without work after that. Lucky for the two of you, a friend from the dorms lived just a town over. You could stay with her a few days while you looked for work.

“What are you going to do?” Bellamy asked with a dark expression as he stared at you.

“What?” You were confused, hadn’t you just laid out your plan?

“Jasper told me you were...you have another problem.” His eyes flashed between the two of you before resting on you again, he was careful to not say anything too pointed.

“Oh...I...I don’t know.” You said under a whisper. Jasper rested a firm hand on your knee.

“How long have you known?” Octavia asked.

“Like a few days. Theres still time to think about it, I just...I just wanna get out right now.” Bellamy nodded his head.

“If you guys need anything, don’t be afraid to call okay?” He handed you a prepaid phone. You thanked them for your help, packed up, and left the next night. You hid under masks and baseball hats as you sat at the bus station. The cool night air brushed against you skin as you admired the bright lights of the street lamps above. Jasper squeezed your hand in his to get your attention. You looked at one another and smiled under your mask.

You’d never tell him this, but during the coarse of your relationship you had always worried about Jasper. Worried that maybe you weren’t as serious as you felt. Maybe you were just a little fun to him, the rush of a forbidden romance being what drove him to you. But now, with him so willing run. So willing to leave his comfortable life just for you. Regardless of the responsibilities that came with it. He chose you, without a second thought, he chose you.

The dark street road was empty and serene. You watched as bats flew down to catch bugs that swarmed the lights above you. Despite your situation, you felt safe and warm there beside him. For the first time, you felt confident that everything is going to be okay.

#jasper jordan #jasper jordan imagine #jasper jordan smut #jasper x reader #jasper jordan x reader #The 100 #the 100 au #The 100 college au #the 100 imagine #jasper jordan x pregnant reader #jasper

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weasleydream · 4 years

Text

Their girl

Here it is!! I have to admit I’m proud of this one (that’s why I even made a teaser) and I really hope you will love it too!

Just for information, a part is based on HBP movie and I’ve used a citation from Dr. Seuss (Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.)

I really hope you enjoyed as much as I did, and don’t hesitate to give me feedbacks and to comment, like or reblog!

Masterlist

(gif not mine)

Teaser

The trail was narrow, so narrow that the brambles growing on each side hurt my legs through the torn fabric of my jeans. I held my wand as tight as possible with my right hand while I constantly wiped my sweat from my forehead with my left one. My breath was jerky and my lungs were burning, along with my legs, but I couldn’t take the risk to stop now. I had to reach the cavern as soon as possible; I had to tell Sirius he was caught. The screams were getting louder and louder behind me. I didn’t have to turn around to see they were catching up with me. Suddenly, the somber entrance of the cavern appeared in front of me.

Something was wrong. When I had left, the ivy was arranged so that it could hide the cavern, but now it was on the ground. Fearing that Sirius had already been found, I used my last strengths and ran in the cavern. Sirius was nowhere to be seen, but George was here. He was standing a few meters away from me, looking at me with the same look full of hatred than my pursuers.

“You lied to me.”

His voice was hoarse, and I heard all the venom he probably wished he could have spit. His hands were clenched in fists and he took a few steps forward. I feared him. What if he hit me? The George I knew would have never done it, but the boy in front of me wasn’t really him. It was a copy, just a copy whose goal was to destroy me at all costs.

Absorbed by George, I hadn’t realized the screams were louder than ever. I suddenly felt their presence behind me and I slowly turned around, deciding giving my back to George was less dangerous than ignoring what was behind. When I saw their bodies, I gasped loudly and my weak knees stopped supporting me. They were both dead, their faces covered in blood as it seemed like they had been severely beaten. Crimson drops fell regularly from a strand of Sirius’ hair. Remus’ scars were completely invisible underneath the bruises. My loud cry echoed in the stone and I clasped my hands on my mouth.

The crowd in front of me opened, people stepping backward with a sort of silent respect emanating from them. He walked slowly toward me, his snake eyes fixed on mine and his smile more terrifying than anything else.

“They are dead because of you, Y/N. You are the responsible of their death. They are dead because of you.”

Lord Voldemort took his wand and pointed it on me. In a last attempt to stay alive, I jumped on my feet even though I was too desperate to find a way to escape. It was useless, though, because George’s arms were maintaining me firmly in front of my death.

“They are dead because of you, Y/N. They are dead because of you. Because of you. Because of you..”

I suddenly woke up, tangled in the sheets that were now soaked with my sweat. I sat and pushed furiously with my legs until the wet fabric fell on the floor and I threw my pillow against the wall, for good measure. I had felt my tears on it, and the salty drops were still rolling on my cheeks. I tried my best to calm my breath, but the terror that had taken over me was too strong. I abruptly got up and hit the nearest wall. Once, twice. I only stopped when my breath became less shaky and I felt the blood flooding from my knuckles. I decided I didn’t care and sat on the floor, the back resting against the wall, and like absolutely every night since I had to stay with Sirius, I thought about both my life and my nightmares.

I was an orphan. I had spent all my childhood in a muggle orphanage, not understanding why strange things happened around me and not around the others. One day, I had received Professor Dumbledore’s visit and he had explained me everything. The magical world, Hogwarts, he had even given me some informations about the first wizarding war that had killed both my parents. A few weeks later, I had sat on a stool with the Sorting Hat on the head and ended in Gryffindor. During my first years, I had made a lot of friends, I had played Quidditch… I wasn’t in the team, but my two best friends, Fred and George Weasley, had taught me everything about their favourite sport and whenever they invited me to their house, we would play during hours. Everything had changed during my sixth year, when I had met Sirius Black, who had escaped Azkaban the previous year. It was the very first breakout, and he was known as a dangerous murderer. But one day, as I was walking alone in Hogsmeade, three older men had attacked me and dragged me behind an empty shop. I didn’t know what would have happened if a huge black dog hadn’t showed up at this moment. Saying I was surprised when I saw the dog turning into Sirius Black and when I had understood he had saved me would be an understatement. However, I hadn’t been afraid. Something in his eyes, the desperation he showed me was enough for me to trust everything he had said. The following weeks, I had brought him food and blankets to make sure he would survive, even if I was obviously not the only one. I had always been careful not to be seen, but one day, two kids had followed me and seen Sirius. We had both seen them, and we knew they would denounce me. From this day, I hid with Sirius and no one never had any new of me, except Remus Lupin who was the only one to know where we were along with Dumbledore. The only thing I truly regretted was my bond with the twins, and even a bit more with George, who I liked very very much.

From this day, the nightmares haunted my nights, and I always had one solution. I eventually decided to get my ass up and left my room in the 12, Grimmauld Place. I came downstairs, hoping I would find Sirius in the living-room. A fire was burning in the chimney, which obviously wasn’t for the temperature, because since the beginning of the summer, London was a burning hell. No, I knew the cracklings of the fire were something quite reassuring for Sirius when he was woken up by his own nightmares. I found him lying on the couch. His eyes were closed but there was no snore escaping from his mouth.

“Sirius,” I whispered. “Please, groan if you’re awake.”

Indeed, he groaned loudly and opened his eyes after an ostensible yawn intended to make me understand how he wanted to sleep.

“Come on, make me some room.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and sat, letting me enough space to sit next to him.

“You want to talk about it?” He asked with a hoarse voice.

I knew he was looking at me, probably as worried as each night. And like every night, I shook my head, he sighed, passed an arm around my shoulders and recalled a funny story of his Hogwarts years. And as usual, I thought of how lucky I was to be with him, and how he and Remus were the closest things to a family I had ever had.

Remus arrived soon in the next morning to announce us we would have some visit. It was quite unexpected: in fact, since the end of June, Sirius, Remus and I had been the only ones in this scary house. When I recognized Dumbledore’s half-moon spectacles, my mouth fell wide open.

“I’m glad to see you too, miss Y/L/N.” He said with a smile. “I have to admit I would have been curious to see the results you would have obtained with your NEWTs but, what do you want, I guess it wasn’t meant for you.”

I shrugged, not really knowing what to answer. Even if I wasn’t an Hogwarts student anymore - and this thought always made my heart sting a bit - Albus Dumbledore was the kind of person who was intimidating, the kind you didn’t want to say stupid stuff in front of.

“But I’m not here to embarrass you with school problems. According to the situation we are facing, I want to inform the three of you that from now, the Order of the Phoenix rises from the ashes.”

I knew perfectly well what the Order of the Phoenix was. Dumbledore himself had told me about it a few years ago, back in the orphanage, and Sirius and Remus had also told me plenty of stories about it. But that wasn’t really a shock; after all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was back and someone had to stop him. What shocked me was what Dumbledore told us after, with his piercing eyes fixed on me as if he knew how affected I would be.

“The Order has already found new members. Before the end of the week, the Weasleys will install here and help with the meetings. Molly and Arthur want to participate, and they will bring five of their children.”

After that, I was too taken aback to listen to their discussion. I caught a glimpse of Remus’ eyes on me before I stormed out of the kitchen where we had been and joined my room. Although I desperately wanted it to be a joke, a voice in my head whispered viciously I would have to face the twins in less than a week. My best friends, my first crush, whose several letters had always been ignored because I couldn’t take the risk to answer them… In the last one I had received, they had written they thought maybe I was dead. Maybe someone had kidnapped me, and when they had looked for me, they were too late. It was painful to read that, to know how pained they had been whereas I was alive, just unable to give them any information.

And they were going to live in this house for an entire summer.

“Bloody hell!” I shouted.

The door opened and Remus’ head appeared. He had obviously understood what was going in my mind as he sat next to me and ruffled softly my hair. I had noticed it was his way to show me some affection, because he was way more timid than Sirius who never hesitated to hug me if he wanted to.

“I know it will be difficult for you, Y/N, but it will be okay.” He said.

Something in his voice was reassuring, it was a true gift he had. No wonder why he had been every Hogwarts student’s favourite professor, me included. Despite his terrible condition, this guy had the biggest heart I had even seen.

“What if they hate me?” I whispered, looking up to him with teary eyes. “I haven’t shown any sign of life, they think I’m dead. What if they hate me for lying to them?”

“Technically, you didn’t lie, you just hid a part of the truth.” It was Sirius, whose shoulder was resting against the doorframe.

“Thank you, Sirius.” I narrowed my eyes at him and he grinned. Without even looking, I knew Remus had rolled his eyes.

“But Remus is right. Don’t worry, it will be okay. And if it isn’t, this house is big enough for you to avoid them.”

Sirius quickly dodged the pillow I had thrown to him and left with a laugh. Remus patted my shoulder and followed him, letting me alone with my thoughts.

I thought I was prepared. Hell, I had learned a speech to explain my situation, and to apologize. I should have known I would froze as soon as I would see them. And Merlin, it didn’t miss. The first ones to enter the house were Molly and Arthur. I recognized their voices, unable to see them because I was hidden in the kitchen. They had been like my parents, they had welcomed me in their house, and all of sudden, I felt the urge to jump in Molly’s comforting embrace. I had to remind myself I wanted to see the twins first. They immediately followed their parents and my heart skipped a beat when I heard them for the first time in months.

“I didn’t think I could visit a place dirtier than Filch’s office.”

I was pretty sure it was Fred. I couldn’t help but smile genuinely. George said something I couldn’t understand, and I heard Sirius describing them the way to the kitchen, asking them to grab something for him. Apparently, one of them wanted to use his wand - I suddenly remember they were now allowed to use magic outside school - but Sirius dissuaded them by showing the lovely portrait of his mother. A few seconds later, the door opened, and the twins stepped in the kitchen.

The only noise was the one of the door closing as Fred and George looked at me with round eyes and wide open mouth. I stood in front of them with what was probably the dumbest look ever seen on my face but unable to remember a bloody word of my speech. The first one to react was George, and before I could even process the fact that he had blinked, he was engulfing me in a bone crushing hug. Fred soon followed and I found myself in the middle of a Weasley sandwich in no time. I had imagined plenty of scenarios for this moment, but me bawling my eyes out in their arms wasn’t really what I expected. If anything, I would have thought the contrary would happen.

I would be unable to say how long we stayed like this, but no one interrupted us. I supposed Sirius and Remus had explained the situation to everyone by now, and they wanted us to sort things out.

“Why?” That was Fred’s first words for me. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What the hell even happened?” continued George. “Y/N, we thought you were dead. Dead! You just disappeared, like this and... “

“And we’ve felt so fucking guilty!” exclaimed Fred. “We thought it was our fault, that we shouldn’t have let you alone and -”

“Stop.” I had murmured but they both shut up, obviously waiting for an explanation.

And I gave it to them, without omitting any detail (except my crush on George), I told them everything from the day Sirius had saved me until the previous week when I had freaked out when learning they would come. I told them about my nightmares and how badly I had wanted to send them an owl, how guilty I had felt when I had read their last letter. They listened to me without saying anything, the same look in the eyes. I was unable to read them right now, their faces were closed and they weren’t even looking at me. When I finally finished, a heavy silent took place.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” I felt something like anger boiling in my veins, even though I knew I shouldn’t be the angry one.

“It’s a lot to process.” Fred said quietly.

“Y/N, I don’t think you understand…” If I didn’t know him better, I would have thought George was on the verge of crying. “We’ve hoped you were alive, somewhere… They have told us you were probably gone on your own, but we knew better than that. Then they have told us maybe you had been kidnapped, and you were probably dead. They… They wanted us to let go of you, to forget you, and we have.” I felt my heart stinging. “We have because it was too painful to think you had given up on us, and it was even worse to think you were dead. You can’t blame us for not knowing what to think. You just can’t.”

With that, he turned the heels and left, followed by Fred. None of them even looked at me, and if they had done so, they would have seen the most broken expression I had even shown. I knew it would be difficult but I had hoped they could understand they weren’t the only ones suffering in this. I had been forced to give up on my life, on the only place that had been home for me. I had lost my first real family.

I decided to avoid everyone and hid in my room for the rest of the day. When the diner approached, my stomach started to rumble but I refused to go downstairs and risk to run into Fred and George. I wanted to see Molly and Arthur along with Ron and Ginny and the mysterious fifth sibling accompanying them. However, I feared the same reaction than the twins, and I didn’t think I could handle that.

A soft knock on the door interrupted my thought. I ignored it, hoping that whoever was here would understand and leave me alone.

“Hey, groan if you’re awake.”

I chuckled despite myself and dragged my tired body to the door to let Sirius in. I immediately came back to my bed and dramatically threw myself on it.

“I guess it didn’t happen like you wanted.”

I shook my head, my face still hidden in the pillow. I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“I understand it’s hard but it will be okay, Y/N. Remus and I have explained everything to Molly and Arthur. Molly told us she would talk to Fred and George but only if you bring your ass downstairs. I think she wants to know if we feed you correctly.” I laughed.

“We’re lucky she wasn’t with us in this cavern then.”

Sirius faked an horrified expression.

“Merlin, you’re right. She would have killed me and fed you with more mashed potatoes than a normal human being could ever eat.”

“Or killed you too for scaring her like that.” Remus passed his head through the door and smiled at me. “The dinner is ready, prepared by no one else than Molly. Come on Y/N, you can’t miss that.” He added when I shook my head.

I gave up and followed Remus and Sirius downstairs. They went directly in the kitchen and I timidly followed them. The conversations suddenly stopped and a loud noise echoed. Molly had dropped the dish she was holding and rushed toward me, her arms wide open. Without thinking about it, I threw mine around her neck.

“Y/N, I’m so happy to see you! Oh, dear, you have no idea how worried we’ve been!” She lowered her voice and murmured in my ear: “Don’t worry for Fred and George. They are quite surprised, but they have missed you so much…”

I smiled weakly and Molly returned to her dish. I saw Arthur conversing with Remus, but the twins were nowhere to be seen. On the other hand, Bill’s presence was a pleasant surprise. I had always gotten along with all the Weasley family, even Percy who would always want to play chess with me, even if he always lost. I also saw Ron and Ginny, the latter sending be a broad smile before hugging me. I suddenly realized how much I had missed them and I felt my heart swelling with joy. It would have been a perfect dinner if the twins had been there.

Later that night, another nightmare woke me up. I straightened in my bed, my shoulders shaking in the rhythm of my sobs. The look of hatred the Fred of my nightmare had thrown me was engraved in my memory, and the voice of his brother saying he hated me echoed in my ears. A shiver ran down my spine, and I caught myself fearing the dark around me. Suddenly unable to stay here, I rushed out of my room, not really bothering to be silent as I ran downstairs. I needed more than ever to see Sirius, to hear one of his stories or literally anything that would make me forget my nightmare. According to the crackling of the flames I heard, he was there. I found him sitting on the usual couch with a wooden box on the knees. His shaky hands were holding a letter. I stopped, fearing he wouldn’t accept my presence tonight, but Sirius looked up to me and a sad smile appeared on his face.

“Another nightmare?”

I just nodded, a huge lump in my throat preventing me from saying anything. I sat next to him and waited patiently for him to tell me what he was reading.

“It’s one of the last letters Lily Potter has sent to me. This,” he said while handing me a photo, “is the photo she has sent with the letter. It’s Harry, it was his first birthday.” He pointed at baby Harry, whose forehead was still free from any scar. “And this is James.” Sirius stifled a sad laugh while looking at his friend’s legs. It was the only part of his body we could see, and I could tell he was running behind Harry. “I wish I could have been here…” murmured Sirius.

I didn’t know what to say. Quite fortunately for me, Sirius sighed and put the letter and the photo back in the box. He delicately carried the latter to the table and came back next to me.

During the following days, I spent a lot of time with Ginny and Ron. They told me everything that had happened in my absence, carefully omitting all twins-related subjects. I also talked a lot with Molly, mostly about futile things as cooking and Charlie’s work in Romania. Arthur and Bill weren’t here often. We also received Nymphadora Tonks’ visit a few times, along with Alastor Moody’s one. However, despite the several persons surveying the corridors of this house, I felt more alone than ever.

My second proper conversation with Fred and George happened almost a week after the first one. I had done my best to avoid the cleaning of the house. When Sirius and I were alone here, the dust and the spiders weren’t a problem, but Molly wanted the place to be as livable as possible. I had pretended I was sick, which had earned me narrowed eyes from Remus, and I was now alone in my room. I was curled up on the threadbare seat in front of the window, looking at those who had the chance to be able to walk in the street. The door opened so slowly it didn’t make any noise. What warned me was the squeak of the floor and I turned vividly the head to see George closing the door.

“I heard you were sick.” His voice was quiet and it was the first time in a week he actually looked at me in the eyes. A little smile appeared on his face. “You don’t seem at death’s door, though.”

“I just didn’t feel like cleaning all day… I swear if I see one more dead rat I’m gonna explode.”

We both laugh, two shy laughters that filled my heart with something I had missed a lot: the bliss of being with one of my best friends. George walked toward me and raised an eyebrow, asking me silently if he was allowed to sit. In response, I made him some room. He sat in front of me, in the same position and his gaze drifted for awhile.

“It’s kind of funny, when you think about it.”

George looked at me, probably alarmed by my nostalgic tone. I hadn’t realized I had spoken, but when I caught his look, I continued.

“Everyone blames everyone for what happened but in the end… It’s no one’s fault.”

“What do you mean?”

“Fred and you blame me for disappearing, and probably Sirius for showing me who he was.” He didn’t deny. “You also blame yourselves because I was alone this day. I blame myself because I was the one deciding to help Sirius, and he blames himself for involving me in this. But in fact, none of us is really responsible, you know? We couldn’t know how this would turn out…”

“You’re right, we couldn’t.” It was Fred, who had obviously succeeded in avoiding his mother too. I hadn’t heard him arrive either. “And we don’t really blame you. You shouldn’t think that, Y/N.”

“Do you think one day you’ll stop hating me?”

I sounded so pathetic but it was maybe my worst fear. If they couldn’t forgive me…

“We don’t hate you, Y/N. We have never hated you.”

George had stood up and grabbed my hand. He pulled me toward him, tightening me against his chest.

“We don’t hate you…” he repeated.

At this very moment, my heart could have stopped beating and it wouldn’t have mattered. I was happier than I had ever been, knowing that my two best friends were here with me. And my laughters were more genuine than it had been in a long time when Fred exclaimed:

“You’re adorable, but I’m starving. I’m sure it’s time for a snack.”

From this point, what was going to be a living hell became the best summer I ever had. I spent my days cleaning with Fred, George, Ron, Ginny and when they arrived, Harry and Hermione and my nights talking with the twins. Sometimes, Molly caught us three still awake at unholy hours and sent me in my room, but it was quite rare. I was pretty sure most of the time, she let me with her sons on purpose. These nights, my nightmares were worse than usual.

Fred and George’s absence during the school year worsened considerably my state. By June, I was barely able to close my eyes more than three or four hours per night and I had to admit I was a pitiful sight to see.

“Y/N, have you seen the bags under your eyes?” exclaimed Remus one evening in the middle of June.

He and Sirius had called me in the living-room and were lecturing me.

“You need to tell us what’s happening.” Whereas Remus was getting angry, which was very unusual and quite worrying, Sirius’ voice was softer and his eyes were fixing me. “You worry us Y/N. You don’t sleep enough anymore and… It seems to be worse.”

“We thought maybe you need some fresh air.” Added Remus. “We have asked Molly if you can stay at the Burrow a few days. Would you like it?”

“I don’t want to disturb.” I mumbled.

“You won’t, don’t worry. Plus, she’s asked for weeks to see you.” said softly Sirius.

No sooner said than done, I was immediately sent to pack my things in my room while Remus warned Molly I would arrive the next day. And it didn’t fail: a few hours later, I was desperately trying to escape her hug. Plus, I hadn’t eaten anything since the previous evening and a delicious smell was arriving in my nostrils from the kitchen. My stomach started to rumble and I was quite surprised I wasn’t drooling yet. Molly dragged me toward the table and put in front of me a plate with an unknown meat covered in sauce. It took the best of myself for me not to swallow everything in one bite. Molly was somewhere outside, she had warned me she was going to get some vegetables in the garden. The silence here was different from the one in Grimmauld Place. Back in there, it was heavy, charged with all the awful things said and done in this house when Sirius was younger. His constant melancholy seemed to impregnate the walls. But at the Burrow, the walls weren’t blank, they were covered in pictures and drawings. Everything in the house, from the chess board that was on the chimney to the blanket always laying on the couch during the coldest days of winter, everything here sent whoever stepped in this fabulous house a pleasant feeling of being home. Maybe Remus and Sirius weren’t wrong after all, maybe things would get better for me after staying here.

The following day was the most normal one I had in years. I woke up in Bill’s old room, joined Molly in the kitchen for the breakfast - Arthur was already at work - and spent the morning helping her with different chores. The sun being high in the sky, we decided the garden could use a bit of weeding and after the lunch, Molly handed me a pair of gloves. Taking a well deserved break, two hours or so later, I sat on a bench.

“Oh, I have forgotten to tell you!” Molly stopped in her tracks and turned toward me, smiling at me. “I’ve sent an owl to Fred and George. They are very busy with their shop but they’ll come to say hello, probably tomorrow.”

I grinned excitedly, already eager to see my best friends. I couldn’t visit them, still wanted for helping Sirius, and that was bothering me a much as them. I couldn’t help but notice Molly’s smile faltering when she mentioned the shop, and according to the look she was arbouring, I knew I was in for an entire discussion about it.

“I can’t believe they left school!” Molly exploded, making me jump. I got up and approached her. “I mean I knew they thought it was a waste of time but what if their shop doesn’t work? What are they going to do?”

“Molly, they are smart. If they left, that’s because they are confident. From what I know, they already have a lot of fans, and even if it doesn’t work as expected - which I highly doubt, everything seems always fine with these two! - they’ll find something else. Don’t worry for them.”

My answer obviously wasn’t what Molly wanted to hear, but that was what I thought. I had seen a few inventions, had barely avoided testing some others, and I knew the boys were motivated.

We gardened in silence another hour and when the heat became too much to bear, we retreated in the welcome freshness of the house. I let myself fall on a chair, completely exhausted.

“I would never have thought gardening was that physical!”

Molly laughed and replied something, but a loud noise from the chimney covered the sound of her voice. We both rushed in the living-room to see Remus barely standing on his feet. His face showed more tiredness than I had ever seen on him, more desperation too. The tears flooding from his eyes created shining trails on his cheeks.

I froze, simply unable to make my brain work long enough to ask him what was happening. Unconsciously, I kept glancing at the chimney to see Sirius appear.

Little did I know what Remus had to tell me.

“Remus, Remus tell me what’s happening!”

Molly was fussing around him, checking some injuries I hadn’t even noticed. His eyes were fixed on his knees and mine on him, and the more time passed, the more the fear crept on me. Slowly, I was understanding what had happened but when Remus finally told it, his shaky voice so different from his usual calm one, it didn’t prevent my heart from almost stopping after a few painful beats.

“Sirius is dead.”

Honestly, I didn’t think three words could be that painful. No nightmare, no I hate you from anyone could hurt that much. I never thought one day, I would feel my heart slowly cracking before exploding under the weight of my loss. He’s gone. Dead. He’s not here anymore.

I felt like I was drowning, but in the same time, I became more aware of the two pairs of eyes on me. Molly’s mouth was opened in shock, her hand was stopped in the air, as if she had wanted to put it on my shoulder, and Remus was looking at me like he was trying his best not to break down. He had just lost his best friend, one of the only people who had ever understood him, and I knew how distraught he was, but the hole in my heart was filling with anger and I found myself clenching my fists to contain it. Remus choked out a few words, trying his best to explain what had happened. It took all my will to stay calm, but when I understood Sirius had left the house to fight a stupid battle, I lost it.

“Why did he leave the house?”

My voice was quiet, muffled by the lump of pain in my throat. I was trembling as a wave of rage hit me.

“He should have never left! It was Dumbledore’s order! Why did he leave? WHY DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE?”

I was screaming non senses the loudest possible. Without realizing it, I found myself in the kitchen, enveloped in Molly’s embrace. But I wasn’t done, I needed to get whatever I was feeling out, I couldn’t let it suffocate me. I was still yelling, struggling to make Molly let go of me. She finally loosened her grip, but her eyes were still worried when she saw Remus entering in the kitchen. Understanding the silent message of his pleading eyes, she left in the living-room, letting us alone.

“Y/N, please, let me -”

“Explain? Are you gonna tell me how he’s- how he’s dead, or are you gonna find an excuse on why he left this bloody house?”

Ignoring my provocation, Remus forced himself to adopt a calmer attitude and explained everything. The Ministry, the arch. A deafening silence took place as soon as he finished, a silence I couldn’t bring myself to break because I feared I would explode once more. But hell, I couldn’t clench my fists harder, blood was already straining my skin as my nails were deep on my flesh, and I was trembling more and more. Without any warning sign, I screamed and hit abruptly the table. I didn’t even see Remus flinching when I grabbed a bowl containing fruits and threw it toward him. I missed him and frantically looked for something else. My tears were blinding me and my throat sore from screaming that much, and the floor was littered with broken glasses and scattered food.

From what I was able to see through the veil of tears covering my eyes, Remus was standing in front of me, trembling with all his being and not doing anything to stop me. He was accepting all my unfair accusations, all my hurtful words spat with venom. He didn’t say anything, obviously beating himself up with his guilt. Among my screams and my tears, I didn’t even notice Molly sneaking in the kitchen, followed by Fred and George. I only realized they were here when a pair of arms gripped me tightly and dragged me outside.

The air had considerably freshened, contrasting with the emotions boiling inside me. I found myself being hugged once more, and the feeling of two bodies pressed against mine finally got me out of the abyss. I just stayed here, my face hidden in George’s neck, sobbing and repeating I didn’t want him gone.

“My parents and now… Am I not enough? Why does no one stay?”

Fred’s arms tightened around my waist and George tensed, and I sobbed with renewed vigour. I couldn’t tell how much time passed while I was wrapped in this comforting embrace, but when I finally lifted my head, I noticed Fred was gone. George was looking at me, an hand on my lower back and the other cupping my cheek. When another tear rolled down on my face, he gently wiped it with his thumb and pressed me against his chest. He didn’t say he was sorry, he didn’t say it would be okay, he just showed me he was with me.

The sun was on the verge of going down when I considered the thought of getting inside. George’s arm was still around me, acting like a protective blanket against the cold air of the evening and the pain threatening to drown me. The sound of steps behind us made me jump, and I turned my head to see Fred watching us with a sad smile. He sat next to me and put his hand on my back.

“The kitchen was a mess, I don’t think Peeves could have done better.” He laughed softly when I let out a watery chuckle. “Don’t worry though, Mum, R- and I have fixed it.”

“You don’t need to be careful of what you’re saying around me. I need you both to be… To be just you, or else I won’t been able to do it.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be as annoying as usual.” assured George with a smirk.

“You’ll want to get rid of us in an hour.” added Fred.

“Never.” I murmured before being engulfed in another Weasley sandwich.

What got me to bring my ass in the living-room was a loud sob echoing in the house. I knew who it was, and my unfair anger immediately vanished when I heard for the very first time Remus crying. I rushed in the room and jumped on him, throwing my arms around his neck and tightening him like my life depended on it. Remus was doing the same thing, and this hug was painful, both physically and mentally. We didn’t say anything, but we both knew what it meant.

Now, it was just the both of us.

I didn’t sleep this night, nor did I even close my eyes the following one. I had to hear everyone arguing around me about what they would do with me. Molly wanted me to stay at the Burrow, Remus refused and said he would take care of me while Fred and George thought I should live with them, their main point being that I had to see their shop.

“She could help us!” had proposed George.

Only at this moment did I realize I was now free to go wherever I wanted. And it seemed like the others had understood it as well because Molly came up with the idea of sending me back to Hogwarts.

“No. I stay with Remus.”

I didn’t really recognize my voice. It was hoarse, my throat being sore from the hours I had spent crying the last two days. I felt plenty of worried eyes on me and suddenly felt oppressed. I turned the heels and escaped the overcrowded kitchen of the Burrow, preferring the silence in the garden.

I immediately recognized the hand on my shoulder, and didn’t hesitate before resting my head on his shoulder.

“I promise I’ll come to your shop soon.” I murmured. “I just don’t feel like it right now.”

“I know, love.” answered George. “Don’t worry.”

My heart fluttered when I heard the nickname he had always given me, remembering me the pain wasn’t the only thing I was allowed to feel. I caught myself hoping he would kiss me for the first time in months before mentally scolding my stupid feelings. Sirius was dead and I thought of kissing George? What was wrong with me?

I had decided to stick with Remus without thinking about what it implied. I had to go back to Grimmauld Place. Remus had been reluctant to tell me, fearing I would freak out or throw him another bowl in the face, but also because he knew how painful it would be for the both of us. “I don’t want you to suffer more than you already are.” he had told me. I knew he wanted badly to find another solution, but Dumbledore had ordered him to stay there until he figured out what to do with the house.

So here I was, unable to push this stupid door and enter this stupid house. Remus was patiently waiting behind me, but I suspected him to have a hard time too. Finally, the hand I had put on the handle five minutes ago pushed the door and I took a few steps in the dark hall. I thought I would break down and scream, the pain and the anger taking over me, but I certainly didn’t expect the numbness I was currently feeling. It was like I wasn’t controlling my own body as I climbed the stairs to reach my room, not really paying attention to what Remus had told me or to Kreacher looking down on me.

The main reason I hadn’t slept since Sirius’ death was the fear. I knew what would come as soon as my eyes would close: the nightmares would be more terrifying than ever.

“You can’t stay awake forever, Y/N.” had said George when I had confessed him my fear.

And I knew he was right, of course he was, but that didn’t prevent me from freaking out each time my eyelids closed against my will. However, in the middle of this night, as I was lulled by the crickets chirpings, I fell asleep.

The cavern was empty. I was curled up in a corner, hidden in the shadows as people kept walking in front of the entrance without coming in. I couldn’t understand their whispers, but I was pretty sure they were talking about me. Some were hissing my name with venom while metallic noises echoed against the stone. Weapons. My breath was shaky, and my arms, which were wrapped around my knees, kept trembling. Suddenly, something happened outside.

The people at the entrance seemed to panic as someone shouted among them. Rushed steps noises blurred the voices for a moment, and soon the shadow of a man appeared on the floor. His voice hadn’t this reassuring tone it used to have.

“Y/N, where are you? Come say hello… Y/N, I know you miss me. Why don’t you show yourself?”

Sirius’ voice was creepy. He seemed totally insane, yet I was so desperate to see him that I looked up. I was still hidden in the shadows and he couldn’t see me, but I could see perfectly well his knotted hair surrounding his gaunt face. He had a faint smile, but the most terrifying about him was the gleam of insanity in his eyes. I let out a gasp and Sirius pointed directly his wand on me.

“Here you are, Y/N. Come say hello, come say hello to me…”

Without realizing it, I had jumped out of bed as soon as I had opened my eyes and slammed the door open. My bare feets made no noise on the dusty floor as I rushed in the living-room.

“Sirius where are you?”

Only after my desperate call did I realize I was alone here. No cracklings from the fire, no bottle of wine on the table, no story to tell, no one to comfort me. Sirius was gone. Despite these last two days of mourning, it was the first time I completely understood what death meant, and the pain brought by this realization was too painful. I was barely aware of the screams escaping my mouth, of the tears covering my cheeks, of the blood on my knuckles as I hit the wall. I didn’t hear Remus arriving, didn’t feel his arms around me or processed the words he was saying to me. The only thing I knew was that Sirius was really gone, and he would never come back.

I opened my eyes in a room I had never seen before. I gasped loudly and practically jumped off the bed. It took me a few seconds to recognize Remus, uncomfortably sleeping on a chair on a corner of the room. His face should have been relaxed, yet I still could see little wrinkles around his eyes and on his forehead. While looking at him, I also remembered the previous night. The nightmare, the living-room, Sirius. Just thinking of him was incredibly painful and I let out a sob. Remus immediately woke up and was next to me in a split second. He engulfed me in a hug, pressing my shaking body against his chest.

“You were screaming.” he murmured. “And crying. Just before passing out in exhaustion, you said you didn’t want to see this place… I thought I could bring you here. We’re at my house.”

“Thank you.” My voice was so muffled by his neck, where I had hidden my face, that I wasn’t even sure he could hear me. “But Dumbledore -”

“It doesn’t matter.” Remus interrupted me with a very soft voice. “You matter.”

“How did he die?”

My question seemed to shock him as I felt him tensing. He slowly pushed me away to look at me in the eyes, probably expecting to see tears. And he was totally right: my sight was blurry and my cheeks wet, but I needed to know how it had happened, or else I knew I wouldn’t find peace. Remus understood that and told me everything, from Harry’s connexion with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to the fight in front of the ark. When he finished, the silence seemed to last for hours before I eventually found something to say.

“He was laughing… He was in the middle of a fight with Death Eaters and he was laughing…”

“Yeah, we know how he is…” answered Remus with a nostalgic tone.

None of us bothered to correct what he had said. Maybe because deep down, we knew Sirius would always be there.

I was so drown in my own grief that I hadn’t really realized I wouldn’t be the only one suffering. There was Remus, of course, even though he was always hiding his feelings in front of me so that I could focus on mine, but there was also Harry.

Remus had told me a few members of the Order would accompany the Weasleys to welcome Harry and Ron back at King’s Cross. He had insisted that I should go with them, that it would be nice to get out of the house, which I hadn’t done once. When the day of their return arrived, Remus and I met Tonks, Mad-Eye, Molly, Arthur, Fred and George. The twins both hugged me but they didn’t say anything about Sirius, which I appreciated. I didn’t want to talk about it, about my pain and my sadness, but when I saw Harry appearing after walking through the barrier and the look he sent me, I realized I had to tell him something. Anything. Sirius had been his godfather, after all.

Once Harry and Ron were done with the traditional welcoming, our group moved toward the Dursley family and I took this opportunity to grab Harry’s arm. He immediately stopped, letting everyone take a short advance before turning toward me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered before scolding myself.

He had probably heard that a thousand timed and that was certainly not what he needed to hear now. However, much to my surprise, he nodded and put an hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry too… It’s my fault.” My heart ached when I heard the desperation in his voice.

“No.” He looked at me, obviously surprised to hear my harsh tone. “It’s not your fault Harry, it has never been.”

He choose to ignore what I had just said.

“You’re the only one who understands me.” He murmured. “They are all saying they are sorry, that he was someone good, but no one didn’t really know him, you know? We’re the only ones and I… I appreciate what you did, Y/N.”

He left without explaining what he meant and joined the Dursleys. After one last hug, Fred and George left too, saying they were busy and their family and Mad-Eye followed them. Tonks decided to stay with us a bit longer, and Remus invited her for the tea. I caught them exchanging a knowing glance, but I knew I would find out about what it was. Indeed, half an hour later all three of us were sitting in the living-room, drinking our tea in a comfortable silence. Remus suddenly stood up and patted my shoulder, announcing he had something to do, and left me alone with Tonks. She immediately moved next to me.

“I won’t say I’m sorry because I feel like that’s not what you want to hear.” She said. I nodded gratefully. “But I wanted to give you that.”

She handed me a photography she had taken a few months ago, when she had insisted she wanted to have photos of all the Order members. On this one, I was sitting between Remus and Sirius, the latter holding high a glass of wine and ruffling my hair. Remus looked like he was trying to disappear, but his smile was genuine as he was glancing on us. My arms were wrapped around their shoulders, and my grin was so large that anyone could feel their cheeks hurt just by looking at it.

Seeing it reminded me of how happy I had been with them, and it made the unfairness of Sirius’ death more painful, if it was possible. But a little voice in my head whispered something I had heard a few years ago, back in the muggle orphanage. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. And that’s what I did: I forced my lips in a smile, first weak then genuine, and I felt a weight getting off my shoulders.

“Thank you Tonks. Thank you.”

From this day, tears stopped being a daily thing. Slowly but surely, I learned how to keep my pain under control and, most importantly, I learned to open myself. Remus had always known when I was feeling down but, during the following months, it happened more and more often when he would ask me if I was okay and I would answer no instead of lying. The only thing I hadn’t really told him was this part of shadow hidden in me, the one still causing nightmares every night and remembering me Sirius was gone. I had made progresses on ignoring it, but sometimes, it was too strong for me and I broke down. That’s what happened on Christmas, six months after Sirius’ death.

All this time, I had stayed with Remus, visiting occasionally Molly at the Burrow. I had only seen the twins once, their shop occupying them to the point that they didn’t have a free day. That’s why Molly had thought she could reunite us at Christmas, and she had invited Remus and I.

It wasn’t the first time I stayed there for Christmas, and I had always loved the festive atmosphere that reigned in the house. This year wasn’t an exception, and laughters and good food filled our night. I was now sitting between Fred and George, telling Ginny funny stories about Hogwarts. I had taken off my jacket an hour ago and it was on the table in front of me, the corner of the photo Tonks had given me sticking out of the pocket. I always had it with me, it was the most precious thing I had.

We were all so caught in the peaceful ambience that none of us heard the first alarming noise. Molly was the only one to hear the second as she suddenly froze in the middle of the living-room, her eyes fixed on the outside. Our conversations stopped and we all looked at Molly.

“Mum, what’s happening?” asked Ron while he approached the window.

“Nothing.” She mumbled. “I thought I heard -”

All of sudden, Ron jumped backward to move away from the window, his skin strangely pale. Only a second later, we understood why.

I had never heard a laughter as psychotic as this one. It was high pitched, and the insanity it revealed was simply terrifying. We were all shocked, as hypnotised by the woman outside. We only reacted when two more people apparated in the garden. Without saying anything, I saw Arthur and Remus jumping on their feet and rushing outside, followed by everyone else, me included. The freezing air hit me and the tears suddenly brought in my eyes prevented me from seeing the three Death Eaters. I quickly blinked them away only to see Harry rushing behind Bellatrix Lestrange - she had killed Sirius. The shadow in me, the one I was always trying to hide, took over me and I jumped after Harry. However, someone behind me had anticipated my actions as they firmly wrapped their arms around my waist. I screamed, trying to get rid of George and hitting his face in the process, and my anger increased when Remus followed Harry.

“Let me go! GEORGE LET ME GO!”

But he didn’t. Instead, he pulled me against him and murmured in my ear Remus and Harry would be okay.

“No you don’t understand, I need to -”

Suddenly, a wave of almost unbearable heat hit us all. The Burrow was burning. A sob died in Molly’s throat as she witnessed her home disappearing in front of her. My heart stung when I thought of all the memories everyone had here, Molly’s kitchen, Fred and George’s prototypes. I felt like another person was in my body when I thought that my jacket was still in there -

My jacket. With the photo inside. Maybe I was totally crazy, maybe the shadow I feared was real, in fact I didn’t know why I did this, but I suddenly escaped George’s embrace and ran in the burning house. I immediately felt the pain in my lungs as my mouth and my throat were dried with the heat. The smoke made my eyes sting with hot tears. A part of the kitchen ceiling was slowly consuming itself. I desperately reached for my jacket and as soon as it was clenched in my hands, I threw myself on the floor, hoping I could breath. The air was more breathable down there, and my sight stopped being blurred because of the tears.

I could vaguely hear people calling for me, but the cracklings of the fire were way too loud for me to hear correctly or simply answer, as I didn’t trust my voice on this very moment. Instead, I closed my eyes, I curled up in a tight ball, and listened the sounds around me, remembering the nights spent with Sirius near the chimney. I fell asleep.

After this day, Remus became more reluctant than ever when it came to letting me alone, even for five minutes. At first, he had been quite angry, every occasion being perfect for remembering me how reckless I had been and how he had thought he could trust me. I was too proud to tell him why I had done this, and to tell George and Fred too, but one day, Remus had thrown in my face Sirius would have been disappointed and I had lost it.

I had literally exploded, my loud voice echoing in all the house as I tried to tell him how important this simple photo was. At some point, my angry monologue had given way to a sob festival, the only coherent sentence I had been able to form being “I know you’re disappointed too but I love you both too much… I couldn’t let it disappear.” or something like that. From this day, Remus had stopped being angry and became more protective than he had ever been.

The twins had needed less time to forgive me, even though they just couldn’t understand why a photo seemed more important than my own life. They had been so afraid that the first thing George had told me when I had woken up at St-Mungo’s was that the next time I tried to disappear, he would tie me to a chair and keep me there for the rest of my life. Fred had added that I would never be alone anymore, them keeping an eye on me even when I would shower. Unfortunately for me, a nurse had arrived at this moment and I couldn’t hide my burning cheeks, no pun intended.

I had to admit this constant protectiveness was annoying, but it reached its peak a few months later when Remus received a letter from Dumbledore, asking him to come to Hogwarts as soon as possible, for he had to leave and wanted the school to be protected. Remus hurriedly grabbed his wand and turned toward me. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me right behind him, my wand firmly held in my hand.

“What are you doing?” he asked me suspiciously.

“Coming with you. What do you think I’m doing?” I replied. I wouldn’t miss this perfect occasion to go back to Hogwarts.

“You’re staying here. It’s too dangerous.” Remus had used his autoritary father’s voice.

“No way. Where are the I’m not letting you alone and You stay right next to me? I come with you.”

Remus was obviously torn between the urgency of the situation and the fact he wanted to convince me to stay here. But he knew how stubborn I could be and he sighed.

“You better stay safe, Y/N.”

The true happiness I had felt when I had seen the castle had disappeared for a long time as I was running near the Astronomy tower on Bill’s tail. Dumbledore wasn’t here, gone Merlin knew where, leaving three members of the Order, a few professors and a bunch of kids, me included, to protect the school against the Death Eaters. In the fire of the battle, I had been separated from Remus but Bill had made sure I was always next to him.

We had just passed the tower and were ready to turn on the next corridor when we both stopped. A Death Eater was waiting right in front of us, an evil grin revealing sharp fangs. Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf.

“Be careful Y/N, he’s dangerous!” shouted Bill.

An instant later, Greyback was literally jumping on us. Bill quickly dodged him while I threw myself on the floor. I immediately stood up only to see him savagely hitting Bill. The impact made the latter dropping his wand, and as I felt the danger arriving and lifted my wand, Greyback attacked. I was too late. Bill’s face was covered in a sea of blood and he fell unconscious. I screamed his name, barely aware that it wouldn’t help. Ensued a few attacks I barely countered, only managing to cast protective spells around Bill and I. He still didn’t move, and I was sure he was dead. This thought was what distracted me for a second, just a second, but it was a second too much. George’s face when he would see his brother dead because of me was the last thing I imagined before feeling my skin being torn apart.

I woke up in a room I had never seen before. This impression of being lost was familiar, and I turned my head, expecting to see Remus asleep on a chair next to the bed, probably waiting for me to wake up before scolding me, but he was nowhere to be seen. I put my head back on the pillow before it hit me. He’s dead. They are dead. Even with my eyelids closed, I still could see Bill lying lifeless on the floor, a pool of blood slowly growing around him. And Remus… If he wasn’t there, it had to mean that…

Suddenly, I heard a laughter coming from where I thought was downstairs. The confusion soon became relief as I thought If people are laughing, then everyone is okay. Remus is still alive, along with Bill, and I can see everyone. It’s okay. A true happiness invaded me as I quickly stood up. I wiggled my toes against the soft carpet when the feeling that something was not right hit me. I wasn’t in any kind of pain, yet I perfectly remembered feeling Greyback’s claws in my flesh, I remembered the sensation that my body was being torn apart. I hesitantly lifted my shirt - had I really put on this one the previous morning? - and saw my skin as good as new. No injury, nothing. The feeling of discomfort became more persistent and I heard new laughters. I decided to head downstairs.

The room I was in was at the end of a corridor. The walls were naked, painted in a soft beige tone. The same white carpet gave it a cosy aspect. I made my way toward the wooden stairs, passing in front of a plant and a teddy bear thrown on the floor. Once downstairs, I caught a glimpse of the sun high in the blue sky behind a big window. Other toys were strewing the floor. I followed the sound of a man’s voice I didn’t recognized and entered in a little living-room.

It’s impossible.

I was seeing him from the side and he was younger, but it was him. I had seen enough photos to recognize his curly hair and mischievous smile. Sirius was in front of me.

He turned his head, maybe because he had felt my presence, and his smile froze. His face dropped and he slowly got up, still looking at me.

“Y/N…”

His voice was still the same, hoarse and reassuring. Hearing it convinced me it was real enough for me and I ran straight in his arms. I hid my face in his neck and tightened him as much as I could, afraid to let him go and lose him once more.

“Sirius… Sirius you’re here…”

I was unable to say something else but it didn’t really matter. Maybe it was a dream, I mean it was obviously a dream, it was impossible, but it felt so good to see him. After a while, Sirius gently pushed me and looked at me.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?”

I had never seen such a sadness in his eyes, except maybe that night when he had read Lily’s letter.

“Glad to see you too.” I mumbled.

His hand reached my hair and he ruffled it, remembering me of Remus’ habit. He smiled, but it was a bitter smile, and I had the impression he wanted me to understand something because he couldn’t tell me.

“Of course I’m glad to see you Y/N. I’ve missed you so much… So much.” He repeated while grabbing my hands. “But you shouldn’t be here. You can’t be here. It would mean that you’re -”

“Dead.” I interrupted him with a blank voice.

I was dead. Greyback had killed me. Now, Remus was alone. Well, he had Tonks, she really liked him and he really liked her, but still. Then I thought about George, about Fred, about Molly and I felt like crying. However, nothing came. No tears, nothing.

“Crying here is impossible.” murmured Sirius. “We’ve suffered enough in our lives, don’t you think?”

“But it hurts…” I whispered.

“I know.”

And he engulfed me in another hug. I breathed his scent, trying my best not to succumb to the panic I felt invading me. Sirius’ hand was gently stroking my back and we stayed like this for a while before the presence of two other persons hit me. I lifted my head just enough for me to see above Sirius’ shoulder.

“You… You look like Harry.”

The man smiled. He was young, maybe four or five years older than me, but I understood why everyone said to Harry he looked like his father. James Potter seemed to be the man I had always imagined, the cool guy of the school, the Quidditch star, always up for some pranks in the school.

“I know,” he replied. “Harry’s lucky, he took the good genes if you want my opinion.”

Lily Potter hit playfully his shoulder as Sirius chuckled. She was a beautiful woman, her fiery hair bringing out her eyes. She was as pretty as everyone said.

“Sirius has talked about you a lot.” she said. “Said you’ve helped him whereas everyone thought he was a criminal. You’re brave, Y/N.”

I didn’t know what to say and choose to smile. The situation was just so surreal… I was talking with Lily and James Potter, next to Sirius who was dead a year ago, and I was dead too.

“I think you’d like to sit.” offered kindly James.

I nodded and sat next to Sirius on the comfortable couch, removing a fluffy pillow to make myself some room.

“Where are we?”

My eyes were wandering around the living-room. It was almost as comfy as the Burrow’s. Thinking about this house I would never see again was particularly painful and I pushed the thought aside when Lily spoke up.

“You’re in our house. I guess you’re here because of Sirius.” Seeing my interrogative look, she continued. “When we died, James and I woke up here, probably because it was the happiest days of our lives…” Her voice was nostalgic, but she smiled.

“I came here because the best period of my life was when James and Lily were still here.” said Sirius. “And you came here because I did.”

A silence took place as the three old friends were looking at me. Maybe they were expecting anger, or panic, or amazement, but all I could think about was how unfair all of this was. I didn’t want to die, Sirius, James and Lily shouldn’t have died, I shouldn’t be with them whereas Harry was so desperate to have his family around him.

“Your son is a hero.”

I saw James flexing his muscles and Lily flipping her hair above her shoulder, both exaggerating in their reactions, but I could tell they were really proud.

“Yeah, and involved in Dumbledore’s personal stuff, this kid is really awesome.” said James.

“How do you know this?” I asked curiously.

All of sudden, the atmosphere was no longer relaxed but tense as ever. James’ face dropped, Lily glared at him and Sirius was fixing his knees.

“No way…” he mumbled. “You can’t… No. No way.”

“No way what?” I eyed him suspiciously. “What are you hiding from me?”

“You’re still stubborn as hell, aren’t you?” Sirius was annoyed but, from the look in his eyes, I knew I had won. “Listen, I’ll tell you but there’s no way you’ll do it. Got it?” I nodded. Sirius sent a harsh look to James before sighing. “You can go back and see your loved ones but -”

“I want to go.” I had jumped on my feet and grabbed Sirius’ hand to force him standing up. “Bring me to Hogwarts. I want to see Remus and George and -”

“I said no. You won’t go see them, not right now anyway.” Sirius’ voice was firm but he looked sad.

“Why?” My voice was high-pitched as I was getting angry. “I want to see Remus! I need to tell him -”

“That’s the point! You can’t talk to them. In fact, they won’t even see you and trust me, it’s more painful than not seeing them at all.”

“You came…” I murmured. “You came to see Remus and I…”

“As soon as I woke up here. I was here when Remus told you. Molly’s kitchen hadn’t done anything to you, you know.” He added with a sad chuckle.

I stayed silent. I wanted to see Remus, to see the twins, to see Molly and Arthur but… Would I be able to just see them? To witness their pain as they wouldn’t know I’m next to them? How would it feel if I saw Remus losing it, like when he had told me Sirius was gone?

“I want to go.” I said.

Sirius sighed and extended an hand.

“Then follow me.”

Just a split second later I found myself in front of the infirmary door. It was open and, from what I could see, only one bed was occupied. I rushed toward it only to see the damages on Bill’s face. He was totally unrecognizable, as if he was wearing grotesque Halloween mask like the muggles like. The blood had been cleaned, and each wound was perfectly visible. Madam Pomfrey was busy next to the bed, manipulating deftly three vials. She was mumbling to herself while pouring the potions in a big recipe, sometimes waving her wand and pronouncing a complex formula.

“He’s okay.” said Sirius.

I jumped, having completely forgotten his presence. I was more than relieved to know that Bill was alive, that he would be okay, even if a small voice in my head whispered it wouldn’t be completely true. He had been hurt by a werewolf, and he was the one who survived the battle. He would probably feel awfully guilty, and maybe even feel like a monster if he became a werewolf.

Hurried steps echoed in the infirmary and I turned my eyes from Bill the very same moment Remus entered the room. Madam Pomfrey’s reaction was immediate. She almost dropped her vials, mumbling she never thought she would have to do this one day, and made her way to Remus. The latter was looking frantically in the room, and I knew he was looking for me.

“Remus, I’m sorry.” said the nurse.

If Sirius hadn’t grabbed my shoulder, I would have run to Remus. His face had dropped and his eyes were fixing blankly the hidden bed Madam Pomfrey had spotted. I looked powerlessly as Remus took hesitant steps, fearing whatever he would see. None of us was aware that the infirmary was slowly filling with friends of mine and members of the Order. As soon as Remus passed in front of us, Sirius followed him behind the curtain hiding the bed where my body was lying. However, I felt strangely disconnected, like unable to process the situation. I wanted nothing more than to hug Remus, tell him I would be okay because I wasn’t alone, I wanted to describe him James and Lily’s house and I wanted him to know we would wait for him all together…

My name had never sounded like a cry of agony before, and it was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever heard. Slowly, the shocked gasps escaping Remus’ mouth became screams more and more loud and painful. I took the last steps separating me from him.

The first thing I saw was Remus’ back. He was leaned over my body - it was so strange to think this - gently stroking my cheek. Only my face was visible, the rest of my body being hidden by a thick blanket. My skin was white.

“I’m sorry… Y/N I’m so sorry…” Remus voice came shaky. His hand was cupping my cheek and he lightly kissed my forehead. “It’s all my fault… I’ve lost you because I was an idiot… First Sirius then you… I love you Y/N… I love you like you were my own daughter… I’m sorry…”

He started crying and grabbed my shoulders to pull me against him. The blanket slipped in the process, showing my wounds. If Remus hadn’t seen it, Sirius had certainly and he was looking at my stomach. The bleeding had stopped for a while, but my shirt was still soaked in blood. The wound was extended from just above my brim to my ribs. The five traces of the claws were so deep that on a dozen of centimeters, the flesh was visible. No wonder why I died on the spot, I thought bitterly.

I would have done anything in my power to be able to remove the blanket so that Remus wouldn’t see the wound, but I was obviously not powerful enough. When he put my body back in its initial position with an infinite delicacy, the blanket was still on my legs, and he saw everything.

The most heart-wrenching cry I had ever heard echoed in the silent infirmary, and knowing I was the cause of his pain, he who was one of the two men I would always love like my fathers, millions of tears would have rolled on my cheeks if I could have cried.

After what felt like hours, Sirius and I were still next to my body. None of us could stop looking at it, at this awful wound and at my blood. Someone had dragged Remus away, probably back at Bill’s bed to know if he would become a werewolf, but from what I could hear his voice was distant. I knew him, and I knew how he would deal with this: by making as if nothing had ever happened, as if he wasn’t suffering, and by throwing himself in the battle to come. Suddenly, I heard the noise of several persons arriving in the infirmary and my heart almost hurt when I recognized Molly’s terrified scream. I would have definitely broken down when I heard George asking where I was. An heavy silence took place during which someone probably showed the bed still hidden by the curtain and a few seconds later, George discovered my body, soon followed by Fred. I had always thought they were tough guys, and I would have thought losing me after all that had happened wouldn’t be as hard as the first time, but when I saw George falling on his knees, I understood I was wrong. Fred froze behind him, and their eyes were both fixed on my face. I was going to make my way toward them when I felt Sirius grabbing my wrist.

“I think it’s time to go.” he murmured.

I nodded weakly and threw one last glance to George. He had gotten up and was next to me, my hand firmly tightened in his own. For a second, I wished I could feel his warm touch, I wished I could hug him and Fred, but the hand I felt enveloping mine wasn’t George’s and in a blink of the eyes I was back at the Potter’s.

James and Lily weren’t in the living-room anymore. The laughters I had heard here were long gone, the atmosphere being now tense as I fixed a glass on the table.

“I shouldn’t have let you see this.” said Sirius. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to. I needed to see them… Even if it was more painful than I thought.”

Sirius nodded, probably having felt the same thing when he had died.

“You’re back?”

James had passed his head through the opening of a door and his face immediately softened.

“I’ll ask Lily to make some tea.”

The couple came back five minutes later, Lily holding a tray with four cups and some biscuits on it. I was shocked to realize I was no longer sad, even though Remus and the twins’ faces were still engraved in my mind. I remembered what Sirius had told me earlier: Crying here is impossible. We’ve suffered enough in our lives, don’t you think? As selfish as it sounded, I agreed with this. I wanted to live a peaceful life (if we could call whatever I was experiencing a life) and to feel only happiness. Lily interrupted my thought when she handed me a cup of tea and the plate with the biscuits. I took one of them, ate it and exclaimed:

“That’s delicious!”

She laughed at my surprised tone.

“Why do you seem so surprised?”

“I didn’t think the afterlife was like living in a pretty house and drinking tea with who we want.” I said.

“You know,” said Sirius, “even if sometimes it can get boring, being here is pretty cool. The only thing you miss is your family but one day, they’ll be with you.”

“Let’s hope it won’t be before many years…” I sighed.

Slowly but surely, I understood what Sirius meant when he said it could get boring. Our days were always the same, drinking tea, watching the TV, sometimes walking outside, but there were no such things as places to work or school. Idleness was probably the goal of whoever had created this place. Some days, I was so bored that I wanted nothing more than to clean the house and storing Harry’s old toys. However, I had never done so as Sirius had told me Harry’s absence was more easy to bear for James and Lily this way.

If it wasn’t for my several visits to the ones I loved, namely mainly Remus, George and Fred, I would totally lose the sense of time, and very probably my mind too. In a way, it was always as painful as it had been the first time. That was how I found out about what George had kept secret from me all these years.

It was a few weeks after Bill’s wedding - which I had been to, of course. At the time, George had seemed a bit off to me and I was worried. I wanted to stay more with him, helplessly hoping that he would eventually see me, but Sirius didn’t agree. He was afraid I would become totally crazy. That’s why I had came to the apartment he shared with his brother as soon as Sirius had allowed me and after paying a visit to Remus. I arrived while Fred was comforting George, obviously really upset.

“Listen mate, you need to tell me whatever you won’t let me know.” said Fred. “I’m worried for you Georgie, and Mum is too. Pretty much everyone is, in fact. Come on, what’s wrong?”

“You know perfectly what’s wrong.” mumbled George.

Fred stayed silent and looked at his brother. He had probably never seen him as sad and it was really worrying. I took a few steps, wanting to be sure I could hear what would come.

“You loved her.” whispered Fred.

George lifted his head, his watery eyes fixed on the ceiling. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he didn’t bother to wipe it away. He didn’t bother to answer either, Fred already knew he was right. And I was there, looking at George who had just admitted he loved me, unable to think correctly.

How many hours had I spent alone with him while Fred was gone for pranking someone with Lee? How many times one of us had fallen asleep with their head resting on the other’s lap? How many nights had I dreamt of what I had just heard? But it was too late. We weren’t brave enough to face our feelings, and now I was dead. George couldn’t see me and I couldn’t talk to him. We would be apart for dozens of years and there was nothing we could do about it. It was too late.

After that, several months defiled without me going back in the world of the livings. I didn’t really know if it was because of what I had heard about George or because of this weight in my stomach every time I had to look away from him, Fred, Remus or Molly. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough to face this. But I knew for a fact that Sirius went regularly down there to see Harry and Remus, and I still remembered the day he came back with the largest smile I had ever seen on his face.

“The last time you made this face was when we told you Lily was pregnant.” had said James with a small grin. I had admired his bond with Sirius since day one, and at the moment I could tell he was happy to see his friend like this.

“That’s the point, my dear Prongs.”

Lily had furrowed her eyebrows.

“Well, spill the beans Sirius.”

“Moony is gonna have a baby!” he had exclaimed.

Sirius hadn’t even let us time to react before he had begun explaining everything he had heard. I was genuinely happy for Remus, knowing that he would never be alone. However, I didn’t feel like going back to the living world. In fact, the only thing that changed my mind was when Sirius arrived one day way sooner than usual announcing us the new.

“The baby is arriving!”

In no time, Sirius, James, Lily and I were outside the room where Tonks was giving birth. It appeared that we had arrived when Teddy Lupin was almost here because roughly five minutes later, a baby cry echoed in the house. We followed the sound and found ourselves in front of the most emotional sight we could witness. Tonks was lying in her bed, obviously exhausted but amazed. Teddy was in Remus’ arms, and the father was looking at his son with an almost childish fascination.

“He’s so tiny…” he whispered.

Teddy was wrapped in a blanket as blue as his hair, and only his chubby little face was visible. Remus was holding him carefully yet tenderly against him. His eyes were filled with joyful tears and he was arbouring the most genuine smile I had ever seen on him.

“I’m so proud of him.”

I turned to see James grinning and looking at his friend. His arm was wrapped around Lily’s waist and his other hand was on Sirius’ shoulder.

“He’s gonna be okay.” added the latter. “Maybe we should let them some privacy.”

James and Lily nodded and disappeared a split second later.

“Go, I follow you.” I said.

As Sirius disappeared too, I made my way to Remus and put my hand on his shoulder. I saw him slightly tensing and I could have sworn he had felt my touch.

“You’ll be an incredible father to him, Remus.” I murmured. “You’ve always been.”

All these months, we had been aware of the war preparing against Voldemort and not being able to help was really frustrating. We had decided, all four of us, that we wouldn’t try to have informations about it as we couldn’t do anything to help our friends. We didn’t know that the fight was more imminent than ever. We didn’t know that soon we wouldn’t be four anymore.

It was the very beginning of May. As every friday, we had organized a movie night and James had been a true child, insisting he absolutely wanted to watch a movie with cars in it. After a quite ridiculous argument about it, I finally gave up my idea of horror movie. Lily came back a few minutes later with popcorn and we installed on the couch. We were a bit tight but I found a very comfortable position snuggled against Sirius with my head resting on his shoulder.

The TV was playing an awfully sexist scene where a half-naked girl was washing the car of the main character - what kind of movie is it? I wondered while eyeing James - when a noise echoed from upstairs. Immediately, James and Sirius jumped on their feets and Lily grabbed my hand. I knew we all had thought the same thing - the war made another victim. According to what I could hear, two persons were upstairs. However, I didn’t perceived any hesitations in their steps and I was slowly coming to the conclusion that at least one of them knew the house when they appeared in the door frame.

“Remus!”

My mouth had been more rapid than my brain and in no time I had jumped in his arms. I felt him hugging me tightly, and his chest began to rise with a more steady pace.

“Y/N… Y/N I thought I’d never see you again…”

Then he slowly pulled me to look at me and I met his eyes.

“I missed you so much Remus…”

I saw the exact moment Remus realized we weren’t alone and who was here. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He had compulsively tightened his grip around my arms and he was now looking frantically alternately Lily, James and Sirius. He seemed to be unable to say something or even to move, and I gently pushed him toward his friends. It seemed to be all he needed and he rushed toward them, engulfing all three of them in a desperately needed hug.

“I’m sorry for Teddy…”

I had turned toward Tonks who was looking at her husband with a bright smile.

“I am too,” she answered. “But I know he’s in good hands and, as much as I would have wanted to live with him, I’m glad we’ve helped offering him a better world to live in.” I nodded, showing her I understood. “Wait a minute!” she exclaimed. “You know about Teddy?”

Remus froze.

“How is it possible? How do you know about him?”

In a few words, Sirius explained how we could travel from this world to the livings’ one. He warned them too, telling them it was really hard to see your loved ones without them knowing it. However, just looking at Sirius indicated me he knew Remus wouldn’t care and would go back to his son as soon as possible. And he was right: five minutes later, Remus and Tonks had disappeared.

After their departure, a short silence took place before being broken by James saying he wondered how Tonks had reacted when she had learnt about Remus’ furry little problem. Sirius answered her hair had standed on end and the two friends began an hilarious competition based on the jokes about hairs. I was laughing so hard that I didn’t hear the noises from upstairs, and only Lily’s interrogative face warned me.

“Who are you?” she asked gently.

I turned around and my wide opened mouth matched Fred’s one. I instinctively began to look for George because Fred without George was just impossible but… He was alone. I was so shocked that I just couldn’t react and this time, it was Fred who didn’t give a second thought and wrapped me in a strong embrace. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t either. I felt his reluctance to let go of me and I pulled him just enough to see his face.

“He’ll be alone…” he murmured.

I didn’t say anything. No word could have eased his pain, nothing I could say would make it all better or fairer. Instead, I decided to offer him the best goodbye I could give him, and grabbed his hand. A split second later, he was kneeled next to George, who was crying on his twin’s body, Fred’s hand suspended in the air, as if he was afraid to disturb his family. When he decided he couldn’t bear it anymore, he finally found the courage to put his hand on George’s shoulder.

“Don’t cry,” he murmured, “and carry on. You have to carry on for me, Georgie.”

He got up, murmured I love you Mum in Molly’s ear, passed his hand in Ginny’s hair like he used to when they were younger and joined me.

“Ready to support me? Can’t wait to discover the kind of pranks the afterlife offers!”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“Move James, we’ll be late!”

“Wait a minute, I’m hungry!”

“Fuck Prongs, we’ll miss him! I don’t care, we’ll go without -”

“Calm down Moony, I’m here!”

The animation in the house was at its peak. It had been the only subject of conversation Remus had had the last few months, and he couldn’t help but show how proud he was. Tonks was running everywhere, trying to gather everyone for she wanted us all to be there. Lily was nowhere to be found, and Fred, Sirius and I were patiently waiting in the living-room.

“Remus is going to explode!” I exclaimed when he crossed the room fuming against his bloody idiotic and blind friend and threatening to shove his antlers where the sun didn’t shine if he didn’t speed up.

“I’d like to see him try!” laughed Sirius.

“Sirius, it’s Teddy! This is so important!”

“Yeah I know but… He should know nothing happens like it should when Prongs is involved.”

Eventually, after a few threats who even scared me but only made James laugh, all our little blended family appeared on Platform 9 ¾.

“Where is he?”

Tonks was tip toeing in an attempt to spot her son in the crowd. She was holding tight Remus’ hand and she seemed so excited it even was a bit painful to see. Suddenly her face lit up and she literally dragged Remus through the various groups of parents and students. Just behind them, James had his hand resting on Lily’s back as they walked quite happily too and I was following Sirius and Fred who were busy walking through every single person they could.

We finally joined them and I glanced at Remus who was looking at his son with the same childish fascination he had always had.

“He’s a big boy now…” Remus’ voice was melancholic as Teddy was waving goodbye at Harry and Ginny.

The boy eventually went in the Hogwarts Express, finding quickly an empty compartment. A hissing warned us the train would go and he waved more excitedly to Harry and Ginny, completely unaware of the fact that his parents were here too, waving and thanking the skies they could stay by his side, always.

Living wasn’t easy. I lost my friends, I lost Sirius, I lost my life. I suffered, I cried, I hated and I loved more than I could have imagined.

But when, many years later, another ginger boy woke up at the Potter’s, when he found his twin running after me, when he hugged us, when he kissed me, I knew.

I knew that, despite the darkness, I had found happiness.

Tags: @summer-writes @coffee-wihtout-caffeine

#Harry Potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #angst #my writing #george weasley #george x reader #george weasley x reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x you #fred weasley #Remus Lupin #sirius black

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bones-and-tomes · 3 years

Text

Empty Crib

Celine wakes up in a strange room but all that matters is finding her daughter. She can hear her crying.

Celine woke to the sound of her daughter’s cries.

The crying just got louder.

Celine spoke louder this time, a hint of irritation creeping into her tone as she grudgingly removed her face from the pillow, “William, wake up. It’s your turn to check on Evelyn.”

But to Celine’s surprise, her hand made contact with an empty bed. A cold, empty, unruffled bed.

Well. William had managed to escape what certainly would be diaper duty. Lucky bastard.

She would have to be the one to get up.

The crying got louder.

Her walls were supposed to be freshly done in that lovely new art deco wallpaper she’d insisted on, not painted in a dark matte grey.

The crying got louder.

Celine scrambled forwards, practically tripping over tables, chairs, and even herself as she desperately tried to reach Evelyn. “Where are you?!”

This was all wrong.

Then a knock rang out, loud and clear, from the door.

“Dark? Dark, are you- Dark, are you okay?” A man’s voice came from the door, worry evident in his tone. She knew that voice. Celine knew that voice better than her own.

It was her ex-husband, Mark. Mark was on the other side of that door.

Why was Mark here?

Had he done this somehow? Had he brought them here? Had he drugged her somehow? Had he dragged her from her bed? Had he made this place just to torment her? Had he kidnapped her daughter?

But this wasn’t any day. This was a waking nightmare and she didn’t care who saw her, as long as she had a chance of escape. Of reaching her daughter. Of making the crying stop.

Celine almost fell against the door, her fingers scrambling at the handle for a moment, unable to get a grip on it. Finally, though, she found enough purchase to pull and the door opened wide.

Sure enough, there Mark stood.

The man before her possessed none of these traits, leaving him almost sickeningly unrecognizable as the man she knew.

Not-Mark’s jaw worked silently for a few moments as they stared at each other. “Holy shit, Dark. What the hell’s going on?”

Celine numbly realized that there were more men behind Not-Mark, all of them with the same face, all of them just like Mark. Even her William was standing at the back, wearing Mark’s face.

But he wasn’t William anymore. She remembered now that he hadn’t been William for a very, very long time. He was Wilford.

And she wasn’t Celine, she hadn’t been Celine for a century. Just like that baby, her daughter, hadn’t lived for a century.

Dr. Iplier’s face twisted in indignant disbelief, “Dark- We aren’t going back to bed- You are clearly not ‘fine-’”

The crying would never stop.

#markiplier #fan fiction #wkm #who killed markiplier #darkiplier #celine the seer #fanfiction #wilford warfstache #iplier egos #my work #my writing #child death #past child death #tw implied abuse #tw panic attack

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dragonrajafanfiction · 3 years

Text

Inner Demons

Ten minutes after midnight, Zihang felt the sudden rise in Carli’s chest that signaled another nightmare. It stirred him out of sleep and he woke up, already cradling her out of instinct, one arm curling about her shoulders under the blanket. He still hadn’t fully awakened but he could feel her pulse under his hand.

Her body suddenly jolted and she whimpered. Fully awake now, Zihang sat up slightly. Her hand was over her mouth.

“You alright?”

“I bit my tongue.”

“You were probably grinding your teeth…” Zihang only obliquely referred to her frequent nightmares, eager to help her move her mind away from them. “Let me see.”

She looked at him with a surprised innocence and then stuck out her tongue.

“It’s still there.”

She let out a whistling laugh. “Don’t tease me when I’m just awake. It’s not fair.” She turned away, bashful.

“Do you want some warm milk?” He asked, kissing the back of her shoulder.

“Yes please.” She flipped the covers over her face.

He poked her ribs through the blanket just to hear her giggle. Once he was certain she wasn’t overly upset, he walked away. Still, he called from the kitchen. “Soy or Almond?”

“Almond!”

“Do you want cinnamon with it this time?”

“...yes.”

“...one spoon of sugar?”

“...Yes!”

Her voice sounded alright. It was a promising sign. When she’d returned from her island project, she was exhausted for three days, not getting out of bed. A sneak peek at her arm revealed a very light scarring through her tropical-sun tanned skin where needles had been inserted, likely to draw her own blood.

Her blood had special properties to suppress instability in hybrids, but the effects were temporary, at most, lasting two weeks. It was likely that she was making frequent draws and banking them.

She was giving so much of herself.

This thought filled his head as he watched the timer on the microwave countdown. Caring for her like this gave him scant comfort. Her energy was back. They had returned to their morning workouts, their training, their routine. At first, this warmed him inside to new levels. He truly had missed her. But the deeper he dove into the familiar, the more he found himself in strange waters.

Despite all their trauma, these nightmares weren’t as frequent before. Carli would find herself lost in thought more often, forgetful, and, worst of all, self condemnatory. She apologized more. She needed more reassurance that he was not angry when there was never going to be any situation that he could ever feel angry with her.

The microwave beeped and he opened it up and checked the heat. It was true that she had left him for an extended period, but he had coped. Her apology wasn’t what he wanted.

What he wanted, he wasn’t sure he could ask of her.

He returned to her room with the milk. She was sitting up, on her phone, but quickly put it away when he entered the room. “Is Ru’Yi alright?”

“How did you know that was her?” She watched him move around the bed. “She’s on some school vacation. Apparently a cruise.”

“Where?”

“She didn’t say. Only she was accompanied mostly by ‘neato Africans.’” Carli said, making airquotes. She accepted the milk with a quiet thanks.

He sat down next to her, dressed in nothing but a pair of blue boxers. She leaned against him and he rested one hand around her waist. “She really has grown up well. You did a good job.”

“I did half a good job, Zihang. Team effort.” She elbowed him slightly.

“It wasn’t really effort. I enjoyed it. Very much.” He glanced at her to gauge her reaction.

“You’re a good dad.” She said, mentally lost in some memory. She tilted her head up at him. “We should visit her when she gets back. I’m sure they’ll let us back on campus.”

He hadn’t told her about his infiltration of the campus without authorization. Hopefully, it wasn’t recorded. “Probably.”

“What do you mean probably?” She put the cup back on the side table and shuffled back beneath the blankets. “You got some sort of record?”

“Not as far as I know.” He reached over to tuck her in. He then kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Okay…” She whispered. “Love you.”

“Love you.” He turned out the light.

He closed the door behind him as he left and grabbed his phone from the hall charger. Then, he made his way to Ru’Yi’s old room.

She’d taken many of her belongings with her. Her laptop was no longer on the desk and her favorite pillows and blankets were gone. The night stand and many of her clothes that were in it were missing. Indentations were left in the carpet where they had been.

Zihang leaned against the doorway, letting the thoughts run their course. No matter how good of a father Carli thought he was, he couldn’t help but regret that he’d stumbled out of the gate. Carli never blamed him for his supernatural banishment for Ru’Yi’s first few months of life, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d missed her birth, missed holding her. Her earliest childhood photos was her in the arms of another man.

Zihang wanted another chance. Would Carli allow him that? He had asked before, and her response was that it was just too dangerous. Now though, she had a breakthrough for her treatment for the over concentration of dragonblood. Was it too early to ask?

If her reaction to asking about her first child - a dull, deeply painful silence - was any clue for the answer to that question, that answer was yes. Zihang had not followed her into the red well. He’d fought his hardest to install high powered explosives to stop an influx of dead waiters into Japan. He’d blacked out, completely exhausted.

When he woke up, he found out that Carli had been horrifically injured. Lu Mingfei and Gen Chisei weren’t much better off. Everyone else that had entered that well had died. For days, Carli experienced uncontrollable bouts of crying. That’s when he’d learned about her inability to save her child. As a comfort, he offered to adopt him as his own and have a little funeral ceremony for him.

There was no body buried underneath that headstone behind Norton Hall. Just a few baby clothes, a pacifier and toys he would never get to enjoy. Along with that, they buried a note that said, “Mommy and Daddy loved you.”

Carli spent her pregnancy with Ru’Yi in terror that something similar might happen to her. She would lie awake at night, tormented by the memory of her over threshold child and projecting that onto scenarios about the future.

Recalling these things, Zihang felt that he was selfish every time he desired a son.

He looked down at his phone. Perhaps if he could figure out a little bit more about what happened, he could overcome this foolish desire of his. Carli had left him an important clue.

He scrolled down to a blank number on his phone, one only he would recognize, and dialed it. It rang once, twice, a third time. Then it picked up. There was such a long silence on the other end that Zihang started to wonder if he’d been disconnected, but then a deep voice answered him. “What happened?”

Zihang was caught a bit off guard. Was it foolish of him to call for such a petty reason? He had no reason to believe that Chisei would be happy to hear from him. They weren't particularly close. “Is this a bad time?”

“I’m assuming you were calling about your wife. I can’t imagine any other reason you’d want to talk to me.”

“Not even about the swords?”

A pause. “Okay that’s another reason…”

“But this is about Carli. Do you have a few minutes?”

“Tell me what happened.”

“I wanted to know what happened in the Red Well.”

“She hasn’t told you?” Surprise colored his voice.

“No. It’s too painful for her. If I ask her about it, she shuts down.”

“Even after all this time…” He wondered outloud.

“You’re not subject to the rules of the Executive Department any longer as well.” Zihang added.

“I swore to non-disclosure, but because it’s you, and you’re no longer affiliated with Cassell’s Enforcement Division, I’ll make an exception. What do you want to know?”

“I want to know specifically about what happened to her child.”

“Some things are better off unknown. You saw how she reacted to the events. Your knowing what happened will affect you needlessly.”

“I have suffered enough loss to last a dozen lifetimes. I can tell you from experience that not knowing is far worse than knowing," Zihang replied.

Chisei kept a thoughtful moment of silence and then sighed deeply. “While I organize my thoughts, why don’t you tell me what you know about the child?"

Zihang tilted his head slightly. Was he hesitating? Chisei’s personality was not robotic or unfeeling. He just pushed those emotions aside. Hearing that he needed to organize his thoughts reminded him of Carli’s reaction. Her mind would immediately jump to the worst of her ordeal.

“He is of the genetic material harvested from her under duress by the Comemnus Corporation. Herzog bought it in an auction. Her egg was combined with another man’s sperm in an effort to make someone who could turn into a full-blooded dragon. Albeit a weak one. That man was initially assumed to be you, but could have also been your brother.”

“It was my brother. He was Chime’s son.”

Zihang was silent, letting that knowledge sink in. “Does Chime know?”

“No. And you’re not to tell him. It would just give him yet another reason to hate me.”

Zihang privately thought that Chime would be just as angry such knowledge was kept from him. “He was in the Red Well to harvest the White King leech?”

“By the time I arrived, the baby had already been given dragonblood and converted into a monster. There was no way to rescue him from the start. But Carli couldn’t control her maternal instincts. When I tried to kill the baby, she fought me with all her strength. The wounds I received were inflicted by her. Not Herzog. Thanks to her interference, Herzog was able to get the upper hand.”

“He pinned her to the ground with my sword through her. He drained the child’s blood right in front of her eyes... while she screamed at him.” He paused. “That’s all I remember.”

Zihang leaned against the wall, the phone held to his ear, finally understanding why she was rendered so speechless, the heart ache, the nightmares, the deep and unrelenting grief. “How did… how did she escape?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is the child’s body still down there?”

“Even if it was, what would you do with it?”

“We didn’t have a body to bury. She seemed very heartbroken about that. I want to help her.”

Chisei laughed softly. “Closure, huh?”

“If not closure… I can at least grant her a means to move forward.”

“That’s not something you can grant Zihang. When I agreed to assist her in ending the inherent cruelty when it comes to handling hybrids like her child, I thought she meant the human experimentation required to get someone overthreshold. This need for greater and greater purity, pushing that threshold between human and dragon, is what creates these people in the first place. Treatments were an attractive option as well, but I never really bought into it. A cure for the madness that turns them into a Dragon’s servant would cause the opposite effect -- The deliberate creation of hybrid monsters with the sole purpose of using them as weapons.”

The tension rose even as his voice lowered in a growl. “You know what happened in Japan, how threatened Tokyo was when Erii got out from under Hydra supervision. Can you imagine a world filled with monsters like her? But Carli didn’t listen to me, because I had no other solution than death for them. She thought she could do better. She’d made her mind up. If you want to help her move forward, help her let go of that fantasy.”

Zihang felt himself growing colder and colder inside at these words. The hope of ever having a second child grew more remote.

“That’s all I want to say about it. I hope you call me again with a more pleasant subject.”

Zihang found his voice. “Thank you. I will think on your words.”

“You’re a logical person, Zihang. Clear eyed. I’m sure you’ll be able to succeed where I failed. I understand her feelings, but I can’t tolerate them. Not on something as crucial as this. She wasn’t born or raised as a hybrid. And, if I’m to understand correctly, neither were you. You’re better able to sympathize with her without losing sight of the truth. I hope you get her to understand. If she succeeds… I can’t imagine what she’ll unleash on to this world.”

---

In the Atlantic, on the opposite side of the churning clouds that signaled the awakening dragon, another vessel bobbed in the waves. It was much smaller than the Aido-Hwedo Aircraft carrier and it’s presence was lost in the massive radar noise caused by the dragon’s stirring. The anomaly had grown to hurricane size but unlike a hurricane, it was completely immobile. The waves it was kicking up tilted and tossed the boat like a bath toy, but it stayed afloat.

Tom had to lean against the wall to keep from falling over as he made his way to the mess, that is, the kitchen. He didn’t know anything about nautical terms, but he was learning bit by bit, coached by Ms. Sakatoku and Zero who were captaining the ship.

He heard a sound, a single foot fall on the metal step. He whirled but she was already on him, like an attacking shadow with terrifying eyes, blue irises with red pupils in a face that was completely black as though covered in ink. She hit him like a battering ram, slamming him into the metal wall of the ship.

He closed his hands around her neck and held her teeth away from his face. Her hot breath hit him, she was so close. He could scarcely breathe for fear. He pushed upward with arms made powerful by hours of flight time until she fell all the way back slamming her head to the floor.

Her claws flashed by his neck and he ducked away but they caught his collarbone and dug in. He scrambled off her, bleeding down his torn shirt.

She didn’t attack again. She turned and ran up the stairs, leaving Tom trembling.

Appetite gone, he stumbled back up to the deck, whimpering and bleeding, casting nervous eyes behind him. She must have been waiting for him on the stairs to come down to breakfast. “Mr. Lu! Mr. Lu! Cadance attacked me again!”

Despite the morning light, the skies above were as dark as early evening. Mr. Lu was standing on the deck in a long trench coat, staring out over the water. Tom’s nose caught the scent of tobacco. A curl of smoke rose up from a cigar in his mouth. Tom paused. He’d never seen Mr. Lu smoking before. Mr. Lu shook his head slowly. “Attack her back. She only does it because she knows she can get away with it. You don’t see her attacking Kasio...”

When Tom didn’t answer, he faced him fully. “You’re still suppressing it. That’s good in a way but in the end, unless you embrace that side of you, you’re just going to die.”

Tom lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry, sir.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the people who will mourn you when you’re gone.”

Tom lifted his head in shock. Mingfei Lu’s tone was warm but his words were like a winter wind.

Mingfei made no attempt to comfort him or even check on his injury. He merely stood there, watching him with copper colored eyes. “Let me tell you a story, about when I first got onto Cassell grounds.” He tapped his ashes over the railing of the boat. “I was completely overwhelmed. They had just opened up the Day of Liberty and all around me was gun fire. Everywhere a bullet hit a person, they would fall, stained with red, just like a dead man. I thought the people around me were dying. I laid down, hoping to pretend to be among the dead.”

He chuckled. “I didn’t fool one person… the person I was in love with. She stood over me, recognized me, smiled at me. I thought I was saved. And then…” He simulated with his hands, a gunshot. “She was taken out.”

“But she was still alive right…?”

“Yeah but I didn’t know that!” The amber in his eyes faded but then came back with glowing brilliance. “I burned inside. I thought they’d killed the only person I… Even now.” Mingfei’s chest rose and fell.

“I took the gun from her and killed the person who had shot her. Then I turned it on the two people in front of me. Caesar Gattuso and Chu Zihang, the top students in all of Cassell College and presidents of the most prestigious clubs. Caesar I didn’t know, so I shot him first. Zihang…” He paused briefly. “He recognized me, called my name. Even though he was stronger than me, faster than me… even though he knew I was the weakest of the weak in high school and he had faced down the strongest in Cassell and beyond. He met eyes with mine, he dropped his weapon and surrendered, even though he knew my weapon was fake. Why do you think that is?”

Tom stood quietly.

Lu Mingfei puffed his cigar. “I shot him anyway. The past didn’t matter, the future didn’t matter.” He turned back to the waves and leaned against the rail. “Carli… Carli… you can’t sleep and it’s making me upset.” He muttered.

Tom wondered if perhaps Lu Mingfei was losing his mind. Tom’s concern certainly wasn’t pressing at the moment. “Alright.”

“When you get breakfast, be sure to bring some to Kasio as well. Ask Zero where he is on the ship. Probably in one of the maintenance crawls.”

#Class of 2032 #Dragon Raja

6 notes · View notes

imagination-is-key-in-my-world · 4 years

Text

Chime

Authors Note: I am 100% a big fan of A Cinderella Story which is what had inspired me to write this piece. I know it has been a long time since I had written anything but a lot has been going on in my life. This story is inspired by my own mental health issues as well as my ultimate dream that Tom Holland would sweep me off my feet. [Do not tell my Fiancé that I told you guys that!] Also, I got a brand-new laptop that has made writing so much more efficient than my iPad. Hopefully, I will be more active on my page. Please feel free to contact me to share your thoughts.

Summary: So, you are currently struggling with anxiety which is not easy as a high school student. Things are not getting easier now that your best friend is leaving to go to another school, leaving you behind to deal with your senior year alone. That is how you feel every day – alone. But your life suddenly changes when you stumble across an app that allows people to chat anonymously with people who share similar interests without sharing too much. Only you did not expect that this new app would take over your life and provide you with someone who you no longer think you could cope without. But who is on the other end of the phone?

Warning: Possible swearing and mental health triggers.

Pairing: Reader x Tom Holland

Word Count: 6,758

Counting the dew drops on the window was getting completely tedious at this point. There you sat in complete silence for what must have been a couple of minutes. But to you, it had felt like hours, if not days. Not that you were being dramatic at all.

You are not exactly the type of person who many people would typically associate with the nature of popularity. You did not have that many followers on your social media accounts. Therefore, it should not have been that surprising that your phone was not “blowing” up with notifications at this time of day.

Your best friend Cleo always told you that if you wanted to make something of your life, you needed to leave the house for more than just school.

“But!” You would always protest, “everything I need is right here.” Cleo was one member of a small social group that you bothered with both in and outside of school. When it came to forming groups in class, all your teachers knew that you needed to be put with a friend or you would be catastrophically unresponsive with a slight hint of a mini meltdown beginning to form.

The thing is you suffer with a high level of anxiety when it comes to meeting and conversing with people outside of your friendship circle. To make matters worse, the whole school was aware of this problem and would constantly tease and mimic the blubbering mess you turned into when you had to answer a question in the middle of class. There would be pointing as well as laughing as you would literally shake and break a sweat in front of everyone. Let us just say, this may have been one of the many reasons that your group only had 5 members and that includes you and queen Cleo.

The phone chimed and it shook you from your thoughts. When you finally unlocked it, you noticed that it was only Cleo cancelling on you yet again. Earlier that evening you had asked Cleo to come over and discuss the nature of Cleo moving schools in the fall. Both of you were meant to discuss how you personally were going to cope with the everyday torment and painful endeavours that was a big part of school life. But from that disappointed look on your face, it was obvious that Cleo was only blowing you off to spend more time with her new boyfriend.

“Knock knock” Your mother stated as she blatantly barged into your room. “Hey baby, I’m going to the store do you need anything at all?” As per usual you would shake your head and try not to make any eye contact with your mother at all. “Okay, well make sure that you feed the dog for me while I am gone and try and get some sun, you’re looking a little pale, baby.”

It was typical of your mother to attempt to force you out of your comfort zone. It was getting quite embarrassing for her at the teacher/parent evenings when she was called in to discuss another “issue.” It is not like you do not want to make more of an effort in class and with people, it just does not come as easy to you as it may for everyone else. The idea of people hearing you call out an answer in class and have it been wrong is absolutely devastating and crucifying for you.

You picked up your phone and decided that Facebook was worth one last scroll through before you decide that it was worthless and throw your phone back onto the bed for the 14th time that day. You were scrolling away half-heartedly, not really reading through the posts that people had shared as it was probably the same drama that it always was. It was as you thought, but suddenly your mind decided to switch back on when it reached a pop up that you would typically ignore. “Attention all Introverts.” Obviously, this caught your attention, it was in freaking bold print. You cannot ignore anything when it is in bold print! Clicking on the link, you decided to curiously read on.

“Attention all Introverts,

Have you ever felt lonely and isolated? Well this is the app for you. Become anyone you want to be, talk to anyone you would like – with total anonymity.

[This app gives you the confidence to express yourself to total strangers without the fear of judgements. If you are terrified of being vulnerable around other people while being your true self, then this is the app for you]”

Of course, you were sceptical at first but that was when you remembered how difficult it was to be your friend, relative and even teacher. Then before you could even stop yourself, you clicked onto the app and the download began. Nothing happened at all, other than the app appearing onto your phone’s home screen amongst other apps like Tumblr and Facebook. But you just thought there was going to be a sudden flash of lightning and you would be overwhelmed with confidence like you see in the movies. However, this was not the movies, this was your life and there you sat on the edge of your bed still shaking like a leaf.

It took you about half an hour to install all of your relevant information into the app. Mostly because you were trying to convince yourself that it was a stupid idea and that you should just delete it straight away. Although there was a faint voice in the back of your head telling you to do it. Part of it sounded like Cleo, while another part of the voice sounded like a stranger to you.

Once you had finished setting up the app, you left your phone on your dresser and walked into the lounge to watch that new episode of Ru Paul’s drag race that you had missed on Netflix. You managed to get through two episodes, a giant bag of Cheetos and a litre of Dr Pepper before crashing out on the sofa.

A loud chime from the bedroom woke you from your slumber. Your mother was sat on the edge of the sofa watching one of her true crime documentaries when she noticed you becoming startled.

“You okay honey?” You wipe your eyes and nod. “Do you want anything to eat or are you all set for bed?”

“Bed.” You mumble as you pick up the rubbish that had surrounded you on your makeshift bed for the afternoon.

“Okay, love you honey.” She called back as you threw away the rubbish into the trash and made your way into your bedroom. You practically fell onto your bed before you remembered the chime that had woken you in the first place. Grasping your phone, you unlocked it hesitantly, shielding your eyes from the brightness behind it to reveal a message from an unknown number. One word, one syllable and one emotion, fear.

‘Hey’

In your head these words kept rolling through your mind. What do I do now? Do I message back or do I leave it alone? Will they think I am ignoring them if I do not reply? Well of course they would, the app has probably notified them that it has been read. You started pacing in your bedroom chanting the words over and over in your head ‘What do I do? What do I do?’

It was almost like a reflex after a while as your fingers typed away.

‘HEY’ Too eager

‘Hiya’ Too girly

‘Hi’ Too blunt

Sup’ Too weird

Each message you typed your anxiety took over and criticised it, controlling your fingers to delete and retype.

‘Hey’ Was the message that you had settled for. It had been almost an hour and a half since you had received the message from Lonerboy101 and you had not even pressed send yet. The message was still sitting in your text box with the curser bouncing away at the end of the sentence.

There was a knock at your door which startled you, causing your fingers to slide across the phone’s screen. “I’m going to bed now Hun, goodnight.”

“Night.” You tried hard to sound cheery but as per usual failed to do so as your mother closed your bedroom door. ‘No, no, no’ you repeated in a small murmur. Fear washed over you as you regretted every minute that it took to write that message and the one milli second that it took to get sent out through the universe to reach this Lonerboy101.

You dropped the phone into your duvet and grabbed the pillow next to you. Bringing the plush cushion up to your face, burying it to let out a light scream.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 - ‘How long did it take you to write that message. Mine took about 2 hours.’

You reread the message a couple of times because you couldn’t believe that although this person knew you were somewhat ignoring him off when you had initially received his message, he still replied to yours. Not only that but he had made a joke about how long it had taken to send a reply.

It took you a couple of minutes to decide whether you were going to go through with it and message this person back. Or whether you should just back out now and forget that this ever happened.

But that was your phone in your hand and those were your fingers typing a reply.

Hidingintheshadows - ‘About an hour and a half.’

You sent the reply off and almost felt a sudden pang of relief. That this was not as bad as you had originally perceived it to be. That it was almost the same as talking to Cleo or any of the other girls.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 - ‘So, this is weird right?’

Before you knew it, the delays between the messages decreased quite significantly. There was the standard 3 minutes to think of a response and then another 5 to send the message but the conversation had felt a little less risky compared to how it did at the very start.

Hidingintheshadows - ‘It is a bit weird, I guess.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘So, are you an old creepy guy like me?

Hidingintheshadows - ‘That is a joke, right?’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Yeah it is a joke, sorry very dry sense of humour. Don’t have that many people to try my jokes out on.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘That’s a relief.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘It’s a relief that I do not have many friends?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘No! I did not mean that! I am so sorry.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Another joke. Sorry when I am nervous, I tell bad jokes. I forget that I am not really good at them and text form is really hard to tell tone.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Sorry for not being able to tell when you’re joking.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first. Although you probably are, I only just downloaded this app today.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Same.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘You don’t say [type] much do you?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Not really, sorry.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘You know you don’t have to keep apologising to me all the time, right?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Oh sorry.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘[insert face palm emoji]’

The last message made you smile. Cleo had always been telling you that you apologise way too much and that it can get annoying. It would get to the point where you would apologise for things you did not do just because it sounded like the right thing to say.

Hidingintheshadows - ‘I will work on it.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘So what brings you to Introverted Conversions?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Fear of the world and everyone in it, basically.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Oh my gosh same!’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Really?’

Lonerboy101 - ‘No, but I am touched that you still cannot sense my sarcasm.’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘I’ll work on that too.’

Lonerboy101 - ‘Promise?’

Hidingintheshadows - ‘Promise!’

It had almost become a routine for you and Lonerboy101 to talk during the late afternoon and evening. Occasionally, you would get notified in the middle of the day, but he knew that you were not ignoring him and that you had school obligations. No one really knows about him at all, you have done well at keeping this away from Cleo as you knew she would only judge you for it.

‘You’re talking to a stranger online who had admitted he was an old creepy man.’ Even the thought made you laugh. Since the first night, you had discovered a lot about Lonerboy101. Nothing like names and addresses. But more personal stuff like how it feels having crippling anxiety and not having someone who really understands.

***

It was the last day before Cleo left for her new school and you woke up feeling quite comfortable for the first time in a long time. It was almost as if your body has finally gotten used to the idea that the day was going to come that you would need to stand up on your own. It was not a good feeling per say, but it was slightly empowering to know that you could become your own person, instead of being Cleo’s weird friend.

*Chime*

Your heart began to beat rapidly in your chest as you practically dove for the phone on your bed. Only to have it violently shoot back down when the name on your lock screen did not read Lonerboy101.

Cleo – ‘Hey, I am downstairs! Snag me a piece of toast considering you are not exactly going to eat it!’

Every morning your mum would make pancakes, French toast, and scrambled eggs that you could choose from to snack on during your walk to school. Only you are not exactly a French toast and scrambled eggs kind of person and she knows that. It is just her way of trying to make a connection with you early in the day.

You – ‘Be right down, pancakes or French toast?’

You replied as you waved to your mum who was sliding through her emails while nursing a hot mug of coffee. “Hey, Baby! Have a great day at school, okay?” The last part of this routine she does every morning always feels like she is questioning you, making sure that you are aware that a ‘great day at school’ depends 100% on you alone.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 – ‘Pancakes please. Although, I don’t think they will be any good by the time I receive them!’

‘Oh no!’ You thought. You did not think really think to check the contact that you were on when you sent the message out. You had simply read the lock screen and the most recent person you were chatting to was the person that appeared on the screen.

Quickly you grabbed a pancake and your bags and sulked out the door.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I am so sorry, that was meant for my friend.’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Are we not friends? I am offended’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Wait no I mean yes you are, but I do not really know you. God I am sorry…’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Wow! What did I say about the apologising? And what about the whole sarcasm thing? You should now know when I am pulling your chain.’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Sorry’

Lonerboy101 – ‘No. More. Sorry.’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Damn, I didn’t mean to I swear.’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Calm, it is okay. Chain. Pulling. But going back to this pancake…’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘What about it?’

Lonerboy101 – ‘You have made me hungry. And now I need to go out and find me a pancake to soothe this carb craving I have going on.’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Good luck with that.’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Good Luck with school today! Speak to you later! X’

What the heck is that? Fear washed over your face as you met Cleo at the bottom of the stairs to your apartment building.

“Y/N? Are you okay? You look a little pale?” It took everything you had to not blurt out every little secret that you had been keeping about Lonerboy101 to Cleo. To almost get some advice on how to handle this newfound “boy drama” in your life. You open your mouth to begin to spill the beans. “Oh, I know!” Cleo interrupted, “it is because today is my last day and you have no idea how you will survive without me!”

Not quite on the nose but nice to see that your friend really does care about you, while she makes every drama about herself. This was just another typical response from Cleo. One you have put up with for an exceptionally long time. Instead of arguing with your best friend on the beginning of her last day, you decide to just bite your lip and nod.

“It will be okay, sunshine!” A little nickname she gave you when you were both little and in Kindergarten. “We will still have Facetime and we can still meet up during the holidays.” Suddenly you were pulled into a tight embrace as an overexaggerated sigh left her lips. “Now come on mopey.” Yet another nickname that you were given because of your constant state of enthusiasm caused by your mental condition. “Let’s get to school before people forget that they will never see this face walk those halls again.”

Meanwhile in your head the little “X” at the end of Lonerboy101’s latest reply repeatedly flashed across your mind as Cleo droned on about how annoying packing up her extensive collection of shoes and makeup has been for her.

***

It did not matter what lesson you were in, if you were having “a moment” as your mother likes to call it, everything just seems to become pointless. Science was one of your favourite subjects mainly because of the unpredictable experiments that you can perform. But today it just seemed as though someone had placed a weighted scarf on top of your shoulders and told you to “deal with it.”

“Can anyone tell me their findings from their group’s chemical reaction?” All eyes went to you as everyone in the class knew that you were Mr King’s favourite pupil. Mr King was the only teacher that managed to get a response out of you in class. But today, he might as well have been talking to a brick wall.

“Y/N?” This would later be explained to you after class that it was the fifth attempt Mr King had made to pry your attention away from your notebook where you had been filling in the margins with your pen.

When you looked up, there were people gossiping and snickering about what they had just witnessed. “Can I see you after class?” Mr King had asked once he regained the focus of the class.

This was not the first time that a teacher had asked to speak with you after class. Especially Mr King. Not that he made a habit to discipline you outside of lesson, but because he was always concerned about how you were feeling after you had one of you “moments.”

“What is going on, Y/N? Do I need to call your mother?” He did not say it in a stern way that other teachers would have. But for him, it was more of a genuine question for your own personal well-being. “Some of the other teacher’s approached me today in the teacher’s lounge to discuss you. They said that you have been unresponsive all day. I heard that Cleo is leaving today, does that have anything to do with how you’re coping with today?”

You shook your head. “Cleo has nothing to do with it!” You snapped, and you never snap which startled Mr King. “I’m sorry.” You whispered when you saw how set back, he was from your reply. “I just do not know what to do anymore.”

“With what?” He perched on the edge of his desk. Holding his hand up to stop the next class from entering the classroom. “What is getting to you? I can see if I can help?” While most teachers would just shrug you off, Mr King tried to get down to the root problem to help you resolve any issue that you may be having during the day. This was because Mr King had made you aware that his daughter too suffers from major anxiety issues as well.

“It’s stupid, I should not have said anything. I will be okay, Mr King.” You gathered your books from the table and stuffed them into the oversized backpack that was now slung over your shoulder. “Can you quickly write me a note for Mrs Bateman? I do not want the teachers to have more of a reason to talk about me.”

Mr King picked up a pad and pen and began to write a note excusing you for your lateness. “It will get better, Y/N. I am here whenever you need a chat, okay?” He handed you the note and you basically bolted out of the room.

Although you felt bad for being short with Mr King, you could not quite help it. It was not as if you could simply come out and tell him that you were not upset because your best friend for 16 years was now leaving you behind. But it was all down to an “X” placed on the end of a text message from a boy you have not met but have been talking to for 3 weeks non-stop!

***

You slowly approached the lunch table that you and your friends sat at during every lunch since you had started at the school. They were all laughing and joking which did slightly lift your spirits. Cleo had turned to look over her shoulder and noticed your arrival. The smile on her face had sank and the laughing at the table had died along with it.

“Hey Y/N!” Cleo tried to sound pleased to see you but you knew something was up. Since when was Cleo being false with you? She normally reserved that type of “hey” for the girls that talk about how amazing they are.

Sinking down into the spare chair that has been yours for years at the table you tried to force a smile. “So, we were all thinking…” Instantly you hated where this was going. “That it would be really fun to all go to the dance tonight as a final farewell to Cleo!” The girls shrieked as Hannah finished her sentence. A dance was the last place you wanted to be. Today of all days.

The girls all looked at you for your response. “A dance?” The girls all squealed again in unison, practically bouncing in their seats.

“Don’t you think it would be fun.” Hannah stated rather than asked.

“Dances aren’t really my thing.” You said hesitantly. The last thing you wanted to do was to annoy any of the friends that you had left. Especially considering how they were going to be the ones you would now have to rely on once Cleo had left.

“Nothing is really your thing!” Elizabeth snickered. Cleo’s death stare shot over to Liz and her head instantly fell. So that’s why Cleo was so weird when you came over. It was because she knew that you were not exactly going to be over the moon with the new plan for Cleo’s last day celebration. Before lunch, the plan was to go bowling and then get pizza. A less daunting but still hard to stomach plan. This new plan involved dressing up and trying to socialise with people who were not exactly the nicest to you.

“Y/N, it is completely up to you. We can go to the dance and party it up like it is the last day we are going to be alive. Or we can just go and get pizza and knock over a couple of pins with an over weighted bowling ball.” When Cleo said it like that, neither sounded appealing. But it was obvious the way that she laid it out that the dance was the one event she was going to be happy attending tonight.

“Can I think about it?” The girls all sighed and Callum shook you by the shoulders. Literally shook you as if physically moving your body was somehow going to make you change your mind. “Ow!”

“Callum! Do not do that!” Cleo yelled at her boyfriend. At least she was still defending you even if she was trying to push you to do something that made you uncomfortable. It was almost as if she defended you to make you reconsider. “Just one little dance? We can go whenever you want and stay however long you want.” Her puppy dog eyes were out and her hands were clasped in front of her.

Along with your crippling fear of being around other people, your anxiety also made you hate disappointing those that you care about. “Fine.” Was all you managed to say before all the girls and Callum began to cheer. At least he did not try to shake you again otherwise you thought you may physically puke from excessive unwanted physical contact.

While all the others were discussing what they were going to wear, you reached for your phone and began to contact the only person on the planet who didn’t make you feel like you were wrong for feeling this type of way.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Have you ever been forced to do something you don’t really want do because your friends want you to?’

You debated for a couple of seconds before adding your own “X” onto the end of your text.

Your phone vibrated in your hand. Thank God you had turned the volume off when you got to school. Cleo would not have left you alone for one second if she knew you were texting a guy.

Lonerboy101 – ‘Who is making you do something? What something? Is it illegal? X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘1. Nothing illegal. 2. Friends and 3. Go to a stupid high school dance where I will be uncomfortable for the entire evening. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘That wasn’t the order that I put my questions in. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I thought I would start with the one that could get me in a jail cell! X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I’ve got this feeling that you’d rock an orange jumpsuit so you would be fine. Although the lack of our communication would be quite unsettling. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I think I will cope. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I was talking about me! I look forward to my Chime every day. X’

You could not help but blush when you read that last part of his message. You could not bring yourself to message him back stating that it was also your highlight of the day too. Lonerboy101 has become a big part of your life and that was quite hard to admit considering you did not know his name or what he even looked like. You barely even knew the boy and yet it felt as though you knew everything there was to know about him.

Lonerboy101 – ‘Sorry was that weird? Let us get back to the problem at hand… A party was not it? X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘No and my friend is leaving and I do not want to be mean and not turn up to her “leaving do” but I do not think I will be able to cope with that many people. Especially because they all think that I am a freak. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘When is the party? You are not a freak by the way. Might I just add that is the longest text you have ever sent. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Tonight, at school. I do not want to go and be the joke of the party. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘This is a tough one. I can be there if you want. For moral support. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘You can’t obviously turn up to a school that you don’t go to just to attend a stupid dance. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I’ll be a virtual guest. You can text me whenever you think that it is getting too much and I will use my powers of persuasion to lift those spirits and put a smile on your beautiful face. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘How can you say I am beautiful. You have never even seen me? X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘I see the beauty in everything. But you, you are something much more. X’

***

“You cannot wear that!” Cleo snapped when she saw the outdated and over worn outfit that you were wearing on your body. “No this will not do.” Lucky enough for her, your mother and Cleo are quite close. Closer than you are to your own mother. “Leanne! Come and tell your daughter that this is terrible and that she cannot wear this to a school dance.”

Within seconds your mother was in your room judging the clothes that she paid for that you were wearing. “No baby girl, this is your first dance. There is no way in hell I am going to let you leave this apartment building wearing that.”

Your mother’s hand was now grasped around your wrist and you were being dragged into your mother’s bedroom. “Now try this on.” In her hand she was holding a long black dress with a sequin detail at the top of the bust. She could tell that you were resistant so she pulled you in front of the wall length mirror and placed the garment up to your neck.

You could not deny that it was a very pretty dress. One that you would love to wear in a different circumstance. The whole idea of you attending a dance had still not sunk in yet. “Mum I couldn’t pull this off!” You exclaimed. Jeans and a tea shirt were more your speed.

“No Sunshine, you are most definitely wearing this now that I have seen it.” Cleo was practically foaming at the mouth the minute she saw this dress. You were sure that if your mother had not offered it to you first that she would have snagged the dress up for herself. “Right now, hair and makeup.” She slapped her hands together and both your mother and best friend stared at you with excitement in their eyes. Which only put the fear of God into yours.

***

The dance was as horrible as you thought it was going to be. There was loads of people staring at you. One of the girls from your English class even asked a friend of hers if you were a new student at the school. Shows how invisible you were before your boobs were pushed up to your neck and eyeliner was thickly applied to your eyes.

Although this was a new experience for you, to have all eyes on you for a different reason that being the weird girl from school. It was not an experience that you enjoyed at all. High school was nothing but a gossip forum where girls pick on other girls for being themselves or for being slightly different than them. For caring less about how much their bag cost and caring more about why their grade in English was lower than French.

Your friends were all on the dance floor which sadly left you on your lonesome at the back of the decked-out gym.

*Chime*

Lonerboy101 – ‘Please tell me you are having fun now? X’

You smiled. Seeing his name pop up on your screen was possibly the only thing that made you smile tonight.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘Nope. Everyone is staring at me. X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘They are only staring because they are jealous. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘What could they possibly be jealous of? X’

Lonerboy101 – ‘Well I bet you look absolutely beautiful tonight. X’

Hidingintheshadows – ‘You couldn’t possibly know that? X’

There had been a couple of minutes since Lonerboy101 had messaged back and that smile you had previously been wearing was starting to fade. You glanced down to look at the time on your phone, 22:14. You let out a relieved sigh, at least you stuck around for over 2 hours.

Grabbing your bag, you began to sculk about the dance floor to try and find Cleo and the other girls to deliver the “bad news.” Cleo was locked onto Callum as they shared a slow dance to one of the most upbeat songs you have ever heard. This immediately made finding Cleo a hell of a lot easier.

“I am going to head off now.” You detached Cleo from her boyfriend which left him both grumpy and a little annoyed at you. Cleo gave you a less than enthusiastic hug before quickly turning back to Callum. “Bye then.” You said when she did not say anything back to you.

It was cold outside which instantly made you regret the dress and the heels made the idea of walking all the way home even more thrilling than you could imagine. Glancing down to check the time once again, you noticed a message featuring on your lock screen. You must have not heard it with all the music when you were saying goodbye to Cleo and the girls.

Lonerboy101 – ‘Wanna bet? X’

Everyone outside the gym began to suddenly gasp. All of them were looking in a similar direction. For once all the eyes were off you and that made you feel a hell of a lot better than you had all night.

Hidingintheshadows – ‘I will take that bet. You cannot comment on something you cannot see. X’

“Then maybe you should step out of the shadows and see what I can see right now.” This voice was strangely familiar but not familiar in a way that you had heard Mr King’s voice almost every day. It was familiar because you had heard it from somewhere, but you were unsure of where. “Because what I see is 100% beautiful just like I had predicted.”

The crowd of people started to open as the voice got nearer and nearer. There were girls practically peeing their pants with excitement. Cleo had appeared with the girls and practically everyone from whom were inside the gym. Suddenly, this voice had become the talk of the whole dance and now all the attention was right back on you again.

There was now a stunning familiar face to match the familiar voice standing right in front of you. One that you would never have believed to have been stood there. It was his smile that you caught first when he looked at you in that long black dress. His eyes lingered on you for a while before you both realised that it had been quite some time that slipped away since either one of you had spoken.

“Lonerboy101?” You asked quietly. Not really wanting anyone to hear how speechless you really were.

“Guilty.” There in front of you stood the one and only Tom Holland. The freaking man who brought you Spiderman, Ian Lightfoot, and Lucas in the movie The Impossible. He was Lonerboy101, how was that even possible?

It suddenly dawned on you that everyone and that honestly was everyone was now staring at the pair of you who were staring at one another. “Maybe we should go over there?” Tom had suggested to get away from prying eyes.

Once you were both certain that there were not any lingering eyes, your protection walls started to drop ever so slightly. “You’re the person I have been talking to for 3 weeks? You’re Lonerboy101?”

“Yes. I am Lonerboy101, but if I am being quite honest, Tom will do fine.” He joked which did make you feel only a small degree better. For all this time you had been talking to Tom Holland and you had no inclination that it was happening. “I wanted to tell you who I was, but it was so amazing to have someone to talk to who didn’t see me as this guy who acts for a living and attends red carpet events, you know?”

You did not know of course. “I am not mad. But why would you tell me you have anxiety issues when you do not?” You sighed and started to look at the shine from the diamonds reflecting from your heels. “Was it a way to make fun of me?”

Quickly Tom grasped your hands without thinking. “No!” He spoke urgently but delicately as if he did not want to put his foot in his mouth and make the situation worse. Truth be told Tom was expecting this whole revelation to go a little differently. The sombre look on your face was not the result that he had wanted from showing up at your school. “I never did it to make fun of you or anyone who suffers with anxiety. Truth be told I do suffer with it. Not as bad as most people, but I have days where I wonder if my friends are my true friends because they like me or because they like what I can give them.”

“I want you to know that every message that I ever sent you, I was being the real me. None of it was an act or fake for me.” Tom’s head was not facing down, almost defeated. “From talking to you I knew that you were the most honest and kindest person that I could possibly ever get to know.”

“Can I ask you something?” Your voice was soft and shaky as if you were afraid of the response that you were going to receive.

“Anything.” He was almost pleading. His voice as shaky as your own.

“How did you know who I was and what I looked like?” Tom looked you dead in the eyes. You could see the sincerity in his eyes and how much he wanted this to go right. “You knew to come right up to me, out of all the girls in the world. You knew to come to my school and then up to me, how?”

Tom let out a little smile. “Well, you know that section on the app right at the beginning?” You nod keeping eye contact as he continued to speak. “Well when it asks you for a name, you can keep it blank and then put in a username instead. You actually put in all of your details and made them public.”

“Oh!” You stated feeling stupid for doing so. This entire time he knew exactly who you were while you had no clue that you were talking to a celebrity.

“No, it was a good thing.”

“How?” You question. Doubting that knowing who you were was ever a “good thing.”

“Because, I felt really lucky to be talking to you. I saw how beautiful you were and how smart you are as well as how kind you can be.” You were quiet. You were not used to guys calling you beautiful, and here he was saying it for what must have been the 3rd time since you met him. “If it makes you feel any better, I only looked you up yesterday. I was worried when you did not answer my message and temptation got the best of me and I peaked. Are you mad?”

“No. I am not mad.”

“Would it help if I said sorry?”

“What did you say about saying sorry?” You smiled which made the flash of panic rush from his face. The corners of his mouth started to turn up and his eyes sparkled.

“Yeah but on me it looks cute.” Both of you allow yourselves to laugh at the situation. Remembering some of your earlier messages. “Would it be too much to ask for a hug?” He looked down at your hands which were no longer scrunched into fists which proved that you were no longer as uncomfortable as you may have been from the first encounter.

You allow yourself to smile as he pulls you into his arms. “It is exactly how I imagined it.” Tom said into your hair as he held you close to him.

“What is?” You questioned

“That I would be only just taller than you when you’re wearing heels.” Both of you let out a controlled laugh at his terrible attempt at a joke. “You don’t actually want to go back in there do you?” Tom gestured towards the gym that probably did not hold any students inside due to his arrival.

“I am not going back inside there! But thanks for wearing a suit for me.” You pull away slightly to admire the suit that Tom was pulling off handsomely.

“Anything for my girl.”

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