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quarthly · 3 years

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Twilight characters as random animals that I think are oddly fitting

(Also yes, I am roasting the animals as well)

Edward: He would be a Cheetah. Now I know, seems like a cop out just because of his speed but hear me out. Cheetahs are, at face value, pretty cool. They used to be my favorite animal as a child, but then I grew up.

Cheetahs, through no fault of their own, are severely inbred. Now thats mainly because of poaching, but the cheetas anxiety also comes into play. In captivity, cheetahs are usually given emotional support dogs. I will admit it is cute but it negatively affects the population. Excluding one in the wild, cheetas can be to anxious to breed and thats not good for conservation efforts.

Cheetahs can hit up to 80 miles per hour in a couple of seconds. They are designed for fast running and agility. Their claws are similar to that of a dogs for better traction and they have elongated spines for longer strides. They have a thin build, long legs and a long tail for balance.

This has downsides though. Many times after making a kill, it will get stolen for them by larger predators. Thats right, they get absolutely bodied by the other animals. I should probably make these shorter but I'm on a rant now, so I guess this will be semi educational.

Throughout the series, we see Edward over estimated his abilities and value, constantly getting bodied by others. He's essentially a perfect mormon, though thats on S'meyers. He constantly judges others, dehumanizing them to their baser flaws, without doing any self reflecting. Him viewing himself as a monster doesn't really count to me. While he definitely hates himself, the only thing he is truly demonizing is being a vampire.

Bella: Picking up from Edwards, Bella is a Chocolate Labrador. Yes, she is his therapy dog. I feel like this is really fitting for her. I know Golden retriever would make more sense, as thats the most common breed for service animals. However, I kind of focused on her appearance. Only at first though! I just know that Edward raved about her human qualities and that would pass over as animals as well. Her chocolate eyes and brown fur, very average and boring. Thats essentially Bella. Even Edward wasn't into her until he got a wiff. Labradors a very loyal dogs and while they have more personality than Bella, I just couldn't shake it. Their also very stupid. Ok that's kind of mean, they're not stupid but when it comes to love, then yeah they are stupid.

I used to have a lab, loved him to death, but god he was something else. Very much danger prone, from their own stupidity or their lack of survival instincts. I know that labs are almost aquatic. They love water, swimming, all that jazz. We can just say that bella has a few screws loose in her dna and is just "not like other labs."

Rosalie: Now she was hard. There are quite a few animals that I think would fit for her. I'll list the other ones, but that one I went with is the Swan. Like Edward, seems a little on the nose, but I have my reasoning.

I was going to pick a predator for her, as she is shown to be very vengeful and viscous. I would have pick some type of cat, most likely a purebred, from a rich family. It could still work, but the swan just speaks to me on this one.

Swan's are known for being beautiful, graceful, and are pictured as the symbol of love. They are also very vain. Edward constantly brings up Rosalies vanity. She was constantly valued for her beauty as a human, so of course that crossed over in the transformation. She was raised to be married into wealth, she was used as a bargaining chip to increase the family's standing.

Rose has a very strong character and makes her opinions known. She's assertive and aggressive at times. She's not afraid to get dirty.

Swans mate for life and like geese, are known for being great parents. I was also going to choose geese as an option for the maternal instincts. I was wary at first because swans can be really aggressive. Like actually, you think geece are bad? Yikes bestie...

I was conflicted because swans are known for drowning dogs and sometimes people. However, I can actually see Rose drowning Bella. It's not that unbelievable lmao.

Emmett: Now this one is just ironic. I only associate him with bears. Its inevitable, but picking a Grizzly or Black bear is too obvious. So I went a slightly different route...

So I was going to pick the Sun bear just because of looks alone. Like, I'm not exaggerating, it looks like someone wearing a bear costume. I don't think it fits him but I know for a fact that he would dress up as a sun bear and sneak into a zoo to see if anyone would notice. I'll put a pic of it here

Like look at this thing. I have no words...

Anyway, what I picked was a Sloth Bear. Now Sloth bears are mostly nocturnal, which either way works consider vamps don't sleep. Their diet is also odd but honestly so is the cullens. They're native to the Indian subcontinent, and are known for being aggressive towards humans. Its said that for the most part they're pretty calm, so I think its just fear of humans that make them act aggressively. Honestly, that's a good thing because they are listed as vulnerable on the IUCN Red list.

They have some similarities with sloths, which is where they get the name. They have long claws and unusual teeth. They are known to hang upside down from tree branches, and is described as having a messy appearance. Honestly, Emmitt has a messy personality. Sorry bestie but you're a lot of work.

Now heres the biggest reason for choosing this bear. Aside from Baloo from the jungle book being a sloth bear, they are known to run fades with Tigers. Honestly, how fucking badass is that!? Now I don't think there are recorded instances of a Sloth bear killing a Tiger, but when push comes to shove, they can hold their own and I find that incredibly impressive.

Carlisle: This one was somehow the easiest as well as the toughest. I know Owl seems like the obvious choice, and I can see it. However, I believe Carlisle values emotional intelligence as much or if not more than academic intelligence. He is so charismatic and values other's above himself. He might not be as Saint like as Edward thinks, but he does try and I think he genuinely cares about others. For that reason alone, I choose a Elephant.

Elephant's are very social animals and are extremely intelligent. I could rave about them for ages, I love them so much.

Now elephants live in a familial unit and are usually matriarchal. Bulls usually are on the outer edges of the herd or form little groups with other males. Honestly, they're not that bad aside from when their in musk.

In the group of males, the elder ones will teach the younger where to get the best food, water, how to use things as tools, and every other thing that will increase their odds of survival. This is really cute to me tbh, they do this because the females usually choose the older males because they've proved that they are intelligent and strong, that they have survived and will continue to for awhile. Teaching the younger males these things are to make the odds of them getting chosen to mate more likely. The whole unit just reminds me of a father that has to deal with rowdy teens.

Carlisle likes to take in strays, he might not have a herd but he will make one and teach them to thrive. That's how he envisions it anyway. He just has a found family and is trying his best.

Esme: Now this might seem like an insult, but I promise it's not! This is in no way misogynistic. I love cattle and ever since I took animal science in highschool, I have appreciated these grass puppies like they deserve. Call me Castro because I love cows.

Yup! I chose a Cow for her. Specifically a beef cow. That might sound weird but its because beef cows have higher maternal instinct than dairy cows. I'm thinking Scottish Highland based on vibes alone.

They are nicknamed the Gentle Giants of Scotland. Super maternal and sweet and ugh look how cute they are!

Esme came from a abusive marriage and had just lost her child, she was depressed and desperate. Her changing was, in a way, salvation. She just fits in. She adopts all these strays along with him and will protect them to the death. She might be gentle by nature, but don't fuck with her family. She lost her first one and she isn't going to lose this one.

Alice: She's an odd one. There are so many possibilities and maybe I'm biased, but I feel like she would be a Crow.

Ok listen, I'm definitely biased but it just feels right. Crows get a bad rap, they are so cool! They are so intelligent and have the ability to actually sit and think about the past, prest, and future. I forget what its called, but this was only seem in humans! Maybe other apes, I can't remember exactly, but either way its awesome. They do live in groups, or murders, and remember people and faces. They remember locations and are able to pass down information through generations. They essentially have their own language! They are able to use tools too!

Alice's story is really sad. When we first meets her, it revolves around the death of her mother and her institutionalized. She was essentially tortured and forgot everything from her past. All she had was the future and even that wasn't constant. Crows a often viewed as omens, they are associated with death. I personally believe that instead of being the cause, they just know something is going to happen. They are very inquisitive and can be creative.

If you befriend a murder of crows, sometimes, depends or the group, they will bring gifts. Its can range from food to shiny metals and colorful plastic. Hell, I think I've seen a post of one stealing things from people just to gift it to their human.

Alice's love language is gifts. Even if they are focused around fashion, she still goes out of her way to get something that will look good and at least be a little comfortable. By that I mean she tends to forget peoples comfort zones, but she means well.

Jasper: Honestly not to sure what to put for him. I know a predator would be more fitting, but for some reason I can see a donkey working. I know, seems like I'm clowning on the confederate. Fair, but I'm serious about the donkey thing. Honestly, it would be perfect if it wasn't a herbivore. Porcupine would also work.

Being a predator would make more sense. Given his backstory and his characterization, it wouldn't make sense for him to be a prey animal. Usually I wouldn't count this, but given his gore filled past and trouble with the diet, it seemed fitting.

I see him as a Big Cat. Honestly, vamps in general just give cat vibes. Jasper though especially have some cat like qualities, which originates from hunting and being a soldier.

I specifically see him as a Mountain Lion. Aside from him being blonde, he just has the predatory stealth to him. In midnight sun, we see him use his gift to make the nomads overlook him. He's honestly really powerful.

Mountain lions are known for being stealthy with an air of grace and power to them. They are stong animals. And I mean strong. They can jump 40-45 feet.

They're very elusive and quite. They stalk their prey and tend to attack from behind but don't think they won't hold their ground if need be.

Jasper was changed during the Civil War and forced to fight in the Newborn wars. He was a soldier as a human and as a vampire. He's able to feel and manipulate others emotions. He's covered in scars and is very intimidating.

He still struggles with the diet and honestly I hate how the others handle it. Like they have no room to talk. I don't want to defend the confederate but it just pisses me off. He has to deal with his hunger on top of everyone else's. Like damn, besties always on edge! Everyone doubts him which I don't think helps any.

Also, Mountain lions and Cheetahs can purr!

@aquanova99 I'll do a Volturi one too. That one will be fun lmao

#twilight saga #the twilight saga #twilight au #bella swan #edward cullen #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #jasper hale #jasper cullen #alice cullen #rosalie hale #rosalie cullen #emmett cullen #the cullens #the volturi #honestly look at the muscle definition on that thing #jesus chriiiist

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tardytothepardy · 3 years

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Ok, so I've just finished reading through Gakuen Alice, the whole finale and everything, and I kinda feel like it was either rushed, or missing something. There were just weird elements to it, and stuff that doesn't make sense to me.

(massive spoilers for a lot of the series below, just an fyi)

So, in the finale, Mikan's been taken away from Alice Academy, and has been away from it for a couple years. She has no memory of anything from that time, though she sometimes still gets hit by intense emotions unexpectedly, most likely parts of her memory trying to get through. She's a high school student, she's 16 years old, and apparently there's recently been an incident of kidnappings in the area that seem to specifically target girls around her age.

So when she goes down to the beach with her two friends, simply called Sa-chan and Shi-chan, and a bunch of shit starts going down, there's reason to panic, right? Ahh, there's a bunch of men here that I don't know that are going to kidnap me!!! But then, another group of men that she doesn't know show up and beat them up! Whoa! Then, randomly, for some reason, one of her friends just smooshes up her face and suddenly she's an entirely different person. But that's not all. All these new strange men seem to know her, and they have crazy powers! There's one guy who just made all the kidnappers pass out with a wave of his hand! Another guy seemed to just make fire spring out of nowhere! What the fuck??

I just,, the way that Narumi and Tsubasa and Natsume and Tonouchi and fuckin,,, everyone else just seems to think it's so funny and wacky that Mikan, who does not remember any of them, is freaking out and thinking they are going to kidnap her, it bothers me. Like, imagine just going through your day, then a bunch of weird men who act like they know you surround you completely, then just laugh at you when you freak out. What the hell.

I just generally have gripes about how the characters act, basically. It's just fucking weird to me, idk. Could it be due to the fact that I read all of this within the span of maybe three days? Sure. But still.

Starting off, I just have to talk about how Natsume,,, acted? behaved? responded? something,, to Mikan. He fecking grabbed her wrist (and uh, again, she hasn't remembered who any of these people are yet) and just fuggin stares at her. Sure, that does trigger something in Mikan's memory, and she's starting to vaguely re-remember stuff, but then he just??? grabs her chest????? What????? WHy?? Would??? you??? do?? that????? I just,,, I know that he did do shit like that earlier in the series, constantly making comments about how flat her chest was (YOUR HONOR SHE'S FECKING TEN YEARS OLD WHAT'S YOUR DEFENSE) and looking down her shirt or whatever, but,, from around the first Christmas party onwards, he never pulled any of that shit. He never made comments about any of that weird shit, none of that. I (foolishly, apparently) thought that he had,, I dunno,, kinda moved on from that whole,,,, assault,,, thing,,, but no. Guess not.

And like, at this point, idk how old he would be, but probably around 17 ish years old. Wh-- why?? What,, what-- WHY DID HE DO THAT??? WHY DID HE THINK THAT WAS A CORRECT THING TO DO??? It was bad enough when they were younger and actually knew each other, it's fucking gross and uncomfortable now that they're both older and SHE DOESN'T FUCKING REMEMBER WHO THE FUCK HE IS. To her, he's just some random creep who groped her? Ah, teenage romance, what a dream~~

After that.... incident, a few other things happen, but he just fucking grabs her (she still hasn't fully realized what is going on or who any of these random men are) and fukkin yells at her for leaving the school before he woke up, all those years ago. Dude, buddy, pal, friendo, she didn't have any control over any of that shit. She wasn't the reason that Nodacchi brought him back a week or so after Mikan left, she didn't know any of that!! She was waiting that whole time, but she didn't have any control over when Nodacchi would bring back Natsume, I just,,, why. It annoys me immensely.

(i'm rereading through the whole interaction again and uh,, yeah that one panel where he's holding her and just starts talking about shit that she doesn't remember or understand and then fuggin says "You are mine"??? UH,, DUDE?? NO. STOP. Props to Mikan for not losing her shit bc I definitely would. I'd be having a panic attack or something, this is an intensely stressful situation and I just,,, The sighs that I am sighing are so intense. Disappointment is accompanying every exhale, I stg.)

It is only after Mikan absorbs that fragment of her first Alice stone that she even starts to remember stuff and I just,, I do not like it.

Moving on from that, Ruka. What's up with him. What's he been doing this whole time. Idk. He just feels weird to me. Maybe it's the fact that everyone's all grown up and all seem to be experiencing a particularly nasty case of same-face-syndrome, but he just seems so,,, bland? Empty? There's something off about it, I don't get it. I mean, at least Ruka doesn't try to do something to Mikan when she hasn't remembered who tf he is, so he has that going for him.

At least he has a purpose beyond just standing there: it's to give Mikan those earbuds that Hotaru made, and they allow for Mikan to hear Hotaru's voice which spurs her to become determined to find her. (Also apparently whenever this is all taking place, that is actually Mikan's birthday. Some point in the summer, I think? I can't say for sure without checking the wiki.) (ok so I looked at the wiki and it says her birthday is May 17th, so, yeah.)

But yeah I just,, after Mikan remembers everything and agrees that she wants to find Hotaru, the entire Class B from when Mikan was in the Alice Academy is suddenly transported there, and among the things that I saw, I saw that Nobara and Persona,,, had a kid??? What??? I'm confused. Never mind the fact that he's probably like twice her age, easily, but like,,, where tf did that come from? I don't get why that happened. It's weird. Why? Why was that a thing? I'm confused.

I'm not sure that I'm just underwhelmed, I think I'm also kinda disappointed, honestly. The series had been picking up so much steam, there were so many things going on, feelings were developing and growing, and I was completely caught up in it. But after the scene where Hotaru and Subaru sacrifice themselves so that Mikan can be with Natsume in the future I just,, wasn't really feeling it? I mean, I was crying all the way through to when Mikan was being taken out of Alice Academy, that was sad and stuff, but then the last few chapters just felt so rushed. So many things (but it also felt like too few things) were just piled on top of each other, one thing after another, I didn't feel anything. I was expecting to be elated once Mikan and Natsume were reunited, after all, that was the whole reason why Hotaru sacrificed herself. I fuckin watched him die, and I was screaming and rocking around in my chair and hyperventilating, I was caught up in all of that. But when Mikan did remember everything and stuff, I was fine. "Oh, cool. That's nice." I don't even know why, honestly.

I think, really, that (and this sounds questionable) I preferred everyone as kids. Because up to this point, they've all been kids. The way that they act are the ways that kids act (more or less, no kid should be through a fraction of what these kids were through), and I became familiar with them. But now everyone's grown up, they're almost adults, but since this is the finale, there isn't time to show how people have changed, and so they just feel one-dimensional. Like, I think one of the main reasons why Natsume's actions threw me off so much was that, like I said, it seemed like he had dropped that behavior (of um, groping, assaulting, harassment, stuff like that) kinda early on in the story. From at least the first Christmas party and onward, he never made weird comments, he just didn't do weird shit, and that's why it's so weird that that's what he decided to do. "Hey, how I can jog the memory of the girl that I fell in love with all those years ago? Well, I suppose I can grab her chest and comment on how it's bigger. That seems like a solid plan." Dude, what? No.

This whole encounter, of finding Mikan, was a thing that was thought about, almost certainly planned, for who knows how long, but it just kinda feels like they (the entire group) had like, a week, to come up with a plan to find Mikan, try to get her memories back, and then ???? something???

It's weird, I'm tired, and kinda disappointed. Which is really sad, because I really liked the story up until the finale. I almost feel like there's something else, to the story. That chapter 180 isn't the end, but that's as far as I could read it, so that's all I could get from it.

#honestly part of me was kinda scared of this #I tried to not amp up my anticipation for it too much #maybe i ended up doing it anyway #if i do end up reading this series again (which I probably will) hopefully the ending won't feel so weird #part of it might be the fact that I'm not reading the actual books (bc they only got translated up to vol. 15 or so in English)#so I'm actually reading a fan-translation so it might not be exact #but I find it hard to believe that they would just snafu the FINALE so fucking hard???#Minor grammatical errors are one thing but the entire ending of a series feeling weird underwhelming and hollow is another #idk #Maybe as I take time to think about it and take it all in I'll come another conclusion but for right now #I'm disappointed #gakuen alice #mikan sakura #natsume hyuuga #ruka nogi #hotaru imai

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marauders-venting · 3 years

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Happy Birthday Moony

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff

warning: i don’t think there are any but if anybody sees something i should add please let me know

words: 2288

summary: it’s Remus’ birthday and his friends throw him a party. it’s not big or chaotic, just his close friends. Remus prefers it that way. but despite how much he has been enjoying this day, he can’t stop thinking about Sirius, pining for him. but Remus is determined not to let those feelings get in the way.

a/n: this is the first oneshot i’ve written. it’s definitely not my best piece of work and i’m not sure how much i like it. but i was determined to post something for remus’ birthday so here it is. i hope some people enjoy it (although i don’t really have any followers so i don’t know who i expect to see this but if you do read it, i’m open to any comments/tips/criticism from anybody but please be nice)(also i hope i did the tags right)

Remus was watching Sirius. He couldn’t help it. It was his birthday after all. He should be allowed to watch whomever he wanted to. He stared at the line of Sirius’ jaw, the curve of his lips, the sparkle in his blue-grey eyes, the flush in his cheeks as he took another sip of alcohol. Remus watched Sirius, he noticed these things, but he was constantly reminding himself that Sirius was not his to watch.

He had had a good day, really he had. His friends had decorated their dorm with balloons and banners for his birthday, they had showered him with birthday wishes and gifts, they threw him a party but not something big and loud; it was just Remus’ friends, the other three marauders and Lily, Mary, Marlene, Dorcas and Alice. Remus preferred it that way, smaller, fewer people. But the size didn’t make the celebration any less of a party. There was music being played, dances being dances, songs being sung, games being played, alcohol being drunk. Remus was happy. But if he was happy, why couldn’t he stop thinking about his unrequited crush for one second?

Peter had brought a cake from the kitchens. Nobody knew how he managed to get it but nobody was questioning or complaining about his methods. There were sixteen candles on the cake.

“Don’t forget to make a wish!” Alice said as Remus blew out the candles. Remus didn’t make a wish. He didn’t believe in making wishes. When he was younger, he used to wish for the same thing every birthday: that his lycanthropy would go away. But the years passed and Remus’ wish never came true, so Remus stopped making wishes altogether. It was easier to just not hope for anything. But if Remus was given a single wish right now, he’d wish for Sirius, that Sirius would love him in the same way that he loved Sirius. And every moment that Remus spent staring at Sirius made it more and more difficult to accept that he’d never get his wish.

So Remus tries to refocus his attention on the conversation.

“James, pass me a beer,” Marlene said, holding out her hand. James tosses her a beer and she tries to catch it but doesn’t even come close. She picks it up off the floor, magicks the cap off and takes a sip.

“Marlene, did you just miss a catch?” Lily asks, her shock dramatically exaggerated.

“I did not,” Marlene insists, her arms crossed.

“How drunk are you, Marlene?” Remus asks, smirking.

“Better be careful, Marly,” Dorcas says. “If you drop the Quaffle like that at next week's match, James will kick you off the team.”

“Hey, I am not that mean,” James protests. “I wouldn’t kick her off the team.” Dorcas snorts.

“No, no he’s right,” Peter says, seriously. “He wouldn’t kick Marlene off the team, he’d have her head. And then he wouldn’t need to kick her off the team because headless people can’t play Quidditch.”

“You guys are being ridiculous; I’m not that bad,” James says defensively. “I just… really like winning. So I get a little bit strict.”

“Yeah, ok,” Sirius snorts. Then he goes into full story-telling mode. “It was our third year. We lost the match to Ravenclaw because that one kid, Dawson, tried to hit the Bludger at Ravenclaw’s seeker but missed and they caught the snitch. Afterwards, James, you come up to me and say, and I quote, ‘Dawson should be kicked off the team.’ And I was like, ‘ok mate, don’t you think that’s kind of harsh?’ And you just shrugged and said, ‘it’s what I would do if I were the captain’. Just cause he messed up! One time! So yeah, you are that bad, Prongsie.”

“Wha— how do you even remember— oh you know what, fuck all of you,” James grumbles.

“Don’t worry, we all still love you,” Sirius adds, reaching out his hand to ruffle James' hair. He stands up to get another slice of cake and Remus’ eyes linger on him until continuing to stare at Sirius would have meant having to turn his head 180 degrees.

“I’m bored,” Mary says. “Let’s play a game.”

“Truth or Dare,” Lily pipes up. Peter groans.

“That is literally the worst game on the planet,” he says. “And we always play it.”

“Do you have any better ideas?” Lily says, glaring at him. Peter says nothing. “Didn’t think so. Truth or Dare it is. Remus, it’s your birthday so you can ask first.”

“Ok,” Remus says. “Alice, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Fuck, I thought you’d say Dare. Damn it, I don’t have any good Truths for you.”

“Oh, oh, I have one,” Dorcas says. She leans towards Remus and whispers the Truth in his ear.

“Fine,” Remus says. “But only because I couldn’t think of anything better. How long have you liked Frank and when exactly do you plan on asking him out?” Alice turns red and slaps Dorcas on the arm. Dorcas cackles.

“Oh come on, it was so obvious,” she says. “Now answer the question.”

“Fine. I’ve liked him for… I don’t know. A couple of weeks maybe? I’m not keeping track. And I plan on asking him out never,” Alice says. “My turn.”

“Wait, what? Why won’t you ask him out?” Sirius’ voice comes from right behind Remus, making him jump. “Sorry Moony,” Sirius adds, putting his hand on Remus’ shoulder, steadying him. Remus still feels the touch even after Sirius removes his hand. He tries to shake it off.

“Pads, have you ever met Alice?” Remus says, turning around to face him. “When was the last time she asked out a guy?” Alice was pointing at Remus, indicating that he was exactly right.

“But why not?” Sirius asked.

“Because,” Alice said. “I don’t know. It’s too nerve-wracking. If he likes me, then he’ll ask me out. And if not then I’ll just move on, I guess?”

“Or you could just ask him out yourself,” Mary chimed in.

“Or not,” Alice says. “It’s my turn now, so shush. Dorcas—” Alice turns to face her, “Truth or Dare?”

“Dare,” Dorcas says.

“I dare you to stand up on the bench at breakfast tomorrow, cast Sonorus on yourself and start singing a Muggle song.”

“Challenge accepted,” Dorcas says. “But I don’t know any Muggle songs so one of you is going to have to find me one.”

“I have one for you,” Mary says. “Dancing Queen by ABBA.”

“Oooooo yes,” Lily says, nodding in agreement.

“Teach it to me then,” Dorcas says.

“I can play it now.” Mary taps the record player sitting in the corner of the common room with her wand and the song starts playing. The girls stand up and start dancing and James joins in before long. Remus waits for Sirius to do the same, given that Sirius never misses the opportunity to show off his dancing skills. But he doesn’t.

“Remus,” Sirius’ voice whispers from behind him. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” he asks, still keeping his voice down

“Sure.” Sirius takes Remus by the arm and pulls him towards the stairs of the dormitories. The others are too caught up in the singing and the dancing to notice them leaving. The touch of Sirius’ hand on Remus’ bare arm is enough to make Remus dizzy. It burns and Remus craves more. He wants more than arms touching, more than accidental bumps of the hand.

“I wanted to give you your birthday present,” Sirius says, after closing the dormitory door. He hands Remus a beautifully wrapped package. Remus slowly opens the wrapping paper, careful not to tear any of it. Inside is a book. A book that Remus had been talking about non-stop for the past five months. It was by his favourite Muggle author and had been published just two days ago.

“Sirius,” Remus says, turning over the book in his hand, “how did you even get this?” Sirius shrugs.

“On Wednesday I snuck into Hogsmeade, took that Muggle thing that you taught me how to ride—”

“A bus?”

“Yes, that thing. I found the nearest bookshop and waited with a crowd of people until they finally opened and, y’know, shoved people out of the way so I could get a copy before they ran out. Mind you, I’m pretty sure I nearly broke the Statute of Secrecy when I paid for it. I've got no clue how to use Muggle money. I’m pretty sure the guy at the cash register thought I was insane.”

“Sirius,” Remus says again, “this is just… incredible. Absolutely incredible. You are incredible. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Sirius says shrugging. “But I wanted to. You deserve it, Remus. Also, this was the only way to get you to shut up about that goddamn book.” Remus laughs.

“If you think that I’m going to shut up about it now that I actually have it you are sorely mistaken,” Remus says and now it’s Sirius’ turn to laugh. Remus catches himself staring at the way Sirius’ mouth looks when he laughs. The way the edges of his lips curve up into a smile before they part, revealing white teeth; the way Sirius’ grey eyes light up, the smile in his eyes just as telling as the smile in his mouth; the way the happy, bubbly sound of Sirius’ laughter makes Remus’ glow inside.

Remus looks away, his face flushed. He shouldn’t be thinking like this.

“I have one more present for you,” Sirius starts, and Remus can hear his voice shake ever so slightly, “But only if… only if you want it.” Remus is facing Sirius but his head is tilted towards the ground. He can’t quite meet Sirius’ eye.

“Pads, you’ve given me more than enough…”

“Shhh,” Sirius says, and he places a finger on Remus’ lips to silence him. It works. Remus has been effectively shocked into silence. He feels frozen like he couldn’t say another word even if he wanted to.

“Remus,” Sirius whispers. “Look at me.” He tilts Remus’ chin so Remus has no chance but to look Sirius in the eyes. “Look at me.” And then, without warning, without a second’s hesitation, Sirius kisses him. And Remus freezes on the spot. For a moment, Sirius has very literally taken his breath away. But as soon as Sirius’ thumb brushes his cheek, Remus feels himself relaxing. And it feels familiar even though it’s new. It feels so right. But just as Remus’ is getting used to the feeling of Sirius’ lips on his, Sirius pulls away almost as quickly as he came in. Remus feels frozen again. Like he can’t move a single muscle in his body. But inside this frosty exterior, a fire is raging, wanting more. More of Sirius’ burning touch that fuels the flames, more of his lips that melt the world as they connect with Remus’. More of Sirius. His disappointment at the abrupt end of the kiss must show on his face. But Sirius completely misinterprets it.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius says, backing away from Remus and shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know why… I’m sorry Remus. Just forget about it.” This snaps Remus out of his frozen state.

“No, no, no please don’t be sorry,” he says, begging Sirius to have meant the kiss. “Please, please don’t be sorry, Sirius.” And Remus feels like words are failing him because he can’t express how much he needs Sirius to have wanted that kiss, how much he needs the wanting that he felt in that kiss to be real for Sirius too. He can’t express it in words, but Sirius is looking at him with his penetrating grey eyes and he’s still so close. Close enough to kiss.

“Can I kiss you?” Remus asks. Sirius’ eyes meet his. He nods. So Remus does. He gives in to the fire, he gives the fire exactly what it wants. And Sirius gives him more this time too. Sirius’ hands find Remus’ neck. They travel down to his back, slowly making their way to Remus’ waist. So Remus’ hands, seemingly of their own accord, slide up into Sirius’ hair, pulling Sirius in, taking more and more. And all the while, their lips are pressed together and when Remus’ lips part in a sigh he feels his face heat but Remus barely has time for self-conscious thoughts before Sirius is slipping his tongue into Remus’ mouth, making all of the thoughts slip out of Remus’ brain; Sirius is all that remains. Sirius is all that there ever was, all that there is and all that there ever will be. And Remus is perfectly fine with that. And when they finally break apart, they’re both breathless.

“I love you, Remus,” Sirius says, his fingers grazing Remus’ cheek. “I’m in love with you.” Remus feels his breath catch (yet again) because no, this is too good to be true.

“Are you drunk?” Remus asks.

“I’m drunk enough that I had the guts to do this,” Sirius says, shrugging, “but not so drunk that you should have any reason not to believe me when I tell you that I’ve wanted this for so long. That I’ve wanted you for so long.”

“Are you sure?” Remus asks and his voice comes as a whisper because that’s all he can muster.

“Positive.”

“I love you too,” Remus says. He takes Sirius’ hand, letting their fingers lace together and feeling a warmth spread from the tips of his fingers to the rest of his body.

“Happy birthday, Moony,” Sirius says, leaning in to kiss Remus again, granting the birthday wish that Remus had been too afraid to make.

#remus lupin #remus lupin fluff #wolfstar #wolfstar fluff #wolfstar fanfic #sirius black #moony #padfoot #remus x sirius #marauders #james potter #lily evans #mary macdonald #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #alice longbottom

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popculty · 3 years

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52 Films by Women: 2020 Edition

Another annual challenge complete!

Last year, I focused on diversifying my list. This year I kept that intention but focused on watching more non-American films and films from the 20th century. Specifically, I sought out Agnès Varda’s entire filmography, after her death in 2019. (I was not disappointed - What a filmmaking legend we lost.)

I also kept a film log for the first time and have included some of my thoughts on several films from that log. I made a point of including reviews both positive and negative, because I think it’s important to acknowledge the variability and breadth of the canon, so as not to put every film directed by a woman on a pedestal. (Although movies directed by women must clear a much higher bar to be greenlit, meaning generally higher quality...But that’s an essay for another day :)

* = directed by a woman of color

bold = fave

1. The Rhythm Section (2020) dir. Reed Morano - Not as good as it could have been, given Morano’s proven skill behind the camera, but also not nearly as bad as the critics made it out to be. And unbelievably refreshing to see a female revenge story not driven by sexual assault or the loss of a husband/child.

2. Cléo de 5 à 7 (1962) dir. Agnès Varda - If you ever wanted to take a real-time tour of Paris circa 1960, this is the film for you.

3. Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig - Still my favorite Little Women adaptation. I will re-watch it every year and cry.

4. Varda by Agnès (2019) dir. Agnès Varda & Didier Rouget

5. Booksmart (2019) dir. Olivia Wilde - An instant classic high school comedy romp that subverts all the gross tropes of its 1980s predecessors.

6. Girls of the Sun (2018) dir. Eva Husson

7. Blue My Mind (2017) dir. Lisa Brühlmann

8. Portrait of a Lady On Fire (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma - Believe the hype. This film is a master thesis on the female gaze, and also just really effing gorgeous.

9. Belle Epine (2010) dir. Rebecca Zlotowski

10. Vamps (2012) dir. Amy Heckerling - With Krysten Ritter and Alicia Silverstone as modern-day vampires, I was so ready for this movie. But it feels like a bad stage play or a sit-com that’s missing a laugh-track. Bummer.

11. *Birds of Prey (2020) dir. Cathy Yan - Where has this movie been all our lives?? Skip the next onslaught of Snyder-verse grim-darkery and give me two more of these STAT!

12. She’s Missing (2019) dir. Alexandra McGuinness

13. The Mustang (2019) dir. Laure de Clermont-Tonnere - Trigger warning for the “protagonist” repeatedly punching a horse in the chest. I noped right out of there.

14. Monster (2003) dir. Patty Jenkins – I first watched this movie when I was probably too young and haven’t revisited it since. The rape scene traumatized me as a kid, but as an adult I appreciate how that trauma is not the center of the movie, or even of Aileen’s life. Everyone still talks about how Charlize “went ugly” for this role, but the biggest transformation here isn’t aesthetic, it’s physical – the way Theron replicates Wuernos’ mannerisms, way of speaking, and physicality. That’s why she won the Oscar. I also love that Jenkins calls the film “Monster” (which everyone labels Aileen), but then actually uses it to tell the story of how she fell in love with a woman when she was at her lowest, and that saved her. That’s kind of beautiful, and I’m glad I re-watched it so that I could see the story in that light, instead of the general memory I had of it being a good, feel-bad movie. It’s so much more than that.

15. Water Lilies (2007) dir. Céline Sciamma – Sciamma’s screenwriting and directorial debut, the first in her trilogy on youth, is as painfully beautiful as its sequels (Tomboy and Girlhood). It’s also one of the rare films that explores the overlap of queerness and girl friendships.

16. The Trouble with Angels (1966) dir. Ida Lupino – Movies about shenanigan-based female friendships are such rare delights. Rosalind Russel is divine as Mother Superior, and Hayley Mills as “scathingly brilliant” as the pranks she plays on her. Ida Lupino’s skill as an editor only enhances her directing, providing some truly iconic visual gags to complement dialogue snappy enough for Gilmore Girls.

17. Vagabond (1985) dir. Agnès Varda – Shot with a haunting realism, this film has no qualms about its heroine’s inevitable, unceremonious death, which it opens with, matter-of-factly, before retracing her final (literal) steps to the road-side ditch she ends up in. (I’m partly convinced said heroine was the inspiration for Sarah Manning in Orphan Black.)

18. One Sings, The Other Doesn’t (1977) dir. Agnès Varda – Probably my favorite classic Varda, this film feels incredibly personal. It’s essentially a love story about two best friends with very different lives. For an indie made in the ‘70s, the diversity, scope, and themes of the film are impressive. Even if the second half a drags a bit, the first half is absolute perfection, engaging the viewer immediately, and clipping along, sprinkling in some great original songs that were way progressive for their time (about abortion, female bodily autonomy, etc) and could still be considered “bangers” today.

19. Emma (2020) dir. Autumn de Wilde

20. Black Panthers (1969) dir. Agnès Varda

21. Into the Forest (2016) dir. Patricia Rozema - When the world was ending (i.e. the pandemic hit) this was the first movie I turned to - a quiet, meditative story of two sisters (Elliot Page and Evan Rachel Wood) surviving off the land after a sudden global blackout. Four years later, it’s still one of my favorite book-to-screen adaptations. I fondly remember speaking with director Patricia Rozema at the 2016 Chicago Critics Film Festival after a screening, her love for the source material and desire to “get it right” so apparent. I assured her then, and reaffirm now, that she really did.

22. City of Trees (2019) dir. Alexandra Swarens

23. Never Rarely Sometimes Always (2020) dir. Eliza Hittmann - To call this a harrowing and deeply personal journey of a sixteen-year-old who must cross state lines to get an abortion would be accurate, but incomplete. It is a story so much bigger than that, about the myriad ways women’s bodies and boundaries are constantly violated.

24. Paradise Hills (2019) dir. Alice Waddington

25. *Eve’s Bayou (1996) dir. Kasi Lemmons – I’ve been meaning to watch Kasi Lemmons’ directorial debut for many years now, and I’m so glad I finally have, because it fully deserves its icon status, beyond being one of the first major films directed by a black woman. Baby Jurnee Smollett's talent was immediately recognizable, and she has reminded us of it in Birds of Prey and Lovecraft Country this year. If merit was genuinely a factor for Oscar contenders, she would have taken home gold at eleven years old. Beasts of the Southern Wild has been one of my all-time favorites, but now I realize that most of my appreciation for that movie actually goes to Lemmons for blazing the trail with her story of a young black girl from the bayou first. It’s also a surprisingly dark story about memory and abuse and familial relationships that cross lines - really gutsy and surprising themes, especially for the ‘90s.

26. Blow the Man Down (2019) dir. Bridget Savage Cole & Danielle Krudy - Come and get your sea shanty fix!

27. Touchy Feely (2013) dir. Lynn Shelton - R.I.P. :(

28. Hannah Gadsby: Douglas (2020) dir. Madeleine Parry - If you thought Gadsby couldn’t follow up 2018′s sensational Nanette with a comedy special just as sharp and hilarious, you would have been sorely mistaken.

29. Girlhood (2013) dir. Céline Sciamma

30. Breathe (2014) dir. Mélanie Laurent

31. *A Dry White Season (1989) dir. Euzhan Palcy

32. Laggies (2014) dir. Lynn Shelton

33. *The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood – Everything I’ve ever wanted in an action movie: Immortal gays, Charlize Theron wielding a labrys (battle axe), kinetic fight choreography I haven’t seen since the last Bond movie…Watched it twice, then devoured the comics it was adapted from, and I gotta say: in the hands of black women, it eclipses the source material. Cannot wait for the just-announced sequel.

34. Morvern Callar (2002) dir. Lynn Ramsay

35. Shirley (2020) dir. Josephine Decker

36. *Radioactive (2019) dir. Marjane Satrapi – The story is obviously well worth telling and the narrative structure – weaving in the future consequences of Curie’s discoveries – is clever, but a bit awkwardly executed and overly manipulative. There are glimpses of real brilliance throughout, but it feels as if the director’s vision was not fully realized, to my great disappointment. Nonetheless, I appreciated seeing Marie Curie's story being told by a female director and embodied by the always wonderful Rosamund Pike.

37. *The Half of It (2020) dir. Alice Wu - I feel like a real scrooge for saying this, but this movie did nothing for me. Nothing about it felt fresh, authentic or relatable. A real disappointment from the filmmaker behind the wlw classic Saving Face.

38. Mouthpiece (2018) dir. Patricia Rozema - I am absolutely floored. One of those films that makes you fall in love with the art form all over again. Patricia Rozema continues to prove herself one of the most creatively ambitious and insightful directors of our time, with this melancholic meditation on maternal grief and a woman’s duality.

39. Summerland (2020) dir. Jessica Swale - The rare period wlw love story that is not a) all-white or b) tragedy porn. Just lovely.

40. *The Last Thing He Wanted (2020) dir. Dee Rees – As rumored, a mess. Even by the end, I still couldn’t tell you who any of the characters are. Dee, we know you’re so much better than this! (see: Mudbound, Pariah)

41. *Cuties (2020) dir. Maïmouna Doucouré – I watched this film to 1) support a black woman director who has been getting death threats for her work and 2) see what all the fuss is about. While I do think there were possibly some directorial choices that could have saved quite a bit of the pearl-clutching, overall, I didn’t find it overly-exploitative or gross, as many (who obviously haven’t actually watched the film) have labeled it. It certainly does give me pause, though, and makes me wonder whether children can ever be put in front of a camera without it exploiting or causing harm to them in some way. It also makes one consider the blurry line between being a critique versus being an example. File this one under complicated, for sure.

42. A Call to Spy (2019) Lydia Dean Pilcher – An incredible true story of female spies during WWII that perfectly satisfied my itch for British period drama/spy thriller and taught me so much herstory I didn’t know.

43. Kajillionaire (2020) dir. Miranda July - I was lucky enough to attend the (virtual) premiere of this film, followed by an insightful cast/director Q&A, which only made me appreciate it more. July's offbeat dark comedy about a family of con artists is queerer and more heartfelt than it has any right to be, and a needed reprieve in a year of almost entirely white wlw stories. The family's shenanigans are the hook, but it's the budding relationship between Old Dolio (an almost unrecognizable Evan Rachel Wood) and aspiring grifter Melanie (the luminous Gina Rodriguez) that is the heart of the story.

44. Misbehaviour (2020) dir. Philippa Lowthorpe – Again, teaching me herstory I didn’t know, about how the Women’s Liberation Movement stormed the 1970 Miss World Pageant. Keira Knightley and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s characters have a conversation in a bathroom at the end of the film that perfectly eviscerates well-meaning yet ignorant white feminism, without ever pitting women against each other - a feat I didn’t think was possible. I also didn’t think it was possible to critique the male gaze without showing it (*ahem Cuties, Bombshell, etc*), but this again, invents a way to do it. Bless women directors.

45. *All In: The Fight for Democracy (2020) dir. Liz Garbus and Lisa Cortes – 2020’s 13th. Thank god for Stacey Abrams, that is all.

46. *The 40-Year-Old Version (2020) dir. Radha Blank – This scene right here? I felt that in my soul. This whole film is so good and funny and heartfelt and relatable to any artist trying to walk that tightrope of “making it” while not selling their soul to make it. My only initial semi-note was that it’s a little long, but after hearing Radha Blank talk about how she fought for the two-hour run-time as a way of reclaiming space for older black women, I take it back. She’s right: Let black women take up space. Let her movie be as long as she wants it to be. GOOD FOR HER.

47. Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea Duvall - Hoooo boy. What was marketed as the first lesbian Christmas rom-com is actually a horror movie for anyone who’s ever had to come out. Throw in casual racism and a toxic relationship treated as otp, and it’s YIKES on so many levels. Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy, and an autistic-coded Jane are the only (underused) highlights.

48. *Monkey Beach (2020) dir. Loretta Todd

49. *Little Chief (2020) dir. Erica Tremblay – A short film part of the 2020 Red Nation Film Festival, it’s a perfect eleven minutes that I wish had gone on longer, if only to bask in Lily Gladstone in a leading role.

50. First Cow (2019) dir. Kelly Reichardt – I know Kelly Reichardt’s style, so I’ll admit-- even as I was preparing for an excellent film, I was also reaching for my phone, planning on only half paying attention during all the inevitable 30-second shots of grass blowing in the wind. (And yes, there are plenty of those.) But twenty minutes in, my phone was set aside and forgotten, as I am getting sucked into this beautiful story about two frontiersman trying to live their best domestic life.There is only one word to describe this film and that is: PURE. I’ve never seen such a tender platonic relationship between men on screen before, and it’s not lost on me that it took a woman to show us that tenderness. Reichardt gives us two men brought together by fate, and kept together by a shared dream and the simple pleasure of not being alone in such a hard world; two men who spend their days cooking, trapping, baking, and dreaming of a better life; two men who don’t say much, but feel everything for each other. The world would be a much better place if men showed us this kind of vulnerability and friendship toward each other. Oh, and it’s also a brutal take-down of capitalism and the myth of the American Dream!

51. Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) dir. Patty Jenkins - My most-anticipated film for the past two years was...well, a mixed bag, to say the least. Too many thoughts on it for a blog post, so stay tuned for the upcoming podcast ep where we go all in ;)

52. *Selah and the Spades (2019) dir. Tayarisha Poe

I hope this gives you some ideas to kick off your new year with a resolution to support more female directors!

What were your favorite women-directed movies of last year? Let me know in the tags, comments, or asks!

#finally finished this #52 films by women #2020 #writing #movies #movie reviews #orig

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trifoliate-undergrowth · 3 years

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Pacific Rim 3

I outline the plot of Pacific Rim 3 as experienced by me in a waking fever dream before and during today's 4am shift as a way to distract myself from real life stress with imaginary stress, written in breaks during work and in the parking lot before driving home because I'm going back to sleep when I get there and I want to preserve this fever dream first before I lose the details of it,

Ok I've been here for 3 hours and I don't know how to do a read more link on mobile I'm sorry you're getting this as is whether you want it or not I need to sleep goodbye

Dr. Gottlieb and Liwen are working on building their own portal to the Precursors to beat them up once and for all

Jake is seen giving an inspiring speech to a new wave of cadets who've been training with the old ones, now fully realized Jaeger pilots. Amara is everyone's favorite instructor.

Jake is very imposing and military and inspiring. Jake is everything the kids need him to be. Jake slips away from the party early and tears off his uniform before disappearing down a side street in his civilian clothes

Nate has the visible emotional human reaction of milk curdling and goes after him

Dr. Gottlieb and Liwen Shao are talking to someone about how they're making progress on the rift but they need help. Someone in particular who knows about alien tech. He's coming in on the next flight, actually. The person they're explaining this to gives a disbelieving "no..."

NEWTON

Wakes up in his house in the middle of fuckass nowhere. Somewhere away from technology he could theoretically use For Evil, or people he could theoretically hurt. This is, however, a self-imposed isolation, as he seems to have been granted his freedom, conditionally.

We see his morning routine, featuring normal stuff like making coffee, panic attack in the shower ft. indistinct memories of the Precursors, taking a massive dose of PPDC-granted experimental medication, starting the car, another indistinct alien trauma flashback, listening to the radio on the way to the airport where people appear to recognize him and he low-key has a panic attack because oh God everyone knows what I did

Jake leaves the bar and runs into Nate, who gives him the old Argh Argh Responsibility And Pride talk and Jake is like yeah man I know shut up

They have a fistfight in the rain and the neon lights in the alley outside the bar

No one properly wins because they've drifted so many times and they can predict each other's attacks but they both land a few and take a few, Jake gets hit a bit more because he's drunk

They both end up just sitting in the rain feeling sorry for themselves

Nate: Jules proposed to her girlfriend.

Jake: I know

Nate: they're getting married.

Jake: yeah that usually happens when someone proposes

So Jules wasn't going to end up with either of them and they're both sad about it. Nate suddenly suggests they go back in the bar. He'll buy Jake a drink to make up for beating him up. Jake is like ok sure but the drink's gonna be soda because I was LEAVING the bar because I was ALREADY drunk

They share a Soda Of Angst at the bar and talk about how they're gonna die alone. Jake says "at least we've got each other" and it's impossible to tell if he's joking. Nate is like "you know what this place isn't that bad we should come back sometime."

Newton reaches the lab. He is terrified of Liwen and awkward around Hermann. He instinctively calls Liwen "boss" and she reminds him matter-of-factly that they're working as equals now, "since you ruined my life's work."

Hermann asks how the medication is working and Newton indicates that it works fine but he still gets anxiety about it not being enough. Hermann promises him it's been proven effective, thus why the PPDC let him out of his crimes against humanity iron cell of shame. It's revealed that what they're giving him is a stronger dose of a medication originally developed for burned-out Jaeger pilots with unmanageable symptoms, and that it blocks out memories related to the drift--and since this is how the Precursors were reaching him, this works to block out their influence. The cost is that Newton doesn't remember much of anything past building his own neural bridge. He knows it happened but the details won't load. He's constantly worrying that it's not enough, that the Precursors will come back, and is taking a dangerously high dose that gives him constant hand tremors and worse insomnia than usual.

The first time he and Hermann are left alone they have an uncomfortable attempt at talking which gradually turns into an argument about nothing in particular. Newt keeps calling him Hermann but it sounds Wrong and Hermann hasn't been allowing people to just use his first name here and he finally snaps at Newton to stop it and he's like "oh my God I can't call you your NAME? what the hell am I supposed to call you??"

Newt says something angsty and Hermann says something like 'yes well the nicest thing that ever happened to me was drifting with a dead and decaying piece of kaiju viscera' and he says it sardonically but he's serious

Newt doesn't remember any context for the time they drifted.

Newt assumes he's being maliciously sarcastic and starts SCREAMING at him

Hermann just looks at him in shock at first then just lets him go for a little while

Eventually shutting his mouth by jabbing him under the chin with his cane and saying, very quietly and coldly, "get out of my lab"

Newton gets out of the lab

Newton runs into Nate and Jake at The Angst Bar and they recognize him but he has no idea who they are but he's willing to just roll with it at this point and asks them if they know Hermann well enough to give him advice

"like that was sarcasm right? I'm pretty sure he was making fun of me but now I'm less sure idk"

Nate's: no he's immune to sarcasm

Jake: yeah it's kinda funny

Nate: *the gaze*

Jake: I mean, nothing wrong with that, but yeah if he was being sarcastic that'd be first time it's happened as far as I can tell

Newt: are. Are you telling me. That someone actually. For some reason. Offered me a sincere compliment. And. I yelled at him

Jake: that's your call, I mean, you know him better than us, right? You guys were friends right?

Newton, who doesn't remember any of these people:

Nate: I mean I wasn't there, only way to tell is to go back and ask him

Newt: aaaaaaa

Newton goes back and Liwen is like "hey I've got no idea what's going on here but can you weirdos just act normal for two seconds so we can get some work done" and Hermann and Newt both just kinda. Laser focus on rift stuff

Remember the guy with the "no why would you involve Newton"reaction? No because he's but important and has no name or real identity? Yeah ok every Pacific Rim movie needs one Designated Douchebag to cause Interpersonal Drama and this guy is it. I'll call him DD for short

DD shows up and is like oh my God you actually turned Newton loose in the lab?? Why would you do this we're all going to die

Everyone just ignores him

Designated Douchebag has the self-importance of a high elf and the confidence of a fucking walnut and doesn't like being ignored

And starts talking directly to Newton, which really freaks Newton out but he continues pretending to ignore him

DD: so you're safe now? Not going to start speaking alien gibberish?

Newton: don't plan on it

Hermann, without turning around: DD you may not like to hear this but it was never your business who we brought in to assist, we don't need your permission, and complaining about Newton now that he's already here is certainly not going to do any good.

DD: alright fine but you'd better keep a close eye on him.

DD: anyways Newton tell your girlfriend I said hi

Newton, blank: who?

DD: you know, Alice?

Newton's face registers several emotions as he grapples with a name from the buried memories-confusion, disgust, terror-mostly shock

There is an abrupt cut

Liwen, thinking her two colleagues were acclimated to each other enough to allow her to leave the room and get tea without disaster, is walking back down the hallway talking with a lab tech when they hear the sound of something breaking

A moment later the doors to the lab are flung open and DD is forcibly ejected, collapsing on the floor in front of them. Dr. Gottlieb exits the lab behind him, holding his cane like a cricket bat. There is a muffled sound of Newton yelling OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

Liwen backs out of range of cane damage and sips her tea, mildly intrigued. The lab tech starts to run for help and nearly crashes into Nate and Jake, who came running to see what the yelling was about.

Nate: what is--

Dr. Gottlieb, panting with restrained bloodlust: HELLO SIRS GOOD TO SEE YOU I BELIEVE THERE'S BEEN A SECURITY BREACH BECAUSE THIS FELLOW HAS JUST BEEN CASUALLY CHATTING ABOUT RESTRICTED CLASS-J49 INFORMATION PLEASE LOCK HIM UP

DD: it's COMMON KNOWLEDGE and he ATTACKED me

Dr. Gottlieb: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID SIR!! *He takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and wipes some blood off the handle of his cane*

Nate: WHAT is happening

Newton: *trying to have a quiet hysterical laughter meltdown in the lab before anyone remembers he's there*

Anyways next plot point. An alien shows up

Not a Precursor! A nice alien

Listen if PR:U gets to pull all that bullshit with Mt Fuji I'm allowed to add aliens okay

Hermann should have a nice non-genocidal alien friend I think he deserves it

Anyways the alien is clearly a different species than the Precursors (or Kaiju) and seems friendly but they can't communicate with it, the linguistics team is working on it but it's going to take A Lot of Work

Hermann goes "hm I've got a quicker and more accurate option"and wheels out the drift interface

This alien's mind doesn't link well with human minds but Hermann is a pro and powers through

He gets seasick and throws up and finally comes out shaky with a bloody nose and eye but he's managed to communicate!

The alien is a diplomat from another world the Precursors attempted to colonize, they survived because the Precursors underestimated the humans' resilience and spread themselves too thin, trying to invade earth and the alien homeworld at the same time and then getting distracted dealing with the humans, which left the aliens time to prepare their defense

They're here to help with the war effort, they don't have a lot that's relevant to current human scientific understanding but they can help fill in some of the gaps in the human's knowledge about rifts

They're making progress! Yay!

Things are getting serious, training montage Jake and Nate and the new pilots getting ready to kick ass

Newton finally brings himself to apologize to Hermann and explain he was confused but the net progress here is still zero because then they immediately have ANOTHER argument

Hermann has started writing his notes in the alien's language, he wants to make sure he can remember it well enough to help the linguistics team, and it's also beautifully precise and he just loves it and loves that he's able to write it, come on who wouldn't be proud of being the first contact human

Newton sees a bunch of notes of Alien Gibberish (to him) and gets Bad Vibes

Newton doesn't think they can trust the alien, Hermann does but his proof is mainly "I can tell because I drifted with them" and Newton 1. Doesn't remember what that's like and 2. DOES remember that the last time he thought it was a good idea to drift with an alien he ended up nearly killing literally everyone on earth

They yell at each other some more

At some point Hermann tries to deescalate and asks why they can't be friends again and Newton, still yelling, says "people keep acting like we're friends and I don't remember it! As far as I'm concerned this is all we ever had! I barely remember you at all and what I do remember is that we hated each other!"

Hermann: ....I never hated you. .. alright, colleagues, then? We've got a rift to build

Newton, still hyperventilating slightly: ok ok yeah sure yeah

Interlude: Jules gets married!

She asks Hermann to walk her down the aisle (where she meets her wife, who walked down the opposite aisle to meet in the middle)

Newton, protesting "I don't know I don't feel like I should be here," is physically dragged into the venue by Liwen, who is telling him that this is a diplomatic event it's his duty to be at.

She drags him over to Hermann and settles between them, soaking in the chaotic gay science panic vibes

She seems to be enjoying herself

Jules sees Hermann in the audience and an evil gleam comes into her eye

She has a strong arm

She hurls her bouquet directly at his face

Hermann ducks, panic granting him lightning quick reflexes

The bouquet, travelling at about Mach 5, zooms past him and hits Jake Pentecost squarely in the nose

He inhales several petals of baby's breath and gets slapped in the eyelid by a vine and goes into a dramatic coughing fit. Nate pounds him on the back.

Alien, speaking through a translating device they've got set up (it isn't perfect but it works on a basic level mostly): is it bad luck to touch the flowers?

Hermann, still slightly panicked from the near miss: no it's ahh, there's this silly tradition that whoever catches the bouquet is likely to get married next, and ah, as you see there, sometimes a bride with a sense of humor will, err, intentionally aim it at someone who, uh, didn't necessarily want it?

Alien: I think I understand. My sibling often tells me to go the southern hills of ^°^=^^°^°^^°°= to find a mate, though I have told them many times that I have no such desire.

Nate and Jake are like "ok neither of us have a date I guess we're drinking our sorrows away together at the reception" and do that

And maybe make out a little bit

Neither of them is ready to deal with Feelings so they both just blame it on the alcohol and try not to think about it too hard

Newton, venting @ someone, explains that there's an empty space in his memory where he knows that that something about Hermann is supposed to go and it doesn't feel like the other, worse memories he's blocked out, it feels like he lost something precious, but he has no idea what that is

Hermann tells Newton he's been working on a device that might block out the Precursors' influence without affecting his memory, so he can use all of his knowledge. And so he isn't constantly so confused about who he does and doesn't know but he doesn't say that part

It connects to his skin a bit like a drift interface

Newton is terrified but enthusiastic about maybe being Less Confused All the Time

The fact that he is guarded by a full security detail to make sure he doesn't Become Evil Again the whole time he's going off his meds really doesn't help the stress much

Memories start coming back but they're confused and jumbled and at first he's not much better off

The Precursor nightmares are about what he expected but he keeps hearing Hermann's voice in there too and he's not sure why and he can't remember when he heard it like that

Meanwhile Hermann keeps needing to drift with the alien to clarify important details about the rift that they don't know how to translate into human terms, but it fucks him up a little bit more each time he does it until the last time he passes out for like at hour and wakes up disoriented with a nosebleed that just won't stop and Jake orders him to stop drifting

He's ok with that because they've got the information they needed anyway!

IT'S TIME, THEY'RE SENDING THE JAEGERS INTO THE RIFT

Newton, despite his misgivings, reluctantly joins Liwen, dr. Gottlieb and the alien in command to supervise the mission, still wearing the device and getting random bursts of confused memory

Jake and Nate are piloting the Lady Avenger (did u know gypsy is a slur and they prefer to be called Romani) and go though first and start punching Precursors and their bodyguard Kaiju

Newton goes very still and just stares at Hermann for like a solid minute while he's trying to work, his expression shifting to something new

Hermann, softly: what?

Newton, smiling: I remember you.

Hermann, furiously trying to interpret alien data: is this really the best time??

It's a close fight across the rift, the Precursors are on their home turf and the Jaegers are not, fighting in a bizarre low-gravity environment that doesn't really have floors

Their base is set up differently than expected and Hermann decides he needs to check something with the alien. By drifting with them. He's still bleeding uncontrollably after the last stunt that got him banned but he's determined to do it because It's Necessary

Newton takes the headset from him and puts it on instead

It feels Bad

But then he sees another planet, beautiful, so different from his own yet so similar. He sees aliens attacked by monsters from the deep, responding more or less how the humans had, moving inland, building useless walls, building their own monsters for defense. He sees the alien diplomat losing friends and family.

He sees the journey to earth, and drifting with Hermann. He sees the alien's memories of Hermann, and Hermann's memories in the drift. He sees how Hermann remembers him. What he forgot. What the Precursors had blinded him to.

He doesn't have time to think about it because he's feverishly trying to translate the knowledge he's receiving into data that works with their human technology so they can help the Jaegers and there's blood dripping from his face onto the controls but it's there, in the back of his mind, he knows now. Hermann missed him.

The Lady Avenger is hit and Jake is knocked unconscious. They begin to drift downwards as Nate, unable to move the Jaeger alone, yells at Jake with no response

Newton disconnects from the drift, nearly blacks out, and has to sit down for a minute. When he comes back around he sees the Jaegers are in trouble--none completely disabled yet, but they need more help

Newton has an idea

Newton: ok I'm gonna do something stupid. *To his security detail* listen I need you to aim your guns at me and shoot if you think I'm out of control

Liwen, with zero hesitation, reacting quicker than anyone else in the room, pulls out a gun and sticks it right in his face

Newton: see, yeah, that's what I was saying, like that. Thanks boss, glad someone here's got guts.

Liwen: not your boss

Newton: I kinda like saying it tho

Liwen: hm. I'll allow it.

Newton: ok. Hermann--uh

Hermann, hearing his name said right this time: it's ok

Newton: :) ok cool I'm going to deactivate the blocking device I need you to turn it back on as soon as I squeeze your hand, can you do that

Hermann: absolutely.

The Precursors are a hive mind. In battle, when pressed, they can force their thoughts outwards, confusing and scrambling the communications of other species while keeping in contact with each other. This is going well and normal until there's an unexpected distortion which resolves into Newton's voice

Yelling WHAT'S UP MOTHERFUCKERS I'M BACK

(epic Tom Morello riff)

Newton can't keep the connection open for more than a few seconds before they start to overwhelm him, Hermann pulls him back. It was enough to confuse the Precursors and give the jaegers an advantage.

During the delay, Jake wakes up. He's disoriented and in pain and so is Nate, still linked to him, but they can move again. They one-hit-k/o the Precursor that was creeping up on them, turn around, and realize they've drifted almost right into the reactor they've been looking for

So they blow it up

Hermann is still holding Newton's hand as everyone else celebrates. He looks at Newton for confirmation, who nods in relief.

"they're gone. Well, those ones are, anyway."

Humans start opening rifts across the galaxy to kick Precursor ass across multiple star systems

(epic Tom Morello riff intensifies)

Humans team up with multiple alien races previously menaced by the Precursors to take out their common enemy. Jaeger tech is combined with alien science, humans and aliens drifting

They figure out how to use a recording of Newton's Precursor-influenced brainwaves as a weapon to confuse them

So basically Newton makes a recording of himself screaming at the Precursors that's weaponized by teams across the galaxy and it's incredibly cathartic

Jake, in a hospital, is woken up by an infuriating snoring noise. Nate is sleeping in a chair by his bed. He's both annoyed and touched. Mostly the latter.

Hermann writes a book in what is now his third language, the alien script precise and beautiful

We see Newton and Hermann getting dressed together for an Important Event, they're both complaining about having to go but seem not to mind too much. Newton ties his tie too loose, like in the good old days. Hermann fixes it for him.

No one died

The free peoples of the galaxy took down the Precursors with no casualties and the power of screaming

#personal (ok to rb)#pacific rim #what to tag as #headcanons #fanfiction #sorta #humor #extended fever dream that wouldn't let me rest #EVERYONE'S GAY AND NO ONE DIED

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #455

“but you didn’t have to cut me off / make it like it never happened and that we were nothing”

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends? We're besties! :') Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual? No. Would you get a lip piercing? I already have a vertical labret. I've considered getting spiked snakebites (they might be called devil bites?) too, though. With a vertical labret, it looks sick as FUCK. It might be a bit much too close together for me, though, idk. Nose piercing? I want my right nostril re-pierced. What are you currently waiting for? Girt to message me back. I've decided what I want out of our relationship and just want to see him. Do you have feelings for anyone? Hit me pretty hard through a lot of examination of my feelings that yeah, I do. Have you ever run over an animal? Oh my god no, I would be DESTROYED. Have you chewed gum after someone else already has? bro what the fuck When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’? I do only out of expectation. I don't want someone to think I'm an ass or something for not saying it. When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle? A few years ago for my niece's birthday. She was scared of how loud it was and was very reluctant to get near it, so my fat ass got in there with everyone else to show her it was fine lol. I can't remember if she eventually got in. She loves them now, though. :') Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk? No, but thanks for the idea, ha ha. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. What is one food that you detest? Asparagus. Did you have a rebellious phase growing up? Not really. What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic. Are you still that religion? GOD NO. Do you often find yourself questioning your future? That's my full-time job. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 124. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same I listen to now. What pet names do you use with your significant other? I'm single rn, but usually, I go for "sweetie/sweetheart," "hunny," "love," "dear," stuff like that. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart. Have you ever seen a theatre show? Yes. What’s your favourite vegetable? Broccoli. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. I was SO fuckin upset because it was on Sara's birthday and planned in secret, and I was supposed to wake her up. It still wound up being a big surprise to her when she walked into her room and I was chillin' at her desk, ha ha, but I still wish it coulda gone as originally planned. Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them? Yes; they have a yappy-ass dog that doesn't shut up. I haven't met them. What color is your bedroom door? White. If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans? This may sound very ungrateful, but I have heard A LOT of celebrities say it: it would get old, being stopped constantly in public for signatures, pictures, etc. Like yes, I still WOULD be grateful, but I'd miss just being off the radar and able to go outside carrying out chores and stuff like a normal person. Have you ever met your favourite band/singer? No. :( Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like? Nah, not nowadays. Have you ever written a story? Yes, a kinda short one when I was little. Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it? The breakup with Jason and the fact we're just strangers again. It was really short, but I like it a lot, honestly. Do you have a chance with the person you like right now? I think so. What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child? A skeleton in my closet, lol. Literally. Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you? alkdsjflakjwle yes In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show? That '70s Show. 3rd Rock From the Sun is high up there, too. What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have? HYPOTHETICALLY, two, but I'm pretty damn serious about having none. I just always feel kinda bad for children without a sibling, but three would make me pull my hair out. Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness? Yes. I overreact to even minor symptoms to ANYTHING. Are you comfortable with who you are? No. Pretty much everything about myself embarrasses me, even if it shouldn't. Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it? Yes? Others' opinions don't affect how I feel about someone. Does popularity matter to you at all? No, outside of trying to be a successful photographer. Would you ever consider homeschooling your children? If they really wanted that and it would benefit them, yes. Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to? I discovered them myself. Do you ever read fanfiction? Nah. Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire? Jesus. A plane crash, I guess, because in a lot of cases, it would be an immediate death. What are your top five favourite TV shows? Meerkat Manor, Fullmetal Alchemist (and Brotherhood; shut up, they go together), That '70s Show, Ginga Densetsu Weed, and Deadman Wonderland. What is your favorite superhero movie? Logan. If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Uhhhh idk... I guess maybe a heart attack? Judging by doctor appointments, my heart is just fine, but the fact still remains that I'm technically obese, so that's always a risk. Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why? Facebook, yes. It was just depressing me. I was playing the comparison game REAL hard. Who is the most talented person you know? I dunno. I know many people talented in a lot of areas. Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with? No. Where did you and your current interest go on your first date? Bowling. Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened? Jason and Juan pursued me at the same time. They'd known each other in the past, and Juan hated him for "winning" his ex-girlfriend. Then when Jason and I got together, Juan wasn't the happiest for sure. Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened? Before I actually came out as bisexual, I don't think so? Are your parents more liberal or conservative? Conservative. Mom is more open, but still conservative. I think. What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year? I'm not in school. How far away does your closest family member live? I live with Mom. If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland? I actually strongly prefer Tim Burton's. Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not? Yeah. I just want to be in a long-term, serious, healthy relationship to reach that point and be as safe as possible about it. Are you more liberal or conservative? Liberal, but I do have some conservative beliefs, too. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I don't have one, given I never got into that franchise. What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry? Not a goddamn thing. What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done? Done "the thing." Name something that you are against. I'll go with an unconventional one that's a problem as of the late: making owning reptiles illegal. Why are you against it? Because reptiles are perfectly capable of being brilliant pets and, most importantly, can tame people's fears of them. I think that it's very important to see the worth and beauty in all animals, and reptiles are one of the most unappreciated families out there. :/ Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games? I played some of either the first or second one. I could never beat it. Old games are hard, man. Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy? I absolutely believe that it can get to an extreme that I don't like, but for the most part, I don't mind a clingy partner because hey, I am too. Beatles or Rolling Stones? Stonessss. When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? It'd been on my mind for a while, but I *officially* realized that I really do like-like Girt a couple days ago. And since then it's gotten a bit hardcore and all I wanna do is talk to him bc fuck me and how attached to people I get. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Every single time I go to the gym, I feel proud of myself because it REALLY takes a lot out of me. Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Nope. I'm willing to be a shoulder to cry on for like... anyone. If you're hurting, talk to someone. I'll be there as an easy option. What was the last thing to fascinate you? It was... INCREDIBLY disturbing and almost nauseating even for me, but I saw a video of a dead whale explode. It was GRUESOME. Guts just kept coming and coming and coming and :x Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Hmmm... I'm sure there is, but what, it's not coming to me. Sudden, loud noises are an obvious answer. Do you have a favourite microorganism? ... No, I can't say I do. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Girt's, actually. It's in October. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? I did when I actually had them as a kid. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Ye. Have you ever owned chickens? No, but that'd be cool. Fresh eggs from a properly cared for chicken taste SO much better. When did you last listen to music? Currently. NOW I'm obsessed with Melodicka Bros & Violet Orlandi's cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." It's done in a gothic metal style and is amaaaazing.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''somebody that i used to know'' by gotye

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searchingwardrobes · 4 years

Text

Start of Time: 9/9

Here it is! The end of this journey! This has always been a gift for @teamhook, and my dear, I hope this ending brightens your day after all you have been through! I always knew this was where it would lead, with these exact bits of dialogue inspired by the song by Gabrielle Aplin that you shared with me. I even incorporated some lines from the song into the closing scene for you. Sending you lots of love, my friend!

Summary: Killian and his son are driving through a bad snow storm when they find a disoriented woman walking down the road. The question is, how can they help her get home when she has no idea who she is? Written for @teamhook on her birthday.

Rating: T

Trigger warning: Alice Jones appears in this fic and Alice and Henry are both Killian’s adopted children with Milah. Henry isn’t Emma’s. Positive past Millian. No Neal.

Words: about 3k in this chapter

Also on Ao3

Tagging: @snowbellewells @kmomof4@jennjenn615 @kday426 @let-it-raines @bethacaciakay @profdanglaisstuff @resident-of-storybrooke @thislassishooked @tiganasummertree@whimsicallyenchantedrose @snidgetsafan @delirious-latenight-laughs @winterbaby89 @distant-rose@shireness-says @xhookswenchx @optomisticgirl @spartanguard @branlovestowrite @welllpthisishappening @stahlop @hollyethecurious @ekr032-blog-blog @scientificapricot @wellhellotragic @vvbooklady1256 @sherlockianwhovian @superchocovian @nikkiemms @lfh1226-linda @ultraluckycatnd @ohmakemeahercules

It was awkwardly silent in the elevator. Honestly, it had been awkwardly silent the majority of the time between her and Walsh ever since she got home. Yet it seemed to hang even heavier between them since the doctor’s appointment earlier.

The elevator stopped at her floor, and the ding when the doors opened only punctuated the silence. Emma dug in her purse for her keys, and wished like every other time Walsh rode up with her how to politely send him away. He hadn’t pushed her for anything physical - mostly. He just whined like an oversized baby about it, constantly asking her when things would get back to normal.

In that sense, today’s appointment was almost a relief.

“Well, thanks for walking me up,” Emma told him as she grasped her keys.

Walsh gave her a smile that he must have thought was charming. It wasn’t.

“Come on now, Emma, you can’t let your fiance in for a few minutes?”

She pressed her hand firmly to his chest as he leaned in. “You’re not my fiance.”

“Of course I am. You just don’t remember.”

Emma narrowed her eyes at him. “Well, first of all, you heard the doctor today. Chances are, I won’t ever remember.”

“Chances is the word. You heard him, there’s always a chance. Especially if I jog your memory.”

He went to put his arms around her, and for the first time, Emma had to shove him off. It sent her heart beating erratically, and not in a pleasant way. It also sent anger flaring through her veins.

“God, do you even listen to me?” she shouted. She had tried so hard since she got back to New York to cooperate, hoping that following the lead of Walsh and Regina would bring her memories rushing back. Now she was sick of it.

“Actually I do,” Walsh snapped, “which is why I know you aren’t even trying to remember.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “You act like I’m doing this on purpose. And no, you don’t listen, because I wasn’t finished. Second, I don’t have a ring, Walsh.” Emma waved her hand in front of him.

“People don’t need a ring to get engaged.”

“I also listened to your message,” she bit out. “You proposed, but I never accepted. You may not need a ring, genius, but the girl has to actually say yes.”

“You didn’t say no.”

“Well, I am now.”

Walsh blinked. “Emma, seriously, this isn’t you.”

“No Walsh, it is me! Maybe this whole experience has changed me, maybe I’ll never fully remember who I was before, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have always been hesitant to marry you.” Emma pressed her fist, still clutching her keys, to her chest. “I know you and Regina keep treating me like a wounded puppy, but I do remember some things clearly. I was getting away to Maine because I was stressed and confused. I was unsure of so many things, including us.”

Walsh’s face fell, as if he were finally beginning to understand. “But I thought we were so good together.”

Emma was able to smile at him. She stepped closer, and laid a hand on his arm. “You were comfortable - safe. Being with you didn’t risk my heart because my feelings were on the surface. Your proposal brought all of that into focus.”

“So what you’re saying is, you were always going to say no.”

Emma nodded, truly feeling sorry for Walsh for the first time. “I’m so sorry. I don’t remember our first date or how we met, but I do remember that.”

Walsh nodded slowly, his shoulders slumping. He gave her a platonic hug, and Emma accepted it. Then he walked away from her, and when the elevator doors closed behind him, Emma sagged with relief against her door.

The phone in her jacket pocket vibrated, and she pulled it out to see text messages from her bandmates pop up one after another.

How did the appointment go? - Elsa

Did the doctor have good news? Are you getting your memories back? I’m dying with worry here! - Anna

Calling to check on you. And don’t take this the wrong way, but have you dumped Walsh yet? - Ruby

I wanna hear more about this hot vet you were snowed in with. And don’t tell me he wasn’t hot, I can read between the lines. - Ruby

Emma smiled as she scrolled through the messages. It was strange the way a brain injury worked. The moment she walked through her front door and saw her three best friends waiting for her, memories had flooded her. She didn’t remember anything but confusing feelings where Walsh was concerned, she couldn’t remember this supposed solo career Regina kept going on about, but she did remember these three amazing women. She couldn’t remember performing, but memories had returned of the times they spent together both on the road and before they hit it big. She also remembered the words to every single one of their songs. The doctor had explained to her that the brain was a complex organ. His theory was that she had retained her emotional memories, but not the details of her life.

Bizarre didn’t begin to cover it.

Emma locked the door behind her, toed off her shoes, and dropped her keys in the catch all by the door. She collapsed onto a couch that was too hard in a room that was too cold. The view of the city skyline outside her window seemed foreign. With a sigh, she moved to her bedroom, shooting off texts to her friends as she went. She slipped into a pair of comfortable pajamas, collapsed onto her bed, and grabbed the tv remote.

This was apparently her life, and she simply had no idea what to do with it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Checkmate!” Liam crowed with satisfaction, but his face fell when he looked across the chess board to find Killian staring absently at the chess pieces. “Little brother? I beat you. Again.”

Killian sighed and knocked over some of the pieces in frustration. “Sorry. I guess I’m just not in the mood tonight.”

Liam frowned. “This is still about Wendy, isn’t it?”

“Emma,” Killian corrected him as he ran a hand wearily down his face, “her name is actually Emma. Emma Swan.” His hand dropped to his lap, and he studied his brother warily. “And please spare me the I told you so.”

Liam leaned back, both hands lifted in the air in surrender. “I’m not going to say that, trust me. This is a situation where I hate being right.”

Killian arched a brow. “My brother? Hates being right? Who are you and what have you done to my real brother?”

“Haha, very funny. Seriously though, I liked her. I liked how happy you were when she was here. If the situation had been different -”

Killian cut him off. “But it wasn’t. She has a life, a career, a fiance somewhere else. God, I was such a fool.”

“No, you weren’t. You were generous in offering your home to her. I was wrong, Killian. You did the right thing. I can’t believe I was so callous towards her.”

Killian drummed his fingers on the table as he regarded Liam. “You never seem to realize what an ass you’re being to the women in my life until it’s too late.”

Liam leaned his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his fisted hands. “With Milah, you’re right. When you adopted Henry, I still gave her hell. I worried a child was just another novelty to her. But then she was such a wonderful mother, then you got Alice, and . . . .”

Liam trailed off with a long sigh. Killian’s brow furrowed in shock.

“I thought you didn’t soften towards her until she got sick. Why didn’t you say anything? Try to mend things with her?”

“You know how bloody stubborn I am. I’m sorry, Killian, I would do it all differently if I had the chance.”

“I know.” Killian could never stay angry at his brother for long. He loved him too much.

“Besides, who says it's too late with Wendy - I mean Emma. She may be missing you just as much as you’re missing her.”

Killian absentmindedly picked up a pawn and twirled it between his fingers. “Doubtful. She’s a bloody rock star, for God’s sake.”

“The kids miss her too, don’t they?” “Aye.”

“She said she’d keep in touch.”

“People always say that. Then they never do.”

“Give her time. None of this can be easy.”

Killian was about to counter that Emma had no reason to think of them now that her memories had most likely returned, but before he could, there was a knock at the door. He gave his brother a confused look. It was late, and the kids were already asleep. Who could possibly be knocking? He hurried to the door, looked through the keyhole, then swore under his breath to find the view blocked by greenery. Alice had made a wreath for the door, and he couldn’t see a damn thing past her handiwork. He wrenched the door open, expecting it to be a local farmer with a livestock emergency.

It wasn’t a farmer.

“Emma,” he breathed in awe.

She smiled, and it was like the sun came out.

“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you call me that.”

Killian chuckled as he scratched behind his ear. “Well, I’m a bit embarrassed that I didn’t

recognize you. Let’s just say it’s mostly Radio Disney around here. And something about K-Pop which I don’t really -”

“I was never engaged,” Emma blurted out.

“Oh?”

Emma twisted her hands nervously and shrugged. “He proposed, but I never accepted.” She trailed off, her gaze darting to her feet. “It felt important for you to know that.”

“There’s no need to explain,” he told her gently. “I’m just glad you’re getting your memories back.”

“I’m not,” she said, her gaze flying back to lock on his.

“What do you mean?”

She bit on her lower lip. “I mean, I don’t have my memories back. I remember bits and pieces, feelings mostly.” She paused and took a deep breath. “Look, there’s something I just gotta say, alright?”

Killian nodded. He’d been sort of speechless anyway since he opened the door.

She licked her lips nervously before plunging in. “The doctors say I might never get my memories back. Not all of them, anyway. But I’m okay with that because what little I remember either isn’t that great or it’s fantastic.” She winced as she closed her eyes for a second. “I’m not making any sense, am I?”

“Not yet,” he admitted, “but I’m still listening.”

She returned his smile with a wobbly one of her own. “Right. So, I remember that I was a foster kid. I must have been since I was a baby because that’s all I remember. I don’t remember any of the places I lived or who I lived with. All I remember is that I never had a home.”

His heart broke for her and the sheen of tears in her eyes, but he didn't interrupt.

“I remember I ran away all the time. I just figured that when you really have a home, when you leave, you just miss it. So my whole childhood, I just kept running waiting to feel that, but I never did. Then I found my band. And I got to keep running, on the road you know? But it was okay because my family was running with me. I think that’s why they’re the only people I remember. Except -”

She paused, and a look of fear flashed over her face. He took a step closer and took her hand. “Except?” he prompted.

“Except you. And the kids.” She winced again, shaking her head and laughing. “Not that I wouldn’t remember you, I mean I met you after. What I’m trying to say is . . . I miss you. When I left here, I missed it all so much. My band - the people in it - were home, but that was ending. And then I met you - and Alice and Henry. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s like my life got a reset that day you found me. I want to start time, right here. With you.”

Killian searched her face, scarcely daring to believe this was real. He reached up with a shaking hand and traced her jaw with his finger.

“What about your career?” he asked softly. The last thing he wanted was to take advantage of her while she was in a vulnerable place.

She smiled at him as a single tear slipped down her face. “I never wanted that career. I loved the band - the people, I mean. But not the performing or the limelight. I just want to play and write songs on my guitar. I can do that anywhere.”

He let hope expand his heart for the first time. He cupped her face with both hands, catching her tear with his thumb.

“Stay with me?” he asked her.

Emma’s eyes crinkled at the force of her smile. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Killian bent slowly to press his lips to hers in a tender kiss. She sighed and tilted her head, allowing him more access. He threaded his fingers through her soft hair as his tongue lazily explored her mouth. Emma pulled back and smiled with such blinding happiness, he could hardly take it in. Then her eyes fluttered closed, and she captured his lips again. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. He never wanted to let her go.

I'm an atom in a sea of nothing, looking for another to combine. Maybe we could be the start of something. Be together at the start of time.

Rolling Stone Magazine - Two Years Later:

. . . The Grammy’s this year brought one big surprise: Emma Swan Jones, former member of the female rock band Wendy Sewed it On, took home the Song of the Year award for penning Ruby Lucas’s number one smash hit “The Song in Your Heart.” The romantic power ballad was a slight departure for the normally angst-filled alternative rock Swan-Jones was known for when she was part of Wendy Sewed it On. Yet her new hyphenated last name along with her acceptance speech may give her fans a hint for the change. In her speech, she thanked “my true love, my husband Killian. Words can’t say enough how much you mean to me or how you’ve inspired me. I wouldn’t have this award without you, babe.” Judging by the baby bump she was proudly showing off beneath her Elie Saab couture gown on the red carpet, Emma Swan Jones is very happy with her man which may mean more romantic ballads from her in the future . . .

#cs ff #cs modern au #snowed in #start of time #daddy killian #amnesia #knightrook #angst #pining #for teamhook

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crow-in-a-teapot · 3 years

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radio silence

Right so I feel quite underwhelmed, to be honest. Probably because this book and author were so hyped up, and it was Kat's (paperbackdreams) favourite book that she talks about all the time, the bar was really high. The bar was 'this is going to be my new favourite book, it's going to resonate with me so much, and I am going to cry throughout it constantly'. And to be fair, I think that is too high of a bar considering it would've probably been a coincidence if we all had the same favourite books and storylines and life experiences. Though I DID read it in a couple of hours of nonstop reading, literally finished it in one night in a couldn't-tear-myself-away way, while sacrificing my sleep and finishing it at 2am and I think that means that I definitely liked it. It was very easy to read in that way. Anyway, that's pretty much my main thoughts about the book, but I think I got about a chapter in and I had realised - this isn't really for me.

(The thing about getting a chapter in, I think the start did just make me uncomfortable because the situation that Frances and Aled were in in their friend groups were the same situations I see other people in, and there's always an instant uncomfortable feeling of guilt and dread when I'm reminded that some people don't have those close, real friend groups, or find it so hard to socialise and end up in really bad mental places because of that, because they haven't from a young age like learned that skill almost of opening up to people and getting out of that small talk box. Obviously Frances finds Aled and Raine, and Aled has both Daniel and Frances, but those quiet, introverted people in real life.. Might never find that person. And I can't really do anything about that, or I can, but I don't because any friendship built on 'I just feel sorry for you' isn't a real friendship, and thus I feel guilty about it.)

The writing style reminded me a bit of fanfiction sometimes, which makes sense since it's only Alice Oseman's second book and the huge amount of pop culture references really added to that. (The amount of clothes-describing was pretty unecessary though) A thing about pop culture references is I'm not sure if it becomes a bad or a good thing when you have a book full of outdated pop culture references in say the next five years. Because there were already parts where I was like this internet experience is not my internet experience, because even thought his book came out in in 2016, the internet moves fast (this is without the famous podcast obviously), but I've heard about this internet experience from tumblr veterans and historians.

Some other stuff I will comment on was that a lot of stuff really did resonate with me, and I think there might be a chance of me bringing my rating up to four stars on goodreads or smth if I keep thinking about it in years to come, because a lot of the college and university metaphors and really-in-your-face-obviously-not-metaphors did hit me and threw me into a little bit of a thinking spiral as someone who's thought their whole life is dependent on going to a good college and getting a stable job that isn't art-related while simultaneously really wanting to do art, and also building my entire personality around being smart while realising that as I get older everyone's caught up. (The movie Booksmart has a ton of parallels to Radio Silence I'm sure)

I also want to add that the LGBT+ rep was impeccable, really cool. The whole book reminded me of Beautiful Broken Things and Fierce Fragile Hearts, except I really preferred and felt more emotional while reading the latter two; I was also expecting more of a we are the ants vibe from Radio Silence too, not sure why. Eh, idk. I wasn't as good as I expected basically.

edit: i wanted to add some more; after watching the papercut liveshow i think i’ve figured out some other things that bothered me about the book - 1) something i kind of though about but amn’t sure if i wrote about in this review was how much of an almost caricature-like villain carol made, which i don’t think i would have noticed or put as much emphasis on if she hadn’t killed the dog, which seems like the whole cliche of ‘to show this person is bad ill make them kick a dog/take candy from a small child’ type thing, i do agree that the horrible actions of parents like carol often do go unexplained and without closure so there wasn’t a huge need to explain why she acted the way she did because that might have felt too much like excusing her actions or trying to ‘’redeem’ her, but i still felt like she was Evil with no good motivation 2) the train scene at the end DID feel weird, i knew i wasn’t the only one who noticed that, it was very odd and to be fair, i often find myself writing similar scenes in my own writing because i like inner monologues and emotions and drama, but am not great a action and maybe that’s why the train scene was so weird

#radio silence #alice oseman #universe city #okay i cant remember what else i wanted to say or add about the papercut liveshow

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lamesiscanon · 4 years

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lily + james if there wasn’t a war? (if you like

YES. Seren I’d literally do anything for you ((Though I am a fool, I thought I posted this a week ago and logged into my computer today to find it waiting so please forgive the tardiness))

At the beginning of the summer holidays, Petunia had reluctantly approached Lily with the invitation to spend the rest of the warmest months with Vernon and their parents on a trip to Spain with Vernon’s family. It was some dumb plan of Petunia’s to get the families closer together, before the wedding next year that would most likely result in some bullshit conversations that would be too safe and not at all interesting. Or worse, she knew she’d have to keep up some lie about her “private boarding school for troubled youth”. And so no matter the amount of begging her parents had resorted themselves to, to get her to come along, Lily’s response was an easy Hell No.

Consequently, her parents were never going to let her stay home alone for two and a half months, so she was arranged to stay with the Lupins. It was the best thing to ever happen to her, until James Potter found out.

The mind of James Potter was able to come up with many excuses as to why he was constantly visiting the Lupin cottage, and increasingly become more and more ridiculous.

“Remus! I need that book you promised to let me borrow.”

“Remus, I am here to plan a prank against Peter. He sent me explosive confetti in the mail.”

“Remus, I need the stitching repair charm. Padfoot chewed up all of mum’s pillows.”

“Remus, I need your help with this job application, I’m having a hard time understanding what they’re asking for here.”

“Remus, I need you to help me shop for an outfit to Alice’s wedding.”

Each time James popped in through the floo, or crash landed in Hope’s tomatoes, Remus invited him to stay and go to town with them, or hang by the pond. Lily tried her best to not act annoyed.

It was obvious James was coming just to see her, no matter how brief. And it was obvious how he was much less subtle about his liking her, after finding her notebook in potions at the end of term and seeing that her last page included his name along with various attributes she and her friends “liked” about him. Yes, it was childish. Yes, it was the most embarrassing moment of her life when he returned her notebook.

Lily only had her Head Girl badge to blame, since it matched along with James’ Head Boy one and they had been forced to spend more time together during their last year at Hogwarts. It made her notice that he wasn’t just some immature boy. He was a kind, cute, and talented young man, and Merlin, Lily hated to admit it.

Now, however, as she read her book and listened to the storm, Lily had to strongly disagree with Mary and how she wrote “fashionable” when asked to describe James Potter. Her opinions were backed up by the bag of pink shirts he had slung over his arm as he walked in through the front door. The bag of horrid pink most likely had to do with his daily excuse to see Lily.

“Remus! I found some of your things in my trunk!”

Lily set down in her book, and looked at James with mild annoyance.

“Do you ever knock?”

“I don’t need to. Hope and Lyall have made it known their house is open to all.” Though, his clothes were soaking from flying, and he dripped water all over the cottage.

“Well, I can’t believe graduation was three weeks ago and you waited until now to unpack your trunk.” Lily cringed on the inside, knowing at this point she was trying too hard to be annoyed and disinterested.

“I didn’t wait three weeks, I unpacked two weeks ago but just now remembered to return these. I just barely gave Sirius his Robert Plant posters back.” James said, taking off his shoes and flying gloves, before carrying his bag onto the lounge chair across from Lily.

“Robert Plant? Are these posters for Sirius’ hair aspiration, or fantasy boyfriend material?”

“It’s most likely an equal mix of both.”

Remus came into the room then, asking about the stuff he left in James’ trunk, until he saw the bag of pink.

“What the fuck is that?”

“Your Madam Pudifoot’s merchandise!” James pulled out a shirt with the words “Love is the way” printed on the back.

“I don’t own any merch. This is all your-”

“Now, Remus, there’s no need to be embarrassed about your interests.” James looked at him pointedly, and Remus sighed in defeat.

“The things I do for you.” Remus muttered, as he shook his head. James mouthed a ‘thank you’ in return, before turning back to the bag.

“AHA! And here’s your hat!” James draped the shirt over Remus’ shoulder and put the pink bucket hat on his head. Remus looked close to punching him.

Lily couldn’t help but laugh loudly, and the look Remus gave her only made her laugh harder. Poor Remus, he needed to be put out of his misery.

Lily got up from her spot on the couch and walked over the bag herself. Inside, she found many fabrics of pink and purple, and even some with feathers. The first thing she pulled out was a shirt with a much brighter, atrocious shade of pink than the last, with hearts and the Madam Puddifoot logo.

“No, I think Remus is right. I was working the day James bought this. Though, I never would have thought he’d be buying it for himself.” Lily turned to face the two boys, grinning wildly and holding the shirt up against her. “Besides, Remus’ merch of choice is Celestina Warbeck pajamas.”

If Lily had a camera, she’d take a picture of both their blushes and keep it in her room forever. There was no greater feeling, Lily decided, than the feeling of knowing she caught James in his act.

“Yet, I have to admit. This is an excellent choice of pink, Potter. I can see it really clashes with the hair.” She held the shirt out in front of him, faux contemplation all over her face. She was really enjoying this.

“Oh, do you mean the hair that ‘looks so soft you could run your fingers through it’? Or did you write the part about how good it looks during quidditch?”

Now it was Lily’s turn to blush, knowing he was referring to the things written in Lily’s notebook. Seeing how the tables had turned, James was back to all confidence and esteem, as if he hadn’t just been exposed and embarrassed.

“Your clearly imagining things, the only thing I wrote about you was how difficult it must be for you to get through doorways with that incredibly big head of yours!” Lily was a great liar, but she knew already. She knew James read everything on that page.

“Oh, that’s right! Now I remember! Just below that bit was the part about how hot the ‘post-sex’ nature of my hair is.” James stepped closer to her, pink t-shirts and Remus forgotten. “In your same handwriting.”

“The only reason my handwriting is so recognizable to you is because you spent weeks in third year copying it and writing love letters to yourself, pretending they were from me.”

James’ grin fell, and he took a step back before turning an accusing glare at Remus.

“I wonder how you found out about that.”

Remus did his best to shrug innocently, barely controlling his laughter as he made his escape out of the room and up the stairs. They listened together as the muffled guffaws of laughter leaked through the ceiling’s boards.

“Well,” James began, trying to break the silence “I think my head just got deflated quite a bit.” His hand rubbed at the back of his neck, and he avoided eye contact by staring at his shoes.

“It’s a good thing to have your ego taken back down every now and then.” Lily agreed.

“Although it sucks to happen,” James admitted “I guess we’ve both done some... very embarrassing things in the past.”

They could still hear Remus laughing upstairs.

“I think...” Lily drifted off, swallowing hard and begging herself to gather up the courage. “I think a deflated head is all it would take for me to say ‘yes’ to a date with you. You know, if you’d ever ask.”

James snapped his head up, and it made Lily wish he hadn’t. His eyes were too intense, and she blushed remembering she wrote something about how she could stare at them all day. She wanted to drown knowing James also read this.

“You r- you wha- Really?”

Lily shrugged, still holding the pink shirt as she turned to sit back down on the couch.

“Well then, please excuse me for a minute.”

Lily’s brows furrowed in confusion as James rushed out of the room and into the kitchen. After a couple minutes of drawers opening and closing, she heard his footsteps on the stairs, then heard James talking to Remus, and finally, his footsteps came back down the stairs and he was in the room again. Though, this time he had flowers in one hand, and chocolate in the other. The flowers were dripping water on the floor, like his clothes had earlier and it made Lily laugh.

“Did you seriously take those out of Mrs. Lupin’s vase? And did you take Remus’ chocolate?” She was laughing again, clutching her stomach as James stood in front of her, confident and embarrassed at the same time.

“I’ll put these back! And Remus said it was fine.”

Lily laughed harder, watching water droplets glide down the stems and hit the wood.

“Would you just... just let me ask you already?” James sounded exasperated, but his smile and shaking shoulders betrayed how funny he found her laugh. It made her insides warm.

“Okay, okay. I’m listening. Go ahead.”

“Lily Evans...” He managed to begin, before she was laughing hysterically again.

“Oh, come on.” James gave up, throwing the chocolate in her lap and falling onto the couch next to her.

“Sorry! I’m sorry, please continue.”

“Mmmm, now I don’t think I can go out with someone who laughs as bad as a hydrangea.”

“You mean a hyena?” James was never good at knowing “muggle” animals.

James turned his face to look at her, ignoring the correction and moving the flowers so they were closer to her.

“Lily. I’d like to take you on a date some time, if you’ll let me.”

Lily enjoyed how quickly he could go from joking and playful to sincere and serious. She smiled, and took the flowers. Then she vanished them back into the vase in the kitchen before she slid closer to him.

“I haven’t spent years embarrassing myself in front of you to say no.”

James smiled and leaned in to kiss her.

After what felt like hours of fireworks and electricity running through her body, she broke away to give another tiny laugh. “Too bad you can’t fly home in this storm, you’ll have to stay here for the night.”

“My, my, Evans. Making the moves already?”

She huffed, and hit him on the shoulder.

“Git. What I’m saying is, the only other clothes big enough to fit you in this house are the Madam Puddifoots t-shirts, and I’m so looking forward to seeing you in neon pink.”

The look on Jame’s face was priceless.

BONUS:

The next morning found Remus at the kitchen table peacefully drinking tea and reading the paper. He read about Celestina Warbeck’s recently announced tour, and took a sip of tea only to promptly spit it out as Lily walked into the kitchen in the over-sized pink t-shirt. James followed with a bright smile and real post-sex hair.

“It’s... about time?” Remus offered.

Lily just smiled. Yeah, it was about time. But now they had all the time in the world.

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empty-as-the-sky · 4 years

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Edward and Bella romantic comedy in Twilight is GOLD

Okay HOT TAKE.

TL;DR - The banter/comedy between Edward and Bella in Twilight is SO GOOD and it deserved to be kept in the movies and it’s a crime that it wasn’t.

As we all know, Twilight is mostly really problematic BUT re-reading the first book and the Midnight Sun draft I am DYING reading about all of the times Edward laughs at Bella or any time she says something sassy to him and they banter back and forth. It’s genuinely SO CUTE. When I was a young teen reading the books I loved their banter, and tbh I really didn’t think it would hold up years later, given how much of the books really DON’T hold up, but the banter absolutely does.

I think one of the reasons that the movies didn’t quite work for me - besides Chuckesme, the nightmarish CGI, terrible accents in BD pt 2, and the bad wigs - was that we didn’t get the humour of Bella and Edward’s relationship, and we didn’t really get to see the process of them falling in love. It just kind of . . . happened?

I’ve heard about that famous story in which Rob almost got fired from the first movie because he refused to be more light-hearted and smiley, and listen. I love Rob Pattinson because he is a chaotic boy and I love every interview he has ever done, but he really hated the books SO MUCH (fair) that he refused to play Edward as anything other than a depressed, ultra-serious boy. And sorry, but that sucks. Just do your job. Like yes, Edward is dramatic AF but he also thinks Bella is so funny that he’s ALWAYS laughing at her. In Midnight Sun, other kids in his class frequently give him weird looks because he is laughing OUT LOUD or smiling to himself at the shit that Bella does and says. The director/producers were TOTALLY RIGHT in highlighting all of Edward’s light-hearted moments in the book for Rob because there are so many of them, more than a lot of people seem to remember. And yeah, I think that maybe Rob should have been fired so that someone else who would have taken that direction could have played the part. In Romeo & Juliet, the rule with doing that show is that the angst and tragedy is only compelling if the first half is fully played as a rom-com and if it’s actually funny. You can’t play the end at the beginning. Same goes for Twilight, and most things tbh. Otherwise, you don’t really root for the central couple if it’s all melodrama and angst all the time. No one wants to see characters predicting the tragedy. I think that’s part of why, on top of all the actual legit criticism, a lot of people criticized Twilight for being too teenage angsty or mumbly when that wasn’t really the book at all, and the comedy allows for a lot more self-awareness to come through.

I’m not even going to quote all of the times that Edward suppresses, or tries to suppress a laugh or a smile at Bella’s expense in Twilight. There are way too many, but they are constantly roasting each other.

Maybe I’m projecting my own feelings onto the books that aren’t really there, but hear me out:

- In the early days, Bella keeps parking so far away from Edward in the parking lot and in Midnight Sun, Edward is upset and confused by it EVERY SINGLE TIME. And they’re both frowning about it but for different reasons. Bella’s frowning because she’s trying to stay away from his dramatic, beautiful, mood-swinging, abrupt ass and he’s frowning because he doesn’t understand why she is avoiding him and he’s sad about it. He’s like, “Why?? Did she park so far away from me?? Do you think she’ll come talk to me? Hopefully she will. Hopefully she won’t?? DO YOU THINK SHE’LL WALK PAST ME? SHOULD I TAKE A DEEP GULP OF AIR JUST IN CASE??

- In Midnight Sun, Edward is so amused at Bella getting emotional over the snow chains that Charlie put on her tires. Seconds before he sees Alice’s vision about the van, he’s just like, “This girl?? Is getting emotional?? Over her truck?? Why is this human?? So weird??”

- Bella FUMING about Edward just getting to waltz right through the hospital doors like a normal person and not having to receive medical attention after the accident. Edward even betrayed her by telling them that she hit her head and maybe had a concussion, because she DID hit her head, but she is SO GRUMPY that he showed concern for her physical health, cause we all know this depressed bitch wouldn’t have. And she is SO EMBARRASSED about having to wear a neck brace and loaded into an ambulance, that she has the balls to take off the neck brace and chuck it under the bed when no one is looking. We stan an iconic queen. Like babe, they put that on you for a reason but you just like throwing your own safety out the window I guess.

- Edward realizing that he never noticed how clumsy Bella is as he watches her through the eyes of her classmates? Also iconic. “Goddamn, this clumsy ass human, how does she?? Survive??”

- EDWARD CUTTING BELLA OFF IN THE PARKING LOT AFTER SCHOOL SO THAT TYLER ASKS HER OUT IN FRONT OF HIM IS ALSO SO FREAKING FUNNY. And Bella being tempted to scratch the paint on his car when she sees him shaking with laughter? So good.

- Edward trying to irritate Bella by making her think he’s going to be the fourth person to ask her to the dance, only to ask her to go to Seattle instead at the last minute

- “THE WASTING OF FINITE RESOURCES IS EVERYONE’S BUSINESS”

- Bella being too embarrassed to tell Edward her comic book-inspired theories but Edward dazzling her into telling him anyway, and then he just proceeds to roast her about her lack of originality

- Edward almost RIPPING THE DOOR OFF HIS CAR when he sees Mike lowering Bella to the ground after she faints in Biology because EDWARD THINKS SHE’S DEAD? And then Bella sees him approaching and IS SO EMBARRASSED and just tells him to go away? Chapters 3-5 of Twilight in terms of ComedyTM are *chef’s kiss*

- Edward just scooping up Bella and being super entertained at the irony that the sight of blood makes her ill.

- “He absolutely loathes me” - Edward about Mike, CHEERFULLY

- Bella calling Edward pushy when he insists on driving her home, which is just really accurate, because he absolutely is

- Edward making Bella lean in and then asking her not to fall into the ocean in La Push and Bella. Is. SO offended.

- Bella grabbing her own throat and pretending to be terrified when Edward says “Breakfast time” IS SO FUNNY and then her making a bad joke about “watching her hunt” and all she gets is CEREAL, while Edward looks on in confusion, like this girl has a sense of humour

People, the first half of Twilight in terms of rom-com material is fantastic. Yes there are still problematic elements and there’s a surprising (and worrying) amount of ableist language in the text, and there are obviously other issues with Edward and consent for sure. BUT the the banter is comedy gold and the problematic bits can be so easily edited out for adaptation. The banter makes Edward and Bella way more compelling as a couple because it makes them more human (no pun intended) and real, and it definitely gives them more personality.

In the movie, I just feel like we missed how gradual them falling in love really was and how reluctant they both were about it, and their belligerent banter was a big part of the sexual tension between them. Otherwise, I’m not really sure where it came from other than the fact that Kristen and Rob are really beautiful humans. Even though they were a couple at the time, I really missed that part of their chemistry onscreen.

I’m aware that for the movie, a lot of it came down to having to cut stuff in the script for time’s sake. But I still think they could have kept the spirit of the banter while cutting what they needed to.

Look, there’s a lot in the Twilight canon that’s not compelling at all, so it makes me really sad that one of the genuinely compelling things didn’t make it into the movies at all.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#twilight #twilight saga #stephenie meyer #midnight sun #twilight renaissance #comedy #romantic comedy #edward x bella #edward cullen #bella swan #books to movies

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insane-control-room · 4 years

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The Linework

Chapter Two, Segment One

Previous (3.1.5) - Next

Masterpost

Ao3 Full Chapter Link

Wiring

Henry and Joey slumped onto the couch, exhausted.

Johan had forgotten how exhausting it was to be a father, and to add in all the legalities that were added in with the fact that the children were, well, not humans, the whole of the law drained his energy below the baseline.

He was so grateful that Henry was with him to help him get through all of it. Without him….

Well.

He did not want to think about that.

Bertrum, Lacie, Allison, and Susie had all been huge helps as well - not to mention the whole of the studio. Additionally, Dot had offered to babysit for a raise, to which Joey readily agreed - it was just nearing spring, afterall, so even if the government allowed the kids into school, it would still be a long time until classes would start again.

Another thing that twisted Joey’s heart strings were the ages of the children; not quite babies, not quite adolescents, but toddlers.

Right where he left off with… her.

He was unsure if he was grateful for that or saddened, both sides awkwardly appealing and strangely comforting. To Henry, who had raised Linda, virtually alone (at least he was rather alone until Joey got into the picture), having three little ones running around was only a level up from what he was used to, especially with who little Linda’s best friend was.

Joey looked over at Henry. His eyes were closed, fingers interlocked and resting over his stomach, his breathing slow and even, yet he was not sleeping. Joey always knew when Henry was asleep.

Johan scooted his way towards him on the couch, curling up to rest his head on his lap. Henry’s hands instantly found their way into his paintbrush hair, running through it over and over.

“What the hell did you do, Joey Drew?” Henry murmured. Johan stiffened, eyes closing tightly, brows arching in thought. He knew this question would come up eventually, and he did not quite know how to face it. “I’m not mad. Really. It’s simply important that I understand.”

“I think I made a mistake in coding,” he mumbled in answer. “I mean, I… I definitely did. B-but it’s not so simple as finding and removing it, ‘cause it’s not a bug, at least not according to the laws of this world. After reprogramming it again, I rewrote the love of death as a love of l-life. And those kids… man, if they aren’t full of life.”

“They’re…” Henry tried to think of words to describe how he was feeling. Incredulous, shocked, happy, afraid, anticipatory. He could not figure out how to word it, so he just went with, “Wow.”

“Mm. You’re wow,” Joey smiled against Henry’s leg, kissing his knee. Henry chuckled, scratching behind Joey’s ear. Joey vibrated, a rumble deep in his chest. Henry laughed quietly. “What?”

“I can see where Bo gets that from,” Henry’s voice calmed Johan, his eyes drifting shut. “Scratches and purring. I was wondering where the second one got picked up from.”

“It is not purring!” Johan remarked indignantly, until Henry grinned devilishly, scratching him right where his jaw met his ear, making his eyes flutter shut, the rumble repeating, louder, accompanied by a quiet whimper. “Mm, ah… Henry… Henry… good….”

“More?” Henry asked, grinning. Joey nodded, eyes closed, a smile gracing his lips, bliss and rapture the entirety of his expression. As soon as Henry continued to adorn Joey with soft touches and sweet comments, a cry came from the kids’ shared bedroom. Henry groaned, Joey grumbling a quiet complaint, but getting up anyways. He returned to the living room with Alice curled up in his arms, her cheeks slightly stained with tears from a nightmare, but now her face was one of tranquility. Henry smiled softly, patting her cheek, cleaning up the small streaks of acetone tears. Part of him wondered why it did not burn through her skin, the other not daring to question it, merely glad that it did not. “She’s so cute.”

“Just like her father,” Joey smiled, pressing a kiss to both of their foreheads, and ran his hand over his girl’s curly blonde hair. The halo that his arm went through sent odd tingles up his arm, like he hit his funny bone, but about five minutes later. “She looks so much like you….”

“And Bendy looks like you,” Henry sighed, wrapping his arm around Joey’s shoulders, leaning his head against his arm. “Boris… well, he’s interesting. Not really sure what I was expecting for him. Not that I was expecting any of them at all.”

“Neither was I,” Joey yawned. Alice snuggled against his chest, holding onto his pin, sucking on her wrist. He looked down at her, eyes strangely misted over, face neutral. Henry could sense that something was heading down wrong paths in Johan’s mind, twisting his thoughts, and Henry hugged him best he could from his vantage point. Joey sighed, sinking into the couch, crumbling into something miserable. “Am I a bad dad, Ray? I feel like I’m running around like a headless chicken. Shouldn’t I be better at this already? After Aramis, after Linda?”

“What?! No, not at all,” Henry assured him. “You’re a better dad than I am, hell, that’s one of the reasons Diane and I broke up, because she saw I wasn’t very good at taking care of Linda, always sending her to my parents, not really being around for her, and when she saw how good you were with kids… well, she got jealous. It brought tension into the relationship. Because of how good of a dad you are.”

“So you’re telling me that you lost out on a normal relationship because of me?” Johan asked, dismayed. Henry laughed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “What? It’s true, ain’t it?”

“Not at all, smartypants,” Henry kissed him softly. “We both could see it. She was happy that I was falling in love with you for who you are, Joey. Not because she was upset. She saw that we would be better together, but I constantly denied it, and then I proposed, and now the rest is history. It’s us together now, right? And you’re an amazing father, and I couldn’t ask for anyone else to be a dad with me.”

“Really?” Joey questioned, worriedly chewing on his lip. Henry kissed him again, replying, “Absolutely, you blind fool. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Henry,” Johan mumbled, blushing like a schoolboy. “A-and I mean the same for you. T-to be a dad with you.”

Again, the box under the couch cushions beckoned to him. Would this not be ideal? Would it not be blissfully sweet and romantic? Would it not be wonderful?

Henry’s arm came over his shoulder again, and Joey opened his mouth, yet his courage failed him once more, leaving him to close his mouth slowly, trying to think of what he would even say.

“You’ve been acting weird, lately,” Henry told him, raising an eyebrow. Johan sputtered, his red eyes wide and incredulous. “Almost jumpy.”

“I’m always jumpy.”

“Not this much.”

“That’s very debatable.”

“Oh, hush,” Henry frowned, folding his arms over his chest. Johan missed their warmth immediately, but Alice in his arms prevented him from reaching towards Henry. “There’s something bothering you again, isn't there?”

“Nope.”

“Yuh-huh.”

“Nada.”

“You can be such a liar sometimes, Joey Drew,” Henry’s frown morphed into a scowl. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing, promise.”

“Real promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

#creatorship #control art #control writes #the big picture #tbp #joey drew #johan ramirez #henry stein #joey drew x henry stein #alice angel #parenting #good parenting #family #batim #bendy and the ink machine #implied/referenced child death #love #sweet #soft

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crvmsdecorum · 4 years

Photo

“If there is no pizza then I’m not going.”

( zoey deutch, 24 , female, she/her, ) Did anyone else just see ALESSIA FAUST ? I hear for the FAUST family they can be a bit IMPULSIVE & CRUEL. But I also heard they can be LOYAL & ADVENTUROUS. If you dare, I hear they frequent OLLIE’S in their spare time when they aren’t being a SOLDIER / BOUNCER AT EDEN’S. Tread carefully or else you might be next on their list !

trigger warnings;; mentions of abortion, suicide.

T h e B a s i c s

Full Name: Alessia Vivienne Faust Nickname(s): Alice, Wild Child, Spitfire, Brat. Preferred Name(s): None. Age: 24 Birthday: October 30th Birth Place: Paris, France Current Residence: Chicago, Illinois Zodiac: Scorpio Nationality: Italian Ethnicity: French, Italian Occupation: Soldier / Bouncer at Eden’s Tattoos: Has the family tattoo on her right upper shoulder and added various flowers around it, a tattoo around her neck, tattoo on her upper right thigh, collarbone tattoo in Italian, Piercings: Triple earlobe piercings (both ears) w/ one cartilage piercing, industrial piercing on right ear.

P e r s o n a l

Status: Single as a fucking pringle. Positive Traits: Protective, Friendly, Selfless, Blunt. Negative Traits: Reckless, Impulsive, Sarcastic, Grumpy. Sexual Orientation: Straight

F a m i l y

Father: Matthew Faust (deceased) Mother: Lucille LeRoux (deceased) Siblings: Oliver, Lucian, Darcy, Effie, Hana, Cassidy, Andrew, Caleb. Others: Blair.

P l a y l i s t

do it like a dude by jessie j • no glory by skan (ft. mime & drama b) • fight back by neffex • what’s up danger by black caviar (ft. blackway) • rumors by neffex • don’t call me angel ariana grande (ft. miley cyrus & lana del rey) • now you by gjan

B a c k g r o u n d

Meet Alessia Vivienne Faust ; Her name literally means Defender of Life. She is currently 24 years old and a bouncer at Eden’s.

She was born on October 30 and is the result of a rather short affair between Matthew Faust and infamous French ballerina dancer Lucille LeRoux.

Regardless of how short it was their actions resulted in Alessia. When Lucille first learned of her pregnancy she was beyond frightened and more overly worried of what it would do to her career.

She instantly thought about aborting the baby and on the day of the operation Lucille was confronted by Matthew himself. Feeling ambushed by his appearance the woman came clean in telling the Italian her unborn child is his. Outraged by her actions he kept a calm look and simply made a deal with Lucille: carry the child to full term and then hand the baby over to him. All expenses will be paid for the woman’s troubles plus more. Without a second thought to it the ballerina accepted this.

The entire pregnancy was long to Lucille and came quick to growing tired of it, especially watching the other dancers from the sidelines, but she stayed throughout the pregnancy for the money. It was a lot and Lucille couldn’t pass it up.

Soon enough the time came and Lucille gave birth and no one was by her side (Matthew was on a plane). At first she refused to look at her daughter and just allowed her newborn to be laid in her crib. The French finally gazed upon her daughter when the newborn couldn’t stop crying and no nurse was coming to her aide to sooth the infant – and you know what? Lucille fell in love.

When Matthew arrived to the hospital to take what was rightfully his the Italian came to see the hospital room empty. No Lucille, no newborn daughter. This was the result of how Lucille ended up with a hit on her from the Italian mafia.

She used the money he had given her prior to the birth and ran away. Lucille created a new identity for herself and moved to London. There she thrived as an artist who resided in a old fire station. The place was big enough just for her and little Alessia. Plus, the art work they would create together.

As you all very well know all good things come to an end and Lucille’s actions quickly caught up to her. It was Halloween and Alessia had just turned five years old and was dressed as a ballerina - a nod to her mother’s former profession. She had went trick or treating with her next door neighbor and their kids, the night went off perfectly until Alessia came home.

The ballerina child found her mother lying in the bathtub filled with water and her wrists slit so deep with a ‘suicide’ note on the sink. It was a nightmare that she forever will remember unlike most of that night. One moment she stood over the corpse and the next Alessia was in the police station an hour later covered in a mixture of water and blood. The next she remembered was a police officer wrapping a blanket around her with exciting news. “We have dialed your father and he is on his way to get you.” is what the office said. Never before had anyone spoke to Alessia about her father other than Lucille and all she would say about him is he was a charismatic business man.

Little did Alessia know is the officer who informed her of this was on the payroll of the Italian mafia and was the very same man who murdered Lucille, but yet he didn’t act like a cold hearted killer at least not to the child. The last thing Alessia remembered of that night was meeting Matthew Faust for the first time and ditched the ballerina costume.

Over the next few years Alessia quickly changed or more so showed more of her brute personality Lucille always kept in check. She acted out at school, but mainly against those who were bullies or she deemed they deserved it.

The bastard daughter doted on her father constantly and loved him even more when she felt a rage against her mother for ending her life early. There was nights where Alessia expressed her thoughts of the anger she felt to Matthew. “Wasn’t I enough?”, “How could she? I - I thought she loved me.” Then the truth came to light of Lucille’s true reaction to learning of her pregnancy and how she wished to end it before Matthew told her a little white lie and said Lucille had a change of heart. He twisted the words around to make Lucille more of the bad guy and it worked like a charm.

The anger she felt Alessia turned it into drive of what her mother is missing out on from her actions. While she caused a lot of fights in school and protected those who cannot protect themselves, Alessia somehow managed to excel in school and managed to graduate in the top ten percent.

By the end of the summer Alessia moved to New York and attended private college institute for a business degree. She wanted to be useful to the Italian mafia when needed and what better way then getting this degree?

Though there was something missing from Alessia’s life -- ADVENTURE. She still attended school, yes, but when not in school she would pull off some of the craziest stunts that involved parkour among many other daring things. All everyone knows is she has scars on her to prove it.

And after almost four years in school, half way to achieving her Bachelor’s degree Alessia up and left. The need to see the world and for all it’s glory finally caught up to her and she set out to see. Of course she remained loyal to her family and often helped them out while living in Italy for a while.

With nears stirring in Chicago of what is going on, Alessia decided she can get her fill of action back home and left Italy.

Personality;; Alessia is an impulsive woman and is always put’s her family before herself. She does have a soft caring side though it is hardly shown to those outside the Italians. Alessia has very powerful protective instincts. She cannot stand to sit back and see people get hurt, always trying to do something to help whenever possible, even if for a complete and total stranger. She is extraordinarily devoted to helping innocent people and protecting the Fausts. Now without being said, Alessia is very sarcastic and a sharp tongue at times. She is always ready for a comeback when someone say something to her in a negative manner of the sorts.

Wanted Connections;; Former flames, enemies, old school mates, friends, etc. I am honestly down for anything.

#crimson.intro #about Alessia #trigger: suicide #trigger: mentions of abortion

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azritesx3 · 4 years

Text

“A Devil’s Love” Chapter 9: Can You Hear Me?

Description: Chloe’s best friend is back, and Lucifer’s charm can’t seem to affect her either. Is she also a miracle child? Or something…more? [Story starts during S2 Ep4, Female Reader Insert]

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AN: For those of you who read the Lucifer comics, in about 10 seconds you may be able to figure out where I'm getting ideas for Earth's background! *cheekydevilface* But don't spoil it for everyone! To those who haven't read the comics: please do. Then watch the tv series again. You'll love all the easter eggs.

AN: Updated July 25, 2020 - Grammar, Major story change

Rating: Teen Warning[s]: Swearing, Torture

Show Timeline: Season 2 after episode 15

Spotify Playlist /// AO3 Fanfiction Net Wattpad DeviantArt

Tag List: @ayanna-wild, @anushay1998, @emiwrites3reads, @i-am-canada-13, @heart-of-pots-and-pans, @tinyybiceps, @jessicarene99, @lucifersnipnips, @givemebooksorgivemedeath, @sailor-earth-1

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It's about that time. You can move your back again and when that happens, even just the smallest movement, punishment begins once more.

You lay on your dirty bed face first. It's faint now since they've been torn from you, but you can hear the Discarded coming down the hall. Slowly making their way to your door.

You slowly come to a sitting position. Legs hanging over, palms gripping the mattress, and a death stare at the door.

The heavy steel door opens and you're greeted with a small army of Discarded lead by the only other being alive besides you and Father.

"Please d...don't fight." The brown-haired boy steps into your room. A couple of the Discarded come in as well.

You grip the mattress tighter, "You always ask that. You should know what my answer is by now."

The boy sighs and moves his shoulders back. His wings come out and spread to their full length. He pulls out a familiar syringe.

You seethe at him, his wings, and the syringe.

It's not fair.

---------------------------------------------------

You wake with a start, expecting the whip's pain.

But no pain comes. Something's different.

You slowly open your eyes. This wasn't your old home of steel walls and chains. You're in what looks to be a jail cell, but with bars all around. You slowly lift your head, the pain from multiple hits causing you to blackout for a second. You move your body to carefully sit on the bed. Looking around, you see that the cell is placed in the center of a room. Like an animal's circus cage, put on display for all to see.

"Bout time you woke up." The voice startles you. You whip your head around, big mistake, and see a man sitting in front of your cell.

Despite your body's warnings, you lunge at the man, but that's when you realize your hands and ankles are bound by heavy chains.

"Hm, interesting…" the man says to himself. You squint to get a better look at him, but he positioned his seat to cover his top half in the room's shadow. All you can see is the man's expensive and lavish looking shoes, pants, and a heavy coat. He's also holding a cane on his right. You're not entirely sure, but the cane's top looks like a type of whale.

"Who are you?" You ask. Your voice is incredibly gruff and dry.

The man doesn't answer. He instead waves his free hand up and you hear a click to your right. Looking, you see the cell's door open and a man comes in. He's holding a glass of water and a plate with bread.

"Don't be stupid." The new stranger says.

Does he even realize he left the door open?

You run as fast as you can towards the opening, which was still pretty fast considering the situation your ankles are in, but you stop just short of freedom when a shocking sensation courses through your body. You scream and fall. Managing to keep your eyes open, you see that the bounds on your wrists and ankles are electric. When the pain stops you can see the man in the seat has a remote control.

Oh yeah. He knew.

"Told you. You all are always stupid." The stranger in your cell drags you back to your bed, "At least ya didn't hit me. Yous people usually hit me and ruin your dinner."

"A cop has a much better mindset than the usual ones I get hired to take. Sure it helps too that this one has been through something like this before." Says the sitting man, who you figure is the boss.

The man in your cell places the water and plate down on the floor in front of you. He then walks away and locks the cell door behind him, "That why you told 'im you need more money? Cause she'd be a feisty one?"

The boss doesn't answer. He lifts his hand in the same motion as before and you watch the stranger exit through a door behind his boss.

The boss crosses his legs, "I suggest you drink some water. It would be a shame to ruin your voice with all the questions you're about to ask."

You just stare at the shadowed man.

He sighs, "None of the water or food you receive will be poisoned. I wouldn't be as rich as I am if I let my captures die on me. Bad business practice that is."

You slowly pick up the cup and down its contents, keeping an eye trained on where you believe the man's eyes to be.

"Better now?" He asks after you put the cup back on the floor.

You stand up and shuffle over to him. You sit in front of the bars to be as face to face as possible. Unfortunately, you still can't make out any facial features.

"Who the fuck are you?" You hiss.

"Yes, I do suppose you were expecting someone else, but fear not little doe." The boss leans in so you can see his top half, but he keeps his head in the dark, "Your father shall have you back soon enough."

"Who are you?!" You yell. You grip the bars and shake your chains violently, "Are you with him?! Are you-"

"Hush down, doe." He leans back into the chair, "I am not a direct accomplice to your father. Never even met him. He just hired me to capture you."

"I am called The Kidnapper. America's most infamous person at making people disappear. I am a simple businessman, that's all. Nothing extra special than that. Can't say the same for you though."

Your head begins to pound again. You remove one hand from a bar to grip your head.

"Though I will be asking him if I can keep those fancy chains and the formula for that shot. Especially if I'm now going to be capturing you folk more."

"Stop…" you grit your teeth. The pain is becoming unbearable to the point where your nails start puncturing your head, "What…"

"Poor confused little doe." The Kidnapper tisks and stands, "You will remain here for one week. That is when the LAPD will consider your case cold and stop actively searching for you. That is also when you shall be dropped off to him."

No. Please…

"They'll find me…" you manage out. You squint up at The Kidnapper. He's silhouetted by the light from the open door, "They'll always be looking for me."

"Not when they have no leads."

---------------------------------------------------

An entourage of LAPD forces flood your home. Brighter lighting is set up in every dark corner. Ella and extra forensic workers are flashing their cameras constantly. Dan and other detectives inspect every nook and cranny of your place. Maze watches paramedics try to awaken Alice, who they moved onto the couch.

And Chloe, with all her might, is trying to not freak out about her BFF being kidnapped and her partner being completely out of it.

Lucifer hasn't moved an inch since they came. He still stands on your balcony. Hands still gripping the railing. He keeps his head held high. He stares at the night sky with burning eyes. His mind filling up with awful, monstrous thoughts.

He doesn't even budge when he hears Alice finally come to, but he does listen in:

"How are you feeling ma'am?" A female paramedic asks.

"Groggy." With the help of the paramedics, Alice rises to a sitting position, "Scared."

Lucifer turns his head.

"I don't want to bother you as soon as you wake up, Alice, but…" Chloe starts.

"No, it's completely alright." Alice moves so her legs are over the front and she sits straight, "We need to find Earth as soon as possible."

"Agreed." Chloe nods. Maze goes around Alice. Lucifer moves to lean against the frame of the balcony door.

"From what I could see everything looked completely normal in Earth's place." Alice begins as the paramedics look her over, "I go to the coat closet and notice the door slightly ajar. Right when I was about to call Earth a man came out."

"Did you happen to get a good look at him?" Chloe asks.

Alice shakes her head and looks disappointed, "No. He, and all the men that came out, were dressed in all black. The only part of their bodies that you could see were their eyes. Everything else was covered."

"Sounds professional." Dan comments.

"Sounds like they know better than to get hair or skin particles on anything," Ella says from the floor of your bedroom.

"But right before I fell I managed to scratch one in the eye! Look-" Alice raises her hand, then looks shocked. She brings her hand to her face to inspect her fingers.

"They...they washed my hands!" She yells.

"What?" Chloe asks, disbelief in her tone.

"Yes! Even under my nails!" Alice's eyes start to water.

"They also got rid of their shoe prints in the dirt of the plants," Dan says.

"And there won't be any prints since their hands were covered." Maze says, pissed.

"Damn it." Chloe hisses.

"This situation sounds familiar." Everyone, including Lucifer, looks up and sees Agent Monroe entering your apartment.

"Familiar?" Chloe questions.

"Throughout the years all around the country, there have been attacks like this." Monroe says as he walks to the group, "Usually the victim's place remains intact, but from the descriptions of these men and how no leads are found adds up."

"Who are these guys?" Alice asks.

Monroe looks at her, "They work for the-"

"The Kidnapper." Lucifer finally speaks, and it seems to startle the group. They all turn to him wide-eyed, then back to Monroe.

Monroe nods, "Yes."

"I've heard the stories, but doubt they were true. I just figured the 'missing' person simply didn't want to be found." Chloe looks between the two men.

"That's how the case gets closed after a time of no leads." Monroe replies, "But no, Detective Decker. Most of those 'mysterious' kidnappings are The Kidnappers doing."

"So, what happens now?" Dan asks.

"Now we continue scavenging this apartment from top to bottom, corner to corner, crack to crack." Monroe answers, "We'll still take a sample from underneath Ms. Alice's nail, despite them cleaning it, and we'll stare at the dirt on the balcony until we're positive we can't spot a print."

"Hey! I may have something!" Ella yells on the floor. When she looks up she notices that she's next to Lucifer's foot, "Good thing you didn't step this way, big guy!" She says looking up at him.

"Oh?" Lucifer says. He moves out of her way and the rest of the group, except for Alice, surrounds her.

Ella flashes a bright light on a spot on the floor, "Looks like I got a tiny bit of blood here! Still looks fresh too! And-" she takes her tweezers and lifts something from the ground. It's incredibly thin, almost impossible to see, but of course, Ella Lopez finds it.

"Is that-"

"Yup! A needle!" Ella interrupts Chloe excitedly, "No vial attached, but I'm hoping there's still some juice in it."

"Excellent finds Ms. Lopez." Monroe praises.

"Do we have a time limit?" Chloe asks Monroe.

"I'd say we have a week. That seems to be The Kidnapper’s favorite time length."

"Then let's get bloody started already!" Lucifer says. He pushes through the crowd and leaves your apartment. Chloe follows him and Dan, Maze, and Ella (with possible leads bagged) follow soon after. Monroe stays a while longer to help the other detectives and scientists find any more clues.

Day 1

---------------------------------------------------

"You're still mad at me." You said with a mouth full of pizza.

Your apartment was quiet save for the chewing of good pizza and the tv. Lucifer hadn't said a word since you asked what pizza he'd like. While he ate he just stared blankly ahead of him.

Your words finally got him out of that daze, "I'm not mad at you, darling."

"Then what's with the silent treatment?" You took another bite, "You always talk."

"Just pondering is all."

"About?"

"Who you're so scared of."

You sighed and leaned back on your couch, trying your best to sink into it.

Lucifer set his plate down on the coffee table and turned towards you, "Darling, I have hundreds of resources at my beck and call. Whoever is causing you fear I can take care of."

"You sound like the Godfather." You tried to joke. Lucifer didn't laugh though. He looked serious.

You sank further in. After moments of silence you caved, just a bit, "Lucifer, when I tell people they become leverage against me. Only Alice and Damien, who runs my NY clinic for me, know the whole truth. Chloe barely knows anything, but I'm afraid that because of my closeness to her she'll end up like-"

You stopped. Too much information.

You finally looked at him, "I don't want more people hurt."

"Better than a Godfather, I'm the Devil." You huffed and started to turn away from him, but Lucifer gently pulled you out of your hole and held your hands, "I hate to say it, but besides my Father and brother no one can really harm me."

"Amenadiel?"

Lucifer chuckled, "Absolutely not! I was talking about Michael. But-"

"How many siblings do you have?" You asked with a raised brow.

"Too many, though...one less." You saw that quick emotion of regret cross his eyes before he returned to normal, "K9 the point is, I can and want to help you. The fact that someone has this hold over you makes my blood boil."

"Why?"

"I…" Lucifer looked down at your joined hands. He squeezed them, then gently rubbed his thumbs on your palm, "I don't know." He looked back up to you, "Please, darling."

You looked at him. That strange feeling in your chest grew, making you want to spill everything to him and cry.

But you can't.

You squeezed his hands then pushed them, him, away, "I can't, Lucifer." You said with a regretful smile, "I'm sorry."

The defeat from his eyes and body made you hate yourself, but this was for the best.

"I...can tell you the other reason I left. Chloe knows this one, as well as everyone else."

---------------------------------------------------

Lucifer leans against his glass railing, looking at the LA sunset while lost in the memory. He takes one long huff of his cigarette and slowly blows it out.

"Hey." Chloe comes up behind him and leans with him.

"Detective." He says distantly.

"You ok?" She asks. Worry clear in her voice and eyes.

"Depends." He says and flicks the ashes off the bud. He watches the particles fall to the street, "Any news?"

Chloe looks at the sunset. With a sigh, she says, "No. The lab is still trying to get DNA from that little blood sample."

"Then I'm bloody fantastic, Detective." Lucifer spat out.

Chloe watches him take another long drag of his cigarette. She sighs and goes to leave him. No sense in trying to talk to him when he's in this kind of mood.

"Detective."

Chloe turns around and looks at Lucifer's back. Surprised, she says, "Yeah?"

"Do you know why K9 left?" He asks the sun.

"Um yeah," Chloe is confused now, "To get away from her adoptive family. They were horrible to her and she wanted an escape from them, but Lucifer," she takes one step closer to his back, "I questioned the Hammers already, and they were very adamant in not even knowing she was back. Which I expected." Chloe moves closer to place a hand on his shoulder, "I'm confident they don't know anything."

"Of course." Lucifer's reply is still distant, "Just curious is all, Detective."

Chloe wants to say something to cheer him up, but she's not sure what. So, she pats his shoulder and leaves.

Lucifer takes in one last drag, "Of course she doesn't know anything. She told you as much didn't she?" He flicks the bud off the railing and stares at his disappearing sun:

"You should have told me, K9."

Day 2

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Day 3

Chloe and Dan are inside Ella's lab. For the tenth time, they look through all the photos taken of the crime scene. The entire lab table is covered in photos.

Chloe snaps first, which makes Dan's head rise up. This was very uncharacteristic for his ex-wife, but then again this is her closest friend in danger.

"What is taking so long?!" Chloe hisses. She grinds her teeth and mindlessly moves photos.

"It was only a small, very small, sample found Chloe," Dan says.

"I know, but this is a cop! One of ours taken!" Chloe's hands ball into fists.

"You know Monroe took Ella to the FBI's lab for better testing."

"Which means it should be faster getting a result! Besides…" Chloe breaths in and out. Calming her herself down, she starts to look somber, "I'm starting to worry that the blood sample won't be of who we need."

"Chloe." Dan reaches across and takes hold of Chloe's hand. He gives her hand a small squeeze, "We're going to find her."

Chloe doesn't seem to hear him though. At least, she doesn't nod her head or look him in the eyes.

Dan sighs. Pulling back he looks through the windows behind Chloe, "Where's Lucifer?" He asks, agitated. Lucifer is her partner. Why isn't he here helping?

"He's not in the right mindset to help, Dan."

"Really?" Dan scoffs.

Chloe looks up at him, "What?"

"Just doesn't seem like Lucifer to get so worked up, unless he and Earth are closer than I thought."

"Lucifer cares about his friends, Dan." Chloe snaps.

"I think it's more than just that, Chloe."

"CHLOOOEEE!" Chloe was just about to question Dan further when she hears her name being yelled. Chloe looks behind her and sees Ella zooming down the stairs and running towards her lab door.

Chloe quickly opens the door so the poor woman doesn't run into it. Ella skids to a halt and slams a folder down on the table, causing numerous pictures to fall.

"I GOT HIM!" She yells triumphantly.

"What?" "Who?" Chloe and Dan say together.

"That blood sample is, by the Big Guy's grace, from one of the invaders!" Ella opens the folder and spreads out the info. Dan and Chloe stand behind her as they look at the results.

"His name is Jerry Carter." Ella starts, "Age 23. Has no current criminal record."

"Sounds like it might've been his first job." Dan comments.

"Yeah, poor kid." Ella shakes her head. She pulls out a page, "But from the looks of all these addresses, definitely someone who would work for the elusive Kidnapper."

"My God." Chloe takes in all the addresses, "The Kidnapper seems to move all throughout California."

"With a time frame of a year too," Ella says. She points to all the dates and sure enough, each one is about a year apart.

"This will take longer than four days to stake out each one," Dan says. He looks up to Chloe and sees the worry in her eyes.

"It will definitely take a long time, but Monroe has a bunch of teams already going to half of these places." Ella points to the locations marked with a star, "He gave these to us because they're closer."

"Let's get started then." Detective Decker is back on the job, and that makes Ella and Dan smile.

Ella and Dan leave to recruit some of the K9 officers to help out because, despite Miller's betrayal, a lot of your officers love you.

Chloe sends a quick text to Lucifer.

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Day 4

Within 24 hours Monroe's team found Jerry Carter. Much to Chloe's disappointment, however, Monroe took him to the FBI base instead of the precinct.

"I understand you want to find your comrade and friend, Detective Decker, but you and others in the precinct are too personal. I need Mr. Carter to talk, not feel threatened." Is what Monroe told Chloe when she showed up at the base.

Much to Chloe's confusion and worry, Lucifer didn't seem too upset or bothered by it.

---------------------------------------------------

Day 5

Another 24 hours later, Chloe's phone rings.

"Decker." She answers.

"Hello, Detective Decker. This is Agent Monroe." Monroe's professional voice comes through.

"What's the story?" Chloe says. She's on the edge of her seat.

"Mr. Carter told us about their attack on Ms. Earth, and he gave a few of the Kidnappers holding locations, but my gut is telling me he knows more."

"Lucifer can get it out of him," Chloe says immediately. Lucifer looks down at her with a raised brow. He just arrived.

"I do have impeccable timing it seems." Lucifer comments.

"That's precisely why I'm calling, Detective. I've heard about Lucifer's talent at getting people to talk, and with only two days left we need Mr. Carter to talk." Monroe replies.

"Agreed." Chloe looks up at Lucifer and nods, "We're leaving now."

The FBI base in California is far from the LA precinct. Chloe was disappointed when Monroe found the guy, but now she's worried that since Jerry was found so far away that meant you were far away too. She knows there's no time to waste now.

The ride to the base was about two and a half hours and during the whole drive, Lucifer said nothing. Chloe tried to get him to talk, to ease her nerves, but he'd reply with short answers or a simple hum.

Lucifer seems to start back to life when Chloe parks at the base. They both quickly exit the car and head inside the building.

"Thank you for coming-"

"Where is this chap?" Lucifer interrupts Monroe.

Monroe motions for the two partners to follow him. After some lengthy corridors, they stop in front of a metal door.

"Mr. Carter refused to answer with all our eyes on him. So, we moved him to this more secluded spot. We can't see or hear what's being said inside, but there's a recorder working on the table." Monroe says.

"Wonderful." Lucifer smiles. Chloe should be happy to finally see one from Lucifer, but that particular smile made her feel uneasy.

Monroe opens the door for Lucifer. Chloe tries to squeeze in but he stops her, "I think it's best for just Lucifer to talk to him. If he's as good as your reports say we need no other distractions."

Chloe, reluctantly, agrees. She watches the door close behind Lucifer. Monroe motions for her to take a seat next to him on the opposite wall. She has to do more waiting.

---------------------------------------------------

You stood behind your vet clinic. You've just finished your last surgery for the day and you needed a breather.

Leaning back against your building you listened, well half-listened, to Lucifer on the phone. Day three of the stakeout with no results.

Instead of being focused on the conversation Lucifer was trying to have with you: a case that led him to the most expensive school in California and something about igniting a blade, your mind continued to replay the nightmare, or maybe memory, you had a night before.

All around you is nothing but trees, grass, and dirt. You take a deep breath in. The air tastes so good here. You want to stay here forever.

But you know your Father is going to find you. You have to be quick.

You kneel on the ground and place your palms together, something you've seen your brother do when he can't find Father. You've also seen your Father do this when calling for the lonely red man.

In your mind you scream for help. Scream for freedom, and tell your location as best you can.

You stand and quickly run back to your cage, so as not to be caught.

What may have been days later, you wake to a cold aura staring at you.

You squeezed your eyes shut and closed out Lucifer's voice more to try to remember the image in front of you, but all that came back was the same memory that flashed before you in Lucifer's bathroom.

A man. Strong and muscular under his white armor. His wings darker than your darkness.

"Who are you?" You ask.

You notice his grip tighten on his sheathed sword, "He has heard you and has sent me to give you what you seek." His voice is booming. His voice is cold.

You shiver.

In a movement you couldn't see, the man appeared behind you. He grabbed hold of your--

Static started filling your mind.

He pulls.

You scream.

You gasped for breath and slid to the ground. You heard Lucifer's distant voice call out to you, and saw that you had dropped your phone.

You scrambled for your phone, "I'm fine!" You said quickly.

"Sure as hell doesn't sound like it, darling. Did you see dog boy?" Lucifer's voice sounded concerned.

"What? Oh, no. No. I was just, um." You took a shaky breath in and breathed out. No point in lying, "It's just I had a bad nightmare last night. I can't get it out of my mind."

"A silly little nightmare makes you react that way? I'm going to need to have a chat with an old friend."

"I'm fine, Lucifer. Really." You swallowed the lump in your throat, "Actually...I've got a question for you."

"Oh? Do ask."

"Ok, so I'm going to pretend for a second that you're actually the Devil-" Lucifer sighed on the other end.

"Lucifer, do you...um...hear people?" You asked.

"Every day, darling. I'm hearing a bunch right now." He replied humorously.

You sighed and rubbed your temple, "No, Lucifer. I mean…" You swallowed again. This was such a ridiculous question.

"Do you hear prayers?"

"Ah." Lucifer went quiet.

You panicked, "Yeah, dumb question. Was just humoring you-"

"I do, well used to. Still can, I should say." He suddenly replied, "I'm sure you can imagine the kind of prayers the Devil gets. I got sick of it." He said with a hint of venom.

"What is it, like, an on-off switch?" You joked.

"I wish." He replied seriously, "No, K9. I had to train for many centuries to have those twisted requests quiet down."

"Oh…" You weren't sure how to react, "So, what happens now when people pray to you?"

"I may have a slight buzzing in my mind every now and then, but I've grown to ignore them."

"Ok." You replied, accepting the answer.

"So, do you believe me now?" He asked hopeful.

You scoffed, "Of course not, Lucifer. It was just a rhetorical question."

"Blast."

---------------------------------------------------

You're pulled from your daze by the footsteps and murmurs outside the door.

You slowly rise from your cot and walk to the front of your cage to hear better. You're not sure how many days it has been, but obviously significant enough to weaken your body and make your stomach scream. The bread and water these people gave you were not enough. It was like they were purposely weakening you.

That thought is only further proven with how many times you've been shocked. Every now and then your body would react like it was being shocked when no one was around with the damn remote. Not a good sign.

Besides the men that came to give you the food and empty your waste bucket, you've had no company since the Kidnapper himself on day one. It made you stir-crazy, but one good thing is that you could hear better in the silence.

You press the side of your face to the bars and push as far out as you can. You pick up some chatter.

"Can you believe it?"

"Not good for Jerry, that's for sure."

"Has this ever happened before?"

"No, but considering how the boss ain't worried it's no big deal. Cops only got two days before we leave."

"Right. Smooth sailing, eh?"

The voices laugh, then become too hard to hear as they walk away.

Two days?

"You will remain here for one week. That is when the LAPD will consider your case cold and stop actively searching for you." The Kidnapper's voice comes through your mind.

You panic.

Shit. Shit shit shit!

You stumble backward and trip on your ankle chains. Your still wounded head pounds madly. You slowly go into a kneeling position and wait for the stars to go away.

If you had enough water in your system you'd be crying right now.

Instead, you lift your heavy shocking cuffs and stare at your dry palms.

You contemplate.

---------------------------------------------------

"Hello there Jerry-boy!" Lucifer sing songs into the room.

Lucifer takes in Jerry's Carter appearance with a smile as he sits across the man. Curly brown hair, white, brown eyes, petite build. No one special.

Good.

"I already told ya'll everything I know," Jerry says. He looks Lucifer up and down.

"Ah, these FBI chaps don't think that's the case, Jerry." Lucifer's smile is wide. His eyes don't match it. "So, they asked me here to persuade it all out of you."

"Ya can't hurt me." Jerry sits confidently, "Who even are you?"

"Oh! Where are my manners? Lucifer Morningstar." Smile still on, Lucifer holds out his ringed hand.

Jerry doesn't take it. Instead, he scoffs and rolls his eyes, "Right. First my boss goes all crazy sayin' an angel spoke to him, and now I'm talking to the Devil. Ya'll Californians are crazy."

"Well that's some new info spilled." Lucifer leans in, "An angel spoke to the Kidnapper?"

"Ain't like them government jockeys would believe it. 'Course another crazy would." Jerry crosses his arms and leans back.

"Hm, well as interested as I am that's not what I'm here for." Lucifer stands, "The Kidnapper took a friend of mine, and I want her back." Lucifer holds his hands behind him and slowly walks around the table, "I believe you're the one that attacked her, correct?"

"Everyone was attacking her, buddy. Freak of nature if ya ask me. Never seen a bitch fight like 'er."

Within a blink of an eye, Lucifer has Jerry hoisted up in the air with one hand and the other hand pushing down the pause button on the recorder. Lucifer's smile turns twisted as he watches Jerry try to squirm free.

"That's not a very nice thing to say, Jerry-boy."

"Let me down you fr-" Jerry freezes mid insult. His mouth is still open, his eyes are as wide as saucers, and he's visibly shaking.

"See something you like?" Devil Lucifer is out, red eyes and skin. His smile is still twisted.

Lucifer plops the human back on the metal chair and leans in close, "When I press play you are going to give me every location of your boss's holdings. You are going to give me names and in the future, I will find you again so you can properly apologize to dear K9 and tell us about this angel."

Lucifer stands straight, "Are we clear Jerry-boy?" Jerry is still in frozen mode. Lucifer sighs and slaps him across the face, making Jerry fall face-first on the metal table.

Lucifer pulls his head up by his hair and burns his red eyes into Jerry's soul, "I said are we clear?"

"Yesyesyesyespleasedon'thurtme." Jerry says all at once.

Lucifer returns to normal and smiles, "Wonderful." He let's go of Jerry and presses play, "I believe you have information to spill Jerry-boy?"

And spill Jerry did. He lists every location the Kidnapper holds people in California, places where the man himself could be staying, and gives names on every accomplice he knows of. Satisfied, Lucifer leaves the broken human with a smile and strides out of the room.

"So?" Chloe fast walks to her partner looking hopeful.

"You know me, Detective." Lucifer winks at her and she smiles back.

"Thank you, Mr. Morningstar," Monroe says sincerely and quickly walks in the room to grab the recorder. When he returns he tells Chloe to call her trusted co-workers to meet them at the base. Once everyone arrives Monroe leads everyone to an interrogation room. He places the recorder on the table and hits play.

Lucifer stands in a corner while everyone else writes down notes on their pads. The back of his head starts to itch and he scratches it, a bit too forcefully.

"You ok?" Chloe whispers to him.

"Hm? Oh yes." Lucifer forces his arm down and smiles at his partner. "Just an itch."

A persistent itch.

---------------------------------------------------

24 hours left

You sit against your bars with your back towards the door. You don't move when you hear the door open and footsteps come towards you.

"You've got 24 hours, little doe. Then you'll be back home." The Kidnapper says behind you.

"Home." You whisper out. You twist around to look at him and are surprised to actually see him. You take in his details carefully. Grabbing hold of the bars with shaking hands you push your face against the bars.

"I'm going back to Hell."

"Yes well, normally I don't regret my job, but in your case…" He sighs and walks closer to you, "Sorry doe. I'm protecting the human race by doing this. Your Father said so."

You lean away from him and stare, "You're just as crazy as he is, as I was."

He shakes his head, "No little doe, you've forgotten. Forced to forget. This is the only reason I have regret in this, but you'll remember. Eventually." He turns away and walks out the door, leaving it open as a joke.

You start to shake and hyperventilate. You crawl over to your cot and kneel, hands together.

Lucifer. You pray to him.

Please, Lucifer. I'm banking on this. I've got nothing left. I don't know how far I can get in this state. If anything you said is true, please. Please save me.

Can you hear me? Please, hear me.

---------------------------------------------------

3 hours left

Lucifer and Chloe have been out since early morning checking out locations. Each one had been a bust so far, and Chloe was starting to get worried. She knows time is running out.

Meanwhile, her partner was getting agitated by the hour. She thinks it's because of them having no luck. When in truth, though that definitely is a reason, the insistent itch in Lucifer's mind was not going away.

Bloody Satanists. Dad only knew why now he was having trouble calming the prayers, but he's getting sick of it. It's getting in the way of finding you and Lucifer wasn't having it any longer.

While Chloe talks on her phone to give Monroe, Dan, and the other groups another no go update, Lucifer stays further back. He shuts his eyes and lets the voices in.

Of course the usual murderous pleas and psychopathic prayers came flooding through, but Lucifer focuses his mind on the one new soul who keeps hounding him.

Lucifer.

No...that can't be right. Lucifer focuses on this voice.

Seriously, Lucifer. I'm starting to feel like a hopeless idiot in this cage.

It is! Lucifer’s eyes open wide in shock and joy, but doing so shut your voice out. He quickly focuses once more and instantly hones in on your prayers. He listens intently while searching for your location.

He sees you in a cell, kneeled by an uncomfortable-looking cot. He looks around to see empty space. He looks further out, and now he's in tight hallways.

Still not enough!

He goes as far out as he can without losing your connection. He sees what looks to be a ship's haul with a rope embroidery stamp and hears water, as well as other humans getting the ship into gear.

There!

His eyes open and he runs to Chloe, "DETECTIVE! I KNOW WHERE SHE IS!"

---------------------------------------------------

30 minutes left

You haven't moved from your stance since you started praying to Lucifer. Your body felt stiff, but you're ready for whatever comes next.

You hear the door open and footsteps come to your cage door, "Time to get going, sweet thing."

The man opens the door, comes to your back, and lifts you up by the underarms. You slam the back of your head into the man's face and keep steady while he stumbles back. Ignoring the stars you see, you spin around and wrap your chains around the man's neck. His eyes bulge at you. One hand grabs at your neck while the other reaches into his pocket to pull out the shock remote.

He presses it and starts to smile at your pain, but you push through and tighten your chains around his throat. His face turns blue and you twist your arms to crack his neck. You fall to the ground from the constant shock and blindly grab for the remote. You click it off and smash it to pieces.

You give your body a minute to stop convulsing, then stand and shuffle out the cage and to the edge of the door. You listen from inside the room and can hear some kind of commotion coming down the right hall. You peek out of the door frame, look from side to side, and then shuffle down the right hall.

---------------------------------------------------

"LUCIFER!" Chloe yells at her partner as he storms out of her car and heads for the ship. "We need to wait for backup!" She yells getting out of her car.

"No time for that, Detective! The ship's ready to sail!" He yells without looking back.

Lucifer walks straight to the ship. He knocks out a couple of unsuspecting dock workers then walks onto the ship.

It's massive, but thanks to your prayers he knows just where you are.

He takes a couple of stairs down then hides in the shadows at the sound of voices. He pulls out a pocket knife and runs it across his palm.

He smiles when he doesn't bleed.

Good girl, Detective.

"Hey, freeze!" "Who the hell are you?!"

The two men walking down the hall pull out their guns and aim it at Lucifer when he comes out.

"Here to rescue someone, chaps. Now if you'll excuse me-"

The men shoot as soon as Lucifer takes a step. He stumbles back, but smiles viciously.

"Now, why'd you have to do that?" Lucifer changes his face and the men scream. They fire relentlessly as Lucifer walks to them. Lucifer slams the men against either side of the walls and continues forward.

Eventually, he comes across a more open room that's connected to other halls. He wants to go down the hall you're in, but there are a dozen or so men holding him at gunpoint.

"You know, I expected someone like the Kidnapper to have better defensives than this. Shame, really." Devil Lucifer speaks to the crowd.

"Holy fuck-" "It is true! Everything the boss said-" "We can't fight the D-" "ALL OF YOU SHUT UP AND FIRE!"

---------------------------------------------------

You just finished bashing your chains against your third victim when you hear the gunshots coming from up ahead.

You stumble forward. Along with your constant shaking body, pounding head, and fatigue, that last guy gave you a gut-wrenching punch and a bullet wound on your thigh. It's just a graze, but losing blood is something your body can't take right now.

By the time you get close to the opening of a new room the gunfire dies out and it's just screams. You brace yourself for a couple of seconds, then storm the best you can into the room.

You freeze. Bodies of men lay all-around a singular man standing in the center of the room. His back is towards you, but you recognize that kind of suit anywhere.

But his head...where is his hair?

"Lucifer?" You choke out.

He turns, and you come face to face with the Devil himself. His skin is charred to an awful degree. The white of his eyes are pitch black to make his blood-red eyes pop.

Lucifer smiles, "K9! I-" he starts to walk towards you, but stops at the look on your face.

"It-it's true. It's all true."

#a devil's love #lucifer netflix #lucifer morningstar #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer #fanfic #fanfiction #azritesx3 #azookiex3

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singularname · 4 years

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ooc: First anyone can comment on this post or like it. If you want to ask me questions my ask box is open. I am more than willing to answer questions you may have.

A more cohesive list of my comments and thoughts on cats 2019, let it be known it is still hot garbage and still does not belong in the jellicle junkyard. Before I go on, I want to say, Cat’s is my favorite musical. I RP Munkustrap. To critique any version (and their are lots) you have to love The Musical. Any other critique is objectively a person who will rate it badly. Cats was never going to do well, it never has despite its run length through tours and different countries. Cats has never been viewed well by critiques, and is hugely hated in the theater community which is why when you see and read those reviews you have to know they have a preconceived notion of what cats is, and that is that its weird and therefore they cannot like it.

The three biggest critiques I see of the movie (and the show for the first one) is their is no plot, which I will discuss in this review how their in fact is one, how its horny and if you thought the movie was horny well John Partridge is knocking at your door asking if you’ve had your sexual awakening yet, and that the CGI is bad, which yes it is. My goal is to show why some of these are a bit unfounded but also let you see why a person who likes the musical is so disappointed that this movie only perpetuates that this musical is a joke.

Now onto the review. It is around 10k words, so negatives are under the cut.

Positives:

Robbie tried really hard, but sadly he wasn’t enough. He had a few off beats such as his initial intro, and his smile at the end that was weird. But he was good, and he made the shit show of gumbie cat and tugger’s song slightly better by joking with jenny any dots which was one of the best jokes in the whole movie.

Jennifer was a good Grizabella. Anyone making fun of her snot has forgotten Anne Hathaway singing I Dreamed a Dream, and should rightfully shut up.

The rewritten plot was bad, but the song that fit the best with the adaptions made for this horrid movie, besides Skimble’s song which I will talk about in a second, was Bustopher Jones. In the original his number is all about how well respected he is, but people remember his song is a story to make him seem better, we should not be surprised he is dumpster diving for food at all, sorry of a reality hit for old busty but its the truth.

Ian was a good choice for Gus, it was very similar to John Mills’ portrayal with only a bit more backstory. What was missing was a back and forth between someone, such as Jellylorum. Monologues are great but having a scene partner is better because that energy helps momentum and you feel things. Gus is arguably the slowest song, and it needs some livelness and no Misto’s little magic trick was not enough.

Mungo and Rumple were good. I hate the debut version of the song and they made me like it. For those wondering why we didn’t get the fun jazz number and got this slow moving one its because it came from the Debut on West End. The issue with the slow moving one is it falls in the middle where the pacing is already slow packed with more slow songs so it can seem a bit boring. I also wish Rumple kept her accent up.

The idea of the rundown theater/ballroom was really good. It allowed for a very similar feel that the junkyard presents with props and such for the cats to use. The issue is it was not our set the entire time and we are constantly taken out of it.

Skimble’s number was probably the best in the entire movie. It had the feel of the original with freshness from the tap which was genius. The tap dancing added the sounds of the railway in the same way the cats original make the train whistle noise. And the guy tapping was one of the originators of the Mad hatter in The Royal Opera House’s Alice in Wonderland so he was good. The issue with Skimble is the cut to the train and rail station which I will get to.

Negatives:

Three categories

Plot ( songs, characters, dance ), Technical ( movie stuff, CGI, proportions ), Anything I forgot.

Plot

Lets start generally. People say their is no plot even though Hooper attempted to “give” it a plot he failed. Their was no reason because all Hooper did was not only drop his plot halfway through, but he didn’t adhere to his own rules, nor did he need to add a plot at all. The dialogue was clunky at best, and not funny.

So the plot that Cats has always had is said almost immediately after the opening numbers. It is said by a grey cat that unless you know the musical you don’t know the name of but considering his prominence in the musical you know he’s important. He has solos in most songs, and even more in the movie. In the stage show this plot is seen through with a few interuptions. But here is he plot of the stage show for you. The jellicles come together for a ball where a cat will be chosen to be reborn. At times you get this threat, a cat by the name of macavity who you never seen he’s just scary. The cats ask who will it be, and the reason the songs are sung is because the cats are suggesting names of who it could be hence “i have a gumbie cat in mind...” This goes on for a bit their are two songs that don’t seem to fit in this formula, technically three, Grizabella’s songs (not memory), Peeks and Pollicles, and Growltiger’s Last Stand. Grizabella’s songs are to point out who she is and how she is distinctively not a jellicle, or no longer one. Peeks and Pollicles is entertainment they got a whole night to waste before dawn. The same can be said of Growltiger, but it is also paired with being Gus reprising a role more or less. The last two are for entertainment, just like the Jellicle Ball song where jellicles literally describe what kinds of cats they are, its also a bit of a mating dance but hey they are supposed to be cats. So we get to Macavaty he has threatened to appear quite a few times, he is scary, that is all we know. His song is sung as a cautionary tale to the audience and the kittens, he then finally appears and fights and hurts the protector among a few others and takes The Leader Old Deuteronomy. The cats are a bit distraught, then elvis cat struts in and is like what about Misto the magic guy. He then proceeds to say what Misto can do before Misto officially appears as Misto, he has been their all along though using his powers subtly to help the show progress he’s confident if their is something he is unsure about its where his powers come from. Misto brings Old Deuts back, and then Grizabella makes one last plea to the cats IN FRONT OF THEM explaining what happened and such. She gets the touch she craves and Deuts chooses her no words needed. Her plea isn’t part of a competition, it is one to be accepted being chosen is a secondary thing to that. Then we the audience get addressed formally like we did at the beginning a la “are you blind when your born” but this time its like “so you’re not a cat, so now you get us a bit more.” Then it ends.

The movie takes this fairly simple plot of party, guessing who could be chosen, we have to wait a bit before the choice can be made, threat appears, leader who makes the choice disappears then comes back, makes the choice, and turns it into a farce. Something that TS Eliot would hate. TS Eliot didn’t want his cats to be pussy cats, he wanted Hot Gossip. He didn’t want something cartoonish, which is why Andrew was given the rights in the first place. The thing is poetry should not ever be spelled out for you, is up to you to interpret, and these songs and plot is pieced together straight from Poetry. Hooper fucked with that vision, I mean Macavity falling at the end shows this perfectly, that was something you see in a damn cartoon.

The plot Hooper added didn’t work because he dropped it like halfway through. It was no consistent and because their were so many breakaways to the barge letting you see the barge instead of just thinking these cats are in perilous danger it ruins the steaks of not having them there. The plot was bad.

Additionally, and I’ll speak more on this a little later, when the cats are taken away you lose chorus cats. The only cats that are not in the entirety of the show are Bustopher Jones and Growltiger who are generally played by the same actor as the true range for them is that of an opera singer which you would never know looking at this movie.

Songs

Overture: It was weird. I thought the throwing a cat out of a car was a bit harsh and unnecessary. Also the choreography didn’t work. The camera did not know what to do. Additionally, their was some very bad CGI with opening said back. The individual cats did not get their little moments like they do in the stage show which only made them all blend together.

Prologue: Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats: It was drastically cut. Not all the cats get their correct solos, or solos. Some were duets which takes away from the individuality of certain cats. It again like the overture was messy with choreography with the camera not knowing where to go or who to look at. The beauty of the cinematography of the 98 production is you got to see the full stage when dancing happened so your eye could find a focus, you could focus on what you want. We are robbed of that with the choppy cutting and the camera telling us who to focus on. Its poor film choice. Cats a musical that is more music based than les mis you can’t just cut back and forth in a duet or in a song to who is singing like you can with les mis ( which hooper also fucked up ). Also what was with only like five cats singing the solos. I’m sorry this is when we are supposed to meat the chorus, this was like a bad choir rehearsal.

The Naming of Cats: Blink and you’ll fucking miss it. They make such a big deal about a second name but then ITS CUT! They don’t name any second names, only boring first names. Like why even include the fucking song if you aren’t going to tell us character’s names or second names. This would have been a perfect moment with the sloppy cutting to at least let us put names to faces. Everyone walked out of that theater not having a clue that the silver dad cat was Munkustrap cause as important as he is his name is said once in a song, that isn’t about him. This song was pointless in the movie because they cut so much of it.

Invitation to the Jellicle Ball: So much is cut. So much. We don’t get solos from more than Munk. Its such a sad song with how much is cut and how important it is. It gives us Victoria’s solo which is also cut in favor of a Pas De Deux, which I get you got two great ballet dancers as your leads, but like let her have her damn moment since your so focused on making sure she is the focus of the movie.

Also my second fault to Munk, aside from him having no confidence or the write key in his first line “Are you blind when you’re born.” His solo here is weirdly paced and he doesn’t speak with confidence like he is telling a story, it sounds like he is speaking fast, and just not caring what he is delivering. If your audience conduit is confused the whole time, like this chick is, then don’t rush the deliverance of what the plot is.

This song also tells us the point of the musical and invokes the question “who will it be” which traditionally leads to the cats singing songs about different cats who may or may not appear suggesting who they think could be chosen. The competition which is completetely stupid, having each cat sing their song does not work. Most of the songs are songs sung by other cats about cats. Hence the opening line of the next number.

Gumbie Cat: Rebel Wilson cannot sing well. She has decent pitch. But she cannot sing well, nor does she understand the character. She calls Jenny lazy and fat. The stage version she’s essentially the opposite. Jenny is not a fat joke. She is busy cat who doesn’t get out much, but she does alot of good.

The cockroaches and mice. Besides bad CGI aside, this concept was poorly executed. It was a good concept, a good theory but the execution made it bad. In the stage production the cats in the junkyard portray the mice and cockroaches because its an act its like a play within a play. Here we get badly CGIed kids in mice costumes that ever version of the damn Nutcracker has done better. We get tap dancing cockroaches. However unlike with Skimbleshanks’ number, we do not get to focus on the tap or the clarity of the tap because of the poor filmography which I’ll talk about later.

This number was pretty much ruined by Rebel making a joke out of the whole. Additionally, she zips off her fur. Like its not a coat, or a bigger bit of fur its her literal fur. Its just wrong and it looks cartoonish which again TS Eliot did not want for his cats poems.

Rum Tum Tugger: Jason was a smart choice, but he also did not care about the number. He wasn’t giving it all he had. He has the vocals for it, but he wasn’t giving it. The dancing in this number suffered, none of the kittens or cats in general seem to be loosing their shits over him. They seem more happy about the damn milk.

Many critics say the movie is horny, let me tell you this number has nothing on John Partridge or any person who has ever played Tugger. I mention John because he is the only one who really went their with the hip thrusts and the kittens were the only ones willing to get up in there. Their was no fear the in 98 version, here they all seemed scared to show anything more than emotion. In a song that helps define some of the chorus cats we don’t get any definition from them.

Alot of people hate some of Rebel’s jokes, but the one that Robbie teased her about was well timed and much better than the rest of the jokes in the movie. It seemed natural and not forced. It also kind of goes with the traditional relationship of Jenny and Munk, and how they view Tugger.

This is the only time we see Tugger til the very end with Munk’s song. Because he sings a song, and its not for the competition it already fucks with the plot that Hooper set forth and thus doesn’t really fit into the narrative that Hooper is trying to weave. He should have left it. Originally the song is a mix of the adult cats and the kittens talking about Tugger and having Tugger more or less clarify for them. Its a waste of his character to be honest, and a waste of Jason’s actual talents.

Grizabella the Glamor Cat: Why do we need to know her specific backstory. Her costuming and song should be enough to tell the audience what we need to know. This is classic example of telling not showing, which is a big no no in writing.

Also because of how the beginning of this movie has gone we have no connection to the damn cats singing this song. Two of them typically have had parts in two other songs by now, and one of the cats is a “psychopath” as t-swiftizzle has said and doesn’t appear til much later in the movie. Like why do these cats care. The apprehension from the stage show is not there.

Kudos to Robbie for keeping the strange relationship up where he is hairs standing on end, but still admonishing the rudeness. However it didn’t seem to have an effect. These actors are so scared to touch each other, why would they make fun of and scratch at a cat they aren’t supposed to like. The song had very little agency because of how it was performed and who performed it because we had no connection to those cats prior. Jennifer tried but damn its hard to carry a whole shit show on your back even if Robbie is trying to help.

Bustopher Jones: I said it above and I’ll say it again, this was probably the best integrated song into the plot, while the shit plot still existed. However James Cordon’s jokes did not land. He didn’t carry himself as a distinguished cat in those deliveries which would have helped the character. I didn’t mind the junk and garbage surfing because it gives you a bit of a realistic look on what he probably does at the clubs and such. Think of him like a bit of a dirtier version of lady and the Tramp.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Again I said it above, this number objectively wasn’t bad. They took a song that I found grating and made it fun to watch and sung pretty well. However again it doesn’t fit into the contrived plot that Hooper was trying to form. Having Victoria there seemed very stupid, I will say more about how she is a poor choice for an Audience insert later. But she did not need to be there. The glory of Mungo and Rumple’s song is that no one is there, and they are taking a mick out of everyone who thinks they are Macavity. Whether it is the West End debut version, or the faster brassier verseion of the 98 show, they are alone making fun of the fact that they fooled everyone, and explain why they can do it through their song.

Old Deuteronomy: It was fine, decent. Until Judi Dench opened her mouth. I am bitter that Tugger didn’t sing the song with Munk but considering how much of the song was fucking cut what would he have sung? That is another issue this musical had, they cut so many songs, and left in songs that weren’t needed or added songs not written by TS Eliot originally at all. You miss the softer side to Tugger by not having him sing or even be here.

Judi Dench, she’s a great actress, she was not a great Old Deuteronomy. This has nothing to do with the fact that she was a woman. I would have been happy if it was Julie Andrews or Maggie Smith ANYONE, but Judi Dench. Judi can’t sing, the talk singing she did was pitchy at best. And the issue is Old Deuteronomy is one of the more powerful singers in the show. Not only that, Judi just did not command any presence. It wasn’t that she was small, it was just that she didn’t draw you to her, the camera had to do that. She molded into the background and none of the cats aside from Munk interacted with her, which made her seem like a stranger and not a cat that these other cats love and trust.

Jellicle Ball: I am crying for Gillian Lynne. This in the stage show is what many call the orgy number. It is more or less a mating dance and where we get the lovely victoria having her second big solo, followed by a lovely pas de deux with Plato who later becomes Macavity which I find intriguing.

In the movie we get Jason asking if its okay to party then they try to bring up the tempo by cutting the music awkwardly. This song just does not work with the choreography given to it. I am sure the Les Twins are great dancers, but first why couldn’t their cat names have been Coricopat and Tantomile they seemed to serve a similar purpose. Second why were they in this. The shoes ugh, but the hip hop does not match the song at all. The stick out and are just awkward.

Instead of this being a beautiful dance, with amazing choreography we get a very strange dance circle after the choreographer attempted to have the dancers dance on the softer notes and down beats, which does not work in a song with very hard up beats, and that isn’t a ballet number. The choreography over all just didn’t fit and seemed ill timed at best.

Also all of the damn lyrics were cut. The Jellicle Ball essentially explains what a jellicle is, which is what Victoria wants to be yet its not fucking explained to her, its poorly explained through dialogue and even then she doesn’t know. Like why take out the lyrics of this number. It made no sense.

Grizabella’s Reprise: Unlike the first song being in front of people, this song isn’t. But if I recall cats are watching. This is where we get the first inklings of memory. This is her plight. Its ruined by Victoria.

Beautiful Ghosts: I will say straight up I am not a fan of T-Swiftie her songs are petty at best, and this one is no different. This song was not needed. We did not need this blatant reason for Victoria to connect with Grizabella, we didn’t need it forced. The beautiful thing about the stage show is the touch and connection between Victoria and Griz is that it happens at the end of the show, and ITS NATURAL and is in combination with Jemima/Silabaub.

The song’s words are written by Taylor, and everyone is saying it fits so well with the musical and it doesn’t. We have no reason to feel bad for Victoria, yes she was dumped out of a car, but we know nothing about her past, and the song doesn’t do anything but allude to what happened. It is the epitome of “I had bad shit happen to me my whole life, but at least your life was good.” It is a song that completely lacks empathy. Sympathy is when you say “well it could be worse” and the last thing Grizabella wants is fucking sympathy. She needs someone to feel with her, not say it could be worse. This song is horrible with a horrible message and sung by a person who can sing well. BUT, its sung by the wrong character, and with the contrived plot that is being forced down our throats, it does not fit into the plot because we don’t know anything about Victoria at all.

Also it greatly irks me that everyone was okay with adding a song that wasn’t based of Eliot’s poems. Every single song in the stage production is a variation of one of Eliot’s poems whether published or not. It is a butchering of his work in a whole new way saying “here we’ll make it better” which is a huge insult to a poet.

The Moments of Happiness: Is it even in the movie? IDK, if it is its probably pitchy and sing talked all the way through, and does nothing for the story or anything. I think it might be when Deuts is looking out the window. But like the song is an addressing to the cats, kind of like an introduction or a toast for the Ball.

Magical Gus/Gus the Theater Cat: Ian was a smart choice, like John Mills he was a smart choice. BUT, the number felt long. John Mills’ number ran long and we didn’t get all of Mungo and Rumple’s song and Growltiger’s last stand was cut. Gus’ song is the slowest in the show. What helps the song have life in the stage version is Jellylorum singing with him. Actors in my opinion do better with a scene partner, and boy did this song need. It was slow and boring.

Growltiger’s Last Stand: We were robbed a good song. And what we did get, the one line we got was contrived and Growltiger’s song was reduced to a shitty villain song, on a shitty barge, to help this shitty plot. The worst thing is that this whole barge plot WASN’T NEEDED. We do not need to see people in danger to know they are in danger. It is better to not know than to know. This is the whole issue with upping Macavity’s role in the whole musical. A villain is better when they are unknown that’s why scary movies work.

I understand the original Growltiger song is racist, but they already cut songs, and they have shown no issues in changing lyrics, so they could have done. Growltiger originally is supposed to be a reenactment of a play that Gus did. The cats all help. This is another example of ruining the relationships the chorus cats have with each other, and robs them of characterization for us to see. Because remember in the stage show every cat is on stage 90 percent of the time, minus Bustopher, who I believe doubles as Growltiger because of the ranges and such needed. When we lose the cats we are introduced to the chorus becomes nameless faces and it makes me wonder why they are even there because they have nothing that makes them stand out.

Also because so much of Growltiger was cut we loose Griddlebone which is a fucking shame. We loose that tragedy of a tail. We loose a glorious opratic number. All for the sake of a shitty villain plot that had no real steaks at all because it all seemed so contrived and fake.

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat: Possibly the best number in the show as it stayed the truest to its original form. It didn’t have much cut song wise. My issue with the song lies in the cinematography of it. This song I say rings the truest to the stage show because at the beginning we clearly see a formed railway track of beams. We get the lovely tapping to simulate the train which adds onto the other train sounds that are made in the number.

The issue is the fact that they take us out of the ballroom. There was no need for that. I will talk more about it later. But this number shows us the real issue with scale in this movie and how they have no clue how to address it at all. The cats at one point look like they are two inches tall, and at another point look like the scaling is correct. Their are many many bad bad jump cuts when they are on the actual railroad tracks. One was so bad you couldn’t even see the cast anymore. The scale is very off because it makes you question are they the correct portions when standing, or are they they correct portions when on their hands and feet.

The stage show manages to show everything this song showed within the confines of the junkyard, and it was completely feasible to do in the fucking ballroom but Hooper didn’t do that. When you have a big budget do not add unnecessary shots. That is what made the 98 version so great. They had a huge budget but didn’t over complicate the base show. The emphasized the dancing and singing and let those shine, and let the actors tell the story instead of letting the camera work and new shots tell the story.

Also the actor that played Skimble was Scottish I wish he let that come through. It would have made certain words and inflections just that much better.

Macavity: The Mystery Cat: In this stage show this song is a duet. In the movie is sung by T-Swizzle in order to get money from all her little fans. Taylor is an okay singer, i have heard better, and I have heard better for Bombalurina, both in seeing the musical live, and in the 98 version. They framed the song to be the one Macavity sings to show why he should be chosen but their are not cats to be chosen, remember that was the plot. Yeah its easy to forget.

Here’s the issue with how this song and its subsequent fight is worked out. The song’s lyrics are not changed so they talk about how bad Macavity is which in the frame of a competition to show your best qualities and why you should be chosen it does not fit. We know he was not going to get chosen, we knew from the beginning because it was shoved in our faces. Cats 2019 is a great example of a poorly written villain.

The song in the stage production is a cautionary tale told by two people who have likely had relations with Macavity. They are not only warning us the audience about him, but also the kittens who wonder who he is, who have never seen him. When you keep the context of the lyrics in with this new plot frame it doesn’t fit and only explains why he wouldn’t be chosen.

Additionally because its not a duet, and its sung by a cat we have never seen before, nor have any frame of reference for it doesn’t mesh well. Like why should we care?

Also the catnip. That is so pointless. Macavity is a magical cat, his powers to deceive and hypnotize are seen through his choreography in the fight seen with Munkustrap and Alonzo. But no we have to have magical cat nip spread by Bomby, Mungo, Rumple, and Griddlebone. Why even mention Griddlebone like this with the inclusion of Rumple if we do not get the song where we actually see just why she is an agent other than some lacky. Like this diminishes her character so much. ( And yes her inclsuion in the stage shows that don’t do growltiger like the 98 movie does also bug me this is not just a movie gripe, but the movie takes the stance to show us to her, but she is not the glorious white cat that is also so very evil, she is a wimpy little black cat who is scared that she is called out ).

Macavity’s fight seen mainly with Munk is taken away from us and given to the dumb barge cats fighting Growltiger. Again we have no real steaks in this fight. However we don’t see the barge cats again so why did it matter that we saw them off Growltiger? In the stage show, we actually see Munk, our silver tabby dad fight Macavity. It is a show of raw power that both he and Macavity have. It shows how dangerous Macavity is. It shows what cats do. They fight. We do not get this. We do not get see why all these other cats defer to Munk because his role as the protector is diminished to “I am dad cat hear me roar.” Losing this fight we loose alot of the connections we see between the main cats and the chorus cats. They all help each other, and want to fight. We see them care for a hurt Munk in the stage show. All that is gone and diminished to poor jokes, and twirling chains on a barge that looks about as real as a toy bathtub boat.

In the stage show, Macavity is scared away in this number. Which means he is still a threat but not for now. Not for the rest of the fight. Additionally this number we get the fake out of Deuteronomy coming back because that is how the fight happens. Macavity stole Deuteronomy just moments ago and to see Deut’s come back, we get a false sense of hope and a true feeling of Macavity’s madness. We don’t get that in the movie.

The movie boils him down to a bad villain in a cartoon. Which is the exact opposite of Eliot’s wishes. It is exactly the opposite of what Eliot wanted and why he was so scared to actually give away the rights to his poems.

Mr Mistoffelees: A song traditionally sung by the most confident cat in the musical Tugger, is sung by a character assassination in progress. This version of Mr. Mistoffelees tries to fit into the contrived plot of competing for a Jellicle Life and it fails miserably. A number that is traditionally loved by so many is utterly ruined by the lack of confidence in the entire delivery of the song. I will talk more about Mistoffelees’ character later.

But this song is riddled with so many starts and stops that we don’t actually get a climax to the song. And look Jason is back as Tugger, but his part is taken by Victoria, and the number just doesn’t work. I do not care what you ship. The number does not work the way it was sung or staged. Also Tugger shows back up in this number and when you think he is going to sing the a part its sung by Victoria, it cuts to her, and I was disappointed.

When Tugger sings the song, he tells you of a cat with powers. Powers that we see used throughout the show in subtle ways. Its not shoved in our damn faces. its used in helpful ways. In stage productions he opens the car for Jenny, He lights the stage lights for Peeks and Pollicles. Its all these subtle things, but he knows he is good at magic. Tugger knows this. Tugger sings it.

Victoria and Mistoffelees singing the song rips that all away. Mistoffelees has no confidence in himself though he used magic through the show, it was shoved in our faces. Victoria suggesting he can bring Old Deut’s back is completely pointless because the only magic she has ever seen Misto do is bad magic that only half worked. Now granted she has this insane ability to see the best in everyone and see them ALONE so like who knows.

But the number is ruined because their is no continuation or build up. And no conjuring turn come on. Also Robbie tried, but he is no Tugger. It feels weird coming from him. Like yes he encourages the cats, but like we also never see the other side of being parent, because they cut Peeks and Pollicles which I will discuss at the very end of the song section.

Beautiful Ghosts Reprise: I have no clue if this is before or after Memory. But Victoria’s agency in this number is so stupid. All her interactions with Grizabella were in private where no one saw. Her touching Grizabella means absolutely nothing to us as an audience for many reasons which I will go into later. But here it means nothing because Victoria means nothing to the Jellicles as she isn’t one.

Memory: If you have an issue with the snot go watch Anne Hathaway sing I dreamed a dream and come back to me okay. Tom Hooper has a fetish about that kind of stuff or something.

But snot aside IT FITS THE SONG! Grizabella is supposed to be sad. This is her moment, her chance to cry out for someone to touch her her. Her chance to be accepted again.

We get back to the contrived plot cause she sings a song for a chance to win. But the song does not fit into the contrived plot because even if we are following the shit plot, because of Beautiful Ghosts it seems more like she wants to belong again rather than a chance to go to the Heavy Side Layer hence why Beautiful Ghosts is a pointless song even more than it already was.

In the stage show, Jemima sings with Grizabella. She is a chorus cat mostly but this is her moment to shine. Victoria gets it which fine, but also takes away from the Jellicles accepting Griz because Victoria is not a Jellicle herself. Why on earth should these cats listen to her? They have no reason to. Also because not only was the initial touch done in private, because all these characters don’t interact with each other the touch is rendered meaningless which almost renders the song meaningless. Which is a shame cause Jennifer killed it.

Journey to the Heavyside Layer: It was fine. I could have done without the Macavity bit at the end that was literally pulled from a Tom and Jerry Cartoon, which again Eliot would have hated. Yes its acted by a real person, but its cartoon like in nature ( just like jenny zipper her fur off ) which is the antithesis of what Eliot wanted to become of his poems.

The Ad-dressing of Cats: Why was this song kept in? Out of all the songs this one more or less directly addresses the audience. They had Judi Dench break the fourth wall and stare directly into the camera which was uncomfortable, and not done well. I have seen staring straight into the camera done well in exactly one piece of film and that is Mr. Robot. Here it was weird and uncomfortable. No one seemed to know what to do. The chorus was stronger than Judi so her words were overpowered. She was pitchy at best, and just downright awful in this song.

Then she tells Victoria she is a Jellicle which... like yeah finish out your contrived plot Hooper, but all if it was pointless. And it ruins the “Victoria is the Audience stand in” because the song actually addressed directly to the audience was not addressed to our stand in. It does not match the opening at all which is also addressed to the audience in the stage show. The book ends don’t match and its weird.

When I say book ends, at the beginning the number asks questions about cats can you do this can you do that. At the end it asks you “so you get what a cat is now right?” Its a pretty clever way to begin and end a show. But the movie got lost and forget what it was doing so here it seems weird and out of place.

Peeks and Pollicles: A number that was cut. This number is one of my favorites in the musical because it helps waste time til the end. It allows the cats to interact with each other and Old Deuteronomy. It is one of the best numbers to see the interpersonal relationships between our chorus of cats and our main cats.

This number not being in takes all that away and does not let us see personality in any of the chorus cats. Even Mungo and Rumple fall flat because we do not get to see them not be evil or talk about being mischievous.

This number also provides context for what a Peek is. In Macavity the word Peek is said but if you have only ever seen the movie you have no idea what that word is. In the stage show we learn that it is a term for a type of dog. Additionally, when we take this song out, we also lose some plot context of the cats and the junkyard putting plays to help act out the songs of who they think it will be. And in this case what looks like to be a rehearsed play that the cats are determined to mess up and make our silver tabby go from silver to grey.

Dance

There was so much sacrificed for the sake of cinematography. A musical based in dance had barely any dancing shown because of quick cuts. And what was shown was often clunky and didn’t actually look feline. Nor did it match the music because the choreographer tried to hard to be like the greats who choreographed the nut cracker and other ballets. He also ruined Gillian Lynne’s choreography.

They looked like trained dancers when they danced. Which yeah is good, but they didn’t look like cats. Their hands were often turned up, when to make them slightly more catlike they should be turned down. None of them got comfortable with being on the ground. They all seemed so very very stiff which is the exact opposite of how a cat should be.

None of them understood how to dance like a cat.

The tap dancing in Gumbie Cat as opposed to Skimbleshanks is astonishing. The tap dancing in Gumbie Cat is messy and hardly focused on, when its the star of the stage show. It looks contrived and like they were trying to hard to recreate a scene from a famous black and white film. Also this is a CGI comment but if you look hard enough you can tell that the cockroaches are like the same three dancers copied and pasted over and over.

Contrast that to Skimble with his clear taps. Now the actor who played Skimble is known for tapping. He is a member of the Royal Opera House, which is a ballet company in England. His tapping was made famous when he originated the role of the Mad Hatter, with some brilliant choreography that he was given. His tapping hear shines. It is just a really good example of tap. And its a shame it had to share the stage with the cockroach crap.

The opening numbers was not given what it deserved by the cats jumping everywhere. The opening is a highly for the choreography of the show. Its supposed to show you what you can expect. In the movie it was just alot of jump cuts, and Misto fucking it all up, sorry not sorry. I did not fall for the cute factor. Additionally the choral portion was not choral. They did not line up thus when they line up at the end at Trafalgar Square, we have no reference to them doing this before. Its a shame.

Tugger did not dance sexually enough. I know I know I shouldn’t say this. But most actors who play Tugger try to do some variation of John Partridge’s version, with less hip thrusts. Jason didn’t even try, and thus none of the kittens were enthralled with him. It made the point of his song pointless. Additionally Tugger is one of the strongest dancers in the show in my opinion. He dances in every number and adds his flare. Because Jason is in the movie all of 5 minutes we don’t see this.

I am sure the Les Twins are great dancers. But none of that was showcased. They were pigeon holed into this and tried to fit and failed.

So much choreography was cut because so much of the songs were cut. Jellicle Ball has so many lyrics that are danced and they are cut. So much dancing was cut in favor of showing us Grizabella running away. In the musical that is subtle and you know WHY? its supposed to be it is not supposed to completely take our attention of of the magic that is happening with the dance. That is why Griz is chased away because she draws your attention to her. We didn’t need the camera doing that, and thus ruining the flow of the number.

Characters:

Munkustrap: Not much bad about him. He had a few off beats. He tried. Thought their are times where he looked bored, and his face was not good at hiding it.

Victoria: One face wonder, she is like the Maddie from dance mom’s of this movie. She’s got a Maddie face, and it made it hard to think she had any emotion at all because she didn’t emote. Also white cats are more often than not deaf which the musical often shows as mute because Victoria has no solos. For her to speak was jarring. The speaking was jarring in general but most of the lines coming from her was off putting.

Her not being a jellicle outright ruined any agency she had in the movie. She had more say in things like Misto and Griz than she should have had. The solo she was given was petty and very very condescending to Griz.

She was a bad audience stand in because in trying to keep her original stage role they tried to mix it with this new plot role and it just did not work. And made you forget what they were doing with the plot because the plot was so contrived.

I don’t get why she had to have stripes and spots. She’s a solid white house cat, not some fucking snow leopard.

Misto: He was ruined. He has forced us to see his magic, then doubts himself when asked to use it. He is not confident in himself and a bumbling fool. In the stage production he is confident. The only thing he doesn’t understand is where his powers come from. This is seen wonderfully in the 1998 version where he looks at his hands as he is shooting sparks from them. His character was ruined.

Skimble: Like Munk nothing wrong. But we don’t see him interact with the regular chorus cats so it begs to wonder why is he even trying to show them anything. They don’t seem to know him. Their is no connection between the cats with songs named after them and the chorus aside from maybe Misto.

Tugger: He was not John Partridge. Just watch 98 cats and you will see what you are missing when it comes to who Tugger is.

Jenny-any-Dots: She was mischaracterized by Rebel as being fat, lazy, and old. Her character of being a respectable busy cat who seems lazy to her owners is assassinated. Like their is a reason Munk likes her but that reason is gone in the movie.

Old Deuteronomy: Judy Dench was bad. She couldn’t sing, and commanded no real authority or presence. Robbie could only do so much to give that to her. But she did nothing to earn it.

Admetus/Rumpus Cat: Sadly gone from this movie, though probably because Rumpus would have been more cartoonish than Macavity was and they were already hurting Eliot’s legacy enough. Also I’m not sure we could have handled the camp superhero of Rumpus Cat in this shit CGI.

Alonzo: Was he there? I don’t know. The chorus cats were all a singular blob that did not stand out and had not individuality and personality. He interacts with Munk alot but we didn’t see that.

Asparagus: Not present, granted he wouldn’t have been present anyways because Gus was only present for his number (and that awful barge seen) but in the 98 version and most stage versions he is the chorus version of Gus the Theater Cat. In 98 he is argued to be a son of Gus, or just a younger version of Gus. Because remember what I said in the stage production every cat is on stage for about 90% of the time.

Bombalurina: She’s apparently psychotic in this version. Which she’s not, but also in the stage version she’s not either. Instead of being someone who survived the influence of a less than pleasing purpose she is henchman number one. The Smee ( but more coordinated ) to Macavity’s Hook.

Bustopher Jones: Was decent. James was good, but he also missed the mark with his jokes and they didn’t land well. We saw a more realistic version of him instead of the show’s idealized version which I was fine with. But his lines were wooden and not good. Hence why this show should not have spoken lines.

Cassandra: Was apparently there? She looked purplish I think or maybe that was Demeter. I don’t know but she was rude, and more catty than show Cassandra. But we don’t really know who she is because beyond the Glamor Cat song she along with Demeter disappear into the background with cats that don’t matter.

Coricopat and Tantomile: Replaced with Plato and whatever the other philosopher was played by the Les Twins. They didn’t fit in. Shoving hip hop into cats has been proven to not work, hip hop tugger anyone? So why they tried again here, I don’t know. But they failed. We loose these lovely mystical twins, and get stuck with twins in converse? Like why? What brought on that costume choice, why did that slip through?

Demeter: Could be Cassandra. We don’t know. She’s just a mean girl and not a traumatized cat who is the first to think a sign of danger is Macavity. She was robbed of her duet cause t-swizzle needs all the fame. Munk doesn’t get his moments with her cause VICTORIA! Ugh.

Electra, Etcetera, Exotica: Were any of them there? The world may never know. The movie didn’t show us faces to put with names like the 98 version did. So if they were there who knows. You probably would have no seen or heard them since most solos they had were covered by like four other cats only. And the rest of the chorus cats was a brown grey blob because those are the only cat colors apparently.

Grizabella: We did not need to be told her back story. The song alludes to enough. Jennifer did great though. I just wish her moments were not in so much seclusion. It ruins her final song. We are robbed of young Griz in the opening number.

Gus: Ian did great. He was the right choice, the went a John Mills route. But his number dragged. Ian also didn’t have any connection to anyone in the cast. Like when Misto talks to him his reactions make it seem like he does not care who these cats are now. It makes him seem stuck up rather than reminiscent.

Jellylorum: Apparently was a kitten? Sigh. She is supposed to give Gus as a suggest and sing his song with him as a duet to kind of play off of each other. It gives the number some action and liveliness. Even with all the cuts, the number still dragged.

Jemima/Silabaub: First her name varies depending on where you are watching the stage show. Whatever she had was given to Victoria. Apparently this is because that cat was based of ALW’s wife. Which like fine, but like Hooper can you at least be more cohesive with your plot if you are going to cut a character out?

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: We see no real personality from them. Sorry but we don’t. We just see them scheming with each other because they are “evil.” We don’t get the story that the show or the 98 musical gives us. A moment i love from the 98 version is when Macavity does come Mungo ducks and covers his head with hands. It just shows that even Macavity’s own guys, cause Mungo is mentioned in the song not Rumple ( which leads me to think she came later or pulled him out of that ), but it shows just how scary Macavity is. And we don’t get that in the movie. In the movie we get them not knowing Macavity’s plan, which like what use are you then?

Plato: Commandeered by the Les Twins he is ruined. In the show he has a pas de deux with victoria and its a bit sexy and still gorgeous with the gorgeous famous overhead lift that the show is known for. He also doubles as Macavity cause again all the cats are on stage for about 90% of the musical save for a few.

Pouncival: Not there as far as I can tell. Which is a shame Pouncival is a cutie pie in the 98 version.

Tumblebrutus/Carbuckety: His name varies depending on what stage show you are watching. He is the one who tumbles alot. He may have been there, but because of the crappy cinematography whatever tumbling there was, we didn’t see.

Growltiger: Ruined to a poor attempt at a pirate on a toy boat barge.

Griddlebone: Ruined, and demeaned to a low lackey instead of a lavish cat who does with movie Macavity wishes he could.

Macavity: He became a cartoon villain as opposed to an actual threat. He wasn’t ginger, and his eyes were weird he was the only one with weird eyes. He wasn’t scary, any agency he had as a threat was ruined by shoving his badness in our face. They could have just had the cats disappear. Its like Tom Hooper saw a scary movie saw what made it scary, the unknown, and decided I’m not going to do that. Also any thing that would have shown his strenght is gone because hsi fight was taken away.

Any cat in the chorus is just a blob, or not CGIed. LOL. Part of this is because the cast does not interact with each other. In the stage production touch is important. Interpersonal relationships are important. We don’t get any of that. We are not used to touching and nuzzling thus when we see it is awkward. Not to mention the awkard rubbing noise we get when it does happen, it doesn’t help. The cast aside from the named cats, and munk have no personality, they fade into the back and its such a shame because each cat is so unique and different. Granted we wouldn’t know that since when they explain that in the stage show, they cut it out in the movie.

Technical Stuff

The first four songs are pretty much ruined because it takes just about that long to get accustomed to the strange CGI. The CGI is bad, I have seen better CGI cats in video games. Honestly I know makeup is time consuming, but it is cheaper than CGI. Better cats make up that isn’t just the theater makeup can be seen in Doctor Who. What made this CGI so jarring is the lack of noses and lips that looked like cats. We know via BTS pics that the actors wore make up. So why they couldn’t put noses on, or the line straught down to the mouth then curled up the ends of the mouth to give us a muzzle is beyond me. It looks like bad photoshop. I will never understand that decision.

I don’t care that dicks were CGIed out. That is not what made cats “sexy” in the first place. The dancing made it sexy. The CGI was equal to that of movies in the 90s and poorly made video games from the early 2000s.

From a film standpoint it was poorly shot. Tom Hooper does not know how to shoot dance. And it shows. He does so many swift cuts and pans that we don’t get a good view of what the choreography is.

We are too often forced to see things that are already obvious because of other tactics like shadows and voices. We do not need to see a cat disappearing via Macavity. We do not need to see so much yet our focus is taken from the group ruining whatever connection the group had to eachother and us the audience in order to show us bad dialogue and special effects to show capturing. I said it earlier its like Tom Hooper saw scary movies and said I wont do that I’m gonna do it like Tom and Jerry do, but that’s an insult to Tom and Jerry. Or he has never seen a horror movie in his life.

Their are far to many unnecessary scenes paired with jump cuts. We never get a sense of the group of cats as a whole because not only are they seperated from the only cats we know the names of, but we have to see where those cats are since we have to know they are in danger. No one knows of the thread, except like once, which is when Griz arrives. Its like the chorus doesn’t care, even though Hooper does his damndest to make sure we the audience care, but we don’t even our audience stand in doesn’t. These scenes are mainly Growltiger’s barge, and taking us out of the ballroom for Skimble’s number.

Now onto proportions. They are all over the place. A watch would strangle a cat, a ring would not fit around their wrist. They at some points can just reach a door knob, while at other parts barely reach a foot off the ground. The cockroaches and mice did not size down well. Skimble’s number had so many issues with size and cinematography which is a shame cause it was one of the best of the movie. The cats can walk on the tracks like with 3 feet on either side of their own. Yet we all know that is not correct. They look two inchest tall in comparison to the tracks. Yet we see them inside the train and they are like child sized. Then we have weird cuts to wide shots of the bridge which doesn’t help with proportion as one wide shot is so wide the cats nearly disappear. Another proportion issue was the stage in the ballroom it was a normal stage and they measured to it like a normal stage. The moon looked like something out of 1920s black and white film so was proportioned for a normal human, but the chandelier was big and felt oddly proportioned in the ballroom. Like it should not have been able to fit through the whole in the roof.

Tom Hooper did not know what he was doing with this movie. It is very clear he had no vision and did no know what the show was about hence why he had to push his new plot in while keeping everything the same so it seemed like hot garbage which is exactly what it was.

Tom does not know how to film dancing, and he has been notorious for cutting songs and such with Les Mis and he did it again. He cut songs, and then added a song which he did with Les Mis too. He messed up guys.

Back to the CGI for a minute besides the overall choice being bad because all the did could be done with practical makeup and would have looked better. It was poorly done. Their ar emoments when their is just color on the actor’s hands, when their is no color, when their is fur. Judi’s main is curled under her chin so it looks like a really bad fake beird. If you are in the background you may not be CGIed at all. There wer emoments where the connections did work such as feet on the ground, and Munkustrap helping Victoria off the car looked weird cause Victoria’s fur slid around but not with her body. And that is just a few things I noticed. The tails were good but like, it took away from the dancing.

Their was real awkward sound design. First of all the butchering of Andrews music to fit certain aspects like Tugger asking for the party to be turnt up. It was weird and didn’t fit. Additionally any moment where nuzzles or touches happened were awkwardly silent with a sound that sounds like the rubbing of a plasticky material together. None of which is helped by they never actually touch eachother because their is somoene blocking the camera. A show that has a character essentially scream “touch me” lacks touch one of the most basic cat interactions.

Breaking the fourth wall was jarring because it didn’t happen throughout. The 98 version gets away with it because they do it from the beginning. But this was weird. It was a poor choice, and an example of wanting to keep the original but it not coming across because of choices made prior.

Other Stuff and Random Thoughts

The movie was really confused at what it wanted to be. It wanted to have the original plot, but also this new plot which was forotten half way through and remembered again. Continuity was a huge issue with this movie. Victoria as audience stand in doesn’t work because the audience is addressed at the end. The jokes didn’t land. And the subtle jokes in the stage version are all but erased.

Cats would have never done well, even with an extended timeline and good CGI. If it was a perfect movie it would not have done well because it is Cats. Cats has never done well with critics. Its biggest fans are often children because they get the story because it is such a simple story. This movie forgot that, but also tried to make it easier to follow, but they failed cause it was confused.

This movie is a huge disservice to TS Eliot. Eliot did not want pussy cats, that is why he didn’t give the rights to Disney. It wasn’t that he didn’t want animated cats like in Aristocats. He didn’t want his cats to be like Tom from Tom and Jerry, which Macavity became more or less. Their were cartoon moments in the movie, and its a disservice to the Poet. Adding to his works with a new song is a disservice. Making the choreography so contrived because the new choreographer wants to show he has subtlties like Balanchine of Nutcracker fame was a disservice to Gillian Lynne.

The movie lost the vision of what cats is and was. It lost the vision of what a cat is because the cats did not act like cats. We never saw a true cat fight, or the cats interact with each other in ways that weren’t awkward. We never saw them being cats yet we are told that they are cause Judi told us so. They never acted like cats or moved like cats. Simple hand turning downwards instead of upwards, or bending of the legs, holding yourself a little differently that makes all the difference.

The move wasn’t aboslutely terrible, but it was pretty bad. I still think its garbage, and I don’t think its worthy of the title Cats because it was hardly that. A bigger budget does not mean cool CGI, and more shots, it means improve the basics to the very best. The Corridor Crew on Youtube say it best, if you can do it practically do it because it will always look better. This movie missed so many marks.

I say all this out of love because Cats is my favorite musical. But this movie failed. I wish it could be chosen to be reborn, but I’m afraid what we’d get. So I’ll stick with the stage production, if you can see a tour or any of the productions around the world do it. If not watch the 98 version, get the DVD because the one on youtube cuts out some good parts like Tugger playing bagpipes.

I wanted this movie to be good. I wanted to be proud to say I like Cats and I can’t unless I specify the stage version, because this version is not deserving of a like from me.

So I’ll repeat what I said at the beginning of this review, Cats 2019 is garbage that does not belong in the jellicle junkyard. Granted, no one from the 2019 movie or who has seen it would get that reference, but that’s okay. Us real fans know. We’re the true fans we get it. We will love this musical, but I say we cannot love this movie for so many reasons, and I hope I have laid out a few of my own.

#ooc: out of cats #cats 2019 #cats 2019 review #cats the musical

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