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graceylacey · 1 month

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is laios touden happy?

I keep coming back to the question that a lot of Dungeon Meshi (manga) fans seem to be asking: is Laios happy at the end?

My two cents on this is: well, yeah. He actually is.

He’s sacrificed a lot, it seems, far more than all of the other characters. He’s the driving force behind the reason they survived to save Falin - through eating the monsters. Only in the end, he’s not able to explore dungeons, be near monsters (RIP his special interest) or even eat without feeling 30% empty. It’s a real tough bargain.

But that’s the whole point. And that loss makes the story so much more impactful to me.

When talking with the Winged Lion at the end, Laios’ true desires appear. But we can see through Mithrun, Thistle and Marcille’s time as Dungeon Lords that The Winged Lion seems to expose really selfish wishes that, whilst having good intent, don’t end up benefiting others the way the Dungeon Lord wants.

Obvious as it may seem, Laios’ true main wish IS to save Falin over the course of his storyline. It’s what drives him despite having other, arguably impossible, desires that he longs for.

Even though Laios wishes to become a monster, this desire has never overtaken his motivation in any other part of the narrative.

Yes, he loses a lot. But he’s gained Falin.

It seems obvious, but that’s the key to why I think this is a good ending for him. It’s about sacrifice. Itsusumi is a great microcosm for this - you have to do things you don’t want to do, eat things you don’t want to eat. You also have to give up things you don’t want to in order to gain more.

The similarity between Dungeon Meshi and Fullmetal Alchemist (manga) is wonderful to me. Both stories explore the giving and taking of life and the goals of our lives.

At FMA’s conclusion, Ed sacrifices his ability to do alchemy; the reason the whole story started. It cost him and Al so much, but also helped them recover what they’d lost and literally save the world (are we starting to see the similarity?). Whenever I reread FMA, it’s sometimes hard watching Ed give up all his talent and everything he worked towards. What does he have without it? But for him, in that moment, it’s not such a difficult price to pay to get his brother back.

Maybe Laios is not aware of how much he would lose when he defeats the Winged Lion. But we do know he wants his friends and Falin to be saved, even if he dies. But that’s the thing! Both he and Falin are prepared to die to save their loved ones, but what about being prepared to LIVE to save their loved ones?

In our lives, we won’t often be sacrificing our lives for people, but we might be faced with a choice to give up things we love for people we love. Losing his life would be the easy way out (a great example of this is through Mithrun. It takes conscious effort to live. It seems so much simpler to die). Losing your dreams is hard, but that’s what it ended up costing for the safety of not just Laios’ friends but the world. He made that choice, now he must live with it. Even if he’s not fully happy at the end of the narrative, he still can be. You can be happy without having everything you desperately desire. That’s Dungeon Meshi.

Dungeon Meshi’s theme of neurodivergence fit into this really well. Personally, I think Laios is the perfect person to become King, possibly because he doesn’t think he should be. We know it’s not necessarily what he wants to do most. Heck, we know he doesn’t even like people that much and they don’t even seem to like him. But that’s what will make him the perfect candidate. Unlike others, he doesn’t have some high and mighty vision of becoming revolutionary at the end, nor does he have misconceptions about his abilities. He is genuinely righteous and humble, whilst having his flaws.

Laios knows what it’s like to feel different, outcasted by the world. But despite being awkward, strange, having weird interests and an inability to read social cues; people that once hated him ultimately end up having his back. There are bound to be others like him in his world (and ours), who don’t feel like they belong within humanity. People that would want a benevolent leader who genuinely cares and is enthused about things that don’t fit the norm because he doesn’t either.

It’s not his dream job but I believe he will eventually settle into it. We see this in the extra chapter where he willingly gives up his sword. That hit me hard. It felt a bit like a betrayal, like he was giving up who he was and everything he had worked for. But maybe it just shows that it’s okay that he couldn’t achieve all his desires. At least now Falin can achieve hers, and wasn’t that his fear for so long? That she would be lost and alone without him?

But now, because of Laios, Falin has the ability to choose her own path. She can choose make to leave as he once left her without the fear and guilt that Laois felt with his own departure. It shows both of them that it’s okay for them to take separate paths. They can grow and change and love each other from wherever they are. That protection, that survival and that connection between people is at the heart of Dungeon Meshi to me.

Both Laios and Falin choose to live. When Laios eats the Winged Lion’s appetite and Falin returns it’s down to their own decision. The choice to eat; the choice to experience life the way it was intended, with all its thorns. When they eat the monstrous parts of themselves they choose to be human, they choose the consequences of life, they choose to change and to go forwards. They are two sides of the same coin.

It seems only just that after all Laios has been through and after all we’ve seen him do, he should be allowed a perfect happy ending. But that’s just not Dungeon Meshi, is it?

There will always be sacrifices. Dungeon Meshi is not just about accepting life and death, but also accepting the possibility that you may not achieve everything you want, that things will not always go to plan but that you can always achieve other things despite this.

Laios has made his choice to become King. Just like the choice to eat, it’s another part of life and of moving forward. Think of all the good he could do. I think he can be happy. That’s life.

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #falin touden #delicious in dungeon #mithrun #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #first post

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jinchuls-moved · 3 months

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𝙸𝚗 𝚂𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑 ˚‧⁺ ･ ˖ ·

╰┈➤ prince!sakusa kiyoomi x princess!reader

about ≡ a love that felt timeless comes to a halt; the man in front of you isn’t him but you don’t know here he has gone.

ANGST — 5.3k

MASTERLIST ≡ NEXT

divider by @/cafekitsune

The first time you saw him you were only a young child, as the only daughter–the only child–of the king’s closest confidant, you learnt of your engagement to the young prince as soon as you were of an age to understand what would be expected of you.

You stood in front of him, confident and proud; proving to him, to yourself and, most of all, to your mother you were worthy of the title that would one day be passed on to you.

Just children, finding their fates intertwined by forces they could not control and their betrothal that would not only impact their families, but the lives of each and every subject of Itachiyama, as your mother often put it.

From then on, you were forced to endure your mother’s lessons and unbearable pressure. Teaching you of all the expectations that will be placed on you in addition to her own that weighed down on your heart.

Time felt as though it slowed, day by day passing as your mother and various tutors join you in a study, bombarding you with the history of the family you are to wed into; etiquette lessons to become more accustomed to the manner in which you’d be expected to act as a royal. And, those you enjoyed the least, lessons in embroidery. Pricks of the needle into your fingertips, sloppy threadwork you weren’t certain would ever improve all whilst feeling berated by your mother as “a lady should be able to do this with ease.”

Months of lessons stretch to years, from etiquette and embroidery to each and every aspect you needed in order to become the best queen you could, even if that role was far in your future. Through it all, there was something that made the passing of time more bearable.

The blissful, peaceful days you could have with Sakusa by your side.

What had begun as forced, uncomfortable meetings, sharing tea under the watchful gaze of your mother, had turned into something you’d often look forward to. Exploring the palace grounds as children, taking a wrong turn one day and finding the new place of your ever more frequent encounters.

Starting with standing in the ankle-deep stream that ran along the left of the clearing, crystal clear water, that looked more than refreshing; evolving to basking in the sun in the heat of summer, sneaking pitchers of juice and snacks away from the maids before they’d notice the two of you, or the food, had gone missing. And, as the two of you grew into near adults—as your social debut, and your wedding approached—the clearing became the one place the two of you could forget the duties sitting heavy on your shoulders.

Under the weeping willow, shielded from everything outside, you’d sit with Sakusa’s head resting on your lap, gentle strokes through his hair, occasionally tracing your finger between the beauty marks on his forehead. The soft, sweet movements relieve him of all stress haunting him.

It was times like these where his princely nature, the vision the public had of him, would fumble and you would gain confidence to speak in ways you’d never let another witness as you gently ran your fingers through the curls of his hair, you studied the delicate features of his face as he closed his eyes, almost falling asleep with you as his pillow.

“What burdens you, My Dear?” He spoke up, eyes remaining closed. “I can feel the way you stare.” Now opening his eyes, his gaze meets yours, a soft frown on his face as he misinterpreted your silence as something worse.

“Nothing burdens me.” You smile, “I was simply thinking how much more enjoyable my time is when it is spent with you.”

He grins in return, lips faltering as he tries to hide his embarrassment, evident by the faint pink that adorns his cheeks. “I feel the same,” Sakusa whispers, reaching up to loosen your fingers from his curls and lacing his between yours. Bringing your hand closer, he places a soft kiss on your skin. “And, I must say. Though we had little choice, I am glad you are my betrothed.”

A sweet moment, one you had begun to cherish from the moment it occurred, or at least would have if it were not the final time you found the joy of his company and the clearing hand in hand. In fact, until the night of the ball hosted to celebrate his 18th birthday, you wouldn’t see him again.

You hadn’t thought much of it, assuming his responsibilities had made him too busy to make time for you, as it did occasionally. You find yourself missing him; waiting for the moment you could see him again, relaxed, under that oak tree but you have no luck until you’re attached to his arm, his partner as always, and waiting for the grand doors to open and your arrival to be announced to those lucky enough to receive an invitation.

They open and you can hear the faint music grow louder as you take your place at the top of the extravagant, and aggravatingly long, staircase allowing the guests time to lower their heads not only for the man at your side but the king and queen who had stepped in alongside you and, one day, they would do the same for you.

The music does not stop until you reach the bottom of the stairs as you wait for the king to announce the official beginning of the celebration; to wish his son well on the day intended to honour him. His speech comes to an end and the music brings the hall back to life. You’re pulled into idle chatter by those around you, some wanting to know of your well-being or your family’s, others solely interested in forming a connection with the future leaders of their kingdom.

Through it all, you simply wished for a moment of peace and an opportunity to escape. Yet another thing you’d learnt you shared with Sakusa: your distaste for expectation and attention.

You endure it for as long as you can, taking Sakusa’s hand as he requests your first dance, standing alongside your mother at the edge of the ballroom floor as Sakusa entertains each noble that approaches him. It seems like forever passes before you’re able to be beside him again, once more pulled into the centre of the floor (a result of your mother’s persistent pestering). You tell yourself there’s one more dance, a few more minutes of your time taken with everyone’s eyes locked onto the pair of you, an action you were sure you’d one day become accustomed to but, until then, you were left comforted by Sakusa’s words–encouraging you through each step.

Minute by minute, the night passes slowly—only enjoyable in the moment you find yourself hand in hand with Sakusa as he leads you through one of, what feels like, the hundreds of dances you had practiced all your life. His soft, gentle hands holding yours as though you were made of porcelain; as though one wrong move would shatter you in seconds.

Two or three dances pass—your movements seem to blend into the music, your focus only on him—you lose track of the time as the busy, political, intended nature of the ball. Leaving the dance floor, still hand in hand, you expect Sakusa to bid you farewell and mingle amongst those that will benefit him greatly once he is coronated.

But he never lets go. He never stops moving. He never looks back.

Pulling you from the vast ballroom you find yourself in the corridors of the palace, one’s you know well but ones that felt much different, more intimate now you were lead by your betrothed until you reach the beautiful glass doors that lead one of many balconies looking over the palace garden.

“What will people think?” You laugh, allowing him to pull you into the cold—he wastes no time in ridding himself of his jacket to wrap it around your shoulders. “The guest of honour hiding from his own celebration, taking a woman with him no less.” Fingers taking hold of the collars, you pull your covering closer. The familiar scent of him filling your nose.

“Taking his fiancé with him.” Sakusa corrects, leaning against the balcony rails as the cold breeze swims in the air. He looks beautiful as the wind disheveles every perfectly placed hair.

“We are yet to marry, there is still room for scandal.” He chuckles, staring down at the view of the garden. Making your way beside him everything feels right. The world you had been born to be part of, trained in your youth for and yearning for since you felt you heart beat only for him. It may have never been your choice, but the life expected of you didn’t seem too bad when Sakusa was going to be there with you.

“I can think of a worse scandal soon to be exposed.” Turning your head to him, you raise an eyebrow in your confusion. “The prince’s fiancé makes no attempt to congratulate him on his birthday.” A smile comes to your face at his teasing joke, turning to face him and taking a small step back. Your hand comes to your dress, pulling it out as you prepare yourself for a curtsy. Bowing your head you begin the official congratulations you’re assuming he’s expecting.

“I wish His Highness-” he raises his hand to stop you before you’re able to so much as bow.

“Not like that.” He whispers, taking a step towards you and gracefully wrapping his arms around your waist. Pulling you close he waits for you to talk.

Feeling the warmth emanating from his body, you’re suddenly painfully aware of the distance between you he’s shrunk. The cold chill in the air feels like nothing against the burning of your embarrassment coursing through you until you find yourself lost in the moment, meeting his eyes with your shy glance. “Kiyoomi.” You whisper, pushing a hand to his chest–he makes no effort to move. “This isn’t-” He watches you as you struggle to find the words becoming more flustered as each second passes. You look away, unable to keep your gaze on his, instead choosing to focus on the balcony railings and the stretch of the garden barely illuminated under the palace lights. “We are yet to be wed.” You remind him once more, tone as confident as you can muster.

“Will your reputation be tarnished by a single act no one is a witness to?” A guiding finger rests under your chin, luring you to look his way again. “I simply wish to hear your congratulations today.”

His fingers move gently against your skin, soft for the most part but the rough calluses forming rubbed against your skin, making you wish they could remain soft for the comfort of his caresses.

“Happy birthday, Kiyoomi.” Your voice is barely audible, only reaching his ears and, had it not been for the silence of the balcony, he may not have been blessed by the quiet embarrassment in your voice he’d grown to favour.

“I believe I may now call it so.” He whispers back through his grin, relishing in your initial shock as he closes the gap between the two of you, catching you in a kiss—your first—that would certainly trigger another lecture on your social reputation from your mother. If she were to find out.

It was magical; everything you had dreamt of. Perfect. Had you known what was coming, you would have savoured the moment longer.

Mere weeks later, to the surprise of everyone, the news comes that sits a weight on your heart that you can’t hold—the kingdom is at war and the prince must lead his army to victory. And you are left alone.

Your only solace is found in the frequent letters you’d share, his less detailed than yours—saving you from the horrors he was experiencing and only sharing what little could be considered ‘good’ on the battlefield. Small anecdotes; stories about his men and his queries into how you are. There seemed to be and endless amount to talk about and the letters were frequent enough to keep you enthralled with him.

Until they weren’t.

Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months and word soon stopped. No matter how much you longed to hear from him; no matter how often you sent letters of your own you heard nothing. You fear the worst, fear his death came too soon and that you were going to be the last to find out; you wonder if his parents would even feel the need to tell you. And if he wasn’t, was he captured? Was he in danger? Did his men fail to keep him safe?

How were you to ever find out?

Maybe you were never supposed to. Maybe this was how you were to find out the truth of his feelings towards you and that he’d stopped entertaining your painfully obvious childish infatuation. You could only assume so when his mother mentions, in passing, that he’s grown more into his role over the years if she was perceiving his letters correctly.

His silence was for you and you only and it shatters you. You’re left heartbroken and with a hundred questions but the one lingering on your mind the most is why? Why spend your life concerned for a man that appears to have to care for you?

You wish you could say it never bothered you and had never left you sleepless as you thought of every part of your childhood that had you falling for him in the first place. And, perhaps, with a little more time, you would have found a way to heal. Perhaps if you hadn’t heard from him again you could have felt normal.

His final letter comes as a surprise; you read it again and again, eyes scanning each word as if there was a hidden message behind them; as if something would jump from the paper and scream the truth of all that you had missed–all that he had kept from you.

But nothing came, just the words that felt as though they had no care behind them; no explanation as to why his letters had stopped. Simply a small letter, a paragraph that held nothing more than the words scrawled on the page, that you doubted he had even written himself, stating your wedding would be held in three days–leaving you no time to process that he was back. The time you had spent mourning him; crying to Kiyoko as the thought of losing him broke you.

Instead, you found yourself thrown into preparations and, with your lack of interest in the wedding painfully obvious to everyone but your overexcited mother, you feel as though there’s no time to breathe as flower arrangements, invitations and dress fittings are forced on you with no room allowed for your own opinions.

The days pass slowly, you’re overwhelmed and waiting for the end of the night when you can crawl into bed or finally release the build-up of emotions to an increasingly worried Kiyoko as she stood, brushing through your hair and encouraging you to tell her the truth. After witnessing it all, the months of missing him; the way you broke at the loss of contact and the anger you had felt when he resurfaced, she was unprepared to let you burden yourself with the weight of the kingdom’s expectations.

Especially as the night before the wedding falls.

You cling to Kiyoko as she held you tight, your head rested on her lap as she gently stroked your hair—her futile attempt to soothe you. Every wail from you leaves her shattered and the letter, the blaster letter, sit torn to shreds at your feet. Ripping it apart in a haste as Kiyoko opened your doors, you fell into a state of despair.

Tomorrow was the day of your dreams but reality felt like much more of a nightmare.

It’s a miracle your home isn’t awoken by your heartbreak but no one else comes or they simply don’t care enough to stop the once thing that benefits even the lowest of employees in your family home. Why should they step in just because you felt pain?

“I can’t!” You cry. You must, you think—the protests fall from your lips as you lose yourself in the spiral your mind has become, Kiyoko’s efforts to calm you are useless. She’s left with nothing to do but wait for you to exhaust yourself—which comes soon—only then is she able to gentle tuck you into bed again ignoring the painful pant of her own heart as she yearns for a way to get you out of your forced destiny. Yet, all she can do is stay at your side and bring you some sort of familiarity to the life you’re dreading.

It’s a restless night, tossing and turning in a light sleep that wakes you frequently. You stare at the ceiling, hoping sleep will take you once more as the birds chirp and the world awakens. If an escape is not possible, just a few more minutes of sleep will be preferable.

Puffy-eyed, throat sore, and filled with dread, you wake the next morning to the room filling with maids, more than you had ever been used to seeing, and your mother pushing her way in determined to oversee every last detail of the preparation. Since you woke up that morning, you hadn’t had a single chance to breathe.

Your mother, someone who had always been considered a respectable woman, pulled you to your feet with a childish grin on her face, pushing you from the comfort and warmth of your covers to one of her employees, whose name she certainly had never bothered to learn.

Rushed onto your feet, the only chance you have to breathe is the short time you have away from your mother–that you wished would stretch longer–sat in the warmth of your bathtub and allowing yourself just a few minutes to relax before you’re thrown into the fire burning in your home.

Your mother stands amongst the maids as you return, insisting on every last detail of your hair and clothing; ignoring the few requests you’d had just a few days beforehand. But you move past it quickly, those few requests weren’t important to either of you, your mother wanted this day to be perfect; it had to fit the image she had in her mind whereas you would had preferred nothing at all or, since you had no choice, something much less extravagant than all that had been planned.

You’re more than ready for it to end the second it begins, you’re being tugged from side to side as the maids (not so) delicately pull your hair into the intricate style your mother is insisting on, she’s quick to slap the back of your hand as you complain, reaching to alter the curl your mother seems to love–she’s telling you to remain still; accusing you of ruining the day before it had even began.

So, you’re left with no choice. You sit, having your head pulled from side to side under your mother's orders; you share a look with your lady-in-waiting through the mirror praying there was something either of you could do to stop the hell you’re about to subject yourself to—as though either of you could stop the dictator making her orders.

You lose track of the time you’re spent as your mother’s living doll, having your breath stolen as the corset is tightened around you with the order of “a little more” and your ignored protests. Your arms are pulled left and right as you're pushed into the gown, leaving only makeup to be done.

You hope it won’t take as long as your mother makes it seem; with powder being slapped on your face and more instructions being tossed at the maids. There’s nothing you can do but sit and take everything thrown your way; you’re being led to the royal carriage before you realise it—you’re still not ready.

You’re not sure how many hours have passed since the moment you woke up but, now, the sun is beating down on you through the window of the carriage. It hurts your eyes, just a little bit, but you think that’s better than your attention being on your mother. She’s sat opposite you listing off her requirements and rules for the day—all boiling down to ‘don’t mess this up’. Ruining the day was practically impossible. You’d practiced a million times, you’d had nothing but lessons on palace etiquette and you’d memorised your agenda for the day years ago. Above all, it was once a day you dreamt of—once one that left your heart fluttering.

You were a robot programmed for this day and this day only. Ruining it was not an option.

She doesn’t stop talking until you reach the palace but you’re left with no time to feel the relief. You freeze for a moment, staring at the church that stood tall, staring down at you; taunting you. Even with only a few more moments until those doors opened, until you were expected to give the rest of your life to a man you no longer wanted in your memories, you hoped you’d receive one more message that would set you free. Instead, you take the step out of the carriage, feeling the never-changing watchful glare of your mother bore into your side even as she’s encouraged away, inside the building, with Kiyoko following behind her. Your silent beg for her to stay with you; your plead for her to stand beside you and offer you the only comfort you would receive that day, don’t go unnoticed but she has no choice but to follow after your mother, leaving you stood alone with nothing to do but wait for the sound of the organ and opening of the holy doors condemning you into a life you considered hell.

Left alone, time seems to stop. There’s an endless silence that envelopes you until you’re left restless, taunted by the wait hoping the tune will never start. You don’t fund yourself lucky. The grand doors slowly creak open, the music begins quietly, the volume rising as you come into view. You want the floor to swallow you whole as every guest stands and their attention is solely on you.

It’s time.

You wish there was someone beside you. Your mother, your father, Kiyoko or just a maid. But you’re expected to take each step solo.

As the music continues you take each painstaking step. Chattering and whispers dying down to silence as the sound of the organ grows; there isn’t a single pair of eyes not on you.

Glancing around the room, or at least to those sat in proximity to the aisle in the vast chapel, you’re realising there are minimal people here to support you.

There’s viscounts and barons hoping to gain power through relationships with the higher ranking earls and dukes. There’s women hoping to meet a higher ranking man to lift them up the societal hierarchy and you start to think Kiyoko is the only person really there for you.

The closer you come to Sakusa, the more familiar the faces become. You may not know them all, but the soldiers that fought alongside your fiancé stand to your left, all smiling at the thought of their captain, the man that lead them to victory in the near half-decade they were at war, getting his chance of happiness. Or what they perceive to be so.

You search the sea of vaguely recognisable faces, trying to keep your attention forward as you walk and, only then, do you look to the men that stand close, at Sakusa’s side. His most trusted, his family–only one of which you recognise. And only one of which you’re happy see.

Komori. Sakusa’s cousin and right hand, there wasn’t a thing on Earth Sakusa knew the Komori didn’t; as your eyes met his he greets you with a familiar, comforting smile—one you hadn’t seen in far too long. The sight of him turns from reassurance into something you’d wished you’d never laid eyes on.

You hate it.

It reminds you of the happiest years of your life, when you could consider Sakusa a friend instead of the stranger he’d become; when you could laugh or cry around him and not fear his reaction. Of when you would accompany both Sakusa and Komori on walks around the palace garden, almost always ending in a scolding from your mother at the filth that littered the dress she had carefully picked out that morning, something that never bothered you. Because the time you spent without supervision was always the time you looked forward to most.

It reminds you of the time you thought married life could be somewhat enjoyable.

Beside him are the infamous mercenaries hired to fight alongside the soldiers; now knights of the palace with the sole duty of protecting the prince. There’s Bokuto and Hinata, the two deceitfully cheerful men with the power to kill in seconds if given the chance. Together, they were an unstoppable team but they were not as treacherous as the faux blonde sat beside them with judgmental eyes targeting you.

Miya Atsumu. Bloodthirsty and menacing, his stare had you wanting to turn and leave more than you already were. His brown eyes felt like they were searching your very soul and all you could do was look away, finally looking at your betrothed.

For the first time in over four years.

You hate to admit it, you really do, but, no matter how much you despise him, you cannot deny the fact he’s become an inexplicably handsome man.

Maybe it was the years on the battlefield that had forced him to grow from the 18-year-old you remember into the toned, beautiful heir to the throne waiting for you at the alter; his new physique perfectly suiting the white suit he had donned; golden accessories making him more breathtaking. And, across his shoulders sat the white mantle handed down the generations of his family: a symbol of alleged love and affection between the king and his queen.

It makes you want to laugh.

The worst thing about it all, the one thing you’d expected but hoped he would control, is the expression on his face. If a single person was looking at him they would realise what a mockery this wedding was—no one should have an expression of such abhorrence at the site of their wife. Yet, there he was looking at you like you were dirt on his boots, like you were the enemy he’d been fighting for so long.

You slow for a second, taking a hesitant step forward as you force your eyes away from his. You know this isn’t what either of you want, you’re aware there may even be a woman Sakusa yearns for but can never have. But you wish you could live your life differently, turn and run; find a man to love wholeheartedly.

Reaching the alter, everything feels real. Sakusa takes his steps towards you; taking your hand and guiding you up the steps to the high priest, who’s waiting for the music to cease and the ceremony to officially begin.

With your back to the crowd, you ignore the words spoken by the priest; they mean nothing to you as he speaks of blessings showered down on the union—on how this is the wedding everyone has been anticipating.

Everyone but the two of you.

So, you stand. A hand rested on Sakusa’s as you wait for your cue to turn to him; to listen to him speak his vows, one’s you’ll have to echo afterwards.

When the time comes, you let him take your hands; you let him talk and you let him slide the ring on your finger. You’re locked into your life the second he finishes; he looks as unhappy as you feel at that moment.

Then it’s your turn; everyone’s watching you. They’re waiting to celebrate not only the marriage of the prince but the consolidation of power that will become their king and queen. But, not a single one knows you’re anxious about the words you're expected to say.

All eyes turn to you as your turn to repeat the words spoken moments beforehand comes, holding Sakusa’s hand in yours whilst you wait for the moment to slide the ring on his finger; the cold metal matches the rough man who’s not so much as smiled at you from the moment the doors opened.

You can hear the minister speaking even though you don’t register the words, meaningless words you’d practised a hundred times under the order of your mother, words that would have once spluttered from your mouth through your amusing nerves and had your heart racing. Yet, now, they left you numb and full of regret. Had all those years you’d given him, all the emotions you’d once thought you shared, been some sort of game? Or had he let you think he felt something towards you just so he could fulfil the duties placed on him by his father?

Taking a deep breath as the silence falls amongst the hall, as it had when Sakusa spoke his vows, and you prepare yourself for what was beginning to shape the rest of your life. “I y/n l/n take you, Sakusa Kiyoomi,” meeting his eyes for just a second you feel yourself begin to falter, staring at the man who, for just a split second, held a soft expression on his face. You lose sight of it just as quickly as you had noticed it, watching him as he turns from the young man that had been by your side; the man that had made you feel as though you were more than enough for anyone, to the stranger that had returned.

The moment passes and the light fades as you open your mouth to continue, “to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward,” with him in front of you; with the hopeful eyes of everyone watching, you’re left with nothing other than a bitter taste in your mouth.

“for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,” you let your eyes drift to your parents, sitting beside Kiyoko, and your mother’s beaming smile urges you on with no care for what you want. She sits, expectant, waiting for the opportunity to call her daughter the princess, waiting to be known as the woman who was successful in making her child the future queen.

No matter how much you had told her you wanted anything else for your own life.

With your attention back to the man in front of you, you continue. “in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,” You allow yourself to entertain the thought of just what type of person Sakusa would be in those situations. Wondering if he’d warm to you again, just as he did when you were younger, or if he’d show more of the man he’d seemed to have become. Would he care or would he leave you to feel alone in the palace through the moments you needed someone with you most?

“till death do us part,” The question of his loyalty had never come to your mind, you knew how he was raised and you knew how he felt about mistresses. You were all he would have be it willing or not.

“according to God’s holy law.” Uttering the words feel almost blasphemous, in a place of worship shared with a man you had long since lost any loving feelings. Words that most would believe were shared between lovers, young adults that had waited for this moment since they were children, unaware of the loss you feel thinking about the man that once took claim of your heart.

You hold the ring in your hand, delicately lifting it so you can slide it down his slender finger, trapping yourself with the final words you speak, mouth dry and voice shaking, enough to be misconstrued as nerves, as you do so.

“This is my solemn vow.”

#𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝑒𝒸𝒽𝑜 ༉‧₊˚.#haikyuu #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa angst #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa x reader

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ginmoonnet · 3 months

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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Promise ︴˚࿔₊•

[Wanderer 🐈‍⬛]

Summary: Missing someone is difficult, and trying to forget is not easy either. (／_＼)

Genre: Kinda angst(? Idk it has some

♡︎ Wanderer x fem! Reader (I tried to make it gn! Reader but failed miserably, srry)

Note: Use of “Kuni/Kunikuzushi” referring to Wanderer

It's been about a few months since the two of you broke off any kind of contact.

You can still remember the last time you saw each other in person before what happened, you can even feel his warm hug before leaving saying that you would see each other soon, his image is still projected in your head waving his hand saying goodbye to you with a smile for What would seem like just a few weeks, nothing that hadn't happened before... that's why that last call impacted you so much.—Let's break up—. He blurted out abruptly, not even deigning to give you a coherent explanation. You laughed, thinking it was a joke, but the silence on the other end of the line stopped you in your tracks.—What? What do you mean?—. Another silence; It was true that the last few days they had been having disputes but you didn't think it was that serious.— You’re joking, right? You can’t be for real…Kuni?—. However, you didn't have time to ask anything else since after hearing the beep when hanging up the call he had already blocked or at least deleted you from most of his social networks and you didn't muster the courage to say anything else either.

That's how you didn't call him for sixty days. You felt empty, cold, you even considered finding some vice to distract yourself from that feeling... which you discarded for obvious reasons. Still, you felt like all your attempts to resist calling him or even thinking about it were going down the drain in a matter of seconds, one after the other.

You tried to excuse him, to excuse yourself so you wouldn't feel so guilty in case you lost to yourself and went after him once again. “Maybe he's confused”, “I should call him, it's probably all a misunderstanding”, “we can solve it together”, but you better than anyone knew that it wasn't true and even if they managed to talk, the damage to what they once had was done, which, although it took you a while, you ended up accepting... or so you believed until you couldn't resist it anymore that cold and lonely night.

You waited for a while, feeling more and more regretful with each beep your cell phone made as you waited for him to answer.

When you were just about to chicken out and hang up, you heard a voice on the other end of the line.—…Y/N?—. You felt a lump form in your throat, you could almost see how your nose began to turn red and your eyes glazed over.—I…I'm sorry—. You responded, almost in a whisper.—It’s…okay, Y/N—. He said, no, it wasn't right and he should know it perfectly, right?.—I did it accidentally, it's just... today I saw someone who looked like you and... I thought maybe it was you but…—. Your voice was cut off for a moment, you swallowed heavily and continued.—But you're not here and that's none of my business anymore, I know, it's just that I couldn't help it, I wanted to say hello to you, to know if everything was okay, if You were fine, just that...—.

Kunikuzushi remained silent throughout, letting you talk like he always did, like he always did until that last call. Remembering it made you shed some silent tears, why?. Why, if that time he forced you to swallow your words and doubts, why didn't he did it again? Why did he seem to try to empathize with you? Did he feel sorry for you? for you?. That last thought was the one that gave you the courage to direct your index finger to that red button on the screen but his voice stopped you.—Don't worry, I'm fine... How…how have you been?—. He asked, in the warmest way he had spoken to you in months.

Your chin began to tremble and tears fell uncontrollably, making your head throb.—Kunikuzushi I'm going to hang u…—. You couldn't finish your sentence because he interrupted you without warning. —I'm sorry, Y/N—. A muffled sigh escaped your lips, as if it had been trying to escape from your throat for some time now..—What…?—.

—It wasn't your fault, none of this was your fault, it's just that, I was afraid and I acted without thinking. I was not going through my best moment and I hid it from you for months but I simply couldn't take it anymore, I didn't have the courage to explain myself to you at that moment and I hurt you but that was never my intention, quite the opposite…—. He answered you, calmly, although you could hear the remorse in his voice.—A-after a few days I thought about confessing everything to you, but with what face would I go and explain to you?! After all…the damage had already been done and I thought that not talking to you anymore would be better than trying to clean up my mess, y’know?—. He explained, after that and awkward silence didn’t hesitate to get in the conversation.

—…I waited—. You confessed.—Huh?—. He blurted out, somewhat disconcerted.— I waited, days, weeks and then months. I waited for a call or I don't know, maybe a message?, Any sign that all this could be a mistake... but they never came, Kunikuzushi, they never did—. Silence, the boy didn't know what to respond so you continued.—There are still days that I wish this was all a bad dream, you know?...ha...Even in the mornings when I wake up, I find myself hugging a lot of pillows like I hugged you, but it's not the same and it's sad because I feel like I'm the only one still clinging to the othe—.

—Me too, to be honest—. The blue-haired man stated.

—Huh?, what do you mean?—. You asked.—I also think about you, a lot. I also imagine you with me sometimes…but it's not the same, and it’ll never—.

—Be the same—. You responded.—Yes…—. He confirmed.

After a silence that felt strangely comfortable you spoke again.—So, what now?—. You weren't sure what to do, you wanted to see him, hug him, although, was that really what you wanted?. You were beginning to believe that kicking him to get paid for what he had done to you was also a great option.—I have no idea—. He responded, laughing a little to himself which you also did.—…Thank you for calling me—. He said with regret. You processed his words before responding.—Thank you for responding—. So they both laughed a little again before another silence appeared.

Even when those chuckles and giggles were recents they felt somehow nostalgic for some reason. After a while they both fell silent once again.

—Hey Y/N—. He called you by your name, like he always did.—Yes, Kuni?—.He laughed at the nickname, he hadn't heard it in a while and he was starting to miss it.—I still love you—. You thought for a moment before answering.—Yeah…me too—. You sighed.

Even though y’all had just declared your love after so long, those words felt more like a farewell and, for some strange reason, this time you felt calm.

—I think I'm going to love you for the rest of my life...can I?—. He asked with some shyness and uncertainty. You scoffed at his words and the tone of voice with which he recited them.—Good night, Kuni—. Even though you couldn't see him, he smiled at your words.—Sweet dreams, Y/N—. My dear Y/N…

A/N: TMI!

-NYEHEHRHEHEHE 😼😼😼😼

-I’ll be honest with y’all. I wanted this to be breathtaking, heartbreaking, so sad, horrible miserable, but I didn’t felt like crying that day so ur welcome ig LOL

-It may look as if I was working on everything but the fic that I started and haven’t realized the second part haha hehe hoho…and it’s partially true (I will upload it, someday, I swear) BUT I already got the Xiao and Wanderer one shot finished a while ago and the only thing I did was translate so yeah.

Kisses hugs.

—Moonヽ(^‥^=ゞ). ミ★

Masterlist for other works!

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novlr · 2 months

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I have so many story ideas but I can't just write them. Moreover, coming up with tye plot is what I struggle with. I know my idea, but where do I start it, or when do I end it. My ideas are mostly YA romance but I don't know how to make the story more interesting then a simple Fall in love story.

You have a notebook full of amazing YA romance story ideas, but when you sit down to write, you struggle to turn those concepts into well-structured plots. You want to write stories that are deeper than just “boy meets girl, they fall in love.” But how do you take your ideas and flesh them out into interesting, multi-dimensional narratives? Many aspiring writers get stuck at the plotting stage. The good news is there are some key strategies you can use to build your ideas into rich, engaging plots that will keep your readers turning pages!

Start with a central conflict

Every good story needs a central conflict that drives the plot forward. In a YA romance, this is usually more than just “will they or won’t they get together.” Think about what is keeping your characters apart. Some ideas:

They’re from different social circles or cliques at school

Their families disapprove of the relationship for some reason

One of them is already in a relationship

There’s an imbalance of power or popularity between them

They have opposing life goals or plans for the future

They have clashing beliefs, values, or cultural backgrounds

Develop your main characters

Compelling characters are the heart of any good story. In a YA romance, you need at least two well-developed main characters that readers will root for. Here are some ideas:

Give them unique personalities, quirks, talents, flaws, and backstories

Develop their individual goals, motivations, and fears – what do they want and why

Highlight the ways they are similar and different from each other – what attracts them, and what causes friction?

Have them make difficult choices throughout the story that reveal their true character

Give them opportunities to be brave, vulnerable, kind, and selfish – let readers see all their sides

Avoid clichés unless they serve the characters or the story

Use the supporting cast

Don’t just focus on the two main characters. Develop an interesting supporting cast of friends, enemies, family members, teachers, etc. Here are some ideas on how to utilise supporting characters:

Have them provide advice, support, or a listening ear for your main characters, helping them navigate their feelings and conflicts

Use them to introduce new complications or obstacles in the main relationship, like disapproval, jealousy, or misunderstandings

Let them be comic relief or a source of levity to balance out the heavier emotional moments in the story

Have them act as foils to your main characters, highlighting their strengths and weaknesses through contrast or comparison

Give them their own subplots and character arcs that intersect with and impact the main storyline

Use them to raise the stakes by putting them in danger or jeopardy as a result of the main characters’ actions or choices

Raise the stakes

Think about how you can raise the stakes throughout the story to keep readers engaged. What’s at risk if the characters don’t get together?

Put the relationship at risk — make them choose between love and something else important to them (family, friends, dreams, etc.)

Introduce a ticking clock element — give the characters a limited time to overcome the obstacles or make a crucial decision

Have actions or choices unintentionally hurt each other or the people they care about

Raise the external conflicts to be life-or-death, not just inconveniences – put characters in physical danger as a result of the romance

Reveal new information that changes everything the characters thought they knew, forcing them to question the relationship

Make the characters sacrifice or lose something important to be together, and make them grapple with whether it’s worth the cost

Add twists and turns

Don’t let your plot be too predictable. Throw in some unexpected twists and turns in the relatinoship to keep readers on their toes. Some examples could be:

Reveal that one someone has been keeping a major secret that changes the relationship when revealed

Have a supporting character turn out to be working against the central relationship for their own reasons

Introduce a love triangle, forcing the main characters to question their feelings

Reveal a shared history or connection they didn’t know about, casting the relationship in a new light

Have the characters break up or be separated due to a misunderstanding or outside force

Include a major plot twist that isn’t directly related to the romance, but that impacts the characters and their relationship in a significant way

Create a satisfying resolution

Ultimately, readers want to see the characters end up together (it is a romance, after all). But that doesn’t mean the ending has to be all sunshine and rainbows. Here are some ideas for a satisfying resolution:

Have the characters end up together, but make them earn their happy ending by overcoming the conflicts and growing as individuals

Show how the relationship has transformed the characters for the better, and how they’re now stronger together than apart

Resolve the external plot conflicts in a way that feels authentic and earned, not just convenient or contrived

Give the characters a moment of romantic triumph where they declare or demonstrate their love in a meaningful way

Hint at the future and the challenges they may still face, but make it clear they’ll face them together

Leave the reader feeling like the characters are going to be okay, and that their love story will continue beyond the final page

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abattre · 2 months

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It's actually so disappointing that Naruto's narrative took the route that it did. Kishimoto created an incredibly interesting world and premise, and ruined it by having everything amount to a shallow message of forgiveness that undermines almost every meaningful element in the story. And it's like,, I want to appreciate the world outside of the plot, but the moral framing of the story makes it virtually impossible because of how disingenuous it is. It completely undermines the audience's understanding of the tragedy and horror of the world so that Naruto becoming Hokage and being the most powerful person in the world by the end doesn't come across as distasteful as it actually is.

Like it's made abundantly clear throughout the story that the village system, and Shinobi society as a whole, is incredibly flawed. Kishimoto goes out of his way to show us that Konoha's council is made up of objectively horrible people. We see first hand how the council's short-sighted ideas of what 'protecting the village' means results in devastating tragedy for people both in Konoha and outside of it. It's clear in how Danzo and the rest of the council act that their atrocious behaviour is them just blatantly abusing their power to maintain their authority. The council has no remorse in anything they do; human experimentation, genocide, slavery, and blatant exploitation is all fair game to them if it preserves their status quo. And instead of maybe, like, addressing Konoha's skewed morality in a sensible way and setting the village up for reform, the narrative just tries forcing the audience to perceive Konoha's genuinely heinous actions as necessities. Which, you know, will work when you're like 8, but once you've grown up and developed some reading comprehension and critical thinking,,, it just feels annoyingly manipulative.

At its core, Naruto is a story that attempts to deconstruct morality. Like this is abundantly clear in how Kishimoto is constantly paralleling the dichotomy of good and evil literally every chance he gets. In the end though, this dichotomy just doesn't work in the context of the Naruto story because the narrative framing of the village being the good guys is just hysterically ridiculous. Konoha is an awful place, that does awful things, and is run by awful people that refuse to change anything because it benefits them for the village to remain awful forever. To anyone with a developed sense of media literacy the village cannot in any way be framed as morally good, so when the story resolves itself with Naruto becoming next in line to govern Konoha under the same unchanging authoritarian regime, with the same council supporting him because of his sheer physical prowess and complete dedication to their twisted ideology,,, it's honestly just an incredibly underwhelming conclusion to a story that made itself out to be more profound than it actually is.

If I had to guess, I imagine Kishimoto just didn't think through how negatively the world he created would reflect on the plot. Ultimately though, you can't write a moral story that's so deeply entrenched in real world social inequity and decide halfway through that because you don't know how to fix these things your story's going to have to be about how they're actually okay to be doing and perpetuating,,, like that is awful and also a terrible lesson to impart on an audience of children. With how serious the issues are in Shinobi society, trying to resolve things with the power of friendship was always going to fall flat. These broad scale injustices can't be brushed aside in that way without undermining their severity and diminishing the understandable impact they had on the characters that experienced such extreme oppression. That's essentially the trap that Naruto's conclusion falls into though, and so the story just ends up feeling incomplete and unfulfilling because none of the issues brought up are actually addressed or discussed with the gravity they deserve.

#i guess kishimoto was hoping the aliens would distract us or something #i love the naruto world but i can't stand the pro-konoha rhetoric like it's just so bad #anti konoha #anti naruto ending #anti shinobi system #pro uchiha #pro sasuke uchiha #pro neji hyuuga

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ghostlynachopanda · 1 year

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The Walk

a/n: powers are based on Megumi from jjk but without cursed energy cause that's hard to explain. threw in some mythology names too. all my writing is a one-and-done thing, not proofread or edited. I'm still trying to get used to tumblr. anyway here's the next part

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x reader

words: 3.2k

~~~

The snapping of branches and the crunching of leaves is the only thing you can hear. It's cold, and the wind stings against your ears and hands, but it doesn't bother you. It seems there's no end to the woods, each step shows only more trees. You would consider it peaceful if there weren't angry footsteps behind you, snapping the branches and crushing the leaves in the way. Your classmate, Wednesday, is seething. You could feel the anger rolling off of her and hear it in her footsteps. You were sure if you turned around you would see her hands balled into fists with her jaw clenched so tight to the point you'd be worried about her teeth.

You keep walking in silence, not knowing whether to start talking now or wait until you find a spot you can sit. You don’t know how to approach the situation, how to talk to Wednesday. There are a lot of factors at play, and thinking about all of them makes you feel dizzy. You don’t know which cards to play to get the results you want. You're having second thoughts about how you want this to end. There's a harsh tug on your sleeve, forcing you to turn around and face the person consuming your thoughts.

"I want answers, now" well, someone's impatient.

You give yourself a moment to take everything in, your surroundings coming first. There's still some sunlight out, creating beautiful colors with the leaves and casting enough shadows for a comfortable feeling. You've always felt a sense of comfort in the dark, but that might just be your powers. Next is Wednesday, and you were right. Her eyes were trained on you, her hands balled tightly into fists and her jaw is clenched. The undivided attention makes you flush, the chill breeze no longer having an impact. Her gaze made you feel exposed, it feels as if there was nothing hidden from her. Her eyes exposed her too though, you could easily see the anger. But, there was another thing swimming in those dark eyes. Maybe you knew what card to play after all,

"What is it you want to know?" Wednesday's eyes traveled to your lips for just a fraction of a second. There's a slight upturn to your lips, something she doesn’t get to see often. She liked the way your lips curled around your words, liked the way your lips looked in general. She decided that a long time ago. Wednesday will know everything about you by the time this is over; she was going to wring you dry, whether you wanted it or not.

"Everything." with that you sigh, Wednesday must like giving you vague questions and answers. You, once again, don’t know how to respond. Maybe being alienated by the school did decrease your social skills. Tilting your head and slightly furrowing your eyebrows, hoping she'll throw something else in. Much to your chagrin she doesn’t, is this what it's like on her end when you don’t speak? If it is, man this sucks.

"Ask away," your response has her slightly smirking, everything was going according to her plan.

"I want you to tell me about your powers," Wednesday has always been curious about your powers. If what you told her before was true, then it has nothing to do with cold weather. She is hoping your powers will reveal a little bit about you as a person. There's a possibility that your powers are linked to your personality, she isn't going to rule it out until she knows for sure. Her eyes haven't left you, watching the way your eyes close and your shoulders sag with a sigh.

"Would it be alright if I show you before explaining? It's a bit easier that way," you were sheepish, not exactly planning for a show and tell when you left the Weathervane. You took a step towards one of the shadows and looked at her. Her eyes were wide with curiosity as she saw you touch the shadow and then put your hand through it. When she saw you reaching for something she walked over, she was upset that she couldn't see into the shadow with the new angle. But then you pulled out a katana and handed it to her. Wednesday couldn’t stop the next question, "Do you have more weapons in there?"

"Of course," Her question makes you chuckle, curiosity is cute on her. There's a handful of weapons in there, ranging from short to long-range. Wednesday doesn’t know, but you're quite skilled in handling weapons. There's a lot Wednesday doesn’t know about you. You watch her softly as she unsheathes the katana and looks at it carefully. Then she runs her finger across the blade and you decide that's enough, "alright, let me put that back and show you what else my powers can do."

Taking the katana away and turning back to a random shadow to put it back where it belongs. Wednesday's eyes flicker from the cut on her finger to you, why would you hide this from her? What else can your powers do? Does it work with any shadow at any location? Does it have a range limit? Could you move someone through the shadows too? Your words break her from her thoughts, "Wednesday, I promise to answer all of your questions. Just let me show you first to see if it'll knock out some of your questions, okay?"

She nods, not finding words to say. Had she said all those things out loud? Wednesday would be embarrassed if she wasn’t so focused on you. She watched everything you did, watching your muscles twitch and your chest rises and fall with the intake of oxygen. She watched as your hands formed a shadow puppet in the shape of a dog, why are you doing shadowgraphy at a time like this? Her question is answered when a wolf forms out of your shadow. It stalks up next to you and Wednesday is hit with a wave of protectiveness. However, when you wave her off and start to pet the wolf she calms down a little. Still cautious as she observes it, the black fur doesn't reflect any light, making it look pure black. Next is the symbol on its forehead, red lines in the shape of a triangle with circles on the points. Last is how big it is, even sitting it's taller than you; proving how powerful it is with just the size of its paws.

"This is Erebus, he's one of my smaller assets," you explained. You knew she had some questions swimming around in her head, but you didn't feel like explaining just yet. This was your time to show off. You were never ashamed of your powers, there was just hardly a time to use them. Besides, what's the harm in impressing your classmate? You're allowed to show off every once in a while, right? But, what if Wednesday doesn't find it intriguing? There's always that chance of disappointment, and right now you wanted her to be impressed more than anything. Erebus sensed your distress and nuzzled his head into yours as an act of comfort.

"May I touch him?" that caused you to whip your head up to look at her. Wednesday actually wants to pet him? Sure, Erebus is nice but usually when people see him they freak out. Erebus deserves some attention anyway, you give her a nod and turn back to Erebus to signal him to walk over to her. Wednesday notices that his steps are silent despite his size; he comes to a stop in front of her, towering over her, and stares down at her. Not looking as friendly as he did with you, but the danger makes this whole situation fun. Wednesday reaches a hand out to touch the marks on his forehead, wanting to know what they are and what it feels like. Erebus lowers his head so it's easier for her, he starts to wag his tail slightly when he feels her touch is delicate. Wednesday starts to feel bold, reaching for the jaw and inspecting his teeth. While she's doing this she asks, "You said he was one of your smaller assets. How many do you have and how big are they?"

"I have another wolf like him, but that one is white. Currently, I have 8 different kinds and the biggest is pretty dang big. The smallest one sits about a head shorter than you Wednesday." you reply, watching as she moves to feel Erebus' ribs. He seems content, fully relaxed in her presence. Your eyes soften, it's been a while since Erebus has been able to fully relax. Maybe you could keep Wednesday around for his sake. You know he would enjoy having her around, and you know you would too. Maybe Wednesday could make the others relax like that too, maybe they'd enjoy her presence like Erebus. Wednesday's words got caught in her throat when she saw how you were looking at her. Your smile was gentle, your eyes even more so. It's the first time she's ever seen you look like that, look at her like that. Wednesday would never admit it, but she wants you to look at her like that all the time. She clears her throat before speaking,

"Can you have more than just one out at a time?" snapping you out of your little trance. You focus back in on the two of them. Erebus' attention was now fully on you while Wednesday was fully focused on him. Clearing your throat, afraid of choking up from embarrassment,

"Yes, each of them is good at different things. Pairing them up isn't uncommon though, they can back each other up if necessary. Though, each of them takes energy. It's easier to have the weaker ones pair up since they take less energy." you explained while she turned to look at you. Wednesday could feel Erebus huff, shaking off her hands and watching him stomp over to you, footsteps are still silent as ever. She watched as he whined to you, not understanding what he was saying. "Come on now, you know Titan is my strongest. Just because he's the strongest doesn't mean he's useful in every situation." Erebus whines some more, Wednesday tilts her head slightly. Your attention is fully on the wolf now, chuckling at whatever he was saying. "Titan is too big to use in most situations, he'd absolutely destroy everything within a 50-mile diameter. Titan is my 'I die, you die' card, you know that." you laugh.

Wednesday has to bite her tongue, she doesn't see what's so humorous about that. Wednesday has always welcomed death, never been disturbed by the thought of it happening to her or others around her. But just the thought of it happening to you - the knowledge that you’re aware that this 'Titan' is your trump card - puts an uncomfortable weight on her chest. She can feel her heart physically hurt at the thought that you've almost met death. How many times have you had to use Titan? How many times have you been so close to death that you felt dying to win was your only option? Who threw you at death's door? If she asked, would you tell her? Would you let her get revenge for you if you hadn't done so already? Would you aid in her revenge?

"Wednesday?" her attention snaps back to you and Erebus. Both of you look at her with concern, Erebus taking initiative to walk over and check on her. Nudging her head with his, making a small sound of concern. Wednesday reaches up to pet his head, quieting the sounds of concern. She takes a moment to look around, noticing how it's almost dark. She notices how Erebus is providing her warmth, and she notices how she wished it was you close enough to share body heat. Wednesday decides it would be better to ask you those questions later. Breaking the silence, "Is there anything else you can demonstrate or can I start asking my questions?"

"Are you ok-"

"Yes, now answer my question." Wednesday's irritation confuses you. Did you do something wrong?

"Right, there is one thing left. It relates to the first thing I showed you, sorry I kind of did them out of order" you explained, a little embarrassed. There are enough shadows to obstruct your face but she can see your tinted cheeks clearly. She sees you lift your arm to rub at the back of your neck, slightly showing off the muscles you had. How had she not noticed them before?

"Well, let me go ahead and just - yeah," you said awkwardly.

Erebus stays by Wednesday's side, watching you walk over to a random shadow and disappear. She looks at the spot where you disappeared and then starts to look around. Is this how you disappeared the first time you met? How long can you stay in there before you need to come out? Can you take someone else with you? Before her thoughts could run more Erebus looked down, behind her at her shadow. She turns to see the top of your head pop out of it, you looked up at her and fully emerged. Nothing about your appearance changed, there were no rumpled clothes or blotches of dirt. You came out of it just like you went in. Wednesday's curiosity was getting the better of her, "Can I ask my questions now?"

"Ask away," you laughed.

"Is it possible for you to take someone into a shadow with you?" her unwavering gaze is on you again.

"I'm not sure, I've never attempted that. I hardly travel by shadows anyway." that’s a reasonable answer. Wednesday didn't get a hint that you were lying either. Maybe you will tell her everything she wants to know.

"Is there a limit to things you can store inside a shadow?" you have a feeling her questions won't stop anytime soon.

"Nope." you start walking in the direction of the school. When you don’t hear footsteps you turn around to look at her, eyes still on you. You motion her to walk alongside you, letting Erebus nudge her enough to get her walking in your direction. Wednesday takes your left side, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off of you, and have your hands almost brush. Erebus takes your right side, letting you pat the symbol on his forehead before disappearing back into the shadows. Before Wednesday can speak you say something, "Before you start asking more questions I'm going to answer the ones you asked earlier."

You don't turn to look at her, instead keeping your gaze on the trees ahead. You start walking again, this time Wednesday follows. "I've shown you everything my powers can do. It's just this, I can't make anything or manipulate them. Anywhere that has a ton of shadows works to my advantage. My locker of weapons moves with me, it'll be in any shadow that I choose. All of my assets are under my control, though some of them have an attitude. They will do whatever I say, no questions. Erebus can come out of any shadow I choose to, any of my assets can. As I said earlier, each of them takes energy so having more than three out can be tiring. There's a range limit for my reach, it's 300ft. Now, you can ask the questions you still have."

Wednesday takes a moment to process what you said, her steps didn't falter. You answered most of her questions about your powers with that explanation. There were still things she wanted to know about you as a person though, would now be the right time to bring them up? If you manage to escape then she can just kidnap you, she knows your powers and how they work.

"How many times have you visited death's door?", that question caught you off guard. Was she listening when you were talking to Erebus?

"Would you believe me if I said a lot?" you nervously chuckle out the response. That doesn’t make Wednesday feel better, doing quite the opposite. The weight on her chest only got heavier with your next comment, "If I'm being honest, I lost count a long time ago. I'm sorry I can't give you a concrete answer."

"If you even think about going to death's door I'll send you there myself." there it is, her famous threats. Though they no longer have an effect on you, it's nice to know she's back to being her normal self. The familiarity makes you smile, she's warmer than she was earlier.

"Of course, I wouldn’t expect any less." with Nevermore coming into view, Wednesday knew she was running out of time. There was still a good amount of time before actually reaching it, but the thought of running out of time before knowing everything was severely unpleasant.

"Do you actually think you have no warmth to give?", what? Your steps falter this time, quickly stuffing your hands into your pockets to hide your picking at your fingers. Why would she ask you a question like that? Releasing a mix of a huff and a sigh you keep walking, eyes forward the whole time. Talking about your feelings has never been something you were good at. It was something you avoided at all costs. Wednesday glances at you from her peripheral, she sees that same despondent look she saw when you brought it up the first time. She doesn't like it but before she can say what she's thinking you pipe in, "Aren't you tired?"

"Tired of what?" Wednesday is irritated with you for not answering her question.

"Of waiting. Aren't you tired of waiting for me?" your steps don’t stop. Seemingly picking up in pace, wanting to get out of this. Wednesday turns to grab your shirt, violently turning you to face her before getting close enough to intimidate you.

"You said you would answer my questions. I asked you a question and I expect an answer, don’t make me resort to violence." you lightly grab her hand and force her to let go of your shirt before gently returning it to her side. You take a step back before looking into her eyes,

"Yes, I think I have nothing to offer you. I think it would be best if we didn't speak, even if I do want to be around you. It's better for you to not realize how empty of a person I am." with that you turn and keep walking, not checking to see if she's following. Nevermore is in clear view, the short distance feels like it will take ages. After a moment you hear angry footsteps behind you, bracing yourself for what could happen next. You're not surprised when she grabs your shirt again or tugs you closer than before,

"Do not be a coward, you said you wouldn’t run. I want an answer; a proper answer. Now give it to me."

"Wednesday.." you sound pathetic. Your cheeks are darker than they were earlier, and your body feels like it's on fire despite the cold weather. This is all Wednesday's doing.

"We're finishing this conversation. Let's go." she lets go of your shirt to immediately grab your sleeve and drag you somewhere.

"Where are we going?" Wednesday considers not answering, but she had an inkling that if she didn't then you'd truly run away.

"My dorm."

tag: @myfturn

#wednesday addams x reader #wednesday x reader #wednesday addams

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creatingnikki · 6 months

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notes to self: existing delulu land edition

knowing yourself and your needs and accepting then instead of ignoring them or forcing yourself to change is the first step towards most of what you want. once you understand that, you can work around it, you can work with it.

your need is connections. human connections that are authentic and warm and present. you don't like people who are absent and those that are inconsistent in their communication. it makes you anxious and triggers your overthinking qualities. you want to feel secure in the connection you share with the person and presence, consistent communication, and actions aligning with words are the basics of that.

so you don't force yourself to not want connections. you just make sure your life is full of wholesome, fulfilling, beautiful ones. you pick the good ones and you say bye to the bad ones before they develop into sources of unnecessary agony and hurt. you realize how to limit the impact of a connection with someone and how to deal with disappointment.

feeling good about yourself and being at peace with yourself, at least a little bit, is what will help you have clarity about what you want in a relationship and in your life. because then you won't be using people and situations as maladpative coping mechanisms or a way to soothe your insecurities or fill holes instead of fix them.

what do you not feel good about right now? the lack of stability across most aspects of your life? you're working on it, I know. and it's hard, I know. but you have to continue. for yourself. and to also form the kind of connections that you seek the most with others in life.

you have to lower the volume of social media and all these cross connections. meme culture and reels and echo chambers that make you feel like being delulu is the only solulu and that everyone is depressed and everything is fucked and adulting is the worst. because the truth is that it may make you laugh and humour helps but subconsciously you start believing these narratives and then it becomes the normal. but when the fuck did it become okay to normalize feeling tired and sleepless all the time? girl dinner and sad boi hours? situationships and casual dating when such intimacy means something to you? if you were 19 maybe you could let all this be a part of your vocabulary and life. but at 26 when you're seeking a balanced, healthy, good life and future, you have to reduce your consumption of the internet content and really protect your brain.

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wolfnanaki · 11 months

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So. Goodbye Volcano High.

I've been following this game closely since it was first revealed at Sony's Future of Gaming event back in 2020. And after suffering delays brought on by the pandemic, a narrative reboot, and a years-long hate campaign, the game is steadily approaching its August 29th release date. And while I've posted a bit about it here, I haven't properly introduced the game to you all.

Set in a world of anthropomorphic dinosaurs, you play as Fang, a nonbinary pterodactyl and musician. Senior year has just started for them at Volcano High, and Fang's ready to go legit with their band Worm Drama. But their friends and bandmates, Trish and Reed, now have their own diverging interests.

For Fang, it feels like the world they knew is coming to an end.

Except it literally is.

There's an asteroid coming, one that will wipe out the dinosaurs in eight months. And as the day approaches and the threat of extinction becomes more real, Fang is forced to live boldly and make hard choices with the time they have left.

Fang will perform music throughout the game in the form of a rhythm game, and they show how Fang expresses their feelings throughout the narrative. The choices you make will impact the music they play, giving every playthrough its own unique soundtrack.

Of course, there are lots of other exciting activities. You can design your band's logos and posters. You can doomscroll on dinosaur Twitter. You can play TTRPGs with friends. You can check out other dinos' social media profiles. You can get Tarot readings. And your interactions with other characters can unlock past memories you can recall later.

But most important is the game's narrative system. Rather than choices being assigned to a simple button press, you have to move and hold the analog stick on the choice - and the game makes sure each choice feels like it matters.

Choices can have a visual effect to indicate Fang's state of mind. Choices can change before the timer runs out. Choices might require extra input to show how important committing to it is. And you can miss out on choices if you hesitate or wait too long.

This is a game that wears its queer heart on its sleeve with a plethora of gay, lesbian, bi, trans, and nonbinary characters. It has a story that encourages you to truly commit to your thoughts and feelings. Because you're not going to get the chance again. Every choice you make impacts Fang's relationships, music, and story.

There's eight months of your life left. What are you going to do with them? Fight tooth and nail to live your dreams? Patch things up with your family? Finally tell your crush how you feel? Spend time with your friends? Knock out your bucket list? Try to do it all?

Or is it better to leave everything unsaid?

If any of this sounds interesting to you, I highly encourage you to wishlist this game on Steam or on the PlayStation Store.

#Goodbye Volcano High #KO_OP #indie games #video games #long post #dinosaurs

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clonerightsagenda · 4 months

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Getting Involved Locally

Every time I see a post implying the only two politically relevant actions you can take in America are voting or not voting in federal elections, I tell myself I will make this post, so now I am finally doing it.

As an American, it can be frustrating and dispiriting to feel like we're being held hostage by our politicians while the United States continues to be one of the biggest forces for suffering on a global scale. This post is not about what we can do on that scale but instead suggests that, if you're feeling powerless and depressed about your national/international impact, you can take action on the local level. I got involved with a local activist group a few years ago, and we've been able to tangibly help people in our community, get genuine policy passed, and net some legislative wins. It's much easier to influence a smaller system, and a lot more rewarding than doomscrolling on social media.

Disclaimer: I am an American who lives on the outskirts of a fairly large city. This post reflects my experience and not everything in it may be applicable to yours. Take what is useful and leave the rest.

What's out there?

There are a variety of ways to get involved locally depending on your preferences. I'm going to lump them into a few categories:

Local government. City council, school boards, library boards, etc. Many of these orgs have open meetings and allow public comment. They're often sparsely attended and members are frequently elected by small margins, so they're far more likely to listen to what you have to say than federal legislators. Check out your home's website to see if you can find minutes and agendas to learn what they're discussing and how you can weigh in. Great choice if you want to develop a first name basis nemesishood with a local politician.

Volunteering. If you have low bandwidth and just want someone to tell you what to do, but would like to know your actions immediately benefit real people, volunteering gigs might be for you. Lots of organizations need help! Community kitchens, greenspace cleanups, giving immigrants rides to appointments, phonebanking, tutoring, supporting cultural centers, etc. Find orgs connected to something you're interested in and see what they need.

Organizing. Organizing involves long term work to build groups of people who can push for change. Outside of labor unions, there are tenant unions (renters pushing their landlords for better conditions) and groups organizing around a specific issue. (Off the top of my head, in my area I'm aware of multiple groups organizing around abolition/decarceration, minimum wage, environmental justice, transit, and reproductive justice.) These groups require more commitment, but that also means you'll have more input than showing up to volunteer for a nonprofit a few times a month.

(The group I'm currently involved with is organizing-focused, so if you're curious I'm happy to share more details of what that's like, I just don't want this post to be even longer.)

How can I learn about opportunities?

Word of mouth

Local government websites

Library, college, and community center bulletin boards

Local events (I tabled at a music festival last summer)

Protests and rallies

Local news outlets (might be covering actions, etc.)

Social media

Google (try 'mutual aid' and your location)

Start getting involved. I cannot express how much I've learned about the activist landscape in my city just from joining one org. Between partnerships, solidarity requests, etc., so many groups are now on my radar that weren't before. As I said before, I'm in/near a fairly big city, but you might be surprised by how much is going on where you are!

A note on self-interest

Something we talk about in organizing is self-interest. Why are you passionate about this cause? Why are you in this fight? Identifying your self-interest is important for a few reasons. First, it helps you convince other people to care. Second, it keeps you engaged. If you start volunteering out of a vague sense that you're 'helping', it's much easier to lose interest. If you recognize how winning this fight makes your life better, you're more likely to stick with it. I'm not saying you should only get involved in causes that immediately materially benefit you, but it's worth thinking about your personal stake so that you can return to that when you think 'ugh I don't want to get out of bed for this meeting'. You may have seen the quote credited to Lilla Watson and a group of other Aboriginal Rights activists: "If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together."

In conclusion

This is work. I've spent weekends in campaign retreats and driven 45 minutes across the city to make care packages. I am doing group projects and not even getting paid for it. But when you're frustrated with the state of the world, it's nice to be able to roll up your sleeves and make a visible impact on something you can control. It's also a great way to meet people irl who care about the same things as you and learn ways we can support each other when larger structures let us down.

As yet another American election season draws near with its avalanche of posts about voting, whether you intend to vote or post on tumblr about how much voting sucks or are a long-suffering non-American cursed to always see this shit, I challenge you to take a step* into your community and tackle a problem there. Who knows? You might even help solve it.

*Virtually if necessary. Many orgs try to be accessible. I attend many of my org's meetings on zoom!

#idk if this is actually helpful in any way #I'm happy to talk more about what being in an organizing-focused group has been like for me #also sorry I turned reblogs off bc I did not want this somehow turning into voting discourse

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aliennazero · 10 months

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hi, your yoshiden posts are making me go insane at midnight. thank you so much for the good food! i was wondering if you have any personal thoughts on the reason(s) why yoshida would be romantically interested in denji? (or have the potential to be?) and if you think there's anything in the manga so far that does/could point to that?

Thank you for your question, yoshyoshy! Sorry for my late responses.

About why Yoshida would be romantically interested in Denji... honestly I have no basis for that, it just from VIBES and my feelings alone like- In my eyes, they have this weird gay tension that's only shounen mc and his *completely opposite designed* "rival" could have.

HOWEVER when we talk about CSM style of foreshadowing, I think yes, their relationship progression is already hinted since chapter 103 and 104. We, as the readers, just don't know exactly how it will ends up to be. We have the puzzle pieces, but not knowing the bigger picture. It could be platonic, it could be romantic (either one sided or not).

CHAPTER 103 SYMBOLISM

In chapter 103, there's so many details set up for both of them that I will show one by one. May be a reach, but knowing Fujimoto, we can't really predict or ignore anything tbh.

When the crowd cheered for Chainsaw Man, Yoshida saw and interested in Denji only.

Yoshida seems to be more relaxed (leaning in) and comfortable sitting with Denji than Fami (in chapter 122).

There are metaphor using their drinks to showcase their personality. Yoshida is iced coffee: bitter, dark, tired, and more mature-like. Meanwhile Denji is orange juice: sweet, sour, and more childish-like. Both standing next to each other (with height differences too). Which is very cute in my opinion.

Lastly, the famous background scene full of paintings with each different objects and symbols. Which I might try to debunk later on, but it's for another post.

CHAPTER 104 REVISITED

Now we go to the next "foreshadow" chapter, which is my personal favourite because we get teased by the probability of new trio. But we will focus on yoshiden this time.

"I'll stop you by force if I have to." Yeah, he already did. But what interesting about that is, he never *actually* try to hurt Denji. He always try to minimize the impact of his force method and tries to make Denji understand (the problem is, Yoshida is really just that BAD at giving reasonings and excuses).

Yoshida's memory is hinted to be weirdly strong. He remembers so many details even from small talks months ago, talking about Denji and "10.000¥ is 10.000¥"

"If there's anything I can do, I want you to come to me" has the same energy with "It's save through cloth, right?". It's not just a random empty words. It must be relevance in the future, right? RIGHT???

IN MY CONCLUSION

I think that's it. If you think there's more evidence to foreshadow their relationship, feel free to discuss about it! For me personally, their dynamics is very interesting and it would take much more effort to develop them into nothing than something.

I am VERY positive that their relationship would go deeper beyond what we have now. Honestly let's be real, it would be more interesting if their relationship develops romantically. Not only it would break shounen rules, but it also will be a major character development for both Yoshida and Denji. And apparently it suit the subplot we had right now, conforming your real identity. However I don't hate the idea of them being platonically too.

Also their dynamics goes from "haha funny comedic duo with gay jokes sprinkles" to "I could see you for who *you* are, but our traumas and our limited social abilities has shaped us to threaten each other, we understood everything yet we understand nothing (also let's blame the government)" in exactly 30 chapters after their first meeting in part 2, crazy.

#yoshida #yoshida hirofumi #denji #yoshiden #yoshida x denji #chainsaw man #chainsaw man part 2 #analysis? kinda #more like my ramblings but it will make sense one day TRUST

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awesomefringey · 1 year

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I hate cbo, I followed them when I was just a baby larrie and it took me a while to realize they were trolls, I always hate that experience.And every time I see the CBO name, I feel like a fool for believing them for a short time. I wish someone had told me before I wanted to join the fandom, if you care about your mental health, just go to Tumblr, If you want to be a fool, go to insta, twitter and tik tok. The experience of being in this fandom can be unpleasant if you can't choose the right side to be.

I feel like there is a part in this fandom that is in general very hyper yet super unfocused and definitely not very rooted into their beliefs or the community. This kind of crowd is basically around for the scavenger hunt, follows and monitors beards, looks into all social media presences of anyone who has met the boys or worked with them, read everything as a signal to them, and make everything a conspiracy theory around how L/H will come out and expose the music industry. They also waste their times on trolls like CBO because it feeds their constant need to push their anxiety levels up.

These people are most likely to leave this fandom over a stunt or not getting enough "Larry proof" so they must have broken up. They also realize they are wrong all the time with their predictions so they come to the conclusion ALL they thought was real has been a delusion. Some even stay around to make their grand exit to become an anti or a rad, depending who of the boys they are more willing to forgive for their deceiving.

I think the pandemic definitely had a real impact on the environment in the fandom. I don't know if I would still be around if I had only been on Twitter. The way Twitter forces you to digest information and basically forget about it the next second, makes the whole fandom experience meaningless to me. I'm also verrrry glad I made real connections early on. The friendships I formed on here, truly make it all worth it.

#ask #fandom experience

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eos0anemone · 7 months

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Analysis: Genshin Impact Autistic characters - KOKOMI

This is going to be a section in my blog talking about which Genshin characters I think fit very well inside the autism spectrum. If we know Hoyoverse's record, we know that they're not autism friendly (*cof cof* cure for autism in Tears of Themis *cof cof*) but well, neurotypical people accidentally writing neurodivergent characters happens a lot, and at the end of day, it is free to our own interpretation how we see them.

I want to open this section with my favourite Genshin character: Sangonomiya Kokomi. I relate to her a lot (partially the reason why I'm convinced she's autistic) but keep reading if you want to know specifically why I think she is.

INTRODUCTION

Kokomi is a 5 star character, Hydro catalyst from Inazuma. Lorewise, she is Watatsumi's Divine Priestess; in other words, the leader of Watatsumi Island, a small town that relies a lot on fishing and agriculture to subsist.

In terms of 'waifu-uwu', Kokomi is your average overworked waifu who shows a shy demeanor, steady leadership but delicate presence. Is very feminine presenting, has a quirky military side and shows a soft spot for traveller, probably because she falls in love with him too (and yeah, I talk specifically about Aether because we know who thinks this way). A lot of western people, especially men, also reduce her to this stereotype common in Genshin Impact women.

However, we can take some more steps and see in depth everything that Kokomi has to offer.

HYPERFIXATIONS

One of the aforementioned cliches is actually true: Kokomi is an overworked woman, but not in the same way as Ganyu or Keqing, for example. While they overwork themselves because they seem to enjoy being occupated or feeling useful, Kokomi's job is a responsability that she actually doesn't wan't: just by reading her voice-overs (More About Sangonomiya Kokomi: IV), we discover that what she really wanted to do was study military strategy and become an adviser.

And this is one of the most interesting points about Kokomi: she loves military strategy. While some people reduce it to a quirky trait, I think it can be clearly interpreted as an autistic hyperfixation. Not only Kokomi is presented to us as a girl who is an expert on this field (Archon quest was so horribly written that it doesn't do her justice, but canonically she is very smart and a strategy master), but she also tells us on voice-overs that she loves military books the most (Chat: Reading), and wanted it to be her full-time job.

The least we can say is that it is her passion, one that fuels her motivation so much, just like how autism or writing fuels mine to the point of wanting to work on that field and enjoying it on my spare time or when I'm regulating myself.

BURNOUT AND MASKING

In relation to the last point, there's another reason as to why Kokomi preferred to be a military advisor rather than the island leader: social interaction.

As stated in both voice-overs and her quest, social interaction exhausts Kokomi to the point she 'gets negative'. She also tells us (Sangonomiya Kokomi's Troubles) that she's not good at communicating with others, and that putting on her Divine Priestess airs helps her with it. Kokomi is a clear case of a women who does masking in order to survive socialization with other people, and in this case, her being a figure of authority well-respected and loved by her people helps her a lot with the interactions she's forced to endure day by day. I see myself on this, because I too feel more at ease interacting with other people if I have a title that gives me clues about how others will be talking to me (being the class rep, an administrator...) but it still exhausts you, and usually it is even more tiring because you have to keep up to extra expectations. The 'getting negative' references being so burn out that you can't keep masking anymore, making you seem gloomy/uninterested/rude/clueless.

In Kokomi's quest Dracaena Somnolenta, we learn that when Kokomi is too tired of social interaction, she hides for a while on a cave where she sleeps and reads books in solitude. That is decompression. All autistic people need it to regulate their bodies and mind.

For Kokomi, this decompression time is very important, but also a secret she has. Social interactions represent a sensory overload for her, and we can see it on her dialogues during Dracaena Somnolenta, especially when we go find her to the cave:

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Oh... you noticed? I guess I haven't quite mastered the ability to hide how I'm feeling. I'll keep working at it... (masking)

Sangonomiya Kokomi: To be honest, I'm not really cut out to be a leader. At first, my dream was to read up on military strategy and perhaps become an adviser. (another hint to her hyperfixation)

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Constantly communicating with people, trying to retain their morale, having to read between the lines, making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve... It's such hard work. (more masking, she has to force herself to do all these things because it doesn't naturally come to her)

(...)

Sangonomiya Kokomi: So whenever I feel overwhelmed, I come here to just lose myself in a book and relax for a while... (decompression)

Kokomi also explains that she uses spoon theory to regulate her energy. Spoon theory is a method created by Miserandino and it is used to ration our energy during the day. So yeah, Kokomi literally uses for herself a method that is directed to disabled people; whether it is autistic individuals, people with chronic illneses and pain, etc.

In her case, she writes it on her diary, adding or substracting points according to the tasks she has done and the events that happened to her. Traveller, whether it be Aether or Lumine, seem to be an individual that Kokomi trusts and feels comfortable with; so much that their presence doesn't disregulate her, but actually does the opposite. I don't like to think of it as a romantic thing, but rather as a platonic neurodivergent bond that they both share with each other.

A cute detail is that she also speaks loudly about those energy points with people she trusts, like Traveller and Paimon. I think it's beautiful when neurodivergent people feel free to explain out loud the 'weird' things they do after enduring so much masking.

SENSORY REGULATION

Although I already touched the most important points as to why I think Kokomi is autistic, there are some others I want to emphasize, being one of them sensory regulation and disregulation.

Kokomi is clearly disregulated by social interaction, and uses reading books, resting alone and militar strategy as a decompression mechanism. She also enjoys diving, and as she says, it fills her heart with peace even if the world underseas isn't bright and sunny like the dry land. Water can be very pleasant for some autistic people due to the stimuli and the temperature (I, for example, love swimming but hate being wet and wrinkled afterwards), and I like to think that, when Kokomi is at her limit, she goes diving to calm her mind (this is a headcanon lol, unless I missed something on lore).

Kokomi also dislikes seafood (fish, crustaceans...) and it's funny because I also hate seafood due to it's texture and flavour. Her favourite food, Bird Egg Sushi, is described by her as both 'simple' and 'simple to prepare'. Now I could be analyzing too deeply, but autism and sensory problems with food usually go hand in hand, making us prefer the simplest food possible and avoiding dishes with too much things on them, strong flavours or unpredictable textures... So yeah, Kokomi also fits this.

JUSTICE AND MORALS

Kokomi is leader of Watatsumi Island and goes against the Vision Hunt Decree that Raiden Shogun imposes on Inazuma. As she states on her voice-over (About Raiden Shogun) she doesn't feel rightfully to categorize or criticize Raiden Shogun's actions as good or bad. However, as she fights against it for the welfare of her people, we can assure that she does fight back against things she considers an injustice, even if it burns her out; just because that's what is right.

She also shows a great worry about all her people. If it's raining, she thinks about the fishermans who may not be able to return. The soldiers that died under her charge are in her mind even when she has agreed to not talk about them out loud. That should ideally be the average prototype of a leader, but just by watching Raiden Shogun we can agree that it is, in fact, not it. Seeing Kokomi, a woman who dislikes social interaction and burns herself to fulfill her duty, being at the same time so empathetic, considerate and kind to her people is something I see in a lot of neurodivergent people. The urge to please and help others the best you can do, even if it means sacrificing yourself in the process; not healthy at all, but so pure at the same time.

Kokomi also says something interesting on one of her voice-overs (Chat: Fish) which is that 'respect must be given to the will of every creature'. It is no mistery that she loves sea creatures so much, and I also think that the reason she dislikes seafood is because of this same thought about respecting all lives in nature. Not a very important point, but worth to mention.

I think I covered all the points I wanted to talk about, but if I forgot about anything, I'll update the analysis and add it.

There are a lot of characters I want to talk about apart from Kokomi (Albedo, Alhaitham, Sucrose, Freminet, Fischl, Noelle, Chongyun, Shenhe...) but I will take it slow to bring them all here. Autism spectrum is so colorful and endless that each character has significant but different traits, and I'll cover them up little by little.

This is the end of the post, I will return tomorrow with more things to say.

But here's a little cute Kokomi ❤️

#kokomi #sangonomiya kokomi #genshin impact #genshin #eos #eos autism #autism #autism spectrum #neurodiversity #character analysis #autistic women #analysis of autistic genshin impact characters #asd #neurodivergent #burnout #sensory overload #eos video games

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identitty-dickruption · 1 month

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here for questions as it was invited by your post, and thank you because this topic is important to me i want to focus this on addiction but i want to admit that as a full grown adult who went to collage for psychology, worked in special needs and nursing homes so has seen a wide array of neurodivergencies in very intimate and real ways, AND as someone who has adhd and is partners with someone who was a higher needs autistic in their school days- i feel like i dont fully understand the strict differences between terms like i want to and the grey area really dose make my head spin often but in regards to addiction and how i experience it differently because in a way i feel an almost "immunity" with how my executive dysfunction can translate to "not able to maintain a pattern regardless if it is a constructive habit or addiction" watching my father struggle with alcoholism and it really takeing its always sunny to wake up to the fact that he even was one, i really want to understand what it means to be addicted better is it defined by its sunk cost? emotional emptiness? the damage done outward to others? or is it just the pattern. the way that i experience a hyper fixation with my adhd feels distinctive enough to prove that i can differentiate the two concepts per the entire point of your post, and then there are just paradigm shifts like how the only thing ive been accused of being addicted to has been "the computer" 20 years ago when we still had dial up. but ive been a strong advocate to how web designs especially for cell phones play into addictive tendencies with the biggest being short form content with the slot machine endless scroll feature. so the dangers TRUE addiction poses a unique threat in the attention economy functions today with tec and also how easy it is to get trapped in a social bubble making traditionally understood as addictive substances form even more tight knit communities to enable people and never realize they could be helped. its a problem i want to be vigilant of in myself and always help those i love through where it comes so i hope this message wasnt too long or overbearing i just am glad to see someone who knows firsthand about it who might be willing to talk more about it for education.

okay I finished answering this only for tumblr to reload and lose my progress so sorry if this comes across as overly abrupt. I’m not upset at you but I sure am upset at tumblr!

addiction is a complicated and multi-faceted issue. it’s not just the frequency of substance use and it’s not just the impact to life, it’s a lot of different things all at once. addiction tends to be broken into three parts: physical dependency, emotional dependency, and impact on life

physical dependency is your body becoming reliant on the substance. this looks like physical withdrawal symptoms (e.g. the shakes, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, etc)

emotional dependency is the result of extended use of a substance as a coping mechanism. this means that anything the substance was helping to cope with is going to come up in full force (along with added anxiety and anger from not having access to the substance)

impact to life really depends on the person, but this is all the external influences of addiction. struggling with employment, struggling with relationships, struggling to look after yourself and others, etc

all of these things will look different for different people and different substances. I am always wary of people trying to apply an addiction framework to non-substance use addictions. evidence around behavioural addictions is sketchy at best, and just do not have many of the features of addiction that I’ve struggled with the most

out of everything, the mechanisms of addiction are most similar to OCD, but with the additional challenges of physical dependency. for those who don’t know, the obsessive compulsive cycle is:

trigger

intrusive thought

obsessive thinking

compulsive behaviour

it’s a cycle because the more you do the compulsive behaviour, the harder it becomes to cope with that initial trigger in a healthy way. and that’s kinda how addiction functions, too. it just so happens that the compulsive behaviour is substance use. and that’s just not how other behavioural addictions tend to play out

beyond that, we have to consider the ways the word “addiction” is used politically. addiction is heavily stigmatised. addict is seen as a pejorative term, rather than a descriptive one. so even if you could say that phone use is similar in some way to substance abuse….. calling someone an addict for using their phone a lot comes with a lot of baggage and a lot of implications I am deeply uncomfortable with

the terms “phone addict” or “addictive technology” are not literal phrases, they’re metaphors. technology is being compared to substances, and use of that technology is being compared to addiction. and I think everyone needs to have a deep think about why it is that those comparisons are used. until addiction stops being demonised, it is not useful or helpful to be applying an addiction framework to situations where it doesn’t 100% make sense

I hope that helps and makes sense!

#asks #addiction #sorry for the long post #hope it helps

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elicathebunny · 2 months

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Be yourself.

I see too many kids transform themselves from sweet children who barely did anything wrong in class, to those mean and stuck up ones who constantly disrupt and are rude to teachers. I recognise that some people are just like this, but i’ve literally witnessed first hand people changing completely to get into/join that group. I was also one of those people and I was quickly humbled before things progressed too far 😭.

Here are some lessons I’ve learned from surviving a British public secondary school + other gained knowledge

1) You will find your group of people as long as you keep remaining yourself, these friends will be the friends you can be authentically you around

2) Don’t change yourself to be anything your not, this will not end well and invite company that you don’t even fit into

3) Keep being yourself and you will find like minded people, once you get to yr10 your friend groups will finalise and will most likely be smaller. The less friends you have, the more easier it is to connect and be yourself with

4) Look into possibilities of hobbies and interests to understand yourself better. Join clubs/extracurricular activities (in school or out of school). Research at home things you might possibly be into, learn new things online

5) Who cares if people look at you weirdly? Honestly if your having fun being yourself and people look at you strange for doing so then that is their problem (obviously within reason because sometimes ppl are just weird fr)

6) Care about your future, focus on what you want to achieve in the years to come. Don’t dumb yourself down for anybody, listen to your teachers when they are genuinely just trying to teach, don’t be difficult and stop others in the class from learning just because you don’t want to, don’t skip class (from year 9ish to 10 onwards, those years contain important content for your GCSE’s and missing out on those will impact your grades) don’t be like the kids from my school who celebrate having 1s (a grade one is a ‘U’ or ungraded, you need a 4 to pass)…

7) Have aspirations, don’t just aspire to do the lowest of jobs for simplicity or out of laziness. Strive to work towards your goals, have dreams! Keep motivated to do well, study and always aim high

8) Don’t do what you know you wouldn’t actually do if you didn’t feel pressured or influenced.

9) Don’t change yourself or stress about boys. The wrong ones are a waste of time and extra stress. Don’t force yourself onto anyone and I mean this because there are people who honestly are too obsessed for their own good with men and do not care if they are relationships or not 😭(you can tell I am a witness of this one). Honestly pray for the right one to come to you, no matter how long it takes, I promise one will just slide into your life just like that 😣 (Speaking from experience). Just be normal around them and if they don’t like you for letting out the side you only share when comfortable then they are not the one, trust

10) Find and invest in a unique personal style. This helps define you as a person, knowing what you truly like that isn’t sculpted by social media or heavily influenced by others around you (although it is perfectly fine to like those styles too! You can merge them to make them more you). This does take time though, break out of those aesthetic boxes and just wear whatever you like. Get Pinterest and put everything in a board so it’s easier to look at.

#self improvement #dream girl #self growth #student life

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anaalnathrakhs · 30 days

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it fucking breaks my heart i've been killing myself for months trying to repair my relationship w my parents and the three of us are just fucking deficient human beings. we're incapable of changing we're fucking incapable of it there's no going back everything was set from the moment i was born. they never should've had a child, but what the fuck could i blame on them? once the kid is here you just do your best you can't just decide it was a bad idea and get rid of it. they did their best. there's no good way to deal with a fucked up child. but holy fuck i wish i wasnt just idk born wrong. i wish life didn't suck and wasn't so hard. i wish when my mom said she'd take more time for family and relaxing she didn't go back to working until 8pm at least every day in the following month, but there's realities pushing her to. i wish when we saw each other we had things to do rather than just stare at each other awkwardly. i can't ever do anything because everything impacts my parents. and god knows i owe them to stop impacting them so much i did enough shit already. i can't enjoy a trip out with them because then we go home and it's MORE incredibly unsatisfactory socializing and forced eating lest they look at me like a monster. i can't leave because then it's WE leave not I leave. i can't just live my life after school because i have to be back to have the terrible binge-inducing dinner with them else i'm a fucking monster who makes them stay awake and worry at night. i have to make them aware of my every move because else they're gonna worry, i can't do that to them i have no valid reason to. i can't ever relax. i have no safe place anymore. there's always food in the house, we always have to go grocery shopping the same day and fill up the pantry. i can't buy anything substantial or component of a "normal" meal because then they just sit there while my mom never uses them despite knowing about them the whole time. there's been bricks of soup in the pantry for like two months she hasn't even MENTIONNED CONSIDERING THEM for the whole time. we bought, and i mean WE bought, WE took a couple canned vegetables from the shelves and we said good idea and we put them in the cart, and then she NEVER used them until i desperately broke the agreement that i was not to have control over what's for dinner and suggested we could perhaps maybe eat the food we had bought to eat, and she was like yeah sure great idea! we ate one can, and then for WEEKS afterwards we still don't touch any of the other cans. she keeps adding and adding and adding a billion things to every meal it makes me wanna rope. she keeps putting huge slabs of butter in pasta MOTHER it tastes the same except it's gross and five billion calories now can you stop doing that thanks. i've had my parents pretty much at my will for many many things all of my life, because they're completely floating in the meaningless void on what it means to be a parent, and it's just not healthy in ways i cannot possibly wholly imagine, and now we're stuck in some sort of circle that if i don't DEMAND something it's like i never said anything. but i can't DEMAND things because that is not a control a kid should have over their own parents and there's no nuance of possible things it's either they'll bend over backwards for even the most ill-advised demand or they will not budge an inch for the most structured three-parted argument doubled with the plead of my failing mental health even if it has demonstrably not worked before, and i certainly do not want to have a relationship with ANYONE where they feel forced to act a certain way because of me. and it's been so weird having developped this kind of very marked independance on like, DRIVE, while i was a neet, that now that i'm older and more legitimate to slowly leave the nest it feels incredibly weird and bad to entrap myself more closely instead.

so i keep trying to give them the elements of what consequences this or that thing has on me, and letting them evaluate themselves what they value, and so far the result has been that they don't give a shit about making me suffer, and they're completely cool with watching me act like i'm coked up in public bc i'm in pain or about to jump out of my skin in fearful anticipation of the next meal. i can handle myself all day and literally just ramble a little under my breath when we're going home at 9pm because it helps with the pain, and they're like "WHAT NOW we say something and you start sighing, what the hell did we do wrong this time??" which i guess is their genuine answer to the situation so i got what i wanted, i didn't control their reactions, but i guess it's pretty disappointing anyway.

and i can't really tell them because hey, how is that conversation gonna go? mom, dad, living with you is unbearable, all of my life you've done nothing but hurt me despite your best loving intentions, and i honestly don't think we're ever gonna fully repair that. cheers. i can't fucking do that to them. i've been the worst child to deal with my entire life i can't do that i just have to hold on until i move out anyway. it itches SO BAD to hurt them to blame them to throw every nasty thing i've ever wanted to yell at them to push them down the stairs and run away in the middle of the night. but i can't because they've done their best. genuinely. i wouldn't have handled it better if i had to parent kid-me. i don't think there's any right answer to a situation like that. i just can't wait until i can live for myself and not for walking around eggshells being the normal kid my parents never got to have now that i can force myself to. it feels like i try my best to give them respect and foster a good mutually-trusting relationship with them, and they don't give back anything different in return. and i do think part of that is that i'm WAAAAAY too in my own head about it and i have massive "nobody is allowed in the kitchen when i'm there" syndrome except my entire existence is the kitchen and anything i do besides "staying the usual unshowered neet disappointment in my room" being seen by my parents feels to me like if walking around naked in public. like how people ask out as a joke, like HA you really believe you could be more than a depressed piece of shit, but you're really nothing more than a pathetic failure barely keeping up the mask of a normal person. and that is totally my responsability to deal with except idk seems like every time i step out it turns out to be a disaster. and the coming down is even harsher, having to turn back into some featureless zombie picking and choosing what interests are undisruptive and inoffensive enough for me to tell my parents about it. i havent even managed to try to get into a sport club because the thought of my parents knowing this and that about my schedule and knowing i do sports and what sports i do and perhaps asking about it just makes my skin crawl. and i can't be spending their money, and i don't have a job, so.

they wont leave me the hell alone, and i can't refuse else i just become defined by my avoidance of them. it's rotting in my bed without any of the recharging. i don't fucking want to eat dinner with them, but else WHAT DO I DO? the kitchen is upstairs, upstairs is where they are, especially during dinner time but also they can hear i'm there if they're awake at home. and i owe them to spend that time bonding w them since we never did, and it's pretty much the only time my mom is home. i don't want to go with them to random events i don't really care about, because they're unenjoyable anyway since they're followed by MORE proximity and shit, but i kinda have to because i owe them that after i was nothing but a fucking emotional leech for my entire life, and also if i don't go to these events with them i go NOWHERE, cf the problem with my parents seeing anything about me mentionned above.

you might notice i've been saying "they" the whole time, rest assured, i mean my mom, or the united parental authority driven by my mom. i barely even have a dad anyway, i have a guy who lives in the same house and comes when my mom calls family reunion time, but spends his entire time every day following his own intellectual pursuits while floating through every actualy physical situation he's in. he barely listens. he barely reacts. he's not stupid or wholly incompetent, he functions alone pretty well, but in most situations in life he just stands to the side and goes "damn" whenever anything would require a reaction. i'm not really sure he fully realizes (or cares) that his actions impact other people. it scares me to be like him. i know how similar i am to him, and i really really hope i don't end up hurting anyone by being like that.

#vent #ed tw #broadcasting my misery #i can't stand not posting this bc i am fucking STARVED for feeling seen and understood #but dw guys it's cool if you have something to say but don't feel obligated it's already nice to know that hypothetically this is being rea #genuinely it does help #just knowing someone COULD read this #im going to try to find compromises and make this shit easier on both me and my parents #i swear #but i needed to vent

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