#just knowing someone COULD read this

[anaalnathrakhs]

it fucking breaks my heart i've been killing myself for months trying to repair my relationship w my parents and the three of us are just fucking deficient human beings. we're incapable of changing we're fucking incapable of it there's no going back everything was set from the moment i was born. they never should've had a child, but what the fuck could i blame on them? once the kid is here you just do your best you can't just decide it was a bad idea and get rid of it. they did their best. there's no good way to deal with a fucked up child. but holy fuck i wish i wasnt just idk born wrong. i wish life didn't suck and wasn't so hard. i wish when my mom said she'd take more time for family and relaxing she didn't go back to working until 8pm at least every day in the following month, but there's realities pushing her to. i wish when we saw each other we had things to do rather than just stare at each other awkwardly. i can't ever do anything because everything impacts my parents. and god knows i owe them to stop impacting them so much i did enough shit already. i can't enjoy a trip out with them because then we go home and it's MORE incredibly unsatisfactory socializing and forced eating lest they look at me like a monster. i can't leave because then it's WE leave not I leave. i can't just live my life after school because i have to be back to have the terrible binge-inducing dinner with them else i'm a fucking monster who makes them stay awake and worry at night. i have to make them aware of my every move because else they're gonna worry, i can't do that to them i have no valid reason to. i can't ever relax. i have no safe place anymore. there's always food in the house, we always have to go grocery shopping the same day and fill up the pantry. i can't buy anything substantial or component of a "normal" meal because then they just sit there while my mom never uses them despite knowing about them the whole time. there's been bricks of soup in the pantry for like two months she hasn't even MENTIONNED CONSIDERING THEM for the whole time. we bought, and i mean WE bought, WE took a couple canned vegetables from the shelves and we said good idea and we put them in the cart, and then she NEVER used them until i desperately broke the agreement that i was not to have control over what's for dinner and suggested we could perhaps maybe eat the food we had bought to eat, and she was like yeah sure great idea! we ate one can, and then for WEEKS afterwards we still don't touch any of the other cans. she keeps adding and adding and adding a billion things to every meal it makes me wanna rope. she keeps putting huge slabs of butter in pasta MOTHER it tastes the same except it's gross and five billion calories now can you stop doing that thanks. i've had my parents pretty much at my will for many many things all of my life, because they're completely floating in the meaningless void on what it means to be a parent, and it's just not healthy in ways i cannot possibly wholly imagine, and now we're stuck in some sort of circle that if i don't DEMAND something it's like i never said anything. but i can't DEMAND things because that is not a control a kid should have over their own parents and there's no nuance of possible things it's either they'll bend over backwards for even the most ill-advised demand or they will not budge an inch for the most structured three-parted argument doubled with the plead of my failing mental health even if it has demonstrably not worked before, and i certainly do not want to have a relationship with ANYONE where they feel forced to act a certain way because of me. and it's been so weird having developped this kind of very marked independance on like, DRIVE, while i was a neet, that now that i'm older and more legitimate to slowly leave the nest it feels incredibly weird and bad to entrap myself more closely instead.

so i keep trying to give them the elements of what consequences this or that thing has on me, and letting them evaluate themselves what they value, and so far the result has been that they don't give a shit about making me suffer, and they're completely cool with watching me act like i'm coked up in public bc i'm in pain or about to jump out of my skin in fearful anticipation of the next meal. i can handle myself all day and literally just ramble a little under my breath when we're going home at 9pm because it helps with the pain, and they're like "WHAT NOW we say something and you start sighing, what the hell did we do wrong this time??" which i guess is their genuine answer to the situation so i got what i wanted, i didn't control their reactions, but i guess it's pretty disappointing anyway.

and i can't really tell them because hey, how is that conversation gonna go? mom, dad, living with you is unbearable, all of my life you've done nothing but hurt me despite your best loving intentions, and i honestly don't think we're ever gonna fully repair that. cheers. i can't fucking do that to them. i've been the worst child to deal with my entire life i can't do that i just have to hold on until i move out anyway. it itches SO BAD to hurt them to blame them to throw every nasty thing i've ever wanted to yell at them to push them down the stairs and run away in the middle of the night. but i can't because they've done their best. genuinely. i wouldn't have handled it better if i had to parent kid-me. i don't think there's any right answer to a situation like that. i just can't wait until i can live for myself and not for walking around eggshells being the normal kid my parents never got to have now that i can force myself to. it feels like i try my best to give them respect and foster a good mutually-trusting relationship with them, and they don't give back anything different in return. and i do think part of that is that i'm WAAAAAY too in my own head about it and i have massive "nobody is allowed in the kitchen when i'm there" syndrome except my entire existence is the kitchen and anything i do besides "staying the usual unshowered neet disappointment in my room" being seen by my parents feels to me like if walking around naked in public. like how people ask out as a joke, like HA you really believe you could be more than a depressed piece of shit, but you're really nothing more than a pathetic failure barely keeping up the mask of a normal person. and that is totally my responsability to deal with except idk seems like every time i step out it turns out to be a disaster. and the coming down is even harsher, having to turn back into some featureless zombie picking and choosing what interests are undisruptive and inoffensive enough for me to tell my parents about it. i havent even managed to try to get into a sport club because the thought of my parents knowing this and that about my schedule and knowing i do sports and what sports i do and perhaps asking about it just makes my skin crawl. and i can't be spending their money, and i don't have a job, so.

they wont leave me the hell alone, and i can't refuse else i just become defined by my avoidance of them. it's rotting in my bed without any of the recharging. i don't fucking want to eat dinner with them, but else WHAT DO I DO? the kitchen is upstairs, upstairs is where they are, especially during dinner time but also they can hear i'm there if they're awake at home. and i owe them to spend that time bonding w them since we never did, and it's pretty much the only time my mom is home. i don't want to go with them to random events i don't really care about, because they're unenjoyable anyway since they're followed by MORE proximity and shit, but i kinda have to because i owe them that after i was nothing but a fucking emotional leech for my entire life, and also if i don't go to these events with them i go NOWHERE, cf the problem with my parents seeing anything about me mentionned above.

you might notice i've been saying "they" the whole time, rest assured, i mean my mom, or the united parental authority driven by my mom. i barely even have a dad anyway, i have a guy who lives in the same house and comes when my mom calls family reunion time, but spends his entire time every day following his own intellectual pursuits while floating through every actualy physical situation he's in. he barely listens. he barely reacts. he's not stupid or wholly incompetent, he functions alone pretty well, but in most situations in life he just stands to the side and goes "damn" whenever anything would require a reaction. i'm not really sure he fully realizes (or cares) that his actions impact other people. it scares me to be like him. i know how similar i am to him, and i really really hope i don't end up hurting anyone by being like that.

#vent #ed tw #broadcasting my misery #i can't stand not posting this bc i am fucking STARVED for feeling seen and understood #but dw guys it's cool if you have something to say but don't feel obligated it's already nice to know that hypothetically this is being rea #genuinely it does help #just knowing someone COULD read this #im going to try to find compromises and make this shit easier on both me and my parents #i swear #but i needed to vent

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[dkettchen]

cursed construction core hi vis bra that came to me in a dream

In the dream I saw it in the window display of a hardware/DIY/trade shop, implying it was meant to be a practical garment designed for actual female constructions workers in a Female Armour level missed-the-brief attempt at gender inclusion

The practical support from the visible underwire combined with the hi vis implying it’s not meant to be worn as an undergarment, I just-

I blame my binge-reading ND Stevenson’s gender comics talking abt masculinity and femininity incl the one abt Victoria’s Secret lingerie yesterday for this monstrosity x’D

#construction core #I am legitimately tempted to make this irl #just like as a commentary art piece on failed attempts at inclusion that completely missed the point #but alas I lack the booba these days to make it for myself so I'll need someone else to fit it to to enable my shenanigans #maybe someday #in the dream I met finnster in the next shop and was like dude you should go buy it for the meme lolll you could wear it on a stream #so uuuhhh- finn if you're reading this (I know you've seen my tumblr before we have video evidence) and you want this I'll make it for you #for manly man construction times #just let me know x'D #to the transmascs reading this: read the linked comics they're highly relatable #you can lose a whole morning to them #like me #have fun

[lazylittledragon]

THERE'S GARLIC IN THE KITCHEN YOU'RE GONNA GIVE YOUR VAMPIRE AN ALLERGIC REACTION

if anything it's probably just like hayfever it's FINE

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #tavstarion #don't read too deep into this i feel like they communicate very well #also i don't know if i could ever love someone enough to give up Flavour #i'm also a fan of the vampire/garlic thing just being like lactose intolerance #we know we shouldn't but we do

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

[RHETORIC - Legendary 14]: Convince Kim you are in a timeloop.

(ISAT side of the swap)

#disco elysium #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #ISAT #in stars and time #If you put HDB in a timeloop I truly think he would spend the his time trying to convince Kim he was in one. #The extra funny bit here is how counter it is to the *main plot of ISAT (*I HAVENT FINSHED. JUST STARTED ACT 4) #In which Siffrin is so strongly against letting anyone know they are trapped in a timeloop. #HDB would be doing everything in his power to try and get people to believe him. #and just like with the amnesia talk - Kim would pull the 'Detective we have a case to solve. Can we get back to work?' card. #How long would HDB last in a timeloop? If we make this loop the week that the case is...maybe a dozen loops? #He has the mystical detective angle on his side so I think he would stumble into the solution eventually. #Now. Odile could figure out someone is in a timeloop. I think It would take a *lot* for Kim to believe. #Anyways. [clicks on my powerpoint presentation that reads “Why Madame Odile could solve the deathnote case”]

[nevarroes]

#art tag #gortcas #casim carnarvon #sorry guys proper context some other time maybe idk how to do it right now so no caption it is🤕 #the tldr is that Gortash offhandedly talked about how Cas can make him as fat as he pleases but really it wont make him him his #basically that he only allows Cas to have his way but hes still in full control #which is true yes and Cas knows that to an extent but its not something he wants to hear #because Cas very much holds onto the hope that Gortash will be his forever at some point. phsyically #because again. Cas won't ever believe just words he simply is unable to even if Gortash could never love anyone else #at the same time while yes he obviously enjoys the whole weight gain he does not consider his own enjoyment a good reason to do things #Cas is someone that very much disregards his own enjoyment of things as well as his wellbeing #Cas is just pulling away instead of acting mad in an obvious way. hes sticking around but hes not feeding or teasing him about his weight #and Gortash? is now left with not knowing how to fix it since Cas isnt acting as he usually does when hes hurt or mad. hes still there #and day after day passes where he yearns to have it back. practically begging Cas to continue so he can prove his devotion #prove that he mustve been wrong with his comment. that Cas can push his body as far as he wants to and he'll be his in the end #thx for reading my tags guys maybe i can share more about this scene some other time🙂‍↕️ for now just have the art

[strangersteddierthings]

Ok so we got so many fic of Eddie rejecting Steve at first because Eddie's convinced Steve is straight and he refuses to be an "experiment" for straight boy Steve

But what if it goes the other way??

Eddie, having hidden himself in the closet SO WELL because he's already got enough reasons to be The Freak and doesn't need one that'll make people murder him for real, doesn't think before impulsively kissing Steve almost as soon as Steve comes out to him as bi.

And Steve gets to be the one like 'fuck you, you don't get to do this to me!'

Something something angst and misunderstandings.

Would LOVE if anyone could rec some fics with this premise or if anyone wants to write it I'd love you forever.

#steddie #just a thought i have such in my head #and i wanna read it so bad but don't wanna write it #so I'm putting it out on Tumblr to see if someone else will #or if they know a fic already i could read #Maybe Eddie finds out Tommy treated Steve like an experiment until he got with Carol #(maybe Steve assumed he and Tommy were dating until Carol&Tommy announced their relationship???). #Maybe that's why Steve never dates anyone who starts as a friend now?

[charlie-artlie]

#robots #polls #i tried to only pick ones i thought people would know #ive only got 10 options here 💦 #so yeah i could put muderdrones characters or robofizz or any number of the minor robot characters from homestuck #but i only have 10 options #someone who isn’t me should have a full on robot character tournament #i didnt even put any fnaf characters even though i wanted to #its just too controversial the difference between animatronics and robots even though i do think some of them count but wwwhatever #wanted to put muderbot cuz i just read its diaries #SO GOOD but they were very explicitly clear that it was not a robot #more like a android clone…..i could have a whole other poll for androids #and i think i will

[a2zillustration]

If this was about that letter I took out of someone's mailbox yesterday IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I DIDN'T MEAN TO AND I PUT IT RIGHT BACK-

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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]

[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]

#bg3 really said acab LMAO #I genuinely have no idea what triggered this #I did the entire bhaal tribunal right before this and then long rested so I don't know if there was- #something else I'd done the day before that triggered this or if it was a bug #Regardless - hilarious #WAIT HANG ON I HAD BEEN SNEAKING AROUND THE BARRACKS BUT I WAS INVISIBLE HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY KNOW IT WAS ME- #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #croissant adventures #tav #flaming fist #comics #also can I just say how funny it is that the guards DO NOT CARE if you're digging around in someone's postbox reading their mail gnjkfdnshd

[finncakes]

"I'd be up shit's creek by myself. I was by myself. It's not great."

"Yeah. No, it's not."

#critical role #orym of the air ashari #orym #ashton greymoore #cr spoilers #ashrym #biting and gnawing my leg off i WILL be thinking abt this for the next month #and YEs i do think ashton has some sorta something feelings going on for orym. no i will not elaborate i just know these things #it's my autism enhanced perception. i know what ashton is. #on a non-ashrym related note: SO glad someone FINALLY checked on orym #also glad i wasn't reading into things thinking ashton was noticing orym being off. he made some Faces that i hoped meant they noticed. #orym needed someone to say this to him. he needs someone to keep him grounded. #as much as i love fearne and orym and i DO think she's helped him for the better...fearne is not a very grounding person #but that's what's good about her #i think ashton could be a very good gronded person for orym. platonically or romantically. #as much as ashton likes to toot their horn abt being unstable and wild and chaotic... #they're probably the most level-headed and grounded after orym #they're more likely to pick the more chaotic choice but they do it in such a calm and chill way y'know? #i have a lot of ashton thoughts. i think he's so wrong to have raised his hand esp after fcg's freakout. #he didn't raise a hand against them #okAY I WILL. stfu now byeeeee

[starflungwaddledee]

Bandee and Starstruck 🎀💖

starting off my february starstruck dee ship-a-ganza with the big one. they do seem like... the obvious answer, huh...?

they have far and away the most development together and the strongest personal relationship, both in what i've posted, and in her story overall! would kill or die for each other in a heartbeat. i would be absolutely lying if i said i'd never thought about it, but i'm not 100% convinced my thoughts lead me to romance specifically...

they're already pretty insane about each other! starstruck in particular is madly in love with bandee in every way it's possible to be. loves him the way he loves kirby, i think (pretty sure he does not know this. might be shocked to learn it.)

however she's daft as bricks, so he'd have to initiate, and i can't really imagine anything in their relationship would change.... so he'd have to mostly want The Title or the Performance one way or another, and i'm not super sure he would!

#so... this comic is canon to her storyline and is meant to be read as platonic friendship for now! #but i'd be v interested to hear anyone else's thoughts on this pairing in particular!! COULD it be romo??? like.. sure! but how? #i think it would be super cute. but HOW?? i'm just kinda stuck. they're already nuts about each other. what else is there? qpp maybe. #loves him the way he loves kirby. devoutly. viscerally. #the spot carved out of your heart that's just the right size. pulse beating someone else's tune. it's not your palm you know best. #do you get what i'm saying. someone please read these tags and respond i gotta know i'm not the only one #'starflung is all your prose like /that/' yeah sorry. and this is why i don't share my writing lmao. pretentious loser #starstruck dee #bandana waddle dee #my art #my comics #🎀💖

[mueritos]

started a new job recently as a research assistant for a gay Latinx professor in my grad program, and while I definitely don't have the time to be doing my own research, working with this professor on his book projects has been so affirming and healing. i'm working on a book he hopes to publish soon that is full of interviews of gay and trans Latine men...and it is so fucking awesome. I feel so seen by the words I am reading, and I feel tears spring to my eyes looking at the photographs of these men. They look like family members, distant cousins, and family friends. They look so happy and full of confidence. I see myself in their eyes, recognizing the "fish" shape in our eyes that is so distinctly tied to Latines. One of the men in the book is a pup! And it is so beautiful seeing his smile as he holds his pup mask.

I have met very few queer latines. I don't know what it's like to have the tio or tia that has some secret aura to them, that "no se habla" vibes where everyone knows they're queer but just won't acknowledge it. Hell, this professor I'm working with is the first gay Latine man I've ever spoken to. I wish I had a community of gay Latines. I hope I am able to access that one day :)

#muerto talks #just rambling #reading thru this manuscript has me feeling some intense emotions #ive always been the person other queers look up to #and i always wish i had someone i could look up to #this reminds me that when im back home for the summer i should totally connect my emotional support gay professor from undergrad #i have never felt such acceptance and joy man #life be good when you have an older gay BIPOC man in your life #LIKE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ADOPT ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE #this makes 3 gay male professors i know that i look at with very big round and wet eyes #my research professor is also a gay man and im like so captivated by him in class #i be on cloud 9 when i say something in class and he continously references it #LIKE YES I WON!!! #I WON!!!!

[panevanbuckley]

don't get me wrong i love ao3 i would sacrific my soul for ao3 but sometimes i really wish it had that one feature from wattpad where you can comment on paragraphs rather than whole chapters y'know??

#please tell me someone else understands #like if i'm reading a 10k+ fic that's all one chapter there is just NO WAY i'm remembering the parts that made me squeal #but i want the author to know which bits are my favourite y'know?? #and suuure i could make a memo and copy and paste parts or whatever bc i've had comments like that myself and LOVE them #but i just get so engrossed in the story that i totally forget to do it! and then i'm so sad bc my comments are never as good #ao3 #wattpad #fanfic

[iaxsl]

Modern au where Sanji and Luffy fall in love while Sanji is engaged. Similar to the events of WCI, Sanji is in a forced business marriage. A merger of Germa Tech. and LinLin Industries. Sanji has no feelings of hatred, he accepts since that is what he’s supposed to do, and who knows, maybe he will fall in love with whomever he’s engaged to. At least then, he’ll be able to leave his family. He signs up at a gym after snide remarks from his family about his weight and meets Luffy as he struggles with one of the machines. Luffy is pure sunshine, and Sanji envies that; he seems so free. Luffy is a personal trainer part-time and a semi-pro boxer. As they spend more time together, Sanji starts to realize that he’s falling more and more in love with Luffy (for added drama, he maybe doesn’t tell Luffy that he’s engaged). Luffy falls first; he tells Sanji as such after Sanji cooks for him for the first time (maybe as a thank you, but also as an excuse to spend more time together). Sanji is hesitant, though he feels the same way, but Luffy doesn’t give up. Somehow, Sanji’s family realizes what’s happening, and they find Luffy. They threaten him and attempt to silence him, Luffy fights back and wins (obviously). He goes to talk to Sanji, and Sanji finally tells Luffy everything. Luffy gets upset, not at Sanji, but at his family and wishes he beat up the goons they sent even harder. Luffy and Sanji meet up with the smartest person Luffy knows (Nami), and together, they come up with a solution. Something something, Sanji finally confronts his family and gets together with Luffy.

#picturing Reiju as having left the family years prior and regrets not taking Sanji with her. so maybe there's a scene where they reconnect #anyways pls tell me something like this exists somewhere #or if someone that writes wants to take this then please go for it!! and also let me know so I can read it #tbh could be any sanji ship but I just really love sanlu #sanlu #black leg sanji #monkey d luffy #sanji #luffy #one piece #oh also -> #tw weight #tw body insecurity #the vinsmokes suck

[haunted-xander]

You ever think about how Ryne probably got a more honest yet closed-off Thancred while Minfilia got a more disingenuine yet open Thancred?

Like, the Thancred Minfilia knew and grew up with was the one we saw in arr, the flirty, teasing and sassy but friendly man who was clearly not very honest seeing as no one- not even Minfilia- noticed how worn out he was from his constant work. Even just by hw he's noticably more prickly and. not quite rude but. more outwardly cynical? He's always been kinda cynical, but in arr his teasing and banter hides it well, which never disappears but is more. natural? genuine? now. Krile directly points out that he's much more brusque than she expected of him based on how Minfilia described him.

And sure, you could attribute that behaviour to his grief and stress (which is certainly a part of it) but considering he acts much the same in ew, when he's finally moved on and come to terms with everything (and is also post-shb character development), I think it's safe to say that this is the most honest we've seen Thancred be.

But this is all Ryne has known him to be. She's never seen Thancred be flirtatious or as social and friendly as he is in arr, she's only seen him be brusque and cynical but still teasing and kind. But he's also far more closed off from her (and others) bc of That Whole Deal going on. Urianger has told her more about Thancred's true feelings than Thancred himself has. and even that's not a lot, for Urianger is not only not a mind reader and doesn't know everything that goes on on Thancred's head, but also is reluctant to share more than is necessary since it's not his place to divulge these things (and also he himself is not free from the folly of emotional self-isolation).

With Minfilia though, he's open enough that she's never doubted that he cared for and loved her even when he couldn't spend much time with her, and she felt comfortable enough to admonish him when he did his usual self-destructive behaviour (you know, becoming an alchoholic at 17 and All That Entails)

Just. food for thought

#theres a lot of these parallels between ryne & minfilia in regards to their relationship with thancred #like. the way things are so similar yet so *different* from each other #same same but opposite ya know #like how thancred blames himself for warburtons death and by extention minfilia being orphaned even tho it was in no way his fault #vs how he knowingly took ryne away from ran'jit bc he knew that whatever other life shed live would be better than what she had #when minfilia first experienced the echo thancred knew wat it was but didnt tell her (for circle of knowing related reasons) #whereas he told ryne everything he could in regards to her powers and circumstances #he gifted minfilia her dagger for self-defense but never taught her how to fight #but ryne was not only gifted daggers by him but also taught how to properly fight and fend for herself with them #and he trusted minfilia in the main care of f'lhaminn while he took a more secondary support role #but he assigned himself the primary caretaker for ryne while the others (read: urianger) became secondary ones #(granted due to rynes situation he kinda had no other choice at the time) #(but im sure he wouldve taken the same role even if he could theoretically have safely handed her over to someone else) #also just to be clear thancred IS genuinely social and friendly even hw & up #just not as extroverted #he spends a lot of time either by himself or with fellow scions/other close companions #rather than with whatever lady hes trynna impress next #anyway. yet another day of being Completelt Normal about this complicated family situation #thancred waters #ryne waters #minfilia warde #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #xander rambles #xander being insane about ryne

[journey-to-the-attic]

au where this was how ik and diavolo met for the first time when she was like seven

#obey me #art #they're reading 'the nine lives of montezuma' by michael morpugo by the way #it's about a cat called montezuma and it ends sadly. ik knows this because she's read it already but she wants to see if demons can cry #there's also very devout christian little girl later in the book and i just find the idea of diavolo encountering that character funny #obey me diavolo #jtta ik #slams hands on table how the HELL do you draw ROOMS!!!!!! #peep the incredibly thin lego house. that's all they could find enough bricks to build #also if you zoom in on the piece of paper (and turn it upside down) there's someone else making a little cameo #is it easy enough to tell who it is?? who knows #anyway yeah diavolo drew lucifer and ik drew herself and her dad (you can see zhao's glasses on one of the little figures) #when zhao gets home he sees the massive demon and passes out immediately #i think he and diavolo would make good friends actually. diavolo is the supportive ayi to his single fatherhood #one day dia's like 'man that guy's lonely so he sits him down like 'you know zhao i have a friend who might be your type' #infernal friends au