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vacantgodling · 1 year

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A FOOL’S ERRAND

(oc kiss week day 4: CHARM)

wip: paramour ROLE SWAP AU (more info linked)—tl;dr amon is rich hya is a useless butler leggo

character(s): amon & hya (does not use his full name in this au)

warning(s): swearing, bickering, make outs, loose interpretations of the prompt lmao

after a riveting rendition of the famous “fools errand” play, the subject of the legitimacy of love potions comes up between master and butler. growing irritated with his master’s winding logic, hya decides to disprove amon’s theory. or prove it—depending on how you look at it.

A Fool’s Errand—one of the newer plays that was making its rounds on the theatre circuit, and one that Amon was finally convinced to witness in person after his good friend and confidant Myrtus insisted. It was an excuse to get out of the house to be something other than a loiterer at The Nimbus. His butler was none too pleased being dragged out of the house for something as “goddamn boring as a bunch of underdressed clowns playing pretend for three hours.” But A Fool’s Errand was different. Hya said hardly a word throughout the whole showing. Amon knew from the few other times he’d brought his grouchy eye candy along that bitching was a core tenant of his appreciation of art, so to hear not a peep until the final brava! well. Amon found it almost endearing.

“I still can’t wrap my head around it.” Amon prattled as they made their way through the sea of the exit crowd. “The idea of a potion to force someone to fall in love with you. How would it work, do you think?”

“Your ilk use it all the time.” Hya’s arms were firmly crossed over his broad chest, creating a barrier between himself and anyone who so much as brushed against him and Amon silently congratulated himself on his impeccable choice of outfit this evening. The deep brown lapels against Hya’s chocolate skin, accented with forest green and gold, made him a present fit for a king, and his butler knew as much. Amon knew that Hya knew that he was staring. But they’d long passed the point of feigning shyness. “How do you mean?” Amon asked.

“Put enough coins in front of someone and they’ll bark like a bitch when you command it.”

“I’ve waved quite a few dollars at you—“

“And I said someone.” Hya snapped. His mood was always foul when it was crowded, Amon knew. He quickly weaved them through the throngs of play seekers, until they’d reached the lighted streets of Central Town. It was then that Amon saw Hya’s shoulders start to relax. He grew more confident, and placed a hand on the small of Hya’s back. The butler didn’t flinch.

“Sure.” Amon agreed easily, returning to their conversation. “But money is a conscious choice, no? The idea of a charm or a potion that could override consent or incentive to get the results you want is… fascinating.”

“Because you’re disgusting.” Even with heat, Amon knew there was little malice. Hya still wasn’t really meeting his eyes, and he always did whenever he wanted something to sting. That, and his tone was off handed. Like a passing thought in a winding stream. If he imagined Hya stepping closer to him, it was a lie he’d let himself believe. “Do you think something like that would be possible?” Amon asked, ignoring him. Hya’s gaze flit to his, carefully neutral.

“Hilarious that you’re still entertaining the thought.”

Amon rolled his eyes. “Can’t you humor me, for once in your life?”

Hya didn’t answer. He simply looked back ahead of them. “We drinking?” He asked instead. Amon looked up to the ever looming orange glow of The Nimbus’s hailing sign. He must’ve steered them here without thinking.

“Ah.” Amon cleared his throat. It couldn’t hurt, he decided. “Why not?”

“You can hardly hold your liquor.” A rare smirk slid onto Hya’s face, but it was gone faster than Amon could admire it. He’d never understand how his brain let him tangle feelings with someone of such bad temper but he regrettably knew—some part of him, that deranged, ignorant part of him—liked that about Hya.

“You’re no better.” Amon’s protest fell on deaf ears and the two of them made their way inside.

As usual they sat near the back where they wouldn’t be disturbed, a private table Amon had a monopoly on for years. The first two or three drinks passed uneventfully. He talked, more about the play, the decor, other things, and Hya answered when it was pertinent. Still, even that was an improvement—vastly more open than the Hya who merely glared and grunted at him only a few months before. Amon knew the feeling swelling in his gut was dangerous—with only his heartbreak as real consequence yet like the cocktail that swirled in his glass, or the one that traveled boldly down Hya’s throat, he was helpless to its affects. It made him tip his head back to chase the bitter feeling with another bitter dram. Its welcome sting made him sigh with a hiss.

“Are you still thinking about it?”

“What?” Amon asked.

“The charm?”

“Oh.” Amon was somewhat surprised Hya was continuing to entertain him. He searched his thoughts, which were beginning to become muddled. “Of course. I was wondering what other affects such a potion could have on the body.” A bit of a lie but—Hya’s raised eyebrow emboldened him. “Would it be like an aphrodisiac?”

“What would be the point if it wasn’t?” Hya’s voice had gone low and smokey, as it did whenever they drank. A pleasant shiver raced down Amon’s spine. Hya leaned forward towards him, resting his elbows on the table. “There’s already a drink like that anyway. Overrides your consent. Makes bad decisions feel like good ones.” When Amon continued to stare at him blankly. Hya sighed heavily through his nose. “Alcohol. Dumbass. I’m talking about alcohol.”

“I was always under the impression that alcohol made you more honest. Unless there are certain…” Amon tilted his head, searching for a word. “Additives.” Hya hummed, thinking on it for a moment. When their eyes met again, Hya’s dark eyes were burning holes into him and Amon couldn’t deny how his heart leapt bodily into his chest.

“Removing your usual inhibitions is like being under a spell to me.” And Hya reached across the worlds of a table between them, grasping Amon by his tie. He dragged him forward, all strength and no balk, until Amon felt hot breath skating like ice shards across his lips. “Would you say that’s the spell you’re under?” He whispered. Hya answered him with a bite to his lower lip and a commanding sweep of tongue that made Amon’s knees nearly buckle. He righted himself and surged back, fisting rough hands into Hya’s suit and dragging him too, till they were both hanging off the table, having some ravenous conversation in the privacy of their tucked away table. When Hya pushed him back Amon’s head was spinning.

“You never answered.” Amon pointed out. Hya’s breathing was ragged, and Amon was magnetized to the way he scraped his tongue over his lips—as though he were trying to chase some flavor he may have left there.

“You figure it out.” Hya said, all gravel. He stood fully from the table, heading back towards the doors and disappeared into the rowdy crowd like stepping into his own shadow. A waitress hobbled by.

“Put one more on my tab!” He called. He needed a drink after that. She regarded him with a nod. Then, “What happened to your friend?”

“Oh he’s probably off sulking somewhere. I’ll cover his too.”

“Charmed.” She said, then ambled off.

Charmed indeed.

#s: paramour #ren writing #ockiss23 #oc kiss week #ockissweek #i was gonna do more for this but i started a new job so this is what i got #role swap au

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imnotoverlyobsessive · 2 years

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Number Nine

Chapter Two: I Just Wanna Be Yours

AO3 author’s note/info one two three four five six seven eight epilogue extra

All my work is 18+.

What doesn’t kill me makes me want you more; and it’s new, the shape of your body. It’s blue, the feeling I’ve got.- Taylor Swift, Cruel Summer

Tim was forever gushing about the places he wanted to take her. She absolutely had to see Paris, he’d told her once between drags of his cigarette. She’d love any part of Europe, he said, but especially Paris. He’d also said filming would be so much more fun if he could take her with him. He usually said this when they were cuddled up under a blanket on one of his loveseats (Tim was in possession of four regular couches, two loveseats, three divans, four chaises, and one large sectional).

And so Lea enrolled in online classes as Tim had requested several months prior, and was going to surprise him with this fact when he got back from filming Wonka in England.

She was sitting in the backseat of his car, waiting for him at the airport. She’d gone with his driver for pick him up. As she was waiting, a text came through from her younger sister, Ari.

girllllllll come get ur man hes bein a hoe again

What? Lmao

yea check it he got papped

With that, a picture came through. He was seated with three tall, leggy blondes with bikinis barely covering their perfectly tanned skin. One was in his lap with his hand down her bikini bottom (fingering her, it looked like), one had her tongue in his mouth, and the other stood off to the side as she watched the scene, his hand sliding under her barely-there triangle bikini top to grope her breast.

Lea stared at the picture for several seconds. She couldn’t talk to Ari right now. She couldn’t deal with this. She knew he slept with his girlfriends, she knew he and his wife shared some of them. But she’d never seen it herself. God, it hurt.

She’d only just hit the send button on a text telling her sister she had to go when the car door opened and he slid in next to her. She looked up at him, startled.

He laughed. “You knew I was coming, why are you so surprised?” He saw her phone then. “Whatcha lookin’ at?” Leaning over a bit, his eyes widened when he saw the picture. “Whoa, that’s a bit of a shocker.”

“So… I guess these are your girlfriends, huh?” she laughed out uncomfortably.

He stared at her for a few seconds. “Uh… no, not really. Just a few girls I met at a party.”

“Oh.”

She didn’t want to know what kind of party.

Several hours later, she stood beside him on one of his three balconies, overlooking the nighttime skyline.

“I wish you could’ve come with me,” he confessed softly. “England is beautiful this time of year.”

She nudged him playfully with her elbow. “Pretty sure there’s plenty of girls you could take with you.”

“Yeah,” Tim admitted, “but none of them are you.”

Lea flushed. Then, she remembered something. “Oh yeah, I meant to tell you: I enrolled in online classes. So the next time you wanna take me somewhere, I can go.”

Tim stared at her for a moment. Then, his face split into a grin, and he cupped her cheek before leaning down and pressing his lips to hers.

Lea froze, shocked. When he pulled back, she stared up at him blankly, not blinking at all. “What— why’d you do that?” she managed to stutter out.

“Because you are wonderful and beautiful and I adore you,” he declared with a bright smile.

Lea tucked a stray curl the night wind had blown out of place back behind her ear. “Do you do that to all your friends?”

He laughed. “You’re much more than a friend to me. Wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”

“What am I to you, then?” she asked breathlessly.

Tim placed his hand on top of where hers was resting on the balcony railing. “What would you like to be to me?”

Yours, her heart whispered. I want to be yours. What she told him, however, was, “I don’t know.”

He threaded his fingers through hers. “Well, how’d you feel when I kissed you? Not repulsed, I hope.”

“No,” she assured him hurriedly, blushing to the roots of her hair. “No, of course not. I didn’t… hate it.”

“If I were to do it again, would you stop me?”

“No,” she murmured.

“Would you kiss me back?”

Lea nodded at him wordlessly.

And when he kissed her again, she forgot about everything else— about his wife, his daughter, his eight girlfriends, that awful fucking picrure, all of it. There was only the two of them.

She was straddling his lap on one of the outdoor chairs, grinding her core against him as he kissed her neck and squeezed her ass.

“Fuck, baby,” he growled. “I want you so bad. I’ve wanted you since I first saw you with that cute little braid in your hair and your pretty pink lips and the way this fucking ass moves when you walk. So fuckin’ sexy.”

Lea was stimulating her clit by rubbing against him now, moaning softly into the cool night air. “Please,” she whimpered desperately. “Please, Timothée.”

“Fuck,” he groaned again. “Please say you want me, Lea. Please. I think I’ll lose my mind if I don’t get to have you.”

She leaned down to kiss him, murmuring, “How could I not?”

Next thing she knew, he was pulling her by the hand into his bedroom.

“Take your clothes off, babydoll,” he breathed against the flushed skin of her neck. “Let me see you.”

Lea trembled with anxiety as she undressed to her bra and panties. “Sorry they’re not very, y’know. Sexy.”

His gaze stopped roving over her hungrily and he stared at her for a few seconds. “They’re sexy because you’re wearing them,” Tim finally told her. “That said, if you’d like, I can get you all the pretty things you want.” Then, “Now why don’t you take them off and let me see those tits I’ve been dreaming about for the past six months?”

With shaking hands, she reached behind her back and unclasped her bra before sliding the straps off her shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. Slowly, ever so slowly, she slid her panties down and off, kicking them to the side. Standing there before him, naked as the day she was born, she was terrified he wouldn’t want her, would find her hideous. She wasn’t nearly as skinny as the girls from the picture.

Tim must’ve sensed her anxiety, though, because he stepped closer to her and lifted her chin up to gaze into her eyes. “Hey, you never have to be nervous, alright? Not with me. You’re perfect. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of except better.”

“You don’t mind that I’m not skinny?”

He shrugged. “More of you for me to love. So what?”

“L— love?” she squeaked out.

“Yeah,” Tim said with a small smile. “Love.”

With that, he gently pushed her backwards onto the bed, and she let herself fall.

Before she knew what was happening, he was kissing her hungrily while his long, slender fingers slid in and out of her, his thumb rubbing her clit so fast she thought her head would explode.

“You’re so tight,” he breathed into their kiss. “Been thinking about this pussy for so long, baby. Will you clench like this around my cock, too?”

“I— I don’t know,” she stuttered out between desperate moans. “I haven’t— I’ve never—“

“Aww,” he crooned softly, and she felt his smirk against her skin. “I know you haven’t, angel. I know you haven’t. It’s been awhile since I’ve been with a virgin, but I promise I’ll be gentle with you.”

“Tim,” she interrupted suddenly, needing to know something.

He froze, pulling back to examine her features, his eyes searching her face. “What’s wrong? Do you want to stop?”

“No!” she exclaimed firmly. He smirked again, and she repeated, “No, I don’t want to stop. I just… I have questions.”

He pulled his hand back. “Okay, what is it?”

“You said it’s been awhile since you’ve been with a virgin,” she reminded him. “How long exactly?”

He furrowed his eyebrows in thought. “Since I was one myself, so I would’ve been seventeen.”

Holy fuck, she thought to herself. Nine years ago? Shit.

Not wanting to shame him, she went on to her next question. “And, uh. How many girls since then?”

“Like total?” he asked, eyes wide. When she nodded, he blew out a puff of air. “Fuck, Lea, I dunno. Somewhere around a hundred, maybe?”

Head spinning with this information, she exhaled slowly through her nose. “Did you sleep with those girls from the picture?”

“Yes.”

“Was it, like…” she hesitated. “Was it at the same time?”

“Yes,” he said again.

She felt sick to her stomach. “Do you do that a lot?”

“Sleep with more than one girl at a time, you mean?” he clarified. She nodded. “I do it sometimes, but not all the time.”

“I don’t want to do that,” she told him immediately.

He scoffed lightly. “I wouldn’t ask you to anyway. I have a strange desire to keep you all to myself, not let anyone else touch you.”

Then why would you think I wouldn’t feel that way about you? Lea wondered.

“Right now,” he began gently, “all I want is you. Don’t worry about the rest. Just focus on me.”

“I always focus on you,” she breathed.

He whined in the back of his throat. “Can I kiss you again? Please?”

Lea nodded wordlessly, wishing all the while that she was the only one he wanted, the only one he’d kiss.

But hey, beggars can’t be choosers, right?

So she kissed him back fervently, arching into his touch when he reached between her legs again.

“May I?” he requested. “I wanna make you cum.”

“Please,” she gasped out, craning her neck in an effort to get his lips back on hers.

“Fuck,” he muttered when he began to touch her again. “You’re so wet. Is this all for me?”

“Yes,” Lea whimpered.

“You got like this just from thinking about me?”

“This happens all the time when I think about you, Tim,” she confessed, and he groaned again, curling his fingers inside her and rubbing her throbbing clit faster.

“So gorgeous, baby girl,” he told her. “Gonna make you cum, gonna make you feel so good you won’t know what to do without me to pleasure you.”

“Tim,” Lea moaned, her mouth open as she rolled her hips against his hand. “God, Timothée—“

“There’s my good girl,” he praised. “Doing such a good job for me, angel. Give me those pretty little moans.”

“Please don’t stop,” she begged desperately. “Please—“

“I won’t,” Tim promised lowly. “I’ll take such good care of you. My princess can have anything she wants. Never gonna have to work again now that you’re mine. Anything you want, baby.”

“You,” she gasped, throwing her head back. “I want you. I want this.”

“Good girl,” he said again, leaning in to kiss her. “Such a good girl for me. Will you cum for me, sweetheart?”

“Yes,” she whined. “Fuck, yes, Tim—“

He rubbed her faster, impossibly faster, and her walls were fluttering around his fingers. She was close. She was so close.

“C’mon, baby,” Tim encouraged. “You can do it. Cum for me.”

“Fuck,” Lea whimpered, her hips bucking. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum, you’re gonna make me cum—“

“That’s it. Give it to me.”

And then she did, her orgasm ripping through her like a tidal wave, a tsunami of quaking pleasure.

She’d hoped the orgasm would sate her appetite. Instead, though, all she wanted was more.

“Tim,” she panted, “Tim, I want you in my mouth.”

He yanked his shirt over his head abruptly. “Next time, sweetheart. I need to be inside you now. Spread your legs for me.”

She obeyed instantly, her thighs parting as she stared openly at his chest. He was lightly muscled, freckles dotting his pale skin. He was perfect.

And then he took his pants off, his boxers following soon after.

“You’re going to kill me,” she informed him flatly. “This is it. This is how I die.”

He laughed. “I’m not going to kill you, Lea. I promise. You’ll be fine.”

“Fairly certain I won’t be if you put that monstrosity inside me. I’ll die of internal bleeding.”

“No you won’t,” he assured her with another chuckle. “I’ll take care of you, make you feel good. You’ll feel full, yes, but once you get used to it, you’ll be okay.”

“Says you,” she groused under her breath.

He pouted adorably. “Don’t you trust me?”

Without missing a beat, Lea said, “Not a bit, no.”

Tim stood over her in stunned silence for a moment before bursting out laughing and climbing onto the bed after her, caging her in with his arms. “Why not?”

“I trust you as a friend,” she confessed slowly, gauging the words for honesty as they came out.

“I hope I mean more than that to you at this point,” he chuckled softly, brushing her hair away from her face.

Lea’s heart hammered against her ribcage. “You’ve always meant more to me than that, Tim,” she murmured, embarrassed beyond all measure.

He smiled down at her adoringly. “Yeah?”

She nodded. “Yeah.” Then, a thought occurred to her. “Did you mean it when you said you’d wanted me since we first met?”

He cupped her cheek then, leaning down to brush his lips against hers. “I did,” he admitted. “I saw you standing there with your braid—you wouldn’t stop fidgeting with it; I remember—and I thought your freckles were the cutest thing I’d ever seen, and I wondered what face you’d make if I made you cum.” He took a breath. “As soon as I heard you speak, I wanted to know what your moans would sound like, your whimpers, how you’d say my name. But then when I got to know you, I wanted to spend all day talking to you, hearing what you thought and how you felt about things.” He paused, smiling down at her. “The more I talked to you, the more I realized I wanted to be friends with you, maybe more if you wanted it. And then as I got to know you as a person, I just wanted you more. I wanted you under me, around me, next to me— everywhere.”

He sighed before continuing, “But then I figured out how skittish you were, how nervous you were around me. I knew if I wanted anything with you—friendship or more—, you had to get used to me, understand I wouldn’t hurt you. So I’ve been patient. Now that I don’t have to be anymore, I’m not wasting time.”

Before she could breathe a word of response, point out that he would hurt her, he kissed her again, and Lea couldn’t think anymore after that.

He reached down to massage her breasts, tweaking her nipples. “Your shirts are way too fuckin’ tight for having tits this big, you tease,” he murmured into her neck before starting to suck a bruise into the skin there.

“My shirts are tight because of my boob size,” she pointed out, arching into his touch.

“It’s okay, angel,” Tim assured her gently. “I’ll make sure everything you wear from now on fits you just right. Gonna take such good care of you.”

“I don’t understand,” she admitted as he trailed one hand down her body to rub at her again.

“I mean,” he began gently, “I’m going to make sure you have everything you want. Anything my sweet girl wants, she’ll get. All you have to do is ask.” He kissed her cheek softly. “I’ll pay for everything.” He slid two fingers inside of her, and she clenched around them. “You’ll never be unsatisfied, either,” he promised lowly as he began to finger her. “As long as you’re with me, Lea, you’ll never be empty. I’ll always keep you nice and full.”

“I wanna be full now,” she whined miserably, rolling her hips in time with the thrusts of his fingers. “I want you inside me. Please, Tim.”

“Fuck, baby,” he groaned, kissing her hungrily. “How can I make you wait when you ask me like that?”

“Please,” she said again, whimpering when he withdrew his fingers from her and replaced them with the head of his cock, nudging it against her entrance.

“Your pussy juice is getting all over my bed, Lea,” he scolded teasingly. “Making a mess from wanting me so bad, hm?”

She whimpered again, desperate for him.

“Okay, angel,” Tim finally conceded. “Okay.” With that, he was pushing into her. He grit his teeth, clenching his jaw with a groan. “F— fuck, I’ve never had anyone this tight before. Fuck.”

“Tim,” she gasped out. “It— it hurts, I—“

“Shit,” he muttered. “Sorry, baby. Give it a minute, okay? There’s no rush.”

It was a slow game of stop and go before he was finally fully seated within her. Her breasts were smushed against his chest, and he gripped her hips gently, thumb sliding back and forth across her sensitive skin. Her hands had found a place in his hair, holding him to her as they kissed desperately.

Whining, Lea lifted her hips a bit, trying to get some semblance of friction. The pain had stopped, and now that it had, all she wanted was more, more, more.

“Lea,” he moaned into her open mouth. “God, Lea. You’re so tight you made my dick numb.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “I did what?!“ she exclaimed, suddenly very concerned for him. “Oh my god, Tim, pull out if I’m hurting you!”

“You’re not hurting me,” he assured her with soft laughter and several kisses to her neck. “You’re just very tight, that's all.”

“Are you sure?” Lea asked anxiously, reaching up to cup his face.

He smiled adoringly at her, turning his head slightly so as to kiss her palm. “Of course I’m sure. Can I move now? Does it hurt?”

“No,” she assured him hurriedly, aching for more of what he had to give her. It was strange, yes, but it was no longer painful. “No, it doesn’t hurt.”

He pulled out then before rocking his hips gently against hers, and her lips parted in a soft gasp.

Full.

“You’re so beautiful like this,” Tim breathed as he watched her face closely. “I knew you would be.”

Lea shut her eyes, overwhelmed at the intense feeling of fullness, how he was stretching her.

“No,” he murmured, cupping her cheek and stroking it gently with his thumb as he continued to move within her. “No, watch me. I don’t want you to forget who’s making you feel like this.”

“I’d never forget,” she gasped, wanting him closer despite the fact that they were as close as it was physically possible for two people to be. “It was either you or no one.”

He smiled down at her again, resting his forehead against hers for a moment before kissing her softly. “I’m honored it’s me, then.”

“Why?”

He hummed in pleasured contentment, his thrusts a bit less shallow now. “Because of all the people you could’ve shared this with, you wanted it with me. Because you trust me enough to take care of you in this way.”

I don’t trust you, she wanted to tell him, but she didn’t say that, didn’t want to explain why. She trusted him to make it good for her, of course she did, but as far as not hurting her, she didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him.

He was going to break her heart, and she knew it. That was fine, though. This was enough.

“Oh, Tim,” Lea exhaled.

“Yes?” He thrust a bit harder.

“It feels good,” she confessed. “It feels so good.”

He smiled at her, nuzzling her nose with his. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she confirmed breathlessly.

“You’re doing so well, sweetheart,” Tim praised, his voice gentle and sweet, the same way his thrusts were. “You’re taking me so well.”

“Don’t stop,” she begged, lifting her hips slightly to meet his.

“You’re mine now, Lea,” he murmured. “I’m never letting you go now that I’ve had you. Never. You belong to me now.”

“I’ve always belonged to you,” she whimpered, threading her hands into his hair and pulling him down to kiss her.

He groaned, kissing her back with ferocious hunger, reaching down to grasp her hips firmly and thrusting harder. “Fuck,” he groaned into her mouth. “It’s so hard to be gentle with you,” he confessed, digging his fingers into her flesh. “I want bruises covering your body. I want my hands around your neck. I want to get you addicted to my cock.”

“I want that, too,” she moaned, clenching around him at the picture he’d painted. “I want you to give me that, Timothée, please—“

“Once you get used to me, I will, baby,” he swore, growling and driving into her a bit faster. “I’m going to give you everything. But especially my cock. Any time you want it, all you have to do is ask.”

“I want it,” she pleaded. “I want it now, I want it—“

Tim chuckled softly, adjusting his angle so his hipbone hit her clit with every thrust. “You have it, angel. Don’t worry. I’ll keep you nice and full.”

“Fuck,” she whined, her hips bucking against his. “Feels so good, please don’t stop—“

“Good girl,” he praised, his voice low in her ear. “That’s my good girl, telling me what you want me to do to you.”

“‘m yours, Timothée,” she moaned loudly.

“I know you are,” he breathed, sucking a bruise into the skin of her neck and reaching up with one hand to palm her breast, the other reaching down to rub her clit. “I own this tight little pussy now, don’t I?”

“Yes,” Lea moaned in response. “Yes, you own all of me. I’m yours, I swear I’m yours, don’t stop—“

“Good girl,” he repeated. “Such a good girl, begging me for it. You want it so bad, don’t you, babydoll?”

Lea nodded vigorously. “Want it,” she whined. “I want it, I want it, god— feels so good, wanna cum, want you to make me cum—“

“Of course you do, angel,” he crooned. “You gonna cum on my cock like a good little girl?”

“Yes,” she moaned desperately. “Yes, Timothée, you’re gonna make me cum, I’m gonna cum—“

“That’s it,” he encouraged. “That’s it, baby. Cum all over my cock. Such a good girl.”

She rolled her hips up against his, and then she seized, her toes curling and her back arching as she erupted.

Still, he didn’t stop rubbing at her. “You’re gonna give me another,” Tim growled in her ear. “You’re gonna cum for me again.”

“God,” she screamed. “Fuck, how are you— I’m already going to—“

He was barely touching her clit, but she was still so sensitive from the last orgasm that she hardly needed any contact at all before she was pulsating again.

“You know what I’m gonna do?” he growled in her ear, moving his fingers away from her clit to grasp her hip instead.

She whimpered in response, her body still jolting slightly with the aftershocks of the orgasms he’d given her.

“I’m gonna turn you into a cock hungry slut,” Tim promised darkly. “You’ll take it whenever I feel like giving it to you, and when I’m not inside you, you won’t be able to think about anything else.”

Lea was fairly certain this wouldn’t be very difficult to accomplish. In fact, she thought she was likely at that point already. Instead of telling him this, however, she chose instead to moan, “Timothée—“ desperately, but still, she wanted more. She needed to cum again. It felt so good. So much better than it felt when she did it herself. “More,” she begged. “I want more, please.”

“More of what, angel?” he asked, stroking her cheek affectionately as he rocked into her.

“I wanna cum again,” Lea moaned. “Please, Tim, I wanna cum, you make me feel so good—“

“Greedy little thing, aren’t you?” he murmured, reaching between them to rub her again.

“God, yes,” she gasped. “Fuck, so good, so good— god, Timothée—“

“That’s my girl,” Tim praised. “So desperate for what I give you.”

Lea’s hips bucked, and it only took a few more rubs of her clit before she came a third time with a moan of his name.

“Fuck,” he groaned, reaching up to twist her nipple sharply and roll it between his thumb and forefinger as he watched her breasts bounce from the force of his thrusts. “No one I’ve ever been with had tits like this.”

“Are they okay?” she asked nervously.

He laughed. “Are you kidding? They’re beautiful ‘cause they’re yours, but they’d be sexy as all hell regardless.” He paused. “Been wanting these tits in my mouth since I first met you.”

She lifted a breast up, offering it to him.

“So eager to give me what I want, hm?” With that, he leaned down and took her nipple in his mouth, suckling deeply but never pausing his thrusts.

Lea moaned, throwing her head back and gripping his curls, holding him against her breast. He took her nipple between his teeth gently, tugging on it ever so slightly. “God,” she gasped out. “Fuck that’s good, don’t stop, please don’t stop—“

He hummed against her nipple, continuing to suckle and still stimulating her clit with his hipbone as he thrust into her.

Her walls started fluttering around him, and he groaned at the sensation, pulling off her nipple with a pop. “You need to cum, again, don’t you?”

She nodded jerkily, and Tim reached between their bodies to rub at her clit in firm circles that had her rolling her hips up to where he was snapping into her, taking her the way she’d been dreaming of for an embarrassingly long time, except better, so much better than anything she could’ve thought up with herself.

“C’mon, baby,” he murmured in her ear. “One more. Give me one more. You can do it.”

Her clit was throbbing, and she was clenching around him like a vise, the stretch of his cock inside her driving her insane, and all she could think about was what his face would look like when he came, that the man she loved was going to make her cum as he fucked her. She was a complete mess; writhing beneath him, bucking her hips as he fucked her, pulling him down for a kiss.

“Cum for me, Lea,” he growled against her lips. “No one else could ever fuck you like I can, could ever make you feel like this. Cum for me.”

Her body obeyed the command, and she screamed her pleasure.

This seemed to be too much for him, as his hips began to stutter before her orgasm had stopped entirely.

“Are— are you on birth control?” he forced out.

Lea nodded lazily, her limbs feeling heavy and boneless after yet another extremely strong orgasm. “Inside me, please,” she said softly.

“Fuck,” he groaned, suddenly leaning down to wrap his arms around her and clutch her to his chest. “Lea, my Lea. Gonna cum, you’re gonna make me cum—“

She wrapped her arms around his back, holding him close and burying her face in his neck.

“Gonna fill this pussy, babydoll,” he moaned. “Oh fuck, yes—“ With that, he groaned in the back of his throat, his cock still pumping in and out of her, and she knew he’d cum and was fucking it up into her.

After a few more seconds, his thrusts slowed and then stopped, and he pulled out of her and rolled off her to lay beside her on the bed.

Lea was exhausted, her eyes fluttering shut without her consent. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I know I’m supposed to go, but—“

“Go?” he scoffed, still panting. “I didn’t say you could go. You’re mine now, remember? You’re not leaving.”

Lea flushed, curling up against him as he propped himself up a bit and reached for his bedside table for a cigarette and his lighter. He put the cigarette in his mouth and lit it, inhaling deeply. She watched him, wondering what they were now, what this meant for their friendship.

“What is it?” he wanted to know, brushing stray curls from her eyes.

“Nothing,” she told him, resting her chin on his chest and continuing to watch him. “I just like looking at you.” He smiled, taking another drag of his cigarette and exhaling slowly before leaning down to kiss her. He tasted like menthol and smoke, but god, she loved him so much. “I like looking at you, too.” He trailed his hand up and down her side, his fingertips grazing her breast. “Especially like this.”

First smut of the fic! It’s 60k long anybody wanna take a guess as to how many smut scenes it’ll have? 🤔

Tag list: @meetmyothersouls @ellamaianderson @shika1200 @blackqueenstarseed1 @gatoenlaciudad @esmaada @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @softhecreator @timolaurence @timmymyluv @oddlyenoughiamweird @leecrunchybones @s-we-e-t-t-ea @almostg @vampire-reanimator

To be added, please ask 💗

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vtforpedro · 2 years

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medical/personal TW in tags

man idek where to begin. I'm in crisis at the moment so this might be scattered or I make typos, but things are worsening and I'm not getting any help hit eight weeks bed bound yesterday. my mom is the one I have to rely on for financial stuff and she can barely work being my caregiver for about 21 hours a day. I asked my doctor a couple of weeks ago if I could be admitted to the hospital or if he knew how I could get home health aid (a nurse basically) and he said for both I need a diagnosis except they've been twiddling their thumbs not helping me get one. it took my doctor three weeks to even call me back after the lumbar puncture. took another three to have a telehealth appointment???? where they were like OH MAN THIS IS URGENT! MRI STAT! and that was June 6th. guess who hasn't had their MRIs yet lmao because I called four fucking times. FOUR TIMES. to schedule these MRIs after he ordered them to be done at a hospital closer to me (didn't even know there was one). it took the fourth phone call for anyone to look "further" into my chart (her words) and find they needed prior authorization for stat/urgent MRIs and sent a request to my doctor on June 7th. he said he didn't get anything and put the blame on me, of course, despite me telling him I called them numerous times like it's not my fucking job. none of this is my job. I am not the front desk, MA, nurse, doctor, insurance, etc. that is not me, yet they expect patients to be all of them and when it goes wrong, it's our fault. it's genuinely so maddening my spine is fucked. I don't know what's wrong with it but if I tweak it just slightly it takes me out for days, sometimes a week or more. it feels like a repeated injury and I can feel it the second it goes wrong. any pressure, even just a touch, on my spine causes immediate reactions in my spine, neck, and brain? it's horrific. it's so so so fucking horrifying I can't properly describe it other than that. if I sit down too fast, bend too far forward, get bent even slightly backward, the immediate pain in my lumbar spine is terrifying. I'm getting a bunch of other things happening during this like tightening on my thigh muscles only in the back of my thighs. it feels like something is wrapped around the muscle putting pressure on it feels like ants are biting my feet. literally it feels like numerous ants bite my toes, top of my feet, and my achilles tendon. lol. just what the fuck sometimes when I walk it feels like my leg is going to give out. sometimes it has, though I have not fallen yet. it gives out in my upper thigh/pelvis area speaking of that area!!!! the nerve pain that goes through it :))))) the pain in my hip and pelvis at random moments :)))))) for seemingly no reason :))))))) I'm at this weird junction between low and high pressure. my doctor says I can't have both. fucking try me. I do have symptoms of both, though I have gone back to more low than high, but they are both still present. which means I get to experience similar symptoms that pressures share at the same time!!!! I'm a medical miracle :))))) they should study me :))))))))) I told my mom because it's been SO LONG since this started, I bet they don't find a spinal leak. I bet they don't find shit and consider that this is all high pressure and I should start a medication I am not comfortable starting again when I experience low pressure symptoms because it is d a n g e r o u s because I'll be angry, upset, teary, anxious, concerned while they tell me they can't find what's causing it immediately so uhhhh it's all in my head, they'll recommend talking to my psychiatrist lmao I've played this game for 2.5 years, I know how it's going to go I rescheduled my hematology appt three times before we had to say we'll call when we're ready. it's been almost 9 months since my cancer numbers were checked. we were doing every 3, but this was the first 6 months out. god knows when I'll be able to go do labs, so it'll probably be closer to 10 months if I can even last that long. which I do not think I can and for the reasons I'll explain next as a quick related mention, I had a nightmare two nights ago that we finally did labs and my cancer was back with a vengeance. this is what I'm having nightmares about lol my original number was like 1.7 which was super low, early disease, lucky to catch it kinda thing, but I dreamed it was 11.6 and my hematologist was very serious about it I can't treat it btw. my body is not strong enough. I was on chemo less than two months altogether because it nearly killed me twice and she said my body is going to react that way with likely every oral chemo pill. so we just gotta hope it doesn't come back because I can't tolerate what will help fucking cancer looooool my GI system is fucked. idek if it's my GI system. my GI doc was very 'man idk wtf is happening but let's do a CT and if we can't find anything, let's go further' (I don't like this dude at all, go figure, but he's the only doctor I have willing to go further to help). guesssss who hasn't been able to do the CT because of all of this lmaaaao so my lower right abdomen is very painful. always. it is slightly swollen. I pressed against it in the shower a few weeks ago and the pain nearly took me out lol it also felt like something hard-ish was there and it was not the same on the left side. I'm afraid I might have appendicitis because of the 'release pain' thing and that my appendix might rupture at any moment because we haven't been able to look because I've been bed bound for two months :) my teeth are fucked!!!!! I've been sobbing all morning because I finally figured out what's been happening for the last like six weeks. I first felt it in my right upper middle tooth. it was moving slightly and making this weird popping sensation. after the LP my oral hygiene was almost nonexistent for two weeks due to the fact that I could not stand for longer than to pee before I was crying b/c of the agony. but once I felt this tooth, I worked through all of it and have been taking better care of my teeth than I have in a few years (thanks, depression) exceeeept it doesn't matter. in six weeks I have felt my bite shifting, I have watched a gap close, I have felt floss get harder to use, I have felt a deeper area in between my teeth with floss, and just this morning when I gently bit down and felt with my tongue, I realized all lower teeth, mostly the molars, are moving inward toward my tongue. I thought I saw that less than a week ago but then thought I was crazy. but nah. that's what is happening. my top teeth sit on my lower teeth in such a way I can feel how much they're starting lean toward my tongue. my teeth are also crowding and moving forward during all of this, which has closed a tiny gap and made it more difficult to get floss in n e ways this is at least moderate if not severe, rapid periodontal disease, which is irreversible, an emergency to stop/slow/manage it with in-depth dental work. like I need to get to the dentist this week because in six weeks and even more in the last two, my teeth are RAPIDLY shifting. I don't have dental insurance haha :) I'm bed bound haha :) I've been sobbing because of that, but more too, because it's particularly dangerous for me. periodontal disease is an infection where the bacteria eat at your teeth and jaw bones, causing all of the things above ^ and even worse, it can cause heart and lung problems. which is why dental stuff kills people. my teeth are super strong, pretty straight on their own, and I have had one adult cavity. that is all GONE NOW. it's just fucking gone in weeks???? (also: there's a possible correlation between spinal leaks and dental problems isn't that interesting) WORSE STILL and also why I have been sobbing is that this shit can get into the bloodstream. I have leukemia, and even tho it is hopefully still in remission, my labs have never returned to normal, which means we can't call it molecular remission? so I'm at the point of it being more likely to come back and an infection in my bloodstream, which is totally possible from my teeth going to shit, is Very Bad Not Good Terrible for me so I already have to worry about the stress, injury, and lack of being healthy (strong) bringing my cancer out of remission and now I have to worry about this lol I'm also having a hard time swallowing pills which is steadily worsening. food not so much yet, but I think it's coming. it's not my thyroid (though I'm due for an ultrasound and blood work in august), so I have no idea what it is. it's a daily problem and a few times have caused me extreme distress because I can't get a pill to go down my throat without drinking almost a full bottle of water I know you can have disorders of the area at the bottom of your throat and also that the goiter I have from hypothyroidism/hashimoto's can cause this so idk. can't even go to my doctor and figure this out can't go to any doctor to figure anything out while my body is falling apart as I type and a couple of these things if not all of them can be serious I've dreamed of lining up every medical provider I've seen in the last 2.5 years to tell them, looking in their eyes, how fucking wrong they were and how right I was because I know what I'm feeling in my body. I dream of this. I rant in the shower to these people I'll never in my life see again about how horrific they were to me and how wrong they were thinking everything was anxiety now I dream of suing them. I genuinely believe I have a malpractice case (been reading into it a bit) as far as the lumbar puncture and lack of care I've received after it. truly, truly think I do. I've definitely been failed by this whole team, and I've got the mental anguish to prove it lmao I've got the endless calls for over a month and messages to my doctor to prove I've been trying and they've been failing to get me care I don't think I have the energy for it. I'm still working with a disability attorney. I'd have to switch my entire neurological care elsewhere and I'm at 'the' neuro hospital in my state, so will I find better or worse care elsewhere? but I'm being urged by friends to sue at this point because this is far, far beyond what should have happened to me it isn't right and it isn't fair I keep asking my mom during the worst pain and torture of this to kill me. I've asked her to leave and let me kill myself. I'm not in my right mind when the worst is happening and this is severely hurting both me and my mom. I've asked her to sue them when I'm gone because she'll have plenty to prove and deserves damages for what they did to me things are not good and I don't see them getting better. my therapist has to keep asking me if I'm going to kill myself and I say no, but I feel like one more thing going wrong (such as my teeth today) is gonna change that. sometimes I want to tell her the only reason I haven't is because I'm bed bound and it'd be difficult to do right now lmao but I keep fantasizing about how it'd all go. it gets worse the longer I'm here, the more my mom and I fight (it's been awful. so much nasty, unnecessary fighting with the only person I stay alive for), and the more things that keep going downhill. I obviously can't go to a psychiatric hospital because I have such bad health problems it's not feasible, nor is it something I want. I've heard too many horror stories anyway. my therapist says it's not the right place for me at this moment or maybe ever. so that's completely off the table and always will be idk what to do. I keep writing in a google doc to myself all the things I need to hear to stay, what I should live for, what I need to think about in times of crisis like this. I read websites that walk you through an ongoing, extreme crisis. I don't think my mental health can get any worse than this and it's all, all, ALL to do with my physical health. I wouldn't think like this if I didn't have these medical problems so yeah idk what to do. I'm sorry if this was too much or a lot or if it hurts/triggers anyone. it's just where I'm at and it helps me to blog about it even if I wish I could say it was getting better. I've been wishing for a long time that I could finally write a blog and say 'things are getting better. things are improving. I'm on my way out of this hell' but I've never been able to, and I don't know what to do about it anymore. it feels like I have one option and I don't want to feel that way but I do. I wish the medical field was better here and hadn't failed me like this. it's unfortunate that they have I wish I could tell my story for all of them to hear

#personal #medical #tw medical #vtforpedro personal #long #long post #LOOOOOOOONG post #tw mental health #tw bad thoughts #this is all bad pls don't read if you're not in a place to read All Bad #anyway I'm sorry for this post #sorry for all these kinds of posts #i love you all #please be safe and take care

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marshmallowsqoosh · 1 year

Text

[Ghost(Band) | Death Do Us Part]

Fandom: Ghost (Band) Title (also AO3 link): Death Do Us Part Rating: General-Teen CW: Canon Character Death, non-canon Character Death Lesser Warnings: Reference to viscera, headcanon galore, headcanon names for the Papas [*s h r u g s*], Omega3 ship if you squint??? I’ll write explicitly stated Omega3 one day.

Summary: Every Ghoul has some capacity to heal. Water Ghouls may be the most efficient, but all of them are capable in some capacity. Some are more destructive and some... simply give more. A/N: There was a totally logical reason for me to have written this but I don’t remember what it is anymore lmao. Alternate version of the brothers’ deaths, in which the Ghoulies didn’t die with the Papas.

... On a lesser(?) note, I choose to believe that Nihil didn’t actually hate his sons enough to call them one/two/three and use headcanon names for them that will be gone over in different pieces; for this one, Valentino is used for Terzo... and Special chooses to call him Vale (val-eh) for short. Think that was all, enjoy :3

As usual, I do not have a beta reader, so if you spot typos or weird spots please lemme know ♥

Extras: Status (And AO3 Link): Complete! Word Count: 1.783

[Death Do Us Part]

Copia comes to him for help.

Even in shock, himself, he manages to stop the remaining members of the upper clergy from banishing him. Omega presses his back further to the corner, growl still building in his throat and tail lashing, violently, from side to side.

"Please… help them—"

"Help them? Help them!? After everything they've done, why should I?" He felt every other death. Alpha. Water. Air. Earth. Drowned. Electrocuted. Suffocated. Burned alive. Special's still alive. He doesn't know where Cowbell is, but he hopes he got away. Special, though—

"Not for them—for Special, please, help him—"

Distract him, so he can be banished. So they both can be. … But if it gets him to where Terzo is…

The path down to the morgue is littered in bodies and viscera and splatter. Copia looks like he's going to be ill, despite doing his best to keep his attention forward. It doesn't help much with the scent or the carnage left in Special's wake. Omega feels the anger long before they reach the doors, torn clean off their hinges. He watches the Arch-Bishops, cautiously.

He doesn't speak up until Copia finally dismisses them, until he's certain they're gone. "I can't possibly imagine how any of you figured this would go differently."

"It wasn't… supposed to be like this. Not this. None of this—"

In a clearer mind, Omega might recognise that Copia wouldn't resort to this level of vengeance. But, Omega doesn't have it in him, neither to filter his response nor curb his own anger any further.

"You knew you were to ascend eventually… did you really think she would let anything stand in your way? I hope the price was worth it, Papa."

Copia isn't ready. He flinches away from the word and Omega knows… he isn't ready for what's coming. Not with this hanging over his head. He takes a deep breath and finally steps over the broken doors to the morgue, taking only a moment to marvel that Special tore straight through them.

He's sitting on the operating table, hunched over himself as he straddles Terzo's midsection. His claws dig, desperately, at his mask and head, like he's trying to pull his hair. Omega's never seen his wings—or… any Ghoul's, now that he considers it. He knew they had wings, but he's never seen them formed or even thought about how they emerged. Shreds and tattered rags of his uniform hang from the wings and he finally realises the other Ghoul is… grinding his teeth together to keep from sobbing or screaming.

His head snaps up, wings flaring out to their full span when noise draws his attention. The anger drains when he finds Omega and his eyes return to normal—true normal. Not the mask of a fire ghoul; the purple glows harshly against the void beneath the mask

"It isn't working… why isn't it working, nothing's working, I've tried everything, he won't wake up—" His mask makes a horrific noise as he drags his claws down it. Omega's surprised he hasn't torn through it yet. "Every element can heal… every element can heal and I am everything, why can't I do this!?" He snaps both horns on his mask, but it doesn't seem to bother him. His physical horns… are shorter than most Ghouls… Omega hopes he missed snapping his physical horns and carefully makes his way over, taking a gentle hold of both wrists.

"Special… you can't heal the dead. You know that."

He does his best not to look at the body. He doesn't want to acknowledge it more than he already has. Special curls further over himself, as best he can with Omega holding his wrists, wings pulled close to his body in security and in an attempt to cover Terzo more thoroughly.

"We are… everything. Why not?"

Everything… Special was everything. Fire was the beat of a heart. Water, the blood in the veins. Air, the breath of life. Earth, the fibers of bone and muscle and flesh that held everything together. … And soul. Terzo traded his soul for them.

He finally releases Special's wrists. "… Special? Try one more time. … I'll help you."

Special doesn't… appear to realise what Omega's trying to do; but, he doesn't argue the order, either. His hands and eyes glow in alternating colours as he cradles Terzo's face, mindful not to dig his claws in, even as he tenses and tries to blink through the tears. Omega doesn't hear what he says, words lost in the echo and growl of old enochian scriptures.

Omega places a hand over Terzo's chest, as gently and discreetly as possible, mindful not to interrupt or distract Special. He can feel the blood running again. He feels the sudden beating of the heart and sees that little bit of colour returning to Terzo's face. His chest barely raises with the tiniest breath… and then another. And another until he's finally breathing… labouriously, but in regular intervals at least.

He thinks Special tries to tell him they did it—but he's also realised what they did. Omega nearly collapses over the body. He thinks he hears Special talking to him—begging him not to go. He barely manages to stop Special trying to heal him… they can’t both leave Terzo alone with this. He can’t say as much; he can barely hold his form. Maybe he could have held back, returned less of the soul he was given… but he had to know it was enough.

He hopes, against all probability, Lucifer will see it… beneficial for Omga to return to Terzo. Whether by letting him out of Hell alone, again, or if Terzo manages to recover enough to perform another summoning…. something more intimate, this time, perhaps.

A personal ghoul, maybe.

Anything that lets him be Terzo's again.

♠

Special feels his wings retracting into his void form as the shock sets in. He gently picks up Omega's mask—the only thing left from his void dissipating, aside from a stain of void on the morgue operating table and Terzo's vestments. His ears perk when he hears a cough beneath him and hastily climbs down from the table, hugging the mask tightly. Hopefully.

For a few moments, Terzo struggles to breathe; but, he manages and even opens his eyes. He barely looks around the room for more than a moment—long enough to take the scene of carnage in and spot his brothers' bodies—before he finds Special. It takes him an effort to sit up; even with Special helping him, he's still clearly going through the shock of dying and coming back; of realising his brothers aren't coming back; of… probably realising that Omega's gone, too.

He opens his mouth, like he's going to ask. Special feels the smallest flicker of hope from his summoner—hope that he's wrong; but, his mouth closes, slowly, and Special feels the hope plummet into guilt and heartbreak as he cautiously holds the mask out for Terzo to take. He doesn't know how to make… this kind of pain go away, or even just hurt a little less.

"... Vale…? Vale, you have to give me an order, I can't just shadow walk you without an order—it isn't safe here—"

That much is obvious. Special's not even sure he's strong enough to shadow walk a human, even his summoner. He's barely holding together as is, even with Omega's help, but Terzo needs to be safe.

"No… it isn't, you're right, but… we will not run."

Special feels something cold trying to spread through his void. They can't give up, not after Omega died for this—

But it doesn't feel like giving up. Terzo is… furious. Heartbroken and angry and… vengeful. Special tilts his head, attention going to the door when he hears movement. Terzo raises his eyes, meeting Copia's evenly. There's a moment of silence between the two—Special might finally appreciate that Copia is more than a little distraught, though he can't determine if it's from the chaos or that Terzo's sitting up and clearly not dead. When Copia doesn't attempt to say anything, Terzo finally speaks back up, one hand settling gently on Special's head to keep him quiet and close.

"... We will cooperate. Provided there are no more attempts such as this. I will see to Special's punishment, that he’s upgraded to the era four masks and uniforms, and any further arrangements for my brothers. See to it that the dearest Sister knows that our Dark Father is most displeased right now… and that it isn't his wrath she needs worry."

Terzo has a plan. Or, at the very least, he has a direction he wants to go. Special falls into place, just behind his shoulder, opposite of where Omega would normally walk, and watches his back the entire time they move through the Ministry.

Hushed whispers follow them; the entire Ministry must already know the brothers "died, suddenly"… and yet, here's one walking about. No one stops them. Terzo doesn't stop until he's back in his room. He sets Omega's mask on his desk, gently. Special stays at the door, wringing his tail, worriedly, in a death grip.

"... Did any of the others…?"

"I… I sent Bell away, before they could banish him. He's safe." For now. Cirice will be the first place they look, if they’re still invested in this asinine slaughter, and he knows she can handle herself. Even if she were who Cowbell was sent to, he’s confident she’d never betray Terzo’s trust. … But, he also wouldn’t force her to protect any of them. They won’t find the Ghoul and they'll run out of leads long before they ever figure out where he’s been sent. "… I couldn't get to anyone else in time…"

"I see… The three of you will have survived and I am grateful…we will need to tread carefully." When Special finally raises his head, he feels a horrifying chill clawing its way up his back. Terzo doesn't meet his eye; he doesn't appear to be looking at anything in particular, but he is furious. His eyes burn, even as his voice freezes the room.

"I will not let them take another one of you from me… I just need time… I need to know this is real."

Special nods, slowly. He's finally starting to process, now that the adrenaline is leaving him. The three of you… Special frowns. He knows Omega's being counted, but Terzo isn't in any shape to perform a summoning, especially not that one.

"… And 'Mega?"

"... They will regret taking him from me. If it's the last damn thing I do, they will regret taking him—all of them from me."

#sqooshy writes #ghost band #rating: general #rating: teen #terzo #omega ghoul #special ghoul #papa emeritus iii #one shot #ao3 link #cw: canon character death

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teddybeartoji · 3 months

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hi mickey!! i’ve been on an off adhd meds for about 4 years so i’ll tell you my experiences with the two i’ve been on ☺️

the first one i was ever on was adderall and the first day i took it i genuinely got the worst stomach ache of my life. had to leave school early it was sooooo bad. but that happened ONCE and then never again so it was all good. genuinely helped me focus, for the 2ish weeks i was on it i did really well in school which was abnormal to me. i was on the lowest dosage though and i felt like i became kind of immune to it very quick so they upped me to the next dose and i unfortunately cant remember how that went at all but i figure it didn’t do much for me bc i switched meds.

the med i’ve been on longer is vyvanse which i have a love hate relationship with…bc. well. it makes me genuinely sick, like it just completely gets rid of your appetite. the idea of food, smelling food, looking at it, eating it. just can’t do it. i either eat before it or when it first kicks in bc unfortunately if you don’t eat while you’re on it the effects are worse. like you have to fight through the sickness so you don’t feel sicker? it also makes me wayyyyy social, takes away so much of my anxiety and makes me feel happy. my therapist said it’s because adhd can manifest as anxiety often times so it’s counteracting that. i don’t have an active prescription but i had one last year so literally like 2 weeks ago i had to do a shit tone of homework and i took the rest of my pills over the course of the week. and i got soooooooooooo much more work done than i did all quarter so that was great.

the crash after is INSANE though. it’s not uncommon to feel like super sad when it wears off and i vividly remember crying in school at the end of the day once bc it was wearing off and i started having an existential crisis. the nap after also crazy like just totally knocked out for hours. and the focusing and happiness will be gone but the icky stomach feeling will linger until u eat.

that’s just my experience but i hope it helped a bit :)

HII RO<333333 THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS WITH MEEE!!!!!! it's so good to hear genuine experiences bc they can just differ so so so much. i had never heard about vyvanse so i wrote that one down for myself.

it sucks that the side effects can vary so much........ like damn can the medication just be Medication instead of taking away one thing and replacing that with like three smaller things??????? pls. when i got my antidepressants my friend told me all about her first two weeks (we had the same meds with the same dosage). she was like yeah you definitely have to eat before you take them or you'll get super sick, you have to take them almost at the exact time every day or you'll get sick + she had like stomach aches and she felt like she was gonna throw up a lot so she was just constantly chewing gum for the first two weeks and that scared the fuck out of me. bc. that's a lot of things lmao like is it even worth it all of that???? but then i had absolutely none of that NONE OF IT. the only time i feel sick is when i forget to take them...... but it's still good to know how it is for other so i can atleast BE READY FOR IT.

ok but you don't take them daily though right? just when you know you're gonna be more busy? is that just because you don't feel like you have to take them daily or you don't want to? my friend kind of does the same but the thing is... i am literally unemployed rn and i don't have school or anything but i still feel like i can't focus on anything so i'd probably be taking them on a daily basis anyway.. and i'm just wondering whether that's a bad thing or not. maybe it just depends on how well they actually work and whether or not they give me any big side effects............ sighh it's so upsetting that you just have to Try Them. pay for the session buy the meds probably suffer for some time just as an experiment lmao i love it

it's really good to hear that it helps with your anxiety too btw!!! i didn't know that it could do that and this is just making me wanna try it out even more i'd love to Not Be Anxious. whew what a crazy thought.

but i am very very very scared of the appetite loss though bc well...... i struggle with that anyway i just kind of forget about it and it's such a big task so the thought of taking something that could possibly make that even worse.............. is scary lmao this was one of the things my psychiatrist warned me about too

oh and also the crash after it......................... MMMMMMMM yeah that's a bit scary too just considering i tend to go through every single feeling and emotion on a daily basis anyway thanks to my good old friend autism. SIGHHHHH WHY IS IT HARD BEING OFF MEDS AND WHY IS IT HARD BEING ON MEDS PLSSSS

oke i kinda yapped but genuinely THANK YOUUU FOR TELLING ME ABOUT UR EXPERIENCE!!!!! now i know what to expect a bit more!!!! i hope you're having a good good day<333 love u MWAHH

#THANK UUUUUUU #i appreciate u sm!!!!#gonna go and look for an appointment time rnnnn #sigh i love being an experiment #ro <3 #friends!!

0 notes

purplesurveys · 1 year

Text

1684

1. What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? I am just so so so SO excited for my trip to Thailand with friends. Since getting employed three years ago this will be my first Legit Break/Vacation, so it feels deserved and not as though I’m ~abandoning ship. Like yeah we have a string of events happening on the days I’m gone but for the first time ever I don’t actually feel guilty about missing them...because at this point, and probably for the first time in my career, I’m actually Tired. I just really need this breather.

Then immediately after Bangkok, my family and I are flying out to Malaysia also for a vacation, so the next two weeks will definitely feel like a breath of fresh air. It’ll suck when I’m back and have to catch up on everything I’ll miss, but at least for those two weeks I’ll remember to stay in the moment.

2. What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? Last Friday we had an event where it was supposed to be reservation-only for 75 pax, but then none of the motherfuckers who RSVP’d actually showed up and I was on the brink of hyperventilating because we had spent a fuckton’s worth of money for that event nobody arrived at and it was quickly becoming the worst flop of my career thus far – until we made the last-minute call to turn it into a public, free for all event. People poured in, people were dancing, and everyone had fun, and by the end of the night I was able to relax and have a couple of Long Island Iced Teas to finally loosen the fuck up lmao.

3. Name somewhere you are planning on visiting in the near future? Seoul is definitely the next goal, after Bangkok. But ugh visa stuff is so much work idk when I’ll be able to find the energy to drag my ass to power through the requirements.

4. How often do you go grocery shopping and how much food do you usually get in one go? We usually do it once every two weeks, and we just get the same things every time – so essentials like meat, veggies, eggs, once in a while we’ll get frozen snacks like hotdogs and fries, then instant products like coffee and noodles. We’re not a very snack-y family to begin with so we never get junk food.

5. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? Our meals are varied enough to the point that I can’t say I eat one thing more often than the others...but it’s a different story when we eat out. More or less, 8 out of 10 times we go with Japanese cuisine.

6. When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? TODAY LOL. My associate's fresh off a breakup and this week she’s been so out of it work-wise that it’s already led to a couple of delays and a handful of mistakes I have had to fix and stuff that she forgets to do. It’s a difficult situation to be in because I can’t exactly call her out given her vulnerable situation, but it also gets unbearable when mistakes are made by the hour. I’ve been telling her to take a leave partly because I want her to take care of herself, but also because I can’t handle any more mistakes that arise purely because of personal issues. I think she thinks I’m only saying it to be nice, but honestly, if you’re going through some shit, please file the leave and look out for yourself.

7. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? Eh it was me initially wanting to do this work task but ended up delegating to my newest associate so she can learn how to do it herself, since it’ll be her first time doing so.

8. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? Lui; we attended a listening party that I was happening to manage/run.

9. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else's dreams? It’s usually just me in bizarre situations. No, I never think about that.

10. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? I hope Athenna has since come to the realization that she really used to have the tendency to be a shit person with intense anger management issues. I say tendency because she wasn’t always, and she would sometimes go out of her way to do Nice Friend Things for me; but when she was shitty, she really was.

11. Instead of flat earth, what do you think of the simulated earth theory, that we're basically all just a giant computer program or virtual reality? The jokes about us being Sims and it being the reason why we’ll sometimes forget why we walked into a room are funny, but it’s not something I legitimately subscribe to.

12. What worries you most about your future? Being stagnant.

13. What is something you do to feel better when you're scared? Watch BTS or have a quick play session with my dogs.

14. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Myself.

15. What makes you trust someone? When was the last time someone broke your trust? If I’ve spent enough time with someone I’ll usually get that a-ha moment where I sort of determine on my own, quietly, that I can trust them. Last time someone broke my trust...hmm. Not a lot of drama in my life recently but the closest incident that matches this is probably when my now-previous associate, Erin, filed her resignation just a week after she said she was very happy and was still very excited to keep learning. Like...what was the point of lying the week before lmao. This incident is more threw-me-off-guard than broke-my-trust, but still.

16. When was the last time you shared a secret with someone, and how did they react? This afternoon. Eh idk how to describe it, they just reacted the way I expected that person to react knowing their personality.

17. Are you more likely to give advice or to ask for it? Give.

18. When was the last time you felt totally lost, figuratively speaking? How about literally? Figuratively, around October 2022. Literally, last April when I had to drive home from Manila with 2% battery on my phone.

19. In what ways are you emotionally strong? In what ways are you emotionally weak? Strong: I’m pretty resilient and I’ve always been adamant and stubborn about proving myself no matter what it takes; this is also because I hate the idea of losing or people looking down on me.

Weak: I think one mistake, regardless of context or situation, is the end of the world and I will overthink mistakes to death. Criticism also bothers me (internally – although on the outside I can always fake it and make it look like I’m taking it in stride).

20. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? I don’t even remember the title but anyway it was a boring read.

21. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? I don’t have a preference on audience size. About things I refuse to watch alone – none.

22. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? Last thing I broke was errrr Agi’s diaper? I was figuring out how it worked when I inadvertently ruined the Velcro for it hahaha. Idk the last thing I fixed; I’m not usually able to fix stuff.

23. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? Just stuff related to BTS - the two doors, 613, 00:00, 7, the color purple.

24. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? Nope.

25. What do you get complimented on the most? My writing.

26. What is something unusual that you find attractive? Arm hair as long as it’s not excessive. 100% because BTS members are always white-washed and Photoshopped to death that when I see airport or off-stage photos of them with actual normal human HAIR on their bodies I pop as fuck.

27. What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? I have my first and last meal of the day anywhere from 6-7 PM.

28. What was the subject of the last video you watched? Can’t remember...I think it was a snippet of a vlog from one of the vloggers I normally watch.

29. When was the last time you traveled out of town, and where to? We went to Laguna last weekend to visit family.

30. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? Namjooning minus the nature and bicycles.

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mizunetzu · 3 years

Note

can I request bakugou x male reader where femboyreader is smol, pretty quite and nice, and suprisingly are really ruthless on the battlefield and bakugou is just wondering where he got it from. Until next week bakugou meets his father's and brothers and all of them are tall and very manly men. But civil and nice. Hope you have a nice day,😊

LMAO THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE

——————

Bakugou x reader - My Cute Boyfriend and His Tough-Ass Family

⚠️warnings - femboy reader, if that’s a trigger?

Pronouns - male, he/him

——————

Bakugou didn’t know where it came from.

One minute he was small and weak, wearing a new, girly hair pin everyday and complimenting one of the girls on their newly painted nails. The next thing he knew, he was just as batshit crazy as him during hero practice.

“Eat shit and die!” Bakugou flung across the air, sending a big blast over to (Y/n’s) location. (Y/n) sped away, dodging it with his quirk. He growled.

“Go to fucking hell!”

“Like hell I would, shit-for-brains! Suck my dick!” Bakugou landed on the ground, softening the impact with a blast pointed towards the floor. He stood there, a few good feet away from (Y/n). They were both breathing heavily, glaring down each other like they wanted to absolutely murder the other.

(Y/n) let out a piercing battle cry, before charging head first towards Bakugou and bringing his arms out to tackle him. Bakugou followed suite, charging towards him like a bull with his arm outstretched to deck him in the face.

They got closer and closer, Bakugou’s flashy explosions igniting in the air while (Y/n’s) quirk began to power up. Closer, closer, until-

“Times up!”

All might yelled over the intercom, and both students skidded awkwardly to a stop. Bakugou tumbled over with an angry shout, and (Y/n) sputtered, tripping over Bakugou’s torso making him fall to the ground as well.

“Get offa’ me, crossdresser!”

“I’m not a crossdresser, spiky bitch!”

“Your hero costume is literally a fucking skirt-!”

“Alright alright, young men! The battle is over, no need to keep fighting!” All Might awkwardly chuckled from the intercom. (Y/n) pouted, and swept himself off of Bakugou. Bakugou scoffed aswell, not even looking at (Y/n) as they both walked towards the observation building.

——

“Aaah! Katsuki! I’m sorry for yelling at you during hero training today!”

(Y/n) jogged up to Bakugou, gently clutching his backpack straps and slowing down to a walk. Bakugou huffed. There he went again, that totally insane side of him that came from absolutely nowhere was gone.

“Like I care, shit-for-brains.”

“A-anyways,” (Y/n) cleared his throat. “Do you wanna study at my house today? Or just...y’know, hangout?”

(Y/n) blushed as he ended his question. Bakugou stared down at him. If he told someone this was the same person yelling insults and profanities on the battlefield while fucking shit up, they’d think he was lying.

“(Y/n’s) house?” Bakugou mumbled to himself. “I don’t think I’ve ever been there before...”

“Sorry, did you say something? You’re not really the type to mumb-“

“I didn’t say shit, shittyass! Go die!” Bakugou yelled. (Y/n) chuckled.

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t think you’ve ever been to my house either.” (Y/n) sighed. Bakugou scoffed and shoved his hands further down his pockets. “You better make a good impression on my family, or they probably won’t let me hang out with you anymore.”

His family was probably just as fragile and dainty as him, was what Bakugou thought. He already saw the hugs and kisses and the “Hello, Mrs. and Mr. (L/n)” he’d have to choke out. He rolled his eyes.

“Whatever.”

——

“I’m home!”

A woman’s voice echoed through the house as (Y/n) and Bakugou both took off their shoes.

“Welcome back!”

“I brought my boyfriend over mom! Bakugou Katsuki-the one I was telling you about!”

He heard his mom gasp and timper into the entrance of the house, wearing an apron and holding a wooden spoon. Bakugou was right. Dainty, fragile mother; dainty, fragile (Y/n).

Bakugou cleared his throat, suppressing the gag that was about to come out.

“P-pardon the intrusion.”

“...Ehhhh? (Y/n), don’t tell me you brought one of your little dress-up friends over.” A different voice came from behind both (Y/n) and Bakugou. A young, male voice. Bakugou whipped his head around.

“Haaah?!”

“Ooooh! Feisty!”

The boy, who couldn’t be older than a middle schooler, cracked his knuckles. There was something so familiar about the way he talked.

“What’d you say to me, you extra?!”

“K-katsuki...” (Y/n) whisper-yelled, wrapping his arms around Bakugou in attempts to hold him back. The boy laughed in his face.

Just as the boy was about to say something, an older boy chopped him in the back of the neck, effectively subduing the smaller one.

“Shut up! (Y/n) said he was bringing his boyfriend over! Don’t scare him away like we do all of his other friends.”

Bakugou looked up at the older one. He looked about his age, but damn was he tall. And muscular too. The boy from before may have been at least athletic-looking, but this guy just...

“W-who the hell-?!”

“Now, now boys. Don’t need to get so physical.” A deeper, throaty voice came from down the hallway, it’s heavy footsteps growing louder and louder as it came closer. A tall, well built man came through the hall, crossing his arms. You could clearly see his muscles bulge through his office shirt. “Did you all come back from school? Welcome back.”

All three boys chorused out a string of hellos. Bakugou looked from who he assumed was the dad, then the two boys, than (Y/n).

There was no way in hell they were related.

“Are-“ Bakugou croaked. “Are you adopted or something?!”

“Katsuki!”

His mother laughed, covering her mouth with her free hand. (Y/n’s) mother was the only one who Bakugou would assume was, well, his mother. But these...men?

“You’re probably the only person who didn’t go running once they saw these boys in our house, Katsuki. A lot of (Y/n’s) little friends go running because Natsu teases them too much or Kaito and his father scares them off.”

“This one’s different, mom!” (Y/n) intertwined his hands with Bakugou’s. “Sometimes I yell and get all bwaaah during training-but he doesn’t mind!”

“Oh, well that’s good,” (Y/n’s) father ran a hand through his hair. “That explains why he hasn’t ran off the moment we walked in.”

Bakugou blinked. (Y/n) leaned in close. “Trust me, it happened before.”

(Y/n) timpered off to greet his brothers. Bakugou looked between all 3 boys. Despite how built and tall these testosterone-soaked males were, the way they talked and carried themselves gave off the same energy (Y/n) did during hero training. Was that where he got it? From these...men?

(Y/n) was forced into a headlock, his brother laughing scrubbing at his forehead as (Y/n) groaned. He thrashed around, albeit laughing, and tried to pry off his brothers hands.

“Come on-I thought you were training to be a hero! Where’s your muscles, huh?”

“I could easily throw you into the sun, don’t start. You’re just jealous I look better in skirt than you do.”

“Bullshit! I’m sexy as fuck!” His grip was temporarily loosened, giving (Y/n) the opportunity to slip out. “It’s not my fault none of your skirts fit me!”

“...But you know who it would fit?” (Y/n’s) other brother, the middle schooler, turned mischievously towards Bakugou.

“Hell no.”

——

“I’m going to fucking murder you.”

“Hey, now. That’s not very hero-like.”

“Yeah Katsuki! Not very heroic of you.”

“Murder is no good. You’ll get (Y/n)-nii’s dress dirty.”

Bakugou shook with anger as he stood in (Y/n’s) room. He sported a pink, frilly, strawberry-pink dress, that had small strawberries littered around it and stopped below his knees. His muscles peeked through the soft thin material of the dress, and the way he stood with his legs spread apart angrily was hidden under the layers of pink.

“Oh! Oh! Wait!” (Y/n) stepped into his closet with an excited smile. After a few seconds of rustling and shoving away hangers, (Y/n) popped back out with a matching dress on. His dress, however, had a baby blue tint with small blueberries scattered across the fabric.

(Y/n) did a little twirl. “Don’t I look pretty, Katsuki?”

Bakugou, crossed his arms, doing whatever it took to suppress the blush growing on his face. “Sure...whatever.”

(Y/n) happily stood next to Bakugou, smoothing out the crinkles in his blueberry dress and grabbing hold of Bakugou’s hand. “Tada~! We match~”

“You guys look like the strawberry and blueberry milk boxes I buy from vending machines at school.”

“Haah?!” (Y/n) gripped Bakugou’s hand harder. “What’d you say?!”

Bakugou stole a glance at (Y/n’s) angry face. Not gonna lie, he thought it was a bit attractive when he looked like he was gonna beat up his own brother in a frilly blue dress. He pursed his lips.

These guys taught (Y/n) well. If (Y/n) wasn’t as intense as he was during hero work, he didn’t think he’d ever fall in love with him, not the same way he is right now, at least. He felt sorta glad his family wasn’t a soft, fragile family of extras. Bakugou closed his eyes, and smirked.

“Yeah! The fuck’d you say to us, you lil punks?!”

——————

#bnha x male reader #bnha x reader #bnha fic #bnha fanfiction #bnha bakugou #bnha x y/n #bakugou x y/n #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou x male reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo #mha bakugou #mha x male reader #mha x femboy reader #bnha x femboy reader #Bakugou x femboy reader

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empiressmpheadcanon · 2 years

Note

Consider: Evil Gem AU except not corrupted for once (shocking from me, I know)

I don’t have much it’s one of like five aus I was playing through in my head on the walk home and it was entirely based on 3 lines of dialogue but oh well XD

(Also I rewatched the kidnapping bit in Gem’s episode for reference and “you shouldn’t take eyeballs from strangers” had be struggling not to laugh out loud in the library lmao)

So this is set around the time of the kidnapping in canon except Scott doesn’t get taken as well, just Gem. So she’s stuck in the cell on her own, refusing to give up information on the dragon egg and trying to ignore the insults Sausage and Joey hurl at her.

A week passes. No one has come for her. Do they even care?

Two weeks. Fwhip’s probably still looking for her. None of the others would be though. Why would they? Not even her own allies like her. She sees the way they look at her and Fwhip and Sausage, especially after the ravine incident.

Three weeks. She’s surprised Sausage hasn’t given this up by now. Everyone else is probably glad she’s gone. No one is going to find her. Gem began to plan.

A month. She tells Sausage she’ll give him the egg. She knows she’s been abandoned by everyone, she says. What does it matter to her if their empires fall to the corruption?

As he lets her out she leans on him for support, citing a bad burn on her leg as the reason why. She can’t pull herself up the ladder, weak from her time stuck in the cell. Concerned, Sausage tells her to stay at his empire for a while, as a guest this time, and he’ll help her recover. She gratefully accepts, so much of the tension she didn’t realise she was holding draining out of her as she breathes fresh air for the first time in too long.

Gem had never been good at lying to Sausage. She’s learned.

That night she sneaks out of her room, aforementioned injuries nowhere in sight. Really, did Sausage think she’d been doing nothing while imprisoned? She’d done as much as she could whenever eyes were turned away, ready for a fight if need be.

When she enters the king’s quarters Sausage only has a moment of wakefulness before she throws down one of the sleep potions he’s so fond of. Let’s see how much he likes the damp and dingy cells.

(She’s under no illusions about the fact he’ll be found the next morning. The Mythland guards had a frequent rotation schedule. It was just the first part of her revenge.)

After a moment of hesitation her hands close around Sausage’s staff, and as the power floods through her she suddenly understands why he uses it. It’s intoxicating, and she doesn’t know if she can ever go back.

She walks right out of Mythland, and no one dares to stop her.

When Gen arrives home she pulls out a large map. She’s always been a planner, why should the destruction of the other empires be any different?

And the dialogue I didn’t even get to:

“Gem, you don’t have to do this. Whatever Xornoth promised you, it’s a lie. Just put the TNT down, we can work this out. Please.”

Gem looked down condescendingly at the pleading face of her brother and laughed. The sound sent shivers down the spines of everyone present, cruel and mocking.

“You think I’m doing this for Xornoth? Oh Fwhippy, you wish I was working for them. I’m far worse than they will ever be. And do you want to know why they haven’t sent one of their little minions after me again?” Fwhip didn’t answer, but she continued anyway, spreading her arms wide and laughing again. “Xornoth is scared of me! I’m so powerful that even a demon doesn’t interfere with me! So what does that say about your chances, hmm?”

“I don’t have much,” I said, you know, like a liar.

BUT ACTUALLY THIS GOT SO LONG OOP

I’ve had your corrupted Gem playlist on while writing this it’s such a bop

Gem offered to spare Fwhip’s empire if he joins her because she knows he would have been looking for her. He refuses of course, but she did offer.

Hehehe Gem gets to go feral and murder everyone

Also I’m picturing this Gem has a lot of burn marks because she was in there for a lot longer than in canon and got shot a lot. Since they were made with dark magic they glow faintly when she uses it which is both incredibly frantic and incredibly creepy, especially the large one that covers most of her neck and some of her face.

-🦊

YET ANOTHER BANGER FROM FOX ANON!!!

YEAHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS SM

Also thank u:)

*chanting* FERAL GEM FERAL GEM FERAL GEM FERAL GEM FERAL G

#Empires smp #geminitay #au #🦊 anon

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autisticandroids · 3 years

Note

yknow those episodes where a character's whole personality gets split into 3-5 different distinct separate bodies? what bodies would cas have? I feel like it'd just be a mess tbh, imagine 5 different castiels all of them loving dean to a certain extent but showing it VASTLY differently. one cas would literally want to murder the others lmao

okay so i don’t actually think this trope would be an effective tool for analyzing cas? he’s not conflicted enough in himself. he’s too impulsive, too singleminded, too uninhibited. like, in the end, cas always ends up doing whatever he wants. there aren’t multiple discrete voices vying for control, really, or rather, if there are, one is always significantly stronger than the others. like in the end cas will always end up eating raw meat off the floor, you know? he’ll do what he wants. if i was going to do personality splitting i’d do it to someone intensely internally conflicted, like dean.

however, because i’m in an essay writing mood today, i’ll answer a question slightly to the left of the one you asked. cas may not be internally conflicted, but he is intensely changeable. these two things are related, actually; the same impulsivity and singlemindedness that mean he doesn’t have a ton of internal conflict at any given time mean that different ideas sound good to him at different times, because he isn’t really thinking about, say, what future-him will think of them. and he’s not really trying to maintain an image or identity. he’s just doing what feels right at the time, which is very different at different times and in different situations.

anyway, that in mind, i think a lot about ways to bring together many alternate versions of cas which sort of correspond to different times in the show.

i have a fic in my head about a bunch of cas-es pulled from alternate timelines by some kind of spell. so this would be set during the widower arc because the basic impulse here is to show dean a very bad time. just absolutely put him through hell. also, all the alternate timelines are different because different stuff happened, not because cas made different choices, because if we’re torturing dean it has to be like 5x04, the changes in cas can’t be cas’ fault. they have to be dean’s or just like, the universe’s (which makes them dean’s).

so dean is trying to bring cas back, and he finds some kind of spell that can bring someone “from another world.” and he tries it because hey. can’t hurt to try. anyway i’ve thought a long time about different versions of cas i would put in this and here is what i have. in order of when the timeline split off.

- a cas who never raised dean from hell. think 14x13 “lebanon.” this one i’m not too sure about, like, this could be fun, but i don’t know if it’s different enough from the next one. like this castiel would have lived through the averted apocalypse and subsequent general fuckery that happened as an angelic footsoldier, which would actually be pretty interesting now that i think about it, especially since all that stuff would have gone down soooooooo differently without cas specifically for your average angel footsoldier. like cas has PERSONALLY caused more upheaval in heaven in twelve years of spn than there seems to have been in millennia. so he would be the point of view of a normal footsoldier from a totally other world.

- a cas who died mid season four, and is pulled out of the empty in 2017 by this spell. i’m not sure when this cas died. my thoughts are (1) killed in on the head of a pin by alistair, (2) killed during his torture in the rapture, or (3) simply never resurrected after lucifer rising. (3) makes the most sense, but that cas has already thrown away everything for dean. i prefer the idea of a cas who loves dean, is already on the brink of disobedience for him, but has not yet taken the plunge. both on the head of a pin and the rapture are great places for this, and they both have strengths and weaknesses. if he died in the rapture, he was killed by heaven, which is fundamentally more fun, but he was also really very much over the edge already. if he died in on the head of a pin, he wasn’t killed by heaven, but he is perfectly teetering on the brink of falling for dean. regardless of when he died, the purpose of this cas is to be horrified at all the various and myriad ways he has destroyed and corrupted himself for dean in the other timelines.

- possibly endverse cas, who would have died in 2014, but like s4 cas, would have been pulled from the afterlife by the spell. i’m not so sure on this one. we as a society love endverse cas but i dunno what purpose he would serve. maybe endverse cas didn’t die in 2014, and instead was imprisoned by lucifer, because, you know. he’s the only brother lucifer has left. so he is very excited to see dean alive and well, since his dean is dead, and, not being an angel, cas can’t bring him back. the purpose of this cas would be to horrify dean that cas loves him and needs him so much, and to disgust the other cas-es with his neediness.

- a cas who was in some way on better terms with dean during s6. maybe dean and cas ride off into the sunset together after swan song instead of dean going to live with lisa, maybe dean prayed to cas while he was with lisa because he missed him, who knows. either way, cas has dean’s help with the angel revolution in season six from the start, and never goes to crowley. the plan cas and dean come up with to beat raphael includes breaking into the cage and stealing the grace of michael and lucifer, freeing sam and adam in the process. incidentally, it also involves cas possessing dean, because if cas is gonna eat archangel grace to become more powerful, he’s going to need a stronger vessel. so cas and dean have a whole like. midam situation happening. they’re a double archangel together, and godstiel never happened so none of the other terrible apocalypses that stemmed from that happened, and everything is pretty cool where they’re from, and also they’re obviously uhhhhhh SOME kind of together. the purpose of this cas is to upset dean because this cas shows how much better everything could have been and how much better his and cas’ relationship could have been if dean had simply been more considerate of cas in s6, and also freak dean out with how uh. close. this dean and cas are.

- a godstiel who managed to swallow purgatory without swallowing the leviathans and remained god. he’s probably soooomewhat less scary and murdery than canonverse godstiel because no leviathans, so you know, not as many angel purges or massacres on earth. and he probably went and fixed sam’s wall within about three days because cas is prideful but he does NOT like it when dean is mad at him. so they did kiss and make up, and so this cas would have had dean to act as his morality chain. but he’s still very scary and godstiel. and also he refers to dean as “The Beloved” you know. his purpose is to freak everyone out, because he’s scary, but also, for the past cas-es, because he is a terrifying abomination that they could never imagine becoming, for the future cas-es, because he is a reminder of their worst selves, and for dean, because he is a reminder of how dangerous cas is, but also because he uh. obviously has some feelings about his dean. unclear if they are consummated or not.

- a cas who naomi never rescued from purgatory, and who stayed there. hasn't spoken to another being in half a decade, has not recovered from his emotionally destroyed state in purgatory in s8. believes at first that the spell is his dean rescuing him, and is crushed when he realizes he was wrong. like endverse cas, his purpose is to show dean how much cas needs him and depends on him emotionally, and how he (dean) is capable of destroying cas, as well as his guilt for leaving him in purgatory and how lucky he is that his cas got out. this is especially noteworthy since the guilt for leaving cas in purgatory is part of the reason dean is trying to get cas back.

- a cas who stayed human after season nine, and has built himself a small human life over the next four years. he has a job and an apartment and friends outside the winchesters and yes, he still goes hunting after work sometimes, and he's still in contact with dean, but he is also independent in a way no other version of cas has ever been. he exists to freak out dean because dean has never seen cas independent of him. he is also fairly bitter at dean since dean did kind of stop spending time with him when he was no longer useful, and our dean feels guilty for that.

- a cas who showed up twenty minutes later in 10x03, finding sam dead and dean gone, and had to chase down demon dean, and has now spent three years following demon dean around as his tragically adoring stalker, because he hasn't found a way to resurrect sam yet and he doesn't want to put dean through the demon cure until he can save sam because he doesn't want dean to experience that guilt, but he also adores dean and wants to keep an eye on him and keep him safe and also keep him from doing anything too heinous, so he just covertly follows him around the country and watches from a distance as he commits various murders and fucks his way through every local bar scene. and occasionally cas finds dean something to kill, when the mark gets hungry, and drops it in his path. his purpose is to freak dean out with the lengths cas would go for him, and the depths cas would sink to.

anyway. lebanon cas and season four cas are horrified and perhaps disgusted (lebanon cas more than s4 cas) by ALL of the later cas-es, and how far they’re fallen, all of it for dean. godstiel and archangel cas being abominations, endverse cas and s9 cas being fallen, even purgatory cas and demon dean’s cas for their total dependence on dean.

purgatory cas and endverse cas are just happy to see a dean, even if it’s not their dean. demon dean’s cas, too, in a way. he’s happy to see a dean who is still human, who he can still have as a friend.

human cas is pissed to see that he was right, that dean would have stuck by him if he’d still had his powers, that this version of dean is doing spells to try and bring his cas, who is still an angel, back, whereas he and his dean only see each other once every couple months.

everyone is terrified and disgusted by godstiel, as i said before.

they’re mostly kind of thrown by archangel cas. a lot of them are jealous. godstiel is furious because how dare anyone, even an alternate version of himself, take dean as a vessel (even if dean likes it). godstiel isn’t really there, though, he resisted the summoning and just sort of popped his head through to see what was going on, and he goes back to his own reality pretty fast without murdering anyone.

also to be clear dean has not at this point examined or acknowledged any feelings he may have about his cas besides “friendship,” nor has he wondered what feelings his cas may have for him. given how many of the cas-es were clearly in some kind of relationship with their dean (endverse cas, archangel cas) or just openly in love with their dean (godstiel, purgatory cas, demon dean’s cas), dean is forced to reevaluate the nature of his and cas’ relationship.

#spn #asks #anonymous

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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA Chapter 294: A Half-Assed Escape

Previously on BnHA: Mirio was all “SURPRISE I’M BACK THANKS TO OUR RESIDENT SEVEN-YEAR-OLD WHO RECENTLY EARNED HER BACHELOR’S OF BEING A TOTAL BADASS.” Kacchan was all, “you know what, Dabi’s been trending long enough, time to remind the fandom what a real G looks like,” and he blasted his little bleeding body back into the fray and was all “FROM HERE ON OUT CALL ME DYNAMIGHT!!” Mirio was all, “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oh, you’re serious,” and Kacchan was all “!!”, and so that’s the story of how my son got murdered twice in one day. Meanwhile in the Todoroki Drama Zone, Deku was all “STOP MURDERING MY FRIEND” and Dabi was all “THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” and fandom had a whole big debate about Whether Or Not Dabi Trying To Murder Deku’s Friends And Mentors Is Any Of Deku’s Business, which went exactly how you think it went. Anyway, so then Deku yelled at Dabi, and Endeavor was all moved by his manly words and randomly went to go uppercut Machia in the chin. And, seeing as how the Momoserum finally chose that exact moment to kick in, Machia is now down for the count.

Today on BnHA: The Miriosquad handles the Nearly High End Noumus, freeing up Jeanist to jasphyxiate (okay that one doesn’t really work so well) the rest of the League. Compress is all “TIME FOR THIS MILD-MANNERED SIDE CHARACTER VILLAIN TO SHINE”, except that by “shine” what he actually means is “use his quirk to punch a literal hole right through his own ass to free himself.” The rest of the chapter is basically just a back and forth between him and Jeanist, with Jeanist trying to recapture him, and Compress repeatedly thwarting him by chopping more holes out of himself because HE’S FRESH OUT OF FUCKS, AND THE ONES AT THE STORE ARE ALL SOLD OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS. Anyway, so with Compress basically dying and all, Horikoshi is all “you know what that means”, and delivers a freshly-baked villain flashback revealing that Compress is a descendant of Harima Ouji, a.k.a. the Peerless Thief, a.k.a. some famous guy whom Gentle mentioned this one time for like two seconds back in the day. The chapter ends with Compress finally demasking himself and dumping Tomura back onto the ground, a.k.a. The Worst Possible Place For Tomura To Be. ( •﹏•)

WHY IS CRUST HERE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD

-- OH WAIT, SHIT. OH

AIZAWAAAA you’re alive and receiving medical help thank GOD. HOW MANY EYES DO YOU HAVE. AND MIRKO!! HOW MANY LIMBS DO YOU HAVE, OMG

so is this Aizawa dreaming about Crust’s final moments, then?? jesus. with All Due Respect to Crust’s memory, does Aizawa not already have enough misplaced guilt on his conscience as it is?? “nope, we’re gonna keep piling it on. that’s all he is now. three limbs, an indeterminate number of eyes, sexy hair, and Guilt” well shit

motherfucker y’all really out here placing an oxygen mask on Gran Torino’s corpse. fucking shounen characters. each one comes with a lifetime warranty

DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING THESE CLOSE-UPS OF HAWKS’S UNCONSCIOUS FACE ALL WHUMPED OUT AND EXHAUSTED. HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS ARE WE GOING TO GET. ARE YOU PLANNING ON KILLING ME WITH THE UPCOMING CONVALESCENCE ARC, BECAUSE IF SO, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME AHEAD OF TIME SO I CAN MAKE A WILL

for a moment I considered going back and checking my previous recaps to count how many times I’ve already made a joke about Dabi’s fire incinerating Hawks’s wings but not touching so much as a hair on his five o’clock shadow, so that I could calculate whether or not I could possibly get away with making that same joke one more time. but then I realized I could just do it in this kind of roundabout way I’m doing right now instead. so there you have it

FFFFFFFMT LADY AND MIDNIGHT NOOOOO

PLEASE BE ALIVE. PLEASE RESPECT THE SIGN ON THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING. THE ONE THAT SAYS “NO LADY CHARACTERS ALLOWED TO DIE”, WITH THE FINE PRINT AT THE BOTTOM “AT LEAST NOT UNTIL HORIKOSHI GIVES US LIKE TWENTY-SIX MORE OF THEM FIRST IF THAT’S THE WAY HE WANTS TO PLAY IT.” IT’S A GOOD SIGN, PLEASE RESPECT ITS WISHES!!

so anyway though, Jeanist is giving a speech about how god knows how many people all worked together to bring Machia down. and now RHA is getting in on those fabric puns too, I see. “A SINGLE STRAND MAY BE THIN BUT TOGETHER THEY FORM A STRONG ROPE” oh so you think you guys are funny eh? I’m a frayed knot

MEANWHILE EXCUSE ME BUT WHY ARE YOU FUCKING CRYING BLOOD, HOLY SHIT

fffffff. so much for him taking over as the Number One once all this is over. so let’s just recap real quick, because Horikoshi has long since made it clear that one of his plot goals for this arc is to wipe out every single member of the Billboard Top Ten. so how we doin?

Endeavor - was just figuratively eviscerated in front of the entire nation by his homicidal zombiepunk son. also burnt half to death and possibly down a lung. will almost certainly be forced to retire after this one way or the other

Hawks - lying prettily in a medical tent. wings status: gone. hair status: still perfect

Jeanist - WELL I THOUGHT HE WAS FINE BUT APPARENTLY HE’S OUT HERE DYING, JESUS CHRIST

Edgeshot - MIA, last seen fighting Re-Destro. I really want him to have kicked RD’s ass because fuck that guy, but realistically they probably fought to a draw at best

Mirko - alive but in critical condition and missing something like 1.5 limbs

Crust - dead, currently haunting Aizawa’s traumatized dreams. now he’s gonna be triggered the rest of his life by people giving him the thumbs up, THANKS A LOT

Kamui Woods - was set on fire which is His Weakness. thoughts and prayers

Wash - last seen floating hospital patients to safety as Tomura’s wave of decay descended towards him. probably dead ffff

Old Man Samurai - haven’t seen this fucker in a hot minute, who even knows where he’s wandered off to

Ryuukyuu - currently being treated for her wounds, looked pretty bad off. but it’s hard to tell how hurt she is since most of the injuries were acquired in her transformed state. SHE BETTER GET WELL SOON

anyways, so yeah. so much for the top ten. guess that’s another reason Horikoshi brought Mirio back now, huh

so there’s a big panel of everyone fighting the Noumu while Machia lies there all “blurgh.” good riddance my dude. it took like twenty chapters and a hundred people to stop this guy so I really fucking hope he stays down. you’ve had your fun

anyway so Jeanist is sending another steel thread towards Dabi! and he’s all “just a bit more!!” fklklj this is gonna go real well isn’t it

meanwhile Mirio’s fighting a Nearly High End with all of these weird rock formations jutting out of its skin. go on and kick his ass then, Mirio

“each of these guys is probably just as strong as the Noumu from Kyuushuu” hold on I thought Ujiko or Tomura or someone said that wasn’t the case? not that Mirio would know I suppose. anyways let’s just hope he’s wrong cuz if not these kids are probably screwed

kLSDKFHLSKHGLKLK OH MY GODDDD

IIDA FUCKING TENYA YOU’RE A PEACH. THINKS THE NAME IS OUTRAGEOUS, CHECK. USES IT ANYWAY, CHECK. “JUST BECAUSE I DON’T UNDERSTAND DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T BE SUPPORTIVE.” WHAT A CLASS ACT

AND KACCHAN IS RESPONDING WITH AS MUCH DIGNITY AS HE CAN MUSTER

WOW, SON. IT’S ALMOST AS THOUGH YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, OR SOMETHING!! although listen up, real talk, the fact that Kacchan of all people can’t muster the energy to yell at someone questioning his ability to kick ass is HIGHKEY troubling and we may be in need of an intervention here soon :/

now Jeanist is finally turning his attention to the League! was... was it not already on the League. omg

ACTUAL SCREAMING AHHHHHH FUCK FUCKLK LK AHHLKHKFFFF

hey so um. what the actual fucked up hell. my soul left my body. imagine if you saw the reflection of this panel on your bedroom window. you would never sleep again

OKAY RHA TRANSLATORS ARE YOU HAVING YOURSELF A LAUGH AGAIN

THIS CANNOT BE WHAT HE’S ACTUALLY SAYING RIGHT. BUT IT’S RIGHT IN THAT UNCANNY VALLEY OF NOT BEING QUITE SURE, THOUGH... (　ﾟдﾟ)

(ETA: just a next-day clarification here, apparently my sleep-deprived ADHD word-skipping brain completely skipped right over the “a” in that last panel, so what I read was, “and Shigaraki’s limp noodle.” so yeah, the moral of this story is always read the speech bubble carefully before you start making running jokes throughout the rest of your post, folks.)

oh wow he’s really freaking out lmao

to be fair though, I’d argue that Dabi has gotten pre-tty close at this point :’) thrilled for him, really I am

but anyway, well then figure something out you big dramatic robot-armed fiend. didn’t you just say you could touch your own ass? can you not just Compress yourself to break free?? does it not work on you? or would you be stuck afterwards lol

(ETA: I was picturing him compressing his entire body at once, not just chunks of it. ghhhlkh.)

holy shit Jeanist. are you stupidly trying to cut off their air, or are you going for more of a sleeper hold (jleeper hold??) thing instead. the latter would be way smarter and faster and probably safer as well just saying

but unless Spinner is just being super dramatic, it sure looks like he’s fucking strangling them djslkjlk. this will certainly cement his popularity among the villain stans. good thing you’re not running for office any time soon bud

anyway so I have no idea what these guys are trying to do now. what is this

do you even have till the count of 5 at this rate. I mean

OH MY GOODNESS

HE’S REALLY FUCKING DOING IT!! HE’S COMPRESSING HIS BUTT!! OMFG. TOMURA HIDE YOUR NOODLE!!!

WHAT THE FUCK

DID YOU COMPRESS A PIECE OF YOUR OWN ASS. FUCKING WHAT. PUT THIS MAN’S PICTURE IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE WORD “LOYALTY”, HOLY CRAP

HOLY SHIT COMPRESS

“HOLY SHIT DID THAT GUY JUST PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH HIS OWN ASS IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS VILLAIN PALS. FUCK IT, HE DESERVES TO ESCAPE”

jeez, talk about... A HALF-ASSED ESCAPE ATTEMPT :D :D :D hahaha. but real talk though, Horikoshi has clearly never tried to leap twelve feet straight up in the air multiple times in succession with only half his glutes though. everyone, I regret to inform you that this panel right here on the left may be slightly unrealistic

also where the hell is he going to go?? did you pack a jetpack away in one of those little marbles sir. and what about Dabi?? and Skeptic too, I guess, but we don’t really care about Skeptic

(ETA: at this point I had to stop reading for about two hours because I had to go out and take care of something; that’s also why this is being posted later than usual lol. anyways so where were we.)

oh my lord

the existence of a translator’s note here implies that the earlier line about Compress being able to reach Tomura’s junk was not, in fact, ad-libbed. hmm. hmmmmmmmm

anyway so now he’s grabbing Compress again because OF COURSE HE IS, so now we’re right back to square one! except now Tomura and Spinner are secured inside of little marbles, and presumably Compress is the only one who can release them

oh nevermind he’s just maiming himself again instead, SHEESH

Skeptic a man is dying please have some goddamn respect

so, uh. is he gonna die, though??

I really can’t tell wtf is going on here, this is the most confusing the art has been in a while. Horikoshi put all of his spoons into that creepyass close-up panel earlier, that bastard

OMG WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS

DON’T FUCKING TELL ME THE “COMPRESS IS RELATED TO THIS THIEF GUY FROM OLDEN TIMES” THEORY IS ACTUALLY TRUE WHAAAAAAT. OH SHIT

so apparently Harima was a Robin Hood type guy who stole from... heroes?? wtf. are heroes the 1% in this scenario. y’all didn’t have any Fortune 500 CEOs to steal from?

THAT’S THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS THROUGH YOU, OH SHIT. and in a related oh shit, the fact that we are getting a Compress flashback now of all times doesn’t bode super well for him. ffff

MEANWHILE THE TODOROKIS ARE STILL TODOROKI-ING

listen here boy if you touch one freaking hair on Shouto’s candy cane head I swear to god --

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY!!!

SHOUTO NOOOOOO. WTF YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONE GUY WHOSE WEAKNESS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FIRE. DABI YOU SHIT, YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF!! I’M PRINTING OUT A COPY OF THAT COMPRESS PANEL!!! KEEP AN EYE OUT ON THAT BEDROOM WINDOW YOU PUNK!!!

SO NOW POOR SHOUTO IS UNCONSCIOUS AND FALLING!! SOMEONE SAVE HIM!! WHO CATCHES THE CATCHER

COMPRESS LITERALLY HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS HAPPENING

PLEASE DON’T CALL TOMURA LEADER OF THE “PLF” YOU KNOW I CAN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DO THAT. ARE YOU DYING. ARE YOU JUST A FUCKING HEAD NOW WTF

(ETA: “masks are removable, makeste” you know what it’s been a long day okay lmao. or I suppose Compress is really the one who is lmao.)

GASPPPPPP

okay. okay. looooool okay then

WHY WERE YOU COVERING THIS SEXY MOP OF HAIR UNDER THAT HOOD YOU TOOL. IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED SO GOOD WITH THE TOP HAT. I’M SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW

as if it wasn’t enough for him to demask himself, he also had to get all shirtless and then do this weird attempt at a sexypose too huh

hard to say exactly how much of his torso is currently missing, but safe to say that’s proooooooobably not good. :///// fuck

on the other hand, Kacchan also has a torso hole and he’s still flying around like he just drank a dozen red bulls, so

this man lost his ass and he’s still out here monologuing like it’s the last two minutes of The Prestige. one might say he is monologuing his ass off

so he let Spinner and Tomura free, but is Dabi still trapped in his marble?? wasn’t he all on fire and stuff?? hopefully he can still turn off his quirk in there because if not that’s a pretty fucked up way to die. somewhere out there Snatch’s ghost is all “YEAH I’LL SAY.” oh how the turntables

last but not least, sooooooo. Tomura. back on the ground. that’s. um. ...shiiiiiiiit

#bnha 294 #mr. compress #...and actually that's pretty much it lol #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #sorry this is up later than usual (and mostly unedited as well)#just one of those days

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etherrreal · 3 years

Text

“chrysanthemums”

Pairing: kuroo x gn!reader Genre: fluff Prompt: “i just want to see you happy.” WC: 903 Warnings: none! just some calm fluff despite the angst high i’ve been on lately, lmao A/N: “our drabbles can just be around 500 words,” i told Luna once, only to remember whilst writing this that i’m a liar. loving these prompt requests though, and a major shoutout to the anon who requested this one, hope you enjoy <3! -Dawn

You’re nearing the end of your latest math lesson, pleased to discover that most of your students are still listening, when the bouquet arrives.

It’s absolutely gorgeous and nearly half the size of the coworker who’s kind enough to bring it to you, an arrangement of vibrant roses and red chrysanthemums. Your students erupt into a wave of excited chatter as soon as they spot it, some ooh-ing, some aah-ing, and some ew-ing at your expense, like their middle school teacher receiving flowers is simultaneously the most exciting and nauseating thing to happen all week.

It causes enough of a commotion to reassure you that whatever hope you have of powering through the last leg of your math lesson is gone, but you can’t find it in yourself to be upset about it. Not when you know exactly who sent you the flowers, and definitely not when the sight of them makes you feel as giddy as you do now.

Your coworker looks almost apologetic for all the chaos she’s caused within your classroom, but you wave her off and thank her, taking the flowers from her and depositing them safely onto your desk.

Your students are still giggling as you do so, but luckily for you, it’s their lunchtime. You shoo them out despite their protests, but you do confirm that yes, the bouquet is a gift from your boyfriend, and no, you will not be reading the card attached out loud to them, no matter how much they beg. There are some disappointed pouts as a result, but they’re placated enough by the promise of food awaiting them that you’re able to get them out the door without any further incident.

Finally left to your own devices, you pull out your phone and snap a picture of the flowers where they rest on your desk, typing out a text to Kuroo to show your appreciation.

[[you]]:: i hope u know u almost caused a mutiny in my classroom with these but they’re beautiful so i’ll allow it ❤️ tysm baby!!

[[tetsu 🐓❤️]]:: just doing my part to keep you and today’s youth on your toes 😌

[[you]]:: can’t believe u actually sent me flowers at work...damn do u have a crush on me or something 👀

[[tetsu 🐓❤️]]:: unfortunately yes 😔 super embarrassing, i know

You roll your eyes as you read his last message, but there’s a dorky smiley on your face and a warmth settling into your chest that you can’t ignore. You’re just about to type out a witty response when he surprises you with a FaceTime.

You answer it on the first ring, not even bothering to say hello before you tell him, “You wrote a haiku using chemistry puns on the card you sent me, and I’m the embarrassing one?”

“What can I say? I’m a man of many talents.” Kuroo is already grinning at you, and though you make a show of calling him a moron, it’s comforting to know he’s as happy to see you as you are to see him, even if it’s just through a phone screen. “Do you like them?”

“I love them,” you correct, glancing at the flowers to your right. You run your fingertips over the soft petals, a smile curving its way onto your lips. “They’re beautiful. What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion. I just want to see you happy.”

“Well, it worked. As you can see, I’ve been sitting here with the most obnoxious grin imaginable on my face for the past five minutes, and it’s entirely your fault.”

Kuroo laughs, and you smile to yourself because of how much you love the sound, how much you love him. Three years into your relationship, and you still feel like you’re in the honeymoon phase. He’s always finding new little ways to surprise you, little gestures that confirm just how much he adores you, and every time it just makes you fall a little more in love with him.

And even though you know things won’t always be perfect, it’s moments like these that remind you why it’s all worth it.

“I should be done with work early today,” he says suddenly, making you perk up with interest. “Want me to pick you up for dinner? We can go to that barbecue place you’ve been wanting to try.”

“Barbecue?” You let out a dreamy sigh, already looking forward to it. A bouquet of flowers and a romantic dinner with your best-friend-turned-boyfriend is exactly what you need after a long week of teaching. “Mm, I love you.”

He lets out an amused little hum, and you watch as he raises an eyebrow at you, eyeing you playfully. “Are you talking to me, or the potential barbecue?”

You blink, pretending to consider it. “Uh, both?”

He laughs again. “Yeah, yeah. I love you, too, traitor. I’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon, baby.”

You blow him a kiss, and you’re just about to end the call when you hear a chorus of little voices sounding not too far from you.

“Ewwwww!”

You look up, and sure enough, a handful of your students have returned. They’re standing in the doorway of the classroom, a few of them grinning wickedly at you while the others gag dramatically.

Kuroo cracks up right along with you, and for a while after that, the two of you can’t look at any kind of flowers without laughing.

Written by: Dawn

#kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #haikyuu x reader #kuroo imagines #haikyuu imagines #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x you #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!!#hq x reader #our writing #kuroo fluff #kuroo tetsuro fluff #haikyuu fluff #dawn writes

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hstyleshoney · 3 years

Note

hey! could u maybe write something where h notices Y/N is distant after he comes back from tour? like she doesn’t feel stable in the relationship anymore bc he’s always away or something like that but he doesn’t want to break up. lmao this is weirdly specific but I really hope u get over your writers block <3

This has been in my drafts for a couple months now. Finally had time to finish it. Sorry it took so long. Hope you like It! <3

WC: 5.3K // angst, fluff

April.

Harry is tired.

He’s only been back in London for two days but he is completely drained. Mentally and physically. All he wants to do is snuggle down on the sofa with his girl and relax. He wants to hold her as close to him as humanly possible; feel her warmth and her smooth skin against his. He wants to spend all night just giggling away at nothing in particular with her because they’re both just so happy to be around one another again and whisper sweet nothings to her all night to let her know how much he missed her and loves her.

He has 21 days home before the next part of his tour kicks off - in Australia. He wants to make the most out of their time together before he has to leave again.

But something is wrong.

She is distant. She’s not letting him hold her, she hardly smiles when she sees him and she’s being off. It’s weird. Harry doesn’t like it.

He noticed it the second he arrived at her flat Monday night. She didn’t come running when he walked through the door. She didn’t talk non-stop for hours like she usually did when they had spent an excessive amount of time apart. She didn’t dig through his suitcase to get a look at all his latest purchases of clothes just because she loved fashion and got excited about all the designer items he owned. It was odd.

They didn’t even have sex.

Harry told himself it was probably just because it was late when he arrived and she was probably just tired. She’d be fine in the morning.

But she is still being as off with him as she was on Monday night, despite the fact that he has been back home in London for a couple days now. Harry doesn’t know what to do. Usually being back home with her brings him comfort and lets him relax after weeks on the road. Now it only has the opposite effect. It’s disheartening. He doesn’t understand it.

On Friday night they go out for dinner with a couple of friends of his. Harry hopes it will lift her spirits but she stays quiet for most of the evening. She is gloomy, not her usual self, and the twinkle in her eyes is missing. It’s awkward and when James shoots him a questioning look from across the table Harry knows that everyone has noticed that something is wrong.

Harry feels sick.

He is worried. Stressed. Anxious. Maybe even a tiny bit angry.

And he is afraid to ask her about it because he has a bad feeling about the whole thing. His gut is telling him that her lack of affection is because of him. He knows he has to ask her about it, but he is holding off for as long as he possibly can. Because asking her about why she is being distant makes it real and he is not ready for her to confirm his suspicions. He is still holding onto the small hope that her mood is because of something that happened at work or with her friends.

But she usually tells him everything and now she hasn’t said anything.

So the only explanation Harry can think of is that he is the reason for her low mood.

And he is not ready to hear it.

He knows her though. He knows she hates upsetting or disappointing others and will avoid it at all costs, even if it means neglecting her own thoughts and feelings until she’s too overwhelmed by it all. She has the kindest heart he has ever met; she is perhaps too kind for her own good.

Which is why he knows he has to ask her and get her to open up about whatever is going on in her head. For her sake but also for his own.

The car ride back to his house after their dinner is, unsurprisingly, quiet and somewhat tense. Harry wants to ask her right there and then why she is being so off, but he also knows he won’t be able to focus on the road if he does. He can hardly focus enough as it is. So he stays quiet and glances over at her whenever he gets the chance, and his heart sinks from how sad she looks.

She doesn’t look at him once though and only rests her head against the window as she watches the other cars around them, picking at the skin around her nails; a sign Harry has learned means that she is either stressed or upset... or both.

Once they make it to his house reality kind of hits him like a ton of bricks and he is one hundred percent sure her mood is because of him now and he is anxious to find out the reason why that is and fearful of where the conversation might lead. What if he loses her? He is not sure his heart can take it.

But she lets him put a hand on her back as they walk into the house and it’s nice to have her close again, she smells so good, and he has to stop himself from falling into her. He wants to wrap his arms around her and never let go.

“I’m gonna go get ready for bed,” she tells him quietly when they get inside, avoiding eye contact, and swiftly disappears up the stairs before he gets the chance to ask her about anything. Harry almost calls her name to stop her but decides to give her a couple of minutes before he approaches her about the elephant in the room.

Also, he needs some time to get his own head together and prepare for whatever might be thrown his way. As scared as he might be there is also a frustration building up inside him from her shutting him out. He had been gone for almost three months and they hadn’t been able to see each other as much as they would’ve liked to. He had been looking forward to just coming home to her and getting a couple of weeks with her before continuing his tour.

There is a lump in his throat as he makes his way up the stairs. His palms are sweaty. His head is spinning. And he realises, for the first time in his life, that he is absolutely terrified about the possibility of losing someone. Her. He has been in love before. He has gone through break-ups. But none of them have made him feel like this. It’s like someone is suffocating him.

And the break-up hasn’t even happened yet. He doesn’t even know if it will happen. He just knows that the girl who has his whole heart in his hands is being distant and won’t talk to him after weeks apart. It’s not a good sign.

She is still in the bathroom when he comes upstairs. The door is open and he takes a few seconds to just watch her, leaning against the doorframe with a fond look on his face. He can’t take his eyes off her. Her hair is pushed back by her pink fuzzy headband and her face is free from all the makeup she had previously worn. She is beautiful, he thinks and closes his eyes for a second to savor the small moment.

It’s just so familiar. He has seen her get ready for bed a hundred times before and he never gets tired of it. It’s the simplest thing but it makes him feel home.

She feels like home.

And then she spots him by the door and a small squeal escapes her lips which brings him back. “Bloody hell Harry” she breathes out and puts a hand over her chest. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he replies and shoots her a weak smile.

“I’m almost done, just give me a couple minutes and then the bathroom is all yours” she says and picks up one of her many skin care products to continue her routine. She speaks fast and avoids his gaze. Harry clears his throat awkwardly.

“Actually,” he starts. “I was wondering if we could talk?”

She freezes for a brief moment and Harry almost feels bad. Silence falls over them again and it’s all the confirmation he needs to know that whatever is going on has something to do with him. Harry is almost certain she’s going to tell him she’s too tired to talk or come up with another excuse, but eventually she nods.

“Yes,” she murmurs. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” he nods as well and tries to give her another small smile to ease the tension between them but it’s useless. The knot in his stomach weighs him down too much. “I’ll let you finish and you can just come find me, yeah?”

Harry waits for her in the bedroom. He sits down on the bed before standing up almost just as fast. Then he sits back down again. His throat feels dry and his heart is beating so hard inside his chest it feels like it might burst. He’s trying to come up with what to say to her but as soon as she walks in his mind goes completely blank. He wants to believe that he is wrong, that it’s just a big misunderstanding, but her sad eyes make it hard.

She looks so soft and small as she takes a seat next to him and Harry has to fight the urge to just pull her into his arms. It’s strange and he doesn’t understand why she is being so distant. Everything was fine between them before he left for his tour and as far as he knows nothing happened while he was away.

“Have I done something wrong?” he begins.

She sighs and looks down at her hands, still doing her best to avoid eye contact.

“I’m sorry H,” she says and her voice cracks a little at the end. Harry feels sick again. “I know I've been acting weird. Distant. I’m sorry.”

“Will you please look at me?” he begs because he can’t stand her shutting him out like she is. It’s never happened before. So when she looks up at him with tears in her eyes both relief and pangs of agony washes over him. It kills him; fills him with worry. Harry doesn’t know how he is going to get through this. This wasn’t how he had planned his return home. Far from. “What’s going on?”

“I love you,” she tells him and swallows thickly.

Harry nods and tries to stop his head from spinning so much.

“And I love you.”

“I... I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

There it is. He knew it was coming but hearing the words come out of her mouth is a punch to the face. He doesn’t know how to respond to it. Silence falls between them just as heavy raindrops start to fall against the windowsill outside.

“Okay,” is all he can say.

“I just - I hate missing my best friend every single day.” A tear rolls down her cheek and she’s quick to wipe it away, taking a shaky breath. “I feel very alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Harry says and reaches out to take her soft hands into his, holding them tight. She gives him a sad smile and laces her fingers with his. He never wants to let go.

“I know,” she replies softly. “But it feels like I am. I come home to an empty flat, have dinner on my own and watch some stupid reality show to kill time. I can’t even call you whenever I want to because you’re on stage or busy with something else. I feel like I’m just constantly waiting for you. It feels impossible for us to build a life together.”

Harry wants to tell her it’ll change. That it’ll get better. That he’ll be better. But it’s a promise he can’t make because he’s leaving again, soon. He still has shows to do in Australia, North- and South America. He still has a tour to do - and hopefully more tours in the future as well.

And he loves his job. It’s his dream. He is so grateful for everything he gets to do.

But he has never hated his job as much as he does in that moment right there, and he hates himself for that too.

“I’m here now,” he says weakly and tightens his fingers around hers.

“Yeah, I know,” she croaks and when she cups his cheek in the hand he’s not holding Harry can’t stop himself from leaning into her touch. “But you’re leaving again, what happens then? We’ve been in the same time zone and country now for three months and barely had the chance to talk - what happens when you’re on the other side of the world?”

“I’ll make time for you. I promise,” Harry tells her and blinks away his own tears that are threatening to fall.

“But you won’t be here,” she replies sadly and pulls away from him. Harry feels cold as soon as her hands leave his. He wants to scream but there is no air in his lungs. He’s losing her and he doesn't know what to do or say to stop it. He’s helpless.

And when a strangled sob escapes her he thinks his heart might shatter into a million pieces. It’s the worst sound he has ever heard and it kills him knowing it’s because of him. “I hate this,” she cries. “I’m so sorry Harry. I’m being so fucking selfish.”

“Stop,” he huffs and angles his body so he can move himself closer to her. Desperate to fix whatever is happening between them before it’s too late.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffles and bows her head, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t want to make you feel bad because I know how much you love what you do and I would never ask you to stop. I love watching you on stage, it’s my favorite thing in the world... but I just- I just don’t know if I’m happy like this. I don’t like the person I become when you’re away.”

“What can I do?” Harry begs even though he knows there’s not a lot he can do right now. “I’m not losing you.” He takes her hands into his again, running his thumb over her knuckles. “I love you.”

“I love you too Harry, so much.” Her voice trembles as she speaks and Harry feels his whole stomach drop as the next few words fall from her lips. He’s sure he is going to pass out. “Sometimes love isn’t enough though, is it?”

“What are you saying?” he whispers as he tightens his hold on her hands. She looks up at him, her glossy eyes meeting his green ones, and Harry can no longer hold back his own tears.

“I don’t know yet,” she admits, her voice low and thick. Harry tries to think of something to say that will change her mind but his head is swirling with a million different things all at once. He can’t think straight. He only knows he refuses to lose her. He won’t lose her. So he tells her that again.

“I’m not losing you.”

That night they fall asleep on different sides of the bed with their backs facing each other and Harry might just break.

May 19th.

Harry Styles ❤️ 11:34 AM We just landed in Australia. I wish you were here. I love you. xxx

May 31st.

Harry Styles ❤️ 5:47 PM Last show is done. I’ll be home on Tuesday. Let’s talk then. xxx

June.

She is tired.

The last three weeks have been brutal. Or, actually, the whole month has been brutal. Ever since she told Harry about her insecurities regarding their relationship she felt like her whole life had just fallen apart. She couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Nothing.

She went to work and when the day was over she went straight home and watched every episode she could find of ‘The Great British Bake Off’ to numb her mind. Her co-workers express their worry when they see her come to work with the same outfit for the fourth day in a row, greasy hair and big dark circles under her eyes. They tell her to take a few days off.

But she doesn’t.

Because she needs work as a distraction. She can’t just sit at home and think about everything that happened between her and Harry before he left for Australia. The morning after their talk they hardly said a word to each other and she could see that he was hurt. It killed her knowing it was because of her.

It was just that the European tour had been harder on her than she ever could've imagined. Other than the London shows she had only been able to go to the one in Manchester and the one in Paris, but that was it. She couldn’t get more time off to go see him and whenever she finished work at the end of a long day and had time to call him he was already on stage or about to be.

They hardly spoke and it made her sad. The reality of how different their lives were slapped her hard in the face that first leg of his tour. So hard she couldn’t bring herself to be happy when he came back home to London, because she knew he was leaving again.

She figured that maybe she just needed some time to get used to having him around again and that things would go back to how they usually were after a day or so. They didn’t. Instead all she could think about was the fact that he was leaving again and how every hour that passed was an hour of their time together that was gone.

She had been stupid to think he wouldn’t notice.

When he asked her to talk she knew that she would no longer be able to keep things to herself. It all just came crashing down.

She hasn’t seen Harry in almost a month now and her whole body is aching for his touch again. At the same time, she knows she has no one but herself to blame for her heartache.

She loves him. She loves him so fucking much.

She just doesn’t know if she can handle the distance. She doesn’t know if she can handle only speaking to him through text messages because of the time difference and/or because their schedules don't add up. She doesn’t know if she can handle all the rumors circulating on social media whenever he has been seen with someone she doesn’t recognize. She’s become jealous and she doesn’t like it.

But she loves him.

She knows in her heart that he is The one.

And maybe that’s why she is so fucking terrified of him leaving, because what if he never comes back to her?

She’s not sure she’s going to be able to handle it.

So when she told him she wasn’t sure if she could be with him anymore she did it so she could leave first, but then he looked at her like she had just crushed his entire soul. After spending every night for the last couple weeks replaying the moment over and over again in her head she realises she won’t ever be able to leave him. She doesn’t want to.

And now he is coming back again, after spending two weeks back home in Holmes Chapel with his family to clear his head and two weeks down under in Australia doing what he loves most, and she is still terrified. Because he might show up and tell her he’s had enough of her games and leave with her heart.

She takes that Tuesday off from work and cleans her entire flat, anxiously waiting for Harry to show up. He texted her earlier to let her know he would arrive in London by noon and would be coming over, to which she only replied an ‘okay’ because she was overthinking and didn’t know what else to say.

They never officially said the words “we are over” so she has no idea if they were still together or broken up, and she didn’t want to say something that could be misinterpreted in any way.

Then she gets another text from him asking her if she could come over to him instead because he is too jet lagged and wants to just go home and have a shower. And she convinces herself it’s only an excuse from him. An excuse to get her to come over and get all her stuff she has left laying around his house the last year, so he can remove any traces of her ever being in his life.

She still tells him she’ll be there in an hour.

That hour ends up being one of the worst hours of her life. She’s an anxious mess as she tries to get ready and ends up spilling her coffee all over her shirt and the freshly mopped floor. Her favorite cup with a small dachshund painted on it, the one Harry got her after their first date when she told she was obsessed with dachshunds, falls to the floor and breaks in half. She has a mini breakdown over it all.

She’s also about two seconds away from running over an old lady by the crossroads leading up to Harry’s house.

Then when she arrives at Harry’s house she has forgotten the code to get through his gate. She has another breakdown thinking he has changed it because he doesn’t want her to know what it is anymore.

Turns out she only missed a number.

Before she knows she is knocking on his door and just stands there waiting for him to come let her in. Normally she wouldn’t knock and just waltz right in but it didn’t feel right this time. She isn’t sure if she is even allowed to anymore.

So she waits.

When Harry finally opens the door and she is face to face with him again she feels like she might actually collapse. He looks tired, eyes puffy and cheeks rosy, but he still smiles when he sees her. And even though he has his grey hoodie up she can still see the little hair clip on top of his head that’s holding back his damp curls from falling in his face.

“Hi,” she breathes out and clasps her hands together in front of her because she doesn’t know what else to do. Her heart is beating painfully hard inside her chest.

“Hi,” Harry says and takes a step forward as if he is about to pull her into a hug, but he stops himself and takes a step back again. They stand in silence for what feels like an eternity, just taking each other in, before Harry clears his throat and opens the door a little wider for her. “Come in.”

As she passes him she catches a whiff of his perfume and it’s so familiar and calming that she forgets for a moment that they’ve been in a downward spiral for the last month.

But she is quickly reminded of the situation when Harry awkwardly leads her to the lounge and they sit down on opposite ends of the sofa. Her fingers tremble a little as she pushes a couple strands of hair behind her ear. The room is quiet and cold. The whole house smells like detergent and soap, it always did when he hadn’t been home for a while, and she hates it.

“So, um, how was Australia?” she asks, keeping her eyes on the bright colorful painting that hangs on the wall above Harry’s head and avoiding his green ones that are staring her down. She’s positive he can hear how fast her heart is beating.

“It was alright,” Harry answers and tilts his head forward a little, brows drawn together, as he tries to get her to focus on him rather than the painting behind him.

“Good,” she mumbles and takes a shaky breath, still avoiding his eyes. Harry sighs deeply and she shifts uncomfortably in her seat. This isn’t like them. Far from. She wants to crawl into his arms; wants to feel the comfort and safety he always brings her when he holds her. Her whole body is screaming for his touch again, but her head stops her - what if he didn’t want to hold her anymore?

“We can’t go on like this,” he tells her then and her blood instantly runs cold.

This is it.

Harry is going to tell her he can’t be with her anymore and it’s her own fault. She pushed him away.

“Okay,” she whispers. Tears are already welling up in her eyes and she is quick to blink them away before they fall. But her vision is still blurry. Her throat feels tight and dry. The room is closing on her and she has to wipe her clammy hands on her pants to make sure she’s still in her own body. A huge part of her wants to run, although she is not too sure her legs will carry her. This is what she gets for pushing him away though she supposes.

“I need to know if you’re leaving or not.”

She snaps her head in his direction as soon as the words come out of his mouth.

“What?”

She’s not sure she’s heard him right.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Harry continues and a small curl falls out of his little hair clip as he shakes his head. “I need answers from you. These past few weeks - I can’t... I need to know where we stand. I need to know if I’ve lost you.”

She blinks.

“Harry, I-“ She can't find her words. She had been so sure that he was going to tell her he was leaving her, that he was tired of her selfishness and wanted nothing more to do with her. Now her whole body is frozen as her mind tries to catch up with what Harry just told her. He looks worn out, sad, and she feels so incredibly stupid. Guilty. This mess is all her fault. “No.”

Harry inhales sharply through his nose and gives her a short nod.

“Alright.” His lips are pressed together, jaw tense, as he averts his gaze to something other than her face, refusing to look at her any longer.

“No Harry, I mean, you haven’t,” she is quick to say when she realises he had misunderstood her words. Her head is spinning. There is so much she needs to say but she doesn’t even know where to start. “You haven’t lost me. I didn’t think- I thought you were leaving me.”

“What?”

And just like that it’s all just too much. The last couple weeks washes over her as soon Harry looks at her again and she notices how glossy his eyes are. She’s overwhelmed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry H,” she cries and hides her face in her hands, finally letting her tears spill over and run hot down her cheeks. “I’ve been so fucking stupid.”

She lets a sob rip from her throat and buries her face deeper into her hands, wishing she could just disappear. Guilt is eating away at her conscience knowing that Harry had walked around thinking she was leaving him while having to go out on stage and put on a good show for thousands of fans. She should’ve talked to him before he left. She should’ve replied to his texts. She feels like the worst fucking person in the entire world.

“Heey, noo, don’t cry.” Harry moves over to crouch down in front of her. His touch burns through the thick denim of her jeans when he puts his arms down on either side of her on the sofa, his thumbs rubbing small circles on her thighs. “Talk to me, Love.”

“I’m so stupid,” she repeats.

“You’re not,” Harry says softly and gently pushes some of her hair away from her face, tapping her fingers lightly to get her to get her to remove her hands from her face and look at him again. When she peeks at him through her fingers she’s met by his small dimple. He takes the opportunity to carefully pry her hands away completely and holds them in his own. “There we go,” he murmurs. “S’just me. You can talk to me.”

“I’m scared,” she admits and runs her fingers over his rings. Harry frowns but doesn’t say anything, just lets her take her time to gather her scattered mind. It’s hard though when he is finally so close again and all she can think about is how good he smells and how familiar and soothing it is to have his hand in hers again. “I don’t know - I guess I just worry that you’ll get tired of me or feel like I’m just holding you back or that you’ll meet someone much more exciting than me while you’re away. I’m terrified that you’re going to wake up one day and realise I’m just some loser who lives a boring life that you actually have no interest of being a part of... And I don’t think my heart could take it.” Her voice cracks with the last part.

Harry holds her hand a little tighter in his.

“I don’t think my heart could take it either,” he tells her.

And even though he is right in front of her, holding her hands in his, she can’t stop the feeling of hopelessness coming over her again. She doesn’t want to lose him. Refuses to be the one who leaves.

But he is going away again soon and she doesn’t know what she is supposed to do when he does. The issues of her feeling alone and insecure are still going to be there, and what happens then? Is she going to put them both through another tortures couple weeks again, where neither of them know where they stand? She can’t do that to him.

“Do you think we can make it work?” she asks him and presses her lips together to stop herself from letting another sob escape her.

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully and swallows hard. “But isn’t that part of it? Not knowing. Life is far too short to worry about what might happen in the future. There is alway going to be some bad and some good. The only thing I know for certain right here, right now, is that I love you and that I want to be with you. I don’t want anyone else.”

“Neither do I.”

Harry smiles.

“Okay then,” he says softly and moves himself a little closer to her. “Maybe we can just leave it like that then? And we’ll just figure it out as we go.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.”

There's a moment of silence and she wants to stay in that moment forever. Just the two of them. It’s all she wants. Always. To just be with him.

And when Harry stands up and simultaneously pulls her with him she falls into his arms. His body is so warm against hers and as he grabs her chin and tilts her head back so he can press his soft lips to hers she knows that things will work out between them.

She loves him too much to not at least fight for it.

It will by no means be easy and she knows that when he leaves again in a couple weeks that he is going to take a piece of her heart with him.

But she also knows that she has a piece of his heart with her at all times, and that knowledge fills the small void inside her chest for many years to come.

Let me know what you think! <3

#Harry Styles fanfiction #Harry Styles fanfic #Harry Styles oneshot #Harry Styles angst #Harry Styles fluff #requested

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comfyswitcherblanketfort · 3 years

Note

please please a part 2 of that gamer!geralt au, them doing something like Q&A

Nonie, I hope you know what you signed up for. This got out of hand lmao. like 2.4k of Q&A kind of out of hand.

Warnings: swearing, talk of drinking to excess, kinda spicy questions, lil kisses, idk how but I meant for this to be goofy and horny and it got kinda soft? what’s new?

____________

“Holy shit,” Geralt sat staring at his phone as he mindlessly stirred pasta.

“I swear to god, if you found a way to burn noodles-” Jaskier turned away from the blender to wave a wooden spoon covered in pesto puree.

Geralt shook his head and held his phone up to him, scrolling through the replies to a tweet as he did, going on for ages as Jaskier’s jaw slowly got closer to the floor.

“What are those for?!”

“I put up a poll for a boyfriend Q&A or a game review and not a single person has voted for the game review.” Geralt was still scrolling through questions people wanted answered as he watched Jaskier’s face go from shock to confusion to a smug grin.

“They love me,” he sang, kicking his heel up as he turned back to the pasta sauce.

Geralt rolled his eyes and started screenshotting some of the less invasive questions, shaking his head and muttering, “Course they do.”

Geralt pressed record, waited a moment, and heaved a dramatic, long-suffering sigh, “You guys literally didn’t even give me a choice on this one,” he reached off frame and scruffed Jaskier, plopping him down on the couch with him.

Jaskier didn’t stay where he was put for even a moment, using his momentum to bounce up onto Geralt’s lap with a shit-eating grin, “Oh? Are we rolling?”

Geralt dropped his forehead to Jaskier’s shoulder, stifling a laugh, “This is gonna be a long one.”

“Yeah, it is,” Jask agreed, then turned to the camera, stroking Geralt’s hair, “My fans want more!”

“OH-kay,” Geralt manhandled Jaskier to sit next to him which earned him a pout and a leg draped over his lap as he continued his intro, “I’ve got a bunch of questions from twitter. I didn’t even have to confirm which video we would do, you guys just went straight for the kill. I picked a few, Jask picked a few, neither of us knows which ones the other picked.” he turned to see Jaskier wiggle his eyebrows at the camera, “Why am I thinking you picked the raunchy ones?”

The brunet pretended to be offended before he smirked, “Only a few.”

Geralt rolled his eyes. “Of course,” he nudged Jask with his shoulder and opened up his phone to his screenshots, “Okay! First up is AdamSandlersBitch, nice name. They asked what Jaskier’s favorite gaming console and game to play is.” he turned to Jaksier with raised eyebrows.

His boyfriend cringed, “My.. my phone? I don’t know? I play a lot of Candy Crush while I listen to podcasts?”

Geralt smiled sweetly, “Wait what about Stardew Valley? I thought you started that?”

“I did!” Jaskier brightened up for a moment before he deflated again, “But I got confused and then the ADHD made me bake cookies.”

“Those were good cookies. I’ll play with you if you want?” Geralt’s normal ‘streamer dude’ persona melted away while he played with the rips on Jaskier’s jeans.

Jask leaned forward and kissed his temple, “I’d love that.”

Geralt blushed, even after years, Jaskier’s affection still caught him off guard.

“Mkay! My turn!” Jaskier flashed his devilish grin and read, in his most obnoxious voice, “Dwn2Clwn said ‘do you two live together? Have you said ‘i love you’? And who tops?’”

Geralt’s mouth twisted into an upside-down U as he stared at Jaskier in muted surprise, “Honestly, not as bad as I expected.”

Jaskier looped his arm around Geralt’s, “I’m starting off easy.”

Geralt let his mock-disapproving gaze linger just a bit before he answered, “The living together is kind of new-like a few months. This one said ‘I love you’ on, what? The fourth date? Fifth?”

“Fourth.”

“No, it was the fifth, Eskel locked himself out on the fourth. Remember?”

“Shit you’re right,” Jaskier gave the camera a stern look, “In my defense, we’d been friends for a good four years before this. I wasn’t just confessing my love to a tinder date - though I have done that before.”

Geralt nodded, “That was very amusing.”

Jaskier tapped his nose, “Don’t avoid the last part, darling.”

Geralt huffed and stared down the camera, and, in the most matter of fact tone possible, said, “We switch. Compromise, folks. Can’t have one person doing all the work all the time.”

Jaskier nodded sagely, patting Geralt's chest, “We got a pow-”

Geralt clamped his hand over Jaskier’s mouth, 100% sure he was going to say ‘power bottom pillow princess’, “Nope. I’ll get demonetized for that.”

“But not who tops?” Jaskier asked through Geralt’s fingers.

He just shrugged, “I don’t make the rules.”

Jaskier tapped his phone and raised his eyebrows, telling him to move to the next question.

“Mis- Mischanication? Shit I hope I said that right, Mischanication asked, ‘would you ever get a pet together?’ We did! Her name is Roach and she’s a little shit! I told Jaskier not to feed her, but he did, now we have the snuggliest, crankiest cat I’ve ever met!”

Jaskier had gotten up to pluck Roach from her perch on the windowsill when Geralt had read the question and plopped down with her as Geralt finished his proud speech, “She’s not a little shit! She’s just delicate! Isn’t that right, darling?”

Geralt scratched under her chin and cooed, “You are a nasty little dragon baby, aren't you?! Just a little garbage child! Yes, you are. We love the tiny demon beast.”

“Geralt!”

He snickered and kissed Jaskier’s hair, “Next question, love.”

Jaskier grumbled something about positive reinforcement as Roach scampered back to her cat tree and he unlocked his phone for his next tweet, “This darling wants to remain anonymous,” Geralt gave him some serious side-eye at that, “they said ‘I think I’m in love with the flower twink, where can I find one of my own?’”

Geralt frowned at the camera and pulled Jaskier onto his lap, holding him close and snuggling into his chest, almost growling, “Hands off.”

Jaskier giggled, brushing Geralt’s hair out of his face as he talked to the camera, “You heard the man. Unfortunately, I was not mass-produced and I’ve been spoken for.”

Geralt looked up at him with what could only be called suspicious puppy eyes, “You picked that one just to sit in my lap didn’t you?”

“Yes. And because I want to change my socials to ‘flower twink’.”

“Do it,” Geralt kept Jaskier on his lap as he swiped to his next question, “Eggsfuckingsuck - heh, my dad hates eggs- Eggsfuckingsuck says, ‘what is the most embarrassing thing you’ve caught each other doing/saying?’ Oh boy, do I have a story for you!”

"Oh I couldn't say the thing but you can tell this story!?"

"...you have a point... Check my insta stories. I'll put it there after I post this."

Jaskier nodded, ever so pleased, and turned to the camera, "Our dear Yennefer of sorceryglammour once beat Geralt at trivia night when the theme was 'video games'."

“We did shots before we went to the bar and she goaded me and Lambert into a chugging competition before the round started. I’m telling you, she planned this. Yen is ruthless.” Geralt desperately tried to justify his defeat but Jaskier was having none of it.

“She’s mostly harmless, plus I have video evidence from that night. You weren’t that far gone.”

“Pull it up! Let’s settle it.”

Jaskier patted Geralt’s head like one would a toddler, “I’d have to get my old laptop out. Later, darling.”

Geralt had a smug look on his face, “That means he doesn’t have it anymore.”

“Next question!” Jaskier squeaked, not at all changing the subject.

Geralt shrugged, “If you admit I won that one.”

“It’s not a competition!” Jaskier laughed, looking down at him with that stupidly smitten look on his face.

“Hmmm…” Geralt tilted his chin up defiantly, “if you say so.”

Jaskier kissed him, lingering a little bit more than could be considered chaste, “I do.”

Geralt looked up at him, batting his eyelashes, “Fine then, next question.”

Jaskier handed him his phone and he read it off leaning his head on Jaskier’s shoulder, “CountryBumpkin42 asked if we play any instruments. I play the recorder very poorly, but Jask plays everything.”

“Not everything, but yes, I could cover a Trans Siberian Orchestra song if I had a pedalboard with enough loop settings.” Jaskier preened.

“And more,” Geralt added, counting on his fingers as he spoke, “In this house alone he has two pianos, three different types of guitars, a drumset, a violin and fiddle, a flute and piccilo, an oboe, a mandolin, a lute, bongos, saxophone, clarinet, tambourine, trumpet, and xylophone. Did I get them all?”

Jaskier glanced from side to side with a guilty look, “Ah… no, I bought a bass sax that showed up last night.”

“Oh, did Thursday at 3 decide they wanted to switch after all?”

“Yeah! She got the third chair as a freshman on a loaner instrument! I’m very proud!”

Geralt seemed to remember they were recording and turned back to the camera, “J teaches music at the university and does private lessons.”

“It’s how I can afford such a pretty trophy boyfriend,” Jaskier teased, ruffling Geralt’s hair and earning a little chuckle.

“Mkay, what do you have next?”

Jaskier smoothed Gearalt’s hair back down as he read the next question, “3R4108F6!J asks if we have any cute nicknames for each other.”

Geralt’s eyebrows nearly flew past his hairline, “J has a new one for me almost every day.”

“Its true,” Jaskier nodded, “I am a slut for cute nicknames. This morning was Ger Bear, one of my faves. I called him Thumbs for a bit, I lovingly call him Dumb Fuck rather often.”

“And he is Dip Shit, it’s balanced. I usually just shorten names? Jask or J is usually it, right?” Geralt asked, shifting so Jaskier was sitting on the couch between his legs and they were both turned out toward the camera but very much still cuddling.

“And when I’m being childish I get Alfie. But Geralt is much more deliberate and specific with his nicknames. It’s a bit of a friendship level up when he uses nicknames.”

Geralt frowned at him, “I do that?”

Jaskier giggled, “You never noticed?”

He tilted his head, giving Jaskier a quizzical look, “Not at all.”

Jaskier cupped Geralt’s cheek, “You’re so cute.”

Geralt blushed again, leaning into the touch just a tad, “Who’s turn is it?”

“Yours,” Jaskier hummed, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

“Okay,” Geralt blushed even more, “I had this one as an alternate, but uh, Yen asked what we’d name our first kid?”

Jaskier leaned into Geralt’s shoulder and hummed as he thought for a moment, “I always like Blake or Spencer, but I seem to remember you saying something about old world traditional names?”

Geralt nodded, absentmindedly running his fingers up and down Jaskier’s arm, “My grandma was hoping each of us boys would be a girl and wanted mum to name us Cirilla every time. I quite like it, but I’m rather open as long as I don’t know someone with the name. I really like Eric?”

“Oo, I like Eric.”

“But you like the neutral names.”

“I do, but it’s your hypothetical kiddo too.”

Geralt gave him a little squeeze, “There’s time for that later. What’s your next one?”

Jaskier snorted when he looked at his phone, “What are your guys’ love languages?”

Geralt just looked down at Jask, completely entangled in his arms, then up to the camera, “I’m gonna hazard a guess at physical touch.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a safe bet,” Jaskier giggled, “I haven’t taken the quiz in years, but I was that and gifts.”

“Oh, yeah. Physical touch and words of affirmation. I got like a 0 on acts of service and gifts, but I really like giving gifts.”

“Mhm, yes you do,” Jaksier wiggled his eyebrows, then turned to the camera, “I also had no idea you could have different giving and receiving languages till I met this one.”

Geralt nodded then turned to him with a slight frown, “you know I really thought your questions were going to be more graphic.”

“Oh, honey I saved the best for last,” Jaskier winked.

“Fuck me,” Geralt grumbled before reading off his last question, “Cali852 asked what we did for Pride.”

Jaskier’s eyes lit up, “Oh Pride was fun. We watched the parade, of course, then Yen did our makeup and… and where did we go after that?”

Geralt looked like he’d been waiting for this, “We went to a club, where you ordered three kamakazis, knocked them all back, danced for twenty minutes, then I took you home.”

“N-no… we went to the beach, didn’t we?”

“That was the year before. We were going to go to the drag show at our regular bar too, but someone had just finished grading finals and went a little too hard.”

Jaskier grinned, “Speaking of finals, time for the last question. I had a different one in mind but if the thing I cant say from earlier would get this demonetized then that defintitelyi would. So we’re going with ‘what is the wackest placy y’all banged?’”

Geralt snorted, “Shit who knows anymore?”

“Well there was the boat?”

“Or the train?”

“Nah, too standard. What about the cabin?”

“Heh, no I think your o-”

“I don’t have tenure darling,” It was Jaskier’s turn to slap his hands over Geralt’s mouth, “The answer is a dilapidated structure my parents still try to call a cabin out in the foothills.”

Geralt laughed and pulled his hand away, “Okay, that can be the answer.”

“Is that it? Now we just say bye?” Jaskier looked between Geralt and the camera.

Geralt shrugged, “Yeah. You wanna say the thing?”

Jaskier wiggled with a little pride and excitement, “Don’t forget to like and subscribe! Bye Fuckers!”

They both waved for a couple seconds before Geralt got up and turned the camera off. He popped out the memory card and was going to immediately start loading it onto his computer but Jask hooked his finger through a belt loop as he walked past and tugged him back down.

“I’m tired. Snuggle with me.”

Geralt hummed, “We just snuggled that whole time.”

Jaskier heaved a dramatic sigh, “I know and this is exhausting. I don’t know how you talk to a camera all day.”

Geralt stretched to set the chip on top of his laptop before collapsing back on top of Jaskier who had stretched the length of the couch, “Are you making fun of me?” he teased.

Jaskier cupped his face between his hands and pulled him up for a deep kiss, “Oh never.”

#geraskier #gamer geralt #streamer geralt #teacher jaskeir #noob jaskeir #geraskier boyfriends #geraskier fluff #soft geraskier #the witcher #the witcher fic #geraskier fic #geraskier modern au #the witcher modern au #look this is so self indulgent i hope yall still like it #lmao

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honeytae · 3 years

Text

Stop running from love.

hey bubs! honestly..i don’t know what this is lol it kind of got away from me. but it’s loosely based off of safety net by ariana grande. which is like one of my favorite songs in existence. i hope you guys like this angsty little piece of nothing?? lmao

tags: @ahgasearmyfan, @hoseokayy, @jjlovr2015 genre: angst, fluff? word count: 2.2k

if you would like to listen, here it is:

You were doing it again.

Sabotaging yourself. Running away. Ghosting a man who had only ever shown you the utmost care and respect.

He’d already called multiple times today, frantic texts showing that he was now beyond worried at the way you’d seemingly dropped off the face of the earth.

You couldn’t blame him. You’d been exclusively dating for three months. Three beautiful and happy months alongside a great guy whose smile brightened every room he graced with his precious presence. Three months that you’d been able to not go into a panic about that very concept.

Until you fell.

The last time you’d seen Jimin was last week when he’d met with you after work for a quick bite to eat.

It was the same place you always went to; you didn’t even have to ask where you were meeting anymore, already on your way to the booth in the back corner with a stupid grin on your face.

The checker floored diner had become a regular spot for you two to stop at, as it was in the middle of the city and perfectly placed between both of your jobs.

That quick bite to eat had easily turned into a full dinner, along with a dessert that’s whipped cream ended up on the tip of his nose in an instant, your giggles causing him to grin wider as he played dumb.

It was simple, not extravagant or fancy by any means, but that was never needed with him. You always had so much fun with Jimin. He was gentle, sweet, caring. All the right things.

And it was when he was walking you back up to your apartment, his hand gripping yours in a way that was soft yet secure, sparkling eyes pressing into crescents when he smiled over at you that you came to a stunning realization; you were falling in love with him.

With a panicked last press of your lips to his cheek, you’d closed your door, leaning back against it as you stared ahead of you, absolutely paralyzed in the silence of your apartment.

You could not be in love. What even is love? Heartbreak, that’s what it is. One way or another, it will always end. You needed to pull back before you got too invested. But, fuck, was it too late?

Erupting into hysterics as you came to terms with what had to be done to protect both yourself and Jimin, you slid your back down the wood, placing your forehead on your knees as you curled up into yourself.

Since then, you’d made it your mission to put him off, every text going unanswered and each call going to voicemail.

And now here you were in your bed in the early hours of the afternoon, shades drawn to encase the room in pitch black. It matched your mood, frustrated and angry with yourself as you cried into your pillow.

You hated yourself for doing this to him. Shutting him out with no explanation; he deserves more than you. In the end, this was to his benefit. He’d go on to find someone worthy of his companionship, someone who didn’t want to disappear at the concept of love.

Someone with less baggage to drag along with them, someone who had a healthy idea of relationships and wasn’t shattered at their core.

While it was painful to ignore him without giving a reason, you knew he’d give up on you eventually. Everyone always did, and it was just for the best.

You hiccuped another sob as your phone buzzed on the table yet again, grabbing the pillow from beside you to sandwich your head between the mattress and the fluffy material, effectively muffling the noise of the vibration as you screwed your sore eyes shut.

“Love?”

You froze at the sudden unmistakable sound of Jimin’s voice calling for you, head spinning as you shut your eyes tighter.

Were you imagining Jimin’s voice beside you? Were you that far gone?

You were proven wrong when the blanket was pulled off of your body, cold air hitting the bare skin of your arms as the pillow was removed from atop your head.

You gasped at the sudden exposure, prying your eyes open to look up at none other than Jimin, the hurt and worried look on his face immediately causing you to sob again.

“Shit, baby, come here.” He rushed to sit down beside you, you easily crawling onto his lap as he wrapped his arms around your back, palm smoothing up and down your spine as he slowly rocked you back and forth.

You sat there silently, letting yourself be comforted by him. For some reason, Jimin was harder to push away than the others. His arms felt so nice around you, like home.

But this had to be done. You wanted him to stay like this in your memory, his image remaining undamaged by any painful breakup.

“Jimin, I-I can’t see you anymore. We can’t be together.” You forced out, heart twisting in agony at the silence ensuing after your words, Jimin shifting you up his lap to look at you.

“What do you mean?” He asked in disbelief, eyebrows knitting together as his eyes widened, you shaking your head instead of giving him a verbal answer due to the growing lump in your throat at his undeniably heartbroken expression.

“We just can’t, Jimin.” You said lamely, your tight grip on his arm contradicting your words as his mouth gaped open at you.

“Wh- what’s wrong? What did I do?” He asked desperately, causing you to sob harder at him blaming himself for this.

“It’s not you, Jimin. You’re amazing, you deserve a better person.” You sniffled, Jimin immediately pulling a face of further confusion as he shook his head to dismiss your words.

“A better- what are you talking about?” He asked, chasing your eyes as you chose to divert them to stare at the blank wall in front of you.

“You deserve someone amazing just like you, Jimin.” You mumbled, the man sitting there in silence before he shifted off of the bed, making you think you’d finally pushed him away.

The feeling of his weight being removed from the bed both pained and relieved you, happy for him to be able to move on now, but sad at that same idea.

But you were taken by surprise when Jimin kneeled on the floor in front of you, forcing you to look at him as he reached up to hold your chin, eyes imploring yours to be more upfront with him.

“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. What are you talking about?” He repeated his question, silence lingering in the air at the words as you sat anxiously plucking the sheets below you with your fingers.

“Baby.” He called for you, his hurt tone causing your nose to scrunch up with more tears, his thumbs catching the salty water as his expression became more pained by the second.

“Let me in. Please, just let me in.” He pleaded with you, voice soft yet firm as he watched you break down in front of him, heart pounding in his chest at the mere thought of losing you from his life because of whatever insecurities you were not telling him about.

“I’m fucking broken, Jimin. You don’t want to be let in, believe me.” You said, voice weak and wavering from the emotions bubbling up in your throat, shaky from the nights of no sleep you'd gotten in the last week.

“Yes, I do. I’d accept all of you if you just gave me a chance.” He gripped your hands with his, intertwining your fingers to give a reassuring squeeze.

Staring at him, you did not know what to say. Nobody had ever pushed back on your walls like this. They accepted it, moved on, and lived a better life without you in it. You just wished Jimin would do the same.

But he was fighting you on it. Fighting you on something you didn’t even want to do in the first place.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. And that fucking terrifies me.” You explained shakily, concentrating on the feeling of Jimin’s palm running up and down your arm.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, either. It’s new, of course it’s scary. But I care about you, I want you, I miss you. I don’t want you to shut me out.” He said softly, his honeyed voice soothing you enough to make eye contact with his gentle brown orbs.

It was silent as you stared at each other, fear in his eyes and the same reflecting in your own. Studying his features, your heart twisted at his uncharacteristically dark circles, realizing he was probably running on the same amount of sleep you were at the moment.

“I don’t know where to go from here.” You sniffled, Jimin tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as his glassy eyes stared back at you.

Feeling confident enough to stand from the floor and sit beside you on the bed, he let you guide him up against the headboard, resting your backs on it as you let out a sigh.

“Stop pushing me away. Stop running from love.” He responded, his words sounding so genuine that you nearly burst out into tears again.

Instead, you wrapped your arms around his neck, placing your temple on his shoulder as his arms encircled your torso.

“I want to be with you.” You admitted in a hoarse whisper, head throbbing as you rested your weight on Jimin, body giving out in exhaustion as he held you to him, delicate as if you’d break. Hell, maybe you would.

“Me too.” He said without missing a beat, eagerness evident in his tone as you let your aching eyes fall shut.

“I just don’t know how.” You sighed, the man humming in response as he threaded his fingers through your hair, rubbing your scalp soothingly as he pressed a tender kiss to the top of your head.

“We can figure it out together, okay? I don’t want to throw in the towel. Not without at least a little bit of a fight.” He joked, the heavy mood in the room being lightened a bit at the sound of your exhaled laugh.

You lifted your head to look at him, opening your eyes to meet his own in the dark room, barely able to make out his features as the sun must have gone in behind the clouds outside your bedroom.

“I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into, Jimin. I’m a mess. If you want to run, go now.” You spoke seriously, one corner of the man’s lips lifting as he bit down on his cheek, a habit you’d picked up early on as behavior he exhibited when he was hesitant to say something.

“Listen, I’m a mess too. This is nothing.” He reassured you, your eyes studying his features as he seemed to express a vulnerability you hadn’t seen before with him.

“Trying to break up with you because of my own baggage and insecurities? That’s nothing?” You asked with a humorless chuckle, causing the man to reach out for your hand, sighing out a breath of relief when you let him lock his fingers around yours again.

“Well, I guess that in itself is something.” He shrugged, shuffling to hover over you as your red eyes met his.

“But I will always fight for you. You’re worth fighting for.” He said firmly, your eyes becoming glassed over again before you picked your head up off the pillow to catch his lips in a kiss, your palms sliding to the back of his neck as his plush lips worked over yours.

Sensing your emotions, he pulled back only slightly to press his lips over your closed eyelids, the tender action causing your frown to deepen as you gazed up at the sweet man.

“I’m not going to leave you. Whatever’s been done to you in the past, I’m not a repeat of that. I would never do anything to hurt you, I promise.” He said softly, his words seemingly making your heart alive again as it began to pound rapidly in your chest.

And with that, you threw caution to the wind. Even if he broke your heart, you couldn’t stop that from cutting your experience with him shorter than it had to be.

Because Jimin was the softest, sweetest, most lovable man you’d ever met. He showed time and time again that he cared about you, that he wasn’t like the others. And to give him up just because of some bad past experiences was just not worth it.

“I trust you.” You whispered, almost scared to let the words fall from your lips, but relieved when you saw the wide smile on Jimin’s face.

“I trust you, too.” He said softly, tracing his finger over your cheek as he leaned down to kiss you again, laying down beside you to spoon your body with his, pressing his lips against your shoulder in a soothing action.

Laying in his arms, you felt more at peace than you’d felt in days. Being back in his embrace, you felt like you could breathe again, easily falling into much needed sleep with his warmth pressed to your back, his arms looped around your body as he pressed tender kisses to the shell of your ear.

Jimin was your home. And it felt so good to be home.

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firelxdykatara · 3 years

Text

gods, ok, apparently i’m not done.

atla fandom? we need to have a chat.

(....ok that made me sound pretentious as fuck. and maybe i am, but this needs to be said, cause i’m getting....real, real tired of a Certain Corner of this fandom and as a result, this is gonna be a discourse-heavy post so feel free to scroll past if that’s not your bag. as always, my salt posts all carry the catch-all #salt for ts tag, which you’re free to blacklist/filter at your leisure. i’m Very Annoyed at the moment, which will probably come through in the following post, so just. yknow. be prepared for that. or ignore it, that’s perfectly valid too.)

under a cut bc i do care for my followers and their sanity i swear lmao

there’s a real serious issue in this fandom with not understanding what queer terminology actually means or implies, especially when applied to a fictional narrative.

i’m specifically talking about ‘coding’, here. (if i were in a more meme-y mood, i might have said ‘the atla fandom found out about the term “gay-coding” and haven’t shut up since’.)

to the people who say ‘zuko is gay-coded’, i have this to say: you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means. because he isn’t. i’m sorry, but he’s not! and the fact that this is such a prevalent claim in this fandom is distressing, bc it says to me that none of y’all know what gay-coding is or when and how to apply it! please, i’m begging you, go and look up these terms and what they mean and when they should be used before actually trying to plug them into your critical analysis, because when you misuse them and then call other people delusional for disagreeing with you it casts a pall over the entire fandom and is, i think, the root of some of the worst toxicity this fandom has to offer.

and the thing is, there are cases where gay-coding would apply--for instance, a couple series that are famous for queerbaiting their audience by coding their main characters as being attracted to one another (sometimes even despite their openly stated sexualities) come to mind, but those shows bare no similarities at all to atla and how zuko was written and portrayed! (and it would be funny, if it weren’t so obnoxious and infuriatingly wide-spread throughout the fandom, because the only queer couple we actually seen on-screen in either show wasn’t even queer-coded in any respect, and they’re canonically bi! [yes, i’m shading korrasami, or more accurately i’m shading bryke for refusing to give ka the build-up and development they deserved].)

this absolutely isn’t to say that headcanoning zuko as gay is a bad thing or invalid in any respect. (although the tendency for zukka shippers to do this specifically to keep zuko away from katara and/or invalidate his canon relationship/attraction to girls is more than a little eyebrow raising. especially since sokka is usually allowed to be bi, bc fans have no problem letting sukka stay in the background bc it’s no real threat, while jetko shippers are happy to have both boys be bi. [possibly bc katara is less a threat to jetko bc jetkotara is every bit as valid as any single ship between the three, but zukka can’t exactly let katara join in, and if the potential exists for zuko to be attracted to her then canon giving them the far deeper emotional bond becomes a threat to zukka’s existence? idk for sure--you be the judge.]) i prefer to hc zuko as bi (and always have, long before the atla renaissance), bc i don’t think zuko being attracted to boys is outside the realm of possibility, and it isn’t a threat to my ship since zuko&katara had a deep and emotional bond in canon that is very easy to develop further into something that becomes explicitly romantic--but the headcanon itself isn’t really the problem (although what it’s often in service to can be).

it’s the strange insistence that this is the only way to read his character, bc he was coded that way and so anyone who doesn’t see it must be too straight to understand--and i really shouldn’t have to say why and how that is so incredibly fucking insulting. (the ‘hetero lenses’ comment wasn’t cute when it came from bryke six years ago, and the same sentiment being repackaged and delivered by zukka shippers ain’t cute now.)

calling zuko gay-coded not only demonstrates ignorance as to what the term actually means, and how to usefully apply it in critical analysis, but also validates the frankly bullshit insertion of institutionalized homophobia in the world of atla where it was neither needed, nor wanted, nor ever hinted at in canon. as a queer woman i’m still infuriated by one fucking comic panel shoving institutionalized and systemic homophobia into a world where it was entirely unnecessary (and doing this in the first installment of the franchise showcasing a queer relationship??? making korra and asami worried about ‘coming out’ when they could have just gone on to have cute adventures together and tell people ‘hey we’re dating’ and have everyone else be ‘that’s awesome =DDD’ [because it is, in fact, possible to just have a world without homophobia i promise!!!!!] double yikes, i’m still pissed at bryke about it), and i doubly hate that ‘zuko is gay coded’ has become so widespread that ‘ozai hates him bc he’s gay’ has become a staple in that part of the fandom.

not only does making zuko gay and implying (or outright stating) that ozai hated and abused him because of it completely undermine zuko’s character arc by making his abuse about his sexuality rather than ozai’s toxic pride and anger at seeing himself reflected in his ‘weak’ son, but it comes very close to outright stating that abuse and trauma are inherently gay experiences, and they aren’t!!! they really aren’t, i promise!!!

abuse and trauma narratives exist outside of ‘my dad hates me because i’m gay’. and, quite frankly, there are MORE THAN ENOUGH queer trauma narratives out in the world. we do not need to start trying to retroactively make them canon in a series where they didn’t exist! if you’re gay and see yourself in zuko and project your own experiences on him, that’s understandable and valid. that does not make zuko gay-coded. and honestly, the insistence that he is makes very little sense to me, because you’re essentially trying to give the show credit for work you put into interpreting the characters! why would you want to do that? why not own your own headcanons and take credit for them, rather than insisting they are canon and everyone else is wrong for not seeing them??? like, i’ve said before that i’ve always headcanoned zuko (and katara) as bi, and even support it with my interpretations of evidence from the show, but the difference between ‘i think zuko is bi’ and ‘zuko is definitely gay-coded’ is that i know that bi zuko is my interpretation of canon, and that it is work i’m putting into the show that wasn’t actually intended by the creators/writers, no matter how much sexual tension i read into the jetko swordfight.

and like, zuko’s character arc doesn’t actually parallel a queer one all that well to begin with. it’s easy enough to do the work and twist it sideways just enough to make the general points fit, but the fact is, zuko’s arc is not one of self-discovery. it’s not one of coming to understand something fundamental about himself that he can’t change, that he was hated for, and coming out to his father in a dramatic confrontation where he shows that he understands himself and doesn’t need his father’s acceptance to be fulfilled.

zuko’s arc is actually one of trauma and healing. and those can (and often are--like i said, there are more than enough queer trauma narratives in the world, atla really doesn��t need to be one of them) be part of queer narratives, for sure! but they aren’t uniquely queer. and zuko’s confrontation with ozai during the eclipse doesn’t read like a ‘coming out’ at all. (yes, i’ve seen that post. yes, i rolled my eyes and moved on, bc unlike some people, i’m capable of not clowning on correctly tagged posts i disagree with.) zuko is specifically confronting ozai over his abuse, because his arc wasn’t about discovering anything fundamental about himself (and therefore realizing that ozai was hating him for something he couldn’t change)--it was about realizing that he was not at fault for the way his father treated him. it was also about realizing that the fire nation was broken and corrupt at its core, and that his father was an aspect of that he needed to break away from so that he could help the world begin to heal.

he says it himself:

Zuko: No, I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own! Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the War was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness.

making this about zuko being gay and rejecting ozai’s homophobia, rather than zuko learning fundamental truths about the world and about his home and about how there was something deeply wrong with his nation that needed to be fixed in order for the world to heal (and, no, ‘homophobia’ is not the answer to ‘what is wrong with the fire nation’, i’m still fucking pissed at bryke about that), misses the entire point of his character arc. this is the culmination of zuko realizing that he should never have had to earn his father’s love, because that should have been unconditional from the start. this is zuko realizing that he was not at fault for his father’s abuse--that speaking out of turn in a war meeting in no way justified fighting a duel with a child.

is that first realization (that a parent’s love should be unconditional, and if it isn’t, then that is the parent’s fault and not the child’s) something that queer kids in homophobic households/families can relate to? of course it is. but it’s also something that every other abused kid, straight kids and even queer kids who were abused for other reasons before they even knew they were anything other than cishet, can relate to as well. in that respect, it is not a uniquely queer experience, nor is it a uniquely queer story, and zuko not being attracted to girls (which is what a lot of it seems to boil down to, at the end of the day--cutting down zuko’s potential ships so that only zukka and a few far more niche ships are left standing) is not necessary to his character arc. nor does it particularly make sense.

(and before anyone brings up his date with jin--a) he enjoyed it when she kissed him, and b) he was a traumatized, abused child going out on a first date. of course he was fucking awkward. have you ever met a teenage boy????)

anyway, uh, that was a lot of words, so have a tl;dr: zuko is not gay-coded. there is nothing uniquely gay (or even uniquely queer) about his character arc or characterization, and he was certainly not coded gay in an attempt to sneak a queer character past the censors. if anyone involved with atla was gonna try that, it would’ve been in lok, and as established, they didn’t even manage to queer-code the actual queer relationship before the last few minutes of the final episode. headcanoning zuko as gay is absolutely fine (though if it’s only done to keep him away from female characters he may otherwise be attracted to, that smells more like misogyny than anything else), but insisting that this reading is the only one that makes sense, and anyone who doesn’t agree must be straight (hello, queer woman here making this insanely long thinkpiece) is very much not.

ship what you like, but stop trying to invalidate other ships and other interpretations of characters just to make your ship seem more plausible. it’s really not a good look.

#atla #zuko #zukka salt #more like zukka shipper salt #atla fandom salt #salt for ts #zuko is not gay coded and im so so tired of seeing that argument in this fandom #it's fine as a hc but it's not canon and was never remotely intended and his arc isn't particularly evocative of a gay narrative #long post #queer things

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