#tw bad thoughts

[tissbutthfourth]

I’ve decided to make this be its own post

Inspired by this

Tw: Angsty themes and bad thoughts

‘Worthless’

Fizz clenched his hand,” Ima go grab something brb.”

“Ok babe,”Ozzie smiled.

Fizz strolled through the silent halls. Opened the door to his room and began his search.

“Where the fuck is it?”

‘Same void as your worth’

“Shut up… shit.”

He didn’t mean to say that out loud.

‘Over dramatic much’

He took a deep breath before resuming his search. He hoped over to the multi mirrored vanity,and opened a drawer.

He picked up a small pouch and set it on the table before opening it. He pulled out a makeup brush chapstick and a screw driver,”Damn.”

He began to put the objects back in when he noticed a small pocket on the inside. He pulled a small disk out of it. He flicked it open and found broken white powder on one side and on the other his face, and Mammon behind him.

He froze for a second. He blinked and squinted. It was just a potted plant.

He placed the different things back in the pouch and put it back in the drawer. He opened the next one to find it was empty.

“Well fuck me then.”

‘Like how the fire did?’

“Fuck off.”

‘Oh so you don’t have some big smart comeback this time or are you an inconstant whore?’

He moved the last drawer, He opened it and found a mess of objects,”Fun.”

He pulled out a few of the objects searching,”where the hell?”

‘Nothing without the talent you threw away’

Fizz’s eyes grew shot and he threw the perfume in his hand. It hit the mirror in front of him. Smell shattered against sight.

“Fuck.”

He stared at the mess for a second. The pink shards that mixed with the mirror’s. A puddle of purple liquid smelled like Ozzie.

He broke ozzie’s favorite perfume.

‘What are you gonna tell him now? It’s not like you even deserve him. He’s a deadly sin. You’re just an imp’

“WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

His head went silent.

“Fuck,”Fizz whipped away a tear.

“Froggie is everything ok?” Asmodais burst into the room,”… Oh.” His eyes glanced over the scene. Fizz’s tears. The shoved away seat. And the shattered glass all said the same thing.

Ozzie took a step forward.

‘He’s gonna tell you to get your shit together’

“I’m sorry-“ The tears started coming faster,”I- Hic I didn’t mean- Hic I- I’m sorry… Hic”

“Oh babe… It ok it’s just a mirror and some perfume.”

‘Like how your just an Imp’

“But it- Hic was your favorite- hic And it was my favorite cuz it-hic was you.”

“Fizzy it’s ok, but… why did you?”

Fizz took deep breath and the tears started to slow,”I don’t know.”

“You can tell me anything.”

“I don’t- I…”

“What’s wrong?”

Fizz didn’t answer he didn’t have words. Ozzie waited patiently.

‘You gonna tell him you made yourself angry? You gonna say you got mad? That the voices made you do it? You’ll end up in a straight jacket faster than a flame’

“It’s nothing my arm just glitched and i lost control.”

“Oh… Do you want me to see if there’s a problem or-“

“It’s fine i’ll take care of it.”

“Ok… I’m gonna get a broom, You stay here ok?”

“Ok.”

Ozzie left the room and once he was down the hall Fizz glanced at a mirror.

His reflection seemed to taunt him.

‘Or maybe you do deserve him, after all he’s the embodiment of sin, of evil. Maybe he’s all you got because he’s as bad as you.’

#helluva boss #fizzarolli helluva boss #helluva fizzarolli #helluva boss fizz #fizz #fizzarolli #fizzmodeus #fizz x ozzie #helluva boss ozzie #tw angst #tw bad thoughts #fanfic #angst #angst without a happy ending #no happy ending

[plotjotsandespressoshots]

Honestly if minion doesn’t make it, I don’t see the point in keeping going

#tw bad thoughts

[dragonsmindramblings]

TW: SELF HARM AND BAD THOUGHTS :(

*is currently curled up in Don's bed, crying softly because instincts and guilt.*

Its your fault.

*his bed is also a nest now- complete with his weighted blanket and one of his hoodies + (insert article of clothing) from Vee.*

Control yourself better.

*I sniffle, tracing the scar the length of my forearm with my claw.*

You're selfish.

*presses down a little with a blank face, a drop of blood pooling, red against purple.*

Awful.

*pulls my claw away, immediately feeling shame at what I've just done. I hide my arm and go back to crying, eventually falling asleep.*

#dragons mind ramblings #turtle net #donnies exceptional mind #veeswims #when I was younger I struggled with a lot #feeling selfish and self destructive #just a lot of shame and guilt #the scar thing is something I have irl #I'm a lot better now friends and family helped me #and getting to talk to you people everyday makes me so happy ^^ #tw talk of self h4rm #tw self harm #tw bad thoughts

[aloof-isayla]

ahahah love getting stuck thinking about fantasizing about coping in unhealthy ways 😃

#Fuck #I can't get this shit outta my head #i just want it to stop #gay #spilled thoughts #lgbtq #trans #trans ftm #help #vent #i just want it to be over #Why can't I just be cis #Why do I have to have these problems with my body #I shouldn't hate it like this #I try so hard to be healthy to make good choices for my body #But I also just want to sabotage it sometimes #Tw bad coping mechanisms #I'm not sure what to put as a tw I hope I don't ruin someone else's day #tw bad thoughts #Fuck I thought I was getting better #I really did #Tw vent #vent post

[ijustwannadisappearrr]

so , it’s been a while and for some time some thing got so much better. I have been clean for a year now, and i have to thank my ex girlfriend because she helped me so much. I don’t if i talked about her in the past but she is the love of my life. A month ago she left me when i was at my worst. She said to me that she wanted to leave for a couple month but she couldn’t. She said that she was relieved when she left me , and i spend my time thinking if everything that we passed was a lie.

I feel betrayed even if she didn’t cheat on me. I feel stupid for believing in something that wasn’t even there. I feel my heart collapsing every time i think of her. I feel stupid and angry at her for making me believe that she was loving me , that she liked me. I feel so stupid.

The fact that this past month i had so much anxiety that i thought that i was gonna die because of it. I lost so much weight and the thing that i usually enjoyed now they make me feel sick.

I cant do anything about it , i cant try to win her again because of the reason she told me . She left me with no choice. She left me alone.

She promised multiple times that she wouldn’t leave me ever, and that she wouldn’t hurt me like every one else in my life. But she did in fact hurt in much way worse than everybody else.

And i can’t tell her that. That she is making me bleed from my heart. I can’t tell her because i will lose the only connection that i have with her.

She said when she left me that i was one of the most important people in her life. Lately it doesn’t feel like that. I think she knows that she is hurting me but she doesn’t care at all.

I hate how she is continuing to live her life like always and im here crying my self to sleep.

I don’t have anyone but her. I don’t talk to anyone but her. And now i cant tell her how much i miss her, i can’t tell her anything about my day, i can’t tell her how i’m doing and my problems.

I have no one to talk to. I lost everyone. Im a failure.

All i wanna do is actually cut my self so there is a time to think about anything else. I want to stop feeling like this.

I just wanna end it. I cant take it anymore.

The fact that i’m so close to end it all makes me worry. Nobody would care if i leave. I have no one to live for. I lost everyone.

So the question is :

What i’m still doing here?

#self h@rm #i hate ms #i'm tired #tw self destructive behavior #self mutalition #tw sh implied #styroblr #tw sh related #beauty #wlw #tw kms #tw ed diet #tw self destruction #tw bad thoughts #tw sucidal ideation #su1cide #su1c1dal #vent post #i am alone #alone with my thoughts #self h@te #s3lf mutilation #breakup #i just wanna die

[inky-goddess]

i fucking hate my thoughts im off my meds because they werent working and now my thoughts are worse and worse

#crow.txt #/vent #vent post #tw bad thoughts

[pikansanok]

Random thought...

Y'know, I would kind of draw Stinkoman hanging from parapets with a red public-privy-smelling rope around his neck, referencing to the scene from the first Thy Dungeonman game where the enchanted rope glows a mustard red, smells like a public privy and kills Thy Dungeonman, but that would be very dark and probably mistaken for something more sinister, possibly resulting in it being taken down. I don't want to draw it.

#i am making an rpg maker 2003 port of thy dungeonman ft new modes that change text so this might as well be a reference to thy dungeonman #thy dungeonman #stinkoman 20x6 #i don't know what to do #tw death #tw bad thoughts #i shouldnt have said anything #homestar runner

[the-arcade-doctor]

[ there's only one logical thing to spend this money on.. ] [ J:\\ YEAH, LET'S SAY IT AT THE SAME TIME TO PROVE THAT WE'RE STILL IN SYNC. ] [ a sturdy enough hangman's rope. ] [ J:\\ DRUGS AND HOOKERS- OH MY GOD WE'RE BOTH FUCKED UP. ]

#non-canon #shitpost #tw bad thoughts

[randominstake]

So i did it

I wrapped a string light around my throat but my momma saved me thanks to my boyfriend, i cant beleive i almost did that

#tw #tw death #tw bad thoughts #tw self destruction #tw suicide #tw sui implied #tw suicide attempt #tw attempted suicide #please seek help

[j-restlessgeek]

Got sad thoughts :/, now exhausted good night :3

More under the line cause it had to get out (tw bad thought/ suicidal (don’t read))

No idea where it came from but I got a horrible emotional crash (no idea why; my day was great, like really great, I got to ramble about science to a friend for a long time (which I am still very happy about), my sibling shared more of their new fascination with me and finished their model today, plus watched one of my fav movies) as I was about to go to bed and yet immediately being hit by the worst self-doubts in over a year, immediately suicidal and that the world would be better without me in it anf what a waste I am and that am more useful dead than alive. So I spent the last thirty minutes sobbing and crashing from bad thought to bad thought. The episode seems to be over now and am heading for bed, hopefully without another attack. So yeah good night again.

#personal #prob delete in the morning #just had to get out so that I can sleep #tw bad thoughts

[possibly-a-table-or-just-gay]

Sad pathetic vent hours hit please don't read it if you have any shits to give about my wellbeing-

You ever have that moment when all the people around you are chatting about the weekend they had and all the friends they have and its a completely normal conversation but youre near tears because you're scared of social situations and don't ever have the energy to talk to people but you crave the feeling of belonging and security even though deep down youre know you'll never have that because all you do is make things awkward and everyone and everything perfectly fine without you there and you're just a waste of peoples time and attention and no-one actually gives a shit about you without having to like if you hadn't been born into a family or forced into a tiny school nobody would listen to a word you said and you'll never make a meaningful mark on the world you're just an NPC in your own fucking life and you'll probably be dead by twenty anyway so what's the point in trying and wow I'm crying now when did that happen-

#tw vent #tw mental health #tw bad thoughts #ooc #im aware im fucked up in the head but will i do anything about it? #fuck no #fuck new years

[idontknowwhattoputbuthi]

TW SH mention of wanting to do it

.

.

.

I feel like I want to hurt myself again but more in a want to then need to way but I see my counselor tomorrow so I guess that gives me something to talk about

Like I'm so happy I'm 4 months clean but I miss it too right now it's weird

#idk what to tag this as #depressing shit #personal rant #vent post #personal vent #tw self destruction #tw s3lf harm #tw sh related #tw bad thoughts #tw sh implied #sh mention #sh related

[telemna-hyelle]

🦊..you did?

I did. Several years ago. I... thought about some pretty dark things. But I promise you. It gets better. Even if I have a depressive episode now and again, it's nothing like it used to be. It's not easy, but things get better. I promise

#you ask tellie answers #fox my beloved #tw bad thoughts

[weirdo09]

i wanna hurt him, I want to kill him. what is with him and sayin shit like “i’m tryna help you become an obedient, respectful woman.” your idea of an obedient respectful woman is someone who hangs onto your every FCUKING word and can’t open her fucking mouth to defend herself, you’re a bullshit father and a fucking man baby. idfc if you’re a grown ass man, you don’t act like it, hell i’m more of a man than you. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME, YOU DONT MEAN SHIT TO ME. you are a fucking loser and you are just disgusting. you get mad at a few crumbs on the table as if its gonna kill you and your so called family or smth, THEYRE JUST CRUMBS those was from yesterday, where are the roaches you love to talk about? where are the roaches? i wanna hurt you so bad, you are so fucking manipulative it’s insane but you know what? sometimes i really just wanna stab him before he kills me. as dramatic as it sounds, i used to have nightmares of this fool stabbing me in my sleep. i can’t even say shit without someone telling me that women don’t have opinions NO YOU JUST NEVER DEALT WITH A BITCH WHO OPEN HER MOUTH AND SAY WHATS ON HER MOTHERFUCKING MIND! you love to talk about your daughter and how you treat them the same as me but i don’t think you do. i really don’t, because i know you don’t ask them on the phone if they have underwear on or if they’re wearing bras to sleep in. you’re just so fucking shitty and j hate that my momma likes you BECAUSE YOURE A PIECE OF SHIT! you shoulda never been born,,,,

#cade’s things #cade’s thoughts 💭 #cade vents #tw vent #tw stabbing #tw nightmares #tw bad thoughts #tw thoughts of murder #tw bad stepdad

[ijustwannadisappearrr]

I am giving up , seriously this time

and I can notice it as I've stopped trying

I used to be able to accomplish everything I had to do , even when I was sick and depressed

now I can't do anything , I can't get through a day without crying

I can't get out of my bed

I can't study or my homework

I always skip school

I neverr been clean for weeks now

I spend my days overwhelmed by my thoughts and that's it

I am a such a failure

#fresh cvts #self h@rm #shtumblr #i hate ms #i'm tired #su1c1d3 #tw self destructive behavior #i wish things were different #i'm dying #made of styrofoam #tw bad thoughts #tw kms #tw sh implied #may be triggering #overthinking #overwhelmed #i wanna die #i need to stop

[vtforpedro]

medical/personal TW in tags

man idek where to begin. I'm in crisis at the moment so this might be scattered or I make typos, but things are worsening and I'm not getting any help hit eight weeks bed bound yesterday. my mom is the one I have to rely on for financial stuff and she can barely work being my caregiver for about 21 hours a day. I asked my doctor a couple of weeks ago if I could be admitted to the hospital or if he knew how I could get home health aid (a nurse basically) and he said for both I need a diagnosis except they've been twiddling their thumbs not helping me get one. it took my doctor three weeks to even call me back after the lumbar puncture. took another three to have a telehealth appointment???? where they were like OH MAN THIS IS URGENT! MRI STAT! and that was June 6th. guess who hasn't had their MRIs yet lmao because I called four fucking times. FOUR TIMES. to schedule these MRIs after he ordered them to be done at a hospital closer to me (didn't even know there was one). it took the fourth phone call for anyone to look "further" into my chart (her words) and find they needed prior authorization for stat/urgent MRIs and sent a request to my doctor on June 7th. he said he didn't get anything and put the blame on me, of course, despite me telling him I called them numerous times like it's not my fucking job. none of this is my job. I am not the front desk, MA, nurse, doctor, insurance, etc. that is not me, yet they expect patients to be all of them and when it goes wrong, it's our fault. it's genuinely so maddening my spine is fucked. I don't know what's wrong with it but if I tweak it just slightly it takes me out for days, sometimes a week or more. it feels like a repeated injury and I can feel it the second it goes wrong. any pressure, even just a touch, on my spine causes immediate reactions in my spine, neck, and brain? it's horrific. it's so so so fucking horrifying I can't properly describe it other than that. if I sit down too fast, bend too far forward, get bent even slightly backward, the immediate pain in my lumbar spine is terrifying. I'm getting a bunch of other things happening during this like tightening on my thigh muscles only in the back of my thighs. it feels like something is wrapped around the muscle putting pressure on it feels like ants are biting my feet. literally it feels like numerous ants bite my toes, top of my feet, and my achilles tendon. lol. just what the fuck sometimes when I walk it feels like my leg is going to give out. sometimes it has, though I have not fallen yet. it gives out in my upper thigh/pelvis area speaking of that area!!!! the nerve pain that goes through it :))))) the pain in my hip and pelvis at random moments :)))))) for seemingly no reason :))))))) I'm at this weird junction between low and high pressure. my doctor says I can't have both. fucking try me. I do have symptoms of both, though I have gone back to more low than high, but they are both still present. which means I get to experience similar symptoms that pressures share at the same time!!!! I'm a medical miracle :))))) they should study me :))))))))) I told my mom because it's been SO LONG since this started, I bet they don't find a spinal leak. I bet they don't find shit and consider that this is all high pressure and I should start a medication I am not comfortable starting again when I experience low pressure symptoms because it is d a n g e r o u s because I'll be angry, upset, teary, anxious, concerned while they tell me they can't find what's causing it immediately so uhhhh it's all in my head, they'll recommend talking to my psychiatrist lmao I've played this game for 2.5 years, I know how it's going to go I rescheduled my hematology appt three times before we had to say we'll call when we're ready. it's been almost 9 months since my cancer numbers were checked. we were doing every 3, but this was the first 6 months out. god knows when I'll be able to go do labs, so it'll probably be closer to 10 months if I can even last that long. which I do not think I can and for the reasons I'll explain next as a quick related mention, I had a nightmare two nights ago that we finally did labs and my cancer was back with a vengeance. this is what I'm having nightmares about lol my original number was like 1.7 which was super low, early disease, lucky to catch it kinda thing, but I dreamed it was 11.6 and my hematologist was very serious about it I can't treat it btw. my body is not strong enough. I was on chemo less than two months altogether because it nearly killed me twice and she said my body is going to react that way with likely every oral chemo pill. so we just gotta hope it doesn't come back because I can't tolerate what will help fucking cancer looooool my GI system is fucked. idek if it's my GI system. my GI doc was very 'man idk wtf is happening but let's do a CT and if we can't find anything, let's go further' (I don't like this dude at all, go figure, but he's the only doctor I have willing to go further to help). guesssss who hasn't been able to do the CT because of all of this lmaaaao so my lower right abdomen is very painful. always. it is slightly swollen. I pressed against it in the shower a few weeks ago and the pain nearly took me out lol it also felt like something hard-ish was there and it was not the same on the left side. I'm afraid I might have appendicitis because of the 'release pain' thing and that my appendix might rupture at any moment because we haven't been able to look because I've been bed bound for two months :) my teeth are fucked!!!!! I've been sobbing all morning because I finally figured out what's been happening for the last like six weeks. I first felt it in my right upper middle tooth. it was moving slightly and making this weird popping sensation. after the LP my oral hygiene was almost nonexistent for two weeks due to the fact that I could not stand for longer than to pee before I was crying b/c of the agony. but once I felt this tooth, I worked through all of it and have been taking better care of my teeth than I have in a few years (thanks, depression) exceeeept it doesn't matter. in six weeks I have felt my bite shifting, I have watched a gap close, I have felt floss get harder to use, I have felt a deeper area in between my teeth with floss, and just this morning when I gently bit down and felt with my tongue, I realized all lower teeth, mostly the molars, are moving inward toward my tongue. I thought I saw that less than a week ago but then thought I was crazy. but nah. that's what is happening. my top teeth sit on my lower teeth in such a way I can feel how much they're starting lean toward my tongue. my teeth are also crowding and moving forward during all of this, which has closed a tiny gap and made it more difficult to get floss in n e ways this is at least moderate if not severe, rapid periodontal disease, which is irreversible, an emergency to stop/slow/manage it with in-depth dental work. like I need to get to the dentist this week because in six weeks and even more in the last two, my teeth are RAPIDLY shifting. I don't have dental insurance haha :) I'm bed bound haha :) I've been sobbing because of that, but more too, because it's particularly dangerous for me. periodontal disease is an infection where the bacteria eat at your teeth and jaw bones, causing all of the things above ^ and even worse, it can cause heart and lung problems. which is why dental stuff kills people. my teeth are super strong, pretty straight on their own, and I have had one adult cavity. that is all GONE NOW. it's just fucking gone in weeks???? (also: there's a possible correlation between spinal leaks and dental problems isn't that interesting) WORSE STILL and also why I have been sobbing is that this shit can get into the bloodstream. I have leukemia, and even tho it is hopefully still in remission, my labs have never returned to normal, which means we can't call it molecular remission? so I'm at the point of it being more likely to come back and an infection in my bloodstream, which is totally possible from my teeth going to shit, is Very Bad Not Good Terrible for me so I already have to worry about the stress, injury, and lack of being healthy (strong) bringing my cancer out of remission and now I have to worry about this lol I'm also having a hard time swallowing pills which is steadily worsening. food not so much yet, but I think it's coming. it's not my thyroid (though I'm due for an ultrasound and blood work in august), so I have no idea what it is. it's a daily problem and a few times have caused me extreme distress because I can't get a pill to go down my throat without drinking almost a full bottle of water I know you can have disorders of the area at the bottom of your throat and also that the goiter I have from hypothyroidism/hashimoto's can cause this so idk. can't even go to my doctor and figure this out can't go to any doctor to figure anything out while my body is falling apart as I type and a couple of these things if not all of them can be serious I've dreamed of lining up every medical provider I've seen in the last 2.5 years to tell them, looking in their eyes, how fucking wrong they were and how right I was because I know what I'm feeling in my body. I dream of this. I rant in the shower to these people I'll never in my life see again about how horrific they were to me and how wrong they were thinking everything was anxiety now I dream of suing them. I genuinely believe I have a malpractice case (been reading into it a bit) as far as the lumbar puncture and lack of care I've received after it. truly, truly think I do. I've definitely been failed by this whole team, and I've got the mental anguish to prove it lmao I've got the endless calls for over a month and messages to my doctor to prove I've been trying and they've been failing to get me care I don't think I have the energy for it. I'm still working with a disability attorney. I'd have to switch my entire neurological care elsewhere and I'm at 'the' neuro hospital in my state, so will I find better or worse care elsewhere? but I'm being urged by friends to sue at this point because this is far, far beyond what should have happened to me it isn't right and it isn't fair I keep asking my mom during the worst pain and torture of this to kill me. I've asked her to leave and let me kill myself. I'm not in my right mind when the worst is happening and this is severely hurting both me and my mom. I've asked her to sue them when I'm gone because she'll have plenty to prove and deserves damages for what they did to me things are not good and I don't see them getting better. my therapist has to keep asking me if I'm going to kill myself and I say no, but I feel like one more thing going wrong (such as my teeth today) is gonna change that. sometimes I want to tell her the only reason I haven't is because I'm bed bound and it'd be difficult to do right now lmao but I keep fantasizing about how it'd all go. it gets worse the longer I'm here, the more my mom and I fight (it's been awful. so much nasty, unnecessary fighting with the only person I stay alive for), and the more things that keep going downhill. I obviously can't go to a psychiatric hospital because I have such bad health problems it's not feasible, nor is it something I want. I've heard too many horror stories anyway. my therapist says it's not the right place for me at this moment or maybe ever. so that's completely off the table and always will be idk what to do. I keep writing in a google doc to myself all the things I need to hear to stay, what I should live for, what I need to think about in times of crisis like this. I read websites that walk you through an ongoing, extreme crisis. I don't think my mental health can get any worse than this and it's all, all, ALL to do with my physical health. I wouldn't think like this if I didn't have these medical problems so yeah idk what to do. I'm sorry if this was too much or a lot or if it hurts/triggers anyone. it's just where I'm at and it helps me to blog about it even if I wish I could say it was getting better. I've been wishing for a long time that I could finally write a blog and say 'things are getting better. things are improving. I'm on my way out of this hell' but I've never been able to, and I don't know what to do about it anymore. it feels like I have one option and I don't want to feel that way but I do. I wish the medical field was better here and hadn't failed me like this. it's unfortunate that they have I wish I could tell my story for all of them to hear

#personal #medical #tw medical #vtforpedro personal #long #long post #LOOOOOOOONG post #tw mental health #tw bad thoughts #this is all bad pls don't read if you're not in a place to read All Bad #anyway I'm sorry for this post #sorry for all these kinds of posts #i love you all #please be safe and take care