#I want to be able to just blip out of existence for a bit like I'm taking a trip to the grocery store

[incompleteninny]

The forty-sixth free, unedited chapter of my upcoming book, “The Heist at Cordia Aquarium” is now available on its website (or click here to read from the beginning).

I’m plain exhausted. It’d be nice to spend all day writing and editing and drafting, but The Energy. It eludes me. Or work steals it all.

Avery's consciousness zips back to the world through a dizzying swamp. A journey of swirling thoughts, fluttering eyelids, and an inexplicably dry mouth. It's gross. Like she's got a shriveled up sponge for a tongue. In a few moments, most of the discomfort passes and the world materializes around her: the subtle scent of lavender and lemongrass; rays of early sunset that tint the world red; a steady, eerie creak.

Comfortable, warm, and haunting. Waking up around this time has always felt like that. Felt weird. The creaking doesn't help.

What happened? Where am I?

Her fluttering eyes shoot open and she props herself up. A plush, violet couch supports her now-awake self, herbs creep up from multicolored pots, and Valerie swivels in an office chair behind a mahogany desk. Avery goes to speak, but the words catch in her throat at a rush of memories. The school trip, the girl who lost control, overexerting herself.

Did I pass out?

[...]

#capitalism continues to be a mistake #how am I suppose to work and clean and write and fight that algae bloom in my tiny pond with this many spoons? #I want to be able to just blip out of existence for a bit like I'm taking a trip to the grocery store #but would I even feel rested after I blipped back into existence? probably not #I guess I'll keep destressing by listening to Dear McCracken and Mrs. Potter's Lullaby in the shower #book tags for the road #queer novel #queer protagonists #very good eldritch kitty with teleport powers #probably also gay

[trans-eddie]

Steve’s favorite color is yellow.

He’s given a lot of thought to his favorite color. It’s one of those things people always ask, from your very first interactions on the playground. When he was a child, it was easy; blue, because that was the normal color for boys.

When he got a little older, “normal” was no longer good enough. Tommy H told him that “normal” was boring, and didn’t stand out. If he wanted to become a Popular kid, he needed to stand out as much as he could.

Steve wanted to stand out. He wanted people to look at him, so that his parents might see how popular he was, and realize he was someone worth paying attention to.

“You need a strong favorite color.” Tommy had told him.

In middle school, Steve decided his favorite color was red. Red caught people’s eyes, red felt powerful, red got Tommy’s approval.

But his favorite color being red did not make his parents look at him, even as he graduated and moved on to high school with a buzzing reputation and all the popularity he could have dreamed of.

In high school, Steve’s parents stopped coming around. Their vacations and business trips took longer and longer, and eventually, they stopped coming home altogether. 

And the thing was, he didn’t really care all that much about the color red. When he lost the title of King, when he stopped caring about being popular, when he hated who he had been and couldn’t figure out who he wanted to be, and gave up any hope of his parents ever giving him any kind of positive attention, Steve‘s favorite color stopped being red.

He never did learn how to stop masking, though. Favorite colors, favorite movies, music preferences, they all tie into those masks, into the person you present to the world. A little adrift, Steve lost sight of any person he wanted to be, and all those things he maintained for the sake of a mask started to slip away.

“I’m worried I might not be a real person in here underneath it all,” He had told Robin once in the middle of a drive, spiraling about the void he encountered when he tried to dredge up any of his own opinions. “I feel like if no one is telling me what to do or like, or I’m not trying to meet their expectations, then I don’t know anything about myself.”

And she had calmed him down in her own awkward way, patting his shoulder like she was afraid the touch would tip him over the edge, smile a bit manic because she had no idea what to do when the driver of the car was currently bawling like a baby (her words, and a little exaggerated at that, he was tearing up at best.)

He had eventually pulled over, and she had stared him down, and rattled off a bunch of personal questions. He could find answers for none of them.

“So find them.” She’d said. “Find the things you like, what makes you happy. Don’t listen to anyone else about it, don’t think about what they want. Maybe start simple? Like your favorite color.”

So he’d tried. He’d thought, maybe it was red after all? The color of Max’s hair. Or maybe blue, because it made him think of Dustin’s ridiculous hat. Maybe green, because it was the color of spring and new things, or maybe pink, because it was pretty.

He felt lost in a sea of choices, all surrounding the one, simple, basic, childhood question most children have an answer to by the time they go to school.

Then in walked Eddie Munson.

Eddie changed a lot about his life. He hadn’t expected him to, had sort of expected him to be a blip in his radar; but Eddie is incapable of existing in the peripherals. He sauntered in with the electrifying energy of a leading man on stage, even as he cowered in a boat shed scared out of his mind, and Steve had been unable to look away.

If Robin had asked him about things he liked in the months that followed, he would have been able to confidently say Eddie Munson was among them, and wasn't that a kicker?

It was just that, Eddie was capable of walking into a room and immediately projecting every single thing about himself and what he liked into the space. You couldn’t get away from the impression of exactly who Eddie was just by the very nature of his existence.

Steve wished he were like that.

Wished he could be so self confident that he could decide what he liked without a care for what others think or how they judge him, wished he could wear it as proudly as Eddie did the patches on his vest.

(The same vest Steve still hadn’t returned.)

But he hadn’t just stolen the vest; it had been somewhat of a trade off. He had thrown his sweater at Eddie’s head shortly before diving to the depths of Lover’s Lake, only for it to never be seen again. Part of him had assumed it had just gotten swallowed up when the gate had ruptured through Hawkins.

Then Eddie had walked through the doors of the Family Video, big, dark eyes all wide and his hair piled up on his head, wearing the bright yellow of Steve’s sweater.

Steve had short circuited. Upon reboot, his first thought was, for some reason, It’s yellow. My favorite color is yellow. Yellow yellow yeLLOW YELLOW!

The second was, I like him wearing my things.

The third was, Oh. I like Eddie.

So at age twenty, Steve Harrington knows two whole things about himself: he likes Eddie Munson, and his favorite color is yellow.

#stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #long post #fic

[godsfavoritescientist]

Drabble request: post-canon "happy" ending for Bill & Ford, but find some way to imply that something super fucked up is going on just beneath the surface. Mind control, dream bubble fantasy, idk, dealer's choice, just something messed up.

Fragments of what was once Earth drift through the empty vacuum of space. They sit together on a summoned-up couch, watching it all float by. Ford fidgets with his brand new eye-shaped gold cufflinks. His ornately-embroidered sleeves are drenched in blood.

The henchmaniacs are busy elsewhere, expanding their reign of benevolent terror to the outer reaches of the galaxy. This mostly entails eating space rocks and crashing planets into eachother. For the first time since Ford accepted Bill’s offer, they’ve had time to really sit down and chat.

Bill throws an arm over Ford’s shoulder. “Lemme tell you something, Sixer. It doesn’t really matter how necessary it was–and believe me, it was necessary! What matters more is that it was the most fun you’ll ever have! Now that you’re immortal, I won’t sugarcoat it: Earth’s entire existence is a blip in the grand scheme of things. It was like a really dry log: destined to be burned!” He pats Ford on the back. “So don’t let me catch you moping about it.”

“I’m not moping,” Ford bristles, leaning away from Bill’s touch. “I’m contemplating.”

“Hah! Contemplating! You hear this guy?” Bill asks an imaginary audience, gesturing at Ford with his thumb. “Well contemplate this: we’ve got ultimate power over the entire multiverse. You might as well be a god. You can spend an eternity studying everything that ever was and ever will be. This is a sweet deal no matter how you spin it!”

Ford makes a noncommital sound. “That very well may be true, and I am grateful to you, but… human emotion is not so easy to logic away, I’m afraid. I want to move on as easily as you did, but…” he shrugs helplessly. “It’s just hard to believe it’s gone.”

Bill pats him on the back. “A little bit of shock is normal! Took me a few weeks to work through. Of course, I was brand new to the third dimension too, so it shouldn’t take quite that long for you. But humans are more emotional than shapes, so I’ll be patient! Don’t say I never did anything for ‘ya.”

Ford doesn’t meet his eyes. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Now! You know what helps me when I’m like this? A good distraction! There’s bound to be dozens of my enemies tracking us down right now–it’s not exactly hard to miss a whole planet blowing up. So we’d better get a head start on things, attack first before any of them can put us on the defensiv-” Bill squints at something approaching from the distance. “Hey, what’s that?”

Ford looks up sharply. It takes a few seconds to spot it, but as it gets closer, it’s unmistakable: a steely-gray entirely flat object, no more than two feet wide and long, flying towards them.

Once it’s right between them, it slows to a stop. From above, it’s clearly shaped like a 2D spacecraft, except that all four walls are enclosed, not just the perimeter.

A stick-thin door opens up, and out floats a dozen multicolored geometric shapes, all with skin covering their bodies from above and below, not just around their perimeter.

For the first time in eons, Bill is too stunned to speak a single word.

The leader of the group, a irregularly-shaped silver isoceles triangle, speaks first. “It’s you! It’s really you! We were starting to think you died in the aftermath of our dimension’s death. But the energy signals we’ve been following over the past week… we knew it couldn’t be anyone else.”

Bill’s voice is very quiet, and much less echoey than usual, as he says, “I thought you all died. I made sure you all died.”

The little silver triangle laughs. “Nope! The cleverest of us were able to escape. Your destruction only took the lives of those unwilling to change, unwilling to adapt to the higher dimensions. And the lives we’ve led since then have been so much better than anything our homeworld could have ever offered to us. We owe you a great deal.”

As he listens to this, Bill glows brighter and brighter and brighter, until he’s glowing the brightest that he’s ever been. “I knew it! I knew the worthy ones would live, I knew there was a way out for ones like you!”

He turns to Ford with a brilliant gleam in his eye. “Ford, these are survivors from my home dimension! Do you know how long it’s been? At least a trillion years! These guys are persistent. More than worthy of joining the gang, right Ford?”

Ford looks just as overjoyed as Bill. “Absolutely—but this is incredible! Liberating my dimension didn’t just give me an eternity at your side, but it’s also allowed these shapes to finally find you!” He shakes his head in wonder. “This whole time, you were right, Bill. You were right about everything. If our first act as joint-rulers of the multiverse can accomplish something of this scope, then there’s nothing we can’t accomplish together.”

Bill embraces Ford in a hug that sends them both twirling through outerspace. “Isn’t it exhilirating? Being free from all those stupid little ties to a planet that’ll be dead and gone in the blink of an eye?”

Ford nods wholeheartedly. “There’s a whole multiverse out there for the taking. You’ve finally made me see that.”

He lets go of Bill, and looks back at the handful of shapes floating nearby. “You must have so many questions. I know I do. But I’ll let you catch up with Bill, first.”

Bill zooms back to face the shapes. “Boy do I ever!!! How long do you guys live now that you’ve adapted yourselves to a three-dimensional world, because we’re gonna be here for a while.”

The group settles in for a very long chat, exchanging stories and ideas and many cups of tea. And way off in the distance, far out of Bill’s line of sight, his little world’s edge glimmers with the iridescence of a soap bubble.

#gods drabbles #100 word requests #<-which are still open #just ignore the fact that this is 1000 words long lmao #i hope the implications are clear as far as what the concept is #the axolotl thinks this is a mercy :) #first thing i had to decide was 'is this a happy ending in bill or fords eyes' bc postcanon those are very different #and then i repurposed a scrapped idea for the beginning of my unwritten bill-brought-back-to-life fic #bill cipher

[irelandking]

avenger bucky x regular reader fic recs

bucky barnes x reader

❤️ = fluff 😔 = angst 🔥 = smut

one shots:

hold my girl - @pellucid-constellations

Bucky comes home from a mission and needs time to hold his girl. ❤️

test drive - @cherrypickertheory

Bucky has a breeding kink. 🔥

disney princesses and dog tags - @buckyalpine

single reader mom reader starts dating Bucky doesn't tell him off the bat about kid and he starts getting a little antsy ❤️🔥

princess cut - @viollettes

Bucky sustains an injury because of a punk-ass kid, and you swoop in to do something about it. ❤️

every night - @ijustreallylovezebras

Bucky sneaks out of the compound every night, the team want to know why ❤️

counting - @pellucid-constellations

Time heals all wounds. Bucky’d been holding onto that proverb ever since blip. But time had never been particularly kind to him, so he opted to keep track of the sweet girl’s in his apartment building instead, the one that made him banana bread and took him to diners at two in the morning. Sometimes, you didn’t keep the same schedule. That made Bucky panic. ❤️😔

flowers in the compound - @pellucid-constellations

That girl from the flower shop seems to be taking up a lot of Bucky’s time. ❤️

name - @ijustreallylovezebras

The reader works in the local Starbucks and Bucky comes in almost every day but always orders with a different name ❤️

the safest place in new york - @wkemeup

A stranger comes to your rescue when you find yourself held at knifepoint, alone in an alleyway, by a man demanding your money ❤️

the sound of music - @delicatelyherdreams

Bucky never heard music the way everyone said he should. He never got a song stuck in his head. He never had a soulmate. Until he did. (Soulmate AU) ❤️

perfect for me - @prettyyoungtragedy

When your friends set you up on a blind date, you have no idea what you’re walking into. Is it a total fail or true love? ❤️

story time - @delicatelyherdreams

Bucky is coerced into joining a local library’s story time for veterans. He’s not sure what to expect. ❤️

something tells me - @ugh-supersoldiers

Soulmates are supposed to be a beautiful gift, created so that no one every goes through life without love. Born with an invisible matching marking, a tattoo to signify their bond, that only reveals itself after the two souls touch for the first time. After escaping Hydra, Bucky hopes more than anything that his soulmate died a long time ago, but little does he know you’re right around the corner. ❤️😔

in the name of love - @moonbeambucky

Bucky meets a nurse he thinks is playing hard to get and he’s more than willing to throw himself in the game.❤️😔

sing me to sleep - @invisibleanonymousmonsters

Bucky meets a lovely stranger on a commercial flight.❤️

rose - @softlyspector

In a world where soulmates share each other’s scars, oddly enough it’s a tattoo that brings Bucky and the reader together. Soulmate AU ❤️

love in four acts - @buckybarnesowl

You’re a nurse living in Brooklyn. You’ve got a crush on your next door neighbour who doesn’t seem to know you exist. One day his cat finds its way into your apartment, forcing you both to finally meet. That’s when you learn that he’s James Buchanan Barnes, ex-Winter Soldier. Well, there goes your chances. Or maybe getting close to a superhero isn’t as far-fetched as it sounds ❤️😔

three times - @softlyspector

Some people say things differently. Bucky learns how to say I love you. Y/N learns how to hear him say it ❤️

who's she? - @itsapeterthing

 when sam gets injured during a mission and isn’t able to go to a hospital, bucky brings him and natasha to his own home to get cared for by his girlfriend, y/n, who he’s been keeping a secret. ❤️

a little old fashioned - @gogolucky13

 Bucky is a bit subtle in telling you he likes you ❤️

serious questions - @espinosaurusrexex

Bucky agrees to go on a date to make his colleagues shut up. Now, he just feels sorry for the poor woman that has to spend an entire evening with him. He really tries to make it work, though, because he actually enjoys her company. ❤️

a little longer - @buckyalpine

you're bucky's neighbor and he brings you to a cookout with sam as his fake girlfriend ❤️

search history - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

you look at each other's search histories ❤️

new year's day - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

you and bucky kiss at midnight on new years eve ❤️

history's mysteries - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

you listen to a podcast that covers the winter soldier and ask bucky about his past ❤️

good old fashioned lover boy - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

you introduce bucky to things he's missed ❤️

earthly possessions - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

bucky moves into readers place and has very few possessions ❤️

dress code - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

you have an ex that used to slut shame you for your outfits, but bucky loves them ❤️

chain round my neck - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

bucky gives you a special necklace ❤️

life before you - @world-of-aus

The reader has some form of abandonment issues (she doesn't want to be clingy) and thinks Bucky will leave her or something and he comforts her and there is a kinda fluffy-ness.   Or the reader always says thank you and sorry for everything even things that aren’t her fault and it’s because she had a rough past or dodgy ex or cause she thinks she’s a burden X   Basically I crave fluff X  Thanks in advance x  Lots of love  Xxxxx XXX X  ❤️

gentle - @softlyspector

Bucky and the reader are sharing an intimate moment when he accidentally reveals something to her. Or, Bucky Barnes wants a normal life. ❤️🔥

two pages - @softlyspector

Bucky laughs and curls a finger under her chin, tilting her head up and back. “Lemme take care of you,” he says, blue eyes clear and sparkling, like salt on the sea. 🔥

hint dropped - @rocketrhap3000

while looking at rings online, you accidentally click a “send a hint” feature addressed to Bucky’s email, despite never having that conversation with him and not even knowing whether or not that’s something he wants, but his reaction surprises you :) ❤️

valentine - @softlyspector

You’re Bucky’s neighbor, Bucky is your secret admirer. Valentine’s day and a potential date forces him to act ❤️

teddy bear - @softlyspector

soulmate!au in which when one soulmate loses something, their other half finds it. When Bucky begins finding things that don’t belong to him, he realizes he has a soulmate in the modern world after all. Even though they should be perfectly matched, he struggles to find a reason why he should meet her, and be a part of her life, convincing himself she’s better off without him. ❤️😔

secret relationship and bucky - @invisibleanonymousmonsters

bucky is always disappearing from the compound and everyone figures that it’s bucky being bucky.. but he’s visiting his civilian girlfriend and knows that she’ll be in danger the moment they go public so he doesn’t even tell the team about her.. and their circumstances of meeting could be in the aftermath of some Avengers thing? ❤️😔

nutella - @teamatsumu

Late at night, you turn on the kitchen light to find a stranger bleeding on your floor and eating your Nutella. ❤️

possession - @teamatsumu

On your 25th birthday, for twenty four hours, you are allowed to possess your soulmate; a process called The Possession. As you look at the world from their eyes, you find out everything you can about your soulmate so you can locate them when The Possession is over. But you have a slight problem: you wake up in a cryo freezer. ❤️😔

sounds of heaven - @moonbeambucky

Tired of another night without sleep, Bucky finds an unlikely source for help ❤️

baby - @ugh-supersoldiers

After you spend the night at Bucky’s for the first time, you drop a nickname that turns the ex Winter Soldier into a blushing and stuttering mess. ❤️

saturdays - @sunmoonandeddie

bucky barnes has a new routine ❤️😔

bookmark - @buckyalpine

reader is a romance writer and the other avengers discover her books ❤️🔥

pucker up, buttercup - @witchywithwhiskey

it's been a long day of working at your lemonade stall during the town's busy summer festival and making the day worse is all the unwanted attention and come-ons you've gotten from customers. by the time bucky barnes tries his own tired pickup line, you've had enough—but then he goes and spills a fresh pitcher of lemonade and offers to make a new one. you're reluctant to admit bucky might not be like all those other guys. in fact, he might be someone you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with. sunshine!bucky barnes x grumpy!fem!reader ❤️

gentle - @invisibleanonymousmonsters

Y/N has never seen Bucky be anything but gentle and loving. It’s hard for her to believe her boyfriend was ever the world’s deadliest and most lethal assassin. ❤️😔

bad day - @invisibleanonymousmonsters

Y/N has an absolute shit day at work and Bucky tries to make his girl feel better. ❤️

#bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fluff

[nyxvamps]

Child of Chaos - Xand Donovan:

Chaos Itself was curious. All of these primordials and titans and gods and other deities are making offspring, so It decided to do so as well. It had created many things, but had never 'raised' a child the way parents do.

It created Itself a human form. They did so easily. All They had to do was observe some humans for a few minutes and create a body that would pass as attractive and that could hold a child. They’re very androgynous and it seems as though no matter who looks at Them, they see something they like.

The whole process of creating a child in 9 months wasn’t something They were interested in, so They sped up the process to a day.

The child was born and They realized They would need to learn how to raise a demigod (demiprimordial? demientity?). So They observed. They picked and chose from the minds of the humans around Them what seemed to be the best ways to raise a child and did what They could to raise this child into a well rounded human. It worked, to an extent. When you are the literal beginning of existence you tend to have some quirks that can pass down to your offspring.

Overall, The child, that was named Xand Donovan (names that many people seem to think are "cool" and "edgy" which is apparently a good thing among human youth.) was a typical yet very weird ass kid.

Xand looks normal, until you see them from the corner of your eye, then it's like their eye's flashed like a cat's or their outline blurs slightly. It always feels like it's about to storm when you're near them. That feeling of static gathering like lighting is about to strike.

Xand kind of has, maybe, a little bit of a god complex, but not in a "im better than everyone no one can best me" kind of way, but in a "I'm going to live forever so why should I waste my infinite time with being insecure and caring about how others view me. They will die soon and will become a blip in my time in existence" kind of way. If that makes sense.

Xand loves humans. They have genuine relationships with them and they creates friendships and longs for people in their personal life and feels and wants and needs just like humans do. But Xand also knows that they are different and that they are an infinitely powerful being that is only nerfed by the fact that their parent is stopping them from ascending into primordial...hood? Why, because they are too young.

"Parent? I am 247 years old. That is like, 23 in human years. When will you let me join you as a diety?"

"Like I have said before my child, when you are older and have matured. Now. Explain again what these two women are trying to portray by running over and over again to their original song. It's very catchy."

The two of them, though they look human enough, feel very not of this world. If you were to meet one of the olympians, you feel that as well, but with Chanon and Xand Donovan, it's like being in a room with an eldritch horror, but not realizing how horrificly in danger you actually are.

They are uncanny valley without being uncanny. Something sets you off but you convince yourself that you're imagining it while your hair stands on end and you start to sweat.

Now: Power time.

We know that Chaos is literally the beginning of everything, therefore, can potentially have whatever power it wanted. It's child is not that powerful but is very much op. Of course.

While Xand is not able to ascend yet, their powers are more imaginable. Powers that make sense and you are able to wrap your brain around unlike being the beginning of all existance.

Xand is able to change their appearnce in anyway possible. Think, Nimona. Nimona can change into a shark, an exact replica of Bal with his voice too, a bird, a random little boy, (cough *ashes* cough).

They are able to create anything out of practically nothing. If they have a handful of dirt, they can make a new phone. A pile of trash? A beautiful house. Water partials in the air? A nice glass of juice. If there is matter, it can be manipulated. If Chaos let Xand ascend, they would be able to make anything out of nothing, just like their parent.

Xand can also "be" multiple places at once. Now, right now they only have one physical body, but they are able to split their consciousness up into multiple pieces that can functionally be in different places at the same time. Kinda like multiple ghost versions of them that are all their own sentient beings while separate.

We're gonna go a little cliché here and bring in telekinesis. When your parent in the beginning of creation, you're gonna be able to manipulate matter. and that means being able to throw it around and move it at will.

im gonna have so much fun with this character.

#pjo #pjo headcanons #pjo headcanon #godly parents #pjo au #child of chaos #chaos cabin #pjo oc #pjo chaos

[davidmariottecomics]

Keep it Forever? Me and Physical Media

Hello friends! 

I swear that this blog isn't just me advertising that I've got some stuff up for sale on ebay (but also, I totally do). 

As I think I've made pretty abundantly clear, I'm a big proponent of physical media. At a guesstimate, I probably own something around 2-3 dozen VHS tapes, 50-ish records, 100+ video games, 100-150 CDs, probably 200-300 DVDs & Blu-Rays, and more books and comics than I could reasonably count. And that's not even getting into toys and plushies and other physical collectables that Becca and I have strewn across the house or in storage. I am a person who likes to own things. And I'm starting to hit the point where I also need to be a person who doesn't own all things I have. 

Why Physical Media Matters

While I'm pretty sure I've written about this before, doesn't hurt to reiterate why I am such a big proponent of physical media and owning the things you like. 

1. You own the thing. This is probably the single biggest point of physical media to me. You own it. Definitively. You can go and pick up this object that you have and use it. You aren't subject to the terms, conditions, and service changes of companies. If I want to watch Bratz: The Movie or play Super Smash Bros Melee or read The Lady from the Black Lagoon, I can. I don't have to see if it's currently on a service that I'm paying for or even available digitally. I don't have to worry about limited time availability. I don't have to worry about increasingly clueless executives who in trying to maintain the wealth of stockholders basically erase projects from existence, nor do I have to worry about changes of ownership or site design or functionality or licensing agreements that can take your purchases and just blip them away. 

2. Preservation. Piggybacking right off of that, some things *only* exist as physical media. Or, at least, only officially do. I mentioned Smash Bros Melee because it's a Gamecube era game that only exists on/was released for Gamecube. The game only exists as long as there are people who have working copies. There are books that I own, that, similarly, are no longer in print and have never been made available digitally. While most physical media can eventually deteriorate, there are things I have had for the majority of my life (and some things that pre-date me, honestly) that're still in really good shape because they've been cared for and it's important to me that these things exist and it's cool that I can do a little bit to help that. 

2.5 - As an aside, I do just want to say that I am in favor of digital archiving as a tool of preservation. Between the things that only exist digitally and the things that can have a longer preserved life by being converted to digital, I do think it's an important part of the preservation conversation too. With sort of an asterisk of just because I think most works shouldn't be lost, I don't know that it means they should be digitally accessible if it comes at the expense of the creator(s). Preservation = good. Piracy = still bad. 

3. Tactility and greater use. This one goes especially for books and comics, but I like being able to hold things. I like having my reading material in print so that I can, y'know, consume it on the beach without wifi or power or whatever. While a lot of my physical media is dependent on technology still, there are certain things that are more usable in more ways/places because they're physical. 

Why I'm Clearing Some Out Tho

On the other side of all of this, there are some very compelling reasons not to keep all my physical media. And these are some reflective conversations I'm having with myself. Some stuff's easy, right? Things that are redundant--whether they're exact duplicates of something I already own and somehow acquired twice or, like with some of my Transformers, I don't actually need 6 mildly different variations of Bumblebee--are easily put as something that can go. But once you get past that, for me at least, a lot of it comes down kinda to the Marie Kondo "does it spark joy" method. 

Potentially unfortunately for me, a lot of stuff either does spark joy, or sparks almost a sort of FOMO. Tied to preservation, there are some things that while I haven't really engaged with them in heck, maybe a decade of owning it, I worry that if I got rid of it, I wouldn't have it when I *do* want it. But there are also some things where I know it is no longer meaningful to me to own this thing, but I think it might be meaningful to someone else. 

I know I've written about this before, but I'm not really a Funko Pop guy. I have owned a few that I've thought were neat. But even the one I'd say was my favorite, I found tucked away because it had been on a low bookshelf behind our living room furniture before our last big cleaning/reorganizing session for that room, and I don't think I had realized that I hadn't seen it in such a long time. It wasn't just that it had been tucked away, it was that I hadn't thought to see if I knew where it was in months and months. And so, we're parting ways. 

It is tough--at least for me--to be at the intersection of genuinely believing in the good of physical possessions (and, yes, I recognize the faults in them too), wanting to be a person who does preserve things, and honestly, believing in some part of me that the reason I have all this stuff is I might want or need it in the future. That there could be a reason I held on to the Steve Oedekirk Thumb movie collection that'll somehow be relevant to my job or to finding a treasure chest or something. But also knowing that I need to make some space. And that I could use some extra scratch. And that there are things that I bought with enjoying them in the future in mind, but that I now don't think I'll ever return to. 

Loss and Regret

Nothing that I'm trying to get rid of do I feel like I'm going to regret parting ways with. But I've heard and--to some extent--have experienced that feeling of great loss in the past. I think all of us have had or know someone in our lives who has had some variation on the experience of "my [parent] threw my [toys/comics/books/important childhood memories] away and I used my adult money to try to get them back." Or, closely related the "I [lent out/went on vacation with/otherwise left the house with] my [toys/comics/books/important childhood memories] and they're now lost forever." 

I've had a couple of those experiences. The summer between my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college, I lent a friendly acquaintance who was going to the same college as me a bunch of my Gameboy games because they had just found their Gameboy and wanted to get back into it, and I was mostly playing my DS and only my Pokemon Gameboy games at that time. I'm fuzzy on the details, because it has been a decade now (whoof), but as I recall, said acquaintance didn't remember to bring my games when they came to college and somewhere between when they moved into the dorms and their first extended trip home, their family moved and the games were "lost in the move" and if they were ever found, I was never told. And there were some really good games that I miss even today. 

Another time, we were living out at the ranch and a lot of our stuff was in storage in the barn (yes, I lived on a non-working ranch and, yes, we had a barn). Now, sometimes that meant things got a little gross. There was dust and the occasional bugs or mice that found their way into things. But overall, it was actually pretty secure. That is, until the barn flooded once. And I lost a ton of meaningful stuff: books and comics and toys. In particular, I remember that the flood lead to the death of my Marvel Legends build-a-figure Galactus, which was quite the loss. 

And my third big loss/purge is when the ranch was being sold, I had to go back to the ranch, and to the barn, and go through and try to parse at least some of my stuff down. At that point, I was in college and knew I only had a storage unit to work with to hold this stuff, and I was distraught with changes to my life around the ranch being sold, so I know there are things that basically got thrown away that I probably could've kept or saved or gotten to someone who would appreciate them, but in a wave of angst and just deep tiredness, some stuff just got tossed and because it's been a while and I was a little hazy at the time, I still don't entirely know what all was lost in that either. 

I bring all of this up because, like I said earlier, I know that I and many of us have that experience of losing the things that mattered. And I know when I posted about selling some Transformers not too long ago, I had a couple people reach out to say "hey, I don't want to see you lose something that matters to you if you just need money." I wanna reassure folks that, no, it isn't just that influencing my decisions here. I'm really trying to be thoughtful in my decisions. So, don't worry. ;D

Next week: Inspired by a conversation on Becca's Twitch stream yesterday (viewer discretion advised on this last stream: there's some language and a spooky drawing and a slip of some NSFW art for a sec), I'm going to talk about manuscript wishlists and like ways to maybe find agents and editors that'd be a good match for you! 

What I enjoyed this week: Blank Check (Podcast), Craig of the Creek (Cartoon), Honkai Star Rail (Video game), My Adventures with Superman (Cartoon), Barbie Dreamhouse Challenge (TV show, my friend Sina's in the finale!!!!), The Broken Room by Peter Clines (Book), Crime Scene Kitchen (TV show), Dumbing of Age (Webcomic), It's Walky/Joyce & Walky/Shortpacked (Webcomics), Solve This Murder (Podcast), Batman: Wayne Family Adventures (Webcomic), Praise Petey (Cartoon), Queen of the Damned (Movie), this very cute Superman drawn by Fernando Luis Cruz during a Superman conversation on Becca's last Twitch stream, this hunky boy Superman drawn by Gigi Dutreix on said stream (and the hunky lady She-Hulk too), The Prank Panel (TV show), Chainsaw Man (Manga) 

New Releases this week (8/9/2023): Nothing from me! Sorry! But...

New Releases next week (8/14/2023): Brynmore #2 (Editor) Godzilla: The War for Humanity #1 (Editor) Sonic the Hedgehog #63 (Editor) Toldja I had a bunch in the pipeline! 

Announcements: Becca will be tabling at Cartoon-a Palooza in Temecula on 9/15 & 9/16. It's a cool free all-ages little con, so come on out and see them! I'll be around too, I'm sure! 

Wanna support me? Consider joining my Patreon! Not only do you get the blog, but you get neat extra stuff like Patreon exclusive blogs, sneak peeks on other stuff I'm working on (and sometimes full original comics posted there), and coming up this week, the first of my sharable scripts and pitches! And even more at higher levels! Or, you can buy something from my webstore! Some of the stock on that stuff is running low and not going to be reprinted anytime soon, so prolly a good time to check it out! 

Also, at time of posting, I still have not pulled Kafka in Honkai Star Rail, but when I do (boy I hope I do), I'll let you know.  Pic of the Week: This is just a very nice picture of Nadja. But those Supermans are also kinda the pic of the week!  

#comics #collectibles #physical media #dvds #cat pictures

[blueiight]

I kinda thought if Paul had lived a few more years Louis prob woulda just repressed and got himself a wife/beard. Paul wanted him to get married, he mentions some girl Louis danced with at the wedding and is like hint hint so I think Louis would've done whatever made his family happy.

We gotta remember he had sex with Lestat after quite a bit of heavy drinking, he's kinda staggering on the walk to the townhouse.. and then he's served even more alcohol inside!! on a clear sober day, he's going nowhere near that.

Im not sure how to respond to this.. cuz on one hand i dont think louis would have ‘repressed’ that long [is this a case of ppl overestimating louis’s repression of his sexuality.. cuz he says he was ‘seeking ass b4 absolution’ in ep1. i think louis’s orientation was a dubiously hid rumor in town even moreso when he got w/ lestat but extant beforehand?] i think paul remarking on the lady louis danced with at the wedding was a tongue in cheek wink wink moment but whether louis wouldve actually took heed paul’s words is another thing. louis also was an alcoholic idk if its to the same effect as his white cousin in the books but its implied that he has that same ‘vice’… not to say it was ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but overall i feel like louis seeking out, being sought out by lestat, and being transformed by him was somewhat of an inevitable thing not just cuz duhh its the immortal universe but i find this urge to die & be reborn anew by someone else’s hands emphasized even more by the conditional ‘blip’ in history amc louis exists in. he would not have been able to been tolerated or live out the life he wanted being a mortal black man much longer if that makes sense. paul’s death was just adding on fuel to an already burning flame, and honestly like i said b4 paul wouldve had an even worse lot in life if he lived a few years longer anyways

#yn. #yn answers #iwtv #louis de pointe du lac #paul de pointe du lac #not to mention louis thought lestat was implicated in paul’s death for years but honeymooned w him… likee

[cheryyori]

moon knight fic idea that I had brewing in my head for 2 months but I can't push myself to write right now bc I'm having writer's block ofc

Might write them down as headcanons/bullet points to have them down before making this idea more concrete

fem!oc used for this fic idea btw! (can be read as a reader insert as well if you so choose as, but written this idea with an oc in mind), also lots of Japanese and other Asian mythology that I find would fit the story in mind, also I'm Asian so why tf not let me project a bit ok???

fic idea:

Imagine oc being able to see ghost and spirits (more specifically yokai and anything close to the sort) since childhood. Terrifying really.

Demon paralysis be damned when you open your eyes to see a literal shadow figure staring down at you. Panic attack ensue.

Oh yeah, did she mention the voice in her head guiding her on what to do with these spirits and how to handle them, yeah that's a thing too...

Apparently they're the goddess Izanami, overseer of the underworld Yomi. Fantastic.

She also mentions how more spirits are running amok and unchecked bc APPARENTLY THANOS' SNAP HAD FUCKED THE BALANCE OF LIFE AND DEATH. So I guess those that disappeared weren't actually dead but literally just ceased to exist and it threw Yomi is a disarray of chaos.

Basically the goddess was pissed. So now oc is their unwilling paranormal detective, being forced to faces these horrendous spirits so they can pass on. Fucking fantastic.

Also the Blip actually made it worse too. Great.

Apparently there's some consequences of being forced to help these spirits

They're not limited to out of body experience while taking the train home, usually with oc being in the place of the memory of the spirits that were either before or lead to their deaths. Awesome. More nightmare fuel for her ig.

While this happens to her mentally, physically her body will either be unconscious, spaced out, or even moving on its own unconsciously.

When she sleeps they become vivid nightmares she can't remember usually, only the terror she felt. Sometimes she'll find bruises and scratches on her and remember only bits of what happened. Night terrors. Check. Bodily harm. Check.

Works in the museum both Dane and Sersi works at too bc I can and pls Jeremy add some Dane/Steven/Marc interactions for season 2 pls I'm on my knees

Dane was said to make an appearance in Moon Knight originally but they didnt know how to add him so Dane is now in this fic bc idk what to do with this info now.

Dane and her are friends and friends only. He helped her get a job bc she's out of one bc she was Snapped.

Oh right she was snapped, forgot to mention that lol.

Yes she knows Sersi is an alien wizard. No she doesn't want to turn into a giraffe Dane.

If Dane is doing his Black Knight activities, 9 times out of 10 she doesn't know. She thinks he's distance himself bc of what happened to Sersi, and decided not to push.

Takes place a bit before the start of the series. She's Steven's neighbor but they dont talk much, only wave and greet each other on the lift and when they head to the same bus stop before she left to step onto the subway.

Goodness does Steven thinks she's adorable. A little better at social cues than he is but still as awkward. She a goober really.

She thinks he's cute too. Like a puppy.

Somehow they go on a date (personal headcanon that it was Jake that set Steven with a date bc he has the most social out all of them, which will make things real awkward for them when everyone finds out yikes). Well they try too. You know what happens on Steven's end but surpise suprise. She actually arrived late to the restaurant bc she had another out of body experience bc of some spirits she had encountered (thankfully it was in her home) by the time she arrived Steven wasn't there. It was hours later, she assumed that he thought she stood him up and left.

She ate the steak anyways. She was hungry.

She didn't dare to call or text him, afraid of what he'll say, so color her surprise when he called her instead.

What??? They have a date??? But it's Sunday. Confused, she decide to tell him that she thought he thought she stood him up. Both are confused. They decided to reschedule the date then, both hoping that this one goes well (tbh both were ecstatic that the other was giving them another chance).

Ofc that doesn't happen bc Harrow and his cult with Ammit ensue hijinks.

So Marc and her are complicated bc they used to be friends as kids but then her family moved to NY. They kept contract and talk but it became very minimal. Like simple how are you type shit. So they have no idea what the other looks like over the years.

So Marc is in for a big twist when he finds out Steven's date is her. It doesn't help he had a tiny itsy bit of a crush on her as kids.

But he doesn't have feelings for her he loves Layla still, right? It's probs bc of the fond memories he held of her as a child that makes him soft for her. No not bc she's kinda of a cute goof.

They're grump and sunshine embodied really.

Also embodies slow burn and friends to lovers trope real hard. Marc's gotta to learn to move on and live a happy life. It's hard but he'll get there.

He is emotionally constipated and will deny any possible thought of him having feelings for oc or any form of happiness.

Oc does not approve and annoys him with affection.

What the fuck was that????

A hug.

Disgusting. Do it again....

Nicknames. Nicknames! NICKNAMES!

Sunshine - Marc, Twinkle Toes - oc

Hc that Marc was kinda clumsy as a child and oc called him that to tease him (was more reinforced after they watched atla).

Steven call her his little sunflower.

Jake calls her his bébé usually.

And Layla.

They're divorced. They'll try to work it out but really Layla realizes that she fell out of love for a while now. The lies and guilt put a strain on their marriage.

That doesn't mean she doesn't care for Marc. She does. As friends.

She won't admit it but deep down, she thinks Marc was conflicted about his feelings whether he knew it or not (whether it was his guilt about her father or not, no one truly knowz). So seeing how he gets along with oc is good for him.

Layla slowly pushed him towards her bc she wants Marc to be happy as well and move on.

Layla is a good friend and wants everyone's best interests.

Now onto Jake.

Keeping in mind of the hc that it's Jake that asked oc out on a date on Steven's behalf. Well then things are gonna be messy. Bc haha they've met before. Like way before Marc met Khonshu and became his fist of vengence.

They met when she was in college and hit it off from there. I don't want to give away too much of their relationship but long story short. Jake does break contact with her.

So when everyone finds out about Jake things get awkward real fast and real bad.

Small hint of their relationship is ???? To lovers trope.

Khonshu is a manipulative bird brain and Izanami commit Khonshu hate crimes on the reg as she should.

Speaking of Izanami.

Goddess of Death and Creation. The overseer of Yomi, the underworld.

Yeah she's cool. Kinda unhinged but cool.

A bit over the top, but aren't all gods are???

Kinda gives off Scaramouche vibes from Genshin Impact but not as arrogant you know. She's not very well liked within the Japanese pantheon due to her role and also from her ex-husband's influences.

She really does care for oc. Thinks of her as her kin. She was a mother once too.

Speaking of her ex-husband, also commits hate crimes against her ex-husband Izanagi too (iykyk) and tbh go off queen.

Only oc sees her and she takes an appearance of a normal woman but dresses expensively. Thinking of Manwol from Hotel de Luna, same vibes as well tbh bc when I write Nami I think of Manwol tbh.

Oh possession is a thing too, ig

Bc with how oc acts, Izanami needs to take over when push comes to shove. Though this happens rarely.

Mostly this happens when oc is unconscious and in peril danger. Or when provoked enough to encite her fury or vise versa (usually the later is towards other gods of different pantheon, yeah she's still bitter they did nothing to restore balance in life and death). Sometimes when oc's spirit/consciousness is forcefully pushed out of their body, Izanami takes control to make sure the body is breathing.

Overall that's it for this word vomit. It's still in the process but if you want to know more lmk bc I haven't seen this idea in Moon knight fics just yet.

Fic idea inspiration taken from: Hotel de Luna (kdrama), Goblin (kdrama), Tomorrow (kdrama), The Uncanny Encounter (kdrama), Tale of the Nine Tailed (kdrama), Death Mark (game), Spirit Hunter NG (game), Mieruko-chan (manga)

#moon knight #moon knight x reader #moon knight x oc #moon knight fanfic #moon knight headcanon #steven grant x reader #steven grant x oc #marc spector x oc #marc spector x reader #jake lockely x reader #jake lockley x oc #gonna call this au/fic idea nightmare eyes bc i can #yes i know its a nitw reference but it makes sense tbh #nightmare eyes au

[between-the-pages-ofa-book]

The newest argument that I've seen lately that bothers me enough to make a post about is that the MCU is taking competent teenagers from the comics and making them incompetent so that an adult hero can take them under their wing and save the day. The first this argument was made for was Peter and then a few weeks ago, I saw that it was made about America.

I'll do America first since I have less to say about her:

America Chavez is a 15-16 year old girl who has been living on her own for approximately 8 years. She, by her own account, has travelled to 73 universes and survived them all. She may not be able to control her powers but if she was incompetent, like these arguments make her out to be, she would've have survived. In the end, she does gain control of her powers and she is the one who saves the day in the movie about Doctor Strange. Stephen even makes it a point that "this whole time, you've taken us exactly where we needed to go." Her meeting Stephen was chance and while he did protect her and make sure she lived long enough to get to that point, her saving the day was all on her. Stephen didn't tell her how to open the portal to the other world, she figured that out on her own.

Now, onto the hill I will die on: In what world is Peter Parker shown to be incompetent?

The argument is that Peter relies too much on adults--Tony then Mysterio then Strange--to save the day when that is simply not true.

Let's go back to Captain America: Civil War. Tony seeks Peter out because the spider kid is saving the day and he's impressed. Tony recruits Peter because of his abilities and his skills. Peter then goes on to hold his own against a team made up of 2 super soldiers, a trained soldier in a flying suit, the world's top marksman, a witch, and a man who can shrink or grow in size depending on what he needs at the time. Sure, our understanding is that Tony knew that Peter wouldn't have gotten hurt because none of that team would have hurt a kid but the point is that he still held his own and managed to beat 2 of this team. He even devises the plan to get Giant Man down.

Then we have Homecoming. Yes, he has the fancy suit that Tony made for him but the entire point of this movie is to show that Peter is more than the suit. Peter fights against Vulture and even has a building fall on him and has to get up. Peter did that all on his own. Peter saved the day without Tony.

Next is Avengers Infinity War and Endgame. Peter sees the action from the school bus and joins in. Peter then manages to stow away to space. Once again, we see Peter coming up with the plan to save Strange. Peter is an active part of this movie and helps to try to save the day. Yes, he has the Iron Spider suit to keep him from dying from not being able to breathe in space but once he's there, he doesn't necessarily need it. It's just an added bonus. When he comes back after the Blip, Peter is the one who keeps the gauntlet for a good bit of that fight. Yeah, he has help from Steve and the group of women along the way but Endgame was a team effort.

Next, we have Far From Home, the first movie directly dealing with the aftermath of the Blip and we see Peter grieving for Tony. All Peter wants to do is go on a field trip and ask out MJ. He doesn't want to do any superheroing because he's 16 and hasn't had a good time of it lately. Fury shows up and gives him orders, the same way he would have if that was Captain America or Black Widow or Hawkeye standing there. People argue that Peter turned to Mysterio as another sort of father figure, when in fact, it was Mysterio who sought out Peter because of EDITH and ended up using him. This entire movie was Peter needing to learn to trust his instincts rather than relying on the tech that he was given. In the end, it's Peter's own spidey-sense and instincts that saves him.

No Way Home is the movie that existed to break Peter down so we could see what he's made of. Peter sought Strange out to help with college not for himself but for MJ and Ned because it wasn't fair to them that they couldn't get into their dream school because of their association with him. Stephen felt bad for the kid and did the spell but he didn't have as big of a role in this film as everyone thinks he did. Sure, I joke about him adopting Peter but Stephen was really more of a plot device to bring in Raimi Peter and TASM Peter and their villains to our world. This movie existed to remind us that Peter is a good hearted, kind, superheroic person. It's why he wanted to help "fix" the villains and send them home rather than letting them go back home to die. Even after one of them directly kills Aunt May, he continues wanting to help them. He almost kills Green Goblin out of rage and grief but the older version of him stops him and we see Peter go onto make the ultimate sacrifice of letting the world forget about him to stop the rest of the spiderverse villains from coming through. It's Peter who saves the day, not Stephen, and while he had help from the older versions of himself, they didn't save the day either--Peter did. We even see that at the end of the movie, Peter is managing to be smiling and surviving. He's making it. He made his own suit since he no longer has the Stark tech to use. He's still going out and being our friendly neighborhood spiderman that we all know and love. And he did this on his own. Peter may have gotten help along the way but his own movies thus far have existed to show that he is competent on his own.

My question is: Why is it so bad for the teenagers to get help from the older, theoretically more responsible adults?

#spiderman #peter parker #america chavez #no way home #far from home #homecoming #doctor strange in the multiverse of madness #mcu

[gpoust37]

Let’s Talk About Wanda!

Included massive spoilers for Multiverse of Madness and spoils bits of What If and like all of Star Wars, you’ll see.

The first chunk of this was written on Friday, about 24 hours after seeing the film for the first time. I then saw the movie again Sunday night and it helped me clarify and and see some things through a different point of view with being able to focus on specific details that flew by on my first watch. I’ll note where I picked it up today. Here we go. Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one. So long tumble is forcing me to split it into 2 posts. Lame. This is part 1!

This has been percolating in my head all day and I’m not sure I have a point or just some random observations.

I was talking to somebody on twitter about Wanda and how I was bummed she died because she wouldn’t get a chance for a true redemption arc. It made me think about how there are multiple moments of judgment about the fate of whatever someone should live or die in the movie. The Illuminati judges 838 Strange to death, not for creating an incursion, but for the threat he could potentially be, despite coming clean and renouncing the Darkhold. You could argue the Darkhold had corrupted him too much, but I’d argue that he was able to see the wrong in his actions and went to the his friends that he was not too far gone. Did he mess up? For sure. But did not come across as a guaranteed villain. Yet they kill him.

The Strange that was originally with America judges the life of America as insignificant in the grand calculus of the multiverse. The demon stopped him. Her fate remains open to whatever life has for her.

The Illuminati begin to judge our Strange before being interrupted by Wanda. The way that was going it probably wasn’t going to go in our Strange’s favor, as in general, the Illuminati seems to be pro punishment before crime and the potential crime. But 838 Charles does channel the Fox X-Men Charles by telling us that, “Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn’t mean they’re lost forever.” Revealing that he likely regrets what they did to 838 Stephen and decides to give our Strange the opportunity to live on and do good that they hadn’t given to 838 Strange.

At the end our Strange is forced to judge America against the grand calculus of the multiverse again and if her life is worthy to take or not for the greater good. Of course he decides that her life is worth it and gives her a chance to do what’s she’s meant to do in the way only she can. Then America has to judge Wanda of figuring out her weakness since her strength was not enough to stop her. Only she could take Wanda to where she wanted to go and then could see the monster she had become.

If Charles hadn’t basically allowed our Strange to escape he would have never been able to be there to save America. And America would never have had the chance to stop Wanda.

So, yea, I’m bummed that Wanda saw herself as irredeemable and felt she had to choose death (seemingly, it’s Marvel, you never truly know unless you see the body. Even then…). Could she not have destroyed all the darkholds and stayed alive? Her life was filled with constant death and trauma and tragedy. Her last real happy moments were with people that she created. They weren’t even real happy moments. It’s just such a tragedy. In fact, Wanda has a sad/bad ending in every movie/show she was in. Age of Ultron: her home and country is completely destroyed and her only remaining family, Pietro (brother) is killed. Civil War: Imprisoned at the Raft, is technically rescued by Cap at the last moment of the film, but now she is on the run. Infinity War: personally kills Vision who had become her love to save the universe from Thanos, onto for Thanos to revive him and kill him himself right in front of her. Making her actions and sacrifice of being the one to kill him absolutely pointless. Broken and consumed with grief once again, she is then blipped out of existence for 5 years. Endgame: comes back to living, but at the end goes to Tony’s funeral to grieve all she lost. This is the happiest ending she gets. WandaVision: after taking a town hostage to be puppets for her, she learns that was kind of bad and inadvertently caused them pain on top of their freedom. Defeats Agatha and gives up her created family to go into isolation. But not alone, as she possessed the Darkhold, which we know now how much it corrupted her at this time. Multiverse of Madness: after being corrupted by the Darkhold becomes a monster and after being brought back to her senses, she brings down a massive building all around her implying death.

I don’t say all this to imply there should not be consequences for our actions. But there’s gotta be a better solution than death. So permanent and unforgiving. We find out in the mid credits that our Strange made an incursion happen. But rather than be judged for it, Clea pops out and recruits him to fix it. Who knows how you do that, but if it’s possible, it makes the Illuminati killing 838 Strange all the more sad.

I just wanted that chance for Wanda. The movie makes it seem like she went directly from Westview to going full blown evil and disregarding the lesson the show seemed to tell us. The show took the time to take an entire episode detailing all the pain and trauma she had been through to remind us that she was only human and that she was born with her powers. She hadn’t asked for them. So even after showing what drove her to make Westview, she finds out that she is causing pain to these people and learns that she messed up. So she gives it all up. Nobody else could have stopped her. She beats Agatha, who was her only real threat. She could have recreated the hex and continued on. But she was given a chance to choose and she chose wisely. The show even goes out it’s way to have Monica tell her that nobody would understand the sacrifice she had made. Which, was a little weird. But that’s the message the show was conveying. She seems to go off into isolation to process what just happened and was a good place to stop for now. But then they did show her using the Darkhold and we hear the kids voices. But at the time we didn’t truly know what the Darkhold would do to her. Her studying it doesn’t play as evil from what we knew then. She wanted the kids back, that desire makes sense. But this movie she is full blown evil now and has no regard for human life. She does try to be reasonable, but nothing could come between her and her desire for these children that are not actually hers. She’s so evil that she has to die (maybe?). Sigh.

Random thought, you’re telling me that in the infinite possibilities of the multiverse there wasn’t one where Wanda had died after giving birth to the boys? That she couldn’t have been dropped in there and adopted them? Maybe even with Vision? Something similar to what happens to Natasha at the end of What If. She was able to fill a hole that someone else had left. Would have been pretty beautiful if America could have done this for her. Not fixing anything, but giving an opportunity to get to know the other universe and help bring healing not just to her but to those boys and anyone else who had been close to the deceased Wanda. Where her baggage could be a burden and a hard learned lesson, but unknown to her new universe allowing her a chance to heal and grow from it and to do good there. Could have been nice.

I don’t know, maybe I just see too much of myself in Wanda. I’ve had more than my fair share of death and trauma in my youth than your average person. There are people who have it far worse than i do, but I am not your average person in this aspect. I’ve messed up a lot. Haven’t killed anybody or mind controlled a whole town though. But mistakes have been made that hurt others and myself. I want to believe I can learn and grow from my mistakes and not stay stuck in this loop of self hatred and desire of self destruction. I guess I wanted that for Wanda, too.

Well, this went off the rails cause I haven’t even gotten to the real point I wanted to get to. Along with all those judgments in this film, Moon Knight was also full of this idea of whether judging someone for potential future actions is just or only the ones who have done wrong should be punished. It’s really the central conflict of the show between Khonshu and Ammit.

I thought it was interesting that idea was present in both. Even No Way Home has Peter struggle with how to judge people and how you react to serious wrongs. Obviously this isn’t some new concept and I’m sure we could find more examples from earlier in the MCU. Like Cap seeing Bucky as his friend first no matter what he has done or what’s he’s become. He got to go on and fight Thanos and team up with Sam and is able to heal and grow to be the guy he was before becoming the Winter Soldier.

Like I said at the top, I don’t know if I really have some big point. Just what’s been running through my head all day and wanted to write it down and kind of put it all into words.

Now after seeing the film for the second time (on Mother’s Day, how perfect), I feel a lot better about how Wanda was handled and even more certain about her fate.

After my initial screening, I felt like the Darkhold had been downplayed and the true blame of the evil here was in question. Had Wanda gone insane and evil and then used the Darkhold as a source of great power? Or was a broken Wanda, cut off from the world and remaining friends, corrupted and manipulated by the Darkhold to twist her justifiable anger and grief into violent actions to, in her mind, fix her life/soul? It seemed to lean towards the former for some reason at first, but my second viewing helped me remember some crucial lines of dialogue.

The movie clearly states via our Doctor Strange, “the Wanda we knew is gone. She had the Darkhold and the Darkhold has her.” Without the evil and corruption from the Darkhold, Wanda would not be doing the things she does in this movie. Now, some people point to her Westview situation and say she was already a monster. While I don’t condone what she did, the most powerful person in the universe that couldn’t be stopped by anyone but herself messing up is going to be bigger than a normal mess up. But driven by her grief to create her own world where her “family” can live makes total sense for the character. We are shown that her family used tv time as a way to be together and bond. So recreating that type of experience for her new “family” makes sense. It was wrong though. But someone going through trauma sometimes lash out or do something rash. Like say, slaughter a tribe of Tusken Raiders?

That’s right! If the Doctor Strange quote from above didn’t subtlety remind you of another hero who lead a tragic life that was manipulated and corrupted by the dark side to turn evil and betray former allies and loved ones, this will make the similarities more clear. Like Wanda, who grew up in the downtrodden Sokovis, Anakin grew up in a simple yet dangerous part of the Galaxy. Both have powers that they never asked for. It is found out that both have prophecies about their future and there is uncertainty about exactly what it means. Both suffer various losses. Wanda loses her parents early on. Anakin is forced to leave his mother behind in slavery to be trained by Qui-gon, only for the Jedi council to deny him and for Qui-gon to be killed. Leaving him with new permission to be trained by Obiwan who essentially viewed him as trash when he first heard of him. He meets Palpatine and becomes his mentee. Wanda goes on to lose her brother and her home country. She joins the Avengers and on an early mission accidentally caused collateral damage that includes innocent civilians. Despite saving others at that moment, she is blamed and viewed as merely a weapon of mass destruction rather than a human. She is locked away, deemed too dangerous. Anakin finally goes to save his mother onto for her to die in his arms moments after freeing her. Wanda bonds with Vision and become lovers. After a short time together, where he also helps her with her grief, Thanos shows up and Wanda is forced to make the decision to kill Vision to prevent half the life in the Galaxy form being blipped out of existence. Only for Thanos to revive Vision to immediately kill him again in front of her and to shortly be blipped out of existence for 5 years. She returns after the 5 years and is left having killed her love for nothing and not brought back like herself. In her grief and trauma she creates the Hex and essentially enslaves a town and creates a new Vision and two children, Tommy and Billy. Due to the grief and trauma of losing his mother, Anakin slaughters a tribe of Tusken Raiders, including the women and children. Wanda stops the hex and frees everyone after unknowingly causing pain. She leaves conflicted and vulnerable to her emotions, being told she is the Scarlett witch. Anakin finds solace and love with Padme and they get married. His relationship with Palpatine has grown over the years and it becomes a father/son type situation. Anakin tells him of what he did to the Tuskens and Palpatine justifies it and says it was the right thing to do. He then encouraged him to murder an unarmed (literally) prisoner because he was deemed “too dangerous” to be left alive despite it being against what Anakin is taught to believe. We find out later, this was actually all apart of Palpatine’s plan to influence, manipulate, and corrupt Anakin to the dark side as his apprentice. We see Wanda in isolation, but with the Darkhold beginning to corrupt her and turn her evil. Anakin is asked to spy on his father figure in Palpatine who then manipulates Anakin to turn on his friends to side with him and reveals he is a Sith Lord. Anakin is give the chance to do what’s right, while he does initially, Palpatine is able to manipulate him by claiming to be able to prevent Padme from dying in childbirth. Anakin falls to the dark side, corrupted by evil. He slaughters evoin the Jedi temple, and becomes Darth Vader. Padme confronts him and he chokes her, she ends up dying giving birth, just as he foresaw, caused by his actions. As Darth Vader, he kills many jedi and rebels over the years. Including a famous hallway sequence where we see him fully powered by the dark side slaughtering rebels. Obiwan escapes to protect Luke and later on tells Luke that Darth Vader is more machine now than man and had killed his father. From Luke’s perspective we later learn that Anakin and Vader are the same person. When he had been consumed by the dark side, Anakin had ceased to exist. So you see, it was true, from a certain point of view. Continued in my next post.

#doctor strange in the multiverse of madness #doctor strange #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #elizabeth olsen #mcu phase 4 #marvel #movies #star wars #darth vader #anakin skywalker

[sacredshadow]

And now for some thoughts about Mahjarrat, specifically about gender.

(Gonna try to be careful with gender terms and stuff here but Mahjarrat can change their gender so whatever form of genitals they have usually indicates their preferred pronouns. That’s what I’m going to be referring to when I say male or female. I understand for humans it’s a little bit more complicated so I’m going to try to do this in a way that doesn’t upset or exclude anyone. Also this does touch on some stuff about pregnancy and does have to have a few sentences on the cause of pregnancy but it should be pretty clean.)

I’ve finally come up with a reason for female Mahjarrat having breasts: they don’t. They have absolutely no need for them, as they don’t breastfeed their children, it is simply something they opted to add to their appearance after their arrival on Gielinor, when humans and other species more used to different-looking genders started using the wrong pronouns for them.

Without this slight shapeshifting alteration/some things shoved down the front of their robes, male and female Mahjarrat look almost identical. In fact, if you remove everything but the underpants (which, tbh, a lot of them don’t really wear), then there is no difference except for features like skin tone, size, fitness, and other things that also alter between humans. And the things that don’t alter between humans but do between Mahjarrat, like chin-spikes, horns, and ridges. Those vary quite a bit between individuals.

Since Jagex has been a bit lazy and has used a recoloured version of the same model for all female Mahjarrat, it looks like the chin-spikes are an exclusively male feature, but they are not. Unlike the mimicry of breasts, that is not a mimicry of a beard. It just happens to be that the female Mahjarrat model doesn’t have them and (I think but I can’t be bothered to check) all the males do. They really don’t have any differences except the genitals, which I might discuss in another post since not everyone wants to read that.

The basics are that all Mahjarrat are capable of both impregnating a partner and getting pregnant themselves (I would have loved to have a whole thing where there’s only one gender or way more than just male and female, but I remember seeing a jmod saying that it was just the two so I’m stuck with that). We also know from the existence of Moia that Mahjarrat are, um, ‘compatible’ with humans. Keeping in mind what was previously said, a human with a uterus may have to be careful of pregnancy when in a relationship with any gender of Mahjarrat. A human with a penis, however, won’t actually be able to achieve an offspring out of a relationship with a Mahjarrat, no matter how it goes.

Now, a Mahjarrat pregnancy is not like that of a human or really anything else on Gielinor. It isn’t the “baby grows in tummy” thing or the “lay egg and sit on it for ages” thing, more of a “weird magical energy thing gets stronger and stronger and then it turns into a child”. It’s like a mammalian pregnancy in the way that the foetus is connected to the parent and is growing stronger with nourishment the parent provides, except there is no physical aspect (the only way to tell is that on another Mahjarrat’s kin awareness thing it appears that there are two Mahjarrat instead of just the one that they can see. The foetus is small and a lot less powerful, just a little blip that usually appears closely resemblant to the parent rather than a whole other Mahjarrat standing next to them. It’s very subtle, especially in the earlier stages, and is only really noticeable when it is specifically looked for.), and since Mahjarrat don’t eat, the nourishment provided is in the form of magical energy and can be given to or taken from the foetus by the parent at will. Although if the parent takes too much, the pregnancy will be terminated.

If the parent has a partner, whether they be the biological other parent of the offspring or not, they will usually donate some of their energy to the birthing parent to help them stay strong. Both of these parents will usually raise the child together. The Freneskraen words that are most similar to mother and father literally mean “parent who actually gave birth to the child” and “parent who didn’t give birth but helped create the child”, although quite often they are just the one who raises the child and the actual “father” is someone else the “mother” was with at the ritual of enervation. There is no aspect of gender at all.

And speaking of not having a gender, when the child is born after about a year (although it can be delayed indefinitely) when the little bit of magical energy finally grows strong enough to develop a physical form, the child has no gender. The “pup” as they are known (since some other people were using that word and I thought it was good) (well in Freneskraen they aren’t called pups but the word starts with a vague p sound and that’s what it ended up translating to in common tongue) will not have any genitals until they reach adulthood, a process that is not at all talked about and is usually quite a shock (perhaps you have a grandmother or another older relative who’s told you about when they first got their period and had no idea what was happening? Yeah it’s like that).

The pup stage lasts until the Mahjarrat can walk, communicate successfully, and have developed their claws and teeth fully. The amount of time this takes varies between individuals, usually depending on their power. The pups that develop fastest are usually destined to be great warriors and high-ranking in the tribe. After that the children grow bigger and stronger as they learn to fight and how to behave properly. And then when they have reached their full height and have developed genitals and are considered strong enough, they are considered full adults.

And now, the answer to the question I know has been circling through your minds for far too long: If that’s how Mahjarrat are born, why does Zamorak have a belly button? And again, the answer is that he doesn’t. He just thinks it looks fashionable or cool or something.

#runescape #rs3 #mahjarrat #sorry that was a lot to read and went waaay off topic

[taylorgraymoore]

November 21, 2023

In the interest of building a social media presence, I am going to try to post new stuff online on a regular basis from now on. 

I won't say I'll do it once a day, because that's a promise I won't be able to keep. But regularly.

Some of it will be alright; some of it will be awful. Hopefully it inspires some people to keep reading. A lot of it will be diary like—free-form stuff. Like this. Most of it will probably be a bit like this. Sometimes it'll be poetry; sometimes it'll be drafts from stories I'm working on; or outlines. I’m not sure. I just know I need to keep stuff coming if I want to exist on here in any meaningful way.

I've previously tried to get my foot in the door the traditional way. Submitting stuff to journals, small presses, waiting six months for a rejection letter. Because of my personality, and the odd kind of writing I produce, and because it is also just very hard in general, I find this like pulling teeth. So I'm trying a more self promotional route. Because, (on top of what I said above), I am also starting to believe that, with such an approach, the best I can probably hope for is to be a minor blip on the CanLit radar by the time I'm sixty, with a small handful of what I’d done published. And I'll probably have to heavily change the sort of writing I do, over time, to get there. Not just kill my darlings but cut bits off their corpses and remake them in the industry’s image. 

I don't really want to change the stuff I do: I like the stuff I do. That's not to say I'm not open to critique, I am, but I know I do not fit in that box mentioned above, and I don't really want to contort myself so that I do. I write for pleasure, basically—and that would feel awful. I’d rather stop writing entirely than turn it into something that feels awful. And I know I’m not going to stop writing.

So. Here I am. 

No, this is not the best thing you've ever read. I promise it will be better, sometimes. But just so you know what to expect.

I'm looking into self publishing. I mean to self publish a couple of poetry collections in the near future. I have a novella I'm trying to finish too. Hopefully I'll still be able to get my foot through the traditional door with some other stuff--yes, I write too much. I know. I feel like I'm drowning in it sometimes. I can't help doing it. It gives my life meaning. 

There have been times when literally the only reason I've gotten out of bed in the morning is because I have something I'm writing, and I want to get back to it. I love it. I'm married to it. 

I am afraid that I won't care if it gets out to the world, because it means so much to me and it doesn't matter if it's only mine alone, it still means that much. But I would rather make some kind of imprint. Because even if writing is an end, what is writing for but sharing? You don't tell a story to a wall. You tell a story to people. Often I only tell it to myself. I am even writing this to myself. Is there anyone reading this? Not yet. Too soon to call. Doesn't matter.

I am on the SkyTrain, writing this on the way home from work. I work in a BC Liquor Store in Richmond. Sometimes I really do write on the back of unclaimed receipts, but I do that less now. It's a form of desperation. It makes the span of time less brutally empty.

Let’s see how long I keep this up. 

P.S. I know there are typos.

#diary entry #canlit #prose #vancouver #richmond #writing #language #culture #spilled ink

[nopoodles]

Show Your Process Tag

Rules: When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag others. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

Tagged by the ever intriguing @saedoeswriting

I hope npbpdy minds if I go a bit theoretical on this, I have this paranoia about sharing project information too early and hyping people up only to later realise I can't finish the project so I don't want to chat too much about stuff that's far away on the publish-o-meter, but it also feels weird to use a sequel for this, and the inspiration and preparation parts of Merry Arlan: Breaking The Curse were such a long time ago (that book took me 4 years to finish, not including the very first ever draft of it)

Inspiration

Usually inspiration comes from a brief blip of a thing. A "what if" on a story by someone else. A song that builds images in my head. A ride at Disneyland Paris on my honeymoon in 2018 followed by 3 days of my wife being snowed off site and us tellng each other stories wrapped up in blankets to pass the time(okay, that's pretty specific, it's my NTK Pirate Project).

Actually, a lot of my inspiration comes from my wife, she gives me a lot of "what ifs" to follow, encourages me when I start rambling about stories and potential stories. She's said before "Yes, take my ideas and turn them into stories because I don't want to write, I jus want to read them"

Preparation

The most prep I ever did was for my 2021 NaNoWriMo project (current title share is Untitled Space Opera, it's part of the Inter-Planetary Alliance Novels, coming ????), I printed off two different prep booklets and built characters, wrote down scene prompts, gave each character their own theme song. And then I used exactly none of that and just wrote what came to mind. (Have I mentioned lately that I'm a pantser?)

Most of the time "preparation" looks like "I can't write this full thing right now, let me just write this scene I have in my head" and "Do I have anything planned on Tuesday?"

Like, I have a plan to be finished with rewrites of the second Guardian Cadet Series book by 30th June and then spend at least the first week of July (possibly longer) just letting the whims take me where they will. That's prep, right?

Process

I write, majoritively, in order. Except in cases where I've written some kickass foreshadowing and I want to write what has been foreshadowed lest I forget that the foreshadowing exists.

I can write in any format, at any time of day, in almost any situation. If I have an idea, I'm writing it down, even if I'm trying to sleep, or trying to catch the bus, or in the middle of a conversation, or making dinner (am I hard to live with? Probably but I've asked my wife and she said she thinks its cute so that's fine, right?).

I will also write scenes that I don't have a location for yet, just because they come to mind. Draft 2 is for putting the puzzle pieces in order. Speaking of draft 2, I usually write 5-6 drafts before anyone else lays eyes on it, then it goes to my wife so she can translate it out of dyslexic-language and tell me that, while I am getting better with full stops, I still haven't quite mastered the art (semi-colons though, those I get).

Thoughts

Sometimes I wish I was more linear. I see people who outline smashing out books like they're frying tattie scones in a bright kitchen with all the proper utensils. Me, on the other hand, I have a fork because the spatula is broken, and the lights keep flickering off so I have to take great long pauses to stay safe and sane.

On the other hand, I know my process makes the books I want to make. (Poorly lit kitchen, fork instead of a spatula or not, those are some damn fine tattie scones.) Not to mention, I probably wouldn't be able to do it any other way (because I've tried).

I've always been impatient with myself and my output, I have so many ideas that I want to write, being able to write faster would be such a boon because it would mean I could get to them faster. But some things take more time. Spaghetti bolognase and Lasagne (okay, I can't spell, I'm sorry) are made up of mostly the same ingredients, but one takes a lot longer than the other. They're both tasty, they're both of the same value, they're both great. So slow-written books can be just as good as quick-written books too.

Tagging

I'm not sure who hasn't already been tagged in this one but if you happen across it and yu want to do it, tell them I tagged you

#showyourprocess #show your process #got a bit meta my apologies #also this is way long #anyway #tag games!

[m4tthewmurd0ck]

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 ~ 𝐁𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐱 (𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞) 𝐀𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

PART 1 OF 3

- I just left my apartment to run errands and when I’m gone I’ll go over part 2 to make sure it’s alright. will try to have that up tonight!

beyond excited to participate in @cryonme​ birthday writing event! i’m so sorry this took so long to post but when you see the word count, you’ll be able to tell why asdfdhgej. there was also a point where i had added about 3k words, saved the draft, then when i came back just a few minutes later to check something, tumblr had deleted every new thing i added / the update didn’t save. at that point i stopped writing for this for like a few days because i was so pissed lol.

i chose bucky barnes + 3 prompts: do you ever think about what i would do if something happened to you? // you have stars in your eyes. i like looking at them. // am i the reason you cry every night? (one of these is used twice hehe)

word count: 10.8 - 10.9k (it’s a lot better now that i’m splitting this up into 3 parts. originally i wasn’t planning for it to be this long but i just got to typing and typing on my silly little keyboard and then when i did the word count i knew i had to split it up lol)

sorry for the long ass intro, but little bit of context: obviously an au since i’m adding a character (aka you!) that doesn’t technically exist in the films. pietro survived in aou + he and wanda survived the blip, thor didn’t leave immediately after killing thanos, and clint wasn’t ever placed on house arrest. i know that bucky being rescued by steve is november 1943 and then him falling off the train is january 1945 but this does deal with both of those events so in this, it’s all in january of 1945. i’ve loved and been in the mcu fandom for years and years, having seen everything after the first iron man in theaters. i’ve also watched all films multiple times, so if you see something different or off to how it is in the movies, please assume it is intentional and for my story. as always, feedback is greatly appreciated but if you only have negative things to say with nothing actually helpful, or you just straight up hate this, please keep it to yourself because i’m actually really sensitive ahsdfasdga. full piece will be below the cut. enjoy!! and remember:

Life was definitely not what you thought it’d be. Not long after Thanos wiped out half of the population, you were kidnapped. They called themselves New Hydra (sooo clever, right?), the group consisted of about only 25 men, but their goal was clear: they wanted to make newer and better Winter Soldier’s. About a week into you being held captive, it became obvious that they knew who you were long before they got their hands on you. You were told that the 12 of you that were chosen were unique. They’d been keeping their eyes on those with ‘special abilities’ in New York for quite a while. You fascinated them with your ability to travel through time.

It also helped that you were alone, no family and no close friends. Since you could do… what you could do, you mostly kept to yourself.

After spending over a decade perfecting a new serum, the people in charge decided that it was ready for human test subjects. Of everyone taken, you were the only one to survive the injections. You were New Hydra’s first Winter Soldier.

At first, your new powers weren’t immediately obvious. All kinds of tests were run, you were physically and mentally tortured, they did everything they could think of to see what the serums turned you into. One day, it was as if your body had enough. Just as you were strapped to the chair and the contraptions were placed around your head, a red light began to glow from your hands. A moment later when men began to rush in to see what was going on, you opened your fists, aiming your open hands at them. They were all dead within seconds as the energy was sent surging at them.

You wouldn’t find out until way later, that the color of the energy depended on your emotions. It only ever appeared red with New Hydra, because they loved to see you angry.

Now it was very clear. Not only would those remaining be able to send you through time to get their hands on weapons or information, but you were even more powerful than they thought you’d become. You were going to be their greatest weapon.

It didn’t take long for you to be compliant. One night when you were asleep, what looked like an oxygen mask was placed over your nose and mouth. You immediately woke up and tried to fight, but the gas was too powerful and you were unconscious just seconds later. That same night, a device was implanted in your leg. If you disobeyed, made a snarky comment, or did anything they didn’t like, the touch of one button sent pain that started in your leg but quickly spread throughout your whole body.

Almost ten months into captivity, you were rescued. The remaining Avengers had gotten word about an enhanced individual being held captive by a group of men, and Steve and Nat were sent to rescue you.

You didn’t know, of course, and coincidentally you were plotting your escape for that same day. After you were thrown back into your room, you removed the knife that you’d managed to hide in your boot. You grabbed the thin blanket that they allowed you to have, bit down on it, and cut into your leg. It took everything in you not to cry out in pain, but you managed to remove what you’d come to think of as the pain device. The cut wasn’t big, but you were bleeding a lot more than you had anticipated. You quickly ripped part of the blanket and tied it around your leg as best you could.

Using your powers to force the door open, you poked your head out, only to see the man that usually handled your torture, being thrown to the ground.

As you ran out into the hall, you looked around. You didn’t know what you were looking for, but something wasn’t right. Mikael, that was the mans name. He was your main point of contact with New Hydra, and as you slowly made your way over to him, a thought occurred.

You could kill him, but then everyone that worked under him would all work to kill you. You were powerful, and you’d already killed 5 men, and even with Mikael now on the ground that still left 19 men. Would you be strong enough to take them all down?

He called your name, blood slowly dripping out of his mouth as he beckoned you over with a weak flick of his wrist. “Kill them,” he whispered.

You tilted your head to the side, confused. They’d mostly been using you for your time traveling abilities, and at that point they only used your trigger words a handful of times, and each time after giving your mission report, they wiped your memory and either allowed you to go back to your room, or put you in cryo. So really, you had no idea how many people you’d actually killed.

“You stupid girl, I said kill them,” he pointed behind him.

You shot up, immediately making eye contact with Steve Rogers. Of course you recognized him, you knew who he was before you were taken, and now you were taught that the Avengers were your enemies.

“You don’t have to do this,” he takes a few steps forward, stopping when you raised your arms and purple energy began to glow around your hands. Purple, you’d come to find, meant scared. “It’s over, we’ve taken care of all of them. You can come with us and we can help you.”

Mikael pulled himself to a sitting position, reaching up to shove you forward. “Kill them now!”

You looked back at him for a few seconds, before turning back to Steve. Natasha Romanoff stepped out from behind him.

“Are they really all gone?” You whispered, looking to her as if for confirmation. When they both nodded, you lowered your hands. But the past ten months all seemed to run through your mind. You turned around to Mikael, suddenly aware that for the first time in a long time, you had the upper hand.

As you raised your hands, prepared to kill the man that had done nothing but cause you pain and suffering, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You weren’t used to touch that wasn’t meant to cause you harm, so you flinched as you turned around. Steve immediately removed his hand and took a step back. He didn’t say anything, but you were aware of what he was asking you to do. Reluctantly, you lowered your hands.

S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were soon brought in, and you were handcuffed. You were a killer, and they intended to punish you as such. After you were forced to put on handcuffs that somehow stopped your powers, there was a little back and forth about where you’d go. While Steve was arguing with the agents in charge, Nat quickly led you out of the building and onto the quinjet.

When Steve joined you a few minutes later, he admitted that the only reason you were allowed to go with them was because he pointed out that should you somehow escape your cuffs, he and Nat were the only ones that might be able to handle you. He tried to assure you that he only said that so that you wouldn’t go straight to wherever they had planned for you, but you didn’t respond, instead keeping your head downward, eyes on the same spot on the ground.

“How do I know you won’t kill me the second we land… wherever you’re taking me?” You asked after a few minutes, not able to look either of them in the eye.

“Wh—what they did to you,” Nat moved and took the seat next to you. “It wasn’t your fault. Neither of us thinks you should be killed or thrown in prison for the things they made you do.”

You weren’t sure whether you could believe them or not. The entire time you were held, it was drilled into your head that the Avengers wanted you dead.

Steve sat on the other side of you, and spoke as if he could hear your thoughts. “I’m sure they’ve told you a lot about us. But I can promise you, we’re not the bad guys.”

“Y-you don’t want to do what they did, with me? I don’t remember much of it, but they said that I was a good weapon, and—”

“No,” Steve shook his head. “You won’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Hours later, the quinjet touched the ground. Steve walked out first, followed by you and Nat. You were greeted by Nick Fury, who immediately took you by the arm and began to lead you into the building. Nat tried to speak up and say that wasn’t necessary, but Fury ignored her.

“You recognize this building?” He asked you just before you walked inside.

“The— this is the Avengers compound?”

He nodded, going silent again when you stepped into the elevator. Getting off on the second floor, you were taken into a room that had what was clearly a sort of prison cell.  ((((((think of the ‘cell’ loki was held in, in the first avengers film))))))

You began to panic, trying to escape from Fury’s hold.

“Alright let her go,” Steve finally caught up to you guys. He put a hand on your shoulder, and you tensed, but were relived when Fury finally let go. “This isn’t necessary, she isn’t some risk—”

“No offense Rogers, but you can’t guarantee that. She stays in here until we can determine what to do with her.”

He started to speak up again, but you shook your head. “It’s okay, it’s a better cell than I’m used to,” you gave him a sad smile before stepping inside.

Once the doors closed, you took a seat on the hard bench, doing your best not to cry. For so long you’d been nothing but a weapon. Now you were free from that… but what would happen next?

A lot happened after that. After Steve and Fury argued for a good ten minutes, Nat finally got them to calm down. Later that night Steve brought you pillows and a bunch of blankets, apologizing that he couldn’t get you moved to a normal room just yet. You thanked him, saying that he’d shown you more kindness than anyone had in a long time, and he further proved this when he sat outside of your cell that evening, talking to you for hours.

A few days later, you were visited by Fury. He said a deal was worked out. You were going to be sent somewhere where they could help de-program you, and make it so that your trigger words had no effect. Once that was complete, you were to come back and lay low in the Avengers compound, and after six months of basically being on house arrest, you’d be given a pardon. After learning of what happened to Bucky Barnes, while there were a lot of people who still blamed him, people also understood that he was forced to do those things, that he wasn’t in control.

So it was just 24 hours later that you found yourself back on the quinjet. You were exhausted, but stayed awake the entire flight. Secretly terrified that if you fell asleep, you’d wake up and find that you being rescued was all just a dream.

Wakanda was beautiful. And everyone was nice. You were greeted by the king, who insisted that you simply call him T’Challa. The young woman next to him piped up and said you could also call him annoying, which is what she usually prefers when referring to him. She then stuck her hand out and introduced herself as Shuri, letting you know that she’d be working closely with you.

She explained that it had been a while since Bucky was there, and since then she tried to work on perfecting the de-programming program, as she started calling it. Of course with no other Winter Soldier’s around, she couldn’t test it. So only time would tell if the deprogramming time would actually speed up.

Luckily, it worked. You only went into cryo once. Just 3 weeks later when Shuri determined you all were at the end, you were escorted by a member of the Dora Milaje to somewhere a few miles from everyone else. She assured you that it was just for your own safety, but you assumed it was for everyone else’s too. When all 10 trigger words were spoken out loud, and you didn’t react, you cried tears of joy. When you returned to everyone else, you embraced Shuri in a hug, telling her that she saved your life and you owed her everything. She was mostly happy that it actually worked, and said that all she wanted in exchange was a short interview with you, to ask in-depth questions about how things went from your point of view.

Exactly one month after leaving, you returned to New York. At Fury’s insistence, just incase, you were put back in the same cell. It was only overnight. Someone who spoke Russian was then brought in early the next morning. You tensed up as they said your trigger words, but by the end, nothing happened.

It wasn’t much longer until Steve was able to convince Fury that you weren’t a danger and shouldn’t have to sleep in that cell like you were their prisoner. An hour later, Nat came and escorted you up to the 4th floor. She said the floor used to be inhabited by someone else, but he was gone now and you could stay here for now until the next step was decided.

She reluctantly told you that the floor would remain locked unless one of the few people who had access needed to see you. But she reassured you that this was only temporary, and that if you needed anything, all you had to do was ask. Later, Steve came back and asked if you’d like to meet everyone else. They were all made aware of your situation, and seeing the skepticism on your face, he promised that none of them thought you were the monster that New Hydra tried to turn you into.

You went with him into the elevator and up to the top floor, timidly following behind him. Sat on a large couch and at the tall chairs near the kitchen, were Tony Stark, Pietro Maximoff, Thor, Bruce Banner, Wanda Maximoff, James Rhodes, Pepper Potts, and Clint Barton. Steve had mentioned that almost everyone that survived the blip was staying at the compound.

Pepper was the first to notice you and Steve entering the room, immediately getting up and approaching the two of you. She introduced herself and held her hand out. You hesitated at first, again, not used to people reaching out to you and not intending to cause you pain. But you shook her hand, and smiled when she said it would be good to have another woman around.

Clint, Tony, Bruce, Wanda, and Rhodey figured that you’d be a little intimidated walking into the room, so they all gathered and just made small talk amongst themselves. But Pietro and Thor were less obvious, their eyes following you as you walked into the room and approached all of them.

Pietro was next to greet you, getting up and speeding over to you. You not showing any reaction at the fact that he crossed the room in less than a second made him smile. He liked you already.

After that, your nerves quickly left you as everyone was nothing but nice. You were most nervous to meet Tony. New Hydra had filled your head with his hatred for Winter Soldier’s, and you weren’t sure how he’d react to you. But after Bucky, he was a lot more understanding. And he simply told you that he hoped they’d be able to help you get your life back on track.

After 2 weeks not leaving your floor, you started to grow restless. It had everything you could ever want, a small theater, massive kitchen, another room with a computer and a few books on the shelves, but you weren’t used to this. You were used to your time being controlled. You weren’t used to having the freedom to do whatever you wanted.

The first time you asked Nat if you could maybe borrow a few books from someone, she was pleasantly surprised that you liked to read. She asked you to make a list of any books that you wanted, and you assured her you weren’t picky, you’d read whatever was given to you. You walked into the computer room 2 days later to find over 100 books on the shelves. She’d spoken to Tony, who found a list titled “100 Best Books of All Time” and ordered every one of them.

Week 3, Bruce asked if you’d come up to the lab and allow him to run a few tests on you. You were a little terrified, but his smile and the kindness in his voice let you know that he wasn’t like them. He didn’t want to run tests to torture you or figure out a way to use your powers to his benefit. He was just genuinely curious, and wanted to see if they’d be able to help you with your powers in any way.

And he quickly became fascinated, especially when you talked about your time traveling abilities. As far as you knew, you’d never had any contact with the time stone, so it was still a mystery how you were able to do it. You traveled a few times, each time going further and further back in time. The two of you worked out that the further back you went, the longer you needed to recover afterwards. Going back 10 years required you to rest for a full day before you were feeling back to your normal self.

He was baffled when you thanked him one day as you were leaving. When he asked what for, you said “for allowing me to recover before sending me back again. When I was still… with them, sometimes I’d have to make two or three trips in one day. Then they’d throw me back in my room or freeze me again, and I never knew how long I had to rest.”

After 2 weeks of being with Bruce and Tony in the labs for at least a couple of hours every day, Nat announced that she was stealing you away. You went with her to the gym, she said she noticed you seemed a little restless if you sat still for too long, and she offered to train with you to release some of your energy.

You surprised her again with your fighting skills, but then she remembered the group that was training you. She taught you a few moves, and you ended up spending at least an hour nearly every day in the gym training together.

One thing that you re-learned about yourself, was that you loved to cook. One by one the team slowly trickled to your floor one night. The smell of the food you’d been cooking quickly made its way through the vents, and Tony was the first to work out that it was coming from your floor. You’d found an old cook book that dated back to the 1930’s, and Tony kept your kitchen stocked well enough that there were all the ingredients needed to make something.

Steve stayed quiet about the particular foods that you’d chosen to cook, but he recognized them almost immediately when he saw what book you got the recipes from. The floor you were on used to be Bucky’s, and although most of his things had been packed away so that you could move in without someone else’s things being all over the place, little things like his books had been left out.

From then on, everyone else not-so-slyly hoped that you’d be making dinner for everyone from then on. You immediately agreed, not only loving to cook, but loving that you felt needed. Your security clearance was changed, and you were also granted access to the kitchen attached to the main living room. You asked Tony if you might be able to get your hands on a few more cookbooks, and being the extremely generous and over-the-top man that he was, less than 24 hours later you found stacks of 40 books on the kitchen counter.

Between meals with the team, the gym with Nat, Steve, and occasionally Pietro who flirted with you every chance he got, the labs with Bruce, Tony and Rhodey, and a few outside sessions with Clint who heard you tell Nat one night that you thought his arrows were really cool, your 6 months on house arrest went by a lot faster than anticipated. You’d even spent a little bit of time with Thor, usually you lounged around together in one of the many living rooms. You loved and were in awe about his stories about life on Asgard, what it looked like, what the people were like, and he appreciated a chance to talk about the place and people that he loved. You were smart and witty, and he couldn’t help but think that if his brother were alive, you 2 would’ve gotten along well.

After your time on house arrest was up, you were still nervous to leave the compound. But everyone assured you that you didn’t have to step foot outside until you were absolutely ready.

Secretly, you weren’t just nervous. You were terrified. Once you started going outside and interacting with other people, would you still have a place to stay? What if it was determined that since you were able to function out in public, you wouldn’t need to stay at the compound anymore? Or what if it was worse, and you were then placed into S.H.I.E.L.D. custody?

It turned out that you didn’t need to worry about that either. Tony had quickly come to think of you as family, and he came to your floor one night and asked if you’d like to stay with them, mentioning that you could leave whenever you wanted, but everyone loved having you around.

Time really flew by after that. Some of the team still occasionally went on missions, but Tony was one of the few who stayed behind. He was still weak after what happened with Thanos, and it was taking a while to get his full strength back.

When Pepper found out that she was pregnant, Tony immediately wanted to move them to a place of their own, wanting a chance at a normal life. He asked you to come with them, and you happily accepted.

For the next few years, there was peace. In the cabin, you, Tony, Pepper, and eventually Morgan, lived a quiet life. You still practiced with your powers, but didn’t go on missions with the rest of the remaining Avengers. Tony, in fact, made a game of it when you said you wanted to practice. He’d look up old dates in his calendar to ensure that past-him wouldn’t be home, then he’d send you back to grab some fancy bottle of wine or a nice shirt that he lost. You appreciated that he didn’t see your powers as a weapon, and you liked using them this way.

Things were good, and then one day Steve, Nat, and Scott Lang showed up. They said that there was a chance to fix thigns, if they could go back in time to get the stones, Nat pointed out that one of them could snap their fingers and bring everyone back.

You spoke up, offering to just do it yourself. As long as you didn’t have to go back in time by that many years, you should be fine making a few trips in one day. The only reason you were so exhausted with New Hydra was because they made you do multiple trips in a day, but often going back 50+ years. Before any one of them could respond to you, though, Tony shook his head. You’d been with him for years now and really were like ‘his first daughter’, as he sometimes referred to you. He said absolutely not, they would not be putting your life at risk like that especially when the outcome wasn’t guaranteed. And he knew that none of them were selfish to expect that of you. And besides, there was a chance that things could get screwed up even worse than they already had.

Nothing was resolved after that. Steve, Nat and Scott ended up leaving soon after that conversation. At one point, you pulled Steve aside. He was the first one to be kind to you, and you let him know that you still wanted to help. You trusted him, and if he thought getting the stones could bring everyone back, then you’d do it for him. He pulled you in for a hug, and said he really appreciated you. But, Tony was right. It was a gamble, and not worth risking your life, especially sending you back alone.

Later that night, you sent Nat a text. You said you knew that no one wanted to send you back alone, but you still wanted to be kept in the loop. So you asked her to let you know if they were going to still work on anything time travel related. A couple of days later, you got a call. They brought Bruce in on it again, and were confident that there was a possible solution.

You nervously approached Tony, and told him what was going on. When he found out that you wanted to go there and possibly help them, he started to protest. Nearly 10 minutes later, and after you promised that you wouldn’t do any time traveling by yourself, he offered to drive you to the compound. When you got there, he made you promise again, this time to let him know if anything went wrong or if anyone got hurt. You asked if he was going to come inside, and he said no, he was going to go back to the cabin and work on a few things.

Later, he received a text that consisted of only 4 emojis and 2 symbols: 🕛🚐 = 👶🏼&👴🏻

After what was pretty much concluded to be a fail, Steve went outside for some air. Everyone else went to their rooms to cool off. You stayed put, opting to join Steve outside after a few minutes. He asked how you were doing with all of this, and you said you were torn. On one hand, you wanted everyone to be happy and be able to bring back those they lost, but you understood why Tony was hesitant.

He could tell something else was bothering you, so he asked if you were really okay. You confessed that you were scared.

“Before New Hydra, I was basically alone. Then, they took me, and for a while all I knew was the life they forced me to live. One where every moment of my life was under their control, one where I was their weapon, the monster they created, and—”

Steve put a hand on your shoulder, giving you a sad smile. “You remind me a lot of someone. I promise you, you are not the monster that they created. The blood isn’t on your hands.”

“But it was still my hands that killed those people,” you looked down, unable to make eye contact.

He got chills, Bucky said those exact words to him when he was first brought to live in the compound. “It wasn’t. You were forced to do those things. You had trigger words, right?” When you nodded, he continued, “you didn’t have a choice. No one blames you.”

Putting a temporary halt to your conversation, was the sound of a car approaching. A big smile finally makes its way to your face as you recognize the car. You had a feeling Tony would come around.

Before he did or said anything to anyone else, though, he pulled you aside. “You have to promise me that you’ll be careful, okay?”

“I will, I promise. It’s just—”

“No,” Tony shook his head. “This isn’t just some light mission that we’re all gonna bounce back from and everything will be fine. This could, hell, it probably will get ugly. I know you’ve volunteered yourself in the past, but you can’t do that now if you’re risking your life, and your life alone.”

He pulls you in for a hug before you start crying, knowing how sentimental you can be.

“I promise I won’t volunteer myself for anything unless I’m absolutely sure.” You offer up, hoping that’s good enough.

“You know what, I guess I’ll take it. But I mean it, kiddo. Do you ever think about what I would do if something happened to you? I know sometimes you still see yourself as an outsider, but you’re family. You’re my daughter whether you like it or not.”

You stood outside for a few more minutes, and reassured Tony once more that you wouldn’t do anything without at least checking with him first.

From there, things quickly progressed. Rhodey and Nebula arrived, and the team quickly split up. Bruce and Rocket went to go get Thor, who’d fallen into a depression not long after your house arrest ended. Losing Loki and feeling like he failed to kill Thanos when he should have, took its toll, and he left the compound to go join the remaining Asgardians. Nat went to go get Clint, who also fell into a depression when it finally hit him that his family was no longer around.

Once everyone was back, Clint did a test run with the time travel suits, and then a long discussion / debate followed about where the infinity stones were, and who would go where to get them. Once Nat pointed out that if you chose the right year, there’d be 3 stones in New York, you all decided to split up into 3 teams. Tony was reluctant to let you go since you’d be going back and forth without a suit and only your powers, but you were determined to help.

At first, it was decided that you would go to Vormir with Clint, and Nat would be one of the few that went to New York. But after everyone else was decided, she pulled you aside and asked you to switch places. She and Clint had been through a lot, and she felt like she should be with him on this mission. You agreed, and so it was decided that you would be going to New York.

The way your powers worked, you had to be extremely specific. If you wanted to travel back, you couldn’t just pick a year. You had to pick the year, month, day, and exact time as well as the location. So once Steve let you know, you went first.

“You know, Cap, that head piece on your uniform is a nice touch,” you pointed way off into the distance, where the past Avengers were stood in a circle. You hadn’t seen him wear his entire uniform at that point.

He pretended to be offended, but the smile on his face gave him away. For a while, once again things seemed to be going smoothly… and then you and Steve ran into… past Steve.

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” you both muttered at the same time.

After a lengthy battle between Steve and Steve with you helping out here and there, the 2 of you made your way back to re-group with Tony and Scott. Upon realizing that it was pretty much a fail, Tony suggested that he and Steve go further back, mentioning that they could get still get everything they needed. Once Scott was sent back to the compound, you told the 2 remaining men that you were going with them. Both protested, saying you’d already done more than enough. When you pointed out that you hardly did anything, mostly helped Steve fight himself, they were still reluctant. You pointed out that they’d given you a life you never thought you’d have, and you just wanted to help make sure everyone got what they wanted in the end, and you going with them was a way for you to do that.

You ignored the warning voice in your head. The one that reminded you what happened when you went back just a single decade. You barely left your bed, so what would happen when you went all the way back to 1970?

For the most part, nothing happened right away. But that was usually how it worked, if you travelled back and forth too quickly, you didn’t feel the effects until after. A rough plan was made, and you and Steve separated from Tony, with plans to meet back up as soon as possible.

As with every other thing you guys had done, there had to be at least a couple of hiccups. You and Steve managed to grab more Pym particles, but once you exited the room you quickly realized that at least a few people were on to you. Overhearing the woman from the elevator saying that she’d never seen you, Steve, and Tony before, you asked Steve what to do. He quickly put an arm around you and walked in the other direction, pretending to make small talk.

Once you were far enough away that you didn’t think they’d see, you walked through 2 random doors. You’d been the one to point out you should separate, that way if one of you got caught, the other was free to rescue them. You and Steve really should’ve paid more attention to where exactly you were going. The name on the door Steve had randomly chosen? Margaret Carter.

As he looked around the room, feeling his heart break when he saw that she still kept a photo of him from before the serum on his desk, you were frantically looking around, wondering where you could possibly hide. When the door handle twisted open, you thought well, I hope they make my death quick.

When you and Peggy locked eyes, she was a little surprised, to say the least. She hadn’t been told that anyone would be in the room, and she didn’t know of any other women currently working in that particular building. Steve watched, frozen, wondering if he should go help you. Peggy would recognize him, of course, but he couldn’t just leave you.

As you stammered through what you hoped was a believable excuse for why you were in there, Peggy surprised you by just straight up asking if you were from the future.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she gave you a small smile, noticing how nervous you seemed. “It’s alright, I’m not going to go running out screaming about you.”

“How— how did you—” You were still trying to process the fact that not only did she figure you out instantly, but she was so calm about it.

“There are things I’ve witnessed that if I heard about them from someone else, I might not even believe. But these days nothing surprises me. I also don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone dressed like you, your clothes are definitely from another time. By any chance are you working with Howard Stark? Time travel is something he dreams of doing one day too.”

You didn’t have the heart to tell her. And even if you did, you still wouldn’t have. Her knowing what eventually happens to him wouldn’t have done anything. “Umm, I’m working with someone that knows him,” you tried to tell her what you could, without straight up lying.

“Oh,” she shuffled through a few papers on a desk. You were still puzzled by her reaction, but were mentally trying to figure out a way to make your exit. Once she put the papers down, she turned to you, a smile on her face. “Do you use some sort of device? Or is it the suit you’re wearing?”

For a few seconds, you considered what / exactly how much you should tell her. But you couldn’t draw more attention to yourself by turning and running, and you figured since she was there for the super soldier serum with Steve, she must know at least a little about enhanced individuals. So you settled for the truth.

“I… it’s kind of weird, I guess? I just— I don’t know, really. I just do it. I have to think of a specific location and be specific with the exact year, month, day, and time too. But then I just concentrate and… I’m there. It sounds odd, I know, but I’ve been able to do this for as long as I can remember. This is the furthest I’ve travelled back though, and it’s mainly just for practice. I must’ve read about this place in a book or something.”

“Fascinating,” she whispered. “If I may ask, what year did you come from?”

“2023,” you said softly, again surprised at how she remained so calm.

“I’ll be an old woman by then, maybe I’m even gone already. But do we know each other at all? You just, you said you worked with someone who knew Howard, and I’ve worked with him quite a bit.”

“I’d heard a great deal about you, and you’re someone that I look up to and admire very much, but no I unfortunately never got to meet you.”

Before she could ask you another question, a series of loud knocks on the door caused you both to jump.

“Carter, you in there?” A voice called out loudly. “Word going around that there are three trespassers in the building, I’m supposed to check every room.”

Your eyes widened, and you looked around, seeing if there was any place you could hide. The door opened just then and Peggy stepped around you and pulled you in for a hug, the guy who entered now looking at your back.

“Just saying goodbye to an old friend,” she smiled at him, then turned her head slightly and whispered to you, “go straight into my office and exit from there. And keep up the good work, the world needs more women in charge,” she smiled and then quickly opened her office door, ushering you inside. “Now, what was that about trespassers?” She turned back to face the man in the room.

You prepared to run out of the room, and ran directly into Steve. He put his arms out to steady you, eyes still on the office next door.

“She… she knew I was here from the future. She’s distracting that man but we have to go now. I’ll tell you more later, promise.” With that, you both exited Peggy’s office. You quickly held a folder up in front of your face, and Steve put his glasses back. on. The building was a lot more crowded now, and you both hurried as you knew it was only a matter of time before someone noticed you were both out of place.

You and Steve made it outside just in time to see Tony saying goodbye to a man you assumed was his father, given that they hugged before parting ways. When you all arrived back at the compound, there was a brief moment of celebration as Rhodey exclaimed that he couldn’t believe it actually worked. Then when Clint dropped to his knees, reality and the full weight of the situation set in.

“Clint… where’s Nat?”

You and Clint seemed to take her death the hardest. Everyone missed her, of course, but you blamed yourselves. Clint felt like it was supposed to be him, he should’ve been the one to die. And you said it was meant to be you. You were supposed to go with him first, after all.

Traveling back 5 decades took it’s toll on you not long after you all went back into the compound again after that talk about Nat. Steve helped you back to your floor, insisting that you at least try and get a little bit of rest. He pointed out that they still had to figure out how to put the stones together, and they still had to decide who was going to actually be the one to snap. After promising that he’d tell you before anything happened and that they’d bring you in on any discussions, you agreed to rest.

You thought that you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, but your body was so drained that in less than a minute, you were out cold. An unknown amount of time later, you were woken up by a phone call telling you to suit up and make your way to the labs. You quickly changed into the suit that Tony had given you a couple of years prior. You hadn’t used it yet since you weren’t going on missions, and this was the first time you put it on.

Once you joined the others, the arguing began. Thor felt it was his responsibility to put the glove on and be the one to snap, but Tony pointed out he was in no condition to do so.

You volunteered, but Tony cut you off with a swift “don’t even think about touching that glove kid. You travelled back over fifty years, and by the way I had to find out from Banner that traveling back that far could damage your health?” Knowing your body couldn’t handle it anyway, you stepped back.

In the end it was agreed upon that Bruce would do it. He was definitely still the biggest since he was partly trapped in the Hulk’s body. And the fact that it was mostly gamma radiation, he said he was the closest of everyone to being made for this.

No one was sure if it worked at first, until Clint got a call from Laura. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to answer though before something smashed through the glass windows, sending all of you flying backwards. Explosion after explosion… after explosion, none of you even had a second to process what was happening.

When you finally opened your eyes, you were trapped under a lot of rubble. You used what little strength you had left to move what you could, and just barely managed to crawl out. You panicked, looking around for anybody. Tripping over a big chunk of wall, you were caught with just inches between your face and the ground.

“Come on, no laying down on the job,” Pietro helped you up, holding his arm out so that he could help you walk. “We have to find a place for you to rest. I don’t know—”

You cut him off. “I’m staying with you guys.”

Once you, Steve, Pietro, Tony, Wanda, and Thor spotted Thanos, no one was really sure what to do. Steve said you all had to keep the stones away from Thanos. You pointed out that nobody knew where they were, and Tony said that could be used to your advantage. At this point it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack, and you all just had to distract Thanos. Pietro argued that it was a trap, why else would he be just sitting there? None of you knew how to respond at first, but when Thor said “let’s kill him properly this time”, something seemed to click.

The lightning drew Thanos’ attention, and he did nothing but watch as the 4 of you approached. From there, the battle really began. The red energy began to glow from your hands, and you were waiting for someone to signal to attack. Thor and Tony were first to strike, with the rest of you quickly joining in.

Thanos grabbed you by your neck and flung you to the side as if you weighed nothing, and you weren’t even able to process what was happening. Wanda, luckily, happened to see what happened and she used your powers to slow you down and gently set you on the ground. Pietro immediately ran towards you, but you assured him that you were fine. You didn’t really know if you were, but you did know that none of them could be distracted trying to save you.

It seemed like it happened in the blink of an eye, Thanos sent Tony, Wanda, and Pietro crashing at the same time, and neither seemed to be moving. Then he went after Thor, and you began to panic. You looked to your left, bending down and picking up the weapon next to you. “Steve!” You yelled, throwing it at him with no warning.

He caught Mjolnir, and when Thor realized what you both could do, he cheered. For at least a solid minute, you all had the upper hand. You and Steve basically threw Mjolnir back and forth, with Thanos in the middle as a sort of punching bag. Nothing could stand in the way of the hammer, so he was knocked down a few times. You raised and quickly slammed it down, causing lightning to erupt all around Thanos. Steve then managed to land a hit directly on him, but Thanos was quick to recover. Mjolnir was sent flying, and as you ran to get it, Steve faced Thanos by himself. You heard the sound of the shield coming apart, breaking as if it were simply made of glass.

You felt yourself getting weaker, but knew you couldn’t give up now. You grabbed hold of Mjolnir, but soon after, fell to the ground. You kept one hand on it though, and tried to pull yourself to a standing position as Thanos gave a big speech about what he was about to do to earth. Finally, you managed, standing next to Steve as you could do nothing but watch as Thanos’ massive army approached. You looked around, and realized that no one was getting up. It seemed to just be the 2 of you.

You held Mjolnir, and Steve held what was left of his shield, both of you limping forward, prepared to fight with only each other as backup. Then… static in both of your ear pieces.

“What the hell was that?” You tapped the piece, wondering if it was malfunctioning. Steve shook his head, not knowing what you all just heard either.

“Cap it’s Sam, can you hear me?” Came out as soft as a whisper. You almost didn’t catch it. “On your left.”

You both turned around, stunned into silence as people began to make their way through portals. But not just anyone. T’Challa, Shuri, and Okoye were first through a portal from Wakanda. Quickly followed by Sam, and then more and more portals began to open. Everyone walked or flew through, and prepared to fight.

You recognized everyone, having known who they were beforehand, or from seeing them on the news as some of the many people who disappeared five years ago. You stumbled, and Steve was quick to reach out and steady you again. You both had smiles on your faces, ignoring the pain and instead focusing on the fact that now, you stood a chance.

Just before Steve yelled out, you handed him Mjolnir, raising your hands and summoning the energy. This time, it was yellow. You had hope.

It was a long fight. You were unsure of how many people you actually managed to take down, once the enemy in front of you fell, you were right on to the next one.

At one point, you ended up with Stormbreaker. You saw it laying on the ground as Thor chose to take someone out the old fashioned way, with just his fists. He shook his head, holding Mjolnir out to you. “No, no you’re little. You take the little one,” you traded and he gave you a smile before taking off running.

What could’ve been minutes, or hours later, you didn’t know because the battle seemed to be lasting a lifetime, a boy you quickly recognized as Peter Parker landed beside you to help you up after you’d fallen.

“Holy cow, you’re really pretty. Are you hurt? You’re bleeding. Oh my God Mr. Stark,” he turned to face Tony, not even taking another breath before he continued on with the same sentence, “you will not believe what’s been going on. Do you remember when we were in space—”

Everything was pretty much a blur from there. As everyone worked together, eventually you, Thor and Steve made your way to Tony as he fought Thanos for the stones.

You were all so distracted by him throwing Carol to the side, that none of you noticed Tony slipping the stones out of Thanos’ glove and putting them on his own suit.

“I… am… Iron Man.”

It wasn’t long until Thanos and his army turned to dust, and you could’ve sworn you saw a sense of… acceptance? On his face just before he disappeared.

“Tony!” You caught him just before he hit a wall, and helped ease him onto the ground. “No, no no you can’t die, you… I’m gonna go back. I should’ve gone back and switched with Nat but I can do it now and… you have to— you can’t leave, Tony.” Your hands shook as you tried to remove the stones from his suit, but he used up what little energy he had left to place his hand on top of yours. When you looked up, all he could do was shake his head and whisper “don’t you dare”.

At Tony’s funeral, you stood behind Happy and Rhodey, between Steve and Peter, as you all said your final goodbyes. Nobody said a whole lot, and there were understandably a lot of tears.

When it was time to return the stones, you’d had nearly 2 weeks to recover, and were pretty much back to normal. Steve volunteered to do it alone, and up until the last second you begged him to let you go with him. It was dangerous, he’d have to go to more than one location, and if there were 2 of you, hopefully that would ensure that all the stones made it back to exactly where they needed to be. He told you that you’d done more than enough, he didn’t want to make you come along on one more journey to return them. But you insisted, pointing out once again that he was the first one to show you genuine kindness, and you’d never forgive yourself if something happened to him while going back in time.

He knew you still blamed yourself for Nat, and although he wasn’t necessarily worried about something happening to him, he was worried about your reaction if something did. So he reluctantly agreed. You quickly suited up, in another new suit that Tony had meant to give to you as a surprise, but Pepper instead gave to you a week after his funeral. He’d modified your suit to act similar to their time travel ones, in the hopes that they’d shorten your recovery time.

It took some discussing, but in the end you and Steve decided to stick together, not wanting to have a greater chance of something happening to one of you if you separated to speed things up. Those that were there all wished you luck, except for one person. Bucky didn’t understand why he couldn’t be the one to go back and help Steve. You missed his glare after he and Steve said their goodbyes and you both pressed the buttons on your suits and went back.

When you got back to 1970, it was only moments after you all left the first time after taking everything. You hoped your disguises were a lot better this time, and you were able to return things to their original places in record time. As you were walking back down the hall to make your way outside again, a hand grabbed your arm and quickly pulled you into a room.

You whipped around, surprised to be face-to-face with Peggy Carter again.

“What are you still doing here??”

After a moment, you realized that for her, only minutes had passed since she helped you sneak out. She probably thought you’d just been here the whole time instead of making your escape.

“No, I—”

“If they catch you, they’ll—”

You held your hands up. “I know. I know it looks bad. But I’ve only just go there, I swear it. We came back to return what we took.”

“We?”

You glanced outside, and saw Steve leaning against a wall, trying to be subtle as he glanced around wondering where the hell you ran off to. Sighing, and hoping this wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass, you quickly opened the door and pulled him into the room.

“Wh- Steve?” Shock was written all over her face. “But… how?”

“I’ll give you two a minute,” you opened the door and stepped into the room that for Peggy, she’d all but pushed you out of just minutes before.

You waited nearly 10 minutes before Steve finally joined you in the other room. One look at him, and you knew before he even said anything. Neither of you spoke as he pulled you in for a hug, thanking you for everything that you’d done. You reminded him that he literally saved your life, and you were the one that should be thanking him.

After a minute, you finally stepped apart. Peggy joined you both, and asked if even you wanted to stay too, adding that she could bring you on as one of her partners, and mentioning that the world now especially, really could use more women in charge. You gave her a hug, saying you appreciated the offer, but this wasn’t your time. Steve gave you one last hug, and then you went back.

When you returned alone, no one understood why. Sam started freaking out about getting Steve back, while Bruce frantically worked to fix what he thought was a mistake he made. Bucky finally approached, not making eye contact with you. He was visibly upset, and instead turned to Sam to ask where Steve was.

You walked away, not having the energy to try and analyze Bucky’s attitude towards you. “Guys,” you called out to them after a moment, pointing at a lone figure sitting on a bench. Sam was first to walk up next to you, and he was confused. He looked at the old man, then back at you. Once you said “Peggy”, his eyes widened as he finally understood. “Go talk to him,” you motioned.

On your way back to talk to Bruce, you shook your head as a sudden headache came on. He asked if you were okay, and you nodded, saying it was just the usual symptoms that came with you having to travel back so far. It wasn’t nearly as bad last time, and you silently thanked Tony for your new suit.

For a while, you continued living with Pepper and Morgan. You offered to leave, but Pepper insisted that they both wanted you to stay, and that if he were still there, Tony wouldn’t have let you leave either. But when she announced that she wanted to move to an apartment because living in the cabin was too much, you decided to move back into the compound.

(Almost) everyone was ecstatic to hear about your return. They missed your cooking, and Sam called you twice to ask if you’d be making dinner for everyone the night you returned.

You didn’t know what would become of you and James, but you weren’t expecting it to be… this. That first night as soon as you walked into the kitchen, while everyone else greeted you with a hug, you noticed him sneaking off to his room, not saying a word to anyone. You brushed it off as him being tired, or maybe he’d already eaten. You asked Sam if he knew what was up, but he just shrugged and told you to give the guy some time.

When you moved back in, you weren’t sure where you were going to go. Since James was obviously back and you didn’t expect to move back to the 4th floor because it was his place first. A few days after that dinner, Wanda and Pietro came over to help you pack up your things. Sam, Bruce, and Rhodey offered to come too, but you pointed out that you didn’t own much and it should all fit in 2 vehicles. A couple of hours later, the last box had been taped shut. You hugged Pepper and Morgan goodbye, the latter making you promise to come over to their place for a sleepover once they settled in.

Once you pulled up to the newly built compound, Sam immediately started helping the 3 of you carry your boxes. When you all got into the elevator and you noticed what button Sam pushed, you nearly dropped the box you were carrying.

“… did you mean to press another floor?”

Sam glanced at the buttons, shaking his head. “Nope. Fourth floor.”

“You do realize that James hates me right?”

“Wow, James huh.”

You failed to resist the urge to roll your eyes. “Well we’re not friends so I don’t think he’d like me calling him Bucky. Why am I going back to that floor Sam? He lived there first. And I think—”

“Relax, it’s fine. All floors are either still being renovated, or they already have two occupants. I’m on the same floor as Bruce, the wonder twins here are sharing a floor, Thor technically has his own floor because Peter’s hardly ever here but it’s still crowded with way too much stuff, and I don’t think you want the floor that the Guardians have been using. They’re not here either, off doing space shit or whatever, but if you go down there it looks like they left behind everything they owned. Barnes is the only one not sharing a floor. He doesn’t have a lot of stuff, and it pretty much looks the same as when you left it.”

“So he said it was okay if I moved in with him temporarily?”

Sam bit his lip, remaining silent as you all got off on the 4th floor and made your way to one end. “I mean, he.. didn’t… say… that it wasn’t… okay?”

You looked at Pietro and Wanda who both suddenly became really interested in trying to remove the tape from the boxes. “Let me guess. Because you haven’t asked him??”

Pietro put an arm around you, leading you back out toward the elevators. “Come on we have lots more boxes to bring up! I thought you said you didn’t have a lot of stuff princess?”

You were grateful that the next 2 hours brought lots of distraction. It didn’t take long to bring the rest of your stuff up, because Pietro loved to show off to you and was able to bring up nearly everything by the time you made one more trip. You then opened the boxes and unpacked them one at a time, deciding this was better than opening everything because you knew your anxiety would creep in and it would all look like too much to do if every single box was opened together.

You took your time unpacking your clothes and what little decor you brought, but a lot of things were kept in boxes, all shoved into the spare bedroom next door. The floor held 4 rooms in total, and you were grateful that Sam at least gave you the one on the opposite end from James. And even though the floor now looked pretty empty, you didn’t want to overstep and make him hate you even more by putting out any of your little decorations.

The first time, you were eager to decorate and make it your own, once you started to come out of your shell. But now, James being there terrified you. He hadn’t once smiled at you, and you didn’t think he’d even said a single word to you now that you thought about it. You didn’t know why he seemed to hate you so much, when you know he had opened up to Sam and started to open up to everyone else, too.

And how could you know? He didn’t tell you that he was angry that you went back in time with Steve. He didn’t tell you that he was upset because he felt like if he had been the one to go back, then he could’ve convinced Steve to come back too. He knew it was selfish, Steve deserved a happy life with someone he loved more than anyone James knew, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t know anything about you, including your past, and how you came to live with the Avengers. And he convinced himself that he didn’t want to know anything about you. All he knew (or thought he knew) was that you were the reason his best friend stayed in the past and left him.

One evening when Steve came to visit everyone at the compound, he noticed that as soon as James entered the living room, you were quick to say you weren’t that hungry and you’d come finish your food later. When he looked over and saw the dirty look James was giving you, it didn’t take long to figure out why. As much as he wanted to tell your story, because he knew it would make him ease up, he didn’t. It wasn’t his place to, at least not without asking you first. So after he quickly finished his food, Steve excused himself from the room and went to go check on you.

You’d locked your bedroom door, but when it opened a few seconds later you stood up in shock. “How the fu—”

“Language,” he shook his head, and was relieved when that got you to smile. “Come on, who do you think was the one that hid all the spare keys?”

“Wait there were spare keys this whole time??” You held your hand out, and he chuckled as he dropped the key into your hand. You put it on your dresser, and turned back around, waiting for Steve to speak first.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on between you and Bucky?”

You raised your eyebrows at him, waiting for a few seconds to see if he’d elaborate. He didn’t. “Umm… nothing? We’ve literally never spoken to each other.”

Steve sighed, feeling torn. “Neither of you have tried to speak to each other?”

You shook your head, standing up and rearranging something on your desk that didn’t need rearranging.

“Buck… he’s been through a lot. And—”

“You don’t have to explain, Steve. I get it. Was I expecting to become best friends? No. But the fact that he can’t even make eye contact with me without looking like he wants to kill me in my sleep is quickly becoming a bit much. Why do you think I left the room so quickly?”

He hadn’t realized it was getting that bad. Last he spoke to his best friend, he downplayed it saying you guys just haven’t really spoken to each other. He made it seem like it was because of your schedules, which seemed odd, given that Bucky wasn’t going on missions yet, and you rarely did.

“I think if you just give him a little time, maybe if he learns about what you’ve been through because I know he’d understand—”

“No,” you shook your head again. “I’m sorry to keep cutting you off, but no. I’m not going to dump my trauma on someone to try and guilt them into becoming my friend. He doesn’t want anything to do with me, fine. Rhodey said it’s just 3 more months of renovations and then I can move to my own floor. So we’re all good, really.”

The sadness in your tone of voice said otherwise.

“You want me to try and talk to him?” Steve hated seeing you like this. Before… everything, happened, despite all that you’d been through, you were one of the nicest people he knew. Fighting alongside you was the first time he saw that side of you. Even way back when he and Nat first rescued you, he could tell you didn’t want that life.

“Thank you, but no. It won’t make a difference,” you shrugged sadly.

As much as he wanted to protest, because he knew there’d be a change of heart, he agreed and promised that he’d stay quiet.

Truthfully, you wondered if part of the reason that James hated you was because of your involvement with New Hydra. You knew he put all the Winter Soldier stuff behind him, or tried to as much as he could anyway, and you wondered if he was so distant because he wanted nothing to do with any of that. You had no idea that he didn’t know any of it.

such a shitty place to cut it off hdfaldkfa BUT like i mentioned this was all originally just 1 big part with 34k+ words so i had to pick somewhere to split the chapters!

#sebastian stan #sebastianstan #bucky barnes #buckybarnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x you #chris evans #steve rogers #captain america #tony stark #iron man #robert downey jr #anthony mackie #sam wilson #the falcon #scarlett johansson #natasha romanoff #black widow #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #elizabeth olsen #quicksilver #pietro maximoff #aaron taylor johnson #peggy carter #thor #chris hemsworth #bucky barnes au

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

I wanna talk about Agent F

nabbed some pics from this post because @monotype-on-phantom has a great collection of background characters (go check their 'background characters' tag for more excellent screenshots!)

but yeah guess what, School Kid 6 Agent F looks just as Definitely An Adult in the show as she does in the game gdksksbj

seems like she's good friends with Star

unfortunately she's also been at the school from the very beginning of the shows which makes the undercover GIW agent story a bit tricky since it pre-dates Phantom's presence

unless her purpose to begin with was to keep an eye on the Fenton kids because the GIW are super interested in the Fenton's work, and maybe they're interested to see if growing up around constant exposure to ectoplasm did anything weird to them

which would actually be super interesting because would she notice when Danny starts developing his powers if that's the kind of thing she's looking for? what if the GIW know that Danny suffers from some mild form of ecto-contamination and is a little Less Than Normal? what would make this super funny tho is if they still don't make the connection that he's Phantom

Wes figures out immediately that Agent F is clearly An Adult and at first suspects that she's an undercover cop (absolutely nobody believes him of course, like the fuck Wes that's Star's friend Felicia she can't be a cop)

but once the ghost shit starts happening and 'Felicia' starts casually pushing anti-ghost propaganda and she seems to know just a little Too Much about ghosts Wes is like 'hang on a minute you aren't a cop YOU'RE A GIW AGENT AREN'T YOU' and then he proceeds to spend the rest of his existence trying to convince her that Danny is Phantom

but she's just not having it, one she won't admit to him that she's GIW and she wants nothing more than to distance herself from this weirdo before he blows her cover, two she doesn't believe a ghost can also be a human, she thinks Danny might have some ghostly attributes but he doesn't set off her ghost radar (he only blips it from time to time which would be expected from someone who's ecto-contaminated), and also she's been watching this awkward geek all year and there's no way this kid could be Phantom

like he gets beaten up by Dash all the time, and he desperately wants to join the popular kids and be a part of that crowd, and keeping his identity a secret would be in opposition to that

also he doesn't flex his new superpowers for attention, he doesn't use them for anything (other than the occasional prank on Dash but he's smart enough to do that when nobody else is around), he doesn't use them to impress Paulina, he doesn't use them to get onto a sports team, he just doesn't use them to increase his popularity at all

an adult looking at this from the outside, an adult with preconceived notions on how dumb and impulsive teenagers are, could not believe that a teenage boy would be able to control that temptation

he's not Phantom, he's just mildly ecto-contaminated, possibly has some minor abilities he either can't control or doesn't realise he has, and that's about it, Phantom is just an ordinary unrelated ghost with no secret identity who just happens to look similar

besides, there have been depictions of Phantom throughout history, long before Danny was born, there were sightings of him at a university in the 80s, in ancient Rome, at the Salem witch trials, he was even found in a drawing from a boy's diary in the 1940s, the more they look the more they find artwork and stories of a being with his appearance or power, too many and too similar to be coincidence

unless Danny Fenton is somehow capable of time travel he couldn't possibly be Phantom

#danny phantom #lula's headcanons #dp ocs #Agent F #wes weston #infinite realms coming in clutch with Danny's best cover story

[forever-rogue]

if you’re still taking requests for Bucky, can you do one from this quote if it sparks any inspiration: ‘when you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can stand in front of them and show yourself and their response is “you’re safe with me” - that’s intimacy.’

A/N: please, this is so soft 🥺

Pairing: Bucky x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: none

MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

A heavy sigh escaped soft lips as Bucky laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling. There was almost no sound in the room besides the rhythmic ticking of the aging clock on the wall, combined with the sounds wafting in from the open window, and the almost non-existent humming of his vibranium appendage. He reached his hand up to his chest to ground himself by touching the dog tags that had been his for way too many years now. A temporary moment of panic set into his bones when he realized there was nothing there, but revelation quickly dawned on him as he remembered that they were currently with you. The last he’d seen them, you were wearing them, the metallic silver tags safely nestled under the soft fabric of your t-shirt.

When he’d given them to you, a sign of his desire to call you his, among other things, he never actually expected that you’d wear them. The first time he’d spied you wearing them, along a casual outfit consisting of jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers, he’d almost short circuited. There was something about comforting knowing they were safe and sound in your possession now. They were yours now too - just like he was.

A gentle tugging lifted the corners of his mouth into the semblance of a smile. How foreign it still felt sometimes, the gentle feeling of blossoming happiness and knowing he was loved. Loved. What a strange and odd concept that was. He couldn’t remember the last another soul had told him they loved him besides in the most platonic sense. But the first time you’d whispered those words to him, so effortlessly, so easily, I love you, his whole world came to a screeching halt and he was sent into a wild spiral that left him speechless. Bucky hadn’t reciprocated your words then; but it wasn’t long after that he did. It had been a half shout, half declaration as you just grinned at him, pulling him against your lips and only letting him go when you were both breathless and dizzy.

He relaxed at the thought, settling against the pillow as he reminded himself to swim in happy memories, rather than drown in the ghosts of the past.

His phone vibrated against the glass top of the coffee table as it startled him out of his stupor, causing him to almost roll off the couch in surprise. He scrambled to grab the phone, and relaxed when he saw your name on the screen. Straightening himself up, he cleared his throat before answering, “hi sweetheart.”

“Bucky!” your excited voice on the other end of the line made his heart relax as he just imagined you bouncing around your small floral shop, making sure everything was perfect, “it’s about time you answered, old man. I’ve called you like three times! Did I disturb your afternoon nap, Barnes?”

“Hey, watch who you’re calling an old man,” he snorted as he stood up and stretched, surprised by how easily you were able to read him, “I got decades on you, kid, respect your elders.”

“Respect me when I’m right,” you grinned as he laughed lightly. How easily everything seemed to flow between the two of you; he’d never thought he could have anything like this again. Even once he’d left Wakanda and life slowly went back to a semblance of normality after the Blip, he still had a hard time trusting people; perhaps, more than anything else, he didn’t trust himself.

While he knew he was himself again, Bucky, and not the Winter Soldier, he still was never quite convinced that he wouldn’t ever go back. For so long he had been nothing but a killer, it was hard to believe that he could ever be fully himself again. So he’d closed himself off, steeled himself, despite the constant reassurance from the people around him that it was okay to let others in. He couldn’t trust himself - after so long...how could he? How was he just supposed to be able to pick the pieces and just be James again?

But he was learning, over time, slowly, bit by bit, that it was okay to let people in, okay to feel, and be okay and also not be okay. Sure, some days were hard, but the good days were good. And they were getting to become more and more frequent.

“Bucky? Hello?” you called his name from the other line, trying to get him to snap back into attention, “James? James Buchanan Barnes?”

“S-sorry,” his voice was soft and gentle for a moment, “I...yeah.”

“Yeah,” you teased softly, “zoning out again huh, my love? I know how you get. What are you thinking about, Bucky?”

“Nothing much,” he admitted, shrugging to himself despite the fact that you weren’t able to see him, “when are you off?”

“Whenever I want to be,” you reminded him, “I’m the boss now, remember? Why do you ask? Got some grand plans for us?”

“Nah,” he confessed, “just want to come and see you. Is it okay if I stop in? I’d come and bring you some flowers...but that would seem a little...on the nose.”

“Ahh, look at you,” he could practically hear you grinning, “very clever, aren’t you? Come and see me - it’s been slow so I might as well close up when you get here. Maybe we can go for a walk and get dinner?”

“Sounds great,” he agreed softly, “see you soon.”

“See you soon, Bucky.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

While you waited for Bucky to arrive, a brilliant idea popped into your head. You quickly grabbed a vase and started to gather some of the flowers that reminded you of him. It wasn’t long before you had a variety of them, neatly arranged and topped off with a bow, ready and waiting for him. He walked into your small shop, ready to announce himself but quickly found that he didn’t have to.You were perched up on the counter, swinging your legs back and forth as you tilted your head to the side and studied him with a small smile. He was dressed casually today, sporting a dark blue henley and a pair of well fitting jeans. His arm, intricate and beautifully designed golden and black vibranium, wasn’t on full display, nor was it completely hidden. Progress; a step in the right direction, albeit small. He’d get there when he’d get there and if that took another five years or fifty, you planned on being there for him.

“Hi James,” you popped off the counter and met him halfway, letting him wrap you up and envelope you in his warm, tight grasp. His arms, his body, was your favorite place to be. You never felt more safe and secure than when you were wrapped up in him, “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed me?” he chuckled as you just nodded, pouting lightly as he couldn’t help but kiss you softly, “it’s only been a few hours since we’ve seen each other.”

“I know,” you ran a hand through his dark hair, “but it doesn’t mean I can’t miss you, does it?”

“I suppose you’re right,” he agreed as you took his hand and pulled him over to the counter. Bucky dramatically rolled his eyes as he trailed after you. Your hand looked so small in his hand; delicate skin contrasted against harsh callouses as you gave him a squeeze of reassurance. Whatever hesitation or tension was left in his body seeped, replaced by a feeling of saccharine bliss, “what are you up to?”

“You always think I’m up to something,” standing in front of the flowers, you paused, studying his features before reaching up to tenderly cradle his face in your hands. Bucky, resilient and strong, turned into a puddle of mush and practical whimpers as you traced a delicate fingertip across his features, “perhaps this time you’re right.”

“Tell me then,” he turned his face, pressing a gentle kiss to your palm as you used your free hand to reach behind you and push the vase to your side so he could see the ornate display. Blue eyes narrowed, highlighting the wary crease in his brow before they widened, softening all the way through. His hand slinked down to your waist, a light squeeze followed as he shuffled to the side and studied the flowers. Bright yellows and oranges, brilliant crimsons and pinks, and mellow pastels were suddenly under his intense scrutiny as he took in the sight of the blossoms, “w-what are these?”

“And here I was, thinking you were smart,” standing behind him, you wrapped your arms around his waist, delicately and slowly at first so you wouldn’t startle him. His frame stiffened for a mere moment before he relaxed, the weight of your head on his back a welcome burden he was happy to bear, “these are called flowers.”

“Very funny,” you could feel the laugh vibrate through his chest as a hand, one colder and more metallic than normal, but still all him, settled on your own. Pressing a line of soft kisses to his shoulders, you listened to the steady beating of his heart, “what’s the occasion?”

“There is none,” you insisted, “I just thought you would enjoy them. Look at the colors and blossoms, they all reminded me of you. So brilliant and warm and bright and lovely - just like you, Bucky.”

A few beats of silence met your ears as he inhaled and exhaled deeply, a million thoughts swirling around his mind. Before you could speak or say anything else, he turned around in your arms so he was facing you. He gestured between you and the flowers for a few moments, finding himself at a loss for words, “me?”

“Yes,” you promised him, “for you. Do you like them?”

“I love them,” he reassured you, an easy warmth settling over you, “back in the day I would have been doing this for you…”

‘You’ve gotten me flowers plenty of times,” you laughed, a sound that had easily become his favorite thing in almost no time, “besides, you deserve some nice things too.”

“I’ve been thinking…”

“That’s a new one,” you teased as he jokingly groaned, “ I jest! I’ve noticed you’ve been a little more quiet and stoic lately...I didn’t even know that was possible for you. What’s been on your mind, my love?”

“There’s this quote that came into mind...I heard it somewhere, but I can’t remember from what or who,” he mused as he rubbed thoughtfully at his chin, “it’s something along the lines of ‘when you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can stand in front of them and show yourself and their response is “you’re safe with me” - that’s intimacy.’ I feel like...I can do that with you - like I can be myself and you’re not judging me, even though you know who I am.”

“Bucky - James - I know who you are,” it was surprising you didn’t melt into a puddle then and there, melting into nothingness at his feet. You leaned in, looking at his eyes for a few moments before capturing his lips in a soft kiss. You broke apart slowly, reluctantly before resting your forehead against his, “I know exactly you who are. And I love you for it - a good man, friend, partner, and so many other things. You are good, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks. Fuck them - the people that know you know who you really are.”

“Even after…”

“Even after everything that’s happened,” you promised, “you are safe with me. I’m not going to suddenly turn my back on you and walk away. I love you, Bucky. You have me, now and forever, and I’ve got you, always. That’s not going to change. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” you could feel him smiling against your lips as he breathed you in and let you overwhelm his senses, “I know that.”

“Good,” you smiled as you reached for his hand, “let’s go to get dinner. I’m starving.”

“Don’t you need to close up?”

“Nah,” you winked at him, “I closed up as soon as we got off the phone earlier so we would have interruptions. C’mon Buck, I’m going to take you for a night on the town! What do you say?”

“Sounds perfect,” he agreed, “there’s just one more thing.”

“Hmm?”

“This,” he pulled you into his arms and kissed you deeply as your body melded into his, “I love you too.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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