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aerowolf · 24 days

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the mercs realize it's your bday and you didn't tell anyone because your family doesn't do birthdays

I’m so sorry this is a mess between British and American english. I have an American parent and a Canadian one so it messed me up lolll

if didn't include a Merc you wanted, feel free to request and I'll try and add them :]

includes: Miss Pauling & offense classes

cute platonic, gn!reader

warnings: n/a, this is basically all fluff

You'd rather not make a big deal of it being your birthday, even though it is you were taught that birthdays aren't a big deal and your family never really did them.

You kind of wish someone would care but you feel guilty about that so you choose not to tell anyone about it

The only one of these who actually knows it's your birthday is Miss Pauling, who’s seen your personnel files

Miss Pauling

She knows it's your birthday, and instead of ignoring it she decides to at least discreetly make it a good day for you

She arrives on base for a routine inspection, clipboard in hand, but once she's done with the main thing, instead of leaving, she comes to your room

"I saw that it's your birthday today. I don't know if you celebrate, or anything, but, uh, I thought you'd like a gift. Maybe."

She hands you a box, inside are some candy bars and a plush of a bear

"I know it's not exactly the nicest thing, and I know it's kinda... stereotypical... but, y'know, I thought you'd like something. So, happy birthday. From me.” She’s really shy about it, you get the feeling she didn’t--probably still doesn’t--really get to celebrate birthdays either.

She offers you a ride on her motorbike, something nice, on the open road--away from this base for a little while. You accept, taking a seat behind her, enjoying the open air--though it is pretty hot out. You guys talk, just enjoying the time.

She smiles at you as you get back. “Happy birthday. You deserve it.”

You thank her and even give her a hug. It’s nice that you got this for once.

Scout

He has no idea whatsoever that it’s your birthday. He’s interacting with you like usual, teasing you, just hanging out. You’re happy as you talk that day; he’s always good at making you laugh and smile.

At some point he notices that you’re a little down, as much as you may try to hide it, he can tell. You’re his friend, and even though he might act like he doesn’t care sometimes, you know he does. A lot.

You tell yourself you don’t want anything on your birthday, that it’s easier if no one knows, but secretly, you do.

“Hey, what’s up? C’mon, ya know I can tell when something’s wrong.”

You tell him it’s nothing.

“You sure? Really? You’re kinda… I dunno, sadder than usual.” After he asks a few times, you finally come out and tell him. You don’t say much. Just “It’s my birthday.”

“No kiddin’? Well, why didn’t ya tell me?” He comes off pretty strong. You feel kind of apologetic for mentioning it, and look away from him. “Aw, hey. Y’know what--it don’t matter. I’m gonna throw you a party like you ain’t never seen, believe me.”

You try to tell him you don’t want a party--well, you do. Maybe. No you don’t. Well, sure. But not a big one. He’s really sweet and enthusiastic about it. “Someone like you deserves a big birthday--but if you don’t want it, dat’s okay. Ya know, we could just hang out, or somethin’. You n’ me, yeah?”

You tell him you’d like that a lot. You both find a quiet spot in the base where you can just talk. He messes around, too, and pops in a Tom Jones record.

He’s a little shy, a little embarrassed, but he even sings happy birthday to you. He just seems glad no one can hear him. He doesn’t have a gift handy for you, but he ends up scribbling you a quick doodle of him telling you happy birthday. It’s misspelt, but the drawing is cute, and you keep it. “I hope ya had a good day. I’m just sorry I didn’t know sooner.” You tell him that it wasn’t his fault, how could he have known?

After all is done, he gives you an awkward hug. You smile and return it.

Soldier

He’s a little crazy so he’s just hanging around base, today he had the idea to strip and cover himself in honey, so everyone has had to convince him to please not do that, and now he’s just moping around, muttering about how anti patriotic this all is.

You sit next to him and mope as well. Unlike him, no one knows the reason you’re moping. To anyone else’s point of view, you’re just comforting him--for whatever weird reason. But he sees that you’re just as sad as him.

“What’s wrong, maggot? Is there someone who needs to see my fists meet their face?”

You tell him no, no one did anything. You’re a little intimidated by him, and you don’t see much reason to tell him anyways. But it’s nice sitting with a friend.

“If it’s not a person, then… it must be an object! Give it to me and I will destroy it immediately.” He’s being as sweet as he can, you smile and shake your head.

You sit there for a bit, smiling as you watch the other mercs come and go. Today isn’t a bad day, just a little sad. Later, you plan to find some kind of sweet treat to eat alone.

Soldier stands up, at attention, and points at you. “MAGGOT, AS YOUR SUPERIOR AND SENIOR, I ORDER YOU TO TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG!”

With a sad smile and a chuckle you finally tell him.

“Your birthday?” Soldier seems genuinely surprised. He places a hand on his chin and thinks. “We cannot go without celebrating! This is momentous!”

Although you try to protest, he turns to the base, stating to every other merc, “LISTEN UP! IT IS Y/N’S BIRTHDAY AND WE WILL CELEBRATE!”

He makes it his personal mission to decorate for a party that very evening, even gets a cake and everything. He makes every other merc sing happy birthday with him. Maybe this isn’t so bad.

You give him a big hug, and he is surprised at first, but proceeds to give a gentle laugh and hug back.

Pyro

You see Pyro colouring with crayons and coloured pencils on their break, and you sit by them. You don’t really understand what they’re saying a lot of the time, but you enjoy hanging out with them. It’s a long period of silence before you join them in colouring. Regardless of your artistic skills, they’re impressed and encourage you, and are very happy when you show them what you’ve been working on.

After a little while you get kind of bored and sad. You’ve tried to enjoy this day but it’s another bittersweet birthday. You’re happy to hang out with Pyro though, even though they don’t know what day it is.

Pyro notices that you’ve stopped colouring with them, and that you’re looking at the ground instead, messing with the cracks in the floor.

“Huddah hrmmf mmmrph?” You don’t understand what they’re saying exactly, but you smile at them. They seem to be asking what’s wrong, why you stopped, why you seem so sad.

You hesitate for a moment before finally confessing. They seem to mostly understand what you mean, and they lean back, thinking.

After a few seconds, they stand up and help pull you off the floor. They point to their room, and you follow them. It’s an odd combination of scorch marks, colourful drawings, weapons, and art supplies. They lead you to a wardrobe and pull out a box.

Surprisingly, you can see that it's fully wrapped. Did they somehow know it was your birthday? Do they keep these gifts on hand for the mercs?

You won’t get an answer, but they excitedly push it out and offer it to you. “Huddah hmmph!” They sound almost like they are smiling behind the mask. You take the box and open it. It’s got crayons, pencils, and… wow, that’s a drawing of you and them.

You smile, almost ready to tear up, and thank them. You give them a hug, and you notice that they’re hugging you back even harder. Maybe they don’t really understand, but this is sweet.

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fightingsnails · 7 months

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Hobie x trans!masc reader

Beach Episode

tea bee ech this is more for me than anyone else a/n: reader wears a binder, I have no idea the weather in the UK nor the situation with beaches. Honestly I didn't know the UK had beaches until heartstopper. bad accent. not proofread

You and Hobie had been friends for a little while now, and you really enjoyed hanging out with him. So when he asked you if you wanted to go to a small beach with him, you felt your heart sink.

Of course you said yes, you really enjoyed the company, and thought that when push came to shove you could own up to it and go to the beach with, knowing that this wouldn't impact your friendship.

But there was that little voice in the back of your head that said otherwise.

You knew he wouldn't care. He was Hobie for crying out loud, one of the most supporting guys you knew, you've even heard him speak out on issues involving transphobia.

But there was the thought that if he knew, he would treat you differently. He wouldn't rough house you, or tease you about issues that guys would usually tease women about, and the rational part of you chalked it up to him not being a mysgonist, but there was still that doubt.

Hell, there was a chance he already knew.

When the two of you had first met, it was just a normal conversation. Then one of his friends had come up and asked for introduction.

"Oi, yeah, t'is is y/n, and they- uh... actually, mind tellin' me whatcha go by, mate?"

Sure, yeah, it was a bit awkward, but him asking you what you go by instead of if you're a guy or a girl was a green flag.

So now you're sitting in your car, beside the beach that you were supposed to be meeting Hobie at. You were fully prepared to go swimming in your shirt and binder, despite knowing better.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when there was a tap on your window, startling you slightly. You whipped your head to face the window, being greeted by Hobie's shit eating grin, clearly satisfied that he startled you.

You opened your door. stepping out and playfully pushing his shoulder.

"You scared the shit out of me." You said, smiling up at him.

He nodded his head, a satisfied smirk still on his face, "Kinda the point, yeah?"

You shook your head, and the two of you began to walk to the beach. This was possibly the most casual had seen the punk, wearing a t-shirt and shorts, exposing his lanky arms and legs. but you decided not to comment on it.

So now your standing feet away from the water. the rhythmic sound of the waves not helping sooth your anxiety in the way you felt like it should. You hear Hobie set his bag down, and after a second you turn to him, seeing him take his shirt off, and you feel anxiety shoot through you.

"You're really going to swim in your shirt?" He asks casually, tossing his next to his bag as he begins to walk towards you. You know he doesn't mean it in a malicious way, but you can't help the way it only makes it more nervous.

"Yeah, I am. I mean it's just... y'know?" You say, crossing your arms over your chest nervously. You wish that you hadn't said that, because you know that just makes you sound guilty for something, and you feel like your suspicion is confirmed when Hobie raises an eyebrow.

"Mate, if your self conscious, y'know I don' care, right?" He assures, coming a bit closer. I mean, you were, but it wasn't in that way, and you felt like if you agreed, you'd be lying to him. Even if you were, there wasn't many people around.

"No, no, it's not that. It's just..." You began, nervously shifting on your feet. Even if you weren't looking at him, you could feel his expression grow slightly worried, and you panicked even more, feeling like you were making a big deal out of something that really shouldn't be.

You buzzed your lips, trying to fill the silence as you thought of your words. "Y'know, like, I guess I just want to take chances on me getting dysphoric." You said, hoping that the phrasing would be subtle enough that if he didn't know what it meant he would just glance over it.

You turned up to him, and you could see the gears turning in his head. After a second he met your eyes and shrugged.

"I mean, I don' really care, but I get it." He said, giving a small, reassuring smile. You felt your nerves soften slightly, thankful that he wasn't making a big deal of the situation.

You couldn't help but smile back, and you gave him a small nod. "Jus lemme know if there's anything I can do, yeah?" He says, lightly punching your shoulder. You can tell that he's trying to soften the tension, and you felt thankful for it.

"Yeah." You replied softly. You were about to drop the subject and step into the water finally, but your mind darted back to the binder your wearing. You know you're not supposed to get it wet, and the thought of the constriction around your chest getting tighter didn't seem very pleasant.

"Actually..." You began, and you felt bad for taking his attention again, but when he turned back to you, you could tell that he doesn't mind. Hobie was always the person who didn't seem to mind helping people, and you tried to keep that in mind while you talked to him.

"I want to, y'know, do what we came here to do, swim, but I'm kinda... binding." You continued, and you could see that the second the words left your mouth, he was already thinking of a solution.

After a second of him thinking, you were about to tell him to drop it, but he began to speak, "You could always jus' wear my shirt, if ya want, not really scared 'bout gettin' wet. Should be big on ya, if you're worried about tha' sorta thing."

You couldnt help but smile again, and you nodded your head. "Yeah! Yeah. That'd be great." You said, nodding your head again. He smiled back at you and he turned to go fetch you his shirt.

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lunaviee · 1 year

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personal heater

suna rintaro x reader

tags/warnings: fluff, suna and reader are not yet in a relationship, though they do like each other, out of character?, i suck at tagging

synopsis: while only intending to warm his hands, you seem to have made his heart flush as well

authors notes: okay so this is also based off of me..umm...ANYWAYSS i tend to run really warm and so many people come to me to warm their hands so i just kinda thought this would be cute LOL also, this is just smth i wrote throughout the entire day, so if it’s bad i’m sorry and imma write more i promise

word count: ~1.1k

early mornings breezes are nice. the sharp, cool winds against your cheeks caused them to turn pink. though, you enjoyed the cold. you ran warm anyway so winter was a nice change from the sticky summer

you’re met with people taking off scarves and gloves to protect them from the frigid temperatures as you walk into your classroom. friends huddled together by their seats to preserve their warmth, hugs and holds are shared to maintain their flushed features. these kinds of moments warmed your heart, especially because your own friends were guilty of clinging to you, taking advantage of your comfortable body temperature. being labeled as their “personal heater”, the hands of your friends were always in yours, their frozen palms melting in your warm ones

unfortunately, none of them shared your first class with you, so they’d have to wait a bit to regain the feeling in their fingers. you noticed that class didn’t start for another few minutes, deciding to take this time to rest just a while longer. your cheek was squished against your palm, supported by the arm that rested on your desk. it was only a matter of seconds before your eyes fluttered to a closed state, evening your breathing out. as loud as the classroom was, you managed to tune most of it out to get just a few seconds of tranquility

though, your calm moment was soon interrupted by your desk mate shuffling his way to his seat, “morning..oh sorry did i wake you?” he questioned, softer than usual

“hm? no you’re fine don’t worry, i shouldn’t fall asleep this early anyway” a breathy laugh escaped your lips

man, the things he’d do to hear that laugh more often…

luckily, the coldness outside had caused his cheeks to dust pink, hiding the blush that was creeping up his face. “don’t worry, i sleep in this class all the time, and i end up fine don’t i?” he teased, slouching in his chair in the process. you laughed again, this time grabbing your phone instead of lying back down

you didn’t realize, but you soon began to think more about the blocker sitting next to you..

suna rintaro; a second year you’ve known for a little over a year. his seat next to you in the early mornings helped with forming your friendship, enjoying each others company

he weaseled his way into your contacts by his constant asking for the notes you had taken, he was too bothered to take any himself. his dumb videos and jokes made you smile, along with his stupidly cute face

your daze was soon broken by the school bell, indicating that people had 5 minutes to get to class. your gaze shifted to suna’s hands, they fidgeted with each other, attempting to be stuffed in his hoodie pocket. he was cold. the thought of his hand intertwined with yours made you even warmer than normal. you hesitated to speak up, but it’s not like the teacher could call you out yet, class didn’t start for another 4 minutes

“uh..are you cold?” your voice laced with hesitation. you hoped the pink flush on your face wasn’t too obvious, you’d rather be dead that have him know about your feelings. “oh uh yeah” he laughed “i should be fine though after ab-“

you cut him off, “i can warm your hands for you” you stated, now worrying you had been a bit too forward. “you sure? you don’t have to i mean-“ his gaze shifted around the room, he was nervous?

“of course i’m sure! listen, my friends call me their personal heater, and i hold that title pretty well..soo can i warm your hands?” you held your hands out, indicating he should do the same. the proud glint in your eyes paired with the eagerness to hold his hand made suna’s heart rate skyrocket. he was positive that his blush was apparent, though yours was just as bright

“alright then, work your magic” he placed his phone down and gave you his right hand, a curious smirk plastering his face. his slightly calloused hand rested on yours as you held them close, your heart rate accelerating. “jeez dude are you always this cold?” you joked, hoping the twinge of nervousness didn’t shine through too much.

with the last bit of confidence you had, you laced your fingers with his, using your free hand to transfer more of your warmth to him. “not always,” he replied, “but hey, at least now i have my own personal heater right?” he moved his chair closer to yours, knees almost touching. you bit down on your lip as an attempt to fight back the large grin on your face. “i guess so..” your hands continued to roam his own, going from one hand to the other to maintain his warmth

the silence between you two was comfortable. him studying the way your fingers grazed upon his hands, hoping you wouldn’t notice how much he was blushing. your hands were soft, much softer than his own, your hands felt like silk running across his palms

the two of you stayed like this for a while longer, hands and hearts heating up with each second that passed. the final bell ringing made your heart sink a little bit, though, suna’s grip on your hand only tightened. you look at him curiously, an uncharacteristically small pout formed on his lips

“can we stay like this just for a bit longer?” he whined, “you can still take notes like that can’t you? i don’t want my hands to get any colder” it was obvious he was lying just to keep you from pulling away, but it’s not like you’d say no to him anyway. “yeah alright whatever you dork, you’d ask for them whether you held my hand or not” a smile finding its way back to your face

and so that’s how the rest of the class went, hands tangled with each other under the table. a glint of disappointment glazed his eyes as the bell rang for the end of class, his hand already felt colder when it left yours. a sympathetic smile tugged at your lips as you turned back to him, “don’t get too cold, yeah? i’ll send you the notes later” you nodded your head as a farewell of sorts

suna’s mind was racing, maybe he’d have to get cold more often. this would naturally become a routine for you two everyday

he could get used to mornings like these

I HOPE THIS IS OKAY HHHH i just really wanted to write something but this seems like not good so feedback is appreciated😓 i think i’ll have the nagi one finished by the end of the week and i’ll make another haikyuu one and maybe a bsd one if i feel like it LOLL

written by lunaviee feb 2023, please do not repost, copy, or translate any of my works.

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #suna rintarou #suna rintaro fluff #suna rintaro x reader #suna rintarō #rintaro suna #✩ vie writes

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hannahbanana29 · 1 year

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Enha - When they're jealous pt1

I'M SORRY but I'm one of those girls who likes jealous guys 😢 I'm a lil ashamed 😔 SO let's share my shame together 🤗

So this is the Jungwon version. I'm gonna do him, then Heeseung, Jay, Jake, etc separately. Hope you enjoy! Remember this is all fictitious, so it's not real, but you can also request any particular things that you want me to write ❤️

YANG JUNGWON

Jungwon doesn't strike me as an insanely jealous person tbh

But

He's a loving guy, and he really loves YOU

He isn't insecure about your relationship! Which is exactly what you wanted: a confident relationship ❤️

And as much as Jungwon wanted that too, he thinks that your guy friends make that very difficult to enjoy 😤

Your male friend........ What should we call him......... A douche bag sort of name......

🎉Brad🎉

(I don't mean to offend anyone named Brad, but we know the stereotype 😢

You and ✨Brad✨ had known each other longer than you and Jungwon had done

But your bond with Wonie was stronger than any you'd had before, and not once did you think of ever going out with ✨Brad✨ 🤮 he's THAT guy - the one who makes you question why you're his friend, but then he does sumn stupid and funny and you remember why 🤧

And you'd told Jungwon abt him, so our sensible boy had a wavering opinion on ✨Brad✨

You mention a night out with ✨Brad✨ and Jungwon isn't a huge fan on the idea, but understands you guys are friends

He won't get in the way...

But his pouty face will.

Boy is determined

Gamer cat face on

When he says goodbye, he doesn't mean it 😈 he has a sneaky plan to at least TRY and get you to stay w him instead of ✨Brad✨

"Okay Wonie, I'm gonna go now, okay? I left that movie I bought you on the coffee table!" You say to him, dressed up for the night of fun and ready to go

"Alright, but wait a moment! I wanna say goodbye to you properly." He calls back, and you hear him jogging over from the bedroom

🤔 Suspicious. PROPERLY? What does that mean?

*Jungwon's killer smile*

You wait at the door, a little confused.com

Jungwon walks over quickly, and doesn't hesitate when he locks his arms around ur waist and squeezes

It's an award-winning hug, ngl

Your head in the crook of his neck, him talking into your hair as he whispers the most GORGEOUS goodbye

It's like Rose saying goodbye to Jack 😭

"Jagiya," He says, "have your fun, okay? Be careful, for me, please, and I'll be home waiting for you."

Don't laugh at me for crying

But it doesn't end there

Jungwon thought he had you right then and there

But HOW PERFECT WAS THIS BRAD??

You were touched by his goodbye, the sweet, sweet sentiment he had given you in that small embrace

But you'd made plans 💁‍♀️

So, Jungwon changes his mind. Rather than hinting to get you to stay, was gonna be straight up abt it 💅

"Okay Won 😊 tell me how the movie is once you've finished it!"

UH, BISH, NO- HE WANTS YOU TO STAY

"But yeobo," He says, "why don't we watch it together instead? I won't give you spoilers that way" He smirks cheekily

"Uhmmm"

Okay, ✨Brad✨ isn't your best friend. But he's fun, and he's not BAD

You'd feel guilty by bailing on him, yk? And you could watch the movie with Jungwon once you get back, right?

Jungwon is having NONE 👏 OF 👏 IT👏

He kind of makes your decision for you?

Puts your bag down, then holds you in his arms again

"No, it'll be much more fun with you. I can order us some ramyeon and we can cuddle up on the couch. Yeah, sound good?" 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

When you still have a guilty look on your face, he sighs and makes a whiny noise

"I want you to stay. Please." He tries one last time, kinda quiet bc he's outright admitting his clinginess

You brush a hand through his hair and smile. Your boyfriend is SO CUTE

You can see right through his antics

"Okay, let me just text Brad-"

"No, he can figure it out himself."

#enha reactions #enha fanfic #enhypen #enhypen fluff #jealousy #enha imagines #yang jungwon #lee heeseung #park jongseong #sim jake #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #nishimura riki

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somewhereinthepines · 2 years

Note

Thank you for such a detailed answer to my ask regarding Chris's reaction to Laura biting Ryan! It gave me so many questions about what you'll decide to do in the story (being pre-game) but I think I'll just wait for the chapter to come out and enjoy finding out as I read! (If you can't tell, I'm very excited!)

Also, I'm curious: In your response, it sounded like Chris would murder Laura as his human self rather than mindlessly kill her as a werewolf. What state of mind would he be in? In ASB there are a lot of moments where Chris struggles with guilt (which is written really well btw). Would he have a lot of internal conflict over killing Laura or do you think she pushed him too far after hurting the people he loves to the extent that she did?

haha, no problem! i’d love to chit-chat about those two any time. and well, i can’t say much about the last chapter atm, bc i love it, when people sort of go in blind (past hints in the tags), but as i promised to a few people, this fic won’t be a death fic or like too heavily canon events related. and i’m happy to hear it! hope, that you will enjoy the final part of this story too!

yeah, i kinda think, that he would snap at her as a human. bc if he did it as werewolf, it would have been a bit less personal, since animals can understand only that much lol. and tbh, they didn’t striked me as hella intelligent species in the game, so i doubt that in werewolf form, chris would have made so many connections as to why, he’s angry at laura. vs just being feral and wanting to kill everything.

but mm, i think that it would have been a moment of his actual breakdown. like if he woke up with so much mess on his hands, i imagine, that as he’d be stuck with realization that not only had he fucked up (failed to keep conselors safe), but that it all also might be in the open now too (murder coverage and such). and then, it also depends on how many people chris himself would have ended up killing. like his parents, bobby. and okay, uh, let’s imagine that at least half of counselors dead as well (technically, he would assume that it his fault, even if it’s jacob’s really lol), his parents/his brother are dead or all 3 of them are, ryan was endangered and STILL a werewolf, just as cursed as chris is. and then, kaylee is dead. i can’t see him taking it well. i can’t imagine him letting laura live after that. part of it will be his fault, naturally. he’d know, that part of it always, always going to haunt him, but then, laura also guilty. for so many things, really. for not simply driving to a motel, that night. for not caring enough to actually learn, who the first wolf was, simply assuming that it was chris, and going after him. instead killing his daughter. she’s also guilty for sort of being a reason why ryan would go with her. ryan, who got stabbed, bit and who saw the absolute worst side of chris, who he assumed was such a good man. so in a moment, from chris’s devastated and enraged perspective, it would be all her fault. in that single moment, i imagine that nothing would feel more justified to him, than shooting her with silver or snapping her neck. i think, that it would be murder in a fit of anger. an impulse. and since chris is still a werewolf, he’d be more aggressive as well, so no chance to sit back and think about it, bc there isn’t anything to think about for him. kaylee, his child, was killed by some chick, who didn’t even bother to make sure, that she killed the right person.

and at that point, chris literally had lost it all, basically. he failed everyone and what is one more murder to the whole bunch, that he commited already? the guilt would come after, but less so the sentiment of killing laura tbh. more just, that he did an awful thing again and it won’t fix anything. and realistically, while games/media love doing the whole ‘accepting that someone had no other choice, but to kill someone who you had loved’, well, irl this reasoning won’t stick. it would be meaningless and unacceptable either way.

hope, that it anwsers it, haha.

#asks #quarry

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mrfoox · 3 years

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'so what would you like to do (as work)? If you could get to do anything, without anything holding you back?'

Me, sweating bc I haven't dreamt of a job since I was 7 and wanted to be a dentist: haha

#miranda talking shit #My therapist really is trying but honey... I havent decided if i want to be alive yet....#'uh... Nothing ... My solve reason id ever work would be from guilt and necessity. I have nothing id want to do. I dont WANT to finish #High school but it is basically an requirement for any low paying job here so its basically a given... I myself have no want or drive to #Work or study (: (i can barely force myself to do things i enjoy and struggle greatly with basic things like food exercise and balance irl)'#First time ive ever admitted i dont actually WANT to do anything lmao... Every offical person and even my mom i just say i guess i want to #Finish high school.... Just so they get some answer and think a little more of me lol #The older i get the more honest im becoming and the more depressing my existence is....#'miranda you have on paper by doctors that you are depressed and too sick to work and is allowed to be home . Its not something you should #Be ashamed for. Youre not doing anything wrong its just how it is right now. You have the right to do that ' haha... Ok but we both know im #Hogging tax payers money and should have been eliminated long ago but okay haha #Mentioned like... Another type of therapy where one goes out to do things they want to do and then will be able to get energy to do things #They dont want to do (chores etc etc) and im like... Uh... Ok but i feel too guilty to even play video games which is my hobby and when i do #I kinda just feel guilty instead of enjoying it uh... But ...... Uh.... Yeah #Everything just tires me. Like the idea of some kind of work or even just events to go out of the house just sounds exhausting #Like that would be like the school environment which i have always struggled with! Even if school had no grades and was all just a place kid #Went to hang out I'd not want to go. Id be uncomfortable and still feel like shit. Less like shit but still shit?#And its hard to explain to people bc theyre like ah yes you struggle with the expectations set on you only i see #Like naw dawg i have to perform socially and be in an uncomfortable environment for 6+ hours and have to be on guard every minute #Among 95% of people i dont like or want to be around AND THEN forced to work and concentrate and shit #The situation in itself is just . .. Awful. I never did great in school but i still passed with at least E-D in all subjects... And that #I did without like... Doing any research or homework one need to 'study' for... Because i tried it for one period and none of my teachers #Seemed to notice it and i didn't do better so like... Why spend 90% more of your mental energy if the end results is still the same as when #You just swing it? Im not smart and im sure i could 'do better' and manage something if i actually wanted to do it or someone helped me #But like that ship has sailed. I got way off track and lost my point but uh i just ... Hate the social aspect of school and since our sociey #Is mostly built in that way unless you work at some small business or such its uh... I cant see myself ever enjoying working...#Negative

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sugawaraxo · 4 years

Text

DOING THE GIVING HEAD PRANK ON THE KARASUNO BOYS (PT.2)

warnings: kinda smutty

characters: shoyo hinata, tobio kageyama, daichi sawamura, koshi sugawara, ryu tanaka, asahi azumane, kei tsukishima, yu nishinoya, tadashi yamaguchi

find pt.1 here

hinata

- hinata asks you to help him practice spiking since you’re actually pretty decent at setting, despite you not playing volleyball

- it’s not your favorite thing to do, but you help him because he’s your boyfriend and you love him

- but you figured if he was gonna force you to set for him for hours on end, you would at least have some fun with it

- you purposely mess up a set so that it lands nicely right in between you and him

- you knew he’d try and pick it up, so you just had to be faster

- before he could get the ball, you were already kneeling down so you could pick it up

- now your short boyfriend looks a bit taller, hovering over you in your spot on the floor

- he looks down at you as if he’s waiting for you to get up, but you don’t

- instead you move your head terribly close to his crotch and smile

- “i- y/n? you, you wanna do that here? in the gym? anyone can walk in.” he says nervously

- you giggle at his adorableness

- “no bub, i’m just picking up the ball.” you say

- he immediately goes red

- “hey! you know what you were doing.” he pouts

- you just laugh and give him a kiss on the cheek before continuing to set to him

- and since you feel bad, you give him a little treat when you get home ;)

sugawara

- he’s typing away on his computer, writing an essay that’s due the next day

- the two of you are sitting at the kitchen table, him typing and you eating

- his brows are furrowed in concentration, he looks stressed

- and that sparks an idea in your head

- somehow you manage to sneak your way under the table without him noticing

- he’s just THAT concentrated

- and you find yourself in between his legs

- he jumps at the sudden feeling of someone pressing themselves up against him

- he glances under the table at you and chuckles

- “y/n, why are you under the table? what are you- oh.” sudden realization hits your boyfriend last minute and he raises his eyebrows

- “are you trying to give me a blowjob? because i could use one right about now.” he sighs as he sits back, waiting for you to take over

- you felt bad deceiving him like this, knowing how much he would enjoy being relieved by you right now

- but you carry through with your plan

- you move your hands that were placed on his legs up and down his thighs lightly before bending down

- he closes his eyes, anticipating for you to unbutton his pants or something

- but instead you come back up with a pencil in hand

- “just getting this pencil that you dropped for you.” you smile as you hand him the pencil and sit back down in your chair

- he just looks you up and down in amusement and you laugh

- “hm, laugh all you want. it’s funny that you think you’re gonna get away with this.” he smirks

- and suddenly you’re quiet

-knowing damn well that when suga is done with that essay, you’re done for

tanaka

- you and tanaka are friends special friends

- friends with benefits if you will

- you guys are always hanging out with each other, and every once in awhile, you get a little frisky

- so it’s not unusual for you to just get on your knees and suck tanaka off whenever you please

- he enjoys it

- you enjoy it

- it’s a win win

- but you’ve never not gone through with it, so you can’t wait to see his reaction when you trick him

- the two of you are in the car, going to get some food

- he’s driving and you’re sitting in the passenger seat, plotting your prank

- he’s in the middle of telling you a story that quite frankly has lost your interest, so you decide that now is the perfect time

- you begin putting your hair up in a messy bun, and he gives you a look

- he knows exactly what that bun is for

- “oh shit. road head?” he smirks and is clearly getting excited

- you say nothing, just lean over towards him and he moves his arm so you could have better access

- you fidget around with his pants, him not being able to look at you because his eyes are focused on the road, before finding what you were looking for

- “aha, got it.” you say as you pull his wallet out of his pocket

- “mind if i borrow a dollar?”

- “are you serious?” he looks at you all frowned up, his tone half disappointed and half confused

- you start laughing at him and he just grunts

- “i really thought i was finally gonna get some road head.” he pouts

- “oh what a big baby, you’ll get over it” you tease

- “fine, no food for you.” he retaliates

- “wait no, i take it back.”

- “then suck.” he orders, gesturing to his member and you happily oblige

tadashi

- you know that tadashi has a crush on you

- like a huge crush

- but he doesn’t know that you know

- so you use this knowledge against him

- you tutor him every wednesday because he struggles a bit with chemistry

- ironically enough

- and you can’t help but notice how flustered he gets around you

- so you being the terrible person you are, plan to use this against him

-and he just made it so easy for himself

- he accidently spilled some of the food he was eating in his lap but hasn’t noticed, so you began executing your plan

- “hey tadashi, stand up.” you say somewhat assertively

- “why?” he questions

- “just stand up”

- he submissively follows your instruction

- “i don’t understand what you want me to stand for. is the supposed to help-”

- he notices where your eyes are focused, right on his crotch and he immediately blushes

- “oh, y/n...i’ve never done this before. you can do it, but i-i’m a little nervous.”

- your heart SINKS

- he’s so precious

- and now you feel guilty, so you kind of go along with it rather than tricking him

- “well umm, you just made a mess on your lap. i wanted to know if you’d let me help get it off.” you say softly

- he looks down at himself then back to you and nods with a shy “yeah”

- you lightly brush the mess off his crotch with your hand, but even just that light touch makes him tense up

- after that you end up tutoring him in something neither of you expected you to

nishinoya

- nishinoya LOVES going down on you

- like that’s definitely up there on his top ten list of things he loves most in this world

- but even more than that

- he LOVES when you go down on him

- shit absolutely destroys him and you love it because usually, he’s the one destroying you

- so when you see a tiktok of this trend, you absolutely HAVE to try it

- you start as soon as you wake up

- positioning yourself as if you’re about to give him head, but just end up grabbing the remote on the dresser beside him instead

- he rolls his eyes but says nothing in response, so you do it again later

- you’re both in the pantry, looking for snacks

- you slowly go down on your knees and he prepares himself again

- but you just grab a bag of chips from the bottom shelf and stand up

- he huffs at you and rolls his eyes again, but still no response which makes you laugh but also makes you somewhat frustrated

- you try for the third and final time but before you could even go through with it, he places his hand on your neck and pushes you up against the wall

- “you think i don’t know what you’re doing? your little tiktok prank? well it’s not gonna slide baby, you’re not gonna get away with teasing me like that.” he smirks

- you gulp

- uh oh

- nishinoya usually isn’t very rough

- but every once in awhile something sets him off, like you just did

- and you just know you aren’t gonna be able to walk tomorrow

- you were right

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years

Text

If I Fell For You (Part 10) - Take Care

Summary: The reader gets to meet Danneel’s parents in a somewhat unorthodox way but receives a warm welcome to her surprise. Meanwhile, a minor medical scare makes Jensen anxious that he takes too much and doesn’t give enough to the reader...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Square: Playing With Their Hair

Word Count: 4,800ish

Warnings: language, minor frightening situation, minor medical situation, anxiety

A/N: Please enjoy! Also written for @supernatural-jackles Tell Me A Story Bingo...

________

One Week Later

“Y/N, can we get orange?” asked Arrow from where she sat in the shopping cart. She pointed at the tubes of frosting and you took one off, handing it to her as you went back to searching for a box of red velvet mix.

“Come on,” you sighed, squatting down. You saw one shoved in the back and you bent down, reaching back to get it. You huffed when you pulled it back, the expiration date still plenty good. “Score. Okay Arrow what other color…”

She wasn’t in the cart anymore as you stood, her bright pink shirt and shorts nowhere in sight.

“Arrow!” you shouted, people from the farther end of the aisle turning to look at you. You breathed hard and spun around, exiting the aisle and looking at the checkouts. “Arrow!”

“Mam,” said a man in a white dress shirt and slacks, walking over with a headset on.

“I had a little girl with me and she’s missing and she was in the cart and I would have heard her climb out,” you said, walking quickly, the man following with you as you checked down aisles. “Arrow!”

You heard the guy talk into his headset when you caught pink and a guy near the front of the store. She spun around and you ran over, the manager not too far behind you. You didn’t say a word when you kicked the back of the guys knee and grabbed Arrow, picking her up.

“What’d I do?” he said, Arrow turning away. He looked more angry than you were expecting and you swallowed, the manager urging you back. “She’s the one that took my granddaughter!”

“She’s not your fucking granddaughter, pervert. I’m her nanny and soon to be step-mom so you can back the fuck off.”

“Step fucking what?” he said, his face going blank.

“Grandpa I told you Y/N’s my friend,” said Arrow. You blinked and stared at the man.

“Prove it,” you said. The man angrily pulled out his wallet and ripped out a picture, turning it around. It was a large group photo but you could clearly see Jensen and the kids in it along with… “You’re her father. Danneel.”

“Who the fuck are you,” he said. You took out your phone and went to your pictures, showing him one of your backyard bonfire from the weekend before.

“Is there a problem?” asked the manager. You shook your head and he rolled his eyes and left.

“Sir, I’m so sorry,” you said. He nodded and glanced down.

“Well, I can’t blame you. I understand the feeling,” he said.

“Can we...talk?” you asked.

“I think that’d be best before somebody else gets their ass kicked.”

Fifteen minutes later you had your bag of baking supplies in your trunk, Arrow was playing on the jungle gym and you were sat at a picnic table with Danneel’s parents.

“You guys came down early for JJ’s birthday, huh,” you said.

“We had to come down this weekend instead. Something came up last minute next week,” said her mom. You nodded and took a deep breath.

“I am so sorry. That is absolutely not how Jensen and I wanted to tell you both.”

“I’m old but I’m tough. I’ll survive,” said her father. You looked over to where Arrow was playing, gnawing on your bottom lip. “You said you were the nanny and soon to be step mom. Mind unraveling that for us?”

“I uh, I started working for Jensen in January as a nanny to help with the kids. The relationship part came a few weeks later. We’ve been engaged very briefly. Don’t even have a ring or anything yet,” you said, shaking your head. “Please don’t be mad at him. It’s taken him so long to stop feeling guilty for having feelings for me. Please don’t be upset with him. I don’t...I’m not trying to replace anyone or anything. I didn’t want to like him. But I did and I love him and he deserves to be happy again.”

They looked at one another and back at you.

“Good,” they both said.

“Excuse me?”

“We think he deserves to be happy too. He was in such a bad place after the accident,” she said. “He’s sounded like himself again recently.”

“Plus if you’re willing to kick my ass for thinking I took Arrow, that gets you some brownie points,” he said with a smile. You nodded and looked down at the table, swallowing. “Not what you were expecting?”

“Your daughter’s husband is engaged to a younger woman. I wouldn’t blame you at all for whatever you might think,” you said.

“He’s got a lot of time left,” he said. “He doesn’t have to be miserable for it. We don’t want that for him. It’s not what she’d want. He’s doing exactly what she’d want from him and that’s all we can ask of him. Well and maybe stick around the country for a bit so we can see the kids some more.”

“Yeah, no plans to be anywhere but home right now,” you said. You looked over at Arrow and watched her jump off a high platform. She fell down to her knees but got up and brushed them off before she was running again.

“She’d like you,” you heard, your attention going back to the two of them. She was staring at you and you smiled.

“You don’t know a thing about me mam.”

“I think we know the important parts,” she said. You nodded and glanced down. “What do Jensen’s parents think of all this?”

“They know he’s dating but that’s it. I’m supposed to meet them next week,” you said.

“We’ll keep our lips sealed for the time being then,” she said. “What about your folks? What do they think of Jensen and the kids?”

“The kids probably haven’t met either parent yet, right?” he said.

“It’s kinda complicated...I was adopted. My mom died a long time ago. I don’t have a dad or family really,” you said. You pursed your lips and picked at the corner of the table with your fingernail, the air heavy.

“Well we approve of him,” he said. “He’s a good kid.”

“I know. He’s very special,” you said. “I just wish something so horrible didn’t have to happen to him and your daughter in order to meet him.”

“We can’t change that fact,” she said. “She’d want you to take care of him, keep an eye on him. Oh and remind him to take a break and slow down every once in a while. He always gets so caught up in work and being on the go. She had to calm him down sometimes.”

“I have noticed that trend,” you said. “I hope you don’t feel like he’s going to forget-”

“No we don’t worry about that. If we learned anything from this it’s just that you have to live while you have the chance,” he said as Arrow ran over.

“Y/N, I’m hungry,” she said.

“Alright, munchkin. Why don’t we head home and maybe your grandma and grandpa will have lunch with us?” you asked.

“We’d love to,” they said. “We’ll meet you two there.”

“That went shockingly well,” said Jensen late that night when you were having an extra slice of JJ’s early birthday cake. “Those guys loved you.”

“I think we both got a little too worried over the parents situation. Dee’s parents were great, especially considering I nearly broke his knee. I’m really excited to meet yours next weekend.”

“It’s not too long of a drive up there. I haven’t been home in a long time. I’m looking forward to it too,” he said, a big smile on his face. “I’m really glad they liked you.”

“What’s not to love?” you said, Jensen smirking around his piece of cake. “You’re so hard on yourself. I’m really happy they like me too but even if they didn’t, there’s no problem there. You’re allowed to live your life. Dee wants you to keep living it.”

“I still wonder if she was just like ‘this boy is driving me nuts again, he needs a girl,’ and somehow shoved you into my life,” he said.

“Maybe. I mean, it was good timing that I was looking for a new job the same time you were looking for a nanny.”

“Did you ever report that last guy as an inappropriate employer?” he asked.

“I tell the agency but nothing criminal no. I mostly feel sorry for the families. Nannies are stability in the kids lives and leaving them isn’t easy. Unless they’re little shitheads but even then I don’t blame them, it’s the parents that turned them into it,” you said.

“What’d you think of those three, when you met ‘em I mean,” he said.

“They’re all a little shy like you but they open up if they like you. They’re pretty damn funny. They got wit and sarcasm, even if they don’t know it yet. They’re kind and intelligent and they look to you in how to act like most kids. I knew they were good kids from the start.”

“You’re gonna be a great mom,” he said. You smiled and watched him eat a piece of cake, Jensen tilting his head. “You know they have called you mom before. All three of them. Accidentally but still.”

“Being a nanny has some of the roles of a parent but there’s still a difference,” you said.

“Yeah but you’ve never just been the nanny,” he said, scraping up some frosting with his fork. “Speaking of your sudden thrust into motherhood, the whole kids thing...how many of your own were you thinking of?”

“I don’t know. I don’t need to make a baby to love it. I was adopted and my mom loved me so much. I mean there’s already three of ‘em to chase after.”

“I’d like to have a baby with you. Someday,” he said. You dabbed your finger across some frosting on the plate and sucked on it, staring at him. “I know you do. Y/N there’s no more secrets. There’s never gonna be a secret between us ever again. Sometimes you get nervous but we have to talk about these things and everything. The big choices and the little ones we make together.”

“Honestly? I don’t want you to think I’ll love them less than a kid I make. I won’t. I will treat them all the same but I don’t know how to prove that to you.”

“You told me the day I hired you that I needed to hire someone I could trust, that trust was going to be so important. Y/N, I’ve never doubted your feelings for them. Shit, I’m pretty damn sure you were in love with them before me. And I get it because they aren’t scary. They can’t hurt you like the adults can. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I had a shred of doubt.”

“I gotta think about kids more I guess. How many, when. I don’t know that right now.”

“We’ll figure out all that when we’re ready. Just let me know and we’ll come back to this conversation,” he said, wrapping an arm around your waist. “You know...hearing about what you did at the store...that’s kinda super attractive you know.”

“Uh what?” you said, Jensen pulling you into his lap.

“You, going protective badass...that’s very, very hot you see,” he said.

“You’re such a guy,” you said while he picked up the last piece of cake on his fork.

“Well we-” he said as you leaned forward and wrapped your lips around the dessert, pulling back with a smile. “Oh you shouldn’t have done that.”

“What are you gonna do about it?” you smirked. He narrowed his eyes and set his fork down before he was standing and flipped you over his shoulder. “Jensen! Put me down!”

“Do the crime, do the time!” he said, walking over to the stairs. “Hm...what to do with you...ah I know…”

“You know…” you said before he flipped you down onto the couch and plopped down on top of you, catching most of his weight on his hands on either side of you. “Troublemaker.”

“You love it,” he said. He leaned down and kissed you, your hands wandering to his hair, holding him close. You grinned and wrapped your legs around his waist, Jensen kissing you sloppy and cheeky and like a teenage boy making out for the first time.

“Dad,” said JJ, rushing down the stairs. He dropped this forehead to yours and sighed.

“What is it?” he asked. He sat up and you both looked at her, spotting the pale tint of her skin. “Feel okay?”

“Jensen call an ambulance, now,” you said, pushing him off and going over to her. He sat up and you kneeled down next to her, her lips slightly blue. You put a hand on her chest and felt the labored breathing. “Did you eat something new tonight? Or did a bug bite you?”

“I stepped on a prickly in the bathroom a minute ago,” she said.

“Jesus,” said Jensen as he rushed into the kitchen. “She got stung by a scorpion.”

He grabbed a bottle from the cabinet and started unscrewing it.

“Jensen go see what the scorpion is and get rid of it before the twins find it,” you said. He left the bottle with you and shoved the phone against your ear. “Hi, sorry how much of the anti-venom do I give her?”

“There should be a child dosage on the bottle, half the cap,” the person on the other end said. You unscrewed the lid and poured some out, having her swallow it down. She whined and you didn’t blame her based on the smell. “An ambulance will be there shortly.”

“Thank you,” you said, spotting Jensen at the top of the stairs. He was holding his wrist and had a slightly smushed object in one of the clear plastic cups from the kids bathroom. “We have the scorpion.”

“EMT’s should be able to identify it,” she said, Jensen walking down slowly. He took a seat on the bottom step and shook his head.

“Jensen?” you said, his hand reaching for the bottle. You moved his hand from his wrist and saw two dots there. “Shit. My fiance was stung too.”

“There’s a nest in the bathroom vanity,” he said, pouring himself a dose and knocking it back. “I blocked off the door but get the twins out of there, please.”

“JJ,” you said as you saw her color get better while Jensen was getting paler. You took your phone out of your pocket and dialed, handing it to her. “Tell Uncle Jared to come over right now.”

Five minutes later Jared was there, JJ and Jensen sat in the back of an ambulance, Jensen getting a shot of something in the leg.

“We’re taking them to West County,” said a paramedic.

“I’ll see you guys soon,” you said, JJ staring worriedly at Jensen who has holding his wrist again. Jared looked around as they took off and you sighed. “Hey.”

“JJ said she and Jay got stung by a scorpion?” he asked.

“She got one as far as they can tell. Jensen got three. There’s a nest in the bathroom cupboard,” you said.

“Idiot,” mumbled Jared. You raised and eyebrow and he shook his head. “He forgot to get the pest spray done this year I bet. Dee always handled that kind of stuff. They’ve had a scorpion problem before when they first moved in.”

“Oh.”

“I’m gonna take the twins and stay the night. I’ll call and get the spray guys in first thing in the morning. You go take care of those two,” he said. You nodded and he grabbed your arm when you headed for your car. “Wait five minutes to calm down.”

“Jared I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You just don’t know it. Go inside, get your purse, Jensen’s wallet, take a beat, okay?”

“Okay,” you said. “Make sure-”

“I got it. Go on,” he said. “Make sure he’s not freaking out. Last time he was at a hospital it wasn’t good.”

“Right. Okay. Call me if you need something. And stay away from the kids bathroom.”

“Y/N. I know. It’ll be alright, I promise.”

One Hour Later

“Is dad okay?” asked JJ from where she sat in your lap. Jensen peeled an eye open and smiled.

“I’m okay. Sleepy is all. We’ll be home in a few hours,” he said. His wrist was bandaged and he had an IV in his arm but he’d taken the anti-venom soon enough that they had enough time to get the proper medication in both him and JJ. She was already discharged but you didn’t want to leave Jensen by himself.

“Mr. Ackles,” said a doctor when she walked in the room. “Your bloodwork came back and everything looks good.”

“Awesome,” he said, sitting up in bed. “Can I get out of here?”

“You got about fifteen minutes left on that IV drip but I’ll let the nurse know to start the paperwork. I want you to take it easy tomorrow. Nothing strenuous.”

“I got it,” he said with a nod. “Nothing strenuous.”

“Jensen,” you said around noon the next day, catching him unloading some wood from the back of his truck. “What are you doing?”

“I was gonna work on those shelves for the kid’s playroom,” he said. You crossed your arms and he threw his head back. “I feel fine. The nest got cleared out and the house got sprayed. I wanna work on this.”

“You have all the time in the world to do it. Work on it tomorrow,” you said, picking up the wood plank. He tried to take it out of your hands and you growled.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Please do what the doctor said and rest today,” you said. He bit his lip and you moved the pieces of wood into the garage, Jensen leaning back against the side of the truck when you shut the trunk. “You’re scared, aren’t you.”

He nodded and glanced at his wrapped up wrist, then down to the ground.

“Hospitals freak me out now,” he said. “I don’t like bugs. My body hurt and knowing I forgot to do something so simple put them in danger sucks. Knowing if she hadn’t come downstairs it might have been real bad sucks. If you hadn’t noticed I don’t know if I would have and it scares me not knowing.”

“Close your eyes for me,” you said. He shut them and took a deep breath, letting you take his hand and walk around to the back of the house. You spun him around a few times stopping him so he was facing the pool about twenty feet away. “Know where you are?”

“Somewhere in the middle of the backyard,” he said. “What are you doing?”

“You said not knowing scared you. Lots of times you don’t know. It’s kinda just how life works,” you said, dropping his hand and moving a few feet away. “Take a big step forward.”

“Y/N, I don’t like this,” he said, fidgeting his hand along the bottom of his shirt.

“I know you don’t. But would I hurt you?”

“No,” he said.

“So listen to me. Big step forward.” He took a step and you looked around. “Jump backwards.”

“What?”

“Jump backwards.” He frowned and took a small bunny hop back. “Again.”

“I feel ridiculous.”

“Says the guy who plays pretend for a professional career. Now hop back and then step to the right,” you said. He groaned and did as asked. “Jog forward until I say stop.”

“Are you trying to kill me out here cause I feel like I’m about to break my neck slipping in the pool.”

“I’m trying to get your anxiety out in a non-life threatening way, okay?”

“By having me jump around the backyard like an idiot.”

“By having you get comfortable with the fact that most of life is spent not knowing and you can’t change that fact. You can’t see it all coming.”

He threw his head back but kept his eyes shut. He stared to run towards you and you wrapped your arms around him when he got there, Jensen peeling them open slowly.

“See? I wasn’t gonna let anything bad happen,” you said. He nodded and rested his forehead on your shoulder, pulling you into a squeezing hug. “You okay?”

“I’m sorry for being short and not doing what the doctor asked,” he said.

“Hey, it’s alright. I got scared too last night. Everything is fixed now so no need to worry over it. Why don’t you take a nap and maybe we have a real quiet lazy day while Dee’s parents got the kids for the day,” you said. “Sound fun?”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll take quiet today.”

Three hours later Jensen was curled up with a blanket, his head resting in your lap as you watched a movie together. You played with his hair, Jensen turning into the touch every so often.

“I know you’re worried about me,” he said. He turned and faced up at you, your fingers swirling in his strands. “I know I’m kinda clingy today which I’m normally not.”

“You can cling all you want, honey,” you said, stroking his cheek with your thumb. “I wish life would give you a break for a second. No work, no badness. Just some peace and quiet for you.”

“My parents lived here after the accident. For a few months. They were here, Jared and Gen were over every day, my siblings would stop down every week. The first few months I understood. I had an injury I had to recover from. But I felt like a child those few months once I recovered. Everyone taking care of the kids, of me. I was barely a father to them. Playtime. A story at bed. Someone else made most of their meals, did everything for them.”

“You’re a father but you’re still someone’s child,” you said. He blinked and you shrugged. “You were hurt, possibly the worst out of anyone. I know taking care of everyone else is your default but people get to take care of you too. I get to take care of you.”

“I feel like all I do is get taken care of by you,” he said. “I never give it back.”

“You’ve given me a family again. You take care of me every single day.”

“I never see you getting upset. It’s always me. I’m always the fuck up,” he said. You slumped down and took a deep breath.

“I get upset Jensen. I got upset that very first time we fought, that night with the ice cream. I got upset when you got jealous of that nanny in Canada and we saw my father the first time. I got upset telling you the truth of it all because you of all people don’t need problems like that dumped at your feet. I got upset when we saw him again because I was scared and I was scared he might hurt you too. I got upset when we fought when you got home and I got upset when you proposed because you were so scared and I get upset Jensen. I get upset when you’re hurt. I get upset when I hurt. But I don’t have all those safety nets under me that you do, remember? I just got a couple right now and you’re my last resort. I’ve been my own support system for so long that I can’t undo that all overnight. I know it’s been months but the fact I even let you see me cry, the fact I can even talk about this stuff with you and know all you’re thinking about is how to make me feel better...I still need to heal too. You’ve done so much already. I’m gonna have my moments where this is switched, believe me. But today’s not my turn for that, it’s yours.”

“I love you,” he said, staring up with the softest green eyes you’d ever seen on him yet. “Even more than five minutes ago if that’s possible.”

“I love you,” you said, bending down and kissing him. “You’re the expert on the falling in love stuff though so I’ll leave that up to you.”

“It’s very...it’s what you think it is and it’s not at all what you think. There’s falling and nerves and then calm and then falling and calm and you spend the rest of your life doing that. It’s not magic and it takes work to keep it alive sometimes but all you gotta do is talk. Just talk and it always seems to work out for me,” he said.

“Can I tell you a secret?” you asked. He nodded and smiled as you went back to playing with his hair.

“You know I really like when you do that,” he said.

“I know you do. It relaxes you,” you said.

“Makes me feel safe too,” he said. “But what’s your secret cause eventually I’m gonna want to know them all.”

“I was very attracted to you when we met. But that kinda freaked me out a bit. I found myself liking you a lot that first day I was here. You got me a birthday cake. I realized how kind you are that night. It wasn’t for anyone’s benefit other than my own. I had a crush on you, even though I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere.”

“I had a crush on you from when you made me a cup of coffee. You’re so good and kind yourself,” he said. He reached up and cupped your cheek. “I’m really happy you had your mom eventually. I would have liked to have met her.”

“Maybe she and Dee are hanging out wherever they are.”

“I hope so. She won’t mind sharing me with you,” he said.

“You honestly think so?”

“You gonna mind sharing me with her?” he asked.

“I’ve always shared you. Just hope that wouldn’t bother her.”

“I used to think maybe it would but no, she wants me to be happy and that’s you so you got all eternity to get to know each other eventually if you think about it.”

“Well when you put it that way we got nothing to worry about,” you said.

“Oh don’t worry about that. I think your mom was right. I get to have two people is all, kinda like she did,” he said.

“She would have liked you. Would have said you’re a little old for me but she would have liked you.”

“Wasn’t she older than Ray?” he asked.

“Yeah. She was. She was only fifty,” you said.

“You grew up too fast,” he said quietly.

“Maybe. But it got me here and I don’t think I would have done anything different. I wouldn’t want to screw that up. Well I’d do one thing different.”

“What?”

“Drop by this house, have a conversation with a certain someone.”

“Say hypothetically you had that ability, you’d really do that knowing what you’re giving up?”

“I’d give her back to you right this second if I could.”

“I appreciate that, really,” he said. He let his hand fall down and reach around your back, curling around your waist. “But she’s not more important than you are. I miss her. Everyday. But I lose one of you either way in that scenario. And I can’t choose. I’ll never be able to. If she were here and you weren’t, I’d still be just like this. It’d still hurt.”

“Make me a promise. I keel over early, you try again. Try for both of us.”

“I will if you will,” he said. He held up his pinky finger and you grabbed it with yours. “But he can’t be hotter than me.”

“Equally as hot?”

“Slightly less hot but that’s my final offer,” he said.

“Eh, fine,” you said. “You’ve worn me down.”

“Always words I want to hear,” he chuckled. You slid further down the couch until you were practically laying back, your arms wrapping around him. He got up and lay down with you on the wrap around side of the couch, pulling you into his chest. “Can I take you to dinner tonight? Just us.”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Okay, honey,” he said, kissing your forehead. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Just thanks. For what you said. What you did earlier, just being with me,” he said.

“Lucky for you I like being with you a whole lot,” you said.

“Very lucky for me,” he said. “Very lucky indeed.”

______

A/N: Read Part 11 here!

#supernatural #tell me a story bingo #SPN #jensen ackles au #jensen x reader #jensen acklees #jensen series #rpf series #jensen ackles x reader #spn fanfic #jensen ackles fanfic #supernatural fanfic

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r0zyp0zy0zy · 3 years

Text

✾❃S.H+D.K- A Bisexual Mess✶

Make a request!

Master list

Warnings: Smut, threesome, spit roasting, suggested poly relationship

Words: 3407

Pairing(s): Kaminari Denki x Sero Hanta x FEM!reader

Summary: Being attracted to your friend is weird, and your boyfriend having a crush on him too is even weirder.

Ok so I might’ve gotten carried away and prepared a basket instead... oops. Enjoy!

Part two

===NSFW UNDER THE CUT===

Sero Hanta always bragged about you to his friends, which wasn't a secret by any means. Well, not a secret to anybody except you. What can he say? You're perfect to him, and who's he to keep that information to himself? He would spew everything he loved about you and more, infuriating Bakugo and making Kaminari jealous.

You didn't mean to eavesdrop, really! Well, not at first. Buuut... your pretty little boyfriend mentioned your name in his conversation with the Bakusquad, and you couldn't help it. You stood quietly outside of your home office— the only place in the house you allowed Hanta to smoke —and leaned as close to the door as you dared.

"She's just so perfect," you broke into a smile at Sero's words.

"Will you stop bragging about y/n-chan?" Kaminari groaned dramatically from within the room, "I almost can't take it anymore! You know that I like her. Stop making me jealous on purpose because I can't have her!"

Your eyes widened slightly at Kaminari's words. He did? Since when? Well, that was a silly thing to think; Kami has probably had a crush on everyone in high school at one point or another. But the fact that he just admitted it to Hanta was straight-up bold.

"Yeah I know," you heard Sero smirk, "ever since you've heard about her magic mouth you've wanted a piece."

"-wha? Wrong. I've had a crush on her longer than that!" Kaminari argued. You could hear Mina in the back cracking up.

"Will you two shut up?!" Bakugo yelled, rattling the door. "Every fucking time I'm here is all 'y/n this' and 'y/n that' ok we gET IT, THE TWO OF YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HER!"

You stood in their silence for a moment, trying to process that holy shit, the Mega-Virgin Kaminari has a crush on you, even before you sucked Hanta off for the first time! What was happening?

"K'mon, bro," Kirishima chided, and you heard the slap of his hand land on Bakugo's back. "Chill out, take another hit. Y/n-san might pop in if she hears too much noise."

"Whatever, 'tch," Bakugo huffed, "kinda wanna go home anyway, you nerds don't have anything interesting to talk about."

You quietly hurried away to your shared bedroom at the sound of footsteps, pretending that you hadn't just heard Hanta openly talk about your 'magic mouth', and Kaminari's confession. You could still feel the flustered blush on your cheeks as Kirishima and Bakugo walked down the hall to the front door, the latter grumbling about "those damn nerds".

"Wait, guys," Mina called to them, "I don't want to be stuck with those love-sick idiots!"

After Kiri offered to buy the pink girl an Uber home and the front door was shut, all you could hear was the muffled conversation a room over. You snuck back to the office door, and pressed your ear against it.

"-s-stop!" You heard Kaminari stutter.

"Never! It's so fun to make you flustered over my girl," you playfully shook your head at Hanta's words. Typical Sero move.

It was silent for a few minutes, broken soon after with a, "dude! What the hell?" From Hanta.

"I- it's- it's your fault!" Kaminari retorted, apparently spinning around in the squeaky office chair.

"You-," Sero burst out laughing, "you got hard just from me talking about her! Bet it was the part I told you when y/n and I were at that one restaurant-."

"S-shut up!" Kaminari squeaked.

Your face flushed considerably pinker. Right here, right now, were two boys that were sexually attracted to you on the other side of the door. You felt your stomach flip and twist in excitement at the new feeling.

"It's kinda cute that you're so into her," you heard Hanta tease. "You're always a blushing mess, and just stuttering over your words."

"Damn S-sero," Denki said grouchily, "stop making fun of me."

You couldn't help but press your ear completely against the door, the two boys inside were too high to notice the shadow under the door anyway. Was Hanta... Flirting?

"I'm not making fun of you," Sero paused. "I'm just calling you cute."

You drowned out the rest of their conversation with your thoughts, trying to connect dots together. Hanta was a little suspicious at times from what you could see over his shoulder. Suspicious of what, exactly? Being gay, or at least bisexual. You saw him close tabs of soft-core gay porn occasionally, and you even accidentally stumbled upon Sero's old diary from years back. You didn't worry too much about it, but now... was he suppressing his feelings? Was he about to cheat on you?

Your heart dropped at that thought. Hanta was a nice guy and he wouldn't do that to you, right? He wouldn't lie about loving you. Not after what you heard earlier. Or was that just to fluster Kaminari? You shook your head in an attempt to clear your mind, and tuned back in on the two boys.

"-AH—! Wait!" You heard Sero panic, "I didn't- I shouldn't've-!"

".. shouldn't have kissed me?" Denki squeaked quietly so you had to strain to hear.

What on Earth did you miss while you were spaced out?

"Well- I was just thinking about h-how cute you are, and I forgot that I can't kiss someone who isn't my partner!" Hanta stressed, "god why do I have to love both of you..."

Your eyebrows raised at that, and listened in a little harder. Did you hear that right? Sero had a crush on Kaminari?

Honestly you couldn't blame him when the blond was so undeniably attractive, especially with the smudged black eyeliner on the corners of his eyes and the lightning bolt streak in his hair. You wouldn't lie that you liked him a bit too, but you suppressed those feelings for Hanta.

"I- I can go if you want," Kaminari mumbled, voice cracking slightly.

"Er- if you want. I don't mind chilling with you a bit longer. Just— don't tell y/n what happened. I- I'll tell her later when I figure out what to say," Hanta said.

"You sure she won't get mad at you?" Said a concerned Denki. "I know how much you love her, and I don't want you two to break it off.."

"Weeelll," Sero dragged on nervously, "y/n is very understanding, a-and I also need to tell her a few other things anyway."

You headed towards the living room, hearing all you needed to. You honestly didn't exactly know what to think about what just happened. Hanta kissed Denki, who likes you, and you that likes Hanta who also likes Denki. What even.

You sat comfortably on the couch, watching the last of the sun meander under the horizon. You nervously tapped on your phone after playing games on it for about an hour, waiting for Kaminari to leave so you could talk with Hanta. You finally heard the office door open, and you turned your head. Sero shuffled towards you with a sleeping Denki in his arms. The blonde's mouth was wide open and snoring lightly, drool going halfway down his chin.

"Uh," Hanta said awkwardly, "help."

You giggled and jumped up from your to help your boyfriend position Kaminari on the couch, who immediately latched onto a pillow mumbling incoherently.

"Whatta dude," you stated, fists on your hips.

"Yeah..." Hanta scratched the back of his neck. "Uh, I have to talk to you about something. It's pretty serious so we can wait until later if you want."

"Nah," you shook your head, "you've seemed off lately, and I'm guessing you just need it off your chest."

"Well, if you don't mind," Hanta plopped down on the love seat. You kneeled over to lean your head on his knee as he sucked in a shaky breath. "I- Um. I- I think I'm Bi."

You nodded your head understandingly, taking his hand in yours. "Ok, baby. Thank you for telling me."

"—there is o-one more thing I-I have to confess," Sero shook, "just please don't hit or yell at me."

"I would never, baby. I'm here for you," you looked up at him encouragingly, giving him a smile.

"O-ok. Uh, I kinda, well... I kinda kissed Kami. O-on the lips," Hanta's eyes looked away from yours, floating to the floor.

"Do you regret it?" You asked, keeping a calm exterior.

"Uh- I dunno. I do because I'm with you.. but... I- I think I don't," Sero looked incredibly guilty, and he squeezed your hand, "I love you, b-but I also have a crush on him..."

"That's ok," you reassured, reaching up to turn his head back to you, "I don't mind if you want to be in a relationship with him too, separately or not."

Hanta looked incredibly surprised, and a smile split his face, "really?!"

"Yes really," you giggled, kissing his cheek. "I can share you."

Sero, being the genius he was, suggested introducing Denki into the relationship with a threesome. Totally not skipping a few steps or anything.

"Are you sure he'd be willing to do that?" You had asked. "He's a virgin to basically everything."

"Oh, he'd be willing alright," Hanta smirked. "I'll message him about it then?"

"Mhm," you nodded, "it'll be fun. We'll get to tease him."

Denki was freaking out. Actually, he was more than freaking out. He was freaking out and jerking off. Multitasking. He could not believe his eyes when he opened Sero's text message, four glorious words: 'wanna have a threesome?'

Of course, Denki had asked if his friend had been joking or not before opening up his mind to fantasies. He got off rather quickly, though who could blame him. He swore that his libido was abnormally high, because even the thought of you, (and Sero as well), would get him flustered and he would pop a boner.

The next day when he came over, his teeth brushed and pubes trimmed, he stood outside your apartment door for at least a minute before knocking. His mind would keep circling the same thoughts: 'Sero just wants you to embarrass yourself in front of her', 'he told y/n about your crush and now they want to laugh at you', 'holy fuck is this actually happening', and 'I hope Sero actually doesn't mind sharing'.

"Sup, man," Hanta grinned as he opened the door for his blushing crush, a far too casual greeting for the situation about to unfold.

"H-hey," Kaminari grinned back, shuffling inside and slipping off his shoes.

"Y/n's just making up a snack so we can chat before uh, y'know," Hanta held back his blush, already nervous because damn, did Denki put on eyeliner or something? He looked hotter than usual.

"Take a seat in the living room, I'm almost done!" You called from the kitchen as you poured one last cup of tea. You carried the tray of tea and homemade cookies to the coffee table, and sat yourself down on the love seat. You couldn't lie— you were nervous as shit at the moment. You looked up as Hanta led a very flustered and anxious Kaminari behind him, and you gave a comforting wave.

"H-hi," Kaminari squeaked, sitting himself on the couch in front of you. He rubbed the sweat off his hands on his pants, trying to avoid your gaze.

"Hey!" You greeted kindly with a smile.

"Alright so now what," Hanta stated, plopping himself beside Denki only looking slightly nervous.

"We discuss boundaries!" You said cheerfully. You reached over for your cup and took a sip. "Any hard no's?"

"Kaminari's not fucking you," Hanta crossed his arms. "Not yet, I want it to be more special than this..."

Denki choked on his drink, sputtering on his tea.

"Kami, any hard no's?" you steered.

"U-uh not right now," the electric blond stuttered, eyeing Sero nervously.

"Ok great!" You exclaimed, clapping your hands together, "the safe word Hanta and I use is 'soy sauce'."

"That's two-."

"Yeah same difference," you waved Kaminari off. "Anyway, my hard no's are just don't hit me, don't degrade me, and don't choke me out."

The two boys nodded anxiously.

"Holy fuck," Denki muttered as he watched Sero kiss your lips, palming his dick through his jeans. He admired your half undressed state as he feverishly threw off his T-shirt.

Without looking, Hanta held out his hand in a 'come hither' motion, and Kaminari steered over to his friend. Sero pulled away from you for a moment, guiding Denki's shaky hands to your bare waist. Once the two of you continued kissing, Kaminari hugged your waist closer and kissed the side of your neck. Your encouraging moans excited him, and he kissed your skin harder.

Denki's hips couldn't help but rut against your backside, drawing out a soft groan from him. He peered his head up to Sero, who turned to give him a gentle kiss, and Kaminari could feel your saliva on his lips. You turned to face the blonde, leaning forwards to propose a kiss. Denki filled the gap quickly, and met your lips with his. It was a messy kiss, but neither you nor Kami cared. You heard Hanta grumble in your ear, nipping at the cartilage carefully.

Honestly, Denki thought he was being spoiled rotten. You were so soft in his arms, and he swore he could stay like this forever. Sero's nimble fingers snuck to the back of your bra and quickly unclasped it, making Denki suck in a jittery breath.

"Hmmh," you sighed as Hanta cupped your breasts gently, waiting for Denki to desperately ask for a turn.

"You can touch her, Denks," Sero chuckled, leaning over and kissing his friend again.

Denki mumbled into the kiss, and shakily moved to grasp your tits from behind. His cock couldn't help but twitch in his pants as he massaged your nipples softly, his lips still locked with Hanta's. Kami pulled back with a gasp, strings of saliva still attaching them.

"Oh so good," Denki whined as he humped your ass, breathing heavily into your ear.

"Mmm, Denki~ take your pants off for us, won't you?" You licked your lips and watched as Kaminari hobbled out of his skinny jeans.

He looked at you with wide eyes as you sat on your bed, with Sero following suit. Denki moaned when the two of you started making out again, and nervously edged closer to the bed. You smiled at him encouragingly and reached out a hand to play with the elastic of his boxers. A whimper left his throat as you trailed a finger up his clothed shaft, and he eyed Hanta guilty.

"It's ok!" The smiling man replied, helping you get into a better position. "Let loose a little, dude."

Denki wasn't sure he could do that since you were slowly pulling down the hem of his underwear, his cock springing up to slap his stomach before standing straight out. He slipped down his boxers and kicked them away, having full attention on you and your beautiful e/c eyes.

Hanta was massaging your ass cheeks as Denki experienced your mouth for the first time, and he pulled down your panties, (which were soaked, by the way). You moaned against Kami's cock as Sero rubbed the inside of your thighs with his warm hands, causing Denki to let out a lewd groan. His eyes kept switching from you, to Sero, and back to you again.

"So wet for me, y/n," Hanta mumbled, "if I knew you were into this stuff I would've invited Kami over earlier."

You hummed in response, too busy indulging yourself with Denki's dick. You enjoyed making him squirm in his stance, licking over the glans of his cock and the underside of his shaft. You swore you could see his eyes start to water up.

Kaminari was wide eyed as he watched Hanta strip out of his briefs and give himself a few pumps. Denki's mouth opened in a silent moan when Sero lined up to your entrance and slowly inched inside, letting out a low groan when he bottomed out. You hummed diligently on the cock you were sucking and grabbed Denki's hand to put on your head, letting him grasp your hair like reins.

The electric blond babbled quietly as he watched Hanta pump into you, forcing Denki's cock further down your throat. The way your mouth contracted around him made Denki's legs shake, and he got red in the face trying to keep his hands from urging your head deeper.

"You look like you're having a good time, Denks," Sero commented as he admired the blonde's teary eyes. His hips rolled forwards in a new rhythm and you griped pleasantly as you fisted the sheets under you.

"Fuuuck yeah," Kaminari grumbled, catching up with his friend's rhythm. He was over the moon, and was just trying not to cum prematurely so he could enjoy this moment longer.

"Don't be afraid to fuck her face," Hanta said smugly, repositioning his hands on your hips. "She loves choking on cock, ain't that right beautiful?"

You wept in agreement, looking up at Denki with soft, pleading eyes. You bobbed your head faster in his loose grasp, gagging and sputtering on spit and precum. The man above you groaned with satisfaction and fisted your hair and forced his dick deeper into your tight throat. His thrusts came in a perfect rhythm with Sero's, and whenever you moved, you were getting impaled from either end.

Your limbs shook as you struggled to breathe with the cock in your mouth, and your pussy clenched around Hanta desperately. You felt tears stream down your cheeks as you sobbed for breath, enjoying every moment. You nearly squealed as Sero pressed a vibrator against your clit, and your vision fuzzed a bright white.

"Gonna cum, baby?" Hanta egged on, panting for oxygen. "C'mere Den, kiss me."

You whined loudly as you heard the two men kissing above you, and your stomach tightened and rolled around pleasantly. You gurgled on Denki's cock as you came, pussy pulsing with need and delight.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Kaminari moaned in tune with his thrusts, so close to the edge that you could practically taste his cum already.

"Oh shit, y/n. You're so— tigHT," Hanta groaned as he rutted against you one more time before you felt his warm cum fill your insides.

Right on cue, Denki hit his peak right after Sero, moaning about how good your mouth felt and how hot you were, "god, Hanta, she looks so fucking good like this."

Denki let out a choked whine as he finally let his orgasm take over his body, and he held your head in place as his semen ran down your throat. You choked it down before Kami pulled away, and you opened your mouth to reveal strings of saliva and cum.

"Holy fucking shit," Denki said, exasperated, "I feel like I'm not gonna go soft for a week."

"You alright, my love?" Hanta said softly as he let you fall onto your chest, ass still up.

"Hell yeah," you mumbled, your voice scratchy and sore from being face-fucked. You watched Kami stand awkwardly as Sero wiped you down with a warm cloth, taking care between your thighs.

"Denki, go get some water please," Hanta instructed as he rolled you over. "You did so good, baby. The best."

You hummed softly in response, already feeling your eyes flutter sleepily. Kaminari held out a straw to you, and you sucked down the cool substance thankfully.

"That was the best blowjob ever," Denki sighed happily, watching Hanta scoop out the cum from your cunt.

"It was your only blowjob, Kami," you mumbled teasingly, a soft smirk on your face.

You felt yourself drift into a calm state, and you could only hear the muffled voices of your boyfriend, and... your other boyfriend? You fell into a comforting, dreamless sleep, and you knew that Denki would make a great addition to your relationship.

#Kaminari Denki #kaminari denki x reader #denki kaminari #denki kaminari smut #denki kaminari x sero hanta #denki kaminari x reader x sero hanta #Sero Hanta #sero hanta x reader #hanta sero #hanta sero x reader #mha #mha fanfiction #mha x reader #bnha #bnha fanfiction #anime

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a-lockman5 · 3 years

Text

Things were different now Pt. 3 - Happy to Help {Devi and Paxton}

A/n: as usual, I don’t own these characters, but I love them. This continues to follow the timeline I initially wrote so it does not coincide with season 2 at all. Paxton is a 17 year old with feelings, not a 10 year old before puberty… I hate proofreading so if it’s awful, apologies. Umm… so sorry it’s a year late.. and honestly, I kinda hate parts of it, but here we are nonetheless. Hope you like it!

Warnings: fluff, angst, phobias, I think that’s it.

Part one, Part two

Don’t forget to check out my Masterlist!

“Hey, baby,” Ben greeted her in a sing-song voice.

“Morning, Ben,” Devi replied as Ben laid a kiss to her cheek, and took the seat next to her.

“Why didn’t you come by for breakfast this morning?” he asked.

Devi felt her eyes grow wide momentarily. She had been going to Ben’s for breakfast before school all last week, telling her mom they were studying. It wasn’t a formal date though, and she hadn’t thought to plan an excuse. “Uh…” she scrambled, feeling the room close in as people filled the desks behind and on her other side. “I’m not feeling well,” she lied. “I overslept.”

She averted her gaze from Ben to dig a pencil out of her backpack from where it sat on the floor to her right. When she tried to unzip her pencil holder though, it got stuck and she flung it, one-handed, onto the floor. As she reached down to grab it, the person sitting next to her reached down to help too, and when she looked up, Paxton was grinning back at her.

“Morning, Vishwakumar. Long time, no see.”

Devi tried to swallow past a large lump in her throat. “Morning, Paxton,” she returned hesitantly, noting his hair was still damp and that it added curl to his hair that usually he used product to tame.

Devi had her first swim lesson with Paxton that morning before school. It’s not that she was hiding it from Ben, her boyfriend. It was just that she didn’t feel ready to tell him about it… so yeah, she was hiding it from him. Not because of Paxton though! She was hiding it because of her.

Not even Devi’s mom knew how afraid she was of being in the water since her paralysis was triggered. Prior to that, she loved swimming. It was the only sport she was at all inclined to and she even considered trying out for team sophomore year until she went crazy and lost her legs.

She tried to move past it. Well, kind of. Her physical therapist thought aquatic therapy may help strengthen and facilitate the functional return of her legs. Instead, it resulted in her screaming and hyperventilating in Dan’s arms as he struggled to get her back to the lift out of the pool. Devi begged Dan not to tell her mom about her newfound fear and promised she would discuss it with Dr. Ryan. Her physical therapist agreed, and Devi never mentioned it to anyone again. Until Paxton.

“You want to swim?” He repeated back, puzzled as they sat on the couch in the garage. “I’ve seen you swim.”

“When?”

“Your freshman year…” he trailed off as realization dawned on him.

Devi didn’t know Paxton had any idea who she was until she propositioned him at the beginning of school this year. He remembered her from the year before? He remembered her before she lost her legs?

“Yeah… I haven’t been able to since…”

“So when you fell in the pool at Gross’s party…?” Paxton filled the silence for her.

“I’m really glad you pulled me out otherwise it would have gotten way more embarrassing,” she admitted.

She saw his jaw clench before his next question, “Why didn’t your friends help you?”

“Um…” she took a deep breath to muster the courage up to tell him, “they don’t know… nobody knows.”

And then he gave her that same deep, calculated look. The look he gave her when they were in his car so many weeks ago. The look he gave her before they kissed. Before he kissed her.

He agreed instantly after that. And things went mildly well that morning. She wasn’t able to get in the water, so instead, she sat next to the edge of the pool and watched Paxton swim for awhile and then they talked.

She was surprised by how patient Paxton had been with her especially since she dragged him out of bed earlier than necessary. He told her it was a process though, and he agreed to help her through it. Her heart felt full when he said that. She probably would have read too far into it in the past, but things were different now.

Devi knew she would have to tell Ben eventually that she was spending so much time with Paxton, but she just didn’t want him to overreact. He knew how much she had pined for Paxton before they started dating, and even though she and Paxton were friends only now, it wouldn’t change the threat he posed in her boyfriend’s mind.

you and PHY seem awfully chummy - Fab

Devi looked over her shoulder at her friends after reading Fabiola’s text message. Both Fab and Eleanor were giving her pretty pointed looks, and Devi just responded with a grimace and raised eyebrows. This whole friends thing sounded so easy with Paxton when they were sitting on his couch in the middle of the night. No one else was around, no one could pass judgment. Things were going to be a little harder in practice.

Fortunately, class was pretty uneventful. Mr. Shapiro started a new unit, they went over the lesson, and they were dismissed. Devi gathered her things quickly and hurried out of the room without waiting for her friends, her boyfriend, or Paxton. Of course, Paxton was her friend, so she didn’t know why she listed him in his own category.

“Hey,” the object of her musings appeared beside her locker.

Devi jumped at the sound of his voice, but managed to somewhat recover. “Hey, what’s good, playa?”

Paxton smirked at her with warm eyes. “Just wanted to check on you now that it’s been a couple hours.”

“Oh! Honestly, I feel good. Watching you actually helps me calm down,” she said before realizing how it sounded. “I mean, not that I just watch you, but I mean, watching you swim… it’s nice to see how you glide through the water… it’s like a white noise machine.”

“Right,” Paxton replied slowly after a beat. “Well you should come by today after school. I have an idea.”

She nodded as he walked away down the hall. Before Devi’s imagination could get the better of her though, her friends replaced Paxton in her line of vision.

“What is going on?” Fabiola asked bluntly.

“Yeah, are you and Paxton hooking up behind Ben’s back?”

“What? Of course not!” Devi was outraged. How could they think she would do that? “Paxton is my friend.”

“Since when?”

“Yeah, last thing we knew, you went there for dinner for his sister and it got hella weird,” Eleanor added. “What gives?”

Devi had not shared the one on one conversations she and Paxton had with her friends. Sure, the initial apology after dinner would probably be okay. Having a drink with Paxton in the garage at 2 o’clock in the morning after catching him in his underwear with an erection? No, there was no good way to relay that encounter.

“Um..” Devi hesitated. She couldn’t tell them the truth now after hiding her fear for so long, and then telling Paxton before telling them. They’d think she was a bad friend. “I’m tutoring him,” she lied. “Yeah, he’s got to get his grades up to meet the minimum for Stanford swimming to offer him a scholarship so I’m helping him.”

“Does Ben know?” Eleanor asked as Devi’s phone pinged in her pocket.

She pulled her phone out and read the message from Paxton, don’t forget to bring your suit ;), and she felt her cheeks heat up. “No,” she told Eleanor absentmindedly. “No, he doesn’t know.”

“Well, are you going to tell him?” Fabiola prodded.

Devi shook herself out of her daze and really heard her friends’ questions. “No, not right now. You guys know he would freak out if he knew Paxton and I were spending time together no matter how platonic. I’ll tell him eventually but everything is still so new, I don’t want to wreck it.”

Her friends’ judgment was evident, but Devi couldn’t let that bother her. Paxton was helping her confront one of her deepest fears, and she didn’t need to feel guilty about that. Instead, she chose to focus on making the most of her time with Paxton and enjoying their friendship while hopefully ridding her of her phobia.

Devi knocked briefly before letting herself into the Hall-Yoshida garage. It was empty and so she dropped her bag and plopped down onto the couch. It was almost funny, Devi thought. Things were so different now. A few months ago, she was terrified entering this space. She’d freaked, cut her leg open and bolted. Even the last time she’d been here, she’d tried to quietly reflect and calm her nerves after having one of her sexual fantasies manifest in the form of actually seeing Paxton Hall-Yoshida in his underwear with a boner. Now, she just comes right in and —

“Make yourself at home,” Paxton’s voice broke her from her thoughts.

She intended to make a sarcastic retort, but was caught off guard by him being in swim trunks already, and not the tight spandex trunks he wore for the swim team. No, these were normal, red and black trunks. They were entirely less revealing, outside of showing off his muscled chest, but they weren’t a uniform. Something about Paxton being voluntarily half naked and not bleeding from the hand had Devi looking at him dumbly from across the room.

“Devi, you good?” He asked cautiously, coming to sit next to her.

Her gaze trailed down from his collarbone to his pecs, to his abs, to his… her eyes grew wide as she realized she was openly ogling him. She snapped her eyes back to his to find him grinning at her.

“Everything okay?” He asked again. She nodded dumbly in response. “Good. Why don’t you go change? I have an idea that may work to start.”

“Okay, I’ll go change in the bathroom and meet you back here?”

“Nah, just come out to the back yard.”

Completely disrobed in the bathroom, Devi had another decision to make. Two suits. She brought two bathing suits with her both that morning and in the afternoon. She hadn’t even bothered to change before class that morning because just entering the aquatic center was enough to bring her near hyperventilation. She couldn’t do that again, and to be fair, if Paxton had a pool, it was news to Devi. And she asked him to help her swim. If that’s what she really wanted, then she needed to trust Paxton and let him help her. That meant she had to choose: black, Speedo one-piece or bubble gum pink bikini?

“Why’d you even bring both, Devi?” She asked her reflection.

She wasn’t sure she was ready to answer that question. She knew things were different now. She was dating Ben, and Paxton was her friend. That was her choice… it was just a much easier choice to make when she and Paxton weren’t speaking to each other. If she was honest, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Paxton since their middle of the night encounter last week. He was right when he said they had come a long way. She had come a long way, becoming more comfortable around him, and seeing him on an equal level versus the Adonis pedestal she placed him on in the past. Then he became real.

Paxton became more than the unattainable sex god that riddled her darkest fantasies. He became someone she could talk with, laugh with, open up to. He became her friend. Her friend that was still a sex god that riddled her darkest fantasies… these were the thoughts that had her leaning toward the far more revealing bikini for their lesson that afternoon.

She had a boyfriend though, a boyfriend she very much liked. Sure, she and Ben were unkind to each other in the past. He had routinely referred to her by a boy’s name, called her unfuckable, and yeah, he started the rumor that she faked her paralysis freshman year. She played her own role in their antagonistic relationship though, and all that was behind them anyway. Ever since his party, Ben had been much nicer to her. Of course, that was including when he tried to kiss her while still dating Shira… but obviously, that was because he had feelings for her that when he was sober, he wasn’t ready to confront yet. He had been there for her like no one else had. He deserved a good girlfriend. That was Devi’s last thought on the subject before donning the black athletic one piece.

The first thing Devi saw when she stepped onto the patio made her heart catch in her throat. A hot tub. It was too big. It was too much. Too much. She couldn’t get in a hot tub. It was already way too hot, Devi thought, feeling the air get thicker around her. Her throat felt constricted and she wondered how anyone was as able to breathe in these conditions. It felt impossible.

“Devi! Are you okay?” She heard Paxton ask faintly.

Her head began shaking back and forth frantically, but she didn’t feel like she was the one controlling it. Instead, it was moving of its own accord, and her voice didn’t sound like her own when she said, “I can’t get in the hot tub.”

Two strong hands grasped her waist and physically turned her so her back was to the offending item. It was then she saw Paxton. His eyes searched hers desperately before a hand came to cradle her face. She immediately felt herself relax into his touch just enough that she could take a breath.

“Hey, you’re okay. I got you,” he cooed. “I know you’re not ready for that, and that’s okay. Just take a deep breath.”

She still felt like she was gulping for air, but her body melted into his as he pulled her in for a hug. They just stood like that until she could regain control of her breathing. When she did, Paxton gently released her and Devi was honestly surprised by how disappointed she was to not be in his arms any longer.

“You good?” He asked cautiously. She nodded sheepishly. “Cool. Let’s get away from this so you can see what I have set up for you.”

She nodded again and let him take her hand to lead her deeper into the backyard. When she saw it, she couldn’t believe the relief that flooded her.

“A slip n slide?” She huffed out.

“A slip n slide!” He dropped her hand to raise his arms victoriously. “I looked up some stuff about phobias and I think it’ll help. It’s called exposure treatment. We’ll start slow and work your way up.”

“You researched phobias?”

“Well, yeah,” he nodded. “And I’ll be here for you the whole time.”

Devi felt herself smile. Paxton really took the time to try to figure out how to help her. No throwing her in the deep end of the pool, but actually holding her hand through this. Being by her side while they figured it out together. She couldn’t believe how lucky she felt to have him in her life at that moment.

It wasn’t a very fancy slip n side, most likely he’d had it in the shed since he and Becca were kids. It was still in good shape though and he’d placed it over a decline at the end that allowed for pooling of water. He had the hose running and ready, but when they stepped up to the start, it became infinitely more intimidating.

As though he could sense her apprehension, Paxton said, “how about I go first, and then you can try?”

She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat in order to respond. When she wasn’t successful, she nodded. Paxton gave her a weak grin, and reached out to squeeze her shoulder. It was probably a measure of reassurance, and it worked for a moment, but the minute his touch was gone, her nerves settled in again.

“Okay, so you want to get a running start so you go faster through the slide,” he told her, taking four to five steps back. “You ready?”

“Ready,” she choked out after a beat of silence.

Paxton took off, and dove smoothly onto the track. Devi felt her anxiety melt away as he slid down the track on his stomach. It was almost like watching his perfect strokes through the water, and something about watching him made her forget her fear. Then he crashed into the small wading pool at the end of the slide, and just like that Devi’s breath was stuck in her throat again, and it felt like a bucket of ice water was dumped over her head.

When Paxton stood up, he immediately sought her gaze for eye contact. Just as quickly, he seemed to notice how her panic rose again.

“Devi,” he called down to her. “You can do this, okay? Don’t think about the water, just focus on me.” She could feel how wide her eyes were and her mouth was starting to dry out as it hung open, but Paxton’s encouragement started to wear her down when he said, “Come to me, Devi. I got you.”

She took a steadying breath and barely nodded before stepping a few paces back like Paxton had. Paxton continued to cheer her on and beckon her to his open arms as she fought her body to cooperate with her. Finally, after another deep breath, Devi let out a guttural scream, her war cry, and ran toward the slide. She slid onto her stomach much like Paxton had and did not have the good sense to close her mouth until it was filled with hose water. It got her choked up again and it was difficult to catch her breath, but just as quickly as she started, she was plunged into the wading pool. Before she had a chance to panic-swallow more water, Paxton’s strong arms hauled her to a standing position and she collided with his chest in a tight hug.

“You did it!” He whispered triumphantly. “You did great, I’m so proud of you.”

“I did it,” she breathed, arms clutched tightly around his shoulders as though he would disappear if she let go. “I did it,” she repeated, a tear slipping down her cheek.

Devi and Paxton worked with the slip n slide for three more weeks, and it was amazing how quickly she was improving. Each time, Paxton was there to catch her at the end of the slide, and she grew more confident with each trip.

“So do you have plans this weekend?” Paxton asked, passing her a towel.

“Probably just studying for the history test,” she replied, drying her hair gently.

“With Gross?”

They hadn’t talked about Ben at all during their sessions. She had also skirted the issue of spending so much time with Paxton by telling her boyfriend that she’d been assigned a new student to tutor. She didn’t tell him it was Paxton. Things had been calm the last few weeks despite how crazy the first months of the semester had been. If she was honest, she hadn’t spent much time with or thought much about Ben that week at all. Things were going so well with Paxton and their sessions that she spent most of her time looking forward to the next time she’d be in his backyard in her bathing suit.

“Uh.. I don’t know. Probably him, Fab, and Eleanor, I guess,” she told him. “Or by myself. I don’t really have anything planned.”

“Would you…” he trailed off quietly before finding his voice again. “Would you maybe want to study here… with me?”

Devi felt herself smile. “Sure, I mean, my friends think I’m tutoring you anyway so that would make sense.”

“What?”

She breathed through another smile at how his brow furrowed, but rolled her eyes at herself before answering him. “I had to have a reason for why we’re talking so much more at school… so I told them I was tutoring you.”

Paxton’s head dropped as he huffed out a laugh. “You’re really good at lying, huh?”

“No! I just… get nervous about how people will react to stuff so sometimes it’s just easier to say something else.”

He nodded. “Well, you better tutor me then. ‘Cause if I fail this test, your whole story falls apart,” he said taking a step closer to her.

“Maybe you just don’t listen to me,” she grinned.

He took another step forward, this time into her personal space. “Impossible,” he countered, “have you met you?”

Devi’s smile grew before she realized how close Paxton really was to her. It wasn’t his actual proximity. They’d been closer physically than ever in these recent weeks, but something felt different that time. She could feel the heat radiating off of him and there was electricity in the air. He seemed to feel it too, and shook himself free before taking the towel back from her. That only allowed him to take in the full view of her from top to bottom, forcing Devi to close her eyes so she didn’t feel the full force of his gaze.

She heard Paxton swallow, then clear his throat, and then he took a step back. Devi chose then to meet his gaze, and found the same calculating look she’d now seen a total of three times. He had a depth she hadn’t previously credited him with. Now that she’d seen it, it was hard to ignore.

“Uh.. yeah, I think we could study together.”

Paxton grinned crookedly at her. “Cool,” he licked his lips before changing the subject. “Why don’t you go ahead and change, and then I’ll take you home.”

“That’s okay, I can I walk.” Devi said quickly. “I mean, I’d like to walk. Helps me clear my head.”

“Oh.. okay.”

Devi didn’t feel like she took another breath until she was shut in the bathroom of the Hall-Yoshida residence. Was Paxton really flirting with her? Did he really check her out like she thought he had? She’d been so wrong about so many of their encounters in the past, but… he did kiss her. Paxton Hall Yoshida was her first kiss and it was only a couple months ago. Maybe he really liked her. Maybe they —

A text message on her phone cut off her internal rambling. When she read it, her breath caught in her throat again:

Why are you at Paxton’s?

Fuck. Ben.

How could she forget about Ben? Here she was going down the Paxton rabbit hole again when she had Ben, her actual boyfriend. Things were different now though. She wasn’t sure exactly when they changed, but she knew they had.

She quickly typed out a response and then changed into her dry clothes.

***

“So Paxton is the student you’re tutoring?

“Uh.. yeah, kinda,” Devi told Ben. “Paxton is my friend, but I am helping him study.” It wasn’t technically a lie anymore now that they’d made plans for Saturday.

“Anything else you want to tell me?”

“What are you accusing me of, Ben?”

“Obviously, I’m the only one committed to this relationship. You’re still just drooling over some dick that wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole.”

Devi scoffed, as the wind left her sails. She knew Ben would be hurt, and she expected him to be jealous that she was spending time with Paxton. She didn’t expect him to say Paxton wouldn’t want anything to do with her. She didn’t expect him to imply that she wasn’t good enough for Paxton. Like Ben was doing her some great, big favor by dating her. Once a UN, always a UN, she guessed.

“You know, I came here ready to explain myself, ready to apologize. Maybe you’re right though. Maybe you’re the only one committed to this relationship. God knows, I don’t want to be in a relationship where it’s okay to talk to me like that.”

Ben’s eyes widened, and Devi watched the color drain from his face. “No, Devi, I didn’t mean” —

“You didn’t mean to, not accuse me of cheating on you, but instead, accuse me of so desperately wanting to cheat on you that I would be the lap dog to a different guy?”

Devi really thought Ben deserved an explanation. That was why she went to his house. She realized though, she didn’t owe him anything. Ben had been the constant ignition to Devi’s insecurities. She thought that would stop when they became boyfriend and girlfriend, but no. Instead, he wanted to keep them together by making her feel unwanted by anyone else. She knew better though.

“Devi” —

“You are seriously the textbook ‘nice guy,’ aren’t you?” She air quoted. “Well, I don’t need any of that. I think we’re done here.”

Ben is canceled.

Devi felt oddly satisfied when she sent the text to Fabiola and Eleanor. She thought she would feel guilty after their encounter, but honestly, she felt liberated. Ben had been there for her when no one else was, and he showed that he cared about her. Still, when confronted with the idea that she may want to spend time with someone else, he immediately turned on her. Red flag. Big red flag.

Her friends immediately made plans to have a sleepover at Eleanor’s the following night. They wanted all the details. When Devi happily supplied them, they encouraged her as enthusiastically as she expected.

“Yes, girl,” Eleanor cried, giving her snaps when she told them she wouldn’t let Ben talk to her that way.

“You’re a strong, independent woman, and you don’t need some small little white boy trying to keep you down,” Fabiola bolstered.

“Thanks, guys. That brings me to my next problem though.” And for the first time, she told her friends about when she and Paxton kissed, how her mom had yelled at them the next day and called Paxton stupid, and how he’d left her a voicemail because he’d come to see her while she was in Malibu with her family. They were shocked to say the least.

“So what’s your problem?”

“Wondering exactly how long the pole is that Paxton would touch you with?” Eleanor asked suggestively.

Nope, that is definitely not the issue, Devi thought as she recalled seeing Paxton in his underwear. No, she knew exactly how big a tent that pole could support. The question was, was she misinterpreting their relationship?

“No… I mean, do you think he could like me?”

“Well, he definitely liked you enough to kiss you, but you also chose Ben over him,” Fabiola recapped. “That’s a tough blow.”

“But he wants to spend time with Devi anyway,” Eleanor argued. “I mean, you guys have study sessions almost every afternoon.”

“Right,” Devi trailed off as she considered her encounters with Paxton since she and Ben started dating. How he’d been respectful of her relationship, never once putting Ben down or asking why she had decided to go out with him. She thought about what a good friend he’d been of late with their sessions. She thought about how close she felt to him, and how she wasn’t exaggerating their closeness like she had at the beginning of the school year. She didn’t need to dress up or fabricate the things he said or did to her anymore. Everything was really happening.

“Do you want us to come tomorrow and assess the situation?”

Devi considered Eleanor’s offer, but finally shook her head. “No, I think this is one I have to sort out myself.”

***

“Alright, who coined the term ‘Cold War’ in the British press in October 1954?” Devi asked, looking up at her companion.

“I don’t know… Russia?”

Her eyes narrowed. “No, George Orwell. You’re right, my reputation as a nerd and the best tutor in school is on the line.”

“Shut up, this stuff’s hard. We’re not all Devi Vishwakumar,” he bumped her with his elbow.

“You’re smart too though. How did you know all that stuff about Hinduism or phobias?”

“That’s different. That’s interesting stuff.”

Devi felt her cheeks heat up, and chose to stare at her textbook. Would Paxton find those things interesting if they weren’t directly related to her? Was it his way of saying that she was interesting or important to him? She chanced a glance toward him to see him was also very deliberately staring at his book. She briefly wondered why before he looked up sharply and slapped his knee.

“I guess we have a lot to get through then if we’re going to save your rep. Better get to it.”

“Yeah… for sure,” she said slowly before continuing to quiz him.

A couple hours, some poptarts and pizza rolls later, they had significantly improved Paxton’s knowledge of the subject matter. They both were thrilled with his progress.

“Okay, let’s come full circle,” Devi said. “Who coined the term ‘Cold War?’”

“George Orwell… in the British press… in 1954,” he finished sitting back in his chair confidently.

“Yes! Good job, dude. You picked up on this stuff, no problem!” She smiled.

“Well, you’re a good teacher,” he smiled back, leaning forward.

“You’re a good student,” she told him, biting her bottom lip and leaning forward towards him.

Paxton glanced at her lips briefly before licking his own. She thought, this was it. He was going to kiss her. Instead, Paxton blinked, his eyes staying closed a little longer than normal, and sighed before scooting his chair away from the table.

“Uh.. my parents won’t be home from work for a few hours, and Becca is at a friend’s house if you want to hangout some more,” he suggested, rubbing the back of his neck. “We could drag the slip n slide out?”

Devi smiled. “Umm… I think I’m ready for the next challenge.”

“Yeah?” Paxton asked disbelievingly. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I want to try.”

“Alright,” he smiled with a nod. “I’ll get changed and we’ll head out there.”

Once Devi was closed in the bathroom again, she pulled her suit out of her bag. Pink bikini, don’t fail me now.

After a quick change, and plucking any stray hairs, Devi opened the bathroom door to see Paxton waiting on the other side. Her confidence faltered as he took in her appearance. His brow nearly disappeared into his hairline, and she noticed him swallow before exhaling slowly.

“Is this okay?” She asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, totally okay,” he responded, finally meeting her eye. “I, uh, wanted to walk you out so we could avoid as strong a reaction as last time… We’re in this together, right?”

She nodded, appreciating his support. Together.

It seemed like such a good idea before. Before she was standing in front of a large container filled with water. Water that she would have to submerge herself in.

Already drowning in her own fear, Devi didn’t hear Paxton talking to her until she felt him take her hand.

“Hey, Devi,” he called, waving his other hand in her face. “Can you hear me?”

She blinked longer than usual to clear her head before finding his gaze again. “Yeah, sorry. I was just spiraling.”

“Listen, you don’t have to do this right now. There’s no pressure, okay?”

“I know,” she nodded, licking her lips apprehensively. “I want to do this. You won’t leave me, right?”

He smiled. “We’re in this together, Vishwakumar.”

With that, she carefully made her way up the steps, and stepped into the hot water. Paxton held her hand the whole way. The best part of using the hot tub? The heat further distracted her from her fear that she didn’t even realize Paxton was touching her for a moment. It wasn’t until she was sitting down and should have been relaxing that her anxiety began to spike again.

“Hey, breathe, okay? I’m right here,” Paxton’s hand slipped from hers to wrap around her shoulders.

Without thinking, without meaning to, Devi dropped her head into the crook of Paxton’s neck. Her arms clung to his waist desperately, willing her breathing to level out. She felt Paxton’s other arm come around to encircle her, and it had the very calming effect she assumed he intended. As her breathing returned to a normal pace, Devi found she felt almost sleepy. She felt warm, not because of the water, but inside. It was like her body was humming, like everything was fuzzy. She let out a deep sigh of relief, and felt Paxton shift slightly against her.

“Are you okay?” He whispered. She wondered if he could feel how peaceful things were in that moment. No, he probably just wanted to make sure she hadn’t passed out.

“Yeah,” she breathed. “This helps.”

“Yeah? Like watching me helps?”

“I can’t explain it, and I know it doesn’t make any sense especially because I’m such a disaster when we talk,” she rambled before taking a steadying breath, “but watching you, touching you, calms me down.”

Paxton took a shaky breath, and Devi pulled back slightly to look at him. His eyes were closed, cheeks flushed. She loved seeing him like this. Vulnerable, as though she affected him as much as he affected her. This time, she thought, I’ll kiss him.

Before Devi could lean forward, Paxton abruptly put space between them. One hand remained on her shoulder, but his head was hanging his eyes were closed.

“Devi,” he started before letting out a long sigh, “I am trying so hard. I mean, I love spending time with you and I want to be here for you. I want to be a good friend to you, but you’re killing me.”

“What?”

“You have a boyfriend,” he replied emphatically. “I don’t really know why, but you do. And all this,” he gestured between them, “feels a lot like cheating, and I’m not down for it.”

“Oh, no, no, no, no,” the words came tumbling out, “no, no, no. No, that’s on me. Paxton” —

“Devi, I like you,” he cut her off. “Not in the ‘I want to reinstate our sex agreement’ way, but like, I really like you. I hate studying! But you make it fun. I love the way you spit out that first five thoughts that pop into your head at any given moment. I love that you trust me to tell me your deepest fear that no one else knows, and I love that we’ve been able to work through it together. I don’t know if I can do this anymore though.”

“Sorry I didn’t interrupt, you really seemed like you were on a roll, but,” she paused to take another deep breath, “I don’t… have a boyfriend anymore.”

“What?”

“Things are different now. I broke up with Ben two days ago, and… I really like you too. I never wanted just sex from you. I just never thought we’d be here right now.”

“You don’t have a boyfriend?”

She shook her head, shyly looking down at the water. Her bottom lip found it’s way between her teeth, barely suppressing her smile. She felt his hand slip from her shoulder and snake it’s way around her waist. She looked up as he pulled her body into his so close that their breath mingled.

“Should we make another toast?” She asked nervously.

His forehead pressed against hers as he laughed. When he regained his composure, he looked in her eyes warmly. “Later.”

And for the second time, Paxton Hall-Yoshida’s lips were on hers, and it. was. electric. Somehow, it was even better than the first time. She felt everything else melt away, and it was just the two of them floating through space. Nothing else mattered for that moment. She wasn’t sure when she ended up in his lap, but she wound her arms around his neck all the same before her hands found his curly hair. Under other circumstances, she may have worried that her own hair had become so frizzy that he wouldn’t find her attractive. She realized though, she didn’t have to worry about that. No, as Paxton gripped her hips tighter, she knew very well that he was attracted to her.

This was everything she ever wanted, except it was better. Paxton’s hand came up to cradle her face as his tongue massaged hers in a way that made her spine tingle. Devi was so engrossed in having the greatest moment of her life, she didn’t hear the back door open.

“Wooooo!” Becca hollered as they jumped apart. “Finally!”

“Becca, get out of here!” Paxton yelled, splashing his sister. She laughed, making a comment about being safe as she went back inside.

“So… your sister’s home,” Devi said. They sat awkwardly for a moment before both breaking into a fit of laughter.

“Yeah, mood ruined, I guess.”

“Well, I know one thing: this is the happiest I’ve felt in any body of water in a year.”

He huffed out a laugh, eyes finding his lap before meeting her gaze again. “Happy to help.”

<< Part 2

#never have i ever #devi vishwakumar #paxton hall yoshida #daxton #nhie #paxton x devi #devi x paxton #never have i ever netflix #writing

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youngbeezer · 3 years

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hi!! can I please request something?

going to a lake house, maybe friends to lovers with bowen byram?

thank you! 💗.

A/N: HI IM SO SORRY THIS LITERALLY TOOK 4 EVER!!! i was having such bad writer's block with also zero motivation, but i eventually put a little something together and i hope whoever requested this first off actually sees this bc seriously its been a good month of this sitting in my inbox but also i hope you like it :)

Word Count: 2940

Warning(s): kinda angsty in beginning, curse words, ends fluffy !!!

masterlist || join my taglist

These next few days is either going to turn out to be the best week of the summer, or the most awkward week of the summer...

I’m currently stuck in a car surrounded by couples on our way to a lake house in Colorado. Somehow I ended up being lumped into this chaotic group of professional hockey players and their drop-dead gorgeous significant others.

About a year ago at my local salon, I just so happened to be seated right next to a woman named Grace, who I immediately hit it off with. We became fast friends and are now basically inseparable at this point. Her boyfriend just so happens to play hockey for the Colorado Avalanche, Cale Makar. Now I have also grown quite close with Cale as well, since I am always at their shared apartment for Grace. At this point Cale is basically third wheeling us, instead of it being the other way around. Therefore I was also always invited to team parties and get-togethers, which prompted more friendships with most of the guys on the team and their respective partners.

Someone I have surprisingly grown super close with is Bowen Byram. As soon as Cale introduced us two, his blue eyes and raspy voice immediately drew me in. Straight away we bonded over common interests and that night we talked for almost three hours. After that, we were thick as thieves. So thick that recently I have come to the realization that I have caught major feelings for him along the way.

It has only been a few weeks since I have come to this realization and it has already started to affect our relationship. I definitely started to ignore Bowen a little bit when I first figured out my feelings because I was scared he would somehow find out or I would just end up blurting it out at some point. And the last thing I want is for my silly feelings to ruin such a great friendship.

Thus why this week can either turn out to be the best or the worst.

I’ve decided that at some point during this trip I need to confess my feelings for Bowen. He’s also seemed to notice the shift in my attitude towards him. I have become more closed off and not as touchy as we used to be. Bowen and I are both very touchy/feely types of people. So what seemed like just some harmless cuddling and play wrestling with each other, to me did very little to quell down my feelings.

For example, this morning when we were packing up the cars for the trip a group of us are taking to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse, Bowen went to wrap his arms around my middle from the back and I subconsciously flinched away at his touch. I know he definitely noticed my mood shift from the defiant pout that was resting on his face. After that I did what I do best, and ran away to the other car that was driving up and basically begged Nate to switch seats with me.

Which now leads to my current thoughts. The entire car ride up I have been contemplating on ways I could tell him, but each scenario just ended up with him telling me that he doesn’t feel the same, and our friendship essentially being over. Obviously I was just overthinking just a little, but I’ve never been stuck in a situation like this before-- and now we are going to be stuck in a lake house together for an entire week, so I am going to be forced to face this situation whether I want to or not.

“Yo. Earth to y/n?” Tyson draws, trying to gain my attention. I snap out of my thoughts as soon as I hear my name, and bring my gaze to the rearview mirror to meet Tyson’s questioning look. “We’re here.” He announces.

Susanna, Mikko’s girlfriend, adds on, “You alright? You seemed kind of out of it the entire car ride.”

I shake my head to try and clear my thoughts and notice that we are indeed here at the lake house we will be staying at for the next week. I clear my dried up throat before croaking out a weak, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just don’t like long car rides.”

Both of them nod, content with my answer and exit the car to join Mikko in unloading all of the luggage from the trunk. I take a few more moments to fully get my head together after dealing with all my jumbled thoughts throughout the entire three hour car ride.

Jumping out of the car, the first thing I see is Bowen letting out a yawn and stretching out. As his arms raise over his head, some of his shirt rises up with it and immediately my eyes are drawn to the small portion of skin and v-line that is in front of me. Bowen then notices my presence and makes eye contact with me, giving me one of his adorable little smiles. I advert my gaze as quickly as I can so my obvious ogling isn’t as obvious and go to finally retrieve my luggage.

Yeah this was gonna be a long week.

…

After everyone got pretty much all settled into their rooms, we all ended up coming back together to sit around the firepit to chat and enjoy some drinks. For this trip that Tyson orchestrated there are in total ten people staying in the house. Me, Tyson, obviously since it’s his house; Bowen, Cale, Grace, Alex Newhook, Mikko and his girlfriend Susanna, and lastly Nate and his supposed new girl who will be joining us later on in the week.

Apparently a group of the guys and their partners have been taking trips together at the end of the hockey season for a while now, and since growing closer with the team this year, I graciously got an invite.

Since it was getting later and a little bit more chilly, I grabbed a random sweatshirt that I saw already laying around in the living room before making my way outside to join everyone by the firepit. Getting closer I noticed that the only seat available just so happened to be next to Bowen.

Cale and Grace give each other a not so inconspicuous knowing look when they see me approaching. As soon as I sit down, a question is being thrown at me.

“Whose sweatshirt is that y/n?” Cale brings everyone's attention to me with a growing smirk on his face.

“I don’t know, I just found it in the living room.” I give Cale a questioning glare, trying to figure what his endgame is right now.

“It’s mine.” I hear that same raspy voice that I love and know so well. I feel my face start heating up at the idea of wearing Bowen’s sweatshirt. Am I wearing his name on my back right now, and I just didn’t even think to check earlier?

“Oh, uh. Sorry, I can give it back to you, if you want it.” I stumble out, now feeling awkward and a little embarrassed about how flustered I am getting over a simple sweatshirt.

Bowen gives me a little smile before replying back, “Nah, it’s fine. It looks better on you anyway.”

I clear my throat and stumble out an awkward ‘thanks’ at Bowen and then turn my attention to Grace right next to me so I don’t embarrass myself even more. What I don’t see though is the way Bowen's face immediately falls when I turn my back on him.

…

Around midnight is when everyone started to make their way back inside the house to start getting ready for bed. I was mindlessly scrolling through my social media, so I didn’t notice that mostly everyone had already gone inside.

“Y/n.” I look up at the mention of my name to notice that Bowen and I are the only ones left outside.

Also noticing the intense gaze I am receiving from Bowen, I quickly gather my things and stumble out, “Oh my gosh I didn’t notice everyone left already. I should head inside as well.”

Bowen is quicker though because he grabs ahold of my wrist, halting me in place before I make my very obvious escape.

“Hold on, please. Can you please talk to me?” Bowen pleads out.

“What do you mean? We’ve been talking all night.” I countered, trying one last time to get out of this conversation.

“We’ve been talking as a group all night yeah, but you couldn’t even make eye contact with me. You know what I mean. What’s been going on? Did I do something?” Bowen frowned.

At that moment I felt so guilty. I’ve been so focused on trying to ignore my feelings that I have developed that I ended up pushing my best friend away and hurting him in the process. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. I knew I would eventually have to have this talk with Bowen during this week, but I just didn’t expect it to be on the very first night.

“Okay. Yeah, let’s talk.”

I lead the way down to the dock overlooking the lake and sit down to dangle my feet into the water. I know for a fact that Grace and Cale realized that we both haven’t come in behind them, so they are most likely snooping by the backdoor wondering what we are doing.

Bowen joins me, after slipping his shoes off and dangling his feet in as well.

“What’s been going on y/n?” Bowen asks again.

“I-I think I’m in love with you.” I blurt out. I can feel my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I await any type of response from Bowen. Taking a peek over at him, I see the pure shock on his face. Probably wasn’t the best idea to start off the conversation with that.

Taking his silence as a bad sign, I start spewing out whatever I can to try and calm the anxiety coursing through my veins. “I-I think I have known for a while and I just tried to ignore it, I guess. But then I realized that I was just pushing you away, an-and I never wanted to do that. Our friendship means that absolute world to me, and I would hate myself if anything I did, or-or my stupid feelings jeaporized that.” At some point during my little rant, a few tears escaped. I turn my head away as I try to hold back on a full on sob breaking loose.

“You think?” He eventually breaks the silence.

Confusedly, I turned my head back around and let out a strangled, “Huh?” I see the corners of Bowen’s mouth start curving up into a tiny smile, confusing me even more.

“You said, you think you’re in love with me.” He pointed out.

My eyebrows raise in question and I give him a little shrug, prompting him to elaborate more.

“Well… I’m pretty damn sure I’m in love with you.” Bowen softly declared.

My breath catches in my throat and my mouth turns as dry as the Sahara Desert. Those were definitely not the words I was expecting to come out of his mouth. He chuckles at my surprised face and scooches a little closer to my body to wipe a stray tear on my cheek.

“Are you serious?” I whisper out.

“Of course.” He whispered just as softly back to me as his head inched closer to mine.

My heart pounds in my chest as Bowen’s hand comes up to cradle my cheek. All of our pent up feelings and emotions that we both have been too afraid to admit all come crashing together as our lips finally meet. He kissed me gently, almost carefully, but after all this time gentleness was not what I wanted right now. Bowen let out a low groan as I pulled him flush against my body, my fists bunching up the collar of his shirt.

Before this could go any further, we both pull away breathlessly, basking in what truly just happened-- just now realizing how much our relationship is about to change.

“Fuck.” Bowen breathed out, running his hands over his face. “If I knew that was what it was like to kiss you I would’ve blurted out my feelings the day I met you.”

My ears perk up at his last few words and it seems like he also realizes what he just admitted, as his cheeks immediately turn a rosy color.

“You’ve liked me for that long?” I bashfully question.

Bowen runs his fingers through his hair and blows out a breath of air before answering, “Yeah, I-I mean… yeah I have.” He stumbles out, awkwardly letting out a laugh.

I lean my head on his shoulder and connect our hands, feeling super content and never wanting this moment to end. We take a moment to just sit on the dock-- with our feet hanging in the water, hands intertwined; and bask in the feeling of finally letting our feelings out into the open.

“You know everyone in that house is going to have a field day when they find out.” Bowen mumbles against my shoulder, before leaving a lingering kiss on the exposed skin.

“Oh I wouldn’t be surprised if they all had a bet going or something.” I chimed. I raise my head that had previously been resting on Bowen’s shoulder back up to look at him, and see that he is already smiling at me. “What?” I drawled, feeling my cheeks heating up under his gaze.

“You wanna sleep in my bed tonight?” He asked hesitantly.

My cheeks now feel on fire as I ponder on how I want to go about this. I raise my eyebrows up at him in question as I ponder out, “Do you want me in your bed tonight?”

Bowen gives me an almost incredulous look as he voiced, “Of course I want you in my bed.”

I just give him a simple nod and push my body up in a standing position, reaching out my hand to prompt Bowen to join me. “Okay, let’s go.”

Bowen immediately shoots up from his sitting position, clinging onto my hand as we make our way back up the yard to the sliding glass doors of the lake house. Just as I predicted earlier, Cale and Grace were totally snooping. Actually, the entire house was snooping. Everyone was gathered in the kitchen trying to act casual as we walked in, but as soon as they noticed our conjoined hands, all hell broke loose.

“I fucking knew it!”

“Aw you guys look so cute.”

“Bout time.”

“Ha! Nate, you owe me fifty bucks.”

I looked over at Bowen with an unimpressed look, “Told you they probably had a bet going on.” Meanwhile Bowen has an incredulous look coating his face watching his friends freak out over his newfound relationship. Instead of questioning our oddball friends, Bowen just simply shakes his head, letting out a little chuckle.

“Alright I’m heading up, I can’t deal with these idiots right now.” Bowen gives me a quick peck on the lips before announcing his departure for the night. Most of the others also start making their way up to their respective rooms for bed, the guys putting on a show of making kissy noises and making a few chirps as they follow Bowen up the stairs.

Grace joins me by the counter, making a show of wiggling her eyebrows at me. I’m smiling like an idiot as Cale also joins us, chuckling at my lovesick expression.

“You’re welcome.” Cale smirked.

I scrunch my face up in confusion as I question him back, “For what?”

“For introducing you two, duh.” Cale teased. Grace smacks him on the arm with a tut, making a show of rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. “Alright, seriously I am happy for you guys though.” He eventually relents.

My cheeks heat up from the attention but also from the thought of Bowen and I’s new relationship. Grace grabs me by the shoulders and starts pushing me in the direction of the staircase.

“Obviously I’m happy for you too. All I’ve wanted is the best for you and I think Bowen is just that. And with that being said, go get your mans!” She sends me off with a quick smack on my ass. I giggle the whole way up the stairs on the way into Bowen’s [now our] room feeling extremely giddy and content.

When I enter the room, all the lights except for the bathroom are already off, and it looks like Bowen is already settled into bed. So, I quickly do my night time routine and change into my pajamas before making my way over to the bed I will now be sharing for the week.

Bowen is awaiting me with his arms wide open, which I happily cuddle into the second I am under the covers. He buries his head into my neck, leaving featherlight kisses here and there.

“I love you.” Bowen mumbles into my neck. I card my fingers through his hair and kiss the top of his head as I mumble back those same words, in complete awe over how fast my life has changed in one night. We both knew that we would eventually be together, it just took a little time and a trip to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse for us to figure it out. This week will definitely be one for the books.

Taglist: @barzysandmarnersbitch @handwrittenheroes @hockeyplayerstories @barzy-xoxo @gnemgn @joelsfarabees

Tagging some mutuals as well so this doesnt flop,,,

@2manytabsopen @bb-nhlqueen7 @frederikanderson @simon-edvinsson @coltonndach @carepriceisgoodathockey @lovereadinghockeyy @pettypeteys @kentjohnsons @joekellys @mattybenierss

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ecoamerica · 22 days

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flowingwithwater · 4 years

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A/N: One shot, kinda long, enjoy xx

Summary: Nat is R’s trainer, R is on love. They go on a mission, R gets hurt protecting Nat. Nat feels guilty but R tells her, she’d do it again - fluff follows.

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Words: ~ 5k

“Again. Get up and throw a punch. C’mon y/n” it took everything in you to not roll your eyes at the antics of your trainer. You had been going at it for a couple of hours now and honestly you were beat. Laying on the mat you looked up at the beautiful women. She was looking down on you, a slight sheen of sweat covering her face and collarbones. For a second you zoned out just looking at her until you felt her kicking your feet.

“What’s wrong? Already in dream land? Get up. One more round and then we’ll have lunch.” At the mere thought of food your felt adrenaline rush through your body and you jumped up excitedly. A slight chuckle coming from the other woman, “if only the success of training had that effect on you.”

“Well, what can I say?” You started getting in position. “getting punched in the face by an assassin is just not really motivating.” A smirk grew on your opponents face and the feeling it caused in your gut made you blush a little. God, there was nothing she could do that wouldn’t be absolutely fucking hot.

“Show me what you got and maybe I’ll allow you to have dessert.” she winked. She winked at you. The flirting between the two of you had been going on for a while. Ever since your first mission together, in which you had gotten to know each other on a more personal level, there was always something in the air.

You couldn’t decipher whether she meant what she said or if it was simply fun to her. But what you did know, was that it had caused you to fall head over heels for the woman. Not that you would tell her. Or anyone for that matter.

Refocusing on the fight ahead of you, you lifted your fists to somehow cover your face. Jumping back and forth on the tip o your feet, you prepared to make the first move.

You had learned quickly that if you would wait for her to start, the result would be a lot more painful. So, to avoid any broken bones you went for her face. Of course, you hit the air, you don’t think you’ve ever actually gotten her. Not even close. But that didn’t bother you, she was still the freaking Black Widow and you were a simple Agent.

The two of you exchanged some punches with almost none of them landing, until suddenly Natasha stopped in her tracks.

“All right let’s have lunch” she moved her hand towards the exit of the gym, and you were confused. Looking at her skeptically, your fists slacked, and your posture slumped.

“Uh,” you started uncertainly, “okayyyy. Let’s go…then.” slowly, really slowly you moved your back towards her only breaking eye contact once it was physically impossible to keep it. She was planning something, you were sure. You don’t remember a single incident when she would stop a fight just like that. Without a winner. No, something was going on here.

And just when that thought left your mind you were pulled back while you tripped backwards over her legs. Landing with a harsh sound on the floor. Her face came into view and she was smirking.

“Remember, always be aware of your surroundings!”

This time you rolled your eyes. “That was totally unfair, and you know it. No real enemy would just stop in the middle of a fight and then pull some shit like that.” you huffed when she outstretched her hand and pulled you up.

“Life is not fair. You and I both know that.” With a smile she dropped your hand, and you immediately missed it. She turned away from you and picked up her water bottle.

While she was drinking you took her in. How her neck moved when she drank the water, how there was a little more sweat now and one or two drops rolled down her neck and disappeared in her shirt. Your eyes moved down her body, her shoulders her arms, her butt…

Quickly you averted your eyes. You’re not a creep. It’s not normal to stare at a friend like that and you needed to stop. It wasn’t going to get you anywhere. Shaking yourself out of your stupor you went to grab a towel and your bag.

“I’ll take a shower real quick and then I’ll meet you in the common room, yeah?” Sending her one last smile you left the room while taking a deep breath. Walking away, you missed her eyes wandering down your body until you were out of her sight.

------

After a quick (cold) shower, you got dressed in some comfy clothes and made your way downstairs. You were one of the few simple agents that lived in the facility. But since you had literally nothing and no one, your job was your life and therefore it only made sense to live there.

When you proposed that to the other Avengers, they were happy about it. You didn’t really work with them much, except maybe Clint and Natasha but over time you had become great friends with them, and Tony was more than willing to design a room just for you.

Walking in the kitchen you saw Natasha already sitting at the counter, her hair up in a loose bun with some strands falling in her face. You kind of wanted to move them behind her ear so they wouldn’t bother her while reading the file in her hands. The file. You almost didn’t see that. Making your way over to her you asked,

“What’s that? You got a mission?”

She looked up at you and smiled softly. “No, we got a mission. It’s an easy one, but we’ll have to stay at a safe house for three days. We’re leaving tonight” staying at a safe house with her made you nervous. It wouldn’t be the first time you would have to do that, but since your feelings have only gotten stronger you were unsure how this was going to play out.

Swallowing your nerves, you plastered a big smile on your face. “Sounds like fun. But on to more important matters, what’s for lunch.” Eliciting a laugh from the redhead you couldn’t help but smile at her.

You loved her laugh. She didn’t do it very often, but it made your heart melt every time. It felt special when you were the one causing it. Smiling to yourself you turned around and made your way to the kitchen with Natasha following you closely.

-----

“Ugh, this is the worst.” huffing you threw your bag on one of the two beds in the safe house. “How can we have so much money and our safe houses look like this.” exasperated you flopped down on the bed and moved your arm to cover your face.

“Oh, c’mon. We’ve had worse, don’t you remember Louisiana last year?” she asked with a slight smirk on her face.

“Oh god, don’t remind me. You’re right, that was the worst one, but this right here is a close second.” you moved your arm away from your face and your eyes searched the room until they landed on Natasha. She was unpacking some of her stuff.

For a moment you got lost in her movements. It was always mesmerizing to watch her do anything. She was never unsure of a single move and everything looked so elegant yet so lethal.

You groaned internally, she was only putting away some of her clothes and that’s what you were thinking? How can someone be so obsessed with another person?

Trying to distract yourself, you got up and made your way to the kitchen. “Hopefully, they filled the fridge. I’ll make us dinner and then we can go over the plan for tonight.” Not waiting for an answer, you opened the fridge and saw an acceptable amount of food. You were sure you could make something nice and immediately your thoughts were completely enraptured by your cooking plans.

After a couple of minutes of cooking, you felt the presence of the other woman behind you. She was quiet, which wasn’t new to you. While you considered Natasha a good friend, talking about deeply personal things was never something you had done. Not that you weren’t both interested but knowing how much both of you had on their plate, it just didn’t seem to be an easy conversation.

That’s why her next question surprised you. “So, what exactly got you to move into the Avengers facility?” she sounded so nonchalant, it took you a minute to figure out what to say.

Sensing your hesitation, she quietly said “You don’t have to answer that. I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

You turned around, and when you saw her looking at you intently your lips quirked up a bit. She looked beautiful in this light and you couldn’t help but just stare at her. She didn’t seem to mind because she did the exact same thing to you.

In this atmosphere you felt extremely safe. You always did when she was around, so you wanted to tell her everything about yourself. You just wanted her to know you and your story.

“I don’t have anything but this job. My father was an asshole and my mom died when I was very young. I lived with an aunt, but we never really got along, so I moved out when I was 16 and took my chances. I applied for this weird program that would assure you a job and financial help, you just had to pass some test. I passed it and just like that I was in the middle of S.H.I.E.L.D. It took me a while to climb the levels because I struggled with my social skills. I basically failed every single test about undercover work.” a light laugh left your mouth and when you looked up you saw green eyes focused entirely on you and what you were saying.

“Anyway, a while later I was introduced to one Clint Barton. He was great and we got along very well, but he was in the special division and I was not. So, we didn’t have a lot of jobs together. But we hung out and stuff. Until he was called on this highly secretive mission in Budapest. I think his job was to exterminate an enemy but instead he brought her into S.H.I.E.L.D and she became one of, if not the best Agent. I’m not sure if you know her, she can be quite annoying.”

A washcloth hit your face and you started laughing. “You’re an idiot.” shaking her head, Natasha moved around you to get the dishes for the table. When she was right next to you, she paused and lifted her head.

“Thanks for telling me that. I appreciate it.” it was barely a whisper. She was so close, and it wouldn’t have taken much for you to kiss her. Two, maybe three inches and your lips would have touched hers.

Instead, you cleared your throat and moved away. “Well, uh you’re welcome. Set the table, I’ll bring the food in a second.”

Natasha looked at you for a while longer and then decided to just do what you had said. It almost seemed like she was reluctant to move. When she left the kitchen, you leaned against the counter and let out a long sigh. Slowly, you moved to get the food and carried it to the table, where the redhead was patiently waiting for you.

----

After dinner it was time to get ready. Both of you put your suits on and attached all the necessary weapons to it. You had some guns, but your favorites were always the knives. It was easier to move with them and quite honestly, you were also fucking good at it.

When you were finished, the two of you left the house and made your way towards the building you’d have to infiltrate in order to get some intel on some rich dude selling alien weaponry.

“Okay listen, we’ll go in, get the intel and get the hell out of there. No unnecessary fighting and no casualties but also, no captures. Someone comes for you, end it. Try not to die and we’ll be fine.”

A dry chuckle left your lips and you looked over at the redhead, “Wow, Nat. Your pep talks are almost as good as Steve’s.” She didn’t look at you, but you could see that small smile you liked so much. It made you happy and you couldn’t help but smile as well.

If only you could see that more often. Yes, the two of you spend a lot of time together, but there always seems to be some kind of barrier. There were moments in the past, when you felt like you were getting even closer, but every time she would pull away and not talk to you for a couple of weeks, finding excuses as to why she couldn’t train you that day.

Right now, you were in a good space. It had been a couple of months since that last happened and you had to admit it was the worst one. She wouldn’t talk to you; she wouldn’t look at you. It was hell and that was the time you realized your feelings were a lot more than just a crush.

You had made a plan to not let her back in if she decided to come back with an apology, but when she knocked on your door in the middle of the night, nervous as you’d never seen her, you couldn’t help yourself but forgive her.

So now, here you were. On a mission with you constantly thinking about her, knowing you were in love with her and not being able to keep your eyes off of her.

----

“The hallway is clear.” you whispered into your comms. Getting into the building was surprisingly easy and both of you were a little suspicious. But the mission had to be completed, so you continued to be careful.

“All right. Come back here and cover me while I retrieve the data.” you could here her voice in you ear. Nodding your head, you quietly walked back to where she was. Locking eyes and nodding in confirmation that the two of you were fine, you entered a room that looked like a control room.

While Nat put her gun away and walked to one of the computers, you turned around and made sure no one was coming. It was quiet. Too quiet. You were beginning to get concerned, checking the hallway again your turned around to her “Something feels off, Nat. Maybe we should go.”

Just when you finished your sentence, you heard a loud bang coming from the other side of the hallway. You were about to say something else when you heard Nat moving. “All right, got it. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Getting your guns out you made your way towards the exit. No one was in your way. There were no soldiers or agents or weapons. It was weird and that feeling in your stomach wasn’t dissipating.

“Nat, this is weird.” You turned your head to look back at her and that’s when you saw him. A lone Agent with a freaking sword in his hand, charging towards the two of you.

Without thinking you stepped in front of Natasha and were about to shoot when the sword lodged itself into your side. There was no pain and you barely registered the sword, until you pulled the trigger and it was removed by the body falling to the ground. All that happened within a single second.

“Y/n!” Nat was quick to catch you, before you fell on the ground. Her gun still raised she inspected your wound with a shaking hand. She was panicking.

“I’m fine Nat. I don’t think it hit anything vital. It just hurts like a bitch.” groaning, when she put pressure on your wound, you tried to reassure her.

She was frantic in her movements. You don’t even think she heard you or registered that you were talking. To calm her, you reached up to touch her cheek. “Nat, I am fine. Let’s just go, so nothing else happens.”

That helped and suddenly she stopped moving and looked down at you. Leaving was easier said than done. Just as you were about to move the sound of footsteps made you halt your movements. Locking eyes with Nat you both knew that there was a change of plans.

“Nat, we need to leave. Now.” Your hand was wrapped around her shoulders while she held on to you, trying not to touch your wound.

“They are probably blocking our point of entry. We can’t just go there with you hurt like that. Do you remember another exit?” she was nervous. You could feel her heartbeat from being so close and her hand on your waist kept squeezing in a rhythm almost as if she was trying to ground herself through your touch.

“There is no other exit, but I have an idea. If we get close enough, we can just blow them up and get out of here. I have three grenades on me.”

“You brought grenades? Are you fucking kidding me? You know those things are unpredictable, what if you get blown up while fighting hand to hand?” she whisper-screamed at you. Her face was set, and she was in full trainer mode. You rolled your eyes, wincing when you moved your body a little bit.

“Give me a break. Now is not the time. I have a fucking sword wound, I am losing blood and you want to lecture me about grenades? Just grab them and blow these assholes up so we can leave.” At the mention of your wound Nat’s face turned to a worried frown again.

“Okay, okay. Let’s got.”

With a groan, caused by the pulsating pain in you side, you walked towards the exit as fast as you could. Before you turned the corner, Nat guided you to the ground.

“Hey, hey what are you doing? Help me back up!” you couldn’t stop her from pushing you down, it was simply too much pain.

“You can’t fight, obviously. So, I’m going to throw the grenades and take care of possible survivors and then I’ll get you.” She was about to stand up, but you pulled her back down by her arm. Fear enveloped you heart. You didn’t know how many people were out there and there was no way you’d let her fight all of them alone.

“No! Nat, listen. We don’t know how many there are and what if it’s too many, what if the grenades don’t do shit. I can’t let you go alone.” At this point you were desperate for her to listen to you, but she was already reaching around you to get the three grenades.

Before she pulled away completely, she put her hand on your cheek and looked at you as if you were the most precious thing on this planet.

“You can’t help right now. I got this; I promise. So, you just sit here and be pretty and let me handle this, okay?” her eyes pierced yours and there was nothing but sincerity, love and a little bit of worry in them. Enraptured by her beautiful eyes you leaned into her touch and nodded slightly.

With one last look at you, she stormed off. All you could do was lean your head against the wall, put pressure on you wound and hope to the gods, that the woman you were in love with would come back to you.

After a couple of minutes of silence, you were almost happy when you heard the grenades go off. At least that meant she was still alive. Now you just had to wait a little while longer.

You listened closely, trying to make out any sounds; guns, fighting, anything. But it was completely silent except your own shallow breath.

‘This is taking too long. Something is wrong’ With a loud groan you moved to get up, just as you were about to try and stand up, a pair of warm hands landed on your shoulders. You looked up and there she was. Covered in debris but still beautiful as ever.

Seeing her made you realize how scared you really were. Tears started gathering in your eyes, you closed them and took a deep breath.

The two hands helped you up and one of her arms sneaked back around your waist. Leaning your head against hers you quietly whispered, “Thank God.”

The way back to the safe house took longer than expected, since you still couldn’t walk properly. But after what felt like hours, you were finally back in the warmth of the house and you couldn’t help but be glad to be back in this dump of a place.

“Come on, we need to clean the wound.”

Her voice seemed to be very far away and you realized you almost dozed of on the way here. She almost carried you at this point and you felt bad, so you quickly shifted your weight back on your legs.

In the bedroom, you sat down with a hiss. Her hands left your body and she quickly walked to the bathroom to get some stuff for you wound.

“Take your shirt off please and lay down.” You heard her voice a little clearer now and you did as you were told. Laying on the bed you mind drifted back to the moment you got stabbed. Even though it hurt like a bitch, a small smile grazed your lips at the thought of having saved her life. Honestly, you’d do it again in less than a heartbeat.

A dip on the side of the bed, made you open your eyes to look at Natasha. She was focused on cleaning you wound, as soon as the disinfectant touched your tender skin you couldn’t help but draw a sharp breath in.

“I’m sorry, but we have to clean it. I’m sorry.” Nat sounded terrible. Well, her voice was still beautiful, but it was laced with worry. You couldn’t help but scan her face.

Her brows were formed to a frown and her lips kept moving, apologizing repeatedly. Moving your arm without thinking, your fingers settled between her brown and smoothed the skin there.

“It’s okay. It just hurts.” You tried to reassure her, and it seemed like your touch was working. Her hands stilled and she moved into the touch of you hand. After two or three long breaths, her eyes moved to your face.

“I’m done. You should get some rest now and tomorrow we’ll clean it again.”

“What about you? Are you hurt?” you couldn’t see any wounds but you had to be sure. With a soft smile she answered.

“Just a little dirty from your grenades. I’ll take a shower and then go to bed as well. Rest, your tired, I can see that. Close your eyes, okay. Good Night.”

And with that she got up, gathered all the medical equipment, and moved away from the bed. Sighing you gave up the fight and finally closed your eyes to fall into a deep slumber.

Opening your eyes, you looked around. It was still dark outside and you could see Natasha sleeping in the bed opposite from you. Realizing you woke up because you had to pee, you started moving into a sitting position.

A soft groan left your lips, but quietly so you wouldn’t wake up Natasha. Moving fucking hurt. After getting your left leg off the side of the bed, you slowly moved the rest of you body to follow. A couple of hisses later and you were standing, albeit shakily, but you were standing up.

“What are you doing, y/n?” Hearing sheets ruffle, it was only a couple of second later, that warm hands found their way to support you.

Guilty, you looked up “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, but I uhm…I have to, you know, pee.” Your were thankful it was dark, the proximity of the woman was bad enough but her trying to help you use the toilet, which you were sure she would do, made you blush like an idiot.

“Alright let’s got.” She said matter-of-factly. Without meeting her eyes you nodded and started walking towards the bathroom. You dreaded what was about to happen. You didn’t want this woman to see you pee, that was a 5-year relationship step.

To try and make this a little less awkward, you tried to crack some jokes. Honestly, you just wanted to hear her laugh. She was quiet, and not the “I am tired”-quiet but the “I feel guilty because you got hurt because of me and now I’ll help you however I can”-quiet.

But she didn’t even move her lips. There was no amusement, and she was definitely not in the mood to laugh. It made you a little sad but also you were worried. Natasha needed to know that you did not blame her in any way. It was not her fault.

The rest of the torture of using the toilet was spent in silence. Just when she helped you lay down, did you grab her hand before it moved too far away.

“Nat, this isn’t your fault. Stop beating yourself up, okay. I’ll be fine. And just so you know, getting sworded was on my list of ways to get injured anyways, so check.” Your thumb drew patterns on her hand but she still didn’t look at you. “Nat, please. Smile. I really need you to smile right now.”

There was no reaction. She didn’t look at you and she didn’t move either. You realized your words wouldn’t get through her thick scull so you did the only thing you could.

You shuffled towards the other side of the bed and pulled her with you at the same time. She was hesitant, but she slowly followed your lead and laid down beside you.

There was no touching except your hand on her lower arm, still drawing patterns. It was silent except for the sound of both of you breathing.

You felt at ease, there was no pain. All you could feel was her laying next to you. That was everything you have wanted for the past year. But this was not how you imagined it. You didn’t want her to feel guilty or sad. You wanted her to enjoy it, just like you did.

“Why did you do it? You could’ve let him just stab me. Why would you jump in the way?” her voice way quiet, hard to hear.

Now you were angry. Was she serious? It was not like you expected her to know about your feelings for her or the fact that you would literally die for her, no. But you did expect her to know that she means something to you and that you would protect however you could.

“Are you serious, Nat? I mean all these years of training and you can’t figure out why I took a fucking sword for you? I did it because I’d rather die, than see you get hurt. There is literally nothing on this fucking planet that I wouldn’t do to protect you. And if you haven’t figured that out by now, you are stupider than I thought possible.”

Okay, whew. That was maybe a little over the line. But you couldn’t help it. At this point, she should’ve known that you would do something like that.

Movement to your left startled you a little bit, especially when all of a sudden you were looking up into those beautiful eyes you regularly dream about.

“I know why you did it, because it’s the same reason why I’d do it for you. I can’t see you get hurt, okay. Especially for me. That is not an option, because if you think that you would die before something happened to me, I would murder every single human being on this planet to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt.”

You didn’t know what to say. Did she just say, she felt the same way? Wait, did she just say she would annihilate the human race to protect you?

“Wow Nat, every single human being? That is a lot of people, you know. Need some help with that?”

Finally, you saw her lips move up in a smile. Finally, she was responding and fucking finally you felt like this might be the beginning of something. But before you could say anything else, she took the word.

“You are an absolute idiot.” With a final smile, she moved to grab you face and softly pressed her lips to yours. It was a soft kiss; she didn’t want to hurt you. But you could not get enough. It was like a fire erupted in your core and you moved to pull her even closer.

Pushing up, the kiss got more forceful. It was like a year of pent-up emotions all pouring out into this one kiss. One of her arms moved down your side, careful to not touch your wound, as she slowly pulled away.

Keeping her as close as you could, you smiled brightly at her.

“This was awesome, can we do it again?” with a soft chuckle, Natasha pressed another soft peck to your lips, before moving away again.

“As soon as you’re all healed up, okay. For now, let’s just sleep.”

“okay” you whispered softly. Slowly Nat moved to lay her head on the same pillow you were laying on. Taking your hand and intertwining your fingers she pressed a soft kiss to your cheek.

“And don’t think just because this is going on, I’ll go less hard on you in training. This has no influence on any of that.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Content and happy, you closed your eyes with the feeling of the redhead cuddled in your side. Fucking finally this was happening. Fucking finally, you had someone, fucking finally you had her.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #avengers #fanfic #reader insert #fluff #natasha romanov x reader #natasha romanoff #fem!reader

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nonagesimus · 3 years

Note

oh queer sam prompts? how about sam coming out to castiel <3

The thing about growing up in each other’s pockets was Dean knew just about every tell Sam had.

At first Sam had been glad it was finally being used on something that had a lighter weight to it. After Ruby and the demon blood, letting Lucifer out of the cage, just everything, Dean catching on to Sam having a bit of a crush? That was fine. That was great, actually, Dean could let off some steam, and sure he wasn’t being quiet about it, but Sam wasn’t worried about Bobby knowing, and Castiel never seemed to pick up on anything Dean was laying down.

Which was a good thing, he was pretty sure.

Still, after the fourth joke in two hours about Sam getting on his knees to pray to Cas every night, he decided it’d be a good idea to get some air.

The backseat of the Impala was always equal parts comforting and stifling. Sam had grown up there, it was the home he’d left to go to Stanford, and come back to after Jess died. Sat there, head tipped back against the seat, it felt like he never been away at all. Also familiar; the crunching footsteps of someone making their way through the gravel of Bobby’s yard, and the creak of the door on the other side of the car opening up so that someone could get in.

Sam opened his eyes as the car rocked, expecting Dean and instead seeing a familiar trench coat and a familiar unreadable face. “Cas,” he said, unable to keep mild surprise out of his voice.

“Dean suggested I come check in,” Castiel said, “After I expressed some concern for where you were going.”

Oh.

“I’m fine,” Sam said. “Not going to make trouble or anything, I just- I just needed some air.”

“I wasn’t expecting trouble,” he replied. “You seemed,” he paused, like he was considering something. “Distressed.”

“I’m fine,” Sam repeated. “Dean just- he was just joking around, he likes pushing my buttons.”

“About prayer?” Cas asked. “It seemed an odd thing to make so many comments about.”

Sam winced, quietly vowing to slip Dean a laxative as soon as they got a non-dire moment. If they ever got a non-dire moment ever again. “Not- that’s not really what he was joking about.” And, feeling a little guilty about Dean enjoying making so many comments at Cas’ expense. “He was joking about blow jobs.”

“Oral sex?” Cas asked, and Sam felt his cheeks light on fire.

“Yep,” he confirmed. When all Cas did was look at him with a confused expression he braced himself. He hadn’t had to try and explain the joke. In for a penny, and all that. “He- I’m bisexual. And he knows…” The words seemed to choke him a little, he stared out the windshield though he couldn’t tell what he was looking at, he just knew he couldn’t look to his left. “He knows I’m attracted to you, so he’s making jokes about getting on my knees to pray as a code for.” He made a nonspecific gesture with his hand. “That. Because he knows it’ll fuck with me.”

He was sitting in the same place he was when he came out to Dean, though Dean had been in the front seat. He wasn’t sure which conversation had been scarier.

“He’s making jokes to make you uncomfortable?” Cas asked, which was the last part of the explanation Sam had expected him to grab onto, so much so that it took him a moment to pick up the thread of the conversation again.

“Uh, yeah,” he said.

“That seems cruel,” Cas said.

Sam blinked, brain still rebooting. “Maybe. It’s- it could be a brothers thing. I do it to him too.”

Cas hummed an acknowledgement. Out of the corner of his eye, Sam could see him glance over. “You’re still uncomfortable.”

“Yeah,” he said, struggling for an explanation. “Kinda thought the bisexual thing might cause some issues.” He risked a glance over and saw a deep frown on Cas’ face. “A lot of churches don’t like it.”

“That’s a human obsession,” Cas said. “Not a heavenly one.”

There was something in Sam’s heart that he’d crammed down so small, held in so long he’d forgotten it was there. At Cas’ words he felt it unfold and disappear.

“Oh,” he said, melting into the seat. “That’s- good to know.”

“I think most angels would be hard pressed to tell the difference,” Cas said, “Watching from such a distance.”

Sam looked over at him, cheek to the leather. “Makes sense.”

It was a reminder, though. That the distance between them was more than it seemed. That, for all Dean could poke fun, this wasn’t anything with a possibility behind it. Honestly, maybe after Ruby that was what Sam needed. Something untouchable. Something he could long for, but didn’t have a chance in hell of ruining because it could never happen.

Cas looked back at him. Sam hoped that longing wasn’t too clear on his face.

“It’s interesting,” Cas said. “I wonder if it wouldn’t be good for my family to walk the Earth. It’s easy, from a distance. Caring only in the abstract. It changes up close.”

Sam tore his eyes away, chuffing a self deprecating laugh. “I bet.”

Fingers brushed the back of his hand where it rested at his side; a shiver spread out over every inch of his skin.

“You’re better up close.”

The words sounded like a pick-up line, but from Cas they just felt incredibly sincere. His eyes slid to the side again, to where Cas had shifted closer. Closer again, Sam started at the feel of breath on his lips.

“Cas,” he said, “You don’t have to-“

“You’re attracted to me,” Cas said. “Do you care for me?”

“Yes,” Sam said. That, at least, was easy, and true, and obvious.

“I came after you because I care for you,” Cas said.

“Oh,” Sam managed.

“I know I don’t have to, Sam,” Cas said. “I want to.”

Then he kissed him, crossed that last little bit of distance, and Sam stopped thinking about anything else at all.

#supernatual #sastiel #samcas #sam winchester #castiel #sastiel fic #samcas fic #my fandom shit #my fic #birthday prompts #idk if this is what either of you wanted but it is what came out lmao

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solastia · 3 years

Text

Tuqburni: Finale - Heartbreak

Pairing: Yoongi X Reader, Hoseok x Reader

A/N: Here you go with an alternate ending where she DIDN’T choose to go back to them. Angst, with a bit of hope (hyuck). Please remember, in my mind the other ending is canon and I will be releasing an epilogue eventually of them together in the future. Until then, enjoy this. It really hurt me to make my Yoongichi cry.

*******************************************************************************************

You sat on your tiny patio in the beat-up rocking chair you’d bought from a thrift store as you waited for Namjoon to come by. You probably could have waited inside, but it felt too big and empty for your liking. A familiar knock rattles your very wobbly-sounding door and you get up with a sigh, closing the sliding glass behind you as you head to the front door.

You open it without checking, knowing that there were only two people in the world who knew where you lived now.

Namjoon and Seokjin are standing there with hands brimming with equipment.

“Come on in. The room’s mostly set-up now.”

They kick off their shoes somehow and scuffle towards the second bedroom that was mostly sparse beyond a desk holding your computer, a chair, and soundproofing foam panels on the walls. In the pair’s arms were the rest of the recording equipment you’d need to establish the room as your official workspace.

Namjoon mumbles that he can take care of the setup so you let Jin pull you to the tiny kitchen and put on some tea while you wait.

“So...how was your first night as an independent woman?” Seokjin asks while he pulls down your new mugs and turns on the kettle.

“...Alright, I guess. Quiet,” you murmur softly, putting bags in the cups.

He nods in understanding. You’d moved out of their place after staying there for nearly a month. You’d tried leaving earlier, but Seokjin and Namjoon had been adamant that you needed to stay and let them watch out for you for a little while before you decided. Personally, you’d suspected that they’d probably thought they were on suicide watch, but you were fine. Well, perhaps not fine, but nowhere near thinking about that kind of thing.

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell you or not, but you should know that Yoongi didn’t take it well,” he sighs and sets down his cup. “There was...a lot of yelling. A lot of...you know...him puffing up and getting angry at us to hide how devastated he was. He blamed us and said we were turning you against him and that setting up a studio in your apartment so you’d never have to see him again was obviously something that I came up with because you would never do that. He even started saying some stuff about how Namjoon was obviously using this as a chance to steal you away because of the tiny crush he had on you back when you all first met.”

“Oh, Jesus,” you huff and rub your eyes. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. He’s...that’s just always been his fighting style. He zeros in on the one thing he can say that would hurt you the most and stabs you with it. Please don’t hold it against him.”

He reaches over and pets your hair softly. “I know. It’s...it’s going to take a while but he’s going to need us too when this starts to settle down a little more. Right now you are our priority because you’re the one that’s been wronged, but...he’s still our marshmallow Yoongichi and we’ll need to pick him up too. Even if we are incredibly disappointed in him. Both of them.”

You nod, closing your eyes. “He...did he look...bad?”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie. His clothes were all messed up and he’s gotten really skinny. Don’t think he’s eating much either. But...you don’t need to worry about that. That’s not your responsibility. He made his choices. Jimin made his choices. Now it’s time for you to have your turn.”

You nod silently, knowing he was right. That didn’t make it any easier.

It felt almost like you’d been in a trance since that night Yoongi had ordered you to leave. You remembered driving to Jin’s and sitting in their guestroom, staring at the ceiling blankly once your chest hurt too much to cry any longer.

When the knocking started, there had been one tiny spark of hope that Yoongi had finally come to his senses and was there to apologize. To drop to his knees and beg you to come back. That he would do anything…

But the high tones of Jimin’s begging squashed that final dream. Yoongi couldn’t even be bothered to come even now. He had to send Jimin to do the talking for him. And finally...FINALLY...you were overcome by rage.

No more. You were done.

You shook your head no to Namjoon’s silent question over whether he should let Jimin inside, and then you just stood there listening to him trying to talk through the door. He said some things that surprised you and some that didn’t. You’d known he was developing some sort of feeling for you - whether that was actually love or that he just liked having sex you didn’t know, and really you weren’t sure you cared anymore.

He’d managed to stick around for an hour, which had impressed you, but you hadn’t been surprised when he finally gave up and left. That had also been the last time you’d seen or heard from either of them. Yoongi hasn’t tried to call and you certainly weren’t going to be the one to beg for him to take you back. You had absolutely nothing to apologize for. You’d done nothing but love that man with everything you had - and it still hadn’t been good enough.

It was with that thought in mind that you essentially set up camp in the Kim household while you tried to figure out your next steps. They’d been kind enough to go get some of your belongings. Apparently, Jimin had cried while he helped them pack up enough for now and promised to have everything else ready for them to come back for later. Namjoon put you on official leave from work and with a few changes on social media you were now almost officially completely severed from your life with Yoongi. The house had been in his name, you’d never combined accounts, your car was your own. Honestly, it seemed almost too easy. Your lives were now entirely separate beyond the tears in your soul that would last forever.

Namjoon had convinced you to keep your job, promising that you could work from home and the company would cover the costs of converting your second room into a studio. It was incredibly indulgent on his part but you didn’t even think of turning him down. You loved your job and you definitely needed the financial comfort it would bring as you started over. The rest of the apartment was still kind of shabby since you’d been worrying about the studio first, but eventually, you’d get around to making it feel like a home.

Namjoon struts from the studio with a grin, wiping his hands together. “All done! Just waiting for you to set up passwords and stuff now. Kinda jealous now. Jin, can I set up a studio at home? I like the idea of working in my underwear.”

Seokjin scowls playfully. “Don’t even think about it.”

You huff lightly, but don’t miss the way they seemed to be discussing something with their eyes before they both turn to you.

“There’s...uh...something else that you should probably know. You might not want to know or care but we thought we should at least tell you,” Namjoon begins, his eyes constantly flitting between yours and Jin’s.

“Just tell me, Joon.”

“They, uh. Yoongi and Jimin, they...broke up? I guess. Don’t know the whole story yet but apparently, Jimin’s been staying in a hotel near the company. We’re all watching Yoongi closely to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself, but, yeah. Thought you should probably know,” Namjoon says quickly, cringing like he expected you to go on a rampage despite the fact that you never have before.

Instead, you simply scoff, because wasn’t that just perfect. All that pain you went through, all the fighting and sacrifices, and in the end, it was all for nothing.

“Are you okay?” Seokjin asks softly, bumping your shoulder with his.

You smile up at him, though it doesn’t meet your eyes. “I will be.”

******

“I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

You sigh angrily into your phone as you walk towards the cafe, wondering for the millionth time why you let Kim Seokjin order you around so much.

“It’s been six months, sweetie. It’s time and he perfect for you, I promise! He’ll be a drooling mess at your feet in no time.”

When you’d gotten ready for the café, you’d thought you were simply meeting your friend Jin for coffee and gossip, like usual. Only he’d called you when you were only a couple minutes away to inform you that it was actually a blind date. Surprise, bitch.

“Does he at least know why he’s there?”

“Of course! He was really excited too. Seems he’s had the hots for you for ages.”

You were thankful he couldn’t tease you for the blush on your cheeks. “No one calls it the hots anymore, grandpa.”

“Nevermind. Date canceled. I’m not saddling my Hobi Hobi with someone so disrespectful…”

“Calm down. Fuck, I’m not dressed for a date, Jinnie. I thought it was just going to be us so I’m just wearing jeans and a hoodie.”

“It’s not my fault you don’t dress up for me.”

You finally reach the café and stare at the sign like it would give you courage. “I can’t do this…”

“Breathe. You can. You have no reason to feel guilty or undeserving. I picked the best one I can find for you, but if it doesn’t work out that’s okay too. There is no pressure. All I want is for you to be happy.”

Your heart swelled, remembering that, oh yeah, this is why you kept Kim Seokjin around.

“I really love you a lot, you know that right? You are the best friend I could ever ask for.”

He chuckles happily. “I’ll remind you that you said that the next time you get mad at me. Good luck. Call me if you need to escape. Treat Hoseokie with care, too. He’s like one of those Gremlins. Don’t put him in water or anything high, and he turns into a weird sex demon after midnight.”

“Should I ask how you know that?”

“I know everything about everyone, my dear Y/N. Everything.”

You’d call him out on his bluff if you were more certain that it actually was one.

“Alright, I’m going in. Love you.”

“Love you. Be nice to Hoseok.”

You close the call and stuff your phone in your pocket, taking the chance to brush out any wrinkles and calm yourself. You just wished that you were wearing something cuter than a pink hoodie that you were pretty sure belonged to Jin at one point. At least your converse were pink to match and you’d done your hair.

You enter the café, the stupid little bell making everyone’s heads turn toward you like you weren’t nervous enough. You think you spot the guy in question sitting next to a window, but you buy yourself some time with getting your drink first, peeking at him out of the corner of your eye.

It wasn’t that you didn’t know him at all, you’d just never really talked to him. He worked at the company as a choreographer so naturally, you’ve seen him around. It was merely that producers like you were usually goblins that cooped themselves up in their studios and didn’t really get around to meeting everyone. It was impossible to not notice Hoseok though. Beyond the fact that he was handsome, he was also incredibly bright. Both inside and outside. You were sure you’d seen every color of the rainbow on his head at some point, and it was currently a flattering shade of orange that not many could pull off.

Once you had your drink in hand, you turn and head towards the table. Hoseok is already standing to greet you, his smile wide and unabashed, and you finally begin to feel the first tingles of excitement. And maybe a few nervous butterflies.

“Hi, Hoseok,” you smile shyly and sit when he gestures to a chair, trying not to laugh when he nearly tumbles trying to sit back down.

“Hello!” he practically yells, and you finally notice that he just might be nervous too. He clears his throat and tries again. “Hi. Thanks for coming.”

“Yeah, I...uh. I’m going to be honest - I only knew this was happening a few minutes ago. I thought I was meeting Jin,” you smile awkwardly, chuckling.

He cringes and seems to droop before your very eyes. “Oh, sorry. I...I don’t want this to be a forced thing. I’ll just...uh. See you around?”

He gets up to leave and you’re not sure what makes you grab his jean jacket to stop him.

“No, please. Stay? I...I’m going to be bad at this because it’s been a long time but...I can try?”

His smile is the happiest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. “Yeah? Okay. Alright, let’s do this.”

You laugh and settle back into your seat, watching him as he does the same. He’s so expressive and vocal as he starts telling you a story about his day (one of his new kids fell and made the other ones fall like dominos and now his best dancer was out with a sprained ankle). He asked questions about your life, your interests, asked about your work. He was so beautiful and yet he looked at you like you were something awe-inspiring. It had been a long time since anyone had seemed so genuinely interested in you. Before you knew it an hour had flown by and your stomach was beginning to hurt from laughing so much.

“So, I was thinking if I hadn’t scared you off yet, maybe you’d be willing to continue this date? But like, somewhere else because if I drink another cup of tea I’m going to burst,” Hoseok wrinkled his nose and sent you a shy smile, a single tiny dimple poking out.

“I’d like that,” you grin, surprised yet again that you actually meant it. That you were actually excited to spend more time with him. “Maybe we could just walk around for a while and talk. There’s a park across the street and lots of people play music and stuff. And then maybe you could take me dancing tonight. Show off those moves you keep bragging about.”

Where had this confident woman come from?

Thankfully, his grin widens and he nods eagerly. “That sounds perfect. But first...little boys room. Be right back.”

You giggle and settle back into your see as you watch him scurry frantically to the bathrooms - no surprise since he’d downed three cups of peppermint tea. You turn to observe the room to pass the time and that’s when you spot him.

He’s standing near the pick-up counter with an iced americano in his hand, the condensation and half-melted ice suggesting he’d been there for a while. His haunted gaze is locked right on you and you meet it even as your stomach clenches with a myriad of emotions.

Six months. Such a short time in the grand scheme of things but still so long since you’d last seen him. He’s as beautiful as ever, even if he’s obviously been losing weight that he didn’t need to and his lounging around the house clothes he was wearing in public gave off the IDGAF vibe.

Yoongi seems to finally come to a decision as he saunters closer, eyes wide and unblinking like he’s afraid if he looks away for a single second you’ll disappear. He finally reaches your table and you fight the instinct to make a run for it.

“Hey,” he says softly, his hand clenching tightly enough around his drink to make the plastic crinkle.

“Hey,” you answer softly, unsure of what else to say.

“You look beautiful,” he continues with a soft tone like he’s speaking to a spooked rabbit. Perhaps he was.

“Thanks.”

He nods silently, continuing to stare. “So...you’re on a date with Hoseok?”

“Uh...yeah,” you swallow nervously. “Blind date. Seokjin set it up.”

He nods again and licks his lips. “Yeah? That’s...good. Hoseok’s a good guy.”

“Yeah. He seems nice.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re...doing okay?” You’re not sure what prompted you to ask. Perhaps there will always be a part of you that worries about him - you already know that there’s always going to be a part of your soul that belongs to him.

He shrugs, “Alright. You?”

“Yeah. I’m good. Have an apartment and going to counseling.”

He flinches as if you’d just slapped him. “Sorry.”

“It’s not just...because of you or what happened. It’s, you know, the past and all that too. Just needed to work things out. I think it’s helping. Maybe...maybe you could try it too.”

“Maybe,” he responds noncommittally, his eyes finally falling to the floor. “I miss you.”

Your heartbeat quickens. “Yeah. I miss you too.”

“Do you think...maybe we could try…”

You cut him off before he can even finish that sentence. “No.”

That was maybe too harsh because he looked like he wanted to melt into the floor straight to hell.

“I...will always miss you. And a part of me will probably always love the Yoongi I had before, but no. I don’t quite have the gift of words that you do, but I just know that we weren’t right for each other. I mean, I was technically just a very long rebound before you got your chance with Jimin again, in the end.”

“That’s not how it was. I loved you. I love you,” he grits out, his eyes taking on a steely edge as he looked back up.

“Yeah. I know you did, just maybe not the right way. And I loved you, but I let you bulldoze over me. So maybe we could have been good, but you got greedy and I needed to learn to not be a doormat.”

He nods and once again looks like a kicked puppy.

You sigh and tap on the table nervously. “But for those years that we were together - I will always love that Yoongi. I will look back and remember that once upon a time there was a man and a woman who were crazy in love and built a home together. Who had dreams of building a lifetime together. I will hope that Yoongi has a happy life and that he finds what he needs. That he can find a companion who makes him want to fight for what they have together.”

The tears streaming down his cheeks make you pause, realizing you’re fighting back some of your own.

“I love you, Min Yoongi. But you weren’t right for me. Now it’s time for me to find my place in this world. Maybe Hoseok is it, maybe he isn’t. I’d like to think I don’t need another person to help me feel complete. Whatever it is, I’m learning how to speak up and fight for myself. I hope you can learn to be happy for me.”

He nods, sniffling. “Whatever you want. I just...I just wanted you to know. I love you. I really did. And...I’m sorry. For what I did. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I hurt Jimin. Do you think...you’ll ever want to at least talk to me?”

“I don’t know yet. Maybe someday. I don’t think you’re ready.”

“Okay. I’ll be here.”

“Yeah. I...you have to go home now, Yoongi. I’m on a date.”

His watery eyes widen again, and he nods slowly. “Right, yeah. Sorry. Again. And...please. Call me or whatever if you ever need anything. I...won’t expect anything else. Just know that I’m here if you need someone. Can I ask for that, at least?”

You nod, “Yeah. Thank you, Yoongi. I’ll...see you around.”

He gulps and backs up. “Yeah, see you, Y/N.”

He turns swiftly and practically jogs towards the entrance while you try to memorize what could be your last glimpse of the man you once loved.

“Everything okay?”

You jump and your eyes fly over to meet the sympathetic ones of Hoseok.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I saw him talking to you and thought it was best to let you have privacy. Was that okay?”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “He just wanted to talk. And...it was good. I think I finally feel a little more closure.”

“So...I’m not like a rebound, right? Like, I know that you guys were dating and I heard some of it from Seokjin but...”

“Uh...you’re the first time I’m trying to actually date since Yoongi. If that clears things up a bit,” you answer with a blush. You were not about to go into detail about those couple months of desperate hookups you’d used to try and gain your confidence back before you’d started therapy.

Thankfully, he seems to not mind that bit of news judging by the wicked grin that paints his lips. “Oh?”

“Shut up,” you growl, playfully swatting him.

He chuckles and reaches out a hand to you. “Do you still feel up to continuing our date? If not, I’ll totally understand and we can reschedule. I’ll only cry and stress-eat a tiny bit, I promise.”

You snort and accept his hand, letting him help you up. In a moment of bravery, you lace your arm in his and tug him towards the entrance.

“Just you try to get away from me now, Jung Hoseok.”

He giggles and lets you lead the way, both of you exiting the café and feeling hopeful about the future.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #tuqburni #solastia #bts angst

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jeonglixie · 4 years

Text

[12:45am] “Can we…get out of here?”

The boy gave you a worried look but he nodded and grabbed your hand. You made your way through the drunken crowd.You took a deep breath as you stepped outside. Chan didn’t say anything,he just placed a hand on your back and slowly rubbed it.

“Are you ok,what happened?” he rasped after a while.

“I just…don’t feel like being in there right now.” you whispered.

“Are you drunk?”

You shook your head.Chan hummed and went towards his motorcycle.

“Let’s go.”

“W-where?”

“You’ll see.”

—–

You got to know Chan in the third year of college. You always saw him around campus with his friends,Jisung and Changbin,but you never really got a chance to speak to any of them. It’s like they all screamed trouble,their aura intimidating. So you’d either find them together or each of them alone.

Changbin seemed the scariest of them,his eyes piercing through your soul. You guessed you shouldn’t make mad this one.His hands full of tattoos and you were sure if he were to show more skin, there’d be more of them.

Jisung was more of a piercings guy,one on his left eyebrow and his ears full of them. He always seemed so confident and you could swear he screamed fuckboy.

Chan caught your attention first as you got more classes together. He seemed like a friendly one,but he didn’t really talk to anyone.He got that attractive smile that showed his dimples,on top of it, he got piercings on them. He’d usually sit in every class with his laptop and headphones. He was probably producing? You heard this trio was into music and rapping somewhere. You wondered if he ever paid attention to class though.

You were the exact opposite, cause other than staring at him before class started, was hanging from the professor’s lips and taking notes.That’s why he actually approached you the first time.

You were terrified when you turned your head to see who tapped your shoulder and met the familiar blonde haired boy.

Fuck,did he saw me staring?

When he politely asked if he could take your notes,all you could do was nod and give him your notebook with a half smile.

“Y/N right?”

“U-uh? Yeah, that’s me.”

“I’ll return this tomorrow,yeah? Thanks.” he winked,gave you a dimpled smile and left.You sighed in relief and made your way out of the class.

Little did you know he indeed saw you staring.

—–

Since then,in every class,he would usually sit next to you and sometimes have a small talk or flirt just to tease you. Then,a group assignment happened and he asked to be your partner. It was the first time you ever saw so much music equipment on someone’s house,as you stepped in his room.

You finished the assignment rather quickly and he suggested you should stay for a while and hang out. You should’ve known he didn’t really have something innocent in mind when he did so. Like that,one thing led to another and he ended up fucking you on his couch and probably giving you the best orgasm you ever had.

“We can do this a casual thing,if you want.” he told you as you stepped out of his apartment.

You didn’t really have something to lose,and as you needed some way to relieve stress,you agreed.

“No strings attached though,I’m…not really a relationship guy.”

“Sure.”

—–

Months passed and your relationship stayed the same; you hang out and fucked, sometimes you just enjoyed each other’s company. The intimidating guy turned out to be one of the kindest persons you knew. And that probably was going to be the death of you. Cause as the time passed,you weren’t attracted only by his body. You could tell he wasn’t feeling the same way though,as he immediately turned cold when you got intimate. No cuddles after sex,no staying over. That didn’t mean he wasn’t the softest when it came to aftercare. But then reality hit him and turned back at being his usual self again. That’s how he was. Hot and cold.

Jisung and Changbin weren’t that bad either. Jisung was funny, talkative and a little cocky but he was a nice guy overall.

It took a while for Changbin to open up to you. He would usually act like you weren’t there most of the time. He didn’t seem to like the relationship you and Chan had, he thought everything happened too quickly and Chan didn’t know you that well when he suggested the whole friends with benefits thing.

So when you went over to Chan last week and he opened the door instead of him,you knew this was going to be awkward.

“He won’t take long,you can wait for him.”

“O-ok.”

You both sat on the couch, awkward silence filled the room. You grabbed your phone and scrolled through your apps to keep yourself occupied.After a while he sighed.

“Chan’s ex girlfriend was a horrible person. She really fucked him up.”

Your eyes widened and your head snapped towards him. His eyes anywhere but you.

“She used him,had a good time,then she cheated on him and just left. He really had a hard time getting over that bitch.”

“So when he told me about you and the whole arrangement thing you have, I knew this won’t go well. That idiot really doesn’t think before he acts…”

“Look, I love Chan, he’s my best friend and I’ve known him for years. He’s not that kind of person. He’ll eventually catch feelings and I don’t want him to get hurt. So I’ll be clear. If you don’t care about him,get the fuck out of his life before it’s too late.”

His gaze now on you. If eyes could kill you would really be dead by now. You felt shivers down your spine but that didn’t stop you from responding, feeling slightly offended by his words.

“I know where you’re coming from. But I can tell Chan has no feelings for me and-”

“If you open your mouth to say bullshit babygirl then shut it.”

Your jaw dropped.He stood up and casually walked to the door and opened it with a smirk.

“I think I was clear.”

You felt your blood boiling. Not only he didn’t let you speak and explain,he also got that smug look on his face you really wanted to punch. You jumped from the couch and stomped towards him,fuming as you grabbed and slammed the door shut.

“Listen here Seo Changbin” you aggressively placed your index finger at his chest. “I don’t care what the fuck you are to Chan or how long you know him or whatever, but that doesn’t give you the right to assume I’m the same shitty person like his ex. I care about him as much as you do and like hell I would hurt him. The only idiot here is me for throwing myself in a situation like that and then catching up feelings. So don’t fucking worry about your friend getting hurt,he doesn’t give a fuck about my feelings and I don’t plan on telling him about them so he won’t feel guilty.”

You were sure you were screaming at this point and by Changbin’s surprised face,you knew you went overboard. You didn’t realize tears were running down your cheeks till you stopped and took a deep breath.

“Hey,are you-”

“Keep it. You said enough Seo.”

The boy didn’t really have time to act as you quickly went over the couch and grabbed your things,then ran and opened the door to leave.You froze when the first thing you saw while getting out was Chan’s surprised face. Your eyes locked for a split second before you felt more tears forming and you ran past him.

That probably was going to be the last time you’ll see him.

—–

One week passed and you didn’t really speak with Chan. You’d see him at the class but he was sitting nowhere near you and didn’t even spare a glance. You figured out he heard everything then and just didn’t want commitment. You were heartbroken of course but that was your fault. Chan said from the start he didn’t want a relationship.Jisung texted you and asked you to go to the party he was throwing but you didn’t really feel like doing this right now.

You were going back to your apartment as you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket.

unknown number: hey this is Changbin

unknown number: I know this is kind of random but can we meet at the café near campus? I have to talk to you

You: ok,sure

You opened the door of the café and the strong smell of coffee and cinnamon hit you. You spotted Changbin sitting on a table near the window. His face turned to you when he heard the door open and he gave you a small smile.

“Hey..”

You sat on the opposite side of the table.

“Sorry if that caught you off guard.I guess you’re not that happy to meet me,after what happened last time.”

You shook your head.

“No I….I was indeed kinda surprised but it’s ok. What did you want to talk about?”

Changbin let out a shaky sigh.

“I wanna apologize. I really was an asshole.”

“When you left,I tried to speak to Chan but he didn’t really want to. He avoided mentioning the whole thing,but I could see he was struggling.”

“I thought a lot about this too. I was overprotective and from the start I treated you like a parasite. And that’s a dick move.”

“You’re a person with feelings too and I can tell you hurt as much as Chan did. And it wasn’t your fault,as I wanted it to be. I won’t blame Chan either. He’s confused and scared.”

“I told you many times I care about him and I want him to be happy. He seems happy with you and I can tell he’s missing you more than anything. So I just couldn’t sit back and watch you both get hurt just because you’re scared to admit your feelings.”

“So…I want you to come to Jisung’s party tomorrow. You two have to talk.”

You stood silent for a while.

“Changbin…I’m not sure what to say…”

“You don’t really have to say something. Just please,come and talk to him.” He reached your hand on the table and smiled bitterly before he stood up and left.

You sat there,trying to comprehend what just happened. After a while you stood up and left as well.

The next day,you felt anxious as you dressed up and stepped out of your apartment. You didn’t know how this would go and definitely weren’t ready to get your heart crushed but you had to get over this.

When you stepped in Jisung’s apartment people were already wasted,dancing on the music. You first spotted Changbin and his eyes widened as you made eye contact,a grin slowly appeared on his lips.

“You came.” he yelled over the loud music. “Thank you.”

You smiled.

A gasp left your lips as suddenly someone pushed Changbin out the way and you met Jisung’s ecstatic face.

“Y/N oh my God you came! I’m so happy! Here try this,I made it!” he mumbled and shoved a cup with a questionable drink at your face.

“I don’t think so.”

“Please? Please, please, please, for me?”

You let out a sigh.

“Ok,ok,here.” you drank the liquid and winced as it burned your throat.

Jisung looked satisfied and quickly went back to the kitchen, probably to grab a second one.

“Where’s Chan?” you asked Changbin.

“I’m sure he’s around here,we were talking just before you-”

“Y/N?”

You turned to see Chan,a surprised look on his face.

“Hey.”

“I didn’t think you would come.”

“Trust me,me neither but he-” you stopped as you looked around and Changbin was nowhere to be found.

This motherfucker.

Chan tilted his head but you mouthed a “nevermind” and you both stood there awkwardly.

Minutes passed and you felt anxiety bubbling up your chest. Why did you even listen to Changbin in the first place? This was a bad idea. You weren’t ready to talk with Chan yet. The loud music started ringing at your ears,you had a hard time breathing,it felt suffocating. You felt Chan tap on your shoulder.

“Hey,are you ok?”

—–

And that’s how you ended up here,behind Chan,holding him tight as you passed by the busy roads.

His bike stopped as you reached a hill outside the city,the view breathtaking as you watched down the flicking lights. Chan took off his helmet and placed it on his bike. You both stayed silent.

After a while he reached in his pocket,took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one. A bad habit,Jisung once said,he always pulls when he’s stressed. It was the only thing you hated about him.

“I guess you heard me.” you finally spoke. “When I screamed at Changbin.”

“Yeah…”

“That day he told me about your ex….but he was quite rude so we ended up like this.”

Chan cracked a smile.

“I thought you were going to come out and take my head or something back there,I won’t lie.”

You couldn’t help but giggle,but your smile faded quickly.He inhaled the cigarette and exhaled the smoke through his nose.

“Chan,I genuinely like you. And you know I’ll never hurt you,right?”

Chan felt a pang at his chest. He sucked a deep breath.

“It’s not like you don’t know already,but I’m scared. I’m scared to give my heart to someone and be vulnerable. I’m scared everything’s going to end up the same way.”

“Thought it could work like that. Having sex,no feelings. But sometimes I can’t help but crave more. Since when I got to know you better I needed more.”

“But it’s fucked up. How my brain works. I really want to trust you but I-”

He stopped and let out a frustrated sigh. He liked you,right? Then what was holding him back?

“I don’t know…”

You both fell silent. You didn’t really know what to say at a time like this. You wish you’d know what was going on in his mind right now,he looked so lost. Your eyes fell on his plump lips as he inhaled once again the cigarette.

“Stop doing that…” you said,your voice shaking. “You’re hurting yourself…”

You meant smoking or overthinking? Chan couldn’t tell. He scoffed and his eyes turned at the trembling city lights.

After a while he dropped the remaining cigarette on the ground and stomped it.

“Fuck this,let’s…go at my place.”

His features now hardened,his expression unreadable. You just nodded.

—–

You knew when you’d step in his house he’d probably slam you on the wall and have his way with you. That’s how Chan was. Cold and dominant, he loved to have you begging.

But that night you and Chan didn’t fuck. He made love to you. Heart on his sleeve as he softly kissed your face. You never saw that side of him. Slow and passionate,he touched you like you’d break.

You felt drunk,loved even.

When he finally slipped in you,you were far too gone to see the tears running down his face. He thrusted into you desperately, trying to cope with all these overwhelming emotions. You both came with you screaming his name and him groaning yours. He slowly then made his way to the bathroom to grab a towel. He stopped as he glanced his reflection at the mirror; all he could see was a coward with eyes red from crying,his puffy face making him wince. He returned not long after to find you still on the bed,eyes half closed,your breathing back to normal. Sleep immediately knocked you out after he cleaned you up with the soft towel.

You didn’t see his eyes glistening at the moonlight.You didn’t see how he sat at the edge of the bed,face in his palms.

You didn’t see him smoking his last cigarette and throwing the almost full pack at the trash.

That night, Chan promised himself he won’t run away. He’d stay here with you,even if that meant he could get hurt again.

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