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strawberries-and-summer-days · 18 days

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WE'RE... WHAT?? ‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅

| percy jackson x popstar au

| au masterlist ☽

summary:

warnings: swearing and i think thats just about it!

a/n: part two of the series is out! im procrastinating the shit out of all my other requests so im not ignoring any of you btw!! lets all collectively ignore the fact that gracie like a post that has a lyric from her song (also damn im really just smashing out these fics)

"y/n has officially flitted off to boston!" clarisse announces suddenly from chris's lap.

"huh?" grover's head snaps up. "what do you mean?"

"y/n l/n, she's come to boston for her concerts," clarisse says showing her phone screen.

"you have got to be shitting me," chris says. "this is going to end terribly. seriously? here? boston? percy's gonna shit himself."

"oh really why would you think that?" clarisse drawls. "it's not like they don't like each other, they're like besties!"

"and y'know to make things worse y/n's setlist has been posted for months so we legit could've avoided her," chris sighs.

"yeah well, next time you see percy and he comes home grumbling about a business meeting in boston you deal with it then," grover argues.

"okay all of you shut it, percy's coming inside with luke so shhh," clarisse snaps.

"shh about what?" luke asks settling down on the couch next to grover.

"you'll never believe who's in boston!" grover sing songs. it doesn't take luke very long to work out who and his eyes widen in realisation

"no."

"yes."

"well shit."

"yep."

"we're in for a show."

☾. ⋅

percyjackson

liked by underovergrover, chris.rodriguez, lukecastellan, clarisse.la.rue, the.annabethchase and 1, 402, 385 others

percyjackson hello boston! one non-reschedulable meeting later and here we are...

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underovergrover i expect full compensation for making those pizzas WHICH YOU TOOK CREDIT FOR

percyjackson YOU DID NOT! I MADE HALF OF THOSE - MINE WERE BETTER

clarisse.la.rue no they weren't

percyjackson 🖕🏼

user1 ugh im in love

user2 omggg he's in boston!! so is y/n l/n!! are they following each other around?

user3 PLS I WOULD DIE MAKE THIS A THING

user4 i wonder if he's going to a concert here?? 😏

user5 does anyone else find it weird how his entire friend group follows him around?? no just me? they're just a huge freak show

user6 booooo we dont like haters here

user7 y/n l/n and percy neeeeed to happen rnnnn

user8 YES YES YES

lukecastellan im so ready to be done with this shit and go home

theannabethchase aww is someone feeling homesick?

lukecastellan yes obviously

user8 i. love. him.

☾. ⋅

"see i told you this would happen!" grover screeches, running away from percy who is threatening to castrate him if he doesn't get his phone back.

"i don't care! just give me the damn thing back!"

percy had groaned for two straight minutes when he found out that y/n was in boston this weekend - he had also face planted onto the couch and used some extremely obscene words.

"if it helps at least you'll be leaving on sunday," chris had offered in the midst of his crisis. it didn't help.

so now when grover trips over a fallen pillow - which may or may not be from percy's tantrum but we don't talk about that - and percy wrenches the phone from him a loud - and might grover add overtly girly - scream.

"WHAT THE FUCK? NO! NO NO NO NO!"

his screen is on the article grover had opened with really poorly photoshopped images of percy and y/n walking together. every gossip site/blog has swarmed the photos and circulated them sending the internet into a spiral.

"im fucking done with this grover," percy groans flopping onto the couch. "its a good thing we're leaving tomorrow - we'll be back in new york thats a huge ass city i wont see y/n there again and i can just go into hibernation, let all the rumours die down and be done with this whole shit show."

if only right....

☾. ⋅

yn.official

liked by sabrinacarpenter, lia.mandel, gracieabrams and 932, 841 others

yn.official feel like maybe i might go to boston! you were the best audience and im honoured to have performed for you these past two nights! heading home now to rest and recharge for the final shows in new york

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lia.mandel yayy you're finally coming home i missed you 🥺

yn.official bitch please its been like a week

lia.mandel and every second of it has been torture

user1 MOTHERRRR

user2 i think i nearly fainted when she came up on stage i was so happy i coulda died right then-

user3 the lyric makes me so happyyy

user4 ikrr y/n is like the queen of lyrics and the way she sneakily adds them into her posts 🤭

user5 WERE YOU WITH PERCY JACKSON THIS WEEKEND?? 🤨 I NEED TO KNOW

user6 y/n and percy are my dream celebrity ship

user7 they'd be the biggest power couple in history

user8 can you hard launch with percy plss?? i dont care if its fake i just need content to feed my delusions!

☾. ⋅

lia's soft snores fill the plane aggravating the hell out of you. usually you'd find the way she curled up in a ball underneath a blanket and snored quietly to be adorable. but since you're tired, just finished performing a concert and there's a problem with the jet, its grating on your nerves.

you had also been scrolling on twitter, instagram and pinterest, curled up underneath a matching blanket urging something to catch your attention while whatever work was being done on the plane happened.

unfortunately for you the thing that did catch your attention was the dozens of very clearly photoshopped pictures of you and percy walking together on a quiet street in boston.

no way in hell thats real. for one; ew and two; percy was only here for the weekend you were here for the week and you would've had no time to go out in between concerts.

eventually you doze off not realising you're in the air until you're ears pop waking you up to lia grinning mischievously.

"what asshole?"

"you're adorable when you wake up, you know that right?"

"yes i know."

"seriously the cutest human on the planet."

"what do you want lia?"

"a gossip podcast has picked up the subject of you and percy jackson. and the host is saying shit about you."

your eyes widen for a moment. "oh my god what? wow its almost as if i don't care!" ypu give lia a blank look. "this happens every three months lia, i do something and people either love it or hate it. thats the way it goes."

"yeah but this is PERCY JACKSON Y/N! he's gorgeousness personified."

"ugh can i go back to sleep? you can fangirl to me tomorrow when im in bed and pretending to listen."

"im offended." she leans over to place a kiss on your head. "but sleep tight babes, we land in like forty minutes."

shutting your eyes again you drift back to sleep.

only when you wake up do you realise you dreamed of percy...

TAGLIST‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ [if you're name is white it mean i couldn't tag you] @lauptimist, @itzmeme, @mariaaaaaahhhh, @paankhaleyaar, @maybxlle, @lara20aral, @cxp1d, @user-3113s-blog, @pleasingregulus, @avihashearts4lix, @inlovewithmorales, @brokecollegebitch, [if you want to be added just let me know!]

#percy x reader #percy jackson x you #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x y/n #percy x y/n #percy x you #percy jackson #percy jackson fanfic #percy jackson fic #fanfic #fanfiction #emma writes ₊˚⊹⋆#percy x popstar au ₊ ⊹

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buckys-wintersoldier · 5 months

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Unexpected meeting | Sebastian Stan

Pairing -> Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Summary -> You’re lost in New York and when you ask someone for help you didn’t realize who it is until you’re standing in front of him. Sebastian Stan, who offers you his help to get home.

Warnings -> (G) none, just fluff

Wordcount -> 1.2k

Request -> Heyyy. I had this idea for a while now and thought maybe you would like to write it! If not it's also okay! 💗 So, here is my idea: Reader is new in New York and moved there a while ago. She was walking around for a while and then gets lost and isn't sure where she is. Then she sees Sebastian from a distance and decides to ask him for help. She shouts something at him but when she gets near she notice who he is. She gets nervous but Sebby is very sweet and kind. He helps her and maybe Sebastian asks her out on a date. Thank you in advance 💗 @lives-in-midgard

A/N -> Thank you so much for the request. I absolutely love it and I hope you like what I made with it. Some cute Sebby is always wonderful, hehe.💕 My requests are open, if you have any asks don’t hesitate to ask.

Masterlist | Sebastian Stan Masterlist

It’s not long since you moved to New York; after finishing at the university, you were finally ready to move away from California.

California, the place you grew up with your family, your friends, and all the memories. But you need some fresh air and some new places to see, and when you got the offer from your chef to get a job in New York, you immediately said yes.

And there you are, little woman, in the middle of the big city. In the middle of buildings that are like giants. You love that place, the people, and the job you got. The only problem? You don’t know someone; it’s quite loud sometimes, and the worst part is that you can get lost really easily.

You moved there just a few days ago, and now you have finally had some time to go out for a walk, enjoying the sun. With your cup of coffee in your hand, you walk along the street, through the park, and along another street. The way you decide to go depends on how many people there are; when it’s quiet, you turn into the street; when it’s loud, you wait until you reach another street with fewer people.

When you reach another park, you look around. The place you're in right now is definitely not similar to the place you were before. So you didn’t walk in a circle, but where are you right now?

Suddenly, you feel like you’re lost. Turning around a few times, you look for someone who could help you find your way back home. That’s the moment when you sigh and regret the quiet places, and even more the fact that you thought it wasn't necessary to have internet when you’re outside of your apartment.

When you moved there, you looked for internet at home, but you thought you could take your time to have internet outside of your home. It’s definitely not like that, and now you’re lost in a park, not knowing the way you walked from your apartment to the place you’re standing right now.

The trees around you are green and bright because of the sun. But there is no one, not even one person, you can ask for the way. Right?

When you turn around again, you can see a man walking from the other side of the park in your direction, but before he reaches you, he takes a turn, and you roll your eyes. With big steps, you follow him, not knowing if you want to shout and let him think you’re a weirdo or just tap his shoulder and let him think you’re a bigger weirdo.

“Excuse me, Sir?” you decide to shout, and you see the brown-haired man looking to the left and right before he stops and turns around.

When he stands there and looks at you, you almost crash into him. You should have stopped running when you shouted, but you were scared he wouldn’t turn around, so you would have reached him in no time otherwise.

“I’m sorry, I got-“ you interrupt yourself when you look up and into two steel blue eyes. You know those eyes; you know them way too well for someone who has never seen them in real life before.

“Hi, can I help you?” he asks you, and when you hear his voice, you need to pay attention to not freak out in front of him or just melt into a puddle.

His one hand is sliding through his short, curly, brown hair while he fixes you with his eyes. A soft smile appears on his lips when he sees the blush on your cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,“ you breathe out, trying to calm yourself down.

You feel so stupid in front of HIM. In front of Sebastian Stan, you just shouted at a celebrity, and you didn’t recognize it earlier.

“I didn’t want to disturb you, and I didn’t want to shout at you,” you mumble and scratch the back of your neck.

Sebastian laughs softly, his nose scrunching slightly, and you can’t stop looking at it. It’s the most adorable nose you have ever seen, and the way his eyes brighten when you look into them, you feel like the sun is kissing the ocean, and it turns out to be the lightest blue you have ever imagined. His lips are slightly parted and turn into a bright smile when he sees you getting nervous in front of him.

“It’s ok; there's no reason to be nervous,” he says, his voice calming you down. “Can I help you with something? I don’t think you wouldn’t shout at me and run after me when I couldn’t do anything for you. Or do you want me to sign your body? Then I would prefer to do it somewhere more private. Just you and me,” he jokes around, and your cheeks heat up.

“I’m lost; I moved here a few days ago, and now I can’t find the way back home,” you mumble, embarrassed.

Against your worries that he could laugh and tell you how stupid you are or just say he has no time, he smiles at you and reaches his hand out to place it on your shoulder.

“That’s oke, I had that a few times when I was on set. There is no reason to be ashamed; can you tell me your address?” Sebastian asks softly, and you nod, telling him the street and number of your apartment.

He nods and turns you around, pointing to the street you have to go to. Then he pushes you slightly to make you walk there, and he walks next to you, his hand still resting on your back, and you feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric of your clothes.

“You don’t have to bring me home,” you say with a shy smile on your lips.

“I know, but I want to. So I can make sure that you’re not getting lost again,” he explains, and you laugh softly.

On the way home, the two of you talk about a lot; you know more about him, about the time behind the scenes, and he asks you a few questions as well, letting you talk about everything you want to talk about.

It feels like ten minutes until you’re home again. While you look for your keys, he tells you more about his recent movie.

“It’s just a few blocks away from here. What about if I take you with me on set tomorrow and after we go out on a date?” Sebastian asks, his cheeks blushing slightly.

“I’m free tomorrow, of course. I’m already excited,” you mumble shyly.

He gives you his phone, so you can add your number. When you reach for it, your hands touch lightly, and even when he has his hand on your back, it still lets you shiver when you touch his bare skin. His hand is so soft, and you would like to take his hand in yours.

“I will write you,” he says, opening his arms to wrap them around your body.

You place your head against his shoulder and your arms around his waist while you inhale his scent. When you went for a walk earlier, you didn’t know you would meet Sebastian Stan, and especially not that you would fall head over heels in love with him. But you do, and feeling the warmth of his body around you and his touches makes you feel at home with him.

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familyvideostevie · 2 months

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hey.

okay. hello! i'm back. :)

maybe you noticed, maybe not, but i have been away for a while.

i wish i could say i've been out living my life, so caught up in happiness and joy and loving each day that i've just not had time for tumblr. but....that is not true. i have been having a tough time! being away has been good, as i've had time to do other things that i like and to put energy into my own well-being, but it hasn't been the best time, I'll tell you that.

i peeked on the dash every now and then to keep my queue full and reblogged soothing things to my main blog and tried my best not to feel guilty about it all (i was also booping on April 1 lol). i just...I really needed a break. i've really enjoyed being here the last six or so months as i've changed my blog and entered the pedro/tlou space but i've also felt so, so alone.

and i know that it doesn't really matter!! like, we should all take breaks and go outside and all that stuff. and I know plenty of people are not very active, but this blog has been such a vital part of my life and happiness since I started it almost two years ago, so any lapse in activity feels like a loss. I've met lifelong friends and flexed my writing muscles and learned a hell of a lot. the fact that I have started to feel isolated and alone on here is a sort of personal betrayal, and there is no one to blame but myself.

So, I’m pulling back.

it means a few things — i don’t know how much writing I’ll be doing from now on. For Joel, especially — it’s been wonderful to meet folks in that community but it has also been really detrimental to my passion for both the game and writing. I’d like to return to some other characters on my masterlist, but we’ll see. I’ve got endless personal projects away from tumblr that I want to pour love and time into (my non-reader fics, my newsletter, a romance novel, a sci-fi novel, poetry, etc). I need to fall in love with my own work again.

it's a me problem, I want to stress that. i'm working on it! irl stuff has been kicking my ass. I've had a really, really hard winter and my mental health has suffered probably more than ever before. i let things I love -- like this blog -- fester and become negative and no longer being me joy. writing became stressful and difficult and I was focused on notes and interaction and looking around me and seeing success and then looking at myself and only seeing lack.

but that's why I took a break! i am getting help and support irl, i am putting in the time and effort to feel better about being alive and to be a better friend and person all around. And I want to tell you all about it because I am so grateful for your time and attention and support, even if we’re just strangers on the internet. i know this probably seems silly -- who cares about a fanfic blog? well, i care! i care a lot! it matters to me and therefore it matters!

anyway. on to the important stuff. here I am! and here's what's going to happen on this blog:

I am working on replying to asks and reblogs and comments I missed. Thank you for being patient with me! I don't know if I'll get to them all but know I see them and I am honored every single time.

I made a totally separate ao3 account with this blog url. I'm working on uploading everything I've posted here onto there and hopefully will continue to crosspost. It is going to take a long, long time, so please be patient! (you can follow my other ao3 here for my non x-reader fanfic).

I posted this fic! Jackson!Joel pulled me back into his world. It’s the first thing I’ve written in ages, so let me know what you think. as of now it's the last planned fic for that series, but who knows!

I hit a milestone while i was away that I am absolutely blown away by. I'm planning a celebration around it sometime this spring (hopefully) and I’d love to see you participate :)

lastly, thank you so much to my friends for letting me complain, whine, winge, etc. I am so sorry for missing all of your work, your celebrations, your bright energies, and all the rest. i am so sorry if it seemed like i was ignoring you. you are my guiding lights, my silver linings, my touchstones. you make me want to be here. i will try to make it up to you!

I want to be online less but make sure I’m connecting more in the moments that i am here. I want to pressure myself to write less and not feel bad that I’m not engaged all the time. I want this blog to once again feel like a place that nourishes me and not sucks me dry. i want to stop feeling like shit about all of it!!!!

so. come hang out in my inbox, my dms, let me know what you've been up to. I am really sorry for missing so much. thank you for sticking around. <3

#personal #this is very long but please read it maybe?#emma rambles #I will reblog it a few times probably

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itspbandjellytime · 2 months

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The Assistant [Hailee Steinfeld x Fem!Reader] - Chapter 3

Plot: Y/N Waldorf is fresh out of college and her first job is being Hailee Steinfeld's personal assistant, but what Y/N doesn't know is that Hailee is hiding a huge secret from the general public and from her, as her assistant.

Notes: This is a multi-chapter fic, you can also read this on wattpad under the same username "itspbandjellytime". This fanfic is also going to contain NSFW themes in the near future, so if you're under the age of 18 please don't read this. Thank you!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Word count: 1.4k words

[Y/N's POV]

The next day arrived, today is the day I move in with Hailee. I already packed my bags earlier this morning again, I looked at Jackie with a smile on her face and gave her a tight hug "Girl, don't be sad, at least we live in the same state now." I reassured her as she fake cries. Jackie pulls away from her and laughs "I know, I am just being very dramatic and besides, West Hollywood and Malibu is a 40 minute drive. You can visit anytime you want." Jackie told me "Hailee isnt expecting you to show up, that quick right?" Jackie asks me as I reached for the door. I respond with a shrug "Eh, better to be early.", Jackie grabs my wrist all of a sudden which made my eyes widen. "You good?" I ask her with a confused tone, Jackie told me to sit down on the couch with her for a bit.

"Yeah, It's just that I've been hearing something online about Hailee... you know... Keeping a secret from the general public?" Jackie said, as much as I love Jackie, she's my best friend, I will jump off a tall building and sell my organs for that woman... There are times that she relies on random and odd stuff on the internet, especially engaging in blind item pages like Deuxmoi. I furrow my brows, oblivious on what Jackie was telling me "What do you mean? Also what did I tell you interacting with those pages?" I said in a very motherly tone despite the fact that Jackie is two years older than me.

"Heard it from Deuxmoi before you got here, someone said that Hailee Steinfeld is hiding a secret from the public and only her manager knows about it." Jackie says, and then gasps "Do you think she's pregnant?"

"GIRL WHAT THE FUCK?!?" I yelled "You've been on Deuxmoi way too much! We both know that site is like the fifth? or lower circle in hell, you know what Tree Paine did when Deuxmoi went after Taylor Swift, right? Also we don't know these people personally!" I said, I let out a sigh and rubbed my temples, going silent for a while. "Look, whatever that is... I won't believe it." I said standing up, putting my hands up with a smile on my face.

Jackie smiles back, understanding what I just told her "Alright, but you know I am just one call away and we can meet up like once or twice a week." Jackie said, standing up again and giving me a hug. I hug Jackie back and nodded "Yeah, just message me if ever." I said, grabbing my bags and finally leaving the apartment.

Forty minutes later, I finally arrived at Hailee's lavish looking house located in Malibu. The house looked amazing from the outside and made me think what's in store inside as well, I parked my car somewhere and grabbed my bags from the trunk. I walked up to the front porch and rang the doorbell, waiting for her to open the door.

Seconds later, she opens the door for me. Hailee is wearing a pair of black yoga pants, a pair of sneakers and a black sports bra that shows off those toned abs of hers that makes me weak on my knees. She looks so hot, my heart starts racing and a lot of thoughts run through my mind seeing her like that. But I still kept my normal posture in tact to be a little bit professional "Hey, you're here! Come on in." Hailee says, inviting me to enter the house.

I enter the house with my bags and I look around the place in awe, I knew that her house would look this good even though I've never seen the whole thing. "I'm sorry if I look like this, I just finished working out." Hailee says, leading me to her living room "Make yourself comfortable, Y/N." Hailee says again, I nod with a smile on my face and I sat down on her couch. I just stare at her walk to her kitchen as she grabs a bottle of cold water from her freezer, the way I look at her is filled with admiration and adoration. My little moment was broken when all of a sudden I heard two high pitched barks, I look down to see her yorkies Brando and Martini looking at me, their tails wagging in sync.

"Oh my goodness, are these Brando and Martini?" I say, smiling at the dogs having some second thoughts if I should pet them both, I am a huge dog person but I have a huge fear of dogs biting me. "Yep, in the flesh! Don't worry they don't bite, they're super friendly." Hailee says, heading to the couch to sit next to me. Hailee puts Brando on my lap and he starts to lick my fingers, which caused me to chuckle and gently pet his head "He's starting to like you, are you a dog person?" Hailee asks. I nod in response as I kept petting Brando while Martini is lying down on my shoe "I have a German Shepard in Washington, his name is... Well... It's a ridiculous name." I said, trying to keep up with an actual conversation with Hailee.

"Well, what's the name of your dog then?" Hailee asks, her hazel eyes looking into mine. I swear, I get lost in those eyes every time.

"His name is... Sir Tenderloin McAvish the Second... We call him Tendy for short." I answered, Hailee starts to burst out laughing once I told her the name of my family's dog. Her laugh is so contagious, it made me laugh as well "I am dead serious, that's his name." I said, pulling my phone out and showing a photo of Tendy to Hailee. "He's a rescue dog, we got him back in 2003. He's like a big baby." I said, showing her a photo of me and carrying Tendy like a baby. Hailee laughs and smiles at the photo of me and my dog, zooming in the photo to see him up close.

"Well you're not wrong Y/N, I treat these two like they're my own children. Oh wait, that reminds me... Come, I'll show you your room." Hailee says, standing up from the couch. I gently put Brando down on the floor again and watch him run around the living room with Martini, I picked my bags up and followed Hailee upstairs. I continued to admire the interior design of Hailee's house, it looks cozy and comfortable. "Alright, we're here." Hailee says, opening the door of my room for me. I entered the room and looked around, I have a comfortable bed and my own bathroom and TV.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at her "Thanks, your place is cool. Who's your interior designer?" I asked, Hailee leans against the door frame, crossing her toned arms. "My mom, she's the best." Hailee chuckles and looks at me, "Well I gotta say, your mom is cool. Quick question, have you ever done this before with your past assistants?" I ask, Hailee shook her head in response "Nope, most of my old personal assistants are people older than me cause you know I started this whole acting and music thing at a young age..." Hailee answers, taking a sip of water from her water bottle.

"So I am the first assistant to stay in your place then?" I asks, with a little hint of casualness.

"Yeah, I feel like you're going to be an assistant that will last long." Hailee responds, winking at me with a smirk on her face "Anyway, if you need anything else. Just let me know, this is your home now... Well once you get a place of your own." Hailee says, closing the door of my room.

I flopped down on the bed, lying on my back as I stare at the ceiling, letting out a sigh. Everything is happening all at once, it feels overwhelming but in a very positive manner to say the least. I furrow my brows a bit, looking back as I was looking around the place before heading to my room earlier.

There was this room at the end of the hallway and it was dark, I didn't ask Hailee about it because it might come off as invasive and I might lose my job. So I just quickly assumed it was a storage room, or a room that has her awards, or a room that has one single box that has her scrapped music or that damn album everyone in the fandom is waiting for. Whatever lies in that room, I'll just ignore it and focus on one thing and one thing only. My job as Hailee's assistant.

#hailee steinfeld #hailee steinfeld x fem reader #hailee steinfeld imagines #hailee steinfeld smut #wlw imagines #celebrity imagines #kate bishop #hawkeye #nadine franklin #emily junk #emily dickinson #emisue #kate bishop imagines #kate bishop x reader #kate bishop smut #fanfiction

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tuwlips · 10 months

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❝ And I'll be right here when

wake up, Right by your side❞

Body half hurt from laying on your left side for too long. Track of time forgotten. 1:31 am. Have to wake up at 7:30 am. Sit at the same boring study table, zoning out and getting up after 2 hours of just staring at the books, not memorizing a single word.

All day spent inside these four walls. Only time you leave is when you have practice exams at your tuition classes. As soon as you step foot inside the class, you wanna go home. Sitting for the exam, you start missing your boring study desk.

Drops of tears on the dry and empty exam papers. Pulling out your mask and putting it on so no one sees you crying.

I wanna go home.

2:15 am.

Still no sign of sleep. Just blurry vision as tears after tears swell up and fall down on either side as you lay flat on your back on your empty bed.

When did it get this lonely?

Mindlessly scrolling through pictures on the internet. Viewing people's story. 10+ unanswered dms. That one friend telling you all about the exciting things happening to her.

“I'm getting a haircut today. Ooh! And also a new haircut. *inserts picture* It's going to be like this. I'm so excited!”

“Going to have picnic with co-workers! My job is the best.”

"DID I TELL YOU I'M GOING TO BE WORKING AS AN ASSISTANT FOR A CELEBRITY MODEL?”

“I'm SO excited! I'm going to see the movie today!!”

Ah yes, the new movie. You were excited too. So happy that you were looking forward to see it forgetting all about the upcoming long exams.

- That's great

[Sent]

Replying to texts when you don't even want to open them. Just so you don't seem rude a few extra words and some emojies.

The door to the room creaks open. He slowly walks in. Careful not to wake you up.

Wake who up? You weren't even asleep.

He slowly got in bed beside you. Hugging your waist and pulling you closer. You try your best not to make a sound and cry silently.

But the heavy rise and fall of your chest and he knew you weren't as peacefully asleep as he hoped you would be.

“Why are you still awake?”

No response.

“It's almost 3 am. I know you're awake. Why aren't you-

You sit up on the bed.

“I don't want to sleep.”

Wet cheeks getting more wet from the new flowing tears. All everyone ever tells you these days is to eat, sleep, take breaks and study. You're tired of it. You're tired of everyone and everything. Exams aren't helping, no one is helping. Loss of confidence, feelings of loneliness. Seeing others your age going out and having fun. Doing the latest trends. Earning money. Even one of your classmates went to see the new movie despite the upcoming exams. She went with her sister. Your sister lives miles away from you. You didn't tell Nanami because he's an actual busy man unlike you, who sits on the same dull spot everyday and just zones out.

I can't do this anymore.

“Love, are you al-”

“I don't wanna talk about this.”

Voice broken from crying. You try your best to talk and suppress the ache in your throat.

“Let's just go to bed”

He grabs your hand and turns your face towards him. Puffy red eyes and disheveled hair. You looked more tired than him.

“Did you take a nap after eating?”

You cry out more shaking your head.

“You woke up so early and then gave a 2 hour exam. You didn't rest after coming home?”

You didn't look at him. Just soft sniffles and tears.

He pushes your head gently towards his chest and holds you. Your soft cries was the only thing he heard in the dimly lit room. Rubbing your back with one hand and running his other one through your hair.

“Tell me.”

You cry harder burying your head in his chest.

“I'm here to listen.”

Your cries slowly soothe down.

“I'm sorry,” he says. “You've been feeling lonely haven't you?” You don't reply. Just your head on his chest, hugging him tightly. “I've been so busy, I didn't realize I was neglecting you. I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you-”

“It's not you!”

You finally meet his eyes with your red ones. Of course it's not him. It never was him. In fact, he's the only one helping you go through all this despite being stressed himself. You sometimes felt guilty for always being this needy for him. For always wanting him by your side. For always just... wanting him.

“It's everything and everyone around me. I just can't do this anymore. People my age are out there having fun and actually doing things, while I'm here all day everyday sitting in the same spot studying for meaningless exams which are draining me mentally and physically.”

Nanami listens to you intently as he always does. Gentle rubs on your back.

“I'm happy for my friends. I really am. It's just... I'm not feeling very happy at the moment so..”

You felt terrible for feeling that way. Feeling jealous of your friends who were having fun and doing things you looked forward to doing. You know it's not their fault but you can't control your feelings either.

“I feel like a cold hearted person."

More tears.

You said nothing and just laid down curling up, facing the other way. Wishing the tears would just stop.

A strong hand curling up around your waist pulls you closer to him. Gently caressing your hair and hugging you tightly.

Nanami knows your 'leave me alones' mean 'don't leave, stay.' He knows when you push him away, you want him to pull you closer. He knows when you don't 'want to talk about it' you actually want to say a lot about it.

“Sometimes.” his deep soothing voice which you find so comforting, so close against your ears . Hands still caressing through your hair. “Not feeling happy is okay.”

“Being envious of others doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone is always envious of someone. The people you see on the internet having a good time, they're also envious of someone or something. Doesn't mean they're a bad person. It's just.. natural feelings.”

“You're having a stressful time, and I understand. I understand your feelings. You don't have to push yourself and you are not a bad friend. Sometimes,” his rough big hands feel so soft when he's caressing your hair like this, while you hide away your face in the pillow.

“We just don't want to hear about other people's life, and it's totally okay. Does not mean you wish bad upon them or anything. It just means, you're not in a good mental state at the moment.”

“It does not make you a cold hearted person.”

“It makes you someone who's trying her best to do things right."

You turn around and burry your face in his neck while he holds you tightly.

“I'm just so tired Kento,” you cry into his chest. “I feel like I'm missing out on so much. People promise to make plans with me and then cancel last minute and make it with someone else.”

“You can make plans with me you know. How about we take a break tomorrow and go see that movie-” “I don't want to.”

You break away from his embrace and lay on your side, facing him. Your face. It looked so worn out. Nanami wiped the tears away and caressed your cheek.

“I won't be able to enjoy it plus it's not about just the movie.” “I know.”

He really does know.

Your phone beeped. A new notification.

But before you can reach for the phone, Nanami was quick to get it himself.

[Just finished watching the movie! OH AND I ALSO GOT MY HAIR CUT!! 🤭✨

*photo*

What do you think?]

He sighs.

"Who is it?"

Nanami simply switches off the phone and puts it on the bedside table.

"No one."

Deep down he knew you didn't want to reply to the message either. You thanked him in the back of your mind for not giving you the phone.

"Thank you."

3:45 am

His arms hold you tightly, face buried in your hair while you face the other way. Peacefully asleep in his embrace.

“I love you.”

He kisses your head.

“And I'm proud of you.”

His eyes closing slowly, taking in your scent.

I love you too

“Kento.”

“Hm?”

“Will you be gone when I wake up?”

“No.”

“I'll be right here when you wake up.

Right by your side.”

[Fanart is not mine. I found it on Pinterest. If you know the artist, let me know.] ♡

➛ And yes it is Nanami in the fanart in case you're wondering (⁠づ⁠｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠づ

#nanami x reader #nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #jjk x reader #loving nanami #self indulgent #hurt/comfort #jujutsu kaisen nanami #nanami x y/n #loving nanami hours #comfort character

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thaenad · 2 months

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Hey. I love your work so much on your other blog (and have even sent anons there) but since this one is more feedism-related than fat lib related I figured I’d send it here, I hope that’s okay.

Do you have any recommendations for people with this kink who are so deeply ashamed by it that they haven’t been able to tell anyone about it their entire lives? I’m alloace and never had a partner partially because the only sense of sexuality I have is this kink and I have always felt like that makes it almost impossible to truly connect with a partner without knowing 100% they’re into it beforehand. And yet, I have so much social anxiety that I hardly meet people period and given the shame surrounding this kink I kind of assume anyone who I’d really click with would never tell me they were also interested in this and wanted me to feed them unless we’re already in a relationship. I can’t even be open and honest with friends about it because I’m terrified of their judgement especially because I AM so pro-fat lib and have been so vocally around them and I dunno. U saw all those anons u got lol.

I dunno I’ve just resigned myself to never having that kind of intimacy but it’s hard sometimes when I know deep down that it’s what I want. Do you have any recommendations for what I can do to start being more open and honest about my sexuality and hopefully feel a lot less ashamed? (For the record I am very sex-positive, for everyone but me if that makes sense. Lmao.)

Hey there anon, it's absolutely okay! I'd love to have more of these conversations with fellow feedists on this blog, especially since it's a much safer space for all of us.

Oof. I just wanna reach through the screen and give you a great big hug. I can completely relate to what you're going through right now (also as an alloace). I struggled with the exact same fears before coming out to anyone 5-ish years ago. It's so hard to feel like you have to hide or deny such a big part of who you are, and I hope you're doing okay. Just sending me this ask is a great step towards self acceptance, because connecting with other people who get it can help so much. If you need to talk, my inbox and dms are always open. ❤️

I will say the most monumental step for me was talking about it out loud with someone. Although the shame may cause paranoia, I promise that you can tell your best friend and they will still love you. Yes, the backlash from fat libbers on the internet is scary, but they don't know us, we're just a concept to them. The people who know you already know that you are not a predator. The people who know you know your intentions are good, they love you, and they want to support you. If they listen to you with compassion when you express yourself other times, they will listen with compassion when you talk about this.

The fact that you are passionate about fat liberation means you have already crossed the biggest obstacle when it comes to self acceptance for feedists: knowing that there is nothing wrong with fatness. Most people take their entire lives to discover that fact (or never do), and you are already there. And from what it sounds like, you are surrounding yourself with fat positive friends. That's huge. Take a minute to celebrate yourself for that.

If you decide to open up about being a feedist to anyone, be selective. Fat positive people are safer because they already understand the basics. They already know you're passionate about fat lib, being a feedist won't negate that, it will make sense. Most people actually have no idea what feedism is, so you might have the chance to explain it for the first time in a way that is positive, and that can be incredibly validating and empowering.

The person you share this with will know how hard it is for you. The first time I opened up to my best friend about it, I wept on her shoulder. Nothing changed between us except I felt seen and supported, and now she sends me posts with food and teases me about fat guys, and we laugh about it, like she would with any friend. It's made me feel so much more close to normal.

If that feels impossible right now, that's okay. Keep talking to feedists online, keep seeking community. I had to make friendships with feedists years before I could even imagine telling my own friends. The more normal you feel, the less scarier it gets.

It can be really, really hard. I ended up seeking therapy because I was struggling so much with shame. I knew I needed it, but for years I put it off because I didn't know if I could trust a therapist, I thought they might diagnose me with a sexual disorder and try to give me conversion therapy! Needless to say, that was the shame talking. Fear can cause our minds to heighten things out of proportion. It also took years of conversations out loud with a friend or two to finally be able to talk about it in a therapy setting. This shit takes time. After I discovered fat liberation, flung myself into the research and dissolved some of my own fatphobia (the BIGGEST step of all!) I ended up searching for a fat-positive, kink-conscious therapist, and guess what? They exist! They are 100% sex positive, understand the principle of bodily autonomy and that health does not determine a person's worth, and will remind you of those things over and over. I still see my therapist, they've always been in my corner cheering me on. They've helped me through the shame and fear, and they've helped me navigate my sexual & romantic relationships as a feedist. It's one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself.

Here's a post I made on how to find feedist-friendly therapists.

"I have always felt like that makes it almost impossible to truly connect with a partner without knowing 100% they’re into it beforehand."

I feel the exact same way. It was so isolating and horrifying before I realized that I don't have to date non-feedists. I know this is something that will likely take a LOT of healing first, but I want to share my experience just so that you can see what a potential future looks like. First I tried dating on feabie, got into my first relationship, but it ended very badly for me. Again, it took a long time, but eventually, once I knew my self worth, knew that there are lots of people out there who will be into what I'm into, and could spot red flags, I was able to disclose my preference for feedism on regular dating apps. I didn't care what strangers thought. Some people asked me what it was all about, politely expressed that it wasn't for them, and we parted ways. It is such a relief to have potential partners know I'm a feedist up front. I eventually met my current partner and the love of my life on Hinge. I had feedism in my profile and he sent me a message saying, "hey! I'm into that too." If a feedist relationship is something you feel like you can't live without, I want you to know that it's possible for you. If you tell people what you're looking for, they will come. You'd be so, so suprised. But it takes a while to get there. The fact that you want it for yourself is huge, and I am so proud of you for reaching out for support.

Take it from someone who lied awake every night in agony, crying and worrying and wishing I just had someone out there to tell me that it was going to be okay.

Please know this, dear heart:

It's going to be okay. ❤️

#feed the inbox #self acceptance #community #conversations #kink positive #feedism community #feedism kink

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bisonaari · 4 months

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So!! How is Finland going so far for me?

If you've talked to me in the past days you've probably heard all of this so I'm sorry in advance, you can skip the post hahaha !

First of all: the temperature is the same as in Canada HAHAHA. Sure it's currently a bit colder, but nothing that would be unusual in winter in Canada. So we've been perfectly ok with our usual winter clothes!

We had troubles locating our airbnb when we arrived. But we've been helped by @katinkulta and @taidotonheiluja and everything went ok in the end! I have to admit that because of the stress, the lack of sleep, the fact that I don't speak finnish and the travel time, the first two days I REALLY wanted to just go back home hahaha. But I'm better don't worry. I'm just an anxious bean

The day after that, I've been helped by Elsa again (my saviour) and she went grocery shopping with me and my partner, so we finally got food! (I don't eat a lot when I'm stressed, but my partner is, surprisingly enough, a normal human being who needs to eat. Weird)

Elsa is absolutely lovely and I really adore her company. She's as much fun as she is on the internet! A blessing to have her as a friend <3

The day after that was UMK! We met with Elsa again and with @teal-skull to have breakfast together before the rehearsal started. WHY IS EVERY MUTUAL I MEET SO FREAKING NICE??? This will apply to every single person mentionned in this post because everyone is a sweetheart seriously!

This is also the moment where I realized that I just could… throw a "puhutko englantia" when speaking to employees at stores YES I KNOW IT TOOK ME TWO DAYS BUT I AM VERY DUMB WHEN I'M ANXIOUS OK so I did that and WOW SURPRISE!! The employees said yes and switched to english!! INCREDIBLE, RIGHT. Urgh I'm so dumb hahaha

The UMK rehearsal was incredibly fun, I've seen almost all the artists that I wanted to see in Finland good I can now leave and never come back (that's a lie). But like KUUMAA, Benjamin, Käärijä (with JUKKA !!! ON STAGE!! IN FRONT OF ME), Erika Vikman, Pilvi Hämäläinen (she counts ok), and all the UMK contestants were people who I wanted to see live so bad, and now it's done I'm super happy. I've seen Cha Cha Cha live!!!!

After the rehearsal we met with @omppupiiras @formulalakana and @smimon to go get food together <3 What is funny is that no one knew what the others looked like, but I'm so easily recognisable that we were able to find each other anyway lol

I'm so thankful for everyone that I've met so far. Also other friends that manifested in dms to help me if I needed it! Like @because-its-eurovision for example <3

Some things that surprised my partner and I in Finland so far:

I've said it to a lot of people but the trains are so silent??? Like in Québec, you can hear the metro a few minutes before you can actually see it arrived. Here we've been JUMPSCARED by sudden trains we didn't hear arrive???

Dish drying cabinets my beloved. How did I live before you??? This is SO useful holy shit

The food is so expensive ;A; I was expecting it to be more expensive, but not by that much hahaha. I guess we're gonna eat a lot of pasta during our trip hahaha

I love how pedestrian friendly the city is (I've only been in Tampere so far). The sidewalks are double the size I'm used to in Montréal! You can walk to anywhere, there are tons of trams and buses, this is fantastic (I'm too anxious to take the tram and the bus though lol)

See you in a while for another update!!

#bison talks

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mmoodd-jobutupaki · 6 months

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*takes a deep breath* AHHHHHDKAJFKSJA

I JUST WATCHED BOY AND THE HERON AND I LOVE IT SM AND IT'S SO GOOD.

So obvs, it's studio ghibli, it's gna be some of the prettiest stuff you've ever seen. So many scenery frames made me think "I'm gna scour the internet for them and repaint them as art practice. It resembles smudgy oil paintings rather than studio ghibli's gouache style (see spirited away, Totoro) but it's honestly beautiful nonetheless, and seeing it on the big screen made me feel like I was in the movie. There's even a stone passage that looks like the one from Coraline. The animation works so smoothly to make the film an overall wonderful immersive experience.

The character design was so good. You have your classic ghibli, countryside, apron wearing girl. Your boy with spiky hair. And probably the best addition of a butch seafarer, Kiriko, dubbed by Florence Pugh (oh my goodness I am too gay for this). The grannies were so inexplicably lovely and visually distinct I just want a hug from them. The wizard (Mark Hamill having this otherworldly yet grounded design and amazing hair. The heron was oddly grotesque without being scary (this is such a gift only japanese have.) and his various designs fluctuate along with the story. I was surprisingly intrigued by the fact that even in crane form, he had human teeth. And ofc THE WARAWARA.

GOSH THEY ARE ADORABLE I LOVE THESE DAMN TAPIOCA PEARL LOOKING THINGS THEY HAD ME SQUEALING IN THE THEATRE EITH HOW CUTE THEY ARE.

The score is beautiful and I dare say that it's on par, maybe even better than the Spiderverse score (and that's REALLY HIGH praise coming from me, I love the Spiderverse score to the point where it's on my Spotify wrapped.) I loved how the use of motifs, especially in relation to magic in the film. And definitely need to go give it more listens. 11/10 would recommend listening to it even outside of the film, it's just that great, give it a Grammy or smth.

Humor in this film is hilarious without being corny. It's very on the nose, what's currently happening in the scene humor. Characters (won't say who) also have amazing dynamics that supply a lot of humor for the film. Obviously we have that last snippet from the trailer and I'll give you this out of context "Mahito's turned into a parakeet"

The story is very easy to follow. The first half of the story is very grounded. And even in the second fantastical half, the visuals and little sprinkles of just the right amount of information help to guide us through the amazing fantastical world. Nothing ever feels too spoonfed to the audience or too overwhelming.

Spoilers below the cut

Character was great too. The main cast each have a very touching emotional aspect and nothing is what it seems, not from the trailers and not even within the show. Characters go on journeys you never could've expected from the beginning of the show. Such as the heron, who I genuinely thought from trailers was gna be the bad guy but turned into a genuine, squat goblin companion. And the parakeet king goddamn I thought he was gna be a good guy with his "we must protect this world" gig, not some giant cannibalistic parakeet with a surprising penchant for sneaking. Anyway, I especially loved how we meet characters almost multiple times with how we're introduced to different versions of them. Kiriko>>>

The moral of this story had me confused ngl, but I'm fcking dumb and need to go read some analysis so ignore this. The main message I got was that "Life is shit. But it's worth living and I can make it better for myself. Through friends, I don't have to be alone through it all" which made me tear up ngl since I've been struggling with life this year and seeing how our boy Mahito went from being a closed off lil squat to that *cries*. Personally I interpreted the great granduncle and his blocks as seeing what's wrong with the system the older generation has built, and demanding more from it/straight up turning away from it. Also Mahito learning to let go of his mom. The pelicans wanting the best for their children and not always liking what they have to do for survival as a link to war soldiers @hamable . I also read from @simplysparrow14 and @rockpaperimpala the film is also Miyazaki coming to the realisation that 'studio ghibli will be his legacy and it will be put to rest, it won't be the same if continued without him and that's okay' and ow I just got hit in the feels.

To summarize the boy and the heron excelled, slaps, is show stopping, brilliant, awesome, a true work of art and soul and 11000/10 go watch it ON THE BIG SCREEN I am not joking.

#ahh i just saw it #it's so good #*cries*#110000/10I love this film #go watch it #amazing showstopping brilliant talented #soulful #the boy and the heron #studio ghibli #hayao miyazaki #art #also it's like 2am here I stayed up writing this

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justxtalking · 3 months

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I'm so mad right now and I need to rant. I know I should get over it, but I literally can't. It's so annoying to meet hxh fans in real life.

I'm buying bit by bit the volumes of yu yu hakusho and hunter x hunter (level e is not available in my country), and reading them (again). I got volume 28 and took some photos of some panels that I liked and shared them as a collage in my story. It looked nice, I liked it and I am really happy that I finally got it. The thing is that a friend I haven't properly talked to for I don't know how long saw my story and realized that I liked hxh. We started talking, but damn, I don't regret sharing what I bought, but why are people like this? This is the second time it happens to me (third time if I include a non-fan but knows hxh): everytime someone hears that I like togashi's work, they start complaining about the popular hiatus (as if he's the only mangaka who does that). I so prefer to meet the guys who act all surprised everytime I go to buy a hxh volume in the comic book store. At least they try to make a conversation about the story and just ask me about my favorite character.

My conversation with this guy started with him just complaining about how togashi doesn't continue the story and he should leave it to someone else but he's too proud and blablabla. I tried to be sympathetic since he seems to be a fan of his work from years ago, but I did defend togashi a whole lot (he said I should stop defending him but never in my life I would do such a thing). I find it awful how some fans still put so much pressure on togashi to continue hxh when we know about his condition. And to just leave the story to someone else? It's clear that those people haven't done anything close to a story to say that.

I literally already made peace with the fact that I don't need an ending. As a fan, of course I want to know how it ends. But also as a fan, I don't want him to sell his soul to the devil only to know the ending.

And something I said to this guy was that he should make his own ending, I have mine and I will throw it away when hxh ends. It was literally a joke to lighten up the situation and it wasn't even something to focus on because in between I was saying other things. And he literally focused on that and said "don't let it be fujoshi" (used as an insult) and I'm here like: are we back into the 2000s and nobody told me?

1. What is the problem?

2. Why do you care?

3. We didn't even speak about any kind of ships, what are you trying to say?

4. Are you sure you know what type of story you're reading?

And this question is for me: How am I meeting dude bros in real life? Why are they in the WILD? AND HOW THE HELL DID I BEFRIEND ONE YEARS AGO WITHOUT ME KNOWING? I want a friend who also likes hxh and togashi's work to talk, but not like this </3

I'm so tired of these kind of people. While living my life outside of the Internet and just being in my corner of the fandom living the great life, I tend to forget that they still exist and there are people who still act like this. What annoys me the most is that literally, they don't know what type of story they're reading. They like to say they like hxh because they know it's good and it gives you some kind of "status" within the anime community because togashi is a really good mangaka and someone who influenced a lot of people within the manga community. Without him, shonen as a genre wouldn't be the same. But then, they also choose to ignore what they don't like about his work, like the queer elements. It's highly known that togashi loves to play with gender and sexuality, but that's only a fact for them when they find it convenient. If you don't like it, don't watch/read it, but it's ignorant and blatant stupid to just act as if it's not there and talk shit about other people only because it's uncomfortable to you. And I'm not even saying that everyone should analyze the story, some people just like to enjoy it and move on with their lives and some others don't know how to analize it, but one thing is that and another thing is just to close off to the possibility when it's clearly there. But of course, the others are sick, not them who are clearly homophobic and don't want to admit it. They should ask themselves why do they get so mad about the possibility of two kids being together romantically and just work on themselves. What's worst is that this guy even said to me he likes NANA and I don’t want to know what kind of interpretation he has because DAMN

To be honest, sometimes I'm a bit surprised about how well togashi seems to know the anime community, but of course he does, he's being a fan for how long now and he's being a mangaka for how long. And I so hope he keeps trolling because DAMN these people are annoying

The worst part is that these fans wouldn't even be friends with togashi or wouldn't like him as a fan because togashi really does look like the type of fan they would hate. Togashi likes BL, mpreg, obscure stories, horror (body horror even) and science fiction (both genres who allow and are known for queerness), he used to make doujinshis (even in an era that was even more bad looked upon than now), he likes to draw bishonen characters (even in a time which was more common to see buff characters in shonen), he drew gender-bender designs of kurama and hiei, he included a homoerotic art of kurama and karasu (a friend made it for him i think) in his doujinshi, he wanted to make a shonen with gay characters and crossdressing and the list goes on and on. He likes so many things that these others fans are disgusted by and it really looks like they don't know who they are admiring. The reason why ending D got so much negative attention when it came out is because it doesn't sound believable that a mangaka like togashi himself, the same person who made level e and is constantly worried of making an interesting story, would make such a bland and heteronormative ending in a story like hxh no less.

They should just shut up and go do their homework instead, they look ridiculous.

And no, I didn't answer this guy again and I don’t think I will, though I really want to troll him.

#hxh #togashi #justxtalking #rant is over #I've been trying to study korean but couldn't focus so i came here #me correcting the typos after i posted it #and by the way he doesn't like killua but loves gon #who hurt him so much

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ineedlelittlespace · 4 months

Note

for the ask game: ratthi murderbotdiaries?

Send Me a Character

Oh, Ratthi, my beloved...🥰

First impression

Like a lot of us, I only had eyes for Murderbot the first time I read ASR---the human team absolutely got shoved to my mental backburner while I was busy relating to MB. In the five seconds I did spend thinking about Ratthi, it was mostly in a "oh, so this is going to be the problem child, huh?" way when he almost walked outside into the worm's mouth.

Impression now

I love him, your honor.

But also, he is an all-around delightful human being. There's a kindness and an earnestness to his character that is just so endearing you can't help but like him, especially when you layer in the fact that he's excellent at his job, great at adapting to high-pressure situations on the fly, and has the people skills to successfully navigate the absolutely wild interpersonal interactions that the series keeps throwing at him.

Favorite moment

That whole sequence in Fugitive Telemetry where he and Gurathin drop everything to help Murderbot do some light breaking and entering. It feels like the equivalent of an errand hang-out, but if your bestie spends its spare time solving murders rather than picking up dry cleaning and going to Target. I love the implication that this is just what they do now, once Murderbot has settled into the group. Friends help friends with projects, right? So, obviously, Ratthi is going to help in whatever way he can.

Idea for a story

I kind of want to do more of his PoV for various scenes throughout the series. He's present for so many of the juiciest scenes---there's a lot to work with!

Also, it might be fun to do something with his friendship with Arada and Overse, perhaps with some backstory on their first meetings and how they moved from colleagues to besties.

Unpopular opinion

In all honesty, I don't feel like there's too much pressure re: popular vs. unpopular opinions in the Murderbot corner of the internet. The only thing that comes to mind with Ratthi is that I think we tend to...soften him a little too much sometimes. There's a tendency to focus mostly on his skill as a people person or a friendly face, not necessarily on the fact that if he wasn't so good at his actual job, he probably wouldn't be on Mensah's team. We see him tackle gory jobs like cleaning up the battle aftermath on ART in Network Effect, we see him jump into helping with medical emergencies, and in Fugitive Telemetry, he immediately identifies that "someone was dead here" when they come upon the scene of the murder because the physical signs are obvious to a biologist. As far as the humans of the series go, Ratthi is very capable!

Favorite relationship

Aside from the obvious friendship with Murderbot itself, I really do love that he's best friends with Arada and Overse. I love that these three stuck together for the next survey to follow the disastrous events of ASR. I love that their friendship is so obvious and loud that even Book One Murderbot could immediately point it out. I just really like seeing healthy platonic friendships (especially ones that coexist with and do not compete against healthy romantic ones involving some of the same characters), okay?

Favorite headcanon

The infamous "Who's this?" line from ASR was a full-on my-brain-is-short-circuiting-and-my-mouth-got-ahead-of-my-mind moment, not necessarily an ah-yes-a-stranger-to-be-introduced moment.

#thank you so much for the ask!#i love these games #ratthi #the murderbot diaries #murderbot

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endlessdreamerxoxo · 2 years

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"Stop this War"

I will try to be nice with this post, but I really dislike people telling Hellcheer shippers to stop this war with st*ddies in the name of peace and harmony. Although, I do like the sentiment. I really do. I just can't be quiet about the bold harassment and the unnecessary toxicity against something I like and people I admire for their creativity. And I really do question whether those people truly understand the fundamental problem that Hellcheer shippers have with toxic st*ddies and the scope of the situation in general.

I'm checking the A03 tags as I write this post up and currently

we (Hellcheer) have 956 works on the website.

Steddie have 7,013 works on the website.

And Harringrove (a ship that has been around since 2017) has 8,415 works on the website.

For a better comparison, that means that Steddie has exactly 1,402 fics to go to meet the cumulative effort of 5 years hard work in a less than 3 months since the official creation of the ship. That's utterly insane. And if we did that math again, Steddie has 6,057 more fics than Hellcheer. That's the fucking scope that we are dealing with.

Their ship is the Lusitania, while our ship is a rowboat.

Many of us have always say this over and over, we were minding our business for a good solid week or two (I came around June 9th into the tumblr fandom) before claims were being made about Chrissy's age. Personally I didn't even know that people were shipping Steve x Eddie (cause they have no chemistry in my eyes) because no one was talking about them in the 'edssy' tags and I don't have twitter. People were just making fanart and other things to celebrate our cute ship. So I literally discovered Steddie's existence as we got called out for p*dophilia (which is not the correct term, but go off) and homophobia. From my viewpoint, we got dragged into a shipping war against our will as we kicked and screamed at the the top of our lungs that we didn't want a war. I know for my "Joe Quinn was Right" posts, I danced around my actual feelings to preserve peace and minimize hate. I know a lot of my mutuals did that and continue to do that with those who are stalking their accounts and sending them threats. We have been vocal about not caring whether someone ships St*ddie or Hellcheer. Nevertheless, we are also been very clear to point the obvious flaws in shipping Steddie and or their sketchy behavior, while acting as holy than thou than the rest of the fandom:

The misogynistic harassment of Grace (and Amybeth).

The biphobia and bi erasure.

The fetishization of attractive white gay men.

The constant whining for some or better wIw rep in Ronance, but than ignoring the canonical lesbian ship of Rockie in the show or failing to give Ronance the same amount of love as your mIm ship.

Only making Chrissy a lesbian because they want her away from Eddie under the guise of allyship.

The stealing of lines from other scenes or characters in order to make their ship more cute and fluffy.

The mass reporting of Hellcheer artwork.

The invalidation of people's queer identities/sexualities because they ship a heterosexual ship (or a straight passing if they see it that way).

The obsessive nature that people have formed a parasocial bond with Joe Quinn to the point where they are assuming his sexuality, stalking his family's social media for pics where he was a minor for some twisted reason, and harassing him on his family vacation.

Like we can't bring up those facts because we don't want a shipping war? We didn't even bring up those fact until recently because we have been poked for a entire two months straight. Grace literally thought her safety was in danger, going to an con because her friend was attending the same event. Are you really telling us not to say anything? Are you telling them to mind their own business and go to their corner of their internet with their 7,013 fics and their shit ton of fanart? Because the reality is this extremely tiny Hellcheer squad can't stop this war. Even if we decided not to call people out and did our own thing, people would still be harassed and made to feel like crap about themselves for liking this ship. Even if Joe came out tomorrow and say stop this war, toxic St*ddies would think that Grace is holding him hostage at knife point. St*ddies are the only one who can stop this war, but they wouldn't until they get Steve x Eddie as canon (which they will never have). We are truly just trying to defend ourselves and just want to be left alone.

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azlrse · 2 years

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➳ behind the screen (an idia shroud x GN!reader imagine)

CW: mentions of anxiety, internet relationship, typical idia behavior, overall fluff, not proofread & quite rushed due to my dead brain :///, reader isn’t Yuu; came from twisted wonderland.

A/N: writing for him for the first time because I love him to bits and this guy deserved all the love in the world (including my love :DD), also I heavily apologize if his character was too ooc (I repeat, it’s my first time writing for him so bare with me ;_;)

[reposting due to the post not being visible in the tags smhh]

Idia never knew that he could be in a romantic relationship due to his withdrawn and shy personality. He thought that it was just his pure luck that got him into having you as his first significant other, his other half and the person who made him comfortable whenever he talks about his hobbies and interests without being judged for. But, there’s something missing in this kind of relationship, aside from your words of affirmation and support, this man was touched starved and wants your presence beside him.

That’s one of the cons when it comes to internet relationships but before that, let’s go to the past shall we?

How did the both of you got together in the first place? Well, it seems like you also loved video games like our lovable Idia here. Playing video games was your escape from reality, your stress reliever, your happy pill and one of the many reasons why you’ve become talkative to your peers who are in the geek side of the school spectrum. The first time the both of you met is when you entered a online lobby for you to meet some more people to talk to. His username was the first thing you noticed about this mysterious player who saved you during on game. You thanked him on an open mic and was surprised by the sound of his voice.

It was captivating yet calm, his voice is the first thing you liked about him. You’re curious about the player with the captivating voice, so you send him a friend request and began chatting him. Idia was hesitant at first upon recieving your message but boredom began to took over his mind and so, he replied back but couldn’t help that his anxiety began to act up, words of nervousness and paranoia began to circle within his head.

What if they don’t like the way I replied to them?

Am I too lame for them?

Is my message too dry for them?

I shouldn’t have replied to them. I just wanna sunk into the void I created for myself…

But he was wrong. In fact, all of his negative thoughts proved him wrong when you complimented and fawn over his gaming skills and interests. The more he knows about you, the more you’ve become closer with this shut in otaku. Your friendship with Idia surpassed the 1 year mark and the two of you couldn’t be happier with each other’s company, even if it’s just on screen. That year is when the both of you had learned even more of yourselves aside from the games and anime the two of you had an interest on; it ain’t much but you learned more about him like his real name and which school he attended to. You also got along with his younger brother, which is a good sign for Idia himself.

It turns out that you went to another school that was too far away from NRC but it’s still okay for the two of you. As long as you have your closest friend by your side and hanging out with him between the screens, nothing could go wrong…

That was until you developed a crush on him and you know that your puppy love crush towards him could destroy the friendship you established with him in the past year. You know that you’re in the borderline between friendship and love. One wrong move and your string of friendship towards Idia could snap, causing the both of you to become strangers once more.

You didn’t want this to happen nor having the guts to tell him that you liked him, more than just friends. You just swallow this cursed feelings of yours until it becomes too unbearable and painful for you to handle. After, love can be both sweet and painful and that’s what makes love even more challenging for the two of you. He was a shut in, an otaku who couldn’t bare being outside for more than just a few hours and you’re a social butterfly who was the complete opposite of him. Yes, you played video games who also needs their alone time but you’ve become talkative as soon when it’s about your favorite hobbies and games.

But little do you know, your closest friend also liked you since the day the two of you gave some info about yourselves. Idia couldn’t believe that he developed a crush on you but was also sacred asf when the day comes for him to be honest with his true feelings towards you. He knew that what he felt was not just some kind of platonic love no no. It was different from what he felt towards his fictional crushes or his administration towards his favorite group.

He just fell in love with you.

He has romantic feelings for you.

But felt like you are out of league for him because 1. You’re way more social than him and 2. You’re really beautiful/handsome in his perspective that you deserve someone better than a shut in loser like him.

On the other hand, you dropped subtle hints that you liked him to see if he picked up the signs and to your disappoinment, he was too oblivious to your signs, mistaking it as platonic love.

His younger brother was facepalming to himself after seeing the commotion. He knows that you have a crush on his older brother and Idia also have a crush on you so he made a plan for him to confess right to the spot. After he paused weekly video chat with get something from the kitchen, Ortho unmuted the mic and told you that his brother really liked you, showing the recordings of their conversation as proof on how he fawns over you and how much he wants to meet you. How he wants to give you hugs and kisses here and there (if he’s bold enough fjfjrj-) and for you to be his lover.

Upon hearing what Ortho had told you through the call, Idia ran towards his cybertronic sibling and began to apologize on his brother’s behalf thus, ending the 3 hour call with your best friend or is it?

You know how Idia’s anxiety could act up when he’s in a uncomfortable space and by you knowing on how much he really likes you does add up the spice to his internal panic attacks. Through your chats with him, you reassured him that it’s okay for him to have such feelings and you’re gonna give him some space as a way to relieve his internal panic attack. You almost felt bad for his younger brother who spilled the beans towards you but thanks to him, you’re relieved after knowing that he also have a crush on you.

And so, you also confessed to him that you liked him romantically and explained to him that he’ll just ring up when he’s okay to talk to you.

For a few hours, Idia didn’t replied to your messages due to his feelings of fear and paranoia towards you, thinking that you’re grossed out that a disgusting otaku like him really fancied liked you for a long time. How come a shut in like him fell for a social butterfly like you? The two of you are like polar opposites; he was your moon and you’re his sun, a sun that makes his day even brighter in the dark abyss he made for himself.

From the words of his younger brother, he gathered the courage to reply to your messages.

Oh boy was his mouth went wide as soon as he saw your long and heartfelt confession on how you also really liked him, more on the romantic spectrum and explained on why you liked him so much. Aside from his interests and hobbies, you also admitted that you liked his voice from the first time the two of you met, how he smiled during the first time you two decided to have a video call and admitted that he was never a nuisance nor an annoyance if he becomes talkative towards his interests.

Oh how he jumped up from his bed and let’s out a wholesome laugh after he reads your confession. This alerted Ortho and after he knew the commotion, he congratulated his older brother for obtaining his loving player two.

He almost forgot to respond to your message, leaving you on read and making you scared and nervous.

But what felt like hours upon seeing the little chat head, he finally responded to your chat and thanked you for your uttermost honestly and asked you if you want to become more than friends and become his player two. You felt your heart beating non stop as butterflies began to rummage through your stomach. The warm feeling of your puppy love crush towards him made you feel very special as you replied with a “yes” with a small heart beside the message.

And so your love story with Idia Shroud himself had surpassed the two year mark and the two of you couldn’t be happier, even your relationship with your boyfriend is still through the screens. Sure not all the time your relationship with your gamer boyfriend is picture perfect but stood up against all odds, no matter how difficult or easy it was to overcome.

Your 2 year anniversary with your boyfriend is coming up and what better way to celebrate this occasion was to meet him on person, in secrecy of course. Wanting to surprise your boyfriend with the game he really wanted, you took several part time jobs for you to afford the game and a small plushie of his favorite character from one of the games he hyperfixated. Traveling didn’t became a problem for you because of your supportive parents who gave you some money (maybe too much) for you to see your long term boyfriend.

Meanwhile, Idia didn’t know that you’re planning on visiting his school but still remembered the anniversary when the two of you became a thing. He thought that playing games and talking to you was the only thing he’s going to partake in but he was wrong once again. Seeing your profile being offline for 2 days makes a bit nervous and anxious, thinking that you might forgotten about this special day he dearly holds within his heart.

He called you several times time was disappointed when all that’s left of you was your voicemail, telling him that you might be busy and try calling you later. This causes him to be sad and quite lonely in his room and was about to cry when a knock on his dorm room startled him.

“Big brother! You have a visitor and seems like they’re the person you're trying to contact with from the past hour.”

His eyes widen a bit upon hearing Ortho’s words and as he opens the door, you dropped the gifts you have for him and gave him the biggest hug you could master. “Happy anniversary, sweetie! I’m so sorry if I haven’t contacted you for the last 2 days because of the long travel distance.” You sheepishly said while your boyfriend was still frozen like a statue from the sudden physical affection from his s/o.

“Y-you’re here?! (Y/n), I t-thought you forgot about me, let alone our anniversary. I-I was about to play some games with you but didn’t expect for you to see me in person.” He anxiously spoke. “…..I hope my appearance doesn’t disappoint you… But if you’re grossed out, I understand-”

“Hey, don’t berate yourself during our anniversary. I am not disappointed the way you looked nor creeped out by your appearance. You’re still the Idia Shroud I befriended and fell in love with.” You replied, hands on each side of his face. If you’re honest, your boyfriend was quite handsome in person. In fact, you loved his long blue hair, his yellow eyes and his overall appearance. “If I’m honest, you’re quite handsome, Idia and I am not joking.”

He felt like he could pass out in happiness by your sweet compliments.

“H-handsome? You- you think so...?” You only nodded and gave him the gifts you bought for him. “This is for you, I hope you like it!” He takes a look at the trinkets you bought just for him and quickly smiled as soon as his eyes landed on the game he always wanted. “You got this for me?! This game was like really hard for other players like me to obtain, plus it was expensive. How did you-”

“Working multiple jobs isn’t easy but anything for my precious gamer boyfriend.” Idia gave you a toothy grin, which melted your heart from his cuteness. He couldn’t thank you enough for the gifts you gave for him but it’s his turn for him to spoil you to bits.

Unless he was brave enough to give you those matching rings he just bought weeks before your 2nd anniversary.

Do not republish, edit, or repost to other websites.

Reblogs and likes are appreciated! 💕

#❥ azalea daydreams *.✧#twisted wonderland x reader #idia x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud x you #twst idia #twst x reader #twst fluff #idia shroud #twst imagines #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twst idia shroud x reader

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mockerycrow · 7 months

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if you’re comfortable, could you dive more into your military family/background? like just lil facts or something, whatever you wanna share! i just love learning about stuff like this, learning about other peoples lives, especially because im a huge maladaptive daydreamer and into creative writing, n my current obsession is the military / SAS and im just curious about what things are actually like, from a personal perspective.

and if not that’s perfectly okay!! ❣️❣️

i cant say too much because the family members that have served, many of them have signed different kinds of NDAs (non-disclosure agreements, so i haven’t been told too much) but I can talk about some of my dad’s experience. My dad was in the Navy and he was a machinists mate nuclear. He worked on a submarine and worked on some things and witnessed some things he had to sign NDAs for. He managed to meet a couple of SEALs and had in depth conversations with them. My dad easily dehumanizes folks due to his time in the service, too. He was never special forces, but it’s very important even basic bootcamp teaches you to dehumanize folks. that’s the point of it!!

My dad’s dad was also navy, although i don’t remember his specific rate (rate = job, it’s the navy version of job/MOS or “military occupational specialty”) but i do remember it involved fighting, he was a ww2 if i remember right. My mom’s dad was air force, also a ww2 vet, he was a pilot of some sort, retired now. old bastard is somehow alive 😭 (my parents were born in the 60s).

a hard topic.. one of my babysitters (who is a family friend) is a veteran who went to afghanistan. (reminder im american). he didn’t come back the same and not all of him came back.. and he came back very.. violent if that makes sense?? he never hit me, his wife, or his kids, but he is very dehumanizing. he was some sort of special forces and this guy is messed up.

growing up, my dad wasn’t like.. strict, he wasn’t around too much, but you could tell the military changed his life. he always refers to the family as a team instead of individuals (the military does that to you, strips you of individualism and gives you the team mindset). he’s a great leader and he’s one of my role models as a human being in the real world. i grew up and got educated by him and the internet about the military, so i know quite a lot. if you have any specific questions about literally anything, i can try my best to answer!!!

i’m also going into the military and i’m open to questions abt that :-)

#crow answers #pls ask me more questions #i love talking about this

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aroaceconfessions · 1 year

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I have always been all about love. As a child i was a typical little girl, y'know, pink, pretending to be a princess and watching Barbie movies, a lot of kids movies in general. Love was in almost all of them, so as a child i also wanted to smooch my Ken and have a happy life with a boyfriend.

I was constantly chasing after my friend trying to kiss him (we were even together for a few years in the kindergarten/first class until he broke up with me, so you could say that i already had my first relationship heh)

Then my interest in romance started to fade slowly as i grew up, you know, sometimes i thought about it and also about IT (although it always grossed me out) but not much more then a normal tween girl would do, i think.

Sometimes i thought i was gay, i always knew one of my famale classmates was pretty and i still think she's cute. I also saw a lot of people on the internet that i thought we're gorgeous, but even when i questioned myself if i actually had a crush on somebody (when i thought twice in a row that they are pretty) deep down i knew that the answer was no, and i was just trying to fool myself.

Seventh grade. Oh boy.

This is the time where teens usually start thinking about romance, right? My cousin - she's my age - told me how she was in a couple of internet relationships and how one of them litterally showed up to her school dance to meet her (he is her age and he lived in the area, don't worry) when she broke up with him because she didn't actually wanted to date him when the possibility showed up. And i asked myself "why bother then" if she didn't want to date him for real then why did she "date him" at all?

My classmate also got a boyfriend at some point that she mentioned at school (at least in my presence) once, when she told a story how they were together 2 weeks and never spoke again. "Why then?" I still asked myself.

I thought, and still think, that 13-14 is too young to date. If you don't really want to try, or you don't really feel anything for the other person, or you litterally don't know them, then don't date?? It seemed so obvious to me. So I set myself a rule to follow. No dating before 15. First of all, 15 is the age that i think is acceptable for teens to date, kiss, whatever, second of all i thought i would be mature enough to handle that kind of thing.

I'm not.

I never assumed that when i turn 15 i automatically get a partner but- uh it's just such a weird concept. Aside the fact that I'm litterally mentally not ready to BE in a relationship because i have mental and emotional problems to figure out and fix first but i don't think i WANT to be in a relationship. It's too much, and i also am not able to even imagine falling in love with someone and having them liking me back, the chances are one in a billion!

Most of the time love is a fun concept, something that i maybe would want to experience, feel like everyone else and just be happy with my second half, but there are also times when i just want to stay with my parents and love them and them only, not caring about romance and these other disgusting stuff that people my age apparently like(??)

I just don't know. Everytime I try to figure it out i tell myself that I'm just too young and i will find my answer later in life, but is that really possible? I just want to know and live with full knowledge that i am looking for a partner or not.

Submitted April 15, 2023

#aromantic #aro #arospec #aspec #questioning #dating #relationships

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erinelizabethh · 1 year

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Time Slip | Chai x Reader (1/?)

Summary: Chai, ambassador of Vandelay Technologies, certainly has his ways of communication. You, living in the suburbs outside the campus, don't even have a cell phone. You know what they say about relationships...

“I think I’m in love…”

He thinks so, teetering towards knowing so, and his hands are a layer of protection against a pillow soft as silk. His heart beats to a love song from the eighties, the strum of a guitar following drums mellow and soft; “Chai,” a voice calls, yet Chai himself hums along and brushes the hair upon the back of his neck with every tap… tap… tap. The world matches his frequency, down to the radio that follows his movements and the lamp by his bedside that flickers with the seconds that pass by. When he recalls of lips on his, the tempo gains momentum and he feels his heart bursting from his chest like the night before. His head nods, high-tops shaken off his feet and to the floor, and he wiggles one foot back and forth counting the beats per minute.

“She kissed me—” Chai sighs like his roommate, although hers is akin to an exhale of exasperation, “and her lips were like, really soft. She also digs some of my music, y’know, and—”

Peppermint sits up with a huff and a groan of his name, ribs leaning over crossed legs to retrieve her laptop from the foot of her bed. Her taps are rapid, in search for answers, and her eyes catch at her peripheral cheeks a brush of crimson. With a roll of her eyes, Chai’s muse is but a name inside a search bar, mundane like Peppermint expects her to be. Not a Vandelay, of course, because Peppermint’s got that covered. Not anyone to note, really; in fact there is nothing to be found about you. All over the internet lacks memories of you, selfies to possibly attribute you to a trait, or even a page that doesn’t draw a, “So you… weren’t catfished?” out of her mouth.

She might have to blow off the dust of her mother’s Yellow Pages for this one.

“Oh no no no no, my dear Peppermint. She is very much real.” Peppermint will remember that. “Oh yeah, so real that we’re actually going out on another date tomorrow!”

When your lips pulled from his, your eyes were eager to meet his own. His lips were really soft, you noted, except you didn’t taste a hint of balm. Would he agree with you if you said they fit perfectly against yours? Perhaps, if he did, you would be the one submitting to him the second time. Upon lowering your gaze, you found his fingers metal and flesh alike fidgeting as the spark on his lips lingered. You shared the sentiment, your body aflame from seconds before yet itching to experience it once more. Again, you looked up past the blush upon his cheeks and into eyes of chestnut hues in search of an answer.

He could not meet your gaze this time, shuffling away from the sight to behold before him for inanimate objects that didn’t increase his heart rate to insane levels. The daisies placed aside on your third stair, for example, yeah, that was a good one… except your chosen scent definitely resembled that of the flower. Chai, at that moment, was meek in his reaction and unlike the guy that delivered the one-liner that brought him to your doorstep. His brain was failing him, lagging behind his heart rapid in its beats. The rhythm inconsistent, whatever love song he once heard in passing was taking over him.

The heart wants what it wants, he noted, his justification meant to halt the trembling of the rest of his body. “I— I, uh… can we run that back?”

Inching closer to him to oblige his request, Chai followed your movements before he raised his wrist to his face and said: “Oh crap!” His watch, gifted to him by a friend of his of gentle nature and reading well past his allotted time, were reflecting eyes wide in his failure to check like he was told to multiple times by multiple people. Until his gaze found yours, his watch had the pleasure of analyzing the panic on his face; however, he then couldn’t help but mimic the frown tugging on your lips. “I really gotta’ go… but– but I’m free all day Thursday! Do you maybe… wanna do this again? Please?” Snapping his fingers, he then takes one step down your stairs as if approaching an idea. “There’s a concert! I’ll snag two tickets! Seven sound good?”

The man was already dashing past people down your block, past boomboxes that live to his rhythm. “It’s a date,” you called to him, eyeing his figure shrink in the distance as your breathing slowed.

A groan, then a smack to your forehead. You really need to get yourself a cell phone.

#chai x reader #chai hi fi rush #hifi rush #hi fi rush #you don't even know where the concert is #writing #x reader #spoilers #hifi rush spoilers #hi fi rush spoilers

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startingfires · 5 months

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you're actually a huge inspiration to me hdhjghghjh. like I think of you as an example that things will be okay idk how to explain it like you've been through so much shit and you still have the warmest sunniest vibes yk? i think of you as my cool baddie internet older sister who used to have social anxiety as bad as me and also grew up on the internet but moved to a whole ass other continent to study something she didn't even like and still figured it out and finds so much joy in everything?? and I admire that so much you're my adulting role model tbh and also especially when it comes to social stuff because i feel like you're so chill about that (in a way that is actually realistic for someone like me because i will never relate to people who have only ever lived in one place their whole life and have never struggled with social anxiety and have their best friends where they live) and i aspire to get there. anyway love you bestie 💛

hello??????? kavya it's too early to make me cry 😭

this is the sweetest and loveliest message 🥺 i can't even begin to express how much this means to me.

the fact that you view me like that is so mind boggling to me. not to get deep and sappy on main but you opened the floodgates so now you must deal with the consequences.

i never viewed myself as someone who has "warm and sunny vibes" or who "finds joy in everything". that was definitely not me for a long long time. i never thought that that was someone i was able to be.

i was extremely sad, anxious, stressed, self-loathing and depressed for a very long time. i did not think i would ever be able to be where i am now. we met at the end of that phase of my life. i suppose things got better after i finished high school, then a bit better after i moved, then a bit better after meeting certain people and then a bit better after leaving physics behind (with therapy and medication being a big help through it all). i'm saying this because it takes time. it sucks to hear but it's true. i am not the same person i was at 12, 14, 17 or 19.

i feel like now that i've dealt with my baggage, i've reverted to my child self. i have never felt more connected to her actually. i used to be very happy, sunny, active, caring and kind as a young child. then shit happened and i had to find ways to cope. this led to me closing myself off, isolating and shielding myself from everything and everyone. my only comfort came from books and the internet. i did not have any friends, sometimes i felt like i was barely even alive.

now after leaving all of that behind and starting to live the life i actually want to live, i still don't have many friends and the internet is still my safe space. but the friends i do have are the best people i could ever ask for. they remind me of my worth and that i am loved. despite the distance that separates us, they prove to my younger self that she is not alone and that people who understand her and accept her for who she is exist. and they're pretty fucking cool.

i suppose the being "chill" about social stuff comes from maturing (and therapy lol). in the last couple of years i decided that the right people will find me, i do not need to settle for whoever is around just because. i can be me and if they don't like it then it's their loss. i don't need to mold myself into what i think they expect me to be or into what i think will make me be liked. i'm tired of doing that. i don't need to do that. i know that people that like me for me and that accept all of me with all of my flaws exist. and i don't need to try with them. they don't drain me. they fuel me to be more myself.

yes, it is lonely. and that does not mean that my social anxiety is gone, far from it. but it does make things easier. not settling also goes for all areas of life. you do not need to be in a situation that is not bringing you joy or fulfillment. you don't have to stick to it just because that's what you think people expect from you. the people who really care about you just want you to be happy. you are allowed to change your mind and make mistakes. it's scary but i promise you that it is so so worth it.

it is hard to relate to people who have lived in one place for their entire life and have had the same friends since they were little. it does make you wish that that could have been you. it makes you feel displaced and alone. especially if you have had to deal with that from a young age. sadly, i do not have the answer to that specific issue. but it is nice and comforting to find people who have had similar experiences, even if they're not geographically close to you.

i've been writing this for way too long so it's time to wrap it up.

kavya, you are wonderful. i admire your passion, your drive, your openness and how you are unapologetically you. thank you for being in my life for all of these years. it has been a joy to see you grow. you will forever be my tumblr younger sister 💛💛💛 thank you for being in my life, i love you.

#i say all of this from a place of privilege and everyone's circumstances are different etc etc you know the drill #this is way too long i'm sorry akjdsfdaslja #kavya #ask

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