#I act like an optimist on here but I’m actually very angry all the time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

greywindys · 2 years

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New g mix analysis????

There were so many songs....God. But anyhow, yes. I'm ready to tackle this. The theme is once again “Tips for _____”, in this case, “Tips for 2022.” I'm going to alternate between 2D and Murdoc, as if they're in conversation. That's nearly 22 songs in total (2 of 2D's are instrumentals). I'm dying. Obligatory disclaimer that this is just for fun and obviously, shipping is dumb and will never happen. ANYHOW:

Security by Amyl and the Sniffers (Murdoc): Murdoc didn’t have to go so hard in his opener. It’s been a while, so I could be forgetting things, but is the most straightforward he’s been on these mixes. “Security, will you let me in your pub? // I’m not looking for trouble, I'm looking for love.” Tell us how you really feel. The opening verse is 2Doc in a nutshell. “Distracted you with all of my bullshit // I covered myself in distractions // Colors and patterns, you couldn't see the real me // I wanna deceive you, you're stupid, I'm fast.” Yeah, he’s been running away from 2D for over two decades now. Enough is enough!!1

150 by Porj (2D) - Hopefully, this is the right song. The only lyrics seems to be “Tell me what you want me for, me for…” Anon, I’ve only looked at 2 songs and I already know you’re correct. They’re basically talking to each other.

R&B by English Teacher (Murdoc) - “I've been writing R&B for you // I’ve been making you a tea.” Excuse me??? Murdoc literally made 2D tea. Who’s making these G-Mixes? What are you trying to do here? Also, I want to point out “Thing is, I've got a taste of what it feels like to be close enough // And I hope I can get my mind right so I can keep it up.” It’s very early to make any assumptions about what they’re going to do with Murdoc’s character, but lines like these always make me hopeful that they’re at least considering making his character more than a 2 dimensional villain.

Dark Blue by Caroline (2D) - Very little lyrics again. Just “I want it all // So tell them.” All of what? All the power? Full control of the band? (Let me have my evil!2D daydreams) All of Murdoc? Honestly, idk.

The Overload by Yard Act (Murdoc) - The return of angry activist!Murdoc. I love that Murdoc.

Strawberry by Doss (2D) - G-Mix maker, please. We were just reminiscing about the 2Doc strawberry story a few days ago. This song is more optimistic. In the artist’s words: “‘Strawberry’ feels like a pause, a punctuation between past and future moments. It’s about realizing that you are good and ok.” I picture 2D reminiscing about his relationship with Murdoc, and feeling okay because after everything, he’s still alive and inspired.

Clockwork by Lime Garden (Murdoc) - This song is about, per Lime Garden, “shedding light on the apprehension of adulthood.” Obviously, we all know Murdoc is an adult, but I’m sensing a theme here - coping with transitions in life. Murdoc, for all his terrible choices and near death experiences, is actually very risk averse in matters of relationships (platonic, romantic etc). But in his mix so far, he’s expressing a desire to commit to it, if he can; take the plunge and trust someone with all of himself *cough2dcough*. I mean, I’m not trying to sway him in one direction or another, but 2D did just say “he wants it all”….

London, I Love You but You’re Bringing Me Down by Malady (2D) - This one is weird. Activist!2D? Or at least a departure from the last song. Critical!2D, perhaps. Someone can correct me if I’m wrong, but Kong Studios is in London now, I think. Is 2D finally being more open about his fatigue with the rigamarole of touring, promotion, a constant audience, parties etc? That’s pure assumption based on personal hc, but I’m just saying.

Wet Dream by Wet Leg (Murdoc) - The artist call this song a break up song inspired by a period of time during which their ex would text them about having a dream about them. So, between 2D and Murdoc, who’s doing the dreaming and who’s doing the texting? Hmmm. I wonder if the answer is in 2D”s playlist…

YKWIM by Yot Club (2D) - Another break up song where the singer is “scared to be alone with their thoughts of what could have been and what is not.” The lyrics are very 2D ngl - “Seems like I care too much // When I'm all alone, oh no // I feel like I care too much // When no one's at home for me.” This kind of conflicts with earlier songs suggesting an more evolved 2D. But also, fair. Murdoc has always been his biggest obstacle emotionally and psychologically.

Landline by Binki (Murdoc) - “You're like a landline // Always keep my hands tied // Wonder how I like you and lie to you at the same damn time.” Literally so many of Murdoc’s songs are just like. “2D, you’re my anchor. You understand me. But I’m afraid of how real this is getting so I’m treating you like shit or running away, but I think I’m ready. Okay, maybe I’m not.” He came in so strong in the beginning!

Not Into You by Brooksie (2D) - As the title suggests: "Dude, she's just not into you, gotta move on, move on." Now, whose perspective is this from? Is it 2D trying to convince Murdoc that he's more over him than he actually is? Or is it 2D trying to convince himself to move on because Murdoc is never going to figure out his feelings, which must mean he's not as "into" 2D as he claims he is. 2D's just figured it out before him. Or is it broader...is 2D telling Murdoc he's not "into" him the way he was in P1. Sure he cares for him, but he isn't bending over backwards for him without question anymore. This is the most optimistic read, imo. 2D loves him, but his love is healthier now. he can move on if he has to.

GDP by Bob Vylan (Murdoc) - Political!Murdoc makes an appearance. Thank you Murdoc.

Anybody Else But U by poolsideconvo (2D) - I was forced to listen to this because the lyrics aren't easily google-able. It seems to be "Anybody else but you" repeated over and over. Something notable - the lyrics to the songs on 2D's mix are sparse relative to Murdoc's. My initial read is that this is reflective of how easy their relationship could be vs how hard Murdoc makes it. 2D's not incredibly complicated. He just wants to know what Murdoc wants. But Murdoc is going through a thousand different reasons to stay or go 24/7, so he can't even answer that simple questiton.

South by Wu-Lu ft Lex Amor (Murdoc) - Political!Murdoc makes his second appearance.

Jessica by Surya Sen (2D) - "Come on, Jessica // I know, I know // You're tired of the runaround." This one is also ambiguous. Who is Jessica in this situation? Murdoc? Or is this 2D talking to himself again.

Hung Up by The Mysterines (Murdoc) - I looked at the song title, and I already knew where it was going. "Will you ever come and let me know? // 'Cause you always leave me hanging me on." He literally always is, Murdoc, I stg. I also want to take this moment to ask: where exactly are the tips for 2022 in any of these songs? I don't feel like I'm getting any meaningful advice here. I feel like I'm getting unwillingly pulled into the relationship drama of two manchildren.

Rah That's a Mad Question by Barry Can't Swim (2D) - Instrumental. Thank god.

I am the Mud by Cheap Teeth (Murdoc) - No one seems to have posted the lyrics anywhere, so I had to listen again. "Your hands 'round my body. My dirty lizard body." I hear that. This sounds like a song you drink to in the pub.

Riviera by Loods (2D) - Another instrumental. Bless.

Handsome Man by Wednesday (Murdoc) - Murdoc's final song. There's a lot of Gorillaz-esque imagery in this one: "Holdin' a crossbow in a family photo," "Sending the biggest smile from Tokyo," "Whistlin' past a graveyard smash // With broken glass from a car crash." The end sounds like Murdoc has his decisiveness back. "The only reason I’m coming home // Is for my second hand handsome man." But who knows.

Intersection by Cortese (2D) - An instrumental. But I'll say something anyway. An intersection is "a place or area where two or more things (such as streets) intersect." So, while there may have been a lot of break up songs on these playlists, I think it's notable that 2D's final song is similar to Murdoc's in that there's this suggestion of meeting again, or at least crossing paths. Just something to chew on.

Anyhow, that's my liveblog. I may think of more later, but this more optimistic than I thought it would be. Overall impression is that 2D is coming into this a little more mature, but still attached to Murdoc. Murdoc thinks he's matured too, but time will tell if it's a false, transient sense of bravado. They both seem to think they'll find meet each other in the middle, some middle, eventually. But you know, they could still fail or the writers could ignore the hard work of whoever is in charge of these mixes (an unsung hero and agent of chaos).

#asks.#Anonymous #2doc #gma

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melo-yello · 3 years

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💤Can’t Sleep💤 w/ 💥🪨KiriBaku🪨💥 HeadCanons

Pairing(s): KiriBaku X black!reader, Eijirou Kirishima X Katsuki Bakugou X black!reader

A/N: fluff and ANGST. Like lots of ANGST. I had a rough week and honestly not very much sleep. What can I say. Sue me, I wanna hug and somebody to watch a movie with.

💤💥🪨 Lay on your stomach opening and closing your eyes as you try and convince yourself to sleep. Kirishima snores softly with an arm around Bakugou’s waist. He’s been pretty stressed lately so he gets to be middle spoon. Baku in turn has an arm draped over your shoulders.

💤💥🪨 The soft and peaceful looks on the boys’ faces are nothing but safe and warm and reassuring . Yet here you are unavailable to close your eyes long enough to drift off to sleep. Each time you close your eyes your heart attempts to tear a whole through your chest. The dim red light of the clock reads 2:56 as you slip out of Baku’s embrace for a glass of water

💤💥🪨 You settle on Jasmine tea instead. Quietly pulling a the kettle from the cabinet and turning on the tap just before placing it on the stove. You busy yourself in your phone in order to banish any form of thought from your head. Soon just blankly browsing through TikToks as you wait for the water to boil

💤💥🪨 The hair on the back of your neck stands at attention as you hear heavy footsteps and the creaking of the bedroom door. Short angry grumbles are traded with deep groggy grunts as the footsteps close in on your position. You glance up to see the time is now 3:22 and you hear the kettle whistling for the first. Mostly likely what woke your boyfriends to begin with. You scowl at the kettle.

💤💥🪨 “fuck you.” you curse under your breath snatching up the kettle to quiet it’s shouting as the two set of red eyes fix on you in the dim light of kitchen. Kiri’s long red hair pulled back into a messy plat, and Baku’s fluffy ash blonde sticking out in all directions except for the right side flatten to the side of his skull

💤💥🪨 “Oí, Chuchu Soul, do you have any idea what time it is?!!” Baku squints tiredly placing a hand on his hip. “That’s actually a good one.” You giggle surprised by his creativity. “I know right?! And they used to call him uncreative.” Kirishima smirks between a yawn. “ Well?” Bakugou’s features don’t change. More likely mad that he’s awake at this ungodly hour than anything else. “Was it another panic attack, Pebble?” Kiri questions walking to rest his hand on your lower back. You don’t acknowledge his soft gesture and busy yourself with pouring the newly hot water into your large mug with it’s awaiting tea bag.

💤💥🪨 “Run that shit back, Eiji?!? When was this?” Bakugou’s foggy apathetic sleepiness raises to concerned confusion . You curse under your breath for the third time tonight. Kiri racks his tired brain for an explanations as he trades tired glances between the temperamental blonde and the vaguely suspicious one blowing at tea. “Pebble you didn’t tell him about Friday Night?” He frowns looking down at you. “...i forgot...” you whisper sipping the overly hot tea and burning your tongue. Hell you wouldn’t have told him either, but he was right beside you when it happened.

💤💥🪨 That Friday night. You couldn’t speak. You stood in a dark room. Small and cramped. No windows. No doors. Just glowing ink on one wall in barely legiable font. Prove It. As soon as you touched the lettering it went blood red and the water began to pool at your feet. You begin to lose your composure trying to find an exit. In seconds the water is at your waist. Then your neck. Then the ceiling. Like that you’re choking and sputtering trying to find. The walls go translucent. Larger than life figures with unmistakable silhouettes and Pro hero customs hold your box in each hand. You bang tight fists to gain their attention. Your blood mixes with the water and you could barely breath. You thrashed across the sheets desperately trying to snatch yourself from your current nightmare. Suddenly Kiri shaking you awake and he’s coaching you into breathing again.

💤💥🪨 The memory of utter helplessness washes over you all over again. You sigh in frustration as tears pool at the corner of your eyes. “Come here, Pebs.”

💤💥🪨 Without another word, Kiri scoops you up bridal style and takes a seat on the couch placing you in his lap. Baku takes the seat next to him gently taking the hot tea from your trembling hands. You hadn’t even realized they were shaking until you touched his steady ones. “Babes, we hafta talk about this. Including Friday, this makes 3 days of shitty sleep. That’s not good or sustainable, Knucklehead.” Bakugou sighs placing the mug on the coffee table before wiping away a tear rolling down your cheek.

💤💥🪨 “It’s not like I don’t wanna do better, Kats. Eiji. I’m just...” you trail off mid explanation. You clasp fingers over your soft lips. Opening twice to speak, but only croaks come out. You try very hard to find a tangible reason for your reluctance to sleep, but there were none. Kiri squeezes your shoulders reassuringly and plants a gentle kiss on the top of your bonnet.

💤💥🪨 “We know you’re trying, love. It’s ok to be scared sometimes. Even the resident hardass, Katsuki still gets nightmares.” Kiri offers doing his best to let you ride these feelings out while comforting you as well. “Yea.”Baku’s grip tightens at the mention of his own nightmares before leaning his head on your legs

💤💥🪨 “I just can’t trust it ok! It’s scary. I’m panicking in sleep now?!! I’m only getting worse and now I crying about. FUCK! I’m just a scared bitchy crybaby who can’t sleep.” You sigh overwhelmed by all the physical closeness and their consistent and unwavering support. You mentally kick yourself for the not realizing sooner that you trusted them enough to hurt like this in front of them. There’s something that unnerves you about that. Tears streaming at full force at this piont

💤💥🪨Kiri holds you firmly to chest tucking your shaking form under his chin. Baku moves to wrap an embrace overlapping Kiri’s arms. “Just let it all out, Babygirl.” He hums leaning his head on your shoulder. Your chest tightens and your fingers curl into angry fists. Suddenly your frighteningly fierce temper rears it’s ugly head.

💤💥🪨 “No no no NO! Stop It! STOP ACTING SO NICE! STOP ACTING LIKE I DESRVE THIS! BE DISAPPOINTED! BE UPSET!! TELL ME TO TRY HARDER! TELL ME TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF MYSELF! TELL ME IT’S EASY! REALLY EASY! BE ANGRY I’M FUCKING IT ALL UP! BLAME ME! I BLAME ME! I blame me... I blame me for not being...better.” You fume trying to push them away. You do your best to squirm out of their gentle comfort and tender embrace your lovers have you wrapped in. Neither one of your boys moves. “No way, Pebs.” Kirishima says resolutely. “Not a fucking chance, Teddy.” Bakugou nods with the same unchanging confidence. The rage in your chest melts as fat tears and roll down your brown cheeks.

💤💥🪨 A heaving and broken sob racks your entire body as you fall apart in their arms. Anger subsides into terrified uncertainty and overwhelming futility settles in its place. Tears and mucus flood down your face and soak Kiri’s t-shirt. Sniffles from above draws you out of the dark thoughts swarming around you. Surely enough tears drip slowly down Kiri’s cheeks. Instinctively you cup his face with trembling hands. “...Sorry.. I’ll be strong...just gimme a sec” he mutters as his broad shoulders slump and he moves to bat away the falling droplets. Bakugou grabs his hand and kisses it while wiping the red head’s face. “Eijirou, you don’t have to. Not right now” You sputter between choppy breaths.

💤💥🪨 His usually unwavering features muddy with insecurity. A fairly uncommon expression for someone so death defyingly optimistic and confident. “But it’s what I’m good at. If I can’t be strong for the people I love most then what good am I?” He retorts apathetically tightening his grip as the tears still trickle. You slink an arm around his hips, and place your face to his chest. “Bullshit. You’re plenty strong enough for us, Eijirou. Stop being so hard headed!” Bakugou raves putting a hand behind his neck and his forehead against his for emphasis before continuing, “You’re allowed to feel more than one thing. You are complex and unique and fearless and fearful all in one. You’re human, Eiji. It’s ok.”

💤💥🪨 “Katsuki, you’re so compassionate and kind.” You hum softly and absentmindedly almost. You don’t know why this observation came but it just feels right. Eiji smiles leaning in the blonde’s embrace. “Honestly Kats, you love remarkably deep and painfully unselfishly. Thank you.” Kiri hums kissing his cheek and you do the same. Hot little tears rest at the corners of his dark red eyes. Most of the public thinks he’s some kind of angry asshole devoid of any softer emotions. Comments on your relationship often criticized Katsuki for snagging partners ‘much nicer than he deserved’. And just like that you are scooting over to make room for Bakugou in Kiri’s lap.

💤💥🪨 “Such a shitty little week.” Baku sighs with misty eyes. There’s a small comfort in the collective collapse washing over the three of you. All of you holding the hurt from the others in hopes it would just fizzle away like a bad dream. It didn’t. You sob, Kiri sniffles, and Baku lets two hot tear slip from his glassy eyes. None of you break contact with each other. Your fingers linked with Kiri and Baku’s in the opposite hand. A head glued affectionately onto the red head’s broad shoulder. After what seems like a lifetime and you can’t cry anymore and feeling a surprising amount of relief sinks onto you, you clear your throat.

💤💥🪨 “Wanna watch How to Train a Dragon?” You rasp with tired and strained vocal chords. “I’ll get the popcorn.” Kiri sighs kissing each of you on the cheek as he ushers you both out of his lap. He sashays into the kitchen to find a bowl and the popcorn. Baku stands handing you your cool tea as he grabs the remote. Flipping decisively through Amazon Prime, he queues up the movie as he settles onto the far side of the couch to lay out fully. You sip contently tucking your knees to your chest so you can press the soles of your feet into his. “That tickles.” Bakugou deadpans wiggling his own toes. Soft giggles flutter out of your chest.

💤💥🪨 Kiri strolls back in the room with two large bowls of popcorn and a blanket on each arm. He bows presenting them to their proper owners. Movie theater butter for Baku and kettle corn for you two to share. You sit your now empty mug on the coffee table as Kiri retakes his original spot and you settle comfortably into his lap cocooning you both in a cozy weighted blanket. Baku draped in a light throw typically the first to complain about being hot. The DreamWorks title sequence floats across the screen, and wave of peacefulness falls over the tired trio. Less then five minutes in, you and Bakugou snore quietly as Kiri’s heavy eyelids fight to watch the next couple scenes

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crushed-like-an-ant · 3 years

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how to calm down an angry billionaire

Step 1. Deflect.

Peter was good at deflection. Always had been. It was a skill he'd picked up after people constantly tried to ask him about his feelings after his parents died, then again when Ben died. Any questions he didn't want to answer quickly turned into an animated conversation about whatever his mind thought of first (there had been that awkward time he'd asked a fellow orphan how their parents were), an apology and fast excuse to get the hell out of there (mostly worked except when he was panicking and the best he could come up with was a cheese making competition, that had caused a lot of questions Peter would rather never deal with again), or just flat out running away (sometimes he ran into poles or walls which was always a bit embarrassing given he was literally Spider-man). Sometimes Peter had to use all three options. So Peter knew when Tony finally decided to have the dreaded conversation about the whole not-my-first-time-holding-up-a-building thing, he would be able to deflect it. Or so he thought. Turns out, Peter had drastically underestimated the sheer stubbornness of Tony Stark.

It was a lab day, around three weeks after the incident where Peter and Tony had been stuck under a building and Peter stupidly let slip that he’d held up a building before. Peter had thought Tony had forgotten about his words. He was comfortable, tentatively confident and optimistic that it wouldn't be brought up again. He had no idea how wrong he was.

"Hey kid?" Tony said, cutting the comfortable silence between them as they worked, tone slightly hesitant. Peter should've picked up on it. He should've realised. But he'd grown complacent. So Peter ignored the dread pooling in his stomach and lifted his head from the mess of wires in front of him to look at Tony.

"Mr Stark?" he replied with a smile that Tony didn't return. Nor did he try to tell Peter to call him Tony. And that was how Peter knew something was wrong. Nerves skittered down his spine, clod fingers of dread snaking around his neck as nervous energy filled him and he began to tap on the desk. Anything to distract himself from the sorrow and worry shining in his mentor's brown eyes.

"Look kid, uh, I," Tony fumbled for words. Shit. This was bad. If Tony Stark was struggling to say something, you knew it was serious. Peter just stared at him in silence,unsure of what to say, anxiety coursing through his veins at the grimace that clouded Tony's features. What could possibly have gotten him into this mood? Had Peter done something wrong? Was he gonna, oh god, was he gonna take the suit? "Pete, I need to know what you meant when we were under the building," Tony finally managed to say, Peter relaxing. Oh. That was all?

"I just meant that I'd lifted a lot of heavy things," Peter half-lied, looking Tony straight in the eyes and lying to his face, mindful to make sure his tells were carefully under control. Training with Daredevil - despite Tony's misgivings about Double D - had been one of the best decisions Peter had ever made. He felt a twinge of guilt as he lied to Tony but it's not like he could tell the truth. And he wasn't really lying. Just withholding the entire truth. He shrugged nonchalantly, "Anyways, you reckon you can help me with this? I'm stuck. My mind kinda decided to go and die on me." Peter chuckled quietly. Tony wasn't laughing.

"I want to believe you, kid," Tony told him, "I really do. But I can't. You had a panic attack under there. What aren't you telling me Peter? Whatever it is, I'm here for you. You can tell me anything. And I don't want to pressure you into telling me anything until you're ready but I-I just-I need to know what happened. I need to know what you meant." Peter's resolve almost broke as Tony's voice broke. No. He couldn't tell Tony. Not only would Tony think he was weak, but Peter knew that Mr Stark would blame himself because he took the suit. Peter couldn't let him do that. Option one had failed him, so it was onto option 2. Make a quick exit without raising any suspicions. Yeah, he didn't think that was gonna work. Worth a shot though.

"Hey, Mr Stark," Peter said after checking his watch and pretending to look shocked at the time, "I'm really sorry but I have to go. I promised Ned we'd work on our Bio project tonight and I'm already seven minutes late." Mr Stark raised an eyebrow and pulled up a picture of Ned on his holiday in California.

"Nice try kid," Tony replied drily. Peter sighed, shoulders slumping. Time for option three then.

"I-I don't really know how to tell you, uh," Peter deliberately stuttered, guilt eating him up inside as he put on an act for Tony. For option three to work, Peter had to catch Tony off guard otherwise he'd react too quickly and lock the tower down. His act work, Tony's features softening and body relaxing.

"It's okay, bambino, take your time." And if that didn't make him feel like a horrible person, nothing would. Peter stood and padded over to some machinery near the exit, pretending to be trying to busy himself as he worked himself up to answering Tony when he was actually getting closer to the door.

"I, uh," Peter stumbled. Tony was now far away enough that Peter could easily run without being grabbed and stopped. The door was right there. Peter took his opportunity. He ran. Out the door, down the hallway, flying to the elevator. Pressing the button frantically, Peter groaned when nothing happened. Great. Tony had stopped the elevators. Sighing, Peter pulled the mask from his pocket and pulled it over his head, sprinting at the window. Peter burst through the window in a shower of glass, activating his web shooters as he fell, quickly shooting a web and catching himself. And he was swinging, swinging, swinging. Allowing himself to smile at his escape, Peter was unprepared when he was grabbed from behind by two cold metal hands. Thanks for nothing spidey sense. Tony flew a sulking Peter back through the broken window and into one of the meeting rooms, setting him down firmly in a seat. Peter crossed his arms, pouting as he pulled off his mask, Tony's Iron Man suit unfolding around him and the man stepping out, an unimpressed look painted across his features.

"You done deflecting yet?" Tony asked, a single eyebrow raised. Damn. Peter wished he could do that. Alas, no amount of practising in front of a mirror had ever given him the talent to lift one eyebrow and not look like a demented monkey. Time for a different strategy. Deflection had failed him. But Peter would not go down easy.

~~~

Step 2. Deny.

The unfortunate thing about this step was that Peter would always over-deny. He would deny everything or nothing. There was no in between. For example, he was once denying eating the last bit of chocolate and ended up accidentally telling May his name wasn't Peter and that he was an alien from outer space with a severe lettuce allergy. Don't ask. Peter really didn't want to relive that trauma. So although Peter always tried his best with denial, it never really worked out in his favour. Honestly, it was through sheer dumb luck that he managed to keep Spider-Man a secret from his friends and family for so long. It was probably some good karma that had been waiting for the perfect moment to help him out. It was a little late but hey, better late than never right?

"No," Peter blurted in a panic. Shock splashed across Tony's face as he folded his arms.

"Kid, you know you can tell me anything, right?" Tony told him gently.

"No," Peter exclaimed again, hurt painting the billionaire's face. "I mean, yes." Shitshitshitshitshit. Peter was an idiot. He had to deny everything - but not everything, Peter, remember the lettuce incident - so Mr Stark wouldn't find out. But Peter had always been shit at denial.

"Look, I know this is probably hard for you to talk about," Tony continued on, oblivious to Peter's internal panic, "but I won't judge you. I love you, bambino. You know that right? And I'll support you no matter what but I can't help you if you don't let me."

"No," Peter said. It was the only word he knew. Any more and he would have another lettuce incident or he'd end up rambling the truth. He couldn't do that. So his current vocabulary was limited to 'no', 'no', 'no' with a side of 'no'. Which wasn't suspicious at all. Totally.

"What the hell, kid?" Tony asked, mostly confused, slight irritation colouring his tone. Peter was hyper-aware of the thundering beat his heart was drumming to, the way Tony's slightly picked up when he said 'no', the sweat covering his body like a second skin. Tony's sigh sounded like a bomb to his sensitive ears, the sharp intake of breath before he spoke like a blaring alarm. "What did you mean when you said it wasn't your first time?"

"I didn't," Peter responded, brain not quite computing, "nothing happened." Tony's gaze narrowed. Shit. Was Tony going to take the suit if he didn't tell him? But Peter just couldn't tell him. He couldn't.

"Fucking hell Peter, just tell me dammit!" Tony exclaimed, running a hand through his messy brown hair in frustration. Peter knew - with the certainty that he knew his own name or the colour of his eyes - that denial had failed him. Time for Peter's next strategy.

~~~

Step 3. Stretch the truth.

When Peter's other strategies failed him, he turned to stretching the truth. It was simple really, just take the truth and dial it down from boiling hot to freezing cold and give it to the person on a silver platter with a charmingly innocent - and only slightly nervous - smile. Half-truths were easy to fool people with. Someone had said that the best lies were the ones based on truth. Peter couldn't remember who exactly had said that. He had never been very good with that sort of stuff, unlike MJ. So although stretching the truth was Peter's third option, he'd always been surprisingly good at it. People seemed to believe he was too innocent to be able to lie. Which was absurd because he'd spent ten years living with his Aunt and her terrible cooking and she still didn't know he hated her walnut date loaf.

"Okay," Peter conceded quietly and the rage slowly left Tony as he deflated like a balloon, looking smaller without all the fury. Peter sat down in front of Tony. "It was back in the fight with The Vulture and he threw a wall at me. I caught it and threw it back at him but he dodged it with his super awesome flying skills." Tony looked him straight in the eyes for a few seconds, Peter holding his gaze before Tony leaned forward.

"Cut the bullshit," Tony whispered, dangerously quiet, tightly compressed anger stemming from worry swimming in his brown eyes. "A wall wouldn't stay together if it was thrown, caught and thrown back. Even then, you wouldn't say it wasn't your first time while holding a building up unless you'd held up a fucking building already. And you wouldn't have a panic attack from holding up a building about something thrown at you. So stop lying to me, Peter Benjamin Parker." Damn. The full name. Peter released a heavy exhale, knowing he was beaten. He had to tell Mr Stark the truth.

"It actually was in the fight with the Vulture," Peter began, "so I wasn't lying about that. And I did have to catch a few walls." Tony raised his eyebrows at Peter's weak attempts at defending himself. "I went to his warehouse and he sent his flying suit at me. It wasn't particularly good at attacking 'cause it hadn't even touched me. I said that and Toomes told me it wasn't trying to." Tony inhaled sharply, clasping his hands together to stop them from shaking, Peter trying not to listen to how Tony's hands still hit each other gently. Enhanced hearing sucked sometimes. "He had directed the suit to take out all the supports in the building." Tony gasped, expression contorted into one of such extreme guilt and sorrow that Peter wanted to shelter Tony from the world for the rest of his days because goddammit he's seen too much and been through enough and couldn't the world just give him a fucking break for once? No one deserved one more than Mr Stark did.

"I took the suit," Tony whispered, voice thick with emotion, "I took the suit. It was your only protection, damn it, and I took the fucking suit!" Tony was yelling now, self-hatred and rage dancing in his wild brown eyes.

"It wasn't your fault, Mr Stark," Peter tried to tell him.

"How?" Tony scoffed, laughing bitterly, "How was this not my fault. I took the suit and you got hurt because of my mistake."

"It's okay, Mr Stark, you didn't know," Peter said.

"But I should've," Tony replied, "I should've known." Peter's features hardened, spine turning to steel. He wouldn't let Mr Stark blame himself for this. The blame was on Toomes and only on Toomes.

"Did you pilot the Vulture suit?" Peter asked firmly.

"What?"

"Did. You. Pilot. The. Vulture. Suit." Peter repeated, staring defiantly at Tony.

"No, of course not," Tony replied, slight confusion clinging to his features.

"And did you cause the building to fall?" he continued.

"No."

"Then it's not your fault," Peter told him simply.

"Kid, I shouldn't have taken the suit," Tony began, dropping his head into his hands. He opened his mouth to continue but Peter cut him off before he could say anything equally self-deprecating.

"Maybe," Peter allowed, "but then I wouldn't found out I was strong enough to get back up again. 'If you're nothing without the suit then you shouldn't have it'. You told me that. I thought the suit made Spider-man and I lost sight of what Spider-man really meant. God, I started out in a fricking onesie. That's what Spider-man represents. Not a hero with a multi-million dollar suit, but someone with nothing but their will to save others. Without you taking the suit, I never would've remembered everything Spider-man stood for.; With great power comes great responsibility. You gave me that tough love moment and I needed it. Now it's my turn to dish out some tough love for you." Peter took a deep breath. "You, Tony Stark, are being a fucking idiot. The blame of what happened in the past lies with Adrian Toomes, and Adrian Toomes alone. So stop this self-deprecating bullshit and use your fucking brain for once in your life. It. Was. Not. Your. Fault." Tony looked up at him, the self-hatred drained from his features, a slight smile adorning his lips which Peter returned.

"You're right, kid," Tony said, "when did you get this wise?"

"I've always been this wise, Mr Stark, I just wanted you to feel better about your lack of common sense," Peter joked, Tony chuckling.

"It wasn't my fault," Tony repeated. Peter tilted his head, confused at the strange undertone in Tony's voice only to see a fire lit in his caramel eyes. "I'm going to kill that son of a bitch."

And it was then that he knew he fucked up.

~~~

Step 4. Try some breathing exercises.

Peter had always been shit at breathing exercise. He just didn't have the patience for them. While he was breathing, someone could be getting raped in an alley, a shop could be getting robbed, or a kid could be getting beat up. So - despite the constant reminders to just try the damn breathing exercises for the love of god - Peter had never done anything of the sort. How could he? With his enhanced senses, it was impossible to relax. Would you be able to sit there and breathe while screams rang in your ears and sobbing pounded in your mind? Naturally, this meant that Peter wasn't the most experienced when it came to said breathing exercises. Maybe he should've practised. Life always had a funny way of throwing Peter in the deep end headfirst and tied to a ten ton weight and expecting him to swim. However, he had once read in a self-help book that breathing exercises were good for calming people down, so he decided to hit fuck it for the sixth time in the last 48 hours and try it out. I mean, it was that or release an angry billionaire in a metal suit decked out with the most advanced weapons in the world (except for maybe what HYDRA had because honestly Peter knew better than to underestimate them and he mildly respected their cockroach-like survival skills) who was hell-bent on revenge and gave zero fucks into the world. The second option was beginning to sound quite tempting, Peter would be honest.

"Mr Stark, you need to calm down," Peter told the man gently, placing a hand on Tony's shoulder. Tony tilted his head up to look at Peter - rage splashed across his face, tension lining his body - before he shrugged off Peter's hand and jerked into a standing position. And the room was suffocating, suffocating, suffocating, because damn had Tony always been that scary. A cloud of darkness surrounded Tony, filling the lab up and winding itself slowly around Peter's neck, stealing the breath from his lungs. Tony stormed through the lab, footsteps like thunder, anger crackling like lightning. Desperately, Peter followed the billionaire. "Mr Stark, Mr Stark, please calm down," Peter pleaded with him.

"No," Tony spoke, voice cold and flat, tone totally devoid of emotion, so totally opposite to the fury painting his entire body like a second skin. "No I will not calm down, Peter. He dropped a fucking building on you. He deserves to die."

"But you don't deserve to live with the guilt of killing him," Peter begged, tugging at Tony's sleeve in a desperate attempt to stop the man from his warpath. Peter knew he could easily overpower Tony. But he was hoping it wouldn't come to that. "Trust me, I know how it feels to want revenge, I really do, but you have to let it go. Please, Mr Stark."

"Dammit Peter, he hurt you!" Tony shouted, whirling around to face Peter, features twisted and manically furious. "He hurt you a-and I wasn't there and you had to deal with being crushed by a fucking building and then you got up and kept fighting because of that sick son of a bitch so I swear to fucking god I will murder him." Tony's eyes held a frenzied wildness in them, chest heaving up and down, Peter could hear his heart racing.

"Mr Stark, try some breathing," Peter said out of desperation, completely and utterly out of ideas. "Just breath. In and out, in and out." Tony's momentary surprise shocked him out of his anger, confusion flickering across his face momentarily before the anger was back, stronger than ever. Tony pivoted on his heel and walked away from Peter, heading towards where he kept his suits and leaving a heavy sense of dread pooling in Peter's stomach and twisting his insides in knots. So breathing hadn't worked. Thanks for nothing self-help books.

~~~

Step 5. Hack the most advanced AI in the world.

When in doubt, do something potentially illegal. A mugger had once told Peter that after Peter caught her trying to rob a young man. That lady had been fucking badass. It was honestly a shame she's gone to prison but a criminal is a criminal. Turns out the lady had been responsible for a string of high-end bank and jewellery robberies. Peter wondered how she was doing. Probably not well, considering how shit the American jail system is. Peter always tried to find alternative ways to stop criminals, only really sending in the pedophiles, rapists, murderers and the more professional robbers. Sometimes people had no choice in the shitty hand life had dealt them and goddamn if Peter didn't get that. People were just pushed and pushed until they were left with nothing but desperation. Maybe if the government or any of the fucking American systems were better or did their jobs properly then people wouldn't have to steal just to keep themselves and their families from starvation. Maybe Toomes wouldn't have started his alien tech business and then none of this would have even happened. Peter wouldn't be in this situation right now. And Peter was now out of options. He had an angry billionaire on his hands and absolutely no idea what to do. So, he took the lady's advice and decided to do something potentially illegal. He hacked the most advance AI in the world. (What, like it's hard?)

"Hey FRI?" Peter called with a wince.

"Yes, Peter," the AI replied.

"I'm really sorry," Peter told her before bringing up FRIDAY's code. (A/N - I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS SO THIS IS GONNA BE SOME VAGUE, QUESTIONABLE AF HACKING) Fingers flying across the keys of the laptop, Peter bit his lip in concentration, brows furrowed. He had to hurry and shut down Mr Stark's suits before he reached them and left to murder Toomes. Adrenaline coursed through his body, brain whirring to life like the computer before him as he deleted lines of code, rewriting and altering the code that created FRIDAY as he tore down the firewalls Mr Stark had built. Peter vaguely registered that this was probably illegal and that Mr Stark would most definitely be mad about this later but he quickly waved the thoughts away. He didn't have time for them, he didn't have time, he didn't have time. Barely registering what he was doing, Peter submerged himself into the world of numbers, immersing himself completely in the ocean of lines of code, fingers instinctively knowing what t do as though he'd been born to hack. Again, probably not a great thing that this was so easy. But computers had always made sense to Peter. After what felt like hours but was really only a few minutes, Peter was into FRIDAY's system. And with a few taps, Peter shut down the suits. Quickly exiting the browser, Peter dropped his head into his hands. He'd done it. With a long exhale, Peter relaxed, leaning back into his chair and running his shaking hands through his hair. An enraged roar broke the peaceful quiet surrounding Peter and he squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe if he ignored it, Mr Stark's anger would go away. He couldn't deal with this shit. Peter was too young to die.

"Peter Benjamin Parker I swear to fucking god-"

"You probably shouldn't fuck god, Mr Stark," Peter couldn't resist remarking with a shit-eating grin. "People might get a bit mad. And who knows, you may even end up pregnant which I can't imagine will be very fun."

"What the fuck?" Tony whispered into the silence that followed Peter's statement. "I don't even want to know what goes on in your brain." Peter hummed in agreement. To be honest, he had no idea what was going on up there half the time. He was just along for the ride. And hey, if it distracted Mr Stark from his anger then it was a win win situation right? (How Peter won in this scenario he didn't know but he didn't question it).

"It's the trauma," Peter replied flippantly, as casual as one would be if they were discussing the weather.

"The-" Tony broke off into angry, confused gibberish that Peter didn't even try to decipher. Crisis averted. Now to deal with the aftermath.

~~~

Step 6. Watch a movie.

Peter Parker wasn't good with emotions. Being a socially awkward sixteen-year-old genius had that effect on a person. Not to mention the fact that he had a crime-fighting, sarcastic alter ego. Yeah, he wasn't great with feelings. Especially not his own. And now he was attempting to help Mr Stark clam down after the whole Toomes-dropping-a-building-on-him-reveal thing. And the only way an emotionally stunted teenage genius superhero knew how to help an emotionally stunted adult genius superhero was something most people would not class as a healthy coping mechanism. Distraction. Preferably with a movie.

"Hey Mr Stark, wanna watch Empire Strikes Back?" Peter asked. Tony fell into a confused silence which Peter took as an agreement. "Yes? Perfect, let's go." Grabbing Tony's arm, Peter tugged him out of the lab and into the elevator, confusion splashed across Tony's features as they entered the movie room. Peter dropped onto the expensive yet incredibly comfortable couch in the centre of the room, pulling Tony down beside him. "Hey FRI? Can you please play The Empire Strikes Back."

"Certainly, Peter," FRIDAY replied, a hint of warmth in her robotic voice. The Star Wars theme filled the room, Peter lips kicking up into a smile at the familiar sound. And as the movie played, Peter reciting every single line with the characters, he felt the rage and tension slowly drain out of his mentor as he relaxed.

"Hey, kid," Tony whispered, interrupting Luke and Darth Vader's showdown. "I sorry for getting angry. I just... I just didn't know what to do. Instead of asking if you were okay I blamed myself and wanted to frigging murder a guy who's already suffering in prison."

"It's okay, Mr Stark," Peter responded with a smile, sincerity gracing his tone. "I get it. After Ben died, I found his murderer. I almost killed the guy," Peter chuckled without humour, Tony watching him with sad eyes, the movie forgotten. "Point is, I know how it feels to want revenge. Don't apologise for being human."

"You really are the best of us all, kid," Tony remarked, a smile adoring his face, features relaxed as he looked at Peter.

"I learned from the best," Peter replied with a shrug.

"Thanks, kid," Tony said, throat tight with emotion.

"I meant May," Peter joked lightly, the heavy emotion clouding the room vanishing as Tony laughed.

"Are you okay, kid?" Tony asked, seriousness settling over them again.

"Honestly?" Peter responded, "no. But that's alright. Because I will be." Peter held Tony's gaze, warmth blossoming in his chest at his mentor's caring eyes, as Darth Vader's voice filled the room.

"No, I am your father," Darth Vader spoke. Peter turned back to the movie, watching as Luke jumped and fell.

"You're gonna be okay, kid," Tony whispered, "we're both gonna be okay."

Because Peter would be okay. So Tony was okay too.

And if Pepper walked in three hours later to find them curled up against each other, fast asleep she never said anything. (She got FRIDAY to take a photo and saved it to Irondad and Spiderson - an unsurprisingly large file. She should probably get Peter to do a DNA test. They did look rather similar)

#fanfic #peter parker #spider-man #iron man #irondad #father-son #pepper potts #unhealed trauma #marvel #the avengers #spider son #bamf peter parker #tired dad Tony #tony stark #aunt may

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aimless-imagines-for-fun · 3 years

Text

Damian Wayne Dating HCs

Pairing :: older/adult!Damian Wayne x fem!Reader

Headcanon :: How Damian gets into and acts in a relationship

Word Count :: 1,676

Warnings :: N/A

A/N :: The image I’m using I created with Artbreeder.

I didn’t call Damian “Robin” and referred to him as a vigilante because Dick stopped being Robin at 25, Jason 22, and Tim 18. The Damian I’m writing is 22. We don’t see much of Older!Damian, and when we do he’s either taken up the mantle of Batman or The Demon’s Head for The League Of Assassins

Getting into a relationship (all of this is in roughly a year) :

Neither you nor Damian know when you started dating, it just sort of happened

He met you at a bookstore you worked at, and you noticed he always came in buying older books about history, warfare, and strategies.

You found the warfare and strategies odd at first but chose not to question it

You asked him out first.

“Why do you always buy these books?” “I like history.” “Oh cool, I do too... Wanna hang out and talk about the First Battle of Tarain?”

You were joking, he said yes to get out of doing a thing with Tim

You each thought it was going to be a small amount of time spent together at some local cafe. You two ended up staying until closing talking about history.

This becomes a bi-weekly thing, you meet up at the cafe, talk until it closes, or go out and talk in a nearby park until sunset.

Damian’s family notices, but choose not to question what he’s doing because it’s seemingly making him less annoyed with people

Dick starts getting curious when he sees Damian smile just a tad bit looking at a text from you

You text him random facts all the time, but they’re weird. “Did you know squirrels are behind most power outages in the US?”

Eventually, you two stop talking about just history and start talking about other things that interest each of you and your personal lives.

You open up more than Damian

Damian pays close attention when he notices you’re talking about something you’re genuinely passionate about He pays attention to detail in general.

For your birthday he got you a leather swiss army medic bag from WWII. You cried tears of joy and jumped onto him for a big long hug.

That was the first time Damian’s heart skipped a beat. After seeing you overjoyed, he realized he likes seeing you happy. It gave him a warm feeling, but he doesn’t know yet he has feelings for you.

Yours and Damian’s first “official date” was to a fancy Wayne Ent. event. This time Damian asked you. He’s super stiff.

“Would you like to accompany me to the upcoming-” “Are you asking me out on a date??” “No, I’m asking you to accompany me-” “I’ll go.”

No one in his family knows your coming, except for Alfred because he was asked to pick you up and bring you to the manor the day of. Alfred is confused the entire car ride because you act super chill

When you show up, the other boys surround you. Dick realizes who you are instantly, Jason thinks you’re not human, Tim is afraid you’re like Damian.

Bruce is silent, and a bit thankful his son found a normal human

Damian picked out your outfit: A fancy dark Sacramento green dress with black heels, a pearl necklace, and pearl bracelets to match.

You panicked when you saw the jewelry and Damian instantly goes into “comfort mode” to reassure you it’s fine. The family is shook.

At the actual event, you feel SUPER AWKWARD. Your family had enough to get by in life, so you feel very out of place around all the rich people

Damian can tell you’re uncomfortable and so he tries to hold onto you at all times to help you feel comfortable

Ex: He holds your hand, puts a hand on your shoulder, stands directly next to you so your arms are touching.

You eventually feel comfortable, but, you’re both bored there, so you suggest hiding in the outside garden

Finally alone, you two start talking about the other batboys

“Does Dick always try to show off odd party tricks?” “Only when he sees a pretty lady.”

“Why was Jason just standing in the corner looking at everyone?” “He doesn’t like dressing up.”

“Come on, there’s no way Tim’s actually happy here.” “Did you see him on the dance floor?” He has awesome dance moves, he’s just very energetic.

You eventually start talking about something else.

You can hear the music from inside, so you two start slow dancing together.

He’s holding one of your hands and has a hand placed on the small of your back. You rest your head on his shoulder and have your free hand flat on his chest.

It’s in this instant you each realize you have feelings for one another.

You two swayed around slowly until the song eventually ended.

When you two pull away, you stare into his green eyes briefly before you place a hand on his cheek and pull him down for a kiss.

Once In A Relationship :

You and Damian are a good pair because he’s serious and you’re go-with-the-flow. If he starts over-analyzing something, you start relaxing him.

You two spend at least one day a week together, and you constantly text each other basic messages like “How was your day?”, “Are you okay?”, “Good morning/night”, “Have a nice day”

If you take over an hour to reply to Damian he gets anxious something bad happened to you.

He legitimately gets ready to start searching EVERY PART of Gotham until he gets a text “Sorry, I was taking a nap. Long day at work.”

When you two are together, you’re usually out or at your apartment. He only takes you to the manor if none of the other guys are there.

He took you once with everyone there. Never again.

Dick: “Oh my god! Look! He has a little girlfriend! How cute, Damian’s growing up.” “I’m 22.”

Tim: “You… You look so nice. Why? How is she so nice and you’re so… you.” “I’ll murder you and make it look like an accident.”

Jason: “How? Did you threaten her? Is he threatening you?” “Dames is super sweet.”

When you call Damian “Dames”, your nickname for him, they all lose their shit.

“DAMES?” “YOU HAVE A NICKNAME FOR HIM?” “DA-ME-SSS?” “DO YOU HAVE MORE?” “D-A-M-E-S?”

Your nicknames for Damian: Dame, Love, and Mr. Serious

Damian’s nicknames for you: Beloved, Love, and Sunflower

He briskly drags you away before you can say anything else, and you just go with it.

“??I thought we were going to talk more to your brothers??” “They’re not my brothers.” “Okay. I appreciate you.” “.....I appreciate you too.”

You two don’t say “I love you” very often. Instead, you say “I appreciate you”. You do say “I love you” in private/intimate moments, but in public/at random you say “I appreciate you”

Damian isn’t possessive, just protective. There’s a difference.

He’s never been in a serious relationship before and he’s never loved someone romantically like with you before, so he wants to make sure you’re safe and comfortable 24/7

The first time a random guy catcalled you while you were with Damian, he instantly defended your honor.

“What did you say?” He grabs the guy and easily raises him a foot off the ground. He forces the guy to apologize and lets him fall on the ground after.

Quickly, you reassured Damian he doesn’t need to go to such lengths to “defend your honor”. You tell him to ignore people like that guy because they’re nobodies.

After a few months, you start to pick up on the fact you two rarely spend time together after sunset.

You questioned him once about it and he quickly told you it’s because he helps his father with Wayne Ent. You never questioned him again.

You didn’t 100% believe his answer, but trust he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you

One time you called him crying at night. He was about to go on patrol, then dropped everything to go to your apartment and make sure you were okay.

Damian got a key to your apart about a year into the relationship.

There are times you go to sleep alone and wake up with him asleep, arms wrapped around you. He doesn’t do this often, only after a rough night on a patrol or a particularly dark mission.

Damian’s usually a realist, but when he sees you smile and laugh, he becomes an optimist for a split second

He isn’t big on PDA, so depending on his mood sometimes you hold hands when walking, other times you just lock your pinkies together.

When one of you notices the other is upset though, then you get touchy to calm the other down

Sometimes, when you two are alone at your apartment or the mansion, you don’t speak. You just rest and enjoy the silence while laying on top of one another.

If you lay on Damian, you’re literally on top of him snuggling into his chest. He holds one of your hands and rubs your back.

If Damian lays on you, you’re usually sitting and he places his head on your lap. You love playing and messing around with his hair.

When you found out Damian’s a vigilante, it was a massive accident

You called him while he was on patrol, whispering in a shaking voice that two men had broken into your apartment.

He booked it to your apartment and busted through the window, in costume.

After taking care of the guys and handing them over to the authority, he starts questioning you to make sure you’re okay. When you don’t answer he realizes he’s still in costume talking to you now.

You’re in shock because now a lot of things make sense.

You’re upset for about an hour(because Damian knows how to make you happy when you’re angry) and then you’re utterly fascinated by Damian’s other life

Damian tells you he doesn’t want you to know a lot because it could put you in danger and you’re the one part of his life that’s normal

You accept his wishes and continue with your relationship as normal.

There are only two things that changed:

One: Damian moves you to a more secure apartment and makes sure you have plenty of bats or batons you could use to protect yourself “just in case”

Two: Damian spends almost every night at your apartment after patrol now

#damian wayne #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne headcanon #damian wayne fanfic #damian wayne fluff #damian wayne fanfiction #damian al ghul #older!damian wayne #adult!damian wayne

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slasherhaven · 4 years

Note

How would Bo, Thomas, Michael, and Brahms react to seeing their fem s/o getting kissed and hit on by a male friend? Luv u and ur writing btw 🧡💛🤍

Thank you so much! ❤ They’re kinda long so I put them under the cut. Enjoy!

Thomas Hewitt:

You were a member of the Hewitt family not a captive so you were allowed to keep in touch with old friends, as long as they knew you were loyal to them. And you were.

But when your friend since childhood said that he wanted to visit, you were sure the family wouldn’t allow it. You brought it up away.

Hoyt had been dead against it but Luda May said she would consider it. She and Tommy didn’t want you to feel trapped in the house, like you couldn’t have a life at all, but they knew the risk.

Finally Luda May said your friend could visit but laid out some ground rules. He could stay for few days maximum and you had to make sure he didn’t see anything suspicious. During that time, the family would be on their best behaviour. You appreciated her for that.

And so your friend came to visit, greeting you with a hug and telling you how he missed you since you moved away.

You introduced him to the family. Warning him that Hoyt and Monty could be a little difficult but to just ignore them. Luda May was welcoming enough but you knew that she would be watching him like a hawk, she had to watch out for her family after all.

Then you introduced him to Thomas, the man you had been telling him about for so long. You had forewarned him about the mask, just telling him not to comment on it, and he politely shook his hand.

It all seemed to be going well.

The few days went by quickly, catching up with your old friend.

But the other members of the family weren’t so optimistic about the whole thing.

Thomas had noticed it almost instantly, the touches and smiles that your ‘friend’ gave you. But he tried to shake it off. He trusted you and loved you, he just wasn’t sure about this man. But then he convinced himself that it was his own insecurities messing with his mind.

But...other’s had noticed it as well.

Luda May noticed it instantly, she could be observant like that. Your friend seemed to be straight up flirting with you, even in front of the other family members (including Tommy). The looks your friend would give you and Tommy when you showed any sign of affection towards him.

She also noticed that you seemed completely oblivious to it.

The whole thing definitely bothers Thomas. He already thinks that you deserve better than him and what if your friend was that better thing? And what if you realised it?

He’s likely to become more distant towards you during those few days. Though he will be glaring at your friend whenever they’re in the same room.

He’s more likely to grow distant when Hoyt teases him about it, saying that you were going to run away with your friend. He didn’t want to believe it but if he was right?

It all comes to a climax on the day your friend is supposed to be leaving. You walk him to his car, giving him a hug goodbye and telling him to let you know he got home safe. The family watching from the house.

But before you can pull away, your friend holds you in place.

Before you can question him, he starts talking, asking you to go back with him. He tells you how he missed you and how you belong back ‘home’.

Of course you’re protesting, telling him that you’re staying here with the people you call family.

Speaking of the family, they’re all ready to act. Luda May ready to send Thomas out there. Even Hoyt is getting a little protective, you are family now after all.

And then, in a last attempt to convince you, your friend kisses you.

The front door is already opening and the family is coming out.

The whole thing saddens Thomas. All the flirting had been hard to watch but you never responded to it. Now, seeing another man kiss you, it was just breaking his heart. For a moment, he really thought that you might just leave him.

Yet he also found his fists clenching protectively, knowing that you hadn’t welcomed the kiss. If somebody made you comfortable, he’d kill them. Or at least he’d want too.

Luda May can’t help but smile when you push your friend away, chastising him for kissing you like that.

But you were still kind. Telling him that you didn’t have those feelings for him, that you were happy here, that you loved Thomas, and telling him that he should just leave.

Your friend went to argue with you but you insisted that it would be better if he just left.

Once your friend’s car disappeared out of sight, you headed back up to the house, where the family was waiting for you.

Luda May ushered the others away, letting you and Thomas talk alone.

Thomas has seen and heard everything. You saying that you were happy here and in love with him, unashamed of him and even proud of him, would warm his heart.

The sight of that man kissing you still hurt him. If you hadn’t pushed him away, Thomas might have just killed him for touching you against your will like that.

Thomas is going to need some love and affection, just some reassurance that you meant what you said. You are so happy and so in love with him. Just give him some hugs and kisses, making sure to remind him that you’re here with him because you want to be.

In away the whole thing was a little reaffirming to him. That you had been given a way out, another (and in his eyes, better) option, but you so quickly and confidently chose him.

God, he loved you and was so glad that you loved him too.

He’ll wrap his arms around you, holding you to his chest.

Your friend had told you that you should go home with him but you and Tommy both knew that this was your real home, the Hewitts’ were your family.

Just make sure to show him lots of affection, holding his hand, lots of hugs and kisses. Compliment him, make sure you tell him how much you love him. He’ll be feeling much better real soon.

Michael Myers:

Michael was bored and you weren’t home. You had gone out to meet a friend and he didn’t know when you would be back.

So what was he to do? It didn’t take him long to come to the rational conclusion that was to find you and follow you around time. It’s just something that he does when he’s bored, since he couldn’t just walk through town like a normal person. You knew about this hobby of his and didn’t mind so much.

It didn’t take much searching before he found you, walking beside your friend you had mentioned but name that Michael had forgotten.

The two of you are talking and laughing like friends do but Michael can’t really make out the conversation from how far away he is.

Then you seem to check the time and come to a stop, turning to tell your friend that you should be heading home.

Now your friend seems nervous, rubbing the back of his neck and shifting his feet. Michael isn’t interested in him but is curious as to what he seems to want to tell you.

Then the man says something that makes you frown, your face softening sympathetically. You apologise and shake your head.

Then, in a fast but gentle gesture, this friend of yours is kissing you.

Michael has never felt this feeling before. He’s furious, his possessiveness skyrocketing...or is that jealousy? No, it can’t be.

Either way, his fists are clenching and he’s moving towards the two of you. He is going to kill a man right in the middle of the street, he knows he is and he isn’t even going to try to stop himself.

But then you push the man away, looking more annoyed than sympathetic now.

And Michael comes to a stop, a little...curious?

You chastise the man and now Michael is close enough to hear some of what you are saying.

You reiterate that you aren’t interested and that you are already with somebody.

Your friend apologises but you tell him to just go home.

As you turn to head home, you spot Michael’s looming figure hiding among the shadows. You had become extremely good and seeing him where others wouldn’t even notice him.

As usual, you can’t tell what he is thinking or what he is going to do.

You slowly start making your way home, checking over your shoulder to make sure that he is following you and not your friend.

You knew that he had seen everything and you worried that you would kill the poor man. You might be angry with him but that didn’t mean you wanted him dead.

Luckily, Michael follows you all the way home.

What really angers him is when you plead for him to spare your friends life.

Why? Why should he spare him when he would put you in that position even then you told him that you weren’t interested? He deserves what he gets, Y/n.

But you explain that it would complicate things, draw too much attention to you both. It’s not worth it. He won’t be a problem anymore, you promise.

Reluctantly Michael agrees. But if your friend pulls another stunt like that, he will kill him.

Affection and discussing feelings can be very difficult with Michael. But you’ll remind him that you’re only interested in him anyway, that you love him.

He’ll accept the affection you give him but he’s processing a lot of complicated emotions right now.

It may turn into possessiveness so what I’m trying to say is that you’re in for one hell of a night. A lot of gruff “mine”s coming from him. He’s got to prove a point, you know?

Brahms Heelshire:

Most of your socialisation outside of the manor was done on the phone with old friends.

One of your friends finally decided that he wanted to visit you, joking that you must be going crazy all alone in that huge house. Of course, you had told your friends about the job that brought you to the house. They just thought you were caring for the house while the owners were gone.

You had actually discouraged your friend from visiting but he insisted, pretty much leaving you with no choice.

So then you had to tell Brahms and he wasn’t impressed. One of the rules was ‘no guests’ so of course he wasn’t happy about it.

You had told him that it would be a week at most and that you could introduce him as your boyfriend.

With enough convincing, Brahms finally gave in but he wouldn’t really want to meet your friend. He doesn’t want anyone other than you knowing about him so he decides to head back into the walls for the week.

And he is watching everything.

As soon as your friend arrives and greets you with a hug, Brahms is already fuming. He’s selfish and wants you all to himself, even he knows that, but you’ve been making progress on these issues of his so he isn’t quite as impulsive. He will wait and see what happens...

Everything bothers him.

Your friend is really...friendly. Too friendly by Brahms’ standards. Why does he always have to be touching you.

Still, Brahms can’t help but smile when you tell your friend about your new boyfriend. He knows you can’t give him too much information but Brahms is glad that you’re talking about him.

But that doesn’t seem to be deterring your friend...

Still, every night, Brahms will join you in your bedroom, getting your full attention then.

He expresses that he doesn’t like your friend but that doesn’t surprise you at all. You promise him that he has nothing to worry about and that he’ll be gone before he knows it.

Then your friend started talking about how you should quit the job and move back home, that you were missed and you belonged back home.

Brahms was furious but relaxed a little when you protested. Saying that this was your home now, that you had a relationship here and were happy here.

And, as if in an attempt to convince you of his argument, your friend kissed you.

Brahms burned with anger. If you didn’t act quick enough, Brahms would have done something. And he probably would have hurt your friend for two reason.

One being: this man just came into his house and is trying to take you away.

The other being: you didn’t want him to kiss you and how dare he do something that you didn’t want? How dare he lay a finger on you?

Luckily, for your friend, you pushed him away and put some distance between you both.

You knew that Brahms must have seen that and that your friend was now in danger, so you told him to pack his bags and leave.

Of course your friend tried to argue and explain himself but you knew that you didn’t have the time for that.

You had to get him out of the house before Brahms did something.

Brahms watched even closer than usual, making sure that the man left without a fight.

You showed your friend to the front door, telling him that you just aren’t interested in him and that it was wrong of him to do that when you had already told him you were in a relationship.

You closed the front door and locked it, just in case he tried to come back and explain himself again.

When you turned back to begin your search for Brahms, you almost collided with his chest. He was already there, staring down at you silently.

The first thing you thought to do was tell him not to worry and to just let your friend go, he wouldn’t be bothering either of you anymore.

You promise him that you aren’t interested in your friend at all, that you’re still here with him because you really do love him.

Brahms is definitely mad at your friend but he’s also in need of some major love and attention. It had been almost a week of sharing your attention and then...that happened.

He’ll wrap his arms around you and you instantly return his embrace, letting him bury his masked face in the crook of your neck. For a moment there, he thought he was going to loose you.

But this doesn’t last long. He is still a cheeky little shit and will find an excuse to make reparations in the bedroom.

Either claiming that he has to show you why you chose him or, if he’s feeling more bratty, that you have to show him just how much you love him.

In the end, Brahms is going to sulk about it for a while but also feels smug about you choosing him so quickly.

If your friend shows up again, it’s going to be difficult to convince Brahms to spare his life for a second time.

Bo Sinclair:

You lived in Ambrose with the three brothers and you were happy there but you still kept in touch with people from your old life.

Then your childhood best friend said that he wanted to visit.

You knew that Bo would be against it, just because of protecting the town and his family. He couldn’t risk an outsider coming in like that.

But you finally managed to convince him. He told you that he was your responsibility, you had to make sure that he didn’t see anything suspicious. If new people showed up, a new bunch of victims, you had to get your friend out of town so they could work. But most importantly, if your friend did find out their secret, you had to be prepared for how the brothers would have to handle it.

So, your friend came to stay with you for a few days.

Your friend greeted you with a hug, saying it was good to see you.

You introduced him to Bo and he was polite. Bo knew how to put on that charming and polite persona.

Your friend never meets Vincent, he stays away from you all. He might meet Lester once or twice if he drops by for something. But mostly, it is just the three of you.

Bo knows when somebody is flirting and he can see it in your friend straight away. He knows that your friend has come here with the intention to convince you that he would be the better option for you.

And he just can’t let that fly.

When you’re talking to your friend, Bo will come up to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into him. Telling you that he’s going down to the garage and he’ll be back soon, giving you a kiss that is a little less than decent before pulling away and heading out.

It’s like Bo knows when your friend is about to walk into the room, and he always makes sure that when they step into the room, he has you in his arms or in a slightly compromising position. Just to drive the message home. You’re taken.

Bo really does like rubbing your relationship in your friend’s face when he realises that he has feelings for you.

He can deal with it when it’s just little things, just a bit of flirting that you don’t reciprocate. Bo can handle that and even play with it, like he is doing.

But if your friend gets a little too close, he doesn’t like that at all.

If your friend is handsy, there will be threats made when you aren’t in the room.

But all in all, the visit goes well.

That is, until your friend crosses the line way too much.

He thought Bo would be down at the garage, that the two of you would be alone for a while.

That’s when he started talking about how you shouldn’t be spending your life in such a little town in the middle of nowhere. You should go home with him, back to where you grew up. He’d start talking a little bad about Bo, and now you’re questioning his intentions of coming here.

You tell him that he’s wrong, that you’re happy here but appreciate his concern.

But he is persistent. So, he cups your face in his hands and kisses you, just as Bo walks into the room.

You push your friend away, too shocked to formulate a sentence or a question.

Bo saw what happened and he can see that you hadn’t expected the kiss. He’s seeing red but even he can see that you aren’t to blame here.

It doesn’t matter how long your friend had been planning on staying, it’s time for him to leave.

Bo orders him to get his things and leave, though he probably adds a threat to that.

You know that it’s for the best. If your friend doesn’t leave, he just might get himself killed.

Just before your friend leaves, you make sure to tell him that he had no right to act the way he did. You’re happy in Ambrose and you’re in love with Bo, he isn’t going to change that.

Bo is giving him a smug ass look from behind you.

You and Bo watch him leave the town, knowing that Lester will make sure he actually leaves and doesn’t end up stumbling upon anything that would put him in danger.

Once the car is out of sight, you and Bo head back into the house. Where Bo lets out the tension he was holding on to.

All he wanted to do when he saw that man kissing you was kill him but he held himself back to not upset you, even if he didn’t deserve it.

But now he’s ranting about the audacity of that man. How dare he think he can come into his home and try to steal you away from him? He’s lucky that he didn’t kill him.

Best thing to do is just grab him but the collar and pull him down into a passionate kiss. Reminding him that you were here with him, that you chose him, that you want him.

That pretty much does it. But he will pick you up, wrapping your legs around his waist, before carrying you back to the bedroom. Reminding you who your man is.

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gossip-girl-of-middleearth · 3 years

Text

The Wrong Kind of Stardust (Legolas x Reader)

Synopsis: After taking Legolas, your partner, to visit your “Stardust” addict brother, things get a little chaotic.

A/N: I’ve been thinking about Legolas a lot lately, and one thought that’s recently crossed my mind is “what if Legolas got high on crack?” and my brain ran with the rest. Sometimes you just gotta write about an elf on cocaine.

Warnings: drug abuse, addiction, peer pressure, mentions of sex, a very crazy and over-the-top elf high on Stardust.

Dismounting your respective horses, both you and Legolas dropped to the pine needles below. You had finally arrived at your brother’s secluded cottage in the forest, away from the hustle and bustle of the cities.

“I can’t believe he actually managed to afford a place to live,” you scoffed, thinking of your brother.

He had suffered many years with addiction to “Stardust”—a white powder when once inhaled, made your body react faster and more impulsively than usual.

“Try to be optimistic,” Legolas soothed. He wrapped one arm around your shoulder and kissed your head. “Keep in mind how much you want your older brother at our wedding, and that’ll put things into perspective.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, supposing he was right. “This wouldn’t be the first time Franny lied about ‘being better’, though.”

“No,” Legolas agreed, walking you both forward towards the cottage, arm around your back. “But this is the first time he’s said so upon us getting married in a month.”

The grin he gave you was one brimming in lovesickness, as he studied your eyes.

You arched a brow up at him over his words, knowing exactly how elvish marriages were undertaken, and how you technically already were husband and wife.

Catching your expression, he cleared his throat sheepishly, and responded with, “Well…married formally, at least.”

You rolled your eyes away from him, but couldn’t fight the smile on your face. However, it soon ran away, as you both arrived at the closed front door.

You inhaled tightly, and spoke aloud. “Here we are, I suppose.”

Hearing the premature disappointment in your voice, Legolas looked down his side at you. Grabbing hold of both of your hands, he gazed into your eyes and reassured you.

“Hey,” he lulled, earning your full attention. “It’s all going to be fine, all right? You needn’t worry about your family embarrassing you in front of me, like you mentioned on the road. We’ve talked about this whole ‘prince and commoner’ thing at length. I wouldn’t have…married you if I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.”

Your heart melted and your knees turned to mush, as you smiled up at him—bursting with love.

He returned the look and brought one hand up to cup your cheek. Running a thumb along your cheekbone, he began tilting your head upwards.

Still feeling your stomach flutter after all these years, you eyed him in excitement, before steadily closing your lids.

Right before his lips could brush against yours, however, the door to your brother’s cottage slammed opened.

Jolting away from one another, you both looked at Francis in shock. He looked every bit like you, but taller.

A broad grin was on Francis’ face, as he eyed his sister up.

“Y/n!�� he exclaimed, rushing forwards to tackle you into a hug. “I’m so glad you made it! Oh! I haven’t seen you in years! And to think that you’re now getting married! Speaking of which—”

He pulled back from squeezing you blue, to size up Legolas instead. He strutted forwards with a low, manly laugh, and gripped a suddenly rigid and wide-eyed Legolas tight on the shoulders.

“My future brother-in-law!” he exclaimed, quickly pulling the protesting elf into a bear hug. “An elf, AND a prince! I can’t believe how well my sister scored!”

Laughing nervously, Legolas awkwardly wrapped his arms around Francis, patting him on the back. The only person he’d ever truly been skin-to-skin intimate with was you. Everyone else got a closed fist to the chest, or a shoulder clasp.

“It’s wonderful to finally meet you, Francis,” Legolas said, politely.

“Francis?” he exclaimed, pulling back and holding Legolas straight by the shoulders. “Who are you, my mother? Don’t be so formal, your highness! You can just call me ‘Franny’, like Y/n here does!”

He turned to you with a broad grin, and you returned it, though, in a lipped manner. Legolas offered a tight and confused grin back, unsure at the best of times on how to interact with humans. Francis was certainly the most bizarre one he’d met yet.

He almost regretted encouraging you to visit him, but the thought of your nearing wedding day ahead drove him forward, as well as one simple, repetitive thought.

Do it for Y/n.

“Well, don’t be strangers now!” Francis pressed on, ushering you both inside. “Can I get you anything to drink? Water? Tea? Moonshine?”

“Tea is fine, Franny,” you said in an almost scolding tone, knowing he shouldn’t drink at all.

As you stepped inside of the home, you inspected every nook and cranny with your eyes—expecting bags of Stardust to be lying around.

However, to your surprise, there were none.

“Tea coming right up!” Franny declared, whisking away to the kitchen. “Please! Make yourselves at home down at the table!”

Legolas thanked him with a smile, and sat you down in a gentlemanly manner, before taking his seat next to you.

Looking around the room, and pleasantly surprised with your brother, you voiced so aloud.

“Wow, Franny, this place actually looks amazing! I’m quite proud of you—it seems as though you’ve really cleaned up your act this time, as opposed to the last occasion.”

“I’m completely clean, sister!” his voice came from the kitchen. You could also hear the whistling of a kettle and the rattling of drawers.

You smiled up at Legolas with excitement in your eyes, as you truly believed your brother. He returned your smile, and offered a brighter one as you spoke.

“I think he’s really done it…should we invite him now?”

“Absolutely,” he encouraged. “Do you want to go get the invitation out of the saddle-bags?”

Nodding resolutely, you stood to your feet. You placed a peck against his lips, before leaving out the door again.

“Make friends with him,” you said, before leaving with a happy skip in your step.

He waved you goodbye, before Francis’ voice caught his attention.

“Y/n! Hey, do you think—oh, where’d she go?”

Legolas looked over his shoulder to find Francis’ head sticking out of the entranceway into the kitchen, as he looked left and right for his sister.

“She’s just stepped outside for a moment,” Legolas answered, politely.

“Oh, thank fuck,” Francis dropped his act, and his expression.

The change in demeanour chased the smile away from Legolas’ face, as he parted his lips in shock up at the man.

“I beg your pardon?” Legolas asked, already on the “what did you just say about my wife?” boat.

“She can be a real nagger sometimes,” Francis explained. He dropped to his knees and pulled a wooden plank out from the floorboards. Underneath, a brown bag of white powder lay.

He fetched it quickly, and came to sit on the couch next to Legolas, but a few feet away. Francis then began pouring a handful out, where he next went onto inhaling some.

“What are you doing?!” Legolas nearly squealed, jumping to his feet, as if a snake was just placed next to him.

“Elevating myself. What’s it look like, elf?” Francis sassed, quirking a brow up at Legolas.

“Are you insane?” the angry side of Legolas emerged. “Y/n just left to retrieve your wedding invitation, and you’re betraying her trust?”

“Relax, would you?” Francis complained, inhaling more of the dust from his hand. “What she doesn’t know won’t kill her.”

“Uh, I’m standing right here,” Legolas pointed out, gesturing to his body.

Looking his brother-in-law up and down, Francis replied, using a very monotonous voice. “Uh, yeah, I can see that. You’re a real stud of a stallion, so what?”

“No, that’s not what I—” Legolas went to defend himself. However, he bit his tongue and pressed both hands together in a praying motion. He brought said hands up to his face, and rested his forehead against them.

Closing his eyes, Legolas took a deep breath of his own.

“Wow, you look really stressed there, my friend,” Franny pointed out, holding the bag up next. “Would you like to try some?”

Jolted back into his senses, Legolas gaped down at the man for a minute in shock, before anger gave way again. “NO, FRANCIS! I WOULD NOT LIKE SOME OF YOUR DRUGS! Y/n will be devastated when she finds out you’re using again! And I encouraged her to give you another chance—I see why she was so against it now.”

The frown and glare of Legolas only deepened, as Franny rose to his feet, squaring up with the slightly taller elf.

“Hey, pal, you have no idea what I’m all about,” he growled, nodding his head in gesture of the elf. “And besides, who are you to judge? You’ve never even tried Stardust before!”

“Oh,” Legolas scoffed, rolling his eyes, “excuse me for having never done drugs before, what a horribly ignorant elf I am.”

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it,” Francis urged, holding up a handful to Legolas’ nose. “C’mon, just a little sniff! You’ll feel a lot calmer soon, I promise!”

“No!” Legolas rejected, swatting his hands. “Get that stuff away from me, Francis!”

“C’mon!” Francis drew out, trying to put it underneath Legolas’ dodging nose. “Just a little bit of Stardust won’t hurt you!”

“No, but it’ll hurt Y/n!” he protested, trying to move away from the adamant man.

“Just a little!” he urged again, chasing Legolas, as the elf was backed into a corner.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“NO!”

“YES!”

“I SAID NO!”

“Okay, you know what?” Francis rolled his eyes, now fully having the elf cornered. “Here!”

With one big puff of air, the entire handful of Stardust blew into Legolas’ face, entering his system almost immediately.

Legolas rapidly blinked his eyes open and shut, as he tried to get rid of the dust. The white powder danced between the man and elf in an equal amount, getting both high very quickly.

As the dust fluttered down to the floor, looking as though a bag of flour had just exploded, Legolas stared at his brother-in-law in shock.

“You…” he attempted to say, before he felt the pumping of his heart increase.

“Oh, yes, my friend,” Francis grinned, nodding his head. “You’re in for a good time…”

Outside, you had finally found the wedding invitation in your saddle-bag, now heading back on over towards the cottage.

You barely had time to announce your presence again, for the first thing you saw upon re-entering was your brother and husband kneeled on the floor, speaking fast and brooming up…flour?

“I feel like everything’s gonna work out, you know? Because I’m like clockwork!” your brother said, all in one go, to Legolas, as they quickly broomed everything up. “Look how fast I’m cleaning this mess up! Clockwork! I’m moving super-fast! Look at me go!”

Legolas nodded vehemently, and raised one finger to speak over the top of your brother, as they both continued vigorously cleaning the floor.

“Y-You know what’s funny? Can I speak? You know what’s funny?” he began, quick as a whip. “I feel like I should be panicking right now, and I am a little bit, but in a very, very good way—like a good kind of panic, because I feel like I want to die right now, but I also feel very, very good—”

“Hey!” you called, staring at them in confusion. “What on earth are you guys doing?”

“Y/n!” Legolas gasped, shooting to his feet.

Jumping over the couch in a way that made your eyes go wide, Legolas was instantly stood before you.

“I feel amazing!” he revealed, grabbing a chunk of blonde hair either side of his head, and pulling outwards. “LOOK HOW LONG MY HAIR IS! It’s growing out of my head right now—can you believe that? Isn’t that sort of disgusting? Ew, I’ve just made myself feel uncomfortable in my own body—”

Legolas gasped brightly, and met your eyes again. This was where you saw how dilated they were.

“CAN I BORROW YOUR BODY INSTEAD?” he asked, suddenly grabbing your waist. “THAT’S A BRILLIANT IDEA! And I know how to go inside, too, so it’ll all feel much better soon—”

“Are you high on…Stardust?!” you exclaimed, removing his hands from your waist.

Legolas blinked down at you rapidly for a few seconds, before slowly answering.

“No…?”

“I can’t believe it,” you seethed. Pushing past Legolas, you glared down at your laughing brother. “You’re absolutely deplorable, Francis! Don’t even THINK about showing up to the wedding!”

You tore up his invitation, and threw it down onto the ground below. You next began shoving a reluctant Legolas out of the house.

Fortunately, once he felt the pine needles on his feet (he was barefoot, for some reason), he gasped loudly and took off running.

“LOOK HOW GREEN IT IS!” he exclaimed. “HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW GREEN IT IS? THE COLOURS ARE BURSTING RIGHT NOW ALL AROUND ME. I feel as though it’s sort of designed in my honour, you know? As in, nature really understands—SQUIRREL—what my name means.”

You rubbed your temples with a grinding of your teeth, as you watched your husband sprint off to climb a tree, where he beckoned you to join.

Growling, you spoke lowly under your breath.

“This is going to be a long ride home…”

Hearing a strangled yelp, you noticed that Legolas had already fallen out of the tree. You sighed, and began walking over—already knowing your words to be true.

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angelicmichael · 3 years

Text

renegade

Andy Dolan x reader

Summary: After another night where Hedwig abandons Andy; reader is left with no other choice but to try and help console him the best she can.

Words: 3.6k+

Warnings: vague mentions of drugs and being intoxicated, some jealous! reader, lotsss of angst, brief fluff, mainly hurt/comfort fic tbh hehe, major Hedwig slander oops, maybe a bit of unhealthy relationships (??), slowburn, some conflict/arguing

A\N: hey y’all, hope u enjoy this hehe. I was mostly going for a angst and fluff vibe when I wrote this but it just turned into hurt/comfort so.. hopefully it’s still enjoyable !! :) this takes place sometime in episode three probably lol. ALSO fic is named after the song Taylor swift has recently been featured in 👉🏻👈🏻

The town, Eden; regardless of its beauty was a force to be reckoned with.

Being practically forced to live in a town that was so.. particular was never something you envisioned for your future in the past, but now you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else; even given the choice.

After all how could you exactly complain?

If you were to ask any person- (or any sane person that didn’t know of Eden that well) they would say that living here would sound like complete fucking heaven. A small coastal town, a tight knit community that was overly abundant with beautiful people and drugs seemed beyond euphoric.. and it was. Atleast for the first week or two.

Looking back; you were purely fucking naïve, and far too much of a optimist to assume shit wouldn’t crash or burn eventually.

Your first red flag was Hedwig.

She was one of the first people you met, and you two quickly hit it off and became close but.. things never exactly felt right with her, per say. Maybe it was because of how guarded she was, or because of the drugs she dealt.. it was hard to tell. However; Hedwig was completely fucking harmless compared to the man she introduced you too.

Andy Dolan.

Just like everyone in Eden; he was drop dead gorgeous but.. oddly hostile. At first you only saw him at parties, ones that you tried your best to avoid him at since you knew he had a notorious temper but, Hedwig being the great friend she is introduced you to him.. and that’s all it took.

You two quickly hit it off after that night (mostly because you were tired of Hedwig being your only friend and branching out never hurt anyone.. right?). Your attraction towards each other at first was strictly platonic, that was clear in how he treated you and how careful you were around him. It was almost stupid to try and not think about how pretty he was but letting your gaze linger on him for even more than two seconds felt erroneous.

You saw almost daily (or atleast every other day) how quick he was to anger and how cold he was to nearly everyone he met.. The only exception at this point was you and Hedwig but your sure if you were to even show a sign that you had romantic interest in him, he would drop you without a second thought. That thought alone was beyond fucking torturous but it wasn’t enough to stop you from daydreaming about how soft his hair or lips probably were. Ones that you doubt you would ever get the pleasure of touching but- atleast it was a nice distraction from how fucking weird Eden truly was.

Sure, it was beyond beautiful and the weather was fairly nice most days but that didn’t make up for peoples attitudes; and you weren’t referring to Andy’s. It wasn’t hard to tell that people were strangely secretive and cliquey, which only really left you with Hedwig and Andy for your friends. No matter how pretty she was, Hedwig was really only surface level friendly so you never particularly trusted her. That only left Andy (which wasn’t exactly any better when it came to being friendly but you knew he cherished your company, which was way more you could say about Hedwig).

However; it didn’t take too long for you and Andy to form a routine. Every weekend he would throw a party and you would stay with him after. The first time it happened, it was purely because you were far too fucked up to go anywhere else (which perhaps is also why Andy finally started being nice to you..) but after that, it was a question you never had the heart to say no too.

How could you? It’s not like he exactly had anyone else which made the possibility of saying no, close to impossible. Just because everyone else who lived in Eden were assholes didn’t mean you were going to be one, which is what lead you to your current predicament.

Five calls you had made that had all been unanswered is what currently lit up your phone screen, as well as your room. It was far past midnight and instead of sleeping like any other sane person would be doing - you were calling Andy or trying too anyway but he wasn’t fucking answering.. naturally.

You weren’t calling for any particular reason, but that wasn’t the point anymore. The fact that Andy wasn’t answering was a huge warning that something was wrong, after all it was a weekday and you knew he wasn’t sleeping or exactly busy.

Unless.. He was with Hedwig?

The thought automatically made your blood run hot under your skin. The feeling seething and utterly consuming until you quickly found yourself going out to your car. Doing the only thing that you knew would make your sudden paranoia go away.

As you drove through the roads that were completely vacant of any other cars and drove past houses and neighborhoods that also looked vacant of any life - you couldn’t help but to think why you even cared.

Andy never really showed interest in you, so what if Hedwig and Andy were actually doing anything?? Unless you caught them in the act, it’s not like either of them would admit to doing shit anyway but that didn’t stop you from still feeling irrationally angry and a bit betrayed.

You didn’t realize how tight you were gripping the steering wheel until you stopped the car and had to let go of it. Your fingers unnecessarily clenched and stiff to the point where they physically ached. Not to mention, you were shaking with the possibility that you could really find them here together, but now that you were actually here- you quickly realized that there was no other car here.

Odd.

You quickly (and quietly) stepped out of the car and paced up to Andy’s house. Not bothering to knock as you let yourself in, knowing that Andy wouldn’t necessarily mind that you did so.. well, you knew if he wasn’t with Hedwig anyway.

The only thing you heard were your footsteps as you took a few steps into the house. Looking cautiously for any signs of life.. any sounds or anything that could indicate anyone was in the house at all but you found nothing.

It took your eyes a minute to adjust to the near pitch darkness that omitted from the large windows that sat on the vast majority of the living room walls. The only light came dimly from the kitchen but even that was too sparse to truly allow you to see anything.

You slid your shoes off and left them by the door, not wanting your steps to allude to your presence before you could see him first and say something. Your steps far more quiet and easier to control now that you only had socks covering your feet.

You made it about halfway up the stairs, originally trying to make a beeline to Andy’s room but quickly freezing once you heard something.

It was shallow and soft but, with the contrast of pure stark silence it was nearly fucking deafening. It was a whimper at first, and it was coming from downstairs on the couch.

Your heart sank once you realized what exactly you were listening too. The first sniffle you heard nearly making you jump from how off guard you suddenly felt; that was the last thing you were expecting to hear..

You looked down from the staircase at the couch; making out a very dim outline of someone slumped over and sitting on the edge with their head in their hands. Their chest and back heaving from how deep they were crying..

You stood idle for a moment, not knowing whether to continue standing or to leave silently but you felt as if you didn’t exactly have a option. Even without asking or being able to necessarily see; you knew who it was but even knowing this- you knew getting him to talk was a good first step.

“Andy?”

Your voice automatically cut off his sobs - almost stopping instantaneously.

You saw his hands move down from his face and drop down to his lap, his head turning up to look at you. Your eyes finally adjusting to the near pitch black atmosphere.

The silence only permeated the room for about three seconds but that was nearly far too long to withstand. Knowing how unpredictable Andy was, you didn’t know if the words that were going to come out of his mouth were going to be kind or purely vile.

You started to speak fast without a second thought, the silence driving you to immediately apologize and try to fix the damage before Andy completely went off on you.

“I’m really sorry. I just got worried because you weren’t answering my calls and I wanted to make sure you were okay, but.. obviously your not,” You said. Swallowing harshly after realizing that Andy was still diligently listening and not cutting you off or telling you to leave.. That had to be a good sign, right? “What happened?” You pressed on.

“What do you think happened?” Andy answered quickly. His voice rough and rugged from sobbing, as well as probably from previously yelling.

You slowly walked down the stairs, choosing to not shy away from his sudden outburst of anger. You weren’t exactly certain which direction you would go in once you were finished descending.. but atleast you knew Andy wasn’t fucking Hedwig. Not right now at the very least.

“Was it Hedwig?” you blindly guessed. Wanting to affirm what you were so desperately hoping wasn’t true and that you could finally relax a bit. That’s if Andy wasn’t mad that you practically broke into his house.. but he didn’t seem to be. Not right now anyway.

You heard him softly laugh in response which made you smile for a second. You could tell by how he was previously crying and in the tone of his voice that he was still hurt. His laugh wasn’t genuine in the slightest; but it showed that he was done crying for the moment which was worth a smile.

“Why does it matter to you if it was her?”

“So it was,” you affirmed.

Your feet stepped off of the final step, and you found yourself approaching Andy. The choice came naturally. The closer you got to him the more apparent it was how broken he truly looked. He stopped crying but his eyes and cheeks were still glossy and wet with tears. His lips red and trembling; among looking entirely and utterly broken there was a hint of agitation present as well. You started to wonder if Hedwig truly did something or if Andy once again was blowing things out of proportion.

“Will you tell me what happened?” You asked cautiously. Your voice was soft, not wanting to unintentionally come off as too strong or hostile.

He studied you hesitantly and with a gleam of uncertainty in his eye - but nonetheless he patted the seat next to him on the couch he was sitting on. Silently urging you to sit next to him and letting you know that he would probably tell you what happened.

At first he remained quiet. Awkwardly avoiding what he knew you wanted to talk about but he still remained silent.. but his voice suddenly broke through. Making you jump at the unexpected sound that suddenly sounded so loud, even though in reality his voice was still low in tone.

“She left me.”

You stared at him numbly for a second, not feeling necessarily surprised at his words (After all, since when was Hedwig not a flight risk?) but instead feeling weirdly a bit frustrated and sad for Andy.

You knew exactly how he felt; it wasn’t like this was the first time this ever happened but hopefully it would be the last. Seeing Andy this sad and broken over someone who in reality, didn’t give two fucks about him was beyond heartbreaking. It hurt even worse for you to keep witnessing him coming back to her though.

Just when you finally opened your mouth to speak he cut you off.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know it’s my fault and I’m such a fucking idiot-“

“Andy, stop!” You said a bit too loudly. You tried your best to hold eye contact with him when he finally turned to meet your gaze as he reluctantly looked at you. You fought the impulse to apologize for raising your voice but there was no need because you didn’t truly feel sorry. He needed to hear you out. “You need to stop blaming yourself. Hedwig’s actions aren’t your fault.. she’s like that with everyone, Andy. She’s always been-“

“I don’t give a fuck what she’s like with other people y/n! She should’ve acted differently with me, she was supposed to care about me and stay..” his words cut off with a deep inhale.

He was trying not to sob and failing miserably.

Andy quickly left the couch, taking a few steps away from you with his back turned. Trying to compose himself as you sat and.. felt entirely guilty.

Even though he had practically blown up at you; you weren’t leaving but you knew approaching him wasn’t the answer either, so you stayed seated at the couch. Hoping he would atleast sit back down next to you.

“I can’t control Hedwig or what she does, Andy but I know solely saying that I’m sorry isn’t enough either,” you started and then paused. The words you wanted to say next.. words that you knew were true but barely had the courage to say were heavy on your tongue. You knew this wasn’t exactly the time to even be thinking about how you truly felt for Andy but you couldn’t help it.

You wanted nothing more than for it to stop. His tears, his words and pleading with Hedwig, your feelings.. it wasn’t enough to just submit to it anymore and to be a witness to how you truly felt. If anything, it was slowly but surely driving you mad and you knew unless you atleast hinted at the fact that it was making you upset; Andy wouldn’t change his behavior.

You knew he payed for sex from Hedwig, it was the one thing that always kept her coming back no matter how he acted and well.. Even if his time was being bought, he liked the attention. He craved it.

It felt weird to admit to yourself that he was taking you for granted.. because he wasn’t really but, compared to how he treated Hedwig - you were definitely on the back burner. You didn’t blame him; why would he ever notice you when he could have someone like Hedwig?

You slowly looked back at Andy, noticing he was staring at you once again with glossy blue eyes which appeared dark in the lighting. A dark, almost midnight blue that would surely match the ocean waves that you could faintly hear from inside the house since the back door was open. He looked a bit annoyed but mostly intrigued. He was waiting for you to continue.

“But you deserve better, Andrew. You shouldn’t allow her to repeatedly do this to you because I know she knows how upset it makes you. She doesn’t care-“

“How do you know how Hedwig feels about me y/n?! You need to keep her name out of your fucking mouth. You don’t know her like I do,” Andy spoke roughly.

You stared at him blankly for a moment. Purely appalled that he was saying this to you in total seriousness; but you knew in reality that it was foolish to be surprised.. to not expect that he would talk to you like this eventually. After all; he blew up at everyone else, why wouldn’t he do the same to you?

You knew nothing made you inherently different and well.. this was just proving that assumption. Andy never viewed you differently from anyone else; that was now crystal clear.

Your hands started to gently tremble in your lap; and it didn’t take long for the rest of your body to follow suit. The sadness and self pity quickly washed away in what was quicker and more rapid than waves. Anger surged through your veins, forcing you to stand up suddenly. You could barely stand to make eye contact as you spoke, barely able to bear to witness how your words made him feel.

“Don’t talk to me like that. You don’t get to talk to me like that. If I didn’t randomly decide to come and check on you because I guess I’m the only one who actually gives a fuck about you, then you would’ve been alone again with no one to yell at. And maybe that would’ve been for the best,” You turned around on your heels. Walking fast and headed for the door, trying to quickly slip your shoes on before you heard Andy’s voice solemnly.

“Y/n wait.”

You stood still at first, weirdly feeling numb and waiting for the metaphorical shoe to drop. Andy’s voice was soft this time as he spoke, the roughness that was present earlier was long gone but.. you didn’t trust it.

You waited for him to catch his breath and to raise his voice and just say more words he would apologize for later; your throat tightened as you felt your body react almost instinctively. You slipped the other shoe you previously put on back off. Turning around just enough so that you could make eye contact, or attempt too with the horribly dim lighting.

“Yeah? Wait for what?”

Andy swallowed in response to your words. Almost bashfully looking down briefly to avoid saying anything or having to look at you any longer. You could see tears staining his cheeks, continuing to run down and nearly slid down his neck. He looked pathetic; and it would’ve almost been funny to see a grown man fully sob in front of you with no shame if it wasn’t your best friend and well.. the person you loved.

“Never mind. You were right; it’s probably best if you just go,” Andy’s voice cracked.

You wanted to believe that the best option for you was to turn around and leave but your judgment felt entirely skewed. Was it really the right thing to turn around and leave when he needed you? Probably not.

You knew if the roles were changed and you were the one who was upset that Andy would probably stay.. but that also depended on other circumstances as well, of course.

Stepping away from your shoes and the entrance of Andy’s house; you approached him. You tried to do so as quickly as possible before he could try to stop you or protest, but by the time he looked up you were barely a foot away.

You reached up, and with a shaky hand (that you hoped desperately he didn’t notice or wouldn’t swat away) you gently placed your fingertips on his cheek. Your thumb softly pressing against his skin, dragging your finger up as to wipe away his tears as the rest of your fingers lie under his jaw.

You tried to ignore how unsettled he looked at you doing this, and how he almost looked uncomfortable or as if he was on the brink of telling you off.. but he didn’t. He watched you diligently as you continued to brush away his tears.

“I’m sorry.. But I couldn’t stand to see you like that,” you said. Trying to give some rational explanation for your behavior even though, Andy didn’t look like he particularly cared why you were doing it. It was the fact you were doing it at all that seemed to have his interest piqued.

You tried to pull your hand back since his cheeks were dry, but he stopped you. His hand softly grabbed your wrist before his hand slid into yours.. your fingers slowly lacing together before you turned your gaze from your laced hands up to his eyes.

“Will you stay?” He asked. His voice was still rough and gravelly but this time, it was starting to sound a bit genuine.

You studied him for a second longer - your mouth dry but you knew the answer before you even spoke.

“Yeah. I’m not going to leave you Andy. I’m not Hedwig,” you spoke as if it were more of a promise rather than a statement.

You felt your stomach churn for a split second as you remembered how he scolded you earlier for talking down on Hedwig, but you smiled instead. The laughter you heard quickly subsiding your previous emotions.

“Okay,” He spoke almost uncertainly.

You could see the outline of him walking away before you felt him gently pull on your hand; making you follow him into the dark hallway which would eventually lead too, you could only guess, what would be his room.

Holding his hand like this almost felt weird but you couldn’t deny how almost.. right it felt too. Even perfect, you would dare say.

There was no way to guess what the rest of the night would entail but you didn’t exactly mind guessing; after all, how could you complain if you were to spend it with Andy?

You couldn’t. There was no way you could.

Whether it was platonic or not, spending the rest of the night right next to Andy, most likely in his clothes since you didn’t bother to bring any more of your own, sounded like heaven.

And since when did you ever complain about spending a night with someone that you had craved so bad?

Taglist: @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakescoven @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon @king-with-no-crovvn @melodylangdon @littledemondani @celestialrequiem @sojournmichael @ritualmichael @twilightzone24

Let me know if you would like to be added or removed to the taglist :)

#Andy Dolan x reader #Andy x reader #Andy Dolan fanfic #andy dolan fanfiction #Andy Dolan #my fic #will crosspost to ao3 shortly #not 100% happy w this but oh well lol

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raphaelsrightarm · 3 years

Note

Hey. It’s the 7-year anniversary of my Nana’s death as we lost her to bowel cancer. I know this might be a sad request, but, is there any chance you can write scenarios of how each Turtle would react to when their s/o reveals to them that they have cancer and how would they deal with them.

I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’m here if you need to talk. I did a lot of research to make sure I knew enough about the subject, and I hope this can make you feel better!

Leonardo:

- When you tell him he goes quiet, as he begins to process the news

- He asks a lot of questions about it, basically wanting to know everything your doctor told you

- Leo hates when things are out of his control so he might seem to be on edge for a bit and would probably have to have a talk it out with Splinter to really begin to accept it

- He would obviously support you no matter what you decide to do, but he, like the rest of his brothers, would strongly urge you towards treatment

- He would encourage you to eat foods that were higher in protein to get your strength up before your treatments start like fish or chicken

- Leo would also suggest that you meditate with him, he says it would help you manage your stress and to help with a few of the side effects from your chemo and look into traditional Japanese remedies to help you with your nausea, as well as the other side effects you could experience

- To your surprise, he would actually pull back on his strict training schedule a bit so he could make sure that if you needed anything he was there to help you; or if you just wanted him around

- He would watch whatever movies you wanted to watch, and would act as a pillow for you when you rested

- There were a few times when you would try to do things for yourself, which would genuinely frustrate him, he would always tell you to take it easy (which would drive you crazy at times)

-Leo would make you a playlist with your favorite songs and a few that he thought you might like for you to listen to during your treatment to help you relax

- Every time you come back from the hospital he reminds you how strong you are and how great you’re doing

- He would also feel better if you were to stay at the lair more than you do your apartment. Just in case you would ever need anything, and he feels like your safer down there with him and his family

- Leo would also not want to tell you a lot about what happens during their patrols or missions, he wouldn’t want to add any worry or stress

- He would never let you feel like a burden

- Reminds you that the two of you are a team, no matter what

Raphael:

- When he first finds out, he doesn’t handle it very well

- He makes himself scarce, he blames it on training, lifting, or other ninja duties as to why he can’t see you at the moment

- With tears in your eyes, you storm into his room to confront him about it that he himself breaks down into tears

- He tells you how he was worried that he would only make things worse and that he wasn’t sure what to do

- The two of you talk about it though, and in the days afterwards he makes a complete 180

- He is there for whatever you need, no matter what time

- If you ever get angry, he’ll let you yell at him about it, he understands that you’re upset, he can take it and he’ll wait it out until you calm down again

-If you’re scared or sad and just want to be held, he scoops you you up in those huge arms of his and keeps you close until you calm down

- When you start treatment, Raph is completely supportive, he hates that he can’t physically be there for you but he always makes up for it afterwards

- He will convince Donnie to let him pick you up in Vern’s old news van after your treatments

- If you feel too tired or in pain, he will carry you around, he knows how much of a toll chemo can take on your body

- He’s more gentle with you than normal, knowing that you bruise much easier since your treatments start

- I have a headcannon that Raph is one of the best cooks in the family, so he will look into what kinds of foods would be gentle on your stomach so you can eat without feeling nauseous afterwards

- He would never let anyone say anything about your hair loss, and says if anyone ever does to tell him; because you are his better half and he would never want someone to hurt your feelings

- In the end, he is your rock and would be there for you always

Donnatello:

- Upon telling him he would take a bit to process

- He’s the doctor of his family, and he would feel helpless because he really can’t help you as much as he wishes he could

- But he knows how scary this is for you and would never ask you to comfort him during this time, so he attempts to distract himself from thinking about all the possibilities

- He would do research nonstop on the type of cancer you have and would present it to you, you two would have a long conversation about what kind of treatments you could choose

- He would also look into non-addictive pain relievers for you so on the days when you like crap he can help

- Like Raph, Donnie would insist on picking you up after you receive you chemo, he would also ask that if you need to be driven somewhere that you let April take you

- He would look through blogs from other cancer survivors to see what works best for them to give an idea of would he could try for you

- To occupy and distract you during your treatments, Donnie would make a folder on your computer of all your favorite movies to take with you

- When you come back afterwards, he’ll take a break from his work and gently lay you in his bed, if you wanted to be held he would cradle you; if you didn’t really want to be touched he would sit down at the foot of the bed with his hand gently rubbing your feet

- Donnie would never want to ignore your feelings of fear or sadness, but he would try to lift you up and make sure you feel more hopeful by the end of the conversation

- Due to his own apprehension, every side effect you had from your chemo, he would look into to make sure that a side effect was all that it was

Michelangelo:

- At first when you tell him, like the rest of his brothers, he’s in disbelief

- Wants to believe you’re just trying to prank him, would awkwardly laugh at first saying things like “good one babe, but you shouldn’t joke about that.”

- When you tell him you aren’t joking, he feels his heart drop to his stomach

- Asks a lot of questions, just trying to get a handle on what’s going on

- He gives you lots of reassurance, telling you how strong you are, and how proud of you he is

- While you are receiving your treatments, he is on the phone with you the entire time, telling you how great you are and how it’ll be over soon and will promise to do whatever you like when you get home

- Absolutely refuses to show you that he’s worried, he wants to make you feel happy or optimistic

- He doesn’t bottle those feelings up though, he will sit and talk with Splinter about it almost everyday. Sometimes maybe Leo, but most of the time Splinter

- He is there for you no matter what; If you’re in pain from treatment he makes you a nest of pillows in his room for the two of you to cuddle on

- If you feel nauseous, he will sit next to you and gently rub your back until it passes

- If you feel self conscious about loosing your hair, he will hype you up all the way. Telling you how much he likes your look

- Making jokes like “Look babe! We match now!” just in an attempt to get a laugh out of you

- Because he is so in love with you and will never stop trying to make you smile, no matter what the circumstances are

#tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016 #bayversetmnt #TMNT x reader #leoxreader #raph x reader #donnie x reader #mikey x reader

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whippin-cream · 3 years

Text

Blooming Day, Part 1

You neve imagined that your engagement would fail, that you would move to Korea, or that by a series of coincidences you would meet your long-term celebrity crush, Byun Baekhyun. You most certainly never imagined that someone like him would take an interest in you either, but he did; and now you’re stuck because you don’t trust like you used to and you just aren’t quite sure if you have the courage to take a chance on him.

Wordcount: 4k

You let out a sigh as you dropped your spoon back into your tea. You wondered how long it would take for the cheap metal to turn the drink as bitter as you felt about the state of your life at the current moment. You flopped back onto the floor, still not having any actual furniture despite having been in Korea for just under a month now.

Who needed a sofa or a nice set of kitchen chairs when you had that homely camping chair you picked up for cheap at the street market? Sure, the arms were flimsy, the cup holder was too small, and it sagged very low when you sat in it, but, it was something and it was yours.

To be fair, you thought, you were never supposed to have been here.

You were supposed to have rejected the opportunity to study for a year in Korea in favor of finally marrying your fiancé in the Spring: transferring to a college just 15 minutes away from the job he was offered at some powerhouse music label.

That was what you had been planning ever since you got engaged 6 months ago. Even found a nice apartment with the view of a park filled to the brim with tall trees and dickhead geese that you liked to watch chase people. You spent so many Saturday mornings with Ethan on the balcony. Nothing sounded better than finally starting a life together with the man you loved more than yourself.

Well, at least until you came home early on your anniversary to surprise him with his favorite dessert and found him balls deep in your (former) best friend.

On the bed you paid for.

The bitch even had the nerve to be wearing the fancy set of lingerie that you had bought for yourself just a few months prior as a reward for acing a particularly brutal exam.

You remember dropping the sweets onto the floor, furiously yanking the diamond off your left hand, and throwing it somewhere in his general direction. You tightly clutched the purse that you never even got the chance to set down to your body and ran back out of the apartment. He rushed after you, yelling some bullshit about how it “didn’t mean anything”, “it isn’t what you think”, and “(Y/N), I love you! I’m sorry. Baby, please stop!”

You didn’t, though. Your brisk walked changed into a full sprint when curious neighbors opened their doors to take a peek at the commotion. They glanced repeatedly between the sobbing girl and the naked man yelling after her. It was by far the most humiliating experience of your life.

From there the details of that day get a little fuzzy, but you remember taking a taxi to the airport and buying a last-minute flight to Seoul. A child kicked the back of your seat for at least half the time you were in the air out of boredom, but you didn’t have the energy to tell him to stop. After a good five hours of doing nothing but staring blankly in front of you, you managed to drift off.

When you came to, a flight attendant was explaining to everyone that they needed to get ready to disembark. Her warm smile and friendly tone did nothing but annoy you. Who gave her the right to be so happy when your world just crumbled beneath your feet?

You knew you were being irrational, but still.

After making it to what appeared to be a small shopping center within the airport, you decided that you needed a drink. Preferably something warm and sugary to get you out of the daze you were in. Luckily, a Starbucks was nestled in between two shops: One being an overpriced gift shop and the other selling fast food that was far too greasy for the average customer. About 20 minutes later you were sitting alone on a barstool, with a half-full venti cup that was most definitely cold by now, but you didn’t mind.

With one more deep breath, you reached into your purse and slid out your phone. You had turned it off immediately after buying your plane tickets and you were scared of the notifications that you would receive. Part of you was even more scared that you wouldn’t receive any.

Was it possible for him to just toss five years together away so quickly? Could you? After all, he did say he was sorry. That it was all just a big mistake, and that he loved you and not her.

But how could he do something like that to you when he said he loved you? You loved him, and you most certainly never slept with another man. Especially not in the bed you shared with him and with his closest friend.

How many times had they done it? Was it truly a mistake? Maybe he had just gotten drunk and it was all one big accident. Your head started to hurt with all the possibilities floating through your mind.

You had shocked yourself with a quick, but firm smack to the center of your forehead. “You don’t accidentally stick your dick in someone else, idiot. Why would he be drunk at 2 pm? He knew what he was doing.”

With your thumb pressing into the power button you watched with bated breath as the welcome screen flashed on. You waited for the notifications to flood your phone; the flight to Seoul was long, surely, you’d have received many texts in that time, right? Your finger tapped anxiously on the screen as it refreshed.

Then, one after another a notification popped up in a bright banner at the top of the phone. There were several voicemails and even more texts. They started out apologetic, parroting the words he yelled after you in the hallway. However, they grew increasingly nasty. Ethan always did have a nasty temper, and it flared up when he was being ignored and when he was drunk.

Judging by how slurred his voice was in the last few messages, and how incoherent his texts became, it was safe to assume that he had downed the bottle of (far too expensive) whiskey he loved to always keep stocked at the house.

While you weren’t able to make out everything he said to you, the gist was that you were just some dumb little girl that he had settled for because you were safe. That he never loved you and that you needed to apologize to him for the scene you created when you left the apartment.

“The neighbors were staring.” Because that was your fault, just like the reason he cheated was your fault too, apparently.

He ended his drunken tirade by saying that you would never find a man like him again and that sooner or later you would come crawling back to him. After all, you were dating up by dating him, he claimed. "What other man would want you?"

Though, you did not go crawling back to him. Not even after he sobered up and the second round of “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it”s started back up again.

It was clear that he didn’t respect you. The only thing your father ever made you promise about how you would date is that you would not tolerate staying with a person who treated you with less dignity than you deserved. You knew that you would never be happy marrying a man that looked down on you. How would your life be anything but constant paranoia with a person that could run around with other women without even acting guilty about it?

It definitely was not easy, and there were times where you did consider that maybe you had overreacted. Admittedly, moving across the globe did seem rather dramatic at times, but going to Korea was something that you wanted to do long before you ever met Ethan. When you tried to look at things in a positive light, you saw that: you got to move on in your life, continue your education, and cross an item off of your bucket list all in one go. Despite trying your hardest to stay optimistic, most days you simply did not have the energy to do anything other than wallow in your own self-pity.

Today was one of those days.

You brought your hands to your chest and rolled over a few times to get on the sleeping mat you wanted to snuggle up in. While it was no Tempurpedic, it was surprisingly comfortable; especially when you wrapped yourself in the soft and bulky you crocheted the week prior.

You slipped off your glasses and placed them a few feet above the mat. Light was still pouring in through the window, so you brought your blanket up and over your head. It covered your eyes while the edge curved down around the side of your face and rested under your chin. You loved the darkness and all-around cozy feeling it provided without having your mouth covered by the blanket. You hated having your mouth covered by the blanket. It never felt like you could get enough air when it was.

Unfortunately for you, the sleep was not as comforting as you assumed it would be. The happy dreams where everything you could have ever wanted and hoped for were nowhere to be found that night, neither were the strange ones that left you with a feeling of confusion that you couldn’t quite shake when you woke up. Instead, you were plagued with watching a replay of your anniversary on loop.

After a few hours, you managed to pry your eyes open. Your skin felt uncomfortably sticky due to the cold sweat you had broken out in. You felt warm tears welling up in your eyes and threatening to spill over. You blinked them away, angry at yourself for still crying over him.

You felt pathetic.

You pressed the heels of your hands against your temples in a sad attempt to get the thump, thump, thumping in your head to stop. You raked your fingernails down your face, wincing at the slight burn you felt. You snatched the glasses from the ground and hastily shoved them onto your face.

You picked up your phone and tapped on it harder than you probably needed to. You didn’t know what you were expecting to find on your phone, but you hoped that there would be something there that stop the lonely feeling you felt in your chest from consuming you entirely.

Your salvation came in the form of a text from Minji. “CALL ME!!!” It read, several emojis following the exclamation points. It brought a smile to your lips. That was something Minji had always been good at.

You had first met her back in high school when she was taking part in her own foreign exchange program. The two of you became fast friends, staying in contact with one another even after she went back home to Korea. Her personality was bright and warm, and she had a knack for making even the most socially awkward people feel comfortable in her presence.

Despite your history, you had to admit that you were a bit shocked to hear from her. Seven months ago she became a trainee for SM entertainment, and your communication with her went from nearly daily to radio silence. It stung, but you understood. Becoming an idol had always been her dream, and you didn’t think it would be fair to try to distract her from that.

You had let her know when you first arrived in Korea, and while she seemed excited over the phone, she hadn’t seen you yet. You pressed the phone icon next to her name, opting to put the call on speaker because your earbuds were nowhere to be found.

“(Y/N)! You got my message.”

“Yeah, what’s up Minji?” You replied, lightly digging your fingers into your thumb. You couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous. You wondered what exactly it was that she needed.

“Look, I know I’ve been a bad friend. I have been distant lately, and this isn’t fair. Especially not to you. I mean, you’re the one who encouraged me to even go to the audition in the first place. If you hadn’t of yelled at me until I got off my ass and went…. Well, I wouldn’t be where I am now.”

She paused for a moment to take a breath.

“So, I want to make it up to you. I don’t exactly have the money to take you out for dinner or anything, but SM is having a party on Friday. All the trainees that are close to debuting will be there, and so will the established artists. It is supposed to help us build “inter-company relationships”; whatever that means. We are all allowed to bring a plus one, and I want that to be you. There will be expensive catering, and that fancy booze that is so easy to get drunk on since it doesn’t taste like alcohol. The perfect venue for catching up. So, what do you say?”

She sounded slightly awkward, but hopeful as well. Before you could answer she started speaking.

"I know it isn't exactly your scene, but I really want to see you."

"What's the dress code, Min? I wouldn't want to look totally out of place." You replied. You closed your eyes tightly. Minji was right, big parties were not your thing. However, you reasoned, maybe you needed something out of your comfort zone.

Minji squealed so loudly that you recoiled slightly. "Does that mean you're coming? Yes! Nothing too fancy, but not casual either. Remember, simple is sexy, baby."

You snorted and shook your head. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind."

"I'll text you the address.” You heard her name get called in the background. “Sorry, I have to get back to practice now. I’ll see you in a few days. Bye!” The line went dead, and you rolled back over. You felt a contentedness that you hadn’t felt since the breakup wash over you. It was nice to know that you still mattered to someone.

The days leading up to Friday flew by quickly. You had bought yourself a fitted black dress for the party. You wanted to look nice, but you didn’t exactly want to draw any unwanted attention to yourself either. You paired the dress with some flats and kept your makeup minimal as well.

You grinned at yourself and gave a little twirl when you did your final once over in the mirror. You rarely got to wear dresses; Ethan had always gotten upset with you when you tried. He thought they brought on too much male attention, and in the interests of keeping the peace you just gave them up.

You felt pretty.

You felt happy. Truly happy.

A pleasant warmth bloomed in your chest, and you could feel it spread throughout your body. You eyed the perfume you had bought and saved for a special occasion. This occasion, you decided, was special enough.

In 20 minutes time you found yourself in front of the doors to SM Entertainment. They seemed big, and mildly intimidating, but you pushed through them regardless. You sent Minji a text that you had arrived and you moved to stand by some chairs in the lobby.

You dug your fingers into your thumb while you waited. It stung a bit, but the feeling kept you grounded. You took in the architecture of the building, staring in awe at how sleek the whole place looked.

A hand on your shoulder startled you and you turned to see Minji’s smiling face. You smiled back at her, and you were quickly brought into a hug. It was slightly awkward, as a hug was a greeting she reserved for her foreign friends only. Nevertheless, you appreciated the gesture.

When she pulled away you finally got a good look at her. The first thing you noticed was that she was significantly slimmer. You felt a flash of self-consciousness hit you, but you quickly dismissed it.

“Come on, the party’s this way.”

After a few hallways, and a short elevator ride you found yourself in the reception room. It was loud, and lively. Minji led you closer to one of the walls by the back of the room. It was in close enough proximity to the dancefloor that you two could join in without too much trouble, but just quite enough that you two could talk comfortably. Minji spoke first.

She went on and on about all the funny things that happened in practice, and how she was so excited to have been placed in a group she knew would debut sometime in the near future. She hadn’t been given an exact date yet, but they had started to shoot promotional content. Minji explained that she had done three photoshoots in the past week, and cringed when she talked about how awkward she felt doing her solo shots.

She giggled and grabbed a glass of something pink and pretty from a waiter that was carrying them by. “I felt like I was doing school pictures again. Hopefully these ones turn out a little bit better.” She took a gulp of her drink and then nodded toward you.

“Enough about me. How have you been? How’s the wedding planning going?”

Ah, right. You hadn’t told her about the breakup yet.

You coughed awkwardly and brought your left hand up to show it off. “It’s…” you hesitated “It isn’t anymore. Ethan and I are over.” You averted your eyes, grabbing your own alcohol and downing it. When you looked back at Minji, her eyes were wide and she sputtered out a quick apology. Her cheeks were stained an embarrassed pink.

“What happened?” She questioned before she could stop herself. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

“I caught him and Rachel in bed together.” You answered simply, not wanting to go into too much detail. You didn’t want to ruin the night that had been so fun so far.

Minji’s face hardened. She had never liked Rachel, or Ethan for that matter. You knew that, and you were hoping to escape an “I told you so”. Minji scoffed. “What an asshole.” She muttered quietly. “Who needs him anyway?”

You smiled at her. “Not me; but what I do need is some more of this.” You held up your empty glass and shook it slightly.

After a few more drinks and reminisced memories you found yourself on the dancefloor with Minji. You felt the heat radiating off of you, and you weren’t sure if it was from the alcohol or from the dancing, but it was nearly too much for you. You made a mental note to just drink water for the rest of the night, but your head was fuzzy and you weren’t quite sure if you’d be able to resist a pina colada if one became accessible.

You weren’t the best dancer, especially compared to the trainees and idols surrounding you, but you were enjoying yourself. You felt a fresh rush of adrenaline hit you when Exo’s Wolf came on. You were sure you and Minji looked ridiculous when you made wolf ears with your hands at the “awoo” parts, but the two of you were laughing to hard to truly care.

“I haven’t heard this song in so long!” You shouted to her.

She looked at you in surprise. “What? But you love Exo.”

You nodded back to her. “I do, but Ethan didn’t like me listening to them.”

“Why not?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know, he never really gave me a good reason.” Minji rolled her eyes once again.

“Just another reason to be glad he’s out of your life.” You giggled at her statement. She was right. The more you thought back on your relationship the more you realized that maybe he wasn’t really the prince charming you thought he was. You couldn’t just be you when you were with him. You were the you he wanted you to be. The only thing that you left the relationship with was a monthly payment to a landlord for an apartment you weren’t even living in. Ethan had refused to allow you to take your name off of the lease. So, fuck Ethan.

“Have you met them?” You asked. Her eyes brightened, and she nodded her head rapidly.

“Yes, and god. They are so much hotter in person.” You noticed a shift in her expression then. Something mischievous made its way onto her features. “Are you ever going to tell me who your bias is?”

You laughed. “Fuck no, Minji. Definitely not now. You know them! That would be weird.” You whined. You knew that if you admitted to holding a fondness for Baekhyun that you would never hear the end of it. She pouted at you. Her lip stuck out and it wobbled slightly.

You walked backwards a few steps and she followed. “Puppy dog eyes won’t work on me, Minji.”

“Oh, come on. I don’t know Exo that well. Just tell me.”

“Nope, too weird.” You laughed again. The room was spinning, and everything seemed far more funny to you than it should have. However, your laughter was cut short when you backed into the firm chest of someone behind you.

You felt the warm exhale of breath against your face as a voice you only recognized from interviews and fancams whispered in your ear. “What’s so weird about us?” You froze. A feeling of terror shot down your spine and your face became far hotter than you thought was humanly possible. That voice definitely belonged to a one Byun Baekhyun, and his tone was teasing. “Huh?” He questioned again. After the initial shock wore away, you realized that your body was completely pressed against his.

You shot away from him like you had been scalded. He had a Cheshire-cat grin plastered on his face. “N-nothing.” You stammered. Your eyes were so wide they nearly popped right out of your skull, and you were sure Minji’s were doing the same.

His eyes slowly glanced down the length of your body before his gaze found Minji’s. “Friend of yours?” He asked. She merely nodded in response. He turned his attention back to you and bowed slightly. “I’m Baekhyun, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” You didn’t respond until you felt Minji elbow you in the side.

You bowed back, slightly lower than what he had given to you. “(Y/N).”

He grinned at you once again. He ran a hand through his neatly styled hair, causing a few strands to fall back over his forehead. His cheeks were flushed red, and you wondered if he was as tipsy as you were. “Minji, we are having a bit of an afterparty at the dorms later. Well, technically it’s supposed to be a mentorship meeting, but we want to make it fun, you know? The rest of your members have already been invited. Feel free to bring your friend along.”

He winked at the two of you, and then he was gone.

You stood there for a moment, not quite sure how to process what had just happened. You glanced over at Minji to find that she was already staring at you. “What the fuck was that?” You whispered to her. You felt a sudden need for secrecy, and it seemed she felt the same way.

“I think Baekhyun just hit on you.” You shook your head violently.

“And I think you’re crazy.” You stated, though conviction was nowhere to be found in your voice.

“You are coming with me to that afterparty.”

“I most certainly am not! You heard him. It is supposed to be a mentorship thing.”

“And you heard him when he said he wanted something more fun that that.” She hissed back.

“Minji.” You warned.

“(Y/N).” She shot back as she raised her eyebrows at you. “If nothing else, come for me. Tonight is our night to catch up, remember?” Your fingers went to your thumb, and you nodded your head. Butterflies bloomed in your stomach and you tried to expel them with a sigh.

“Okay, I’ll go.”

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the-seas-song · 3 years

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Richard Armitage and Astrology

Hi! I find astrology fascinating, and am an armchair expert on it myself, so I found Richard's comments in his recent Total Film Magazine interview very interesting. This is what he said:

I’ve been incredibly lucky. I’ve dabbled with having my celestial chart looked at every couple of years, just for a little tune-up. Every time, the guy sighs, and goes, “What can I say? You’ve just got a sprinkle of luck.” And I say, “That’s good, because I don’t have the talent, so I really need the luck!”

[cut]

There is a naughty, dark side to me. I am quite strongly affected by the moon. So if there’s a full moon I’ll go a bit crazy. (source)

This isn't the first time Richard's mentioned astrology – he's mentioned being a Leo, reading his daily horoscope, and finding out he was born in the Chinese Year of the Pig; but these were all informal twitter comments. He has also mentioned the effect the moon has on him before, in February 2020:

“Everyone has cycles of positive mental and emotional feelings and negative mental and emotional feelings and I know that I am profoundly affected on a monthly cycle. I always look at the calendar when I'm feeling particularly low and check the lunar cycle to see if it's a full or new moon.” (source)

However, what prompted me to write this is that Richard's personal put-downs were even more direct here than usual; and the connection that has to his natal, or birth, chart.

A little disclaimer: Personally, I think general horoscopes (like the ones you find in magazines) do far more harm than good. They are based solely on the twelve sun signs, and your sun sign is just one puzzle piece out of 25+ pieces that make up your natal chart. This is why many people don't relate to their horoscope or it's personality description.

Your natal chart, however, is a whole different animal. It's an intricate puzzle created by the exact date, time, and location you were born; which is why most people find their natal charts to be scarily accurate.

Back during the Hobbit days, a fan blog reported that Richard told a NZ fan that his birth time was just after 4 a.m. I used 4:05 for this post, and being off by a few minutes doesn't really make a difference.

Richard and self-esteem

I really feel for and relate to Richard's self-esteem struggles, because our charts mirror each other. We are both Leo suns; but I have my moon in Aries with my MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Virgo and sextile my North Node; while Richard has his moon in Virgo with his MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Aries and sextile his North Node.

What on earth does that mean?

Each planet represents a different part of you. The sun represents your ego/conscious self; the moon your emotions, mercury your mind/intellect, venus love and beauty/aesthetics, mars passion and drive, etc.

On top of the twelve planets, there are specific points and asteroids that are also important. Your MC, or Midheaven, represents your career and public persona. Your North Node describes your inner journey and life purpose. The asteroid Chiron describes your major soul wound, that you will be forced to deal with throughout your life.

A conjunction and a sextile are two of several different kinds of aspects. The different kinds of aspects are the different ways your respective puzzle pieces can interact with each other. Some are 'easy/positive' and some 'difficult/negative'. A sextile is considered easy/positive. A conjunction means two things are next to each other and overlap with one another, and is usually considered positive.

Leo and Aries are both fire signs. Fire signs are generally playful, warm, passionate, confident, and optimistic. Virgo is an earth sign. Earth signs are generally practical, grounded, sensual, and logical.

Richard's personality is dominated by an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo influence, with both his sun (core self) and venus (love and beauty) in Leo and his moon (emotions) and mercury (mind) in Virgo.

Aries and Virgo are said to be the most difficult Chiron signs, because they are the wounds tied directly to your self-worth (Aries is the wound of Self and Virgo is the wound of Perfection). With Aries Chiron you feel a core sense of worthlessness, like you're missing a fundamental piece of your core self. This deeply felt lack of self-worth leads people to be people pleasers and have issues with confrontation and conflict.

Aries rules the planet mars. It is the warrior planet of passion, drive, and combat. A conventional Aries is confident, outgoing, impulsive, and strong willed. Aries and mars are definitely the rowdiest sign and planet in the zodiac. However, with Chiron here the traits are inverted, and so someone like Richard is much more likely to be scared of his inner passion, confidence, and willpower – depending, of course, on what the rest of his chart is like.

That leads us to Virgo. Chiron Virgo feels impure, like there is something fundamentally wrong with them. This kind of low self-esteem makes you feel like you have to constantly try to 'fix' yourself so people will love and accept you. It's an OCD type of perfectionism that only ends in failure and heartbreak.

A good example of how this works is when I talked to my therapist recently. I hadn't quite succeeded in meeting my goals, and so my automatic response was to condemn myself for failing. My therapists immediate response was to congratulate me on how much progress I had made.

Ironically, unlike with Aries, this isn't an inversion of the conventional Virgo. Conventional Virgo is meticulous, detail-oriented, focused, patient, efficient, practical, perfectionistic, systematic, and pessimistic with high expectations. If Aries is the official warrior of the zodiac, Virgo is the official nit-picker.

This means that Richard's subconscious intellectually (mercury) and emotionally (moon) expects and demands perfection, whilst simultaneously feeling fundamentally worthless. In short: ouch.

Interestingly, a significant number of celebrities have their Chiron conjunct their MC. Personally, I think Richard hit the nail on the head as to why in his essay on the Human Condition for Cybersmile:

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. It’s why sometimes actors are called in to work with therapists, in large corporations, in schools. It’s why drama therapy is fantastic to understand what we do, how we do it and what the outcome might be, and in an improvisation where we aren’t playing ourselves sometimes we explore avenues that are too frightening or unacceptable in our own lives.

[cut]

So going back to my very first point, the “social media society” in which we’d all like to feel safe, supported, excited, creative, spontaneous, innovative, courageous, is really in our own hands. And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening.

So here is the thing, and it’s key to my work and I think ours as a community. When we speak or write, we ultimately desire to ‘affect’. If we aren’t watching the destination of that affect, then how do we know our words have landed and the ‘effect’ they have caused?

[cut]

If I have a strong opinion about something which I want to express I really task myself with backing it up with the ‘why do I feel that?’

Again it’s part of my work building a believable character, and actually part of building a believable ‘me’ outside of my work. Just.. “because that’s what I feel” is a bit of a cop out.

[cut]

As for Bullying, it’s like the moment the pot boils over, or it’s the poisoned stream that can’t be cleansed, so why bother. Well I think that’s what art is for. It’s can support the best and the worst of ourselves. We can ‘attack’ a canvas with black angry paint, we can ‘savage’ a piano keyboard, we can dance until we drop, we can read about a Puritan society who executed elders, we can explore the psychology of a serial killer, and when we can’t do this ourselves we can experience it, and witness it through others.

It’s more than being nice. Edward Munch’s “The Scream” is far from nice. Francisco Goya’s “Saturn” is horrific, Metallica, Die Antwoort etc etc. But then there is Monet, Faure, Renée Fleming, Peter Jackson, Ariana Grande (ok it’s getting a bit eclectic I admit) but when we look, listen and empathize, we tune in to the Human Condition.

We are all part of The Human Condition, whether we like it or not. Social Media. Expression. The Human Condition.

Us human beings are wired for emotion and connection. For actors, their career gives them a way to safely process and explore their personal wounds through the characters they play. For Richard in particular, his mars is conjunct his North Node. So, his mars and North Node are sextile his Chiron and MC.

Remember, Aries (the sign of Richard's Chiron and MC) is ruled by mars. Mars is the warrior planet, like Aries is the warrior sign. This means that Richard's spiritual journey/life's purpose (North Node) deals directly with healing his soul wound so he can accept and embrace his inner confidence and willpower. This explains why he ends up playing a lot of ultra-masculine characters – mars/Aries are the most macho of them all.

This isn't to say I think Richard should change who he is! I wouldn't be interested in him if he was ultra-masculine or macho. However, for his own sake, I would be overjoyed to see him gain more self-esteem and inner confidence.

Extrapolating from my own personal experiences, the constant criticism and judgement I received during my adolescence from my peers and various authority figures (like family members and teachers) for being unconventional and 'over the top' caused me to turn on myself and repress my passion and will-power for several years. I think it's highly likely that Richard experienced this too.

Here are some quotes from Richard that illustrate everything I've been talking about (emphasis is mine):

Armitage is still notably handsome, but, within minutes of meeting him, it’s apparent how incongruous it is that this bookish, sensitive, self-described ‘melancholic, philosophically-minded softie’ and ardent fan of The Great British Bake Off was cast as beefcake killer totty for a considerable part of his career. ‘It’s ridiculous. It’s the complete opposite to who I am. I’m such a pacifist,’ he laughs. ‘But then, part of me always felt: “Well, isn’t that why we’re actors?”

[cut]

'I think the turning point was losing my mum,” he says. “Up until that point, I felt like I mustn’t put a foot wrong, that if I said the wrong thing or revealed too much about my personal life, it could all come crashing down, and it would come down on my parents, and they wouldn’t be proud of me anymore.” He shrugs. “Now that I’m past that I’m actually much more carefree about the choices I make.” (source)

Richard Armitage puts his head in his hands and emits a noise that's somewhere between a sigh, a laugh and a groan. “Oh no! Why would you want to pin this up?” he says with a horrified whisper.

[cut]

Never has a man seemed more ill at ease with the heartthrob label. He squirms with embarrassment in his chair every time the subject comes up. He is grateful for the loyalty of his fans, he says, but worries that “there is this thing of, 'Is he just totty?' Because the industry will sometimes write you off as a serious actor if they think that. I have always been conscious of that and fought against it, because I don't really see myself like that at all.”

[cut]

This brings us back to Astrov, who looks so relentless towards the future that he can't see the truth in front of his eyes. “It's interesting that he's an outsider in the play. I've often felt like that myself in life. I'm quite a solitary person. I enjoy my time with me, and sometimes it's not necessarily healthy, because I can talk myself into quite a dark place.

I'm an optimist, but at the same time, there's a discipline in me that will attack me for not working hard enough, not achieving enough, not being good enough. You always think, 'I'll grow out of that. With success, those voices will disappear.' But they don't, they get louder. I suppose I'm learning a bit about myself through Astrov.” (source)

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. … And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening. (Human Condition essay)

So I kind of travelled on that line for a while, and I was bullied for it as well. The problem with me is that as soon as you try to push me down or say “you can’t do this” and “I don’t think you should do that”, I immediately push back. So I did – I’d decided really young that I was going to try to make a career out of it.

[cut]

Actually, there was something I wanted to add to what Shaun said, about inclusivity, is that um, no matter how – how much confidence you have or how, in my case, lack. Y’know, I always felt like a misfit, or an oddball, or that I didn’t belong. But I always – I always told myself that ‘you exist in the world, so therefore there’s a place for you in this industry’. I think anybody who feels like, “I can’t become an actor because…” – you exist. And, y’know, the job of filmmakers is to write about our life and society, and if you are a part of that, then there’s a place for you in the industry. (source)

I'm a bit of a brooder. I don't like confrontation, so I think I suppress things. When my temper does come out, it goes all the way – the kind of temper you can't apologize for. Yep, the chair getting thrown out of the window. Those emotions are scary, but hey, they come in useful when you're acting. (source)

Armitage is a noticeably calm presence but he talks with passion.

[cut]

In the past, he has described himself as a shy person. “Not any more,” he says forcefully. “I mean… if I’m very, very honest, I’m a big guy, I think I’m at times quite a frightening person.”

In what way?

“I think I’m quite uncompromising. I can’t bear bulls---. And in a way the shyness is me protecting other people from that. I can feel that there’s an intimidation that can happen if I own my full height, and speak at my full volume. So I’ve learned over the years to just tone it all down a bit.” (source)

I've become one of those actors who find it difficult to say no when things are offered. I think if I had come out of drama school and been an instant Hollywood superstar I would be taking long, leisurely holidays. But I always feel somehow it's going to be taken away from me so I work when I can. When you struggled with work as I did when I left drama school you make hay when the sun shines. There was a time when I thought, and my agent thought, it wasn't going to happen for me. We both sat down and I actually said I don't know if I can stay in this state. The interesting roles have only come since I got into my 30s. But I didn't know that was going to happen. I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of guy. To be honest, I had no blind faith in myself. I don't think I could have stayed around as a jobbing actor. I would probably have quit. Who knows? I think I would have found that too frustrating. But at the moment when I thought I was going to quit, something happened and it all changed again. (source)

[talking about being cast in the Hobbit]

There was a little bit of guidance as to what they were looking for. I felt that I was too young for the character, too tall for that character, so I thought, you know, ‘I’ll just look at the scene they’ve written’. And then I realised the essence of the character that they were aiming for. So I went to meet Peter and Phillipa and we read some of the scenes. I think we spent an hour-and-a-half talking about the character and what their vision was, and I sort of explained who I thought he was, and that was it.

[cut]

Yeah, my first instinct, whenever that kind of thing happens, is to say, 'Well what's wrong with the part? Why did nobody else want it'? Which is kind of the story of my life really. When I get offered something, I'm like, 'Well there must be something wrong with it if they're offering it to me!'

[cut]

But you know, the thing is, you talk about all of this: ‘How did you get the role? And how did it feel when you got the role?’ And once all that’s died down you start to think, ‘I’ve actually got to go and play this now’. They’ve trusted me. Everyone’s happy, everyone’s celebrated, the phones have gone down and the deal’s been done. Now it’s over to me to make the role work. And that’s the scariest moment, because you do have that elation and then the work begins and you think, ‘How the hell am I going to do this?’ (source)

How was it for you taking on this beloved role, this character that has such a huge responsibilty on his back? Could you relate in some ways?

Richard Armitage: Yeah. There is always building within him this paranoia that he’s not a good enough leader, and that weighs him down. I have experienced that same feeling as an actor in this role. And I was aware of taking on the responsibility of that character, so there was something I could latch onto there, as one of the people who loved ‘The Hobbit’ book and had envisioned that character. It took me a while to be convinced that I could do it, it wasn’t until I saw some sketches, this one particular pencil sketch….there was something about this characters eyes and the way that his hands are crossed, I thought, “I think I can do this, I can pull this off.” (source)

Q: I wanted to ask you about what your Arkenstone is. For you personally.

A: Me personally?

Q: And I meant for this to be materialistic. What's the thing that you covet so much that it makes you mad that you don't have it?

A: Well, it's actually not material. It's not material, and it's – (laughs) You want a comedy answer, don't you? But it's respect. It's the thing that always eludes you, you know. You have to fight for it and when you get it, your arkenstone, the thing that crowns you, is respect.

Q: And also a sweater.

A: And a sweater. I do have this little natty number.

Q: It's a good one man.

A: Tom Ford made this personally. But hey, he can have it back. I don't covet wealth and material. (source)

Q6: You’ve done a variety of different roles, I wonder what influences you to pursue those roles?

R: More often than not, you go where you’re wanted. So getting hired is still kind of a revelation to me, a shock and a surprise. Sometimes you have very flat periods, where I don’t really care what comes next, I just want to work on something. I feel like I’ve got a little cloud of luck over my head so the right thing always seems to come along. But again, I’m easily excited about literature and stories, so I’ve always said I don’t really pursue glory, I’d happily do acting for two people in my living room if it was a role that I really enjoyed with a story I’d really like to tell. So it’s chance, I would say.

[cut]

Q8: Once in an interview about Thorin, you were asked what your arkenstone was and your answer was respect. I like this answer a lot. So I was wondering what’s your red dragon? As you said yesterday he’s a character who sheds his skin, improves, and becomes something. I was wondering if there was something you’d like to improve, become?

R: I guess the antithesis of that is disrespect. Do you mean in myself?

Q8: Yes.

R: Yeah I try not to be too disrespectful. I guess I value the truth. I think we’re living at a time at the moment where the truth is warped and there’s a word that’s been in my head for a long time, and particularly recently it’s come to the surface. When I was studying Macbeth, at the RSC, I read a long thesis about the gunpowder plot, which was one of the things they thought that Shakespeare (or whoever Shakespeare was) was stimulated by to write Macbeth. And the word equivocation was used in this thesis, it was actually about equivocation and what equivocation is. And if you look it up in the dictionary, at the moment most politicians are equivocating. When you don’t answer a question, or you bend the truth to make it seem like you are answering the question, and in fact you’re telling a lie. So I would say my red dragon would be equivocation.

[cut]

Then there was the physical form that I was studying and observing, but also, I do sometimes enjoy locking myself away in a room and reading a book or just doing something alone, and you sometimes can go a couple of days without speaking to anybody. I don’t know whether anyone else experiences this or whether I’m just a weirdo. But I find that when that happens my voice changes, and I always forget how to make a noise, I have to do a warm-up before I go into the world and start speaking again.

[cut]

Q15: I was wondering if you ever had to pull out of a project because it felt wrong or something, and what is the point where you say “nope I can’t do this”?

R: Um, no. But that’s partly to do with the fact that I have a lot of loyalty, probably too much loyalty for my own good, really, and there’ve been moment when I’ve been on board a project, and actually it happened this year with The Lodge, I was already on board that project and something else came along which was bigger and better and brighter and more money, and your agent says “look we can pull you out of The Lodge, they can probably recast it,” and here I think “I’ve already started this process, I don’t want to let people down,” and I don’t have a problem with that at all, I never have any regrets over the things that you miss or the things that you decide not to do, I think there’s a strong enough reason why you’ve decided not to do it, but in general no I haven’t ever pulled out of something. There was one television show I remember, I’m not going to say what it is, but after the first readthrough, I did call my agent and asked, “can I get out of this?” And then he quickly got back to me and said, “don’t do it. Don’t build a reputation built on disloyalty.” So I try not to.

[cut]

Q18: I think you are very handsome, but your character Francis hated the way he looked, how did that make you feel?

R: Francis hated the way he looked? Yeah. I guess there is something we relate to in that. Without getting too personal, I don’t always enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t do it very often, to be honest. I do it just to be sure I don’t have food on my face. I do it in character, actually. I do spend a bit of time studying my own face when I’m playing a character, which is interesting because your face does change. (source)

He cannot see the handsomeness: “I think I am odd-looking. I have big lines on my forehead.” I squint, looking for them, but he is talking over me, sounding slightly panicked. “I shouldn’t draw attention to it, because then everyone else will see the oddness.”

[cut]

Laziness is what makes him angry: “Laziness in myself. Laziness in other people. And dishonesty. All things I feel capable of myself. I have a propensity to be lazy and lie about it. Fear makes me rageful. There are words in The Crucible I actually find it quite hard to say.” I beg for an example — The Crucible is in the public domain. “No,” he says, “you’ll see it in the play.” I tell him it will make no sense in print if he will not tell me. But he won’t. So I change the subject. It works. “OK, I will give you a line.” He inflates a little and says: “Is there no good penitence but it be public?” And then: “Were I stone I would have cracked for shame this seven month.” (source)

Q: How would you describe your evolution as an actor since you started?

A: I think everything has to do with the fact that today I’m not afraid anymore. At first, I was embarrassed to do something wrong or do things badly or make myself ridiculous. Today, I am almost looking for opportunities to be ridiculous or vulnerable or to make as much of a mistake as possible. In a sense, it’s now the opposite of being undercover.

Q: Are you the actor you dreamed of being when you started?

A: Not yet. I am not yet fearless enough. It’s in waves, actually. But I have already approached this dream. There were moments, especially during Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, which I performed on stage, where I felt I had no control over things. That’s what I’m looking for: to lose control.

Q: You often play bad guys. What do you like in these characters?

A: I like disobedience. I like the fact that you can be disobedient thanks to your creativity. As a person, I must always be polite in life, be careful and correct so as not to hurt anyone. In a fantasy world, I can be as offensive as I want. It’s an outlet. (Laughter)

[cut]

Q: Many actors are moving to directing. Is this also your goal?

A: I would like to, but I do not think I’m smart enough. I am good when it comes to working with another’s vision. I do not think I have that creative spontaneity that creates a vision from scratch. But the future will tell. (source)

I applaud Richard for being so open and direct about his fears and insecurities. It takes a lot of bravery to do so. And while I've seen some fans get annoyed with his continual self-deprecation, I think his honesty and openness is much more significant, and shows his inner strength. He doesn't try to pretend to be someone he's not.

He recently described himself as “patient, obsessive, and silly” (source). The patient part is classic Virgo, and the obsessive part comes from an element of his natal chart that I have not mentioned.

The silly part, however, is classic Leo. Like I said above, he has an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo in his personality. Personally, I'm proud to be a Leo, but I also know we get misunderstood a lot of the time. I wrote the following for an essay of mine on Leos in Disney:

Your sun sign represents your core identity. Just like the physical sun is the center of the solar system and its energy creates life, the astrological sun is our consciousness and life force. Each of the twelve sun signs are ruled by a different planet and element.

Since Leo is the fixed fire sign, we don't inherit the reckless and impulsive nature of fire, but instead are a steady flame. No sign is more reckless and impulsive than Aries, because they have the double combination of being a cardinal sign and a fire sign. Meanwhile, all four of the fixed signs struggle with stubbornness and admitting when their wrong.

Leo's are well known to be natural leaders and the rulers of the zodiac. We are ruled by the sun and our animal is the lion. We dream big and are born with big personalities, and we can't help but be theatrical and dramatic. This means we are always self-centered in the sense of being strong-willed and having a strong sense of self. It does not mean all Leos are egotistical.

Unhealthy Leo traits all revolve around the ego: attention-seeking, egotistical, selfish, bossy, controlling, pushy, jealous, possessive, lazy, vain, arrogant, aggressive, and obstinate.

Healthy Leos, however, are known for our fire-based traits – being animated, theatrical, happy, outgoing, independent, competitive, charismatic, creative, open-minded, open-hearted, confident, assertive, playful, warm, social, courageous, idealistic, affectionate, romantic, optimistic, and adventurous.

What isn't often talked about is our steadiness, our fixed-based traits. Leos are authentic, steadfast, fiercely loyal and protective, consistent, persistent, full-hearted, dedicated, need to do their best, generous and selfless, honorable and moral, genuine and direct, extremely supportive, hard-working and responsible, dignified, strong-willed, and ambitious and determined.

Something that is often mentioned but highly misunderstood is our trait of courage. Having courage doesn't mean you're fearless or reckless. The definition of courage is “the power or quality of dealing with or facing danger, fear, pain, etc.” It means that instead of running away from our problems or denying our emotions; healthy Leos face them and be genuine and direct with ourselves, embracing our vulnerability.

Having a big personality doesn't necessarily mean someone has a big ego. C.S. Lewis once said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.” Leos have huge hearts and are incredibly generous. The sun never goes retrograde, always shines, and gives life and energy to all living beings – it isn't selective or discriminatory. Healthy Leos are like mini suns; which is why we are also irrepressibly upbeat, optimistic, and fun-loving.

We're not pushovers. We are like roses – we have both flower petals and thorns. If you mess with someone we love you're going down. We're too loyal and protective to let major things slide; and even if we forgive, we never forget. Little things? We'll try to work them out with you.

Being naturally strong-willed and assertive is healthy – it just means we usually make horrible subordinates and yes people. There's nothing wrong with having high standards and being open about them. In fact, in relationships it's far better in the long run to open and frank about what you need and what you consider a dealbreaker from the beginning.

And oh yes are we ambitious and competitive – but most often with ourselves. We're natural leaders who always dream and think big. For a healthy Leo it's not about being the best, but doing your best. We have to be grand and intense, we're ruled by the sun. It's all or nothing for us. Settling is not something a Leo does. We need to be the best leader, the best friend, the best partner, etc. that we possibly can.

Also, in astrology each sign rules a different body part, and Leo rules the heart and upper back.

Adding to this, Leos are known as the Kings/Queens of the zodiac not because we're egotistical, but because our sun sign is the sun. It's like a double amount sun. I could go into significantly more detail about this, but it involves a lot of technical astrological details; so if anyone wants to know more just message me!

Going back to Richard, having his core self (sun) and love/beauty (venus) in Leo explains why he is an actor and artist; and why he is often warm, silly, and dramatic when he feels comfortable – his long interview with The Anglophile Channel (and it's deleted scenes) does a great job of showing the synergy between his Leo and Virgo sides.

We see Richard express the heartfelt, generous, sincere, and honorable side of Leo all the time. This is why I'm sure he has the inner-confidence and strength hidden within him to overcome the deep pain his Chiron causes him (like it does to us all). I hope he continues to find projects and people that help him on his journey to heal.

Thank you for reading this, I'm wishing him and you all the best. Take care!

#Richard #Richard Armitage #Astrology #Mine

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its-chelisey-stuff · 3 years

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I watched “Imitation” and it was surprising (... okay, I loved it!)

Full disclosure: If you haven’t the slightest interest in kpop, not even in the drama or juicy gossip that produces, this won’t be your thing. I know it’s not a drama for everyone. Stop reading. Just know that OTP (and most characters) had a happy ending but there was a bunch of drama to achieve it. Typical. And a death may or may not have been in the mix.

Well well well... I'm pleasantly surprised, that's the perfect three word review for this drama. It would seem that when those little projects that come out of nowhere and you have no expectations about, turn out to be even a little big good, they made the strongest impression. And this drama is up there in my top 3 of favorite dramas of the year, it has my heart.

Yes, it was about kpop idols and 90% of the cast was made of idols (even one from the very first kpop gen hahaha), yet the acting was decent (and from some, truly great), yes sometimes it got a bit cheesy and silly and yes, there was a ton of drama concerning fans, reporters, dating scandals and bad and greedy CEOs of entertainment agencies BUT it was also sweet, really romantic, funny, lively, full of music (I'm OBSESSED with the last OST which was sung by the whole cast, it makes me FEEL things) and dancing, it had lots friendship and found family AND at times, it was heartbreakingly tragic.

I think this drama tried to tell the audience two important lessons, worthy of mention: the first, work hard for your dreams, don't give up on them but also, you never know what opportunities might come your way that could end up changing your direction and perhaps make you chase something that you never thought you would, so persevere, breathe and hang in there just a bit more; the second, one that we all know if you have a little bit of sense and even if you are mildly informed about the k entertainment which is that idols are just people(most of them teens when they debut some not even 18) who want to and deserve to have a pretty f-ing normal life, so f-ing let them! the consequences of putting these youngsters over a pedestal are catastrophic and there are real life, heartbreaking, examples of this.

Main characters

Ryok: the Golden Boy of kpop, from the most popular boy group, also a an actor (a decent one? Idk they never said). Perfect in every single aspect, except when he is nice to girls who aren't his fans, then they will crucify him. SUPER clumsy whenever his crush is nearby and does something he finds cute, otherwise super cool and chill. Also great at pining for his crush. A romantic, which means he chose the worst career path. My favorite character.

Maha: A bright and optimistic girl with a strong might of perseverance in going after her dreams. Loves dancing. Very sweet and very tiny. Despite appearances, she's not a pushover or weak FL. And that's why I loved her.

Yujin: Second ML by the book. Became an idol because he was pursuing FL (who in turn was pursuing ML). The only reason why I never hated him is because he was a great friend, knew he wasn't doing anything healthy and decided to end his one sided love and opened his eyes. Two words: Character development *chef's kiss*

LaRiMa: A soloist. A Queen. At the start, it looked like she was the typical and mean second FL. But she wasn't, and I adored her for that. She had a heart of gold. She deserved the world, and she knew that so she made decisions accordingly (a Queen chases no one, least of all a man!) lol best character in the drama and my second favorite character (sorry Maha!)

Also starring: The members of SHAX (the leader, SF9′s Hwiyoung, the maknae from Ateez and the funny guy who spoke random english) the group of Golden Boy. Tea Party members (bffs with FL, Riah and HyunJi), Maha’s group. Sparkling members (the very angry and frustrated leader and two members of Ateez whose names I don’t know), second ML group. AND in the longest and most important cameo (ala Go Kyung Pyo in My roommate is a Gumiho) SF9′s Chani, a former member of SHAX, who disappeared into thin air one day.

The story

On paper it doesn't sound like anything groundbreaking (and tbh it really wasn't lol): a story about idols who willingly chose their career path, trained for years while underage, got treated like products by ugly men in suits and realized it kinda sucked, especially when you don't become a hit group and have to protect your personal life like it's a dirty secret that could damage your image and maybe end your career this is why I said it’s not a show for everyone. But this drama is what Dream High 2 (2012) wanted to be and never could in the aspect of actually making you feel something for these idols and the situations they were facing while loving the musical side of the show and making it all believable.

Even if it's not exactly about teens in high school sort of thing, it does give you the same hopeful and uplifting feeling of a coming of age story, especially because the characters are still youngsters trying to be happy and realize their dreams for the future.

You can just stop reading here if you want to go watch the drama with no spoilers. And if I haven’t convinced you despite not being appalled by kpop themed dramas, then I guess you should keep reading lol or trust in my taste and judgement when I say the story is worth it (but to be fair the first two eps are a bit slow).

The romance (super spoilery!)

At the core, this show was a love story. What started the plot is the fact that main couple reunite in the same work field as idols, and they actually met and befriended each other years ago; so being older and able to spent more time together brings them closer to finally accept and give into their feelings, but soon enough their relationship becomes a ticking bomb threatening their careers and then this big mystery of how and why SF9' Chani disappeared and abandoned the group becomes really important in the last third of the drama

Because once upon a time, Chani had a gf but she was still a trainee so once their love was exposed (the truth of who exposed him is devastating) and their respective companies threatened them, it all becomes too much too fast and with seemingly no other way out, the girl makes a terrible decision, that ends up changing the lives of most of the characters.

I’m sure this is from a bts but their chemistry was really good and sweet. Also, height difference to die for!!

Yet, there is a happy ending for main couple but it's only achieved after certain people learn from their mistakes and support Ryok and Maha, which makes it clear that no matter how in love and willing you are to face adversities for and with your loved one, you still need a support system (and maybe the right people in a position of power) because sometimes two against the world isn't as romantic as it sounds, but sad and lonely.

And the main reason why I loved this is because of the way the show drew a parallel between the two most important couples in the story and tells the audience “had it been even a year before, under different circumstances and less luck, had they had no friends and no people to support them, main couple would’ve ended in the same tragic way” and I think that is a haunting realization. That also makes you appreciate things.

*cries* they were adorable

The bad (spoilers!)

I do wish this drama would’ve elaborated on some bits that were really worth diving into, or that it would’ve shown how some things came intro fruition instead of just skipping it and showing rigth away the outcome of conversations that were never had or reunions never shown. It is clear to me that they wanted to make the drama longer and could have told a better story had it been a 16 ep show.

Basically yes, the main story, main romance and side couples' arcs got resolved but ugh a list of plot holes:

Why was LaRiMa so obsessed with Ryok for half the drama? The minute the girl knew he was dating someone he truly liked, she gave up right away, so I gotta believe the only reason she didn’t quit on him before, is because he did gave her a reason to hold onto him. Perphaps they dated before? Or maybe they like each other at one point? I can only do fanfiction in my head to explain this.

Why was the angry leader of Sparkling such a bitter bitch? How did he end up in another company?

I wanted to see SF9′s Chani reunion with his ex-members from SHAX. It NEEDED to happen. At least they showed Chani with Ryok (which was really emotional) but arrgh.

Also, Chani deserved a kneeling apology from SHAX leader, I mean, come on!!

If everyone knew about Maha and Ryeok at some point, they needed to use that. You can’t just have a bomb like that in your drama and not use it. Is a principle of storytelling. You can’t just have the thing that your main characters fear the most, in your hands, and do nothing about it. But I guess it was not done because of lack of time.

Also, they never showed how they announced their relationship. Instagram post? Company statement? An exclusive to Dispatch? And how did the fans took it?? Answers, drama! Damn it!!

Final thoughts

Despite its many flaws, I loved it. It had heart. It seemed low budget and even more so due to the fact that it was done in the middle of the pandemic and a big part of kpop are the fans and concerts, you know what makes it all the more big and shinier. But the drama people and the actors put effort into it, and you could tell (and the fact that there were also original songs and choreographies made for this drama amazes me, and that they chose to promote the drama by having some of these fake groups perform on actual music shows). So there you go, I wholeheartedly recommend it.

Before I finish, let me just say that the actor who played Ryok is a REVELATION in my eyes.This boy needs to stay in dramaland and get more main roles (and after some research I’m happy to say that he is thriving!!). Also, he has great timing for comedy. The actress who played Maha elevated the quality of every scene she was in. (Not for nothing she was God in DAYS). Jiyeon (LaRiMa) was excellent. It really showed at times that she’s not only an experienced idol but also an experienced actress. The contrast with most of the cast was noticeable, sadly. The drama wouldn’t have been the same without these three.

Also, watch AND listen to the last OST sung by the whole cast here. Beautiful song that just makes you cry if you’ve seen the drama.

#imitation #lee jun young #jung jiso #jiyeon #jeong yunho #kbs imitation #kdrama #kdrama review #i wanted to tag all actors but omg that's a nightmare #they're too many

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ayellowcurtain · 3 years

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Could you do an elu fic where Eliott is coming out of a depressive episode and wants Lucas to make love to him inside him because he needs reassurance that Lucas still wants him and finds him attractive even after being down for weeks?

Lucas keeps waiting for the time he’ll be able to see Eliott again, it’s weird to not live under the same roof as him. Eliott explicitly asked Lucas to stay away and Lucas shouldn’t take it personally but it’s hard when the person you love is looking at you like you’re the most annoying thing, triggering them into getting worse.

So he’s waiting, trying not to think about how Eliott is doing every second of every day.

The second he recognizes the phone number being from Eliott’s parents’ place, Lucas picks up right away, afraid of what he might hear. His brain always thinks of the worst-case scenario.

“Lucas?”

“Hi! Hi, Mrs. Demaury. Is everything okay?” Lucas pauses the movie he was trying to watch on his computer to distract himself.

“Yes, yes, sweetheart. He’s...still in bed but he’s been asking of you so I was wondering if you wanted to come to see him…”

Lucas lies on his bed, pulling his covers over his head. That’s all he wants but he doesn’t want to cross Eliott’s boundaries. What he wants and what his mom understands he wants can be two very different things.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“Of course. I promise that if that wasn't the case I wouldn’t have called.” She sighs and Lucas finds a little bit of confidence in her tiredness. It’s horrible to think that but if she was overly optimistic he would feel that her call was just a big red flag, crossing Eliott’s wishes to get her way.

“Okay. I’m on my way.”

Lucas closes his computer and rushes to put on some sneakers and a jacket, not carrying how terrible he looks with his comfortable sweatpants and an old hoodie.

He doesn’t care about the looks he gets while sitting on the bus, nervously tapping his feet constantly, biting his nails.

It feels like forever but it’s only been two weeks since they haven’t properly seen each other. Lucas thinks he might find a completely different Eliott even though it wasn’t that long.

“He’s taking a shower!” Lucas feels Eliott’s mom jumping a little during their welcoming hug, so excited with such a mundane task. And Lucas feels it too, looks at her, struggling to keep his tears. When Eliott is down, the very least thing he wants to do is take a shower. So this is great, amazing news.

“He knows that I was coming?” She nods her head, still smiling but clearly tired from stressing so much. Lucas steps aside, kicking his shoes off while she locks the door.

“I told him when I found him in the bathroom.”

“Do you think he’ll eat if I make us something?” Eliott loves Lucas’ food. He’s no chef but it’s one of their things, and Lucas is more than happy to cook for Eliott any day. And his mom is probably exhausted and in with no desire to cook - it runs in the family, the lack of interest for cooking - and she sighs so loudly, dropping her hands against her sides that it makes Lucas laugh.

“Oh my god. I know why he loves you so much.”

She puts her hand in his back and leads him to the kitchen, the fanciest kitchen Lucas has ever seen.

“Feel free to do anything you want, my love. The pantry is right behind that door,” she points to the big door right next to the industrial oven, “And I’m gonna get him some clean clothes.”

It feels like they’re planning a sad surprise, not sure how Eliott is but so excited he’s a little more responsive.

She runs around the place, grabbing clean clothes right out of the dryer, still warm and comfortable, and runs back down the hall, where Lucas can hear the water running, imagining Eliott having to lower his head to fit under the showerhead. Lucas misses him so much it feels like a first blind date that Eliott’s mom is setting for them.

He decides on some cheesy, delicious pasta that comforts him on his bad days. For once he can make it properly, using the expensive cheese he can’t afford but Eliott’s parents can. He makes almost the whole bag because he’s also starving and if Eliott doesn’t eat, his parents can enjoy it.

It’s so nerve recking that demands Lucas’ full attention, trying to find all the ingredients, trying to not let the pasta overcook and make it in the perfect time that when Eliott is done with his shower, the pasta will still be warm, the cheese will still be soft.

Suddenly, there’s a shadow next to him and he looks, finding the love of his life right there, leaning against the counter slowly like he’s sore from working out too much, unable to move normally.

“Hi…” Lucas tries not to be too loud but it’s hard when he’s this nervous to be around Eliott again, being seen by him.

Eliott smiles, his hair still damp and not brushed or styled at all, the tips falling forward a little bit, “Hello.”

“Are you hungry?” Eliott nods his head, looking at the pan, Lucas almost ready to turn it off and wait for it to cool down for a moment.

“A little bit.” His eyes are smaller than usual, a little bit red and puffy but Lucas doesn’t ask. Eliott wouldn’t be here, standing and talking to him if he was still angry. So Lucas does what he’s been desperate to do, holding the wooden spoon with his other hand so he can run his fingers through Eliott’s soft hair, putting it to the side so he can properly see his boyfriend completely. Eliott smiles and closes his eyes when Lucas slips his hand down, touching his still flushed cheeks.

“I’m sorry.”

Every time Eliott apologizes, his voice is so heavy with embarrassment, shame, and frustration that it makes Lucas want to hug him so tight and never let go. It makes him forget how hurt he was when they were fighting, every time.

“It’s okay.”

Eliott puts his hand over Lucas’ and slowly they put their hands down and Eliott moves on to do some other thing. Lucas follows him with his eyes to find his mom behind the island, setting the dining table for the three of them, clearly going a little too far with her limits but she’s looking at Eliott and she doesn’t find any extreme despair for sitting to eat with her and Lucas so she smiles and continues, always moving quickly.

They sit and talk while Lucas is putting his pasta in three bowls, two bigger than the third one and while he puts them all in front of each chair, Eliott’s mom rushes to the fridge to get them some cold water.

She acts how Lucas is doing with college and how is his mom doing and they make small talk over dinner, happy to hear Eliott when he makes a comment or two. Lucas starts gathering all the dirty dishes but she stops him, smiling.

“Please, don’t you worry about the dishes! You made us some delicious dinner, the least I can do is put this in the dishwasher and give you two the rest of the night off.”

Lucas looks at Eliott, worried he might be overstaying but Eliott smiles at him and gets up, grabbing Lucas’ hand so they can go to his bedroom.

He’s in awe that he’ll get to spend a few more hours with Eliott, probably watching some movie, with Eliott lying his head on Lucas’ chest but he’s caught by surprise when Eliott pulls him closer and kisses him the second they’re safe inside his bedroom, one arm going around Lucas’ waist, his long and often distracting fingers pressing against the small of his back under his shirt.

“Eliott…” Lucas hisses, feeling his whole body instantly respond, melting against Eliott’s touch, “We should...watch a movie.”

He tries to be rational but Eliott starts kissing his cheek, down his neck and it’s hard to say no to that, ever. Eliott lifts his shirt slowly and Lucas should keep his arms down, say they should just chill for tonight but he’s already shirtless, watching Eliott kiss his chest, his hand in the back of his neck.

Eliott walks them to the bed and Lucas lets himself be selfish, kissing his boyfriend until he gets out of breath.

He’s always with a one-second delay, still in awe that he has Eliott back, kissing his navel while pushing his pants down his thighs, carefully pushing down his calves. Lucas wasn’t expecting this eagerness and no matter how much he loves it, he can’t stop worrying that easily either.

“Eliott...Eliott.” He holds his face with both his hands, really needing a minute of actual conversation to make sure they should be doing this.

Eliott grunts, lying on top of him with his whole weight, pressing his forehead against Lucas’ chest before looking up. Lucas feels a little exposed being already naked with Eliott still wearing his soft sweatpants, lying in between his legs but it’s the type of exposure that feels like he’s in a rollercoaster, taking his breath away.

Eliott looks up at him and Lucas feels his own heart beating so fast, so happy to be with Eliott again, holding his hair to the side so they can see each other.

“I miss you. I miss us. I don’t want to lose you, for you to find someone better, who you’re attracted to and doesn’t give you more problems-”

Lucas pulls him up and presses their lips together.

“Don’t say that. You know it won’t happen.”

“It could. I’m a mess, Lucas, and you’re so fucking beautiful.”

He wants to say how he couldn’t care less about the rest of the world if Eliott is not with him but he’s faster, kissing Lucas again, pressing their hips together, pulling a moan out of Lucas.

“I want you, please. To feel that you still want me. No condoms.” Eliott pants against his lips and Lucas can’t control how it makes his back arch even more, looking to keep their bodies as close together as possible. He nods his head and rolls them in bed, getting rid of Eliott’s sweatpants and underwear too, needing to show him how crazy Lucas is about Eliott and only him.

#skam france #elu fic #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury #elu #lucas x eliott

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imagine-this-fandom · 4 years

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BNHA X Fem!Reader: The Rescue - Angry Pomeranian

The Rescue intro: Here

She gently placed Izuku into a glass cage before pulling you to a back door labeled "Dogs", the Golden retriever slipping in behind you before you closed the door.

Upon entering, you were greeted by lots of barking, the dogs obviously not using their indoor voices. You actually surprised by the variety back here. There was a husky, Pitbull, and even a German Shepard. The room was rather large and open for them to interact with potential owners, various dog toys strewn across the floor with the dog kennels to the back.

You expected Inko to take you to meet the bigger dogs, but were confused when she led you past them, instead stopping in front of a small tan puff ball in a corner who was absolutely destroying a dog toy, the smiling sun that used to adorn the front of it, now flopped over on a shred of fabric by your feet. It almost looked like a blizzard of its own had happened in the corner due to all the stuffing scattered around.

"Oh Bakugou, what have you gotten your paws on this time?"

Inko clicked her tongue and watched the Pomeranian pup continue to tear the stuffing out of a smiling sun patterned toy.

The sight made you a bit more hesitant. Was this really the dog she had in mind for you? An absolutely furious little ball of fluff?

He didn't seem to pay you any attention, content to work growl and tear into the toy until Inko reached down and picked him up, which sent him into a frenzied wiggle fit. He began to whine in outrage, upset seemingly with the audacity of Inko picking him up.

"Come now Bakugou, you need to behave! There's someone here to see you." She was all smiles and started to pet his head, the angry noises emitting from the dog lessening as he calmed down a fraction.

"Mrs. Midoriya, are you sure he's the right dog for me? He doesn't seem to like me very much..."

You eyed the dog hesitantly. While he was undeniably adorable, you were worried he wouldn't like you even after you started to take care of him.

"I think he just needs time to get to know you! He's a sweetheart once he's settled, even though he doesn't show it often. Really, he could do with someone like you in his life. From talking to you, I can tell you'll be perfect for the little scamp."

The dog had stopped wiggling and seemed to be assessing the situation. If you didn't know any better, you'd say it looked like he was listening.

You bit you lip and looked him over, weighing the options you had. Sure he'd be a handful, but... could you really say no to that face?. If what she said was true, maybe he just needed someone to be there for him. And you found that you really wanted to be that someone. Besides, pets have personalities too. Even if he was grumpy, you could love him regardless

Smiling, you nodded.

"I'll take him. "

Getting Bakugou to go home with you on a leash was an experience to say the least. He tugged like mad and actually tried to break the leash, biting and trying to rip it away. That didn't go all that well for him once he got outside though. The snowdrifts were as big as he was!

Laughing, you discovered that you would have to pick him up to continue home, seeing as you wouldn't get very far if you had to keep fishing him out of the deep snow. He was bound and determined, but you could tell he was getting annoyed with the cold piles.

He was the angriest creature you had ever seen in your life. If a snowflake came too close, he would snap at it and bark at every stray animal or movement he saw. You just shook my head with amusement. His temperament, while not ideal for most people, was starting to grow on you.

It was a relief to finally get back to your apartment and put him down. You let him roam the house and explore, getting used to his new environment as you set up the supplies you got from the store. You had gotten him some cool food and water dishes with flames designs on the outside. After finishing that up, you moved to your bedroom to place the dog bed that you had purchased for him. He had beaten you to your room though, which you discovered as you chanced a glance at your bed while arranging the small pet bed in the corner. Bakugou had already made himself at home on your bed. His ashy blonde fur standing out on the comforter as his crimson eyes followed your movements from his newly acquired high ground.

"Silly boy, that's my spot! You have a bed down here!"

His eyes narrowed as he took up a more defensive position.

"Down, Bakugou. Off the bed. Did you just growl at me?!"

Well... He did not look like he intended to move any time soon. While you were all for learning to deal with him, you were definitely not in the mood for dealing with a doggy temper tantrum. You conceded him this point, for now and left to prepare for bed.

You left and took a quick shower before slipping into some (f/c) pajamas. Stepping out into the bedroom, you stopped and snapped a quick photo. Bakugou had settled down on the bed and was sleeping. This was the most peaceful you had seen him so far.

Rather than risk picking him up and waking the angry mutt up, you instead shifted him slightly to the side and climbed under the covers on the other half of the bed. He looked up at you at the contact , obviously annoyed by being roused from his sleep, but not mad enough to do anything about it except give an angry huff and shift so his back was facing you. You smiled and cautiously reached out a hand to stroke his back. He seemed to stiffen up for a moment, but, he seemed too tired to really care, so you took it as the go ahead to continue. You pet him for a bit before reaching up and scratching behind his ears. He tensed again before melting against your touch, leaning into it. You carefully retracted your hand and yawned before turning the lights off, smiling at the silvery fur across from you in the moonlight.

"Goodnight Bakugou, sleep well, my little spitfire."

Progress was being made, and for that, you happy. You fell asleep with a content expression, optimistic for the days to come.

Bakugou was absolutely a handful. After that first night, he made it his mission to test you. Whether it was by breaking something while you were at work, or simply refusing to cooperate when on walks, he made it his mission to act out when anything slightly inconvenienced him. Spitfire was an apt name, considering how spirited he was, especially on walks. He'd become the local terror of the neighborhood. Regardless of his size, he was ferocious. Even some of the larger dogs were intimidated by him! He didn't allow any other creature to push him around, humans included.

Even with his resistance you continued to work with him, trying to find ways to calm him down. You wanted him to like you, to trust you. You started by working on your own reactions whenever something happened that set him off. Instead of getting upset at him, you got down to his level and spoke quietly, getting him to focus on you instead of whatever had triggered his outrage. He still had his outbursts, but they were slowly getting better.

He was still very particular about contact though, only really letting you pet him when he was tired, when his weariness outweighed his outrage. This led to a nightly routine of pets before both of you fell asleep. This would change though.

One night, after a particularly bad day of work, you stumbled in exhausted. You were absolutely dead on your feet as you dragged your tired body inside your apartment. Kicking off your shoes, you decided to forgo your usual yelled greeting to your dog and instead staggered into the living room and collapsed face first on the couch, muscles screaming from the stress of the day. You just stayed like that for a good five minutes before hearing the jangle of a dog collar headed your way.

Bakugou stopped in front of the couch and growled at you impatiently, seeming to not like this break in his routine. You really didn't have the energy to deal with his nonsense so you simply let your arm drop off the side, offering him your hand. This didn't appease him though, as he instead took the edge of your sleeve in his teeth and tried to tug you off the couch.

You shifted, turning your head so I could see him and hopefully stop his determined tugs.

"Bakugou, please. I can't right now, okay? We'll play tomorrow. Just... not tonight. I'm not doing well."

You expected some kind of backlash, maybe him barking his head off, or maybe he would go destroy something out of spite. What you got instead, was a lick on the back of your hand, and a fluffy head pushing against your side, urging you to make some room on the couch for him. Tiredly, you obliged, rolling onto your back so your tired gaze was now directed at the ceiling. Your brief view of the apartment ceiling was interrupted by a fluffy blonde head glaring down at you with red eyes. Bakugou had settled himself on your chest, paws resting just below your chin.

"Can I help you sir?"

He huffed, hot breath warming your chin and chest as he relaxed and laid his head on his paws, almost daring you to move and disturb him.

You smiled and pet his head, making sure to scratch him behind the ears. He never made it obvious, but he loved it when you pet his head. He just kind of melted, muscles going relaxed with his eyes drooping in happiness. You stayed like this for at least another hour before falling asleep, arm lazily thrown over the content pup. You were surprised to discover you slept the best you had in ages that night. Something about Bakugou being there to protect you just made relaxing so much easier. While he was small, he was fierce and wouldn't let anything happen to you under his watch.

After that night, Bakugou seemed to calm down a little. He was still your little spitfire, but he didn't shy away from your touch. If anything, he sought it out. He still got into loads of trouble and had gotten on your last nerve more times than you could count. But now he seemed more interested in you. He got upset when you didn't greet him when you came home and always made sure to stay in your vicinity when you were at home. He seemed protective of you now, and you couldn't help but love it. He let you cuddle him more too. Often, you began to invite him up on the couch next to you during movies, which quickly turned into an hour every day with Bakugou on your lap as you pet him and watched a show or movie. As this happened, you noticed he favored old hero footage, especially of Allmight. He went wild whenever the symbol of peace was shown on the screen.

"I can see why you like him, he's one of my favorite heroes too. Always there when people need him."

You smiled, petting the excited dog's head. Pleased to see his little tail going nuts.

"But who needs Allmight when I've got you around Bakugou? My brave little Hero! You're always here for me. Getting you was one of the best decisions of my life."

The dog seemed to stiffen, but you didn't pay him much mind, figuring he was just focused on the action playing on the screen. Although you noticed he was quiet for the rest of the evening. He was reserved and honestly, you were starting to get a little bit worried. You decided that you'd just take him to the park the next day, maybe that would cheer him up.

The next day, you stuck to your plan, waking up early to work on housework and make sure you had finished all your tasks for the day and could take Bakugou for a nice long romp at the park.

You were working in the kitchen when he made his way out to you after waking up, his claws clicking on the tile and letting you know he was coming.

"Hey spitfire, did you have a good sleep?" You grinned and looked down at the fluffy dog who was watching you quietly. You knelt from your spot at the stove and held up a piece of bacon you had saved from breakfast.

"Figured my good boy deserved a treat. This is for now, and then once I finish cleaning up, we're going to the park."

Your words seemed to excite him as he snatched the bacon and his tail went wild. You smiled and pet him before getting back to work on the kitchen, looking forward to taking a break and spending time outside with your little spitfire.

Once you were outside, Bakugou seemed to go back to his normal angry self. He trotted ahead of you as you walked, seeming to exude an aura of intimidation when it came to the other dogs. You knew he wouldn't approve if you said it aloud, but you thought it was adorable. You relaxed as you walked through the city, slowly finding your way to a vast park that Bakugou seemed to like. It had lots of room to run, but you didn't let him off leash often. While you trusted him, sometimes he couldn't help himself and would pick a fight with anyone he felt threatened by. This led to some close calls that made you decide he wouldn't be allowed off leash anytime soon.

Crossing the threshold onto the green grass, you gave a happy sigh, enjoying the change from pavement to grass. You were quickly drawn away from your peaceful moment as a dog came charging at you and Bakugou. A chihuahua that was off its leash was making a beeline for you and Bakugou was not having it for a second. He braced himself in front of you and gave a warning growl as a deterrent. The little dog was either deaf or stupid and you were not excited to see which as his attention was focused on Bakugou.

He got just a little too close before Bakugou lunged forward and gave him a warning nip on the leg. When the little dog did not back down, you had to make a split decision and scooped up your dog and ran the opposite way. You found shelter on a bench, just out of reach of the vicious little monster snapping at your feet to get at the outraged Pomeranian in your arms. Your little spitfire did not take kindly to anyone threatening him, but you weren't about to let the small dog take a chance to retaliate for the bite. After a few tense moments where you tried to work out a plan that didn't involve punting the attacking dog, its owner ran up, red faced and not in a good mood. Instead of immediately fetching her dog, she took one look at the situation and exploded on you instead.

"DID YOUR DOG BITE MY COCO?!"

You were stunned into silence for a moment, not able to process the audacity of the question directed at you from this angry middle aged woman.

"Yes, but it was in self defense! Your dog was coming right for him!" You protested, hoping an explanation would somehow help the woman's anger to subside. But unfortunately, she did not accept that her dog was the one to blame. She scooped up the still writhing devil dog and glared at Bakugou.

"That thing is a menace! You should but a muzzle on him! What if he had bitten a child?" She stared with unwarranted venom, her blunt and misfounded words thrown carelessly at you like daggers.

You didn't notice right away, but Bakugou had gone still at the mention of a muzzle, the word seeming to trigger something within him.

As the woman Walked away, you slid down to sit on the bench, taking a moment to collect yourself and recover from the emotionally draining encounter. When you looked down at Bakugou again it was because he was struggling in your arms.

"Hey bud, it's okay, they're gone now."

These words which you had meant for comfort only made him struggle more.

"Okay, okay! Sorry, I'll put you down."

You carefully set him on the ground but were taken by surprise when he started to sprint away. You gasped and took off after him, chasing after the leash he was trailing behind him as he made his escape.

"Bakugou! Get back here!"

While you were doing your best to keep up, he was doing his best to dodge you. He was ducking under bushes and darting around obstacles as he made his getaway. eventually, you ran out of steam and had to stop, breathing heavily as you tried to get some air back into your lungs. When you were finally able to breathe without black spots invading, Bakugou was nowhere in sight.

You were in panic, barely barely able to really process that he was gone. You quickly started walking again, cupping your hands around your mouth as you called for him. How could he have just run away? Something must have happened, he wouldn't have just left you, right? You just had to keep looking. You'd find him. You had to.

You searched until your throat was hoarse, long ago abandoning the park and now roaming the city as the sunlight started to fade. Logic said that you should go home, but there was no way you were going to leave Bakugou outside and alone. You loved him, and you needed to find him, hopefully before anything happened to him.

You staggered through the streets, voice quiet and strained as you hopefully looked for even just a hint of tan or the tell tale jingle of your collar. It was late, and as much as you loathed the thought of going home without him, you had begun to lose hope of finding him today. As you turned to head home, you ran into someone.

"I'm so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going," You babbled, apologizing to the man. The guy glared at you before his whole demeanor changed as he looked you over. A dangerous look starting to form on his face that made unease rise within you.

"where are you going, sweetheart? Maybe I could walk you home. Come on, I know a shortcut." Before you could make a move, he had grabbed your arm and dragged you into a side ally, cornering you against the brick, his other hand going right over your throat

"Alright pretty girl, I want you to empty out that purse for me. And if you so much as scream, you'll regret it."

You dared not disobey, any chance of resistance fading as he showcased his quirk. His smirk was as sharp as the knives now protruding from his fingers, sharp and glinting in the limited moonlight, poised over your throat m. Being quirkless, you didn't have much choice.

Trembling, you began to slowly reach for your bag keeping your eyes focused on him, not wanting to surprise the man and cause him to stab you. He was beginning to tap his foot impatiently.

You fumbled with the zipper, horrified to find that it was stuck.

"What's the hold up, get it open!"

He had pressed forward, blades nicking your skin.

"I-i't's stuck! I can't get it open! "

"Not good enough, girlie" He growled, jabbing your side with one of his blade fingers.

You cried out in pain and struggled to get the bag open to avoid another injury. If you weren't so preoccupied with the pain and panic, you would have heard a pop from the top of the alleyway. While you didn't hear that, you absolutely heard what came next.

An enraged scream tore through the alleyway and your captor was torn away from you. Your mind was having problems processing the scene though. Your attacker was being pummeled by.... A blonde naked guy. When the criminal tried to get back up, the blondie created an explosion with his hands, sending the villain flying with a bright flash of light. He righted himself and turned tail.

"WHERE THE **** DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?! I'LL KICK YOUR ***!!"

The blonde yelled after him. And it looked like he would have to, if your legs didn't take that moment to give out on you. You sunk to the ground with a loud thump which drew the blonde man's attention.

His expression softened a little as he looked back at you, moving to crouch next to you. He was quite intimidating. His brows were turned down in an angry expression and his eyes were an unusual shade of red. You pressed yourself back against the wall, leaning away from the strange man.

"Oi, dumb***, what the **** are you doing out here? It's dangerous."

You swallowed nervously before speaking, keeping your eyes trained on his face as a blush crept across your cheeks. You would have answered, except you were interrupted by a throbbing pain in your side, the adrenaline and shock from blondie's appearance distracting you from your wounded side. You cried out in pain and clutched it in a vain attempt to get it to stop.

The man noticed your struggles and cursed under his breath before scooping you up in his arms.

"Wait! What are you doing?! Put me down!"

"Stop struggling, dumb***, I'm trying to get you home!"

He set a quick pace, holding you close to his bare chest. It was unnerving, but he knew exactly where he was going. It wasn't long before you were stopped in front of your apartment door.

You shakily went to unlock the door, but the man took the keys from your unsteady hands and unlocked the door, bringing you inside. He set you on the couch, careful of your side.

"W-who are you? How did you know where I live?"

You watched him curiously. As much as he should have scared you, this strange man made you feel safe. He handled you with such care.

He scoffed, heading to the bathroom and returning with the first aid kit.

"It's Bakugou, dumb***. Now shut up and rest, you're injured."

You looked pointedly at the ceiling as he worked on your side.

"What do you take me for an idiot? Who are you really? Some weirdo stalker?"

He growled in annoyance and flicked your forehead before sitting back and looking over his handiwork.

"That should do for now. Stay put, I'm going to go find some clothes."

The audacity of this man. You were confused and tired, and in pain and just wanted to wake up from this nightmare and see your little Pomeranian waiting for you.

You must have dozed off, because when you woke up, it was to colorful swear words coming from the kitchen. You sat up, rubbing your eyes as you started to remember your memories from the night before.

The blonde man who claimed to be your dog was in the kitchen, wearing a pair of sweatpants and one of your oversized t shirts. He appeared to be cooking.

You tried to get up and wobbled uncertainly over towards him. When he noticed, his angry expression seemed to fade away one of... fondness? The expression didn't last for long though as it quickly shifted to annoyance.

"What the **** were you doing out so late last night?! You could have been killed!"

You frowned and glared at him.

"I had to find Bakugou!I love him, I couldn't just leave him out there, he could have been hurt, or in trouble! "

He tensed, staring at you with wide eyes seemingly caught off guard by your outburst. He Gaped for a moment or two or before groaning and running a hand down his face.

"You really are so stupid, (y/n). The goal of running was so that you wouldn't find me. I didn't expect you to stay out and look for me like an idiot."

He huffed and stepped forward, trapping you against the counter with his palms braced on the counter top on either side of you. It was then that you noticed something that had somehow escaped your detection the night before. A red and black flame patterned collar was fastened around his neck.

You were struck silent for a moment before your palm made contact with his face with a resounding slap.

"WHAT THE ****, CRAZY LADY?!"

He reeled back, looking at you with shock as you glared at him.

"Me? What the **** is wrong with you? Why'd you take off on me at the park? You had me worried sick, jerk!"

He seemed to pout as he nursed his sore cheek.

"You were going to put a muzzle on me..."

You softened, anger fizzling out at his uncharacteristically quiet tone.

"Bakugou... You have to believe I wouldn't do that to you. You've always been my little spitfire, I would never do that to you. That lady was out of line, if anyone deserved a muzzle, it was her crazy little demon of a dog."

You smiled softly, stepping forward into his space, your hands going to cup his cheeks, tilting his face down so you could look into those intense red eyes that were so familiar.

"You're my hero Bakugou, I wouldn't change you for the world."

His hands came to rest over your own hands, his pleasantly warm against your skin. He seemed to be deep in thought. You just enjoyed the tender moment, watching him realize that you meant every word. Something clicked and then he was leaning in. Before you knew it, he was kissing you. And then you were kissing him back, never feeling more safe than when his arms moved to circle around your waist, pulling you against him.

After a moment, you pulled away, a breathless smile taking over your face.

"I love you Bakugou, I hope you know that."

He gave a cheeky smirk and pressed another quick kiss to your lips.

"And I guess I love you too, even if you're a dumb***"

You huffed in annoyance. This was going to take some getting used to, but honestly? You didn't really mind the challenge.

#bakugou #bakugo x y/n #katsuki bakugo x reader #mha bakugou #katsuki x y/n #mha #bnha x reader

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kristalpepsi · 3 years

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Temptation Stairway Thoughts™ + Theory Discussion

TW: blood + Death mentions, Implied (forced/pushed) integration (systems), racism (against asians), unreality stuff bc the show is Like That, Trauma causd by therapy

TL;DR = I mainly talk about implied integration, n as some1 in a system tht! mkes me uncomfy! I mainly will talk abt wht I’m calling the multi-ena theory (n anothr theory ill call the Multiple/Multi-Enaverse Theory) thts been popping up n disccng how thts kind of the bggst thng keepng me on board! I won’t LIE I might b a little biased bc I rlly do like thise show b I am NOT blind so I will try 2 address som things. I also talk alot abt the Shepard n Phindol bc I love themb so much they make me very heart Big.

DISCLAIMERS:

Obviously Joel G Highkey/definitely/most probbly did not intend 4 any of thise, but media is very complic8d so u cn end up accidntlly making problmtc things or implyng not great things

I hav a typing quirkkkk so if u cant understand my post I rlly dont blame u! I’m sorry how I type is Incomprehensible™

Not an angry post, more like my brain is holding me host-ge until i talk abt everyth dskfjhd!!

DO NOT Send anyone in thise post hate or angry asks/messages or perish by my sword

OK so this recnt episde has me w vry vry mixd feelngs!!! I’m both happy n exctd! b litrlly 2 things is whts bothrng me. While I CLD jst say :I Am Lookng Away: i rlly do need 2 write it down. Under a Read-more bc im secure SKSJ

Part 0: I’m uncomfortable help

The Section wher i tlk abt n bring up othr ppl’s concerns

So fr most if nt all the frnds I hav who also wtch Ena ALSO has a vry “vr vry mixd feelngs now tht I’ve seen the episde!!” mood twrds Temptation Stairway! It’s 4 a bunch of rsns, like thise post (tw racism) mde by a frnd whch brings up a good point

Part 1: The Actual Intro

Episode 1 = Auction day (AD) Episode 2 = Extinction Party (EP) Episode 3 = Tempation Stairway (TS)

Who is Ena

Ena can b describd as an "abstract girl split in half, w 1 blue side n the other is her yellow side!" Each side (emotion/mood, 2 b specific) seems 2 hav their own voic actor credited along with seper8 credits 4 each mood! So far the canon sides r Ena (happy), Ena (sad), n Ena (drunk)! They seem 2 act accordingly: Happy acts happy n optimistc, Sad acts sad n especlly depressd, n Drunk acts confused n dizzy [In the Credits, it would look like thise: Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman, (drunk) Ena by Sam Meza

4 Episodes 1-2, thy follow thise pattern exctly! So we cn expect wht 2 see from them, n each voice actor is creditd accordngly as seper8 b all a part of Ena

On epside 3, Ena is seen as actng diffrnt!! She's suddnly less predictabl! I say thise bc Suddenly, her voic Actors r not stuck 2 Only their sides. Thise is also emphasized when looking at the credit list! No longer is it "Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman" it's now jst "ENA by Gabe V. and Lizzie Freeman"

Happy's voic can sound STRESSED n sad, Happy can tlk w Blue's side in mor control n Sad's voic can sound Really happy n optimistic. Somth's Diffrnt n Not The Same

Temptation Stairway Summary

Skipping 2 my point, The summary of the episode Temptation stairway is tht Moony and Ena have a bet 2 race 2 the Great Runas! The Great Runas, can grnt u any wish accordng 2 Moony n som of those Ena passes by on the wy. The wager, is tht "whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser" (yes it’s phrased like that) As Ena journeys thru, The DIFFERENCES between Ena Temptation Stairway and Ena Extinction Party n Below, is mor obvious as the epsde progrsses, even 2 wher Happy's voic actor is the 1 screamng in agony 2 jst get murdered already. The Episode ends w Moony beatng Ena (but it's 100% possibl it can be the other way arnd, that ENA Beat Moony, b thats somth I'll discuss in a bit L8r). Moony splits in half, revealing that according 2 her, "she wished 2 be skinny" n a humanoid coms out of her previous form. As 4 Ena, Her blue side slowly dispprs n its not answrd why.

Theories so far, are:

Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy (or 4 her sad/blu side 2 go awy. 4 wht reason can b eithr wholsom or 2 Moony's advntge [like so she "doesnt have 2 deal w Sad Ena"]) - b if Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy/b rid of her sad side, tht wld mean perhaps she lied about wishing 2 be skinny (her new humanoid form may be how she is "paying her debt 2 the loser"). Unless the Runas can grant u more than 1 wish.

Ena ws the 1 who wished her blu side awy, whch is a little depressng tbh

If both the above r tru, it may b possibl bc it wsnt clarified (afaik) tht the great runas can only grant ONE person a wish (or more). I think we only get tht implica8ion bc we see 1 (open) door while in the distance, ther r more doors tht look like their eyes r closed. We hav 2 remembr Moony said "whoever makes their wish 1st whch means Ena n Moony can totlly mke wishes @ the sme time

Somhow, turning pure yellow/only happy is how Moony is payng her debt 2 Ena(??) (opposite 2 the 1st theory)

OR If Ena won the race, it can even b possibl 2 consider tht Ena did not make ANY wish, n her debt 2 pay 2 Moony is her sad/blue side removed (I do not subscribe 2 thise)

This info that was brought up 2 me is high evidenc that Moony won the race, n it explains how Moony surprises Ena whn Ena arrives. “I’m The Best and you’re the worst! I wonder who got the hair chest?” said by Ena, is a direct reference 2 a phrase usd by kids when they lose that goes “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.”

“Whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser.“ Might be phrased tht way as a weird way 2 pay 4 ur greed? (Last minute addition from me since some people wld think this is quoted wrong in and outside of the youtube comments)

i'm p sure ther may even b mor theories b i dont rmmbr them OOPS

Part 2: The Implied Integration Part AKA: How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode

TW: Final fusion discussion, medical trauma (Is that the right word)

Disclaimer: This is 100% unintended by Joel G. That’s y the Alternative title 2 thise part is “How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode”

2 GET IN2 the whole Implied Integr8ion part of my Essay™ I hav a theory calld system ena or sys!ena! (Check out my #system ena tag. This is in chronologicl order!) While thers no canon explan8ion 4 how Ena herslf is how she is, she mkes very intrstng n almst good accdntl Sys Represent8ion 2 me! They even show cofronting rlly well! I headcanon Ena as a system bc of the accidentl system!rep, but it explains 2 me y n how she switches! she has triggers 4 when she switchs 2 a diffrnt side, etc!

Ther hav been theories about Temptation Stairway in the past (before the episode cme out) wher ppl try 2 explain y the trailer Looks Like Tht. Besides theorizing abt the introduction of a new forme (I'm ok w just calling it Scared/Anxiety 4 now until 4rthr notic), 1 of the theories ive seen is tht Temptation Stairway's new introduced forme is due 2 being something akin 2 being "integr8d" (probably by force, accordin 2 the OP) (in other words, all her sides merge in2 one) n Ena being devast8td abt it

While tht theory is now DEBUNKED, bc the new forme clearly did not come out bc of being One Single Mind now, the "integr8ion" part of tht theory is unfortun8ly a littl tru

What is Integr8ion?

Integr8ion is not inherently a bad thing. In systems, ther are 2 definitions: "the breaking down of barriers 2 form healthy multiplicity, n then healthy communic8ion n less amnesiac barriers" and the othr, n mor FAMOUS definition bc its the oldest 1, is "final fusion"

Fnal Fusion is when all the members "fuse/merge" 2gether until ther is 1 single mind left. While not necssrlly a bad thng, final fusion n ther4 "integr8ion" is a scry thing 4 a lot of systems 2 talk abt, because in the history of Treatment, Final fusion is uslly somthng forcd on2 systems 4 the longest time :^(

Very valid 2 hav final fusion as a goal, b showng it as a desire n end goal is uslly seen as a sad n even scry thing 2 promote accdntly or not in media, bc of the previous traumas in the medicl/therapy world of system treatment etc

What's Worse. is tht if we apply the Ending 2 Temptation Stairway to the System!Ena Theory, thts wht hurts!!!

Scrolling back up 2 the possibl theories of who won the race and wht happened aftr, Either Moony or Ena wishing 4 the blue side/Sad Ena 2 go awy is rlly painful!

B I'll be honest, thts a RLLY biased n personal opinion i hav!! I've seen ppl think its rlly wholsom altho a bit Sad, tht the blue side disappears. I've seen ppl think its rlly sweet esp if it was Moony who mde tht wish

BSCLLY If I were to hold on2 the System!Ena headcanon while watchng the Temptation Stairway episode, its Hurtful, not rlly bc of the implied Integr8ion of Sides, but bc most top theories r that the blue side disappeard on Purpose either from Moony or Ena wishing her away or involvng the debt! It's like asking 4 ur sibling irl 2 Disappear and cease 2 exist. it's scary n rlly sad esp whn the audienc can c tht Sad, Happy, n Drunk cn almst b seen as their own persons n mite even b abl 2 interact w each othr (as seen by the many fanart of Happy n Sad having their own seper8 forms)

Ok so Now tht ive described my intro n Main Beef w the Episode, here's a theory I cn rlly get behind tht dsnt mke me wnna cry behind a Denny's. Prsnlly it's a rlly relievng theory even if it mite b hard 2 take in

Ther's no name 4 it, som call it the Enaverse, b just so it dsnt get confusd w other definitions (like, u wldnt call it the Marvel Cinematic Universe theory, the MCU is jst wht it is) I'm gnna call it the Multi-Ena theory! Bsclly, there's mor than 1 Ena in thise universe. But I'll get in2 a sub/partner theory tht is also possibl: ther is mor than 1 enaverse n somhow u may or may not b abl 2 travel between them

Part 3: The Multi-Ena theory

Something interesting I noticed was that the shepherds says “another ENA troublemaker?” Which definitely means more than one ENA/person has been there before.

(I blockd out the rest of the commnt not bc it ws bad, b i wantd 2 focus on this part of the commnt, but thise commnt will come up again L8r)

Not connected 2 System!Ena or the integr8ion issue I mentioned earlier, the multi-ena theory seems 2 b 1 of the top suggstd theories bc of many thngs! Bsclly n in short, thise theory believs tht in the series (or Enaverse), ther is multipl ena's! So fr i havent seen a post tht RLLY went in2 depth on thise so here is my attempt!

Evidence:

(See: above explanation on how the voic actors r credited 4 their roles individlly 2 explain my system!ena theory/intro) In episodes 1-2, Ena's diffrnt emotions/sides r creditd individually! In Temptation Stairway, Gabe n Lizzie Freeman r all creditd undr the sme nme, just as "Ena" (mening thise is a completely different Ena from the past)

Again, as said in my summry 4 Tempt8ion Stairway, thise Ena acts compltly diffrnt n is not follwng the sme "pattern" or rules as Ena did in Episodes 1-2! (Read above in my summary section) Either ther r stuff we've missd between Extinction Party n Temptation Stairway, or thise is a diffrnt Ena entirely. I'd hav 2 sy prsnlly tht I'm leanng 2wrds the latter bc of how the VA's are crdtd. but if ur not convinced, let me continu:

When we meet the Shepard in 7:52 of the episode, they say (verbatim) "Arghh... Another ENA trouble maker." which implies there r more than 1 Ena's

9:08 - 9:19 when Ena jumps in2 the "Holy Code" where we head undrwtr in2 a sea of diffrnt doors, we see floating Ena models (n the comment section seems 2 gravit8 2 callng them "dead bodies") (Honorary mention: You'll notic they glitch in2 Mannequins if u pay attention 2 them). This piec of info is Direct Evidence 2 the multi-ena theory, bc ther r Explicitly mor thn 1 ena's on screen! wht's concernng n unanswrd tho, is y do they glitch in2 mannequins? Does tht mean all the mannequins we sw on screen in the begnng of the video (n onwards) were all previously an Ena? Is it only an Ena tht can transform in2 a mannequin or cn othr chrctrs also become mannequins?

Not the strongst evidenc b i'll input it anywy: Ena's Action boxes (Like when she receivs or gives items) spell her nme her as ƎNA (with a backwrds E). The thing abt thise 1 is tht we can't compare it with Auction Day n Extinction Part bc they don't have any action boxes. BUT What we CAN compare is how she is spelled in the dialogue boxes of those speakng in diffrnt languages AND in the Credits! In Episodes 1-2, She's Spelled as Ena with this captialis8ion. In Temptation Stairway the dialogue and credits consitntly spell her as ENA in all caps. May or may not allude 2 her being diffrnt, b i will admit this is the most Strechiest piec of evidnc. Tru or not, I'd like 2 refer 2 Tempt8ion Stairway ena as TS!Ena or ƎNA, prsnlly 2 differenti8 her frm the othr episodes

Pronounci8ion: BUT 2 build on the above evidence, In the beginning of the episode, Moony DOES pronounc Ena's name in different wys a lot, startng w I-NA (ai-na), ENA (ehna), n finally JENA. And this isnt new! She’s been doing it sinc Auction Day (ee-nah/ii-na) n Extinction Party (ay-nah). Thise may or my not sggst that perhaps Moony's inconsistancy is bc these othr pronunci8ions or names cld b of other ena's she's met in the past w similr or diffrnt preferences! I’d say because of her constant switchng in the beginning of Temptation Stairway, it would lean 2wards that she may know different Ena’s @ once. Otherwise, c the Multi-Enaverse theory below

Note: Every othr charctr besides Moony (So far; Merci and the Shepard) Pronounces Ena as ehna (or ehna) so it might be that perhaps Eh-na is the universal way of pronouncng Ena?

Conlusions/thghts on this theory: I prsnlly like thise a lot!! It makes Enasonas Very Possible, b also tht any interpret8ion of Ena cn b corrct or possibl! It knda saddens me tho bc im not rlly sure if we'll ever return 2 the Ena we're used 2, I wldnt rlly want 2 b stuck w/o Sad bc I thnk her role is rlly neat n can b importnt, b im biasd. I also rlly subscribe 2 thise theory bc it means whtvr happend 2 TS!Ena ds not hav 2 be permanent in the long run; Again litrlly the only thng keepng me from gettng supr upset abt the ending of Temptation Stairway, is tht the prev ena’s r not the sme n wld possibly not do thise, or tht ther r othr ena’s out ther besides THISE episod 1, who wld nvr do tht, etc

Part 4: The Multiple Enaverses/Multi-Enaverse Theory AKA The Alternative In Defense of Moony Mispronouncing Ena’s name over and over

An alterntve 2 the Multi-Ena theory, is tht there is MORE thn 1 Enaverse! So bsclly, a multiverse theory. Primarily thise my explain Not jst Ena's sudden Shift in how diffrnt she is in thise episode b may also explain how Diffrnt Moony is actng in thise episode 2. While thise isnt the top theory i prsnlly subscribe 2 (sinc ther isnt explicit evidence besides it bein an explan8ion 4 Moony n Ena's weird/diffrnt behavior), it DOES open a lot of doors 2 intrstng things 2 thnk abt!

Bsclly Moony keeps mispronouncing Ena’s name a lot (in Tempation Stairway) n its Really Rude, esp consdrng she’s always said it properly (As in @ least 1nce in an episode n not switchng multiple times) b4! so 2 Explain her Sudden change in behavior, this is actlly a Different Moony, besides a different Ena. this is a whole different universe/timeline!

LIKE If not multiple Ena's, The different Loca8ions in Ena cn probbly b traversible across dimensions! The Holy Code may b the door 2 diffrnt enaverses. The Shepard's garden cld b an interdimensionl place tht is singular n deals w diffrnt beings passing thru! While i dnt hav mch 2 sy on thise, its RLLY Interestng 2 thnk abt

Like the Multi-Ena theory, thise also opens the doors 2 enasonas being vry possibl :^) Som ppl's evidences r all involvng Moony besides how Ena's rlly diffrnt

Moony can skateboard??

Moony's square shape hole can shrink 2 hold an item

while not strong ATM or frm wht i cn see, its still very inch restng!!! Tho I would sy it is VERY on par w the Multi-Ena theory anyway

Part 5: Honorary Mentions: Mini Theories

The Great Runas is actlly a play on the "Run As" Command! I'm not very Smart engh 2 break thise down vry well, b bsclly w all the allusion 2 "codes" n the Blood ID looking like a Chip, The Great Runas being abl 2 grant u wishes makes a lot of sense! This ws brought up 2 me from a friend (@ambercard)!

like its a command line. so then the great runas being able to grant wishes makes sense if its digital world like all the code stuff says Allows a user to run specific tools and programs with different permissions than the user's current logon provides.

Runas is a command-line tool that is built into Windows Vista. To use runas at the command line, open a command prompt, type runas with the appropriate parameters, and then press ENTER.

In the user interface for Windows Vista, the Run as… command has been changed to Run as administrator. However, you should rarely have to use the Run as administrator command because Windows Vista will automatically prompt you for an administrator password when it is needed.

and my friend who i was talking to said that probably explains what the password was for and the blood id being a login or something?

its possible using the blood id akin to using the run as administrator command since idk their name but one of the people ena met said the blood id didnt seem like her which is like. if she isnt administrator then it would make sense that using that command wouldnt match who she is

My response:

man do u realiz Ena uslly does not hav the corrct passwrd/admin privileges all the tme? Bc the guardian entity in extinction party askd her 4 1 b i guess it ws so Low Game tht it wsnt supr necsrry in the end

The Enaverse is all a computer code of some sort- most probbaly a game! AKA: This is a digital world

... If we were too treat this world as a video game this would make more sense since different play through bus and all that. Oh god this feels like a fnaf situation, taking a video that just wants to be a video and turning it into a big serious thing

Going with the whole ‘there are multiple enas representing the player’ theory, perhaps this ENA realized that she’s in a video game and isn’t taking it too well? But the game is kind of glitching out because of it.

Honorable Mentions: Random Info + Unanswered Questions

Ena seems self-aware of smth! (10:24 Ena screams "YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!") May help the Run as command idea n the video game/digital reality idea! If not a video gme, they sure r Somewhere

What does the Great Runas look like?? is it the door? is ther mor thn 1 Runas?

What is Mariya n Gabo's Job? R they just like the Guardian Entity in Extinction Party but are assignd 2 this part/location of where they are?

In 6:30, wht does Ulysses mean by "Desires r never fulfilled nor quenched"? "You Will fail like the rest of them" Is he referring 2 the other Ena's that's passed by? who else have come n failed?

This Post Also brings up som good points I hvnt noticd yet!

Thise comment pretty much says everythng:

Standout things from this animation:

-This Ena switches between a male & female voice at seemingly random instead Happy speaking with a male voice and Sad speaking with a Sad voice. The text boxes noticeably refer to this Ena with a reversed E, and The Shepard says "Another Ena troublemaker", implying that there are multiple Enas. We also see some Ena corpses flickering into the mannequin bodies at one point. Third, at the end we see Ena's sad half turn from blue to yellow over the course of Ena & Moony's conversation. My personal theory is that this Ena is possibly 'broken' in some manner. -Moony either doesn't care or dosen't realize that Ena's voices aren't matching the personalities anymore. -The grey personality appears to come out when Ena gets too stressed out. Notably the transformation involves the happy half turning into static and exploding out, erasing Ena's face in the process. It also appears that some physical trauma (in this case, Brick Frog kicking Ena) is necessary to exit the grey personality, unlike the previously seen 'blackout' personalities which can possibly be switched by the other personality exerting themselves (in the auction episode, Ena enters her sad blackout/depressed personality, then switches to Happy!Ena, who apologizes to Moony about her depressed outburst). -Moony's hole is capable of closing to hold things, and she also knows how to skateboard. -Judging by Ena's reaction, Moony's transformation at the end is weird even by this universe's standards.

aaaand thats all 4 now! I really hope thats all my brain can think of skjsdhfsdfkh

Feel free 2 send me asks abt Ena theories n stuff! While this is a Comprehensiv post, it’s definitely mor focused on the Multi-Ena theory n my thghts on the episode whn it comes 2 how it affects the System Ena theory. I’m open 2 questions!!

Last Edit: Feb 19 2021 (GMT +8)

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