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#Legolas shitpost
entishramblings · 9 months
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by pointyeared on Instagram
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shittierpost · 1 year
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Since elves have such a long life span, Legolas going on a ~13 (edited from 6, sorry I can't count) month trip and coming back with a dwarf on his arm is the human equivalent of going to Vegas for the weekend and getting married to the first person you meet
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I love the hair braiding trope, but there is some serious debate about whether it's dwarves who have the hair-braiding customs or elves, so I'm here to settle that once and for all.
Legolas, hoping they just seem friendly and doesn't know dwarves have the same hair customs: Hey Gimli, could I help with your hair?
Gimli, hoping he just seems friendly and doesn't know elves have the same hair customs: Uh, sure!
Aragorn, who knows that hair braiding is romantic for both elves and dwarves: ......... WHat
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theidlespoon · 3 months
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nothing, just tolkien originally writing down the hobbit because his son christopher kept complaining that he'd change the details from night to night and then christopher later being so crucial in taking tolkien's notes and turning them into fully written novels of worldbuilding. loving someone to the point of creation and then having them help you finish the job.
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captaintalon · 8 months
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mushroomates · 8 months
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the fellowship at fancy restaurants:
aragorn: literally would not care if he ate gas station sushi at a truckstop, does not see the appeal of fancy but appreciates the atmosphere. likes taking arwen out for fancy food, great at scouting out the genuinely good places, not just the expensive ones.
boromir: will fight you over paying the check. his current move is pretend to go to the bathroom, stop by the concierge’s desk and drop off his credit card there. always gets some sort of steak.
merry: deceptively well mannered. is polite and well spoken. offers to foot the bill (rich parents) but it’s an empty gesture cuz my man doesn’t carry a wallet on him 90% of the time.
pippin: gets like 80 appetizers and dessert. eats a little off of everyone’s plate. likes to order of the “secret menu” and enjoys french fries at every fine dining establishment regardless if they are offered to begin with.
frodo: very polite, has a hard time deciding what he wants. ends up getting several things and either sharing it with sam or giving the rest of it to pippin. all hobbits are incapable of bringing home leftovers.
sam: makes frodo order for him cuz he’s worried he will mess up the fancy names. fuckin loves him some fancy potatoes. takes a pic of the menu and tries to re-create it at home, 9/10 times it’s better than what the restaurant has.
legolas: eats the garnish. orders fancy cocktails and then will lick the salt rim off, eat the lemon, or the entire whole cherry, stem and all. likes to get pretty salads and sometimes will requests dressing on the side but not even use the dressing.
gimli: fantastic tipper. will fight with boromir about who pays the bill. has great table manners. will ask staff for recommendations and just order what they tell him to. not a picky eater, even if he hates it he will finish it all.
gandalf: shows up an hour, hour and a half, late. asks for servers to “surprise him” pays in cash, leaves whatever number feels right of hundreds on the table and heads out before the bill comes. he has been known to both dine and dash as well as tip 80%.
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twicearoundthebend · 6 days
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Imagine going on a cross country trip to share the (mildly embarrassing) news with an adjacent king that your guards lost a prisoner, but when you get there- there’s actually a huge crowd of people who all get called into a massive Super Important Meeting. And the prisoner (who you thought wasn’t like That Big of a deal) gets brought up, and everyone’s talking about how great your kingdoms security is, and how important it is that he’s locked up, and you’re just sitting there sweating buckets. And you have to stand up in front of Everybody and tell them ‘actually he escaped and had been gone for months’. While everyone looks at you with the most disappointed faces you’ve ever seen. What a loser.
And Then you have to go on an even Longer trip with all of these people who’s first impression of you was some cringefail sweaty loser who can’t even keep track of one (1) guy.
No wonder Legolas was showing off every chance he got, he was trying to bring his reputation up from like -100
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scyllas-revenge · 1 year
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Because I think about this every time I go to an airport
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autistook · 3 months
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LOTR + text posts
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lotrlorien · 7 months
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sauronnaise · 3 months
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Legolas: Merry Christmas!
Gimli: Merry Christmas!
Sam: Merry Christmas!
Frodo: Merry Christmas!
Merry: Merry Christmas!
Pippin: Pippin Christmas!
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nevermindigotthis · 9 months
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Elves at parties with humans and dwarves:
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Elves at parties with other Elves:
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shittierpost · 4 months
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The way Gimli went from elves can go fuck themselves to "..if all the fair folk take to the Havens, it will be a duller world for those who are doomed to stay" is insane
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theglassofmiddleearth · 9 months
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Imagine you enter the woods of Lothlorien with the Fellowship.
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Gimli: Stay close, young hobbits! They say a great sorceress lives in these woods. An Elf-Witch.
Y/N: *Smirks* Of terrible power?
Gimli: Tis no joke m'lady. All who look upon her fall under her spell.
Galadriel: *Telepathically* Frodo..
Gimli: And are never seen again.
Y/N: Do not fear little ones. We will keep you from harm.
Samwise: We should be saying that to you Y/N.
Galadriel: You're coming to us, is as the footsteps of doom.
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Galadriel: *Telepathically* You bring great evil here. Ring bearer.
Sam: Mr Frodo?
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Gimli: Well, here's one dwarf she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox.
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The elves of the Lothlórien woods appears with bows.
Y/N: *Unsurprised* Is that right?
Haldir: The dwarf breathes so loud, we could have shot him in the dark.
Y/N: *Stifles a chuckle*
They walk to Lórien
Haldir: *In elvish* Well met, Legolas son of Thranduil.
Legolas: Our Fellowship stands in your debt. Haldir of Lórien.
Y/N: Yep, I love it when he speaks elvish. *She smiles down at the hobbits.*
Haldir: Ah, Aragorn of the Dúnedain. You are known to us.
Aragorn: Haldir..
Haldir: Pethryn.
Y/N: *Nods silently.*
Gimli: So much for the legendary courtesy of the Elves. Speak words we can all understand.
Y/N: *Grins* They are greeting eachother. Be patient my friend.
Haldir: *In the common tongue* We have not had dealings with the dwarves since the Dark Days.
Gimli: And you know what this Dwarf says to that? Ishkhaqwi ai duru- (I spit upon your gra-)
Y/N: *Stops Gimli with her hand and gentle taps his shoulder.* Now now Gimli.
Aragorn: That was not so courteous.
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Haldir: *Turns to look at Frodo.* You bring great evil with you. You can go no further.
Aragorn: *In elvish* We need your protection, the road is fell. Please we need your support.
Legolas: Y/N, you understand Sindarin?
Y/N: What, me solving the riddle wasn't enough for you? *She grins*
Aragorn: *In Elvish* I wish we may come with you. The road is very dangerous Haldir.
Boromir: Gandalf's death was not in vain. Nor would he have you give up hope. You carry a heavy burden Frodo. Don't carry the weight of the dead.
Haldir: You will follow me.
They travel to Caras Galadhon.
Haldir: Caras Galadhon.
Y/N: The heart of Elvendom on earth.
Haldir: Realm of the Lord Celeborn and of Galadriel, Lady of Light.
Y/N: *Smirks to Aragorn.* I get to see the pretty elves again.
Aragorn: *Rolls his eyes*
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Legolas: *Mutters* Am I not a pretty elf?
Y/N: *Laughs* You are the prettiest of all elves Miluir ("Lovely one" in Sindarin)
Legolas: *Gapes in surprise.*
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Y/N: *Chuckles and walks away.*
Legolas: Wait! What did you just call me? Say it again!
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spalahmoon · 2 years
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You totally in love with male characters who have long white hair even if you know nothing about them^^
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madame-helen · 10 months
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