#Anxious-Avoidant

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files: An Avoidance Shared by Two

Was reading this beautiful post and had some thoughts.

**Note**: Will ghost edit later~

In light of the Attachment styles posited by @agent-troi, it makes sense why Scully and Mulder developed their unspoken so early on.

If Mulder is Anxious-Avoidant, then it makes sense why he sidesteps voicing his needs and especially his wants, fearing rejection from his support system (parents, girlfriends, friends, partners, etc.)

If Scully is Secure-Avoidant, then it makes sense why she is able to balance a strong sense of self with the need for reciprocal affection and an inability to show her "weakness" or reliance on another person.

But because she's an intelligent woman, Scully would've realized Mulder communicates more efficiently with his hands and eye contact than with his words. Physical touch doesn't seem to be a problem from as early on as the Pilot; but keeping close proximity to her partner in strained moments that crack her "strength" is more of a challenge (ex. Irresistible, Memento Mori, Elegy, A Christmas Carol, Emily, etc.)

Despite Mulder being her priority since Tooms, it took Scully seven years to resolve her avoidant issues, making peace with her ability to pick the right choice (a fear stemming back to the rabbit she'd rescued and accidentally killed) and truly embracing life for what it was.

And because he's an intelligent man, Mulder would've realized Scully needs to hear reciprocal affection from time to time (or else, like you said, she jumps to Never Again and FTF and All Things conclusions.) Most of his compliments early on were spoken to the wind (E.B.E.'s "I think it's remotely plausible someone might think you're hot") or to other people (Irresistible "pretty woman" and Syzygy's "rigid in a wonderful way", etc.) Never Again was the shakeup that caused Mulder to start making more advances towards Scully (as opposed to Home's rapid withdrawal when she angled his banter more seriously) progressing from "I knew you would tell me if I was making a mistake" to "You're my one in five billion" to "You kept me honest, made me a whole person" to, finally, "You are my constant, my touchstone."

Despite Scully being his priority since One Breath, it took Mulder four years to realize he could lose Scully and begin to dig deep and work hard to prove that he not only wanted but needed her. The real change happened over six years in-- "another life, another world"-- and culminated in an act of impulsive courage that led to their no-excuses-left-to-give kiss in Millennium.

(And isn't it interesting that both of their psychological pivots happened after getting a glimpse of what their life "could have been", i.e. Amor Fati and All Things respectively?)

Lastly, I think both of them recognized the Avoidant nature of the other: Scully had patience when Mulder ran off to the next big mystery instead of wanting a "normal" life with her (The Jersey Devil, bits in War of the Coprophages, Quagmire, Home, Detour, Dreamland, Arcadia, etc.); and Mulder didn't expect but learned to understand whenever Scully pushed him out of her personal walls (the slow build from Beyond the Sea to Never Again, Leonard Betts, Memento Mori, Elegy, Gethsemane, Emily, etc.)

(Sidenote: This dynamic would be yet another layer to their behavior in Never Again: Scully needed affirmation; but Mulder, having never seen or expected this side from her, thought she was gearing up to abandon him. By the end it's all cleared up... but neither is content with their separate but parallel awakenings (my thoughts on the script here, in-depth meta here, and in-depth Typing post here.)

Conclusion?

Not much at this point, but I think the confident takeaway would be that-- really-- Mulder and Scully grew into their own with each other.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

#txf #xf meta #Mulder #Scully #Avoidance Shared by Two #Attachment Styles #loved reading her thoughts #that unspoken #Secure-Avoidant #Anxious-Avoidant #thoughts #meta #xfiles #x-files #the x files #S4 #Never Again #S7 #Amor Fati #All Things #mine

[thesherrinfordfacility]

fr tho i understand why crowley wants them to run away together and run from all of it but he just seems to have forgotten that aziraphale does not cower, he doesn't back down, and he. does. not. run.

and honestly, crowley knows it:

#like yes aziraphale is naive and jittery and anxious about it #but he DOES. NOT. RUN #fucking fights to the last man the legend that he is #theres a reason the demon handbook says to avoid him and describes him as a demon smiter #man is NAILS given half a chance #good omens #just pure aziraphale appreciations here im sorry #aziraphale meta #s1 meta

[theambitiouswoman]

Attachment Styles in Relationships

Attachment styles are the ways people feel and act in relationships, based on their early experiences with parent or guardian. There are four main types:

Secure Attachment:

Healthy: Feeling comfortable with your partner and being able to share your feelings and needs openly. Trusting them and supporting each other without feeling overly worried about the relationship.

Unhealthy: Becoming overly dependent on your partner, feeling anxious or upset if they spend time away, or constantly seeking reassurance and validation.

Anxious Attachment:

Healthy: Expressing your emotions and needs to your partner, and valuing emotional closeness. Feeling secure when your partner reassures you and staying connected during difficult times.

Unhealthy: Constantly worrying about your partner leaving you, feeling jealous and possessive, or becoming too clingy and demanding in the relationship.

Avoidant Attachment:

Healthy: Valuing your independence and personal space while still being supportive and caring toward your partner. Understanding your emotions and expressing them in a balanced way.

Unhealthy: Pushing your partner away emotionally, avoiding discussions about feelings or conflicts, or being emotionally distant and unavailable.

Disorganized Attachment:

Healthy: Recognizing and addressing past traumas, working on building trust and emotional stability.

Unhealthy: Reacting impulsively or unpredictably in relationships due to unresolved traumas, struggling with forming and maintaining deep emotional connections, or experiencing extreme emotional highs and lows.

#healthy relationship #toxic relationship #relationships #relationship advice #personal improvement #personal development #emotional attachment #attachment issues #anxious attachment #avoidant attachment #attachment styles #glow up tips #level up journey #personal growth #self development #self improvement #self help #mental health #self love

[mmmairon]

Please. I don’t want to hurt you.

Inspired by @wyvernne ’s vampluc

#sad and angsty vampire turned against his will and only drinks from animals because he sees himself as a monster #which leaves him incredibly weak and thirsty for real sustenance but he would rather drink his own blood than hurt you #his control will only last for so long! #sorry for being incredibly inactive and unresponsive with asks #lots of change in my life right now that’s leaving me incredibly anxious #can’t focus well so I just avoid things constantly. im sure someone can understand what I mean #oh well #diluc #my art #genshin impact #vampluc

[the-greatest-magic-of-all]

God, Fabian and Riz need couples therapy and they're not even in a committed relationship.

#their friendship is what happens when a teen boy with anxious attachment and another with fearful-avoidant attachment become bffs #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fabian seacaster #riz gukgak #listen i love fabriz and do think that they could be life partners #BUT not before they TALK ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS!!! #i could go more into depth but... only of anyone wants me to #fabriz

[avpdpossum]

me: i know they’re you’re friends and they’re really nice but that just makes them even scarier because i really want them to like me and would be genuinely devastated if they didn’t so it’s just easier to never engage with them and endlessly wish i was friends with them without ever risking being rejected by them even if that means i never actually get to be their friend. like sure, strangers are scary too, but they’re easier because i’m not super invested in whether they like me or not. the people i already like? those are the most terrifying people ever. you know what i mean?

my boyfriend, who doesn’t have avpd: no. no i do not know what you mean. that is literally the exact opposite of how my social anxiety works. i can’t even imagine how that would feel.

#they get regularly baffled by my avpd shit #bc our bad-at-people-ness as socially anxious autistics looks similar on the surface #but when you dig into it ive got all sorts of weird avpd shit going on that they can’t understand #poss.speaks #personal #avpd #actually avpd #actually avoidant #avoidant pd #avoidant personality disorder #cluster c

[skykittywhatchamahcallit]

#having some thoughts about that whole dog allegory i see #where people beg to not be anxious dogs who bite people/removing teeth to avoid biting #but in such a case i've been muzzled my whole life. I need to learn to bite #that i am a good dog for biting #sky doodles #teeth #dog teeth #dog aesthetic #k9 #protection

[conscious-love]

When love is unreliable and you are a child, you assume that it is the nature of love – its quality – to be unreliable. Children do not find fault with their parents until later. In the beginning the love you get is the love that sets.

Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

#Jeanette Winterson #love #attachment style #insecure attachment #anxious attachment #avoidant attachment #attachment theory #trust #trust issues #relationship #breakup #heartbreak #recovery #healing #self awareness #personal development #personal growth #quotes

[courtmartialme]

diversity wins! this war criminal is trans 🥳🏳️‍⚧️

late pride month art for myself because even though riza isn’t trans or even a man in canon(and i don’t even want/need it to be) this AU means so much to me!! getting to explore gender and aspects of transition through my favorite blorbo is great and nice and makes me feel happy and much more comfortable thinking about these things!!! i love riza :)

#fma #riza hawkeye #transmasc riza #i always avoided looking up transition stuff for mysef because it made me anxious as hell but i love learning about it for Him.. #the power of Love

[with-reverence]

Unresolved abandonment is the root of self-sabotage.

Susan Anderson, The Journey From Abandonment to Healing

#Susan Anderson #quotes #The Journey from Abandonment to Healing #abandonment #abandonment wound #attachment theory #attachment styles #anxious attachment #psychotherapy #psychology #self help #mental health #fearful avoidant #dismissive avoidant #heal #self healing #self sabotage #self esteem #personal growth #personal development #breakup recovery #breakup

[d3arapril]

i love all your ellie writings🫶 what do you think she would do if you were mad at her?

thankyou!!! <3

i feel like ellie is the type to who wouldn't really know what do with herself if she made u mad. tucks her hands into her back pockets, leans back on her heels and just stares at u waiting for u to say something and when you just look up from your phone at her like 😐 she just slumps her shoulders and leaves the room

the entire time she's not next to you and waiting for you to want to speak to her again she's biting at her nails and ripping the skin on her fingers bc she's an anxious girly. communication skills aren't her strong suit so she just.... sits until u come back

when you've calmed down and are ready to face her, she's all nonchalant as though she wasn't close to ripping her hair out bc she upset you. she can tell you've cried and a pout forms on her lips when you flop down on the couch beside her.

she'd pull you in and mumble an apology into your hair, leaving a kiss on the crown of your head. and then she'd offer to rub your feet, pay for dinner, run you a bath, she'd do all sorts until you forgave her...little did she know you forgave her as soon as she left the room 😌

#strong believer that ellie is bad at communicating and shuts herself out from everyone if she's upset/worried/anxious #bae has that avoidant dismissive attachment style #my writing #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams angst #tlou fluff #tlou angst #tlou #the last of us fic #the last of us fluff #Ellie tlou

[exclusivelyhomosexual]

Disorganized (aka fearful-avoidant) attachment style is overanalyzing/overcorrecting when you think your partner might be pulling away from you, but then pulling away from them when they draw close to you.

It is both craving AND fearing intimacy so deeply that you grip people tight in your hands lest they leave you, but keep them at an arms length lest they love you.

#disorganized attachment #disorganized attachment style #fearful avoidant #fearful avoidant attachment #fearful avoidant attachment style #attachment styles #attachment theory #anxious attachment #avoidant attachment #relationships #long distance relationship #long distance relationships #ldr #ldr love #queer relationships #queer love #intimacy #fear of intimacy #craving intimacy #secure attachment style #insecure attachment #insecure attachment styles #attachment styles can be healed #attachment styles can be changed #childhood wounds #healthy relationships #healthy relationships are possible

[twinkdrama]

fictional characters exist so people with attachment issues have something to obsess over

#attachment issues #anxious attachment #avoidant attachment #disorganised attachment #bpd #mine #100 #500

[lastsecondsquirrel]

I am so so tired of having the compassion for everyone else that they don't have for me

You're having a bad day? Let me pause my whole life so I can help you with that. Let me give you that book that is so so special to me knowing I won't be getting it back. Let me play along with your cruel jokes, tend to your wounds and carry you across the finish line

I'm having a bad day and I must apologize for feeling feelings in your direction I guess I should have tried harder but I'll see you next time you need something

#vent #rant #parentification #anxious avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #agoraphobia #personal vent #angry #emotional neglect #parentified child #compassion

[simplyjustagirlsblog]

#fiona apple #girl blogger #tumblr girls #girlblogging #actually avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #avoidant attachment #anxious avoidant #anxious attachment #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #just girly things #female hysteria #female manipulator #mystery #mysterious beauty #the female urge #the feminine urge #the female experience #divine feminine #divine female #female experience #femininity #femcel #just girls being girls #this is what makes us girls #pretty girls #hyper feminine #mentally unstable #mental health #possession

[teaandinanity]

I love my character in The Golden Rose so much. His stat screen is basically like

#the golden rose #he's a sweet anxious marshmallow with minimal combat skills who mostly talks his way out of trouble #which makes it extra-hilarious #babble tea (blacklist this for less chatter) #also this game has managed to join the like. four things Ever. where I've liked a human fighter dude LI. #Hadrian is just Very Good #I did have to play his romance on a dude so he didn't start with a clear crush because otherwise the aro Nope fired #but playing a dude makes it opt-in and thus avoids that and now I'm happy as a pig in mud about it #anyway yes this is a game rec