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#(great i made myself sad :c)
mejomonster · 1 year
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I'm comparing xuanji and tantai jin right now in how they handle their "innocence" about romance (just cause they don't feel emotion generally)
Xuanji: completely oblivious, WOULD grab sifengs boner while dropping in on him naked in a bath and DOES NOT care. He's her great friend! And he's fun to make blush! Will also be the first to kiss HIM. Again, she's not really sure why or that it means EONS to sifeng emotionally. But she is glad to be with her friend and it seems fun uvu
(Xuanji later will go onto top her babe but that's later, I'm talking the early parts when she isn't feeling things much)
Tantai jin: I am SCANDALIZED you would touch me. I know you're my WIFE but as my wife you tried to sleep with me to lock me into marriage and I was disgusted by how fucked up and cruel you were so I put you to sleep. Do NOT strip me, don't even look me up and down. I don't have lust or any particular romantic feelings for you, it's not like I'm abashed of sex as I AM an adult who got married and know the fucked up palace shit of behind closed doors. BUT I am repulsed by the idea of being near you, especially naked and sharing that experience with YOU agh, so I Am going to continously insist on Being chaste. Maybe one day I'll want to rail someone, like you said when I feel "love" for someone or whatever maybe... but lmao not your awful ass
Also tantai jin, seeing a demon kiss qingyu: huh... evil powers cool I should eat her. It'd be nice if I could eat humans for power too. Huh... that kind of looks enjoyable? Maybe I'll try making out with someone I don't dislike. (Thinks about his wife who feeds him and would die for him, but there's baggage so he just moves on)
A few eps later: actually... like... would it be Too Fucked up? If I just... DID make out with my evil Wife who wants to kill me? I mean... a kiss is a kiss if it feels nice does it matter if we kill each other later? What if she sat on my lap! What if... I was held in her arms... <3 (no! Focus! She'll betray me! We can only have sex if she's my prisoner or something so she doesn't stab me or sell me out while we're naked!)
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gonguji · 5 months
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giving kabukimono new , alternative endings is healing me spiritually but also killing him innerly :)
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mushroom-for-art · 1 year
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Lmao don't wanna look at this anymore, concept for Shadow Au May if the fic ends up going down the betrayal ending with Syn forcefully impaling her with part of his Synergy crystal (cause rn lmao idk how it's gonna end)
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Betrayal ending (Drabble)
She could feel the crystal embedded deep inside her chest cracking through the bone of her chest piece and ribs becoming intimately woven with her lung, shards of crystal clung and stuck and grew closing the wound it'd created and firmly attaching itself inside of her.
She could feel it growing.
The energy seeping through her veins.
Her eyes burned with the overwhelming surge of energy that overflowed out of her. Even the harsh rain couldn't soothe the burning sensation in her eyes under her skin crawling climbing claiming.
She could only look at him in cold hate even as his voice sang about how great it was now that they were connected that she could understand now why he wanted to share his power with her.
The rain lashed harder.
She could only lift her hands and ready her shadow blades for combat, she had really liked him, she really had. But his voice, once of a friend of comfort of even a lover, swirling in her head through her veins reduced to but a source of despair and hurt.
Unfortunately he had to go, she had to cut out this venom at the source even as the corruption seeped from her wound through her body and pooled into her thoughts twisting her conscious into something more sinister. At least this curse would allow her the power and the ability to cross a moral threshold she'd never wanted to be near.
How hard could it be after all? To kill another mewtwo?
Bad end.
The Drabble was unplanned but not like unwelcome, also the sketch cause I thought it looked okie and maybe even better than the final product face wise but hey go (the rage is in reference to how in my head Mays different possible corruption stats kind of fit the stages of grief so this is anger) also expressive angry fingers hard when u only have two and a thumb. You could see me struggle for eye shape too lmao
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leenesomewhatdraws · 5 months
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Novembmas, Day 29: Home / Fears/Worries !
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Reunion group hug :DD <3 ! I could have messed it up more, this'll do.
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The best way not to come uncoupled is to hold each other's wrist
And yeah, the tunnels still need to be inspected, even if you watched your brother disappear/you got eeby-deebied in those very tunnels
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aothotties · 7 months
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How they help you get over someone
| Eren | Armin | Reiner | Jean|
Word count: 1016
Warnings: Levi is in his 30s, car sex, mating press, pet names (mama), squirting, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex.
“But i just feel so dumb, im literally so stupid” you huffed to your gym buddy, Levi as you spotted him.
He finished his set then sat up and turned towards you 
“Y/N, you're so young. You're going to make mistakes plus you're a girl. No ones mad at you for believing what he said to you and having sex with him” he said plainly 
You always vented to Levi when you were upset and he always found a way to give you great advice and help you through everything. Him being older made it easier to trust him because you felt like he was grown grown and had it all together
“I'm mad at myself. I feel like I'm too old to still fall for the same bullshit I fell for in highschool. Were you like me at my age?” you stated as tears threatened to spill from your eyes
“ I was worse” , he responded, “don't feel bad about it. Its a normal thing for you to be upset that he fucked you then never spoke to you again, youre not the problem. Any woman, no matter what age, would be upset about that. I mean there's some succubuses out there that just smash everyone and don't feel a thing, but most women aren't like that”
You couldn't lie, levi always reassured you and made you feel better about making regular human choices and never allowed you to beat yourself up for making mistakes
You both finished your workout and left the gym. He walked out next to you and made sure you were safe in the parking lot because it was late at night. You stopped at the car and he pulled you into a hug
“You'll be alright, mama. Don't be so hard on yourself” he said and you buried your face in his chest and began to cry 
Even though his words made you feel better you were still sad. He rubbed your back and let you get it all out and refused to let go until you finished crying
You pulled away and wiped your tears on your shirt
“Thank you, i really appreciate you, Levi” you said to him once you composed yourself
“Dont worry about it, i'm always here if you need me” he responded.
You stared up at him completely enamored. You had the strongest feelings for him and had them for a while. You tried sleeping with that other guy thinking it would help you get over him but it clearly didn't work. You just ended up sad and crying in his arms which strengthened your feelings. You were convinced Levi didn't feel the same and you were too sacred to say anything in fear that it would ruin the friendship you have
“Aye aren't you glad you asked me to be your gym partner”, he said trying to change the subject
“yeah , i guess” you laughed as you responded 
“You guess? You know you wanted to be like me, that's why you approached me and asked for my help” he nudged you a little bit as he teased 
“That definitely not the reason i approached you but yeah let's go with that” you told on yourself before you even had the chance to realize it
He looked down at you and smirked as he nodded, “ yeah i know”
He confirmed in that moment that he knew exactly how you felt about him and apparently he felt the same because he grabbed you by your wrist and pulled you towards his car
Levi drove a nice white tesla and you had been dying to see the inside 
He had you in the back seat folded completely in half as he pressed his weight onto you 
His dick was reaching so far inside you that your mind went blank. All you could do was moan his name while he fucked you at a steady pace.
Sweat rolled down his abs as he was sliding in and out of your dripping wet pussy. He was mesmerized by the way you were sucking him in. He was also taken aback at how good your body looked folded under him.
Sometimes at the gym he would make slick comments about your ass but you never realized it was his way of telling you he felt the same.
“Fuck Levi, r-right there. Im gonna cum baby” you whined as you grabbed his biceps 
His pace didn't change and he continued to fuck you all the way to your peak
“Mmhmm mama, cum for me” he said as he watched your face contort in pleasure
Your high flooded over you and you came hard all over his thick cock. You felt bad that you squirted on his perfectly clean seats but he couldn't care less. He wanted to see you cum for him over and over again and didn't care about what happened to his car.
He never let up and kept going until you came for him multiple times. Each time you came a mantra of praises left his lips. 
His pace became more erratic as he came close to his climax. You could feel his dick throbbing inside you as he was about to cum
“ gonna cum inside you mama, f-fill you up real good” he stated between deep grunts
He slammed into you hard one last time then you felt as his hot thick cum spilled inside you. He slid out and watched as it pooled out of you but he quickly pushed it back in with his fingers.
You both threw your clothes on and you stepped out of his car and wobbled as you tried to stand up straight. He laughed at you and shook his head. He put his arm around you and walked you to your car 
He leaned down and pressed a kiss on your forehead 
“Best cardio i've ever done” he stated as he opened the door for you 
You hopped in your car and deleted the other guy's number knowing damn well he did not match up to Levi in any way.
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whyse7vn · 8 months
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BREAKING POINT -
[ ot7 x reader ]
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this is like super short pls forgive me tan twitter tl for context
tan on twitter!!!
8 participants - 8 online
———————————
tae: yoongi pls unblock me on twitter
yoongi: kill yourself
tae: i tried guys why doesn’t he love me 💔
y/n: that was a pathetic try
tae: guess what
y/n: what?
tae: ligma man..
y/n: ligma??
jimin: no way 😭
jk: baby…
namjoon: really
y/n: WHAT???
jin: i’m with her
wtf you guys on about??
hobi: this is a sad day
tae: LIGMA FUCKING BALLS BITCH
y/n: drown
jimin: ur fault tbh
hobi: real
y/n: leave me alone
jin: look you made her upset idiots
y/n: IM NOT UPSET
hobi: cheer up baby ❤️
namjoon: it’s okay tae upsets me all the time
y/n: im fine
hobi: bts song
jk: i know bts
tae: me 2
y/n: i want to stab you with a pencil
tae: watch out namjoon
namjoon: she is definitely talking to you
tae: proof?
hobi: bts?
jimin: i’m gonna bts outta you shut the fuck up
hobi: aw man :/
jk: bts?
jin: beat the shit
tae: beat MY shit
jk: woah
yoongi: he actually needs to kill himself wow
tae: @y/n u 2
y/n: LEAVE ME ALONE
jimin: she’s mad
y/n: I’M NOT MAD
jin: y/n are you still with that scoups guy?
namjoon: didn’t we just find out they we’re together like a week ago?
jk: WE DID????
jin: she moves on fast tho so idk
y/n: NO I DONT????
jimin: yoongi mingyu jk scoups mark wonho minho san all of us
there’s more hold on i’m thinking
hobi: all of us?
jk: say sike…
y/n: ARE YOU FUCKING SICK???????
jin: woah major slut alertttttt
namjoon: shut up
y/n: ONLY LIKE 4 OF THOSE NAMES ARE RIGHT
jk: what
y/n: AND IVE ONLY FUCKED 2 OF THEM SO KILL YOURSELF LEAVE ME ALONE
yoongi: she’s a grown woman
y/n: RIGHT
sorry i’m hot as fuck and pull bitches it’s not my fault
jin: u mid
y/n: ur 30
jin: ok please leave me alone i’m sorry
tae: my body count is also 2
jimin: -2
tae: ummmm?
jk: i’ve killed no one
i could of but don’t worry
namjoon: ??
hobi: fyi she did not deny being with scoups
jimin: TRUE
jk: NO
y/n: i deny it
jimin: too late we know
jin: SLUT
sorry
pls i’m sorry i didn’t mean it pls don’t be mean to me
please oh my god i’m sorry it slipped out
love u
please
y/n: THIS IS NOT FEMINISM
namjoon: it’s okay if ur with him
jk: NO ITS NOT STOP SAYING THAT WHATS UR FUCKING ISSUE STUPID STUPID STUPID
y/n: IM NOT
tae: who have you fucked
yoongi: are you stupid?
tae: no i’m curious
hobi: OH IM CURIOUS YEAH
wow i love shinee
y/n can you please start talking to minho again and then get married to him so i can be at his wedding and we can be forever connected
jk: SHUT UR MOUTH
y/n: you guys know so much about my relationship life it actually makes me want to throw up
jimin: ur easy to stalk
hobi: she’s fucked jk and yoongi
tae: and me
jin: in dreams doesn’t count
yoongi: lol
tae: LOL AWAY FROM ME YOU NASTY BITCH
U THINK UR WINNING BUT UR FUCKING NOT
WHEN ME AND Y/N GET MARRIED IT WILL BE ME KIM TAEHYUNG WHO LOLS IN UR FUCKING FACE
YOU RAT
yoongi: L
tae: no
yoongi: O
tae: YOU FUCKING STOP RIGJT NOW MIN YOONGI
yoongi: L
tae: 6pm seoul south korea apartment block C floor 7 door number 279 a ak47 a man a mask and a fucking dream
namjoon: wow ok that’s great!!
nice vogue shoot btw jungkook!
jk: I WILL NOT FUCK U GO AWAY
namjoon: oh my fucking god
hobi: scottish pride!!
jimin: ???
hobi: was he not wearing a kilt?
jimin: a what?
hobi: killing myself
jin: why they put you in that dirty ass bathroom omg?
tae: dirty shoot for a dirty man
jin: ?
tae: what?
jin: just a bit crazy coming from u
y/n: tae you need to shower
tae: you in love
ha
fucking bitch
jin: do you fuck her or fight her damn?
jimin: right he’s pissing me off
tae: can you leave me alone i’m going through a lot rn
jk: dick
tae: ??
jk: a lot of dick
yoongi: lmao
namjoon: he likes men?
hobi: ewwwwwwwwwwww
jimin: homophobia?????????
jk: yes so he’s going through them
cuz he does not like y/n
yoongi: you say this like every 2 weeks
jk: because it is true
y/n: thank god
jk: no thank men
hobi: thx men
jin: so it’s not jimin?
jimin: what??
tae: i’ve never touched another man let alone sleep with one
hobi: amen
y/n: now that is just not true
namjoon: who cares
tae: I DO
hobi: no one will ever say those words to you
jin: i will
tae: fr 🥲?
jin: LOL
tae: ok kys
and fuck that bitch y/n
yoongi: have
tae left “tan on twitter”
hobi: cuteness overload ^_^
y/n: what crawled up his ass today tf
jk: hi do you need me do you want me do you love me
namjoon: can we just talk about life or like
jin: let me guess trees?
jimin: weed?
jk: OH MY GOD NAMJOON WANTS TO TALK ABOUT WEED
hobi: life is a downward spiral noting matters we are all slowly dying the government hates us money is worthless drugs are all around our water is running out
jk: where is it running out of
let’s catch it
y/n: tae was being super weird right?
hobi: super shy
namjoom: what’s new
hobi: new hair
namjoon: stop
hobi: forgive me master
namjoon: i’m at my breaking point
jimin: breaking bad
jin: drugs?
jimin: it all links back to namjoon…
jk: omgggggg namjoon is this true……..
namjoon: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE
—-
pls lmk if you like the twitter concept idk if i’m feeling her yet but if you guys are i will do more idk trying to be different 🙈
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msdanvers · 1 year
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Do you have any favorite really long supercorp one shots?
hi i’m sorry this took a while!! so first of all you should absolutely immediately read they don't love you like i love you by @searidings (M, idiots to lovers). yes, also if you have read it before. do it again
and this ask made me realize i read a lot of multichapter fics BUT here are some great one shots that are at least 15k words!!
we are what we pretend to be by @c--and--b (T, fake dating, idiots to lovers, do i need to say more)
lena luthor vs. the outdoors, by @jazzfordshire (E, mutual pining, sharing a bed)
don't let her stick it to your heart by @searidings (G, enemies AND lovers, uni professors AU)
an animal within an animal, by @mooosicaldreamz (E, sexiest fic you will read this year)
let all your damage damage me by @searidings (M, soft & sad & horny). gonna stop myself here and tell you to just read all of faye searidings’ masterpieces because they are ALL great ok. thank you
shaken by @unnecessary-database (mutual pining, friends/idiots to lovers, absolutely amazing, got distracted and reread the entire thing instead of replying to this ask)
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copperbadge · 6 months
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[ID: A photograph of a corner of my living room; in front of a white screen, a fake Christmas tree is covered in ornaments. The tree itself is bare branches with small white bulbs on it, and lest you think this is rather sad looking, know that I love this tree because despite its creepiness and slight instability, it is the perfect way to show off my ornaments.]
The tree is trimmed! And with that, we bring National Clean Your Home Month to a close.
Dearborn was unimpressed by my tree-trimming and, after one of the ornaments suffered a tragedy, hid in the coats. She is our resident Grinch, but she's cute.
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[ID: Two photos; left, my hand with palm open, holding a baroque crescent moon ornament. It is in several pieces after I dropped it on the ground, but I'm pretty sure I can fix it. Second image, my coat closet, with two large fabric bins on the floor; sitting on the top bin, mostly hidden by a number of jackets and hoodies, Dearborn the tortie peers up pensively at the camera.]
I didn't get everything done on my cleaning list, but that's okay; I did get a lot done, and I realized stuff like "clean the bathroom" needs to wait anyway, since the HVAC system is in the bathroom and I'll just have to clean after that gets replaced in any case. Meanwhile, I've decluttered, hung shelves, ridded myself of a bug infestation, organized the tupperware, cleaned out the closet, learned how to use a carpet shampooer, and more.
Thank you all for a) participating or b) tolerating my antics or at least c) quietly blacklisting the tag during NaClYoHo; this was the fifth year of the event, and we had definitely our largest turnout of participants yet. I hope you all feel great about the work you've put in and the accomplishments you made!
Remember: if you can't do a great thing, do a something.
Keep the Salty Pirate in your heart year round, and I'll see you next year for Salty Pirates 6: The Winter Scrubber.
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kunikame · 7 months
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the moon and her stars. - lyney
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warnings : lyney has zero rizz (clickbait), i made astral references again im not sorry guys, not quite love at first sight but more the steps made towards it, gender neutral, fluff
w/c : 940
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the saying "eyes are the window to one's soul" is, in lyneys humble opinion, about as true as it can get.
he would know.
while he performs his magic tricks, while he takes a stroll down the streets of fontaine– whatever leisurely activity you choose, he does it while staring people directly in the eyes.
of course he doesn't stare at one person the whole time, his own lavender gaze flies from one person to another sporadically, yet he never fails to discern the emotions hidden behind them.
are they happy? sad? having a good day? a bad one, perhaps? tired? surprised? excited?
he knows.
he watches childrens eyes light up with joy when he pulls their card out of his hat– he observes the couple arguing a few steps away, notices when the brunette's eyes shift from pure sadness to betrayal.
he sees.
which is why he also notices when someone lacks these qualities. if there is no joy, there is no shine– no life behind a person's eyes.
he wonders why your eyes seem so empty when your smile feels genuine.
perhaps you're like him, hiding burdens you desperately wish would forever stay locked up, yet you yearn for a companion to share your pain.
he has his siblings, but who do you have?
lyney approaches you one time (be it out of sheer fascination or simply seeking a change of pace, he's not quite sure) after an impromptu show he put on for some kids in the middle of the street with a singular white rose in his possession.
"hello there, you seem to be not quite enjoying the show tonight. may the great magician lyney be of any service, perhaps?"
he removes his hat with a flourish and bows, holding out the rose as an offering to you.
you lift your gaze from the book you were reading, surprised he took notice of your presence. upon noticing the rose a pleased hum escapes you, and lyney notices a fragment of what one might call 'entertainment' behind your gaze.
"did you know white roses symbolize young love and eternal loyalty, sir lyney? was your approach made with such intentions to be conveyed on this starry night?"
your tone is teasing and amused, and he is well aware of it, but whatever mirth you might be feeling doesn't quite reach your eyes, and so with a snap of his fingers and an elegant shake of the rose, he produces 8 more of them in an unarranged bouquet he hopes you will accept.
"not quite, i'm afraid. i was more so referring  to the symbolization of new beginnings, but if you so prefer i would not at all mind changing the meaning. or the color, if you wish," he says, brushing his hand over the roses, which have now turned a darker orange.
"'fascination', i see," you hum, "interesting choice. is there a reason for it?" you have now discarded your book entirely, giving the blond all your attention, as if hanging onto each word he says, yet seemingly not quite caring about any of them either. it confused lyney, but it fascinated him even more.
"are you aware of what people say about eyes?" you nod, inclining your head slightly, curiosity piqued, "they are the window to the soul. i've found that claim to be truthful until the day i first met eyes with you."
"is this your attempt at wooing me, sir lyney? i regret having to inform you it's not quite working."
"not yet, no. i simply wished to compliment you. your eyes are one of, if not the most beautiful i've ever seen. but, if i may be so bold as to ask, why must you suppress your emotions from being seen in them?"
your eyes flicker away momentarily and lyney pauses. perhaps he might lose this battle tonight.
"i do not wish for them to be perceived by none other than myself. i believe it's better– nobody can use my emotions against me this way."
"why would anyone do such a thing?"
your eyes meet his then, and the world stops. everyone around him disappears and suddenly it's just you and him in this bubble universe you've created– or perhaps you haven't created it, it was simply made for you. you are the center of it and lyney has to fight to find his place (he chooses the one that's closest to the sun– to you). may he crash and burn if he has to, if the universe decides he's meant to, he simply wishes to be as close as you let him. 
if the eyes are the window to the soul– or to put it differently– to the heart, then lyney is certain what you see in his is the adoration he holds for you. even though he doesn't quite know you yet, you fascinate him to no end and he will not stop at the ends of the universe– he will go further and further, as far as his legs carry him, to know everything about you.
he has come to agreement with these feelings of his, they are the reason he chose to approach you in the first place.
he is, however, rendered speechless when your eyes suddenly seem filled with an affection and longing he can't say he's been looked at with before.
"you tell me, sir lyney. would you do such a thing?"
you smile at him then and may the god of justice strike him down where he stands lest his words are lies, but you put the moon and all her stars to shame.
"to you? never."
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ੈ✩₊˚TAGLIST : @sscarchiyo @arkangelee @chrronoir @sleepypengwin @yakshalea @kazemiya @menhwa-pdf @mikctp @gabirii @solxima // ask/comment to be added/removed! (if you're in bold i can't tag you)
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unformula1 · 2 months
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dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)
dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ synopsis: Logan writes a letter to help him manage his feelings, it does everything BUT manage feelings. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pairing: logan sargeant x oscar piastri w/c: 892 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ a/n: this is day FOUR (lando's number) of loscar posts until we get a loscar podium!! some angst today!! might make this a series very much inspired from https://archiveofourown.org/works/54754315 masterlist ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ taglist: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Logan crushes the sheet of paper and throws it into the pile of already crushed papers. He puts down the pen and cracks his fingers, again.
He’s been at this for hours and he hates it knowing he’s terrible at expressing himself and Oscar’s probably not going to even look at this. 
Logan takes a deep breath once again and picks up his pen.
Dear Oscar,
I’m not very good at expressing my feelings but I’ll try my best.
I’ve missed you lately and I miss all our late night conversations, my nights feel empty without them. I miss our friendship and the very long conversations we had. 
When you asked me how I was doing and I said “it’s been alright.” That was a blatant lie. I’ve been doing absolutely horrible. I haven’t seen a good day in months and every morning I ask myself why I’m doing this to myself, I ask if everything I left behind was worth it. Should I have given up?
 I’m glad you’re doing well and winning trophies, I’ve never been happier for you. Remember when your rookie year was being compared to Hamilton’s? That was amazing. 
Great, now he’s gone off track again, absolutely perfect. Logan’s pen left the paper again and he contemplated crushing this one up. He eventually decided against it and his pen tip touched the paper again.
He doesn’t know what he’s going to write anymore but he doesn’t care. He just wants to let his feelings out.
I hate how we don’t talk anymore. I hate how life has to pull its strings on us. I hate how we walk past each other as if we never knew each other. I’ve been trying my hardest, I really have.
I want to talk to you. I want to hear your voice again. 
I’ve been making wishes on every shooting star I’ve seen and been throwing in a penny for every wishing well I’ve come across, just wishing you were my friend again, wishing that I could go back in time and relive those moments in PREMA.
I didn’t treasure those times enough.
Every single time I see any McLaren video, I stop and stare, imagining that it could’ve been you and I. Believe me, I love how you and Lando have developed one of the closest bonds ever and trust me, I think Alex is a perfect teammate. 
But I just wish that we had another chance and I wouldn’t fuck it up this time. I really wish I did.
Every single time Lando calls you “Osc”, it makes me shiver just knowing that I could never be half the person Lando was. I do everything and risk it all just trying to be more like Lando or just someone who you would bother to look at
His mind flashes back to every single time he and Oscar have done anything together, watch movies, do stupid promotional videos, even sad times came back and made him wish he took those moments better.
He tears up slightly, but wipes his tears away before they spill onto the paper. Lando’s voice saying “Osc” rings in his head like an annoying bell which kills him slightly every time it repeats. 
Osc.
Osc.
Osc.
He slams his hand into the table, causing everything to jolt, even getting startled by his own actions. Logan isn’t even on Lando’s level, not even a quarter of the way there.
Lando’s better in every way, definitely much better teammate than Logan would’ve been.
His tears resurface but he doesn’t wipe them away this time, he lets them trickle down his cheek, cling on to his skin at his chin and finally drop down onto the paper, causing a stain.
More tears cause stains on the bottom part of the paper before Logan wipes them all away.
Please…
I miss you Oscar.
Regards Love
Logan
He places the pen down and looks at the letter, which has tear stains, but Logan couldn’t care less. He puts the letter down and folds it neatly in half, slotting it into a brown envelope. He seals the envelope tight, wrinkling the paper from pressing too hardly. 
He takes his pen up again and the tip floats above the paper.
He takes a few seconds before writing.
To: Oscar Piastri
His throat stings from crying. He didn’t even cry for that long but it hurts him. His own words repeat in his head like a knife twisting into his body.
He opens up Oscar’s chat on his phone, his last message being left on Seen.
3 weeks ago Great race :)
He hasn’t even given Oscar a message for the Australian Grand Prix but Logan couldn’t care less.
His fingers hover over his keyboard.
Can we meet sometime soon?
He hesitates about sending it.
Osc.
Osc.
Osc.
Osc.
He turns off his phone and takes a deep breath. 
He sits on his couch and leans back. The thoughts endlessly flying around in his head, like phantoms of his past haunting him again.
He closes his eyes and keeps them shut, imagining whatever makes him feel happy. 
Oscar.
Oscar.
Oscar.
Osc.
The tears squeeze their way past his eyelids and slide down his cheek. It’s a devastating feeling. 
He covers his head with a pillow and keeps his eyes tightly shut, crying himself to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ there will be a part 2 (hopefully) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
88 notes · View notes
chocolatechipkiki · 9 months
Note
I'm not sure if you have ever done a song fic, but I was wondering if I could request one? There's a song called loveletting by V V that would be great for somewhat sad Loki fluff.
I listened to the song and I really, really tried to make this sad but I guess I'm just kinda ass at writing angst? Unless this counts. Either way, I hope you enjoy it!
Loveletting
Loki x Fem!Reader Fluff
W/C: 2113
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Warnings: Kinda sad, FLUFF!!, mutual pining, sad childhood??
Summary: After realizing how you truly feel about Loki, you have an upsetting realization and begin to distance yourself from him. But he seems ever so determined to find out why you seem so down.
*****
"Will that be all, Your Majesty?" Y/N said, keeping her head down in courtesy.
Loki's brows furrowed together at her tone. Her usually bright and cheery attitude had been evidently lacking over the past few days, and his heart hurt for her in ways he couldn't find the words for. He kept his hands clasped behind his back though as he leaned forward slightly and spoke in a lowered voice. "Miss Y/N, is something troubling you?"
The maid's face reddened at the question, and she quickly shook her head. "The Prince should not worry himself over a lowly maid such as myself," she responded, monotone as if reciting it from memory. Loki sighed.
"Very well then, you are dismissed," he replied somberly. 
He sauntered over to his studio room, full of daylight from the floor to ceiling windows despite it being as early as it was. He had planned on showing Y/N his most recent painting, but because of whatever was causing her saddened attitude, she had politely refused to spend any time with him in his chambers recently. His mind played memories of the two of them in there together, laughing and recounting stories from their very different childhoods. He had been growing quite fond of their time spent together.
In truth, he had been growing quite fond of Y/N in general.
But something had changed in her life that she wasn't telling him, and it was driving a rift in between them that was making him go mad with concern. He tried asking several times, but each time it was a variation of the same thing: "I'm a maid, and you're a Prince."
He hated that she was hurting and it felt like he could do nothing to ease her pain. As Loki sat in his stool in front of the near-finished painting, an idea sprung in his mind. If Y/N didn't talk to him still after this, he didn't know if she ever would.
***
Y/N made her way through the palace corridors and towards the kitchens hesitantly. She was hoping that because of the time, Loki had simply joined others in the dining hall at suppertime and would not call for her again. There was nothing she dreaded more than him asking once again what was troubling her. Because she couldn't tell him.
She couldn't tell him that she was in love with him.
She had realized it a few days prior, particularly when they had been sat on the floor of his studio, mixing paints. It was her favorite part of spending time with him, because it was the first thing he ever taught her to do that she would never have learned without him. Her status never allowed her the free time to do something as frivolous as painting, but being Loki's personal chambermaid had allowed her the leisure time to learn even more so than that. 
That day in particular, Loki was recounting something more saddening from his childhood. He spoke of his ignorant father and attention-seeking brother always casting shadows over everything he did. That despite his intellect and wit, he felt useless because all his father cared about was physical strength and charm - both things Thor had always possessed and Loki had lacked. He had everything in his life decided for him, and he never got to leave the palace, and all for what? So he could sit and watch his brother be king?
Y/N had paused crushing a particularly light blue rock into powder to look at Loki's hunched frame as he continued to stir a green pigment into the egg white. It felt like she was seeing him for the first time that day. The real him. Not the Prince or the younger brother or the 'failure' of a son. But Loki.
Loki loved painting and the color green and winter. He loved long strolls through the gardens and desserts and tea. He wanted to travel and learn more difficult magic and marry and have kids. He had dreams.
She had reached out and placed her hand atop his, to which he had paused his stirring to bring his blue eyes to her soft gaze. Y/N's heart fluttered at the pure longing she saw in his eyes - longing to be wanted, longing to be cared for, longing to be loved. Suddenly, she felt all his sadness at once. He had always been alone. Much like Y/N had been, since being sent here to the palace to work. Seeing his longing brought her own loneliness to the forefront of her mind, and her eyes had darted down to Loki's lips before quickly locking back with his eyes. 
He smiled at her and she returned it, before resuming her work at turning the blue rock into pigment. She had felt light and airy for the remainder of the day, until she left his chambers later on for her nighttime routine. Reality had crashed through her.
Although he made her feel special when she was in his personal chambers, sitting in his studio, and enjoying his company, she was a servant of the royal family. She was supposed to wash his linens and scrub his toilets and be grateful enough to eat off of the very floor he walked upon. He could never court her because she was nothing and he was a Prince. They could never be together. 
So Y/N began to distance herself from the prince, starting with only staying in his chambers long enough to perform her mandatory duties and nothing more. He had asked almost immediately why she was down, his brows furrowed in the cute way they do when he's confused. She almost broke her resolution to distance from him immediately just so she could ease his concern, but she didn't. And he seemed to feel particularly dejected, which only made her feel guilty.
The next few days only grew harder as she continued to deny Loki. She began to resent going up to his chambers, as it only made her feel worse each time. He hadn't stopped trying to decipher the reason behind her sorrow yet, so as she turned the corner and entered the kitchens to collect his dinner, she hoped it would be a quick visit.
Y/N waved to one of the kitchen staff, who pointed in the direction to a rather large platter of various foods. There was far too much food for Loki to eat alone, and she wondered if maybe he had a guest with him. She carried the platter up several flights of stairs and down several corridors until she finally made it to his doors, and she knocked gently.
Loki opened the door almost immediately, as if he was waiting for her. He greeted her (which only made Y/N's heart flutter, much to her annoyance), and stepped aside for her to bring the food to his sitting area. After she set the platter down on the coffee table, she looked around to see if someone else would be joining him, but nobody else was in his rooms. As if reading her mind, Loki spoke.
"Before you go about denying my request, hear me out. Please," he pleaded, holding his hands out in front of him as if in surrender. Y/N sighed, but allowed him to continue. "I had more than enough food made so you can join me for dinner. I understand you must be spending less time with me for a reason, and I want to know it. I hate to do this, but if you refuse me, I will order you to sit and eat with me."
Y/N scoffed. He knew she couldn't deny an order, and he was using that against her. If anything, this only sealed her proof that they couldn't be together. She couldn't exactly order him to do anything and have it turn out positive.
So she sat down in the loveseat with the Prince and waited for him to ask. He stared at her with curiosity in his eyes and then smiled. "Eat something, my sweet. I promise it's not poisoned," he joked. But she didn't find it funny.
"With all due respect, Your Highness, I request that you please stop calling me that," she said, looking away from him as she did so. Loki gave a crestfallen look and his shoulders fell slightly. 
"Oh, I-I apologize. I hadn't known that made you uncomfortable." He reached towards the platter of food and plucked a grape from its vine. Y/N decided to grab a small slice of bread, just to keep the Prince from uttering another instance of her eating something. Loki chewed slowly, watching her again with curiosity before getting right to it.
"Y/N," he spoke softly, reaching out to grab her hand. She flinched away from his touch, so he sighed. "Please, tell me why you're pulling away from me. I thought we were getting along quite well, and I do not understand what I did wrong."
The girl felt her heartstrings being pulled. She hadn't meant for him to feel as if he had done something wrong. She only wanted to spare herself the pain of rejection. But in doing so, she had completely disregarded the possibility that maybe he had felt some sense of care for her.
"W-Wha- Loki, no! Nothing is your fault," she stuttered, forgetting all formalities and reaching forward to grab his hand. "I just- I can't- UGH!" she continued, frustration growing at the situation. Why did this have to be so hard?
Loki met her gaze gently. "If it's not my doing, then what am I missing?"
Y/N sighed, realizing that she can't lie any longer. She looked down at her hands that she placed in her lap and spoke barely above a whisper. "Loki... I realized something and it's breaking my heart... Y-You're a Prince, and I, a maid. I've grown so fond over you in these past months, but I can't ever be with you..." 
Loki looked dumbstruck for a moment. Was she professing her love for him? Or was he just that naive? "Whatever are you talking about, Y/N?"
She looked up and met his blue eyes once more. "I-I'm in love with you, Loki... But it doesn't matter, because you can't ever court me. I'm not allowed to be close with you, and we've already broken enough rules by doing things like this," she said, gesturing to the platter of food. Loki took her hands in his suddenly and scooted closer to her.
"Y/N," he said softly. "I reciprocate your feelings. I-I'm... in love with you as well. But what you speak of is nonsense. My father has never cared who I spend my time with, knowing that I will not be King. I would only court you publicly if that is what you wished. But it is not a requirement."
Y/N's heart swelled at Loki's words. "R-Really?" she asked, which only made Loki smile and chuckle. Without another thought, she leapt forward and encased Loki in a tight hug, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "Oh Loki, these past few days have been so miserable without you," she said, holding back a sob. He hugged her back, stroking her hair and shushing her.
"My sweet," he whispered. "Please promise me something, will you?"
Y/N sat up from his arms and nodded eagerly. "Anything."
He reached up and wiped a tear away with his thumb, caressing her cheek in the process. "Promise me you'll tell me from now on anytime something is wrong. You worried me a great deal these past few days, and I wish I had known you felt this way earlier, that way I could have stopped trying so hard to impress you." He chuckled and she joined him, feeling relief and love for the first time in the past few days. She couldn't take it any longer and she reached over and planted a quick kiss to his lips, very much to his surprise.
When she pulled away, Loki looked absolutely smitten. He quickly grabbed her and pulled her back in for a longer, slow kiss that felt like every single ounce of love he had in him was being poured into. It left Y/N breathless, but she didn't care.
They were two lonely hearts, beating as one, in sync for the first time.
190 notes · View notes
allkordelia · 6 months
Text
Keep Me Near Your Heart 1
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Jaenara chewed her bottom lip as her eyes flickered around the room, wondering why so many people had to come. It was difficult to see where her family was amidst the crowd, the last person she had spotted was her aunt leaving the great hall, followed by her great uncle a few minutes later.
Growing tired of the feast, her feet ached from the small heels her mother had forced her to wear, and the dress her step-grandmother had made for her felt tight and itchy on her mid-back. She walked through the crowd, giving small smiles and curt nods to guests who congratulated her on her marriage while trying to find Alys or Alyssa.
It didn't feel like she had gotten married. It felt like another obligatory celebration she had to attend. If it weren't for the guests approaching her to offer their congratulations, it would have felt like any other family gathering. However, there was a tense and awkward ambiance between Jaenara's family and Aemond's family. Everyone else seemed to be having a good time, except for her. She doubted anyone cared about how she felt.
"Thank the gods. I finally found you..." Jaenara turned her head at the sound of Alys's flat voice as she approached. Alys wore a timid smile, her hands clasping the skirt of her crimson gown.
"Thank the gods that you did," she replied, smiling at Alys and looping their arms together. Alys gave a small smirk before she led them through the crowd of guests.
"So..." she eyed Alys as she spoke, then looked away, "...are you...having fun?" Alys asked.
"It's...yes, I am..." Jaenara gave Alys a small smile. "I have met a lot of people...and...um, everyone's so nice, so..." she trailed off, casting her eyes down. She couldn't bring herself to finish the lie she had been telling the lords and ladies, and she doubted Alys would believe it anyway.
"It's a bit draining," she said as they stopped and turned to face each other. "I think I will retire early." Alys nodded with a thoughtful look.
"I think I will too... I can spend the night in your chamber and we can stay up and talk," Alys suggested, smiling. Jaenara smiled back at Alys, grateful for the offer.
"Really? That would be great," Jaenara said, Alys's smile widened before quickly turning into a scowl. Jaenara tilted her head at her friend and reached out to touch her upper arm. "Hey, what's wrong-"
"I hope I'm not interrupting," a familiar deep voice interrupted. Jaenara turned in surprise to see Aemond standing there, she moved to stand beside Alys to look up at aemond.
"Of course not, uncle. We were just about to go to bed," Jaenara said, glancing over at Alys.
"Hmmm, I am feeling a bit tired myself. I'll escort you," Aemond said, his hands behind his back and a placid look on his face. Jaenaea glanced at Alys, who glared at Aemond before looking back at him.
"W-Well, uncle we--"
"Aemond," he said, making Jaenara purse her lips. "Or husband, if you prefer it." He jests as the corner of his lips lifts slightly, displaying a faint smile.
"O-okay, Aemond..." Jaenara started, and Aemond tilted his head slightly to the side, returning to his usual blank expression. "...but I already have an escort." She looked over at Alys with a small smile, and Alys looked back at Jaenara with a similar expression before Jaenara turned her gaze back to Aemond, who narrowed his eyes at Jaenara before glancing at Alys.
"But, it is our wedding day. We must go to bed together," Aemond said, and Jaenara frowned.
"Must we?" She asked, and he nodded, causing her to turn to Alys. She looked back at her cousin with a sad frown. "Maybe she can join us," she suggested after a moment, turning to look back at Aemond.
Aemond spluttered, his cheeks turning a shade of pink. "S-She cannot come to our marital bed. It is profane...and it has to be only us," he said, and Jaenara let out a disappointed moan before looking at Alys to bid her goodnight. However, alys stepped forward, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Then, I will sleep on the couch," Alys insisted, making Aemond look at her, confusion furrowing his brows.
"That is not the issue. Jaenara and I must consummate our marriage together and alone," Aemond explained. Alys furrowed her brows, clearly confused, as Jaenara frowned.
There's that word again. She remembers asking her mother about it when she was getting ready, but she said it wasn't an important subject to talk about at the moment.
"Consummate?" Alys mumbles to herself, pulling Jaenara from her thoughts as Jaenara looks at Alys and then at Aemond, he chuckles low moving his hand to scratch at his cheek below his eyepatch.
"You will learn what is it once you are married, cousin." Aemond chuckled again making Jaenara and Alys look at each other before looking at him, "Now, come along wife." Aemond says moving to hold out his arm for Jaenara to take, I look at him for a second before looking at Alys who wears a small frown.
"I'll see you in the morning, you sit next to me at breakfast, right?" Alys looked at Jaenara again before smiling at her.
"Of course." Alys moved to engulf her cousin who thought as a sister in a hug making Jaenara hug her back, "Sleep well." She says before they pull away from each other.
"Goodnight, sister." Jaenara moves from Alys's grasp to grab hold of Aemond's arm.
Alys wiggled her fingers sadly at Jaenara as Aemond pulled her along, jaenara gave her cousin one last smile before turning to follow Aemond out of the great hall. They walk in silence as he guides Jaenara through the halls toward their new quarters, jaenara glances at him from the corner of her eye from time to time to admire how grown up her uncle has become.
He has grown tall. He looks so different yet his demeanor remains the same, he wasn't the small boy who used to pick on her and put dirt in her hair. He seems more mature and wise. And frightening.
Jaenara stopped glancing at him and focused her eyes on her feet, she counted in her head every step that she took until she was interrupted suddenly by Aemond.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" His deep smooth voice made Jaenara turn her head up to look at Aemond as he turned to look at her.
"Um, yes...it was nice" she replied meekly, aemond hummed before looking away from her making Jaenara chew her lip as they fell silent again for a moment before Jaenara broke it, "How about you? Did you enjoy yourself, my prince?" She asks trying to make small talk, Aemond turns his head to look at her again.
"It was fine. The only thing that kept it from being dreary was watching baelor and corwyn try to out-drink Aeron." Jaenaea hummed.
"Who won?" Aemond looks at her with a small grin.
"Aeron. But, only because corwyn passed out and baelor retched all over himself before he could finish his drink." She grimaces.
"Ewww." She drawls out causing Aemond to let out a soft chortle, she stares at him in awe at how youthful he sounded.
Sometimes she forgets he's just one spring older than her, the scar where his eye used to be makes him seem older. He also looks handsome. Jaenara usually never noticed that before in men, aemond was truly beautiful, so why did he choose her to marry? When coming here she expected him to be so cruel to her, especially after what jacerys told her. Jaenara couldn't remember a lot before, but now little pieces come from time to time. Some good. Some bad. It did answer a lot of questions that she wanted to ask but was too nervous to do.
Aemond turned his head slightly to look down at Jaenara making her catch his eye, she realized she had been staring at him for quite some time now making her look away quickly as her face heated up embarrassed.
Training her eyes to her feet again, after a moment she glanced back to look at him to see him smirking with a smug look. Jaenara cast her eyes away and looked ahead as they turned the corner and two knights came into view as they stood by a door.
"Ser Krey. Ser Ashford." Aemond spoke making the knights turn their heads to look at them.
"My prince." They said in unison bowing their heads at him, the knight with dark black hair poking out from under his helmet lift his head catching Jaenara's eye.
His green eyes widened a bit making her give him a curious look as to why he was staring at her like that, did she have something on her face, she wondered. She moves to brush her cheek with her hand before dropping it to her side, the young knight blinks at her before casting his eyes somewhere else.
"This is princess jaenara velaryon," Aemond introduced her, "My wife." Jaenara looks at him as he stares down at her with a small smile making her mirror him before he turns away to look at the knights again, "Is our chamber ready?" He asks causing the older knight with a brown beard with a flicker of grey in it to answer.
"Yes, my prince." Aemond hummed.
They stood silent making her glance at Aemond as he stared at the door as if waiting for something, jaenara glanced at the older knight as he cleared his throat before casting his eyes over to the young knight who was sneaking looks at her.
"Ser Krey." The knight known as Krey looks away from Jaenara to the other knight.
"Hmm?" Ser Ashford motioned to the door making a look of realization dawn on Krey, "Oh, yes, sorry." He mumbled as he stepped from his post and opened the door for Jaenara and Aemond.
"After you, dove."
She looked at Aemond slightly surprised at the nickname, a warm feeling crept up to her chest and spread up her neck to her cheeks, he stared at her with a patient look waiting for her to go ahead. She cast her eyes away from his intense violet eyes before she pulled away from him and held the skirt of her white gown as she saunter ahead not before looking at Krey whose eyes were focused on the floor as she passed him.
Jaenara stopped midway in stepping inside standing at the edge of the threshold and looking in awe at the spacious room, this was to be my new apartment, she stepped in further spinning as she looked around the room.
She turns to look at Aemond to find him whispering to Krey, the young knight downcast with an expressionless look. When he lifted his eyes he looked right at me making me look away, she went back to admiring the decor of the apartment taking in the lit parlor.
"Do like it?" Aemond asked making her turn around to see him walk towards her, the knight was gone and the door was closed leaving us alone. Together.
"Oh, yes it's lovely." Aemond hummed with a small smile as a look of pride played on his features.
"Mother thought the dark colors would be too much," He said looking around, jaenara followed suit as she took in her surroundings.
"I prefer it, it reminds me of dragonstone a little bit." She looks at him at the same time as he looks back at her.
Aemond hummed with a nod, "Well, let me show you to our chamber." Aemond took her hand guiding her toward a double door with two handles shaped in the form of two dragons, he let go of her hand and pulled the doors open before stepping aside to let me go in.
The chamber was nice and lit as Jaenara looked around the room, she passed by a sette to the wardrobe on the wall just by my bed and opened it seeing multiple gowns in different colors mostly green that didn't belong to her.
She felt a tug on her back making her turn around to grab Aemond's wrist as he tried to loosen her gown, he looked at her amused as she looked back at him startled.
"What are you doing," she ask unsettled.
"Helping you out of your gown, you can't go to sleep in it, can you?" Aemond raises his brow at her
"I...I usually have a servant do it."
"Well, we could wait but that would take a while since all the servants are still at the celebration and I know how tired you are." Jaenara frowns in thought, she doesn't think she can wait, my feet are in agony, and every second she's in this dreadful gown is like having a needle stab her in the ribs.
Jaenaea slowly let go of his wrist making him smile at her before motioning for her to turn around, she did what he wanted as she waited for him to untie the gown, she looked for a nightgown to wear to bed. Her hand shoots to her chest stopping the gown from sagging and falling onto the floor, he moves on to loosening the corset as she takes the first nightgown she sees and she stares inside the wardrobe trying to ignore aemond.
"...there." He finally said, jaenara held the nightgown to her chest as she turned to look at aemond, but his eyes weren't looking at her but rather somewhere else.
"W-Where can I change?" She asked meekly making aemond clear his throat and glance at her before looking away.
His throat contracted as he pointed over to the other side of the room making me turn my head over to where he was pointing to see a screen divider, a soft sigh escaped her as Jaenara shuffled over to the screen quickly still feeling Aemond's eye on me. She threw the nightgown on the screen and took my heels before pushing my wedding gown down so it could land on her feet, she did the same to the corset and took her nightgown and slipped it over her head and through her arms before pulling it down making it fall to her knees. She left her gown and heels on the floor as she stepped out, her hands were finished unbraiding her hair so it could fall loose on her shoulders when she saw aemond already in bed with no tunic.
She turns her back to him when he smirks at her, why was he wearing no tunic, jaenara'a thumb goes to her lips as she bites her nail. She doesn't know what to do, she understands she must share a bed with him, they are husband and wife after all, but why is his tunic off? She doesn't know what to do, what should she do.
Think, Jaenara. Think, Jaenara.
"Oh, sweet wife. Are you coming to bed?" His words sounded taunting to her ears, jaenara looked over to the door in thought, maybe she could sleep on the couch, "Come to bed, jaenara. Or do you want me to tell your mother you're being a bad wife?" He taunts her again making her grimace at the door, the last thing she wants is for her mother to be angry at her.
Jaenara slowly turned around my eyes focused on the ground as she ambled around the sette to go over to the bed and stand by the space beside aemond, before she could move the covers aemond did it for her making me stare at the white sheets. She slowly climbed up on the bed pulling the covers over her legs and abdomen before laying on my back, she turned my head to the window across from her to see how dark it was outside.
Suddenly, the bed shift made her turn to look at Aemond before looking away when her eyes caught his nake back, she trained her eyes above as aemond moved around. Before she knew it the canopy surrounded the bed, she glanced over as aemond pulled the curtain back to get in bed again making to look away. Aemond settled in next to me she could feel his arms press against her own as he lay down.
She closed her eyes hoping sleep would find her, but as she lay there aemond shifts in the bed.
"You don't know what consummate is, do you," Aemond spoke in the dark making her stay silent, a chuckle filled the air between them, "I'm surprised you didn't ask, you were such a...curious little bird, swan." She open her eyes and turn to look at aemond, the light coming through the slit of the curtain made her able to see him laying on his side watching me.
"How do you know about it," Jaenara asks.
"The maester, mostly. But, I have been to the tapestries and among other places to know what I have to do." She nods slowly before looking away, "...I can tell you if you want," he says, she drags her eyes from the covers to him, and her throat constricts as she thinks.
"...why would you do that?" She asks meekly.
"You are my wife, why wouldn't I?" Even though it was dark her eyes looked over to Aemond's missing eye, she looked away when aemond shifted in the bed next to me, "...what happened to me doesn't affect you, it was your brother who did it, not you."
"Yes, but he is still my brother nonetheless. His sins are my sins." Aemond made a sound of disagreement.
"No, his sins are his sins, I hold no ill will towards you, dove." She sighs.
"My brother was protecting me, you would have done the same if Helaena was in my spot, would you not." Aemond was quiet, jaenara looked over at aemond as he lay on his side with his elbow keeping him up, she hoped she didn't make him angry, "Aemond?" She whispers gently calling out for him.
"...you are right I would have done way worse, but I still stand by my words, you shouldn't feel obligated to hold your brothers's sins. Not when they don't share your blood entirely." His words burned her ears, she sat up leaning against the headboard glaring at him through the dark.
"What does that suppose to me." She snaps.
"I think you know--"
"No, I don't." Jaenara resorted, her anger was slowly peaking she shouldn't let herself get angry, her brother warned her that aemond would do this, "....whatever I'm tired going to bed." She scoots back down on the bed and turns her back to aemond, she puts the cover on her chin as she closes her eyes to go to sleep.
"Jaenara." She stayed silent, "Jaenara, do not be like this...we still need to consummate--"
"You can do it by yourself." She resorted, it was quiet for a second before she heard aemond chortle making her furrow her brows.
"...silly dove, it must take two to perform this ritual, you must think of it like dancing...but in bed." Jaenara stayed quiet thinking, she was curious to ask more about it but her anger outweighed her curiosity, she wasn't in the mood to talk to him not after what he said, this night had already dragged on long enough all she wished was it to end.
"...jaenara, sweet dove..." she felt his hand grazes her arm, "...do you want me to apologize for what I said." He asked she remained quiet, there was no point in asking that if he wasn't going to mean it, "...jaenara, I'm sorry for what I said, I should have never said it."
"Yeah, you shouldn't have," Jaenara could feel the heat radiating off aemond as he moved closer.
"Can you find in your heart to forgive me, sweet dove?" She didn't reply she had two things nagging at her to go to sleep and ignore aemond, she growled lowly moving to lay on her back, and stared up at the bed.
"Why do you keep calling me that," She asked.
"What? Dove?" She nodded her head but when he didn't answer she spoke up.
"Yes."
"Oh, well...you remind me of a dove," he says making her turn her head to look at him.
"How so."
"Well, doves are considered kind and loyal birds, and you...remind me of them. You are sweet and loyal and  trustworthy and beautiful, that is why you are my sweet dove." She blinked dumbly in the dark speechless, he thought that of her, he thought she was beautiful.
"You think I'm...beautiful?" She turned to lie on my side.
"Of course, I do...who wouldn't your beauty outshine all the maidens in the seven kingdoms." He says, "You will have to be a fool to ignore it, but that is not why I wanted to marry you. It was your kindness that drew me, I will always remember what you did for me when I was a boy."
Jaenara knew what he was talking about, aemond and her don't share a lot of memories, not good ones anyway, but there was one time when she was young and aemond lost his egg. The poor baby wasn't strong enough and aemond was very upset about it the entire week, nothing could have brought up his mood, not sweets or new books not even going dragon riding with baelor. The boy was dolorous and aegon along with some of their other cousins didn't help when they picked on him about it, he took to spending his time alone and away from everyone. She always felt bad for him when she saw how sad he was about his egg, she knew how he felt. So, when his tenth nameday came around, she was given an egg by her aunt rhaelle and uncle when they heard her egg didn't hatch.
She gave up her egg to him as a gift, and he was shocked, to say the least when she gave away her egg. Jacerys along with their cousins and aegon said she was stupid for doing it. But, she didn't care she wanted aemond to be happy, not sad anymore, and he wasn't.
"I'm surprised you remember that," She said. 
"How can I forget it, you were the only one besides helaena and my mother who showed me any lick of kindness." Jaenara looks away shyly.
"I did what I felt was right, it was nothing," She says.
"You have no idea how wrong you are, sweet dove." He whispers back in the dark, "I want to show you how grateful I am that you showed me such kindness." He says as he moves to crawl over her.
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skadee · 8 days
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𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘦
[ blade x f!reader ] blade in his feels, hurt/comfort, only you can bring dawn after his twilight surrounds
• now playing;; lapalux — without you
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blade felt suffocating, yet again, in a dream that never started, just sucked him in, in a dream that was truly ancient and real, that surely must've been there since eons. and it chose him, and it had him, and had him, and had him and got him tied up.
the dream was of nothing, it was just of the feeling of something filling everything around you, it was just the sea, the great sea, sea of something only he could experience.
first, it was the great sea of pain. then it got dull, and now it's an abyss of nihility. absolute indifference. absolute silence. blade is silent, he is indifferent to everything and everyone surrounding him. he moves amongst crowds and swords and stars slowly, unhurriedly. and yet, and yet there are times and places where there is a storm raging and throbbing in his chest, cracking his ribs, squishing his soul into a great mass of agony of the remembrance. such a storm can only corrupt. c o r r u p t.
right you by force to suck you in
is existence in such corruption and state even worth space? is it worth the bloodshed? worth the energy, time and impacts he made throughout those eternal decades, centuries? blade does not know. sometimes, it is better to not know. it is better to not think too much about eternity he has in front of him, and which he despises and wishes to destroy. it seems, however, like there is someone for whom this existence is the very pure reason of why the world keeps spinning. there is someone who needs his existence. (his protection, no—)
to pull you under, tight
he shifted, silky sheets heavier with bits of sweat, his hair a mess, his hands gripping the soft blankets, his leg twitching uncontrollably at the memory of centuries without death and—
and ren hears your soft sigh, as you shuffle, your arm moving closer in his direction, in search of him. it has scars and well built muscles from fighting alongside him for such a long time. he blinks shock away from his crimson pupils.
you. you who stood beside blade, if he was in wrong or right, in light or shadow, by day or at night. it is you who needs him. and try as he may, sooner or later the conclusion comes that he needs you too. in such a vulnerable state you find him as you slowly open your eyes, which blade guesses are still heavy with sleep and unconsciousness. you're small next to him, more slim, valley of your hips wider than his but with thinner shoulders and prettier chest, prettier thighs. his shaky (but powerful) hand finds its way on your waist, where it belong. you huff.
"you up?" your voice embraces him.
"as you."
he hates that you notice that something is, in fact, not in its usual condition as you move even closer, your upper body touching his ribcage, your very warm breath tickling thin skin on his neck, arm thrown over blade's body. he turns head to you, you tilt yours. your lips drown in his in an act of a soft kiss. he stole so many of your kisses by now.
"blade" you yawn. "you should get some rest."
he licks over his teeth, stares up at the ceiling.
"didn't try it yet" the answer is dry.
you roll your eyes, opening your thighs so you can sit on his waist and snuggle into his hard chest.
"what is bothering your little brain?" you ask, making him close his eyes for a second.
when he opens them again and looks into your very own soul, it feels as if you're staring into two vast red pools, with sadness glowing in them like little fish.
"blade?"
"i regret making you depend on me" he lets out, his lungs doubling in size and then going back to normal when he sighs. "and making myself depend on you."
"so dark, as usual" you click your tongue. "the overthinking."
"it is not overthinking, it is more of a realization. i will not be having you for long in my life. instead, it will be more of a blink."
you smirk, your fingers tracing his sharp jawline.
and your words are engraved in me, so long as guilt resides here
"that is true." you admit. "i won't live forever."
blade bites his tongue, the sudden tide of sadness too much to handle. for now. for now, for this night, he asks for your comforting hold only.
even if you do not live forever, he does. he does live forever for both of you. for every comrade and enemy he lost over these long millenniums. out of all the things he forgot, there are some he may never lose. one of them is you. right? it must be you. you brought so much difference to his life, so much change. that chance mustn't be mashed into one with the mud.
come to the walls and writing, without broken hearts imprinted beside me
he knew love once. some part that is within him now, knew love once and once was enough. but you came and crushed the thesis down. once was not enough for his soul. he now chose you, you over peace, you over hatred and not caring. you became the one he dreamed to kiss.
"blade."
his lips ghost over your forehead, in an angelic manner. it's funny. you laid with the devil and now it feels like the heavens guest you.
"blade, i love you" you say, your voice weak and shivering like a leaf, but the idea strong and unmoving.
i do not want you to leave me
he will never (maybe) say it out loud to you, but he wishes he never met you, he wishes that in every other universe his sword pierced your heart before you could ever say your first words to him. just so he could never know your love, because he is aware of the fact you will be gone in a few years, or maybe less, and he will be alone, without you, without you, and the dreams of the sea cycle will repeat, this time, however, without you to steal yet another kiss from his dry lips.
i do not want to leave you
will this love ever be gone with time?
you squeeze his hand, you intertwine your fingers with his.
"you clearly do" he answers you, his voice stoic, filled with something you can't put a finger on yet. "i do not love you as visibly, i feel."
"you love me enough to show me your tears, ren" you lean forward and kiss away demons, nightmares, droplets from the sea of the dream.
you kiss away tears at his cheek that, in fact, appeared there some time ago. blade didn't notice. he does not make any deal out of it. he is tired, and he is with you.
i do not want you to leave me. i do not want to leave you.
his lips dance on yours for twenty eight seconds.
"i love you much" he promises, and you trust.
he kisses your eyelids, and you sleep again.
@skadee 2024
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theseawakes · 1 year
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This Is Me Trying (Doctor Strange x teen!reader)
summary: you received your report cards with bad results and you don't want your dad finding out about it.
warnings: hurt/comfort, bad grades, mint choco (?), strange is a good dad (lmk if I missed anything)
a/n: this is definitely not a self indulgent fic i projected myself onto.
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You slammed your door shut before sliding against it, bringing your knees close to your chest. Heaving out your breath, you pull your report cards to your lap after crossing your legs, looking at them with sorrow in your eyes. You're not sure why you're sad and upset when you should've seen it coming the moment your teacher looked down at you with a frown on her face.
"Your grades dropped." You blanked at your teacher's statement, processing the information.
"Oh," you breathed out after a beat.
"Almost falling, hun." A sigh escaped the lady's lips, she clasped her hands in front of her on the desk. "What's gotten into you, Y/N? You were a bright kid. Gifted even. I don't want your potential to go wasted just like that. You could go to one of the best universities –"
The rest of it was blurry. You couldn't focus on your teacher's lecture as your head felt like being in a giant ringing bell. You cautiously re-read the cards in your hand. It was littered with C's, a few B's, and a D. If you could wish for a miracle, you'd wish you could change them before your father sees it. You ran your hands through your hair roughly, dropping the papers as a result.
Being enrolled in a widely known school filled with future geniuses has its perks. Especially when you were a child of two famous surgeons. Expectations were a friend you made inside your mother's womb and they'll follow you until your dying days. Then your dad became the sorcerer supreme, and then the universe was at stake, and then you got blipped, and when you came back your mother was presumed dead. It all happened in a blitz. All of a sudden, you're living in a new era, and people are adjusting. You are adjusting. Yet you never quite remember when does adjusting felt this hard.
You were great. Oh boy, were you great. You were always at the top of your class– at least in the big 3. A good friend and student. The perfect child. Your parents didn't force you into being one, no, it just happened. Since the first time you got first place in your kindergarten and people praised you, you felt the need to keep it up. You were so ahead of the curve that it became a sphere, and now you ended up falling behind your classmates. Focusing was hard, the tests were hard, and you barely even made any friends after going back to school after the blip. Plus, you've been taking mystical arts lessons from your dad. You were too busy trying to clean your rusty wheels.
A gentle knock pushed you out of your thoughts. "Kid, you're in there?" Your father's voice broke in.
"Yeah," you answered. When did your voice become so hoarse? You didn't even notice tears rolling down your cheek, which you quickly wiped before opening your door that reveals Stephen Strange leaning on the doorway. "What's up, dad?"
Stephen furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you okay? Were you… crying? What happened?"
You mentally cursed yourself. He doesn't know about it yet. Your dad asked if you wanted him to come with you to take your report cards, but you denied it and said you'll be fine. Thankfully, he wasn't stubborn like he always was on accompanying you and said he'd go to the store instead and hadn't returned yet when you got to the sanctum.
You shook your head. "Nope, why would I be?"
The former sorcerer supreme peeked through your figure that blocked the door and saw papers on the floor. "Is that your report cards? How was it?"
Before he could go on more, you closed the door behind you. "It's, uh, nothing you should worry about." You offered him a tight smile.
"Are you sure?"
"Yep. I'm fine. So, could you please go somewhere else? I gotta do something."
"You sure you're alright?" Your father asked once again, only having you push him away from your room in response.
"Yeah, yeah, totally."
Anyone could've been fooled by your smile and words, but Stephen was your father, he knew something was wrong with you. So he opens his mouth to speak again. "No, there's something wrong, I know there is. You sure you don't wanna talk about it?"
"I'm sure, dad. A hundred percent sure." You emphasized every word in the last sentence.
"Really? You know you can tell me the truth. Was it your report cards?"
"No, dad, I'm fine! Just go, do you hear me? I don't wanna see you now! Just– just leave me alone… please." You didn't realize you had been screaming until you saw the surprised look on Stephen's face. Retreating to your room, more tears stained your eyes as you left your father frozen in his place.
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Pacing in his chamber, the sorcerer's mind traveled to exactly an hour ago when he had a little argument with you. It's no lie that he's worried about you judging by the look on his face. His parental instinct wanted to knock on your door again and make you feel better like any parent would, but he decided to give you space, no matter how worried he was.
After the death of your mother, who won child custody back then, you immediately got swooped under Stephen's wings. It wasn't hard to warm up to him since you already spent time together often before the car accident he had which led him to protect the world. You even met Christie Palmer, your father's lover back then. You went through the grief of losing your mother with him. Though through the grief he did, he no longer loved your mom as much as you do, but you don't blame him for that.
On the other side of his door, there stands you with clammy hands gripping a sheet of paper with your grades written on it. You didn't think it would be a good idea to tell Stephen about your report cards. He, like any other, probably would just be disappointed in you. But you don't like lying to your dad, especially when he's the only person you have left (aside from Wong, whom you had been getting closer to). You couldn't stay mad at him, and you had no right to say things that could hurt him. Mustering up your courage, you brought a hand to knock on the door.
Stephen opened his door right before you knocked on it. "Y/N?" he asked softly.
You pulled your hand back to your side. "Dad," was your reply. Neither of you said anything, just eyes looking fondly into one another's. "I, uh… I'm sorry for yelling at you… and lying to you," you said thoughtfully even though you were holding back tears. Pushing the papers to his hands, you continued, "you were right, it was my report cards. It turns out that I almost failed this semester." You watched Stephen read the paper in his hand, not even changing his expression in the slightest. This made you bite your lip out of habit. "But don't worry! I passed! I just… I wasn't on top of my class, far behind, actually. I know you're disappointed –"
"Who said that I was?" Stephen cuts you.
A sigh escaped your lips. "No one. I thought you would be since anyone else is." That's the truth. You could see that your teacher was disappointed in you, and the look on your classmates' faces just screams disappointment.
"Kid, you could never disappoint me," Stephen exclaimed, a small yet visible smile on his face. "Adapting to a new life isn't an easy task. I know everything seems to go so fast, believe me, I've been there. Yet you're able to survive to this day. Not everyone could, y'know."
You lowered your head, averting your gaze to the floor so that your dad won't see your tears. "I'm trying. All I want is to get my old self back. To be a bright kid again so that I could make you proud."
Stephen frowned when he heard your confession. His large, gentle arms pulled you into a side embrace. You cried silently against his chest, a hand covering your eyes whilst another was around your abdomen. To say Stephen Strange was an affectionate person was something arguable, but there's no denying that he loves his child to bits and won't stop reminding them of it.
"You'll forever make me proud, little star. Don't forget that." A kiss was planted on the crown of your head. "I'm sorry I was being persistent as well before. I should've let you tell me when you're ready."
You rolled your eyes. "You being persistent is something new?"
The sorcerer chuckled shortly. He pats your back as you wipe your tears, smiling alongside him when you break the hug. "Since you know I am persistent. Let's go to our favorite ice cream parlor." Stephen puts an arm around your shoulders and drags you along to the front door.
You narrowed your eyebrows. "Why would you need to be persistent to ask me to go eat an ice cream?"
"Because you, child, are my offspring," said your dad, opening the front door and bowing mockingly. "After you."
Playing along, you bowed back, earning a smile from the man who soon placed his arm around your shoulders again, walking with you instead of dragging you this time. "What flavor shall we get today, my child?"
"I do not possess the knowledge, dear father. What do you think we shall taste today?"
Stephen hummed. "How about mint choco?"
You snorted. "You mean the toothpaste?"
"Hey, it's good!"
"What's good about eating toothpaste?"
"Don't act like you've never eaten toothpaste before."
"Well, it's not like I did it on purpose!"
"Oh, you will."
"What do you mean I will?" Your question was met with a smirk. "Dad, what does it mean?"
"The last one who arrives at the parlor gets to eat toothpaste on purpose!" He quickly says before running through the street.
"Hey! Wait for me!" Wasting no other second, you zoom toward where your dad is headed.
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"Enjoying the toothpaste?"
Stephen turned around to see you raising your eyebrows while licking your favorite ice cream. "No thanks to you." He glared at you as you happily took the seat next to him. His nose scrunched when he took another bite of his ice cream. "This thing actually tastes like toothpaste." A sigh of defeat was exhaled by the former sorcerer supreme.
You punched the air in victory. "And the winner goes to… drumroll please," you cued your father who lazily starts to drum on the handrest. "Y/N Strange!"
Your dad ruffled your hair, causing you to protest for ruining it. Stephen couldn't help but smile at one particular memory that flashed through his head. A memory of you two sitting on the same bench, eating the same ice cream from the same parlor years ago. He realized that it has been quite some time since the last time the two of you did something like this. The last time you were just a kid, barely even a teen. When did you start growing up so fast?
"Thank you, dad." Your voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "For being proud of me, for cheering me up, especially for letting me win."
Your smug smile was being returned with a poke on your stomach. Stephen only laughed when you scooted away from him a bit. Nevertheless, you scooted back after feeling he won't tickle you entirely.
"Anything for my dearest demon child."
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jinruihokankeikaku · 2 months
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2024.03.21: Ten Years (At Least!)
「夢はつまり 想い出のあとさき」 ―井上陽水、『少年時代』
Well, here we are. I started this blog (under the url "aelphvyne") on 21 March 2014, making today the blog's 10th anniversary. The blog has changed a great deal, I think, as have I, in many ways, over the past decade; but, in many ways, I really haven't.
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(me c. May 2014 / me c. today)
This blog has changed my life in a lot of ways, which feels weird to say, but it's true. There are a number of people I'd never have met were it not for our Posting on here - I won't tag anyone to avoid being obnoxious, but! I'm really glad I met you! Sincerely! A number of ideas i never would have encountered (for better or for worse). A number of places - like actual literal places in the real world - I might not have gone. Books I might never have read, songs I might never have heard, films I might never have watched. The list goes on. But why did I come here in the first place?
I started this blog to be closer to people I liked and in some sense I guess that's still the blog's raison d'être. This site is, after all, where I've spent the most time talking to people for the better part of the past decade. It's also become the de-facto hub for various projects that have rotated in and out over the years - the Homestuck stuff in 2020, an (unfinished) novella in 2021-2022, and most recently, the Evangelion Annotation Project (which I promise is still ongoing & will update...soon-ish).
And since it's been going on for so long, I guess the other thing this blog has become is an archive. A record of various moments in my life. A lot of the stuff I've posted and reblogged over the years I wouldn't stand by or endorse today. A lot of it I would. (Some of it I don't remember having posted in the first place; but I am reminded, when I look through this archive every now and then, that these, too, are remnants of who I was at some point.)
I like to take photographs every now and then, of the sky outside my window, of rain on leaves & the moon & things like that. I guess I've been doing that since around the time I made my proper return to Tumblr in 2020. If there's one really important thing on this blog, one thing that I feel really good about, it's that; those pictures are the kind of record that I really wish I had kept in earlier years, and that I hope to be able to continue to keep going forward.
And I will keep going forward. I've thought about leaving this place on a few occasions; and, I suppose if the Internet continues on its rather sad present trajectory, I may have to soon enough. But until then, "the show must go on" - at this point, I have no plans to leave any time soon. In a way, it's a line of continuity between myself 10 years ago and now. When I look back ten years from now (God willing!) I'll remember that we both liked doing this - rambling self-indulgently on the Internet to an audience of mostly strangers but - importantly - some friends, too. Some good friends. After all, who else would we have said all that too? Would we have said it at all? I think, in any case, that having said it is preferable to the alternative. By a mile.
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biggestxsimps · 1 year
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I’m Sorry
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Draco Malfoy x Male Reader (Part 1)
(Takes place near the end of their 7th year, I don’t remember if there were things going on around this time (Except for like the war) so if you’re a massive HP nerd, I apologize if I've messed up the timeline and just overlooked a major event or something)(Remade because I made a fic with this idea back in July but it was so cringy so I’m hoping now it’s at least readable)(This is also my first angsty fic so sorry if it isn’t actually sad lol)
Part 2: I Forgive You
Draco’s POV:
I didn’t want it to come to this, I didn’t want to have to do this, but now I’m left with no other choice. I hoped the situation wouldn’t become so dire, yet here I am. Against the wall, looking out into the empty courtyard. That’s when Y/N showed, he sat on a bench watching the clouds as he (I assume) waited for me. I feel my hands get clammy as I walk over to him, eyes glued to the ground.
 “Good evening Dear.” He looks over to me, my stomach flutters and my heart race quickens. I opened my mouth to speak, yet nothing came out. “Something wrong Draco?” He stands, slowly making his way towards me. His hand reaches for my cheek, lifting my face to meet his gaze. I feel my eyes burn as tears threaten to gush out. “I’m sorry Y/N.” The (H/C) boy nervously chuckles as he shakes his head. “For what, Darling?” I push his hand off of my face, bringing it back down to his side. “I can’t tell you what’s going on but I need you to know I’m doing this for both of our safety. Y/N..” I pause and take a breath. 
“We can’t be together” He trips over his feet as he takes a step back. “You can’t be serious” He muttered “We’ve been together since 4th year” I fail to keep my tears in any longer “I know!.. I know.” I snap “I’m doing this to keep us safe” I start sobbing. He hesitantly moves closer, his (E/C) eyes glossy “If we could just talk about it-” “We can’t, I can’t. Why can’t you just accept that I’m doing this to help you?” I stutter. I clench my shaking hands and whisper “I’m sorry, I had no other choice” I look down and turn to walk back inside, afraid to look back at the mess I caused.
Timeskip
Draco’s POV:
It’s been about a week since I had the confrontation with Y/N. I’ve barely left the dorms since, only leaving to grab myself food every morning and night. Luckily it was the weekend, which meant I had more time to myself. I shake my head as I get off of my bed, making my way to the door. 'I can't just sit around and sulk all day' I quickly walk to The Great Hall, avoiding paths that Y/N and I would use to get to our classes. Upon making it, I walked over to the Slytherin table, taking a seat at my usual spot. Food emerges from the table, I pick up bits of everything and start to eat. 
As I finish my meal, I hear footsteps echo through the hall. I turn and look up to see the one person I hoped it wouldn’t be. My gaze shoots straight back down to my meal, not wanting to have to face him.
Y/N’s POV:
I walk into The Great Hall, feeling quite hungry after missing last night's dinner. My gaze wanders and I see a boy sitting at the Slytherin table, my heart drops as I recognize the boy. I quickly make my way to my seat at the (Your House) table, looking opposite of his direction. I stare at the food in front of me, now feeling too nauseous to eat. I can feel his gaze pierce me as I grab some bread, slowly tearing it and eating it.
I could only eat a few things, I felt too sick to continue. I had to get out of there, I couldn’t take being in the same room as him any longer. I slip out of my seat and walk to the doors, I felt as his eyes followed me until I was no longer in his sight. My tensed shoulders dropped as I made my way back to the dorms. I close the door and fall into my bed, reading a book next to me as to distract myself from the thought of him.
When I first made this fic, I was planning on making a part 2 where they make up and get back together, just let me know and I’ll try to get part 2 done soon.
- Written by Owner 1
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