ingridgovaninsights

[ingridgovaninsights]

Not Knowing- A Poem

Tonight I’ll sip beer

In hopes that it’ll take me elsewhere

Much like my pen and paper used to

On long car rides, or simply sitting at my desk

But tonight, I’ll hope for a little less

Can’t hope for the best;

That’d be too much to ask

Will I always be living in a state of constant limbo?

Forever not knowing where to go-

Decisions have me stressed, depressed, pulling out my hair

Like I so wish I could pull out a book again

I miss the escape

I wish I could once again get away

But in your twenties it’s not so easy

Despite what older folks make you believe

But hindsight’s twenty-twenty

And I should probably stop shit-talking

Myself, I hate myself

Or am I just feeding myself lies

Lines of thoughts blurred

In my mind

‘Til I can’t figure out what’s what

And I’m lost

So I’ll come to you

Broken and bruised-

Forever not knowing what to do

#poetry #poets of tumblr #poem #writing #creative writing #aspiring author #young writer #writer #writers of tumblr #mental health #depression #anxiety #anxiety disorders #limbo #indecisive #self help #writing therapy #writing blog

[ingridgovaninsights]

I’m Back (Maybe).

I'm back.   

Maybe not permanently or on a regular basis, but I'm somewhat back. I know I went on a hiatus there, and for that I'm sorry (that is, if anyone was interested enough to check in on my work and missed it when it wasn't there). I try to be consistent and it doesn't work out. I won't make any promises of consistency, quality or quantity, but I am sorry that the interruption was so long. 

 I didn't stop for no reason, though. I'll admit, I was (and still am) going through a rough patch. In a lot of ways it's ironic that I stopped posting due to mental health issues, when the whole theme of my blog is mental health. But really, how am I supposed to produce anything good when I'm just not feeling it?  

I accidentally burnt this stove top cover the other day. I meant to heat up the other element, but instead heated up the one with the cover on it. I was supposed to take all of the covers off just in case, but I wasn’t thinking about that and just wanted tea. So I got the kettle going (or so I thought). 

Next thing I knew, the black scorch mark was taking over the cheap floral Dollarama design. Acting fast, I grabbed a hand towel and ripped the thing off the stove before I started a fire. 

That sense of panic that I felt is how I’ve been feeling almost all of the time lately, but unlike with the stove top cover, I can’t just rip it off and not burn myself. Even though I’m trying to act as fast as I can to remove the source of the panic and the pain, I’m still getting hurt. And I’m getting real tired of it. I’m concerned that pretty soon my mind is going to burst into flames, much like how the kitchen very well could have. 

 Anyways, it's not that I didn't write at all during my break from blogging, I just didn't write for any audience. I still somewhat regularly wrote in my journal, and I created a few piece of shit poems along the way. So I can at least say I didn't completely get out of the habit of writing, which would be a much bigger problem. 

So what have I been up to? Well, not a whole lot. I have been working, which is a positive thing in my life right now. For once in my life, I have a job that does not cause me excess anxiety. In fact, it keeps me feeling grounded. It gives me a sense of purpose and routine, and provides me with happiness because I find passion in it. A job is what I need right now to keep myself productive, social and somewhat stable.   

Aside from working, I have been trying to get control of my mental health. My anxiety has been through the roof and depression has crept up on me and stuck around, even with the warmer weather coming. Hopefully it will get better with spring around the corner.

I won't get into much further detail, because the purpose of my blog is to HELP people with mental health issues, not to exacerbate them, and so I'll just finish this off with saying there's help out there. At times it can be REALLY frustrating and it feels like people aren't listening to you or taking you seriously enough, and if you're talking to someone about things and you start to feel that way, feel no shame in going to someone else then. You deserve to be heard properly, not just have your issues go in one ear and out the other.  

 If it's not working, keep trying different people. Different types of people from different groups- family, friends, your partner, a mentor, a doctor, a therapist, a psychiatrist, online or over the phone or face to face. If you start to get frustrated, take a break. Try someone again later. It's easy to feel like you're not heard or understood; everyone's situation is unique, and we're only human so we're all trying our best to understand.  

 All of this is easier said than done. That's why I'm hesitant to even post it. I see all these suggestions and advice online or from friends and even medical professionals and I just think, “yeah if it were that easy I wouldn't have a problem". So I acknowledge that. Do what you can, even if it's just something small you do for yourself like brushing your teeth or taking a shower.

 Small steps. 

We're doing the best we can.   

#mental health #anxiety #depression #mental illness #self help #mental health blog #rant #writing blog #creative writing #it gets better #dont give up #anxiety disorders #depressive episode #seasonal affective disorder #emotions #emotional #aspiring author #young writer #writers of tumblr #poets of tumblr

[ingridgovaninsights]

Drink Up- A Short Story

Here I am, alone, stark naked in my one-bedroom apartment in the middle of the downtown core. I always preferred to be naked, for many reasons. The first reason was simply because I just got too hot all the time wearing so many layers. Another reason is that I just don’t understand why people get so embarrassed about showing their “bits”- everyone has ‘em, albeit some a little stranger looking than others, but at the end of the day they’re just body parts. Maybe I can’t really understand the concept of being embarrassed about my body, because I’ve always been relatively confident in the way I looked. It’s not like I was smoking hot by any means; I just never had an issue with accepting myself the way I was.

Well, physically, that is. I guess I should be more precise. Maybe if I had always been confident in myself emotionally and spiritually too, I wouldn’t be here now. But I suppose there’s nothing I can do about it now- it happened. All of it happened, whether I like it or not. Mostly not. All I can do is make the most of what I’ve got going for me, and I’ve got an okay body so I’m going to rock it.

I stood up from my rickety wooden kitchen chair and started making some coffee. It wasn’t the best tasting shit, but the off-brand was all I could afford. I used to put a splash of Bailey’s in my coffee every morning, but then it just turned into a bad habit. I didn’t see it then, but looking back now I was definitely going down a really slippery slope. Like, winter roads in Canada slippery. But hindsight’s twenty-twenty, isn’t it?

Pouring myself a tall mug of black coffee, I realized I was replacing alcohol with caffeine, which was definitely a hell of a lot better but it just seemed to be one addiction after the other. I thought back fondly to my high school days where I was absolutely addicted to World of Warcraft- my parents yelled at me constantly to go do something else, to get my homework done, to go outside into the real world for Christ’s sake, but I remained strapped to my office chair, eyes bloodshot, knocking back energy drinks and staying up well past four in the morning every night. It went on this way until my mom unplugged my desktop in the middle of a gaming session- I lost my mind, screaming and knocking shit off of my desk... until I had a moment of clarity in the middle of that outburst. I was going insane. All of this over a game?

I never played World of Warcraft again.

I took my mug of hot coffee back to my chair and looked out the window at the city. I was strategically placed where I could see people passing by, but they couldn’t see naked ol’ me. As I enjoyed my people-watching session, a song by the country band Midland came on the radio, loud and proud:

People say I got a drinkin’ problem

That ain’t no reason to stop

People saying that I hit rock bottom

Just cause I’m living on the rocks

It’s a broken hearted thinkin’ problem

So pull another bottle off the wall

People say I got a drinkin’ problem

But I got no problem drinkin’ at all

Three years ago, I’d like to think I was drastically different than I am now. I don’t identify with that man, the man that struggled for money but still scrounged up enough cash to buy cheap beer and get hammered night after night. I was the man that denied any sort of relationship I had with another man, because I was raised to think that was some kind of sin- I know, it’s as ridiculous as thinking lefties are the devil, or whatever the hell those crazy people went on about back in the day. These notions are so retro, so nonsensical, with no evidence to back them up. Homosexuals are committing a sin- ha, that’s as ridiculous as saying smoking is good for your health. Why did I give others’ opinions so much weight? I believed them, or at least I pretended to believe them, while deep down I was saddened that I had to live a lie and so I drank to gobble up that sadness.

It started off innocently enough- I was twenty-three and I had just graduated college, and what young college student didn’t have too much to drink from time to time? I told myself that every time I got drunk- I was just acting like the young demographic, and if other people did it, I would surely be fine. But as it turns out, I wasn’t drinking just for fun on the weekends like most of the college students were doing, which was considered a lot more reasonable than what I was doing, but I justified it to myself because I needed a reason to continue. I think the biggest thing was, there became a point where I wasn’t drinking for fun anymore, it was simply to numb myself from the fact that I was living in a homophobic neighborhood as an in-the-closet homosexual man.

My drinking spiraled out of control for a couple of years. My family tried to reach out to me, but I wasn’t listening. Drinking was far too important at the time. My moment of clarity happened when I was at a friend’s twenty-fifth birthday party, and all I really wanted to do was drink myself to sleep. Everyone around me was having a good time- the music was blasting, everyone was laughing, reminiscing about old times. I was somewhere else, mentally. Somewhere far, far away. Everyone else could so seamlessly be themselves- a man wrapping his arms around a woman; nobody saw anything strange about that. But even in the year 2018, you see two men or two women embracing one another and you do a double take.

At least, a lot of you do. Like “the homosexual”  is some rare, endangered species. Well, maybe they wouldn’t be so endangered if the environment wasn’t so hostile.

Anyways. A couple of hours into the birthday party, I was already quite drunk. By that time my tolerance had gone up substantially, and so I needed to drink a hell of a lot to get to the point of being noticeably drunk. Looking back, it makes me quite sad. It was like a cry for help, really. I didn’t realize how much I was drinking until it was too late- one moment I was staggering around, chatting with old friends, and the next I was on the floor. Someone had to call for an ambulance. That was the last of the night I remembered.

I woke up in a hospital bed with my mom on one side and my dad on the other. My dad informed me that I had alcohol poisoning last night, and I had needed my stomach pumped. They said it had been quite bad; my blood alcohol level was dangerously high. I could’ve died.

It was time to stop.

I broke down and cried in front of my parents, and my mom wrapped me up in a hug and my dad awkwardly rested a hand on my shoulder. I told them I was gay, and I told them I desperately needed to move to a different neighbourhood. They said nothing for the longest time; I think they were confused.

For the first time in several years, I asked explicitly for their help. They helped me get into a treatment centre, where I vowed to get better. And I did, slowly but surely. That’s how I ended up drinking like six cups of coffee a day- sure, it was better than copious amounts of alcohol, but I’d eventually have to cut down on that, too. Soon enough.

After my treatment program was finished, I got my new apartment downtown. I warmed up to the neighbours, and I made friends. Hell, I even met a couple of cute guys, and as time went on I got more and more confident about being myself around them. Things would get better; they had to.

So I sat around my apartment naked, because why the hell not? Why not flaunt what you’ve got?

I smiled like an idiot, and gave a toast to my imaginary friends. To new beginnings. And so I drank up, that black coffee tasting like victory. 

I’d be all right.

#writing blog #short story #creative writing #aspiring author #mental health blog #mental illness #addiction #alcohol addiction #end the stigma #lgbt writing #writing #story writing #young adult fiction #realistic fiction #canadian author

[ingridgovaninsights]

My Dog Means Everything To Me, And Here’s Why

I’ve been brainstorming possible blog ideas that relate to the theme of dogs and mental health, because I want to not just make blog posts here, I want to make good blog posts. Posts that actually have quality content. I have to think about what people might be interested in reading about. It’s a difficult thing to navigate- trying to get your writing to target an audience while at the same time enjoying what you do. One thing is for certain- I’m not going to be writing if I don’t enjoy it, since enjoying it is the most important thing to me.

My dog has been a great source of happiness to me. But I won’t lie, at times she’s also been a great deal of stress and frustration. No, it’s not her fault. She is a dog. I know she never had the intention to make me upset or angry when she chewed up a pair of shoes or shit on the floor. But we get angry anyways, don’t we? Dogs don’t really have the capacity to understand the concept of “I’m going to do this because it’ll piss off my owner”. No. She likely did it simply because she wanted something to chew on, and she had to poop. Admittedly, during those times I was probably to blame, where I’d sometimes not give her as much supervision as she needed or as much attention and affection she deserved.

Rewind to about a year and a half ago, I got Pepper when she was only 3-4 months old. It was a bit of a hard time in my life; I felt a bit isolated as I was living far from my family and close friends. I thought it would be a good idea to seek out a friendly companion- and since I worked with dogs, what better solution than to get a dog? Now, I want to make it very clear that I never will regret getting Pepper, but in hindsight I think I should’ve put a lot more thought into things before I went out and got a puppy. After all, it is a living thing you’re committing many years of your life to.

When Pepper was a puppy, she got on my nerves a lot. I thought to myself, “if I can’t handle a puppy, how am I ever going to handle kids one day?”. I think I underestimated just how much work and time you have to put into raising a young dog. I struggled to get her onto a food that her stomach tolerated, had numerous vet visits, potty trained her with so many setbacks, crate trained her (which turned out pretty well), trained her to walk nicely and even do a few tricks, and very importantly had her socialized quite young. She got on my nerves whenever she didn’t meet my expectations, and it took me far too long to realize my expectations were far too high. Yes, she’s a smart dog, but I was being unrealistic- four month old puppies have accidents. They like to chew things. They don't always listen. They’re still learning! It was ridiculous of me to think I’d have a picture perfect puppy that never got into any trouble.

Pepper was always a pretty good girl, but she did get into a lot of trouble sometimes. At daycare, she’s always known for playing like one of the big dogs, barreling into the big boys at full speed and standing up for herself when she’s getting picked on. She loves to chew- well, I guess the better term would be destroy. It’s a struggle to find her toys that she won’t shred into pieces. But I don’t get as frustrated anymore. If she’s being too much at daycare, or ruining the new toy I just bought for her, I take a deep breath first. She is not trying to upset me. She is a dog, and she’s just trying to have some fun. So I’m a lot gentler now, and I find that actually works better- I get a much more positive response from her when I keep my cool and praise her for doing the right things, rather than just giving her shit for doing the wrong things. Positive reinforcement does actually make a difference.

Pepper helped me through a couple of tough times in my life, and I know she will continue to do so. She calms me when I’m feeling anxious, and when I feel lonely she’s always the best company. When I’ve had a bad day, it’s the best feeling to come in through the front door and be greeted by a rapidly wagging tail and some snuggles. Now, at almost two years old, she is an extremely well behaved dog, and I am glad I stuck it out and continued to work with her, no matter how frustrating. She has helped me in ways that most humans never can. She can make me feel better without saying a word. She gives me a purpose and a sense of responsibility, a reason to wake up in the morning, and having that sense of responsibility gives me confidence. Raising a dog is one of the most rewarding things you can do, in my opinion. It’s a rewarding experience for both you and the dog, probably equally. I know all of this sounds cheesy, but I really thought I needed to do an appreciation post for my dog. She means everything to me, and I know I mean everything to her.

#dogs #dog blog #mental health #mental illness #anxiety #writing blog #creative writing #aspiring author #writer #young writer #i love my dog #appreciation post #dog training #mental health blog

[ingridgovaninsights]

The Best Times to Write, Why I’m Not Making New Year’s Resolutions, and More

It’s been a while since I last made a blog post. I thought I would do some checking in. Things are going okay, considering the time of year. In the winter months I have a tendency to have a lot less energy, feel a bit depressed or off, and just lack motivation in general. It’s hard to get going, and sleep is my friend. So is coffee, though, so that helps. I’ll be fine- it’s just a combination of the extremely cold weather and the lack of sunlight that has me out of sorts. Keeping up with my routine as much as possible will help me through this, and to anybody else feeling the “winter blues”, I encourage you to do the same. I did a blog post in the past about vitamin D and the effect it has on your mental health, and within it I talk a little bit about seasonal affective disorder (SAD). I’ll include a link at the end of this post for anybody that’s interested. 

So, I’ve been doing some thinking, and there seems to be a pattern to the frequency, quality and quantity of my writing. I’ve come to the conclusion that I seem to write better, overall, in the worst of times. 

The best times to write seem to be:

- When you’re feeling vulnerable 

- When you’re feeling emotional (intensely good or bad feelings both seem to work well) 

- When you’re sick, in pain (mentally or physically) or otherwise bedridden with nothing else to do

- When you have too much time on your hands (i.e. while unemployed, while on vacation)

It’s a little inconvenient that these are my best writing times, because I’d really like to be more consistent with my blogging and whatnot. But what I’ve learned about writing over the several years that I’ve been doing it is you shouldn’t force it (too much). If you’re getting frustrated, stop. If you’re no longer having fun, stop. I don’t get stressed or upset anymore if I haven’t written in a few days. I don’t beat myself up. New ideas come better when I am out doing things in the real world, anyways. 

And on another note, it is 2018! Another year has come and gone. I’d like to use part of this blog post to share some of my thoughts with you on the whole idea of “New Years” as a holiday.

 A lot of people seem to really like New Years- well, to be more exact, New Years Eve. It’s a time to party and celebrate, a good excuse to go out and get drunk or whatever it is you want to do. It’s a convenient time to create a “resolution” or a goal (or multiple) for the new year- and let’s be honest, they’re usually things we don’t maintain in the long term. What is the point in pretending? I think that New Years causes people to feel really reflective, and sometimes emotional, and they think over what they’ve done (or haven’t done) and oftentimes feel guilt that they haven’t done enough. They think, “next year will be better!” and “next year, I’ll try harder!”. 

To me, New Years is just another day to me. When the year changes from 2017 to 2018, nothing feels any different. I don’t think of it as a fresh start. We’re living on a continuum; there are no pauses or stops and starts. However, if it makes you feel any better to practice the New Years resolution thing, by all means go for it, but I find that making (often unrealistic) goals for the new year just lines you up for future disappointment. 

New Year’s to me was almost not worth a blog post. It’s not worth its own blog post, for sure. I just think people hype it up too much, when really people should try to be their better selves all year long instead of waiting for the year to end to “change”. 

And I also just want to give a shout out to those that are struggling over the holiday season, because I think it’s not well enough recognized that this time of year is very difficult for some. Christmas and New Years can bring about nostalgia and bittersweet memories of long gone better times. They may remind you of lost loved ones.  For whatever reason, if you’re having a hard time over the holidays, I feel for you, and I encourage you to reach out. I’ll include some links below that you may find helpful if you’re looking for someone to talk to. 

That’s about all I have to say today. I will check in again soon. 

Helpful Resources: 

TO FIND A CRISIS LINE NEAR YOU: http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines

Vitamin D and Mental Health blog post: https://ingridgovaninsights.tumblr.com/post/165474826637/vitamin-d-and-mental-health 

Kids Help Phone: https://kidshelpphone.ca/ 

7 Cups of Tea: https://www.7cups.com/ 

#writing blog #mental health #self help #suicide awareness #mental illness #winter blues #sad #seasonal affective disorder #depression #anxiety #end the stigma #mental health blog #advocacy #vitamin d #resources #mental health resources #new years #new years resolutions #creative writing #aspiring author #young writer

[ingridgovaninsights]

Why Do Dogs Do That?

It would make a lot of things easier if canines could speak to us- if they could just express how they’re feeling at any given time, or let us know when they need something. But it doesn’t work that way, and it probably never will (though with the rate at which technology is progressing, you actually never know). 

Since we can’t verbally communicate with dogs, aside from a few learned words/phrases that dogs might pick up on with repetition (such as tricks or commands), we have to do our best to read their body language. This is where you will get most of your information from. 

Through practice and picking up on patterns/ habits your dog performs, you can start to learn what the different signals mean. Note though, that sometimes one action/gesture may not mean the same thing for every single dog. Every dog is an individual. For example, I know a dog that will pee on the floor when stressed or scared, but this was learned by observing the context of the situation. On the other hand, a dog that pees on the floor when there doesn’t appear to be anything scary might have different issues- when was it last let outside for a potty break? Is the dog a puppy, and therefore still learning about where it’s appropriate to pee? Is there any blood in the urine, which could indicate an infection? As you can see, it really depends on a lot of factors, and there could be many different reasons why a dog would pee on the floor and not outside. I know a dog that will do anything to avoid going outside if it’s too cold out, and so usually I have to carry her out. But if she has to go, she’ll usually go on the floor because she doesn’t like her paws getting cold. Cute, but frustrating. 

Another great example of body language that can be taken in different ways is a wagging tail. I think there’s a big misconception that a waggy tail on a dog ALWAYS means it’s happy. This is not true! A dog can wag its tail when it’s feeling stressed, nervous, or anxious too, so if you see a dog you don’t know wagging its tail, you may want to ask its owner about petting it before assuming it’s delighted to see you; it might be feeling threatened. And on a side note, a CAT wagging or flicking its tail is NOT generally associated with happiness; rather, it usually indicates that the cat is feeling annoyed. 

Learning to read your dog’s body language better will help you strengthen your relationship with him/her. You’ll feel better able to care for them, and they will probably feel more secure that you know when you step in or do something. A confident owner is a respected owner- if you are confident in the way you communicate with your dog, your dog will respond much more positively. I think a good dog-human relationship can be quite therapeutic when done right, so long as you are as in tune as possible with your dog’s wants and needs. And for God’s sake, clean up the pee on the floor and make sure they have clean water. It shouldn’t take a dog expert to know that.

#dogs #dog blog #writing blog #pet industry #working with dogs #dog body language #pets #animals #mental health blog #aspiring author

[ingridgovaninsights]

Exciting Changes To My Blog!

Hi everyone!

To those of you that are still tuned in to my blog, I want to thank you. I know I’m not as regular a blogger as I said I would be, but you know sometimes life gets in the way of things. I do still try to keep up with writing, even if it’s just for my own sake (i.e. journaling). 

I just wanted to share a quick announcement regarding my blog- within the coming weeks, I plan to add some new and exciting topics to my blog! I know my blog has always had a big focus on mental health and I plan to continue writing about those topics as well, but I also want to talk a little more about another passion of mine- dogs! 

I am thinking about dividing my blog up a little bit so I have a section on mental health, and a section on dogs. Or, I could try and focus on how dogs have a positive impact on your mental health and well-being. I haven’t quite decided yet how I want to approach this, but I’m pretty excited about it, since dogs have been an important part of my life for some time now and I’m eager to share what I know. 

Since every dog has their own unique personality (yes, dogs are individuals just like you and I), I can think of SO many stories I’d love to share with you all! Stories that warm my heart, stories that make me a bit sad, and stories that have me laughing. And I think even if you’re not a “dog person” per se, I have the hope that you can still find enjoyment in my blog posts. I will, however, make sure that I will continue to keep up with the mental health aspect of my blog, too. 

So, that’s it in terms of news. If anyone has any blog post ideas, or ideas on how I can further design my blog’s layout, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me and let me know! 

I’ll post again soon!

#writing blog #dogs #dog blog #pets #pet care #mental health blog #animal blog #blog update #aspiring author #young writer #canadian writer #working with dogs

[ingridgovaninsights]

Don’t Count Out Winter Walks

Just a brief post today to let everyone know I’m still here, I’m doing fine, I’m writing from time to time but usually I just keep it to myself. Having some privacy is important, I think- not sharing every detail of your life or every corner of your thoughts is healthy. Don’t allow the world total access to your mind. Your mind is your mind alone. 

Sometimes it’s refreshing to just go out into the world and take a walk. Sometimes it’s scary, too, if leaving your house gives you the jitters. Maybe you’re afraid to run into people on the street, or that people are looking at you funny, or someone will ask for directions and you won’t know what to say. Either way, the fresh air does you good and especially when the air is so brisk it wakes you right up. 

I think winter gets a bad rep- it’s probably the least favorite season among most, aside from Christmas and New Year’s. And the weather usually sucks. But if you can get past the cold, the winter has a sort of peacefulness to it, and a fresh snowfall looks quite beautiful, as illustrated in the picture I decided to share here. 

But I just wanted to make this blog post to say winter walks shouldn’t be out of the question! Bundle up, suck it up and look around you. It’s pretty nice out there.

#winter #winter is coming #walks #solitude #peaceful #writers of tumblr #photography #winter photography #aspiring author #writing blog #mental health #wellness

[ingridgovaninsights]

Looking Inside- A Poem

I won’t be like Taylor Swift

Making lists

Of all the boys that have wronged me

Wasn’t a mistake,

Just a short chapter in my book

Not something I’ll erase

Or something to overlook

It’s over now, but it was great

Now I must be alone

Sometimes your own

Company feels just like home

It’s just what you know

Or at least what you want to

I didn’t get that opportunity,

Didn’t step back

Always thought there was something I lacked

Needed a person by my side

But to really be fine

I need to look inside

#poetry #poems #free verse poem #poets of tumblr #aspiring author #mental health #look inside yourself #finding yourself #inspiring #relationships #life #moving on #love #writing therapy #writing blog #mental health blog

[ingridgovaninsights]

Simplicity- A Poem

What do you think happens when we die

Why do we always have to ask “why”

Why can’t we be so content to just lie

In a blanket fort, warm

Next to someone special

Why does everything have to

Turn into a big show

Life can be simple and mellowed out

Finding happiness in the little things-

That’s what it’s all about

If you can be happy watching something sappy

On the TV before afternoon napping

Then that’s good enough for me

Life can be simple, can’t you see?

#poem #poetry #make it simple #life #life is hard #free verse poem #poets of tumblr #writing blog #mental health #anxiety #relationships #happiness #aspiring author

[ingridgovaninsights]

Video Games and Mental Health- A Discussion

A few blog posts ago, I talked a little bit about how working with dogs and just being around animals in general has improved my mental health and made me a lot happier overall. Today, I’m going to talk about another aspect of my life that I’ve been diving into more recently- video games.

I think people would ask, “how does this relate to mental health?” and I think the answer is simple- if it’s making you happy, and it’s not harming you or others, I’d say it’s beneficial to your mental health. Of course, you can overdo anything, and if all you’re doing is video games and you don’t make any time to socialize or work or go to school, then perhaps it’s time to rethink or cut back a bit. Moderation is key.

For me, I’ve always been interested in video games, but recently I’ve been putting more time into it as I start to discover more genres that interest me. What I love about it is that there’s so much diversity- there’s almost a game for everyone (unless of course, you don’t like video games- but in that case, you might be crazy). I’ve found a lot of peace and happiness by simply playing games such as Stardew Valley and Harvest Moon, which are farming/country life RPGs. I enjoy how simple it is, and I think the fact that in-game I get to run my own farm, own animals, mine, fish, and much more gives me a sense of control. Having simple tasks in front of me that I feel like I can complete also gives me a sense of accomplishment. I think that casual, cute and fun games like that calm me, and it’s important for everyone to find something in their lives like that. It doesn’t have to be video games necessarily, but something to unwind with after a long day, or something to distract you when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Interestingly enough, a lot of people have the belief or idea that many video games, particularly violent ones, can cause violent or aggressive behaviors, or at least violent thoughts. There have been a lot of studies on this, and I don’t think it’s conclusive but from what I’ve read it seems that some children who play a lot of violent video games exhibit more aggressive behavior and less prosocial behavior (I’ll include some links for further reading at the end of this post). Perhaps this is because their brains are still very much developing, and so they’re easily impressionable. Note that this doesn’t seem to apply for non-violent video games, but I guess some might say people show less prosocial behavior even with non-violent video games. I think, though, that as I’ve said it’s all about moderation, and as many people know gaming doesn’t have to be an isolated, antisocial activity. It can actually be quite the opposite- many people make lots of great connections by playing with others online, or they strengthen their existing friendships by bonding over a game. I think it’s all about how you use it, and if you’re smart about it.

Anyways, from my own experience I’ve really benefited from playing casual, relaxing games on a fairly regular basis. I’ve noticed my stress levels are lower, my mood is better, I’m bored less often, and I do feel a sense of calm when I play. What I think is that if it works, stick with it. Who cares what people think?

So, what do you do to relax and unwind? It might be something to think about- maybe you need to explore new hobbies and try something new, or maybe you need to revisit an old hobby you’ve been not as attentive to. Whatever it is, try to make time for it once and awhile and I think your mind will thank you.

For Further Reading:

Violent video games and aggression (some interesting reads):

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/do-video-games-inspire-violent-behavior/ 

http://time.com/34075/how-violent-video-games-change-kids-attitudes-about-aggression/

Buy Stardew Valley on Steam:

http://store.steampowered.com/app/413150/Stardew_Valley/ 

Buy Harvest Moon on Steam:

http://store.steampowered.com/app/585900/Harvest_Moon_Light_of_Hope/

#video games #video games and mental health #mental health #mental health blog #writing blog #creative writing #discussion #stardew valley #harvest moon #self help #hobbies #aspiring author #writing therapy #video game therapy

[ingridgovaninsights]

Missed Memories- A Poem

Sometimes I miss you

But no, I do not love you

How could I love you?

That’s not love

Love shouldn’t have so many conditions

Love shouldn’t be so restricting

Love shouldn’t be isolating

Don’t want to lose my sense of self

Again, as I once did

Forget all about who I am

“Me” blurred into “we”

And I lost it

It’s a pity, it’s a shame

All I know for sure is my name

Your love was just a game

Or was it?

But nevertheless,

Now I can say I’m blessed

Got out of that mess

My problems no longer swept

Under the rug

Because that’s not love

Sometimes I miss it

But it’s never worth it

I missed all the memories

But I do not miss the person

#poem #poetry #poets of tumblr #aspiring author #writing blog #creative writing #free verse poem #expressive #creative #mental health #relationships #love #love poem #memories

[ingridgovaninsights]

Next Time- A Poem

Sometimes I’ll start a writing project I’m excited about

Throw my all into it

And not necessarily fall,

But I’ll stall

And suddenly I’m not so into it

I’ve lost my motivation,

I’ve lost the concentration

And that should be all right,

Tonight wasn’t my night

Pour myself a glass of white

Wine, but I won’t whine, I’m doing just fine

Gotta tell myself that all the time

But often these things

Sound better in your head

Than they do played out

Or scrawled out on paper

That’s why some of my writing

Gets scrapped-

Not because it’s crap

Sometimes the imagination

Can be just that

Imagined, nothing more

A plan not executed

A project not completed

But I’d rather my document be 22% because

At least I tried

I’m doing fine

I’ll get it right next time

#poets of tumblr #poetry #poem #writing #creative writing #writing blog #mental health #don't give up #motivation #get motivated #writer #aspiring author #free verse poem

[ingridgovaninsights]

Thoughts Are Thoughts- A Poem

I don’t think I have to share everything that I write

The world needn’t know

I don’t have to feel obligated to broadcast it

But I’m casting a line,

I’ll ensure you don’t waste your time

I want people to read

Writing is freeing

But people don’t always have to know

What goes on in my head

The connections that my brain will make

I’ll keep it inside instead

Because some thoughts are private

And that’s totally okay

They’re thoughts for a reason

You choose what you want to say

#poem #free verse poem #poetry #poets of tumblr #thoughts #anxiety #mental health #writing therapy #writing blog #writers of tumblr #aspiring author #thoughts are thoughts

[ingridgovaninsights]

Finding Work You Can Feel Confident In- A Discussion

I’ve been taking some time to think and ask myself, “what the hell should I write about now?” and I thought, why not write about what I’ve been up to these days, and how it’s been helping me to heal and feel good about myself.

These past couple of months, I’ve been working a bunch. I dove right into it, and I have to say I’ve been enjoying it. The key difference between what I’m doing now and what I used to do, is that I love what I do now, and I’m passionate about it. Now, I’m working with dogs, and I couldn’t be more thrilled! I finally kind of feel like I belong, I know what I am doing, and so I can feel confident when I go in each shift. It’s a good feeling.

There seem to be two types of people in this world- those that say you should find a job you love and you’ll never have to work in your life; and there are those that say work is work, a job’s a job. Well, maybe there aren’t only two types of people. I feel like I fall somewhere in between- work is work, yes, and if you are in dire need of a job (say, you have been unemployed for some time and need the money for living) I feel you shouldn’t be so picky. After all, the job can be temporary as just a means of income while you search for different work. However, working a job you despise for an extended period of time can truly have an impact on your mental health and well-being. Think about it, you’re spending a lot of your time there- maybe upwards of forty hours a week, depending on the job. Do you really want that to be something you hate? Note that I say “hate” and “despise”, because I think there should be a distinction made between hating your job and being able to tolerate it.

Anyways, I don’t just tolerate my work, I love it. For me, a job that I feel confident and comfortable in is a job working with dogs. Why? I think there are several reasons:

I have been around dogs, and other pets, my whole life. My family always had pets around the house- dogs, cats, hamsters, birds, so it felt very natural for me to be around more animals.

Dogs are better than humans. This couldn’t be more true. Dogs are innocent, they just want to love you. All they want is your approval, and your love, and they are set. They are happy-go-lucky, drama-free company. I also don’t have to worry about figuring out the right things to say, because they’re dogs, and they don’t speak English.

I have experience working with dogs. I have in the past done work with dogs, and so I can say I have a little background in it, which would naturally give me some more confidence in the field. I’ve also put many of the things I’ve learned into practice on my own dog, which helps my learning and working knowledge of dogs.

There is some evidence that dogs can be therapeutic for people with anxiety and depression. This is why some people decide to have a therapy dog to help manage some of their symptoms. And even if you do not have anxiety or depression, a lot of people find themselves smiling or going “Aww” when they see a cute dog!

What’s interesting to me is some of the research done on the effects dogs have on your mood. They have been shown to also help with other conditions and diseases; for example Alzheimer’s Disease. When my grandpa was in the late stages of Alzheimer’s and living in a long term care home, he was at the point where he could no longer walk or talk anymore. But I would bring my dog into the home to visit him, and the amount of smiles I witnessed was enlightening. Just having my dog meet and greet my grandpa got a smile on his face- something as simple as the company of a dog can be very soothing for Alzheimer’s patients.

I’ll share a link to a few sources at the end of this post, just some things I found interesting. But dogs can even have an effect on your brain chemistry- just playing with or petting a dog or cat can increase your levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax and generally make you feel good.

So, I have a lot of personal and research-based reasons as to why I like working with dogs so much. What about you? What do you do, and what does it mean to you? I think that finding work you can feel comfortable in can make all the difference. Maybe you don’t have to absolutely love it, but if you can tolerate it and find meaning in it, I’d say you did pretty well!

Dogs and Mental Health:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/mood-boosting-power-of-dogs.htm

http://time.com/4728315/science-says-pet-good-for-mental-health/

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-anxiety-and-pets/

#dogs #animals #mental health #therapy dog #anxiety disorders #depression #anxiety #therapeutic #writing therapy #work #working with dogs #dogs and mental health #pets #dogs rule

[ingridgovaninsights]

Not Letting Anxiety Win- A Rant

New feelings have come about, and I want to rant a little bit about that and talk about what’s been going on for me in my world.

What do you do when you don’t know how to handle your own feelings? You would think you’re the expert of yourself- after all, you’re supposedly in control of your mind, your body, and your behaviors. So what about those feelings you can’t shake, the intense feelings that creep up on you then hit you all at once? No, they’re not always “bad feelings” per se, just intense ones. Feelings so strong you can’t get your mind off of them. Suddenly you have less power, less control. You thought you were in charge- well guess what? Sometimes when we feel this way, we’re a little bit powerless. And that can be unsettling.

I’ve been dealing with some new feelings lately, kind of unsure how to handle them. I’ve been trying to deal with them in the healthiest ways possible, though. I feel like in the past five or so months I’ve come so far in further developing my self identity. I don’t want to lose that again. Talking it out helps, but I made the mistake of sweeping my writing under the rug, and I’m kind of beating myself up over it.

Writing and I have a love-hate relationship. When it’s good, it’s really good. When I have ideas and inspiration, nothing stops me and I can write for hours and have the time of my life. But when nothing comes to mind and I’m in a bit of a rut, I really kind of hate writing. In those times, I’d rather absentmindedly watch some TV or just sleep in. Screw the whole “try to write every day” thing. It really doesn’t work, at least not for me. And it’s not realistic, and when I try to live up to that “rule”, I end up letting myself down. I should rewrite that rule to say “make time to write, as often as you feel you can”. There, that’s much less stressful. Because it should be therapeutic, not stressful, right?

Anyways, here I am jotting down my ideas again because I feel like it’s been awhile. I find myself pulling away a bit and stopping myself when I get too close to someone. Why do people do this? I want to explore that a little bit, because I am definitely not the only one to experience this or be on the receiving end of this.

It’s not that we don’t want to experience these good, intense emotions- the problem is, we are scared. I know this is true at least for myself. It’s really hard to not let anxiety win, you know. It’s much easier to just give up because everything is scary. No taking risks, no fear. Right? Like if I never leave my house, never get a job, never make friends or pursue relationships I don’t have to experience that uncomfortable anxiety again.

But how is that living?

I can’t let it win. I can’t let it beat me because I’m uncomfortable right now. I have let my anxiety beat me several times in the past, where I grew exhausted and overwhelmed and said to myself “I’m just a failure, I’m too much of a coward to keep going”. I have done this with work, I have done this with friends and relationships, I have done this with social events and hobbies. I have let it stop me on countless occasions.

I sometimes think to myself, “what would I do if anxiety wasn’t a factor at all?” and I have an endless list. It’s sort of depressing to think about.

Maybe I would take the city bus sometimes. I would probably take a driver’s test and get my license. I would go back and return things when my order was done wrong. I would have joined clubs in high school. I would go for more walks. I would go to the mall and go into stores. I would order food. I would say Hi to people I know when I see them in public. I would have participated more in class. I would volunteer. I would make phone calls. I would return phone calls.

I could go on, but I won’t.

The point is, I don’t want to keep adding to this list. I don’t want my life to be full of “should haves”, because that kind of sucks. So what am I afraid of? Why would I miss out on all these opportunities because I’m uncomfortable?

I’m scared to lose my sense of self. I fear losing my independence. This is a big thing for me. I want to be able to stand on my own, whether I’m in a relationship or not. I want to have my own hobbies, my own thoughts. Nothing is stopping me, but these are the fears I have inside my mind. I also fear intense, deep emotion, because of course this makes us as humans vulnerable. Being vulnerable, we might not think straight. I want to be able to make conscious, straight decisions still, and the idea of losing that is a bit daunting. But I think that good things can be scary, and I think that there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that, as long as we don’t let the scary take over us and affect our decisions.

I’m going a bit off track here- well, I guess I was all over the place to begin with, but this is a rant, not an essay. Anyways. I guess the point I was getting at with all of this is that fear is okay. But don’t let fear win. Don’t let anxiety win. I don’t want it to again… it’s done that enough. I can be stronger than that.

#rant #mental health #anxiety #anxiety disorder #mental illness #end the stigma #relationships #healing #self help #writing therapy #i am strong #ranting #rambling

[ingridgovaninsights]

Checking In- A Poem

I haven’t done writing in a while

And maybe that’s okay

I haven’t done writing in a while

I just don’t have much to say

It’s not that there’s a lack of thought

It’s that I can’t find a good way to express it

I haven’t done writing in a while

Maybe this is a good time to check in

Am I doing okay, am I still fine

Or are my emotions a hurricane most of the time

Do I need to sit by myself sometimes

And contemplate life with a tall glass of wine

Perhaps I do, maybe that’s okay

It’s okay if I don’t always have something to say

I can take it easy, take a break

My life is my own, and there’s no escape

The realization of who I am

Can I handle the emotions though,

I think that I can

But writing them out, it just makes them more real

And once upon a time I could pretend not to feel

Sometimes it’s okay to not let it out

But after a while, I need to

I need to break out

I haven’t done writing in a while

And maybe that’s okay

But I need to check in

And make sure I write today

#mental health #self help #writing therapy #writers block #poetry #poems #writers of tumblr #aspiring author #poet #poets of tumblr #writing #creative writing #free verse poem