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exploresmallworlds · 3 months

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the quiet affirmations of public transport

If you read last weeks post, you’ll see that I freely wrote my thoughts about disability and this piece won’t be as serious, gotta balance it all out in the end. This week is more in line with the concept of exploring small worlds around you and hopefully giving you the space to see your experiences with new eyes.

This week I want to concentrate on the changes I made to my commute. While I was taking a private vehicle due to the fact that the public transport journey was going to be fifty minutes longer. Due to an incident I was motivated to change this and I have been taking my public transport to work again (having done this for other jobs in the past).

It has hit me how different this all is. The upsides of not having to deal with the anxieties of other people on the road and having to make decisions all the time, the money is less than the fuel which always seems to be going up and the fact that I could have a quiet time before I went to work that you can’t really have when making decisions on Sydney roads.

But there is something interesting from a small worlds perspective, and this is what compelled me to write this piece and to find new things to think about. A strange experience to watch similar people get on and off buses. Although I don’t know them I am connected, seeing the same people do the same things with you can have that affect. A sense of consistency of sorts.

It has me more connected with the things on my walks around and to my workplace. I see the subtle changes, the blooms and changes of colours. It has made me appreciate the things that seem to be moving and just waiting to be seen. The heat and rain of late summer has beautiful displays to enjoy.

It has also connected me in an unexpected way to some of the people I work with, a fifteen minute bus ride has been the space to deepen any kind of relationship even if it remains one of acquaintance. It has meant that I feel more confident asking how they are when we are both at work and that has made me feel less anxious in small and significant ways.

I’ve been effusive in the benefits but the more sobering thoughts are the fact that evidence of homelessness and impacts of economic realities are more visible with my sudden change to using public transport. These are also the small worlds that others embody and they are part of the whole experiencce, and not to be shied away from despite the perception that they are not attractive. They deserve to be a part just as much as the more attractive parts.

If you read last weeks post, you’ll see that I freely wrote my thoughts about disability and this piece won’t be as serious, gotta balance it all out in the end. This week is more in line with the concept of exploring small worlds around you and hopefully giving you the space to see your experiences with new eyes.

This week I want to concentrate on the changes I made to my commute. While I was taking a private vehicle due to the fact that the public transport journey was going to be fifty minutes longer. Due to an incident I was motivated to change this and I have been taking my public transport to work again (having done this for other jobs in the past).

It has hit me how different this all is. The upsides of not having to deal with the anxieties of other people on the road and having to make decisions all the time, the money is less than the fuel which always seems to be going up and the fact that I could have a quiet time before I went to work that you can’t really have when making decisions on Sydney roads.

But there is something interesting from a small worlds perspective, and this is what compelled me to write this piece and to find new things to think about. A strange experience to watch similar people get on and off buses. Although I don’t know them I am connected, seeing the same people do the same things with you can have that affect. A sense of consistency of sorts.

It has me more connected with the things on my walks around and to my workplace. I see the subtle changes, the blooms and changes of colours. It has made me appreciate the things that seem to be moving and just waiting to be seen. The heat and rain of late summer has beautiful displays to enjoy.

It has also connected me in an unexpected way to some of the people I work with, a fifteen minute bus ride has been the space to deepen any kind of relationship even if it remains one of acquaintance. It has meant that I feel more confident asking how they are when we are both at work and that has made me feel less anxious in small and significant ways.

I’ve been effusive in the benefits but the more sobering thoughts are the fact that evidence of homelessness and impacts of economic realities are more visible with my sudden change to using public transport. These are also the small worlds that others embody and they are part of the whole experience, and not to be shied away from despite the perception that they are not attractive. They deserve to be a part just as much as the more attractive parts.

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exploresmallworlds · 3 months

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Interregum: writer tales

My two projects are vastly different. These are different styles. A deeply personal introspection on the world outside and the other one is exploring the world of the characters which aren't necessarily myself (although somewhat myself of course).

I have written a bit and yesterday i had to give myself the strength to look at the things that I have already written and published. Even as a blog, I still get scared about what I am going to put to my goblin persona. i had them sitting in my scrivener and I wasn't even sure that they were good enough. And they have to be good enough to update because there isn't anything else that is compelling it except the strange impetus of missing out on a couple of months while I had a break.

So if anyone reads and thinks that they have been creating stuff and it hasn't felt strong enough to publish or even that it needs more work please know that even though I have hit my my modest goal of getting better at writing I am still looking at my work and I am still having concerns about the validity of publishing it.

And I am comforted by my conversations with one of my friends that have the same issue with writers block because this person is one of the smartest and most skilled writers that I know and he can't even open a book or listen to audiobook or even write due to burnout. And that is a sobering thought. That our output doesn't have anything to do with our blocks in our brain. That person is still the smartest and most skilled writer even in their blocked state. And that is the trust you have to have in yourself.

#writerproblems #writerontumblr #fledgingwriter #writingprogress #writingaboutwriting #trust #projects #drabbles #thoughts #writingthoughts #creativewriting #writing #writingjourney #interregum #trustissues #friendship #writersblock #contentcreator

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exploresmallworlds · 3 months

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The Disability Paradox

The first time I found out that Greco Roman societies considered being a woman to be in the category that we would ascribe to being disabled I was confused and let out a laugh. But this underprivileged and disabled groups were also the non citizen, slaves and foreigners. Those who were able to operate in society or more correctly were not able to operate without barriers and hurdles were a large amount of their society.

And I think that there is a way to understanding the social construction and really pick apart the lengths that people go towards understanding and processing disability. Especially in light of the way that we perceive challenges.

Aging is a disability because there are impairment, but could we consider that race and social class as disabilities. Because there are many people without access to appropriate accommodations because of their cost and stigma. But so is being indigenous and being a woman or a poor person.

Its the reason that rates of people who disclose a disability when applying for a job are about a quarter and over half of those people regret their disclosure because inevitably comes with a disparagement of their capabilities.

I’ve had my experiences with disclosure and it’s one that I wouldn’t do again lightly because often it is quick path to the door when anything would be uncomfortable. That my words were lightly considered might not be because of my different neurotype but because of my inherent social disability of being a woman.

With this is the very real reality that this high rates of diagnoses are built in the concept that with the increasing inhabitability of societies and their strained relationships with natural systems, difference is exacerbated. With the increase in distress, anxiety and depression have been steadily rising even accounting for increased understanding, would be clue to this reality. It is the reality that ‘disabled’ people have always survived in societies but this one with it’s greed and pressure to productivity is hurting everyone, and suddenly the difference is magnified. Thus those taxpayer funded increase in support.

With social construction, it is hard to consider that extracting difference from political change is impossible. Because the reduction of disability isn’t in a government department but instead reachable to everyone, in the way that we accommodate in our workplaces and schools and churches. It is a whole of society approach. Built into this are the continuous disablement in particular the medical system which imposes its understandings with the excuse that its too much effort to be inclusive.

The only problem is that drive to productivity is understandably antithetical to accommodation. Instead of seeing the difficulty of asking for help and the widespread culture of ignoring discomfort that difference represents. It costs a lot to accommodate and a system that is built to extract, this cost is too high.

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exploresmallworlds · 4 months

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some of the photos that I took last year and some of the things that I have written about in the progress of my blog that I update every week exploring small worlds in Sydney (and occasionally beyond)

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exploresmallworlds · 4 months

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2024 and expectations

It’s a the new year and there is a lot of wrap up posts on social media. There is a generalised feeling that this is the time to start new things and commit to something new including health and wellbeing goals.

I’ve been thinking a bit over the period where I’ve been resting. The holiday period isn’t a celebration of getting through the longest part of the year and we don’t often see our experiences where the heat takes over and it is a holidays to go out and enjoy that.

But more than climate and temperature is the sense of expectations that are and are not explored. I’ve already talked about the expectation to see our stories and experiences being explored and the disconnect we feel when we don’t. Despite these not matching the world around us, we still obsess with them.

In the process of evaluation I was struck by the way that in being more critical of my expectations (through the help of community) I was able to manage outside expectations better. There were serious dips in the way that this manifested. But instead of building new expectations I’m going to continue on these expectations. Without critique many of these expectations are creating problems. An expectation to have security has created inequality, the expectation for connection and community can sometimes feel overwhelming and anxiety ridden when it becomes too much. And these are not the only expectations that need to be examined more. Economists and policy makers have always expected reproductive labour necessary to continue but an informal but effective child strike is causing great concern.

I want to be somewhat of a hypocrite in that I am meeting my expectations for my writing. I have succeeded at the goal I set of getting better with my writing in a structured way. I am on the second draft of a project that I am enthusiastic about. I have evaluated that I want to continue with the progress towards better communication and more joy that exploring the world engenders. I am overwhelmed with the fuller understanding of the place that I live in and learning to appreciate its strange and wonderful places, people and things.

If any expectations that I want to be explicit about, it is the reality that I want to explore more, read more, and learn. I have evaluated that although I have achieved that humble goal I have more progress to go.

Although there is no goals or implications to my writing, I do want to emphasise the progress as a suggestion to explore what you appreciate and are concerned about. Be more mindful when expectations are thrown around and find their genesis and then maybe their iteration into newer, more interesting world could begin. Explore the small worlds that you are present for, your workplace, your environment, houses and institutions. And I hope that when you are confident you’ll share your explorations too.

Even though theses are small and humble it doesn’t remove their significance.

#writing #australia #nsw #sydney #expectations #newyear #2024 #newyearsgoals #improvement #progress #interesting #confidence #writer #blog #blogger #australian #content

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exploresmallworlds · 5 months

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The Outsider by Camus and Sydney

I teased that I would be writing about the books that I am encountering. And like I said yesterday, I have had the Outsider by Albert Camus sitting on my shelf for a while. And unless I read them, the book on my shelf will continue to be unread. I knew about the principles of existentialism but it’s another thing to read it.

I was struck not only by the story and its evocative literary passages. It is a short book and it thinks about the cynical nature of the main character who in their description is perfunctory and is depressed. It actually is very descriptive about what depression looks like. Everything is still done but only done at a low level that only evokes the most temporary of feelings. Even other people are not able to draw this character out. I was impressed at the truthfulness of his understanding of depression and he writes in a way that suggests that he has thought about it in a way that doesn’t denigrate the experience.

However, something happens and in the process he finds hope in the darkest places. And while I’m encouraging you to read it, it is a evocative of a place and feeling. And it is what I aim for in my writing and understanding.

And I’ve written sadder pieces that have never made it to the light of pubblishing here because I get bogged down in the feelings of living in city. Where it lack any sense of generosity. There is no respite from the grind and the hustle. And there is little meaning in the way that we organise our lives, now that the lies of the older generation have made themselves clear. In their defense, their lies are aspirational and less lies for them who have more buffer against the perfect storm of crisis. The ones that they won’t have to reap the rewards.

It is crucial to think that in Sydney there is a reality that the city gets more divided, although more silently since the lockdowns. But it is still divided and it could inspire the sense of disassociation and malaise that the main character experiences. And while I am only game enough to say that I have felt this malaise, I have checked in with the people around me who have similar conditions. Of the unchecked greed and corruption that festers. That is reasonable considering it historical and geographical position but dispiriting nonetheless.

But, and this is the but, the upswing, is that only with the impending consequences does the main character recognise that there is wonder and joy to be found. Although there is all these things and the outsize issues of degradation of our social institutions and economic futures there is wonder. It is lying in the park when the first moments of dusk. When the heat of the day has left and the wind gently flicks over and the clear sky above is inviting you to lie back and watch it. The clear water of the rock pools of Baranagaroo, the mild winters. There is a reason that tourists are appreciative of it beauty.

This is not, I am clear that those who make it their home to sit back and let these forces that enclose more of the public space in a bit to extract more money. This greed and corruption are not to be given into. But something of this defiance is to hope that it will be better and develop those communities that will support when the inevitable failure of the old institutions like churches and political parties unless they adapt to the new moral paradigm.

There is a reason that we would brave these competing issues. Even in the process of appreciation and wonder inspired by looking for it, we still might not even make it. This city is after all for its beauty and facade still not generous. But it doesn’t mean that we need to give in

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exploresmallworlds · 5 months

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What to do after Nanowrimo

I have a confession, despite my extensive discussion about doing Nanowrimo this year, due to things that I couldn't really explain and listening to my body and my ability to write, I wasn't able to make it to the elusive fifty thousand words. I got pretty close with 46 000 words.

However, I was able to write 46 000 words. And I think that a practice of writing this year and uploading something every week, was very helpful to the quality and the skill in which I was able to write this year.

And as I sat down, in early December having been absent from writing on this blog for a week, I am convinced that I am able to do 10 000 words a month. Its only a fifth of what I was able to achieve in the month of November and I think that its doable. I'm so keen to write more and publish it.

My brain needs to put it out there to have the accountability, its the reason that I've already consistently been writing this year. I've seen the value in the quality and ability to write. Although I think its a cliche, nothing else seems appropriate but that writing is just like a muscle.

I also have the bandwidth to go back to my multiple projects on the go and I'm excited to work on these. I have been sitting here for a little while while I worked on my sci fi works.

The next project that I'm going to thread my work and my posting will be reading through the books that own, that sit on my shelf but I haven't gotten around to reading and unless I make it a consistent thing they will just sit there.

I have finished "The Outsider" by Albert Camus. Something that I've lugged around since I finished university and I think has made eight or nine moves. I'm so keen to knock it off and now I can put it on my read shelf to consider. It is a strange piece of philosophical fiction and its really interesting. I had more thoughts about it that I am in the process of distilling and releasing later in the week.

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exploresmallworlds · 5 months

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Nano Day 27

I'm not consistent with updates, but I'm 80% done and this is approximately where I stopped the last time I attempted Nano. Although I will say that I have a stronger story and I have spent time at the end of the process, plotting out the things. And it seems a bit backwards to plot when a significant chunk of the draft has been written. But bear with me.

I think that I when I started I had a vague thought about how things were going to go, and instead of getting bogged down in the details I started writing. And it wasn't very good, still isn't very good but I actually know who the characters are now. And I've changed things, of course things are going to change, that is the reality writing and first drafts. But if the strongest stories are the ones that are character driven, I think finding the character and then the story is the way that makes sense to me.

I've also stopped thinking about the story in the linear way that it will probably function in. And today was writing the moment before the finale. And it was wildly cathartic.

The whole writing experience this month (now almost done) is that late at night is my best time for writing. It feels like that when the sun is down, I am done with doing things and now I can think clearly.

I'm just about to head off to bed, and the cat of the house has kept me imprisoned a little longer than anticipated by being the cutest lap cat.

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exploresmallworlds · 5 months

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Nano Day 24

Although I have often despaired over my time management and "follow through" I'm here, with the end in sight and I'm thinking that II might actually finish my work in progress. Okay, that's a filthy lie. And I realised that I am doing the second deconstruction of my upbringing. Having done the first version of this over seven years ago.

That's what writing Seventh Day Adventists as a space colonists will do for you.

I was affirmed in my process, when I saw the quote by Behrouz Boochani and basically in it he said he had different experiences he would have written a different book. And while there is a maxim about writing what you know and its trite now. But honestly I couldn't have written as much or with as much authenticity when I am describing things and people and ideas.

It also means that my experiences are valid and useful. This deconstruction is not figure out what I don't belief any more, this one is less about the beliefs and now, what the beliefs do. In the process of writing this book, I have made some significant revelations about my life that while they were hinted at, were exposed for more truth. They weren't any less truthful before but with time and experience and developing education in a number of realms I am able to make more interesting points.

It took me seven years gone to write this piece, but it took me all of my life to make these points and destroy them. Because although I know that there are good people of faith, all of them are involved more or less in upholding the other more unscrupulous parts of their faith and institutions. While a lot of institutions are failing for particular reason, it is this particular institution that has it's foibles exposed in a way that provides solace for other people who have left, those who are sitting inside services who are questioning.

I'm telling the story that I was looking for when I left. Because, although leaving religion and Christanity has plenty of stories there are less about leaving Adventism. I want a story that reminds them that they are not alone, especially when the questioning feels wrong and bad.

It's also the first time that I've publicly made it clear where I stand and that is refreshing too. And I have had discussions about how my behaviour is appropriate and also some people reach out to me to come back. Their behaviour earned them a place in some of characterisation of one of the characters in my wip.

#adventist #seventhdayadventist #deconstruction #seconddeconstruction #nanowrimo #nanowrimo2023 #nano2023 #writing #inspiration #exadventist #exseventhdayadventist #wip #truth #healing #affirming #blog #exchristian

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exploresmallworlds · 5 months

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The Nuance of Social Cohesion

I’ve always wanted to explore Sydney as part of a blog called Explore small worlds but as I was writing my last piece in which I discussed social cohesion and it did give me serious (traumatic) flashbacks to belonging for HSC.

The previous piece talks about the reality of macro social cohesion, something that is evident in the micro scale. After a spike of social cohesion over the period of the pandemic, rates of social cohesion has dropped below 2019 levels. I think that it doesn’t consider the micro experiences that make up the wider macro trend. Although that piece identified that economics.

Sydney has always existed on some version of segregation, being a colonial outpost first and then nexus of that colonial empire and finally resting in it’s current state as the global city rife with the stashing of expensive properties of foreign nationals. A friend quipped that Sydney isn’t a fruit salad but rather it is is fruit bowl. And that rang true. Telling somebody where you live is built in with assumptions about your place. And often describing unfamiliar places is accompanied with quips like “that’s where x lives”. And the discussion that Melina Marchetta makes in Looking for Alibrandi where people live in Sydney and they never interact.

I’ve come from a small world and its one that I didn’t fit in. My beliefs eventually made me more different although it was ongoing trend. The straw that broke the camel’s back was the treatment of women in that place. And although I know many strong women, they were not acknowledged in leadership and that showed me their patriarchal underpinnings. Although some were able to square the circle of this I was not able to. This world was stifling small, although I acknowledge very comfortable for others.

When I left I was so keen to find new bigger worlds, and in the seven years that I have left this world I have been reminded that although this is small and I didn’t fit in, there are many small worlds that exist in similar ways. I’ve come to understand that the world is small and Sydney is even smaller as I find mutuals in the most disparate of places. I’ve been given a unique perspective as someone who has explored more a than few small worlds, and I have concluded that the problems that have been identified as problems of small religious communities are found in many different small communities. And similar processes about effectively shielding those with serious concerns.

There is a underlying fetishism that with the ongoing crisis, small communities are the way that we support our out of these. It’s one that I still believe with caveats. Although I know that in times of crisis there is increased social cohesion as reflected in the increase over lock downs, when the immediate crisis goes away like it has now, then we are left without similar levels. The problem is that the affects of climate change are evident but they aren’t being felt in the small communities that most Sydney-siders reside in. Although with the outer rim of Sydney being more prone to bush fires there is less necessity overall.

The segregation in Sydney is now pushing its residents to be pushed out, and this dispersal of real options for younger people is fueling their lack of social cohesion. The reality of needing any kind of intergenerational wealth is becoming more and more relevant. And those who set policy controls are those who have benefited from stability and security in housing and work in a way that we can only aspire to.

I think that sitting on the marginal space, although now I am an adult I now have a solid network and community. For people like me who have this marginal experience I think that there is implicit exclusion that doesn’t allow grace or any kind of space for difference. Although some of those who reside in those small worlds, are not terrible people but the cultures that are preserved in those small worlds are ones that need to retreat harder in the face of insecurity and instability. Although an understandable position, its one that doesn’t seek difference and diversity of though to expand the resonance chamber. Often the only time that people interact with people with people who are different would be in a fleeting way and when it goes negative, it is final. Although, my generation has been traditionally understood to popularise the concept of “if it doesn’t serve you, leave it”. And that kind of attitude doesn’t sit in the discomfort, despite the understandable concerns that it responds to. There is a space in the middle that establishes good boundaries and expects them to be firm but also is concerned with developing stronger cohesion by allowing a greater communal experience.

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exploresmallworlds · 5 months

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Nano day 17

I've had a breakthrough yesterday, after a panic attack of course, that's required. And while it seems really obvious, I had been writing primarily to find the plot and that is part of it. But I had a moment where I just wrote silly titles on scrivener and just wrote some stuff that was actually based on things that I had actually seen and that was the catalyst for better and more extensive writing. I also had a go at writing some drabbles, using the Nanowrimo youtube prompts:

Put them in an environment that they don't feel comfortable and put them in an environment that they are comfortable.

Outcome: wrote some very character study based on the previous work that I had done on writing out what the characters were.

Put them in nature

Outcome: that was harder because its set on a spaceship heading for mars but I got them to watch a nature documentary about leaving earth.

Put them in a party and watch their reaction

Outcome: again pretty hard because it is a religious cult seeking to colonise Mars

I have an idea what the plot and the outcome - but the plot really is just there to explore character and I've not spent much time excited to explore that. I know that I can make it more plot related when I edit it. Up until this point I had been posting up the chapters as I wrote it. And honestly considering the quality of the writing that is coming out at the moment compared to that it feels like it isn't quite good enough to publish.

However, I have published the first and second parts to an old WIP that I did procrastiedit about rewriting a fairytale and its called the Green Dragon.

Here's part one

Here's part two

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exploresmallworlds · 6 months

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Nano day 11

Today is Remembrance Day. It seems fitting that I am writing a lot about what I went through and transposing it in space. I am enjoying the challenge. I thought that my scattered brain had actually lost all motivation. But then I hit 2k (which doesn't get me to the recommended word count) and I'm really happy to get three scenes completed.

A lot of what the characters say are versions of what I felt and what I think, but there is a wonderful feeling that in fiction you get to say it out loud and not keep them to myself because there is reality I wasn't able to say many of these things, and even if I had said them it wouldn't have mattered. I say this because I wrote about consent today, and it was the crystallisation of all the things that I have learnt in the ten years since I was just starting my adult journey and the strangeness that has been around since leaving Christianity and all its cultural accouremonts.

If this goes further than being posted on my other blog: @bitsandpiecesaworkinprogress (which if you want to check please do so). I do want my writing to hopefully resonate with people who might be in there or see a resonance that reminds them that there are other people who have thought some of the same things as them.

I haven't yet tackled another writing exercise but keen for that. I am really feeling that my writing has actually gotten better in combination of the actual writing, writing exercises and the interminable job applications that I'm writing.

29% (14,572 out of 50,000 words)

#nanowrimo #shamelessplug #writing #nano #nanowrimo2023 #nano2023 #writer #2ndtime #underpar #memories #challenge #feelingtheburn #motivation #chronicle #myfeelings #catharsis #twentyninepercent

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exploresmallworlds · 6 months

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Nano day 10

Writing exercise asked me to write a piece using the first and last sentence to write some stuff.

I chose #atelltaleheart by #edgarallanpoe. Having just read it for the first time a few days ago.

While it was interesting to write in a different style of writing and using the gothic horror elements that I want to emulate and iterate, it was enlightening to me what was the real horror.

I'm enjoying my journey through different writing exercises. If I create something that is worth publishing maybe I'll excerpt some of it.

Current total: 12 429 (25%)

#nanowrimo #nano #nano2023 #telltaleheart #horror #writing #different #perspectives #edgarallanpoe #shortstory #edwardian #gothic #drafting #australiangothic #sydney #australia\#writingexercises #exercise

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exploresmallworlds · 6 months

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5 posts!

#5 posts #tumblr milestone #writing #exploresmallworlds #australianwriting #newcontent #oldcontent #instagram #australianwriter #sydney #newsouthwales #australia #nsw

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exploresmallworlds · 6 months

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The Dispossession of the Birds

They seem pretty ubiquitous, especially in my job at Barangaroo. Or they should. Seagulls and pigeons. These are the natural inhabitants of a foreshore. Especially the screaming seagulls. But also pigeons as well, those winged rats. They strut around, some with the evidence of better breeding with their luminescent neck feathers. Their bright purples and greens contrast with their gray bodies. And they have descended in great numbers because there is a good source of food, all the restaurants dot the foreshore, and people are unable to stop dropping tasty morsels.

For the seagulls in particular, this is their natural home. They are sea birds who come to roost on the edge of the water. But you won’t see them much now. And it soon becomes obvious, occasionally a dog will walk by with handlers and have the label seagull patrol on his coat. It's always good to see a doggo, one or many, it's always a good time. Clearly the businesses and their leaseholder; that would be Lendlease and the Crown Casino, want the seagulls and other birds to be away from the patrons along the foreshore. Because they are inconvenienced, they swoop into private dining spaces and take what isn’t theirs.

The sad reality is that humans were very keen to develop and appreciate the view of Baranagaroo but when faced with an inconvenience like the natural animals of this area they expend excessive resources to keep those parts of the experience away. There might be more coastline for the seagulls to stay for now, but as more and more of Sydney’s foreshore is exploited and the spaces for these members of our geographical community are driven into smaller and smaller spaces, imagine that there would be a time when there is no more space for them. .

Those animals play an important part of the ecosystem and they are herded away without any consideration for the reason that they might have made their home here. While I was employed for a while by one of those restaurants and my employment was built on the fact that development was necessary for that job, I don’t think that restaurants and businesses should be there. And throwing a little park in a corner of the development area isn’t going to solve the ecological problem. Economic interests have captured visions for geographical space, and not to the communities benefit. Dispossession looks a bit different today that it has in the past but it has the same outcome: continuous privatization. Of public spaces, of thought, of communities - all of them.

Maybe we need to live with and appreciate the inconvenient bits of geography. If we would like to highlight how much the seagulls and the other birds that have flocked here for a quick meal and that they have become aggressive in their tactics, then maybe that perspective needs to be turned around on those corporations. Is it not true that those large corporations think that they can make quick profits and have become aggressive in their tactics to silence communities. They lead us now, only paying lip service to the politicians and government. Unfortunately we don’t have a dog that doesn’t scare away greedy profiteers. Unfortunately governments and the people they lead are more likely to live with that though.

#sydney #birds #newsouthwales #nsw #australia #writing #writerontumblr #blog #pigeons #ibis #dispossession #colonisation #survival #state #birdpoo #poop #foreshore #baranagaroo #doggo #pats

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exploresmallworlds · 6 months

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Day 9 of Nanowrimo

I’ve made it clear that I’m doing Nanowrimo, the novel writing month, and I’m really feeling the stress of other things while I’m writing and some of it will be about the stories that I want to write about Sydney, some of is the emotions that I’m finding as write and find catharsis about other things. I’m realising how much the emotions really are affecting me and I’m not sure how to feel about it. I don’t want to make this blog or the writing everything to do with my mental state as I write it because I have other things to think about too, about characters and place and different plots that I want to try out, and what it looks like to have short form fiction not really “have” a plot. And then in the process of writing I have million different ideas, popping up from the subconscious from whence they were left alone because I know that I have concentrate on one at a time because the way that my brain work - it just wants to work on novelty and that doesn’t get you very far. I don’t think that I’m a very good writer, just one that’s in progress.

And separate to all of this is the fact that I have think about the more mundane things about living in Sydney, the very fact that I’m having difficulty parsing out what workplaces can understand and how much this is impacting the mental energy that I want to be using on my Nanowrimo journey.

While I am not going to deliver all my thoughts on either because this isn’t what this is exactly about, its about process of exploring small worlds. And some of those small worlds intersect. The reality of regulating emotions in a world that is very difficult to live in is a “not finished” place. But neither is it worth mentioning after the fact because I don’t know if there is someone that needs to hear that it’s okay to be bad at regulating emotions, and its okay to not because their environmental concerns aren’t letting them do that thing. The environmental concerns being the constant impacts of ignoring the world around us because we aren’t able to understand or process it because we are such a state of survival.

I’m not going to outline the tips to regulate emotions because the obvious ones are just to look after yourself. But it is developing and creating a small world that is conducive to supporting you through this. And while many people have found that community through established institutions, I’ve found largely that these institutions are not fit for purpose. They hold that community and its benefits with conditional practice. Only those who are deemed to be appropriate and reasonable are afforded it’s benefit. Even if you have a history with those places, that doesn’t mean that they have the appropriate grace to continue to support anybody. That comes to mean that while there are definitely people who are generous and personable inside those places, not a peep when they push you out. And that does have the affect of isolating those people. In my case it reminded me that even when you give people chance after chance, the initial instincts are correct.

I feel sorry for those people who conditionally help. In the process of not even considering they demonstrated the lie inherent to their words. I can’t imagine why people would leave conditional support behind.

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exploresmallworlds · 6 months

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Rookwood's Elegy

Going to a cemetery, without the express purpose of attending a funeral or contemplating the resting space of someone, is strange. Cemeteries have been shrouded with an overwhelming sense of negativity, of particular mourning. The coffee cups on the ground, the evidence that relatively recently it was used for its immediate intended purpose. I can only imagine that they were discarded after a funeral or memorial, the caffeine a way to manage and keep their heads up emotionally. The coffee cups aren’t the only evidence of recent activity at this place, the empty bottles that once held alcohol are also littered in the same vicinity. Life abounds, an unusual companion to the morbid reality inside its grounds. It is, in defiance of anxiety, of coming to grips with death in its presence, in a way that builds on a tradition that has Mary Shelley as its high priestess.

A visit on a cold and drizzly day, perfectly underscores the mood like it's intentional and scripted. Walking in between graves in long coats and comfortable shoes, it is appropriately somber, but the evidence of other humans and non humans makes us pause longer than any one of the inscriptions on the graves themselves. Memorials are the main attraction of course. My understanding of death built from the playbook of being uncomfortable and anxious about death, only comforted by eternal life. A gift from the people still living. The living environment of the cemetery. The trees with the visible non human life and the invisible to our eyes contribution of the ecosystem to the soil around us.

The part visited was the oldest part, drifted rather than really walking towards the graves that were transferred from that original cemetery. These graves are tighter around them, a reality that graves take up space and these bodies have already been exhumed a few times, it need not take up more than necessary. This is not repeated with other parts of Rookwood with extravagant displays and more land than absolutely necessary with fancy mausoleums.

The symbols of remembrance are spelled out in careful clipping and flower arrangements both plastic and organic. Most of the graves, the lettering is weathered, most are disappearing all together and the odd stands in contrast with a renewal of gravestones and fresh engraving and stone. Most in this section are on their path towards a second death. Some of these graves are genuinely caving into the ground, a neat metaphor for returning to the hungry and all consuming earth after brief lives on it.

And that is where the afternoon has progressed. Some wandering around having arrived about half past two. The light that we arrived in fell, feeling very much like a response to the visitation today. Short days are usual after the solstice but that didn’t seem to fully explain this creeping horror punctuated by disappointment; alien and foreign. It was bearable at first but as it gathered tighter, and prompted a fairly hasty exit was the strange green and red light perched almost in midair. I wasn’t going to investigate if it was indeed benign or it spelled the end of experience on this plane of existence. In the warmth of the sun, away in time and space, this moment seems almost quaint and doesn’t do justice to the impact it had on the edge of consciousness.

Thus this is not only an observation of the ecosystem but also the way to delay for some the second death as well. Memorials delay and seek to defy this second death, at least temporarily because of the mysteries they represent. The residents of the macabre civilisation: the necropolis. Enter John Scott, whose expensive memorial, an phallic obelisk with only two pieces of information. 1. His particulars and 2. “Erected by his employees”. It hints at the kind of man he was. Maybe rich, maybe wealthy - but his employees got the last laugh, immortalising a legacy of loneliness. A tragic if true, full stop to life.

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