#youre just the same if youre expecting me to isolate because surely you live with someone who loves u or you've got people checking in on u

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Smile❤️ (Yandere X Loser!Reader)

Micky thought that he couldn't feel love.

Ever since he could remember, Micky couldn't connect with anyone on an emotional level. Even his own family members were like aliens to him, creatures that stretched their lips into strange contortions, ETs that became unreasonable when he wouldn't do the same. As a teenager many girls flirted with him in school, hell, a few guys did as well, but none of their confessions ever stirred any emotion from him, even at the height of his puberty. The smiles of the people around him never felt warm or welcoming. Just, tight. Cheeks pulled back, revealing teeth, expecting him to mirror their action, and Micky couldn't understand why.

Nothing made him smile.

College was further isolating. Group projects seemed to no longer be a thing, (at least in the classes he took) so his interactions with humans slowly became less frequent, making his classmates look more inhuman and monstrous.

Until someone in his college was doxxed for being a creep. It was interesting, watching how quickly people turned on their friend, forcing him into an outcast because someone online revealed his private post history.

An annoying young woman in his language arts class gathered people around Micky's seat to talk about what had happened. Micky wouldn't have searched up the drama on his own time, but he didn't see the point in pushing everyone away.

"This user on Xforums, anonymousXnightmare is the one who doxxed Nathan."

AnonymousXnightmare? How fucking lame.

"That's a lame username..."

"Maybe it's a kid..?"

Micky did his best to ignore them, but the username kept popping up in conversation throughout campus. It was getting a little annoying. Some people were mocking the name, while others were praising the "internet hero". It started interfering with his ability to focus in his classes.

But the gossip cooled down after a week, and life began to run as normal, until another student had their life ruined. A football player, they didn't post anything incriminating or disturbing. It was anonymousXnightmare who posted their own collected evidence. Pictures taken from afar of the player with his highschool sweetheart, as in sweetheart who was still in highschool. Recordings of the two of them. Months of stalking all compiled by the stranger.

Again, Micky was bombarded by chatter, excitable young adults losing their minds over the situation. It was... irritating.

Back in his dorm room, Micky was scrolling through Xforums, the most popular forum used by students in his university, made by students for students, searching for the loser with the lame username. Scrolling past the photos he had heard about, he found a post stating

"Dear Allen Brackens, if you cannot stop blasting your shitty music in the halls on your shitty speakers, I WILL ruin your life!"

and Micky had to lean back, to just take in what he had read. That must have been the name of the football player. What he was doing was genuinely gross, and should have been exposed by someone. But did this poster really stalk them for what looked like months just because he listened to music they didn't like?

It was so dumb.

He scrolled down farther into the mystery poster's history, to the first man they doxxed.

"Dear Nathan McAllister, we all know you're a two faced little bitch. Either stop littering the campus with your Jesus pamphlets, or else..."

Micky, for the first time in his life, was amused. The whole situation was so stupid. They really ruined their fellow students lives, just because they annoyed them?

He made an account just to follow his mystery poster, not sure yet why he was interested to see what they would post next.

Less than two days later, and Micky's phone notified him of another post.

"Dear Samantha Rudbeckia, your obnoxious laughter is driving me insane. Can't you see how annoying you are? Knock it off."

That was it?! That was enough to set you off? Laughter? Micky paused mid step, still staring down at his phone. Something felt off about his face. It hurt.

It was pretty easy to find anonymousXnightmare in his school. Micky picked up a map of the university, and mapped out the paths of the three people targeted. They ran into a lot of different students throughout their day. But they only ran into a couple of people who openly seemed to hate them, and only one of those people was a student named (Reader). (Reader), who constantly appeared as though they would collapse at any moment, the hollows under their eyes so dark they looked sickly. (Reader), who despite being borderline anemic, was very sneaky, and very good and being unnoticeable despite their extreme appearance. Unfortunately for them, they had someone watching them as closely as they watched their victims bullies. Micky watched as they stealthily snapped photos of students from around corners, how they seemed to blend into the background and nobody noticed them hiding in waiting.

Micky felt ashamed for ever thinking you were lame. You were.. cute.

The way you crouched like a bug, hunched over like a roly poly scared of being picked up. The way you bit your dry lips in anger to the point they bled.

Micky's face hurt more and more. Every time he saw (Reader) a pain he had never felt before would strain at his cheeks, and his face would feel hot all over. It wasn't until he caught a glimpse of himself in his reflection in a window that Micky realized he was smiling. He never knew that smiling hurt. But he couldn't stop it.

Pictures and videos of Samantha and her married professor were posted online, and Micky was excited to know what (Reader's) face would look like when they reaped the fruits of their labor. But when he snuck into their classroom, zooming in on their exhausted face with his phone's camera, he felt a new emotion seeing that (Reader) was just as annoyed as they always were. A hard pit fell from his ribs into his lower stomach. He was disappointed.

Why aren't you happy? You won. You should be rejoicing right now.

He felt conflicted and confused. Like an octopus was throwing a tantrum in his abdomen, squirming uncomfortably. And it ruined his day. Micky couldn't focus on any of his classes, and the rest of his day was like a foggy dream. What was it about (Reader) that attracted him to them so much?

A cute young woman with smooth black hair approached Micky, a dark blush complimenting her picture perfect face.

"Um, excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?"

Micky snapped out of his thoughts, turning his gaze down towards the beautiful person. Her rosey lips were slightly upturned in a posed way.

She's smiling.

Micky internally verbalized it. The same way he did whenever he saw anyone smiling. It never looked good. Smiling was so awkward, and strange. People loved seeing others smiling, and smiled when they were happy, but it always reminded Micky of how not one of them he was.

"Hi! My name is Maggie."

I don't care.

"We have econ together?"

"Okay."

Why was seeing her smile make her look fake, inhuman, alien? Just like everyone else. Then why was Micky so let down seeing (Reader's) lukewarm reaction to their victory?

"I was wondering, I mean, (laughs), a group of us are going out for drinks later, and we, I was wondering if you wanted to come with us.."

She giggled nervously, fiddling her fingers and biting her lip. The image of (Reader) practically eating their lower lip was triggered like a trap. This woman, whose name wasn't worth remembering, made Micky feel nothing. The uncanny feeling of speaking with a living mannequin or an advanced AI. Her movements weren't natural, her smile was just a contraction of muscles. Then, like an epiphany, Micky realized all at once what made (Reader) so special.

Maybe, it wasn't that everyone else was alien, but Micky. Micky was the only one who never fit in. The only one who didn't feel emotions or connect with others like everyone else could. And there was a bug walking around in human clothes, barely staying awake in class and casually ruining peoples' lives simply because they annoyed them. (Reader) wasn't a human either, just like Micky. That's why they didn't seem happy with their victory. Why would a human bring them joy?

Micky's lips pulled tight, smiling brightly at the young woman before walking away without saying a word.

You're the first person to make me feel, because you're just like me. Right, (Reader)? If no one but you can make me feel, then no one but me should be able to make you smile!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

(Reader) slouched over their laptop, their messy hair pulled back in a top bun just to keep their untrimmed bangs out of their eyes in the privacy of their dorm, eating another cup of noodle while reading all of their "fan mail". Samantha wasn't getting kicked out like they had hoped, but Professor what's-his-nuts did get canned, so hopefully when Samantha comes back to class she'll be too busy sobbing "woe is me" to find anything funny.

Ba-ding♪

A private message popped up from an account with an automated username.

(Reader) snorted so hard a noodle went up into their sinuses.

user01793664544001: I know who you are <3

"Ah-ow! God damn!"

anonymousXnightmare: Who the fuck is this?

user01793664544001: ur prince charming <3

anonymousXnightmare: Don't fuck with me

user01793664544001: come find me

"Watch me, bitch."

Looking up IP addresses is a lot easier than people make it seem. It doesn't take a genius hacker to doxx someone. Of course, (Reader) goes above and beyond, often following assholes for months to collect evidence of their douche baggery. (Reader) got an address in less time than it took to finish their noodles, and took down their hair, quickly setting out to start getting information on their newest "bully".

The address took them to another dorm across campus. How dumb are they? (Reader) faux chuckled, feeling superior to this newest dick. No one was quite as smart as them.

As they crept through the building, no one payed them any attention as they began taking notes on the residents. It had to be one of these losers.

They didn't have a chance to fight back, as they passed one of the rooms the door opened and pulled them inside faster than they had a chance to scream. The man who abducted (Reader) wrestled them to the floor, panting heavily.

(Reader) glared up at the handsome stranger, smiling down at them in a creepy way, his cheeks twitching like he had never smiled before, like his face hurt from the small action. His face was pink and he was sweating, panting with a feverish moisture glazing his eyes.

"Aren't you happy? You found me~"

"G-Get off of me, you pervert!" (Reader) attempted to kick the kidnapper off of them.

This wasn't the answer he was looking for. His smile fell briefly before bouncing back.

"You're just upset because you don't know me yet. Don't worry, it took me a while to realize you and I were the same species as well, so don't worry. I'll wait, I'll wait for you to realize you love me too..."

He rambled quickly, pressing harder against (Reader's) body. A strange noise squeaked out of his throat as he seemed startled, (Reader) feeling a bulge form against their upper thigh.

"Ah, I'll wait.. I'll wait for you to love me too.. but I need you to do something for me while I wait.."

Micky stuck his fingers in (Reader's) mouth, pulling their dry lips out till they bled across his skin.

"Smile for me..."

#yandere x reader #yandere oc #yandere x darling #yandere #pathetic loser #loser reader #tw stalking #bully reader #yandere fanfiction #gender neutral reader #romance #not proofread

[kaciidubs]

hey kacii boo 💞 i have a request if that’s okay?

hear me out ☝️

a/b/o OT8 skz x omega reader and reader finds out she is pregnant? the boys start noticing her acting different and she accidentally leaves a pregnancy test on the counter, causing the boys to see. When she gets home, the boys sit her down and talk to her about it ending in group cuddles from the boys 🫶🏻

I'm in love with this, truly! ❣ Word Count: 1.9k [I did not mean to type that much] ❣ Warnings: A/B/O Poly! SKZ x Omega! Reader, pregnancy, angst if you squint, mention of birth control, fluff, comfort ❣ Additional Tags: Mentions of Chris being an alpha, Felix, Jisung and Hyunjin being omegas as the only specific pack roles, no clear mated pairings within the pack but it's sort of Chris x Reader centered toward the end

It would begin with the most intuitive of the pack members noticing your extremely slight deviation from your usual routines - Felix.

He was a fellow omega, like Jisung and Hyunjin, but he was the most aware of everyone's trends and habits; which meant it was immediately apparent to him that something was wrong when you start doing small things like wearing pajama pants around the house as opposed to your favorite, work out pajama shorts.

Eventually, the small things he noticed began to grow into big things that the rest of his pack mates would catch onto, such as the way you turned away your favorite snacks when Changbin offered them, or the way you couldn't seem to stand the smell of Seungmin's shampoo though you spent countless nights washing his hair with the same product before. There was even one night where you snapped at Jeongin when he tried cuddling up to you when you least expected it, then immediately started crying because you felt bad.

Since that night you'd resorted to staying in the "guest room", which was simply a spare room for anyone who needed their own space for some time - which was highly disliked by each of your pack mates, but they wouldn't take away your decision.

One day, when you were out running a few errands, Minho was the brave soul who would venture into your temporary room to do a bathroom sweep to clean and take out any trash. What he didn't expect, however, was the waft of an overly sweet scent overwhelming his senses the second he opened the door - nor was he expecting to stumble across a plastic pregnancy test on the counter.

When you walked through the front door, reusable bags in hand, you were met with eight pairs of eyes staring at you, freezing you in place as you stared back with worried confusion.

"Um... Hi?"

The mix of scents usually eased you, but with the thick layer of anticipation and worry threaded throughout, you weren't sure what to expect.

"Kitten, can you come sit with us for a minute?" Minho offered softly as Changbin was the first to stand, walking over to take the bags from your hands and bring them to the kitchen for the time being.

Left with no other choice, you walked into the living room and sat in the empty space between Felix and Hyunjin; Jisung sliding onto the floor to rest against your leg while Jeongin and Seungmin settled against the opposite, before Changbin filled the space behind Hyunjin while Minho remained next to Felix.

Easing into the comfortable, impromptu cuddle puddle, you figured the impending discussion was going to be simple until Chris stood before the group - directly in front of you.

"Love... You know you can tell us anything, right?"

You bristled at his cautious tone, though the feeling of Hyunjin's hand grazing against your own eased your guard. "I know I can - what's this about?"

"You've been acting different lately, and at first we just thought it was because of a period, or a new symptom of your heat coming up, but then you started avoiding food and smells, and isolating yourself from us." Chris tried his best to keep his tone level, to keep the authority that swelled within him at a tolerable value, but his unwavering gaze showed all of his emotions. "Then Minho found this-" reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out the same device that had thrown you into a panicked fit, so much so that you had to leave the house for a sudden errand run, "-and it all started to make sense. Why didn't you tell us you were pregnant, love?"

A pang of shame shot through your heart like an arrow, and judging by the disheartened whines from the boys immediately around you, they already felt the shift within you.

"We aren't upset, Jagi," Jisung pouted up at you as he nudged your thigh with his nose, round eyes filled with love.

Hyunjin nodded against your shoulder, bringing your hand up to press a soft kiss to the back, "We're just worried about you, muse."

A shivering breath rattled through you as you blinked back hot tears, looking up at the eldest, the head alpha among your unlikely pack.

"C-Chris, I- I don't-" You sniffled, cursing the tremble in your voice, "I wasn't trying to keep it a secret, I swear - I knew something was different but I didn't want to assume anything until I took the test last night and-" Biting back a sob, you felt a soft touch against your cheek - Minho's hand wiping away a stray tear. "I just... I didn't know how to say it so I went out to clear my head and figure out the words to say to you - to everyone because I- I'm not sure who got me pregnant! I didn't even skip my birth control, for fucks sake!"

This wasn't planned - despite a few discussions here and there about the potential idea of introducing pups in the future, none of you had done the true mating bond to solidify who would be the one to directly grow the pack with you, and the stress of it all had pushed you to isolation without you even realizing until you'd moved yourself to the guest room.

"Bunny, please take a breath for us." Changbin pleaded, leaning over so you could have a clear view of his comforting gaze, "You know none of us would be any type of hurt over who's pup you're carrying, not when it's the miracle of you being the one bearing them. It doesn't matter who did it, we'll figure that out when the time comes, all that matters is you being healthy and cared for - no more isolating."

"Bin's right," Chris piped up once more, drawing all attention to him with ease, "all we want to do is make sure you're okay - no matter how sudden this is, I don't think any of us weren't aware of something like this potentially happening. None of this is anyone's fault, none of ours and none of yours, you hear me?"

Nodding softly, you smiled at the subtle sensation of Seungmin squeezing your calf in a hug of sorts while Jeongin nuzzled against your thigh.

Minho cleared his throat softly, leaning forward to take your free hand within his, "I... I didn't mean to intrude on your privacy, Kitten - I would never look through your things without you knowing, and I'm sorry for not going to you first."

You squeezed his hand, looking at him with warm, glimmering eyes, "It's okay, Min, I know you meant well - I'm not mad at you at all. Honestly, it would've only been a matter of time until someone clocked it was pregnancy, anyways."

"You do have a new smell, Pup." Seungmin muttered from the floor, Jeongin nodding alongside him.

"Felix thought you were falling out of the pack - Chan had to talk him off the ledge," Jisung laughed, earning a few chuckles from Changbin and Hyunjin at the recollection of the memory.

The blond whined, lips pursed into a pout, "I was worried we did something wrong! I'm sorry I'm the only one who thinks of these things!"

Cooing, you nudged the side of your head against his, "It's okay, Lixie, there's no way I'd ever think of leaving any of you, you guys are my home."

He hummed softly, and you could feel the cuddle puddle slowly begin to set in but there was one final thing missing before you could truly feel at ease with the situation.

Untangling yourself from the tangle of bodies and arms, you made your way toward the eldest who was watching the scene with warm eyes and a soft smile - something he'd taken a liking to doing when he thought he wasn't being watched.

Without a moment to spare, you wrapped your arms around his middle, melting into the familiar mahogany and coconut scent as his arms wrapped around you in kind, securing you in a natural protective hold.

"I'm sorry for worrying you, Channie." You murmured into his chest before leaning back to look at him, "And I'm sorry for not saying anything when I first felt off, I genuinely didn't think it could've been this."

"You don't have to apologize, baby, you were only doing what you felt was right at the time." Pausing for a moment, he studied your face slowly, "I know this whole conversation was a lot to throw at you so soon, but I just want to make sure... Are you okay with this? Do you want to have a baby right now?"

You nodded before he could even fully finish his second question, "I'm sure - I know I was scared on how to say it, but I never felt scared about not being able to take care of this baby, not when I have the world's most amazing pack to raise it in."

It was the truth, there wasn't a single doubt within you that made you believe that having a pup would be difficult in the pack - it was a possibility, a thought that had been floated around enough to start considering the full mating process, and now was the time to turn that thought into a processing reality.

A deep rumble vibrated through Chris's chest and he ducked his head in an attempt to hide away from the blush that had already consumed his ears, the sound making you melt against his body and draw the attention of the seven boys watching from their seats.

"Someone's happy to be a dad," Hyunjin teased with a grin, earning a scoff from Minho.

"Who says it's him?"

"I'm just saying it cause of his reaction! Technically we're all dads until she gets a scent tie, so why can't I place my bet now?"

Jisung groaned, "Placing bets on a baby is so inhumane... I bet it's Changbin's."

"What?! Why is my name in this now? What if it's Jeongin's?"

The youngest made a sound that could only be best described as confused shock as his head shot up to look at the man, "Listen, I'd be honored, but I can say for a fact it wasn't me! I'm too young to be a father!"

"That's not what you were saying when-"

Chris cleared his throat with a pointed look, "Okay, how about we not have this debate and go cuddle and think about dinner, yeah?"

With that, the mini crowd dispersed in a jumble of comments, heading down the hall toward his room since - in an ironic retrospect - that's where the biggest bed was put.

As the living room grew quieter, he looked at you with warm eyes, "I have a feeling it's mine."

You laughed in shock, hitting his chest lightly, "What happened to 'let's not have this debate', Mr. Bang?"

"It's not a debate! It's just a... speculation, a theory, if you will." He murmured softly, leaning down to press his lips to yours in a quick kiss. "Now come on, the last time that combination went into my room, they turned my bed into a wrestling ring and I just found a replacement for my lamp online."

Letting him lead you down the hall, a soft smile settled onto your lips as your free hand came to subconsciously rest over your stomach - the pride of the new life growing within you and the one changing before your eyes filling you with a new sense of optimism and anticipation.

[unedited]

#✧. ┊ kacii answers #✧. ┊ lovely ihrtlix #stray kids x reader #ot8 x reader #Poly! SKZ x reader #Werewolf! AU #Werewolf! SKZ AU #bang chan x reader #lee minho x reader #seo changbin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #han jisung x reader #lee felix x reader #kim seungmin x reader #yang jeongin x reader

[ellievickstar]

Deserving

Summary: You are left empty and alone by your mate, are you really so undeserving of love? Or is it that you have waited for the same person for too long?

Request: N/A

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Warnings: Self-harm, mentions of alcoholism, so much angst.

~*~*~*~*~

It had been days since you last saw Azriel.

Days of waking up late and going to bed later. Your correspondence between the inner circle were limited and you slipped into a period of complete and total isolation. Maybe it was all too much, maybe it wasn’t enough. But you curled into a ball on your bed everyday, the same scene ringing in your head, over and over and over again, as if it were on a loop.

When was the last time you had actually spoken to anyone else?

That thought was quickly relinquished as a soft but firm knock was against the door. You knew that knock. Groaning you approached the door of your apartment, one that you barely lived in but owned anyways in cases like these. Only four people knew about this place. Azriel, Rhysand, Cassian and…..

“Mor, I wasn’t expecting you,” You masked the numbness from the past few days with a smile. “Cut the bullshit Y/N, you know better than to try and pretend with me,” Your friend deadpanned as she swept past you into your living space. Rolling your eyes, you closed the door behind her as you slid to the floor, drearily groaning.

“How do you know?” You asked carefully, making sure that your voice didn’t crack as you felt the waterworks rise up again. You were more that surprised that your eyes hadn’t dried out by now, considering the fact that you had cried non stop during the first day of your pity party. Mor softened slightly, she had set to picking up the various pieces of trash scattered around the apartment, and she paused, her back facing towards you as if she could. not bear to relieve the news.

“They announced it just now, during dinner. Azriel and Elain are officially together,” Smirking, you shook your head, but tears rolled down your cheeks as you choked out another sob. “I take it Lucien didn’t take it well,” Mor snorted at that

You hadn’t drank, not a sip. You had already gone three years sober after you had turned to alcohol because of what you had gone through under the mountain, how you had followed Amarantha’s orders to be used by the males as she pleased. Shuddering at the memory, you lay down on your side on the floor next to the door.

“I’m proud of you, for not…going back to it,” Mor offered. However, you just closed your eyes. It wouldn’t have mattered if you had gone back to alcoholism and self harm again, you knew you could resist the pull for now, but if you had given into the pain a part of you was more terrified you would not be able to get out of the habit once you spiraled.

Eventually, Mor helped you up, she asked you if you wanted to go to the House of Wind so she could monitor you better and Rhys could help with coping with the ache, but you declined. You could not let Azriel see you like this, especially when he would feel so guilty for….choosing Elain. Memories flooded back as you recalled what had happened.

You had finally found the courage to tell Azriel, your best friend, that he was your mate. And when you did he had looked at you in the eyes and said that he could not handle a mating bond at that moment. You understood, of course, that he may need space, but it was not until later that you caught him. You had caught him kissing Elain.

And yet, you had not rejected the bond yet.

Feeling down to that part of your soul, you grasped that line of the bond that felt like there had been a veil placed over it. It was as if the bond had sensed that you were slowly giving up. Perhaps it was a blessing that Mor came to confirm the news, perhaps it was a blessing that the bond had seemed to dull in the past few days.

But even as Mor asked if there was anything you’d like to tell her, you could not bring yourself to tell your friend of the ache on your abdomen, the scars that you had inflicted on yourself, you couldn’t bring yourself to show her the slashes and marks you had sliced across your skin in various areas, as if punishment for being so unworthy that your own mate would prefer another female over you.

~*~*~*~*~

Another five days passed before you finally dragged yourself to a family dinner. You made sure to a loose blouse that was long sleeved paired with a long flown skirt that you could twirl in to dance should Mor decide it was a good time to take you outside dancing.

Silence seemed to settle over the table as you entered, you smiled as you approached Cassian, he smiled at you as he motioned for you to sit on his left while Nesta sat on his right. Thankfully, Mor sat on your other side while Azriel sat diagonally across the table, out of your view if you tried hard enough. Sweet Elain was beside him as she whispered and he smiled. You wanted to physically gag seeing your mate like that with another, but you shut down the feeling immediately, ensuring to make a shield tailored around the bond so that he would not be able to feel a single thing from you this evening.

You smiled at Feyre as you caught up about any recent books you both had read, Nesta joining into the conversation occasionally, once you kicked Cassian when he laughed about how it was not romance books but just two people screwing each other and breaking up and screwing each other again. Nesta also kicked him, hard.

Rhysand cleared his throat as he spoke to you, grabbing your attention. “So, Y/N how has it been? You’ve been gone for a while, and when was the last time i saw you in long sleeves?” A flicker of understanding suddenly shone in his eyes as he realised. Cassian seemed to pause as he shot a look at you. Indeed, the outfit you wore was far more conservative than anything you had worn in the last year. The only time you had worn such modest clothing was…..

“Y/N, show me your arms,” Cassian said softly. You stopped as you looked up at him, looked around at the table as all of them watched your expectantly. Mor looked like she was in near tears and Elain and Nesta seemed to be unsure what was going on. Feyre looked like she was being filled in on what was happening as she glanced between Rhysand and you. Shaking your head you stood up, ready to walk away.

“As your High Lord, I order you to stop. As your friend, I’m telling you to trust us,” Rhys’s voice rang out and you cursed as your feet planted to the ground. Slowly, you inched up your sleeve to your elbow, and there it was.

Elain gasped and Mor had a tear running down her cheek. Amren soberly looked at you, understanding showing in her eyes. Rhys seemed to recoil and Feyre looked away. Even Cassian looked like he had nothing to say.

There on your forearm was cuts, over and over and over again each other. They were red and barely healed, all fresh. They were supposed to be healing, but you used a vial of Faebane and to slow the process down. You needed to savour the pain.

It was Azriel who asked, “Why?” You eyes fluttered to him, your voice turning cold. “You know why.” And with that you turned to leave. Maybe it wasn’t fair to him. Maybe It was selfish. But you just couldn’t bear it anymore.

You stormed down the steps of the House of Wind. You didn’t have the strength to summon your wings anymore. You didn’t have the strength to do anything. You didn’t care that the guards were watching as you choked out sobs as you stumbled down the stairs, eventually sitting down and facing the sky, praying to the cauldron to released of this horrible pain.

Your head fell in your hands and darkness engulfed your figure as you winnowed home.

~*~*~*~*~

Azriel’s POV

Azriel just sat there, shadows danced around his fingers as they tried to stretch away from him towards her. Not the female that he had convince myself to love, but the female who had run outside, the female who he could hear stumbling down the stairs of the House of Wind.

He wanted to go to her, wanted to comfort her ad tell her everything was fine, that it would be both of them against everything, just as it always used to be.

But how could he do that when he was the very person who had caused her sorrow?

Feeling Cassian’s eyes on Azriel, he demanded an explanation. Azriel should have known this would come, that he would have to face the reality of what he’d done, that he would have to face the regret and guilt that he had been trying to avoid, figuring out how he could possibly fix this on his own. Rhys himself was circling around Azriel’s mental shields, letting me know that if he didn’t want to say anything he could let Rhys in and Rhys would explain for Azriel’s thoughts to the others.

He didn’t deserve their kindness.

“Y/N…is my mate,” Azriel said softly. Cassian swore as he looked towards Elain, then glanced towards the door of the House of Wind where his friend had stumbled outside. Azriel winced, Cass might kill me, he and Y/N had grown up together and had known each other way before me and Rhys, they were almost siblings, and Cass was fiercely protective of Y/N.

Mor was quiet, Azriel would bet a good amount of Rhys’s coin that Mor already knew. It surprised him that Cass didn’t know, but knowing Y/N she likely didn’t tell him because she didn’t want Cass to worry, unluckily for her, Cass would have gone knocking at her door if she had missed just one more family event. After all, it was not like her to miss anything, it never was.

He looked to Elain, and she looked at Azriel with complete utter…he couldn’t place his finger on it. But as she stood up I could barely hear her words over the roaring of my ears.

“I have seen so much, and so little. But now I think it’s time I finally confessed. I knew this would come. I saw that eventually Azriel will come to face the reality that his mate was another, so I will break off my relationship with him. I bear no ill will towards him, I just wish I hadn’t basked in his attention, when I knew another was suffering,” “Suffering!?” Cassian exclaimed, he shot Azriel an accusatory look, “When the hell did you find out she was your mate?” Azriel grew quiet.

“Three days before I announced my relationship with Elain,” Azriel admitted. Rhys shook his head and Amren held a look of distaste. Cassian looked like he wanted to punch him square in the face but as he shot Nesta a look, she nodded and he was out the balcony immediately. He was probably on his way to her apartment, to do what Azriel should be doing, being by her side when it should be Azriel. A sense of possessiveness seemed to rise in him but Rhys slammed against his mental shields.

“You will not act like a territorial brute, what you have done to her is unforgiveable, and now all you can do is give her space. I know it can be hard given her situation, but I promise the rest of us will take care of her, it seems like you need to take care of yourself first and ask yourself why you would do something so stupid as to choose another female over your own mate.”

~*~*~*~*~

You were in your kitchen cured up, you dagger lay a few feet away from you as you pressed your palm against your mouth, muffling your sobs. You heard someone enter but you did not care. If they were an intruder they could kill you, end your misery, perhaps your prayers would have been answered. That was when Illyrian wings came into your view, causing you to hold your breath until Cassian’s face came to view.

You were about to get up, smile and maybe play broken but healing friend — when really it was just broken — until he left, but a flash of brilliant red hair came into view.

Lucien.

Glancing at Cass, he shrugged, I thought you might want someone who could understand what you are going through.

Smiling, you greeted Lucien, he only smiled softly, clearly trying not to look the blood tainted dagger at his feet, trying to avoid glancing at you arms, now on full display as you had changed to more comfortable shirt and shorts.

“I’ll be fine, you didn’t have to come,” You said softly. Softening, Cassian pulled you into a huge bear hug as you grunted. Holding you there for a few seconds he then shit over you onto the couch, where Lucien sat next to you.

After an array of smashing and clashing in your kitchen, Cassian came out with cookies and….coffee. “Gosh you know me so well,” You groaned as you sipped on the coffee that probably had too much sugar but you didn’t care, you took a cookie and ate as you curled up and continued to snack. Lucien smiled slightly and Cassian plopped onto an armchair in the room.

Everything was spinning, and you groaned as you curled up further into the couch, silently wishing you could disappear.

“Does it ever go away…this emptiness?” He stayed quiet at my question. Sighing, I knew I already had my answer. Though Elain never directly rejected the bond, Lucien had always suspected that she would never warm to the idea of the mating bond, he had seen for himself how Elain had looked at the spymaster with far more adoration than she had held for him.

“I just- it feels hollow. And I feel like I’m drowning and empty at the same time,” You choked, shaking silently, “It hurts so much and I can’t, i just can’t do any of this. I’m trying so hard to think that maybe this will all go away, that I will push through this and I will be okay, then I sit down for a second alone and these thought come back to just fuel me again and it overwhelms me. And I spiral again.” Tears continued to flow and you were surprised as Lucien wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close. Holding you there, you cried into Lucien’s chest.

"I don't understand, why would he, hurt me like this. I watched him unconditionally love and fight for Mor, I was so naive to think he'd fight for me too. And now that I see him with Elain I can't help but wonder if I am really so undeserving of my own mate's affection."

Lucien listened and his presence brought you comfort. It made you feel….less alone. And as both of them said goodbye that night you felt reassured.

Maybe it would be okay.

~*~*~*~*~

Months passed and you managed to learn how to avoid Azriel at all cost. You showed up to family outings but never spoke to him and kept close to Lucien as he promised to accompany you. And once a month, you and Lucien would go out and you would drink your sorrows away mournfully. Well, he drank while you sipped a cup of water and tried not to recoil at the stench of alcohol that you had grown to despise.

You had done so well avoiding your problems until Rhys ordered you to do research, with Azriel.

“Can’t I do it with someone else?” “I’m sorry, I know the situation isn’t ideal but there are no records of anything like this existing, if you are ever going to find anything on these creatures, you’ll have to use Azriel’s shadows to scan the bookshelves quicker.” Gritting your teeth, you realised there was no way out of this situation.

Later that day you met Azriel at the library in the House of Wind. Once you acknowledged him, you walked swiftly throughout the library as you read through titles after titles of many books, occasionally passing one or two to Azriel to hold on to so you both could look at them at greater detail later on.

“Y/N I-” “I’d appreciate if we only spoke when necessary, I know you wish to discuss what occurred between us but I believe that there is no need. You made your feelings clear, I have nothing to say anymore, and I have no reason to blame you for following what you thought was right at the time,” You cut him off. You didn’t need the next few hours to become awkward, and he seemed to get the message.

Or so you thought.

The first hour passed with no luck. And you groaned inwardly as you realised the both of you would be here for a while.

The second hour passed and Azriel and you had set into a steady pace where Azriel would go around collecting books he could find while you studied them, you felt like your eyes would fall out from how much boring information you were reading.

The third hour you were ready to call it a day and leave the rest for tomorrow.

And when the fourth hour struck, you found it. Everything Rhys would need to know all in one book. It had been tucked away, hidden from view in between the bookshelves. No one had ever found it because the library wasn’t cleaned in those parts since the books were so ancient, the priestesses were afraid the books would fall apart from the slightest touch.

Cheering, you jumped up and laughed as you stretched your whole body. You needed food, desperately. It wasn’t until you heard that same chuckle did you finally reign yourself in. Smiling politely, you picked up the book and tried to rush out the library, but not before Azriel’s voice once again reached your ears.

“Why can’t you give me another chance?”

Pausing, you sighed as you spoke, your back still facing him as you couldn’t bear to face him, to face the reality of what happened between the two of you.

“Because even now, after all that’s happened. I can’t do it. I can’t help but love you even if I try my hardest not to. Because even now, after all that’s happened, I can’t help but think that you would still choose her. Because I know that you wouldn’t have left her, if she hadn’t left you. And it breaks my heart that even though I am bound to you for the rest of eternity, because maybe if I could choose too, it wouldn’t be you anymore.”

“Why?” Azriel asked, you could hear the desperation in his voice, but you could not let him in again. You watched him love Mor, loved him enough to wait until he was over her, watched as he broke your heart and left you, knowing that the both of you are mates.

“Because, Azriel, I deserve to be loved too.” Nodding, as if trying to convince yourself of this as well, “I deserve to be loved too.”

~*~*~*~*~

A/N: oof. So, I'm gonna let your imagination take the wheel. If enough people want part two i guess? But I'm probably not gonna :D

taglist: @positivewitch

Part 2 out here!

#acotar #acotar fandom #acosf #azriel shadowsinger #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #azriel #azriel angst #azriel x reader #azriel acotar #acotar fanfic #azriel fanfic #azriel x reader angst

[normal-thoughts-official]

here is the thing

when i started playing bg3, i didn't expect wyll to be so devoted to karlach. her devotion to him is a given; the guy risked his life to save her when they had literally just met. of course he matters so much to her

but wyll matched that same devotion right back, as if she had been the one to save him, even though karlach never really got the chance to do anything of that magnitude back for him

but then i think about it

mizora's punishment plays directly into wyll's worst trauma. to be suddenly branded as demonic, so people will always look at him and see that first. like his father did. like the whole city, everyone who ever knew him, did. no amount of good deeds will ever be enough to compensate for his association with evil; his soul will burn in hell and he will not be welcome anywhere because he's a greedy warlock who made his choice. i don't know if that is actually true, but he certainly thinks it to be, if anything, from his assumption that the people of the grove (whose lives he had just saved, and who had known him for at least a few days as nothing but a kind hero who looked out for them) would be unable to look past his appearance and wouldn't want him near them

and mind, mizora clearly wants wyll to stay isolated. why else would she forbid him from explaining the circumstances of his pact? what could she possibly gain from that, other than making sure he can never dispel the notion that he made a deal with the devil simply for power?

so it makes sense that that, more even than the non-consensual body modification, was the punishment. to put his warlock status on display, so that people would immediately be offput by him - and even if they aren't, he will be sure they are

his own father couldn't stand to look at him, and that was back when he had just lost an eye

but the first thing karlach tells him is this:

"Thank you for seeing me for who I really am. And... I think I can see you for who you really are, too. A hero"

obviously, it's common sense for her to see him like this after he just saved her life at great, and at the time unknown, personal cost. but it would also have been common sense for his father to know that the son he himself raised and who's nothing if not a paragon of kindness and duty wouldn't just decide to sell his soul for power out of the blue one fine day. or that, if he keeps trying to say something but can't, then there might be more to the story. for fuck's sake, he lost an eye. and yet, ulder didn't. wyll's association with the demonic was enough to dispel everything about his personhood, his values, and his actions. and now said association was branded, quite literally, on his forehead

and karlach's suffered so much at the hands of devils. just like with the other tieflings, he expects her to be unsettled by him, at the very least

but then she says that she looks at him and sees only a hero. the man who saved her. the man who cared enough to listen and do what was right. the man who sacrificed something for her, who had to make a choice no one should have to make

he had saved an entire city when he first made the pact, and yet not one soul in it was able to see that. see him

but karlach did

karlach does

and not only that. not only is she the first person in perhaps his whole life to put more weight to wyll's personhood and actions than to mizora's; but she knew he needed to hear that. she says it like someone who's trying to offer a comfort in a hopeless situation, which is exactly what she's doing. she knows that he is afraid of being rejected

and of course she does

she is the one who comes closest to fully understanding him.

can you imagine being wyll and seeing karlach's story play out in dizzyingly rapid succession in your mind? had a pretty good, happy life, then in the span of one day everything changed when she was associated with the demonic. she lost everything and everyone she ever had. from then on, she only knew one thing: to fight. no rest and no friends and no breaks, just endless, senseless fighting. her body was changed against her will. she hadn't been touched in a positive way in ten years. even fucking mizora was there

that's his story, too

sure, he might not have been literally unable to touch people, but neither was karlach when she was in hell. he's been completely alone except for mizora for the last seven years, at least in the ways that matter. nothing in his life was constant, except for the fighting and the humiliation at a devil's hand. and the loneliness

of course he thinks it's a trick. it hits too close to home

and of course he can't help but listen anyway. because wyll is nothing if not compassionate, and he's just watched a tldr of his own pain inflicted on someone else

so when karlach says that she still sees him as himself first?

he is reminded that she gets it

for the first time in seven years, he is not alone, and he is understood

of course he would do anything to keep her in his life, just as she would

in a way, she did save him, too.

(slightly late meta submission for @thekindredcollective's wyllstravaganza2024, day 19: bond)

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #wyllstravaganza2024 #wyll ravengard #karlach cliffgate #wyllach #although it's still true from a platonic perspective honestly. that's one of the things i love about them #whether you see it as romantic or platonic changes nothing #meta #overflowing trashcan

[vidavalor]

*dings the bell* … I’m back.

My Ukrainian friend made potato salad! It has cucumbers, carrots, onion, & canned green peas in it, and it’s absolutely delicious!

Sooo… can I ask what moment/scene you found the most devastating so far? I guess The KissTM is the most popular but I wonder if you’ve spotted something even more heartbreaking?

Hi @procrastiel Much love to you and your Ukrainian friend & please thank her again for me for the recipe as we made it and it was delicious. 💕Hope she's doing well. The KissTM is pretty heartbreaking for sure but I had a couple of moments that I found at least equally as heartbreaking...

The blues below the cut. TW: Depression.

What really got me in S2, in terms of heartbreaking stuff, was the focus on the less "showier" kinds of depression in Aziraphale and Gabriel. I'm not dismissing the amazing Crowley story the show has been telling but it tends to be more overt. The story focusing on depression lingering beneath different types of exteriors-- those who project themselves as being upbeat and/or fine-- was really well-executed and it had moments as devastating to me as the kiss.

The "but that's for professional conjurers only" scene and, in particular, the choices made in Aziraphale's response to Crowley's "my Nefertiti-fooling fellow" response is probably my favorite bit of acting in the series entirely to date. Michael Sheen broke me into little pieces with the way he conveyed a lifetime of pain, depression, anxiety and sleepless nights in Aziraphale's eyes on the "professional conjurers" bit and the smile...

...I love how you literally watch the pain of it all melt off his face at Crowley gently reassuring him and the smile that starts and then becomes just a beam of love he can't keep off his face. It's gorgeous.

It's actually what makes The Final 15 hurt even more, really, I think-- because you know that this is what Aziraphale needed. It's the same core set of problems but he needed 1941!Crowley and he got AlphaCentuari!Crowley because of where they both were at in the moment. It just makes 2.06 even more brutal because it shows you how they do understand each other and how right they are for each other if they could just stop being idiots lol.

I also actually think this is one of the most intimate scenes in the show. It shows a lot of guts on Aziraphale's part to be honest about how he's feeling and that's courage that Aziraphale has in general but was lacking a bit in the present in S2. He lets Crowley in here-- which is the theme of all of it and what he's not doing in S2 very much, especially in 2.06-- and we get a scene where Aziraphale is vulnerable and hurting and trusts Crowley with it and Crowley is there to help him as much as Aziraphale helps Crowley. It's very sweet and romantic but in a heartbreaking way because of how it shows how much pain Aziraphale is carrying around with him all the time. The lovely bit, though, is how it also shows how Crowley knows and is trusted with it. That it all takes place in largely the same space as the mess in 2.06? Gah. Devastating...

The other storyline that broke me was Gabriel. I know not everyone has the empathy for him that I do and he can be a total jerk, no doubt, but I thought he was the best example of the show bringing in other perspectives on life in Heaven/Hell in S2. We had angles like Furfur and Muriel illustrating that life for those not on Earth is lonely, isolating and boring and that many are yearning to live a bit more. Crowley and Aziraphale have not had it easy by any means but we are given characters whose perspective is that they're jealous that Crowley and Aziraphale have at least been able to be on Earth and have one another this whole time, which is more than a lot of other angels and demons can say, and that's fair. Expanding upon the glimpses of Gabriel that we saw in S1 and showing that, really, he's more complicated than we might have expected, was something I both loved and was a bit broken by.

Essentially, S2 shows that Gabriel is actually arguably the worst off character of all of them-- Crowley and Aziraphale included. That he really had no one until Beez is shown on his face so well-- Jon Hamm and Shelley Conn selling Gabriel's depression and how healthy this relationship is in almost no time at all really shows how great they both are. Look at this poor bastard, though, really...

He has the worst job of all of them. The Metatron is really in charge of Heaven-- Gabriel's the pretty face, forced to keep everything going or be killed for disobeying. S2 emphasizes how much he and Beez did what they did at the end of S1 basically at gunpoint-- it was kill or be killed and neither of them have the power to overthrow anything on their own. They have enough power, in the future, to probably help sway some things. Gabriel's always had enough power to make differences where he could and he used it to try to protect people. He can be a judgy jerk but he also fundamentally cares about the people around him and he's been drilled for so long into believing that upholding Heaven is his only purpose and only reason for existence that he's even still mulling over the ghosts of those thoughts when he has his whole gravity crisis in S2, even when he can't remember his name.

This is the bit that got me actually teary, though:

Imagine being thousands of years old and no one's ever given you a present. You don't have a birthday. You don't celebrate holidays. No one's ever protected you or been on your side or even just listened. You don't have any friends because everyone is afraid of you and you have to put up those pretensions to stay alive. The people you spend your entire life with are out for blood-- they'd sooner see you stripped of your sense of self and tossed through the ranks or to Hell and take your seat. Your life is one, long, never-ending meeting with your abusive dad and charming personalities like Michael and Uriel and Sandalphon. For six. thousand. years. Gabriel had never eaten anything before S2. He's never slept. Imagine six thousand years of being the Senior VP of Climb Every Bullshit Mountain without ever having a lunch break or ever going home. It's kind of no wonder that Gabriel spent half of S2 taking a nap-- he's exhausted.

He's not from anywhere. He doesn't even have a desk. Is it any wonder that this poor bastard was already rebelling a bit in S1? That he didn't totally get Earth but he was sneaking down there to get tailored suits made just so he could have something that is his own and taking himself for jogs in the park so he could get away from everyone for awhile? He's vain, sure, yes, but really because his looks are all he has that actually belong to him. It's why Beez gives him a pass on the statue-- because they know that this poor guy doesn't have anybody but them. The humans immortalize him in marble like he's a God and everyone in Heaven and Hell is terrified of him-- and he's been terrified of trying to be real with others because who is he going to trust who won't stab him in the back?

All Gabriel has that is his own are his clothes and Heaven even takes that, too. Beez is the first person who has ever seen Gabriel as a person. Is it any wonder why Gabriel likes and goes to Aziraphale for help? He knows that Aziraphale is the only angel who is both kind and sorta sees him there sometimes. He's the only one who ever seems to consider that Gabriel might exist in there as more than just The Supreme Archangel.

Gabriel's memory loss is actually very much akin to the real world occurrence of retrograde amnesia, which can and does actually happen to people who have undergone traumatic events. (It doesn't happen all the time but it's also not as rare as you'd think it might be.) The mind shuts down in such a way as to intentionally forget everything related to the trauma in order to protect itself and that can sometimes result in a loss of identity. The forgetting, though, also frees Gabriel because when he can no longer recall the fascist system of Heaven that has been harming him for so long, the actual self that he's been repressing and hiding shows up.

I see a lot of people talk about Jim as if he's a separate entity from Gabriel and he's really not-- he's Gabriel without the self-protective airs that Gabriel puts on. Jim is really not much different from glasses-free Crowley-- they have the same approach to self-preservation. It turns out, when he's free from the toxic masculinity hellscape that is Heaven, Gabriel likes hot chocolate and tiny dinners and bookselling and is emotionally available and mindfully curious about everything. He's a lot of fun and he cares about his friends and is grateful to have them. He's still a snarky bitch sometimes but so is Crowley lol so... That Gabriel was so miserable before, though, I thought was really pretty heartbreaking.

Now that I've depressed you, we'll leave on the sweeter note of Gabriel torturing some humans to romance Beez...

#ineffable husbands #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #good omens 2 #aziracrow #good omens meta #the archangel fucking gabriel #jimbriel #lord beezlebub #ineffable bureaucracy

[aphroditesmoon]

Hi! I’m not sure if u do smut or not but I was wondering if u could do a Legolas smut with fem!human!reader, like a enemies to lovers kind of thing. Maybe hate sex? <3

too close

legolas greenleaf x reader

summary: legolas has his doubts about who you really are, but is that really why he can never meet your eyes with anything else but anger in himself.

warning: afab reader, nswf, smut 18+, etl, legolas being a jerk, probably bad description of mirkwood

a/n: soo sorry i took ages, I've been taking new meds, also i havent written smut for a while so im a bit dusty, hope u like it<3

○○○○○○

Summer is barely a real season under the protective courts of Mirkwood, you could barely feel the heat or see the sun through giantic starfall tree and at night, the chill through the strong winds gives a hint of winter in its air.

You loved it. Training at night feels easier when your not already sweating through your tits ten minutes in warm ups. And the quiet around you, save the crickets and owls hooting, gave you the solace you seeked for each existing day you lived through.

But despite finding everything well with want you asked for, the universe seems relentless with making sure you'll always be keeping your guard up and your annoyance up higher, with the ever consistent appearance of Prince Legolas Greenleaf.

He stands by the corner near an entrance to the castle, watchful of you while thinking he's quiet. His lack of trust in you makes him believe that you somehow lack in the specialties of elf abilities, like for example, your keen hearing.

"I could hear you for a mile away, prince." You also caught onto his snort, before his footsteps sounds louder. "How did you lnow it was me then?" He asks, less snobby than usual.

He must be drunk, you tell yourself.

"You have that pompous, all knowing kind of stride, it has its own beat when you walk." You expected him to roll his eyes like he usually do, belittling you like a child being reprimanded. But suprisingly he laughs. "That sounds a lot like you're projecting, after all, only pompous, all knowing arseholes are the ones who isolate themselves and train alone."

Ah, there it is. He's sobered up then.

"And what humble, kind enough of an elf, would waste his time stalking other people just to throw insults like a 7 year old?" You snapped.

If he had found your irritants amusing before, now his smile fades altogether,  and he looks the same as when he's about to pull an arrow on an orc.

"The kind of an elf who's trying to protect his kingdom and father." You laughed honestly yet mockingly before dropping your sword altogether to look at him. "You think your doing the king a favor? His majesty has his own mind, he trusts me, so I'd suggest you drop your savior facade and trust him." He shook his head and looks away for a second, as if deep in thought. "My father doesn't trust anyone, let alone random rogue elves who comes out of nowhere."

You raised you brow at his bravery in speech. 'This random rogue elf is the reason your father is alive, if I had even a glimpse of malice in me, I wouldn't have done nothing but serve him well for the last 10 months." You say matter of factly.

And before he could argue again, you wave your hand at him annoyed, and turn your back at the prince. "I practise better when im alone, and now you've ruined my peace, if you don't have anything new or smart to say-"

"You are a witch." He speaks. You actually freezed for a moment, forehead frowned in confusion. "Excuse me?"He repeated his impossible words. 

"Im a witch...because i saved your father's lives?" You ask him, slowly. He looks more frustrated then ever, as if you're the one patronizing him.

"No, you are a witch, because you have bewitched him." You could laugh if you didn't want to punch him. "And how have I bewitched him?" You almost yell. "I don't fucking know!" He yells first.

"My father has never trusted anyone, except for me, yet i see he'd put his life in your hands if he has to. And you know that, you know what you are doing. How you win his praise and trust when you fight, and when you put yourself over him, over the other shooters, martyring yourself."

Your mouth was wide open, your brows furowing, but no words escape you as he continues, inching closer with every word, untik you're both a step away from eachother.

"And you know exactly what you do to me." He was hovering over you, with a glare so intense you've never seen from the mirkwood prince. "I've done nothi-" He cuts you off when you've just gained enough control to speak. "You've bewitched me."

His breath was steady even in such anger, fanning your face gently as he inhales and exhales.  "I don't trust you, and i shouldn't care too much of another fighter in our army, another stranger i shan't waste my time on. Yet one glimpse of you, and you're stuck in my head, like a memory i can't seem to forget."

he was silent after the last confession ends, and you have the stubborn urge to answer to him. "That sounds like a you problem, not mine." He gives a short bitter laugh, looking up to the sky for a second, as if praying to the stars for guidance. "What have you done to me, cruel enchantress."

The rage seemed to lessen in the glare he still holds at you, but something more hungry lays in his gaze. "I've done nothing. Im no witch." You answer, so over all of this cat and mouse game. "And if I was, I wouldn't waste my time on someone so frustrating like you, and your stupid perfect nose, going around acting like you're-" He cuts you off, closing the small space between the two of you with his lips.

It was persistent, the way his mouth pushed over yours, like a strong wave crashing over sands, forcing it to feel the same surge it's being held againts.

When your hands finally found its strength, you place them againts his chest, pushing him off, he startles and moves a step, eyes locking with yours.

His hands that were once on each sides of your face, falls down to his side, fingers flexing as if too empty now. "I hate you." He says. His eyes saying the opposite. Your mind repeats over and over of what he had done and you tell yourself that it can't get any worse or better than this, so you took a move yourself forward, standing on the ground he was on a second ago.

"Then why don't you show me how much."

You don't hesitate to pull his face towards yours, recreating the similar scene as before. His hands move to wrap around your waist, while yours tangle themselves in his untied long white hair.

You gasp when his tongue licks over your bottom lip, giving him what he wanted, your tongues clashes as you two continue kissing eachother like you're out of air. You don't flinch when he backs you up until your back meets the flat of a wall.  His right hand starts to fliddle with the laces tying your leather top on. You help him take it off before your own fingers helps him take his breeches of while he moves his lips to your neck.

"I like you better with your hair down." You manage to gasp out while he's sucking on your neck. "And I like you better with your mouth shut."  Legolas replies before his hands easily turns you around your face meets with the wall.

You barely hold on to the wall when his grip on your hips tighten, your own training tights pulled down before you felt him againts your back.  You squirm and let yourself grind againts his hardness when one of his hands move to your front to squeeze your breasts, flicking your nipple, gently moving lower then from your chest to yoir stomach, grazing your scar filled abs until it gets lower to where you want him the most.

He's still squeezing your left hip while rubbing his hard cock againts your ass.

Finally as he sinks into you without notice,  receiving  a loud whimper from you, his hand over your hips move to grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back againts his chest. His right wandering fingers were still againts your front, rubbing circles on your thighs.

You're too speechless, feeling yourself filled up to the brim by him. He doesn't move at first, head laying low by your neck, hot breathing againts your cheek. You almost cry when he slowly pulls out, until he pushes himself in again, harder tham the first thrust.

He doesn't stop them, pushing into your hole repeatedly, his hands moving up from your thighs to your clit, rubbing over it with a pace that wanted to make you scream.

Legolas finally regains enough strength to start biting and sucking on your neck, marking you, while he doesn't stop pounding into your wet cunt.

The fullness of his cock and pressure of his fingers makes your cunt tighten againts him, he lets out a growl you've never heard if the elf prince before he bites down your sweet spot harshly, making you scream out his name. "Fucking hell." He groans out, fucking out all his pent up anger and tension over you.

.Your hands feels slippery againts the wall, gripping againts nothing while he takes you like a ragdoll, manhandling you take his cock over and over, watching you turn into a crying and moaning mess.

"Legolas, please- uh." You mewl out to him He hears you, pleased he is as he lets out a grin againts your neck. "Please what, my love?" He asks huskily.  Love, thats a new one.

"Need to come-" You beg out to him.  And Legolas, for all his false pretense of hostility before, could never say no to you.

He pushes your face againts the wall again,  both of his palms now back to each side of your hip, tightening againts them as he plunges himself harder inside of you as you scream out his name, shameless of who could've heard them. Your nipples grazes againts the hard bumpy walls, oversensitive to everything now,  you clench againts him so tightly that you could hear him curse out in elvish as he holds on to your bruised sides.

You feel tears brimming in your eyes as he continues fucking you while you explode all over him, your orgasm leaking out of your cunt, all over his leg. "Argh- im going to-" He doesn't finish his words as he finally cums after you, his hot cum leaking into your hole and then lower lines on your arse.

His head leans on your back, his breathing rapid and sweat glistens you both.

Legolas pulls you back by your breast, letting you rest on hus chest while the two of you try to regain some air. His fingers grazing the valley of your tits, head stuck on the side of your forehead. Once you've calmed down from your high, you tilt your head towards him, relishing his warm arms around you.

He leans forward, letting your forehead meets. You let out a small smile.  "Now what?" Your voice gentler then expected. "Now-" He answers, voice hard. "-I'll take you to my chambers, and I'm fucking you again."

#legolas greenleaf fanfiction #legolas greenleaf #legolas greenleaf x reader #legolas x reader #legolas #lord of the rings x reader #lord of the rings fanfiction #lotr fanfic #lotr #the lord of the rings

[vesora]

dealing with fear of abandonment through LOA + general tips

personal backstory / long post ahead

“Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.” ― Neville Goddard, Your Faith is Your Fortune

as a child, my needs were not met and therefore, i developed a schema that people were meant to disappoint me and leave me and my relationships, both platonic and romantic reflected EXACTLY that.

countless times, i was ‘left’ without any reason, always strengthening the notion i had always felt that people were meant to abandon me. even if i was close to someone, i would still engage in self-sabotaging behaviours when i felt disappointed by the expectations i had set for them. feeling this lack of control when it came to relationships because i was so deathly afraid of being left alone; of disappointing the other. not putting myself first because i felt the only sense of worth i had was through whether another found me worthy. this is all very hard for me to say of course, im a private person but i felt maybe someone at least needed to hear this. my parent would be nice at one point and disinterested in the other, i felt i had to work to gain their approval and for them to be nice to me all the time. i needed them to view me as perfect, so they wouldn’t leave me. but guess what guys? thats stupid, bcos fuck perfection.

in my abandonment activation strategies/self-sabotaging behaviours, my body would go into a state of desperation, in dire need of any sort of relief and safety, crying my heart out because i was so scared, leaving people because i was scared of being left first. being scared i was being clingy by asking for reassurance which in turn sends me into another frenzy, isolating myself from people so i have no chances to be hurt, feeling resentment when someone doesnt meet my expectations/needs through no fault of their own. my inner child would just take over my body, repeating the same distress i experienced as a kid. 

but i am not a kid anymore. i am a well-functioning adult and i cannot continue this abandonment schema. so what do i do?

i use loa. 

how to use loa + general tips for this:

recognise that everything and everyone is you pushed out. your relationships play out the way you assume they will. this is not to say at all what happened when you were a child was your fault. we are not to blame. our needs were simply not met.

change the way you view relationships, no matter how hard it may be. if everyone is just us, how can anyone else abandon us? not even that, why would anyone leave us? we are amazing and fun and good people

be someone YOU are proud of, irrespective of what other people think. all is mind, so why do you think you need to impress someone who’s just another part of you? a part that can easily be molded

you are not clingy. you are not desperate. you are not unworthy. you are not unlovable. repeat affirmations that you are lovable. that you deserve to have your needs met. that everyone meets your needs. that you never feel abandoned. that you love yourself unconditionally. YOU are on the pedestal, NOT anyone else.

if someone is emotionally unavailable, this DOES NOT mean they do not love or care about you! they might be busy, not be well-versed with showing emotions in a healthy way, express their love in a different way than yours or they may simply be going through something in their lives right now. 

when this happens, you can talk to the person about it and usually in my experience, the person understands and reassures me that they still love me and that we are okay. if a person is not willing to make sure you are okay, maybe rethink their position in your lives. you are the pedestal, not them. now just because someone reassures you doesn’t mean you don’t work on yourself. you do work on yourself through LOA and useful strategies.

take deep belly breaths when you feel yourself get triggered. it is okay. you are going to be okay, i promise. the next day im sure you will feel fine. it is not the end of the world, i promise you. the world IS you. just change it.

reassure your inner child and your adult self that you are okay now. you are the best version of yourself right now. you are safe. you are secure. you are not in danger. your life is in YOUR hands. YOU are in control. YOU created this life. the only way to change it is within.

if you feel impatient and you want things to change IMMEDIATELY, i.e. when youre having a panic attack, take deep breaths and remember this is temporary. remember you are in control of what happens but also do not be attached to any outcome, just have faith that everything works out in your favour.

if you feel resentment when someone doesn’t meet your expectations, do NOT use strategies to hurt them or leave them. just calm down and view them with a gaze of love. transmute this feeling of resentment and abandonment to love and understanding, you can even visualise it. they still love you, you can manifest them to love you the way you want to idk but still they love you! don’t try to make them jealous, don’t distance yourself, don’t do whatever you do to get ‘revenge’ idk, it is NOT healthy. it only hurts YOU in the end. plus, LOA dictates the way people act with you is a reflection of yourself, so all you need to do is change self.

no matter what, KNOW you are loved. even if your body is freaking out and wants to flee, tell yourself in the moment it will pass. it has to. your trauma trigger reactions are NOT you. 

it may be hard to believe that someone loves you. for me, i felt like i was delusional. that i was kidding myself, because how dare i assume someone loves me? that’s why i kept seeking external reassurance for any semblance of love because i was not giving that reassurance to myself internally. and when someone didn’t give me that reassurance in the 3d, i’d freak out, even though i had manifested it unknowingly. how can i go to the 3d and ask for love when everything, good and bad, is within me? as the creator, how can i not tell myself i am worthy of love and that people close to me love me? how can i not believe that when all is me? it is a bit stupid to think like that, no? well i did, and to an extent i still do. but i’m recovering. i deserve to live a life where i am not constantly afraid. i deserve to live a life where i can speak with confidence that someone loves me. it is hard for me, even now, but i know i will get through it, as will you. 

let’s be brazenly impudent together, shall we?

“Dare to believe in the reality of your assumption and watch the world play its part relative to to its fulfillment.” ― Neville Goddard

#abandonment issues #abandonment #fear of abandonment #attachment #anxious attachment #attachment anxiety #trauma response #loa #law of assumption #neville #neville goddard #law of attraction #law of belief #manifest #manifestation #manifesting #consciousness #psychology #awareness

[pigeon-toes]

People really don't seem to read, so here's a small collection of the ways Arlecchino helped Freminet after she took over the House of the Hearth.

She taught him to value his life after the previous director taught otherwise, she paired him with Lyney and Lynette because if how isolated he was, and told him the truth about the reason his mother left him with the Hearth after the previous director had lied and said she abandoned him.

About "Father": Teaching

"When I was little, I was taught that we should be ready to give our lives for our family. But when "Father" took control, this philosophy changed. "Father" said that every one of us is important, and we have to value our own lives, be our strongest selves, and stand on our own two feet in this workd... But actually, all that's much harder than following orders."

More About Freminet: IV

"I don't like thinking about my time in the House of the Hearth under the previous director. All I'll say is... My habit of retreating into the sea started back then. "Father" changed not only me, but my view of our family, too. Then Lyney and Lynette joined the family... and for the first time ever, I gained some genuine companions.

Character Story 5

After "Father" replaced the previous director, Freminet's thoughts began to turn to finding his mother once again.

At first, Freminet assumed that she would rile up a still greater storm of brutality, for he knew that her methods were brutal, and he expected new orders to be given just as pitilessly as they had been in the past. But he soon discovered that "Father"'s way of doing things was utterly different.

With "Father," the home was a place of refuge for all the family's children, and as such required a collective effort to maintain. It was up to each of them to complete their tasks in the way that best suited them. Even if they failed, they wouldn't be subjected to the searingly painful punishments they had been previously.

She also gave him a pendant that belonged to his mother later in the same character story.

"I found this at the base operations of those scum. Keep it," said "Father."

Freminet looked back at her, perplexed, which in turn seemed to confuse her.

"What it is? I'm talking about those usurious scoundrels. It belonged to your mother..." She frowned, suddenly seeming to realize something.

"What were you told about her?"

Freminet told her what the previous director had said to him, about how he had been abandoned. As he did so, she said nothing, but her eyes began to burn with wrath.

After Freminet was finished, Father fell silent for a rare moment. "Do you want to know what really happened?" She asked, fixing him with a piercing stare.

Freminet nodded almost unconsciously. But once he had heard what she had to say, he wasn't sure which story he'd rather believe.

"Father" told Freminet that his mother hadn't abandoned him, but on the contrary, had acted to protect him...

That year, the debt that his family owed finally reached the point where they would no longer be able to repay it. Those greedy moneylenders had not only forced Freminet's mother to hand over the house that they lived in, but had also demanded that she hand over Freminet as well. But she was his mother — how could she let this happen? In the end, she had no choice but to entrust Freminet to "that orphanage" — somewhere they could never get at him — and then face them alone.

"This was all I found. As for your mother..." As she looked at the young boy in front of her, still gripping the pendant tightly in his hands, "Father" trailed off and left the ensuing silence to speak for her.

Freminet's head hung low, but knowing his personality, Father slipped out of the room without another word.

It's strange to me that people entirely demonize her soley for his voiceline about crying, when that's the only bad thing he has to say about her. Every other voiceline and character story he has regarding her details how she improved his quality of life after the previous director's abuse and made the house of the hearth actually feel like a family and home.

#arlecchino #freminet #house of the hearth #genshin impact #pidgey rambles

[bg-brainrot]

Alone in a Crowded Camp

Featuring: Astarion x Rogue!Tav

Series: Fits into Love at First Knife, AO3 link here

Summary: A short Astarion reflection, where he realizes that company isn't so bad.

Tags: Astarion POV, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hurt/Comfort, Vampire Spawn Astarion, set in Act 3, Astarion is Bad at Feelings

A/N: My ~mood~ persists and I wanted to make this real angsty, but even I couldn’t do that to myself hah. A short little oneshot to try to get me out of my funk!

Word count: ~1.1k

Alone.

Astarion has gotten quite good at being alone.

For two hundred years, he's been surrounded by people– their faces, their bodies, their sickly sweet words and insincere affections. But all along, he has been deeply, achingly alone.

He's had his siblings, ugh, if that's what you could call them. They’ve been a constant, annoying, and at times cruel presence in his life. They’ve felt like a growth he could no more remove than he could ignore. And, through the misery and the pain, he somehow still managed to feel gods awfully alone.

It’s difficult to pinpoint the source of his loneliness. After all, he has nary a moment to himself. But no matter how many people, no matter how frequently he’s with them, something is missing. There is no connection, no kindness, no caring. He simply is alone.

As such, Astarion has grown downright skilled at solitude. A practical art form, he's certain– someone else may call it a method of coping. Either way, it’s not a skill he's comfortable to admit.

Especially not when he suddenly finds himself surrounded once more, veritably drowning in the same disgusting familiarity and the startling newness of companionship. Because this time, he's free. Or as free of Cazador as he's willing to believe for the moment. And his companions don't expect much from him. At least not more than he's willing to provide.

So when he settles into the motley crew, he’s prepared to face the same discordant discomfort of isolation, all while being a hair’s breadth from falling into someone’s bedroll.

Instead, what he finds is an unconventional, at times chaotic, symphony.

The loud sheering sound of weapons being sharpened.

The heat of bodies surrounding a late night campfire.

The beautiful, desperate joy on the faces of those who may not live to see another day.

Astarion soon discovers that, despite the dirt, despite the tentacled doom lingering over his gorgeous head of curls, the boisterous mundanity of daily life is oddly… welcome.

For so long, as long as he can remember honestly, he’d dreaded meeting someone new. Meeting someone new meant as much a death sentence for them as it meant a detestable evening for him, a night lost to his inevitable withdrawal into the deepest darkness he could muster. 

But here, in the warm glow of firelight, the darkness abates. 

Against all of his efforts, he actually learns about the group.

How Lae’zel single-handedly took on her entire crèche while training, how many rooms Gale’s tower boasts back in Waterdeep, how far Wyll’s travels have taken him along the Chionthar, how Shadowheart didn’t need her memories to remember she hated bad wine, how Karlach once defeated a Pit Fiend in the hells themselves. None of them are things he expected to learn, nor care about. But he finds himself listening, chortling along all the same.

And then there’s you.

At first, he’d kept you a careful arm and knife distance away– an asset surely, but just as surely a dangerous one. He’d learned early in his time with Cazador that anyone who could wield both blade and charm was not someone to be trifled with.

What he hadn’t expected was the way that you made him feel: Distinctly not-alone.

Whether it be catching the mischievous twinkle in your eye from across the room or finding himself wrapped in your arms, feeling your body heat slowly seeping into him– he simply can’t understand how you make the world feel so full.

Astarion isn’t sure if he loves this new feeling of overwhelming closeness or misses the solitude. He wonders if he’ll ever feel alone again, and the idea that he may not both thrills and terrifies him.

Because there is something soothing about being alone, a type of insidious succor only his own thoughts provide.

The ache loneliness has carved in his chest is as lingering as it is deeply rooted within him and, like a plant desperately trying to survive, he finds the roots digging deeper and deeper in an attempt to stay grounded.

His moments of actual time to himself have been scarce, of course. So, in his fear, Astarion has gotten used to finding his solitude among the chaos, sequestering himself away from any who might hurt him before such a chance could arise.

Retreating from their kindness, reciprocating with sharply worded barbs, shooting utterly underserved glares in every direction. Their wounded looks mean nothing to him– why should they? They are just another group of strangers, one vampire lord away from becoming another pile of corpses.

However, much like every other of his carefully thought out plans, you are ready to thwart him. For every attempt he makes to withdraw, you’re right there, proving time and again that you are no stranger. Not anymore.

“Astarion.”

It’s a simple thing, his name. The last remnant from a mother he no longer remembers. It sounded wretched upon Cazador’s lips, a curse he could never break. Upon yours though? It may as well be a blessing. 

With that one, simple name, his loneliness is allayed. The roots embedded within him pull back, if only for the moment.

Despite his best efforts, he remembers that he is not alone. Astarion feels at ease.

His heart opens, little by little, and not just to you.

Living hundreds of years as he has, faces had begun to meld together, names began to lose their meaning, voices their distinct candor. But for the first time in a long, long time, he finds himself seeing, listening, connecting to others in a way he no longer believed himself capable of.

It’s… nice. Not that he’ll ever tell the others.

Naturally, his past doesn’t simply up and vanish. His mind still drifts, and he finds himself retreating into the damning safety of solitude from time to time. But each and every time, a hand reaches out– at times jovial, sometimes tentative, other times caring– ready to pull him back to the present.

“Astarion?”

One such hand comes into his field of view, and he takes it instinctively. It’s warm, comforting, and scarred with the beautiful history of an adventurous past. He could get lost in the look and feel of this hand.

“Astarion? Are you alright?”

Your voice is soft, tone gently questioning– yet still worried. Adorable, but you needn’t worry about him. He doubts he’s ever been better.

“Mmm, yes, darling. Quite alright.”

“Good.” 

Your hand squeezes his as you respond and he’s certain that, as long as you’re next to him, he may never feel alone again. Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing after all.

#astarion #astarion x tav #fanfic #astarion fic #astarion x reader #rogue + rogue #astarion fanfiction #astarion fanfic #astarion x gn reader #astarion x gn!tav #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion is bad at feelings #astarion comfort #spawn astarion #hurt comfort #sort of a character study

[alteredpupil]

PICK A CARD - WHAT’S HIDDEN FROM YOU AT THE MOMENT?

PILE ONE

Funny story pile 1, I ended up sending these pictures to the wrong person and they were asking me about the girls holding the guns, sounded concerned, the photo also glitched into two photos as I was starting to type this so take that as symbol. We are in mercury retrograde so make sure you don’t do something like sending somebody the wrong thing yourself or vice versa. What’s being hidden? (Self esteem by iamboe40e playing) & since this pile had most mercurical related interference it’s fair to assume you guys are the ones dealing with past circumstances coming back around the most. I’m also getting that somebody’s missing you sexually. This is also people from the past thinking about you. I’m seeing you guys are more in your dark feminine energy, burning everything in your way I’m hearing. Either you or another other party is crying over spilled milk… you might have a lot of people around try to drag you into the past pile 1. I see you been more isolated but focused on your future. Finding inner fulfillment I’m hearing. There is a new financial or material opportunity coming forwards you, something new. This could be you taking this initiative but you will have a partner (I’m hearing masculine) that could be helping you along in this project. People around you might be more intimidated by you at this time than usual. Your energy is intense but focused (we also got the Lilith card). For some of you there is a pregnancy scare or this could you be birthing a complete new project. I’m hearing this is the perfect time to plant that side. This pile is very self focused so I seen behind the scenes a lot of people are wondering about you & what you been up to. If you recently took on a artistic or athletic project I’m seeing people wondering about your progress. Behind the scenes people might think some of you are dealing with some shady business or there’s this air of mystery around you. Be careful who you tell your secrets to because I’m getting people can’t wait to spill it… you have somebody around you in secret competition with you. This could be over a partner or a creative project so watch your back and I’m hearing “keep up that demeanour”. Your attitude right now might be protecting you from the wrong people lurking waiting for you to drop your guard. What’s hidden is there’s a gift coming for you from somebody this month, could be money. Others of you this is your birthday month. For that project we were talking about earlier this can include singing, acting, or a new invention, this could even be you taking off on social media for what you do. Don’t let people from the past come in once they see how successful you are & reap off your hard work.

PILE TWO

What I’m getting is a message a lot of people might not admit to you, they find you unpredictable as fuck pile two. People never know what to expect with you and this might make some people take on a chameleon affect I heard to “keep up” or blend in with you. Almost like they can be on your same fast pace, wit, and charm. What’s hidden is the way other people see your potential, you might’ve gone through hell and back and handled it gracefully, like nothing even happened. Just like pile 1, there’s a intimidation factor here. I’m also getting some people miss you pile two, some are too scared to reach out & others may be busy. A lot of you reading this live in a fast paced area like a city or just lead a “fast” lifestyle, others might admire this about you or try to imitate it. People view you as different, you could be the black sheep of the family. There could be a friend group or family members talking behind your back. I don’t know why I’m getting the energy of people wanna tame you or “keep you in your place”. I just got the confirmation of protection, be careful what energy you allow in your space at this time, I literally heard “infiltrate”. Around the spring time a project you work on will be taking off and bringing in a lot of prosperity for you, you could be in your masculine energy doing this or will be doing this with a divine masculine that’s coming in the spring time. Again similar energies to pile 1. Also the cards keep going crazy so I feel like you have a lot of eyes or ears or mouths on you behind the scenes or you’re taking on multiple things at once. Last thing is whoever is pretending to be for you or “overtly” rooting for you is probably preying on your downfall. This could be a partner or friend or family but they can’t do nothing about it, just don’t share too much of your plans.

PILE THREE

You have a lot of admirers! You might have a lot of romantic interests that don’t also come forward. The energy is wanna be with you, wanna be like you, or wanna befriend you. Some people just want what you can offer or use you for material so be careful pile 3. What’s hidden is a lot of people think you’re wealthy wether you are or not. This could be the impression you give off, maybe you’re always well groomed. Lots of people wanna be in your inner circle or if they see you posting about activities they wish they were there with you. People are enamoured by you, it’s almost like watching you is like watching a movie. You give people the feeling that anything is possible. This is not a how they view you reading either but a lot of people admire how adventurous you are. What’s hidden is another side of you that you’ll discover this year. This pile will be completely renovated by the end of the year, physically and mentally I’m hearing. Some of you will discover a new job & meet new people. I’m getting a lot of things for this pile are meant to stay hidden, I’m liking most these surprises though. If somebody backstabs you anytime in the near future, just know it was destined and will be the start of you changing your life… changing your life in a way that will affect you 10 years down the line type of change.

PILE FOUR

I had to take out my cards again for this pile, I got a confirmation of something… either somebody is doing tarot readings on you or putting some kind of magic on you, intentionally or not. Please up your protection at this time… I’m getting you’re very powerful and might not even be aware of your own power. You’re being advised to take your craft more seriously even if it’s as simple as kitchen magic or protection and cleansing spells. What’s hidden is you have somebody coming back from the past about unfinished business. This person wants to make things right with you and while I can’t tell if their intentions are 100% pure I do see them as seeing you as somebody peaceful and in their own world, almost like they were the problem. I got confirmation you will get justice in this situation or any other situation that caused you turmoil, wether this is in real court or just simply somebody receiving their karma for messing with you or trying to take you off your destiny I’m hearing. Another thing is your suitors think you have a very sensual aura, you come off whimsical. People think they can’t grasp you, they’re scared they’ll have you and then the next day you’re gone like the wind. I’m also getting you have somebody that’s going to step up… possibly a air sign man/women. This person might wanna make you a offer but their energy is immature or this is somebody just getting started off in their career. This feels very impulsive, it’s up to you if you go for it or not. You also got news coming in you’re not expecting, this will be a opportunity that’s once in a lifetime and hard to turn down. “Visions come true” I heard.

#pick a pile #pick a card #tarot reading #tarot cards #tarotcommunity #pick an image #pick a picture #tarot #psychic #pac reading

[serenefify]

Synopsis: Years had passed since you successfully nullified all contracts and left Hell behind. Now, living a decent of a normal life once more, you found yourself returning to your cozy abode after another long day of work.

{{What in 'hell' is bad?}} Pair: Kings/You

{{Potential}} Trigger Warning: Religious/Biblical reference, Vague mention of obsession/possessiveness, OOC

🎗️Author's note: Sorry for the lack of post lately.

Entering your room, you carelessly tossed your belongings to the side before slumping down onto your bed. With a heavy sigh, you felt an exhaustion wash over you as your eyelids growing heavy with fatigue. Just as you were about to succumb to sleep, a strange scent tickled your nostrils, jolting you awake.

Your gaze landed on a card—no, a letter, sitting on your table but, who could it be from?

Would you dare to read it?

Satan:

A crimson card, adorned with a delicate white ribbon wrapped around it, secured by small horn-shaped stickers attached to the front. It wasn't overly extravagant, yet it certainly wasn't ordinary either; it sit somewhere in between. Nestled beside the card was a photo.

Hey [[Name]],

So, I figured I'd drop you a letter. Not sure what I'm gonna ramble about, but hey, why not, right?

Anyway, let's cut the crap. Since your bailed on Hell, things have been kinda messy around here. Not like "oh no, angels are attacking us again" messy, but more like... weird, you know?

I swung by Avisos the other day, and on the surface, everything seemed chill. People still living it up, having a blast. But there's this underlying gloominess, you know? Like something's off. Haven't heard anything from their kings, either. Same deal with Tartaros. Usually, those devils are all about flaunting their stuff, strutting around Gehenna like they own the place. But lately, they've been keeping to themselves, especially Mammon. That bastard practically isolated himself these days.

And speaking of isolation, that wet blanket is even more distant than usual. Him and his people are getting pretty hostile towards outsiders. Rumor has it they've even closed off their gate to visitors. Paradise Lost is living up to its name, with Lucifer being more of a hardass than ever. Heard him muttering under his breath a lot, the past meeting with him..

Anyway, not much else to report. I don't exactly have a habit of letter-writing, y'know?

So, how's life treating you up there on Earth? I know your time in Hell wasn't exactly a walk in the park, but I hope you're finding something to kill your time. If not with us, then at least enjoy the grub and swag they're hooking you up with.

Alright, that's all I got. Hope you haven't chucked this letter in the trash yet.

Catch you later,

Satan

Mammon:

A golden card, lavishly adorned with shimmering ornaments adorning its edges. Crafted from crisp, molten gold-hued paper. A delicate ribbon, flush with golden dust, cascades from its side, leaving a trail of particles with each brush against your skin. Nestled beside the card lies an open box of jewels.

My Esteemed Master,

Since your departure from Hell, I have found myself rather... what is the word I am searching for? Ah, yes, lonely. These past days, or perhaps decades. It almost felt like mere moments since you left for the human world.

I pen this letter because I find myself truly missing your presence, Master. Though you made your intentions clear from the start, and I fully understood them, your absence has left a void within me. Is the wealth not sufficient? Does the structure of my domain not meet your expectations? Or perhaps I have failed to fully satisfy you? At times, a thought plagued at the back of my mind—to carve your name into my flesh, to signify that I'm truly yours.

But- Forgive me for indulging in such thoughts, Master. I fear I may have become too forward. I simply cannot help but express the depth of my longing for you.

The time you spent here in Tartaros, though brief, was among the most enjoyable moments of my existence. I must confess, I have never felt such attachment to another being. Not even Solomon grow such sentiments from me. There is something about you that captivates me unlike any other. I vividly recall your first arrival in Tartaros; it was then that I knew you were a being worthy of becoming the master of the Monarch of Tartaros.

My apologies for my ramblings, Master. I found myself yearning to write more, but I restrained myself, knowing your preference for brevity. Nevertheless, I implore you to consider my words and understand that you are sorely missed here in Tartaros.

Yours faithfully,

Mammon

#🎗️.admin writing #what in “hell” is bad? #whb x reader

[wisteriagoesvroom]

hello hello! Are you still doing fluffy prompts? If so may I please ask for cuddling in a bathtub or something?

I'm not annoning I have no shame or dignity left

so your idea spurred another idea. it is tangential, but i hope it still delivers on the Soft Vibes. thank u for prompting 🫂

don't take too much (off of me)

📝 1.3k words 💟 lestappen 🟢 rated G 🔗 also on ao3

“Stop moving.”

“I’m not.”

Charles twirls the scissors between two fingers, hoping that his posture is authoritative enough that Max will quit squirming in his chair. They are in the middle of lockdown and neither is sure when their tentative friendship turned into this – at first it was innocuous knocks on the door to play FIFA, then it was to borrow a jar of pesto here and there. Then, trampling into each other’s apartments. Max knowing to wipe his shoes on the carpet, Charles helping pick up cat food on his regular run to the grocery store (in line with lockdown mandates, they’re only allowed to go to the store twice a week.)

And now they are here. Max sitting on a dining room chair, leaning back, a makeshift cowl around his shoulders that Charles had stolen from his maman’s salon. Max tries not to twitch or move, knowing that the process of hair cutting is a delicate process. Sure, he has sat for a haircut many times before, but never under the hands of this erratic ball of energy that is Charles Leclerc, who is currently brandishing a blade like a child would a spork.

“Do you trust me, or not?” Charles says. Indignant.

“I’m here, am I not?”

“Unhappily, it seems.”

“Kerel. You have wavy hair. You look like a Disney prince. Me? One wrong move of the scissors and there will be memes in my name.”

“But it’s kind of fun when they are making the memes about you. No?”

Max glowers. “It is when they’re nice ones.”

Charles makes a noise between a snort and a guffaw. Charles perched on a stool behind him, so he can’t see the other man’s expression. But when Max looks to the corner of his living room, Max can see Charles’s face in the reflection there. Just a sliver of his face, in profile. Max expects to find Charles’s eyes crinkled, maybe teasing. Max is used to it, after all. Being the an easy target, a convenient villain. Because a lion never roars back. Not outside of the track, anyway. Even if he sometimes hides in his apartment with his cats and licks his wounds instead.

Max’s shoulders tense, hackles up. But Charles’s eyes are very soft. The punchline never comes.

“Well. I think you very handsome, Maximilian.” Charles says.

Oh. Max’s throat bobs. He doesn’t really know what to say. He’s been called many things in the past. Handsome isn’t necessarily one of them. And somehow it has a greater weight, a different bearing, when it comes from Charles. Because Charles is someone he’s begun to acknowledge that he cares about, perhaps a great deal.

“And now! We are doing the short at the sides and long at the top, oui?” Charles says. Snapping straighter in his makeshift hairdresser’s stool, energy whipping through him like lightning. Changing the topic as if he hadn’t just confessed to Max the very same thing that Max has been thinking about Charles for weeks – or if he’s honest – years, now.

“Whatever you do, make sure it’s tidy, yeah?”

“Come on mate. I am always careful.”

“Like you were when you drove into the Copse wall.”

“That was an isolated incident. Due to a combination of unexpected mechanical factors.”

“Pfft. Okay. Save that response for Sky.”

“You’re nearly as annoying as them, sometimes.” Charles says, frown gentle before he lifts the scissors again. 

Comfortably back in their banter-y element, the chatter continues. Charles is careful about his work, the blades moving slowly and carefully. And what Charles lacks in finesse he makes up for in social skills, clearly inheriting this from his parents. Talking and filling the silence comfortably, wandering from topics as diverse as sailing on the Monaco coastline, to David Guetta’s recent bizarre fundraiser video, to the latest model of automatic cat feeder that has become available on the market. Charles’s fingers brush his jaw occasionally to adjust the angle, scissors glinting in the afternoon sun. Max deliberately avoids eye contact, only glimpsing at him occasionally to share a laugh. 

At the end, Charles uses a towel to brush the loose hair off Max’s neck. They both get up to stand at Max’s living room mirror, surveying Charles’s handiwork. Their reflections loom large, shoulder to shoulder at the same height. Besides, Max isn’t really looking at himself, and neither is Charles, either.

“It’s good, yes?” Charles says. Low, conspiratorial.

Max’s grip tightens on the towel that he’s holding. His pulse etches up. The whole afternoon has been gentle touch, contact that aches because the pandemic has made him even more pathetically wanting than usual. Contact that he’s been trying very hard not to think about or keep for more nefarious purposes later. 

The other man's gaze is warm in the mirror. Max thinks of fresh cut grass at Imola, his favourite corner in Silverstone.

“Yes.” Max says. It’s good. The haircut, him, them. This strange rhythm they’ve found together. The quiet space of each other’s apartment, each other’s company, temporarily safe from the world. The trust offered to one another: enough to let them run you into gravel and trust that it was worth the fight. Enough to hold a blade in your hand and only let one other person in the world come near you with it. Risk, and promise.

Then he’s turning towards Charles. Charles mirroring him. The light is bright and the sky blue in the window, but all Max can see for a moment is Charles’s face, his half open mouth ripe like a plum. The scent, this close, of Charles’s carrefour laundry softener and woody aftershave.

And they’re leaning towards each other, a boundary they might finally cross, let the cards fall where they fucking may, when—

A yowl. A screech. A mighty crash. 

“Sassy!” Max says, practically jumping out of his skin.

Both men whip around at the source of the noise. Sassy’s frozen on a shelf, a beige mass with yellow eyes. Paw half up, looking guilty – if a cat could look guilty– at a trophy that he has just knocked off a counter. Jimmy, on the other hand, is absolutely nowhere to be seen, already having escaped the scene of the crime.

Max groans into his hands. But then Charles is laughing, an asthmatic penguin noise that Max has really come to like. It melts the fire in Max a little, amusement tempering his frustration. (The trophy is not the source of Max’s current frustration, but Charles does not need to know that.) 

“I shall get the broom.” Charles says.

“Thanks.”

So the moment passes. They clean up. On their hands and knees, near, but not touching. The broken trophy is the one he got for his overtake on Nasr in his first year in F1, and offers a chance for them to reminisce about their races. For Max to joke a little about whether Charles will get his first WDC when the pandemic is over, both of them excited about the future, a future with both of them in it, still trying, still racing each other to the brink. It’s much easier to do this, than to talk about the almost-kiss, or break the seal on this moment that they know won’t last forever.

Debris cleared, and the cats shooed into the study, Charles mentions that he should go return his equipment to his mother. They stand at the doorway for a moment that stretches too long.

Max doesn’t know how long they have. Of this, of each other. Of being left alone, of the world not encroaching with cameras or demands for explanations or labels for what they are. Of getting to know each other not as competitors, but on their own terms, in their own time.

But for a long time, Max will always remember this moment. The two of them, a dining chair. His crazy cats, Charles’s toothy smile. Their partial reflections in the mirror, an afternoon unfolding with potential.

A warm hand on his back to let him know he’s cared for, and looked after.

#lestappen #f1 rpf #max verstappen #charles leclerc #3316 #1633 #drabble #f1 drabble #prompt fill #f1 fanfiction #f1 fanfic #fluff #formula 1 fanfic #formula one fanfiction #formula 1 fic #ficlet #formula 1 rpf #f1 fic #wisteriawritesstuff

[daily-hanamura]

I kind of wished that the persona 4 cast wasn’t stuck in a narrative where the main theme is ‘always accept the role thrust upon you and if you don’t like it, just force yourself to like it’. Yukiko actively wants to leave Inaba and create her own life, but is portrayed negatively when doing so, with her character arc involving her accepting the role thrust upon her. Don’t get me started on Naoto. I know you’re the Yosuke guy, and was wondering what are your thoughts on this when applied to Yosuke?

I want you to know that being called "the Yosuke guy" is now my greatest achievement you've made my day everyday for the last week

I do agree with you, and I think it was one of my initial issues with P4 where, for a game whose entire narrative is about being true to yourself, it sure falls back into that tired sense of social conformation a lot. It's grating, right, because it feels like what they really mean to say is "be yourself! but not too much and not in a way that makes other people unhappy and make sure you're still living up to other peoples expectations because that's the real reason why you're unhappy with yourself, you haven't accepted who we want you to be (which is the real you that we've decided) etcetc" and it just undercuts the emotional impact of their self-acceptance (see also kanji and rise). (dw I know P5 also kind of has the same problem, and I can go into a whole thing about the limits of transformative narratives written by capitalist corporations but i wont. today-)

I think with Yosuke though, it's really interesting because his character arc is more so tied to his relationship with Inaba as a place, rather than his fundamental self-perceptions. It's established early on that Yosuke hated the town for various reasons; he's a city boy who wants excitement and connection, but most of the town hates him so he's shit out of luck and it gives him little reason to like the town back. As the game progresses, he starts to like the town -- "it's not about where you are, but who you're with", so it's his friendships (and having people who accept him for who he is) that makes the place meaningful for him. And, at the end of the day, Yosuke did get what he wanted - excitement and connection.

But he's not tied to Inaba.

In P4AU, it's revealed that Yosuke's struggling to figure out what he wants to do in life, but by the end of it he tells Yu that he wants to leave the town and go to college with Yu in the city, and that he wants to see the world and experience more things for himself. It fascinates me because it very strongly implies that Yosuke's arc isn't complete as we're very expressly told that he's still developing. It stands in contrast to the other characters who have effectively been fixed into some role or position (Yukiko as an inn manager, Rise as an idol), and unlike them, Yosuke hasn't been permanently relegated to the things that he starts off hating. He hasn't been written to stay in Inaba or even to continue working at Junes after graduation, instead he gets the opportunity to try things. imo this makes his arc more situational (and therefore layered) - Yosuke's perspective on his circumstance matures, but who he is as a person doesn't have to change, and he's not forced to make a trade-off with the wishes he had at the start.

This might be because Yosuke is Atlus' favourite character of the contrast between Yosuke's city background and the rest of the Inaba folk. There's a guy in the school who talks about how most people who finish high school in Inaba just go on to get jobs, and very few actually leave for college and beyond. It's something deeply realistic and reflective of human geography IRL, because that's very common in small communities. A fear of the outside world because of how isolated they are (and Inaba kind of is - remember how Yosuke said they barely had cell connectivity up until recently) means they tend to look inwards instead of out, so there isn't as strong an awareness of what else there is out there and a belief that your options are basically just that (it also makes it all the more impressive that they have surprisingly well-traveled teachers). Yosuke, on the other hand, is very much connected to the internet and the outside world, and he also tends to think about the things that he's missing out on more tangibly.

It makes for a very interesting parallel with Yukiko, who had grown up in Inaba all her life and also expresses that same interest in wanting to go out and see the world. Yukiko's idea about the kind of options that she has is weirdly limited for someone who is supposed to be at the top of her class. When you meet her at the bookstore, she talks about getting a job license so she could leave town, and her first thought was interior decorator (do you even need a license for that? it's not a chartered profession unlike an architect or interior designer, but things might work differently in japan). And maybe she does have a genuine interest in it so I'm talking shit, but it also feels like it's a job that she's aware of only because of the ryokan. As far as I could tell, we don't actually see her express any interest in, say, furniture themes or colour swatches and fabric textures in the way Kanji very clearly does. Her world view, like everyone else, is bounded by the reach of her experience, but because Inaba is so small and cloistered it impedes her ability to imagine beyond that. Even when she's thinking of leaving, her options are still limited to her experiences at the inn. I'm still really salty about how she decided to stay at the ryokan in the end, because something much more satisfying in my opinion would have been for her to get the opportunity to try different things elsewhere in the world, and if she decided that the ryokan was the right thing for her, then, well, fine, I guess? Or some cliche like exploring other inns elsewhere so she could bring that knowledge home. Especially since she had the support of her family and the inn staff, it makes her narrative feel more like an acceptance of her lot in life, rather than a genuine realisation that yeah, this was what she wanted, which was what the game wanted us to think, except it's not convincing. Instead, it just feels like a weird stagnation because her initial wish of wanting to see the world beyond the ryokan was not satisfied.

But hey, guess who does!

Yosuke gets to learn how to make the best of a situation, but ultimately, he's not beholden to it. He - and his writers - understand that he's not done growing, so he doesn't fix himself to a role that he doesn't like. AND IT'S GOOD. I just wish everyone else got that opportunity.

#asks #get-hit-with-the-wimp-stick #as you can see i have many thoughts on this #frankly i might also be extremely biased as a city person who hates being a frog in a well so this has deeply skewed my interpretation #also human geography is my special interest so that's a weird take there huh #not sure if this was the question you were asking but this is my answer

[an-ambivalent]

I thought of this scenario... 😳🙃 So um anyway... Back on my uchiha bullshit.

Warning: yandere content and themes of abuse. Read at your own discretion. I do not condone this behaviour in real life.

Imagine one of those medieval european settings from any villianess/isekai manhwa you've read. The royal family (the Uchihas) are tyrannical rulers, particularly the current monarch Fugaku Uchiha. There's no room for error, people are easily beheaded left and right for the tiniest mistake or "disrespect" against the Uchiha family.

Itachi understood his family dynamics. So, he adapted quickly and knew how to behave and navigate his family complex situations to not get on his father's bad side. Despite whatever he believed, he did whatever Fugaku expected him to do to not face his father's wrath. But, Sasuke on the other hand... He's always been a bit more oblivious from a young age.

He lived a sheltered life. His mother already lost her first son to Fugaku, she didn't want to repeat the same mistakes so she kept him more isolated and protected. It didn't matter because Fugaku ignored his youngest son anyway. He only cared for his heir, Itachi.

Raised in his own little bubble, there were only few people Sasuke interacted with: his mum, his nanny, and his nanny's daughter and his only playmate: you. There wasn't much else for a long time, just sweet innocent childhood memories. That's until he reaches a certain age and starts noticing the difference between his brother's status and his own, and his own father never even speaks to him. He wants to start seeking out his father and yearns for his approval.

There have been something different about Itachi lately. Fugaku knows he's losing his control on his son. There's not much he can do until he notices his second son lingering around. Its perfect because Sasuke is seeking his approval and Fugaku needs to restart his training for a new puppet.

The tyrannical monarch, when seeking out his second son for the first time, witnesses the most appaling his scene. His son, a royal prince is confessing to you, a mere servant's child, a commoner. That's not the worst part: how dare you, a filthy peasant, dare to reject his son?! Who did you think you were?!

That scene is enough to show how lacking Sasuke's education has been under his incompetent mother. The most pretegious family, Uchiha, they don't ask. They take what they want, when they want it.

And then before anything could happen, both you and Sasuke are captured by the imperial guards. You're terrified. You've heard countless of stories about how ruthless the Emperor is. You knew that with your status, death awaited you. For Sasuke, despite whatever his harsh punishment, his royal status would protect his life.

You cried out in pain as the knights pinned you to the ground. The concrete dug into your skin, causing painful abrasions, and you felt blood gushing out of your forehead.

Sasuke cried out in panic at seeing your situation. "Father please! Stop-"

"Insolent child! No child of mine will be ever at a peasant's mercy! Clearly, your education has been lacking. I've been too lenient with my dear wife. It's about time I take you under my wing.

"You're not going to be like Itachi, I'll make sure of it. I'm going to teach you how to take things for yourself and keep them for yourself."

Fugaku loomed over Sasuke; the young boy wept in fear, with tears at the corner of his eyes, and legs shaking.

"Do you want her?"

"W-what?"

Fugaku clicked his tongue and his glared hardened. "Don't make me repeat myself boy, I will make you regret it. You confessed to her. Do you want her?"

"Y-Yes."

"Then you will have her. No child of mine will be denied anything, especially not from a peasant. You're going to keep her and learn how to take what you want and keep everything under your control." He said, grinning widely.

You could do nothing but tremble in fear knowing that you were going to be nothing but become a possession for another future tyrannical monarch.

#yandere x reader #Sasuke x reader #Yandere sasuke #Yandere scenarios #Naruto x reader #Yandere imagines #Uchiha x reader #Yandere uchiha #Ambivalent writes #Yandere naruto

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Once Upon a Time on the Razor Crest

Summary: First steps to friendship

A/N: Hello lovelies,

I hope everyone had a good week. I just want to put this out there as someone who works in the medical field, please be kind to doctors, nurses, technicians, receptions, and cleaning crews.

Just be kind in general. I had a rough week with a very rude patient. It might not seem like much but after a while it takes a toll. So to everyone and anyone who needs to hear this, thank you for all the hard work you do.

Love oo

Due to the past history of the OC there will be discussions alluding to past domestic abuse, please note that as it could be a trigger for some.

Warnings: discussions of lunch, trying to avoid isolation, mentions of past trauma (blink and you'll miss it), discussions of being dirty (physically), possible mud (use your imagination). If I miss any warnings, please let me know.

AO3 Link |   Words: 909 |   Previous -> Next

Main Master List   |  Once Upon a Time on the Razor Crest

THE CRESTWORLD

CHAPTER NINE

As we watched Taika and Misty munching away, it made me remember we needed to eat too, “Din, what do you want for lunch? There’s some leftovers from last night’s dinner or I could make us a sandwich and salad …”

“You know…” he cut her off, realizing he needed to make more of an effort with her. 

Sure she was his employee, but he was also the only person she knew out here. Cobb and Fennec were always busy in town and the surrounding areas,  and Fennec had even less time than Cobb, being Boba’s right hand. Then there was Grogu, and as fun and enjoyable he was for a little kid, it wasn’t the same as having someone around her own age to hang out with. 

He nodded to himself, resolving he needed to do better, “You did a really good job today, Ann. Looking after Bessie, milking her, noticing there was something off about her. You could’ve easily brushed it off, or not even bothered to tell me about it. But you did, and because you did, I can tell you there will be a new addition to the ranch. Nerfs have a faster gestation than most quadrupeds. We should have a new addition in a month or two depending on if it’s a bull or calf. Not to mention you fed the nunas and collected the eggs, even though I know it freaks you out a little. I even noticed that you stamped the eggs with the date, and put them away. Cleaned out the pens as best you could … before I got here.” He smirked.

I tilted my head to look at him, resting my head on my arms that were propped on the railing of the corral. I didn’t say much, simply looking at him as I narrowed my eyes at Din, “I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me, or if you’re being genuine”

He chuckled, as he glanced over to her, shaking his head. “Genuine, I’m being genuine,” he turned back to look at Taika and Misty, “plus, I owe you for this morning.” 

I smirked, focusing back on the horses, “So … does this mean, I’ll get a pay bump?”

“Ha! No.” He stood stretching, “However, I do believe, your good work today, and for my …”

“Assery?”

“That’s not even a word.”

“Words aren’t words, until you start using them more often”

Din shook his head laughing, “Anyway, I do believe this entitles you to lunch on me. How about we go into town for lunch? I know a good restaurant.”

“Oh, um … yeah, I guess…”

He hadn’t expected that reaction, “Do you not want to?” Din glanced over to her.

A thousand scenarios ran through my mind, my biggest concern was bringing danger to this small town, but … Fennec went through a lot to cover my tracks so I could make it here. I couldn’t keep hiding on the ranch like I was. I needed to stop letting my ex dictate terms. I needed to start living again. 

I closed my eyes, and reminded myself, I wasn’t that same weak girl, he initially married.

 “No. No.” I focused on the landscape before, taking in the beautiful mountains, the crisp air. I was far away from him. “I’m up for going into town. After all, I need to see more of this area, get to know the town and people. As beautiful as this ranch is, I can’t exactly be holed up here forever.”

“No. You can’t” he smiled.

 I smirked, as my eyes glanced down, looking over my dirty outfit, “Maybe I should change? Take a shower at least?” My hand subconsciously went to my forehead and hair, wiping away some of the sweat and dirt.

Din shrugged, “You can if you want to but there’s no need, we’re going to a diner, not some fancy five-star high-end Coruscant restaurant. Plus this is a farming town, we’re all used to being a little dirty.”

“Hmmm … Well, I guess, if you’re going like that” I motioned to his shirt, “then I guess I can go like this” I motioned to my less than stellar outfit.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” He looked down, sure there was dirt, hay, dust, some grass strains, and something … he hoped but wasn’t entirely sure was mud. The more he thought about it, the more he changed his opinion, “You know, now that you mention it, maybe a change of shirt wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

I chuckled, nodding in agreement, as he tried to flick a nondescript dark matter off his shirt towards me. I squealed, flinching away from him, increasing the distance between us. “Hey …” I held up my finger as I moved further away, “I’ll have you know, I have enough of my own questionable dark matter on me, I don’t need to take on yours, too.” I shouted over to him, when I was far enough away and headed back into the house.  

Din watched as she headed back to the house, slipping off her boots before she went in. 

He stood in the open glancing over to the pens, the horses grazing, and Bessie chewing away as she stood there looking at him, and he couldn’t remember a time he felt this content from cleaning the pens and grooming Taika and Misty. He shook his head, pushing his thoughts aside as he headed into the house to change.

AO3 Link |   Words: 909 |   Previous -> Next

Main Master List   |  Once Upon a Time on the Razor Crest

@littlemisspascal @sprout-fics @liadamerondjarin @badbatch-simp24 @spicymcnuggies @lady-ren @firstofficerwiggles @darkangel4121 @discofern @kavecika @monako-jinn-stories @ladykatakuri @avathebestx @theroguesully @furyhellfire66 @carodealmeida @ciramaris @twinkofthedink @dindjarin-mandalorian @tortor-mcgee @sarcasmismyonlydefense24 @chiyo13

#din djarin fanfiction #din x reader #din djarin #din djarin fanfic #din djarin x reader #din djarin x female oc #din dijarin x reader #din darjin #western din #western au #the mandalorian x reader #The mandalorian fanfic #the mandalorian x ofc #the mandalorian #cobb vanth #grogu #mandalorian and grogu #peli motto #fennec shand #boba fett #mando fanfiction #mando fic

[celestialnxva]

Gensei

Batfamily x Reader

Summary: When you, their beloved parent and the glue to keep the family together, start acting strange, your family ends up finding out more about you than they bargained for. And this realization, unfortunately, came too late.

Tags: Angst, hurt and barely any comfort (but it's there), mental health facilities and hospitalization, unhealthy physical condition due to depression.

WC: 5k+ words

A/n: This is a vent fic for me. I'm not doing okay, but I'm trying. For those going through the same thing, this one's for you.

batman masterlist. | main masterlist.

You weren’t exactly sure when you stopped looking forward to the next day, like you usually do. 

You were the family’s glue, the one that kept everyone happy and together without fighting as much as they did before. With clashing personalities, you expected taking care of everyone (even Bruce) to be a handful. Still, this didn’t phase you, finding their chaos endearing and entertaining instead. Even knowing about their important work as heroes to Gotham City, you were okay with spending the nights alone, if it meant that you could keep this abundance of love in your life. That was always the reason as to why you looked forward to sleeping the night away; to see them the next day as happy as they could ever be with you.

But when did it all change?

If you were in your clearer mindset, you would be able to recognize this depression was triggered by the new case about the Joker that your entire family took upon themselves to solve. This was understandable for them to do, as Joker managed to convince all of Batman’s Rogues Gallery to join forces with him in taking over Gotham City and Metropolis. Not wanting to admit to Clark about needing help, he instead turned to his entire family and even Catwoman to help him stop these villains from destroying his beloved city. However, with you not involving yourself in their vigilante lives, you did not realize the urgency they had in solving the case until it was too late. 

The nightly routine of eating dinner together as a family shifted suddenly to nightly dinners all alone with empty chairs suffocating you in your increasing feeling of loneliness. The nights they were gone lasted longer than you were comfortable with. It was worse when you had caught them one night all huddled in the batcave, too tired and stressed to even notice your presence like they usually did. You went up to your room that night with a sense of emptiness you had not felt in years. The reminder of your loneliness broke your strong resolve over and over again as you passed by your children’s empty rooms with some doors slightly ajar, just to remind you that they cared more about this mission than being with you.

Even with all these reminders, the worst was when you were in your large bedroom you shared with your husband, Bruce Wayne– no. Batman. Batman had taken it upon himself to either not sleep at all or fall asleep on the keyboard of the batcomputer. The side of his bed that had the comforting warmth you always clung onto before you fell asleep had turned frigid cold, as cold as the shoulder he had for you when he ignored your subtle requests to spend time with him. 

The sleepless nights you originally had in the first few days of this change in behavior turned into the inability to get out of bed without feeling dizzy from the overwhelming feeling of being unloved and sleeping through the day because of it. You were too busy sleeping or wallowing in your loneliness to notice that neither Bruce or any of your children bothered to check in to see where you were or if you were okay. They just assumed you were okay. You always were.

Even when Alfred eventually confronted them at the breakfast table (none of them even noticing that your spot in the table was the only one empty) about your sudden absence in their manor, Bruce had told his children and a disappointed Alfred that you were probably sick and needed to isolate yourself from everyone so no one could get sick during their detective work on the very important case. Bruce had no time to think of you. He was only worried about Gotham’s safety.

What Alfred couldn’t tell them was the severity of your worrying condition. He was the single witness to your slip into a severe depression. One night, he uncovered your blanketed body and saw the once glowing body you usually had completely become frail and sunken. This very sight compelled him to work even harder to take care of you, instead of Bruce and the children. He may be old and selfish, but to see his child and grandchildren have no care for you absolutely infuriated him; to serve them instead of you during your time of need felt wrong. You needed family. You needed him.

So each day for the next few weeks, Alfred would gently wake you and give you meals. When he would come back at night to clean your shaking body, he wouldn’t dare comment on the meals going untouched because he knew that you were trying. That was all that mattered to him. 

Of course, when taking care of you on his own and seeing you on the verge of death was too much for him to bear, he had convinced you to get professional help. It broke his heart to see your completely numb reaction when he watched the medics take you away to the hospital (with the promise to also provide you with mental health therapy too), but he knew it was the right thing to do. As he retreated back into the manor, he had made a promise in his mind that he would always think of you and visit you, because–god forbid–your own family could care less. 

Disappointing interaction with your family after another had stressed him out more than he wanted to admit. He, too, found himself slipping into his own state of sadness. The most devastating blow for him was when Bruce had managed to cajole Catwoman into helping him and his children in the batcave, without a care of how you would even react. After all, the fate of Gotham was more important than his own spouse’s feelings. 

And that alone was enough for Alfred to distance himself from the family entirely for the first time since he had served Thomas Wayne. 

What seemed like a decade to you both was only a month for the rest of the world. Like he promised, he visited you at the hospital. You still weren’t as happy as you usually were, but he could tell from your appearance that you had the strength to stomach nutrients given to you by iv, just as your nurse reported to him. Though the sight of you at your worst would forever be etched into his mind, he was more than relieved to hear and see for himself your slow recovery. At one point, he had allowed himself to shed a few tears in your presence when you told him to get his shaking hands checked. It was like you knew that he was stressed about you and your family. Even in your frail state, you still remained selfless and caring to the people you loved. With the reassurance that you were finally getting better, he finally relaxed in his rigorous attempts with distracted cleaning so he could have his first peaceful sleep in a long time. 

When he brought you home from the hospital, it had been during a time where your family was gathered in the dining table for breakfast. Finally, Bruce had become worried over where you were, as he had now found your tracker completely offline. With the stress he felt from his children and how close they all were in stopping Joker and the others, on top of Alfred disappearing without a goodbye this morning, he was practically a shaking mess while he ate his breakfast. Of course, he wasn’t alone in this sentiment, as his children were all actively discussing amongst themselves about where you might be.

However, the worried discussions immediately ceased when they all heard the front door open. They all practically sprinted towards the entrance of the manor, hoping to ask Alfred where you were and where he had been. But all of their other questions completely died out from their mouths when these questions had finally been answered. 

Alfred was home, and he had just come back from picking you up from the hospital.

Stunned into silence, they watched as you were wheeled in by Alfred into the house. Though you were not in as bad of a physical state as you were before when Alfred admitted you to the hospital, your body was still weak. The only reason why you were discharged was because you were healthy and mentally stable enough for the rest of your recovery to rest in the hands of your faithful butler: your father, your friend, and the family you needed to have during a terrible time in your life.

It took so long for you to recover, and now here you were, now strong enough to smile at what Alfred had said to you right before he opened the door. You felt so safe in his company, to the point where you were completely unaware of your supposed family standing in front of you, a family that did not realize how much you had been suffering in silence. Knowing this, Alfred made sure to keep his eye contact with you as he carefully maneuvered you both into the kitchen without you noticing the others. You didn’t need to see them, not when they had ignored you for almost two months now. 

Walking slowly behind you and Alfred, they all shared a sense of dread, fear, and incredible guilt for not noticing sooner. They thought you had probably caught a nasty case of fever from the cold winter air, but they never knew that you were sick enough to go to the hospital. When did this happen? When did you get hospitalized? 

And why didn’t you tell them a single thing about this?

Still unaware of the roles they played in your current condition, they quietly slipped back into their seats and waited until you noticed their presence. And when you finally did notice them, your barely present smile vanished from your face.

When Alfred helped guided you to your place at the table, you thought about their faces when they saw you like this. There was certainly a sense of shame you felt, but a part of you had always wondered if it was right to blame them for not noticing sooner. They were so hard at work in taking care of other people, so it was not their fault that they couldn’t have noticed.

So why did it still hurt that they never even bothered to care for you?

Deciding against your better judgment, you let go of the depressing thoughts and forgave them in your mind. They were your family and if their silent presence beside you said anything, it was that they would drop everything to be with you… right? 

Even if they didn’t do exactly that when you asked them the first time… or the second time… or the fifth time, they still loved you…right? 

Trying not to cry at this thought, you decided to look up at your father as he cared for you. You thought about how he had always been there for you. As he fussed with your iv pole beside your chair, you noticed that his hands weren’t shaking anymore and his eyes shined clearer than before. Perhaps he took comfort in being able to take care of you in your better state. 

With your smile returning to your face once more, your own shaking hand reached up to weakly caress the older man’s aged cheek. You heard him inhale sharply in shock under his breath as his eyes shifted from looking at the iv pole to your warm gaze. His heart melted at the sight and leaned into your hand. Unable to help himself from showing his more vulnerable side in front of Bruce and his grandchildren, he finally spoke his feelings to you. 

“Welcome home, my dear,” he said softly, only allowing you to hear the shakiness of his tone. He felt a sense of pride when his words caused you to smile almost as brightly as you once did. 

“Thank you, Alfred,” you said weakly before he moved back to securing the iv to your arm. You weren’t able to eat properly yet, due to the doctors worrying about the act potentially triggering you  back into your previous state. It would be a slow process, but the doctors briefed him thoroughly on his duties towards you for the next few months of recovery. 

As he dismissed himself to retrieve your songwriting notebook (he noticed that the object had always served as a comfort object for you during his time serving you), your heart hammered in your chest now that you were left alone with your family; a family that you had not seen in two months. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought that they all looked different, grown up without you to witness it yourself. Though you didn’t feel this way towards them, they certainly felt that way towards you. You looked so different, too different for their comfort.

There was a tense silence amongst everyone at the table until Bruce spoke up to break it. 

“Where have you been, (y/n)? Why did you turn off your tracker while you were at the hospital?” 

Everyone at that very moment wanted to punch Brue for stating sentiments so insensitive towards your current state. 

You smiled faintly at your husband and only had the energy to close your eyes. “I didn’t feel the need to do so, Bruce. I was in the hospital and completely safe,” you explained quietly. His heart broke as he watched from his place across the long and lonely table you refusing to look at your husband, but rather at your arm. 

His spouse, the love of his life, looked like they were at death’s door. And he never knew about it until now. 

Of course, you couldn’t have the heart to tell him or his children about how you actually looked when you were at the worst of it, but perhaps they could assume that for themselves. Either way, they hated the fact that they weren’t there for you when you were clearly suffering. Now, here you were, explaining to them that it was nothing but a fever gone wrong and that the recovery process was almost complete. Clearly, you were lying for parts of the story, but they didn’t question it further. All they could think of is how glad they were that you were okay. 

Even through Bruce’s immense guilt for you, he believed that you were going to be okay. When he told you about his double life as Batman, he had loved you with all of his heart when you completely understood what it meant in your relationship with him, accepting him anyway as your love and your life. He loved your strength and joy, so to see you without both of these things was so foreign in his marriage and in his time of knowing you; but he couldn’t focus on it now. He needed to remember that he focused on this case because he wanted to keep you safe and protect you from the wrath of his Rogues Gallery. He couldn’t live with himself if you were killed because of his inability to stop them. So, he responded to you in a way he knew best.

Walking over to where you sat, he carefully pulled your chair out so he could kneel down in front of you. It took everything within him not to cry when he saw your shaking hands on your lap, and instead reached out to put them into his own warm ones. He felt chills run down his spine when he felt how cold your hands were. Never in his life has he ever felt your hands to be cold. It seemed to be a symbol of the state of his marriage. For now, he needed to temporarily reassure you so he could go back to finishing this case; he had to because he felt more compelled than ever to protect you. Peppering your hands with tiny kisses, he finally had the strength to look into your sad eyes. He only hoped that you could hold out a little longer. He promised you in his mind that he would never leave your side for the next few months. This case took all his energy out of him but in your state, he couldn’t risk losing you.

Even if it meant that he had to give up being Batman for a long time. 

“I love you, my light,” he said, his voice similar to the shakiness present in his father’s words not too long ago. It was clear in your eyes that he was struggling to not cry from your state and the disappointment and shame he felt for neglecting you. He did not want to even mention to you that he was even stubborn enough to ignore the complaints Dick had sprinkled into his conversations with Bruce when they were alone and were not actively looking for Joker’s location. You knew what his actions meant though, and understood what Bruce was asking you to do. All you could do is numbly watch him kiss your hands. “I love you too, Bruce.” You looked up at all of your children who were staring at you, some crying silently and others unable to meet your gaze. “I love you all. I’m proud of you all for saving Gotham from those monsters,” you reassured. “Now, go get ‘em.”

Though Duke was heartbroken from his adoptive parent so sickly– a sight he knew all too well–he looked at you with determination. “We won’t let you down, Nini. We’ll make sure to come home safe.” And before, that was all you needed to hear.

But unlike before, you weren’t assured anymore by his promise; by any of their promises. Still, you let them go, because their passions for vigilantism was something you were always proud of. They were good children with hearts as pure as gold. 

That day, they reluctantly left you to go back to the batcave to meet with Catwoman, much to Alfred's disapproval and disappointment. You had just come home and they were already ignoring you? The only reason he had managed to stay calm in their presence was solely due to your reassurances to him that you understood and that you were going to be okay. He felt a bit better when he watched you spend your day putting in the lyrics you had jotted down during your time at the hospital into a complete song. 

It was nighttime when you had finished producing the music to the song. Since you were unable to do much, you solely relied on your music software on your computer to flesh out a melody and harmonies you had come up with in your mind. The song was an entirely different mood, compared to your other songs and albums. This one was different because it was a different genre, a folk song that leaned heavily on the sound effects of rain, thunder, and a simple accompaniment on guitar and piano. With its simple melody matching the minimal lyrics, it was a perfect reflection of your fragile heart and physical state, yet it had the strength to express your true feelings in such a simplistic and poignant way. 

In looking at the finished product, you only hoped that Alfred would like it. 

Meanwhile, the batcave was hectic and busy with frenzy. Catwoman had come to Bruce with the promise of finally solving where the enemies were located, where they hid from him and his children. This was the final missing piece to the puzzle that they all had spent months on. With the new information they had gotten with your hospitalization and seeing with their own eyes of how much you had suffered without them, they all agreed on ending this war against Joker and his accomplices as fast as they could, so they could shower you with the love and attention you had been deprived of for months. 

Of course, their detective work with Catwoman’s new information had prevented them from witnessing Selina taking advantage of Bruce’s break time by flirting with him. He had originally taken this break from the case to grieve silently on his own over your condition and his crumbling marriage, but Selina had decided to bother him again. He had noticed this pattern of behavior and clearly rejected all of Selina’s advances towards him during these past few months, yet she persisted. It killed him to not mention you at all, but he needed to keep your existence hidden from Selina, just in case she decided to use you as leverage one day. But now that he was worried about you, he was a lot less patient with her. She was rubbing up and down his chest with eyes filled with lust when he finally snapped at her.

“Can you stop, Selina?! Can’t you see how stressed I am about this case? I cannot afford to entertain any more of this when we’re so close to finding them. Not to mention, you’ve shamelessly flirted with me in front of my children. Have some decency and focus on the task at hand, before you risk losing whatever remains of our friendship!” he practically yelled at her and caused her to flinch and cower in fear. There were certain times when Bruce genuinely scared her as Batman. This was one of them.

She huffed and tried to recover her composure and dignity by stepping back from him and looking away from him and his concerned children. “Fine. Whatever you want, Bats,” she murmured before she shoved her hands in her pockets.

By the time she managed to look up at Bruce to say her genuine apologies, he had directed his attention towards the screen of the batcomputer. 

Seeing him and everyone else focused, she felt suffocated by the air, despite the vast openness of the cave. So, she decided to make herself more comfortable by going up the stairs to take solace in Alfred’s company. After all, Alfred had mentioned to her that she was more than welcome to come up there. Little did she know that the sight she was to be met with was the sight of a person in a hospital gown, staring out the window of the large living room with their back facing where she stood. Warily, she slipped by without them noticing and moved to the kitchen where she had heard Alfred cooking in. 

Smiling at the old man preparing a kettle of tea, she leaned against the door frame of the kitchen with a smile. As if sensing another presence in the room, he had let out a sigh. 

“If this is Master Bruce or one of my grandchildren, I am not involving myself with the case. I am busy taking care of a certain someone.” This made Selina chuckle and she crossed her arms. “Sorry to disappoint, Alfred, but a certain cat has become hungry. Will you be a dear and–”

But before she could say anything more, she was met with the fury of Alfred’s eyes digging into her own. She understood why Bruce and the others hated her at the moment, but she wasn’t sure what she had done wrong to the kind man. She had no time to ponder on it, as Alfred was already guiding her back to the elevator. He pressed the button with anger and looked up at her with an anger completely foreign to her. 

“With all due respect, Miss Kyle, you are not allowed to come here without Master Bruce accompanying you. It is polite to respect the wishes of the master of the house. Now, off you go to Master Bruce.” His eyes narrowed in what she can only make out to be disgust. “I’m sure he can provide ample enough company for you.” 

And that was it. The elevator doors closed and she was left completely stunned from the interaction. She thought that Alfred would be okay with her coming up on her own, but clearly, she forgot to remember that she had to be accompanied by Bruce (precautions to prevent her from stealing anything important there, she assumed).

With everyone’s sudden cold attitude towards her, she made up her mind to never visit Bruce again. Not if she can help it.

This sentiment was certainly enforced when she watched the sheer brutality Bruce and the others inflicted upon the Joker and the rest of his Rogues Gallery when they finally caught up with the enemies later that night. This was brutality that even she had to look away from. She knew of Bruce’s rule and his refusal to kill anyone, but she would be damned if she did not admit to herself that each one of their enemies looked like they were at death’s door. This impressive display of violence was so foreign to her; so, she made the decision any rational human would make in her situation and bid the family a quick farewell before she made her way out of there as fast as she could. It was a good idea anyway, seeing as the family didn’t even respond to her farewells, all of them too busy making their way towards their home. 

There was a reason for this violence, Bruce and his children thought. They all justified it to be their overwhelming sense of protectiveness towards you, the glue of the family. It was no wonder that the fights between them happened increasingly more often. You weren’t there to brighten their grouchiness. What they thought of throughout their night of confronting and arresting these villains was that they needed to get back home to you and give you the biggest hug they could muster out of their guilty hearts. 

When they came home, however, they could hear soft chatter coming from the room. They weren’t surprised to hear the conversation mostly held up by Alfred, but what they weren’t expecting was the sound of music echoing in the dark and lonely manor. They decided to come closer and check on you. However, the moment Bruce led the group into the living room, Alfred kissed your forehead and looked at them with a stern expression. Intimidated, they all backed up and decided not to make their presence known to you yet. 

Alfred turned back to you and tilted your chin up to look into your dejected eyes. You held your phone in your lap, seemingly connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room that were currently playing an isolated melody. They all shifted their focus to you and Alfred as he replied back to you. 

“It’s not terrible, my dear. You worked hard on that song for the entire day. I would love to hear your song,” he reassured you softly. You seemed to take comfort in his words, as your body relaxed from his gentle touch. He noticed this and smiled at you. “However, it is a song from your heart. If you can, I would like to hear you sing it with the accompanying track.”

This request was simple enough for you, so you started playing the accompaniment while you took a shuddering breath. Then, for the first time in months, Bruce and his children heard you sing, their guilty feelings heightened when they heard your voice barely emitting any noise. 

‘Forget everything I say,’ you whispered out, gripping onto the phone on your lap. From the first sentence, they all immediately gathered that this song was about them. 

And by God, did it hurt. 

You were right. They all forgot about you. They dismissed your concerns for their safety, even before this case. They were always grateful for your presence in their life, but never have they thought you would one day not feel the same. This, they could not blame with anyone else but themselves, and this night will surely not be forgotten in their minds. 

‘Find me, where you must tell light from shadow play.’

Now they knew the truth. You weren’t hiding because you were sick and were selflessly distancing yourself in order to keep them all healthy. You weren’t being the comforting light in their life. You had been hiding in the shadows and concealing the pain because they had made you feel so inconvenient and selfish for simply wanting to spend time with them. Both of these ideas had one thing in common: your selflessness and their inappreciative attitude towards that.  

‘The distance of words, letters meaning.’

Because of the last few months without them–half of which you had spent at the hospital–they knew they betrayed your trust. They couldn’t blame you. But hearing this from you with your own voice felt all the more real. You knew their words and reassurances were all heartfelt and had good intentions, but you only confirmed that you weren’t sure whether or not to trust that they would carry out their promises to you anymore.

They always came home to you showering them with love and giving them a true meaning of a normal, happy home, and they repaid you with a hospitalization and a lifetime of loneliness and distrust. What a grateful family they are. 

‘Otherwise, this fleeting world will pass by.’

With each adlib that slipped through your wavering lips after the lyric, your tears fell as slowly as the dragging tempo in the music. Each adlib increased in desperation and pure grief, only emphasized when you started to rock yourself back and forth with your arms wrapping comfortingly around your shaking body. Your voice cracked towards the last remaining melodies, as you were unable to control the shuddering breaths matching the now steady stream of tears coming down your bloodshot eyes.

All of this grief you felt was because of them. It was their fault. No matter what you will do to reassure your love for them in the future, they know of the truth.

You were hurt and a part of you will never forgive them for neglecting you. They were your family and they failed you. Heroes or not, it was no excuse for them to fail in loving you, even if the fate of the world rested in their hands. It was only right because you were family. You had always been. Yet still, despite your pain and heartbreak, they watched you in sad awe as you had the strength to pull yourself together to sing the rest of the song to a now crying Alfred.

‘See me run away,’

Bruce, at one point, had been terrified about the idea of losing you. It wasn’t the idea of losing you to one of his Rogues Gallery that terrified him, but rather the idea of you leaving him for another person that was much more tolerable to deal with and provided you with a normal lifestyle that he could never give you. You had always reassured him in the past with gentle kisses in your shared bed a whispered promise that you would always stay by his side. For pity’s sake, you had even married him, just to further console him from his paranoia. 

But seeing you say the words he had always feared you would one day say, well. That was enough for Bruce to let out a quiet sob. For the first time in his life, he cried in front of his children. And seeing their father so broken with guilt and fear was enough for them to cry as well. For a moment, they let themselves grieve over their parent and what they had been through during these past months and, surely, what their parent had been through before they came into their lives. Here they were grieving over the fact that they could never have happiness because they felt like they always ruined it.

Like father, like children.

If your words weren’t enough to break them, your final lyric finally confirmed their fears.

‘But these imprints will remain.’

No matter what you did to love and dote on them from now on, they will never forget this song and the words that came from a raw and vulnerable part in your heart. Even as they kissed your tears away after you had finished the song, they would carry this immense guilt in their hearts for the rest of their lives. 

Despite everything they had done to push you away, you did not run, as you had sung about in your song. Instead, you stayed with them. You had told them that you understood their actions and told them you forgave them. Why wouldn’t you forgive them when they were doing everything they could to show you how much they loved you? Why wouldn’t you forgive them when they helped you recover and celebrated each milestone you had achieved all on your own? Was that not enough to show to you that they loved you?

But even though your family has become stronger in the bond of love and unity, there will always be a part of them that will remember the terrifying feeling of losing you forever and will forever fear the idea of losing you one day; not just due to your death by their enemies, but due to they themselves being an enemy and a threat to keeping you in their family. 

That guilt was theirs and theirs alone, and that fear and shame would compel them to continue to show you how much they love you with all of their heart and soul, for the rest of their lives. You were important and the only happiness they felt that they could ever experience in their lives. 

Gensei. You were their entire universe, and you alone could control it.

——

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