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kidgillis · 1 month

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I'm in need of something. I'm not sure exactly what it is. But there's a craving for it—a need to experience what it could bring. There's a desire for it. It's so close but still so far away. I can feel it. I can sense it. I can hear it. I'm just not sure of its name. It is everything I need in the moment and everything I want in the future. It is everything I could ask for, but none of the things I thought were vital. I changed from being in its presence to just wanting to be engulfed by it entirely. It doesn't make sense to most, but to me, I finally understand. A healthy love will scare you, have you run for the hills, and leave you to examine yourself before figuring out your need to return. This is an experience worth losing yourself and your pride for. I'm just happy to learn that without complications and repercussions.

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kidgillis · 6 months

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I remember being told I must arrive at my sacred space. Only I will know when and where I am supposed to be. That those I meet along my journey there will teach me great things. That my only mission is to become who I'm supposed to be. I was born for this mission. With love, I was nurtured on this path. I've had many firsts here. I've taken many wins and losses. Ten years ago, I learned how to walk into rooms confidently. Smile on my face, head up, shoulder back, walking confidently in my stride. Twenty years ago, I learned how to capture the hearts of those I encountered. Allowing honesty to set my pace, having a mix of kindness escape my lips, and open intellect to express my thoughts while positive vibrations set my vibe. Thirty years ago, I learned how to embrace and release all that I experienced. Operating in divine feminine nature, intuned with my emotions, led by a God's spirit, and blessed with ancient wisdom and intuition - I became human. And I'm beyond delighted to continue learning in this place...This beautiful place.

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kidgillis · 7 months

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Darling, everything is dead here. Can't you smell it? The stench of the past still lingers in the air. That old wound is infected. When are you going to get it examined and treated? Hello? Are you listening? No, not really...I'm distracted, thinking - How did I even get here? Well, I stayed too long - in the place where most of my hurt originated. I dwelt in the midst of abuse and neglect, befriending skeletons and spirits as if it was normal. I was blind. Not able to see the truth right infront of me because, I wasn't taught how to read a room, discern spirits, nevertheless, speak up. I sat in silence as darkness suffocated me. My voice was muted, my heart was forcefully broken - again and again, as if it was normal. I was lost. Not able to grasp reality or find my way back to self. See, the person I once was, no longer dwelt in that place and I hadn't seen a glimpse of them since their shattering. So many beautiful positive traits, tarnished by so many negative factors. It was a disaster that left me unable to bounce back from it. There were no boundaries, no truth, no guidance, and no rules. What was often seen as happiness was simply masking what had to be hid - a deep sorrow and agonizing pain of death. Rest felt like the only escape from the demons within. Unable to run after so many years, I gave in and submitted to my demise. Goodbye to the old me - nothing nice to say - so, I cried many nights trying to find them. Dwelling in my loss and taking in my mire - I notice a small glimpse of light. Every day, I moved closer towards it. A hope rising within my spirit. Climbing to my feet, I grew willing to move a little bit. I witnessed a change in my circumstance and experienced rejuvenation in my soul as I allowed myself the right to simply be human for once. And, that's when I learned, I had to lose and let go of my old self in order to find and embrace my new self - unashamed of what was and accepting of what is and will become. I guess you can say, my mire made the roses bloom and I just had to learn how to tolerate the smell of both them...

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kidgillis · 7 months

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The older I get, I can't help but look back at my life to those unique and horrid moments. And, sometimes, I wonder...could I have handled this differently? Would I change that? Should I have done something else? I have no regrets. These are just some questionable remembrances that often come to mind. Like honestly...What if I was wrong? Is it okay to admit it? Can I take responsibility for my actions, reactions, and role in everything that previously happened? Can I be still and listen, hearing other's perspectives and what's being said to me without defending myself or having a rebuttal? Can I accept the truth without adding or subtracting from it? Can I live with the consequences of my actions? Can I understand and learn from my mistakes? Can I apologize without condemnation? Can I receive forgiveness without judgment? Can I change for the better without having to prove something to someone? Can I be human? Can I make mistakes and have bad days without being ridiculed? Can I learn and grow from immature to mature, even as I age? Can I be emotional or even break down without someone trying to abandon me? Can I cry without being told I'm too sensitive and weak? In my heart, I know the answers to my questions. Yes, I can do these things, but sometimes...I don't, and I don't know why. But that's the past. So, I'll leave it there until these thoughts come back to visit me again, later on...

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kidgillis · 7 months

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Speak. I can't. There are no words left to say. I can't force what isn't there. I won't do that to myself. Say it. I don't want to. There's no point in bringing it up. It is what it is. Let's leave it alone. I can only change myself and adapt to the life I want to see manifested. Stop. I won't. There's no time for me to waste. I can't sit around and wait. Hoping "maybe, one day," when a million are passing away as we converse about the same thing. Stay. I have to go because if I stay here any longer, I will. And that's the problem. I'm in need of change. In need of embracing new things. I want to go on adventures. Meet new people. Experience a different story than the narrative you've spoken and the one I've been given. There's no hard feelings. I just can't deny that I've changed. I've grown. No, wait! I can't. I became everything I swore I never would, just to realize I had nothing I needed due to the lack I witnessed. Please, let's talk about this. I tried but, you refused to engage. Now, I'm different. I want more. This isn't enough. It's not bad, but it's not good. I need you! I want to do more than survive in life. I love you! I want to live. I want you. My God, I want to live! So, let's not do this. But, we can work things out. No, I can't. I won't. I owe it to myself to do what is best for me. And, what's best for us is to drift apart. Please, don't do this! I have to go. So, when we do meet again, I can continue on my journey with you - sharing what I've learned and experience. Pouring into you all that I have to freely give and holding onto what I need to continue living the dream you've always had for me but never got the chance to make my reality. I'm sorry! Don't be. I'm not. There's nothing to apologize for you. How we grow and mature is out of our control.

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kidgillis · 10 months

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Darling, regardless of how you feel in the moment or what you think might happen; you'll still have to show up and do the work! If not for yourself, then for those who are or will continuously encounter you. Think ahead. Yes, there will be days where you won't be able to stand- those are rare, but it happens, and that's okay. However, the rest of your days - you'll have to deny yourself, analyze your feelings, face yourself, and deal with your past happenings because you deserve to let it go.

#kidgillis #recovery #writerscreed #writtenconsiderations #writeundertheinfluence #versifyingpens #writeblrcafe #writerslife #poeticstories #poetryportal #twcpoems #twcprose #twcpoem #twcpoetry #yearsofages #writeblr #self awareness #mental health

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kidgillis · 11 months

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Darling, you don't have to pretend with me. You don't have to hide your emotions or thoughts. I know depression is hard to deal with and healing from trauma reopens a lot of scars. However, no matter how low or bad you might feel, you have to know this truth - Darling, I love you and I'll always be here, even if you don't want me too. See, I want to hear about your day, what you're into, and what you're doing. I want to be present with you during your happiest and saddest moments - ready to pick you up or push you forward. I want to dwell with you when you feel abandoned or alone - just as much as I want to spend time with you laughing and having fun. I want to comfort you with the warmest embrace or simply hold your hand, if you'll allow. I want to wipe away your tears just as much as I want to make you smile. I want to make you all of your favorite foods and watch all of your favorite series...even those that I hate. I want to cuddle up - being the big or little spoon, as long as you're with me. I don't care if you ugly cry or throw a fit of rage - we can destory the world together and clean up the mess late - when we're ready. And, If we have to sit in silence, we can do that too. We don't have to talk about anything you're not ready too. But, if you do want to talk - you can vent or completely consume me with your twisted thoughts and rambling words. For you, I have all the time in the world. When I'm with you - I'm home. There's no where else to go. There's no other place I'd rather be. Beloved, you are so important to me and I know, sometimes...it's hard for you to accept or receive that truth from me but, I'll continue to prove myself and reassure you - as long as it takes. I love you. God, I love you so much. I'd do anything for you - except three things. I won't dishonor you, your love, or your trust. Which means, I won't let you harm, end, or mistreat yourself. You can pretend that you're fine and that life isn't a mess with the world. But, when your with me, you can forget the facade and break into million pieces. I'll be here through it all.

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kidgillis · 9 days

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If you'd like to read a small snippet of my first poetry collection "Ethereal Love" click here to head on over to Wattpad! Now, this isn't the full version of my book - so a few gems are missing. But, hopefully, it'll be intriguing and satisfying to someone in need of a quick euphoric feel. Anyways, thanks for all your love and support on this journey! I seriously appreciate it. Leave a comment or review, if you like what you read. Also, pick up a copy of my book over at the LuluBook store.

GO READ THE WATTPAD EDITION OF ETHEREAL LOVE BY CLICKING THE LINK BELOW!

GRAB YOUR COPY OF ETHEREAL LOVE AT THE LINK BELOW!

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kidgillis · 2 years

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While I'm here cleaning out my closet, there are so many memories and emotions held in these simple articles of clothings. Who knew this wardrobe held so many untold stories and even some that scream through these fabrics. Each piece is unique and beautiful in it's own right. They've all serviced their purpose and helped me accomplish many missions. Some still fit during this season. Some, I outgrew - they're too big & small. Some don't suit who I am right now nor will it suit who I am trying to become. Some are untouched with tags on them. Some can be thrown out & others can be given away to be a blessing for someone else. It's hard to let go of the things i've grown fond of. Yet, they aren't needed any longer. I must let go, in order to make room for what I desire, instead of holding on to attachments. I need the space, so I can acquire what I want & need the most, right now. And, If there is one thing I learned about life...it's that you can't hold on too tight to time nor the things acquired in this world. You have to be able to let go at any minute & simply cherish the memories time has given. Change should be accepted, understood, & embraced. Today is a reminder of how important it is to simply vibe and flow with the current season, present, and frequency you're operating in and on, at the moment. I'm always changing, every second, just like the world around me. However, am I able to accept that simple truth and am I able to let go of what no longer serves me? That is the question that remains existing...

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kidgillis · 1 year

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Hey Guys!

I've been gone for awhile but, I promise...my hiatus was worth it! First off, happy holidays! I hope you guys are enjoying the holidays! I'm not really in the holiday spirit but, I am joyful this season because I see so many changes occuring in my life.

I've been gone for some time and I know it seems like I abandoned my blog...I did! I was burnt out and my life's cup was empty. I had nothing left to give and nothing more to say. So, I stopped speaking except a few thoughts here and there on twitter. Yet, the whole time I've been gone...I've been working! On what? Well...I am happy to announce that my first poetry collection has been released as of Decemeber 3rd. The collection is title "Ethereal Love" and it is written by me, Kid Gillis! The book is about two strangers who began to explore life and each other. And, well...to learn more...you'll have to check out the LuLu Bookstore to find out!

Guys, It has been a crazy journey going through the process of creating this masterpiece. 5 years, 25+ drafts and edits, 4 name changes, 5 proofs, no beta readers, promotionals or advertising...Darling, I've learned so much and am so grateful for this beautiful experience. I am officially a published author. And, I hope this book is a blessing to those who'll take a chance reading it.

Thank you for all of your support and constant love. I appreciate it. This blog...this is where my writing journey officially began in March of 2018. And now, December of 2022...I'm sharing my God given dream with you. I hope you'll enjoy it!

And, please...to all of my creative and to everyone in general...DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS! DON'T LET ANYONE TALK YOU OUT OF YOUR DREAMS OR GOALS. DON'T LET ANYONE PUT YOU DOWN OR INTIMIDATE YOU. I PROMISE YOU, YOU ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE OF MEETING YOUR GOALS AND LIVING YOUR DREAM. WITH PURE HEART, DEDICATION, WORK, AND GOD'S BLESSING...YOU CAN AND WILL GET TO WHERE YOU NEED TO BE, BE EXACTLY WHO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE, AND DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO! I BELIEVE IN YOU AND I SUPPORT YOU! YOU GOT THIS AND GOD GOT YOU! KEEP BELIEVING! KEEP DREAMING!

I LOVE YOU, REGARDLESS.

- M

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kidgillis · 2 years

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Atlas, when your pain comes to an end. No more tears or unfortunate circumstances. I have one question, I'd like to ask. Would you choose to live or die, love? Verily, I say unto you, you can not just survive here. There's way to many reasons to thrive & experience life, beloved.

#kidgillis #recovery #writerscreed #writtenconsiderations #writeundertheinfluence #writeblrcafe #poeticstories #poetryportal #brokensoulsreborn #brokensoulsuploads #twcpoems #twcprose #twcpoem #twcpoetry #yearsofages #13cupsofteareblog

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kidgillis · 2 years

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Back in the day, we didn't disrespect adults or elders or the eras they came from. We sat, listening to folks, taking in their wisdom. Even now, we still honor them, understanding their perspectives & respecting the fact that they did the best they could with what was given...

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kidgillis · 2 years

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Sleep child, close your eyes & dream. Today is over but, tomorrow will soon arrive again. No need to wait up, waiting for darkness to fade. Morning will come. You will change, becoming different from day to day, although all else in the world will feel the same...

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