#when i tell you it feels like i've waited years for this drama | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

arminsumi · 2 months

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🔞 𝐀𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 | 𝟏𝟖+

𝐓𝐨-𝐁𝐞 𝐄𝐱-𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 | 𝟐

<- 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯.

𝟑.𝟔𝐤 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 / 𝟕 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : fem reader / Gojo Satoru / (Geto Suguru)

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 : your ex-boyfriend claims he isn't a playboy anymore, but is he being genuine? Another date with him leaves you a mess, and you end up asking his best friend out for coffee.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : angst, pining, drama, smut (cr**mpies, light degradation, name calling (sl*t and wh*re), c*nnilingus, bl*wjob in the backseat/risky), implied sexual relationship with Suguru

𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐦𝐞 : Heaven and Back | Often | Wine Pon You | New Rules

You walk out of your bedroom gussied up, lips painted in a very specific shade of red.

And Shoko, laid on the couch tiredly, gapes in disbelief at you.

"Oh my god." she groans, "Please don't tell me you're going on another date with that playboy."

You act dumb, nervously touching your neck as you style your hair in the mirror some more.

"What?"

"You're wearing the Gojo Satoru lipstick."

You continue acting, "This isn't the 'Gojo Satoru' lipstick, I love this lipstick! I always wear this shade!"

She looks at you, dumbfounded by your acting, nearly laughing.

"No, that's the Gojo Satoru lipstick. I can distinctly recall his words; "That's my baby's lipstick on me." and how you giggled on his shoulder."

"Shoko, that was five years ago." you say, "It's fine. I promised him only one more date. He needs closure."

"He's had five years of closure." Shoko replies, "Angel, you're too good for him."

"He's changed!" you insist.

"No, he hasn't; I saw that look in his eyes when I saw you two on the couch. He's still a playboy, and he'll prove it to you soon enough." she says.

"I have faith in him." you say.

"How many times have I heard that?" she shakes her head, getting ready to have a smoke. "You know, Gojo Satoru has always gotten what he wants. That's why he's so fascinated by the new you; you're not giving yourself to him like you did back then."

"I have faith in him!" you emphasize. "God, just tell me I look good."

"..."

"Please. I'm nervous. He's high-class, you know. I feel like I'm going on a date with the president of the world."

Shoko sighs and heads towards the balcony to smoke.

"You look too good." she says earnestly. "He was right about that shade of lipstick on you."

Her compliment makes you light up significantly.

You fuss as you wait. Since Shoko asks, you tell her; "He ordered for someone to chauffeur me."

"Oh my god." she groans, "He's really buttering you up."

"But isn't it such a gentleman move!"

"... more like a rich boy flex." she mutters under her breath, stubbing out the end of her cigarette.

"Okay. I've got to go. See you later... um, unless I overnight by him, of course." you giggle dreamily.

"Condoms." Shoko says simply.

"He's got some."

"Bring your own, always."

"But I'm on birth control, and we've already — " you begin.

Shoko cuts you off, "I know, but have you ever heard about the whole "creampies make you fall in love" thing?"

"What?" you look dumbly. "Isn't that a myth?"

"No. Coming inside is affectionate. You're going to feel connected to him and then he'll dip when you become "too serious" for him. Just keep him at bay."

You give her advice consideration, and nod. "Okay, alright. I won't let him do it inside."

*****

While being chauffeured, you rehearse in your head how to greet your ex-boyfriend — but it doesn't help, because as soon as you're actually in his presence again, your mind goes blank and you start nervously touching at your neck and giggling to cope with his charm.

From the moment Satoru takes your hand and leads you into the restaurant, you feel like a VIP. It's such a familiar feeling; in your early twenties, when you and him dated, he showed you what it meant to be really rich.

And he was excited to shower you in lavish treatment, he loved to see you decorated in his diamonds and to see your bright smile on foreign beaches.

The effect he has on you is even noticed by the waiter, who tends to your secluded table on the rooftop. You and Satoru feel like you're in your own bubble.

"I'm serious." he says honestly, looking into your eyes.

"... you break my heart, then disappear for five years, and then come back asking for marriage." you shake your head, "Doesn't that sound insane to you? Can't you understand why I'm rejecting you?"

"I've changed."

You hum skeptically.

"Really." he tilts his head, he flicks his brow giving his expression that sad little look that really sells it for you.

"If we got married, how long would it last?"

"What do you mean? We'd be wed 'till we're dead." he grins.

You shake your head and smile at him, poking at your plate. A long silence passes.

"... let me think about it."

"... okay." his spirits lift. "But don't make me wait too long; I'm impatient." he teases.

"Too bad. I'm gonna take my time." you sass, biting a piece of meat off your fork to make a statement.

He grins at you.

*****

Food all eaten, dessert long gone. The night air feels good. Not like old times, but new times with an old lover. He knows he messed up, right? So why hasn't he apologized yet? Maybe, you theorize to yourself to justify him, maybe he's still thinking up an apology.

He stares at you from across the table, eyes hungry like a starved wolf.

"You look so good tonight." he says for the third time.

You giggle in response, "Stop..."

"I swear that shade of lipstick looks familiar." he teases, leaning over the table.

You can smell his cologne, and it entrances your heart.

"... is it?" you ask softly, pretending like you don't know what he's talking about.

He knows you're pretending, he thinks it's cute.

"You think it would look good on me too?" he asks.

You shrug like a ditzy princess, "I dunno. Wanna find out...?"

He's so quick to call the waiter for the bill, like there's a pressing issue that needs his attention.

But the only pressing issue is his hard-on pressing hot against his thigh.

*****

Giving his cock all your attention in the backseat of the car, Satoru forces his moans down so that his poor chauffeur doesn't hear through the screen divider.

You stifle a slurping sound, sliding off the tip of his cock slowly, and it makes him shudder hard. He closes his eyes, like that helps any, and tries to keep from cumming in your mouth right there.

Gojo knows your lipstick stains are going all over his cock, it drives him crazy.

Before he cums, you pull off and he mutters a small "Just you wait..." under his breath that makes you smile wide.

****

Kissy marks lead up his abs. Of course, he wants to take a photo — to preserve the memory.

"Hand here, baby. Good girl." he instructs, and in his voice right then you can hear how mature he is now, in comparison to the squeakier voice he had when you two first met.

He's not a boy anymore, he's a man. But very far from being your man, which he's trying to change.

"Lay back." he murmurs. "Spread your legs. Wider. Good girl."

Without saying a thing about it, he noses in between your thighs and shows you heaven is real, and it exists on Gojo Satoru's tongue.

"Fuck!" you clamp your thighs around his head, making him hum while sliding his tongue inside.

When you two first dated, he wasn't inexperienced — but he didn't quite know how to eat a woman out.

Five years is a long time to practice, and he definitely did. You can feel his sloped nose nudging against your clit as he kisses and sucks, sometimes nibbling softly with his teeth at your puffy lips.

Making you cum on his tongue is almost too easy for Satoru, he nearly laughs as he pulls away and licks your slick off his lips. He thinks it's a pity that he's at the wrong angle to see your eyes rolling back. But at least he sees how you throw your head back for him, and how you sound for him — like a cat, he loves it.

"Nice and messy for me now, huh?" he hums, connecting his body with yours as he crawls upwards and devours your lips.

"Mhm!" you whine, still unsteady from your orgasm, breathing frantically. "Satoru, I need you in me right now."

"Aw, but I was gonna — "

"Nowww!" you beg.

He sighs, "Can't say no to that face."

You watch intently, licking your lips, as he whips his belt off and takes his cock out. It's red from the tip down to the middle, where that familiar thick vein always catches your attention.

By your request, even though it confuses him, he squeezes his cock into a condom.

"What do you need, baby?" he asks, lowering his cock onto your pussy and rubbing it between your slicked lips.

You squeal as he flicks at your clit, then pinches your folds around his cock, making you realize his size in comparison to little you.

"I need you."

"Need me how?"

"Satoru!" you hiss annoyedly.

"I don't want to have to tease you, baby just say it."

"I want your cock inside me."

"Not nearly slutty enough." he shakes his head, drawing his cock back and forth, rubbing over your soft pussy. "You said to me in the car that you were a total, fucking slut for me, didn't you say that? Or am I imagining things?"

You start babbling, "Yeah! I'm a slut for you, I want it so bad!" you whine, "C'mon fuck me stupid!"

"That's better." he grins.

Just like how he always does, he presses his tip inside you so politely but then pushes it in too deep, making you curl like you're about to cum.

Satoru's not one to go slow for long, he'd rather pound into you hard and fast right away, to bring out that slut in you as quick as he can. Because right now, you're not nearly slutty enough for him, as he said — and he needs to see that side of you.

"Baby, get loud for me, come on." he grunts, shoving himself as deep as he can, reaching the spot that you know isn't the G-spot or your cervix, but something in-between.

"Fuck!" you almost cry, "That's so good, fuck me harder please!"

He grins, cheeky fangs on display, and goes harder until you can hardly handle it. You don't care if it hurts just a little bit, because you want to know that every inch of your ex's cock is inside you. Not just eight, eight and a half — honestly, he doesn't know where you put all of that, but he delights in watching it disappear into your hole.

"Look at you." he purrs, "How deep are you trying to suck me?"

It feels like he's going to split you in two. Sweat pours out of the both of you, bodies getting slippery.

As Satoru continues pumping his cock back and forth, in and out of you, he starts furrowing his brows together in focus — playful edge dulling as it always does when it feels good good.

"That's it, you fucking take it." he grunts, "Good girl, you're a good little slut for me huh?"

"Yeahhh I'm a good little slut for you!"

"Let me take the condom off, baby."

You know you're gonna hear it from Shoko if she knows, but in the moment you're too drunk on sex to care, and even reach back to strip the condom off your ex's cock yourself as he watches with a smirk.

"Good girl. Now flip on your side, like this." he instructs.

He slides back inside slowly, filling you inch by inch with a low groan — like he's falling in love.

And the sounds he makes as his orgasm builds up make you want to cum again, too. Each time he hits that strange spot between your G-spot and cervix, your visions sparks a little.

Hard strokes tip you over, and you lay there letting Satoru degrade you and call you a filthy slut. You'd be his anything as long as it felt this good.

"I'm so close." he warns, trying to savor the buildup.

"Cum inside me." you mewl, "Please."

"Yeahhh I'm gonna — fuck. Take my cum, be a good girl."

The broken moan he lets out as he creampies you is almost obscene. Satoru slows his thrusts as he shoots everything he has into you.

His jaw slacks, and he groans, "... prettiest little slut, aren't you? So filthy and pretty."

"I'm gonna cum againnn..." you whine, reaching down to rub frantically on your sensitive clit.

He watches you through the haze of his post-orgasm, slowly grinding his cock inside to get you there.

"Good girl."

"C-call me a slut again, please."

He laughs naughtily, "Fucking slut. Come on, finish on me. Make that cute face again, 'cute lil' whore."

Satoru always surprises you during sex in some way, this time you're surprised when he caresses your cheek as you cum. You shake and spasm, feeling each shock of your orgasm.

Panting and coming down from your high, Satoru cracks a smile.

"You were so loud." he laughs.

Reality hits you, "Oh my god, I didn't know I liked being called a slut so much!" you cover your face embarrassedly.

He rings out with laughter.

*****

After sex. What happens after sex? He's a gentleman, and that makes you tear up — not because he's a gentleman, but because he never used to be quite like this.

No, he never used to be quite like this. Even kissing you afterwards? Why was it, you wonder, that back then he couldn't love you as deeply as now, when you needed it most?

"What's wrong?" he asks.

You try to stop your crying, but it gets worse.

"Satoru." you say, sniffling, eyes pointed downwards, "I know it's been five years, but I'm still hurt."

He doesn't reply. Just awkwardly wrings his hands and sits at the edge of the bed, soft duvet covering his lap.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't really help."

"Then what can I do?"

"I don't know." you sniffle, "Go back in time and love me. You know, I needed your love back then more than I do now." you admit to both him and yourself.

Satoru purses his lips, thinking before he speaks — but then he ends up not replying at all.

Instead, he goes to wipe your tears. Something he always did towards the end of your relationship, because you were always crying.

"I should go home."

He jolts a little. "Oh. I thought you were gonna stay the night?" he croaks. Inside, he's dreading sleeping alone again.

"No." you shake your head. "I've got to stop fooling myself. We're not getting back together, you're not more than a playboy, we're not getting married — and sex with you is better than with anyone else, but a relationship can't bank on that, Satoru."

"I'm being genuine. I told you earlier that I was."

"How can I trust you?" you ask.

"Playboys don't propose marriage." he replies.

"But you're just joking about that!"

"I'm not!" he stresses, "The last time you loved me, I was just a boy. I'm a man now and I know what I want." he says roughly.

You both go silent. Then he starts speaking again, voice softer than before.

"I love you more every time I see you."

You don't say anything back. He looks stricken and confused.

"I'm gonna go." you say.

He purses his lips tightly, looking frustrated that he can't get through to you.

"I'll take you home." he says quietly.

*****

Shoko is just digging around in the freezer for therapeutic ice cream when you come into the entry way.

"You look dreadful."

"Thanks."

"Bad date?"

"The worst..."

"Still love him?"

"... yeah."

"Marriage?"

"I'm in love, not stupid." you reply.

Shoko chuckles. "Come on. Let's catch up on that series. I'm not on-call." she cheers for herself. "We can binge the whole thing."

"Shoko, where would I be without you?" you sigh appreciatively, flopping on the couch next to her, mascara smudged off and all.

"Staying the night with a playboy, probably."

"Can't argue that." you sigh, "Shoko, I'm so dumb for him, what do I do?"

"Wait. Strike at the right moment."

"I'm not a cobra."

"Buy a cobra. Let it loose on him."

"Your humor is so dark, Shoko. I love you."

"Love you more."

*****

Meanwhile, Satoru is with Suguru; who is listening to his sulking best friend.

"I'm so dumb for her. What do I do?" he groans, "Shoko's probably poisoning her against me as we speak."

Suguru thinks deeply. "Shoko..."

"I know!" Satoru nearly starts crying again. He's being so dramatic, it's hard to take him seriously. But Satoru almost never cries. So Suguru seriously thinks about solutions to his problems.

"Shoko!" Suguru realizes.

"I knowww!"

"No, Satoru, Shoko!" Suguru emphasizes, like he's just made a breakthrough, "Shoko is the answer to all your problems!"

"Ew. I'd never date Shoko."

"You're so dense. I'm not suggesting that. Shoko's her best friend, and she listens to whatever she says, like you listen to me."

"You have a point... I'm listening."

"See?" Suguru chuckles, "Now, here's what I think you should do..."

*****

"You want me to talk to Suguru?" you shake your head. "How would that help?"

"He's his best friend. If you want to find out if Satoru's no-good, you go to the best friend."

"Suguru would rather die than expose Satoru. They're not like regular best friends, they're soulmate best friends." you say, nervously touching at your neck.

Shoko shakes her head. "Are you scared to talk to Suguru or something? What actually happened between you two back then? You never told me."

You go silent and wide-eyed. Shoko's jaw drops open.

"No way. Holy shit. Oh my god. You and him...?!"

"... it was just once."

"Holy shit! Was this before, after or during you and Satoru together?"

"I'm loyal as a dog! It was after... I was feeling, um, revengeful, and Suguru was feeling lonely one night... so..."

"Suguru actually did that?! Did Satoru find out?"

"We promised to never talk about it again. You know... Suguru was so nice about it. I remember he laid me down and said "Don't worry, just cum on my tongue" or something. Ugh, he was so hot. He fucked the life out of me — I could barely fucking see straight after."

"Too much information!" Shoko plugs her ears.

You look up at the ceiling dreamily. "He's thicker than Satoru."

"My best friend is a slut!" Shoko cries.

"I am!" you cry back dramatically.

The two of you burst out laughing wickedly.

"To sluts!" Shoko toasts with an ice cream spoon.

You toast with her, "To sluts! The sluttier the better!"

"Are you gonna talk to Suguru, then? Or are you scared of your inner slut coming out?" Shoko asks.

"I'll do it. It'll be fine. I'm sure Suguru doesn't look as good in real life as he does in photos..." you reply.

You exchange a look with her. Immediately, the two of you stalk Suguru's social medias and —

"Seriously? Who doesn't have a single social in this day and age?!" You curse, only finding photos of Suguru with Satoru.

"That's just like him."

"Maybe he has a Linkedin."

"You're desperate."

"Yeah!"

"Wait, here's something...?"

You investigate further.

"It's private?!"

Shoko bursts out laughing with ice cream melting on her tongue.

"Comedy!"

"This is seriously annoying. I'm gonna friend him." you say.

Shoko looks at you. You look at Shoko.

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

"You're CRAZY."

"I am!"

"Let me watch, let me watch."

"Okay. I'm doing it."

*****

Satoru is mixing another over-sweetened, non-alcoholic cocktail to be sipped on as if he's drinking his sorrows away.

And Suguru? He's laying on the couch, ghosting social medias that he has no account with, happily enjoying a video of traditional cuisine when suddenly he sees the most outrageous, random, and bizarre notification from his mostly-dead private account.

He makes a suspicious side-eye, thinking it can't be real.

Friend request from @ 𝐘𝐍

@ 𝐘𝐍 wants to send you a message.

@ 𝐘𝐍 hey suguru 😊

"What the fuck." he whispers under his breath, blushing in a panicked kind of way.

Immediately, hot memories of you flood his mind. He sits more upright on the couch, glances nervously to check what Satoru was doing, then looks at your message again.

His heart races.

*****

"This is stupid. He's gonna leave me on read."

"Yeah. I forgot Suguru was notorious for that." Shoko sighs. "Operation: Suguru is a failure, then?"

"Yeah."

You set your phone down and continue binge watching a whole season of a trashy series on Netflix.

Your phone vibrates thirty minutes later. You check it without thinking, then scream so loud it startles Shoko right out of her zen-like Netflix mood.

"NO WAY."

"Is it him? What did he say?"

"He said 'hey'. He's online."

"Well say something!"

You panic, "What do I say?"

"Ask him for coffee! In a non-romantic way!"

"Okay."

wanna go for coffee sometime?

@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 is this about satoru or us?

it's about satoru

@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 riiight

i'm serious 😠

@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 because i wouldn't mind if it's about us

"WHAT." you scream with Shoko.

"REPLY TO HIM."

"I DON'T KNOW HOW."

"GIVE ME YOUR PHONE."

Shoko clacks her nails against the screen viciously, replying to him as you watch her type.

"That doesn't sound like I wrote it."

"Well sorry for being grammatically correct."

"Make it sound sillier."

"There."

Shoko sends it. You watch and wait with bated breath, ignoring the climactic scene on the TV because Suguru Geto was far more attention-grabbing.

"Oh my god." you clap your hand over your mouth. "Is that sexual? Is he being sexual?"

"I have no idea, Suguru's an enigma."

"Do you think Satoru is sitting with him? Are they playing us?"

Shoko shrugs. "I don't know, but I'd read that message if I were you."

You look back to your phone.

@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 sooo coffee where and when?

"SHOKO WHAT DO I DO."

"I don't know."

"SHOKO."

"I DON'T KNOW. I'M STUNNED."

"ME TOO."

"I bet Satoru is cackling next to Suguru right now."

"I bet not. Listen to how sultry he is! That's three o's in there!"

Shoko thinks. "Yeah, but Suguru is always sultry. I think they're pulling a joke on us."

*****

Satoru is dozing off while his best friend texts you. Suguru's not resisting his smirk; it's plastered on his face.

@ 𝐘𝐍 tomorrow? 2pm sound ok? 🙈

@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 sounds perfect.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞.

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flowerandblood · 2 months

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ONE YEAR OF FLOWER&BLOOD

✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙

Exactly one year ago I posted my first chapter of the My Best Friend series. Nowadays I think it's something awful and I don't even try to edit it because I'd have to write everything from scratch, but I've left it for people who feel attached to the story. I remember getting about six likes and one comment on the first day and that huuuuge interest made me eager to create chapter 2 and then all the others.

I remember the excitement with which I waited and then replied to comments, not believing that people were actually waiting for the next chapter. At the time I was literally not following anyone, which was good because I wasn't comparing myself to anyone.

Eventually I felt I was ready to try writing other series and a few were successful enough that I decided to stay here permanently and create because it made me happy. Up to that point, everyone had been very kind to me and I started following more and more blogs, wanting to feel part of the fandom, to make friends with everyone. Now I know that was the biggest mistake I made.

Seeing things that didn't interest me, fanfic's whose way of writing couldn't draw me in, I felt frustrated, while at the same time fearing that if I stopped following someone, that person would see it as an affront. At the same time, The Impossible Choice, my biggest project until The Fall from the Heavens (which I'm currently editing and re-editing, while inserting on AO3), began to be written.

Just when I thought I had reached the pinnacle of my abilities (which wasn't true), I also started to clash with anonymous hate messages, probably the worst of which were those vilifying me and my husband, and those regarding my one-shot with Micheal Gavey. I know now that taking it personally and getting involved was my big mistake, and the fandom was shaken by drama that got out of hand.

I was a few steps away from deleting my blog at the time, but my husband talked me out of the idea (thankfully, as my stories aren't saved anywhere else − I'm only now moving them to AO3).

That's when I first realised that some people here I don't even like, and they probably don't like me. I wondered, why are we following each other then? Why are we pretending to have any courtesy? It was only later that I realised that to be considered someone's friend, you have to reblog their work and preferably agree with them even when they write hurtful things.

Since I've depleted my circle of those I follow to about 20 people, since I've blocked dozens of people and tags, there's been blissful silence (with the exceptions of when I write about behaviour in the fandom that I find toxic and someone accuses me of causing drama, but I'm used to it now). I've also never written happier than I do now.

Ideas come to me on their own, I don't feel uptight about what other big people will think of me, whether they reblog it, approve of it or not. I don't give a shit and life is beautiful! Although I can be emotionally unstable, I'm only 70 people short of crossing the next milestone of 3,000 followers, and that's BIG for me. It amuses me that I keep getting messages that someone is going to block me or stop following me, and you guys keep coming. It's gratifying.

I'm going to keep writing for you guys, and I'm sure during season two you'll also see my posts describing my impressions after the episodes in which I hope to involve my husband. I'll also keep you updated here on how I'm doing with my book I'm creating in my private life.

Apreciation

@ewanmitchellcrumbs

Ange. I know that sometimes I'm fucked up, but I want you to know that you've made this place so much more bearable for me that I can't imagine it without you. What I appreciate most about you is that you can talk and discuss, that you always try to understand the other side, that you are empathetic, warm and kind. I feel that, like friends in everyday life, we can also tell each other about things we disagree about, and there are not many people like that here.

On top of that, you are very talented and your stories are always a pleasure to read, even when they are short, you are able to build the plot and atmosphere perfectly, something I have always admired. Thank you for every kind word and understanding.

I still remember your first message to me via ask, referring to the fact that I didn't want to write a pairing with a mermaid because someone else was writing about it at the same time. My heart melted then, it was so nice!

@targaryenrealnessdarling

Liz, Queen of Angst! Your calmness and composure puts me in awe. You're disgustingly talented when it comes to writing and you have a super-sweet personality. When you started following me I began to squirm with delight, and when you started reblogging my stuff? My goodness!!!

@persephonerinyes

You've been engaging and reblogging my stories for as long as I can remember. Always involved, your thoughts make me smile. Thank you for being with me for so long!

@zenka96

You've been here with me since the dawn of time. You know that I love you. Your support from the very beginning really makes me feel like I have a friend here.

@huramuna

I am so proud of you! I remember your asks when I wrote Glass Cuts Deepest, your illustrations for me and your uncertainty about whether you should start writing yourself. I'm so happy for you and that you are so successful! You deserved it.

@black-dread & @aegonx

You are my favourite gif makers. Your work always leaves me in awe, you are amazing! I know how much work you put into it and somehow you make even the worst lit scenes look wonderful!

@summerposie; @0eessirk8; @melsunshine; @immyowndefender; @bellaisasleep; @kckt88; @thedamewithabook; @happinessinthebeing; @queenofshinigamis; @travelingmypassion; @mefools; @fan-goddess; @toodlesxcuddles; @ammo23; @troublesomesnitch; @mariahossain; @out-of-life; @apothe-roses; @heavenhatesme; @whitearemydarkestnight; @liv-cole; @blackswxnn; @echos-muses; @watercolorskyy; @at-a-rax-ia; @tssf-imagines; @snh96; @hiatuswhore; @exitpursuedbyavulcan; @darylandbethfanforever9; @the-dendrophile-bookdragon; @opheliaas-stuff @zaldritzosrose

Your comments and reblogs make me want to keep writing. You make me laugh, you comfort me and you support me. I know I'm definitely forgetting someone, but I want you to know that I love everyone who comments on my stories and there is nothing better for me than responding to your reactions and questions! I have known some of you for so many months that I truly consider you my good friends!

lottie-blue-star; aveatquevale-; aemondtargaryenwifey marvelescvpe; alphard-hydraes-blog; herejusttostan; li0nn3stuff; alexandrawho; vilmakamunen; angelinap09; theloveablestargirl; rose-blue-19; xxxkat3xxx; flosaureum; mandiiblanche; librawh0re; jasminecosmic99; ivvypg; rojocarnation; killmanduh; tokkiiidoll; wolfdressedinlace; angelofvivianne; nina2697; starwarsgirlsimmer1; katsucker; ipostwhtifeel; aemondsdelight; ilswemoon; tigrigri; pasta-rask; roselibrary; lystargs; gemini-mama; nikstrange; tempo-rary-fix; coffeeobsessedtrencher; gwuinivyre; dreamerbythewayx; diiickbrainn; mothmankit

And everyone else I missed and whose icons I would recognize from afar. I know that you have been with me for many months, often in silence or communicating anonymously. Your silent support and presence is something wonderful for me, knowing that you have been with me for so long and read all my posts!

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!

#one year anniversary #celebration

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lunasdreamytreats · 1 month

Text

Best kept secrets

Baizhu x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW // !PSUDO STEPFATHER/STEPDAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP! don't like, don't read // modern au // legal age-gap (Baizhu's in his late 30's, reader's in their early 20's) // drinking wine // reader calls their mother 'mama' // petnames (darling, little girl / good girl) // daddy kink (u call him it a few times and he calls himself it too) // mentions of drugs and aphrodisiacs // begging // oral (m+f receiving) // fingering // dumbification // bad writing (was still finding my writing style as i began writing and its not fully proofread)

Word count: 3.5k... (jeez i went crazy)

A/N: HBD MY LOVE 🥰 I love Baizhu sm, been planning this bad boy forever. Please enjoy and make sure to read the warnings carefully and lmk if I missed something ❤️

'How did this happen again?' You ask yourself as you accept another kiss from the man you knew as your stepfather. It feels so wrong, until you remember how your own mother is a cheating gold digger herself. Virtually your whole life up until a year ago had been on the move. Your mother would marry rich men who owned whole companies or company branches and either bankrupt them and leave or cause a scandal so they go out of business and leave. Over 19 years you’ve had a total of 10 stepfathers and you've never been really close with any of them.

As far as you know, the most recent one is the only one out of your stepfathers that has more than one source of income. He owns the only pharmacy in town while also working as a doctor. It must be taking longer to burn through it than normal, you thought, since you're still there.

You feel as if you should be grateful that your mother hasn't ruined it yet, because you've grown fond of life in this family. Your little sister Qiqi absolutely adores you as her big sister. Although your not sure if your mother knows about this, but your stepdad, Baizhu, absolutely loves being able to spend his money on you. Whenever you get off work he'll wait outside for you in the car with your favourite music ready to play. He'd drive around town with you for half an hour before going to pick Qiqi up from school. If you saw anything you wanted while driving, he'd tell you to quickly jump out and buy it with his card.

“Sweetie I don't care how much it costs if you want it I'll gladly get it for you.” Is what he'd say if you tried to protest in any way, in the end, you’ve just accepted it as him wanting to spoil you. Baizhu was very different to any of your other stepfathers, for one, he's making an effort to bond with you..... Oh and he's young, well, young compared to the others. At only 35 when they got married, he was 2 years your mother’s junior and 17 years your senior.

The 4 of you lived a fairly drama-free life up until tonight, when Baizhu came back home after dropping sweet Qiqi off at her best friend Yaoyao's house for her very first sleepover. He came in and asked you to come downstairs and sit on the couch, saying he needed to ask you about something important. You promptly closed the game you were playing and put the controller back, coming down to see Baizhu in the kitchen with a bottle of white wine and 2 glasses.

“Oh? What's the special occasion, Dad?” You asked before sitting back down with him.

“It's about your mother, (Y/N).” You froze slightly, wanting to ask him if anything bad happened to her. However, before you could speak, he placed one of the full glasses of wine into your hand.

"Do you know if she cheated on any of your other stepfathers, like any one of them?"

“Well I don't know for certain, but I've got a feeling she cheated on all of them, including my father.” You lifted the glass of wine up to the light and swirled the liquid around before continuing.

“Right when she leaves them, I found that either their companies crumbled, or they declared bankruptcy. Some less than 6 months after their wedding. It's happened way too many times to be a total coincidence.” Looking over at him, you saw a small sigh leave his lips as his eyes met yours. The low light of the lamps on the wall adjacent to him made his golden irises glow. ‘Oh fuck that's really pretty.... h-hold on a god damn second, that's your stepdad your talking about, dumbass!’ You quickly shook the thought out of your head and took a sip of wine to distract yourself.

“Why'd ya ask?”

“I saw your mother with someone and they were talking about how long until they can run off together....” You always had a feeling she had an accomplice her little scheme, but a whole ass lover all these years? Baizhu leaned forward in order to put the wine glass back on the counter and shifted to face you.

“Thank you for telling me this, my darling.” Eh why the lovey dovey language? He seems to be awfully calm for someone who just found out what a horrible person his wife is.

“Dad.... now that you've caught mama, when do you want us out of here by?”

“Hm? Why would I kick you out, darling?” Again with the darling! Is this really how fathers express their affection towards their children?

“I-I just thought since she's cheating on you, you wouldn't want her or her child arou-!” He's laughing? How? You thought he'd be annoyed. And yet here he is, not only not giving a toss about the current situation, he's laughing at it.... Why?

“Do you think I'd leave my cute, sweet little girl all alone without someone that loves her like I do? No no no darling. Besides, this is the best time to show you something that I've been planning this last year.” What could that be? You wondered. Come to think of it, from his plans for Qiqi's birthday party to things he's overheard at work, he's never kept anything a secret from you. He stood up and retrieved a piece of paper from inside a safe in the wall that he hid behind his back so you couldn't see what was written on it. As he sat back down, you managed to catch a small glimpse of the contents of the paper, you saw your signature there and what you can only assume is Baizhu's, both written in black ink next to each other at the bottom of the page.

'Oh! He must be holding the adoption papers we signed after the wedding'. You had another quick glance at the paper again before he folded it up and set it down on the table.... What?? You must be hallucinating because your pretty sure the words 'certificate of marriage' were at the top of the page. Hang on, if that's a marriage certificate, then why did you clearly see your signature next to Baizhu's?

“Did you see it, my darling?” Baizhu's words brought you back into the moment at hand, oh, that and his hand resting on your waist. The small gesture causing a shiver to shoot up your spine. “You’re my real wife. And you have been all this time.”

“How?” The reality of this situation hitting you like a boulder made your voice go hoarse, coming out like a broken cry. How was he able to hide something so big for so long? “How did I not notice it?”

“I'll be honest, I only got close to your mother so I could be with you, my darling. I knew what your mother was when I saw her, now she's the only one in the dark about it.” Baizhu's voice broke through the stifling silence around us. This is so weird, you’ve always thought your stepdad was a nice man, in personality, heart and looks. And you’ve told your friends about how you'd like your future partner to be like him. So should you go along with it?

“B-But what about the wedding night? Didn't you and mama have sex?”

“Nope, she ran off after the ceremony, I spent the night in your room.”

“W-what!? How the fuck did I not feel you?”

“Not when you've taken the deep sleep elixir I put in your food. I’d put it in whenever I knew your mother was going out for the night.”

“Oh, so that's why I hardly remember those nights.”

“Fuck, you're so cute when you don't know what to make of a situation, darling. I wonder what your reaction is going to be when I do this?” With no warning, Baizhu pulled you closer, onto his lap, and kissed your neck. The bold action made you gasp in shock. While you were distracted, he took the opportunity to catch you off guard again and kiss your lips. The kiss was just as he was, gentle and full of passion, yet demanding. Letting you know that although he’s being gentle, he’s still the one in control. He’s holding you so soft and tenderly, it makes this kiss feel like a natural part of life. Like your forgetting you two had a completely different relationship before...

That's how it came to you and your stepd- no, your husband making out in the open space of the living room. :)

'This isn't wrong. He's my husband.' You told yourself as you kissed him back. The grip his hands have on the flesh of your hips was so soft, as if he couldn't bare the thought of hurting you. Which, in a way, was true. He couldn’t bare the thought of being the reason you were in pain. As the kiss deepened, he felt more comfortable in exploring your body. His hands gently glide up your body before setting on your chest. His hands circle your body to where the dress zipper and bra clasp were.

As his arms pulled you closer, his fingers grazed the bit of exposed skin, making you shiver at the contact. Pulling away from your lips, Baizhu looked at you with love filled eyes and ran his finger over the neckline of your dress before hooking a finger on it and tugging at the fabric.

“My darling, can I?” He asked, rather breathless from the deep kiss. You could only nod in response until you find your voice. That was another way that Baizhu shows he cares, he was patient when you couldn’t get your words out. It was a thing you had struggled with for most of your life. And although it was a small gesture, it was something that mama never bothered to get right.

“Y-Yes daddy~” You managed to whisper a response, your head already felt dizzy and the neck kisses didn't help. Hearing daddy leave your mouth must’ve awakened something primal in him. With a newfound spark of lust in his eyes and a tightened grasp on you, his teeth grazed the skin of your shoulders. You reached behind your back to start unzipping your dress, only for your wrists to be pulled away and held back in one of his hands, while the other pulled the zip down slowly.

“Shhh~ darling, let daddy take care of you now.” An uncomfortable thought came into your head; ‘what if mama came back without warning to see her daughter, clothes slipping off, on her ‘stepdad’s’ lap making out with him?’ But don’t worry, Baizhu has a plan to deal with her if she comes back early. There’s no chance he’d allow this perfect moment to slip through his fingers again. After he pulled the zipper went all the way down, Baizhu started to gently draw circles on your newly exposed skin. The heat building up between your legs was getting frustrating, so you started to rub your clit on Baizhu's thigh to relieve yourself. Until he noticed and gently held your hips in place.

“Darling, I thought you’d let me take over tonight.. you know what happens to bad little girls that don't obey their daddies, don't you, darling?” Baizhu whispered, gently kissing the shell of your ear before continuing, “They. get. punished.” Taping your shoulder blade with each word. Each tap of his finger sent electrifying waves of pleasure down your whole body. You can’t help but lean into his touch, drunk on how quickly you crumbled under his teasing. One thing was for certain, however, the pleasure you felt was unreplicable.

“M'sorry daddy.. don’t punish me, I-I’ll b’good, please..!” You plead, hoping he’d be merciful on you. Since nobody can blame you for being needy. After a few minutes of drawing circles on your back, your dress and bra went flying off you, yelping when the cool air collided with your breasts. Smirking, Baizhu gave your hips a squeeze as his lips left a trail of kisses from your jawline down your chest, before latching onto the hardening nipple. Swirling around it with his tongue, he copied the motion on the other with his fingers, tugging whenever he sucked. All night, Baizhu had been focusing on giving pleasure to your most sensitive spots, like he already had a mental map of where he should focus on.

While your attention was taken up by the stimulation to your breasts, Baizhu let his free hand snake down, across your tummy to settle between your legs. One touch of his slender fingers to your puffy folds sent you jolting forward into his neck with a moan. Thing is, that one touch was only light, nothing much to most people. But to you? Mind-numbing. Actually, you don’t think you’ve ever been this sensitive to anything before.... it’s like your sensitivity to touch became enhanced. Could Baizhu have given you something to do this?

“You like that, don't you, darling? Good girl. Tell me, who’s making you feel this good?”

“Y-You daddy, s’you makin me feel good”

“Good. Fucking. Girl.” With every word, he swiped the pad of his thumb against the nub of your clit. Your hips subconsciously bucked into his hand with newfound lust. Like your body was chasing after his touch after he retracted his thumb. Baizhu's fingers ghosted over the outline of your clit, prodding at your hole. Easing the tip of his index finger inside while holding you steady. When your body relaxed, letting him know you were comfortable with him inside, Baizhu pushed you to the couch so you were laying on your back with him on top. The hand that’d been holding you steady now moved from your lower back to hold your cheek softly, catching any tears that fell over your eyes.

“Fuuck, you're clamping on me so tight.. I’ve barely even started with you, never thought a little foreplay would be all it takes to get you begging for me so soon, darling.” Don’t mind him though, he’s just being all mean and teasing you! He began slowly moving his finger in and out, slightly curving it to graze your soft inner walls. He added a second finger gently, stretching them apart in a scissor motion and continuing to touch places you couldn't dream of being able to touch on your own.

“Fuuck~ ur fingers~ s'deep!” It almost felt uncomfortable, keyword almost. The tender kisses Baizhu left along your body made any kind of discomfort you felt fade away. That is until a strange feeling came creeping into the pit of your stomach. A twisting and churning sensation like a knot threatening to make your insides explode.

“Ha~~! A-Ahh! D-Daddy, feels weird..!”

“Oh? A weird feeling, you say? That's your orgasm building up, darling.” His thumb quickly swiped against the sensitive nub of your clit, “Now be a good little girl and cum for me...” Your eyes peeped open at his words, only for stars to invade your vision as the knot came undone over his fingers and the couch. Your fucked out expression caused Baizhu to smirk in satisfaction, taking pride in being the only person to ever make you orgasm; other than yourself, of course.

“Good girl... ” Baizhu glanced down to where you both connected, taking note of how his wrist was now slightly wet... Did you squirt over him? Or was it sweat? This encounter certainly left you catching your breath.. Your body twitched sporadically as your walls finally began to relax around his fingers, and you sighed in satisfaction. Feeling you come down from your high, Baizhu gently pulled his fingers out, awestruck at your essence which was now dripping down his digits.

“Daddy... love you” You reached your hands out and Baizhu took them in his own, helping your sit up and kissing your knuckles softly.

“Love you too, darling. Cuddles?” He asked, holding his arms out so you could come to him if you wanted. You practically jumped up and slid into his lap, burying your flushed face into his shoulder. ‘Oh, you’re the type to get all cute and cuddly after sexual encounters...’ Baizhu thought, but that’s fine, he’d give all the cuddles you could ever need if you asked. You feel him gently smile on the top of your head alongside wrapping his arms around your middle.

Of course, with all that Baizhu’s done for you tonight, you couldn’t just ignore how hard this encounter made him. His dick throbbed against the cloth holding it back, simply begging for him to do something to relieve it.

“Daddy, lemme help, wanna help it..” You attempted to slip off his lap to kneel between his legs, fully prepared to help him. But he tightens his hold on your body, preventing you from moving much.

“No darling, y’can help me from here.” Baizhu reassured, moving the fabric that concealed his cock out the way. It bounced back against his abdomen, splashing a little precum over his stomach. Your eyes widened, you’ve seen dicks before, (in sex-ed class), but nothing like this. His dick was much bigger than anything you ’ve seen, and certainly bigger than you think you can take. Noticing your unease, Baizhu gently took your wrist and brought your hand to touch it.

“Lemme do it with you, darling... help me feel good too, yeah?” With one arm still holding you tightly, Baizhu’s other hand joined yours, guiding you in jerking him off. Even under two people’s grips, his dick still twitched and pulsed against your hand. Biting your lip, you lean your head down to press small kisses and kitten licks to his swollen, red tip. You looked up at him, still with his tip nestled snuggly in your mouth, eyes trying to convey what you want; for him to use your mouth like a fleshlight.

At first, poor Baizhu didn’t know what to say; he didn’t want to lose his composure and ram into you so hard that it became more uncomfortable than pleasurable, but the look in your eyes conveyed that you were actually begging him to lose it. He let out a long, shaky breath before moving the hand that had been on his cock to hold your hair out of your face. He didn’t even realise he was holding his breath...

“Tap my thigh twice if it gets too much for you, ok darling?” You nodded and began easing more of him into your mouth. He almost couldn’t think straight with just his tip in your mouth, but seeing you slightly struggle to fit him in drove his size kink mad. Baizhu’s fingers raked through your soft hair before setting at the top of your neck, taking control back from you and moving your head along his shaft.

Muffled whimpers and gags mixed with Baizhu’s groans made it easy to lose oneself in ecstasy, so you never noticed the small commotion happening on the other side of the door; never noticed the amused smile on your lover’s face upon realising the trap he and the millelith set achieved it’s intended outcome. Not that you were meant to know about any of this anyway...

“Sh-! Shit, on your knees, darling” You nodded and slid his cock out of your mouth to get into position, obediently for your husband. Baizhu rose from the sofa, guiding his dick back into your mouth as soon as you settled down. This time, he allowed himself the chance to thrust his hips into your mouth, meeting the pace you originally set. His thrusts started slow and deep, becoming more desperate as the pleasure built up.

“god.. m’gonna cum darling” Baizhu’s hold on your hair tightened, pulling at the strands that were wrapped around his slender fingers. He had to lean against the nearest cabinet since his thighs were twitching so much, his legs might’ve given out on him. You have to say, Baizhu’s groans of raw pleasure were a melody you’d never get tired of hearing. Baizhu abruptly pulled out from your mouth, gently taking your hand off from his thigh to place it on his heavy, aching cock.

“Finish it off, darling.. y’did so well, wanna cum on your pretty face..” You nodded and dragged your hand across his dick, feeling the way the large bulging vein running along the underside of his shaft throbbed with need. You leaned a little further up, enough to press your lips against the sensitive skin just underneath his tip. Baizhu’s grip on your hair tightened as his free hand grasped his cock, giving it a few languid pumps.

“Keep still, sweet girl,” He could barely get the words out before the tight coil inside his slender body snapped. Creamy white cum painted your face in spurts and globs, a testament to the adoration that Baizhu had harboured for you for so long.

#omg first original genshin fic on here?#whats gotten into me 😱#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin impact #genshin #genshin baizhu #baizhu x reader #baizhu smut #♡Baizhu♡

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asthronauta · 6 months

Text

NACIDO DE MUGGLES | Sirius Black × Male Reader.

Summary: During the first wizarding war, muggleborns were stalked day and night. Many of them left their homes and never came back. Sirius' boyfriend was one of them. He was a muggleborn.

Warnings: Angst, Partially based on the cannon (Fuck J.K, btw), Drama, Established relationship, I'm a hopeless romantic so Fluff, but like a sad one. You know, war situation, there is sadness and darkness involved. But also love from two people who care about each other :( <3. Enjoy!

(Also, this may be long). spoiler, it was.

Helloo, this is the first time I'm posting one of my fanfics so I'm kind of nervous. Mainly because English is not my first language and I'll probably make a lot of mistakes when writing. Feel free to tell me if you see any.

It was winter of 1979. It was a cold and dark winter for the wizarding world, who lived terrified under the shadow of disappearances and threats from Voldemort and his followers. The war, which had already started several years ago, was more present and active than ever. Every day a new missing person appeared on the cover of The Daily Prophet. Every day the ministry made new excuses to give people a false sense of hope. Every day Sirius found it more difficult to sleep with the uncertainty of not knowing what was happening in his boyfriend's life.

Sirius and his boyfriend hadn't seen each other in a long time. They went from seeing each other every day at Hogwarts to seeing each other from time to time. It was almost a month since Sirius had last seen [Y/N]. And he worried more every day. [Y/N] hadn't sent him any letters in a while now. Sirius literally had no idea what was going on in his life. And it didn't help that there were more muggleborns missing every day. [Y/N] was one of them, he was also a muggleborn. It was torture for Sirius to read the morning newspaper every day. Thinking that, perhaps, maybe this time his boyfriend would be on the cover of The Daily Prophet, as one of the many missing people that week.

So, on one of those long winter nights when he couldn't sleep, he decided to send him a letter. He knew it was risky. He knew that if [Y/N] had not sent him any letters in all that time it was for a reason. But Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He wanted, he needed to know about [Y/N]. He took a piece of paper and dipped his quill into the ink. He quickly began to slide the quill over the paper, with the delicacy and elegance of a Black. His cursive handwriting was still intact. Sirius was careful not to name [Y/N] or himself. He didn't know what he was dealing with so he decided not to risk it and compromise [Y/N] or himself.

The letter reads:

I hope this letter finds you. I've been worried about you, it's been a long time since you last sent me a letter. If you can read this, please, come to see me. I can't write much here but please, come. I miss you.

Yours truly, your lover for life;

Padfoot.

Sirius sighed, rereading the letter. He didn't care about sounding desperate, the only thing he was thinking about at that moment was letting [Y/N] see how worried he was. He folded the paper and placed it in an envelope, sealing it with a plain stamp. He went to the window, letting his owl out, carrying the letter in his paw. He watched him fly away and disappear into the night sky. Sirius could only hope he would receive an answer soon.

But that didn't happen. It had been a whole week since he sent the letter and he still had not received a response. His owl had returned, without the letter, but also without an answer. At least Sirius knew that [Y/N] had received the letter. So he decided to wait another week. If that week passed and he still did not receive a response he would take more drastic measures. But he didn't want to come to that. So he decided to ignore his concern and be patient. Lucky for him, an owl knocked on his window that week. As soon as he saw her he recognized her. It was [Y/N]'s owl. Unable to hide the smile from his face, Sirius opened the window, letting [Y/N]'s owl in. Gently caressing her head and taking the letter she was carrying with her. Without worrying too much about tearing the paper and with nerves on edge, Sirius opened the letter. Noticing his boyfriend's handwriting on the paper when he unfolded it.

My dear Padfoot.

I've had a difficult week. But luckily, no one has noticed my situation. Even so, acquaintances of mine who are in the same situation as me have received threats. I don't feel safe at all. I have been cautious. I've been watching my steps and who I talk to. I trust my owl to deliver this letter to you and only you. Still, I'm afraid that something could happen to her. Please take care of her and check if she's okay. And please burn this letter after reading it. I can not risk. This letter is very compromising to me.

You know who.

PS. I miss you too. But I can't see you, not right now. I'm sorry. I'll send you a letter when I feel safe enough to meet. I love you.

Sirius' smile faded as he read the letter. An uncomfortable feeling of anxiety filled his chest. He bit his lip, he knew that the situation the muggleborns found themselves in was not easy, but he didn't think (or didn't want to think) that [Y/N] was in such a tense situation. He smiled a little at the 'I love you' at the end.

Fuck, I miss him so much.

He went to the fireplace and threw the letter into the fire. He watched the letter burn for a few seconds and turned to [Y/N]'s owl. “Hey there buddy” He said softly, smiling at the bird. “Did you have a good trip?” He reached out to her and stroked her head. The bird received the petting happily, closing her eyes and letting Sirius stroke her feathers. “Do you think you can deliver one more letter?” The bird looked at Sirius with expectant eyes. “I think that's a yes,” Sirius said and chuckled softly. He took a quill and paper and began to write.

My love,

I miss you and I worry about you. But I understand that you can't come to see me right now. I love you too and I'll wait for you with all the patience in the world. Stay safe, my love.

Yours, Padfoot.

PS. Thank you for answering me, I almost went crazy these days. Now I know everything is alright. Or, well, at least not that bad. I love you.

Sirius smiled softly and put the letter in an envelope. Sealing it the same way he had sealed the previous one. He turned his attention to [Y/N]'s owl and made sure she was okay. He checked under her wings, looking for any wounds or bruises. But he found nothing. The bird was fine. He offered her some water and after a little rest, the owl departed, carrying Sirius' letter in her paw.

•

The initial calm that Sirius felt faded as the days passed. Maybe he was being a little demanding by waiting for another letter from [Y/N], but he couldn't help it. He and [Y/N] didn't usually spend that much time apart and when they did they were able to send each other letters several times a day. His record was 24 letters in one week. Sirius was proud of that. Anyway, despite the constant worry he carried with him, Sirius also had a busy week. He had recently offered his parents' former house to the Order so they could meet there. So he had been busy working alongside them. Still, he hoped to receive a letter from [Y/N] soon.

On a rainy day, while Sirius was answering letters from the Order, an owl knocked on his window. Sirius sighed, it wasn't [Y/N]'s owl, so he just thought it would be another letter to the Order. He got up and let the poor bird in, it was all wet from the rain. He took the letter, and without hoping for anything he opened it. The paper was a little wet and the ink was a little smudged, but Sirius could notice a familiar handwriting. He was surprised, he didn't expect the letter to be from [Y/N]. Still, he was happy. Very happy.

Don't send me any more letters. My owl has returned with her wings burned. Someone tried to attack her. I think they suspect she belongs to a M. I have sent another owl to deliver this letter to you. Don't send me anything anymore, don't respond to this letter. I'm afraid I'm not safe right now. Don't send me anything, I'll send you a letter when I feel safe. Burn this letter too.

The letter wasn't even signed. And the fact that [Y/N] hadn't even dared to write the word 'Muggleborn' sent a chill down his spine. Now his worry had increased threefold. Was [Y/N] in danger…? Sirius gulped. Thinking about that made him too anxious. He quickly threw the letter into the fire, as if he were afraid that someone behind him would see it, even though he was alone in the room. Sirius couldn't help but feel frustrated. He, as well as [Y/N], couldn't do anything about it. They simply had to wish for the best and remain unnoticed. Sirius felt a little of stupid, Why the hell do I work with the Order if all I do is answer letters? But he also understood that things were not so simple. So he just sucked in his frustration. He turned his gaze to the owl and with a slight movement of his wand he dried it completely. Sirius didn't know if owls could catch colds, but at least he did something for the bird. He was wondering where [Y/N] had gotten that owl from. When the storm calmed down the bird left, and Sirius returned to his work of answering letters.

•

After receiving that letter from [Y/N], Sirius decided to do exactly what [Y/N] asked of him. Wait. Wait until [Y/N] decides to send him a letter. But it was difficult to do so when the days passed and he still did not receive any letter from him. But Sirius held back. He knew that if he were to do something stupid, [Y/N]'s life could be in danger. And Sirius couldn't deal with the thought of something happening to [Y/N]. So he just waited. And the days passed, many days passed. The month had already ended and still nothing. Sirius was about to go find [Y/N] himself. Every day he fought the urge to write him a letter or go looking for him, but he had to control himself. He couldn't risk sending him a letter, and he didn't know exactly where [Y/N] was to go looking for him anyway. So his only option was to wait. And Sirius hated waiting, but he did it anyway. Because [Y/N]'s safety was the most important thing to him

But finally, after controlling his impulse to send a letter to him for a long time, an owl came to Sirius' window. At first Sirius didn't think it was a letter from [Y/N]. It wasn't his owl and it wasn't the owl that had given him his letter the last time either. So he simply took the letter as if it were another one addressed to the Order. But he opened it anyway, and to his surprise, it was from [Y/N]. Without being able to hide the big smile on his face, he opened the letter, finding his boyfriend's handwriting on the paper again.

Hello. Forgive me for not writing to you sooner. I would have liked to do it sooner, but I couldn't. It would have been very risky. I'm okay, I have been hiding these last few months. But I'm fine. Since the incident with my owl I have kept a low profile. I was afraid they were chasing me. I feel safer now. And I want us to meet. I miss you. Behind the letter is the address and time of our meeting. I'll wait for you. I love you. You already know what to do with this letter, burn it. And don't send me a reply. See you then.

You know who.

Sirius was so happy that he kissed the letter. The bitter taste of ink seeped into his mouth but he didn't care. He was smiling from ear to ear, not only was [Y/N] okay, but he would also see him after so long. Sirius turned the letter over, finding himself facing a familiar address. It was in Muggle London. He and [Y/N] had been on a few dates there before, so it would be easy to get there. Sirius smiled again. He still couldn't believe that he would finally see [Y/N] again. It seemed like years had passed. Sirius dreamed of kissing his boyfriend's lips again. He kissed the letter once more and threw it into the fire. In a few days he would see [Y/N] again.

Sirius was finally able to sleep peacefully that night.

•

Sirius wishes he had brought a scarf. The wind was strong and freezing in the streets of Muggle London. Sirius was trying to hide his nose in the collar of his jacket. With his hands in his pockets. Trying to rescue some heat from the cold material of his leather jacket. It wasn't the best clothing option. He knew it now. But he couldn't help it, he was a braggart and wanted to look good for his boyfriend. Even if it meant dying of hypothermia.

When he arrived at the meeting point [Y/N] had not yet arrived, so he stayed there. They hadn't agreed on any particular place, so he sat in one of the chairs in the park. Sirius assumed it would be a brief encounter so he decided to enjoy his boyfriend as much as possible. Because surely he wouldn't see him again for a long time after that. Sirius would have liked to have a nice dinner that ended in a hotel room. But it wasn't the best time for that. So he settled for at least kissing him.

Sirius undid his ponytail, trying to cover his neck from the cold winter wind. He leaned back in the seat, his long black hair moved with the wind. Sirius closed his eyes and took a moment to think. Everything that had been happening lately in the wizarding world was crazy. The war had brought sadness and fear to people. Things were no longer the same. Sirius couldn't remember the last time he had laughed out loud with his friends. He couldn't remember the last time he had a butterbeer. For god's sake, he couldn't even remember the last time he had sex with his boyfriend. The war had made his life, and the lives of everyone, sad and boring. This is the world Death Eaters want to live in...? He couldn't help but wonder.

“Sirius?” Before Sirius could continue to mope himself down, he heard his boyfriend's voice calling his name. A smile automatically appeared on his face and he stood up from his seat, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

“[Y/N]!” He said, smiling “Damnit, I've missed you so much” he chuckled softly, holding [Y/N] close to his chest. Not wanting to let go. [Y/N] hugged him back with the same intensity. After a few seconds Sirius pulled away and took his boyfriend's cheeks in his hands, kissing him. Sirius had been looking forward to doing that for almost two months now. He couldn't put it off one more second. [Y/N] received the kiss happily, returning it as he wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist. Tasting Sirius' lips on his. Perceiving a slight strawberry flavor. He couldn't help but smile a little, Sirius had put on some gloss for him.

Sirius would have continued kissing him for the rest of the day, but they couldn't talk and kiss at the same time, so he pulled away. With a silly smile on his face. He looked like a teenager in love. His cheeks had a slight blush.

“It's been a long time since I last saw you” [Y/N] spoke first, taking Sirius' hand in his.

“Too long,” Sirius said, still with that goofy smile on his face. It seemed like they were back to the beginning of their relationship. “How have you been, love?” Sirius spoke again, this time with a more serious and concerned tone in his voice.

[Y/N] sighed “I've been… fine. I can't complain. Luckily no one has laid eyes on me” he said. Sirius cupped one of his cheeks in his hand, a worried expression on his face.

“You must be terrified… have you been in any major danger recently? I mean, have they been targeting muggleborns?” Sirius felt a little dumb for asking that question, but he had to. He wanted to have full knowledge of everything.

[Y/N] nodded “Yes, love… They have been very active. Every day I get news of missing people” Sirius could feel [Y/N]'s anxiety through his grip, he caressed his hand to reassure him.

“You have to take all the precautions you can, my love… you must be safe” Sirius said tenderly.

“I know, I know… I'm being careful. Since they tried to attack my owl I haven't sent any letters... I've also been moving places every two weeks, I have some muggle friends who have been supporting me. I think I'm doing well” Sirius can't help but smile at that. [Y/N] was being very careful and responsible with his safety and that made him happy.

“I'm so proud of how careful you have been, love” He pressed his hand, intertwined with [Y/N]'s, on his chest. “I'm glad you have people supporting you... Are they trustworthy, love?” Sirius asked softly, [Y/N] nodded.

“Yes, yes they are. They are muggle friends, and some wizards. They have been a great help. I fully trust them” Sirius nodded.

“Good, good..” They both look into each other's eyes for a moment. [Y/N] had a dismayed look. Sirius couldn't help but feel sorry for him. “It's okay, my love” Sirius said softly, trying to comfort him. He leaned down and placed a small, soft kiss on his forehead. [Y/N] sighed.

“It's been a hard month for me, Sirius… I'm exhausted. Every day is an uncertainty.” Sirius took notice of his boyfriend's appearance, noticing the dark circles under his eyes. Sirius felt a small pain in his chest. It hurt him that his boyfriend had to go through all that.

“I know, my love, I know…” One of Sirius' hands went up to [Y/N]'s cheek, caressing it with his thumb. “But we have to keep being strong, you're doing very well. I'm so proud of you” He smiled softly at him. But worry remained in his soft blue-gray eyes. [Y/N] returned a weak smile and nodded gently. There was a small silence between them until [Y/N] spoke again. “I've heard rumors that Dumbledore is building an army… Do you know anything about that, love? Are you involved?” He asked curiously.

Sirius was a little taken aback when he heard the question. It was supposed to be a secret, how had it leaked so quickly? Anyway, he smiled nervously at [Y/N]. As if he had been caught in the middle of a prank. “Well, you know Dumbledore, he has always liked my rebellious nature” He said and chuckled nervously. [Y/N] chuckled along with him. Sirius was adorable. “Yes, my love, I'm involved” He said in a more serious tone this time. But his smile remained on his face. “I wanted to fight to protect you and others like you.. As long as I can fight for the things I believe in, I'll be there... So, yes, I am involved.”

[Y/N]'s lips curved into a smile, his eyes full of love for the man in front of him. He took both of Sirius' hands “Thank you, love… for fighting for me.”

Sirius held [Y/N]'s gaze, seeing the love in his eyes as he looked at him, he couldn't help but blush and smile nervously.

“No need to thank me, my love” He said, the soft red on his cheeks making him look even cuter under the snow. “I'll always be here to protect you and fight for what's right.. I do it because I love you, [Y/N]. You're my love and I can't imagine a life without you.” [Y/N]'s smile grew even bigger (if that was possible) at those words. He brought Sirius' hands to his lips, kissing them.

“I love you so much, Sirius… thank you, my love… you're wonderful.”

Sirius smiled and shook his head, looking at the ground. Blushing even more. “I'm far from wonderful, my love. But you know this better than anyone.” He looked [Y/N] in the eyes. Sirius was sure that the man in front of him was the love of his life. A warm feeling flooded his chest and he couldn't help but say: “I love you. I love you very, very much. I'm just grateful that this war allowed me to realize how much you mean to me. And I don't regret this decision. I was meant to fight for you and protect you and I would do it a thousand times again.”

[Y/N] stared at him, speechless. Suddenly, all the emotions he had been repressing that month came to the surface. And without making a sound, tears begin to fall from his eyes. “...Thanks” That's all he managed to say.

“Sweetheart…” Sirius said, somewhat surprised by the reaction and quickly wrapped [Y/N] in his arms. Letting him cry on him. [Y/N] quickly followed suit, hugging him tightly, crying quietly into his shoulder.

“I'm sorry” He muttered “It's just that… I'm scared, Sirius” He confessed in a weak voice. “Every day they torture people... I'm afraid that... The next person to disappear will be me.” He clinged to Sirius, trying, somehow, to feel him as close as possible. Seeking safety in his arms.

Sirius felt his heart break as he listened to his boyfriend cry. He had never seen him cry like that before. It was a part of [Y/N] that he didn't know. The vulnerability of him. Or at least not to that level. [Y/N] sounded completely sad, and Sirius felt weak from his crying. He hugged him tightly, trying to think of what to say or do to comfort him. But [Y/N]'s sadness was contagious and a feeling of anxiety began to invade Sirius too.

The fear of losing him overcame him. Still, he tried to maintain his composure. “Don't... don't say that, my love. The next one to disappear” He stuttered nervously “The next one to disappear will not be you. I won't let it happen. Not to me, not to you. Okay? You'll be safe... I promise.” He said and placed a kiss on his hairline.

[Y/N] pulled away. A little embarrassed for having started crying out of nowhere. He was just overwhelmed. He quickly wiped the tears from his cheeks and tried to catch his breath. “Okay…” He nodded “...I'm fine” He was trying to convince Sirius by saying that, but he didn't seem to succeed. Sirius still had that worried look on his face. “It's just… it's hard to keep hope... Every day Vold… He becomes more powerful... Every day more people join him, every day more people like me disappear... It terrifies me to think that the worst is yet to come... What will I do if... If he wins? If he takes control?... I don't want to think about it.” Sirius held him close, feeling the same fear and anxiety. Sirius tried to reassure him but it was difficult when he also felt the same uncertainty.

“I know it's hard, love, but let's try to stay positive, okay? It's the best we can do” Sirius said softly. His arms were still around [Y/N]'s body, as if he didn't want to let go completely. His hands gently caressed him, trying to make him feel better.

[Y/N] nodded softly. “Yeah, I guess I can only hope for the best… I hope what you're working on turns out, love, I trust you” [Y/N] looked up, looking Sirius in the eyes and giving him a small smile “I'm hopeful” He added. Sirius smiled along with him. Knowing that his boyfriend had so much trust in him filled Sirius with a warm feeling that only [Y/N] could give him.

“I won't let you down [Y/N], I'll always fight for you, for the future we could have together, and I think... no, I know we're going to succeed… All this will pass, love, I promise” Sirius smiled softly. His eyes were full of tenderness. Sirius loved [Y/N] like he had never loved anyone. And he knew he would do anything for the man in front of him.

[Y/N] smiled, he couldn't help but feel calm. Sirius had always had that effect on him. He just made him feel safe. And [Y/N] loved that, he loved Sirius. He loved how Sirius made him feel. “I'm glad there are still people who support us... I'm glad there are wizards... pureblood wizards, who support us.” Sirius took his hand and squeezed it. Trying to say non-verbally that he supported him unconditionally. After all, he knew that [Y/N] meant him as 'pureblood wizards'.

“Of course I support you, love, I'm doing this for you, for you and others like you… This is a noble cause, I know that if we all unite against Voldemort we can stop him” Sirius looked at his boyfriend, trying to see his reaction. Hoping that his words had brought him some comfort. But that didn't seem to be the case, [Y/N] had an expression of surprise and fear on his face. “...Love?” Sirius asked, confused. [Y/N]'s reaction was out of character. He didn't understand if maybe he had said something wrong.

“...don't say his name” [Y/N] said almost in a whisper, as if he was afraid of being heard. Sirius was stunned. He had forgotten it, he had forgotten the taboo of the name. Suddenly Sirius started to feel embarrassed, like he had screwed up.

“I'm.. I'm sorry, love” He quickly apologized “I didn't do it on purpose, really, forgive me.”

[Y/N] shook his head softly “No, love, it's okay, I know you didn't do it on purpose” He smiled slightly, embarrassed. “I know it's a stupid thing... the taboo... But, you know, I can't risk it.” He said, looking for some understanding. [Y/N] knew that, although he loved Sirius with all his being, Sirius was a pureblood wizard, and he had never experienced the discrimination that he had. And much less the persecution he had been experiencing in the recent months. [Y/N] was feeling a little stupid and paranoid. He thought he knew better than to fear the stupid name. But, to his surprise, he found himself afraid to even hear it from someone else. The fear was too real, the missing people were too many. [Y/N] couldn't help but feel afraid.

Sirius shook his head “It isn't stupid, love… And I get it, right now everything is... chaotic, so it's best to take all possible precautions.” Sirius looked at his boyfriend “Your life is important, [Y/N], don't be ashamed to look after it as if it were a treasure” Sirius said and smiled softly at his boyfriend. Every word Sirius said came from the depths of his heart and affection. Sirius loved [Y/N], like he had never loved anyone or anything before. He would do anything to keep the boy he had fallen in love with safe. But he couldn't do it, at least not directly. So [Y/N]'s safety depended entirely on [Y/N] himself.

[Y/N] smiled “God, what have I done to deserve you?” [Y/N] said and Sirius chuckled a little embarrassed. Sirius could be a shameless flirt but when it came to [Y/N] he was a teddy bear. And Sirius liked that. [Y/N] knew a part of him that not everyone knew. Sirius had learned to pretend to be braver than he was (or he thought he was) in life. And that had made him hide his vulnerability behind a cocky smile. But with [Y/N]... with [Y/N] he could be everything he couldn't be with anyone else.

“You make me very happy, [Y/N]” He couldn't help but confess “You just… you make me very happy." He repeated, not knowing what else to say. The words seemed too simple to convey all the complex feelings he felt inside. But for now he'd settle for that.

[Y/N] smiled tenderly and hugged him. Sirius hugged him back, wrapping his arms around his lover's body and hiding his nose between his shoulder and neck. Sirius loved him, Sirius loved him so much. He felt the heat of [Y/N]'s body on his. He felt his lover's arms surrounding him. He felt [Y/N]'s heartbeat against his body and he felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with [Y/N], overwhelmed with love. In the most beautiful and painful way possible. Sirius was sad. How could he not be? Fear had become a part of his life since the war had started. Sirius was afraid of losing him, of losing the love of his life. Of losing [Y/N]. The fear followed him everywhere. At every moment. It was a nightmare. A very realistic nightmare that left Sirius unwilling to sleep. [Y/N] hugged him tightly, needing to feel Sirius against him, to feel his body against his. To make sure that he was there, with him, and that he was safe in his arms.

[Y/N] felt a small pang in his heart when he felt Sirius begin to cry against his shoulder. He held him in his arms, letting Sirius hold him in his. Sirius didn't usually cry, or at least he didn't usually show it. But at that moment they were both afraid, and the only thing they had was each other. War brought out the worst in people. War takes everything that mades people live and puts it on a tightrope, torturing them with the uncertainty that, perhaps, all of that would disappear forever. That's what Sirius felt. Maybe his life wasn't as in danger as [Y/N]'s, since he was a pureblood, but [Y/N] was like the air in his lungs. If he wasn't there Sirius was incomplete. Empty. Sirius had become so used to the happiness [Y/N] gave him that it had become his everything. And without it he was nothing. Sirius didn't want that, Sirius didn't want to be empty. Sirius hated sadness, he hated loneliness. He was afraid of loneliness. Sirius would rather die a thousand times than live a single life without [Y/N].

“Sirius…” [Y/N] spoke softly, with sadness in his voice. He desperately wanted to comfort Sirius but he didn't know what to say. “Sirius don't–”

“I don't want you to leave.”

[Y/N] felt warmth and pain in his chest at the same time. He wanted to stay with Sirius, he would do anything to stay with Sirius. But he couldn't. It would be an unnecessary risk. An unnecessary risk for Sirius. [Y/N] was not only in danger, he was also a danger to others. The muggleborn hunting was not limited to just muggleborns. Those people who hid and sheltered muggleborns were also persecuted. And [Y/N] would never forgive himself if something happened to Sirius because of him. Because the only thing that was more important than his own safety was Sirius' safety. It breaks [Y/N]'s heart to have to reject his boyfriend in that state, but he had to do it.

“Sirius, you know I can't–”

“No, listen to me” Of course, [Y/N] was naïve if he thought Sirius was going to give up so easily. “Listen... if you stay with me at the Order base... they can protect you, the Order can keep you safe, I can keep you safe, you can stay there with me” Sirius said almost desperately.

“Sirius no.”

“[Y/N] please.”

“No Sirius, it's unnecessary…” He said softly, trying to make Sirius understand “I'm fine by myself, I don't need to be a burden to what you are working on… And besides, it's not safe for you either.”

“No, [Y/N], you don't…” He sighed, he had to let it out. The words were stuck in his throat “Listen, I... I can't lose you, okay? I can't lose you, I can't… I won't” He trembled at the uncertainty. “A-And I can't stay here doing nothing, not knowing where you are or not even knowing if you're still alive… I can't, okay? I can't live like that, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't do anything… Just let me protect you, [Y/N], please” [Y/N] looked at him for a moment, then shook his head without saying anything. Sirius sighed in frustration. “Oh for god's sake [Y/N], just let me do this for you.” He said irritated “Damnit, can't you see I'm doing this for you? Don't you see I don't want you to die? What?, you have a death wish or something?” Sirius couldn't help but be a little harsh, he was frustrated.

“Sirius…” [Y/N] looked at him sadly, he didn't want to do this. Sirius was too stubborn for his own good. Things were already difficult and painful enough, why did he have to make it even more difficult? “Just stop it.”

“God [Y/N] please” He said almost like a plea, he didn't know what else to do or say to convince him. “Don't do this to me, not now” Sirius sounded hurt, he looked like a little boy crying.

“...I'm sorry” [Y/N] said and Sirius sighed in defeat. “I'm going to be okay, love, really.” He said, trying to comfort him, “I've taken care of myself all this time and I'll continue to do so… I'll be fine Sirius.” Sirius looked at him. He knew that if there was a person in the world more stubborn than him, that person was [Y/N]. He had already given his last word, and Sirius knew it was impossible to change his mind. He sighed.

“...you promise?”

“I promise.”

[Y/N] said and Sirius nodded softly. A part of him wanted to keep fighting and not give up, but he knew it was in vain. He hugged [Y/N] again, this time more gently. He was saying goodbye.

“...When can I see you again?”

“I'm not sure, love.”

Sirius sighed “Will you at least send me letters?”

“I'll try.”

Sirius nodded although none of [Y/N]'s answers comforted him. “...take care of yourself... God, please take care of yourself.”

“I will, Sirius.” He gently caressed his back.

Sirius continued to hold him for a few more minutes and then let him go. Sirius was defeated and sad, his blue-gray eyes still had traces of tears in them. “You have to go now?” He asked quietly. A part of him still hoped that [Y/N] will change his mind. But [Y/N] just nodded.

“Yes, I have to go,” He said softly. Sirius didn't say anything, just accepting it.

“...will you give me one last kiss?”

[Y/N] smiled “Of course my love.”

[Y/N] kissed him like they had done thousands of times before. But this time it felt different. Sirius kissed him as if it were the last time, and [Y/N] noticed. But he didn't say anything. He let Sirius kiss him because in the back of his mind he also feared that it might be the last time. Sirius' kisses were always amazing. He and Sirius had the ability to speak to each other without words, and kissing was one of those ways. [Y/N] surrendered himself completely to Sirius' lips and Sirius cherished every part of him almost possessively. They both gave themselves to each other completely. And for a moment the war took a backseat. Lost in their world, lost in the other

“...be careful, [Y/N]” he whispered against his lips.

“I will,” He whispered back.

Okay, this ended up being way longer than I had planned. I'll leave it here for now. I will do a second part, even a third if necessary. But I hope I can finish it in less than three parts. I hope you enjoyed it!

#sirius black x male reader #sirius black x male!reader #sirius black x reader #sirius black #marauders x male reader #marauders x reader #harry potter x male reader #hp x male reader #x male reader #x male!reader #male reader #male!reader #male reader insert

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romanstheory · 6 months

Text

Better A Randy Orton One Shot

Warnings : Heavy Smut, Choking, Spit, Heavy Language, ADULT age gap, Toxic relationship, Edging, Oral (Female receiving)

Word Count: 1,183

18 +

"We're not together remember" I say tossing Randy's bag back at him "We're not together so take your shit and don't come back". I caught him texting other women for the fourth time. One second he's treating me like I'm his and the next second he's hoeing around seemingly trying to get a rise out of me by flirting with the next bitch. "You're right, we're not" Randy snickers, catching his bag effortlessly. He's such an asshole, the kind of guy you want to punch and then fuck right after. He's 16 years older than me, but it seems like he's my age sometimes.... But he's so god damn magnetic. It's almost like his toxic ways keep me coming back. My friends and family hate him, and his feels the same about me.

Our..... Situationship has been full of drama and rough sex. "See you next week" He says with a wink. He leaves without a fight and drives away. I sigh deeply knowing I'm going to have to see him at work. week passes quickly. I walk through the nearly empty halls of the arena, glancing to my right seeing Randy flirting with another girl, I've never seen her before. He looks up at me, bites his lip and winks. I roll my eyes, spotting Jey Uso. I shoot Randy a sharp look and stop walking in front of Jey. "You look really good tonight" I say scanning him up and down licking my bottom lip slowly.

"Oh uh, thank you!" Jey says sporting a wide smile. "Maybe we should link up later" I reply rubbing his tattooed arm. Jey agrees and heads on his way. I could see Randy filling with rage. I look back at him and wink and walk away. The night continues and ends, I've managed to avoid Randy all night despite hearing whispers that he's looking for me. I get back to my hotel room to shower and relax for the rest of the night when I'm startled by someone pounding on my door. I jump up and open it, ready to curse whoever is on the other side of it out. Randy pushes into the room aggressively. "What the fuck was that?" He barks. "Karma" I bark back knowing exactly what he was talking about.

His eyes go dark and his jaw clenches just like it always did in these situations. I cross my arm, leaning all of my weight on one hip. My thin tank top strap slides down my soft brown arm, catching his attention. "What the fuck do you mean Karma?" Randy barks again, remembering he's supposed to be angry with me. "If you can do it so can I" I snicker brushing passed him to sit on the bed. "Did you have sex with him?" Randy asks slowly walking towards me. "If I did?" I tease. "Did you have sex with him?" He repeats himself, this time with a demonic growl in his voice, now standing directly in front of me. He roughly grabs a handful of my soft curly hair, forcing me to look him in his eye. My face leaning on his bulge. "Be a good girl and tell me and maybe I'll go easy on you" He says staring into my eye, his still dark and cloudy.

"I guess you'll never know" I say laughing at his anger. He pulls my hair tighter "Maybe I'll just fuck you better" He says bending down, whispering in my ear. "Good luck" I whisper back. Randy smirks, grabbing my neck and planting a long kiss on my lips. I begin massaging his growing bulge through his pants. He breaks the kiss to slide my shorts off. He pushes me down onto the bed, sliding us both up. He spreads my legs and teases my clit with his tongue. His eyes lock on mine as I already begin to squirm. Back and fourth, around and around his tongue softly circles. He loves slow, making sure I squirm more and move with every movement. I put my hand on his head preparing to reach my climax quickly when he abruptly stops.

"What the hell" I say. "Not until I say so" He says licking his lips. He unbuckles his pants, completely undressing afterward, I do the same thing. He sits on his knees, eyes scanning my body slowly. I can feel my vagina pulsating, waiting for him.... For his touch. He gets between my legs, leaning over me, grabbing my wrists and pinning them to the bed before pressing his entire length into my throbbing vagina. He begins stroking, long, hard, fast, deep. Screams of pleasure begin to escape my lips, I try to muffle them. "LET IT OUT" Randy barks, he loves hearing me scream his name. I open my house and stick my tongue out. He grabs my neck and spits in my mouth before connecting his lips with mine again. his tongue battled mine while he pushed his length into me further and futher

I feel a warmth build up inside of me again, this time more intense. "Fuck! Ohhh fuck Randy! I- oooohhh" I struggle to get my words out as this warmth builds and builds. He swirls his thumb around my throbbing clit, intensifying everything all at once. Just as I begin to reach the tip of climax he stops and pulls out. It's almost like torture not only for me but also for him. He was sweaty, his rock hard member was throbbing, begging for release just like I was. "You're so fucking sexy" Randy says, his hands explore my body, I could tell he wanted to rip me apart, fuck my brains out ten times over. He put my nipple in his mouth, sucking and softly biting while massaging my clit once again. The feeling in euphoric, I never wanted it to stop. I grab his throbbing member, stroking it slowly. I can hear his soft moans and feel his labored breathing.

I push him off of me and get on all fours, shaking my ass in the air. "Fuck me like this" I say looking back at him. Randy could never resist my ass, it was his favorite thing about me. He wasted no time getting behind me and pushing his entire length inside of me once again. We both sigh loudly with relief. Randy groans loudly while he slams himself into me over and over again. The room filled with claps like thunder and loud screams from me. "Randy! Fuck me Randy!" I scream. "Cum all over this dick!" Randy screams. He slams himself into me roughly over and over again, slapping my ass in between strokes. I scream loudly as I finally reach my climax more intensely than I ever have before. My body begins shaking with pleasure as I collapse on the bed. Randy quickly pulls out of me, stroking his dick until his warm juice comes rushing out "Oh fuckk oh fuck" Randy groans loudly. Randy collapses on the bed next to me. "I fucked you better" He says out of breath

#wwe #wwe smut #wwe fic #randy orton #randy orton one shot #randy orton x female reader #wwe x female reader

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dinadumas · 7 months

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Hiiii~

Dear novels lovers, I sincerely want to recommend you one of the best works I've read. So if at the moment you are in search of something interesting don't pass by!

This novel actually has a manhwa with the same title, so if you're not interested in the novel you can find and read the manhwa! It does not have any plot discrepancies from the original.

"Turning" by Kuyu (쿠유).

It's a novel in the bl, fantasy, and omegaverse genre.

Wait wait. Those who now thought that the omegaverse is not interesting or poorly written, you are sorely mistaken! The novel itself doesn't pay that much attention to this genre, so you won't feel any discomfort while reading it! I even forgot about this genre at times. (Although most of the hot scenes are related to it, but you'll be satisfied, I promise.)

There are approximately 970 chapters in the original, and 305 are available in English (free).

If you are already a bit interested, please read the description first~

Yuder was a commoner Omega who rose to the top with his ability.

When he woke up again after being falsely accused and executed, he was back 11 years ago before everything began.

He must not repeat the same mistake he did before.

A chance to get back……

To survive, and to save the world, now he had to save the man he had killed!

Are you more interested? Jesus, I love you already. Keep going!

If you want to hear the opinion of someone who has already read all the chapters available in English, @armed-teddy-bear answered some questions especially for you!

Q : Dear reader, please tell us what you liked most about the novel "Turning" by Kuyu?

Teddy : It’s hard to pinpoint a single part of it, since all of it is perfect in my eyes. The characters are well-written and never act like walking tropes with no common sense, the worldbuilding is one of the best I’ve ever seen, the intrigues are taking and all well-linked together to form an enduring mystery and drama that, as of 300 chapters, is still just as interesting…

If I really had to pick, I would say the relationship between the two protagonists is honestly a high point. Heavily influenced by the past only Yuder can remember, it still manages to progress naturally while never having a boring moment. Every scene where the two of them interacted became one of my favorites.

In short, I would say: If you think you’ve read a novel like this before, no you haven’t. In my opinion, this novel is the best you could achieve in the genre of rebirth/time travel.

Q : Do you think the omegaverse genre is ruining the novel?

Teddy : It’s not a problem to me at all. But there are a lot of people who are uncomfortable with it. I don’t understand why exactly, but it’s like that.

On the contrary, I think the way Turning handles it makes it even more interesting. It hasn’t played too much into the story that far, so it could even be ignored by people who don’t like it, but I think it adds to the story quite a bit by adding more worldbuilding to the “awakeners” characters and the powers of this world.

The reason given for why it happened in universe is also good in my opinion. 👍

So it’s a complete OK for me!

Q : Can you highlight any flaws in the novel?

Teddy : I became the number one fan overnight. In my eyes, Turning can do nothing wrong.

But if I try to see it from someone else’s eyes… Maybe the length would be too long for someone else. You have to wait 200 chapters for the main couple to kiss for the first time, and at times you see characters and situations being set up.. and then you don’t see them begin to unfold for another 50 chapters!

There’s also a very, very large cast of characters, some of them named only to never properly appear… although that can also be seen as a quality! The novel feels very realistic and profound thanks to this, as allies and antagonists fade in and out of the storyline in accordance to the plot, never overstaying their welcome or standing uselessly in the background of a scene.

The supporting cast is also characterized and explored, even if they don’t stay for long, meaning that every character is inherently interesting. It’s thanks to this length in chapters and depth in characters that the novel gains in worldbuilding and intrigue with each new chapter.

Q : Please tell potential readers why they should not pass by this novel?

Teddy : Not reading Turning means passing by a novel that can and will satisfy anyone!

If you don’t like romance, then you’ll find your happiness in the worldbuilding, magic systems, and political plots.

And if you don’t like worldbuilding, magic systems, and political plots… well, think again! I thought I didn’t like those either before, but reading Turning, I found myself on the edge of my seat with every word. Everything is explained clearly and logically when it comes to intrigue, making it easy to understand and all the more interesting — but that doesn’t mean it’s lacking in emotions either! This novel masterfully meshes both plot and character building, making each moment count.

But most importantly, you’ll miss reading the developing relationship between Yuder and Kishiar, which I think is the biggest appeal of all. I’ve never rooted for a couple more in my life. Despite a past together filled with pain, they still manage to be one of the healthiest and most sincere relationships I’ve read in a long time.

So, to whoever is listening, please read Turning. You definitely won’t regret it.

Wow if you read to the end we really appreciate it! Thank you for your attention.

Please read Turning~

#manhwa #novel #turning novel #turning #yaoi bl #Boys love #bl manhwa #bl novel #터닝 #Teoning #Please read turning #Please

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yaksha-lover · 9 months

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I can't really put it together coherently, but I've been thinking about reincarnation in the vampire AU where you knew one of the guys in a past life and years later they find you again or something abdghsbe

I feel like Malleus would work best for it but I may be biased lol. Or maybe Leona taking a while to figure out why your personality feels so familiar only to realise when, idk, Cater or someone is gushing about the romance of a reincarnation plot in a trendy book/movie lol.

Ahh, yess I love this concept sm

Immortal Vampire!Malleus who’s forced to find his mortal lover every time they get reincarnated.

Sometimes it takes hundreds of years for him to find you again, but he always does. You’ve told him he doesn’t need to wait for you, but he refuses to consider the thought of being with anyone else while he waits to find you again. You don’t have your old memories - not exactly - but even so, you feel a natural pull towards him.

Malleus prefers not to tell you that you were lovers in your past life. No matter what happened in the past, he doesn’t want you to feel stuck with him just because of your history. Inevitably, as fate goes, you fall for him time and time again.

You can’t help but believe him entirely when he tells you about your past together, and you happily wish to spend the rest of your life (and all your future ones) with him.

Immortal Vampire!Leona who’s become increasingly apathetic and bitter ever since his mortal lover’s death.

With you, Leona had finally started to care about something again, to find purpose in his life. All of that disappears once you’re gone, and Leona is angry about it. He’s frustrated with himself for falling in love with a human, he’s angry at the world for making you mortal.

A couple hundred years after your death, a new resident is invited to the mansion. Leona is annoyed by them at first, ignoring their presence entirely. But, just like you had before, this new person doesn’t give up and, despite his best efforts, gets him to start to open up again.

He’s noticed the similarities between you and them, but he believes he’s just projecting until he’s forced to listen to another one of Cater’s rambles about a reincarnation romance drama that he’d just seen. It makes him pause - would it truly be possible that fate had brought you two together again?

Leona doesn’t want to allow himself to believe it’s true, but he can’t help his hopefulness. When he asks for Lilia’s help, he’s able to restore some of your old memories, and Leona silently vows to find you forever; that becomes his new purpose.

#twst x reader #malleus draconia x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #malleus draconia #leona kingscholar #twst vampire au #twst #twisted wonderland

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gothkrislemcheslut · 3 months

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lawlight fic rec list

so i’m gonna do a series of these, starting with my favorite death note ship! make sure to pay attention to all warnings on these fics. enjoy! if you have a ship you’d like me to make a rec list for, please just send me an ask! i don’t want to be obnoxious, and i’m not saying they’re good, but i (slackjawbitch on ao3) have some lawlight fics up!

♡ = a favorite of kitty’s

angst

♡ 1. i’m drowning; please save me: L looks at Yagami Light and drowns. There is no other way to put it. As the days pass and blend into weeks, L looks at Yagami Light sitting next to him, the harsh lines of his face creased and determined, and he swallows water.

L looks at Yagami Light and he cannot breathe.

great characterization, always makes me very emo, and is probably a pretty major influence on my writing. one shot. 1,817 words.

2. always waiting for you just to cut to the bone: And then, breaking through the pounding in his head he hears what would be the last words out of that wretched man’s lips.

“I love you.”

fic for teh death note drama (2016) canon! title is unfortunately from a t*ylor sw*ft song (/silly) but this fic is so good and sad.

3. Our Bodies, Possessed By Light: L. Lawliet is a gifted photographer who believes he has understood the light and its secrets. Light Yagami is a young, unstable and slightly crooked model. Together, they kill time.

modeling and photography au. make sure to read all teh tags and warnings for this one; there’s nothing gross, but some potentially triggering subjects for some people are in here. multi chapter. 81,218 words.

4. Hearts and Spades: Which would you choose? Love or death? RaitoL, slight AU.

short but sweet piece featuring that classic fanfiction dot net era vibe, an emo-ass playing card metaphor (/pos), and a recounting of l’s death scene that made me sad over him all over again (also /pos). and also light being obnoxious, but it’s death note, so that’s usually a given, lol. one shot. 1,801 words.

5. Not Quite Drowning: Sometimes Light ponders happiness. L/Light

a short lawlight and light character study. i like it a lot, and i don’t usually like light, so that should tell you something about how well i think it’s written! one shot. 424 words.

♡ 6. Water, water, water: In the bath, they forget they’re a detective and a suspect; they remove these identities along with their clothes, layer by layer until there are only the handcuffs left. And them; facing the other in the eerie calmness of their bathroom.

At least, it’s how Light sees it.

i really love this one! make sure to read teh tags, as eating disorders and drugs are mentioned, for example. angst with a happy ending! one shot. 3,504 words.

fluff

1. Silver Bells: Silver bells...silver bells...

They’ve made it. Everything is okay now, when they’re dancing in the candlelight.

really, really cute! i recommend it as a palate cleanser to make you feel better after reading a sad one, lol. one shot. 1,255 words.

♡ 2. New Year’s Eve: "I've seen fireworks before," he says. "This is... so much... more."

just a cute little new year’s eve lawlight fireworks show! this one is also from 2009 which is kinda cool to me, haha. i like this author’s descriptive language a lot. one shot. 507 words.

♡ 3. Do Gay Penguins Go to Hell?: Too many New Year snacks bring about a family discussion between L, Raito and their daughter about healthy diet, common sayings and nature of good and evil. And gay penguins, of course. AU

a really darling kid fic, based on teh stupid, homophobic controversy over that adorable kids’ book about teh gay penguin couple. one shot. 3,791 words.

4. A Feeling: It's LxLight fluff! This takes place after Light was confined and lost his memories, chained to L. : D SO YUS. SOME FLUFF FOR YAH D: Hope you leik it :D

very cute “l and light cuddle and kiss” fic, written by a scene kid in 2008, which is extra points with me! one shot. 1,006 words.

alright! i will add to this rec list as i find more fics, and i would love it if people would send in their favorite lawlight fics!

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missvelvetsstuff · 10 months

Text

The Wrong One

Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Reader meets Steve while he is on the run and stands by him through everything. Until he sees Peggy Carter again.

9. The Storm Pt2

Warnings: swearing, angst

~Last chapter~

They got up to leave before Steve left the stage but the crowd was difficult to get thru and before they made it to the door, he was suddenly in front of them with a nasty grin

"Well look what we have here, the whore and the bastard who stole her. You kids can't leave yet, we have a lot to talk about."

~~~~~~~

Y/N felt her heart racing and her stomach turning. How was he even here, looking like he used to? She wrapped one arm around her belly to protect her and stepped back, into Bucky, whose right arm she held tightly in front of her.

Bucky was seething, the plates in his prosthetic whirring as he tensed for a fight. How dare Steve just pop back up, young again and throwing insults at his girl. "You have a lot of fucking nerve showing up here and tossing insults around when you're the one who left her!"

He looked at the crowd that had gathered around them, noticing the clicking and flashing of multiple cameras. "If you must do this we should go somewhere without the audience."

Steve nodded "Maybe we should go to your brownstone, in Queens. It looks awfully cozy from what I've seen." He spat out bitterly.

An out of breath Pepper rushed up to them "Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was-"

"I'm right here Pepper. Good to see you too." Steve interrupted.

Pepper glared at him. "I don't know what you're up to Steve but you best not put Y/N through anymore drama. It's not good for her baby."

Steve scoffed "I think you mean our baby. That is my kid. Unless she's more of a tramp than I thought."

Pepper bristled and had to stop herself from slapping him "How dare you call her names. The way you've treated her is unforgivable. You don't get to come back and cause trouble when you made your own mess." She took a breath to calm down, there were too many people here watching.

She lowered her voice "How are You even here? Like that" she pointed vaguely at him.

Steve grinned, obviously proud of himself. "I went to see Hank Pym and uh, convinced him to show me how to go back to my younger self."

He turned to look at Y/N. "I wanted to come back and marry you, take care of you and our daughter. I didn't expect to find you just a couple of months later playing whore to my so called best friend. It's impressive that you caught Bucky while you were fat and pregnant."

Y/N had to stop herself from flinching at the insult but Bucky heard her gasp.

Bucky growled and stood in front of Y/N possessively "You best knock off the name calling punk. You wouldn't even be here if you hadn't found out she was pregnant. After more than 5 years together you just up and left for a woman you barely knew decades ago. You didn't even have the decency to tell her beforehand."

Y/N couldn't say anything and just stood there, holding Bucky's arm and feeling lightheaded. When she felt like the room was spinning she pulled on the arm of his jacket and he turned just in time to catch her as she fainted.

Bucky swore softly and picked her up bridal style "I need to get her out of here, lets get to the car."

Pepper helped clear the way and her limo was waiting for them "Happy, please take them home and come back for me."

She looked Bucky in the eye "Take good care of them."

Bucky nodded "Always" then gently settled Y/N in the car and buckled her seat belt. He slid in next to her and Steve sat across from them.

The ride to Queens was silent, both men tense, and Y/N didn't wake up until the car stopped at her home. She looked around the car and saw Steve smiling at her, with a look in his eyes that she couldn't decipher, and felt her stomach turn again.

They went inside and Steve and Bucky sat in the living room while she went to change into more comfortable clothes.

When Y/N came out in one of Bucky's shirts, a pair of sweats and fuzzy slippers on her feet, Bucky got up to help her get settled and brought her some water and crackers.

Y/N sat quietly for a moment before blurting out "What are you really doing here, Steve?"

Steve scoffed "To get back what's mine, you and our daughter. You weren't even going to tell me you were pregnant, were you? How long have you two been together?"

Y/N had enough of his nastiness "You have a lot of fucking nerve to come in here calling names and tossing around accusations when you left me! With no notice, no goodbye. Nothing.

I had planned to tell you that night after you returned the stones. I had it all planned, a romantic dinner and the ultrasound picture framed and wrapped up for you."

She paused to catch her breath "when you showed up old after living your life with her, there didn't seem any point in telling you."

Steve reached out to take her hand but she pulled back, he spoke anyhow "I'm sorry for leaving you like that but I deserved to have my happy ending too. Now I have that all out of my system so I want you back. I want us to be a family and raise our daughter together."

Y/N shook her head "Why would you want to be with a whore? Couldn't you and Peggy have kids?"

Steve shook his head sadly "Peggy was too busy with SHIELD and her work against Hydra to want any kids. I had accepted that I'd never have any kids when Sam told me you were pregnant. I knew then that I had to get you back, be a family."

Y/N scowled at him "Did you lose your memories in the quantum realm? What did I tell you the first time you tried to leave me? You've had your second chance, that's all there is. We're over."

Steve looked surprised "I was just upset seeing you and Bucky so close, I'm sorry, maybe I overreacted.

I do remember what you said but now there's a baby coming, that changes things."

Surprise shifted to anger "But I know you two have been fooling around, I can smell you on him. But you're having our baby. You have to give me another chance."

She looked at him like he was nuts which she was pretty sure he was. "The only thing I have to do is give you access to your biological child. You and me are done romantically."

Steve looked over at Bucky "I'm willing to fight for you."

She sighed heavily "You don't get it Steve, there's no more chances, there's no fighting for me. You could take out every bad guy in the world but it won't matter. I'm not getting back together with you, period.

And my relationship with Bucky is between me and him. Get it through your head."

Steve shook his head. "I don't accept that. I'll find a way back in your heart. We will be a family."

She ran her hand down her face "I don't know how to make you understand Steve." She sighed and looked deflated "You don't know what you did to me. I can't trust you again. Not with my heart."

Steve scowled "Yes you were so broken that you fell right into Bucky's bed. It makes me wonder what happened before I left." He looked at Bucky angrily "i asked you to take care of her, not take her for your own."

Bucky had been trying to stay quiet and let Y/N and Steve work it out but Steve crossed a line. "I didn't take anything, asshole. Y/N disappeared the day you left. Sam and I looked for her but had no luck. I ran into her at the ice cream parlor we knew in Brooklyn, months later.

Now I know that Pepper set her up here and even had Scott checking online regularly to erase any trail she left behind."

Y/N moved slowly "I'm exhausted. All this has been too much and I need to rest." She looked at Steve and sighed "We can work out visitation once she is born and maybe joint custody if you can convince me you won't try to take off with her but that's all."

She smiled softly at Bucky and Steve felt like he had been punched in the gut, she used to look at him like that.

Bucky stood to help her up "I'll see him out and bring your tea, just go lay down doll."

Y/N looked over at Steve "Do you remember when we were first together and I told you I wrote my term paper in history about Bucky? You said I wrote about the wrong one, because I ended up with you?" Steve nodded yes, smiling "You made a mistake. I wrote about the right one but I dated the wrong one, you're not the man I thought you were and Bucky is 10 times the man you will ever be."

She turned and walked away, over the whole conversation.

As Y/N left the room Steve looked at his oldest friend "Please Buck, I know I fucked up but I'm here now and want to take care of them. You know I've always wanted kids."

Bucky looked at him emotionless "We can't always get what we want." and went to the front door. "You need to go now."

Steve bristled and shoved him but Bucky expected it so barely moved "So thats it, huh? Everything we've been through and you won't give my girl back."

Bucky rolled his eyes "She isn't mine to give. She is not something to own and she made her stance very clear. I'm just here to help her however she wants."

"Yeah, whatever she wants. How long have you been fucking her? Before I left wasn't it? Is that brat even really mine?"

Bucky couldn't help himself and punched Steve in the face, knocking him down in his surprise "Fuck you Rogers. I've had enough and I will not let you cause her any more stress. You made your own goddamn bed so fuck off with it."

Steve refused the hand Bucky offered to help him up and stood on his own, rubbing his jaw "I must have touched a nerve. I'll go but I'm getting her back. This isn't over."

Chapter 10

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #angst with a happy ending #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers fanfiction #the wrong one

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matchayogitea · 9 months

Text

Downward Dog - Sirius Black x reader (part 2)

Part 1

"Good morning, ladies!"

James greeted you and Lily with the brighest smile he could muster and sat down opposite her. Remus took a seat in front of you, smiling slightly. He looked tired.

"Hey boys." You placed your fork down and wondered why Sirius - who practically lived glued to them, or at least to James - hadn't come down for breakfast yet. It was Saturday, but it was ten, and if James and Remus were awake you were pretty sure he must be, too. "Where's Sirius?"

"Oh, he couldn't move from his bed. It's all your fault, Y/N." James grinned but you merely blinked, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Well, he worked out with you yesterday, didn't he? And when he woke up he said he was sore all over and that he was probably dying and we should go ahead and get breakfast without him."

"He's such a drama queen..." Lily mumbled, rolling her eyes.

"We didn't work out. We did yoga." You pointed out. "It's much more than that. It's for your mental health as well as physical, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, we believe you!" James interrupted you, clearly not in the mood to listen to any details. "But if you're done eating, since it's basically your fault Sirius can't move, I would go and bring him some breakfast if I were you. He'd appreciate it."

Without waiting for your reply, he started piling all sorts of foods on a plate which he then handed to you, along with a mug of hot coffee. He was grinning ear to ear and you shot a confused look at Remus, but he nodded and smiled encouragingly, so you grabbed everything and said bye to everyone.

Lily didn't look too happy to be left alone with James. Well, Remus is there too, she'll be fine.

When you knocked on the boys' dorm room you realized you had no clue where Peter was and you hoped he wouldn't be in there with Sirius... things were already kind of weird anyway. But when you heard Sirius' voice tell you to go in you were happy to notice he was alone, sitting up in his bed, wearing a t-shirt and what looked like sweatpants. "Y/N?" He looked surprised to see you, but immediately jumped out of bed. "Is that for me? I'm starving! Thank you!"

As you handed him the plate and observed him move around the bed to sit down once again you thought he didn't look sore in the slightest. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?" He muttered after swallowing some coffee, raising an eyebrow at you.

"I thought you were... dying, as James eloquently put it."

Sirius stared at you as if you'd turned into a Hippogriff. "Me? Why would I be?"

"That's what James said, he told me you were all sore and couldn't move cause of yesterday's yoga practice, and-" You froze, as you realized. That idiot had done it on purpose to send you up to Sirius' room. "I'm going to murder him."

You turned to leave, but Sirius quickly got to his feet and stopped you. "Wait! I thought... maybe we could share?" He offered, pointing to the plate, giving you his best puppy dog eyes. He was damn good at it.

"Well... technically I've already had breakfast... but I could do with some more coffee, I suppose."

You gingerly sat at the end of his bed, reaching for the mug. Sirius sat close to you and for the first time since you'd met him many years before he seemed at a loss of what to say. He kept poking his food with the fork, taking very small bites, as you sipped the coffee.

"So... do you feel okay after yesterday?" You finally asked, just to break the silence. "No sore spots?"

"Oh, I'm fine! Just my legs are a bit sore, but not too bad." He glanced at you with a small smile and you wondered how the hell he managed to look so great on a Saturday morning. Even his hair looked perfect, not a strand out of place. I want to run my fingers through his hair so badly. No, Y/N, calm down. Don't think like that. Keep your cool, and-

"So when are we going to do some more yoga? I loved it yesterday. I felt really refreshed, after." Sirius added, as he bit into a piece of toast.

"I need to study for Potions..." You made a face. You hated Potions. "So I'll be busy today and tomorrow, I think."

"I'll help you with that. We can get it done by today."

You crossed your arms over your chest, looking at him skeptically. "Remus is the master, not you. You hate Potions as well."

"I do. Doesn't mean I'm not good at it. I usually just don't bother."

"Well, maybe you can help, but if we end up just wasting time-"

"We won't! Do you really think I want to spend one more minute than necessary on Slughorn's subject?" Sirius made a face and you started laughing, almost spitting the coffee out. "And then we can do yoga and you can teach me that raven pose."

"Crow pose."

"Yeah, that one."

Sirius smiled at you warmly and you smiled back as you placed the now almost empty mug down. He also got rid of the plate and moved closer to you. "Y/N..."

"Yes?"

"I was thinking that next weekend maybe..."

He'd moved so close that you could almost count his eyelashes, but your gaze kept drifting to his lips and although you knew he would notice you couldn't help yourself...

"PADFOOT!"

You almost jumped, startled. Peter had run into the room but he stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed you. He frowned, confused. "Uh... sorry?"

"It's ok, I - I was leaving anyway." You replied, getting up, flustered. "I'll see you later, Sirius."

You didn't look back as you left the room and closed the door behind you.

Great timing, Peter, you muttered to yourself as you descended the staircase, annoyed and frustrated.

#sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black imagine #sirius doing yoga #yoga #sirius black fluff #marauders era #marauders imagine

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redgoldsparks · 4 months

Text

January 2024 reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Electric Bones volume 1 by Hazel and Bell

Lucian is the son of a minor nobleman and the CEO of the galaxy's biggest AI company, but he's not so rich that he can't get in trouble. After being fired as a programmer from Echo Station he joined a startup with a couple friends and is now fishing for funding at an elite tech expo on board an expensive and exclusive space vessel. There he sees someone he thinks he recognizes- Ezra, a grey robot, an fully sentient AI who worked on Echo Station as a researcher and partially cost Lucian his job. So why is Ezra now working on the space vessel as an escort? Unless it's not Ezra, but just a look-alike robot model? These questions drag Lucian into the beginnings of tangled web of intrigue which include kidnapping, AI-hacking, and murder. I've been reading this story online as a webcomic for years; you can still read all of volume one here: https://electricbonescomic.com/index.... But last year I also backed the kickstarter, and just sat down to re-read the whole story in print form, including a sexy little bonus comic. I love these characters, I love the rich colors, the lovely sense of flow and design of the pages. I can't wait for volume two!

The Fox Maidens by Robin Ha

Action packed and exciting, this family drama is full of unexpected twists and turns. I loved the focus on female characters: passionate Kai, whose love of martial arts and sense of justice cannot be contained by the normal rules of Joseon society; her mother, Meorhu, a fragile woman with a surprising past; Sura, a thief turned mercenary; and the Gumiho herself, the deadly but alluring fox spirit who impacts the lives of all the others with her magic and charisma. The art is rich with historical details, beautiful nature scenes, and fast paced fight scenes. Lovers of ghost stories, kdramas, and queer re-tellings of fairy tales will find much to enjoy here. I was lucky enough to read an advanced copy of this book! Pre-order it now, or look for it in bookstores in mid-February 2024.

A Nobleman’s Guide to Seducing a Scoundrel by KJ Charles read by Martyn Swain

What a delightful return to Romney marsh! This book picks up 13 years after the dramatic conclusion of the previous installment. Luke Doomsday is now a secretary, looking for a new position in a large house were he can keep books and solve his master's problems. Rufus, the recently minted Earl of Oxney, formerly a major in the army and son of a draper, has problems. For one, he never expected to inherit and his uncle is doing everything he can to prove Rufus illegitimate in court. For another, the previous Earl of Oxney was a selfish old bastard who let the estates fall into terrible disrepair, while Rufus' timid cousin kept poor account of the estate's money in a chicken scratch handwriting. Rufus struggles to read at the best of times, and he can barely make sense of his newly inherited account books. When Luke shows up on his door, it feels like a godsend. The men are immediately attracted to each other, though both have reason to be wary. And Luke, in seems, may have come to Stone Manor looking for more than a job. This series is such a fun mix of spicy romance, action, mystery, and danger. I'm really enjoying the setting and time period, which is just after the end of the Napoleonic wars. I really hope there will be more books to come!

Translation State by Ann Leckie

No one is doing it like Ann Leckie! This sci-fi novel uses six different pronoun sets (actually kind of seven, except one is the same set just used culturally very differently by different groups of people). It’s fantastic. We’ve got they/them, e/em/eir, sie/hir, it/its, he/him, she/her, and she/her again except used as a universal pronoun regardless of gender (which works great inside the Radch Empire and badly outside of it). I'm on the fence about whether this book can be read as a stand alone, or if it would only really make sense after having read at the Imperial Radch trilogy and Providence. I suppose it depends on what level of baffling alien customs and politics you are willing to tolerate. This book opens with Enae attending hir grandmaman's funeral, only to learn that the seemingly wealthy old woman had sold her entire estate to a stranger before her death. For the first time in her life, Enae leaves home with a Foreign Affairs job: to see out a fugitive who left Presger space some 200 years prior. Enae isn't expecting to succeed, but sie gives it hir best shot- and in doing so completely upends the lives of a widening circle of bystanders including Reet, a man of unknown parentage, and Qven, a juvenile Presger. This book finally begins to explain this inhuman and terrifying species, and the reason why the Presger-Radachii Treaty defines the rules of so much of this universe. I deeply enjoyed this installment; it makes me want to go back and re-read the original trilogy.

Brooms by Jasmine Walls and Teo Duvall

Set in an alternate 1930s, Mississippi, this story follows a group of friends and found family who have to hide their magic from the restrictive and racist government. They survive at the margins, but they don't let the fear of prosecution stop them from doing what they love: racing together as a team. Deep in the woods seers and witches host carnival like events where racers on brooms compete for prize money and glory. Each of them has reasons why they need to win; lives and futures depend on it. This book is deeply queer with a diverse and magical cast. If you're looking for historical fiction where the trans and lesbian brown witches win, this one's for you.

Boys Weekend by Mattie Lubchansky

Sammie is a recently out nonbinary transfemm but their college friend group has not picked up on that fact yet. When Sammie is invited to be the "best man" at their friend Adam's wedding and attend a bachelor weekend at a high-tech, no-laws resort built on top of the Pacific Garbage Patch they decide to go in stealth mode. The resort is a pyramid scheme mutated with a strip club, business conference, all you can drink brunch bar, pro-gamer, most-dangerous-game corporate nightmare. Also, the waters around it are infested with terrifying flesh-eating monsters and someone is trying to raise an eldritch god. It takes every bit of queer resistance Sammie possesses to survive this bleak, hilarious, and surprisingly moving tale. In both their fiction and nonfiction comics, Lubchansky continues to hold up the black mirror to our own dystopian times.

Belle of the Ball by Mari Costa

A very queer high school rom-com comic with a satisfying message about growing into yourself and seeing others truly for who they are. It opens with a love triangle, but subverts that form into a more complicated shape by the end of the tale. Strong character designs and very effective limited color palette.

The Moth Keeper by K. O’Neill

In a desert village, a group of folks choose to live a nocturnal life to keep the moon company, and to care for a small group of magical moths, the only creatures who can pollinate a magical tree which helps sustain the whole ecosystem. One youngster, Anya, volunteers for the important but lonely job of Moth Keeper. She yearns to be of service to others, and feels she must earn her place in the village. In reality, help and friendship are only an ask away, and in this space everyone is cared for. This is a very beautifully illustrated and brief tale of responsibility, community, and resilience.

Feeding Ghosts by Tessa Hulls

What an accomplishment! I savored every page of Feeding Ghosts, absolutely floored by the labor and courage that went into the writing of this book. The inking is gorgeous, the history is clear, digestible, and devastating. This book threads the line between honesty and compassion in a way that I appreciate so much in any memoir, but especially one dealing with family. Hulls lays out the story of three generations of women starting with her grandmother, Sun Yi, a Shanghai journalist who faced intense persecution during the rise of Communism in China, who penned a popular and scandalous memoir and then suffered a mental breakdown. This left her only daughter, Rose, a student at an elite boarding school with no parental figures and no other family to lean on. Eventually Rose earned a scholarship to an American university and in the end moved her mother into her California home. Sun Yi haunted that home during the author's own childhood. The unexamined trauma and codependency of Sun Yi and Rose drove the author to the extreme edges of the Earth, seeking freedom from their ghosts. But in the end, she stopped running from her family history and turned, instead, to face it. Shelve this book with Maus, Fun Home, Persepolis and The Best We Could Do.

I Keep My Exoskeletons To Myself by Marisa Crane read by Bailey Carr

I really struggled with this book. I almost DNFed at 25%. Ultimately, I did finish it, and I am glad I did because I think the final act was my favorite part of the story. However, I think the title and cover set me up with expectations of what this book would be which were very different than what the book actually delivered. This is not science fiction- despite the fact it was nominated in the science fiction category in the Goodreads Choice Awards. It is only barely speculative. This is a book about grief, depression, and parenting a baby and then a young child as a single mom struggling with loss and borderline alcoholism. There were passages of the book which struck hard, individual observations and lines which rang like bells. There is also nearly no plot and I was frustrated by the lack of world building. I wanted to know more about the laws governing extra shadows- were Shadesters allowed to vote, hold passports, travel across state lines? Had anyone experimented with the removal of Shadows? When and how did cameras get installed in apparently every home in American, and how did the government hire and pay for a workforce of seemingly 1:1 surveillance agents to citizens? Also, how on earth did Kris manage to pay for a whole apartment on a single salary working a call center job, especially when as a Shadester she had to pay extra taxes? I understand that this is literary fiction, and these questions are obviously not the ones the book was interested in answering. But it felt strange to me that a book so focused on parenting would not include a single passage about struggling to pay for or arrange childcare. The "pop quizzes" that break up the text did not work well in audio, and did not add anything to my experience of this book. Ultimately, I would only recommend this novel to a vary narrow audience of readers who enjoy lit fic, and are willing to spend a lot of time in the POV of a character teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown through much of the story.

Atana and The Firebird by Vivian Zhou

Atana is a mermaid, but she was banished from her home to live alone on island for a reason she doesn't understand. One night a curious young firebird leaves her flock in space to come down and visit Earth, and she convinces Atana to go an adventure. They are soon pursed by magic hunters, but they also make friends, and end up as invited guests in the Witch Queen's palace. She makes them welcome in her massive library and gardens, but she also has ulterior motives. This is a fast paced story of magic, friendship, and young people slowly learning about the forces larger than themselves that shape their world and their lives. I really enjoyed the art, it has a very active, energetic line which serves the action scenes particularly well. I can tell the author came from an animation background! I am glad that the ending set up potential future installments in this world.

Portrait of a Body by Julie Delporte

I really loved the colored pencil illustrations of this book, especially the botanical drawings, and the kind of abstract relation of the text and images. I thought the drawings paired extremely well with the hand lettering even if at times I struggled with some of the cursive capitals. This is a candid memoir of recovering from sexual assault and a dysfunctional relationship to ones body and sexuality, of stepping into queerness and self-acceptance. I couldn't really relate to the author's journey, but I appreciated the honestly and thoughtfulness with which the more challenging themes were handled.

Fool’s Fate by Robin Hobb read by Nick Taylor

This book, and this series, has earned Robin Hobb a permanent place in my list of favorite authors. This story goes so hard, weaving together threads that are 9 volumes and 30 plus years of in-story history in the making. The final confrontations, reunions, and farewells at the end of this story were hard earned and so well written. This very much felt like it could have been a final volume of the Realm of Elderlings series, but I know that there are 7 more books to come and I can't wait to see what else this series has in store for me!

System Collapse by Martha Wells read by Kevin R Free

This book picks up right after the end of the previous volume and I had, unfortunately, completely forgotten most of the previous plot. Once I got myself oriented I still had a great time with it. Wow, I just love watching Murderbot learn and grow and solve problems in unique and interesting ways! I kind of want to go back and re-listen to the whole series.

The Chromatic Fantasy by H.A.

This comic blew me away. One of the most beautiful, strange, artistically ambitious and deeply trans books I've read in a while. Aesthetically, its as rich as a stained glass window or illuminated manuscript. Its narrative is psychedelic but emotionally it rings so tender and true. The story opens with Jules, a transman trapped in a nunnery who accepts a deal with a devil who promises to help him live as a man. Possessed and impervious to physical harm, Jules turns to a life of debauchery and crime. Then he meets another trans criminal, the poetic thief and thespian Casper, and they begin to fall for each other. They see each other as no one else ever has, they validate and treasure one another, but Jules' devil is a jealous master. The devil would rather see Jules burn than thrive. This is one of those books that made me want to draw, made me want to write, made me want to be bolder, weirder, freer, wilder in my story telling. An instant favorite, I expect I'll return to this over and over.

Mall Goth by Kate Leth

Liv's parents are on the verge of divorce; they've just moved to a new town and Liv will be starting at a new high school. At her last school, Liv was bullied for being openly queer and an unapologetic mall goth, and she is understandably hesitant to accept friendship overtures at the new school. However, a supportive male English teacher and a fellow goth gamer boy start to make Liv feel welcome. The goth introduces her to an MMORPG and the English teacher praises her essays and gives her Lolita. Both of them start regularly DMing Liv late into the night, more than is appropriate for the relationships they have. This book is in large part about a teen navigating confusing advances and how and when to disclose things that make her uncomfortable but feel hard to speak about or define. I thought that aspect of the story was handled very well. Some of the pacing in the friendship plot lines surrounding it felt a bit rushed, a few sections underdeveloped, but ultimately I think this book tackled an important issue not often seen in YA comics. It is also steeped in early 2000s Hot Topic/emo music/pop culture references- if you were there, you'll know.

What’s Wrong? Personal Histories of Chronic Pain and Bad Medicine by Erin Williams

Williams illuminates, through memoir, interviews, and mixed media illustrations the extreme failures of the US healthcare system to address chronic pain. These failures are especially common for patients of color, patients who struggle with addictions, patients who are queer or survivors of assault and trauma. If you had any illusions that the systems of medical care are working in this country, shed them now. This book is half cathartic, half infuriating to read. I really appreciated the honesty and vulnerability of the interviewees and the trans and nonbinary inclusiveness of the language surrounding pain tied to the reproductive system.

#maia kobabe #reading #books #book reviews #comic book reviews

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shelbgrey · 1 year

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Being Derek’s girlfriend in the period Meredith and him break up (yk like when he dated rose that scrub nurse)

Dating Derek after he broke up with Meredith

Paring: Derek Shepherd x reader

Greys MasterList

You two are the classic right person wrong time.

It was obvious that you two loved each other but there was always something in the way. When he was with Addison you were with Mark. You were single he wasn't.

At first you didn't want to get into the drama that surrounded Derek, Meredith and anyone else that was involved. It didn't matter being Derek's best friend made in involved the moment you joined the hospital.

For some background you and Derek had been best friends since you were kids. You had longed for something more with him but he found Addison... Then Meredith. You did your best to be supportive but it started to hurt more as you kept your feelings a secret.

Suprisenly you and Meredith are good friends but you couldn't help but feel angry as Derek put everything into the relationship while she kept pushing him away.

It wasn't the smartest decision in the world but as Meredith pushed him away you started to avoid him. You didn't want to get your hopes nor did you want to be a rebound.

I hurt him more than you realized and after about a week he conred you.

“I'm not avoiding you... I've just been busy”

You started arguing after the white lie he saw right through. He knew you like the back of his hand and you two hadn't fought since the 11th grade when Mark asked you to prom.

“because I love you! And I can't lose you too!” derek shouted. That made the fire between you stop. Silence fell as you looked at him with wide eyes.

“it's always been you and I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I was so blind”

You shook your head not believing him. He stepped closer to you and admitted he broke up with Meredith because he realized it was you that he wanted.

“Meredith isn't you...Addison wasn't you”

At first your relationship was kept on the down low. Only a few people knew and Meredith wasn't one of them.

You wanted to be the one to tell her you just hadn't figured out how to do it.

Eventually you told her. She was upset at first but was happy for you. In the end she didn't see Derek like that anymore.

Even if you guys decide to take things slow at first he's still an amazing boyfriend.

If your acused of 'ruining' his and Meredith's relationship he will immediately have your back. Hell even Meredith dose once she gets used to it.

Your just perfect for him.

You'll ride the ferry boat with him and he'll watch any movie you want.

He'll basically do anything for you. I wasnt a dog, done. You want to go to universal studios, done. You want the moon he'll get it.

He's very protective and careful with you. He's terrified to lose you.

He gives the best hugs and kiss. He's not afraid to show his love for you but not too big in PDA.

You hate the trailer but will stay every night if he asked you too.

He comes up with the best dates but if you want to stay home and watch movie he'll have the time of his life.

He's a cuddler and needs a lot of contact, so be prepared to always be in his arms if your not working.

Your a peds surgeon so it's always exciting to have a surgery together. On a side note you always steal his scrub caps.

It's not long before your relationship grows strong and unbreakable.

After about three years you do get married and have kids.

The wait was long but you have never regreted it. You two love each other more than anything and you couldn't be happier.

#Derek shepherd x reader #Derek shepherd #derek shepherd headcanons #Derek shepherd fluff #Derek imagines #Patrick Dempsey.#Greys anatomy #greys anatomy headcanons #Meredith Gray #grey sloan memorial hospital

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things-arent-what-they-seem66 · 1 month

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4. “You know I’d do anything to have you stay by my side, right? Anything.”

Hi! I had a bad day and was wondering if you could do this, for me? Like honestly this two are my comfort ship

Context/Ideas: Adamsapple wedding, Heaven and Lilith intervenes to try and take the first man back and Lilith is trying to get her (ex) Husband back and trying to make him "see reason' on gow marrying Adam is a mistake. Clearly it doesn't work for them..

If you're still out there anon, I hope this brightens your day. :)

"Lilith, what are you doing here?" Lucifer asked as he stared down his ex-wife. She could not have picked a worse day to show up from her long absence.

Today him and Adam were getting married. In 20 minutes in fact. He didn't have time for her mellow drama his fiance was waiting.

"Lucifer darling, I've come to make you see reason. You don't really want to marry Adam of all people do you? I'm back now, we can be together again." Lilith said in a sweet voice. A voice that had she been here 15 years ago, he would have melted for.

Now it just pisses him off.

"You left me, remember? I've finally found someone to be happy with." He crossed his arms over his chest.

She scoffed at him. "Adam makes you happy? I know you've had needs with me being away and all. I get it, I didn't expect you to go without getting some. But marriage is too far. We are still married!" Her eyes flashed red.

Lucifers own turned red as well. "Actually, after seven years of no contact I can assume you're dead. Our marriage was over the second you walked out the damn door!" He could feel himself getting mad. "I love Adam, maybe more than I loved you."

Lilith gasped, "Take it back!"

The door behind her opened. It was Adam. "Lucifer, do you know why the fuck angels are here and-" He stopped when he saw Lilith. "Hey bitch, how was vacation?" He sneered, he didn't really give a shit. She had been on that beach for so long he was surprised her ass didn't fuse with the beach chair.

Lilith was pissed. Her true demon form came out. "YOU!" She brandished her long sharp claws. "Husband stealing prick!!" She took a swipe at him.

Adam knew he couldn't fight her, as a sinner he had no powers. He couldn't move in time. All he thought about was how this was going to fucking hurt.

So much for a happy wedding day.

He closed his eyes and waited for the pain. But it never came. Adam cracked an eye open and saw that Lucifer had come between them, holding Lilith by the wrist.

"Don't you DARE lay a hand on him. Bringing harm to a ruler of Hell is treason Lilith. You are not the queen anymore." Lucifer growled out his voice demonic.

Lilith just looked at him with a gobsmacked expression. "You can't be serious!?"

"Dead serious." With everything he had he tossed her across the room, she landed in a heep on the floor. "Now, collect your angel pals, go back to heaven and LEAVE US ALONE!"

Lilith got up and glared. "Fine. Marry that second rate loser asshole. Don't come crying to me when it doesn't last." And in a puff of smoke, she was gone.

Lucifer turned to Adam. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Sera was trying to get me to go back to heaven with her. I told her to go pound sand." Adam looked at him. "Why did you do that?"

Lucifer cupped Adam's face, looking into golden eyes that stole his every thought. "You know I'd do anything to keep you by my side right? Anything. That means telling her to get lost and stopping her from hurting you."

"You chose me over her?" Adam felt his heart flutter. He was always worried that if the day came that that bitch came back, Luci would choose her. For once, he was glad to be wrong.

"Of course. I love you, Adam. I'm going to marry you for Satan's sake. Speaking of, why aren't you ready?"

"Angels in the way."

Lucifer shook his head. "Well they're gone now. Go get in your suit and I'll meet you out there."

Adam smiled. "Okay. I'll see you out there."

He couldn't wait to marry the love of his life.

#adamsapple #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer x adam #ask #guitarduck

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littlebitsmile · 3 months

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in flames [C.L.] | Chapter V

This is it, finally. With this chapter, we kick off the 2024 season and Emma takes part in her first official F1 race in Bahrain. I'm really excited about going forward with this, hopefully you are too.

Enjoy this chapter, breathe it in, feel it in your heart xx

story: in flames driver: Charles Leclerc [C.L.] trope: #haterstolovers summary: Always working three times as hard as everyone else, Emma does not intend to blow her chance of driving among the best of the best in her very first season in Formula 1. Concentrating on first and foremost getting ahead of her brother, she does not even notice that there are some people even in her own team who think she does not deserve this spot and would rather see her fail. And one driver in particular seems to have a need of always reminding her of that.

────ʚ C H A P T E R V ɞ────

"How exactly does this work here?" I ask, while two screens of light shine directly into my face and three or four cameras are pointed at me. A makeup artist is just powdering the last of the anxious sweat on my forehead dry, and a young man is sitting opposite me with a script in his hand. Probably the same one that was sent to me two weeks ago.

"You introduce yourself with your name, which team you drive for, and then I'll ask you a few questions. Easy cheesy lemon squeezy," he replies without looking up from his script.

I can't deny that I'm afraid of messing something up. I still regularly attend the social media training sessions run by Aston Martin's PR department, but Netflix's Drive to Survive team is probably in a whole different league. At least most of the drivers have already warned me about it.

Someone shouts "30 seconds," and suddenly the room empties. The lights are still blinding, and apart from the camera lenses and three-quarters of the interviewer's face, I can't really see much. Just a dark room, almost as if I were the suspect in a murder case and was being questioned - creepy.

I'm handed a film flap with my name, my team, and "Take 1" written on it. I hold it up in front of me and wait for the interviewer's hand signal.

"Hi!" I wave at the camera. "My name is Emma Verstappen, I'm turning 21 this year, and I'm driving for Aston Martin as a rookie in my first Formula 1 season."

"Cut!" A little bit of shuffling around echoes through the room. "That's great, Emma. You're doing good!"

"Thanks, I'm trying my best. Do you need that again or...?" My voice goes up half an octave towards the end of the sentence, unintentionally.

"Ah, no, thanks! But you can answer a question for me directly! How does it feel to sit in this chair?"

"Honestly, like I've been accused." I laugh nervously into the camera. A montage of the last six seasons of the show plays in my mind's eye - almost as if my brain is warning me not to say the wrong thing or get emotional.

"Don't worry, the jury found not guilty. For now, at least." A brief pause as he flicks through his question pad and finally stops at a page. "Emma, when you think about the coming year, what do you feel?"

"You're not the first to ask me that, what do you think my answer will be?" I raise my eyebrows. After his interview, Max gave me the advice to be as detached as possible. Don't stir up drama. Don't take shots at other drivers. Then I take two breaths and continue: "This is a huge year, not only for me, but also for my team. Aston Martin has made a huge bet by putting me in one of their cockpits. But I have no intention of making them regret it."

"Completely understandable! Do you feel comfortable in your team? It was actually very surprising that you didn't end up with your brother's team, Oracle Red Bull Racing! Would you like to tell us briefly how that came about?"

"Well, you probably all know Max, and you don't know me, but let me tell you, even though I love him and he's my brother... we would need some more time to get acquainted with the feeling of being stuck in a team together. Our mom could tell you that as well - everywhere Max and I are involved, there is trouble to follow." I answer honestly. What I don't say is that Max didn't speak to me for a week and a half after I turned down Red Bull's offer to be a test driver for this season. That I had to explain to him almost every hour why the match with Fernando Alonso works better for me at the moment and that later, after I've proven myself, we can drive together until we're old and gray.

"Emma? Are you still there?" The interviewer waves his hand vigorously in front of my face. I apologize and ask him to repeat the question.

"As you know, some contracts are coming to an end this year, and that's why there are a few places with big teams that have been in high demand for years. With Lewis moving from Mercedes to Ferrari and some contracts expiring, for example, Sergio Perez at Red Bull - are you speculating on one of them?"

I have to think for a moment, do some soul-searching. Do I even want to join a big team? Is "Formula 1 World Champion" at the top of my list of dreams? Then I answer: "As a driver, every week you're fighting for your seat, especially this season. It's no longer about where I stand in the world rankings, but rather about the potential I bring with me. I am convinced that I will find my way - regardless of my brother, Red Bull, or anyone else. Where this path will ultimately take me... I don't think anyone really knows."

"Two more laps, Emma," Sarah orders over the team radio. She still doesn't speak much, but at least the radio communication works well. Will I ever have as much fun with her as I did with Enzo? Probably not.

"Copy."

I say copy, but what I really mean is I hate you. Forty-five laps under the desert sun of Bahrain, drops of sweat evaporating in my racesuit and making the fabric stick to my skin. I've been trying to suppress my thirst for half an eternity. At least the heat is now my only problem. During the first few test laps, I had to mentally remind myself several times that throwing up in a new car doesn't make a good impression - especially not on the official first day of work. That moment when you're standing at the end of the pit lane waiting to get the final go. In the first corners while hitting the brakes for the first time, my head got put back against the headrest, body compressed. It felt like my heart was going to give up at any moment.

Pre-season testing is the first chance to see if what my team spent the whole year designing is actually going to work. So far, the car feels great - a few comments here and there about oversteer, the right braking behavior, and the optimal line, but at least I'm not a total failure. At least, I hope I'm not.

Fernando has already completed laps in the three-digit range yesterday and this morning combined. I happen to be put in the same test window as Max. I didn't think long about whether this was perhaps intentional, so that we could compare ourselves better, but after the first few laps, the thought crept into my head and wouldn't let go.

As I return to the pit lane faster than expected and the engineering team pushes the car and me back into the garage, I realize that I'm still holding my breath. I take off the steering wheel, release the headrest, and squeeze out of the tight seat. A few mechanics murmur "Good job!" or pat me on the back, but no one says a word. I exhale. Then I look at the car again. Standing right in front of it while the green of the bodywork hits me - an indescribable feeling.

"You know I'm your biggest critic, but that was a good performance today. We can work with that," says Sarah as she comes to a halt next to me and compares graphs on her clipboard. She looks at me from the side, then glances at the car and back at me. "This is your car, you better believe it."

I laugh and nod. "Thank you, Sarah. I don't think that was such a bad practice. There's still plenty to do." As I start to speak, I take off my helmet, finally remove the hearing protection from my other ear, and walk towards my cabin in the back of the garage. Sarah is hot on my heels. "I feel like I have to turn the steering wheel a bit more on the right-hand bends... but maybe it's just because the right-hand bends are a bit faster than I originally thought. I don't feel the headwind as much as I did in the wind tunnel, you can really feel the aerodynamic adjustments on the sides straight away. Do you think I can do one or two laps, just running around the track tomorrow before the start of training? I feel like I don't have every corner completely under control yet and..."

"Emma," Sarah tries to interrupt me, but I keep talking. Unlike me, she is at a loss for words and never let me finish my thoughts during our first few weeks. But this is about our car, about the points, about moving forward and not standing still. I carry on talking impartially.

"...maybe I can have a quick word with Fernando tomorrow? I'd like the front end to be a little sharper, at the moment we still have a lot of leeway - only if it's okay with him."

"Emma."

"Hm?" Now I'm paying attention.

"You're in fifth place at the moment."

"Wow, I didn't think so. That's good news, isn't it?"

"Max is in P6," she says slowly, smiles and then leaves me standing alone in the corridor. My water bottle almost falls out of my hand. I turn around quickly and call after her.

"Hey! You can't just say something like that and then disappear," but she's already around the corner and isn't paying any more attention to me. Has she just smiled for the first time since I met her? And that makes me almost more nervous than the fact that I have beaten my brother for the first time.

I'm not that lucky over the next few days of pre-season testing. But the high from my first day of practice on the track carries me through the week like clouds, before we even get to the first three free practices. I stay in the top 10 during the practice sessions that are part of the race weekend, but I seem to have completely lost my groove in qualifying. Starting from 12th on the grid, neither I nor my team are particularly enthusiastic about my performance, and this contributes to the fact that I don't get much sleep the night before the actual race.

I also have to attend several photo shoots in between - not just from my own team but also the official ones. For the first time, I get placed in an all-male field of riders, which is why I am allowed to stand in the middle of the so-called "class of 2024"-picture this year. That is more than awkward for me, but in that respect I will probably have to get used to not being allowed to have a say. On this occasion, I also try to spend more time with my brother, firstly to get some first hand insider advice and secondly to get to know the people he gets on well with.

Carlos Sainz, who tried to persuade me at all costs to go and celebrate with the group before my first race - as a season opener – immediately melts my heart. When I thankfully declined, he laughed and told me not to worry so much - after all, the Verstappen gene is in me too. I didn't mention that I wasn't so sure about that. At the same time, I wish him all the luck in the world - after all, he is currently without a seat for 2025. Secretly, I hope that he achieves better results than Charles, but of course I'm not allowed to say that out loud.

I also have time for a game of paddle tennis with Max, Fernando, Lando Norris, and Daniel Ricciardo - none of them seem to care that I've never held a tennis racket in my life, let alone a paddle tennis racket. On the contrary, each of them patiently explains their way of playing to me, until at some point I'm sure that each of them has at least slipped me some false information so that I don't turn out to be a sudden natural talent.

Unfortunately, all these distractions have not helped to reduce the pressure. The pressure from my father, who follows every Instagram post with excitement and then asks me whether I can really afford to play paddle tennis with Max and whether he missed the fact that I already have a World Drivers' Champions title in my pocket, which would explain why I would think that some free time is something I am allowed to have. The pressure from my team, whose hopes are mainly pinned on Fernando, but a driver duo consists of two people and not everyone is convinced that this is the right place for me. So I continue to sleep uneasily.

Before the race starts, I march up and down in the garage with a pulse of just under 130. Outside, I see fans running past, taking their seats, while the structure of the course burns in a continuous loop in my mind. It feels like I remind myself every five minutes that I shouldn't pick at my fingernails and instead find my focus. Max wished me good luck as I left the hotel, and he meant it, but that's easy to say when you start from pole position and have literally nothing to loose.

I overhear Sarah being interviewed somewhere, but unfortunately, I can't quite make out who it is from the voice. The walls here are so thin that I can hear every little movement of the technicians on the car, so I'm not surprised that I overhear conversations that aren't really meant for my ears. Only the interviewer's question burns itself into my head: Do you think you put too much faith in someone who is still so young?

I immediately shake my head, grab my helmet and water bottle, and make my way to my car. There I high-five one or two mechanics and then squeeze into the seat of my car. The cable for the radio connection on my left shoulder is connected to the car, someone plugs in my steering wheel, and the crew slowly removes the heaters from the tires. I wrap my fingers around the steering wheel, squeeze harder, and then let go again. Sitting here feels right, just like the pedals under the soles of my feet and the muffled sounds that can’t quite reach my ears. I try to find my focus and go over the route again in my head. Too much faith in someone who is still so young. The colleague in front of my car gives me the signal to rev the engine and drive out of the garage. Then I'm pushed to the starting grid.

The next few minutes fly by. The impressions of the last few days, the ups and downs, the conversations with other drivers, but also the phone calls with my father and his criticism - everything is buzzing around in my head without having an outlet for it. My body is tense at every turn and I'm literally clutching the piece of metal between my hands. I keep counting to ten in my head and tell myself that everything will be fine, no matter where I end up today - at least that's what I try to tell myself.

The signal is given for the last call to leave the start area. I get some last looks before my team makes its way towards the pit lane.

"Let's go, Emma," says Sarah through the microphone. I nod, even though I'm aware that she can't see me. My brain empties completely during the warm-up lap. Quicker than I'd like, I'm back in my starting position and looking towards the traffic lights. I feel nothing, think nothing. This is the first race of the season and nothing has been won or lost yet. All the cards have been reshuffled and we can only really say how the cars will actually perform afterward. The first lights turn red. Red. Red. Red. Red. And then the lights go out, and my foot presses down on the gas pedal. This is the official start of the 2024 season.

────ʚ [Masterlist] [Chapter IV] [Chapter VI (in progress)] ɞ────

Tags: @cmleitora @alliwantisadonut

#f1 #f1 fanfic #formula 1 #charles leclerc #slow burn #f1 imagine #haters to lovers

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