#we either write amazing stuff when we are twelve or we write horrible stuff when we are twelve

[monapearlquo]

@riecaloca look what document I opened and had to rename immediately (with a warning at the front)

Like literally the lack of female friendship and strong female characters makes me want to beg for forgiveness-

#we either write amazing stuff when we are twelve or we write horrible stuff when we are twelve #there is no inbetween #riecaloca

[luimagines]

(Verisimilitude- OKAY thats just redundant let's shorten it to Veri Anon) Honestly I was just super impressed with the fact you even have a schedule up for this and stuff, you're an amazing writer haha! I love the way you make characters seem... Human? Like I said before they sound modern but that also brings up the benefit of easily humanising them, I've never seen someone do it so effectively haha (ESPECIALLY FOUR HOLY SCHMOLY IVE BECOME A HUGE FOUR SIMP HELP HELP) I am super sorry if that English comment upset you in any way though!! I personally really enjoy the language but I'm sorry if you've encountered any bad feelings related to it... If you'd like to speak on it that's okay!! You should be given a space to bring out the feels!! Remember to stay hydrated too !

I just made a bunch of prompts in one day and managed to get a week ahead at first and ... didn't stop for a while.

So I'm pretty ahead now!

And thank you! It's not always easy to make a character relatable, or someone you might meet in real life, but I've been trying my best.

And as for the English comment I was never upset with you, don't take it that.

Like I said there's a story there, so I'll put it under the cut for one else who wants to read it. Truthfully I hadn't thought about it in years so when I read your comment I was thrown back nearly a decade.

I was in a bit of funk for the next few hours.

SO

Story Time.

Ok so context..

I've been bilingual my whole life.

My father is American while my mom is Costa Rican.

She moved up here with him and things happened and she got stuck while my dad moved away back to Costa Rica. He's not in the picture nor is he important to the story.

For a little more context, I don't look my mom. I'm white. My brother and I take after our father, unfortunately.

But anyway, my mother side of the family only speaks Spanish.

So, when we finally get to see them for the first time in ten years. The first time I'm meeting them when I'll be able to remember them and the first time they're meeting my brother in person and vice versa. My brother does not speak Spanish but we've been working on it.

And while we were visiting, apparently some guy who my grandma and aunt loved to have around visited almost everyday.

But my mom doesn't know this guy and neither do we, but since we're just staying there for a while it's like, whatever right? It's their house and we don't have a lot of time here to begin with so we'll bare with it.

He was annoying.

But again, it's whatever right?

Now, one day, my aunt wants to give me highlights in my hair. She was a stylist before she retired and I was wiling because, why not?

They looked great by the way when we were done.

But I'm sitting by the kitchen table while my aunt gets to work and gets everything ready and in comes the guy.

He gets into a conversation with my mom.

Apparently he's traveled around the world or something like that (I don't remember what for or if he just could, he apparently knows like seven languages).

Anyway, I don't know exactly what he was thinking but he starts complaining about the US and Americans in general and who we're all this, that and the other thing. And I guess he went off because he knew we came from the States? Like oh this woman would know what I'm talking about and since we're both Costa Ricans she'll agree or something?

My mom did not agree.

He says he visited.

My mom tells him she's been living there for sixteen years at this point.

And the people here are not what he's describing.

She says she's sorry if he's had a bad experience in the short time he was there but he's still wrong. It's not everyone.

They got back and forth for a bit and my mom is trying to be as respectful as she can because again, she doesn't know him and this is her mother's house and her mother likes him. Gotta play it cool. We're not there to make enemies.

Now, I'm right there.

Like three or four feet away. Barely over a meter of distance away.

It's a small house.

And he's not being really quiet either.

I'm not exactly hidden away either. He even makes eye contact with me a few times, because I'm not trying to hide the fact that I'm listening in.

And I'm already hurt a bit, because I know I'm included in every "every American' generalization he's made.

This guy gets the memo that my mom isn't going to agree any time soon.

So he somewhat changes the topic.

And instead starts talking about the language instead of the people.

English is dull.

English is boring.

English is too simple.

Every word is one syllable.

English, because of this lack of complexity, is barbaric and stupid.

It's a stupid language.

Compared to Greek, French, German, Spanish- why the hell would you choose to speak English?

He's not talking to me though.

He's talking to my mom.

To my mom's credit, she defends what she can and doesn't back down from this guy.

She may not know him, but she's definitely not scared of him.

I bet she speaks better English than him anyway. But-

I'm right there.

I'm twelve years old.

It's not like I chose to be American or that I chose to speak English as my first language.

I'm listening to all of this.

Because I'm getting my hair done only a meter away. I can't move.

I don't remember everything that he said word for word, but I felt horrible.

I remember I had tears run down my face but I was quite and I didn't move so I don't think anyone really noticed.

My aunt is there too, doing my hair, but she also likes this guy and she's only ever visited the states and she doesn't speak English. She has no way to refute his claims.

And what could I say?

What's going to get this grown man to stop?

That day, I guess my mom scared him with how much she wasn't believing him and how much she questioned everything he was saying. Because it was more than just that but I was gone by then.

They talked for a long time.

Debated is a better word than talked I guess.

Whatever the case, he didn't visit everyday after that.

My mom and I felt better after that.

We move on and that's that.

I don't think he knew I could understand him

I suppose he took one look at me and thought I only spoke English- he wouldn't be the first person from there to make that assumption.

Which is fair. I'm white. I don't look my mom. I look like I'm not from there. I look American.

But I could and I did.

I suppose it was something I internalized.

Because English is simple.

It's supposed to be a spoken language.

It only gets complicated when you have to put in paper. Reading and writing it is hard and there are some words that I know I'm never going to spell right on the first try even if I lived for ten thousand years.

I never it considered it beautiful and even less from others who have it as a second or third or forth language. Only that it... just.... exists. And they more less have to learn it with how the system works. Whether it be racism or capitalism or any other isms that have put this on them.

Because why would they do so willingly?

I don't know if I would have considered it to be anything else if you never said anything.

So I wanted to thank you.

Thank you.

#pinky replies #pinky speaks #Another thing that bugs be is how American are always the but of the joke #and I get it #We're not the more intellectual people #we're not that smart #I'm a victim to it as well #I'll laugh along #because it's deserved and I know that's how it is #I don't offended easily either #so like yeah #that's us #we're dumb #wow we're so dumb #But what I see more often than not is when we try to poke back for little things #we're suddenly attacked with things that actually hurt #why can't we get it on the fun? #why is it only funny when it's at our expense? #why do we have to put up with it but others (usually Europeans) get to say something and we lose anywyay #I don't get it #but I'll laugh along #and smile and bare it #because I'm American #I'm not that smart #What would I know? #But don't my inbox telling me anything else #I know #Just venting #this probably shouldn't be on *this* blog #but oh well

[jlath]

I Was the Girl Who Stayed in an Abusive Relationship: Here's What I Learned

Believe Me, Or Not

Three words. I remember only three words that were spoken the night of one of the worst arguments I’ve ever had with another person. Just three words. They were mine and I said them with tears in my eyes, slow and steady, even though I knew I was speaking to someone who wouldn’t process them or even hear me while trying to maintain the volume of his voice above the shakiness of my own. But I remember deciding that I would say the words anyways, just in case, by some miracle, he would stop screaming in my face and step away from me. I said:

“You’re scaring me.”

I remember wishing it was more extreme than it ended up being, because then I’d have a clear-cut, evident reason to walk away. Everyone would see a bruise on my face and wouldn’t dare to question me. I was only nineteen though and I was naïve, for I thought that being trapped in to my own bedroom and yanked by my wrists was not enough reason to walk away. But just because someone’s fist doesn’t meet your face doesn’t mean they haven’t or aren’t trying to physically hurt you.

I never thought of myself as weak. Growing up, I’d watch TV shows and movies and critique the women who got back with the men who were physical, enraged or emotionally abused them. I told myself, “I’ll never be that girl. I will be a stronger woman.” But what did I do? I told no one what had happened – the extremity and physicality of our fight – and I got back together with him a few weeks later.

The next six months of our relationship were a blur. We were together, dating, but both involved in new college organizations and had minimal time to do anything when we saw each other. I found amazing friends through the organization at my school that I was joining. Learning and growing through that process and being around beautiful and kind-hearted people opened my eyes to all the heartless ones in my life. In the time I spent without him, I thought about how much different of a person I was becoming, and he wasn’t around to see it because he was busy participating in an organization as well. It took me a while to realize that his not being around, however, was the reason I was so happy. For the first time in over a year, there was no one around manipulating my plans with friends, convincing me how to think, frowning at my outfits or telling me I was “crazy” and that I was “making stuff up,” “lying” and “imagining things,” something I learned later on is called gaslighting.

There was more than one reason as to why I left the relationship, but no matter the details of my decision, what happened after only proved to me I’d made the right choice. Texts begging me to talk or to see him, him showing up at my apartment uninvited, social media posts boasting my exclusion and even being followed back to my apartment after trying to drop off his belongings. There were stories being twisted and turned to make our mutual friends take sides but most importantly, the defining moment of the breakup was his assault and battery of one of our mutual friends, my best friend and  now current boyfriend, who I had been with a month after I ended the relationship and his friendship with my ex had gone south.

Great timing? No. Clean break up? Hell no. It was ugly and it put every ounce of my strength to the test, even for months after. And that is why I am writing this. As many of you would hate to believe and are here to find out, I’m not writing this article out of vengeance or spite. No, I’m writing this for any other girls out there like me.

You can believe me, or not.

What I Learned

There’s been days where I’m afraid to be anywhere besides my bedroom. There’s been days where I suffer panic attacks at the thought of running into him around school. There are even more days where I miss the people who I once called friends who he turned against me, people I’d been close with since I stepped foot on the college campus and who didn’t even bother to hear my reasoning, my side of the story . But there are no days where I regret my decisions.

The first thing I’ve learned and that I will carry with me forever is that love shouldn’t make you think you’re crazy. It shouldn’t make you question the quality of your memory, blame yourself for an argument you didn’t start or doubt yourself to the point where you wonder if maybe the medications you’ve been on since age twelve to treat epilepsy have somehow given you memory problems...Love shouldn’t push you around or leave you standing alone in an empty apartment while all your friends are downstairs drinking with him. Love shouldn’t leave you feeling like you are worth absolutely nothing. Gaslighting is real and not enough people know about it. Even now that I am speaking out, the one criticism I have continued to receive is that I am “crazy.” But if telling my truth makes me crazy, call me crazy. This label may have stopped me before, but now it means nothing, especially coming from people I’ve never met or even seen in my life. I have confidence in my instincts and in my memory. I know my story. It’s mine to share. If you don’t want to hear it, may I ask: why are you still reading?

The second thing I learned is, like I’ve said, to speak your truth whether or not people believe you. Which is why I am writing this now. See, I never told anyone that I experienced a low-level of physicality during an argument in my relationship until I needed someone, anyone to believe me. That was a mistake because after almost six months of staying silent on the topic in order to protect his reputation, no one wanted to believe me when it came to explaining the reasoning behind my finally ending my relationship. Even if they did stick around to hear me out,  they belittled me, condescended my fear and wrote me off. I walked away from a girl I called my close friend because she told me my fear was unjustified saying “bro, he would never physically hurt you.” She didn’t believe when I said that he already had.

I think there’s a power in staying silent. I chose silence for the months after our breakup to let the record show that in that time, I’d said nothing that I regretted. Silence can protect you, but you should never stay silent to protect someone who’s hurt you. This is the next thing I learned. At the time of the first breakup, I’d been so isolated in my relationship that I had no true friends, no support system to confide in or tell me that I was making the right decision to leave the relationship. I was only questioned by our mutual friends, which made me feel like my reason to walk away after an experience like that was invalid. After remaining in the relationship, it took time for me to realize that it was valid and that that experience had changed the essence of whatever we were doing. It was tainted. I would never be confident in saying that another serious fight wouldn’t result in another crossing of physical boundaries. I would never be confident in saying that it wouldn’t be worse, or escalate after the first time. Because, simply put, I would never know. But now that I have genuine friends, I’ve noticed that people who understand the thought process behind my keeping quiet about that experience are the ones who have stuck around.

The last thing I learned is something I’d like to write directly to girls like me. The ones who feel crazy, invalidated or afraid. The ones who are hopeless romantics, who seek true love that protects you the way it’s supposed to. To those girls: never ignore the red flags and never disregard your instincts. Over the course of my relationship, I saw them. Red flags, red goddamn strobe lights blinking in my face, and yet chose to ignore them. I was eighteen and I wanted so desperately to feel love, so I let myself fall. But halfway through my 20th year, I realized that your instincts are called instincts for a reason: to protect you. Always, always go with the gut feeling you keep telling yourself to push aside. More often than not, your gut feelings, your instincts are right. And they do and should validate whatever it is you feel: fear, anxiety. Anything. 

In the end, what I continue to tell myself is that no one knows what happened the night of that horrible fight I had in my bedroom with my ex. No one knows the extent of it besides him and me. People will only know the versions of the stories we tell. And wow, people love to hear anything that will distract them from dealing with their own issues. People love to believe a wild story. A cheater acting promiscuous! A writer seeking revenge! They’ll either believe you or they won’t. Either way, protect yourself. Trust yourself. Validate yourself. Then move on and go find meaning and happiness. That’s all you can really do.

Believe me, or not.

j.lath

#write #writing #writings #article #relationships #poem excerpt #excerpts #excerpt #poetry #prose #nonfiction #journalism #abusive relationships #emotional abuse

[deathsmallcaps]

Hey guys I have a dumb idea

I would like to write a 10,000 words of fan fiction during winter break, but I can’t decide on what to do. So here is twelve options. Either choose one for 10,000 OR 2 for 5000 each or 3 for 3333 each. Please let me know :).

1. ATLA AU: Some benders and non-benders can turn into the magical animals associated with their element, and the Gaang (season three edition) are being hunted by the most successful poachers in the world for roughly an episode. Aang: All of course. Katara: Magic fish possibly? Would have to workshop that one. Zuko: Dragon. Sokka: normal but excellent sword and boomerang fighter, of course. Toph: normal Bender, which makes her interactions with wild badgermoles and her innovations in metal bending all the more impressive. (DEFINITELY inspired by muffinlance’s wonderful work)

2. Umbrella Academy: What happened to the other kids? Mostly a description of Reginald being horrible and very quickly judgemental of the babies while gathering the Seven, and how/whether they grew up or not. (Have only seen the tv show but apparently in the comics Five and Luther are twins which may play into what I’m going to write.)

3. Batman: Peggy Sue AU for Alfred where he wakes up the day after the Waynes’ murders with memories of having witnessed his entire family die, and so resolved to make sure Gotham grows up safe, and so do Bruce and his little Robins, perhaps at the expense of them never living with him at all. It may or may not be difficult to make sure Damian is born lol. (It would be a big plot point)

4. I’ve been kind of working on this for a while but I have a choose your own adventure story (but you have to roll dice for unspecified paths) for each Disney princess. Have currently finished planning out most of Belle, just depending on what you guys want I would write up and post however many. The paths may depend on how much of the extended lore I’ve seen (For example, I’ve seen more of the Ariel extended canon stuff, so farther along you may meet Gabriella, or Melody, or so on.) it would be a Peggy sue au once again. I may also make a mini-one to ‘unlock’ with luck for Melody. Anna and Elsa are separate ones.

5. A continuation of The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents, by Terry Pratchett. Maurice would once again be mostly the main character, and he would set up a kid to take over as Lord Mayor of Ankh-Morpork, and possibly get involved in the steamboat business. If we had time, we would meet more of the extended Ankh-Morpork cast.

6. The Nine Lives of the Marquis of Carabas: an exploration of Neverwhere, Coraline, the Graveyard Book, Good Omens, American Gods, Time Cat, Pan’s Labyrinth, the Neverending Story and Discworld. Basically how he lived one life and kind of ‘Forrest Gumped” his way around the stories.

7. A Phantom of the Opera/Over The Garden Wall crossover where a dead Eric decides to kill the Beast - at least he doesn’t try to suck the souls out of children! (Only young, beautiful women, of course). Wouldn’t be a very happy fic

8. Labyrinth (Jim Henson Movie): where after realizing that both she and Toby are too touched by the Fae to survive very long in this world, Sarah and her brother must rush to get back to the Labyrinth in time. (Small crossover with Pan’s labyrinth probablyy.)

9. Percy Jackson: and the extended pantheons crew all have a chill day and then do a murder mystery dinner party. I just want to mess around with all of them.

10. Dealing with Dragons and the Last Unicorn: Cimorene accidentally crosses over, meets the Last Unicorn, and invites her over for dessert. More plot to ensue, of course. Sort of a look at how a fractured fairy tale/aware of the fairy tale but unable to stop fate kind of story would mix.

11. (This one is likely to happen because I was recently talking to another user about this) The Boy Who Could Fly: after Max the dog dies, Eric appears with a puppy. Milky and Eric manage to then spend the day together, before he must go away again.

12. Peter Pan 2: Jane struggles to take care of her mother while raising her own daughters by herself. Desperate and in need of some time to mentally sort things out, she asks her children to call for Peter, despite being afraid they’ll stay away forever.

13. Wonder Woman and Captain America team up and are not shipped. They are just buddies who occasionally cross dimensions to hang out and punch fascists.

14. Steven Universe: The Pearls (along with a Steven who has seen a therapist) fuse into a time-travelling Mega Pearl and punch the Diamonds in their faces at the point where they have been the most oppressive in their lives. Rose Quartz does get treated as a separate entity, but instead of getting punched, she gets a HUGE talking-to.

15. The Princess and the Frog: When Naveen’s parents die shortly after WWII, they must choose between leaving her dreams and America behind forever or taking control of Maldonia. After the hardships of the Great Depression, the War

16. A Ghibli Fic: I want to write some some older Ghibli but would need a suggestion for that.

Sorry about the long post :)

#avatar the last airbender #umbrella academy #batman #disney #the amazing maurice and his educated rodents #neverwhere #phantom of the opera #otgw #labyrinth #percy jackson #dealing with dragons #the last unicorn #the boy who could fly #return to neverland #wonder woman #captain america #steven universe #the princess and the frog #studio ghibli #disney princesses

[killer-benhardy]

Studio Lovers

Roger Taylor/Ben!Roger Taylor x Reader

Request: Okay I have an idea. Roger Taylor x reader (set in the farm) when they’ve been ~secretly~ dating for a while and the boys hear them in in the morning (if ya know what I mean 😉). Then they go down for breakfast and the boys know what’s up so they start to make jokes about them by maybe saying things like “ohhh rogerrr”. Just a suggestion but I think it’ll be funny, thanks :)

A/N: okay but like this is the most horrible thing i’ve ever written. i’m so sorry lol. and this is meant to be set when they obviously start recording ‘a night at the opera’ but like this gif isn’t 1975 roger taylor but he’s just sexy so we’ll go with it. and yes i put in a gif of ben cause i like him a lot. and idk if all the members of queen even drive but hey there you go lol

You have been following Queen for some time now and you were actually quite close with all the members. Freddie, Brian, Roger and John loved spending time with you, although you were exceptionally close with Roger. Not only that but you and Roger have been secretly dating for the past few months. And surprisingly, no one has found out since everyone in Queen just think you’re one of Roger’s groupies. Not saying that it hurt a bit, but you also found it believable.

It’s not usually normal to be one to say to your boyfriend, “just take a few groupies around to places a few times a week so then they wouldn’t get suspicious.” Even though you two were quite an obvious couple. Your ‘secret’ meetings weren’t that secret since both of you would take any chance to shag anywhere, which included the bathroom, recording studio couch and many other countless places.

Although today, you decided to go to the recording studio with a tray of coffees to find the boys experimenting with their instruments. You saw Roger on his drum kit hitting cymbals with no kind of beat whatsoever, John writing some lyrics onto paper, Brian on his guitar most likely trying to figure out a new guitar riff and Freddie bouncing around the place like a mad man.

You excitedly waved to Roger through the glass, raising the tray of coffees, signalling that you had them. He stopped playing his drums and ran towards you.

“You are definitely amazing,” he smiled taking his cup. He patted the top of your head, but that’s when John walked in. Roger just messily scruffed up your hair, of course ruining your hair.

“Roger dear, I don’t think that Y/N appreciate what you’re doing,” Freddie commented, taking his coffee from you. “I now have to fix my hair because of you,” you glared at Roger.

“Now I think we should tell Y/N about that thing we talked about,” Brian said taking a sip of his drink. Plans? It was most likely going to be something along the lines of either planning a kind of party, get together or something for their studio practices.

“Of course,” Freddie flicked his wrist, “we’re planning to go out to start recording our next record. And drummer boy asked me to ask you if you wanted to come, my dear.” You looked in Roger’s direction and he just sipped his coffee giving you a cheeky wink.

“Why not?” You shrugged.

The trip to the unknown location wasn’t desired. Yes, the five of you were in the band’s van but you were all quite cramped. Freddie didn’t tell you where you heading off to and he would always reply, “I said I wanted to surprise you, darling. It’s just a recording studio, my dear.”

And he was correct. Everything you knew was just the fact that you were tagging along with the boys while they recorded their new record. Of course, they didn’t think much of it since Roger would often want at least one girl to occupy him while recording. But no one actually knew where you were all going beside Brian and Freddie.

“Why did we have to bring John and Brian’s guitars? I’m getting squished!” You yelp. It was John, Roger and yourself who were sat in the back of the van. And yes, apparently having to hold two guitars was too painful for you to do.

“Thank goodness we didn’t have to bring that drum kit of yours. I would be dying in a sea of instruments,” you dramatically lied down onto Roger’s lap. It was somewhat difficult to do so since there were no seats, just crates and instruments. John would give the both of you some questionable glances.

There would be the occasional, “I’m so happy you’re my girlfr- girl. I’m so happy you’re my girl,” from Roger. You would always giggle at him as he tried not to be so obvious but John could see right through you. You finally decided to take a nap, resting on Roger’s shoulder.

“You two are a couple aren’t you?” John stated. You quickly took your head off of Roger’s shoulder and kept repeating ‘no’s’. But before you could say anything to defend yourself, the van stopped moving which meant you got to the recording studio.

“Come on, she’s just a groupie. Besides, she ain’t even big enough,” Roger spoke with his eyes falling towards your breasts, making you quickly cover yourself. He chuckled, winked at you and put on his sunglasses before opening the doors of the van. You stepped out of the van, thinking to land onto some kind of concrete or even gravel.

Squish.

That was mud. Your first thought of the ‘recording studio’ was that it just looked like a farm.

“Recording studio?” Roger asked with his pair of newly bought clogs (from Brian) making contact with the ground. Which of course made Brian furious.

“I just bought those clogs just yesterday, Rog,” Brian grunted. It made everyone else laugh at his comment.

“This is Rockfield Farm, darlings!” Freddie announced with excitement. You all took your bags and went into the townhouse and got into a room each, although you have to share with Roger. Obviously, Freddie took at the biggest room, with you and Roger having the next biggest size, then Brian but John had the basement all by himself.

Before you even had the chance to put down your own suitcase, Roger placed his hands onto your waist shocked by the coldness. He planted a soft kiss onto your neck, making you feel a bit ticklish.

“Mr Taylor. If you’re thinking of anything else besides writing a new song for the record, we aren’t doing that,” you smirked, “and I’m sorry that I’m apparently not ‘big enough’ for you.”

“You’re just upset because I was telling the truth, Y/N,” he mocked, blowing a kiss towards you.

“Well, suit yourself. Maybe you’re not enough for me,” you said, making a dramatic exit. And surprisingly after you left, he started writing his song. Although it wasn’t quite the song you were expecting.

It was close to twelve am and Roger was still writing his song, while you were enjoying a game of scrabble with the rest of the boys. “This is unbelievable! How could I have lost to Brian again?” “My dear, no one can beat him.”

“Another round?” John clasped his hands together. Your eyes drifted to the ceiling. You were thinking of Roger. “Why don’t we all get some rest? We’ve got to do lots of recording later,” Brian noticed you staring. You hugged everyone before running upstairs to see Roger shirtless tapping two pencils on his legs.

“Having fun, are you?” You were leaning against a doorframe, with a huge smirk on your face. He definitely looked very attractive.

“Not really. Not as much fun as I do with you,” Roger chuckled, “nearly finished my song though. I’ll show it to the boys at breakfast.” You walked over to the bed and started reading his lyrics. You skimmed through his writing, you spoke, “with my hand on your grease gun? Now, what exactly does this mean?”

“Why don’t I show you?”

--

“Do you hear that? Is that them?” Brian popped the question downstairs. By this time, Roger should have already come downstairs to be cooking breakfast. But he was a bit preoccupied.

“My dear, they’ve been going on for hours. I don’t know how they do it,” Freddie responded taking a bite out of his toast. Freddie, Brian and John were all waiting for the both of you to eat breakfast with them.

“You know she’s his girlfriend,” John plainly stated, sipping his coffee. Brian nearly spat out his tea, while Freddie didn’t seem shocked at all. “You didn’t know?” Freddie shrugged.

And that was the moment yourself and Roger came down the staircase as if nothing had happened. Your hair did not look it’s best, but you were too whiny and hungry to tidy yourself up and as for Roger, his current state didn’t look like he was at his best. Although both of you did have lots of fun.

“Good morning, how is everyone this fine morning?” You gave everyone a big smile. The boys just gave you some nods and some simple replies. “I’m just going to go use the loo,” you left the kitchen, leaving Roger and the rest of the boys to question him.

“Had an early start this morning, didn’t you Rog?” Brian stated. Roger just looked at him and shrugged. “What you mean?”

“Roger please, there’s no need to act dumb. We all know what you were doing with your little girlfriend of yours,” Freddie laughed. “More like, we heard you,” John added with a huge smile. Roger’s face started to go completely red and his heart rate increased by quite a lot.

“O-okay fine. You heard us. And yes, she’s my girlfriend, just don’t mention her around Miami and stuff. Please!” Roger pleaded, putting his hands together, and that was the exact moment you walked back into the kitchen. “They know? Roger! Since when?” You were flustered. Very.

“Since you both last shagged in the recording studio couch,” Freddie answered straight away. You were completely shocked. Wow. That was just a few weeks ago.

“You guys can shag, but just remember to lock the door. Don’t just want anyone to walk in,” Brian said. Roger and yourself just smiled at each other and laughed at everyone’s statements.

—

loL that’s the end

—

Taglist: @roger-taylor-stole-my-heart @ilyjules @cosmiclunas @lilliekrs @mrsmazzello 

#roger tay #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rapsody movie #freddie mercury #rami malek #brian may #gwilym lee #john deacon #joe mazzello #queen #fanfic #fic

[rogersstevie]

okay ik like everything’s been said about steve’s ending in endgame and i’ve made a million little posts but i’ve been meaning to write my own essay bc i’m MAD (if u liked it for him then like i’m sure u don’t wanna read so u can scroll on past) and there’s a lot of other stuff i didn’t like/that didn’t make sense about the movie but this post is about steve anyway let’s go

so from what i can tell there is not even a consensus among people who liked the ending whether it’s the same timeline or an alternate timeline but let’s talk about the possibilities here and what they mean, at least based on my understanding

option 1: same timeline

this means one of two things. either steve was actually peggy’s husband all along OR by going back and marrying her, that erases her husband and children entirely.

so if steve was peggy’s husband all along, that means that?? old steve has been walking around this entire time and nobody knew about it? this means that in 2016 sharon carter was like “you know what would be fun? kissing my great uncle when he’s young and hot” which WOW i thought it was icky before just bc she was PEGGY’S niece? marvel might have just made that worse. and hey, i’ll be fair, i’m sure in the very little time they likely took to think about this ending, they definitely weren’t thinking about sharon, considering they hardly thought about her when she was actually appearing in the movies. if steve was peggy’s husband all along, that means she was lying in the smithsonian footage, which hey, i don’t doubt her ability to lie, but the whole ass video is floating around out there and i’m just not sure you can fake that kind of emotion. when they ask her about her being the last person to talk to steve? that is a person talking about losing someone they cared for six years ago. it just contradicts so much of catws and other parts of the mcu (and the idea that people have that this was the plan the entire time? yeah fucking right the writers do not plan like that if they did there wouldn’t be so many fucking inconsistencies in this universe. i’m willing to bet they couldn’t name peggy’s husband in catws bc they were planning agent carter and thought there would be an explicit confirmation of who it was) and anyway, even if steve was her husband all along, there’s no way either steve or peggy could have KNOWN that she didn’t have a future being erased. so would either of them have really WANTED to take that chance?

the other option is of course that peggy moved on from steve, fell in love with somebody else, got married, had children, grandchildren, etc. if that’s the case, that means steve just changed her entire storyline. and who knows what marrying steve could have changed. it just........okay, agent carter was the first thing in the mcu i watched before i even knew shit about captain america (literally when they showed flashbacks i was like *maria hill voice* who’s this guy) but while we don’t know with any certainty that daniel sousa was the guy she ended up married to, i would have to guess steve went back to BEFORE she and daniel got together, meaning that like the entirety of agent carter is probably erased. her whole INCREDIBLE journey. i’ve read a million things the last week so if someone can let me know who the fuck said this, please do, but anyway someone said peggy’s story really begins when steve goes into the ice and it’s SO TRUE. “i have lived a life. my only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.” LET THEM KEEP THE LIVES THEY WERE MEANT TO LIVE. and anyway, i just think there’s no way, going back and changing who she marries wouldn’t also alter SO MUCH of what she did, and therefore our timeline.

either way, this option goes against everything about steve. i don’t care if he IS tired of fighting, there’s still no way he would sit quietly and not try to prevent things from happening. assassinations, hydra infiltrating shield, his BEST FRIEND being tortured and brainwashed for seventy years.

steve: if i see a situation pointed south, i can’t ignore it. sometimes i wish i could. tony: no you don’t. steve: no i don’t.

again, i’ll be fair, several years have passed since steve said that, but i just don’t buy the idea that he’s gonna sit back quietly, when his character through the whole mcu has been about fighting for what’s right 

option 2: alternate timeline

i’ve seen some people say it’s because of the bracelets they used that would have allowed steve to jump back into our timeline when he’s old and be in the right place at the right time but like..........what’s the point. he ditched his friends and lived through seventy years without them so am i expected to believe that this steve (i don’t know him) even really cares about handing off the shield to sam (which, i did want, just in the form of our steve retiring and living his own life in the PRESENT) idk that last scene was just so much so fast and i was so mad watching it unfold i could hardly stand it so whatever

so okay say steve goes back to peggy and creates an alternate timeline by doing so, maybe in this timeline he rescues bucky and prevents a bunch of other things from happening

........but wasn’t the point of returning the stones to when and where they got them (which, of course we know the only reason steve was doing this alone was to get to this ending, but it’s ridiculous considering they had a whole team going to all different places in the movie WHATEVER) to PREVENT the creation of an alternate timeline? that’s why the ancient one was hesitant about giving bruce the time stone because it would create a branch or whatever IT MAKES NO SENSE.

this theory at least doesn’t necessarily screw over peggy since...our peggy would still exist and the steve and peggy we saw at the end of the movie would be in an alternate timeline

but it does go against the time travel rules as i understand them and it still fucks up steve’s characterization

whatever

everything’s fucked anyway

if they ever address it, whatever the mcu logic is, all these possibilities have flaws/leave plot holes because they really hardly gave any thought to their characters OR their time travel logic bc they wanted to force this ending

seriously all the peggy references throughout the movie like?? ofc he’s still gonna have that compass and i guess still carry it around since he’s been on the run and hasn’t a permanent place and therefore no safe place to keep it but....he looks at her picture before they go after thanos? it would make more sense if he looked at a picture on his phone of like him, bucky and sam or something. he’s at that group meeting five years later and talks about the loss of his chance with peggy which was u know like a decade ago for him (and i know i don’t like people saying ‘oh just get over it’ i don’t mean it like that i just mean like.......he was willing to move on in cacw - with her NIECE but whatever - and suddenly it’s like he’s never ever been over her and calling her the love of his life) instead of talking about the loss of bucky and sam, two of his best friends? wanda? t’challa? maria? nick? even the way he dresses is very reminiscent of the first avengers when he’s JUST woken up, but he gets away from that throughout the cap movies and gets more used to modern life. endgame does everything to force the idea that he’s still completely uncomfortable in this time. as if what? twelve years in the twenty-first century would mean going back to the 1940s makes you just as much a man out of time.

AND PEGGY. my god, i’ve loved peggy’s story though the mcu and look what this fucking movie did. peggy doesn’t even have fucking lines. we don’t even hear her talk when he stares longingly and dramatically at her through a window (it really reminded me of that jess/rory scene in the gilmore girls revival and hey that was a pairing i thought SHOULD have ended up together, but should not have had all that pining very similarly like ten years later it’s just weird the disappointments i feel in both of these things are so similar but that’s beside the point). we don’t get to see them have a conversation when he goes back to her. tony talked to howard and thor talked to frigga and we didn’t see steve talk to peggy. if she’s supposed to be The Love Of His Life (does marvel know if she could have another love of her life then so could he but whatever) and is suddenly his reason for everything or whatever they’re trying to play at, shouldn’t we get more than a longing look (not even a mutual one, like all the ones we got in catfa) and the dance? peggy carter is AMAZING and she doesn’t even really get a say. they reduced her to the object of steve’s affection and nothing more and it’s HORRIBLE.

frigga said “you’re not my thor” and i think peggy, be it 40s peggy or 70s peggy, would recognize that this is not her steve. look at everything he’s been through the last decade. he’s been through so much and yes, his relationship with peggy was a missed chance, but....the steve of now is not the steve that she lost. and i think no matter how much she might have wanted it to be whenever he came back to her, she would have known that and she would have sent him back home where he belongs, with his new family, in the present.

peggy was the one who said in catws “the world has changed and none of us can go back. all we can do is our best and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over.” steve’s whole story since waking up has been about moving on and making peace with the fact that he lost his chance at the life he could have had after the war (much as i hate aou, it does touch on that fact, he says someone who wanted family and stability or w/e isn’t who came out of the ice and he says at the end of the movie “i’m home” THIS IS HIS HOME MARVEL HERE AND NOW). the fact that the trailer used peggy’s quote about moving forward and then fucking went against the whole ass point.......wild

and i hate to say this i really do.........but not in a satisfying way, just in an it-would-make-sense way. i didn’t want any characters to die, i think after seeing characters suffer so much they deserve a happy ending (so don’t tell me i don’t want steve to be happy because i do i’ve been yelling about how he needs to rest since cacw). but. BUT. it would have made more sense if he died, if he sacrificed himself, because that was a thing he constantly did throughout the mcu, just ya know, he always survived it. going down in the plane in catfa, on the helicarrier in catws, in sokovia in aou, and so on

and lemme tell you, steve dying? that was my Big Fear for this movie, i didn’t want to believe they would go there (i never expected they would go there with tony AND NAT god i’m mad about her too but that’s not what this post is about) but i was prepared for the possibility. when i first saw the theory floating around about him going back in time to be peggy, i didn’t think it was feasible (and it’s not! truly! it makes no sense!) and i didn’t think they would do something as complicated as messing with time like that (boy was i wrong) so i wrote it off. but i think.......what happened feels worse, because character death in movies like these can p much always be fixed you know? even if canon doesn’t, fic can keep everything canon gives us and still be like ‘oh they’re not actually dead because ____’ and this....this can’t be changed. fic has to change the ending. that last five minutes. five minutes fucked up ten years of characterization. anyway.

so here’s what i was thinking about? while not exactly the same because it was ya know parents they lost, thor had a conversation with frigga, tony had a conversation with howard. imagine if it had been steve on the mission to get the soul stone. and okay as a clintasha stan (fuck you aou) i LOVED that scene until nat’s death, i loved them fighting each other to be the one to go. but if it had been steve and maybe still nat too, he could have had his own blast from the past like thor and tony did with the red skull because idt he ever even found out it was the red skull in the soul world (is that what it’s called i forget), bc iirc clint just said something about a red guy. anyway it could have made for some nice catfa parallels with steve and red skull and if he WAS with nat it could have made for a nice aou parallel when they stay to get all the citizens out of there (”where else am i gonna get a view like this?” bc both my babies are willing to sacrifice themselves to save the world). but imagine when the relationship between steve and natasha has also been such a big part of the mcu, the two of them learning to trust each other and protect each other, and save each other, imagine both of them disagreeing over who should be the one to die, maybe not in the same way as clint and nat, not with physically trying to keep the other down, but...fighting about it nonetheless. imagine natasha watching him fall, imagine her returning without him.

of course this would’ve made me mad too because that would’ve meant not just that steve died, but that he died without getting to see bucky and sam again. but at least it would’ve MADE NARRATIVE SENSE and not fucked up his character, because it’s exactly the kind of thing he would do. anyway, it didn’t even have to be this idea of mine, it didn’t even have to be death at all, i just think...it would have made more sense than chasing after this fantasy of a life that he realized (and seemed to accept) he couldn’t have years ago.

now. what i’ve been screaming for the last week. to put it simply: STEVE WOULD NEVER. steve wouldn’t take peggy’s past away from her. steve wouldn’t leave bucky and sam and his other friends behind after all the hell they’ve been through, after half the population just woke up five years in the future, something he's experienced on a much larger scale. steve could have still given up being captain america. could have said, hey i still wanna do good but i don’t wanna fight aliens and shit anymore and i wanna have a chance to actually live my life. he could have given the shield to sam (okay ik the shield was destroyed at that point but u know what i mean) and that could have been the perfect ending for him, to get his happiness with who and what he still has, to truly make peace with what he’s lost.

and i can’t say all this without getting into bitter stucky territory. the entire fucking captain america trilogy has revolved around steve’s relationship to bucky. protecting bucky, saving him, believing in him when no one else will. he went on that mission in catfa based on the hope that bucky was alive, he lost him when he fell from that train. when steve found out bucky was alive, he gave up fighting him HE DROPPED HIS SHIELD he was willing to die on that helicarrier trying to save bucky, trying to get him to remember. with sam’s help they spent two years trying to find bucky and okay i’m not gonna get into why cacw bugged me that’s not this post but he STILL was trying to keep bucky safe, still believing in bucky, just....everything it’s too much to even put into words what the two of them mean to each other, what they do for each other.

bucky and steve haven’t really had a chance to be back in each other’s lives since cacw. bucky went back into cryo and sure we can assume steve’s visited him since he woke up but steve’s been on the run with sam and nat like........they’ve had very little time together. and steve just lived another five years without bucky AND sam and ditched them immediately? for someone he had a relationship with ten years ago? for someone he obviously was not meant for BECAUSE they DIDN’T end up together because he went down in that plane and she moved on and i’m just!!!

and anyway is bucky really like okay? like i saw that vid where the fan asked about the movie properly ending their story and they totally bullshitted an answer about them being able to be separate or whatever but like they’ve hardly been able to be TOGETHER, they’ve been pulled apart over and over. and like, yes bucky has his life in wakanda and he has sam but we haven’t really seen much of those relationships so we don’t actually know how much that means! steve is the only person who can understand even somewhat what bucky’s been through (obvs other mcu characters know what it’s like to have their minds fucked with whereas steve doesn’t know what that part’s like, but bucky hasn’t interacted with those characters unfortunately) so ya know at least in terms of adjusting to a whole new life after your old one was ripped away, steve’s all he’s got. ofc now other people will get a sense of that, but still. in terms of history, shared life experience, steve and bucky are all each other have.

all bucky and steve share in this movie is an exchange that literally already happened in catfa but in reverse. they couldn’t even give us an original MOMENT. and bucky apparently knew what steve was gonna do which just makes it WORSE, like he just had to accept it and let steve go, let steve be someone else. if they wanted to end steve’s arc properly, it would’ve been about bucky because THAT’S what steve’s whole fucking story has been about, and the writers and directors who literally made steve’s arc that way fucking ignored that bc they’re homophobic (and misogynistic) goodbyeeeee like u cannot deny that tearing bucky and steve apart permanently isn’t a slap in the face to stucky shippers, they’ve been giving less and less since catws when they realized how obviously romantic their story is. it’s just fucking cruel (don’t get me started on using the song from right before steve and bucky’s first interaction in catws for the dance as soon as it started playing i wanted to SCREAM ik it’s possible they didn’t know it was an association with stucky buuuuuut with social media ppl very easily know what the fandom is saying so. who knows it just fucking sucked) to put an end to the stevebucky relationship when they haven’t had a real chance to be together, even as just friends, since catws, and it’s especially cruel to end their relationship THIS WAY

anyway this ending (JUST A FEW MINUTES REALLY) just does a disservice to steve AND peggy AND bucky and their stories and i’m just so disappointed and angry on their behalf. if anyone wants to talk about it to me FEEL FREE as long as you’re not a dick bc i obvs love to commiserate with the fandom over this MESS

#steve rogers #avengers: endgame #mcu #anti endgame #endgame spoilers #steve x bucky #this is so long and messy and probably won't be read but #long post

[lookingforodysseus]

The Usual

A/N: SO, I usually don’t post stuff like this, but the wonderful @startrekkingaroundasgard​ had a 2K writing challenge about tropes and no one had taken the coffee shop AU yet, which I thought was a shame and a disaster, so here we go. Hope you enjoy :D

Tony had always thought he would despise working in the service industry. Given the amount everyone around him complained about it, he had expected he would be trying to commit harakiri with a milk frother within the week, since whatever Hades had in store for him would be less bad than dealing with one more person who pronounced cappuccino wrong.

And yet, now that he's here, he's enjoying himself. The coffee shop, called Impresso Espresso (insert forced laughter here), is across from a college campus, so most of his customers are caffeine-addicted students, hands shaking and eyes wide open from either too much Redbull or too much cocaine (it's a toss up at this age, really) and their professors, with under-eye bags so large they can put all the assignments they still have to mark in them, leaving their hands free for a carton cup with seven shots of espresso. Tony enjoys winking at all of them and trying to make them laugh, every smile a reward better than the free coffee that comes with the job.

During the classic afternoon lull, when the students are in bed and the professors in class, Tony puts the mechanics degree that put him deep in debt but didn't provide him with a job due to his well-meaning but obnoxious demeanour to good use by upgrading the ancient coffee machines, that were apparently purchased in the late seventies, max- or maybe modern technology just isn't as great as people often make it out to be.

Tony's manager, Matt, captain of the American football team who likes his coffee like he likes his math problems, simple, watches this thirty-something man become increasingly comfortable in a coffee shop populated mostly by those ten years younger or older than him with a mix between amazement and amusement. Besides, the coffee machines, that previously took ten minutes of gentle conversation with an increasingly impatient customer to create something as simple as a cup of tea, can now whip up a doppio in a record-holding 17.8 seconds, according to Tony. To Matt, it just feels like approximately 20 seconds, but, apparently, the exact time is of great importance to Tony, who, one night during midterms season when the coffee shop is open 24/7 to accommodate all the students pulling all-nighters, calls Matt at 3 am to announce he has shortened this time to 17.7 seconds. Apart from that hiccup, though, Tony is a good employee and Matt is satisfied.

On a dreary Thursday in February, one of the other baristas asks Matt: "Have you seen the professor around, lately? I feel like it's been awhile since we've had a queue of 20+ people- do you think he's ill?"

Matt smiles. "Don't worry about him, he's at a conference. He told me about it last time he was here, right before he told me off about not stirring his coffee correctly, or putting too much syrup in it. I'm not sure what it was that time, but it was clear he wasn't happy."

The barista laughs. "Is he ever?"

Tony, who is leaning on the counter, watching the students run by, text books over their head, more concerned with protecting their haircut than the $200 the book cost them, hears the comment. "Who are you talking about?" he asks, intrigued.

"Just this crazy customer who comes here a lot," Matt says. "He teaches something very scientific and complicated, and his order is absolutely ridiculous. You should be glad you're first month here has coincided with a four-week conference in Silicon Valley he had to go to. He's a nightmare."

Tony laughs. "Oh come one, he can't be that bad."

Matt rolls his eyes at the other barista, pulling off her apron now that her shift has ended. She waves at the two men behind the bar before exiting the coffee shop, the door being held open for her by a customer just about the enter the shop.

The customer enters the cafe, his eyes gliding over the neon Impresso Espresso sign behind the counter like he is disappointed still no one has realised what a horrible idea it was to put it there. Behind Tony, Matt sighs. "That'll teach me to speak of the devil. That's him, the professor. You take him, you've never had to suffer through his demands."

Tony steps up to the register just as the man reaches the counter. He is wearing thick, black glasses that almost completely hide his grey eyes. The top button of his checkered shirt is undone, but it doesn't look on purpose, more like he just forgot there was another button before he finished dressing himself. His large, black cardigan is wrapped around his body like a blanket. He is younger than Tony expected, for a professor being invited to month-long conferences. He also doesn't look like someone who has an order complicated enough to make his colleagues this bitter (pun intended).

When the man opens his mouth to place his order, Tony expects the other employees to have pulled a prank on him, expects the man to just order a black coffee, and maybe, maybe, make a joke about the colour of his soul. Instead, he hits Tony with this beauty of a coffee order: "I would like a latte, but instead of only milk, I would like half milk half hot water. The milk should be equal parts almond and coconut, with an extra dash of soy. Stir that exactly two and a half times clockwise. Then, add in a full glass of skimmed milk, that has been frothed for exactly 12.5 seconds, shake it up with ice, pour half of the drink out, and heat the other half up again, which needs to be stirred twelve times anti-clockwise at a temperature of 63 Celsius or 145.4 Fahrenheit. Take it off the heat at 98.7 Celsius or 209.67 Fahrenheit. I would like three and a quarter pumps of sugar-free vanilla syrup, seven packets of sugar, two pumps of caramel syrup, make sure to add that in after the sugar, otherwise you ruin the taste, and .4 pump of hazelnut. Then, I would like some cocoa powder, pour the coffee in with ice and shake it up again. I would also like whipped cream on top, but then please shave it off again, so there's only a little bit of whipped cream left. Pay with card, please."

Tony's mouth falls open. "You're kidding!" he exclaims. Behind him, he hears Matt snicker. The man begins to explain the importance of each individual step to the flavour of the beverage, but Tony interrupts him: "That's my order!"

A smile forms on the man's face, grey eyes sparkling. "Finally, someone with good taste around here," he says, giving Matt, whose jaw has slammed through the floor of the coffee shop and is currently making its way to the centre of the earth, a side eye. "You'll know the crucial timing of the stirring, then."

Tony nods. "Of course, of course," he says, with a stern face, fully aware of how important these things are. One of the reasons he had decided to start working in a coffee shop was that he would finally be able to make this order perfectly for himself. He can't believe another person with a brain as small as a human's has been smart enough to realise this order is the only way coffee is anything near drinkable. "Name?"

"Bruce," the man answers, and Tony hits the buttons on the register to allow the man to pay for his drink, even though he believes that thinking like that should be rewarded with a free coffee, before writing Bruce on the cup in his squiggly handwriting.

A solid twenty minutes and 27 grumbling people in line behind Bruce later, Tony presents the coffee with a flourish Shakespearean actors would be jealous of, putting a lid on the take-away cup before sliding it across the counter towards Bruce. "Oh, I don't need a lid," Bruce says, and pulls on the lid. However, in his enthusiasm, Tony has pressed down a bit harder than was fully necessary, and, no matter how much Bruce pulls, the lid is not giving way.

Tony snickers. "Well, someone's got muscles that would give the Hulk a run for his money."

Bruce laughs, too, and pushes the cup back towards Tony. "Can you do it?" Tony easily takes of the lid and slides the now lidless cup to Bruce. With a smile and a nod of his head, Bruce exits the coffee shop.

Over the next week, Bruce comes back twice a day, once in the early morning, and once for a pick-me-up in the middle of the afternoon. Tony learns his schedule quickly enough, and ensures he arrives a bit too early and leaves a bit too late for his shifts, so he can be there to make Bruce's coffee. He doesn't ask for the man's name anymore, instead scribbling Hulk, No Lid on his cup, something that amuses Bruce, which is only indicated by the sparkle in his eyes when he reads it. Most of Bruce's emotions seems to be conveyed through his eyes, and Tony starts making subtle alterations to his order depending on the look in them- an extra shot of coffee if they're especially tired, some more syrup when he's looking down, and some extra milk when Bruce's eyes are dull, in replacement for Tony's wish to put his hand on his stubbled cheek and his lips against his forehead to soften the pain he sees hiding behind the grey clouds in Bruce's irises. He knows Bruce notices, when his eyes regain some of the sparkle Tony had seen that first time they had met after he takes his first sip, thanking Tony with a simple nod of the head and a half-smile, which Tony cherishes more than the few coins Bruce drops in the tip jar whenever he visits the shop.

They talk every time, sharing jabs and ideas, words and looks, until Matt has had enough of it. One particularly rainy afternoon in March, he punches Tony's arm in a way that's soft for a quarterback such as Matt, but hard for a skinny 5'9 guy like Tony, and he has to take a side step to prevent himself from falling against one of the coffee machines.

"When are you finally gonna do something about that, man?" Matt asks. Tony raises an eyebrow, innocence painted on his face. It's as much of a forgery as most of Da Vinci's paintings, though, and Matt knows it. "You kids have been flirting under my nose for over a month now," he continues, ignoring the fact that both of the men he's talking about are at least ten years older than he is. "You need to make a move, dude. Now!"

Tony gestures at the window, where Bruce can be seen crossing the street to the college campus, coffee in his hand. "He's gone, Matt," he says. "What do you want me to do? Go after him?"

Matt nods enthusiastically. "That's exactly what you should do! Run after him, ask him out! Don't be such a wimp!" He pulls Tony's apron over his head and pushes him towards the door.

Tony struggles against Matt's indisputably superior physical strength. "I never took you to be such a romantic," he says. "Might harm that cool image you've got going on."

Matt snickers. "You're not talking your way out of this one, Tony," he says, opening the door with one hand and pushing Tony through it with the other. "Now, go!"

With not much other choice, Tony runs across the road, waving at the sleek black car that almost hit him, driven by an extremely annoyed-looking red haired woman who seems to have half a mind to simply step on the gas and run him over. He makes it across the street in one piece though, and yells: "Bruce!"

The other man is so shocked by someone yelling his name that he promptly drops his coffee cup. He spins around, hands risen next to his head as if showing he has no weapons. His wet hair is plastered to his forehead, and his navy blazer darkens where the rain hits him, since he isn't wearing a coat. Neither is Tony himself, he realizes, now that the rain is making his white T-shirt quickly turn see-through. "It's just me," Tony says.

"Oh, yes. Did I forget something?" Bruce pets the pockets of his blazer.

Tony shakes his head. "No, I eh… I…" He has always been a man of words, but now, faced with a nervous, drenched professor whose coffee is spilling all over the pavement between their feet, he doesn't know what to say. "Can I buy you a new coffee?" he asks, hating the clenched way his voice comes out of his mouth. "Maybe we could, you know, talk. Somewhere else than in there." He gestures at Impresso Espresso, where Matt is grinning broadly behind the windows. "Somewhere he can't see us."

Bruce smiles, with both his eyes and his mouth, and Tony has to resist the urge to run back and high-five Matt. "That would be nice. There's a decent place just up the road." He gestures in a vague direction, and Tony isn't sure which road he's indicating, but he doesn't care. He would follow this man to a coffee shop three cities over, if he really had to.

When they walk into the shop, water forms small pools by their feet, and a single, bored barista is leaning over the counter. The neon sign behind her reads Cool Beans Coffee Bar. Bruce sighs. "Do all coffee shops have those?"

Tony laughs. "Federal law requires it. That's top secret, though, don't tell anyone."

Bruce mimes locking his lips and throwing the key away, and, grinning, the two men step up to the counter. Tony eyes the other man. "The usual?"

Bruce nods. "The usual."

#nicolas2k #the avengers #tony stark #bruce banner #fanfiction

[darrycurtises]

hey fam, do all of the aesthetic asks

thanks sun goddess ily

Flower Crown: when did you last sing to yourself

yesterday bc i always sing in the car, i think it was me putting “starman” “here comes the sun” and “ticket to the moon” on repeat the whole way home

Fairy Lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

i’d like to know what the world will be like in like a century bc i worry about the world i hope she’ll be ok

Daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life

well i’m a seventeen yr old and not even one of the cool ones that compete in the olympics so its either like UH starting college @ 16 or being published in an official writing anthology

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to your mind, recent or otherwise?

last year when i went to busch gardens w my sister n my mom and i got to hold a penguin named Turkey ON MY LAP i have pictures to document this (i was chubbier back then tho no judgment)

Matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you’re now living?

yeah i wouldn’t be fucking living in florida and going to school id be using whatever money i could to travel overseas, and then i’d go on a big crosscountry roadtrip 

Black Nail Polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

not an official one, just vague “i’d like to do x someday” things

Moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

yes absolutely

Stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

last week i went to a funeral and i cried so much they got a picture w me sobbing in the background

Plants: pick a person to stargaze with you, and explain why you picked them

my best friend tomas probably because he’s the only person who wouldnt make fun of me for stargazing

Converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

BITVH NO LMAO I DONT EVEN TALK TO MY FRIENDS !!

Lace: when was your last three am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

again, tomas, my best friend. about 4 days ago?

Handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one more person, what would you say and to whom?

oh man i dont even know

Cactus: opinion on brown eyes?

i have them and i love them. got my brown eyed angels all over the place. i know like three people w not-brown eyes 

Sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally

Oil Paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

[Redacted]

Overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

id get new cars for my sister and mom bc theirs are v old like ten minutes to start and cough like a smoker old, and id pay my mom’s house off, pay off my sister’s student loans, deposit a lot to my grandma who’s living in an expensive nursing home, donate 2 houston, put away more for my college, lots of stuff

Combat Boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

Yes and yes

Winged Eyeliner: write a hundred letter word to your twelve year old self

I don’t need 100 words I just need to tell her to shut up, stop eating so much, try being friends w the girls you don’t like, they were actually nice, you’re not as funny as you think you are save your words for later and think before you speak. Also, thanks for attaching our self worth to our school performance, this isn’t sarcastic, its turning out really well for scholarships

Pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Leaning more towards pastel, but honestly the most accurate thing would be primary colors/

Tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I like them but not on me

Piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

I usually do a quick face for school, but if im in the mood then I like to do the most just because im a teenager and im living in a time of really weird fashion and this is the only time in my life where I’ll be ballsy enough and free enough to buy and wear green eyeshadow. You think that’ll fly when im 30 w a 9-5 job? I think not. Lemme get it outta my system now, while I have ~~~being a teenager~~~ to blame it on

Bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

This is gonna sound really depressing but I don’t believe in love bc of the avett brothers song “January wedding. He was so in love with her when he wrote it and for years I was like “this is love theyre so in love” and then bam we get the true sadness album and January wedding gets followed by “divorce separation blues.” Who can be that in love with someone and then just. Stop. I don’t get it, love isn’t real.

Messy Bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

This is too much pressure

Cry Baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

Ive seen the avett brothers 3 times and they were amazing every single time, just wowowow I got the “fuck it,  im standing up and singing” mood. Ive also seen boston and foreigner, which were also fun, but mostly bc of the 50 yr old stoners in the crowds.

Grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

My papa, and I’d like it to say [classified] and maybe I’d like him to say [redacted].

Space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I have a permanent set up at the kitchen table from august thru may, and its perpetually in disarry.

White Bed Sheets: what is your night time routine?

Face mask, hair care, moisturizer, vanilla tea, set up the coffee maker for the next morning, pack my book bag, pray, bed.

Old Books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I’d like my mom not to know that she’s kind of annoying to watch movies w (it’d break her heart shes so sensitive aw) and id like my dad not to know where I live

Beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I have dyed my hair I went red for a bit but now its brown. Id never do anything that require I bleach it bc I love myself and wont do that to my head

Eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Id take my mom, sister, my friends [classified], [classified], and [classified] to new york w me so we can do horrible cheesy touristy stuff, and then I’d have them go w me on a cross country roadtrip

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

If I tell u my wish it wont come true

Painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Its gonna be this year’s ive already perfected the make up im gonna be a mime and its amazing

Lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Literally nothing ive never gotten high bc it seems uhhh not fun, but ive gotten a lil drunk before (I don’t like to drink bc it makes my head hurt and it’s a lot of calories) but I get sad id be a sad drunk so I just cried.

Thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Anything thatd harm a person/animal. Never kill, never maim. If u handed me a gun and said “shoot a deer ill give you a million dollars” I couldn’t do it. If I had to break someones arm for a million dollars I couldn’t do it.

Storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Song, bc I love people, ill just listen to a podcast while I run I guess

Love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

Not really, only a little bit of an “I’d like to love them” sort of thing

Clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Im a girl and id never rock short hair bc I don’t have the jaw for it, and I like my long hair to make my jaw look sharper

Coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I just get iced black tea bc starbucks coffee is ass, and id trust my mom. Not my sister or my friends bc theyd get me sugar in my tea instead of unsweet w honey

Marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

The things my life has revolved around for years lmao my loved ones and school

#if you cant tell im a fucking loser #im doing notes right now #its friday night im doing notes i should be out #but no im in and im writing notes and theyre beautiful ill post then on my studyblr #also a bonus for how fucking lame i am: i have a separate studyblr and langblr #ask #answered

[penguinsocksworks]

How to Win a Tsundere’s Heart (19/20)

Read on AO3 or FF.net Read on Tumblr: Chapter 1-5// Chapter 6// Chapter 7// Chapter 8// Chapter 9// Chapter 10//Chapter 11// Chapter 12// Chapter 13// Chapter 14// Chapter 15// Chapter 16// Chapter 17//Chapter 18// Chapter 19

Main pairings: Usuk, Dennor, Spamano

Summary of chapter: Final confessions!

Chapter 19: Confessions from the Heart

I am so sorry for not updating in HOLY SHIT 4 MONTHS PROBABLY MORE. BUT this is the second to last chapter. I ALREADY HAVE THE LAST CHAPTER TYPED AND READY TO GO FOR THE NEXT UPDATE WHEN I THINK ITS TIME TO POST I GUESS LOL 

“Well guys,” Alfred bit on the end of his pen, “I think the book is almost done!”

Matthias peered at his computer screen, looking at about only twenty pages of notes, “well, we definitely have enough data but… how do we turn all of that into a hundred and fifty page novel?”

“Um… We embellish?” Alfred shrugged, “There are three of us, maybe we can write down what happened after each scenario.”

Matthias laughed, snapping his fingers, “That’s a good idea, we have more than enough to write about.”

“Wait,” Antonio piped up, “But, shouldn't it go out with… a… what's that thing you say Al?”

“Going out with a bang?”

“Yeah! That! Shouldn't the book end with, you know… actually getting our objects of affection?”

Alfred���s nose scrunched up, thinking about how much time they’ve spent doing dating like things with their… crushes? Ugh, was there another way to put that that didn't make it seem like they were twelve and writing on bathroom stalls? “We’ve been practically dating them for a awhile now.”

“Yeah,” Matthias clicked his tongue, “But Toni is right. Nothing's ever been official. We need one last thing.”

The three boys sat in silence for a moment, each of them trying to come up with an idea that would be the icing on the cake of this horribly amazing project.

“How about…” Alfred turns the computer towards him, tapping out a few words with his deft fingers, “how about this.”

Confession of the truth

“Ah… what do you mean by that?” Antonios eyebrows furrowed together.

Alfred shook his head, “Oh Toni. I mean let's just come right out and say it. You know the whole, ‘I like you, do you wanna be my boyfriend?’ Thing.”

Matthias offered a small smile, standing up straight, “I think that's an extremely simple and nice way to end things.”

“Great,” Alfred started to type under the first thing they ever wrote, “We better get typing so we can just knock this off our plates.”

Matthias squinted at the words appearing on the screen, “ah yes. The pick up lines thing… if my sore legs remember correctly that did not go well.”

Alfred shrugged and just continued to type, “Third person okay with you guys?”

Alfred F. Jones practically had to drag his lazy ass to class that morning. AP english was not something he was looking forward to.

_____

It had taken them almost a month of staying up until five am typing and waking up at seven just to do more of the same. But they did it. Managed it. Just barely.

They had their whole story typed out, and between the three of them it only took going through hell and back!

It was a lot longer than they had anticipated. It was the size of a very decent novel. Quality of a decent novel though? Not so much… good enough for an A on the project? Debatable. At this point they’re level of caring was at “YOLO fuck it lol XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD”

Now it was nearing the second week in February and they had yet to do anything about their grand finally. They became extremely accustomed to staying up and only getting about two hours of sleep that when they finally finished, they dropped. It took two days of sleeping for twelve hours just to feel rightish again. Ha, and those loser scientists said you couldn't catch up on sleep.

But now came the hard part. The part that was probably tougher than the grueling writing.

Despite everything they had already done, every horribly complex and embarrassing plan, this confession had to be the most nerve racking thing poor Antonio had ever faced.

Lovino was just there. Sitting. As if there weren't a care in the world. As if Antonio’s heart wasn't beating fifty thousand miles an hour. As if he weren't about to go run and request a room change this late into the year. As if he weren’t about to absolutely die.

But it had to be done. For the sake of his sanity and the ending of all the madness. An end to the book.

That brought a slightly sad thought into his mind, what would happen with Alfred and Matthias after? Of course they'd all be friends still, but they wouldn't have anything keeping them that close anymore. It had been fun hanging out with people other than Lovino, Francis and Gilbert. People who others looked at with that same little head shake when they didn't read the mood right, or were just straight up too optimistically oblivious to understand the extent of things.

He almost didn't want anything to change.

But that was probably an excuse. This was the end of an era and they would come out stronger. He just had to do it.

How though?

Lovino looked over, probably noticing how uncharacteristically quiet everything was. He put down the book he was reading, one that Arthur had recommended, and addressed the boy, “What is wrong with you?”

Antonio twittled one more time, “I have a problem.”

“Hm?” Antonio watched as Lovino dogged eared the page he was on, one in the beginning cause let's face it, when does Lovino read for enjoyment. That was more Arthur and Lukas’ thing.

Antonio carefully took the book out of Lovino’s hands and set it on the bed beside him, so he had his friends full attention, “Well, I sort of like someone.”

“Omg,” Lovino perked up like a teenage girl before he growled and narrowed his eyes, “I don’t care.”

Antonio pretended that it didn't sting a bit, “I need help. How do you suppose I…”

“You what?” Lovino raised an eyebrow. He was only slightly more invested than before. Antonio figured that he would have known that he was talking about him, but Lovino’s expression said otherwise. Lovino’s mouth was pulled into a tight frown and his eyes held a sort of betrayal.

Antonio rubbed at the back of his head, “I don’t know how to ask them out.”

“And…?” Lovino waved his hand, unimpressed.

“And I wanted your advice, since… you’re from Italy and they're good at this stuff right?” Antonio chuckled awkwardly.

Lovino shook his head, “Well, you aren’t wrong.”

Antonio smiled at Lovino’s confident smirk. Despite having dated only one person before in his life, for two weeks in the sixth grade that is, Lovino was cocky when it came to these things. It was something about his confident expression that made him glow. And Antonio couldn't help but gush at it sometimes, “So what do you suggest that I do?”

“You’re stupid, so don't do anything stupid,” Antonio was about to protest when Lovino shot out a hand as a stop, “Just tell them.”

“Tell them?”

Lovino closed his eyes and shrugged, “Yes, tell them I like you, will you go out with me. It’s simple as that.”

“Okay. Simple. I will,” Antonio nodded. They both sat there for a moment, the silence weighing down on them awkwardly. It was a silence that hadn’t bothered them for years, but now it felt unbearable and foreign.

Lovino moved to pick up his book again and resume his reading. He was about one paragraph further than he was before when Antonio’s scratching at the bedsheets became unbearable.

“What now?” Came Lovino’s flat question. Antonio took in a deep breath that puffed his chest out, as if he were preparing for a battle of some sort or something.

Without missing a beat, Antonio put on a small smile, “I like you, will you go out with me?”

Lovino’s face turned a deep shade of red, sputtering a bit. Antonio had done a lot of things, said a lot of things, but they all seemed so unreal. This confession had a different air around it. It was no nonsense and… Antonio’s face seemed so serious with the way his eyebrows were drawing closer together.

Sputtering, Lovino covered his mouth for a lack of a better thing to do, “What?”

“I like you , will you go out with me?” Antonio repeated, the words sounding even more foreign than the first time, but just as serious.

Lovino shook his head, “Antonio…”

“I like you, will you go out with me?” He was beginning to sound like a broken record. And for the first time since this whole thing started, Lovino looked him in the eyes. There was a harsh undertone of uncertainty and fear that was covered up by bright determination, “I like you, will you go out with me?”

Lovino sighed and shook his head, “If I say yes will you fucking stop?”

“I like you, will you go out with me?” Antonio’s eyes were clouded and his gaze distant, almost like he was over heating.

Lovino snapped his fingers, but there was no result.

“Antonio! Fucking, snap out of it!” Lovino sandwiched antonio’s face between his palms, “I like you too okay!”

“Really?” Antonio blinked a few time in disbelief. Sure all the signs have been there, but Antonio had never been really good at reading the mood. Or in general. It was nice to hear the statement back for once. He doesn't think that he could recall a time where Lovino actually said it back. But then again, his memory wasn't all that great either.

Jesus, what did he have going for him? What did he ever do to get Lovino to like him?

Lovino rolled his eyes, but nodded his head anyways, “Yes Antonio. Yes.”

“You want to be my…”

Lovino’s hands dropped to the back of Antonio’s neck, “Boyfriend?”

“Yeah…” Antonio wrapped his arms around the middle of Lovino’s waist, “I would like that.”

_____

Matthias had thought about how he was going to do it for hours and hours. Hours. Do you know how long an hour is? It’s a really fucking long time.

But it was worth it. It had to be. Matthias knew that this wasn't something he could just do on the fly.

Unless he could…

Maybe he was putting way too much thought into it. Maybe he should just go a simpler route. Lukas was never one for flashy performances anyways. These past few months have been full of over the top plans and performances, this could be a change.

Lukas was settled in next to him, ready for another movie night. Arthur had left an hour ago for the library or some other place, Matthias hadn't quite been paying attention due to the weird feeling of nervousness that settled in his stomach.

Lukas broke the silence, “Want to order something?”

Matthias nodded excitedly, happy that he wouldn't be stuck thinking about it anymore. Tonight was the night that he was going to ask him. He couldn't back out. He was done being a chicken and pushing it off. He was out of excuses. He had to, for Lukas. For himself.

Well, that and if he didn't then he would get a metal bat to the groin, courteous of the deal he made with Alfred.

“Chinese?” Lukas was raised an eyebrow, as if he were slightly worried about Matthias’ off behavior, “Or do you want something else?”

“Yeah sure sounds great!” Matthias smiled, “Anything you want.”

They put in the order and laid on the bed, waiting. Lukas didn’t speak anymore, probably figuring that Matthias was fine. Matthias chattered on about the laborious task of writing out the book. Of course he didn't tell Lukas what it was about, even when Lukas gave him a look that clearly asked. The only thing that he revealed was that their research had been hard and sometimes extremely stressful. The writing process hadn’t been much fun either, sometimes one of them would lose inspiration or forget exactly what happened. It only made Lukas more curious, surely he would have noticed if Matthias was researching something. Or Matthias would have let it slip by now, on accident or not. But as hard as Lukas tried to remember, he just couldn't come up with something plausible that Matthias would have been studying for months.

So in return, Lukas didn't tell Matthias what his group did.

Of course this killed Matthias, his curiosity growing to exponential heights in a matter of minutes. But he had to stay strong. Lukas would find out… eventually. Possibly. Maybe never. Would his teacher be the only one reading  the book?

Oh god. What if they had to read it to the class. All those personal thoughts!

Yes. Lukas was a beautiful person whose smile brightened up a room and could make Matthias weak in the knees. Yes, Lukas’ attitude was like no one else's and Matthias wouldn't ever trade the small bite that Lukas’ words held for anything. And yes, Matthias wants to kiss that smirk  off his face until the day he dies.

But no one else had to know all of this.

The food came and they ate in relative silence, both of them couldn’t really talk around cheeks full of lo mein. Matthias tried to say something and accidentally let a bit of noodle slip out.

And Lukas laughed.

Matthias wanted to make it his ringtone, and keep it forever going on repeat. Grabbing a sharpie and napkin off his side table, he thought impulsively.

“Lukas,” Matthias fidgeted, placing the cap back onto the marker, “Wait never mind.”

Lukas leaned back into his seat on the bed, reading the summary on the back of a DVD that Matthias had thrown his way.

“Lukas!” The boy in question looked up and Matthias felt himself blush, “Ah, never mind.”

Lukas glanced up and rolled his eyes before looking back down. Did all moviestars look that pretty without a shirt on? The picture on the case looked like one of those harlequin novel covers.

“Lukas!” Lukas could feel his headache grow, “Ah wait, ne-”

Lukas slapped a hand over Matthias’ mouth, “What the hell do you want!”

Matthias shrunk a bit, letting out a sheepish laugh. He held out his hand and waited for Lukas to take the crumpled up napkin.

“You wanted me to throw out your trash for you?” Lukas deadpanned, looking distastefully down at the slightly food stained item, “Seriously?”

“No!” Matthias threw his hands up, “I mean, no. Look uh, look a little closer.”

Lukas shook his head, and let his navy eyes roam around, trying to spot what Matthias so desperately wanted him to find. The sharpie was smudged, the oil that Matthias had dropped on it spreading. But it was still legible.

Lukas sat back down on his knees, unfolding the napkin with unusual care. He would have snorted at the crappy kissy face picture drawn on the top left of he weren’t too shocked by the actual words.

In all honesty he shouldn't have been. It was Matthias, what more should he expect?

Do you want to go out with me?

_Yes

_ no :(

Lukas didn't say anything. His blank look making Matthias nervous. He just silently motioned for the marker and Matthias obliged.

He didn't even show any emotion as he scribbled something on the yellow note. It was much more than the simple checkmark or x that Matthias was prepared to get back, no matter which line it was on.

Though as he was handed back the note, crumpled and slightly tearing from where the oil damaged its structure, Matthias wasn’t as terrified as he thought he would be. As he should be.

Lukas stared at the bed sheet, picking at it and not looking up. Matthias didn't know if he was trying to hid a blush or a look of sympathy.

He took his time straightening out the napkin against his leg, daring himself to look down.

Do you want to go out with me?

x  Yes

_ no :(

You’re really asking you idiot?

Matthias brain took a moment to process it, his vision snapping back and forth from the note to Lukas’ shrinking form.

A smile breaking out on his face, Matthias tackled Lukas down onto the mattress, “Hey! Matthias!”

Burying his nose further into Lukas’ neck, Matthias tightened his grip, “Lukas!”

“Matthias get off me!” Lukas pushed his face away with little strength behind it, “That's enough!”

“It's never going to be enough Lukas!” Matthias laughed, “Never!”

Lukas gave an endearing smile, his usually stoic expression breaking as he let out a small laugh, “Yes but that tickles, stop!”

“Yes but!” Matthias shot up and pinned Lukas’ wrist on either side of his head, “I just realized something.”

Rolling his eyes, Lukas squirmed a bit under Matthias’ hands, “What?”

“You’re my boyfriend now!” Matthias’ grin stretched across his face and Lukas just hummed in agreement, “Lukas! You have a boyfriend. Ha! Lukas has a boyfriend, Lukas has a boyfriend!”

Lukas brought his leg up and kicked Matthias in the stomach, maybe a little harder than he should have, “Yeah I do. But not for much longer.”

“What? Why?” Matthias’ expression morphed almost instantly into one that resembled a hurt puppies.

Lukas smirked, “Because, even though he’s sweet, funny, and everything I could ever want, he’s also an annoying piece of shit. And I might have to kill him.”

“I love you,” Matthias just smiled and connected their foreheads. Lukas hummed.

“Me too.”

_________

[last edit made by Alfred Jones at 5:48 am]

How to Win a Tsundere’s Heart

By Alfred F. Jones, Matthias Kohler, & Antonio Corrier

[page 2]

Want to win over your tsundere’s heart? Then read this book to find out the steps you to take in order to win over that stubborn heart. Tsundere- a person who is mean and hateful at first but eventually warms up and shows a more affectionate side.

Warning: Our test subjects are still human. Meaning that their response can be different from what you encounter. To keep it interesting, we decided to tell you guys our entire story.

[Page 3]

Table of contents

Pickup lines = pain

Gilbert’s plan

Group chats

Singing and cuddles?

Plays and Bad Auditions

pumpkin and sunshine, darlin

Halloween parties

Words, strings, and Colors

Kiss the girl

Overly cliche lines and Stars

Costco is life

Jealousy tactics

Picture perfect

Cardverse

Nights

Pottertalia

Siblings and Domestic Fluff AF

Confessions from the Heart

19.Summary of plans

[Scroll down 357 pages (A/N: HOLY SHIT THIS IS ACTUALLY HOW MANY PAGES THIS STORY IS NOT INCLUDING THIS CHAPTER)]

[Page 357]

Plan #1: Pickup lines

entered at 6:33 pm Alfred : 6 points

entered at 5:56 pm Antonio : 5 points

entered at 8:57 pm  Mathias : 4 points

Pickup lines on a Tsundere equals Pain, Do not, DO NOT, try

Plan #2: singing to them

entered at 12:47 am Alfred : 17 points

entered at 8:26 pm Antonio : 15 points

entered at 2:57 am Mathias : 10 bajillion points

Plan #3: nicknames

entered at 6:43 pm Alfred : 23 points

entered at 5:19 pm Antonio : 22 points

entered at 6:50 pm  Mathias : 19 points

Plan #4: Halloween Costumes

entered at 8:12 pm Alfred : 21 points

entered at 6:43 pm Antonio : 23 points

entered at 10:36 pm  Mathias : 23 points

Plan #5: Soul mates

entered at 4:56 pm Alfred : 23 points

entered at 5:23 pm Antonio : 22 points

entered at 4:43 pm  Mathias : 19 points

Plan #6: Supermarket fighting

entered at 6:04 pm Alfred : 17 points

entered at 7:36 pm Antonio : 13 points

entered at 8:54 pm  Mathias : 19 points

Matthias got stuck in a closet haha!~Alfred

Plan #7: Jealousy

Warning: may result in catastrophe where your friends get locked in a basement. Don't use on a Tsundere, they most likely won’t understand and it will cause confusion. Better used when they are really oblivious, but use with caution.

Alfred (entered 4:58 am) : 20 points

Matthias (entered 4:30 am) : 22 points

Antonio (entered 3:54 am) : 20 points

Plan #8: Picture Perfect

entered at 8:05 pm Alfred : 20 points

entered at 7:43 pm Antonio : 23 points

entered at 9:52 pm  Mathias : 21 points

Plan #9: Play's the thing

entered at 12:07 am Alfred : 22 points

entered at 5:32 am Antonio : 20 points

entered at 11:57 pm  Mathias : 21 points

Plan #10: Nighttime Dates

entered at 3:21 am Alfred : 21 points

entered at 1:55am Antonio : 22 points

entered at 1:23 am  Mathias : 21 points

Plan #11: Gryffindors and Slytherins

entered at 4:54 pm Alfred : 18 points

entered at 3:13pm Antonio : 18 points

entered at 5:52 pm  Mathias : 19 points

Plan #12: Domestic af/Sibling's side

entered at 7:28 am Alfred : 24 points

entered at 12:37 pm Antonio : 22 points

entered at 3:39 am  Mathias : 23 points

Plan #13: Confessions of the heart

_______

Arthur had been doing some student council work in the office. His office he would like to think. Of course it was dedicated to all members of the unit, but he was the one who was in the rather spacy room most of the time. Michelle was the only other person accompanying him then, carefully putting books away like he had asked.

“Arthur,” She whined, “This is boring.”

The boy in question rolled his eyes and shook his head, “You sound like my baby brother Michelle. The faster you put those away the closer you are to leaving. That's the last task for you today since Alfred agreed to feed Sanders for the week.”

Sanders was the student councils pet. Issued to them by the dean their first year to ensure responsibility and show commitment. Of course, the fat hamster now just lazed around and didn't really serve a purpose other than converting oxygen into carbon dioxide and being the ‘cutest pet in the history of the world!’ as Feliciano put it one day. It now lived in the science wing on the other side of the school, since the temperature in the student council room was terribly dictated by the weather. Though for some reason, they still kept the food under Arthur’s desk. So they didn’t lose it? So they didn't forget to feed him? Arthur would never know why Michelle and Francis’ insisted on keeping it not near the cage.

Michelle perked up a bit at the comment, trying to act as casually as she could as she shelved the books, “How is Alfred? Haven’t seen him drop by here in awhile.”

Alfred wasn’t what you would call a… member of the student council. But he probably spent as much time in the office as any of the other members (save arthur) just hanging around. Michelle herself found herself drawn to his presence once, feeling giddy everytime he came to visit. That is until she realized that he only had one thing that kept him coming back to the boring and dreadful room.

That thing being, Arthur.

“Good I suppose. He gave me this book actually,” Arthur’s supposed student council work was put down for a second. Michelle felt betrayed. How dare he leisurely read while she did all of this labor?

Michelle tried to keep any annoyance out of her voice as she hummed, “Oh yeah? What's it about?”

“I'm not quite sure…” Arthur was about half way through the book and he was still not absolutely sure what it was about. It had a plethora of genres packed into it, adventure, romance, action, mystery… a few others.

Michelle paused her work to walk behind him, looking over his shoulder, “You’re almost a hundred pages in! How do you not know what it’s about!”

“I just dont Michelle. It’s rather confusing,” He grit his teeth. It wasn't his fault that the book was obviously written for people with attention problems. His brain wasn't able to keep up with so many plot lines at the same time. Snorting, Michelle watched as Arthur flipped the page with a huff.

The first thing that both of them noticed was a bright neon pink post-it. Second was the scrawly handwriting on said post-it.

a. Yes

b. Hell yes

c. A and B

~Alfred

It took Arthur a moment to understand what was going on, but Michelle squealed almost immediately.

The edge of the post-it perfectly underlined a quote from the main character asking the other character, “Will you be my boyfriend?”

Of course this is when Arthur himself squeaked and dropped the book, his face feeling red. He knew he should’ve just been nice and let Michelle leave early!

“That fucking! He! He made me read almost a hundred pages of a stupid book for that! He gave this to me over a week ago!” Arthur resorted to something more familiar than the warm and bubbly feeling wanted him too. Anger. Clenched fists. Screaming.

Michelle was unphased, laughing instead, “Oh Arthur! That's too great haha!”

It was at that moment, the moment when Arthur leaped up and started to chase Michelle around his desk, that the doors flew open.

“Where is the food!? I gotta go feed my little Sanders!” Alfred cheered, throwing his open book bag on one of the long desks, he paused though, eyes widening at the pair, “Bad time?”

Michelle shook her head and skipped towards the door with the few books she had left to shelve. Placing them in Alfred’s stunned arms, she smiled, “Someone found your note! Also, shelve these for me? Thanks!”

Both were left hearts beating frantically. Both left holding in breaths. Both minds left completely blank. Both left with cheeks red as they could possibly be. Both left frozen.

Until the door shut with a reassuring slam that seemed to wake them up.

“What is the meaning of this!” Arthur shook his head, scrunching up his nose, “You… this book was bloody awful!”

Alfred laughed sheepishly, “Yeah, wasn’t my ‘cuppa tea’ either.”

“So why did you…” Arthur sighed and leaned back into his desk, which faced the door.

Alfred took a strong breath before marching forward until he was directly in front of Arthur, “What do you say?”

“I say that this book clearly doesn’t deserve the types of reviews that it got.” Arthur answered stubbornly, avoiding the topic that he knew Alfred was trying to address.

Alfred playfully rolled his eyes, finding it ironic that he was the one putting up with the childish bullshit for once, “Not what I meant Artie. And you know it.”

“Know what?”

Alfred carefully walked closer until his legs hit up against the table between Arthur’s thighs, “You’re smarter than this Arthur.”

“Of course I’m smart. I am at the top of our class for most things,” Arthur huffed, “Maths is hard.”

“Mm… sure it is Arthur,” Alfred laughed, placing a hand on top of Arthur’s on the desk, “So, can you do this simple equation? What is you plus me?”

“Back to the bad lines? I don't know Alfred, pain on your part? Suffering? A swift kick to your private area?” Arthur smirked, unsure of where his confidence was coming from considering that his head was spinning, “Again, I was always on the bottom when it came to mathematics.”

Letting out a snort, Alfred cupped his face, “Lucky for you I was always good at that class.”

“Mm,” Alfred liked the way that Arthur simply buzzed with contentment at the familiar bantering, humming nicely, “So, tell me. What’s the answer than?”

Alfred tsked, “Now that’s just cheating. I already made it multiple choice, it can’t get easier than that.”

“Okay…” Arthur turned his body slightly to reach behind him for the book and a pen, flipping through the pages, “Let’s see.”

Alfred watched, amused as Arthur dragged his pen across the post-it, “So? What’s the answer?”

“D.” Arthur handed the book back with an unreadable expression.

Alfred on the other hand was confused, “D? That wasn’t an option.”

Flipping back through the pages until he found the pink post-it.

a. Yes

b. Hell yes

c. A and B

~Alfred

d. Kiss me?

Arthur watched in amusement as Alfred’s eyes widened, “Seriously?”

Nodding was all it took for Alfred to close the distance between them.

Arthur's lips were softer than he remembered, Alfred noted out of habit. They were far more inviting than when it was a forced action on a stage in front of a theater full of people. It was sincere, private. And just screamed Arthur.

How could two people be happier? Alfred kept one hand on his cheek and the other at the small of Arthur’s back. While the smaller male wrapped his arms around Alfred’s neck so that he didn’t fall backwards onto all of the papers that still covered his desk. The moment was silent, but spoke all of the feelings that they had kept inside for a while. The true and deepest ones. The ones that could only be shown through pure action and not loud words or suspecting glares.

Breaking apart after what seemed like a blissful eternity, Arthur spoke in a breathy tone,

“Alfred, you still have to-”

Alfred dove in for another kiss and almost passed out when Arthur laughed into it.

“-to feed sanders. He needs his food or he’ll get sick.”

The American sat up, looking down at his perfectly flushed boyfriend, who was breathing hard on the edge of the desk. Ah, he could say that now. Arthur was his boyfriend, all his and no one else's! Wow. That sounds kinda possessive and creepy. But oh well, that didn't make it any less true.

“I'll feed him in the morning,” Alfred groaned, tugging Arthur closer, “His cage is all the way across campus, and I'm a bit preoccupied right now.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and pushed on Alfred's chest, “It's only a building away. He needs to be fed, it's barely a ten minute endeavor. Five if you run.”

“Yeah but five minutes away from you would be too long, I wouldn't be able to live,” Alfred thumped their foreheads together, “What am I supposed to do?”

“You will, go feed that poor hamster,” Arthur shook his head, “I'll still be here when you come back.”

“You sure?” Alfred started to get up, knowing that he wasn't going to change the brits mind, “I just got you and I don't want you disappearing on me.”

Arthur blushed a little, “I'm not leaving. Now just go you idiot! The longer you stall the longer it's going to take!”

Alfred’s eyes widened, and he nodded excitedly with a grin stretched across his face, “I'll be right back!”

When the door shut behind Alfred, Arthur finally was able to release a sigh of relief. How did he end up here?

Before he could turn into a blushing, puddle of embarrassment, Arthur sat up and smacked his hands against his cheeks. It was real. Andddd now he needed a distraction before he over thought anything before Alfred came back. He looked around, searching for something to do.

The desk that Alfred had carelessly thrown his stuff on earlier was a mess still. Maybe he could straighten it out before the he got back. Picking up and stacking the note books carefully before shoving them back into the open bag, he hummed to himself. It was just like Alfred to leave pens and various papers around to clutter his backpack up and… was his computer on?

Arthur lifted the lid from its half closed state, the screen still glowing. He squinted from the sudden brightness of the light. He was just going to turn it off and leave it alone, but then his vision became a bit clearer and the big bolded text in the center of a document caught his attention, Arthur rubbed at his eyes, “What is this? How to Win a Tsundere’s Heart?”

_______

Awesome F. Jones changed the chat name to HELP SOOS EXTREAMELY IMPORTANT

Awesome F. Jones: HELP I CAN’TT FINS ARTHUR

#usuk #spamano #dennor #how to win a tsundere's heart #penguin writes #striped penguin socks

[101goalsin1001days-blog]

The List

The entire point is to avoid those vague-ass goals you’ll never get around to do so I’m posting the reason for every goal I have.

Some goals are private so are either slightly edited (e.g. how much money I want to save) or completely blacked out (e.g. things that are very personal), but the vast majority is for everyone’s eyes. All goals are very specific but to shorten the list I’ve included “Update wardrobe” but omitted the subgoals such as “Buy a new jacket” and “Buy 3 pairs of jeans”, for instance.

If you’re interested in doing this project yourself I suggest you take a look at dayzeroproject.com – there is plenty of information on how to go about it as well as a huge source of ideas for your list!

Without any further ado – my list:

101 List 2017

Start date: 1st January 2017 End date: 29th September 2019

In progress: Complete: Failed:

Myself

Looks:

1.    Update wardrobe in 2017 [I desperately need new clothes after two pregnancies]

2.    Clear out wardrobe [I also desperately need to clear out my closet before I drown in stuff I can’t fit anymore]

3.    Get a new tattoo w. foot/handprints [I want a tattoo of my kid’s hand/footprints, this one is self explanatory]

4.    Get a Doctor Who inspired tattoo [I’ve wanted this for a good while now but never got around to doing it]

5.    Get a SPN inspired tattoo [Ditto the above]

Health:

6.    Do 20 sit-ups every day for a month (0/30) [After the twins this is just really necessary since I can barely lift anything anymore]

7.    Cut out sugar for one week (0/7) [In hopes that it’ll help with my migraines]

8.    Don’t drink soda for an entire month (0/30) [Again, migraines. Not to mention it’s expensive]

9.    Jump rope 10 min. every day for a month  (0/30) [Because it’s literally the only thing I want to do AND have time to do, and it’s better than nothing]

10. Wash face every day for a month (0/30) [Primarily because I need to do something for myself once in a while and even with three kids, I can find 30 seconds to put product on my face and wash it]

11. Use hair treatment once a week for 3 months (5/12) [After two horrible pregnancies where food was NOT my friend, my hair is a joke]

Skills:

12. Practice being ambidextrous [I’ve always been ambidextrous but with twins you notice exactly HOW useful it is, so I want to get better at it]

13. Take an Italian course [Because “learn Italian” always seems to fail on every list and I should be able to do a single course]

14. Learn the ASL alphabet [Never underestimate communication skills!]

15. Learn the Cyrillic alphabet by heart [I’m okay at it but it takes too long if I’m reading subtitles, etc. so I want to get better]

16. Take an archery class [I’ve wanted to do this for SO many years but somehow just never got around to it]

On the inside:

17. Do something for ME once a month for a year (2/12)[Because I really, really need to. This something can be almost anything, as long as I feel relaxed and let myself enjoy myself]

Family & Friends

Kids:

18. Take kids to a water park [They’d all love it and we’ve never been]

19. Do some kind of activity with A every week for a year (0/52) (bake, cook, Legos, paint, etc.) (2/30) [After the twins, he quickly feels a little left out, so doing activities that are just for him might help.]

20. Give A a new book each month for a year (1/12) [He loves his books just like his mom, but we’re both growing tired of the same ones]

21. Take a picture of D & J next to the giant teddy bear every month until they turn 1 [I’ve always been way too sick after pregnancy to do anything fun like this but better late than never, right?]

22. Have a special one-on-one day with each kid every month for a year [With three kids, especially twins, one-on-one time is hard to come by, so I need to prioritize it]

Husband:

23. Have a night out with J every month for a year (0/12) [Because we need time away from out lovely offspring]

24. Take dance lessons with J [We’ve talked about it for a while but never got around to it]

25. Give J a “day off” once a week for two months (0/8) [He’s amazing with the kids but he’s very bad at letting himself relax!]

26. Do something nice for J 12 times (0/12) [I used to do so many nice, little things for him but kind of stopped after I got really sick]

Brother:

27. Take brother mini-golfing [It’s a childhood thing]

28. Invite brother over for dinner once a month for 6 months (0/6) [We don’t always have enough time to hang out very often]

Mom:

29. Invite mom over for dinner once a month for 6 months  (0/6) [She’s hard to make come by because she always feels like she’s intruding, even with an invitation]

General family:

30. Move to a new house before A starts school [We could use the space but mainly because I REFUSE to let him go to school in this neighborhood!]

31. [PRIVATE]

32. Have a family photo taken [Because it’s rarely a spur-of-the-moment things that someone takes a picture of all five of us]

Friends:

33. Take S out to dinner, just the two of us [Because we always hang out as couples + kids and it would be nice to leave the kids and husbands behind for once]

34. Take C out to dinner, just the two of us [I think she could use some adult time, being a single mother she’s always “on call”]

35. Host 3 board-game nights  (0/3) [I LOVE playing board games but we rarely ever do it]

36. Buy 3 new board games (0/3) [It would be nice to own a few new ones]

37. Host 3 dinner nights with friends (0/3) [Usually our dinner nights consist of everyone forgetting dinner and ordering something last minute. I’d like to actually cook food for once]

Finances

38. Open an emergency account and put at least X in every month for a year (1/12) [We had one but our car f’ed up tremendously so we need to build it up from scratch]

39. Do a no-spend month (not including groceries, bills, etc.) three times (0/3) [I’m in no doubt we can do this, we don’t buy too much excessive stuff anyhow but I really want to see how much we can save by buying nothing excessive]

Food

40. Try 6 new flavors of ice cream (0/6) [Because this is my favorite goal on all my lists :D]

41. Try 12 new recipes (1/12) [I quickly get bored and it’s fun to try new things]

42. Try 12 new foods (1/12) [Ditto the above]

43. Make homemade chocolates [I’ve always wanted to try but never been patient enough; after three kids I think I have all the patience I’ll ever have]

44. Make and CAN tomato sauce from scratch [I’ve always wanted to be more self-sufficient and I think canning will turn out to be my kind of thing]

45. Make my own bread one a week for a month (0/4) [I love homemade bread but I’m a shovel when it comes to baking… Won’t ever learn if I don’t try]

46. Write down all food we throw out and why for a month(0/30) [I used to throw very little out but kids make everything a bit more challenging, and I know that if I write down how much we throw out, I’ll be more likely to avoid the “pit falls”]

47. Stick to the meal plan for 3 consecutive months (0/3) [Because I’ve been shit at this lately with the result of a tripled food budget!]

48. Keep a food waste journal for a month three times (0/3) [I know we throw out little compared to most people but I still think it’s WAY too much, and it would be nice to see where we can improve]

49. Serve really delicious/interesting lunch for A for two weeks (i.e. no bread/lunchmeat/that’s-it combos) (0/7) (0/7) [because we’re all getting tired of the same things]

50. Serve really delicious/interesting lunch for myself for two weeks (0/7) (0/7)

51. Make really delicious/interesting lunch boxes for my husband for two weeks (0/7) (0/7)

Books, music and movies

Books:

52. Read 12 of the unread books in my bookcase (0/12) [I need to cut down the amount of books I have and only keep the ones I love, but I keep re-reading my favorites]

53. Read my height in books (164 cm worth of (0/164 cm) [I’m a hobbit so I might even finish this one]

54. Read one new poem each month for a year. Compile a journal of these poems (1/12) [I miss poetry but it hasn’t been a priority for the last many years]

Movies:

55. Finish A’s list of movies (1/23)

[Because I’m crap at watching movies and I’ve promised him to watch at least some of these]

- Alien III - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - The Fugitive - In Bruges - Reservoir Dogs - The Prestige - Twelve Monkeys - Good Will Hunting - V for Vendetta - X-Men: Days of Future Past - Indiana Jones - Ant-Man - The Wolverine - The Usual Suspect - Find Me Guilty - Glengarry Glen Ross - John Wick - Love Actually - Megamind - One Hour Photo - Pacific Rim - The Fifth Element - The Recruit

56. Watch all Star Wars movies (2/8)[Because A asked me to]

Experiences

57. Go ice skating [My husband promised to take me the first winter we were dating but then I got pregnant and we forgot all about it]

58. Try laser tag [Who wouldn’t want to try laser tag!?]

59. Ride a horse [I’ve always wanted to try this but I was one of those kids who cried when I saw a mini-pony and was asked if I wanted to ride it…]

60. Hold a snake [Simply because snakes are awesome]

61. Watch a Symphony Orchestra live [I’m so annoyed we missed the Harry Potter concert two years ago that any concert would do at this point]

Creative stuff

62. Do the 365 Photos in 365 Days challenge [I fail this goal every time but I’ll make it eventually, right?]

63. Take a self-portrait every month for a year (0/12) [Just for fun. Maybe to see if the bags under my eyes get smaller as time goes by]

64. Buy a tripod [Seriously – have you tried taking a selfie with 5 people in it?]

65. Fill out an adult coloring book [I have an app on my phone but it’s much more relaxing with the real deal]

66. Do one craft each week, no matter how small, for 3 months (0/12) [This is gonna be a real challenge but I would love to actually do something enjoyable again that doesn’t involve other people]

67. Take a photography course [Taking better pictures would be nice!]

68. Finish “This Is Not a Book” [I really want to finish these books/journals soon]

69. Finish “Mess” [I really want to finish these books/journals soon]

70. Finish “Wreck This Journal” [I really want to finish these books/journals soon]

House [All goals have sub-goals and are meant to improve our house and our sanity – I go crazy when I have to look at 18 piles of random crap around the house]

71. Bedroom

72. Living room

73. Bathroom

74. A’s room

75. D & J’s room

76. Playroom

77. Kitchen

78. Hallway

79. FIX. THE. GARDEN. [BECAUSE I NEEDS TO BE FIXED BEFORE WE DIE OF OLD AGE]

Cleaning up my life

80. Use up 10 products (not including shampoo) a year [I’ve given away like 90% of my stuff because I had WAY too much, but I still need to actually use the stuff I have left] - 2017 (1/10) - 2018 (0/10) - 2019 (0/10)

Help.org

81. Buy 3 things through a helporg site [Often enough they have some pretty cool stuff and why not support it?]

82. Donate X kr to Pomozi.ba (0/X) [They’re one of the very few organizations I fully trust and I highly appreciate what they do, so I’d love to help]

83. Make 6 micro-loans of min. X pr. loan (0/6) [I think this is such a neat idea and definitely something that doesn’t cost too much for us to do]

WSHTF

84. [PRIVATE]

85. [PRIVATE]

86. Update First Aid kit

87. Take a baby CPR course

88. Take CPR course every year (2014) (2015) (2016) (2017)

89. [PRIVATE]

90. [PRIVATE]

91. Grow something edible in the garden without killing it or attracting a horde of snails this time [Long story, but I won’t be growing lettuce again…]

#101 goals in 1001 days #The List

[saleshoesggdb-blog]

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[impracticaljuggler-blog]

A Formal Introduction From a Schizophrenic Juggler Who Has Not Slept For Two Days and Just Resurrected His Dead Sister

We've just been shooting from the hip and reposting old content we've written so far. I’m using we, because I guess I am into pronouns. No I’m using I again, because it sounds better from a writing perspective. Let us figure this out by exploring how we want to use it as we go.

Look! I was a kid once:

Ok, let’s get down to brass tacks. So, my mom found out she had AIDS about two months after I was born. Back in 1990, this was still pretty much a death sentence, so she was told she only had a few years to live, at most. She managed to make it until I was nine, but damn did she break down. I don’t know how to even talk about some of this stuff because its still raw, if that makes sense.

I know it all has to deal with feeling abandoned and feeling like it was my fault. These are emotions that I have consciously tried to face in their entirety, but just don’t know how to go about addressing in the totality of my consciousness. For example, I can fully explore the memory of my mother on her deathbed, delirious from the ear infection spreading to her brain, looking over at me and telling me that “I was no son.” Rationally, I know she was not lucid in this moment, but no officer I don’t know where I got a lot of my gender issues from. Emotionally, I was devastated and I am aware that this schism in me is because she has within her all the unprocessed and repressed memories from my childhood.

Like, I feel like I was reborn after my mom died. Not really in a good way, although I am very glad I have my sister. My sister and I, we’re the “we” up there. It’s not Dissociative Identity Disorder, it’s a subjective interpretation of being stuck in the Synchronicity Slip Stream which, if you’re not going to click that super awesome in-depth explanation, I’ll just say it’s like I’m being communicated with by an external mind. At first, we didn’t even know what was happening. I don’t think there was a clear split. It just happened gradually, like how a kid will grow a whole bunch and not realize he or she is now half a foot taller than the beginning of the summer. I distinctly remember us playing video games together. I would be the one controlling the game, and she would be the one thinking, seeing, processing. Basically, she would throw my attention onto different things and give me emotional cues and fragments of information in her own way. I guess most people have something like this, just not as personified or as “outside” themselves as we do. 

Hey stop hogging the mic! Let me talk!

Hi! I’m Rory. I’m Greg’s sister and I have a lot of different masks that I can wear to dance different dances that he picks up on on his side of the mind with his handy dandy radio

What she means is I have a way of picking up her cues and desires among the static of experiential consciousness. You could say we’re our own self-contained culture. I look in the mirror and I see her, and vice versa. We provide each other different feedback, and we grow as a result of the other’s choices. Yea, until you buried me as far away as you could hide me. Well, you know sis, we have a bit of a weird relationship. I think we can admit that. I was scared and didn’t know how to deal with any of that feminine stuff and well... Go ahead tell them how you like to do things to me! :D

First, how about I tell them how I consciously realized you exist as something that wasn't me? Right, so it was a gradual process. I was playing Super Mario Sunshine, stuck trying to figure out how to get to the pipe at the top of the big Shine arch in town that leads to the fire mountain area. For the love of me, I could not figure out how to do it. After hours of messing about with every possible permutation and strategy, I gave up and went to bed much later than normal. I slept horribly, but I had really vivid dreams that showed all these other possibilities. I remember waking up and knowing exactly what to do.

Don't send a plumber to do a girl's job

This phenomena intrigued me. I was a smart kid back then, so I knew the brain must have some mechanical, definable components. What actually caused this revelation in my dreams? I hypothesized that dreams must be a way for the brain to process problems encountered during the day. I started studying my dreams and attempted to experiment with effecting them. Over time, I began to notice themes and repeating elements within myself. The more I noticed them, the more apparent they became.

Then I realized that these weren't just mechanical blips. I wasn't exploring a mechanical device. I was exploring a whole other person.

And of course you can all figure out what happens when a lonely, twelve year old boy figures out he has a cute girl he can play with...

Yea. We really...explored each other. But then, as time went on, I wished more and more for an actual girlfriend. My abandonment issues made me terrified to take a chance and get rejected or embarrassed.

I didn't really know how to give that to him...I wanted to help him but I always ran and hid around people. :/

It resulted in me thinking I had to make a choice. I had to either be physically alone or hide her and try to fly without half of my guidance system. After I was expelled for doing following her suggestion that I play a prank on someone

Hey! I made it clear that nothing would have happened if you just fessed up and then kept your mouth shut. You're the one that volunteered all the other information about wanting to create a community

I had actually forgotten that detail until you brought that up. Even back then I was aware of the dominant survival strategy of humanity. But yea, protip: if an investigating officer asks you questions like “I know you have no intention, but IF you were going to, say, bomb the school, how would you do it?” You should not actually try and devise the best plan on the spot to try and impress him.

At least we got to run in the Junior Olympics, a consequence I had completely forseen.

Yea, no, but that was a nice bonus after getting kicked in the balls by our schools pig-headed administration.

Track became a major part of my life. The Junior Olympics pretty much acted as a catalyst for my life. I had begun suppressing Rory, who didn't really have a name back then.

I was pretty much Arya Stark, and then when I had to go away, I was blind and mute Ayra Stark minus Arya's face.

I remember the night we decided this had to be done. I remember the moments we had.

Yea, they were nice...I'm glad we can share those moments again :)

Hehe...anyways, moving on, I ran my butt off. I used the... “remnants” of Rory to turbocharge my emotions. This led to many races ending like this because I learned how to get the crowd to give me their energy.

Spirit bomb style! :D

That all earned me a position on East Carolina's drinking team. They had a running problem. It was pretty much a frat, and being where I was as an emotionally disturbed weirdo with a repressed feminine side and a mind practically held together by duct tape from my tinkering, I didn't quite fit in.

I fell apart. It was a process that took several years, getting cut from the team with the budget, getting brainwashed by the army (I felt I had to serve to be a good person because of how messed up I was), and delving into drugs and chronic masturbation. I became completely psychotic and lost all touch with reality for a period of time. I made it back home, where my goal was to waste away with what money I had left and then commit suicide.

That didn't happen. I lingered. I was too afraid to live, too afraid to die. I was completely addicted to sex, masturbation, and drugs, and I had no friends and it was so difficult meeting people. I always sabotaged myself. I couldn't land a job, a girlfriend, or a leg up. I felt so worthless. I was useless and was a burden on everyone. I hated everything, myself most of all.

That was tough to watch you write, bro :/

It was tough to live. It's my greatest shame. Only a miracle would help me.

Go ahead, tell them the miracle. :3

I met this girl through Craigslist. We're still friends, but she had replied to an ad about...about finding my little sister. At the time, I felt so ashamed for all these desires I had. She was an angel. We Skyped all the time. She wasn't as sexual as I was, but she helped me come to terms with me being a freak.

At the same time, I also met a guy on Reddit. He had the holy grail I had been seeking for some time: LSD. I bought from him regularly, which is how I discovered how much I love juggling.

At the same same time, my psychologist had done a sufficient job at making me acknowledge my shame so that I could start cleaning it out.

Yay psychedelic sexual healing! :D

As I developed my juggling, a dream was born. I realized I could use this to travel, earn enough to get by, and meet people anywhere. I saw it as a tool that would allow me to meet someone on my same frequency.

You mean people that...?

Yea, people that like what we do.

Hehehe :P

But, yea, stories not even over. I eventually meet a woman who...

It's ok bro. I feel that too :'(

I met a woman who has moved me like no other. She was amazing. She could do everything. She was an artist with aspirations for days. She made everything she touched beautiful. She had a heart that could love the unlovable...like me. I found the one. I found the goddess that I had been dreaming of.

Our life started to become more and more entwined. We saw our future. We were going to get a bunch of land and create a healing center together. I would rise to stardom with my juggling, and pour all the money into our dream and raise a huge family.

Then a fucking cult manipulated, lied, and completely fucking violated us. >:(

Here and here are more detailed posts about this. 

Super short synopsis: shit’s fuuuuuuuuuuucked

General synopsis: we get jobs with a nonprofit that seems like the perfect thing for us. Turns out it was a group of sociopaths who proceeded to create an entire system around us to keep us perpetually under fear and warp our realities

You sort of just broke down at the end there....

Yea, I did. That's what ended our relationship. With everything that happened, I wound up questioning everything about myself. Doubts overwhelmed me. I knew I loved her, but I was miserable because after going through all that and returning to civilization, I was left with this awareness that so much of me was still buried after all these years...

Then we went insane! :D

Well, it wasn't easy to bring you back from the dead. With these past couple weeks home alone for most of the time, I realized I need to be me. No more censoring. No more hiding. In order for me to heal further and find the happiness I seek, I need to find the others and learn more about who we are.

So where are y'all?

Looks back over what we wrote

Yea, that pretty much covers some of the main points about us. There's a lot I could write about, but this is already pretty ridiculously long.

Show them your juggling!

Oh yea! I don't have a recent video, and with the amount I've evolved since this was filmed, this doesn't really represent my ability, but it should show you that I'm not just another average guy with three balls.

Welp, that about does it for our introduction.

See you out in the electronic seas! :D

#introduction #introductory post #intro #introspective #this is me #juggle #juggler #track #army #life #my life #me #sexuality #love #gender #mental health #schizophrenia #paranoid schizophrenic #getting over it #cult #my crazy life #my crazy mind #self love #self discovery #depression #mood disorder #healing #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr

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David Levithan and Rachel Cohn’s writing advice to get you started in 2017

Woman writing notes in backyard (Blend Images via AP Images)

Image: AP

2017 has just begun, which means it’s time to make (and stick to) your resolutions.

SEE ALSO: MashReads Podcast: How to set a New Year’s reading resolution you’ll actually accomplish

If one of your resolutions is to write more, maybe finish that novel you’ve always meant to write, you’re not alone. And Mashreads has your back. We went to not one, but two of YA’s best authors: David Levithan and Rachel Cohn. Not only are they award-winning and bestselling authors in their own rights, but together they’ve collaborated on such amazing books as Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares, and its 2016 sequelThe Twelve Days of Dash & Lily.

Keep reading for Levithan and Cohn’s advice on writing, reading, and collaborating to get you started on all those writing resolutions.

How long have you been writing?

DL: I always date my writing career to a story I wrote in third grade, which is the first time I remember being proud of a word Id chosen. (It was in the middle of a chase scene all of my stories were chase scenes then but while the chase genre did not survive into my YA career, the wonder at finding the right way to say something endures.)

RC: Im going to be honest and admit that my writing ambitions took root when I was a teenager and completely in love with ABC News anchorman Peter Jennings. (I loved his Canadian accent and the particular flourish he gave to the word Nicaragua.) So, like many writers, I started out writing fan fiction: romances involving me and Peter Jennings, which I passed around to my friends. They kept asking for more, I liked the attention and eventually moved on to other kinds of story writing. (Never did have that mad affair with Peter Jennings IRL, though. Sadness.)

What’s the biggest obstacle you had to overcome early in your career?

DL: My horrible singing voice. Oh, you mean WRITING career.The biggest obstacle I had to overcome was IT IS NOT EASY TO WRITE A NOVEL. But I tricked myself into thinking I was writing a short story that got longer and longer … and thats how I finished Boy Meets Boy, my first novel.

RC: My biggest obstacle may have been all the people insisting of course I could write, but getting published was probably an unrealizable dream. To which I responded by placing my hands over my ears and proclaiming BLAH BLAH BLAH until they stopped talking.Very mature, I know. But tuning out all the noise saying how hard it was proved my most effective tool for just getting that first novel finished.

What is your process when you start a new project?

DL: Goat sacrifice. Only, Im a vegetarian, so the goat is made of tofu.Then I just sit down and write.I am not an outliner by any stretch.

RC: I hate that he can just sit down and write. My process involves 90 percent procrastination (cleaning, eating, shopping, staring off into space) and 10 percent just finally sitting down and writing. Sometimes I outline before and sometimes I dont; every book is different. For me, character comes first, and I try to tap into that characters voice by just writing random scenes, and seeing if it clicks, and if I feel like theres more story to tell. Then theres more procrastination and then I finally write. In the time it took me to do this process, David has written and edited five new books.

What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever been given?

DL: A high school English teacher told me to forget about fiction and focus on writing essays, presumably for the rest of my writing life. But even from this bad advice came a good lesson: Sometimes proving someone wrong can be an excellent motivating force.

RC: Write what you know. Sure, try that. But dont limit yourself to that edict. Its OK to totally make stuff up that has nothing to do with anything you know.Spoiler alert: Its also kind of fun.

What’s the best writing advice you ever received?

DL: Dont be afraid to fail, because nobodys going to see a thing you write unless you decide to share it with them.

RC: A book signed to me by Ellen Gilchrist: Keep writing remember its just typing, and love.”

What’s the best utility tip for writers (apps to use, products, practical process tips)?

DL: I use this revolutionary program called Microsoft Word. Its SO MUCH EASIER THAN A TYPEWRITER!

RC: A typewriters not bad, either. Wait, you meant more recent technology?I use the Notes app on my iPhone to remember random ideas and pieces of story or dialogue for books Im working on.

What’s the best advice for collaborating with another writer?

DL:Go along for the ride. Dont try to control the story, but follow it where it goes. Try to make your co-author laugh as much as possible. Use collaboration as an excuse to try different things.And, most of all, have fun.

RC: Trust is key. Understand that you both have a shared interest in and love for your characters, and you need to trust that what the other person does with those characters is the right thing, even when its not the choice you would have made. Or ply your collaborator with enough sugar and flattery to make them believe that any changes you suggest are actually their idea.

Besides reading, what are good hobbies for a writer?

DL:I dont know if editing counts as a hobby … but putting your own words down for a while and focusing on someone elses can be helpful.

RC: Any kind of theater or live storytelling. Listening to audio books.Exercise even if its just walking around the block to combat too much time sitting hunkered down at a computer and also give your brain a rest.(And often the time away from the computer will allow your brain to answer the writing questions that might have been slowing you down anyway.)

BONUS: Someone designed a notebook that can last forever

Read more: http://on.mash.to/2jaYeLm

from David Levithan and Rachel Cohn’s writing advice to get you started in 2017

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