#upsetting situation but the friend i was talking abt first took this as me walking away from him or whatever ?? like bro ? you see this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

freeabortionslol · 3 years

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AN- heyy guys so this is abt the reader getting into a fight with her mom and having to stay at the Gallagher’s only to be comforted by carl (this was originally written on wattpad so the formatting is weird)

childhood friends to lovers

The cold air pressed on my face as tears rolled down my cheeks. At this point it was uncontrollable. Like when you don't want to be crying but the tears just flood your eyes until they've run out of space. I felt alone, scared, and anxious. I just thought back to what my mother said to me back at the house.

"You're a disgrace as a child! I wish you'd had never been born!" and then "Get out of my house, and never come back!"

My own mother who I had looked as a caring figure since I was born was calling me names like slut, whore, and cunt. She started drinking after my dad died when I was 7, and we started fighting when I was around 11.

I had a bag full of clothes not knowing what to do next. The only real place I had to stay was The Gallagher Residence.

I walked up their door and knocked.

"Hey Y/n!", Fi answered. She saw the tears in my eyes and her face turned into a frown. I had known the Gallagher's since my mom and I moved to the south side after my dad died. I befriended them, but my mom always had a problem with them. Carl was my age, but I was closer with Debbie.

"Y/n?"

"Fi, i'm so sorry to ask this because I know how much you already have to handle, but my mom kicked me out of the house, and I have no where else to go.", My voice was trembling as I tried not to sob while talking. I expected Fiona to say no, but instead she pulled me into a tight hug. It was the first time i'd been embraced in a very long time. It felt so nice.

"Of course you can stay. I know how tough it is to have parental issues. Carl's out for the night so you can sleep in his bed, and i'll figure out a sleeping situation tomorrow. Plus you can help me around the house."

Those words lifted my heart. I felt so loved and welcomed. I hugged Fiona tighter.

"Thank you so much.", I whispered

We walked into the house, and I put my stuff on Carl's bed. Even though I had a place to stay, I was still very upset about the situation. There's no way I was going to go back there without being strangled.

I went downstairs, and ate dinner with the Gallagher's. I told them about what happened. Debbie felt so bad for me because she was basically my best friend. It was hard to talk about considering I haven't even had time to really process it.

—time skip—

I put on a big white T shirt and a pair of exercise shorts to go to bed. I crawled into Carl's bed which felt surprisingly comforting. It smelled like his shampoo and cologne. I easily drifted off to sleep.

A little while later I woke up to the light turning on in the room.

"ah shi- carl??", there stood Carl who had just climbed through the window.

"SSSHHHH", he snapped at me. "You'll wake Ian and Liam. Wait, why are you in my bed?"

"I got kicked out of my house, and Fiona said you'd be out for the night, so I could take your bed."

"Y-you wanna talk about it?", he asked. I hadn't really had a chance to really vent. I just told the Gallagher's the story not so much in detail.

"Yeah. I actually really need to do that.", he sat down next to me on the bed, and took off his beanie to unveil his brown fluffy hair.

"The truth is, lately i've been pretty desperate. I would do anything to help with my mental health. I started craving affection and love, and the only way I could really do that was by sending pictures to guys."

"like 'pictures' pictures?", he asked and I nodded.

"When I went to take a shower my mom looked through my phone and saw the pictures. She also saw things like videos of me smoking and drinking at parties. So as soon as I got dressed she was waiting for me in the living room. Waiting to scream at me, and to let out her wrath that was building up. She called me slut, whore, cunt, a disgrace, a disappointment, and even a wanted abortion."

"Y/n that sounds horrible. I mean that's not normal for parents to treat their kids that way."

"Yeah, well apparently on the south side it's pretty normal. Anyways, then she told me to get out of her house and never come back and that i was 'through'"

Carl hugged me which made me realize that I had been crying the whole time I was telling him about it. His hugs were so warm and meaningful. He kissed me on my forehead and then got up to grab a blanket.

"Wait where are you going?", I asked him as he started walking out the door

"The couch. You can have my bed for the night."

"No wait-", he turned to look at me

"I really can't be alone tonight, a-and I know this is weird to ask, but can you please stay?"

"Of course i'll stay with you.", he took off his shirt and climbed into bed with me. "Goodnight. Love you.", he said turning off the light. "Night. Love you."

—time skip—

It was really hard to sleep with all of these thoughts running through my head. Like, why would she kick me out? That's my mother. My anxiety just kept getting worse, so I wrapped my arms around Carl and lay my head on his chest. He then put his arm around me.

"Carl?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't sleep.", I said, but not moving because I was so comfortable.

"Me neither."

"Yeah."

"Wanna go downstairs to get food, and watch tv?"

"Yeah that sounds nice.", we just kind of sat there for about 20 seconds.

"One of us has to get up first to do that."

"Then get up."

"Nooo i'm so comfy. You get up first."

"I don't wanna."

"Me neither, but if we don't get up we can't eat pancakes."

"You guys have pancakes?"

"Yeah.", I quickly bolted up and grabbed his hand. For some reason I was really craving pancakes.

We went downstairs and started cooking. We made a huge mess and had a lot of laughs. I had completely forgotten about my mom. When I was with Carl it felt like nothing else mattered. Like, there was nothing holding me down, and all my burdens were released. We put the pancakes in the pan and started cooking them.

"Hey Y/n"

"What's u-", I turned around to talk to him when he put pancake batter on my nose. His laugh was truly

contagious.

"Oh, you are so dead Gallagher!", I dipped my hand in the leftover batter and started chasing him around the kitchen. We both laughed as he ran away. Unfortunately, he made it to the other side of the kitchen and dipped his hand as well.

"No! No! N-", he put the batter across my face. He laughed at first, but then remembered I also had batter on my hand. And I ran that shit right through his hair.

"Aww cmon Y/n! That's too far!", he said laughing.

"That's too far? Huh?"

"Yep!"

"Huh?", I ran to charge at him but he flipped me the other way and picked me up.

"Put me down Carl!", I said laughing. He put me down then turned me around to face him. Our faces were so close. He put his hand on my waist as I looked up at him. I was staring right into his eyes, and our noses were touching. He slowly pulled me into a kiss by holding my bottom lip/chin. The kiss was soft and lasted for about 30 seconds. It was different from the other guys that i've kissed. It was tender yet passionate. It felt real like he wasn't just a warm mouth. We pulled back from each other.

"You're a really good kisser.", I said still staring at him

"Thanks."

"That was weird. I don't know why I said that.", my eyes were still locked with his.

"Y/n, I don't want to just be one of your fuck buddies, and I know you don't want that from anyone either. I want to love and care for you."

That's all I ever wanted to hear from anyone. Just knowing that someone cares about me made me want to keep going with my life, and that it wasn't completely over. Carl is someone that i've cared for for a very long time, but never thought i'd have a chance with.

"Carl, I-"

"I don't care if you don't feel the same way about me because I just need you to know that you deserve better. You don't deserve being cheated on, or just fucked for pleasure. Trust me, you deserve someone that will love you and comfort you."

"I may want that, but I definitely don't deserve it. I've done too much wrong in my life to end up with someone good. My life is literally paved out for me. I'm like every single teenage whore from the south side."

"Please don't say that about yourself. You listen to your mom too much, and you shouldn't believe her. You're nothing like her or anyone here. You have potential to do something great, and i-"

"GALLAGHERS!!", the door bursted open. uh oh, I thought to myself. Frank was known for causing destruction every place he went, and he had just ruined the one moment of my life that could've saved me from an endless stream of depression.

"I need a beer.", frank said while falling off the couch. I hated Frank with a passion. He ruined all of his kids lives; especially Fiona.

"You don't need a beer, you need to get the hell out of my house", Carl walked over to the couch as lip came down the stairs.

"Cmon Frank let's get your ass out of here.", Lip grabbed his arms and Carl grabbed his legs. By the time they got him out of the door, Frank was already passed out. They set him down in the snowy yard and walked back inside. I could feel the cold wind coming through the door as they locked it tight.

"Alright. I'm going up.", Lip said as he continued up the stairs. There we were again. Alone and in the silence of the living room.

"Carl, I want to be with you, and i'm sorry if this is bad timing because of Frank, but it's true."

He hugged me tighter than he has ever done before

“Please don’t leave. Stay here. It’s not safe to go back home. I’ll let you sleep in my bed and i’ll take the couch just please stay.” We were sobbing into each others arms at this point. We lay down together on the couch and fell asleep to the tv playing in the background.

#shameless #carl gallagher x reader #carl gallagher #gallagher #shameless imagines #oneshot #x reader #imagine #fanfic #shameless fanfiction #Spotify

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blxetsi · 3 years

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modern sasha braus dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!sasha braus x gn!reader

had to write something for my queen 😌✨

- she shares her food with you. I Dont Care She Does

- also since this is a modern au i dont think she would have such an obsession with food as she does in the canonverse (if we can even call it an obsession) i still think she would have a big appetite (and she'd be proud of it tf 😏🙏) but i just dont see her always being hungry as the fandom makes her out to be

- really likes to hold hands with you

- i think itd be really cute if she was studying to become a baker ?? maybe taking a culinary course at the university you two attend ?? maybe you somehow met there or through a friend

- i think she'd still be insecure about her accent (ig if this is au is set in america she'd be from the south 😐🤚) and would speak kind of like a robot to people she didn't know that well

- connie and jean ALWAYS bring out her accent tho,, like with them she can really be herself

- i think when you were starting to get to know her she would be speaking very formally, and youd take it like shes being kinda stand offish or like,, just doesnt wanna talk so youre thinking "okay maybe she doesnt wanna be friends 😁👍" and would back off

- now sasha's upset because you are so cool and unique and she just wants to know so much about you but youve been very distant lately ?? like did she do something wrong ??

- she tells connie, jean, marco, and niccolo one night and connie and jean are on the side of "find y/n and demand to know why their behavior has changed" while marco and niccolo are on the side of "respectfully dm y/n and ask why they havent been wanting to see sasha recently"

- sasha goes with the latter of the two and dms you after passing you in the dining hall, you two literally keep glancing at each other, texting while you sit with your respective friend groups

- after everything gets cleared up sasha is immediately inviting you to hang out with her crew, and even getting some of her other friends like eren, mikasa, and ymir and historia to come join too

- if she has all the people shes comfortable with there, itll be less scary talking with her accent !

- You Love It. You Think Its Adorable.

- you guys would definitely have a friends to lovers type relationship

- like friendly hugs turn into slightly longer hugs, and now sasha will constantly ask to sit next to you during movie nights

- loves to rest her head on your lap while she spreads across the couch

- i think you two would have your first kiss in niccolos apartment

- you two were sitting in his kitchen, with sasha munching on the leftover food he made that night for your get together

- his mom had called him so he decided to leave to go to his bedroom to answer it

- and slowly you guys just kind of,,,, leaned in 🙈✨

- it was slow and really romantic, kinda rough with the crumbs that were around sasha's lips but you didn't mind

- niccolo barged in and ruined the moment 😐🤚 good going pal 😁👍

- you two were so shocked that you two tried to leave

- ended up just walking down the road in silence like wtf i thought yall were trying to get away from each other 😭😭😭😭

- sasha ended up staying the night 🤩‼️

- NOT in a sexual way

- but in like a,,,, rue and jules kinda way where jules comes in through the window (but only sasha didnt come in through the window she came in the front door with you) and you two held each other and gave each other smooches for the rest of the night

- sasha woke up late and missed her morning classes 😐🤚 didnt even care and went back to sleep with you

- i think for the most part you get along well with her friend group

- youre definitely closer to connie, jean, niccolo, marco, and historia

- ymir teases you guys a lot and you cant tell if what she says is just jokes (it always is) or if shes completely serious

- eren, mikasa, armin, annie, along with reiner and bertholdt are more of aquantances to you, just because you dont see them as often as you do the others

- she has such a weird relationship with her english professor

- will literally complain how much work he gives his class and then the next day will gush about how great he his bc he gave her a granola bar for her effort in her assignment

- girl pick a script and stick to it 😐🤚

- has a collection of stuffies on her bed. i dont make the rules.

- anytime theres a carnival in town she drags EVERYONE there.

- you all agree to split up into groups so you can all check out what you want, but you always agree to meet up and eat funnel cake together 🥺

- sasha tries to get you to win her new stuffies

- if you cant do it, or just want some for yourself, shes calling connie and niccolo up PLEADING with them to come find you guys,

- then she claims theres been an ACCIDENT and that you two need help

- niccolo is zooming bc he cares abt his besties 😌✨

- connie texts jean and marco to come find you guys too 😭😭😭

- who gets a kick and a lecture for lying courtesy of niccolo ? sasha. but who also gets a bunch of stuffies won for her courtesy of niccolo ? sasha.

- for your anniversary i think she'd want to do something really fun with you

- she'd set up a pillow fort and have a bunch ot string lights and stuff, have all of her favourite stuffies (which are the ones she thinks of you when she sees) in there too.

- she has chips, she baked little pastries and cookies, and she ordered your favourite takeout

- you guys just watch whatever you want on netflix or whatever and its such a nice night

- it becomes a tradition for you guys, but you two always take turns with setup

- one year sasha did all of the planning, baking and whatnot ? okay now its your turn 😁👍

- you guys even started doing themes now 🤩

- if you guys play board games with your friends youre on sasha's side whether you want to be or not.

- shes also the kind of person that says "i can win fair and square !" but then when bertholdt starts kicking her ass in monopoly her script changes real quick 🙄

- now its "y/n,,, give me some of ur money" and "y/n, buy this property for me" like girl,,,, what happened to playing fair 😍⁉️

- will try and do all of those s/o pranks you see on tiktok

- its hard to get a genuine reaction out of you bc you can TELL SHES RECORDING but she tries anyways

- we love a perservering queen 😌✨

- will call you at random times of the day asking if you guys can see each other

- "y/n ??? are you there ??" "sasha its 2am wtf do you want 😐" "do you wanna ride your bike with me down to the park 🥺"

- also is very observant, knows when youre overworking yourself

- will try and pull you away from what youre working on like "lets go get you something to drink, or maybe we can watch an episode of that show you like before you continue working !"

- if youre persistent that you just HAVE to finish it tonight and cant stop and take a break she'll respect that, until you stay at your laptop for over an hour 😐

- just softly pulls you away like "no lovebug, lets get some sleep okay ?"

- is also very protective of you

- overheard someone making fun of you ?? talking shit ??? her besties better hold her back before she gets suspended 😤‼️

- and since connie and jean absolutely ADORE you, you better believe theyre helping their girl sasha out

- those three are the LEADERS of the "protect y/n club"

- it just becomes niccolo and marco trying to dissolve the situation before it gets physical, and then reiner and armin joining when they walk directly into the chaos

- armin tells you what happened and as much as youre thankful that sasha cares about you so much that she'd defend you like that, you lecture her, jean and connie on not making scenes like that again

- sasha's love language is kind of like,, a mixture of quality time and physical touch

- she just really loves spending time with you, but also very much enjoys being in your arms

- she doesnt shy away from it, and is usually the one to initiate those things

- will hold your hand PROUDLY down hallways or on streets

- always hypes you up too, shes very much so your personal hypeman

- "oh lovebug you look SO GOOD rn oh my god" "sasha pls im in my pyjamas" "and you look like a model baby !"

- sasha is very stubborn however, and if you guys ever fight she is NEVER the one to apologize first, or seek you out to talk about it

- even if shes in the wrong she cant bring herself to admit it, she dug herself into such a deep hole with the stance she took that she doesnt want to take the walk of shame in admitting that she wasnt right

- this can cause a lot of problems in your relationship, but after you explain how much it affects you, shes trying to change

- will always work on her stubborn-ness and pride

- and it actually makes her feel a lot better being able to admit defeat, or being wrong

- she really likes being communicative and honest, especially with you

- i think overall your relationship with sasha is very very fun, filled with good memories, good food, good friends, and most importantly, love.

no bc i really do love her 😐🤚 lemme marry miss braus rq 😏✨

hope u guys enjoyed !! remember requests are open so if you have anything youd like me to write DONT BE SHY ❤️‼️

#aot #aot imagines #attack on titan #attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan x reader #sasha braus #sasha blouse #sasha braus x reader #sasha blouse x rease #shingeki no kyoujin imagine #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #niccolo aot #connie springer #marco aot #jean aot

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seerofmike · 3 years

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The Writing In Apex Kinda Sucks And Also They Use Ship Bait As A Plot Device I Hate It Here

a stupid essay/rant encouraged by @zombiegloss that originally started as a youtube video script so if its like. weird at points. this was intended to be a verbal rant SNZISKSIA

basically i'm gonna talk abt the caustic-wattson-crypto relationship drama and how i think it was mishandled and how much the writers kind of Suck because i Can

you are free to disagree with me on any of my points and think that this aspect of the story was handled well, this is just my opinion, and i'd love to hear your thoughts and counterpoints !

first, addressing some things:

i know this is a battle royale and not necessarily a story-based game, so i can’t expect it to have masterful witcher-style writing.

but with the direction the game seems to be going; putting quests, evolving interactions, and comics in the game, plus coming out with a lore book and hinting at something bigger in the future, i think it’s fair to criticize it for lackluster writing, especially since what i’m criticizing has been something present since Apex’s story technically began.

secondly, i am not a professional writer. i’m a high schooler who writes as a hobby. i don’t have the decades of experience that some of the apex writers do, and i can’t claim to be a better writer than they are--but i also don’t have to be a five-star chef to realize that something tastes bad. when i critique something and give suggestions, i am not saying i could’ve done it better. i’m just bringing up what i think could have worked.

third, before i upset anyone , when i say a relationship is badly written, i’m not telling you that you can’t ship it or that your ship sucks. i’ll briefly touch on the shipping aspect of this and how it’s a detriment to the story but Ye

okay, so with that out of the way, let us Begin

relationships are often the emotional core of a story, and how strong your reaction is to conflict in these relationships depends on how the story sets them up. if you want the audience to care about these characters and what they go through, you need to develop them and establish the type of relationship they have well. it’s why so many people cried in the last episode of telltale’s the walking dead. you’ve spent roughly 12 hours bonding with clementine and protecting her, and your relationship with her is part of several story beats as well as character beats for lee.

when these two characters’ relationship reaches its peak at the end of the game, it’s powerful, and it’s emotional. you care. you feel something, and the fact that you have to choose what to do to lee only makes it more gut-wrenching.

now, the walking dead is entirely story-based and especially character-driven, so it may be unfair to compare it to apex, but i just wanted to lay the groundwork down for what i think is a strong relationship that makes you feel something when conflict arrives, in this case the conflict being lee getting bit and clementine having to decide his fate.

the broken ghost in general is kind of not-good sometimes, tom casiello previously wrote for soap operas and you can really, REALLY tell sometimes.

this story feels like it should’ve taken place a little later, and that we should’ve had a season to actually set up the characters and their relationships, but that’s a story for another day.

to put it bluntly, the set-up for the crypto, wattson, and caustic conflict is done poorly. for caustic and wattson's relationship it’s a little better, but not by much.

wattson and caustic having a relationship was hinted at in season 2, when her lore indicated that caustic was among one of the Legends who comforted her after her father died. In season four lore materials posted on Twitter, an email from Jacob Young states that Caustic is acting paternal towards Wattson. In season five, interactions get added to the Game, and this is the first time we actually see their relationship in action, as they have unique revive voice lines for each other. in the quests, when wattson is injured, caustic lashes out at loba and attacks her out of what seems to be anger at wattson’s current state.

Side Note this plot point was really stupid and done for cheap drama because she literally wakes up like two chapters later and they don’t even give her anything to say it’s just suddenly oh yeah crypto and wattson are working together. the same exact injury thing happens to octane later but nobody gIVES A SHIT because again, it’s just cheap soap opera drama.

their relationship might seem a little bit sudden for anyone who wasn’t on top of twitter lore drops, but like, it’s okay, i guess. i’ll give it the slightest credit for at least establishing something between the two in terms of voice lines and stuff, even if for some it might seem like it came out of nowhere.

what did come out of nowhere, though, was crypto and wattson’s friendship. in the quests, crypto and wattson are tasked with rebuilding the broken ghost because of their respective skills, and they’re seen talking in chapter six while they work on it. we’re not really given a clear timeline on how long the story in the broken ghost is, but i think it takes about a week, maybe.

unlike wattson and caustic, their relationship has been given absolutely zero material to work with before now, not even a passing glance in the trailers--which is a little weird considering crypto took down the repulsor tower and destroyed wattson’s home, but. Whatever.

tl dr of the chapter: crypto and wattson talk to each other while doing nerd shit, crypto laughs at wattson’s bad pun, and then suddenly they’re BESTIEEEES, until a couple dozen lines later in the same chapter. then they’re Not.

crypto’s drone gets hacked by revenant while everyone was kind of on edge after the reveal of a spy in their midst, he gets framed as the spy by caustic, anddddd wattson gets upset.

before i get into how dumb this storyline is, i’m gonna talk about the set-up to this conflict.

we have been given no reason to believe that these characters have ever talked to each other, and quite frankly, their friendship doesn’t really make sense.

ignoring the fact that crypto destroyed wattson’s home--which she probably doesn’t know about, so that’s forgiven for now--crypto is a paranoid guy. in the lore book he makes people stand on fucking footprints in his house so he can scan them for weapons and listening devices, and he apparently doesn’t stick around much after the games and nobody knows anything about him because he doesn’t talk to them.

a key part of crypto’s story is the fact that he is undercover and afraid of anyone finding out anything about him ever. him becoming friends with wattson kind of comes out of the blue, and we’re not even given a reason as to why they supposedly became close in the first place. i would kind of understand if like, maybe he draws parallels with her and mila in his mind and it makes him open up a little more, but that doesn’t happen. he just laughs at her joke and suddenly they’re friends.

maybe they’re trying to go for this ‘wattson can become friends with anybody’ angle, kind of hinted at with caustic but not really we’ll get into that, but that also? kind of doesn’t make sense since so many of her voice lines straight-up say she doesn’t understand people and electricity is more her thing, but honestly, she also does have those really friendly elements in her voice lines too, so its not as egregious as what they did with crypto.

their sudden out-of-the-blue friendship would’ve been fine if they spent a little more time fleshing it out, and giving us something to work with, but instead, the story immediately tries to rip it apart and frame it as this grand conflict where crypto is framed as the mole, crypto then accuses caustic, and wattson feels betrayed.

except it doesn’t really work, because we don’t give a shit. for several reasons.

one: crypto and wattson became friends and then ended their friendship in the same exact chapter. they did not speak to each other onscreen until this chapter began, you can read the entire quest on the wiki and see for yourself that their interactions up until that point were nonexistent aside from mentions in the narration that they were building something together.

the reason wattson feels betrayed is kind of stupid too. why does she really care that much if one of them betrayed loba? nobody else really cared about the fact that one of them was a spy, in fact, nobody even seems to like loba that much, and they just found out that loba’s been lying to them this whole time, and wattson was conscious for that conversation and had a speaking line, so she’s fully aware of the situation.

maybe it’s just like, the idea that one of them lied, but that’s still kind of a weak reason.

this entire betrayal thing is just dumb, and it gets even worse when you realize that there could have been an actual legitimate reason for wattson to feel betrayed by crypto--even if it still would’ve come across as weak conflict because of their newly established friendship, it would’ve made more sense than this.

Crypto destroyed Wattson’s home. He took down the tower and then all the flyers and stuff invaded Kings Canyon and made it their bitch. Not only that, but Wattson considers the Syndicate her family. The Syndicate are the very people who framed Crypto for murder and he’s trying to take them down.

They could’ve set up actual conflict with these things, and it almost seemed like they would, because Caustic briefly brings up that Crypto could be working with Revenant because he has something against the Syndicate but then that doesn’t really go anywhere and we’re just back to Wattson feeling betrayed because either Crypto or Caustic was a spy and she doesn’t know who.

Weak conflict could’ve been made better by a strong relationship and a weak relationship could’ve still been interesting with strong conflict, but both the relationship between Crypto and Wattson and the conflict that drives them splitting up as friends were really weak and didn’t make much sense.

It would’ve been ten times more interesting if Wattson found out Crypto ruined her home, the arena she grew up in, and was now participating in the Games to take out the people she regards as her family. That’s where her distrust could’ve manifested and conflict could’ve began, but instead it was the stupid betraying loba thing. why do you care. you just started talking to this guy like 2 hours ago.

also caustic’s whole reason for framing crypto feels stupid as fuck. he didn’t just frame crypto randomly, he framed him specifically because he doesn't want him to influence wattsob because he likes her Big Brain, but this is the FIRST time we have seen those two interact.

what influence is he talking about? wraith and wattson have been shown to be friendly with each other in the trailers, according to tom’s tweets, and in the story too so why doesn’t he frame her? at this point the audience had slightly more build-up for those two’s relationship than crypto and wattson and a betrayal storyline would’ve felt a little more deserved if still weak.

this is the point where i briefly want to touch upon shipping, and the fact that part of this conflict feels driven by shipbait.

aside from their relationship coming out of nowhere and the writers trying to make the stakes seem high and deeply emotional to the characters involved (despite this essentially being the first time they’ve ever interacted) tom casiello literally addresses shippers in a tweet regarding chapter seven, and as the story between these characters progresses, it becomes clear to me, at least that the crypto-wattson thing is just bait for shippers, and it’s lazy.

it’s easy to get away with giving your characters little to no relationship development if you’re just counting on shippers to do the heavy mental lifting for you

why should i put any effort into making this relationship seem believable? people are going to see a young guy and a young girl having bare minimum interaction and assume there’s romantic interest! then i don’t have to do any work, see look, it’s a ready-made relationship wrapped in a bow for me! all that’s left for me to do is give them conflict so i can keep teasing shippers with lines like ‘you never deserved her’!

i think it’s reasonable for me to suspect shipbait, since tom casiello likes doing darksparks shipbait on twitter, and i’m like, eighty percent sure mirage and bloodhound suddenly being childhood friends in the book is shipbait too, because these characters were the number one ship in apex for a long time despite little to no interaction, and then all of a sudden in the lore book they’re childhood friends despite this literally never being mentioned before?

like bloodhound is set up to be mysterious and nobody knows what they look like, or where they’re from, or who their family is--except for mirage Apparently, who played with them when he was a kid on their home planet, and has seen them with their mask off, because bloodhound did not wear a mask when their parents were still alive.

its weird.

i’m pretty sure they’ve said somewhere they were working on this book before apex even came out, so i could just be completely wrong and they always planned for mirage and bloodhound to know each other, but if that’s the case, why did they never mention it like they did octane and lifeline?

i refuse to believe MIRAGE never brought it up either like ‘heeeeyy bloodhound remember when we used to throw eggs at our parents lab haha wanna go do to that to bangalore’s room’

[silence]

‘good talk buddy’

ANYWAYS I GOT OFF TOPIC. POINT IS, shipping is a detriment to the story because the writers don’t feel like they actually have to put any work into establishing or developing the relationship between characters when they know the community’s just going to do it for them anyways, and that they can put in shipbait and it’s fine and it makes sense when it really doesn’t.

imagine watching captain america civil war after not seeing a single other marvel movie.

why would you care about the avengers splitting up or tony and steve butting heads or steve’s commitment to bucky? you wouldn’t care, at least not as much as someone who’s seen all the movies and knows the relationship between the characters and why the sokovia accords exist in the first place. you don’t have context and you don’t have any reason to be emotionally invested in these characters’ relationship.

this feels like that. the writers tried to squeeze this relationship and stuff into a single chapter and we don’t fucking care unless we were already invested in the idea of their relationship (shippers) because we barely spent any time with it.

so to summarize this little section, the set-up of this storyline Kinda Sucks! crypto and wattson barely seem to know each other, because we the audience barely saw them together and the writers are relying on shipbait in place of a relationship.

wattson and caustic are a little better but not great, but the conflict is stupid and it only gets stupider.

moving onto summarizing the rest of the broken ghost, gibraltar and caustic talk, caustic LITERALLY confesses to being the mole and says he framed crypto so he couldn’t corrupt wattson and to appear innocent because his identity was suspected, then that wraps up the season storyline.

season six begins with new voice lines, where wattson has had enough of crypto and caustic’s shit and is all passive-aggressive and going ‘this doesn’t change anything’. she has to decide who to trust, and how to figure out The Truth for herself because she’s not a little girl anymore. crypto and caustic are both trying to convince her they’re innocent and it creates some interesting conflict.

just kidding. it’s terrible conflict. you want to know why?

BECAUSE GIBRALTAR TRIED TO TELL HER THE TRUTH, RIGHT AFTER THE SEASON 5 QUEST HAPPENED, AND SHE LITERALLY REFUSED TO HEAR IT.

LIKE THERE’S A SEASON 6 LOADING SCREEN WHERE HE’S TELLING EVERYONE THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, AND WHEN HE GETS TO WATTSON AND IS LIKE HEY I KNOW WHO THE MOLE WAS AND WHY THEY DID IT, SHE JUST GOES i dont wanna hear it. i need to think

IF YOU WANT THE TRUTH WHY ARE YOU REFUSING TO HEAR IT

SHE SPENDS ALMOST TWO ENTIRE SEASONS MAD AT CRYPTO FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN’T DO BECAUSE SHE TOLD GIBRALTAR TO FUCK OFF WHEN HE TRIED TO TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED

ITS SO DUMB

i think it was towards the end of season 6 or the beginning of season 7 where apex posted this picture of wattson asleep at her desk where she has a letter from gibraltar on it that looks like it tells her the truth, so she knows now, she knows what happened, but NOW her issue is the fact that she doesn’t know anything about crypto.

WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT IS YOUR GODDAMN DAMAGE. YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT BLOODHOUND EITHER ARE YOU THIS UPSET WITH BLOODHOUND TOO?? HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO PATHFINDER. DO YOU HATE PATHFINDER TOO

oh but she was friends with crypto and now she’s mad that he lied to her EXCEPT THEIR RELATIONSHIP WASN’T BUILT UP WELL SO IT JUST FEELS STUPID. THEY SPENT LONGER BEING NOT-FRIENDS THAN THEY SPENT BEING FRIENDS. THEY BECAME FRIENDS IN ONE CHAPTER AND THEN IMMEDIATELY AT THE END OF THAT CHAPTER THEIR FRIENDSHIP ENDED AND THEN WATTSON SPENT LIKE 2 SEASONS MAD AT HIM FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN’T DO .

AND THE WRITERS TRIED TO RECTIFY THIS BY SAYING OH SHE’S NOT MAD ABOUT THE TRAITOR THING SHE’S MAD BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM AND IT’S LIKE WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT MAKE THAT CLEAR WHY DOES SHE SAY ‘IT DOESN’T CHANGE WHAT YOU DID’ IN HER VOICE LINES WHY DOES SHE CALL HIM A TRAITOR IF HER CONFLICT WAS HER NOT KNOWING MUCH ABOUT HIM . WHAT DID HE DO.

HE JUST STOOD THERE AND LAUGHED AT HER JOKE AND THEN HE GOT FRAMED AND THEN THAT WAS THE END OF THE CHAPTER AND NOW SHES SUDDENLY LIKE IM ACTUALLY MAD BECAUSE YOURE A LIAR AND I CANT TRUST YOU EVEN THOUGH I NOW KNOW YOU WERE FRAMED I STILL DO NOT LIKE YOU AND HES LIKE YEAH THATS MY FAULT

The Caustic voicelines are stupid too, again his reason for framing Crypto was stupid and a lot of his voicelines just seem to be that shipbait thing again but like from the angle of overprotective dad who doesn’t like the new boyfriend. it’s stupid but not as egeregious as this next part which is

crypto telling wattson his identity.

CRYPTO was framed for MURDER and is paranoid and can’t trust anyone and doesn’t talk to anyone and the last time he did talk to someone he got framed for Another thing and the person he was talking to turned her back on him and actively refused to know the truth for like 2 seasons and then he went This Is Fine I Can Tell Her My Identity

the stupidest update to this storyline was crypto telling wattson the truth

why did they do it on the dropship where there are presumably syndicate members and other legends around.

why didn’t he scan wattson for listening devices like he did for pathfinder in the book.

why is he telling her his identity when he knows she has very close ties to the people that FRAMED HIM for MURDER. Does he trust her that much? WHY? They spoke to each other in a chapter and then spent two seasons not talking to each other beyond passive-aggressive BS. why are you so fucking stupid taejoon

their relationship was so poorly set-up that even if the writers maybe intended for them to come across as close friends who had spent weeks bonding, it really feels like they became friends in a single conversation, had a falling out, and now crypto suddenly trusts her with his identity after an undetermined amount of time because he wants to be friends again.

that does not make SENSE this conflict feels contrived AS FUCK and the resolution feels even worse and unearned UGGGHHHH

it honestly comes across as crypto feeling desperate for friendship, and maybe this would’ve worked better if that’s the angle they played it as.

he’s been alone for roughly two years, and just wants a friend, and he’s honestly so lonely he just breaks down to the first person who’s really talked to him. it could’ve been an interesting little part of his character, and they could've gone into depth about how much this situation has affected him, but that’s not what they’re doing. he’s still paranoid and anxious and doesn’t trust anyone, except for wattson, because the plot needs him to or else there won’t be any stupid soap opera drama.

and to rub salt in the wound, wattson’s new voice lines with caustic have him telling her that she forgave crypto.

WHAT ARE YOU FORGIVING HIM FOR. ARE YOU FORGIVING HIM FOR BEING FRAMED? WHY DID HE HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE WHO REFUSED TO HEAR THE TRUTH?

did the conversation just go hey my real name is taejoon park and something bad happened to me and she went aight i forgive you WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

Caustic’s new voice lines to Crypto where he’s like ‘what did you tell her’--YOU TOLD GIBRALTAR STRAIGHT-UP YOUR EVIL MASTER PLAN LIKE A SUPERVILLAIN AND NOW YOU’RE SURPRISED WATTSON AND CRYPTO ARE ON GOOD TERMS NOW?!

THAT’S LIKE TELLING SOMEONE YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND THEN BEING SURPRISED WHEN YOU BECOME THE VICTIM OF IDENTITY FRAUD. YOU SET YOURSELF UP FOR THIS WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE CRYPTO DID SOMETHING SINISTER OR LIED OR WHATEVER. WHAT THE FUCK. WHY DO YOU HAVE LIKE 3 BRAINCELLS

this is at like ten pages already so i’m going to just try and wrap this up quickly.

it’s frustrating seeing this storyline play out when there are actually good relationships and storylines written into apex. i’m kind of getting tired of the loba and revenant conflict, but we at least had set-up to it in the form of a few animated shorts and it doesn’t play out as stupidly as this story does. bangalore and loba’s friendship is actually developed well, even if the point between the end of season 5 and season 6 where they suddenly talk like each other feels like it could’ve used a little more.

where crypto and wattson having an established friendship in the broken ghost failed, lifeline and octane’s established friendship works because we’ve been told since octane’s release they were childhood friends and given lore materials that indicate they’ve known each other for a very long time.

apex wants this storyline between crypto and wattson and caustic to feel dramatic and tense and ultimately rewarding when crypto and wattson did become friends for real and stuff, but instead it just comes across as hollow and empty.

there’s nothing there. it’s a case of tell, don’t show, and it looks like this stupid conflict is gonna keep going for another couple of seasons at this rate.

side note: this entire script was written before the new twitter comics

please tell me ur thoughts and feel free to respond with ur own lil essay

also believe it or not this is not the "shipping is a detriment to apex's story" essay i was gonna write this is a completely different essay that has some overlap SKXISOSOW

#apex legends #apex critical #crypto #wattson

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selfcareparker · 3 years

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LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

#lovely anon #<333 #okay its so late now i dont wanna post it now in case i‘m too tired to notice losds of mistakes #but i also wanna post it now so.#*loads #i‘m posting it #and i absolutely do not mind if you answer like this!!!! but if you ever do feel like it‘s too much or you uust want to respond to one thing #in particular sooner then pls go ahead! <3

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mccarricks · 3 years

Photo

( brittany o’grady / demi woman ) WESLEY McCARRICK is 23 years old and is a SENIOR at thales university. SHE is majoring in FILM and is known for being THE MAVERICK as THEY can be HUMOROUS and OPEN-MINDED as well as DITZY and IMPULSIVE. every time i see HER/THEM, THEY remind me of PURPLE SKY IN THE DESERT, SKATING AS FAST AS YOU CAN TO FEEL THE WIND ON YOU, A JOKE TOLD WITH A TOOTHY GRIN.

hero’s back w character no. 2 and yet......

full name: wesley ‘wes’ elaine mccarrick

birthdate: february 2, 1997

age: 23

gender: demi woman

pronouns: she/her/they/them

zodiac: aquarius

nationality: american

ethnicity: black (louisiana creole) and white (irish)

hometown: santa fe, nm

languages: english, intermediate spanish

family:

theodore mccarrick, father

elaine barlow, mother

ruby mccarrick, older brother

delphine mccarrick, older sister

sherri barlow, maternal grandmother

many cousins

orientation: bisexual biromantic, pref. towards women/nb people but will date men

religion: agnostic

height: 5 ft 4 in

distinguishing features: eyebrows, hair, lips

character inspo: ilana wexler (broad city), harley quinn (dc comics), phoebe buffay (friends), prob more

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

TRIGGERS: divorce, mentions of crime, drug and alcohol use

the youngest child of ted and elaine mccarrick, wes was a kid who is full of life. she’s the kind of kid who did things to make you smile, and it usually worked. she was warm and inviting, a little naive, but she had a strong support system.

her parents divorce when she’s six, she doesn’t quite understand it but her dad moves out, and her grandma and multiple cousins move in. it’s a lively household, between her mom, who works as a nurse, and her siblings, and her cousins, it was never really quiet and there was never a lot of room.

despite the split, her parents maintain that their children have a relationship with both of them, and truthfully, wes is a daddy’s girl. she and her dad were cut from the same cloth, happy go lucky, fun loving, a bit silly, he’s the one who introduces her to movies. it’s their thing, watching and critiquing them together, and it’s not whatever is in theatres either. they went for all times of filmmaking, new wave, surrealist, and more.

it really stuck with wes, who herself had begun making movies, mostly horror/fantasy/scifi stuff with her friends-- she writes and directs and occasionally, she’ll don a costume and star in them. they’re silly little things, but her family always sat down for her “premieres.”

her formative years are marked with plenty of things, sports, deaths of distant family members, a cousin or two who gets caught in the wrong crowd and ends up in jail, and throughout this, wes remains a rock for her family.

she’s in high school, and she gets into the eclectic crowd, the outcasts, the weirdos, the ones who smoked under the bridge, and partied out in an abandoned trailer near the desert. these freaks were her freaks. they accepted her with open arms, as she them.

she chooses thales because she always wants to see the east coast, and frankly, as much as she loves her family, she wants to be free of them. and they have a fantastic film program. so!

she meets steven in their first film class together, and they’re fast friends, despite her usual weariness of YET another film bro, steven proves to be a good egg. so she thinks. she finds out through him talking that he might not be the most faithful to his girlfriend, and as much as she doesn’t like meddling, she thinks it’s only right to let clarissa, who she doesn’t really know well, know. however, before there’s a chance, everything happens-- now she’s stuck wondering if she should reveal the truth, or let sleeping dogs lie.

nana is different, nana and her dated her sophomore year, nana’s freshman year. it wasn’t serious. but they were fond of each other. they eventually break up, but they stay friendly, waving to each other in the halls, chatting at parties.

both the disappearance and the murder is weird for wes, who by all accounts, isn’t great at dealing with bad shit. she prefers to laugh about things. laugh about everything. because if she doesn’t laugh, she’ll cry.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

wes is a mess, a free-spirit, a walking contradiction. she’s very independent minded, the kind of person who does things without thinking so much about the consequences, this leads her into trouble sometimes. like nicking something from a convenience store, or stealing a stop sign as a prank. she’s definitely the kind to goof off and not exactly dedicate her full attention to something. and while she’s in genuinely good spirits on most occasions, she has a staunch ‘no asshole’ policy. the type to defend the underdogs, and go after bullies. she’ll punch you with a smile on her face, and yet it ends up being more unnerving than you realize. she’s a bit of a ditz, as well, never the best at school, but can talk your ear off about the going ons of the world. she’s a lovable dumbass, for sure, and loyal to a tee once you get her as a friend.

𝐓𝐈𝐃𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒

horror movie fan! her favorites are some of the oldies, like dracula and the bride of frankenstein! and some new ones! big fan of jordan peele’s work, as well as ari aster’s! but mostly really advocates for women directors and directors of color!

also does roller derby! she picked this up her first year at thales and fell in love with it, i can’t think of a name for her yet, but she’s a blocker, won’t hesitate to elbow some dick at the bar

kinda a tomboy? she’s always been! she’s rough and tumble and not afraid to get down and dirty with someone, i.e. will join those football games on the quad or crawl through the mud for a scene to shoot

doesn’t know if she wants to be a director/writer or a cinematographer honestly.... she loves the technical aspects of film as much as the making the stories

definition of a bruh girl, says it a whole lot, but also just if you tell her you love her, she’ll just roll her eyes and be like you’re an idiot (which means she loves you too) she’ll be affectionate if she’s close to you

kinda a wh*re oops....... texts multiple girls at a time and doesn’t want to hurt any of their feelings she doesn’t know how she keeps ending up in these situations... also a bisexual disaster

a stoner as well..... always has a massive jar of weed

unclear whether she lives on campus or off campus but if she does live off campus she has a pet turtle named elsa lanchester after the bride of frankenstein actress

a drummer! she’s in a band (name tbd) she started drumming at a young age and found it was a good way to manage her aggression

doesn’t really do well with emotions, so she’ll either be like there, there, or try to make jokes.... she really said kids can you lighten up

walking meme... such a walking meme... doesn’t know so many things she’s like a cute puppy with no thoughts head empty but she’s so fun to be around

life of the party.... nana she came fr ur spot and she took it and she’s not sorry but she does miss u a lot

doesn’t rly feel like she’s allowed to be upset anyways bc some people have it...... way worse.... can u say Imposter syndrome

kind of an enabler...... will be that person to push u to try things but not in a peer pressurey way, more like if u are unsure abt sending a text she says do it

wears fun earrings and socks! think lollipops or gummy bears or found objects like she collects that shit it’s her lifeline

boxes! she’s been boxing since she was abt 12, courtesy of her older brother (who is now a doctor thx ruby) and it’s a good way to exercise and release stress

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

best friend -- two of a feather, cut from the same cloth, or complete opposites it doesnt matter to her (the abbi to her ilana)

roller derby friends -- she’s p close to the team, margs on her

makeup artist pal -- i think it would be neat fr someone to try and teach her makeup whether its normal or sfx bc she wants to look like a monster or smthn

she’s gullible, u take advantage of that -- u just tell her lies p much and she’s like yeah ok that sounds right

party friends

classmates

fwbs (f/m/nb) -- tbh she might have one or two of these but they literally are the def of pals who bone sometimes... like v good abt being like you good? u dont want more? cool me too

exes (f/m/nb) -- mostly dated women or nb people but def cld have had a guy

she smokes you out -- p much the only reason u hang out w her is bc she has good weed

someone she’s fought -- like fully decked in the face, prob said something that rubbed her the wrong way and it just devolved from there

people who dislike her -- she could definitely be seen as annoying bc shes loud and dorky and funny so ??

breaks someone out of their shell -- p self explanatory, pushes them to have fun, w everything happening shes rly like lifes too short to not take the opportunities around u

cousins! probably on her dad’s side! i figure she has some east coast fam

anything? truly?

#pyrrhic.intro #intro.#divorce tw #crime mention #drug use tw #alcohol use tw #i pulled this out of my ass

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imaginefan · 4 years

Text

I’ll Fix It

Geralt Of Rivia X Reader

Word Count: 752

Requested: Anon

Request: Could we have an imagine abt the witcher’s love interest getting tortured in front of him ? I feel like Geralt isn’t a guy to cry at all, so to see someone not that emotional lose his temper but not cry can be interesting

You and Geralt had been travelling together for a long time, you were a skilled fighter and at first, you were just an asset but slowly you became something more to Geralt and it became more about never losing sight of you rather than using you to get his reward. Geralt didn't know how he did it but he seemed to attract those who wanted adventure and while he wanted nothing to do with Jaskier you encouraged the bard to follow, in not for anything other than better conversation however Jaskier managed to get you into some very sticky situation because of the amount of time he liked to spend in married women's bed.

You were sitting in the tavern with Jaskier when the man walked over "You! You're the one." The man said as he pointed at the bard next to you. "Pointing is rude." You muttered as you looked up at the man. "No one was talking to you woman." He dismissed you and you looked at him and smirked as you stood up drawing your sword and placing it at his neck. "And yet I'm the one that holds the knife to your neck." You smirked, he glared at you and you rolled your eyes. "Maybe we should just leave," Jaskier suggested. "Is that what you want?" You asked as you looked at the door to check that Geralt hadn't walked in. "Yes let's just go." He said and you nodded as you stepped back. "Watch your back little girl, we'll come for you." They warned. "I'll be waiting." You winked before you left with Jaskier.

Now they didn't actually come for you until you left the town, they jumped us, but they seemed to have done their research because they weren't surprised that you were travelling with a Witcher and the moment that they grabbed you Geralt stopped moving. "(Y/N) what is going on?" He asked. "They picked a fight in the tavern and they weren't very good at it." You explained and you looked at the man standing in front of you. "This one had my knife at his neck." He crouched in front of you and slapped you across the face, you smirked as you looked at him and smirked. "I should have killed you." You threatened. "And now I'll kill you." He smirked, "only after I've made your Witcher bodyguard and your cheating boyfriend suffer." "Jaskier is not my boyfriend." You started and he punched you in the face, you spat the blood out before your eyes moved to Geralt who was now restrained and glaring over at Jaskier, he jerked forwards but the men had a good hold on him, you, however, were slowly cutting the ropes that were holding your wrists together. "I didn't say that you can talk." The man smirked and you looked at him and rolled your eyes. "What do you want?" You asked. "Do you know what happened after he took my wife from me?" He asked. "You mean after your wife left you?" You asked and that earned a foot to your stomach. "Wow, that was aggressive." "I lost everything!" He informed you and you rolled your eyes. "Look I'm sorry that my friend can't keep it in his pants but um this has nothing to do with me. He doesn't have a girlfriend and for good reason to." You explained and the man waited and smirked. "He has commitment issues." Your hands were finally free "not that this wasn't fun but I'll be leaving now." You moved forward headbutting the guy and knocking him out, you threw a knife into the shoulder one of the men that were holding Geralt and you turned to see that the man that was holding Jaskier was actually halfway back to the village already. "Loyal men you got here." You looked back to see that the man was face first in the dirt. "Should we just leave them here?" "Hmm." Geralt hummed as he walked overturning your face to inspect the damage before attempting to lift your shirt. "I think we should probably get somewhere safe before you try undressing me." You suggested. "Get on the horse." He ordered. "I can walk." You argued. "Horse." He said again as he walked over to one of the bodies and pulled your knife out of the body. "I think he might be upset with us," Jaskier whispered. "Don't worry I'll fix it." You winked before climbing onto Roach as Geralt had asked.

Requests and general question!

#the witcher #the witcher imagine #the witcher one shot #geralt of rivia #geralt of rivia oneshot #geralt of rivia imagine #imagine #oneshot #one shot #reader insert

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bts-fantasy · 5 years

Text

Liar Pt. 6

Pairing: Taehyung(Jungkook)x Reader

Genre: Angst

Previous — Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You tossed your phone on your bed groaning as you heard Jungkook‘s voice mail for the tenth time already. What was this kid doing, you asked yourself as you strolled down to your kitchen to get something to eat. You were wearing Jungkook‘s hoodie, the one he never asked to get back ever since that day he pulled it over your head because you were freezing. You smiled to yourself the fabric still smelled strongly like your best friend and it made you miss him even more.

He had been distant lately always telling you that he was busy preparing for his basketball games or studying for your finals which was odd since you usually had to force him to sit down with you to study. You could feel deep down that something had changed but you didn‘t want to admit it to yourself telling yourself that you were only overthinking things again. Even if he backed out of every suggestion you made to spend time with him you didn‘t want to stop asking him anyway. But he didn‘t even pick up his phone and it was bothering you too much even making you grow angrier and angrier with time. The thought of him lying to avoid you became louder and louder inside of your mind making you turn around abruptly to pick your phone up to call him one last time.

„Hello, this is Jungkook speaking. Unfortunately, I can‘t pick up right now but don‘t worry. Just leave a message after the tone... *Peeeep*.“

You ended the call with a scoff switching over to Instagram to distract yourself from the mess of thoughts that were swirling in your head. However, it only made it even worse then as you were scrolling through the posts you saw your best friend posing for a photo with another girl.

You blankly stared at the photo as you heard Jungkook‘s voice inside of your head telling you how he had to stay at home yesterday evening since he had a lot of reading to do for your classes next week.

Why did he lie to you?

You felt betrayed and sad that he really was avoiding you after all and that you weren‘t just being dramatic. It hurt you so much that you felt tears burning behind your eyes but as much as you wanted to hold them back they automatically made their way down your cheeks falling down on your soft carpet.

Your mind was racing with reasons he might be mad at you. Maybe you‘d said something that upset him or did something bad without realizing it but you couldn‘t come up with anything that would cause this void. You’d had several fights in the past but none of them had ever gone this far that he actually lied to your face. You would just make up in a day or two because you couldn‘t go a day without talking to each other.

The tears were now flowing freely as you stared down at the post when suddenly you heard someone ring your doorbell.

Wiping your tears quickly you ran to the door hoping to see Jungkook standing there with a good explanation for what was going on with him. Without looking through the peephole you ripped the door open only to stop dead in your tracks.

It wasn‘t Jungkook standing in front of you, it was the last person you‘d expected to show up at your door on a Saturday afternoon.

Taehyung looked up at you with wide eyes as if he had accidentally rung the bell. He examined your face noticing the traces of tears on your cheeks and your puffy eyes as you tried to look away so he wouldn‘t see it.

„Are you okay, Y/N?“, his deep voice sounded soothing as his eyes were fixed on you calmly but he noticed every little detail feeling his chest tightening at the sight.

You sniffed nodding only wanting to retreat yourself back into your loneliness and self-pity.

„What do you want Taehyung?“

Taehyung was suddenly reminded of the initial aim of his visit and immediately turned into a nervous mess. He had never done something like this before and it made him feel uncomfortable in his skin.

„Can we talk?“

You looked up at him suddenly raising your brows not quite understanding the situation you were in. Taehyung looked at you with pleading eyes as you contemplated whether you were ready to let him inside of your apartment or not. Scenes from your past with him playing in front of your eyes making you cringe and get angry again. You were about to say no when he took a step closer to you.

„Please... just listen to me one last time.“

The desperation in his voice was new to you and even the way he was looking at you made you realize that he was serious about it and it made you hesitate.

With a deep sigh, already thinking about how you were going to regret it later, you opened the door for him to pass you by and walk into your apartment.

„Make it quick, I‘m not in the mood to play games right now“, you let him know in tense tones closing the door behind you. You watched Taehyung nod in agreement his clenched jaw indicating that he was in fact still very tensed and nervous.

Was this all just an act again?

You asked yourself in fear of being fooled again as you sat down next to him on your couch. He kept looking at his hands and the room was filled with an almost unbearable silence that was slowly driving you crazy.

Finally, he took a deep breath before turning around to face you. His big eyes were staring right at you asking for your approval to talk but you just raised your brows expectantly.

„I‘m here... because I want to apologize.“

Taehyung felt a big relief after letting those words out so he kept talking more confidently this time.

„Y/N, I‘m sorry for the way I treated you. I‘m sorry for lying to you and hurting you. I know I‘m an asshole who doesn‘t deserve your forgiveness but I have to at least let you know that I feel terrible for what I did to you and I fully regret my decisions. I will no longer bother you but I do hope that one day you will forgive me. I am sorry.“

He whispered the last three words and only then you realized that you‘d started crying once again. You were emotionally so done with everything that you couldn‘t hold it in anymore. You felt the world crumbling around you and you were so lost about literally everything that you had no idea what you should do. You couldn‘t distinguish right from wrong so you kept on crying without saying a word.

Taehyung couldn‘t just sit there and watch you cry. He‘d never seen you in such a state and it made him feel so helpless so he did what came first into his mind. Moving closer to you he carefully put his arms around you scared you might push him away but you were too broken to care and his embrace did nothing but feel safe and protected. He tightened his grip around you pulling you closer to his chest as he whispered soothing words into your ear to calm you down again.

You both stayed like this for a while even after you‘d stopped crying. The fabric of his blue shirt was drenched with your tears but he didn‘t seem to care as he caressed your back sending goosebumps all over your skin.

Suddenly you heard your phone ring as the screen lit up showing you the name of the caller.

It was Jungkook.

A/N: what on earth is going onnn?! I don‘t know either let‘s just hope for the best.😖 Are you on Team Kookie or Team Tae?

Also thank you all for 500 followers! I can‘t believe so many people like my blog, it‘s crazy!😭I‘m thinking abt a fun way to celebrate it we‘ll see how that turns out👀👌🏽

Tags: @tahaing @tangledsparkles @apurpledheart

Masterlist

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supernovaspidey · 5 years

Text

I feel safer in your arms

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: You have been MIA for over a week, and Peter and Ned are trying to figure out what they did that could possibly make you ignore them for so long. It took one party at Flash’s place and an inconvenient Brad Davis to make you finally go off.

Author’s note: hey, guys. It took a lot for me to post this, the main plot is based on a personal experience I’ve been through, and I decided to write about it as a way of dealing with the shitty situation. I tried to make the emotions as realistic as possible, in order to express my feelings, but I’m not exactly a great writer and English is not my mother language, so please be patient with me if I’ve made some mistakes throughout the story. Make sure to tell me what you thought about the story, it would make me really happy. Also, if any of you have been through a similar experience and want to talk, hit me up, I’m sure we can help each other, I certainly do need some help lmao

Dedicated to: my favorite blogs! @infamous-webhead @justauthoring @userspidey @imnotobsessedwithhim @tomhreads @peterjonesparker @soulspideys@spideyxchelle (I know some of you might be weirded out because I have never interacted with you but i am in love with your blogs, i’m just rly shy, anyways hope you enjoy xo) and @lousimusician (U R THE BEST OMG as I said in your ask previously I am in love with your blog and your work fuckkkkkk, you are awesome and rly sweet ❤️)

Warnings: angst, mentions of harassment, slight PTSD, slight swearing, fluff (I SWEAR!!!), Peter Parker being the clueless human being on Earth, but also the cutest, protective!Peter, Ned is just a sweetheart I love him

Word count: 2961

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Dude, what’s going on? Did you two have a fight or something? Because if you did, I swear to God I’ll…

- Ned! Stop freaking out on me, man. You are making me worse than I already am. And no, we didn’t have a fight or anything like that. I honestly don’t know what’s going on. – Peter was clearly hurt and worried.

- Sorry, it’s just that… it’s been a week. I miss her. I wonder what you did wrong this time. – Ned looked really judgmental and Peter wasn’t having it.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Come on, dude. You may be her best friend but she clearly has a thing for you and every time she gets somewhat flirty, your oblivious self, despite being completely obsessed with her as well, always screw things up and she gets mad, so… what did you do this time?

- She doesn’t… have a thing for me. – Peter’s cheeks started getting red with the suggestion.

- Whatever helps you sleep at night. And that’s not the point! What. Did. You. Do?

- Nothing, I swear! One night we were fine texting each other and then… She just isolated everyone. She’s been ignoring me since then but I promise I didn’t do anything wrong, I even checked our conversation. Here! – Peter grabbed his phone so fast it almost fell, unblocked it, and clicked on your contact, he didn’t think it was right to show Ned your conversation but the need to prove his innocence was stronger.

(y/n): “wassup, arachnid?”

(Peter): “(y/n) could u pls come up with a better nickname? That one’s awful :(“

(y/n): “i’m working on it, but until I find the perfect one u’ll just have to get used to this mediocre-quality one lol”

You guys kept talking about nonsenses until you told him you needed to go.

(y/n): “gotta go, family gathering at gram’s. try not to cry because u miss me so much, I’ll be back I promise :p”

(Peter): “well I’ll try but idk if I will be able to go through the next couple of hours without you annoying the life out of me. It’ll be so hard :(“

(y/n): “damn ur heartless. Anyways bye, arachnid xo”

(Peter): “S T O P”

(Peter): “are you still at your grandma’s place? It’s like 2 a.m.”

(Peter): “(y/n)???”

(Peter): “if ur mad about me calling u annoying i’m sorryyy”

(Peter): “:(“

(Peter): “you weren’t at class today. everything okay? just checking, I’m worried abt u”

(Peter): “u missed a Chem assignment today, I’m paired up with you, it’s nothing out of this world but we need to talk abt it”

(Peter): “hey… listen u’ve been MIA for almost a week, now idk what’s going on but you can talk to me, let me help”

(Peter): “Ned and I went over to your place to talk to you but your mom didn’t let us in. pls tell me what’s going on”

- Damn, Peter…

- What? – He was certain he didn’t do anything wrong but after showing Ned the texts he got a little insecure. After all, he never realized when he was messing things up, he just got super nervous and started rambling nonstop until shit hit the fan.

- You guys are so flirty, it’s so disgusting, just ask her out already, geez.

- Ned!

- Okay okay, well, I admit, I didn’t see anything wrong, except for you clearly trying to flirt with her and being a total failure.

- Shut up.

They were sitting at their usual table in the cafeteria, theorizing about what made you go off on them. Both of them were uneasy, you were their best friend and they liked you too much to just let you push them away like this. Peter was particularly off, at the same time he was dying of worries, he was pissed at you. After all the mad shit you’ve been through together, he’d think you cared about him enough not to just ignore his complete existence out of nowhere. To be honest he was hurt about the fact that you didn’t like him as much as he liked you.

- Yo, assholes. – Flash just jumped up at your table. – I’m trying to do some community service, so as my first act of kindness I will allow you to go to my party tomorrow. My place at 10. Don’t be weird or I’ll change my mind and kick you out of there. Make sure (y/n) is there, she’s a sight I’d like to see at my place. See ya, losers.

As fast as Flash got to their table, he went away, not giving the boys an opportunity to answer. Peter closed his fists so hard at the mention of your name that his knuckles turned white. Ned simply rolled his eyes and told Peter to forget about it.

Peter took his cellphone again and opened your chat. It had been one day since he last texted you and tried to go to your place, so he was thinking whether he should tell you about the party or not. A part of him was angry and didn’t want to text you because of the shit you’ve been making him go through, but the other part was hopeful you’d show up at Flash’s and finally give him an opportunity to talk to you. He decided he missed you too much and would take any chance he could to see you. So he sent you the text.

(Peter): “hey, Flash is throwing a party tomorrow night and he invited us. yes. all of us. anyway, it’ll be at 10. hope you show up.”

There. Plain and simple. A loud sigh left Peter’s mouth as he hit his head on the table.

- It’s okay, dude. She’ll be there. Don’t stress about it.

(…)

- Do you see her? – It was the fifth time Ned poked Peter and asked the same question. Peter felt like he was about to lose it.

- No, dude. I’ve been looking directly at the door and she still hasn’t shown up.

- She will come, Peter. Don’t worry. Hey, do you think Betty would be impressed with this hat I’m wearing?

- Uhm, sure! Why don’t you go over to her?

- Are you sure? You’ll be okay? I know (y/n) is always the one who makes you company… - Ned was about to start rambling but Peter was quick to stop him laughing.

- Ned, I’m fine. Now go get your girl.

- Yeah yeah, you should go get yours too, you know. Look who just showed up. – Ned pointed to the door.

And there you were, with all your non-glory, and an alarm rang in Peter’s head almost instantaneously. The first thing he noticed was your clothing. You were wearing a jacket, which was not usual for you, who is always complaining about how hot it is, even if it´s freezing. The next thing he noticed was your body, you were thinner, not enough to make everyone notice, but he for sure did, and he for sure got worried right away. The last thing he noticed was your face. He always admired you for being so outgoing and confident, but now you looked scared and insecure, constantly looking to your sides, like the walls had spikes and the room was slowly getting smaller around you.

After scanning the whole room, your eyes met Peter’s, he was beside Ned, looking straight at you, you forced a side smile and walked up to them.

- Peter, Ned… Hi. – You looked really shy, something was definitely off.

- Hey, (y/n)! Oh my God I missed you so much, where have you been? We thought you were mad at us. – Ned was as agitated as he was when he talked about Betty. You couldn’t help but smile at how excited your best friend was to see you.

- I… I was sick, really sick. You know how it is… - You looked at Peter, but he had his eyes fixed on the floor, looking upset.

- Of course you were. – He sighed and you felt the sarcasm in his voice.

- Excuse me?

- I’m not buying that, (y/n). If you really were sick you would tell us, you know, your best friends.

- Yo, don’t put me into this mess, I’m going to talk to Betty now. But (y/n), I’ll talk to you later, okay? So happy to see you again! – Ned was quick to flee the situation, leaving you and Peter alone. You grabbed his hand and took him to the pool area, where there were less people.

- Start talking, Parker.

- What?

- You were pretty quick to shoot me a snarky comment inside, so I guess you have a lot to say, right? Start talking.

- I… I don’t have…

- Peter, talk!

- Why… Why would you ignore me for over a week? You were so sick you couldn’t grab your phone? And if you really were sick, why didn’t your mom tell us right away? I was so upset with you I wasn’t even going to tell you about the party, but I missed you and was worried about you and wanted to see you, and you lie to my face?

- I shouldn’t have ignored you, I know. I’m sorry. I really am. But you want to talk about lying? What about all the times you lied right to my face for almost a year, huh? The Stark Internship, the Washington shit, me being stood up by you countless times, what about that? You didn’t tell me about the spider shit, I figured it out by myself. And it’s okay if you didn’t want to tell me, that’s your business, but don’t point your finger at me talking about fucking honesty. – Peter’s face was sad and angry at the same time as you threw the words at him.

- You know, I only came to this shitty party to see you. – You stared right into his eyes. – I missed you and wanted to have a good time with you, but I guess that’s not going to happen so leave me alone. – At the moment Peter saw tears wanting to leave your eyes, he knew something was wrong, and that he had messed up. Big time.

- (y/n), wait! – He tried to hold you but you sprinted back inside the house, leaving him with his thoughts.

You were grabbing a snack at the kitchen, when you felt someone breathing down your neck. You froze instantly, trying to push away the memories. You turned and in front of you was Brad Davis. He was a good guy, but he was drunk and an alarm rang in your head.

- What the fuck? Back off, Brad.

- Hey, (y/n)! Long time no see, wanna dance? – He placed his hands on your shoulder, and the memories came flooding you as you tried pushing them away.

- No.

- Come here, I missed you. – He then pulled you in for a hug. At the moment you felt his hands on your back and waist, and smelled the alcohol exhaling from his mouth, you just couldn’t fight the memories any longer. It was like you were back your grandma’s house all over again, you started to shiver, your heart felt like it was going to go out of your chest and your vision turned black.

- Get off of me! – You couldn’t stop yourself. You shoved him away aggressively, and punched him right in his face. It was like you were stuck in your own body, not being able to control it.

You realized what you did when he hit the floor, nose bleeding.

- I’m… I’m so sorry… I… - The music had stopped, you looked up and everyone was looking at you. Then you saw him. Peter. You immediately ran away and grabbed a cab down the street, ignoring Peter’s screams calling you and asking you to wait.

By the time you got home, you were crying uncontrollably. You laid in bed and let everything sink in. You knew going to the party was a mistake but you did it anyway. Fucking stupid little girl.

- (y/n), let me in. – You looked at your window and saw Peter with his suit on, how could he have changed clothes so fast?

You went over and opened the window. He got in, you turned around as he changed clothes once more. You turned around again when he was done and sat on the bed. He sat beside you.

- So, I’m an idiot. I know. – He looked at you with puppy hazel eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit. – (y/n)… what happened? Please, I beg you to talk to me.

So, you started talking immediately. The more you talked, the more you cried. You talked about how when at your grandma’s, while the whole family was going to take a picture, your old drunk cousin grabbed you by the arm to be closer to him, and started walking down your body with his hand, making you freeze with terror. You talked about how you felt like you couldn’t move or scream, about how hard he was squeezing your arm, leaving a bruise after. You talked about how you felt used, dirty, and weak, about how you should have done something, anything, but instead you stayed there like a scared little girl. You talked about how you were afraid of people touching you now, and how afraid you were of hurting people, and how that’s exactly what happened. You hurt someone, Brad. And finally, you talked about how you were feeling like your worst version of yourself, and didn’t want anyone to see that, especially Peter.

He listened to everything quietly, and only after you finished talking was when he realized he wasn’t breathing and that you had grabbed his hand at some point. He didn’t know what to say, all he felt was hatred, so he started crying.

- I’m so sorry, I made this whole thing about me when you were hurting so much. – You squeezed his hand when you heard he say that.

- Listen, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have ignored you, I just didn’t want you to see the mess I am right now.

- You are not a mess. It’s not your fault this happened to you. You are the strongest person that I’ve ever known, you are the utter best version of yourself and that’s one of the many reasons why I really like you and… - He suddenly stopped when he realized what he said.

Shit.

- You know… as a friend… my best friend! You are my best friend and I like you as my best friend and… - He stopped on his tracks when he felt you hugging him, he didn’t know what to do so he slowly and gently put his arms around you, making sure you were comfortable.

(…)

After that night, things didn’t get better, but they got less worse. Peter and Ned were the only people you were comfortable with, and Peter was the only one you were physically comfortable with. You didn’t think it was possible to be closer than you were before, but it happened. Peter was super protective of you, and he didn’t even noticed. He would always hold your hand when you were walking, and would always make sure you felt safe. Every time he noticed you being anxious, he would grab your hand and caress it with his thumb, or he would play with your hair and whisper “it’s okay, I’m here with you. You are okay” into your ear. He made you feel safe, and he also made you feel weird things, mushy and warm things. He looked at you differently, you knew it, and it always made you feel like your stomach was upside down, but in a great way.

One day, you, Peter and Ned were at the cafeteria talking, you and Peter were holding hands when you felt hands on your shoulders. You stopped moving right away

- (y/n), nice work on that assignment! – Your Chemistry teacher said and left without letting you respond.

Peter and Ned looked at you, clear worriedness stamped on their faces. You started to breathe heavily, your heartbeat started racing, you started shaking and your eyes got wet. Peter quickly grabbed your hand and took you away.

He took you to the janitor’s closet, the closest thing to the cafeteria. It was so small you were pressed against each other, but Peter didn’t care about that. All he cared about was you. When he closed the door, you started sobbing.

- Hey, hey it’s okay, I’m here. You are okay. No one’s going to hurt you, okay? I promise. – He hold you tight in his arms.

- I… I feel dirty.

- Here – he stood in front of you, took off his sweater, staying only with his nerdy shirt, and swept it over your shoulders. – I’m cleaning them, see? They’re clean. You’re not dirty, you are perfect.

He wiped your tears away and started caressing your cheek, cupping your face with his hands.

- I’m here and I’ll always be here. You are okay.

- I’m… I’m okay.

- See? Everything’s going to be okay. – He hugged you once more.

- Peter? – You called against his chest.

- Huh? – He didn’t let you go.

- Thank you. I… I really like you too. You know, as my best friend… - You felt his heart racing. – You know what I mean.

He let you out of his arms to look at you. He knew what you meant, he remembered the day he almost confessed his feelings, but he thought you wouldn’t have realized.

He kept his hazel eyes glued at yours, and you could swear he was seeing through your soul at that moment. He smiled, his face lit up. You smiled. You don’t know how long you guys stayed there, but it felt like eternity and it wasn’t enough.

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pirotehnist · 5 years

Text

Farmer's Market- Chapter 6!

(Ok so first of all tw for: needles, mentions of death, body horror but not too much, sedation, violence, uuh what was left,,, idk this dude scrathes his hands?? Bc hes in pain? And i also talk abt his veins? Dunno pals just,, heads up)

The following morning the weather seemed to change drastically. The sky had gone grey and the wind was blowing, and it certainly wasn't helping that Monday and Toby have been keeping their window open since 5 AM.

-Doesn't this city make you sad? Monday asked out of the blue.

-I don't… understand you. ‘Not only now. Most of the time.’ thought Toby.

-I mean, do you realise it's a graveyard? We're a graveyard and a freak show altogether.

Toby stayed silent.

-I died, you did so too, and the Lady, and Marlene, and the people I passed on the street. We're dead. And Mr. Griffin's invisible and Salvador keeps his own head in a jar.

-Would you rather he keep someone else's? Toby couldn't stop himself. It seemed that whenever Monday was in a mood he was in… the opposite one.

-It wouldn't make a difference to me, she shrugged. Who knows what kind of freaks lurk in the shadows of this town.

Monday got up and streched once again. She was a little bit taller than Toby. Outside of their room they could hear voices talking, but couldn't make out what was being discussed.

They had their schdule planned out for the day. Almost everyone wanted to go to the library. Except for Pica and Maisie, who were out for a stroll in the city. And, well, Salvador, who only got out of his room to go to the kitchen, put an empty bottle next to the trash can and get a bottle of water. With bags under his eyes big enough to store the contents of a small supermarket, he just shook his head at the possibility of joining the others.

-We gotta keep an eye on him today. Make sure he eats at least once and doesn't touch another drop of liquor, sighed the Lady.

As the weather worsened she had to borrow some warmer clothes, and unfortunately Salvador was the only one whose clothes fit on her. ‘Well, you can't be 6'3 in a house of 5'7s and not expect any throwbacks’ she thought.

She couldn't just waltz right in and take a sweater from his closet, as Griffin usually suggested, so she made her request as short as possible. Salvador didn't mind.

The only other one who needed something warmer was Toby, but he had more luck. A raincoat was simply borrowed from Griffin and he was done.

Speaking of Griffin, he had his head pressed against the coffee table, as he had been having a terrible headache. He managed to bury himself into a sweater that looked like it belonged to someone at least a foot taller, which was because it did. It hung weirdly on him, considering the fact that he had no discernable form once again.

-Griffin, sweetie, remarked the Lady, maybe you should get visible again. You scared the librarian real bad last time, remember?

The other got up, mumbling something about being dizzy. He seemed wobbly, and the Lady tried to help him as he went up the stairs, but he shook his head. For a minute or so the others stood in silence, unsure of wether or not they should speak. And then it happened. The lights were on, the TV was on, and then they started flickering. The wind was roaring, the house felt like it might collapse. And as a horrible, painful shriek was heard from upstairs, the Lady shot up and rushed up the stairs, with the others following.

Griffin's room. And in the doorway stood Salvador, calmly inspecting the scene.

The room was immaculate, electrical machinery and chemicals arranged on the desk. And on the floor, in the middle of it all, Griffin.

The shriek had turned into a choked sob. He was oscillating between visible and invisible, shaking from head to toe. The room reeked of rubbing alcohol. His veins were clearly visible, and it was a horrendous sight.

-I am going to die! he spat out, sobbing. Something's wrong, wrong, again!

He was clawing at the top of his own hands, so hard he drew blood. He pressed his forehead against the rug and seemed to throw up a bit.

Salvador dug frantically through his drawers, and unwrapped a syringe. He took out a small vial, containing a liquid. He pierced the top and drew from it.

Griffin looked up with wide, red eyes and seemed perhaps a bit soothed when he saw it.

-Where do I inject it? Salvador calmly asked him as he lowered to his eye level.

-Is this, the Meda, you- you know, Mezadol?

‘Midazolam’ whispered the Lady, elbowing Toby. No one made a sound.

Griffin shakily extended a pale, bony wrist. It was… almost transparent. You could clearly see veins and bones, but that was about it.

Salvador seemed oddly calm about the situation. He counted the seconds between each doze, and it must've taken about 2 minutes. Griffin seemed to calm down, and stopped shaking. In the meantime, he made Griffin drink from another bottle, which had a light blue tint.

-Thank you, he whispered softly.

Salvador picked him up and laid him on his bed. His face was ghastly white, and some parts of him were still invisible to different degrees.

Lady Alligator was the first to break the silence.

-What in the world just happened?

-I'll get back to that in a minute, Salvador barely managed to answer before he quickly made his way to the nearest sink, in the bathroom down the hall, and threw up. Perhaps he wasn't as calm as he seemed.

He practically collapsed on the nearest chair as soon as he came back, and let out a sigh. Griffin was already unconscious by now.

He then got a small pack of bandages and bandaids, applied a disinfectant and started patching up the other's hands.

-This happened before, he sighed. Only once. He walked me through the process. This thing does something to his blood. If I was too slow he could've died before I even got to him. His heart would've stopped and… that was it.

He took Griffin's hand and looked closely at the blue veins that seemed to be floating above his hand.

-The chemicals I gave him, with the blue tint, are there to somehow fixate him. They keep him in his current state. Although, he was fully visible when it last happened.

-It must've been because of how the power kept going on and off earlier, stated Adalana. I remember him telling me once about something to do with electricity, I don-

-Hold on! Spoke up Salvador. He. Told you? he squinted. I've known him for years and he spoke about it only once. You've known him for about a day.

The Lady's expression could only be described as ‘I shouldn't have said that.’

-Adalana, he pressed on. How long have you known him for?

-He… worked with me for a bit, she shrugged.

-How long?

-Aaaaabout a year? she grimaced. But you can't blame me! You know I keep my work private. He's a damn good physicist and was useful in some cases.

-‘‘Can't blame’’ you? I can! he shouted. He's my best friend. You're my best friend too, he groaned. And, you two? The hell!

-It was work! Why are you so worried? she mused. You're way too protective with him, let the man have a life! The worst that can happen is for him to get hypothermia, AGAIN! Adalana rolled her eyes. And you already know how to handle that one.

God those poor souls in the doorway, who felt like they were watching their parents argue with no idea why.

-Let's just… leave mom, dad and our unconscious weird uncle to themselves, sighed Marlene. Come on, let's go downstairs. I want coffee and don't know how to make it.

A few minutes later, down came the Lady.

-What 'appened? asked Toby.

-Well, one thing's for sure. He sure ain't coming with us. He almost collapsed while talking, so I tried to take him to his room. But nooo! Our dear Griffin might wake up disoriented and panic! So long story short I moved in an armchair from whichever room was closer and he's trying to sleep in that one.

-And? piped up Pygmalion. We're still going to the library or not?

-As soon as we're all ready.

Which they were, so all 5 people managed to fit into the Lady's car, with Monday having shotgun privileges. Mainly because she was quiet.

Salvador was woken up by the sound of the doorbell, and the very weak shake of a hand on his shoulder.

Griffin still felt a bit confused when he woke up. And dizzy. He looked down at his hands. Patches ranging in visibility. They looked quite sickening to him. And on an armchair next to his bed, Salvador. His head was still exposed, he had been way too busy to even remember putting it back in its jar. Was he upset by him? He surely hoped not. Oh, that would hurt quite a bit.

And then came the horrid sound of the doorbell, echoing through the house. It almost pained Griffin, who was still adjusting to lights and sounds. Without thinking, he reached forward and lightly shook Salvador by the arm. Even sitting up still seemed quite an effort to him.

-Vince, he whispered.

He wondered if it came out wrong. It seemed too friendly for their situation. Still, ‘‘Salvador’’ seemed too cold.

-Vincent, he repeated. The door. Wake up.

The other opened his eyes and stared at him intently. They made an interesting contrast with eachother. Red eyes and green ones, white and black hair-

But that's not what matters right now.

-How do you feel? asked Salvador.

-I'm ok. Not in pain anymore, so that's better.

-You've gotten careless with your transformation, Jack. This is serious. And one day it could kill you.

That also seemed an interesting choice of names to Griffin. Yes, Salvador had quite a variety of names to choose from for him. ‘‘Jackson Claude Griffin’’ he remembered Salvador repeating after him when they first met. First and last time he heard him say it. Salvador prefered something shorter. ‘‘Griffs’’, in public mostly. ‘‘Jack’’ was… it felt weird. It was for the serious moments. Aaaand he was overthinking things again.

But even if he wasn't, he still wouldn't have an answer to give to him.

Salvador got up, and went to answer the door.

-Don't get up, he ordered.

He walked across the yard. The air was pleasantly cool, and it felt quite nice. For the first few seconds, because afterwards it just felt cold.

He opened the small gate. But instead of a familiar face, there were-

Two masked shapes. Shit. The blow of a bat, and Slavador was out cold. Laughter.

-Let's drag 'im into the house, hissed the taller one. Rabbit mask, feminine voice.

-And if he's not alone? asked the one with the cat mask.

-Nothing violence or chloroform won't solve.

These two were clearly either careless or incompetent. Might have had something in the system. Two masked criminals, in broad daylight, who… rang the doorbell.

The first thing Griffin heard were loud voices, which were normal for the area. Might have been hooligans knocking something over. He was almost right. Poor guy only understood what was going on when it was too late.

Just as he went down the stairs and rested on the couch for a moment, Rabbit slammed the door behind her as Cat dragged Slavador into the room.

-Don't try something funny, she warned him. Know you're just an inconvenience for us.

Rabbit was headed for the kitchen, and lazily hummed a song as she worked on… something

Cat propped Salvador up on the couch. ‘Here's my chance’ thought Griffin. He had to do something. He tried to grab the feeble butter knife rested on the coffee table. Better than nothing. But before he could even get up-

A hand grabbed Griffin by the collar. The tip of something sharp and cold was rested on his back.

-Sit down.

Atta boy. Rabbit's back.

His mouth was covered by a damp rag

-Breathe in this. It'll be enough for us to have a talk with your friend right there, who's been napping for- she checked her watch -3 minutes. Musta' been a mean punch, you wouldn't want the same to happen to you.

‘Chloroform,’ thought Griffin as he finally remembered the name of the substance. ‘Oh for God's sa-’

#farmers market #chapter 6 #excerpts from my writing #my writing #writers #writer #writing #written #writblr #excerpt from a story i'll never write #excerpt from a book i'll never write #ocs

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tokidokifish · 5 years

Text

sooo i wanted to share this even tho it is INCREDIBLY niche

a little thing i wrote abt my boy alphinaud and the wol! post-main story stormblood so look out for spoilers

...

Alphinaud Leveilleur was a young man who did his best not to allow himself the folly of hubris, not again, not after paying so high a price for it. He knew he was talented in many aspects - exceptionally talented, even - but he tried not to get too carried away in the idea of his own expertise.

All that having been said, however, Alphinaud rather thought there was no one in the world who better understood the Warrior of Light. He had, as far as he was aware, spent more time with them than anyone else. They had been beside him at his lowest, a quiet, reassuring presence that he had come to cherish. He considered them his best friend, and considered himself lucky to have the privilege.

And so - after their fight with the monstrosity that Zenos had made himself, after he had taken a blade to his own throat, while everyone else was basking in the heady relief and joy of victory - he realized that there was something... perhaps not wrong. But certainly there was something weighing on them, as they turned away from the body in the flowers; he could see it in their eyes, could almost pinpoint the moment they chose to push their own feelings down and focus instead on Lyse and victory. He suspected it was something they were used to - something that they had, at one point in their life, made a habit of: disappearing in a crowded room. It was harder now that they were the vaunted Warrior of Light, slayer of eikons and dragons, ender of wars. But they could still do it, given the right situation - and the right motivation.

And certainly he wasn't going to fault them for that. It was, perhaps - probably, even - not the time. So he waited, until everything had died down, when they were back in Rhalgr's Reach. And then he went looking for them.

The fact they were clearly making themself scarce only affirmed the idea something was bothering them. He avoided the more crowded areas, filled with noise and too many people, and found them in the second place he looked - the first had been the entryway to the temple; they told him they liked the flowers, and the cool quiet dimness. But there was also a guard posted, and perhaps even that was too much company for their mood.

Insteady, he found them tucked up under one of the bridges, at the edge of the water, their knees drawn up and tail wrapped around their ankles. Somewhere private, near the water - which they liked - but protected, somewhat, from the constant roaring of the waterfalls, which bothered them.

"Hello," he said, softly. An ear flicked in his direction, and then they looked up at him. "Do you mind if I join you?" They were quiet. "If you would prefer not to be bothered, I can leave."

Their not unfamiliar silence stretched on for a moment more, and then they shook their head. "It's okay. You don't bother me, Alphinaud."

"Anyone can be a bother, in the right - or rather wrong - situation," he said, but he was relieved, rather embarrassingly. He knew that he often bothered people. Prim was one of the few who could reliably put up with him.

And that's why he was here. He climbed under the bridge to join them, and quietly took them in. Since Doma, they had been wearing half of a stolen Imperial uniform, both because it amused them and - they had confessed - they rather liked the style. But now they were back in a simple camisole, and he realized there may have been another reason they wore that borrowed uniform: because it had at least somewhat hidden how very small they were. It was often hard to miss, when they were literally dancing across the battlefield, but he was only one minor (and frankly overdue) growth spurt from completely outstripping them in terms of height - but perhaps they were due for one, themself. He wasn't entirely sure how old they were; he rather thought, from what he knew about their past, that even they might not know. But he did know they were young, younger than any of the other Scions, and made to carry so much.

Even he had asked them to shoulder not just impossible burdens in service of Eorzea, but also the weight of his own worries. It seemed like the least he could do was return the favor.

"Is aught amiss?" he asked.

They made an uncertain noise, and looked over at him again, and he could see conflict on their face.

"I thought you looked troubled," he explained. "And - well, you've certainly listened to enough of my troubles, haven't you? I thought it was high time I returned the favor."

"You don't have to," they told him. "I don't do it because I expect to be repaid."

"I know," he said. "But I want to. Because you're my friend."

They looked down, and for a moment he thought they wouldn't want to speak after all. But then: "I'm not sure where to start."

"Is it Zenos?" he asked. "Are you upset with the way things ended? I'll admit, at the time I was a bit... carried away by my emotions, but looking back it was rather... well, upsetting to see, wasn't it?"

"It was," they agreed, voice quiet. "And he - talked. A lot. Before all of you got there. And at one point, he said... he said that he thought we could have carried on as friends. If I would accept him." Their eyes found his, again. "I said no. And now, after everything... I can't help but... wonder. If I had answered differently. Would that have... changed it, in the end."

For a moment, all he could do was stare. He knew that they weren't hard-hearted; far from it. He knew they still carried the weight of those they had lost, some of it almost too heavy to bear - he had, very sincerely, worried for a moment if they were going to be able to carry on after Haurchefant had died. But...

"As gentle a soul you may be, I never would have guessed that such compassion would extend do our enemies," he said. "Especially not one like Zenos. You are nothing like him!"

"But I am," they said, immediately. "Like him."

Once again, he was startled into silence. But this time, Prim went on.

"I know what it's like not to feel things the right way," they said. "To look at people experiencing something and have it be completely alien to me. And I... I've learned to handle it better, but I have to wonder how much of that is me and how much of that is the people I've surrounded myself with. If I had grown up in the same circumstances of Zenos - if I had even just grown up in the Empire - would I have been like him? Capable of the same things he was? And I can't help but think that - if all I had known was emptiness or the thrill of the fight, and I finally found someone I thought could understand me, and I reached out my hand to them, even for a moment, only to have it rebuffed... what would I do in that situation?"

They shook their head, ears pressed flat. "I recognize the things he did. You called him a rabid animal, and I understand why. But I think I understand too much, and that's why... that's why."

They shut their mouth, and buried their face against their knees, swaying a little in place. For a long, long moment, Alphinaud couldn't think of a thing to say, overwhelmed by a sudden new understanding of his quiet friend. But then he realized there was one thing he was absolutely sure of.

"You still aren't like him," he said. "Do you know why? Because you're a Warrior of Light."

They looked at him, brow creased with hurt, and he shook his head.

"I don't mean that you're special because you're a Warrior of Light," he said, quietly. "I think you're a Warrior of Light because you're special. Because Hydaelyn saw something in you. Something that we all see in you, that draws us to you, gives us hope. It's not the light of the crystal, it's just - you, Prim."

He reached out, and touched their hand. "You don't talk about yourself, but from some of the things you've said - I know you haven't had the easiest life either. Maybe it wasn't being raised as the crown prince of a dictatorship, but I know you had chances to become someone - someone other than who you became. You didn't have to join the Scions, you could have abandoned me after the Sultana's banquet - you've made a thousand choices that led you to this place. You talk about the people you've surrounded yourself with, but even that was a choice. You could have walked away at any time."

They fidgeted a little. "I couldn't have."

He smiled. "The fact you think you couldn't just proves my point. And just like you've made your choices without even thinking about them, so too did Zenos, and look at where you both ended up. That hardly seems similar to me - and hells, even if you were..."

He shook his head. "I find it hard to believe he truly wanted a friend, even in the end, and I doubt your answer would have changed anything. It's understandable to carry the weight of what happened with you - I'd expect nothing less, actually. But... it also wasn't your fault."

They were quiet, staring at their knees. He let them have a moment.

"Oh," they finally said, softly.

"Do you feel any better?" he asked.

They tilted their head, clearly considering the question and their own feelings, and then smiled just a little. "Yes."

"Good. I'm glad," he said, but there was still something bothering him. He looked at them, all curled up in a little ball, and then realized. "Would a hug be alright?"

They nodded, with what looked like a flash of relief, and when he wrapped his arms around them, they snuggled in immediately. He thought he could hear a purr.

"Thank you, Alphinaud," they said, and he smiled.

"Anytime. And I do mean that."

#fish plays ffxiv #local teen finds kitten under bridge - what happens next will warm your heart #i have gotten very attached to alphinaud and i guess it isn't a surprise #he's an over-educated under-socialized nerd #whose biggest fault is believing the best in people #he is essentially a more competent version of me #anyhow:#long post

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oddeyecadia · 6 years

Text

what if it’s us? (ch. 4)

a/n: no one prolly cares abt this fic anymore but lol still gonna continue

also posted on ao3 | ch. 1 ch. 2 ch. 3

"I think Allura's my soulmate."

Just like that, everything stopped. Time, the beating of her heart, the universe itself. All the little scars and bruises on her body tingled in a strange, unpleasant way. He was the only one smiling now. The clear excitement on his face made her feel harder to breathe.

Of course.

Pidge gritted her teeth.

Of fucking course.

"I saw her left foot earlier. It was bandaged the same way as my left foot. Do you know when she got that?"

"Yeah, uh..." She had it even before you had yours, dumbass. "Just this morning, I think." Pidge internally slapped herself. She didn't want to lie, she really didn't. But she also didn't want to erase the pure joy he was clearly feeling.

Though, her decision was going to make a lot of mess was it? She took a deep breath and as she was about to change her mind, Lance's gaze fell to the floor with a look that took every breath of her away and spoke softly. "I finally found her."

Out of all of his smiles, the one he wore right then was probably the most beautiful. She could see the relief and love he was ready to give attached to it.

Something about the fact that someone else was the reason for this smile bothered her a lot. It could be just the guilt for lying, making him smile for the wrong person, that creeped up her back.

Yeah. She hoped it was just that.

"Your turn." Said Lance, interrupting her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"What were you gonna say earlier?"

"Oh. Just that I- I noticed how you and Allura have the same injury too."

There was no turning back.

___

"Stop glaring, Hunk." Pidge said quietly, feeling the intense look he was giving her.

Brown eyes kept staring at her as she continued to type on her laptop. She felt uneasy but not to the point where she couldn't focus on the email that she was writing to her professor. A letter to inform her about the extremely unfair division of tasks in her group and how her two group mates barely did anything for their project.

Somewhere in the library, she could hear Lance being absentmindedly loud again. That and Hunk's glare growing more intense was enough to make her take a deep breath and finally look at the guy across her.

"Look what you've done." He said.

"I didn't do anything."

"Exactly. You didn't do anything to stop him from thinking Allura was his soulmate! Look at him!" He whisper shouted, pointing at the main desk. There, was Allura, staring blankly at Lance who was leaning an elbow on the desk and smirking at her like an idiot.

Pidge rolled her eyes, trying her hardest to keep her blood boiling at the sight. "He looks happy."

"He looks stupid, Pidge. You know what he said to me that night? 'Would it be more romantic if I make her realize rather than just telling her?'" She fought a grin at Hunk's accurate impression of Lance's slightly high pitched voice. "And just a few weeks ago you were like 'Never. Let him find out on his own.' You two just love miscommunication and complicating things more huh?"

"It'd be more complicated if I told him while he was so stoked about the idea of another person being his soulmate. It would ruin his mood, make things awkward, and possibly ruin our friendship too." Besides, she didn't want to mess things up after they just had their deep conversation and learned to really open up to each other for the first time.

It had been a couple of days since that whole thing happened. Finals was next week, everyone had been pretty busy with their own thing. Allura had to take care of some important stuff these past couple of days that Pidge had to work at the library on her own again. Meaning, Lance didn't immediately got the chance to start his wooing.

"She's not here?" He asked the night after their "hangout friday"- as Hunk would call it.

"She has a checkup. Sorry, loverboy ."

"Aww man." The boy looked down at his feet. "I must've hurt her real bad."

Pidge's frown deepened as she only hummed in response. It was too early for her to casually talk about soulmates after what just happened .

"Well, guess I'll just study then. Hey, Pidge."

She looked at him, he raised a brow. "You're taking care of yourself, right?"

Snorting, she couldn't fight a grin. Why was he like this? Could he stop being so nice for a second? "Yeah, don't worry. I remember your advice by heart."

Pidge cringed internally, remembering what she said.

"Fix this, Pidge."

"I will, Hunk. Just– let him have his fun for a little while." Ignoring the slight pain in her chest and Hunk's disappointed look, she finally finished the email and pressed send.

___

Shoe squeaks and loud pop music filled the gym.

The highest bleacher was cold against the palm of her hands. Pidge could see everything from up here. It was nice. Plus, she was far from everyone, far from the volleyball team playing and from the dance team which she found out was just like a bunch of Lance put in one group. Everyone was just as loud and boisterous.

"Why am I here again?"

Lance looked up at her from where he stood, one bleacher below, and flashed a smile. "Because Hunk isn't available and I'm used to having a friend watch me practice. You don't have a choice."

She let out a deep breath. At least Hunk wasn't available for real this time. Unlike the last time he left the two where he tried to play wingman.

"Ugh. Don't you have like a hobby that's a little more... quiet?"

"Oh come on, Pidge. Don't you think a bunch of college kids dancing and doing dangerous stunts is cool?"

Her attention was caught by a flyer being thrown in the air. The guy landed too quickly and it was obvious by the shocked look on their faces that his spotters weren't ready, they caught him immediately anyways.

"Fun." Her hands started sweating, seeing the team practice that same stunt again. "Is this a requirement? I mean does this boost up your grades in any way?"

"Not really. Clubs and stuff like this doesn't really add that much to my GPA." He said as he took out his water bottle.

"Why didn't you just take performing arts then?"

He took a sip. "I was going to. I wanted to study and make money out of dancing but... let's be honest, the money part would be kinda hard to achieve. So I went with my second favorite thing to do, taking care of people. I took nursing."

Pidge was about to ask another question when one of his teammates suddenly shouted. "Lance! You ready?"

"Yup! Just a sec!" Lance put down his bottle before giving her another proud smile. "Just enjoy the show, Katarina. We have like fifteen minutes left of practice. It'll be quick."

She watched as he carefully walked down the bleachers and towards his team. She bit her lip when her injured foot throbbed slightly as she saw Lance unintentionally take a hard step.

A member then approached him and said something she couldn't obviously hear.

Nodding his head, he smiled at said member before getting into position.

There was something off about that smile, though. How he went from being all jumpy to stiff right after said teammate talked to him was not a good sign too.

Pidge pushed her glasses up her nose.

The same pop music that was on repeat for minutes played again as the dance team started their routine. They did some incredible stunts and moves that could make anyone jump from their seat yet she couldn't take her eyes away from a single dancer.

Ocean waves.

That was the only thing she could think of as she watched him sway, turn, pop and glide. Lance danced so swiftly yet every move had a hint of snap. His hips didn't lie, his whole body moved so in sync with the beat.

He didn't look like he was having as much fun, though, and one time he looked as if he wasn't sure if he was in the right position which was concerning.

But still.

That was hot.

___

"I have eight papers due tomorrow and I haven't started any of them." Said Keith after taking a big gulp of milk straight from the carton as he sat by the kitchen counter.

He was lactose intolerant.

"And why's that?"

"I don't know, Shiro. Everytime I begin typing I just burst into tears."

Even through the phone, his brother's disappointed sigh was still upsetting to hear. "College's tough huh?"

Keith chuckled. "That's an understatement."

"I know but you have to be more responsible. Be more like Katie but without the overworking part." Keith frowned at the second statement, remembering all those nights he had to drag an exhausted Pidge to bed and how he hated seeing her all stressed up. He took another sip. "Speaking of, how is she? Her finals is coming up right? I hope she's not over studying again."

"Strangely but fortunately, no. She hasn't overworked herself in days."

"That's good. Matt's visiting you guys today so–"

Keith chocked on his milk before Shiro could even finish his sentence.

He totally forgot about that.

"You okay there?" Shiro asked. Keith could already see his brother's teasing smirk and it caused his ears to burn up.

"Yeah, just– Just remembered I'm lactose intolerant." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, yeah. Pidge mentioned that."

Meanwhile, Shiro couldn't help but chuckle at his little brother's clear nervousness. "Don't worry, you have my permission to say yes when he asks you out on a date. Again."

Keith went silent for a moment.

That was when Shiro spoke again, his voice softer and Keith could almost see him wearing his comforting smile. "It's okay, Keith."

Something in his chest loosened and he took a deep breath. Keith already knew what it meant for he had heard it from him a million times. It was the first time he heard Shiro say it like that, though. It felt and sounded like real reassurance this time, like not only the situation was okay, but also himself.

As if on cue, a couple of loud knocks were heard from Keith and Pidge's apartment door and he tensed up.

"Thanks, Shiro. I'll call you again later?"

"After you finish your papers first. Now go, entertain your guest."

Keith ignored Shiro's teasing tone, said goodbye and hanged up before walking towards the door.

He already had a guess of who the person on the other side was. And if he was right, said guest was a little bit early for his sister wasn't even home yet.

Here goes nothing. Keith finally opened the door and lo and behold, he was right. He hated that he was right.

Matthew Holt stood in front of him with a warm smile, the familiar scar still clear and present across the bridge of his nose. "Hey, Keith."

#satri writes #plance #pidgance #pance #flirtyrobot #rainforest #fuckplant #fanfic #soulmate au

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jageunyeoujari · 6 years

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hello yaejin. i wanted to apologize for last night. i'm sorry i brought your mental health into an argument, and i'm sorry i invalidated your feelings. that was out of line, and i honestly fucked up. i saw a pattern ive seen before and i jumped to conclusions and it was inappropriate and cruel, especially while we were having an argument. i was dealing with a mental health crisis of a friend and i let it influence me and i wasn't good enough to walk away and say i couldn't talk rationally.

(sorry, limit). my own situation doesn’t make it okay what i said, and i don’t want to imply it, i just wanted to let you know the context. i’m sorry again.

apologizing for what exactly. sorry for what exactly. you “brought up my mental health” as if it was just a little no-big-deal comment when you used my vulnerability in talking abt my recent mental health struggles as proof that i’m going insane & thus everything i say is illogical when i was talking abt racism in white ace/aro discourse. the ableism was literally a vehicle for you to derail a conversation about race so by copping to just the one, you’re not actually acknowledging the underlying issue framing it. this is such a vapid, spineless, fake apology that doesn’t acknowledge the underlying intent or impact of what that ableism did which was to derail my points abt RACISM & my experience as a lesbian woc who’s also ace. you’re just copping to the obvious thing that even some of the ppl in your clique might feel vaguely bad abt & ignoring everything else.

& you say you just “invalidated my feelings?” LET’S GO IN-DEPTH. first, you were openly hostile for even daring to question you. you brought up corrective rape as a gotcha bc you knew that was an explosive thing to drop & you could derail any objections i have to your ranting as invalidating survivors. & when i asked for proof for your claims of ace/aro oppression & them facing corrective rape, you said you didn’t want to look at triggering material when YOU were the one who dropped corrective rape in the first place w absolute no warning & w no thought if it would trigger ME (which it fucking did btw, thx.) it was curious to me that you used corrective rape as a gotcha for ace/aro oppression when it was created to describe the violence that black lesbians face in south africa. esp in light of how you seem to have this pattern of insinuating how lesbians are somehow so accepted by the lgbt community when we’re so uniquely bigoted & we never try to keep out terfs but don’t seem to take into account how ace/aros can can also be transphobic/terfs as well as homophobic & lesbophobic. that’s not a matter of a few “shitty” ppl. lgb ppl are also allowed to be wary of any non-same sex attracted person being homophobic as they necessarily benefit for not being same sex-attracted esp when have been oppressed for displaying any kind of sexual desire & deemed better if we are asexual. & it seems like you have a pattern of only calling out lesbians instead of like also gay/bi men which i find curious. maybe you do tho & i just haven’t seen. but lesbophobia in the lgbt community esp against lesbians of color is real so it’s just odd that for you to keep saying that we have a completely comfortable position in it. also you positing lesbianism & ace/aro identity as exclusive categories does play into the stereotype that lesbians are hypersexual which is esp damaging to lesbians of color.

anyway, when i researched on my own & found no convincing evidence to support your claims, you threw a tantrum bc NO MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES & FEELINGS OF BEING OPPRESSED = ULTIMATE TRUTH OF ACE/ARO OPPRESSION. your experiences are valid & all. you��re allowed to feel upset by them. but i fail to see being ace/aro constitutes institutional oppression. in my search, i mainly saw claims of individual microaggressions and acts of verbal violence as evidence of oppression when those things by themselves don’t prove that there’s an explictly anti-ace/aro system of oppression. i can experience microaggressions for being asian & also not being into sex but those are entirely on different levels for me. i know instinctively that racism is an institutional oppression. i’m literally ace & microaggressions for that mean nothing to me in comparison. you feel differently abt it & you’re allowed but again, personal experience of microaggressions doesn’t prove institutional oppression. i also saw vague citings of a study of ppl apparently being more likely to say they’d discriminate against asexuals than lgbt ppl. the study seemed too flawed to me & doesn’t seem to take into account how ppl might know it’s bad to admit they’d discriminate against lgbt ppl but that doesn’t prove they’re not actually homophobic/transphobic. like liberal white ppl likely won’t admit that they’re racist bc they know that looks bad. doesn’t mean they’re not racist. as for corrective rape, i don’t remember finding anything that wasn’t abt violence against black lesbians & certainly not any that cites specifically anti-ace/aro motivations. i’m not saying it can never happen. but in comparison, it can be proven that cr is part of an explicit system of homophobia & misogyny against black lesbians in south africa but i didn’t see any for ace/aros. & i mean, i researched this while reading abt cr which is deeply upsetting to me as a lesbian so it’s not like this was easy for me. but i don’t rly think you have a leg to stand on in this instance bc you never provided any proof & didn’t say what your exacting reasoning on this is. it didn’t even have to be abt cr & i’m not saying you should disclose traumatic experiences, but just… say something to help me understand where you’re coming from. otherwise you look like you’re just expecting a woc to blindly accept & follow you.

& i have to bring up white ace/aro discourse elides how misogyny & patriarchy & racism & other -isms impact pressures to be sexual or asexual. poc esp black ppl are stereotyped as either hypersexual or asexual. being seen as hypersexual is dehumanizing & can be traumatic & lead to real life serious consequences. i’m literally asexual but i empathize w non-asexual poc esp woc & the struggles they face & thus have no interest in white ace/aro rhetoric that posits being sexual as a universally normal, ideal, uncomplicated privilege & asexuals are oppressed by them. also being seen as asexual/actually being asexual can be so damaging & traumatic to poc which is why so many of us are alienated by white ace/aros who posit it as a universally positive thing to be proud of. white ace/aros also imply that they can somehow face oppression by like non-sexual poc which is concerning in light of the history of racist/colonialist ideas of backwards, hypersexual black & brown menaces & seductresses versus the purity & chastity of whiteness. controlling the sexuality of poc is a key part of white supremacy so there isn’t an obvious oppressor/oppressed dynamic here like men/women, white/poc. & considering how reproductive justice is constantly under fire & how there’s societal pressure for women to be effectively asexual until (hetero) marriage, it’s hard for me to think how non-asexual women not in hetero relationships actually… benefit from being non-asexual. there’s also different expectations abt being sexual for men, esp white men, than women & white ace/aro discourse tends to ignore that. sure, men are generally encouraged to be sexual & the shaming of asexual men likely sucks. but shaming doesn’t necessarily mean ace/aro oppression & seems more like to me a symptom of patriarchy/gender roles & heteronormativity. so in my estimation, misogyny & patriarchy & racism as well as other systems of oppression like ableism, homophobia, transphobia, & classism better explain these differing expectations for being sexual or asexual rather than ace/aro vs non-ace/aros being an entirely separate dynamic. i literally couldn’t find any evidence for your claims & you got so upset at me for that but never tried giving me one piece of proof. yes, i know that oppressors demanding the oppressed to prove their oppression to them is a legitimate thing & the oppressed don’t need to feel obligated to educate them. i’ve experienced this frustration many times myself. but your behavior in this instance strikes me as white entitlement & again, a sign of you being frustrated that a woc isn’t blindly accepting you’re automatically right.

& when i started getting rly into the racism in white ace/aro discourse, you rly lost your shit. you dropped your abuse history & claimed i was invalidating you being abused for being ace when i literally never did. you straight up lied abt that. & also i know you know that i have experienced abuse & if you like bothered to think, you would take into account that i could be triggered by you dropping that out of nowhere, but instead you dropped it in an attempt to derail & get me to shut up. now this is when you suddenly rave abt how it’s obvious i’m on a bad mental health spiral & i’m believing in conspiracy theories & i’m paranoid, all a transparent attempt to make everything i said abt racism apparently wrong. w/o giving me a chance to reply, you promptly blocked like a coward. oh, also truly hilarious how you’re such a hypocrite for bringing up your friend’s mental health crisis as an excuse for your racialized misogyny when you literally used my mental illnesses to derail & attack me & dropped 2 instances of potentially triggering shit as gotchas & never took into account how this all could impact MY mental health.

rose also sent me a long ass screed abt how i’m rigid & narrow-minded & crazy & paranoid & lied abt how i’m guilting her abt not being an activist which i explained multiple times i wasn’t. she blocked before i could respond. so not just you but your clique sure seem to love throwing tantrums abt how your feelings equal the ultimate truth & how dare some bitch try to think critically abt institutional oppression & process her thoughts on her private twitter & be, god forbid, socially conscious. who does that chink think she is, am i right? why isn’t she just a doormat & shut up? why is she making us UNCOMFORTABLE?!?!?!! like maybe ask yourselves why you take it so personally & you all don’t like it when i talk abt sj & activism. rly look inside yourself for why that is.

& as soon as you’re all done with your ravings, which are full of lies & deliberate misinterpretations of what i said & massive projection & anti-intellectualism & manipulation & guilt-tripping, you all block so you don’t have to face the consequences or have to hear me out. that’s so fucking spineless & cowardly. & that’s so loaded since you all prevented me from saying anymore on racism. that’s just classic white fragility & a fear of outspoken, critical woc making you uncomfortable abt race. oh, also shout out to runa who acted “impartial” but did effectively the same thing as you. she acted concerned abt my mental health so she could convince me i’m crazy & get me to shut up abt institutional oppression & racism & instead focus on “fun things” (i.e. non-political, safe topics so she could feel comfortable). i feel esp disappointed in her bc that kind of wishy washy behavior is extremely irritating & patronizing & two-faced to me. i hated her acting like she was worried abt me when she was effectively doing the same thing as you, silencing me & making me feel crazy which means everything i say is wrong.

really try to reflect why you all thought it was threatening when i tried to facilitate a productive dialogue, i did try to be level-headed & open-minded, emphasized that i just want to understand your pov, researched on my own for your claims, & processed my thoughts on institutional oppression & my experiences as a lesbian woc who’s also ace. i tried to open up a dialogue but you refused & threw a hissy fit bc i dared to not join your echo chamber & tried looking at actual data instead of just believing that you’re automatically right w no proof which is esp loaded in this situation bc you’re white. sjc also pulled this on me too so yes i am angry you also did the same. you all treated me in such bad fucking faith & pulled such fucking passive aggressive, manipulative, cowardly, idiotic bullshit.

god, you know what? your behavior in this indicated a huge sense of white entitlement & a problem w black & white thinking & accompanying self-righteousness. i try so hard to be nuanced & compassionate & flexible & see from your pov & i clearly stated i wanted a dialogue.. what did i get in return for it? not even the bare minimum. you treated me like fucking shit & never gave me even a tiny bit of effort or consideration. that’s racialized misogyny. how fucking dare you give me this fucking insipid half-assed fake apology. you didn’t even fucking try to think abt how you actually hurt me. all i’m getting here is you attempting to assuage a vague sense of guilt FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. not even attempting to think abt how i’m an actual real human being w my own emotions, thoughts, & will. how fucking selfish can you get. not the first fucking time white ppl wanted me just be a doormat, to be their submissive smiling oriental doll only there to validate their stupid, self-centered asses & not the first time their apology was abysmal. actually, you know what, i don’t even know why i even bothered writing all this fucking shit trying to explain myself & wasting my time on you again when you’ve never tried to do anything for me, not even make a fucking decent apology.

in conclusion, this was all v obviously steeped in racism & white entitlement/fragility all in an attempt to silence me bc how fucking dare some woc bring up social justice issues in a way that’s not catered to you. you’ve all shown your asses & clearly demonstrated ableism & racialized misogyny. i’m profoundly disappointed in all of you & you’ve all hurt me so much. i’m blocking you now bc you’ve proven yourself to be a lost cause.

#corrective rape tw #rape tw #ableism tw #the-final-resplendent-pam #the final resplendent pam #askbox #uig.y.eon #abuse mention

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lm111 · 3 years

Text

hi,

sorry been kind of absent recently. I’m okay, nothing too good nothing to bad. I talked to my dead grandma two nights ago. I’ve done it before and its comforting but the second i say her fucking name i break down. the funny thing is i only knew her when i was a baby and when she had dementia. but apparently she had a soft spot for me and liked me the most and apparently i took my first steps in her hospital. Idk growing up my mom always said i was like her and even though she meant it in a negative way i didn’t mind it. i’ve always had a connection to her but in the past few months i’ve realized she is my spirit guide and honestly its been very comforting. I don’t think i believe in god but if i did i feel like she is my own personal god if that makes any sense.

i honestly feel like in these past few months i have grown a lot as a person and just matured so much and hav emade so many improvements in who i am as a person. even though ive always been mature since i was little, this is like a new form of maturity for me. im realizing what i need to do to better myself and actually completing those things. even yesterday i comminicated to a friend abt something that was bothering me with her, and im proud. it seems small but i would have never done that in the past because i don’t like to upset others. but i think part of this maturity has just shown me that i can’t do that anymore. i know what its liked to be deeply depressed and i fucking hated it, so at this point i will do anything to be fucking happy even if it means upsetting someone else. im not going to be unhappy just because im afraid of something being uncomfortable.

in therapy today we talked about a goal of being very present this summer. for some reason when i think of this summer i think abt it being amazing and i will do my fucking hardest to live up to that. it sounds easier than it is to just let go of all my shit but one of the big things i want to work on is staying in the moment and just not giving a flying fuck. i dont want to have to worry about the way i walk or speak or look anymore because i truly dont care. ive worked too hard to let this dumb shit affect me. i dont need male validation because i know i am worthy of a amazing things and i know that i am a beautiful person inside and out.

thjats another thing i want to work on. i don’t always need to look amazing to impress guys or stupid shit like that. i am who i am and no boy is ever going to make me change who i am ever again. i will never allow myself to be in a situation again where the way a boy speaks to me determines how i feel. ive worked to hard and grown to much to deal with that. if i get in a relationship then its going to be a healthy one - where we comminucate and are both happy. im not wasting my time on anything else.

holy shit i just wrote an essay.

anyways pray i do good on my math test tomorrow!

love u all

bye

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

Text

thanks to @cigaretteburnslikefairylights for tagging me w this ask meme......everyone out there who also likes to fill out ask memes coz we’re gay just feel tf free to copy/paste that shit

A - Age: 24

B - Birthplace: VA....ive never yet lived anywhere else smh

C - Current time: 10:46p

D - Drink you last had: uhhh it was like 2/5 coffee & 3/5 milk + a lil bit of choc syrup i threw in there like fuck it lol

E - Easiest person to talk to: idk there’s a bunch of ppl im chill w

F - Favorite song: n/a

G - Grossest memory: umm idk once it took me like a solid 50 min to take a moldy box out of a mini fridge

H - Horror yes or horror no: like the genre overall? yes

I - In love?: no

J - Jealous of people?: sure yeah lol....its not like personal like fuck you, person, but i feel jealous abt basic ass things. i want that and am annoyed its beyond reach, at least. but for fairly basic things i dont have like friendship or excitement or any element of life im satisfied w so im not too upset w myself for feeling jealous sometimes of other ppl. i think it happens for everyone and its not inherently a sign of u being evil or whatever

L - Love at first sight or should i walk by again?: god if someone tried to use A Line it would be like we cant even be friends but also no. you can accurately get an immediate good vibe from someone & be interested / attracted to them but i dont think the love ppl talk abt for longterm, serious relationships is the same thing you are gonna immediately sense w someone within 3 sec

M - Middle name: starts w B

N - Number of siblings: i have a younger brother and older sister

O - One wish: damn uhh......it’d fuck up the whole world like take it back to british imperialism and shit and be like...no. but how far back in european history can we trace the roots of that. it would get complicated

P - Person you called last: nooo clue

Q - Question you are always asked: every time ppl ask me abt my being quiet its too much. its always some rhetorical ass shit like what am i supposed to say. also im actually secretly talkative, im just quiet in situations and around ppl i dont want to talk to. if im especially silent around you dont talk to me ever........

R - Reason to smile: .....funney video

S - Song you sang last: umm heartbreaker by taio cruz? or is it called break your heart

T - Time you woke up: first it was like 7am and then i was like naptime and had a great dream about being on a roadtrip in an rv and enlisting the help of a nun to find fellow gays in the area, and it was successful. had some weirdly fun, positive dreams the past couple nights, and both times abt being gay. anyways then i woke up and it was like 12:30 and i was like yoink

U - Underwear color: i just checked and its this black/green/magenta deal. fashion

V - Vacation destination: idk..........i’ll do the camino de santiago, does that count as a vacay? i guess it can be.

W - Worst habit: eternal procrastination i guess. just how i roll. but actually its that i always kinda bite my lips and need lip balm on hand 24/7 all my days

X - X-rays: have i had any? dentistry yeah

Y - Your favorite food: i always just go with ice cream but i dont really have any. how abt this sauce you make w chicken stock and butter? delisaus

Z - Zodiac sign: pisces

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goldenscript · 7 years

Text

jack frost!minhyuk

lee minhyuk, a man of not only jovial fun but of snow and frost and all the glorious white mush that dusts lush green lawns and ices over ponds and nips at everyone’s noses

he’s the kind of spirit that accepted his fate and didn’t mind the tasks they thrusted at him bc what else could he do??? fight the greater deities for cursing him????

you could say he’s an optimist because there’s no other way to see life at this point

he’s always been that kind of half full guy and he’ll always make the most of any situation so knowing that he let his younger sister have a life is all that he can ever ask for - he just happened to be given a second chance

this time to bring joy and life to others like he had with his sister

it took him quite a while to get acclimated to being a holiday spirit, but having fun has always been his kind of thing

he often played games with his sister, ice skating, snowball fights, sledding,,, all that good stuff

so when he was given the ability to control the one thing he loved the most in the world (aside from his lil’ sis) he made sure to make the most of every winter season

at first, he was always shy to interact with younger kids because he was so sure that no one could see him - the first time someone walked right past him, he sulked for ages ok

but then he meets your great aunt who lives away from the city and on the outskirts - at the time she didn’t have a lot of friends so she just wished for one and somehow minhyuk and her crossed paths

not that it was an accident or anything, but he has fled from the city with a sad heart, wandering until he stumbled across a lake that resembled the one when he was alive and he saw your great aunt

when she saw him, she lit up despite being so shy but she just knew he was so okay so she greeted him and gosh did he warm up

she looked right at him and nodded when he pointed at himself like “me??” and she asked him if he wanted to play and that’s what began their time together

even well into her adult life as she married and had kids, she still believed in him because he became such a huge part of her childhood and she invited him to do the same with her children

they didn’t quite remember him as they grew older but it came as a relief to him that she did

when she was alone and withered by age, he still came to see her and eventually saw you

not many people liked to visit her because she was always talking about a “minhyuk” but neither you nor your parents cared (though your parents more or less pitied the older woman tbh) so they let you stay with her and you became his playmate

you knew him by minnie than minhyuk,,, always shrieking his name in laughter and elation because he was the best playmate you’d ever known

most importantly, because he could conjure up snow,,,, tho he was total cheat at snowball fights ngl & at the end, he would let you win and pelt him with snowballs then return to the cottage with you for your great aunt’s famous hot cocoa

and many years went on like this and the loneliness you felt sort of melted away because all you can remember is fondness in your childhood and of a boy named minnie

who still thinks abt you tbh,,, he stops by your aunt’s to ask abt you and help her and he just,,, hopes that you’d come back one day

tbh, you’re not sure when you stopped believing in minnie but you do know it came right as soon as your visits to your great aunt grew less and less

even when you did stop, you mostly cared for her and tried to help her esp during the summer when the weather was the hottest bc she insisted she was fine during winters

unlike her own kids, you helped her the most - your parents encouraged it though mostly for their own benefit to rake up than anything else

after college, with a job lined up and everything, you actually decide to move there instead of a place in the city like they wanted and they disliked how you decided not to sell the house when you were gifted the cottage in her will

ofc now,,,, you’re scared

it’s the first time you’re truly living alone and caring for a small place all on your own but you’re also comforted by the nostalgia because the faint memories of your great aunt and your imaginary friend minnie - a point in time when life was easier than worrying about living and paying bills

one day when you’re on the ice abt to skate and you’re wobbling he actually appears and says “still not good on the ice huh?”

you’re surprised, rubbing your eyes in disbelief, “minnie??????????????”

he just smiles, “well it’s minhyuk but you can still call me minnie!!!”

you’re almost certain it’s a dream but you don’t care bc you want to enjoy this moment and not think abt bills and taxes and all that other crap that’s sure to take away the fun from life

so you just grin and say, “hi minhyuk, i’m y/n”

“i know!”

“you do??”

“i remember u,,,, i was hoping you’d come back actually”

you’re surprised but before you can scold your dream self for being so childish you realize you don’t really care

and !!! he admits he’s always had the most fun with you bc you were always telling him silly stories and making him laugh and it makes you so happy that you can’t stop yourself from doing it again

this time with robots and dinosaurs and the great world war of the past and present and other great stuff you hadn’t actually told anyone since they were all pretty unconventional stories

you go to bed that first night wishing you didn’t have to wake up because this was first time you actually felt free since you last moved there but even in your dreams he’s there and it makes you smile and sleep well

the next day,,, you wake up a little late but you’re quick to get ready to run errands and you’re still pretty dazed as you walk off the bus and toward your cottage until you see a pair of feet that could only belong to one person

you almost drop the hot cocoa ingredients and he’s immediately scooping the items into his arms and scolding you like “careful!!! sheesh”

you laugh a little nervously bc you swore you were dreaming the other day ago bc he can’t be really right??

but as you both round the corner of the pathway toward the front door, he just laughs and says, “srsly you aren’t I’m really here”

he even lets you poke his cheek and squeeze his arm just to make sure because you’re seriously trying to wrap your head around the fact that your imaginary friend from childhood may not have been imaginary after all,,, but you figure he isn’t some malevolent spirit trying to kill you,,, hopefully

so you’re like “well,,, would you like to come in for hot cocoa then?” and as he makes himself at home, enjoying the way you decorated and everything, you make your great aunt’s secret recipe which he loves too

and the moment realization strikes him, his features just like up and he’s like “!!!!!!!!!! you’re amazing”

you laugh and you thank him for always making your childhood really fun and for keeping you company

he’s just like “yeah ofc it’s what your great aunt wanted,,,,”

and you smile a lil sad but he just puts his hand on top of yours to comfort you and it makes you smile,,, bc he’s still nice and kind as ever and that,,,, seriously warms your heart

it just becomes this routine to stay with minhyuk, do errands, and even once in a while go to your job with him present bc ur office is pretty secluded from everyone else’s

he makes u laugh and feel really happy like even more than reliving your childhood nostalgia and you’re certain that it might be more than a platonic thing but you don’t want to say anything

it isn’t until one day when jooheon, a guy from ur office, asks you out and minhyuk is actually frowning and pouting bc “??? are you really going out with this guy???? why not spend time with me??”

you actually have to excuse yourself to take minhyuk aside like “??? what’s ur deal”

but he just clamps up because how can he just say that without coming off as some child y’know??

so he’s just like “um,,,, i,,, i don’t know! what’s urs?”

of course, you’re confused but before you can say anything else he just disappears and says he’ll see you later

,,,but by “later” he actually means later bc he doesn’t appear for a few days especially since ur lil’ hangout with jooheon

it wasn’t even anything special either since all you could think about was minhyuk and if he was ok because he seemed really upset and the thought of him upset actually,,, hurt you,,, A Lot

so anyway, you’re out in your backyard drinking hot cocoa with a plate of cookies and there’s another mug for him

you’re just sitting there like “where r u dummy?” but he doesn’t show up and it’s starting to get really cold so you leave it out and the next morning you find the plate and mug washed in your dish rack

and the rest of the day kind of drone on without minhyuk’s company and it makes you even more sad bc you miss him terribly

turns out he misses you too !!

well, duh

in all that time you two spent together, he’s grown attached to you and a part of him has been at war with himself since then because is that even ok ??

he’s known you since childhood and you’ve seen him as a figment of your imagination ,,, having feelings for you now seems so out of the question but then he thinks back to the way you look with snow caught in ur hair,,, the way you’ll hold his hand real tight even when you’re both inside,,, the fact that you can make ur great aunt’s hot cocoa and cookies so effortlessly ???

but ok rlly,, you’ve become such a kind and caring soul with such a selfless way of thinking and it makes him feel so happy to see that y’know??

it also makes him sad tho bc you told him abt how you were pretty much alone since your parents didn’t like your decisions to keep your great aunt’s place and how you didn’t have a lot of friends just bc of your parents and honestly he was your sole friend

like that? that breaks his heart and it makes him so freaking torn because he doesn’t want to hurt you like that yknow?

he doesn’t want to abandon you but he also doesn’t want to have these feelings for you but he just,,, he can’t help himself

even when his friends keep telling him to leave well enough alone, he looks to the man on the moon and he just,,, knows that this is where he should be

(ofc after all his tasks are done and all,,, which doesn’t take long but he sees that one of the weather spirits are being particularly mean and aiming a storm in your area and it has him racing there)

one night there’s a particularly horrid snow storm with lightning and thunder and you’re kinda terrified bc you’ve never been that keen on thunderstorms

and to be frank, it’s the first time you’ve ever suffered through a storm in the cottage without your great-aunt too,,,,

but minhyuk shows up bc he can’t stand seeing you so freaked out and he eases up on the snow even tho some of it isn’t his doing

(though he’s sure to deal with that later)

he asks if you’re ok and u get only a lil snippy bc “where have you been, you chicken head????? how could u just leave me and take my hot cocoa???”

he apologizes and admits he’s jealous bc jooheon can be seen out with u and u won’t look crazy and he just,,,, really likes u.

in all that time you two spent together, even in that time apart - it dawns on you why it upset you so much that he left and it isn’t just cuz he’s one of your only friends

so you say, “god you’re a dummy” and before he complain, you admit, “i like you too so don’t leave me ok it makes me sad”

he just lights up and a lot of the angry snow sort of dissipates as he draws you into his arms and feels you tighten ur hold on him

and because of this, it makes u both closer than ever

like christmas is even better than ever bc even tho your parents weren’t keen on that stuff, he helps u decorate and make cookies for santa (tho he eats them because he refuses to share those godsent cookies)

you both exchange gifts and he adores the mittens you made him with the lopsided thumbs and you love the snowflake necklace he had made and purchased (it took lots of begging from the man on the moon just to have a physical form that day even for like ,,,, 2 hours,,,, yes shopping really took that long for him,,,, rip)

and as you both get up from your spots on the rug by the fire place to put the dishes away by the doorway, he can’t help but point up when you’re down with the dishes with this cute, mischievous smile

you look up, brow raised and cheeks flushed but you pull him downward by the collar of his sweater and y’all kiss under the mistletoe

of course, it makes you sad when spring rolls in but he promises to pop in even if it is unconventional and he gets in trouble

and boy does the man on the moon do a good scolding every now and then, just for him

but even the spirits love the two of you together and they’ll send you nice gifts because it makes them happy to see minhyuk happy after this long

regardless of everything, even with the grand design telling you both that this won’t work out, you’re content bc he’s in your heart and you’re in his

#mxwriters #mxnetwork #minhyuk scenarios #monsta x minhyuk #minhyuk x reader #minhyuk fluff #minhyuk angst #minhyuk au #monsta x fanfiction #monsta x fanfic #monsta x scenarios #monsta x headcanon #monsta x au #monsta x fluff #monsta x angst #emswriting

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