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brightlypainted · 17 days

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I went completely bananas and wrote a full analysis of Joker Out and JO fandom stuff and situation... idk

Hi baby boos!

I’ve seen some confusion regarding JO’s latest announcements and social media activity (or lack thereof) so I've tried to analyze the current situation with a critical eye 🤓

I don't use Tumblr much so you're probably more familiar with my Twitter but I got suggested to post this here for easier reading (and... better audience in general 👀)

Long rant under the cut:

Before I begin I must point out that these are my opinions and theories. I have no idea how JO’s communication and management is being organized right now, I’m just making assumptions based on my perception as a fan 🤷‍♀️

(also I’m a communication graduate but my studies and current job cover this sector only tangentially so I may not know how some/most of this works…)

Let’s start with comparing last year’s situation to the current one: one year ago the boys were riding high on the wave of enthusiasm, having had a successful ESC (despite the ending placement) and having gained a lot of attention as fan favorite competitors ✨

A very high % of the growing fanbase, esp the international one, was coming directly or tangentially through ESC and how do you maintain that attention once the contest is over? you increase your social media presence and you start planning international concerts. which they did!

This constant exposure to content made the fandom flourish: we were all witnessing how easily people from everywhere could join and already feel at the very center of attention, both because JO’s communication was being very active and successful and also thanks to fanmade organizations like JokerOutSubs, group chats, old time Slovenian fans sharing juicy pre-ESC content, etc. I'll be grateful forever

We had a past year that could be divided into 2 halves in terms of communication: it all went extremely well until more or less the end of 2023 (last tour dates in Spain) and then started gradually becoming very odd and chaotic all through 2024 until last month’s complete draught

We know that they mostly tend to manage their online presence on their own, so ofc during breaks and during very busy times is harder for them to find good content to share. They had also been very clear about needing time off their phones all through the London era and the album recording in Hamburg, so that didn’t come as a surprise for fans 🤷‍♀️

But having very sensible, personal reasons to quit/decrease social media presence has unfortunately no meaning in communication, where the laws are very simple: once you stop sharing, you stop existing

I don’t want to criticize their choices, because they are entitled to their privacy and offline time. I’m just pointing out that this very long, hiccup-y period probably could have been avoided with better management and with the presence of a smm/pre-planned sm communication 🙃

It also unfortunately happened concurrently to the new ESC season, which was bound to “organically” erode part of the fandom anyway, and to an EU tour that, although successful, has still highlighted a lazy/bad management and yet again a communication that made little to no sense at times (es. the whole campaign that subtly asked people to go to more than one concert, which clearly made fans with less financial and logistical possibilities feel ‘lacking’ and ‘inferior’) 🙄

In their defense, the tour was to establish a fanbase more than gaining more fans and exposure, so pushing for getting more of a loyal than an occasional fanbase wasn’t completely wrong an idea… it just backfired

And it did because the greatest part of their international fanbase is made of very young people who aren’t financially independent and whose interests are bound to be fleeting and shifting ESPECIALLY when they aren’t constantly met with content production/consumption

Let’s also not forget that having completely shifted their attention to international waters at the expense of the Slovenian/regional fanbase has been very risky. We still can’t tell if the gamble was successful or not

It’s never a good idea to ignore/neglect your hardcore supporters, the very people that helped you raise to your current standards. it’s true they are the most loyal, but they are also very easily the ones that could feel more betrayed

I also think it’s very risky trying to shift the fans’ content consumption out of social media and into a (controlled, easier to manage, ofc) site like Openstage for two main reasons: as said before, complete disappearance from socials means communicational suicide and until now, the “dedicated content” directed toward fans on the site has been… too bland and generic (sorry)(they can learn how to improve that)

Openstage has other very interesting uses tho, firstly the early access to ticket sales and secondly the tracking of international fan presence, which was pretty clearly the main goal and reason why they opened the site in the first place... so it’s not ex ante a bad communication choice, just (until now) one that has yet to show its potential and usefulness

So what now? I think it’s time they make a few considerations and sensible choices to maintain what’s currently the status quo and in order to tackle festival season in the best way

They need to keep their international presence by opening their fanbase to a new kind of fans: festivals bring exposure to bands from a very specific type of fanbase, more interested in music than in contents. If they manage to capture the interest of Sziget people, for example, they could gather a new type of international fanbase less interested in the “social media” content consumption and more in the “I wanna see these guys play again, somewhere else, maybe a show of their own” way

(which, to be completely fair, could be the best choice to cure their current crazy/shifting/confusing fanbase state, giving them more peace of mind, more privacy and a more “normal” rock band experience than the one they had in the past year… that we can all agree has been pretty bad at times)

I personally think this summer season must go in the quantity direction (gaining more new fans) and at the same time in the quality direction (less shows, bigger stages) and this is why some of you are disappointed in seeing so little shows compared to last year or to the SYS tour... I get it

Many of us, me included, won’t be seeing JO live for the whole summer season, and I’m aware that is disappointing, but I hope this analysis has helped you put things into perspective and consider maybe one of the possible reasons why this next phase for Joker Out is being organized this way

I’m still hoping they’ll find a good compromise with their social media communication, because right now I really feel that being the main issue with the gradual but constant drop in traction (please boys hire a smm. i adore jan’s sad edits and the unhinged video and stories like the next person but serious work has to be done too)

Ending the rant on a note of hope: I wish to see you all enjoy the summer and the content to come and I hope for the boys to have a successful, fun season full of new experiences, new music, new people, fresh ideas for the future. I’m honestly very excited for what’s to come! 🌻

#joker out #bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #jan peteh #jure maček #nace jordan #long post #analysis

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insertsomthinawesome · 4 months

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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

#isa screams #long post #gif #flashing #i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG #I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange?#its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though #I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly #but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do #its a tricky thing #but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay #if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG #thanks if you read this! I appreciate it!#I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express.#But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak #And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right?#And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get #part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions #am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am #I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life.#But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)

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highhhfiveee · 7 months

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okay, this has been my literal roman empire. what if gf!y/n and abby are having a little karaoke moment to a song and mike walks in and sees both of them together, and you can write the rest.

i don’t know why but i can’t stop thinking about it.

remember to take care of yourself 🫶🫶

this is so very cute (,: but alas, for "to crumble" mike and reader, this is but a thing of the past.

tags: "to crumble" mike and reader, foreshadowy fluff (: pretty cute stuff that hurts in retrospect 💔

karaoke therapy

a "to crumble" ficlet.

original fic: 🩹 / additional ficlet, facetime: 🤳🏽

you come over to watch abby on a friday night so you're able to stay with her and mike for the entirety of saturday. your weekends are usually occupied by grading since you're nearing the end of the fall semester, but you're forcing time with abby and mike into your schedule because it's what you really want. life wasn't all about work and bills and adulting; you could do the things you enjoyed if you planned for it and so you did.

you'd driven over with enough haste to get you pulled over, toting enough stuff to last you a day and your excitement, large and beaming brightly in your demeanor. you were jittery walking up the drive, shaking out the anxiety in your body as you knock on the door.

abby answers the door, causing you to shift your gaze downward. she's already in her pajamas, the cute, pink bunny slippers you got her for her birthday donned on her feet. she smiles at you, opening the door further so you can step inside. "hi, y/n. you're just in time, mike made lasagna."

"yeah, it's on the stove. it's slightly burnt," mike calls from down the hall, walking into the living room as he slips his arms through the holes of his security vest. "but we'll say crispy on top instead. hi, baby." he grabs your face, pulling you into a couple small pecks, ones he backs away from with a lazy smile. you twist your lips, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. you and mike hadn't been dating for long, a short but serious four months, and you always felt so dizzy when you saw him, bewildered at the fact that he was your boyfriend. he was so sweet, so caring, hard-working, and unlike anyone you'd dated before. he worked so hard to provide for abby and change his future, and it made your attraction to him greater. he wanted you in that future, and it excited you for what was to come.

"gotta leave so soon?" you pout. mike's eyes soften as you caress his cheek, sighing as he reaches down for his bag.

"unfortunately. traffic's bad tonight, there was a huge crash and i gotta take backroads, howeverrrrr," mike ruffles abby's hair, causing her to grumble and gives you one last kiss, the dreamy, far-off look in his eyes accompanied with a lip bite, "i will see you both tomorrow morning, bright and early. have fun, and goodnight."

mike gives abby a kiss on the top of her head before he exits to his car, and you close the door behind you, dropping your duffle onto the floor. "okay," you announce, placing your hands on your bent knees as you turn to abby. "lasagna while we play board games or do karaoke?"

karaoke wins by a landslide. abby's been loving to sing recently, starting to get more comfortable with her growing vocals. she really only shows it to you, and ever since you've showed her karaoke, you've encouraged her to have fun and try different things; different inflections, tones, anything else she feels like she could do to make it her own. you loved to see her blossom singing in front of the brightly colored, ever-changing lyrics, using her hairbrush as a microphone.

you use your own too, setting it down on the coffee table to take a bite of lasagna and garlic bread while you watch abby sing along to call me maybe. she rocks on her heels in front of the tv, eyes tracking alongside the moving text.

you encourage her between forkfuls, providing her with background vocals and hype, giving her an "okay!" once she gets to the prechorus. she begins to dance, bouncing around the space between the coffee table and the tv. she gives her all to the chorus, making a good attempt at belting the notes.

"you sound so good, abs," you praise, wiping your mouth off on a napkin before grabbing the remote to change the karaoke video. "here, let's try some other ones. eat some food while i find them, 'kay?"

meanwhile, mike is sat in his car, idling behind others on the backroad he decided to take. traffic on these roads had increased because of the crash on the freeway, and there was no way he was getting to work any time soon. he'd been sitting bumper to bumper with these cars for about ten minutes, and he feels irritation creeping up into him, tapping his fingers against the wheel and leaning his head into the palm of his hand, elbow resting on the window. not even listening to the radio helps him, and eventually he just turns it off, succumbing to the sound of bad brakes and purring engines.

his mind floats away with thoughts of you, and how happy you looked he saw you at the house, all giddy and excited to be there. he loved you, loved when you were around. abby did too. you'd both agreed that your presence made the house feel complete, and that's all mike could think about, wondering how to bring up the question he'd been dwelling on for the past few weeks.

he should be home, on the couch watching tv with you and abby, or eating dinner, sat at the table and talking about your days and what hopes you had for the future. what things you found interesting. interacting like humans, having real moments; being present. mike had trouble with that, sleeping so much to keep up with the demand of working overnight. he tried to be there for abby as much as he could, helping her with her homework and making sure she was fed and feeling okay after her school days, but sometimes he felt like it was just an autonomous thing he did, moving on autopilot. the days blended together until you entered the equation, completely breaking up the monotony in his life with your being.

he should be home, not sitting in between all these aluminum machines, breathing in the acrid smells of oil and gasoline.

"fuck it," mike mutters, checking his blinds before pulling a turn off the main road and making his way around all the traffic, heading back towards the house.

freddy's was locked. no one would be around to do anything, no one ever was, and he was sure that it would be fine if he missed one night. he speeds back home, gripping the steering wheel with intent. he has people to get to, time to spend with the ones he loves. life's too short, he ruminates, and there's never enough time for moments of happiness like the ones he gets from you and abby.

he pulls into the driveway, exiting the car with the same jaunty energy you had earlier and unlocking the door with zeal. "decided to come back home. traffic wa---"

"my loneliness...is killing me,"

"and i...."

"i must confess, i still believe..."

"still believe!" you point your index finger to the sky as you hit the note, giggling along with abby as she attempts it too. "when i'm not with you, i lose my mind...give me a signnnnnnnnn," you're spinning around with your brush clutched in both hands, eyes closed and body fully invested in the music. mike doesn't think he's heard you sing before, not so solemnly like this. your voice is beautiful.

"hit me baby---oh jeez, mike!" you squeal in time to the music as abby finishes out the chorus, turning to face her brother as well. he's just staring at you two, jovially twisted lips and crossed arms and this twinkling look in his eye that makes you squirm. no one's ever looked at you like that, and you replace your hairbrush with the remote, stopping the video.

"sorry, i'm just...helping abby expand her iconic pop song repertoire. gotta start with one of the classics." abby nods as mike waves off your apology, setting his bag next to yours on the floor. "yeah, y/n is introducing me to such great songs. i'm really enjoying britney spears. what was that other song we did?"

"toxic," you reply, tucking your hair behind your ear. "that was a really fun one."

"uh huh, it was! it was all---" abby mimics the whiny synth strings, causing mike to laugh, coming around to the front of the couch. he wraps his arm around your waist, twirling you to face him. you place both of your hands on his shoulders, gazing deeply into his content eyes. "let me hear more of your singing, abs," he asks, and she starts the video up again, pretending the small sliver of space where she stands is a professional stage.

mike begins to sway your bodies, slowly waltzing you around as abby's untrained voice soundtracks your dance. "don't know why you were apologizing. hearing and watching you two have fun is the greatest thing ever, baby. love seeing you spend time together."

you blush, ducking your head into his collarbone. "it's just a silly thing i do by myself at home. guess i kinda got abby super interested in it...lots of fun though. lots of fun."

mike is quiet for a while, spinning you around gently. you can feel his heartbeat through his clothes, speed up-ticking with every second. he's looking down on you, watching your eyelash flutter with each serene blink you take, then looking at abby, who's searching through other karaoke videos and humming the melody of baby one more time with a bob of her head.

all mike can feel right now is this moment. he feels every second pass, overly-conscious to the fact that he's living and breathing in this instant. this was the present he'd always wanted to be in, and he doesn't want to let go of it. he wants this forever. his question gnaws at him, chewing away at his stomach, and he finally just blurts it out.

you're about to pull away from him to ask him if he's okay when he whispers, "move in with us." you're taken aback, raising from his chest and staring at him, eyebrows furrowed and lips wrinkled.

"mike.."

"you don't have to answer right now," he clarifies, sighing as he shakes his head. "i meant to ask it as a question, i'm sorry." you chuckle, reaching your fingers up into the hair at the nape of his neck. "just...let me know if you want to. i love having you here, abby loves having you here. i know it's still pretty early for us but...we could be a bona fide family, the three of us."

you squeeze mike a little tighter, a sort of answer to his question. there wasn't anything stopping you, truly. his house was closer to the school you worked at, and you could drop abby off at her school in the mornings so mike could get enough rest to pick her up in the afternoons. you could have home-cooked dinners, and spend the weekends together, taking abby to art museums and libraries, theme parks and other attractions.

you really could be a family. you were still young, your relationship with mike moderately fresh, but...the idea sounded nice.

"think about it," mike instructs, pulling away from you and ducking down to look at your obscured face. "no rush, okay?" he steps away from you after giving you a kiss to the forehead, grabbing for your hairbrush. a video for i'm like a bird by nelly furtado has started playing, and mike saddles up to abby, hip bumping her as he prepares to sing. "gonna be your backup singer, that okay?"

"yeah, yeah, just do it well! c'mon, c'mon it's starting! you're beautiful, that's for sure..." you take a seat on the couch, hugging your knees to your chest as you watch and listen, giggling along to mike's off-pitch ad-libs and timing mistakes. abby squeals at him, bursting into a fit of laughter and incorrect lyrics as he tickles at her torso.

you could get used to this, you think. maybe moving wouldn't be so bad.

how cute for it to all just go ka-blammy (,: going to write a part 2 for "to crumble" and i know y'all said y'all wanted it sweet but hmmmm...i think we need some angst. just stay tuned 🤞🏽

faire's seedlings ✿

@leahdhopkins4321-@pyr0-kai-@angstywhore-@sunazroo-@nyxthoughtss-@mirophobic-@fayethor-@marixsimps-@regretfulme-@ithinkitszeph-@707xn-@cattt777-@violetta-ximena-@amnesia33-@topnerd03-@fastnights-@laprvphette-@savage-aespa-@mfdxz-@0-tatiana-0-@dusstory-@delwrites

#fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf fic #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt fluff #faire’s mike schmidt <3 #faire answers asks #faire is writing stuff #josh hutcherson #mike schmidt #this is just so cute and it sucks what comes after it #like writing their past is kind of sick of me #it's not like that anymore and i'm just reminiscing #so are they </3

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crescent-lockhart97 · 11 months

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Random First Class Trio + Zack Headcanons #3: Crack Version

Angeal:

His favorite workout song is "YMCA" by Village People.

He's definitely knocked out Wutai soldiers like this:

Somebody once mistook him as Zack's father due to similarities in their features. He didn't even try to correct them.

His sneeze is louder than the Krakatoa explosion.

Rickrolled everyone by singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley at a company gala while he was drunk. (Sephiroth and Genesis didn't speak to him for a month. 💀💀)

Makes terrible dad jokes that even Zack cannot stomach. (He's definitely done that "Hi, hungry! I'm dad!" shit with Zack. 😂😂)

Genesis:

He is a big Fergie fan and knows her songs by heart. He can also rap that part in "Fergalicious."

He did an iconic dance number to "Umbrella" with Andrea Rhodea at the Honeybee Inn like this:

He also likes Lady Gaga and blasts "Bad Romance" every time he and Sephiroth spar with each other.

He hates horror movies. He's the loudest out of the trio when watching them (he's either screaming at the characters or at the monsters/ghosts).

Aside from LOVELESS, he also quotes "Mean Girls" on the regular. (Guess who he quotes the most... 😉😉)

Totally has a blog for Shinra blinds just because (basically who's dating or fucking who, juicy stuff on important Shinra officials and staff, etc.). He once published a blind on Rufus defacing one of President Shinra's statues with a drawing of a dick. No matter how many times Shinra has gotten it shut down, Genesis somehow manages to keep on reviving it. Recently, Kunsel and some members of Red Leather have joined his team.

Sephiroth:

Can't stand spicy food. He avoids it as much as he can. Eating spicy foods will cause his eyes to water and his nose to redden like this:

(Genesis managed to snap an unfortunate photo of him dying from the spiciness of the curry and sent it to the Silver Elite fanclub with the caption, "IS THIS YOUR KING???" 🤭🤭)

Somehow, he has the most wins in UNO and Monopoly.

Catwoman is his favorite DC character; Black Cat is his favorite Marvel character. (Gee, I wonder why... 🤔🤔)

Whenever he goes outside, a horde of cats just mysteriously flock to him. Genesis and Angeal find it both amusing and creepy. (My aunt is actually like this. Wherever she goes, cats mysteriously gather around her, it's so freaky! 😭😭😭)

He can actually do the lazy eye trick, and loves to freak Genesis out with it.

He once dressed as Sadako/Samara Morgan from "The Ring" for the Halloween costume contest... and WON.

Zack:

Has sung "Jenny" by The Click Five using a shortened version of Genesis's name to annoy him. ("I'm standing still, Genny!" "Be quiet, you overgrown mutt!" "You got me on my knees, Genny!")

(This ends up with Genesis summoning Ifrit on Zack's ass 😂😂)

He and Kunsel quote Vines all the time, usually around any of the First Class Trio or Lazard just so they could revel in their confused faces.

Zack and Kunsel: *to Angeal* You are my daaaaad! You're my dad! Boogie woogie woogie!!!

Angeal:

Once, after getting drunk during the SOLDIER game night, he and the lower-class SOLDIERs thought it was a good idea to go sledding down the building stairs, so they brought mattresses from their dorms to use as makeshift sleds. Needless to say, the infirmary reached full capacity that night.

On April Fools' Day, he somehow managed to hijack Shinra's PA system and started playing "Careless Whisper" on full blast.

He's a massive Pokémon fanboy and knows the Pokémon Theme Song by heart. In fact, he has his contacts named after Pokémon: Angeal is Machamp, Sephiroth is Mewtwo, Genesis is Charizard, Tseng is Umbreon, Aerith is Jigglypuff, Cloud is Pikachu, etc.

Threw an apple at Hojo and left a shitload of Legos all over his lab for subjecting Sephiroth to a particularly painful physical test.

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peeves-gurl · 2 years

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Meeting the Juniors

Fred Weasley×Fem!O.C.

Preview: what's in store for Fred eight years after the war, when a new employee joins their shop?

Word count: 4.6 K

Warnings: age gap (legal), angst, mentions of food, mentions of war and injury, slight struggle with body image, family and kids, mostly fluff, mentions of sex, smut in part 3.

A/N: Hey! This is my first ever fic, so I'm very open to suggestions and feedbacks. Huge thank you to @sai-kida134 for editing the story. I hope you like it!

Part 2 || Part 3

Fred Weasley had grown. Though he hadn't changed much, unless one considered the prosthetic limb he had to have attached to his left thigh once Percy had managed to dig him out from under the wall that fell on top of him during the Battle at Hogwarts. It was his only insecurity, even after eight whole years. There weren't many people in the Wizarding World who used a prosthetic limb, that too one that was of the muggle kind. He'd personally come across only one other person, Mad-Eye Moody, who had unfortunately been lost to Voldemort and his Death Eaters months before Fred lost his leg. Out of his insecurity, he used ample charms on it, changing it's colour to perfectly match his skin tone, changing it's texture to make it similar to his skin, and even getting Professor McGonagall to cast a special charm, that allowed him to feel all sensations on the leg, making it pretty much a part of his body, as good as his 'real' leg. But still, in his mind, it was a prosthetic, a weakness that made him different from other twenty-eight year old men, something that he considered a reason for his loneliness.

Ivy Roberts was the newest employee at Weasleys’ Wizarding Wheezes. For a twenty year old, her dreams were quite big and her achievements were running low. She planned on becoming a professional Quidditch Player, a beater, hopefully for the Hollyhead Harpies or Puddlemore United. Her in training seemed to be going pretty well, and with her newest job, she hoped to earn enough to pay her bills and buy herself equipment to keep it going. She mindlessly blamed her lack of achievements on her loneliness, rather than, what she was pretty sure, was laziness. Being the only child to parents who preferred to travel the world than support their daughter, left her alone in London. She had made friends at Hogwarts of course, and during her Quidditch practices too, but none of them could be considered close enough to share every bit of her daily life with. And well, dating had been out of question for quite a while, once she realised boys weren’t as important as she initially thought. Though sometimes, when she walked alone on the streets on Saturday nights, she imagined a handsome, faceless man, holding her hands amidst all the couples that frolicked down the street.

Fred loved the company of his parents, his siblings and their children more than anything else in his life. He spent his free time being the cool uncle to his niblings, spoiling them and playing pranks with them. And yet, each night, when George packed his stuff up and flooed back home to Angelina and their son, Fred was left alone in the old flat above the shop, hoping that someday, he'd find someone who would love him despite his apparent flaw, someone he could cuddle next to while he fell asleep.

Ivy's time at the shop passed rather quickly. She'd usually go to the shop around lunch time, right after her Quidditch training, and spend the rest of her day helping the twins around the shop. She grew close to the two very soon, unlike the three other employees at the store, who seemingly did not share the same closeness with their bosses. Ivy vividly remembered the time she'd told the twins she wanted to be a Professional beater. They seemed to jump out of their seats at the mention of being beaters, and quickly provided her with their best tips, from the time that they'd been on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

"Hold your bat closer to the edge, Ivy." Fred had suggested. "It's easier to move it that way. Less force, more impact on the bludger."

"Don't flick your wrist, you'll end up spraining it. Move your shoulders instead." George had said, demonstrating the movement and accidentally smacking his twin in the head.

She was glad to have them, honestly. Barely two weeks into the job, George suggested she should stop calling them 'Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley', like the other employees, and instead went with their first names, more like friends. The level of comfort that she'd achieved with them was something that she hadn't even had with her friends back at Hogwarts. And the fact that they were the best pair of beaters Hogwarts had back in the day, made her time with them even more fun.

And unintentionally, one Saturday, when she walked around the streets, once again imagining a handsome man holding her hand and guiding her through the crowd, her mind flashed the image of Fred Weasley, grinning down at her, sending tingles through her body. But it was just a passing crush, wasn't it? Fred was eight years older, had an amazing career, and was way out of her league. He definitely had a lover, someone as good looking as him, who truly deserved him. He wouldn't want her.

Fred, along with his twin, grew to adore Ivy more than just as an employee. She was much funnier than Michael, Josephine and Veer, their other three employees, and wanted to be a professional Quidditch beater, something the twins wanted to do before they came up with the idea of the joke shop in their fourth year. He'd seen her interaction with the customers, smiling and showing them around the store, confidence radiating off her. She smiled sweetly towards the children, sometimes lifting the tiniest ones up in her arms so that they could get a better look at the shelves, even though she had mentioned not being too fond of little ones. She would not only laugh at his and George's jokes, but instead add something of her own to make it even funnier.

Quite frankly, Fred thought she was amazing in every possible way and was glad to have found a friend in her. And the time she'd mentioned being a prankster at school, a pain in the ass to Headmistress McGonagall, just the way he was once, he didn't think she could get any better. That was until one night, just as he was about to fall asleep, alone as usual, she appeared in his mind for a fleeting moment, resting her head on his chest, intertwining her legs with his own. He couldn't fall asleep then. Why would she ever want him? She did flirt back with him sometimes, but he was always the one to initiate it, and it was obviously friendly, nothing more. She was eight years younger and whole, and she deserved someone like herself not like Fred.

Ivy walked into the store slightly later than her usual time. She'd been hitting bludgers all morning and didn't take notice of the time until her coach reminded her to have lunch. She ran to the changing room, showered quickly and put on her purple uniform jumper along with jeans and immediately apparated to Diagon Alley. She opened the shop door and ran to the backroom, where she could find Fred or George and apologize for her unusual tardiness. Instead, she was greeted with an empty backroom. Setting her bags down in their usual spot, Ivy rushed outside to begin her usual work routine of counting the money at the cash counter and re-stocking the empty shelves.

Fred and George were walking down the stairs that connected the flat upstairs to the shop. Behind them was a very beautiful lady, tall, dark skinned, with beautiful natural curls up to her shoulders. She was sure it was George's wife, Angelina Johnson.

"Ivy." George greeted with a nod of his head and a smile.

"Good afternoon! I'm sorry for being a bit late today. I forgot to check the time during practice." She explained quickly.

"So you're Ivy," Angelina smiled. "I've heard loads about you from these two. Hope your Quidditch is going well."

"Thank you Ms. Johnson. I've heard lots about you as well." Ivy smiled back politely.

"Please call me Angelina!" She said, shaking her hand.

Just as Ivy was about to let go of her hand, her eyes fell onto Angelina's belly, and she was surprised to see the woman was pregnant.

"I have an appointment today," Angelina said, cradling her stomach gently. "And some work later on. George and I came to drop little Freddy with his uncle. He's asleep upstairs."

"That's great, congratulations!" Ivy smiled. "You never mentioned anything about the baby, George!"

"Oh no, you must've missed it Ivy. He talks about Angie and Junior and the new baby all the time." Fred spoke up finally, making George and Angelina blush furiously.

"We have to get going, or we'd be late." George said after a few more minutes of conversation.

"Take care of Freddy, please. Feed him once he wakes up." Angelina reminded Fred.

"Don't worry Angie. I'm the best Godfather." Fred grinned cockily.

"Thanks brother." George patted his twin's shoulder and clutched his wife's hand with his own, ready to disapparate. "See you 'round, Ivy!"

Work at the shop progressed as usual for about an hour, until Ivy saw the cutest child that she could have imagined, running around the shop. He had bright red hair, and hundreds of freckles scattered across his pale skin, and looked like a miniature version of George and Fred. Fred was chasing his nephew around, unable to do any work at the shop, leaving the four employees to manage everything. The toddler's giggles echoed around the premises each time he picked a random item off a shelf he passed, and tossed it in another direction, making Fred dive to catch it before it broke or hurt the child.

"Junior c'mon! It's lunch time, sweetheart!" He called out in his deep voice, earning nothing but another loud giggle from his nephew.

Ivy stood behind the currently empty counter, watching the exchange while twirling her wand between her fingers. Her crush on Fred had definitely grown over the past few days, no matter how much she tried to suppress it. And it was incredibly difficult to not find him attractive, especially when he showed so much love to the young child he was in charge of for the day. From her place, she admired the man, his brown eyes crinkled at the edges as he laughed at little Freddy's actions. He ran his fingers through his ginger hair, messing them up slightly while following the child's every action, preparing to get a hold on him when he was distracted. His clothes were crumpled, and his watch hung loosely from his wrist, and she found the sight more appealing than she could have thought. She was brought back from her thoughts when she heard a rattling sound from the row of shelves Freddy was close to, only to realise that he was shaking it, trying to get something from a height beyond his reach. Right as she watched, a few glass bottles of some potion fell out, headed right towards the boy. Fred was too far to get him away in time, and even though he ran to shield him immediately, he wouldn't be able to avoid the accident. Ivy acted on instinct, swishing her wand and making the bottles freeze mid air, inches from Freddy's head. Immediately, she saw Fred sigh in relief, before grabbing the child around his stomach and lifting him up in his arms. Another wave of Ivy's wand, and the bottles flew back to their shelves, away from the mischievous child.

"That's enough mischief for today Junior." Fred said sternly, and the boy flailed his little arms, trying to free himself from the tight grasp. He carried the child over to the counter in front of Ivy and set him down gently, holding him as he stood up on the wooden table.

"Thank you." He said, his gratitude reflected in his eyes. "He could have got hurt if you wouldn't have done that. Thank you."

Ivy smiled at him, her eyes flickering between him and his nephew, and Fred controlled his urge to kiss her out of gratitude.

"Uncle Fred! Leave me please!" Freddy pouted, stomping his little foot on the table.

"Not until you've finished your lunch." Fred said, pulling out his wand and summoning a little bag from his flat, full off Freddy's belongings for the day.

Freddy looked around for some sort of escape, turning around almost in a full circle, before his eyes landed on Ivy.

"You're new! You're new!" He shouted gleefully to the girl, making grabby hands towards her.

Ivy felt her lips curl up into an involuntary smile at the toddler's actions, and walked up to him to get a closer look.

"Hello!" She greeted.

"I'm Fred Weaseey Junior." Freddy said proudly in his baby voice, holding his hand out to her like he'd seen his father and uncle do when they introduced themselves to new people.

"I'm honoured by your presence, your highness." Ivy joked, taking his tiny hand into her own and bowing slightly. The child giggled at her actions and she gently steadied him on the table with her other hand.

"What's your name?" He asked through his giggles.

"Ivy Roberts, your majesty." She said, adding a quick bow, that sent him into another fit of giggles.

She felt Fred's gaze on her and nodded quickly towards him, allowing him to pull his hands away from the child and pull his lunch out of the bag Angelina had left.

"Okay Junior, let's see what your Mummy's got you for lunch today." He said cheerfully, "Hmm, pasta!"

"No! No dirty brolloci !" Freddy said stubbornly, pointing to the little pieces of broccoli in the pasta. "Ivy!" He pouted, tugging his newest friend's arm.

"What's wrong Freddy?" She cooed, gently running her fingers through his soft ginger hair.

"No lunch please!" He begged.

"Alright. What do you wanna do today?" She asked kindly.

"I... I want to work at the shop. Like a big boy!" He said quite loudly. "Tell Uncle, please!"

"Junior, you can work at the shop when you are a big boy." Fred stated, rubbing the child's back lovingly. "We're going to have your pasta now, okay?"

"No!" Freddy protested. "Now, Uncle Fred. Now!"

Fred looked tired of running around with the child. He was fit physically, so a slight chase with a two year old wasn't what had tired him out. It was the unexpected rebellion that the said two year old showed that exhausted him. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and shutting his eyes to take a moment. Ivy noticed his weariness and decided now would be the right time to help him.

"Your Uncle is being a bit boring today, isn't he?" Ivy teased, causing Fred to open his eyes and cock his head to one side, shooting her a look, as if to say 'oh really?'

She subtly winked at him, turning her attention back to the child who was looking at her expectantly. "I think you'd make a fabulous shop worker."

"Faviolis," Freddy repeated after her, mispronouncing the word with such cuteness that both she and Fred had to stifle their laughs.

"Would you like to work with me today?" She asked him sweetly.

"Yes!" He replied, jumping on the table, causing her and Fred to slightly tighten their grips on him.

"Okay, give me a minute."

Fred nodded towards her with a smile, allowing her to do whatever she was planning. She turned around, picking her wand up again, raising the height of the chair behind the counter to what would be enough to let Freddy sit with his hands on the table. She flicked her wand, and the back of the chair turned softer when a cushion appeared, along with a buckle, making it look like a fancy car seat.

"I think this can be your special chair for the day Freddy. And you can be..." She paused, taking a minute to come up with a fake position for him.

"How about you becoming the shop's President?" Fred asked, playing along.

"Pwesiden." Freddy repeated innocently with approval.

"Then, Mr. President, is it okay if we put you in this special chair?" Ivy asked, earning an excited grin from the child.

She hooked her arms under the his, picking him off he counter and seating him in the chair, fixing the buckles quickly, afraid of letting him slip out and hurt himself.

"What's my job?" Freddy asked, looking at his uncle with utmost seriousness.

"I have the most important job for you sweetheart. You have to sit here and say hello to all out customers when they walk in." Fred said, mimicking his nephew's seriousness.

"No." Freddy said, squinting his eyes suspiciously.

"Yes, yes!" Ivy said, covering up. "It's a very important job, just for the President, Freddy. You need to charm all the customers into buying the products."

Freddy seemed convinced this time, so he sat patiently, waiting for the next customer to come along.

"There's just one rule." She said softly, once she had him settled. "The President needs to eat whatever his Mummy gives for lunch. After all, he needs his energy for the most important job in the shop."

And the President agreed.

Fred couldn't believe what he saw. Ivy Roberts had, somehow, managed to get his mischievous nephew seated silently in a chair, in middle of the joke shop that he wouldn't leave any opportunity to wreck havoc in. And now, she was feeding him dirty brolloci of all things in the world, without any tantrums. He leaned against the counter, taking up her place in case a customer came by, arms crossed against his chest, watching her entertain the child. He couldn't stop looking at her dark hair, flowing beautifully down her shoulders, looking perfect against the deep purple uniform. Her eyes shone with joy as she delicately wiped down the child’s face with a paper napkin, before smiling at something he babbled excitedly, displaying the deep dimples that appeared on her cheeks. And oh, that wink she gave him just minutes previously, even though it meant absolutely nothing, made his heart flutter in his chest. She was showing such pure affection for a child she was no way related to, completely forgetting her apparent dislike towards children. And the fact that this child was his nephew, whom he loved more than anything else in his life, made everything flawless. To him, there wasn't any woman as perfect as Ivy.

Some hours later, the four employees were busy winding up business to shut down for the day, as Fred sat at the counter, keeping Freddy busy with some toys from the shop. Ivy was working close to the cash counter, upon Fred's insistence, since she seemed to be the only one able to convince the child to do anything that day. She was busy restocking shelves for the next morning, stealing occasional glances towards her handsome boss and his giggly nephew, when she heard Fred's deep voice.

"You've been really nice today, Junior." He praised the child, and Ivy looked up to see he was placing soft kisses on his head. "How about we go out for some ice cream in a while, just Junior and Senior, hmm?"

"Mhmm ice cream." Freddy replied instantly, his eyes lighting up with mischief. "Ivy comes too!"

"Aaand you've stolen my nephew." Fred said dramatically, turning towards Ivy.

"Aww don't worry. I'm not going to intrude on your ice cream party." She smiled back.

"No, no you really should come along. He's not in a mood to listen to me today and I might need your help." He said quickly.

"I... Fred no, I can't."

"Yes you can. We're going to Florean Fortescue's, right around the corner." He insisted, and Ivy shook her head to say no once more.

"Pleaseeee!" Both boys said together in a sing song voice, looking at her with the same puppy eyes and their mouths curved into identical frowns.

"That's not fair! How do I say no to that face?" She scolded playfully, but agreed to the idea all the same.

Half an hour later, Ivy was walking on the street next to Fred Weasley, with his two year old nephew sitting on his shoulders. Diagon Alley was lit up with street lights, and she couldn't keep her eyes off the man she was with. The light illuminated his flaming red hair and highlighted the freckles against his pale skin. She felt butterflies in her stomach when she saw him looking at the child with a mischievous glint in his eyes, sharing a crooked smirk, before he sped up, pacing ahead of her on the sidewalk, Freddy bouncing and giggling on his shoulders. Ivy couldn’t help the way her mind drifted back to her own childhood. Her parents had made it very clear to her that she was an unplanned child, interfering with their plans to travel the world. It wasn't like they ignored her. They did love her, but they rarely made her feel it. But looking at Fred playing with the toddler made her feel all of his affection, even if it wasn't directed towards her in any way. Her heart warmed up when she saw the man tickle the boy, making his laughter ring around the street. The look of concern on his face a few hours back, when the glass bottles nearly hurt Freddy was one that showed pure love, something she'd grown up wishing for. Fred Weasley, with his perfect eyes and perfect smile, made her feel it, even though it wasn't for her.

"You're not paying for mine, Fred." She said sternly, standing against the ice cream counter with Fred towering over her.

"Yes I am. I got you here, I pay for it." He said.

"No, I came here to play with Freddy. It was my own choice."

"You came here because we insisted. No more arguments." He stated, handing over the money to the cashier, before setting Freddy down on a table and beginning to feed him the ice cream.

"Where's yours?" She asked, realising he'd bought only two.

"I'll share with Junior." He said, taking a bite when Freddy looked away, and she gasped dramatically.

"You stole a child's ice cream, you vile man!" She whisper-yelled.

"I'll steal yours too if you don't eat it quickly." He whispered back, rolling his eyes and taking another bite.

"Piggyback!" Freddy shouted when Fred tried to lift him onto his shoulders once they were ready to go back.

"Okay then, c'mon." Fred said, leaning a little so that Freddy could climb onto his back.

Instead, the child tugged Ivy's arm, pulling her closer and shouting, "Piggyback Ivy!"

"You love troubling her, don't you?." Fred said, ruffling his hair and looking at Ivy for a response. Ivy smiled, bending down and allowing him to climb onto her back, locking his arms around her neck and holding his feet around her waist.

"Thanks love. I'll take your bag." Fred said, casually slinging her handbag over his shoulder and holding the shop door open for her. He'd just called her 'love'. Out of all the nicknames he could've used, he chose 'love'.

Fred internally cursed himself for it. He thought it had come off as creepy and freaked her out. It might give away the attraction he'd been feeling towards her and that wouldn't be good. Keeping his composure, he turned to look at Ivy, who seemed to act absolutely normal, and he breathed a sigh of relief. She was probably used to being called 'love' by her friends. It's 2006 after all, and nicknames like that can be used in any context.

Ivy on the other hand, had never been called anything but her first name. Not even her family or friends used any terms of endearment towards her. And then Fred Weasley, the man who could make her swoon with one look, calls her 'love' of all things in the world. She managed to sneak a look at him, chivalrously carrying her purse over his shoulder. It wasn't that big of a deal anyways. He probably calls all his friends 'love'. He does seem to be a rather affectionate man, after all.

The three took a turn towards Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, just in time to see George and Angelina apparate back in front of the shop.

"First one to reach your Dad wins!" Fred shouted to his nephew, before darting off in the said direction.

"Faster Ivy, I have to win!" Freddy said, tightening his grip.

"Let's go!" She said, increasing her pace but not more than a jog since she was afraid to drop the child on her back.

Fred obviously reached faster, grinning proudly with his arm on his brother's shoulder.

"Hi!" She said, once she had joined the group.

"Hey! Up to mischief, are we?" Angelina said, kissing her son's cheek.

"Mummy, we lost the race!" Freddy pouted towards his parents.

"Your uncle's a cheater, don't worry." George said, slapping his twin's back.

"What? " Fred whined, and Angelina rolled her eyes, clearly used to the scene.

"Thank you for looking after him today." She smiled, carefully lifting her son off Ivy's back.

"It was quite fun, honestly. Hope your appointment went well." Ivy said.

"All's well." George replied, patting his wife's growing bump and taking Freddy into his arms.

"Am I having a niece or a nephew this time?" Fred asked the couple.

"For that, you'll have to wait. We're having a gender reveal party sometime soon." George said happily.

"That's new!" Fred grinned. "Just make sure it's not around Wood and Spinnet's wedding, or they'll go mad."

"Oh yeah, we forgot about that. Thanks Fred." Angelina nodded thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry, Wood and Spinnet? You mean Oliver Wood?" Ivy asked before she could control herself.

"Puddlemore United's Keeper, yes." Fred said.

"We went to school with him. He was our Quidditch Captain, before Angie." George added. "We're both his groomsmen, with Harry, and Angie is one of the bridesmaids."

"Wow, that's so cool!" Ivy beamed.

"I'll try to get you an invite, you know. There would be tons if Quidditch players, good for your career." Fred said with a smile.

"Have you found a date for the wedding, dearest brother-in-law?" Angelina asked, clearly thinking of something.

"Nope. I'll show up single, as usual." Fred shrugged.

"Well I've found you a date." She said, throwing an arm around Ivy's shoulder.

"No, no please! You don't have to do that for me." She said quickly.

"Of course we have to! It would be a great experience, meeting all those players." George approved, looking at Fred.

"Yeah, I think we could do that." Fred smiled.

"Okay then, that's settled." George said.

"We'll go now. It's almost dinner time." Angelina added.

"But I lost the race Daddy!" Freddy said sadly, burying his face into his father's chest.

"I have a treat for Freddy, if that's okay?" Ivy asked, looking at George and Angelina for approval, earning nods from them.

Taking her bag back from Fred, she unzipped one of the pockets and dug out a large chocolate bar she'd been saving up for herself.

"Here you go baby. Don't eat too much at once!" She said, handing the chocolate bar to the excited child.

"So that's how you won over him, huh? Cheater." Fred teased, and Ivy gave him a pointed look.

"We'll leave you to set him right." Angelina said, hugging Ivy, and George and Freddy followed. They bid their goodbyes to Fred as well, before disapparating with a crack.

312 notes · View notes

kodzuken-chan · 2 years

Note

hello 💕 may i request how would sanji react to his s/o fighting for the first time.

like luffy brought a new member for the crew and when they all saw her she looked so cute, innocent, small, bubbly and really pretty but when the enemies and marines come the strawhats are chained and cannot fight leaving only the s/o.

but it turns out the s/o is extremely strong. her punches and kicks are much stronger than germa 66. and she is also a powerful swordswoman who carries a powerful scythe. and she is also able to transform into a demon, the most powerful demon to exist.

A/N: Oh my...this sounds exactly like the scenarios spinning in my head at 3am, oh well let's make them true then~😌

The last part is kinda very specific tho👀, but I did my best to meet your request~!!! so I hope you Like it~!!

I just never mentioned the Marines and instead made the scenario with a pirate enemy🤭

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🧁Cute & Wild🧁

Paring: Sanji x Fem.Reader

Genre: Action/ Slight Angst/ Fluff / Hurt-Comfort/ One-shot

Warnings ⚠️: Mention of blood, slight toture maybe, intense injuries and cuts, some insecurities

A/N: This is kinda predictable but its enjoyable 😌

-Got the vilian's name from a Vilian's name generator Lmao I was too lazy

- The Demonic references are inspired by Demon Slayer 😈

-May Contain few unnoticed mistakes

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Summary: As the newest yet the cutest member that ever joined the strawhats, Everyone thought that you should be protected for how pure and sweet you were. However, an unfortunate incident forces you to unleash your hidden strength that will catch your crew off guard, especially your beloved Sanji.

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Aside from your intelligence and strategic acumen, you assisted your crew by using it during the intractable times. You were cute, adorably tiny, bubbly and yet an innocent person, the crew even thought that despite anything and everything, you must be protected at all costs. Not that they're underestimating your capabilities of protecting and taking care of yourself, however you're appearance, morlas and personality made them think that, if the world had so many of you, everyone would have lived in peace.

Even though it hasn't been months since you've joined the crew, and being brought by Luffy to Sunny go, You were quick to get along with them, it just felt like you've known them for a long period of time. However, in that brief time, you fell for the Ship's cook, who appearntly had mutual feelings for you. You two would act bashfully around each other even though it was obvious for everyone on the ship that you both were in love, even you two acknowledged that.

You were walking back from the market after getting few needed supplies for your free time hobby. Usually when you yell "I'm back", Sanji would definitely swoon over to you with those heart shaped eyes, if he's not there, then one of the rest Strawhats will for sure show up, either saying something idiot, nagging about something or just ask you some stuff out of curiosity. However, once you got none of these but instead received silence, you got the chills and stepped inside calling for anyone of your crew mates.

"W-what....the hell....is this...." You said dropping the few bags you carried in your hands approaching Sunny's mass

(All of your precious crew mates alongside your captain are under my care, So if you want to set them free, then you should come over so we can have a little chit chat together)

Signed by: Megedagik Thug of the Seas

That what was written over the worn-out paper hanging by a dagger in the middle of the mass. You couldn't help but gulp at name written at the bottom of the letter, recalling unpleasant memories of the past. However, you had no time to think about these memories, saving your friends is your top priority task now, anything else can wait for later.

Placing the bags you got from the market earlier in your room, you grabbed your rabbit shaped backpack, and placed all what you thought might be in handy to save your friends, after all, you're going to approach the danger willingly. Nevertheless, you're aware that what you're heading to is a trap, you just knew what that 'chit chat' exactly meant.

Carrying your backpack, you went down to Franky's weapons development room to take your huge scythe, no one would ever believe that your tiny figure can carry that thing, and your crew mates never acknowledged that you're actually using it, and that its not just a keepsake of your loved ones.

Now that you've got everything ready, you need to find where your friends are at. Usually, you all depend on Chopper's strong smelling sense to find anything, or any lost members, however this time, you're all alone, and you need to find them using your own ways, so in order to do so, you had no other choice but to use your own ways.

These ways specifically are your demonic abilities, no one of the Strawhats knew about you being able to transform yourself into a demon, being a demon means that your visual, auditory and nasal senses are three times stronger than any human being, let alone your demonic strength, speed and felixblity which gives you the upper hand in any fight. Of course, you tried as much as you can to not make it very obvious, because you never wanted your only friends to fear and leave you just like the others did.

Using your extraordinary smelling sense, you were able to trace Nami's and Robin's perfume scent, you could smell abit of Sanji's cigarettes and Franky's cola scent in the distance as well, so you immediately started running to where the scent was coming from. One of your demonic abilities advantages is you can trace scents based on how strong or light they were, they can be visible for you in the forms of strings, the thicker the string was the stronger the scent is, and vice versa.

As you kept on following your friends scent, you recalled some of the old memories that happened to you in the past. Megedagik, also known as the Thug of the Seas, is a crule heartless pirate who sailed around, invading small islands causing havocs by torturing and killing innocents, which exactly resembles the meaning of his name. He was known for his brutal way of bloodshed, where he would kill men in front of their families, then takes some women to work for him, and takes the others in order to satisfy his sadistic self by exposing them to excruciating torture.

And 8 years ago, this obnoxious pirate that knew no humanity made his mind that your tiny island is his next spot of sadistic entertainment, but little he knew what was waiting for him there. After causing sabotage and murder, he gathered all of the village's women, as usual, sent some of them with his men to work under his command, while the others, including you, were taken to a place where he tortures his captives.

Once he sat on his wooden chair, he had that disgusting smrik on his face while watching the women getting tortured gruesomely. As a result of the torture and beatings you got from Megedagik's men while he sat there, the anger yet the hatred kept on accumulating inside of your heart, causing you to lose control over the not so long discovered demonic powers, and within seconds, that led you to to unleash your sudden transformation and pounce over him. In the upcoming few minutes, your rage attacks caused the crule pirate to lay unconscious which ended up frightening his men and escape with him to the sea since they had no other choice.

Even though you rescued all those who were held captives with you, however, they turned their back on you and hated it, they called you with names like monster, hideous and so many other names that you didn't wish to hear. By the end of that day, instead of thanking you at least for saving their lives, they expelled you from the village claiming that a demon shall bring nothing but fatality to this poor little island, this is how you ended up moving to another island, living alone while hiding your powers, until fate smiled to you when Luffy asked you to join his crew.

Your Nakama's scent took you way too far from the shores and the center of the island, to a secluded place full of tress, and there was a building in the middle of it, it looked like a huge warehouse. Taking a deep breathe, you walked towards the warehouse's huge wooden gate, and with rage, you broke it into halves making an epic entrance, all what you were able to see was black, however, the scent of your friends soon was replaced by the smell of their bloods.

"Spectacular and Wonderful, So you really came after all huh?" Scoffed Megedagik

"Y/N-CHAN!!! GET OUT OF HERE THIS IS A TRAP!!" you heared Sanji Screaming

"S-Sanji?!!" You called again unable to see where he was

But soon the light came on, exposing everyone and everything around you, which made you stunned in disbelief. There stood Megedagik in the distance across of you, your nakamas were dangling from the celling, it seemed that the devil fruit users were chained with sea stone chains since they looked drained from energy, while the rest of them were tied with ropes and cuffs, they looked like they've been awfully beaten up. Seems that Megedagik still uses torture as way of entertainment.

"Y/N!!!JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT US AND GET OUT OF HERE!!" said Luffy to you but you smiled at him

"You shouldn't be worrying about me captain~!! The future Pirate King himself asked me to be a member of his crew, so if I can't protect him and my friends, what's the point of being with them if I'm just an obstacle in the way of their dreams? I'll be fine, trust me" you exclaimed with your pure innocent smile and Luffy nodded at you.

However, your eyes soon darkened at Megedagik sight. You started walking slowly towards him, taking a step after step, without breaking eye contact with him, you started pulling out your huge scythe, dragging it by the floor.

"Hey franky!! Isn't that the scythe in your weapon development room? I thought it was yours!!" Exclaimed Usopp in surprise

"No its not mine! I know it belongs to Y/N, but never knew she can use it!!" Answered Franky

"D-Do You remember this scar?!!! You caused it to me 8 years ago, and now I'm gonna make sure to leave one on you, it will let you remember its pain until you DIE!!!" Yelled Megedagik as his men started showing up infront of you.

" A scar from eight years ago.... She knows this jerk?" Said Zoro

" Well...I'm curious to know how things ended up with her like that"Chuckled Robin weakly

You swiftly waved your scythe, like it weighs nothing. Within one slash, Megedagik's men were bleeding down on the ground, and this is where he started shivering, your gaze was full of grudge and hatred, it was enough to send him chills. Few other men showed up attacking you out of sudden, but you already took care of them in minutes, eyes still focused on Megedagik.

"G... Gorgeous...." Is the only thing Sanji was able to say, as he stared at you in shock

Well lets say, each of the Strawhats jaws dropped at their innocent yet cute nakama, who was normally holding a scythe that was double her size like it was nothing. They never expected you to be so felixble whilst fighting, let alone your strength that you haven't unleashed the half of it yet.

Once you were done with his men, you stood there, looking at your Nakamas with an assuring look, then your gaze came back to Megedagik. Suddenly the aura around you started changing, you were turning into your demonic appearance.

"Haaaaahahaaaa, are you finally unleashing your true appearance!!! Never knew that you're so eager to get kicked out from your crew too" he mocked, knowing that you were expelled from your village because of your demonic appearance.

"W-Whats happening to Y/N, there is a dark aura around here!!" Exclaimed Chopper in worry

"T-true appearance? What does that jerk mean?" Questioned Sanji himself

Soon, your skin got paler, your iris turned sharp, and their colors changed, your hair grew two times longer than it was floating in the air, then your clothes got ripped revealing the sakura petals tattoo that were engraved all over your limbs. Your scythe's blade slowly turned into black, you simply wrapped it in armament haki.

"Yohohohoho, Y/N-san can use armament haki!! UNEXPECTED" Said Brook in absolute shock and everyone else were stunned

And without an alert, you attacked Megedagik mercilessly, he was able to stop some of them, when a malicious idea popped in his head,on the other hand, you started running towards him to attack him once again, when he took out his gun, aimed it towards Sanji and shot him twice. Of course, your attention immediately shifted to Sanji once you heard his groans of pain. You would say that his observation haki is the strongest out of all, and he probably saw that coming, but he's cuffed and tied in ropes, he couldn't move an inch to do anything about it.

"SANJI!!!" You called in fear seeing the two bullets piercing through his body

However, Megedagik took your distraction as an opportunity to turn the tables. He soon brought out a huge shot gun, and aiming it straight to your legs, his plan is to shoot you in a place that would prevent you from moving, so he can enjoy torturing you little by little until you fall dead.

"You have no idea how I suffered because of you, now I'll take my revenge for the scar that you left on my face" murmured Megedagik reasy to fire

"Y/N!! Y/N-CHAN!! OI Y/N!!! LOOK OUT!!!!" Screamed the monster trio in sync once they noticed Megedagik's move

💥SHOT💥

Megedagik Shot your left thigh with no hesitation, and due to how powerful the shot was, your leg got separated from your thigh leaving it torned apart the as blood flows down from it. You gritted on your teeth as you fell on the ground in a severe pain, then you let out a loud whimper. Thr Monster Trio raged in anger, while the rest had expressions mixed of shock and worry, but you surprised them all when you hysterically started laughing, you back off a little, trying to fix your posture.

"Y/N-CHAN!!! THAT BASTARD !!!!!I'M GONNA KILL YOU" yelled Sanji in anger, as he tried to free himself

You motioned to Sanji that you're fine with your angelic smile, you dragged yourself to your thrown scythe, braced yourself with it as you stood up on your right leg.

"Y-you think, you can kill me by torning my limbs apart? Wrong...I'm gonna show you whom you're dealing with!" You exclaimed

With that, out of no where, your left leg grew again in the speed of light, as if it wasn't torned apart few seconds ago. Megedagik back off, no believing what he just witnessed, nobody actually did.

"Before you decide to fight anyone, make sure to make some research about them, especially demons like me" you smirked

Before Megedagik could react, you were already infront of him with your huge scythe ripping his chest apart, leaving him down there barely able to move. You knelt down to him and whispered

"If you still have the audacity and bravery to make a little chit chat with me, then I bet you do it without using cheap tricks like a coward, but if you're not, then you better not show me your face again, if I found out by any chance that you're hurting innocent people anywhere around this world, then it won't end just by torning your chest apart, do you understand ?" You told him and he nodded in fear, tears streaming over his face

You took the cuffs' keys and pulled out a dagger from your right thigh hip pouch, with your scythe, you approached your Nakamas, working on freeing them from all of that mess. You gently helped Sanji alongside Chopper to put him down, because he pretending to be okay after getting shot, but it was clearly visible that he's struggling against showing that he's in pain.

"Sanji, You're gonna be okay....right?...I'm so sorry that's all because of me-" you cried holding his hands in worry

"Shhh...I-its..okay Y/N-chan...I'm fine...this is nothing, and ...its not your fault so don't cry" Assured you Sanji as he wiped the tears off your face

Once you all made it back successfully to Sunny Go, everyone were silent all the way back, nobody said anything, are they perhaps scared of you? Well you can't blame them after they witnessed all the crazy things happened earlier with you.

Chopper took Sanji to the sick bay to treat his injuries and asked everyone else to wait for their turns, since their injuries were minor compared to the ones Sanji got. You sat down there on the Mass bench, waiting in worry for Sanji to get treated, this is when Luffy approached you with serious facial expressions.

The awkward silence couldn't get worse, and your captain is approaching you with serious expressions. Well, you can say that you're kinda expecting what is he going to say to you, and you're somehow prepared for it. It would only be selfish of you to stay here when they don't want you, just like everyone else in the village did when you exposed your true appearance, I mean it can be worst than him apologizing and asking you to leave the ship respectfully. It might hurt for few weeks, maybe months, but eventually you'll get over it.

These thoughts kept spinning inside your head as you watched Luffy getting closer and closer while you tried to calm down your nervous heart, this is hard after all.

"Y/N" called Luffy in a calm tone

"Y-Yes Luffy?" You simply replied

"HOW DID YOU MAKE YOUR LEG GROW OUT AGAIN LIKE THAT!!!! THAT'S AWESOMEEEEEE!!!!!" He excitedly exclaimed with his star-shaped eyes

"I'm not gonna lie, but girl you're a badass, I'm still amazed how you swiftly swayed that scythe" complimented Zoro

"They probably should add the 'Cute Demon' nickname to your wanted poster" chuckled Robin at the suggestion she gave

"Y/N !! You were a SUUUPER Cute Nakama, but turned out that you're also a SUUUUPER Wild demon!!!!" Said Franky doing his iconic super pose

You're jaw dropped at the sudden change in their attitude, they don't hate you? Are they really okay with what you are? You couldn't tell, but the tears started sliding over your cheeks at their unexpected kind words.

"W-Woah!! Y/N !! Why are you crying???!!" Questioned Usopp in worry

"Are you hurt anywhere?!!" Added Nami

"Y/N-CHWAAANNN~!! I'm got my treatment, so you don't have to worry because I'm -" Exclaimed Sanji happily as he came down the stairs while Chopper ran behind him in worry

That's when he saw you crying, He quickly approached and took you in his arms giving you an embrace not really knowing the reason for why you're crying.

"What's wrong Y/N-chan?why are you crying? Hmm?" He asked softly caressing your hair

"I thought you guys would ask me to leave the crew..." You softly sobbed

"L-Leave?? Why would we ask you to leave Y/N?!!! YOU ARE MY NAKAMA, THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD KICK YOU OUT" Assured you Luffy

"B-but.... I thought that you guys hated my appearance because it I look like a hideous Monster, and probably got disgusted by the way my leg grew back earlier, and I-" you tried to explain but stopped when Sanji pressed his lips against yours

!! LOUD GASPS !!

"S-Sanji..?" You called, cheeks turning red

"We don't know what happened to you in the past that forced you to say these harsh words about yourself, but Y/N-chan, by the way you unleashed your powers today, I can assure you that you made me fall for you even more than I already was" he said with a warm tone as he cupped your cheeks

"I'm still surprised that you're calling yourself like that when there isn't literally any normal person on this ship" Shrugged Zoro

"You Mosshead-!" Sanji said glaring at him when Nami smacked Zoro in his head

"pfft..." You chuckled and everyone got surprised

"Y/N-chan....." Called Sanji as the smile appeared on his face just like the rest

"But guys can I ask you something?" You said to the them

"Yeah, what's the matter Y/N?" Questioned Nami

"Well... Don't get me wrong but ...How did that jerk took you hostage? I mean, I'm sure that you'd have took care off him immediately once you felt his presence on Sunny " you questioned confused

"Sleeping Gas" said Robin simply

"Yeah, he used a cheap trick like that to take us" Said Sanji as he sighed

"I see..." You replied

"But Y/N-San, You seem to know Megedagik" Said Brook

"Oh well yeah...A long story from 8 years ago...." You said putting some hairlines back on your ears

You continued telling them how you met Megedagik, and what happened on your island, how the villagers were the reason for why felt insecure and unsure about your demonic powers, but Sanji was right there beside you, taking your hand in his, and squeezing it for reassurance.

Later on that night when dinner was over, you were all still seated on the dinning table, but everyone were carefully listening to you, they were curious about what can you do with your demonic powers, and you gladly told them everything, getting unforgettable reactions.

Once everyone went inside their quarters for sleep, you stood by Sunny's wooden barrier, inhaling the the ocean scent, feeling your shoulders light weighted, then a pair of arms wrapped around your tiny figure from behind, It was no one other Sanji.

"S-Sanji what are you doing here, you're injured, you need to rest" You said looking back at him

"I've wanted to hold you like this for a long time, please let us stay like this for a while" he simply said closing his eyes and burying his face in your neck

"I don't deserve such a kind heart like yours Sanji.." you said with a sad smile, caressing Sanji's arms, still feeling a bit guilty from everything that happened

"Y/N....Don't you ever say this again, or else I'll get sad" he said dropping the horrific for once as he loosen his hold and turning you to him

"Love yourself, and awalys be yourself, don't you ever listen to anyone who criticize your well being and the way you look, you're just perfect the way you are, Demon or not, I love you because you're yourself, because you're Y/N-chan" he added

"Sanji...." You called him tears forming again in your eyes

"Don't cry my darling...I'll kick whoever offends and hurts your feelings" he said leaning and stealing a kiss from your lips

Then your foreheads touched, eyes both immersed in each other, he cupped your cheeks, titled his head and closed the gap for another passionate yet deep kiss.

You two were told in the next morning that you two were found asleep in each other's arms down in the aquarium.

The End

#one piece #one piece strawhats #one piece x reader #one piece scenarios #one piece imagine #sanji #sanji x reader #sanji imagine #sanji scenario #one piece one shot #one piece sanji #sanji op

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blazehedgehog · 4 months

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Twitch Stuff

Oh yeah I posted about this on my discord, but whenever I stream next (this Friday?), we have some new emotes! Twitch changed some rules around so a bunch of people got way more emote slots, and seeing everyone add cool emotes got me in the mood to figure out more of what I wanted.

Doing emotes for my twitch channel has been surprisingly hard. A lot of streamers seem to have some kind of mascot to base emotes around, or they collect them like souvenirs from games they've played recently. I stream about once a month (at best) and have no dedicated stream mascot, so I was never sure what to add, and still not sure. But I think we got some good ones now.

Dancing DK and Diddy are tier 1 subscriber emotes. I feel like every streamer I watch has a dedicated dance emote, sometimes multiple, and these guys are from when you beat a level in Donkey Kong Country. I still have 2-3 more animated slots, but we'll figure those out later.

Toot, Unimpressed, Funniest, Worried and Crouch are all brand new follower emotes, so you get them for free just by following me on Twitch.

The rest of the emotes are the ones we've had.

We also have three (!) new sound alert buttons.

Two of them are channel-points based and if you've been around online their functions should be self-explanatory. The third button is somewhere else, because soundalerts.com is a multi-million dollar company that operates a website that sucks to use and is held together by chewing gum and duct tape.

Essentially, soundalerts.com allows you to have a "randomized sound" button that will play one sound out of a collection you have organized. Unfortunately, the current "add button" interface is broken for channel points buttons, so I can't add a new randomized sound button using channel points. Instead, I had to make it use bits, the twitch paid currency.

The good news is: they actually let you set the price to 0 bits. So now there's a button on the sound alerts panel below the stream that will pick a random "Long Time No See!" voice clip from five or six different Sonic games. Except, because soundalerts.com is a great well made website, there's a 1 in 10 chance it will get confused and play a Wario sound for free.

Anyway, shoutouts to Rudie Radio Waves in the discord for helping me track down some (most) of the "Long Time No See!" voice clips when I floated the idea but confessed I was too lazy. I wanted to rip everything by hand, and they found a bunch pre-ripped on The Sounds Resource.

Honestly at this point I know enough about Twitch redemption stuff that I could just build my own sound alerts stuff for free. But that would take effort. If this becomes a bigger problem we'll see.

Anyway! This stuff will be there the next time I stream, so stay tuned.

#twitch #stream #sound alerts #emotes

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nosolaceofastraightanswer · 1 year

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happy pride month!!!! anyway tua pride headcanons cus i want to lol :P *note- i do not identity with all of these labels. i cannot give you a personal experience or defense for these. if i include any harmful stereotypes, lmk. it’s pride month and queer people are valid*

quick overview, analysis below the readmore

luther- he/him cishet

diego- he/him cis and bicurious

allison- she/her cishet

klaus- he/she (they sometimes) genderqueer/enby, pansexual

five- they/he gay and ace. agender.

ben- he/him cishet

viktor- he/they transmasc lesbian

for some i used the canonical pronouns as to not confuse before i get the explanation. <33333

luther- to me he’s like a cishet guy honestly. i still love the pride hc’s other people have, bc most of the time they’re really good. i just prefer this reading, espec. with sloane (QUEEN!!!!). i also don’t like the s1 era fics where everyone hated luther (almost entirely unjustified) so they would make him be a dick to klaus and stuff. like did he drink reggie’s kool aid? yes. but is he homophobic? no. i think a better example in a canonical kid fic of him saying mean things to klaus for plot would be like,, making fun of him for being a druggie or lazy, because that’s stuff that reginald would actually encourage him to say. rant over lmao that just has always bothered me.

diego- honestly this one is back and forth for me, between bisexual and straight. like him and lila being bi4bi is just too fucking amazing, but he does give off straight guy energy sometimes so i’ll put it at a bi-curious. he’s def an ally though, and i can imagine he would do his best to get over his fear of needles to help v with his t shots, or defend klaus from homophobic assholes. although i personally hc him as cis, the transmasc diego people have their fucking shit together because that HITS DIFFERENT. i think done right, it adds so much to his character in AU’s and stuff and it’s just rly cute!! but bisexual diego is a very fanon thing that i like to see.

allison- i think probably straight and cis once again. she seems very comfy and happy in her femininity and gender, and her with ray??? (sidenote almond as a ship name makes me lose it ITS SO CUTE). i think she’s always been a big ally to klaus. i can also see her as pan or bi, but pressured to appear as straight by the constant eyes on her since she was like ten. i mean not only was she the only girl, but also a black girl? she was 100% so insecure during her childhood because people were constantly critiquing her. so honestly i don’t think it would be too out of the ordinary to hc her as queer.

klaus- i mean, we all know this one. as far as i know he has been canonically (though not mentioned in show, more like an interview or something) pansexual and non-binary. if not then it’s VERY FANON. directly through the show, we see his attraction to men through dave and also his enjoyment of more feminine clothes and makeup and things like that. i hc him as genderqueer and just generally chilling out and not really caring too much about labels. like a “i’ll fuck you if you’re hot” kind of attitude.

five- now this one might get me some weirdness, but i don’t see five as a cishet man for my hc’ing purposes. a common fanon opinion is that he’s asexual, which i totally like. i also think he’s gay. i guess that would be homoromantic? and also agender. he said no. no. MEN. i think that any romantic hc that does not acknowledge delores is not doing it right, bc holy shit delores is so fucking important to the understanding of his character!!!!! i believe in the interpretation that delores is himself, but a separated part that he forced himself to view as a separate entity to survive the apocalypse. he kind of fucking tricked himself into loving himself, though unfortunately as many people have pointed out, he doesn’t see himself as capable of good. he doesn’t see that delores is him- he can’t. he was down bad though for his mannequin apocalypse wife okay??? they were in love fuck you???? idk sexuality is fluid. let this old man live his life. he’s so tired. also agender, i think they don’t like being called a boy (possibly childhood trauma, possibly gender) but still is okay with “old man”.

ben- he is the token cishet of the upper numbers trio ( 567 icons real and true ). the jennifer incident was heavily implied if not directly and canonically stated to be a romantic issue, and also him and jill!!!! yes it was weird but it was so cute. bring back umbrella ben istg idc about the themes you messed them up in s3 anyway. i would talk more about him BUT HE NEVER GOT ENOUGH FUCKING SCREENTIME EVER AND THE THEMES THE THEMES HIS CHARACTER THEY DIDN- gets shot

viktor- canonically transmasc, canonically a woman enjoyer, ten out of ten character. i love looking at s1 era fics where people would be like. there is no way this guy doesn’t like women. *lesbian headcanons*. and elliot page just slaying with the queer rep season after season. i think he/they pronouns for viktor is really good and i like it :)). also some people hc them as bi because of harold (or for weird reasons but we don’t talk about that-) but i think it’s more of a lesbian thing personally. now. don’t come after me i’m not looking for he/him lesbian discourse on my pride month fandom post. AND FURTHERMORE elliot page is a king and he doesn’t deserve in any way the crazy hate he gets for being trans. trans men are men, trans ppl are valid etc. that being said, i hc him as a he/they lesbian. RESPECTFULLY. i imagine there were a lot of complicated factors while he was coming out and realizing things about themself. i think the harold thing was wanting to be wanted and loved more that actually wanting or loving, and you know we all gotta have that spicy *heteronormativity* woohoo.

bonus LILA (queen)- bisexual!! also she/they hc’s are valid asf for that. we love a queen who can do both. not sure if this is partial or full canon, or just heavy fandom but idc.

okay byyeeee happy pride month and also have a good juneteenth. black lives matter!!!!!

#tua #writingastraightanswer #the umbrella academy #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #happy pride month everyone!!!!#this was way longer than i meant it to be lol #enjoy ig

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lazypanartist · 2 years

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Tried to post this yesterday but it CRASHED, but I'm not crying this time, so at least I can see the letters. So now I'm back for round 2 with the Void™

TW: pet death mentions

Anyone that looked at my SUPER early posts probably saw my kitten, Wesley. He loved being in bags, his little teddy bear, and his people. Loudest purr I've ever heard a cat have, all from this little kitty here!

He was a birthday gift from my family when I was turning thirteen; I'd wanted a cat for so long, my life had just fallen apart, and I finally got a kitty of my own!

Unfortunately, while I turned seventeen this year, he didn't get to make it to four. He passed the sixth of this year (day before school started)

It was the first time I had experienced loss, and I had no real coping mechanisms. So I did what I do any other time I'm upset and inspired: I made art.

I love Animal Crossing; it's very much my comfort game, especially with it's art style. I love drawing characters as little Chibis ^-^ So, I turned Wesley into a villager.

As said before, he had the LOUDEST purr, hence the catchphrase. And he loved naps with his people, so he's a lazy villager. (He also enjoyed going on long walks in the woods.. I can't remember the last time I walked in the woods.)

The shirt I drew him in is the one I was wearing the last time I held him; he came up purring like usual, meowing to get picked up. When I finally did, he kinda. Put his paws over my shoulders, like he was giving me a goodbye hug... I've heard that pets or people can tell when their time is coming, so maybe he just wanted to get one more cuddle in that day before he left.

Damn, I'm crying again.. I still miss him tons, even though it's been a month. IDK how long people usually mourn pets.. or people, for that matter.

I named him after one of my OCs. One of the twins mentioned in my earlier vent post; the energetic, outgoing one. Wesley the human didn't have a set hair color until I got my kitty, then he became a redhead.

I still don't know how to end normal posts, much less a rant like this, so.. idk. I'll be posting more stuff once I've got my ass in gear. Thanks for reading this far, love y'all, Ciao.

#kana's chats #vent #vent post #tw pet death #tw mentions of death #animal crossing #animal crossing oc #animal crossing art #art #oc

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goth-transmasc-demi-omni · 11 months

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Warning: this is a very long post, and I'm sorry. If you wouldn't mind I do have a transmasc beard question here at the top I could use help with 😊

Question: How do you stimulate beard growth?

I know it just takes time and the proper dose of T, but also I've heard about using a comb/facial roller thing to...stimulate the follicles or whatver? Anybody have luck with stuff like that? Or any tips at all really? Maybe beard products for cis men to start the growth? I really want a beard 😫🥺

Ok! Update since it's been forever! I've been on T for two months now, and I'm so excited for all the upcoming changes!

The first thing I noticed was the anxiety going down SO MUCH! The confidence increase, the lack of anxiety, it was crazy! Suddenly walking alone in parking lots at night is not nerve-wracking 🤣 crazy right?!

Second thing: bottom growth. I might be on a low dose, so my bottom growth is slight but it's THERE and some days walking around feels REAL WEIRD cuz there's a THING down there that wasn't before and is super sensitive. But I'm so excited for it to keep going even though it was the one thing that was holding me back from going on T in the first place 🤣 I was like "ehhh yeah I don't really want that, I feel like I'd dislike it a lot," but now I pump several times a week to encourage growth 🤩 Should be every day but I'm lazy.

Hair stuff! I have always had some peach fuzz on my upper lip, more than what is considered "normal" so I've always shaved it to fit in (I'm asd and I masked HARD). Well I stopped shaving it, and it grew in nicely! About a week ago I noticed the growth is farther down closer to the corners of my mouth than it's ever been!!! I'm SO EXCITED!!!! 🤩😁🤩😁🤩😄🤩😁🤩😁🤩😄🤩😁🤩😄🤩

I'm very blond, so the "peach fuzz" mustache is basically white, BUT my brother's beard is red, and my mom's whole family is a bunch of redheads SO I could potentially have a red beard 🤩🤩 fun fact: my redhead uncles have super blond, basically white eyebrows! So maybeeeee the white mustache could be red once it gets longer!

I take after my dad in almost every aspect, so unfortunately I'll probably have a blond beard (if I grow one at all) but in that case I might dye it :3 I really like the red beard look. I'm also considering dying my hair red. It's all shaved on the sides, and long on top to braid, like a viking :D a red-haired viking is pretty neat imo. I have beard beads even, from back when I had dreads. (Don't start, i know white people shouldnt really have dreads, it's a weird issue. I made mine by locking a bunch of synthetic hair, locking my own hair, and attaching them properly with all the care and respect and everything but still. I felt weird as a white person with dreads so I stopped.)

Anyways beard beads are awesome and if I grow a beard I'm definitely putting some beard beads in 🤩

Transmasc enthusiasm!!!! We need more trans positivity out here, especially as the news gets darker and darker ☹️

Also fun fact: my dad is extremely anti-trans. Like straight-up thinks it's a mental disorder and that trans people should either get help or die. He doesn't know I'm trans, I just have to sit and listen to his rants when I'm home.

So I mean it when I say I need all the trans positivity I can get. Cuz thinking about if my parents ever found out still makes me cry. I love my parents so much and I have an amazing connection with them and I don't wanna lose that, but 100% would if I came out.

I fully plan on hiding even after my voice drops and I get top surgery. I'll train myself to speak higher around them, and I'll wear a stuffed bra when I'm home.

Anyways. Here's to you, the ones who can't come out, who might never fully come out, but still wanna live your life the way you were meant to: you are valid, and you are loved. I love you. Keep being your awesome self 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

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dzpenumbra · 2 years

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11/1/22

Back in bed at 5 like clockwork. Today has been... nuts. Like... surprisingly good nuts. Intense, but good.

I woke up and got some food, cinnamon toast crunch and coffee. At 2 PM. It's a thing, don't question it too much. Coffee is my jam until it gets dark, on most days, if it's not an energy drink because I'm cutting corners... I got the cat set up. I did her meds around when I fed her, she needs an ointment in her ear twice a day for the hyperthyroidism and she really doesn't trust the applicator yet. I've kinda been trying to hide it from her and just like... act like it's me that's putting it on... but there were a lot of warning labels on the thing about like... wearing gloves and shit... and I really don't think she's gonna react any better if I'm wearing kitchen gloves. It's hard, it's what I imagine giving a very small child some medicine would be like if I were a single parent. Only that child is about 9 lbs, can fit through a hole the size of her whisker reach, has predatory teeth and claws evolved specifically to tear flesh, and does not trust medical procedures, really not a fan of needles or poking in or around orifices.

So that was a bit tough, but in the end pretty easy, and I hope worth it. She did unfortunately puke her breakfast up, which I didn't notice until way later in the day... around like 8 or 9. I think it'll get easier as she gets used to it and learns that it doesnt hurt, it's just applying an ointment inside her ear and then rubbing it after, and she gets treats after, so I think in time she'll get it. But the puking did freak me out a bit. I assumed at first it was a hairball, I'm no stranger to those. But this was all mush. And I've heard that while puke is pretty normal for dogs, it's really not a good thing for cats. But I calmed myself down reassuring that she was just changed onto a new food, and she just started a new medication that states clearly that a side effect can be nausea and vomiting, and she started that med the night before. So... that was a bit of a scare, but resolved fine.

A truck is making a shit ton of noise outside. It's 5:15 in the morning. I mean, it sounds like a goddamn train. I know I have a weird schedule, but I feel like that's really not a good time for anyone for a loud truck engine roaring through the valley. Like... the sun's not even up. So I hope they're okay, I hope it's not something wrong. But if they're just kinda bein a jerk or lazy or something? It's 5:15 man, we all got enough stress goin on, maybe be a bit more mindful of your job. Just sayin.

Anyway... enough of that negative shit. I hopped in the shower, sang along as always, as like literally every shower ever. Today was Kristoff Krane - Shine On, then AL7ONE, BTBAM - Turbulent, the new Devin Townsend single - Lightworker, then Kristoff Krane - Sea Spider. I love his flow on that one. I got Shine On and AL7ONE down really well, I've been practicing them for months now. Turbulent is good and gets me some screaming practice, which came back surprisingly easily (but may be departing as quickly as it returned, because I'm moving to an apartment building). I have a fun harmony I do on the second chorus with a bit of a counter-melody, and I go into falsetto octaves of what he's singing at the end, so it's good falsetto practice too. Lightworker I'm still in the baby stages of learning, it's more of a "time to get out of the shower" or "wash your face because you're not singing anyway" song, a transition song. Sea Spider is after I'm out of the shower, and I'm mostly listening and learning. Absorbing the rhythms and the melodic patterns, learning syllable combination patterns. Once I get the rhythmic pattern down (at least) I'll go and start working with the actual lyrics. Match the syllables to the rhythmic pattern I already know by heart. Then I start integrating the melody stuff. What notes he hits with each word, where the emphasis is, where the breaths tend to be (even though we all edit them out for some reason). I used to do that as like... a final pass, as like icing on a cake for covers, but I'm trying to do it a lot more deliberately and earlier in the process now. I struggled to really grasp... phrasing?... in earlier covers I did... like 9 years ago, I guess. You know, the other day. 9 years ago. That one. Yeah... ugh, old is a fun feeling...

So yeah, it's exciting to not just learn new music, but to like... refine my learning techniques in general. I never really thought much to do that, and that really came from skating I think. Most recently at least. To just... look at skating from another lens? I don't know, I'm getting distracted.

In short, the shower was good. I'm not really sure what I did after... oh shit, okay so I sanded quartz right after. Smart, right? Just got out of the shower, go get fucking quartz dust all over your hands. ... Is that what I did? Yeah... I think I had to, because... no I don't know, I might've done that after my therapy session... This is totally important, really need to stress about this, right?

So who cares, it clearly wasn't memorable. Oh shit okay so the end of it was looking at geometric tattoo sleeves, like geometric art in full tattoo sleeves. I'm doing my hoodie the way I would... do tattoos. If that makes sense? Like if I wanted to get a tattoo sleeve, I would probably get something like this. So I'm designing my hoodie sleeve that way, like interchangeable tattoos. It's not really the same, of course, there's really no replacement. But it's something I've always loved to do. And always felt compelled to do. Doodle on my pants. Doodle on my arms. Doodle in the margins of my notebooks. To the point where I either stopped getting lined paper notebooks and just used sketchbooks for class notes, or just ignored the lines altogether and just drew past them. I want to reconnect that part of myself, that just compulsively had to get art out of him. In pen. On anything nearby. He comes out when I listen to lectures, he grew up and trained in that environment. So I really need to make more time for him.

I got very inspired by the tattoo sleeve designs I was seeing. Lots of mandalas, of course, but also... like... tessellations? I think that's the right word, and I looked it up and it is. And a lot of organic looking abstract framing. Like... old Norse carving styles with weaving vine-like forms to frame things. And a surprising amount of realism animals just sorta peppered in with the geometric. It's a really stark contrast but when it's done right it looks insanely good. I really love it. So I became inspired to try it. And try it I did, later in the night.

But I went to my meeting first. It was awkward for probably... 15 seconds? And then we just transitioned very quickly into talking as... two souls on this planet. I think. I hope. Because one of the things that we really went over is that I think I can struggle to read people sometimes? I'm not sure. Or I just... assume that they're good and fine and understand and all that, because I want to see the best in them. An optimism thing, a faith thing, I guess. I do try to be a man of faith, you know?

We went over a lot of stuff pretty quickly and surprisingly in depth. How I think most of my problems stem from trauma-induced social anxiety. And that anxiety is very different from the trauma work I've been doing lately, it... needs different tools to address it, I guess? I feel like it even works different from like... stage anxiety, like performance anxiety. I can usually power through that, like getting on stream or dropping in on a quarter-pipe. But social anxiety is another monster, I think. It really feels that way. Maybe it's because social interaction is a basic human need?

We also went over depression. You know, the two generic problems literally every person can be diagnosed with - social anxiety and depression. But I kept Captain Eyerolls tucked away in the back of my head, distracted by one of my other personalities just dangling keys in front of him or something. You know, depression rolling its eyes at the mention of its name, that thing. But it loves to manifest itself as though it's like... smugness? or pride or something? Depression is a weird motherfucker, dude! And my social worker dude - I don't know what to call him yet - he made a really compelling point that really stuck with me about how depression really just doesn't serve a purpose. Like how anxiety and psychosis can even serve a purpose, they protect you, they keep you safe. At least they're designed to. But depression is just kinda there to bring you down. I don't know, now that I think about it, maybe it's a natural... I want to say defense mechanism but like... stabilizer? Equalization mechanism? Some sort of process in the brain to keep ego in check? To counteract pride? I don't like mechanism, it's such a dehumanizing word... like we're not dealing with a soul here, but like... a steam engine or something. Naw. I mean like a... a subconscious reflex and reaction to an overactive ego? An overly prideful and indulgent ego? I don't know, that would kinda make sense, because too much pride can just be flat out dangerous. And that would make bipolar make a ton of fucking sense, it's just rubber banding between extreme pride/ego and extreme depression, it's just like the world's most violent self-esteem seesaw.

So yeah, it's a very interesting thing I haven't really payed much attention to. And I fear that most of my work has been sorta... well... kind like most projects I do. I try to get the hard part out of the way first. The toughest stuff. Eat the thing on your plate you want the least first. Then savor the desert. So it only gets better the whole time. It would make sense that my therapeutic experience has mirrored that, I really live most of my life that way. So I think I kinda just... don't deal with and dismiss minor anxiety and depression things. Like I completely overlook them as even being problems, and I don't really practice enough things to soothe them and maintain that balance. And it becomes like a death by 1000 papercuts kinda situation. Where 1000's of "what if" and "shut up, just do it" combinations one after another gets things done, but leaves me super depressed. Beaten down. Too hard on myself. And that kinda just traumatizes my anxious self, the one asking "what if". Who, of course, is also me. So I'm kinda just beating myself up. Like every day. And who is lifting me up? Who is boosting my self-esteem? Who is helping me heal and see my strengths, to see hope? It doesn't happen very often.

So the tiny things... they build up over time. I'm picturing erosion. Like windswept deserts and those rock pillars of sedimentary rock formed from centuries of just... wind. Like the river banks at my local river, carved away from decades, centuries probably, of constant unending water flow. Like if every single morning for the next 3 years you go and just mark a tally on a wall in your room with a Sharpie. And by the end of it, you have 1095 tallies on the wall. Yeah, I got a calculator for that one. These types of art pieces have been popping into my head like crazy lately. I remember talking with my brother about it on the trail. Where I will just go up to a peace sign someone made of branches and just add a stone to it every time I pass by it, like a tribute at the altar to the god of peace or something. And the same with a cairn further up the trail. Just adding a stone to the top every time I pass. And eventually it's a gigantic pile. I have been minorly obsessed with this concept, the power of small things over time, for a bit now. I want to do more with it. I want to like... make full-on art installations based on this. I mean like... more. God my muse is just chomping at the bit lately, I'll get to that.

So the big change through millions of small things. That's my depression. And my social anxieties. They are super subtle and, add to that, I've trained myself to ignore them because there are "bigger things to work on". I have big bad PTSD, I don't need to worry about silly old lowercase social anxiety. Welp. I'm afraid I do. I'm afraid being all tough-guy brave hard-worker actually trained a blind spot, and the lame wussy stuff? It's caused some pretty bad problems. It's built up like plaque in my arteries or something. So... I need to make sure I do stupid silly things that... I guess some would consider feminine? But honestly, I think even most females I've known would just kinda consider them... lame. Which is by far the hardest barrier for I think anyone to get over in therapy work. Doing things you think are lame. Or are insecure others might think are lame. That one seals the deal for most people.

For me, it's these. More positive self-talk. Say nice things to myself. Be nice to myself. All parts of myself. I scrutinize my psyche constantly. I am constantly looking for ways to improve, for imperfections to polish. But I am literally my worst critic. And I do not hear a lot of pats on the back coming from me. I need to reintroduce that. And I need to let those in my life know that I struggle with self-esteem a LOT. Major depression stuff is a very clear symptom of... ego drought. A lack of self-esteem. I think, at least in my case, everyone is different... hearing genuine compliments and kindness on a regular basis, something I know is real and genuine - that will help me a bit. But I need to chime in. I need to be okay complimenting myself. I need to be okay going "I look fucking good today" or "I am really smart and talented". And I need to make a point to remind myself of that. It's a small thing, it's stupid, it's lame, it's kinda sad, but... it's really positive, and it can help both deflate my depression and inflate my self-esteem. Bring balance to the Force a bit.

The other stuff was about social anxiety, which I think we were both on the same page about that it's going to just be really hard for me as an extreme introvert, but it's only going to come from practice. Like I was writing last night (I think), social anxiety can't really be practiced in a mirror. I try, I talk to myself a lot, but... it's just not the same. So... meeting friends, going on dates, and... here's the tough part... regulating my "dreamer" qualities. That is supposed to be my Meyers-Briggs type - INFP - The Mediator, The Dreamer. I am very often compelled to imagine the world through the eyes of others, which can freak me out sometimes or make me insecure. Like looking bird in the eyes and just having this feeling like... awareness that it is also sentient and thinking thoughts, and having a parallel but somehow shared experience of reality. Like my First Person camera just zips out of my head and goes over to the bird for a minute and looks back at me, then goes back to my head. I had that actually happen on Salvia, the one and only time I did it. Or maybe it was just a visualization in my imagination, like a waking dream or something? Either way, it was very resonant and powerful, and important to me. That concept of really respecting and being aware of life, of reality for what it is. It's... freaky shit though. It's weird. it feels like a sci-fi movie or something, like a sci-fi horror existential kinda feeling. I don't know if I'm making sense, but yeah... that feeling in particular, and that... awareness of the sentience of another soul... it feels like a very big symptom of just... being away from that for so long. Like... when it's been so long since you made eye contact with anything that it's weird for you to make eye contact with your cat? That's a serious problem. And... here's the anxiety part... there's gonna be a real steep learning curve full of freakouts and overwhelming people, and weirding them out because of how... not acclimated to social interactions I am. How oblivious to certain social norms I may be. Because out here, on deez streetz. In survival isolation hermitville. We don't play games and shit. We just say our truth, speak our feelings, with the best heart and intentions we can.

So I really am going to have to work on like... social conventions. He mentioned asking permission for support, and like... talking about heavy topics and shit. And honestly, it's not a bad idea. Not just... to spare the other person being blindsided by a heavy topic, but... to gauge for myself whether this person is even going to be helpful for me. See, I think I get a little desperate and just do this whole "any port in a storm" thing... and I just take literally anything I can get. And yeah, it feels really weird and counterintuitive to train myself to be a picky eater when I'm starving. (I am also actually very hungry, so I'm going to get some food before I go to sleep) But the analogy is very apt. It really doesn't not compute to my survival brain to go "do not get help from this person, it's not going to go well". "You need to stop hanging out with this person, they are not only ignoring your needs, they are actually telling you to your face that your needs aren't being considered".

So that's probably the hardest thing I have ahead to work on. The whole overriding and reprograming my social skills. Detecting and walking away from draining behaviors when the cost is too great, not overlooking them and forgiving them regardless. I think I can still be a nice and forgiving person without subjecting myself to those things for no gain. It's a tough one for me, I want to be as saintly and giving as I can be, but that has destroyed me in so many ways over the years. So I'm really just juggling this whole morality vs. self care thing. And exploring those boundaries a bit. It's gonna take time and a lot of uncomfortable moments where I feel like I'm abandoning people. But I need to do it. The door is open, the phone number is not blocked, I'll pick up if they call and try, but I need to walk away. I need to voluntarily go back to isolation. To being alone. To this. Of my own free will. Because this is crap, let's be honest, but it's not the worst thing in the world. It's not hell. It's just... quiet. It's sitting alone in a field at night. It's not bad if you learn how to find the beauty in it. So... that's gonna take some work, but it's on the horizon.

Depression - better self talk. Anxiety - trial runs, take chances, look for the proof of insecurities. A lot all at once, but I can say some nice things about myself today. And if I can reassure my panic when I'm high, I'm sure I can calm down my social anxiety a little bit with a fun little investigative deep dive. It's a start.

After the session I sanded stones. A clear solid quartz crystal that I found a while ago on a trail. I'm still learning how to shape stones well, getting them symmetrical by eye and by hand is really tricky. Faceting is a very interesting concept I'd be interested in learning someday. Like gem faceting. But if I can get this quartz piece shaped right... by scraping tiny tiny bits off with microdiamond-coated sanding pads over and over for hours... it's going to look like pure glass. It's a really nice piece. But it's a bit on the thin side. So I don't know how much is going to be left over, but whatever is left over will look absolutely gorgeous. No cracks, I'm pretty sure no imperfections at all, but maybe one or two, I'll look it over tomorrow. either way, pretty cool and exciting to see it come along. The other is a greenstone/quartz banded piece. It's like a triangle shape, like an axe blade shape almost. I cleaned that up a lot, it was much easier and quicker to work with because it's mostly greenstone and that's pretty soft. I think it might have some mica bands in it too, I'm not too sure, it's kinda yellowish, I can't remember if it's metallic. It's pretty cool, I love the banding, but it's not really screaming to me.

Talked with my mom while cooking dinner, a good hour and a half. We were on the same page about a lot of stuff, it really felt like a conversation with a friend and I'm very grateful for it. I hate to skip over it, it was very helpful and nice, but... it was kinda just filling her in on most of the stuff I covered here. Adding in some talk about work stuff and maybe doing some writing stuff about like... local problems and sending them into the newspaper or something. It was nice encouragement. I'm just like... I don't want to be an activist, you know? I don't want to piss anyone off. I hate that they don't have lights at the skatepark, I hate that they have no smoking signs threatening $100-400 fines and shit. It's so negative and just like... shitty parenting. Passive aggressive, honestly. "It's legal, but don't do that shit here". Like... dude, you don't even fucking use the park, and you're telling me it's illegal for me to sit in my car and smoke a cigarette, you're going to FINE ME, because what? Your kid might walk by 200 yards away at the swing set and see my cool ass smoking a cigarette because I'm bored and lonely and go "I want to be like that guy when I grow up"?

I'm stopping this rant before I start again. She encouraged I write to a newspaper to share my rant. It makes me uncomfortable, even under an alias. So... maybe I should. Just to prove that shit wrong. I mean, I literally just did it, it's just... the paper is more deliberately visible. I don't know. It's something to discuss. (All clearly anxiety responses, I know... I just want to move on so I can sleep tonight because I have a lot more to cover.)

After the great conversation, I got Max fed again. I got my now-cold dinner, buffalo mac and cheese, cream soda and watered down limeade, and I decided to say "fuck it, I'm putting on a movie". It was a very deliberate choice, a strong deviation from the norm - it's always YouTube or Twitch for me. Never Netflix. I was surprised I still had login info stored. I watched Before I Wake, it's a Mike Flanagan movie. I really like his work, like a LOT. I don't like his term... the Flanaverse. I don't like that. That's corny as fuck, sorry dude. XD

But I noticed like 5 minutes into the movie... Oh yeah, I watched it because it was Halloween, just... in case that wasn't obvious... Yeah so a few minutes in, I was suddenly very aware that I had seen it before. But I knew I loved it when I saw it, and I haven't re-watched something since like... Lost or Battlestar Galactica. So I said fuck it and watched it. I absolutely love that movie. It scared me. It made me smile. It made me cry hard. It made my heart sink. It made me nod in agreeance while crying and smiling. As a creative who has a history of working directly with dreams, who has a lot of trauma, good lord, just... watch the movie! If you are even remotely like me and you want a better understanding of how trauma affects creative people, fuck... all people, honestly. Like everyone in that movie was severely traumatized. It's a hauntingly accurate depiction. The way he depicts the ghosts and demons are just... so much better and more... personal and true-to-life than a lot of the "watch this to get scared" movies out there.

I wish he did less jump scares. I understand the purpose and they do work, but... okay. I wish he did less jump scares so that the movies would stop being classified as horror movies. His shit is not like... slasher movies. Or monster movies really. Some are. But what I've always loved about good horror is that it's not about the monsters or the ghosts, the superficial feeling of "ooo that was spooky did that make you jump? I wasn't scared!". It's about people. It's about the human condition. It's about death and loss and pain, trauma, greed, hunger, evil. The dark side of the human condition. Through very clear symbols. The vampire - the seductive predator, that must be invited into your home by your own doing. The werewolf - the transformer, who when triggered turns into a merciless inhumane beast. The ghost - who is lost, or amnesic, or vengeful; an echo of a person after dealing with severe loss, often death. The demon - your inner darkness.

I do not want to spoil the movie, I will say no more. But it's a very different type of "horror" movie, it's a very different kind of scary. It's scary in a very real-life kinda way. When you don't fight it and try to go "oh that's lame" or whatever. I, personally, think it's an absolute masterpiece. And it has very good pacing too, there weren't many moments where I was bored and was okay looking away from the screen. If the way I write makes sense to you, give it a shot. I found the ending very relatable and feel it really couldn't end any other way.

After that, I was very emotionally stirred. I went and hung out with Max for a bit. We played. She played like 2 or 3 times today, she was on one tonight. I foam-rolled my back out a bit. It was around midnight, and I decided on impulse to... get my dog's collar and bring kitty over to the mattress in the living room where all three of us had our last night together. I'm getting butterflies just typing this. I remembered about Samhain and wanted to do research on the lore. The book I have on Modern Druidry was like... just a list of symbols - evergreen, purple and silver, a goddess of wisdom I think?, a cauldron, a mountain, stuff like that. They didn't really have any stories. But the common theme is how thin the veil between the realm of the living and the realm of the dead is today. And traditionally this is a communing with the spirits thing. Like in Passover where you're supposed to leave your door open in case someone needs protection and a feast that night, but instead my local temple had an entry fee. That kinda thing. Let's just fastforward over my bitterness on that one... XD

Samhain is about the death part of the transformative life cycle. And I decided to make a little time to just... remember my pup. And jingle the collar a bit which made the sound I used to hear every day. And remember her floppy ears and goofy smile. And her always bubbly and ready to play no matter what attitude. I miss her a lot. And it was really sad and hard to visit, but it was really cathartic. And Max came and sniffed around by me too, like she was looking for something, investigating the area. It was nice that she involved herself. She initiated too, which was really cool of her.

After that extremely powerful moment, experiencing Halloween as it was kinda intended to be experienced for the first time, sharing the room with the deceased... I went and started working on my hoodie. And put on YouTube and music stuff. I found a guy who is a phenomenal screamer - Will Ramos of Lorna Shore - who learned how to scream by listening to music in the shower. The same album I learned a lot of my screaming techniques from too, Lamb of God's Sacrament.

Going full circle to the beginning of my day, the beginning of this post. Singing in the shower. This guy taught himself and ended up in like 3-4 successful touring bands at age 27 by just... singing in the shower. Well... being allowed to sing in the shower without consequence... that's a big one. And it hit me pretty hard. Screaming will be off the menu soon, once I move to my apartment. In fact, loud singing might be too. I really fucking hope not, I love singing so much, and I really want to learn how to project more and louder. But I really do not want to piss off my neighbors. My mental process led back to a lingering thought I've had for a while now. My forte has always been hip-hop. Stream of consciousness poetry in lyrical form. Like beat poetry, but rap. I've been listening to a LOT of Kristoff Krane lately. I have been thinking... I think I'm going to make a new album soon. And I may only be able to practice and record hip-hop, because projected singing and screaming will be too loud to practice. So... it's cool to see that my technique of singing in the car and shower are dead-on accurate to how people get really good at professional singing, if you just add in the lessons on top... Still missing that part... But even cooler to get another divine nudge towards recording more solo music.

I decided to commit to adding a centerpiece to my hoodie's right arm. A crow head and shoulders silhouetted over a crescent moon, in a circular frame. I want to do ornamentation with the frame, I'm still figuring it out. Like the wire-wrapping I've been doing for jewelry, but simulated. The crow is penciled in pretty well, I'm comfortable with the proportions. The circles are good enough, using a compass on dark cloth is a real bitch, especially for several circles. I'm just not really sure about inking quite yet, I haven't done a monotone, black and white line drawing in a long ass time, and never with a pen as big as my felt tip fabric pen. It's like... the size of a slightly used regular size Sharpie tip. I'm very used to ballpoint pen, mechanical pencil, ultrafine tip Sharpie and Micron pens. So... I feel like I need to plan where I'm going to be inking when I don't have the luxury of doing lots of very fine lines for texture. I might practice a bit, because this piece is becoming much more of a... display piece than a test run...

So yeah, haven't put ink to it yet but a lot of the sketch is on the hoodie and I'm feeling really good about it. I think this sleeve is going to be really cool, I'm thinking of doing several freefloating and overlapping mandalas between the geometric cuff that's already done and kinda underneath the centerpiece. I'm not entirely sure yet, I'm still figuring out how to incorporate it and make it not just look like the crow piece is like... an afterthought that's just floating on top of a busy background or something.

That's work for tomorrow, not now.

So it's been a really powerful day. Like super powerful. And I'm so deeply grateful for a day like today. I plan to be a bit more deliberate with my life to create more days like it. And I plan to keep nurturing this inspiration I got from today, and take the chances I need to take (inking the fabric, buying the DAW, recording the album, trying the kickflip, saying fuck it) in order for them to flourish.

But for now... I rest.

#diary #online diary #journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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tsvkishma · 3 years

Text

you wanna kiss me so bad, huh?

series: my hero academia / boku no hero academia

pairings: katsuki bakugo x reader

length: 5k words

warnings: swearing, mentions of making out (w/ a minor), breach of privacy??

tags: secret relationship, enemies to lovers, high school AU, reader-insert

summary: the mutual agreement between you and your bf to keep your relationship on the DL is about to be ruined when he makes the stupid mistake to leave his phone on the table for the whole class to see

author’s note: i’m so sorry! i really tried to make it gender neutral, but it was female leaning... i apologize! i’m still pretty new to writing dis homie so please be lenient when it comes to character accuracy lol. i also apologize for the messy, unstructured writing. also thank u to bae @izvkos for proofreading!

Just as you were getting ready to doze off, the school bell rang, startling you and making you jerk up from your comfortable position on the desk with your head in your arms. Some of your classmates got up to stretch, since it was the break time between classes. Unfortunately, it had only been the end of third period and you had a long school day to go through. You let out a low groan of disappointment. I guess I’ll have to keep myself awake just a little bit longer.

To be honest, you didn’t mean to stay up all night... it was just that you couldn’t help binge-watching your favorite show last night. You convinced yourself that you were only going to watch one episode before you went to sleep... then one lead to two... then three... and then before you knew it, the birds started chirping. But, hey! It wasn’t your fault that it was so addicting!

“Oi.”

You look up to see Bakugo peering over you with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face, “Tch, you don’t look so good today. Didn’t get enough sleep? How are you gonna be a pro hero with those bad habits of yours?”

You scoffed, “Oh, fuck off. Sorry I don’t go to sleep at 8 every night… grandpa.”

“Yeah, yeah. Make fun of me all you want, but who’s gonna be laughing when you fail your exams next week. I see you dozing off in class, you act like Aizawa-sensei doesn’t even notice,” Bakugo grunts.

You coo, “Awe, is blasty-boy watching me during class? I didn’t know you were this deeply in love with me! So cute.”

His face went red for a moment before his usual angry expression returned, “I DON’T HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU DAMMIT! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR STUPID CRAP LIKE THAT!”

“Y/n! Stop teasing Bakugo like that! You know he can’t handle it...” Mina chimed in, joining the fun.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T HANDLE IT?! ” screamed Bakugo.

“Quiet down back there.,” threatened Cementoss as he entered the class to prepare his next lesson.

You and Mina were just laughing at your classmate screaming his head off, it was always an amusing sight if anything. Even though Bakugo denies having a crush on you, it wasn’t true. And you knew that. He had a fat crush on you, but it was more than that! He was your boyfriend.

You guys had kept your relationship on the down-low for about a month now, your relationship only became official about a week ago, but you guys had been going on dates prior. Bakugo wanted to keep your relationship a secret, you know, to protect his ego or whatever since there has always been a rivalry between the two of you and everyone in Class 1-A was painfully aware of it. He was too proud to let anyone know that he fell for someone he once vouched as his enemy.

There was always constant bickering between the two of you. Whether it be something minute or something that you would argue over for a couple of days. It’s not like the arguments were unintentional because they were started just to spite the other. Bickering would start about each other’s fighting technique in battle or even accusing the other of stealing their food from the shared fridge in the dorms.

The rest of your class was so sick and tired of the ongoing feud so one day, they set out a plan (led by Kaminari and Kirishima) to lock you two in a room just to sort out your differences. They set a date where they would trick you two into thinking that there was a class activity that everyone had to attend, but it would just be you two to show up and you would smash the beef between you two, and BOOM! Problem solved.

Just as the day came for the plan, something was weirdly off about you two. The morning of, you two both came into class at the same time and it was dead silent between you two. No bickering, no petty comments, and no evil stares. As more and more people were arriving, they would immediately notice the weird tension in the air. It was strangely quiet, not just because you and Bakugo were silent, but because everyone else was too. The thought of you guys not constantly at each other’s necks that morning sort of put off the rest of the class. It felt weird to talk over the dead silence when they were so used to your guys’ voices as ambiance while they were in conversation.

As the day went on, nothing changed and you guys were still silent and ignoring each other. Obviously, everyone was suspicious about what exactly happened between you two to make you ignore one another. There was no way that you guys were angry at each other because when you were, both of you made it clear by arguing and yelling loudly.

However, before anyone had the chance to ask why you guys were so quiet, Bakugo decided to approach you for the first time between class periods. At this point, the class was back to normal and having regular conversations with one another during break time, but all of their eyes were on you two, and their voices hushed to pay attention to the tense interaction shared between you two.

“Oi. Let’s talk,” said Bakugo bluntly.

You looked up at his crimson red eyes for a second before looking away as if his presence wasn’t even there. At this point, you didn’t know what to say to him, yet. This fired up Bakugo because within a second he started yelling again.

“HEY DUMBASS! YOU DON’T GET TO IGNORE ME LIKE THAT!” he screamed.

You turned to meet his glare annoyed, “Oh, shut the fuck up. I don’t owe you shit. Leave me alone.”

He tested, “The fuck did you say to me, idiot?!”

“Fuck off, dipshit, all you ever wanna do is yell! And might I add- you do it loudly. Are you such a fucking grandpa that you can’t even hear yourself speak? Can you ever jjust shut. the. fuck. UP!” you yelled back.

The arguing continued and the rest of Class 1-A continued with their previous conversations after seeing you guys back to normal. The tension between you guys soon left their minds as they continued with the rest of their day. Unbeknownst to them, the night before you two were arguing like usual in the kitchen area of the dorms before Bakugo made his first move on you.

The argument started with you getting angry at Bakugo for making a mess on the counter after spilling some of his water. It was late at night and no one else was around and you two happened to wake up around the same time to get a drink of water.

“You idiot, clean up your fucking mess. You spilled it all over the counter,” you said as you gestured to the spilled water.

“Tch. I didn’t spill shit. If it bothers you so much, why don’t you go clean it up yourself?” he groaned as he leaned against the counter.

Appalled, you grabbed the roll of paper towels and threw it at his head. He was caught off guard as the roll of paper hit his forehead. It fell and rolled out onto the floor. Now, he was truly annoyed.

“Fuck was that for, huh?!” he said staring at you, smoke practically coming out of his ears.

You laughed, “Just giving you a hand since it seemed like you were too fucking lazy to grab the paper towels yourself. Seems like the grandpa’s getting too old to do stuff for himself, boohoo.”

He growled, rage evident in his face. You laughed to yourself looking away from his face. The next thing you knew, he grabbed you by the shoulders and pushed you against the fridge behind you. You were pinned by his big, rough hands and he was closer to your face than usual, yet still enraged.

You tried to wiggle out of his grip, but it was useless, “Let go of me, idiot! You need to learn how to take a fucking joke.”

He didn’t respond, but he kept his eyes on your face. You tried moving away, but now his grip on your shoulders tightened, making your breath hitch.

“What the fuck is your problem? You want me to say sorry or something? Did the paper towel knock the fucking sense out of you? Let me go!” you argued.

“What happened to all your fucking hero training? Can’t get out of my grip, huh? How pathetic,” he growled in a low tone.

You felt his eyes piercing into your own and it was making you a little bit uncomfortable. He’s never been physical with you, even with the constant bickering between you guys. This was a side of him you’ve never seen.

You started, “Look, did I hurt your feelings or something? Did I hit you really hard on the head? There’s no point in holding me against the fridge. Plus, the handle is kind of hurting my back-”

“Shut up,” he stated plainly.

He looked away, avoiding eye contact with you. Okay.... suspicious much...

You tried moving once again, then he pulled you up from the fridge only to slam you back against it, but this time harder.

“Why can’t you just fucking stay still?!” he started yelling.

“Ow! Because you’re being a fucking weirdo! There’s something fucking wrong with you, it’s starting to creep me out! What the fuck are your intentions anyway, huh?!” you argued back.

His calmness fading, he yelled back, “SHUT THE FUCK UP! ALL YOU EVER DO IS GET ON MY FUCKING NERVES LIKE YOU KNOW EVERY FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD!”

His face was inching closer and closer to your face with each word pouring from his mouth. You smirked at this.

You laughed, teasing, “Oh, you wanna kiss me so bad, huh?”

He immediately froze after hearing that sentence spill from your mouth and avoided eye contact yet again. Oddly enough, he returned to his calmer self... If you didn’t know any better, it was obvious that that sentence held some truth with him.

“Look just-”

Before you could finish your sentence, his lips crashed onto yours. Your eyes shot wide open at the shock of the situation. Bakugo Katsuki fucking kissed you... Bakugo Katsuki. The Bakugo Katsuki who always argued with you. The Bakugo Katsuki who always got on your nerves. THAT Bakugo Katsuki.

Taking you away from your thoughts, he pulled away from the kiss. He examined your face for your reaction, but you were frozen in place with your eyes shot wide open. You didn’t know what to do, as if you were a computer and you were going through some code that you weren’t programmed to handle. He looked away and scoffed at himself, mumbling.

“Of course, she didn’t fucking like that, idiot...” he mumbled.

His grip on you loosened and his hands were brought to his side and he couldn’t bear to look at you in the face again. Breaking from your frozen state, you focused your eyes on him. He pulled his face away from your point of view and was scratching his neck in embarrassment and you could notice the light blush spread on his cheeks. You felt a little tug on your heart that you’ve never felt before when looking at him. At that moment, he was just so freaking cute.

Mentally telling yourself that you’re gonna regret this later, you grabbed his face in your hands and pulled him closer to you again. Your lips locked with his and you closed your eyes to bask in the moment. Only this time, Bakugo’s eyes were shot wide open, but only for a second. Relief soon spread across his face and his eyes rested on your waist, pulling you closer.

Both of you guys wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment forever, the rivalry between you two completely non-existent. As all good things must come to an end, you pulled away from him and your eyes made contact for a second before you both looked away, blushing. Realization soon hit you and you didn’t know what to do next.

“I-”

“Uh-”

You guys stuttered at the same time, making eye contact for a second before looking away. The atmosphere between the two of you was confusing. Before you could think of another thing to say, he spoke up first.

“Good night,” he said.

He walked away swiftly and turned the corner to the hallway towards his dorm. You stood for a few seconds not knowing what to think. You released the breath that you didn’t realize you were holding in and proceeded to walk towards your dorm room. Leaving the kitchen a bit of a mess for the night.

The next day it was Kaminari who was blamed for leaving the paper towel on the floor and some spilled water on the counter. Poor boy.

Now, the relationship that you had with ‘blasty-boy’ would probably seem complicated and confusing in the eyes of others, but you two were pretty content with where you guys were at. There was an unspoken agreement that you would keep your relationship under wraps. You knew how Bakugo always tried to upkeep his ego of being the best. You’ve always assumed that he didn’t want anyone to know he had a soft spot for you. And you didn’t necessarily mind not sharing your relationship out in the open, anyway. I mean, you guys only just made your relationship official, but it was a little hard to keep your mouth shut when you desperately wanted to gush about him with the other girls of Class 1-A.

Although, you guys have managed to maintain the rivalry between you guys in front of the others. It’s not like you guys were faking it, though. Only now, you guys saw it as fun, meaningless banter and meant nothing by it. The few times that you’ve got to spend with Bakugo alone were completely different from when you would be with him as a group.

On one of your more recent dates, he invited you to watch a movie in his dorm room and he was so adamant about keeping you close to him throughout the movie. At one point in the night, you tried to get up to use the restroom real quick and his arm around your waist pulled you back down, making you fall onto his lap and you stared up at him. He ignored you and stared at the laptop screen.

“Uh... I need to go pee. Let me go, please?” you smiled up at him.

He gave you a glance and reverted his stare to the screen again, “No.”

“What do you mean no? I drank so much water because the popcorn was too salty... come on. You want me to pee on you or something?” you joked.

He laughed, “So, what if I do?”

You sat up and his gaze finally met yours and his signature smirk was plastered on his face.

You grabbed one of his pillows and hit him with it, “Ew, you’re so fucking gross! I’m going.”

He laughed and finally allowed you to leave, but rest assured, he snuggled up with you when you came back.

Right now, you were hanging with the rest of your class in the common room. On Fridays, you guys all agreed to a movie night after a long week of classes. You were sitting with the rest of the girls, settled between Momo and Mina. The movie hasn’t started yet since everyone was starting to get comfortable and settled in. A few of your classmates were grabbing popcorn and other snacks in the kitchen while the rest of you guys were just chatting. Somehow, the conversation between the girls evolved into talking about relationships.

“Oh my god! There was this really cute guy that I accidentally bumped into at lunch and apparently he’s a third-year! I hope I bump into him again, he was seriously cute,” gushed Mina.

“That’s so cute, Mina! I wish I had, like, ANY romantic interactions. My life’s so boring...” groaned Ochaco.

“Same,” said Hagakure.

The rest of the girls sort of nodded in agreement, but you just sat there sipping your juice pouch loudly.

“Y/n? You’re awfully quiet,” teased Tsu as she nudged you with her elbow.

“Well, I mean-”

“What are you ladies talking about over here, huh?” said Denki as he and the other boys inched closer to the girls to join their conversation.

Momo spoke up, “Seems like Y/n over here has a crush!”

You covered your face in embarrassment, “No I do not! It’s... uh... look we’re just... talking?”

Kirishima teased, “Awe so who’s the lucky individual?”

“Yeah, I wanna know who captured our Y/n’s heart,” laughed Sero.

“It’s no one...” you said after trying to recover after digging yourself in a deeper hole.

“Hey, Bakugo. How do you feel about Y/n’s new crush, huh? Maybe your love for her isn’t reciprocated after all...” started Kaminari before Bakugo stood from his seat on the couch and grabbed his shirt to intimidate him.

He growled, “I don’t have a crush on Y/n. How many times do I have to tell you idiots that?!”

“You’re just jealous that Y/n’s significant other is probably hotter than you!” laughed Mina.

Visibly annoyed at the situation, Bakugo walks away rolling his eyes and mumbling, “Tch. Can’t believe I go to school with a bunch of idiots...”

“Awe, can’t take it anymore? Your love for me is so strong that it pains you to listen to this conversation, huh, Bakugo?” you teased.

“Shut up. I’m going to the bathroom,” he said plainly.

The rest of your classmates on the couch got a laugh in before the topic of your potential significant other died down into smaller topics within different people. Those who were in the kitchen preparing the snacks for everyone finally came back and everyone was finding their seats around the TV and your boyfriend had yet to come back.

You pulled out your phone to text him and right as you did, Iida turned off the lights.

“Yo, Y/n. Turn off your phone it’s too bright and the movie’s about to start,” nudged Mina.

You apologized, “Sorry. I’ll turn it off in a minute I just need to text someone.”

You pulled up your boyfriend’s text log and typed in a message for him:

yo blasty boy why arent u back from the bathroom the movies starting

...also i saved u a seat next to me so we can cuddle (lowkey of course hehe)

After sending those two messages, you put away your phone in your pocket. Everyone was concentrated on the movie and you set your attention on the TV screen until...

PING PING

A phone on the coffee table lit up brightly while making two loud notification pings. Everyone lost focus on the movie and looked over at the phone on the table. No doubt that it was your grandpa of a boyfriend’s phone pinging. Before you could do something, Kirishima grabbed it.

“Who the hell didn’t turn off their ringer? And why is it so damn loud..” laughed Sero.

Kirishima’s eyes scanned his phone for a quick second before his eyes widened and he covered his mouth in surprise.

“Holy shit! Bakugo has a girlfriend!” yelled Kirishima.

You couldn’t help but cover your face in your blanket... Bakugo was about to be so mad at you. Your secret would be out and honestly, you were glad, but you know that your boyfriend didn’t want anyone to find out anytime soon. At least, not like this.

Everyone turned to Kirishima, suddenly losing interest in the movie playing in front of them.

“Oh my god, you’re joking!” squealed Yaoyorozu.

Ojiro claimed, “There’s no way that Bakugo has a girlfriend. Not that hothead.”

“Bro, I’m not joking! And guess what... it’s someone in this room!” exclaimed Kirishima.

Everyone starts looking around the class, silently accusing their classmates of being the culprit.

“Look what they said: ‘also i saved u a seat next to me so we can cuddle‘! Someone better start speaking upppppp!” said Kaminari teasingly as he got the phone from the red-haired boy.

“So, who is it?” grinned Ochako.

Sero peeked at the phone in Kirishima’s hands, “There’s no name, it just says ‘dumbass’. That’s so like Bakugo.”

You sighed in relief. You didn’t know that Bakugo didn’t have your contact as your actual name.

“G-guys! I don’t think Kacchan would want us to go through his phone...” protested Midoriya.

“Midoriya is right! This is not respectful behavior, we should respect our classmate’s privacy,” Iida said matter-of-factly.

Kaminari replied, “Aw, come on you guys are no fun! It’s harmless, anyway! If it really is someone in our class, we were bound to find out! It’s inevitable!”

You grab the phone from him and said, “Wow, Kaminari, I didn’t know you had the vocabulary capacity for the word inevitable! Now, let me see this...”

Lo and behold, your messages were shown on the screen under the name ‘dumbass’. You tried to analyze the situation and how you could use this small sliver of anonymity to your advantage. You concluded that just trying to play off the situation would be the best thing to do-

“Woah, woah, woah. What’s that as Bakugo’s wallpaper?” said Mina as she slowly grabbed the phone from your hands.

Right then, a horror scene played out right in front of your eyes. As everyone was standing crowded around the phone (whether they agreed with peering through your boyfriend’s phone or not), they were looking at the brightly-lit device in the pink girl’s hands and she deleted the notifications to show his very-telling wallpaper… you could say there was a slight miscalculation in your plan as you failed to notice earlier that his wallpaper was the two of you... making out.

You couldn’t bear to look at what was on his phone as everyone let out their gasps. It was too embarrassing, everyone seeing such an intimate moment on your boyfriend’s phone. Bakugo had taken that picture on a whim one night when you two were having one of your movie nights. When he did that, you were shocked because there was no way that Bakugo took pictures of himself ever. Honestly, you were shocked to see that he knew how to take a selfie. Nonetheless, you peeked through your fingers at the phone in Mina’s hand just for a bit.

To your surprise, he set the wallpaper to LIVE MODE. Live mode...... Everyone was watching you guys make out in action like it was a fucking movie.

That motherfucker...

The silence of realization was then disrupted as the girls let out their squeals and the whole class was causing a commotion while the boys high-fived each other as if they won a competition or something. Everyone was up and moving, a strong contrast from them mere minutes ago when they were lounging around on the couch and floor. Sero was shaking your shoulders as you covered your face in your hands. Your face was heating up from all the embarrassment and you couldn’t bear to look at any of your classmates after what they just witnessed.

You didn’t know what to think. Half of you were completely embarrassed that your friends just saw you in an embarrassing scenario and half of you were angry at Bakugo because this was all his fault! Who the fuck puts such an intimate moment as their wallpaper?! Why not something cute? And of course, it had to be a live photo…

You finally peered through your hands again to see the scene in front of you. Mina was laughing so hard on the couch that she was on the verge of tears.

“I CAN’T BREATHE! NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I EVER EXPECT THIS SHIT!” she cried.

Most of the boys were still jumping up and down like some monkeys due to the sheer excitement and energy in the room. Uraraka walked up to you and smiled widely while placing her hands firmly on your shoulders.

“Wow! Who would’ve thought that you and Bakugo were a thing! I honestly didn’t see that coming… sorry that we all had to find out that way. I was a little too absorbed in the excitement to consider how you felt,” said the round-faced girl.

With your face still red, you said, “Don’t worry about it… it was bound to happen soon enough, right? Although, now I’m a little embarrassed, but I guess I’m kind of relieved that I don’t have to put much effort into hiding our relationship anymore.”

Yaoyorozu chimed in, “Honestly, this is more entertaining than the movie we were just watching!”

You laughed along with the other girls who were nearby. On the other side of the room, the boys were making a train throughout the room and singing.

“Uh, y/n,” interrupted Asui, “Look.”

The man-of-the-hour walked in the room with his hands in his pockets with his usual grumpy expression. He stopped to examine the room and stared quietly at the energetic group of boys.

He scoffed, “What are you nerds doing? Why aren’t you guys watching the fucking movie, huh?”

He looked around the room until his eyes met yours and you quickly looked away, which caught his attention. Your mind was racing a mile a minute trying to think of an excuse. Your gaze averted to the ground, but you could hear his footsteps heading your way.

“Since when did your socks suddenly get so interesting that you can’t look me in the eyes?” teased Bakugo.

He brought his hand up to your chin and lifted your face to meet his gaze. His playful smirk instantly dropped once he saw your expression. Your eyes were borderline teary and seemed lost, like a sad puppy.

He whispered so that only you could hear, “Baby… what’s up?”

You wanted to give in to his touch at that very moment and run into his arms, but you resisted because you knew that it would be too selfish given how you just broke your guys’ agreement. You didn’t deserve to be in his embrace right now, he was seconds away from finding out that your guys’ secret came out accidentally all because you sent a random text. You pulled your face away from his grip and moved away from him.

“W-wait, what-” he started.

“HEYYYYYYYYYYY, BAKUBRO!” said Kaminari and he wrapped an arm around him (much to Bakugo’s dismay), “How come you didn’t tell your buddies that you had a soft side to you, huh?”

Bakugo grunted, “What the fuck are you going on about?”

Kirishima chimed, “You know, you shouldn’t leave your phone out in the open like that… it makes you vulnerable!”

Still confused he said, ”Did worms get in your brains? We’ve been only one day off from school and you start lacking common sense?”

To his surprise, you walk up with his phone in your hand while keeping eye contact, unlike earlier.

“Sherlock, I thought you would’ve connected the dots by now,” you sighed, with a tinge of sadness behind it, “Your wallpaper… really?”

You hold up the phone up to his face and his reaction was almost humorous to you. His eyes widened and his face was painted with a light tint of pink.

For the first time in your life, you witnessed your boyfriend at a loss for words. The rest of your class watched the whole interaction and some restrained laughs were let out and they were all back to square one, laughing like maniacs. You were about to join in and laugh with them when you realized again what the situation at hand was. You were scared of how Bakugo would react since this would be the first rift in your relationship and you didn’t want to have a genuine argument with him, especially with how angry he could get. Suddenly, you felt a pair of hands grasp yours and you look up to see your boyfriend smiling at you.

“I-”

Before you could say a single word, he hauls you on his shoulder, and you yelp in surprise. You don’t know how you ended up in this position, but now you’re dangling off of him and now you’re staring at the ground. (Also, his face was dangerously close to your ass, but you didn’t mention it.) He starts walking away and away from the commotion towards his dorm room. Before you can protest, he leans his head on your body causing you to freeze up. You could feel his warmth from his body heat against your shirt.

“You know… I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you,” he says quietly.

Your brain took time to process that sentence… was Bakugo actually not mad? Most importantly, who knew such sweet words could come out of his mouth? You couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief and you relaxed a bit.

Wanting to tease him, you said, “Sorry, you were too quiet. Could you repeat that again?”

He groaned, “I said… I’m not mad at you, I could never be.”

You giggled, “I know. I heard you the first time, but I thought my ears were deceiving me… Katsuki Bakugo is saying something nice for once? Whatttt…”

He shook you a little, “Forget it. You didn’t hear anything.”

Raising yourself a little, you patted your boyfriend on the head, “Nope. Remembering that phrase forever and ever.”

“Whatever.”

You smiled, “Whatever!”

2K notes · View notes

libraryofloveletters · 3 years

Text

A June Wedding

Evan Buckley x Reader

Warnings: alcohol and the consumption of

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 2.8k

Author’s Note: idk what this is, I opened the doc and just started typing, so yeah // the flashbacks are set two years ago, when y/n meets Buck. The end is back to the present

----

From B: I was thinking about you.

From B: I miss you.

The phone sat in your hand, you stared down at the message on the screen. It had been months, maybe longer since you met him- 2 years to be precise.

The two of you had a weird friendship to say the least. One of those “will they, won’t they?” kind of things. Everyone seemed to notice how the two of you were in love except the two of you.

Your story starts in a hole in the wall coffee shop two years ago, when Buck comes in after his first shift at the station.

*Two Years Before*

Tired and hungry was a typical look you saw among the folks who came to your shop. It was downtown LA and there were a lot of businesses around including station 118.

Among your typical morning crowd, there were people in suits and ties, the few hippies/skater crowd and your favourite, the fire-fighters.

They were your favourite not because they always had larger orders but they usually left big tips and were super sweet.

It was around 9 in the evening when the bell on the door chimed as it was pushed open. You were closing up for the day but the ‘come in, we’re open’ sign still hung on the window that was ideally supposed to be taken down an hour ago.

Pulling a tray of cookies from the oven, you were startled by the door considering that you thought you locked the door. Peering from the doorway of the kitchen, there was a man by the counter, staring up at the menu board.

“Hi,” you smile, hesitantly stepping towards the counter from the kitchen. He glances down at you and smiles, mumbling a hello.

“Uh, we’re actually closed right now.” you inform him.

His brows furrow, glancing over his shoulder at the window. “But the sign-” “I forget to take it down.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I’ll- okay, I'm gonna go.” he looked.. disappointed. He pulls a phone out his pocket and sighs. You take that moment to study him. A grey sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, there’s a hat sitting backwards on his head and a duffle bag tossed over his shoulder. As he turns to leave, you notice the 4 letters written on his hat in bright red - LAFD.

“Hey!” you call out, “You’re a firefighter ?”

The blonde smiles and nods, “yeah, I started today actually. The guys at the station were talking about the coffee shop down the street. I didn’t get a chance to come during the day so I thought I'd come now- but I can come back another time, you’re closed”

Waving off his statement, you pick up a cup from the counter. “Nonsense, I'd never turn away one of the city’s finest.” you smile, he chuckles. “The city’s finest is more of a cop thing.” he tells you.

“Is that so ?” asking, you begin looking through the fridge to see if there was any milk, he hums.

“I think you’re pretty fine yourself” you mumble, standing straight when you realize what you’ve said. Your back was to him, a blush burning up your face.

What you didn’t know was that Buck was blushing too, a pretty person like you calling him fine was surely going to make him blush and that it did.

Clearing your throat, you turn to face him again. He was looking anywhere but at you for the moment.

“What can I get you ?”

“What do you have right now ?”

“Just about everything, except for baked goods. I usually put those in the oven in the morning but I do have a tray of cookies if you’re interested.”

“That sounds good,” he smiles at you. “I’ll take a cookie and uh-” glancing up at the menu, “whatever is your favourite drink”

Humming, you turn and head to the kitchen to get two cookies for him and then begin mixing some coffee and creamer in a cup, along with ice and some caramel sauce. You ended up making two, one for him and one for you.

The man was sitting at one of the stools by the window. He was watching the cars drive past. “Here,” you slide the plate over to him and set the cup beside it.

He smiles, “thank you. How much do I owe you ?” he asks, reaching for what you assumed was his wallet. “Oh, don't worry about it. The register is locked and it’s your first time here, I wouldn’t have charged you anyways”

“You don’t charge first time customers ?”

“Only the firefighters, y’all hold a special place in my heart” you laugh, he smiles once more.

“Are you in a hurry to leave? I can take it with me if you are.”

“No, you're alright. The cookies are warm, I just took them out when you got here.” you sit beside him, taking a sip of your drink. He also takes a sip of his, you watch as his face twists and he smacks his tongue to try and figure out what it is.

“I call it the y/n special” filling him in, his brows furrow. “It’s basically just caramel ice coffee” a small laugh passes your lips as you take another sip.

“I’m y/n by the way.” “I’m Buck” he smiles.

From that day, Buck was a regular in your shop. You made him a regular coffee before his shifts, 2 cream and 3 sugars - you've come to realize he had a bit of a sweet tooth. After work, he’d stop by for an iced coffee and a cookie. You’d always keep some in the back for him.

This became a routine, you asked him for his number so he could let you know when he was on his way to work that way you’d have his coffee ready if he was running late.

Most mornings you’d just get an ‘coming’ or a little fire truck emoji letting you know he’s on his way to work.

Over the next year and a half, the two of you became close. All the guys that came in from the station always teased you about your “boyfriend Buck” although he wasn’t your boyfriend.

The two of you were close, you hung out all the time - when Buck had days off, he’d still stop by the shop for coffee or just to see you even though he lived in the opposite direction. He would also pick you up after work when you could walk home because you lived down the street.

You often stopped by the station when you knew they were on a 24 hour shift. Buck would text you hourly with whatever he was thinking about, especially during the nights when most of his team was asleep and he couldn’t. During those 24 hour shifts, the last few hours kicked their asses, everyone was tired and too lazy to move to do anything about it- those were the days that you headed into the shop early to get some stuff together to take over for them.

Over time, the affection between the two of you became clear to everyone but the two of you.

You only really noticed you liked him after his unfortunate run in with the fire truck and his promotion which you decide to celebrate with him.

There you were, a bottle of champagne in one hand and a bag of Thai takeout in the other - the perfect thing to celebrate his new- temporary as he kept reminding you- position.

He had invited you over to watch a movie but life was short as was recently reiterated after Buck’s “getting stuck under municipal equipment” phase as the two of you joke.

“Hey!” he smiles at you when he opens the door, immediately noticing the bottle of champagne in your hand.

“The nice stuff,” he hummed, stepping aside so you could come in. You set the bag on the counter with the bottle before venturing further into the kitchen to find glasses.

“What are we celebrating ?” he watches as you tumble through the cupboards.

“Y/n?” “What ?”

“What are we celebrating ?” he asks once more.

“Do you not own any champagne glasses ? All I can find are solo cups and those ugly ass mugs you have.” sighing, you grab the solo cups knowing his answer already.

“Y/n/n, I'm a 20-something year old guy living by himself-” “What makes you think I have such things?” finishing off the sentence for him which makes him laugh.

Setting the cups down on the counter, you push the bottle over to him. “Would you be so kind as to do the honours?” you hop onto the counter. Buck peels the casing from around the top and then shakes the bottle.

Your brows furrow, “that’s going to make a mess-” before you finish your sentence, the bottle pops.

The cork ends up somewhere in the apartment whilst the very expensive champagne is sprayed everywhere. Buck just so innocently titled the bottle your way, soaking you in the liquid.

Laughing, you pull the bottle away from him. He's standing in front of you when you grab his chin, pulling him towards you. Your left hand is cradling his jaw and leaning his head back to pour some of the champagne in his mouth. You over poured and split it on his shirt.

The two of you were a laughing, sticky mess and the bottle was already half way empty. He held the cups out for you, letting you pour some into each cup before handing you one.

“Okay, now will you tell me what prompted the champagne showers ?” he smiles, leaning against the counter next to you.

“Well, life is short. You’re a fire Marshall now so, I’m here to celebrate.”

Buck smiles at you, he wasn’t the biggest fan of his new job to be honest. Sure he liked it, but he’d do anything to be back out in the field.

Your arm stretched out, “So to you Mr. Evan Buckley, wait should I say Fire Marshall Buckley ? Anyways congratulations my love, you deserve the job but if the power goes to your head, I'm putting you in your place.” laughing, you bump your cup to his.

“To a speedy recovery and hoping for your return to the field soon because you’re driving everyone mad. Cheers!”

Both taking a sip before Buck hops up onto the counter beside you. He shifted slightly, making a gap between the two of you and pulling the bag of takeout to the spot. Dinner was had on the counter, eating straight out of the containers.

“Bobby would be so upset if he saw us right now.” Buck mumbles, his mouth full.

“Mhm but he’s not here. He doesn’t have to know.”

A few moments later, his phone began ringing. He pulls it out and his eyes widen. There’s a confused look on your face, waiting for him to give you some context or tell you who’s calling. Finally he shows you his phone.

Bobby is calling.

“You summoned him!” Buck shouted. You resisted the urge to laugh.

“Answer the phone!”

You watch as Buck answers the phone, holding back his laughter at the conversation moments ago. He looked happy, you loved seeing him like that. The way his eyes glimmered when he smiled that million dollar smile of his, how his curls showed when his hair was wet or if he hadn’t cut his hair in a while.

It was the little things that made you fall in love with him.

He was still on the phone when you decided you’d find something to change into.

He watched as you made your way to the bathroom, coming back out shirtless with a towel in your hand, drying off. He noticed the way you took a step every two steps like he does. He could hear you humming from upstairs, the way you went up in pitch when you saw something you liked or how you’d stop in-between to start whistling. He smiles to himself as he ends the call.

He too had fallen love with you somewhere along the line.

----

You watched as the little bubbles popped up on the screen on and off for the next few minutes.

Today was your wedding day.

You hadn’t spoken to him all day, things had been hectic. You promised to see him before you got married but truthfully, you had been so consumed with planning and making sure everything was ready that you didn’t get a chance to.

Your friend comes in, sticking their head in and smiling at you. “You ready ?” they ask, you hum before taking one more look at the phone.

“As ready as I'll ever be.”

It was a hot summer day in June, you and your fiancé had decided on an outdoor wedding considering you had always wanted a June wedding.

Standing at the end of the aisle, each side of the yard was filled with people you loved and cared about but your love was smiling at you on the verge of tears at the altar.

Resisting the urge to laugh at him, you smile as the music begins playing - your cue to make your way down the aisle. Making it to the end without tripping, you smile at him.

“Hey,” you smile, reaching for his hand.

“You look beautiful” he smiles, he leans forward to give you a kiss when a hand against his chest stops him.

Bobby gives him a disapproving look, “I’ll be fast but you gotta wait to the end to kiss them, Buck.” The statement earned him a laugh from the crowd.

The heat was getting to everyone including the two of you so Bobby skipped over the unnecessary parts, letting the two of you say your vows.

You started, your hand giving his a squeeze. “The day you walked into the shop, I thought ‘damn, I'm gonna die. Why do I always forget to lock the door?’ but little did I know, it was going to be the love of my life walking in. From the moment we sat down and started talking was the moment I knew you were the one- you made me smile, laugh, gave me butterflies but you also made me feel safe, like I could tell you anything and you’d always be there for me. I watched you walk out with the promise of coming back in the morning and I knew then, we were gonna have a June wedding.” you laughed.

“You taught me what love was, how to be happy, to never give up no matter what life throws my way because for the last 2 years, that’s what I've watched you do and I'm so incredibly proud to be marrying you. There’s no one else for me. It’ll always be you.” you smile, blinking back the tears.

“How am I supposed to compete with that ?” he hums, giving you a grin.

“Everything about you is.. perfectly imperfect, in every single sense of the term. You strive for perfection, but you come up with a slightly different version every time and I love that about you- like when you run out of breath while singing you start whistling so you don’t lose the melody, it’s the little things that make me love you. You hold the stars and the moon, you’re my whole world y/n, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You make me a better man and I could never thank you enough for that.” Both of you are about to cry, looking at each other with the most love and adoration in your eyes.

Bobby cuts to the end, both of you now impatient and waiting for him to announce that you were officially a couple and the moment he does, Buck pulls you towards him, kissing you like it was the last time he was ever going to.

The sound of clapping and cheering filled your ears, making you both smile as your made you way back down the aisle officially as the Buckleys.

----

taglist: @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover @beth-winchester21 @fernandaweasley2 @yikesyikesyikes95 @hotchsdarling @duhbar1975 @hailsstormthings @averyhotchner @captainxholmes @venusrosepetal @luke-alvez @looney-literature @caitsymichelle13 @artemishunter18 @multibuckley

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chronicillschronicpills · 3 years

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Hello! I saw an old post of yours abt sex and chronic pain and I guess I wanted to see if you or anyone else would have any advice for me!

I'm unfortunately having a bad flare day- and I think a large amount of it is because my partner and I did stuff yesterday. My partner is very sweet and kind about my condition, and always asks me during if the things we're doing are okay. The thing is, I always want to try even if it hurts because I love doing it and I miss being able to do it without such awful pain.

I can't find a position that doesn't make me hurt a lot afterward. Him on top of me makes my legs and hips hurt (legs in air), me on top of him makes my hips and knees hurt, from behind makes my hips and knees hurt, and forget any of my weight being on my hands. My disability has taken over every aspect of my life and I'm so frustrated. I just want to enjoy myself for once.

If you or anyone else has some advice on positions or pain relief I would really appreciate it!!! Thank you so much 💜💜💜

SEX AND CHRONIC ILLNESS;

Hi, there love,

I swear I have a defective Tumblr and I never get any noti's from my inbox, so I'm sorry if you sent this months ago!

I'm gonna try to give my best advice and hope that my followers will also help with advice.

First of all, pretty much any physical activity can throw me into a flare so I can understand that sex can definitely have a real impact on flares. You are most definitely not alone. I can also empathise with the frustration of your disability taking a lot from you and your life. I am so happy you're partner is supportive too and I hope that you guys are great at communicating with each other about sex which is probably the MOST important thing in this. I am going to give my advice under the assumption that you guys have great, healthy communication.

Sex positions that could be worth a try, it seems as if any stretching of the hips and pressure on the knees and hands are out of the questions so here are not only some of my all-time favourites, but also should be friendly for these issues:

Lazy doggy (lying face down on your stomach with your legs together): that way you don't need any weight bearing on knees or hands, no stretching of the hips and you basically just lay face down, I like this position as it also takes little energy and it's quite easy for you or your partner to stimulate your clitoris at the same time. you can also try this position with a pillow or wedge under your hips for a different angle and extra support on your hips

Spooning sex: I find this a great position, you just lay on your side, your good side that day, and sometimes putting a pillow between your knees can help with that.

I personally don't fuck with this position but standing up sex facing a wall is also considered to be pretty easy on these joints.

This one is slightly harder to explain (its a modified missionary variant) but if you are laying on your back and you put your legs straight or bent vertically and lay them on your partner's chest (kind of like an L position with the legs up), and then he would be either standing or on his knees (so your partner would be the P and u the L; PL). This means your hips aren't stretched outward, your knees and hands don't have pressure on them, your partner does not have their body weight on you and your partner can hold onto your legs for extra support. You can add a pillow under your hips for extra support. I really hope this makes sense, and if someone knows if this has an actual name, please help!

You could also try a seated position and you could face away from him to keep the hip angle easier

other general tips;

Take MAD advantage of pillows and wedges; this could help with him on top of you if you bulk up on either side of your hips so you don't have to strain or stretch as much.

Rethink your idea of sex: some days there may be no position that is comfortable. Sex is whatever feels good for you. You don't need penetration to have sex. Have your partner go down on you or stimulate you with their hands. If you really like the penetrative feeling, buy some toys and your partner can use them on you in any position that's comfy for you. Buy lots of sex toys, to be honest, that can be super fun and accessible. You can get full pleasure and give full pleasure without vagina/penis penetration.

Something my therapist has taught me is to pace myself and practice patience with MYSELF! I can tell you probably push yourself because you always want to still try even if it hurts. For example, I don't exercise, but one day I decided to go to the trampoline park and do gymnastics (i used to do gymnastics) and then was fucked for a week. Another example, I tried to do gymnastics at home and broke my foot. Just keep throwing myself into the deep end and end up making it worse; 1 step forward, 12 steps back. So pace yourself, and practice patience, and don't be too hard on yourself. Treat yourself with kindness.

I know sex is often spontaneous, but honestly stretching and warming up could help, and maybe even during foreplay, you could get a massage to warm up and connect with your partner. Also if you know you're going to have sex, you could take some painkillers or weed (if you're into it) beforehand.

I really really really hope that a) everything made sense and b) that it would actually help! Please send me a message if you feel comfortable if this helped at all.

Please leave your most accessible sex positions in the comments or reblog with advice!

#chronic pain #chronic illness #sex and disability #chronic fatigue #lupus #sle

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sometipsygnostalgic · 3 years

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This is the post I was working on that I accidentally sent privately before I’d finished it, LOL. Thanks @imorahtarm107 for sending it back after what must have been a confusing request.

CONT: Rebecca Sugar has spoken before about how much they dislike the statement by press that Bubbline only became “canon” in the finale, because Sugar and Muto were working on that pairing all the way back in s3, those characters have been canonically queer the whole time. It’s not some novelty thing that was canonized at the very end just because everyone else was doing it, or that the characters were only queer and dating if they got to kiss on the mouth!

So yeah, I was a bit salty abouta few things. I mostly thought that season 10 had been underwhelming compared to the spectacular seasons 7 to 9. Honestly, I still stand by that opinion because those seasons were really good.

I felt that there were some other things missing from s10, but some of those got followed up either in the finale or in Obsidian, albeit less in depth than I’d have liked (primarily the fallout to Elements on the side of the Elementals themselves - I thought this was only appropriate considering what happened in Jellybeans Have Power. Are they not terrified of themselves? What are the long term consequences of that takeover, if any? It seems much bigger than the stuff with the Lich that barely anyone knew about.)

HOW MY THOUGHTS HAVE CHANGED

Well, honestly? Just hearing more from the crew about the problems they faced on CN, not just the AT crew but also Rebecca Sugar with SU, it clears SO much up.

Kent Osborne said to Ghostshrimp in a podcast that, even though they knew the show was ending, the team had no idea how many episodes they had left! Unlike the earlier seasons where CN just made block orders of 52 eps, it seems like from s6 onwards, things were far less stable. CN no longer ordered consistent season lengths. I’m not sure if they instead ordered blocks of eps, or if they gave the crew a flexible budget to work from, like Legend of Korra had.

From my observations and theories, the reason seasons 7 to 9 have so many miniseries is possibly because Adam Muto was using those as a way to appeal to what CN wanted out of Adventure Time, and therefore, to prolong the lifespan of the show. It worked really well as both standalone miniseries and as episodes of the show. Olivia Olsen commented that there were many times they thought they were on the last season but it turned out they weren’t. Adam Muto pitched the first eps of Distant Lands originally as miniseries to “extend” season 10. He was probably hoping he would be successful!

Unfortunately, this time he was not successful, and Kent Osborne said that the crew were taken off guard by Come Along With Me being their last ep. When they started work on it, they thought it was a special in the middle of what could be a longer season. Kent even believed they would’ve had another 26 eps left. Adam had to beg for an extra couple of months so they could figure out how they could turn what would have been a gumbald special (whatever that would have entailed) into a finale for the entire show!

Watching Come Along With Me with the knowledge that the crew were taken so off guard changes entirely what I think of it, because what originally seemed like lazy rush jobs - Simon turning back but not having any time as himself, the ep havingt so much going on, the conflict between Bonnie and Gumbald being a bit empty - now feels like the best possible outcome!! How on earth did they make Come Along With Me as good as it was?? They gave so many characters good moments, they had the whole thematic resolution to the land of Ooo and the themes of the world going in circles but nothing staying the exact same, they paid respects to Finn’s growth, and had the outro as the finale song while showing life goes on!

Now that I’ve had so long to process exactly what happened in the ep, I greatly appreciate so many scenes that I previously overlooked or dismissed. The intro sections by Steve and Tom are brilliant at building up tension, which is part of why the second section feels so jarring. However, the dream sequence is so funny, with interesting imagery that it’s still nice to pick apart. Jake gets to be a good brother, Finn gets to battle Fern, and you have that chilling swapperoo epiphany with Gumbald and PB. The scene where they’re all on the beach is so cathartic.

Then the second half of the special is just intense start to finish - everyone working together at the culmination of their character arcs, to take down GOLB! Until the power of a little robot’s song turns out to be the best tool of holding it back, and Betty performs the ultimate sacrifice for her mistakes with a smile on her face. So good. The ending scenes with Finn and the treehouse, Shermy and Beth, the music hole, those are a thematic conclusion to the show.

So, yeah, it did a great job. To an extent it’s better enjoyed if you pick it apart than if you watch it all at once, since it’s unfortunately not as hard-hitting as a lot of the single 11-minute eps of Adventure Time, including the previous season finale Three Buckets. However it absolutely does its job.

As for Bubbline, well... Adam was trying to get the show extended, and if anyone looks at the twitter comment I currently have as my pinned post, then you’ll understand that there’s no way PB and Marcy could have kissed or made their relationship undeniably explicit unless it was the very end of the show :/

Adam said himself that he didn’t see it as much his fight to battle the decisions of execs as Rebecca did. And while that hurts, it makes sense - he was the owner of someone else’s show that is a smorgas board of a large number of people’s ideas, whereas Rebecca was the owner of their own show and felt that if they weren’t able to express themself in their own show, Sugar was willing to completely take down SU. And that actually happened - Steven Universe got cancelled immediately!!! Adam was not prepared to do that with AT, especally when CN were already talking about cancelling it.

The good news is he didn’t give up on having PB and Marcy’s relationship be at least fairly clear, especially s7 onwards. I don’t know what happened behind the scenes, but it’s likely a number of the crew members taken on at that time found it important to press for Bubbline, and Adam decidedly agreed. If someone other than him had taken over as showrunner, or even if Pen stayed in charge (he supported it but didn’t want to be wrapped in controversy), I wonder if they’d have never interacted after What Was Missing :/

So yeah, with that in mind, as annoying as Marcy and Hunson still is, I can forgive the crew for doing a finale kiss. Rather, I can really thank Hanna K for pressing for one - she knows how important it was to at least confirm what people had expected, without a retroactive tumblr post ala Korrasami.

#adventure time #atimers #bubbline #come along with me

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