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boyrobott · 18 days

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i had the best day with you today

"You guys—?" Astro stares around the penthouse kitchen in total disbelief, turning slowly on the spot to try and take in everything at once — colorful streamers draped haphazardly over every available surface, and a paper banner clumsily tacked up over the arched entryway, one side noticeably lower than the other, and a cake on the table, topped with white icing and blue sprinkles and flickering candles, a handful of presents wrapped in bright yellow gift paper beside it. "You guys threw me a birthday party?"

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Astro knows it's been a year since his fight with the Peacekeeper, because everybody is talking about it again, and the reminders are everywhere he goes — President Logan wants him to make a speech about the whole thing, for crying out loud, and he knows the guy means well, but he really wants to say no, except he's not sure if he can do that politely, and he's not sure if he can do it at all, actually, because this is the president he's talking about, and the last time he said no to the president, he died twice in as many hours, and he'd prefer not to repeat that experience, please and thank you.

On top of that, every reporter in the entire city is trying to corner him for an impromptu interview about the year-old battle, armed with cameras and microphones and notepads, and he doesn't want to be rude to them when he knows they're just doing their job, but he doesn't want to relive that day again, either, so lately he's been taking every backroad and byway he knows to avoid them.

Things aren't much better at school, either, where it's an even fifty-fifty split between the classmates who pepper him with way more invasive, uncomfortable questions about the Peacekeeper than the reporters ever have, and the classmates who never wanted a robot around in the first place, and now they're seething about all the renewed interest in the fight, which means they're being twice as nasty as usual — TJ Porter, the unofficial ringleader of that second group, had a "conversation" with his friends in the school cafeteria yesterday about Astro's "future career" as a worthless pile of rusted, used-up metal in the junkyard.

(Astro tried his hardest to pretend he didn't hear TJ at all, and tried even harder than that to not think about this time last year, when he actually was facing a future as a worthless pile of rusted, used-up scrap metal in the junkyard.)

The HRA just recently published a brand-new and characteristically scathing article about the upcoming anniversary, too, and Astro knows he probably shouldn't have read it, but morbid curiosity can be very persuasive when it wants to be, so he knows exactly what they said about him, and he knows it went like this: A year has gone by since the combat robot known as Astro Boy caused all manner of property damage, supposedly in the name of "helping" the city, and still, the wider community continues to passively accept its presence in our skies and streets, even allowing it to attend public junior high school with our children. When will the proud people of this great nation come to their senses, and realize how deceiving appearances can truly be? This "Astro Boy" is no more a child than your local bank-teller, and it experiences no more emotion than the average vacuum cleaner.

(Astro turned off his phone for the next forty-eight hours after that, and tried not to think about this time last year, when the HRA was publishing articles about him in the immediate aftermath of the Peacekeeper fiasco, saying perhaps the former President Stone was correct in his opinions, if not his execution, of what to do about this blatant misuse of Ministry technology and we must hope that Dr. Tenma intends to eliminate this danger to the public before it can do any further damage to our city.)

Astro knows it's been a year since his fight with the Peacekeeper.

That doesn't mean he wants to think about it.

But the reminders are everywhere he goes, and everyone is talking about it, and everyone wants to hear him talk about it, too, and President Logan wants him to stand up in front of the city and make a whole speech about it, talk about the week when the whole world wanted him dead, and he was all alone and nobody wanted him and he didn't know who he was, and he barely even knew what he was, really, except that he wasn't human and he wasn't Tobi so he wasn't good enough and nobody wanted him and he was all alone and Dr. Elefun had lied when he said there's a place for you, you just have to find it, and he can't stop waking up in the middle of the night with panicked apologies spilling from his lips, saying I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry Dad I'm so sorry I'm so sorry Dad please I'm sorry I'm sorry I swear I swear I'll do better I swear I'll do everything right I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry please Dad please don't kill me—

Yeah, Astro knows it's been a year since the Peacekeeper.

How could he forget?

But he's so busy thinking about it, and trying not to, that he actually does forget something else that also happened in the same week — something that isn't the Peacekeeper, something that isn't the ice-cold grief and crushing loneliness of waking up on his own in the junkyard, in a pile of robots that were just as unwanted as him, or the burning fury of the Robot Games, the bone-deep humiliation as Hamegg treated him like a monkey in a circus, the iron-heavy guilt of murdering all those other robots, the choking sorrow of knowing he'd just lost the best and only friends he'd ever had, and the devastation and despair of realizing he was going to die when he'd barely begun to live, the devastation and despair of realizing he had nothing left to live for.

Something else also happened in the same week.

But he's so busy trying not to think about anything from that week he completely forgets all about it.

Everyone else remembers, though.

He's been so wrapped up in everything, trying to come up with a polite way to decline President Logan's request without accidentally alienating another elected official so soon after the last one, and trying to avoid the overzealous journalists around every corner, and trying not to think about this time last year, trying not to get lost in the memories, crystal-clear like it all happened just yesterday, that he didn't remember or even really know it was his birthday today, but it is, isn't it?

On this day last year, he wasn't waking up on his own in the junkyard — he was waking up in his father's lab at the Ministry of Science in the dead of night, his systems coming online and the cameras behind his eyes pulling the world into sharper and sharper and sharper focus until all the pixels suddenly coalesced together, and he saw his dad and Dr. Elefun for the first time. On this day last year, his artificial lungs were expanding with his first breath, and the synthetic vocal cords in his throat were vibrating with his first words, and the joints in his knees were whirring with his first steps.

On this day last year, he wasn't dying on a cold metal table with his father's grief-stricken apologies still ringing in his ears — he was coming alive.

He can't believe he forgot.

But everyone else remembered, and they're throwing him a whole party for it, even though it's technically an activation day, and not a birthday, and robots don't actually celebrate their activation days, anyway.

He wants to thank them. He wants to tell them they didn't have to do all this just for him, and he wants to tell them he can't believe they did do all this just for him, and he wants to tell them it's totally amazing, and he loves it, and he's sorry he's being so weird about it but as soon as he can wrap his mind around it, he's going to be really, really happy.

But his brain is frozen, and he's not sure he could push everything he wants to say past the lump in his throat, anyway.

"You really don't have to pretend you didn't see this coming, Astro," Cora shakes her head, but she's laughing as she does. "Widget and Sludge gave it away, like, a thousand times all week. It's okay. We know you already knew."

"Everyone expects a surprise party on their birthday, Cora!" Widget counters immediately, with the air of somebody who's already had this argument on several previous occasions. "And if they expect it, then it's not really a surprise! So you've got to make it super-duper clear to them that you are throwing them a party, because then they think it's going to be something totally different, and then it's not! Which means it really is a surprise! And! Look at him! He is very obviously surprised! Check and mate!"

Sludge nods proudly, standing up as tall as he can and puffing out his chest. "It was a double submersion!"

Dr. Elefun chuckles. "That's called a double subversion, Sludge."

"Same difference," Sludge rolls his eyes.

"It's really not," Orrin says.

"I-I didn't even know you guys knew my birthday," Astro stammers, awkward and uncertain, because it's honestly the only thing he can think to say. "Did I tell you, and then just… forget?" Come to think of it, he's not actually sure if that's even possible — with such an advanced artificial intelligence installed in his system, he can easily remember everything that's ever happened to him in precise, pin-sharp detail — but it also sounds exactly like the kind of thing he'd do.

"Oh, no, your dad gave us a heads-up, actually," Widget tells him. "He… what did you call it, Zane? 'Came through in the clutch'?"

Zane gives her a thumbs-up. "You got it."

I didn't know my dad knew my birthday, either, Astro thinks, but he catches himself a second before he actually says it out loud, biting his tongue against the instinctive response. "Oh."

"Yeah, four days ago," Cora huffs, rolling her eyes and folding her arms over her chest. "We had four days to get everything together for this. And your dad totally sucks at parties, by the way, so he was zero help. He was just like—" she pushes her voice down to a much deeper octave, in an obvious imitation of his dad's low, gruff tone, "—oh, yeah, it's Astro's birthday on Sunday, haha, isn't it crazy how time flies! And then he was gone!"

"Guilty as charged," Dad says mildly, without so much as a trace of said guilt in his voice, and a small twitch at the corner of his mouth, like he's trying his best not to laugh. "I've been persona non grata with everyone since then."

"Anyway," Cora jumps in again, pulling the conversation back on-track, "that's why this isn't as awesome as the birthday party you guys put together for me in February. We just didn't have enough time to do everything we wanted — we'll do something way cooler next year, though, trust me. It'll blow this one right out of the water, you'll see."

Astro can't believe she honestly thinks there could ever be anything better than this — the people he loves more than anything in the world all gathered together in the same room, safe and smiling and happy, and here just for him. He can't believe they did all of this just for him. He can't even begin to imagine what Cora thinks could top this.

"No, no, this is—this is perfect," he chokes out, his vision getting suspiciously blurry all of a sudden, but he's also smiling so wide it's hurting his face. "Seriously, guys, I love this. It's perfect. Thank you so much for doing this for me."

"Of course!" Orrin chirps cheerfully, like it's totally unthinkable that they wouldn't do all this just for him, and he rolls forward a little to wrap Astro in a hug. "We love you! You're such a wonderful person, and a great friend, and we're so excited to celebrate your birthday with oh my god the cake is on fire!"

"What?!"

Everybody immediately abandons their positions to scramble over to the table and stare down at the confection — which is, in fact, very much on fire, a bright orange-gold flame about the size of a grown man's hand dancing wildly atop the buttercream frosting.

"Holy crap!" Zane screeches. "What the heck kinda birthday candles do that?! Birthday candles should not do that!"

"You lit them too early!" Dad turns on him a little too quickly for this to be a brand-new argument. "I told you that we should have waited for him to get here before we lit the candles! Why didn't you just listen to me?!"

"Who cares why it happened?! The cake is on fire!" Cora yells at the pair of them as she dashes over to the sink, fills a glass with water straight from the faucet, and races back to the table with the cup clutched in her hand, clear fluid spilling out the sides and splashing over her fingers. Of course she's already three steps ahead of the rest of them — she always is, even in situations as unexpected as this.

But before she can douse the flame, Orrin throws himself in front of the cake with his arms spread wide in the universal pose of Fearless Action Hero Taking A Bullet For Another Character. "No, no, wait! Don't do that! The cake will get soggy! And then it'll be ruined!"

Cora grinds to a dead halt, the water still swirling violently around inside the glass, and gapes at Orrin like she's never properly seen him before. "Are you being for real?! Are you actually being for real right now?! The cake is on fire!"

"I know, but I worked so hard on it!" Orrin wails miserably. "And it's perfect! Astro is going to love it!"

"I-It's fine, Orrin," Astro rushes to reassure him, but he's way more focused on the miniature bonfire in the center of the table than the cake beneath it. "Seriously, it's totally okay. Let's just—"

"Salt!" Sludge hollers, waving his arms around in the air like a traffic controller. "Salt won't make the cake soggy, and it'll put out the fire, too, right? We can use some salt!"

Poor Orrin looks like he's about to cry. "But that'll ruin it, too!"

"We don't have a whole lot of other options here, Orrin!" Dad barks at him. "We have to take care of that fire now! It's going to get out of control!"

"This is not my fault!" Zane declares, despite the fact that no one is directly accusing him anymore. "You know what? It's your fault!" He jabs an accusatory finger at Tenma. "Yeah! It's your fault for having such crappy birthday candles that they can't even burn for—!"

"The birthday candles were perfectly fine!"

"Then why the heck are they burning so quickly?! Answer me that, Science Man!"

"Because they're birthday candles! They're not supposed to burn for long periods of time! That's why I told you not to light them until Astro actually got here, but—"

"Orrin," Cora seethes, in that dangerous voice she always uses when she's about to explode with sheer rage. "If you don't get out of my way in the next ten seconds, I swear I'm going to—"

"Oh, for the love of God!" Apparently, even Dr. Elefun has lost all patience. "Somebody just blow it out!"

Everyone goes dead silent and statue-still for a long, loaded second, gawking at Dr. Elefun like they've never even considered the concept of blowing out birthday candles before. Honestly, Astro is kind of embarrassed no one else came up with it first.

"…Huh," Zane says finally. "Probably should have thought of that one sooner, yeah."

"No, no, wait! Astro has to do it!" Widget pipes up, as Cora skirts around Orrin and bends down over the cake to follow Dr. Elefun's orders. "It's his birthday! He has to blow out the candles, doesn't he?"

"Guys, I think the fire might be kind of a bigger problem than who blows out the—okay, okay," Astro gives up the fight barely a second later, because Cora has backed off again to clear a path for him, and Sludge is trying to physically haul him over to the table with a hand on his leg, tugging on the excess denim at the knee of his jeans. He quickly steps around Cora and Orrin, leaning in close (somewhere in the background, he hears his dad mutter a quick be careful, son, like he doesn't face off against mad scientists and evil robots and convicted murderers and god only knows what else on a daily basis) to extinguish the fire in a single breath.

The whole group instantly clusters around him to inspect the huge black scorch mark on top of the cake. Poor Orrin looks absolutely devastated.

"I'm sure it still tastes okay," Astro pats him on the shoulder. "We can just cut that piece off, or something. It's really no big deal." He reaches to pull out a couple of the burnt candles — the lingering heat will sting, of course, but not as badly as it would if he had human skin — but he freezes halfway there, because the burnt candles… are not candles, actually. "Uh… Zane… w-why did you use… matchsticks?"

"You did what?" Dad wheels around to fix Zane with the Minister of Science Death Glare that has left lesser men (including Astro) fleeing the room in terror.

"Oh, man, that's what those things were?" Zane pushes past Cora and the twins to get a closer look. "I thought they were just really crappy candles! Sorry, Science Man, that's my bad." He even has the guts to reach up and pat Dad on the back, despite the fact that Tenma looks two seconds away from picking him up and bodily throwing him out of the penthouse.

"How did you even light these?" Astro asks, to defuse the impending argument (and also because, now that he's thinking about it, he actually really wants to know) as he hastily plucks the smoldering sticks out of the cake. "I mean, since you thought the matches were birthday candles…"

Zane puts a hand in the pocket of his shabby brown jacket and pulls it back out again a minute later to show off a silver cigarette lighter. "Duh. How do you think?"

"Oh, my god!" Tenma snatches it straight out of Zane's open palm before anyone else can react. "Why on earth do you have a lighter?! Who gave you a lighter?!"

"Hey!" Zane makes a wild grab for it, but Dad has at least six inches on him, and easily holds it out of his reach. "Oh, come on, don't tell me you guys don't carry them around, too! I mean, you never know when you need to set something on fire, am I right?"

"Um," Dr. Elefun says. "How many times have you needed to set something on fire, exactly?"

There's a suspiciously long second of silence after that, wherein Dad looks like he's having a few dozen heart attacks right there in the middle of the kitchen, and Zane wrinkles his brow in an expression of deep concentration. Astro has a terrible feeling that he's counting the various occasions in his head.

"You know what!" Orrin says, all of a sudden, and very loudly, in an excruciatingly obvious effort to break the tension, and redirect the conversation. "Why don't we have some cake! Who wants cake? Everyone wants cake, right? Everyone loves cake! Can't go wrong with cake!"

"Uh, yeah, let me help you with that," Astro gratefully latches onto the excuse to escape whatever kind of chaos is inevitably going to happen next, hurrying after Orrin into the kitchen proper. He grabs a handful of forks from the cutlery drawer, and pulls down a stack of plates from the cupboard, piling it all together to make it easier to carry before he heads back over to the dining table.

Orrin is already there, patiently removing a few of the matchsticks he missed in his shock over Zane's cigarette lighter, and carefully cutting the blackened section away from the rest with a large knife, while Cora and Zane are arguing vehemently over whether arson can really be considered a hobby or not. Widget and Sludge are arguing even more vehemently about which one of them did a better job of keeping the surprise party under wraps all week, while Tenma and Elefun are talking with their heads together, probably trying to decide how to tell Zane's foster parents that their twelve-year-old charge has a lighter.

(Astro really can't believe Cora thinks there's anything that could be better than this — the people he loves more than anything in the world all gathered together in the same room, even if they're all a little frazzled from the fire, and the cuff of Widget's sleeve looks a bit singed.)

Right at that moment, Dad glances up and locks eyes with Astro, still lingering on the edge of the group with the plates in his hands, and waves him over. Astro quickly deposits the dishes on the table and makes his way over to his dad — who, to his intense surprise, puts an arm around his shoulders and pulls him close in a kind of side-hug.

Astro thinks about this time last year — waking up on his own in the junkyard, standing in the arena under the blinding sun as the Robot Games raged on and on, realizing he had nothing left to live for, realizing the whole world would be better and happier if he wasn't in it anymore, dying on a cold metal table with his father's grief-stricken apologies still ringing in his ears — and he realizes, with a funny kind of jolt in the pit of his stomach, that his life really could not be any more different now: he's alive, making a tangible positive difference in the city, surrounded by people who love him just as much as he loves them, and he's so happy he feels like he must be overflowing with it.

(He's not alone anymore.)

"I'm sorry about all this," his dad murmurs, pulling him suddenly out of his thoughts. "I know this has gotten off to a… rough start."

Astro thinks about this time last year, and shrugs it off, his mind finally calm for the first time in a week. "That's okay. The best things usually do."

#astro boy #astro boy 2009 #tetsuwan atom #mighty atom #astroboyfanweek2024 #astro boy fanfiction #astro boy fanfic #astro boy fic #astro boy 2009 fanfiction #astro boy 2009 fanfic #astro boy 2009 fic

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queenmayor23 · 1 year

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Grand Piano I {Dean Winchester X Male Reader}

hi! how are ya? good. umm. please read this. as an attention whore I need attention. tell me what you think. even if you want me to burn in the lowest pits of hell with my baby daddy Satan. this is the first part. kinda writing it as I get ideas and watch the show currently on season 5 and Dean has been invading my mind. if it doesn’t make sense remember “it’s my world now not your world” and I haven’t seen the show in completion. umm. consensual forehead kisses if you accept. peace love and rubber gloves. k bye girlies.

p.s. ask me stuff. i love random.

TJ was born in April of '78 to Deborah Chase, who had just quit her bartender lifestyle and traded it for a career in oil and gas. This caused them to move around constantly. TJ's father was a one-night stand who didn't want anything to do with him, if only to keep it a secret from his now pregnant wife. Over the years, TJ wanted to get to know his father, but his father's refusal made him feel worthless. Until one day, he showed TJ what he did for a living. It was not something an impressionable 10-year-old boy should be doing. This caused a fight between his parents, and TJ never saw his father again. But that didn't stop his mother from keeping tabs on her one-night stand, she found out he had two more sons, and his wife had died mysteriously, concluding it had to do with his line of work. TJ's mother dated around, settling down with the 3rd generation diner owner Richie, who treated TJ as his own. But TJ wanted to make his birth father proud, so he studied everything he could about the occult, myths, and legends, hoping to satisfy his father.

In his teenage years, TJ became a Nancy Drew, solving mysteries plaguing his small town, and in his spare time, he helped out at the diner. But that was before he met and fell head over heels for the new bad boy, Dean Winchester. Their friendship was rough at first, but Dean quickly figured out that all he had to do was say the magic word, and TJ would jump off of the highest mountain for him. They broke into convenience stores and played sick pranks around the school. Dean learned that the school had a vengeful spirit during a wrestling match that got violent with the football team for hanging him in a field like a scarecrow. He came back that night to deal with it, and when he arrived, TJ was already prepping the body to be burned. This made the two teenagers get closer and spend more time at TJ's stepfather's diner, especially now that Dean had someone to talk about hunting with. Next was the Homecoming dance, which was short-lived as a Daeva attacked, and the teenage hunters had to take care of it. The night's highlight was when Dean gave TJ his first kiss. It was also the night Sam and Dean's father returned for them. Upon seeing the boy come out of the same diner Dean came out of, John forbade his son from talking to the boy after going through his questionable query.

Years pass, Sam leaves and goes to college, and TJ co-runs the diner with his now adoptive father during the day, and when the sun goes down, he hunts the creatures of the night. While pursuing a demon in Kentucky, TJ bumps into Dean and John, and they have a much-needed conversation. TJ realizes that all he did was for nothing when John is still cold about all of TJ's accomplishments, so he goes back to Indiana and works at the diner full time until he opens his own underground lounge, taking that on fully. The one thing that stops him is when he gets a phone call, and the voice says that one word that melts TJ like a popsicle on a hot day. "Baby." Dean only called when he needed something, never to say "hi" or "I'm okay," only when he was in a pickle and didn't want to drag Sam into it. Dean felt it was okay to keep TJ on speed dial because, in his mind, "TJ isn't doing anything important." But now John was missing, and TJ wasn't answering his phone. So on his way to California, Dean stopped in Indiana at Richie Rock's Diner and asked for TJ. An older man walked to the edge of the counter, and Dean recognized him. The man was taller than Dean but shorter than his brother Sam by an inch.

Richie: Now, why shouldn't I put my shotgun to your chest and pull the trigger?

Dean: Mr. Rock, it's me, Dean.

Richie: I know who you are. You're the troublemaker that broke my son's heart. And when I tried to comfort him, he started a big fight and didn't talk to me for months because "Dean is coming back" or "Dean needs me".

Dean: So I'm guessing you wouldn't know where to find him?

Richie: Oh, I know. And the only reason I'm telling you is so he can beat your ass.

Richie writes the name of the place and the address on a diner ticket.

Richie: Take a left at the clock tower and a loop around City Hall. In case you forgot how to get around town.

Dean hangs his head and leaves out.

#dean winchester x omc #supernatural #dean winchester #dean winchester x poc!male reader #wincest #this is my world now not your world #supernatural x male reader #supernatural x male oc #Dean Winchester x Male OC #throwing it on tumblr to see something #more to come #sfw #toxic winchester men #queenmayor23 #Dean Winchester x TJ Chase #fun #gay #i'm rolling with the lgbt #new

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magpietoriches · 3 years

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Lockdown Part XIV: Theodore [Revised Edition]

Summary: Lockdown is over for everyone but you and Loki. Loki comes up with a contingency plan and you realize there’s been a clue staring at you this entire time.

Setting: 2018 in an alternate timeline where Loki made it to Earth after the events of “Thor: Ragnarok” and Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton, and Scott Lang are still on the Raft.

Pairing: Loki x Reader (First Person)

Playlist ~ Masterlist ~ Next Part

************************************************

0:40:00 until the bomb goes off.

“Tony, what is FRIDAY talking about?” I looked at my boss; the man I considered a friend, with an accusatory stare.

“I don’t know,” Tony sounded defensive. “Because I definitely didn’t authorise Loki’s room to be kept locked.”

“If you’re lying, Stark-” Loki began to threaten.

Tony threw his hands in the air. “Oh, you caught me. I authorised that FRIDAY keeps your door sealed. I thought it would be funny to see your faces when you realised you’re still in lockdown.”

I closed my eyes to drown out the sound of Loki and Tony arguing. “Can’t you just override FRIDAY’s commands?” I asked.

“I’ve been trying to manually override the commands,” Tony said. I could see him frantically pushing some buttons on a control panel attached to his desk. “I’m not just sitting here, looking pretty. I don’t know what to tell you. We’ve been hacked.”

“No,” Loki said abruptly, “You’ve been hacked. This facility is supposed to have the best security but you hired a terrorist. You put your entire staff at risk.” Even though there were others who had been hurt far worse than I had, Loki mentioned my name specifically. And when he did, he had such passion and anger. His concern both terrified and comforted me.

I never gave much thought to what would happen after I died. I figured only a few people would miss me, and eventually, they would move on. After all, that's what was supposed to happen. You grieve and then you move on. But if someone told me, a few hours ago, that Loki, of all people, would worry about my safety, I wouldn’t believe them. If I died today, I had no doubt that Loki would grieve my loss.

“I know,” Tony admitted, interrupting my own thoughts.

“4 people are dead,” Loki reminded him.

“I KNOW, OKAY,” Tony slammed his fist against his desk. “I don’t need you to remind me of what I’ve lost. Of what we’ve all lost. I approved Arthur’s hiring. It’s my fault. I admit it, okay? Hell, I helped fund his research.” Tony took a deep inhale. “I try to protect the earth and all I ever seem to do is create super villains and the people I care about most get hurt. Maybe the SFN is right, maybe there shouldn’t be an Avengers.”

“You should have had this moral dilemma eons ago,” Loki stated, “You went through the portal during the battle of New York. You’ve seen what’s out there. It’s far too late to argue whether or not the universe needs the Avengers. Let’s not dwell on what could have been, or what you should have done. The threats are already here.”

“I hate to say this but there’s only one other person who could have hacked FRIDAY,” I spoke up.

“Daniel,” Tony said, finishing my thought.

I ran my fingers through my hair. “And now he’s dead.”

“He would have programmed FRIDAY with an authorisation code. If we could just figure out what that was,” Tony's eyes lit up with excitement.

“Hey, hey,” I said, holding my hand up to my phone screen, “Before you throw us another mystery, let’s think for a second. We still don’t know if Daniel was involved. We still have TJ left. Now that we know the bomb has nothing to do with the SFN, Henry is back on our list.”

“Why are we even looking at these men at all?” Tony asked, looking between me and Loki. We both looked back at Tony, confused. “Our suspect list was based on the theory that the men who planted the bomb were the same ones responsible for anthrax,” Tony paused and waited for Loki and me to nod our heads. “And we assumed the SFN would have applied to work at the compound the same time Loki arrived. That's why I had FRIDAY lookup white men hired within the past 4 months.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose “What's your point, Tony?”

“The bomb could be from anyone, not just employees we hired recently. We don’t even know if your bombers are still in the building.”

I shook my head. “Oh, I think they are. Whoever planted this bomb is smart, and they went through a lot of trouble learning Loki’s routine and finding the perfect time to strike. They didn’t just get lucky. They found out about the Anthrax long before any of us ever did. We got those vaguely threatening letters from the SFN a few weeks ago, but I think our bombers figured out their exact plan earlier. They knew it was coming and they used it to their advantage. No, they’re going to want to stay close and make sure their bomb goes off. I also think it’s one of our original suspects. They applied to work at the compound to kill Loki. This wasn’t a crime of opportunity. This was planned.”

“I’m not going to give them the satisfaction,” Tony affirmed, “And I’m sending Karl up to you guys.”

“To do what?” I asked. “The door is locked.”

“I don’t care. We need to do something. We could ask TJ, or Henry, or Stanley, but I doubt they’d tell us anything. Karl can walk you through defusing the bomb if he needs to. I mean, how hard could it be? Karl said it was one of those basic bombs. A kid could probably diffuse it. I’m not going to let either of you die.”

I gave Tony a heartfelt smile and added him to the list of people who would miss me when I’m gone. I almost didn’t notice Loki tugging at my sleeve. “The laptop,” he pointed. “I think the FBI file is starting to load.”

I held my phone down to my side and walked over to the laptop. The screen was no longer paper-white. A blank template started to form, and words slowly followed. I could hear Tony asking what was going on, and why he was suddenly looking at my bare thigh. The first word to appear on the computer screen was a name, “Theodore.” My heart started pounding as the letter J. Began to appear under the header for “initial.” I grabbed Loki’s hand, I’m not sure what for. I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see the last name load. I knew it was going to be “Sherwood.” I didn’t want TJ to be involved. He was so much like Loki.

“Kaczynski?” Loki asked.

“What?” I opened my eyes. I ignored Tony’s cries of confusion.

“It’s a file for Theodore J. Kaczynski,” Loki squinted at the computer, his arms crossed over his chest.

“The Unabomber?” I set my phone down on the counter and pushed Loki to the side. Sure enough, the FBI profile was for Theodore J. Kaczynski. Aka, the Unabomber.

“Unabomber?” I heard Tony ask, “Did you just say Unabomber? Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on?”

I picked up my phone and held it up to my face. “The note Daniel wrote was the FBI file number for Ted Kaczynski. That’s the TJ he was referring to.”

“In May of 1978 Kaczynski mailed his first bomb to Buckley Crist,” Loki read over my shoulder. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. “What if he’s-“

“He’s not,” I interrupted. “Unabomber is one of America’s most infamous serial bombers. He wrote this manifesto. Lived out in the wilderness. He designed these intricate bombs and targeted airports and universities,” I began talking at a mile a minute. I had to contain my excitement. “But he was eventually caught, and now he’s in prison somewhere. I think California.”

“Pretty odd that Daniel would be reading about a bomber the same time you and Loki have a bomb,” Tony added.

I simply nodded in agreement. “Tony, try to get this door open. Loki and I will see what we can do from our end.”

“Probably there isn't much you can do, but if you figure out the code, let me know.”

Loki rolled his eyes in response to Tony. “What a novel idea. I was thinking we should just keep it to ourselves.”

Tony smirked back at Loki before signing off.

************************************************

I had taken a seat in one of Loki’s barstools and started scrolling through the FBI vault. I had read about the Unabomber years ago, but never his actual file.

“Wait, go back?” I heard Loki say from over my shoulder. I slowly began to scroll back up, and looked over my shoulder for further instructions. Loki just shook his head. “Allow me.” I held my breath as Loki pressed himself closer to my back. The sweet familiar scent of mint and pine washed over me. Loki reached his arm around me and began manipulating the laptop trackpad. I quickly moved my hands into my lap in order to give him room. “There,” he whispered in my ear. Loki had settled on a section of the document that said, “Classified.”

“Hmm,” I mumbled. My brows furrowed. I reach towards the laptop trackpad. It was Loki’s turn to move his hands. But unlike myself, Loki didn’t retreat. His hands lingered on the trackpad, taking up space. I lifted his wrist between my fingers and carelessly dropped his hand away from the computer. I felt his low chuckle more than I heard it. Loki was still flushed against my back. His breath was close enough to rustle my hair. I selected the, “Click here for more information” button. “The following section includes detailed descriptions of Ted Kaczynski bomb designs and as such, it has been classified by the FBI. If you would like to view the contents, a formal request must be submitted,” I read aloud. Below the blurb I read was a record of the last time a formal request had been made. It offered no names, but the date was only a few months ago. I looked over at the painting which was shielding us from the bomb. “I have a feeling this bomb is a lot more complex than we originally thought.”

“Karl is an expert in defusing bombs. It’ll be fine,” Loki said nonchalantly.

I spun around in the barstool so I could face Loki, who had stepped back. “Yeah, maybe when he does it himself. Do you really think we can diffuse a Unabomber level bomb over a FaceTime call? We’re amateurs.”

“Shh,” Loki said, rubbing his thumb on my shoulder. “I won’t let anything happen to you. And if I have to,” Loki paused. His eyes closed. “I’ll teleport the bomb into purgatory.”

I fervently shook my head. “Loki, no. Don’t destroy the things you love for me. You have so many memories there.”

“I can’t let you die,” Loki’s voice was so soft. I almost didn’t hear it. “I told you I’d never hurt you. And I’m not going to let you get hurt by anyone else, either. What would I do without you?”

“You’d miss me, but then you’d move on,” I shrugged. “What you have in your purgatory is an accumulation of memories from places and people you have known way before you met me. I’m just a mortal you’ll forget about. Don’t destroy your entire life for one person.”

“They’re just things,” Loki scoffed. I didn’t believe him.

“Things that are important to you,” I remarked sternly.

“My past hasn’t exactly been happy. Why would I want to hold onto it anyway?”

“I bet you can remember the bad stuff like it was yesterday, but you need a reminder of the good parts. So just, hold off on your plan.”

“Okay,” Loki replied. “You’re wrong though. You aren’t just some mortal and I would never forget you. How could I forget my favourite anything?” Loki smiled and I let out a laugh.

“You’re going to have so many favourite anything’s in your life.”

Loki pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I closed my eyes and felt an even softer kiss on my forehead. “But they’ll be nothing like you bug.”

“Why do you keep doing that?” I asked as Loki pulled away from me. “Kissing my head.”

“There are only a few things that make you smile, and that seems to be one of them,” Loki said plainly.

“I didn’t even realise.” I squinted my eyes back at Loki. “Wait, I think I’d notice if I smiled every time you kissed my forehead.” I maybe smiled a few times, but for the most part, I remained emotionally stoic.

Loki leaned down and kissed my forehead again. I bit down on my lips. “See,” he said.

I gave Loki an exaggerated frown. “I’m not smiling.”

“Oh really?” Loki smirked. He leaned down and pressed kisses against my forehead, the tip of my nose, and against my cheeks. I could barely suppress my giggles and I felt Loki’s own smile against the top of my head. Loki put his arm around my waist, lifting me from my chair. He held me against his chest. I stared down at Loki’s feet and he lifted my chin with his finger. I stared at Loki’s lips. He leaned in closer. My eyes closed. Loki’s nose brushed against mine. And I thought about this being our last moment.

“I’d miss you too,” I announced abruptly. I couldn’t let Loki go a second longer without knowing that. Loki pulled away and looked at me with genuine surprise.

“You would?”

“Of course I would. I’d miss everything about you. But I’d miss the person I am when I’m with you. I’m mostly shy and reserved. When I’m with you, I feel…”

“Alive?”

“I was going to say annoyed,” I smiled. “But yeah, you certainly bring a lot of excitement into my life.” I gestured towards the painting, “Perhaps too much.”

“I do rather enjoy the painting, though,” Loki commented, walking towards the fireplace. I pouted as Loki walked away. He was going to kiss me and I fucking ruined it.

“Mmm,” I replied as I returned to Wanda’s laptop. “It’s a nice replica.”

“Replica?”

“Yeah,” I looked over at Loki, “It’s not the original.”

“I know my fair share of Midgaridan art. This is a real piece.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I jumped from my chair. “The painting is real!” I said as I began pacing.

“Yeah, but does it really matter?”

I stopped my pacing. “Yeah, it matters. It matters because that painting, if it is real, it wasn’t in an art gallery. I’m pretty sure it was part of a private collection. So someone bought it, and if we can find out who, we got our bombers.”

“How do we find out who purchased it?”

“Good question. That’s where the pacing comes in. Helps me think.”

“Typically when the All-Father wanted a painting he’d just contact a broker of some sort, or he’d just take it.”

“A broker,” I mumbled to myself. My feet froze in place and my eyes widened at the painting.

“You thought of something,” Loki remarked as I grabbed my phone. I scrolled through my contacts until I came across one I hadn’t called in years.

“We should have paid more attention to the painting,” I told Loki as my phone continued to ring. “Logan,” I smiled into my phone and then mentioned my full name.

“Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise? How are you?” A gruff voice asked me.

“Logan, listen. I’d love to catch up but right now we have a life or death situation here. Are you still in Madripoor?”

“Yeah, what do you need?”

“There was this guy you told me about. Said they had a lot of artwork. You called them the Broker, I think?”

“Yeah,” Logan confirmed, “The Power Broker.”

“I need to speak with the Power Broker.”

*******************************************************

Author's Commentary

I hate writing summaries. Also, I was going to make them kiss. That’s what I wrote but I didn’t think the vibe was right. Also, a little inside baseball, the Unabomber thing was a complete coincident. I had no idea what Daniel’s note was going to mean. Thank god the Unabomber’s middle name is John.

Tags still open. BTW

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darklightmiwxo · 3 years

Text

MIW history

Hello I want to make a history and facts post of MIW. I been a fan for a few months so I may miss some stuff out. New fans can check this out to understand more of the band.

Motionless in white members:

[IMG=OAA]

Name: Chris motionless (cerulli)

Full name: Christopher Cerulli)

Age: 34

Birthday: October 17 1986

Zodiac: Libra

Birth place: Scranton Pennsylvania

Height: 6'1

Role: main singer

Relationship Status: single

Chris says he doesn't want to get married.

Fear: heights and flying

Personality: a really kind person who cares for his fans he's funny and has a dad humor. Everyone just see him as a dad to them.

Interest: Chris really loves dogs. He plays video games halo and call of duty he plays it all the time. His fave bands is slipknot,marlin manson,korn,HIM,and more rock bands.

[IMG=EOZ]

Name: Ricky Olson (horror)

Full name: Richard Alison Olson the third

Nick name: Rick

Age: 32

Birthday: September 1st 1988

Birth place: Seattle WA

Lives: Scranton Pennsylvania

Zodiac: Virgo

Height: 5'6

Uni: he studied film production in college but dropped out for the band.

Role: rhythm guitarist and backing vocalist

Relationship status: taken by Jamie L

Fear: dying alone,being hated,failing

Personality: he's a calm sweet person he's very smart and also really kind. He's a good caring friend. However he can be a troll sometimes and mess around with everyone because he loves doing it. He loves his fans so much. He's a shy boy.

Interest: he loves to write,draw,edit,take photos, record videos,run his YouTube channel,create a mini sketch video to post on his channel, being a director,he loves cats and reading books.

Ricky fave bands is: muse,HIM,afi,slipknot,BMTH,Ariana grande,Ellie goulding.

[IMG=NEP]

Name: Vinny Mauro

Full name: Vinchenzo Mauro

Nick name: vin,chenzo,sachetti

Nationality: Italian American

Age: 27

Birthday: Nov 22 1993

Birth place: jersey shore Pennsylvania

Zodiac: Sagittarius

(he's also a Sagittarius Scorpio cusp)

Height: 5'6

Uni: vinny study computer programming but he dropped out of college to join the band in 2014

Role: drummer

Bands: MIW,suffer club,trap demon

Relationship Status: single

Fear: being hated by people

Personality: in most of Ricky vlogs vinny seem extroverted he is loud around friends and has lots of fun being silly. But in reality there is a side to him that isn't easy to see you can see it in his twitch stream. He's actually really introverted he said this himself. He's calming and sweet he interact with fans a lot and making sure fans respect each other. He loves to be alone in his room for many days avoiding human contact. Vinny mention being too shy to go up to new people but he is fine if people go up to him. He doesn't feel comfortable talking to new people. He likes being alone.

Interest: creating rap beats,playing video games,making music,dogs and cats,playing drums.

Vinny fave artist are: Fall out boy,paramore,korn,panic! At the disco,HIM,my chemical romance,arch enemy,maroon 5,emeiem,Ariana grande,dua lipa,Mack millo,doji cat,bring me the horizon,pierce the veil,sleeping with sirens,all time low,black veil brides,Rihanna,linkin park,green day,evanescences.

[IMG=XHH]

Name: Ryan Sitkowski

Age: 30

Birthday: Jan 8,1991

Zodiac: Capricorn

Birth place: Pennsylvania

Height: 5'11?

Uni: he dropped out of college to join MIW

Role: lead guitarist

Relationship Status: taken

Fear: spiders

Personality: Ryan is a chill person he's shy and caring to fans. He's also a troll he loves to mess around with his friends.

Interest: guitar,video games,trading card games.

Bands: the same as the rest of miw probably.

[IMG=QFE]

Name: Justin morrow

Age: 32?

Birthday: May 11th

Birth place: Caledonia, New York

Zodiac: Taurus

Height: 6'1

Role: bassist

Relationship Status: married

Fear: ?

Personality: Justin is a kind chill person who cares for his fans and his friends. He left ice nine kills to right away help MIW on tour. Justin is also a troll he loves trolling his friends.

Interest: videos games but not a nerd like the others,bass,cosplaying,putting makeup on.

Bands: the same as MIW

Motionless in white history:

The band started in high school of 2005

Chris,Angelo,Frank p,Kyle white being the first members of the band. Later after college and the bands demo releases Josh joined the band. Frank moved to bass. Micheal and TJ join as guitarist. Later on micheal left the band and Chris met Ryan. Ryan then joined as guitarist of the band. Chris met Ricky in 2009. Frank left the band and Ricky was the new bassist for MIW.

MIW got more popular in 2009 when they tour around the state's in a van. Tj left the band a year later to join escape the fate (Ronnie radke of falling in reverse old band and bless the fall singer Craig band) Ricky then became the new rythmn guitarist of the band. Ghost (Devin) join as the bass player of the band. During the infamous album creation Angelo was feeling ill he couldn't play drums well anymore he gets tired easily and his drum skills wasn't good at all he was eating bad that it make him weak. He couldn't drum anymore so he left the band. The band had other drummers help record their albums. Brandon was the touring drummer for the band till the end of the reincarnated album. The band met vinny and he became the new drummer he was in the reincarnated music video playing drums but you can't see him much in the music video. Vinny then became a member of MIW not a tour drummer anymore but a actually member of MIW. Josh left the band around this time. In the graveyard shift era after the making of the album the whole band kicked ghost out of the band because the fans told the band what ghost did to fans which was very gross. The band kicked him out and Justin from ice nine kills join the band as bassist then he quit ice nine kills to be working full time for MIW. Disguise is the first album where the whole current members of the band created songs without other people doing it for them.

Chris history from high school to now:

Chris grew up in Pennsylvania. He met his friends who end up being the band members of the band he wanted to create he wasn't expecting to be the main singer. At a young age Chris started getting tattoos everywhere.

Chris cared about the band and just went for it.

Demos of the band was created. Chris is a perfectionist he wants the album to be perfect so he was judging everything in order to make a album he liked. Band members left but he didn't quit the band he try to find new band members and try to meet new bands. He worked hard for the band he carry the whole band and make sure the band was doing well. Chris thanks Ryan and Ricky for being the most loyal band members staying with him all these years and not leaving him. Chris had the fear of failing the band breaking up and Chris dreams crushing down but Chris didn't let that happen at all. And here we are today.

Ryan Sitkowski college to now:

Ryan dropped out of college to join MIW at age 17. He was new to the band and Josh didn't like him at all. Ryan was at a young age traveling all over the state with the band. Ryan haven't shared much of his life on the internet he kept it more private. Ryan got a girlfriend and then when the lockdown happen he started streaming on twitch to interact with fans and made a discord too.

Ricky Olson high school to now:

Ricky is the oldest of his siblings. When Ricky was young he was playing with his friends sports and something hit his tooth so half of Ricky teeth is fake. He mention he cry to his mom on the phone because of it. Ricky in middle school wanted to be in a band because his friends played instruments and he wanted to join them. Ricky in high school was a shy boy who had a few friends but they were mostly fake friends. Ricky Olson begin to play guitar and write stories because of the inspiration of Ville Valo from HIM. He became obsessed with HIM. Ricky was in a band in high school as the lead singer but was kicked out for sounding like Ville valo. One of Ricky dreams was to be in a band and also a film maker. In college he study film production. While also working in band merch booth selling band merch to people. But since Ricky was too shy he got yelled at for not speaking up and selling more. Ricky was in a bad time around 2008 and 2009. He share this in a blog years ago about this. He was in a lost place had a bad past and he was thinking of the past all the time and future worrying about failing the future he wanted to be in a band but he was so lost he had no idea what to do in his life. He would day dream about being in a band and then cry to sleep every night about his life. He had depression and gave up with everything in his life. He drank achoul every day. One day on his sister 16 birthday Ricky was drunk coming home from work to go to his parents house his sister was sleeping in her bed.

Tw// self harm and suicide attempt:

Ricky was laying in his sister's bed he cut his arm with a knife it was a lot Ricky was sobbing while watching the blood going down his arm to the floor his dad saw what happen and ask Ricky what happen. Ricky was sobbing and yelling he wanted to die many times. He passed out and went to the hospital he lost a lot of blood and the achoul level was really high he drank way too much. He almost died. He end up getting better and went to see a therapist. He went to see MIW with a friend. Ricky met Chris and the band thought Ricky was cool so he invited them to stay at his house. Chris text Ricky being like should join our band. Ricky would often say idk if I should he didn't know if he would be good enough for the band.

He later on join and quit college but Ricky mention still feeling depressed while in the band. Josh ballaz disliked Ricky when he joined too. 2 years later Ricky moved to rythmn guitarist but he wasn't used to playing guitar since he mostly did bass so he often made mistakes on guitar. He was still learning to play guitar. Things got better for Ricky. But his dream job was always filming he does some film stuff on tour and at home. Though he knew he probably won't be a film maker for movies like he dream of doing he makes whatever he can make. Ricky has stomach problems he often went to the doctor because of it.

Vinny Mauro childhood to now:

Vinny is one of the youngest children of his family. He has many siblings. Vinny mention on stream that he had a bad past. He mention that his dad would take achoul all the time and not give a fuck about vinny. Vinny mom would always go after Vinny. Vinny as a kid was a trouble maker he would disobey his parents and think it was funny. His mom would throw stuff at him and threaten him. His dad gave him a drum set so vinny end up learning to play drums he self taught himself to play drums. He listen to music and got into new types of music he likes all types of music. In middle school a girl that he liked asked him if he can play paramore on drums and vinny played it for her.

In high school vinny was a outcast and loner he made friends in his neighborhood but at school he had no friend. He didn't fit in with anyone. He mention in Ricky Olson podcast his high school life. Ricky ask him how he didn't find friends in high school. Vinny mention saying he didn't fit in with anyone he is also a shy person so he doesn't go up to new people. He was more a loner and was fine with it. Vinny went to uni to study computer programming but he didn't like it at all he was often bored he posted videos of him drumming on his YouTube channel. He knew a guy who knew MIW. MIW was looking for a drummer and they asked vinny to try out for drums in another country which was Australia. Vinny dropped out of college and told his parents what he was doing they weren't happy about that but he end up going over there trying out drums but he was very nervous. He met the band and then went to start drumming. Chris and Ricky were in the same room as vinny they were watching him play drums. Chris being very judgemental. He often scares Ricky when he's on guitar and Ricky fear to make a single mistake in front of Chris and vinny felt that fear. He even said I think I mess up a few times on drums. After he finish drumming. Ricky and Chris went to talk said not a single word and vinny was sweating so much thinking he made a mistake and he won't be part of the band. Later on Chris made vinny part of the band. Vinny became the tour member of the band then he became a member of MIW.

Years later vinny decided to interact more with fans since he had time to so he livestreams on twitch and has discord to interact with fans.

The lock down happen and vinny spend time interacting with fans. He lives with his friend in a house together. But something about vinny these few years mostly months to now that was starting to show. Vinny was suddenly showing signs of depression he often tweet depressing stuff but each year got worst for him. 2020 was the start of vinny's down fall. He had so much self hate he hated his hair,his body,his looks everything about himself he hate. He even tweeted saying I'm sad so I'm going to make a song. He release alone. Even he tweeted about something sad saying 2020 was a bad start for him and Ricky ask if he was ok and hoping vinny was just joking around. During December vinny had back pains because of a sneeze that hurt his nerves so vinny was in so much pain and he didn't see a doctor he thought he could fight it himself just taking pain meds to him. In Jan of 2021 the start of vinny down hill. He was in so much pain he couldn't leave his room or chair he couldn't even drum. He was very depressed. He hated life so much. A month later he got better and went back to streaming but still he was struggling there was some bad stuff happening anyway with him. The covid shot made him sick Saying he didnt eat anything for 4 days he felt like throwing up he even woke up in the middle of the night thinking he was going to do it and other stuff that made him depressed. Around April of this year small amount of fans notice something was going on with vinny he mention so much self hate about himself. In May he mention he was fine but a week later he said he was depressed and talking about what happen months ago and years ago. Sharing something about his family past and he stopped himself saying he doesn't want to get too into it. Vinny mention that he was eating food once a day because he felt like he is fat for over eating food all the time so he end up just eating dinner only everyday. He done it since the beginning of March and still is doing it. He wanted to loss weight. So he doesn't want breakfast and lunch but he eats dinner.

Around may vinny was in rock bottom he talk to no one at all even Ryan was 30 mins away from vinny and he ask him why he didn't go to see him and vinny said he didn't know why. Vinny mention saying he talked to no one for a week straight he also mention he isn't the kind of person to go up to people he said he's very introverted. he stopped streaming for weeks because he was doing bad. He said he felt burnt out and tired.

He took his break off social media for many weeks. Around this time many fans notice vinny was really not doing well.

Then he return to streaming around the 18th of June. Just to say hi he said he miss his fans but he plans to stream again a few weeks later. He mention that he have been avoiding all human contact and was staying in his room playing video games and drums all day still with the once a meal thing he does. Vinny said he's not depressed but people ask him about his depressing tweets and he said is it really depressing. Someone ask him why he is listening to sad music and he said am I not allowed to enjoy music. Now more fans are worried about him. Many more fans noticing that vinny isn't ok and he's hiding it.

That's basically all of MIW history I could give.

I will update and add more to the list later when something new happens. The vinny stuff is true I been watching his streams a lot and he mention those stuff so I just wanted to share what he said. I been a MIW fan for 8 months so I may not know Ryan and Justin as much as the others. Since they don't share much about themselves.

Hoping you enjoy this. Free feel to comment somethings I forgot to add.

Please don't argue about ghost ok. Ty

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tendertenebrosity · 3 years

Text

Part 4 of my new TJ and Danny arc! Previously: 1, 2, 3. Masterpost here. TJ and Danny are my OC’s, the Pathverse belongs to @wildfaewhump!

The road was so long. Endless. When TJ looked ahead, it went on and on, shimmering in the heat, until it disappeared around a curve and a stand of trees. When he looked back, the metal barrier that marked where Danny and his car were had already gone from view.

TJ had never seen so much road, so much grass, so much sky. Was this what the world was, he wondered? Buildings like little huddled islands full of people, and between them just… huge empty stretches of road and sky that went on forever? No wonder you needed a car to get around in it.

Mostly from secondhand, incidental memories, TJ had formed the impression that ‘outside’ and ‘grass’ and ‘sky’ were supposed to be nice things. Other people liked them. But it was all too big, and too bright, and too hot, so that he felt even dizzier and sicker than he had in the car. And his feet started hurting almost immediately, thin bright lines of pain where the shoe rubbed against his ankle and his toes.

He trudged on anyway, eyes planted on the ground a foot or two ahead of his next step. There had to be people out here somewhere, and TJ was going to find them, and then they’d find Danny and take them both back home and everything would be OK.

Except it isn’t going to be, though, a thought pressed insistently at the back of his mind. Is it? Danny did something wrong. Danny took you away from the Agency on purpose.

Danny’s going to be in trouble when he gets back, and probably so are you.

TJ paused for a moment, hopped and skipped and tried to run a finger around the inside of his shoe to ease the bit where it pressed against his skin. But that isn’t fair, he protested. TJ hadn’t done anything bad. He’d done what Danny said. He’d always done what Danny said. Now the rules had changed and he was bad for letting Danny take him?

He shaded his eyes, looked up. The road was stubbornly unchanged, the end of it seemingly as far away as it had ever been.

He went on, limping, trying unsuccessfully to find a gait that didn’t hurt too much. And even though it was hard, even though this environment was nothing like the cool grey calm of his cubby, he thought.

Good Paths didn’t cause trouble. Good Paths did whatever the Agency said, whatever their handlers said. Up until now… for as far back as TJ could remember, that had always been the same rule. His handler had just been an extension of the Agency as a whole – oh, they’d been people still, TJ knew that. They’d complained about their bosses, and their jobs, and maybe they didn’t do everything perfectly. The Agency loomed over all of their heads, a huge amorphous structure that towered up into invisibility from TJ’s perspective. But they were still part of it.

TJ had always been obedient to the Agency, and to his handlers. Finding out that actually maybe those weren’t, or didn’t have to be, the same thing was… disconcerting.

I’m loyal, and, and obedient. I’ve always been a good Path.

But… who to? How could you know what was right, if handlers were just people who might tell you right or wrong things?

Equally disconcerting was the idea that Agencies could potentially just… ‘go under’. That was how Danny had put it. TJ knew what a business was, had read memories underpinned by and distorted around people’s ‘businesses’ going bad and falling apart. But – those were things that people made, mundane things, the world would keep on going if they fell apart. The Agency was too big and important and special to do that!

Wasn’t it?

What was TJ going to do, if being obedient to the Agency and obedient to Danny were suddenly completely different things?

This morning had put holes in the world, great cracks that let solid ground drain away. No matter how patiently and carefully he turned these thoughts over in his mind, he couldn’t put the pieces back together in a way that made sense and closed the hole.

TJ looked up, blinked at the horizon, and found that the stand of trees was actually nearer. It was, wasn’t it? It wasn’t just TJ getting dizzy and confused and forgetting what it had looked like before? He felt queasy, like he wanted to leave the road and be sick behind some of the grass, but he hadn’t eaten breakfast so it wasn’t as though there was anything to actually come up.

He swallowed hard, tried to forget about his feet and the headache that was pulsing behind his eyes, and kept going.

Julie thinks that I did this. She thinks I made Danny take me away, somehow. He hadn’t, of course, but TJ supposed it had been so out of character for Danny she thought somebody had to have made him. Danny had lied, or forgotten, when he said that TJ had never touched him… TJ hoped that wasn’t going to cause problems. He worried at his lip, shading his eyes with his hands.

It doesn’t really matter. Even if we’re going to be in trouble, Danny might be dying and he needs someone to get him out of that car. I need to get him out of that car. There’s nobody here but me to do it. And that was wrong and bad, but things were already bad. So it could be bad in a way that didn’t mean Danny died trapped in that car.

The bright yellow/green/blue of the world was starting to swim, to fuzz into greyness with sickening rainbow edges. But when TJ stopped to catch his breath and looked up…

Hidden behind the stand of trees and only now coming into view, there were buildings.

The building was marked out with tall, brightly coloured signs. There were cars dotted around it. And the distant, moving shapes of people. TJ covered his eyes with his hands, guiltily. But surely he couldn’t do any harm from this far away, right?

They were closer than TJ had dared hope… but he still had to walk to them. He set his teeth in his bottom lip, adjusted his blindfold over his forehead so it could be tugged down at a moment’s notice, and limped forwards, towards the bright signs.

Violet checked her phone for the time, then shoved it into the pockets of her jacket along with her hands. Still fifteen minutes before she was due to be picked up; she had time to go into one of the fast-food places at the service station and get a shake or something.

She left her bike chained into the rack, helmet dangling from the handlebars, and made her way past the cares and fuel pumps. She gave someone a nod and a forced smile as they paused to let her cross in front of their car.

She was almost through the automatic doors when she heard the panicked yell behind her.

“Jesus Christ! Get the fuck away from me!”

She tried not to flinch, tried to make it look natural as she spun away from the doors and started walking in the other direction, as if she’d just remembered that she wanted to go that way. Hands buried as fists in her pockets, she scanned the bleak concrete expanse of the car park.

There. A hunched figure, dressed head to toe in pale blue, like a uniform, and the man in jeans backing away from him in horror.

She heard the person in blue say something pleading, but it was drowned out as the man backed away again, a paper fast-food bag dropping to the ground and splitting.

“What the fuck is this? Get away - ”

The person in blue turned their head, distressed, and Violet saw the blindfold across their eyes; but to be honest, she hadn’t needed to. Her feet had already changed direction again, almost without her volition. She yanked her phone out as she walked, hissing curses until somebody picked up.

“Glen,” she hissed into the phone, without waiting for him to respond. “Get to the meet up point now. There’s a kid in a blindfold wandering around alone, I’m going in, see you soon.”

“Wh- Violet, don’t - ”

“Oh, no!” Violet called out, stuffing the phone into her pocket. “I am so sorry!” She plastered on her best look of friendly chagrin, pushed her sleeves up over her elbows, and strode towards the angry stranger and the Agency Path.

Glen better get here soon.

#Whump writing #Pathverse #TJ and Danny #Rescue attempt #car crash whump #blindfolded #institutionalised dehumanisation #internalised bigotry #telepathic whumpee #endurance whump

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iprefertheterminsane · 3 years

Text

What I should be doing; Updating my current BFU/GoMens fanfic

What I am doing instead; drafting an entirely NEW BFU/GOMens fanfic

Here it is;

Story Idea:

BFU*Good Omens, but make it scary.

The Unsolved Crew are trying to return to the airport after a successful hunt in London. Shane suggests they follow a scenic route of no discernible town. They somehow find themselves in a town that is not on the GPS maps with weird vibes and, surprise surprise, their rental breaks down. They have all watched enough horror thrillers to know all the cliché-est plot points. What lives in Devil's Dyke? Are the Them serial killers? Is Warlock going to betray them? Shane and TJ are probably going to die. But most importantly; What does it all have to do with Ryan?

-This is Shyan centric. On their way back to the airport, Shane suggests the crew take a scenic route down South Downs on their way back from London with the promise of a beautiful lake. The London shoots had been rife with sexual tension, and Shane does not want the moment to end.

-They find themselves driving into a town instead, suburbania and quaint. The townsfolk frown at them as they pass by. RP Tyler straddles his barking poodle. They obviously don't like newcomers.

-The rental breaks down. The cliche Ness starts to dawn on them

-"Hahaha, next we'll find out this place doesn't have line!"

-There is no line. They all glare at Mark.

-In a fit of nervousness, Ryan starts offline vlogging. Shane suggests they go into town to ask for someone to call the two service and find someplace with line. Surely SOMEONE will recognize them.

-But strangers look away and walk faster away when they approach. Whoever they manage to start scowling or fidgeting, and none of them seems to recognize the duo. Some even claim to know only faintly of YouTube. It's getting unreal. They do not seem to be joking, and get only more upset whenever the Crew tries to convince or tell them otherwise. It is finally pushing dusk. The Crew stops by a beautiful park. There is no one around, but a young boy, who has a look in his eyes they find relief in: recognition.

-His name is Warlock Dowling, and he showed them a copy of his birth certificate to prove it, claiming that it happens often enough that he has to resort doing so. It's so fucking cliche it hurts. Ryan hates this movie already.

-But Warlock is the son of an American Ambassador who lives in the UK, and thus, likely the only child who seems to recognize them and their YouTube Channel. He is not a big fan, but it's a whole site better than literally everyone else. South Downs is a bedtime story, he claims. It's perfect in the way all the towns in children storybooks are perfect. Nobody plays the internet in a storybook town. It is not a prank. Devon is skeptical.

-Warlock invites them to go to the Ambassador's house a little ways down the airbase near the back of the town, (what kind of horror path will they take? Thought Ryan. Both feel like equally bad ideas.) but they decide to go tomorrow. He directs them to a bed and breakfast instead. All the rooms look the same. The lady barely looks up as she hands them their keys. There is electricity in the rooms, meaning they could charge their appliances. For naught of anything better to do, they are filming this entire experience. They somehow convince themselves that Shane is going to die because Ryan is evidently the Protagonist, and since Shane is his Best Friend, he is either going to betray them or die in a heroic act sacrificing himself for Ryan. In a fit of panic, Ryan tells Shane he has a crush on him. Which is great and sweet and all, but now REALLY seals the deal in because now Shane is a love interest instead. Hasnt Ryan heard of the bury your Gays trope?

-"I knew you guys were gonna end up gay" "what why." "they have to kill SOMEONE off and none of us are black and Ryan s the protagonist."

-They don't find Warlock in the park the next day, and are forced to look for him themselves. Walking of course. They find out about the satanic nunnery that caught on fire on a cafe because the waitress explains that they have to pass through that and the abandoned airbase in the back of the town to get to the villa on foot. They all sigh in exhausted manner, not much in the mood for dying.

-Trudge they do anyway. Nowhere out but through.

-The old satanic nunnery is....not abandoned

-They rush inside and find that it is a company teamwork support organization, and they give out paintball sessions. There is electricity. There is a line, even if the company wasnt currently in season. They try to find a worker.

-They find her. Sister Mary is haggard and busy running an entire company and booking sessions all by herself. She is in turns dismissive and annoyed to moderately tolerant....up until she learns of Ryan's name

-She suddenly wants nothing to do with any of them, practically shoving them out her door and face sheet white, mumbling about being busy and how it wasn't personal. The door slams in their faces. Ryan looks like he is about to cry. Shane snaps.

-He breaks the door down, to the shouts of surprise from the rest of the crew, and announces, with the loud, arrogant nonchalance of a white man, that he is not going to budge until she tells them everything they want to know about Lower Tadfield, the South Downs and yknow the fuck what? Neither will Ryan. The rest of the Crew follow his example and dig their heels in, pretending to film her for good measure. They are counting on the fact that she does not have security, and that even if she calls the cops on them, the building is far too suburbania to find very quickly. Mary looks absolutely terrified, and refuses to look Ryan in the eye. She eventually gives in, on the account that they will soon leave immediately.

-The find out that she was an ex convent of the Chattering Order of St. Berryl's, a satanic nunnery. She came back because she had been born here, and oddly enough, the convent meant something to her. A good dozen of the Satanists died due to a lightning storm catching the nunnery on fire the night two babies had been born, and three left through the gates. She's never been afraid of Lower Tadfield. Nothing ever happens here. They don't buy it, but it's apparent she believes what she is saying.

-They demand to use the present line to call for another rental, cancel their airport tickets, etcetera etcetera, emphasizing that they are excited about leaving just as much as she does. With this promise, she allows them to do so.

--They manage to get their raw footage to Cloud and cancel their tickets but just as they are about to call for a new car, the lights start flickering. The building rumbles. Mary looks straight at Ryan and tells them to run. They grab each other s hands and does so.

-There halfway down the road when TJ yelps, and Devon announces they are being chased by something. They decide to run into the woods down further down south to lose it.

-It is dusk. Nobody is happy. At least everyone is alive though, which is something. Ryan remarks that the chase scenes in the movies are exactly as tiring as they make it out to be.

-Mark hears running water, and the Crew finds an occupied cottage on the shoreline of the sea. Their sighs are loud; both relieved and annoyed. Mark starts chanting/praying that they are not serial killers. Shane announces that everyone must be ready to leave at a moments notice, and sleep in the woods of they must, to everyone's agreement.

-The man who opens the door wears glasses and low slung jeans, eyebrow raised rudely. His husband, blonde and plump, tells him to let them come in, and that it is nearly dinner. They are gracious hosts-old enough to be someone's grandparents. Cute and domestic as well. Shane goes strangely quiet when the couple dances in the living room, and Ryan chalks it up to their romantic relationship, for which they share talks. There are unoccupied rooms they could bunk in-five; each of them reserved for the couple's godkids. Despite getting their own rooms, Ryan cuddles with Shane. He is oddly tense, at least until they start making out.

-Ryan wakes at night to voices in his ear, and decides to get a glass of something to drink. Shane is out cold. He finds TJ in the kitchen, looking at his phone. It is a picture of his family-Kate and their daughter. This is hugely concerning, as it is a surefire telltale that TJ might not make it. Ryan promises him they'll get back home. TJ clasps him on the back and tells him not to make promises he can't keep.

-Shane wakes the crew at 4 am and tells them, quietly, to pack up and leave for town. He had found a map, and determined the way to navigate. They are confused but obliging. They do not wake their hosts-in fact, Shane seems to want to make sure they leave without their knowledge. They find their way back into Tadfield by 8.30 am, and it is only as they are having bfast that Shane tells them that there is no tech but the radio-which isn't plugged in. The water runs, but the pipes underneath the sink are not attached to anything. Crowley does not eat, and his eyes were....weird. Too many red flags. And as he searched the room for maps before Ryan came into his room the night before, he had found a crumpled poker card of the Antichrist, and Devon admits to finding one of War, a horseman of the Apocalypse, in hers. Mark taps his fork anxiously, and his eyes spell out what they all could tell. The climax is soon.

- It is not until Ryan walks and spots a bespectacled child of Warlocks age that he realizes he has barely seen any children in this town, and suggests that they follow him to ask whether he knew Warlock. The rest of the crew return to the BnB for some well deserved rest, but Shane and Ryan pursues the kid....into the forest.

-They lose him until HE found THEM. He immediately recognizes Ryan, who had to introduce his best friend Shane. Two other kids appear from between the trees. One of them, a girl, has a large wooden sword. They are surrounded. Shane grips Ryans hand, and asks, half jokingly, is they are serial killers, and if they are intending to kill him.

-The Them claims that it happened like, one time, and they do not plan to kill Shane, but their smile looks too wide to be genuine, like they are sharing a personal joke. The boys start walking away. The Them follows. Ryan asks if they know Warlock. They stop, sharing looks. Brian asks how they met Warlock. Ryan refuses to tell them . The kids get defensive, the way 13 year olds tend to get when they are about to justify doing a notable offense, like staying awake past bedtime The wind picks up, and the kids get visibly relieved. Brian tells them that Adam is coming, in a way that makes them feel like they definitely do not want to meet Adam. They scram it.

-They are being chased again. This time, when Ryan looks back, he sees what looks like a dog but isn't-like something is badly wearing the skin of a dog, like it has too many limbs to fit into four legs, a slobbering maw and hellfire eyes.

-They manage to leave the woods, and almost get hit by a three wheeled blue car. Shane bangs on the door and it opens for them, and Ryan shouts at them to step on it. It is only when they get to a quaint little cottage at the other end of the town do they acknowledge their saviours-a bespectacled, brown skinned woman and a jittery boyfriend.

-The woman is American. She recognizes them immediately, and says that she is a huge fan of True Crime. It is the most mundane , normal conversation they have for all of 2 days. They enter Jasmine Cottage. Shane slumps.

-there is a horseshoe above the door, and runes etched into the wood. The smell of incense burns strongly, and a redlined conspiracy board in a corner of the kitchen.

-The woman calls herself a professional occultist. A witch, basically. Which is...fine. She is at least honest and blasè about it, which made someone in this godforsaken town at least. Shane spots a picture of the Antichrist on her pinup board, the same one as seen in the poker card he's found in AziCrow's cottage. Anathema notices, and admits that it's complicated. They are confused, angry and terrified, and mentions their encounter with Adam, and everything else they'd had to suffer through as they are stuck in the village. Her facial emotions change from shock, to calculating, to confused, to skeptical, before finally ending In blank. She claims that it is very unlike Adam, as he usually does not go about scaring people from out of the village. He had welcomed her in just fine, and the town had followed short after. Shane asks about the Antichrist and Horsepeople symbolism. She waves that one away, claiming how it wasn't important and that 'They wouldn't believe her anyway.' She offers Meet to drive them back to their Inn, and they accept.

-They get back to the village; as they open the door to their rooms, knowing that the rest of the Crew is waiting for them, Warlock is also there. He takes a single look at them, and raises an eyebrow. They tell him what happened. Warlock frowns. Tells them the only reason they'd been hounded In such a way if Adam wants something from them, and TJ puts his face into their hands.

-They ask if they should lock the door. Warlock tells them not to bother-it won't stop him anyway. Devon asks the possibility of leaving this very night. Warlock shakes his head, but looks contemplating.

-That night, Shane gets kidnapped.

-Ryan doesn't see the culprit, but something tells him it's the Them, and the Hound, and Adam. He runs into the woods. The night is cold and still, but the trees shake like they could be alive. Ryan yells angrily into the void, asking Adam what is it that he wanted, that it's him they actually want, to let Ryan go. He faces the Hound, a slobbering, monstrous nightmare. Ryan thinks he is going to die. There is a boy sitting in a dilipidated throne above a chalk pit with blood red eyes.

-Two headlights pierce through the gloom. The trees still. The hound sits, and Crowley steps out if the Bentley.

-Aziraphale is in the car. Warlock peers over his shoulder. Crowley stomps over and tells Adam to come down-that his game is over, and it stopped being funny for quite some time. Shane stumbles out of the woods, dazed and terrified, and Ryan traps him into an embrace.

-After some chastising Adam admits that he's made a bet with Greasy Johnson in school that Demons and Ghosts are real, and that the Them had managed to convince him that it lives in the woods. He had not believed them, and made them bet that if it was really haunted, Paranormal Investigators would come and make a whole documentary about it. Warlock had showed him a few episodes of BFU, and Adam thought it perfect.

-Crowley scolds him, telling him against manipulating and keeping the Crew here against their will, and Adam looks appropriately chastened. Dawn breaks. The crew emerges from the Inn in a state of panic. Crowley pat's the van twice and it comes to life.

-Someone asked Crowley if the kids really HAD killed people. Crowley waves it away, claiming that it isn't important. In the light of morning, the kids and the dog almost looks normal.

- They decide not to prod any further. Aziraphale apologizes one last time, and tells the that they are welcome in Tadfield if they choose to come again. Ryan and Shane emphasizes that they absolutely will not, ever. Aziraphale nods like he understands. They pack the equipment and leaves the town, possibly England, forever.

-In a few days time, Adam gets an email- a video titled The Horrors of Hogsback Woods, and he grins cheekily to himself.

#BuzzFeed Unsolved #Shyan maybe?#Good Omens #but scary #Warlock Dowling #Anthony Crowley #Aziraphale #Shane Madej #Ryan Bergara #fanfic #fanfic draft #Adam is a little shit #the Them are technically murderers?#tw horror #suspense #ineffable husbands #Devon #TJ Marchbank #Mark

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calypsoff · 3 years

Text

Twenty Seven. Part 2

I dipped out of that bitch quick as fuck, I ain’t waiting around, why would I and who am I waiting for. I found out that TJ is having a son and that is all I need to know; shit was weird though. To be in that environment, to be in that situation where people knew me, where I got pointed out and they wanted pictures with me, for what. I am not famous, my girlfriend is but me, no. I don’t do pictures with people, I am not there for me. I think that made me feel uncomfortable, so I wanted to leave, I’m glad I did. I’m just going to go home and and relax now, I did my thing. Tomorrow back to Texas and the Cali, it blows my mind that this is my life now. I am city to city, I am free. Like when I was living in VA, when I was here I felt locked and I had people after me, not saying I don’t have that now still, but I am happier and I feel less the need to hide, I always wanted to hide because I felt trapped within myself, I feel like my personality is coming back. The kid I was, being locked up crushed me, I was fucked up. I think maybe I was depressed, but Robyn has helped me. I can’t thank her enough, she has been my rock even though she is angry with me about going but nothing happened, there was no drama at all. Now I am home, I did try and call Robyn, but her phone was not on, she did say she was in rehearsals. I kind get like Seiko would have had me in the photos with her, like I felt she wanted that. She was edging towards me and stuff, I had to go because it was getting weird quick, it was getting a little too much for me anyways. All is well, I am happy and home because no drama happened today.

Closing the door behind me “is that you Chris!?” My mother asked “yeah” making my way into the living room “oh” my auntie is here, I’m sure she said she never wanted to see my face because of her son being where he is now “you look well” everyone keeps saying this “thanks” I mumbled “I am going to be in my room” I rather be there “sit with your auntie” oh this bitch doesn’t want me to sit, she wants to question me about how I am living life and her son isn’t “I’m cool” I waved her off “how is your girlfriend?” See I knew it “which one?” Laughing as I said that “I don’t see you as a cheater, I mean who cheats on Rihanna. Rihanna cheats on you, that’s how it goes” I shrugged “I don’t have one” I don’t like speaking about Rihanna, it’s not just not something I want to speak on to everyone “Chris, stop it now” taking in a deep breath “she’s good” I answered properly “I would get her pregnant, least you will get paid” who says that “least I can get a girl pregnant, can’t say that about your son. Tell him to google me” walking off, she can fuck off and die. Who the hell says that I expected my mom to tell me off for what I said but no. She knows that she did wrong, that was wrong of her when I didn’t attack her like she did me “going to bed already?” My sister asked at the top of the steps “you think I’m sitting with that, no way” shaking my head “did you go to the gender reveal then?” Nodding my head “it was nothing, went there and it was just nothing, saw a few people then came back here” my sister walked off rolling her eyes “surprised she let you go” how can they be surprised by that, it’s not a big deal.

Is it just me or my followers are going up, yes they are going up “that’s weird” I said to myself, my phone started to ring, the WhatsApp group is calling, answering the call “hey” placing it on speakerphone “I just want to say thank you both so much for coming, I decided to call my child Bhris. Include both of your names” TJ is dumb “man whatever, I came for you and now you owe for whenever I do need you. It’s funny right, I went to thats shit and come back to more followers, how does that even work out” it’s confusing “you getting titty pictures again?” I busted out laughing “man, I need to look in my messages, but I don’t know. I ain’t like that people was saying that I am Rihanna’ boyfriend like I am Chris, now shut up!” It’s so stupid “you were literally the day, fuck my child. People were hyping you up, oh that is Rihanna’ boyfriend. Is Rihanna coming and shit, bro. It was funny to see that anyways. They were shocked anyways, but check. See if you’re getting nudes” I chuckled swiping up on my screen “yeah well I will check but I don’t know, I think it’s just people probably trying to be nosey to see Robyn” Barry and TJ love going through my messages, it’s because there is so many thirsty bitches in my messages talking shit and sending me nudes and saying they want to be my side bitch, like no I am good with that “ayo, oh shit. You remember that one chick. The big one? The one that sent me pussy pictures and it was scary as fuck, she in my messages again” TJ screamed out “yo, her pussy was big as fuck. I could wear that shit as a crown, is it full of females still!?” nodding my head “yep, they want a light skinned daddy I guess” I am just a regular nigga, these girls are doing the most.

Stifling out a yawn as I tapped on my tagged posts “uh, what the fuck” tapping on the first picture “what is it?” Barry asked “yo, please go in my tagged posts” looking at the page, this is Rihanna fans, why are they zooming in on my sweatpants like that, scrolling down to the caption ‘I see why my queen @badgalriri is with him! An Anaconda’ the caption states and I couldn’t help but laugh, that shit is fucking hilarious “no fucking way! I can see why Rih is with him, yooooo they are zooming in on your dick. But where is the actual picture” backing out of the picture, my tagged posts is full of my bulge, scrolling down and then there we have it. Tapping on the original picture “The Shade room!” TJ and I both said in unison “no fucking way!” Barry cackled “nigga you made it, oh shit, what is it” staring at the picture of me just stood staring, people were taking pictures. Swiping across, oh god not Kristie and I, that was harmless conversation “oh my god” how the hell they made this look bad, I was pointing at Seiko bump as I walked off, I told her good luck but that picture looks something else “Rihanna’ new boyfriend was caught attending his ex-girlfriend baby gender reveal, he was in high sprits talking to the ladies. Chris and his ex-girlfriend are friends, Chris denied any rumour that the baby is his but him attending the gender reveal without his girlfriend by his side seems a little off. Rihanna was last seen in California and looked less amused to be back, trouble in paradise?’ is this a joke “so that is why I am getting these follows, Robyn is going to kill me. It was all harmless” this is pathetic “another one from the party, why is people taking off guard pictures of you. Rihanna’s boyfriend, this is all they keep saying about you. You ain’t even Chris anymore” this is so fucking stupid.

Walking out of Giorgio Baldi, covering my face as the paparazzi took pictures, I have finished more rehearsals and thought I would have my meal with my manager and brothers that are here currently. Getting into the SUV, shuffling over in the seat to make space for my manager to get in. Tour is drawing so close and yet I skip over that one song, I have not rehearsed it being there, I skip it every time, it is too painful to do it. I feel like I am going to cry when I do it, nobody will ever know the pain I went through to finish off that tour in the first place. The pain of losing my baby, nobody will ever know, just the ones I want to know “that was eventful” Jay said, I am glad he spoke. I was about to cry “what was?” I asked “the meal, I like the way you are going and aiming for. I mean I was a little concerned at first, I was thinking where is Robyn’ mind at. She is doing no interviews; the album just gets released but the album is doing great. This tour will push it even more, it’s doing numbers. I can only see you going up, Queen Rihanna” I chuckled “what can I say, I try. But I am excited about this tour. It is my best one yet, the stage, the direction, the outfits. It is just me; you know. I feel comfortable” Jay clapped his hands “finally, we see eye to eye, but I am hype to see it in action for the first night” it will take my mind off a lot this tour.

Home sweet home “my feet hurt, my god” placing my bag on the kitchen counter “publicist” Tina held her phone up to me “really?” I said a little confused “mhm yes” taking the phone from her “hello” answering the phone “I have tried your phone, it’s off but there is something going around, a conversation from a clip that was taken. Chris was there, it’s very distorted and it’s talking about you getting pregnant. I am unsure, but the headline is baby on the way for Rihanna, is that at all true?” I am so confused “Chris said it!?” I spat “no, the other guy. The sound is not good, but he says about the line of Rih pregnant” I am going to blow “right, that is a lie. I am not pregnant” Mel’ eyes widened hearing that “Chris has made a lot of bad press about you being with him, it’s crazy ok. Bye” they disconnected the call “what did I say?” I said to Mel passing Tina’ phone back to her “you knew this would happen” nodding my head “now this is the drama that has happened, my phone is off apparently. I left it here, the battery might has died but this is on Chris, I knew this would happen. He wanted to go there and now look, just drama for nothing” sitting down on the bar stool “you think Chris will be calling you? Or has called you” I sniggered “I know my man, he will. I can bet you money. I know for a fact he is or has called me. Well my phone is off so he can’t contact me, he will assume I am angry” Mel’ phone started to ring “it’s Barry” Mel grinned, she is happy as fuck “hey boo” rolling my eyes, they are sickening already. I don’t like this “I am at home why?” Mel said, I guess I better go and get my phone to check on it. Maybe also charge it “yeah she’s here, we were out. Why are you asking? Has Chris done something wrong” Mel winked at me and then put the phone on speaker “no, he ain’t do anything wrong just wondering if Rihanna is ok” these niggas ain’t shit “but there must be a reason why?” Mel questioned “just Chris was saying Robyn is ignoring him, so just yeah. Nothing to do with us” shaking my head laughing, I just knew this would have happened, but it’s not even that I am ignoring him, just my phone died, and he assumes I know anything about it.

Mel came back into the kitchen as I continued to stuff my face full of fruit “so like I asked him again, I said did anything happen. What is up? Blah blah. He said oh nothing just that his words are being twisted and he is annoyed, what did you say about being pregnant? To your publicist?” Mel asked “oh erm a clip of Chris talking, something to do with a baby. I hope he hasn’t said that I was in any way like that, but the clip is distorted a lot so it’s a lot of assumptions about what was said, anyways I am going to charge my phone. But I told you, I said this would happen. I hate being right” sliding off the bar stool “I don’t think he would, he better not have. Have fun anyways” nodding my head as I took the plate with me, I cut this damn Melon for myself “Rorrey, we will be leaving in a few days so if you need to do anything do it now, you know I want someone here. Rajad, just do nothing” Rorrey snatched some Melon from my plate “asshole” I mean if my brother wasn’t doing this for me then I would have got a house sitter, it’s not good leaving a home like this alone. I mean a home I was forced into because I needed to prove a point to Chris that I do have a home.

As soon as my phone switched on, I am not even joking. No time for my notifications to come through Chris called, like he sensed it but I will pick up now. It’s a little too much to just ignore him because only god knows how long he’s been ringing “hello” answering the call “seriously Robyn!? Why is your phone off, that has really pissed me off” he sounds it “my phone died clearly, nothing bad” placing my phone on speakerphone “but it is bad Robyn, I got worried. I am sorry, damn!” I sniggered “what are you sorry about?” placing my phone on the bed laughing to myself “about the headlines, the shit that is being said about me. None of that happened” eating my Melon as I laid back smirking, I just knew this would happen “tell me more” I mumbled “but uh what is that about pregnant and me?” I pointed, I need to understand that “that shit was never said, TJ was speaking on he wants us to have a baby so we can open a day care, it was a joke. Nothing about you being pregnant. I am sorry, I just didn’t think that would happen. It’s fucked up” maybe now he will listen to me “mhmm right, so say this after me. Ready?” I said, I swear this boyfriend of mine will learn “what?” placing my Melon down “I am sorry Robyn, I will listen to you because you are always right. Say it and then you and I can move on and be free from the chains of an argument” the line went silent; I know for a fact he dislikes being wrong. He is going to be irritated but if he was a silent life he will “I said sorry already?” he said sounding all annoyed “and? When you are ready” I have a all night for him to say it “I am sorry Robyn, I will listen to you because you are always right. Dang, are you done?” I guess I have to forgive him “just know, I know what these blogs are like, so anyways. I hope you had a good time at a gender reveal” I know he regrets the mess “first I am Rihanna’s boyfriend and now this, damn” he is miserable, I am glad he is “I mean what else are you? Next time you will listen to me Chris” rolling my eyes.

#Chrianna FF #Chrianna #Chrianna Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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chickensarentcheap · 3 years

Text

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 5

Title: Neighbours

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @tragiclyhip

The ‘to do list’ is long and lengthy but not unmanageable.

Inside and outside decorations, picking out a tree and having it dropped off the next day, last minute presents and stocking stuffers to grab, a massive grocery list that includes the usual staples and the ‘extras’ that always make their appearance at Christmas time. The convenience of a big city is one thing she’s always missed; malls with everything you need under one roof, strips of your favorite, eclectic little shops, delivery for everything under the sun. Never having to own a car; Uber and taxis summoned with just one phone call, the subway just a block away. The younger Esme...the one fresh off a shitty first marriage...had loved every second in New York City. That spacious loft -with its exposed brick walls and industrial lighting and Juliet balcony- in Brooklyn, the Broadway shows she’d attend, the high end shops like Tiffany’s, Chanel, and Prada that she’d do little more than browse in; dreaming about all the things she would buy if she was ever fortunate enough to have money to burn. Trips to Central Park; reading a book or sipping a latte while sitting on the edge of the fountain or treating herself to lunch at Tavern on the Green. She’d never been bored; filling every minute of her free time with something new to experience. Taking the subway into different ethnic areas; trying new foods and drink and buying newly discovered -to her- spices and intriguing ingredients to try out at home. And while she’d been alone, she’d never been lonely; always finding ways to keep herself busy.

While it’s nice to come back and spend time in the BIg Apple, she no longer misses it with such intensity. THAT Esme..the one who’d lived in that loft apartment and who’d window shop at the high end retailers...no longer exists. She died almost thirteen years ago; her life coming to end on the Sultana Kamal Bridge. It had been time; out with the old, in with the new. And there’d been something so incredibly empowering about it; never returning to either the city or Colorado and having her step father pack up the necessities and ship them to her. Many people would consider it foolish; throwing a somewhat stable and comfortable life away for something so different. A country on the other side of the world, a man she barely knew yet her heart was certain she was in love with, a tiny and cramped apartment outside of Sydney with barely any clothes in the closet and only second hand, mismatched furniture to decorate the place. But it had turned out to be everything she’d wanted; a change in pace and scenery and a life she never knew she was missing out on. That man she barely knew outside of sex quickly proving to be the love of her life; not just a lover, eventual spouse and baby daddy, but her best friend. The one and only person she truly trusted; who’d been so willing to give up his life to save hers and made her feel safe and protected...and LOVED...in ways she’d never experienced before.

Australia quickly became home. Despite the lingering issues from Dhaka -the slow healing process and the financial issues and the worry of retaliation IF word ever got out that he had survived- they’d been happy. Not needing much; enjoying those evenings on the couch, watching television and eating ice cream right out of the container, those trips -as a couple and then newlyweds and eventually with a tiny Millie in her daddy’s arms, the long and quiet -and often post coital- conversations that had become their norm. They’d gone through a hell of an ordeal together; forming a bond that other people simply couldn’t understand. Both of them could have easily died that day; Tyler from his injuries, her due to the decision she’d made to stick around in an effort to keep him alive. After that, they’d sworn to never take a single second for granted; enjoying the ‘getting to know you’ process even as a newly married couple and her with a baby growing in her belly. It hadn’t been a conventional start to things; those five days in that cramped and dirty hotel room in Dhaka followed by an unexpected little bundle and her decision to give up her old life. But it had worked. THEY had worked. Despite all the odds stacked against them and everything that said they shouldn’t. The ordeal they’d survived giving them an appreciation of each other; putting down that foundation of respect and mutual awe that everything else could -and would- be built upon.

As amazing as it all sounds -finding the love of your life, discovering your own slice of paradise, starting a family- it’s work. Love and everything that comes with it is a lot of work, in fact. It’s arguments over both stupid shit and important issues; it’s hurt and anger and bitterness due to miscommunication or simply not taking the others feelings into considering. It’s learning how the other works and functions so you can be the one to provide comfort, stability, and aid; patience and deep rooted concern and the desire to keep them safe and healthy driving you.

Lust is one thing; immense physical attraction extremely important and definitely an added bonus. But at the end of the day, it’s other forms of intimacy that keep things alive and well; the simple act of holding hands while sitting on the couch or even driving in the car, the unexpected hugs and kisses, the little things you do for one another without even thinking, the teasing and the laughter and the conversations. It’s one thing to love someone and physically WANT them, it’s another to actually ENJOY them; their company and their smile and the sound of their voice and the way they cheer you up even on the worst days. How they talk you through hard times and how quick they are to dry your tears and want to make things right; willing to do anything and everything within their power to make you happy and to feel wanted and appreciated. It’s all those things that keep things going even when they feel like they’re falling apart.

******

“Mum!” TJ calls, as he bounds down the stairs and through the immense space that make up the living and dining areas; an easy and clean flow directly into the counter. “Check it out! You gotta see my outfit?”

With a mug of tea pressed to her lips, she glances up from the spiral notebook in front of her. It’s one of many that usually take up residence in one of the kitchen drawers; a different colour cover indicating which kid it is assigned to, two for things that are needed when it comes to household items and repairs, another for things like groceries and personal products. She’s always been organized, but something ‘snapped’ over the course of the last five years; an obsessive of sorts when it comes to keeping affairs in order.

“What the heck are you wearing?” she inquires, as her oldest son sprints through the living and dining area and then uses his socks to allow him to slide the rest of the way. An almost victorious and proud grin on his face when he comes to a stop against the island. His outfit of choice is an eyebrow raiser; jogging pants enormous and incredibly baggy, a hoodie at least four sizes too big, a black knit beanie on his head.

“It’s my New York City look. For the mean streets. You like it?”

She grins and sips her tea. “The mean streets, huh? There’s nothing quite as dark and dangerous as the vicious and cold, dark alleys of Gramercy Park.”

“It’s bad ass. New York City. Maybe not exactly where we live, but…”

“You’re pretty far removed from the bad assery of The Big Apple, but I admire your spirit. If I ever find myself getting mugged or having to walk down a dark street at two in the morning, I know who to call.”

“I’d protect you, mum. I don’t care how big and bad someone is. I’d kick their ass for you. Or at least try to.”

“And THAT is why you’re my favorite. Although don’t tell your brothers and sisters; that’ll cause too much drama.”

“Your secret is safe with me. OUR secret.” He slings an arm around her shoulder and presses a kiss to her cheek. “What’cha doing?”

“Lists. One of many. Things we need in the house and things we need to do.” She eyes him from head to toe, mug against her lips. "Is that your dad’s hoodie? AND his pants?”

“He let me have them. I asked if he had anything old I could wear; that he wasn’t going to use anymore. This is what he gave me.”

“You do realize he’s more than a foot taller than you and about...I don’t know...a hundred pounds heavier.”

“I weigh a hundred pounds now. Dad’s like one eighty.”

“He was one eighty five when he got out of the hospital. Five years ago. He’s two ten now. Soaking wet. And you’re five feet? Since when?”

“Since yesterday. I had Tanner measure me.”

“You have a lot of damn nerve, kid. Being only half an inch shorter than me. At TEN.”

“I share DNA with a giant. Dad’s six three. I’ve got more of his genes than yours.”

“Yes, I know. I see more and more of those genes every day. You’re looking more like him all the time. And don’t get me wrong, that’s a good thing. A VERY good thing. But five feet? Already? What the hell?”

“I can’t help it. Blame genetics.”

“You’re going to be massive. You’re probably going to be taller than your dad. And if you keep lifting weights like you do and you start going heavier as you get older, you’ll be huge by sixteen. A good huge. It’s depressing. You’re depressing me.”

“Sorry, mummy.” He kisses her cheek once more, then joking places his forearm on the top of her head. “You’re going to make a good arm rest. Thanks for being absurdly short.”

“Don’t be a smart ass. I brought you into this world, I can take you out.”

“Dad says the tiniest ones are always the most feisty. I think that’s why he fell in love with you; you’re little but you don’t take any shit. Even from him.”

“He likes a challenge, that’s for sure.”

Sipping her tea, she watches him as he heads for the fridge; rummaging through it before coming up with a container of some of the baked goods Tanner had already blessed the family with, and a bottle of Gatorade. He even walks like his father; those gigantic feet and that long, slightly bow legged gait. TJ is more awkward; stuck at the stage between still being a child, yet quickly nearing his teenage years. And he’s become far more mature since hitting double digits; still possessing that extremely active and almost hyper personality, but prone to more serious and thoughtful moments. And at times he looks years older; when his eyes darken and his lips set into a thin, serious line and his brow furrows. So much of his dad exists in him. Both inside AND out. And that smile; the one that crinkles the corners of his eyes and slightly wrinkles the bridge of his nose. It’s on his face now; as he opens the lid on the container of treats and sets it -and his drink- on the counter top before fetching the pot of tea from the stove and warming up the contents of her mug.

“You certainly are my best son,” she chides. It’s only PARTLY a joke. Although at times he can be quite the handful and his ability to regulate his emotions and temper can cause issues both at home and at school, he’s a wonderful kid; loving so deeply and profoundly.

“Tanner wanted me to give you this,” he reaches into the pocket of the hoodie and pulls out a folded sheet of printer paper. “Things he needs. For his baking. He’s really good, huh? At the whole baking and cooking thing? Like, INSANELY good.”

“He’s quite the talent,” Esme agrees. “But so are YOU. You’ve got your own things you’re amazing at.”

“But not like him. He’s crazy smart and he can play the guitar and sing and all this baking and making dinner and stuff. He’s like a dude Martha Stewart! You know what he should do? Start a Youtube channel. People would LOVE him. People are suckers for a cute kid.”

“Well, you know Tanner; how nervous and anxious and shy he gets. You should bring it up to him. If anyone can talk him into something, it’s his big brother. He idolizes you.”

“I don’t know why. I’m not THAT great.”

“I don’t know. You’re pretty damn awesome in my books. And you’re a really good big brother. You should talk to him. He’d be willing to try, I bet. Maybe it’s something you could do together. He’d love that. He loves spending time with you. And I know it’s been hard; him going to a different school.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been the best thing that’s ever happened,” TJ laments, and helps himself to one of the peanut butter and chocolate squares in the container. “It’s been four years and I STILL miss him. I loved having him in my class. And I loved hanging out with him at lunch and at recess. And sitting with him on the bus.”

“It was a hard decision to make. But it was the best decision. For him.”

“Yeah, my school isn’t exactly an intellectual wonderland. He’s better off where he is. With other brainiacs like him. But still, I do miss him.”

“I’m sure he misses you too. But you get a lot of time together. At home and stuff. And I always love Fridays; the bus dropping him off at your school and you guys coming to see me at the store. Hanging out until I close. Hands down my favorite day of the week.”

TJ smiles. “Mine too.”

“And I thought I was organized,” she comments, as she studies Tanner’s very neat and tidy list.

“He’s kinda anal, huh? About some things? I don’t mean that in a bad way. Just that he’s very…”

“Particular?”

TJ nods. “You know, I wish he’d see himself the way I see him. He’s always worried that he’s weird and that people don’t like him because of it. He always talks about how his brain isn’t like everyone else’s and that he wishes it was. You know what I wish? That more people were like Tanner. Because he’s talented and he’s unique and he sees the world so differently than everyone else. I know he struggles with some stuff, but it’s not a bad thing; him being the way he is. Sometime I think he’s better off than all of us.”

“Unfortunately, self hate seems to be a genetic trait as well. Who does that remind you of? Who else sees themselves in a bad light?”

“Yeah, dad is pretty good at that. Not liking who he is. I don’t why; I think he can be kinda awesome.”

“I think he can too. He’s just had a rough time. For a LONG time. He’s working on it. On a lot of things. But you know what’s really amazing at? Being a dad. I’m pretty lucky. I landed myself a pretty incredible guy. He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me. And as for Tanner, maybe you should tell him what you just told me. Because I guarantee you, if he heard that from his big brother? It would mean the world to him. He needs to hear stuff like that. Tell him, okay?” She rubs her palm in slow circles in the middle of his back. “It would make his day. Probably his whole year.”

“I will. I’ll tell him. Do you think he’ll live alone? Away from you and dad?”

“I don’t know,” Esme admits, and cupping her mug in both hands, turns around and leans back against the countertop. “Your dad and I talk about it from time to time. If Tanner will ever get to that stage. If he doesn’t…” she shrugs. “...he doesn’t. I mean, he could live in the pool house. He’d be close enough to home so if he did need help, we’d be right there.”

“What if he lived with me? If we got a place together? When we’re old enough, of course. Say when we’re nineteen. And I’ve got a good job. Like in the military or something.”

“That’s a lot to take on, Teej. A career like that and your brother. Would you want to do that?”

“Why wouldn’t I? He’s Tanner. He’s my baby brother. And not just any baby brother. We were made at the same time. We came out only a few minutes apart. I spent nine months with him; inside of you. Why wouldn’t I want to be with him?”

“A lot will change over the next nine, ten years. You might get tired of him by then.”

“I am NEVER getting tired of him. He’s my brother. I love him. And if it gives you and dad a break after taking care of him for so long, that’s good enough for me.”

“You are something else, Baby-Man. You really are. And I mean that in the best way possible.”

“I know you do. And I like that you still call me that. Even if I AM almost taller than you.”

“You know, you’ve been so cute and helpful these last few days, that I will ignore your cheap shot. You really ARE your dad. Head to toe. Inside and out. Facial expressions and everything. It’s freaky.” She turns and helps herself to one of the treats; a chocolate concoction with marshmallows and coconut inside and a coating made from crushed up Frosted Flakes. “You know, I craved these for my entire pregnancy with you and Tanner. Your dad used to make them for me. Dozens at a time. He’d even get up at three am to do it. Or to go get tacos. That’s probably why you like Mexican food so much.”

TJ’s eyes widen. “Dad used to bake? At three am?”

“At all hours of the day. He’s actually really good at it. These were my favourite. He made them for me; my first birthday after we got married. We had just had Millie and we didn’t have a lot of money to throw around but he still managed to make it special. Australian wildflowers, a picnic on the beach, and these. It was pretty awesome. One of the best birthdays I’ve ever had. Spent with my favorite human.”

“Dad really DOES have his moments.”

“Yeah, he really does.” Esme smiles, and takes a bite of the square. “You know, your grandma used to make these things.”

“Like mean, awful grandma or grandma Adeline?”

“Grandma Adeline. Your dad’s mom. She was quite the baker. Tanner must have inherited that from her. I know Declan got her red hair.”

“That must have been really hard. On dad. Her dying when he was little.”

“It was.” She sips at her tea and picks up the long discarded pen; absentmindedly doodling in the notebook as she speaks. “ It caused a lot of issues for him. It was pretty painful for him.”

“He still doesn’t like to talk about her.”

“It hurts. Even now. But he’s coming around. It’s not as hard for him anymore.”

“Is it true that grandpa used to beat on him? I heard him and Uncle Koen talking about it. A couple years ago. Dad seemed pretty upset. He normally doesn’t cry in front of anyone BUT you. He was kinda emotional.”

“It is true. Unfortunately. Your grandpa was a drunk and he was a narcissist and he hated his wife for having a child. It took the attention from him. Which I know sounds really weird and twisted. But that’s what happened. And when she was alive, he couldn’t stand her loving on your dad and spending time with him. So he took it out on her; beating her and saying mean things to her. Your dad used to have to listen. Sometimes grandpa would make your dad watch. Said it was to teach him how to ‘treat a woman’ and make them ‘learn their place.”

“I’m glad dad didn’t listen. For your sake. And his. I think you’d beat his ass if he ever did stuff like that to you.”

“I definitely would. And he knows it too. But, your dad isn’t like that. He isn’t the type to treat women like that. I know he has his issues, but THAT? He would never, ever, stoop to that level. It’s just not the kind of person he is.”

“Do you think that’s why dad DOES have the issues he does? The brain stuff? Because of how he got treated as a kid?”

“I don’t think it’s the only reason why, but it definitely added to it. You’ve been asking a lot of questions lately. About mental health stuff. What’s going on? You’re ten. You don’t need to worry about this. Your dad is fine. He’s doing great. A lot better than anyone thought he would. So why…?”

“I gave him shit,” TJ says, then gives an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I mean ‘crap’. I gave him crap.”

“You gave your dad crap about something? That’s pretty bold. What did he do that pissed you off?

“ I told him it was wrong. That he went away. To work. That he shouldn’t have gone.”

“TJ, why would you…?”

“You wouldn’t have done it. Given him crap for it. And I know you wanted to. I know you lied. When you told him you were okay with it. You didn’t tell him the truth, mum. You just told him what he wanted to hear.”

“Sometimes we do that,” Esme reluctantly admits. “When we love someone and we don’t want to ruffle feathers. Your dad’s come a long way. He used to be gone all the time. He was off doing jobs more than he was home with us. And I know you probably don’t remember all of that because you were so young; the missed birthdays and anniversaries. The time he couldn’t get home for Christmas. You were only three, but…”

“I was little but I DO remember. And you always acted like you were okay with it. But then he’d leave and you’d be a wreck. Just like you were this time.”

“I wasn’t a wreck. I was nervous and I was worried and…”

“Mum, you don’t have to lie to me. I heard you crying. When you thought all of us were asleep. I KNOW you were having a bad time. With dad being gone.”

“You know what? You’re right. I was. Normally I’m okay with it; I can handle him going away as long as he stays out of harm's way. But knowing he’d walked into it? It DID bother me. That he’d been so willing to help out Anil. Especially after what happened the last time he went and got his hands dirty.”

“Then why didn’t you just tell him that? That you didn’t want him doing it? That you didn’t want him going away?”

“It’s not that easy, TJ. Sometimes it’s not my place. I can’t actually tell him what he can’t and can’t do. In the same way he can’t do that with me. And when Anil called and said he needed the help…”

“He should have said no. Anil knows tons of people. Why did he need dad? He could have called someone else.”

“Your dad is very good at what he does. Or what he DID do. One of the best. And I know it sounds strange; to be proud of a job like that. To be so willing to put your life on the line for people you don’t even know. But when Anil called and needed his help, your dad couldn’t exactly say no.”

“Yes, he could have,” TJ insists. “He promised. That he’d never go away again. That he’d never go back out there after the bad guys. He promised ALL of us. And totally broke that.”

“Sometimes it happens. Sometimes he can’t help it. Sometimes…”

“Stop making excuses for him. When one of us screws up, you don’t let us give you excuses. So why do you let dad give them? There’s no reason he had to go. At all. He should have told Anil to get someone else.”

“You know, we are going to have to agree to disagree on this. I said it was okay. If he went. There’s nothing more to talk about. So let’s just drop this, okay? You don’t know what’s talked about; between your dad and I. We keep you guys out of it. For reasons exactly like this.”

“You lied to dad. When you told him you were okay with it. You weren’t. You were far from okay. And I told him that. That you had a really hard time. That you didn’t deserve to go through that. It’s not fair, mummy. That he goes and does stuff like that. I don’t care that Anil needed. WE need him. Us kids. He’s our dad. What happens if he gets killed? Then we have no dad.”

“That’s not going to happen. He’s not going to get killed.”

“He will if he keeps doing stupid shit like this. You should just be honest with him. Tell him how you really feel about him going away. ‘Cause if he thinks it’s okay, he’s going to keep doing it more and more. And then something really bad is going to happen. Worse than last time. And I don’t want that. I don’t want him going away and…” TJ’s voice cracks with emotion. “...I don’t want him going away and never coming home.”

“Tyler...hey…” she lays a hand on the side of his face “...it’s okay...just take a breath and…”

“It’s not okay. It’s never been okay. It’s never going to be okay. And if he goes away and something happens to him, I’ll hate him forever. If something bad happens to him and he never comes back, I’ll never forgive him. For doing that to us. For doing that to you.”

“Okay, I know you’re upset. And I love you so much for wanting to protect me. But right now, you just need to calm down and take it easy, alright? I know you’re going through a lot. I know puberty is starting to come and kick your ass and it’s making everything seem so much worse and…”

“Just tell him,” TJ implores, and noisily sniffles before wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie. “Just tell him you don’t want him to go. Tell him, mummy. So he doesn’t think it’s okay to leave again. Because he’ll go and something horrible will happen. And then we don’t have a dad. And we’ll barely have a mum. ‘Cause it’ll kill you. If something goes wrong and he doesn’t come back.”

“You need to to just breathe, Baby-Man,” she steps in front of him and takes his face in her hands. “ Just breathe. Everything is alright. Daddy’s home and he’s safe and he’s not going anywhere. It was just this one time. He won’t have to do that again.”

“You need to tell him. That you don’t want him going. Please, mummy. Please tell him.”

“Okay,” she promises, and draws him into a hug. Heart aching at the realization that her arms can no longer completely wrap around him; shoulders and back both broad and strong. “Everything’s alright, TJ.” She lays a hand on the back of his head and draws it down to her shoulder, the other rubbing his back comfortingly. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him how I feel; about him going away. About how ALL of us feel. Alright?”

He nods.

“Why don’t you go and get some fresh air,” she suggests. “It will make you feel better.”

“You promise you’ll talk to him?”

“I promise.” She presses a kiss to his cheek, then holds him out at arms length. “Maybe afterwards we can take the littles for a walk? You know how much Takota loves when you pull him in the sled. It’ll be good; to go and get a bit of exercise. Sound like a plan?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“You are getting so big. How do you grow up so fast? I remember finding out about you and your brother. I remember when you were born. All seven pounds of you. Now look. In a month's time, you WILL be taller than me. You’re already wearing mens size nine shoes. You’re TEN.”

“That’s what happens when your dad’s a giant, I guess.”

“You used to always call him that when you were little. You’d tell everyone that your dad was a giant. He probably seemed that way, huh? Probably seemed ten feet tall and bulletproof.”

“He still does. Well, maybe not the bullet proof part. We know THAT’S not true.”

“I know it bothers you. What happened back then. I know it’s not an easy thing to get over. That you came so close to losing him. And I’m sorry. That you had to go through all of that. I really am. If there was any way to go back and time and change it, I would. In a heartbeat. You know that, right?”

“I do, mummy.”

“Your dad loves you so much, TJ. You have no idea HOW much. When you were born and the doctor gave you to him? I’ve never seen him THAT emotional. Not even with Millie and she was his very first. After Austin. And he cried like a baby when he got to hold her. But you? I can’t even begin to describe what that was like for him. A son. After losing his first one. He was so happy and so in love with you. And that’s never changed. It never will.”

“I just don’t want to lose him. I don't know why he even takes the chance. Why does he go knowing that he might not come back? Doesn’t he love us enough to stay home?”

“Of course he does. And I WILL talk to him. Just cut him some slack, okay? The last five years haven’t been easy on him either. And he’s done so well. Better than anyone thought he would. But it’s a process; dealing with everything in his past and letting it go. So just give him a chance, alright? Can you do that? For me?”

“For you, yeah.”

“You’re such a good boy. I love you so much. More than I could ever tell you. And you ARE so much like your dad. And that’s a good thing.” She places one last kiss on his cheek and draws him into another hug. “A very good thing.”

******

The front door clicking open and a familiar Louisiana drawl calling out a greeting sets off a flurry of commotion; a mixture of both heavy and light footsteps pounding down the stairs, dogs scampering and barking, excited giggles and happy shrieks and rambling sentences in tiny voices. The kids have all become quite fond of Desmond (Desi, or Des, as Esme lovingly refers to him as) in their three years of spending time in New York City. A former University of Alabama football star, he’d found himself relocating when he’d met a very wealthy -and very much older- sports agent a decade ago; abandoning his dreams of playing profession in favour of a new existence in a new city. His husband -and admittedly the love of his life- had passed away just over a year ago. Leaving him with the elegantly and fabulously decorated brownstone in Gramercy, a small fleet of high end cars, closets full of designer apparel, and a bank account that will never run dry. He’s an enormous man; six foot seven and weighing close to three hundred pounds, most of solid muscle. Intimidating at first blush, but a complete teddy bear; compassionate and empathetic and possessing a heart even bigger than his body. And he’s hilarious and flamboyant; zero filter, exceptional taste in clothes, a love for expensive cosmetics and considerable talent in applying them, and a penchant for anything sparkly.

“You realize your front door was unlocked, don’t you?” Desi inquires as he journeys into the kitchen; monstrous hands curled around a giggling Takota’s ankles as he dangles him upside down. “Any wackadoodle could just walk in here. I know this is Gramercy Park, but it’s STILL The Big Apple. This isn’t the safe and quiet little sparrow fart town in Australia you call home. Where all you have to worry about is kangaroos and koalas and spiders the size of dinner plates.”

“I’ll have you know that koalas can be very sketchy; we have one in the tree in the front yard that hisses and spits and throws shit at you.”

“Jack!” Takota reminds her in between hiccups. “His name is Jack!”

“Well Jack is an asshole and he needs to relocate,” she says, and pats him on the bum and squeezes the cheeks; fingers moving to his sides and tickling him until both the giggles and the hiccups increase. “And it’s the dingos you have to worry about. They’re mean.”

“Dingos eat bad girls and boys,” Takota says, smoothing down his hair and his shirt when he’s put on his feet. “That’s what daddy said.”

“If that was true, we’d only have two or three kids instead of seven. Go and play. So I can talk to Desi.”

“Talk to him about what?”

“Top secret adult only stuff. Here," She snags one of the sugary goodies from the container on the island and hands it to him. “We’re going to go out soon. For a little walk. Get some fresh air. Make sure you pee BEFORE we leave. I don’t want to get you all bundled up and then have you tell me you gotta go. Hear me?”

“I can’t make any promises mumma,” Takota says, and then pops the treats into his mouth and rushes off.

“That kid is way too cute for his own good,” Desi declares. “Gonna be a heartbreaker, you know. Like his mom.”

“For the record, I’ve never broken any hearts. Well, except for the time in grade two when I didn’t want to be Freddie George’s Valentine. He just wasn’t my type; he smelled like tapioca and desperation.”

“You had a first husband, did you not? Must have broken his heart. Or you wouldn’t be on your second husband.”

“My first husband broke my jaw, my nose, more than one rib, and put me in the ICU. He’s lucky it’s only his heart that got ripped out. And what’s up with that hat?” She gestures towards the fedora atop her friend’s head. “You look like a pimp.”

“If I was a pimp, you, my little ho…” he plucks the hat from his head and places it upon hers. “...would be better dressed.”

“What is wrong with how I’m dressed? I dress like this all the time.”

“And you’re still married? Is he blind or did he hit his head too hard one too many times or…?”

“I’ll have you know, my husband doesn’t care about the packaging. Just what’s underneath. Case in point, I once bought this really nice and quite expensive baby doll nightie; totally vintage and gorgeous and this shimmering black and pink. I don’t think he even noticed. It took him like five seconds to get it off me. IF that. He does not give a shit about the wrapping paper. Just the gift that’s underneath.”

“And you, my cute, teeny little munchkin, are the gift that keeps on giving. And you must give VERY well. Seven kids and all. But baggy sweat pants and a huge tee and a way too big Quicksilver hoodie? Oh honey, no. Just no. No, no, nooo.”

“If it makes you feel any better, these sweats are Fendi.”

“That does NOT change the fact they are joggers and you should NOT be wearing joggers on the streets of New York City. You lived here before; has your little, beautiful brain forgotten what it’s like to dress here? We need to get you some retail therapy with old Desi. He’ll hook you up. A little refinement, a little sophistication, a little bling. I got you, girl.”

“Your idea of a little bling is a ten thousand dollar belt you tried to talk me into buying last year. Where would I wear a ten thousand dollar belt?”

“I don’t care if you use it in the bedroom. If your husband resorts to employing it to trap you to the headboard or if he uses it to tie your hands behind your back. That belt was spectacular and you deserve spectacular. We WILL do this; a shopping trip. Chanel, Gucci, maybe some Ralph Lauren if we feel like slumming.”

“Where am I going to wear that type of stuff? I can’t wear Gucci while I’m cleaning out the goat pen or Chanel when I’m gutting a chicken coup. And I certainly can’t wear it out shopping.”

“Not to your favourite haunt no. Definitely out of place in Target.”

“There is nothing wrong with shopping at Target.”

“There is so much wrong with it. I’ll be here all day if we start.”

“Besides, we don’t have high falutin places like Gucci where I live, remember? You’ve been there.”

“Charming little place. Reminds me of some of the towns down south I used to hit up. But girl, you fill that closet of yours with the finest of apparel. Stick with me, I’ll treat you right. And speaking of being treated right, I got the appointment for you; Christmas Eve Eve, two o’clock Sally Hershberger.”

“You are a knight in shiny, blingy armor. You really DO have strings to pull.”

“I may have had to promise some good times...sexy good times...to the receptionist. But, that’s a small price to pay for you. I’m willing to take one for the team. Or should I say, give one for the team.”

“And as much as it's a dream of mine to go to Sally, and seeing how my hair really DOES need some TLC…”

“Oh no. No. Hell no. There’s a but coming. And Desmond Brownell does not like buts. Unless it’s Idris Elba’s. And your husband’s.”

“I don’t know if I can go through with it. Not the appointment; I can go through with THAT. But cutting my hair? As short as the picture I showed you?”

“Girl, are you crazy. You’d be a knockout with a cute little side swept bob. What drugs are you on? Not that you’re ugly or anything the way you are now. I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers or anything like that. But your hair...your whole mom thing with the constant ponytails or messy buns...it needs help. It’s screaming for help. Let me help it. Let me help YOU.”

“Just cutting it? THAT short. That’s not going to go over well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tyler is kind of old fashioned.”

“Old fashioned? You two spent five days banging right after you met. You got knocked up out of wedlock. He proposed in the bathroom. Nothing old fashioned about any of that.”

“When it comes to certain things, he’s very...particular. Especially when it comes to my hair. He likes it long. LOVES it long. I cut it up to my shoulders once and he bitched about it for TWO years. And let’s not get into when I got bangs or when I dyed it blonde.”

“I can’t say I blame him for the bangs thing. You’re way too cute and those big brown eyes do not deserve the attention taken away by fringe. But the bob...girl...that’s fierce. You’d rock it.”

“Maybe just some highlights. Some red ones. He did really like when I colored my hair red. I can get those, a trim, a blow out.”

“You can go to Cheapy Haircuts for Us for that nonsense. This is Sally Hershberger. You are not going to her and getting just a blowout or a trim or highlights. You are going big, or going home. The husband will deal. He’d love you with no hair. It’s no secret he thinks the sun shines out of your ass. Which, I have to admit, looks fabulous in Fendi sweats.”

“Why do you think he bought them? He knows what he’s doing. He bought them for the same reason he buys me yoga pants. And I don’t even do yoga.”

“He’s an ass man. I can appreciate that. And speaking of appreciate. Desmond Brownell would like to do some appreciating right about now. Is he home? The better half? Is he in there working out?” He casts a glance towards the home gym that sits off the kitchen. “More importantly, is he in there working out shirtless? ‘Cause if he is, I’ll gladly take him a glass of water so that fine ass specimen doesn’t get parched or dehydrated. I’ll even rub down those sore, beautiful muscles. I’ve got some very top shelf massage oil at home. Smells like pecan and coconut. Unless he’s more a citrusy type. If so, I can run to the store right quick.”

“First off, you’d traumatize him. He’s as straight as they come. I know that breaks your heart to hear it, but…”

“How does he know he’s straight if he’s never ventured out of straight-hood? Unless he has and didn’t like it….”

“He hasn’t tried it. He likes women. LOVES them actually. Maybe a little too much when he was younger. He is NOT bi. Sorry.”

“But I am. So are you. And you’re damn cute and he’d probably give it a try if you talked him into a threesome.”

“Yeah, right,” Esme laughs. “That would never happen.”

“Do right by your best friend. Or are you worried he’d leave you for me? What’s the old saying? Once you go black you never…”

“My husband is straight. Very straight. And no. He’s not working out. He’s not even home. He’s out with Tanner.”

“The breakfast date, that’s right. Little T couldn’t stop talking about that. Loves his daddy, that’s for sure. You know, that kid is damn talented. Those goodies brought over and that soup? Damnnn. Move over Emeril. Little T gonna set the world on fire.”

“He’s something else that kid. He’s...incredible. There aren’t even words that can properly describe him. But, he IS having issues.”

“Uh oh. I don’t like the sounds of that.”

“He’s bored. At school. And we specifically sent him there to challenge him. It’s been great. He’s been thriving and his grades are amazing and the teachers and the kids love him. But he’s so advanced and so smart that they’re going to run out of ways to teach him. Which means we’re going to run out of options for him. Which also means, I’m going to become a heavy drinker and eat my weight in these!” She nods down at the container of sweets in front of her and pops one into her mouth. “What are we going to do? There’s only so many options where we are.”

“Homeschool? You’ve got a degree. You’re smart. You can do it.”

“No, I can’t. I’ve got a business. Two businesses, actually. And six other kids. Besides, he is way smarter than I was at that age. He’s probably smarter than I am. What am I going to do? For him?”

“You know where there ARE a lot of options…”

“We are NOT moving here. Tyler would never survive. This place? New York City? It’s not him. And I have to think about that too. What’s also best for him. We’re happy where we are. Insanely happy. Moving here is not an option. No matter how much I miss you.”

“Guess you’ve got a lot of thinking and research to do. It’ll work out. Always does.”

“Have I mentioned how much I love your optimism? And how much I’ve missed you? Or how much I love you?"

“You can mention it as many times as you like. My ego likes that shit.” He takes her face in his hands and drops a kiss on the top of her head. “We still on for dinner tonight? I’m still bringing Italian? And the wine?”

“We’re still on. Tanner is going to make the salad and the garlic bread.”

“We gon’ be eating like damn kings.”

“Are we still on for the other thing? You know; the thing we talked about? When Tyler and I take the kids to pick out a tree?”

“I got you, don’t you worry. I will let myself in and grab the stuff from the attic and sneak out. I also got the email; that ‘thing’ for Addie arrived. You know what I’m talking about?”

“The doll? I didn’t think it would arrive in time. How does it look?”

“Exactly like her. Now, you want to get a head start on the wrapping? You know I love me some gift wrapping.”

“You can do whatever your little heart desires.”

A slow grin spreads across his face. “That is what I like to hear. Now, I’m going to the gym. There’s a Latino hottie there I’ve been trying to talk up for weeks. You behave. Stay out of the wine. At least until later.”

“You gonna wear your ‘Bama t-shirt? The one that’s two sizes too small and shows off your muscles?”

“Sweetie pie, you don’ read my mind. But have you been checking out my muscles?”

“I have a ‘thing’ for muscles. And yours are very nice. Besides, I’m married. Not dead. Tyler’s going to be upset. That he’s not the only one you’re crushing on.”

“You just put his little mind at ease. Tell him he gives me the biggest woodie out of them all.”

“That’ll stroke his ego for sure. See you later? Six o’clock?”

“I’ll be here. With bells and bling on.” He presses a kiss to each of her cheeks and pulls her into a hug; tightly squeezing. “You’re just so wee and cute. I could just scoop you up and put you in my pocket. See you later, gator.” He removes the hat from her head, affectionately tousles her hair before heading out of the kitchen. “And do me a favour? Put proper clothes on for dinner. I can’t be dining with someone in sweats. Desmond Brownell has standards to uphold.”

“Desmond Brownwell needs to remember the cherry cheesecake for dessert.”

“Oh bless your heart. Thinking I need to be reminded. See ya, pip squeak.”

“You and you tall people. So cruel to us little folk.”

“Little folk?” He smirks. “You’re like one of those things in Lord of the Rings. A damn hobbit. Matter of fact, I’mma call you Frodo from now on.”

“You do that, I’ll sneak into your house and kill you in your sleep.”

Desmond laughs. “I’d like to see you try, short stuff. Later.”

“Later,” she calls, shaking her head and laughing when he hollers “Spawns of Satan; I be leaving now!” before stepping out the front door.

#Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction fan fiction

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shewritestheblues · 4 years

Text

The Elevator Bae - 12

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE (1 , 2 , 3) TEN ELEVEN

Erik Stevens x Black OC (Phoenix)

A/N: Next chapter is finally done. Excuse any typos. Appreciate the reads and love from you guys.

Word Count: 5k +

Being an Uncle and father figure to a four month old baby was like hitting the baby lotto. You could love the baby, buy the baby whatever they needed but the baby always went home. Well, that’s how TJ described it. He could be the father he knew he could be but without the 24/7 commitment. He loved it… way more than he thought he would. Since Luna was born, everyone’s home had turned into a baby playhouse. But TJ may have went overboard with toys, a swing and a ton of blankets to make sure his times with Luna were amazing.

Speaking of… Luna was on her way to his house. Coby and Phoenix had rehearsals for their tour and he agreed to watch her for the day. He had the day planned out. Car rides usually put Luna to sleep so he figured she’d still be asleep when she got there. She would nap for about an hour, she’ll enjoy a nice hearty bottle and they’ll turn up to some Baby Shark. The remix of course. At some point, Steph and Ken would show up and they’d all watch a Disney movie, trying to explain to Luna what was going on. Needless to say, this would be a good day with his favorite little human.

TJ rested on his couch when his doorbell rang. Luna was here! He didn’t even bother to check his doorbell camera. When he opened his front door, he wasn’t expecting to be looking at his long lost best friend. He clenched his jaw as a reaction to the anger he was now feeling. No words were exchanged. The two stared at each other. One looking for sympathy and the other looking for an explanation. TJ stepped aside and let his friend in.

Out of habit, Erik walked straight into the living room. TJ stopped just short of the couch. He watched as confusion stretched across Erik’s face. Erik turned to look at TJ. His mouth opened to speak but the sound of the doorbell cut him off.

“Shit.” TJ huffed. He rushed to the door. On the other side, Coby stood holding Luna’s car seat as she slept inside and a backpack diaper bag on his shoulder.

“Ain’t trying to drop and go man but I’m already late.” Coby says as he takes off the backpack, handing it to TJ. Coby catches TJ’s eye. Something wasn’t right. “You good, man?”

TJ motioned his head toward the home. Coby didn’t question it. He walked in and followed TJ into the living room. Coming face to face with Erik. He now understood why TJ was so tense.

“You gotta be fucking shitting me.” Coby barks. The booming of his voice scares Luna from her sleep and she starts crying. He sits the car seat down to unbuckle her. He cradled her to his chest, soothing her down. “I’m sorry, mama. I didn’t mean to yell.”

She cooed in his ear the more she settled down. Coby walked her over to her swing and turning it on low. He turned to TJ and Erik. He held his hands out, motioning for Erik to explain. The three of them sit and Erik begins to explain where he’s been and why he left. TJ knew about his Wakadan ties but it took more details for Coby to understand.

“You mean to tell me,” Coby started, “Phoenix knew about your jobs but you couldn’t even tell her about this? I highly doubt she would’ve gave a damn about your old flame. She deserved to know, E. We all deserved to know.”

“I know that now. I mean- I knew that then too but-- Y’all know Phoenix like I know her. She would’ve tried to convince me otherwise.”

“And why is that a bad thing?” TJ asked. “Didn’t you just say that you almost died? Was it worth it?”

“It wasn’t worth leaving her at all. But,” Erik paused. “The treatment I got after was.”

“So, you finally got the therapy I’ve been telling yo’ dumbass you needed for years.” TJ scoffs. “It just took a little stabby stab to the heart.” he says sarcastically.

That made Coby laugh. His phone started ringing in his pocket and when he checked to see who was calling, it was Phoenix. He jumped up and made his way to the hallway to take the call.

TJ looks over to Erik. Erik’s eyes were on Luna. She had fallen asleep in the swing as they all talked. “She doesn't seem real does she?” he asked. Erik simply shook his head No.

TJ goes over to Luna and picks her up. She stirs and begins to wake up. TJ bounces her as she fusses a little. “Hey, baby girl.” He sits her up on his arm, pointing to Erik. “Your daddy here.”

Erik straighten up on the couch as TJ walked over to him, handing him Luna. The smile that crept up on Erik’s face was contagious and Luna couldn’t help but smile back at him. Coby popped his head into the room and called for TJ. He left Erik to bond with his daughter.

“That was Phoenix.” Coby’s voice was low as he spoke. “She’s pissed.”

“You told her Erik’s here?”

“Hell nah! I told her something came up. But--”

“Yeah, we gotta tell her.” TJ shook his head.

“Yeah…” Coby paused, “She needs to know ASAP.”

The sounds of Luna’s dramatic cooing caught their ears as they discussed a plan to break the news to Phoenix. They made their way back to the living room to find Erik and Luna giggling. She was laid on his chest with one hand gripping the hair of his beard and the other waving in the air. Erik was blowing kisses on her cheeks. It was like they knew each other all along. Erik couldn’t deny the warmth in his heart looking at his seed. She was a spitting image of him. Having kids was something that never crossed Erik’s mind. He loved doing what made babies but Erik thought of himself as ‘too selfish’ to be anybody’s father. But this… this was way better than anything he could ever imagine. He met this baby an hour ago and already loved her more than he loved himself.

-----

After talking to Coby, Phoenix headed home to calm down. She was already exhausted from all of the work they had been putting in to prepare for their tour and this had sent her over the edge. Sis needed a nap and she’d be damned if she didn’t take advantage of rehearsals being canceled. She wasn’t sleep long before someone knocked twice on her bedroom door.

It’s Coby. He looked concerned.

“I’m sorry to wake you, but uh, need to talk to you.” he stood by the side of her bed. She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eye. He could see the exhaustion all over her. He really did feel bad for waking her. But this was important and it was best for this to come out now rather than later. Coby would be a dead man if Phoenix found out later about Erik’s return and Coby knew.

“I need you to come downstairs.”

Phoenix cut her eye at him. “For what?”

“Phoenix, I’m really not trying to fight with you.”

“I’m not trying to fight either. I’m trying to sleep.”

They both let out deep breathes.

“It’s really important, Philly. I need you to come downstairs.”

Phoenix’s eyes go big. “Where’s Luna!” she jumped up from the bed. Coby grabbed her before she went flying out of the room.

“Luna is fine. Ava has her. It’s um,” he hesitated. Debating if he should just tell her. “It’s about Erik.”

Phoenix took a step back, searching his eyes. Her breathing picked up and her mind traveled to the worse case scenario. Coby was breaking the news that Erik was dead. She just knew it. She rushed passed him, going downstairs. Coby chased after her.

“Phoenix!” he called to her.

She was quick on her feet. She ran downstairs on the hunt for Luna and Ava. As she made her way to the kitchen, Coby grabbed her arm pulling her back near the staircase.

“Phoenix! C’mere.”

“I just want my baby, Coby.”

“I need you to listen to me. Okay?” he gripped her shoulders. He could see the tears already threatening to fall. Phoenix could see movement outside the frosted windows on both sides of the front door. She pulled away from Coby and quickly ran to the door, swinging it open. She lost her breath as her eyes landed on him. Erik stood down on the walkway and TJ stood before him, closer to the door. She was speechless. Tears poured down her face. TJ stepped aside as she slowly began walking toward Erik. Gloss covered his eyes as he watched her come to him. He didn’t know what to do or what to say. He parted his lips but nothing came out. His body became tense and hands shook. He didn’t even catch her fist coming at him. Not once but twice. She gave him a two piece combo to the face. He stumbles back, holding his face. TJ rushed to grab her.

“Philly!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she yelled. She broke free from TJ’s hold, swinging to hit Erik again. This time he dogged her fist.

“Phoenix…” his voice low and desperate.

“Fuck you, Erik!” TJ and Coby struggle to grab hold of Phoenix as she swings at her target. Coby scoops her up from behind and Phoenix kicks her feet up, jabbing Erik right in the chest. “You piece of shit. I HATE YOU!”

I Hate You! the three words that Erik feared hearing the most. “Phoenix, please. Can you just talk to me?” he pleaded.

“Fuck You! You left me!”

Coby has a death grip on Phoenix, making sure he doesn’t lose her. He tries to get her back into the house. Ava is approaching with Luna to see what in the hell is going on. All she could see as she comes closer to the door is a screaming and kicking Phoenix. When she looks through the door and sees Erik, she fully understands. “What the fuck is he doing here?” she spat.

The loud commotion is too much for baby Luna. She is screaming just as loud as Phoenix.

“Go back in the house, Ava. Take her back in the house.” Coby demands. Ava doesn’t listen. She continues to protest against Erik’s presence.

“This nigga can’t be serious. Where the fuck have you been Erik?”

None of this is going how any of the men hoped. They discussed this plan at TJ house and figured it would go a lot smoother than this. They wanted to bring Phoenix downstairs and Coby would break the news before allowing TJ to bring Erik in and he would tell his side of the story. This was a nightmare. There’s tears, screams and punches being thrown and everyone involved was overwhelmed.

Coby manages to get Phoenix into the house. She fights him. She wants him to let her go so she can finish releasing this ass whooping onto Erik. He deserved it, she thought. How dare he leave her without a trace and be gone for a year.

TJ pulled Erik back to the car. “C’mon man. This ain’t working.”

“Nah, fuck that. I’m not leaving here without talking to her.”

“She just busted your fucking lip, bro. She ain’t trying to talk to you.”

Erik wipes the small bits of blood from his lip. “Fuck!” he yells out.

“Aye, get in the car man. I’ma figure this out.” TJ goes back toward the house. When he opens the door, he finds Coby still taking hits from Phoenix and now Ava was tag teaming him with her own harsh words. Coby was doing his best at keeping his cool with two women yelling at him over a screaming baby.

Coby grabs Phoenix’s hands after her last push made him stumble back a bit. “Chill the fuck out. I know you mad--”

“Mad? Fuck mad! I’m pissed, Coby. Where has this nigga been? FOR A YEAR?” Phoenix added emphasis on her last three words.

“And why did you bring his ass here? Was that smart to you?” Ava added.

Coby cut his eye at Ava. TJ tries to grab Luna from Ava’s arms but she stopped him. “No. You can get the fuck on too. That’s your boy. I know you knew about this.”

“No I didn’t.”

“He found out five minutes before I did. Chill.” Coby interjected. He had lost his patience with all the yelling. “Both of yall need to shut the hell up and listen.”

The women were taken aback by this. So much so, they actually were silent and listening as Coby continued. “The nigga told me and TJ everything and we both agreed it was best to bring him straight to you. Or would you rather have this nigga be back for days and I knew and didn’t tell you.”

Phoenix couldn’t look at Coby. She knew he was right. “Yeah. I would’ve been pissed.”

“Nah, I’m not buying it.” Ava says. “Where has he been?”

TJ let out a deep, agitated breath. “He went to his home country.”

“Home country?” Ava questions. She looks at Phoenix. “This nigga ain’t from here? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Ava, stop.” Phoenix takes Luna from Ava. Luna’s cries calm down but her lips are still turned down in a frown. Phoenix rocks her and rubs her baby’s head. “I need a minute.”

Phoenix walks away, leaving Coby, Ava and TJ to watch her fade away up the stairs with Luna. Moments later, they hear her bedroom door slam.

Before Ava could get out whatever crazy thing she was about to say, Coby shook his head. “Nope. Don’t you say shit. Don’t say nothing for the rest of the day. If I hear you say one more word today, you will be sleeping on the couch. I am not playing with you. Ol’ yelling ass.”

Ava just stood there with her mouth open in shock. She closed her mouth and stormed up the stairs, mumbling under her breath. “He got me messed up. If I wanna talk, I bet I do that.”

TJ tries to hold back his laughter. Coby drags his hands over his face. Their eyes meet. “Do me a favor,” Coby says, “Don’t ever give your house up to two women and a baby. You will lose every time. This not even my house no more. I’m a guest.”

TJ couldn’t hold it in any longer and let his laughter ring out. Coby joined him.

“Only woman allowed on my property is Luna.”

“By the time she hits five, I bet you change your mind.” Coby huffed out a deep sigh. “But yeah man, seems like Philly got all of her knuckle sandwiches out so I’m gonna talk to her. Try to get her to talk Erik’s goofy ass.”

“Alright. I have to go get this big nigga some bandaids. Phoenix just gave him a good Detroit ass whooping.”

They both fall over in laughter.

“She did bust his shit.”

“Alright man, you play too much.” TJ gives Coby the ‘nigga handshake’ and heads out the door.

Coby wanted the energy in the house to settle a lot more before talking about Erik again. He went into his studio and decided this was the safest place in the house for him to be.

---------

Hours had gone by and Coby was still in the studio. The door creaked open and Phoenix slid inside with a plate of food. Coby didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure if he should.

“Hey.” Phoenix sat down next to him. She held the plate out like it was a peace offering. He smiled at her and took the plate. “Ava said you told her not to talk so she said she wasn’t bring yo’ ass no food.” she ended her words with a soft smile.

Coby looked Phoenix over. He could tell she did more crying after going to her room. Her eyes were puffy and her nose still slightly red. “Yeah, she be talking too much.”

“You know Ava.” Phoenix shrugged. She looked around as if she’s never seen the studio before. She wanted to say something… or ask something. Coby dug into his dinner while he waited for her to just say what was on her mind.

“So,” she started, “How is he?” Her eyes finally met his.

“He’s good. Despite what he’s been through.”

“What happened?”

“Honestly, Philly, I think you should just talk to him.”

Phoenix shook her head. “I wanna hear it from you. I have to, Coby. Please.” she sounded desperate.

Coby sat back in thought. “If I tell you, you have to promise me that at some point, you’ll go talk to him yourself.”

“Okay.”

----------

The next day, Phoenix struggled getting out of bed. She didn’t get much sleep the night before. Her brain kept going over what Coby told her happened with Erik. She was definitely still pissed that he left with no warning but parts of her were hurting. He had told her about his dad being killed by the ‘paws’ of his brother but she didn’t know about his mom. Erik mentioned being royalty and how Wakanda was way more advanced than they lead the world to believe but if we’re being honest, Phoenix thought he was being a bit dramatic. She still didn’t regret whooping on him and she didn’t regret how she felt. She just had more feelings than before. She had promised to talk to him but she needed to talk to someone else first.

Phoenix texted her therapist.

Phoenix: Good Morning Dr. McKee. Do you have any sessions open today?

Dr. McKee texted back within minutes.

Dr. McKee: Good Morning Phoenix. Yes. I have an hour open at 1:00. Is everything okay?

Phoenix: … Erik’s back.

--------

Phoenix struggled with finding the words to answer Dr. McKee’s questions. Was she mad that Erik came back? How does his return change things? She wasn’t sure how to feel about the feelings coming up with those questions.

“I’m… I’m not mad. I wanted him to come back. I guess, I just didn’t think he would. I told myself he wouldn’t. I pushed through that shit and my life is back on track.”

“Do you think him being back will throw you off track again?” Dr. McKee asks so casually.

“I--I don’t know.”

“Do you think this could be about Luna?”

Phoenix looks up at Dr. McKee. Her therapist always had a way of saying things that Phoenix was thinking but wasn’t sure about saying.

“I can’t let Erik do this to her. He can’t make my baby love him and then just leave her. I can take it. But not her.”

Dr. McKee wrote down some notes. “Let’s talk about that. How can Erik’s return change things for you and Luna.”

“Okay,” Phoenix adjusted her position on the couch. “I had to relearn my life without him while growing his child at the same time. I had to tell myself that my baby can’t be punished for what he did. My entire pregnancy I had to battle those feelings. Will I love my baby? Will I hate my baby? Will she be just like him? Will she get older and leave me too?” Phoenix covered her face with her hands. “Luna is my baby. That little girl is my life. When she was born and I looked at her… I didn’t even think about Erik. My first thought was, how can I give this little human the world? After seeing Erik yesterday, I look at Luna and I think, how am I going to protect her?”

“Remember what I told you, Phoenix. Mother’s always figure it out.”

--------

Phoenix looked at the text from Coby, almost biting blood from her bottom lip. After therapy, she asked him for Erik’s number. She promised him she’d try to talk to Erik. She had just promised her therapist too. Nervous was an understatement. Her palms were so sweaty, they dripped onto the back of her sleeping infant laying her chest. Just do it already, she thought to herself.

Phoenix: Hey, this is Phoenix. Are you available to talk some time today?

The moment she hit send, she closed her eyes shut. She wasn’t expecting him to respond as fast as he did. She was shocked when her phone vibrated seconds later.

Erik: yes.

She wrecked her brain trying to come up with something to say back. Talking to Erik use to be so easy and fun and now it felt forced and tense. He texted her again with an address. She copied it into google and a beautiful, luxurious apartment building popped up. This one was 10x better than the one they lived in before. She was kind of curious on how in the hell he was able to get a nice place like this in less than 24 hours. But that wasn’t any of her business right now. She needed to get up to go meet up with him.

Phoenix packed Luna’s diaper bag and began her journey to Erik’s. The ride seemed way longer than it actually was. Phoenix focused on taking deep breaths the entire way. She kept feeling as if she would have a panic attack. Her heart was pounding fast and her stomach was in knots.

When she arrived, Phoenix sat in her car, parked for a moment. She took this moment to go over everything she wanted to say to Erik one last time before it was show time. She got Luna from the backseat and laid her in her stroller and made her way through the front doors of the building. She stood around looking before she realized that she didn’t even know what floor she was going to. She called Erik.

“Hello?” his voice was raspy. Like maybe he was sleeping or just really relaxed. The familiar sound brought back memories.

“Hey, uh, I’m here. I’m inside near the leasing office.”

She could hear him clearing his throat. There were faint voices in the background. “Okay. I’m coming down to get you.”

“Okay.” she hung up. Who else could be up there?

--------

Phoenix was so caught up in giggling with Luna that she didn’t even notice Erik approach her.

“Phoenix?”

She looked up, almost shocked that someone would be calling her name. She snapped back into reality when she saw him. This time she actually looked at him. His dreads were longer, pulled back into a ponytail. His beard was fuller and he wore those signature gold frames. He looked bigger and she really didn’t think his buff ass could get any bigger than he was before.

“Hey, sorry. It’s her world. I just live in it.”

“It’s fine.” He looks down at Luna who is chewing away at her little fist. She’s making the cutest little sounds that make Erik smile. “C’mon.”

She begins pushing the stroller and Erik offers to push it for her. She allowed him to do so. She followed him to the large elevators. The doors opened immediately after Erik pushed the call button. They were the only ones to step inside. As the doors shut, Luna’s babbling filled the cabin, killing off some of the awkwardness that rested between her parents.

“Seems like she has a lot to say.” Erik says.

“Oh you have no idea. This is how she whispers.”

Both of them had to laugh at that. For a moment, things felt normal. Like how they use to be. Just then Luna let out a playful scream.

“Spoke too soon.” Erik laughs.

The doors open directly into a beautiful, fully furnished penthouse apartment. Erik pushed the stroller into the foyer and Phoenix follows. Voices were coming from the kitchen and before Phoenix knew it, a young girl was storming in, all smiles.

“Hi. You must be Phoenix. I’m Shuri.”

Phoenix wasn’t sure how to react. “Hi,” she nervously said. “Yeah, I’m Phoenix.” She looked to Erik for an explanation.

He looked annoyed. “This is my cousin.”

“Your cousin?”

“Hello, Phoenix.” T’Challa came around from the kitchen, greeting her. “Nice to officially meet you. I’m T’Challa.”

Shocked, her eyes grew wide and her mouth became dry. “T’Challa? As in King T’Challa?”

“Yes.” he grabbed her hand, kissing the back of it.

“Hi…”

“Alright,” Erik interjected. “Enough of all that shit.” he cut his eye at T’Challa who smirked at him. T’Challa found his jealousy amusing.

Shuri was making faces at Luna which had Luna giggling very loudly. “Oh my Bast. She’s so cute. Can I hold her?” Shuri looked between Erik and Phoenix. Erik looks to Phoenix.

“Yeah, sure.” Phoenix was a bit hesitant but agreed. Shuri looked way too excited and she wouldn’t be the one to kill the young princess’s dreams. She unbuckled Luna from her stroller and carefully handed her to Shuri. Phoenix fished for a bottle from the diaper bag. “She may be hungry. Just in case.”

Shuri retreated into an area that Phoenix couldn’t see but she wanted to trust that her baby would be okay. She fidgeted with her fingers. T’Challa took notice.

“She’ll be fine. Shuri loves babies.”

Phoenix nodded and took in a calming breath. She looked at Erik. The look in his eyes confirmed what T’Challa said. Luna would be okay.

“I’ll let you two talk. I’ll keep an eye on Shuri and Luna.” T’Challa disappeared around the same wall as Shuri.

Erik lead them into his living room. Phoenix took in all of the dark interior. This place was a lot different than his old penthouse. He had dark wooden floors. Mostly black and dark grey furniture. His walls were grey. Everything about this place was more cool and calm. Maybe this place was a way to reflect his mood now. There wasn’t any flashy art pieces. She knew the furniture and decor was expensive because Erik liked expensive things but you couldn’t tell. This space was way more ‘homey’ and she liked it.

They were both silent for the first few seconds of sitting on the couch. Erik cleared his throat and began to speak when Phoenix cut him off.

“I don’t hate you.” She watched his expression change. He relaxed a bit at her words. “I hate what you did. I hate how you did it. So, um, sorry for that. I was mad. But,” she paused, “I’m not sorry for hitting you. I meant that shit. If I could’ve knocked yo’ ass out, I would have.”

She could see that he was thinking of something smart to say. She gave him a challenging look, trying to gage if he would actually say what was on his mind. He didn’t. This wasn’t the time for smart remarks. He just blinked at her and nodded.

“I’m sorry, Phoenix. For all of it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I owe you the whole truth, so I’m going to give you that.” Erik rubbed his palms on his jeans. “The closer we got, the more I realized that I was falling in love with you, the more I stopped giving a fuck about Wakanda. You had become everything that I needed. I was losing the desire to ever go there. I didn’t tell you but I actually didn’t plan on doing anymore missions. You were planning your tour and I wanted-- I needed to be there. I needed to be everywhere that you were. So, when I got the phone call about a job that I knew would lead me to Wakanda, I thought it was a sign. A reminder that I fell off track. Telling you would mean making a choice.”

“A choice? About what?” Phoenix questioned.

“Deciding what life I wanted. To hold on to my old one or let go of that and fully step into my new one. I loved my life with you but there was a part of me that felt like I was betraying myself. All of the shit I did to get to Wakanda would’ve been for nothing. All of the lives.” he whispered that last part. “I thought I could do both. Go after what I worked so hard for and when that was done, I could still have you. I didn’t, for one moment, think it would turn out like this.”

Phoenix didn’t have any words. She just watched him and studied the different emotions dance in his eyes.

“I thought about you every single day. I asked about you. But… they wouldn’t tell me anything. At first anyway. I went through death and a lot of therapy. I needed that shit though. So I guess, through all the bullshit some good came of it. I’m not same Erik I was before.”

“I can tell.”

Erik was grateful that she could see his progress.

“Like I said, E, I hate that you left me. That shit hurt. Only to find out that I’m pregnant.” Phoenix stopped. Tears threatened to fall but she held them in. “I didn’t want her. I didn’t want anything that would remind me of you. I wanted an abortion.”

Hurt flashed across Erik’s face. She continued, “but something… maybe God, I don’t know. But, I didn’t. She ended up being everything I needed to get up everyday.”

Silence sat between them for a moment.

“I still love you, Phoenix.”

Erik’s words caught her off guard.

“And believe it or not, I’m already head over heels for Luna.”

Phoenix smiles softly. “It’s kinda hard to not love that little nugget.”

Phoenix’s phone starts to ring. It’s Alyssa. She answers. Erik waits nervously for her to end her call. Phoenix huffed has she pressed the red button.

“I’m sorry. Me and Coby have rehearsals and I have to get Luna to the babysitter.”

“Babysitter?”

Phoenix stares blankly at Erik. She was confused. “Yea…”

“You’re not comfortable with her staying with me?”

She understood now. “Oh, uh, I--”

“No pressure. I get it. I’m new here.”

“No, Erik. I didn’t-- I think it would be good for you to keep her. I’m sorry.”

“Phoenix.” he grabbed both her hands. Her palms were sweaty. They’d always get sweaty when she was anxious. “Calm down. I didn’t take offense to it. I get it. I just got back in here.” he smiled at her. “I would love to spend some time with my daughter.”

‘My daughter.’ Those two words sent a wave of tenderness through Phoenix. The person that she shares this daughter with is here. Finally. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t relieved to finally share this moment with him. This was all she wanted. For the three of them to be together. To have moments like this. Him spending time with Luna while she worked. Them being together, being some kind of a family.

“Okay.” she stood, “I’ll come get her when I’m done.”

“Nah, I’ll bring her home. I wanna get as much time as I can.”

Erik walked Phoenix to the doors of the elevator.

“Wait,” she turned to him. “You don’t have a car seat.”

The dimples Phoenix didn’t realize she missed so much popped into Erik’s cheeks. “I can get a car seat, Philly. I got this, okay?”

“Okay, but I need to say goodbye to her.”

Erik called Shuri to bring Luna. Phoenix covered Luna’s face in kisses. Erik instantly fell in love with the sight of the love of his life and his daughter having such a beautiful moment. This was his choice. This is the life he wanted. There wasn’t anything else he wanted but them. He felt good about their talk and about how the future could look for them. Phoenix handed Luna to Erik and he watched as the elevator doors closed and she was off to rehearsals. For the next few hours, he would get to know his beautiful baby girl.

---------

It was late when Phoenix and Coby finished rehearsals. They had finally reached an agreement on how their set would go from start to finish. It took a lot longer than they had expected. Phoenix sent Erik updates on what time she’d be home for him to bring Luna home.

During her time rehearsing and her drive home, she found her mind drifting off. She would be thinking about Erik, Luna and how things would be now that he’s back. She felt better after their talk but there was still something weighing on her. He hurt her. He hurt in ways she never imagined was real. She’d been doing well in therapy but him coming back, opened so many wounds. He apologized but the pain just didn’t subside the way she thought it would. It was like it was as fresh as the day he left. This wasn’t something she could just let go. She couldn’t picture a future with Erik like this.

Erik called her to inform her that he was outside with Luna and she met him at the door. The smile on his face as he approached the door made her soul ache because she knew it wouldn’t last.

She took Luna and held the door for Erik as he carried her stroller in.

“Hey, E. Can we talk?” she motioned her head to the living room area.

“Yeah.” he followed her and they took a seat.

Phoenix placed some loving kisses on Luna’s sleeping face. She was stalling and Erik knew it. He eyed her carefully trying to read what she was thinking.

“What’s up Phoenix?”

She finally looked at him. She took a few slow breaths bracing herself for what she had to tell him.

“Um… I was thinking. I really appreciate everything you said earlier.” she tried to push a smile to ease the sting that was coming. “And I want you to know that I still love you too. But…”

Erik could feel his chest sinking. He looked away from her. His eyes burned a hole in the floor.

“I can’t. I want nothing for us but to put this behind us and be a family but this hurts. Seeing you standing outside after a year just took me back to the day you left me. That shit broke me, E. It’s hard to look at you.”

The sniffle that Phoenix heard from Erik let her know that he was crying. His head still hung low, eyes on the ground. He wouldn’t let her see him cry. Not like this.

“I’m sorry Erik. I just want us to focus on Luna. Get us a schedule for her. Work something out for my tour. She’s the priority.”

“That’s cool.” Erik stood up.

“Erik…” she held Luna into her chest and stood after him.

He wiped a hand over her face. “I understand Phoenix. I do. We can talk tomorrow about when I can get her.”

He left out the front door. Phoenix watched him get into his car and pull out of the driveway. It was hard to do but she knew it was for the best.

----

Tags: @shaekingshitup @purple-apricots @abeautifulmindexposed @lostennyc @tip222u @janelledarling @lushloaded @chaneajoyyy @thadelightfulone @raysunshine78 @toniilaney @purpleskiesxhopefuldreams @elaindeereads @lyniya @fd-writes @mygirlrenee @ajspencer1892 @yoyolovesbucky @greatpandagladiator-blog @shanyphantom @sinfully-dope @dessianna1 @ljstraightnochaser @alexundefined @elaindeereads @tgigoldie @soufcakmistress @ohliyaxoxo @steampunkprincess147 @soulfxll @dangerous-history @itsjustshanie @keiva1000 @rbhp @ohliyaxoxo

#Erik Killmonger #erik killmonger x black oc #Erik Stevens #black panther fic #erik x phoenix #the elevator bae #shaebewriting #black panther

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athingthatwantsvirginia · 4 years

Text

Really, Marcia?

PART THRTY-FIVE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: mentions of parent death, mentions of anxiety, plentiful pop culture references, lack of dialogue because this is exposition and foreshadowing for the next chapter just hang in there with me friends

Word Count: 4.6K

Summary: Jess and Ella return to Stars Hollow once again during graduation season.

Dropping the bags again in the apartment above Luke’s almost made Ella want to laugh out loud. Maybe she shouldn’t have made such a big deal of leaving the diner to move to Philadelphia; she felt like she almost couldn’t escape Connecticut. The trip, this time, was planned in advance, however. Both Adam and Rory were graduating, and Jess’s new sister had been born only a week earlier. Much was to be done, many people to visit. It made Ella feel slightly overwhelmed, the prescribed familial nonsense. Going back to Stars Hollow was easier when she could just casually pop into Luke’s or her home, and then drive away in the Station Wagon with Jess in the passenger seat and Liz Phair on the radio whenever she felt compelled. But the graduation had a scheduled time, Rory’s graduation party had a scheduled time. There was no getting out of it.

For a moment, she had thought about staying back in her old room in the little blue house. She felt as though they were taking advantage of Luke staying over at his place as often as they did. But then it occurred to her that she had no real idea what her room looked like anymore. The few times she’d been over in recent years, she hadn’t even ventured past the threshold of the small hallway, her door the second on the right. She felt maybe it was better to leave the room the way it had been in her memory. She was not in the business of reopening old wounds for no reason other than curiosity.

There was also the issue of her father. Fiona had been cagey at best about Jake on the phone. Would he even show up to the graduation? Surely he would. Even Noah had traveled back home, for the first time in years, though without his fiancé. She was a nurse, and hadn’t been able to get away from the midnight shifts. He was a paralegal, though, and had been able to swing a Saturday afternoon graduation. But, still, there was a gnawing feeling in her stomach. A fear he would simply not show. He had been at her high school graduation, with his robotic hugs and teary eyes and the usual detached way about him. It hadn’t been warm and fuzzy, but he had been there for her. He had clapped as she crossed the stage. And, as far as Ella was concerned, Adam deserved more than she ever got from Jake. Adam called often, and seemed to get along rather well with Fiona, but remained flighty about their father. She could count on him changing the subject every time Jake was brought up.

“Hey! Eleanor,” Jess said, breaking her from her reverie.

She blinked harshly and jumped at the sound of his voice. Slowly, she turned her gaze away from the view of the window above Luke’s kitchen sink. Town square was decorated with florals, and the troubadour stood playing an upbeat, folksy tune on one of the corners. And, as she thought about her family, it had all struck her as a bit plastic. It seemed impossible for so much heartache to happen to her while living in a place like Stars Hollow, but it had. In spite of the sunshiney smiles and the constant offerings for help. Probably why she got along with Jess so well, who understood more than anyone she had ever met what it was to feel a pain she could truly recognize. Luke, too. She wondered at how many people milling down on the sidewalk were concealing all of their hurt for the sake of maintaining a positive, cheerful facade. The farther away the years took her from her upbringing, the more reasons she felt she was better off somewhere other than her hometown. She had never quite been able to polish her outward mold, could never keep it all under wraps. Instead, she ended up cursing out kids who tried to steal random shit from the diner or punishing herself through constant schoolwork and lack of sleep, all to keep her problems from making it from her mind to her mouth. And, most of the time, she had slipped up eventually. Once more, her father came to her mind. He hadn’t been able to wear a convincing mask, either.

“...yeah?” she asked, then looked down to realize the glass she had been filling with cold water from the tap was overflowing onto her hand.

Quickly, she shut off the sink and sipped carefully at the drink, until it was back down to a manageable level. She switched it to the other hand and shook off the wetness, though it hadn’t felt unwelcome after having just come in from the May heat. Jess smirked quizzically at her, from where he stood at the fridge. They were meant to have a late lunch and then go over to Liz’s house and meet the baby, Doula. Despite how much Luke was making fun of it, Ella couldn’t say she hated the name.

“Jeez, Stevens. Where’d you go?” Jess’s voice was lilted and smug as he pulled some leftover sandwiches from the fridge. Luke had instructed them to finish off whatever diner cast-offs they could find. It reminded Jess of his teen years, tense dinners with Luke at the small kitchen table, eating stale food which had been prepped but never actually ordered. And he felt an odd, surprising jolt of nostalgia. But his face didn’t show it.

She shook her head at herself, placing her glass down on the table and grabbing the cutlery as Jess put the leftovers out on the table buffet-style. It reminded her of the way he arranged a meal on her kitchen table the night they’d watched the prom scene of Carrie together, when he’d brought her a care package because she had a migraine and then refused to admit to it later. And, for the most fleeting of moments, she was in the past and they were the people they had once been. A fond smirk tugged at her lips as she sat down, plates and forks in hand.

“Nowhere,” she replied finally, her voice a sigh. Before Jess could ask anything further, she gave him a pointed glance as she piled some cold mashed potatoes onto her plate and continued. “You sure you’re okay going to Liz’s house today? We could always wait until tomorrow morning, then we could have an excuse to leave and go get ready for the graduation.”

He seemed to consider the idea of a moment as he took his first bite of meatloaf, then shook his head. “No. Let’s just rip the bandaid off.”

“That’s the spirit when you’re going to see a new baby,” she quipped.

“I can guarantee the baby will be easier to handle than Liz and TJ, no matter how much she cries,” Jess grumbled, looking down at his food.

Ella bit the inside of her cheek and leveled him with her eyes. Each time they returned to Stars Hollow, he seemed to get more anxious about it. At first, it was because the entire town had hated him as a teen. But it got much worse when Liz moved there. She thought it strange how much everyone seemed to discount how Jess felt about this, how much Luke complained about her. How much they expected Jess to get over what he was feeling and play dutiful son. It reminded her of the way she felt she needed to treat her own father after her mother died. Though the sexist bullshit about her being the ‘woman of the house’ had also played a part. She knew how Luke felt about family, how he would always show up for family regardless of circumstance. Maybe Jess was the same way, loyal to a fault. But maybe it was only for his chosen family. Maybe the rest of it was more because of all the outward pressure he faced.

She reached over and ran a hand through his hand, smoothing it out. For a moment, she thought of saying something, but decided it wasn’t the right time to start a conversation about Jess’s childhood, or the lingering effects he still wouldn’t acknowledge. Not right before seeing his mother. She was trying hard lately to be patient, despite the way his eyes became guarded at the mention of his new sister or his mother, or the increased frequency of his nightmares. It was getting worse before her eyes and she didn’t know why. But Jess was Jess. And he wasn’t going to see it until he was ready to. It almost physically pained her, the effort of swallowing down the words, but she bit her tongue nonetheless.

He offered her a lazy, lopsided smile in return.

. . .

His grip on her hand was tight as they made their way into Liz and TJ’s house, just as gaudy and eclectic as Ella remembered from the baby shower. She might’ve even found it charming if it weren’t for the screaming color of the decor. The place smelled of burnt toast and sour milk, and Ella was instantly glad she and Jess had chosen to eat beforehand, just in case Liz asked them to stay for dinner. The scent was overpowered only by the strong perfume Liz was wearing, which Ella couldn’t ignore as Liz pulled her in for a big hug of greeting.

“Come in, come in,” Liz said in her high, sing-song voice as she led them down the front hall and into the living room. “She’s just waking up from nap!”

The room was littered with toys, empty bottles, blankets, story books Doula wouldn’t be able to read for years. But it was sweet. Ella could see how much they’d been preparing, planning. For a second, she was relieved about it, but then the feeling mixed with a distasteful sadness. Jess had never specifically addressed his bedtime routine as a child, but Ella was fairly positive Liz had never read him Goodnight Moon. She gave his hand a final squeeze before disentangling their fingers and sitting down on the paisley patterned couch. Liz lifted Doula up from the bassinet in the corner by the rocking chair. Ella could barely see the baby beneath the patchwork quilt she was swaddled in. Doula fussed for a moment, and Liz smiled at the two of them apologetically.

“She needs a change. I’ll be right back!” she said, retreating back into the bedroom. “Make yourselves comfortable!”

“Okay. Thanks,” Ella replied cordially. She looked back at Jess as his mother exited the room. “You okay?”

He shrugged, his eyes surveying the clutter. “I guess so. It’s just weird still. All of this.”

Ella hummed, nodding.

“And I’m not really used to the whole baby thing yet. I’ve never even held one before,” Jess said, slightly sheepish and slightly curious. He crossed his arms over the Metallica logo on his worn t-shirt. He’d taken a half day working at Truncheon before they left for Connecticut, and was always happy to change into less professional attire after his shifts.

“I know, but it’ll be easy. Unless TJ pops out and sings that song the frog does in Looney Tunes. Then is the only instance when you’d be even slightly at risk of dropping her,” Ella assured him, leaning back into the overstuffed couch.

She’d gleaned from their conversation the night before that his inexperience with children was also not helping his nerves. The only time she’d ever recalled Jess interacting with kids for any real length of time was the one Thanksgiving she’d brought him to meet her family. But even then, she’d been surprised how easily he’d wowed Erin with his card tricks, and played along with her jokes. Not something she’d exactly expected from the boy who wore a battered leather jacket and a constant scowl and a scarred heart on his sleeve.

“Why do you always worry he’s gonna do that?” Jess asked, cracking a smile for the first time since they’d walked in.

“I told you! He sang it to me one time when I was working and he was hanging out at the diner. He was trying to figure out what song to serenade your mom with,” she explained, eyes wide and utterly serious. “I was just wiping down the counter, minding my own business, and he just appeared, like, right over my shoulder.”

Jess rolled his eyes at the story, remembering when Ella had first told him about it over one of their phone calls, back when they were hundreds of miles apart. “Well, it doesn’t seem like he’s here right now.”

“I didn’t think he was in the diner when it happened,” Ella countered, her voice jokingly grave.

Jess chuckled but didn’t have a chance to respond as Liz reentered the room. A large smile stood out on her face, the baby dressed in a soft punk onesie in her arms. Doula squirmed around a little and cooed, but didn’t seem altogether unhappy.

“Ready to meet your little sister, Jess?” Liz asked, coming over and preparing to put Doula in Jess’s arms before he even had a chance to answer.

“Guess so,” he muttered hastily, eyes widening.

“Just be careful with her head,” Ella offered, watching as Liz hovered over her son, placing her daughter’s head in the crook of his arm.

Jess was surprised at how naturally his other arm moved to cradle her. She felt so light, it was as though he was holding nothing at all. Her skin was slightly flushed from the warmth of the quilt she’d been napping in, and he could feel the heat against his arms and his chest, through his t-shirt. His heart fluttered around anxiously in his chest, and he couldn’t help the slight trembling in his hands, but he was pretty sure he had a good grip on her. Liz straightened up again, looking down at the two of them. Jess almost couldn’t take his eyes off the baby, embarrassed at how awestruck he was. Ella’s nieces were the youngest kids he had ever been in contact with. He had never met someone when they were only a week old before.

“Isn’t she something?” Liz said, hands on her hips. “She looked a lot like Danny Devito when she first came out, but I think she’s finally getting past that early ugly baby phase.”

Jess hummed in absent acknowledgement, but said nothing. Doula had thin wisps of blonde hair, and pudgy, rosy cheeks. Her fingers were curled into small fists, her legs scrunched up. He wondered vaguely if she was going to fall back asleep, since it seemed she couldn’t keep her eyes open for very long. She smelled like rash cream, but he couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed at it.

“Yeah, she’s beautiful, Liz,” Ella answered, though her gaze went back and forth between the baby and Jess. She couldn’t think of a time when she’d seen his eyes so clear and full of wonder before. She’d been too young to hold a newborn when Adam arrived, but she remembered the feeling of holding Erin as a baby, in the hospital just hours after Julie had given birth to her. It was certainly a unique feeling, and she felt her heart swell at the thought of Jess getting to experience it.

Glancing back at the kitchen for a moment, Liz once again gained a frantic tone in her voice. But, after having known her for so long, Ella knew it wasn’t unusual. Liz was the kind of person who put her coffee cup on the top of her car while unlocking the door, and then drove away without remembering it, the mug shattering and coffee splattering on the road behind her.

“Damn, I was just makin’ a bottle when you guys got here. TJ usually does that stuff, but dinner got a little burned. He had to go get some Plan B takeout. Let me finish with the formula,” Liz said, making her way back towards the opening into the kitchen. “You guys okay with her for a second?”

“Yeah. Fine,” Jess answered, surprising Ella.

Just as Liz left again, Doula opened her eyes once more. But instead of letting them shut, she kept them open. She stared up at Jess, her large brown eyes meeting his and doing their best to focus on his face.

“She’s got a withering stare,” he murmured.

“Isn’t so hard, is it?” Ella shifted a little closer to him, leaning over his shoulder to see Doula. “You didn’t have to be nervous.”

“Yeah, maybe not,” Jess said quietly, a small smile on his face as he glanced over at Ella.

. . .

Back when she graduated high school, there had been rain. The day before, they’d had to move the ceremony preparation into the small auditorium. People were squished inside, standing up in the aisles once the seats ran out. Ella’s valedictorian speech had been a bit more than daunting with a bunch of irritated family and friends facing her, those who had traveled miles to Stars Hollow only to be packed into the smelly room like sardines. She supposed having graduation outside in the gazebo was better. The class size was small at Stars Hollow High, but it was best when everyone still had personal space. The one downside was the heat. Connecticut was not usually up near ninety degrees in late May, but a pocket of dry air was currently sitting atop the state, moving at a glacial pace.

Ella and Jess had sat sweating on some lawn chairs. While Julie and her husband Michael, who still lived in the same small house in New Britain, were on Ella’s other side, trying to get their girls to sit through the ceremony to moderate success. Annie’s wild curls were blowing in the scorching wind as she sat on her father’s lap, reading the small storybook she’d brought with her. Erin, on the other hand, just about to cross over into adolescence and middle school, had folded her arms sullenly over her chest and rolled her eyes at nearly every name called up to receive a diploma. Ella didn’t imagine she would’ve reacted much better at that age, being forced to sit out in the heat for hours only to watch Adam be handed a piece of paper. Noah had been on the far side of their row of seats, in his plain clothes, looking stoic as usual. He would be leaving just after the fanfare ended. He’d stayed at a motel the night before, with perhaps even less desire to stay in the little blue house than Ella had.

The valedictorian speeches were actually pretty good, but long. Adam would’ve been giving one if he hadn’t stopped trying in every one of his classes except for those involving science during his senior year. Ella respected the decision though. She had never found any application for calculus in adult life, no matter how hard she had worked at it in high school.

Fiona and Jake had shown up, together for some reason, ten minutes late. No seats were left near Ella, or anyone else in the family. Instead, they were relegated to the far back row. Her brows furrowed at their entrance, but they didn’t get close enough to Ella for her to say anything. Jess had brought her arm around her shoulder as she watched them pass her without so much as a look, and took to whispering jokes about their old principal in her ear. It didn’t work as well to distract her as he had hoped, but it had still earned him a laugh or two, which was far from nothing.

As they all stood around afterwards, under the shade of some trees behind the old gazebo, congratulating Adam, Ella couldn’t shake the thoughts of her parents from her mind. She wondered how different the day would be if her mother had lived. Would her parents still be together? Probably. Despite the problems they hid, the ones Ella had become more aware of the older she got, they did love each other. No matter how much her mother laid down and took Jake’s outbursts and his alcoholism, and no matter how much her father ignored Sophia’s distracted nature and inability to decide on anything in life, they loved each other. And, the thought struck her suddenly, that maybe everything would have been easier to swallow if they hadn’t loved each other so much. It would have been easier to accept how quickly everything fell apart, and how quickly her father had found someone new to fill the hole in his heart.

“You okay?” Jess asked, close to her ear as they lingered amongst the group, pictures having been taken and pleasantries having been exchanged.

“Just peachy,” she replied, unable to hide the bitterness in her voice.

“Yeah, I can see that,” he said, pressing a kiss to the crown on her head and giving her hand another squeeze. It hadn’t taken him long to gather how angry seeing her father again had made Ella. He wondered when the last time had been.

“I could do without the Brady Bunch performance,” she whispered back to him, gesturing to the members of her family as they continued with fabricated niceties.

“Really, Marcia? But you’re the oldest sister! That means you would’ve been prom queen!” Jess teased.

She rolled her eyes and snorted a laugh. “Whatever, Wally Logan.”

Approaching the two of them with narrowed eyes, Erin still had her arms crossed over her frilly dress. She had more than one bandaid on each knee, and she had already pulled the french braid out of her red hair. Speaking mostly to Ella, she sized Jess up.

“I remember him,” Erin said suspiciously.

A confused, bemused grin crossed Ella’s face. “Yeah. At Thanksgiving. You were like five. You remember that?”

“I have a really good memory,” Erin said, shrugging, confident and casual.

Ella chuckled at the flippant ten-year-old.

“Photographic, huh?” Jess asked, eyebrows raised.

“Pretty close,” Erin replied, then focused her eyes back on Ella. “Did you ever figure out his middle name?”

“Sure did,” Ella answered, smirk growing. “You wanna hear it?”

“Of course,” Erin said. “I know for a fact it’s not Santa Claus.”

Jess rolled his eyes.

Ella leaned down and whispered in Erin’s ear. Straightening up again, Ella watched Erin’s gaze roam over to Jess doubtfully.

“What kind of a name is Cosmo?” Erin asked.

“Listen, my mom’s into crystals and-” Jess began, but Michael called Erin over for something.

“Gotta go,” Erin said, and skipped off towards her father without another word.

“C’mon, Elle,” Jess groaned, a blush creeping up his neck and warming the tips of his ears.

She chuckled, nudging him with her shoulder. “Sorry, Cosmo.”

Before Jess was able to retort, Fiona and Jake approached them. Considering they were split up, the peculiarity of the two of them arriving together wasn’t lost on anyone, not that it would ever be mentioned. At a closer proximity, Ella was surprised to see how different Jake looked. His hair was greyer, he was skinnier, there were dark circles under his eyes. Whatever has been going on in Maryland didn’t seem to be conducive to health. She had to bite back her sigh at the sight of him. Fiona was more or less the same, though Ella had visited her more or less recently. She couldn’t remember the last time she had laid eyes on her father. The shadow of the man he had been when she was a child was almost completely gone. Her heart twisted painfully in her chest.

“Hey, kids,” Fiona said, giving Ella a quick hug.

“Oh, hi,” Ella chirped, surprised at her instant warmth.

She also hugged Jess, shocking everyone involved.

“So good to see you guys! How are things in Philly? Adam tells me you just got a new apartment?” Fiona asked, buzzing and bubbly. Her black hair was cropped close to her head. Ella remembered how she used to let apprentices at the beauty salon experiment on her locks during breaks.

“Yeah, we’ve been there about a month,” Ella said. “It’s only a few blocks over from school. I can walk there.”

“How nice,” Fiona smiled.

“It is,” Jess agreed.

Shifting uncomfortably from foot-to-foot, Jake finally interjected. “Hi, Ellie.”

“Hey, dad,” she said, biting the inside of her cheek.

“Young man,” Jake greeted Jess coldly, nodding.

Jess gave a curt nod and a thin-lipped smile in response.

There was a long pause before anyone spoke again, filled with distant, amiable chatter of other families and shrieks of congratulations. Out of the corner of her eye, Ella could see Adam was already off with his friends. Soon, they would be headed to dinner and Project Graduation. Part of Ella was glad Adam didn’t want a big day of family celebration. No one would’ve survived any extended period of false positivity.

“I see you’ve got tattoos now, Ellie,” Jake said, looking down at the tulip on her arm, exposed in her spaghetti strap dress. “Your mother would’ve called that sinful, you know.”

The corners of Ella’s lips tugged up into a resentful smile, the words dripping with venom as they left her mouth before she could stop them. “Well, it’s a good thing she’s dead then, isn’t it?”

Both Fiona and Jake’s jaws dropped and it seemed all the oxygen had been sucked out of the air around them. Ella’s stomach dropped and she brought her hand over her mouth just after she said it. Her hazel eyes grew to the size of saucers. Immediately, Jess took her by the shoulders and began leading her in the direction of the diner, blurting out excuses.

“Hey, nice to see you folks, but we have to get to Rory’s graduation party tonight and it’d be pretty rude if we were late so…” he trailed off, stopping once they were far enough away, leaving Fiona and Jake flabbergasted and speechless.

“Oh my god,” Ella muttered, chewing at her thumbnail for the first time in what felt like forever. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I was gonna try to be nice if he came, because...at least he showed up, right? Fuck. Oh my god. Jess. Oh my god.”

“It’s okay, Daria. Just try to relax,” Jess breathed, steering her towards the diner as she instantly began melting down.

“I can’t relax, Jess! Don’t fucking tell me to relax! Did you hear that?! Did you hear what I just said?!” she muttered hastily. “Fuck me! Fuck! Every time I see him, my fucking mouth-”

“Hey, language!” Luke scolded her as they entered the diner, the bell jingling jovially above the door. There were only a few customers scattered around, the mid-afternoon lull.

“God, Luke, I thought age was supposed to negatively affect your hearing!” Ella snapped as Jess directed her to a stool and sat her down, hopping up on the seat next to her.

“Joe Pesci here is having a bad day,” Jess explained shortly as Luke shot Ella a bewildered stare.

“What happened?” Luke asked, arching a brow.

Ella heaved a great sigh and placed her head in her hands, elbows on the counter. “Bigmouth has struck again. And apparently she has even less of a filter now than she did in high school!”

“Right,” Luke said, increasingly confused.

Running a hand up and down over Ella’s back as she continued fuming, Jess gave Luke a dejected glance. “Green tea?”

A shadow of realization passed over Luke’s face. “Comin’ right up.”

#jess mariano #jess mariano fanfiction #jess x oc fanfiction #jess mariano x oc fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #oc fanfiction #jess mariano imagines #jess mariano au #gilmore girls fanfiction #gilmore girls fanfic #gilmore girls au #gilmore girls imagines #luke danes #jess #mariano

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rosedavid · 4 years

Note

angst #2 for tyrus! but happy ending pls:(

2. "Don’t you ever say that to me again. I mean it.“

…

“So you’ll never guess what I have planned for date night ton—Cyrus?”

TJ walks into their shared apartment that night after a grueling day of school, keys swinging as he hums a catchy tune he heard on the radio. No matter how crappy the week, he always had weekly date night to look forward to with his boyfriend. Normally, when TJ walked in the door on date night, Cyrus would already be getting ready, calling out an exuberant hello. Tonight, though, the whole atmosphere feels a bit off as he enters. The apartment is dimmer than normal, as if a thick storm cloud settled inside. It’s eerily silent, the type of silence that isn’t relaxing but rather like the moment in a horror movie right before the jump-scare. And Cyrus, Cyrus is curled up on the couch, so still that TJ thinks he’s asleep until Cyrus turns to meet his eyes.

“What’s wrong? Are you sick?” TJ worries, because what else could explain this type of behavior?

With pursed lips, Cyrus shakes his head. His fingers scratch into the tops of his legs. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Dropping his backpack on the floor, TJ wonders what could have possibly made Cyrus act this way. Normally, if they have fights, Cyrus will confront him directly and immediately. If Cyrus is sad, he’ll be sniffling and trying to hide his red eyes. But this…this isn’t a feeling that TJ is familiar with from Cyrus, and somehow it feels worse.

TJ sits beside Cyrus on the couch gingerly, as if the slightest wrong move will cause Cyrus to bolt. TJ attempts to wrap his arm around the smaller boy, but Cyrus seems to shrink away from him. For once, TJ doesn’t know what to do. He’s never felt so out of place next to Cyrus in all their years of knowing each other. Then, Cyrus speaks, a whisper in the air so soft that TJ has to strain to hear it.

“I’m leaving.”

TJ blinks, trying to understand what he’s saying. “Leaving? Where?”

“New York.”

The cogs in TJ’s head are spinning as he attempts to make sense of the jumbled words coming out of Cyrus’s mouth. Why would he be going to New York City right before his Clinical Psychology internship here in California?

“I…I don’t understand,” TJ stammers, mouth dry.

Cyrus sighs, placing a hand on top of TJ’s own. “I’m moving to New York.”

“What are you talking about? What about your internship? You have a whole life here!”

“I applied to another one in New York,” Cyrus admits. “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t think I would get accepted, but then I got the letter today–”

“I wish you would have told me sooner, but we can deal with this. Have you found any good apartments yet in the city? I need to see what credits of mine will transfer, but–”

“No, TJ, you’re not getting it. I’m moving to New York.”

Time feels achingly frozen. TJ’s hand stiffens in Cyrus’s grip. He pulls away, eyebrows furrowed. He stands up and tries to gain some sense of bearing of this situation. He and Cyrus have been dating for nearly 5 years, ever since high school. Despite the rough patches they went through, they’ve stayed together all this time. And now, it feels like Cyrus is just giving up on all that work, all the time they’ve spent with each other, loved each other.

“Cyrus–” he attempts to argue, but Cyrus interrupts him.

“Listen, Teej, I know how you must be feeling right now…”

“You have no idea! I don’t–I don’t get it, Cyrus. I can come with you. We can move together–”

Cyrus bites his lip, tears forming in his eyes. “No, you can’t. I’m sorry. I need to do this, okay? But you need to stay here, finish school, enjoy yourself–”

“How? How could I when you’re thousands of miles away?!” TJ asks incredulously, throwing his hands up in the air.

“This internship is the best opportunity for me, for us. You know I need to help my mom, too, and this will give me the resources to do that. It’s what’s best.”

The room descends into silence once again. TJ towers above Cyrus, arms folded. His back is turned away from the other boy as he stares out the window, dissatisfaction spreading through him. How could Cyrus say something like this?! How could he have made this choice without even discussing it with TJ first? TJ can’t believe that, after so many years of their relationship, it’s come to this. Finally, TJ turns away from the window, glaring down at Cyrus. Then, he lashes out.

“You’re being selfish.”

Cyrus suddenly stands up from his position, stomping over the short distance to TJ. There’s a ferocity burning in Cyrus’s eyes that seems so opposite of the person TJ knows that it causes him to take a step back in surprise.

“Don’t you ever say that to me again. I mean it,” Cyrus seethes, hands clenched at his sides.

Then, without another word, Cyrus storms right out the front door.

…

Cyrus doesn’t return the next day, or the next. TJ can’t even bring himself to sleep in their bed, not alone. He takes up camp on the couch, instead. His back aches from the cruddy support, and his feet hang off the edge, but he still can’t do it. It feels wrong to sleep in there without him snoring softly on his side. Without his cold nose pressing into TJ’s shoulder.

TJ tries to stay mad. It works for the first night. He paces a hole in the floor, tugging his hair so hard that a few strands definitely come out. He blames Cyrus for everything, thinks about how stupid and selfish he’s being. He thinks to himself that he’s glad Cyrus isn’t there right now, that he can’t stand to see him anyway. It’s true, to some extent. The anger is certainly present inside him, but as the tensions from before vanish, and TJ sits alone in the apartment, that anger dies down, only to be replaced by a building sense of deep sadness.

He shouldn’t be sad, at least not more than he’s angry. This is all Cyrus’s fault, after all. New York?! Does he even care about TJ, about their relationship? TJ knows that Cyrus wants to have the money to take care of his ailing mother, but he can have enough by staying here, too, even if things are a little tight. TJ should be happy for Cyrus getting into his dream internship, but he isn’t. He’s not happy at all, he’s upset, because Cyrus will leave him to go across the country for this fancy job even though he could get everything he needed from here, with TJ–

TJ freezes, realizing something horrible in that moment.

It’s not Cyrus who’s being selfish, it’s him.

…

On the third night without Cyrus, TJ cries himself to sleep.

…

The next morning, TJ wakes up with sticky eyes and a pounding headache. He coughs, throat dry and ragged. His body is sprawled at an uncomfortable angle across the couch. The pillow previously clutched in his arms fell to the floor. He sits up, legs still cramped from stuffing himself onto the small area.

Suddenly, the past nights come back to him like a punch in the face. He bolts up, ignoring the dizziness from standing too fast. He looks around for any sign of Cyrus, but everything is just as it was last night.

TJ has to make this right. He can’t let Cyrus leave without apologizing, that’s for sure. They need to talk, sooner rather than later. But Cyrus hasn’t answered any of his calls yesterday or even read any of his texts. TJ thought that Cyrus was destroying their relationship by leaving, but as it turns out, it’s TJ who’s destroying it himself.

What if it’s too late? 3 days of not speaking at all, no contact. For all TJ knows, Cyrus may already be in New York by now. He may have just lost the best thing in his life because of some stupid fight. And TJ remembers back to the fight, really focusing on how Cyrus looked more than what they said to each other. Cyrus looked awful: anxious, guilty, depressed. Cyrus was scared to tell him, and TJ reacted just the way Cyrus feared.

With no other options left, TJ does the only thing he can: He texts Buffy.

TJ: Buffy, I need your help

At first, he worries that Buffy won’t respond, but thankfully a few minutes later, the typing dots pop up on his phone.

Buffy: Yeah, right. You think I would help you after you hurt my best friend so badly?

Guilt fills TJ even further. He hurt Cyrus. He hurt the person that means the world to him. Even if Buffy doesn’t want to help him, he has to try again, for Cyrus. He can’t live with himself knowing that Cyrus is somewhere, hurt and broken because of TJ.

TJ: Please, Buffy. I know I’ve been terrible, and he never deserved any of it. I’m an idiot, and you don’t have to forgive me, but I can’t just leave things like this. I love him, so much, and even if he doesn’t want to forgive me, I have to try. Please, tell me where I can find him.

Five minutes later, Buffy responds. TJ nearly cries out in relief as he reads her text.

Buffy: You have one chance, Kippen. Do not screw this up. He’s over here now.

Not caring about how he looks, TJ throws on a pair of shoes and grabs his keys on the way out the door. Buffy’s place is about 45 minutes away with no traffic. Normally, that long of a drive wouldn’t phase TJ, but in this context, it feels like an eternity.

TJ presses the button for the elevator repeatedly, as if that would help it get to him faster. Suddenly, though, a startling realization comes over him. He sprints back into their shared apartment to grab something stuffed in the bottom of his drawer. If there’s anytime to make a grand gesture, it’s now.

Just like expected, the drive to Buffy’s is like torture. TJ can hardly sit still. He’s even more snappy at the bad drivers than usual. The only thing he can think about is getting to Cyrus.

An hour later, TJ finally rounds the familiar corner to Buffy’s own apartment. TJ shudders out a sob as he spots Cyrus’s little car parked outside. He parks his own car directly behind Cyrus. Despite his intense need to apologize to him, TJ feels stuck in place as he stares at the apartment building. What if Cyrus doesn’t forgive him? What if Cyrus never wants to see him again?

TJ has to take that chance. It’s better to know than to always wonder, always regret never trying. With a deep breath, he climbs out of his car. To his surprise, Buffy is there waiting to buzz him in. She has a stern expression on her face, similar to the way she looked at him before they became friends. She doesn’t say anything to him, but the look she gives him is enough of a warning. He sends a grateful look back toward her before heading up to her apartment.

He pauses outside the door for a second before knocking. He hears shuffling inside, closer and closer. The door opens.

Cyrus stands there in a pair of Buffy’s sweats and sweatshirt, as they’re a bit too big on him. He looks completely swallowed up by the fabric. His hair is mused, not styled meticulously like TJ is used to. His face is pale, and his eyes hold an unwavering sadness as he stares at TJ.

“C-can we talk?” TJ stutters.

“No, we can’t. You can’t–I don’t want to be put through this all again, TJ,” Cyrus declares with a sniffle.

“Please, Cyrus,” he begs, reaching out for his sleeve before Cyrus can close the door. “I’m not here to argue. I’m here to apologize.”

Cyrus stills for a moment, and TJ counts this as a cue to keep talking.

“You’re not selfish, Cyrus. You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met in my life. I was the selfish one. I didn’t even consider–” TJ cuts off. “New York was your dream. You gave up New York for school to stay with me. You wanted to stay closer to your mom because she got sick. You came with me to the school that I dreamed of going to because it was my dream. You’ve loved me, unconditionally. God Cyrus, you’re not selfish in the least bit. All you do is care about others.”

TJ takes in another breath to continue. “And I know how hard this decision was for you, I really do. And I know that the only reason you want me to stay here is because you love me and don’t want me to leave everything I’ve made for myself here. And I know that going to New York for this internship will help you get a better job and pay for your mom’s medical bills. And I’m so, so sorry that I didn’t know this before, and even though you’re going to New York, I can’t lose you–”

Cyrus interrupts TJ’s rambling by pulling him flush into his body, pressing their lips together firmly. They slot together perfectly as their lips meet. TJ cups Cyrus’s cheek with a gentle touch, while Cyrus clutches his arms around TJ’s neck. Tears fall down both of their cheeks. They only break apart when they absolutely have to, gasping for breath.

“You should probably come in,” Cyrus mentions breathlessly, opening the door, “or Buffy’s neighbors might throw a fit.”

TJ’s heart flutters. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

…

Cyrus makes them both cups of tea in silence. TJ waits at Buffy’s table, not knowing whether he should speak or let Cyrus speak when he’s ready. He ends up deciding to wait out of nerves. A few minutes later, Cyrus places a hot mug of steaming tea in front of him with one packet of sugar inside, just the way he likes it.

“I don’t want to lose you, either,” Cyrus finally whispers. “In fact, I don’t know if I can get through this without you.”

“You don’t want to break up?”

“No, I really, really don’t. Unless you want to?”

“Never.”

Cyrus’s lips quirk upwards as he sips his tea. “I’m sorry for springing all this on you so fast. I should have been more sensitive.”

“No, I’m sorry for reacting so rashly without letting you explain yourself,” TJ apologizes, reaching over to touch Cyrus’s hand.

They sip on their tea quietly for a while longer. Every drink TJ takes burns his mouth, but he doesn’t care, not when Cyrus is right in front of him.

“I love you,” TJ promises, squeezing Cyrus’s hand. “I love you so much. And since you’re going to New York, I think I need to do this now.”

Cyrus looks at him, perplexed as TJ reaches into his coat pocket. His hand clenches around the little, velvet box that he’s had tucked away for months.

“Cyrus, you’re the best person I’ve ever known, and you’ve made me better because of it. I don’t know if I could handle not being with you for the rest of our lives–in fact, I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it.”

He pulls out the box and opens it up in one fluid motion, sinking down onto the floor on one knee. Cyrus’s eyes widen. He reaches for TJ’s arms. Tears bubble up in both of their eyes. Soon, Cyrus is sinking down alongside him.

“Teej,” he gasps. “A-are you…?”

“I’m sure,” TJ affirms. “I’ve had this ring for a few months now, but I’ve been too scared. But I have to show you how much I care, how much I want to stay with you no matter what we go through. I know you’re going to New York for a while, but consider this a promise for later.”

Suddenly, Cyrus starts giggling.

“What is it?” TJ worries, hands hovering over Cyrus.

“I just…you never asked the question,” Cyrus mentions, smile widening. A blush forms bright on TJ’s cheeks.

“Oh my–I can’t believe I forgot that part! Cyrus, will you–?”

Cyrus wraps his arms tightly around the other boy.

“Yes, TJ, I’ll marry you.”

#tyrus #andi mack #tyrus fic #tyrus fanfic #andi mack fanfiction #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #angst #prompts #asks #answered #tyrus fanfiction #fanfiction

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saltytyrus · 4 years

Text

Sleep and Straws

Tyrus fic ~ First Meet (they’re in college here)

word count: ~2,330

Cyrus wakes a stranger up at the movies:

"For the last time, unlike the previous two movies, this one was actually good. I promise she won't hate it," Cyrus assured.

"Cy, if this goes downhill, I'm never dating again and it's all on you," she whisper-shouted.

He smiled and rolled his eyes fondly, "Well, I'm willing to take that chance."

“Ah, you say that now but cat food and litter prices add up, and I doubt that your allergies-”

“Andi Eleanor Mack, quit stalling!” he huffed and placed his phone between his ear and shoulder to zip up his jacket as a gasp came through the other line.

"I'm no-, okay fine. I'll go ask her now," she paused for a moment in hopes that Cyrus would suddenly try and talk her out of it. When met with an unwavering silence, she took matters into her own hands, "Unless-”

"Andi, no!" - he quickly cut her off - "I'm begging you, please just ask her out. I refuse to listen to another hour long rant on how her hair ‘looks like Rapunzel's’ or how her hiccups sound cute, and-” he drew in a breath, 'I should really start charging’ Cyrus thought to himself.

"Okay! Thank you, I get it," Andi cut in, taking advantage of his need to breathe. "She’s in my next class. Wish me luck, I guess."

"You'll do great, and friendly reminder? I did not just sit through three movies for nothing.” He plucked his drink from the cupholder. “Call me back when you're done?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. If I don't die of embarrassment or rejection first," Andi muttered mostly to herself eliciting a chuckle from Cyrus as the line went dead.

Andi had been pining over one of her classmates for months now. The majority of her and Cyrus’ Friday texts and conversations involved her relaying the new cute things she’d witnessed her crush do or say in great detail. He nearly cried tears of joy earlier that day when she came to him in a panic and told him that she was considering asking her out. He even offered to pay for the date as an incentive for her to follow through. Which, she declined. Instead however, he was asked to checkout a movie for her; and being the great friend that he is, with zero lectures scheduled for that day, he happily agreed.

Little did he know that he would spend the majority of his Friday parked in not one, but three different theater chairs continuously shifting in search of a position that would stop the sensation of pins and needles. When the first movie ended up being downright terrible, he was sent to check out another, and when that one wound up being too cheesy, he was sent to another. As you can imagine, he was antsy and had been since halfway through the second movie. It wasn’t all bad though, he’d get temporary relief of the pins and needles by the occasional icee-brain freeze…which, he’d already downed three of. All in all, if he never went to the movies again, it would be too soon.

Looking around, of what was previously a packed auditorium, was now a desert. The scattered trash left behind filling the role of tumbleweeds. Pocketing his phone, he took a sip from his drink and got ready to stand as the credits began to fade out. He was halfway out of his seat and a blank screen stared back at him when soft snores began to spill into the short lived silence. With the belief of himself being the last one there shattered, he cast a glance over his shoulder.

Directly behind him sat a guy who, from the looks of it, was around his age. A hand laid lifelessly in a tub of popcorn, a few stray pieces littered his maroon hoodie. Strands of floppy blonde hair would fly up and down with each breath and although his head hung down in an undeniably uncomfortable position, he looked somewhat peaceful.

Curious as to how the stranger managed to sleep through the endless explosions throughout the movie, Cyrus turned around and kneeled on the chair. Now facing the stranger with both arms loosely resting over the top of his seat, he took a sip from his nearly empty cup. A short lived slurping sound bounced off the walls of the theater and the chain of soft snores continued on. Amused that he was still asleep, Cyrus took another sip; even longer and drawn out than the last and about ten seconds in, the snoring ceased and the stranger began to stir in his seat. Which was good timing in his opinion because he was beginning to feel a bit lightheaded.

With eyes still screwed shut, the stranger sat up. A few pieces of popcorn audibly crunched beneath the hand that remained planted in the popcorn tub and the stragglers from his hoodie fell onto his lap. He slowly opened his eyes, wincing at the light. Unsure of what to do now that the stranger was awake, Cyrus just sat there like a deer caught in headlights as tired and clearly disoriented green eyes found his and offered him a faint smile. After around five seconds of staring at each other, the stranger came to and glanced down at his hoodie and lap, quickly he brushed off the food and looked back up with a full blown smile, "Hi," he said in a soft, and slightly strained voice followed by a breathy laugh.

"G-good morning" Cyrus got out, slowly regaining his confidence until he realized what he said. ‘Morning? It’s nearly 9pm!’ he thought to himself, feeling as if he were 2 inches tall standing in the middle of a lit candle as his face burned. “I mean, hi," he backpedaled and offered a smile. The stranger only chuckled in response with eyes still glued to him. Swallowing down his nerves, Cyrus continued, “I'm not sure if you know this, but sleeping is free of charge," he said teasingly and tore his eyes away from his to poke his straw through faded blue ice, failing to see the other's smile grow in response.

"Contrary to belief, I do. Now do you," he said drawing out the you. Cyrus looked back up at him curiously and began to take a sip. "Know that plastic straws are bad for the environment?" Cyrus’ eyebrows furrowed at this and as if on cue, his chair gave into the undistributed weight. Thrown forwards by the chair folding in, the straw jabbed the inside of his upper lip and gums. "Ow" Cyrus mumbled as he pulled the drink away and used the palm of his free hand to push away from the back of the chair. This time around he sat on the backs of his legs to avoid another fold in. The pain managed to cancel out his embarrassment up until the moment that he met the strangers amused gaze. Looking at him, it was clear that he was about to say something smart, and although Cyrus' eyes begged him not to, he rarely got what he wanted.

"You see, Blue, with a silicone straw I guarantee that wouldn't have hurt," the stranger sung matter of factly and he set his popcorn tub aside with a wry smile. Cyrus side eyed him, his own laughter threatening to spill as he blindly put his icee back into the cupholder. "Do you use them?" Cyrus queried through a challenging smile, ignoring the stinging sensation that came with it.

"I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't, now wouldn't I?" he said playfully and ran a hand through his hair. Cyrus pretended to think it over before offering a shrug, "I guess so,” he smiled. “What brand do you swear by?"

The stranger beamed at that, and without a word he reached into the pocket of his hoodie. Scooting to the edge of his chair, he extended his phone to Cyrus who looked down at it and then back up at him questioningly. "Put your number in and I'll send you a link," he stated with a shy smile and it came out more as a question. Cyrus nodded and carefully rose up in the chair, a hand pressed against the back to avoid giving it an opportunity to fold in again. "TJ," the other said during the pass off. "Cyrus," he smiled and sat back beginning to type in his number as TJ started cleaning up the pieces of popcorn surrounding himself.

About halfway into creating his contact a call came in. "Uh," Cyrus spoke and TJ looked up from the chair he was previously inspecting for stray pieces, " ‘Thing 2’ is calling?" he turned the phone around to TJ.

"Oh, that's just my sister. You can let it go to voicemail."

"Are you sure?" Cyrus questioned.

"Yeah, I’ll call her back later. She'll text if it's important," he said smiling. Cyrus nodded and continued typing in his number, handing it back seconds later.

Cyrus turned in his seat, grabbed his drink and rose to his feet. Like he usually did, he began picking up leftover trash from within the rows. TJ busied himself with his phone that was now going off with a series of pings.

'Diapers, seriously' Cyrus muttered to himself as he nudged a dirty diaper into an empty popcorn tub with a plastic fork.

Not wanting the interaction to be over, TJ locked his phone and cleared his throat, "So, how did the movie end?"

Cyrus smiled to himself as he picked up a half empty nacho tray from the floor. "Let me answer that with a question," he said rising back to his feet, "Did you even catch any of the movie?"

TJ’s jaw dropped slightly, "Of course," he said mock offendedly, “I probably made it three fourths of the way,” his growing smile giving him away as Cyrus' eyes met his.

Not believing him for a second, Cyrus hummed in contemplation. “Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but David dies."

TJ gave him a pained smile, "Damn, I was really rooting for his character."

"Well then, worry not, because there wasn't a David in this movie," he said deviously and TJs facial expression contorted into pure confusion, "See, I'm not one to spoil movies. I just wanted to see if you'd fall for it, Mister 'three fourths of the way', " Cyrus said turning on his heel as he neared the end of the bottom row, arms cradling trash.

“Huh, human lie detector?” TJ commented, amusement evident in his voice.

“Nope,” Cyrus said stepping down the final stair, “Child of four therapists. So, close enough.” he shrugged and turned to face him again with a smile, coming face to face with the usual reaction; wide eyes and a new home for flies.

TJ slowly nodded, “Sounds, painful? But, c’mon, give me a hint. I don’t mind spoilers.”

“It has its perks, and no can do. That would mean going against my code.” TJ snorted and nodded in defeat. “But, I’ll tell you this, it was definitely worth watching.”

TJ looked deep in thought, his mouth opened and closed repeatedly and his eyes shifted to the floor, "Would you-" he looked up and met his eyes, "I mean, I know you've already seen it, but would you like to see it again, with me, maybe?" Before Cyrus could respond, TJ continued, "Or a different movie!” he rushed out, “I just-"

"Yes." his rambling was cut short and his smile grew. "Yes?" he repeated, obviously shocked. Cyrus matched his smile and nodded, "I can see it again. Next Friday?"

TJ nodded, "Uh, yeah. Yup! Cool, niceberg-" he sucked in a breath and winced as Cyrus tilted his head in amusement, "Please ignore what I just said - so, Friday?" he asked with a soft smile.

Cyrus nodded once more feeling heat rise to his face. The sound of Cyrus’ phone ringing pulled them out of their staring contest, causing him to jump and drop some trash in the process. "I should take this," he said, carefully leaning down for the fallen trash. 'Of course it had to be the popcorn diaper', Cyrus thought to himself as he kicked it back in the tub. "I'm expecting an environmentally friendly straw link, though." And with that, he directed one last smile at TJ and turned the corner.

Seemingly finding his voice again, TJ called out, "And I expect to see it in your cup next week."

Cyrus was grinning from ear to ear. He threw the trash into the dumpster, pushed through the theater door and dug his phone out of his pocket. Andi's face came into view and he quickly accepted it, "How'd it go?!"

"She said yes!" Andi screamed into the phone, the picture scrambled as she jumped around and Cyrus was positive that if faces could split from smiling so much, that he'd be screwed.

"Andi!" he beamed, "See, I told you you'd be okay," he took a deep breath, "Now, paint me a picture, I've earned it!"

"Okay, okay," Andi's jumping came to a halt and her smile came back into focus, "So I went up to her and-" she trailed off, leaving Cyrus confused as she brought the phone closer to her face.

"And???" he said nearly exploding with anticipation.

"Blue. Why are your teeth blue?" she questioned, curiosity nearly managing to take over her smile.

"My what- oh, icees. Continue," the gears visibly turned in his eyes, "Wait- they're what now?!" he squeaked and clicked on the square so his picture expanded. Upon further inspection of his teeth, they were indeed stained blue. All around. "The whole time!?" he groaned and Andi giggled. "I guess he didn't mind," Cyrus mumbled to himself in an attempt to ease his growing embarrassment as he replayed their interaction.

"What, who!?" Andi demanded.

"I'll tell you after. Now what happened with Amber?"

Andi's smile quickly returned to its full bloom, "Right, so-"

#Andi Mack #tyrus #tyrus fanfic #implied:#ambi #kippen siblings #Cyrus Goodman #tj kippen

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somedayonbroadway · 4 years

Note

I just had a thought, about Albert and Race fighting, because they’re best friends fight sometimes yknow. Do you think you could maybe write something about that, please?

Ya know... I didn’t mean for this to happen, but here ya go, hon! Full fledged oneshot!

Here it is! Accidentally Hurt By a Friend! Because it fit. Little warning though... it is a Christmas fic ;)

“That Christmas Feeling”

Tile: Accidentally Hurt By a Friend

Fandom: Newsies

Word count: 8k

Characters: Racetrack Higgins, Albert DaSilva, Jack Kelly, Crutchie Morris, Bryan Denton, Killian DaSilva (OC), Dimitri DaSilva(OC), Jeanne DaSilva (OC), Spot Conlon (mentioned), Smalls, Paula (OC)

Summary: It’s snowing outside. Lights are hanging from every house and parents are rushing around to gather their last minute gifts. But Race is just cold. It doesn’t feel like Christmas. Not yet.

"Race, c'mon... just get in the car."

"No! I didn't ask for your opinion! You ain't my mother!"

"No, I ain't! But at least, unlike her, I'm here!"

"Oh, that's real nice, Al. Why don't you continue to rub in the fact that you still have a family, n' I don't."

It was cold. So cold. But neither of them noticed. They were too busy yelling at each other, being blinded by anger that had come upon them both so quickly. Race meet meant to start a fight. He didn't know what he'd meant to do. He just knew he hated fighting.

The redhead let out a breathy, bitter laugh. "You have Jack and Crutchie. Just cause you can't see 'em everyday, don't mean you don't got them!" Albert shot back. He was shivering. But he didn't move.

It was snowing. They were both bundled up. But it was still cold.

Wind blew by all around them. Race was mere feet from the passenger side door of Albert's old car. Albert could drive, Race couldn't. It was something they'd come accustom to. Race had spent so much time in that car. Laughing, crying, panicking. That car is where him and his best friend bonded and talked to each other about everything.

But Race did not want to get in that car right now. "Yeah, because I'm sure you know what it's like ta have one a' your brothers in jail n' the other in across the fuckin' country!"

Shaking his head, Albert took a step closer to his best friend. "Look I don't get to see my brothers everyday either!" he shot back. "Thats not even the point! The point is, Spot Conlon is bad news! What would Jack think?"

"Jack ain't here!" Race screamed, stepping forward to shove the other boy against the side of his car. He regretted the action immediately, stopping for a moment and freezing at his own outburst. He took a step back as the tears came to his eyes.

The one person he found in three years who took the time to understand him, to laugh with him and make him feel like less of a charity case had always been described as off-limits. As dangerous.

Yes, maybe he'd slept with the bad boy from Brooklyn. Maybe it would be a mistake. But it didn't feel like one. At least not yet. And Race guessed he had just wanted his best friend to be happy for him instead of treating him like a piece of glass that would break at any minute.

"Jack ain't here... n' you damn well know it. So stop tellin' me ta think about what my brother would say, alright?!" He didn't know how to stop now. He was just angry. He was just hurt. He was just alone and scared and sick of Albert treating him like some fragile package that couldn't go out into the world alone. "Spot isn't what they say. He was really sweet n' gentle n' unlike you, he makes me feel like I'm my own goddamn person!"

"Ya know what, Race? Screw you, okay?" Albert shot back, shaking his head again and stepping away from the passenger side door. "For the past three years it's been a real shit show f'r you, n' I get that. But ya know one a' these days ya gotta stop throwin' yerself a pity party because you don't like it when someone tells ya your bein' stupid!"

"You don't know a Goddamn thing, Albert!" Race cried, wishing that he could somehow just make everyone understand. Wishing that everyone knew what it was like to hurt this bad all the time. No one understood. "I don't even know why I try ta talk ta you anymore when apparently every move I make is just me actin' out because my life sucks!" He was so sick of being the fragile package. He was tired of being the one that needed protection. He was so tired of everyone shielding him from the world. He was so tired of Albert trying to control him. "At least, unlike you, I have the guts ta still live my life instead a' tryin' ta take over someone else's!"

Shoving Race back finally, Albert breathed in through his teeth. "I am just tryin' ta help you, ya dumbass! Yes! I followed you ta Brooklyn! I was scared for you, okay? Hate ta break it to ya, TJ, but you are fragile! You're life fell apart and it's okay ta be fragile!" Albert argued, his voice high pitched and irritated. People were turning to watch their argument. But Albert didn't care. "You need ta take a step back n' think about-"

"If you tell me one more time ta think about what my father would think, you shut your mouth right now," the blond boy warned darkly, glaring at his friend. Albert scowled, but didn't speak. "You lost your mother before you could remember her. You have no idea what it feels like ta lose anybody right in front a' you... so back off. Stop tryin' ta live my life, stop tryin' ta be my motha' n' stop with the goddamn fake sympathy. I don't need you!"

"I don't need you either!" Albert countered immediately, as if he was daring Race to argue with him. "Ya know what, find your own way home," he muttered. The redhead shook his head and walked around to the driver side door, pulling it open and climbing in, before slamming the thing shut again. And then he drove off, leaving Race standing there in the cold, stranded at a small coffee shop where they both happened to work after school and on the weekends.

He could just go back inside, call an Uber or something. But Race just growled out in anger and reached down into the snow, grabbing a fistful of the frozen dust in his gloved hand before chucking it at his best friend who was already halfway down the street.

Huffing when Albert made no move to turn back, Race grumbled under his breath and began walking. It couldn't be that bad. It was only snowing. He only lived three miles away.

But home is not where he wanted to go at that moment. No. So somehow, he made his way down to the subway. And he was headed downtown.

Life was far from perfect for one Tyler James Kelly, or as it said on his fake ID, Antonio Isaac Higgins. He didn't like the things that tied him to everything he'd been through. He didn't like that his name was what tipped everyone off. That it's what made everyone pity him or treat him like some kid.

He knew his life was shit. He didn't need everyone else reminding him of that.

Especially not now. Not when Christmas was right around the corner.

He pulled his coat further around him and the beanie down tighter over his head. It was cold. The fingerless gloves he wore were more for the look than warmth, as he hadn't known he'd be spending so much time outside.

Jesus, Jack really would kill him.

He should just get off, call Albert. Apologize. He shouldn't be doing this. Denton would kill him once he figured out that he hadn't gone straight home after work.

But the exit came too quickly and Race stepped off, walking down some familiar roads, sure to keep his gaze low and steady. He knew how things worked in certain neighborhoods. As long as he kept his profile low, it would be okay. He just needed to get to the right place and he'd be safe.

He knew he'd be safe.

"ID?"

Race showed it to the woman, sure to keep himself calm as he did so. They'd almost caught on a few times. But Race was a very good actor. He'd learned from the best.

"Make sure to sign in. Someone'll be out with him in a moment."

Nodding, the boy did as he was told, going through the familiar routine with no difficultly before he was led over to a seat in front of bullet proof glass. A phone was on his right. He slid his ID card back into his pocket as he waited, reaching up to rub at his eyes.

It wasn't long before someone in a grey jumpsuit was lead out to the seat across from him by one of the guards.

The second Jack saw him his eyes brightened, but Race knew his brother had to pretend to not be happy to see him.

The young man behind the glass slowly lowered himself down into the chair and took the phone just as Race did, though he was a bit slower. The boy was quick as lightning. "Again, Racer?" Jack asked in a small laugh. "You keep this up, you're gonna be the one sittin' in here, 'stead a' me," he joked.

The boy let out a small laugh too, though it was a bit sadder. There was a lot of things that were making Race's heart clench in that moment. The fact that he couldn't hug Jack, the thought of spending another Christmas without both of his brothers and the fight he'd just had with his best friend in the entire world who was the only constant he'd had in his life for the past three years.

Since his papa died.

He swallowed hard and sniffled a little bit, trying to pretend that it was from the cold when they both knew it wasn't. "Hey, Jackie..." Race whispered into he phone as his smile faded a bit.

Leaning over the counter even further, Jack sighed. "Hey, kid..." he greeted back, shooting the boy one of his famous smiles. It cheered Race up, even if only for a moment. "You know you're not s'posed ta be here without Denton," the young man whispered, giving him a knowing look.

And Race shrugged. "I just really missed you t'day... n'... I... Denton wouldn't a' let me come..." he forced out, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "I'm sort a'... s'posed ta be... um..."

"Grounded," Jack finished for him, nodding a little. "I know ya think Denton just leaves me in the dark, pal, but he's in here once a week, with or without you," he stated. When he saw the look of fear pass over the boy's face he sighed again. "I won't tell him you're here if ya really don't want me to..."

The longing that Race felt coursed through his whole body. He wished beyond anything else that his brother could just hold him for a minute. He was bound to break any second now. "I just... I needed ta talk ta someone... I needed ta talk ta you..." he stated honestly, running a hand through his hair.

Nodding a bit, Jack shrugged. "Okay... I'm listenin'," he promised gently.

The way Jack looked at him was like nothing else. Jack had always been his hero growing up. He thought it would change when he'd seen Jack led out of a courtroom in handcuffs. Maybe it had, for just a little while. But he quickly came to realize that Jack was still the same Jack he'd always known.

After all, the only reason Jack had been hacking and stealing in the first place was because he'd been trying to provide for him.

"I just... me n' Al got into a fight... n'... I dunno, it's stupid..." he finally muttered out, not really wanting to complain about his small problems when he only had so long with the man who was the reason he had survived his childhood.

"Well, if it's got you upset enough ta come all the way down here, from work, n' use a fake ID ta talk ta me, it prob'ly ain't stupid... but if ya don't wanna talk about it, I got somethin' I wanna tell you," Jack offered happily, looking much too excited about something.

The mere look in his brother's eye was enough to make Race smile. Jack's excitement always gave him a warm, familiar type of feeling. Because even when they'd been on the streets, freezing and cold, Jack had always managed to make him smile. "What?" he questioned, curious.

His grin widening as he let out a small laugh, Jack shrugged. "Guess who's gettin' released in two weeks," he prompted.

The air caught in Race's chest as tears sparked in his eyes. He let his mouth hung open. "Really?" he breathed, somewhat expecting this to be some kind of mean joke.

But Jack nodded. "Yeah! I was gonna wait till Denton was here ta tell you! N' I was gonna call Crutchie tomorrow night. But... I'm gettin' outta here... December 22nd..."

With a small chuckle and tears beginning to fall down his cheeks, Race covered his lips. "You're gonna be home for Christmas," he whispered. "You're... n'... you're gonna be home!"

He couldn't describe it. The excitement he felt, that is. Jack had tears running down his face too. He was so happy. He lifted up his hand to press it up against the glass, like he wished to touch Race's face. He did. He really did. "I'm gonna start over, baby... get a job n' find my own place..."

"I'll help ya," Race offered, still overjoyed. "Whateva' ya need!"

"That's very nice, pal... but all I'm gonna need from you is a hug," he assured. Race grinned, reaching to wipe at his cheeks. "Alright, c'mon, now... what's a' matta', Tyler James? What happened?"

Oh. That. Race had almost forgotten about that. He sniffled, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand as he shook his head. "Al just... doesn't get it..." he stated, still trying to clear his tears away. He began to use his sleeves instead. "I was... just... he treats me like a goddamn piece a' glass. I know our life ain't perfect, but I don't need him treatin' me like a kid all the time!" he forced out, running another hand through his hair. "I guess I just wish I was normal," he sighed.

Jack nodded. "I'm sorry we ain't. Really... but if I know Albert, he's just lookin' out f'r you..." he tried to reason.

The younger boy went to respond, but his phone vibrated in his pocket before he could. He shook his head and rested the old phone at the crook of his neck, reaching to pull out his own.

He thought maybe it was Denton, calling him, screaming at him over text, telling him to get his ass back to the house. But that's not what it was.

Jack watched his little brother's eyes widen. "Racer?" he called, curious as to what was going on. "Kid?" he called again, when the boy continued to stare in horror at the screen in his hands.

The picture that had popped up on his screen was a text message from one of his classmates. A girl he called Smalls. With it was the message "have you seen this?"

No. Race hadn't seen it.

It was a picture of him. Him and someone else. Someone else who had a tongue down his throat. A boy. Spot Conlon. Only, Spot's face wasn't visible in that picture. No. Of course not. Only Race was.

Albert had probably sent it to her. Probably in a group chat.

"Baby brother? You're scarin' me... what is it?"

The boy licked his lips as he tried to figure out a way to respond. He knew who'd taken that picture. "I'm gonna kill him..." he muttered. Jack's eyebrows furrowed for a moment.

Just as he might've questioned his brother again, another voice spoke and Jack's eyes widened. "Oh, but you'll be dead first, now won't you?"

Race dropped the prison phone and whirled around. "Denton," he stated, simply acknowledging the man, though the fear was clear in his eyes. The man was standing there completely disappointed and stoic. He was in his late thirties at most, with brown hair and deep brown eyes.

"I told you to school, to work and back. No exceptions. Phone. Now." Denton demanded, holding out his hand. But Race didn't move.

He was too stunned. "But..."

"Tyler James Kelly, move your ass now. Give me the phone and go to the car," the man ordered again. The boy could've burst into tears right then and there.

There were already tears falling down his face. He didn't want to make a scene. He locked his phone and handed it to the man, turning back to his big brother and picking up the line. "I love you, Jackie... see ya soon..."

Jack nodded. "Love ya, kiddo..." he responded with a sorry look in his eyes. "I'll see you in two weeks, okay?"

The boy nodded and rushed past his foster dad quick, paying him no mind on his way out. Jack watched him go, his heart breaking in the process. He waited for Denton to pick up the phone. And when he did, he didn't give him the chance to have the first word. "Look, I know he's an idiot, but don't put this all on him... he n' Albert had a fight n' he ran ta me ta talk about it because that's what woulda been normal," he tried to explain, wishing beyond anything that he could just hold the boy close and tell him it was all going to be okay.

But Denton sighed. The man had heard it all before. Race did what he thought what be normal. Sometimes, it just wasn't good for him. "I know it's hard on him, not having you or Charlie... but this whole fake ID thing has to stop before it gets out of hand. I told him a week and he couldn't even survive that long without using it," he stated. He saw Jack's eyes linger down to the table in front of him as he nodded sadly. "Look, I know he misses you and I know you miss him, but he needs to learn to follow the rules-"

"Unlike me, yes I know," Jack replied, his green eyes a bit angry. Not at Denton. At himself. "Look, I'm... I just need ta say thank you... f'r taking him in... most folks wouldn't be half as good ta him as you are. So thank you... just please go easy on him..." he asked, running a nervous hand through his hair.

Nodding, Denton agreed. "I'll see you soon, Jack," he stated confidently, offering Jack a small smile.

The young man smiled. "December 22nd," he relayed to Denton, just as he had to his brother.

An odd feeling filled up in Denton's chest at the news. He couldn't depict it. Not right then. Not when Jack's was beginning to look so happy again. "I'll be there to get you. With Race. I promise."

That seemed to be all Jack needed to hear. He bit his lip as he hung the phone back up and then stood to his feet, offering the man a grateful nod before he was escorted away.

And Denton was left on his own to deal with a broken sixteen year old who he hoped had just gone to the car.

—

"Gee Race maybe if you'd just listen ta me, I might have somethin' ta say, but of course ya can't because I'm not Jack n' you can't listen ta anyone who's not Jack, not even Charlie, who, oh by the way, asked me ta keep n' eye on you before goin' off ta California even though he was really nervous about leavin' you and thought you might hate him!"

Albert was talking to himself. It was a habit he'd picked up from a young age. Sometimes it helped him get his thoughts in order. Sometimes it made him even more confused. Sometimes it just made him angry that he wasn't actually just talking to his best friend.

He pulled into his driveway, shutting the car off quickly before hitting the steering wheel and collapsing back into the driver's seat. He was so tired. He just didn't know what to do.

Race and him had been friends since they were six years old. When Race's dad has been killed in that car wreck, Albert was the only person he'd told about it. Albert was the only one who knew about Race and his brothers living on the streets, hardly able to find shelter. Albert was the only one that Race had been comfortable asking for a bed and a blanket. Race had always run to him for help when Jack and Crutchie couldn't offer anymore.

Now Race didn't need him. Because Albert had apparently had no part in getting him through the past three years.

With a huff, the red headed boy pulled his phone out of his back pocket, pulling off his gloves and typing in a familiar phone number. He let the thing ring and he let his leg bounce up and down in attempts to warm himself up in the car that was still freezing inside.

"Hello?"

"I can't do it, Charlie. He's driving me insane. I'm trying to talk to him and he won't even-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Charlie called, clearly confused and stunned. "Slow down, Albie, what's goin' on?"

Trying to take a full breath before speaking again, the boy seethed. "You need ta call, Race. He's not listening ta me. I was tryin' ta tell him it wasn't a good idea ta be sleepin' around with Spot Conlon and he lost it," he explained as simply as he could.

A beat of silence passed over the other end of the call before Charlie was able to process the information. "Spot Conlon?"

"Yes!" Albert confirmed angrily.

Charlie groaned. "Oh, Tyler James..." he muttered. "Look, Al... Tyler is just lookin' f'r some kind of outlet, okay? He's been callin' me like crazy f'r the past few days. He's really missin' me n' Jack and he figures if he can't have that, he'll find somethin' else," he tried to explain. But Albert still didn't truly understand. "Just... he's really strugglin' right now. Don't let him push you away. That won't be good f'r no one..."

Of course it wouldn't. But Race was sick of being treated delicately. Albert didn't know what to do. He just wanted his friend to be the guy he'd always been. He just wanted Race to talk to him. "Okay... okay... I'm sorry... I just... I'm so worried about him n'... we had this stupid fight and I shouldn't have left him standin' alone and I'm really sorry, but he wasn't gettin' in the car n'-"

"Jesus, it's a wonder you n' Race can ever actually hear each other," he joked. It was something both of the boys were very aware of. Nervous rambling. They could just never stop it. "Look, I'll call him. But you should too. You're his best friend n' he loves you. I'll text you after I talk ta him, okay?"

"Okay..." Albert sighed, running a hand over his face. "Okay... I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, Red. I'll talk to ya soon, okay... take a breather..."

Sucking in a deep breath through his nose, Albert nodded, though he knew his friend couldn't see him. "Okay... bye, Crutchie..."

"Bye, Al..."

It had been a long, hard year. Especially for Race. Sometimes when Albert looked at his friend it was hard not to picture the way he clung to Crutchie at the airport, tears spilling down his face as he begged his brother to stay or the way he completely broke when he had to watch Jack hauled out of a courtroom in handcuffs.

It was hard to see that crazy, bright, carefree little boy that he used to be. Race was broken. And Albert was trying to hard to just hold him together.

He supposed it was possible that his grip was too strong. That he was just making his best friend crack even faster.

He shouldn't have asked about Spot. He shouldn't have followed Race in the first place. But Race had been acting odd for the past couple weeks. It was Christmas time. Albert knew that. He also knew that last Christmas had been extremely hard on Race. The first one he'd had without Jack.

But he shouldn't have taken that picture. That was a lousy thing to do.

Before he could think further on that and let the sadness and guilt fill up in his chest even faster, his phone buzzed. He picked it up, curious as to how Charlie had talked to Race so quickly, before he found that it wasn't Charlie at all.

Paula: "do you have the notes for Algebra?"

Without hardly thinking, Albert clicked to send his classmate pictures of the notes that he'd meant to send her anyway. And then he shoved the thing into his pocket and got out of the car.

"Shit..." he muttered to himself. It really was freezing. He really shouldn't have left Race.

Rushing inside, the boy shut the door quickly behind him. "Dad?" he called, kicking his shoes off as the warmth hit him.

"Dad went off to the store! You're stuck with us," another voice replied.

And Albert smiled. "Hey, Dimitri," he greeted easily, walking around the corner to find his older brother, standing in the middle of the family room, a little, red headed girl up on his shoulders.

She was grinning so widely and had her hands on the man's forehead. "Uncle Albie!" she cried happily. Albert smiled and ran into the room.

"Jeanne!" the boy cried, taking the small girl off of her father's shoulders so that he could give her a hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck and squealed in delight. "Where's your mama?" he asked.

"She's at work. She's gonna pick up Killian on her way here. He insisted on making dinner today," Dimitri stated, taking his daughter back from Albert's arms. "Where's Racer? Aren't you two attached at the hip?" he teased.

Albert rolled his eyes. "No. We don't have ta do everything t'gether!" he defended, wincing at his own insistence.

Dimitri furrowed his eyebrows and held his daughter close. "Okay... Killian was gonna ask if he wanted ta stay for dinner. Sorry," he defended, taking Jeanne and walking past his little brother, running a hand over his hair on the way out.

Albert let him walk away. He pulled out his phone again, hoping for a text from Charlie. Instead, he found another text from Paula. "Who's that with Race?"

Albert's heart dropped. "Shit," he hissed, sliding open his phone to get to the conversation.

Five pictures. Only four of them were what he'd actually meant to send.

The last one was a picture he'd meant to delete.

"Really, Al? In front of the kid?" his brother asked irritated. But Albert rushed passed him and ran up the stairs.

"Shit, shit, shit," he muttered again and again. This wasn't just a small mistake. He'd sent that picture to Paula Greene. The gossip queen of Roosevelt High.

He opened up his Snapchat. It was the first thing he saw. "Shit!"

—

"You can't ground me f'r wantin' ta see my brotha'," Race argued, slow tears still sliding down his face. He leaned against the cool window, making a point to curl up in the corner of the subway, away from his foster father.

The man reached to put his hand on the boy's knee. Race rolled his eyes and wiped at his cheeks again. "No... you're right. I can't ground you for wanting to see your brother..." he agreed, thumbing over the kid's leg. "I can ground you for making a fake ID and not ever telling me where you're going. You know that I don't want you going down to the prison alone."

"You're not my dad!" Tyler insisted, pulling out of the man's reach. He curled in even further on himself and sniffled as his throat tightened. He hugged himself tight and refused to look Denton in the eye.

The man didn't argue with him. He didn't try to touch him again. He just let the boy ignore him for a minute as the phone in his pocket received notification after notification. Reaching into his pocket he took it out, hoping to just turn it off, before he saw the somewhat alarming messages that were popping up on his foster son's screen.

He opened it.

The boy scoffed. "Really? You're gonna look through my texts now?"

Denton ignored him, finding the thing that all the chaos was about. A picture. A picture he didn't like at all. "TJ, who is this?"

Not even looking down at the screen, Race shook his head and crossed his arms. "Nobody," he mumbled. His eyes glossed over again as he tried hard not to think about it.

But Denton was still scrolling through the cell phone. "Tyler... someone posted it..."

That's what really got Race's attention. His gaze shot over to the man. "What?" Albert wouldn't do that. Albert was still his best friend.

"Okay, calm down..." Denton tried when the boy shot up and grabbed for his small device. "Tyler, stay calm please-"

The boy grasped at his hair tightly, shaking his head. "I'm... I'm not out!" He admitted into the empty train. "Bryan, you n' my brothers n' Al are the only ones who knew!"

The man placed a quick hand on the boy's back and pulled him close, locking his phone as more messages appeared, some asking if he was okay, others teasing him and calling him names. He gently took the phone back and pulled the kid to him. Race resisted, but only for a moment. That was when he just let it all go.

He sobbed. And he let Denton have the phone. He wanted his brothers. He wanted his father. He wanted his mother to come back. He wanted it to feel like Christmas. He wanted so badly to sit in the kitchen on Jack's lap and help him decorate cookies and hear Crutchie singing carols at the top of his lungs. He wanted his brothers and his parents and he just wanted it to be Christmas.

And now his best friend was mad at him. And all he could be was angry and terrified that he was losing that too.

"Okay... it's okay..." Denton soothed, letting the boy lay in his lap and holding him gently. Race had been with him for almost a year. He loved the kid like he was his own. But Race was still having trouble without his big brothers. "It'll be okay, buddy..."

From the bottom of his heart, the man hoped it would be.

—

Eventually they made it home. Race had calmed down just a bit by then, settling for a couple sniffles and his foster father's arm around his shoulders.

It was warm inside. Race relaxed a bit at the smell of the Christmas tree that was light over in the corner. He let the dim lights calm him even further as he kicked his shoes off and left them by the door. "Lemme guess, straight ta my room?" he asked, knowing he was still in trouble.

But a hand settled down on his shoulder and before he could argue Denton had brought him back into a tight hug. And Race melted into him. "I'm sorry..." he sighed. "I didn't mean ta-"

"Shhhh..." the man soothed, rubbing a hand up and down the boy's back. "I know that it's hard. I know that you miss having Christmas with your family. I know that I'm not your biological father... but I do care about you," he promised, letting the kid rest against him, taking most of his weight. "I'm sorry about what's happenin'. I'm sure Albert didn't mean it, but that doesn't mean it's okay..."

"I just... I like Spot... n' Albert doesn't... I didn't think he would do somethin' like this..." Denton pet the kid's hair as he whispered. "I thought maybe seein' Jack would make me feel betta'..." he admitted, resting his cheek on his foster father's shoulder. "He loves Christmas time..." A small smile came onto his lips as reminisced on old memories. "One year we stayed in a shelter... Jack dressed up as Santa Claus f'r the kids... he got... um... got some money ta get them some toys n' some candy..."

A small laugh escaped Denton as he pulled away and cupped the boy's face to thumb at Tyler's tears. "That sounds like Jack," he stated with a small nod.

The boy glanced down at the ground. "It ain't fair..." he breathed.

"I know, kiddo," Denton assured. "But hey... he's comin' home... he'll be here for Christmas..."

The boy let out a small laugh. "Yeah, I gotta go out shoppin'... make up f'r last Christmas," he joked.

Denton nodded. "How 'bout we go together?"

"Okay," Race smiled, blinking and realizing for the first time how tired he was. "Can I call Charlie n' say goodnight?" he asked.

Running a hand over the boy's hair, the man nodded. "Yeah... use the home phone..."

"Alright, old man," Race teased, offering a sad smile to his guardian before sliding away from him and scooping up the phone off of the kitchen counter.

He dialed a familiar number with no hesitation and then walked into the living room, flopping back down on the couch. "Hey..." he sighed as his brother picked up the phone, not even letting the older boy get a word in.

"Hey, kid..." Charlie greeted. "I've been tryin' ta call you for a while. You okay?"

Swinging his legs over the edge of the armrest, Race shrugged. "It's been a long day..." he stated vaguely. "I saw Jack... he's doin' okay..."

"I didn't ask about Jack, buddy. I'm askin' about you," Charlie insisted. "How're you?"

Letting his eyes slide shut for a moment, the boy shrugged again. "Al n' I got in a fight t'day... n' he posted a picture a' me n' a boy... n' I'm grounded cause I went ta see Jack by myself n' now I'm tired n' I don't wanna go back ta school 'r work... n' I really miss you," he sighed, beginning to feel his body grow more and more exhausted as the minutes ticked by.

"I miss you more than ya know, pal... I'm sorry you're havin' a tough time..." his brother said sadly. "I gotta be honest though... Al called me ta tell me who you've been seein'..." he admitted. Race made a small squawk of offense before Charlie cut him off. "Hey! I'm not sayin' nothin', I just need ta ask if he's been bein' good ta you. I'm your big brother, it's my job ta look out for ya."

"I know, but-"

"Is he bein' good ta you?" Charlie pushed again.

Biting his lip as he pondered over the question, Race sighed. "Yeah... yeah he is... he's sweet on me, Charlie... I like him... I like him a lot..."

"So? Tell me about him..."

Even with his eyes still closed, Race grinned.

He began to ramble on and on about this bad boy from Brooklyn who had made a complete fool of himself while trying to ask the blond boy to just go on a date with him. He told him about the leather wearing, tattoo covered jock had bought him frozen yogurt and taken him to the mall where they'd met puppies that the older boy melted over.

And Charlie laughed. "Okay... okay... well, I'm happy for you, pal. But if he ever gives you trouble, you tell me. I'll be there in a heartbeat."

"If Jack doesn't get to him first," Race joked, running a hand through his unruly blond curls. "Thanks, Crutch..." he whispered as he saw Denton walk around the couch to face him, telling him that it was time for him to go to bed. "The old man wants me off the phone..."

Denton stuck his tongue out at him. And Race laughed.

Charlie did too. "Okay... well, Goodnight, kiddo... n' Racer?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't shut Albert out... whatever happened... I'm sure he didn't mean ta do what he did, okay? He's your best friend. He loves you..."

Without even thinking much on it, Race nodded. "I know..." he admitted. "Goodnight, Charlie... I love you."

"I love you, Tyler James," Charlie responded. And then he hung up.

Smiling a little easier, Race set the phone aside and looked up at his guardian. "Thank you, Denton," he breathed, looking more than exhausted.

The man nodded. "You're welcome, TJ," he smiled. "Now go to bed."

With a dramatic sigh, Race flung his legs over the front of the couch and stood up, walking over and wrapping his arms around his foster father's chest from behind. "Love ya," he whispered. And then he walked up the stairs to his room and quietly shut the door.

What he didn't know was the joy he'd just placed in his guardian's heart.

"Love you too, buddy..."

—

Albert awoke to the sound of his phone ringing at six AM on Sunday morning. He groaned, not even lifting his face from its place buried in his pillow as he reached for his phone and placed it next to his ear. "What?!"

"Get up. I have coffee, made by Denton. It's time ta go Christmas shoppin'."

"Racer?"

"You have fifteen minutes before I finish pancakes and come get you up myself," he threatened, before hanging up the phone.

Pancakes. Albert sat up quick. Race was already downstairs.

He did as he was told, knowing not to challenge his best friend when he made these kinds of threats, especially not when both of his brothers were hanging out, making breakfast in their kitchen.

The wake up would be brutal.

He was up in seconds, practically barreling down the stairs and into the kitchen where he saw his best friend laughing up at the kitchen island with Albert's four year old niece talking about something with chocolate chip pancakes filling up her mouth. No one understood her. But it sure was entertaining.

"Race..."

The blond boy turned to him, his smile fading just a bit. But Race didn't yell. He didn't scream. He just nodded. "Hey, Albie. I brought you some famous 'Denton coffee'," he offered, grabbing a travel mug off the counter. "And Killian is makin' you pancakes so that we can hit the road soon," he explained easily.

Albert cocked his head to the side, but took the offered coffee. Denton made the best coffee. "Uh... thanks..." he breathed, his voice still rough with sleep.

The slightly taller boy nodded and went to turn back to his pancakes.

But Albert was quick. He rushed forward and embraced his best friend, shocking him for a minute. "I'm so sorry, Race!" he whispered out quick. "I didn't mean ta send no one that picture! I swear! I thought I deleted it n'-"

"Albert, calm down!" Race insisted, pulling out of the embrace. "It's okay... I just... I realized that, you're my best friend... and it would take so much time ta find another one if I killed ya," he joked, pulling away and ducking when Albert swatted at him. "Okay! Okay, I'm sorry too! I know you're just tryin' ta look out f'r me, Al. Sometimes it's just... hard..." he admitted with a small shrug.

"How's Jackie doin', Racer?" Killian asked as he flipped over some pancakes on the stove.

"Doin' just fine, man... he's, uh, he's gettin' released in two weeks," he admitted, grinning when Albert gasped at the news. Killian turned around, his face lighting up too. "Yeah, he just told me yesterday. He'll be home for Christmas!"

Albert smiled. It was no wonder Race was so happy all of the sudden. He wasn't complaining. He was sure Race would still be mad at him from time to time. But right now, Race was too happy to angry.

He just wanted it to be Christmas.

"I'm so happy for you, Teej," he said. Race giggled and hugged him again. "We shoppin' for Jack?"

Race nodded. "Yeah... and some others..." he admitted.

"Well then... let's get this show on the road!"

—

Race stood practically bouncing up and down in the light snow as he waited. He'd never smiled so much in his whole life.

Because there, walking towards him, was the very person who'd raised him. The one who'd done everything in his power to make sure he'd be okay.

There was Jack, wearing jeans and a leather jacket that Denton insisted he have. He had one of his old beanies on his head and his old, worn boots. He grinned when his eyes landed on his little brother.

And he started running.

Race couldn't help it. He ran too.

He giggled when they collided and Jack lifted him up off the ground in a bone crushing embrace. "Hey there, baby!" the young man cried, holding the kid close to his chest and walking him back over to Denton's car, the boy's feet dangling just above the asphalt.

He seemed even more physically built than Race had last noticed. He didn't pay much mind to it. He tightened a hand in Jack's hair and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. "Hey, Jackie," he breathed, sobs wanting to rip from his throat. He held them back. They were still in public. He could wait.

He was happy. All he could be was happy.

"I missed you, Tyler James," Jack laughed, setting his boy back on his feet before inspecting him. "Alright, what d'we have here? I see three eyes, one ear, little horns, and... hey, these fangs look new!" he teased, ruffling the boy's hair before planting a kiss on his forehead.

Race just laughed. "I'm exactly how ya left me. Just a little taller," he added, giving Jack a wink. And Jack swooped in to hug him again. Race held fast to him, letting Jack drop quick, loving kisses all over his face and neck. The stubble growing around his big brother's cheeks and chin made it tickle. Race didn't care.

It was made clear quickly how badly Jack wished never to let go of his baby brother. Race never minded that. He was still bouncing. His face was buried in his brother's chest. He couldn't see the tears glistening in the man's eyes.

"Welcome back ta the real world, Jackie," another voice cut it.

Jack looked up from Race's long blond curls to see Albert standing beside the car, smiling contently. Denton was beside him. They all had tears in their eyes. So Jack pecked another kiss to his little brother's temple and lifted him up and over his shoulder. The boy squealed and laughed, just as his foster father and best friend did. Jack grinned, bringing Albert into a side hug. "Hey, little Red! How's it goin', kid?"

"Not too bad, Jackie," he promised. "I don't know how you kept him out of trouble for so long, though," Albert teased. The young man ruffled his hair.

Then Jack moved over to Denton who he immediately shook hands with. "Thank you," was all he was truly able to say.

Denton nodded. "Thank you for raising such a spectacular kid," he shot back.

Nodding and breathing out hard, his breath visible in the cold, Jack gently set his brother down as the tears escaped him. Happy, grateful, relieved tears. Those words had put them there.

Race grinned up at his brother when he was set back on the ground. Jack was looking at him with such pride and wonder all at once. "I love you so much, Tyler," he said again, wanting to cry even more. "So... so much..."

"I love you too, papa-bear," Race teased.

"Well, hey, has everyone forgotten about me?" a voice called from inside the car.

Jack's head shot over to the source. He almost collapsed. "Charlie?!" he cried, rushing over to the door and wrenching it open. The boy was sitting there with tears rushing down his cheeks and a charming grin that shines brighter than the sun. "I thought you couldn't come until-"

"I finished my finals early n' decided, eh I guess I'll go see my big brother," he stated cheekily. "But none a' that standin' out in the snow, shit. It's cold."

Shaking his head, Jack grabbed his brother by the wrist and pulled him closer until he was able to bring him into a proper embrace. The slightly younger boy stood on one leg, the other in a brace. A crutch lie on the ground of the car. Jack didn't pay any mind to it. He just held his brother close.

Race watched the scene in delight, stepping closer to his best friend and letting the redhead sling an arm around his shoulder.

December 22nd. It was Race's favorite day.

It felt like Christmas. It really did.

—

"Hey, Race?"

"Yeah, Al?"

"I'm really sorry f'r... ya know..."

"Outing me to the entire school and all of our coworkers?" Race asked, turning to look at his friend. They both lay over Race's bed, Race sideways one way his feet hanging off the right side of the bed, and Albert the other, with his feet dangling over the left. "Or f'r followin' me ta Brooklyn or basically bein' the stalker we all know you really are?"

Albert grabbed a pillow and hit his friend with him. Race let out a noise of false distress before laughing. "You deserve betta' n' what ya got, ya know?"

"Don't matta'," Race promised. Albert turned his head towards his friend. "I mean... I'm one a' the lucky ones. Throughout everythin'... I always had you... even if we were mad at each otha'," he explained.

Albert nodded as a smile took over his face. "I love ya, my brotha'," he stated as Race sat up and grabbed the Santa hat that lay on his nightstand.

Race put the thing on and turned back to him. "I love you, my Albie!" he whispered before standing up and rounding the bed, extending his hand to the other boy. "Shall we play Santa Claus?"

With a quiet laugh and a nod, Albert accepted. "We shall!"

Together, they bundled up a bag of gifts and tiptoed into the living room.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!" Race whispered into the quiet house.

Albert laughed.

It really was a Merry Christmas after all.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Much love!

@badthingshappenbingo

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mileycfan4eva33 · 4 years

Text

Fandom: SVU

Title:Epitaph Song

Chapter: 1 Down South

P O V: Amanda Rollins

Billy's Diner

Loganville, GA 2020

(A/N: Thank you as always for the readers who take the time to review, favorite or follow. As usual I own none of these SVU characters just my original characters. All others belong to NBC, Dick Wolf and Wold Ent. Jessie, Billie do not exist in this fic, I am still deciding if Noah dose or not. If you have a preference as to if you want Noah in it or not hit me up reviews motivate me.)

"Oh, Air Condition, thank God! It's hotter than a roasted pig on a skewer out there." Olivia Benson's laugh is light and airy as we enter the restaurant. "Oh, Amanda, I love your expressions, don't ever change. Seriously your southern drawl is so cute. Don't ever lose it."

"No worries, Olivia; it's been nearly ten years since I moved to New York. I haven't lost it yet." "Thanks again for coming down south with me. It means a lot."

"Your welcome Amanda, are you feeling any better since this weekend?" Shaking the soreness out of my weary bones I feel a yawn snaking up my jawlines as I try to fight it off to no avail, the yawn is relentless in its attempt to escape.

"A little thanks I am still tired and nausea I don't know why I slept all weekend, yet I still feel dizziness not as much as this weekend, but I am still weakened almost as if I am drained of all energy." Sliding into the booth, I lean back against the cool plastic backboard. "I'm sorry for calling out on you this weekend, Captain."

"Amanda, please, stop don't worry about it your health is too important don't apologize." "I am sorry, Liv, not just for this weekend, but now we're both away from NYC."

"Because your dad passed away, Amanda, we're not here on vacation. Kat and Fin understand, and Chief Garland sent two detectives to help out, SVU is covered. Please take some of this concern and apply it to yourself; you lost your dad. I know you haven't been close to him in years, but he is still your dad, give yourself the allowance to mourn, Amanda. Don't hide your emotions down and pretend that everything is perfectly fine."

"I don't think it's hit me yet, Olivia. I just don't feel anything." Olivia's hand slips over my hand as we lay them on the table, waiting on the waitress to come over to us. "It will Amanda, I don't know when sweetie, it may take weeks, days, months, but it will hit you. I just want you to know that I am here, honey, whenever you want to talk."

"Thank you, Liv; I appreciate this jester I know we haven't always been close, but I love the friendship that has been built over the last four years." "As do I Amanda. I love the trust that we've built within each other, the respect. Where is the waitress?"

"Liv, it's the south; we take our sweet time with everything, ain't no rushin' in the country life."

"You ever miss living down here, Peach?" "Honestly, Liv, there are parts I miss like my family, friends. I miss the comfort in knowing there is always someone here who will have your back. What I don't miss is everyone knowing everyone else business."

"Is that a true thing? Everyone else knows each other's business?"

As if God was given me a clue incomes Betsy Jane Rose "Oh, my bless my heart Amanda-Taylor Rollins, is that truly you?" I pick my head up, gritting my teeth as she comes flying inside the restaurant arms wild "Betsy Jane Mary-Sue it sure is, wow child it's been yonders since you've rolled back into these parts."

"Oh, I am so sorry about your daddy, such a shame bless your heart honey-bee."

"Oh well, how sweet of you, Ms. Betsy, so very kind of you thank you, how did you hear about my daddy's passing per se? We didn't put it in the Tribune or online."

"Oh, Sugar, you know how these things work, Lord, who needs that dingy old paper when we gave word of mouth. Has it been that long Darlin? Surely you remember the good old Betsy-Jane- Mary-Sue train."

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Oh Amanda, let me enlighten you wow New York City has slapped you silly, child. Anyways So Mary-Jo Higgins oh heavens I was born at night, but not last night! Duh, of course, you don't know who Mary-Jo Higgins is, well back in our days of youth she went by Mary-Jo Robins, so any who baby, Mary-Jo is now an RN."

"That's a Registered Nurse, by the way." "Yes, Ms. Rose, I know what an RN is."

"So yeah Mary-Jo works a that's Loganville Medical Center where your daddy was brought to by the Ambulance. So Mary-Jo was there when he passed bless his heart so Mary-Jo well you know good ol' Mary-Jo never could keep a secret so of course, she told her Mama who had to run down to the Salon to say to Ms. Sue who of course told the whole Salon."

Both of us laugh, "How did you find out, darlin?"

"Oh, you know this little thing called HIPPA they like to notify the Next of Kin, and since my parents you know divorced many moons ago, that would make me the eldest child his next of kin, since he hasn't gotten to remarry yet."

"Speaking of kin-folk dear, where is that sister of yours? She straighten her life out yet? Kimberly coming on her own?"

"No, Ma'am, I'm afraid she ain't gonna make it, you know the whole being in jail thing it kind of puts a cramp on a person's freedom. Thank you so much for coming over though, I sure don't want to keep you."

I don't give her a chance to answer quickly, sliding back into the booth turning to Olivia. Just as our waitress comes over. "good afternoon- honey pies, what can I get you ladies?" after we order, I lean back as Olivia starts to laugh, unable to hold in her amusement over Ms. Rose any longer. "So that's how news travels down south Captain." eagle eyeing Betsy across the room, I can already see she's on her cell phone. "Well, the whole damn town will know I am back soon enough." "that has to be frustrating, Amanda." "Oh, Liv, you ain't got a clue. Every day dealing with women like, is there any doubt about why I got out of here faster than a bat out of hell."

I stay silent about the other reason I left Georgia as soon as I was old enough my sexuality there's no room for differences here in the good old south. No way could I tell Olivia this though she has no idea I am a lesbian. "So, is your Mom coming?" "Lord, no Liv she's up in NY taking care of Mason, Mama said she was sorry the son of a bitch died, but she dumped his ass years ago, let his new hussy handle the affairs."

"My dear new sister, who I haven't even met yet. She's handling everything as per my dad's living will."

"Amanda, I am so sorry." "Don't be Olivia, I am fine." "Of course you are." I don't reply not because I don't have the response in me but because the doors burst open and a vast mass of people come pouring into the already packed diner.

"Amanda! It is true! You are back!" Tommy Jake Edwards "TJ" calls out "Yo Ms. Betsy Jane was right boys. Good Ol Rollins is back in town." there are rumblings from the entire group of men "Liv meet the former jocks of Loganville High School Pyro Red Devils who ruled LHS's halls from 1996-1999."

"Rollins, how can you sneak back into town and say nothing? Yo, Rollins, that is rude! I thought we were your boys!"

"Bump that T-rolls, I am pissed forget these clowns, I am your cousin! Uncle Jimmy is my kin-folk too. Where's my love?"

"Hey, Jensen, I just got back into town like literally ten minutes ago. I'm sorry it's been crazy these last few days. My head is still spinning. I haven't told anyone yet, sorry, truly."

Jensen's arms wrap around me tightly. "No worries, cuz. I got you. I am sorry I know you and your Pa wasn't close but damn it still sucks." "Thanks, Jensen, yeah, it does."

Coming out of his hug, I'm met by his brother Blake who I hug as tightly. "Yo boys will catch you later going to hang with family." the rest of the crew waves blowing me kisses as Liv, and I make room for these two. "Hi. I'm Olivia Benson, Amanda's boss, and friend."

"Oh honey-child we know who you are, we've heard all about you now haven't we Blake?" "Oh, yes, Yes, we have well let us introduce ourselves since Miss. Amanda has the manners of a pig. I am Blake Yankee; Jensen is my twin brother; our Mama is Amanda's dad sister."

"Were you three close growing up?" "Oh, tighter than chili papers, Mama, us, and our uncle TC's kids, our cousins Alonso and Scottie, are coming in tomorrow." "They called us the Rollin- Yankee-Terrors." Sipping my sweet tea, I groan, remembering all the names the seven of us use to get growing up. "don't tell her that she is my boss."

"Oh relax Junebug, it ain't like I told her about the time you put laxatives in Ernie Reynaldo's cornbread when you were ten and locked him in the outhouse for the whole day and told our teacher he ran away to the circus."

Olivia laughs so loudly. I feel my temperature rise in my face. "You what?" my face buries into the palms of my hands. "Yo, boy, that was nothing. Remember when we were twelve, and Kyle Kane told Manda she was uglier than a burnt barn, she took his pants and underwear while he was changing and threw it into the river."

Both boys bang on the table laughing, shoving each other as Olivia arched an eyebrow in my direction "Oh, yeah I do, she let the anger seethe inside all week till Saturday when the whole town was gathered for the annual fishing competition. When Kyle's dad was with the reporter for Atlanta news, Kyle comes walking bare-ass naked; the entire town saw him walking his little dude swinging in the breeze. Kyle was grounded for months. "

My embarrassment only increases as I lay my head down, groaning while all three laugh. "Oh, God, even as a kid, Amanda, you were a rule-breaker and a little shit-head." I feel Olivia's hand stroke mine laughing as she hangs her head down tears running down her face, which a lovely rose color.

I only pick my head up when the food arrives, feeling my whole body shiver and jolt as I lean back, smelling the greasy food. Reaching for the ketchup, I pop a fry in my mouth. I still can't shake this feeling of being drained or the tightness in my head.

"Oh My." another voice pops into my world as I see Mr. Jason Axson and Mrs. Janet Axson coming in with their two kids Christopher 17, Savannah 14. her voice cuts through the air. "How are you, Sugar?' "I am just peachy; thank you, just enjoying dinner with my family, here."

"Oh, of course, we don't mean to interrupt. You could use the food; obliviously, you are mighty thin sugar. Your daddy was right; they are working your tail to its bone up there in that big city unless you are sick again, darling."

"No Ma'am, I am right as a peach as I said, but I am trying to enjoy my dinner." "Yeah, Janet let these nice folks eat; worry about our own family; I do apologize, Miss. Amanda lovely to see you again, we shall pop in at another time."

Olivia's eyes stare right into mine. I know she's wondering about the "Are you sick again" line my face flushes as I look down, avoiding her eyes and the question. Another part of my past she has no idea about, My stomach rolls as I think about all the secrets and pressures I have on top of me, none of which Olivia needs to add to her plate.

"I need to use the bathroom, I'll be back, excuse me." getting up I start to head there, of course, a two-minute walk becomes ten as I am stopped by multiple people offering their condolences. My back hits the wall just as another wave of dizziness hits me; I do everything inside of me not to show it to anyone, I can see Olivia's eyes on me from across the room. Yet it isn't Olivia who catches my attention, rare I know.

This time, Savannah's voice so young, scared, and nervous. I am standing right next to their table as I hear Savannah say. "Mama, Daddy, I have something to tell you." Savannah's beautiful emerald eyes glisten as she stares at her parents. "I am a Lesbian, and I plan to come out this weekend at the prom."

Savannah's courage freezes me. I am forty and don't have the courage she has at fourteen-years-old. I can't think fast enough to react before her mom is out of her chair, smacking Savannah across her face. "You are not gay! Stop your lying, you fifthly whore! Who put these lies in your head? You are a good girl, a good baptist girl. Take it back!"

"No Mama, I can't I won't because I am gay, and yes I am a good girl, I am a baptist and MVP for the last two years in all the southern regions. I will play at college, and I will go pro, and my sexuality won't stop me from doing any of that."

"Fool, of course, it will, but you won't have to because you are not gay!"

"Mama, I am please just listen to me. Stop being such a bitch."

Her dad jumps up, grabbing at Savannah as I react, finally racing towards Savannah as Jason starts yelling. "Don't talk to your mother that way! Ever! No daughter of mine will be a sinner! I could deal with you being pregnant, not this! This is unforgivable. You either get over this phrase you little slut or you are OUT OF THIS FAMILY! Let's go now, Christopher, Janet leave her."

I hurry towards Savannah, who is trying with her whole body to remain strong as her family walks out. I know her face is stinging from the assault, but it's nothing like the pain in her soul. The rest of the restaurant sits there, not offering to help just turning to their families. My hands connect to Savannah's as I help her sit down "Sweetie, I am so sorry that your parents reacted to you."

"It's okay, ma'am, I excepted this. It was so so stupid-crazy to even except for any different outcome."

"No honey, it isn't it's not crazy or stupid to except unconditional love from your family; that's what parents are supposed to do. Of course, you wanted to tell them living in secrets, hiding who you are, it's exhausting. The if only or what-ifs or the I should have's, they take their tolls."

"It's 2020, not 1990 times have changed; maybe the south should catch up." My hands rub Savannah's back softly. "I'm from here honey, so I get it baby-girl I know how scary accepting your sexuality is, I know how painful it is to hold this all inside, to feel as if you ain't normal simply because you don't feel fireworks when the popular jocks kiss you."

"I knew that when I was thirteen, I felt it already I was great to hang out with boys all day when it came to playing ball, or telling dirty jokes or pulling pranks, but when it came to who I was attracted to sexually or emotionally, guys they just didn't do it for me. I could feel myself gravitating toward girls in ways that I didn't with boys."

"Don't let your sexual identity label you or define you—whether it be as lesbian, bisexual, asexual, or another term—how you choose to label yourself is not based on a checklist. You can still be everything you just told your parents; you can play any instrument you want to learn, you can be the best damn softball player this world's ever seen."

"Savannah, I started figuring it out at thirteen, but I didn't let myself act physically until I was 16, I kissed a girl at a party for the first time, and it was magical. Everything flowed so naturally, my body just knew what to do. I reacted to her in a way that felt right—the way I had always envisioned the first kiss to be. I tried saying I was bisexual for a quick minute and even had sex with several guys to prove that I wasn't an abomination the way the church, my family, and everyone else in this town always said gay people are. Still, I could feel myself gravitating toward girls in ways that I didn't with boys."

"Did your family accept you?"

"I don't know I never told anyone I was too scared. It was a different time back then before it got better or internet support. There were no Gay pride parades even now at forty living in NYC, a place filled with cultural and sexuality differences. I am still living in that small-town mindset. I can't tell anyone. I can't even tell the woman who I am madly in love with who I know is so accepting of people. Because I am still afraid that even with an open mind as beautiful as Olivia's, I am afraid she'll reject me."

"Savannah, I know this feels like the end of the world right now, it's not I am right by your side. I will support you; you can stay with me. Will get through this together."

"Thank you, Miss. Amanda. Thank you so much. I think you should tell this Olivia lady how you feel. Even with my parent's rejection, I feel such a weight off my chest; I feel as if I can finally breathe."

"Amanda, maybe you should listen to Savannah, she seems like a brave young lady, and I love women who are strong in body, mind, and spirit. You have a very sexy strong body, and I know your mind is sharp, so if you get some balls Amanda and tell me how you feel face to face, I think we might be able to make a beautiful connection, of our minds, souls and our bodies." Olivia's voice completely freezes every sense, emotion and body function inside of me. I can't speak, think, move or even breathe.

Did she just hear me confess my deepest feelings for her?

#rolivia #svu season 21 #svu fanfiction #svu fandom #amanda rollins #olivia benson

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