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#this is why i don't accept his word of god 'it's not two gay men it's an angel and a demon' vague nod towards them being nonbinary and/or
backlogbooks · 1 year
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Reading When The Angels Left the Old Country and I’m so enamored by every page, like the writing is just so wonderful and i’m in love with the characters and also i’m Very Nervous about events 
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zodiyack · 1 year
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Closed Doors
Pairing: Tommy Shelby x (nonship)daughter!Reader, Shelby family x (nonship)Shelby!Reader, Best friend character x fem!reader lol
Warnings: slight angst, fear of homophobia?, fluff, mention of drinking
Words: 414
Request: Hi! I was wondering could you do a pesky blinders fic where the reader is Tommy’s daughter and is gay but too afraid to come out until he finds her making out with her best friend one day (much like your Tommy’s son fic but with a lady?)
Note: oh god i haven't been able to write for a while, and im posting this on mobile (also meaning it'll take a bit to put it on my master list) regardless i hope it's okay. I also forgot who all is on the taglist now, this is just the taglist from when i saved this as a draft. Hope you enjoy!
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Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @captivatedbycillianmurphy, @jenepleurepasbaby, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @stuckysslag, @psychkunox, @i-love-superhero, @marquelapage, @peakyxtommy, @stydia-4-ever, @babylooneytoonz, @livlaughquinn​, @bubsonnobx​
Masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist
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Tommy walked along the street, pointing out random boys and joking with his brothers. "Wonder what kind of lad Y/N will end up with..." Not that he'd accept just anyone in his daughter's life.
Arthur snorted, "any guy out here would have to go through me. John and you too, no doubt."
John and Thomas nodded with a hearty laugh. "They'd have to fight that friend of hers too, she never leaves her side."
The men continued to bicker and chortle on their walk to the house.
"Hello Mr. Shelby!" Sonia chimed. Sonia was always welcomed, Y/N's best friend. She never had to ask, simply walk through the front door. He greeted her back as she sped up the stairs to Y/N's room, closing the door behind her.
After a few hours, and after the rest of the company went out, Thomas decided he wanted to go to Garrison. As he was the only one home, aside from the two girls, he made his way up the stairs to notify them of his absence.
The courtesy of knocking escaped him as he pushed her door open, the payment for such action taking a gasp from his parted lips. Before him was the sight of his daughter and her best friend, lips upon each other's, quickly separating at the sound of the door.
"Dad-" Y/N's eyes welled with tears, crushing Tommy's heart, and seemingly Sonia's as she looked to her friend with concern.
"Mr. Shelby, I promise-"
"Don't." He looked down and leaned against the door frame. "Why do you feel the need to hide away? Why couldn't you tell me?"
"I'm sorry..." She sobbed quietly.
"Don't be. It's who you are, what is there to be sorry about?"
Sonia perked up, "you're not mad?"
Thomas let out a genuine chuckle. "Why would I be?"
"My parents...they weren't too fond of my attraction to Y/N. We feared that you'd feel the same." He felt empathy for the shaking girl, her gaze averted in shame.
"I take pity that your parents are ignorant. You cannot control who you love. In this case, it's my daughter. My only asks, are that you treat her well..."
The girls looked hopeful, staring at him anticipating his continuation. "And?"
"And that you keep the door open when you're in her room. I trust that you can respect these requests. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to the Garrison and have a drink."
-
Bonus:
"do you think he's drinking because of us?" Sonia asked fearfully.
Y/N chucked, "no, he just likes to drink."
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hawkinsglasscloset · 2 months
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Sappho Punch | Bottoms x Stranger Things AU
Chapter 1: All is Fair in Love and War
Word count: 2k
Warning: strong language, mention of SA, mention of violence and blood.
A/n: So my obsession with the movie Bottoms and my obsession with the show Stranger Things came together to create this baby. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Comments are greatly appreciated :3
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Fall came, but the weather was still pretty summer-like. There was a soft breeze and a sky sprinkled with stars, making that night the perfect night to finally talk to the girl of your dreams. The only issue was... maybe the girl of your dreams was also the girl of your best friend's dreams. 
Hazel and Robin had been friends since third grade, they bonded over being tomboys and eventually their friendship grew deeper, but never into a relationship. They simply could not see each other in that way, not to mention they both were more into femmes, which led them down a long road of falling in love with straight girly girls. 
They usually went for the opposite type, it definitely made things easier when it came to relationships (or the lack thereof, in their case since they were both virgins), they never fought over a girl in all their years of friendship. 
Robin was more into petite redheads and blondes who could sing or play some instrument. Meanwhile, Hazel liked brunettes or girls with colorful hair, taller than her and on the chubbier side.
Unfortunately, as there's a first time for everything, this time they were both in love with the same girl. She wasn't exactly Robin's usual type, neither was she Hazel's usual type. 
Men usually say bros before hoes, straight girls say chicks before dicks, what do gay girls say? Chicks before clits? Well, something of the sort was decided between the two friends. They were definitely NOT gonna fight over some girl. 
And if she ever happened to show interest in any of them... the other would have to gracefully accept it and move on with no hard feelings. All is fair in love and war, but losing someone who has been in your life before you could even do long division was a price they were not willing to pay for coochie.
"If you don't say hi, I'm gonna say hi," Robin said with a nonchalant shrug. 
"She's definitely straight! What are you even thinking?" Hazel cried nervously as she fidgeted with a big roll of tickets and waited for her cotton candy.
"She's British! Maybe that's how British people are... straight looking," Robin shook her friend by the shoulders. 
"I don't think so, I think in Britain they're even gayer looking than usual," Hazel took the cotton candy and shoved part of it in her mouth. "Look! PJ and Josie!" 
The unpopular, supposedly untalented, lesbian crew of Rockbridge Falls was almost all there after the two arrived, Sylvie was the only one missing, but... nobody really wanted Sylvie around (except for her stepdad, of course). 
"What happened to your arm?" Hazel asked, seeing that Josie had a cast on. 
"She ate shit," PJ laughed. 
"She ate literal shit? What the fuck?" Hazel chuckled. "Did you get beat up again? Were you jumped? Was it spy camp? Did you go to juvie?" 
"Yeah, we went to juvie," PJ sarcastically sneered. 
"OH MY GOD, IT WAS JUVIE?" Hazel gasped just as Jeff, their golden boy from the football team was introduced in the most ridiculous fashion, making all the girls scream and beg him to fertilize their eggs. 
"Why are people so obsessed with him?" Robin mumbled. "He has a round jawline... like a girl." 
"I don't get why girls like boys like that. They're like dogs or pigs or... what's the grossest animal?" PJ huffed while the Viking players passed by them without caring if they bumped into someone. 
"The human being, no animals are gross" a soft voice answered her question.
"Naomi!" Robin nearly screamed.
"Where?" Hazel turned and squealed when she was met with the girl she'd been dreaming of for about a year since she moved from London with her mother. 
Naomi was the British straight girl in question. She was tall, taller than both Hazel and Robin (who was already quite tall), but in a delicate way. Her many curves were perfectly hugged by her bellbottom jeans and a crop top that said vegan women taste better. 
She had long jet-black hair and pale skin which gave her a Snow White quality that made both Hazel and Robin lose their minds.
"Hey, mate," Naomi smiled, as her cheerleader friends, Isabel and Brittany joined her. 
While PJ and Josie fumbled to talk to the other two, Hazel and Robin stared at Naomi without knowing what to say. It was like she always stole all the words from their brains. 
"I see you're vegan," Robin pointed at the shirt. 
"Yeah, I don't like to take part in any kind of animal exploitation," Naomi sweetly replied. "They are friends, not food." 
"Did you know Hazel worked all summer on her uncle's farm? In the slaughterhouse!" 
"Shut up!" Hazel hissed and then put a smile back on. "I didn't... I worked at the National Meat Association." 
"That's well bad," Naomi frowned. 
"I know, right? I don't even eat meat-"
"Yeah you do, your favorite food is steak," Robin said before being elbowed right in the boob by her friend. 
"Meat is murder... I just needed a job," Hazel tried to save face. 
"If you don't mind me asking, how much do you get paid there?" Naomi tilted her head. 
"Fifteen bucks an hour, it's pretty good," it really wasn't, not for handling guts and blood for hours and coming home every day looking like the final girl from a slasher film. 
"Say what, if you're interested, the golf course I work at needs new caddies, they pay twenty quid an hour plus tips. The old guys usually tip well if you laugh at their bad jokes."
"Wait, seriously? And I'd get to work with- with you?" Hazel's eyes lit up, not even caring if the old men in question happened to be pervs or not. 
"Yeah, kinda. I drive around serving drinks, we'd see each other all the time."
"Yes, please! I'd love that! The job, I'd love that job!" 
"I'll give you my manager's number tomorrow and you can give her a call to apply, you have the right build for it," Naomi said, eyeing the cotton candy. "Can I get a little bit?" 
"O-of course! Take all of it!" Hazel handed her the remaining of her treat.
"C-could I get a job?" Robin asked timidly. 
"I thought you worked at the video store, you don't like it there?" Hazel quirked an eyebrow at her friend. 
Before Robin could answer, PJ and Josie stormed out, snatching the big roll of tickets from Hazel and giving it to Brittany. 
"Hey, no, steady on," Naomi took the big roll of tickets back from her teammate. "These are Hazel's." 
"She knows my name," Hazel whispered to herself.
"But the little Dutch boy gave it to us," Brittany protested without any heat behind her words, as usual. 
"Don't be a twat, go buy your own," Naomi handed the roll back to Hazel and followed her friends to the nearest ride. "Have fun!" 
"Don't you work at the video store?" Robin repeated in a mocking tone once they were alone. "Fuck you, Hazel! Eat a bag of uncircumcised veiny dicks!" 
"You did way worse! You told her I eat steak!"
"You do!"
"I can stop."
"Isn't your mom throwing a barbecue tomorrow?"
"I can stop... after tomorrow. Anything for love!"
**
The next morning, when school finally started, Jeff showed up in crutches. He looked completely fine with the exception of a nasty black eye, which left PJ and Josie puzzled. 
Yes, they had technically driven into him the night before, but the car barely touched his leg, how the hell did he get hurt like that? He refused to explain anything more than the fact that he was supposedly run over.
That's what they tried to explain to Principal Meyers, but he wasn't having it, he had to protect their perfect quarterback... to escape expulsion then, Josie made up a story. 
She said they were just practicing for their self-defense club, to help the girls be prepared to face Huntington players that might want to hurt them, which had already started to happen. 
"I can't believe they're letting you guys start a fight club," Hazel chuckled as she ate her lunch next to Josie and PJ on the bleachers. 
"No, they're not, we are not!" Josie shook her head, too scared to even think about it. 
"Of course we are! Did you see the way Brittany and Isabel were looking at us?" PJ countered.
"Wait... girls were looking at you because they thought you ran over Jeff?" Hazel asked, her interest piqued.
"Hell yeah! Nothing makes a girl wetter than displays of power and strength," PJ nodded. "If we get this fight club going, we can get whatever girl we want. We just have to learn how to fight..." 
"You guys probably fought girls in juvie."
"We were lying about that, obviously!" 
"About juvie? Why would you lie to me?" Hazel asked, unintentionally looking like a mistreated puppy. 
"You assumed, I just didn't correct you," PJ rolled her eyes. "We just need to teach girls how to not get punched in the face, easy, and they drop their panties!" 
"Hey, hey guys! Did you hear?" Robin ran towards the trio suddenly. "Huntington shot up our books so the library is out of order again this year!" 
"No, actually... we're discussing creating a fight club to teach the girls self-defense," Hazel squinted, her blue eyes hurting from the sun hitting her face. "We can start with taekwondo, which I got covered."
"Wait, why are we even doing this? This sounds dumb," Robin started eating the sandwich her mother packed in a plastic grocery store bag. 
"We teach a bunch of girls how to defend themselves against the evil Huntington killers. They are grateful to us, we build a community, we bond, we share, we connect," PJ explained while gesturing with her hands and her hips. "We're punching each other, adrenaline is flowing, next thing we know Brittany is kissing me on the mouth!" 
"I take it back..." Robin shared a look with Hazel. "We definitely need a fight club. Hazel, bring Stella-Rebecca! She'll attract the cheerleaders."
"You know Stella-Rebecca?" Josie sat up, starting to consider the idea.
"We're family friends," Hazel shrugged.
It was true, but before even thinking of Stella-Rebecca, Hazel and Robin had bigger priorities.
"Naomi will be so impressed, she'll need to bring an extra pair of underwear to practice every week, cause she'll soak through the first!" Robin cheered quietly. She was usually shy and nervous, but they had a real shot this time, she couldn't throw it away.
"Shhh..." Hazel held a finger in front of her lips when she heard Naomi's voice coming from the principal's office. 
"I'm really sorry," she said. "But he tried to grope me."
"He's a boy, Naomi! He doesn't know any better!" Principal Meyers argued. "We won't make any of this public because it would hurt Jeff's image, but you can't just punch someone for their natural instincts.
"Naomi gave Jeff the black eye!" Hazel whispered. 
"Shit... it won't be as easy as we thought to impress her with our sexy fighting skills," Robin mumbled, but then she smiled. "But on the other hand, she has sexy fighting skills!" 
Hazel nodded, understanding right away and as soon as the principal's office door opened, Naomi was stopped by both girls. 
"Hey! Don't you think there's a lack of female solidarity at this school?" Robin asked, trying to sound casual. 
"Um... what?" Naomi narrowed her eyes. 
"You know, that Huntington player who fucked that girl's face up, we should do something about it," Hazel suggested, almost as if she just had that idea on the spot. "Hey, why don't you come over to our self-defense club after class?" 
"Self-defense club?" Naomi breathed. 
"Yeah, like a fight club! You can beat up people in the name of feminism!" Robin nodded excitedly. 
"Today at 3:15," Hazel added. 
"Okay, I guess it sounds nice. I'll be there," Naomi smiled as she walked away. "See you guys later!"
"May the best tomboy win?" Robin held out her hand.
"Oh, I will," Hazel teased, shaking her friend's hand.
Tag List: @mrprettywhenhecries @elliethesuperfruitlover
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ageofgeek · 9 months
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on second thought i dont really want ops notifs flooded w this so dont reply there if you must
Thank you! I don't want to clutter up OP either. My reply is somewhat long, so don't feel compelled to respond if you're not interested. But I wanted to get some of these thoughts off my chest.
So, to respond to your first point: "yeah but this is all operating under the assumption that they were ever intended to be ace rep, or rep for people who dont have sex. which is just an odd and very specific expectation to have for seemingly no reason, why them specifically? no one ever makes comments about het ships like this. all youre saying could be true but also could not be true. its just a really unecessary thing to insert into a post like this"
For one, Neil Gaiman has explicitly accepted the interpretation of Crowley & Aziraphale as ace and/or aro. He (and fans who HC A&C as ace) primarily bases this off of several lines in the book identifying angels and demons as "sexless." This has been interpreted by both Gaiman and fans as meaning that angels & demons are non-binary/agender (and rightfully so!). However, as Gaiman points out in his tweet, it is just as easy to interpret this as angels and demons literally not having an interest in sex.
So, if you're asking why some fans have latched onto A&C as ace rep, it's because (1) one of the authors of the book - and the creator and writer of the TV show - has explicitly identified asexuality as a possible interpretation, and (2) there is explicit textual evidence supporting such a reading. That doesn't seem like "seemingly no reason" to me.
As for it being unnecessary to go into ace discourse on such an innocuous post, I completely agree (so ty for sending this ask so it doesn't continue in OP's post). I understand my fellow ace fans' frustration or disappointment with the season 2 kiss, but it's unnecessary to be complaining about it in completely unrelated posts.
To your second point: "its kind of raining on someone elses parade when theyre excited abt azcrow just having been established as explicitly romantic in the show talking about their own interpretation of the two to make comments like that. the headcanons are fine on their own but read the room"
For the record, I ship Aziracrow in the TV show as romantic. I read them as romantic, I think they're explicitly canon as a romantic couple, and I think it's pretty difficult to deny that. I'm one of the people celebrating Aziracrow as canonically romantic! So I certainly hope that I'm not raining on my own parade. But just as you mentioned that "ace people can have sex," ace people can also be in romantic relationships. It's actually very common. It is completely valid - and moreover, compliant with TV canon - for fans to interpret Aziracrow as an asexual romantic relationship. And as I discussed above, there is Word of God and explicit textual support for this reading.
This is more tangential to your point, but I'd like to link this blog post by an ace GO fan and this post about GO non-binary rep. They both make the point that queer representation is not and has never been limited to two cis gay men in a romantic relationship. Relationships with non-binary people are queer. Ace relationships are queer. Queer-platonic relationships are, you guessed it!, queer. The relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley is inherently queer, regardless of how that relationship presents. This is true in the TV show, and it is true in the book, which was published over 30 years ago!
I am happy that Aziracrow kissed in season 2. I am happy with the direction the show is going. And yet, it's disappointing that some fans interpret the kiss as the "moment" that Aziracrow became romantically canon, or the "moment" that they became queer. Because for many fans - especially ace and non-binary/trans fans - they had been in a queer relationship all along! As that ace GO fan pointed out: "In our sex-steeped culture, the idea that deep, devoted love does not have to involve sex is unfathomable. It’s why the very existence of asexuality is questioned."
And if you HC Aziracrow as sexual beings, that's 100% valid! I'd be lying if I said I had never read Aziracrow smut. But I simply argue that an interpretation of Aziracrow as asexual is no more and no less valid.
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denimbex1986 · 3 months
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Known in France for having played the “hot priest” in the series “Fleabag” and Moriarty in “Sherlock”, Irish actor Andrew Scott is heartbreaking as a bereaved solitary screenwriter in “Without Ever Knowing Us” by Andrew Haigh, in which his chemistry with Paul Mescal sparks. With him, we talked about “growing up gay” in the eighties, the importance of loving yourself to love others and the “appearance” of Paul Mescal.
The English title of the film All of Us Strangers (“strangers all as much as we are”, in French) is very beautiful: it carries the idea of ​​solitude, of encounters, of ghosts. How do you interpret it?
I love it. I actually like the fact that it allows a multitude of interpretations. There is something about it that moves me: the fact that there is the word “we” in it, this inclusive side. For me, this title says that we can only meet, know each other, if we have the courage to love each other. If you don't make this effort, everyone can seem foreign to you, your children, your parents, the people closest to you. You can miss people if you don't let them in.
Concerning the character of Adam, you paint a very sensitive portrait of a gay man who grew up as a child in the 1980s. You, who are roughly of the same generation as Andrew Haigh, did you discuss together how what did you grow up with?
Oh yes, a lot. You know, it was a very different, difficult time to grow up. My journey isn't my character's journey, but there are so many things I could relate to... Part of my work was going back to that place in childhood where I felt vulnerable , ashamed, confused, fearful. The other half was more about embracing my adult side, which is what you experience when you fall in love.
Your character grew up grieving and was never able to come out to his parents. How do you think this affected him?
I think it has slowed down his development, he is in a kind of purgatory. Almost thirty years after their deaths, there is a part of him that he has never been able to access, because he has not been able to be seen fully by the people he misses most in the world. I think that's why he summons them, to tell them who he is. Even though it is painful, full of resentment, for me, this act is courageous. This allows him to let someone else into his life, to nourish a form of hope. Once you accept yourself, you can love others.
Like Adam, are there any memories you can't let go of?
Of course. Adam says it doesn't take much to go back to childhood, back to how you felt. As an actor, I have to keep this part of my childhood alive, be as playful as possible. I keep these memories, these sensations close at hand because I never had formal training as an actor. I learned a lot by doing theater and by keeping the memory of the child that I was.
Have you seen the feature film Weekend (2012) , one of Andrew Haigh's first very intimate films about the dazzling encounter between two men? In your opinion, can we compare the two films on the idea of ​​romantic intensity?
Yes. Andrew has a real talent for understanding what goes into this connection between two beings, the sometimes bizarre way in which love manifests itself. The reason people love these two films, to me, is that they are relatable. They're like, "Oh my god, I've felt that way before." » Andrew manages to create this feeling with the sex scenes, the romantic scenes. He is very aware of what people are like. And he's good at casting: he knows which performers will have the energy to bring his vision to life.
In a sketch for a charity, you played a priest to whom the character played by Paul Mescal in Normal People came to confess. Without ever knowing us, was it a way of prolonging this very intimate dialogue between you?
Paul played in Normal People, me in Fleabag , and we did this sort of little sketch to bring our two characters together. We hadn't really worked together before that, but we knew each other a little. It really played a role in creating this electricity between us on screen.
In quite a few interviews, Paul Mescal refers to you as a mentor, an inspiration. How do you feel about this?
Oh, well, I'm not sure I can be a mentor. He himself inspired me so much... He is an actor with an extraordinary soul, who works hard. He is one of the most important professional relationships I have had. On the set, we were sensitive to what the other needed. I think our on-screen chemistry has to do with this listening between us. It's like we're hyper-aware of each other, not just focused on ourselves like robots. You know, it's chemical. I think that’s what makes good acting.
In the various productions Fleabag , Jimmy's Hall or Angels in America , you play characters with a spiritual connection. Why do filmmakers see that in you?
Yes, it's strange, I've played a lot of characters who struggle with faith. I was raised in a very Catholic Ireland, so that interests me a lot. I'm not really into religion anymore, but it still obsesses me. I like the idea that the only thing that accompanies you throughout life until you die is your breath, your breathing.'
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skinzchoerim · 1 year
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instinct pt.1 and instinct pt.2 stOryline analysis
I've spent a lot of time in the past year thinking about these two albums. I found it curious that the first three songs mention women, skinz says gender doesn't matter and the rest of the songs are gender neutral while the MVs are gay. Since today is instinct pt.2's first anniversary and it's an album that changed my life, here's the story I've come up with (based purely on the lyrics and descriptions, not the MVs).
We can safely assume that the bOy wearing cOmme des garçOns, our main character in this series, is meant to be bisexual. From what I've gathered, it's common for bisexual people to realise their attraction to the opposite gender first (since it's already expected and easier to explore) and get the full picture of their sexuality later. libidO is about exploration and experimentation, and I always thought the line "girl, I just wanna know" was referring to exactly that - experimenting and starting with the "safer" option first, but still being aware of your blooming queerness in the back of your mind, accepting and understanding your libido as a whole through this first experience.
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Next is yOu can tOuch it if yOu can't feel it. In libidO, he wasn’t acting on his desires yet, it was all an internal monologue about things he feels and wishes to take further. The longer he didn’t act on it, the stronger and more uncontrollable it became. After accepting his libido as an internal thing, in instinct he explores it further, no longer questioning and thinking, but acting on it with another person. I really like the line "Why the hell were you drawn to my wandering?" because it highlights that this is just the beginning of his journey of self discovery. He found someone he's attracted to and he doesn't question that, but he's also aware in the back of his mind that it's not the end, he's still lost and has more questions than answers. For now, though, he chooses to focus on this moment and this person.
Another line I find interesting is "I don't want your love tonight because it hurts." A lot of OOO's pre-instinct era songs' messages give me the impression that in order to have a full, satisfying, healthy relationship, the subject needs to grow up, understand and accept himself. Even in relationships with women, he can't just suppress and not think about his queerness, because in the long run, it'll become poison to the relationship. It's a vital part of his nature and not exploring it at all is doing himself injustice and stopping his growth as a person. I'm not here to say whether this is true or not, but it makes sense to me with some of their songs.
Moving onto byredO - since it's his first relationship and "the emotion of love of the boy, who is yet to become a grown-up, is quite impulsive and fickle", it turns unhealthy and obsessive. The interesting this is, hOly week is the previous track, not the next like one might expect. It's because he's been slowly turning away from god and he turns his worship elsewhere, letting his desires consume him. He doesn’t see his lover for the person she is, only focusing on the physical aspect of their relationship and putting it above anything else, her scent his new god.
tear Of gOd is repentance for following his impulses. He feels the promised paradise slipping away as he realises he can no longer reach it, both because of how he acted in the relationship and because of the constant awareness of his attraction to men. He begs for forgiveness and tries to feel closer to god again, but it's not the same anymore. His indulgence in pleasure already put distance between his faith and himself, and going back just causes him to feel more guilty, so he takes a different approach.
I called it yOu but it was actually me is a curious phrase that's been torturing me since I first saw it. The description says:
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Confession is a word with both a religious and secular meaning, and the “low-lying voice” always makes me imagine him on his knees in a church. However, the phrase itself is very "call me by your name"-esque, which relates to the idea of being two halves of a whole, seeing yourself reflected in another person and seeing them in yourself. It's not physical, but emotional and intellectual. So, perhaps, after confessing his sins and not getting a response, he comes to the conclusion that people are closer to him than god. He used to believe he was created in god's image, but “i called it you but it was actually me” indicates a realization of inherent connection between god’s creations, people finding their reflections in each other instead. The boy stops seeing other people as separate from himself and starts looking into their shared humanity, hence, under the_ comes next.
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"Emotion beneath innate nature" suggests more focus on the inner feelings, letting go of the fear that love will hurt and opening up to an emotional connection. For all that I know, instinct pt.2 makes no mention of the boy, but it's safe to assume he's still our POV character. In this album, I'll refer to his lover as "he", because although all the songs are gender neutral and the idea of the album is that gender doesn't matter, there's an implied "maleness" in suit dance and gaslighting (with Nine and Kyubin's lines responding to each other) and it makes sense within the larger narrative.
The songs on instinct pt.2 all correspond with a song on pt.1. skinz, like libidO, is an internal monologue of acceptance. He understands that gender doesn't matter to him and he should stop looking only skin-deep. He now knows that in order for a relationship to work, he needs to look beneath the physical and see the person inside. It's desperate and slightly aggressive because he's still young and impulsive, and there's this whole new side of him he's been suppressing that's just waiting to get out.
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I haven’t read the book this title comes from, but from what I’ve seen other lyOns say, la nausee relates to the idea of individual choices and how they create a person. The description shows that there's someone new in his life that he’s beginning to have feelings for.
suit dance is, in a way, encouraging someone to come to the same conclusions he did. It focuses on physical aspects and wanting the other to act on his instincts, but there's also an element of helping him find identity and freedom in it (“time to cut loose yourself”, "focus a bit more on yourself"). It explores similar ideas as instinct, following someone with his eyes and wanting to be close to them so they can both act on their desires.
Now, the line "What do your eyes in the mirror want?" makes me think of “I called it you but it was actually me”. I'm a bit confused by who is who exactly in this song, it might be a translation issue, but it's hard to tell apart the "me" and "you" sometimes. They seem to blend together and I think it's part of the idea. They're both wearing suits and admiring themselves in the mirror, but also see a reflection of themselves when looking at each other.
gaslighting, just like byredO, is deeply toxic as he gets addicted to his lover and wants to be controlled. In a way, it's kind of religious as it shows a deep and unhealthy devotion one should not have towards another human being as it also reduces their humanity. He still feels the need to put someone on the pedestal, which, although not from the boy's story, goes back to angel. Growing up religious made him feel that there needs to be someone above him, someone more holy than him he can answer to, and once he steps away from religion, he fills the god-shaped hole (sorry, I find that phrase hilarious) with other people.
snapchat honestly baffles me a little, but the description says:
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Perhaps the idea is that they're realising the instability of their relationship, that they're continually missing each other and they don't know how to communicate properly. All they have is small moments that become good memories, but even they disappear without a trace.
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ultimate bliss is a rejection of all that was influenced by religion in the boy's life. He still dreams of paradise, but this time he wants to build one for himself and his lover. He's ready to let go of the ideas he'd been brought up believing in and there's catharsis in leaving it all behind. He accepts the things he's done wrong and doesn't blame himself for them, doesn't apologise to god anymore.
"Are we being punished, or are we dreaming" confuses me a bit. Dreaming in general is used a lot in OOO's songs, it's a pleasant state and an escape from reality, which, if you indulge in too much, stunts your growth. I think in this case, it means that it's hard to tell whether this love they have is good or bad. He's conflicted because it's both painful and pleasurable, and religious people really like to force black and white thinking. The boy is just beginning to learn that some things are morally neutral, not everything that hurts is punishment, not everything that feels good is a beautiful dream.
"Would you come with me?" means that it's not just him, but his lover as well who has to let go of these things. If we interpret this song and gaslighting as being about the same person, perhaps the lover's religious upbringing also made him feel that he needs to be more controlling. Since their relationship is forbidden, he needed to feel like there's some aspect of it that's up to him in the face of the great unknown and placed himself as the god. As a side note, my grandparents were once reading me something about god filling people with light if they put their trust in him and I was reminded of this line in gaslighting:
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If we see it like that, ultimate bliss would then show that there's still hope for the two of them if they get rid of all these messed up ideas and stop feeling like there needs to be a higher power involved in their relationship. Neither of them is god and neither is the follower, they're both Adam and Eve who made their choice to bite the forbidden fruit and leave.
As a sort of epilogue/glue to the next project, there's undergrOund idOl #0 with the description:
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It reminds me of the description under be free:
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Both of these are about overcoming hardship as long as they can rely on each other. It also reminds me of angel and Mill's line "to me you are faith, sometimes hope", while in skinz he had the line "belief is toxic to me" (and the word used for belief in Korean also refers to belief in god). This just reiterates that they're letting go of the idea that they need to put someone on a pedestal.
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And lastly, we have re-bidO. I'm not sure if it means that if he were exploring his sexuality again, he wouldn't make the same mistakes? It's normal to look back on your journey and wish you'd done things differently, but these words imply a lot of regret. Maybe he's not fully content with where he ended up, maybe he's imagining a version of his life which is better, easier. Maybe it shows that his journey isn't over just because the album has ended and he still has a lot of guilt, so he's back to square one - accepting the natural parts of himself. It's a bittersweet ending and that makes it feel more real. The road was rocky and just like at the end there's catharsis, there's also reflection.
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Just Accept it! (READ THE DAMN DISCLAIMER!)
A/N: Hello, my 🍓Little Strawberries🍓! I'm back with another fic for you! Couldn't find a better pic
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Pairing: Yandere Henry Cavill x Trans male reader; Tyler Hoechlin x trans male reader. (mentioned)
Rating: MATURE
Warnings: Male Pregnancy, use of drugs, kidnapping, no consent. (what you expect? This yandere)
Word count: 3560
Summary: It started out with acting, then it went to stalking, and it went to him kidnapping you. And it ended with you spending the rest of your life with him.
I hope you enjoy this! Sorry if it's bad! And sorry for any errors that are found!
If you like what I write, how about check out my masterlist?
Keys:
E/c: Eye color
H/c: Hair Color
H/l: Hair length
S/c: Skin color
Y/a: Your age. (Pick an appropriate age)
DISCLAIMER!: THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING TRANS MALE READER. I'M SORRY IF ANYTHING OFFENDS ANYONE.
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DISCLAIMER: I MEAN NO OFFENSE, DISRESPECT, OR HARM TO ANY OF THESE CELEBRITIES! THIS IS JUST FICTION.
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MINORS DNI. FEMALE READERS… I’LL ALLOW YOU TO READ MY FICS BUT DO NOT FETISHIZE ANY OF MY STORIES
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Henry was currently waiting for this someone to come. 'I wonder who it could be.' he thought to myself. We were going to start acting in the new TV show, Superman & Lois.
(Okay, I know that Tyler stars in this, but I'm just going to switch him out with Henry and play as Lois. You can change the name)
He then sees some guy, who looks small and innocent. You had h/l and beautiful, most dazzling e/c. His s/c looked smooth and soft like a freshly made bed. (?)
He looked to be Y/a. You looked so ethereal, a walking sex god. The source of men's sexual desire. He was so sexy and hot- 'Wait- what am I thinking? I'm not gay- I have a beautiful girlfriend, I need to stop thinking like this.'
Henry sees you approach me. "Hi! I'm assuming your Henry right?" you questioned, tilting your head. "Y-yeah- I'm Henry! N-nice to m-meet you!" Henry sturred over my words.
'Shit, why am I nervous around him? What is he doing to me?' Henry then heard a little chuckle. 'His laugh- AAGGHH!'
"Well, nice to meet you, Henry, I'm M/N!" you gave your hand out, Henry hesitantly shook it. 'His hands are rough and large!' you thought.
(Sorry, but I'll be using M/N.)
'His hands are so soft, like a baby's skin! I just wanna hold it forever-' Henry said to himself before pulling back. He didn't realize he had a rough grip on your hand.
"Ah- sorry about that," Henry said scratching his head out of embarrassment. "It's okay!" you gave your famous smile. Henry blushed.
'Why is this happening?! What is he doing to me!' Henry's mind was going all over the place, he was having a gay panic. 'What's wrong with this guy? I thought he was supposed to be calm and collected?'
You had no idea what was going on with him. "Well- I gotta go..." you said, backing away slowly before going to someone and starting a conversation with them. Hoping it won't be as awkward or weird
Henry just stared as you walked. He didn't notice that his hands were twitching. You could feel his stare piercing through your head. Such a dark and dominant stare.
'Maybe, he's just staring at something that so happens to be in my direction!' you said to yourself.
(No you dumb shit!)
"OKAY! Everyone, we're gonna be starting soon. Everyone to your stations and gets ready!" The director yelled. "Take M/N and Henry to their dressing rooms."
"Okay, sir. Come on!" They grabbed you and Henry to get dressed and ready.
They put on Henry's iconic Superman suit and they dressed you as Lois or the male equivalent of her. You looked at Henry and blushed a little. 'If I wasn't married to my husband, I would've gone for him. But he's straight.'
You looked away so Henry wouldn't notice but he did. 'He was blushing... AT ME- STOP IT!' Henry then glared at you. You noticed his glare and looked away. He didn't mean to glare.
"Okay, everyone get to your positions! Do you two know your lines?" The director asks looking back and forth. You both nodded your heads. "Okay, go on the scene and be ready!"
Once you both got there and got in position, the director yells, "ACTION!"
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TIMESKIP (END OF THE SCENE)
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(I don't know what they be doing at the studio.)
"Hey- Uh... M/n!" Henry called out. You turned to face Henry, "Mh?" Henry looked at you trying to get the words out. "Uh... You have something to say?"
"Uh- well." Henry scratching his head. "I'm sorry... for glaring at you earlier today." He was now blushing hard while grinning.
You looked at him confused about what he was talking about. Then you remembered earlier. "Oh-, Its okay Henry! I know you didn't mean it." you smiled at him, reassuring him that it was okay.
You were about to continue, but you got a call. You looked at the caller ID. "Hubby😘" is calling, your husband was calling. "I got to take this call." you then walked away to a private location.
Henry was curious so he followed you. He knows this is eavesdropping, but he wants to know, "what was so important about a phone call?"
Apparently, he took too long but he heard this. "I love you too." Henry left before you could spot him. 'He loves someone? Why do I care if he is in love with someone?'
"I'm gonna have to go! Bye Henry!" You then left leaving Henry behind to think about what was happening.
'What are you doing to me M/n? I never felt this way before.'
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TIMESKIP (6 months)
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You and Henry have been acquaintances for 6 months. Henry's feelings for you grew and grew but there wasn't that ultimate trigger that would finally set the bomb off.
Until now and later on today. (so two ultimate triggers.)
You wrapped your arms around Clark's neck. You were shorter than, so all you saw was his muscular chest. Clark then wrapped his arms around your waist, looking into your beautiful e/c.
Alarms were going off in Henry's mind as he pulls you closer to him. 'This is actually happening.' M/n smells so nice like fresh lavenders.
Your lips then met Clarks. You tilted your head a little to the side to have better access. Though his nose was kind of in the way. You closed your eyes as you fully gave in.
'He tastes so sweet like chocolate and strawberries.' (You eating my children?) Henry was getting real intimate with the kiss.
(Was that a good kissing scene? I have never seen the TV show)
"CUT!" you pulled back before walking away to get a drink. Henry was still in a daze. Your lips were so soft and delicious, he wants more. Henry never felt like this when kissed his girlfriend.
In fact, he was getting disgusted by her touch and only wants you to touch him. Hell, sometimes you made him hard and he would imagine having sex with you while having sex with her...
He was about to approach you before he heard that... voice. "BABE!" his girlfriend... Henry then felt two arms wrapped around him and a small kiss on his lips.
Henry felt like he wanna puke. It wasn't like the kiss he had with you- even though it was just acting but it was real to him- but he had to act like he enjoyed it. "HI! You must be Henry's wife, right?"
You intervene in their conversation. "Yes, I'm Henry's wife- well girlfriend! My name is Natalie Viscuso! You must be M/n? I'm a big fan of you!"
You and Natalie kept talking and getting along. Henry was just watching, he was getting angry and jealous. After about 30 minutes, Natalie went back to Henry.
"Sorry about that, I got carried away. How about me and you have some fun when we get home?" Henry just nodded his head without giving an expression.
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TIMESKIP (5 hours later. At Henry's home)
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(I know that Henry's real-life GF/Wife is a good lady. Remember, this is fiction)
"A-ahh! H-henry... you f-feel so good! Y-your... dick is... s-so BIG!" Natalie moaned as she rode Henry's cock.
Henry didn't seem to enjoy it, not one bit. He pushed- not too hard - Natalie off of him. "Why did you stop?" she said confused, Henry was getting dressed.
Henry didn't pay attention to her and just walked out.
The next morning, the news of Henry's and Natalie's break up spread like wildfire. Nobody understood why he broke up with her, they were doing just fine.
Henry didn't feel upset. While walking around last night, he began to think how you made him feel feelings he has never felt before.
He likes how you touch him- even though you didn't mean to. He likes your soft lips- even though you two were acting. He feels disgusted whenever he was with Natalie. Angry and jealousy surge through his veins whenever you talked with someone that wasn't him.
Henry now accepted that he likes you.
When you got the news of them breaking up, you were shocked. "Henry are you okay? I heard you and Natalie broke up," you asked worriedly.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Henry replied, nonchalantly. "You don't seem upset about it..." Henry just stared at you with his deep, dark eyes. 'What's wrong with him?'
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TIMESKIP (3 MONTHS)
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You've been waiting months to tell Henry something very important. You were nervous, scared, and... paranoid.
During the 3 months of waiting, you feel like you were being watched. Wherever you gom even in your own room.
You told Henry about it -since he was a close friend- and he told you not to worry about it saying, "You're just paranoid, it something you shouldn't worry about."
But you still kept your guard up. You made to look around and if you see someone looking suspicious. But tomorrow, you were going to come out to him.
You arrived at a... Dunkin Donuts (?) and ordered some donuts and coffee and took a seat by the window. You looked out to see some people walking by. There was a car that had black tinted windows, you couldn't see who was inside.
You pulled your phone to text Henry to come and talk with him. But that wasn't necessary, Henry walked and turned in your direction. "Hey, M/n!"
'How did he know I was here? Or was it a coincidence?' you thought. Then you felt a rough hand on your shoulder. "Mind if I sit here?" you shake your head.
Henry took his seat and ordered some food and coffee. 'It's too crowded here.' While seating there, you could feel stares and glances. You just ignored them.
Henry stared at you with love in his eyes, taking in all your features. Then he notices something on your finger, 'Is that a ring? IS HE ENGAGED? Or..... is he MARRIED!'
Rage was running through his veins but he had to calm himself down or you'll notice.
You had enough of his staring and break the silence. "I need to tell you something but it can't be here." that snapped Henry out of his daze. "What do you need to about?"
"It's something personal and it can't be here." You said getting up, and stressing your muscles, and heading out the door. Henry nodded his head before getting up and following you out.
As you two were walking, just taking in the fresh air and sounds of cars driving by. "So, what did you want to talk about?" Henry turned to you.
"Well... I hope you don't look at me differently..." you said looking down at the ground. "I'll never look at you differently bab- M/n."
You took a deep breath. "I'm trans..." you said quietly but Henry still heard you. "Oh... just because you're trans doesn't change what I see in you. You're still a man," Henry said putting his hand on your shoulder.
You smiled at him before jumping onto him. Henry wrapped his arms around you. He wanted to stay like this forever, you just in his arms feeling your warm, heat against him.
But sadly, you pulled away. "Thank you! Thank you!" you're glad Henry accepted you.
But Henry knew you were trans. Remember how you feel like you were being watched? Well, that was all Henry, he would watch you play with yourself. He would masturbate to this, he was quite turned on about this discovery.
'I'll accept whoever you are baby.'
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TIMESKIP (1 week)
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It's been one week since the whole coming out thing and Henry was gathering the confidence to ask you out. But today is the day.
Henry got a text saying, "Meet me at the park." so naturally he did. He didn't spot you at first until he recognizes your h/c. Then it's at that time he notices someone else there.
This bastard had his arms wrapped around you, and he gave small kisses on your lips. Henry's right eye twitched as he watched the display right in front of him.
'Who the hell is he?!? Is HE the one that M/n married?' he snapped out of it when you called his name to come over.
"I'm glad you came Henry! This is my husband, Tyler Hoechlin. Tyler, this is Henry, one of my friends!" you said with a smile. 'So, that means his name is M/n Hoechlin.'
Tyler gave his hand out and Henry shook it. Henry had a rough grip on his hand, squeezing it. And he just glared at him. "Well, let's go!"
Henry just glared at Tyler the whole time. 'M/N should ONLY have my last name! I should be the one with him!' Tyler notices how Henry was glaring at him the whole time. But he wasn't fazed by it.
'I'm gonna find a way to get rid of you! Or I could just take M/n?'
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TIMESKIP (3 DAYS)
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It had been 3 days since Henry met your husband, and he wasn't happy at all. Today he wants to hang out with you, and talk about something. Henry called your phone and waited for you to pick it up.
Meanwhile... (This is my first shot at writing smut with TMR.)
"A-ahh! d-daddy... your c-cock... is so... b-big!" you moaned as rode Tyler like your life depended on it. "Fuck, you're so wet and warm for me, M/n. Your tight little pussy feels amazing!" Tyler groaned as he thrust further into you.
Tyler sees that your phone is vibrating, 'Henry?' Tyler smirked, he knew that Henry was glaring at him with hate and stared at you with love. 'This will teach him who my baby boy belongs to.'
"Be a good boy for daddy and answer the phone." Tyler handed you the phone, you took a look at the caller and noticed it was Henry calling. "D-daddy... I-i can't do... it with y-you- thrusting... i-into me!"
Tyler stopped his thrusts but as you answered his call, he thrust right back into you. "A-ah!"
"Hey, M/n! Are you okay?" Henry questioned. "Y-yeah... I'm okay..." Tyler stopped thrusting, you could his cock pulsing and twitching inside you.
"You're little pussy is wet for me. You like it when I rub you here?" Tyler then began to rub your small dick. You tried to not moan out loud.
But Henry could tell, that you were moaning. And he was angry and just hanged up. "H-hello?... I think he... h-hung up." "Now, I can fuck you!" And he went back to banging you.
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TIMESKIP (5 DAYS)
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5 days after the little event, Henry hasn't called you. You tried calling him and seeing what's wrong, but he never answered.
Tyler kept telling you to not worry about him. Meanwhile, Henry was just in his room masturbating to a picture of yours and mutters, "You belong to me... Tyler and your's relationship is fake! We kissed, we held each other, and so many other things."
The acting seems to make Henry delusional, cause he believed it was all real and that you meant it. He has to find a way to make you his and he just how to do it.
There was a party coming up. You and Tyler would both be attending.
You and Tyler both arrived at the party. People were drinking, dancing, and doing other weird things. "I'm gonna go get a drink." Tyler nodded his head.
He went over to a table and sat down. Tyler wasn't the type to get a drink. Meanwhile, Henry kept his eyes on you. 'This is going to be a fun night!' You thought.
But this will turn out to be the worst night you'll ever have.
Had a few drinks, you were trying to find Tyler in the crowd but couldn't find him. You didn't feel the vibration in your phone, "I'll be waiting for you in the car."
As you were walking around, you felt yourself being pushed up against a wall. "Oh... *HIc* T-Tyler... I didn't *Hic* know you could be *Hic* this rough."
Henry pinned you against the wall and crash his lips against yours. Sweet but tasted like alcohol. 'Since when did Tyler become all muscular' Then you felt a needle pierce through your neck and injecting you with some kind of drug.
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TIMESKIP (After the party.)
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You woke up with a massive headache. Your mind is still blurry but after a few moments later you could see properly. You noticed a cup of water and headache pills by it. You took it.
Then, you realized, this isn't your room and that you were wearing a bunny outfit! 'What the fuck? Where am I?!' Then you began to feel hot and needy.
Your pussy was leaking and clenching around nothing. Your small dick was aching to be touched. "Is my little bunny awake?" A deep husky voice said.
You turned in its direction to notice that it was Henry?! But your mind was getting clouded with lust and want. "H-Henry...?"
"Shh, baby. Daddies here." Henry said getting closer to you and pulling you to his lap. Your hands were now on his shirtless chest, feeling his hairy pecs.
"Where's... T-Tyler?" you questioned, bad mistake. Henry smacked one of your cheeks. "DON'T EVER MENTION HIS NAME! YOU BELONG TO ME! FORGET ABOUT HIM!"
You were getting turned on. It must be the drug he gave you, cause you don't like it someone yells at you. "You're leaking so much slick? You want daddy to help you?"
Before you could respond, Henry pushed you down onto the couch and you could feel his meaty cock at your front entrance. "Your little pussy is leaking so much, you don't know how much you turn me on."
Henry lubes his cock with your slick before pushing in. "F-fuck! You're so tight! I guess Tyler didn't fuck you that good." Henry groaned as he pushed all the way in you.
He let you adjust a little before thrusting back into you. "You're so wet, tight, and warm. Better than my ex!" Henry groaned as he feels you tightening around him.
His hand then went down to stroke your cock. "A-ah!" you moaned as you tried to turn your face away. "You're close? Me too!" you could feel Henry thrust into your womb.
He was hitting your pleasure spot tip-on. "M-mmhh!" Your body clenched before convulsing beneath him. Your muscles twitched around his cock.
"Fuck, you came! I'm close! You'll look so beautiful swollen with my kids. The thought of spending the rest of my life with you just makes me wanna cum!"
You could feel his cock burst inside you. Feeling you up with his cum. "Get pregnant from this!" He stayed inside you before collapsing onto your smaller body.
He was leaving love marks. "You belong to me now, M/n..."
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TIMESKIP (DECADE LATER)
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It has been a decade since you were taken away. A decade being with a monster- who you looked up to before. He had taken you away from others.
You were in the kitchen cooking some waiting for him to come home. "PAPA! When is daddy coming home?" your oldest child said playing with his lego spaceship.
"He'll be home soon. How about go play with your siblings?" they nodded their head before heading to their room. You gave birth to Henry's children, when you had O/C/N, you promised that you'll take them far away from this monster.
You looked at the ring. It was no longer Tyler's ring but Henry's. Just as you said Henry, two strong muscular arms wrapped around your waist.
"How is my beautiful husband doing?" you tried pushing him away but it didn't work.
"Just accept it, M/n. You'll never escape me, and you don't want anything bad to happen to your- no- OUR kids? Right?" tears began to pour out your eyes.
"No. Please don't hurt them... they're just kids, they did nothing wrong." you cried trying to not alarm them.
"Then just accept your fate. You've been resisting for 10 years, it's no use. No one will ever find you." Henry whispered into your ear.
"Just accept it."
THE END
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A/N: I hope this was good! I'm sorry if anything is incorrect. Do you like my new format? Anyways, bye my 🍓Little Strawberries🍓!
295 notes · View notes
Note
I've had a really hard day today and I saw someone wanted more Jimary crack, so I decided to write it to cheer myself up. I hope three fics in a row isn't too excessive. (All credit goes to the anon who suggested this.)
--
‘She’s drunk.’ Joe said very matter-of-factly, lifting his wine glass to his lips, only to discover there was nothing left in it.
‘Very drunk.’ Replied Phoebe, reaching for the bottle nearby and giving them both a refill.
It wasn’t as though they had never seen Mary drunk before. She was usually all giggly and bouncy after a few drinks, perhaps more talkative than usual and, in Joe’s opinion, far less uptight. But they had never seen her like this; her eyes heavy lidded, downing her wine like it was water and clumsily swaying to the music that filled the busy lounge, stumbling every now and again to keep her balance. She was clearly taking her break up with Piers very badly.
‘Freddie’s livid.’ Joe murmured, glancing over at the singer who appeared to be deep in conversation with Peter Straker, but kept glancing over at the intoxicated woman who was trying to coax Brian into dancing with her, much to the displeasure of Anita. ‘Prepare yourself for a screaming match later on.’
‘I already have the popcorn ready.’
Mary eventually gave up on Brian and loudly announced she was heading into the kitchen for another bottle of rosé, almost stepping on Delilah as she staggered through the door. She surveyed the kitchen a moment, the room spinning as her alcohol consumption finally caught up with her, before she noticed Jim sitting alone at the kitchen table, trying unsuccessfully to uncork a large bottle of champagne between his knees.
She had always been a little jealous of Jim. Before he came along, she had always held out hope that Freddie might return to her one day, discover he wasn’t actually into men or something daft like that. But then this Irishman appeared, who wasn’t like Freddie’s other boyfriends; for the first time, it seemed like Freddie was in love and ready to settle down, happy in a way she had never seen him before. It had been hard for her to accept; but when Piers had finally had enough of her obsession and left her, she realised that she would never be able to properly move on with her life if she kept latching on to the past. She had to let Freddie go. She had to accept that, while they would always be friends, Freddie was gay and what they had all those years ago was over.
Jim noticed her hovering and looked up, giving her a small smile. ‘Enjoying the party?’
Mary hummed in response, going to the cupboard where the booze was kept and digging around until she found the rosé she was looking for. When she looked back at Jim, he still hadn’t managed to remove the cork and was quietly cursing under his breath in his thick Irish accent.
It was quite a nice voice, her inebriated mind told her.
‘You have a lovely voice.’ She suddenly said aloud, her words slurred. She wobbled up to him, heels clinking against the kitchen tiles as she unscrewed the top of the rosé bottle. ‘Where is it you’re from again?’
Jim blinked at her dumbly. He wasn’t used to Mary initiating conversation like this; she was usually so reserved. ‘Um, a town called Carlow. It’s near Dublin.’
‘It is, isn’t it?’ Mary drawled and without any warning, she suddenly plopped herself down in Jim's lap, making him jump in surprise. ‘Ireland is sss-such a lovely place. Lots of sheep there.’
Jim’s face went red, and he carefully set the champagne bottle down on the table. ‘Yeah, I suppose there are.’
Much to his horror, Mary put the bottle of rosé to her lips and began downing the drink ruthlessly, not stopping until it was almost half empty. When she finally stopped, she carelessly abandoned the bottle next to the champagne and turned around to stare Jim directly in the eyes, her smile disturbingly wide.
‘You have beautiful eyes.’ She garbled, moving her finger as if she was going to poke them out, but she instead ended up giving him a weird boop on the nose. ‘And your arms are so big.’ She reached down to squeeze his bicep, giggling like a schoolgirl. ‘I bet you’re really strong. Remember when you lifted me up at Freddie’s birthday party?’
Jim remembered. He was so plastered that night he had almost dropped her on her head.
‘Are you feeling alright, Mary?’ he asked warily, not comfortable with how close their faces were.
‘I’m wonderful, Jim.’ Mary giggled again, though it sounded a little manic. ‘I really, really want to dance. Will you dance with me, Jim?’
‘I’m not much of a dancer, Mary.’ Jim coughed, glancing over his shoulder in hope that someone might come through the kitchen door and save him.
‘That’s not true! I’ve seen you dance!’ Mary insisted, pulling at his hands, ‘come on.’
Jim didn’t have the energy to argue with her, already a little tipsy himself, and he allowed her to drag him into the middle of the kitchen, face filling with colour as Mary threw her arms around his neck and sagged all of her body weight against him. He realised rather quickly that if he let her go, she’d probably fall face first onto the floor and never get up again.
The next five minutes had to be the most uncomfortable of his entire life, as he swayed in awkward circles with his husband’s ex-girlfriend, mindfully trying to keep his hands off her waist. He wasn’t a religious man, but in that moment, he prayed to every God in existence that someone would call him from the lounge and rescue him from this predicament.
Mary suddenly lifted her head from his shoulder and whispered in his ear. ‘Marry me, Jim.’
The Irishman stared down at her, eyes comically wide. ‘Beg your pardon?’
‘Marry me.’ Mary grinned at him, leaning so close that for one horrible moment he thought she might try to kiss him. ‘We can have lots of beautiful Irish babies together.’
Jim sighed. Next time they had a party, he was going to replace Mary’s wine with Ribena. ‘I’m very flattered by your offer, but there are two problems; I’m gay and I’m married to Freddie.’
‘Oh bugger.’ Said Mary, as if she had forgotten that detail. ‘You can still marry me though. We can run away to Cardiff together.’
‘Carlow, Mary.’
Her face suddenly fell and she stepped away from him, looking betrayed. 'Is it because of the cats?'
'The what?'
‘That's why you don't want to marry me, isn't it?’ Mary's lip trembled as if she was about to cry. ‘Freddie has cats and I don't!'
‘Mary, I’m going to get you some water.’ Jim replied, making a beeline for the sink.
‘No, don’t leave!’ Mary grabbed his sleeve, trying to tug him back. ‘Stay with me, Jim. I'll buy you all the cats you want!’
‘You’ll feel much better after drinking this.’ Jim said firmly, pouring a glass of water and turning around to hand it to her. As soon as he did, her lips were suddenly pressed against his own, arms locked around his neck so there was no escape as he yelled against her mouth in surprise.
‘Mary!’ he roared, as soon as she released him, half the water having spilled onto the floor during the struggle. ‘What the bloody hell are you playing at?!’
Mary grinned; lipstick smudged across her face, so she looked like the Joker. ‘I’ve never kissed an Irishman before. Does that make me Irish now?’
Before Jim could even answer, she suddenly dry heaved; he grabbed her and stuck her head into the sink as she vomited up the contents of her stomach.
--
‘What the fuck happened?’ Freddie demanded, as Jim walked into the lounge, his shirt ruffled, a smear of red lipstick on his mouth and a very drunk Mary giggling uncontrollably in his arms.
‘Your ex-girlfriend asked me to marry her, then threw up.’ Jim replied, as if this was a normal occurrence. ‘I’m going to put her in one of the guest rooms so she can sleep it off.’
He turned and walked out of the lounge before anyone could respond. Freddie clenched his glass so hard it was a miracle it didn’t shatter in his hand.
‘I’m going to murder her!’ he growled, lunging towards the door, only for Phoebe to grab him from behind and hoist him up. ‘Let me go! That backstabbing homewrecker is trying to abscond with my husband!’
‘Take it easy, Fred.’ Phoebe said calmly, holding onto the man effortlessly. ‘You can kill her tomorrow.’
‘Yeah, we haven’t even had dessert yet.’ Said Joe, holding onto Freddie's legs to stop him from kicking. ‘I spent all fucking day slaving over that baked Alaska, you’re eating it whether you like it or not!’
Firstly, I am so sorry you are having a hard day. I feel terrible that whilst you are doing so much to entertain us with this outrageous crackship, you are not having a good time. I can just hope that writing these stories bring you as much joy as they bring us.
And now, the fic. I AM WHEEZING. First of all, I fucking love Joe. Even though we've never heard him speak, or ever listened to his words through his own perspective, I feel that your characterisation is so realistic. His dessert comment slayed me lmao.
And oof, Mary being drunk off her ass is my new favourite trope. And lmao her thinking that Jim doesnt want to marry her because she doesn't have cats😂😂😂 Leave him alone, Mary. He doesn't want to have irish babies with you.
And hahahahaha Freddie's reaction is as epic as I had envisioned. And god, this is another nightmare that Jim isn't going to recover from soon.
This is such a fantastic crackship, omg. I absolutely loved this💙💙
(More drabbles by writer anon)
Also anon, if you ever want to talk, you can always dm me, if you are comfortable of course🧡
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When I first met my husband, Neal, I thought he was gay. Maybe that's because he told me he was gay. So while I was attracted to him, I figured he would just be my gay best friend. Then, one night, we wound up in bed together, and let's just say that he did not act like a gay best friend usually acts. In fact, he seemed more comfortable with my body than plenty of straight men I'd dated had been. And after a hot-and-heavy weekend, I knew a lot more about Neal than "gay" had hinted at: He'd been married before (to a woman), and he was (still is) attracted to both sexes. Since his divorce he'd mostly dated men, so he'd gone with "gay" over "bi" when we met, but deep down that's what he is: bisexual. I was not entirely surprised, and I was definitely not disappointed.
However, I did have some concerns. Early in our relationship, which got super serious, super fast, I was anxious: I worried Neal would change his mind, say that he was actually truly 100 percent gay after all, and leave me for a man. (Maybe you've heard the joke? A man who says he's bisexual is gay, straight, or lying.) Another part of me worried whether a bisexual guy could ever really be monogamous. Also, didn't being with a man who was interested in men and women mean that I was competing against everyone in the world for his attention?
I just wasn't that familiar with bi guys. Bi women are practically mainstream: Megan Fox, Lady Gaga, Anna Paquin, Jessie J, and Evan Rachel Wood, to name only a few, have all spoken openly about being bisexual. When a woman says she's bi, it makes her more desirable to men. But few celeb men are out as bi—and you never see two guys making out in a bar to get women to pay attention.
Plus, I must admit I wondered whether all the stuff people say about bisexuals might actually turn out to be true—that they're untrustworthy, just going through a phase, or slutty; that they'll break your heart or give you STDs and probably cooties too.
Dating a bi guy, even one as great and as honest as Neal, was daunting to think about.
The sliding scale of sexuality explained
Understanding the basic science of bisexuality helped me a lot. Ritch Savin-Williams, professor of developmental psychology at Cornell University, who has done extensive research into arousal patterns of gay and bisexual individuals, puts it simply: "Bisexual men are attracted to both sexes. They have variations in how much they lean toward women or men." It's important to note that Savin-Williams, like most social scientists, differentiates between sexual orientation and sexual behavior. "So a guy could be attracted to 70 percent men and 30 percent women," he says, "but still meet a woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and be monogamous. His orientation is bi, but his sexual behavior is straight." Conversely, if someone is having sex with both women and men, then he is behaviorally bisexual, regardless of what he says his orientation is.
What many women struggle with is not the fear that a guy is bi but the fear that he's temporarily bi and will eventually identify as gay. It's not a weird thing to worry about (I worried about it!), since many men have done exactly that. "Before homosexuality was as accepted as it is now," says Allen Rosenthal, a researcher at Northwestern University, "homosexual men often identified as bi in the process of coming out, like getting their feet wet. But it was a disservice to genuinely bisexual men because it left a lot of people with the impression that bi is a transitional orientation." The good news is that the reasons the bi-to-gay move used to be so prevalent—societal and family pressures, fears of being openly gay—are lessening. These days, it's more OK to be gay, and that's making it more OK to be bi. Progress!
So Could You, Should You? We asked glamour.com readers if they'd date a bi guy. The results:
__I'd have a lot of questions,
but maybe.……………………………16%
No way.………………………………..36%
Totally, why not?…………………….48%
In other words, two out of three of you would consider it. Explained one commenter: "If he's into me, he's into me. If he happens to be into guys too, well…we only have more in common!"__
Our little nonsecret
Neal assuaged my anxieties by being so enthusiastic about me that I had no reason to doubt his attraction. I was impressed by his self-awareness too. He realized he was bisexual when he was 20, and he still considers himself attracted to both sexes, at a ratio of about 80:20, women to men. My friends said he was an improvement over more macho guys I'd brought home in the past, and no one really made a big deal about the bi thing. They'd already seen him with men and with women, and we run with a pretty arty crowd. Bottom line: I was in love. As the years passed, I saw that Neal had more integrity and self-knowledge than anyone I'd ever known. And so, reader, I married him. We've been together and monogamous for 12 years, married for eight.
Neal is comfortable with his sexuality. He's "straightish," in the terminology of a gay friend of ours. But he is kind of "gayish" too. He is a performance artist, eccentric, and has—true to stereotype—better style than I do. And if I'm like, "Wow, Mike is superhot," he doesn't stare blankly but says, "Totally. Because of the way he plays guitar, right?"
Generally, we don't tell the world about Neal's orientation (well, until now!). Not everyone is as supportive as our circle, and to be honest, I have zero interest in talking with someone who thinks I'm in a sham marriage just because my guy doesn't go, "Ewww!" when Channing Tatum takes off his shirt.
There have been a few bumps along the road. Early on, Neal confessed that he had a crush on someone else. In the moment before he told me who it was, as my heart sank, I thought: Oh God, it's a man. He's gay. He's going to leave me for a man. I am a fool. How did I not see it coming? How stupid could I be?
Then he told me who it was: a woman. And we worked through it. In retrospect, I think we would have been OK even if it had been a man. In the years since, we've weathered crushes I've developed too, and a million other surprising and not-so-surprising things. I don't think we're any more open-minded than most couples—but the amount of honesty required at the beginning of our relationship has served us well.
Talk, then talk some more
So how do you make it work with a bi guy? "If I were a woman involved with a bisexual man," says Savin-Williams, "I would have very honest communication with him about what he means when he uses the term." Trust me, I asked Neal a lot of questions about what he was into and what to expect as our relationship deepened. Would he commit to monogamy? What kind of boundaries did we need to set up? Be clear about what you're asking, warns Lisa Diamond, professor of developmental psychology at the University of Utah. "The question Are you attracted to men?' is different from Would you want to have a sexual relationship with a man?'" she points out. "Many men might say, It's a hot fantasy, but not one I would act on.'" At that point the question becomes whether or not you're OK with the fantasy. On the other hand, if he says he wants more than a fantasy when it comes to men…then he might not be the guy for you.
No matter whom you're dating, part of love is taking that leap into the unknown. "The only way to be truly sure," says Barbara Hernandez, a family and marriage therapist, "is over time. It depends on the values of the person, and the strength of commitment, and whether both partners work hard at it." Good advice for any couple, even a straight-as-an-arrow one.
At some point, if you're still freaking out about whether your bi guy is really bi, you might need to acknowledge that what you're worried about is whether he's really yours. "We all need to be honest with ourselves," says Diamond. "I wonder if the underlying concern isn't the same one we always have: Does he really want me? Is he going to leave me? That's a concern as old as the hills." With Neal, I came to look at it this way: If he was choosing to be with me, then he was choosing me over all men and women everywhere. And that felt kind of awesome.
Believe it or not, Neal's sexuality doesn't come up that often in our daily lives. My failure to close drawers, his inability to throw anything away, and an ongoing disagreement on who is the more lenient parent are all topics that cause more strife than his sometimes thinking men are hot. Really, who can blame him? Men are hot, especially ones who are honest and confident. Especially ones who, even though they may be attracted to lots of people, pick you.
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incarnateirony · 4 years
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Hey dude! Do you have any recommendations for LGBTQ+ movies in the romance genre that have like a happy ending. I really don't care how old they are. I'm feeling the Gay™ hence I need the Gay™. You feel me?
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NONNIE
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First sorry for taking so long, not only did I have to timeline this :) but :) my computer :) froze :) after writing like :) 2 pages :) and I had to do it again :)
So anyway let it be said, the LGBT dialogue is one of osmosis and shared growth and awareness. Some of these films will be very poorly dated, but as you (thankfully) mentioned that them being old wasn’t a *problem*, expect a lot of old stuff. Because one of the most important things to have under your belt when talking about the LGBT media representation battle is the actual journey from A to B – be that incrementalization, subtextual inclusion, text-breeching features, outright evocative and groundbreaking films at the time (which is what MOST of this list will be) and an improvement in our dialogue; let us never forget that while tr*nss*xual is considered a slur and transgender is proper, tr*nss*xual was at one point the politically correct way to speak it – things like that breach in our growing understanding of the spectrum of human sexuality. 
I *WILL* disclaimer these aren’t all romance, so if you explicitly want romance, google them and take a look if it sounds to appeal, but I’m taking this as a general cinema history plug considering what a confused mess fandom conversation about LGBT history in film or modern text as applicable, accepted or not.
Wonder Bar (1936) (I wouldn’t really call this queer cinema, but if you have the time to watch it too, I think it was the first explicit mention of homosexual engagement even if it was fleetingly brief. You might even call it Last Call style. A blink and you’ll miss it plug that was still decades ahead of its time)
Sylvia Scarlet (1936) (Again, I wouldn’t call this queer cinema, but a lot of the community takes it as the first potential trans representation on TV due to the lead literally swapping gender presentation, even if the presentation is… not what we would modernly call representation IMO)
Un Chant d'Amour (1950) (Worth it for the sheer fact that it pissed off fundies so bad they took it all the way to the US supreme court to get it declared obscene.)
The Children’s Hour (1961) (also known as the 1961 lesson to “don’t be a gossipy, outting bitch”)
Victim (1961) (The first english film to use the word “homosexual” and to focus explicitly on gay sexuality. People might look on it disdainfully from modern lenses, but it really helped progress british understanding of homosexuality)
Scorpio Rising (1964) (Lmao this one deadass got taken to court when it pissed people off and California had to rule that it didn’t count as obscene bc it had social value, worth it for the history if nothing else)
Theorem (1968) (Because who doesn’t wanna watch a 60s flick about a bisexual angel, modern issues and associations be damned)
The Killing of Sister George (1968) (by the makers of What Ever Happened To Baby Jane)
Midnight Cowboy (1969) (…have I had sassy contagonists in RP make a Dean joke off of this more than once, maybe)
Fellini-Satyricon (1969) (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS)
The Boys in the Band (1970) (This… this… this made a lot of fuss. Just remember leather)
Pink Narcissus (1971) (a labor of love shot on someone’s personal camera)
Death in Venice (1971) (This is basically a T&S prequel but whatever, based on a much older book)
Cabaret (1972) 
Pink Flamingos (1972) (SHIT’S WILD)
The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972) (The title doesn’t lie, be warned)
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) [god I hope you’ve at least seen this]
Fox and His Friends (1975) (some really hard lessons that are still viable today, that just because someone acknowledges your sexuality doesn’t mean they give a shit about you as a person, and that some will even abuse the knowledge for gain)
The Terence Davies Trilogy (1983) (REALLY interesting history look it up, it’s sort of one of those “drawn from own experience” story short sets)
The Times of Harvey Milk (1984) (Documentary)
Desert Hearts (1985) (Pretty much the first film to put lesbianism into a good light as a true focus based on a novel from the sixties)
Parting Glances (1986) (the only film its creator got out before his death from the aids epidemic)
Law of Desire (1987) (two men and a trans woman in a love triangle, kinda ahead of its time)
Maurice (1987) (This one’s really interesting, cuz it was based on a book made about 15 years before it, but the book itself had been written half a century earlier and wasn’t published until after the guy died, he just thought it’d never get published Cuz Gay, so basically it’s based on a story written in like, the 20s finally getting screen time. It has a bittersweet but positive-leaning-ish ending without disregarding the cost that can come with it and even addresses class issues at the same time 100% DO RECOMMEND)
Tongues Untied (1989) (a documentary to give voices to LGBT black men) 
Longtime Companion (1990) (This one’s title alone is history, based on a NYT phrasing for how they talked about people’s partners dying, eg longtime companion, during the AIDS epidemic)
Paris Is Burning (1990) (Drag culture and related sexual and gender identity exploration as it intersected with class issues and other privileges explored in a documentary)
The Crying Game (1992)( I should correct this that I guess it’s more, 1992 considered, “SURPRISE, DIL HAS A DILL!” – I guess I really didn’t do that summary justice by modern language and dialogue as much as how people in the 90s were talking about that and that’s a my bad. LIKE. SEE, EVEN I CAN FUCK UP MY LANGUAGE I’M SORRY CAN I BLAME THE STRAIGHTS T_T) #90skidproblems – I guess I should call it a trans film. And this alone tells me I should go watch it again to recode it in my brain modernly rather than like circa de la 2000 understanding.
The Bird Cage (1996) (So you mix drag culture, otherwise heterosexually connected lovebirds, and then realize the girl comes from an alt-rightish house and the guy comes from a Two Dads Home and does cabaret, how to deal with the issues OF this conflict when it’s between you and your happiness, even if the fight isn’t even your own as much as it is that of the person you love. The answer is PROBABLY NOT to dress in drag and pretend to be straight, but what are you going to do? – while played for laughs we’d consider modernly crude, the fact that they even dared to approach this narrative was pretty loud)
The Celluloid Closet (1996) (Ever heard of the Vito Russo test for LGBT representation? This is based on a book by Vito Russo.)
Happy Together (1997) (Ain’t this shit an ironic name; a mutual narrative, via chinese flick, of hong kong ceding to china and an irrevocably tangled MLM pairing as a giant mirrored metaphor)
Boys Don’t Cry (1999) (one of the most groundbreaking films about trans identity at the time)
Stranger Inside (2001) (As easy as it is to recoil to the idea of “black gays in jail”, the film makers actually went and consulted prisoners and put a great deal of focus into intersectional african american issues that really weren’t around even in straight films at the time)
Transamerica (2005) (While it made a bit of a fuss for not casting an actual trans actor, it was one of the first times a big budget studio really tried to tackle it which really pushed us forward)
Call Me by Your Name (2017) (since I’ve apparently leaned really heavy old cinema throw in a modern one lmaooooo)
Also honorable The Kids Are All Right (2010) mention for the sake of the fucking title alone. 
And to any incarnation of “On the Road” by Kerouac, which
Was originally a book
Released a sanitized de-gayed edition because of the times
Later released the full homo manuscript
had a few film adaptations
Was one of Kripke’s founding inspirations for Supernatural once he left behind “Some reporter guy chases stories” and took the formula of Sal and Dean (and tbh later, Carlo) in a beat generation vibe gone modern as we know it today.
Reading both versions of this can actually help some folks currently understand that when you get confused over some shit (WHY IS CARLO SO UPSET? WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE AN UPSET GIRLFRIEND??? WHY IS HE SO JEALOUS AND SAD WHEN DEAN IS AROUND GIRLS???? WE JUST DONT KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWW) it’s because some big money asshat bleached the content, and sometimes, it takes a while for the full script to come out and again, surprise, it’s been GAY, they just didn’t want to OFFEND anybody. *jazz hands*
Now if you wanna go WAY WAY BACK, during 191X years, a bunch of gender role flicks came out like Charley’s Aunt, Mabel’s Blunder and the Florida Enchantment.
Also where is @thecoffeebrain-blog to yell about the necessity of watching Oz, for the next few hours? But no, seriously, just look into the entire LGBT *HISTORY* of Oz.
Beyond that though I’m gonna stop here cuz hi that’s a lot. I really don’t know how much counts as “happy ending” but if I had to give an LGBT cinema rec list, that’s it as a sum. I don’t really have like, a big portfolio of UWU HAPPY ENDING GAYS because 1. there aren’t a lot of those but 2. to me, it’s not about the ending, it’s about the journey. Be that in flick or through culture and history itself.
If you want more happy ending stuff, you definitely have to look at 2010+, but it’s not like we’re in a rich and fertile landscape yet so honestly just googling that would probably serve you better since I don’t explicitly explore romance genre or happy endings to really have a collection. LGBT life is hard and film often reflects that if we’re making genuine statements about it and really representing it, and we’re just now getting to a point of reliably having the chance at a happy ending. That or maybe someone can add like “Explicit happy endings” lists after this that has more experience in that subgenre.
Also, I can’t emphasize ENOUGH to remember what was progressive then is not what is progressive now, and frankly, what some people think is progressive now they’ll probably look back on what they said and feel really fuckin’ embarrassed. See: “It’s not text because by alt right homophobic dialogue, M/M sex isn’t gay if you do the secret handshake” MGTOW kinda crazy ass dialogue or parallel narratives they inspire that encourage self-closeting and denial based on the pure idea that being gay makes you somehow lesser, so It’s Not That. Like. I am. 99% sure. At least half of the people talking in this fandom. Are going to regret that the internet is forever. And maybe hope hosting servers end in the inevitable nuclear war that will annihilate this planet.
Also, edit: Speaking of mistaken dialogues and words aging poorly, I’d like to apologize from the poor description I rendered “The Crying Game” with, but that really goes to show how deep-seated the issue is we can so casually fuck up identifying a trans narrative as SURPRISE DICK IS GAY when we were all absorbing the content like 20+ years ago and HOW HARD it can be to de-code yourself from that kind of programming because here I am, writing a giant assed rep post and fucking it up because my brain hadn’t soaked that movie since Y2K. Guess what, time for me to go watch the Crying Game again.
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veinsandknuckles · 5 years
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It's a bad life if you don't weaken, pt 6 (Tallahassee/Reader)
(Please consider reblogging if you like the fic!)
Tallahassee would never bother with a ‘nice merlot’ as long as there was stronger stuff for him to grab, his logic being that percentage won out over flavor every time and that drinking wine, especially named wine, was ‘fucking gay’. (Everyone had given up on trying to check his casual homophobia, but at least he’d traded some of his stronger terms for well... words that weren’t slurs.)
So what you got, after a lot of sulking, was neat rum in served up in clean glasses and cups, none of which matched the other. Tallahassee shook his head at you when you poured the left-over juice from the canned pineapple into yours and Little Rocks drinks, then groaned with disappointment when Columbus shrugged and followed suit.
Little Rock cheered to adulthood and immediately downed her drink. Because of your stunt with the juice, she wouldn’t be able to tell that it was practically a mocktail.
You stole both Tallahassee’s and Columbus’ line by cheering to alcohol and knocked back what you hoped would be the first glass of many. Tallahassee didn’t stop you from reaching for the bottle.
Columbus cheered to life, instantly embarrassing everyone before he clarified that he was being sarcastic.
Tallahassee cheered to tits and guns and freedom. Things deteriorated after that.
Columbus was waiting for you in the hallway with the mop when you left Little Rock’s room. You shut her door as quietly as you could and looked up at him.
“Is she... going to be okay?” Columbus leaned the mop against the wall and smoothed back his hair. You prayed he’d actually used it and not brought it up for you as a hint.
“Oh yeah. She got it all up and out and I helped her clean herself up. She’ll be right as rain after a night’s sleep.”
Little Rock hadn’t had a bad first go at being drunk. She hadn’t embarrassed herself any worse than hitting Columbus in the nose and admitting to you, in between vomiting, that she’d made out with Michael once behind the bleachers so he’d teach her how to hot wire a car. She’d just assumed you knew who Michael was. Or who Michael had been.
Columbus still looked a little worried and his nose still looked swollen, but he tried to smile. “It was so nice of you to take care of her like that. You’d make a really good mom.”
“...what?”
“No, I mean, you... you’re just... good, you know? Nice. A nice person.”
You could see he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him but you were too tired to help him untangle this one. Columbus shut his eyes tight. Eventually you relented.
“Right. Thank you. Thankfully we’ll never have to find out about the ‘mom’ part.”
He laughed and nodded and you’d never seen anyone make it look less natural.
The tension out here was as thick as glue, worse than could be expected after only a weirdly put compliment, and it worried you because hardly any of this tension was radiating from you.
Columbus was... there was no nicer way to put it, he was getting weirder. You’d avoided speculation and this was not when you wanted to go there - you were still buzzed, everyone had had a chance to unwind (all over the stairs in Little Rock’s case) and while you’d counted on having to help the actual child, you absolutely did not want to babysit anybody else. Or their... feelings.
“Well, um. It was still really nice of you and I was just thinking that maybe you could use some a-... some time to relax, too. I got an old tape player working in the rec room, it just needed new batteries.”
Oh, you could picture it alright, more terrible cocktails, tinny top 40 music from back when cassettes were still a thing and Columbus trying to make out with you against a fuss-ball table. You shuddered and pulled your hoodie tighter around you to pretend it was the draft that was bothering you. He wasn’t a bad guy, he just didn’t know what he was doing, or that you wouldn’t be willing to teach him. God help him if he found out your real preference... he’d have to accept that when you got quiet and stared out the car window, you weren’t, as he’d apparently assumed, wishing for a life of peace and safety, obscure indie rock and rearing apple-cheeked children but instead daydreaming about crawling into the front seat and choking on Tallahassee’s dick while he was still driving.
You’d been wrong. No attention at all would be better than this. You missed being ignored by Tallahassee.
“That... that sounds so nice, Columbus, but I’m completely wrecked. Can we take a rain check?”
Columbus beamed as if that’s just the words he’d hoped to hear. You’d been too nice, you’d made your negative much too ambiguous.
“Rain check, yeah, of course! The rec room isn’t going anywhere. Did you check it out yet? It’s pretty cool, totally retro.”
“I bet it is.” You sighed and rubbed your forehead to sell the excuse. Actually, speak of the devil - now you were really developing a headache. “Seems a shame to let the cocktails go to waste though. Mind if I steal one as a nightcap?”
“Of course not, I made them for you. I’ll bring one up for you.”
You had to squeeze past him to get to your bedroom and you heard him draw in a sharp breath. God damn it. You shut your door behind you, leaned on it and nearly slid to the floor, then pulled yourself together. The door opened inwards so you wedged a chair under the handle and sat down on the bed.
Something was different and you looked around, eager for anything else to think about. It took you a few seconds, then you brushed your hand across the bed again and realised it was made, not rumpled like you’d left it, and the sheets were different.
At first you felt sick. You didn’t want to have to elevate Columbus from misguided softie to genuine creep... but he’d been outside, and then with Little Rock in the kitchen all afternoon and evening. Tallahassee had been the only one upstairs.
You pulled the blanket back and leaned down to sniff the sheets. They were clean, a little musty from disuse... and then you caught a whiff of Tallahassee’s cologne.
He’d made your bed. It made you flush hot, even though you remembered that Little Rock’s bed had been surprisingly fresh, too and knew he’d probably just done over all of them to keep his hands busy.
Still. The sheets smelled a little like him and you quickly pulled the pillow over that spot, lest it faded into the night before Columbus’ return. You should not have asked him to fetch you that drink....
The door rattled and you got back up, got the chair out of the way and exited into the hallway. Columbus hadn’t even knocked. You smiled at him awkwardly and then pretended you only just now realised that blocking the door against him was a little odd. “I can’t go to sleep these days unless I know no one can get in...”
“Oh yeah, that makes sense.”
You took the glass from his hand and left it on a table just inside your room. Columbus wasn’t leaving.
“Thank you, Columbus. That was really nice of you.”
“You know you’re safe, right? Me and Tallahassee, we’ll make sure we’re all safe.”
“Never hurts to be a little paranoid.”
He tried to laugh that off, and you looked down at your hands.
“Well... Goodnight, alright?” Take the hint. Please, take the hint. He was still there. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Of course.”
Columbus leaned out, gave two awkward finger guns and you couldn’t help laughing even if you were uncomfortable. That was a mistake, because Columbus must have read somewhere that women go for men that make them laugh and he leaned in with one hand on the wall next to your ear and kissed you.
You’d never expected him to just go for it like that... and his other hand was actually on your arm, making it difficult for you to slip away. His breath tasted like pure alcohol. He’d never been a big drinker. You weren’t sober yourself so your reaction time left something to be desired; finally, and it felt like it’d taken an age, you overcame your surprise and pushed him gently but firmly away from you.
“Columbus...” You kept your voice at a whisper because the last thing you wanted was to embarrass him any more than you had to.
“I... that was wrong. Right? I misread you.”
“Yeah. You did.”
He nodded, quickly, head bobbing up and down as if that could dislodge his blush. “It was too soon. I get it. I’m sorry.”
You drew a deep breath. You really hadn’t wanted to have to do this, but now the situation had become too dire for hints. “Columbus, I’m sorry, but it has nothing to do with time. I just don’t think of you that way. And I’m never going to.”
He stared at you. First he looked confused, then almost angry, then lost. “...Why? I mean, why not?”
“Come on, you don’t really want me to answer that.”
“Oh.” He stepped back further and smiled, stiff and proud and this time definitely a little pissed off. “No, I get it. I’m just a skinny nerd, what would you want with me? You should hold out for Mr. Perfect, I’m sure he’s right around the corner.”
As if your taste wasn’t a good enough reason... you drew yourself up a little too. He wouldn’t force you to apologise again, or to give him an explanation that he’d like better. He was drunk and disappointed, sure, but that would only excuse him for so long. “You’re too good a person to want someone who’s just settling for you, or someone who’s with you out of pity.”
“Good guy, that’s me.”
“Don’t start.”
Columbus sucked in a deep breath through his nose and when he exhaled it, his anger left with it. “You’re right. That was a shitty thing to say, I’m sorry.” He rubbed his eyes and added. “I’m so drunk, still... as it turns out, rum is strong stuff.”
But he’d used up all your patience by now so you just nodded and moved back towards your door. “Then go sleep it off. I’ll forget this ever happened as long as you take me at my word and don’t try anything like that again.”
This time, you did slide to the floor when you got back into your room. You sat there for a long time with your arms around your knees and you didn’t cry.
---
Well, it had happened. It’d finally happened.
The two of you had been much too busy to hear him step out onto the landing, and if you’d heard him go back into his room or shut his door and realised you’d had an audience, it wasn’t his problem.
Tallahassee stared at the bottle in his hand. For a moment he meant to chuck it at the wall, but someone would be bound to come running to chew him out for causing noise. And it was still half full. It’d be a shame to waste it.
He would’ve punched a pillow instead, but that’d never done any good for anybody. He stalked to the window and looked down at the abandoned car - maybe the keys were still in the ignition. He hadn’t had time to unpack his own stuff yet, he could just grab his bag and bail, let these idiots fend for themselves and see how they liked it.
But no, he couldn’t do that, not to Little Rock. That boy must have some well hidden talent for manipulation because he’d known just what to say to make Tallahassee start to think of her almost as if she was his own daughter. And now he’d gotten under your skin, too.
Tallahassee had spun on his heels the instant he saw you two locking lips and he couldn’t get the image of it out of his mind. God fucking damn it, his own room was right next yours. Any minute now he’d have to listen to the headboard bouncing off the wall and the two of you doing your best to keep quiet.
Only light at the end of the tunnel was that there was absolutely no way it’d last long. He snorted. Columbus might as well have ‘adult virgin’ tattooed across his forehead and Tallahassee would eat his own hat if that pipsqueak lasted more than a minute.
That wasn’t much of a positive. Because it’d still mean someone other than Tallahassee was fucking you, holding you... finishing in you. Maybe if the kid was bad enough at it, you’d tire of him eventually. Want something real. Someone who’d know what to do with you...
God, that was a real low thought. Tallahassee took a deep drink, ran his fingers over his face and groaned. Definitely starting to lose it, the old him would never have gotten this twisted up over a woman. Maybe he should take that car for a joyride, find some zombies to cut down and -
Someone knocked on his door. Oh, great.
“Now’s really not the time,” he growled. There was a creak as whoever it was shifted their weight from one foot to the other. Then your voice, soft and quiet, replied with a “please.”
You looked as if you were about to cry. Or like you were pissed off, it was hard to tell sometimes. Tallahassee stared down at you, completely non-plussed, then leaned out of the doorway but there was no one else on the landing. “Uh... yeah. Fine.”
You slipped past him barefoot and he, very gently, closed the door and gestured to the bed, the only piece of furniture in here for you to sit on. As it happened, he gestured with the hand still holding the bottle. Oh well. The floor probably could do with being disinfected. He watched you impassively as you padded over and sat down with a shiver, then held the bottle out to you. You took it, drank, made a face and then settled back down to looking tired and miserable.
“I leave you people alone for five minutes and this is what happens, huh?”
If you’d been a friend or a lover, hell, even a kid, Tallahassee would have known what to do. He’d stroke your chin and lift it up so you would look at him and then he’d pull you close, let you give him your weight and keep still and gentle while you cried or talked out your worries. But you were none of those things. The only thing he could offer without crossing any boundaries was words. Of course, he wasn’t comfortable with that kind of talk and you didn’t really look ready to spill your guts unprovoked.
“Come on,” he managed at last. “Romeo couldn’t have been that bad, could he?”
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migleefulmoments · 4 years
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Oh my God. So now people in Hollywood are threatening Darren and Chris's families if they don't comply? Tinhats are saying they wouldn't be surprised if someone died in a freak accident to put Darren and Chris in line. How long before they bring up Chris's mom and start getting suspicious?
Anonymous said: Damn it’s real dramatic over in CCLand today. Abby’s “anons” are talking about how someone must have threatened to kill Darren or Chris’s family if Darren didn’t get married. And then we have Abby saying that no matter what happens she won’t abandon them. Yeah, she is definitely setting the stage for claiming someone threatened to kill Chris if Darren didn’t have a baby with Mia. She knows a baby is coming eventually and she can’t let go of her CCThrone.
It’s da Mafia, my friends! 
They are so full of themselves-and so dramatic- it’s terrifying. 
I keep saying that Abby is writing a Telenovela and damn does she love the drama. She’s also desperate to keep her storyline going and there just isn’t a logical reason WHY Darren would be in the closet and married to Mia at this point unless you go for “big threats”. Abby has suggested this vague“threat” theory before but nobody else picked it up so we never had such scary-hilarious promises of allegiance to Criss and Colfer. This is exactly the kind of pithy, over-the-top emotional digging into a cause that social media was made for- the kind in which you have no actual impact but you blog the hell out it like you matter.  
One of the biggest issues with the CrissColfer storyline is why should we be sympathetic to ccDarren and/or ccChris? They are both successful, famous, wealthy, powerful men. Abby’s never-ending criticisms of ccDarren are becoming a problem. While she always blames it on “his team”, most people don’t find it so obviously his team’s fault as evidenced by her Nonnies who then get a lecture on HOW it IS his team’s fault. Of course, nobody is controlled by their employees and ccDarren and ccChris aren’t victims or children. 
Abby delights when she can claim that ccDarren is treating Mia abhorrently because it fulfills her hatred of Mia but nobody else feels so delighted. For instance, she claimed he was trying to pull her in the water during a New Year’s Eve embrace. 
I’m guessing, and we are missing the moment inbetween d goes to dip her so she things she’s getting her kiss but in fact tries to throw her in the water.(X)
The sane among us are disgusted by a claim that he would try to drown his wife. The same goes for ccChris when he publically bullies and shames Mia on social media and his books. Abby’s love of hating Mia often overshadows her need to keep ccChris and ccDarren as victims. 
The basis of CrissColfer is that both men want to be famous and work in Hollywood for the big money and they can’t tell their truth without fear of losing everything. After ten years, both men are no longer the “inexperienced, naive, innocent young men who made bad choices when fame was flashed in their faces” and Abby needs a new spin in order to keep her followers emotionally invested. Throw in a storyline where both men are just trying to stay afloat after their families were threatened and WHOA man, you have two very compelling characters with sympathy through the roof.
Anonymous asked: Let's not forget that with the wedding being the lesser of two evils, one of the threats could have gone far beyond you or C would never be working in this industry again, like you said, the people in power will do anything to hide their sins and there really is no limit, who knows a threat on his (or C's or other family) live could have been made. It sure as hell wouldn't be the first time someone dies in a freak accident because they have dirt on someone (Chris already lost his mom in a freak accident. I can’t imagine he would ruin his entire life over the fear of losing someone else when he understands that life is precious and you can’t control what happens to family members. Or the other argument is why would he allow someone to control his life when the easy solution is to go off to NYC and become an author.  Leave Hollywood behind for the man he loves and living an authentic life. It doesn’t seem like that hard of a tradeoff to me)
ajw720 answered: Nonnie. I’m really starting to question. And m has her family and SS on her side. That’s a lot of power and ruthlessness. (I'm always fascinated by the power that Abby imagines Mia’s family has. If Chris and Darren are powerless then why is the head of Vera Wang’s company so powerful? Mia’s dad owned a small chain of small music venues. He’s likely loaded but not in the BIG powerful world of movers and shakers. As for Sunshine Sachs- they are very powerful and healthy but there is little incentive for them to risk it all by getting involved in little unknown Darren’s love life by closeting him).    
I’ve decided. No matter what they throw at us, while i may not be able to watch as closely, I’m not abandoning them unless there comes a point I think it’s willing. I don’t see that happening. What is happening is not about straight. (What “they throw at us”? This isn’t about you, Abby. Nothing about CC is about you. You’re just a lonely, unstable fan sitting in her living room all alone obsessing about Mia and fabricating outrageous stories about a family you don’t know and a man who doesn’t care about you. I’m curious, what would convince you that he’s willing? You already said you wouldn’t believe him if he told you he loved Mia.  You’re destinated to come out the loser because you refuse to see or accept reality.)    
It’s about hiding sins. If it were just straight as I have repeatedly said it would be done better and with someone that actually makes d look good. (So she’s twisting the story to be about hiding sins.  I’m not sure how forcing the farce to continue is a good strategy to ensure you don’ get caught. It seems like a cut and run strategy is better- preferably with big payoffs. Lots of us DO think Darren does look good. It’s only the people obsessed that he’s gay who don’t like him).
I just hope they have finally aligned with the right people to help them (How would this work? Either Ryan and Sunshine are terrified of their role coming out, all-powerful and threatening his family to keep it quiet OR there are people to align with who can help but not both because people who threaten others' lives for their own interests aren’t going to show up at the negotiation table willing to work out and deal).
flowersintheattic254. @ajw720 I’ll state publicly that I’m with you on that. I’m not going away unless I see it’s willing. Right now it doesn’t seem to be and frankly the more I learn about Holly/wood and how people are manipulated and abused the more I think it isn’t a choice or a very unwilling one. (Why would Darren and Chris stay there if it is that bad?  If Hollywood is one big cesspool then reasonable people would get the hell out of dodge, do something because living in that environment will turn you into that kind of person.  Also, I just have to add that the Catholic Church has an abysmal record on sex abuse of women and children so if anyplace is manipulative and abusive, it’s Abby’s church)
leka-1998 Totally agreed.
I feel like every day I get more repulsed by what the people in that awful industry are capable of.
notes-from-nowhere If it is possible, the more I know, the more I feel compelled to stand up against this habits and fight back. (How exactly will you do that? I’m fascinated and can’t wait to hear)
Nothing will change overnight. Not D’s life, not the ones of the others in his same situation but we can do something. And as much as we could, I’m sure, we will. (No shit sherlock, you’re 10 years  inand no end in sight)
I will accept defeat the day D will show me, without a doubt, that this is what he wants for his life and not matter if right or wrong, I will respect his choice. To date, I don’t think we are even close to that. Time will tell. (Again, what can Darren do to prove to you? He married the woman he’s dated for 8 years, he opened a business with her, he gushed about the wedding, and he travels with her everywhere. When he tells you how he feels about her you all instantly dismiss his words as being contracted or “Mia wrote them”.  You refuse to SEE what is so plain in front of you. I cannot imagine what he could do that would convince you.)  
In the meantime I will keep doing what I do now. (which is lie, twist facts, post Glee photos as CrissColfer, make stupid comparisons, and blow some up Abby’s ass).   
Anonymous asked: I agree about HW and who knows what kind of nefarious shit goes on. The problem I have is his parents not intervening in this . I get there is probably blackmail at this point but surely his parents can see this can’t go on. I’m afraid it’s affecting his family at this point and I would think his dad would take the reigns at some point and say enough. This is the only thing that tells me it’s short term and there is an escape date. I don’t see his parents accepting something permanent.
Do they have a choice though nonnie? That’s the question. How are they more powerful then the heavy weights he’s up against? What has been threatened? I have an idea of where I think this is going but I don’t know and I’m firm there’s 2 distinct paths, one is freedom. The other is too horrifying for words. And I think by the end of the year we will know. (She is sure they will be divorcing after the anniversary and Hollywood airs.) 
Because no doubt this has gravely hurt d and his spirit. And between c and his parents, i’d think they are doing everything to help him win. All parties on his side have to be petrified. Because even if there’s a positive plan in place, what’s to stop it from changing? Because I reiterate. D was going to come out tied to ACS and it went nightmarishly wrong. And he’s well being and safety are at stake for as long as she is tied to him. (She reiterates God Damnit! She KNOWS she was right!!!!!!! WTAF? No, he wasn’t going to come out. He’s told you he’s straight and there is no reason to suspect he’s lying. I love the comments about his safety as long as Mia is around or his image as long as his team is around-He’s fucking thriving. When is the shit going to hit the fan? He won the top four awards, has his own show on a new platform, has a big Broadway show coming, has a Ryan Murphy Netflix show that he helped co-create, Elsie is amazing, StarKid had a very successful year, his wedding is all over the “top celeb weddings” lists, he was busy AF this year and he just bought a $3 million house. It’s been a decade-when will this bad stuff start? ). 
Anonymous asked: I do fear D is in this for the long haul unfortunately. It has slowed down for her a bit post-nuptials but unless this show with RM is serving as an out, I don’t see how D will ever get out of this. We also need to remember she knows too much too at this point. It’s not that easy to get someone with the amount of info she has to just go away. If she’s intent on riding coattails, there may be little D can do to get rid of her. I hope I’m wrong. I want to see him win. But it doesn’t look good. (What does ccMia know that she can use against him? That would mean he’s done something wrong but according to cc lexicon, it’s all done against him, he’s the victim. If anything he would have dirt on her to use) 
I can’t believe how naive I was to think it was as simple as d&c saying no. I doubt that was ever an option and they learned that, after months of fighting post encagement, in the cruelest manner. Honestly I’m feeling almost more heartbroken today then on feb 16 because I’m finally seeing the horrifying reality of HW.Nonnie. Despite the fact that I don’t trust him, I’m praying that RM saw that it serves his agenda and reputation to help d as it would rehabilitate his character much more than to continue to hurt him, because at this point I think he’s the only person that has the power to get him out. Now we wait and see. (I don’t see how Ryan Murphy can serve as both Mafia boss and his savior but I understand that he’s the only one that could possibly play that role right now. There are no other gay Yoda’s in Darren’s life with enough cloud to be the “savior” so by process of elimination, Ryan is the one). .   ’t see how Ryan Murphy can serve as both Mafia boss and his savior but I understand that he’s the only one that could possibly play that role right now. There are no other gay Yoda’s in Darren’s life with enough cloud to be the “savior” so by process of elimination, Ryan is the one).    
I can’t believe how naive I was to think it was as simple as d&c saying no. I doubt that was ever an option and they learned that, after months of fighting post encagement, in the cruelest manner. Honestly I’m feeling almost more heartbroken today then on feb 16 because I’m finally seeing the horrifying reality of HW. (So basically, the original cc storyline isn’t holding up anymore after the end dates passed for coming out- Glee ended, the 8-year contract expired, Hedwig ended, ACS started, filmed and ended, Awards season came to a finish and now you’re hoping the anniversary is the lucky date.  But you need to explain why Darren and Chris have so much power and still are not together so you’re going for something bigger and more sinister.  The problem is that while Hollywood has a seedy underbelly, you can’t take one person’s story and extrapolates it to everyone. Judy Garland may have been drugged but they didn’t know the effect of drugs back then like we do know and the military gives the pilots “go” and “no go” pills to help them perform to this day under close medical supervision)  
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the20thcenturykid · 4 years
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This shot is important. This is one of reasons why I adore this series.
The phase "I love you" isn't limited to romantic relationship. It's isn't limited to child-parent relationship. And what the most important - every gender should be able to freely show tenderness and love. So many times I saw man who HAD TO express his feeling and explain them, end he choose to do so to complete strangers, not his friends. I work as bartender sometimes and trust me - in 3 months I heard more male calling for help than in 22 years of my life! This is mostly problem of straight men and closeted queers of male physique - because of our cultural heritage men are supposed to be those tough ones, they are almost not allowed to talk about their emotional problems and feeling because they will be treated as weaker (I'm spending a lot of time with straight male friends and trust me - sometimes you have to be really close to someone to make them open to you. Way closer than to random straight woman or opened queer). And because of that men are sometimes scared to say that "they love someone" who isn't their girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/whatever. I had to work on my brothers to learn them feel comfortable with sibling hug. Now? Man! We hug each other with our every greeting, bye, and in random moments from time to time. And they love those hugs (they are sometimes those who want it)! Not in stiff, "manly" way, but in tender, soft and comforting way. And bystanders are sometimes really shocked by that even if they know I'm his sister, not random woman.
Even more shocked when we exchange words "I love you", like you're not allowed to love someone unromantically? Man at 34 isn't allowed to show soft side while greeting his lil sister? Are we living in middle ages or what? God! In my country in past it was actually culturaly acceptable to kiss someone in the lips unromanticaly! This was normal greeting of close friend of the same gender. Two men or women kissing were nothing weird - they might be just close friends (Now when I think of it my country was pretty safe place for gays because even if homosexuals weren't socially accepted, you could still kiss your partner in front of everyone without ANY suspicions). Damned XX century had to fuck up this. Bad side of globalisation here.
So, back to this screenshot - I know those two are still kids not grown men (although Callum is in age when "boys should start act like a man" and from what I saw while watching my brothers and friends, it's really confusing age when guys "don't feel like hugging anymore"), but showing this kind of love between siblings and letting them say those words is important. Especially in kids show. Because when kid grow up seeing shots like this, showing "it's ok to show some tenderness", "it's ok to show your soft side" he will learn that hug between siblings don't have to be awkward - it can be normal, natural, pure.
And thank you for coming to my TED talk.
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Hey, so I personally don't see anything wrong with being lgbt+. It most certainly shouldn't be a sin. But everyone in my life is always telling me that it is. That the bible is God's word and that it says (and here they use the clobber verses) that the bible says that it so wrong. But the thing is, it isn't. It isn't wrong. But according to pretty much everyone in my life, God views it as a sin. I just....I need to know if that's true. If so, God is not as loving as the bible says. 1/2
3/3 I know being Lgbt+ is not a sin. It isnt wrong. But according to practically everyone in my life, God views it as a sin. That doesnt line up with what I understand about God. But at this point, a part of me is afraid that maybe they could be right. But then if so, God would not be who I understand him to be. I don’t know what to do at this point. Sorry for sending these long asks. Feel free to ignore them. Sorry.
_________
Hi there! So sorry for the long delay. Also, if there was a second part to your ask, tumblr must have eaten it. But i think i get the gist of what you are asking anyhow!
i really feel you when it comes to finding it hard not to listen to the many, many voices around that insist that God is against LGBTQA+ people existing as we are. As a marginalized and oppressed group, we are told that we are abnormal, a deviation from what is natural, and if “unnatural” then “against God.” 
But we are not called to conform to what our societies assume – but rather, to challenge the world’s norms. Jesus spent his whole life questioning the things his society took for granted: the status of women and strict gender roles dividing women and men; the degradation of those who did not fit into the male-female binary, eunuchs; the hatred between Samaritans and his own Jewish community; Roman imperialism; and more. We are called to do likewise.
So listen to what you hear people say – and then do your own research. Talk to God about it. Wrestle with God. Read about it. Write about it. Look to see what fruit is borne when LGBTQA+ people are able to exist freely versus when we are forced to live lies. Keep on imagining bigger and vaster and brighter, because the God who created so much diversity is Themself infinite. 
I have some sources that might help you on this search:
First off, check out my resources page and my FAQ for so many posts and links! 
If you like books, two good easy reads are God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines (for the LGB) and Transforming by Austen Hartke (for the T).
If you like videos, see Austen Harke’s Transgender and Christian YouTube channel.
If you like podcasts, check out Queerology, Queer Theology, Blessed Are the Binary Breakers, or Lord Have Mercy.
“Our Bible App” is a great app full of LGBTQA-friendly devotionals
“How do you deal with the Bible passages that “condemn” being gay? / If God is okay with LGBT people why does the Bible speak against it?” Answer
“How do we take context into account when reading the Bible without using it to justify what we already think?” Answer 
I once wrote a sermon on the idea that when we give in to the idea that being LGBT is a sin, that’s “conforming to the world,” while embracing LGBT people as they are is living into God’s Kin(g)dom.
“How do you know God is okay with LGBT+ people?” Answer 
Everything I thought I knew about God has changed now that I have accepted God affirms LGBT people – what do I do? / I don’t know the Bible or God like I thought I did – what do I do? Answer
I hope this helps you as you go on this journey!
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3 Words - Stucky
Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes
Summary: It only took 3 words to turn Bucky's world around. Normally, almost nothing could caught him off guard, but in that moment, his jaw nearly hit the ground.
Word count: 2,733
Warning: Slightly implied smut
A/N: This plays partly before, partly after Infinity War but we're gonna imagine everything went well, they won the fight and everyone is alive and friends again. Basically, let's pretend life isn't as fucked up as it is rn. Also, in this Steve and Bucky didn't had contact during Bucky's stay in Wakanda.
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For already a while, Bucky's constant state had been simply Confusion. Nothing new, some would say, but it was. At least to him.
He always loved Steve. More like a brother, a best friend, but he loved him. But something has changed since he got unfreezed in Wakanda, being met with T'challa and Shuri rather than his best friend. He felt disappointed almost.
The time he spend in his little cabin in Wakanda wasn't the best as well. Of course, he loved the kids and his goats. And the peace he was finally able to enjoy, apart from the farm work. But he wasn't happy. Steve wasn't there with him and he missed him more than anything. Bucky couldn't go to anyone when those nightmares came back and he couldn't talk to anyone about the fears that still lingered inside of him. He had to suppress all that.
When T'challa brought him his new arm, he knew the peace was over. But Steve was coming. He would be able to see him again. And after all this was over, he would be able to be with him again. He felt his heart swell whenever he thought of it, a small smile creeping it's way onto his face. He couldn't wait. So he did everything to not look like a greasy, depressed man. He took a much needed shower, put on his new arm and suit before making his way over to where Steve and the others would arrive.
When Bucky saw the jet landing he could almost feel his heart exploding with excitement, the smile on his face permanent as he shifted nervously. He watched from afar as T'challa led the group towards him. Then he spotted Steve for the first time in years, and he felt his throat get dry. His hair was slightly longer, styled back, and he had grown a pretty impressive beard, his old uniform worn out. He looked so amazing, Bucky felt himself starting to sweat. He never had that kind of reaction from just seeing someone, but he did now.
As the group neared he tried redeemed himself, taking a deep breath as to calm himself, even though his heart was racing harder than it ever did before. He could hear T'challas voice the closer they got. "You have my kings guard, the border tribe," They were so close, but still haven't seen Bucky. He slowly crept out of his hiding spot. "the Dora Milaje, and-" "A semi-stable 100 year old men" He grinned, instantly walking towards Steve. The Blond smiled brightly at him before pulling him in for a hug. It didn't last long, but it was enough time for Bucky to take in Steves sweet scent. He wished they could stay like this forever. He had missed him so damn much.
"How've you been, Buck?" Steve asked with a smile after pulling away. God that smile. "Ehh, not bad, for the end of the world." Bucky joked, a small grin on his face.
After that they all prepared for the war that was about to happen. Bucky clearly wasn't ready, he was tired of fighting. All he wanted to do was to stay somewhere safe with Steve, just the two of them, like it used to be back in the 40's. But he realized he wouldn't get his wish granted as a couple of spaceships brought a mass of giant, angry aliens to Wakanda.
The fight was hard and exhausting and left all everyone physically and mentally scared, but after what felt like eternity they finally won.
*2 month later*
Most of the Avengers came back to live on the Avengers compound, including Bucky, and it was the happiest he's been in years. He finally got to spend time with Steve again. He obviously didn't have him all to himself, but he would have to accept that.
By now, Bucky had realised that the feeling he got around Steve wasn't like friendship. He had changed, just like his view on Steve. Bucky could feel his heart pick up whenever the Blond smiled at him and when Steve fell asleep next to him after Bucky joined him after another nightmare, he could burst out in tears of happiness.
What held him back from saying anything is Steve's past. To Bucky, it appeared like he was straight. He never told him anything about any attraction towards men, and hell he watched him making out with Sharon a couple years back. On the other hand, Bucky hasn't told Steve about his sudden bisexuality as well. He himself wasn't even sure if he was bi. All he wanted was Steve. But he kept silent, pushing his feelings down in fear of rejection. At least until that day, which turned his whole point of view around.
It was one of those cozy evenings where they all would sit in the lounge, maybe watching a movie, joking around and just being happy about how peaceful it finally was. Bucky would take his standard place on one of the couches, next to Steve. Their arms would brush against each other from time to time, and even the small contact made Bucky shiver. He wouldn't even listen to the ongoing conversation, his mind focused on his phone in his hands and Steve's slight touches. But when the conversation shifted to that exact man, he lifted his gaze to listen. "Come on Steve, when was the last time you had fun, mh?" Natasha, who was sitting on Steves other side, grinned. "I don't have time for relationships. Someone's gotta save the world, y'know." Steve answered, shrugging. "But come on, maybe just a little fun from time to time, nothing serious. It would do you good, you're too tense all the time." Tony joined the conversation, grinning as well. Bucky tensed in his spot as Steve chuckled beside him. He didn't want to think about his best friend/crush sleeping with a random girl. "I hate to admit, but Stark is right." Natasha went on. "What about that barista in the coffee shop this morning? He totally gave you bedroom eyes." Buckys eyes widened. He?
The rest of the team seemed just as surprised. "But Steve isn't gay?" Sam spoke from his spot on the bean bag. Steve turned to him, brows furrowed. "You didn't know?" Buckys breath quickened. There was no way he was- "I'm actually bi." Buckys jaw slacked as he started at Steve in disbelief, just like everyone else. "What?" he heard himself say, a little too loud as now everyone turned to him. He felt himself blush, slowly closing his mouth again. "Why didn't you tell me." He was actually kind of hurt Steve didn't tell him. But then Steve softly smiled at him and he forgot basically everything. "I just didn't know why it would be relevant. I just told Natasha because she was with me when I once didn't turn down a guy who flirted with me." He shrugged. Bucky just sat there staring as his hands, not knowing how to react.
"I'm bi as well." He suddenly blurted, his mouth speaking faster than his mind could think. His cheeks turned a dark shade of red when he realized what he said, his mind spinning as he thought how weird that must have sounded. His gaze lifted to Steve who was just grinning at him. "So you wanna call me out for not telling you when you didn't tell me yourself?" Bucky chuckled nervously at the irony. "Great. Now we have two bi super soldiers." Rhodey joked. "Anyone else want to out themselves? Or are two enough for today?" The room went silent. "Noone? Good, these two are acting awkward enough." Rhodey continued, pointing at Bucky and Steve. Both men laughed slightly at that.
When Bucky was making himself a sandwich in the kitchen a little later, Steve entered as well. "Hey Buck." He smiled brightly, making Bucky smile as well. "I wanted to say I'm sorry i didn't tell you about - y'know." He continued, scratching the back of his neck nervously. Bucky nodded, understanding. "I'm sorry as well. I should've told you earlier." He said, taking a bite of his sandwich. Steve smiled at him again with this goddamn smile that made his heart jump. "No more secrets from now on, alright?" Steve suggested, making Bucky gulp down his bite, the phrase 'I love you' running through his head instantly, wanting to be spoken out aloud. But he kept quiet, told Steve "Of course." instead. Steve nodded at that, padding him on the shoulder before leaving the kitchen. Bucky left out a heavy sigh, his mind dizzy. God he wanted to tell him so badly. But just because Steve was into men didn't mean that he was into him as well. He wanted to slap himself for his feelings, he hasn't fallen for someone in so long and now it had to be Steve? He knew his brain was messed up, but not that messed up.
The following night, Bucky once again woke up in the middle of the night with his chest heaving, his forehead glistening with sweat. A relieved sigh left his lips as he realized where he was, his dream not being reality. He could punch himself that after all these years, he still had nightmares about his times as the Winter Soldier.
He slowly slid out of bed, making his way to Steve's room, as usual. But this time it was different. Since he now knew Steve was bi as well, the chances that he might feel the same as he did were now higher. He took a deep breath as he stood infront of Steves room before lifting his hand, softly knocking again the door. He listened closely to the sound of ruffling sheets inside before a grumpy "Yeah?" made him open the door. He felt a little bad as he stepped inside, seeing a tiredSteve rubbing his eyes. He clearly had woken him up. Still, he didn't miss the way his heart jumped at how adorable Steve looked. All sleepy and soft, shirtless with his blanket pulled up to his broad chest.
"I-I'm sorry if i woke you up. I can leave again." Bucky mumbled, nervously picking on a loose threat of his sweatpants. "Shut up and come here." Steve chuckled, making Bucky smile. He closed the door behind him, walking over to the empty side of Steves bed and getting under the covers. He layed on his back, about 2 feet away from Steve as he stared against the ceiling. "Wanna talk about it?" Steve asked, laying on his side as his head rested on his elbow, looking down at Bucky. Bucky could feel his heart racing. "It's almost the same I've been having the last couple weeks. Nothing new." Steve nodded before dropping down beside Bucky, now laying much closer to him. Bucky could feel the heat radiating off the Blonds body and it made him want to cuddle into his side.
"Hey Buck?" Steve ripped him out of his thoughts as he stared at the ceiling as well. "Yeah?" "How did you know you were bi?" Bucky swallowed thickly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Steve was looking at him again. He clearly couldn't concentrate under his intense gaze. "I-I don't really know. Why?" Steve lifted his gaze back to the ceiling. "I dunno. Just curious." Bucky furrowed his brows in confusion. "How did you know?" "I fell for a guy, duh." Steve answered amused. Bucky felt his face heat up. "Of course." He simply replied. A calming silence filled the room after that. Bucky could still feel the heat from Steves body while he listened to his steady breathing. This was normally the point where they would either cuddle or just fall asleep next to each other. Bucky wanted nothing more than to be as close as possible to Steve, so he went for option one.
"Steve?" He asked quietly, getting a "Mhm?" as a response. "Can we cuddle?" He hated how desperate he sounded, but he smiled lightly as Steve chuckled. "Of course." Bucky immediately turned to Steve wanting to scoot closer but Steve suddenly stopped him. "I probably should put something on before this." Buckys brows furrowed. "What do you mean?" "It's a warm night. Didn't expect company." Steve answered honestly, shrugging his shoulders. It took Bucky a moment to understand, his face turning red as soon as he got what Steve meant. "Y-You're naked?" He asked, making sure he understood him correctly. Steve chuckled, amused by how flustered Bucky was, before nodding. Bucky just stared at him in disbelief. He had been laying in a bed with his butt naked crush. Steve still faced him as well, his lips curling into a sly smirk. "You want me to put something on or not?" He asked, biting his lip. Bucky fought the ought to stare at his mouth. Instead he kept his eyes on Steves as his throat went dry, his whole body feeling on fire. He wanted to say no, wanted to feel every inch of Steves skin. But he would never be able to fall asleep when Steve would be just laying beside him, completely naked.
So he swallowed thickly before croaking out a "Yeah." Steve nodded, smiling before standing up. Buckys eyes went wide as he now had full vision of Steves butt as he walked to his wardrobe to put on a pair of boxers. Buckys breath got caught in his throat as he watched the other man bent down slowly. Then it hit him. Steve was putting on a show for him. Noone takes so long to put on one piece of clothing.
"You little shit." Bucky almost growled, making Steve bite his lip again. "What was that?" The Blond asked as he turned around to get back on the bed. "You're doing this shit on purpose." Steve drpped back down beside Bucky, tilting his head to one side innocently while he grinned. "And what if I'm doing it on purpose?" He leaned forward slowly, smiling as Buckys breathing became more erratic. "For what reason?" Bucky questioned, now shamelessly staring at Steves lips which were slowly inching closer. They were already so close, he could feel Steves breath against his face as he chuckled. "Because i like you, dumbass." Buckys eyes widened, flying back to Steves to see if he was lying. "Are you serious?" Steve chuckled again. "Of course. Now stop talking and kiss me." Bucky didn't need anything else as he leaned forward, crashing his lips against Steves. He groaned into the kiss as they lips moved together, the taste of Steve even sweeter than he imagined it.
Bucky moved his hands to Steves waist to pull him closer, while one of Steves hands made it's way into Buckys hair, tugging gently. Bucky moaned softly at that, Steve taking this opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth. Both their tongues danced together perfectly as small noises of pleasure left Steves mouth. Buckys grip on Steves waist tightened as the only way to keep him grounded. He could feel his mind spinning, the warmth he felt in his belly spreading over his whole body. Of course he had kissed multiple people already, but this was a whole new level. With Steve it felt so good, just RIGHT. Like they were made for kissing each other and noone else.
After a couple minutes Steve pulled away, gasping for air while grinning at Bucky. "Shit, if i knew you could kiss like that i would've made out with you earlier." He chuckled, making Bucky smile. "We definitely should have done this earlier. We're both surprisingly good at it." Bucky agreed, earning a laugh from Steve. "Guess I'm going to take this as an 'I like you too'?" Steve questioned, his eyes meeting Buckys. Bucky slowly lifted his right hand to lay it on Steves cheek, slowly stroking the stubble as he smiled softly at him. "I like you too." He could see the way Steves eyes lit up, a wide grin on his lips. Both leaned in to kiss again, this time more slowly and lovingly than the last one as butterflies interrupted in both their stomachs. And as Bucky felt Steve smile into the kiss, he knew he was deeply in love with his best friend.
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despairforme · 5 years
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Why don't you and Grimmjow just get married already?
     He had gotten a similar question before. A question about marrying Grimmjow. For some reason, people seemed to not be able to grasp the concept of them being the same sex. And because of that, they COULDN’T live their life as a traditional couple. How the hell could Nnoitra marry a guy? Marriage was the union between a man and a woman. He’d been told that same-sex marriage was a thing, but he hadn’t done any research to see if it was allowed where they lived. In any case, those people who spoke about people of the same sex getting married obviously weren’t religious, like Nnoitra was. Religion didn’t play a big part in his everyday life, but it was how he was raised. If he ‘ married ‘ Grimmjow, then he would literally be SPITTING on everything that had been important to his mother. One thing was being in a relationship with Grimmjow, another thing would be to defile the sanctity of marriage by pretending to marry him. Nnoitra hated thinking about stuff like this. He hated how DEEP his need to make things up to his mother was. She was fucking dead, so none of this should matter - yet, it did. Maybe it wasn’t such a big surprise. She had done so much for him, and in the end, he had just left her without a word. And she had died all alone. He hadn’t even cried when he visited her grave. Nnoitra had always wanted her approval and her affection ( even though he knew he had never deserved it ). Somehow - that need hadn’t ended when she died.
     Did he believe in God? Sometimes. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with him loving Grimmjow, but marrying him? That would be wrong. A lot of people were so eager to speak about ‘ equal rights ‘, but Nnoitra wasn’t going to join them. If there was ONE thing he didn’t want to be associated with, it was the LGBT community. Lots of weird ass people dressing up in god knows what and walking in some parade while waving rainbow flags? FUCK NO. Those people, and especially those guys were one of the reasons why Nnoitra couldn’t be open about his sexuality. If people knew he was into guys, they would judge him. They would think he was feminine and girly. He was never going to associate himself with the stereotypical ‘ gay ‘ man. He wasn’t going to run around in fucking rainbow tights just because he loved Grimmjow - a man.
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     ❝ I talked ‘bout this before. We’re both men. We can’t marry. ❞ Even if, by some chance, they could marry legally, didn’t mean that said marriage would be a proper marriage. Not in Nnoitra’s opinion at least. Things would have to change a lot if Nnoitra was going to accept a marriage between the two of them. First, he would have to stop caring about his mother, and pretty much just forget all the time they spent together. He would have to forget his time spent in church or the times he had prayed. Nnoitra couldn’t see how he was supposed to manage something like that. And even if, he did, by some miracle manage this, it was still the second issue, which was just as big. Those fucking LGBT people had to stop branding themselves like they did. If he married a guy, Nnoitra would be one of the fucking front runners of that community. He would be one of the guys who had taken the biggest step, with actually marrying someone of the same sex. Would the LGBT community ever be something he wanted to affiliate himself with? He fucking doubted it. Why couldn’t he just be left in peace to date Grimmjow on his own terms? Why did he have to ‘ prove ‘ his love for him with a stupid ‘ marriage ‘? Did him refusing to be open about their relationship keep him from being proud to be loved by Grimmjow? He didn’t think so. Others might, but he didn’t. Other people had nothing to do with his love for Grimmjow, and he was going to keep it that way, by keeping their relationship secret. 
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