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meowlimia · 2 years

Text

TW ED vent

This isn’t an ed post necessarily. the first part of this post is a regular vent and the 2nd part is ed related business. trigger warning, i mention sxicide, food, ed related things, depression, etc. i dont plan on ever tagging my posts so this is probably the last big trigger warning i’ll put on my posts.

This is kind of a jumbled mess, i just typed exactly what i felt and what came to mind. i dont do in depth ed logs so if youre here for that this isnt it, i just cant be asked.

So like to get right into it. Me and my bestfriend have been having PROBLEMS. like bad ones. at least i think their bad, she thinks everything is dandy. She likes to do this funny girly thing where she finds a new person to date every few months and they become the absolute center of her world. despite, of course, us being bestfriends for 5 years. I’m not a jealous or possessive friend, I think that stuff is gross and makes me uncomfortable. but its annoying, some days she doesnt message at all, or leaves me on seen for almost an entire day. and when she DOES respond, its to tell me about all the fun theyve been having and how much shes missing him. which is great, im glad shes happy, he seems like the first genuinely good person shes dated. i just wish i didnt have to hear about it constantly, i wish my value as a friend didnt go to 0 everytime she finds a new person to obsess over. and of course, i always have to pick up the pieces and join in her snarking of her exes because they were definitely 100% of the problem (in all fairness, they were all really shitty).

The thing i find an issue with is like. she will NEVER stop talking about him. ben this ben that my god i dont even know ben why do i need to hear about him. i would understand if she need to vent or just wanted to talk about him a little, thats completely fine. but what im not okay with is day in day out talking ONLY about ben.

The only non-ben related thing we talk about is how awful shes feeling. sending me random pictures of her crying, talking about how she wants to kill herself, or her self harm, her bloody scratches. the worst part is she thinks its funny, and acts like shes not doing it to purposefully worry me. what do you want me to say? this is the 10th crying picture youve sent this week, this is the 10th time youve mentioned your self harm. i dont know what you expect me to do, i cant live in a perpetual state of worry and stress over how youre doing anymore. its exhausting. especially when she KNOWS how bad my ed is getting for me, how at this point im barely living for any reason other than purging and binging.

Yet of course, when i vent, i get the usual. “sorry bbg, not feeling up to reading/listening right now. love you” thanks! i genuinely do understand. thats why i tell her everytime what the voice message is, or what the hidden message is. i know shes struggling, but i am an awful person too. i do feel the need to vent to my closest friend, i do feel the need to vocalize what im going through. Either way, she gets upset when i delete it, because i felt guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed that i sent it in the first place.

I feel awful and guilty for it, but sometimes i feel like i truly hate her. I absolutely shouldnt feel this way, she is suffering greatly with her illnesses. I havent lived in her shoes, i dont know just how bad it is for her, i have no place to be upset at her for how shes feeling. But i still do. sometimes i just dont understand why shes being like this. She is on medication, she has a job she enjoys and doesnt pay rent/bills/anything, she has 4 people at anytime interested in her romantically, she makes friends within minutes of meeting people, she has a nice room with fun things shes bought or other people have gifted to her, she has a caring supportive boyfriend, she has great hair, she is genuinely beautiful inside and out and has a great personality. i just dont understand. its disgusting to say it and i know that, but i cant help it.

anyway thats my vent about my friend over. ed catch up time xx

things have been going well, in terms of losing weight/restricting/purging.

I’ve started to purge maybe 3-5 times a day? sometimes more in small amounts. something ive noticed is that i dont really binge often? usually i eat normal meals. like one packet of samyang ramen, fried eggs, and chamomile tea. its a small meal not calorie wise, one regular samyang pack is 530 calories, plus maybe 200 cals from the eggs, and maybe 100 for the oil i cook them in. the chamomile tea is 2 calories, plus maybe 20 with the tiny bit of honey i put in. its not a low calorie meal but its pretty small in portion size. either way, i’ll still purge something like that. i dont go on the kind of crazy binges ive heard a lot of people with eds do, like 3k or 6k meals. thats not from a sense of superiority, i just genuinely dont have access to enough food to do crazy binges like that

i think this is why i dont purge as much as i could be. sometimes a meal is so small i just cant be bothered to even try. like after some meals im just glued to my bed and wont get up for hours.

i was gonna add more to this, but truly i already feel sick thinking about it. i didnt think just writing about it would make my cravings kick in so bad.

either way, im going to keep going, till im pleased with my weight i guess. my psychologist recommended me to an eating disorder therapist. i hate the idea of recovery, but just having someone to talk to will be nice i guess. maybe it’ll hep me redirect the anger i feel towards my bestfriend for making me feel unheard. i hope it does. i truly love and care about her and i want to stop having these negative hateful thoughts.

#cw ed #cw vent #cw food

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cinderspots · 3 years

Note

Hi! I love your headcannons so much!

I’m not sure if this ones been done before but how would the re8 ladies react to a reader who is a siren/mermaid who can lure people to their deaths with their singing? They don’t usually, but they can. (Not sure how a mermaid ended up in the middle Eastern Europe but it’s fine)

You're like the first person who knows what a siren is, and im gonna make them a shifter siren so they can be on land :)

Hope you enjoy ❤

Tag List: @minitrescu @ultimatebottom69 @imsososolesbian

Included: Mother Miranda, Mia Winters, Donna Beneviento, Alcina Dimitrescu, Bela Dimitrescu, Cassandra Dimitrescu, Daniela Dimitrescu

Mother Miranda

Ok first off, she saw you in some water (dont ask me where, not the reservoir)

And she watches you for a hot sec

Which was a hot sec too long

Because you saw this fucking lady staring at you and went 'excuse me?'

And started to sing

Miranda fell under the spell for a few seconds before backing up

Ngl two weeks later youre in a fish tank on your way to Miranda's

Its ok, you like blondes, 2k later youll be fuckin married

Mia Winters

Mia lowkey just watched you shift to be able to breath on land

And just fuckin went with it

You zeroed in on her bc youre smart and you want pretty women

Mia is definitely pretty

And Mia, KNOWING WHAT YOU WERE, let you charm her

And then casually asked if it was true that sirens ate people

Which threw you for a loop

And then you spent the next two weeks talking to her and not killing people (not that you were originally, Mia doesnt need to know that)

Donna Beneviento

Donna doesnt care btw

She thinks you like nice

And you quickly becomed enamoured with her

(Hot)

She light up when she sees you

Shes so sweet guys how would you resist?

Shes just????

Fuck the authors too gay for this

Alcina Dimitrescu

You can't tell me someone didnt see you in the water and Alcina fucking bought you

Exactly, you can't

Except its for semi-wholesome reasons???

She doesnt want to keep you as a pet, so theres a bonus

But youre kind of there????

Idk this is like a 3k fic in the making

Bela Dimitrescu

You got reversed

She was singing and you pulled a prince eric (?) And fell in love with that alone

Because this is a fandom we do what we want

Anyways

You and your siren crushing

You peek your head out of the water and watch if she happens nearby

She totally fuckin knows

But she also thinks youre cool so its ok

She also thinks you're hot

Cassandra Dimitrescu

She pisses you off so you tried to kill her

There is no smooth start wity Cassandra

Its either questionable or death

No inbetween

And its definitely questionable because after she escaped she came back

For research

And then yall bonded over some violence

And then kiss

Daniela Dimitrescu

She sought you out

Because its daniela what self preservation skills?

You had to sit and answer thirty questions about your species

And then it took a wierd turn to romance

And you didnt grow up on land

So you dont realize she asked you on a date

So when you say no, you dont realize shes interpreting this as you shutting her down

You two are just a mess tbh

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7wanderingpaws · 3 years

Text

He Loves Love (3/3)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: solo singer! AU

Word count: 4K+

Warnings: none! just a playful Baek!

--- Please make sure to read the the notes at the end! ---

Masterlist

tags: @iloveagain @buttercupbbh @wooya1224 @baekberrie (sorry if I left out someone? its been ages since i updated and I didnt know if its okay to tag those who commented on chap. 2 :( didnt want to be rude ><)

1 <<< 2 <<< 3

It was the day of the release. The release of his magazine cover.

The PR went… mad.

“Listen, sweetie, editor, I don't think we will have enough pieces. The damn thing is literally going to be sold out in a matter of hours.”

You received this call before lunch time. Lunch time was very early on in the day. So why was Baekhyun's magazine cover about to be sold out in the entirety of Korea on the same day of the release date?

“Erm, yeah about that. I am an editor, just like you said. You need to call the-”

“I know, I know,” she interrupted but there wasn't an inch of impatience in her voice. “What I am trying to say is - congratulations! You did a great job!”

It took you a moment to realize what she was saying, because she was right. Your participation in this issue was big; after all you took care of the props and settings and you were looking over his pictures during the photoshoot. Out of nowhere, your heartbeat sped up. “Oh, thank you! That's very kind of you, but I still need to improve a lot-”

In that moment, the happy ding! that never failed to make you all trembly and nervous, sounded on your desk.

Waiter: miss editor am I seeing correctly????? wowow ihavenowords

Waiter: did you just make me sell out your magazine?????? ihavenowords

Waiter: did you save yourself at least one piece??? huhuuhuhuuu ihavenowords ><

Waiter: i think someone just made themselves a good name in the mag industry ^^ congratulations!!!

Waiter: does that mean i will get to see you? hmmm maybe to give a congratulatory bouquet of flowers???? 🤭🤭🤭 🌹💐🌺

Biting your lip quickly to suppress the happy grin, you quickly attended to the phone call, chatting a bit more with the PR lady. Honestly, you didn't like to talk to them much as they were all over the place, too demanding and didn’t have a great understanding of a creative mind. Thankfully, you didn't have to deal with them too often.

It hadn't been that long since your last meeting with Baekhyun. His kisses on your cheek and one kiss on your forehead seemed to be still burning on your skin, sometimes making you drag the pad of your index finger over the mentioned places, needing some sort of closure from him that you had yet to receive.

Texting now was a full on habit between you, causing you to become sad, disappointed and even anxious if he wouldn’t reply that soon, worried he changed his mind about you, and his feelings towards you. Because even though you admitted to him that you liked him, he was being still very cautious, still very polite with you, as if there was some sort of invisible line between you two that he was scared to cross, for some reason.

Trying to look at it from his point of view, there were many risks of him wanting a relationship with you, and you couldn't not agree. If anything, you were being thankful for his thoughtfulness and carefulness, for if he messed up even the tiniest bit around you and your secret meetings of a blooming start of a relationship, he would not see the end of the hate, and neither would you. Heck, his career was on the line.

You managed to reply to his playful messages that went on and on, before you would have to dive into another cover magazine plan that you had to start thinking through.

Me: I think I should congratulate YOU! the most wanted man in Korea it seems ;)

Me: these days i have some important meetings… an upcoming cover… im definitely doing overtime today :( when is it good for you? I will try to arrange my schedule with yours

Waiter: ohoh the most wanted man you say? i wonder if the one i want wants me just as much…….???

Waiter: i would like to see you more often before my album drops, you know i will get quite busy and not seeing you for too long doesnt seem to work well with me anymore ><

Waiter: sooo… i will come pick you up from work tonight just shoot me a msg *^

Just as his messages could make your heartbeat go into a crazy overdrive, it seemed he could also make it completely stop. Or so you thought. His flirting and now his proposal to pick you up gave you a huge shock. That would be a first for sure.

Me: sure! have your phone with you Mr Korea

Me: I wonder too if that person wants you as much ;)

You decided not to pay him any more attention after that as much as you were tempted. Your belly was levitating along with your body, feeling high on vitamin Baekhyun. Pressing down the urge to tease him, you put your phone away, your hands slightly trembly from the attention you kept receiving from someone like him.

If your predictions were even close to correct, you wanted to tell him: yes, the one that he wanted, wanted him just as much.

…

You were fast to leave your work that day. Excited butterflies were eating your insides away, and the only way to make them calm down was to finally meet the person who always made their wings flutter.

Baekhyun was already parked in the underground parking lot, his car the only one with the motor on - and the only car of his class. You spotted him sitting in his car in his white jersey shirt, his left elbow propped on the windowsill as his index finger was stuck between his teeth, gnawing at it. When he saw you, he took a double-take and quickly changed his posture which made you giggle.

Baekhyun was following you with his eyes, going even to the length of leaning in over the passenger seat so as not to lose sight of you until he reached over and opened the passenger door for you so you could slide in.

“Why, thank you,” you smiled cheerfully as you sat down. You closed the door and put your bag down in between your legs.

“My pleasure,” he said back with a pleasant smile. “Hand me the bag, I'll put it in the backseat.”

You quickly did as he asked and then reached for your seatbelt.

“How was work today? We should celebrate!” he exclaimed as he put the car into drive and made his way out of the parking lot.

You hummed, gnawing on your lip. “That would be wonderful,” you said but hesitated about offering anything further. It was difficult to read the situation; you wouldn't know what you could afford to do with him and what not; what would be stepping over the line and what wouldn't. But Baekhyun said he liked you. In fact, he even told you to look at him like at any other man. That meant you shouldn't doubt all the possible hang-out ideas you had, right?

“I think it is you who deserves a gift,” you murmured and stole a look at his concentrated face. You reached the outside now, the dark evening slowly changing into night, the light of passing cars illuminating your faces.

“Hmm, I think so, too. Something in lines of - I can pick whatever I want, huh?”

Hiding your smile behind your hand, you nodded. “Yes, I can grant something. But don't make it expensive. Even though you sold out our magazine, it doesn't mean I will get a pay rise right away.”

“Oh, it won't include any monetary value,” he promised and turned to look at you when he stopped at the red light, the line in front of you seemingly going on for at least a mile. “It would be something you can and should be able to do freely.”

Despite the darkness of the car, Baekhyun could still spot that gorgeous, astounding blush colouring your cheeks. He really grew to love it; to make you so flustered you couldn't help but grow all red, just for him. “What do you think?” he asked quietly, still observing you with a small lopsided smile.

First you looked at your connected hands in your lap and then looked up at him through your lashes. “Depends what it is, but I owe you, so…” you trailed off.

He chuckled quietly, causing your heart to skip a beat before he started driving again, the line in front slowly moving. “Wonderful.”

Within forty-five minutes, you found yourself seated in a Korean restaurant, both yours and Baekhyun's shoes left at the entrance. Baekhyun, knowing the owner, asked for a separate room where people usually held business dinners, to ensure you would have full privacy and could enjoy each other.

It was a bit mind-blowing how much he could just do. His authority was admirable but at the same time it reminded you how you could hardly compare. If you would have asked the owner to give you a separate room, you might have had to fight for it or give him some money. Baekhyun seemed to walk in like a prince, confidently talking to people as if it was so natural.

“Can you give me a moment?” he asked suddenly, already standing up. “I forgot something in the car. Choose a meal until then.”

You nodded and saw him shuffling towards the door. Quickly going through the menu, you were thankful it was just an ordinary Korean restaurant that specializes in noodle soups and wasn't pricey. Picking the one that seemed the most special, you put the menu away just in time for Baekhyun to return back. His right hand was behind his back, obviously hiding something.

He had a sheepish smile on his face as he stepped towards you and handed you a beautiful bouquet of colourful flowers, the smell of which instantly hit your nose. You felt your mouth stretch into a wide smile as you stood up to your feet.

“Oh my god, what is this for, Baekhyun?” you asked, looking up into his eyes just to find them sparkling with anticipation.

“I know I never asked you out on an official date, so I might not be dressed up to my best potential, but I really wanted to give you something and today, as I said, I wanted to give you a bouquet. Please, accept it,” he added breathily, watching you with bated breath, nudging the flowers out to you.

You giggled and he smiled right away as you took the bouquet in your hand, careful as to not hold his fingers that were still curled around the stems. “Thank you.”

As you wanted to pull back, he leaned in, grabbing your wrist gently that was holding the flowers, bringing you closer. His lips hovered over your cheek and he eventually pressed them there. “Good job on your first cover,” he murmured and leaned away the slightest to watch your surprised reaction. Your eyes were watching his mouth and he had to restrain himself from going any further. He didn't want to cross the line. Not yet.

Unfortunately, you had to separate when the doors opened and the waiter came in. She was taken aback for the slightest of moments when she noticed you and Baekhyun backing away from each other but both of you recovered quickly and sat down, ready to order.

“This Vietnamese noodle soup is my favourite,” mentioned Baekhyun, looking at you. “So that is your gift to me - eating my favorite food with me.”

…

It was late June, the beginning of the most humid weeks of the year with the monsoon season around the corner.

Baekhyun became so busy with the release of his album back in May, that you rarely got to see him afterwards, although he made sure to see you a couple of times per week even if he was on the verge of falling asleep. Besides meeting, you were always chatting on the phone, him updating you about his daily schedules while you would mostly talk and send pictures about the same old stuff - your office, your computer screen or your late lunch. Or a selfie. You were on that basis now, despite a first kiss never happening.

It made you think sometimes if you were the one who was supposed to make the first move. If you grew eager to finally feel him in that way, then he must have also had some similar feelings, right? You had been dying to kiss him since the first time he said he liked you. And it was late June now.

Late June meant that the music awards show was happening just this particular night. Baekhyun had been texting you eager messages to double-check that you would really be attending like you told him you would.

While you quickly looked yourself over in the mirror in your office - you worked even today, a Saturday - you checked your phone's screen, seeing the previews of his messages.

Waiter: finally our schedules overlap ❤️ Waiter: i cant actually believe it Waiter: huhuhuhu missy are you done with preparing? im curious to see.... Waiter: its just that it would be difficult to do so without it…

Hastily checking your earrings, you read the previews with a large smile. It would be an exciting night.

When you arrived at the event along with your colleagues, you couldn't help feeling clammy from the excitement. The possibility of spotting Baekhyun was making you sick with anticipation. It wasn't even the amount of people attending the event, it was just him; just the idea that he was somewhere there and hopefully he was looking for you just like you were looking for him.

Your colleagues hurried to sit down as the ceremony was about to start. Since you were busy in the office, you ended up leaving the headquarters much later than planned, but there was nothing you could do about it anymore.

The lights dimmed just when you made yourself comfortable, making it too difficult to look around and recognize faces. Deciding to quickly check the messages you didn't have time to look at before, you finally saw what Baekhyun was bombarding you so much about.

Waiter: finally our schedules overlap Waiter: i cant actually believe it Waiter: huhuhuhu missy are you done with preparing? im curious to see how you look so you could send me a selfie and so then i can recognize you at the event hm? without having to stare everywhere and become suspicious Waiter: its just that it would be difficult to do so without it sooooo ????? Waiter: yah!! where did you go?? Waiter: ex...excuse me? ehm ehm!!! Waiter: wow okay… Waiter: Y/N … disappeared... Waiter: i guess you are busy >< im arriving at the venue soon update me so i know where you attttttt okiiii??? ㅎㅅㅎ

You hid your smile behind your hand and quickly typed him a message to update him like he demanded. You couldn't send a selfie anymore because of the silly lights and your superiors being at the same table, you couldn't afford to be on your phone all the time. Hyeri, as much as she was kind, didn't like it when the job was not done properly, so you made sure to pay attention to the performances while you felt your phone vibrate with messages most probably from Baekhyun.

You bit your lip to keep in the smile, your heart fluttering. How was he able to be this… gorgeous even through messages? How was he able to make your heart beat frantically even when he was not around you? Unknowingly, your desire for him grew by tenfold, the sudden urge to meet him almost overtaking your actions, but one strict stare from Hyeri and you stopped squirming in your chair as you realized you did with a horrified look. Wow. You had to do something about this, and it had to be very soon.

To your big misfortune, you never spotted Baekhyun until it was his turn to overtake the stage. As much as you expected something huge, it was anything but that. No props, just a simple mic stand and then, a Baekhyun in a ready-to-go-for-a-date look, plus four dancers and he was able to fill the huge stage to the brim with his presence. That was it. Simple as that.

You inhaled his entire performance, the loud screamings of crazy fans not enough to pull you out of your reverie that consisted of Byun Baekhyun and Byun Baekhyun only. His movements, so sharp yet so smooth, his flirting with the camera, his lip bites, and that crazy happy smile; all of it. He was changing images from lethal sexy, through lazily suggestive, then sweetly gorgeous until becoming cute and ready to pet on the head. Without anything more to add, he had each flavor of a candy to offer and you had never been this addicted to candies in your life.

...

You met him accidentally when you were leaving the toilets that were meant for the VIPs. Closing the door behind you, you felt its cold surface press to your bare back when Baekyun appeared in front of you, freezing momentarily when he recognized you.

He smiled instantly, happy to finally see you, before he let his eyes wander. Finally, he let you know that he was looking. Oh he was. Your dress was revealing on the back, which he had yet to witness, but the front was completely covered, hugging your chest and waist, telling Baekhyun that there was something to look at for sure. The long, wavy skirt that stopped just above the floor was bunched up in your hand, showing sparkly high-heeled shoes that were the cause of the pain in your ankles.

None of you said a word as you took a note of his fancy suit, the simple stage outfit now gone. It was fully black, but once again you couldn't comprehend how broad his shoulders and chest were despite his shirt that was tucked into his pants being black, too.

“Good performance,” you broke the silence finally, meeting his somewhat eager gaze. “I have to admit, I was swooning with the other girls, too.”

That got Baekhyun's attention. His eyebrow rose in question and he stepped closer but not before making sure there were no prying eyes in the small corridor. His body covered yours from anyone, were you to be disturbed. “Oh, were you, really?”

You nodded, your smile teasing. “Yeah.”

He smiled gently, his gaze running over your features that were touched up with make-up. “I'm glad. If I wanted to impress someone, it was you.”

“You did that a long time ago,” you admitted shyly, averting your eyes so he wouldn't catch you shyness.

You heard him letting out a laugh through his nose. “So cute,” he muttered, stepping even closer. “I have to run back but let me drive you home tonight.”

His words made your head snap up though you weren't that much smaller from him anymore thanks to the heels. His words ignited something inside of you. “You came with your car?”

“I asked my friend to bring it over to the venue,” he said. “I am not going back to my company after this. I finally found you here and-” he sighed softly, shaking his head as he looked at you, “I want to spend some time with you. Alone.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, his look making you all itchy and needy. Without much thinking, you found yourself nodding a tad too eagerly which made Baekhyun smile. “Alright,” you whispered, “text me. But I can't leave before my superiors do.”

“Can I just steal you?”

Giggling, you shook your head and suppressed the need to hold his hand. “I'm afraid no. But I will try my best to get out of it quickly.”

His smile was so gentle as he nodded slowly, closing his eyes for a second before stepping even closer, his fingertips running over your clothed forearm in the most feather-like way. “Okay. I'll be waiting for you,” sweetheart.

…

The car came to a complete stop in front of your small apartment building. Audi had quite the silent engine anyway, but now with it being turned off, you felt like silence had a physical form and was growing in on you, making the tension between you and Baekhyun the more difficult to withstand.

Given his silence, you knew that you should say something, and you also knew what you were supposed to do. It was now or never. “Would you maybe… like to come in?”

He glanced over, checking your expression to see if you were serious. He parted his lips but hesitation stole the words away from him. You chuckled when he opened his mouth again and smiled abashedly. “'I’d love to.”

Oh my god, you thought as the both of you made your way towards your apartment. In panic, you tried to quickly think over what state you left your flat in exactly, but it seemed that your mind was clogged up, unable to come up with anything that could possibly explain what was happening in that very moment. Byun Baekhyun, the superstar, was coming inside your apartment. And he seemed to be rather quiet.

Was he overthinking this? Maybe he would realise this was all a mistake and that you weren't good enough for him. Maybe you did something off-putting today?

As you were typing in the code to your house, you felt his strong presence behind you, his gaze on your naked back, and you swore the tension just grew even more when you let him enter your little safety den first. Surely, it was no luxury like he must have been used to by then, given the many years of singing career, but you could only hope it would be enough.

You had been far too gone for him. If he were to dump you, you might end up hurt and heartbroken.

Letting the door close behind you, you wanted to follow him only to see him standing just a couple of steps ahead of you, looking into the apartment but not moving further inside. “You can enter, Baekyhun.”

“You look so beautiful tonight,” he said softly out of nowhere, catching you off guard with his honest words. Letting them sink in, you bit your lip, feeling your heartbeat accelerate again. It wasn't possible to get a heart attack, right?

He was standing in front of you while your back was pressed to the front door you just closed behind you. “Thank you,” you whispered, matching his intimate tone and feeling like you were about to combust. “You look really handsome tonight.” And everyday.

He smiled, which you couldn't see as he still had his back on you. Just then, he turned and with that pleasant expression on his face made those separating two steps towards you until he stood right in front of you, causing you to look up. “Thank you.”

You nodded, feeling the terrible blush creeping up into your cheeks. Actually your entire body was suddenly on a heat wave, feeling the prickles of sweat to form under your dress as he stared at you affectionately. God, you wanted him so much it was really becoming unbearable.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You just asked one,” you replied mischievously, grinning, just to be rewarded with a wide smile from him as he stepped even closer, your heart clenching painfully. Was it the chemistry that was so painful?

“Cheeky,” he whispered, his breath almost hitting your cheek. You kept his eye contact before you nudged him with a go on.

What, do you want to kiss me on the cheek again? you desperately wanted to ask, to tease him. Or would this finally be it? Would he finally just... kiss you?

“May I kiss you, sweetheart. On the lips.” His intonation was far from that of a question. He was so hot, goodness. And your knees were suddenly jelly-like as you couldn’t stop staring into his eyes when you nodded.

He let out a breathy laugh when he almost pressed his body into yours. Almost. “You don’t like to confirm things out loud with me, do you, beauty?”

“Yes, you may kiss me, Baekhyun. Please, just finally kiss me.”

It was almost as if he wouldn't wait for your approval anyway, as he was leaning in before your words even left your mouth, his hands coming to gently rest against the door; caging you in, yet making you feel even more safe. He was carefully watching your features as he pressed his lips to yours, one hand coming to cradle your face gently before he finally captured your upper lip and you melted.

Closing your eyes, you sighed as you let your hands slide up his toned chest and around his neck when he pressed himself into you just a little bit closer, a very much satisfied hum coming out of his throat that sent shock waves down your body. That deadly hum. It could really do anything to you, it was that attractive to you.

You dared to run your fingers through his hair that had gel in it, but still felt so cutely soft under your touch. You played with his pillows, prolonging the gentle sucking as you dragged his lower lip towards you, feeling the wetness of his mouth. He leaned in as you separated for the slightest of moments, tilting his head to the other side, unconsciously making one step closer so you felt him on your chest and the surface of the door on your back.

Smooch after smooch, you soon realized he was a loud kisser that liked the licking sounds and the responses from you as you breathed out softly while his thumb caressed your blushed cheek.

Another loud smooch, and this time he was the one who dragged your lower lip towards him with his teeth, as he bumped his nose with yours, tilting his head to the opposite side again while both of his hands cradled your face with utmost care.

Eventually, he kissed you one last time, ending it with him pressing his forehead to yours, not opening his eyes just yet. You didn’t either, relishing in the lingering feeling of him around your mouth as his warm pants pushed in through your parted lips. Slowly, he nuzzled your nose and you giggled softly which prompted him to open his eyes to meet yours already on him.

“That was better than I could ever imagine,” he whispered and smiled handsomely.

You blushed even more, if that was possible. “Ditto.”

His eyes widened and he leaned away a bit. “Don’t tell me you fantasized about kissing me?”

You shrugged but didn’t meet his eye. “How could I not? I’m a human, aren’t I? And you know I like to be straightforward.”

He smirked, knowingly nodding to himself. “Oh yeah, right. The straightforward business.”

You chuckled. “You’re too good of a kisser.”

“Only the best for you,” he winked and those words made you feel things. Before you could reply, he blurted: “Can I be your boyfriend?”

Smiling widely, you nodded, feeling absolutely elated. This was really happening. “Yes, you can be my boyfriend, Baekhyun.”

He sweeped you in his arms, bringing you in for another kiss. “That means,” he murmured between the kisses, “that I can kiss you just like that. And I can finally call you sweetheart,” he breathed the nickname before opening his mouth and devouring you, showing how passionate of a kisser he could be.

You never doubted him, of course, but in situations like these, reality was always better than your poor imagination, for your brain could never produce the exceptional feeling of having Byun Baekhyun’s lips on yours, feeling the moisture and his playful tongue, his creativity of teasing you with it astonishing. No. Nothing could ever compare.

There was only one Byun Baekhyun and he was a superstar. Off-limits to almost everyone. But not to you. Not anymore.

--- --- --- --- ---

A/N: And that is the end! This is the final part, so with this, I am also saying goodbye to this story that made my heart flutter a wee bit... ^^ Thank you to whomever sent me support via comments/reblogs, dms, I was glad this story could bring something enjoyable to the table! ❤

--- As you know, these 3 chapters were supposed to be about how our characters met and became a couple. So I hope I delivered well! I know I put the M sign in the beginning way back in May, but while plotting, I realized it wasnt suitable for these 3 parts. It would take me more chapters to write to bring it to that point (hint: if you request it as a standalone oneshot later, I am willing to write it but otherwise it would need more relationship building).

I hope this explains it!

Thank you again!

Please let me know what you thought, it would mean a lot and its free!

CuriousCat Ask box is also open! Or comments!💕

#exowritersnet #baekhyun fanfiction #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun canon #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun fic #baekhyun drabble #baekhyun au #baekhyun #byun baekhyun #exo fanfiction #exo au #exo canon #exo imagine #exo fluff #mywritings

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

Note

We need more MIND CONTROL ANGST in this fandom give me Alec hurts Magnus and for a split second Magnus is just shocked with this feeling of "alec... hit me?" And even tho he very quickly realizes something is wrong it just feels so wrong and painful and later when Alec is unwhammied hes so guilty he doesn't want to even touch Magnus but that's what Magnus needs most rn, touch and affection and reassurance and comfort, cue misunderstandings and more angst before the ultimate happy ending :)

again, ur mind........ the talent in this.... *girl in porn voice* it's so big

also this is tagged but just to make sure, trigger warning for mind control, abuse/child abuse mentions, self harm

ok maybe it starts like... they are together and alec has a headache or something as the control kicks in or something and he falls to the ground and magnus runs after him like what happened? and alec's like "something's wrong, magnus, stay away" but magnus is too worried so he doesnt listen and he touches alec and alec hits him

and for a second he thinks it's because he went too far and touched alec without consent and his mind is flashing with asmodeus and his words when he hit him, and memories and for a second he barely knows where he is and what is happening and who is who. and because this is happening slowly alec screams "something is controlling me!" because he knows soon he'll be like possessed completely and he wants to apologize but he knows it's more important to let magnus know what's happening first. and sure enough soon a Demonic Voice overtakes him and his alec is obviously gone

and it's quickly resolved because magnus is 1- smart, and 2- powerful, and clearly the spell whomstever was using on alec was not super strong lmao. maybe someone who was trying to get to magnus for some reason? so like, extra spice because magnus feels guilty - he knows all too well what it's like to be forced to do things you don't want to do, to see yourself as a monster, to have nightmares about being forced to hurt the people you love-

and alec of course is drowning drowning drowning in guilt as well because he hurt magnus, it's the one thing he remembers before losing control, he hurt magnus when he was supposed to protect him, and he knows magnus has history with abuse, and he could clearly see the way that magnus lost himself in a flashback for a second, he triggered him and he became the people he had always sworn he'd never be, that he'd help him forget, and he hurt magnus he hurt magnus he hurt magnus he hurt magnus

and he feels so stupid because he hadn't even realized something was wrong before it was too fucking late, and he had enough control to scream at him, but not to hold himself back? what kind of bullshit is that? he feels like a failure and he blames himself and he wants to scratch his own skin off, make himself bleed because he failed the one person he loved the most, again, and he doesn't deserve magnus if he can't help him

so basically like as soon as magnus manages to undo the spell and they are done Finding The Culprit and Resolving The Plot alec is just like. completely retracted in himself. already scratching his hands in a similar way to what he did when magnus was in the hospital, fists tight and hurting, and usually magnus would notice that, but all he sees is the rage burning within alec, that terrifying anger that he shows sometimes and after alec hurt him... it's scary

and because the person who did this was trying to get to him, he feels like that's his fault, too. he dragged alec into this mess and he was too much again, and he's nothing but a burden to the people he loves and he knows how alec feels like he needs to be in control of things, how if he doesn't he loses his footing, and losing control of his body is the most terrifying experience - magnus would know - and he brought this on alec and didn't even notice when he's the warlock, he should be able to have noticed the spell, he could have stopped this whole thing from happening but he didn't and things could have been so much worse, all because he wasn't paying attention as always, and god, he hurt someone he loved, didn't he? again. he's like an omen, bringing pain and death and hurt to everyone around him, he's cursed-

and alec pretty much leaves immediately with some bullshit excuse about needing something, and magnus tries to call for him, but alec is gone in an instant and ignores magnus. and magnus is just unleashing the spiral he had been keeping at bay and contained while he was figuring out the solution for this, and he just had a horrible flashback moment and the voice of his father is running free around his head, telling him everything about how he's not good enough, not powerful enough, how he'll never have anyone because he's a demon and this is what he was made to, to hurt, and he might try to pretend otherwise but in the end it will always come back to this; so he's in a bad mental state to not realize what he otherwise would immediately - alec is blaming himself, of course he is - and just sees that he's angry and leaves. and then he's alone with his thoughts screaming at him that he keeps bringing pain to the people he loves, that he's useless, evil even, that his father was right, that camille was right

and maybe he knows deep down that alec wouldn't blame him for this but he still can't help but think that eventually alec would grow tired of him and why not now? what does magnus even have to offer him, except for baggage and pain?

and he can't help but think, what if it happens again? what if that was just the first time and soon enough alec will become camille just like he always feared his next lover would? and then he feels guilty for even thinking that, because of course alec wouldn't, and this wasn't his fault, and magnus should be able to get over it instead of spiralling like that and acting like alec had done something wrong when he knows alec got the worst position in that situation

and alec is just shooting arrows all night, letting his hands bleed and hurt and also doing his best to train, because he needs to do better, he needs to be stronger and he can't keep letting this happen because last time it was irreversible. and he's thankful this time wasn't like that but this is unacceptable and god, he hurt magnus

he probably only comes back home the next day and magnus doesn't sleep at all that night because fuck, he fucked up. he didn't notice and he let this happen to alec and then he was a baby about it and mentally compared him to camille and basically blamed alec for all of that and alec didn't even come back home. maybe this time he's done forever, maybe alec's tired of him, maybe this will be the one thing they never manage to overcome, because alec will blame himself and magnus can't pull his shit back together to support him, and god alec will blame himself and god last time this happened magnus had to take him off the ledge, and alec promised he would tell him if things ever got that bad but how could alec even trust him right now, what if he's gone, magnus didn't even check up on him, he was too busy worrying about himself like some fucking asshole

and like he knows alec is alive because he can sense him with magic even if faintly but he still has that moment of panic and maybe alec isn't ok and he doesn't know but what right does magnus have to track him down right now? what good could he even do? it would be overbearing and unfair to go after him, alec obviously doesn't want his company right now

so when alec finally comes home the next day magnus is like "alexander" relieved and worried at the same time and he kind of runs to him but alec stays still so he pauses when he stops, hand even hovering mid-air, clearly hesitant and afraid to touch him and alec thinks, he's scared of me, look at what you did, he can't even trust you enough to touch you. and because alec doesn't touch him either and just seems closed off, magnus thinks, you can't fix this. it's all your fault and he'll never open up to you again. you're done

and then more guilt because he thinks, alec is not camille, he's not withholding touching me as punishment, why can't i stop acting like this is his fault? what's wrong with me? just talk. but he can't because he's terrified and there's so much going on in his head and then he feels worse because he can't just do the right thing and communicate, again, when clearly he should be the one to bring this up and make sure alec knows it wasn't his fault, and apologize for not being there for him

and maybe alec has that moment of "maybe i should just... go" and then magnus tries to stop him like "no, don't, please" because he's scared if this goes on for longer he'll just spiral harder and then he'll lose alec for good. and in the process he touches alec and alec recoils like he's been burned and magnus freezes completely and the sudden movement makes his eyes widen for a second and there's this almost imperceptible flinch and then again the guilt because 1- he touched alec without consent and warranted this reaction; 2- alec doesn't even want to touch him and he could have prevented this; 3- he's acting like alec would just become his abusers again. why the hell did he flinch?

and alec goes "i'm sorry", and magnus almost interrupts in his haste to be like "no, no, no, don't be sorry" almost begging him and that's when it hits alec that magnus has probably been spiralling this whole time too. and he wasn't there for him when magnus obviously needed comfort after such a traumatic experience. fuck he's fucking this up even more

so magnus can see the spiral in alec's eyes and he's like "no, come on, sit down, it's alright" and offers him like tea or something and his hands are shaking a bit because he wants to fix this and they both do really. cue awkward "im sorry" "no im sorry" "no im sorry" "no im-"

anyway they both talk about what they had been thinking and the guilt and the spirals and (in magnus' case) the whole thing about being triggered and not knowing how to deal with that and they clear the air and reassure each other because they are healthy and communicate and we stan that. sometimes just talking about the pain and reassuring each other is enough, you know?

and like alec holds magnus' face tenderly where he had hit him and very slowly leans down to give it a kiss and strokes it a bit and magnus takes alec's hand/fist and gives it a kiss too and slowly heals his knuckles and alec smiles up at him in the way he does and magnus' eyes shine too when he asks "better?" all hopeful like it really matters to him you know

and just alec peppering kisses on magnus' face and magnus kind of nuzzling against his hand and they both get that comfort of touching and knowing that they're still welcomed for each other and they have a Really Long Hug. complete with alec's face buried in magnus' shoulders and magnus clutching him a bit and it's almost smothering for them both but it's what they both need you know. and they whisper to each other "it's ok" and "i love you" and all that nice stuff 👌

anyway this is REALLY LONG so im ending it now im just obsessed with the mental image of alec kissing magnus' face and magnus' kissing his hand bye. also i love this ask ugh we stan mind control angst

#sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec #long post #self harm tw #abuse tw #child abuse tw #mind control tw #angst #mind control angst #ask #anonymous

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meetthemoosemonster · 3 years

Text

*Enderman noises*

Hey yall, I wrote a Ranboo fanfic and thought I’d post the link on here so its with all the other things that I write and show random people on the internet!

*Enderman noises* (1918 words) by nika_write_snow Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF) Characters: Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF) Additional Tags: Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Dadza, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Winged Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Panic Attacks Summary:

Ranboo finds out he has one of Tommys disks, Philza notices the ruined property value and parents the scared enderboy.

"here is the ao3 link, tell me if it doesnt work or something.

Summary:

Ranboo finds out he has one of Tommys disks, Philza notices the ruined property value and parents the scared enderboy.

What I wished happened after Ranboo found the disk, with Dadza because I have Parent Issues (yup, its not just one of them, hahahahahahahahaha)

Characters:

Ranboo

Philza

Content Warnings:

Panic attacks Mild injury That's all I think, but if I missed one please tell me so I can fix it!

Under the cut is the full work, remember, Reblogs fuel the writing braincell!

Purple particles buzzed around Ranboo, his body also vibrating as his breath sped up and his brain grew foggy. This happens sometimes, when things got really bad, and Ranboos memory really started to slip, or he was just straight up panicking. The half enderman boy was sat shaking in front of an open chest surrounded by dug up dirt and soft looking snowflakes that bit at Ranboos skin. He was staring blankly at the green disk in the chest, making vwoops and crackly noises each time the reality of his situation hit him. The enderman hybrid shook his head, making more aggressive enderman noises for a second, then tried to take a deep breath.

‘You're ok, You're ok. Dream isn't here right now. Dream can’t-’

‘I have cat. I have one of Tommys discs. I have one of THE DISCS. Dream gave ME one of THE DISCS? Why? Why would Dream do that? Why would he trust me with something that gave him so much control over Tommy? What did I do?’

‘You didn't do anything, you would have written it down in your memory book, you would’ve, wouldn't you?’

‘Would I? I didn't write down that I blew up the community house, but I definitely did that, right? I mean, I had that tnt, it must have been me. I just didn't write it down cause I didn't want to remember. What else am I forgetting? What else did I do that was so bad that I didn't even write it down? What else did I want to forget about? What else-’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Philza was looking through chests looking for glass. The honey farm had broken again, and he needed bottles to fix it.

“This chest system is still scuffed from Tommy, that gremlin child really doesn't know organization does he.” Phil shook his wings in exasperation. He was still looking for the glass when he heard the sounds of an upset enderman. Confused why Edward was so riled up, Phil looked over at the enderman sat awkwardly in a boat, the mobs limbs too long to fit inside. Phil only got more concerned when he saw that Edward was only making small, concerned vwoops after the more aggressive noises, head was turned to look out the window towards Ranboos shack.

Phil followed the endermans gaze to look at Ranboos shack through the window and sucked in a breath. What used to be a snowy lawn in front of Ranboos makeshift base was now a big hole of messily dug up dirt. Phil could see Ranboos figure, looking eerily small for his actual towering height, hunched over in front of a small chest, a shovel shimmering on the ground next to him. But what concerned Phil the most were the enderman noises coming from the area. Phil had heard Ranboo make some enderman noises before when he talked to Edward, and a couple in passing to himself, he'd never seen such loud scared crackles and vibrating noises from him before. Another small worried vwoop from Edward grounded Phil enough to realize that this kid probably needed help. Phil grabbed his coat and wrapped it awkwardly around his wings before he rushed out the door and headed to where Ranboo was.

As Phil approached, he could clearly see the cloud of purple particles around Ranboo, who appeared to be shaking, no, vibrating. His suit was wet from the melted snow, and plastered to his body, and Phil flinched remembering how much water could hurt enderman. His hair was also soaking, the white and black strands dripping. There was an indent where his crown would usually be, but Phil could see the red and green jewel encrusted golden band a couple blocks away, in one of the deeper areas of the damage. Phils footsteps slowed the closer he got to the dug up lawn, trying not to scare the kid with heavy footsteps on snow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ranboo was trying to breath. ‘In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in- Does it even matter?’ He understood better now why he might have wanted to forget. It would be easier to not remember the chest or its contents, ‘Traitor’, Dreams voice in his head, his panic room. But the thought of forgetting and then finding out what he'd done when his friends, ‘Are they my friends?’, found out what he had done filled his body with terror and caused his eyes to well up with tears. It felt familiar. ‘Why does it feel familiar?’ The air around Ranboo felt like it was vibrating with the enderman hybrid and the particles that circled around him, and the glitchy noises started getting louder.

‘Stop thinking, stop, STOP, STOP THINKING.’ Ranboo let out the enderman equivalent of a scream, and then winced as he felt tears fall down the sides of his face, leaving burning trails of pain.

“Hey, Mate, you okay?” Ranboo jolted at Phils soft voice, a small surprised vwoop coming out.

“Oh, Oh, um, yeah” Ranboo said quickly, hastily trying to close the chest in front of him, but accidentally slamming the lid on his thumb as his shaky hands fumbled with it. “Im fine, I was just uh…..” He trailed off, not having a good explanation for the mess that he made other than the truth. And he couldn't tell Phil that. ‘But you can! You should, so you stop betraying everyone.’

“Mhm…” Phil hummed skeptically as he looked at the chaos, but decided not to press. He looked back at Ranboo, who was shakily trying to stand up, but then had to sit back down, his body too exhausted and painful. Ranboo looked up for a second, locking eyes with the winged man standing cautiously in front of him. He realized his mistake too late, and was too exhausted to stop the instinctual reaction. He felt his jaw fall and the air begin to buzz intensely all over again. He felt defensive beyond reason, like he always did when he lost control while making eye contact. Luckily, Phil noticed Ranboo tense up and saw his jaw fall, showing off purple glowing teeth like spikes and looked down, breaking eye contact. His gaze found the black and white mask Ranboo usually had covering his mouth was on the ground next to them, soaked and abandoned.

“How about you come into Technos house with me so we can get you dried up, Ok?” Phil was still looking at the ground, and couldn't see if Ranboo was calmer now, but he felt the buzzing particles in the air fade significantly at his quiet words. Phil dared to glance back at the soaking white and black kid, and relaxed when he saw Ranboo was also looking down, more out of exhaustion than anything, but definitely more calm now. His jaw was back where it usually was, and he was no longer vibrating intensely.

“Ok, here, let me pick up your crown and mask, and then we can head back to the house.” When he had put the 2 items away he held out his hand to Ranboo who took it carefully, almost as if he was afraid it would be snatched back. But it wasn't, and Phil helped Ranboo stand up, and started to lead the boy through the snow, leaving the chest behind them. Ranboo leaned against the significantly shorter man next to him, stumbling through the snow, his brain foggy from the pain and fear. Philza felt him shaking slightly, and nearly pulled away, worried that the enderman hybrid was panicking again. Almost immediately he realized that Ranboo was just shivering from the cold, being in a soaking wet suit surrounded by snow was going to make nearly anyone freezing cold, Enderman hybrids being no exception. Phil freed one of his wings from his coat and wrapped it around the kid to warm him up, not caring that he would have to deal with wet feathers later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they reached the house Phil got Ranboo a spare bed, which the boy flopped gratefully down on. Phil chuckled quietly for a second before grabbing a set of antarctic empire style clothes and placing them on the bed.

“Don’t go to sleep yet mate, you need to change out of those wet clothes so you don't hurt yourself anymore.” Ranboo slowly nodded as he sat back up and ran his shivering hands over the soft material of the clothes. Phil started towards the stairs, then looked back for a second.

“I'll be right back with something warm for you to drink so you can warm up quicker, and a health pot or 2 so we can take care of the water damage. Once you're done with that you can sleep, Ok?” Ranboo mumbled something that Phil took as an agreement, and headed the stairs.

Ranboo changed into the fuzzy clothes as quick as his shivering, tired body would let him, too tired to question why the clothes fit him perfectly despite the fact that he towered over Phil, Techno, and Tommy too. He sat back down before his legs could give out again and sighed, feeling himself getting warmer.

His eyes were beginning to fall closed when he heard Phils foot footsteps and looked over to Philza, who was holding a steaming mug in one hand, and a health potion in the other. He also had a towel draped over his arm. Phil handed the enderman hybrid the health potion first, which he drank quickly, and then the towel. Ranboo just wrapped it around his head, too tired to put anymore effort into drying his hair. The bed shifted slightly as Phil sat down on the bed, maneuvering his wings around so he could give Ranboo space. Ranboo took the mug of what he could now tell was hot chocolate and began to take small, experimental sips.

After a bit he pulled his knees up to his chest and leaned against Phils body, still taking small sips of his drink. Phil smiled at the boy and slowly wrapped his wings around them both, hoping it would help warm up Ranboo faster. When the enderman hybrid was done with his drink he closed his eyes and let his head rest on Phils shoulder, letting out a small sigh before he fell asleep. Phil didn't move for a bit, only moving his hand to carefully take the mug out of the others hand, and he settled down for a while, just thinking about the day's whole ordeal. Questions filled his brain. ‘Why did Ranboo dig up all that area so messily? What was even in that chest, and why was he so obviously scared of me seeing it? Why was he so scared?’ Phil tried his best to just brush them off, he would ask Ranboo another day, when he was more calm, and feeling better.

Some time had passed by now, and Philzas wings were beginning to cramp, so he gently laid the boy down on the bed, and carefully threw a thick blanket over him. Ranboo looked very peaceful in this moment, small vwoops coming out occasionally, but he didn't sound distressed. Phil smiled for a second before he grabbed the pile of wet clothes and took them upstairs to get washed and dried with the mask. Ranboo felt safe and warm for the first time in a long time, and he was content, dreaming about defeating a dragon with a steak or something, snuggled under the warm blanket. Who knows, dreams are weird.

Thank you for reading! If you got to this point I wish you the most amazing day, thank you!

#dreamsmp #dsmp #dsmp fanfic #ranboo #philza #ranboo fanfic #philza fanfiction #my writing #*Enderman noises*#fanfiction #dream smp fanfiction #nika writes now #PLS REBLOG!#IT SUPPORTS ME MORE THAN LIKES DO!

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brewing-mischief · 4 years

Text

You know I'd really like to read a deh fanfiction where Connor and Evan run into each other really hard, get knocked unconscious by the force and then wake up in the hospital in each other's bodies.

The doctor's say they both have amnesia since they're all "who are you people" to their 'families' and cant seem to remember their names.

"What's your name"

"Evan...Hansen?

"Evan is fine, he came in with you and is talking to a doctor right now. What is YOUR name?"

"Ummm....?????"

The boys figure out they switched bodies but dont say anything to avoid looking more crazy to their families. I think itd be cool to read about how both of them get a little taste of what they need.

Connor gets to go to therapy (Dr.S is assuming that the amnesia is the reason Evan has gained a different personality. Thinking that since he has forgotten his trama his brain has built a new personality off of different core memories creating an Evan that is less full of anxiety? Idk I'm not a psychologist. Im thinking later Connor would slip up revelling to much of his actual life which leads Dr.S to believe that Evan has DID and that Connor is a new personality formed from the incident. He would think Connor's memories are actually a creation of a world Evan would have liked. His parents still being together-even though he knows it wouldn't work out in the long run which caused the 'dream' to go dark. Connor is like "I have no idea what you're talking about but if your chill with dealing with me I'm good" Dr.S continues to treat Connor as though 'Evan's fantasy' AKA Connor's real life is reality because he believes that this 'fantasy' is holding Evan dormant.) <- [This of course is just DR.S's psychological interpretation. Realty is that its just a bodyswap. However if you like that theory of Connor actually being a personality of Evan go right ahead a write that. I'm not stopping you]

Connor also gets to eat normal food like Pizza and tacos and anything that isnt some weird Vegan fat-free mess Cynthia makes

Connor gets he's space. Hes not constantly beaten down on by his parents for every step he takes. Heidi is incredibly chill. She's very worried about his well being but shes not invasive like his parents are who just want to tear him down. She continues to reiterate that she loves and supports him which allows Connor to slowly drop his walls.

With these supports in place Connor slowly begins to stop smoking/cutting (I have a feeling he may have also stopped at the begining because he respects the fact that this isnt his body and doesnt want to damage it but it is HARD) however most of his needs to cut/smoke are in his head. Which is awful because addiction is hard to quit. But he doesnt have to deal with physical withdrawal symptoms. (Headaches, nausea ect.) Which helps

Connor also stands up to Jared real quick so Jared learns to get his priorities straight or he finds himself left behind

Evan on the other hand has a whole family unit. He finally gets attention 24/7 which is great. Larry is a little harsh with him because hes Connor but it's less than usually since 'Connor' has no idea what hes talking about and doesnt give him a fight anymore. Cynthia is constantly hovering over him with scrapbooks to jog his memory. Zoe just tries to keep her distance but shes always in the background just staring at him trying to figure him out. The whole family is serriously just thrown off about how nice/figitty 'Connor' is. He's tripping over his words and apologizing as much as he breathes.

Evan does go through Connor's physical withdrawal because Evan is not about smoking. He suffers. The first day he keeps craving something but doesnt know what. He tells Cybthia who tries to help him match/satisfy it but nothing works. The next couple of dayd hes serriously sick/agitated. That's when Larry realised 'Connor' is going through withdrawls and is like "oh wow. Ok" and he starts being nicer. He is still somewhat stuck in the "what does it matter, Connor is going to go back to normal soon enough and it wont matter what he does right now" but Evan is being the perfect son so he cant really stay angry. He actually begins to bond with him again.

Evan just gets attention. He gets to sit down and have dinner and talk with people. He gets that family support hes been craving. He doesnt have to worry about being a financial burden because the Murphys are loaded

Evan would probably try to get close to Zoe but she pushes him away like nobody's business. Eventually she would cave and mabye do his nails or something but something about it feels off. Connor likes doing his nails and rn 'Connor ' seems to be very against the idea because "nail polish is for girls, what if people see it and think I'm a freak ect." So now shes even more suspicious about this whole amnesia thing. It wouldn't change her brother this much, would it?

Idk how Evan would think about everyone at school. Because they see him, they notice his existence but it's mostly out of fear and hatred. I feel like that would leave him a little bit panicked.

Anyway, after a week or two Connor goes over to his house to visit Evan and see how everything is being managed. Zoe sneaks a peek on them and notices something. Shes met Evan once or twice before so she didnt really make the connection until now when she can see them both. But 'Connor' is behaving like Evan, and 'Evan' is acting like Connor. Something is definitely off. She confronts them and without much of an argument to steer her off course they eventually give in and tell her what has been going on. She joins their team of figuring out what happened, how to go back and later in the story where the climax drama happens IF they should go back.

The IF drama is basically both parties know they have to go back but also dont want to....

It's just, Connor likes the freedom and trust Heidi gives him. He misses his sister but he also whitnessed his parents loving Evan more than they ever did to him. And that makes him furious because that means he was/will never be good enough for them. He takes this out on Evan since he knows Evan likes his family. He feels like Evan stole them from him even though he knows that's not true.

Evan wants his mom back. When he goes to visit 'Evan' hes a complete stranger to her and that hurts like hell. Plus He doesnt like being hated at school and furthermore he needs his therapy again. But the Murphy family is just so perfect. He has a father figure and a Mom whose always around and Zoe (who has become less of a crush through the experience and more a friend) and he doesnt have to listen to Jared being mean to him/claim they only hang out for car insurance. He has a strong support unit here and hes become more confident from the love they feed him.

So it's just this complicated mess of emotions.

I dont know how it would wrap up since they both have to go back but I think itd be really great to see these boys get better because their circumstances/situations switch. After all Tragedy is only a tragedy becuase the hero is in the wrong story. (I think I read that in a post talking about how Macbeth and Hamelt would have ended happily if only the two main characters were in each others stories since Macbeth would have killed the uncle real quick well Hamelt would have stopped to think instead of jumping in feet first. They made a good point and I want to apply that theory to this story)

Anyway those are my thoughts. Tag me if you write it

#deh #dear evan hansen #connor murphy #evan hansen #zoey murphy #tragedy #body swap #therapy #give them therapy #give them love #my writing #improve their circumstances #change #analysis #heidi hansen #heidi hansen is mom #Cynthia tries #Larry has to work out his own issues

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remindmetohaveherdrugtested · 4 years

Text

Once upon a time

Title: Once upon a time

Prompt: Everything seems to be going perfecrly so why do you feel the need to self harm after being 'clean' for so long? A reader insert where the reader is struggling with self harm again and Morgan helps.

Author: remindmetohaveherdrugtested

Tags: #reader insert #Derek Morgan #Comfort

Trigger warnings: #self harm #blood mention #murder/kidnap #mild swearing

Sat in the back of the SUV, you rest your head against the cool glass of the window and stare into the small gap between Derek's headrest and the cars' frame. Your eyes focused on the steering wheel, held steadily in place by his hands, before flicking back to the oncoming traffic.

Your mind wasn't really there. It was flicking between a million and one thoughts that were barely forming before the next one took over. You should be happy. You had exactly what you wanted from life; a happy little family, a job that you loved, a beautiful house and friends that you could count on. So why were you feeling so numb? Once upon a time that was all you dreamed about.

"Are we almost there?" A sleepy voice from the front broke you from your thoughts and you moved your head.

"About 10 minutes" Dereks steady voice answered, not taking his eyes off the road. "I wouldn't go back to sleep if I were you".

You watched him glance quickly at Spence beside him who looked like he was about to fall back asleep at any moment. It was 2am and the case was quite urgent according to Hotch and Garcia. Derek had swung by to pick you and Reid up as neither of you drove and the rest of the team wouldnt be long.

It wasnt long until the SUV was pulled up beside the rest of the team who were just starting to grab their go bags from another SUV to board the jet. Quickly stretching, you hopped out of the car and went to the boot to pull out your black bag and sling it across your shoulders. "We good to go? I need to get some serious sleep before we land" You asked, forcing a tiny smile at the rest of them. You barely waited for Hotch to nod before you were walking up the steps to the door and entering the cabin.

Immediately you slung your bag into the overhead bin and then settled yourself onto the sofa out of the way, watching as the rest of the team joined you. Each member put their bags away before settling down in a chair. It wasnt long until the jet was airborne but you knew you wouldnt land for a couple of hours and it would be a half an hour drive to the hotel.

"I'll let you all get some sleep shortly. We're headed to Texas" You knew that already from the call that Garcia had made earlier. "We think we have a cold case re-emerging. 10 years ago 2 brown haired, blue eyed and low risk women went missing. 5 years later their bodies were found having only died recently. 5 days later 2 more victims went missing and their bodies have just shown up. If the unsub sticks to their schedule the next two victims will go missing in 5 days and we will loose the trail again. The victims both looked to be kept in relatively good condition, cause of death was a single stab wound through the heart. Crime scence photos are on your tablets to have a look at and then you should try to get some rest" Hotch finished.

-------------------------------------------------------

It was 7pm and Hotch had sent everyone back to the hotel for the night. You stood in the onsuite bathroom and stripped quickly to shower. As you got out you caught a glimpse of your arms in the mirror. Thin silvery lines marred them and although the last time you had cut yourself deliberately was years ago the lines had not fully faded yet. Your fingers traced them slowly. You weren't proud of it and no one else on the team knew about that part of your life. The familiar urge took hold of your chest. It was a deep and sinking feeling. Like you couldnt breathe. You knew that harming yourself would get rid of the feeling. It would allow you to feel anything other than the numbness that had taken over recently. Usually you were able to push away the urges, breathe through them and distract yourself but today was just different. You were tired of pushing them away and you just wanted it to go away.

Almost in a trance your fingers had found a razor and was removing the blades from it. It was like you were watching someone else draw on your skin. Watching blood trickling down your arms, as if it were rain on the windows. The pain was fresh. It felt good to be able to feel anything other than that pressing feeling on your chest and numbness.

The second the razor touched the side new feelings rushed through you. Guilt. Panic. Anger. How could you give in after so many years of being clean? How would you hide this? Why did you even feel this way when every part of your life was, by definition, perfect.

"Shit. Shit. Shit"

You spun around and shoved your arm into the shower, wincing as the running water touched the fresh wounds and watching as it took away the blood.

Pulling the towel back around you quickly, you walked quickly back into the room and rumaged in your bag to pull out some bandages you kept in there for minor injuries in the field. As you pulled the bandages out there was a loud thud as your bag fell to the floor onto your foot and you swore loudly but didn't pick it up.

With experienced hands you started bandaging your arm up. You'd banaged injuries up all the time in the field but this being from yourself made you feel a wave of guilt again.

The silence in the room was broken by a few raps on the door.

"Uh yeah?" You called trying to quickly pin the bandage in place.

"You alright? I heard some thuds and swearing" Dereks deep voice came through the door.

"Oh, uh ,yeah. Just dropped my go bag on my foot" You tried to laugh it off but something in your voice must've given you away because a moment later the door cracked open.

"Are you sure Y/N?" Dereks voice was clearer with the door cracked.

"Yeah yeah, it'll just a little bruise" You said, rushing to pull the towel around yourself so that he didnt see everything. You closed your eyes and sighed as you realised you had answered too quickly and your voice had cracked.

The door opened slowly before softly shutting. "Whats wrong? You've seemed a bit off all day. Did something else happen?" He paused, his eyes glancing over you and resting on your bandaged arm which was trying to help keep your towel in place. "Y/N?" His voice trailed off and he walked quickly over to you "What happened?"

"I happened" You muttered, turning away and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You happened? What did you do?" Derek half laughed, clearly expecting you to have fallen or walked into something. His eyes narrowed as you didn't reply. "Y/N?"

You felt the slow burning prickle behind your eyes and felt a tear roll down your cheek. "Nothing" You snapped and turned. "I-uh-Sorry, Im just tired and was a bit clumsy"

You felt a soft hand touch your shoulder. "Doesn't seem like nothing. Why don't you get dressed and we'll talk about it?"

Your hand clenched around the towel as you became painfully aware that you were still naked with nothing but a towel around you. You nodded but said nothing as you got up and grabbed the pyjamas that were at the foot of the bed and walked quickly into the bathroom. Your eyes caught site of the bloody blade lying in the sink and you fought a wave of sickness that arose from it. Quickly pulling on your pyjamas, you turned the tap on to wash the blood away and the dropped the blade out of sight. You didn't need more temptation.

Re-emerging from the bathroom you saw Derek had moved your bag onto the chair and had perched himself on the end of the bed. You walked around him and on the side of the bed.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" Derek slowly turned around to look at you although you determinedly avoided his gaze.

"Lapse of judgement" You muttered. It wasnt a lie but it wasn't the most straightforward answer. It didn't deter Derek.

"You can talk to me you know. I won't tell anyone and I might be able to help."

You laughed. It was cold and seemed hollow even to you. "If I knew do you think Id be in this mess."

The bed moved and you looked up as Derek sat beside you and slowly wrapped his arms around you. It seemed to break some dam inside you that you had been holding back since he had knocked on your door and tears began to stream down your face.

"I didn't mean to" You whispered. "I haven't in so many years. I was doing well but I just lost my focus. It wont happen again. Please don't tell the others"

Derek pulled you in closer and you turned to press your face into his chest. His heartbeat was comforting. "If you don't want me to tell anyone then I won't" He said simply.

"Im just so numb and it just happened and I just wanted to feel something again. I don't know why because everything is perfect so I dont have a reason to feel like this and why should I have any reason to do that" You rambled coming to a halt with a look of disgust on your face.

"These things happen. It can happen to anyone" Derek soothed. "This line of work is tough, even on the strongest of us. And these feelings can hit anyone. Even those who think everything they have is perfect. Theyre normal"

More sobs racked you body, getting stronger and stronger. It was like you lost all control. "Please" you sobbed. "I just want to feel something. Help me feel something"

Derek pulled you up the bed and pulled you into his chest. "You had a slip. Everyone has relapses. It doesnt mean anything. You'll get through this. I'll be there for you. Always"

You had no more words to say, what else was there to say? Instead you buried your face in his chest and continued to sob until you felt tiredness overcome you and let it take you off into nothingness.

When you woke up, Derek was gone. At the bottom of the bed you saw a pile of fresh bandages, a small tube of antiseptic cream and a note. Picking up the note, you quickly read through it.

"Baby girl,

Once upon a time is the start of a story. You have to keep fighting to see the end."

#tw #self harm #comfort #criminal minds #derek morgan #reader insert #drabble request

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fxckbritts · 3 years

Text

Black Widow || Quitt

TAGGING: Quinn Fabray & Brittany Pierce

WHEN: March 29th

WHERE: Quinn’s dorm room

GENERAL NOTES: Post mass text talking.

WARNINGS: None

Brittany: It had taken a lot of asking around and even more threatening to break wrists to finally work out exactly where Quinn's dorm room was. All of this could be a lot easier if the girl could answer a damn text message, but Brittany couldn't hold that against her. She assumed the last thing Quinn wanted to do right now was look at her phone. This whole situation was just so fucked up, and Santana was right. Brittany had to at least get over herself and check to see if she was okay. Though she wasn't a talker and she certainly didn't usually feel empathy towards anyone - she did feel bad. Hell really did freeze over sometimes.

"Quinn.... Quinn, it's me. Open the damn door," Brittany knocked on the door, testing to no avail if the door was unlocked. Of course it wasn't. "I'll break it down.... Quinn?"

Quinn: Quinn wanted to die. Not really- but she really did want to live in this dorm for the rest of her life, or at least until her shame was gone. Maybe she'd become like Emily Dickinson, only taking visitors through the door so she never had to look someone in the eye again. Although, she might have to move home to do that, and she really would rather die than tell her parents she was gay. Sorta gay? She had no label for it.

Of course Brittany was at the door. She groaned and sat up, wrapping her comforter around her like it might hide her shame. Or shield her from prying eyes. "Just... go away." She grumbled, opening the door. She was kind of curious to see if this had effected Britt as much. "I'm not in the mood for more.. sex after it ruined my life."

Brittany: Brittany let out a low sigh. Quinn wasn’t really being too far fetched for assuming she was there for something like that. After all, the pair of them hadn’t actually had much of any conversation between them that didn’t involve them fucking.

“That’s not-“ Brittany started before letting out a long breath from her nose and resting both her palms against either side of the doorframe. “I just wanted to..... talk. See if you’re-...” she broke off and glanced down the hallway to see if there were any prying eyes. “Look, just let me in... Please?”

Quinn: Was she in an alternate universe? Brittany was seriously trying to be nice.. or something? She could follow Brittanys eyeline, and she also felt quite exposed out here. Too many people could see- and the last thing she wanted was more rumors. Reluctantly, she stepped back a little, opening the door enough for Brittany to step in.

"Fine. Come in, but its only talking." She said, pursing her lips a little, and resisting the urge to actually become one with her blanket. "I don't even see what there is to talk about- my life is over."

Brittany: Brittany was thankful that Quinn allowed her to actually go inside and she jumped at the chance, quickly slipping inside so they could shut the door behind the both of them. She turned around on her heel and gave the other girl a quick once over. Brittany's eyes softened a little at the sight of Quinn bundled up as though the comforter was bubblewrap that was going to protect her from whatever was the other side of her apartment walls.

Brittany let a slow breath out through her nose and her lips curled into a small smile. "Your life isn't exactly over. That's... A little dramatic isn't it?" She stepped forward and attempted to unfurl Quinn's cocoon. "I don't even think most people believe anything my cousin says, anyway."

She took a step back, dropping the whole coy act for a somewhat softer and more serious approach. "I'm.. Sorry. I didn't mean for any of.... This crap,"

Quinn: Quinn reluctantly let Brittany loosen the blanket around her- she was feeling a little less like a pariah with someone in the room. "Its a rumor- about me. People don't care if its true or not. Sam might still even have the photo of it." She sighed, "I didn't want people to know.. like ever. I wasn't even going to act on it, ever either."

Was it terrible to admit that Brittany was a mistake? She certainly felt bad about it. Underneath all the.. skank, Quinn did feel appreciated by Brittany. Those moments mattered. "Its fine, it's Sam's fault, really. I shouldn't have told him that it was me in that picture. At least its not as big of a deal if you're gay." She thought on her statement for a moment, deflating a little, "Sorry. Its.. not easy no matter who has to go through it."

Brittany: Brittany's eyebrows flinched into a burrow at the mention of a photo. She didn't want to know how, what or even why her cousin had a photo. With that little piece of information, it did seem like him rambling like an idiot over texts was perhaps best case scenario when it came to him fucking everything up for someone.. Again.

"Nah people know.. About me." Brittany raised her hand to brush it off before stepping back to sit on the side of Quinn's bed, her hands tangled at the fingers between her knees. Brittany had just assumed through the whole thing that Quinn had been straight - and that was the fun part for her. Having a few wild nights with a straight girl and have it left at that. The idea that it was something Quinn didn't intent to act upon led her to believe that this had been more than that. More complicated.

"Look I-..." She started before exhaling through her nose, "I haven't really had anyone to care about that kinda shit with me so I can't relate to how this feels... Or whatever," She shrugged, looking up from her hands to access Quinn's face. Even visibly upset, she was beautiful. "But know I'm in your corner. Even if you don't want me to be," She added with a small smirk.

Quinn: Green eyes watched cautiously- Brittany wasn't exactly the most open, or the kind of person Quinn would pick as a friend/confidant, but it was oddly comforting to have her here.

"It just.. feels shit. I never want to leave this room- I don't even know how many people know. None of it is in my control." This was suddenly a lot more real than their semi-drunken moments in that Miami room, and Quinn found herself almost leaning into it. She wanted Brittany touch and comfort- and that was giving her a headache. Didn't she have enough to deal with as is? "But..Thanks. I appreciate- It's really nice of you to be here. No one else has been by to just support me."

Brittany: ”No ones saying much so I can’t tell you who knows... I think they assume I’m gonna beat ‘em up,” Brittany half shrugged with a coy smile.

She was a little surprised to hear that no one else had attempted to see her. From what she had seen, Quinn was smart, well liked and looked the way she did - not to mention the praises Puck had sung for her. The kind of person that people should be wanting to check up on.

“You know you can’t haul up in here forever,” Brittany insisted, wanting to get up to pull the comforter off Quinn the rest of the way. Would she want a hug? Would she want something else? Brittany had never really comforted anyone before, unless that comfort was fucking to forget. “And you have a nice smile. It would be a shame.. not to see that again,”

Quinn: This was weird, talking with Brittany. She almost missed the physical contact instead- so she shuffed imperceptibly closer, dropping her blanket hood completely to rest her head on Brittany's shoulder. "Will you beat them up?"

Its terrible- but it would make her feel better. She has no idea how shes going to deal with the whispers, let alone if people actually talk to her. "I want to." She pouts- but Brittany is right. Sooner or later shes going to have to face the texts piling up on her phone.

"You like my smile?" She asks weakly. Shes a pretty girl- and she knows that. Shes just not used to actual compliments, and the things her parents used to say about her appearance play in her head from time to time. Its humbling. "Maybe I'll just camp out for a few more days- it doesnt hurt to let the worst of it blow over, right?"

Brittany: "If you say the word, I'll beat anyone up," the corner of Brittany's mouth curled up into a small smile when Quinn's head fell onto her shoulder and after just a beat, she attempted to move the blanket from Quinn's shoulders to snake an arm around her.

"A few days would be fine, but any more than that.. People will start thinking I killed you like a black widow. Dragging you into my web and sucking the life out of you. The way rumors go in this hell hole of a college, it sound about the right tone," Brittany mumbled with a grimace. With the things people had said about her after the scholarship students enrolled, she knew it would only be a matter of time before the student body found some new juicy gossip to latch onto and forget all about this mess.

"Mhm, I do," she admitted, pulling back from the embrace just enough to use her hand to tilt Quinn's chin up to fully see her face. With her thumb, she traced the outline of her lower lip, the rather pleasant memories of Miami flooding her mind. "You're wonderful, so fuck anyone who will make you feel anything less, okay?"

Quinn: Okay, this was really nice having someone fully and truly in her corner. She knew that Britt wasn't doing this because of any reason but she wanted to be here. "You don't want to sound like the badass that literally ate one of the most popular girls here?"

With the arm around her, and those blue eyes staring at her, and the thumb tracing her lip, how could Quinn say anything but a whispered, "Kiss me, please." Bringing her own hand up to meet at Brittany's jaw, "Or hold me. Just... make me feel good like before?"

Brittany: "I'm already the badass that ate out one of the most popular girls at McKinley, but I don't think they wanna know the details," Brittany couldn't help the smug smile and raise of her brow. Maybe one day soon they would be at the place where they could look back at all of this and find it amusing, but it was a matter of time. Or even if that never happened - Brittany would be okay with that. With the history with everyone in her life, she had no expectations.

Her eyes softened at Quinn's plea, leaning into the warm palm on her face. This wasn't a drunken mess or a egotistical conquest and Brittany didn't hesitate for a second before replying "I can do that," Bringing their lips together, the blanket fell from Quinn entirely as Brittany maneuvered her over to the bed. She wouldn't be able to do or say anything to make things outside of the dorm room better, but this she could do. Even if it was just for a little while.

#para #001 #quinn!para

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dinokeis · 4 years

Text

self ship with tsukki things

putting this under a read more bc it’s actually really long and i go off on a tangent quite a lot

also i know this is really unrealistic but let a girl live out her dreams :”-)

how we met + first impressions:

so im an exchange student at tsukki’s university

lets just assume i can already speak pretty fluent japanese OK

we met through common friends

like we were planning a surprise birthday party for said friend and we both had to communicate with each other to plan it and all

tsukki hates parties but he felt bad if he didnt help out at least since this friend was his roommate after all and his roommate did help him cover some chores occasionally

so during the actual day of the party we “officially” met and tsukki was being all snarky and his usual salty self and i was like “ok who is this tree and why is he so salty” but i just brushed it off bc i aint got the time to deal with it

THEN HE PROBABLY SAYS SOME SNARKY REMARK TOWARDS ME LIKE i was trying to put up the birthday banner or something and make sure it’s aligned but im short so the struggleTM is real and tsukki sees it and hes like “wow even on a chair you still need to tiptoe”

and im like “??????? at least i dont get hit in the face by door frames” yes i know im lame i cant think of a comeback nOW

and in tsukki’s head hes like “OH?” bc people usually dont sass him back and hes just so amazed and that i dont look japanese but i speak fluent japanese ???

so he got curious and just snooped around and found out that im actually an exchange student and then he kinda gets interested in me bc i make pretty good snarky remarks and we both have the same vibes and all issa same tired of your shit energy

also when i got a proper look at tsukki i was like “the tall guy in the glasses is hella cute” AND I LOVE HIS SALTY REMARKS TOO

i took the first step and like contacted him and befriended him and we both found out more about each other and got closer

how we got together + dates:

ok so im stupid and i actually cant tell when someone likes me you have to actually spell it out for me

tsukki and i spent a lot of time together like just the both of us and we both studied together and ate together whenever we had the time

tsukki is smart and he wants to keep his grades up and im just trying my best to even pass i am so bad at studies but we’re both in different majors so we just study together and make sure that we dont get distracted and lazy (me especially)

i drag him to school events he didnt plan on going initially

so like we had a lot of “dates” to cafes, libraries, me just crashing at his dorm room

i go support him at his volleyball matches and he does the same for me at my table tennis matches

somewhere along the way i get confused with my feelings and all like do i like like him or am i just being nice ???? what if he doesnt like me back ??? what do i do ???? but i dont tell anyone about it and i mainly keep it to myself

and tsukki realises that he likes me but he doesnt act on those feelings bc i didnt exactly show any “signs” of liking him back

so here comes the slow burn and all our friends can tell we both like each other but one is stupid and the other is stubborn and they both know that we both will just give them the death glare about it

until the last week left of my exchange and im packing up my things to fly back home and tsukki is helping me pack

and he saw that i had put up a picture of the both of us from one of his volleyball matches (it was my favourite picture of us) and in that moment he realizes that he might have a chance bc i dont exactly like to put pictures up and ive said that only if it meant a lot to me i would put it up

so he just went like “fuck it shes leaving and god knows when i’ll see her again”

AND HE JUST TELLS ME “so uh i like you”

and im just in shock and all and i start crying bc like i came here for exchange and to make memories but here i am falling in love with this tall french fry and now im going back soon and basically im overwhelmed with emotions

and tsukki doesnt know what to do bc he has never actually seen me cry ??? i dont cry in front of people unless im really comfortable with you and trust you wholely

hes trying to comfort me and figure out what to do and i tell him everything that i had bottled up and was feeling

AND THEN after i had calmed down he went and bought a whole strawberry shortcake and we just ate the entire thing in one sitting

i love strawberry shortcake i refuse to have any other cake but that for my birthdays

on the day i had to fly back home tsukki sent me to the airport and he asked me if i wanted to give us a try especially with the long distance and i said yeah bc like im already in deep and i love him with my whole ass heart

after:

when im back home we facetime and talk to each other everyday

my parents asked how my exchange was and i told them about everything

except i left the part out about me and tsukki getting together and stuff bc yknow they would probably kill me if they knew i FELL IN LOVE

but they soon picked up on it bc like who is this dude im facetiming everyday and im talking in japanese too instead of english and they suspected

so my mum just casually “you guys are together right”

and i cant deny it bc im as red as a tomato

during one of his breaks he actually flies over to visit me and im just A CRYING MESS AGAIN bc this boy would do anything for me even though he acts all unbothered on the outside

he flew all the way to see me im :”-)

HE MEETS MY PARENTS

my mum, upon seeing him personally for the first time: *looks at me and goes* “why are you so short”

me: “hes ???? literally ????? a tREE ??????” (also mum youre only slightly taller than mE)

tsukki is all nervous bc my parents dont speak japanese so he has to speak to them in english and hes worried that his english isnt good enough but MY MUM IS ALREADY IN LOVE WITH HIM AND MY DAD TOO

my mum says his english is better than mine

we’re still together even after we both graduate and i decide to move to japan so no more long distance and we get to see each other more !! (plus ive always wanted to move to another country and now i have an actual reason too !!!)

also we both have a killer death glare get on our wrong side and prepare to die

basically i love this tall salty boy and i would die for him

everyone wonders how i deal with his salty ass but it’s just im equally salty and we both love that about each other

THE END

also im just gonna tag @raevaioli bc i wanna see the raeji ;-)

#ok I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GONNA BE THIS LONG #self ship #tsukishima #tsukishima kei #haikyuu #hq #haikyuu!!#tsukki

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scpstim · 4 years

Note

i'm trying to start up my own kin blog for scps and whatnot and i was wondering if you would be able to give me pointers/tips on making stim boards? is there an easy way to crop/resize gifs so they theyre all square and not messing up the look of the board? the one im trying to make had the porportions all weird because of the size of the gifs i assume,,, sorry if this is inappropriate to ask!

dont worry,, this isnt inappropriate at all!!

for cropping gifs i use https://ezgif.com/crop - and i think most other stimblogs do too, so youll be in good company!! its specifically got a ‘square’ option which is really helpful!!

i usually just use gifs that others have made bc im lazy, so i think its great that youre making ur own gifs!! ill probably end up stealing a few for my boards >:D

( that was a goof. please do not actually steal gifs. always put a link to the original in your board’s description )

speaking of - some folks like to just put the url credit in the tags, but that kinda sucks bc when people reblog the board then the credit is lost .. so i wouldnt recommend this

theres also a thing where you put your credit in the image caption but bc tumblr sucks it sometimes doesnt work? so i wouldnt recommend that either. putting the links in the board description isnt the prettiest option but i think its definitely what works best

finally!! be careful!! for some reason a lot of stim blogs are run by really gross fucks,, dont use their gifs, dont link to their blogs, just block them. it would take me way too long to tell you every single blog you should avoid but theres a comprehensive list here ( warning for mentions of abuse, pedophilia, racism, antisemitism, transmisogyny ) , & you can use your best judgement

sorry for the downer ending but.. please just have fun!! making stimboards is really satisfying/calming for me & im sure youll enjoy it too!! welcome to the community!!

#not stim #long post //#Anonymous

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anissapierce · 4 years

Text

Just found out that all the lab classes in the fall Are filled up and i cant sign up b/c despite not being Able to graduate .... im still registered as Not A Student so im doing this to ignore the weight of my parents expectations of me

tagged by @corvidaedream

rules: answer these questions and tag people u want to get to know better

(sadie probably knows me better than anyone on this site barring my irl hs best friend who still follows me but we nvr interact so....)

nickname: lol ursa i guess? thts more of a nomdeplum though .... everyone calls me sara

zodiac sign: gemini

height: 5′5" ( i think???)

hogwarts house:

last thing i googled: get notifications on your phone when your laptop connects to internet (it did not bear fruit so id appreciate if someone could help me

song stuck in my head: Astounished man -thao and the get down stay down

following and followers: 570/1017

amount i sleep: Pre-shelter in place during the school year? 6 hours if I was lucky? Now its like 6 on the bad days when i drink my adderal too late and force myself to wake up early to take my adderal at a good time so im not up at two am. usually its like 8 hours? give or take i have an alarm

lucky numbers: see i dont tend to think of numbers as lucky, six is like my families lucky number but i do get vibes from certain numbers tht feel auspicious ....

dream job: God idek ..... its hard to think about bc i havent had Dreams in forever bc ive tamped tht shit down deep. something that doesnt require me to sit for long i can tell u tht much, mb like ....sth related to ..... people? Hu...mans.... oh wait librarian full stop fjoiefjfoeiijo last time i was happy was probably volunteering for the library summer program....archiving in some way

wearing: pj pants (the warm kind) w stars moons and clouds (and i found yesterday it Has acquired a hole Right above where my ass), french club tshirt from the year b4 i went to high school (i acquired it i think bc my shirt got messed up during french class idr exactly but i coveted tht design so much) plush zip up w a red n black flannel pattern

favorite song(s): ( im cheating and using spotify to see my most played so none of the newer songs are here, also there was a month i was exclusively listening to my archive 81 playlist)

City-Thao and the Get Down Stay Down

Love Today (live)- Mika (tied w Lollipop imo if im choosing from the live album)

Haunted House- Sir Babygirl

Gay Street Fighter-Keiynan Lonsdale

Under my skin-Jukebox the Ghost

favorite authors: B...ooks....wht r....they tell me more about..these strange boooks u speak of

Allison Bechdel

Benjamin Alire Saenz

Adam Silvera

Nnedi Okora

Nk Jemisin

Terry Pratchett (im counting g**d *mens as reading his work)

Octavia Butler

(ive lost the energy to read books but ... n the authors im rlly into rn are ones whos works i havent read fully so i challenged myself to only pick authors ive read at least one full work and some change of )

favorite animal noises: when my little baby girl daisy yawns she makes the Cutest noise (maya does not make tht noise) kitties purring ? also v good but i am allergic to pet dander ...whale songs

aesthetic: my aesthetic is ‘if i dont got a reason to dress up in a full way then its just whtvrs comfortable and clean but give an excuse to dress up and i am breaking out my costumes chest’

ill tag ppl later but whoever wants to can, ask me and ill tag u

#ask meme another

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ca1e70-deactivated · 4 years

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a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years.

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid.

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best.

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever.

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment)

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair.

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going.

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

#theres probably so many more i mean #ive been on parp for at least 5-6 years now #ive been on cherubplay probably the same amount of time #and my memory is totally shot to fuck but these are just what i know ive done in the last YEAR #or thought were wild enough to remember #i put it under a read more bc frankly its really fucking long #and i dont want this to represent me entirely #these are also heavily situational based and not like. emotion or reaction based much?#some of them are #i guess i could rename this to like. things ive done on parp #but theyre technically still headcanons a lot of them can coincide with whatever #so theyre not very specific situations #anyways #this took me an hour

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rontra · 5 years

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ANONYMOUS ASKED:

i really like mwot and was wondering, do you wanna talk/loredump/etc about mwot during this blessed month of pride? (if not that's totally cool!!! i really like the au and am curious about it!)

REPLY:

YES!!!!

umineko spoilers below and LONG POST KSDJDKSKD i really went infodumping......you got me right in an infodumping mood....

also im being very casual in this post so if something is like weird or vague its probably because i got tired of thinking about it and skipped ahead. SKJDSJD

mwot is an umi au and its very gay and very trans because i, a gay trans, decided it was TIME to INDULGE

LIKE A MOUNTAIN WIND FALLING ON OAK TREES also known as MWOT, MW/OT, Mountain Wind + Oak Trees, MW+OT, or literally any combination of its parts, is an eva/natsuhi au, set in a vague modern big city setting

https://rontra.tumblr.com/tagged/mountain-wind-oak-trees

it’s a comedy, mostly? it has elements of backstory transphobia and stuff like that but that’s not really the story i want to tell with it, so i don’t go too deeply into it in the main fic. it’s mostly comedy and Self Care: The Story (once these nerds get around to acknowledging that self care is good, anyway!!!!)

Eva is 20, nb lesbian (though she doesnt know half of it to begin with). generally a bitchard at the beginning but also deeply craving that Validation. Invested in making the fic harder to write due to pronoun shenanigans (shoutout to the lengthy section of intimate emotional scenes that uses no pronouns at all for eva but is narrated by them in 3rd person)

Natsuhi is like 21 i guess because im a sucker for her having like an annoying 1-3 years on eva bc eva would get mad about it. Also she’s trans, gray-ace, hopeless romantic, generally full of “quickly raising your eyebrows and looking away while sipping your drink and thinking Yikes” energy. weaponizes indifference but is no stranger to harder means. she’s a smart cookie

Sayo is also 20, gender clown car living her best life. Presents differently depending on mood and whim

krauss is like 22 or whatever. for housekeeping’s sake, rosa and rudolf are too young to matter (8 and 10, or something like that). dont even worry about it

honestly the weirdest part of the au is eva and sayo being the same age

also this au is the origin point of me & my friends using akikaze as nat’s maiden name. the more you know!

USHIROMIYA GOLD dishes up that yellow metal like you wouldn’t believe. led by kinzo whos so fuckin good at sniffing out that sweet sweet gold people are half convinced the man has psychic powers. Any piece of land he’s got his eyes on, he WILL get his hands on, no matter who owns it right now.

the land kinzo wants At The Moment is owned by the AKIKAZE FAMILY who have been notably on the decline recently. they’re in the economic shithole so this land is basically all they’ve got right now, so when kinzo wants it and it suddenly Has Value, they’re like “oh, shit,

anyway the deal basically shakes out that like, he gets the land and all the gold that may or may not be in it. he offers his eldest son in exchange for this land, to marry their daughter: in the bonds of marriage graciously ensuring a part of the winnings will spill over on them, while keeping them under his control without money coming into the picture.

Everything’s working out great and coming up kinzo. the deal is closed and everyone’s happy (i guess). until ONE DAY, just a few narrow weeks before the akikaze girl is set to move in with the ushiromiyas,

KINZOS

OLDEST

SON

DISAPPEARS

!!!!!

Krauss dislikes being told what to do, and his father’s ideals never lined up with his own. He thinks this entire thing is sort of fucked up and can’t live under his dad’s thumb anymore. That's why, immediately following Kinzo’s agreement with the Akikaze family, Krauss disappears. He’s just kinda left for greener pastures, to unfold his own life and pursue his own interests independent of the Ushiromiya name. He leaves behind a letter explaining it & basically he forfeits both name and inheritance, and Kinzo’s incredible deal is suddenly in jeopardy.....

obviously this is kinzo though, and all of his solutions are like, 20 times more complicated than they have to be? he’s DETERMINED to have this land so he’s like “i need an eldest son. shit rudolf is only like 9. fuck. well okay i have an eldest daughter with a deeply complicated need for validation and success entirely driven by her overall neglect at my hands�� and the rest. as they say. is history (???)

Ushiromiya Eva always saw Krauss as unworthy of the inheritance, and to her, his disappearance confirms this. She grew up always being made to feel inferior to her older brother, usually being ignored in favor of him, and it's bred a complex need for validation in her. Her values and strengths are more like Kinzo’s than her brother’s, and Kinzo recognizes this in the wake of Krauss’ disappearance.

basically he concocts this really wild scheme where eva has to pretend to be his oldest son and marry this girl or whatever so he can seal this stupid gold deal and she’s like “well lol if i get to be family heir” and hes like “yes that’s what im saying” and shes like “awesome let’s do it”

all of the servants are in on it too of course. specifically kinzo enlists SAYO who works there as normal staff and isn’t otherwise tangled into this family’s mess in any way whatsoever. she’s just here to serve tea and looks. anyway he’s like “you work on this with eva--i mean evan, my son, you must have misheard--and eva you have to listen to whatever yasuda says” and eva is like “that last part will not be frustrating for me at all”.

Yasuda as reigning Household Gender Presentation Expert is like “i think i just got orders from the master to bully eva?” and eva is like “i wish i could fire you but my dad just banned me from doing that” and then gradually...over the course of the project......they become....friends.........

(the au is tagged eva & sayo for a reason. they become FRIENDS!!)

mostly its just various combinations of shkanon dunking on eva and its all VERY good.

during all these shenanigans we make some startling realizations like “gender euphoria is a hell of a drug” and stuff, which is extremely harrowing for everyone (note: not for everyone. just for eva, who makes 10,000 realizations every day, and should not have been counted.)

(ok sidenote did anyone else put on their first binder & go like “hmmm. i live here now” because. mood. im projecting entirely into this fic)

Gender Clown Car yasuda (currently as lion) is like “you know there’s like more than 2 genders” and eva’s like “you fucking wehat”.

i also make a REALLY INVOLVED JOKE ABOUT CASTIGLIONI GOLD, THE RIVAL COMPANY, and how BEATRICE’S KID LOOKS A LOT LIKE LION, and EVERYONE thinks this is all VERY funny

(i would like to see it. also kinzo owes beatrice castiglioni $20 and she’s never let him forget it.)

now wrapped up in this stupid impostor scheme AND full of big wild nonbinary energy AND!! WITH AN INFURIATING NEW FRIEND!! IN THE STAFF!!! this one funky ushiromiya is all ready to get in on an arranged marriage or whatever. provided NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT that they’re faking it and replacing the Actual Heir, which would no doubt ruin the scheme AND bring kinzo’s wrath on everybody involved, of course.

AKIKAZE NATSUHI IS READY TO PUNCH HER FIANCE IN THE THROAT IF HE EVEN LOOKS AT HER but she understands what’s happening here. she knows she didn’t have a say in this from the very beginning. that the deal was sealed for her as soon as the name “ushiromiya” was said. she knows her family married her off quick in a bid to get rid of her. if she’s humiliated by this ordeal, she is far too proud to show it. she packs her bags and walks into the mansion with her head held high........and immediately has this exchange with her fiance

and this one

so that’s kind of the energy we’re going for with these two.

(natsuhi’s line in the second cap was going to be removed for being Way Too Intense, but everyone i talked to said it was too hot to cut, so i decided to indulge us all. blame the lesbians)

they IMMEDIATELY don’t get along but they kinda agree to like, mind their business, since neither of them are interested in playing house here. if they can get the wedding to go off without a hitch they can basically go back to never talking to each other again.

natsuhi’s entire angle here is essentially: her family was not that good, and this family likely won’t be better, BUT here she has a chance to build something new for herself. she’ll be out of her parents’ house. She needs this deal to stay for her own sake, but she has to get out ahead of her husband and set up a dynamic that favors her. when she meets evan she essentially gauges the kind of person she’s dealing with and picks her approach accordingly: this is not a soft man, and she has to be hard in turn to avoid being steamrolled.

and its VERY hot

anyway some stuff happens and it eventually they both sorta get each other’s secrets. eva is not the firstborn son and natsuhi is not the card kinzo thought he was pulling from her family’s hand and theyre both toast if word hits the public. directly after the wedding they establish a tense alliance of keeping each others’ secrets....

and then they.....fall...in l

there’s some fun tensions and realizations. eva is like “so im quickly catching on that no praise i ever received from dad was on my own merit and he’s kind of a dirtbag all around and his validation is kind of not worth it” and nat is like “word our parents are chains” & they run kinzo over with the down w cis bus. it’s fine. they get postcards from krauss sometimes. he has a motorbike now.

DID I MENTION THE PRACTICE KISSING

BC THEY HAVE TO PRACTICE! FOR THE!! PUBLIC WEDDING!!!!

and thats mwot i guess. it’s my au where natsuhi’s accent color is red and some other stuff happens too. happy pride month

#mwot #second time's the charm

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yeoldontknow · 5 years

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I finally made my own tumblr and i feel pretty happy bcuz im finally letting others see my writing but i wanted to know what you did for your stories to like, “get out there?” Btw i LOVE your stories im a new fan of EXO and ur stories r amazing keep it up!!

hi there. welcome to tumblr! thats so exciting! i hope youre enjoying your time here! im going to preface everything i say by advising a few things.

firstly that i dont consider myself an ‘out there’ blog. im exceptionally proud of the amount of followers i have, even though the number itself is different depending on perspective. to some, this number is remarkably small. to others, this number is enormous. and the amount of readership that occurs on my fics really doesnt match up the to the numbers the way you think it would. so when you say ‘out there’ just keep in mind this is really...dependent on so many factors and depends on your own personal definition of what that means.

second, the things i list that were part of my experience may not work for you or match up to your experience. theres really no algorithm or formula anyone can give. so again, you can take all of this with a grain of salt.

- make use of tags and tag appropriately. when youre starting from 0 (as everyone on this website does) the first and primary way you get any of your writing out to the public (beyond...posting it lmao) is tagging. only the first five tags show up in searches when youre tagging on tumblr, so keep that in mind when you consider how many networks (ill discuss those later) you want to join. keep your tags relevant to what youve written, things like ‘member smut’ or ‘member fluff’ usually draws in a crowd. when i first started hero, i was tagging with ‘chanyeol x reader’ and ‘chanyeol scenario’ and those pulled in a bunch of readers too (that was 2 years ago tho, so idk how much a scenario tag pulls in anymore)

- post in multiple places. i have an AO3 and a tumblr. most writers cross post to ao3 and tumblr, but others also have an asian fan fics account or a wattpad account (this is usually to prevent people plagiarizing on there). but most writers i know (tbh i think all) post in at least two separate places.

- join a network. networks are so great for getting your work out there when you dont have a lot of followers or are new and dont have a lot of readership. theres so many out there you can join - some are specific to band and others are multi-fandom and only require that you be writing for kpop. my recommendation is to join two or three, because these networks will always require you use their tag in the first five. this is because the only way they will find your work to reblog it is by searching it, so tagging for two main tags and two networks is a surefire way to get your writing to the right people.

- talk to other writers/blogs. send asks, play ask games with them, tag them in things you know they like (example, even if i dont follow you but you tag me in something related to chanyeol i will always respond). leave feedback on their work. reblog their work and tag it well - either with your keysmash reaction, your thoughts, or your feelings. whatever you give into the community will come back to you.

***HOWEVER, i will say that dont be discouraged if writers dont reply right away. sometimes tumblr eats asks, deletes messages, or doesnt let them show up until the person can get to a computer. furthermore, most writers on here have regular jobs or families, so the time theyre on tumblr is very limited. and even more than that, theres a big question of age. for me personally, if i can tell a person is quite young or under the age of 18, i am less likely to fully go back and forth in banter with them because i am considerably older than that and thats inappropriate. im just pointing this out because i dont want you sending messages and getting discouraged if someone doesnt reply. theres a lot of reasons someone might not reply, and it may have nothing to do with you or be relate to something within your control.

- if youre a new writer, join a beta network. theres networks out there where people willingly volunteer to beta writing, and you can also apply to be a beta. this helps improve your writing, which will help draw more readers, and will also create a community/friendship around you and your beta team.

- make a masterlist, even if you only have 1 written item. masterlists help people new to your blog see what you have written, find it, and read it OR see what you want to write. example: if youre writing for exo and you have a list for the entire band, ill assume that at some point youll write for chanyeol even if you only have a link for jongdae. make a masterlist and link it in your bio for easy access.

ok so thats...bare minimum how you get your writing out and circulating and possibly generating a community for you to engage with. but its really important for me to say the following:

if you are walking into this with an expectation that you will soon receive recognition or feedback or a large amount of notes, please please restructure this. in my years on this site, i have seen so many writers come and go because they start writing solely for the notes or the feedback. thats not a sustainable goal and it will suck the pleasure out of writing really really quickly. its so easy to get discouraged if you dont think youre achieving some arbitrary number that tumblr itself messes with just by changing rules or guidelines or the way posts show up on a dash.

instead, challenge yourself to write things that interest you or to write different things within your stories. things like ‘i want to write a fantasy’ ‘i want to write a 5 part mini series’ ‘i want to write an angsty drabble.’ when you approach writing from this perspective, it keeps you consistent and motivated with your goals. and it also, believe it or not, make your writing come from a genuine place of love rather than a place of wanting interaction. readers can tell when someone genuinely loves what they write and when someone is just checking boxes they think will bring in feedback.

also - please know that getting your writing out there is very much a ‘rome wasnt built in a day’ kind of vibe. ive been on this website for 2 years and there have been months where my notes and follower count is barely moving, and others where i feel like i get 200 followers in a week or hundreds of notes on something id posted a year ago. you cannot predict how long it will take for people to see your work, the only thing you can predict is that it will take time. honestly, again ive been here for two years and im still a pretty small blog. theres no magic formula to this.

i hope all this helps!

#writing advice #zaralax

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